#that's... that's an autistic narrative for sure. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autistic-beshelar · 2 years

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rue is, i think, in love with the idea of love.

they set a wager. the lords of the wing will find true love in this romantic, ephemeral bloom, if they only seek it. they can win it, as though it’s a game.

they long to abolish the courts. their own court has never held any love for them - why would any other court be different? a court stifles, a court smothers, a court suffocates love. the courts must be abolished, so that love can bloom. true love, love that is unfettered by politics, or station, or duty.

they are the architect of the bloom. the hunt, the heart. the dance. the potions. they will pour love into a cup and the guests will drink their fill. fae from across the realms will fall in beautiful, perfect love at rue’s hand.

they have become the arbiter of love. when an engagement between a cruel prince and a wild goblin is set, what else can they do but judge it unfit? it was not love, it was not true.

they share a moment in a forest with a venerated captain. he is tall, as they are. he is clawed, as they are. he is a beast, as they are, and so beautiful for it. they fall fast, and hard, and heavy. and perhaps it is only the nature of queerness, of a life lived behind a mask, yearning for the faintest spark, that causes them to love so fast.

or perhaps they did not truly fall in love with hob at all. for they did not see him.

they fell in love with a reflection of themself.

except, of course, that hob is not a reflection of rue. hob is his own person, and like any real person, he cannot live up to an idea. and while rue is on a wonderful journey of revelation and self acceptance, it is baffling to them that someone else’s love does not always mirror their own.

rue, in an act of bravery and vulnerability and hope, removed their mask. and they long so very much to remove hob’s - but he has never worn a mask. he has always been exactly as he is - a soldier, devoted and dutiful. an outsider, used and abused by his court. rue’s true form was hidden by their court, while hob’s otherness has always been mercilessly exposed.

rue loves hob for the idea of who he could be, if he could simply unmask as they did. but hob needs, just as rue does, to be loved for who he is.

#this really went from 'rue doesn't truly understand love and is fucked up about it'#to 'rue thinks hob's story is one of queerness but it is in fact of neurodivergence'#and while rue could pass #hob never could #this hurt me to write btw.#a court of fey and flowers #delloso de la rue #captain kp hob #i see a LOT of talk about rue's story being a queer one #which it very very deliberately and wonderfully is #but i see the same being said of hob #and i'm not saying it's wrong to see hob's story as a queer one too #but to me hob's entire narrative is so clearly an autistic one #the abuse and manipulation and straight up gaslighting that he has received from his superiors #reads so clearly as authority figures taking advantage of a neurodivergent person #his whole... inability to accept that anyone could love him for who he is #the way he is othered not so much for how he looks #but for his BEHAVIOUR #for things that are blatant autistic traits #that's... that's an autistic narrative for sure.#not to say that hob isn't also queer #and of course there is so so much overlap between queer stories and autistic stories #but i think that #rue is only seeing their experience as a queer person #they aren't understanding that hob's experience is different than theirs #because he is autistic #also for many other reasons but like. look. we're talking autism babey.#and also i'm not saying rue can't also be autistic or neurodivergent in some way #but they don't have the same experience as hob does

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archive2394934 · 1 year

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#henry creel #vecna #001 #stranger things #You know ive seen characters who actually are nazi allegories get treated with more respect than henry #in fact those characters are usually the most loved little meow meow of their respective fandoms #but you know what? none of those characters are heavily autistic coded <3 #im just saying.#sure it wasn't ops intention but imma just say dont trust people who go out of their way to portray characters like henry as the oppressors #just being an antagonist in a narrative does not mean shit nor validate takes like that #henry is AUTISTIC CODED not nazi coded in any way good lord

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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 1 year

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So an LP channel I love presented a theory that the mage circle in DA is essentially built to fail, things like templar incompetence and brutality and poor training of mages are allowed to spread specifically so that there are enough incidents to keep the widespread fear of mages fresh, and I LOVE that. Given how Bioware writes I sincerely doubt its intended, but its a take that I really love particularly when you look at all the cultures with mages outside of the chantry that do just fine (mainly thinking if the dalish here but like...there's enough casually mentioned apostates out there just vibing to suggest that circle training against demons isn't all that effective)

Downside is it makes Vivienne all the more infuriating to deal with. I already struggled talking to her because she's like...she's literally fighting for her own oppression, it drives me insane

#and before anyone says sure i see the arguments that mages are inherently dangerous #its the same story you see in X-men or telepaths in B5 etc etc #that doesnt make it any less a narrative about oppression lol #its the same reason i have such strong opinions on marvel civil war for example #(the comic not the movie the movie was shit)#like...it doesnt matter how theoretically dangerous a person is. theyre still a fucking person.#let individual groups manage their own people yknow #shocking take my gay autistic trans ass is agressively pro mage lol but like...god #bioware has such an interesting and direct parable on their hands and routinely wipes their collective ass with it #and its especially frustrating bc Vivienne is an interesting character! id love to get to know her more #but every fucking conversation is a criticism that im giving mages basic personal freedoms or how wonderful the chantry is #it makes her downright unpleasant to talk to #at least sera and bull feel like they can at least see the other side of things sometimes

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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 year

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remembering a fun marble hornets trans wrights element throwback where i managed to show up for one of their first convention features & while this was ofc already [serious "hmm...Not Cis: me??"] occasions i wasn't yet out or anything like well time to suffer being known & perceived thusly....while i Was out by the same occasion the next year like well here i am again, different name, binder, no plans to give anyone any rundown about this thing, hope it goes smoothly anyways and/or i'm effectively giving a reintroduction anyhow even though i May have been up to more memorable things that last time....no conversations needed to be had, i think i had the impression i was recalled as the same person but it was an entirely chill time, just this as like an early and pretty unique Occasion of like, here's people who know me from In Person (and ig Kind of online, i also don't recall ever like distinctly linking said in person appearance to onlineness lol. it just may also have not been an unsolveable mystery or a mystery at all. but mostly in person, and that's the element i was focusing on anyways) and my showing up transly in person with a whole other name this time as the major difference really lol. like well hope this goes swimmingly....And It Did. and at some point not eons later ya boy tim with some cringe comp sincerety like oh let me make this post somewhere about how an epic element of being a known internet creator is meeting new & various people including explicitly the [mh fans are like exclusively The Gays. and then some unfiction posters] factor & i'm like lol well you're welcome. just doing my part. but fr that was neat like i'm glad to get chill indirect & direct trans validation from internet horror series contributors in that immediate period of coming out & having to sweat it like damn wasn't at this point last time around

