not really svsss spoilers but ill hide it anyways also its about parallels between qijiu and bingqiu

i think theres. some sort of parallel between the relationship of yqy and sj and then the relationship between lbh and sy. im going to say their shipnames for convenience but to clarify i need u to understand both of their loves go beyond friendship and brotherhood and romance okay i am very adamant about this especially for yqy and sj okay

qijiu love eahc other so much but isntead one bites and screams and kicks and the other takes it all because he thinks he deserves it but he isnt thinking about what the other deserves about what shen jiu deserves which is closure which is answer

but they love each other so much i think it goes beyond brotherhood and friendship and romance i think their love is something innate and deeply rooted in them and they cant run away from it

this post captures it exactly. they lvoed each other so mucuh. they never stopped. but it didnt change anything. they never reconciled they never talked familiarly again and yet they loved ecah other in their deaths yqy died because he needed to avenge sj and sj waited for years years fucking years for yqy to give him a goddamn answer but he never did but he still waited he waited when he was in slavery and he waited at the sect and he waited forever

however. bingqiu is different. the love did change everything. it changed so much (probably because as low as sy's eq is he is still not as mentally ill as qijiu)

sy DIED because he was enraged at lbh's fate sy spent his entire time in PIDW trying his fucking best to make lbh happy to make his life good and he still expected to die but he did it anyways because he loves his stupid little murder guy so much even before he was a stupid murder guy BECAUSE HE LOVES LBH

the love changed everything. it took an incredibly heteronormative toxic masculinity fan service story and made it into something full of love and still fan service but loving fan service okay

do you see what im saying here man

Why did my coworker call me handsome twice today

hiii pigeon we've been mutuals for some time but haven't interacted w each other! i wanted to quickly say hi (i did it already hehe) and say that im glad that youre my first mutual on tumblr! im still kinda new here but i am still very welcome to idea of chit-chatting if u do not mind :] i have a dsmp lore brainrot and rlly enjoy watching tommy, so i hope we get along (if you dont mind)

OMG HI sorry i only just saw this i've been out and hi hi hi hi !!! im never opposed to talking so i definitely dont mind hehe. im gonna ramble in the tags now

Dear Star Child, if this letter could see it's way to Idia Shroud, I would be most grateful. If you could get the gummy sharks to Idia I would be very happy, but the rest of the sweets are for you ^w^

Dear Idia Shroud,

Wow, it has been a while since I've written a letter that's not for school. Nvm, I have never written a letter outside of school; guess I'm finally putting that knowledge to use… Oh where to to begin, I'm rlly bad at doing the whole social thing yet if you would let me I'd be yapping on for eternity but luckily this is a letter and I have to condense it.

Well, Happy New Year! How the sale going? From what I can see into your world it looks amazing especially Ortho's gear. I'm always so impressed that someone was able to make a robotic body that ranged in movement-- here it feels like we just barely started to touch on robotics here, yet you are designing outfits for Ortho like it's nothing. Honest question, did you bless me with luck for the gacha or something did you know I fell like right when the clock hit midnight or someth, but srsly getting three SSRs without even indenting on getting them is something? I had to get a blessing from you or something. My irl would say that is a blessing from you… they have said "At this point I'm scared your obsession with Idia will transport you into the game" well I do wi Imagine if that happened? I don't even know what I would do? I think I would miss my friends but idk if they would miss me.

ANYWAYS, thats sad, moving on. I could have actually missed all of this I could have been boring and sad and still stuck on my utdr phase. Though it wouldn't be too bad Undertale and Deltarune still have th- WAIT YOU ARE A PURE SOUL-- FREE FROM UNDERTALE SPOILERS. Well I know whats happening if I ever get isekai'd. Gosh I would love to actually sit beside you and watch you play games. It's almost fascinating watching someone who is good at games play… Ehe.. I rlly don't know how to end this? Thx for existing please continue to do that.

P.S. Rlly srry for an typos, I wrote this at like 3 am cause I woke up n couldn't go back to sleep.

~ Your moonlight

(HELP ITS 4:30)

oh I LOVE THE BLUE THEME!! had a bit of oopsie delivering this letter but it's all good!! ( ^-^)/ *

Hey Moonlight.

Ugh nvm that sounds cringe please ignore that-- You know I'm not good with this thing either, so I'm gonna ramble if you don't mind. (I hope you don't or it'd be so embarrasing hhhhhhh)

I guess because of our worlds' differences that you'd find Ortho's gears impressive. I mean, I still do, and he's my brother now, he's gotta have the best tech to accomodate his needs. Your world sounds lowkey slow if they haven't even scratched the basics of robotics yet. Still I gotta hand it to them for making a kinda gateway connecting our worlds together.

YOU GOT? THREE?? SSR CARDS OF ME??? IS THAT WHY I KEPT FAILING GACHA EVENTS?? BC MY LUCK WENT TO YOU???? /j but congrats ig. Hope my cards been helping you through the game(?) By the Sevens, that is so weird knowing that I'm just a game character in your world.

But anywho, ignoring that blatant spoiler of fandoms I've never heard of before, for some reasons, I don't exactly mind having someone like you playing games with me beside Ortho. Maybe it'd be easier to breathe than going out and socialise with normies ugh.

Help how do I end a letter Happy New Year, may you be blessed with luck through the gacha system ig.

