#the first step to realize i was a lesbian was realizing i didn't like men like what else do you want from me
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Saw somebody once saying that people's arguments to say Nami is a lesbian are always about her negative traits and focusing on her not liking men and... Why do we have to have any arguments when it comes to a sexuality headcanon? Why can't I just say that she doesn't like men, and that's all? But even if you needed arguments, "not liking men" isn't a bad trait or something negative at all. She just is uninterested in them, imo, both romantically and sexually, and that's quite literally the definition of being a lesbian. Yes, obviously we can focus on her appreciation of other female characters and how the way she reacts around them is way different from how she reacts with the men of the show, but saying "she likes women" isn't an argument to prove she's a lesbian because bisexual girls exist. Or really, just any other sexuality regarding women. It's beautiful to focus on her love for girls, but if we're looking for arguments here, I think the best one of all is saying that she doesn't like men. And that isn't a bad thing at all and it is quite literally the only argument you need for your headcanon to work. And yes, I do agree that a lot of people use negative traits of her to call her a lesbian (a "mean lesbian". A term that I personally despise. When it's a joke about a character who's actually mean it's okay and funny, but lesbians are already demonized enough, and Nami isn't even mean. People just hate that she has a personality and stands up for herself) but I've never seen somebody say "she's a lesbian because she's mean". I just see people saying she's a lesbian because she doesn't like men, and, again, that's not bad as long as you don't stereotype her and say she hates men and put her in a little box of "being the mature one" because she's a lot of the time as silly and careless as the men of the crew. Not liking men is not a negative trait. It's literally just being a lesbian. Like we could talk for hours about her relationship with women and womanhood in the show, how her character behaves around them, and the way they portray her. Because yes, I don't know if I'd say she's queercoded but she definitely is way more fond of girls than she is of men and her relationships with them seem way more genuine and organic than the one she has with men. But... Again, the core point of all of this is that she doesn't like men. Easy as that.
#the first step to realize i was a lesbian was realizing i didn't like men like what else do you want from me#i told my friends and they were “oh yeah idk what you are but you definitely don't like men”#and then i had the “i like women and enby people” realization and here we are#and also nami has a personality and people label her as mean because they've never seen a woman in their lives#<- said by someone who is not a woman but i am genderfluid and afab so yeah i can get what the poor girl is going through#one piece#cat burglar nami#lesbian nami
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So I've seen a few too many people on twitter talking about The Kiss Scene from the new Scott Pilgrim anime. People saying it's fetishistic and indulgent, people calling it male gazey, etc. And while the kiss itself is certainly a bit exaggerated, I felt like writing a bit about why I disagree, and why context is important, like it always is. But it basically turned into an extended analysis on the metatextual treatment of Roxie Richter. So bear with me. It's a long post.
What really matters about this scene is not the kiss itself, but what precedes it. Not even just the fight scene just before it, but what precedes the whole anime series, really. And that's the Scott Pilgrim comic book, and the live action movie. Because in both, Roxie is a punchline.
She's a joke. Her character starts and ends with "one of the exes is actually a girl, I bet you didn't expect that." Jokes are made about Ramona's latent bisexuality, the movie especially treating it as funny and absurd, and her validity as a romantic interest is entirely written off by Ramona as being "just a phase." There's a fight scene, she's defeated by a man giving her an orgasm which implicitly calls her sexuality into question (come on), and the movie just moves on. It sucks. It really, really sucks.
The comic fares a little better. It never veers into outright homophobia like the movie does, and while the line about Ramona having gone through a phase remains, Roxie actually gets one over on Scott when Ramona briefly gets back with Roxie. But Roxie is still only barely a character. Like all the other evil exes, she's just a stepping stone towards the male protagonist's development. She barely even gets any screentime before she's defeated by Scott's "power of love." But Roxie stands out, since she's the only villain who is queer, or at least had been confirmed queer at that point (hi Todd). In a series that champions multiple gay men in the supporting cast, the single undeniable lesbian in the story is a villain. She's labeled as evil, made fun of, pushed aside in favor of the men, and then discarded. Her screentime was never about her, or her feelings for Ramona. It was about the straight, male protagonist needing to overcome her. And that was Roxie Richter. An unfortunate victim of the 2010s.
Fast forward to current year, and the new anime series is announced. Everybody sits down to watch the new series expecting another retelling of the same story, and.... hang on, that straight male protagonist I mentioned just died in the first episode. And now it's humanizing the villains from the original story. And there's Roxie, introduced alongside the other evil exes in the second episode, and she's being played entirely straight, without a punchline in sight. No jokes are made about her gender, no questions are made of her validity as one of Ramona's romantic interests. The narrative considers her important. In one episode, she already gets more respect than she did in either of the previous iterations of Scott Pilgrim. And this isn't even her focus episode yet... which happens to be the very next one.
The anime series goes to great lengths to flesh out the original story's villains and to have Ramona reconcile with them. And I don't think it's a coincidence that Roxie gets to go first. While Matthew Patel gets his development in episode 2, Roxie is the first to directly confront Ramona, now our main protagonist. This is notable too because it's the only time the exes are encountered out of order. Roxie is supposed to be number 4, but she's first in line, and later on you realize that she's the only one who's out of sequence. She's the one who sets the precedent for the villains being redeemed. She's the most important character for Ramona to reconcile with.
What follows is probably the most extensive, elaborate 1 on 1 fight scene in the whole show. Roxie fights like a wounded animal, her motions are desperate and pained. Ramona can only barely fight back against her onslaught. Different set-pieces fly by at breakneck speed as Roxie relentlessly lays her feelings at Ramona's feet through her attacks and her distraught shouts. And unlike the comic or the movie, Ramona acknowledges them, and sincerely apologizes. And the two end up just laying there, exhausted, reminiscing about when they were together.
Only after this, after all of this, does the kiss scene happen. Roxie has been vindicated, she has reconciled with the person who hurt her, the narrative has deemed that her anger is justified and has redeemed her character. And she gets her victory lap by making the nearest other hot girl question her heterosexuality, sharing a sloppy kiss with her as the music triumphantly crescendos.
It's... a little self-congratulatory, honestly. But it's good. It's redemption for a character who had been mistreated for over a decade. And she punctuates the moment by being very, very gay where everyone can see it, no men anywhere in sight. Because this is her moment. And then she leaves the plot, on her own accord this time, while humming the hampster dance. What a legend. How could anything be wrong with this.
#scott pilgrim#spto#scott pilgrim takes off#roxie richter#roxanne richter#scott pilgrim spoilers#spto spoilers
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How did you figure out you're aromantic?
Oh, god, what a short question for such a long process, hahaha. First off, didn't figure it out until recently, age 27, but here was the approximate (and very truncated in the amount of internal conflict and introspection involved) step-by-step process:
Figured out I was queer in high school because I felt the same way about women as I did about men! Spent about 5 years thinking I was bisexual.
Figured out that I'm not actually attracted to men when I read a post describing the experience of compulsory heterosexuality and related with it intensely, which was a very freeing experience. Spent 6 years thinking I was a (nonbinary) lesbian!
Hooked up at parties a couple of times out of curiosity and then took up my best friend's offer to fuck and realized that I got the same amount of skin-crawling distaste about that as I did about sexual contact with men, thus realizing I was ace.
Let that domino tip over into the, "Actually, identifying as gay has for a long time given me the same anxiety as I used to feel when I thought I'd have to date a man, and also I'm 27 years old and have never, ever actually wanted to date another human being. When people ask me what my ideal partner is like, I start listing off ways in which they should not bother me or demand my time or be part of my life. Maybe I just don't want... anyone." domino, and the subsequent "I'M FREE!! (from trying to date women)" euphoria was identical to the "I'M FREE!! (from trying to date men)" euphoria, so.
That's where I'm at!
I'm a generally introspective person, but I'm also really great at gaslighting myself into ignoring my own discomfort, so largely it's been, haha, a diagnosis of exclusion. First I excluded men, then the discomfort with women grew large enough that I was able to exclude them as well. Reading about other people's experiences and realizing where they paralleled my own was immensely helpful! So was being close friends with a very poly person who slowly and fully unintentionally changed my perspective on how I view relationships in a very poly-and-relationship-anarchy-as-default way, which incidentally is extremely compatible with aroace queerplatonic ideals and definitely softened me up to be ready to accept that particular realization.
Also, please let this be a sign that just because you identify with one "thing" doesn't mean that you're committing to it forever! <3
#ask#personal#Anonymous#hilariously enough the gender thing was way easier#I basically tripped into it by accident by gleefully ““hiding”” my pronouns from people for a long time#until I hit social circles that just fully assumed that meant that I was nonbinary and I was like “oh... I can DO that?”#YOU HEARD OF ASSIGNED GENDER AT BIRTH NOW I BRING YOU ASSIGNED NONBINARY IN COLLEGE LMAO#sexuality#aroace#aro#hope this helped anon! everyone's journey is different#there are a lot of things I can look back on that were Definite Signs#including amusingly me thinking the concept of aromanticism was STUPID because “what they are describing is just what EVERYONE is like”
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"San Francisco opened a dramatic new life chapter. I was still stuck with someone else's concept of gender-appropriate behavior, but the conventional path I'd been folllowing had suddenly made a sharp turn to the left. I was a drag queen. Correction! I was a celebrated, union-carded, female impersonating entertainer. I didn't like thinking of myself as a drag queen.
Drag queens have always gotten a bum rap. Always. Men in women's clothing create a sensation, and their detractors live on both sides of society's sexual barbed wire. Nowadays, possibly the most damning rap against drag comes from inside the gay and lesbian neighborhood- the very community that Stonewall helped create.
On Friday, June 27, 1969, Greenwich Village drag queens ignited the Gay Liberation movement when they united at the Stonewall Inn, stood their ground against New York City's police, and kicked law-enforcement ass with sequined pumps. Shortly after those first angry steps toward homosexual liberation, drag became the gay stigma. Many male homosexuals, terrified that mainstream society would believe all gay men wore dresses, began to shun the more outrageous drag members of the community. Many lesbians were equally repulsed by drag, feeling that what had once been considered chic now made a travesty of womankind. Acceptance in the homosexual community was soon measured by the degree to which its citizens met a heterosexual standard. I didn't realize it then, but I was as prejudiced as those against whom I railed. I used beauty as my yardstick. It was inconceivable to me that nonbeauties of ambiguous gender might also be "real women." I blushingly admit to having been so shallow. It is unfortunate that marginalized members of society often fight one another for any available crumb of acceptance. No one wants to live at the bottom of the social barrel."
“The Woman I Was Not Born To Be” by Aleshia Brevard (2001)
#the woman I was not born to be#Aleshia Brevard#trans history#transgender history#gay history#queer history#lgbt history#queer lit#gay lit#trans lit#lgbt lit
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Christmas Miracle
"Paulie come here" Morgan called from the bedroom. I stopped what I was doing and rush to her.
"I have decided to give you the best Christmas present ever" Morgan told me. "But first I want you to make yourself all girlie" she teased stepping close to me. She kissed my neck. I wasted no time first jumping in the shower to touch up any loose hairs I might have.
Morgan had helped me explore my submissive nature over the past two years. It had started as a game, but grew. I now exclusively wore not only panties but often a bra and stockings as well under my clothes. Morgan had tought me how to do my makeup and hair. Having me dress fully as a woman most weekends. Morgan and I had not had traditional sex in almost a year. Instead often lesbian sex. Using toys on each other and me orally pleasing her. On rare occasions she would stroke my dick. Morgan also cuckold me. But we didn't talk about it. As she put it, "it is none of your business what I do with men"
As I got out if the shower I found a red Christmas dress waiting for me. Along with sexy red lingerie. I got dressed. And did my makeup. I looked very sexy in my Christmas outfit I thought. Morgan was dressed in jeans and a long sleeve tee shirt when I found her. I towered over her in my 3 inch heels.
"You look perfect" Morgan smiled.
"Now, I decided for Christmas I am giving you freedom" she smiled. "No more hiding, I am going to help you introduce Paulina to the world." She told me. I was a bit worried.
"So we have an appointment to have our Christmas pictures taken. She grabbed her keys and led me to the car. I had been out dressed before but she drove to a local shop and made me go in. The photographer knew all about what she wanted posing us with me in the submissive role. Sitting with Morgan above me. Or playful where Morgan lifted me up. Morgan was happy with the pics. Not even letting me look. She chose one for a mass online card to everyone we knew.
"Paulina, come hit send" she told me. I hesitated.
"You know you want everyone to know, I think the family already suspects" Morgan told me. As I stood there the photographer reached under my dress. Startled I hit send.
"Do you want him" Morgan whispered in my ear. She didn't wait for an answer she pushed me to my knees. I had never sucked a real cock. Only Morgan's toys. I reached up and unzipped his pants. And pulled out his cock. Morgan stepped away as I took his cock in my mouth.
Meanwhile I heard my phone start digging like crazy. Morgan laughed
"OH everyone loves the pic baby. Even your mom" she told me.
"You seem to be enjoying Brad's cock baby" she said as I gagged on it. Just then he grabbed my head and pumped his load down my throat. I couldn't swallow fast enough gagging and coughing spitting his cum all over myself.