#lot of highlights that first time around at said expo....#loved being present for this like. Season One Dvd Live Commentary as this like late event put on some non ground floor room....#like it wasn't Huge but an impressive number of ppl showed up waiting outside & then the space was pretty packed #& it was just a fun and spontaneous time lol #also like going ''hmm autistic: me??'' as seriously & framed thusly consideration came years later #& relatively recent posting from ya boy tim (twitter) abt like adhd / autistic: me?? are throwbacks lmao like #hey pal as a [yes to both: me] party i can say that like anyone who's chosen to have multiple relatively extensive exchanges w/myself....#it's kind of its own ''hmm. you sure you're nt'' occasion lol #i would be Unsurprised thusly just like i'm Unsurprised abt the [practically no one is cis/het] factor....#anyways i have no idea what's going on w/the fact mh has these organic like popularity resurgences especially including Now apparently #but who tf is ever tuned in? cool when people are having fun and being themselves.#sort of distantly interesting to see what material people come up with in organic novel [entire new groups of ppl / popularity wave]#and mh i guess does that more often than maybe other things do #as they say it's a) just There online for perusal b) accessible in other ways. there's handy playlists & it's basically a few movies.#and c) there's always some hot new online homemade horror material & people can get into That & then into others ig. like mh sitting there #it's a like ''huh. i guess'' surprise even when mutuals / followers from Completely Different Things i indirectly find also watch/ed mh #like well. i don't really have a frame of reference for all this stuff lmao. i Guess it's unsurprising but to me feels like a weird overlap #just wasn't that niche? Isn't that niche? if you're like. Online to a sufficient degree. strongly narrative; a drama; shelved w/queer media #and that following along while it released was fun but now the advantage is: Not having to do that. it all just sits there #my fucking pet peeve as things Were released & people were like. oh plotlines progressed in this thing? smh filler #there were moments when people are walking to a location? filler. there were moments when it wasn't just sloober standing there? filler.#like would you shut tf up lmfao....crash courses in ''even when an online fanbase is small. ya don't wanna talk to Everyone''#which for me was part of a learning process like i don't wanna talk to practically Anyone thanks lmao. but the posts could be fun at least #let's have some appreciation along the lines of uhh smthing talking abt season one first house visit entry and how like #yeah it's fun how In Essence yes nothing happens but it's the creation of a very suspenseful experience anyways like thank you #having to explain things like Pacing [if Action & Intensity were Nonstop they'd stop being Effective or at all Interesting]#cue explaining this re: even Drama also like. deh's Drama is served by the interludes for ppl ''interrupting'' w/ ''lol? &/or tf?'' moments #mh the musical...

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sammygender · 1 year

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i think im officially an ats fan. something just clicked

#rewatching s1 with my mom and brother (previously i got a bit into s2 and then stopped)#and. like. IDK i just really like it. something about it is suddenly compelling to me #i think angel the character just really Clicked all of a sudden #i’ve LIKED him for a while since i first saw ats but #i just find his whole thing so compelling actually. like. idk! angel in the city of angels.#he’s done so much wrong and hurt so many but now he’s different like completely different totallly and better #and he’s helping he’s ‘redeeming’ himself slowly but surely he’s fighting to be more than who he was #but his past ALWAYS comes back for him and whenever he’s allowed forgiveness he immediately rejects it because he isn’t done feeling bad and #he isn’t done atoning #like!! narrative of ALL time pathetic catholic vampire much?#and his best friends are some british freak who dresses like he’s 40 and is. like. 24. and a nineteen year old autistic ex-popular girl who #still remembers him from when he was in his angsty love interest completely whipped for some (incredibly amazing and powerful) blonde girl #and then went evil. and he runs a fucking private detective agency. and his fucking enemies are EVIL LAWYERS???#and they’re in silly nycccc and it does have too much macho macho men energy but that doesn’t bother me so much now that i’m older and gayer #it’s just cute i love all their lil silly interactions and it’s less visibly bubbly than buffy but in a way it’s actually a little more Me #like don’t get me wrong i think btvs is better. and funnier. but i do actually really LIKE ats!#and angels just. like. so transgender. transfem transgender not transmasc. & she’s literally my babygirl #oliver talks

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incongruous-faggot · 1 year

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Time to use this blog for

✨Yelling into the void✨

#oh he hasnt called. yet i shohkd work #hes gonna call in a second i cant work #feeling the opposite of great and lovely thank you very much #so??? worried??? feel??? so??? worried????#very very much the type of person to jave so much shit goikg on #but to have good enough grades #and having managed to juuuust scrape by in life #that im convinced the doctor checking me for le autismus is goijg to tell me im 100% nt tomorrow #despite not being able to do a single bit of work today bevause i was awaiting his phonecall #comometely locked in a loop of #and from 6 in the morning to 17 in the evening :((#idk man #if someone told me i was just being dramatic id be willing to belive them #becauae i guess thats the narrative i grew up with #but this [gestures to the entirety of me] surely cant be completely nt???? right??#i just #i feel so off from the world outside my little bubble of autistic and adhd friends #so yeah #void yelling <3 #autism

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neonpinksnake · 1 year

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I WATCHED DON'T HUG ME I'M SCARED. FINALLY. I DO LOVE IT AND FEEL SO MAMY THINGS ABOUT IT. WILL RE WATCH EVERY SINGLE EPISODE ABOUT IT.

