rue is, i think, in love with the idea of love.

they set a wager. the lords of the wing will find true love in this romantic, ephemeral bloom, if they only seek it. they can win it, as though it’s a game.

they long to abolish the courts. their own court has never held any love for them - why would any other court be different? a court stifles, a court smothers, a court suffocates love. the courts must be abolished, so that love can bloom. true love, love that is unfettered by politics, or station, or duty.

they are the architect of the bloom. the hunt, the heart. the dance. the potions. they will pour love into a cup and the guests will drink their fill. fae from across the realms will fall in beautiful, perfect love at rue’s hand. 

they have become the arbiter of love. when an engagement between a cruel prince and a wild goblin is set, what else can they do but judge it unfit? it was not love, it was not true. 

they share a moment in a forest with a venerated captain. he is tall, as they are. he is clawed, as they are. he is a beast, as they are, and so beautiful for it. they fall fast, and hard, and heavy. and perhaps it is only the nature of queerness, of a life lived behind a mask, yearning for the faintest spark, that causes them to love so fast. 

or perhaps they did not truly fall in love with hob at all. for they did not see him. 

they fell in love with a reflection of themself.

except, of course, that hob is not a reflection of rue. hob is his own person, and like any real person, he cannot live up to an idea. and while rue is on a wonderful journey of revelation and self acceptance, it is baffling to them that someone else’s love does not always mirror their own.

rue, in an act of bravery and vulnerability and hope, removed their mask. and they long so very much to remove hob’s - but he has never worn a mask. he has always been exactly as he is - a soldier, devoted and dutiful. an outsider, used and abused by his court. rue’s true form was hidden by their court, while hob’s otherness has always been mercilessly exposed.

rue loves hob for the idea of who he could be, if he could simply unmask as they did. but hob needs, just as rue does, to be loved for who he is.

What happens when you argue with a narcissist?

An argument with a narcissist can go two ways, depending on whether you know how to deal with one, or not.

The moment a confrontation with a narcissist arises, he/she is immediately engaged in a defensive mode of deflection, projection, lies, misdirection, elusiveness and a lot of manipulation. Go far enough and it’ll become psychopathic, sadistic and extremely violent.

You will never receive a straight answer from a narcissist if it means he/she has to admit wrong doing. As soon as you accuse the narcissist of something, they’ll circumvent the accusation and think up something totally irrelevant in order to change it or turn it back onto you. They will do this habitually throughout the entire argument, filibustering to confuse and make you lose focus on what you’re arguing about. Any opportunity they have to send you off on a side track to avoid the original problem will be taken, and it’s intended to confuse, raise your back up, make you question yourself, disorientate you, force you to become defensive and make you forget the original argument. In most cases you’ll end up bickering about something completely different and because the narcissist is ruthless in this defensive attack, he/she will make it personal. They’ll intentionally lie for the purpose of making you agitated and furious, and the moment they hear you raise your voice in a defensive anger, they find their excuse to escape from the argument or the opportunity to belittle you or simply say ‘You’re shouting, why are you shouting?’. This activates their control of the whole situation now because you’ve lost control of yourself!

By turning it around to antagonise you, they have successfully made you the problem. They’ve made you the angry one, the one raising your voice and becoming animated. They can now make you out to be the trouble maker and anything else they wish to say about your reactions, whilst your original angst towards them for doing something bad, goes forgotten. You walk away feeling deflated, like you’re at fault, utterly frustrated, angry and on edge.

During an argument, a narcissist will take it absolutely anywhere in order to protect his/her vulnerabilities and denigrate the one who is trying to penetrate them and force him/her to admit wrong doing. If the subject of the argument is about the narcissists selfishness, lies and manipulative ways, his/her defenses are going to be on high alert. You’re going into forbidden territory and they will become vicious, nasty, cruel and wicked with what they fire back at you for the intention of hurting your feelings, frustrating you and cluster-bombing you with personal insults so you have no other option but to walk away. Anyone bringing a narcissists secret traits for manipulation to the surface will be met with this maniacal onslaught, and the more psychopathic the narcissist is, the easier it will be to escalate the the verbal violence into physical violence. Anything will be said, to stop the attack on their vulnerabilities and equally, to stop themselves having to atone for their foul traits and abusive behaviours. The whole point to this raging return fire is to impose fear of a repeat attack, even if you are well within your rights to hold them to reproach for doing something wrong. A narcissist cannot admit wrong-doing at any cost, because that undermines their over-compensated view of self. To admit being wrong, is to admit they are wrong, their thinking is wrong, their opinions are wrong. To admit to doing wrong and being wrong about anything, sends them into an anxious frenzy of self-doubt which activates their feelings of insecurity. It heightens their vulnerable state and whoever brings that threat now has control over how they represent themselves as the false persona. To lose control in that way, forces them to feel imperfect, flawed and weak. To even deliberate this show of vulnerability is intolerable, because they do not have the ability to control how quickly their insecurities plummet. The fear of falling into those depths of fear is enough to make them fight it with the only learned method they have - Violence. To look upon oneself as being wrong, causes their feelings of superiority to dismantle and now, they feel inferior.

