#tbh i didn't even know we have tumblr live
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So I've been listening to The Magnus Protocol, and managed to get my dad into TMA last year so he's now listening to Mag Protocol too. So last night we were listening in the car to the latest statement, and I was half-jokingly saying which fear the statement sounded like mostly, to which my dad starts talking about how he doesn't think these statements and the O.A.I.R are connected to the Fears at all. I'm gonna try to put a cut for anyone not caught up but here's how this led to a theory of mine:
So Lena said to Gwen that there's good and bad forces that need to be balanced, but she never said which side of that the O.A.I.R. is part of, if any. I was noting this when it hit me.
Every single Magnus Protocol Statement so far has been about misfortune coming around due to perceived fortune or a fortunate opportunity becoming misfortune.
Let's break this down ep by ep so you see what I mean.
Episode One: It's a little hard to figure out what the fortune is to the misfortune, especially since it's mostly getting us used to the characters and the overall setup of the show, but for the first statement I think it's not the statement giver, but the husband. Harriet (the one emailing) says he sounded excited in an unsettling way (I am assuming the "he" she is talking about is her husband since she doesn't mention anyone else). When she meets him, or what has him, she describes that he laughed and laughed. Her misfortune was his fortune, his joy.
The second statement in that episode of course is about the Institute, but by way of a bunch of spelunkers looking for something intriguing to discuss. I haven't quite figured out the connection here but I am sure there is one, even if it's through the characters (aka Sam) finding something within it.
Two: A lot easier to connect to this. Daria is finding joy through getting this tattoo that allows her to change how she looks and alter her appearance immensely (and grotesquely). Enough said.
Three: This statement is one that overall I just don't understand tbh, but I think it shows the opposite? As in the victim is experiencing fear and discomfort the entire time, but towards the end you'll notice he gets much more happy and calm about the situation.
Four: This is again easy, it's about a violin that needs blood but will give you amazing talent if you pay that price, and horrible bloodshed if you don't. Self-explanatory.
Five: The guy is trying to make a living off watching and reviewing horror movies, gets excited at a live showing of one just for him, then realizes it's not what it seems and posts everyone should see it. Easy enough. (Very Grifter's Bone in energy)
Six: The introduction to infamous new tumblr sexyman, Needles. I shouldn't have to spell out how he gets pleasure from others in pain by needles.
Seven: All I gotta say is it's "all for a good cause" and you should get the picture.
Eight: Utilizes that uncanny fear of false hospitality if you ask me, but either way this statement is clearly taking something associated often as comforting and twisting it.
Nine: The dice literally affect fortune and misfortune and likely make the statement giver into the embodiment of fortune. 'Nuff said.
Ten: Bonzo needs no explanation for this in his introductory episode so let's move on.
Eleven: This one goes more into obsession territory than anything, which is another running theme of the show and another theory, but it also talks about how the sea brings comfort so that could be part of it. (Also I noticed the sneaky possibly Dr. David reference in there lol)
Twelve: Now I know what you're gonna say, "How is this one connected to fortune at all, Cal? It's about some woman being traumatized at a strip club!" Well think about this: what if it wasn't supposed to end in Bonzo? Gwen gave Bonzo an "assignment," didn't she? And Lena pretty much outright says that this statement was that assignment. So it's possible this is what happened after stopping the initial outcome.
Thirteen: The latest episode as of typing this, and the most clear with evidence. The man literally gains a fortune from his own misfortune, so ya know it's right there.
So every statement is a good thing turned bad or a bad thing turned good. So what? Magnus Archives had plenty of statements similarly framed, so why am I focusing on it here?
Because what is the tagline for Magnus Protocol again?
Fear takes many forms.
#the magnus archives#the magnus protocol#magpod#tmagp#tmagp spoilers#tmagp theory#alexander j newall#jonny sims#tmagp needles#tmagp mr bonzo#magnus archives#the magnus institute#podcast stuff#the magnus pod#magnus protocol#someone please tell me I'm not crazy#cause i swear im onto something here#we'll see i guess#but if im right im coming back to this and saying i told you so
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Hello! I've been inactive due to the current events in the mcyt community, but I've been keeping up with the qsmp admin situation and I thought I'd share some opinions because the amount of doomposting I've seen the last few weeks has been more than I've seen in any fandom in a while and I feel like it's reached the point where people really need to chill the fuck out because they're not thinking straight and actively not helping. Everything I'm gonna say is based on stuff I've seen on both tumblr and twitter.
they should not promote/release merch! : one of the things that baffles me the most tbh; how do you expect any employee to be payed then? Merch is so far the only big source of income for the server besides q's own cc salary or whatever income they get through the official qsmp channel on twitch and youtube (which I don't think is a lot). "I get that they said they have no funds, but still it doesn't feel right"... sorry but at this point I don't know what to tell you, do you expect them to pull money out of their asses? You can't demand that they stop making merch and then complain that they can't afford the twitter admins at the same time. If you don't feel comfortable buying anything from them it's fine obviously, but if your reason for it is that you're helping the admins then I have bad news for you. I have seen people propose that quackity sets up a patreon, and while I think it would be a good idea, I understand why he's not doing it, since with the merch he can at least give something back to the people that choose to support his project instead of people just giving him money for free, especially with what's happening now. Also with how much hate he's been receiving simply for the merch I can't imagine that a patreon would be recieved well.
we don't know if the money is going to the admins/ they should not use pomme's likeness! : the money is definitely going to go to the employees and admins because otherwise the server would not last. And as much as I understand people feeling protective over pomme's admin, quackity studios is very much allowed to sell merch of the character because it is not the likeness of the admin, it's a minecraft model made by the people that work there. Would you have rathered they skip her character entirely? Do you really think that would have been okay?. Also correct me if I'm wrong, but I've seen posts and tweets saying that pomme's admin has been confirmed to come back with the other eggs whenever it happens by pierre, who talked with her admin.
the admins of the update accounts got fired, it means they want to fire everyone, they aren't making things better! : it sucks that the updates accounts had to end and I feel bad for every twitter admin that clearly cared a lot about the project, but unfortunately it had to happen if there simply isn't enough money to pay them adequately like they deserved and ultimately the update accounts were not essential to keep the project going, so it makes sense that they were let go unfortunately. This is not gonna be the case for the egg admins because if they got fired (which they didn't), the server would basically end. Just because a cc does not know when they will be back does not mean it's not gonna happen. Just because tubbo randomly said that he's not sure if they will be back does not mean they were fired; tubbo is normally not a reliable source of information, even less so when he's been live nonstop for the past 20 days, which is prior to everything happening. If you genuinely didn't expect a reduction in non essential staff considering everything, then you have unreasonable expectations on how this stuff goes. As I write this, I'm seeing people saying that "they would understand this decision if q had set up a patreon to pay the admins", and once again I don't understand how people don't realize why quackity might not be keen on the idea of having his fans pay his own employees for his own project instead of, you know, doing it himself; and, again, do not fool yourself into thinking it would be recieved well. That being said, it's fair to criticize how everything was communicated to the admins, but I'll get to this in more detail later.
quackity should not have uninstalled social media, he's trying to avoid everything! : he's not avoiding anything, he's been off social media for a while now, which is why it took him that long to remove wilbur from the server. He has every right to not want to look at social media, as his focus should be on restructuring his server instead of doomscrolling on twitter because people think he needs to see how much people dislike him. The only people that he should talk to are those that have important information to tell him, like josè with the document. He explicitly said on stream where to contact him if you have helpful information and I'm sure that despite multiple well liked posts saying not to spam his email, people are definitely doing it anyway, which is probably gonna slow the whole thing down even more. I hope josè's document is able to be seen with pierre's help as well.
quackity studios is not communicating with their employees and leaving them in the dark and that's not okay : I agree with this. i think a huge chunk of doomposting lately has been due the lack of communication not with the audience, but with the admins, and they deserve to know what is happening behind the scenes more then us since this is about their current or future job.... that being said, I do kind of understand why they're being so secretive and shutting everyone out, and that's due to all the "leaks" that have been spread online. I understand the anger but I really wish some people would realize that discussing leaked bts lore stuff in ccs discord servers does not help the situation at all and instead makes it seem like they're only doing this to rile up the fandom against quackity studios by using the lore of people's fav characters.
At the end of the day, I think people just aren't used to dealing with a situation that does not have a clear cut solution and someone to clearly hate, so the result is this doomposting and the over aggressiveness toward anything related to the project. Personally, I haven't witnessed anything that made me lose faith in the qsmp like some people have been saying, as every change that we've seen so far coincides with what quackity said on stream a while ago. I only wish things were communicated properly to the admins clearly, as they're the ones most affected, so I hope that's resolved soon. Ultimately quackity is singlehandedly restructuring the server from basically zero, has had to fire people that were misusing money and power and, depending on what josè's document said, is probably gonna have to fire some more. This is not an easy process, nor a quick one, you're not gonna hear about sunshine and rainbows for a while and doomposting about everything you hear because you expected quick change is useless. Think before you speak, have a clear head and most importantly have empathy.
#I have anons turned off btw#qsmp#qsmp discourse#qsmp admins#qadmin situation#qsmp critical#qsmp fandom critical
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here's a wild one for y'all. cw for parental death. names have been changed, it is a kinda specific situation but I think only 1 of my family members is on Tumblr so whatever. sorry it got so long, it's a complicated situation and still VERY fresh so my brain is kinda fried lol.
tldr my dad passed away without a will and we want to give his long-distance "side" gf the house he helped her buy. I'm worried she won't be able to afford the mortgage, but don't really want to give her any of the monetary payouts. WIBTA if my brothers and I kept all of the cash?
so late last week (it's Dec 19 as of submitting) my father (60s M) passed away in a sudden car accident on his way to work. I'm (late 20s ftM) his oldest child, I also have a younger brother (mid 20s M) who we'll call Phineas and an even younger half-brother (almost tween, M) who we'll call Aaron.
so I'd describe my dad as a kind and loving but stubborn and stupid man. I would also guess, based on what I know of his love life, that he was polyamorous but didn't realize it due to his conservative Christian upbringing and didn't know it was an option so instead ended up being...well, kinda an adulterer tbh. this isn't to excuse his actual actions bc they were obviously wrong, but is the way the situation reads to me, a polyamorous person.
