#the 2nd was supposed to be a bigger piece but what can i say……… i didn’t want to finish it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

m0e-ru · 1 year

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👀👀 also i just want to say thank you! i really got into P4 this year and finding your work only amplified my love for it. mim became like my 2nd favorite character all because of you also the stage play it really lives in my head rent free. i love your art and writings, your work has turned a special interest into an even more special one.

hi yeah I read this morning I was tearing up a bit sorrry for being an emotional baby I dont get love letters often maybe thats why im full of love . in exchange. thank yo thankyou for all the nice words it means a lot. here’s A LOT in return. with commentary because it um. was too much for the tags

okay this one was one of the drafts for my 3/20 art this year there was like. four drafts till i settled on this one then went SIKE 🏌️🏌️🏌️ you're doing the dual type ones ( the magazine ones i ended up posting )

MIDNIGHT TV STATION REAL !??? anyway here’s just shadow yukiko and iznmi interaction it’s not finished since there’s no backgrounds yet I swear there are. I did this alll the way back in feb I think and just kept polishing it bit by bit throuhgout the year and it’s STILL not done yet. the horrors came in I couldnt work on bigger pieces anymore since they wouldnt even get FINISHED anyway 💥💥💥 there’s also a s.kanji one but those are a bunch of blobs and text in shorthand mim is such a jokester asking questions n shit to twist people’s heads but yukiko’s just so sweet she really means what she says yknow like this is supposed to be the start of mim remembering what humanity is besides the mindless and selfish desires that technically gave birth to them after tearing them apart from the whole they once were. the LAST few TV stations these women were asking shit like ohhh can we hang a noose here ohhhhhhhh I want it to smell like liquor and rust and this girl was like can I have a castle !!!! can I wear a big pink frilly dress and hold a mic to push my human self’s buttons I think it could work

yeah these are my plans for the m.inaba arc for gsaslau and FUCK IM SO MAD I WAS WRITING ON THE TUMBLR EDITOR BUT IT FUCKED UP THE FORMATTING AND A WHOLE CHUNK OF TEXT IS GONE sorry this post is gonna be a lot longer than it should be okay ! gsaslau Magatsu Inaba arc. Adachi’s besties with the attendant but Mim decides they’re done with the attendant facade and erases everyone’s memories of the guy. They did a bad job at it though so Adachi’s stuck with the awareness that he has a hole in his life that could’ve been avoided if someone did a better job at cleaning up everything that reminds him of memories he’s going insane over thinking they exist when they DON’T to literally everyone else. He makes a deal with the fog to be god’s prohpet and usher in the New World as its Fool so it gives him the answer to whether or not his memories are real and worth bringing back a guy he thinks is dead. Souji tries to stop him and as much as Adachi’s trying to hide his true intentions under the guise he’s justifying himself as a bad guy this whole time, he kinda snaps under pressure that a bunch of kids are being able to stop him despite the help of a god and a world he can manipulate. Mim’s plan was to wait for his Shadow to take over so his body’s properties would be enough for him to become a vessel to manifest Ame-no-Sagiri. But THAT doesn’t happen so they did plan B: go force the power of Persona and wear it like a costume enough to hide their face to stop further awakening more memories that could throw the whole deal off. Souji recognizes that it isn’t the power of Persona so he demands god to stop using their powers through a human just to hide from something, it’s putting the guy in enough pain already. Mim agrees to leave and Adachi’s Shadow finally takes over anddd and yeah I could make a separate post about my writing I wish I had more time and energy for things

okay this one looks simple it’s likeee a manga that was supposed to be a companion piece to some writing that also didn’t get finished. so. I could share that but they’re non proofread discord messages but I promise the draft is there the context is that they’re in Okina and they try out the gacha machines. Mim’s genuinely having fun but they pull a teru teru bozu which um. remind them they’re supposed to dutiful god. like they look like a teru teru bozu. and that they’re supposed to treat this as an experiment to see humans’ true desires so they just shove it to Adachi who harmlessly relates it to them because it honestly looks stupid annd the whole tension dissipates.

here's also a bit of writing alll the way back in feb. i guess the context would be episode 13 and 14 where nanako leaves her loveline umbrella with the fox except this time she doesnt get wet since she had a pit stop at the gas station yaayy :mimyay:

The little girl left her umbrella by the torii with the fox as a gesture of her kind heart. Then she hugged the plastic bag in her arms and began to run straight home.

The rain was pouring hard! The summer wasn't as kind as her, nor would the crashing showers that would come after days of blazing heat.

Every step she took quickly became squickly and soggy as her shoes and socks were already soaked through. Her pigtails were getting heavy and her bangs almost covered her eyes. Just then, she heard a voice in the rain. But before she could look, she slipped forward.

"Ah!" Nanako gasped as she let go of the bag and braced for impact, but heard another "ah-h!" as she was quickly hoisted up with an arm wrapped around her chest, picking her up and felt another arm underneath support her. Her chin now on broad red shoulders that smelled faintly of car exhaust and gas amidst the rain.

The splashing of shoes on the wet pavement along with the crinkling sounds of a plastic bag was heard. Nanako was more worried of whose perfectly dry clothes she drenched with her sopping wet ones.

"You okay, little kiddo?" a familiar voice asked as she was gently set down on dry concrete away from the rain.

"I'm okay," she said, wiping her bangs and looking straight at the stranger in front of her.

It was Moel's gas station attendant, the one Souji works with. "Ah, you're big bro's big b--" she quickly shook her head, "I-I mean, big bro's senpai."

"Heh," the crouched man laughed weakly, it even seemed like he forced that smirk. "I work here too, y'know? Little customer."

"Oh, I'm sorry. And thank you, mister attendant."

"You're welcome, and don't worry about it. 'S not like I'm too mad about it."

An awkward air accompanied the scents of lingering exhaust from the last car and the petrichor from the rain. Although Nanako didn't feel any of this, just to say. It's always been like this with big bro’s senpai, at least how it's been with just Nanako herself. Like right now.

The man continued to crouch and adjust his hat. "Well, you're a silly girl. Why's someone with flowers all over her papers running around in the rain?"

Dunno how long, but I hope you haven't been running around like this for too long. I know you live nearby but your big bro's gonna have to take care of you if you get sick!--I mean, he'll always take care of you. He's a good kid.

If you were out long, I'm impressed how much of this you kept dry! …Just hoped you could've done the same for yourself, hehe.

Ah, but knowledge's different than wisdom, or whatever mister detective said. Hm, he even said I had neither! Maybe that's why I didn't know?

Uh…well….the fox by the shrine…. it was getting wet, so I…

Hm…

Heh, 'can see how you and that kiddo really are alike, little kiddo.

and SURPRISE !!! i found this lying around i thoughtt id add it here because youre so nice and it's so lovely to see you in my notifs all the time THIS IS A JUMPSCARE FOR EVERYONE ELSE sorrryyyy sorry

#persona 4 spoilers #mayonaka terebi suteeshon #gsa sl au #p4 #yukiko amagi #nanako dojima #izanami persona #moel gas station attendant #⛽️🌫#tohru adachi #adanami #assk #cyphere #boot.tingting #arttag #latigaux #// crazyy crazy my artstyle changed at least a billion times this year and last year #// sorry for all the manga pages and shit out of context i also put a lot since i get like one or two asks on my ask games im trying to mak #// make the most out of it because this gas station doesnt have the best marketing department <- i am the marketing department #// OKAYYYYY OKAY SOSOS MUCH COMMENTARY sorry for not shutting up i am an npc youd get so mad at #// for interacting with because youre stuck with 27 unskippable dialogue boxes if you do #// hi coming back to add more tags since im still awake it means alot to me that i could get people to like this idiot it fills my heart up #// sorry if that.s a bit cheesy. also my heartfelt and genuine apologies i made you trip and fall in this hole somewhat and i cant provide #// as much as i would like to. as a starving man i .i cant really cook much theres rootcrops in my head that um.dont get harvested sometime #// sorry for litera;lly making bullshit analogies that dont make sense i dont have a lot of people to talk to. so those rootcrops just #// grow roots deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and i do pull it out it just takes a while and it s so .big

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nayialovecat · 1 year

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Not sure if I missed this, but did you ever give your opinion on Bendy's new design? Do you like/not like it? What about his new beast form?

Well, first let's start with the fact that I'm annoyed at how lazy Bendy's attacks are made on our character - when we don't wait for him to kill us, we don't see Bendy at all. I miss the ink spots and being able to track Bendy around the Studio. BATDR, why are you so lazy made? But suppose I somehow got a good look at him in the game. His design… uh…

In BATIM it was interesting. Bendy was unusual. Part of his body resembled a cartoon, second one was human part. He looked caricatural and grotesque - and the fact that he was also an immortal being murdering me made me really afraid. To this day, I am afraid to go through the 3rd chapter of BATIM and I have the impression that with each of my deaths at the hands of Bendy, I lose a piece of my soul. In BATDR… Bendy is literally the devil in appearance. He has hooves. Nice, but why both? Why did they drop that asymmetry that was so wonderful in BATIM? He's got… a strange mouth that doesn't seem to have lips or skin, since you can see the bottom row of teeth. It's disgusting, but not scary. His horns are overly weird. The character seems rather pathetic instead of scary - they could either make him in the form of a truly terrifying devil or a bigger grotesque, and they went into… this. The only thing I like about BATDR Bendy's appearance is the dorsal spines. The dorsal spines have my thumb up.

As for the form of the Beast… I'm in CHAPTER TWO. I haven't seen the Beast, even if his appearance has been spoilered for me, I'll deny it until I get to the Beast in the game - and let's stick to that, okay?

By the way, please don't ask for things I haven't had a chance to see in the game yet because you might inadvertently make a spoiler for me and then I'll never finish the game… right now spoilers I got from bad tagging on tumblr about lil' Bendy and the last one chapter of the game spoiled my desire to continue playing it, so I'm stuck in this 2nd chapter…

But still - thanks for your question. I needed to say all of that in public sphere :D BATDR Bendy is gross. Not scary. Gross.

#asknayia #BATDR #Bendy #Ink Bendy #Ink Demon #oh my gosh... he's really gross #why? WHY?

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lego-owl-house-project · 1 year

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Lego Owl House Project WIP 01: The Rough Draft

I’m a year and a half into this project, but since I only just made this blog, I have a backlog of old WIP post to write! Here’s the first one.

The Owl House is shaped really weird. I knew from the onset that getting the dimensions of the building exactly right would be a challenge, so before starting on the actual model, the first thing I had to do was construct a mock-up. This initial rough draft now serves as the blueprint for the actual model.

The first step for this was deciding on the footprint of the model. There are no direct overhead shots of the Owl House as of yet, and there definitely weren’t any when I started, so figuring out exactly how long all of the walls are in relation to each other was tricky. I had to use several screenshots showing the Owl House from different angles to piece the footprint together (pun intended).

With the outline determined, I had to figure out where all the rooms are. The Owl House crew clearly put a lot of work into keeping things consistent, because pretty much every room we see in the show does in fact have a specific location within the house—I’m almost certain they have full blueprints of the Owl House somewhere that just haven’t been made public. The first floor was pretty easy:

Looks pretty good so far! I wanted the model to be as close to a real house as possible, which meant including everything—even the hallways no one thinks about. Unfortunately, this is where I began running into a recurring problem: The Owl House, as is standard for cartoon buildings, is much bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. For example, whenever we see the inside of the kitchen in the show, it looks to be nearly square—but when you fit it inside this true-to-the-show floor plan, it winds up looking wide and short.

Next, I had to figure out the Owl House’s vertical dimensions. To do this, I first built the front facade:

Working off of the facade, I could then determine the heights of everything else. To make sure that every detail is in the exact right place, I used a ruler to measure the distances between various architectural details on my computer screen, and then converted my measurements from centimeters to brick lengths find the correct relative distances.

Here’s the completed mock-up from the front:

On to the floor plan for the second floor!

The problem of the Owl House being bigger on the inside returns here in full force. To make space for a 4-stud-wide hallway (the minimum width necessary for minifigures to comfortably fit through), all three 2nd-floor rooms wind up being pretty tiny, especially Luz’s room.

This is also where some of the show’s inconsistencies become apparent. For example, I know that the bathroom is located as shown above because of the following scene (screenshots not in chronological order; it’s just to show the process of elimination):

However; we can clearly see in a shot from the same episode that, to the right of the bathroom door, the hallway either ends in a wall or turns a corner, rather than leading into a staircase as it does in my model. I have no idea where the staircase is actually supposed to be, but what I decided on is definitely incorrect—I just had no other options.

The hallways are also generally difficult to place. There’s a hallway right outside Eda’s room which has a window, implying that Eda and Luz’s rooms should be on different floors, but given that Eda’s room is shown to be level with the open air platform full of plants in S1E4: The Intruder, the existence of a third floor just doesn’t make sense. The hallways are also sometimes shown to turn corners, which the floor plan of the Owl House just plain doesn’t have the internal space for.

All this to say that, in determining the layout of the Lego model, some assumptions and compromises had to be made. Every room wound up with a small footprint and a high ceiling, meaning that the internal details will be squished; a problem exacerbated by the fact that Lego minfigures are wide and short compared to actual humans while TOH characters are thin and tall.

Regardless, I was able to complete a rough draft of the model that looks pretty accurate overall! Here’s the back:

Despite the weirdness of hallway layouts and two floors vs three floors, the mock-up accounts for every room we see in the show save for the basement, which I count as a win! It’s highly accurate from the outside, and accurate enough from the inside.

The final model will have the exact same dimensions as the rough draft, but with the walls and roofs filled in, and of course with way, way more detail. :D

[Next WIP link placeholder]

Intro & Navigation

#wip #toh #the owl house #lego #lego the owl house #toh fanart #the owl house fanart #this counts as fanart right?#No one ever said fanart had to be 2d

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girl4music · 2 years

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This gender/sexuality identity shit is too confusing and complicated for me.

I just find it funny that there’s people out there that see a huge difference between gender and sexuality when they’ve always been tied neatly in a bow for me. That’s why the term “queer” is used as an all-inclusive term for LGBT. Because being queer is gender and sexuality tied together. Which keeps things simple. Condensed down. Easy to understand. Some people refer to it as the term for not knowing or not being able to decide which letter of LGBT you fall into.

