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oh-for-fic-sake · 4 years

Text

No Boyfriend’s

Masterlist

Henry comes home to find out his three year old princess has a boyfriend, whats a dad to do?

Warnings: swearing, fluff

A/n: so I had so much fun wrighting this fluff piece! Thank you to @jessevans for requesting it.

No Boyfriend's

You walked up to the preschool to pick up your daughter from her afternoon session. You had to admit when Henry had first sugested moving out of the city You had been a little skeptical. He had been adamant that he wanted your child to have a childhood much like his. Out of the hustle and bustle moving out into 'the sticks' as many londoners would call it. You'd settled in a quaint picturesque little village near Canterbury in Kent the location was perfect for henry's work with the port of dover thirty minutes away and the center of london with all the airports around an hours drive in the opposite direction it was ideal. And best of all it was out of the way and had all the amenities within the village itself a post office, shop,pub, Doctors surgery and pharmacy the local primary school and pre school was literally a five minute walk from your house and the closest secondary schools were a ten minute bus ride into canterbury itself and when the time came you had six to choose from.

The reason for the move? Your now three year old Daughter the apple of her daddies eye. You remebered the day you'd told your boyfriend you were pregnant, you'd been terrified as much as he said he wanted a family you couldnt help that twinge of doubt. But he was exstatic within moments he had darted out of the room when he returned he was clumsily trying to dial his mothers number with shaking hands tears streaming down his face as he kept asking if you were sure even when his mother picked up, you could here her laughs of joy as he told her. He paced the room leaving you to sit on the bed giggling as he refused to sit down whilst on the phone with his family every time he walked past you he move his hand pressing on Your flat tummy asif trying to feel the child already that or he was trying to imagine you with a bump and that grin? You'd never seen him smile like that before it truly melted your heart seeing him so happy. He was always and attentive boyfriend but once you was pregnant he was..Incredible always by your side when he was at home tending to your every need and he somehow managed not to be over bearing.

It was when you went to the first scan that he had proposed some might say it wasn't the most romantic but for you it was perfect! Leaving with the first photos of your little jellybean and a fiance. Fuck yes! You thought that you couldnt get any happier but then came the gender scan. You knew he didnt mind what they were but you also knew deep deep down you both wanted a little girl to coddle over and buhe wanted a daddies girl someone who he could be their knight in shining armour. He could bearly keep still beside you holding your hand tight watching the screen trying to get a look at your little 'nugget' as he had called them he couldn't keep quiet either with every swipe of the ultrasound wand he was changing his mind.

"Girl? Is that? I can see? nope Boy definatly boy"

"Henry babe...dont get to excited that's the umbilical cord...I think?" They were being a little bugger crossing their legs making the sonographer work hard to move them around as you had to move again and again trying to get the little one to move. Finally they spoke.

"And you two are about to have... Little....Princess! You have a baby girl on the way congratulations" you both froze looking at the screen seeing your baby...your daughter. Immediately you both burst into tears.

"A-a girl your sure?" Henry asked in a quiet shaky voice the woman smiled nodding handing you both tissues then moved slower over the child showing you exactly what she saw then printed off some of the photos for you. Once home Henry began refering to her as 'little lady' on account of her 'protecting her modesty' by crossing her legs.

It wasnt long after youd began talking about moving seroiusly, the house was big enough sure but now you knew the baby was a girl it all seemed much more real. Sure you'd both spoke about buying a house together on and off as youd moved in to his place earlier in the relationship but this time it was more feasible the idea of raising your precious little girl in the middle of london didn't bode well for Henry he was also concerned about haveing photos of her taken he was an actor hell your relationship was posted all over social media by your third date! He didn't want that attention on his daughter so you both started seriously looking. It only took another nine weeks to find a place you both fell in love with the Georgian detached house it looked like a mini manor with its decorative columns and tall windows had a huge garden to for kal it was perfect.

At six months you had a small private wedding and it was then that he anounced your marriage and baby Cavill, potsing your favourite wedding photo of you in you and Henry facing each other laughing witb your foreheads together, you were wrapped around each other as close as ou could get considering the bumb that had seemingly grown overnight his hand resting on the cute bump you were laughing because she had just kicked him when he had told you he loved you. Almost like 'dont forget about me!', Kal had photo bombed to his head poking out between your an Henry's legs smiling , a part of your flowy dress caught up on the bears ear head tilted the only one looking at the camera and in the same post he added an ultrasound of your baby girl. You got congratulations from many of yours freinds and family. And Henry's freinds and costars each wondering the same thing 'how the fuck did Henry keep it quiet?'. You wondered that as well, the hole pregnancy was just memory after memory. Henry made sure you did everything you could to document your daughters creation, you did the photo of your bump once a week the last one being you in the hospital in the middle of slow labour holding the gown tight around you a mere half hour before she was born. He had made sure you did the belly casting which had been tidied up and trimmed painted pink and was in the cupboard, then the 4d scans expensive tho they were nothing and you mean nothing compared to seeing her little face for the first time, it was then you realised she looked nothing like you! She was all her father although a slightly more feminine and less sharp and it was also there you were told she had lots od hair...Curls you felt like you'd hit the jackpot. At the birth he had been incredibly supportive until he wasn't, well you disagreed he wanted to film it and not just your face he wanted to film it you said no but regretted it after as it would have been solid proof of what happened. You see one moment he was there then mid contraction....you heard quiet 'nope' a huge thump is what alerted you to his fall.... there was an alarm pressed and nurses came running in each giggleing, it was rare now days to have a fainter.

"Are you FUCKING KIDING ME?! HENRY?! OI! HERNY? CAVILL GET YOUR ASS UP!" You had to stop shouting and started breathing heavy as another contraction pulled at you once over you began barking orders to the nurses.

"KICK HIM...KICK HIM IN THE NUTS! DONT WORRY ABOUT STERILISING SUPERMAN HERE! NEVER AGAIN! HE WONT THEM TRUST ME... HENRY GET UP! ARE YOU LISTENING? STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH! I AM NOT DOING THIS AGAIN COS HE FUCKING MISSED IT! LOOKING WHEN I TOLD HIM NOT TO!" The nurses didn't know what to do it took three of them to place im in the chair each trying desperately not to laugh as you had a melt down screaming at him to 'wake the fuck up' You swore you even heard laugher from outside signaling that his family had heard. Yes your wonderfully supportive husband had fainted through stress? Excitment? Anxiety? Low blood sugar? Each time you asked him it had been different answer but and to quote him 'it was definitely not because I looked' which neither you or his brothers will ever believe or let him forget. Luckily he came to as you finally birthed his daughter. A stunning screaming little dark haired bundle. He sobbed when he held her for the first time leaning over her cradeling her so gently leaning over her kissing her as many time he possibly could he was the first one to hold her, hug her kiss her and change her. The photo of his first cuddle hung proudly in the hallway ,you will never forget that moment, the moment when Henry's whole world changed you could see then just how much he had wanted this. Your daughter was going to be the luckiest little girl in the world.

Paige had grown into a daddies girl, through and through which made today much better. Henry was coming home from filming man from u.n.c.l.e he had been away for months and you had kept his arrival home a secret. Henry was going to make it home in about twenty five minutes. You stopped just before the colourfull gates unable to go in with Kal, you could see the kids lining up in twos underneath the oak tree in the small garden. You smile moving to stroke Kals ears hushing him as he barked loudly vibrating with exciment his tail thumping on the floor as he sat like the good boy he was. At his bark you could hear the kids all squeal with excitment, they loved it when you brought the 'wolf' to the preschool. It was funny hearing Paige whine to them that 'his name is Kal and he's a bear'. He was quite the spoilt pup when he helped you pick up his sister getting hugs and kisses of all the Paige's class mates. Finally the small class was walked out of the garden one of the teachers holding the gate lettjng them leave to their parents. Paige waited in line pointing to you then was let out you ducked down hugging her kissing between her her curly little pigtails.

"Hey baby! Have a good day?" She nodded passing you her small bag and a small potted plant? You looked at her confused but said nothing. She turned and giggled hugging kal smoshing her face in his chest making him stand up she pulled back and squealed as he latherd her with kisses three hours away from her was apparently to long!

"Oh no Kal! Stop it silly bear!" You laughed watching her push weakly at kal who began to settle down now that his 'pup' was with him. You noticed the other parents hovering there kids all pulljng itching to come get Kal cuddles. You smiled to them nodding suddenly they came over all giving him pets and love which he lapped up. You also used it as a sort of lesson the do's and donts of petting dogs, which did some of the other parents a favour. Kal wagged his tail and droped to the floor he couldnt roll over fast enough directing the tiny hands to scratch his belly mouth open tongue lolling about as he panted one happy little bear. After you were sure all the kids got there cuddles you moved calling kal he huffed at you ignoring you instead wanting more love. You smirked down at him sighing as the children giggled. Finally after much coaxing from the other parents you and Paige managed to heave kal away with promises of chicken and snuggles at home. Soon you was on your way home kal padding beside you happy as can be.

Paige took he spot beside you holding his lead with you she was talking about her 'boyfriend' a little boy who she had taken a shine to. It was really sweet he had just moved to the area a little asian boy who paige had bonded with quickly. Really they were just best freinds but he was the first boy she had made freinds with hence she had opted to call him her boyfriend.

"So then Micah played let me play and-and he let me be a knight!" You smiled at her as she beamed excited.

"Really? A knight?" She stopped at the road with you looking both ways then crossed quickly.

"Yeah! Like in daddy's games!! And he gave me some of the bany tomatoes in his lunch...did you he grew them in his own garden!!" You gasped sown at her.

"Really? Oh my, sound like a little dream boat!" she scrunched up her nose lookjng up at you placing a tiny hand to he forehed sheildjngnher eyea from the afternoon sun

"Wha?" You chuckled shaking your head at her.

"Never mind jummy is just being silly" nodded to you her lightl blue eyes sparkling at you then Continued talking about her day mostly about Micah and the games they played.

When you reached home you watched as kal began barking and whining which could only mean one thing. Henry was home already, you unlocked the gate and released the dog with a quiet 'go get daddy' he tore off whining running to the door scratching and pouncing barking the whole time.

"Mummy whats wrong with kal?" You looked down at her knowingly"I'm not sure why don't you go see to him?" She nodded her head biting her lip then licking it, she looked so much like her father doing that. Then she was off running to the house just as Henry opened the door. She froze then screamed for him quickly falling to pieces with grabby hands wantjng her daddy. You watched all choked up as always she was bawling her eyes out by the time he had jumped the steps to the house scooping her up in his huge arms. He clutched her to his chest shushing and rocking her as she cried into him fisting her small hands in his shirt just calling him over and over. He moved his head kissing her trying to calm her, he hated and loved this. He hated her getting so upset when her returned but secretly loved that she missed him. The first few times he left he was worried she wouldnt remember him but juste as youd promised him she had.

The first time he came home you’d taken her to the airport to meet him...He had ended hup having to sit in the back with her as she refused to let him go getting hysterical each time he tried to pry her off of him. She had gotten better as she got older understanding that daddy had to work and now she was older she could speak to him on the phone and video chat. Each time after the initial crying and snuggles she would stay stuck to his side weather she was sitting on the sofa between his legs when he was playing games or in the makeshift gym with him useing his reps to practice her counting...even if in five mineuts he managed two hundred by her count they were always together. Hell sometimes he even read a new script as a bed time story, which not even you were privvy to!

You laughed walking up to him winding your arms around them both cuddling your daughter between you he leaned in kissing ou on the lips.

"God its good to be home" you smiled smoothing one of paiges high pigtails she whined calming down kicking her little legs wrapping an arm around his neck and moved suckling her thumb a little. He moved you all into the house patting her bottom lightly somthing he had done since she was born it always soothed her. You moved to the kitchen opening the back door letting air in it was to hot, you placed the small plant on the windosill by the sinck giving it a tiny bit of water as you noticed the siol had dried out. Henry stayed close behind you wanting to be around you, you moved to the slow cooker flicking it on to warm up the already cooked casserole. He came up behinde you movijng to have Paige on one hip still rocking her slightly even tho she had calmed down.

"Ohh look baby chicken casserole...Did you help mummy with that today before school? " She giggled peering over the pot.

"Yes daddy! I putted in the veggies! And tatoes! Daddy!" He smiled at her gasping.

"You did the veggies and the potatoes?! Such a clever girl making daddies favourite dinner" she giggled at the praise nodding.

"And-and I tasted it to!" he gasped at her as she got all excited

"And what do you think?" She grinned and 'whispered'

"Needed salt" you spun round and gasped at her offended.

"You little!" You chased her and Henry around the kitchen island wriggling your fingers as if to tickle her.

"AHH HAHAHa NOOO! DADDY RUN RUN!" you giggled as he scarperd out of the kitchen hovering by the door and moved all you saw was the tops of their heads peering into the kitchen. You rolled your eyes as they made a 'plan of attack' you turned back to the pit placeing the lid back on.

Suddeny Henry had you, arms pinning yours to the sides as Paige 'tickled' you making you laugh.

"Oh my god! Stop I give I give!" Finally Paige relented koala climbing Henry who quickly scooped her up to his hip.You moved in kissing her cheek then henry as he wrapped his free arm around you nuzzling in to your neck giving a quick nip before licking at your skin.You giggled trying to escape yet all he did was grab you around your waist and hoist you up.

"HAHA! I have you both now!" You laughed and Paige squealed as he spun around holding you both before making his way to the living room you wriggled free pretendingnto run from him making paige call out to you for help as he threw her up in the air holding her with 'slam dunking' paige to the sofa making her laugh and scream as he followed lifting her littl tshirt blowing rasberries on her tummy makeing her squeal and laugh louder. You smiled at the two, this is what you missed when he was away, the laughter of a full house. You sat down in Henry's armchair as he and Paige 'wrestled' soon attracting kals attention who like the loyal steed he was came to paiges aid pouncing henry making him groan and roll off her givingnher and kal the chance to escape to the garden, you both let them the garden was safe and having kal around was like a live in nanny he wont let anything happen to her.

Henry rolled over on the sofa lounging back panting crooking a finger at you. You crept over moving to sit in his lap, he tugged you down to him pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. He moved sitting up more cupping your ass smirking.

"Soo? Did you think about what I mentioned?" You grinned and pretended to think for a second making him groan leaning in leaving kisses on your neck and jaw.

"I did" you finally replied, you felt him hold his breath as his nose ghosted your ear.

"I stopped them that night~ all back to normal now" he pulled back staring at you

"Really? You mean it?" You nodded them brought you forward for a deep kiss. He had mentioned trying for another child when he came back, youd always intended to give Paige a sibling but not when she aas still a baby baby. Now that Paige was older and going to be in school next year you had felt ready to try again and had be over the moon whne henry had suggested it in a video chat instantly stopping your contraception so eveything would be back to normal and you could start trying asap asfterall you knly had him home for a few months then he was off to play superman again. He smiled lunging forward pinning you below him devouring your mouth you moaned as things got heated.

You felt them. Eyes. Blue eyes to be exact. You both sighed and turned to Paige who was staring unblinking at the two of you from the door. You moved pushing him up.

"Mummy? Wheres my plant I wana show daddy what I grew!" He looked at you and sighed a little, you could tell he was a bit dissapointed but you waved him off as he stood pulling you up with him you moved in whispering.

"Tonight love" he grinned and jumped up a bounce in his step holding his hand out to paige who took it.

"Its on the windowsill in the kitchen" Henry nodded left the room letting you relax for a while already knowing you were picking up your kindle to read. Once in the kitchen he lifted Paige placing her on the counter and pulled over the small plant.

"So whats this then?" She smiled touchingnthe leaves softly

"Its a strawberry plant daddy...I did it from a tiny seed!" He smiled at her looking to the plant it wasnt half bad small but alive which is more then he could say for his when he tried.

"Oh you did this? At school?" She nodded at him and moved the leaves about.

"Yes and it will get bigger and grow pretty flowers...And the flowers will grow a strawberry! Miss bou said we cant pick em till they are a bright red like in the shops... and we can take pictures in to show em off!" He nodded to her

"So your gardening at school now? Is it fun?" She giggled putting the plant down

"Yeah we got lots in our vegetable patch...we got some lettuce and peppers and spinach and and tomatoes! But they not ready yet...Micahs is! Micah grows the at home... can we grow some veggies daddy?" He smiled at her

"We certainly can...Besides we will need to plant your strawberries in the garden...I will make your ownn little growing patch amd we can grow anything you want how does that sound?" She squealed and bounced on her bottom making him smile.