"Paulina you need to learn to swallow" Morgan said. She pushed me back to his cock. "Clean him up at least" I licked his softening cock and balls clean. I felt ashamed of what I had done as I stood up.
"Don't worry baby, I will find you lots of cocks to suck" Morgan told me. I was rock hard in my panties it showed thru the tight dress.
"Someone really liked sucking cock" Morgan giggled as Brad zipped up his pants and unlocked the door. I had not even realized he had locked it. Morgan led me out with cum still on my dress and my dick rock hard bulging my dress. Morgan read me my messages as I drove home.
"Your boss said you look pretty" she laughed. "Maybe you could work out a way to get a raise"
"John, says he can't wait to fuck me again" Morgan commented about my cousin
"Your mom said she loves the dress, wants to know if you will be wearing it to Christmas dinner" Morgan kept answering the messages but didn't tell me what she replied.
"Wow, Joe (my best friend) has a big cock" she said showing me a dick pic he sent me. When we got home we saw our neighbor staring at us with disgust.
"Go get the mail" Morgan told me. I walked to the end of the driveway. When I came inside. Morgan was stripped down to just her plain white panties.
"You where so naughty. Sucking Brad's cock" she told me. She picked up a leather strap.
'What is that for?" I said my voice shaking.
"Call Joe, ask him to come over and fuck you" she told me. She wrapped the leather strap gently around my neck.
"call Joe, if you don't want to let him fuck you, ask him to come fuck me" she told me. I picked up my phone.
"Hey sissy" Joe said as he answered.
"Joe, um you have a nice cock" I stuttered. Why did I say that?
"well thank you" he laughed.
"Would you like to come over?" I asked softly
"Be there soon" he said and hung up.
"You didn't ask him" Morgan said taking the leather strap.
"Bend over the couch with you panties pulled down" she ordered me. We had never even spoken about this. But I did as she said.
SMACK the strap stung my ass. I jumped.
"Don't move" Morgan said as a second blow hit.
"Want another or are you ready to admit what you are to the world" she asked. I didn't want another that was for sure. She squirted lube in my ass.
"when Joe gets here tell him what you did with Brad and ask him to help you do better" she told me. She shoved a large plug in my ass. She had me kneel by the front door and wait. Joe knocked a few minutes later I just said come in.
"Don't you look hot" Joe said.
"I tried to suck a cock today, but couldn't swallow. Will you help me?" I said. He dropped his pants he wore no underwear. I took him in my mouth.
"OH yes, suck my cock, you can suck it everyday if you want to" he told me.
"Hello, Morgan" Joe said I went to turn my head but Joe help my head on his cock.
"Your wife is so hot" Joe told me. As I continued to suck his cock. Morgan came up behind me and pushed on the plug in my ass. I moaned around Joe's cock.
"Like this Morgan said taking Joe's cock and sucking on it then put it back in my mouth. And his balls sweety. Lick and suck his balls. I did as she instructed. She then whispered in my ear.
"Joe will you please Fuck Morgan for me, she needs a man to fuck her" I pleaded. Morgan kissed my cheek and stood. joe carried her to our room and locked the door. I sat and listened to then fuck. Morgan moaned and cried out several times. As I heard Joe grunting.
The door opened suddenly and Joe appeared. His cock hanging soft. He waited a moment. Without a word I licked him clean tasting both his and Morgan's juices.
"You are a bitch now" Joe told me. As he went to gather his clothes from the front hall. I found Morgan in bed.naked her pussy red and swollen with Joe's seed leaking from it.
"Do you want to clean me? She asked. I just buried my head between her thighs without a word.
"You can never go back, everyone knows" Morgan reminded me. As she had me clean out all my male clothes from my closet.
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were you ever a genderist and what changed your mind
I never believed in nonbinary genders, but I was what I think they like to call a truscum? I believed in brain sex, so I thought dysphoria was caused by a mismatch between brain and body. To me, phrases like "trans women are women" referred to brain sex, but I thought it was common knowledge that their body was still the other sex, and that homosexuals would not be attracted to them pre-transition. I was supportive of dysphoric people having full access to transition, but I was always very skeptical about the number of people I saw IDing as trans in the late 2010s; I thought they were trenders, and that "true" trans people existed. I was very aware of detransitioners, and as time went on I began to see more and more, which was unsurprising and upsetting to me. I always felt that transition should be the last step taken after verifying that someone was truly dysphoric. It did not occur to me that dysphoria could have external causes, because I would not have considered that dysphoria. I always thought men and women should be able to dress however they wanted, but I also thought trans women who did not perform femininity (and as such had no chance of passing) were unlikely to be "true trans". I did not fully conceptualize the distinction between sex and gender, so I was almost farther from peaking than your average "tucute".
What changed my mind was the realization that my beliefs were a) NOT based in scientific reality (brain sex isn't real) and b) that "trans women are women" did not mean what I thought it did. My perspective had always been that I was a lesbian because I liked "people who looked like women", and so if a trans women could pass so completely that I wouldn't be able to tell, I could be attracted to them. Of course, this is impossible, and I did not have the experience to understand that an inverted penis cannot ever come close to what women possess. I didn't understand the horrifying complications that can result from taking cross-sex hormones and having genital surgery. And when I was faced with the reality that "she doesn't pass as a woman" was NOT considered a good enough reason to reject a trans woman, it all came crumbling down. I was told, by people who claimed to be my friends, that my attraction to my butch (now ex) girlfriend was equivalent to someone's attraction to a nonpassing transwoman (WHAT), that my beliefs were deeply hurtful regardless of whether they were true, that being a lesbian meant being attracted to ALL kinds of women because it was about internal feelings. And I realized that all the reasons I thought nonbinary genders were bullshit also applied to binary transgenderism. I started looking at what the "terfs" I'd found myself agreeing with on occasion were saying, and I realized they were saying exactly what I'd thought for such a long time. For the first time in a very long time, I didn't feel alone.
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Please don’t feel pressured to answer, but when did you realize you were trans? And being Catholic, was that difficult?
wobbles in under the weight of a massive leatherbound tome Well, it's a bit of a long story.
I knew I was queer before I knew I was trans. I fell in love with a girl when I was 13, and by age 15 I was completely out in all aspects of my life. Like a lot of gays my age, when I was trying to figure out my sexuality the first place I went was the internet. That was where I discovered the concept of butch lesbians - and I thought they were so cool. Something about their blurring of masculinity and femininity spoke to me (even though I definitely would not have put it that eloquently at the time). So after I came out I decided to cut off my long hair and start wearing boys clothes. I still remember the first time I looked at myself in the mirror like that and the feeling that I was really seeing me for the first time.
I was a hard butch for most of high school after that. At some point I started to become uncomfortable with my curvy body and high pitched voice. It made me happy to be mistaken for a boy. I started to entertain the idea that maybe I wasn't cis. I decided to buy myself some men's underwear online, a baby step into further gender experimentation. The day they arrived at the house, I had come down with laryngitis. My mother found and opened the package. She was upset, and I couldn't speak to explain myself. We didn't talk about it even after the laryngitis got better, and the incident scared me back into the gender closet for several more years.
Most of the time thoughts about my gender or my body didn't bother me too much. But sometimes I would have bad days where I felt the desperate need to cover up in the loosest, boxiest clothing I owned. I refused to look too hard at why my curves bothered me. And then COVID happened - I was in grad school, and quarantining in the apartment where I lived alone. With nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, my gender confusion got louder and louder until I couldn't ignore it anymore. I told my best friend that I wanted to try being called Teddy. The name stuck. It felt right. I cycled through a few different sets of pronouns before ultimately settling on they/them. I bought a binder. Slowly, I came out as nonbinary in different areas of my life, and by age 23 I was completely out. I'm starting hormones soon and planning to get top surgery in the future.
That's my trans story. Was it hard because I'm Catholic? The short answer is no. I went through that once already as a hormonal middle schooler realizing I wanted to kiss girls and believing for a long time that meant I was going to hell. My relationship with religion is also long and complicated, and probably best saved for another post if anyone wants to hear it. But by the time I was in my twenties and coming to terms with my gender, I was back on good terms with God. There's a Bible passage I rediscovered at that time that has remained one of my favorites: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus." I've always existed in liminal spaces - not Black or white, not gay or straight, not man or woman. And that's what God is. God is the liminal spaces - He is everything and all of us at once. I am made in His image and I am holy and beautiful and perfect as I am.
#roman catholic#catholic#trans catholic#queer catholic#nonbinary catholic#lgbtq+#trans#transgender#nonbinary#coming out stories#queer spirituality
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Can you explain how your transfeminity works with your transmasculinity? I wanna use transfemmasc but I wanna hear why others actually use it before I decide.. And also, how does your transfeminity work with the butch label?
yeah! those are very good questions, thanks for taking the time to ask! ^ _ ^
i think i'm going to start identifying with the label genderfluid again, because i think i do experience fluctuations in presentation and identity- sometimes we are femme, sometimes we are butch, mostly due to the nature of being a system, so i think including the element of fluidity in our identity is very important!
as for transfeminity and butchness, you can be a transfem butch! amab and intersex transfem butch lesbians are still transfem, it's just that you're transitioning to a masculine kind of femininity. you might identify as a woman but a butch one, or, in my case, a butch fem and woman aligned nonbinary person. i'm not taking estrogen due to the fact that it makes me feel extremely fucked up, but i am still transfem in the sense that i have very femme days due to having femme gay men in my sytem as well as femme lesbians, and when i identify as butch i am identifying as a woman aligned gender, just not a binary one- i don't feel comfortable saying i'm a trans woman, but i'm the closest nonbinary equivalent- demigal/demigirl is pretty good. the fluidity makes things a bit wobbly at times as well. technically i identify heavily with the term lesboy but that's due once more to bigenderism & butchness
my transmasculinity is a bit tough to describe these days, but the way i best describe it is my transsexuality. i needed my body to be more masculine because my physical dysphoria was crushing. my body was all wrong. my family would NOT let me keep my beard, they kept forcing me to use nair to remove it and i was so tired of that sensation. i also liked my facial hair and just... didn't like the way i looked without it. i snapped and stopped taking estrogen and went on T and suddenly i felt so much better in my body and more comfortable as a person.
i identified as a trans man for a very, very long time, and i've been questioning that label lately, as i'm not sure if it's a good fit. when i came out in 2011 - 2012, i told my family and friends that i was "a person". and when they couldnt' accept that and kept gendering me as male since i said i wasn't a woman i complied. i went well. if you won't see me as a person, i'll settle for a man. and i did this with the rest of society. i appreciate you sending this ask because i've been wanting to personally step away from the trans man label. i don't think i'm a trans man. i have some alters in my system who are men, but on the whole idon't think we ever really identified as a man OR woman- we've always been "people". it's also hard to really have an identity label designed for a single person when you have so many people living in a single body.
i think i can experience multiple genders at once at times, and i also experience fluidity between them due to systemhood. but, if you want a simplified answer, i'm a genderfluid bigender transmasculine transsexual (in reference to my HRT) neutrois & agender person, and a transfeminine butch demigirl/enby. at times it's easier to say transfemasc/transsexual bigender nonbinary person, but i think after dropping the trans man label, i feel a lot better, and i feel this is the most accurate. =) i'm reclaiming my neutrois & agender identities from when i first came out, i'm not going to let people tell me who i am anymore =D
that being said i am perfectly fine with helping trans men, as i lived as one for a decade! and i really love helping trans men realize that it's okay to be a man, it's okay to be masculine, and also how to get on testosterone, and get the help they need. so i don't want trans men to stop sending asks, i still <3 trans men and the community, i just don't think i identify as one anymore, i'm tired of adopting a label that just isn't me. but i'm okay with being seen as an honorary trans man of sorts. also due to my intersex condition it makes things very difficult :'- )
anyway thanks for taking the time to ask! if there's anything else you're curious about let us know we're happy to help! take care, good luck in your own journey
#asks#answers#my experiences#my gender#save#transfemasc#transfemmasc#transmascfem#multitrans#nonbinary#enby#non binary#transmasculine#transmasc#transfem#transfemme#transfeminine#intersex#genderfluid#bigender#multigender#polygender
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aaaaa i'm sorry, i should have been specific about the kind of question, it's more related to coming out than bisexuality specifically now that i think about it >.<
i've been identifying as a lesbian for years and for a while now i've been feeling like maybe i'm actually bi but i'm honestly terrified of exploring that and i don't know what to do. every time i try to think it through i get so stressed out that i start to cry because i have a lot of feelings and experiences that feel so hard to sort out but at the same time i know i can't keep pretending forever. the hardest thing is that i've felt my attraction swing so strongly in the other direction after feeling nothing about men for years and it's making me so sad and disgusted with myself. it's i've been sitting on this all year and it's really starting to take a toll on me now that i realized it's almost 2024 and i'm still lying to everyone about this. i was hoping if it's not too much to ask you might be able to give me some advice on how you navigated this bc you seem so confident and i feel really lost and anxious since i can't talk to anyone i know in real life about it. i know that this is a lot so please feel free to ignore it if you don't want to answer, thank you so much for reading whether you decide to answer or not
Firstly a big hug to you, I'm sorry you've been in so much emotional pain and that you have felt isolated in all this 😢🫂 I know that when you're in that place, it can feel like such a big deal even just to say "I'm hurting in this way" to another person, so I'm really touched you came to me 💙
My biggest piece of advice to you would be to do your best to move away from the question of "what am I really?" and towards the question "what do I want?" It's been my experience that approaching questions of sexuality as though there's some fixed, immutable truth to your sexual identity that is just waiting there for you to uncover is little more than a painful, drawn-out exercise in making yourself miserable. That's exactly what I did when I first came out at 20, and if I could change anything about my life, it would be to not quite literally lock myself in my room for weeks doing nothing but dissecting my life and over-intellectualizing my feelings in an attempt figure all that out. Sure I came out of it with some kind of answer, but the experience left me horrifically depressed and destroyed my self worth, and it took a long time to bounce back from that - especially since I felt a lot of shame about the state I was in, and I couldn't bring myself tell anyone else about what had brought it about.
