#the amount of stuff she has done to keep me afloat this year not to mention getting my stupid ass the wembley this is the least i can do
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fellas hi i need a small favor
@ss-trashboat has done so much for me, so this is the least i can do. shes a bit short on rent and selling some old arts to make up the money, please see the twitter thread for available stuff here!
alternatively, please visit her ko-fi shop for stickers, prints and one-of-ones she has for sale, or to commission her! or just to donate if youre feeling generous
please reblog this, thank you 💜
#the amount of stuff she has done to keep me afloat this year not to mention getting my stupid ass the wembley this is the least i can do#please support my babe. thank you 💜#share this to wrestling fanart blogs i dont remember the tags that one popular blog follows asdfghjkl#just. spread this around. please. thank you. love you 💜
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Hello everyone so this is going to be a pretty big blog about the upcoming future of my life as a artist. So to try to shave off some time I will be copying and pasting the Twitter thread I made to here.
Startiiiing now:
“Hey everyone I got another update for you and it’s probably gonna sound like “she’s changing shit again” but I feel like a lot has been going on in my life and a lot of it is changing too and I think I discovered something about me and my artwork that I feel like is important.
The reason I started pumping out content before this new job I got was well after I lost my old caregiving job YouTube and commissions were my only source of income for the last 6 month and I honestly was making enough for bills at that point it was my family keeping me afloat.
So yeah, life was not kind to me and I got.. well extremely depressed. I kept applying and no one was accepted them the one job I wanted I did not get and I was lucky to just get by. My brain all the time for the past few months kept saying I was a failure Until I got lucky.
I just got done with shadowing and orientation and I’m now officially working at a job that yeah can be stressful but I fully enjoy. I’m feeling happy and I’m finally healing from this dark cloud that’s following me. And with this month coming to an end I realized something.
Growing up my art was the one thing that kept me happy it was my happiness from real life issues and it got me to meet the love of my life along with great people in online community’s. However, the more it became a stressor to live off my art… the less it made me happy.
Not to mention the reason I shared my art to begin with because even if it was cringe or my art was not the best in the past … I always loved to see people enjoy it. It killed me to ask people to give me money to draw for them. It’s just not me.
I allowed a online algorithm, and a few words from a small handful of people to make me second guess what I loved to do, I allowed money to make me decide what I should work on…I realized I secretly hated myself for it.
This new opportunity in my life is why I’m writing what I am today and it’s my own choices and it’s one I’m actually happy with.
Everything I draw will be free to view I’m going to build it up on Tapas and Tumblr just for the multiple image support plus they have better age restriction on there platforms because I’m a adult and do want to dabble in NSFW stuff.
The one animation I have on sale in my store I will be making it free to view. For the amazing person who did buy the pack I will be dming them so once my paycheck comes, they will be refunded.
And now for the big thing.
The next few months I will be saving my own money and working on Concept Art for the next few months along with working on comics because by next year I want to work and pay people to help me bring my comics to life as animated projects.
The first project will more then likely be Jackie’s Everyday Adventure because it has the least amount of characters and backgrounds and will dabble in the form of 3D animation. This will be a strictly animated series with some rewrites from the original comic version.
Homebrew… is honestly the biggest project since there is over 30 chapters and I’m not even halfway done writing scripts. I won’t Even considering working on animating that until at least chapter 10 is out.
Everything else will be explained over on Tumblr that will be where I blog about my projects since there’s not as tiny of a character limit on there. Thank you all for reading this and I will link the full update on Tumblr and I will share a link to it on here.”
And now here we are on Tumblr!
The only thing I will be keeping for any financial support will be Ko-fi but that’s only if people want to, I’m not going to have anything locked behind a pay wall.
Commissions will no longer be open because I will just be doing art trades or request. Since my new job is full time I don’t need to worry about the stress of not finishing something quickly.
Physical print books are still gonna be a thing however not for a long while. Since my old client liked my original books ill be printing a small handful of copies of them so I can give them to her to read at the nursing home. And leftover copies will be for contest prizes.
YouTube on the other hand… I’m going to be honest I’m not sure if I truly will bring back Pshattuckproductions. The most fun I have had with YouTube was building up lunar comics. I will honestly be focusing on that channel in terms of any uploads.
So far this is all for now. So see you soon everyone.
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This is a fictional story. None of it is true. Pics submitted by a fan of my works. Names were submitted by fan as well. Theme was proposed by user too! Pure coincidence if it’s real.
This is the story of how Sandra goes all in on her business and will stop at nothing to see it succeed.
Sandra, an aspiring restauranteur, has finally saved up enough money to open her own restaurant. The journey to being able to realize her dream was not an easy one especially with the COVID pandemic going on. Sandra together with her boyfriend of 6 years managed to work and save up a total of $100,000 in the span of 5 years and managed to secure a loan of $100,000 from friends and family members.
They both planned for months before deciding on the location and menu and when they finally launched, they were both over the moon. Everything they calculated and planned for was spot on. They even managed to get discounts off certain stuff like renovations.
Business was booming for the first few months and they were on track to being able to pay off their loan for, friends and family members but disaster struck.
One fateful day, a fire broke out at their shop location. Thankfully they managed to claim most of it back through insurance but repairs were going to take 4 months at the least. This would severely hinder their ability to pay everyone back. In a desperate attempt to ensure the repairs could be done faster, she took another loan to hire another company to shorten the duration of repair works by more than half.
However, even then, all the running costs of the business when they’re out of commission is causing a lot of financial damage to Sandra, but she was determined to see it through. She went to the bank to take a loan but was rejected. As a final desperate attempt, she loaned money from a less than reputable money lending service.
Not wanting to tell her boyfriend, Sandra tried her best to promote her business and keep it afloat just to pay off the loans because the interest rate was just too high. Eventually, she could not meet the payment and her creditors came knocking on her door.
“Ms Sandra, you’ve been unable to pay us off for the past 2 months. I’ve been more than kind to stop charging interest because you’re a sweet looking girl and you’ve been on time with your payments. However, this is unacceptable. I’m gonna need you to put something up for collateral. Perhaps your watches? Or maybe some jewelry. That works fine as well.” James said to her.
“Sorry James, I appreciate all that you’ve done for me and I understand I’m putting you in a tight spot.” Sandra said apologetically.
“You understand that I don’t want to do this right? My boss, Matthew is the one that’s calling the shots. If I could, I would close one eye and let you pay us back. But 2 months is a long time. How much can you cough up?” James asked.
“Right now, I can only come up with $2,000 but my jewelry and watches are gifts from my boyfriend’s family. I cannot put them up for collateral because he doesn’t know I borrowed money from you guys.” Sandra said.
“Well, we’ll need to come to another arrangement if you can’t pay back two months of loans. What are you willing to do?” James asked.
“I don’t know, please give me more time. I promise I’ll pay you next month. It’s been a bad month for business with the restrictions. Please hold out for me?” Sandra asked, puppy eyeing James.
“Well, that can be done. But I want you to get on your knees and suck me off.” James said, smirking.
“Whaaaaat. No I won’t. I have a boyfriend.” Sandra said, horrified.
“Well, if you don’t do it, I’m going to have to start charging interest and that will amount to $1,000 more and we’ll draft out a lawyer’s letter to seize assets.” James said firmly, knowing that Sandra will cave in.
“Please, don’t do this to me” Sandra pleaded.
“You help me, I’ll help you. I’ll even send some customers to your restaurant to help boost business.” James replied.
Realizing that she has no choice, she knelt down and unzipped his pants. Out popped his modest sized dick and she began working her magic. She started slow, licking it and stoking it.
“You really know how to work that tongue. Your bf must be a lucky man.” James said as he moaned in pleasure.
Looking up at James, she said as she began sucking more viciously, knowing that James is enjoying it, “Will you help me write off 1 month’s worth of payment if I suck your dick every day for the next week?”
“Tempting offer. Best I can do is reduce your loan amount by 3 weeks.” James said.
“How about I let you take a video of me? For your own viewing pleasure. But you reduce my loan by 6 weeks.” Sandra counter proposed.
“Let’s see. Suck me off for a week first and I’ll reduce it by 3 weeks as promised then we’ll decide.” James said.
“Good enough for me.” Sandra said as she continued sucking James off like her life depended on it. As James was about to reach his climax, Sandra knelt down and showed off her small perky tits to allow James to cum on it.
Within seconds, James jerked himself off to finish on Sandra. “Ugh, that was good. You are good at this. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll text you when I’m nearby.” James said.
“That is a huge load, omg. Please don’t ruin my face or attire tomorrow. I don’t want anyone finding out.” Sandra said.
“Of course, your secret is mine to keep.” James said with a wink.
Part 2 coming up!
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McSpirk Family Headcanons
So I was looking randomly through Picrew, when suddenly I came up with a bunch of McSpirk family headcanons (hence the title of this post)!
Anyway, first we have:
Joanna Kirk-McCoy
(Made with this Picrew)
Taking after Jim, Joanna tends to get into trouble sometimes.
Her reasons are mostly 1) Protecting someone from bullies; 2) Pulling pranks on crewmembers and her dads.
Often times Jim will laugh with her (“Stop encouraging her,” Bones and Spock would say).
Even on some occasions (most of the time) her dads would be the pranksters with her being the one to get pranked on.
Joanna’s really smart and the top of her class. Of course, she gets it from Spock.
She wanted bangs like Spock, so he cut her hair at request. (Jim at one point tried to, but you could say it went a little south.)
Like Leonard, she is loyal, compassionate and hard-working.
She is very artistic and expresses herself a lot through her paintings.
Her mom, Jocelyn, couldn’t provide for the both of them as she was dealing with being a single mother. So, she let Leonard take full custody.
Joanna likes her mom’s new boyfriend, Clay. She thinks that he’s good for Jocelyn, considering the amount of help he’s done to help her stay afloat.
Joanna enjoys walks around the Enterprise, and loves having conversations with the other officers.
With her dads help, Joanna has come to love and enjoy making food with them, learning new tips and advice along the way.
Joanna always knows when someone’s having a bad day (especially when it comes to her dads).
She’s always there for them, and does everything she can to cheer them up.
Leonard “Bones” Kirk-McCoy
(Made with this Picrew)
Leonard and Jocelyn steadily become good friends, even before he took full custody of his daughter.
Joanna calls her fathers different names. For Leonard, she calls him “daddy.”
Leonard is a very tired man and always wakes up bed-headed. (Spock and Jim definitely find it sexy.)
He and his husbands are always borrowing clothes from each other.
Jim tends to hide some of Leonard’s shirts for work, so sometimes he’s either wearing shirts that are too small or too bunchy.
They’ve talked about it before, so now it only happens at least once a week.
Leonard is more of the mom in the relationship, what with always having to keep an eye on his family (especially Jim and Joanna... but mostly Jim because he gets in the most trouble).
Frequently, Jim and Spock would have one of their friends babysit Joanna while they took Leonard to dinner; to have time off from stress and work.
Leonard’s grateful for the date nights and late nights in bed.
Every year, when it’s the anniversary of his father’s death, Leonard would get into a mood where he sort of distances himself from everyone else.
Jim and Spock try to be there for him. So when the day’s over and he comes back to their quarters, Spock would assist the slurring doctor to their bed.
In the morning, Jim would set out a water and pain reliever before going ahead and calling Medbay, informing them that he’d be coming to work late.
After Leonard woke up, Joanna would be there to softly greet him and make sure he took the water and pain reliever and eat something to eat before heading out.
Leonard doesn’t know what he’d do without his family and friends.
Even though they have replicators, Leonard likes to make dinner most nights for the family (or when he’s not working overtime in Medbay).
Leonard’s favorite dish to make most of all is his mother’s chicken and dumplings recipe.
Spock S’chn T’gai Kirk-McCoy
(Made with this Picrew)
Joanna calls Spock “sa-mekh.”
During the cold season, Eleanora McCoy (Leonard’s mom) crotchets sweaters for the Kirk-McCoy family (though she would crotchet Spock at least three). Spock is very grateful.
Spock has a nice relationship with Winona Kirk, as she has been on Vulcan before.
They talk about a lot of things: about Vulcan’s beauty, it’s flora and fauna, and great cuisines.
Winona told him that she knew his father and mother, giving Spock her condolences for his loss. Even if it might’ve happened years before, Spock was grateful.
He’s learned to embrace his human side, balancing both logic and emotion.
The first time Spock let out a genuine laugh was when Joanna braided both Jim and Leonard’s hair in the middle of the night, adding a few stickers to their faces.
Soon enough they were all laughing.
Spock is more into vintage fashion of 20th century Earth.
On some occasions he would grow his hair a little longer.
He likes hot summer days during shore leave, always wanting to spend those days with his family at a beach someplace.
Also during shore leaves, Spock enjoys the times he goes with Joanna and (on some occasions) Nyota to the mall.
Joanna is always eager for Spock’s opinions on the outfits she tries on, because he allows her to get it if it’s appropriate enough.
Like Leonard, Spock likes to cook for the family when he has the time.
Most of the time he takes care of breakfast—he makes potato latkes.
Joanna even said a few times: “I love latkes so much that I can eat them for the rest of my life.” This always brings a smile to Spock’s face.
Jim Tiberius Kirk-McCoy
(Made with this Picrew)
Joanna calls Jim “Papa Jim.”
At first she started calling him dad, but he interjected by saying, “What? Why not a cool name like Spock’s?” Joanna giggled.
She started listing off ideas to Jim when she came across the idea “Papa Jim.” It had a nice ring to it, so they shook on it.
Jim can sometimes spoil Joanna, giving her a lot of little trinkets from the planets they travel to.
Sometimes Jim commences activities for the crew to do, like celebration parties, as a way to make everyone happy.
He still gets nightmares about Tarsus IV, but Spock and Leonard are always there with him in bed.
Spock would spoon him, softly whispering in his ear while Leonard got up to bring him a glass of water. Soon enough Jim falls back asleep into a dreamless sleep.
Joanna knows Jim’s had a nightmare, even if she sleeps through his pained whimpers. So, she walks over and plants a kiss on the top of his head.
Most mornings (especially after a nightmare), Jim would get up earlier than usual to meditate with Spock. This allows him to regain a calm state of mind.
When Spock or Sulu have the conn, Jim sometimes let’s Joanna sit in the Captain’s chair when he’s either off to Medbay for a checkup, or beamed down to a planet.
Most of the time it’s Leonard who cooks, but Jim can make a mean doughnut (he’s better at baking rather than cooking).
When movie night comes around, Jim is always active about what film they should watch.
A lot of the stuff he picks are films from the 19th-20th century, whether it’s black and white or in color.
Some movies the others get tired of watching because some of Jim’s picks they consider “boring.”
I still have more headcanons yet to come, but until then, I hope you enjoyed reading this post! If you have some headcanons of your own and wish for me to add in a next list, go ahead and send them my way!
I plan to do more for this McSpirk family concept, and I’m honestly hyped just thinking about it! But for now, have these! :)
#star trek#spock#leonard mccoy#jim kirk#joanna mccoy#aos#star trek alternate original series#mcspirk#mckirk#spones#spirk#McSpirk family#my headcanons#mcspirk is endgame#long post#picrew#lots of fluff#some angst#fluff#angst
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Okay, spoilers beneath the cut because I have some issues with Rise of the Titans.
Tales of Arcadia is one of my favorite series ever. It handled the "Kid is the chosen one" situation brilliantly, every character had depth (even characters like Steve, Eli, the teachers, etc). Theme was expertly handled with each part of the series. Destiny, heroism and sacrifice for Trollhunters; Family, duty and home for 3-Below; Legacy, prejudice and family (again) for Wizards. Every season brought me to tears, made me laugh, made me fear for the safety of the characters and want good things for them after watching them sacrifice over and over again. It is a comfort show for me and always will be.
Now, the movie...
So, I don't think it was bad. I also don't think it was good, unfortunately. The animation took a bit of getting used to after bingeing everything else leading up to this, but I can't deny it was incredibly beautiful. It was especially nice to see places other than Arcadia and Akiridion-5. It started off strong with the train fight, and admittedly there were a lot of scenes I quite liked during the movie. But, just the scenes. I liked moments, but overall it didn't come together quite as well as the shows did.
The biggest factor is likely time. I doubt making this a movie was the initial plan since I know production companies enjoy snubbing out strong series for various reasons. Honestly, I was surprised we got an "ending" at all based on the trends of recent shows being forced to wrap things up prematurely. Even Wizards felt rushed compared to the others and as a result a lot of interesting concepts were brushed over quickly. I mean, I for one would've loved to see more Camelot "filler" shenanigans since those less plot-heavy episodes that we had throughout Trollhunters and 3-Below helped us explore the characters and grow to love them, and we didn't get quite as much of that with Douxie, Archie, Lancelot, Charlemagne, etc. But I digress, this post is supposed to be about the movie, not Wizards.
So yeah, I think Rise of the Titans should've been a show rather than a movie. We could have more time before Nari is captured, focusing on the "where are they now" of all the characters after the year we skipped. Jim gets to cook and eat human food after losing that passion when becoming a troll, adjusting to being human again! Maybe him and Toby talk about Barbara and Stickler being together and how it's kinda weird (Toby could compare it to having conflicting feelings over his Nana dating an alien). Krel and Aja have a call about how it is being the Queen and Steve interrupts because he misses Aja. Perhaps we hear Eli in the background doing something related to the "Secret weapon" and the call gets cut off quickly because this leads to a small disaster on Aja's end that she needs to go fix. Claire is practicing her magic with the help of Zoe while Douxie is off with Nari. NARI AND DOUXIE INTERACT WITH EACHOTHER AND WE ACTUALLY GET TO SEE IT! (Like, I know that they were travelling together for a year and that that is why Douxie is sad when Nari dies, but it didn't impact at all outside of empathy because there was no emotional investment on my end towards their friendship). But yeah, we get to see what's going on with everyone, and then perhaps this first episode ends with the reveal of them being ready for a plan of sorts (luring the arcane order and cutting off their magic. That wouldn't be revealed though). Cut to the Arcane Order in their super secret clubhouse saying they're close to finding Nari and you get a decent cliffhanger.
Episode 2 would start with the train fight and go fairly the same way. We see Jim struggling with fighting with no armor. Or perhaps he has akiridion armor, but it's too rigid or keeps malfunctioning (doesn't fit, so to speak). Only difference is that Jim's arc wouldn't be about whether or not he's still the trollhunter, because we've been through that already and he knows. I could get having moments of doubt, but his full on denial was kinda out of place after everything he went through. Instead, it could be that he feels useless due to now being a burden in a fight. Or perhaps instead he's wrestling with guilt. He's blaming himself since the arcane order got the seals due to them trying to rescue him. Maybe both? Maybe he even misses his troll body and feels that he's too weak now. Yes, he's still the trollhunter, amulet or not, but he's feeling less and less capable of answering this particular call, and that bothers him. He doesn't want to be a burden after all. Fight ends with the train crash, arrest, Douxie swapping with Nari, all the same.
Now, this is where things would go very very differently. Have more time before Douxie and Nari switch back. Let the Arcane order monologue a little more. They want to reset the world because the balance has been shifted? Cool! Tell me more! Did they used to try to get along with the humans? Did they try diplomacy in the past only to fail due to the stubborn humans, and that's why they've decided to take drastic measures? Or if not, explore why they believe they're the ones allowed to decide the balance is off. Is it because they're powerful? Or how long they've been on Earth? Did they reset it in the past and thus know through experience? I don't mind not knowing, since not everything needs to be spelled out for the audience, but there was potential to make them characters rather than obstacles, and it wasn't really utilized to its full potential. Allow Douxie to pick their brains a little instead of immediately swapping him and Nari back and only succeeding in delaying things a few more hours. Hell, if it was a TV show I honestly would've had one or two episodes before doing that while we address how that initial failure (and the fact that magical creatures/aliens were revealed to the world) affected everyone.
Maybe I'll go through and like, actually plot out episodes and stuff, but since I only just finished watching, here's just some various things I'd change:
-Get rid of that whole Steve pregnancy. That was just out of place and rather than the "comedy" breaking the tension, it shattered it completely and distracted from everything. If you wanna explore his father-based character arc, maybe have him and Aja discussing the fact that now that she's queen, she'll need heirs. And maybe Steve isn't sure he could be a good dad due to his history with paternal figures. You could even have it that he's taking care of Nari while her and Douxie are switched, and that leads to a situation where he helps her out and realizes he may be a better dad than expected. Or perhaps Blinky gives him paternal advice. Or Strickler. Or even BARBARA AND JIM like, Steve couldn't be worse than Jim's dad, and letting Steve and Jim bond over that would be nice. There was so much potential, but instead, Steve was reduced to an out of place running gag instead of getting a resolution to his character arc. And hey, if you wanna keep the whole male akiridions give birth thing that's cool, but it's gotta be done in moments where it won't distract. Or, you could even have it be that it means Aja and Steve need to adopt because uh... she's inorganic and he's organic? His body likely isn't actually built for akiridion childbirth despite the movie glossing over this fact? And maybe Steve has mixed feelings about someone else being the dad of his kids, but Coach and him talk about how Coach isn't his biological dad, but that doesn't mean he loves Steve any less.
-GIVE DOUXIE MORE SCREEN TIME! Seriously, had this been a show he would have the most potential for character growth out of everyone. His series was the shortest, so really all he got was a confidence boost and moving past needing Merlin's approval. But there was so much to explore with him still. What was up with that extreme burst of magic after Merlin's death that was never brought up again? How has he been mentally handling singlehandedly guarding Nari against the Arcane order for a year? Once he and Nari switch back, does he feel guilt over not being able to protect her? "Merlin wouldn't have failed like that. He kept her safe for thousands of years, I lasted a little over one". Perhaps, in his constant desire to prove himself to the people he cares about, he takes risky moves to try and save Nari again and make up for his mistakes, similar to how Jim was acting in the movie. Eventually, when he and Nari meet up again when trying to break her controlled state, Douxie is apologizing and talking about how he wants to make things right. He sees Nari as a friend; as family, just as much as Archie, and he doesn't want to lose her like he lost Merlin. He doesn't want to lose anyone else (which would make Archie getting stuck in the other Trollmarket, and Nari's sacrifice even more painful later on if that still happened).
