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ordinaryschmuck · 3 years

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What I Thought About "Yesterday's Lie" from The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who absolutely won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons!

Here it is! The midseason finale of The Owl House Season Two! An episode featuring Luz going back to the human realm, is hyped up to heaven about how painful it'll be for the audience, and features more anxiety by how Creepy Luz is a thing. And BOOOOOOOOY howdy were fans not ready for this. I'm sure as hell not ready for when I wrote this intro at *checks time* thirty minutes before watching the official premier. Yup, the words you're reading right now are from me in the past, when everything was still pure and simple. Whereas future me is still probably destroyed by the events that transpired. Isn't that right, future me?

Future Me: Actually, it wasn’t that bad. The ending hurt, sure, but other than that, it wasn’t too painful.

Wow, that is some neat input! At least, I think it was. I wouldn't know because I literally wrote that after watching the episode. With the words you're currently reading being written at *checks time* twenty-six minutes before the premier...this whole intro is confusing, isn't it, future me?

Future Me: Sure is.

Yeah, it's definitely confusing. In any case, let's dive into this spoiler-filled review as we find out together just how painful this episode was! Take it away, future me!

Future Me: Will do! Major spoilers ahead, folks!

Now, let’s review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Luz’s Room: We only see it for a short time, but everything about it just screams Luz. The pile of weird-looking stuffed animals, the witch hat in the center of the floor, and the fact that she has bunk beds, a single child's dream (Or so I've heard). It's a small thing, but I love it.

Vee: Here she is! The character previously dubbed Creepy Luz who now turns out to be yet another new addition to the ever-growing list of characters that we, as a fandom, would give our lives for. Because holy s**t was Vee the best type of expectation subversion. Showing us all the ominous ways of how she basically took Luz's place made fans assume that Vee was an evil doppelganger. Turns out, she was just a tortured soul that was desperate to live a new and better life and lucked out in finding Luz's. What Vee does is...questionable at best, but seeing what she went through with the experiments Belos pulled on her, you understand why she would do it. And I personally love it's that same background information that makes Vee resentful of Luz of all people. Luz's life is a relative dream come true, and running away from that would be insane to someone who spent most of their existence through imprisonment and experimentation. It's an intriguing point of view, even though it's admittingly flawed given how it's mostly Camila that seemingly made Luz's life bearable. But the flaws don't matter. What matters is that you can see where Vee is coming from, and to me, personally, I think she's understandable enough to make me root for her to have some kind of happy ending. Whether as Luz or as herself, I'm hopeful to see Vee get some semblance of peace.

Camila: *Round of applause* Don't mind me! Just taking the time to love how all them sons of b**hes who thought Camila was a bad mom are now heavily invalidated. 'Cause, guess what? Camila is a fantastic mother, both to her daughter and her daughter's doppelganger! Allow me to walk you through the highlights:

How Camila looks like she’s not okay with the fact that "Luz" is clearing out her weird stuff, seemingly acting too different to the Luz she knows. Added to the fact that Camila doesn't like it.

How Camila drove Luz to camp whether than letting her take the bus

The fact that Camila takes that box of junk back in, not willing to part with the tin foil sculpture Luz made.

The way she was willing to play along with the game she thought Luz was doing, supporting her daughter's creative mind that Camila admits to being glad to see.

And, best of all, the willingness Camila had to help this poor creature, despite the lies it lived.

It's that last part I really want to touch upon, though. Because an action like that shows just how much Luz's heart comes from Camila. The kindness and generosity of helping this poor creature, who she has every right to run out on, proves how Luz learned to be everything she is today through Camila's own loving heart. Vee was scared and hurt, and the second Camila saw that she was then more than willing to help because of it. It's something that Luz would do, and it proves that even though Camila didn't exactly get everything right, she's still a great mom where it counts.

“A new life”: A perfect line.

Initially, it makes audiences think that it has everything to do with replacing Luz. It's only through future context that we know it's about escaping the s**t show Vee once lived through that it's clear she's talking about starting over. It hits us with intrigue on the first viewing, only to hit harder with the feels during a second. Really well-done.

Luz in the Mirror: A well-done surprise that makes fans curious about how this even happen in the first place. Kudos to you, writers.

The New Portal: I don't mind that they found a way to build this off-screen. Showing Luz and the gang slowly building a new portal would have been a little too tedious to watch, and it's so much better to just start this episode out with it. Besides, maybe we'll get the slow and steadier version now that we've seen how quickly building one might not have been the best way to go, given how fast that thing fell apart.

Luz Between Dimensions: I have no clue what the hell that place she was in is called, but it's awesome! The overall design of the realm is the correct type of unsettling, like it's oozing with mystery, but it's somewhere that you probably don't want to be in for too long. Whoever designed it deserves all of the credit because I don't want to even think about all the hard work that went into making this look as well-made as it was.

Luz Resisting to See Amity: What? Luz and Amity are adorable, and seeing Luz's immediate thought about seeing Amity makes my shipping heart scream with glee. Don't judge me!

Hiding Luz’s Dad’s Face: Well, that was a fun story while it lasted.

So, it turns out that Luz's dad really was a part of Luz's and Camila's life at some point, but not anymore. As for why remains to be seen, as we don't really know yet if we'll see him make an appearance. I'd say that the odds are high that he will, given how much of a point this episode made about keeping his face hidden. Shows don't usually do that unless the goal is to hype up some official reveal, and I can't wait to see what comes of it.

Luz Telling Herself to Count to Five: Hey, more evidence for how I relate to Luz! I know how it feels to be all panicky about a specific situation, and I only got better when I took the time to calm down for a bit. Sometimes, I even tried the "count to x" method that Luz used...it never worked, primarily because it made me feel worse when people told me to do it, but I still tried it! Plus, there's also some narrative foreshadowing when after Luz says five, the realm shows her Vee, or Number V, which is a pretty cool detail you'll notice on a rewatch.

Luz Helping Vee: I gave Camila praise for helping Vee in the end, but that doesn't abstain Luz from her own set of recognition. The second that Luz realized that Vee wasn't really a threat and is far from evil, our favorite human does what she can to help and even makes a deal where they're both happy. Because, of course, Luz is that perfect of a protagonist who is more than willing to help others in need. And it's why we love her so.

Looking for Magic that Eda Left Behind: A pretty cool idea that gives Luz and Vee a chance to bond and giving us an insight into Eda's past antics and misadventures in the human realm. Not much I can add to it, though.

Gravesfield: It's surprisingly not as jarring as I thought it would be to spend an episode in the human realm. I thought for sure, after all that time in the Boiling Isles, there would be something off about walking around a normal environment for a change. Turns out, it's almost easy to get used to. Or, for me, it is.

But I will say that there's this neat use of colors when comparing Gravesfield with the Boiling Isles. In Gravesfield, the coloring looks dulled down and standard, which is a stark contrast to the bright vibrancy of everything we've seen in the Boiling Isles. It's a subtle way of showing how things are different, aside from the major discrepancies we could come to expect. And I think that's why I appreciate it much more.

Eda’s Called Herself Marylynn in the Human Realm: Hang on...hang on...do you mean to tell me that the crack theory about Eda being Stan's ex-wife is actually true?

...

...What even is this show?!

Vee Making Friends with Camp Members: This shows the most apparent difference between Luz and Vee. Where we see Luz is already fearing the many ways that could go wrong with interacting with teens, Vee revealed that she adapted to her situation and had a chance to make friends. The implications of this are worth discussing another time, but for now, I'll say that it's pretty intriguing that we gain this much insight into both Luz and Vee through such a small thing.

Belos Wanting to Learn How Basilisks can Drain Magic: ...Didn't Raine say that Belos was taking away magic? If so, I think we can figure out how he's doing it. The question now is: Why?

Jacob (The Curator Guy): This guy was a riot. At first, Jacob seemed like a threat with the way he trapped Vee and was apparently stocking her, but the second he goes off about his conspiracy theories, it becomes clear what type of character he is. And was it a blast seeing how much of a crackpot this man is. It wasn't cool seeing him wanting to dissect the precious angel that is Vee, but I still chuckle about things like his "Flat Eather's Certificate." So while he's not that much of a threat, he's still fun to watch.

The Owl Beast was in the Human Realm: ...How did that happen? When did it happen? And how the hell did Eda get out of a situation like that?! Who knows, but it's still a shocking piece of news to learn.

Luz Telling Camila the Truth: Hey, she faced her fear after all! Although, the results aren't as pleasant as when Amity faced her fear two weeks ago.

Camila is a Veterinarian: ...One insignificant reveal...managed to destroy so many fanfics. I mean, we probably shouldn't have just assumed Camila was a nurse...but what the f**k else were we supposed to think?! Sorry for seeing the scrubs, and the first thing that came to my mind was "nurse" and not "vet."

By the way, that had to have been intentional, right? There's no way that Dana Terrace didn't think we'd assume Camila was a nurse. She'd had to have put off a reveal like that just to trip up her fans. And if that's the case, then that is a major d**k move...but that's why I mildly respect it.

Two Human Brothers went to the Demon Realm: Turns out we don't have to be in the Boiling Isles to learn more about it. Because now we have more information about how two humans were taken to the Isles with the help of a witch, thus setting up a grander reveal if it turns out that one of the humans was Philip and the witch was Belos. Because if that's true...then there's more of a history between those two than we thought.

Jacob has a Training Wand: This helps me believe that it's highly likely for Jacob to make a return and to have a power boost for when he does. After all, focussing all that attention on the training wand is way too convenient for it not to come up again in the future. Meaning we're most likely going to get more pain from Jacob if he shows up again.

Camila Beats the Crap out of Jacob for Vee: ...Writers, don't make me choose between Camila and Eda on who's the better cartoon mom. I know Eda's technically not a mom...BUT I STILL DON'T WANT TO CHOOSE DAMNIT!

Also, the sandal...just...

Why the f**k does Camila have a sandal in her purse? I don't know. Is it still funny that she does? Most certainly.

Camila and Luz’s Talk in the Rain: Ooooooooh, I was not ready for this...

I wasn't ready for the crying.

I wasn't ready for the hurt in Camila's eyes when she found out Luz chose to stay in the Boiling Isles.

I wasn't ready for Camila asking if Luz hates being with her that much.

I wasn't ready for Luz profusely stating how it was never Camila's fault.

I was not ready for Camila to tell Luz that she'll try to do better.

And I definitely was not ready for Luz to barely have enough time to promise that she'll come back.

This episode wasn't the twenty-two minutes of nonstop angst that I thought it was going to be...but this short scene more than make up for it.

Luz Tries to Stay Strong: Yet another thing she unwittingly learned from Camila. Camila tried to keep a brave face when Vee was with her and Luz, most likely not wanting to tear either of them down in the process. Luz does the same thing here as she avoids talking about the details of what went down in her sort-of journey back home. And seeing her clearly fake smile slowly droop into an uncertain frown, it uh...it definitely tore me up inside.

WHAT I DISLIKED

I want to say it's perfect, but there's one major issue that really bogs this episode down.

Continuity Error in How Vee Replaced Luz: Having Vee take Luz's place the same day Luz appeared in the Isles is a smart idea on paper...if it wasn't for the fact that it's impossible.

Because Eda closed the portal door the second that she saw Luz, meaning that there's no way for Vee to go to the human realm. It's a major plothole that makes no sense, and it might just be the first time ever that this series wasn't so closely knit with its story. Which ends up taking a dive in quality in the process.

IN CONCLUSION

I'd say that "Yesterday's Lie" is an A-. Everything about Luz, Vee, and Camila is incredible, combined into a story that ends in tragedy and uncertainty for the future. That plothole may drag things down a bit, but everything else is handled so well that I'm not lying when I say it's easy to forgive and forget.

(And that's ten episodes in a row without a single stinker. HOW THE F**K DOES THIS SEASON KEEP WINNING?!)

#the owl house #the owl house spoilers #toh spoilers #luz noceda #camila noceda #camila is a good mom ok!#toh vee #emperor belos #what i thought about #the owl house reviews

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ohoshi · 3 years

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This just turned into a hoshi love post but we love to see that <3 he deserves all the love you’re giving and more !

Ooo what was the last kpop cover you did?

For me, it’s an everyday fight for a bias. DUDE NO GDA HOSHI WILL TRULY REMAIN SUPERIOR. THE POWER HE HOLDS IS IMMACULATE!!! LIKE SIR PLEASE STOP COMING FOR ME

He is annoying but he’s best that way. I won’t like hoshi if he isn’t pain in the ass. He really is something else. Whenever he dances it’s so magical like it isn’t humanly possible to be this perfect!

Hoshi is definitely an all rounder. His singing voice is beautiful and he’s gotten soooo amazing (he already was so good by ykwim)

what you said about kpop sleeping on svt, I totally agree with that cause svt truly has best vocalists and choreographer which other artists look up too. I feel sometimes seventeens talent is not appreciated enough.

junhao and seok are such good choices. # 1 hoshi, it really do be like that sometimes.

Al1 does of one of the best promos pledis ever did! The aesthetics were so soft and nice and the songs *chefs kiss*

DWC wasn’t the song that brought in so many carats just like that. It’s a queen .

L&l always gives me such nostalgia

my favourite album has to be either an ode / ymmdawn / henggarae. Those always are just wow . They hit the spot. It’s there for every mood. soft? Kidult, hug. Hoe? Good to me, shhh, getting closer. Hurt? Fear. Upbeat? Snapshoot, let me hear you say

OKAY I CAN GO ON ABOUT BSIDES ALOT. I CANT CHOOSE TOP 3 SO ILL JUST NAME A FEW OF MY FAVES: flower, campfire, I don’t know, heavens cloud, getting closer, pinwheel, kidult, together, hug, my my, snapshoot, lmhys, ah love , all my love , fearless, fast pace , holiday, space.

I like the tracks A LOT. It’s such a fresh style for title track. And heavens cloud my beloved <3 I love all 3 concepts of photoshoots for the album. Not really fond of the way they designed everything. Like, the track list and all could be so pretty but no.

Ahh!! I love making gifs and gfx! Gfx can be really tiring but I love the outcome so I’m satisfied. Well, for biases these days jihoon, dino, and coups are really just on top !

I got into svt during fear era cause my best friend is a carat too!!

What was your favourite svt concept ? WHATS YOUR FAV JAPANESE TRACK? What other groups do you stan?

-cloud anon ☁️

I KNOOOW ANON AND I AM SO SORRY KAGAKSGAK I HAVE A HARD TIME CONTROLLING MYSELF when you ask me to talk about him 😔 sorry ksgsjsg i have so much love and admiration for him!!

the last kpop cover i did was chungha's bicycle (which was a while ago lol), i wanted to do spider but i don't have the props so :/ i gave up lmao

IKR!!!! THE WHOLE GDA PERFORMANCE !!!!!! it has a tight grip on me i think it's one of the best performances they've had so far

yeah, exactly shagaj it just kinda bothers me that kpop stans will really talk about 3rd gen main vocalists and not mention svt? or they would really (which i advocate is the most stupid thing btw) rank main dancers and not include hoshi ????? or dino ???? OR MINGHAO !!!! minghao would have a main dancer position in your average kpop boy group lol also they have the audacity to be surprised that svt has a big loyal fandom jsgaakag it's so stupid and annoying sigh

AWWWW LOVE YOUR CHOICES!!! honestly yeah ymmdawn, henggarae and obvs al1 are my top 3 mini albums from svt!! really like you said they have it all, so i guess you prefer some darker concepts???

JSGSSLAGAKGAAKGAA FELT!!! THE WAY YOU LISTED HALF OF THEIR DISCOGRAPHY OH MY GOD SJAGAJA they really know what they're doing huh making the best music in the industry<3

ohh yeah they did design the track list for your choice misersbly skshsj but i liked the albums?? i actually love the packaging and all that i think it's beautiful and i can't stop staring, probably my favorite album physical wise so far

WHAT A COMBO DINO WOOZI COUPS SJSGSKSGSK DEADLY!!!!! love how you have a member for each subunit sjgssjg why do you like them? yk how i wrote a whole ass essay about hoshi? your turn!!