Dad had a long distance girlfriend (50s??? maybe??? F) on the West Coast (we live near the East Coast), we'll call her Melody. I met her a few years back when he flew Phineas and I with him to visit her. she's a sweet woman from what I know of her. when I got the news of his passing, I was the one who called her to let her know what happened. (which sucked.)
well, what I Didn't know until I was trying to scrape together travel arrangements (I live 5 hours away from Phineas and my dad) was that he also had a Wife (60sF), who we'll call Patricia. (it wasn't a legal marriage, it was "in the eyes of the Lord" as they said, due to legal complications to do with her social security benefits or something. which is why the arrangements for his death fell onto Phineas and I as his adult children. but if he called her his wife then as far as I'm concerned that's what she is.) he didn't really tell me or Phineas about the full nature of their relationship. Phineas found out bc our dad was spending so much time with her that he'd practically moved in w her, put two and two together and asked her to confirm. I never even knew she existed till all this happened. he had told his parents and siblings about her, and they approved of her. we can only speculate why he kept it so quiet to us, she thinks bc of his history with Real Duds that we'd be upset somehow. idk.
so anyway Patricia knew about Melody. my dad was already seeing Melody when he started seeing Patricia. I don't know what he was thinking when he got with Patricia tbh, can't ask him now anyway, but she knew about Melody the whole time. wasn't thrilled about it, constantly told him he needed to tell her the truth and end things, but doesn't truly hold that against Melody herself bc she didn't know.
Melody, however, did not know about Patricia. he was planning to tell her at some point. kept meaning to. still loved her, didn't wanna hurt her, but was also trying to be monogamously committed to Patricia too. he never got around to actually ending things with Melody before he passed, and as far as she knew he was still planning to move out there and get married to her. he even took out a loan to help her pay for her late mother's house, both their names are on the mortgage and deed.
which brings me to my question. my dad didn't seem to have a will (not that we can find anyway), so Phineas and I are the ones in charge of distributing his various belongings and payouts and such. we both agree that we don't have any use for some house across the country, and Melody is already living in it anyway. imo she should just Have It. however, she is also Pretty Poor. I don't know the specifics of her situation (or, really, much about the complications of home ownership?) but I do worry about her ability to continue to pay the mortgage, assuming that's a thing. we're still waiting to hear about all the details and numbers and have somebody who actually knows about that stuff translate it into layman's terms for us non-homeowners (or in Phineas's case, Brand New Homeowner) so we can get a full picture of how all that is going to work legally speaking.
Dad also had life insurance thru his employer. we are still working thru the red tape at his company to figure out who the beneficiary is, the most likely candidate being me as the eldest child. Phineas and I are agreed that we'll at least be splitting most, if not all, the money evenly between us and Aaron. Patricia is INSISTENT that she doesn't want any of it, she wants us kids to keep it bc unlike some of his exes she never cared about his money (he made GOOD money, but still ended up kinda poor due to both being generous to, and having been taken advantage of by, multiple women since my bio mom died. including having to shell out an insane amount of child support for Aaron despite already having a very active role in his life. like he paid more child support than either I or my fiancee even make at our jobs, while also frequently just straight up directly providing for him where he could). because of his income it's looking like a pretty hefty payout.
however, my brother and I are both pretty poor as well. while we don't know the exact amount we're getting, some are speculating a number that, even split 3 ways, would be Life-Changing for us. we're talking 5 figure amounts, more than I or my fiancee make in a year. like we'll still need to work for a living but, for example, it could be a down-payment on a house or a massive safety net for when I'm out of work (I have a steady job but with seasonal unpaid breaks). it could help Phineas afford expensive repairs for the trailer he now owns, which my dad was supposed to help pay for. in the right account with a decent interest rate, it could be tuition for when Aaron goes to college.
I feel like I Should probably toss some of that money Melody's way, esp since I feel so bad that she's getting the one-two punch of finding out her bf died AND also he had a wife she wasn't aware of. but my brothers and I could really use that money as well. I don't know that Phineas wants to send her any, we're saving that conversation for when we know more of the exact numbers. I don't even know how much Dad was paying towards it, or if he even was anymore. plus--and this is kinda a minor detail--but there's kind of a general vibe I'm getting from the Family (ALL 4 of my dad's siblings AND both his parents are somehow still alive) that Melody is kinda...unliked. they love Patricia and were CONSTANTLY frustrated that he was still visiting Melody and frequently sending her money; I get the feeling they viewed her the same as some of his other gold-digging exes so i think maybe sending her Even More Money would look a little weird? like she's already getting full ownership of a house out of the deal. most of them are in agreement that Phineas and I are the ones who get the final say on the bulk of these decisions but they're...a little pushy anyway.
like I said, we don't know what any of the actual numbers look like AT ALL yet, so it might actually be fine. but WIBTA if we just left her the sole homeowner when she couldn't really afford it, and not send her any money? the consensus will probably show up too late to affect our decision but hey, figured the situation would make for a wild ride anyway (or maybe I just feel like that bc it has been for me LOL).
What are these acronyms?
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Lot of takes going around the internets about certain "deaths" in the ofmd season finale, so, uh-- guess it's time for me to try and lose some followers on tumblr dot com with
Some Thoughts on Why I Am Not Particularly Bothered or Concerned about Izzy's Apparent "Death"
Laying the groundwork first...
1. Narratively speaking, Izzy's been a dead man walking since the start of the season. Babe shot himself and got a rebirth-- but he still definitely intended to die. Every minute he was still around was borrowed time.
Did he have to die? Maybe not. I know I could've written a version of the show where he didn't. But then that would be my show-- not theirs. I can't know exactly what themes, bugbears, bête noires, catharsis, or artistic Vibes are driving that writers' room, and until the credits run on the finale of the third season, none of the rest of us can either.
2. Izzy spent the season being in a liminal state-- and there's nothing in the story saying that he can't continue doing that. Izzy spent the season having one foot in one space, one hoof in the other, and himself halfway through the door, a chimera of mirrored things right up to his "death": pirate and ship, hard and soft, old ways and new, etc etc. But "the gravy basket" is a weird little liminal space between life and death, a place that both Ed and Buttons have found (and returned from) before. We don't know where Izzy "is" right now-- he could be there.
(tbh, I wonder how much poor feeling we'd be having about all this if we'd gotten a final tag of a blue-washed Izzy staring down at a bowl of soup while helplessly saying "but this isn't gravy, what the fu--")
3. I think there is an unfortunate belief that "it's not real unless you see the body" is a universal -- or perhaps inarguable -- "fact" of storytelling. But it's not. It's just a bit of narrative shorthand that got popular, and now we're too ready to fall into the trap of believing the inverse is true too-- that if there is a body, then there must therefore have been a "real" death.
This season has spent quite a lot of narrative time and effort telling us that its story is using a different model, with different shorthands; specifically, that magic is real, that there is at least some kind of existence after death, and that the dead can be resurrected.
And that brings me to the meat of why I'm not particularly bothered or concerned about what, at this stage of the story, could still very well be just a minor setback--
4. This whole show, and particularly this season, is a fairy tale. It's a story that works with fairy tale logic and tropes, and it's in conversation with other fairy tales too, ones that the OFMD audience is likely to know well enough to spot their narrative beats in action. So "Pinocchio" gets mentioned a lot? Cool-- the audience applies what is commonly known of that story to this one ("a real boy", the mirror-opposite being a puppet with no nose, etc), and finds some Cool Shit. Then they're primed to keep looking for fairy tales, even unnamed ones, in case there's another little nugget of reward-dopamine for finding a connection.
So the fact that we saw a mermaid? Suddenly, I personally am noticing "Little Mermaid" motifs all over the place. That Ed was in a "sleep like death" -- after fucking around with a spinning wheel -- until his prince came to wake him? Well fuck, man, that's Blackbeard playing "Sleeping Beauty" for us all.
And bringing it all back to a "dead" Izzy Hands... when I add up a "dead" body surrounded by a bunch of laborers mourning the person who nominally kept their living space nice AND who was wanted dead by an authority figure for the crime of being the "better" version of what that figure wanted to be...
...well fuck, idk about the rest of you, but to me that all adds up to Izzy's story being Snow fucking White. Waiting for someone to come pull the bullet poisoned apple from his body so he can live again.
5. This is a second season. Of three. And Izzy Hands is the writer's favorite chewtoy, so there is lots of time, space, and incentive to bring him back. If there's a third season, we have a pile of ways he could be brought back over the course of hours of literal viewing time and possibly months of in-narrative time. That's ages.
And the solutions don't have to be difficult! For instance, we still have canonical hallucinations from Stede-- that's one route. Or fuck it, we could have Izzy's (very solid-looking) ghost be the embodiment of their being haunted by the Sea, that would work too.
And even barring all that-- his grave is right there with our heroes. The ship is out there hunting down his murderer. Even if you're happy he's dead... bad news, friend. He's all over the third season landscape. (uh oh, it's GNU Izzy Hands)
But those are just a few options that leave his body rotting but his character still alive. I happen to think we could all dream a little bigger, darlings. For instance:
A. You cannot tell me that these writers, on this show, with these actors, would not absolutely go all in on a zombie-esque hand thrusting out of the dirt mere hours after burial. Look me in the eyes and tell me Con O'Neill wouldn't pull off an entire digging-out scene only to end with himself panting beside the hole, looking around, hearing Ed and Stede being weird in their haunted hut, and wearily say, "Are you fucking kidding me."
B. Don't like zombies? Want to stay closer to the Snow White vibe AND introduce a love interest for him? One hyphenated word: body-snatcher. Gotta dig those bodies up fresh for the Definitely Historically Accurate anatomists of the time! But oh, says this New Guy, this corpse is-- wow, it's weird that they buried him with a rose and really amazing makeup and a truly extraordinary number of whittled whales, plus what's with that horsey leg grave marker, this guy must've been fucking fascinating, man, I wish I could've met him--
--at which point Izzy's hand shoots out and chokes the guy half to death and the lads come tumbling out of the house and ta da, mission accomplished, Izzy resurrected in 5 minutes or less with his horsey leg conveniently beside him and an entire season for himself and everyone else to Deal With It, amazing, fantastic, no notes from me.
C. Come to think of it, there is genuinely a non-zero chance that the crew just. Fucked up the burial. I mean... even though I was just arguing why we shouldn't see it as Law, we didn't actually see the body. We saw a grave. What did they bury him in? Was it a box? Was it some canvas? Did they definitely pick up the right one when it was time to bury him? Or did they maybe carefully make him an ahistorical safety coffin just in case a cat demon came to bother him and his corpse wanted to make a fuss about it, y'know, very common, could happen to anyone, and Frenchie just so happens to have Blackbeard's old collar bell right here--
6. Here's the bottom line, imo: The only thing that would keep Izzy really actually dead and completely removed from the story is a lack of narrative time and space-- and we have plenty of both. Stories are like Lego. If you've got enough time and you're willing to play with pieces from a whole lotta different sets, it's not hard to put the same elements together in different ways to get new, exciting configurations. It's why I'm actually rubbish at predicting exact details of stuff-- there are a lot of ways something could go, there are infinite doors out of problems the narrative seems to throw at us, and no two people will come up with the same thing because we're all different.