-Krel, Eli and Stewart also needed more time. I get it was a movie, so time was short, but still. Krel's entire thing is that he grew to see Earth as his true home, and we didn't get to address the fact that he was immediately at risk of losing it at all. Not to mention the sheer amount of stuff he'd built for everyone. Like, could you imagine an episode where, to break up the tension (in a proper way, not a weird pregnancy way), in the midst of everyone trying to figure out how to stop the titans, Krel has overworked himself fixing and managing everyone's tech. He has to spend a day resting and disasters ensue as no one knows how to fix any of the stuff he usually manages. Like the tech keeping Camelot afloat, for example. Stewart and Eli could be the ones that end up stepping up to fill the Krel sized gap for the day.
-And I know that these fillers would lower the tension a bit, but like, having the titans need to charge up after awakening (like, absorbing elemental energy or something), or perhaps making the Arcane Order have to collect certain things to break the seals in the first place that they had on their fortress but lost when that was destroyed , or any other kinda obstacle to give time between the train fight and the Titans waking up would give time for less plot-heavy, more character focused episodes. And even after the titans wake up, they were moving super slowly and walking across the planet. It's not like they'd be short on time despite the movie making it seem like walking from china to america was a short jog at most.
-Don't give Toby the amulet. Don't get me wrong, I love Toby very much and literally bawled out loud at his sacrifice scene. But like, it made no sense to give him the amulet? Jim doing everything again with years of Trollhunter experience would help solve a lot of problems from his first go around (and I'm not fully on board with the whole time reset in the first place. Resetting to the start of the movie, or even just the fight with Bellroc would be better). Jim knows the burdens of being a trollhunter first hand, and you really think he'd be okay dumping all that on Tobes? Toby, the guy completely content with being the wingman and helping the people he cares about. Toby, the guy who never worried about not having a grand destiny up until the movie. The guy who in his biggest dreams was a Duke, not a king. I think Toby was well aware of how important moral support is and wouldn't see it as a lame superpower. But even if he did, in a tv show they could explore that in a way where he comes to learn just how much that moral support does for his friends. And if you still want his moment of glorious sacrifice (because I count that as one of the well done moments), then do that! But rather than going back in time to save everyone, make it so they sacrifice the stone to turn back time a bit. Risk their victory to try saving Toby. Have them fight Bellroc together instead of it being just Jim, because it's trollhunters, not trollhunter. It always has been, always will.
-And if you're like "But if they don't go back then Strickler and Nomura stay dead!" Then how about they don't kill them for shock factor in the first place? Have Strickler badly injured instead, because by god Barbara deserves some happiness. And think of the potential scene of her treating his wounds, and the two of them think about how things have changed since that visit to trollmarket when they were both hurt. About how Strickler stuck around, and when Barbara thought she'd lost him it scared her. How she's sick of almost losing everyone she cares about. She could talk a bit about Jim's dad then too, and it could be revealed that Jim was outside because he was going to check on them, but stopped when he realized they were talking. And then later on, he asks about his dad, admitting he overheard, and we get that conversation they had in the movie. And if you keep the Nomura sacrifice, give her more of a moment ffs. Like, she deserved better! Have the death be a sacrifice to save someone else instead of just "oops I got caught and I'm in the sun now". Make it deliberate. Make it her decision after a life of serving others. Finally, she got to be the one in control of her fate, and she chose to protect the people she cared about.
There's so much more I could say about this and the potential that was killed by the lack of time, but this is getting long and I should probably try actually doing the work I need to do today.
Edit (Because this just popped in my head and I need to add it).
THEY WERE LITERALLY AROUND THE ROUND TABLE! THE NINTH CONFIGURATION (which like, screw that there are more than 9 heroes here to save the day) WERE THE NEW KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE. They were there to protect the world, and like... did the bond between Lancelot and Steve just not exist anymore? Did that get timeline erased too? Could you imagine Steve fighting to protect the world, doing his best to protect the people he cared about so that he never loses someone like he lost Lance again? He gets to keep his promise to carry on the legacy of the Knights even after they died. THE POTENTIAL WAS THERE!!! THE SET UP WAS THERE!!! BUT NO! WE GET MPREG STEVE INSTEAD!!
#tales of arcadia#trollhunters#3-below#wizards#toa#toa trollhunters#toa 3below#toa wizards#rise of the titans#toa rise of the titans#rise of the titans spoilers
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Chasing Waterfalls
(this gif has my heart (LOOK AT THAT SMILE), creds to the creator)
JJ x Reader
Description: Emotions flow like the water in the waterfall.
Prompts: “I wish I had a boyfriend.”
“so what do you look for in a guy?” “real stuff, like the shape of his ass”
“So, I found this waterfall…”
Word Count: 1.9k (I’m slacking sry)
“BYE MOM I’LL BE HOME TOMORROW!” You scream as you run from the house.
John B’s was pretty close, and you were about to make today unforgettable. The crew had been down in the dumps thinking that there wasn’t anything new for them to do, it was just the same old same old, but you found something at work yesterday.
You work at the country club with JJ, you both applied together a few summers ago when it was becoming apparent that you needed money to go on all the adventures.
While bussing a table yesterday, the girls behind you were talking about this amazing hike that led to a waterfall that had water deep enough that you could jump off into it. You read the name from their tab and searched for her instagram, sure enough she was public and posted the pictures from the hike with a location tag.
Saving the location you texted the Pogues to meet at John B’s tomorrow with food, proper shoes and a bathing suit. You didn’t want to give too much away but they needed to be at least a little prepared for what you had planned.
Racing onto the property you see that you are the last one to arrive, the rest all sitting on the porch trying to figure out what you have planned.
“Are you all ready to have the best day of your life?” You questioned as you jumped onto the porch with them.
“C’mon (Y/n), just spill, what do you have planned?” Kie asks, excitement evident in her voice.
“So, I found this waterfall, well I actually heard about it at work yesterday, but then I found the location and we’re gonna spend the day there!” You explain, watching the smiles grow on everyone’s faces.
“It’s about an hour and a half drive, but I think it’ll be so worth it!” You finish, slightly jumping up and down.
Everyone smiled and nodded and started packing everything that would be needed for the trip.
“(Y/n),” JJ squeezed you into a tight hug and spun you in a circle, “you have saved us all from extreme boredom, so, you’ve been moved up in the rankings and have become my favorite person, John B you’re now in second.”
“HEY! I thought I was forever at first?!” John B yelled from the van.
“Well I haven’t heard you offering any fun ideas, but you do house me and drive me places, just be happy you're still towards the top.” JJ remarked and grabbed the last load of things to bring to the van, throwing a wink your way.
You met JJ and the rest of the group when you moved here a few years back, your mom ran a convenience store that kept you afloat for the most part, getting a job at the county club helped you guys have a little extra cash after the bills were paid.
You clicked with the group better than anyone thought possible, together you all formed a family and there was nothing that could wedge between you all.
—-
The drive was full of awful karaoke and dances between all of you. The energy was unmatchable, everyone just letting go of the stresses of home.
Quicker than expected you all arrived and gathered the necessary belongings into backpacks before setting off on the small hike to where the waterfall was waiting.
It was a hot day and this seemed to be a popular spot to come so there were quite a few other people when you came over the final hill and laid eyes on the waterfall.
It was beautiful, the water fell perfectly and the water was a crystal blue, speckled with a few other people enjoying the cool water.
The group set up towels and the rest of the stuff in a sunny spot before heading for the ledge that people were jumping off. Kie wasted no time in running to the ledge and jumping off, letting out a yell of pure joy as her feet left the ground, she resurfaces with the biggest smile on her face, calling for the rest of you to follow.
John B, Sarah, and Pope followed, but you hesitated due to the nerves that came out of nowhere, JJ picked up on this.
“M’lady,” JJ held out a hand, offering a little extra confidence with it, that you took before both running to the end and jumping off, not letting go of him until you had to in order to swim back to the surface.
Everyone was swimming and throwing water on eachother, occasionally getting out to jump back in again moments later.
After a good amount of time it was decided to get out and take a little snack and rest break, so the group moved to the towels and relaxed in the warm sun.
Looking out to the water again you watch as a couple clung to each other as they floated around the water, just based on the way they looked at each other you could tell they were in love. Without thinking you opened your mouth.
“Ugh, I wish I had a boyfriend,” eyes slightly widening when it came out of your mouth, but you shrugged it off, everyone wished that… right?
“You know, (y/n), I don’t think I’ve ever even known you to date, have you?” Sarah moved her head up to look at you, as well as the rest of the group now.
“Nope, it’s hard to find someone who can handle me,” you smirked.
It was true, you hadn’t really dated before, sure you had crushes and had been in that weird talking stage before, but nothing ever became official.
You were a very strong willed girl, you knew what you wanted and how you wanted to be treated, and some people just seemed to be turned off or scared of that.
You also currently had a crush so deep that it didn’t really let you see anyone else as an option. As soon as you met JJ it was hard to ignore the butterflies that came every time he brushed your shoulder or smiled so big that it reached his eyes, just the small things.
“What do you even look for in a guy?” Kie propped her head up on her hands.
“Oh you know, real stuff, like the shape of his ass.” You smirked again and looked back at the group to see them all rolling their eyes and scoffing.
“Okay but really, what would it take to sweep you off your feet?” This time John B pushed.
Realizing you weren’t gonna be able to joke your way out of this you shrugged your shoulders.
“I mean, I don’t know. I want someone strong willed like myself, someone who really cares, would be willing to drop anything in order to help someone,” sighing you continue, “he needs to be a good listener, willing to pay attention to the little things. He needs to be able to make me laugh, that’s a big one. Oh! And someone who is giving, not like buying me things, I don’t need that, but someone who is willing to give me their time and is willing to work on things together.” You nodded your head and looked at them all, just staring back at you.
“You want someone the opposite of what your dad was.” JJ locked eyes with you and you felt your smile falter a bit.
“Yeah... yeah I guess.”
Your dad was awful to your mother, always told her that he could have done better, just rude and uncaring. When you were 12 your mother caught him cheating. She packed the two of you up and you left, she didn’t have a destination in mind, just drove until she ran out of land, literally. The two of you happened to stop at a gas station by the ferry and saw a listing for the small house that you two lived in now. She paid for a hotel for the week, got things in order to buy it, and set divorce papers to your father all in that week.
After that you two had started thriving in this new house, just you and her. Of course the divorce got messy, but he gave up custody of you without a fight, so after a year the divorce was final and you and your mother never spoke of him again.
“I learned from my mother what it means to be a strong woman, she taught me what it means to love someone, how to find the attributes of that love in someone else. She also taught me about where she went wrong, I know what traits can quickly turn toxic so when I see that in someone I keep my distance.” You are looking at the ground trying to hold back the tears.
Feeling an awkward silence you stood and plastered a fake smile on.
“I don’t know about y’all but I’ve had enough rest, I’m gonna go jump in again.” Nodding you turned and quickly walked to the other side of the water where the ledge was, where you were slightly hidden from the others.
Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes and just tried to forget about the memories that we’re trying to break through, this was supposed to be a fun day, so dammit you were gonna be happy.
“Hey, (y/n), are you okay?”
Your eyes shoot open to see JJ staring back into your own.
“Uh,” you plastered the smile back on, “yeah, yeah I’m fine!”
“Bullshit,” JJ pushes your hair behind your ear and then takes you into his arms, holding you in a tight embrace, “I’m sorry I brought up your dad, I know it’s a touchy subject, I wasn’t thinking, trust me of all people in our group I understand not wanting to talking about your dad, but you know I’m here for you no matter what.”
He felt a sob shake your body in his arms and held you closer, rubbing small circles on your back, then pulling away from you to wipe your tears.
“(Y/n), I’ll give you my time, my attention, shit, I’d give my life for you,” JJ looked down at his feet then met your eyes with his own, “I hate to see you in pain, let me make you happy, okay?” He smiled at you and you felt a smile grow in your own face, nodding as he wiped the rest of your tears from your cheeks.
He pressed a short kiss to your forehead and grabbed your hand as you two walked towards the original destination.
“You know, as far as the qualities you look for in a guy, I do have to say, I DO have the best ass around,” he looked at you, causing a short giggle.
“Eh I dunno, could use some work.” You tried to hide your smile as you passed him, your hand reaching out slapping his butt as you sprinted for the ledge, hoping he wouldn’t be able to catch you.
He caught up to you at the very end, grabbing your waist before you both launched off the cliff.
After landing in the water he kept his hold on you, you both just floated together, you head resting back on his shoulder.
Maybe he would be the first boy that passed your test, the one to finally break down your walls.
Only time would tell.
#jj maybank#jj maybank imagine#jj imagine#jj maybank x reader#jj x reader#jj obx#obx jj#obx imagine#obx#obx fanfiction#obxstuff#outer banks#outer banks imagine#imagine#fanfic
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My Sorting Hat Chats Journey
So, hi! I'm back!
I've been doing fun stuff off in the real world, but I decided to talk a little bit about my own Sorting Hat Chats sorting journey, and how it says a lot about self-acceptance, and how understanding who you really are can sometimes only come from being an active participant in life. Here we goooo...
The Beginning
So, my initial sorting was a Burnt Badger/Bird. This had struck me, because I'd never considered myself a Badger in ANY media. I was seen by my friends as a borderline loner, someone who didn't need anyone else. And yet, all the signs were there.
Looking back on my life, I've always migrated in groups, always looked for a nesting ground, and truly that's all I want. A place to nest, a place to rest, where I can feel safe and surrounded by people who love me. But, after a childhood filled with bullying, I found myself embarrassed of my bold face need for friends, and, for some reason, decided getting too close to people for too long was unwise, so I could probably never have a permanent home. And yet, I always found myself in these little "groups," little packs of people that all travel together.
I've always had these friend groups, where everyone knows each other, we all hang out together, and yet it always manages to eventually fall apart. I asked one of my friends how this keeps happening, and who keeps setting up these groups. She blinked sort of vaguely and said, "uh, you do." It was such a strange realization to look back and see myself as the "shepherd" I was, always creating a flock wherever I went. I had always been the spoke of my friend wheels, the only one that was friends with everyone, or actively tried to be friends with everyone. And I would attempt to hold it together, but it would always ultimately shatter, and I'd leave to find and form another. Family is important to me, and it isn't enough for me to bond with one person. I like for all my friends to be friends with each other, for us all to hang out together and enjoy each other's company.
So, although I still struggle, Burnt Badger came out on top, and I believe is still at the top to this day. I still search for belonging. I still search for family. And, yet, my heart seems to have no intention of unburning. Until recently, I had no idea why.
On the other hand, the secondary I received, Bird, seemed to fit like a glove, and was very obvious to me. I've been called the Encyclopedia before, I was made fun of for being caught reading the dictionary like it was a book, and I always seem to have a "fun fact" for every occasion. And all of this seemed to flow directly into me trying to use these facts and this knowledge to win people over, to get to see me as someone that could be their friend, or that I could be reliable as a member of their "group." So, Burnt Badger/Bird simply made sense. The reasons for me avoiding unburning my primary were irrelevant.
The Now
I'd been gone from this side of Tumblr for a bit, and decided to return on a whim. Saw @wisteria-lodge still posting as much as ever, and saw a lot of my posts had been passed around in the meantime (thank ya by the way) and decided to dive back in, because since then, so much of my life has changed. I've had certain people out of my life for a while that were a hindrance on my self-acceptance, I've moved out of my childhood home, and left a job I've had for the past 5 years. I've been forced to constantly LIVE, to make choices, actual choices, and have been offered the chance to be who I truly am, unapologetically.
So, I took the quiz again, curious if I would come up any different.
I got Burnt Badger/Burnt Snake.
This time, I was almost insulted. A flush of memories, of past feelings came to me, most of all the need to push back, to insist in exasperation I'M NOT A LIAR, as though I was tired of defending myself. As hard as I tried, I somehow couldn't seem to get Bird secondary to reappear.... at all. Which was so crazy, because before, that was pretty much all I could get.
So, I went to the experts, the aforementioned wisteria-lodge and @sortinghatchats .
I looked through the Snake secondary tags and found myself lost in memories I had pushed down, so far down even I couldn't find them, wracked with shame and a need to hide this side of myself, something I'd hidden so well I'd pretty much convinced myself it had never existed.
Being a Bird had always been a choice for me. I decided that was what people must want, becoming intelligent, knowing all of these things, showing off, that would make people like me. But, although I can devour books like nobody's business, and I tend to worry and whinge before every major decision, feeling unprepared, I would always find myself falling short of my own expectations. The amount of times I'd promised myself and others to create a plan and study hard, ultimately fail to do so, and then lie to everyone about it was astounding. My public image continued to be "air-in-words the smart girl" but my private image was still LIAR and FAKE.
I would still somehow get all A's. I was very good at remembering facts and excellent at taking tests. I always thought of them like little tricks themselves, meant to trip you up, but if you paid attention, you could figure out the patterns and be able to bluster your way through stuff you might not even fully understand. You can figure out certain words through context clues, and I was always very comfortable trusting my memory with little preparation beforehand. And yet, I still lied and told everyone I'd studied, at least as a child, before high school.
Math was what eventually messed me up, and sent my self-image whirling into the ground. My grades suddenly went from straight A's to D's and F's. My parents were aghast, what had happened??? I was so intelligent, so smart, such a good student. What had gone wrong?? And, although I never admitted it outloud to them, I knew the answer. With math, you can't trick your way out. You either know how to do it and give the right answer, or you don't. And I had never studied a day in my life, never practiced, never worked hard at all. It was my horrible little secret and math had outed me. It continues to out me, because rather than actually work at it and get better, I managed to keep my grades through high school afloat by leaning on my other grades and taking remedial math courses with a teacher who loved me very much and would let me off easy. To this day, honestly, I can barely count. I might actually have some form of dyscalculia, but I know that if I were willing to try a little harder I could get better. But, why would I do that, when this way works just fine? Just coasting through? But, again, no one could know. Not even myself.
Through high school, I began letting people in on my secret Snake, because being a "slacker" was suddenly cool. I still couldn't let my parents know, or the teachers, but coming clean about not being a keener was what earned me new friend groups. I wasn't some weirdo who actually studied all the time: I was a kid who maybe did 60-70% of my homework and slid by on my good memory and general interest in learning. And my reputation. My reputation was key to my success.
College would be the thing that completely threw me to the ground. There were simply too many sirens singing at me, distractions pulling me away from my work. I'd never looked less like a Bird than in college. I was always skipping class, always not studying, and in fact, would openly fail most of my courses. And I just didn't seem to care. I slid into what I guess must have been a sort of neutral zone, but I wasn't happy. The mask was slipping off and I needed out. I couldn't keep up this charade anymore. It was stifling, trying to be a Bird, going to college for a very Bird degree, surrounded by actual Birds, it was all very much what I didn't want. I wanted something less "academic," less, well, boring. Maybe more Snake like.
And, so, here we are. Currently dropped out of college, living in an apartment with my friend, away from my parents' prying eyes, and with a new job that I chose for myself. On the brink of finally understanding myself, and maybe accepting myself as I am.
My Badger primary is burned because of my Snake secondary. Because I thought I was a sham, a liar, a con, and I didn't feel like I deserved to have people close to me. Those traits are bad, and I was a bad person. No one should be tricked by me.
But, after reading some of the stories from the experts and other Snake secondaries, I found this crazy thought, that perhaps being this way isn't a bad thing. Maybe I'm not a bad person. Maybe it's okay to be who I am. Maybe I can use these "powers" for good, and they aren't inherently evil.
So, at least for now, I'm choosing to identify as Burnt Badger/Burnt Snake with Bird Model. Seeing how it feels to accept myself and not try and force myself to be who I think I should be, or who others want me to be (which is a Snake secondary thing in the first place. Lol!)
For Fun, Here's Some Crazy Actual Snake Secondary Things I've Done That I'm Trying to Be Less Ashamed of Now
When I was little, I used to make up crazy stories about things I'd done to seem more interesting. The one that makes me cringe the most is that my uncle has a statue in his backyard that comes to life and goes on adventures with me. My uncle DID have a statue in his backyard that I really loved but no, it didn't (and still hasn't) come to life.
Some of these, I can't explain, like this one, where I somehow had more than one teacher convinced I'd handed in every piece of homework before the one I was giving them the sob story about that day. I literally had a teacher look me in the face, tell me I'd been handing in my homework really well thus far and knew I was trustworthy, so they'd let me slide with no mark against me. Meanwhile, I had missed the homework for the past THREE WEEKS IN A ROW. I just smiled and let it go. Variations of this situation happened throughout high school and college. And, no, I had no good reason not to do the homework. I just didn't want to do it. Lol.
I usually live in the "neutral state" around my close friends, since I think it's disrespectful not to be straight with them, but I have had to turn it on to help them occasionally. One of my friends was having issues with an ex of hers, she was thinking that maybe she should go back out with the guh, and I had been my blunt, neutral self the whole time, telling her flat out that that was a bad idea. But, it wasn't working. "Neutral state" isn't like a Lion's forceful natural state, I guess. So, I decided I would have to push her in a certain direction to help her get through it. I told her she should go back out with him, and although she did sort of call me out for lying, knowing I didn't actually want that, I told her she should if she really think she should. The dude didn't last one date without showing his ass again, and she thanked me for making her do that. Lol.