WOW!!!! YOUR BEST FRIEND IS A CARAT my best friend is not even into kpop 🥲 THAT'S FUN I AM JEALOUS OF YOU!! so i assume your best friend introduced svt to you??

my favorite seventeen concept hmm wow this is really hard ksgaajg i liked all of them but hmm for the sake of it i'll say thanks? because of the sentimental value, i like how they incorporated their creative process into a title track and also showed their gratitude?? thanks is probably in my top 3 choreos from svt too lol BUT I REALLY LIKED EVERYTHING SO FAR LOL; honorable mention: fear because dark concepts are rare for them and it was their first hoe concept for a tt so hehehe

OK LOOK I KNOW THIS IS CLICHE BUT nothing beats queen falling flower. i don't think the elaboration is needed here sjgshs

i am a casual kpop stan i like to keep up with everything that goes on in kpop hagsajga however i only call myself a 'carat' it feels wrong to call myself any other fandom name except maybe shawol, shinee was my first group so they're my first and big love<3 i used to be a diehard shawol jagajsg (now i'm a diehard carat) do we see a pattern here, shinee introduced the importance of dance and invented dance practice videos, svt took it on another level other than that i can't call myself a stan of any other group BUT I LIKE A LOT OF THEM CASUALLY AJGSSJGS also i'm more of a bg stan than gg stan, i mean i love ggs but not as much as i used to? seungkwan and i have the same taste for ggs sjsvwjg he's the kpop bestie i want<3 sooo yeah!! wbu??? are you a multi kpoppie too 🤪

have you ever been to their concert? in person

#SORRY FOR TAKING LONG TO REPLY :((((#answered #cloud anon ☁️

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yumeka36 · 4 years

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Frozen 2 story/lore complete analysis

Foreword: Even after writing my review a few days ago, there was still so much more I wanted to say about Frozen 2. Since the movie had its worldwide release, I've seen many posts by fans debating and interpreting the events of the plot and posing the same questions and concerns over and over. But so far I haven't seen anyone attempt to tackle everything in one comprehensive "guide." Since I'm the type of person who doesn't like posting bits of my thoughts here and there and would rather just say everything all at once in one big post and get it over with, that's what I'll be doing here: examining every major plot point of the movie in somewhat chronological order and giving my detailed interpretation. I'll be using evidence from the movie itself and the limited official sources we have such as the recent Into the Unknown podcast with Jennifer Lee, The Art of Frozen 2 book, and a few others. I'm writing this not only as a means of getting out all the thoughts and feelings I still need to express, but also to help others understand and appreciate this imperfect but still beautiful movie. I've written heavy lore analysis posts about other fandoms before (Five Nights at Freddy's lore was way harder!) so it's something I'm familiar with and enjoy doing. I think I'm pretty good at dissecting answers using even the most minute story details

-Note- there's a high probability that as the months and even years go by, we'll get more official evidence through books, interviews, merchandise, and maybe even new animated shorts and sequels that may invalidate some of the things I describe below. I'm considering coming back to this post at a future date to correct myself if enough of what I say is proven wrong. Let's see how long my interpretations can last!

King Runeard and the dam: Because King Runeard feared the magic of the Northuldra, he came up with a plan to construct a dam that would weaken their resources, under the guise of it being a gift, a bridge between the two villages. The dam disrupted their water sources, causing negative environmental effects on the forest. Since he feared the power of the spirits, it made sense he'd try to destroy the Northuldra in a subtle way rather than wage a war. The dam probably took many months to construct, so we can make the assumption that the group of Arendelle soldiers he brought to the forest as seen in Agnarr's flashbacks stayed with the Northuldra for a while. Further evidence is scenes of the Arendelle soldiers and Northuldra doing reindeer riding together, plus the memory in Ahtohallan of Iduna talking to Agnarr when he's reading a book. Obviously the two of them forged a good relationship during the months Agnarr stayed there. As this time went on, the Northuldra leader began to realize that the dam was doing more harm than good, so King Runeard had to make his final move. Once the war broke out, Iduna made her decision to save Agnarr and "stowaway" on an Arendelle wagon that managed to escape before the mist covered the land. One of the memories seen in "Show Yourself" is young Iduna calling to the spirits for help. We saw in another memory Elsa encounters, as well as Agnarr's flashback in the beginning, that Gale answered her call for help and carried Agnarr into the wagon, and Iduna followed. Since the Northuldra and Arendellian soldiers left behind in the forest were still at odds with each other, and the symbol of the atrocity, the dam, still stood, the spirits remained angry and kept their magic dormant, no longer letting the Northuldra use it. The elements still existed and behaved normally, but no longer in the magical ways the Northuldra were using them for.

The four spirits: The movie tells us that the four spirits are air (Gale), fire (Bruni), water (Nokk), and earth (earth giants). But we also are given the impression that they do a whole lot more than just use their elements. First off, it's discovered that they gave Elsa her powers as a gift because Iduna did the right thing by saving Agnarr even though he was the Northuldra's enemy (Anna put the pieces together and told Elsa during the shipwreck scene). It was a sign that the two sides could learn to get along again so they wanted to give Elsa the ability to find out this truth (use her ice to freeze the water's memories) should she choose to. This is also supported by the fact that the spirits evacuated the people of Arendelle in anticipation of Anna and Elsa discovering the truth and choosing to destroy the dam: the spirits wouldn't want to kill the people of Arendelle as not only would that be pretty evil, but the idea is for the Aredellians to realize the wrong their people committed and correct it, not to die for the sins of their ancestors. But again, this means the spirits – as in Bruni and the rest – did all this, and yet they don’t seem like creatures that make rationale, moral decisions (seriously, Bruni is a baby~). Like, I'm imagining the four of them having a "spirit meeting" (they probably communicate telepathically) and Nokk is like "yo, that Iduna girl did a good thing, let's give her daughter ice powers so she can come back and freeze all the water memories and discover the truth" and Bruni's like "sounds good" and Gale's like "let's do it!" Joking aside, I know even though they're represented as being non-human-like, there's more to them than that. It's similar to Japanese Shintoism in which gods and spirits can exist everywhere and take many forms, often animals, but that doesn't mean they don't have wisdom and power beyond that form. Bruni and the others must be like that too, a certain omnipotence beyond their physical form. Obviously they can control the elements in areas where they're not present (when they stopped all the elements in Arendelle at the beginning of the movie) as well as other godlike phenomena like granting powers to humans. Again, the exact nature of the four spirits and how they can carry out these extraordinary actions/decisions is one of the plot elements I mentioned in my review that's glossed over because there's simply not enough time to delve into it as it's the kind of thing that would take Harry Potter-sized books to fully flesh out. Like any other magical element in fairy tales, it doesn't pay to try and understand the exact "whys" and "hows" of the four spirits in Frozen 2 – I think what we're given in the movie and a little creative interpretation is enough.

Iduna and Agnarr: What did Iduna do immediately after she and Agnarr escaped the forest? The only evidence we have is a scene in Ahtohallan where she tells Agnarr (when they're both adults) that she needs to tell him who she really is and where she's from. This makes it clear that she separated from him after she saved him and stayed away until she had grown up enough that he wouldn't recognize her as the girl who had saved him. Interestingly, the Frozen 2 Junior Novelization book includes an extra memory Elsa passes by in Ahtohallan where she sees young Iduna in an orphanage in the woods outside Arendelle and a voice that says "No one knew who you were, you didn't have any family with you" (the book doesn't say who the voice is). The book also says that Iduna had put on some Arendelle clothing in the wagon she stowed away on with Agnarr. This further solidifies the fact that she was able to hide her identity as a Northuldra and somehow met up with Agnarr many years later after they had both grown up (exactly how she went from an orphan to meeting and then marrying the king of Arendelle is a story for another time). At some point the memory we saw played out where she finally confessed to him about who she was. Exactly when this happens though I'm not sure but the timing doesn't have a big impact on the plot. Obviously it'd have to be some time before they set off to find Ahtohallan. I'd like to think she confessed some time after Elsa accidentally struck Anna with her magic. They then spent many years secretly researching magic in a hidden room, as is described in The Forest of Shadows book (it's likely Agnarr was the only person who knew she was Northuldra). Eventually they made the decision to try and reach Ahtohallan themselves under the guise of going to the Southern Seas.

The voice: I've seen two interpretations of who the voice is – either the voice is within Elsa herself or it's Iduna's ghost/spirit calling to her from Ahtohallan. In the Into The Unknown podcast, Jen says that the voice Elsa hears is her mother's but doesn't go into detail. I don't think Iduna's ghost is literally calling to her but rather the magic side of Elsa, her mother's side, is what's calling her to Ahtohallan. When Elsa reaches the final chamber in "Show Yourself" after embracing her role as the fifth spirit, she's able to reveal the memories there…and the first memories she sees are Iduna's memories. The Iduna we see singing with her doesn't seem to be a memory since it's addressing her directly, so I think that Iduna's spirit/ghost lives on in the depths of Ahtohallan, waiting for Elsa to discover who she really is. Since we see young Iduna in the memory doing the voice (from when she's calling Gale to help her save Agnarr) the melody of the voice must be a universal call for the spirits that Iduna knew, being a Northuldra. As for why it took so long for Elsa to start hearing the voice, she was too consumed by fear and notions of isolation in the first movie to even think of her powers as a gift and what purpose they could serve. It took three years of being accepted by Anna and the people of Arendelle for her to reach a level of comfort that she could start thinking of grander things, like wanting to learn the origin of her powers and if there's some greater purpose she was meant to use them for. These feelings triggered the "magic side" of her, her mother's side, to starting crying out as a voice in her head. When she finally decided that she wanted to follow it, the spirits sensed that desire and awoke, then proceeded to evacuate Arendelle, in anticipation that she'd discover the truth and choose to do the right thing.

Why ice powers? As I described earlier in the post, although it's stated in the movie that Elsa's powers were a gift from the spirits, it was not stated specifically why they chose ice powers. I kinda like that we weren't spoon-fed that answer but once you think about what Elsa does with her powers throughout the movie it becomes clear: since water has memory, ice magic can freeze those memories and give them physical form, creating visual "moments in time" that can be used to discover the truth. No one but Elsa could have used her magic to freeze the memories in Ahtohallan and elsewhere in the enchanted lands to show the past events.

The shipwreck: It was revealed that Iduna and Agnarr were headed for Ahtohallan because they believed they could find out the secrets of Elsa's powers, evidenced by what Iduna wrote on the map and their final words during the shipwreck: "Ahtohallan must be the source of her magic" and "We keep going for Elsa." Olaf questions how they were able to get through the mist, suggesting that maybe they perished before the boat actually got to the enchanted forest, but the map reveals that they knew where the mist was and took a detour through the Dark Sea (this is better described in the Frozen 2 Junior Novelization).

Ahtohallan: Although the lullaby states that Ahtohallan is a river, we find out that the water is actually frozen, forming a huge glacier that still retains all memories. The main clues we have for exactly what Ahtohallan is lies in the notes Iduna wrote on the map that Anna and Elsa find in the shipwreck: "The end of the ice age, the river found but lost, magic's source, Elsa's source." The "ice age" could be referring to the fact that Ahtohallan, once a river, somehow froze during an ice age (when this ice age took place is unknown) becoming a glacier that drifted out into the Dark Sea. "The river found but lost" means the river still exists but is "lost" in the sense that all the memories are now hidden in the glacier instead of a free-flowing river. This could also refer to the fact that even if one finds the river, unless they have powers bestowed by the spirits, the memories will still be "lost" if they don't have the required magic to decipher the memories. The part that refers to Ahtohallan as "magic's source" is the most interesting. Ahtohallan isn't only the source of memories but of magic, evidenced by the fact that we see each of the four spirits connect with Elsa in Ahtohallan, with each of their elemental symbols becoming part of her as she takes her place in the center. Her transformation into the fifth spirit couldn't have taken place anywhere but Ahtohallan – it's a "hub" for the spirits' magic, since magic is required to reveal the memories there. The last part of the note, "Elsa's source," reinforces this: as I described in the section above, the power to manipulate ice and freeze water is essential for finding the secrets of Ahtohallan, and this power is what the spirits gave Elsa. How this actually works isn't too complicated: all the memories we see are either of Elsa's own memories or of people close to her, like Anna and her parents. I think it's logical to conclude that all memories exist in Ahtohallan, but the further away those memories are from you – i.e, memories of someone you don't know, memories from a long time ago, or memories that very few people know about – can be considered "deep" memories that require going further and further into the depths to uncover, running the risk of going "too far." (Ahtohallan memories are different from memories she revealed in the forest: there she froze the memories that existed in that spot specifically whereas Ahtohallan contains memories unbounded by time and space, but with the risk of going too deep). This is why she had to go to such lengths to find out what really happened with King Runeard: not only was this a memory from someone she never actually met from decades ago, but it was a secretive memory only a couple people knew about. But even though Elsa has ice magic, there's no reason to assume she's invulnerable to other ice magic, especially the "ultimate" ice magic straight from the original source, Ahtohallan. This is why even she succumbed to the consequences of going too far into deep memories – the lullaby states "not too far or you'll be drowned," but since Ahtohallan is a glacier now, you get frozen instead. @spicylove4ever wrote a post interpreting Ahtohallan too, I recommend it.

The fifth spirit: Elsa's role as the fifth spirit is probably the most debated topic in Frozen 2 – out of all the plot points I describe here, it's the one that has the least information to go by. All we know of the fifth spirit is that it’s a bridge between humans and the magic of nature. By the end of the movie, Elsa is shown to have a closer bond with the four other spirits and her magic has gotten stronger, but that's about it. She was shown to tame the spirits during her journey, but she never tamed the earth giants, which makes me believe that taming them was not a prerequisite for becoming the fifth spirit: the spirits became active and sought her out, being drawn by her magic, and she tamed the ones she encountered. She probably would have tamed the earth giants too if Anna hadn’t stopped her. But we see that even the earth giants are friendly to her after her transformation, so I feel their connection to her is the result rather than the requirement. But now that the wrong of the past has been revealed and corrected, as far as what she does everyday in the forest and how much of it is "duty" vs "self-fulfillment" remains unclear. But one thing that is clear to me that people are concerned about is whether she's still human or is now a literal goddess/spirit. I think the term "spirit" is purely figurative. She never actually transforms into another type of being or appears to ascend to some astral plane beyond the human world – she literally just gets a new dress and hairstyle, just like the first movie, and besides being more powerful and more confident in herself, everything else about her is the same. She wasn't immune to dying to Ahtohallan's magic either, showing that she's not immortal and didn't gain ultimate powers over all. Jen even states in the podcast that she considers both Anna and Elsa the fifth spirit/bridge, further showing that the term is used loosely and not meant to be taken literally. Another point is how different Elsa is compared to the other spirits: they have a sense of being ancient, ethereal creatures that have existed unchanged for who knows how long. Unless something outrageously different about Elsa is revealed now that she has this new role, all evidence still points to her being a normal human that happens to have magical powers. Another interesting point is that there doesn't seem to be a fifth spirit until Elsa came along, so one could make the assumption that fifth spirits are humans like her who are given special magical gifts when the need arises. So they don't exist all the time, and since they're human, they have the lifespan of one and don't live on forever like the other four spirits. If another human was the fifth spirit before Elsa, they probably lived long ago, before even King Runeard's time. Honeymaren said that people thought they heard the fifth spirit call out the day the forest fell, but we know that cry was actually young Iduna calling to the spirits to help her save Agnarr. I don't believe Iduna was the fifth spirit before Elsa since there's no evidence that she had powers, only that she used the spirits' powers the same way the other Northuldra did. And if she was the fifth spirit, why couldn't she have gone to Ahtohallan to reveal and correct the past instead of Elsa? No, the fifth spirit has to have magic in order to utilize Ahtohallan, it has to be a human born with magic to have both the human side and magic side. So whether there was a fifth spirit before Elsa and who it was, or if there wasn't, why is a fifth spirit needed now and what that role entails, are questions that have stumped even me. I'll be keeping my eyes peeled for any events and panels with the Frozen 2 creators in the coming months/years, hoping for an opportunity to get these answers from them…assuming they don't get answered beforehand in future franchise installments (otherwise debates like this will continue forever with no resolution!) @vuelie-frost also wrote a good post about Elsa's transformation into the fifth spirit and what it means so give it read.