I mention all that because what I see in your message is that you are being similarly hard on yourself, and I want you to know that there is a much healthier way to approach this that will hopefully leave you feeling more comfortable, confident, and in control. Shifting the question to "what do I want?" allows you to consciously dictate the terms of the process instead of getting overwhelmed by your anxieties. It takes your fear out of the driver's seat and puts you firmly in it.
What do you want? What makes you happy? What do you value? What aspects of you and your life do you treasure, what do you want to cultivate, what would be best left behind? What would you do if there were no limits on you? At the end of your life, what do you want to be able to say about how you lived your life?
These are big, essential questions, ones we unfortunately don't often get the space to take a step back and thoughtfully consider our answers to as we deal with juggling school, work, and adult life and obligations. One benefit to being in a state of questioning is that you have already created the space to ask big questions about yourself. Why not broaden the scope a bit? Instead of just asking questions about who you are, these questions give you the space to holistically figure out who you want to be.
You wanted to know how I navigated this — that's how! I didn't want to put myself through what I experienced at 20 again. I asked myself these questions and they helped me understand that if I wanted to act in line with my adult priorities, I needed to let go a bit, give myself the permission to make a change in order to keep growing into the person I want to be. I won't get into all the specifics but it helped a lot to concretely articulate certain things to myself, such as "sex & sexuality are important to how I understand myself and my gender" and "it's more important to me to have the freedom to do the things I want and need to than it is for others to understand them." It helped me establish my own rules of engagement with the sexual identity question so I could make that process a helpful one for me instead of something deeply destabilizing.
Take a deep breath — you are in control here, you are the boss of you. I completely understand how overwhelmed and lonely you must be feeling. Along with re-shifting your focus, I suggest that you find some outlet for those feelings, whether it's a forum or server where you can talk to other people who are in the same boat, journaling, moving your body in a way that's enjoyable for you, playing a game, making something, anything that helps ground you. Even finding a place where you can just say "I feel overwhelmed" without having to get into specifics can help alleviate some of that stress. People will be here for you if you let them know you're hurting, even if you're not ready or aren't able to give them the details.
Lots of love to you. I know you can move forward in a healthier way, some days will be better than others, what's important is that we remember to give ourselves grace through all the emotional ups and downs. I hope this helps a little bit 🫂💙
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do you have any tips for writing trans characters? I'm an author interested in doing so but I don't have any trans friends I can ask. Aside from the obvious to write them as people and not tokens, what are certain things you think writers should keep in mind? Experience-wise, things to look out for, things that you shouldn't do at all, stuff like that. If you have any tips on how to research further on my own that'd be great too! Thank you!
Random advice for writing trans characters from a trans man that does not speak for the whole community but who cares:
-just go for it. I can't stress this enough. Just write it. Even if it's bad. You can always go back and change it, fix it, rewrite it. But you gotta start first.
-what age is the character? Minors don't generally medically transition beyond possibly hormone blockers. But it does happen depending on the case. I know someone who started stuff in high school.
-you can do a lot with their voice. Once your voice drops you can't change it. There are a lot of voice exercises I've seen for trans women to help raise it. Trans men when they first start hrt will have their voices squeak like teenage boys.
-consider how this affects their relationship with their family. Supportive, unsupportive? Maybe the parents are supportive but the character didn't realize their gender till adulthood, leading the parents to thing they made their child feel unsafe growing up (this happened to me). You can do a lot of stuff with family dynamics beyond just being terrible or amazing. My gf's mom is supportive but asks a lot of personal and inappropriate questions cuz she didn't know any better. Could easy come off bad despite the best intentions.
-location. I live next to an amazing hospital system that has an entire department for LGBT care. It's made medically transitioning super easy and simple. Not everyone is going to have that. Where do they live? What resources do they have access to?
-when did they realize they're trans? Adulthood, childhood? 21? 56? These change a lot about ones personal experiences and their personal journey.
-other health issues? There are a lot of health issues, mental illness, medical conditions, that can make realizing, accepting, getting medical treatment, and getting accepted a lot harder. Many autistic people find it hard to get people to take them serious for example. Someone with a health issue might not be able to bind (cause too much breathing issues), or get onto hrt. Maybe they can't handle specific surgeries.
-what step in their transition are they. Not every trans personal does every single medical transition they can, if they do any at all. I don't have a dick, but I can understand why a trans women would be scared to get rid of hers even if she doesn't want it. Surgery is scary. Needles are scary. I did a gel packet for hrt for my first two years because I didn't like needles. I'm still not over my fear of needles, but I can at least give myself a shot once a week.
-body type. What is their body type. This changes how well they can pass, how the Dr's treat them when they try to medically transition, how other people treat them for being trans, etc. Same thing goes for disability and what not. What other factors are they dealing with outside of being trans?
-how did they come off before and after coming out? I used to come off as a very masculine women. I was seen as a butch lesbian through and through. But then after transitioning I started getting people thinking I was an overly feminine man. I have had people think I was gay and my gf was my beard before. I have not changed my personality at all. I have the same interests, I act the same way, I have not changed at all beyond my outward appearance and being more comfortable in my body. But the way people view me has changed drastically. I went from masculine to feminine (despite going from female to male), curvey to bulky, etc etc. How have people's views of them changed? How does that effect them?
-economic status? It's harder to pay for shit if you don't got money. It's easy for rich parents to hold money over their kids heads to control them as they become adults.
-sexuality? Being trans brings a new experience to dating and especially finding a partner.
-in terms for things to avoid. I know fandom culture will tell you otherwise, but I don't have much for you here. Beyond making sure they actually speak like a normal person. People don't just introduce themselves in class or to coworkers like "hi I'm [name]! I used to be [dead name]. Let's get along!" Ya know? Most people don't tend to bring up they're trans unless it's relevant or they feel safe. There are a lot of ways you can reveal a character is trans that actually feel realistic.
Stuff to research:
-passing techniques for pre-medically transitioning. Binding, tucking, baggy clothes, hair cuts, voice practice, etc etc.
-what kind of care is out there for the characters location and time period. You don't have to be super accurate here. As a reader I won't notice. But it's good to have a feel for what is within the realm of possibility. You aren't going to give a midevil peasant top surgery of the same quality we have in the modern day.
-read articles where trans people talk about how they realized they were trans. How they describe it. It'll help with figuring out how your character might of come to realize things. For example, I cried when I was a child because I wanted to be a boy. But I couldn't explain why. My parents explained I could do anything a boy can while being a girl with the exception of peeing standing up (which got a whole nother tantrum outta me lol). I eventually accepted this and the idea of being male took a back burner. It wasn't important to me. I was so used to the uncomfortableness I felt that I was able to ignore it completely. Until college when I did a drag show as a drag king and felt like myself in a way I never had before. For the most post, I find many trans people had signs growing up that were ignored (whether for good or bad reason. I don't blame my parents at all. I think they made the right call making me feel like I could do anything I wanted to) and then come to actually realize things later on in life. You don't need to show how your character realized things. But them realizing when their 15 vs 22 vs 35 will effect their character. So it'd be good to have some idea of when they realized things.
That's all I can thing of right now. Might add more later. If anyone wants to add more feel free. Hope that helps anon.
#answered#ask#not discourse#trans#writing trans#advice#writing advice#long post#still not proof readin
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Hey, I'm from outside of the community and genuinely want to learn about it. Are not we supposed to avoid "Fujoshi" because it fetishes and objectifies gay men?
Hello anon, thanks for dropping by!
So. I'm gonna start this with, I am a gay man. So I tend to think, uh, my opinion on this matters. And many gay men hold this opinion as well. Many don't. No group is a monolith and if you ask another gay man this question they will have another valid answer. But you asked for mine so here it is.
Fujoshi as modern fandom defines is, largely, a myth. All that a fujoshi is is a girl who read yaoi (or slash, gay fic etc). That's it. That's a fujoshi. Now, what fandom will say about fujoshi is that they are fan girls who, as you say, fetishize and objectify gay men or relationships. Common stories or tropes about fujoshi is that they are very rude and invasive to real queer men, want them to kiss or make out for their entertainment, are homophobic irl, are grossed out by lesbians, ask who the top/seme and bottom/uke are, etc. And you know. There are people like this. I've met a few. But the key word there is few. And I met these people when I was a teenager, and they were teenagers, in the early to late 2000s. It is my belief that the idea of the gross otaku fetishistic fujoshi is a dated stereotype by and large.
Part of your opinion on this rests on wether or not you think consuming porn of a certain type is objectifying or fetishizing. And I just don't think it is in and of itself. I just. Don't have a problem with girls getting off to fics about gay men. I really don't. I don't have a problem if a girl only likes or reads m/m content *provided she is a good person to real people*. Like, don't think that gay men are always like how they are in yaoi. Don't be grossed out by lesbians. Learn how to be an ally and you can consume all the gay shit you want. I prefer this over the days of "ew I didn't know this was a YOWEE STORY"
Women are shamed for everything, including their bodies and sexualities. Many girls enjoy m/m content because they can enjoy romance without comparing themselves with a perfect fictional woman. They don't have to fit the beauty standards of the main characters or worry that they aren't looking or acting like them.
And there's one more thing. There is AN AMOUNT of "straight yaoi fan girls" who turn out neither straight nor girls. Finding slash fic when I was a teenager was not only my gateway out of my homophobic upbringing but was the first step in me realizing I wasn't a straight girl, but a gay man.
In conclusion, leave fan girls alone. If they aren't treating real gay men badly or speaking for/over real gay men on issues about gay men then let them be.
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Momento Bakugo x Reader Chapter 34
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Summary: So I was always told to look on the bright side. The bright side is that I’m finally meeting the Number One and Two pro-heroes Deku and Dynamight. The downside is that I was publicly dragged out of my job for a string of robberies that I did not commit and am being detained for questioning.
Length: 10.5k
Warnings:Oral Sex, Food Kink, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Mirror Sex, Quirk Kink (My Hero Academia), Shameless Smut, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Emotional Constipation, Chocolate Syrup, Fluff, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Temperature Play, Hate Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blood and Injury, Heavy Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Panty Kink, Semi-Public Sex, Creampie, Bondage, Body Worship, Light Dom/sub, Daddy Kink, Pegging, Public Masturbation, Office Sex, Wank and Tell, Polyamory, So like at the very very end there’s KatsukixReaderxKirishima, But it happens so last minute I don’t feel justified tagging it as one of the main relationships, Constructive Criticism Welcome
A03
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A/N: Enjoy *looks at word count* uhhh 10.5k worth of content holy shit.
It's been a few days since I went with Kirishima to 2AM Nightshift. It surprisingly brought us a lot closer. At first, I was just texting him about questions that came up in my research. Then hero opinions. Before we knew it, we're texting constantly about everything. My phone pinged and I picked it up.
Sweaty Boi:
Tomorrow. You can peg me then.
My eyes popped out of my head. Tomorrow? Tomorrow? Am I ready? I left the chat and texted Kirishima.
Y/N:
It's tomorrow AHHHHHH!
Kiri:
What's tomorrow
Y/N:
Using Harness Time
Kiri:
Oh.
Good luck my student.
Y/N:
Thank you sensei
I'll do my best!
Kirishima sent a bunch of laughing emojis in response. I rushed over to the living room where Iris was hanging with Miruko. A fact I'm still getting used to. I waved for her attention.
"Can I talk to you?" I loudly whispered to Iris.
She rolled her eyes. Miruko kissed Iris on the cheek before she got up and came over.
"What's up?" She asked.
"I'm pegging Katsuki tomorrow."
"Holy shit!" Iris gasped.
"I know!" I squealed then the panic set in. I looked down and starting biting my thumbnail. "I know..."
"You're so dramatic."
"What if it's not good?" I asked.
"Then you laugh it off!" She said, slowly realizing I wasn't kidding.
"I don't wanna be funny, I wanna be sexy!" I whined.
"Girl, it's fine! You're gonna be fine either way. Don't stress."
"Easy for you to say pillow princess."
"Don't get mad cuz I'm living the lesbian dream."
I rolled my eyes and shooed her away as she laughed at me. I went back to my room, working out the details with Katsuki. I'll show up at his place early and prepare. It's gonna be good, great even maybe. I glanced at the harness. The articles said putting it on and getting comfortable are crucial steps. But I'd always felt silly with it on. So I would take it off quickly. I'm hoping I don't feel that way tomorrow and that if I do. it's quickly chased away. I clicked off my night lamp and went to sleep. I've got a long day tomorrow.
