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handelplayssims · 2 years

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Welcome welcome to the small port town of Evergreen Harbor! Already its residents are hard at work changing it’s world. AKA, I am a certified NAP supporter here. And I especially like the ones in Evergreen Harbor that have NAPs that change the status of it’s world. Kinda wish we could do that for others, building them up in an industrial or green way. Alas and alack, politics simulator is limited here.

For all of it’s changes, Evergreen Harbor is an extremely popular place for townies and other folk to move in and out of. In particular, it seems to be a gathering hub for the young university going students. Such as this duo!

Mete-Brandt: Session One

The History thus Far:

Belle Brandt was the initial member of this household, completing her Computer Science degree...in Britechester! But with her aspiration, I had a good reason as to why she might have gone for a degree in a college she didn’t get the prestige version from! Her aspiration was to be a famous actress! Alas, sometimes we must do what we must in order to pay the bills and a Computer Science degree is definitely one that leads to cushy careers.

But during her time in Britechester, she met and fell in love with a dramaturge! Rua Mete is a student of the Drama course, Belle’s dream! Alas, there was no way I was going to manage two degrees at one time and so, I put his degree on hold… (and also he’s on probation, like many a townie going to uni would be.) Now it’ll be Rua’s turn to finish off his degree!

But what’s this?

Rua’s mad about Belle cheating!? What is this?

Well, let’s just say I had a vampire drop in with alluring aura when both were around. Both were smitten by said vampire’s good looks and promptly flirted with her...in complete view of each other. Honestly, surprised that not both of them are grumpy with each other but hey.

So for this session! The plan is to get Rua up and out of uni! Which should be easy enough considering he only has three courses left to do in his studies.

So let’s get in and get started!

First to get Rua in university. Normally I tend to make the third class an elective but the third class at this point is charisma and he’s not even at level 2 in charisma at this point! Most of his skilling that’s relevant to his degree seems to be level 4 in comedy and level 8 in fitness.

...meaning I know what I’m doing with him after I get him out of Uni already.

And he’s already grumpy about being near his wife. Glorious.

Anyway, it’s a weekend so I see voting is open so might as well check the NAPs and…

...that explains the high fitness skill in particular! Sims who spawn and hang out in this area will just drop and do push ups and pull ups randomly. Also, I don’t particularly feel like changing any of these. Or going around and going up to random sims and going “HEY! HEY! Please sign my petition!” We got a degree to finish! Oh and turn around.

Anyway, I feel Rua should take some time for himself so we’re heading out for the local library!

You may be wondering where and why this library exists? Well I keep a notepad document detailing out the local venues and general location everything is in approximation to everything. And for a bit, we didn’t have too many in the way of libaries in the local area. Enter this venue done by Hebbe-san on the Gallery! It’s wild and cooky enough to fit within Evergreen Harbor’s aesthetics and draws in folks from many places for it’s eccentric vibe! A fun place for a Uni student to take some time for himself and get some homework in.

Loading in and oh hey! It’s New Years.

Seasons expansion, which is pretty much a requirement for many, including myself, introduces holidays to the Sims. With it, you have a bunch of traditions to pick from to celebrate. I’ve also personally adjusted the holiday to fit within the middle of winter rather than right at the end because while it’s not quite accurate to reality, it is more accurate to Sims compressed time week. And Saturday just feels right for New Years to be on.

Belle doesn’t have any traditions she particularly wants to do but Rua wants to make those resolutions! I’d say academic success but that’s not quite within the frame work. Let’s go with something easy and pick up Level a Skill, since in the course of studying, you do want to level those skills.

Anyway, let’s get started on that homework! I use the calender system to determine which ones I want to do first, with first classes getting dibs and such.

Oh sweet! Afternoon classes! Just like in reality, afternoon classes are much more fun, as you don’t need to be as stringent on when you want to go to bed. Just like in reality…

Anyway, homework time! And as soon as Rua actually sat on a chair instead of in the ground, he raised his Charisma skill up to 2, fulfilling that resolution! HUZZAH! Huzzah for easy resolutions!