Take me and my “identity” for example:

In sexuality I’ve been identifying myself as bisexual. I’m attracted to men and women. I would date men and women. Not at the same time obviously, but in and out of romantic/sexual relationships. But then one day I got asked the question “Well, wouldn’t you be attracted to a transgender or non-binary person?” “Wouldn’t you date a transgender or non-binary person?” And my immediate answer to that was “Yes”. To which they then responded “Well, then you’re not bisexual. You’re pansexual.” And that confused the hell out of me. Now I’ve done some research because the confusion was bothering me too much not to. The label just doesn’t fit right. It doesn’t feel like me at all. So now I’m just going by the term “queer” which is what I started as. Truth be told, I don’t know what I am but I do know that I am very queer. That’s fits me. Some people still think of it as a slur but it works for me at the moment so I’m taking it because ever since that interaction I had, I’ve been very confused because I thought bisexuality included transgender and non-binary people. I mean transgender people in particular are also men and women too so it only made sense to me that they were included in bisexuality. It didn’t even occur to me for a second that they weren’t. This is how confusing as fuck this whole gender and sexuality identity shit is to me. It’s almost like I’m supposed to think of transgender and non-binary people as 3rd and 4th genders. And that’s just not right to me so I’m not going to do that. I mean I don’t think of cismen and ciswomen as 1st and 2nd genders. I don’t think anybody does to be honest 🫤

I think I’ve figured it out why gender and sexuality confuses me so much and why identity in general bothers me so much. I’ve always understood this gender and sexuality identity shit as a scale or a spectrum. Not as a multiplication and division equation. When it comes to the effort of understanding something, why in the world do people insist on adding on when the logical thing to do is to take away? And I feel like that’s what we’re doing with this whole gender and sexuality thing. This LGBT thing. We’re adding numbers and we’re adding letters to better understand our identities. We’re not actually inspecting the in-betweenness of identity. The middle. Traditionally, you have a “man” and a “woman”. To most people that makes sense as a binary. As a one or the other. Not so much as a both or either. But this is how it works in my brain…

Man———————————————————— Woman

That whole ass space in the middle that seemingly separates the binary… that’s what I think we should focus on. But instead we’ve got all these new terms and definitions for gender and sexuality. More labels and more places to put those labels. There’s so much shit being added on to what there already is that nobody’s looking in the middle of what there already is. Now I’m not saying there’s only 2 genders and that’s it. That there’s only “man” and “woman” and that’s all there can be. I’m not saying that. What I’m saying is there’s room for expansion into discovering more of what “man” and “woman” is. There is space between the binary we already have to explore and to examine before we go creating new labels and new categories. If we can do that then we can get rid of the gender/sexuality stereotypes that “man” and “woman” get put in and think about the bigger picture to it all rather than cutting down and putting the separate pieces into compartments away from each other and then calling those pieces something entirely different. That’s what we love to do, you know - us humans. Slicing and dicing. Dividing it down. We’re convinced that if we get it down to it’s smallest particle we’ll finally know the truth of it. But then we start adding on a new term and a new definition for what it is we see from that dividing. So instead of better understanding it - which is the goal. What we actually do is just complicate it. We’re making it harder to understand our identity rather than easier. A “thing” within a “thing” within a “thing” for infinity and beyond. That’s what we do. That’s our instinct as humans. To discover something within something and immediately perceive of it as something entirely different from the something it came from. Gender and sexuality is merely only the very surface of that rabbit hole we dig ourselves into. It gets much deeper… for sure it does because we have a very big and deep Universe and a very big and deep mind. Seemingly endless. Too big and deep to grasp for any of us. Yet we love to term and define everything that’s seemingly within it. In so doing we forget about the bigger picture while focusing on the smaller one. Therefore not seeing it as one whole ass picture. While the Universe and our mind expands… I have to adamantly attest that what we see or perceive from this expansion doesn’t change from what it was. That is to say that it’s not suddenly something entirely different from what it came from although it may look like it. It may even behave like it. But it’s not. We only see or perceive of it as such because we’re used to it. We’re used to picking apart something and then referring to that something as separate to the something that we picked it from. And I have to say…

I’m really getting fucking tired of it. Of all of it.

This game we play. This behaviour pattern we’re in of instead of connecting the dots to get the whole picture of what is, we just seem to be colouring in the lines and shapes so they don’t seem even remotely like each other so how could we possibly think they could connect? It’s no wonder divided is what we are when we absolutely refuse to see how we are whole.

Gender and sexuality - it’s a small and shallow scale. But you can see my point through it, surely. We do this shit with EVERYTHING! And I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it’s not “identity” that bothers me so much. Rather how we think of identity as a collective consciousness. Separate, divided, different. And I scratch my head when I attempt to think about it in the ways so many do. If “I” represents individualism and that’s a good and progressive thing to focus on because it tells us we each have something to offer in the world - something to be of service for and something worth living for…. then why the hell does it feel so god damn segregating and oppressing? Why do I feel like focusing on my identity or anyone else’s feels more like I’m boxing myself/them in and shutting myself/them out? Why does it feel more like an exclusion and an isolation than an inclusion and a connection? The answer is obvious.

There is no binary. There is no 0 and 1. There is no adding and taking away. There is no multiplying and dividing. It is singular and it is total at the same time. If you don’t understand what I’ve just said that’s fine. I don’t blame you when we’ve made understanding so damn difficult to do in the first place and we’re so used to a system that’s done nothing but complicate everything. Our lives - our identities - our true nature. I don’t blame anyone for being as confused as I am with this whole gender and sexuality identity shit that never makes anything simple enough to understand. But to me it’s part of a much bigger problem that we have where we insist on everything having to be its own thing in its own place and can’t come out of it. Because even when we have come out already, we’re still forced into an entirely different enclosed space. And it’s like - I thought this was supposed to be a damn community, not a prison. What the fuck? 🤨

#gender #sexuality #LGBTQ #LGBT #queer #bisexuality #pansexuality #identity #binary #transgender #non binary #this shit is confusing #this shit is complicated #make it more simple

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dreamlandcreations · 2 years

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I Bet the Pot

chef!Alfie x manager!Reader (modern!au)

Summary: Alfie is stirring you up and enticing you into a bet...

Warnings: swearing, teasing, basically food orgy (with pictures, not that kind of orgy), age gap, height difference, mutual pining, tension, it turned really angsty at some point, smut in the 2nd part

a/n: because I had a weird dream 😳 and I should not watch The Great British Bake Off before bed, it's more harmful than any horror movie

Series Masterlist • Part 2 (NSFW)

It was the meeting on your 'off-day'. You were supposed to discuss what will be the schedule and such but the infamous chef proved to be a bigger problem than ever.

"Fuck off." You stare at him in utter disbelief.

He must have had a bad day or this was really something you're pushing his buttons with because he never shut you down like that.

"Fuck you." Every head in the kitchen snaps in your way at your outburst. No one talks to Alfie Solomons like that.

His mood switches in an instant. Others always say that he is hard to read, that his crazy has no sense so you shouldn't look for any but you always saw him, you always understood why he does or says those 'crazy things'.

But right now, as he sheds his frustration and steps closer to you with a dangerous look and a hint of a smirk, you finally understand what everyone was talking about.

"If you insist." The offer, more precisely how he delivers it, takes your breath away but you pull yourself together in a second.

You were used to the effect he had on you, even if he liked to pretend to be oblivious until now, you tried your best to manage it. You managed to deal with him every day since your stranger of a father left his share of the business to you. You've been dealing with him and all the mess he comes with so you didn't hesitate to snap back at him because this time he went out of line for no reason.

"I insist on doing your job and letting me do mine." You hiss at him and you can practically feel how the staff's eyes widen as they've never seen you out of your professional businessman character.

"I'm not doing this." He waves the new menu draft like it's the most offending piece of paper he ever came across. When, in fact, all you did was update it with a few baked goods as per the online questionnaire showed high interest in that option without it actually being an option.

You try to show a calm exterior as you take the paper back from him with a little theatrical shrug that says 'alright, have it your way'.

"Well, if you can't do it, I can hire a baker." You turn your back to him and try to walk away as you deliver the mocking challenge that gets the exact reaction you were hoping for.

"Uuuu." The staff responds in sync like they practised that simultaneously painful and amused sound.

"What did you just fuckin' say, lil' bird?" Alfie grabs your arm and turns you around to face him again. He used that nickname to keep his distance from, to remind himself why he shouldn't pursue you and it got even more annoying when he realised you understand what he does.

This time, you wouldn't let it slide. "Should I repeat myself, grandpa?"

"Shut up." You both yell at the staff who dared to quietly snicker at your remark. Only Ada had a smile on after that.

"You come into my kitchen, right, my kitchen..." He does that thing where he walks into your personal space and yells at you in close range but he somehow restrained that yelling to a slightly raised voice which you are not afraid to match as you look up at him

"Your kitchen? I own half of it and I have a say in what goes in here whether you like it or not."

"If you keep this up, you can look for another chef." He speaks in a hushed tone now, a threatening finger is pointed in your way but you can't take it seriously.

"Pfft, right."

"What was that? You have something else to say, lil' bird?" His voice turns growly at the end, making you shiver and sparing a glance at his lips.

"Plenty." You step back to give yourself some room to breathe but it doesn't help much. Regardless, you keep talking. "One: Stop calling me that, old man. Two: I think you'd sooner set this place on fire than let someone else run it. And three: Who the fuck do you think would put up with you?"

"Don't forget who 'as that other 'alf of the shares, sweet'eart. You can have a say in this kitchen, right, if you actually worked in it and proved yourself. Until then... Fuck. Off." With the pause, he crowded you again, your face only an inch away from his and you almost give in to your desire to kiss him.

"What are you doing?" He asks as you step further away this time and take off your blazer.

"Proving myself. They will pick the challenges and we will start the bake off." You explain while you get the papers for them to write down the suggested challenges that you'll pick from randomly.

"Do you even remember how to cook an egg, sweetheart?"

You drop the pen in your hand with too much force and it bounces off the counter while you march to the difficult man to start your arguing all over. This time out of hearing distance so your audience wasn't aware of what was going on and they began to talk among themselves while you settled the deal.

"I don't have to. You have a problem with baking, so we are baking."

"Not making fucking bread, treacle." The fucking nicknames get on your last nerves and that leads to you letting out your nasty side again.

"Give up that easy?" He leans down and takes hold of your chin, digging his fingers into your skin to drive through his point as he pulls you closer.

"I'm not in the mood, don't fuck with me."

"Tough luck, you challenged me. Either live up to it or give up." You regret this as soon as it's out. Something is off and you shouldn't have pushed him like this.

You know it's late too to back off as soon as he flashes you that wicked grin that promises no good.

"What do I get when I win?" His grip turns into caresses as he slowly brushes along your jawline.

The smugness he displays is enough to drag you back into the fight right after your moment of clarity.

"If you win, I'll never interfere with the menu again."

"Hmm, what else?" His sudden, increasingly good mood didn't sit with you well at all.

"What do you want?" You ask cautiously.

"What do you want?"

If he only knew...

"When I win, you'll have to behave for a month. No swearing, no making a fool of interviewers, no telling guests that they have no taste and no arguing with my decisions."

"Huh, a month? No fucking way." He pulls away and you blame the dizziness for what leaves your lips next.

"Scared?"

You think this is the point he will literally throw you out of the kitchen but he surprises you for the hundredth time within this hour.

"Fine. Have it your way."

"Deal."

"Wait." You realise you agreed way too quickly and narrow your eyes at him as you ask the dreaded question. "What do you want if you win?"

He leans in to whisper it into your ear and you almost faint at the picture he paints for you with his words.

"Like... in front of people?" Looking up at him you see the almost gentle smile he graces you with. He's still laughing at you but at the same time not really.

"No, just the two of us."

"Oh..." Utterly frozen, you frankly cease to function at that point.

"Or you can give up." That was aimed to snap you out of it but only did half the job.

"No. Ok, that's ok. It's on." You ramble on nervously as you move back to the others.

"Alright, what are we cooking?" He booms behind you and you roll your eyes at his antics before gently reminding him of the matter of your argument.

"Baking. We are baking."

"Fuck me."

The first task was to make 12 identical bars with creamy fillings and chocolate icing. You went with raspberry while he chose coffee and you already saw how the jury will be in trouble.

"How should I decide? They are too different flavours altogether. It's like comparing red and white wine. Makes no sense. They are both exceptionally good." Ada was whining while Ollie and the others nodded along and then came up with something different.

Bread. One spicy and one sweet.

Alfie was uncharacteristically silent during this. It was a wonder only you noticed but the rest of the group was busy making bets of their own and guessing what you promised to do if you'll lose as you refused to tell them and they didn't dare to ask Alfie.

You were worried about him and tried to ask what was wrong but he brushed you off. Not as rudely as he did when this whole argument started but the same irritation was still there beneath it.

The first round was considered as a draw, then you've won with the Smoky Jalapeño Bread but his Malt Loaf beat yours so the second round was still a draw and they were trying your nonexistent patience.

The 'final' round resulted in the same argument as the first.

They were too different, it was impossible to pick, bla, bla, bla. You offered a draw, you offered to yield but it was refused by both the judges and your chef.

You considered just leaving until Tommy Shelby decided to enter this fucking nightmare.

"Ah. Tommy. Finally, a sensible man." Alfie greeted him, pulling him in to find a conclusion. They explained to him what was going on while you were boiling in rage at the furthest corner.

"Hers is prettier." You actually snorted at that and for the first time in hours, you saw a hint of a smile cross Alfie's face before he turned to his friend with a frown.

"Tommy. I am going to fucking fire you." The threat sounded like he said he was going to shoot him or something, and any other man would have shrunk under the weight of that but not Tommy fucking Shelby.

Their strange friendship often brought a smile to your face. The knowledge that there is someone there for Alfie who understands him like you do and who he actually lets close enough to find comfort in when the people around you seem to fade into the background as necessary parts of your everyday life.

"I don't work for you, Alfie." Despite the calm and sure statement, he technically did work for him. The Shelby company delivered the best wine and they got their reputation by meeting the standards of the great Alfie Solomons.

"That's fuckin' obvious, innit?" Alfie grumbled at his friend and you noticed that wordless exchange they had over something before Tommy turned away to pointedly look at you.

Tommy was actually your friend first, you've met in France and quickly became close but you knew he needed someone as well. Someone who he could level with and wasn't a girl almost a decade younger than him.

Sometimes you were outright regretting sharing him, it happened right after you introduced them, as you guessed it would, they just clicked right away. You usually quickly got rid of that burning jealousy caused by the boys leaving you out. Not today, though.

Not when Tommy obviously knew what was going on and you were left in the dark, helplessly watching the man you love more than anything hurting himself over a stupid game that he refused to let you quit.