Destiny and choice: A common criticism of Elsa's story arc in Frozen 2 is that she was forced into her destiny as the fifth spirit and didn't really have a choice, since the only way to get the voice to shut up was to go to Ahtohallan. This is true, but the important part is what happens after that. She no longer hears the voice once she finally realizes that she's the fifth spirit, so once the forest was saved and everything was resolved, she definitely had a choice at that point to return to being queen of Arendelle or stay in the forest and cultivate her connection to the other spirits. If I were in her position and had that kind of incredible power, no matter how happy I am with my life, I'd always want to know why I had such a gift and if there's a higher purpose I could use it for. In the podcast, Jen said that Elsa was a good queen but had an even higher calling and one she eventually feels more comfortable with. She also mentions that she still considers Elsa an introvert, further confirming that she still retains her humanity and didn’t suddenly become “perfect” after her transformation. Elsa's obviously overcome with joy when she finds this out in "Show Yourself," so is it really that outlandish that after this emotional self-discovery she decides to continue exploring this newfound purpose? And again, it's not like she's completely giving up her family for this new role because she still sees them often. She can now satisfy both of her desires – learning more about her powers and connection to the spirits while still maintaining her bond with her family. I really wish the movie made this a bit more clear – even just one more short scene of Anna and Elsa together after Anna becomes queen and a few words on how they each feel about their new roles would have put minds at ease. But for what they gave us, it can still easily be interpreted this way.

The flood: Another criticism I've heard for Frozen 2's ending is that Arendelle should have been washed away in the flood, showing that they had to make a true sacrifice to right a past wrong. One of the pages of The Art of Frozen 2 describes an alternate ending where Arendelle castle (it just says "castle," not sure if the rest of the kingdom was spared) was destroyed in the flood and then rebuilt, incorporating some Northuldra elements. With the way the movie actually ended, nothing was sacrificed…but why do we need a sacrifice? I know the mythology book that leaked months before the movie's release said that Pabbie predicted that a sacrifice had to be made…but that same book never actually described the flood and said that Arendelle was saved in the end, so who knows? But whether the sacrificing of Arendelle was something early in the story's development that was eventually scrapped, I think the outcome we got now is just as valid. The final version of the movie had no hinting of any sacrificing that needed to be made, only about discovering the truth and doing the next right thing, which is just what Anna and Elsa did. But in a way, they did make sacrifices, or at least they intended to, with Elsa going too far into Ahtohallan so she could uncover the truth, knowing it could lead to her death, and Anna destroying the dam, knowing it means destruction for Arendelle. And because they were willing to go that far to set things right, the spirits rewarded them by saving Elsa who could then save Arendelle. While the message of the alternate ending was "a sacrifice must be made to right a past wrong even if the current generation had nothing to do with it," the message we actually got was "if you do what is right and true even if it means making a sacrifice, things may still turn out better in the end." I think both messages have merit but the creators eventually decided to go with the latter, which isn't any points against it in my opinion. Of course, the flood still could have hit Arendelle accidentally, for example, Elsa wasn’t able to reach it in time. But considering all the hardship and grief the girls had gone through and how the movie already went to a pretty dark place in “The Next Right Thing,” I can’t fault the creators for wanting to make the ending as happy as possible, with Elsa feeling triumphant that she was able to keep her promise to protect Arendelle and Anna not having to lose her homeland.

The bridge: When Honeymaren explains the fifth spirit to Elsa, she describes it as a bridge between humans and the magic of nature. This makes it seem like Elsa herself is the bridge (since she's a human with magic), but as she says to Anna at the end, a bridge has two sides and their mother had two daughters. After giving it some thought, I realized that yes, Elsa is the embodiment of the fifth spirit, but the bridge part of it comes from Anna…as in, Elsa could not have succeeded with her goal without Anna's help. Even Jen confesses in the podcast that Anna is definitely the bridge part but she considers both of them the fifth spirit in a way. Perhaps the spirits knew that magic alone wouldn't be enough, they knew that in order to discover such deeply hidden memories, one would have no choice but to "go too far" into Ahtohallan. More evidence for this is that the mist only parted for Elsa when she was holding Anna's hand (we don't see them each alone try to pass through but we do see Elsa shoot her magic into the mist only to have it bounce back). If Elsa were to do this alone, she still would have discovered the truth but she definitely would have had to sacrifice herself to do it…and in doing that, who would there be to act on the truth and destroy the dam. Even if she was able to relay the message back to the others via ice magic sculptures the way she did for Anna, would someone like Matthias who's still bitter towards the Northuldra and fiercely loyal to Arendelle go through with destroying the dam? That's why Anna had to be there: Elsa was the part of the bridge that used magic to discover the truth and Anna was the human side that had to carry it out. When Anna chose to do the right thing and destroy the symbol of the past wrong (the dam) even though it meant flooding her homeland, the spirits rewarded both sisters’ actions by saving Elsa who was then able to save Arendelle before the tidal wave hit. It's not clear whether the spirits influenced Anna's birth the way they did Elsa's just for the sake of all this, but it's possible. And this all goes back to the major emphasis the filmmakers have made about Elsa being a mythical character, Anna being a fairy tale character, and how, similar to the first movie, Elsa would have the typical tragic fate of many myths were it not for Anna's fairy tale influence saving the day. Of course, Elsa’s statement at the end that “they did this together” is true, but when she follows-up with “and we’ll continue to do this together” and, later, Anna says as the statue of Iduna and Agnarr is unveiled, that their “land and people are now connected by love” can only imply that the sisters will be working together to mend the relationship between Arendelle and the Northuldra. We don’t actually see this unfold in the epilogue due to how limited it is and, assuming it takes place not too much later (a month maybe?) it’ll take time for the two sides to truly start mingling. But this, along with how our beloved sisters adapt to their new roles, are stories begging to be told in Frozen 3. Keeping the faith that it will happen someday~

Sources:

Into the Unknown podcast with Jennifer Lee

The Art of Frozen 2

Frozen 2 Junior Novelization (thanks @99884321 for the screenshots!)

#frozen 2 #frozen 2 spoilers #frozen2 #frozen #disney frozen

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a-student-out-of-time · 4 years

Note

(Mod, can this anon just say I really appreciate how much self-control you have? When that Haiji defender showed up on your blog, you just said "get off my blog". This anon really appreciates how you didn't scream at them, accuse the person of secretly being a pedophile themself, tell them to kill themself or to choke on broken glass, encourage your followers to harass Haiji fans, etc. Today's generation of pop-culture-fandom could learn from your example.)

//Now that you bring this up, if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to talk for a bit about fandom toxicity.

//There is, in a way, a feeling of entitlement and ownership when it comes to characters or properties. That, because these things hold a special place in our hearts, that they belong to us and that our interpretation of them is the correct one and that anyone who disagrees is wrong.

//So when there comes creative decisions or opinions made by others with those properties, even ones by the actual creator of the work, that don’t match up to our own, there can come a feeling that these are a direct attack against us as well. With that comes a lot of the worst parts of fan culture: harassment, insults, bullying, threats, and even actual attacks on these people.

//But the truth is, these people were probably just expressing their feelings and emotions about the same work, because they enjoy it too. They were never trying to directly or indirectly attack you, they just simply had a different opinion. It’s important to keep that in mind: the people you talk to online are human beings with thoughts and feelings of their own, and those feelings are rarely going to be the exact same as yours.

//An unfortunate part of the problem are the inherent psychological biases that we all have, and confirmation bias especially. Where we’ll focus on information we agree with (even if it’s factually wrong) and ignore anything that conflicts with that (even if it’s factually correct). This goes beyond just fandom, but I’m going to stay on topic.

//There is not a single human being at any point in history who hasn’t been guilty of these biases. You, me, everyone you’ve ever met, we’ve all done it at one point or another. The issue is when these biases get us to leap toward intolerant conclusions about those whose viewpoints we disagree with. “You don’t have the same opinion as me, so you must be stupid/evil/bigoted/brainwashed/etc.”

//It can be so easy to draw those conclusions about people, especially when the arguments aren’t well-structured and you’re in the heat of the moment. But let’s be real: we’re never all going to 100% agree on everything. And that’s okay. Hell, if we did, that sounds more like a dystopian nightmare scenario where free thinking has been suppressed.

//And thinking is an activity I’ve always encouraged. Toxicity is ultimately at odds with critical thinking, where any dissenting opinion is hunted down and suppressed and anyone who speaks up is bullied into silence. That is not what my blogs are about. It does kinda make me sad that I’m being praised for not being a toxic asshole, because I don’t really feel like that’s praiseworthy. I want that to be a normal thing.

//Here’s an experiment: take your favorite DR character and ask yourself why you like them. What is it about them that drew you to them? Their personality? Their backstory? Their role in the narrative of whichever game they were in? When you have those reasons in mind, consider the following: what about this character is flawed? What about them is inherently dark or troubling? Why might someone else dislike them?

//And then work backwards from there: take your least favorite DR character and ask yourself why you dislike them. Then find all the ways why someone else might like them without diving straight into intolerant conclusions. Look past the surface and dig a bit deeper to see what exactly makes them tick.

//That’s not me asking for essays, that’s something I want you all to consider for yourselves.

//I’ll be the first to admit I really disliked Junko. I didn’t consider her all that interesting of a character or a villain, and she just cames off as very annoying and overblown to me. I considered everything that she sets in motion to be far more interesting.

//I have, however, seen a lot analyses and in-depth looks at her as a character and after going through those, I came away with a lot of insights I didn’t even consider before. My opinion hasn’t changed too much, but I can definitely see (DR3 notwithstanding) all the way she can and does make for a interesting villain.

//So the takeaway is, even if you don’t end up changing your opinion, you can at least say “I still disagree, but I’ve gained some perspective into why someone would feel this way and I’m better for it.” Critical thinking does not mean you have to give up your opinions, and there does exists a very wide middle ground between total agreement and toxic harassment.

//But critical thinking is at odds with the idea that it’s best to retcon, ignore, or fabricate details of canon that we disagree with to justify those opinions. This is why I got so mad at the anon who claimed Haiji was talking about fictional underage girls, something that is not at all substantiated by evidence in the game. You can’t simply ignore these details because you don’t like them.

//Critical thinking is about being able to either say, “Okay, I fully acknowledge that these details about this character I like are problematic and I understand why it might upset people, but they’re not the sole or central reason why I like this character”, or “Okay, after careful analysis, maybe I was wrong about what I originally thought about them.”

//Me personally, I look at these details and ask “Okay, but how can we build off of this? Can we tell a new story with it?” For example, while SDRA2 Chapter 0 left a bad taste in most everyone’s mouths, I didn’t want to just retcon it. Instead, thought Kokoro being regretful over her actions and wanting to reconnect with her daughter would make for a very interesting story.

//But the most important part of this that I’d want anyone to take away is that it’s important to listen to others and consider their viewpoints as well, and again without immediately jumping toward conclusions and talking over them before they make their case. Listen to people, ask them questions, and remember that on the other end of the conversation is another human being with thoughts and feelings of their own.

//Now, there is that invisible fear that “understand that others have different opinions” is shorthand for “just accept that some people are into r*pe/inc*st/p*dophilia and let them make content of it.” I promise you that is not at all what I’m suggesting here. I hope my previous angry rant about Haiji cemented that fact.

//What I am saying is that we need to be acutely aware of both the thoughts and feelings of others and those of ourselves. That it’ll be better for us as well as others to apply critical thinking and careful insight into our opinions, not taking them as inherent fact simply because we hold them, and understand that others will not always enjoy the same content the same way we do.

//And most importantly, being able to separate those who are willing to listen vs. those who’ll prefer to stay toxic, bitter, and unmoving is a very important skill to learn. There is no shame in withdrawing yourself from any sort of talk with a person who upsets people for fun, and it will be better for your health in the long run.

//Finally, let’s be real, what’s gained from arguing with people online? People who you never have and probably never will meet? Not much. But if someone is not going to budge and only wants to share their toxicity with the world, it’s better for you to simply walk away, block them, cut yourself off, and move on. Their toxicity is their deal, and it doesn’t have to be yours.

//But I also think there are people who are willing to listen, who may simply not know that they’re engaging in things that are hurtful or toxic. And some frank but kind insight as to why can change their opinions. A willingness to listen, not to just defend their position, is what’s important.

//I’ll be completely honest here and say I was in that position once. I’ve said and thought some awful things before, and I feel so fortunate that I met the right people who stopped me from going down that road before I got too far. Not with hostility or arguments, but honest and kind discussions and insights.

//As fans and as people in general, we can, should, and need to be better. That’s why I don’t want my space to be full of hate and bullying, but just storytelling and creative discussions, where people are welcome to express their opinions, and even if we disagree, that’s alright. We’ve at least gained some insight into each others’ views ^^

//Compassion and wisdom are what I consider the most important virtues, and being more critical of ourselves is how I think we can solve the issue of fandom toxicity. That’s what I’ve tried to apply here. My goal is just to tell a good story for you all to enjoy here, and I appreciate each and every one of you who’ve followed, liked, reblogged, or even just considered any of my posts worthwhile to read

//And if you made it all the way through this, I hope you’ll consider everything I’ve said here as well. You can’t change every single toxic person out there, but you can change yourself for the better and encourage others to do the same.

#mod talks #mod rambles #a student out of time #I didn't have any bad experiences recently I promise #this has just been on my mind for a while and I felt like sharing #Anonymous

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todaydreambelievers · 5 years

Text

TDB’s Final Bow

Every journey has an end...

There’s a joke out there that reads - Bilbo Baggins was abruptly awoken to his alarm clock playing Don’t Stop Believin’. It was an Unexpected Journey. :D I especially appreciate that joke because Bilbo has always been one of my fictional character kindred spirits. :D :D

Four years ago, Glee ended, and I was a little at a loss for what I was going to do with my life. I knew that I had more Glee thoughts, and things I wanted to say, and I had just met so many great people in fandom, that I feared that without Glee to hold us together, I’d be left alone in the wastelands that are the internet. So, after talking it through with a good friend (@multsicorn - this is a shoutout to you) I decided to start To Daydream Believers. (And in case you’re wondering - no I didn’t spell ‘to’ wrong, it was meant to be a celebration - a toast! but also a pun.)

My intention was to give a safe space for people who enjoyed both Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson - because way back when, there wasn’t one. Either you liked one or the other, but if you claimed you liked ‘Klaine’ then you were a 12yo who counted kisses and whose opinion didn’t deserve recognition. I tried to make this space as welcoming and positive as I could - and today, it amazes me that I ever had to give such stipulations because this community has grown and learned from each other, and we have become a place where you can enjoy Kurt and Blaine equally. I am incredibly proud of that. And I’m grateful that I’ve had a small part in trying to heal a very splintered and angry fandom.

Amazingly, TDB started as just a fic prompt blog. It was meant to keep the creative spirits going and the fic flowing. But over the years it blossomed into so much more. We began to add in Author Spotlights and Tournaments and Polls and meta discussions (all of which you can find on the main blog site, btw). And then - I’m not sure how it happened but I decided I’d try a podcast and then - y’all talked me into doing the rewatch. And here we are!