So Rua went to the restroom and...had a toilet explode on him. Yeesh. He was feeling happy for the resolution but the whole toilet explosion and the puddles afterwards bumped him back down into being grumpy. No time to worry about that though! Back to homework!

It is here that I point out that when you drop in on a Sim household randomly, their needs are likely way out of balance with each other. Especially the food and sleep one. Though considering Rua is a college student, it’s a little less of a concern...until classes start that is so to speak. And also, it’s New Years! We gotta stay up for New Years celebration!

Anyway, I glance at twitter for a few moments as homework continues completion and Rua’s getting accosted by a child. Heh. Children do hang around library lots a lot, when not at school. Them and parks. You know, as a child does. If a child is allowed to roam free where one wants to roam.

I also get a good look at the sim next to Rua and -low whistle- what an outfit. I know the devs at some point adjusted clothing settings so that for those of certain neighborhoods, they’ll wear certain outfits to fit the vibe of the area. This lady is just wearing a big shabby coat which...I guess that’s fitting!

Anyway with Rua’s needs extremely low, I set him to home and set him up to eat a PB&J and take a short nap. I also get control of Belle again and also set her resolution to Raise a Skill. I want the variety in case I either work on her acting aspiration or skill her up for her job.

Anyway, the big way I play this game is to play through the whims and wants of what a Sim wishes to do. Which is a bit of a drawback when I also tend to play the aspirations out but eh. Anyway, Belle’s wish is to share her insecurities with someone and...well her husband is feeling awful so let’s talk to someone else.

I picked Arun Bheeda, her co-worker in engineering, to chat with. Mostly because she doesn’t know him completely yet and so, why not? Thanks to their passively gained relationship when I wasn’t looking, they quickly became great friends! Hooray! And so she toasted and made merry and had a good time with Aurun enough to mark of the Party Time holiday tradition. Fairly easy one to do. Just find the socials that have the holiday mark on them.

And Rua woke up in the time inbetween, again, very angry at Belle for the cheating AND because he was still grumpy thanks to the bad social, plus he was still sleepy. I had Belle’s music playing in the background and he even got the wish to dislike it, and so I did. Just everything about his wife’s preferences annoys him.

...and if I was very mean, I could stir up some drama…

But mostly, I just wanted Rua to try to have some fun, which the auto-solver decided would be smashing a bunch of clay we had nearby. Fine by me! I also set Belle up to gain her acting skill, for a little bit, since her acting aspiration wanted her to get up to level 3 in acting. And she swiftly did! Now she’s in rank 2, which includes joining the acting career. Hmmmmmmmmm…

Another nap for Rua since his fun need was fulfilling at all thanks to music he hated blaring. And we get a visitor to this household. Mario Caliente, husband of Katrina Caliente and vampire! Not the one who rushed in and made the relationship between Belle and Rua tense though. Belle chatted him up a little, finding out he’s also an alumi from Britechester. But enough chatting it’s time for the countdown!

When it gets near midnight on New Years, all Sims on lot will head towards a tv and watch the countdown. And say “shi-shoobe!” as the time draws near. It’s cute and adorable!

And when the New Year rolls around, everyone cheers and the tv gives a little burst of explosion of confetti. Again, very cute! And fulfills the Countdown to Midnight tradition!

Anyway, I decided to have Belle take a day off for New Year’s Day, which isn’t a holiday but hey, I figured why not? She has a job as a hardware constructor that would hopefully give those vacation days. Hopefully.