Finally, at least for this list, my most prized shameful memory, is when I was taking an acting class in college. We were supposed to create a wordless scene as our final, and I hadn't prepared anything, so I just skipped the day we were supposed to do them. But, I decided to show up for the last day to see if I could still somehow pass. She's going through the grades, and looks up and asks me, "I don't have anything written down for you, I can't remember, did you give a performance or not?" I knew I hadn't then, but decided to give one now. I told her yes I had done one, don't you remember came up with a name on the fly. The same friend from the last story was staring at me like she was about to burst. She thought for a moment, then exclaimed, "ah, of course! Yes, I think I remember. I remember you'd done pretty well. What grade did I give you?" I hedged my bets and said A-. Lol. I had never been filled with more pride shame in my life.
#sorting hat chats#sortinghatchats#badger primary#hufflepuff primary#burnt badger primary#burnt hufflepuff primary#snake secondary#slytherin secondary#burnt snake secondary#burnt slytherin secondary#bird secondary#ravenclaw secondary#bird secondary model#ravenclaw secondary model#lion primary#gryffindor primary#hufflepuff#slytherin#ravenclaw#hogwarts#harry potter#personality types
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“New Moon” - Jasper Hale Miniseries: Part 1
As I got ready for bed, I had an eerie feeling. A feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn’t shake. I felt like something was wrong, but nothing was wrong. Not one thing was wrong. I just began my sophomore year of university, things were going well. Jasper and I were doing better than ever, but also something was wrong. Something was off, but he wouldn’t tell you what it was exactly. No matter how many times you’d ask, you’d get the same answer.
“Nothing important. Don’t worry doll.”
Well it was hard to listen to that. As every day passes, he was getting distant.
Everything changed when Edward found his mate, Bella. Jasper had something to say from the start, but it was clearly deeper than that.
Today he barely answered me again, a pattern for the last week. I feel so horrible, this change in him is killing me. My once sweet, loving, and affectionate boyfriend has barely been around the last four days. I feel so dramatic, but it’s deeper than that.
Then I heard it. My phone vibrated on my desk. I hoped it was Jasper as I practically ran to it.
“Sorry for not answering all day. I’m on my way to your dorm now.”
My heart sank to my stomach. Yes I was happy to see him, but I just knew something was wrong. He never treated me like this.
“(Y/N)..” I heard from the corner by my window.
“Jasper?” I say, almost not believing he was really there.
He walks over to me, hugging me. I grabbed him like my life depended on it. My grip was so tight it was hurting me. I didn’t care. I needed my mate here. His ice cold skin felt like home, no matter how sad he was making me. After finally pulling away, I look up at him. His eyes black from probably not eating, his face showed an extreme amount of distress, and just a sad look all together. I was really getting worried.
“I have to be honest with you.”
The sound of his voice made my heart flutter, but the words made me sick. I felt like I was going to be sick, I couldn’t help it.
“Please.” I beg him.
“Well, you know Edward has been struggling with Bella. She’s his mate, but he’s unable to handle it. You know, the whole wanting to kill the one you love thing.” His voice trails off.
I just nod and wait for him to keep talking. But, he sits us down on my bed. This can’t be good, sitting me down so I don’t freak out? Get sick? Faint?
“(Y/N), I just want you to know that I tried. I argued, I tried and did what I could. But what I decided is the best option for now. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I really need you to trust me.” He said to me with pleading eyes.
“I trust you, Jasper.” I said with tears starting to run down my cheeks.
“Edward has to leave. He can’t handle it, he thinks it’s too dangerous.” He said calmly.
“What?” I said, knowing where this conversation was going.
“We have to go with him, I didn’t want to. But it’s what we have to do for the safety of all of us. We can’t have her expose us, I can’t let you get hurt. I don’t need the Volturi in our business, especially if it will put you in harm’s way.” He told me.
“Jasper..” I said, reaching my hand out to him. I was barely able to say a word to him, my world was crumbling beneath me.
“You need to stay to finish school. You will see me again, I will be here for you. I will make sure you’re okay. But, I can’t be here with you. We can’t see each other for a while (Y/N). I will be here for your graduation whether this is over or not, because then you can come with us. I’m not letting you leave school behind for this. You need to do this, for yourself, for me, and most importantly-- your family. I can’t ask you, nor will I let you throw this on a back burner. I’m so sorry darling, but this is the only way to make sure you’re safe and fulfilling your life goals. I’m just so sorry it has to be this way.” He said, voice cracking at the end.
“Jasper, you can’t leave me. You can’t!” I said, unable to breathe.
He held me in his arms, he held me in the only home I needed.
“I’m so very sorry, I am. It just has to be this way for now. I’ll be back with you soon, I just don’t know when. Two years or less, doll.” He said to me, trying to comfort me.
That would still feel like forever without him. Jasper was my air, he kept me afloat when I was sinking. He was saying that like it was an hour. This was a nightmare.
“Jasper, please. Don’t do this to me.” I begged again.
“(Y/N), I have no choice. Your life is worth more than anything to me. I will be back with you soon. I have already fought with my family for days, trying to figure out another way. There just is no other way. It’s temporary…” His voice cracked at the end. I know it hurt him as much as it hurt me, to be without his mate. This was going to be difficult.
“When do you leave?” I ask, voice shaking.
“Tomorrow morning. I’m here to spend the night with you, but then I have to leave.”
Tomorrow? That was too soon, it’s not enough time for a goodbye. It’s never going to be enough time. But then I realized, where the hell was I going to live after the next semester ends? I dormed at my school and on breaks I lived at the Cullen’s home. I had to find somewhere to live, somewhere to move into within the next couple of months.
“You’re gonna miss Christmas with me..” I said, voice giving out on me.
“I’m so sorry.”
He felt my wave of anxiety wash over him, as he rubbed circles into the back of my hand.
“I brought stuff with me. In the backpack there’s enough money for rent, living, and anything else you’ll need. I found you an apartment I thought you’d like, in a safe area. I left some things I want you to keep with you in there, too.” He tells me, motioning to the backpack at the window. I never noticed it when he came in, but that’s probably because I saw him and only him. This room could’ve been on fire and I wouldn’t have noticed.
“Jasper, please.” I said with pleading eyes one more time.
“(Y/N), you know this is what has to be done. Please, can we please have a nice last night together?” He asked me, no begging me.
I nodded and buried my face into his chest. His hands held me close to him, but this would never be close enough. Especially since he was leaving me.
“Can you tell me where you’re going?” I ask, my voice muffled against his body.
“You know I can’t. I’m so sorry to be leaving you in the dark.”
He laid me down in my bed and held me tight. We listened to our favorite music. I touched every inch of his face, his arms, his hands. I wanted to take all of his beauty in before he left me indefinitely with no contact, as if he never existed. I was so sick to my stomach from this situation, but being next to Jasper always made me feel at peace, like things were right in the world. It almost felt like he wasn’t leaving.
I tried so hard not to fall asleep, as I didn’t want to waste any time with the last night with my love. We spent hours just looking at each other, touching each other just to know the other was real. Just to feel that we were still there. Laying on his chest in his arms always made me sleepy, and tonight unfortunately was no exception. I felt groggy and fell asleep in his arms.
Jasper’s POV
As the sun began to rise, I knew I had to leave. It was a dreadful feeling, but I knew it was something I had to do. I kissed (Y/N)’s forehead and held a piece of her beautiful hair in my hands. I took a polaroid picture of us off her desk and headed towards the window.
“Goodbye Darlin’.” I whispered before I hopped out of her window for the last time in the foreseeable future.
I looked back up at her dorm room window and wanted so badly to just go back in, to just stay, but I couldn’t. All because my brother couldn’t control himself, or even make up his mind. If I could cry, I’d be sobbing by now. Leaving my mate all alone with no warning is breaking me worse than anything else has. I was officially living in a Hell worse than Maria’s twisted entrapment. This blew any previous suffering of mine out of the water. Nothing compared to this pain, and there’s nothing I could do to fix it.
“I’ll see you soon, (Y/N). I promise.” I whisper to the window one last time before running back to my family, leaving my reason for existence behind.
*************
Word Count; 1614
hello everyone, I wanted to do this for a little while now. I turned it into a miniseries because it ended up being quite lengthy. I hope you all enjoy.
#jasper x reader#jasper hale#jasper hale x reader#jasper whitlock x reader#jasper whitlock#jasper hale fanfiction#jasper hale imagine#jasper whitlock imagine#jasper whitlock fanfic#twilight#twilight fanfic#twilight fanfiction#twilight x reader#twilight imagines#new moon#new moon fanfic#alice cullen#emmett cullen#rosalie hale#bella swan#bella cullen#esme cullen#carlisle cullen#edward cullen
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Horror Villains: How Self-Conscious (Looks-Wise) Are They In Order From Most (Top) to Least (Bottom)
Warnings: Of course, talk about negative (And positive, closer to the bottom if you’re looking ^^) body image.
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Jason Voorhees: Oh no. Oh nooooo, no. I’m going to get upset about this.
Thomas Hewitt: Like Bubba, he covers his face with other faces because he doesn’t like how he looks, plus like Jason he’s been bullied his whole life (For longer than Jason, unless Charlie pulled him out of school, which feels likely) by other kids into thinking he’s yucky.
Bubba Sawyer: He’s kind of… known… for being self-conscious. That’s why he wears the skin masks, yes? Because he doesn’t think his face is good enough? I wish he could meet some of ya’ll in this fandom, you would have him blushing like a fool in no time.
Jedidiah Sawyer: He’s still up here with the other Leatherface’s of course, but I just feel like he’s more chill? I dunno.
Roman Bridger: He tries not to think about it too hard, because then he’ll fall down a hole it’s hard to get yourself out of (Like most people). Its manageable as long as he does this, though.
Carrie White: Not quite to the extent that Bubba is at, but she wasn’t aware that she was even pretty until that teacher mentioned it to her. She had far too much going on in her life for that to really matter, anyway. So, her looks weren’t the end all be all or anything, but she was shy and unsure of her looks.
Chop Top Sawyer: Don’t mess up his wig goddamnit, he needs to it to tie together his look!! He’ll get over it though.
Billy Loomis: Like, he’s… the normal amount for a teenage boy (Or teenager in general), you know? When we see him, he’s 18 (So he’s nearing the end of puberty and hormones and stuff)and he’s focused on other things, but I bet you he is a lil’ bit self-conscious. Not terribly, he’ll still go to the beach and not wear a shirt and stuff like that, but he thinks he could be better. Mostly he’s self-conscious about what’s inside- why else would his mother abandon him? That’s his thought process, she really messed him up.
The Man: I think he would have some deep, personal issues with himself, but he doesn’t acknowledge them. Just uses unhealthy coping mechanisms like murdering and probably sticking his used gum under desks.
Drayton Sawyer: Drayton’s too busy keeping his derelict family afloat to worry about how he looks. If someone (*Cough* Nubbins) was mean to him about his looks though, he would probably get grumbly and feel hurt. But liking the way he looks is so low on his to-do list that he doesn’t even think about it unless someone mentions it.
Chucky / Charles Lee Ray: He doesn’t care. So no, he isn’t self-conscious. He is cocky and will talk himself up to keep up his damn reputation, but he isn’t gonna get sad over it, or particularly happy if he’s complimented. Just like ‘I know’. He knows. He is weirdly attached to the doll’s hair, though… So there’s that.
Michael Myers: For him, the mask is more about anonymity. His looks are as far away from his thoughts as possible. No, he doesn’t want to brush his hair? Why?? No, he wont worry if he somehow gets a partner? Why?? Honestly he’s a brat, its struggle to even get him to brush his damn teeth.
Luda Mae Hewitt: Have you seen her younger days?? She was a Hollywood type. Nowadays she’s very humble and thinks her looks have basically gone but she’ll still smile and feel warm inside if you compliment her.
Mayor Buckman: He has no qualms with the way he looks, period.
Stu Macher: Stu isn’t self-conscious at all ^^ I think he tends to judge his worth by how many people like him and how many girls he can get (So, of course having Casey leave him for another guy was a huge it to his ego- that’s why she ain’t living now). Physically, he thinks he’s smokin’ XD
Inkubus: Ah… he doesn’t really think about it? He’s come to the conclusion that he’s pleasant to look at over the years and now doesn’t bother thinking about it. Also, he’s too old to care. He’s absolutely comfortable in his looks.
Pamela Voorhees: Look at me in the eyes and tell me she wasn’t all over the- what? Dances, or whatever they had where you could meet people of the opposite sex in her day? Tell me she wasn’t there, looking her best and that’s how she met Jason’s Dad. Her focus now is solely on Jason though, she could care less how she looks- but she still knows.
Mickey Altieri: He’s fine (adjective, as in hot) and he knows it- but also, like Pam, its not as important to him as it is to Debbie or Patrick/Jennifer.
Debbie Loomis: She is a changed, self-improved woman and she is proud of her new look.
Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt: *Looks longingly at his own reflection* “Ladies love a man in uniform.” // He’s fine (adverb. Here meaning satisfactory- although of course I am being sarcastic. He loves himself. He thinks he’s beating the ladies off. With a stick and a shot gun and his personality. If there were any to speak of, that is).
Both Pennywise’ and the Midnight Man: What is this mortal construct?? I’m hungry (Midnight Man: For fun-).
Freddy Krueger: When he was human, I definitely think the constant bullying and degradation would have made him believe he’s unpleasant to look at, but now he’s p o w e r f u l and that is his shit. Who gives a fuck what he looks like- in fact it’s a plus if he’s considered ugly. Scarier.
Jennifer Check and Patrick Bateman: They know they’re hot. Okay, they know. Jennifer’s insecurities lie more around losing her looks or them not being enough for people to like her. Patrick puts too much money and effort into his look and will be pissed if it somehow deteriorates- which it won’t, he’s done research.
#Horror Villains#Horror Villains: How Self-Conscious (Looks-Wise) Are They In Order From Most (Top) to Least (Bottom)#Jennifer Check#Patrick Bateman#Freddy Krueger#og pennywise#Pennywise 2017#Midnight Man#Sheriff Hoyt#Charlie Hewitt#Debbie Loomis#Mickey Altieri#Pamela Voorhees#Inkubus#Stu Macher#Mayor Buckman#Luda Mae Hewitt#Michael Myers#Chucky#Charles Lee Ray#Drayton Sawyer#The Man (Hush)#Billy Loomis#Chop Top Sawyer#Carrie White#Roman Bridger#Jedidiah Sawyer#Bubba Sawyer#Thomas Hewitt#Jason Voorhees
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Miraculous Team and Batboys, end of Damian Grasyon day 1
Here’s what i have for the update
--
Marinette wasn’t surprised to see Lilia trying to talk to Damian in her seat. Or that he looked ready to kill her.
“And then Damiboo—“
“Hey Lila, I need to do more official welcoming committee things with Damian before class starts. We wouldn’t want him to get caught unprepared for any attacks at Dupont, would we?”
Before Lila could speak up Alya grabbed the girl’s arm and pulled her back to her lair in the back.
“C’mon, we don’t want him to get pancaked then miracle back—you know how much people that are used to it hate that.”
“But—“
“Oh sweet, no lecture today then,” Nino grinned.
Marinette almost rolled her eyes. “I know your haunts, I will get you on a semi-healthy sleep schedule.”
“I am an artist, we say screw sleep.”
“You can be nocturnal and have a sleep schedule Nino.” Marinette paused for a moment. “Or I will revoke morning delivery privileges.”
Nino stiffened.”Got it.”
She turned back to Damian, who held up his phone. “Did all of these really happen?”
Marinette looked at the attacks he had pulled up. “Yeah, just, don’t bring up that one,” Marinette pointed to the Siren video. “The survivors are in therapy and the victims don’t remember for a good reason.” She paused for a moment before saying, “And try not to bring up someone’s akumatazations, it’s a leading cause to re-akumatazation like with this one.” Marinette tapped the first entry on the page, Stone Heart.
Damian nodded, looking over at her once again before continuing his scroll.
“If you have any questions about this or school or classes, I can give you my number. No guarantees I’ll get back that moment, but usually that day. Commissions can eat up time… I’ll check with Sabrina if she’s willing to answer questions too.”
“The class deputy, correct?” Damian asked without looking up.
“Yeah, I’d ask Chloe but she’s in the middle of fighting the school on a few trip schedules for the class and well…”
“I cannot believe they want to cut our time in the gardens Adrikins, can you believe it! It’s ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous!”
Damian looked up at her as she sighed. “I’m pretty sure oil and water get along better than you two would.”
Damian nodded and—no she was imagining it. No way that expression happened.
“She’s more tolerable than the other one.”
Marinette hummed at that. “Chloe is the lesser of two evils at any point in time.”
“Oh shut up Dupain-Cheng.”
“Marinette, that isn’t very nice,” Adrien gently reprimanded.
Marinette rolled her eyes openly this time. “Its this or war.”
“Personally, I’d prefer war,” Chloe huffed. “But we have someone to dispose of first.”
“I mean, maybe she’s just got a condition? No need to jump down her throat dudette,” Nino added.
Marinette raised an eyebrow. “So what did she screw up on her timeline this time?”
Chloe huffed this time. “The same summer she was with Ali doing “delegation things” she was apparently being wooed by Gotham’s elusive ice prince.”
Marinette snorted at that.
She missed Damian’s reaction, but she doubted it was anything important.
“Okay, so are you all now in agreement that she’s lying?”
Chloe rolled her eyes. “Told you all Dupain-Cheng was right at the beginning, but did you listen? Nooo.”
Adrien sighed. “I really messed up at first, didn’t I?”
Marinette shrugged. She got why---rock, hard place, and really bad coping mechanisms but… “Kind of.”
“Dudette, thanks again for making sure we all still went into those competitions and stuff.”
Marinette nodded, watching others in the class check the document, minus those in Lila’s sight.
Alix looked ready to clock Lila from her place while Rose was a bit devastated on her end. She winced a bit at those responses. Lila still did deal some damage to the class over the years, even if she did mitigate most of the long term ones.
“Someone has to keep the class afloat.”
“Rude.” Chloe wasn’t glaring. Oh—Chloe was doing her brand of friendship with Marinette now. She’d need to be vigilant for possible Chloe-cling.
“We both know you’d sell most of us for a corn chip,” Marinette added, hoping it might put just the right amount of distance but…
“Obviously, only Sabrina and Adrikins are spared…” she was glad she wasn’t included. “though you’re a bag of corn chips.” Damnit.
“Settle down class, now…” with that class began and Marinette almost groaned because she had an impending civilian Chloe friendship, who is exactly the type to drag you around without listening to any objections.
Once classes were over Marinette checked her messages with Sabrina.
“Okay, so here’s my number and Sabrina’s, any questions you can message either of us. Sabrina is better for procedural things and responds a lot faster than me.”
Sabrina materialized out of thin air and puffed out her chest. “I am the superior organizer.”
Marinette mock-glared at the red-head for that. “You still mess up the joint class schedules.”
Sabrina huffed at her. “You’re the one that they tell everything to.”
“I listen, and follow up. You’re just lucky I forward you guys that monster schedule since you can’t be trusted without supervision.”
Sabrina pouted at that. “Its not my fault Adrien and Kim don’t update theirs.”
Marinette nodded along, wondering if she could escape soon. “Just talk to Kim—I know you hate his sport speak but just ask if he can show up and he’ll check his calendar—I made sure to train him on that before stepping down.”
Sabrina looked at her before going off to do just that, since he yelled something about a new competition and that meant an updated class schedule.
Marinette packed her things then, figuring that Damian was already gone.
“Have a good day Dupain-Cheng.”
If it wasn’t for Chloe being across the room, she would have rolled her eyes. However…
“You too Damian. Again, any questions and me or Sabrina can answer.”
He frowned at her as she stood to leave. Oh, the textbooks!
“The mint page in the orange folder should show you the easiest places to get the textbooks this late into term. I’m guessing you’re not the type to like having to hit the library for required materials, and you don’t look like the type to like sharing textbooks long term. If those don’t work, Sabrina has a pdf for transfers you can download once you get approval to use a laptop or phone in class from Bustier. The form is the second mint page I think, and don’t worry, she approves things like that in a few days.”
Damian nodded. Marinette wondered if she overwhelmed him as she left. Oh well, her classmates were busy and she still had to finish Ali’s commission before patrol or an akuma attack—it was too quiet.
She hoped Damian read over the safety procedures, and sent him a quick text to review those as an after thought as she sent him in English (She hoped she guessed right): It’s been too peaceful for Hawkmoth, and our attacks are usually once every two days.
He read it but didn’t respond. She rolled her eyes as she entered the bakery, noting that Zombie was gone.
“I’ll be upstairs!”
“Before you do, can you make more of your monstrosities? The daycare should be letting out soon…”
Marinette almost sighed. Almost. How much did Zombie have? Apparently all of it.
She rolled her eyes as she made her usual ‘sleep deprived’ set for the regulars and ran upstairs to finish up Ali’s commission. With any luck, she wouldn’t have to stay up all night.
She was almost done, just a few more details when the AkumaWatch went off.
Tikki gave her a look.
“I know, I know.” Marinette grabbed her things for school. “Maman, Papa, I’m going to the Library!”
“Don’t stay till closing this time!”
“No promises!”
She ran off a decent distance before ducking into an alleyway.
“Tikki, Spots on!”
--
Elsewhere Damian had escaped Bustier's "checking in" by taking refuge in the school's library and sent over the information he'd gathered from Dupont and the Ladyblog to Drake first. Who Todd located and then relocated at Dick's request to go over what they'd found and discuss possible investigation avenues into the miraculous and its users.
He didn't like the idea of the 'boogey-man' stories (according to Grayson) of the trinkets holding the power gods being a reality. Especially if the old stories from the League were anything to go by... According to legend, a pair of earrings were responsible for the Lazarus Pitts existence in the first place--and he was weary of the tales of the ring that wiped cities from existence, and the necklace that drove men to madness.
--
Hope you enjoyed, and thanks to everyone that’s been commenting and voting on this and the ao3 of the story. Sorry, but Damian getting intrigued beat out Lila exposure by Damian. Instead, we have Class Knows She Lies, but no action plan on that yet... May do various confrontations when we get back to school updates.