#I'm ignoring the theories <3 some youtubers do not know how to be normal about horror so I avoid them <3 #I only watched one (1) about what if it's all about autism. I only watched it cause I was really curious if I was wrong in thinking that #and nope!! I might be right!! cause there are a lot of things talking about struggles of being autistic #now I don't think the other theories of it criticizing how fascist and outright bad is traditional education #like the points ARE there it's not like people just put thing for nothing #but I think both theories are right. like it's rouching multiple themes at the same time #it does talk about trauma a lot too. and model families. education system. religion. neurodivergent (specially autism)#like it's not just one thing although the video I watched made it seem like it can't be the other things #so disagree only that cause the theory the video presented was spot on for me #I think in the series it touches neurodivergency more broadly cause surely duck has Something #he reminds me of my dad so I might be projecting but maybe ocd?#my point is all of them have their issues and that's one reason it's difficult to love together. cause the whole thing is also them trying-#- to not kill each other and figuring out how to live with the other person + all the people jumping out of nowhere to teach them #red guy trying to scape? maybe not scape but trying to See more things. to experience more and discover what's happening or why #LOVE that. hunted by the narrative #I hate duck <3 PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN. I'M SAYING IT WITH LOVE #he's so well made like I hate him but he's so necessary it's insane. I went full circle watching the series #'i hate him' 'i love him' 'I hate him <3' Like he's my emotional support shitty guy #THE SECOND RED GUY TALKED I LITERALLY FELL IN LOVE. SORRY. Not as in literally but in a 'He's just like me fr' way #I see myself in him soooo much I WANT to be him #And then yellow guy #I am ACTUALLY him <3 I'm not joking every time he appeared I was like 'ME. I DO THAT #AND THIS IS WERE THAT VIDEO I WATCHED GAVE ME A NEW PERSPECTIVE: the horror is Not in what it satirizes or the weird theory saying this is-#-an actual kids show that went wrong. The horror is in the experience of being autistic and living in the world.#That person was so right for that. what the theories do is make the story intresting. but the horror is There. Visible.#you don't have to look for easter eggs. you don't have to analyze how they move. the horror looks at you the second it can #things fall apart and have a reason and I do think it tackles a lot of the problems living in the world being autistic. SO good. loved that #I headcanon all of them with autism but + other things. like they're all autistic but also have other conditions that make it difficult #edit- there are many typos SORRY. will happen again. specifically 'rouches = touches' and 'love (together) = live (together)'

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hello-nichya-here · 5 months

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Did Sia insult topic of autism somehow?

Oh honey, it's sooooooooo much worse than that.

Sia wanted to make a movie about an autistic girl that manages to connect to people/feel safe and confident through music. So far, nothing outrageous, just a simple concept that would obviously put Sia's music front and center while doing something nice and educating people on autism.

There was controversy about her not casting an autistic actress as it would have been nice representation, but she could have totally gotten away with that since, come on, hollywood hasn't even figured out Rain Man isn't exactly true to life, they're not ready to have an autistic person playing an autistic character. Baby steps.

The real problem started when Sia started promoting the "charity/support group" that was helping "educate" her on the topic to make the movie. The "charity" in question was Autism Speaks - which is absolutely HATED by the autistic community for things like:

1 - Spreading the myth that autism is a mental illness that one can develop/catch like the freaking flue and potentially be cured of, instead of a neurotype, aka something starts in the woomb and cannot be "cured" because to do that you'd need to replace someone's entire nervous system, which is impossible.

2 - Using that myth to get outrageous amounts of money from people so they "search for a cure" - that doesn't exist and will never exist because curing autism is biologically impossible, AND despite the fact that the overwhelming majority of autistic people don't even want to be "cured" (plus, since said "cure" would essentially mean giving the person a new brain, it leads to the question of "Would I even be the same person, or would that just kill and replace me?")

3 - Using the myth of "We don't know what causes autism" (we do, it's genetic) to, of course, get MORE money from people so they can "do research to find the missing puzzle piece" (if you ever see autistic people complaining about a puzzle piece being used to represent the condition, that's why, it was started by Autism Speak's massive disinformation campains).

4 - Falsely "confirming" things like soy milk cause autism with one of the world's most ridiculous "research", losing only to "vaccines totally make kids autistic, buy MY vaccine instead, guys, I am totally not an unbelievably biased person, it's ALL the other doctors/scientists lying to you. GIVE ME MONEY!"

5 - Pushing the narrative of "autism is inherently a tragedy" to distract from the fact that all the money they waste on stupid shit could be used to help autistic people and their families. Instead, they focus on creating more and more panic, making parents in particular despair even more - to the point that one of their "awareness videos" includes a mother talking about how she wants to murder her autistic daughter and then kill herself... while sitting right next to said daughter.

6 - Promoting ABA "therapy" - which was created by the same guy responsible for the attrocity that is gay conversion "therapy." Both have led to unbelievably high rates of confirmed PTSD and suicidal ideation in patients (victims), and ABA in particular has been compared to literal dog training. Very fitting since it was created by a guy who famously did not believe autistic people truly counted as thinking, feeling human beings, and said as much several times. Despite that, it is still praised by some utter bastards because "it makes the patients act less autistic when they're not crying in the corner or trying to jump out a window"

So yeah, working with these guys is a genuinely horrible thing to do since they're basically a scam/hate group pretending to be a charity - and people were STILL willing to give Sia the benefit of the doubt, since Autism Speak uses all their resources to make sure they're the first thing people see when looking up how to help autistic people.

Lots of Sia's fans, both autistic and allistic, warned her repeatedly, politely, that she needed to supporting them IMMEDIATELY as their goal was the exact opposite of the one she claimed to have - aka raise awareness through an accurate portrail of autism. People were even kind enough to name organizations like ASAN as replacements to help her fix any damage done to the project.

And instead of being a decent human being, Sia decided to cry on twitter about how the mean retar-I mean, autistics were bullying her even when she was so kindly using them for her vanity project.

Because yes, that's how the movie turned out. An unwatcheable piece of garbage, with the autistic "character" being so fucking bad even the people who actively use "autistic" as insulted being offended on our behalf - and of course, she was used just a prop to show how awesome Sia's character was.