That, to me, is one of the big ways I personally enjoy and engage with stories. And it's why I genuinely can't be fussed about Izzy's death, not when we're only two-thirds through the story as a whole; observing someone setup and then try and execute a complicated narrative trick is my jam.
But my way of engaging with all this is by no means the best or only way. How we all interact with art, and what speaks to us, is extremely personal. If how this season and Izzy's death went just didn't work for you, that's okay. I'm sorry it wasn't the story you wanted it to be. That blows.
I just know I can't say yet that it didn't work for me. I won't know until I can take in the entire picture, just as I can't judge a finished Lego set by the one piece I step on midway through construction. I can see different ways Izzy's death/rebirth could absolutely work, but will the writer manage it? I dunno.
But I'm willing to wait and see if the stupid puppet can pull it off.
#will it be the content or the length that causes the unfollows?#WHO CAN SAY#but every day is Unfollowing Amnesty Day#farewell and be free#our flag means death#our flag means death s2 spoilers#our flag means death seasons 3 rampant speculation#izzy hands#engaging with stories#and curating your own experience#(but for real - I had to stop myself at just the few possibilities I gave for a resurrection)#(real talk if you ask me for more I can just-- come up with more)#(it's my party trick)#(for very certain kinds of very nerdy parties)
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Camp Half-Blood Tumblr Dash
🪻flower-child Follow
okay but does anyone actually know where nico di angelo goes half the time?? like the man drops off the face of the earth for months at a time and no one bats an eye
🗡️stabsmcgee43 Follow
no but fr he leaves for like three months and comes back with a power upgrade, a new sister, and is apparently a senator for the romans?? who exist for some reason???
🥜for_peanutbutter Follow
so apparently he and will solace just got back from fucking tarTARUS! and this wasnt even his FIRST TIME THERE?! wHAT!?
🎯beau-and-arrow Follow
ngl i thought he was in the mafia up until a week ago
#apparently he works for his father?? #i cant even get my godly parent to claim me #and he's out here living in the underworld with his dad and step-mom
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🐎ifelloffapegasus Follow
being 12 years old and choosing a dagger as a your weapon of choice because you want to be like Annabeth Chase even though you're shit at fighting is simply a canon event that cannot be interfered with
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🎆call-me-andromache Follow
oh to be drinking hot chocolate in a New Rome cafe while studying for my DSTOMP exam
🪙one-million-drachmas Follow
hey op how about we don't romanticize the camp that literally tried to erase the greeks from existence
🎆call-me-andromache Follow
well excuse me for wanting to live past the age of 18
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🎆call-me-andromache Follow
#i dont even know who my godly parent IS #let alone have i ever even gone on a quest #who do you think i am, percy jackson??? #why would you make a school for demigods if you were just gonna deny them #tbh i didnt even know the roman gods even interacted with their children #where are they getting their letters from?
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😶🌫️one-time-hypnos-dreamt Follow
I got turned into an ear of corn by a child of Demeter but they didn't know how to turn me back so I had to live the rest of my life as a talking vegetable until one day when Persephone (of all the gods??) came to camp and took pity on me so she turned me back into a human but now I have corn silk for hair because of it
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💄totallynotanaphroditekid Follow
i found a squirrel during capture the flag last night and it wont leave me alone does anyone want a new pet? i named him paris after that dude from the iliad
🏃♂️shesarunnershesatrackstar Follow
bro drop him off at the hermes cabin after dinner tonight
💃dancing-drakon Follow
as the hermes head counselor pls do not bring him to our cabin
🦉wise-mind Follow
So are we just going to ignore the fact that OP, a child of Aphrodite, named the squirrel PARIS
💄totallynotanaphroditekid Follow
get off my post im trying to start something
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#just like the real pjo universe this has no timeline#i have so many more ideas for this#for pjo and others#percy jackon and the olympians#fakeposting#camp halfblood#camp jupiter#heroes of olympus#trials of apollo#the sun and the star#pjo#hoo#toa
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2013 vs 2024
tbh, this is incredibly difficult for me. as a trans woman, there are certain expectations for posts like these. some gruff but sad looking man who was transformed into a happy beautiful girl via hormones. so you might think that nothing has changed. or perhaps i have gone backwards, gotten hairier, bigger, becoming even more of a man than i started off as.
this might be hard to read, so i'll put the rest under a read more. CW for homelessness, starvation, transmisogyny, and probably a few things i'm missing.
my transition has been messy. in some ways, you might say that i spent the first 25 years of my life transitioning. as a child i was efemminate, loved to play dress up and dolls, but my father was so against this that he filed a lawsuit against my mother, getting a court order forbidding her from "forcing me to crossdress." this set the tone for the rest of my childhood, which is a story i will not get into here because it is much worse than the story i'm trying to tell.
growing up in a christian fundamentalist home meant that it wasn't until much later, after my mother gained custody and i had gone on to experience even further ruination of my life, that i even learned that trans people exist. that this was a thing you could do, could be. a brief flash, something hiding behind my eyes, and i had locked it away. of course i wasn't trans. i was an athlete, a martial artist, a musician, why would i need to think about gender?
when i was 16, i joined tumblr. i saw a blooming transgender community, got to see the inner thoughts and conversations that trans people were having, couldn't avoid certain things any longer. i started to identify as nonbinary, eventually even coming out to my mother, who certainly TRIED to be supportive. it was exciting, made my heart race a little, made me scared. i had no idea what i was doing, or how my world was about to turn upside down and inside out.
the summer i turned 18, i was severely injured in a martial arts tournament. my right knee had caved in, the bone at the site of the joint crushed by a man i had thought was my friend. i didn't realize what had happened, and so didn't go to a doctor until two weeks later, at which point the damage was considered irreversible. everything i was disappeared. i lost all will to live. i stopped drawing, stopped playing music. i started drinking heavily. my family knew i was struggling but any efforts to fix the situation just made it worse. my mother and older brother had been putting more and more pressure on me to get a job and get out of the house, even though i could barely walk. my older brother told me that my mother was going to kick me out if i couldn't start contibuting. i still couldn't. i became homeless for the first time at the age of 19.
when you're homeless, it's like every single day is drawn out into countless hours, and you either have nothing to do, or far too much to do, and nothing in between. i had an online partner at the time, someone who turned out to be a chaser targeting suspiciously egg shaped men and nonbinary people, who spent the entire time getting more and more frustrated that i didn't have the time to be a fucktoy. i ended up insitutionalized for a month, after which i was kicked to the curb and left with nothing but a backpack and the clothes on my back. any journey of self discovery i may have been having was on hold until i wasn't fighting for survival.
my rescue came from a nonbinary lesbian who reached out to me. i was offered a room, a place to stay for no cost. they helped me break up with my partner. i found myself in a new sort of situationship, but at a confusing cost. why was this lesbian interested in me? was that even okay? eventually we had a conversation. they revealed to me that they had thought i was a trans woman. the fact that i had been seen as a woman hit me like a truck in a blindzone i didn't know i had.
after a difficult few days of arguing with myself, i couldn't hide from it. i was a woman. maybe i had always been a woman. a thought more terrifying than it had any right to be.
i grew my hair out. i started shaving. after a few months, i was even able to book my first HRT appointment (thank you state of washington trans healthcare laws). i came out to my mother a second time, and her reaction was much different this time. maybe due to the distance that had grown between us, the past hostility that left scars still bleeding, but i suspect it was because telling her that her firstborn son was actually a woman was much scarier to her than telling her that i didn't really care about gender.
this photo is from the day that i had my first HRT appointment. my soft chin, once a weakness, could be bared proudly, the ambiguity in my face becoming something that i cherished.
a year later, i had the longest hair of my life. if i shaved and wore makeup, and dressed right, i could get gendered correctly so long as i didn't speak. in that regard, i was truly getting the full experience of womanhood. my relationship with my partner was going strong. i thought that i had found my forever.
things got messy. you will probably hear me say this again. you won't find many better ways to describe my life, other than messy. my partner had always been polyamorous, but i was not, and had not ever pretended that this was not the case. so when one of my partners friends confessed her love to them, they went into panic mode. suddenly they were pushing everyone away, reverting to old bad habits and anxieties, and our relationship began to fall apart.
the friend, we'll call her A, pretended to move on, started dating someone else. my own friendship with A was strained by the situation, and her new partner, a butch lesbian named rowan, seemed to be suffering for it. i realized that the only way our relationships could survive was if we tried to work out an agreement to polyamory. in the end that wasn't enough, but i was desperate. i was starting to see the cracks, realizing that if this fell apart, i would be homeless again. my leg injury had already been so badly worsened from my first experience with homelessness, i knew that going through it again would be the end of me.
since my partner and A were now seeing each other, i began to get ignored. the only time either of them spent talking to me was talking about each other, either joyous or trying to fix some new problem. at this point, i started getting to know rowan. we had a lot in common, i had never talked to a butch before, let alone known one, and seeing the way that they navigated gender made me jealous. i didn't know why.
more and more, rowan and i were separated from the broader relationship, and as we talked more, something developed. i had already felt it the first time we spoke, on some level, but it had grown and grown, from respect, to admiration, to desire and love. we were in a polyamorous relationship after all, so it made sense to me. but shortly after, when i told my partner what i was feeling, they freaked out. this wasn't the agreement, they had only agreed to them being able to date other people, didn't think that it would need to be specified because i wasn't polyamorous.
the entire relationship falls apart and we go back to being two separate couples, and the end of that came swiftly after. they cheated on me with A, and when i found out, that was it. my now ex partner told me that i could stay at the apartment until the lease ran out, and they would move back in with their parents. they took all the furniture, i was left with an ancient computer, a blanket, some clothes, and two pillows. my depression came back with a vengeance, and i stopped eating. by the time the lease ran out, i had lost a dangerous amount of weight. i became homeless for the second time at age 22.
this time, after only six months, i found a thin sliver of hope. i was given a place to stay. a single-wide trailer that i would share with three other trans women and a hairy nonbinary lesbian. you've probably heard the stories of similar situations. it's impossible to have healthy boundaries in a space the size of a can of sardines. or healthy anything really. i got involved in an incredibly toxic relationship with one of the other trans women, who i found out was dating nearly a dozen other people.
the only thing i could do was try to feel wanted. desired. i began experimenting with my image.
i re-established contact with rowan, but there was so much there that i couldn't bring myself to face yet. as i began to experiment with more masculine presentation, those around me took a greater interest in me. i was an object of desire. it was the most worth i had felt i ever had.
i wasn't eating again. so my weight kept dropping. in the three-odd years since my first encounter with homelessness, i had lost 30% of my entire bodyweight. this only made my physical issues get worse and worse.