Ollie was enjoying the game and taken up the role of the host so he announced what was coming next. "Alright, final final round. Molten lava cake for everyone."

And that's all it took, Alfie's mood slipped back to that brooding silence until the game ended. You worked in quiet, not even paying that much attention to what you were doing, your mind was on the man working on the other side of the kitchen.

"Sorry, Boss." That's all you got after this. He won.

"What?" It can't be that good. "Gimme that."

Stealing Tommy's piece, you get another fork and dig in. "Hmm. Oh, God."

You hear Alfie grunt something that suspiciously sounded like a "Fuckin' hell".

"That sounded like you just came." Ada was the only one who dared to tease you like this. She knew of your feelings and enjoyed every moment of your 'drama' as she put it.

"I think I just did." You mumble, reaching for another bite. "Oh." You moan again at the incredible taste and turn to the grumpy man who bested you in what was practically your own game.

"What the hell did you put up that fight for? This is heaven... wait, no... it's fucking orgasmic.... so it must be sinful... Hmm..." You keep eating while you are talking, taking breaks for the small bites, it's like you can't get enough of it and joke's on him because you are unintentionally driving him crazy with your moans.

Alfie leans in, so only you could hear his raspy voice, deeper than usual and full of restrained desire.

"I am lookin' forward to 'earin' those lovely sounds 'morrow." At this, you actually clenched around nothing, so hard that you jolted up and almost fell off of the fucking chair.

The words, his voice, his closeness, it's all too much to handle. He makes you feel like you are burning up and he drinks in your reaction with a hungry gaze that tells you to be prepared for some wicked things because tomorrow you are on the fucking menu.

Series Masterlist • Part 2 (NSFW)

#alfie solomons #alfie solomons x you #alfie solomons x reader #alternate universe #modern au #⚡#🌎#my stuff #my fics

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shiversdownyerspine · 3 years

Text

12. Touch

Miss me? :D

18+

Cheeks still burning from the prior antics of the Swedish men in your living room, you toss your leggings and underwear haphazardly to your laundry basket as you hear Otto enter their guestroom to change. Normally you would have had the presence of mind to hold on to your perfectly fine leg wear, but you're a bit distracted with the lingering sensation of skin against skin and have gone into auto pilot.

Shiver curling down your spine at the memory of their teasing, you try to focus on the soft patter of rain against your bedroom window as you pace to your dresser for a change of clothes. To no avail, the rain isn't enough to keep you distracted.

Axel and Oscar had gotten you good, and just when you thought Otto had offered you respite from his roguish siblings, the biggest of the brothers had snuck in a cheeky kiss!

Well...a kiss on the cheek, to be precise.

Grabbing up replacement leggings and underwear, you refuse to let your mind sink into the concept of kisses. Because if you did, you would start thinking about lip to lip kisses instead. And your poor heart has just managed to settle its rapid pace, you don't need any more stimulation.

Clothing donned and dress smoothed, you breathe in, hold it, and breathe out. It doesn't eradicate the jittery butterflies as you had hoped it would, but it does help soothe them somewhat. Looking to your bathroom, you tiptoe to the door and quietly peek inside.

Looks like Thing 1 and 2 could care less about storms; curled up together inside the sink, the two appear to be enjoying a nap. Even with a soft lingering rumble of thunder, they are still. Not a twitch of the ear or tail to be seen. Hm. Might as well let them snooze. If the storm gets heavy, you'll check on them again.

Trusting that the kittens are house broken, you leave the bathroom door open a crack as a nice surprise for them and grab up the towel before heading out of your room. You'll have to remind yourself to do a load of laundry tonight. As you wander over to the washer to deposit the towel, your ears pick up the sound of the brothers softly conversing in Swedish. The squeak of the washing machine door seems to interrupt the conversation, and as you pop the door closed and wander back out to the living room, you find the brothers looking quite expectantly at you from the sofa.

Or at least Axel and Otto are on the sofa, Oscar had gotten up to give Butternut some attention. Still barechested, he cocks his head inquisitively at you.

"Kattungar...kittens good?"

"Mhm, they're napping. They don't really seem bothered by the storm so I'll leave them be for now."

Oscar nods, satisfied as he scratches a furry chin before lifting the fluffball up to deposit her on the armchair next to the sofa. Content on her throne, the cat purrs away as Oscar kneels in front of her to give extra scritches.

Armchair occupied, you sit in the only available spot on the sofa, settling comfortably on the end next to Axel. It would seem that when Otto had changed he had also grabbed his brothers some upper clothing, but the youngest had decided to use his as a makeshift cushion for Butternut's throne.

Clearing your throat, you pick up where you left off, "Sooo...yes, I have a 2nd Phase. And I'm not going to answer any questions about it, as the original intent was to stick to questions about my 1st Phase."

Hoping to get back on track, you watch as Oscar leaves Butternut to her oh so comfy chair and settles down next to you on the floor with his back against the sofa. He cranes his head a bit to watch you, face scrunched in thought. Mind made up, he raises his chin in defiance and says a single word.

"One."

You stiffen, looking down at a stubbornly focused Oscar. One, is it? Of course there is no doubt to what he is referring to; he wants a question, a single question about your 2nd Phase.

Arms folded, thoughts ebb and flow as you consider his request. How much would this effect you? Effect them? Would they even ask something you could answer? Regardless of the question they decide on, this is quite the heavy topic for you.

But they are now aware that you can be dangerous, and it's just one question after all.

Feeling their eyes on you, waiting patiently, your gaze drifts to your knees with a sigh.

"Just. One," You acquiesce, softening as the words slip from your lips.

Oscar perks up with eager surprise, prompting you to warn, "But keep in mind, I might not even be able to answer. My 2nd Phase is...complicated in a way. There's not much I can say because I don't know much about it."

Feeling Axel's eyes burning into you with arguably the most intensity, you peer to the side to address something that had been lingering on the edge of your mind since you woke in Otto's arms, "And could I ask for something in return?"

You take the curious tilt of the man's head as a good sign that he'd at least hear you out, which he confirms, "Yes. But it depends."

A bit bashful, you murmur, "Fair enough, it is sort of an odd request. Would you like to ask your question first?"

Axel throws a pointed stare to Oscar, a clear warning that he had better not try to steal this question as he had done previously. The youngest just relaxes comfortably back against the sofa, content to leave the rest up to his older siblings. In the meantime, he curiously eyes your leggings...something is odd...

Otto watches the eldest, knowing he was carefully considering options. If he had to guess, Axel was most likely trying to figure out what question would lead to giving them the most information. The oldest would have to compromise, seeing as how you had given them a limit. The mystery is tempting to linger on, but honestly Otto is more curious about just what you want to ask of them, what you could possibly want that the three could give.

Finally Axel decides upon the question, it's deceptive in its simplicity.

"What are differences between 1st Phase and 2nd?"

You relax, appreciative that this won't pry too much into your history nor ask that you go into detail about a certain something that the higher ups would rather you not mention.

"Really you can think of my 2nd Phase as being the natural progression of my 1st. If my 1st Phase is for when I'm hurt, then my 2nd Phase is for when I'm dying."

Fidgeting, your hands lightly clasp together as you continue, "I have more feathers, not just the.. fluffy down, but semiplume and contour feathers. More scales, but bigger. Much, much longer claws with a slight curve, and enhanced regeneration and senses. That's about it, I think."

There is further detail you could go into about the...visceral nature of your healing in that state, but you'd rather not. Not right now, but maybe another time. The brothers give a silent pause, one of acceptance, you hope, and then ask when you first discovered your ability.

Your hand drifts to the back of your neck, "Well, I discovered the feathers on my nape first. Very strange, almost panicked and tried to rip them out but eventually I just...got used to them. Surprisingly quickly. Kept them hidden as much as possible, so I would never let our caretaker cut my hair, no ponytails or buns or braids or anything. She was not pleased with me being a 'wild child' and 'rebelling'."

You grin, "One time, she had had enough and announced that next morning she would be cutting my hair short, right to my ears. And that there was no way I was getting out of it and I'd get no supper until it was done."

Otto questions, "Did she..?"

"Oh no, I um...that night after everyone went to bed, I crept out and hid every pair of scissors I could find. Even the pair in her office, had to sneak in through the window for that one. I was pretty thorough, come morning she couldn't find any, and by dinnertime she had given up. She couldn't prove it was me, but she gave me the stink eye for weeks."

Oscar sighs dramatically, "No dinner."

"Ah see, she tried to stick to her guns, but she was a big softie; came knocking on my door with a plate for me, but said, 'Only proper ladies get to eat with everyone, you will be eating alone to think about what you've done.' I should have just kept quiet but...I asked her what exactly I had done, and her face went so red! Didn't say a word and just walked right out, mumbling to herself the whole time."

Shaking your head with a soft smile, you murmur, "I caused that woman so much grief. Never really meant to...not usually."

Axel gets you back on track with an amused hum, "First Phase?"

"Well...I liked to climb trees when I was young. Quite a lot. But one day after a heavy storm...I think I was ten?...I slipped and landed badly, right on top of my wrist. I heard it crack and then suddenly...there it was. I noticed the changes and hurled myself into the forest as fast as I could before anyone could see me. Sat under a tree for a couple of hours, trying to figure out what happened. Then I realized that my arm was feeling better until eventually it didn't hurt at all. The changes went away soon after."

Everything had been so chaotic back then, nothing made sense anymore. The world had been turned on its head. And you had suddenly been given new rules to play by in hopes of keeping a secret you hadn't really known how to keep at the time.

"I stayed in the woods a while longer, not really sure what to do, worried it would come back. I was getting hungry and it was getting dark and cold, so that helped me make up my mind. I went back and...adapted. I couldn't let anyone see that side of me. People who are different aren't treated all that kindly. And I'm as different as they come, to say the least."

Otto frowns, expression lightly sullen before he points out the inevitable, "But you were found."

You hesitate a moment before relenting, "Mhm. When I was twelve years old a man broke the rules and faced the consequences. I suppose I did too, in a way."

A vague explanation. But it was something, some small piece of the puzzle.

The brothers had been wondering when and how you had gotten the attention of the Commission for recruitment. It was extremely rare, but sometimes adults with abilities were considered. However given your current role, perhaps it was decided you weren't fit for field or office work? It was very strange that the company would go out of its way to accommodate you like this, pretty much unheard of. Why would the Commission even consider this sort of work in the first place? The concerns of their employees are seldom acknowledged, so this was a little absurd.

Axel addresses this, "Your role in the Commission, how did it happen?"

The raised eyebrow you throw at him says it all; you've answered this question before, multiple times. What is he expecting to find?

He rephrases, "Not the usual work, instead they offer you this role in particular. Completely new role. Why?"

Mild surprise crosses your features; that's a good question, and given the previous conversation it shows they've still been wondering how your ability could possibly play a part in the Commission's interest in you. Not that you had expected them to drop it completely.

You give an honest answer.

"They most likely didn't think I was fit for any other role, maybe didn't trust me on the field given the nature of my ability. Can you imagine what would happen if I was on a mission and had my ability recorded and distributed? Sure they could probably cover it up as a hoax, but still! The sheer scale of the mess they'd have to clean up, the paperwork alone would be a nightmare. There's only so much I can do to prevent my changes. Besides, my 2nd Phase isn't the most...subtle."

A short wry laugh leaves your lips as you continue, "All in all, I think I'd be more trouble than I'd be worth. As for a desk job...well....could you imagine yourselves working in an office, stapling, photocopying, pushing papers for a living?"

Axel gives a huff of a laugh as his brothers grimace in disgust. Point taken.

"No offense to the people who do that sort of thing. And I do have to research and take notes when I'm taking care of my animals and my home, so there's still an aspect of that. But those lines of work weren't even offered. It was either this or..."

Oscar's brow furrows, "..Or?"

"..or basically be seen as an anomaly myself and responded to as such."

There's a pregnant pause as the brothers uncomfortably consider the choice given to you. It wasn't all that odd, the company has been known to strong-arm some prospective agents. But the choices given to you at the time, to die or become, of all things, an animal caretaker? That was bizarre.

Perhaps there was something they weren't seeing.

You sigh in response to their silence, "I can understand how they would be concerned that I might one day become a threat. I can't expect them to just leave it to chance."

Oscar nudges your leg with an elbow, prompting you to turn your attention to him.

"Trust issues."

With a smile you return the nudge with your knee, giggling when he curls his arm around your lower leg for a possessive squeeze, "I think that's something every powerful corporation has in common."

Another rumble of thunder has you peering at the window; it would seem the storm has grown a bit, if the considerable amount of rain assaulting the glass isn't evidence enough. Nothing too bad though.

A brush to your arm redirects your attention; Axel pulls his hand back, resting it on his thigh as he asks what your request is.

The butterflies are back, despite your best efforts.

"Like I said, it's a little strange."

You peer down at your hands, pushing yourself onwards, "If I am overstepping boundaries, please let me know, but...it has to do with my condition. Last night was fairly bad, so I want to see if I can keep it from getting to such a point. At least until I can find something more permanent."

Professional. That's what this has to be, what you have to be. Otherwise your face is going to erupt into flames.

Their eyes on you are heavy, quizzical yet patient. Otto's suspicions, however, are quickly being aroused.

"So..seeing as how...physical contact works? That's what I'm asking for."

There. It's out. Now it's up to them.

And yet you can't help but still feel a bit...twitchy. On edge. It's as if something has changed, the air feels almost...charged.

The eldest brother throws professionalism out the window.

"You want us to touch you?"

Axel's question is murmured softly, yet the way it pierces your heart is in clear contrast. His words slide over your skin and between your legs in a provocative tingle.

The deer in headlights look that you sport is too charming. The brothers half-expect you to scold their older brother's subtly vulgar teasing, but to their surprise after a second you're heaving a heavy sigh and nodding.

"Basically, yes."

With a huff you defend your request, "Otherwise I will most likely be hoarding all the hot drinks in this house and waking you all up late in the night."

You don't know for sure if it would work, as even without the chill of winter you had still needed a warm embrace. Otto's hands on you hadn't been enough. Your body had insisted on more to the point that you had thrown caution to the wind, scooted in close, and wrapped your arms around his neck. Still you had hope that even if this didn't work completely, you could still greatly delay reaching that point.

Oscar peers out the window at the weather; Fall is approaching, and thus an even bigger issue for your condition is looming on the horizon, "Winter?"

"Okay so..when the cold season comes...I have a feeling I'd need more..of...um," your hand rises to sheepishly rub your brow, "..of what happened with you, Otto."