Seriously, it was so bad the actress playing the autistic girl was sobbing in between scenes because she knew how it was horrible and she didn't want to insult anyone, but Sia is literally her godmother and helped her career by putting her in nearly all her music videos so she felt obligated to go along with it.

So yeah, fuck Sia and fuck Autism Speaks.

#asks #sia #ableism #autism speaks #actually autistic #aba therapy

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thefiresofpompeii · 5 months

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(first time watcher here teehee) losing my mind over this exchange. the common consensus is apparently that this episode is below-mid grade filler, but i beg to differ, not even only because it would have been a lifeline to little withdrawn artistic autistic girl me had i watched it at chloe's age. just– look at the subtext. they're talking about themselves, each other, their own mutual codependency. sure, rose wasn't lonely before meeting him per se, but she had been living day-to-day unfulfilled and underappreciated. and four billion? that's close to the population of a decent sized planet. i don't know how many gallifreyans there were and i'm not delving into the wiki for this because it's about words, not numbers. words very particularly chosen. two lonely kids who needed each other, desperate to be loved. 'it' (the relationship, the symbiosis, the empathic link, the isolus as doctor and chloe as rose) will just keep pulling 'kids' in: people, lives. mostly strangers for now, apart from mickey, but it's as if the writers this whole series have been beating over the audience's head with the message... this is the story of a love doom(sday)ed by the narrative. the doctor gets more arrogant, rose gets more infatuated; the little inside jokes and side glances and sarcastic private detective duo dynamic they've got going on, so easygoing and carefree and invincible – it's all set to crash and burn.

#don't mind me p.s. i don't know anything. im making it up as i go along because this show has consumed my mind #doctor who #tenrose #fear her #doctor who series 2 #rose tyler #tenth doctor #david tennant #dw #doomed by the narrative #media analysis #jamie.txt

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salty-croissants · 6 months

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I’m literally in love with your stuff. Can you maybe to Bullfrog and Rayman with an autistic reader?

Thank you for the request !

I’m so happy you’ve been enjoying my writings , it really means a lot ❤️

I gotta say I was a bit worried about not doing this one right … I did put a few things that I personally find relatable as someone who is autistic myself , thought it would be nice to include is all , I hope this works !

Details : use of gender neutral reader ;

established relationships ;

no warnings needed

Bullfrog 💚

So , this frog man ? He loves you unconditionally , and he just really wants you to know that he will always accept you and your unique traits , even when you feel insecure about them …

< I … I don’t know , Bullfrog … sometimes I just feel like all I’m doing is being a burden to y - >

< Non . Don’t even finish that .

You’re the most wonderful person I have ever met , y/n , and there isn’t a single day in which I’m not thankful for having you in my life . >

< Really … ? >

< Oui , mon amour . I long for nothing more than being with you . >

< *sniff* >

< Oh - Are you alright ? I’m so sorry , I didn’t mean to make you cry - >

< Heh … it’s okay … I’m just really happy .

I love you so much ~ >

Bullfrog loves listening to you enthusiastically going on and on about something you’re passionate about , especially when he’s not having a good day :

just hearing the sound of your voice is so , so very comforting to him … if he could he would sit beside you for days , his attention reserved for you and you alone .

< … and what’s even more awesome is that there is actually a really subtle easter egg hidden in the background which changes the entire narrative for that charact -

… wait , how long have I been … ? >

< That is very interesting my dear !

Please keep going , j'adore le son de ta voix ~ >

< Aww - >

Your adorable expressions when he showers you with compliments …

Bullfrog can’t even begin to describe how happy they make him ://)

If being around people gets too overwhelming , Bullfrog is quick to pick up on that and he’ll immediately get you someplace more quiet , willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you’re comfortable and safe …

< Is this really okay ? I’m so sorry , it’s just … it was so crowded and loud in there , and I … >

< Mon cher , there is no reason for you to be sorry … let’s just stay here for now , then if you wish to try and go back in we can do that , or we can always go back home : I assure you , you’ve already done more than enough tonight … I am very proud of you , and you should be too . >

And if one day something starts making you very , very anxious ?

Well , no matter what the reason is and no matter how small it might be Bullfrog is going to stay close to you to help you out in whatever way he can .

< I’m so sorry for making you put up with me like this … you already have so much to take care of , and this … is just dumb . >

< y/n , ce n'est pas te supporter , you know that .

I want to be there for you , the same way you’re always there for me …

I promise you , we can find a way out of this , you don’t have to deal with it on your own . >

< Thank you so much , Bullfrog … you’re amazing ~ >

< Ce serait toi , my dear … I’m truly blessed to have you by my side ~ >

Rayman 🧡

Saying that you mean a lot to this man would be an understatement …

You mean absolutely everything to him , so you better believe that Rayman will always be careful about all the things that could potentially make you uncomfortable , remembering them all very accurately .

< Here sweetie , hold my hand for a moment … >

< Oh - okay , but why ? >

< We’re gonna need to pass through that crowd over there , it should be quick but I don’t want you to get overwhelmed by having many people and loud noises all around , so let’s just stay close until we get through … >

< Thanks Ray … just … don’t let go , please . >

< I would never . >

All the effort Rayman puts into making you feel as comfortable as possible no matter where the two of you are … it never fails to warm your heart .

If anyone even remotely says something mean spirited about you …

Ohh boy , he’s not going to let it slide .

< Uh , excuse me ? WHAT was that about my partner ? >

< Ray , honey , it’s okay … >

Yeah , Rayman is definitely very protective of you , and he will defend you with no hesitation if anyone dares to try and make you feel inadequate in any way .

Rayman loves listening to you talk about whatever topics come to your mind while he’s working …

It actually helps him focus quite a lot , and he really never gets bored of seeing how happy you look when info dumping about something you’re passionate about .