Idia Shroud

tags: @identity-theft-101 @twistwonderlanddevotee @ameleii @vioisgoinginsane @cave-of-jade

remember to reblog if you enjoy my works!! ^-^

Thinking about an AU where Techno, Wilbur and Tommy are all the harbingers of the actual entire apocalypse and Phil (just some insane guy) decides that those are in fact his kids and starts gaslighting the absolute shit out of them about it.

Rambles under cut!

I wanna try something where they're just more insidious and passive killers than anything else, theyre mostly just biding their time and watching as wherever they're lingering around gets sicker and just starts withering away.

They're a slow moving threat that just can't be stopped and for some reason (because Kristin thinks its funny) Phil just isnt affected by them.

Phil: Oh Techno's always been like that ever since he was a baby Techno: I have literally never met you a day in my life Tommy: Idk man... you have always been like that Wilbur: Oh my death he's actually getting to us

Its a mix of that combined with that "how did he know I was a gemini" meme

Phil: Wil! I brought you some salmon, I know how much you love it! Wilbur: How the fuck did you know I like salmon Phil: I'm your dad silly, of course I'd know :-)

I just think itd be super fun since Phil in this au is literally just some insane dude. He literally lies about their entire childhood but does it so consistently and so realistically that it throws them off guard.

I also have a few ideas where they start referring to Phil as their dad in the beginning as a sarcastic / mocking thing but accidentally just getting themselves even more adopted as they do it.

Phil: Wilbur put on a coat Wilbur: I don't need one! Techno: Go on, Wil. Listen to dad Wilbur: Ugh fine. Only because dad wants it, though

Stranger: Whos this? Tommy: Oh thats our dad. He kinda just tags along Stranger: Aww thats so sweet! You got his nose and everything Tommy: I- wh- no he's not actually our da- Phil: I know he did! Isn't he the cutest, spitting image isnt he? Tommy: You're not my dad! Stranger: Oh someones embarrassed! Phil: Yeah he's going through a rebellious phase right now

Just a mixture of things like that where it starts as calling him it but then accidentally actually giving him parental authority along with that.

I also wanna explore how Kristin and Phils relationship would be like. Maybe her as death being very bemused by this silly human that just decided she was his wife one day.

She literally visits him in dreams and stuff and he just acts as if they're married and have been for years. He complains about their 'rambunctious kids' and how he has to threaten them with her so that they behave sometimes. She finds it so silly and just cant help but play pretend.

Kristin: Hello, human Phil: My love! Its been so long since I've seen you Kristin: We've never met Phil: Oh don't say that! It hasnt been that long. I've just been far too occupied with our boys to visit too much Kristin: Our boys? I made them Phil: And they came out beautiful! I'm so glad Wil and Tech got your eyes. I was hoping they would.

I think that'd be a core part of this AU as well. Everyone is playing pretend but then it just fuzzies and it all becomes real for them. At first its a joke that Phil is her husband and their father but then they get lost in the fantasy and fun of it all and actually accept him as such.

Phil has no ulterior motives either, he's literally just a strange insane man that heard stories about neotrio and started thinking they were his kids one day. He genuinely believes his delusion and they end up accidentally making it a reality.

He just makes lucky guesses and plausible lies often enough that he's still shiny and new, he's still fun to play with and thats what ends up 'tricking' them all.

hellooo!!!(sorry in advance for all of the rambling)

first of all, im absolutely gushing from all of the soft moments in ch9: feyd nearly crying from being cared for, paul helping feyd with his nightmares, and feyd being protective/caring in both the breakfast scene and throughout the spice field inspections :333. It was all VERY adorable and paul finally being unhesitating about his sexual relationship with feyd and them communicating (both implicitly with paul reading feyds body language and explicitly with paul making feyd ask for what he wants), it's all very rewarding in general :)

Also, ive just been thinking nonstop about all the stuff going on with paul. so, my first theory about pauls exhaustion was because he was staying up because of feyds nightmares waking up but then i re-read it and saw paul was tired even before they shared a bed, and then i remembered that lack of sleep is a common symptom of pregnancy so thats my leading theory rn, that OR paul is staying up late reading lol. im also so interested in what paul and lady jessica are plotting, they mentioned controlling feyd and learning more about him in the beginning and then theres the date palm scene. I remember in the movies that date palms are definitely on arrakis so my first thought was that feyd was being a paranoid little freak about it but then i thought lady jessica might be trying to assess pauls health or something?? its safe to say im super hyped for the paul POV

sorry about the length and INCREDIBLY half formed theories

( •̀ - •́ ) ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

The wonderful bowl100!!

I love your questions ☺️. Omg yay!!! I’m so glad you liked the chapter. I always have a crisis of confidence when I post new chapters 🙃. Yesss. The softness. Feyd cutting the fruit and making sure Paul eats was one of my favorite moments from the chapter. It’s so hard to write moments of tenderness from him without it seeming out of character. And then he can never be honest with himself about why he’s doing things or why certain things are making him feel certain ways. Man. This guy. Feyd used his words FINALLY!!! And yes!! I’m so happy for Paul. Starting to enjoy himself. It’s so important.

Okee so here’s what I can say. You aren’t wrong about any of your guesses per say. It’s been such a joy to write from Paul’s pov because he’s a much more emotionally evolved person so I can write him being like “ah yes. This is making me feel this way!”. So one of the biggest reasons for Paul’s exhaustion is that he has been having dreams. Some of them good, some of them pretty disturbing. And yes, we will be seeing them in the next chapter. He is also (not really a spoiler cause it’s in the tags) pregnant! Another big reason! That’s going to be a plot point of the next chapter as well.