Otto perks up, but masks his interest as he considers your approaching problem with a serious disposition, all while recalling the weight of you in his arms as he carried you, how snuggly you had pressed to him as you slept. He knew he wouldn't mind a repeat. He knew his brothers wouldn't mind having you wrapped around them either.

The youngest can't resist teasing, "You liked sleeping with Otto? Want us too? Girig tjej."

Flustered but cautiously optimistic that they hadn't refused yet, you murmur, "Only if you're all comfortable with it. It was nice being able to sleep through the night."

A soft tug on a lock of your hair gives Axel your full attention. He lightly strokes the wisps between thumb and forefinger, watching the strands separate and gather back together before his eyes bore into yours. His hand leaves your hair to return once more to his thigh, "We will help. If you are reaching limit, you tell us."

Little did you know, the brothers had already been planning on having this little chat about your condition with you. You have been good to them, so they had wanted to return the favor. Eye for an eye. They had originally planned on inquiring about space heaters or fireplaces but are quite pleased with the direction the conversation went instead. Perhaps they could bring up the other methods at a..better time.

Before you can thank the three or ask them about any other questions, you jolt, feeling a hand cup your calf and slide up.

You blink down at the top of the culprit's head, a fluttery emotion curling lightly in your chest.

"..Oscar?"

His hand softly squeezes as its owner turns to look at you, your leggings, and then back to you before he asks, "Different?"

...You have got to be kidding.

Realization dusts your cheeks pink, "Oh! Yes, uh..the water."

Otto tilts his head, regarding your clothing with curiosity.

Your change of leggings have been noticed. It's fine. This is fine. Everything is..

The question the youngest asks you is innocence peppered with a tinge of pseudo guilt, "I got you wet?"

Fudge.

He did. But it wasn't just him.

Fighting to keep your tone under control, you respond, "Just a little, you were still a bit damp from outside."

But if that was the case, why hadn't you also changed your dress? You pray they avoid that little detail.

Oscar gleefully waits for his brothers to catch up.

The two confused siblings eye your returning flush with mild interest before suspicion transitions quickly to hesitant disbelief.

Otto's eyes flash from your face to your lap and back up, fingers twitching as stubborn questions demand his utmost attention; how wet had you been? Could you have taken a finger? Two? With lidded eyes and red face, he directs his gaze away to the window in hopes of a distraction. It doesn't work.

Axel's breath catches and holds in his lungs, jaw tense as he recalls the slight almost imperceptible wobble of your legs when Otto had helped you remove yourself from them. Lustful frustration flares his nostrils as his own traitorous mind proposes a rhetorical question and also supplies possible answers; what had you done after you had escaped to your room? Ignored your body's need or...

Oscar glances from your face to his brothers and smirks. Mission clearly accomplished. As for whether or not their teasing had resulted in a wet pair of panties...well. The image itself is potent enough that his curiosity is sated. However he does allow himself a moment to wonder about that little article of clothing; the color, the texture, bows or lace, maybe both?

Still feigning innocence, the man slips his hand down your calf to wrap loosely around your ankle. He leans in and plants a quick kiss at the side of your knee, an action that immediately draws a reaction. As well as the attention of his brothers. The tension in the siblings is quickly reaching its limit; fraying and delicate, demanding to snap.

Bashful, you wiggle your leg but he refuses to grant you freedom, "You'll have to let go eventually, you know."

Tutting softly, Oscar coos, "Thought you wanted more touch? For cold."

Glancing up and down his bare upper torso, you say ever so matter-of-factly, "If anyone's cold right now, it's you Mister."

With a daring move, you rip a couple of fibers of that fragile thread yourself; sliding your hands deep into the folds of the quilt on your lap, you lunge. Before Oscar can react, still distracted by alluring thoughts of you, he's being smothered by the thick, soft material. It's for his own good, don't want him getting sick, after all.

Your ankle is released as the younger brother flails beneath, all the while snarling ferociously yet ineffectively. Grasping a throw pillow to use as a shield, you lift your legs up to the cushions and shuffle away from him and closer to Axel. You hadn't even noticed that the eldest had moved his arm up to the top of the sofa and was watching amused as you pressed right into his side.

Biting your lip to smother your laughter, you watch as Oscar finally breaks free from his prison; hair disheveled and face scrunched, he twists to stare you down, quilt dangling from his shoulder. Before he can get a foot under him to stand, a pillow beams him in the side of the head with wicked speed and accuracy, almost knocking the youngest off balance.

Axel takes a moment to admire Otto's throw before returning his attention to you, his face inches away. Your arm is wrapped tight around your plush shield, hugging it to you as you bury your giggles behind your free hand. He breathes deep, each breath filling his lungs with apples and cinnamon, good enough to eat.

Oscar glowers indignantly at Otto as a flash of lightning splits the air, followed quickly by a noisy crack of thunder. The brothers tilt their heads up to listen, distracted by the storm and then by the orange feline voicing her unhappiness on Otto's lap. You blink, registering where exactly you are...it's going to take some time to get used to being in close contact with them. Your thoughts are interrupted as the scent of cedar and sage drifts into your senses and warms your belly, the warmth of the man at your side now burning hot.

What have you gotten yourself into.

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Kattungar- Kittens

Girig tjej- Greedy girl

#tua The Swedes #Axel x Reader #Otto x Reader #Oscar x Reader #Ikea Mafia #The Swedes #tua Swedes #the swedes x reader #umbrella academy swedes #tua Axel #tua Otto #tua Oscar

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the-necessary-unnecessary · 4 years

Text

Tattoos became Marie's therapy

A translation of this in depth article by TV2 about her tattoos, her family, football, her struggles and moments of survival, Ingrid and about how all these things link together (06/06/2020)

There are butterflies in her stomach. Marie Dølvik Markussen will do something she has done thousands of times before. Yet still, time stands still.

She will only experience this moment once in a lifetime. For many years now, there have been rumours about the 12-year-old from the small village in Kvaløya who can do things with a ball that few others can. Now she stands in Storgata in Tromsø and must impress the royal couple and the Canadian governor. Her skills cause the congregation to close their eyes.

- This is one of the coolest things I've experienced, the 12-year-old proudly thinks. Unaware of the hardships that she will soon have to face.

Marie Dølvik Markussen is the girl who fell in love with the ball - and the girl that is still in her. She was the child star who played on the boys team for Stakkevollan and made headlines in the local press. "The best girl in town," they called her.

As a 15-year-old, she trained with Tromsø's 2nd Division players at Alfheim Stadium. The best women's clubs fought to sign her, and she was among the top goal-scorers on youth national teams.

"Maybe it was a little too much, a little too fast," says Marie, turning her eyes down.

The 23-year-old strokes his arm with dozens of tattoos. The drawings are a work of art that shows everything she has experienced. In total, she has over a hundred pieces, scattered all over her body.

“The tattoos are very personal. They are the result of all that has been. Some of them are from periods of life that I have gone through, that I did not think I would overcome. It is very motivating to look at them now, when it is not so foggy anymore.”

One tattoo shows a man hiding in a hole. "Hide," it says. - It should remind me that if things get difficult or heavy, then you have to practice tuning everything out, and not hiding. Rather withdraw and come back stronger, says Marie. This is what the Tromsø girl was forced to do.

"She is perhaps the greatest talent in Norway alongside Caroline Graham Hansen," Stabæk coach Øyvind Eide told VG in March 2014. He was brilliantly pleased with the latest addition to the squad - 17-year-old Marie Dølvik Markussen.

And Marie delivered. Both in the Toppserien, Champions League and for the u19 national team. She was nominated for "Comet of the Year in the Toppserien".

The nomination came despite the fact that she had been benched for several matches because she had leg and knee injury problems.

“It went from being very fun, to being fun and serious. Then it perhaps the seriousness became a bigger than what I expected, especially what was expected of oneself,” Marie describes. The head and heart would only play ball, but the body repeatedly said no.

In March 2015 news came that put the injury problems into the background. Marie was given her first senior national team call up. In her debut Norway lost 1-2 for the USA, but for Marie this was the biggest moment she had experienced on a football field. Then came an invitation from Germany.

The big Wolfsburg club wanted Marie to try out. “It's like Ødegaard or Real Madrid. Wolfsburg is a giant club,” said Richard Jansen, sporting manager at Stabæk.

Wolfsburg liked what the attacking player was up to during her stay, and a year later, a pro contract was offered. Two days before Christmas Eve, the 19-year-old put her name tag on the papers. But an uncertainty came creeping in.

“I thought it might be too early. At the same time, I've always tried to be tough and go for the opportunities that come my way,” says Marie.

The attacker hoped that the contract with Wolfsburg would give her a fresh start. That the adversity with all the injury issues should be over. That she faced a brighter future. This was not the case.

“I tried, and it didn't work at all. It's a very honest case.” The 23-year-old fixes her gaze and opens up about the difficult times as a pro at the German club Wolfsburg. “I just couldn't stand it.” The harsh training culture gave her body a shock.

“My brother supported me a lot during that year. This is a tattoo that symbolises that I would get through the time I was there, and that we would do it together,” says Marie. She points to a tattoo of a heart and two hands holding each other.

Then her brother got cancer.

“He got sick just before I was supposed to be going home. That was the final straw that made me just pack up and go. Everything else became unimportant.”

Quietly, Marie signed a two-year contract with Vålerenga. While everyone was wondering what had really happened, the Tromsø girl was satisfied by being close to her family and trying to find a way back to herself.

“Making the decision to go home is one of the best things that has ever happened. From being so insecure, both on and off the pitch in Germany, to coming here and being appreciated. I had a lot of unmet needs as a human being there.”

While her brother was fighting cancer, the Vålerenga player began to express herself with ink.

She spent hours in the tattoo parlor. “It has in a way been a ‘safe place’. These are very special hours for me. A time that I use as therapy, really.

The text ‘safe place’ is also tattooed on her neck. And across the back, she and her brother have tattooed the same motif, which symbolises everything they have gone through together.

“It's one of my favourites, smiles the 23-year-old.”

For Marie, the tattoos are a map of life. “I have a whole story on me, and they remind me of what I have accomplished. It is a result of both bad and good moments.”

Now the good feelings are in the majority. Her brother is cancer free, and the Vålerenga player has managed to regain the joy of playing football. Last year she secured the series silver with the team, and this year she will play in the Champions League.

“I have a much healthier approach to football now than I had before. It is not life and death, but it is very important. One must think that one is good enough even if it did not go the way one had thought. I'm very happy with how it has turned out now, that I'll actually be able to give the game another chance.”

Much of the reason why she has not given up is also due to her girlfriend, Ingrid Syrstad Engen, who plays for the club she left, Wolfsburg.

“Ingrid has been, and continues to be, an important piece of my life.”

After four difficult years, Marie regained her chance to be part of the senior team last year. She was not selected for the World Cup, but national team coach Martin Sjögren highlights Marie as one of the players who has clear international potential. “She is a player with an x-factor, which is not so common among Norwegian players. This means that she stands out and interests us,” says the national team manager.

For Marie, the goal is first and foremost to enjoy football. “I just try to take it day by day and do the best I can at training. Then I see where it ends ups”

The hunger to succeed has been revived, not least with her teammates in Vålerenga. It has become her safe place.

“That's why I went home. To find myself properly both on and off the field. To become what I want to be, and help myself a little, maybe.

But if some of my friends and teammates ask what all these tattoos symbolise, they may not get an answer. Some are too personal. “Maybe I'll come up with an interesting story about them. Something that has not really happened. But usually I say very briefly what it means or who it is for, then they let it go.”

#if i loved her before i love her 1000000 times more now #please please please read #this tells you why she left wob why she isn't really called up to the nt #a lot about her tattoos #why she's so close to her brother and so much more #marie dolvik #vfl wolfsburg frauen #norwnt #valerenga damer #og #ingrid engen #marie dølvik

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queen-of-the-avengers · 4 years

Text

You Promised Me!

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: love triangle (kind of), the snap, angst

Request by anon: Would you think about writing a x reader where R and Bucky were an inseparable couple before the snap. Like, she went on the run with him in civil war. And then when the snap happens her and Steve get together, but when Bucky comes back there’s a huge brawl between Steve and Bucky?

Summary: You and Bucky were like two peas in a pod. You two loved each other more than anything in the whole world... then the snap happened, and you spent five years without him in your life. During that time, you grew closer to Steve and learned to fall in love him. Now, everyone who died because of the snap is back, and Bucky doesn’t know you and Steve are now a thing. Who will you choose? Bucky or Steve?

Squares Filled: image prompt (B4) @buckybarnesbingo // museum (1st and 2nd card) @happystevebingo // rome wasn’t built in a day @as-the-saying-goes-bingo // “as maybe the worlds leading authority of waiting too long…” @star-spangled-bingo // confessions @genprompt-bingo // friends to enemies @trope-bingo

Author’s Note: If you have any requests, please send them in! This is unbeta’d and any and all mistakes are all on me.

Never did you think your team would be split like it is now. Never did you think you would have to pick a side for something you understand coming from either side. Never did you think this would end the way it did. Steve and Tony head to head, Bucky caught in the middle of it, friends forced to choose sides instead of working together, and a piece of paper telling the world that the rebels are criminals because of it.

You’re forced to pick a side, and even though you’re a good friend of Tony, you have to pick Steve’s side. It’s going to make Tony an enemy, but it’s what you have to do. Bucky is your boyfriend going on three years now, and you can’t abandon him now. Not after everything you two have been through since you and Steve figured out he was alive after all this time. It took a long time to build the relationship you have with Bucky, and you’re not going to leave him after this.

Steve and Tony are too busy fighting, but it’s not Steve that you’re worried about. Tony made sure to do damage to your boyfriend, and that includes ripping off his metal arm. You’re not sure if it hurts or not, but you’re not going to let him stay long enough to get even more injured. You’re the best mechanic on the team, and you know you can repair his arm with your tools.

Luckily, due to being on the run from the law, you have your own mini lab back at the cabin you, Bucky, and Steve have been staying in until this whole Sokovia Accord thing blows over. Your tools is the only thing that is going to save his arm without handing him back over to Tony or anyone else.

“Come on, Bucky, we need to go,” you grunt and help him to his feet. “Steve!”

His metal arm is lying on the ground, broken and confused, but you grab it anyway. You won’t be able to hold it and help Bucky at the same time. Taking off one of the straps that is part of your outfit, you pick up the arm and wrap it around it and his body so that it hangs off his back. It’s the only way you’re going to get him out of here with it.