Katsuki POV
I looked at my phone, a shaky exhale leaving me. I hated to admit it but I was fucking nervous. I've been with men before and it was alright but I preferred to top. Especially since the men I did sleep with didn't know what they were doing. And no girl I've ever been with suggested anything like this before. The only two people I know who won't make a gossip chain about this whole thing are Deku and Eijirou. Deku is a no-go. He's way too analytical about this stuff. And Ei...well he's still awkward around me. For good reason but that doesn't help the current situation. I pulled up a number I never fully expected to contact on my own without Y/N being involved.
Katsuki:
You got pegged right?
What was it like?
-Incoming call Ori-
I groaned and clicked accept before I could second guess it. I immediately regretted it when an overly excited voice answered.
"First, you contacted me just in time! I literally just stepped in my house after my camping trip! Second, are you and her gonna do it?"
"Maybe." I mumbled.
He squealed on the other end then calmed down.
"First, I couldn't be happier this is our first real conversation with just us. Second, I'll totally give you all the ins and outs. You ready?"
I pinched my eyebrows.
"Sure."
"Okay. So have you ever done anal before?"
"...Yes." I said reluctantly.
"Cool. So that makes it easier. Basically all the same things you needed then, you'll need here. A shit ton of lube, some preparation beforehand and to communicate the whole time especially since its your first pegging experience."
"How is it different?"
"I don't know how to explain it other than you feel like your comfort zone is a mile away. And that's for both parties."
I thought back to what she said when she won the bet.
Have fun begging for my plastic dick princess.
"I doubt it. She seemed confident."
"Trust me, I've known her for a while. She's always a nervous wreck when it comes to something new. Anyway, how are you feeling about this thing you're about to experience?"
"Nervous honestly." I sighed. "The other times I've done anal haven't been magical."
"Wow really. Well I'm sure this time will be different. Even if it might be awkward the first time."
"I doubt this will be a regular thing."
"I can't emphasize enough that once you hop on that train you want to stay on it. But that might just be me." He laughed. "Also do me a favor."
"What favor?"
"Please make sure to communicate. You guys are trying something hella new. I'm sure both of you are kinda freaking out. Otherwise I doubt you'd call me of all people for tips."
"...I will."
"Awesome! I hope this helped! I'm really exhausted and miss my bed so I gotta lay down. Let me know how it goes okay? It's gonna be awesome."
"Sure." I said, surprised that I meant it.
He hung up and I lowered the phone. I didn't know what I expected but I liked how that was handled. He didn't make a big deal out of anything I said like my friends would have. Maybe there's more to him than being a flashy whiny guy. I put away my phone and grabbed one more bottle of lube. Then walked out of 2AM Nightshift after I paid. I felt my heart start to race in anticipation for tomorrow.
Y/N POV
I didn't sleep much last night. I got a few hours in but I needed to head over to Katsuki's place. I put in the spare key and entered the apartment. It was unusual being here without him. Like I didn't belong. I shook my head trying to rid myself of those thoughts. One anxiety at a time. In his bedroom, as promised, everything we needed was on the bed. I surveyed the stuff making sure we had all the supplies and enough of it before moving onto the part I was dreading. The harness. I looked to see where the opening was and how to tighten it before attempting to put it on. Once I figured that out, I put on the harness and tightened it.
When the dildo was secured, I immediately felt out of place, vulnerable and like I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Which I honestly didn't have ANY IDEA and even if I did all that research ultimately I didn't know how to actually do this. I've never felt this nervous about anything before. My chest tightened and my heart started racing. The room was closing in and my mind flooded with insecurities and doubts. On instinct, I reached for my phone and called Kirishima. I didn't know why but I did.
Two rings and he answered with a confused 'hello?'.
I immediately recognized I made a mistake.
"Hi." My voice cracked.
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked urgently.
"No! Butt dial!" I said choking out short sentences to keep the panic out of my voice.
"Please just tell me."
I tried to breathe in but I choked on it and tears started falling and I was definitely crying on the phone to Kirishima now fuck.
"Please at least tell me where you are!"
"I...Um. Actually I'm freaking out and I'm at Katsuki's and its stupid but I really need-"
The phone suddenly shut off. Ran out of batteries. I took off the stupid harness and threw it to the side. After a few frustrating minutes, I found a charger for my phone and plugged it in. I had about 45 minutes before Katsuki came back so maybe a walk would calm me down. Charge phone. Walk. Apologize to Kiri. All good. I pulled on a shirt. Then changed into one of Katsuki's last minute. His scent wafting on the shirt helped calm me down a little. The doorbell rang. Followed by frantic hard knocks. I rushed to the door, opening it and Kiri immediately grabbed me by the shoulders, his breath heaving.
"Are you okay?" He said in a rush.
Tears welled up in my eyes and he quickly closed the door behind himself.
"What's wrong? Did you two fight?"
He's either a fast runner or lives extremely close. That was like 5 minutes tops.
"No. It's really dumb. How'd you get here so fast?"
"I live a few doors down. And it's not dumb if you're this upset."
"It's..." I felt embarrassment crawl up my spine so I took his hand and guided him to Katsuki's bedroom.
I pointed to the strap and Kiri's eyes widened slightly. He looked back at me, confused.
"I...I don't know what I'm doing and like Katsuki's really going out of his comfort zone for this and I want it to be good for him but I don't know if I can do it and I-"
Kirishima pulled me against his chest, his thick arms wrapping around me. It felt nice. It felt really nice. Maybe hugs were better than walks.
"This might be my fault for not giving you enough info." He said softly.
"No, no. I did research and you helped me so much. I just-I don't have any practice anywhere near this and maybe I should call it off?"
"Is this something you want to do?" He asked delicately.
"Yes. I'm just scared it won't be good for Katsuki. Plus like it's-this is so weird but-it's so much more vulnerable wearing it than I imagined and..."
I sighed heavily.
"I feel like if I run away from this I'll never do it. Which is a bad reason maybe? To do this but."
"What would help you feel more prepared?"
"...Having practice. Being shown the ropes." I said, closing my eyes at how that sounds.
Especially towards a guy who decidedly isn't Katsuki.
"...Okay. Then I'll show you." He said.
I stiffened and looked up at him, surprised. He was looking away, face red as a tomato.
"You...don't have to do that, I'm just being dumb."
"Dumb or not...I want you to feel good about this. You were so excited the other day."
"Kirishima..." I said feeling tears prick my eyes.
"C'mon." He said, picking up the harness and handing it to me. I felt self-conscious as I put it on but I swallowed and set it back up. I avoided eye contact for a moment before looking at him. He looked away, blushing, which oddly made me feel better. It wasn't this...huge thing. At least not as huge as I made it in my head. I tapped him and then jokingly shook my hips from side to side earning a little laugh. This...felt better.
"Okay." He said taking two pillows and putting them together.
He pulled me forward until the dildo was touching the crevice between the two pillows. I looked at him and he shrugged.
"It's the best we got."
I smiled. "Fair and valid."
"Try thrusting."
Now I'm nervous. I fidgeted a bit and Kirishima smiled, rolling his eyes. He grabbed my hips and pushed them forward.
"Like this. Now try." He said, letting go.
I did a few experimental ones, very nervous but it...it didn't feel bad. Just weird. Different. Way more simple than I made it in my head.
"Now depending on where the prostate is you might want to..."
He grabbed my hips and lifted me a bit, prompting me to get on my toes, bending me over. He settled my hands near the edge of the pillows.
"Now thrust like that." He said, his voice a little huskier than before.
I thrusted but this time, it felt more...erotic. I bit my lip.
"Is that good?" I asked, my voice a little airy.
"Great. Now roll your hips like this." He gripped my waist, twisting it into the pillows.
His body was close to mine, his lips by my ear. I tried to keep myself from reacting. I could feel his fingers gripping my sides. And his chest is REALLY defined. This...this was bad. Really bad.
"L-Like this?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Perfect." He responded, his voice a low growl.
A thrill went down my spine. I quickly got up and Kirishima cleared his throat. I undid the harness since greeting Katsuki dick out seemed like it would be awkward. Kirishima stood back a few steps, looking carefully at anywhere but me or the bed. Once I got the harness off, I looked at Kirishima who, after a moment, met my gaze. I shuffled around a bit and stepped out to hug him. He hugged me back, squeezing tightly.
"Thanks. That helped." I said, my face heating up.
"Anyway just prepare him alot and you'll be golden. Just take your time. You've got this." He said softly.
"Ei? What are you doing here?" Katsuki said.
I froze. He's home early. I'm in his bedroom, hugging another man. A man who I just had a weird sexual tension with. My body started trembling as I anticipated getting yelled at. Getting hit. He's gonna think I'm a whore. He's going to hate me, I just got him to stop hating me. He's gonna leave. All because I was stupid.
You're the kind of girl who enjoys "a thrill". The thrills you go for though, aren't something anyone else is going to tolerate.
No one else is going to deal with that. No one wants a girl who isn't satisfied with just them.
"Hey!" A gentle hand grabbed my face.
Kirishima was still holding me, this time his arms tightened around me, trying to keep my body from trembling.
"I'm sorry." I whimpered.
"For what?" Katsuki asked softly.
I didn't know what he wanted me to say. What were the right words? What were the magic words? What do I need to say for you to forgive me? I stared at him, still trembling.
"Ei, please tell me what's wrong with her." He pleaded.
"I don't know she was fine just a minute ago. Before that she called me over because she was really nervous about tonight."
"Is that it? We can do it tomorrow! I'll still do it okay?" Katuski said, swiping the tears off of my face.
When did I start crying?
Why do you always act like I'M the bad guy! Quit acting like you're hurt!
Fuck that's just gonna make him more mad. I'm not supposed to cry, I'm in the wrong. I shook my head, finally able to calm down enough to realize...he wasn't mad? He wasn't yelling. Why wasn't he mad?
"You don't hate me?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"Why? What?"
"Because Kiri's over?" I whispered, scared.
"Why would....?" Katsuki asked. "Hosei...that bastard." He growled under his breath as he lovingly stroked my cheek.
"Ei showed me how to thrust." I said, because he has to hate me.
He just doesn't know the context. Of course, if he knew the whole context, he'd get mad. It made sense. And lying would only make it worse.
"Yea?" He asked. "Okay?"
"I liked it." I said in a small voice, tearing up again.
His eyes widened again. This is when he berates me. I tensed up, waiting for his blow up. Instead he looked at Kirishima.
"Can you run me through it?" Katsuki asked Kirishima.
Kirishima looked a bit guilty and nodded. His arms loosed around me but when he noticed my body was still trembling, he held me again. And I hated that I needed it. I enjoyed it. Being comforted and held. I really was the worst. His hand rubbed soothing circles on my back. I relaxed a bit, even though I didn't want to.
"She called me about 20 minutes ago and seemed really upset. Her phone suddenly cut out so I ran over here to check on her. When she opened the door she was in tears because she was nervous she'd make the pegging experience bad for you."
I buried my head into Kirishima's chest. He rubbed my back and continued.
He hates me. He hates me. He hates me.
"I asked what would help her feel more prepared and she said if she was shown how to do it. So I showed her."
Kirishima paused.
"I was also into it." He admitted guiltily. "I guided her hips with my hands and I made things awkward."
I wanted to argue because it wasn't awkward for me. It was hot. But saying that would make things worse. A million times worse and I was already in deep shit.
"So you both feel guilty...because he touched your hips to help you peg me." Katsuki said.
I froze again. He sounded...amused. I looked up from Kirishima's chest to find a small smirk on Katsuki's face. He looked at Kirishima who blushed and looked away. Katsuki looked at me, putting his hand on my cheek, stroking it with his thumb. I screwed my eyebrows together, completely stunned by this reaction. I didn't know what this meant and it put me more on edge.
"First I'm not mad. At all. Ei and I talked about this." Katsuki said.
What?
I looked up at Kirishima in surprise, whose blush deepened.
"Talking about that and this are two different things."
"Not really." Katsuki shrugged.
Kirishima blustered at Katsuki's nonchalance and they bickered back and forth until I raised my hand.
"Can someone please fill me in?" I said in a small voice.
"I..uh. " Kirishima let out a sigh. "I saw you guys that day in the office right?"
My face heated up and I nodded.
"So ever since I couldn't...really...stop thinking about it? And at first I felt guilty because I thought that I was attracted to just you. But it was always you WITH Kats...not usually either of you by yourselves. I mean both of you are individually hot just-ugh." He groaned, his blush deepening.
"He started acting weird around me and I cornered him until he talked." Katsuki butt in. "He told me he thinks he likes us both. And when he told me, I realized I was okay with that. More than okay."
My eyes widened and I turned to Kirishima whose eyes were screwed shut. It's true. But wait. Was this a test? Was this really okay? Or what if this happens and then one of us realized we weren't okay with it. What did this mean? What is this now? Kirishima gave me a light tap on the head.
"Just take it at face value...I haven't really figured out anything beyond me being attracted to you both." He mumbled.
I looked at Katsuki who watched me take all this information in.