"Lets make a list and we can go get them tomorrow" she nodded in agreement. You walked in the kitchen as henry and Paige leaned over the counter making a list

"Whats going on here then?" Paige quickly riped the paper from under Henry's nose.

"List mummy! Of palnts for my veggie patch! Daddy wants to help!" You smiled peaking over the paper seeing two halves one side had strange 'paige writing' the other a list Henry had written. Compost, tools, string, pots then lots of different fruit and veg. You chuckled shaking your head.

"You missed watering can...maybe we could get a waterbutt? And one of thows plastice green houses to start the seedling off?" He smiled nodding addjng them to the list as you went and checked dinner. You nodded then turned to the other two."Right you tow dinners done wash up then go wait at the table...Had it in the slow cooker all day just needed to be heated up" he leaned over kissing you once again thanking you then helped Paige was her hands leaving to the dining room with Paige.

You did this everytime he came home early dinner meant an early bedtime for Paige and then You could give Henry a proper homecoming. You dished up the dinner home made chicken casserole you moved quickly with the three bowles placing them on the table then sat down ready to eat as Henry began talking about work. you smiled letting him gush about his work, you loved seeing him like this he blushed slightly.

"Any way enough about that, how have my two girls been?" You watched at Paige grinned across the table to him.

"I made a new friend daddy!" You swallowed your mouthfull choosing to keep quiet you knew where this was going you grinned into you bowl. He smiled at her leaning over to wipe her mouth quickly making her giggle at him as he stuck his tongue out at her.

"Oh really? And whats her name?"

"Haha nooo! Daddy its not a girl...I've got a boyfriend!" Henry choked onhis mouthfull paiges face dropped and she looked to you worriedly you smiled reassuringly at her. Henry hit his chest coughing finally getting himslef under control, he looked at you shocked and terrified you nodded at him chuckling.

"A-a boyfriend? Poppet dont you think your a bit err young for that?" She frowned at him shaking her head.

"No daddy! He is really nice! He lets me be a knight! And today we had lunch together and he fed-ed me his tomatoes."

"Gave paige he gave you his tomatoes" you corrected as Henry gaped at her unsure what to make of it.

"So he is just a friend?....he better be" he grumbled the last part under his breath.

"He is a friend...My boyfriend I love him daddy... he gives me hugs! And Kal likes him to! He's my hero" You giggled as Henry was panicked and at a loss.

"Really....love I thought daddy was your hero?" Creased up he actually looked a bit hurt from her words she gave him a sympathetic look.

"Yes daddy you are...But Micah is to! He is soo pretty and fun and he don't make me be the princess all the time...And he shares his colours"

"Okay so you love this boy Micah?" She nodded pushing her food around in her bowl.

"What do you love about him?"

"His hair! Its black and shiney! And and he is cute!"

"Aha but you do know he isnt your boy friend right? Your not aloud boyfriends yet....No boyfriends untill your older." He said she looked at him wide eyed then you her bottom lip quivering.

"What? But but I love him!" Henry crossed his arms at her she mimicked him scowling

"No absolutly not baby" .she whined and smaked the table in a huff

"NOOO! MY BOYFRIEND!" He raised a brow at her as she had a paddy.

"No boyfreinds untill your 21 and thats final ittle lady"

"No! Micah is mine! My boyfriend! A-and you cant stop us from playing! So there!" Henry rose a brow trying to ignor your quiet chuckles as Paige made huffed and stuck her nose in the air being a right little madame. You watched givjng Henry the stink eye as a grin crawled across his face. Here we go.

"Its illegal...he could get in trouble, daddy could get in trouble" Henry tilted his head at her as she gasped trying to read him, you could see her mind trying to work him out. Is he lying? Or not? but her father was an actor...And a damn good one he had a poker face like no other. You knew where this was going, you knew you should stop it but his was gold! You had a feeling that henry was not gojng to ckme out on top.as she opend her mouth.

"W-well we wont tell..Keep it a secret!" She said holding a finger to her lips Henry tutted shaking his head.

"Oh poppet...Do you know where daddy has been these past months?" You squinted at him trying to see exactly where this was going knowing you were going to have to pick up the pieces. She nodded then shook her head no. He smiled devilishly at her. Oh shit here he goes.

"Daddy has been to spy school" you gasped at him oh hell no he wouldnt...yes he fucking would you could see the twinkle in his deep blues.

"Spy school?" She spoke in a small voice then turned to you looking fro one to the other he nodded at he

"Y-your a spy?" He nodded and she gave him a sa look.

"Yes, and I made friends with lots of spies" she twitched slightly shaking her head.

"And they told me that the spy rules says that a spy's little girl isn't allowed a boyfriend until they are twenty one....If they did find out daddy could get in trouble...You dont want daddy to be in trouble do you?" She shook her head bottom lip trembling as she was torn. She looked like she would explode as she tried weighting up her 'options'.

Suddenly Henry dropped his smug look and looked more like a deer in the headlights as Paige began wailing moving her arms making grabby hands to you. You sighed and hoisted her into your arms rocking her trying so hard not to laugh.

"W-why is da-daddy mean?....I ju-just want to pl-play with my boyfreind!" You patted her back rocking her.

"No-now D-daddy will get i-in trouble! But I-I just w-wana plaayy!" She cried harder hicupping between her words.

"Oh sweety come here shh shh" you gave Henry a look as he leaned back in his chair crossing his arms at you shaking his head. Stubborn and protective of his little lady.

"Nope..Not having it" you hissed at him knowing you had to spell this one out for the big idiot.

"Daddy didn't mean it,he wont get in trouble at all baby girl"

"Yes I did"

"HENRY!" he shut up at your hiss

"Bu-but d-daddy said-"

"Hey look at me...Dont listen to daddy he is an idiot and just jealous of Micah" she sniffled an nodded

"Y-yeah cos he-he's got pretty Shiney hair... D-daddies just got stupid curls!" You giggled as Henry looked aghast at her not believing wht ha was hearing

"Exactly daddy is just being a grump! you can still play with Micah...He is your best friend isn't he?" She nodded sniffling

"and you love his like a friend right?" Henry now realised his mistake blinked at you as you rolled your eyes shaking your head at him like 'what the fuck? Really? Shes three' .oh. She pulled away wipinng her eyes looking to henry's matching blues.

"Really daddy? C-can I still play w-with micah?"

"Yes of course...I'm sorry baby...you and mummy was right I just got jealous...daddy is used to being your only hero." Smooth cavill real smooth. She bought it tho nodding he tilted his head down.

"Yo-you wont be in tr-trouble" he shook his head at her

"A-and Micah wo-wont be in t-trouble?" Again he shook his head and reached for her.

"No baby daddy was just being silly...Come here Can you forgive me poppet?" She thlught about it then nodded lunging for him cuddling him he mouthed a sorry to you but you just rolled your eyes at him. Idiot.

It was later that night when Henry returned to your bedroom after reading Paige to sleep,. You both flitted about one another getting ready for bed ou was brushing your teeth when he brought it up.

"So who is this micah then?" You rolled your eyes still hearing a little hostility there...To a fucking three year old. You spat out the toothpaste and looked to henry leaning on the door.

"A little boy...He moved to the village just after you left...Paige was instantly taken with him, he is asian so was avoided by the other kids...you know what she's like with hair and shes never seen straight pitch black hair before... she gushed about him for a few days then they became best freinds....And she call's him her boyfriend because he is the first male friend shes made! God henry really shes three! There none of that shit yet...not for a good few years!" You turned away from your sheepish husband.

"So? nothing i need to know? theres nothing going on? whats his parents like?" You blinked at him..

"Seriously? Like are you being serious now? Ok well fuck it his dad has taken over the doctors surgery and is actually your and my doctor now that dr marsh has retired! His mother is a stay at home wife, they have a cat called fuji; cos he is fat and a gold fish called mino because its a mino...he is a sweet polite boy ...his favourite colour is green he grows fruit and veg in his garden and you know what Henry he fucking loves batman! and whne he batman versus superman comes out he is gonna want batman to kick your ass! there you happy Jesus fucking christ almighty!" Henry smirked moving towards you slowly stalking towards you really.

"Fuck off" he just chuckled quickly wrappjng himself around you.

"God your so sexy when our mad come here~" you blinked at him

"Oh hell no You did not get me riled up to have rough sex.....Henry I!....you little shit!" He laughed knowing you’d caught onto him making you more irritated and dragged you to the bed kissing at your neck along the way.

"Come on love time for number two...A boy to keep and eye on Paige for me when I'm away!" You chuckled relenting as he laid you down on your bed.

#henry cavill x reader #henry cavill fic #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill #henry cavill x daughter #henry cavill x child

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randomsevans · 4 years

Text

PAIN OF BEING IN LOVE

Part 2

Chris Evan's x Reader

@jtargaryen18 30 days of chris 2020

summary: following the news of Chris's engagement you find your way back down memory lane . To the finding and first crack in your love for Chris that would only lead to the current pain you are in

The part couple of hours have been a blur ever since Lisa had announced that Chris was getting married to his actress girl friend ,Minka . You feel like your mind was somewhere as your body floated around not releasing what was going on , feeling numb . You dont know how or when but you laid on your bed under the covers in the pitch black . Finally letting the tears fall . You knew this day would come , but it doesnt stop the pain , the constant stabbing in your chest . You always knew loving Chris was bad for you , but you did it anyway, you still do . And you know deep down no matter what the future holds for you or who you have in your life you will love Chris . And you will always love the joy and pain he brings into your life , without anyone knowing, well apart from Scott now . And you know no one , ever , future ,past , present will have the same effect on you as those blue eyes do . You will always love chris , different love no one could ever be able to beat or match or even go higher But you kept it a secret long enough and it will always be . It's not like you expect somewhere down the line you two might end up together, that was never gonna happen . His to good for you , and his sees you as a sister . An Minka is perfect for him in every way . You are happy for him truly getting the life he has always wanted . But that doesnt stop the pain. You cant help but remember to the day you realised you love him and how he could never be yours , you never would allow it .

+++++++++++++++

Flashback

'The dickhead , errrrrrr knew it was too good to be true , I bet his getting a proper kick out of it ' 14 year old you was standing outside the cinema. The movie you were ment to be seeing playing, probably half way through now . Your date never turned put and to be honest your not that disappointed, he seem like an asshole anyway . Your just annoyed he probably thinks it's fun and thinks your crying. (You wouldnt allow your self to cry over something so pathetic in your eyes ) But you can't help on single tear roll down your cheek , this was ment to be your first date . You didnt want to go , you wasnt interested, but Scott kept pushing you to give it a shot. At least one lesson was learnt , dont listen to Scott but it's a lesson you already knew all to well .

To make things worst Scott wasnt picking up his phone . Probably to busy was something stuiped as always . Once you called him the 10th time you started to become stressed . How was you gonna get home ? You felt more teare escape due to the stress .

Scrolling though your contacts you came across Chris . You held your thumb over the name of awhile debating whether to call him or not . He was Scott's older brother ,you didnt want to make a fool of your self and seem like a little girl who cant look after her self but at the same time he said he you ever needed him he was one phone call away .

So that's what you did . With your phone now up to your ear you waited to see if he would answer. 'Hes probably busy with his new girlfriend '

But to your surprise he answered

"Hello "

"Hi " your voice cracked and tears began to run down your cheek at the sound of his voice.

"Y/n are you okay ?" You could hear the panic in his voice , you just let out a loud hiccup as your tried not to cry "... tell me where you are I'll come and get you "

"But ... a... arnt you .u busy ?"

"I'm never to busy for you . Now where are you ?" He demand as you heard on the phone and loud slam you could only assume a door and a seconde later you heard his car engine.

"Umm Chris it's fine, I should of called "

"Sweetheart tell me where you are ,or I swear I'll look on every street in Boston. "

"Umm but "

"Y/n " he warned

"I'm at the cinema 15 minutes away from your and Scott's "

"Okay I'll be there in 5 " he ended the call .

How can he be here in 5 , its 15 minutes away . Unless he is going to speed . He better not. Maybe he already knew where I was . Oh who iam kidding his nee girlfriend probably leaves 5 minutes away .

And with that you waited ,not much else you could do . Your tears died down . Still feel stuipid of crying over something or someone or somewhere you didnt even want to be

As if in a blink of an eye a battered dirt coloured trunk pulled up in front of you . The windows rolled down to show a very conserndier Chris showing lines on his youthful face as he frownd . "Get in " he muttered by in a tone that was not to be argued with . So you step forward hesitant at first but then you remember you did call him . As as you open the car door and I one footed jump into the truck , shuting the door behind you placing your bag in front of you , inbetween your feet as you fiddled with the seat belt .

"So ... " he began " why are stranded at the cinema "

"I was... um "

' Why am so nervous '

"I was ment to be on a date ..." it was then you final met Chris eyes that showed a flash if emotion as if he was almost hurt at the thought of you on a date . But it was probably because you interrupted his own . But you still felt a need to explain as if to avoid hurting his feelings.

"He ..he stood me up.. its not like I even wanted to go it was all Scots idea ." To quickly finished quite nervous as if you did something wronge .

Chris raised an eyebrow "Scotts ha ?" You nodded

"I tried calling him but he didnt pick up "

"So you called me ?" You nodded " so why was you crying if you didnt even want to be on the date ?"

"I was not!" You never like showing your emotions it made you feel weak and you are anything but weak .

"I heard you on the pho..." he chucked trying to lighten the mood

"I was just stress I didn't know how I was gonna get home "

"Well iam here now "

"So can you take me home ?" You questioned

"No !" You were shocked by his sudden answer.

"What ?"

"I'm not taking you home, not yet anyway " he said with his sights smirk .

"So where ?"

"Surprise!" He said starting the engine

"But ... but dont you have to get back to your girlfriend?"

"Pfff girlfriend?" He looked confused.

"Yeah Scott said you had a girlfriend "

"You shouldn't listen to Scott "

"I know that " you giggled now looking out the widow watching the world pass away. Unaware of certain blue eyes keep glancing at you with a smile only for you .

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

" you didn't have to do this you know " said while manching on your fries in a dinner Chris brought you to .

" I did !" He agreed with a mouth full of his burger ." I couldn't make you go home with a frown " he said with his mouth. You blush at his words but disgusted by his manners .

Throughing a scrunched up napkin you giggled playfully " dont speak you your mouth full "

He raised an eyebrow and smirked a little sorry .

"Why do you care anyway , why do this just to make me smile " you giggled certainly in a better mood , his blue eyes stared into your in awe and a quite mutter you just about heard " if only you knew " but you swear you heard him wrong some you moved on to your next question . As those also familiar butterflys return to your stomach when ever your around Chris .

" So is that your job to make me smile " you ask while putting another frie or two in your mouth .

"Among other thing "

"Like ..?" Your curiosity getting the better of you .

" Give me the punks name ? " he glared at you but still in a soft manner as if to tell you his anger wasnt towards you

" what ?"

" the idiot who stood you up I want his name " he demanded as if a man on a misson .

"Why? "

"Because he made a mistake standing you up "

"And whys that ?"

Because he stood up the best girl in Boston, I know I wouldnt if I was him" the last part came out a bit shaky and quite .

"It doesn't matter anyway " you felt the butterflies raise to your chest as your heart began to faster .

"Because it does "

You couldn't argue anymore , abit scared by his tone you gave him the boys name . But you were still under the spell of his blue eyes . And it was at that moment everything your mother said as a child when you ask about love , princess and prince, clicked in your head . She expain how the flurry feeling never goes away as their around, how theirs a smile on your face always. And how their a feeling. A feeling only there can make you feel . It was at this moment you realised

Holy shit I'm in love with Chris

As you stared at those blue eyes surrounding a 17 year old Chris you knew you always had a little crush on him . You were pretty sure half of the girls in school did . But it never accrued to you just how far those feelings ran .

"Why do you care ?" You titled your head .

"Because your Scotte best friend " he smirked with yet another mout h full of his burger. You giggled at his terrible manners .knowing full well he was doing it because he knew it annoyed you .