i wasn't done with experimentation though. what could i do with this newfound territory?
the time came. i couldn't stay anymore. the relationship had fallen apart, and my connection to the household had been sent away in exile. the irony of this is not lost on me. i was lucky enough to be able to couch surf for a few months this time.
i lost weight again.
and again.
my knee got worse and worse. my iliotibial band tore. my birthday came and went, nobody celebrated except for rowan, now my only friend.
a week after my birthday, a lesbian couple contacted me. told me that they had a spare bedroom, and that if i could cover the costs of my own food, could stay for as long as i liked.
i started HRT again. rowan and i had managed to work through all the shit and scum of our past and started a relationship anew. it felt like this could be real.
i started to look a lot like my mom. kind of uncomfortably like my mom. rowan was butch, so i had thought i should be a femme. i didn't understand what that meant, but whatever it was i attempted, it wavered dramatically.
i began to switch, every month or so, between masculine and feminine presentation. my chest had grown enough that it was visible now, and i experienced an equal amount of joy and fear when i was gendered correctly in public, having learned to fear people finding out that i was a trans woman.
the weight didn't come back. it was like my body had burned itself so far down that it could not regrow. i had no energy, and my physical condition continued to deteriorate. but i was allowed to be myself. and i was in love with a butch. maybe that would be enough.
i began to develop a fashion sense of my own. the butch label was starting to appeal to me. and my roommates seemed to agree, since they both shifted towards butchness and masculinity alongside me. but it wasn't to last. one of my roommates, a TME lesbian i'm gonna call M, suddenly went off on a transmisogynistic rant to me. M's partner was a trans woman, and hearing this caused me to suddenly re-evaluate everything. did this happen because M viewed me as more masculine now, a more acceptable target? would this happen to G, M's partner?
i hardcore shifted gears back to feminine presentation. it felt safer. i stopped eating again. things weren't okay, but they were bearable this way. but then, one day, we got locked out of our apartment. a stupid, played out thing that happens to everyone at least once. while my roommate G went to see if the apartment manager was in with a spare key, i attempted to climb our balcony and get in through the unlocked back door. when i was up on the railing of our balcony, it gave way, and i fell to the asphalt below, breaking my back. following a trend that i set half a decade ago, i didn't realize it had happened. my back hurt, but i thought it would go away. it did, replaced by a vast numbness through the middle of my back. i began to collapse any time i tried to exhert myself physically at all. i would only find out why years later. the fact that i couldn't contribute to chores anymore, and nobody knew why, made the situation with M deteriorate much faster.
at my lowest point in years. my relationship with rowan was the only thing that kept me from giving up, but after the third time M decided to spew vileness at me i just spent months locked away in my room, terrified that any time i saw M was going to be another lecture about how i was disrespectful, loud, obtrusive, intimidating, too quiet, too lazy, whatever incoherent train of thought i would have to face next.
it was too much to handle in combination with the events of 2020, the lockdowns, the illness, the forest fires, things ended up coming to a head. at age 25, i became homeless for the third time, during the pandemic and a wildfire that filled the air with plastic fumes so thick you couldn't see ten feet in front of you.
i got in contact with my mother and had her take my cat, because i knew i couldn't take care of her like this. that was the last time i saw my cat in person before she died. rowan was frantically trying anything and everything possible to help me. i thought that this might be the end.
three and a half years ago today i got the best news of my life. there was a way out. it would be a long and tricky road, involving moving my whole life to a new country. but we could do it. not only could we do it, but we actually did it. in a months time, i was in rowan's arms. for the first time in our years of knowing each other, there was nothing keeping us apart any longer.
i was finally able to rest. able to eat. i started to regain weight for the first time in nearly a decade. i felt my energy come back, slowly at first, and then more and more until i was capable of functioning, even if at a low level. it's around then that i find out the truth of what happened to my back. it still hasn't properly healed.
in my gratefullness for life and love, i briefly forgot my identity crisis. i was happy to just exist without fear and pain. it wasn't until about a year ago, when a miracle occurred, that this changed.
i woke up one morning, feeling more energetic than usual. i think to myself, maybe i can do some light exercise, for old times sake.
my knee doesn't hurt.
my knee doesn't hurt.
MY KNEE DOESN'T HURT.
a wound that i thought would dictate my life forever, given actual time to rest and food to fuel the process, had healed. everything that i had ever given up on came rushing back into my head, ideas about who i could be, what i could become, what other injuries i might be able to recover from if i treat them right and rebuild myself. ten months ago i began to work out consistently. my back is slowly healing. i am stronger than i ever was before.
i have had to rebuild myself so many times. did i ever discover the secret of butchness in the process? no, that's something that i think will take the rest of my life. for now, my butchness is an enduring pillar, the only part of myself that never fully burnt away. standing up for myself, being my own person, loving another butch, refusing to lose the kindness i so desperately clung to my whole life, refusing to limit myself and my dreams, this is who i am. i am friends with other butches. i am not alone anymore. for now, this is butch. this is me.
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no but listen, rachel has truly embodied herself as persephone because she's constantly trying to "distance herself" from her past as a medical fetish artist but then keeps the name that's affiliated with her medical fetish art-
Like, I can't believe I never noticed it before tbh, but that was the thought that hit me while I was explaining to someone on reddit what the name "used bandaid" meant and why it was weird that Rachel is STILL using it on her print cover books, even now when she just recently set up a new Facebook account with her REAL NAME and not the used_bandaid penname (I feel like this is an attempt to "legitimize" herself in the industry but idk).
But that leads me into talking about how she keeps lying about LO being her first webcomic project and that really pisses me off. And yes, this is related to the used_bandaid thing, just bear with me here.
A lot of my contempt for this is for reasons that go beyond her, I just hate the notion that people should succeed on their "first try" and that's an idea that's often sold by people like Rachel who spin these grandiose stories of how they were just "trying it out" and suddenly wham! Fame and fortune! You can achieve all this and more if you just xyz!
Literally, in every interview I've found over the past couple years, she always heavily implies that LO was her "first attempt", that she had never used Webtoons prior to LO, and that she was just "dipping her toes" into the medium. None of this is true, she's literally been drawing webcomics since the early 2000's (possibly earlier but the earliest documentation we can find is of The Doctor Pepper Show), LO wasn't even her first webcomic on the Webtoons platform (that goes to The Doctor Foxglove Show which she ended up dumping a chapter in to work on LO almost immediately after starting it on Tumblr) and as much as she'll claim she "couldn't pay anyone to look at her work", she had landed a number of gigs that got her work out there, had been printed in anthology collections, and IIRC she had even won some small local NZ awards for her comics prior to LO. Shit, there was a local beer brand that had her art on its labelling.
But it really feels like she's trying her damn hardest to hide all that, never mentioning or implying that she did anything prior to LO, that she was just a "struggling graphic artist working in retail" until LO happened.
So why keep the penname that's directly affiliated with that past identity ??
It boggles my mind, honestly, especially considering she had gone by MULTIPLE usernames back then, some of which were actually pretty sane that she could have used instead (such as Rach Alex, which she uses in her FB groups, and Rachel Royale).
I wouldn't blame her if she was trying to hide her old medical fetish stuff, whether she didn't want it affiliated with her new LO branding or if she's just embarrassed by it, I can totally empathize with that because god knows I wouldn't be all that proud to show off the cringy shit I got up to during my early days on the Internet. But if she IS embarrassed by it, you'd think the last thing she'd want to keep is the name that's directly affiliated with the thing she's embarrassed by. Almost like a certain pink protagonist who goes by the name she earned after doing the thing she doesn't want to talk about.
But if she ISN'T embarrassed by it, then why lie?
Why paint this picture that LO was a one hit wonder, that she lived on "struggle street" until she found fame and fortune on Webtoons?
Oh right. Because it's a better story.
Because it's way more romantic to be some struggling indie darling who "came from nothing" and achieved fame through one big idea. Because it looks good for the platform who's trying to attract people to their app and website on the promise that you, too, can be a success story simply because you followed the exact same perceived steps that you saw another person follow and advertise.
If you can't tell from my tone, I really fucking hate this kind of disingenuous wish fulfillment advertising. It's manipulative, it's cruel, and it sets people up with expectations far beyond their scope of reaching, both due to the luck and "being in the right place at the right time" involved at best (which is a HUGE factor in stories like these that people never talk about), or through joy-killing comparison at worst when you don't achieve worldwide fame on your first try and wonder why everyone else did (spoiler: they didn't, they just want you to think that because it makes for better headlines and it gets you using whatever product they're affiliated with.)
If Rachel doesn't want to be tied down to her past, that's fine. But it's incredibly irresponsible and flat out cruel to lie about that past existing at all because it sets a horrible precedent to those who look up to her and want what she has.
And I say all that because I've seen what happens to the people starting out who admire these creators who painted the picture that they were just successful right off the bat. It's not a fun headspace to be in, it's robbed many creators like myself and others of their joy in creating, and it's really all just a ploy to get you to spend time and money and energy on a stupid corporate phone app that profits off your emotional investment and labor. Don't fall for it. Pretending like the Act of Wrath didn't happen doesn't remove it from history.
Anyways, I was gonna leave it at that, but then I ended up doing another rabbithole deep dive through her Wayback Machine and found album art she had illustrated for NZ band PorcelainToy. Enjoy this piece of her "dark era" art that still exists without needing to use the Wayback Machine.
youtube
#sorry btw if this seems like a sequel to the post i just made i stg they're not related#this post was written at like 4 am after doing another hyperfixated deep dive#so it's literally just an unfortunate but funny coincidence that it came right after me talking about my own roots LOL#i gotta go to bed i'm getting stabbed with ink tomorrow#lore olympus critical#lo critical#antiloreolympus#anti lore olympus#Youtube
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So, I wanted to make this as an appreciation post for the fandom. Looking at all the reveals we've gotten in the last few days and seeing how much the world of TIG has expanded so quickly, I've been getting a bit nostalgic.
When I joined this fandom, it was August of 2022, barely a month out from the release date of The Final Gambit, the finale of The Inheritance Games. I found out about TIG at a random bookstore on a road trip and I had immediate interest (the hot tub scene sold me so quick). I was also still somewhat new to Tumblr back then but I wanted to see what the hype was here.
Back then, we were still in the Averyjameson vs Averygrayson era even though I'd say things were cooling down a bit. But, that's not my point. The community was getting ready for this; there were chapter reveals, theories, and oh, it was awesome. I was so happy to be part of it. And some of the people who made it a lively place back then are still here, but unfortunately, some have gone quiet. @averysjameson, @guppyclato, @lesbianator3000, @margolovescoffeeandbooks, and @cherryschaos, thank you for making my days back then. I know you may have moved on, but I thank you for the contribution you made at the time.