"So I'm not in trouble?" I asked softly.
"No."
Doubts still ran around in my mind and at this point Katsuki started to look irritated. So he looked at Kirishima.
"Ei. Kiss her."
I turned to ice in his arms. I wouldn't move. I couldn't believe what I heard.
"Don't." I whispered. "If you're testing me don't. Just yell at me."
"I'm not." Katsuki asserted. "This really is okay. No games. I promise."
Katsuki put his hand on my chin and turned me to face Kirishima who was looking down at me, debating in his head. After a moment, he glanced at Katsuki who nodded. Then he leaned down and touched his lips softly to mine. It was a small touch but I was brought to reality all at once. Katsuki wanted Kirishima to be here. I...I wanted him to be here. I liked being in his arms. And his hug is so different from Katsuki's. And he's warm and nice and apparently has a kiss that made me want to smile.
Where Katsuki is lean and strong, Kirishima was built like a brick house, almost dwarfing me. It made me feel delicate which...I also liked. Kirishima's lips pressed to mine again and I pressed back, hesitant. We broke apart with a slight pop. I couldn't look at Katsuki, I was scared. Kirishima made the choice for me and turned my chin towards him. I looked at him, then looked down, my eyes widened. He...was half hard.
'It took me getting him drunk but Ei admitted everything. One of the things being that he wanted to eat you out." Katsuki said in a husky voice. "Do you want that?"
"I...the..." I said dumbly.
"You'll peg me, don't worry." He said with a smirk. "But I think...since he might be joining the mix...he should get a fantasy in too." He said, his eyes searching mine for any discomfort.
I wasn't uncomfortable with the idea. I was scared that my lack of discomfort would cause problems later on. It always seemed to.
"If...Kirishima's okay with it." I said turning to him.
He looked down at my lips. "Eijirou." He said. "Call me Eijirou."
I nodded. Katsuki took my hand and guided me to the bed. He planted a soft kiss on my forehead. Eijirou walked up and stood at the edge of the bed, waiting.
"Is this okay?" Katsuki asked.
It struck me that I actually had control over this. Where this went. I've slept with multiple people before. But for my opinion to matter this much. For everyone to really want me to want this not for their sake but for mine. I threw my arms around Katsuki and kissed him hard. He made a surprised noise but reciprocated. When we broke apart, I nodded. I felt the bed dip as a hand gently guided my face. Eijirou stared hard, his demeanor changing into one more...commanding. I saw Katsuki shiver next to me from the corner of my eye. This was just like when we went shopping except full blown.
"I need a yes." Eijirou said.
"...Yes." I said softly.
He let go of my face and looked at Katsuki. Katsuki kissed my cheek then travelled down, sucking on my neck. I couldn't look into Eijirou's eyes but I knew his gaze was on me. Every soft kiss Katsuki gave me was magnified under his careful watch. My breath quickened. Eijirou's hands teased at the shirt barely covering my thighs and lifted it up. He sucked in a breath, marveling at the state I was in down there. My panties were soaked through. I tried closing my legs but he kept a tight grip.
"How long have you been wet?" He asked me.
I wanted to be shy but his gaze drew me in. Leaving no way out.
"Since your lesson." I murmured.
Eijirou hummed and got in close. I moved my legs again to cover myself but he pinned me down with a stern look. He hooked a finger in my panties, rubbing my center. Biting his lip, he slowly pulled them off of me, marveling at how unwilling the soaked fabric was to separate from me. He stood up and unbuttoned his pants. The dark boxers were pulled down to reveal...holy shit. Katsuki cursed and I gulped. He was huge. Thick, long and dripping with pre-cum. He took the panties and stroked his cock with the soaked part.
"I've been trying to hide this since you answered the door. You really should consider putting on pants next time." He said, his voice ending in a moan.
He bent over, kneeling at the edge of the bed and gripped my hips, roughly pulling me towards him. It was...fuck it was so hot. I felt myself getting wetter and the look of approval in his eyes wasn't helping. He gave me an experimental lick and my breath stuttered. Katsuki adjusted himself, before lifting my shirt further and licking at my breasts.
Unlike Katsuki, Eijirou's method didn't rush to bring me to the edge. He took his time. Every lick a careful build to a steadily rising amount of pleasure. Katsuki followed his lead, lazily licking and sucking my chest. He pulled off with a pop and moved up to kissing my neck. A low groan left my lips as I started grinding back onto Eijirou's face. He smiled, moving back.
"Show me how you like it." He said.
Then he moved closer and stuck out his tongue, not moving. I whined and ground myself on his tongue feeling kind of humiliated. But the embarrassment, the debasing of myself to chase my own pleasure while he sat there, made me grind faster. My muscles started to tighten as I found a rhythm I liked. He wrapped his arms around my thighs and spread my lips with his thumbs. Then he started licking emphasizing all the places I ground into him the most. Going almost the same rhythm except a little faster. Gasps flew out of my mouth as I met his licks. He made eye contact as he flicked my clit with his tongue.
"Fuck." I gasped as I felt my legs start to tremble.
Katsuki licked his fingers and started rubbing my nipples while he sucked behind my ear. My gasps turned into moans which turned into begging when Katsuki latched his mouth onto my breast and rolled the bud with his tongue. He lightly bit and I cried out, my back arching off the bed. Katsuki stopped sucking and looked at Eijirou.
"Ei finger her." He said before licking the other nipple.
I felt two fingers plunge inside me and fish around before they curled up.
"Ah!" I panted. "Y-yes. There!" I stuttered, my body jerking with each curl of his fingers.
Staccato moans flew out of me as he found a rhythm and started licking again. It's almost too much. It's too much. I squeezed my eyes shut as my body unsuccessfully tried to fold into itself. I clawed at the sheets beside me, losing my grip on everything. Pleasure shooting up and down my body. Radiating from the spots where Katsuki and Eijirou showed no mercy.
My body wound tight as I turned my head to the side trying to catch my breath. I'm so close, I'm so fucking close I could taste it. Katsuki leaned in my ear, his hands still working my poor abused breasts. He went behind me and sat me up. Forcing my chin over to make me watch Eijirou work my folds. His rough, calloused hands went back to working my nipples as we watched my thighs tremble around Eijirou's head.
"Fuck his face baby. Cover my best friend in your cum." He purred in my ear.
The image popped in my mind and I exploded. My thighs gripped around Eijirou's head as I shamelessly ground into it. I covered my face as I came for what felt like forever. He sat up, still using his hand to finger fuck me as his palm ground into my clit. Ripping my hands away from my face, his eyes lit up as he watched me climax. Tears built on the corners of my eyes as I twitched and whined under his gaze. He gripped my hands to prevent me from hiding anything from him or Katsuki as they watched me fall apart to my entirety.
"Eiji-please stop." I whimpered.
"I heard you squirted the other day." Eijirou purred, his fingers not stopping. "Think you can do that again?
I shook my head and struggled. Katsuki stopped his ministrations then hopped from the bed and removed Eijirou's fingers, licking them clean. He laid me down and settled at the edge of the bed, hooking my legs over his shoulders. Then he quickly moved in on my cunt. The difference was fucking night and day. He shoved three fingers in, going at a much faster pace. Then latched onto my cunt and licked at a slightly different rhythm than his fingers. My orgasm built up like a tidal wave. Even quicker than usual because of Eijirou's unwavering lustful gaze.
Eijirou climbed onto the bed where Katsuki was. He sat back and started jacking off with my panties. My cunt clenched, as I saw him lick his lips, his gaze predatory. The precum on Eiji's cock pouring out, mixing in with the already soaked fabric. Katsuki groaned on my clit, the vibrations lighting every nerve ending on fire. Eijirou let out a wanton moan as he stroked faster. His eyes hungrily raked over my body as I writhed under Katsuki's assault. I'm so close. I'm so fucking close.
"Mm! FFf-uck!" I wailed as I gripped the covers, skating the edge.
"Come with me, pet." Eijirou growled.
My back arched off the bed as I squirted all over Katsuki. Warm splashes of cum hit my stomach as Eijirou came, his big cock twitching hard with the effort.
"Fuck Yea!" Katsuki groaned as my body twitched.
I rode his fingers, my toes curling painfully as they dug into his back. Eijirou petted my hair as his eyes shone. Katsuki rubbed my thigh with his other hand as the spasms slowed down. I dropped onto the mattress, boneless, as Katsuki pulled out his fingers and kissed my thighs.
"Good girl." Eijirou said, giving his cock one last pump before letting go.
My face burned but I loved it. I wanted to be his good girl. I liked being his good girl. I nuzzled into his hand, trying to think thoughts after all that. Eijirou placed soft kisses all over my wrists traveling up to my neck while Katsuki rubbed soothing circles on my thighs.
"So. Still doubt it's okay with me?" Katsuki asked cheekily.
"No." I grumbled. "I figured it out along the way."
Eijirou laughed a bit and I smiled. I caught Katsuki looking between us. I could still sense some hesitation but he looked like he was comfortable with this. I looked at Eijirou who absentmindedly kept petting my hair, his brow furrowed slightly. Then his lips curled into a slight smile. I felt relieved. It's...a process but it seemed good. This felt good. I turned towards Eijirou.
"Can you get my harness please?" I asked sweetly.
Katsuki's eyes widened.
"I know for a fact you need to recover." He said hastily.
"I can get on my knees." I said cheekily as Eijirou handed me my harness. "Besides, a brat like you needs to be put in his place." I said, my voice turning dark. "Your little plan to wear me out didn't work."
Katsuki gulped as Eijirou and I turned towards him.
"Get on the bed, doll." Eijirou said, his voice leaving no room for argument.
Katsuki's eyes widened at him. He looked...really nervous. I reached out and grabbed his chin. I tried to channel all of my calm and confidence.
"I'll take care of you, love." I said my voice coming out commanding, sultry and enticing.
His eyes grew half lidded as he zeroed in on me. He gulped and got on the bed, his cock straining against his boxers. He sat down and faced us. Eijirou crawled over to him and pulled off his boxers. There wasn't any kissing or touching beyond that but it was intense. I couldn't predict the things they were thinking but I knew they've both been looking forward to this moment for a long time. They almost looked like they couldn't believe it was happening.
Eijirou bit his lip and planted a soft kiss on Katsuki's forehead. Katsuki stiffened for a bit then grabbed his face and kissed him hard on the lips. They broke apart, then kissed again and again a sigh of relief radiating from both of them. Eijirou pulled back and I could see the shine in Katsuki's eyes. Eijirou glanced at me then him and let a slow deep breath out.
"Turn around." Eijirou said after a moment.
Katsuki complied and I felt my nerves shoot up again. Eijirou rubbed my back, then took my hand and placed it on Katsuki's ass. He used my hand to knead the skin there in slow soothing circles. Katsuki slowly but surely relaxed. Eijirou pulled out the lube and spread it all over our hands. Feeling him slowly slick it all over my fingers, soft squelches and the intense look in his eye stoked a burning heat in my abdomen.
"Ready?" He asked us.
I nodded and Katsuki took a deep breath.
"Ready."
"Okay this is gonna feel weird at first alright?" Eijirou cautioned as he gave me a nod.
Eijirou hesitantly curled his hand around Katsuki's cock, giving a few experimental pumps. Katsuki gasped and Eijirou gave me a nod. I reached out and circled the hole before slowly sinking my finger in. Katsuki tensed up even as Eijirou kept stroking his cock to ease the sting. I felt a slight bump and pushed. Katsuki let out a strangled moan.
"Should I stop?" I asked him. "How are we feeling?"
"...Again." He grunted.
His voice sounded embarrassed and desperate. I looked at Eijirou. He smiled and nodded. Katsuki moaned and whined with every stroke. He buried his head in the sheets, his whole body turning red As I kept going.
"Add another finger." Eijirou said.
I complied, hearing Katsuki's moans pitch higher and more desperate. He started to move his hips in time with my fingers. Slowly but surely we eased Katsuki until he was stretched out to Eijirou's satisfaction. He hummed and looked between Katsuki's legs.
"How are we feeling?" I asked again.
Katsuki didn't answer. I looked down to see what he was feeling and my eyes widened. Katsuki's eyes were hazy, tongue lolling as he panted. Drool trailed from his lips, a deep blush painting over his face. It was...beautiful. I bit my lip. I looked over to Eijirou who leaned in close to my ear.
"It's only gonna get better from here."
The thought sent a thrill down my spine. I got up and quickly pulled on the harness. Making sure it was secure before climbing back on the bed. I pressed the dildo against his hole and paused.
"Is this okay?" I asked.
He nodded.
"I need a yes." I said firmly.
"Yes. Fucking do it." He whined, his voice shaky.
I wanted to comment on his tone but...not now. Not while he's trying something so new. I looked at Eijirou who started pumping Katsuki's cock again. I slowly sunk the tip in, Katsuki hissed in response, tensing.
"Try to relax." I said softly.
Eijirou lazily stroked his cock and rubbed soothing circles in his back as I slowly but surely sunk in. Katsuki panted beneath me, trying to adjust to the sensation. Finally, I was all the way in.
"Katsuki? Tell me when I can move okay?" I said
"Okay,'' he said in a tight voice.