“Steve!” you yell and look over at him.

He’s walking away from Tony with his shield, but Tony barely sits up and spits out the blood in his mouth.

“That doesn’t belong to you.”

Steve drops the shield as if it meant nothing to him and helps you with Bucky. You three leave with a shred of decency that Tony allows you to have. You understand he’s angry that it was Bucky that killed his parents, but he doesn’t seem to understand it wasn’t him. It was all HYDRA because they brainwashed him into doing their dirty work. You thought Tony was more evolved than that, but you guess not.

You leave him on the icy country by himself to fend for himself. He got himself into this mess by himself, and he can get himself out of it. You, on the other hand, take Bucky and Steve back to your comfy cabin. It isn’t big by any means, but it’s what you call home these days. If you were to go back t0 your actual home, you would be caught and put in prison. You’re fugitives, so you have to act like it.

“Come on, let’s get this fixed for you,” you say as Steve prepares the fire.

“Is it bad?” Bucky groans.

“Nothing I can’t fix,” you state.

Your tools are all lined up, ready for you to use them. Bucky’s arm isn’t a clean-cut, so adjustments will have to be made. You pick up a small welding machine and tweezers so you can do this one strand at a time.

“Here, Buck,” Steve sighs and hands him a small cup of tea.

“What are we going to do now?” he asks after he takes a sip.

“We live like outlaws until someone needs us, or until the Accords go away. We can’t go back now. It’s too dangerous,” you say as you work.

Steve leaves the room with a sigh, and Bucky turns his head to you. It’s his one moment of privacy, and he’s going to take it. You make eye contact with him and stop working for just a few seconds.

“What is it?” you ask in a low tone.

“Promise me you’ll never leave,” he whispers.

“I promise.”

Fighting with Tony was supposed to be the biggest thing that could ever happen. These Sokovia Accords were supposed to be the end. You, Steve, and Bucky all living like outlaws along with the rest of the Avengers that were on your team, and everyone else hunting you down like animals.

There was never supposed to be a bigger fight.

Until it came, and you had no clue something like this was even out there.

It’s what brought everyone else back as a team because with someone as big of a threat like Thanos, you kind of need everyone working on the same side here. However, it wasn’t Tony that called you three, it was Bruce. You thought he disappeared after what happened with Ultron, but you’re glad he’s back now.

Thanos is a mean and ugly thing, and you were supposed to win. Don’t let him get all six infinity stones was the only goal, and somehow, he managed to do just that. Against every single Avenger, he won. He snapped his fingers and did what he set his mind out to do. He wanted to erase half of every living thing in the universe, and he clearly didn't care who he had to hurt in order to do it.

Bucky fell victim--the first victim in your eyes.

He was the first to go--nothing but ashes once Thanos was done with him. After him, everyone else kept dusting away, but you and Steve stayed. You stayed to witness the love of your life die, and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. His ashes fell through the cracks in your hands as your tears streamed down your face. Would it be so bad if you went just like him? Would you really leave Steve without two of his closest friends?

You never dusted away, and neither did Steve. Natasha, Thor, Bruce, Rhodey, and a few others stayed to clean up the mess Thanos created. You’ve been able to fix a lot of problems in your day, but you didn’t know where to begin with this one. Where do you start to fix things? How is someone supposed to bring everyone back? Thanos still had the stones, and with the space stone, he could go anywhere in the universe.

He’s gone, and there is no way you’re getting those stones back without major power. But who has the power like that? Who can find him and take back those stones? You know you can’t, and everyone on Earth can’t so then who?

Who is going to save you?

It took a lot from you to up and move on without Bucky. How can you move on from him or with someone else when he’s the only guy you ever loved? Bucky was Steve’s best friend, so you two found closure with each other. You two began growing closer with each passing day, month, and year. Steve was never just a friend to you. Yeah, you were with Bucky and he was his best friend, but there was always something between you and Steve. You just never acknowledged it until now.

All the years you’ve been with Bucky, you have never been anything but loyal and faithful to him. There is no visible or possible way to bring him back, so you have to move on for your sake. You knew if he was here, he would want you to move on.

So you did.

With Steve.

He used to tell you, “As maybe the worlds leading authority of waiting too long…” and then he would go into a rant about what he waited for and how much he regretted it. You never thought he would be saying to you about moving on from Bucky.

It felt wrong at first, but you eventually warmed up to it. He treated you with nothing but love and kindness, and you became loyal and faithful to him now. He expressed his concerns of what was happening between the two of you, but you assured him it’s the only way you’ll ever move on.

Time went by, and those memories of Bucky became good ones instead of the memories of loss. Everything you hated now became grace because at least you got to know Bucky the way you did. Steve knew him in a different time, and he wanted to share that part of his life with you.

What better way to do that than in the Air and Space Museum in Washington D.C.?

“I came here before I saw Bucky the first time since the 40s. This place was filled with people, but none of them recognized me,” Steve explains as he stops next to the memorial exhibit dedicated to James Buchanan Barnes.

“This is what he’s like with short hair?” you chuckle and stare into his eyes.

What was once longing and sadness whenever you looked into his eyes, it’s now adoration and fondness.

“Yeah, he didn’t grow it out back then. We had so much fun back home. There was nothing I could do that Bucky didn’t do better. Remember, back then, I was half my size and shy. I needed someone like Bucky with me.”

“We all need someone like Bucky,” you mutter.

“Let me show you my exhibit,” Steve chuckles and leads you to where he’s stationed.

You look back at Bucky from over your shoulder, and you’re suddenly sad again. It’s been about three years since the snap, but his loss hits home like it happened yesterday. You have Steve now, so why do you get like this sometimes? Steve makes you so happy, so why can’t you do the same?

“I miss him,” you blurt out and face Steve.

“Me too,” he nods.

Some part of you thinks that Thanos is going to come back and take everything else from you and everyone. That underlying fear of not if he’s going to come, but when. Yes, Thor sliced his head off a few years back and killed him, but when has that ever stopped anyone from coming back? He’ll find a way, and that’s what scares you the most.

“Promise me something, Steve,” you whisper, running your hands over his forearms.

One of your favorite things to do with Steve is to take baths with him. Not every single one is sexual, but you like the intimacy of them. He tightens his arms around your stomach and shifts so that the water threatens to spill over the side. Your bathtub is right next to a window that overlooks the city, and right now, the city lights are beautiful this time of night. Add that to the soft candle-lit room, and you’re falling in love all over again.

“When Thanos comes back, promise me you’ll never leave.”

“He won’t come back. Thor killed him for good.”

“You don’t know that. Promise me, Steve, and mean it. I can’t lose you too,” you sniffle.

“I promise.”

The prediction of when Thanos was coming back was more right than if he was. He did, but it wasn’t the Thanos you knew. Tony and Bruce found a way to make time travel real, and that is exactly how they got the stones and used them to bring everyone back. The big boss battle is what Rocket loves to call it, and he was right.

Everyone on Thanos’ side came to aid him while you, Steve, Tony, and Thor had no one but yourself. You were clearly outnumbered, and that’s when the best thing ever happened right before your eyes.

Everyone came back at the same time to help aid in the fight against Thanos. Bruce did it when he snapped his fingers. He made everyone else come back. The big prize fight did have some losses--some greater than others--but one thing it brought back to you was Bucky. You never thought you were going to see him ever again, and here he is, five years later.

There wasn’t much time to talk during or after the fight because Tony died. Tony sacrificed his life to snap away Thanos and everyone that was on his team. The funeral was nice, and you cried, but you were more scared about after it.

It was quiet after, and that gave Bucky ever incentive to go running at you and bringing you into his arms.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” he mutters into your ear as he spins you around.

Steve, Sam, Wanda, Rhodey, and a few other people gathered to watch something that wasn’t so sad. Pepper and her family left to be alone inside, but she encouraged people to stay and talk among themselves. Bucky sets you on the ground and is about to kiss you, but you reluctantly pull away from his lips and grasp. You’re with Steve now, and it’s not fair to him to kiss Bucky despite wanting to.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, confused.

“I’m with Steve now,” you confess.

“What?” he asks in shock.

“You were gone for five years, Bucky. We didn't think you were coming back,” you say as if it makes it all okay.

“So, that gives you every right to move on with my best friend? My best friend? I always thought about you on the other side. The thought of you is what kept me going, and now I found out you moved on with Steve? Of all people?”

“James…”

“Cool down, Buck. Go take a walk,” Sam urges, but the super-soldier doesn’t hear him.

“Don’t talk to her that way. We grieved and mourned you,” Steve says, placing his hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

Hearing, seeing, and feeling his “best friend” just caused him to snap. He is angry with you, of course, but he can beat up his friend for it.

“I can’t believe you moved on with my girl!” Bucky says and slams his fist in the side of Steve’s face.

“Bucky! Stop!” you gasp, but don’t get caught in the crossfire.

“She’s not your girl! You died, man!” Steve gets back up to fight.

“You promised that you’d stay away from her! Did you forget that?” Bucky growls and charges at him again.

The other Avengers snap into reality and are quick to step in. You may have great mechanical and engineer skills, but you don’t have any powers. Wanda is quick to separate the two men, and Sam goes straight for Steve while Rhodey goes for Bucky.

“Stop it! Both of you!” you shout.

“You’re not my friend anymore!” Bucky yells at Steve before turning to face you.

He was ready to yell some insult in your face, but as soon as he sees your wide eyes filled with fear and guilt and sadness, he just scoffs and looks away from you.

“Get off me,” he pushes Rhodey off him before storming away.

“James!”

“Don’t talk to me,” he snaps.

You can have one, but you can’t have both. You’re immediately brought back to the Sokovia Accords, worried about which side you’re going to pick.

Past or present?

Passion or stability?

In love or love?

Bucky or Steve?

If you want to be tagged, add yourself to this document! If your tag doesn’t work, find out why!

Bucky Tags: @ivvitm1109 @kendall-michele @awkwardfangirl2014 @niall2017 @feelmyroarrrr @mackevanstanfan80 @fandomgirl17 @bluedazefangirl @tardis-is-mine @moonstar86 @tdntu0 @ferls212 @kpoplover1306-depressedgirl315 @notyourtypicalrose @majesticavenger @the-real-mary-jane-blog @miraclesoflove @tomhardy41 @emilyshurley @thejourneyneverendsx @ironmandeficiency @moonstar86 @mogaruke @awkwardfangirl2014 @alex12948 @bucky-odinson @bangtan-serendipity @gh0stgurl @justalonely-nerd @casseythebee @pinkdiamond1016

Steve Tags: @majesticavenger @thejourneyneverendsx @mrspeacem1nusone @ironmandeficiency @miraclesoflove @moonstar86 @heyiamthatbitch @mogaruke @broimjustvibin @notyourtypicalrose @awkwardfangirl2014 @alex12948 @kendall-michele @niall2017 @bangtan-serendipity @kiwihoee @gh0stgurl @justalonely-nerd @casseythebee @pinkdiamond1016

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slut4film · 3 years

Text

061621 - fight club (1999), dir. david fincher

plot: a ticking-time-bomb insomniac and a slippery soap salesman channel primal male aggression into a shocking new form of therapy. their concept catches on, with underground “fight clubs” forming in every town, until an eccentric gets in the way and ignites an out-of-control spiral toward oblivion.

cast:

brad pitt as tyler durden

edward norton as the narrator

helena bonham carter as marla singer

meat loaf as robert “bob” paulson

jared leto as angel face

genres:

drama

thoughts:

i don’t understand why people constantly shove guns down people’s mouths, then ask them questions, waiting for them to respond as if they don’t have a gun down their throat

“okay, you cry now.”

no because was i supposed to see a flash when the doctor tells edward norton to go to testicular cancer therapy? or am i just tired? or amazon prime is glitching?

i did not expect to see bob with tits, like i read that he had tits but i didn’t think they were gonna be bigger than mine

i just can’t find it in myself to be vulnerable with a stranger

no because what did the narrator’s name tag say??

marla singer rights!!

why was edward norton so pressed about marla being a tourist when he was a tourist too??

marla throwing her cig and almost hitting edward norton in the face >>

“this is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.”

is edward norton’s dream of a plane crash what final destination was based off of?? because that plane crash scene looks a lot like the fd scene with no fire

okay maybe brad pitt was the perfect person to play tyler durden but i wish it was matt dillon

also, brad pitt’s suit is fucking ugly

i’ll admit it, i don’t find brad pitt attractive. i’d give him a solid 3.5/10

i really made the house look so good when i imagined it while reading the book and now i’m watching them go to a decrepit piece of shit

“i am jill’s nipple”

tell me why i thought my happy ending by avril lavigne was playing in the background

“1st rule of fight club: you don’t talk about fight club. 2nd rule of fight club: you don’t talk about fight club.”

of course, tyler durden would fight hemingway.

titties!!

brad pitt’s sunglasses are mad ugly, why did they do him so dirty??

so this is what maude apatow meant by brad pitt’s abs in assassination nation

marla’s blush pink dress is an actual beauty and only cost a dollar at the thrift, what a steal!!

knowing that edward norton is tyler durden before it’s revealed in the film makes me realize how the audience is expected to think that marla is batshit crazy but knowing edward norton is tyler durden makes you see that marla is really just confused as to why edward norton is blowing her off as if they didn’t fuck for hours the night before or why he’s talking to absolutely nothing but fucking air because she’s fucking tyler durden but it’s really edward norton but we think it’s tyler durden… god this is such a mindfuck, am i even explaining this shit right?

why is tyler durden wearing a fucking maple leaf pattern hawaiian shirt type of vibe?

bob seems so enthusiastic, he deserves so much better

the sound of punches is such a satisfying sound

punched out brad pitt is giving me newt from the maze runner circa death cure crank era

there’s just something so fun about watching people fight… especially if it’s matt martin or casey cizikas my beloved

knowing that raymond was supposed to be white and i’m pretty sure edward norton was supposed to be the one taking his wallet makes this scene feel so weird to me

homie has so much fucking chest hair wtf

“and you… YOU’RE TOO FUCKING BLONDE!” blonde jared leto can come my way if y’all don’t want him

“in tyler we trusted” me with mat barzal… i’m not even kidding, “in barzal we trust” is in my instagram bio

oh no, what did they do to jared leto’s face??

the way marla says “tyler durden” >>

not tyler calling edward norton a crazy person when he literally looks like that

the security guards watching edward norton get wwe smackdown’ed by absolutely nothing

yes! y’all hear the pixies?

not the penis ruining the vibe of buildings collapsing and pixies in the background

rating: 4.5/5 stars

#fight club #film #dumb bitch and her thoughts #badbitchonfilm #holy shit this is a cinematic masterpiece #young blonde jared leto my beloved

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foxtophat · 4 years

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HEY HEY HEY!!!! hey guys. haha. um, idk what to say exactly and tumblr likes to eat my posts so lets see how long this lasts:

its’ only been a couple months but i have been frothing at the mouth trying to figure out what next part of mercy to put out. i have a lot of much bigger stories to tell than this one, but kim and john sharing insomnia felt sort of like the right segue into those bigger bits. so for now, let’s just enjoy a 20k fic about Kim and John, and also a little about John and Nick, but mostly just about John and Jacob.

there are 3 chapters. i’ll post the 2nd one later this week (wednesday or friday i think) and the third will probably go up next monday. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT i actually have most of this one finished right out the gate!!!

as usual, i’ll put the entire chapter under a readmore in case you don’t want to leave tumblr. i hope you enjoy what i’ve got for you this time -- if not don’t worry, there will be more dramatic bullshit later :) comments, kudos, reblogs and likes are all the things that make ficwriting more fun than it already is, so consider helping me out if you enjoy what i’m doing. otherwise, have a good day!!!