I was advised early on to only keep going as long as I was having fun, and I did! But projects aren’t meant to last forever. I knew the podcast would have a finite date - Glee is, after all, a closed canon, and there is only so much one can bring to the table of a story that had long finished. I purposely timed the end of the podcast to go along with the end of the rewatch. I knew when the end would be a long, long time ago.

In truth, running this blog and doing a podcast is almost like a second job. And while I’m grateful for the experience, I was beginning to get a little worn down. I knew that it was time for me to move on with other endeavors - but I’m incredibly proud that I was able to see the project to its end. We discussed and watched every episode of the show, looked deeply into every subject, talked about every aspect of Kurt and Blaine and Glee that I could come up with. I feel like this is an extensive look at a show and characters who’ve touched so many of our hearts. And the fact that it’s now complete is amazing to me.

They say go out on a high note - and I really feel that I am.

I don’t really know how to express how much this blog, this podcast, this community has meant to me. You guys have taken me through some dark times, through some hard personal things, and brought me through us living in what is probably not the best time line (lol). But you’ve also helped me grow as a person and expand my horizons. I’ve met so many wonderful people whom I’m grateful to now call friends.

I’m no longer scared that once I wrap up my own chapter on Glee, that I’ll lose the community we’ve built. Sure, we’ll be in new, different places in our lives, talking about new obsessions and exploring new things and god I’ll say it - going into new directions. But sharing Glee will always be a bond that connects us. And that is special.

I want people to know that even though TDB is coming to its natural conclusion - fandom doesn’t have to end here.

There are still parts that will always be going. @todaydreambelieversfic will always be active as long as someone has a new fic to share. There’s the Discord Channel that will continue to be up as long as someone wants to talk about anything. And of course, you can always find me on my personal blog @spaceorphan18 to chat about anything you like! You know I’m always up for a conversation. As long as Kurt and Blaine remain in our hearts - fandom is always alive.

TDB’s end is here, but know that I’m never saying goodbye to any of you.

Glee is about opening yourself up to joy. And all of you have given me so much joy throughout the years. Thank you for being on this journey with me. <3

Much love always,

~SpaceOrphan18 xoxo

#tdb rewatch #tdb rewatch finale celebration #tdb podcast #and that's a series wrap on spaceorphan #thank you for being here with me at the end of all things

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thechildoflightning · 4 years

Text

The Kübler-Ross Model Ch3- Bargaining

Title: The Kübler-Ross Model [Masterpost]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: background LAMP

~~~

Chapter Title: Bargaining- Chapter Three

Summary:

Stage Three: Bargaining- Characterized by making internal and external deals in order to cope with or even attempt to fix a loss.

In which Remy is talking, but not nearly enough.

Warnings: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Suicide & Rape & Hate Crimes (all mentioned), Transphobia & Racism & Fatphobia & Ableism (all mentioned)

[ao3 link]

Bargaining- Chapter Three

“Selected: Voicemail. One item. Tab one of one,” Remy’s phone claims, direct and to the point. Remy knows it’s from his dad, he’s the only one leaving Remy voicemails. He puts his finger to the screen, sliding it around as he searches for the desired section.

“Voicemail.”

One finger down.

“Daniel Zurko. M-”

Double tap.

“Look Remy, I get that you’re not happy. I know how much going to university meant to you. I get that, okay? But it just isn’t realistic and you need to accept that. I- look why don’t you come home? The college in town is great, maybe you can take a few courses there. I think it’s too late to sign up for this semester but maybe you can start in the spring. I know they don’t have some of the sculpture classes you were interested in but they have some creative writing courses and that’s pretty much the same thing, right? Just… Please call me. We can work something out together.”

A little while later, Remy and Patton settle in the living room. Patton sits on the couch and Remy’s a few feet away on the floor, hugging his dog as he slowly stops sniffling. Cha-Cha helps him out, covering his face in kisses to get rid of the tears. Remy laughs little and pushes her away after a moment.

The small chuckles ring out as the only noise in the room.

Patton still doesn’t speak.

Remy quickly falls silent.

“I came out as trans when I was fourteen,” Patton eventually says, “But- I- I mean I don’t- there wasn’t one moment for me. I- gosh I debated it for forever.”

Patton stops and Remy considers. Remy’s kind of surprised in all honesty. Patton has always seemed so sure of himself that it surprises Remy that Patton ever had any sort of doubt.

“Why- why’d it take so long?” Remy asks carefully.

Patton hums.

“I guess- I was scared. That was definitely a big piece. There was this huge fear of what it would mean for my life if I was trans. Everything would change.”

Remy swallows hard.

“I was- I didn’t know what my family would think. I mean- I knew they were supportive but it’s different when it’s your kid, y’know? And there’s all the statistics of suicide attempts, rape numbers, hate crimes, it was a lot.

“And I- I was also scared I was wrong? Because- because there’s this idea of what a black girl’s supposed to be like, y’know? And I had never been that. But I thought- I thought maybe it was just that? Maybe I wasn’t trans, maybe I was just pissed at the racist standards that follow black girls? And I hated my body but like- how much of that was trans versus being disabled? Versus being fat? So there were all these reasons that screamed at me that I was faking, that I wasn’t valid, that I could never be trans. It was scary because what if I was wrong, what if I was faking?”

Remy’s so scared of being wrong.

“If you were so scared of being wrong- how did you figure out that you were right?”

“I kept coming back to it,” Patton answered honestly, “And I thought- gosh if I keep having these excuses of why I’m not trans but I still end up here again and again and again, questioning my gender and so unhappy, then it’s gotta be true, right?”

Remy thinks she understands.

“And that was it at first, it still is,” Patton continues, “A big part of it now is trusting myself. I’m happy as a guy. It feels right. It is right. I’ve always been a guy. But there’s still doubts, and I guess I deal with those with just accepting them? Because maybe I am faking. Like- maybe. I mean I know I’m trans, but I think I’m always going to have that doubt. And if I’m always going to have that doubt, I’m going to live the way that makes me happy in the meantime. Does that make any sense?

“Yes,” Remy says, and she means it. “Yes. Yes. It does.”

Patton offers a small hum.

“Patton,” Remy says, and she's desperate now, oh so desperate. “Patton,” she insists. “Patton, I’m a girl.”

“Okay.”

Remy cries for the second time that night.

Patton offers a hug, and Remy shakily gets to her feet to collapse into his side. Patton wraps her up firm and tight and he listens to her. He listens and he hugs and he soothes.

It’s so nice.

Her mom never did this for her. She got so sick so fast that it had always been Remy comforting her than the other way around.

Her dad had, or he tried at least. He had wrapped Remy up, wrapped her up in layers and layers of bubble wrap, leading to suffocation instead of protection. Remy’s dad hugged her but it had always felt wrong. It always felt like it was about her dad, never actually about herself. His hugs were given as proof that Remy needed him, needed his suffocation, versus providing any actual care or comfort.

Remy hated that she almost missed them.

She curled into Patton a bit more. Patton lifted one hand to gently stroke her hair, soft ‘it's okay, it’s all going to be okay’ on repeat.

It takes her longer to stop crying this time.

“So,” Patton says, “Where do you want to go with this?”

“I’m a girl,” Remy says again. This time it's a bit stronger. “I’m a trans woman.”

“Okay. Absolutely,” Patton says, “That’s amazing and I’m so happy for you.”

There’s a pause.

“Can I ask about names and pronouns?” Patton prods gently.

“I… Uh,” Remy falters, because she hasn’t really thought this far yet.

“You can take all the time you need,” Patton adds, gentle and sweet, “And while I want you to feel like you can share this with me, you don’t have to either.”

“No- I- She. She/her. I- Feminine language too? Is that the word for that? I-” Remy pauses here. She tenses up, prepares for a fight. She doesn’t think Patton’s going to like what she has to say next, but she has to say it because it feels right. It feels so right, and she’s willing to defend it. “I’m keeping Remy. My name is still Remy.”

“Okay.”

Remy’s body relaxes, then tenses again. “Okay?”

“Of course Remy, whatever you’re feeling is valid. One hundred percent. I’m here to support you.”

“I- I just kept my name?”

“Well you can always change it later-” Patton admits. Remy winces. “Or you can keep it. It’s your name. All that matters is that you’re happy with it.”

“But-” Remy flounders. And it’s so stupid, Patton said it’s fine, why is Remy looking for a fight, “But?”

“Did you know my name is legally Patton Agnes Wilson?” Patton says abruptly.

Remy did not. She shakes her head slightly.

“Yeah I-” Patton continues, before stopping suddenly, “And I just pulled out my ID to show you. Putting that away now.”

Remy lets out a light laugh, and truly relaxes.

“Yeah. When my moms adopted me they gave me the first name Agnes, but I always went by my middle name- my deadname. My deadname hurt. A lot. So I chose Patton. But Agnes, Agnes meant something to me? And I didn’t want to lose that. So I made it my middle name, got rid of my deadname and made Patton my first,” Patton explains. He pauses once more, “Did I say that right?”

He seems to be questioning himself more than Remy. He starts to mutter the sentence under his breath again, revising it.

“Yeah you said that right,” Remy confirms.

Patton laughs, and it sounds like bells.

“Okay. Good. But my point is- your name is your name, not anyone else's.”

“My mom named me Remy,” she admits, “I- my middle name is Alan. After my great-grandfather. That can go,” she insists, making a face.

“I can understand that,” Patton says wryly.

“Yeah.”

“Have you come out to anyone else yet?”

“No,” Remy sais, “No. No I don't think I was even out to myself. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

Remy and Patton haven’t talked a lot. She knows that this conversation has to be painfully uncomfortable for Patton. After all, Remy did just show up at his house, live with him for a few months, leave for college, and then demand he share about being trans. Patton doesn’t even know her.

“I’m glad you did. I’m really glad I could help you with this.”

Patton’s such a good person. Remy’s so appreciative of that.

The door opens and seconds later there's excited skittering paws on the floor as Trixie races over to say hi to Cha-Cha. Cha-Cha perks up at the attention and they quickly begin to play with one another. Remy smiles at their energy and let’s them be.

“Remy?” Virgil asks, “Are you okay?”

She wants to say she’s fine, but maybe, well maybe she isn’t. She isn’t fine at all. She doesn’t know what to say.

(She thinks maybe she should tell Virgil she’s a girl. She did just figure it out, but it’s important. Virgil would understand. He would. But there’s something that tells Remy that she can’t. Not yet).

“I- I dunno? I’m upset,” she admits.

“About?”

“Kind of everything?”

“Do you want to talk?”

“I- me and Pat were talking a bit?”

Virgil pauses then stands.

“Okay. I’ll let you be then. But if you need to talk- I’m here okay? You have people supporting you.”

Remy nods, because she doesn’t think she can force words around the choked feeling in her chest.

Virgil leaves.

“I don’t want to tell Virgil yet,” Remy says immediately after he leaves, “Or Logan. Or Roman. Or anyone. I told you, just don’t tell anyone else yet, please.”

“That you’re trans?”

Remy’s trans. She’s trans. It feels so freeing even as it terrifies her.

“Yeah,” Remy confirms, “I don’t think I’m ready for that.”

“Okay, that’s fine. It’s yours to share.”

A pause sits between them.

“Can I write this down?” Patton asks for a moment, “I write down important stuff to remember in my phone so when I forget I have it all. I wanted to ask because while my boyfriends would never read my notes unless I told them it was okay, it’s obviously still going to be out there in some way. But I want to write it down because there’s a very high chance I will forget.”

“Yeah, that’s okay,” Remy agrees.

“Thank you,” Patton says. He presumably pulls out his phone to do exactly that. “It’s getting late and I have a class at nine tomorrow. Did you want to talk more or…?”

“No, no, you can go to bed,” Remy insists, “I’m good, yeah. I'm just going to go middle name searching now. Uh how the hell do I even go about that choosing a new name?”

“Baby websites. They were created for expecting parents, trans people, and authors.”

Remy rolls her eyes at the comment.

She then groans. Like yeah, she wants to find a better middle name than Alan. But she does not want to be searching through millions of names to find the right one. How do parents do this?

“That’s gonna be so many names. Have any suggestions?”

Patton hesitates.

“Yeah?” Remy asks

“I- well. If you want… Eileen was my deadname. But if you want you can use that?”

Patton’s words are casual but Remy can feel the weight behind them, the power. Remy is absolutely floored by the offer.

“I… really?” she asks.

“I mean if you want. It’s an idea. There’s a lot of names out there.”

“But you would be okay with that?” Remy confirms, because she is honored but she doesn’t want to take something that will make Patton uncomfortable.

“Yeah,” he says, “I mean it’s not like I’m using it.”

“Remy Eileen Zurko,” she says, “Remy Eileen Zurko.” She smiles and knows she must look like an idiot.

“Yeah?” Patton asks.

“Yeah,” Remy chokes out, “Yeah I love it.”

They sit in silence for a moment.

“Okay, I’m headed to bed.” Patton says, “Uh, the bedroom you stayed in is still empty. Extra towels are under the sink… I think. If you want to shower or anything.”

Remy gives a nod and Patton gets up to leave. Before he can fully exit, Remy calls out once more.

“Patton?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

Remy’s not quite sure what she’s thanking Patton for in particular. Maybe the name. Maybe for the advice. Maybe for listening. Maybe for the entire conversation in general. Maybe just for being here.

But Remy is. Thankful that is. She’s so thankful.

“Of course. Really.”

Patton means it. Remy knows he does. It makes everything inside of her hurt.

When Patton really is gone, Remy gets up from the couch as well and makes it to the empty bedroom. She closes the door softly behind her and pulls out her phone, opening Kai’s contact. She has some apologizing to do.

“We’re going for a walk,” Logan announces, as he enters the doorway to the room Remy’s staying with. He blocks a fair amount of light, and Remy’s eyes struggle to adjust.

“Uh… I was actually about to leave. Maybe another time,” Remy bargains, because she was about to leave. Plus she thinks she might know where this conversation is going and she really doesn’t want to have it.

“Okay,” Logan says, and Remy thinks she’s won. “Then I’ll walk with you back to your dorm.” Nope, Remy’s trapped.

Remy doesn’t have any actual reason to refuse. So she accepts with a sigh and nods. She grabs her bag and heads for the door. At the door, she gets Cha-Cha in her harness and quickly steps outside, Logan trailing behind her.

The minute she steps outside she’s hit with blinding light and takes a step backward into Logan as she squeezes her eyes shut.

“Remy?” Logan asks.

She ignores him for a minute, fumbling through her bag for her familiar sunglasses. Which she of course doesn’t have. Because she came here when it was dark out last night with a rushed back of minimal school supplies. Of course.

“Logan, do you have any sunglasses I can borrow?” she asks.

“Yes,” he answers, “One moment.”

He’s gone the next seconds and Remy keeps her eyes shut and sits down on ground, lying her head in her arms as she hopes for it to stop pounding.

“Hey,” Logan says, rejoining her. He sits down next to her. “Here.”

Remy holds out her hand and Logan hands her a pair of sunglasses. She takes a minute, letting the shooting pain in her head relax a bit. After that, she lifts her head and slips the sunglasses on, slowly opening her eyes.

“You okay?” Logan asks.

There’s still bright spots in her vision and her head hurts, but both are fading. Her eyes also struggle to adjust to the change in light, but that’s nothing new.

“Yeah,” Remy says. She waits another minute for the panging in her head to die to a dull ache.

She then stands. “Dorm?”

“Okay,” Logan says, “Do you want me to guide or Cha-Cha?”

Remy answers by grabbing his upper arm right above his elbow. They start walking, Logan guiding.

Logan makes a clicking noise as they make their way to Remy’s dorm. Remy just zones out and starts to think about how she’s going to apologize to Kai and Elliot in person. She texted them both last night, but Remy still knows they both deserve in-person apologies. She shouldn't have snapped at them.

Eventually Logan stops the clicking noise and reaches up to pat at his chest instead. He hesitates for a brief moment and then begins to talk.

“I’m worried about you,” he begins.

Remy just waits. She doesn’t want to have this conversation. But maybe if she listens- or pretends to at least- maybe Logan will voice his concerns and let her go.

“You are of course welcome to stay with us whenever you want. That isn’t what this is about and I want to make that clear. You always have a place here, okay?”

“Okay,” Remy says.

“Virgil doesn’t want to talk to you about this,” Logan confesses, “He thinks we should give you space.”

That means Logan disagrees. Remy wishes he’d just follow in Virgil’s example. It’s easier that way.

“I’m also not going to ask about last night. I don’t know exactly what happened, but Patton expressed that it wasn’t- that it was different.”

“Different than what?” Remy can’t help but ask. She regrets it at once.

“Different than what I’m worried about. Or maybe part of it? Playing a role? But not the main idea.”

Remy stays quiet this time.

“You don’t seem happy,” Logan admits after a moment, “I thought things would maybe get better when you were away from your dad for a little bit. And in a sense I think you are doing better. But you aren’t doing… You still seem off. Not only unhappy, but… You seem detached? I’m not sure if that’s the right word, but it concerns me.”

“I’m fine.”

She isn’t. She knows she isn’t now, but for some reason she’s still unwilling to share that with Logan.

“You keep saying that but I don’t believe you.”

“You’re saying I’m lying?” Remy can’t help but challenge. It’s not fair of her, but she doesn't want to be having this conversation.

“No,” Logan says, “I’m not sure why you keep saying you’re fine. Maybe you think it yourself. Maybe I’m wrong. Or maybe you are lying. I don’t know. Regardless, I’m concerned about you.”

“Okay,” Remy says. She knows that’s not the answer that Logan’s looking for, and maybe that’s a bit mean, answering in a way she knows Logan doesn’t want, but this is also Remy’s business so Logan can budge off.

Logan sits with that answer for a minute.

“I don’t understand why you won’t talk to me,” Logan says eventually.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I doubt that.”

“I talked to Patton.”

“Apparently not about the things I’m concerned about.”

Remy shrugs.

“I’m frustrated,” Logan says, “I don’t feel acknowledged in this conversation.”

“I’m sorry,” Remy replies, “That wasn’t my point. I get that you’re concerned about me. I hear that. I don’t agree with the concern, but I hear that you are.”

“Okay. Thank you. I want you to talk to me, but I don’t think you’re going to do that.”

“Yeah, I’m not,” Remy says.

Logan and her used to be so close. Why was that all crumbling apart?

“Okay,” Logan said, “That’s one of the many things that’s concerning me.”

Remy doesn’t reply.

“Remy, will you talk to someone?”

“I-”

“I mean, it doesn’t have to be me. It doesn’t have to be about the things I’m concerned about. I’m worried that you don’t have anyone you’re talking emotionally with in any scheme. Considering you’ve been through some deep emotional shocks lately, it concerns me that you seem to have no healthy outlets for talking about those things.”

“Uh huh.”

“Remy, I hope you talk to someone.”

For most of this conversation, Remy’s been numb. But there, for just a moment, she feels something.

“Okay. I’ll think about it.”

Remy’s not going to, but she knows that saying she might will make Logan happy. It’s a tradeoff, lying to get Logan off her back. She hates that she doesn’t.

“Alright,” Logan says, and stops, “We’re at the front entrance to your dorm. About thirty feet to the front door, straight ahead. I’m headed to class. Call, text, or visit anytime.”

“Okay.”

“Can I give you a hug?”

“No thanks.”

Remy doesn’t really feel up for it, and she knows Logan won’t be offended. She offers a handshake instead which is weird and doesn’t feel right for this conversation or their relationship, but Remy wants to provide something here. Logan accepts it. It’s awkward.

“Alright. Bye,” Logan says when their hands drop.

“Bye.”

Logan leaves, and Remy goes back to her dorm.