Eijirou kept stroking his cock and rubbing circles on his back until Katsuki moved his hips forward and back a bit. He let out a breath.
"Okay. You can move." He said softly.
I leaned over and kissed his back tenderly.
"Thanks for trusting me."
I pulled my hips back and thrusted. He gasped. I pushed back in and out a few times trying to get the hang of it. Then Katsuki let out a loud moan. I froze. Then tried to repeat. He moaned again, this time higher pitched. I think I found it. I started a rhythm thrusting slowly, the way Eijirou showed me. Katsuki's hands grabbed the pillow.
"Faster." He panted, fucking back into me. "Please"
I obliged, grabbing his ass and setting a more brutal pace. A long moan rattled out of him as loud squelches filled the air. Ei sat back, stroking his cock in time, his eyes trained on where my strap disappeared into his ass.
"Fuck! Harder. Just like that!" Katsuki panted, the covers starting to steam where his hand gripped.
I pushed his back down and fucked into him. Feeling powerful and in control and so unbelievably turned on. I could feel my cunt soaking the back of the dildo as Katsuki writhed underneath me. Every single moan that flew out his mouth went straight to my head and cunt. THE Katsuki Bakugo, begging me to fuck him harder. I could get used to this but I wasn't done.
Katsuki whined. He whined when I stopped. I pulled out slowly and he gasped when I was all the way out. God I wanted to touch myself. I pinched my nipples and bit my lip, trying to will myself to focus. Eijirou crawled up to me and lapped at my breasts. His sharp teeth caused me to buck into his touch. He loosened the harness a bit and reached down, circling my sensitive bud. Katsuki huffed, impatient. Eijirou popped off my breast.
"Wait, you brat." He growled.
Then he sat up and kissed me. His other hand stroked my plastic dick and I don't know what it is about it but it made every nerve a live wire. His tongue traced my lips then he pulled me into a deeper kiss. He thumbed my nipples as he leaned in close to my ear.
"Make him beg, pet." He murmured in my ear.
Fuck.
Fuck yes fuck .
He kissed my neck and sucked and it's so fucking different and good. He bit into it, I sighed as he pulled my hair back. He smirked, then kissed me softly. Like he had all the time in the world. He Fucking had me in a vice grip. I...oh god I wanted so much but for right now I wanted one thing.
"Can I suck your cock?" I asked.
He abruptly pulled back and looked into my eyes.
"You may." He said and I felt his words wash over me.
My body sunk down, face level with his hot throbbing member.
"Katsuki. Watch." I said sternly.
I watched him reluctantly reposition himself and his eyes widened at the sight. Eijirou towering over me, his cock pressed to my cheek.
"Don't touch yourself." I said before I kissed the tip.
Eijirou hissed as I licked along the length of his cock. I started at the tip and sunk down, trying to accommodate his size. It was hard but it made my thighs clench. Eijirou grabbed the back of my head but didn't push. He let me set the pace. I sucked what I could reasonably fit down my throat and jerked the rest. The harness was like a chastity belt, preventing me from getting that beloved friction and I loved it.
Heat pooled at my core as I sped up, spit flying everywhere. Eijirou cursed as he accidentally thrusted a bit. I gagged a bit and I could see parts of him harden his fingers scratching my head a bit.. I reached up and massaged his balls as he lost himself using me as a fleshlight. My body was reaching a fever pitch and I wanted to be touched and fucked so bad but I needed to see this glorious cock cum. I yanked my head back, stood up and forced Eijirou to sit on the bed facing Katsuki. I reached my hand down and jerked his cock.
Katsuki looked like he didn't know where to focus. His gaze flicked from me to Eijirou to his dick to my strap. His cock stood harder than I've ever seen it, a fountain of pre-cum dripping down. He trembled and I saw the look in his eyes become desperate as I leaned into Eijirou's ear. My hand curled around his throat and he tensed. His cock twitched in my hand and by the way he was desperately thrusting into my grip, I knew he was close. In this moment, Eijirou was a slave to his desires.
"Cum all over him." I growled in his ear.
With a loud cry, he came all over Katsuki who looked ten seconds from cumming himself. Eijirou panted as I milked him for all he was worth. Then I let go.
"Please someone touch my cock." Katsuki whined.
Eijirou shakily sat up and he must've glared because Katsuki's mouth snapped shut.
"You just want a touch?" He growled.
He held up his foot to Katsuki.
"If you're that desperate, grind on my foot and cum."
Katsuki didn't move, warring with his pride. Eijirou used his foot to press down and rubbed up and down his cock. Katsuki blushed, clearly embarrassed but his body shivered at the contact. He looked away.
"You seem to like this Kacchan." Eijirou mocked. "You can cum right now if you want."
He shook his head. "No. Please. Please fuck me." Katsuki begged.
"Are you gonna be patient til I'm done with your girlfriend?" He asked.
Katsuki whimpered and nodded.
"Good boy."
Katsuki's body jolted and he blushed. Eijirou scoffed and pulled me back onto the bed. He glanced at Katsuki and a wicked gleam entered his eye. He stood at the edge of the bed where I was before, standing behind me.
"I think he deserves a little punishment yea?" Eijirou asked me.
"What do you have in mind?"
"I think I want to remind Katsuki what he's waiting for." He said playfully. "Bend over."
I got on my hands and knees hesitantly. Eijirou undid the harness. I gave him a questioning look but I let him do what he needed to. Then he grabbed my neck and pushed down gently. Oh...oh. My breath picked up.
"Y/N. You can tell me to stop at any point." He said gently. "Okay?"
"Okay. I will." I said breathlessly.
He lined up at my entrance and I was nervous. Sure I was soaked but I've never...not with someone so big. He pushed in and I felt the air being punched out of me. He sank in slowly inch by inch forever until miraculously somehow he fit all the way inside.
"While we wait for you to adjust, I'm going to give you some tips." He said gently.
"Always try to introduce something familiar with new things. It helps the receiving person relax." He said gently as his finger circled my clit.
I nodded, my body trembling. I moved my hips and let out a shaky breath.
"And asking is usually a turn on." Eijirou said, his voice a low rumble. "For example, how hard do you want me to fuck you in front of your boyfriend?"
My body tightened up, Eijirou rubbed my back with a light laugh.
"If you look, you'll realize he kinda likes this."
I glanced up at Katsuki to see him panting, his cock twitching in anticipation. He gripped the covers, a steam rising from where his hands laid. He was biting his lips, eyes trained on me. I looked back at Eijirou.
"Hard." I said.
His hands gripped my hips, snapping his forward and I saw stars. I couldn't move, he used me as a fleshlight, thrusting into my a-spot over and over and over. I whimpered and sobbed, unable to get a grip on who I was.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god" I chanted, my voice cracking under the intensity.
He put his hand around my neck and pulled my back by my arms. He put one leg up on the bed and thrusted even deeper than before.
"Look at your boyfriend, pet. Make sure he sees." Eijirou commanded.
It wasn't like I had a choice. He kept my face in place and forced me to look. I could only imagine what he saw. His girlfriend drooling and moaning around a cock that isn't his. A monstrous mountain of a man who's pace was relentless and unforgiving. The smoke on the covers burned hotter, more dark, releasing an acrid smell. His cock was a very angry red, full of unreleased cum. His pupils were dilated as he watched Eijirou fuck me.
"You wanna get fucked like this Katsuki?" He growled. "Answer me."
"Yes." Katsuki answered, he looked at me. "Please."
"Good. After this she will." Eijirou hummed, pleased.
He rubbed my clit and I convulsed around his cock. I don't know if he came. I didn't even know what fucking day it was. All I knew was my body crumpling in on itself trying to contain the pleasure I was feeling. When my body stilled, Eijirou pulled out with a loud squelch. I looked back and his cock was drenched. A long string of slick dripped off of his softening cock.
"I think he's been patient enough. Don't you?" Eijirou said to me, glancing at Katsuki.
Give me a minute big guy sheesh.
I looked at Katsuki. He was shaking, obedient and still. Pupils almost drowning out the red as he tried so hard to be good. I smiled a little ruefully knowing I'm going to need a few days after all this. I pointed to my harness and Eijirou handed it to me. I willed feeling back into my everything as I looked at Katsuki.
"Turn around." I said and Katsuki immediately obliged.
"Eijirou. Suck his dick." I said. "Please."
He crawled over, barely recovered from his orgasm and laid down under Katsuki, licking the tip. Katsuki moaned obscenely loud at the contact, earning a chuckle from Eijirou. I crawled onto the bed, grabbing Katsuki's ass as I positioned myself, straddling over Eijirou's body.
"Ready?"
"Yes mistress." Katsuki whimpered. "Please fuck me like that."
Holy fucking shit.
A thrill ran down my spine as I thrusted into him hard. A harsh cry ripped out of his throat and I was worried for a second.
"D-don't stop." He whimpered. "Please."
"Eijirou, suck him like your life depends on it." I grunted.
Then I pounded into him. The loud slap of skin meeting skin played just over the sound of Eijirou slurping and slobbering all over Katsuki's cock. Katsuki wailed and writhed, unable to handle all the sensations coming at once. Eijirou gripped his legs and I grabbed his hair, never stopping my pace.
Pretty whines and moans rained out his mouth as he sobbed into the pillows. Garbled half words punched out of his mouth as he flew closer and closer to the edge. Trying to communicate but ultimately being too cock drunk to do it effectively.
"Cl-close-" he managed to choke out.
Little explosions popped out of his hands and we were ruining his sheets but I wasn't going to stop. Eijirou deepthroated him and I thrusted two more times before he let out a loud strangled cry and came everywhere. I kept going, watching Katsuki breathlessly thanking me for fucking him and letting him come. Eijirou choked and sputtered as he moved out of the way slightly. Katsuki's breath stuttered as he kept cumming all over the sheets. When he stopped, he collapsed on his side. Eyes screwed shut, tears down his face, breathing heavy. I removed the harness immediately and sat him up, holding him. I looked at Eijirou who was using unruined parts of the sheets to wipe himself off. He also was looking at Katsuki carefully.
"Hey baby. Are you okay?" I asked delicately.
He breathed for half a minute, my anxiety growing with each second that passed.
"Maybe I should call you daddy." He said
I snorted and Eijirou cackled. Katsuki laughed lightly and snuggled into me. He looked over to Eijirou and motioned him over. We all cuddled into each other needing some softness after all that.
"Seriously though. Was it okay?" I asked. "The pegging part."
"We're doing that again." He said.
I looked over to Eijirou who kind of held me like a teddy bear.
"How are you feeling?" I asked.
"Like I shouldn't feel as good as I do right now." He murmured.
Why not?
"You dating anyone else?" I asked.
"No." He said. Then he paused. "Else?"
"Not that I'm implying we're dating you now or..." I scrambled, making sure Eijirou didn't feel any pressure.
"We should probably at least take him to dinner after all this." Katsuki mumbled.
"No yea I think that's the least we could do." I agreed
"Uhh?? I had fun?? I should take you guys to dinner, I intruded." Eijirou insisted.
"So anyway, Katsuki, I'm thinking of that one place? The one we passed the other day that looked nice?" I said to Katsuki.
"I'll check the menu later but that's a good idea." He mumbled.
Eijirou looked between us and huffed.
"You guys are stubborn when you're not horny." He grumbled.
"Speaking of horny." I said, turning towards Eijirou and opened my legs.
He looked down, watching his seed drip out. He blushed but he couldn't keep his eyes off of it. It was like a puppy looking at a treat. I sighed and closed my legs.
"Two guys with a breeding kink. We're really gonna test the limits of my birth control huh."
Eijirou jumped.
"Oh shit."
"Yea Katsu said the same thing." I grumbled.
"Sorry..." Eijirou pouted.
I looked at him with wide eyes. He looked to the side, guilty. A pout prominent on his face as thoughts ran through his head. He's so cute. I grabbed him with a tight hug and a huge smile.
"It's okay!" I said, grabbing his face. "Seriously. I was kidding."
He hesitantly grabbed my hips, his eyes still concerned.
"You sure? I mean, I rushed in here without thinking..." he trailed off then another lightbulb went off. "Also I'm tested, I mean STD free. I got tested after my last hookup and it was clean and that was several months ago-"
I covered his mouth to stop his rambling.
"We're also clean." I said. "Also several months? That's a while."
"Hookups can be fun but....it's not my thing." He said softly avoiding our gazes.
Katsuki sat up and roughly hugged Eijirou.
"You better not be implying that was just a hookup idiot."
Eijirou blushed and untangled himself.
"Then what was it?"' He asked softly.
"It sure as hell wasn't casual." Katsuki huffed. "I've...I've never. Done anything like this with anyone."
"I've also...never done anything like this." I agreed. "And we both wanted you here so that counts for something right?"
"We can-" Eijirou started.
"I-" Katsuki said.
They looked at each other. Katsuki cleared his throat.
"We don't have to talk about this now." Eijirou said softly.
"Well we have to do something because otherwise you wouldn't look like that!" Katsuki huffed angrily.
"If this was just something spontaneous that's fine-"
"You were the reason I was open to this!" Katsuki yelled."
We both looked at him.
"I," He gulped and ran his hands through his hair. "There was a while when...I thought...I thought about being with you like this. More often than I was willing to admit." He said softly a blush creeping across his features.