Kim's dreams are normally composed of fleeting images in dark, monochrome colors. They're howling-wind nightmares or ethereal moments of peace, but they're short-lived and she's always disconnected from them. She hasn't had a real dream in probably nine years. She used to miss them, before John Seed reappeared with all of his night terrors, just in time to remind her of how good she has it. Now, she's glad that the most she has to contest with is a looming sense of dread that fades almost as soon as she wakes up.

But tonight, Kim is a long way away from all of that. She's standing at the kitchen sink in her childhood home, which is in full summer swing. The rosemary plant her mom keeps on the sill is in full bloom, thick green spikes dotted with blue puffball flowers. Beyond it, the Canadian sky is seawater green, and Kim marvels at the fluffy clouds drifting through the unnatural color. They seem to be floating by much faster than the still air outside would imply. It should rattle her, confuse her, but before that realization sinks in, her mom's voice distracts her away.

"Do you really think he's the one?" she asks, as skeptically as she had all those years ago when Kim first decided to move to Montana. Her mother had liked Nick, of course, because he was a likable guy, but Kim had known from the start that her parents were worried about her. They'd worried about her moving to a red state, about her trusting a man she'd seen a handful of times since they'd met. They hadn't understood the idea of purple pockets or internet dating, and while they supported Kim's love of rifle showmanship, they'd never trusted Nick owning more than three guns.

"What's the point, is all I'm asking," Kim's mom laughs in response to Kim's unspoken comment. "It seems strange to collect weapons..."

"Mom, he hunts !" she chides. "And anyway, he isn't the worst one out there."

"That's exactly what I worry about," her mom says. "What if something bad were to happen? His family is gone, and we'll be so far away..."

Kim sighs, the words stinging more than they should. The aqua colored sky begins to churn outside, the light filtering through a strange red haze. Inside, the sunlight reflects off the white counters, nearly blinding Kim.

"I'll be okay," she says, reciting an amalgamation of all her old defenses as her eyes readjust. "There are a lot of good people out there. They rely on each other a whole lot more than we do here."

"I worry about you, Kimiko. That's all." Her mother sighs sadly. "You'll understand when you have kids of your own."

"But mom..."

Kim tries to tell her that she already has a kid, but she can't muster up the words. After all, shouldn't she know? Wouldn't Kim have visited? Wouldn't she have brought Carmina into this very kitchen, all the surfaces glowing with light, and introduced them? Wouldn't her mom have been there when Carmina was born?

"It's unseasonably warm, isn't it," her dad remarks at the table. He's sitting there with a magazine as if he'd been there the whole time. He, like the rest of the room, glows from the inside, as though a flashlight were shining through his skin. It shines through the wood of the table, through her mom's curious smile, until Kim has to turn her face away. The room grows hotter and hotter, and in the far-off whistling wind she hears the first lonesome wail of an air-raid siren beginning to pick up. There's a blinding burst of light and howling wind, and Kim lifts her hands to her face, desperate not to look directly at the blast —

The bedroom is dark, warm and humid. At first, Kim doesn't know where she is, struggling to sit up, desperate to run, until all at once reality comes crashing back into focus. It doesn't help that she's pinned beneath Nick's arm and Carmina's full dead-sleeping weight.

Normally, moving would be out of the question. But Kim doesn't want this dream clinging to her memory, and she desperately wants to put some space between her and the nuclear glow of her mother's smile. Hell, maybe it isn't the dream at all — maybe it's the heat that's making lying here unbearable. Maybe it's the extra weight pinning her down, or a panic attack waiting in the wings — whatever it is, she needs to get up and run from it. As she worms her way out from underneath her family, Kim can feel the pressure building behind her eyes, fueled by the need to jog out the tension that will soon become unbearable. She needs to exercise the nightmare away before it sticks around and ruins the rest of her night.

It's probably already too late for that. The back of Kim's eyes are itchy with tears as she struggles to get free. She's already memorized her mom's smile, trapped forever in radioactive amber, and that alone is enough trauma to fuel ten more terrible dreams.

Nick and Carmina remain peacefully asleep, even as Kim extracts herself from the bed. That's good — the last thing she needs to do is worry Nick, whose own sleeping habits have just started to even out. He'll try to keep her company, and they'll just wind up keeping each other up, which wasn't ideal back in the day and definitely isn't ideal now .

Even though Carmina sleeps like the dead and Nick isn't likely to hear her, Kim is careful to watch out for the creakiest steps as she heads downstairs. Sunrise isn't for a few hours yet, but Kim isn't going to let that stop her from insomnia-pacing around her own home. It used to be that Kim would jog laps on the runway to clear her head, but that isn't going to work nowadays. She still wants to, of course; she's desperate to step out into the relatively cool night air and run herself ragged enough to pass out again, but that's out of the question. She's not about to break her own rule.

It's only once Kim is downstairs that she starts to relax, lighting one of the candles left out on the table. The light is just barely enough to see by, and Kim struggles to find something to clean up or organize in the half-dark. All of the coping mechanisms that got her through eight years of bunker living have fallen flat in the face of the apocalypse, but that doesn't keep her from trying them over and over again. Some techniques are more adaptable, but it isn't like she can dig into reorganizing the hangar for Nick at... whatever time it is now. Not without somebody catching her breaking her own rules about going outside alone.

If she had any books worth reading, she could throw herself into that, but she can't bear the manuals and children's books right now. Maybe if there was a radio station she could listen to... but no, she wouldn't want to risk burning out the radio after everything Nick and John went through to fix it. There's not going to be another Hail Mary when it comes to that kind of repair.

Her mom would probably use this time to make a series of endless lists. Grocery lists, to-do lists, lists of pros and cons for buying new appliances or inviting Kim's awful step-grandmother to her wedding... there was nothing that her mom couldn't organize into a column of bullet points or check-boxes. Kim could probably do with a few lists herself, but where is she supposed to get the paper? And even if a supply list wouldn't be a waste of resources, where would she go to fill it? It's going to be a while before they can pick up flour from the farmer's market again, that's for sure.

Well, at least wasting some paper will keep her mind busy. There's too much stuff they need, and she's going to drive herself crazy trying to remember all of it. Anyway, they've been using decades-old junk mail to prop up the radio desk — it can't be wasted if it was already trash, right?

She's careful in her search for a decent piece of mail, not wanting to tip the radio over as she jimmies a yellowed envelope from under the desk. It's only once she's back at the table with a worn-down nub of a pencil that she finds herself hesitating. After all, what is she supposed to write? What could they reasonably expect to get out here, with no supply chain to rely on? Everything that comes to mind is laughably improbable at best.

It doesn't really matter, though, does it? They're probably not going to be able to find anything besides what they can hunt and grow for themselves, so any food she writes down will be wishful thinking. John had offered to help their scavenging efforts, but it isn't likely they'll find working walkie-talkies or a new car. People who have been above ground longer than the Ryes have already taken over key resource points, and they'll be hard-pressed to give up things without a fair trade. And until they can reliably communicate with one another, trading is going to be nearly impossible. One day, maybe, they'll have trading posts and reliable supply chains, but like other pieces of their fractured society, that's not coming for a long time yet.

Staring at a blank piece of paper is worse than writing something stupid down, and so Kim quickly scribbles the word flour across the top of the envelope. She can't imagine that's going to be a reasonable expectation for a while, but at least it's on paper — and it's outlandish enough that it encourages her to continue, her thoughts darting between impossible dreams and honest reality. Salt , she thinks might not be quite as hard to find. Sugar, probably impossible. For now, they can hope for honey instead.

It goes on like that, growing more abstract as Kim lets herself dream. Milk, eggs, bread, twinkies , meat grinder, hamburgers, tomatoes, grains (seeds), grill (charcoal), gas, gas canisters (storage), duct tape, insulation foam (spray, sheet), toilet cleaner, toilet, hot water, plumbing, bathtub! , tarp, doors, ammunition, floodlights, security system, cans + string (security) —

Her flow is interrupted by a soft, distant thud somewhere upstairs. Kim listens for a few tense seconds, waiting to hear boots on the roof, the hiss of a walkie-talkie, or the slide-click of a gun being cocked. Without the cult, those fears go unrealized, and Kim slumps tiredly into her seat. She's just as paranoid about armed cultists tonight as she is about wild animals, although she's sure that's just her nightmare talking. Eden's Gate is nowhere near the threat it used to be.

The relief is short-lived, as is her solitude, when she hears an upstairs door click shut, followed by the sound of quick footsteps on the landing. The house is too old for any real attempt at stealth, but John tries to avoid the worst offending stairs on his way down. He only realizes Kim is there when he notices the candlelight, coming to an abrupt stop on the last step, one hand clutching the banister tight.

He's sweaty and out of sorts as he wipes his limp hair out of his face. "Oh," he rasps. "Kim."

He's surprised to see her. Kim should be surprised, too — it's one thing to know that John wanders the house at night, but it's another to see it happen in real-time. Honestly, she's barely phased by his appearance. John's sleep schedule has been bunker-erratic ever since Nick brought him home, and no amount of diurnal activity has managed to change it. If anything, Kim suspects he gets less sleep now than he did underground. It isn't for lack of trying, she's sure, but this isn't the first time she's heard him stumbling around in the dark. It's just the first time she's been in the same boat.

"Late night?" she asks.

John struggles once more with the hair in his eyes before giving up. "Just needed some air," he rasps, minding his volume. "Some water."

"Don't mind me," she replies, surprising herself with her own ambivalence. Knowing he moves around while they're sleeping is one thing, but seeing it should be upsetting. It should bother her when he avoids creaky floorboards on his way to help himself to their fresh water. It should make her angry to see him using their resources; at the very least, it should have upset her back when it began normalizing. But, honestly, it hadn't. Kim had just been relieved to see John acting like a person, and not just a haunted shell.

John wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, regarding Kim with deep uncertainty that Kim mostly makes out from his hunched shoulders and tense posture. He tries to hide just how lost he is, but Kim never misses it when he slips. It's not that she's sympathetic towards him, exactly, but she knows just enough about his history to want to pity him.

He doesn't speak, not even after the silence stretches out. Maybe he's waiting for her to make the first move?

The thought almost makes her laugh, but she still cuts him some slack. "Can't sleep either, huh?" she asks.

"Hardly ever," John replies, although he clearly isn't looking for reassurance. He takes a step away from the kitchen, hovering in the nebulous space between the table and the stairs. He's usually quick to leave Kim alone — quicker than he is with Nick, anyway — and so she appreciates the fact that he doesn't run now.

His voice cracks on its low pitch as he haltingly asks, "What are you doing?"

For just a second, Kim imagines giving John the cold shoulder and telling him it's none of his business. But the thought fades as quickly as it comes; it's replaced by the knowledge that John is just as dependent on the family's supplies as she is. Anything she needs, he'll also need. And besides, she's almost positive he'd been in control of the cult's supplies, which means he might have an idea of what they should realistically be looking for. He would know what the cult had planned to do, and she could probably translate that into useful advice.

"Just making a list," she sighs. It sounds stupid enough to make her wince, and she concedes with a joke, "You know, for the next time we're at Wal-Mart."

John huffs in amusement and approaches the table. Now that she's got an audience, Kim wants nothing more to do with the list, and so she pushes towards him before slumping back into her chair. Instead of the quick, distracted glance she had been expecting, John leans over to read it in full. The longer he reads, the more embarrassed Kim is of her late-night daydreaming, but he finishes with the list before she can grab it back.

"Some of these are... more manageable than others," he says, using the same kind of diplomacy he utilizes whenever Nick makes a particularly dumb comment.

"Uh, yeah ," she says, embarrassed even if she isn't surprised. "I know. It was just... taking up space in my head. I needed to write it down, otherwise, I'm going to be up all night."

Kim runs her hand through her hair, waiting for John to retreat as quickly as he'd arrived. Instead, John rereads the list once more. Kim can see his amusement much more plainly as he leans into the candlelight. It highlights the deep bags under his eyes as well, but who isn't carrying that particular mark of exhaustion these days?

"Ammunition isn't as high on the list as I'd imagined," he comments.

"We're okay on bullets for now," she replies. "And it's not like there's much to spare."

Whether or not that satisfies John, Kim isn't sure. He only hums in response, eyes roaming down the paper.

"I see you didn't bother to add more guns."

"We don't need more guns," Kim insists, although it's not strictly true. She's just hesitant to overwhelm the house with firearms. They've been getting on just fine with what they have — any more, and they might turn into a target themselves. One day, sure, they'll need to find something for Carmina to carry on her own, but that day is a long, long way away.

She doesn't need to explain herself to anyone, let alone John Seed, but as he watches her and waits for more, she feels compelled to justify herself. "I don't think we're going to find spare guns or ammunition just lying around, and I'm not about to take them by force. We've managed just fine with what we have."

"For now," John points out. "Things could change. It won't stay this calm forever."

"Why not?" Kim retorts, feeling childish and petulant as soon as the words leave her mouth. "Why do you even care? You're certainly not getting armed."

John clicks his tongue against his teeth. "It's not that," he says, only to abruptly roll over with a muttered, "Never mind."

If John thinks he can avoid the conversation that easily, he has another thing coming. "No, what is it?" she asks.