And it was in this moment you knew

'He will never be your y/n and keep it that way to keep both Scott and Chris in your life '

You put on a small smile , as the first crack appeared on you new found love for Chris that will forever be on you heart . If only you knew it would be the first of many. Leading to the one big hole you feel currently. But that's the pain of being in love

#captain america #chris evans #steve rogers #chris evans x reader #steve rogers au #fanfic #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x y/n #chris evans au #30daysofchris2020

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monstaxdirtywonk · 4 years

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MX’s IC (Imum Coeli)

DISCLAIMER : Read this! because I don’t want anyone to start drama at the comments since I said it already. We don’t know their birth times and IC needs birth time. I did a post on my speculations regarding this. That’s why those IC signs are ALLEGED ones. Thank u for understanding~

IC sign, the opossite of Midheaven, a personal one, how we are in private, our hidden desires and sense of comfort.

Shownu (Taurus rising,Leo IC)

I find this so accurate and this post might be a bit playful at some parts since it has to do with upbringing and maybe a bit of ‘weak’ spots.

Shownu is a traditional man! He’s said so himself and especially in korean culture (I’m not korean but that’s what i’ve heard) reputation is a big deal.

That’s why he grew up taking pride in his heritage, embracing his culture and this is where his pride lies.

As a shownu stan, i might know him a little bit better than the rest and I have to say the follow era was a hell for him but he didn’t show it because he puts a ‘rock’ persona out

besides his band mate leaving the group, what hurts him the most is his reputation being ruined in the eyes of the entire country

you don’t understand how harmful this is for shownu

thankfully many agreed he wasnt in the wrong but still it was a lot

anyways that’s over and we’re doing much better and that’s what matters

regarding the desire part, he wants someone that truly respects him for who he is

and he truly is someone worthy of that

Wonho (Cancer rising, Libra IC)

Another hard one but some posts are like that

in general the best signs for an IC are the water ones (yayy we are validated for once xD)

wonho has in general lots of water influence and as we can see, he is someone in touch with his emotional side that tends to get touched easily and cries even in more light-hearted situations that aren’t that heavy

after all water signs are known for being crybabies

his ic can create an opossition here since libra ic can be about mantaining peace and a seemingly ideal family/personal life

but this doesnt exist and problems arise

however his need for mantaining that perfect picture might make him skip on those and kind of bury such issues

this might connects with his past and those issues he shared with us after the entire ‘scandal’

maybe as a teen, he avoided all this and this might be the reason why nowdays he is prone to crying, he misses that

i am a huge advocant on men expressing their feelings and im happy he does that

according to his ic but chart in general, i do think that he wants a peaceful life and to be with someone that rarely gets agressive, someone mild and understanding, someone to encourage his emotional side he might supressed in the past

Minhyuk (Libra rising, Capricorn IC)

i do get the vibes that minhyuk was very put together from a very young age

neat and all

probably very responsible and mature too

his libra self has high ideals and he enjoys luxury and that’s why he might works extra hard to have this life

this might lead to him being demanding at times which is very intersting since this is a side of his we’ve never seen

he craves stability and that’s a bit contrasting with his seemingly chaotic life

family oriented as well, we know how good he is with kids

he loves all of that

Kihyun (Pisces rising, Cancer IC)

that’s a great sign for IC since cancer rules this placement

his caring nature and mother role goes hand in hand with his childhood which seemed to be great

he was nourished and felt safe with strong parental figures

he finds joy in family like settings

also he has a special connection with home, wants it to be cozy and all

might not even care about a ‘modern’ home but maybe his family one, that’s probably an average korean home, means much more than any other super luxurious one

he craves people that he can feel comfortable with and be real

Jooheon(Capricorn rising, Taurus IC)

This is something repetitive that i’ve seen when they talk about this placement

which might make sense with his rising

that there’s a need to create your own individual person and move away from your family ideals/habbits

well behaved as a kid, but this need of being a ‘good boy’ might’ve made him following others expectations instead of his own

but still close to family, just having his own influence over himself and he’s done that in my eyes

Changkyun(Scorpio rising,Aries IC)

Honestly if there’s a member I wish I knew his birth time the most, it;s Changkyun

I wanna see what his houses reveal because he seems to have an inner conflict at times

he has pisces/scorpio making him very romantic intimate and even clingy but then there’s aquarius and aries, wanting independence

he might not want to admit the first part because i do think that at times he wears a ‘mask’

i’m not saying he is not genuine but he might want to appear tough since the world can be too cruel for his delicate feelings at times

rebellious and impulsive , especially with that aquarius, but if he is careful, he can bring change and have an impact since he is an idealist

(for astrology ships dm me 4-5$)

#monsta x #monsta x astrology #kpop astrology #monsta x ship #shownu #wonho #hoseok #kihyun #minhyuk #hyungwon #jooheon #changkyun

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vinniespeaks · 4 years

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no one has ever taught me the dos and don’ts of socializing. when someone asks me “how are you?” i generally respond with how i honestly feel and it takes a bit to realize that they weren’t expecting such a negative and/or long answer. i dont know how to start a conversation. i sit there in my phone while kids around me are able to talk and goof around, and i just dont know when i can jump in. i thought i was good at reading tone but im not. if im recieving praise or being scolded i dont know how to act. when my mom used to ask “what are you doing?” in that scolding tone i would literally tell her what i’m doing. when people are joking or being sarcastic i have to ask if they’re being serious or not and then they yell at me for not seeing how obvious of a joke or sarcastic statement it was. i thought i was empathetic but im not, either. when i hear on the news that someone died in a car accident or a famous couple divorced i just. shrug at it. and i dont know if thats just from being used to tragedies like that or just actually being low empathy.

i used to be a really sociable kid too. i would insert myself in other’s conversations, talk about myself, and i didnt know what personal space was. my mom has told me stories of being at wedding receptions and finding me at a random family that they’ve never met’s table, talking with them. as i grew older i withdrew a lot more knowing that im different from the other kids, and i was often left out of groups or told im annoying.

i preferred to do all my activities by myself, and would straight up ask my teacher if it was possible for me to do a group project by myself. sometimes they’d give in, other times not. i would often not even take that much part in the group project because i couldnt do it the way i planned to. group projects were bearable with kids i was well acquainted with, though i still preferred being alone.

i never really had a best friend either. for the first few years of elementary i was just getting to know everyone, and attached to 2 of these other girls, but i had always wanted to be friends with the boys. soon i just drifted away from everyone, because i knew they all thought i was weird. then in the last two years of middle school i had a somewhat of a solid friend group. we talked frequently at school, picked each other for projects, etc,. yet we had little to nothing in common. i really enjoyed fantasy world or action/adventure books like harry potter and percy jackson, and i loved video games and space. sometimes in group projects one of them wouldnt pick me but someone else, and suddenly i was lost. i didnt know who else to go with. so then i was stuck with some other kid who definitely didnt want to be with me either.

it shouldve been clear to my mom that something was either wrong with me or wrong with my school, because i remember the countless times i cried in her arms begging her to take me out of the school and put me in a public school, where maybe, just maybe, i could meet someone who’s just like me, who has similar interests as me, who was always seen as an outcast like me, who i could see as a best friend.

im told i should be lucky that i got a private education. that i should be grateful my family sent me there instead of public. but everyday i really regret it, and i wish my mom listened to me when i did.

public school isnt any better, but my private school was outrageously homophobic, ableist, any bigotry in the book. my teacher asked me once what i did after school each dat. i told her that after school i liked to take a break, because school is really tiring for me. she said i should do my work as soon as i get home.

no one thought that my immense piles of late work was maybe a sign of neurodivergency. i was yelled at for it, made to feel embarrassed, because i was “lazy” and i didnt care for my teachers, and stuff like that. i was withdrawn of the joys my other classmates could enjoy while i was crumbling under piles of worksheets. i had to stay in from lunch and gym time everyday in eighth grade because of my work. when everyone else who had their work done could be out of uniform, i was still in uniform, and i wasnt allowed to be out until i had all my work done. it was like wearing a badge of guilt. that i was telling everyone i was lazy, or stupid, or messy, and it was embarrassing.

#vinnie speaks #rant #ramble #autism #actually autistic #neurodivergent #being autistic #autistic problems

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wwounu · 5 years

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mafia!jeonghan “YOON” #11

↻ masterlist — intro￤s.coups￤yoon￤hong￤wen￤hoshi￤jeon￤woozi￤dk￤kim￤xu￤boo￤chwe￤lee

traitor

member of Venor Unit

his role is more of a spy, however jeonghan likes the term ‘traitor’ more than anything

there are many rumours about him

only a handful have been picked to be debunked as true or false

for years he’s still been rumoured whether or not hes a member of seventeen

surprise surprise, he is

and the story of how he was recruited was one he’d never forget

because who would forget his missing nineteen-year old childhood friend climbing up to the top of his penthouse, at 1:27 in the morning, and suddenly break and walk into your bedroom like it’s no big deal?

in other words, he wasn’t pleased to see his dearest seungcheol

his friend was talking about all sorts of nonsense the moment he startled awake: japan, gangs, tattoos,, bad haircuts,,, poisoned ice cream??

this wasnt the seungcheol he remembered

so with mixed feelings, jeonghan told seungcheol to crash on his bed while jeonghan would take the couch and asking seungcheol to take a shower because he looked like he came back from a fight with a shark

when morning came seungcheol was trying to explain jeonghan about the wonderful complicated world of mafia business

but jeonghan had none of it — it sounded unreal

on top of that he was more fussed over seungcheol leaving for two years and not telling his own friend about it

with all this anger building inside him, mainly due to the stress of trying to get his head around this whole... thing, he told seungcheol to leave and go back home

seungcheol gave a look at him, a hard look, before he sighed and stormed out of the place

jeonghan didnt miss the small ‘no one ever stops to listen to someone like me’ under seungcheol’s breath

and never in their friendship they brought light upon their many differences, so it kinda tugged on jeonghan’s heartstrings

it saddened him knowing he didn’t give the welcome his friend wanted but at the time he thought he was in the right

then for the next two weeks, seungcheol was desperately trying to get jeonghan to join his ‘mafia’

(mafia in asteriks, because jeonghan wasn’t having any of his bullshit)

through messages, messy letters, he even received a collection post-it notes stuck around his penthouse without traces of who did this even though he fully knew well who it was

and that night jeonghan was paranoid that seungcheol would randomly break in again

then the desperation for help stopped for the next month

although jeonghan did enjoy the attention from his best friend and wanted to continue this ‘fun’ game, he began to grow concerned

his best friend disappeared without a trace. again.

the cope was harder to deal with this time, because the insignificant thought about seungcheol truly being a mafia boss was becoming the host of his nightmares

you best believed the utter shock on his face when he saw seungcheol sat beside his door around midnight

hood up, dirty head to toe and one nasty cut on his lip and cheek

jeonghan was supposed to go to a party, but that priority was ignored straight away

he takes seungcheol in, aiding the cuts before doing anything else

as jeonghan would expect from the man, seven year old seungcheol would be screaming ugly noises with snot running down along his tears

but this other seungcheol didn’t flinch at the pressure of the alcohol touching his skin, and looked in every direction to avoid jeonghan

that — thankfully — hadn’t changed

seungcheol always payed attention to his surroundings when he doesnt want to be in a situation. it happened a lot with his father

so jeonghan asks why he looks like shit

and all the anxieties rush to his brain as the thought of his lash of anger to seungcheol caused the latter to end up like this

questions like when did he last eat?, where did he stay?, did i do this?

but seungcheol started explaining himself

something about these high schoolers ganging up on a sixteen year old in their school because of his looks, seungcheol stood up for this said ‘sixteen year old’ and found the four-against-one fight fair play until they brought out knives and seungcheol was like youve got to be kidding me

and suddenly, one thing led to another and the sixteen year old lit a tree on fire???? and he lifted a stray branch, took out a lighter, then lit it before storming to the high schoolers with a maniac-like look on his face

and the kid was then gone as he chased the high schoolers away

seungcheol had never been more confused

but he had to get out as there was still the,,, burning tree there,,,,,,

and when he finished his story, he paused, falling silent again and sort of bitterly saying ‘sorry, half of the things i say sound unbelievable now’

and jeonghan is a bit offended but he wasn’t going to push seungcheol away yet again

so jeonghan tells him that he believes him and at first seungcheol kept arguing that he’s bluffing for his sake

surprised, jeonghan reassures him again and again to get it through seungcheol’s head that he’s going to join him because he’s going through a hard time, anyone can see that

remaining silent, seungcheol nods before he manages out a thanks

they apologise and forgive each other, and later that night seungcheol tells everything — and i mean everything — about his family and the mafia

it was a heavy night for seungcheol

which brings us to today

since jeonghan was born into a rich family, it made seungcheol’s job way more easier than it was as jeonghan had higher class connections with others while his friend kept lowkey

he can have news alerted to him quickly like updates on parties, social events, scandals, some juicy affairs here and there, all that corrupt high-society crap

and he gets the odd word about some mafias in korea, making it his duty to report all of it back to seungcheol

with seungcheol’s command, he does whatever he instructs him to do, which is to spy on any updates of the situation

hence why he’s always out at fancy social-events

its truly a bore though. he’d rather sleep in

you may think he’s just acting naive most of the time — but he’s listening to every word and every moment he can sink in all around him

the highlight of the night is when everyone gets drunk, which is the perfect time to hear their dark secrets and use his sweet-talk

effortlessly finds a way to manipulate his way to invite himself and seventeen, who’d he’d call associates, to any banquet whenever he senses dirty work will commence

his pretty-boy looks usually do the trick ‘seventeen’s pretty boy’, the group calls him

makes the time to take care of the member’s schedules and invitations to these places, even going to the extent to make replica invitations

creates a plan of how the members enter so that they wouldn’t be seen together and raise eyebrows

particularly during these events, other suspicious men try to keep a close eye on jeonghan due to the rumours of his relation to the seventeen mafia

yet they’re wasting their time because he’s never in one place and socialises with many people

often when he strays on his own, he explores the area and wanders from room after room to find anything else valuable

normally reports to wonwoo what he finds through an earpiece

‘i found a diary’

‘youre going to open it arent you’

‘risqué, she keeps a taser and a ton of money in her lingerie set’

‘dont take the money’

‘wasnt going to’

‘jeonghan drop the roll of money right now’

‘... fine’

‘okay’

‘i took the taser instead!’

did i mention that he needs to ‘borrow’ a belonging as his souvenir for the places he visits

and because of junhui, he has semi-mastered the skill to hide all evidence

also pretty much hates it when he’s rushed, needs to take his tiem with everything (excluding when they’re in grave danger then that’s different)

mouth runs a lot so when he really needs information to be spilt, he exposes other lowkey scandals to get the information he needs

this is where he gets his traitor title from

if he’s framed as a traitor, he turns the tables around and either puts the blame on someone else or on the person calling him a traitor

he’s grown up in this corrupt class and knows all the dirty ins and outs of it

when he feels like he’s being interrogated to spill information, he takes control of the conversation and does subtle things like asking for things usually pouting when doing so or complimenting on one thing before discussing something completely off topic

he can never expose seventeen and will never expose them even if he’s dying

another off-topic fact, he calls people babe a lot

mainly because it makes people feel a certain way, but its jeonghan’s self-acclaimed magic word

that word does things

is also a part of A Team, but due to the fact jeonghan is always busy, they dont work together as often as they used to

looking at soonyoung, wonwoo and jeonghan, you wouldn’t think of them to be that close but they’ve had history

out of all of seventeen, he’s the weakest in terms of weaponry since he’s basically just a informant to seventeen

therefore his choice of weapon are usually used by the closest thing to him

prefers glass as his choice of weapon if he had to choose, so because of this minghao frequently gives him smashed wine bottles for jeonghan’s use

a bit of a brat

but seventeen never mentions it

loves seeing people beg in front of him, especially when theyre desperate

this might be because he likes attention on him

teasing and poking fun at them gives him the greatest joy, it leaves him so satisfied but also wanting more

normally after difficult jobs done by the whole group, when Perficio Unit are clearing up the last of the evidence and killing the last of their suffering enemies, jeonghan skips in to take a wonder around too

Perficio Unit let him because its jeonghan

blood is soaked everywhere, many men are on the floor, some dead, possibly not, and their fancy suits all ruined while the four males finishing the job play jazz music on blast as they take care of the remains

just another job for seventeen

and jeonghan inspects each face, making sure the fear is their eyes while theyre slowly dying from blood loss. if they arent, then jeonghan pulls a gun out of his pocket and points it at them, getting the reaction he wants

(the gun was full of blanks anyway, what’s there to be scared about??)

decides to steal a wristwatch from one of the men and gets told off by the unit because they now have to get rid of jeonghan’s dirty fingerprints for stealing the accessory

loves it even more when Perficio Unit are in the middle of an interrogation (on most occasions they lead the questioning) back in their hideout and pops down to see how their ever-so suffering victim is hanging in there

generally summoned down if 1. wonwoo is busy or 2. they need the victim to speak a bit more

jeonghan doesn’t play once he comes down — but its inevitable that he’ll make sure that he gets the satisfaction that he wants from the person held captive

will stay until theyre sweating and crying in a mix of blood and tears and they are begging in front of his feet while tied up. he wont stop the torture unless the person confesses truthfully to what Perficio Unit ask and feel numb around their whole body that it hurts

uses the taser he stole in addition to let the pain sink in even more, also decorated the taser to have stickers of a halo and wings to look like an angel

when they get the answer they want, it’s a job well done for jeonghan

and when the victim thinks its all over, jeonghan sweetly grins one last time to them, turning foot because, really, he cannot do anything to the poor soul

he shrugs and walks, searching in his back pocket for a gun a filled one this time, twirling it around his fingers before handing it to one of the unit members

without skipping a beat, he smiles, whispering ‘enjoy’ and leaving them to do their job

needs the members as much as the members needs him

a perfect balance

“Somebody said it means imperfection and danger”

#hopefully this hasnt dragged on for too long #2.1k words?! yikes!#also im posting the aus by recruitment order #jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #jeonghan au #jeonghan imagines #jeonghan scenarios #seventeen jeonghan #seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen mafia au #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #mafia!jeonghan #lucet iaspis au

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hangeladavis · 5 years

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A Gift For You On My 30th Birthday

IT’S MY 30TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

This is an accurate portrayal of how I felt this morning when I woke up! 30!!!! WOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!! I have lots of feels so I made a playlist. Naturally. So here are 30 songs (+1 for good luck) that I love and a little bit about them.