Lol the date palm scene!! You’re right on both counts. Feyd is being a paranoid little freak. He’s like “they are speaking in code!!” No you weirdo, they are talking about date palms. However, I am going to give him a little credit because he did pick up on the weird energy of the scene which is basically due to Jessica trying to draw Paul out of his funk. She’s worried about him and thinks he’s not doing well, and she’s trying to cheer him up and also trying to subtly (probably too subtly) signal to Feyd to do the same. Which he kinda gets! Cause he then invites Paul to come with him on inspection and Jessica is like “thank fucking god you are so fucking dense”. To Feyd. Not Paul. Paul can do no wrong in Jessica’s eyes lol.

Anyway! All of your theories were pretty spot on and perceptive!!! Sorry it took so long for me to respond 😔. I’ve been sick this week and it’s been a struggle. I have most of Paul’s chapter finished (it’s sitting at 5,500 words right now 😀). And I hope to edit and post tomorrow!!

Thank you as always for your lovely questions. I look at your wonderful art every day 🥹.

All the best 🫶.

♡⸝⸝ about me .ᐟ

includes: introduction, dni/byf, etc . . .

— Finally im making an introduction after putting it off for a bit out of shyness (and laziness..+ being nervous, but i need to push myself to do things sometimes.) but i thought its time you guys know a little bit more about me! ^^

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒𓈒⠀. 𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

‼️ • MDNI • ‼️

♡ ····· introduction

• Hello there!! im Sammy, but i prefer to be called Sakura if we aren’t extremely close. <3

• Im 20 years old! Im also a biracial lady, Bisexual, and my pronouns are She/Her! Please refer to me as so when talking to/about me.

• Some of my hobbies include : Cosplay, editing, drawing, photography (beginner), dancing, gaming, writing, reading, and baking!

• I like to associate myself with certain animals, specifically raccoons/deer/rag-doll cats/lambs/bats! Personally i think they fit me very well..so thats why you may see me repost those specific animals from time to time. (cause i think they’re me! ^^)

Tagged with: #irlsaku

• My few of my interests are cosplay, video games, anime, manga, flowers, greek mythology, herbology, nymphology, gloomy coquette and lolita fashion. among others too!

• i love many little men right now..but mainly ive been very lovey dovey over ren hana/fox, strade, lawrence oleander, sano kojima and vincent metzger! their just my favorites at the moment and i tend to self indulge in a bunch of selfshipping with them (persona x canon and oc x canon too!..maybe i will post my btd/tpof ocs here someday.)

♡ ····· DNI / BYF

• DNI: Minors, ageless blogs, zoos/maps, ableist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, anti-xeno/neopronouns, i dont really have a big dni but these are my mains. I block freely.

• BYF: This account is my primary blog and it’s mostly just for me posting/spamming my brainrot of 18+ medias! (also made for self indulgence and other things but i wont speak on that too much) So please please if you are under the age of 18 or do not have an age stating that you are an adult in your bio you will be blocked! This blog and content is not made for your eyes to see and you can get others and the creators in legal trouble and yourself. Please stay safe and take care of yourself, Thank you.

• If you are not a minor but cant handle the topics/media that will be posted on my blog please don’t follow me, this blog again is simply for my hyper-fixations of 18+ medias, my own enjoyment, and more. Don’t hurt/trigger yourself intentionally by looking at the things i put here, and please look out for your wellbeing because you are special! <3 Thank you!

My sfw blog is @crunchysugarr so i wont mix my other medias with this one!

• I have ADHD/PTSD/anxiety and depression, please be mindful of these things when choosing to interact with me whether its in dms or my ask box!

• You can send anything (quite literally anything..) in my asks! I don’t mind it, but ill ignore it if i don’t feel comfortable answering it or if it makes me feel some type of way. Please remember i may take time to reply to them if you ever do send anything to my inbox. (I also ask that you don’t send me irl gore/animal gore/cp/etc in my ask box.)

- I tag my posts with my own hashtags, heres a few of them so you wont be confused about what I’m specifically trying to post!

- aesthetic: #sakuaesth

- rambling: #sakubabbles

- regular blogging: #sakuposting🌸

(This could change overtime but i don’t know if they will but if they do I’ll let you all know! I hate confusing others on accident, hope this helps somewhat!)

• Im still pretty new to the Boyfriend to Death fandom and other fandoms on here too, I’m always learning something new about these pieces of media every single day! so please don’t get upset if i say anything not really lore accurate (?) i guess.

• You can always dm me or reply in my posts freely! But please ask to dm me in my ask box if you do want to talk to me in private, i usually only chat on tumblr and not discord because only people i’m closest to have my discord. But feel free to ask to dm me and we can talk here on tumblr if thats fine with you <3

• Please be patient when it comes to me replying to messages/asks. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming knowing i have to reply to so many people so i may take some time to get back to you all depending on whats going on with me that day, i do have a life outside of tumblr thats way different from how i appear online! But just know i have no intentions of ignoring anybody, i just wanna try and talk to new people for once.

Note: i tend to use emoticons only because i just think they’re adorable simply and i like to use them when texting! (i dont know why i feel the need to specify this so much, or anything else for that matter..but i did!)