~~~

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bilobasblogs · 4 years

Text

What I’ve Accomplished and Learned in 2019

My fear of making this post and, in turn, solidifying my entire year’s-worth of lessons has brought a slight feel of malaise into the back of my mind; something I’d think of for a moment then try to forget about because of how exposing and ‘final’ it may feel. It made me feel a bit sick thinking about. Maybe because I felt like.. I had something to live up to? A certain criteria to meet? Maybe so.

All that being said, I’ve somehow, by the grace of God, motivated myself enough to write this in full. As the title implies, this is a (somewhat) cohesive list of what I’ve both accomplished and learned in this last year, 2019. I’m not sure if I will do this every year or not, but eventually I did realize it’s something I have to do for myself, and for my journey of self-evaluation. That's why I gave in. So without further ado, let’s move on to the first on my list. :’)

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:

1. Removing myself from a toxic situation: A storytime.

Let me elaborate on that a little, so you’re not so lost.. Anyways! Back in 2017, I struggled a lot with depression and thoughts of self-hatred, even suicide. My home life has never been great, but at that point I had lost all my IRL friends and was alone. To make a long story short, I turned to Instagram as a home for my friendless self. I joined fandoms and posted regularly, but it led to me making friends with very manipulative and toxic people. And it wasn’t healthy. I would talk to them everyday, all the time. Eventually, everything came to a grand finale when my closest friend accused me of hacking/stealing his account that I apparently ‘had the password to’. (I had an old password. It was changed so I could no longer use the old one) He blasted me all over his account with a decent following, calling me names, and getting his friends to DM me messages of physical-appearance shaming. Top it all off with a “Go rot in hell or whateva” message from him, and I basically lost everything I thought I loved. I made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t end up in that situation ever again. I promised to focus on me, myself, and my mental health ONLY, in 2019. And I’d say I accomplished that. I’m proud of myself for that.

I was originally going to put this in the “things I’ve learned” category, but because of how big a deal this was, it had to be delved into a little deeper. And it ends with a big accomplishment; the restoration of my sense of self-worth and ability to appreciate myself. I’d call that a win!

2. Finally getting that new computer I needed.

Okay, not much of an accomplishment.. But I added it on this list because of how long I’ve actually had my previous computer. Probably for more than 5 years, if I’m being honest. It was an old, rusty, 32-bit disaster running Windows 7. The main motivation for me getting a computer was not actually how slow or glitchy it was, but it was because I bought Sonic Adventure 2 on Steam and couldn’t play it on my PC. I was pissed so convinced my parents to help me get a new one. Now I bask in all my Chao World Extended mod glory!

3. Concert tickets get!

Shortly after getting my new computer at the beginning of the year, my favorite artist and songwriter, Marina, returned to the music industry after a 3-4 year hiatus. As soon as a supporting tour was announced, I knew I had to get those damn tickets. It had been too long since the last tour, there was no way I was passing this one up! So after months of begging my dad, he FINALLY ordered them and we attended, not just any concert, but my FIRST live show ever. Forever grateful for that experience... for the most part. Eh, I’ll get back to that story later. On to the next!

4. Not one, but TWO dental surgeries!

Yes, it’s true. I actually got my braces on this year (my teeth were abysmal, to say the least...) and had to get two separate dental surgeries to remove my teeth. One for wisdom teeth, one for my back molars. This was to make room for my teeth separating and straightening out. It was hell. But not because of the recovery process, but because of how anxious I was while I was getting put out for the surgery. They kept trying to get me to fall asleep and I kept on talking! I was actually scared as the world went black, but before I knew it, I was lying in my bed at home in severe pain. Ahh, good times.

5. Self-expression and my venture into deviantART..

I’ve saved this one for last, as I feel it’s the thing that benefited me the most this year. I’ve taken the time to figure out what makes me feel creatively realized as a person. What makes me happy? What makes me feel good after I’m completely finished? I’ve learned that two things check those boxes: Drawing and writing. Even more specifically, songwriting.

I always had known from my earliest years that I wanted to be an artist. I clearly had the passion and was willing to always learn and grow. I never cried over ‘failing’ as a child, I always just wanted to do better. I think that quality pays off for me in the long run, because in January this year, I created my deviantART account. I was in need of something to fulfill me after the loss of my friends, and it seemed that making a DA was the the right thing. It combined social and artistic aspects, which was perfect for me. Now I have a fantastic, small little following on a profile where I just draw fun NiGHTS, Sonic, and Crash Bandicoot doodles. I’m really happy now.

LESSONS I’VE LEARNED:

1. Never let somebody tell me my character, unless I know them extremely well and vice versa. I know myself well enough, and shouldn’t think differently of myself just because somebody else does.

2. Along those same lines, always listen to my gut. Never let a whisper here or a quip there influence me when I have a deep gut feeling about something.

3. An error and a mistake are not the same things. An error is when I fall down, which all humans do because we’re imperfect creatures. A mistake is when I choose not to get up and learn from the error as a lesson. A lesson will also be repeated again and again until it is learned and I decide to pull myself off the ground and continue going.

4. True forgiveness does not mean “I accept what you caused to occur”, it is saying “I accept that it has happened, and I’m letting go of the past I thought I wanted. And I am willing to move and do something with what I learned.”

5. There are two different ways to say sorry. First, is when you say sorry but actually mean “please forget whatever I just did”. The second is genuine and is when you say sorry and mean “I apologize for the wrong that I did, and am willing to learn and move on from it.”

6. I cannot shut myself down in front of people. I can’t shut people out. If I do that, I lose out on a precious time that could be spent with other amazing people. Sometimes it can seem like investing will lead to heartbreak, but it won’t always be like that. I have to invest, but I won’t invest in more than I can afford to lose.

7. Sometimes it’s better to let myself be wrong and learn than to try to be correct and refuse to grow.

Alrighty! That’s all I could think of for this very long, personal post. I know I don’t talk about my personal life too much on social media, so I wanted to make this end-of-year recap for myself so I don’t forget the lessons I’ve learned along my journey. If you got something out of this.. yay! I’ve sorta accomplished my goal! I also understand if this was boring as hell to read. But it’s special to me and I don’t want to forget 2019. David of the future will thank me later.

Anyway.. here’s to an even better and more fantastic 2020! Goodbye 2010s, I forever love you. The majority of my life has happened in the 2010s, and I’ve made so many memories in this decade. From the growth and blooming of the internet and memes, to more real/raw things like personal self-growth. I’ve gained a lot and lost a lot, but in the end I’m thankful for it all. I hope everyone’s holiday season was amazing and I wish you a great upcoming New Years into the next decade! Talk to you next time, loves.

much love, bilobasideya 💜

#personal #endoftheyear #2010s #end of the decade #endofyearrecap #recap #bilobasideya #nights into dreams #sega #sonic

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parrot20n · 5 years

Text

A Normal Day

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Warnings: Virgil blaming himself (Please tell me if you find any more)

Word count: 2,039

Summary: Roman convinces Virgil to go on a quest with him in the imagination. Turns out some of Virgil’s nightmares were waiting for them.

Patton was standing in the kitchen making breakfast like he always did. The coffee maker going with its soft bubbles. The hiss of pancakes, eggs, and bacon cooking filled the room. This was one of Patton’s favorite parts of the day. When he could show his appreciation for his fellow sides through everyday activities. He flipped over the pancake on the skillet as he heard loud boisterous laughter come from upstairs before Roman ran down them, holding something high above his head. Virgil followed soon after, jumping off the stairs in an attempt to catch up with the Creative side.

Roman had stopped in front of the couch momentarily, “Princey, hand it over.” Virgil said, holding out his hand as if he expected him to give up that easily. Despite his demeanor, the corner of Virgil’s mouth was turned upwards.

“Good luck with that Finding Emo, you’ll have to pry it from my dead body.” Roman laughed back, a grin displayed across his face.

Patton watched with a smile as Princey ran circles around Virgil, who stood there calmly. Suddenly he tackled Roman to the ground. Taking the device and getting off of him, Virgil quickly deleted the photo off of Roman’s phone as the owner let out a whine. “No fair.”

“You Kiddos ready to eat?” Patton asked, putting scrambled eggs on a plate.

Roman got up and dusted himself off, “Sure thing Padre, i'm famished.” He walked over to the table and sat down, Virgil quickly followed after he stuffed the phone into his hoodie pocket.

Logan had stayed up late the night before, going over some of Roman’s ideas, so the other sides had agreed to let him sleep in. Virgil helped Patton bring the food over to the table and Roman made their coffees. As they all sat down to breakfast, they talked over the days activities. Thomas was going to relax with Joan and Talyn, leaving the sides to do whatever they pleased.

Roman talked about going off on another adventure in the imagination while Virgil was planning on just chilling and listening to his music. That was his plan, but Roman had been insistent on him joining him on the adventure, saying it would be “Better than anything he could ever dream of!” So, Virgil complied, willing to do anything to get the other side to stop bugging him.

That’s what got him in his current situation.

Roman, being the living embodiment of creativity, had come up with the creature. “A hydra witch,” he had called it. But they never got to see it, after all, other things roam the imagination too. That was Virgil’s mistake, letting his guard down. He had been in deep conversation with Roman when it happened.

Sharp, polished, yellow talons came out of nowhere, snatching Roman off the ground mid sentence. “Roma-” Virgil’s scream was cut off. The winged creature wasn’t alone. Virgil felt a sharp, cutting pain as huge talons dug into his shoulders. He let out a strangled cry as the claws sunk deeper and he was lifted off the ground.

He looked up to see a horrid creature. It had a disfigured face of a vulture mixed with a bat. It had slimy, black skin that was pulled tightly over its bones. Out of its mangled, half-feathered wings, bones protruded out at odd angles. It was one of Virgil’s nightmares. He looked back down to the ground to see that he was at least 30 feet in the air. Well, there’s no way down now. At least, not alive.

But he wouldn’t be going down without a fight. That was one thing he was sure of. Virgil wasn’t scared of the winged creature anymore, after all, he was the one who created the nightmares. He was the one who made sure Thomas forgot these ideas. The reason Thomas even knew about them was because they came from Virgil’s imagination. On the rare occasions when the anxious side would be able to catch a few hours of sleep, these are the creatures that greeted him there. Logan had taken time to read up on dream meanings after Virgil had a panic attack about said creatures. He informed him that they were the embodiment of what Virgil was really scared of, losing the people he loved. A creature that could take away his friends, his famILY, the people he loved, wasn’t his worst nightmare. Not being able to do anything about it was. Being helpless and watching your friends get killed in cold blood with no way of doing anything about it was his all time fear. If he couldn’t protect the only people that mattered to him, then what was the point of living?

So he wasn’t scared about the creature for himself, he was scared about what it would do to Roman. If he didn’t stop it, then it would make its way to the mindscape and hurt Logan and Patton too. He was not going to let that happen.

He couldn’t move his arms, the nightmarish creature had dug its talons into the tendons connecting his arm to his shoulder. He wasn’t flexible enough to kick the giant ugly bird. What could he possibly do? Virgil looked around, seeing a vast expanse of random dark colors blending into each other. Beneath him, a giant lizard with two heads looked around. The hydra witch. Why did Roman add ‘witch’ to the end of every evil creature’s name? It was looking around, probably for them. Ahead of him, he saw another one of the vile nightmare creatures. It had Roman in its claws. He drew his sword and slashed one of the creature’s feet clean off. It let out a shriek and quickly started to dive. Virgil saw a gleam of light bounce off a long sword as it started falling to the ground after Roman. He lost it. Now Princey had nothing to protect himself from the creature.

What was Virgil to do? He already knew he couldn’t move. If he couldn’t move, then how was he going to save Roman? Logan would say that Roman is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Virgil would believe that if it was one of the creative side’s creatures, but it wasn’t. It was one of his.

Princey’s phone vibrated in Virgil’s pocket. He quickly pulled it out. He couldn’t call Patton or Logan, that would just put them in harm's way. He wouldn’t mind pulling Deceit under the bus. That would be fine. Scrolling through Roman’s contacts, Deceit’s was nowhere in sight. Great. Now what was he supposed to do? He guessed that the deceitful side wouldn’t be that much help anyway. All he did was lie. It’s not like he could turn into a giant snake or anything, at least, not that Virgil knew of. None of the other Dark Sides could help either. Virgil was stuck.