Knockin on Heaven’s Door by Bob Dylan - My mom says that this is the first song that came on the radio when we left the hospital. Imagining that it’s the first song I heard is nice.

I Love Your Smile by Shanice - When I was a baby child, this was my song! Every night when my dad got home from work and walked into our apartment in Queens I would run to him and ask him to play my song and I would sing it. HARD! Mind you I was like 2 or 3 but it didn’t matter.

Fly Like An Eagle by Seal - Can we talk about the Space Jam soundtrack!? It was vibe to my 6 or 7 year old self and it still goes! I feel like this album was the first time I really heard music. And felt it.

I Wanna Be Down by Brandy - Ok so my dad got those Columbia House cds for 1c or whatever and the first one he gave me was Brandy’s self titled album. You couldn’t tell me nothing!!! Hairbrush karaoke on a million!

Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny’s Child - When “Writings on the Wall” came out, I really tried to convince my friends to do a backyard performance with choreography and everything. They said no but it was then at 9 that I knew I wanted to be an artist, a director specifically.

We Can’t Be Friends by Deborah Cox - Another in the Columbia House cd collection, I played this album out and knew every word. I played it last summer after not listening to it for at least 15 years and still knew every word and every riff.

My All by Mariah Carey - “I’d give my all/ To have/ Just one more night with you” I had no real context for what I was singing but I used to sing this song so hard! I miss classic Mariah.

Kick Your Game by TLC - That Crazy, Sexy, Cool album was so classic and it was hard to pick one song but this was my jam!

I’ll Be There by The Jackson 5 - Now that I am older I question if I really want someone to be there with that much fervor after a breakup but when baby MJ sings “just look over your shoulders honey, oooh!” I feel it in my soul!

Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson - This song sends me. From the very beginning, to the beat drop. And when she grabs the phone from him and tells his baby “He’s not coming back/because he’s sleeping with me!” thats a moment. No one wants to be on the receiving end of that call but Diana gets what she wants.

That’s The Way Love Goes - JANET! Queen of the Whisper Sing! Duchess of Tight Choreo! I was way too young to be singing this song but I blame my dad. It’s a sexy jam and I don’t regret it.

Are You That Somebody by Aaliyah - When I was 10, some friends and I danced to this song at our elementary school. My mom choreographed it, we got matching outfits and we performed it. Another group of girls (who were admittedly more popular) danced to “Maria, Maria” and they wore matching cowboy hats. Naturally, there was a showdown on the playground over who was better. Naturally.

Just a Friend 2002 by Mario - Westbury Middle School! It was the best of times and the worst of times. Mainly the worst of times cuz middle school is hellish and there is nothing you could do to make me want to relive those years. But one of the sweet moments was getting a mixed cd from this boy that had a crush on me and this was the first song. Swoon It worked. We dated for a while. It was cute.

My Life, My Love, My All by Kirk Franklin - This is the first song I ever choreographed and it changed my life. I was 10 years old. I showed my mother the choreo and she said teach me. It was in that moment that she validated my artistry. That’s why can’t nobody tell me nothing. I have been doing this for 20 years!

Healing by Richard Smallwood - My mother choreographed this piece for the church dance ministry, Choresis, at Memorial Presbyterian Church in Roosevelt, NY. It was one of their most popular pieces and it gave my mother the outlet she needed to dive headfirst into her artistry. I learned how to lead, facilitate and hold healing arts-centered space from my mother and the women she danced with. Their labor made me possible.

Air Force Ones by Nelly - Back to Westbury Middle School, this song is to honor the Air Force 1s wearing preteen I was. Ooh girl…

Ready For Love by India.Arie - When this song came out I thought I knew what it meant and sang it as such. Girl. Girl Girl Girl Girl Girl Girl… 15+ years later and the only thing I know is that I don’t know very much at all. Also this song is very hetero and I am indeed very queer. lol

I’ll Write A Song For You by Earth, Wind & Fire - Family road trips were not complete without this song. We still sing this song like it’s our job. I knew we were getting older when my brother Jordan couldn't hit the high notes.

As by Stevie Wonder - This song. Whew. When I was 10, my mother and I were asked to dance to this song at the funeral of a baby that died. We did and afterwards I was tore up. I kept thinking about my baby brother, Aaron, who has just been born and how I would feel if he died. I didn’t listen to this song for years. Until I really listened to the words and thought about a love that transcends space and time. This song inspired me to write a musical based on Stevie Wonder’s music. And it is my favorite song by my favorite singer.

Breathe from In The Heights Musical - Fast forward, my senior year of college my parents gave me tickets for In The Heights for Christmas. My best friend Lana and I sat in the second to last row in this Broadway house and when this song started I wept. I mean completely lost it. Because she was singing my story. I was flunking out of college my senior year and hadn’t told my parents. I had been a top student in high school and graduated #5 in my class. But I didn’t have words to name my anxiety, depression and fear that I had no idea what to do with my life after school. “And what will my parent say?/Can I go in there and say/"I know that I'm letting you down” This song still makes me cry.

I’m Here from The Color Purple Musical - I’ll let the song speak for itself. “I believe I have inside of me /Everything that I need to live a bountiful life/And all the love alive in me/I'll stand as tall as the tallest tree/And I'm thankful for every day that I'm given/Both the easy and hard ones I'm livin'/But most of all, I'm thankful for/Lovin' who I really am

Back That Azz Up - Ha! This is my favorite transition. This song is for my undergrad club days at A&T and the Blu&White fam.

Boogie Oogie Oogie by A Taste of Honey - But I don’t actually club for real because I am a grandma that missed my era. I could dance to disco all night actually.

Seasons of Love from RENT Musical - What can I say? I’m a theatre kid. This is for A&T’s theatre department that taught me so much and made me so much of who and how I am as an artist. And Rest in Peace to the mother of our theatre department, Frankie Day.

Screens by Zoocrü featuring Al Strong - In 2016, I met a woman named Margaret A. Brunson who changed my life. (She has that effect on everyone) The first time we hung out she took me to an Kickstarter kickoff party for a band named Zoocrü. I had never heard of them before but as soon as they started playing I was like Who are these boys? I offered my administrative assistance for their campaign and it turned into more than I ever imagined. That offer is what pushed me into consulting and it’s been a joy to work with artists and creatives. I am grateful that our paths crossed.

Sunday Candy by Donnie Trumpet - My grandmother, my Nanny, Evelyne Marie Laisure Marshall passed away on September 29, 2017. Her living made me possible and her passing changed my life. I talk about grandmas so much because I dont know who I would be without her love. I miss her so much but I find her everywhere; in my red fingernail polish, in my card shuffling, in my baking, in my political analysis, in my care. And yes, in the candy dish in my living room.

F.U.B.U. by Solange - Last year I created a show called “Buy My Soul And Call It Art”. I had no idea what I was doing but my Nanny had passed and my cousin Michael had passed and the Universe was telling me to “do it scared”. This song was featured in the piece because I never wanted anyone to forget who this is for, who this is centering. “All my niggas in the whole wide world…”

I Want You by Erykah Badu - The second show in the trilogy is “Buy My Body And Call It A Ticket” and that show almost killed me. I had to go somewhere deep inside myself and that place is dark and scary and I wasn’t sure that I was gonna make it out. But I did. And what brought me back was this. “I want you.” I want my body. I want my life. I want my love. I want myself.

I Need You To Survive by Hezekiah Walker - Show number 3 (which will be rebooted) is “Buy My Art And Call It Holy”. Though I don’t consider myself a Christian, I cannot separate myself from my Christian upbringing and this is one of my favorite songs. When I sing it I am singing it out to my people. I am singing to you. “I need you/ You need me/We’re all apart of one body”

Never Would Have Made It by Marvin Sapp - Yall there have been times when I wasnt sure if I was gonna make it to 30. Seriously. Depression and anxiety is real. Sometimes it zaps the desire to be right out of me. But I am here. And I am so grateful. Here’s to another day, another week, month, year, decade!

Crazy, Classic, Life by Janelle Monae - Did ya’ll think there wouldnt be some Janelle Monae on here!?! This is my theme song! Let’s ride this thing til the wheels fall off!

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iiimber · 6 years

Note

All might A-Z

A= affection

Toshinori is a very affectionate man; he tends to keep any displays for when he’s alone with you. He would love to show you off to the world– hold your hand or give you any and all kisses in public, but sadly, being a high profile hero prohibits him from doing that. So when you’re at home together, there’s hardly a moment when he’s not touching you. You’re either in his lap, you he has his arms wrapped around you in any position. It’s very comforting.

B= best memory

He doesn’t like choosing, because there are so many memories that he cherishes. But if he had to, he would say it was your first date. He remembers being so nervous, and you hadn’t been any better– but he had been able to gather up enough confidence to ask to hold your hand. He’ll never forget how flushed your cheeks were, or the giant, pretty smile that overtook your features. To this day, he still tries to make you smile that big again.

C= cat or dog person

Honestly, All Might screams ‘dog person’ to me. He probably has a fondness for big breeds, often charmed by the ones who are too big to be lap dogs but act like one anyways. He doesn’t mind cats, and actually likes them quite a bit, but owning a cat would come after getting a dog to him.

D= dreams

Toshinori had already fulfilled his dream of being a hero, but his more domestic one is to have a family. He’s a good man, and loves children, so it’s only natural to want some of his own. Sadly, he had always been so busy as #1 and the danger of being that high profile and having a kid was much too great…he hopes later on in life he’ll be able to, even if he has to adopt.

E= evenings

If he’s not working, then his evenings are very laid back. He’ll eat dinner and either watch a show or read. If you ever happen to be over, he actually likes play board or card games with you to pass time. If he doesn’t have work early the next morning, he’ll often ask if you’d like to go to dinner, and treat you at an expensive restaurant– before taking you home and falling asleep in each others arms.

F= first date

Your first date was very simple and low-key, but it still made him incredibly nervous. He thought it would be nice to take you out for breakfast on a day where it wasn’t so busy– taking you on a long walk through the park. He had been so scared to ask to hold your hand, but he was glad he did– no matter how little the gesture was. It was you that kissed him by a pond, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t red for the rest of the day.

G= giggle

In muscled form, Toshinori has a booming laugh– it’s loud and deep, definitely heroic and manly sounding. In regular form, he laughs with more of a soft chuckle, which is very cute and gentle. It doesn’t take a lot to make him laugh; he really could giggle at anything you say that’s supposed to be funny. He’s a pun man, and always gets a kick out of them, even if he’s the one saying them.

H= hugs

Oh boy does he love hugs, and man is he good at them. Toshinori hugs with his whole body, both arms squeezing you tightly enough where you feel protected, but soft enough that it never hurts. He never gives side hugs, always goes all the way– even with fans, but it’s of course less intimate than when he’s with you. His favorite way to hug is with you in his lap, arms around his neck while his are around your waist, holding you close.

I= instrument

He’s never had time to really sit down and learn how to play one, no less keep up practice– but while his time in America he had learned how to play a few chords on an acoustic through David. He doesn’t remember much, but once he’s retired he’d like to get back into it, to give himself a hobby.

J= joy

A lot of things bring joy to Toshinoris life. Being a hero was one of them; saving people and gaining their love and trust was something he’s never give up, and it made all the hardships worth it. Midoriya and his heart of a true hero made his so proud and happy always, and that feeling seemed to grow each time he saw the boy improve. Having you in his life to love makes him calm and gleeful; you bring a domestic simplicity he’s always craved a bit; he’d never give that up.

K= kisses

Toshinori’s kisses are always passionate. He’s a passionate man, so his love has to be too. His lips are very soft, and they always feel just perfect against yours– holding you close and pecking yours softly when he leaves for the day, or a hand threading through your hair while he kisses you slow and heavy while pressed up against him on the sofa. They’re never too wet or overbearing, he knows how to move his lips just right.

L= love

Despite being handsome and well-liked, he’s very modest and a little shy when he likes someone. He’s a gentleman, but he tends to act more nice and soft towards you in particular; a clear sign he feels different. While he can be shy with his crush, he’s not above showing off a little too. During school, he’d always rise to the top of any fight or lesson– often turning to you with a smile to see if you noticed. He’s a bit like a puppy, it’s cute.

M= memory

His favorite personal memory would have to do with his master. He had never been incredibly close with his birth parents, so Nana had been a mother to him. He recalls one night after extensive and draining lesson, she invited him to her place for dinner. She cooked, stew that was hearty and thick, and talked to him for hours about his life outside of becoming the next OFA user, and what his dreams were. He’ll never forget the look of fondness on her face, or how intense her listening was. It made him wonder if she had consider him like a son.

N= no

By no fault of anyone else, Toshinori hates getting stuck. In his muscle form, he’s bulky and takes up a lot of space, so it’s hard to maneuver himself sometimes. Walking in the halls after school or trying to get to one destination on a busy sidewalk is hell in his muscle form, he’s too nice to push by and a little embarrassed to excuse his big self past anyone.

O= occupation

A given. Toshinori had always wanted to be a hero, so I imagine he was much like Midoriya growing up; not one to give into his fate of being quirkless, and always looking for a way that he would be able to achieve his dream. It all worked out, thankfully.

P= parent

Toshinori would be a fantastic father. He’s very caring and excitable, he’d be a fun and supportive dad. He had actually always wanted to someday have a child of his own, so if it were to ever happen he would absolutely shed tears. He’d be very hands-on during the pregnancy, no matter how tired he would be from hero work. He’d be secretive though, careful to not let any information on his child being his slip into public hands.

Q= questions

It’s not something he actively discusses since he doesn’t think about the topic too much, but he believes in aliens 100%! He finds it a little odd to think that we are alone in the universe (especially in the kind of world they live in, come on). Toshinori doesn’t partake in any religion, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t think there was a higher power up there.

R= romantic

He is so romantic in a relationship. He’s very busy in his hero life, but that never stops him from showing up on your doorstep after a patrol with flowers and dinner (no matter how tired he is). He says lots of fluffy things, mostly compliments that are so sweetly honest it could give you a cavity.

S= smile

In his line of work, the fact that he can save someone and hear their thanks never fails to make him smile. He loves that fact that people are willing to lean on him; put their trust into him. Toshinori was born to help people, and being able to live up to that makes everything worthwhile. In a romantic sense, being around you and just being is enough to make him smile. He feels most at peace when he is alone with you.