I looked away, waiting for a sting that didn't come. I was surprised to find out I was completely fine with this. So Eijirou was the person everyone thought Katsuki would end up with. Makes sense.
"But we were both trying to build our careers and I needed to recover from the bullshit that happened during our high school years. Then years kept passing by."
Eijirou looked at me. I flicked my eyes to Katsuki and he looked back at him.
"When we were talking about the pegging thing, it brought me back." He said softly. "It...probably never really left. When you told me that you liked us. I was relieved. I know it took alot for you to admit that but I'm glad you did."
Katsuki looked at me, throat bobbing. Waiting. Scared. I don't mind Katsuki liking Eijirou. But both of us being with him stirred feelings.
"This scares me a bit. To be honest." I said softly.
Eijirou and Katsuki froze up. For a moment, before he covered it up, Katsuki looked heartbroken.
"I'm not against it, I just...I can't launch into it." I said.
I sighed deeply and decided to rip the bandaid off.
"Hosei used to make me sleep with other people and then get mad that I did it. This clearly isn't that. And neither of you are like that. I'm just scared."
"And...this sucks to say. Like really sucks but I'm scared you'll like him more than me." I said squeezing my eyes shut. "You guys have a ton of history. Which isn't fair at all and it's dumb but I'm intimidated. What if I don't fit?"
One of them moved towards me and I backed up a bit. I opened my eyes and kept them on the blanket below us.
"I'm...also scared of having more to lose." I said softly. "I just...feel like I got lucky and don't want to push it. I'm anxious and scared. A lot. With anything new and-"
Katsuki crawled over, picked me up and plopped me in between him and Eijirou. Both of them felt warm. And safe.
"Does this feel right to you?"
It did. But.
"Yes or no?" Katsuki asked.
I nodded my head.
"Do you want to date Eijirou, or work towards that?" He asked.
I looked up at him. His eyes were full of concern and understanding. He was built like a bear and had a really nice smile and made me feel safe. But what if-
One guy is never enough for you
You always make me feel like I'm not enough, that's why I bring more guys. It's for you.
Hosei's voice started to morph and shape more onto Katsuki's and I felt panic claw up my throat. I balled my hands into fists willing it to stop there before it consumed me.
"Yes." I said before the doubts could fully form.
Eijirou blushed. Katsuki turned me towards him.
"You won't ever lose me. Or have to compete or whatever. We'll talk it out and see how it goes. I'll always love you. I just also love him. Is that okay?"
Doubts swirled and broke apart before fully formed. They mixed together into new doubts and resurfaced as old ones. All bubbling in my chest.
But what if everything went right?
An image of me sitting in Eijirou's lap while we waited for Katsuki to come home. Planning a surprise together with Katsuki for Eijirou. More hugs. More kisses. Alot of love. And Katsuki would be happy. Really happy. And I could be happy. I wasn't currently in love with Eijirou but he's the kind of guy I could easily love.
"We have to communicate. Like everything." I said.
I looked over to Eijirou who sat very still and very quiet.
"How do you feel about all this? Be honest." I said.
"I'm kind of in shock. About everything."
We looked at him, waiting for him to continue.
"I mean in high school, I had feelings for you Katsuki. But you were so focused and I...I didn't feel good enough."
"You- what?" Katsuki sputtered a vein popping out.
"Just-! You and Midoriya were doing things I couldn't even dream of and I just didn't want to get in the way. And after everything settled, I knew you needed a friend. I knew you needed time. So I just...hid the feelings until they disappeared." He said softly. "When it was too much, I'd hook up to try to forget. Eventually the feelings did go away."
He turned towards me.
"When he got with you, I wasn't even jealous. So I was sure I moved on. I even thought 'wow they look good together, good for them' but I always felt a little sad after thinking that."
He looked at Katsuki.
"Then you guys had a rough spot and it hurt to see you hurting. I wanted to take care of you. And...I was mad at her for hurting you. So when I found out about Midoriya and Yoko's plan, I wanted to help."
He looked away and turned towards the wall, a little blush on his face.
"And when I shared stories about Katsuki, I could see you still loved him and I was so relieved. None of what I was feeling made sense. Til you guys fucked at the office."
The blush on his cheeks deepened as he curled into himself, focusing on not meeting either of our eyes.
"My very first thought was 'I want to be there too.' And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I was in love with two people. People who I don't even know are interested. It sucked."
"Eijirou." I said.
He didn't move. I narrowed my eyes and reached out, grabbing his cheeks and pulling them outwards. He pried me off with tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.
"What was that for?!"
"I got so mad hearing you shit talk yourself I needed to take it out."
He gaped his mouth at me.
"I want to know how you feel about this. When you ignore the anxiety." I said.
"I kind of..." He said softly with a blush. "I mean I obviously want to take this slow but. I...really want to." He blushed.
Katsuki lightly punched his arm.
"Quit holding back. Just say what you're thinking."
"I really liked cumming inside you." He blurted out.
I widened my eyes.
"And I like all of us hugging. And I actually do want us to go to dinner together. And I've wanted to kiss Katsuki for a really long time." He stammered. "And I've fantasized about him sucking my dick more times than I can count. I've probably fantasized about the reverse just as much."
He put his hands over his face, violently blushing. Katsuki snorted.
"I asked Yoko to send me a picture of you in that cheerleader outfit."
I laughed. I couldn't help it. He was so cute and I was so relieved and everything was so new.
"Don't laugh! Are you really okay with this?" He whined.
I climbed into his lap and put his arms around me. His dick jumped when he felt the remnants of our combined cum drip onto it. I laid my hand on his chest. He eventually hugged me.
"I'm okay with it as long as you give me lots of hugs." I said.
He hugged me tight.
"I can do that." He said so sincerely it made me laugh again. "Everyday if you need me to."
I looked at Katsuki who looked complete. I obviously can't predict whether this will work out. But I'd gamble anything for him to look like this. And based on how nice this feels, I'd say we've got good odds.
"So for now, I guess you're dating us." Katsuki said, trying to conceal his eagerness.
"I guess so." Eijirou murmured.
He leaned over and pecked Katsuki on the lips, whose eyes widened. Then he leaned into the kiss. They kissed each other shyly. Then got into the kiss. I...liked seeing them together. He broke off from Katsuki. Katsuki gave him an awkward smile and hugged him. Eijirou smiled wide and hugged back tightly. We sat there for a while longer before deciding to take a bath. It was a tight fit but none of us really wanted to be apart yet. We got clean and climbed into bed. Katsuki and I decided to put Eijirou in the middle just in case he tried to doubt himself at some point.
After a bit of adjusting we ended up sleeping. Both of them were heat radiators so the room was almost too cozy. I managed to fall sleep after cuddling into Eijirou. Shuffling woke me up. Based on how deeply Katsuki seems to be asleep it's been at least an hour. I looked over to see Eijirou trying to get himself off. I sat up and he froze. I looked at him, then his cock.
"Want some help?" I whispered.
He looked away. I smiled and got close to him.
"Doesn't morning wood usually happen in the morning?" I joked.
"I got excited about things we could do. At first it was cute then..." He trailed off.
"Wanna tell me one of your fantasies?" I asked sleepily.
"It's...related to earlier." He said reluctantly.
I mentally recapped the events until a lightbulb hit me. Then I straddled him, pressing the tip of his erect cock at my entrance. Then I leaned in.
"You want me to be your little cum slut?" I whispered in his ear.
He jumped, his breathing turned heavy.
"Yes." He whispered back.
I sunk down on him, ignoring the slight sting. His cock throbbed, I could tell he was already close. He grabbed my ass and maneuvered me the way he liked.
"Don't hold back." I said softly
He picked up the pace, sucking on my tits as he rammed into me. His breathing was becoming unsteady as he got close to the finish line. The slap of skin on skin wet and loud. He grunted and came, spurt after spurt of his seed coating my insides
"My turn." Katsuki huffed.
I jumped as Katsuki sat up. He motioned for me to get up. He rubbed Eijirou's cock and it seemed to magically come to life. No refractory period.
"Nitroglycerin." He said simply.
"Good to know." I said mentally putting away that note for later.
They passed me back and forth a few rounds til they were satisfied. At this point, I was ready to pass out so I was grateful. Katsuki wanted to ride Eijirou but his ass was sore. I also imagine Eijirou's size was intimidating even to the new Katsuki who suddenly loved to bottom. We sleepily stripped the bed and balled up the sheets to wash in the morning. Once we put another set of sheets on the bed we all curled together and slept. It may have been gross but I was too damn tired to bathe.
This time, I woke up alone with the curtains drawn tight. Given how bright the little peeks of sunlight were in the spaces between the drapes, it was probably around noon. I grabbed the nearest t-shirt, which was surprisingly huge on me and tried to look for signs of the guys. When I noticed the Crimson Riot logo, the size of the shirt made a lot more sense. The smell of food pulled me towards the kitchen and I heard their voices drift into the hallway as I got closer.
"...don't want to."
"Kats I do, I'm just kinda worried. What if-I mean-"
"Ei are you having second thoughts?"
"No. I mean well Y/N..."
I stopped walking, trying to listen in. They stayed silent a beat too long and suddenly Katsuki whipped around the corner with a spatula in hand. A long stare in his eyes.
"Nice to see you're awake."
I smiled sheepishly at him and walked into the kitchen. I glanced at Eijirou who quickly looked away from me. My eyebrows pulled together.
"Y/N..." He called out softly. "Do you...How do you feel about last night?"
Honestly? Still processing but the things I did process...
I walked up to Eijirou and wrapped my arms around him. He froze for a second and hugged me back.
"Still processing. But I like waking up to you if that goes for anything." I answered into his chest.
His chest moved as a tiny sigh of relief left him. He rubbed my back.
"You hungry?" He asked, pulling a plate over.
"Starving."
We ate and joked around. Well, I mostly watched Eijirou and Katsuki banter back and forth. And I realized I felt completely happy. I was distinctly aware that not too long ago this was a seemingly impossible wish I buried deep down. To be with people who made me happy and cared. Who I also cared for and would do anything for. There wasn't anything lacking in this moment for me.
Well, there was just one thing.
Memories of how I acted at the start of yesterday replayed. Not just yesterday. There's so many times it's affected me. And a part of me felt ashamed, angry and defeated. I've been in enough therapy to know that healing takes time. That it wasn't unreasonable to have this reaction. I could practically feel Dr. Serwa's leather chair as she would tell me time and time again that leaving was the brave act. And she's right. Hands down. I know this and know this well.
But that part of me hated it. Here I was. Still cowering under just the memory of him. The last I saw Hosei, I was sobbing into Auntie's arms at his abuse. The time before that I just disappeared into the night. It might've been stupid but that tiny part of me needed him to see me okay. That I got back on my feet. That I'm thriving. It's stupid and almost a guaranteed bad idea but I needed it.
His opinion meant nothing to me. But mine did. And I hated myself for running away from him literally every time we parted ways. Even if it was always the right call for me to do so. I wanted to be strong and happy in front of him just once. And leave. Not in a panic or out of fear. Just once, where I'm in control. My smile faded a little bit as I considered the options. I stabbed my fork in the last bite of my food as I landed on a decision.
For the sake of that tiny part of me that needs it. I'll see Hosei one last time.
TO BE CONTINUED
#bakugou x reader#bakugo x reader x kirishima#bakugo x kirishima#bakugo x reader#bakugo katsuki#bakugo x y/n#bakugou smut#bakugo katuski x reader#bakugo katuski#bnha bakugou#mha#bakugo smut#momento
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idk if I'm gonna see the answer to this one, but I've been having a bit of a prolonged gender crisis lately.
I've identified as butch for a long time but something still didn't feel right. then I slowly came to terms with my evident gender dysphoria and began identifying as non-binary (on the androgynous side) since more or less 3-4 years. now I've began to see signs for me being actually on the masc side, and potentially a guy, and it just stresses me out a bit. my lesbianism is also really important to me and part of the reason I didn't step into boy territory but now I may no longer be attracted to girls (as in aspec) so like?! it's crazy out here.
I ask myself if I'd be happier as a guy, and it feels like the only way to find out is to try (that's how I found out I'm nb!), but I unfortunately no longer have the safe space to do so. I'm kind of just, idling, introspecting, and waiting for me to have a new safe space where I can explore this new possibility.
I feel like something that throws me off however is that I somehow landed in a part of the trans community that isn't necessarily anti gnc, but is like, "if you want to express in a more masculine way that means you're a guy and should transition" and I'm like ohhhhh shit. but then I go into the butch tag and it's like Ah. Wait. I'm already among my people. But it doesn't feel right to completely discard the idea of be being a guy either, y'know? I don't want to bury a potential part of myself. Besides, I'm starting to feel reeeeeaaaaally disconnected from womanhood and women in general, so like. :[]
TL;DR: not sure if I'm nb or a trans guy. my lesbianism plays into this mess. oh dear.
So, first of all, congrats on making those first steps into figuring things out. Its really, really hard, I get it.
If you dont mind me giving a little anecdote and advice-
Before I realized I was Not A Woman, I didn't have the same language of like... butch and everything? And the same community, but I identified as a lesbian, had come out and everything, but then when I realized I wasnt a woman went "oh god wait. But im a lesbian. Its what I identify as."