You’re just so pretty ! He can’t get over it …

If you tend to lose focus to the point of forgetting to take care of yourself , Rayman has got you covered : he makes sure to remind you to eat and drink water often , even leaving little notes in places where he knows you’ll find them …

“Important : remember to eat today ! <3”

“If you’re reading this … get a glass of water !”

His devotion to you is nothing less than adorable … but then again , you’re the person he cares about most , the one that showed him kindness without asking for anything in return , so now ?

Rayman deems it only fair to repay that kindness in his own way .

#captain laserhawk #x reader #rayman x reader #captain lazerhawk rayman #rayman #gender neutral reader #bullfrog x reader #bullfrog captain laserhawk #captain laserhawk bullfrog #captain lazerhawk bullfrog

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cosmerelists · 2 months

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Ranking Google's Suggested Questions about Various Cosmere Characters

Do you know that if you google a Cosmere character, Google suggests a list of questions? But...are they GOOD questions? Read on to find out!

[HERE THERE BE SPOILERS]

1. Kelsier

Suggested Questions:

Why does Kelsier have a spike?

Did Kelsier turn evil?

Is Kelsier a good guy?

How strong is Kelsier?

Rating: 8/10

These are good questions, but a little bit repetitive. Clearly, we are all concerned about whether Kelsier has gone full evil and if so, whether anyone will survive his Hemalurgic strength.

2. Kaladin

Suggested Questions:

What does the name Kaladin mean?

What is special about Kaladin?

Why was Kaladin sold into slavery?

Why don't Kaladin's scars heal?

Rating: 2/10

Terrible questions. They can all be answered by reading the books! (Except possibly the name one.) And who spends even a MOMENT with Kaladin and then questions why he's SPECIAL? HE IS OUR SPECIALIST BOY

3. Steris

Suggested Questions:

Is Steris autistic?

Do wax and Steris fall in love?

Is Steris a Mistborn?

Do Wax and Marasi end up together?

Rating: 5/10

Too much emphasis on relationships--the last question is only about Steris by inference. It's fair to focus on Steris as a cool autistic character, and I like the off-the-wall question about her being a Mistborn. But this is solidly meh.

4. Tress

Suggested Questions:

What does Adolins name mean?

Does anyone find out Adolin killed Sadeas?

What does Adolin look like?

What is the age difference between Shallan and Adolin?

Rating: 7/10

A little disappointing, tbh. I don't know why there is so much focus on what Stormlight men's names mean. And I just feel like there are so many more interesting things to ask about Adolin than whether his age gap is problematic and how hot he is. *shrugs*

7. Yumi

Suggested Questions:

How invested is Yumi Cosmere?

Are Yumi and painter from the same planet?

Is Yumi a cognitive shadow?

Is Yumi and the nightmare painter standalone?

Rating: 9/10

Honestly, these are pretty good questions. The last one is for people wondering if they can just read this book, but all the rest are just people trying to understand the lore. I can respect that.

8. Szeth

Suggested Questions:

Why is Szeth so strong?

Who has Szeth killed?

Why was Szeth truthless?

What color are Szeth's eyes?

Rating: 9/10 Aside from the last one these are all just questions Szeth asks himself daily.

9. Moash

Suggested Questions:

What does Moash do?

Is Moash a villain?

What is Moash's new name?

What did Renarin do to Maosh?

Rating: 8/10

Such a mix of trying to remember plot details (What is Moash's new name? What did Renarin do to Moash?) and deep philosophical questions. What does Moash do? Is he a villain? Deep questions on the google.

10. Hoid

Suggested questions:

What is a Hoid?

Is Hoid a Mistborn?

What was Hoid doing in Elantris?

What did odium do to Hoid?

Rating: 10/10

This has to get a full 10/10 just for the "what is a hoid" question. Let's be real; it's what we're all asking...

#cosmere #cosmerelists #Kelsier #Kaladin #Shallan #Adolin #Yumi #Tress #Hoid #Szeth #Moash #Steris

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catadromously · 25 days

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please tell me more about the alterhuman thing in your recent post (whether your experience or things in general) if you are comfortable! i would love to know more. i know very little about it other than some brief descriptions from impersonal online sources, but the way your blog mentions tiny things here and there like blurring human/animal divisions, or conscious/nonliving or even tangible/conceptual things makes me feel seen, so i imagine the alterhuman topic would not be so foreign a concept to me or other tumblr users in this sort of niche :)

no indeed! alterhumanity is a term encompassing nonhuman identities of all sorts; most well-known are probably the -kin people with specific creature identities, but the umbrella is wide. my experience is not otherkin and I have no specific nonhuman being to point to. I'm simply nonhuman in general. I just am. I'm an Entity, Creature, Visitor, Other, and have been my whole life.

alterhumanity can also involve partial (or, uh, altered) human identity, and thus, like a fair few other alterhumans out there, I see myself as partially - or at least functionally - human as well! I understand myself alongside "disguised as human" or "chosen human" or "caught between worlds" narratives; as long as I can remember I've felt this ... almost painful seen-ness and protectiveness over those sorts of characters when I encounter them in fiction. I think the best label description of my alterhumanity is generally nonhuman and Chimera or Chosen Human archetrope. archetropy my beloved...

now I do know exactly why I'm like this, and yes, it is the autism. big shocker. I'm sure I'll see some fellow autistics nodding along when I say that for many and multifarious reasons my experience of the world, through most of life, was not conducive to the formation of a human self-identity. simple as that. that's psychological alterhumanity for you, babey! sometimes it's felt practical, sometimes deeply painful and othering, but now, after a whole damn lot of Stuff and Happenings, I find it freeing. I've made the choice to embrace and embody my alterhumanity and my position as a Visitor and Chimera to the human sphere. I like it here. I'm here to stay, in my Other self, in my beloved improbable human life. I am cringe, yes, and I am free.

sometimes I run across people complaining about alterhumans (and especially -kin) as some kind of deeply embroiled online-exclusive microphenomenon, and I have to laugh a little. you know, all of these people probably already know someone like me, just out here chugging along in our normal-ass lives, being creatures. we're elders and children, we have families and friends and careers, we can be super obvious about our identities, or nonchalant, or secretive. we're everywhere!

if you've got an alterhuman in your life, say hi to them for me today, ok? tell them an internet stranger wants them to know they're never alone in this.