T= together

If he has the time to be, he can be very clingy. He’s an affectionate man, so if he’s able to he can lay with you wrapped in his arms all day. When the two of you share a free day, you never leave each others side. He’ll wake up with you in his arms, run around town holding your had, sit at home with an arm around your shoulder while you rest your head on his chest. Even while making dinner, you’re around each other. It’s very domestic and blissful.

U= unbearable

After his accident, Toshinori begins to always look down on himself, and talk very negatively. It’s unbearable in the sense that you hate to see your joyful and beautiful man so self-deprecating. When he’s like this, he hates when you fret over him. He feels like he doesn’t deserve it, so he often pushes you away. He never snaps, but he’s cold and blunt; it’s hard for the both of you.

V= Videos

Toshinori isn’t the best photo/video taker, but god forbid if he doesn’t try. His album is full of pictures of you; whether it’s one you posed for, or one he took while you were doing mundane things. Any selfies of you two are a little blurry if he took them, otherwise he has all the ones you do. He’s not much of a video taker, but if the situation arises (a surprise for you, or if the two of you ever have kids) he tries.

W= wedding

The wedding was actually small; only your family and some of his + Gran Torino and Dave. Any news of it was kept from the public in fear of it being ruined, so it took place out of the city in a small but pretty church. It was truly one of the best days of his life, and he cried when you walked down the isle. Most of this pictures are hanging up in your shared home, and he loves to gaze at them when he feels off.

X= eXtra

Toshinori likes to read and write poetry. It started as a hobby when he was younger, a way to release any pent-up emotions; and continued on throughout his life. His vows to you had been a short yet sweet piece; flowing beautifully and smoothly to the point you had also cried. If he did not become a hero, he very well could have been a famous poet.

Y= yuck

He likes baked goods and any edible sweets, but artificial sweet smells are a no for him. They smell fake and much too strong, often giving him a headache if he’s around a candle or perfume for too long.

Z= zzzz

Toshinori sleeps heavy, but he doesn’t get the chance to very often. He works shifts and on-call, so he’s often interrupted from a deep sleep. If he’s able to, he can sleep for ten hours interrupted, and it’s incredibly hard to wake him when he’s that far gone.

#Anonymous #long post #all might #all might x reader #all might head canons #all might headcanons #toshinori yagi #toshinori yagi x reader #toshinori x reader #toshinori yagi head canons #toshinori yagi headcanons #a to z

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fifi-uchiha · 6 years

Text

He Wasn’t There (4/?)

https://fifi-uchiha.tumblr.com/post/170697283709/he-wasnt-there-3 (part 3) .........................................................................

“I know you are pretty injured but I will still tell you one thing about Sakura, Sasuke.” The Uchiha swallowed, sweat was dripping from his throat for right know… he had the feeling that Kakashi was going to say something that would wreck his world. . . . “Your wife no longer wants to be with you.” To say he was totally shocked would be a ridiculous understatement. More so, the black haired Uchiha widened his dark eyes in total disbelief, his mouth half parted and his brows raised in shock. Even though Uchiha Sasuke was probably the strongest shinobi in the world, right know he looked like a lost, innocent child who was painfully punched by reality. Horrible, horrible reality. Kakashi, however, looked at him with unforgiving, hard eyes, his posture showed no softness or anything else for that matter. No, the silver haired jonin was more than stern at the moment. He didn’t even think about making this easy for his former student. Sasuke didn’t know how long it took, but after several minutes, he felt like he could breathe again. With a face which was kind of void but still somewhat totally shocked -it was difficult to explain, really- the shinobi blinked, looking at his sensei with questioning eyes. “Where is she?”, his low voice asked filled with unspoken emotion. “What happened? Where are my wife and my daughter, Kakashi?” Impatiens and anger formed a dangerous mixture, something Sasuke hadn’t felt for too many years now for it was always peace and joy he was greeted with when he was with his family. But now… his heart was getting heavier with each passing second and to his dismay, it started to hurt. The jonin was a little startled, blinking in confusion when Sasuke talked like that. He didn’t act cold as he’d expect after he seemed to have ignored Naruto’s letter nor did he show anything else that would lead to the assumption that he’d know about Sakura’s situation. No… The Uchiha looked like he had no idea what was going on right now. “Didn’t you receive Naruto’s message?”, he asked suspiciously, his eyes slightly narrowed. “What message?”, Sasuke asked, his impatiens was laying thin. “Kakashi, what the hell is going on here? What happened during my absence, where is my family?” His last words were heavy with emotion even though his face wasn’t telling or showing much. “I found the source and finally completed my mission. The world is save and now I’m finally back. So please tell me where Sakura and Sarada are so I can go see them..!” It was hard to keep his composure and Sasuke clenched his hands into fists to calm down. “And what do you mean Sakura doesn’t want to be my wife anymore?” This was ridiculous. She loved him with every cell, with every ounce of her very being, so why should his pink haired comrade suddenly want a divorce? Sure, Sasuke was by far not a perfect man. He made mistakes that were unforgivable, he became a traitor, he hurt her horribly… But Sakura had long forgiven him and made him understand that her love was unconditionally. If there is one thing in this world Sasuke knew for sure then it was that Uchiha Sakura loved him with all of her heart. When they were genin, when they were enemies and when he came back- She would always love him, she would never leave him. Sakura had promised him so. She promised to always be with him so many times… That’s why this had to be a bad, idiotic joke. “You really have no idea, do you?”, Kakashi finally understood when his look became more understanding… softer even. End even if Sasuke held a deep connection with his sensei, he felt a strange impulse of… angst. Angst, frustration, impatiens and… anger. “Where is she, Kakashi?”, he demanded, his voice loud with demand and his fear grew even more when his silver haired sensei closed his eyes. “I am in no position to tell you. As I said, Sakura does not want to be with you any longer.” Sasuke’s eyes twitched and his jaw hardened, his fury almost awakened his dou-jutsu. “Kakashi, this is ridiculous. Tell me where my family is so I can see my daughter and talk to my wife!” His thoughts were filled with images from Sakura. What the hell happened? Why did she move out? Why didn’t she want to be with him? Had she finally given up on him after so long? “I will let Sakura know you’re here. I don’t think it would be a problem if you saw Sarada today for she… she’ll want to ask you one or two things.” “But… Kakashi-” “Sasuke, I know that you really seem… innocent. I know you didn’t make a mistake.” It appeared that he never got those messages and thus he… didn’t know about Sakura. “But I really can’t tell you. It’s not my job to do so and I promised her to keep my mouth shut. Your wife went through something indescribably traumatizing and I am not going to betray her and throw her trust in me away just so you can see her a few days earlier.”, he deadpanned, sounding determined as ever. Sasuke’s heart was beating like crazy, the forceful beating almost broke his ribs. Just… what happened to Sakura?! Was she sick? Did she lose too many patients? Did she lose her healing abilities? Had something happened to Sarada? Did her parents die?! Just what could happen to the most powerful woman in the world, dammit?! “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I really need to go.”, the jonin said, sounding calm but loaded. “You should go to Naruto. He’ll help you with Sarada. I’m sure you won’t have problems to see her today, Sasuke.” No more words were spoken when the sixth hokage suddenly disappeared, leaving the black haired Uchiha back who was, after so many years… completely lost. “Sakura...” He wasted no time and turned around, making sure to walk as fast as possible to see Naruto, knowing that his idiotic best friend would be able to help him understand everything… . . . “You have got to be kidding me, dattebayo...” To say that Naruto was surprised would be one hell of an understatement. Naruto just left his office and without even noticing his chakra, Sasuke appeared right in front of him, his eyes demanding and full of unspoken questions. “What the fuck..?”, the seventh hokage muttered under shock, his blue eyes wide in surprise. “Are… Are you real or have I gone totally insane now?” “Hn. You’re not more insane than last time I saw you, usuratonkachi.” Immediately, Naruto’s face fell, the look in his eyes were more than annoyed. “Oh yeah. It really is you, dattebayo.”, Naruto muttered. “And what the hell teme, you’re injured! Come on, you need a medic-” “Where is Sakura, Naruto.”, Sasuke just interrupted, not caring about his injuries at all. “Where is she? And Sarada, why aren’t my wife and my daughter at home?” Due to the fact that his best friend kind of sounded harsh and demanding, the hokage assumed that Sasuke already talked to Kakashi Sensei about the fact that his family does no longer live in their house. Great. How the hell was he gonna explain to him that Sakura left him without mentioning the actual reason? Sakura-chan asked him not to tell anybody -not even Sasuke- about her horrible fight and the blonde shinobi promised her to keep his mouth shut about it. Yeah. But in the same time, Sasuke would rip his head off for not telling him. Gosh, having his two best friends married really was a pain in the ass sometimes, dattebayo! “Something happened, Sasuke. And I’m afraid I can’t tell you everything, but...” Sasukes eyes twitched, however, he waited for his friend to finish his sentence. “Sakura-chan needed you. A few weeks ago, she suffered from one certain… incident and she needed you more than anyone or anything else. But you weren’t there.” Sasuke’s heart was pounding in his ears for Kakashi also mentioned something horrible that his wife had to go through. But what?! What the fucking hell happened?! “Naruto, tell me what was going on while I was gone.”, the Uchiha barked almost too harshly. “You know I can’t break my promise. This is Sakura-chan’s personal secret and If she doesn’t want anyone to find out, I’m gonna respect her decision, dattebayo.” “She is. My wife.”, Sasuke stressed through gritted teeth. “I have the right to know, Naruto. And I’m starting to freak out because-” “Don’t you give me that crap, Sasuke! I sent you… like… a gojillion messages and I never got a fucking answer from you! So cut the crap and-” “WHAT messages?!”, Sasuke finally snapped. “Kakashi told me about it and I can only repeat myself. I did NOT receive one single letter. Not one. I just finished the mission and came home only to find out that neither my wife nor my daughter were waiting for me to come back for fucking good!” It hurt the Uchiha deeply. Sarada and Sakura were his family and knowing that they’d always wait for him to return made him feel that incredible, indescribable joy he felt when he was a child. Their safety and their love pushed him and gave him almost too much hope, really. And now… his whole life seemed to slowly fall apart. “Where are they, Naruto? I have to see them right now, I have to know what happened to Sakura.” “I’m sorry. But you need to wait until tomorrow, then I’ll ask Sakura-chan if she’s ready to face you.” Something about those words made his insides burn with hot fury for Sakura never needed to be ‘asked’ if she wanted to see him. In love or not, their relationship had always been uncomplicated and straight forward in that aspect and his wife never needed time to think about meeting him. Sakura had always been spontaneous and there was never a time where she wouldn’t want to see him, especially not after they’ve married. “Papa..?” Both, Naruto and Sasuke were so engrossed with their conversation that the most powerful shinobi hadn’t noticed the presence of a 14 year old, black haired girl with shoulder-length hair and midnight black eyes which were sparkling darkly behind her red glasses. For a moment, Sasuke thought his heart stopped. Seeing his beloved daughter after two long years, he couldn’t help the yearning, the desire to finally be with his family and actually be a father to Sarada. She grew a few inches, he immediately noticed. Her big, back eyes resembled Sakura’s even more and her hair already reached her shoulders. Of course, red was still her favorite color for she wore a blood red, high collared neck-holder with tight leggings that barely reached her knee. She looked beautiful. His daughter may had dark hair and eyes like him, but her insane beauty was a gift she got from her annoying mother and Sasuke… Couldn’t help but almost feel weak. He missed her. He missed his daughter so much. “Sarada..?” Unlike their first encounter three years ago, Sarada looked at him with strong, almost unforgiving eyes. She showed no tears, no fear or… joy whatsoever. This time it was the older Uchiha who felt literal anxiety even though he hardly showed it. This time… Sasuke was the one who barely could his flickering sharingan under control because yes, he loved his family more than everything in this godforsaken world. “What are you doing here?” Her soft voice was calm but Sasuke, who slightly widened his eyes, could hear the light tremble in her words. Sure, Sarada didn’t want to show him any emotion because dammit, she had never been so angry, so… disappointed. Never in her life would Sarada have guessed that it would come to a situation like this. “I’m home, Sarada.”, Sasuke simply said, making one step, however, the Uchiha didn’t push her or immediately hugged her, knowing that she would burst if he did that. He acted calmly, closing the distance very slowly so Sarada wouldn’t notice and immediately run away. To think that this girl actually hugs him like crazy after his missions… It was almost unreal to Sasuke. “I can see that.”, his daughter spat harshly, not sounding pleased or happy at all. “Why? Why now?” Her demand was harsh and again, unforgiving and Sasuke wondered again… What the goddamned hell happened while he was gone?! “My mission is over.”, he simply answered, making another step towards her much smaller form, his black eyes fixating her calmly. “So that’s it, huh? That’s why you’re back?”, Sarada asked bitterly, sounding even more disappointed. “So my mother really wasn’t enough for you to return.” “Sarada-” “Because that’s how it always works, right?”, she just continued without giving her father the time to explain. Why did she inherit all his negative trades, for god’s sake? “You left when I was five and since then… Mama lives like a single mother. I know we settled things three years ago and I actually understood you because I would do the same. I would leave Mama and you forever if it means I could protect you.” Something in him rotated and the Uchiha swallowed thickly as he watched his calm but infuriated daughter throwing him a dirty, almost disgusted look. “But I would never forget what’s most important, Papa. I would return to you in a heartbeat if someone told me that you’re hurt. I… would never cut my ties to handle a mission, I would never detach myself from the people who love mé. Because that’s what it means to love.” Her eyes became even more bitter, sadder and absolutely shattered. “That’s what means to be a family!” It was the way her father looked at her that somehow reduced her fury a little. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t look angry, he didn’t really do much but look at her with his probing, calm eyes, managing to… get through her. That was always something only her father could do. Looking at her and calming her down even if she was boiling with fury… And when Sasuke saw tears threatening her eyes, he simple raised his lone hand and stood right where he was, knowing exactly that she was incredibly sad and broken. Too many emotions were swimming in Sarada’s eyes who forced herself to stay where she was, to not show any weakness to her father. She looked like she was refusing him, standing there for three seconds… But as Sasuke predicted, she lost and broke her invisible wall. Sarada ran into his arms and clawed his shirt, hugging him with burning tears leaving her eyes as Sasuke put his hand around her tiny form and simply embraced her. It appears that, no matter how angry and how disappointed she was at him… Sarada was still his daughter and she missed her dad so much over the past two years and right now where he suddenly came back, she remembered that. She remembered how much she actually missed, how much she needed him. Sasuke looked absolutely shattered when the 14 year old started sobbing, quietly crying in her fathers arms who just held her without saying anything. Watching father and daughter finally reunited, a small smile touched Naruto’s lips who was more than relieved that Sarada wasn’t as cold towards her dad as she actually wanted to be because not only was she his daughter, the young girl was still a child. A child who missed her father terribly and felt deep relief seeing him again after such a long time. “I missed you.”, Sasuke calmly admitted, running his fingers through his daughters soft hair. “Very much, Sarada.” “And we missed you!”, she shouted in his embrace, sounding almost accusing. “But why didn’t you return, Papa?!”, the crying girl demanded, refusing to look him in the eye. It was so painfully obvious that Sarada was truly a mixture between her parents, really. “Do you know how terrible Mama feels?! After her fight with that guy… she was devastated and she still IS! And you just didn’t come back! She is your wife, Papa, so why didn’t you forget that stupid mission and came back when Uncle Naruto sent you all those messages?!” His hand touched her shoulder and Sasuke pushed her a little back so he could look at her straight in the eye, the look in his orbs full of honesty and assurance. “Had I known that someone threatened any of you, I would’ve come in a heartbeat.”, he declared with a soft but strong voice, the anger in his heart was hot and huge. Just what happened to Sakura, he couldn’t even begin to understand. Who the hell dared hurting her, who in the would could be that fucking strong?! “I didn’t receive a letter. Not one. I would never stay away if I knew that your mother wwas in danger nor will that person who hurt her live long enough to regret whatever he did.” Something dark and violent shook in his deep, soft voice which Naruto knew too well. “Where is she, Sarada? I need to talk to your mother and-” “Mama… doesn’t want me to tell anyone where we live.”, the Uchiha replied sadly. “She said that everyone she trusts could know… and when I asked about you, she asked me to not involve you until she’s ready, Papa. I’m sorry, but...” Sasuke felt a burning pang in his chest because right now, he finally understood that Sakura officially didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. She really didn’t want him to know where she was and the black haired Uchiha felt so unbelievably disappointed in himself… As if he’d lost the most important fight in his life. As if he just lost one part of himself, really… “She knows you’re back. Mama sent me, she wanted us to spend time together.” It appeared that his wife wanted her daughter and husband -yes, he still considered himself as her husband, of course- to be together even if she was somewhat angry at him. But Sasuke wouldn’t expect anything different from her. Sakura Uchiha was not the type of woman who would want her child to chose a side, the beautiful medic always wanted for Sarada to have both, mother and father in her life. “You two should just spend a little time together. I’m sure Sakura-chan will be ready to face you soon but pushing her won’t do any good, dattebayo.” Sasuke’s whole body was burning, he just wanted to refuse and look for Sakura. Whatever happened obviously changed her and Sasuke had the urge to go to her so he could ask how that fucking bastard hurt her, what actually changed her so much. The only person she trusted with all of her heart was himself. Sure, she trusted Naruto, Kakashi and Ino, too but she hated showing weakness, she hated crying and after their mirage, she showed how much she trusted him. Sasuke didn’t want her to be alone and instead wanted her to trust him like she always did. She was not the type to deal with a problem all by herself, his wife was that kind of woman who needed her husband during those times. But he couldn’t force her. If he liked it or not, Sasuke didn’t have a choice but accepting Sakura’s decision and finally closed his eyes, nodding understandingly. “So be it then.”, he finally gave in. “I will give her three days, Naruto. Three days. She will face me or I will look for her, Naruto.” His orbs were promising, serious, almost threatening. “And I will find her.”, he swore darkly, his fear about Sakura’s wellbeing took the better of him. “Tell her I said that, Naruto.” For Sarada’s sake, Sasuke kept still afterwards for Naruto had an idea what he was gonna say. The hokage nodded and just watched father and daughter leave his office and even if the situation right now was damn horrible… Naruto was happy that Sasuke was finally back for good. And Sarada -even if she had been so angry and disappointed in him- was relieved about the fact that her papa didn’t come back because he did not receive the letters. He would’ve come back immediately, had he known about her mothers last fight. Sasuke Uchiha would murder the one in cold blood after he’d find out what happened to his wife. And Naruto wondered… How the hell it was possible that none of his messages reached the Uchiha for something like that had never happened before..? . . . ..............…..............................….………...…......…...…….. ....….….….….…..…....….…....…..….....….....…..….……………. Soooo, I guess the story is almost over. Like I said, I am a SasuSaku fan and I would never make Sasuke treating Sakura like shit for I’m trying to not make them OOC as much as possible lol I mean, come on. Sasuke would murder everyone who dared touching her in the wrong way. Okay, I don’t want to talk too much :D I hope you liked it and I want to thank you for your kind reviews ^,^ with love fifi-uchiha part 5: https://fifi-uchiha.tumblr.com/post/171810771719/he-wasnt-there-5