The only thing I will not miss is the toxicity that Averyjameson and Averygrayson fans plagued this fandom with and divided us so much. We had a lot back then to still savor, why did we have to do that to sour the tag when this series had so much more to offer than just the romantic subplot? There was a mystery at large and so many other characters to love. We only seemed to agree on hating Emily and the old man. Moving on, let's never do that again and if there is another love triangle, let's try being more mature about it. I know we can. If Gray, Avery, and Jamie moved on, so can we.
When we were told of The Brothers Hawthorne back in October 2022 and given those first chapters for the new book, I was over the moon. We were going to finally see the POVs of two favorites; Grayson and Jameson. I was so excited to see from Jamie's perspective, to get a mystery set in London and for him to solve it with Avery; it was an Averyjameson dream. However, come the actual release of the book and I was honestly so disappointed. I'm not sure why it didn't hit the levels it should have but I already said my piece on that and while I still have some disdain for that story, I look fondly at the parts I did love. And funny enough, I told myself Grayson's story will just have to do only because I was feeling sour over Jameson's plot. But low and behold, I loved it! It was deep, funny, interesting, and held my attention as if I was in TIG all over again and it hit more high notes than Jameson's. I may attribute that to the familial connections we see displayed there but it felt more rewarding and even if JLB still had more for Grayson's development, that didn't mean Jameson had to suffer for it. However, I'm hoping that this story here was a fluke and I'm putting my best foot forward in believing that maybe reading Averyjameson through Avery's POV again in Games Untold will give back that familiar feeling I've been missing for two years. I never said I wouldn't try again.
Now, we've entered a new era and this is a third for me; The Grandest Game and Games Untold. During this period, I met @hathorneheiress, my fanfic bestie, and a lot of my current supporters have been with me since TBH. I thank you very much for sticking with me by liking, reblogging, and commenting on my posts. You make my day in the same way I assume my content makes yours. I haven't said that enough and I don't think it will ever be. I'm happy that we're all still here now and going into this new unknown with our theories, headcanons, new characters, and plots. I'm sure it will be a blast. Thank you for giving me that feeling again these last few days; it felt like being with Avery and the gang, running through the House, finding another clue, waiting in anticipation what it reveals.
I hope that this next series is everything we hope for it to be, a new start for Gray, a chance to bond with the new characters we met in The Brothers Hawthorne, and an opportunity to make it feel like the hay days of the first book. I hope that Games Untold lets us relish that feeling with the original cast, to relive the good old days, to meet up with some old friends we haven't seen in a while, and to have that final hurrah that leaves us on the highest of highs in the best way possible. Maybe it'll make it easier to say goodbye to the ways it used to be and embrace the new storytellers but of course, with the way JLB leaves us hanging with every story she gives, who is to say that'll be it?
Thank you to everyone who makes theories, headcanons, fanfics, fanart, and so many other things that leave us wanting more. Thank you to everyone who showers that content with support in the form of likes, comments, and reblogs. Thank you to everyone who has been here from the beginning, in the middle, and now. You all made this a special place. Thank you to everyone who made this community that way and continue to do so every day. I'm happy to be a small part of that. See you in the next post.
-Mystery Girl's Red String
#appreciation post#tig fandom appreciation#tig fandom#tumblr journey#the inheritance games#the hawthorne legacy#the final gambit#the brothers hawthorne#the grandest game#games untold#tig#thl#tfg#tbh#tgg#gu#tig headquarters#TIG HQ
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how i overcame my phone addiction.
so for some background, i used to have a screen time of about 8 hours daily. i used my phone all day, every day, obsessively scrolling through tiktok and other social media apps. this did a significant number on my mental health and social life, and when i decided i wanted to work on myself i knew that this was the thing i needed to change first. so here's what i did to bring it down to less than one hour a day (some of the advice i took is from faye bate on youtube, go check out her video on the topic!)
turned off my app limit: this may seem counterproductive, but whenever i had my app limit on i would just press 5 more minutes until the next pop-up came and i would just press ignore and continue scrolling. i realized that it just didn't do anything.
deleted ALL games and social media: yes, even tumblr, and now i only have it on my laptop. i know many have FOMO (fear of missing out), and i did too, that is what keeps pulling us back to all these social media apps. no, it won't kill you if you do not see your friend's insta story or what your favorite tiktoker wore that day. trust me, it was hard to delete it all, especially since it gave me that feeling of being connected, but i just did it. that's what you need to remember in this whole journey: to just do it, even if you don't want to at first, you will not regret it. we see so much of other people's lives on social media that we forget about our own, that's why i cut my screen time so much, i wasn't focusing on myself and my own life.
put my phone far away/turn it off: whenever i leave a room i leave my phone in there, i put it up somewhere out of reach or i just turn it off completely, easy as that. also, when i go to school, i leave my phone at home sometimes so i don't go on it during class.
stopped listening to music: this was probably the hardest thing to do because i used to listen to music 24/7 but that fucked my brain up too since i just couldn't sit in silence without thinking about putting on music, and if i put on music, i also wanted to scroll through my phone. this also helped me to calm my mind a bit, because before i was constantly just singing in my head.
found other hobbies: i now do yoga, meditate, work out, read and solve puzzles; not long ago these were all things i didn't do because i was always on my phone. you don't even need a new hobby necessarily, you just need to do other stuff to get your mind off your phone, preferably something productive that's good for you.
did a dopamine detox: this is what i recommend most tbh. i found simonesquared’s videos on the topic to be the best and i followed what she did. i suggest you do your research into it but basically, it's not interacting with anything that gives us a dopamine kick (our phones, music, etc.) for a full day. i do this regularly now and it's been a great help with getting me away from my phone.
i truly hope someone found this helpful, love u xx
#self improvement#self care#that girl#clean girl#pink pilates princess#leveling up#level up journey#level up tips#feminine energy#divine feminine#dark feminine energy#self help#wellness#health and wellness#self healing#vanilla girl#my post
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Hi! I'm back :) after another long hiatus😅 I have missed all of you❤️
First of all a huge thank you to everyone who were worried and asked about my health and how I was doing. I wasn't doing well tbh. I'm one of those people who had the misfortune of never quite recovering from covid. I already had one chronic illness that was messing up my life and health. Having another on top of that takes a lot of physical, emotional and mental toll and limits my energy greatly. So I needed time to get used to my new reality and condition and learn to how manage it and live with it. It's still a work in progress and doctor appointments are seeming endless but at least some meds are helping. So there's that.
You probably already know the second reason why I wasn't doing well. I've seen terrible things…And you need time to process them. To grieve, to deal with trauma and survivor's guilt, and nurture your anger and keep fighting, keep resisting…
And well, internet connection still sucks so using social media is kind of an ordeal :D
There were a lot of times that I wanted to come back on tumblr but every time some issue would come up and take my motivation and energy. Then two weeks ago, after I couldn't crush the little ray of hope that maybe this time I'm going to see sth I like, I started watching season 2 of Loki. I watched it while promising myself that I'm not going to care anymore if it's bad, reminding myself that I might see sth as bad as season 1. Still I was surprised that I didn't hate it. On the contrary there were moments that were entertaining and even enjoyable. And those moments were more than the ones I dislike. It was better than season 1 and admittedly that's a low bar since I consider S1 one of the worst tv shows I've ever seen, but there were noticeable changes in pace and tone of the narrative and characterization in S2. Some issues in S1 was addressed. Loki was actually the main character of his series and got to do badass magic stuff :D The characters were flesh out and three dimensional and likable(I love OB so much :D). There was no romance. The ending was great.
There were of course things I didn't like. Removing Loki's backstory and his issues with his family from the story is one of them. How some of his moments in past was addressed. The episodes at times got boring or very predictable. There were times that Loki was ooc or comedic moments that weren't delivered well.
It wasn't perfect but at least acceptable. And probably the best Loki content we got since TDW. And I liked the ending a lot. I found myself keep going back to rewatch some scenes. I found myself analyzing the content happily. I had things to say. So here I am :D basically I'm 100% back to my Loki bs and I'm making it everyone's problem :P
Whether you loved the series or hated it, you're welcome on my blog and you're welcome to send me your opinions and engage with me in discussions and metas. I will tag posts accordingly in case you want to avoid certain content(tbh I still don't know what the new tags will be because I haven't written anything yet but I will make a post when I do).
There will be posts of some new fandoms so block their tags if you don't want to see those posts. The new fandoms are Sandman tv show(I haven't finished the comics so plz don't spoil them for me), Wednesday, My Hero Academia, Shadow and Bone, and The Bifrost Incident.
As I mentioned above I'm dealing with multiple chronic illnesses and have a limited energy each day. I will try to answer your messages, comments and asks as soon as I can but it might take a long time. Sry about that.
And finally a warm welcome to all the new followers and thanks to everyone who are still following me❤️
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I really enjoy your fanfic (Yuri Brair x fem!spy! reader) !! I always giggles everytime I read it. I got really excited when I saw your Tumblr too! You're a good writer tbh.
I just wonder to see an usual date between spy!reader and Yuri! I prefer an oneshot more but headcanons would be okay! If you're going to do an oneshot then I'd love to see the first date.
You don't have to this rq. I hope you have a good luck day<3!!
Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader (Date Headcannons)
Beware! This fic DOES contain SPOILERS for the manga and for the Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader series: An Alliance (part 1)!
This can be read with or without reading my Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader series: An Alliance (part 1).
Series information: Setting is AFTER the reader rejoined WISE (so Yuri and [Y/N] are married and [Y/N] becomes an official double-spy).
This is NOT a replacement or part 10 for the Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader series!
Warning: Reliving PTSD (shell shock they called it in 1950's) from war.
Wordcount: 3,700+ words
Yuri and (Y/N)'s dates are surprisingly very down to earth and mundane. For two people that are almost always spending their time together in playful bickers and working together, they don't really go on dates often. Part of it is because they're always around each other anyways so there's little point, but it's also because the two of them have a hard time being vulnerable around one another. Even if they've been living together with months and are officially engaged, they still started out as enemies and have hidden barriers they've set up without realizing.
A big part of Yuri and (Y/N) is how limited they both are when it comes to expression. Yuri grew up alone alongside his sister, graduated college at 14 without even finishing high school, and put his sister and studies above all else, so he's always been a little limited when it comes to expressing his feelings, relaxing, and social interactions (though he gets better as he goes along).