Here’s the question for the next update, since its battletime and I get stuck on those for a bit.
Two things: batboys invade the battle or show up at the end when the Miraculous Team are wrapping it up?
and any akuma ideas? I'm debating just having it be gigtitan or pigeonman if its light, or if we're going dark, then a little kid that's being starved for 'bad behavior' regularly possibly turning adults into food, and the Miraculous Team seen at the end both comforting the kid in turns while talking to the police.
light is just simple intro, dark is more a slap in the face for the batboys that this is not Gotham or the Justice League, and gets them to see the whole of the problem more.
@worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @littleredrobinhoodlum @northernbluetongue @kceedraws @pirats-pizzacanninibles @theatreandcomicfreak @daminett4life @catthhay @weird-pale-blonde-person @amayakans @chocolatecatstheron
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I've been homeless and immobile for a while, but I'm in danger of losing my accommodation and wheels (again).
Mentally and spiritually, I have been homeless for nearly two decades. I have once again been threatened with eviction because I don't have enough money in my bank account to pay my rent or meet my car repayment and other loans. Each time it happens, things get worse and there's no negotiating.
This time around, though, I might call their bluff, because I was already being driven mad (quite literally) by the restrictions, manipulating and gass-lighting (being called a cold, uncaring self-centred, irrational, illogical, lazy, stupid, narcissistic and paranoid sociopath — enough to make a guy with self-esteem and motivation issues suicidal). What's changed is that now I've been banned from using, cleaning and/or performing any maintenance on any room in the house except my bedroom (including bathrooms and toilets), which was previously one of my responsibilities. I have to use outdoor ones/the old servants' quarters, which doesn't have a door on the bathroom. )I live in the southern hemisphere; it's winter here.) I'm not allowed to hang a curtain or take material to make one, so I use an old chlorine bucket in the passageway/corridor outside as an indicator that I'm in there. I'm not allowed to be out there past 21:00 and am not allowed to move my stuff to the servants' quarters or garage because they are being used as storage space for tools and, occasionally, as a home gym by/for my landlord. I'm also not allowed to use any tools or appliances (including vacuum, cleaners, brushes, brooms, dustpans and cloths), because no maintenance. Everything of mine that I don't keep hidden and locked away has been confiscated. Of that, everything that I bought myself has been discarded or claimed as belonging to my landlord and landlady. (My soap, of all things, was the first casualty, which is what tipped me off and prompted my buying locks for those things I could lock away.) I am also not financially able nor permitted to buy more tools, containers or locks (and replacements for those) since my finances are being scrutinised and my choices, decisions and purchases criticised.
My broom is a paintbrush, my dustpan a plastic shopping bag and my duster a roll of paper towel. My vacuum cleaner is a cardboard tube glued to a Pringles can with a PC fan inside. ... And they wonder why I've taken to doing DIY projects that repurpose recyclable household items ; how irrational of me ... Le sigh.
That means no fridge, kettle, microwave or stove. I also don't get cooked meals. That would be fine on its own if I weren't subject to restrictions. I live off powdered milk, coffee, cereal, peanut butter, marmite, bread, orange squash concentrate, syrup, biscuits and bananas. Sometimes, I skim a couple of tablespoons of yoghurt out of the container when they're not around, or dilute fruit juice with water at a ratio of about 1:3, just to have some variety/luxury. I had some meal replacement shake powder too, just to keep me from starving, but that's gone and I can't afford to replace it. If I ask for more, I'll have to pay it back; they keep track of everything they buy for me (including a bottle of vitamins) that I'll have to pay back if/when I get a job again. I already owe about $220. It was, of course, a big deal when I bought myself twelve beers on special for $9 the day I got paid for the first lot of contract work I'd done in nearly six months since losing my job, despite the guy underpaying me by just over $100 because I hadn't insisted on a written agreement and was in no position to haggle/negotiate; the last time I do favours for friends, especially those who're religious. (The fact that I'm rationing out the beers at one a week and am only on my sixth one next weekend doesn't have any relevance to my landlady, who tried to confiscate a couple with intent to give them to my landlord and made an almighty fuss about how selfish I was being when I said I'd be fine with sacrificing them if either of them had just asked for one, how she'd noticed my ex always bought the wine despite our having agreed on certain divisions of costs when we were together, and a whole lot of other irrelevant bullshit.)
I need help getting out before the end of June, assuming I find a job and somewhere to go by then. Otherwise, I'm quite likely to end up on the street or attempting to off myself again. Currently, I have no job, nowhere to go and not even enough money to buy a cheap bicycle for $175. Even if I take my car to a dealer who'll settle the balance of my loan with the bank, I get nothing for it because it's an old model which I haven't been able to afford to take better care of and is pretty much a lemon four years after I drove it off the showroom floor. (I should have traded it in after two, before the new model came out). That's the best deal I've been offered. The alternative is to either trade it in for something else and extend my loan or take an amount that's less than it's worth and continue paying off a loan for a vehicle I no longer have. Hooray for death by a thousand cuts under Consumer capitalism.
Apparently, it's all my fault for not learning my life lessons, growing the fuck up, sorting my life out and GTFO of the family home a hell of a lot sooner (by at least a decade, nearly two), when the physical abuse by my peers first started in small and subtle ways. I thought that would all be behind me when I left high school, then varsity, then two corporate jobs. But no, I'm the kind of person who attracts bullies and toxic, abusive relationships.
The moral of the story
If I had known what I now know and the lessons I have learned when I was a padawan/young twenty-something, I would have taken my education seriously and applied myself to obtaining both CS and EE degrees instead of a crappy, near-worthless diploma, moved into my own two-room shoebox as a priority and bought a bicycle instead of a car. Anywhere I can't reach by bike probably isn't worth going and a car is an immovable liability/waste of money two years after purchase. At least I would have my own space (which I so desperately crave). At least then, I could be an allegedly horrible, reprehensible and repulsive degenerate of a person all by myself without anybody to hurt or hurt me. I'm fucking done with living with other people for a while. Fuck that noise; I want a thousand days of solitude, even if it's in a corrugated iron shack in an informal settlement. I'm prepared to cook my supper in a three-legged potjie over a wood fire and boil collected rainwater in a cast iron pot while I wait for my orchard and mielies to grow.
Honestly, at this stage, I'm prepared to live on a camp bed with a sleeping bag and a camp chair and folding table in somebody's garage, undercroft or old servants' quarters (as long as there's a plug point and running water) just to be able to get away from here. I just want some space of my own to be myself (horrible or otherwise) again and keep my interaction with people to a minimum while I figure out how to cope with/manage my shitty life situation, get back on my feet and out in the world again without being scrutinised, criticised, judged, condemned, restricted, rejected and ostracised. That shit is literally making me crazy and suicidal. It is not in any way conducive to me so much as thinking of an action plan/way forward, let alone pursuing it. Yet, somehow, I still manage to restrict the time I spend buggering around on social media (still too much), which I apparently need to succeed in the modern world, hunt for jobs, write, make music and try to flog my Patreon to disinterested parties. Oh, and I'm also writing a proposal for a social media site for someone who's attempting to gather funding.
Seeing my shrink for two hours a month (which costs me a month's wages from my part-time weekend job) and the afore-mentioned job is not enough, as much as I love animals.
So if you can spare between ten and twenty-seven dollars a month to help keep me afloat, please subscribe to my Patreon. Your support will be greatly appreciated.
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｡･ﾟﾟ･ — introduction.
introducing ... violet’s demise ! aka grayson aka her big brother she’s been wiring money to stay away in europe <33333
name: grayson swag money jeon
age: 22 turning 23 (don’t ask me about his sign that’s for liza to figure out someday <3)
gender: cis male; he/him
hometown: baltimore, maryland
sexuality: bisexual & biromantic
listen i was feeling rlly committed to completing his stats but i’m already over it so don’t ask dont tell xx anYWAYS let’s get on to the juicy stuff hehe
i tend to ramble a lot so this intro is gonna be probably a mixture of paragraphs and bullet points and everything in between but let’s start simple. also i rlly wanna emphasize a massive DRUGS TW bc his character largely revolves around his interest in and addiction to drugs
blackmails
grayson is claiming that he's been in a rehab program for the last year and is now completely sober and reformed when he really was just using the money to party and travel throughout europe.
without his parents paying to support him now, he's had to start dealing to make ends meet and keep up appearances. it’s mostly coke, but he dabbles in harder substances depending on what his connections can get him.
grayson dabbles with calligraphy and was notorious for forging excuse notes and parent signatures all throughout high school and even now sells forgeries for a quick buck. the most notable of these was xavi’s letter of recommendation that helped him get into yale.
background
grayson is violet’s older brother!!1 yes, that’s right, THE big brother who’s been out of the country getting LIT (and by lit i mean he’s been traveling europe on a series of solo trips w his parents’ money and doin lots of recreational drugs)
i haven’t fully fleshed out the dynamic he has w his parents but just know it’s ,, bad ASDHFJNK basically the jeons treated their children like accessories and expected them to be their little trophies and grayson just was not having that as a kid!!! so he acted out a lot and obviously got himself into a pretty bad scene (thank u goosie) and is basically the bane of his parents existence at this point <3 yet they still try to appease him to keep him under control but that’s for the family task to work out hehehehe
despite hating his parents, he adores both of his siblings. before the drug use started, he was always a big nurturer and would have done anything for either of them......now he wouldn’t be caught dead praising violet but he loves her in secret from afar HSJDFKG
yeah basically he met goose when he was around 15 i think????? and got introduced to drugs around 16 or 17 i wanna say and by the time he graduated high school he was just....a much different person than the soft big brother he used to be. his parents sent him off to europe pretty much as soon as he turned 18 under the guise of going to school internationally, but grayson obviously knew the truth and understood that he was being sent away so he wouldn’t be his parents problem anymore.
he basically spent the last four years galavanting europe and just....trying to enjoy it???? but it’s hard to enjoy an extended vacation when u have no family or friends on ur side anymore </3 he basically used the money to stay in hostels and worked odd jobs here and there to stay afloat and keep supplied w the...special goods....but yeah lots of drugs, alcohol, sex, and recklessness but he DID learn a couple languages??? or at least enough to get through some pretty basic conversations in most european countries so <3 guess it’s all okay then!!!!
anyways idk what else to put here that u won’t just find out in the family task so uhhhhhh idk lmk if u need anything else i guess
present/personality
so now grayson is just vibing at yale obviously ummm he actually got super into writing after high school, especially poetry. he used to carry journals full of just random prose about his addiction and his deepest thoughts, as well as probably some lighter stuff about his love escapades or maybe goose idk...basically he used poetry as an outlet and it allowed him to really ground himself and find his place in the world even if it didnt include who he thought it would SO with that being said, grayson got into yale due to a poetry competition he was a part of. he saw some big fancy competition being advertised and on a whim decided to submit some poem about his struggles with addiction and losing his family (a v raw piece that he didn’t expect to ever see the light of day) and he actually ended up winning! it caught yale’s attention and they invited him to apply and, knowing how much it would probably disturb his little sister, grayson very smugly applied and was pretty stoked to see he got in
because that poem gained such publicity, it was assumed that he was a survivor of addiction and was writing from a sober perspective. he didn’t want to correct anyone, so he just went with it and has basically crafted this story about his massive success and has become an advocate for addiction treatment and rehabilitation. of course, none of the companies that sponsor him or the events that host him as a motivational speaker know that he’s snorting lines in the bathroom beforehand or dealing to half the elites, but that’s between grayson, god, and the blackmailer !
basically grayson showed back up because of violet’s blackmail being exposed. he was off in europe, unable to defend himself, and with a massive vendetta against his family so he decided what better way to reenter society than by publicly outing himself as a martyr <3333 his plan is basically to bash the family name to fulfill whatever angsty coming of age arc he has in store for him to make up for the pain of being sent away .... really angsty yeah </3 rip grayson
anyways yeah he’s a total fake. he’s been using his status as a martyr to his advantage a lot, the best example being his recruitment into the elites. he guilted them into accepting him by discussing the PR benefits of recruiting a member that struggles with addiction and how supporting addiction treatment and second chances would be such a good look for them. like he basically threatened to publicly expose them for denying him due to his troubled past and accuse them of being exclusionary so they said boop ! ur in. now the elites are proud advocates for second chances <3333
i would describe grayson as fearless, overconfident, infamous due to his condition being exposed recently, a little gloomy, he’s kind of just got this chip on his shoulder and feels like he has something to prove....he’s gotta be better than his parents, gotta stick it to them and to violet and to everyone who doubts him. he’s a grumpy guy with a massive vendetta and a need for some kind of justice. he just doesn’t know what that is yet. despite all of the bad, however, he’s genuinely a pretty good guy. he’s really goofy and a genuine person, pretty friendly with literally everyone until they give him a reason not to be. basically, unless you are a member of the jeon family he probably likes you or is at least cordial to you (unless we plot differently ofc but u know). he’s just a big lovable dummy with some sweet drug connects and a knack for poetry. he also knows calligraphy but that’s beside the point .
idk if this is enough to describe him but yeah if u have any questions just let me know hehe
this is probably gonna make things hard but considering violet was just exposed i think that he’s pretty new to yale ???? like probably just transferred in/started this spring semester rather than being here for the entire year/a prolonged amount of time so most of our plots will likely have to be newer/center on him first showing up OR we can establish their connections from pre-europe which is also fine w me....idk i didnt rlly think this timeline through so let’s just plot and see what happens aghbfjnd anyways i included some connection ideas to help us all just in case
wanted connections
i’d say he’s the honorary dealer of the elites aghbdfjn so literally anyone who needs a plug could be a potential connection. we can obviously tweak this and customize it to each character <3
maybe someone who met grayson in europe. they could have travelled together for an extended period of time or even just a brief encounter. he was over there for four years, so the possibilities are endless.
building off the last one, this same connection could work with a romantic interest. maybe they were romantically involved for a time in europe and fell out of touch or maybe grayson/your muse just left in the middle of the night and they never saw each other again until now and maybe there’s some unresolved feelings/one-sided longing or need for closure. it could also be that they just hooked up whenever this person was in the area and that was that, no strings attached.
maybe someone who genuinely believes that grayson is actually sober and really admires his strength and idk maybe they’re struggling w their own issues and seek advice from him or maybe they just make it harder for him to actually do his thing bc they’re constantly around and it’s not like they can catch him strung out and acting up
someone in the literature department or with a background in english or writing. someone he could read poetry to, or share his favorite lines with. someone who’s taken the same professors and can tell him who to watch out for or what to expect. idk i just want him to have someone to share his passions with. maybe a little crush is forming? maybe they’re just friends who share a love of fiction? idk i’m open to literally anything
he’s sort of a motivational speaker now bc he advocates for rehabilitation resources and stuff so like maybe ur muse saw him give a presentation or participate in some kind of seminar and they called bullshit on him after the show bc they were like,,, bro i literally saw u partying w max and avery last weekend what the fuck are u on about and now they could potentially hold that blackmail over his head hehe......
exes plots are always fun we love angst in this house
fuck it let’s bring another family member BHJFNGKM no but grayson rlly is a nurturing guy and like....definitely develops unhealthy attachments to cope w his loss of family so he’d love all the sibling-like bonds he can get to kinda numb the pain of “””””losing””””” violet
if none of these interest you i’m literally so down for anything pls just let me know and i’m happy to brainstorm always <333333
thank u for reading this....smooch .
#anyways this is just under 1900 words whoops#stream of consciousness wins again#intro#literally dont even have my tags sorted yet dont talk to me .
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Casey Affleck Gets Philosophical About Life, Time & The Whole Damn Thing
“Time,” reflects Casey Affleck, “is something I have been thinking about lately. It is ironic how the older you get, the better you are at being patient. With less time left, people become better at waiting. But this year, I feel much older and a lot less patient. I guess you’ve got to accept that time is never wasted? That doing is no different than not doing? That you can’t kill time no matter what you do, and that no matter what you do you can’t prevent the opposite from happening either? I don’t know. It’s a double-edged sword.”
It’s a Wednesday afternoon in early January, and Affleck and I are doing the Zoom thing, ostensibly to discuss his two new movies, the recently released indie Our Friend and the upcoming 19th-century period drama The World to Come. Yet our virtual tête-à-tête has become far more interesting, jumping wildly from his love of trains and travel to weightier topics like family, the future and the search for something more, something meaningful.
“I like the idea that time is an illusion. That past, present and future are all happening at once. I like it even though I can’t totally get my head around it. But either way, the me in the mirror gets older every day.”
Like most of us, he’s not only had plenty of time on his hands in recent months, housebound in L.A., but he’s tried to use his downtime wisely. “I tried to use this year of quarantine constructively,” the 45-year-old Oscar winner says. “I tried to see it as a winter season for shutting down and restoring something inside, but I just couldn’t. I’m not that evolved, I guess. I didn’t take up a new hobby or learn an instrument or get better at ‘self-care.’ If anything, I let my better habits and routines fall off. It was all I could do to keep my head above water and help buoy my friends and children when I could.”
As a guy with two teenagers at home — Indiana, 16, and Atticus, 13 — it hasn’t been easy, but he’s doing his best. He tried taking his sons on their annual camping road trip over the summer, but it was short-lived. Instead, he’s been focusing on making a happy home. “My kids don’t get to see their friends a lot, so I’m doing a lot more stuff with them, coming up with activities for the three of us, which they mostly hate, and I mostly let drop. And then I try again with the same outcome 90 percent of the time.”
While trying to create innovative plans to sustain his boys, he came up with one he thought might do some good, too. In June, he launched Stories from Tomorrow, a social-media initiative focused on creative writing by kids.
“At the beginning of all this last March, the first thing that occurred to me was that the quarantine would have a big impact on young people’s emotional well-being — the disruption they’re going to feel is really going to affect their mental health more than anyone else,” he says. “When I would sit down to write creatively, I felt better. But I couldn’t get my sons to journal or do creative writing much. I didn’t want to twist their arms about it. So I was like, ‘I’ll make a social media platform that inspires young people to write creatively, because it is such a good way of working out difficult feelings. And the way I will do that is have well-known people read the kids’ writing publicly.’ I knew that hearing your own writing read was exciting. I thought it would be really inspiring, that creative writing would be a great outlet for kids stuck at home.”
He enlisted some of the biggest names in Hollywood, including Robert Redford, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle, Jon Hamm, Matthew Broderick, Kyle Chandler and Danny Glover, as well as two current costars, Vanessa Kirby and Jason Segel, and arranged for donations made through the program to go to children’s hunger nonprofit Feeding America and Room to Read, which supports female education. He reached out to schools in Africa, Asia, the Middle East and Haiti, hoping to create a global community.
Affleck was excited to make progress, to have done some good, but the initiative didn’t take off as planned. “In the end, an Instagram account for creative writing by tweens just couldn’t possibly compete with the quintillion bytes of daily data generated online. I don’t know. But I tried! And anyway, since then lots of other organizations started doing basically the same thing, and they are more organized than I am, and they have done a better job. So be it.”
Yet, adults have been disrupted, too, including Affleck himself, who is aware that, relatively speaking, he has gotten through mostly unscathed. “Am I happy? I mean, I’m relatively okay. It’s been a hard time to find balance and to keep it. I would say it’s been a hard time in my life, but I know that it’s been harder for other folks. So far we haven’t lost anyone, and we haven’t lost our house. And I rediscovered that when you’re feeling bad, there’s nothing better to do than to try to help other people. Being of service not only helps others but is a great way of getting outside of yourself. Also — and I really believe this — I think this time will be remembered as one when our country made leaps and bounds in the right direction; we are changing and growing and it’s uncomfortable, but we will be much, much better. I wish I could see the next couple hundred years. It’s going to be amazing.”
At the end of the day, it’s family that’s keeping him going. “Having my kids around and being able to spend so much time with them has been amazing. It is the brightest silver lining in all of this. They are what gives me the most joy. They are funny and smart and interesting and interested. They are just the best company ever,” he says. “Anytime I try to parent out some ‘teaching moment,’ I find they are two steps ahead. They help me make sense of stuff just as much I help them, if not more. I don’t have any answers, but batting the questions around, back and forth, is a good way of coping.”
CALEB CASEY MCGUIRE AFFLECK-BOLDT feels he is luckier than most. Although he and many of his peers have gone jobless for a full year, he spent 2019 working hard. He had not one but three films done and dusted prior to the start of the pandemic; the last one wrapped a week before mandatory quarantine. Two of these have back-to-back release dates: the tearjerker indie Our Friend came out in January, and sweeping period drama The World to Come will be released February 12. Thriller Every Breath You Take is slated for later this year. “I am so, so, so glad I spent 2019 working that much. It is what kept us afloat all through 2020,” he says.
The films themselves are radically different, but there are a few common threads. In both of his winter releases, Affleck plays a man who has lost a family member and whose marriage is in shambles. In both, he is a man in pain.
In the LGBTQ masterpiece The World to Come, which revolves around the love that blossoms between two married women on the mid-19th-century American frontier, his character, Dyer, says very little but manages to convey a wealth of emotion with his eyes alone. He may seem stoic, but he is suffering.
“The World to Come is a story about a couple who have lost a baby. They’re dealing with the grief in totally different ways and having a very hard time coming together again,” he explains. “My character wants to heal that by having another, but his wife [played by Katherine Waterson] is coping in a different way. She is severing all emotional attachment to him because it triggers more and more grief. She [only] seems to come alive when she is with their neighbor, a woman on the next farm [played by Vanessa Kirby]. He wants his wife happy, but he also would like her to love him. To me, this is the story of how couples can have their relationship shattered by a sudden loss. And it’s definitely a beautiful story about two women who feel that they have to hide their love and find the courage to love each other anyway.”
Affleck likes layers. He himself has many, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s drawn to roles written as fully formed characters, not caricatures. With Dyer, that’s abundantly clear. “Crisis is fun to play, [and Dyer] is in an interesting crisis,” he says. “I think he’s a really good person — a really decent, solid, loving person — which is what I loved so much about playing him and what I love so much about the writing. It’s more interesting when there’s no bad guy, just a conflict of circumstances and feelings that get so complicated that it drives two people apart.”