#sasusaku #sasusaku ff #sasusaku fanfic #naruto #naruto ff #naruto fanfiction #sasuke uchiha #sakura uchiha #sarada uchiha #he wasn't there 4

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josejr22 · 6 years

Photo

This is a comic of pics based on my ducktales fanfic “The gray game” here’s the story, how you enjoy it!

(Webby was always a……special kind of girl, as she’s like the girl from Bioshock infinite, as both lived indoors for most of their life while they trained with their relatives, but this caused webby to worry if this makes her dangerous or different then other girls, well she actually didn’t thought much of it, untill when she was looking for her tennis ball that she kicked too hard and it flew through a row of trees into a prison, where the begal boys and their begal mother were currently are, luckily, no prisoners were outside yet so she was lucky that the ball made it unscathed or stolen…….untill Ma Beagle grabbed the ball before webby retrieved it.)

Webby: Hey!

Ma Beagle: oooohhhhh look! It’s a non twin!

Webby: give me back my ball!

Ma beagle: oh please! You think your “Part of the family”? Your not a mcduck! Your a nobody!

Webby: wha? Wha?

Ma beagle: seriously, how are you a mcduck if your different?

(What Ma beagle asked to webby caused her to become enraged as she didn’t felt offended as how gamers reacted when a danakitana ad that said that John Romero was gonna make players his @@@@@, she didn’t anything extreme though, she just yank the ball of ma beagle and walked home, covering her tears as she walks,)

(Later, the mcduck family was having dinner. While the others were eating, webby was just silently feuming in rage, worring the family)

Scrooge: is something wrong Webby?

Webby: it’s just, earlier, when I tried to get my ball back from ma beagle, she said I wasn’t part of the mcduck family, because she says that I’m……different.

Mrs beakly: oh webagail, (She hugs her granddaughter) it doesn’t matter what she says, your not a nobody, your a SOMEbody, you’ll always be one.

Webby; (hugs her back) thanks granny.

(While this did cheered webby up enough to eat dinner, this isn’t the end, no, what happens next is a series of unfortanute luck for not just webby, but for DUCKBERG, and this would let to webby and the triplets almost getting KILLED in a angry mob! But before I tell you that, I’m gonna tell you this, as of now, I’m gonna talk about a news that confuses me or surprises me, and it starts with: Warner bros putting loot boxes in their single player game, “Middle Earth, Shadow Of War” shadow of war is a sequel to shadow of mordor, a lord of the rings prequel game I’m not gonna spoil anything important in the 2 game’s plot but long story short, in the first game, a dude named Talion works with a ghost named Celebrimbor to kill a bad guy named the black hand after he killed Talion’s family, the 2nd game is where after making a corruption repelling ring, a ghost lady named Shelob takes Celebrimbor hostage, and she says she’ll let him go if talion gives her the ring and he does and Shelob let’s Celebrimbor go, she then says that a common enemy in Sauron needs to die and she sends the 2 to build an army of orcs and raid the enemy’s stronghold. Both games got great reviews but gamers were mad that loot boxes were in the game….but for me, it’s kinda dumb, like loot boxes appear on multiplayer games, so why in a single player game? That’s not quite how it works, when worse, as it turns out, the last mission is suprisenly hard to beat, causing players to realize that the game is forcing you to buy loot boxes to get more orcs and powerful orcs and upgrades, this led to the ESRB company to investigate to see if this is considers gambling, and unfortunately, they declared it isn’t. Thus igniting the rage it ensured. So yeah, those are my thoughts on the news, feel free to comment below if your opinion on the news.)

(Webby couldn’t sleep, she still thinks that Ma beagle should be punished she imagines how the punishment will look like, then she felt what felt like a book under her feet on the side of the bed, which was a book (of course) she opend it and it had all these crazy drawings of ducks being big, small, buff, fat, and the one that got her attention was a antro cube, the words bellow say, “this spell casts a where (untill the one who wished this wish, ends the wish by saying, "I wish this would stop”) “everyone in the city of the wishers location, would be nothing more then a cube and the colors around would be nothing more then a white cube and their memories being alterd to think that this is what their species always looked like except for the wishers friends”)

(Webby was now overwhelmed with both joy and vengeance, she didn’t hesitated, she just lay the book down and said ((unaware that the book has a warning sign in it))

Webby: I wish everyone was the same!

(Within seconds the book started to glow white and a non lethal explosion similar to that of a flashbang grenade flashed webby, the room, the house and then the city of Duckberg, knocking everyone out cold)

(When Webby awoken, she found that she wasn’t wearing her pajamas, and she didn’t saw her casual outfit, she looked down and saw she was missing a neck,ears,hair, and her upper and lower body, she went to a mirror and finds that she had turned into a cube, making her overjoyed)

Webby: it worked! Now Ma beagle will have to understand how it’s like being different!

(Just then, she heard a girlish shriek in the boy’s room, barging in she found that it really worked……as She has 0 idea who shrieked like a woman.)

Huey; what happend?!

Dewey: were cubes!!

Louie: IT WASNT ME WHK SHRIEKED GIRLISHLY!

(Nevermind the huey Dewey and webby know who shrieked, embarrising louie)

Louie: I mean, why is the room black and white?!

Huey: why is DUCKBERG black and white?!

(The 4 look outside to see their home town is painted in black and white)

Webby; i…..may have wished a spell that caused all this to happend….

(The boys glared at webby with pure rage in their eyes)

Webby: I only did it to get back at ma beagle! Now she knows how it felt. I’ll just march over there and make her get a taste of her own medicine!

(She walks all the way down stairs, saying hi and by to scrooge, Donald, and her grandma, and the boy’s follow her telling the 3 adults that they’ll be back…..unaware that the 3 doors were open and there was no one there.)

(At the prison)

Webby: watch this and hide behind that tree please!

(The 3 hid behind a nearby tree and webby marches to ma beagle’ s cage, and prepares to get back at her)

Webby; now do you see Ma beagle? Your experiencing how being the same is? It isn’t fun, nor makes the world creative, it just makes things generic, while people do have opinions on things, people like you blame people who are different for things that people like they and you did like a crime, child abusement and other horrid things a person could do, I just don’t want you being……well racist. That’s all. You understand?

Ma beagle: while that does make sense, A: what are you talking about? And B; who’s ma beagle? Im Bigtime beagle!

(He turns around to see A cube you big time beagle’s face, startling her)

Webby: what?

(Meanwhile, scrooge woke up in his red outfit in the middle of a white void where he finds Donald, beakly and other adults in duckberg, who are all dazed and confused.)

Scrooge: what the?

Donald: where are we?

Beakly: weren’t we at duckberg?

Man 1: are we dead?

Woman 1: is this purgatory?

Man 2: wheres my son?

Woman 2: wheres my baby?!

(Soon the confusing turned to worry as they all realized that their kids are missing, then a ghost duck with a outfit that looks like a magician appears in the middle of the panic site)

Ghost: oh no, I thought I got rid of the book.

Scrooge: who are you?

Ghost: oh my name! Right, I’m Quacky Houdini

Donald: say, aren’t you the best magician in duckberg from the 1920s?

Houdini: why yes it is, I was the best magician in all of Duckberg….untill I let a man punched me in the stomach after I told him I don’t feel pain which burst a hole in my small intestine, giving me peritonitis and dying in Halloween of 1926, bad idea there but some of my acts where real magic tricks!

Beakly: what? Aren’t magician’s acts just illusions.

Houdini: they were and mines were of course…..though some were more then illusions, long ago, in 1891, the first stage of my magic career wasn’t very successful as all my illusions there were really obvious, i was gonna quit magic for good…untill I found a odd little book called, “how to make actually magic for dummies” at first I thought it was a joke like wishing for a rabbit to come out of my hat. When i did, a rabbit appears on my hat, it was real! And I was enjoyed by this! It helped me in my magic career and I became the best magician in duckberg history! My famous acts were turning a lady from skinny to fat to skinny again, and making hundreds of hats to an audience! And both are successful!…..for a time,

Donald; wait, wasn’t your famous acts had you climbing to the surface after being buried 6 feet under and escaping a whales belly?

Houdini: yeah, because I wiped the actual 2 acts from everyone’s memories, 4 years later, my acts started to get more hostile and harmful, as my acts seemed to be permanent ranging from me cutting a lady and her not dieing to me turning a rich family’s life savings into birds, people thought I was using my fame to steal from them and ruin their lives as some form of a sick joke, I tried to look for a spell that reverses this but it wouldn’t, it turns out the book was forged by unholy witches and was only stopped when a witches sacrificed himself to end their horror. But I have awaken their power to the world, so I looked and looked and found a hidden message by the witcher, a wish that resets everything to normal ending the wish. I had to act, I wished for none of the horror that came in my 4 year career and do illusions as a magic act, and the horror was……gone, I still had a magic career but it’s without the book and my 2 acts are me being buried alive and being eaten by a whale, I noticed though that the magic book was still there, I threw the book out and buried it, hoping no one unleashes the horror it ensure ever again. Untill now.

Ma beagle: so how do we get outta here?!

Houdini: I need a couple of volunteers to come with me to earth to get to the wishers and unwish the wish and fast, since the wish has a side effect,

Ma beagle: what effect?

(She soon felt a little puffy)

Houdini: that effect.

(Ma beagle soon began to puff up and continued to do so and got bigger, bigger untill, BOOM! She exploded and it rained gray glitter with Ma beagle’s face in it)

Houdini: that’s gonna be all of the people here if we don’t unwish the wish soon!

(Scrooge, Donald and beakly grabbed Houdini’s hand as the other adults began to puff and explode into glitter at a alarming rate.)

(Meanwhile at earth,)

Webby: what’s happend?

Dewey: I’ll tell you what happend: you just gave kids adult jobs!

(He was right, as babies are are old men, kids have adult jobs and teens are teachers)

Webby: I can reverse this!

(The kids go home to get the book for a reverse spell, but webby ended up discovering a warning in the wish she casted that said “this wish can’t be finished by the wisher who wished it nor the wisher’s friends, only the ones unaffected by the wish could unwish it.)

The boys: well?

Webby: this is gonna be harder then i thought.

(Meanwhile the adults were looking for the kids but to no avail as it simply went like this)

Donald: Huey?

Random cube: David.

Beakly: Webby?

David: David!

Scrooge: Dewey?

David: DAVID!

houdini: are you….(whispers to Donald on the green sweaterd kid) Lewis?

(Donald facepalms himself as David leaves in frustration. Then…..)

Donald: (as he puffs up) oh no! Gonna explode!

Houdini: look out!

(The 3 duck before Donald etoniated into black powder)

Donald: aaaaaand it’s raining me.

(Scrooge gets a bag and scoops his nephew up)

Houndi: we must hurry before you 2 are next!

(Meanwhile)

Webby: ok. Great so how do we get their attention?

Dewey: we color ourselves in the color of our outfits!

(Huey immediately grabs a piece of paper and a crayon and draws a gray line)

Huey: everything here is a black and white painting that’s dull as a pillow box.

Louie: hey guys I made some Soufflé in case we get hungry!

(He presents the kids his souffle……which immediately deflated into a red color.)

Louie: Must’ve overheated it

(This spark an idea in webby’s head)

Webby: make more please! And overheat it cause I think i got it!

(30 minutes passed and the kids got 4 souffles colored in red,blue,green, and light purple)

Webby: now we just rub it in our body’s to make it obvious and well be normal in no time!

(The kids rubbed the multi colored souffles on themselves to give their outfit colors in. They head outside to call their relatives)

Dewey: uncle scrooge? it’s me Dewey! I’m right here and my body is blue.

Louie: Donald? It’s Louie and Huey! We are nearby hopefully and are colored red and green!

Webby; and I’m light purple granny! We’re right here!

(The cubes adult kids noticed this and were immediately peeved. By the sight of it.)

Person: Hey! Those people are colored differently……ITS NOT NORMAL!

woman: KILL THEM!!!

(the crowd begins to corner the kids for murder and as lucky as they can get, the adults heard them)

Scrooge: I hear them!

Beakly: I see a mob!

Houdini: hurry! I’ll bet the book!

(The 2 ran as they could to get to their kids as Houdini teleported to get the book just as the 2 began to puff and stretch)

Scrooge: not now! Why now?!

Beakly: we made it at least!

(Webby notices scrooge and beakly puffing and stretching about)

Webby: i see them!

Huey: hope they can be quick!

(Houdini comes in with the book gives it the scrooge and beakly who are about to pop simultaneously say)

Both: WE WISH THIS NEVER HAPPENED!!

(and a flash of light envelopes the whole city and when it disappeared, not only is Houdini gone, but the city’s kids are back to their original species with their parents again, but A: almost everyone has no memories of the events that just now happend and B: Donald is no longer black powder anymore)

Webby: phew!

Dewey: agree to never do that again Webby?

Webby: agreed!

The boys: good!

(Donald sees the magic book and throws it at a garbage truck before it closed its garbage door)

Donald: are you all ok?!

The kids: yes we are!

(They prompley hug Donald, then they hear a cough and see that both scrooge and beakly weren’t so luckey)

Donald: how did-

Scrooge; good timing.

Beakly: inevitable explosion.