Now I’m stuck on what to do with Belle. Her whim is to be in a well-decorated area which, thanks to a mod I have, Meaningful Stories, that doesn’t really affect much on gameplay and the other one is going on a date. Her date is alseep. Her date is also going to be knee-deep in homework when he wakes up. I could translate that whim into being in a classy enviroment though. The local museum is the classiest place around but I think it would be “closed” at this time. So we have bars, lounges and nightclubs and definitely the local bar doesn’t count for that. But then I look at my list of places and I get an idea…

Cabash Gallery my beloved. San Myshuno is just great in general, probably the best world in terms of how much playtime I put into all the residents there and all the activities to do. So to sort of fulfill the whim, I had her browse the artworks on the first floor for a bit.

And thus did New Years end, earning both Rua and Belle an excellent 12 hour happy moodlet! Just had a fun holiday in general.

I then realized I could easily do one of the next steps in Belle’s acting aspiration. Doing a street performance! I introduced her to a random joe off the streets and had her perform and impromptu romance scene! I’d say “good thing her husband doesn’t know about this” but uh, judging by the stilted lines they give, it probably isn’t very good. She only gets 10 simmolians so...yeah.

And just as soon as I’m about to declare this a day, bills drop in! Fun tip! If bills drop when you’re off-lot, you’re only going to pay for the lot taxes! And so, 1,200 poorer, we end this post for now.

#sims 4 #liveblogging #mete-brandt #belle brandt #rua mete #university #evergreen harbor

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fade-out-lights · 2 years

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uhmm... reconsider.....

#love how spanish's been almost the only thing keeping me from snapping and quitting #and now they tell me they haven't been planning to continue the program😍😍#like..... what is even the point of choosing the third foreign language if you won't keep choosing it and if you won't keep making it a #choice?#a1?#well thank you very much what am i supposed to do with it?#almost the ONLY great and serious and devoted lecturer and uni be like😊😊😊guess you're done learning spanish. enough.#and THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE who choose shit like 'how to START a START UP'#shut up shut up shut up #i hate it #i hate all these non-existent shite like how to be successful how to start a start up how to manage the fucking managements #WHY #WHY do you need it??#go to youtube and type your fucking question #watch a bunch of essays #you're done #100 people apparently want to start a fucking start up #and like..... 3 stupidos are like mmhm i want to continue with my spanish because that's how you learn a language you continue🤗🤗#i'm MAD #if you need a whole ass half a year or even a full year #of a person telling you how to be successful #or how to..... START a START SHHHHFUCKING UP #you'll never gonna do this #today i choose violence toward wannabe influencers #we're not even the best uni in the country what do you expect?#you gonna be reading some book from 00s IF LUCKY #written by a MAN you've never heard of

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whoseafraidofliloleme · 3 years

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Invisible Chapter 12

Summary: YN YLN has always been third in Class 2-5, right behind Lee Su Ho and Kang Soo Jin but with both of them having left Saebom Highschool, this is her time to shine. That is until Han Seosangnim asks her to tutor Han Seo Jun. A guy who doesn’t even know she existed.

Ship: Han Seo Jun x Female Reader.

Word Count: 1798. I try to keep my chaps over 1k at least.

Sorry, it's been so long since the last chapter.... Life really got in the way and well Uni starts from tomorrow. So who knows when I'll be able to write the next chapter.

Also I know I said Seo Jun will be back this chapter.... Uh he's not but I promise he'll be in the next one 🥺🥺🥺.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated with any reactions or whatever you want to say. Again I really don't know where I am going with this.

Taglist: @thealexalcala @hayateotaku @tomihoeka @goatqueen3 @jeminiepabo @hiraeth-maximoff @yaomomvs

Anyone interested in being added to the tag list, just let me know 😊.

True Beauty Masterlist.

Chapter 11.

We got Hyun Ji & Si Woo + Mi Soo Unni & Joon Oppa GIFs cause these 4 are front and centre this chapter.

Chapter 12.

You looked at your best friends, their faces were a blank slate. Nothing could give away what either of them was thinking.

Both of them wouldn’t look at you. Instead of looking at the pictures on the wall behind you. However, you could see them holding hands. If anything, good came out of today, it was that Si Woo and Hyun Ji were finally a couple. You sighed, they looked at each other. Opened their mouths to say something before closing them again.