In Our Friend, a different set of circumstances drives the leads apart. Affleck and Dakota Johnson take on the true story of Matthew and Nicole Teague, whose imperfect marriage was strained by his long absences and her affair, neither of which seem at all important when she’s diagnosed with terminal cancer.
“To me, Our Friend is really a story about how petty grievances between people can divide them and then be forgotten when a gigantic tragedy is dropped in their laps. [Matthew] was wronged, it’s true — his wife cheated on him. On the other hand, he wronged her in a bunch of ways; [they] were just more passive and not quite so salacious. He wasn’t around. Matt got to be a dad and he got to travel the world as a journalist. He left her to take care of the kids. She wanted to have a life too, she had dreams of her own — she wanted to be a singer, she wanted to work — but she didn’t get to do that. She just got to be a mom. She was left holding the bag, and it wasn’t fair.”
He spent a fair amount of time immersing himself in the journalist’s life while filming in Fairhope, Ala., in 2019. (The film’s title is taken from Teague’s award-winning Esquire essay, “The Friend: Love Is Not a Big Enough Word.” The friend in question — played by Jason Segel — is a man who puts his life on hold to help the family during their darkest days.) But he did not become Matt Teague, which is an important distinction. “[Director] Gabriella Cowperthwaite asked that we not portray the personality traits of the real people. No accents, no mannerisms. [But] I did steal his style, because I had never seen someone nail the dad look any better than Matt. I say that with affection.”
As for the dreams Nicole gave up for her family, Affleck says, “If you were to ask Matt, I’m sure he would acknowledge that he was neglecting his role. He was neglecting her dreams, and that is a part of marriage, supporting what the other person wants. Like all relationships, it was complicated.”
Like life itself, really. This is why he can identify with both sides. He understands Nicole’s pain about the deference of her dreams as well as Matt’s desire to escape through travel — especially now, when Affleck himself has been completely grounded. Since the age of 17 he’s taken 20 cross-country road trips. His love of driving is secondary only to his enthusiasm for trains: Amtrak is his jam. He even fantasizes about owning his own train car one day.
Immersing himself in each location — whether it’s the sleepy Alabama town of Fairhope or the more exotic locale of Romania, which served as a stand-in for the East Coast of the U.S. in The World to Come — is actually one of the most desirable parts of the acting life, he says. “One of the things I love about working as an actor is that you go to some brand-new place and the community invites you in in a way that they don’t usually if you’re a tourist,” he confides. “You get to see what it’s like to really be there and imagine yourself living there.”
And he has — over the past ten years he’s spent so much time in cities including his hometown of Boston; Vancouver, British Columbia, the location of Light of My Life; Atlanta, where he shot the 2016 action flick Triple 9; Argentina, where he made Gerry; Dallas, for A Ghost Story; Calgary, Alberta, where much of the epic western The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford was filmed; Our Friend’s Fairhope set; Cincinnati, for The Old Man and the Gun; and Braddock, Pa., where he filmed the 2013 drama Out of the Furnace. “I have loved moving in and settling down and living a character’s life and then moving on. But I feel most at home in places that are struggling to get by. It reminds me of the neighborhood I grew up in. I feel lighter in those places, more relaxed. I feel like myself. I fit in.”
For him, the where is almost as important as the who — immersing himself in the place is imperative to understanding his character. This is part of what makes him such an accomplished actor — he and most of the parts he plays merge. I draw a crappy analogy about how the characters are like a coat, which he very obligingly works with. “You have to build the coat from all of the scraps and pieces of yourself; all these characters are made up of little pieces of me,” he says, noting, “Obviously, sometimes they can’t be. Sometimes I have no connection whatsoever, and those are the jobs I look back on and I either feel nothing for, or worse. But sometimes you have to take the job that is available, like most people in the world. You know? I don’t think my dad wanted to be a janitor. But he did it.”
He’s won an Oscar, a BAFTA, a Critics’ Choice Award, a Golden Globe and an Independent Spirit Award, among others, and appeared in films that run the gamut from box-office juggernauts like the Ocean’s 11 franchise and Tower Heist to indie darlings like brother Ben’s directorial debut Gone Baby Gone and Manchester by the Sea. He has even written and directed, most recently 2019’s Light of My Life, a bizarrely prescient movie about raising children in a pandemic. At this point in his career, he should have his pick of parts. “Not really,” he says. “There are a lot of people out there who have done good work, who are driven, and who have something to share. I have never been someone studios embraced as a ‘movie star,’ never knighted. I have always had to fight for the parts I have gotten. And you know what? That’s fine. Let me fight. It’s how I cut my teeth, and it is how I will keep them sharp. You can’t ask for more than a chance to be in the ring. Also, movies and TV aren’t all I care about. Sometimes I think, ‘Well, jeez, I have to work, and there are two jobs available to me, and the one that isn’t as good is the one that is close to home and I can see the kids, so I guess I am doing that.’ I love movies and really try hard to make them good. I really bust my ass every day when I get the chance to make one. I care more about my family than any movie. It’s not [always] the job I love, but this is the reality of my life. But maybe life will be long enough for a few more chapters.
The forward momentum of his future is an interesting topic. At the moment, he isn’t so much planning for the future as he is exploring it, because Affleck is not someone who likes to live with regret.
“I guess [at the end of the day], regret should be reframed as a reminder to be different,” he observes. And so, with this in mind, he embarked on a personal journey several years ago and decided to go back to college (at the Simon Fraser University in British Columbia). He had completed two years at Columbia University, but he never graduated — his film career kept getting in the way.
“I went back to school because I hadn’t finished, and I wanted to think about new things in a way that school can help you do,” he says. “I couldn’t go in person, so I found a strong online school and got started. You know, I’m 45, and I just thought, ’This is halftime. This is where you hit the locker room and think about how you want the rest of the game to go.’ You know what I mean? Like, ‘Okay, we went out, we played our best, we didn’t know what the other team was going to be like, we made some mistakes, we are in the game, so let’s adjust like this.’ Also, I’m not sure I want to be an actor forever. I had made a small pivot from acting into directing, and into producing more. And I like to direct movies. The most satisfying creative experience I’ve had in a long time was being a director. But ultimately it wasn’t quite enough. So I wanted to go study some of the things I was interested in. I wanted to do more with my life.”
Although he needed general credits to graduate, he found an unexpected passion for juvenile justice along the way, with a particular focus on alternative accountability programs. “I don’t know where this will lead me, or why I am so interested in it, but finding and implementing better systems for addressing harm and conflict among kids, adults too, but mostly young people, is something I care about. And the work that I have done so far has been fascinating and deeply rewarding.”
When I ask if this stems from his own experiences as a troubled kid growing up in Cambridge, Mass., with Christine, a single mom — his parents divorced when he was 9; his father, Timothy, an alcoholic tradesman, checked into a rehab facility in Indio, Calif., when Affleck was just 14 — he muses thoughtfully, “I love my parents and think they both did the very best they could and cared a lot. Period. Did I get into some trouble as a teenager? I got into some trouble when I was a kid, and I struggled a lot through high school with depression and substances, yes. Much of it I didn’t even know wasn’t normal. I don’t know if I was ‘troubled.’ Either way, as an adult, I’ve come to see that, regardless of how I compare to anyone else, I want less conflict in my life. That might be part of the reason why I’ve been so interested in learning about better ways of resolving conflicts, both with children and with grown-ups. It isn’t something they teach in school for some reason. Man, there is a lot they don’t teach you in school, huh? A lot you’ve got to learn on your own.”
And on this journey, mistakes will be made. That’s par for the course, and Affleck is no exception. “I have made so many mistakes, but life is the time for mistakes. I do believe people should hold themselves accountable and repair harm they have caused. That is important to me, and I try hard to do that whenever it is called for: apologize for mistakes and repair them,” he admits.
This is when our conversation, as such conversations are wont to do, comes full circle. Before we say goodbye, Affleck remarks, “You know, I heard Bono talking on Howard Stern’s show, and he said something about Frank Sinatra that was interesting. He said that he heard two versions of Frank singing ‘My Way.’ One version was recorded when Frank was young, and the other version was recorded when Frank was old. Each had the exact same words, same arrangement, same everything. But when Frank was young the line ‘I did it my way’ sounded proud, and when Frank was old it sounded humble. Whatever else time does to a person, I think it also does that.”
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The Joker x Reader - “The Cuddling Room”
“The Cuddling Room” is a unique idea Y/N came up with when her relationship with The Joker started to fall apart. The awesome plan worked for a while…until it didn’t. Maybe the sanctuary’s purpose wasn’t to mend the present, but to heal old wounds that will never fade unless given a chance.
The Joker walks the hallway leading to the kitchen, dreading the imminent reality: after another horrible fight last night, Y/N is probably gone. Terrible things were said in the hit of the moment and The King of Gotham abandoned the Penthouse, leaving a heartbroken girlfriend behind.
No texts and no phone calls; you are always the first one to reach out and J sort of got used to it. Since you didn’t bother to contact him at all, he assumed you had enough and left.
Nobody lasts in a relationship with The Joker anyway.
Why?
Because he “doesn’t do” relationships: The Clown Prince of Crime is truly clueless on how to handle them, especially when he actually likes someone. It’s a paradox he can’t escape: the more J tries to hold on, the more his urge to mess up exponentially increases.
He passes by the studio and can’t help but notice the flashy hand written sign hanging on the door: “The Cuddling Room.”
Lots of thumping sounds and the door is cracked opened: The Joker peeks inside only to see Y/N running around in order to finish the project she worked on for hours in his absence.
The small room is entirely remodeled: there are decorative lights dangling from the ceiling, candles and books scattered on the shelves, flowerpots plus a twin-size bed moved from storage courtesy of Frost and Shark.
“What are you doing?!” J crabbily mumbles, not that he would admit how relieved he feels you’re still on the premises.
“I’m not talking to you,” you pout and fluff the pillows.
“You just did,” he brings it to your attention, very intrigued while analyzing the surroundings. “What’s this supposed to be?!”
“Sanctuary,” the clarification briefs the puzzled Joker. “If we have an argument and things go downhill…” you take a deep, strenuous breath, “…and want to work it out, we can use this place. We can be mad and resentful, yet here we can be together without being together.”
“Huh?” J has a difficult time processing the peace offer because nobody else went through so much trouble for him before.
He’s just not worth it.
“The mattress is tiny; two people have to cuddle if they want to fit…That’s why it’s called the cuddling room,” you grouchily finish your speech.
You hear him huff and slam the door, meaning he’s dismissing your idea.
We’ll see how it goes, you sigh and grab a book, deciding to dwell into the newly transformed oasis.
About half an hour later, The Joker sneaks in and you completely ignore him. He took a shower, changed into a pair of sweatpants and decided to pop in for additional criticism that will promptly be addressed towards Y/N and her silly experiment.
The blinds are closed; the string lights and candles glowing in the darkness make the room very cozy: The Queen of Gotham reigns her minuscule kingdom quite relaxed after she lost hope The King will join.
He slowly drags his feet on the rug, adamant in not giving into the tempting thought of compromising for once; nevertheless he winds up in bed by a sulking girlfriend.
“Scoot,” J hisses and the reply clarifies your denial:
“I’m at the edge on my side.”
He groans, squirming to get comfortable and you snatch the cell phone out of his hand, hiding it under the cushions.
“No electronics!”
He puckers his lips, irritated.
“Excuse me?!”
“Read a book!” you cut him off.
The Joker is outraged at your behavior; he mutters several complaints that you disregard. You’re getting ready to turn the page and he protests:
“I’m not done!”
Apparently J is reading your book now.
“That’s crazy!” he scoffs at the story and elbows you.
You lastly turn the page and he continues to scan the novel until there are no more words: he passed out nuzzling to your shoulder; the lack of space gave him no other option, which is literally the point of Y/N’s attempt to save their affair.
You cover him with the blanket, annoyed he’s purring in his sleep; The Joker often does it when he’s totally carefree and you’re definitely jealous at his detachment from stuff that keeps you up at night.
He senses wiggling and wraps his left arm around your waist, a natural reaction to what he would usually do. Even if you’re aware he’s unconsciously responding to the closeness, you can’t resist the impulse: you slide on the pillows, touching his nose with yours.
“Mmm…” he moans, opening one eye. “What do you want?”
“Nothing,” you yawn and hesitantly kiss him, immediately smiling when he kisses you back.
“Then stop fidgeting and let me rest,” The Joker scolds without any trace of bitterness in his voice.
“I’m almost falling off the mattress,” you lie and don’t wait for an invitation to snuggle to his chest.
“Then got to the master bedroom,” the fussy Clown reprimands while holding you tighter.
“Maybe later…” you sniffle and stroke his hair, grateful your skills aiming at reconciliation are paying off.
*************
Your awesome plan worked for a while…then it didn’t.
Later in the year, succeeding another dreadful confrontation, J was a no show in The Cuddling Room for eight days in a row; he barely spoke to you and was gone most of the time. I guess that was his method of telling his woman it was over; she expected a bit more after 23 months of being part of The Joker’s life and his indifference hurt more than it should have.
One morning he came home and the view of suitcases piled up by the elevator made him frown.
“Y/N?...” he shouted and there was no reply.
J searched the Penthouse and found a teary Y/N boxing items she purchased to adorn the special haven that meant so much to her; might as well take them away since The Clown Prince of Crime had no need for such trivialities.
He watched you in silence, bothered to see the consequences of his actions: after struggling on a decision, The Joker was at last coming to use The Cuddling Room. Instead of disclosing his intentions, the opposite came out of his mouth:
“You finally got the hint?”
You grabbed the crate in a hurry and rushed outside the studio, not looking at him. He had no clue how deep of a wound he inflicted that day; The Joker should have put his wretched temper on hold and confess why he was there for.
But he couldn’t… To him, it was easier to end it.
So he let you go.
**************
It wasn’t easy to endure J’s presence at certain meetings you had to attend due to your involvement with the same entourage as his. God knows you had issues to get out of your chest, yet pretending to be fine suited you better. You mostly kept your distance, avoiding dialogue at all cost.
In a way, one could say he respected that: your ex didn’t attempt to chitchat either, especially when he realized you seemed happy when Tony Bianchi, everyone’s favorite smuggler developed an interest in you.
For several months you two would show up everywhere and soon after the engagement ring on your finger got rumors circulating, The Joker and the rest of the world noticed the baby bump too. Although it wasn’t a secret you were dating Tony and accepted his marriage proposal, you maintained your private life off radar.
The reason was plain and simple: besides your tumultuous relationship with J, the new found love appeared to be a walk in the park; you didn’t have to resort to extreme lengths in order to keep things afloat. You and your fiancée worked together in fixing problems that would seldom arise because that’s what couples do: if they want to thrive, they will find the middle ground. Y/N didn’t feel she was alone against the odds; having a suitable partner was her special paradise and she fully enjoyed the opportunity of being cherished like she deserved.
How life works it’s a real mystery: some facts can’t be explained, others happen for a reason and just a handful are the universe’s manner of rebalancing events that should have occurred differently due to stupid human errors, even if changing the final result meant to destroy and rebuild from scratch.
To this day, The Joker perfectly remembers his heart stopped at 6:37am on September 23rd ; he was cruising in the back of his favorite SUV, still sleepy and discontent for the emergency meeting requested by a few business partners at such an early hour. J didn’t know the reason why but agreed to go; Frost was on the phone trying to find out more details and Panda was driving as smooth as possible, not wishing to aggravate his boss more than necessary.
The King of Gotham was kind of dozing off when Jonny finished his phone conversation and got his attention:
“Sir…”
“Mmm?...” he lifted his nonexistent eyebrows and made an effort to gather his thoughts.
“Tony Bianchi was murdered last night, the victim of a home invasion, possibly a score settling with the deceased. The allies want to meet and assess the damage since everyone constantly invests huge amounts of money with the smuggler. Now that he’s history, they’re not sure who’ll replace him.”
The Joker’s heart stopped.
“And Y/N?” he flatly asked, allegedly composed for the shocking blow; after all, inquiring about his former girlfriend might have been perceived as weakness and he had none.
“I guess she wasn’t home.”
The Clown hummed incomprehensible sentences, calculating how much venue he might have lost in the messy situation. He didn’t allow himself to admit to the obvious truth: once he heard Y/N wasn’t dead, his heart started beating again.
***************
Three months following Tony’s death, J had the chance of an encounter with you and to classify it as awkward wouldn’t do that evening any justice.
Richard aka Panda was finishing his cigarette behind “Neon Devil” club, when the bouncers engaged into an escalating confrontation got his attention; he was preparing to take over Nixon’s shift as main security for the back entrance and had to check in anyway.
“The club is closed; are you deaf?” one of the guys pushed the lady on the sidewalk and she almost fell.
“Is Tony here?” the seven month pregnant Y/N insisted, getting ready to stroll into the place.
“Let me repeat myself!” another guard shouted. “We have no Tony working here, capisci?! What the hell is wrong with you? Are you on drugs?!”
“I have to see if he’s in there,” you passed your fingers through your hair, visibly distressed.
“Are you kidding me?!” Mike grumbled, fed up with the crazy babbling. “You have five seconds to scram, understand?! Five, four …”
“What’s going on?” Richard approached and recognized you instantly.
“She keeps on asking about a Tony; we told her we have nobody with that name employed here but this wacko doesn’t get it!” Nixon reported.
“I know her so back the fuck out!” Panda threatened the newbies that had no idea who you were. He took your arm and guided you inside, making you sit in the lobby while he called his boss.
“Mister Joker, Y/N’s here,” Richard announced before taking you to the VIP room.
“Huh?”
“Ummm… she’s here looking for…e-hem…Tony. Can I bring her up or should I take her home?”
Long moments of silence and J made his decision:
“Bring her up.”
You were accompanied upstairs and Panda helped you settle on the couch opposite The Clown’s while he quietly analyzed you: he could tell that something was off. Your cheeks were flushed and you nervously played with your t-shirt, the dark circles under your eyes bearing witness to the numerous sleepless nights tolerated in the past weeks.
The rumor was you suffered a nervous breakdown and had this recurring “episodes” consisting of wandering off to familiar places in search of your departed fiancée. The pregnancy made it impossible for you to use any medications that could have aided with your frail mental state; counselling and therapy could only accomplished that much and The Joker could entirely observe the transformation in the woman he once dated.
“Is…is Tony here?” you whispered, investigating the room.
“Nope. Didn’t see him in a while.”
“I don’t know where he is...” the tears rolled down your face. “I can’t find him…”
“Jesus…” The King of Gotham mumbled under his breath. “How’d you get here?” he crossed his legs and caught you ogling the food: J craved Thai and immediately changed his mind as soon as the courier arrived.
“I…I took a cab and then… then… walked,” you seemed confused and he slid the foam container on the coffee table, making it easy for the future mother.
“Are you hungry?”
Y/N nodded a yes and The Joker examined her scarfing down the freshly cooked dish, still warm since the restaurant wasn’t far from the club. You kept sobbing and chewing, wiping your tears from time to time.
“Here’s some water,” he opened a small bottle and offered it to his grieving ex: she was definitely famished.
J sighed and reached for his cell phone, dialing Soraya’s number: she was appointed to take over for Tony because you were in no shape to do so.
“Are you missing a valuable member of your crew?” he barked when she answered.
“Oh my God Mister J, please tell me Y/N’s with you!”
“She is.”
“Thank heavens! We’ve been seeking for her: she had an ultrasound this morning and vanished from the doctor’s office afterwards,” the agitated 50 years old brings to The King’s knowledge. “I’ll send a car to pick her up.”
“No need to,” he interrupted her tirade. “I got it.”
J hung up and patiently waited for you to finish eating: since you were wearing your maternity jeans plus a basic t-shirt, he clearly noticed the baby moving under the thin fabric. It was slightly fascinating and weirdly enough not a dull spectacle.
“Come on, I’ll give you a ride home,” he uttered and you stood up, eager to comply:
“Is Tony there?”
The Joker said nothing; he escorted you to one of the vehicles stationed in the underground parking lot and dodged your questions regarding the assassinated smuggler.
He kept navigating the streets until he realized why you quit talking: Y/N loved car rides and completely crashed after scarcely napping in the last months.
The green haired man has always been a reckless driver, yet he didn’t speed nor take sharp turns with you in the passenger’s seat.
The traffic was harrowing and he just calmly went with the flow instead of having a tantrum; such a rare occurrence that he managed to stay cool. J was practically at your house when he switched the plan: he turned the signal on and took a right, skeptical about his own judgement.
************
You slowly blink, adjusting your eyes to the decorative lights hanging from the ceiling.
“Where am I?...” you toss in the small bed, disoriented and groggy after snoozing for 10 hours straight.
The electronic clock on the wall near the windows show 5 am; which windows though?... They don’t resemble the ones at your house, but somehow summon past memories: a few candles, scattered books on the shelves, flowerpots… and the handwritten sign you scribbled almost three years ago pinned on the wide opened door: “The Cuddling Room.”
You touch your tummy and get on your elbow; the little unborn girl keeps kicking and you moan in pain at the splitting headache menacing to burst full throttle in the next minutes.
“It’s fine sweet pea,” you caress your bump and contemplate the peaceful environment, frowning when you discover The Joker gazing at you from the recliner.
“Hi,” he sucks on his teeth for the lack of a better tactic.
“Why am I here?!” you grow exponentially alarmed at the baffling reality: shit, it’s The Penthouse. Not that you recall how you got here; last evening is an absolute blur.
The Joker lifts his shoulders up, not possessing a logic rationalization himself.
“I don’t like this place,” you struggle to stand up, more and more upset at the idea you were brought up to a spot you hate without your consent.
“I do,” J serenely admits. “It’s calming.”