(The end)

Artwork by: tanasweet123 Story by: josejr22

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wcoastboy · 3 years

Text

emptiness, lockdown and a broken heart

so I am one of these kids who idealize love (a lot), I mean I am a cancer for god’s sake and most of my chart is water sings - overwhelmingly similar to lana del rey’s I might add, perhaps that’s why I am very affected by anythings she produces? - and I feel a lot. I always think of some aspects, (physical, cultural, emotional) and some traits that I’d love for a future husband to have. I am very traditional in that sense - I suppose oddly so for someone in the lgbtq community - but as troye sivan’s music says, I really do see a “little house on the hill and children's names,” and I feel like even though lust is my one main cardinal sin (for life, for beauty, for wealth, for happiness, for beautiful young guys, for wine, for good food, and everything pretty, shiny and decadent), I am so very relationship oriented.

since my first boyfriend, which was 6 years ago, I never really felt strong romantic feelings towards anyone, in mid 2019 and even more so in 2020 during lockdown I started thinking that I had gone numb, I only lusted for pleasure, and yes I did want to connect with someone but it became very hard, especially because I had set some standards to a good and happy relationship which I suppose are not easily met. since that time in 2019 I would be complaning to my friends that I wanted a boyfriend and how annoyed I was by not finding anyone, was I reaching for the stars? in september 2020 I came back to beirut, for the summer semester and for a moment I was so very happy, still longing for a company who could adore me and be devout to loving me, but I had managed to be accepted into a double major program (a little harder than just one), got my first real job with something I love doing (related to restoration and preservation of national heritage/art/architecture), and paid fairly ok, I also was getting to learn much more arabic and going around nostalgic ancient ruins, ashtonishly beautiful mediterranean beaches, medieval churches and getting high with my friends watching he city lights of beirut skyline dancing in my eyes.

everythiNg seemed fIne, But I did keep complAining about not finding him. so my friend toLd me “stop looking, he’ll appear.” and though shallow advices bother me, I decided to wat. not a week after, on october 31st 2020, a halLOween night, I was with another friend on a call and a guy messages me on instragram, telling me my pictures were really pretty. one hour into the conVErsation he asked if he could see me, not to go anywhere or do anYthing, just see me. I then tOld him he was welcomed into my apartment, and half an hour later he was here, I opened the door to a gorgeoUs, blonde and blue eyes gemini, whose body was so pretty it made me a bit shy. (please keep in mind that where I live at the time, cases were very low, the country had dealt well with the pandemic until that point) and for 3 hours we talked, we discussed a myriad of personal philosophies (and btw, this is NOT how it works in the gay world), ranging from religion, academia, future plans, family, sexuality, and then yes, we kissed, and he had the most amazing kisses, so sweet-tasting, so tender, so passionate.

in that day, a day I was feeling so alone (no halloween parties in lockdown..), I was so fulfilled. I learned he is a successfull architect, family oriented, passionate lover, I wasnt, however, in love with him, I still thought of myself as someone looking for love, but eventually he managed to make me fall in love with him. he’d wake up earlier than me to send me good mornings and he’d go back to sleep, he’d write me poems, come at any point that I’d mentioned I missed him, bring me gifts, spoil me with love, car rides and favors, he poured his heart unto me. I was a bit scared tho, so I asked us to go slower, he didnt take it well at first but he agreed, we had this conversation three times, he would insist in buying gifts like gucci shoes or weekends in expesive skiing resorts - which I refused.

the day we had this conversation for the first time was a m a z i n g at the beginning, I went to a brunch with my architect boss and my work colleagues, collected my salary, went to the gym, came home, got some feedback on university papers (all very positive 90+ papers, which made me very happy as it showed me how capable I am in academia), and my date had invited me for dinner in a restaurant of my choice. I chose a small, traditional Italian restaurant up in the mountains from beirut (a lovely place), which he promtly made a reservation, and I went to get ready. at which point I called one of my best friends, and I just had this epiphany of feeling like a real adult in the first time in 20 years of my life. I truly did feel like I could conquer all? I was doing well at my job, even better at university, getting paid, professors enjoyed my company and invited me for talks, I was handling not one but two programs, I was in a good place with all my friends, I was in a steady pace gym-wise, I hard learned a lot about me and parts of my origin that semester too, I was falling in love with the middle east, and I had my man. a strong, well dressed, awfully good looking blondie who adored me and came to pick me up two hours later smelling so good with his cool sportscar. I felt very fulfilled, I was in awe that in 2020, a year that I had lost my grandfather and so many had perished was ending overwhelmingly well for me - until later that day.

after the restaurant - and the amazing food - we went around in the car, we made out and more, and eventually we had the third conversation, in which I still was not ready for full commitment (allow me to explain that me, a cancer, when engaging in a stable relationship will be very, very committed, and I couldnt jump in headstrong - as I had done before - within just a month), and simply like that, he dismissed me, left me, took me home and never saw me again. I talked to him the day after in which I told him it was unfair how he made me fall for him and he just leaves me at once. I became very numb, he did keep calling me and messaging me for a month after, asking how I felt and my plans for the winter holidays, asking me for a cooking hangout and whatnot. I was numb, I didnt fight for him or anything. I wish I had. because a month later I was in pain, heartbroken, struggling, hurting, and at that point he seemed to have healed from me, I tried patching things back but its not really working, and at this point, its preopably gonna stay like that.

the worst part is that I truly had become his friend? so I went through grieving in two different perspectives, the loss of a lover and the loss of a friend.

cut to february 2021, now the pandemic has worsened to some extent and I am under absolute lockdown, I am not emplyed as the work was short term, I can’t see my friends or go around exploring the scenery, there’s not gym and I lost a couple family memebers due to covid19 and cancer.

I used to deal pretty well with the lockdown, I am kept to myself, a few books and my mackbook go a long way, I can spend days in reclusion. I am also a pretty ok student and now....now nothing. I am hating this lockdown and it truly pains me to see that there are *weeks* left of it, I am not being able to focus as I usually do, I am not even very communicative these days (and I talk too much), its been very heard being heartbroken in a tiny apartment with me and me only, I’ve resorted to several activies so far but nothing seems really effective to be honest. I fear that he is really over me, and he is not even in the country as of now. everything seems so empty, I am not hurting as much as I was a few days ago, the weeks from january 17th to february 3rd were hell for me, now I suppose I can find some joy but the only thing i’d love to right now is lying my head in his chest.

the one good thing that came from all of this was the fact that because I was so sad, when I got the news that my uncle had died I got so, so sensitive that I ended up falling apart on the phone with my aunt and my sister, whose reaction to my story with him were unecpectedly sweet, both of them now are pretty open and understanding of my sexuality and I was very, very relived to open up to memebers of my family, my kin, my blood. (up until that point I had opened up only to friends).

and I suppose that now I know that I hadnt gone cold from love, it was just that I hadnt find the one. hopefully I’ll heal faster than my first break up, but it does pain me a lot, because you know these standards I had mentioned earlier? he fit very well in the majority of them.

#love #heartbreak #2021 #pandemic #upload #journal entry #lockdown #nostalgia

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sciencespies · 3 years

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Christmas Wasn't Always the Kid-Friendly Gift Extravaganza We Know Today

https://sciencespies.com/history/christmas-wasnt-always-the-kid-friendly-gift-extravaganza-we-know-today/

Christmas Wasn't Always the Kid-Friendly Gift Extravaganza We Know Today

There’s a special, even magical connection between children and the “most wonderful time of the year.” Their excitement, their belief, the joy they bring others have all become wrapped up in the Christmas spirit. Take the lyrics of classic songs like “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” “White Christmas,” or even the aptly titled “Christmas Is for Children” by country music legend Glen Campbell—these are just a few of the many pop culture offerings that cement the relationship between kids and Christmas. But it hasn’t always been this way, even though the holiday celebrates the Christ child’s birth. How kids got to the heart of Christmas has a lot to tell us about the hopes and needs of the modern grown-ups who put them there.

Until the late 18th century, Christmas was a boisterous affair, with roots in the pre-Christian Midwinter and Roman Saturnalia holidays. You’d find more along the lines of drunkenness, debauchery and raucous carousing at this time of year, especially from young men and the underclasses, than “silent night, holy night.” For example, in early forms of wassailing (the forerunner of neighborhood carol-singing) the poor could go into the homes of the rich, demanding the best to drink and eat in exchange for their goodwill. (Once you know this, you’ll never hear “Now bring us some figgy pudding” the same way again!)

But the boozy rowdiness of the season, together with its pagan roots, was so threatening to religious and political authorities that Christmas was discouraged and even banned in the 17th and 18th centuries. (These bans included the parliamentarians in mid-17th century England, and the Puritans in America’s New England in the 1620s—the “pilgrims” of Thanksgiving fame.) But then, as now, many ordinary people loved the holiday, making Christmas difficult to stamp out. So how did it transform from a period of misrule and mischief into the domestic, socially manageable and economically profitable season that we know today? This is where the children come in.

Until the late 18th century, the Western world saw children as bearers of natural sinfulness that needed to be disciplined toward goodness. But as Romantic ideals about childhood innocence took hold, children (specifically, white children) became seen as the precious, innocent keepers of enchantment that we recognize today, understood as deserving protection and living through a distinct phase of life.

This is also the time when Christmas began to transform in ways that churches and governments found more acceptable, into a family-centered holiday. We can see this in the peaceful, child-focused carols that emerged in the 19th century, like “Silent Night,” “What Child Is This?,” and “Away in a Manger.” But all the previous energy and excess of the season didn’t just disappear. Instead, where once it brought together rich and poor, dominant and dependent according to old feudal organizations of power, new traditions shifted the focus of yuletide generosity from the local underclasses to one’s own children.

Meanwhile, the newly accepted “magic” of childhood meant that a child-centered Christmas could echo the old holiday’s topsy-turvy logic while also serving the new industrializing economy. By making one’s own children the focus of the holiday, the seasonal reversal becomes less nakedly about social power (with the poor making demands on the rich) and more about allowing adults to take a childlike break from the rationalism, cynicism and workaday economy of the rest of the year.

Social anthropologist Adam Kuper describes how the modern Christmas “constructs an alternate reality,” beginning with rearranged social relations at work in the run-up to the holiday (think office parties, secret Santas, toy drives and more) and culminating in a complete shift to the celebrating home, made sacred with decked halls, indulgent treats and loved ones gathered together. During this season, adults can psychologically share in the enchanted spaces we now associate with childhood, and carry the fruits of that experience back to the grind of everyday life when it starts up again after the New Year.

This temporary opportunity for adults to immerse themselves in the un-modern pleasures of enchantment, nostalgia for the past and unproductive enjoyment is why it’s so important that kids fully participate in the magic of Christmas. The Western understanding of childhood today expects young people to hold open spaces of magical potential for adults through their literature, media, and beliefs. This shared assumption is evident in the explosion of children’s fantasy set in medieval-looking worlds over past century, which was the focus of my recent book, Re-Enchanted (where I discuss Narnia, Middle-earth, Harry Potter and more). Christmas or Yule appear in many of these modern fairy stories, and sometimes even play a central role—think Father Christmas gifting the Pevensie children weapons in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe—using the holiday as a bridge between the magical otherworlds of fiction and our real-world season of possibility.

Beyond storytelling, we also literally encourage kids to believe in magic at Christmas. One of the most iconic expressions this is an 1897 editorial in the New York Sun titled “Is There a Santa Claus?” In it, editor Francis Pharcellus Church replies to a letter from 8-year-old Virgina O’Hanlon with the now-famous phrase “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,” and describes her friends’ disbelief as coming from the “skepticism of a skeptical age.” Church argues that Santa “exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist,” minimizing the methods of scientific inquiry to claim that “[t]he most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see.”

Many of the arguments for the importance of the arts and humanities that we still hear today can be found in Church’s language, which identifies sources of emotional experience like “faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance”—and belief in Santa Claus—as crucial to a humane and fully lived life. According to this mindset, Santa not only exists, but belongs to the only “real and abiding” thing in “all this world.” “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,” as it has come to be known, has been reprinted and adapted across media forms since its publication, including as part of holiday TV specials and as the inspiration for Macy’s department store’s “Believe” charity and advertising campaign since 2008.

The fact that the sentiments in this editorial have come to be associated with a major retailer may seem ironic. Yet, calls to reject consumerism at Christmas have been around ever since it became a commercial extravaganza in the early 19th century, which is also when buying presents for kids became a key part of the holiday. How to explain this? Today, just as in premodern Christmases, overturning norms during this special time helps to strengthen those same norms for the rest of the year. The Santa myth not only gives kids a reason to profess the reassuring belief that magic is still out there in our disenchanted-looking world, it also transforms holiday purchases from expensive obligations into timeless symbols of love and enchantment. As historian Stephen Nissenbaum puts it, from the beginning of Santa Claus’s popularization, he “represented an old-fashioned Christmas, a ritual so old that it was, in essence, beyond history, and thus outside the commercial marketplace.” Kids’ joyful wonder at finding presents from Santa on Christmas morning does more than give adults a taste of magic, it also makes our lavish holiday spending feel worthwhile, connecting us to a deep, timeless past—all while fueling the yearly injection of funds into the modern economy.

Does knowing all this ruin the magic of Christmas? Cultural analysis doesn’t have to be a Scrooge-like activity. To the contrary, it gives us the tools to create a holiday more in line with our beliefs. I’ve always found the way we abandon kids to deal with the discovery that “Santa isn’t real” on their own—or even expect them to hide it, for fear of disappointing adults that want to get one more hit of secondhand enchantment—unethical and counter to the spirit of the season. The song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” is supposed to be funny, but it captures shades of the real anxiety many kids go through every year. Knowing what children and their belief do for society during the holidays can help us choose a better approach.

A couple of years ago I saw a suggestion floating around on the internet that I think offers an ideal solution for those who celebrate Christmas. When a child starts questioning the Santa myth and seems old enough to understand, take them aside and, with utmost seriousness, induct them into the big grown-up secret: Now THEY are Santa. Tell the child that they have the power to make wishes come true, to fill the world with magic for others, and as a result, for us all. Then help them pick a sibling or friend, or better yet, look outside the family circle to find a neighbor or person in need for whom they can secretly “be” Santa Claus, and let them discover the enchantment of bringing uncredited joy to someone else. As Francis Pharcellus Church wrote to Virginia O’Hanlon more than 100 years ago, the unseeable values of “love and generosity and devotion” are in some ways the “most real things in the world,” and that seems like something that all kids —whether they’re age 2 or 92—can believe in.

Maria Sachiko Cecire is an associate professor of literature and the director of the Center for Experimental Humanities at Bard College. This essay has been adapted from material published in her recent book, Re-Enchanted: The Rise of Children’s Fantasy Literature.

#History

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sammlethal · 3 years

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Anyone ever tell you that they do not love you? At that point when you have stars in your eyes and that person fills your heart to bursting? Have you ever given someone every single emotion there is to give? From rage to tears of joy? Emotions from both your personal stock and theirs?

Its like we live in a time period where actual love is dead. Everything is selfish. Everyone. Me included.

My father quit on me. Packed all mine and my siblings belongings into small plastic shopping bags and dropped us off 6 hours away in my mothers neighborhood, not sure which house was hers. I had to hold my brother and sister's hands while knocking door to door, looking for my mom. I was 12.

That was a couple years after the era of beatings, after the era of divorce. After that Friday afternoon day at school; my mother was the school bus driver before the divorce. Everyday we rode home with her. Until my father picked us all up. It was fun for us kids. We NEVER got picked up, and by our father! What a thing! He drove us to our pastors house. We did not see our mother again for almost 5 years. In the State of Virgina, in the late 90s, it wasnt considered kidnapping for a biological parent to take off with the kids if they stay within state lines. And my mother must have given up after that. I imagine the evil that was my real father, and how crushed and scared she must have been. Only now do I know what it is she felt.

That was after the molestation of me and my sister by our God father/Sunday school teacher/the churches singing coach.

Then there was my first love. I was 17. She was 16. By 19 we had a daughter, her name is Serenity. My ex was a freak. My demanded things from me that I could not give her, not physically. So in order to keep her and my kid, I let her have her satisfaction and pleasure.

I guess someone screwed her over because she fabricated these fake police reports about a guy who kept coming after her and she said she called the cops over and over and he wouldnt leave her alone (she was 6 months preggo when this happened) and she didnt feel safe and I beat him up. I beat him up bad. Almost killed him. Turns out she lied and he had been paying her for preggo nude flicks and videos amd she felt he still owed her money. So she used my insecurities and my nature and set me on a course that led me to 5 years in prison. Then she left me. Yeah I know. I'm a fucking idiot. My only defense was that i was young and dumb and in love. Or so I thought. No really...i thought it was the right thing. That I was protecting my small, new family. And damnit man, family means the world to me. Probably because mine has been so fucked up lol.