"It's nothing," he sighs, as if arrogantly dismissing her will keep Kim from pushing. When Kim only frowns unhappily back at him, he reluctantly relents. "Joseph had said taking your weapons was the only way we could ensure you wouldn't use them after the Collapse. And if we didn't lock them away, it would be all you would look for." He stares at the list, although Kim imagines his thoughts are about fifty miles away. "It's stunning how wrong he was about everything. But there are reminders everywhere."

John rarely speaks about Joseph; Kim hasn't heard him broach the subject of his own volition before. The only person who ever talks to him about his brother is Jerome, and those conversations are private and short. Having John bring him up with almost no needling feels like a step forward, even if it's only a small one. Even though John is anxious saying Joseph's name.

It's so easy to forget how much control Joseph had over John. Kim has to make a concentrated effort now and again to remind herself that Joseph hadn't only brainwashed normal, desperate people, but his own family. She can't imagine doing anything to Carmina or Nick that would turn them into the angry, anxious mess John had been even before the Collapse. Not even if it meant they would always do what they were told and would trust her implicitly. She couldn't bear it if Nick ever talked about her the way John talks about Joseph. It's late enough that Kim finds herself wondering how Joseph can even sleep at night.

"It's stupid," John says, taking Kim's contemplative silence as disapproval. "I should have known better."

He inhales, letting out a shaky breath, and closes his eyes briefly. When he opens them, they're suspiciously shiny in the candlelight. It sparks a genuine pang of sympathy in Kim, but there's nothing she can say or do to help him. Nothing she's done so far has made an impact.

"Some of this is reasonable enough," John says, desperately trying to redirect the conversation back to the list. It's an obvious, flat-footed attempt to avoid a tender spot in his psyche, but Kim is willing to let it slide.

"Sure, eventually . But we're a long way off from hot baths and backyard barbecues, much less flour and sugar."

"Those are... less reasonable," he admits, dragging his finger across one of the harder to come by items. Still, he isn't nearly as deterred as she is. "But not everything is impossible to come by. Insulation, for one. Tarp, duct tape. Components like that should be easy enough to find." He taps his finger against the envelope. "And there still places to investigate. Root cellars nobody bothered to touch. Caches you never found. Things hidden in places you wouldn't know to look, especially if you weren't in the Project."

Frowning, Kim rereads a few of the items upside-down from her side of the table. "It's been almost nine years," Kim points out, reluctant to get her hopes up so easily. "Isn't it more likely that everything good has already been discovered?"

Still... John's mentioned secret Eden's Gate supplies before. Given the size of the project and how long they were operating in the county, it's not impossible that some of their hidden stashes haven't been found yet. And they were planning for the apocalypse, right? They'd likely have saved things that could last for a long time. John isn't wrong — more ammunition and more weapons would be helpful. At the very least, they could help arm other survivors.

"It wouldn't hurt to have a look, I guess," Kim relents after thinking it over. "How good is your memory?"

That earns her a rare, quiet chuckle from John. "Middling to poor," he admits, "Although if I had a map, it would help. It would make it easier to mark what I remember."

"To think, it only took nine years and an apocalypse for you to finally hand over the intel."

John huffs, but his response is only mildly offended. "Do you want what I have to offer, or not?"

"Don't be like that," Kim says, placating him with a smile. "It would be a big help. It'll help me sleep better, anyway."

It seems there's more on John's mind than Kim teasing him, since he takes the non-apology and moves on without a fight. "Jacob had caches buried for after the Reaping," he says. "They'll most likely be weapons, but he was... hard to read. It could be that he stored survival equipment in one. There were a few in the valley, but most of them would be in the mountains."

Kim shakes her head at that. "As far as I've heard, nobody's made it very far north. And the stories I have heard aren't good. The dam broke, so a lot of the area is flooded, and supposedly the radiation is still pretty bad."

John hums briefly as he considers the facts. He leans contemplatively over the list, and for a moment Kim wonders if this was a common occurrence for him before the Collapse. How many late nights did he spend bent over a map while his brothers watched and waited for his decisions? She has to suspect it was a lot, because this is the first time she's seen John look even remotely confident.

That confidence is clear in his voice as he remarks defiantly, "I suppose the valley will do until we get airborne again. Let flooding stop us then ."

"Oh, okay," Kim laughs, checking her volume before she lets her amusement wake up the rest of her family. "You are just like Nick. Neither of you are going to give up until you get back in the sky, huh?"

"Exactly," John replies. "I won't trust anybody else to do it. Realistically, a helicopter would be the best option..."

"Oh, right," Kim chuckles. " Realistically ."

John taps accusingly at the list and raises an eyebrow at her. "Less realistic than hot water and iodized table salt?"

If Kim didn't know better, she might think that John is actually teasing her. He normally saves that kind of attitude for Nick, who prefers arguing through and around problems. Kim, on the other hand, rarely has the energy to deal with avoidance tactics, and so she tends to demand his sincerity. Thankfully, the liminal time of just-about-three has softened her stance on the matter.

"Okay," she relents with a smile. "Sure. Might as well add helicopters to the list." It would be a pretty big get for them, all things considered. And anyway, John's right — Kim wouldn't trust flying in a plane jury-rigged together by anyone other than Nick.

But that's a resource that will come in the nebulous future, and Kim's too realistic to worry years in advance right now. There are more pressing concerns to deal with, first — like food, water and security. Any caches John can find will at least fulfill one of those priorities, although Kim can't imagine the cult storing anything other than ammunition and weapons. But even if the caches don't pan out, they might find valuable scrap, like logs for firewood, furniture they can re-purpose, or even old survivalist caches that nobody thought to dig up after the world ended. And now that there are four of them, Kim won't feel so uncomfortable when Nick wants to drive to the middle of nowhere looking for supplies.

Kim sighs with relief, feeling a weight roll off her back that she hadn't been trying to remove. "Things will be a lot easier if you can help us with supplies. And I'll feel better about Nick going out if he has somebody to watch his back."

John pulls the same face he usually makes when someone implies they trust him. Kim could ignore it — after all, John doesn't need to believe they trust them for it to be true. Too bad for him, it's too late at night for her to turn a blind eye. "Oh, get over it," she tells him, unable to help a lopsided smile at his offended scowl. "I seriously doubt you're planning on murdering us at this point. And I know Nick is smart enough to knock the crap out of you if he thinks you've changed your mind."

"I won't," John immediately replies.

Kim believes him, if only because there's nobody left for John to rely on other than them. "Good. Because if I can trust you, that means I won't worry about Nick when he decides to go farther than town. It means we can spend more meaningful time with Carmina, too. Anyway, Nick likes bossing you around, and you like being bossed around, so everybody wins."

John ducks his head, embarrassed, but Kim laughs to let him know she's only teasing. "Seriously," she says, relenting for his benefit, "It does help. It's good to have somebody else to rely on."

"I... want to be helpful," John replies, although Kim suspects that he might be confusing his wants and needs again. It's not quite a compulsion anymore, but even John's most heated attempts to argue about a job end with him rolling over quick. He hasn't outright refused to do something, and Kim doesn't think he ever will, if only to prove to himself one more time that he might actually be capable of change.

It might get annoying one day, but for now, Kim can respect his intense desire to make amends. She just wishes he would accept some form of gratitude or praise in return, to make it less awkward on her end.

Kim rests her hands momentarily on the tabletop, tapping her fingers briefly against the wood. "Okay," she softly declares, "I think I'm going to try to get back to sleep." Whatever she winds up dreaming about now, she's pretty sure it won't be the same awful nightmare again — and that's at least partially because of John's intervention. She figures it's worth telling him as much. "You made a pretty good distraction, so thanks."

He nods immediately in response. "Of course," he replies, momentarily bewildered as he checks Kim's expression for signs of sarcasm or annoyance. His posture relaxes as Kim stands, although Kim imagines his relief is temporary. He's pretty good at working himself up into anxious frenzies — staying out of them is another matter entirely.

"Try to get some sleep yourself, okay?" Kim suggests.

There's no way John means it when he says, "I will," but at least he's willing to placate her instead of getting mad at her being concerned in the first place.

"And try not to wake up Carmina."

John nods affirmatively. Kim's positive that he'll sneak outside once she's gone upstairs, but at least he's waiting patiently for her to leave. If it weren't for her returning exhaustion, Kim might've used him as an excuse to do her own late-night workout, but it'll have to do to merely turn a blind eye to him edging around her rule about going out after dark alone. Kim and Nick have both been woken up by the exterior doors, but John never goes beyond the planters out back, and he always closes up when he comes back in. Kim could call him out on it, but... well, it seems like he needs the freedom.

Kim says goodnight and is mildly surprised when John returns it without any lingering sarcasm. He must be pretty tired, but that's not really a surprise. Hopefully, he'll try to take some of her concern to heart, or at least pretend for her sake.

Although Carmina is definitely still asleep when Kim returns to the bedroom, Nick is watching her with bleary-eyed curiosity. He waits until she's closed the door to speak up, and even then it's a dull, quiet whisper.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

He doesn't mind waiting for Kim to creep back to bed before she answers. "It is," she tells him, gratefully crawling into bed as he opens his arms for her. He folds his arms over her shoulders, letting her wiggle into a comfortable spot before she explains in a whisper. "I needed to move around, and John came downstairs. That's all."

"Hope he wasn't a creep," Nick mumbles into her hair. Kim sighs laughingly into his collarbone, which is already sticking to her cheek with sweat. There's no way she's going to be wrapped up in Nick's arms all night, not when it's this hot, but she'll appreciate it while she's got it.

"Not yet," Kim says. "Just talking about supplies." She presses a kiss to Nick's shoulder and whispers, "We'll talk about it in the morning."

Nick hums happily into Kim's hair. "Sounds good to me," he mumbles. The less they talk about John Seed, the better, after all. Especially right now, when they're tangled up in bed with their daughter snoring next to them; there's no room for serious conversation, and there's absolutely no room for John. There's no space for the nightmares that woke her, either; as Kim falls asleep, Nick's hand tangled up in her hair, she thankfully forgets everything save for a warm, melancholy amber glow.

#fc5 #fcnd #john seed #kim rye #far cry new dawn #its only the first 5 right i can't remember #i feel like i was channeling james a janice here for a minute #HEY GUYS welcome to the kill count where we'll be tallying up all the skeletons in john seed's closet #mercyverse #my fic

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etes-secrecy-post · 2 months

Text

Hi, before I explain my post, I want to say something important.

• What you see my blog has become a major overhaul. And despite the changes, I decided that my 2nd account will be now my artwork blog with a secret twist.

⚠️NEW RULE! (W/ BIGGER TEXT!)⚠️

⚠️ SO PLEASE DO NOT SHARE MY 2nd ACCOUNT TO EVERYONE! THIS SECRECY BLOG OF MINE IS FOR CLOSES FRIENDS ONLY!⚠️

• AND FOR MY CLOSES FRIENDS, DON’T REBLOG IT. INSTEAD, JUST COPY MY LINK AND PASTE IT ON YOUR TUMBLR POST! JUST BE SURE THE IMAGE WILL BE REMOVED AND THE ONLY LEFT WAS THE TEXT.

⚠️ SHARING LINKS, LIKE POSTS, REBLOG POSTS, STEALING MY SNAPSHOT PHOTOS/RECORDED VIDEOS/ARTWORKS (a.k.a. ART THIEVES) OR PLAGIARIZING FROM UNKNOWN TUMBLR STRANGERS WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED, RIGHT AWAY!⚠️

😡 WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EVER LIKED & REBLOG MY SECRET POST! THIS IS FOR MY SECRET FRIENDS ONLY, NOT YOU! 😡

Okay? Capiche? Make sense? Good, now back to the post…↓

#OnThisDay: Mar 6th, 2014 (Date submitted on dA; artwork done Feb 27th, 2014)

Title: III Cuteness Female - Elly

Here's my 1st version of Elly 🎒🐘 as the III Cuteness Female in the "Cuteness Defender Academy". 😊

I was supposed to draw her on a Delta Gundam [CLICK ME! #1] and also Delta Plus [CLICK ME! #2], yeah I might skipped though. 🤷‍♀️ So I used the armored "Delta Kai" instead (from the Manga, Mobile Suit Gundam U.C. 0094 Across the Sky, and U.C. 0096 Lost Sun), besides, looks better than those two! 🐘🤖😁

Delta Kai Elly Based on: MSN-001X Gundam Delta Kai [CLICK ME!]

Armament(s):

Long Mega Buster • A specialized Beam Rifle with a power output comparable to a beam cannon. The beam of this weapon could destroy a MS with a direct hit.

Beam Saber • The Delta Kai's close combat armaments, they are stored in the rechargeable racks on the shield. The beam saber is capable of cutting through any metal that has not been treated with anti-beam coating.

Proto Fin Funnel • The Delta Kai mounts two Proto Fin Funnels on its back. Using the NITRO System, they may be deployed efficiently even by non-Newtypes, giving the member all-direction attack ability. However, their large size would theoretically make them an easier target on the battlefield should they ever be utilized in combat.

Shield • A standard defensive feature of most armors is an arm-mounted shield. Originally a thick piece of extra armor designed to stop physical rounds, shield technology has been forced to adapt to the development of beam weapons by incorporating an anti-beam coating. Beside her Beam Sabers/Beam Cannons, it can mounts a large variety of weapons.

○ Burst Bolt • An optional close-combat weapon that can be mounted on the front side of the shield. It produces a disruptive effect through a combination of explosive force and high voltage power using a built-in capacitor. A similar weapon is used by the FA-00100S Full Armor Hyaku Shiki Kai.

○ Mega Machine Cannon • Optional weapon that can be mounted on the front side of the shield. Developed by Strategic Naval Research Institute (SNRI), it fires heavy-caliber armor-piercing rounds.

○ High Mega Cannon • An optional weapon that can be mounted on the front side of the shield, the High Mega Cannon can seriously damage an opponent's armor with even a glancing hit, and in some case, total destruction.

Special Equipment & Features:

"NITRO" Psycommu System • The armor Delta Kai equipped with the special Newtype Injection Trace Reformed Oldtype (NITRO) Psycommu System. The system projects large amounts of data into the pilot and allows for better response time with the unit and enhanced attack capabilities. With this system, an Oldtype pilot can acquire abilities suitable enough to manipulate the Fin Funnels mounted on the Delta Kai. It causes the Delta Kai to produce blue flames during full output. Because the system has been modified and optimized to "strengthen humans", the brain of the occupant is forcibly rewritten when the system is functioning. As a result, the personality of the armor-user becomes more aggressive.