♡ ····· other / extra things

ill try and make this as short as possible so you wont have to do too much more reading.. sorry about that!! ^_^’

• on this account the specific content i intend to post is boyfriend to death (1&2), the price of flesh, ykmet, degrees of lewdity, lovers trophy, courtin’ cowboys, this is not romance, and Saw (2004)!

• i can give out some of my other socials below so feel free to follow them if you’d like to, or don’t! i would never force anything upon you or anyone. <3

Twitter: @/crunchysugarr

Pinterest: (the same as my twitter user)

• and i think thats really pretty much everything! i hope you enjoy my company and my blog, if theres any other questions you wanna ask to know other things about me that aren’t listed here then you are free to shoot me an ask anytime! (no pressure of course <3.) Im sure we will become good friends someday! take care ♡

new opddmh updates..... like. three of them. crazy. haven't been keeping up as well as usual (acting stuff and work tag teaming my free time and absolutely destroying it) but i have finally started to binge and i truly truly love what u r doing w makoto and miu. so different but still connecting on an in-depth level and balancing eachother out ....... sometimes a relationship is an ex-reality show killing game figurehead and the world's worst teenager fresh out of the hospital against the world. do u have any insights on the way u write relationships and connections or just them in specific that come to mind bc oh my god. please do tell

HELLO AGAIN :]!!! AND HAHAHAH THATS ALL GOOD ive been so busy also FINGERS CROSSED IM ABLE TO GET MY UPDATE SCHEDULE ON TRACK LOL

TALKING ABOUT THIS FIC!!! :] big ole ramble down below lol

(i use the word "partner" a lot here but just know i am not referring to strictly romantic relationships lol)

OHHH GOD. relationship writing advice HMM HMMMMM. it really is very complex bc there are SO many different types of relationships that can be written about ghfdgjh so advice definitely varies!!! i think something helpful that i've learned is that unless you are purposefully examining power dynamics it always helps to view both sides as fully realised characters. very very rarely do you want to have a character who is solely there to agree with their second half and have no personality or history outside of this. i see this happen a LOT with romantic pairings but it's also an important note for platonic pairings as well!! ESPECIALLY if the main focus of the story is on this specific pairing-- it shouldnt feel like one person is a human being while the other is a cardboard cutout whose only purpose is to be there for their partner. again there ARE a few exceptions to this and how it is portrayed but its the main rule i like to stick to!! :]

if i feel like ive written a character who is solely there for their partner something immediate i go to is giving both characters something that separates them!! most of the time this includes fleshing out a backstory thats different from their partner, that might influence the way they see things within the narrative. give them a different hobby, maybe a different friend group! give them a different perspective on the events that are unfolding, a different way of coping that might not be beneficial to their partner!! and remember that it is OKAY for them to not agree on everything!!!! do not be frightened into thinking you need every single relationship in your story to be perfect and unproblematic and completely agreeable, especially for longer narratives that call for conflict

OH AND IN REGARDS TO FANFICTION... piece of advice i try to follow is donttttt try to mold characters into entirely different people just so they can stay happy and agreeable with their partner lol. if theres tension theres tension!! if theyre petty then theyre petty!!!!! even if there isnt conflict and youre writing fluff, you dont have to erase their personalities just to fit them together as a happy couple! sometimes the challenge in writing comes from finding what happiness means for that specific character/pairing, and that may be very different from the typical idea of romance/happiness!!

AND NOW ON TO MAKOTO AND MIU first of all. i am so sorry for making you read paragraphs upon paragraphs of me just rambling nonsense at you GHFDKGSH BUT I APPRECIATE IT!!! and second of all this technicallllyyyy is advice i guess but its WAY more specific now!!! lol

anyways when it comes to writing their relationship most of their dynamic is based off of their differences! opddmh miu is brash and loud, and even though she is trying more and more to filter what she says she still speaks before she thinks and grows restless very easily. opddmh makoto on the other hand cant afford to be brash and loud and thinks quite a lot before he says anything, and is lot visibly calmer. so its fun examining how their differences are able to influence the other throughout the fic!!!! miu NEEDED that calming influence considering the state she was in when makoto found her, i quite frankly have no idea where the hell she would be now if makoto hadnt been so patient and understanding ghfdksghkf. makoto on the other hand is a man chained down by responsibility, so much so that his life has become extremely dull in his eyes just because of how repetitive it has started to become. miu is a serious change to this and offers him some kind of purpose while also reminding him of not only how SCARED he was as a teenager first exiting the simulator but also how unrestrained he had been before the years went by. theres a balance there!!!

but at the same time, there ARE some similarities. theyre both a bit paranoid, and even if miu is more willing to be vocal about her distaste theyre both scared of danganronpa as a company. they also both strive for some kind of peace, even if they have different versions of it-- makoto wishes to be unburdened by the weight of responsibility and his Ultimate Hope persona while miu wishes for stability in her relationships with others, even if she just isnt the best at it. its why i like writing small moments such as the two of them just sitting in the car and chatting or the most recent moment where theyre not talking at all but are still comfortable in each others company-- they dont explicitly tell the other that theyre super happy and at peace but they both subconsciously understand :)

OKAY CUTTING MYSELF OFF!!!! GFHDGFDJ THANK YOU SO SO MUCH <33

right back at ya cowboy

Omg ella I'm so sorry I was gonna do this "later" and then it got buried. OK. I clicked. EDIT: I JUST FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS IM DOUBLE SORRY lol imma expose my ramble draft

[So in case someone's reading this thinking ???? we sometimes throw a spinning wheel of songs at each other and then just go rambling yelling analysing whatever it gives back. I've kept track with this tag, feel free to copy any of them wheels links and go off or bug someone with it actually pls do]

Oh you mean that song I for some reason like some total idiot put on first thing in the morning and just bawl my eyes out, you know when its so early you're just so vulnerable and everything feels raw and there's no thoughts just something primal happens and it's me drowning myself in this song and then the day can start I guess am I fine nobody knows. It's now my Saturday morning ritual where before coffee I see some sun and I just bawl there's something therapeutic about it. I'd recommend it. Just some sun some coffee brewin some confused pet wondering if you're OK yeah.