What about Thomas? If this was his imagination, then he must be daydreaming about this right now. It wouldn’t harm him as long as he didn’t try to come here and help. Anxiety quickly scrolled and clicked to call Thomas’ number. He put it up to his ear. “Come on Thomas! I don’t know how much longer Princey can last.” He looked down to see the monstrous creature had started to zig-zag. Roman hanging limply in the thing’s talons. He must’ve fainted.

The call stopped ringing and he heard Thomas’ voice through the phone. “Hey Roman, what’s up?” His laidback voice making Virgil a little calmer.

“Thomas, it’s Virgil. I have Princey’s phone and I need your help. Roman convinced me to go on a adventure with him in the imagination. We’ve encountered a few of my nightmares and we’re stuck.” Virgil quickly said, starting to spiral.

“How can I possibly help? Wouldn’t Patton or Logan be able to help more than I can?” His voice was dripping with worry and panic.

“All the other’s could get hurt in the process. You can’t. I need you to think of the vulture-bat creatures from your daydreams. Imagine they have Roman and I in their talons.”

“Ok, got it. Now what?”

“Imagine the creatures open their claws, releasing us.”A second after he said this, Virgil could no longer feel the creature’s sharp, pointed claws in his shoulders. He heard a blood curdling scream come from in front of him. Roman was conscious. “Thanks Thomas. I got to go. I’ll fill you in as soon as we get back.”

Virgil hung up and conjured parachutes for them. Roman quickly grabbed his out of the air and put it on. He looked around and smiled when he saw Virgil, “Thanks Virge.” He saluted him with two fingers and started to dive to the ground.

That dork, Virgil shook his head. He grabbed his own parachute and quickly strapped it on. He held the cord in his hand and waited to pull it until he was closer to the ground. Once they were both on solid land, they got out of them.

“Do you have any idea what those strange things were?” Roman asked.

“I created them.” Roman opened his mouth to speak, “Not on purpose.” Virgil quickly corrected himself. “They are creatures from my nightmares. I’ll tell you everything, but we need to get out of here first.” Roman nodded. Virgil grabbed his arm and popped them out of the imagination and into the mindscape commons area.

Patton had been pacing ever since Thomas had summoned him and Logan to tell them what happened. They were all worried sick. Logan was worried too, he was just better at hiding it. He reassured Thomas and Patton that, “Virgil and Roman are going to be ok and can take care of themselves.” Which made Patton feel a little better, but he was still worried.

As soon as Virgil and Roman appeared in the middle of the living room, he quickly ran over and wrapped them in his arms. “I was worried sick, I'm so glad you guys are safe!” His touch caused them both to flinch away. Patton stood back with a confused look on his face, holding them at arm's length. “What’s wrong?”

Roman gestured to his bleeding shoulders, “The nightmare’s claws-” Roman was cut off as Patton ran to the closet, grabbed two wash clothes, wet them, and ran back.

“We have to get these wounds cleaned up. You two can explain once we’re done.” He said, guiding Roman and Virgil to the couch. Logan, who had been sitting in his chair reading before the two appeared, was now wiping the blood from Roman’s left shoulder, silent. Thomas was running around getting supplies for Patton.

As they both tenderly cleaned the creative and anxious sides’ wounds, Roman and Virgil took turns explaining everything. From going to fight the hydra witch to what Virgil remembered that Logan had said about the nightmare creatures. Virgil told them about how he was constantly scared of losing them, resulting in tears and a group hug.

Patton told him that “As long as we’re are all there for each other, that nothing can stop us.”

Roman quoted Stitch, “‘Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.’ And you certainly are family.”

Logan, not being the best at comforting, told him that “Something could happen to anyone at any given time without warning, from a heart attack to dropping dead. So there's no need to be scared, every moment is not set in stone.” To Virgil, it was comforting in a morbid sort of way.

After tears were shed and dried, Roman suggested a movie to take their minds off of what had happened that day. Virgil, Logan, and Patton agreed. Thomas came back with the isopropyl alcohol and found them all sound asleep on the couch wrapped in a big, fluffy, baby blue comforter. Lilo and Stitch was playing on the tv, providing a soft glow of changing light. Virgil’s eyeshadow had run down his cheeks from when he had been crying, leaving black smears. His and Roman’s shoulders were bandaged. Patton was leaning on Logan in his sleep and finally looked happy and calm again, his famILY safe.

#sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #quest #PinkNerdWriting

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renaroo · 6 years

Text

The Night Before the Siege

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire series and related characters are the creative property of George R.R. Martin Warnings: Canon-typical sexual content & discussion of canon genital mutilation Ships: Grey WormxMisssandei Rating: M Synopsis: The night before he is to lead the Unsullied, Grey Worm is called to Missandei’s chambers and he must face his greatest fear. What he worries about most.

A/N: I needed to write something to sort of jar my writing energy again in the middle of a bit of self-imposed writing break and rewatching GoT led from one thing to another haha. I do sincerely love these two characters and I hope they only get more love in the final season and in the fandom because they’re amazing and deserve it.

She is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. His Missandei.

It is wrong to think his. They are not owned. They are not slaves or property. Not anymore.

Yet they are each others in that they belong with one another, that he is sure of. That he knows, down to the very Unsullied soul that the Masters tried to rip out of him through his ground teeth and blistered back.

Even in the face of leaving her side, Grey Worm knows as surely as he knows he will die for his queen, that in one life or in one form or another, he belongs beside Missandei, the kindest and most beautiful. The smartest and the most lovable.

“Missandei,” he says, head bowed until his forehead touches the skin of her knee.

“Yes?” she asks. Her words are crisp and purposeful, unlike any voice he has heard before in his life. He loves the way her tongue rolls and her lips purse.

They are so unlike Grey Worm’s too large and slow tongue, full of weight and dryness that inhibits his every utterance with a lack of confidence. He feels, even then, with Missendei’s warm flesh touching his own, his throat tightens back and suppresses him.

Silence was a virtue beaten into his bones. Language flows through Missendei’s blood.

They are from entirely different worlds despite the chapters of their lives lining up so completely.

Grey Worm wants to be deserving of Missendei, wants to rise himself to the level he so admires. The desire of it is so strong that his calloused hands tremble against Missendei’s beautiful candlelit skin. He breathes her in and shudders as he exhales.

“What is wrong?” she asks him, her voice full of concern. She begins to raise up, to care over him like she had when the Sons of the Harpy rendered him almost invalid.

He can’t allow her, though.

With the tremble escaping his hands, Grey Worm reaches up and catches Missendei’s nimble waist. Her smooth muscles and skin tighten but she doesn’t resist his guidance.

“Missendei…” Grey Worm says lowly, pulling his head from her knees so that he can see her face, her eyes, under the flicker of her chamber candles. “What… I want to say… the words… They are hard.”

Her dark eyes shine with empathy. “Words always are,” she attempts to soothe him.

“No. Not for you,” he argues. “I… My words are not strong enough yet, Missendei. Not strong enough for you.”

“Shh,” she continues to coax him. She reaches forward enough to brush her fingertips against Grey Worm’s cheeks. “Words are not everything.”

Grey Worm feels the heat of his own breath against Missendei’s body. “No. They are not.”

His tremble returning, Grey Worm traces his hands down Missendei’s sides, to her hips, and holds her steady. He doesn’t have the beautiful poetry that flows through Missendei’s words, but he can show her his love, his appreciation, his respect.

Missendei shifts beneath him comfortably and Grey Worm’s hands reach her thighs where he can at last separate them.

His tongue is no longer too large or too slow as he wetly presses kisses into Missendei’s leg. He raises himself to his knees and leans forward. There is no more trembling from Grey Worm’s end, but the instant that his lips meet Missendei’s, the trembling becomes contagious.

Love. That word causes Grey Worm’s voice and mind so much trouble, he can hardly utter it, but he knows he can show it.

He shows it and feels it in a way that he can only hope will let her know that he is hers. That he will continue to be hers even as he sails seas and lays down his wife in the name of their queen.

Missendei’s hands grasp his scalp, nails raking across his hair as her back arches forward.

“I love you,” she wails and moans, over and over again as her lips purse and her tongue rolls.

And Grey Worm continues to answer in the way he best can.

By the night’s end, they both are hoarse from their confessions, holding each other as the candles burn to the last of their wick.

In the morning they will serve their queen an ocean apart from each other, but could never forget the powerful love they shared this night before the siege.

#writing #got fic #Grey Worm #Missandei #Grey Worm x Missandei

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danfanciesphil · 7 years

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Love your writing! A prompt for you: I'd love to see Phil reacting to people saying he doesn't love Dan as much as Dan loves him which I think is stupid??

So, if you’ve read my fic Birthday Sex then you will know that I do not buy into this trope whatsoever, which i must say is a big reason I wrote it. I really just do not see where people are coming from when they say that Dan loves Phil more?? Maybe at the very, very beginning of their relationship it kind of seemed like Dan was a bit of an obsessed lovestruck young kiddo (spoiler: he was) but firstly, it’s important to remember that we don’t get to see everything the two of them say to one another and we already know that Dan tends to share a lot more with the public than Phil does. For example, when has Phil ever (barr his Draw My Life and a few other sparse instances) ever revealed anything serious and personal about himself? Whereas Dan just yesterday opened up about something so deeply intimate that it’s honestly baffling he had the courage at all. My point is that it’s highly, highly likely that there were things said between them behind the scenes that we just did not have any knowledge of whatsoever. I’d draw your attention to the Video That Will Not Be Named as an example, because obviously (if you choose to ignore dnp’s ‘explanation’ and see it as real/true) then it was NEVER meant to be seen by anyone except Dan. Think about that... if youtube hadn’t glitched, that video would not exist to us. How many more videos are there like this one? How many texts and phone calls and private conversations that are probably WAY more schmaltzy and incriminating??

Not only this, but as a follow up point, Phil is older, and he is maturer than Dan. The latter possibly gets less true as time goes on and Dan grows as a person (what a fantastic man he’s becoming I stg im so proud), but certainly up until now, Phil has been the adult of the two of them. Don’t try telling me he acts like a child either, because that’s not the same thing - he’s an entertainer for a family friendly YouTube channel, it doesn’t mean he isn’t a millionaire/business owner/well-educated, successful man. I find it not only silly that people expect him to be fawning over Dan every minute of the goddamn day on camera in order to prove his affection, but just ridiculously unrealistic. He’s a 30 year old man. If he is with Dan, then he’s been in a committed relationship with him for years. They’re over the honeymoon stage. They’re into something far more serious and committed now, and it’s a kind of love that doesn’t need to be shown at all times.

Finally, I just want to add that apart from all I’ve said - neither of them (imo) show much sign of being madly in love with the other at all? I mean, you have to remember that we are a fandom, and it’s so easy to pick apart something and pull out the bits you want to fit your ideal picture. There is evidence of them being a couple, yes, but there’s also evidence against it! Neither of them refer to one another as ‘boyfriend’ or ‘partner’ and I honestly doubt they ever will! Dan is not constantly gooey over Phil, and the same goes the other way around. It baffles me that people can dissect every one of their looks and actions (I’m guilty of it too of course) and come up with these absurd headcanons such as “AWW DAn looks so in love here, and Phil looks so indifferent” because it’s just... it’s just completely ridiculous?? You have nothing to base that on whatsoever apart from a half second clip from a video - the leap to conclusion is beyond crazy.

Idk I am aware i went off on a little ramble here, but this kind of thing is where the phandom descends into a total clusterfucky mess. It’s good to take a breather every once in a while and remind ourselves that the things we do know about the boys is very limited. Our ‘evidence’ from the past is still just a bunch of tweets and videos, none of us know them. I don’t want to destroy any ships, because personally I think there’s a LOT of mystery and confusion shrouding their relationship which could absolutely mean something else is going on, but again, I’m not going to make any mad assumptions about anything because at the end of the day I just don’t know.

ANYWAY. Nothing wrong with writing FICTION about this, and that’s what you’ve asked for, so here my love! Thanks for the question (none of this was aimed at you btw! I know you’re just asking in general about the topic, I just wanted to share my thoughts on it).

Got a prompt for me? Click here! (Please be aware that due to an abundance of prompts, your prompt may take a few days to complete - but thank you all for submitting so far!)

The comment catches his attention, and Phil isn’t sure why.

He’s scrolling through the comment section of the latest DanAndPhilGAMES video, a smile playing on his mouth as he reads everyone’s reactions to Dil’s latest adventures.

It’s a treat he allows himself very rarely nowadays, to look through the comments. As Dan once said, it can be like picking through a minefield. Sure, the vast majority of the comments will be overwhelmingly positive, filled with adoration and appreciation of them both, lulling him into a false sense of security and then BAM! One will jump out, jarring him with its nasty words, or its negative perspective. Reading a mean comment can, even now, when there are literally thousands of nice once to combat it, throw Phil off-kilter for days.

It can make him second guess every creative instinct. It can make him snappy and irritable, or just glum.

This comment, though not exactly mean per se, is one such instance. He tries to ignore it, to just scroll past and move on with his life. It’s just a shipper comment, after all. That’s what he and Dan call them. Around half the comments they get on their videos are from the ‘shippers’. It’s fine. Usually neither of them pay any attention to them whatsoever.

But this one has been upvoted 600 times. It has dozens of replies attached to it, clearly a topic of hot discussion. Phil scrolls back up, gnawing at his lip, and lets his eyes scan over the words again:

It’s so sad when Dan says something funny and looks at Phil all hopeful but Phil just ignores him. Heartbreaking to know that Dan will always love Phil more - ever since 2009. 3

Phil closes his laptop, wishing the words would dissolve from his brain. He shuts his eyes, but they burn behind his retinas, bright and jarring. Where do they get this stuff? Is that truly what people believe?

He reopens his laptop and scrolls back up to the video, dragging the slider over the bar at the bottom of the window, scanning his and Dan’s faces for any signs of what that subscriber had said.

As he scrolls through the video for the sixth time, squinting at the screen, he feels Dan flop down onto the sofa beside him, crunching something. Phil sits up, turning to Dan with warm cheeks, feeling caught out.

Dan raises an eyebrow at him, glancing at the screen. He offers Phil a crisp from the packet in his hands.

“Watching phan videos again?” Dan asks him, smiling.

“Just... checking the comments on the Dil vid.” Phil tells him, and Dan sighs knowingly, placing the crisp packet aside.

“Oh God, what’ve they said now?” Dan asks, shuffling towards Phil in order to see.

Phil wonders if he should even mention this to Dan; it seems like it might be worse for him to know the fans seem to think this way, after all. Inevitably though, Phil breaks, not able to think up a good enough lie.

With some reluctance, he scrolls down to the comment, and waits for Dan to read it, chewing his lip.

“Oh,” Dan says in a strange voice, sitting upright. “That’s... I thought it was gonna be like ‘gay emo dicks’ or something.”

Phil laughs a little, but it’s a hollow, unconvincing sound. “You know that... that’s not true, right?”

Dan looks at him, something small and fearful hidden deep in the recesses of his eyes. “Yeah.”

He doesn’t sound very convinced, and it worries Phil immensely. “You’re my whole world, Dan.” Phil tells him with complete sincerity; Dan looks away, obviously embarrassed by the loaded emotion. “I know it sounds melodramatic. But you are. You’re my best friend, my favourite person in the world. I love you so much it’s crazy.”

There’s a choke to Dan’s voice when he next speaks. “Yeah,” he says again, sniffing. “I dunno where they get their weird ideas, tbh.”

Phil pushes his laptop off his knee, reaching for Dan and pulling him in. He holds him tight, pressing firm kisses into his soft curls. “I’m sorry if it ever comes off that way.” Phil tells him, voice a whisper of itself. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel that I might not... love you as much.”