Anyways I get out in 2015 and I meet a girl. She rocks my world in all new was and we CLICK. Like...humor and taste and the world issues we care about and nerdy things and the SEX IS ON FIRE. And I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I broke her heart. I got drunk. I started the road to becoming my biological father.

Then she left me. Which was biggest, greatest thing she could have ever done for me. I went spiraling out of control and ended up living in the woods.

Until she calls me one day. I had a new girlfriend. We did not CLICK lol...and as soon as me and her spoke I turned to that girl and told her we were not gonna work out.

You see. Me and my lady had a son together. A beautiful, handsome as hell and adorable baby boy. And he really became my world. I walked 7 miles to meet him. My feet had popped blisters by the time I got downtown and saw them. The whole time I'm walking I'm hopping she didnt leave. That she would wait. And she did.

Then I messed up again. I scared her. That time between when we broke up and when she came back...i did not do good. I found cocaine and alcohol and it led to a very big fight between the two of us. That night we fought I have never been more like my father than right then and there. And I payed for it. The next morning I was arrested. No one thought of rehab. No one had the sight to see the root of the issues. Or no one cared. It was back to prison for me. A parole violation.

I got out. We tried again. I failed again. Only this time nothing horribly bad had happened. She just wanted an escape. I know this because she has since told me so. That she wasn't IN LOVE with me and needed an escape. We had been split up almost a week. I will never forget. It started on a Wednesday night, I left and went to my mothers. That following Sunday the police beat down the door and arrested me AGAIN. Only this time nothing bad had happened. Not really. She just didnt want to be with me. And so she sent me away. For two more years. 2!

I get out. I find peace finally. I start taking care of mental health.

She comes back! Again! And once again I leave my girlfriend at the time, who by the way, had a heart of gold and did not deserve to get caught up in mine and my lovers drama. I will forever feel guilty about that and I hope she forgives me over time. But at the end...no one can replace my son's Mother. She is my other half. My best friend.

We've been going since April? May? It had been a few years and I had just gotten out a few months before and the Covid just hit so I was trying to get the family court papers started. I got in touch with a private detective to find her so I could have her served. The the last thing I expected was to get a call from her.

And here we are. I am struggling to learn all the important, fundamental life lessons that my parents failed to teach me. I am struggling to learn those crucial relationship lessons we learn when in our twenties...that era of my life that was spent locked away.

All i want is my family. Is to be loved. And to ve able to return that love. My life could have went a few different ways. But here I am, doing the right things as much as I see them. I beat myself up when I fail. I work hard doing general construction. I'm good at it too. I start school in the spring. Nothing fancy just community college. I am an awesome dad. An awesome lover. And I have a huge heart.

ALMOST every single day I am with my little family. My son's Mother and my son. She doesnt want me to move in...which I understand. She claims to be an introvert. Which I also understand. (Along with beating, my childhood was also spent locked in my room, grounded, for days on days on days).

And dont get it wrong. Me and her have some issues. Mine (I think?) are just basic life things I'm trying to wrap my head around, like I said, the things my parents failed me on. But at least I know that. I admit it. And I'm trying. Because I'm a good man who has been through hell and because of that hell, I love with a feirceness, I don't give up. I am patient. And I generally have a positive outlook on life. I would I am doing good, all things considered. Her issues? Jesus fucking Christ. You would swear the world is ending right now.

She is constantly breaking up with me. For example, this weekend I gave it to her in a way neither of us have had...im talking sex here...we both have this...fetish, both of us (how rare?) And we both click when we do these things. Anyways I left her empty of all juices. Then I massaged her a little that night, telling her how good and amazing she is. Then another nice massage a day or so later. She thanked me after the last one (massage I mean)...saying how her back didnt hurt in the morning and how she got her yoga done.

And now we are broken up. Right now. Again. It was last week when it happened. She calls me on Wednesday or Thursday and says that I got in her head. Then this awesome weekend happens. Then an awesome start to the week. Then tuesday, doing construction, I think i pulled something in my leg or gave myself a small hernia, because after work I was in pain and sore. I asked told her I wanted to stay home. Rest up. That the next day we were supposed to start this big window replacement job. 20 something windows. But no. We argued over it. I dont know why. I think she just really missed me. Or so I thought. And said she needed help with our son. She always says that, then when i get there and dinner is over, the rest of her night is spent on her phone (which she is sneaky with), on the TV, or MAYBE catching up on homework. Says she is tired after a long day of working from home, on the phone and computer. Doing IT. But I do physical labor. And if I complain that I am sore or tired she just thinks i want to sit at home on my PlayStation or watching netflix, instead of taking the responsibility to be there for our son. Which remember, I am ALWAYS THERE. Unless she has decided that I am horrible, in which case she breaks up with me, and I spend the next couple of days hurt and crying and missing my family. I can not move in with her and my son. She does not want her family to know. (My mother told me she would disown me if me and her got back together. But it did not stop me. Because i am a man, and she is my woman. He is my son. And this is my life)....and is so stressed and anxious that will find me over there. I have actually, more than once, had to run and hide because her family popped up.

So yeah, I walk over there. This was Tuesday. The day when I think I pulled a muscle. I walked. She says that the only reason I walked was because she had to yell at me. But man...see these text. You would swear I am the world's largest dick head. In reality she said all these things in front of my son. That night I touched her. Massaged her just a little...soft touches. We made love. I woke up throughout the night with leg cramps. Woke up the next morning so tired from lack of sleep and hurting leg muscles. Called the doctor. Had to miss work. Turns out that yep, I gave myself a small hernia. Then WALKED on it lol.

So when we talked yesterday. I told her that the doc is pretty sure I have a hernia...my appointment was today and yes...yes I do have a little hernia. Doc wants me to rest but I'm pretty sure I have to work. Anyways so yesterday, before she picks our boy up from daycare (by the way, kuddos to you moms who work from home AND have kids to deal with at the same time. You girls are superheros!)...which I agree with daycare. He is an only child and he needs interaction with other kids. It's important for his development. Anywho, she ask me before picking him up if I want to come over. I tell her no, tell her what the doc said. By this point I have been there everyday since Friday. While on parole and breaking cerfew and worried about that. (Which I got questioned on. If I didnt worry about parole before, why now? And I dunno. Thats way of anxiety? But good thing I did because he came by this morning and I was here. Had I been there with her, I would have been here and would be on my way to a big ole parole violation. But no. In her eyes I dont do enough. I have to be there every day, no matter if I'm sick or sore or in pain. That is what she said. That a real parent never quits.

I'm just so confused. I didnt quit. He can come over here to my place whenever he wants. Ive told her this. I have told him that. Of all nights for the two of us to stay at our respective homes, last night was it. I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN AND CAN BARELY MOVE.

But she broke up with me again last night. Or better yet, said that we have been broken up. She said she doenst love me anymore.

How? Literally all we do is laugh. Have amazing sex. We are awesome parents. I literally dote on her. Massage her. Touch her softly. Like for real, I EMPTIED her of all juices, have seen her cry...actually cry, from pleasure. She makes 50x more money than I do, but I still give her money because I don't want to feel like a burden.

I dont get it. I really don't. I give the shirt off my back. Gave myself a hernia. All I want is belong to a family that doesn't quit when the anxiety comes. Who doesnt take a lifetime of anxiety and stress and then blame it on someone else simply because they are what is in front of you at the moment.

How can someone be so smart and not see that? Or not want to?

Its 2020. We live in a world that encourages us to lie to ourselves. To lie to ourselves about our nature. We all believe we are good. Harmless people. Who would never hurt anyone or cause ill will. What we fail to see is that yes, we do cause all of these things, and then some. We are not perfect. We are human. We will hurt other people. We will lie. The great tragedy of the world isnt this in and of itself...these different hurts and heart aches are as old as humanity is....war, peace. Love and hate. The great tragedy is that we have been led to believe that we are beyond that, that we good, perfect people. And so when we do hurt others, its not our faults but theirs because how can I, this wonderful human being in the modern age, ever hurt someone? I have a car, a job, I'm a good parent. I'm a good boss. Whatever it is. We justify who we are by our level of success. And this is wrong.

And when she ask me why I love her after everything. Those moments when we both see the truth and see who we are, those are the moments when she ask me how I'm the world I can actually love her knowing all this. Dealing with all this. How? And I dont have the answer. I just know that my heart beats for the two of them (her and my boy) and it always will and I really hope one day she comes around. I'm waiting for that.

Some men find that one lady, that one lover, and there is nothing else after her that we want. She has it all. And that is me. That is her.

I love you

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themoneybuff-blog · 5 years

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Why financial literacy fails (and what to do about it)

April is Financial Literacy Month in the United States. This is a pure and noble thing. I think it's great that there's one month each year devoted to promoting smart money habits. That said, it has become increasingly apparent over the years that most financial literacy programs fail. They don't work. And this isn't just me speaking anecdotally. In a 2014 paper from Management Science, three researchers conducted a meta-analysis of 201 prior studies regarding the efficacy of financial literacy. Their conclusion? Interventions to improve financial literacy explain only 0.1% of the variance in financial behaviors studied, with weaker effects in low-income samples. Like other education, financial education decays over time; even large interventions with many hours of instruction have negligible effects on behavior 20 months or more from the time of intervention. To put it in plain English, financial literacy education makes no discernible difference in behavior. People who take personal-finance classes manage their money no better (and no worse) than the general population. We're pumping tons of money and time into a fruitless endeavor. All of this push to promote financial literacy accomplishes nothing. Zero. Nada. Why is that?

It probably won't surprise you to learn that I have some strong opinions on this subject. Today, let's talk about why financial literacy fails (and what to do about it). Note: This afternoon (April 24th) at 4 p.m. Pacific (7 p.m. Eastern), I'll be part of a Facebook Live interview about this very subject. If you're free at that time, you should join us! Update: Here's the entire interview. Why Financial Literacy Fails Financial literacy fails because it almost universally addresses only one part of the problem: math and mechanics. FinLit (as it's sometimes called) focuses on facts and figures while largely ignoring behavior. This is insane. This is like promoting sex education that talks about penises and vaginas while never discussing what it's like to be madly in love with somebody, so in love that your brain stops working. For sex education to be effective, it has to deal with real-world circumstances and behavior. It has to teach about psychology and emotions, not just body parts. The same is true with financial literacy. In fact, the same is true with actual literacy. The National Assessment of Adult Literacy says that working literacy has two components. The operational piece of literacy focuses solely on knowledge. It involves word-level reading skills such as recognizing words.The conceptual piece of literacy focuses on everyday tasks: Literacy is the ability to use printed and written information to function in society, to achieve one's goals, and to develop one's knowledge and potential. The first part of literacy is about mechanics. The second part is about practical application. Modern financial literacy efforts spend nearly all of their time on the knowledge piece. I've reviewed maybe a dozen FinLit programs over the years. Most pay no more than lip service to behavior, to the conceptual piece of financial literacy. Let me give you an example from my own life. When I was in high school (w-a-y back in the mid-1980s), every senior in our district was required to pass a class in personal finance. It covered topics like compound interest, the Federal Reserve, how to write a check, and the dangers of credit cards. I took that class. I aced every test. And five years later, I had the beginnings of a debt habit. I'd mastered the knowledge but not he behavior. The behavior was never taught. From what I can tell, the kids from my high school grew up to be no different than the rest of Americans. We learned the basics of financial literacy, but it had no perceivable impact on the way we saved and spent and earned. We still made stupid mistakes. We still spent more than we earned. Why? Because facts and figurs are only one-half of financial literacy. (And I'd argue they aren't even the most important half.) The solution to financial literacy isn't to feed people more facts and figures. It isn't to teach them how bonds work or to explain the sheer awesomeness of a Roth IRA. If we want to boost financial literacy in the United States, what we really need to promote is behavioral education. Behavioral Finance Personal finance is simple. Fundamentally, you need to know only one thing: To build wealth, you must spend less than you earn. The end. That's it. We can all go home now. Everything else simply builds on this. Why, then, is it so hard for everyone to get ahead? For some people, the problem is systemic. There's no doubt that some people are trapped in a cycle of poverty, and they truly need outside help to overcome the obstacles they face. But for most of us, the issue is internal: The problem is us. In other words, I am the reason that I can't get ahead. And you are the reason that you can't get ahead. It's not a lack of knowledge about compounding and credit cards that holds us back, but a chain of bad behavior. The math and mechanics of personal finance are easy. It's the psychological side of money that's hard. One of the key tenets of this site is that money is more about mind than it is about math. That is, our financial success isn't determined by how smart we are with numbers, but how well we're able to control our emotions our wants and desires. There's actually a branch of economics called behavioral finance devoted exclusively to this phenomenon, exploring the interplay between economic theory and psychological reality. There's a new wave of folks who are exploring the gamification of personal finance; they're trying to turn money management into a game. More and more, experts are seeing that our economic decisions aren't based on logic, but on emotion and desire. It's time that financial literacy programs incorporated these new(-ish) approaches into their curriculum. For years, I struggled with money. I knew the math, but I still couldnt seem to defeat debt. It wasnt until I started applying psychology to the situation that I was able to make changes. For instance, I used the debt snowball to pay down my debt in an illogical yet psychologically satisfying way. It worked. And Ive learned that by having financial goals such as travel Im much more inclined to save than if I have no goals at all. Behavioral Literacy

To me, the answer to our country's crazed consumerism and poor financial skills has nothing to do with traditional financial literacy. (Okay, maybe it has a little to do with traditional financial literacy.) Instead, I see two fundamental problems that need to be addressed. First, we soak in a bath of the mass media. We're constantly exposed to a barrage of programming in which we're given subtle messages about what people do (or should) consume. We cannot help but be influenced by the power of marketing. (I've talked to many people who think they're immune to marketing. I just shake my head and think, You, my friend, are the most influenced of all.)Secondly, we don't think about our spending. We spend on impulse. Or we spend to subconsciously keep up with our family and friends to keep up with the Joneses. We spend to make ourselves feel better when we're down and blue. We spend to show off. We spend on things we think we want instead of the things we actually use and do. We spend because spending is a habit. Instead of teaching Americans about credit cards and rates of return, we need to be teaching them about behavioral finance. We need to be showing them how to break free from the marketing messages that are all around. We need to be showing them how to set (and achieve) personal goals, especially financial goals. We need to teach skills like conscious spending. There's a reason that my core message doesn't start with math and mechanics. It starts by asking people to think about their goals and purpose. This is the piece of financial education that's missing in our society. This is what financial literacy education ought to be teaching. Note: For a clear demonstration of how I'd approach financial literacy if I were to design a program, check out my Money Boss Manifesto. It's a free ebook that outlines the financial philosophy I've developed after nearly fifteen years of reading and writing about money. The Bottom Line Sometimes people wonder why we don't spend more time on the nitty gritty of money around here. Why we don't cover more topics like where to find the best credit cards or how to create a budget? It's because deep inside, I believe these things are secondary. I believe behavior is more important. Building a better budget isn't going to change your attitude toward saving and spending; but changing you attitude toward saving and spending could very well lead you to building a better budget. Ultimately, if we want Americans to be smarter with their money, we need to encourage them to consume less media to avoid advertising and we need to teach them to master the emotional side of personal finance. We need to show them how to change their behavior. We need to appeal to their self-interest. We need to help them find intrinsic motivation to save. Each of us needs to dig deep inside to find what it is that's important to us, what it is that brings us joy, and we need to prioritize that instead of all the other garbage. I'm not suggesting that we abandon traditional financial literacy completely. But I think a constant push for more financial education is a waste of time if it's only going to focus on mechanics, to stick to facts and figures. To truly be successful, financial education has to address the behavioral side of money because that is absolutely the biggest piece of the puzzle.

Author: J.D. Roth In 2006, J.D. founded Get Rich Slowly to document his quest to get out of debt. Over time, he learned how to save and how to invest. Today, he's managed to reach early retirement! He wants to help you master your money and your life. No scams. No gimmicks. Just smart money advice to help you reach your goals. https://www.getrichslowly.org/why-financial-literacy-fails-and-what-to-do-about-it/

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