Anyway. The song I can place extremely easily in like "1d ended and it sucked" context, but it works with a lot. whatever I can think of him, or anyone, writing about, whatever it means to me. (general Louis' songwriting ramble incoming:) I'm looking at FITF differently compared to Walls and previous work and he's approached it differently, I feel like what he's been saying about his discography fits that as well. I think (this is a mash of what i think to hear in his lyrics and in interviews, so heavy paraphrasing:) before he had this idea he should be writing where the whole thing makes sense to be about this one situation/idea and it has to be about him too and sure perhaps a context might have been written around it, but i think in the past hes been pretty perfectionist on having every single line fit the thing he was thinking of what that song is, and now thats no longer the case. Now it's whatever works, whatever hits, feels, does it. It doesn't matter one thought/situation flows into another.

I guess that was a long rambley way of saying I wanna do line by line lyric analyses of his stuff but I don't know how to make that work as it did previously, for me at least. But on the other by temporarily running with one interpretation and seeing what you can find in the lines can really help see more angles, bring more depth to the line, and consider other meanings and stuff so.. idk not much wrong with it. I wanna do that too I think. This is I guess A Promise I'll do a Holding On To Heartache lyric breakdown. At Some Point. :D

But I think his choices of words and soundscapes and perhaps all them being little references are just wonderful. I cherish it so much. I'm slightly afraid he did the same in Perfect Now (like after seeing a web of possible perfect now lyrical referencing that song did become one of my favs as I love that idea like it gives so much more body depth meaning whatever to a song to me even if not on purpose lol its not even relevant at that point anymore anyway) and long term didn't value it much so now I'm afraid my new little more poppy fav will be his new neglected child but time will tell. Just... have an itch. Rip. EDIT yeah that itch got worse because of the track by track we got now.. it's got that bit about HOTH being a poppy one and the way he's talking about it sigh i feel him but sigh also hes sigh i dont wannt start that discourse over that shit so no. but itch. I uh... luckily don't let how I interpret his reactions to his own songs affect the way I feel about his own songs haha brainpayne this.

ok ok ok last ramble it sounds so fucking liquid? so wet?? how do I explain this why does it sound w e t EDIT: help me he said the sound is like a guitar under water like he's drowning it's flooding we're in a puddle of tears this song, it's what makes me bawl I think, because the song sounds like bawling, and your cheeks are puffed up and we,t and you find a moment of quiet and stare up at the sky with your wet lashes exhausted defeated but you're still here you're still breathing. Also the bridge with the "space between us just comes FLOODING back" at the end of it, it's not the bit that hits the hardest in an obvious way, instead it kinda gets overlooked a way, theres no moment to sit and waddle in the SHIT FLOODING BACK RIGHT THERE it just goes right into the quiet bit again,there's no time given to recover from getting crushed by the wavesm and it just does something to me... I can't leave that bit as the little end of a big thought it sounds like, but the way its sung... time just keeps ticking and we're at the end. I'm almost sure that wasn't intentional and like @ me why focus on this of all the overwhelm that's in this song, but that just feels like a reflection of the feeling I get from this song, you're just fucking sitting there in the middle of this overwhelming ache these waves of hurt and shit just moves on and youre just there stuck there with but i wasn't done? But I guess I should be? Like there's no room for me drowning in this even more but I feel like I need to still?

ramble out.

ok this is real long and rambly im v sorry !! i jus wanted to talk abt music as well heh,, i loved reading ur music commentary under the tag game !! (hehe. i tag u rlly often cuz. i hav this secret inner mechanism where if a mutual tags me in anything *once* ill tag that mutual in literally everything if i remember/if prompted. tis how i roll) tho fr ur segment abt 20 min prog rock songs was so damn accurate. it rlly reminded me of pink floyd's "dogs", king crimson's "lizard" (not the album itself but moreso the sort of. i guess mashup shit they do. another prime example of this is moonchild (including the dream and the illusion), or the devil's triangle. which is honestly more nervewracking rather than boring i guess. JDEVGAVEAHDHGEAVHGAEVDGEVDG. hell ost i guess. w lizard ive listened to it so many times and while it does hav a multitude of lyrics DAMN those 23 minutes are painstakingly longgg ! i guess im a lil biased cuz u know ive played it too often. tho it does hav some v beautiful parts... ! i think a prime example of what u hav mentioned abt prog rock was w king crimson's one red nightmare. it has a cool part and then its jus. Instrumentals after and it gets kind of boring. at least the drums r p damn good!! or u know to some of comus's songs (which isnt prog rock but its prog folk. same damn thing where the songs are INSANELY long and can sometimes b rlly boring in certain portions), some prime examples being their song the herald (only 12min long. but mannn sometimes w prog rock or prog folk they make 10+ min songs feel like HOURS. but its also v mesmerizing!! or drip drip which. holy hell is an AMAZING song but theres this one part thats insanely fucking boringgg YAWN. its a nice break before the very chilling lyrics nearing the end but. come on now!) but yeah. i jus wanted to ramble bc i rlly need to get to listening to kc's entire discography as well. idk what u've listened to jus yet but some song recs if ur inchrested or havent listened to them already... could also apply 2 some of ur followers if they read this long ass ramble. this ask is a 20+ min prog rock song at this point: formentera lady, islands, the letters, ladies of the road, pictures of a city, moonchild, cirkus runthrough / lady of the dancing water (alt take) (why this one? it jus sounds better imo. lady of the dancing water is very very beautiful), thela hun ginjeet (this one is very fun and catchy), the sheltering sky, frame by frame, matte kudasai (VERY soothing), ummm.. dr diamond (live. i wish there was a more high quality ver somewhere), cadence and cascade, book of saturday, probably some more i forgot abt !!!!!! top 5 songs on their spotify also slap (obvs everyone and their mom already knows those songs id imagine! tho for new listeners those r bangers. esp starless.). if u wanna get REAL scared u should listen to da devil's triangle. (exaggerating but its quite diff from what *ive* heard. like hollyyy hell they set the mood down so so so so so well)