This cannot and will not happen. With a pathological defense method, the narcissist will never allow himself/herself to collapse into that whirlpool of insecurity and vulnerability. It has become a learned method from childhood to keep the vulnerability in the shadows and over-compensate by turning their inferiority complex into superiority and that is their armour. To protect what’s inside.

If a narcissist incites an argument with you, it’s purely to offload some sort of vexation, anger or to regain a loss of control. In worst cases it’s to purposely bring about suffering to weaken, invalidate and disorientate for their own self-esteem or to mete out revenge. A narcissist always dealt with their problems through confrontations and fights, and they will stoke one up in any way they can. The favourite method is to antagonise and bait you into an angry reaction. Approach you with an accusation, create a situation where you react, you become the antagonist and the narcissist has the open window to unleash. It can be as simple as insulting something you are doing or have done, - or haven’t done. Gaslighting. Sabotaging. Even asking them to do a simple chore. If they can force you into an angry reaction, they’ll thrive at the opportunity. If you lose your temper in any situation, the raised voice and angry tone will be a magnet for the narcissist who will manipulate your already heightened state of vexation and will gladly make you worse until you snap, and now they have their access to an argument.

The only way to pursue an argument with a narcissist that has originated from your questioning of them, is to become thick skinned, never deviating from the original subject. Brush off any attempts at projecting anything back onto you and never ever take anything they say personally. Repeat the question/questions and block/brush off any attempts at trying to hurt your feelings or hit low. Remain absolutely calm, remain steadfast and keep forcing them back to the original questioning. Eventually when they realise that none of their methods to incite a reaction are working, they’ll go into vile territory with the flick of a switch. It’s practically instantaneous. They’ll show you what lies deep within and spew a torrent of vicious, nasty and hateful things to hurt your feelings. This is where you’ll bear witness to the real person beneath the facade. This reaction will be all you need to respond with ‘Thank you’ and walk away knowing that you just made a narcissist, not only drop the mask, but reveal their true inner self in all its psychopathic glory. Once you see that, your only thought process will be to leave the relationship with absolute certainty.

The only way to deal with a narcissist trying to force you into an argument, is to do one of three things: 1. Ignore. 2. Respond with ‘mmhmm’ and go about your business and 3. walk away. 

Cut and run. Walk away. I could have condensed all 600 pages down to one phrase: walk away. You see these things, you feel alright, you feel awkward, you feel something’s wrong. Walk away. It doesn’t pay to stay around until you label the person or you figure things out. Walk away.

Do not maintain contact. Do not accept gifts. Do not answer the phone.

Make it clear that you want no further contact. Every contact is interpreted by the narcissist as a vulnerability, as a chink in your armor. The narcissist will invade you. He is much more adept at manipulating you that you are at defending yourself. He manipulates for a living. His life is manipulation. You defend yourself yourself only when needed. So he has an advantage over you. He’s a pro, you are an amateur.

Recognise the vocal tones, the body language and when you know what’s coming, use your own defenses. A narcissist cannot get anywhere without a reaction. If he/she becomes so agitated that they can’t get their supply from you that they lay their hands on you, that’s the point of no return and you leave.

They key is to never show a narcissist you’re being harmed by them. Negative people who want to bring about discord to pacify their inner chaos do not know how to respond to kindness and calmness. For them, it is an impenetrable barrier. They only know one thing and that is to create discord and see you suffer as a result. If they do not have their reaction, in either situation, they become absolutely powerless and they’ll show you what lies beneath without being able to control it. The vexation and agitation will build up in them to such an intent, that it’ll be a catastrophic explosion of rage etc that will obliterate the mask, the facade and hidden agenda.

But an important thing that must be said. You must learn about Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder in totality. Not just self help nonsense, but accredited psychoanalysis from experts. It’ll be the most valuable knowledge you can possess when dealing with any narcissist, but equally, knowing whether the person has trait narcissism or a full personality disorder!

(via Quora)