#call and response

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drdemonprince · 16 days

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Autistic friend anon here — thank you so much for your answer and the substack post. I was kind of stuck in the “rejection” feeling of “wait but if being autistic isn’t a bad thing then why are you so upset at the idea that YOU might be autistic”. I took it really personally and wasn’t really thinking about how much it sucks when someone acts like they know you better than you do. I’ll have to keep working through that.

I also often get stuck in the idea that “well if someone had just TOLD ME I was queer/trans/autistic then I could have figured it out sooner and life would be better” or whatever. But after many years of being out as queer/trans, I think that isn’t actually true and even if it is, I don’t interact with other possibly queer/trans people by “diagnosing” them with queerness/transness any more. In my head it seemed like autism was different for some reason, but of course it is not.

Anyway, your answer was really thoughtful and diplomatic, while also being very clear about what is bad behavior on my part. It is genuinely going to be a big benefit in my life.

Hey, nice to hear from you again!

I totally feel you. When I told a friend years ago that I thought she might be a BPDer, I was incensed that she ended up not taking that comment well. I meant it in an affirming, pro-Mad-Pride kinda way! I was a BPDer too! if she thought it was bad to be BPD, what did that mean she thought about me?

But I was looking at it the wrong way. I had just hurled a still very stigmatized label in her direction as a response to her complaining about real relational struggles in her life, which felt diminishing and presumptive. Telling various people in my life that I'm pretty sure they're Autistic can have a similar effect, even if they're on board Autism acceptance as an idea.

I used to fixate on the time I lost not realizing I was trans or queer or whatever the fuck I am yet. I had a vision of an older me materializing before me at age 16, specifically on the corn-lined roads I used to bike up and down furiously, and imagined telling myself the Truth of who I was and what I had to do to be happy. I believed that if i had known I was trans younger I would have avoided a lot of upsetting relationships, eating disordered periods, and general angst.

Now. I am pretty damn sure that is not true. It turns out that being trans was not a solution to all my problems, it was just another problem that I had. In the sense that it's a challenge to navigate on this bitch of an earth. if i hadn't chosen to be trans i would have chosen some other shit to do that also would have been a major pain in the ass i'm sure. that too would have been an interesting back story.

I dont think I was ever going to be outgoing and unneurotic and breezily well adjusted. That's not my lot in life. Feeling a little uncomfortable in my body and around other people is as definitional a part of me as my wit or my weird laugh. I can kinda love that about myself now, or at least accept it. nothing and nobody actually could have saved me. its just not that simple. but it's been a pretty interesting life.

i think we tend to impose our self-narratives onto other people when we are not happy or we are harboring deep regrets about having gotten something wrong or missed something in the past. but we cant spare our friends those journeys. they should get to have them. it's interesting and enriching to get things wrong, be in denial, cope in elaborate stupid ways, soul search, change our minds, miss something, find something, never know what's true.

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illdowhatiwantthanks · 2 months

Text

You're Safe Now

Casey Novak x autistic fem!reader Warnings: Hurt/comfort, discussions of past child sexual abuse and child pornography, PTSD, flashbacks, panic attacks, brief and mild self-harm Word Count: 1,799 NOTE: Child sexual abuse/assault is a deeply triggering subject for many people. If you're one of them, please proceed with caution. As a victim myself, I know that, oftentimes, I find great comfort in reading stories that include narratives like mine, especially when they make me feel seen and heard and cared for. At other times, they are terrible for my mental health. Please just be mindful of your mental state as you read, especially if you are a victim. And if you need help, please reach out to the National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673).

Casey looked over Stabler's shoulder as he scrolled through grainy photo after photo. Stills from hundreds of pornographic VHS tapes, all of abused children. "Any of them prosecutable?" Stabler shook his head. "Nah, not on abuse charges. These are all 25 years old. The Feds just want us to look and see if we can make any connections."

"All the same ring?" "Yep. A Baptist church, if you can believe it. Somewhere in Tennessee. Apparently the ringleader moved to the city about 10 years ago. They just nailed him last month." Casey looked disgusted. "I absolutely can believe it was a church. They're like breeding grounds for pedophiles. No offense." Stabler gritted his teeth. "Sunday school teachers. What an introduction to God." They watched the nameless faces scroll past in silence. So many kids, so much hurt. A child flashed past the screen–a little girl with glasses–and Casey blinked. "Stop," she said. Stabler stilled his scrolling and glanced back at the ADA, curious. "Go back." He dutifully scrolled back up the page until Casey stopped him again. She stared at the pixelated photo, sick to her stomach. A little white shirt, a Ramona Quimby-style bob, multicolored glasses. And the cutest nose–your nose. It wasn't you. Surely, it couldn't be you. You would have told her. But the child in the picture looked so much like you. And you had grown up in Tennessee. Going to a Baptist church. Casey cleared her throat, trying to disguise the shakiness in her voice. "Can you print that photo for me?" Stabler looked long and hard at Casey. "Yeah, why?" "Just print it. Please." Stabler handed Casey the printed photo, and she snatched it, folding it tightly and placing it in her pocket. "Thanks," she said, walking swiftly away with her fists clenched. Stabler watched her go, concerned. He made a mental note to mention it to Olivia. _____________________________________________________________ When Casey came through the door that night, you were curled up on the couch watching Parks & Recreation. "Bye, Bye, Little Sebastian" played in the background and you sang along absentmindedly, typing on your laptop. "Hey, love," you called. "I didn't feel like cooking. Want to order a pizza?" Casey set down her briefcase and walked slowly to you, heart pounding in her chest. She sat across from you and paused the show. You looked at her and frowned. She looked terrified. You had never seen her look so scared. You threw your laptop aside and took her hand. "Hey, what's wrong?" you asked. "You look like someone died." Your eyes grew wide. "Did someone die?" Casey took a shaky breath. "Sweetheart, I need to ask you something." Now, you were scared, too. What could Casey possibly need to ask you that made her this anxious? "Okay," you replied, your voice quiet. She took one of your hands in hers and traced circles on it. After an excruciating few minutes, she asked, "Did anything happen to you when you were a kid?" Your stomach dropped and you felt ice flood your veins. There was no way she could know. Nobody knew. "W-what do you mean?" "Were you..." Casey started, clearing her throat. "Were you... abused at all?" You felt panic rising in your chest, your throat constricting as it became harder and harder to take a breath. "Why are you asking me that?" you cried, your voice growing frantic. "Casey, why are you asking me that!?"