I appreciate the extra depth in the commentary- it is thoughtful. (I also appreciate the tag games.)

I agree that progressive rock is a very alluring and simultaneously often frustrating genre as someone who tends to be a fan of it. I consider it the musical equivalent of a sit-down meal; it requires a lot of patience and is best for when you have the time to just appreciate and drift off to it.

Progressive rock is usually lengthy, often slow, very experimental, and tends to utilize a lot of improvisation; as a result, you end up with a lot of songs with pieces that work extremely well, but you do often have to sit through a lot of parts that you just don't care for. Having music be a test of patience is understandably just not for everybody.

I find that my favorite progressive rock songs transform into feeling more like journeys rather than typical musical experiences. I consider Echoes by Pink Floyd to be my favorite prog rock song (and one of my favorite songs in general) for this reason. I end up enjoying the long middle portion entirely made of odd, unnerving, very non-"musical" sounds, because the entire song feels like you are trekking through something strange and unknown.

The slow transition with the buildup of the main tune's return at the very end of the middle portion feels almost like a phoenix rising from the ashes, or the reward at the end of a long journey- I hope that doesn't sound cheesy, lol. I enjoy sometimes playing Echoes at nighttime while I'm lying in bed, and I believe that is the absolute best time to play it. It ends up being a very moving experience for me and it really highlights the great potentials of progressive rock.

Thank you for the recommendations- I'm planning to listen to everything, anyway, but I'm sure any of my followers looking for music recs will appreciate it. King Crimson gets a lot of praise from music enthusiasts, but it doesn't seem as well-known among the mainstream as other progressive rock like Pink Floyd, for example.

*tagging this since a lot of reoccuring folk who interact or ask things dont follow me (no hate I get it!!)

Oh oh also! I feel the need to bring this up since I'm getting loads of new followers from my spot/Jonathan x y/n ohnn posts!

Future admin note; TLDR below IS the entire post because it summed up everything I needed/wanted to say better than the initial ramble and I'm too silly to reword it into

Not being a TLDR

TLDR since a lot of it is admin rambling and getting off topic; this is a multi fandom blog that primarily centers around the admins current hyperfixiation (due to how strong the admin experiences brainrot), but defaults to creepypasta content when the admin either

A) doesnt have a particular rot

B) is embarassed of their current rot (I'm cringe and not free)

C) the fandom is very obscure or small

On average a hyperfixiation for the admin can last from a few weeks to a few months, and usually when one dies it can take a long time to reignite if at all. Because of how intense their interests get, it can become incredibly difficult for the admin to write outside of the current fandom.

Basically I just wanna warn you guys that I'm uncertain how long I'll be writing for spot and for how long my hc lists for him will remain decent quality and I want you guys to know ahead of time before the spiderverse rot inevitably dies <\3

It won't be an outright ban on spot writings though!! I'll probably rework my pinned to have two lists; one for main interests and a side for characters I'm comfy writing with

The only real thing that will change is a fluctuation in passion and posting frequency

I will say when my spiderverse fixiation dies I can almost guarantee that it'll be revived when beyond comes out

That's just a fact, whenever a new part to an old interest is released it always comes back

Seen it with the owl house (the finale episodes coming out), seen it with Fran Bow (creators getting REAL active with releasing character stuff and merch recently), Overwatch (I blame ramattra for bringing back that one. Before that the last time I touched OVW was in like. 2016? So literally when the game first came out) and probably a few others

Those are the only two examples I can think of

Anyways

Yeah!! Thats really all! I guess I'd just feel guilty if I suddenly had a visible attitude shift in passion and hype around spot <\3

And I dont want to throw any one off with that random shift when it comes, esp because so many of you like my silly rambles

As of now the interest is fairly strong so yall dont gotta worry yet!!

So yeah!!

Remember to drink water and get plenty of rest, take your meds and have an amazing day!

TLDR for the TLDR that turned into the entire post;

Admin is autistic (/srs) and bounces around fandoms a lot as interests come and go, said interests sometimes totally consuming their entire brain to the point they cant think/create/interact with anything outside the hyperfixiation, and when a new fixiation comes in the old one dies leaving behind little to no incentive to create for it

Admin really doesnt like how their brain works for this but :(

okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??

in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!