Elly - POCOYO © Zinkia Entertainment Armor (Mobile Suit Gundam U.C. 0094 Across the Sky and U.C. 0096 Lost Sun) - Gundam series © Bandai Namco Filmworks, Inc. (SUNRISE), Sotsu

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kristallioness · 3 years

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2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019

*arrives a month late*... Happy 2021 to all of you, my dear followers! *raises a glass* It seems that my tendency to finish my artwork or personal posts on time has only gotten worse over time (I blame work *lol*). Oh well, better late than never, since there are things I would still like to take with me from this extraordinary year of 2020.

It is cringeworthy that I have two huge red X-s this year. But after I'd put these puzzle pieces together, I remembered far too well what was going on in my (work) life at the time, so it's completely understandable why I didn't have the time nor the energy to draw at all during those two months.

What were those typical statistics that I wrote about again to compare the years? *goes to read last year's post*.. Oh, right! In 2020, I managed to finish 3 full digital drawings (from the months of April, July and December) as well as work on several sketches. I wrote 28,154 words worth of fanfiction (oohh, that's a lot better than previous year), plus 3,126 words in English (I dare say I wrote an equal amount in Estonian) for the prompts I got during UYLD (making the total 31,280 words, which is quite impressive!).

I finished reading the 1st Kyoshi novel in the evening of the 20th and slightly past midnight on the 21st December (barely before the holidays, but I set this goal for myself and I did it!). Am already looking forward to starting with the 2nd part some time this year. Besides that, I ordered and received all the other new Avatar books that came out (3rd part of "Ruins of the Empire", "Katara and the Pirate's Silver", "Legacy of the Fire Nation") as well as BOTH Avatar series DVD sets (I still can't believe I found these on sale on some random online store in Estonia, but these are now among my most prized possessions!).

I finally started my Avatar rewatch last January, but merely got to the Ba Sing Se episodes in Book 2 (I need to continue with "The Earth King") and now it's been 5 YEARS since I last saw Korra. Reading through my journal personal posts from last year, I know far too well that it's not about rushing through it as fast as possible. Instead, I should enjoy the ride and continue watching the episodes when I'm well rested and in the right mood. That way I'll end up feeling much more at peace.

As for the entire year as a whole? I don't think anyone in this world of ours was prepared for the way this decade would begin - with an uncontrollable pandemic, the virus of which is randomly attacking and threatening to wipe out the weakest amongst us. If any of you (or even if you know someone who) have lost a loved one to this plague, there is not much else I can offer but my sincerest condolences! Me, my family, friends and colleagues seem to have managed to avoid catching it so far. *spits 3 x over her shoulder*

I had such high hopes for this year in so many ways. Event-wise I was looking forward to watching the Eurovision Song Contest in May (where Uku Suviste was supposed to represent Estonia for the 1st time ever after so many unfortunate failures to get selected as the winner of our local competition), the European Football Championships in June (asking my colleagues which countries they support, perhaps make fun bets / guesses with them to see whose team would win the matches), the Tokyo Olympic Games in July-August, the President of Estonia (Mrs. Kersti Kaljulaid) coming to visit my hometown to celebrate our Victory Day by taking part in the parade together with the Defence Forces (after 15 years *sigh*)...

I will always remember my last big event, which took place when life used to be "normal", so to say. It was the 102nd anniversary of Estonia on the 24th of February, when I took part of all the most important celebrations in Tallinn on our Independence Day, FULL-TIME (whenever I scroll through my Facebook timeline, I see the photos I uploaded of that day, my heart melts and I smile fondly). But the day after that.. utter hell broke loose. We had our first infected person in the country.

I will also remember the last day I went to work in "normal" conditions. Friday, the 13th of March (typically my lucky day-number combination): I missed the tram I wanted to get on in the morning, at work my team received great news that one of our colleague's family had grown bigger by a new tiny member the day before, we had our last team lunch together, we discussed the safety measures that we should take and joked about what might happen next week, I took the bus home instead of the tram (as the tram's route came from the airport and that place was considered to be more dangerous and with a higher risk of catching this virus).. It was another 2.5 weeks later by then (since the 25th of February) - Estonia (along with the rest of Europe) went into full lockdown.

The beginning was frightening and people were on edge, nobody really knew what to do nor what was gonna happen next. But in time, things began to shake into place and everybody developed a comfortable routine for remote work, including figuring out how to get everyday things done (such as grocery shopping). I found solace in taking photographs of various beautiful bird species, who began to fly around and serenaded me during spring, visiting the trees around my "nest" i.e. rented apartment (with a pair of them ACTUALLY building a nest in the chestnut tree right beside my window, thus turning me into a protective godmother of their chicks).

To be honest, I was awestruck by the positive / surprising aftermath of this lockdown: how the world / environment began to heal itself from the pollution that was normally caused by humans. I was taken aback by how dead silent our usually loud capital became in my neighbourhood (I could only hear trams passing by my house according to their schedules, practically no cars whatsoever, streets were empty of people.. absolute silence).

By May-June, things started to look up in Estonia (as well as the rest of Europe) and people were allowed to start travelling / moving around more freely. During my vacation in July, I managed to go to my last (open air) event (for the rest of the year) under these new "corona" conditions and ended up having a blast at the Open Farm Days in my home county for the first time.

Our country's shining moment came during the first week of September, when we hosted the first ever Rally Estonia of the World Rally Championship (WRC), where our very own Ott Tänak and Martin Järveoja won. The event was so well organized and successful that nobody caught the virus nor did the spectators / participants spread it to others, which surely must've helped in ensuring us a spot in the WRC calendar for 2021 as well.

The remainder of the year was rather dull, with the exception of the US Presidential elections in November, when we were all holding our breaths that Joe Biden would win (congratulations, my American friends!). This eventually led to the painful downfall of THE WORST government the Republic of Estonia has ever had, and to the rise of our first female Prime Minister, Kaja Kallas (both happening in January 2021, I couldn't believe it all spiralled so soon, ha-ha!).

Anyways, during the last 4 months, work was very stressful and driving me nuts, so badly that when I eventually went on vacation before Christmas, I had a slight anxiety disorder that wouldn't let me relax for several days (luckily it went away just as quickly once I began to take it easy and managed to get some proper rest / sleep).

In hindsight, I kind of get this weird feeling as if I saw this whole thing coming, given how actively I was living my life throughout 2019. My final year of the 2010's was so full of important events and personal achievements. It's almost as if something mysterious inside was driving me, telling me to visit all the places and do all the things I wanted to do, cause I wouldn't have this sort of a chance again for a very long time.

This must be the main reason why I am thankful for 2020 for going the way it did. Sure, I'm disappointed that a lot of events were cancelled, that so many people have had to leave this world so soon due to this unpredictable disease.. But I think there are so many lessons to take from what came out of all of this. I believe the world needed some sort of a restart or break, given in what direction we were headed (politically, economically, environmentally, socially etc.). I'm just sorry it's had to come with such a high price of innocent lives.

I have even higher hopes for 2021, given how amazingly January has already passed for me and my country, and what is to come in my hometown in February. Let's take the lessons learned from 2020 with us and keep on heading back towards the "normal" lifestyle we used to know. Except this time, let's improve our ways, put all the hatred behind us, be more considerate, keep a distance, stay safe, but still try to make the world a better place for everyone. Thank you so much for reading, for remaining by my side, and for your support and love throughout the years, my friends! I hope to see you all alive and healthy at the end of the white metal ox year of 2021! *virtual hugs*

#personal #shards of Kristal

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psianabel-writes · 4 years

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Brain & Ventus & Skuld & Ephemer - After Confession comes Comfort (Post jpn KHUX update 2nd April 2020) Walking back to the Daybreak Tower after Ventus's story on the hill, emotions come down on Ventus - his fear of meeting and confronting Lauriam with this and not wanting to lose his friendship to all of them - and Skuld and Brain are there to comfort him. [AO3]

Let’s head back to the tower for now. Brain held onto Ventus’s back just as Skuld did as they made their way along the streets of Daybreak Town. They walked silently, not knowing what to say or talk about, still processing Ventus’s story he told them up on the hill - fragments of a much bigger story, they slowly all realized, one that put itself together bit by bit. It started with Lauriam looking for his little sister Strelitzia, over to strange glitches appearing over Daybreak Town, to a new world connecting to them that was not supposed to exist, to finding out they were indeed trapped in a data version of their home and not flew to the world they were supposed to go to according to Master Ava, over to Brain realizing he was not the one appointed to get the Book of Prophecies in the first place, and then - … Finding out Ventus wasn’t even supposed to be amongst them, taking Strelitzia’s place instead.

Brain rubbed over his own head briefly as he went through everything again, glancing over to Ventus on his side who still clutched his head. He rubbed over his shoulder, seeing that Skuld already did the same on his other side. Ephemer walked with them on the side, his sad expression never leaving his face, tucking on his scarf nervously as he looked down to the ground. The air between them was dense, but not because of anger or hatred - their loss of words and their want to comfort Ventus in this was too deep. This whole situation felt so unreal, so out of this world. They couldn’t remember how exactly they came back to the tower again, or how long it took them - they didn’t focus on anything except coming here, into the room they always met. The late afternoon sun shone through the stained glass, giving it a warm atmosphere, which was much appreciated after this cold sadness that overcame them. Ventus halted in the middle of the room, making Brain and Skuld stop as well. They still held onto him, neither of them not wanting to leave him any time soon. Not until he showed any signs of getting better. “What … now?” Ephemer carefully asked as he sat down on his chair at the table, looking at the other three in the room. Brain looked between Skuld and Ventus, back and forth, meeting Skuld’s concerned eyes a few times. He sighed, gripping Ventus’s shoulder lightly. “ … We have to find Lauriam.” Ventus immediately looked up to him at his words, fear reflecting in his eyes. “He has a right to know this. … And maybe he found something out in the meantime as well.” Ventus opened his mouth in shock, widening his eyes as he took a step back from him and came closer to Skuld. “But-” “Are you sure, Brain?” Skuld looked at Brain, keeping her hand on Ventus even stronger now. “We have to tell him sooner or later.” He shook his head as he put his hands in his pockets, fumbling. “And it’s better to do it now rather than to do it when it’s too late. I don’t like keeping things from him. … Especially not something that involves his sister.” Skuld nodded in understanding, but Ventus still kept his fearful eyes glued onto him. “I’ll go.” The three looked at Ephemer, who stood up from his chair on the side. He put his hand over his chest and confirmed with Brain. “He has to be around somewhere. I’ll find him and bring him back.” With gratefulness Brain looked at him, relieved he took this position. “Thank you, Ephemer. … Chirithy will help you with your search.” Just as soon as Brain called for it, his Chirithy appeared in a puff of smoke, bouncing on the edge of the table, lifting their head away from their eyes. “Really now? Searching for your friends again?” The Chirithy said, looking into the round and then to Ephemer, before their eyes landed on Brain again. “Please?” Brain said pleadingly, a smile forming on his face as Chirithy didn’t budge yet. The Dream Eater was silent for a few seconds before they sighed deeply a low “Okay”, hopping over to Ephemer and then down the table to tuck on his trousers. “Let’s go then.” Ephemer had to hold in a chuckle as Chirithy took the lead, waving to the others a small goodbye. “I’ll be quick.” He said, jogging after the small creature right after. Brain and Skuld turned to Ventus again after Ephemer left, seeing his distress and horror in his face. Clearly he wasn’t ready for this confrontation, his own memories not making much sense to him. How was he able to face Lauriam with these information - “Ven.” Brain came forward to him again, calmness in his voice. Obviously it was hard for Ventus to calm down in such a situation and Brain was well aware, but running away from it wasn’t a good idea in the first place. Ventus’s hands started to shake as he held his head again, the pounding headache not wanting to go away - pieces of memories flashed in front of his eyes, but they were too hazy to make anything out. “How can I … How can I face him like that-” He started, his words shaky and hasty. “I don’t … I don’t want to-” “Sshh, it’s okay.” Skuld put a hand on his back again, running it up and down in comfort. “It’s okay. We’re here, we’re not leaving you, you hear?” Brain put both his hands on Ventus’s shoulders, trying to keep him down and safe. “Let me do the talking, yeah? You’re not alone in this.” Even though the signs pointed towards that he had something to do with Strelitzia’s disappearance, Brain did not believe a single words about him being responsible for it. Darkness was at work and clearly he had no memories of anything that happened in the warehouse. Where did even come that Master Ava from as well? Someone had their hands in this, making Ventus a scapegoat in their actions, trying to bring disruption to their bonds. Brain tried to make sense of all the things he knew. Master Ava couldn’t have done it, he was sure about that, it didn’t make sense. She wouldn’t have given him the note that listed the five Union Leaders, let alone would do such a cruel thing and replace a close person from one of the Union Leaders. He knew about her plan of wanting to see what happened if someone didn’t follow “the script”, but that was too obvious and too much. But this means … someone else wants to do it as well … “I … don’t want to lose you.” Ventus continued with a sob, the pain of his headache becoming more and more, gripping on his head stronger. “I don’t -” I don’t want to die. He was close to falling on his knees if it weren’t for Brain and Skuld’s fast reflexes, holding him up with wobbly knees. Brain put his arms around the young boy, letting his head rest on his shoulder, while Skuld continued to comfort him and started to stroke over his head. “It’s going to be alright, okay, Ven?” Skuld said behind him, starting to put her arms around him as well, resting her hands on Brain’s back while having Ventus in the middle. “We will always be friends no matter what.” Brain felt Ventus sobbing against him, but right now he honestly didn’t care at all. He needed that, his friends being there for him, the people he cared about - They were in this together. No matter what destiny threw at them. “Let it out.” Brain whispered to him as Ventus’s tears fell, his emotions overflowing, unable to hold it back anymore. “We’ll take over from here.” “We’ll protect you.” Skuld said to him as well, looking over to Brain with concerned eyes. “Lauriam will understand, he has to.” Even though Brain already told him that he would do the talking, he wasn’t sure where to even start. How to explain, how to make sure Lauriam understood it wasn’t Ventus’s fault, seeing the truth behind all that. He had to lay out the facts to him, telling him his sister was supposed to amongst them, and that she was … gone now. It wouldn’t be simple, he knew that. But he was the only one who could make him see. Concern and nervousness rose in him, but he pushed it aside for now for Ventus’s sake. This moment together was only about him.

#kingdom hearts #khux #Ephemer #Ventus #KH Brain #Skuld #fanfiction #my work #gen fic #bruh ive been not okay since this morning #this game gives me a feeling like nothing else does #i love these kids so much you have no damn idea

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