I'm not a lesbian. I'm an aroace nonbinary guy, but it kind of helped to realize that there's no set "rules" for gender. You can be nonbinary and a lesbian, you can be masc and not transition, you can be aspec and lesbian, hell.
You also don't have to know who you are right off the bat. If you realize this leads to something, cool! If you realize you're a cis woman and/or lesbian after all? Thats super valid! Reguardless of where you end up, its perfectly fine and healthy to explore, just make sure you're doing it in a place thats safe and comfortable for you!
Either way, kind of learning how to embrace all sides of you, rather than what you think it should be, can really help and may bring out things you don't expect. Like you said, no way to know until you try.
You don't have to "stay within the lines"- you can express yourself masculine as hell or go on the complete opposite spectrum. You can make accounts trying out new pronouns/names (a thing people will sometimes do on tumblr is a "pronoun dressing room" where you ask someone "hey, can you use x name with y pronouns" and see how it fits! - edit: found this website, if you're interested!), reach out to other trans men and women and nonbinary people alike, whatever helps! Honestly, I used to write self inserts where I was a guy or nonbinary, as well as draw it.
-
Also the whole "if you want to express in a more masculine way, then you should transition" bit-
That kills me a bit, tbh. I used to be in those spaces and... god, they can turn toxic sometimes. I mean, they're often well-intentioned, dont get me wrong, but two things: 1) gender expression and gender identity are two different things, 2) you're the only one who gets to figure out what those Feelings and that sense of gender means for you.
Getting into these communities is definitely intimidating, at first. Theres a part of it where you have to learn what you value and what you believe, and then figure out how to kind of filter out the bullshit from there. There's all sorts of people, and not everyone you're going to agree with, but thats okay!
If you can't find a community that supports you, I highly recommend making one of your own! Reach out through a post, or maybe even see if theres butches out there who are dysphoric and/or exploring some of the similar gender shit you are.
I honestly don't know what you've got going on personally, but the anonyminity Tumblr offers can be nice for this reason, if you've got struggles in real life.
-
Gender stuff is... a mess, tbh. It's hard shit to figure out, and for some it's a lifelong journey, others they kinda know it right away. Whatever that ends up for you, thats okay! It's part of being a human being- change and growth.
I hope you can find some peace with it, though! Especially the dysphoria, it's really hard shit to deal with sometimes.
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No matter how much you try to change from your foundations to be a better person, you're gonna run into biases you didn't know you ever had, and you're even gonna run into preconceived notions that you unintentionally got from trying to be a better person.
When this happens, it's ok. You're human, just like the rest of us. Here's what you do:
Recognize that it's a bias or a preconceived notion. The hardest part about this is our longing to be 'good' that forces us into denial and makes the problem worse. So don't do that. Recognize when there's a problem.
Examine it. Why is this bias here? What does it mean for you? What kind of conclusions does this notion help you to reach?
Ask yourself how you can apply little changes to change it. Just little stuff. Trying to turn around big ideas in a matter of a few days is really, really difficult, but trying to ignore it will leave it there forever.
Keep at it. You're gonna fall and stumble a bit, and that's okay. Just keep at it, and you'll do better.
Example under the cut because mine is kinda controversial (and I'm used to that)
So in trying to be a better person, I started resisting what I learned as a kid and leaned into the whole 'people love who they love' bit. Gay rights, trans rights, lesbian rights, you name it. So I spent a very long time trying to deprogram what I'd learned so I could be a better ally. A lot of people have this story.
Where this story starts is when I was reading a gay fanfic (which is honestly now one of my favs and I love it so much. Partially for the reason about to come).
So one of the characters has an ex boyfriend he calls 'spontaneous Kyle.' When I read it, I thought that that was a strange name for a girl, and it took me forever to realize that a gay man had had an unsatisfying relationship with another man. It wasn't even exaggerated abusive (which I'm used to as a narrative device from lots of angles), it was just an uncomfortable relationship that didn't work out. It also wasn't the only one of his previous relationships that didn't work out. There was a dude that was likened to a teddy bear, really sweet, but it just didn't work out because of life stuff.
Here's where my reprograming had gone wrong: I presumed that once gay men broke out of heteronormative trends, the first man they found would be infinitely better because no social restrictions and therefore be True Love. I had a bias, hidden from myself, that gay love is intrinsically better and therefore true and Couldn't Go Wrong barring excessive abuse.
That is where my efforts to become a better ally led me (because romance, though I really want it, isn't something that makes immediate sense to me, so I gotta think it through a lot).
So that was step 1. Recognizing that I had that preconceived notion. It took a whole fanfiction outside of my perspective to see, but now that I could, I was Flabbergasted, and I realized that that had to Change.
So, onto step 2. I had to figure out why I thought gay love was better and what led to that thinking. What I eventually figured out is that in the campaigning for rights, LGBTQ present their case as fiercely as possible, arguing to be natural to themselves against the forced heteronormativity of most society. It's a persuasion tactic, and it's honestly one I don't blame them for using, but as I was passively absorbing the media around it, it went too far in my mind.
So I had to look really hard at it and say 'what do they really want?' And the answer I, a heteroromantic demisexual, finally came to was that they just want the choice of it. They want to meet people, put their hearts on the line, get those hearts broken, and trial and error their way to true love in the same way straight people get to now. Big difference to what I initially thought, which was "get rid of the heteronormativity so we can all find our One True Love immediately," which is what I'd unintendedly absorbed through all of the LGBTQ media and campaigning.
Listen: this is about recognizing and changing biases and preconceived notions. I wouldn't be able to outline this process if I didn't go through it myself.
Step 3 is actually about how to change those biases. Since it'd be really intrusive--not to mention rude af--to ask actual LGBTQ people about their dating history and whether they'd found dissatisfying LGBTQ relationships in the past, I went back to the fanfiction. Whenever I read 'spontaneous Kyle,' I forced him to take shape in my mind. The other boyfriends, too. I forced them to take shape and be paired off with the character so I could force myself to visualize what I'd unintentionally ignored. Same for other fanfictions. If I saw a past partner, I'd force myself to stop and visualize what that had to be like to remind myself that love is love in the way that it is messy, confusing, and not always straightforward.
Step 4 is one I'm still on and will be on until the notion is fully dispelled. The fact that it still sometimes catches me by surprise reminds me that I need to keep working at it until it's just another fact of life.
So I feel like I'm at least aware of and changing that bias, and I know there are others lurking around in my brain just because of how I was raised and how I myself tried to overcome what I saw as shortcomings in my own raising. I'm going to get it wrong, and so are you. However, taking the moment to admit what's going wrong and taking steps to correct it helps you move forward as a person.
Anyways, this is for the people who are like me and usually terrified to admit that they've done wrong in trying to become a better person because they feel like they're about to be horribly punished for trying to do the right thing. Even if you made a mistake, you're allowed to try to do better.
it's safe to try and do better.
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[ID: A screenshot of an unanswered Tumblr ask from an anonymous sender. The content of the ask says, "Nimona wasn't good and all it has is gay men thats it." /End ID]
gosh alright i needed to discuss this but i put the whole thing under the cut bc it's long and a little vent-y and very train-of-thought bc im tired and covid-sick and this is the third time i've heard someone be mad about nimona being "bad gay rep" in the past 24 hours.
deleted the original ask / blocked anon bc i really don't have time to argue with terminally online gays who haven't, like, gone out and interacted with queer ppl irl, but i just need to know - when did it become stylish to hate on nimona?? this is maybe the fifth time i've seen someone act this way about the film since news dropped that it's coming out in 2023 and i need to know.
is this one of those things where it's suddenly cool to pretend that any lgbt media made before 2020 is "bad rep"? do we hate nimona bc ND Stevenson suddenly reminds people of pre-dashcon tumblr? is it bc she-ra ended and the owl house is suddenly "The Best Sapphic Rep Ever" at least in kid's shows? you realize you can uplift your favorite queer media without pushing other stuff down, right?
also i frequently see people saying that nimona is "bad rep" bc "it's just two gay dudes kissing in the background :/" and like. we are forgetting that the titular character, nimona, is an expression of ND Stevenson's own exploration of her gender? are we ignoring that he (ND) is a bigender/genderfluid lesbian and that nimona was a major step in them figuring himself out? bc for me personally (as a nonbinary lesbian myself) it was life changing to read nimona as a kid and see a character who didn't really give a fuck about which gender she presented as, because it was okay for her to just be nimona. and as a kid it was also nice to see two gay dudes in a complicated relationship, even if it was just secondary characters, because it was interesting and intriguing and portrayed as normal. not to mention the nonbinary scientist character who becomes significant in the second act - they were pretty damn cool too!
i feel like if people look at nimona and the only "lgbt rep" they see is "two gay dudes kissing in the background :/" that's kinda a red flag to me bc like. this is a story that is so inherently queer, by a bigender lesbian, and you're only able to see these two gay characters? you can't see the other identities so clearly represented, or, hell, you can't even see the beauty of the story about being scared that you're a monster and that the monster will overtake you but you also know that you need to let the monster out to protect those you love and AUGH. the story itself is beautiful and if you go to it ONLY looking for "lgbt rep" you're going to be disappointed bc it's a story first. it's a beautiful story and i feel like people expect so much from it when really it started out as a webcomic for ND's art school so he could practice her art daily, and they never expected it would get as big as it did, and to me, that makes nimona even cooler. nimona is so magical to me bc it's personal. and i think it's really cool that we're finally getting it in film form! and i don't understand why nimona getting a film is making so many people mad.
anyway. [points at the sign that says, "a queer person expressing their personal journey through art isn't always going to portray YOUR preferred version of the queer experience bc we're all unique people and someone figuring out their identity isn't always going to be a neat and tidy process"] ty and goodnight.
#im so fuckingg tired y'all.#why do people hate nimona so mcuh and why are they only talking about it now that the movie's finally coming out#this is the same pattern we've seen forever like TLOK was the best until SU and SU was the best until SPOP and SPOP was the best until TOH#vent#<- just in case#cricket.chatterbox#nimona movie#im so tired i'm SO TIRED
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this is very random but i was hoping maybe you could give some insight? i finally accepted that im lesbian but ive been calling myself bi for 5 years now and also realized that i used it to avoid women cause i was scared to admit that i found them attractive. now im admitting it and that i never really wanted anything to do with men but.....i have no idea how to romantically approach women loool like im so lost with it, i have no idea how queer culture or anything of the sort works cause ive avoided it as much as i could until now......how does this shit work, i feel like im reealizing things too late (even tho im only 22 ) and ive missed my chance to live a happy gay life ashfkfjkf even tho i know that sounds stupid. this sounds so dumb but i dont know how to be gay lmao
oh it's suuuuper normal don't even worry about it. it's why a lot of lgbt ppl feel like they have their coming of age moments much later. or they feel like they go through a second puberty of sorts where they rediscover sexuality and romance and love, through a lens they finally feel comfortable with, for the first time. also ur soooo young it's fine it's fine it's fine. you will be fine. i know it's frustrating and it feels kind of like stumbling through the dark TBH i'm kind of in the same boat so maybe everything i have to say on the matter is kind of stunted - but yeah it's honestly so natural. i think familiarizing yourself with queer culture and media is a good first step like movies, certain communities, tv shows, online spaces, books, music and artists etc etc. and also maybe learning a bit about lesbian history in ur country if it interests you! or not that's just an idea some ppl don't care LOL anyway. i recommend finding other lgbt ppl online too, it's really cathartic and fun and it's great to have friends who r on the same wave length as you like that, even just on the internet. THEN i guess the next step would be looking for gay/lgbt scene in ur area, if there is one, and maybe checking out a few gay bars or clubs with ur friends. or just look for any sort of communal activity that is popular w other lesbian and bi women specifically and kind of learn from there as you go through adjusting and observing. there's also sometimes these lgbt support groups to help ppl find each other/cope w hard situations that stem from being lgbt so maybe you could look into those? it sounds cheesy but there literally is no wrong way to be gay at all, it doesn't even have to be a whole thing if you don't want it to be. it's truly just an aspect of ur identity. and nobody knows how to flirt or talk to ppl at first, there's no script you need to follow with women just because theyre women or anything. they're not expecting you to know exactly what to do or say right off the bat, either. it's just about trying to genuinely connect w people when the opportunity presents itself, i reckon, and seeing where it goes from there. you could try lgbt/lesbian dating apps if u want, though they can be kind of intimidating - i always delete them every few months feeling like i have no idea how to talk to women, either. it is hard ngl like it's a weird world to navigate especially when you're new to it and it's normal to feel lost and a little strange about it so don't feel like ur some outlier who didn't get the memo! none of us did! we're all somewhat estranged from each other, even ppl who grew up out and proud. just the fact that you're finally in a place of self acceptance is a really good sign and there is no set trajectory for this sort of thing at all, where you have to measure yourself up against everyone elses time scale and journey and experiences. you're doing better than you think. baby steps into getting to know the lgbt culture and scene wherever you live is more than enough. no rush <3
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Art and Doodles
mr-gentlemann
Gentleman
s4m1-lamby123
"there's no need to feel down my dear"