I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕

(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)

I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.

I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)

I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.

But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???

Lesson 1

Chapter 1: The calm before the summoning

Tags: meantion of anxiety, bad familial connections, parental anger (not directed at mc), theft of private information

Icarus laughed. " What the hell! Why was the Netto dog car here! And it parked infront of the Rewe?! Thats a power move!" His father laughed too while pulling into the parking lot of Icarus' Apartment Complex. "Thats a good Question, Püppi!"

Both Nox family members got out the car with icarus taking his golden round glasses off to clean them "Its really nice out today. Want to eat the cake I made on my balceny, Papa? The cat net is installed so Lavendel cant hurt herself or fall off. I got some really comfy chairs too on it now for cheap!" The older Nox coughed and smiled, taking the gorceries they got for Icarus out the trunk " Sure. Why not? What did you bake by the way?" Skipping to his door and letter box he put the now clean tinted glasses back on. "Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte! I had alot of cherries and chocolate at home still and felt like eating it!", the young blond explained opening his letter box in the meantime.

"..A red letter?? Who uses that?"

"Maybe one of your Letter friends? They used pretty colorful envelops right?"

"Yeah your right. Maybe my american or canadian friend replied.", Icarus hummed happily, "I'll better open this one upstairs. Don't wanna lose the stickers they usually send me!" His Father nodded smiling and gave his son one of the bags, following said boy into his Apartment COmplex and up the countless stairs.

Setting down the tray with tea and cake Icarus hummed one of the many sounds stuck in his head form click clack. "Did I forget anything? Oh I already added Honey, Papa. No need for sugar. Honey is better for your throat.", Icarus calmly rambled on, "Oh the red letter! I wonder if Aiden or Thomas answered!" Skipping back inside Icarus grabbed the letter sitting on his shelf.

Upon seeing his precious cat laying next to it he had to smile and giggled. "Well hello my beautiful little Tiger. How is the Air up there? Your protecting Papa's Mail? Good little Tiger~", the boy cooed at the purring cat. Calmly he took the letter, petting the head of the calico cat at the same time which pawed at her owners hand, almost as if trying to take the letter away again making said owner giggle even more.

Sitting down next to his father Icarus put the letter on the table. Still smiling he started hummung again earning a smile from his father "You have been humming that melody quite often nowadays? Where do you know it from?" "A repeating dream. A pretty lady with soft purple hair hums it everytime before she sees me. I guess it got suck in my head.", the younger Nox explained smiling serving his father a slice of his homemade cake frist.

Taking the letter and the unused knife Icarus opened the red letter smiling while his father started eating his cake piece, still oblivious to what was its contents.

"Congratulations!

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at the

Royal Academy of Diavolo.

We are looking forward to welcoming you as part of our new exchange program.

Yours sincerely,

Diavolo"

"...Hä??", Icarus exclaimed confused and showed his father the letter, "What's this?? I've never signed up for anything. You know how careful I am!" Thinking about the situation his father scoffed "It must have been your grandfather then. How did your Opa get your school certificates tho? And your resume?"

"Wish I knew..That Alter Sack knows nothing most the time of modern tech. And I don't keep in touch with him, you know how much I dislike him. Only wanted to visit while Oma was still alive as i adored her as you know.", still seeing his father look unhappy he contuined with a dumb joke he thought of in that moment to lift the mood of the older man," You could think he is a demon with how crazy he can be while somehow getting stuff like that."

Looking at his father he knew shit hit the fan.

Getting his dad upset was already hard but the gentle man angry was almost mission impossible. But there he sat, red acceptance letter in hand and his seething father next to him.

"Do you know why he could do this? Like is there an old promise i don't know of..?", the now unsure son asked his father, seeing the dark eys of his father looked almost ablaze. Angry his faher explained "My Mother, so your biological grandma, always regretted that none of her kids could study at a the renounced Academy in my home country. So she safed up as much as she could and put our family name on the waiting list. I guess Opa got the mail that we have a spot now and filled everything out to send you to honor his late wifes wish for once in his bloody life time. But that he didnt even ask!" "Yeah, asking me would have been nice.. especially as I am working on getting a place in the Gardner's Training for over a year now..and I have a cat. I don't think I can take Lavendel to the dorm", the younger worried, biting his lip get his anxiety down. Not helping the anger of his father.

They sat in silence, both having a different reason, before Icarus father sighed "Is there at least a date on when u have to be there?"

Icarus flipped the letter before he answered "It says in a week and that they will get me. I also don't have to worry about anything, they will take care of it...wierd..they say I'm one of two human students? What.." His father nervously took his cup and drank a bit which didn't slip the watchful boy's attention. Something is up...Papa is nervous., he thought. Thinking better as to ask his father he took a slice of cake. "If Mama will take Lavendel? She took her in when I had to go into the clinic too. As I know you can't, you have Pünktchen and Yuukii.", Icarus thought out loud. "Ask her. She seems better these day. And your brother will be happy about the company too.", his father encouraged him.

Icarus nodded in thought again, there were a few things to do before he could go to the Academy. His guardians needed to know, his halfway house too as well as his social worker in the worker's department. He sighed and decided that was a problem for tomorrows Icarus. Today, he would enjoy the little peace with his father and cat he had before he had to be busy.