(Y/N) always had a problem with feeling inferior to others, whether it was because of her short stature due to carrying around heavy military equipment at seven stunting her growth, or it was because of her strength after the military's hardships. Growing up in the military and spy industry didn't leave her any time to play or bother with friends, something she does regret putting on herself at such a young age due to naivety and a thirst for change. She was busy in an adult world doing adult things as a kid that she forgot how to act her age, so sometimes those moments peak through in her everyday life because she starting to feel okay and that her feelings are validated thanks to Yuri. A huge part of her personality is to overshadow that feeling of insecurity and loss of worth, her confidence and humor is merely a facade, but Yuri knows better than that. That's why over time we can see (Y/N) mellow out, starting to calm down and unwind, over the series; starting to accept that she's safe with Yuri.
Yuri and (Y/N) don't go on dates often because they have each other, what more do you need? Flowers and chocolates and candlelit dinners and entertainment tickets and pets, all of that can't replace the love they have for one another, whether they show it or not. There's always moments where they let their guards down and can feel comfortable with one another, such as when Yuri proposed to (Y/N), or when (Y/N) gave Yuri his Christmas present she made, or when the two set aside each others differences to work together as a co-workers and a couple.
A major thing they both do at night before bed is talk about each other's day. They might've spent the whole day together, but they want to know how the other felt during the day. What could've been better? What did the other enjoy? What did they dislike? How did they feel? It's a major part of their relationship because it makes them both feel like their feelings are important and that they're communicating healthily with one another to make their relationship work because they care for one another.
For Yuri, his ideas of dates are going to amusement parks, seeing movies in the theaters, candlelit dinners, and picnics in the park as dates simply because he's unsure what else could be a date. All those things are society's expectations as dates and he's just adopted it because he has no figure to ask for dating advice, his parents are dead and Yor isn't too great of a help due to her limited experience in relationships (and her current relationship being a fraud).
For (Y/N), anything can be a date. Some simple things to cooking dinner together, taking work off together to sleep in, running errands together, visiting Yuri's sister and family together, anything is a date to her because she understands the importance of time. (Y/N) values every moment she has with Yuri because she's not sure when it'll be their last. Servicing in the Westalis military taught her how easy it was to lose everything so fast, from her friends to her most of her family, all it took was a few minutes to lose it all. (Y/N) doesn't want to make the same mistake and take another person in her life for granted. She values every mission, every hug, every kiss, and every word Yuri gives her and takes it with open arms because Yuri is what she cherishes most.
The first date the two of them can actually agree was a date, was a simple day shopping after work. Even though the two were dreadfully tired after their mission, they were still responsible adults that needed to complete their adult chores, even if it was now dark outside. They didn't see the clouds since it was too dark outside, and shopping for groceries ended up being longer than they thought it'd take (after trying to find a store open that late), so they missed their bus.
"Damn it." Yuri groaned, walking back to the bus stop after trying to chase the bus down like a madman in the dark. "Did we really have to get groceries today? Couldn't we have waited tomorrow on our day off?"
"Sorry. I didn't want to have to leave the house tomorrow. I figured we could've just stayed home and relaxed." (Y/N) sighed, plopping down on the metal bench. "You know, being an SSS agent is much harder than I gave you guys credit for."
"Shh! Don't just say that in public!" Yuri hissed, looking around cautiously, before taking a seat on the cold bench next to her. "Who knows who is around, there could be spies or hidden bugs."
"Oh, don't be such a worry wart." (Y/N) groaned, exhausted.
They sat in silent for a couple minutes, before she noticed a smile wafting in the air. It didn't smell like the city's fossil fuels or any cooking from restaurants or such.
"Hey Yuri, I think it's about to—"
A few droplets of water fell on the ground and their heads, causing them both to look up.
"Seriously? Out of all the bus stops in Berlint, this one has a leaking roof?" Yuri groaned.
As if on cue, the rain poured harder, before the bus stop's roof busted open like wet cardboard, dumping the water on them and their groceries.
"Damn it!" Yuri hissed, the paper bags wet and falling apart as they both tried to salvage their groceries from falling on the ground.
"Well... the worst has happened, right?" (Y/N) spoke, trying to smile positively since Yuri couldn't at the moment.
Nobody likes a Debbie-Downer, especially two Debbie-Downers.
Once more, as if the weather heard her, a flash of lightning struck nearby, followed by the powerful hiss of thunder. (Y/N) yelped, jumping up from the bench and almost dropping the food in her hands.
"Hey, calm down. Now it's official, there really can't be anything worse to happen." Yuri sighed.
As the universe heard their optimistic views once more, it felt the need to rain on it (literally), and it turned off all the lamp posts, the power lines being struck by lightning as the streets were instantly engulfed in darkness. (Y/N) jumped at the noise,
"Wow, Lady Luck must really hates us." (Y/N) commented, unsure if she should be angry or sad, but mostly a feeling of dread lingering in her.
"Let's just get home..." Yuri sighed, not even having energy to sound angry, just disappointed.
(Y/N) followed behind him, observing his quick footsteps as he kept his head low, the rain pouring down his face. He used his coat to try and keep the grocery bags in his hands dry, especially the baguette since it would be a shame for it to go to waste.
Even after the long day of work. and grocery shopping, they would still have to go home and make dinner and do laundry. Something Yuri didn't seem to want to do anymore chores today, he looks ready for bed.
The streets were dark except for the occasional lightning from the thunder, so really they were just guessing where to step and hoping they wouldn't trip. (Y/N) noticed him making use of his coat for the bags he held, so she decided to make use of her own. (Y/N) placed her bags on the ground, not caring that the bottoms got wet and started falling apart. She shrugged off her coat (really, one she stole from Yuri) and threw it over his head, adjusting it so he could see as the fabric prevented water from getting in his eyes.
"What are you doing?" Yuri questioned, looking at her confused. "Are you catching a cold? Why are you acting stupid?"
"I'm trying to do something nice for you, stupid!" she hissed, starting to regret her kindness.
Maybe it's not too late to trip him, or drown him in a puddle...
"Why don't you just ditch the groceries?" (Y/N) questioned. "They're already ruined now thanks to the rain."
"But we spent money on it." Yuri groaned.
"C'mon, it's not like we don't have the money to buy more. Next time let's just carry an umbrella whenever we go grocery shopping." (Y/N) spoke.
Yuri looked at her, then the groceries, before sighing and placing them on the ground.
"Oh well... maybe someone desperate enough will find good use for it." Yuri spoke. "Still, what a waste."
"Let's hurry up, we still have a bit to walk, and I want to get out of this weather." (Y/N) spoke, ignoring that feeling of dread in her stomach.
Every lightning strike caused a zap of light down the streets, like the flash of grenades, or the light from the rifle's muzzle. Her eyes traveled the streets, searching for any enemies being revealed by the fleeting light. Every bang sounded similar to a trigger being pulled and a bullet firing from the sudden explosive pressure, the sound reminding her of the ringing in her ears after she fired on some poor soul who didn't notice her hiding. The white flashes were replaced with red, the blood on her hands and in her ears, the painful stabbing sensation in her leg and rib as the bullets made a home embedded in her flesh.
"Hey, are you okay?" Yuri questioned as he noticed her unusual quietness.
She was quiet, unusual for her rather talkative personality with Yuri, but it wasn't a comfortable silence. Yuri looked concerned as her face was pale, her arms motionless as she walked, and her pace slowing down despite being adamant about escaping the rain.
It took him a second, but then he realized it; shell shock. Of course, flashing lights and bright noises would make them remember the trauma that took place in the battlefield for a veteran, it doesn't help she was a child when she was in the war either. Even if Yuri disliked Westalis, she played a part and fought for Westalis in the war, and it brought a pity and sympathy for her to experience such a traumatizing event, much less take part in it.
Yuri gently took her arm, being careful not to make any quick movements, and with his other hand he turned her head to face him. There was an almost glazed-look in her eyes, her expression almost emotionless.
"Hey, (Y/N)." Yuri spoke, making sure to keep his tone calm and gentle as he moved his hand down to hers, eloping their fingers together. "Let's go home and get out of this rain."
Rain, right! It was just rain and thunder, not any dirt hitting her from the explosions or the boom of gunfire.
"Oh! Y-yeah... I don't really like thunderstorms..." she mumbled, regaining some sense of the present reality.
Yuri took her coat off his head, instead placing it on her head, covering her eyes so she wouldn't have to see the flashes of light. Unfortunately, he couldn't cover her ears or anything while he walked, but he could at least prevent any visual flashbacks hopefully.
"Hey, what are you doing?" (Y/N) questioned, blindly following Yuri as he held her hand.
His pace quickened as he hurried home with her, doing his best to see since the power was still out so the lampposts didn't work. Eventually, he got to the apartment complex and took the stairs since the elevator was down. He took her to their apartment and unlocked the door, closing it behind them.
The light switch didn't work, though that wasn't a shock since the whole building's power was out. Yuri sat (Y/N) down on their couch and closed the curtains so no lightning could be seen, then rummaged through drawers around the apartment. He found candles and lit the wicks, at least providing a bit of light for the two. Yuri took the candle and guided them to their bedroom. He sat (Y/N) down on their bed as he picked out pajamas for the pair of them.
He looked back at (Y/N), unsure if she'd be able to actually change into the clothes herself or not. She seemed a little better now that they were in the apartment, still obviously shaking and on edge, but at least she gave out short responses when he spoke to her.
"Here, change into these. I'll be right back." Yuri spoke, grabbing his clothes and walking into the dark bathroom to change in the dark while she stayed in the candle's dim light.
He quickly changed out of his after-work clothes and into his pajamas, knocking on the bathroom door. "Hey, I'm coming out. Are you finished changing?"
"Yes." (Y/N) spoke quietly, almost muttering.
Yuri opened the bathroom door, relieved to see she was still present enough to be able to do a task such as changing clothes. Yuri grabbed a towel and dried off (Y/N)'s hair, then proceeded to brush it and use whatever products he's seen her put in it before. When he finished doing (Y/N)'s hair, he took the candle in one of his hands and took her hand in his other, guiding her under their bedsheets. He tucked her in all snug and cozy, before sitting down next to her.
Even with the flashing light covered, every explosion outside left an explosion inside her mind, debris from that day piling up on her as she hit the tree, disoriented and confused why the falling star just destroyed her home. Or the sound of dirt being crunched as military tanks rolled in, the Westalis military trying to aid Luwen's survivors from the bombings, as the shouts of civilians and crying of injured children just like her could be heard from afar. The buses transporting the survivors to shelters as they wore gas masks to prevent themselves from enhancing the chemicals from the nukes, or trying their best to speed out of Luwen to avoid excessive exposure to radiation.
There was no power, so he was unsure how to distract her of the noises going on outside. Her expression seemed troubled, her eyes glazed as they tried to figure out what was the past and present. It was almost like she could feel that heavy gun strap digging into her shoulder again, or how she needed to use both index fingers to apply enough force to pull the trigger and add another fatality to her ever-growing piling count.