Tears threatened the corners of your eyes, and your body started rocking back and forth. You felt like you were suffocating. Casey held onto your hand even tighter, her own eyes glistening, as she pulled the folded paper from her pocket and handed it to you. Your hands shook as you opened it, and when you saw yourself on that page, everything inside you shattered all at once. "No, no, no, no, no!" you cried, grabbing your head in your hands and rocking more and more aggressively. All of a sudden you couldn't breathe. Just like you couldn't breathe in that Sunday school room. Just like you couldn't breathe with in front of that camera with the red blinking light. And the hands. So many hands touching you, all over you. You coughed and retched, wrapping your arms around yourself. Your pupils darted back and forth, overtaking the rest of your eyes. And somehow you were back there, back in that room. The black carpet with the rainbow flecks. The smell of stale hymnals and men's sweat. The taste of the wintergreen mints they shoved in your mouth when they sent you back to your unwitting parents, masking the scent of vomit. You clenched your fists over your ears and slammed them into your head, grabbing your hair and pulling so hard a tuft came out.

Casey jumped up and grabbed your hands, trying to keep them away from your head. "Honey, don't do that," she pleaded, her voice breaking. "Please don't do that. I'm right here." She tried to wrap her arms around you, but you shoved her away. "Don't touch me!" You heard yourself screaming, as if from far away, as if you were sitting in the rafters of the Sunday school room, but no one could hear you. "No! Please, it hurts!" Tears streamed down your flaming face as you rocked back and forth, hyperventilating, tucked into the corner of the couch. You were as far away from Casey as you could get. Casey had dealt with a lot of victims. She'd been emotionally invested in a lot of victims. She cared deeply for and fought for so many victims. But you. You were hers. She felt like her heart was being physically ripped apart as she looked at your tiny, terrified form. In that moment, you were a mirror image of the scared little girl in the VHS still. Casey wiped her own tears away, trying to stay strong because you needed someone strong right now. God, she wanted to hold you. She wanted to scoop you up and protect you and tell you that it was okay, that she loved you, that she would never let anyone touch you again. But you wouldn't even let her close. "I'll be right back, sweetheart," Casey said, biting her lip as she looked at you, then jogging to the kitchen. It seemed like you couldn't even hear her. She thought you were having a flashback, but she didn't know how to help you out of it. She dialed Olivia's number and prayed to whatever powers there were in the universe that Olivia would pick up. "Benson."

"Oh, thank god," Casey exhaled.

"Casey? What's going on?"

"Do you know how to get someone out of a flashback?"

Olivia's voice deepened in concern. "Is this about that photo you got from Elliot?"

Casey paced back and forth, rubbing her forehead. "Yes. I don't have time to talk about it now. Do you know how to help with a flashback? Please."

"Uh..." Olivia started, clearly trying to provide information and make sure that Casey was okay. "Usually they need to be reminded of what's real and what's not."

"How?" Casey asked, trying to hide the desperation in her voice.

"Try engaging their senses. Something to shock them out of it. Ice, maybe. Or something with a strong smell."

"Okay, I got it," Casey said, sprinting to the bathroom.

"Casey, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'll talk to you about it later, Olivia," Casey barked, more terse than she meant to be. "Gotta go."

Casey rummaged in the vanity, looking for a specific bottle of perfume. She gripped it tightly in her hand and ran back to the kitchen, grabbing a bag of frozen green beans out of the freezer.

Casey took a deep breath before returning to your corner of the couch, where you sat curled and shaking and sobbing. She reached out to hold your hand, then stopped herself, instead grabbing the bottle of perfume and spraying it around you.

"Hey," she said, tentatively. "Honey, I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm here."

Your body shook uncontrollably, your eyes clamped shut.

"I'm gonna put this ice on you," Casey said. She wasn't sure you could hear her, but she wanted even your subconscious to know that she was there and doing everything she could to help you. She dropped the bag of green beans in your lap and you gasped, your head shooting up. You looked around frantically, and Casey grabbed at the chance to pull you out of the flashback. "Hey," she called. "Y/N, can you hear me?" You seemed to look both at her and past her at the same time. "Do you feel the cold? Honey, that's real. Can you smell my perfume? It's the one you like so much, the one that smells like pine trees. It's real."

You were confused, disoriented, but your frantic breathing was slowing down, and Casey took that as a sign it was working. "I'm right here, sweetheart, okay?" Her voice broke. She was dying to hold you, but she still wasn't sure you'd let her, and she didn't want to make it worse. "I'm right here with you. I love you, and I'm real. We're in our apartment, and that's real. Those men who hurt you, they're not real anymore." You kneaded the bag of green beans in your hands, still rocking, but less aggressively. Your vision was coming back into focus, the overlap of past and present becoming less confusing and overwhelming. You were finally able to look at Casey and see her. You looked into her eyes and a rush of shame poured over you. She looked terrified. Her face was streaked with tears. You didn't know if she was scared of you or scared for you, but either way you felt sick to have scared her.

Your face screwed up in tears and you looked away, burying your head in your hands. "I'm sorry, Casey," you cried. "I'm so sorry."

She surged toward you, her hands stopping inches short of your skin. "It's okay, Y/N, it's okay. I'm right here. Can I touch you?"

You nodded, but you still couldn't bring yourself to look at her.

Casey scooped you into her lap like a child, wrapping her arms protectively around you and cradling your head next to hers.