“Why is this stuff still here?!” your bottom lip quivers at the sight of everything you left behind when you vacated the premises in a hurry.
“I didn’t have time to clean.”
“Really?!” you start crying and accomplish to roll off the bed.
“I’m a busy individual,” he watches you stumble on the carpet and rushed to help. You reject his assistance, bothered he dares taking such liberties:
“Please don’t touch me!!”
J halts his movement, receptive to your demand; he’s aware of your precarious relation and it makes him grasp the basic notion: bringing you to The Penthouse was a huge mistake.
“I have to go home,” you sniffle and stomp around him. “I need to find Tony.”
“You won’t find him…” The Joker bites his lip.
Y/N ends up in front of her former boyfriend and the hurt look on her face accentuates the sorrowful plea:
“Why would you say something like that?...”
“You know why… He’s gone,” J growls and surprisingly regrets his words when you collapse on your knees, bawling your eyes out at the cruel statement. Unfortunately it’s true also.
On the good days you remember and the person to remind you shouldn’t be the man that shattered your heart to pieces with his indifference; he shouldn’t have the privilege of harming you again.
Yet The Joker doesn’t appear to be overjoyed at his accomplishment; he frankly wasn’t aiming for a meltdown.
He lowers his body next to yours, attempting to hug you; you keep on pushing him away until he finally mutters:
“I didn’t mean it… alright? I didn’t mean it,” he forcefully holds you as you squirm to escape the unwelcomed intimacy. “I’m trying to apologize, ok?!” he raises his voice and reaffirms: “I didn’t mean to say it!”
You dig your nails in his shirt, not used to hear such compromising sentences from his part.
How you longed for him to give you a small token of his affection when you were together; why doing it now when it’s pointless?
J takes advance of Y/N lowered resistance and squeezes her closer, pleased that she gradually lets him embrace her without fighting his grip. It’s strange for this to happen in the tiny sanctuary that meant hope for them many years ago.
Maybe because The Cuddling Room’s purpose is not to mend the past, but to heal old wounds that will never fade unless given a chance.
Also read: MASTERLIST
You can also follow me on Wattpad and AO3 under the same blog name: Diyunho.
#the joker x reader#the joker fanfiction#the joker imagine#the joker jared leto#the joker suicide squad#joker#joker fanfiction#joker imagines#joker jared leto#joker suicide squad#mister j#Mistah J#dc#dcu
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“Life at The Ancestral Manor”
Summary: Griffin wanted to share her future with Valtor but in agreeing to give him her life she also agreed to give it to the way things happen in his home of tradition that his mothers are making sure will be upheld. Can she hope that relationship will be allowed to grow and develop when she needs to put her everything into surviving each day they try to make her something that she’s not?
Mentions of death, murder, self-mutilation, arson, cults, coma, physical and emotional abuse, parental abuse, sex, sex toys, not consented to stop of birth control, alcohol abuse, cooking deer meat in detail (which was oddly disgusting to me so...) and strong language. Also, there are mentions of Bloom x Darkar and Bloom's portrayal isn't very flattering although it is just a reimagined version of the events in canon (plus, a few details that weren't there).
I had the mighty need to see Griffin and Valtor living with the Ancestral Witches for some reason the other day and I set out to write it. Well, this is what came of it. A lot of super fucked up stuff because it is the Ancestral Witches. Also, it is super long again because, of course, it is.
"That was delicious, Griffin," Valtor praised as he wiped his mouth with his napkin after he was done with his French toast.
Griffin smiled at him gently as she was careful not to let any venom seep out of her and poison him. "I'm glad you liked it." At least he appreciated all of her efforts. She was an early bird but that didn't make her love the fact that she had to rush to the kitchen and get started on breakfast instead of curling up into Valtor's side and greeting him with a kiss when he woke up. Of course, she didn't have to when there were people she could fall back on to do it for her but that meant never being allowed in the kitchen again and she'd fought too hard to earn her own agency of choice to let that happen.
"It certainly exceeds a number of other meals I've had," Belladonna said, her voice smooth like the surface of ice under your fingertips and just as cold, killing the compliment before it could even turn into such.
Griffin forced the smile to keep stretching her facial muscles when her mother-in-law's golden eyes found hers despite the discomfort that caused her. That was as much as she could hope to get from the woman who killed animals in cold blood for fun and had taught Valtor to do it, too. Or rather it was all she hoped there would be to her condescension.
"Rather simple, but we all have to resign to the limitations when you have to do it all yourself," Belladonna continued, making Griffin let the breath she was holding out of her nose as slowly and inconspicuously as she let her own pride slip out of her hands and shatter on the floor without even a sound to mourn its pitiful end. She couldn't make a scene at breakfast. It would just ruin her whole day when they made it their mission to make it hell. "I don't understand why you insist on doing it when the help is right here to do it for you but it is your choice and we all respect that," Belladonna kept stuffing ice cubes in her heart to make it freeze over like her own and have water flowing in her veins instead of blood. Even all the tea in the world couldn't warm her now and it was just Valtor's warm presence at her side that kept her from dying in the embrace of the hypothermia that was her mother-in-law's weapon of choice.
"I enjoy it, Mother Belladonna," Griffin said, her voice cutting lines in the thin ice separating her from the freezing water below that she was skating on. She could let her righteous anger sharpen her as much as she wanted as she tried to cling on to everything she loved and not let it sink in the cold indifference that was being forced on her but there was no escape from her frozen prison when Belladonna was taking away all of her sources of joy with ease as the fight was on her territory.
She couldn't help but catch Lysslis' smile of belittlement when it was designed to draw her attention to her and get in her head where it would start taking apart who she was to make space for who they wanted her to be. She'd need all that luck Zarathustra had wished her when she and Ediltrude had learned the three witches were to be her mothers-in-law. Having to force herself to cook every day because she would lose her kitchen privileges otherwise was draining every spark of happiness she was getting from the activity already but she wouldn't let them win. It had barely been half a year after she and Valtor had gotten married in the dead of winter and she still had more fight in her even if the heat of summer was not helping when she was home from school and trapped in their killer company.
"Simplicity is trending right now so if anything, Griffin is just staying up-to date, mother," Valtor took her side–quite literally as they were sitting opposite of his mothers at the long table in the dining room–and she would kiss him if she could. Currently though, she couldn't even catch his hand under the tablecloth since his mothers were watching them restlessly like the stars never stopped looking over all of the planets and they would see it instantly which would just pose a problem to the two of them as the three old hags didn't approve of witnessing displays of affection.
They didn't approve of affection in general and had only taken her as a daughter-in-law after DNA tests that had confirmed a child of hers and Valtor's would have an excellent genetic makeup making her nauseous in the process as they'd erased her humanity with one quick swipe over her being. The tests and the fact that she had golden eyes like all the other women of the Ancestral Manor. She'd literally been picked for her body and it had felt like she'd entered medieval times instead of her new life as Valtor's bride. But if anything, it had only stated loudly how much she loved him to go through all of that and be with him. Even his mothers had looked impressed by her determination and hadn't even allowed themselves to insinuate she was a gold-digger.
"Of course, she is," Tharma said, her voice crackling like static like it always did. She always felt like she was about to explode and Griffin was pretty sure that it was like that because that was exactly what was happening. The woman–Griffin would only truly believe any one of them was human when she saw their corpses since none of them seemed to have aged for the past twenty-five years which might have just traumatized Valtor more with the promise of their curse hanging over his head for an undetermined amount of time–didn't even have the proverbial short fuse and could self-detonate on the spot if it weren't for her sisters to keep her collected with their icy gazes and creeping terror. "That is what has kept this family afloat for centuries and every member needs to keep to it." Meaning that they would throw her out the moment she couldn't catch up with their impossible standards.
"Yes, mother," Valtor said, the response automatic at this point but that didn't seem to upset any of his mothers. It seemed to please them rather–nothing better than turning your child into a robot keeping to your every command–and win Valtor and her the opportunity to focus on each other for the time being. "What are you doing today?" Valtor asked, pulling her away from the dreadful reality of their presence and into what was left of her own life, of their life.
He always cared and stopped to ask how she was doing even when his mothers had already piled two hundred other more pressing things on his shoulders. Although, in their eyes everything was more pressing than love and it was a joke when that included "the family reputation" when they didn't even have a definition of family. And if they did, it was distorted by all the shards of cold that were the only remains of their souls.
"Ediltrude and Zarathustra are coming over so... trying to stay sober would be a good start," she said, doing her damnedest to keep her eyes on him and not on the warped reflections of them that his mothers' gazes were when they shared the same eye color but the emotions that came through in the gold were vastly different.
She hated herself for slipping into the anxiousness their presence loaded her with like she was nothing more than yet another weapon they could yield to hurt him like they'd done their whole life by turning what he loved against him and making him hate it. They would interfere anyway so she had to make the most of it and focus on him. Him and what the day had to offer once she managed to free herself from the net of their scrutiny.
"You know how hard it is to refuse Ediltrude to drink with her." Valtor and Ediltrude had hit it off that first Christmas and she'd never gotten to meet his mothers at the appointed Christmas dinner which had given her one last holiday free of their presence but there'd been retribution from them towards Valtor that had kept him from seeing her as well. "Even when it's eleven a.m." That wasn't going to be her saving grace either and she could only hope for a miracle to keep the alcohol away from her and Ediltrude away from it.
"I'm sorry, dear," or a curse, "but you're going to have to reschedule," Lysslis grabbed at the chance to ruin her plans so viciously that it was bleeding toxic glue on her to get her stuck in the place they wanted her, in their own garden of misery they'd personally grown just for her in some sort of sick gift that did everything for them and nothing for her. Nothing good that was. "Today will not be possible," Lysslis said and Griffin was surprised she'd given her the opportunity to speak a few sentences before she'd let her own tongue slither out. But of course, that way it was Griffin's words that ripped into her when she'd allowed herself to believe she could have something her way in the home from hell.
"I thought you didn't have any urgent work today, Mother Lysslis," Griffin let herself play dumb when she'd double checked with their personal assistant. Mandragora was an oversized pest that completely deserved her name when she started screeching the moment someone who wasn't her bosses poked her the wrong way–or any way, really–but she wouldn't allow herself to lie to her if it concerned her and her mothers-in-law's dealings did since they insisted on holding all their meetings at the mansion as if offices didn't exist. But apparently they weren't too old to retire but were too old to work outside the mansion.
"Exactly," Belladonna said and Griffin could only hate herself for how helpless she was against the way her blood froze at a single word from the woman. "There will be nothing to distract us from the presence of your mismatched friends," she said and Griffin couldn't even draw in all the breath she needed when the ice needles of Belladonna's gaze on her would poke holes in her lungs if she allowed them to expand past their normal movements. "I will never understand how someone with your poise and grace can stand to be around people who are so... unrefined."
The trap clicked closed, holding both her heart and her tongue and threatening to pluck them out if she dared let them run free but she couldn't just keep sitting obediently like a dog while Belladonna threw insults of her friends in her face like they were treats she'd deserved for good behavior. She had to stand up for herself and her friendship.
"That's okay," she let the honey drip from her lips sweet like a topping they'd all hopefully choke on to go with her steely gaze that would've cut through anyone else but only had the ice of Belladonna's biting back into it in a warning that was more a red flag rather than a courtesy even if her rage was already burning white hot and Griffin hadn't even started. "You're busy figuring out so many other things. We've got this one covered for you, Mother Belladonna," Griffin said, looking right into the molten abyss that her mother-in-law's eyes were as if it wasn't absolutely suicidal and wouldn't doom her to a terribly agonizing death. But she needed to let her know just what she meant with that.
Belladonna had just sisters and a son she'd done her best to break and mold according to her own vision while Griffin had the twins who were her sisters in everything but blood and her husband she loved enough to accept even as he came packaged with three sociopaths because that was what love was. But of course, there was no way for Belladonna to know that when all her friends were fake and the best she could hope for after her own husband's death–or murder–were the business partners who only stayed in contact with her out of obligation. She was sure no one would stick around which just posed the question how genuine any sisterhood between her mothers-in-law was. And they could all hear it echoing loudly around them even if Belladonna would love to crush it under a block of ice just like she'd handle her.
"Speaking of meetings," Lysslis saved her–not before Belladonna made it clear that had Griffin been anyone else other than Valtor's wife, she would've stuffed her in the fridge and served her in small pieces at her annual reception celebrating the foundation of the family business year after year so the guests would be infected with her agony for life even if they wouldn't know it–although they definitely weren't speaking of meetings but rather of a killing match at this point but Griffin wasn't quick to relax before she learned the price of the little miracle she'd let her have. "I will have you inviting your mother to come shopping with us next Saturday," she was quick to inform her what suffering she'd traded her current predicament for and her tone was so casual as she knew she'd set it up perfectly to make Griffin sacrifice what little time she actually got to spend with Valtor in the name of an activity she hated even when she was with her friends. Of course, she'd pick Saturday even when they could go shopping literally any other day of the week.
"Of course, Mother Lysslis," she agreed so readily that it made her sick of her own pretense. Or rather the lack of such when she knew she didn't have any other choice but to leave herself at Lysslis' hands now since Belladonna was still mad at her and Tharma was normally angry on a good day and neither of them would hold back Lysslis' wrath was Griffin to unleash it. All she had left was to hope she'd manage to stand her ground while going around stores that were far off from the plane of existence of a high school teacher since they'd let up a bit on trying to dictate her choice of clothes after the preventive measures she'd taken in regards to that. "If I may ask who "us" includes so that my invitation will be the most accurate version of itself?" Griffin prodded carefully even when she knew that kind of sneakiness would never work with Lysslis.
"The three of us, you and your mother, of course," Lysslis said, the metallic rays of her mind piercing through Griffin's heart easily when it was so softened by the hope she'd let fill it that she'd only have to stand straight under the burden of Lysslis' cunning and manipulations.
Great. It was bad enough when she was being buried under all the insecurities Lysslis managed to dig out without even damaging her manicured nails in any way to get her to bend to her will. Having all three of them against her when they made her head spin with how fast they had her in and out of different outfits was a battle she wasn't sure she'd be able to win even with her mother by her side.
History was more Valtor's area of expertise but she could find herself in need of turning to it and making it repeat. They'd left her alone the previous time when she'd set the wardrobe on fire–all the clothes they'd bought that afternoon had been lost by the time Mike had arrived with his firemen and she'd only mourned the money that had been wasted instead of going towards something productive–and they hadn't tried to order her around directly after that. They'd instead taken a stealthier approach, mostly leaving Lysslis to handle her by fishing out her fears with her teeth hidden behind the warpaint that her blood red lipstick was.
She used them to decorate her attitude of supremacy while she decorated Griffin however she wanted to when the shadows she'd grown in her mind were twisting and turning it as they tried to snap it in half and Griffin was too busy trying to free herself from them to have any energy left to spare on keeping Lysslis out of her head as well. There was no way she could handle all three of them when they sank their claws in her and tried to rip her apart to stuff the pieces of her in whatever clothes they deemed appropriate. So another arson might be due. Even if the only reason Tharma hadn't slapped her for endangering the mansion had been that Valtor had stepped in front of her and gotten slapped himself.
Despite their constant verbal abuse and mind games, they'd never allowed themselves physical violence before that. And after it, too, as Tharma had spent the next week suspended in her room and the glaring empty space on Belladonna's right had somehow only reinforced the idea that she was an all-powerful monster not to be messed with. The lack of reaction on Valtor's part towards the bruise forming on his cheek had been what had made her break down in their bedroom, though, and lament her choice until he'd picked her up and carried her to the bed where he'd told her to never stop defending her agency when it wasn't her that was hurting him. It had never been. And she'd worn his fierce love of her like her armor against Lysslis' attempts to convince her that it was all her fault.
It had worked that time. She could only hope it would work again even if that left her heart too malleable and easy to manipulate.
"It would be nice to spend some time with her," Lysslis said and Griffin would have been afraid of how easily the lie dripped from her lips if she weren't used to it. In fact, assuming that everything that came out of her mouth was a lie was the best way to deal with Lysslis and avoid falling for her traps. It might have been unfair if it weren't true ninety-nine percent of the time and the fact that even Tharma and Belladonna were mindful of her and double checked her story when she'd done something on her own just confirmed that. "We haven't seen good old Emalyn in so long," Lysslis shook her head as if in regret. And perhaps it was.
Perhaps it was regret that they had to socialize with a lowly middle class retired nursery teacher. Emalyn was everything that they weren't and knowing Griffin carried her genes was only looked over because the DNA tests overrode it in importance by proving that those were the perfect genes to combine with Valtor's and somehow that made Griffin's genetic makeup desirable all of a sudden.
And to call her mother old as if they weren't ancient even though they didn't look the part? That was an insult Griffin would never swallow if her mom hadn't warned her not to get into fights with her mothers-in-law on her behalf after they'd made a remark about taking all the expenses on the wedding since, apparently, Emalyn and that dead husband of hers were no good to even pay for their daughter's wedding–which had been far bigger and much more expensive than Griffin had ever wanted it to be but she'd had no say on the matter as they'd insisted that a new marriage in the family had to be a public affair–and Griffin had been ready to rip they heads off. Emalyn had stopped her, though, and reminded her that it would only hurt herself and Valtor and her mom could never want that for them which had proven that she was the only mother either of them had despite allegedly having four.
Griffin mirrored that smile Lysslis gave guests when she wanted them to know that all that they were was met with contempt. She'd learned how to reflect it even if some of the effect was lost when she could never hope to have been capable of pulling it off without seeing it first. "I'm sure she shares the sentiment." She most certainly did considering the depth of the resentment thriving in the shade of the words.
"Now that that's settled," Tharma stepped in and drew her attention away from where Lysslis looked proud that Griffin had picked something up from her instead of being offended, "we can talk about dinner."
"Is there anything special you would like for dinner, Mother Tharma?" Griffin asked, her stomach trying to do a somersault that would send all of the food she'd just ingested back up her throat to make space for whatever Tharma would want of her now but Griffin held it back. She couldn't let them now she got sick whenever they made their requests that ranged from mildly offensive through awful to horrendous. Especially when she was sure they suspected. She couldn't give them the confirmation herself.
"Valtor will have some good news for us tonight so I thought we should celebrate," Tharma said and Griffin did her best not to clutch at her fork since she was pretty sure she would snap it in half even if it was solid stainless steel. Which was exactly the same reason that she didn't try to catch Valtor's hand to help him drain off some of the pressure Tharma had just piled on his shoulders if there hadn't been enough of that already. "And a special occasion calls for a special meal, doesn't it?" Tharma asked as if they were kindergartners whose brains hadn't developed enough yet to make a simple connection if it weren't pointed out to them. And also to let the dread set deep inside Griffin's body when she'd most certainly have her cooking some animal they had caught.
"You know that Argulus is our best client so you need to be at the top of your game," Belladonna reminded Valtor as if he hadn't been working at the company ever since he'd turned eighteen. By now he would have most certainly learned that even if his mind weren't as sharp as the diamonds they were selling but she just had to nag as if Valtor hadn't renegotiated contract terms with Argulus before. They were practically friends and even if loyalties weren't really a thing in their business, she was sure that Argulus would at least try to resolve any potential issue before going elsewhere for his precious diamonds.
"Yes, mother," Valtor agreed, his tone snappy when his patience was starting to give way under their distrust in him even after they'd stolen his youth and replaced it with preparations to become the head of the business and he'd been doing the job for years. "I always am." Valtor seemed to have had the exact same thought and she wanted to smile at them sharing a mind but that would be misplaced and would most certainly get stained by his mothers' intolerance of their happiness if they saw it. And they would.
"Hardly true half of the time," Lysslis was quick to cut off his unexpected bout of confidence like it was a flower she'd decided to pluck off for decoration of her table. Except she didn't like flowers and it had been completely unnecessary, not to mention far heavier a crime when it was her own son she'd hurt. But of course, she only cared about that in a backwards fashion where she was prouder when the damage she'd done was bigger.
Griffin had to do something since she couldn't watch him like that. He already looked like a sunflower that had withered prematurely and she needed to stop them before they could do more damage. Even if it meant drawing their attention to herself.
"I can cook his favorite-"
"Roast leg of venison," Tharma interrupted her before she could even suggest that she did something her husband would enjoy even if the dinner was supposed to celebrate his success and the order was clear in the tone that allowed no objections. Not that she could have any–as much as she hated to admit it–since they certainly knew their game better than she did. She wouldn't be caught dead going near the stuff if they weren't making her. "Sliced venison tongue salad as an appetizer and venison liver crème caramel for dessert will complete the menu to perfection," Tharma said, looking at her like she expected her to throw up on the spot. Which, frankly, sounded like an appealing option.
"Yes, of course, Mother Tharma," Griffin agreed as she did her best to hold in her disgust–especially when it came to the dessert idea–but she might have started turning green since Tharma looked pleased. Though, that might have been how quickly she'd relented when she knew she didn't have an alternative. She rarely had any other option but to do as they wished. As if they were giving her the occasional treat for being such a well-trained lapdog and if the cooking adventures that awaited her hadn't made her sick already, then that thought was certainly helping.
"Valtor, don't forget there's also a delivery coming in today," Tharma turned to him, a look of warning striking him to remind him it was all very secretive and had to remain that way. Which was why the deliveries were made directly to Valtor's office and personally to him instead of to the house where either the personnel or a random guest could get their hands on the forbidden knowledge of what was in Tharma's box. Well, the deliveries were for all the three witches.
"Don't worry, mother, your products are in good hands," Valtor allowed himself the indiscretion which to Griffin was amusing but Tharma didn't seem to appreciate the threat of having the insides of her words exposed even if it was too late for that. Valtor had already told Griffin it was their ozone cosmetics that were proving to be the fountain of their youth. That and the countless souls they chewed on slowly year after year and consumed the energy of everyone around them to sustain themselves. The perfect crime indeed. "Have I ever forgotten before?" Valtor asked and she had to catch his hand to let him know she was proud of his continuing bravery after they chewed into him every time he displayed it. She couldn't care less that they'd notice. Let them see.