Dan shakes his head. “Don’t be stupid.” He pulls away a little, looking up into Phil’s eyes, his smile watery. “I know how much you love me, you sap.”

Phil surveys him carefully, scanning his face for signs of a lie. Eventually a smirk creeps onto his lips, and Dan zeroes in on it, confused.

“Well,” Phil purrs, leaning forwards until their lips brush. “If you ever need a reminder...”

Dan snorts with laughter, trying to wriggle free of his grip. A few kisses later, however, he seems to give in.

#idk what the fic was im sorry #thanks for the prompt bae #prompts #anon #ellen answers

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blueheartedmayor · 4 years

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I have big big troubles finding new rp partners which causes me to be nearly inactive because I don't have anyone to roleplay with. Searching through tumblr is impossible for active blogs. And if I find someone, they're mutuals only, and I don't know how to interact with those. And many I find also don't want new partners. It always feels like its my fault for not finding new partners

OOC: Sorry about the sorta late reply. I’ve been making icons since yesterday.

I agree. Searching any of the tags is absolutely pointless. I can only speak for this fandom but... Boy are things quieter than they used to be. It’s gotten to the point where some people (myself included) actually stop sharing their own promos because there’s barely anyone to find from that (If anything, I think my last reblog of my promo got more attention from non-roleplaying blogs). On top of that, activity on blogs that are around vary immensely. Because there are fewer options than there were when I started, it’s easy to feel like you’re doing something wrong. I assure you, it’s not the case at all.

You are right about a lot of blogs being more closed off than they used to be, and I do get the reasoning for that. But like you said, it makes it hard for people trying to find their place. I can’t give you guaranteed advice that will bring about success, but I can try and share some ideas.

I know I’ve mentioned before about checking rules pages. Some people might have it that they’re mutuals only by default, but their asks are open for anyone. If that’s the case, I definitely recommend giving it a try. While it can work as an ice-breaker, it’s also a good way to show the blog you exist, especially if, like me, you run side-blogs.

With that in mind, check your own blog and make sure things are accessible and readable. If someone I don’t recognise follows a blog of mine, I’ll usually click through and check theirs out. Now, before you start stressing, I absolutely don’t mean to go build a custom theme with unique photoshopped whatevers. You’re talking to the mun who literally uses the same theme on three different sideblogs but in different colours. Going by personal experience of checking blogs on app and on a laptop, you should instead focus on the following:

Content: Is your information accessible? Do you have a page or post giving information about your muse, and if so, can they be found easily? Common sense things, really, but I’ve seen blogs over the years that either omit this entirely, or make it very difficult to find.

Sample of writing: Not in terms of how active you are. A few months ago, I was checking out a blog on my phone. I had to scroll for nearly ten minutes on a blog before I could find an actual writing sample from a thread. It’s perfectly okay to have memes and related images on your blog (again, I do it regularly), but be sure they’re not hiding your writing. Use the queue to play it safe.

Silly things, I know, but if you make the first move to follow a mutuals only blog, you wanna give yourself the best chance so they will follow back. I wanna compare it to an artist in a convention’s artist alley setting up their stall. You have to have everything looking just right to draw people in, right?

On the topic of writing, I noticed you mention how you’re not active because of this problem. Perhaps you could channel your creative frustration into short drabbles or monologues? It would be a good way to vent and to make sure you don’t get too rusty.

Another option is to consider crossovers with other fandoms. For example, I have a side-step verse where Damien is Mayor of Ha.llowe’en Town from the Nig.htmare Before Chris.tmas due to a mix-up. It’s also a fun challenge to see how your character might adapt to a different world, whether due to being thrown there, or having lived there instead of their normal world.

Admittedly, the fandom as a whole needs a little kick and some positive encouragement to open up a little more. Myself and some others had hoped Heist would bring some new people in, but it didn’t really work in the way we had expected. It’s a problem I’m not entirely sure how to fix, and I’m sure it’s not even something I myself can ‘fix’ since I’m not any sort of important voice. But I will say this. If you currently do have partners, appreciate and cherish them. They are the ones that will stick by you no matter what.

I am sorry you’ve been hit with that awful feeling, despite trying your hardest. That’s the part you should make sure to remind yourself of: you are trying. It would be a different case if you were waiting for everyone to find you while you make no effort. Things might seem bleak, but time can do some good things. When I started, there were some blogs I was terrified of interacting with. Like you, I had no idea how I was supposed to approach and interact (especially with me harbouring a fear of being blocked if I made a wrong move). It took time, but the right little connections happened, circles meshed together so I appeared on their dash, and I was eventually noticed by them. That’s why I suggested to make sure you have the necessary information accessible. Any decent person won’t mind whether you have a fancy theme, use icons of any sort, or format your writing. At the end of the day, we’re writing together, and that ought to be what matters when looking at your blog.

...

I realise this is probably me blathering on about nothing, but I hope something in this helped. Like I said, I’m not really a big voice or a popular blog, so I don’t really have solid advice. Keep your chin up and take it one day at a time. I believe in you!!

PS. Just as I was proof-reading this, I remembered that some of the people I got to know over time were through Di.scord groups. While a server can be a great way to break the ice.... I’m not sure I’d recommend setting one up in the hopes of inviting people in. The one that springs to mind first descended into drama that I’m still not sure of and was ultimately deleted when I was asleep. Now I think about it, most of those people either hopped fandoms or went on hiatus... I hope they’re doing okay.

PPS. Another idea. Would checking out people your partners write with be an idea? I always imagine a rp blog to be like a circle, and by interacting with others, you can link to their circle and see their connections. That way, the third person might have experience of you from seeing you on their dash!

#why Ash doesn't run a r.ph blog #and why Ash shouldn't be a rolemodel as a whole #I also recommend not doing what I do and make sure not to lose track of people #there are people I wrote with that I still love to see on my dash but I've lost track of stuff we wrote and I never get around to actually #Anonymous

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hartofbalamb · 7 years

Text

I've got an unpopular opinion for you guys today.

I've been a part of a lot of various fandoms on various platforms, but they all have one thing in common: drama. Everyone claims to hate it, and yet it still persists.

Now I don't claim to have the answers to this ever-present issue, but there is one thing that I see a lot that really irks me and I have to say something about it.

If you have an issue with someone's portrayal or headcanon you need to talk with them about it directly. If you don't have the guts to do this, then let it go — no one is forcing you to follow or even agree. Differing opinions is normal and healthy; combating others headcanons with your own opinions publicly is not, and shows that you don't have the maturity to accept other people's viewpoints. It's petty.

And here I arrive at my point: If you rally the fandom behind your opinion at the expense of another person you are part of the problem.

Plain and simple.

Take a second to imagine how that feels — you love a character deeply, and feel strongly and personally about an aspect of them that may or may not be represented in canon, and then you see another person in the fandom not only tear that opinion apart, but pull the rest of the fandom into the fray. Imagine seeing people you RP with who you thought cared about you also ripping your opinions apart —sometimes without knowing who they're trashing, because god knows we all vague-blog the hell out of our problems; all they're doing is reacting to what they see on the dash.

Please think for a moment about how horribly demoralizing this is, to feel like an entire community of your peers are against you, especially in a place that is a creative refuge for so many people. You start feeling like your ideas are wrong, even if they're just as viable as anyone else's. You stop being creative. You stop pushing yourself and other people to expand your horizons for fear of the whole fandom turning against you.

That passion and enthusiasm you once had for your character starts to fade. You stop writing.

Now, some people are strong enough to not let things like this faze them, but those people are extremely rare, and everyone has their bad days; you never know when your heavy-handed opinion is going to kick someone when they're down.

I can't tell you how sad it has made me to see this happen to people I care about — brilliant writers with vibrant and imaginative headcanons and portrayals, some of which I might not even agree with, but I respect as their right to own. A lot of these people I don't get to write with any more because of this completely immature and ridiculous nonsense.

I miss them. So much.

So this is my challenge to you, community, especially those of you who have any kind of visibility or notoriety: your actions need to lift your fellow community members up, not tear them down. If any of this post resonates with you to the point that you take offense, good. It's time for you to face that guilt and look at your own behavior and ask yourself what you're doing to contribute to the toxicity of this fandom, and how you can change.

Alternatively if any of this resonates with you because you agree, please keep lifting your fellow writers up, discuss their headcanons and portrayals with them, understand and appreciate them and show them how happy you are to have them around — you never know when those words could be sorely needed; even the strongest people need reassurance sometimes.

So yeah. That's that. Thanks for reading and for being here!

#💠║out of thoughts (ooc)#//had to get that off my chest #//thanks for listening

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cabotcreekuniversity · 7 years

Photo

Dear Asher Kesten as portrayed by Heidi,

Congratulations! On behalf of Cabot Creek University, I am pleased to announce your admission for Fall 2017!

The academic and personal accomplishments reflected on your application for admissions are exactly what Cabot Creek University embodies and represents.

We cannot wait to greet you this coming school year.

Please [ check here ] for further instructions on accepting the offer of admissions. We look forward to working with you.

Name, Age, Timezone, Pronouns: Heidi, 19, CEST, she/her/they/them

✯ IC Questionnaire ✯ Answer the following OOC about your character:

Character name: Asher Kesten

Character major: Psychology. It wasn’t so much his choice as it was the choice of his parents, as they feel like it is a difficult yet respected field at the same time. Asher feels very much pressured into his major and he finds only few things that interest him. He simultaneously feels trapped by his major, forced into a career that would take him years and years of experience and hard work. He has no problem with that, the thing is he feels no passion for psychology. His dream major would be music, specifically composition as he hopes he could one day write film scores.

Clubs or sports: Hockey: Arguably the only sport he enjoys, the quick and exciting pace of the match always makes him look forward to hockey season.

Will your character have a job?: No, but he does a sort of volunteer work over at the local ballet studio, Madam Lila’s. After finishing music school, Asher had no real resources or access to a piano. The ballet studio was looking for a piano player to accompany dance practices and Asher saw it as a perfect opportunity to hone his pianist skill-he does this, however, in absolute secret, as he is too ashamed to tell anyone.

Give us a head canon about your character: Asher was diagnosed with ADHD combined type when he was six years old. He had been having behavior issues in school. He could barely sit still, touched anything and everything in sight and had a tough time engaging in a quiet activity, as well as having a hard time paying attention, daydreaming and struggling to follow instructions. At the recommendation of his teacher, his parents turned to a psychiatrist who confirmed the teacher’s fears. His parents were ashamed and often berated him not only for his immense interest into the unknown happenings of Cabot Creek, but for his slow processing and inappropriate behaviour as well. His coping with the mental illness is much more on the negative side as it could be,he still hears the negative voice of his mother in his head whenever his symptoms worsen as a result. Speaking of, as he grew older, the symptoms linked to hyperactivity had loosened while those connected to the inattentive type of ADHD became much more apparent. He knows he should probably visit a therapist because of this, which he does from time to time, however he believes his medication will suffice for now.

Answer the following questions IC about your character. Feel free to use a gif to respond if you’d like:

What is an issue you feel most passionate about?:

“Umm, I’m not that into…global issues or whatever, but I guess one thing is global warming. The fact that people are denying it is just wrong. I was just talking with my friend the other time how the ocean levels are dangerously rising and people are still denying it, despite the proof. He looked really pissed about it, you should have seen the look on his face. I’m not that angry, but I’m still not indifferent about the issue.”

Describe your thoughts on social media?:

“A blessing and a curse. It’s cool that I get to post what I’m doing and talk to friends, but a person can quickly get addicted. You hear all the time how we’re all glued to our phones, so there are clearly limits to it. Safe use is everything.”

What is your favorite fandom or movie or TV show or book series (choose one)?:

“Doctor Who, without a doubt. Did you hear, they’re getting a female doctor! A lot of people don’t like that, but a lot of people are cynical so yeah, we’ll see what the show has to offer.”

Opinion on love and romance?:

“It’s complicated…I had crushes before, sure. Everyone had crushes before. If they didn’t, they’re lying. But true love…hmm, tough to say. “

Optional Extras:

Asher feels very two-faced. To a stranger, professor and acquaintance, there is the well-groomed image of Asher Kesten, the cool guy. He’s the one that wears stylish aviators and his favourite combat boots, who says little but has this relaxed aura about him. He’s the one that’s too cool to participate in lessons, who’s grades aren’t the best but just the fact that there seems to be an “I don’t really care” attitude with him makes him a badass. The hockey player who knows how to shoot an awesome goal. And the heir of the Kesten’s, a well-respected family composed of a businessman father George (working in a top-noch computer company) and a stay at home mother Rebecca.

And then…there’s the other Asher. The one that never rose to the occasion and had his curiosity crushed by his own parents. Who was so afraid of their comments and authority that he began to believe his hobbies and interests were and still are shameful. Who, as a consequence keeps his mouth shut and hides his piano playing. Who is actually quite concerned over his grades yet at the same time anxious of reaching out. He feels the pressure of trying to please his parents, trying to live up to the title of the perfect son, forgetting along the was that his happiness matters. So to most, he puts on the mask of cool Asher, letting only close friends see the other side of him.

As mentioned before, because of his parents, he has trouble seeing the silver lining in the cloud known as ADHD, save for his creativity, because you see, as his mind starts to wonder, he does not jump from point A to B immediately. He goes from point A to Z, back to point C then takes a detour to X, gets lost in Y and only then lands with B. This opens doors to many different ideas, paths and possible results, so what he may call a simple coffee date might turn out to become the great bicycle race of the 21st century through his oddly connected reasoning. His friends love him for it.

When he was a child and questioned his surroundings and his hometown, he kept a messy journal where he would scribble down what he saw and what he thought it was (Think Gravity Falls journal 3, only a lot more childish and messier!)

Asher first gained interest for the piano when he attended dance therapy for his ADHD. He made good progress but the piano player always grabbed his attention, with his smooth and virtuoso-like playing. The man once invited him closer to see his playing and Asher was mesmerized. It took a ton of convincing from himself, his therapist at the time took his side and told his parents how this could be very beneficial, so they gave in with reluctance. Playing the piano is the only activity that grabs Asher’s whole attention, so much so that he becomes hyperfocused. He’s absolutely determined to improve in any way. His favourite songs to play are the classics: Chopin, Beethoven, Mozart, albeit he hones an appreciation for piano covers of famous songs. He keeps his playing a secret, as he is too afraid of what people might say (his parents have said enough. While he received compliments from others, they never said anything good or just told him the piano is silly. That they’ll find him a new hobby. They didn’t).

His favourite genre is rock. The eternal fan of Queen, he enjoys The Beatles, Pink Floyd and Guns ‘n Roses also.

He played center for his high school hockey team. His friend told him that he’d be a good addition and boy, was he right. Asher still has his hockey number 11 jersey proudly displayed in his room, it’s the one hobby he’s not ashamed of, as he feels it’s manly (and it helps that his father is a fan of the sport). He hopes to make it on the University team

His jokes mainly consist of puns…a lot of puns…

Asher is artistic. He’s decent at drawing and has a knack for arts & crafts. It’s no surprise he was on the school decorating committee. His teachers were very supportive and impressed by his willingness to participate in such activities. He still makes origami when he’s bored.

#ccuaccepted #dark rp #college rp #lsrpg #literate rp

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itsclydebitches · 7 years

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An H.R. Study: What Do You Do With a Non-Logical Character in an Otherwise Logical World?

Who’s your favorite Flash character? Mine is Harrison Wells and yes, I mean every Harrison Wells. From Star Trek’s evil Mirror Universe counterparts to the Fringe division learning to embrace their alternate selves, the doppelgänger has long been a beloved trope in Science Fiction, capable of drawing out both conflict and nuance of character — and Tom Cavanagh’s work is no exception. It means that I was (and remain) thrilled to get another iteration of Harrison Well on the show: the quirky and enigmatic H.R.