"I'm sorry, Casey," you said again and again, anxiety and panic and exhaustion giving way to pure shame as you grasped her shirt and wept. "I'm sorry."

Casey had tried. She had tried to hold it together for you, but seeing you so broken, hearing you apologize to her for this horrific thing that had happened to you–it broke her, too. Her tears came all at once. "You don't need to be sorry, honey," she told you, pressing her forehead to yours, your tears mingling. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it happened. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

You let out a shaky laugh, wiping snot from your nose. "You're like three years older than me."

She kissed the side of your head over and over, smoothing your wrecked hair and holding you as tight as she could. "You're safe now, Y/N," she said, for both of you, like a mantra. "I will always keep you safe. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again."

You buried your head under Casey's, making yourself small.

She rubbed your back, breathing slowly and rhythmically. You didn't notice, but yours followed.

Neither of you knew how long you sat like that, but after a while Casey asked, "Am I holding you too tight?"

You shook your head, snaking your arms around her waist. "No. Please don't let go."

"Never," she whispered, her breath hot on your cheek.

#casey novak #casey novak x autistic reader #casey novak one shot #casey novak drabble #hurt/comfort #law and order svu #svu #autistic #neurodivergent #casey novak fanfic #x autistic reader

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berlingotesque · 3 months

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What are your ships for Batim? :D

VERY GOOD QUESTION- I know my answer should be rather straightforward but I feel I have to put some context to my answers since they may seem contradictory/paradoxical otherwise, so bear with me-

Sammy x Norman : Well. I think that one was pretty obvious, anyone who's seen more than 3 of my posts knows that I'd die for these two. They're just so PERFECT for each other, from their complementary personalities to the fact that their relationship allows us to delve deeper into batim's historical and social context. Sammy and Norman have one of the few relationships that develop the most during the game's lore : Norman originally complains vehemently about Sammy's frenetic behavior, only to end up lamenting to Buddy and Dot how 'Sammy isn't the same anymore'. What's interesting about this statement is that he says it in relation to Sammy's strange behavior : clearly, the two men have grown close enough for Norman to differentiate Sammy's extravagant habits from his ink-influenced behavior.

Furthermore, Sammy is a very gray character morally, a perfectionist who is extremely socially maladjusted (surely due to the fact that he's coded on the spectrum and autism wasn't properly diagnosed at the time), naturally ostracizing him. For his part, Norman comes from a rural background (which surely earns him the animosity of the people at the studio, given the historical context and the fact that he could very well be poc) and also seems ill at ease socially : to me, it's fascinating to see two characters excluded from their peers because of differences they can't change (being autistic or poc and gay) getting closer to each other, to the point where Sammy, who is deeply misanthropic, naturally compliments Norman by describing him as very bright. To me, Norman is the perfect partner for Sammy : ready to apprehend him as he is, since he's completely free of social conventions, without taking any shits from him.

I think Sammy and Norman can really get the best out of each other, during a historical period when being different was strongly proscribed. I think I'd have trouble enjoying Batim as much without their dynamic at its heart (considering how narratively rich it is) : Norman is Henry's confidant, Sammy is Joey's, both remain morally gray deuteragonists fundamentally opposed to the ink machine, while remaining fascinated by its powers. And who wouldn't love a good old enemies to lovers ending tragically with the unwitting murder of one by the other ? After all, Norman's main flaw is that he's too curious for his own good, and it was Sammy who inevitably led him to his doom..

Allison x Tom : what more can I add. She's everything. He's just Tom. I've always been drawn to characters/ships with a vibe completely opposite to the vibe of the work they originally came from, and the 'turning poison into positivity' energy that Tom and Allison bring to Batim has always fascinated me. In a world as tragic as their own, I find it touching to see these two find beauty in all the ugliness and manage to ask themselves 'what if we were happy after all ?' It's really striking and brings a narrative richness to the work, since they directly mirror what failed with Sammy and Susie : Allison is perfect, but that was never what was at stake in Tom's eyes. Tom was looking for humanity, not perfection, and he managed to go beyond the image of the muse to discover a friend, unlike Sammy with Susie. They're literally Romeo and Juliet but, well... Not dead.

Joey x Henry/Henry x Linda : oh boy. These three... Let me get it straight right away : Henry and Linda are perfect for each other. She's exactly what he needs to be happy : she's present, patient. There's no denying that he loves her immensely. But Joey... oh Joey is undoubtedly Henry's soul mate. The subtlety is that Joey can't bring him the stable happiness Linda can : Joey tugs at him, pushes him over the edge. He knows exactly what to do to push him beyond his own limits. The love Joey offers Henry is an uncomfortable but unconditional one, one that would allow Henry to go beyond what he thinks he's capable of achieving because no one knows Henry better than Joey ! And let's be honest, Batim only exists because Joey refuses to move on, to live his dream without Henry in it. He's stuck in unrequited love and refuses to learn to live with it. And that's the tragedy of this trio : Henry sincerely loves Linda but is truly himself with Joey, which prevents him from hating OR loving him (And Joey exploits this information by remaining extremely toxic and convincing himself that he can wear him down lmao). Henry is stuck with this dilemma : Existing peacefully with Linda or living painfully with Joey. And that's why I love the dynamic of this love triangle : because there are no solutions that will satisfy everyone.

Joey x Sammy : okay, don’t get me wrong : these two are HORRIBLE for each other. Does Sammy periodically want to quit just to piss Joey off? Yes. Isn't Joey's fascination with Sammy intimately tied to his refusal to forget Henry, who was a genius like Sammy? Yes. Nevertheless, it's impossible for me to read The Illusion of Living without feeling embarrassed and like I'm reading Joey's diary : whether you ship them or not, Joey is practically canonically smitten with Sammy. I sincerely don't think Joey and Sammy can sustain a healthy relationship with each other, but oh boy, surely that won't stop me from exploiting their bizarre obsessive love-hate relationship, where it's hard to determine whether they're going to throw hands or make out.

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