"Do you want to read a book?" Yuri questioned, unsure what else to do.
There was no TV, no radio they could listen to since he had a plug-in that needed electricity, no chance of going outside for a walk or even just people watch. It wasn't like they had a pet to entertain (Y/N) with, though he's unsure if he'd even like a pet wandering the house while they're out working.
"No..." (Y/N) muttered, resting her head on Yuri's shoulder.
Every boom sent a jolt in her chest, her body reflecting the feeling as she jolted too. Her hands shook, not from the lingering cold of outside, but from the cold silence in the battlefield. The sudden shouts on the radio channels breaking the noise, static voices crying for help after being shot by the enemy or being stabbed by a knife bayonet to where they couldn't stitch the triangular-wound.
"You like music, right?" Yuri questioned.
"Yes?" (Y/N) answered, confused on what music had to do with thunderstorms in a power outage.
"Ilse Werner... she's one of your favorites, right?" Yuri questioned. "You have her vinyls."
"Yeah. I guess you could say she's one of my German favorites..." she nodded.
"Do you wanna sing?" Yuri questioned, his face dead serious as he looked at her.
"Sing?" she parroted, cracking a smile.
"Yeah. Do you wanna sing with me?" he repeated.
"Sure..." she hummed, smiling. "Can we sing 'Ich hab dich und du hast mich' (I have you and you have me)?"
"Of course you'd choose that one." He spoke, playfully rolling his eyes.
(Y/N) grabbed his hand and looked up at him saying the first words as Yuri quickly followed, falling into a symphony together.
"Ich seh’ die Welt seit heute
In rosarotem Licht
Es haben alle Leute
Ein glückliches Gesicht
Es sehen alle Dinge
Bunt und verzaubert aus
Zwei kleine gold’ne Ringe
Und schon ist das Glück im Haus."
(From today on I see the world
Through rose-tinted glasses
All the people
Have happy faces
All the things seem
Colourful and magical
Two little gold rings
And that's enough to keep us happy)
Sure, their rings weren't gold, instead a pretty silver with rubies on top, but that's fine with them. It's not like a color would deter the two of them, their love was still as pure as gold even if their rings weren't.
"Ich hab’ dich und du hast mich
Was brauchen wir noch mehr
Einmal Freud und einmal Leid
Zu zweit ist’s halb so schwer
Ich bin jung und du bist jung
Und vor uns liegt die Welt
Man erreicht ja alles leicht
Wenn man zusammenhält"
(I have you and you have me
What else do we need?
Both happiness and pain
Are easier to bear when they're shared
I'm young and you're young
The whole world lies at our feet
Well, it's easy to achieve anything
If we stick together)
Both happiness and pain, a vow shared between the two once Yuri proposed that ring and (Y/N) accepted. Even if they originally hated each other, coming from two separate sides of this ongoing Cold War between Westalis and Ostania as the Iron Curtain blocked them, they still had each other whilst the rest of the world was under them.
"Ab heute ist mein Leben
Von Grund auf renoviert
Du hast außer der Wohnung
Auch mein Herz frisch tapeziert"
(From today on my life has been
Changed from the ground up
Not only the walls, you've also
Wallpapered my heart)
Not only have the two fought each other countless times through bickers and arguments and even missions (Yuri's poor jaw), it never deterred the other. Somehow along their fighting, they managed to fight their ways into each other's hearts, keeping an iron fist to never let go of one another.
"Ich hab’ dich und du hast mich
Was brauchen wir noch mehr
Einmal Freud und einmal Leid
Zu zweit ist’s halb so schwer."
(I have you and you have me
What else do we need?
Both happiness and pain
Are easier to bear when they're shared)
Hardships will always be apart of one's marriage. Is it truly love if you don't fight for it?
"Ich hab’ dich und du hast mich
Was brauchen wir noch mehr
Einmal Freud und einmal Leid
Zu zweit ist’s halb so schwer."
(I have you and you have me
What else do we need?
Both happiness and pain
Are easier to bear when they're shared)
Love will never be easy, there will never be a perfect happy ever after. After all, love has lessons you must learn. In order to care for another, you must first care for yourself. You can't expect to care for someone if you can't even take care of yourself. You deserve to be placed on a pedestal too. You shouldn't tear yourself apart trying to sew another together.
"Ich bin jung und du bist jung
Und vor uns liegt die Welt
Man erreicht ja alles leicht
Wenn man zusammenhält"
(I'm young and you're young
The whole world lies at our feet
Well, it's easy to achieve anything
If we stick together).
Suddenly, the explosions outside didn't exist in her mind, but her heart instead. She smiled at Yuri, resting her head on his shoulder as she hummed.
"Thank you, Yuri..." she spoke.
"Anytime, (Y/N)." He smiled, leaning back and placing his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side.
What's there to be scared of when (Y/N) had Yuri and Yuri had (Y/N)?
Thank you for being patient as I work on this! At the moment, I do have more requests in, however I believe I'll finished the Andrew Graves x reader: Star Patient series before I continue working on requests. I know I always complete requests extremely late and a good part of that is not having any time to write and not having any motivation to write, so I appreciate everyone who continues to read my work and engage in my writing hobbies! Thank you to all my stars for supporting me on our journey through the galaxy together!
Want more Yuri Briar content? Check out the Yuri Briar masterlist!
By the way, the song was "Ich hab dich und du hast mich" (I have you and you have me) by Ilse Werner. The original song is in German. Lyrics was translated and used from the website lyricstranslate.com
Inbox is OPEN for requests!
#stellar constellations#yuri anime#yuri briar x reader#yuri x reader#yuri briar#yuri manga#yuri#spyxfamily#spy x family yuri#yuri spy x family#spy x family spoilers#spy x family manga#spy x family#yuri sxf#sxf yuri#sxf manga#sxf spoilers#sxf anime#x reader#fem reader#fem y/n#x yn#x you#x y/n
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Yes, Honedge!
Something i'd like to point out about its face:
It doesn't have a goofy face, the holes in the scabbard just make it look that way. In reality, it just has a single eye.
With that in mind, could you please do a version without the scabbard?
iiii figured this was common knowledge enough to not warrant an additional form, but alright:
some of the guard disappeared but it's okay. i never even saw that part of the scabbard as a face—the blue eye is very obviously an eye. i don't know if anyone actually thought that was its face. however, i do find it interesting that even after removing the scabbard textures, it still has textures for that "face" remaining:
which implies it's a face more than anything i've seen of the matter before this point
anyway there's so many asks in the box right now so let's just go through all of them:
in order from oldest to newest, here we go:
this is true. most of the models are shiny, unless they have a "colladamax" variant
ahh it's fine. i considered it might have been a request but i also doubted it considering pangoro was literally next so i assumed you were just excited. me complaining about requests was unrelated—another ask i got around the same time
well then maybe it's not a bad thing. you certainly phrased it like one, it seems, but that might just be unfortunate connotations with the way you said it? glad we could clear up the confusion i guess
we do need more snakes, but i also like the bipedal pokémon, as a furry. back when everyone was begging sprigatito not to stand up, i saw through their thinly-veiled furry hate and was begging sprigatito to go against the grain and stand up anyway. and then they did and now meowscarada is one of my favorite pokémon. get fucked, normies (i am sorry for saying this)
↑ i didn't know this until i looked it up! this is interesting. stuff like the male version learning misty terrain but the female version learning more type coverage. this is very strange but i like it. only girls can use magical leaf and charge beam sorry boys
thank you! i can explain it. it is because pokémon are getting very close and staring at you
as for the inspiration for this blog, it was mostly snivy. i remember one day thinking that snivy's big nose would make it look very silly from the front, and being like "damn. someone should compile a list of what every pokémon looks like from the front. damn. that would make a good tumblr blog bc some of those would be really funny. damn. i should do that" and then i did. but that was back in 2020—pretty soon after i ended up starting college which didn't allot me a lot of time for updating this blog, and although i kept swearing i'd go back, somewhat soon after that i went through a breakup and just wanted to take a while for myself. a bit after that, tumblr user sewatari reblogged one of the posts on this blog again (the weedle post, i believe?) and singlehandedly revived this blog by reminding me that they still cared about it. and that's fucking awesome?? tbh?? so thank them for this blog's continued existence. if you scroll waaaayyyy back far enough in the archive, you'll probably see that miniature saga. the images back from the first gen and onwards were a little bit icky as i got grips on how to actually go about this blog and manipulate the models in the right way to get them to work, which is why i can never really recommend folks scroll all the way back in the blog, but it's a look back into my own personal history, i suppose
apologies for breaking the magic, although i don't think anyone keeps up with the "i am a pokémon taking real live pictures of other pokémon with the camera right in their face" lore because no one pays attention to the backgrounds of the images (which used to change much more than they do now, but that's just because no one ever noticed or pointed them out. the background is not the focus of the image—it's the pokémon itself; thus, why look at the background? staging the pokémon in a setting used to be important to me, but now i don't worry about it and cycle between the same few backgrounds) or the asks, really. it's the commentary in the tags everyone comes here for, of course
she's a fully-grown woman with a house
then you'll love the top of this post
they probably wouldn't think it looks like anything because they aren't familiar with what honedge looks like so they would just picture nothing in their head. or they would just make up what they Think honedge might look like based on its name, or something, and then imagine that front-facing
i don't know which one of these is the real one. but we have some discrepancy here. also apparently this is a wider-spread belief than i thought
OKAY. i think that's all of them. if you read all the way here to the end, that's. powerful. for those of you who stuck around this long, i'm live right now with a test stream having some breakfast and playing pokémon. come join in, if you're bored this morning!
edit: it's over but i'll probably do it again some time, more likely at a more reasonable hour next time. considering the idea of doing a fully voiced pmd series—perhaps that'll be the next stream. or i'll leave another test one for it. who knows!