"Of course not, Valtor," Tharma seemed to agree which meant that there was more. "You'd never fail to listen when I remind you." There it was. And of course, she'd steal everything he deserved the credit for. They weren't just energy vampires. They sucked out entire lives and they'd been doing that to Valtor under the guise of raising him ever since he'd been born.
"Go now," Belladonna urged, her gaze cutting into the space between the two of them to indicate that she was in a rush to separate them. Heaven forbid they actually got to enjoy any of their time together when they weren't locked in their own bedroom.
"Yes, mother," Valtor didn't try to protest since it would only get them both snowed in under an avalanche of critiques and he wanted to save them from that. "Have a nice day," he barely spared at his mothers before turning to her. "Goodbye, Griffin," he said as he made sure to catch her gaze and let her know how much he loved her since saying it out loud would only draw the dirt of their disapproval to it. "Make the best of the day," he said since he knew very well that she much preferred to be at work instead of stuck at home with his mothers all day–he'd been through that hell and knew it even better than she did–and kissed her cheek, his lips letting so much tenderness soak into her skin even though the contact was brief.
"Have a nice day yourself," Griffin wished as she squeezed his hand. She knew how much he overworked himself when she was the one massaging all the stress out of his stiff muscles every evening while his mothers were resting all their burden on his shoulders.
"Well, now it will be," Valtor squeezed back to let her know he'd gotten the message. "Even if it doesn't want to," he said before letting go.
Griffin smiled at the optimism that needed just a ray of encouragement to come out from under the years of trauma and bad experiences his so called family had buried it under and completely on purpose at that. But they hadn't managed to smother it in all the cold they'd given him instead of oxygen. It was still there and she was ready to shine on it with all of her love to see it grow and reach for the cosmos since it was strong enough to do that. Especially with her faith in him to support it.
"You should start on dinner, Griffin," Belladonna said, her cold breath making the surface of Griffin's eyes freeze over to keep the sight of Valtor's retreating back out of them and it sent chills down her spine.
"Of course, Mother Belladonna," Griffin agreed and quickly slipped out of her chair and towards the kitchen. She didn't have to object when she was perfectly content with finally being out of their sight as their eyes were like molten lava just waiting to erupt and swallow her to bury her in a cage of obsidian. Even the nightmare waiting for her in the kitchen was a better option than that.
Once in the kitchen–that was suspiciously empty even though there was always personnel in there but, of course, they wouldn't let her have any help when they'd set out to torture her–Griffin made it her first order of business to pull a deer leg out of one of the freezers. They should have probably been kept in a different space altogether considering there were a lot of them–and all were full of hunting game–but her mothers-in-law liked to keep their trophies nearby. And in this particular instance it made her job easier since she only had to get the meat to the table where she could leave it to thaw while she looked for recipes.
She was no expert on cooking meat and the one time she'd cooked deer meat, all three old hags had complained it was overcooked and stiff. She could ask them on how she was supposed to cook what they wanted but after the humiliating experience of having them lecturing her about it the previous time even though they hadn't cooked a thing in their lives and the kitchen was her territory but they'd still trumped her when they knew how well cooked venison was supposed to look and taste, she would sooner die than let them coach her again. Which would still happen if she didn't pull the three-course dinner off so she needed to do her research. Fortunately, that was when the internet came to her rescue.
Of course, they'd give her tasks that would send all of her day to hell. The total time she'd need for all the dishes if she decided to cook them separately was about nine hours which would still leave it ready in time for dinner but would make her unwilling to set foot in the kitchen ever again which would mean that they'd won. So multitasking it was.
That would have been much easier if she was actually acquainted with cooking any of those dishes and also didn't prefer to cut out their tongues and cook them instead of the deer tongues she was left with even though they still made for a better company than her mothers-in-law. Not to mention that the leg she'd gotten was too big for the recipe she'd found and she needed to switch it with a smaller one. At least the kitchen was well stocked so she had the ramekins she needed for the crème caramel. Products and utensils were not the problem, really. No, what was the problem was that it was all set up against her.
The crème caramel was the cherry on top truly since they knew desserts were her pride and specialty and were doing their best to turn that against her. Succeeding, too, unlike her who wasn't even given the chance to come out of that fight victorious since, apparently, the liver for the crème should have been soaked in milk from the previous evening. They were setting her up for failure and she was starting to lose it long before she'd made it to any of the actual cooking.
She considered calling her mom but that would definitely fall under procrastinating. Especially when she went on a long rant about how unfair all of it was even though she'd known it would be like that when she'd said "I do" to Valtor. Besides, there was enough time to call her after she was done with that cooking disaster to proceed to the shopping disaster that was showing on the horizon like an antipode to the sunrise she loved dearly.
She had to call the twins to tell them not to come and, hopefully, convince them to stay on the phone with her and keep her company while she cooked even if distractions could prove to be counterproductive. It was the only way for her to handle what was supposed to be one of her favorite activities and she could only count on their love for her to override the fact that she was going to wake them up at least an hour earlier before they would get up now that it was summer vacation. But she needed them to keep her sane like they'd done when her father had died.
Griffin shook her head to make the horrifying memories drop out of it and shatter against the floor as she called Zarathustra. It was the lesser evil since she was probably awake but still doing her best to catch a wink of sleep anyway and could spare Ediltrude the early awakening and Griffin her sister's wrath for the aforementioned crime.
She held her breath as the phone rang and it was yet another reminder that her dear mothers-in-law were killing her but she pushed the thought down to suffocate instead of her. The universe seemed merciful at least in that regard as Zarathustra picked up and even though the call ended up waking Ediltrude, they both agreed to stay on the phone with her and talk since their meeting was so rudely canceled.
"They really denied us access to the sacred ground?" Zarathustra asked, her disbelief far too real considering she knew how the three witches operated but that just made Griffin love her more and be that much more grateful that her friends were so genuine and never made her wonder whether they truly liked her or were just faking it. She could count on them to take up any problem with her they had to her and it was the most comforting thought at the moment. "That is so disgustingly privileged." Zarathustra scoffed and Griffin could practically hear the disdain forming curses in her head over the speaker phone.
"Believe me, I know," Griffin huffed. "This is my home, too, and I should be able to invite my closest people here," she said, still somewhat surprised that she could think of the mansion as home when she hated so much about it. But it was Valtor's home, the only home he'd ever known, and he'd told her that her presence made it livelier when there were more plants around and the aroma of oregano tea and cookies was luring towards the kitchen. She wanted to be where he was and be his home, and have him be hers, too. "But no, our friendship will sully their décor, I suppose," Griffin said, nearly grateful for the rage over their treatment of her relationships as it would help her get through the meat. Quite literally since she needed to make holes in the leg for the garlic cloves.
"Griff, they're just trying not to go broke since they'll need to restock their liquor cabinet after me and trust me, that shit is expensive as hell," Ediltrude joked, trying to brighten her mood since she could most certainly feel the energy vibrating and brewing inside her even through the phone.
It was enough to scald a normal person but there was no one who fit the description around since her friends were on the other end of the line–and also disaster personified so they were safe on all accounts–the personnel was gone and her mothers-in-law were ancient demons Valtor's father had somehow managed to summon from hell. Most certainly by mistake or ignorance. Nobody would want to be married to a monster like any one of them as Lysslis' husband had proven as he'd filed for divorce just a week after the wedding.
"They're the ones who are way too much expenses on my life," Griffin said as she impaled the meat with the knife. No point in stalling. She had to get to it if she didn't want to be kitchen bound all day like some modern version of Cinderella. Only it was the evil mother-in-law and her sisters against her. Not that that made the fight any easier for her. Quite the opposite, in fact, and all she had left to do was stab the meat with her outrage like she'd completely lost her mind to it. She probably looked like a psychopath so, again, good thing that no one was around. She was pretty sure her mothers-in-law would leap at the chance to have her drugged on her prescribed meds if she gave them a reason to think she needed a psychiatrist.
"Are you sure you should talk like that while in their kitchen?" Zarathustra asked and made her want to scream since she knew how fierce both of the twins were. If they were scared of the witches, then she had to be, too. And she was, but she really didn't appreciate being reminded of that when she had to share living quarters with them. It left her feeling like fish out of water in her own home. Especially when she knew they were well aware of her hatred of them and returned it but still tolerated her when she was the wife they'd needed to buy their son anyway.
"It's my kitchen, Zara," she did her best to cushion her voice as she snapped. It wasn't her friend's fault. No one was at fault except for Belladonna and her sisters. "After Valtor and I got married, we got ownership of the mansion, remember?" Griffin said, trying to convince herself more than anything else.
The mansion could be hers on paper but it still bowed to them completely and so did she when she was more a part of the interior rather than a human being with her own mind and right to making choices. She wouldn't truly be the Mistress of the Ancestral Manor until they were gone even if Belladonna had officially passed the title down to her and despite herself, she wanted to be. She wanted to be if that meant that they would be free of them. Maybe then she could even have a child when she was free of the terror of what they would do with it. Perhaps even a girl and not the obligatory boy to continue the family lineage and find himself a housewife to take care of the precious mansion passed down from generation to generation and binding every next one in its old-fashioned and offensive traditions. Once they were gone, she could set her own rules. If she'd manage to outlive them and the stress they were burying her under as it was far more than six feet on top of her at this point and it'd barely been half a year since the wedding.
"I hate to break it to you, sister, but you're still under their reign," Ediltrude said as she'd sensed her thoughts and was trying to keep her grounded which was not just useful but necessary considering the fight that awaited her but right now it felt good to be in a fantasy. In a world she'd made up where she could have a daughter with beautiful golden eyes that were just that. Beautiful eyes and not a sign that she bore the makings of a Mistress of the Ancestral Manor, a wife. She would be the heiress and own the place. She would be the one who could bring the change the mansion needed and drag it out of the past to forge her own future, one that wouldn't be owned by a breathless, soulless house and the old witches it had made.
"Yes, that was a clause in the contract," Griffin said to grasp at tangible things and the legalities of their deal were the most palpable thing she could think of when they left her with the presence of her mothers-in-law which would last for heaven knew how long. Though, hell would probably be more in place in that sentence. "We have to take care of them until death finally manages to pry life out of their claws." There were chills running through her that weren't coming from the cold meat in her hands when she wasn't sure if even death was stronger than her enemies. And that was a very disturbing thought considering it had taken her father away when he'd always been the most secure heart in her life. "So for the next 30-40 years." Or so she hoped. She could just pray it wouldn't be more even if she weren't religious. She'd never been, and her encounter with her now mothers-in-law had only solidified that position.
"Aren't they, like, ancient?" Ediltrude asked, the pages of her magazine rustling when she probably used it to demonstrate her confusion in a grand, dramatic gesture. And here Griffin had sworn to be careful not to end up with another drama queen as a friend after Ediltrude and Hagen–and herself, too, but that did not go into the current train of thought–only to find herself married to one.
"Yeah. They can't be under seventy at this point even if their magical cosmetics take off twenty years," Zarathustra joined her sister and Griffin was grateful that they were doing their best to provide some comfort but she knew it wasn't up to them when the three witches were in the picture and the cosmetics weren't the only magic at play there. Good diet–despite their passion for hunting, they were careful with the cholesterol that could prove to be the one gun to end them if they didn't control it which, of course, they did very closely–and eating souls were giving splendid results so far. Well, splendid for them.
"Oh, they are," Griffin said, her knife almost flying out of her hand at her own theatrics. "They are seventy-three. At least Belladonna is and I'm still not quite sure whether they're triplets or not." They never disclosed anything personal but that had come out during the transfer of the mansion to the only result of terrifying her all the more when she'd learned she'd been far off in her guess of the woman's age. "But I'm not really sure they're mortal," Griffin confessed and it was so much scarier to hear the thought out loud even if it had been plaguing her mind since she'd learned their age.
Really, they didn't look older than fifty despite their white hair that Griffin could think of at least two purposes for. One, make them look like apparitions to increase the natural terror they awoke in whoever was standing in front of them and two, clash with their painted faces and nails and their designer clothes to tell you they were of age but still had far more class and beauty than you could ever dream of. And it worked on both accounts leaving you with the need to scream but you had to mute yourself somehow because that would just give them more life power and would hand victory to them.
Ediltrude laughed. "Come on, Griffin. The women may be vicious witches – I mean, reindeer meat? Who even eats that nowadays? And knowing that they caught it themselves... Oh, wow, okay." Griffin heard her moving in the armchair she was sitting in, the leather one that definitely did not fit with the rest of the interior of their living room but they both loved and she knew why when she'd found herself dozing off in it more than once since it was that comfortable. "I am starting to see your point," Ediltrude said in that voice that was slightly slowed down from her normal speed of speaking when her mind was racing. "How the fuck are they still hunting at that age?" she asked when she finally did the math that threw you for a loop when it ended in an infinity symbol that stood for their eternal life.
"I'm telling you," Griffin sighed. "They're not human," she said, any thought of stabbing them with the knife she was holding dying out when she wasn't sure she wanted to murder her own hope that they would be the ones to die some day. She wouldn't be able to handle the result of her experiment and the consequences of it. Even if they didn't do anything to her for the attempt on their lives. They would've already done it with the knowledge that it hadn't been an attempt at all when they weren't mortal.
"Well, Lysslis did have a violent reaction to Ediltrude's cat," Zarathustra said as she tried to prove to her that there was fear in her mothers-in-law, too. And it would have worked if the reason for that hadn't been that the cat had snatched a photo album out of Lysslis' bedroom. The way she'd looked around had suggested she was hiding it from her sisters and Griffin supposed that was because it was full of old pictures.
Lysslis wasn't the sentimental type even if she managed to look the part but she certainly was one to keep dirt on her sisters which made Griffin suspect that the album was old and contained evidence from their youth. Evidence that could support the rumors that the three of them had made their way into the manor with deception by having gold injected in their irises which had left them blind and in need of lenses that replaced their lost sight by sending electrical impulses to the brain with the coded visual information.
She wouldn't have trouble believing it at all. She'd seen their ambition taking lives–literally–and was sure that it went as far as mutilating themselves as well. Everything for the metaphorical crown.
That, of course, did not help convince her that they were people and only did the opposite instead even if it brought them down a little on account of them not having all the characteristics of a Mistress of the Ancestral Manor but that hardly mattered when they'd proved that they were the most fearsome women to ever have that title. And Lysslis was cold-blooded enough to keep proof of their monstrosities against her sisters, though that did hint that she was afraid of them. But on the other hand, who wouldn't be? Even monsters could fear other monsters. Especially when they were the same as them.
"Though, they were looking at the snakes like they were moving belts," Zarathustra said like they'd shared the same inner musings when Griffin knew that hadn't been the case. The twins had insisted that it wasn't possible when she'd told them what claims were going around when it came to her mothers-in-law.
"Hush, my babies are still traumatized," Ediltrude scolded which wasn't unexpected since she'd forbidden the topic after she'd had both snakes wrapped around her like they were trying to suffocate her which hadn't really been their intention and had hidden their heads under her hands. They'd gotten scared when they'd felt the thoughts the three old hags would've loved to make true and that only Griffin and the twins had been standing in the way of. As if Ediltrude would ever let anyone hurt her snakes. She would sooner kill than let anyone lay a hand on them or on her sister and that was one thing Griffin could always guarantee no matter who Ediltrude was facing.
"She's cuddling the snakes, isn't she?" Griffin asked as she already had a mental image that she was sure was absolutely precise. It was the other typical characteristic of that leather armchair as it was the usual place where the snakes liked to lounge. Especially if Ediltrude was there–or Zarathustra or Griffin, really–and they could climb all over her.
"Yep. I have a completely insane sister," Zarathustra said and Griffin could see her shaking her head at the sight of Ediltrude cooing at the snakes and stroking them. It was an odd image but one that Griffin was used to by now and had found herself replicating even if she hadn't liked Ediltrude's very idea of pets when she'd had to room with them from the get-go in their college dorm. They'd grown on her, though, and she'd found herself happy to feel them slithering over her the first time the twins had visited the mansion and Ediltrude had thought it appropriate to bring them with her to cheer Griffin up. It had even worked as the snakes had seemed like absolute angels compared to the three she now lived with when she knew the ones curling into her wouldn't hurt her.
"Oh, shut up, Miss I'll-just-go-and-join-a-cult," Ediltrude threw at her sister and almost made Griffin rub at her temples before she remembered she'd just been touching the deer meat and that was definitely ill-advised. She couldn't help the impulse when a fight between the twins was brewing, though, and them focusing on each other was definitely the first and only sign of that as their squabbles only needed so much to kick into motion.
"We agreed to never bring that up again," Zarathustra screeched angrily and Griffin could imagine the way her whole body was moving forward, ready for a fight. Something both twins were always prepared for which made for an explosive atmosphere. Something she'd gotten her fair share of when they'd been roommates. "It was a mistake, okay? You of all people should know enough about that," Zarathustra kept it up and Ediltrude would bite the bait and start harping on, too, in a second and she would lose them to their argument. She had to do something.
"Come on, you two, break it off!" Griffin cried out and it was more desperate rather than authoritative but that was all she could manage at the present time. "I need you to keep me company through this hell of a day, not send each other to hell," she said when she knew that would get them back to her. They were good friends even if they crossed the line sometimes with their teases that went from mischievous straight to cruel faster than a rally car accelerated.
She was picking up Valtor's car figures of speech which was just another thing they would prod into if they knew so she had to be careful not to give herself away.
"Sorry, Griffin," both twins chimed in at the same time which she was sure left them glaring at each other but they kept to the truce she'd called and she was grateful to have their support when there was not much of anything else keeping her focused and stopping her from melting into a puddle of self-pity under the judgment of her mothers-in-law's golden eyes that she could see in her mind perfectly now that they'd taken the time to so helpfully engrave it there.
Dinner took about all day despite her decision to work on the dishes parallel to each other and she ate lunch in the kitchen like she was their servant but that was not correct. She was more of a slave, really, and she was getting tempted to start looking into ways to get away with poisoning them, the only thing that was stopping her being that that wasn't her. Her parents hadn't raised a murderess and she wouldn't let her alleged new mothers make her something that she wasn't, make her like them.
There were rumors that Belladonna had killed her husband for cheating on her which Griffin knew weren't true as much as she hated admitting it. Belladonna certainly wouldn't have tolerated cheating despite how cold and uninviting she was–which was fair enough since that didn't give anyone a pass for cheating–but that was a problem she would have resolved before it had even become such and far more delicately, for certain. A little bromine in his drinks every day and there was nothing to worry about which might have been just the perfect solution from another point of view as well but that was none of Griffin's business and she really didn't need, nor want to go there.
No, what had most certainly seen the three sisters–she was sure Lysslis and Tharma were in on it and might have even helped–committing murder had been the fact that they'd wanted to raise Valtor a certain way and getting rid of his father had been necessary to make sure he wouldn't interfere with that. Which had probably also been the reason behind Valtor's grandmother "falling" off the balcony in the light of day. If they hadn't posed a threat on Belladonna's plans for Valtor's upbringing they probably would've still been alive–her husband at least–and following her agenda just like everyone else was.
Remembering she was one hundred percent certified living with murderesses was not helping her relax when the exhaustion was flaming in her muscles so she dragged herself over to the library to pick a good book to crash on the couch in there with. It was the one place that she adored in the mansion–other than her and Valtor's bedroom–even if Lysslis was often there herself.
There were so many books gracing the shelves with their elegance and knowledge or countless worlds waiting to be explored and it was the richest room in the mansion. It was a dream come true to have a library that size and Griffin took all the chances she got to enjoy it.
She found a book of poetry that seemed to predate even her mothers-in-law–and that was magical in a whole another way as it was proof that they hadn't been there from the start so maybe they wouldn't make it to the end either–and curled up in its embrace. The words were caressing her tenderly–especially when she imagined them in the context of her and Valtor's love–and managed to unwrap some of the day's tension from around her to let her get more comfortable. Almost to the point where she'd fall asleep but that thought was ran over by the sound of Valtor's car pulling over at the driveway.
She laid the book down on the table carefully, letting herself lose the page as all that mattered was finding her way out of the room as soon as possible, and ran down the stairs to greet him. They usually didn't let her do that when they held her hostage in the living room and watched her like she was the wild game they were hunting that day. They didn't want her going out in the rain–concerned about how any potential illnesses would reflect on her ability to bear children, no doubt–but it rained so often over the mansion that she was starting to hate it when she couldn't do any gardening even if it'd used to be a relaxing sound to read a good book to while sipping tea which, really, made perfect sense as a lot of things weren't at all as enjoyable as they'd used to be.
She got the upper hand that evening as she rushed to the door before they could block her way as they came from the study. It was supposed to be Valtor's nowadays but they had no qualms about coming and going as they pleased and rummaging through the documents. They'd even spoiled the surprise when he'd reserved a quiet villa at the seaside for them since they hadn't been able to spoil the vacation itself. At least not to the point to which they'd wanted to.
Sarah stepped out of her way and rather enthusiastically, too, instead of with fear like she avoided the old witches that still acted like they were her bosses when she was officially working for her and Valtor now. It could also have something to do with the fact that she was getting starry eyed at the sight of her and Valtor together as she seemed genuinely happy about them–though, that could be because they treated her as a human and not just as the help–and even congratulated them on their happiness every time she found the occasion.
Griffin opened the door and was met with a bouquet of white gently greeting her eyes as if Valtor had known she would be the one to meet him this time. It must have been some powerful intuitive cue since that was a rarity and he couldn't have predicted it any other way.
"For the woman of my heart," Valtor said as he grinned at her and handed her the gardenias.
She could feel their sweet scent reaching her even when her fingers hadn't even caressed the blossoms yet. It wafted through the air to encapsulate her in itself and entered her brain to pull forward memories of all the previous times he'd brought her flowers–not just gardenias–that were just as exquisite as the bouquet itself.