Somewhere a star watched the boy calmly, deciding the young boy should know of his orgin..as the stars last dying wish..

To be continued..

Not a Dottore moment this time but man my brain sure is on a Collei kick recently.

Au Razor tl is the flavor today.

I'm starting to remember Collei's time in Mondstadt. I wasnt rly active in all the webcomic stuff, but I was a background observer. And I talked to Collei a few times- Mostly cause Mom (Lisa) scared the hell outta her. (I get it, alotta kids end up scared of her heh)

Moving on-

Collei didnt really talk back to me much- I wasnt rly used to having so much space to fill in a conversation. Normally I was the quieter one while Benny rambled on. She didnt seem to mind my rambling tho. She calmed down the first time we talked anyway (does it really count as a conversation when Im the only one talking? /hj). She was so scared of mom she was shaking BAD. I get it, she was in such a new and scary environment and seemed to only barely be comfortable with Amber. Of course the others were terrifying.

I'm glad I seemed to help at least- And she liked my tea so thats another win.

I'm not sure if we ever kept contact, or re-met later down the line. I'm positive she wouldnt have forgotten me tho. I did wish she had stuck around at the time. She seemed interesting and I was sure if she had warmed up to us, she would've fit right into the group (Benny, Fischl, and I). And I honestly think visiting Sumeru would have been a treat. I looked up to Cyno a lot already ,would've been cool to see him some more too. (he had visited mom a few times before assisting Collei since they were rather close friends) Though mom may have been too paranoid of me joining the Akademiya to allow that.

At least I know Collei made it to a better place, thats good. Its what she deserved after going through so much.

heh Maybe while my brain's on a "caring Collei" kick I'll finally get some answers for my Bennett tl. I've had hunches about her for months but nothings been expanded yet. (probably cause I dont shift him much hah) We'll see I guess, for now though its just Razor who's fought past Dottores overbearing feelings.

~Razor Minci 🕯♟ (Just as last time mpc, please just tag "Razorkin" for the kin tags, last name is a tl specific thing)

'

wanted to make an about me for me n my sys as well as an about me for the blog! (we may edit this post often)

firstly, let me explain the blog and what its for!

this blog is mainly here for us to educate people about ug subs, talk to others about reality shifting, post about our system, and post mood boards for characters! everything will be tagged appropriately incase you wanna block out a specific tag so you can just browse through our other posts without seeing posts with that tag! ill add onto this post later with all the main tags were gonna use so you know what posts/topic will be in which tags! a quick warning about the blog! this blog will talk about sensitive topics, as a lot of ug subs revolve around sensitive topics! we may also have posts that could be considered 'sexual themes' as we do make and use subs for that stuff!

secondly, i guess were just the nevadan system?? idk we dont really have a solid name figured out but that works i think. our system really isnt that large, theres probably maybe less than 20 of us? though, youre probably just gonna see the madcom guys show up on the blog as the others dont really care for social media. we use quiogenic as our label as we dont exactly feel we fit traumagenic or endogenic. were bodily 18, but all our ages are different of course! boundaries depends on whoevers fronting

now, onto individual intros!

hi, im deimos, the one making this post! im the host and probably the main person to use the blog. my boundaries are mostly just dont act sexual around me when im age regressed (swearing is fine cause i grew up with swearing in my household) and please do not talk about my death/make purgatory jokes. it makes me very upset when i see anything relating to it. im an age slider and age regressor who slides/regresses between 4-18, but i usually stay between 15-18! i use he/they/clown/it pronouns and identify as a trans male, though i do use genderfluid as well to explain the way i present. im on the aro-ace spectrum, not sure what exactly, just know i dont experience romantic attraction the same way as others and sexual attraction is very limited, as well as pan n polyamorous! i use UG subs and am the main reality shifter here as the others dont front that often (though were working on that). ill sign off with 🚬 on posts!

the next person you may see often is hank! hes a trauma holder of ours, so please be gentle with him. his boundaries are just basically ask before any physical affection and dont flirt with them platonically or romantically as it makes them uncomfortable since hes taken. hank seems really cold and aggressive, but thats just his natural state! theyre about 39 (old ass man /lhj). he uses he/they pronouns and identifies as nonbinary. theyre on the aromantic spectrum as well as unlabeled n polyamorous. he is taken by doc and tricky. hanks mostly just here for giving advice as thats the thing theyre best at. theyll sign off with 🔪 on posts!

the last main person youll probably see is tricky! trickys a persecutor and can get a little aggressive, but it doesnt mean to! their boundaries are just no romantic flirting. honk tries to be very nice to people and loves making new friends! honks 69 but doesnt act like it. he uses it/honk/they/he pronouns and identifies as nonbinary! theyre bisexual and polyamorous! honks taken by hank and the auditor. it types in all caps as well as uses clown in place of me and i! sometimes it may shorten words like you to u and abbreviate things when possible. trickys here for moodboard/aesthetic related requests/posts! they love making those types of things. itll sign off with 🤡 on posts!

the other people that may potentially pop up are doc and dr. hofnarr, but theyre either antisocial or shy around strangers

tag list (will add as we use more/think of more)

deimos rambles - deimos rambling posts, talking bout whatever comes to his mind

nevadan system - posts about our system, updates on it, talking about new members, etc.

ug subliminal / ug subliminals - posts about ug subliminals, could be a ug sub of ours, one we think is cool, or posts talking about them!

mood boards - mood boards weve created or ones we think are cool!