#not pkmn#nose ratings#extremely long post under the cut#i missed a few days of these so you're getting them ALL at once#the test stream probably won't be anything interesting btw. so you're not missing out if you don't show up#probably. who knows what i'll do. maybe i'll queue up the next set of pokémon live on camera. or maybe i'll fail at some tera raids#or maybe i'll find a random full-odds shiny in sv. or i'll go shiny hunting or something. y'never know!!#also fun fact apparently if you edit a tumblr post with a readmore‚ it moves the readmore down every time you edit it#why? no idea
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AITA for sort of wanting to break up with my boyfriend
okay so I [18M] met this guy [18M] back in january through an accepted college students group chat. We got to talking and found out we had a lot of similar interests, plus we live in the same city so we were able to hang out occasionally. We were even each other's prom dates (though both times were "as friends") However, after my prom he drove me home and ended up asking me out, saying he'd had a crush on me for a while and just had to tell me. I told him that I would love to date him, but that I had to tell him something first. I'm a stealth trans man, which means everyone I'd met and hung out with around him had assumed I was cis. So had this guy. I asked if that would be a problem, as he identified as gay and some gay men just aren't into trans men. He responded and said he didn't think it would be. Well, flash forward a month and I was on an out of town trip with him and several of his friends. As the only couple on the trip we were also sharing a room. And for context we'd made out but nothing more. The night before we left, he asked "hey, can we talk about something real quick?" I said sure, and he went "so, you know how I'm gay, right?" to which I thought oh no. I know where this is going. And basically he ended up saying that he didn't think he'd be comfortable doing anything sexual with me because he's "only into cock" but also that he'd be okay 'receiving' sexual acts, just not 'giving.' I was pretty stunned because I hadn't been thinking of that stuff really at all (it was literally the day after our one month anniversary. it was all still pretty new) and I said as much, but that I thought it would definitely be a problem in the future. He then freaked out and said that because he has OCD vague statements like that mess up his brain and basically send it into overdrive, so would I please say that it wouldn't ever be a problem (which I did.) I didn't see him for almost a month after that because he went out of the country, but I was definitely more reserved with the way I talked to him, prompting him to ask many times if he was annoying me and sort of catastrophize about our relationship (sent me a text asking if our LOVE was FADING.) I eventually ended up talking to him about it all over the phone and he immediately apologized saying that he knew as soon as he had said it that it was an asshole thing to say. Then he went into a tangent about how he actually views sex and romance as two different things and thinks sex is super degrading and dehumanizing, and how he thinks our love is this "pure and wholesome" thing (actual words.) He did say that he would be willing to try things with me but I don't want him to force anything on his end regarding sexual stuff, because it is totally okay if he doesn't want to have sex with me, it just means I don't want to stay in a relationship with him. But he keeps going on and on about how much he loves me and how I've changed him into a better person (and also how SCARED he is that I'll break up with him????) and so I feel guilty wanting to break up, especially because I did like him a lot before all this but now it's just so stressful and I don't know what to do. And that's where the "am *I* the asshole" bit comes in because I have been really sort of neglecting him, responding to messages late, not being super enthusiastic about talking to him, just being a bad boyfriend tbh. And of course the cherry on top is that we're going to college together in a month. Okay tumblr please help me what do you think
What are these acronyms?
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Gonna get personal here for a sec... because I have nowhere else to turn to.... 😞
I'm a budding author, so I have an agent that I've hired to beta read my stuff, edit, give feedback etc. right?
TBH he was kinda rude at first, he was a stickler about my punctuation and grammar. He even made comments that were borderline unprofessional about my AU, calling it frivolous essentially. So, I bit my tongue for as long as I could, because I didn't want to mess up this opportunity because finding agents and going through the editing process is HARD, y'all.
Well, one day after I got a haircut I noticed he was a little bit softer towards me which threw me off. Idk if it was the haircut but it definitely was the first time I noticed a change in his attitude and so I kind of made a little joke and he laughed. It got me asking about a show we both like to watch and no joke, we sat there on zoom for like an hour and a half just chatting. We didn't even get to discussing the draft at all so I had to end it there bc I had another meeting scheduled. Not going to lie, it felt a little weird & just couldn't get my mind off of it after that.
Well, it turned into smiles, flirty comments here and there. Then one day he just outright asked me if I wanted to get dinner...I knew it was a horrible idea but at this point I had a crush on him so I said yes anyway. He lives far away and flew out here for business but he extended his trip by an extra day JUST to see me. Literally nobody has ever done that for me...
Chat, I don't know what to do....I'm being so selfish but he makes me feel so happy. He buys me flowers and gets me coffee & food while I'm working. Like this man lives in a different time zone from me but he ORDERS DOOR DASH AND UBER EATS and has it delivered to my house. 😩
He listens & doesn't judge me for any of the stupid things I like or hate the fact that I get on Tumblr and write nasty fanfics about a cartoon man.
We can't tell other people about our relationship bc he could lose his job if it's found out he's seeing one of his clients. I'm literally risking everything ffs!!! I know it's wrong, but I can't help it...
Well, I confess I'm in love with him & this is me being honest abt it. Idc anymore...
(don't worry, he's happy, he was just making that face bc he was hungry but I was trying to sit there and take selfies before dinner. My beautiful irl bestie made this for me btw)
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Isa my darling! Happy Birthday, albeit a couple of days early.
Seeing you screech in Philza's streams because Apollo hit you with that dodgeball yet again makes me giggle a lot.
How about since headcanon's for qPhilza's past/pre island relationship with qFit. How they got to know each other, and how quickly they became friends?
Idr if I said this on Tumblr yet but deadass I asked Apollo on my pendulum if qPhil is his blorbo and he said yes. He's been as invested in shit as me and it's been hilarious. I literally have crows yelling at me irl to keep writing rn but I'm answering headcanons first.
The entire time I've been distracted between writing these, crows have been yelling at me about it. Which. Is how Apollo communicates with me when I'm not actively talking to him through readings LMFAO.
Also thank you for the birthday wish :D [desperately hoping nothing else horrible happens this weekend please god]
Anyway qPhil headcanons masterlist let's go
Disclaimer that I didn't know of Fit before QSMP (I've only been in mcyt for 4 years monkaS) so these are gonna be largely pulled out of my ass and a lil repetitive.
These two both have experiences in anarchy and war, they've definitely brushed shoulders a couple times bc of it
They admired each other's work ofc. Phil is a macro scale kinda guy, total annihilation and victory that makes a statement. Fit's more of a micro scale kinda guy, zeroing in on one person or group individually and making their lives hell until the end in the name of surviving a little longer
On that note, I think we all sleep a little bit on the fact that Fit is Also a survivalist like Phil, just in a very different set of high stakes conditions. These two are equally skilled in it and equally sharp strategists
On that note, anyone who knew them from the past would fear the idea of them coming together to create a plan of any kind, especially of the anarchist-fueled variety. If the Federation has done their research right, they should know full well how terrifying this duo could be in an effort to dismantle their authority
Btw by brushing shoulders I don't just mean brief passings by, I mean they've like. Camped out for a night together, temporarily truced for the sake of safety in numbers, etc. More than a few conversations have been had even if the time they've spent together totals to less than a week.
However, even when they weren't actively paired together, they'd still occasionally trade or gift each other surplus resources. It was a genuine kind act, even if it simultaneously served as a reason for each of them to not come after the other. I scratch your back, you scratch mine.
Like why do you think Fit was one of the first threats on Phil's mind in Purgatory. He Knew(tm). And he knew Fit has an affinity for picking off the weak first, like a lion after a herd of antelope. To him, Purgatory was the awakening of a monster who'd been dormant for a long time.
See, present day they're QPR as fuck, they'd never do this now without 10x the pressure Purgatory put on them, but back in the day they took close notes on each other's strengths and weaknesses. Just In Case, yknow? They could very much kill each other. Back in the day they would've if it came to it, no matter how good an ally they were.
Something about how these two used to be so cold and hard to the world. Be it to self-preserve or some other reason. Something about how now they've both softened and warmed after becoming parents. They never could've imagined the other would "weaken" like this, especially back then.
Phil 🤝🏻 Fit - Phil being a historian of the deities/builds of his Hardcore World, Fit being a historian of 2B2T
A lot of this boils down to mutual respect, common interests, and secret admiration tbh. And what's more homoerotic than that?
#qsmp#qsmp philza#qsmp fitmc#qsmp fit#qsmp fitza#qsmp veterans#qphil headcanons#AMFMN things#<- bc these apply to the fic
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I'm sorry you got harassed again just from a simple post with a (imo pretty valid) opinion. If that person is the same that answered your post by reblogging and repplying on their blog with unnecessary hate (apparently queer but a solo louie) then it's the one I just blocked. I love to currate my experience in this fandom. Anyway I just wanted to say, I used to love your posts in this fandom! I lost track of your blog and thought you'd disappeard. I'm glad to see you're still on Tumblr and enjoying other fandoms. I'm well aware of how toxic this fandom can get (between the hets, the solos often queer themselves but hating on queer larries and more, to many groups to count tbh, louis' attitude on social media ect), especially when you dare to voice an opinion, which I'm mostly don't lol. I'm staying for the art, the fics, the great memes and ofc the music and the people. You're "y'all" made me think 'I Hope she still got good times and friends out if it. I made some great friends in the larries bunch myself. Anyway sorry for the rant, I lost track of what was my point here. Just was happy to see you pop on my dash through a mutual and wanted to say so I guess?? So once again thank you for the fun times I had reading your posts back in the days; have a great time out here, enjoying your favs fandoms, you do you! Sending love xx
so i was trying to avoid posting any anons regarding prev fandom discourse but i opened this one and read it through and it was just so amazing i had to respond, not just in tags 🥹🥹
of course, it's lovely to hear that you liked my posts on fandom back in the day etc but what really got me was when you wanted to make sure i still got good times and friends out of it, that nearly made me cry
because YEAH I FUCKING DID 🥺😩🥺🥹🥲
blue ( @wastelandbabyblue ) is literally one of the coolest people i've ever known while also being one of the kindest and funniest. id literally kill to meet her one day in person. i still keep up with brenda and several others i met in her og discord, some of which are the only remaining 1d fandom blogs i still follow here - they are so kind and funny and i still talk to them occasionally in a fandom discord i stayed in because i didn't want to lose touch with them.
and 🥹🥹🥹
i met 8 of who i would consider my closest friends in the whole world through fandom. through the most insane wild and unruly fandom discord drama, i literally located my found family: wedo, nino, iza, katja, olia, hanis, chloe, and su
we talk everyday still even though we live all over the world and we talk about nearly everything except fandom nowadays and they've helped me survive living day to day through some of the worst moments of my life. i don't know what i'd do if i didn't have them in my life
last night, i had a bit of a shame spiral thinking about all the time energy money i devoted to the 1d fandom. i felt embarrassed for being so loud about something that ended in so much disappointment. it wasn't fun and i know it was probably triggered by being involved in some discussions i hadn't been in so long
so when i opened this ask, anon, it reminded me so much that whatever was lost from that time, so much more was gained. the embarrassment of remembering dancing around like a fool with a rainbow flag for someone who couldn't even say something as simple as "look at all those colors" pales in comparison to the lifelong friendship i gained with these 8 beautiful women all across the globe
nothing will ever compare to the people i met and the way they feel closer to family than any of my blood ever felt
i'm glad that you found so much goodness as well and thank you for reminding me that it was all worth it for what i got
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