Now this meta could have easily been a ranty defense of H.R., considering that the other members of Team Flash mostly seem to hate him and, from what I’ve seen, the fandom does too. Which honestly surprises me. I personally find him to be lovable, entertaining, and a breath of fresh air within the story...but hell, no one needs to like the characters I like. This isn’t a ‘my fave is the best!!’ pissing contest.

No, I’m more interested in the question that H.R. represents: What the hell do you do with a non-logical character in a predominantly logical environment?

As a sort of disclaimer, I’m using ‘logical’ here as a nebulous catch-all for the hard sciences/pseudo-science/things that do not fall into the realm of the Humanities. AKA, most of the stuff you find in superhero stories. Because that’s what The Flash gives us: a world where science rules, unquestioningly. It is the source of the protagonists’ power, the means to the antagonists’ defeat, and even when something ethereal like magic is introduced (“Legends of Today”) it’s quickly shuffled out of the narrative because it’s too much of a threat. This results in a set of characters with a (heh) logical, but rather limited skill-set:

Harrison/Harry/Eobard Thawne - All genius scientists with backgrounds in, frankly, whatever the story needs.

Cisco - Mechanical engineer who, as Harry says, “can do anything.”

Caitlin - Bio-engineer capable of solving any medical emergency under the sun.

Barry - Our protagonist, who could have easily been a part of this group purely because of his powers. However, he’s also a forensic scientist and easily keeps up with all the technical aspects of their work.

Wally - A student, but one with incredible mechanical and technical talent.

Jesse - Also a student, though said to have a “genius IQ” and clearly takes after her father in terms of worshiping science.

Julian - Another astoundingly talented forensic scientist.

Hartley - Physicist who was once the “favorite” of Dr. Wells’.

Martin Stein/Ronnie/Jefferson Jackson - Brilliant physicist, structural engineer, and mechanic, respectively.

The main outliers:

Joe West/Eddie Thawne - Police detectives, the former of whose lack of scientific knowledge is often used for comic relief. It’s fine though because they’re still able to back up Team Flash with police resources. They’re “useful” despite not being scientists, and thus their outlying nature is not just tolerated, but looked upon fondly.

Iris West - Journalist, was “useful” in season one when her writing was introducing Central City to the Flash... now though? She’s able to follow the science mumbo-jumbo slightly better than Joe (“Speed-canon, Dad.”) but that doesn’t mean she contributes much. She’s tolerated, frankly, because she’s the main love interest (which is a whole other rant). And don’t get me wrong, I adore Iris, but within the boundaries of this world her contributions are primarily in the form of giving Barry pep-talks and something to fight for. (Again, rant for another time.)

And then there’s H.R.

This is the world H.R. is entering into. This is the team he’s trying to join - one that’s saturated with the logical; the scientific. It’s a group that says loudly and clearly that if you can’t talk particle acceleration or invent a quantum splicer, you don’t belong here. Hell, Cisco says it outright when he complains that out of the entire multi-verse they got the one Wells that (supposedly) isn’t a genius.

I find this absolutely fascinating. I also find it incredibly problematic.

On the one hand this is a golden opportunity for the writers. Look at this change of pace! They have a character who supposedly doesn’t fit, who brings an entirely new set of skills to the table, and that should, in turn, provide new opportunities and complicate what it means to be “useful” in this logical world. If we look at this analytically, we can see that H.R. has already demonstrated a number of astounding talents and characteristics:

He managed to trick the team into thinking he solved the cryptogram (acting skills)

Read through the entirety of the Team’s records and has used that information to achieve his ends - such as getting them all coffee (critical reading, memorization)

When caught admits that he’s working on a book and that he’s produced a number of best sellers (creative writing)

Presents himself as the Team’s “muse” (ability to act as a sounding board for developing ideas, helping to bring out others’ potential)

Trained Wally when no one else would (coaching, compassion)

Built an entire museum within STAR Labs, presumably single-handedly (planning, execution, perseverance)

Is constantly pulling together events and cracking jokes (organization, decorating, entertainment, moral)

I think this is an impressive skill-set. And yes, I’m admittedly biased. H.R. largely represents who I am—a reader, a writer, a funny sort of person who happens to be completely useless at science—and I was thrilled to see how the writers would fit someone like me into this logical, genius-driven world. What’s sad though is that their answer to the “What do you do with a character like H.R.?” question is apparently, “Nothing.”

Despite a few throw-away lines about how he’s indeed a part of the Team now and Cisco’s fight for him against Gypsy (which can be read as a ‘this is just what heroes do’ action), nobody seems to actually like H.R., let alone appreciate what he can do—let alone explore how his talents might benefit the Team. He’s rarely given credit for the ideas he helps to develop. His (frankly beautiful) acts of friendship are met with consistent disgust and unease—even moreso now that Harry is back on Earth One. Joe once asked him if he had a pathological need to make people like him, which brings up another important issue within superhero narratives: that apparently neuro-atypical people don’t belong there either. H.R. reminds me of a lot of my friends—hyper, anxious, needs to fiddle with things, uses humor and self-depreciation as a defense against horrific insults like someone spitting into your coffee—and the fact that the show neither has the other characters defending H.R. or at least warming to him is incredibly disheartening.

I hope this improves over the second half of this season. I’m not sure it will.

Because I have a bad sense of where H.R.’s story might be going. We’ve had one ‘good’ Wells who was revealed to be bad. One seemingly ‘bad’ Wells who is now firmly on the side of good. Now it’s time to have a Wells who is exactly as he appears, but since The Flash writers don’t seem to know what to do with a creative character in an otherwise logical world, I fear that H.R. won’t be surviving the season. That, in an attempt to make him “useful,” he’ll sacrifice himself for the Team—and then everyone can look back and regret how cruel they were, once he’s safely out of the way.

I think H.R. deserves better than that. I hope I’m wrong. Because he represents a class of character we so rarely see in the superhero genre and I, personally, would like to see a whole lot more of him.

Thanks for reading <3

#The Flash #Harrison Wells #HR Wells #Team Flash #science #representation #mymetas

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noonetosmilefor · 7 years

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Random questions

So, I got asked by @hopedreamssoul to answer all 150 questions. Thank you, darling. ❤️

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? - Lick.

2. What is home to you? - Home to me can be a person, a place, a city, somewhere, where I feel alive, can be myself and happiest.

3. What was the last lie you told? - I told myself the lie that I’m going to bed earlier today. (And now I’m sitting here answering these questions.)

4. Does everyone deserve the truth? - Yes.

5. What is the creepiest toy ever made? - When I was a child I really hated these ‘trolls’. They freaked me out.

6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. - I told a friend to go to a shop near our town because they have cool new toys for dogs. I forgot that her dog died almost a month ago.

7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) - For me personally: Falling asleep and cleaning. (Idk, man.)

8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? - I can’t remember.

9. How many all nighters have you pulled? - About 10 or so.

10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? - In hugs.

11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? - 3.

12. What is your paradise? - My personal paradise is when I can do what I want, be myself and with people I love to death.

13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) - Rain.

14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? - I don’t know, I hope I’ve never broken anyones heart.

15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? - That people can communicate with each other, even though they’re miles apart. That say’s that I have a lot of friends who life far away from me.

16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? - I think it’s because it makes them happy to ‘care’ about someone else. If it gives them hope/motivation/happiness etc., why shouldn’t they care about them. I can’t say I ‘care’ about celebrities. It doesn’t affect me if a certain celebrity does something wrong or something like that. I really like a lot of celebrities and the way they’re. I like their music/acting skills and so on.

17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? - Sitting beside me and chewing on their fingernails or eat noisily constantly.

18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? - Sometimes, depends on the situation. But I can’t think of any pros or cons, because it just happens sometimes.

19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? - Yes, the transverse flute.

20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? - Sometimes. It depends on my mood and look.

21. List 3 things you like about yourself? - My hair, my eyes and my honesty.

22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? - “Travel the world, go on adventures without fear. Learn to get to know the unknown and do what you love.”

23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? - I don’t think so. I don’t like children that much and I can get very moody and want to be alone a lot of time.

24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? - Listening to my favorite band while laying in bed.

25. When was the last time you felt awkward? - Today.

26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? - A mixture of both. It always depends on the situation.

27. What constitutes a good friend? - Honesty, loyalty, the same humor, a good listener, someone who can put their phone away while being with me.

28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? - One best friend.

29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? - That someone is pissed.

30. What is your dream job? - Something I love doing, that makes me happy. I want a job where I can be independent.

31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? - Lazy but smart.

32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe? - That I’m crying a lot when I’m on my own.

33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? - Why do they have to be so stubborn all the fucking time?

34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? - The Harry Potter world.

35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. - She’s not a friend of mine anymore. She treated me like shit after she got together with her current boyfriend because he told her, that I’m not worth her friendship.

36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? - I would want to find myself and find a way with that other person how to work this shit out.

37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? - I would burn it.

38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? - Uh, I don’t know?

39. Name the last book you read. - “Achtnacht” by Sebastian Fitzek.

40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? - In a bad way of course. It would never be the same with friends again.

41. When was the last time you made the first move? - A week ago.

42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? - I personally don’t like it and wouldn’t say that this is ‘music’.

43. What was the last movie you watched? - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

44. Do you like and appreciate your life? - Currently not really.

45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? - No.

46. When was the last time you cried? - Today.

47. What are you scared of? - Since my childhood, I was scared of the No-Face, don’t know why. It’s getting better, but I can’t watch the movie ‘Spirited Away’.

48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? - A lot of cringe-worthy things happen to me every day. But I’m not embarrassed easily.

49. What are some of your hobbies? - Listening to music, reading, going to the cinema with friends, attending concerts, traveling.

50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make? - I’m sometimes really sloppy.

51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? - I think so. I’m a good listener and try to be as honest as possible. Also I want to make my friend’s days better.

52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? - No.

53. What have you learned the hard way? - That I can’t have everything and do everything I want to.

54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? - Motivation.

55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.) - Photography.

56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? - Creative.

57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? - I completed school successfully.

58. What is your ideal meal? - Italian pasta with sea food. Would die for that right now.

59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? - Not being honest.

60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? - YES. All kinds of animals.

61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? - Guns.

62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? - I sometimes really enjoy listening to trashy songs.

63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? - Fandoms.

64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? - Not really.

65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society? - Beauty is a good way for everyone to express how they feel. It doesn’t matter what you look like, the beauty lies within yourself. I think it’s great that big girls/boys also get recognized nowadays. Because they’re as beautiful as thin girls/boys.

66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? - Not at all. If I go to work I have to get up at 6 AM. If not, usually at 10 AM.

67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? - Yes. The Lion King. I love Nala.

68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? - City.

69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? - Near the ocean.

70. What are the best things about winter? - The snow, the cold storms and the silence that lies within a snowy day.

71. What scares you most about the future? - That I don’t know what might happen.

72. What makes you feel old? - Seeing tv shows I used to watch as a kid/teen.

73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? - Uff, I think about 10 hours.

74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? - Don’t have any.

75. What is your life story in 6 words? - Full of traveling and lovely friends.

76. Describe yourself in one word. - Ambitious.

77. What bad habits do you do? - I often command people.

78. What genre of music do you listen to? - I love love looove pop-punk.

79. Most prominent childhood memory? - The divorce of my mom and dad.

80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? - I think we’d do a lot more dangerous stuff and he would be over protective.

81. Spirit animal? - Sherlock Holmes.

82. Do you believe in horoscopes? - Yeah, kinda.

83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given? - “Be yourself.”

84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. - My two best friends Iris and Marci and @hopedreamssoul. ❤️

85. Favorite memory of your family. - The chilled Sundays in our house.

86. What do you look for in a relationship? - Honesty, openness, loyalty, a bright smile, a kind heart, a good listener and someone adventurous.

87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? - No, I don’t think so. I’m just who I am, I don’t need a role model.

88. What is your opinion on social media? - I like it. But it can ruin a lot too. I see people barely talking to each other when they’re out with friends because they constantly stare at their phones. I HATE that.

89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? - Pessimist.

90. List some things that you think are overpriced? - Shoes, clothes, make-up, hygiene products.

91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? - The day my second mother (still don’t like the word ‘stepmom’) died. Basically the year 2012.

92. What superpower would ruin the world? - Immortality.

93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? - Drinking alcohol.

94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? - That not everything’s what it seems and you have to work hard in order to achieve the things you want. Surround yourself with the right people, the ones you can trust. The Lord Of The Rings and Harry Potter movies, basically.

95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? - Currently, I’m in a ‘far-away’ mood. So New Zealand, maybe.

96. How do you approach people? - With a poker-face.

97. What is your opinion on first impressions? - The first impression isn’t what it is. You can’t judge a book by it’s cover. Or a book you’ve only read 5 pages in.

98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? - I went outside a lot, dancing, playing the transverse flute.

99. What languages can you speak? - German, English, Spanish, a bit Italian.

100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? - Mind-controlled over social media/phones/computers.

101. What do you do on your lazy days? - Laying in bed, reading.

102. What ended your last relationship? - Disagreements.

103. Favorite food? - I love the potato salat from my grandma.

104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? - That my mom and I were trapped inside a cage of lions and the only way she could help me out is that she stays in the cage forever. I dreamed that dream every night when I was a child.

105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? - Yesterday.

106. What was the last friendship you broke? - With one of my former best friends/ex-boyfriend.

107. Do you have any pet peeves? - People with bad table manners, noisy eaters, animal cruelty, homophobic people.

108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? - My sister’s best friend.

109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? - Last Thursday.

110. What part of your personality do you want to change? - My mood changes.

111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? - My dad.

112. What is your biggest motivation? - Watching other people succeed.

113. What did you want to be when you were little? - I wanted to be a veterinarian.

114. What are some things that you are good at? - Playing instruments, listening to other people, being funny and I’m also very spontaneous.

115. What is one thing you want to be good at? - Singing.

116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? - My phone.

117. How important is privacy to you? - Very important.

118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? - Being nice to everyone when you meet them, no matter what color/gender/sexuality or how the person looks.

119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? - I don’t know. I’m not the person who’s telling crazy or big lies.

120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? - I don’t attend parties that often, and if so, I wouldn’t be someone to tell a story about myself.

121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? - I don’t know.

122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? - I smiled the whole time, even though I wasn’t really in the mood of smiling.

123. What is your morning routine? - Getting out of bed really slowly, going to the bath, getting dressed and run out of the house because I’m late again.

124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering? - I helped someone out who couldn’t help themselves.

125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? - Help.

126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" - I don’t know anything about it, so.

127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? - Pros: You can really be honest with everyone, they know you won’t lie to them; Cons: You may hurt some peoples feelings and may loose friends.

128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? - Showing someone the direction of life, idk.

129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? - Both.

130. What do you admire most about your friends? - Their smiles and honesty.

131. What do you admire most about your family? - They are all open-minded.

132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" - I personally am not going with the flow. But if it bring’s you joy, go for it.

133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? - Both.

134. When is it time to end a friendship? - When you have the feeling it’s not worth it anymore. When you’re distant and not interested in what the person is saying anymore.

135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? - That I’m not feeling well. (I always use that excuse.)

136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? - GPA doesn’t matter where I live.

137. What are your favorite baby names? - Nick and Merry.

138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? - In February in Berlin with @hopedreamssoul.

139. What instantly ruins a conversation? - When a person is constantly interrupting someone.

140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs.- Turn ons: Contagious smile, honesty. Cons: Disrespect and racist people.

141. Biggest disappointment. - Myself.

142. Do you have any self-restraint? - Not really.

143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? - When I was in Lisbon with my family.

144. Prized possession(s)? - My books.

145. What is your opinion on second chances? - It depends on what the person did to you. I uneasily forgive people.

146. Text or call? - Text.

147. What do you like about the 21st century? - I can’t think of one single thing, well.

148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? - GO TO SCHOOL, YOU FUCK!

149. How organized are you? - Really organized.

150. Favorite mode of transportation. - By train.

#personal #personal tag #asks

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