Griffin took the flowers from him and stepped away to let him in. "Kept safe and sound," she noted as she felt the plastic container that was undoubtedly full of water under her fingers. It was like a small plastic vase hidden under the bouquet wrap to keep the flowers fresh.
"Vanessa knows what she's doing," Valtor said as he took off his coat and let Sarah put it away.
"She certainly does." Unlike that daughter of hers. "And you do, too," Griffin praised as deserved. He'd learned her tastes–though, Vanessa probably knew just as well and would have had him covered anyway–and knew just how to make her day which she really appreciated after the day she'd had. "Come here, man of my heart," she said as she pulled him towards herself, careful not to damage the flowers after he'd found the time in his busy schedule to get them for her.
Her lips were on his and his body pressed into her finally felt like she'd come home after she'd been kept on edge all day like only his mothers could do to her when they shook her sense of self to the very core and made her doubt everything she was and knew. Everything except Valtor and her love for him. That always came out victorious regardless of what schemes they were running–and they'd done their best to separate them by pushing various ghosts of the past in their way until they'd realized that their futures were entangled together and there was no one who could do anything about it–and she trusted she could draw strength from it any time.
Valtor did, too, as he let himself sink into the kiss and pull her deeper in as well when their tongues were dancing together like they sometimes did in the privacy of their bedroom where it was just the two of them in the universe and the rhythm of the music that wrapped around them to keep the happiness of those moments safe and protected. His hands were on her waist and holding her close to him like he always did. It was the most reassuring thing to know he wanted her with him always. Especially when she wanted the same.
She wanted to be with him, for as long as the stars would shine on them when they climbed on the roof at night to watch them. She knew their love would be endless like the string of words of the countless books in the mansion's library was. The two of them had a long road ahead that nothing could block even when they were bound to returning to the manor no matter how far they'd managed to get during their latest car ride but it still felt like home when she was with him.
"Somehow that didn't sound too sincere," Valtor murmured when they parted even if the words weren't supported by the ecstatic beating of his heart under her palm. "I might need more convincing," he cupped her cheek, the softness of the touch begging to have more added to it and she couldn't refuse even if she'd wanted to. And she could never get mad at him just because he was looking for excuses to draw her into another kiss even if he didn't need them when she would give him all the love and all the tenderness he wanted. It was something she wanted to do with her life and nothing could make her doubt that no matter how many slippery slopes she had to climb to get to him.
Griffin leaned in again but she'd barely felt his lips against hers when Belladonna's voice made for a crack between them and shoved an entire replica of Antarctica in it forcing her to pull as far away from the cold as possible which left space between her and Valtor as well.
"If you're going to have sex tonight, at least do keep it down," she said, her voice even like it was gliding on a solid foundation of ice and not their private and intimate experiences but that couldn't phase Griffin anymore. "You make more noise than a gathering at the patio," Belladonna added her finishing touch of humiliation, the burning gold of her eyes scorching at Griffin's skin when she looked at her to let her know that one was directed exclusively towards her.
"I guess it's time to use that ball gag you bought for me," Griffin said as she turned her head towards Valtor but let her gaze seep towards her mother-in-law out of the corner of her eye. Hopefully, she'd drown in the lack of shame in it.
It had felt like she'd been engulfed in flames the first time she'd gotten reprimanded about her loudness by her witches-in-law which had coincidentally been about the wedding night since she and Valtor hadn't even gotten a proper honeymoon on pretext that it wasn't the season for holidays–as if there weren't a ton of places where it'd been sizzling hot at the time–and the manor needed to get acquainted with its new Mistress which wouldn't have been a problem if they'd let her move in before the wedding but they'd insisted that that wasn't possible since she wasn't an official part of the family yet. She'd felt like a criminal caught red-handed and it had left such a profound acrid taste in her mouth that she hadn't been able to eat until they'd forced her to because she needed to stay healthy.
She'd been throwing up most of the first week of her married life and had thrashed in bed in the midst of her nightmares–not just because of the severe meddling in their private affairs, but also because of the control they were trying to exercise over every aspect of her life while giving the illusion they were passing everything in her hands only to overwhelm her more with the care for the household and make her beg for their help–instead of sleeping serenely in Valtor's embrace. They'd both ended up sleep deprived and exhausted in the middle of the work week and she'd sworn she'd never let them get to her head like that again. She'd play their game if that was what they wanted and she was going to win it.
"It would seem so," Valtor said, his arm snaking around her waist to keep her close when that gave him not just courage, but safety. Quite literally since he'd admitted to her that they hadn't allowed themselves to be as cruel to him after they'd learned she was a part of the picture as they'd been before that. Probably because they didn't want her to know about the monstrosities they'd committed against him before that and she hated to think of his suffering so she didn't when she knew he didn't want to talk about it either. She would gladly listen if he wanted to talk, though. So far he hadn't but she was there for him if and when he decided to share. "If we can't soundproof the bedroom," Valtor noted and it was a clear accusation or at least retaliation despite how casually it was thrown out there. They'd raised him in their image, after all, and deserved their own venom spat in their faces so that it would leave his system and free him of itself when it could never be useful for anything except paralyzing him in its drops like an insect caught in amber.
"The mansion needs to remain authentic, Valtor," Lysslis said, her words far closer to a hiss than she normally allowed them to get. But it was no wonder considering how touchy a subject change was when applied to the manor.
Lysslis–and her sisters, too–were hellbent on keeping the house as it was which she was sure had nothing to do with the fact that all of the previous owners had only done the necessary construction work to preserve the visage of the building and had avoided altering it in any way. They were just using the pretext of that to keep the manor the soulless home that it was and keep all of its inhabitants trapped in that paradox. It was just their hunger for control and power masked as care which was their trademark but that didn't make it any less grotesque.
"And it would be much easier to put up with the noise if it were an occasional occurrence but you two insist on fucking like rabbits," Tharma said, not missing a chance to stab at their active sex life to kill it.
She seemed to have difficulty getting over that time she'd walked in on them having sex in Valtor's office but it was her own damn fault for not knocking and barging in like she owned the place when she never had, all the decisions she'd ever made for the company falling over it through the channel of Belladonna's temporary reign while Valtor still hadn't been of age. She'd been absolutely scandalized and Griffin suspected that it had something to do with the fact that Valtor would forfeit work to have carnal fun which just added to Tharma's incomprehension, she was sure, since the woman was the only one of the three sisters who had never been married, and she'd been furious that they'd put her in a position in which she didn't have the upper hand when she was so hopelessly lost.
"We've raised you to be a lion, Valtor," Belladonna said and Griffin was surprised by the precision of the comparison when Valtor was the alleged king of the world but it was the lionesses that had made him who knew how to hunt and set the rules of the game. He was nothing but an oversized kitten on a leash in his mother's lap. "The least you can do is make sure the company and the family name get their next heir if you insist on imitating street cats," Belladonna didn't let the opportunity to express her own disdain with their priorities slip through her fingers that could be nothing short of ice cold when that was what her heart was.
"Thank you, Sarah," Griffin took the time to show her gratefulness for having her flowers removed from the scene–especially when she saw how quick Sarah was to make her escape and it was completely understandable that she didn't want to get caught in the upcoming storm–because she was sure they wouldn't handle the intensity of the argument that was about to plow into them. And even if they could, she didn't want to stain them with the ugliness of her reality when they were meant to brighten the bedroom with their beauty and weave a fantasy of another life around her with their sweet scent. "Contraceptives do tend to prevent pregnancy," she said as she turned her gaze on Belladonna now that the bouquet wasn't threatened with withering away under her fierce attacks towards every part of Griffin's life when she tried to bend it to her will.
"Perhaps you should rethink taking them," Belladonna said and the wording was all wrong when it wasn't a suggestion. It was an order at best and a threat at worst and Griffin had learned enough by now to know that it didn't matter which option it was as she had to be scared of both and of the way one would inevitably turn into the other if she let it.
"Perhaps you should rethink whatever horrid idea just started forming in your head." She could practically hear the thoughts in Belladonna's mind moving slowly but surely like an iceberg waiting to sink her tiny boat when it broke it in pieces upon collision. "If you switch out my pills and get me pregnant without my consent, I swear to you you won't see even the outside of this house ever again and I won't give a single fuck about the goddamn contract," Griffin spat out, clutching tightly at Valtor as all she had left to do was pray that she'd made herself clear enough, pray that she'd scared the monsters because she didn't know of another weak place of theirs that she could hit and it would be the end of her if she'd failed.
"Well, if that child has your character, it will at least be worth the wait," Belladonna said, letting her know she'd won the fight and she could breathe freely. For now. Hopefully, even until she herself decided to go through giving birth. "Not so much if it's like Valtor who never dared stand up to us."
She looked at him as if her words weren't piercing deep enough and she needed to hammer them in his heart through his eyes so that she could break them, too, and make him unable to see anything beautiful in the world ever again. She was just being a fucking bitch now since she knew damn well they'd abused him into obedience every time he'd tried to exhibit something else and Griffin would gladly remind her that but Valtor's grip tightening on her waist stopped her.
"Argulus and I did strike the deal, mother," Valtor said, his voice firm as if his eyes weren't trying to bleed tears when Belladonna's words had cut deep into his soul. He still cared about her approval which was masochistic and practically suicidal when he would never get anything but freezing water on his enthusiasm about any activity of his that just made it sizzle out and the steam carried away a part of his soul with it. It was painful to watch the best proof that Belladonna did not love him, did not know what love was at all, since she could see what she was doing to him and there was no reaction from her.
Not a normal one at least since she observed him like he was an experiment and she was waiting to see how long he'd need to crack under the crushing lack of praise from her.
Now that she was married to him, Griffin was a guinea pig, too, serving as a test subject to see how much you could break someone by torturing the love of their life, the only thing holding her in place was Valtor's arm around her when she knew she was his support just like he was hers. She could help with his burden and he could help with hers when they chose to carry them together and didn't do it because they were forced to.
"Excellent," Tharma said, the word like a whiplash echoing around them when it was so out of place. "Then all of your wife's work won't have to go to the garbage," she said, making Griffin nauseous even though she was used to the irresponsible waste of resources that the manor was a home to.
She had absolutely no doubt that they would've thrown out the dinner they had her cooking all day in the case of failure to punish both Valtor and her and then would've nagged at them about the meat they'd had to sacrifice when hunt was becoming harder throughout the years. Yet, they always came back proud of the murders that never dwindled in number just like they only used their old age when it was in their interest.
"He and his wife will be coming to dinner tomorrow evening," Valtor ignored the remark when it couldn't possibly ruin his mood more than it had already been but his words made Griffin's head snap towards him.
"Valtor, Faragonda and Hagen are coming tomorrow," she reminded gently as she didn't mean to scold him even if she felt near tears herself. There was no way she'd be allowed to have her "unrefined" friends over when there was a semi-business dinner going on and so instead of having people she loved over she would have to stand the company of another rich-and-proud-of-it couple in her home which she was used to by now as there was someone over for dinner at least twice a week but in this particular instance she was even less thrilled about the company.
"I'm sorry, Griffin," Valtor said as he looked at her, the ice of his eyes begging for her forgiveness which she would've granted far easier if she weren't struck in place by the lightning bolt that the realization that her gardenias were an apology and not a romantic gesture was. "You know Argulus insists on sealing the deal with a dinner and they'll be out of town for the next two weeks."
Of course, they would be. Bloom was probably flying to cloud nine at the idea of another expensive vacation. Or rather was carried there by Argulus who was a slave to her every whim which was the least he could do after taking her away from her family and changing her until she wasn't herself anymore. Though, it was arguable how much you could be changed without your own agreement and that had left Vanessa and Mike blaming themselves for not giving her a better life, for not giving her the life that Marion and Oritel would have sponsored had they been alive to raise their own daughter.
Griffin was sure they were turning in their graves thanks to the spoiled brat Bloom had become after she'd met Argulus who'd revealed her origins to her and had made her pursue the family fortune until she'd finally taken her claim over it just a month after the two had gotten married which was a bit of a coincidence too suspicious to be one to everyone with half a brain but, unfortunately, one half of Bloom's had been full of her newly found funds and the other one of her husband so that hadn't registered. And while that was a good enough excuse in that particular instance, it did nothing to justify the fact she'd stopped visiting Daphne at the hospital and had left Mike and Vanessa help her fight through the coma she'd been sent in by a reckless motorcyclist that had hit her on her way out of Argulus' office after a fight with him about her sister.
Griffin couldn't believe that was the same girl she'd held in her arms when she'd still been a teenager herself but Marion had trusted her enough to let her hold her baby. The future had seemed so bright before the coordinated attack meant to take out the entire family that had left the two girls orphans instead but at least they'd found their way to a loving home only for Bloom to turn away from that because of that vulture that her husband was.
The only thing that had Griffin keeping her mouth shut was that she'd only met Valtor through his connection to Argulus and her connection to Bloom. That and the fact that she didn't want to upset Mike and Vanessa who would inevitably hear Bloom's complaints were Griffin to say anything which left her begrudgingly accepting that she had to go through that dinner the next evening. Really, the only worst thing would have been having to stand Diaspro and all of her greatness now that she was doing whatever she wanted with all of Erendor and Samara's fortune after Bloom left Sky and he was led right back into the trap of Diaspro's arms around his neck.
"This can't wait," Valtor said, his voice quiet but it was the apologetic tone that pricked her all over like it was trying to see where she'd bleed from first. He was terrified of her reaction when the memories of his mothers' outbursts were playing in his mind and she hated the fact that she'd given him a reason to make the connection when she herself had quite the temper and enough pettiness to go for revenge instead of resolving the conflict.
"You'll just have to cancel your appointment, honey," Lysslis said, staining yet another pet name with her venom. She knew damn well Griffin would never be able to stand Valtor calling her any of the ones she'd used. And she'd used them all. She'd made sure there wasn't something special that only he would call her and he'd have to resort to her name which everyone else used as well. Lysslis thought she could diminish their bond like that but her name would always sound differently coming from Valtor's mouth when all of his love for her was woven in it. None of his mothers could ever sully that.
"We'll have to plan the menu so the help can get to it right away tomorrow morning," Tharma said to remind her that her cooking was good enough for her common-folk friends and even the three Mistresses of the Ancestral Manor were resigning to it to fulfill her wishes but her meals weren't refined enough for their high society guests. And after she'd spent all day cooking their requested dinner. It was crossing the line which would mean something if there were any lines for the three of them.
"Let me play you something, Griffin," Valtor caught her hand and held all of her anger as if it was his doing and his responsibility. His eyes were begging her forgiveness and she couldn't take that away from him when they'd already taken everything from both of them. It wasn't his fault her plans were abolished yet again. She'd known that business always came first even when he didn't want it to and he just wanted to make things right for her which she appreciated but didn't want to burden the notes with his guilt which would undoubtedly warp the melody.
"I would love to hear anything you have for me," Griffin made sure to emphasize the last word and was happy to see it reached his heart and he read into it, his shoulders falling out of the stiff embrace of the stress that had been wrapped around them to leave him able to play the piano with all of his skill and that was an ocean she could float in forever.
They headed towards the living room, still entangled as they were when they pushed past his mothers who, surprisingly, did not try to object but followed them there. Of course, they wouldn't let them have a private moment anywhere outside their own bedroom even when they had to plan the dinner the following evening.
Belladonna looked at her as she was settling down next to her sisters to tell her what she'd heard many times echoing in her head after the woman's gaze shouted it inside her brain. You chose to be the next wife of the Ancestral Manor.
But she hadn't. She'd only ever wanted to be Valtor's hence why she was next to him on the bench in front of the piano even if she had no business there since business had nothing to do with their relationship much to her mothers-in-law's chagrin. And if letting the manor and the three witches that controlled it claim as much of her time as they could get their claws into was the only way to spend the rest of her life with him, then she was ready to pay the price. Because she didn't even want to try to imagine a life without him. She could do it, she knew. But it wouldn't be real. It wouldn't be a life. Just existence.
She laid her head down on Valtor's shoulder knowing that he wouldn't mind. And nobody was asking his mothers, the sounds of the piano shutting them up when even they didn't allow themselves to interrupt art when it was engraved all over the manor and was practically a part of it. And their love was the purest form of art as they kept weaving it together despite all the sharpness in its way as the melody proved when it filled the emptiness of the mansion around them and drowned out any scorn coming from his mothers to let them grow together despite all attempts of his mothers to turn them into something they weren't. They were in love and that was their home.
#winx club#winx griffin#winx valtor#griffin x valtor#covenshipping#ancestral witches#winx belladonna#winx lysslis#winx tharma#winx ediltrude#winx zarathustra#winx bloom#winx darkar#bloom x darkar#fanfiction#my fanfiction#my writing
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A note about MSN and TPTI
WARNING- I WILL BE MENTIONING DEPRESSION, SELF-HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS IN THIS. IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE DO NOT PROCEED.
So, some of you may have read my “three things about you” post and see that I mentioned two of my most popular works- My Suicide Note and The Path To Isolation, and the reason why I haven’t updated them in ages.
Well, that’s because they’re triggering for me.
I originally wrote MSN after I had a dream, which became the first two chapters and the base for the third and fourth (which ended up being slightly different to what I had dremt about). The first four or so chapters were written before I had my first severe bout of depression in November/ December 2018 (my Year 11 December). Looking back on that time period, I can say the cause of my depression was majoritarily my fault, but the build up to it was because of my friends. I won’t talk about it as it was a very difficult time for me, but during that time period MSN became my way of self-harming.
I had a friend who was cutting, and I still worry about her now as she has low self-esteem (almost as low as mine), and we ended up becoming closer over her depression which I was desperate to help her with at the loss of my own happiness.
MSN became my way of making my feelings known, of being able to let out how I really felt under the mask of Daniel, or Charles, or Fernando, or whoever it was.
It was also a way for me to look up ways of suicide under the excuse it was for the story. I soon became too well-known with way of how I could kill myself I could look at something like a penlid during class one day and think “I could easily kill myself with this”. It got to the point I seriously considered killing myself. I knew so many ways of doing it, and ruled out some because they were too messy or it involved my dad’s meds and I couldn’t do that to him.
In the end what pulled me through was a boy I will call Gold, who I had the pleasure of seeing every weekday at school and who I developed a major crush on. He was my physics partner and the only reason I got out of bed each morning. Even on the weekends I would think “just two more days til I see Gold”.
That is the only time I have let romance rule my life and I can safely say it saved me.
Ironically, MSN also saved me. Despite it pratically being my actual suicide note, the amount of support and positive feedback on the story I got made me want to keep updating it for my readers. So to everyone reading this who read, kudo-ed or commented on MSN- thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I honestly can’t thank you enough. Your views and votes on the story kept me alive during that dark time and I don’t know if I can ever repay you. You all mean so much to me.
I also fell back into suicidality this February, again because of my friends. This time, however, I turned to physical self-harm and steered clear of MSN and TPTI, which I had begun to write. I never cut myself, instead I took a broken hanger and scratched my forearm, leaving lines that looked like cuts.
Once again, I started thinking of ways I could kill myself, and this time there was no Gold to unknowningly keep me afloat.
I had you. I had my readers.
I don’t know how I pulled myself through, unlike December 2018 this time had no clear end. It could’ve stopped when I finally told my friends I was done, or a little after that.
The thing I do know is, my account has blown up so much since MSN first started, and The Path To Isolation, which was a spin-off to MSN when I wasn’t depressed, has also been one of my most popular stories.
I have had the pleasure of being gifted works by one of my favourite authors, @rosygoldendawn, and I was also on a rec list by the amazing @bwoahtastic, which I can safely say was one of the best days of my life and I’ve been giddy ever since. I have three stories over the 1,000 hits mark on AO3 (one of them being MSN), and one of my stories has over 60 kudos, which may not seem like a lot, but was such a surprise for me I was in shock for ages. Whenever I get a kudo on a story or chapter I didn’t think was very good, I always need a minute to remind myself that people actually like some of the stuff I write, and that is the most wondrous feeling in the world.
You guys have given me the confidence to stand up and say I want to do creative writing at uni, I want to write stories and share them with people, I have the confidence to say I write fanfiction.
I honestly couldn’t have done it without you guys.
That being said, I am currently dealing with the backlogs of my February depression, so therefore MSN and TPTI are labeled as TRIGGER STORIES. It doesn’t mean I won’t update them anymore, it just means they are on hiatus due to mental health reasons. I hope to continue them as I loved writing them and I know you guys like reading them, I just need some time.
I know I've brought this up a couple of times, and I know it might start to get annoying and I don't want you to think I'm scrambling for sympathy. I'm not the kind of person who would do that, despite what my friends may think. I just wanted you to understand not only why these two stories are on hiatus, but why I hold them in such regard. They're not my favourites in any means, but they are so important to me. I may be wrong, but I believe MSN set the benchmark for my stories. It's currently my second most viewed work and fifth most kudo-ed. I believe it's one of my earliest works, being a 2018 story, and in terms of stats, all but one of the four stories with more kudos are later ones. We'll Build The World Again, my second most kudo-ed story, was my second ever story on AO3, but it hasn't been until fairly recently that I've had many notifications on it, and I think it's because MSN paved the way for it. I think MSN also paved the way for 5TSFOHWP, my most viewed and kudo-ed story, and arguably my most popular one. For me, MSN was the beginning of my AO3 career in a sense, and it is something I am immensely proud of. I am so proud to be part of this amazing community with its multitude of amazingly talented writers. I have never been so involved in a fandom in my life and I do not regret a single moment of it.
I have mentioned this multiple times before, but my inbox is always open to anyone who suffers from mental health issues, or just wants to talk. I am always happy to lend an ear if you want to rant, or if you want some advice or have any questions. Both my Tumblr inbox and my Instagram DMs are open to anyone who wishes to talk.
I just want to thank you all again for being there for me, even if you didn’t realise. You all mean so much to me and I apologise for not updating enough.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and I really mean that.
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