You rolled your eyes at them, before looking at Mi Soo Unnie who was standing behind the sofa. Mi Soo Unnie nodded her head and came to where you were standing in front of the sofa.

“So, Monica and Chandler how are we figuring this out?” Unnie asked bluntly. You couldn’t help but laugh at the Friends reference. Mi Soo Unnie was a big fan. Watching Friends episodes were her way to destress from wedding planning.

In the last few months, Mi Soo Unnie had made many a comment about how Si Woo and Hyun Ji were similar to Monica and Chandler.

The two in question looked at each other and then pointed at you. You looked at them confused but they just shrugged their shoulders in unison. You shuddered to see them be so in sync with each other.

“Nah this is not fair, why am I the only one who has to deal with this. What happened to all for one and one for all” You exclaimed frustrated. Hoping that seeing you get frustrated.

Si Woo and Hyun Ji would change their mind. It made no difference, however; they kept their poker faces but did reply to you.

“Well, all for one and one for all still counts YNie but not when the issue at hand is Lee Hae Sung, we’ve never claimed to be his best friend and quite frankly I don’t want anything to do with the dickhead but eh we put up with him for you and it was probably the same for him too.” Si Woo told you calmly, with Hyun Ji nodding her head in agreement.

You knew that Si Woo was right. No matter how much you tried to get Si Woo, Hyun Ji and Hae Sung to get along, they didn’t. You knew that most of the time it was the four of you, they all just pretended to care about one another.

Asking and talking enough to make anyone think that they were good friends.

“YNie, Si Woo has a point. I’ve seen you four hang out and it was clear to see that Lee Hae Sung didn’t want to be there with them. His duality is madness. One minute he would happily be talking to you and then Si Woo says something and there’s a look of disgust. But in a flash that expression has changed into a fake smile” Mi Soo Unnie said. You frowned, in all the years of being best friends with Hae Sung. How have you not noticed this. None of what has been revealed to you makes any sense to you. You just don’t understand why Hae Sung would do any of this.

Seeing your expression change. Hyun Ji got up and hugged you, you held on tight to her and burst out crying. Shocked at this sudden change, Si Woo and Mi Soo Unnie hugged you too. You were being hugged from all sides, it wasn’t until you calmed down, that the impromptu group hug ended. Now you were sitting on the sofa in between Si Woo and Hyun Ji, with one arm around your shoulder and the other holding your hand. All three of you looked at Mi Soo Unnie but before anyone could say anything.

Joon Oppa and your Eomma came into the house. Eomma going straight up to her room and Joon Oppa stood next to Mi Soo Unnie in front of you three with a thunderous expression. Unnie alarmed at his expression immediately hugged him, Joon Oppa hugged her back and started whispering to her. You tried to listen in, but they were talking too fast for you to even understand the conversation.

Getting tired of being out of this conversation that was about you. By the way, both Mi Soo Unnie and Joon Oppa would turn their heads to look at you. All three of you on the sofa cleared your throats. Laughing your Unnie and her fiancé let go of each other and turned to face the three of you sat on the sofa.

“So YN, you know how we thought the video was as bad as it got” Joon Oppa started to say but never got to finish as you interrupted him.

“Lee Hae Sung’s Eommoni has been controlling my life through education for the last few years.” You say calmly. After watching the video, a lot of things that had happened in terms of getting into schools and scholarships or in your case not getting them made a lot of sense.

“Wait, how exactly has she been controlling YN’s life through education?” Hyun Ji questioned. While she had watched the video that Jae Yi had, she was under the impression, that this was the only time Lee Hae Sung had interfered in your life by going to his Eommoni to get something done.

“Ah my dear Hyun Ji, let me explain how that little shit has been controlling my dear little sister’s life,” Joon Oppa said. At that, all three of you got comfortable on the sofa. Knowing Joon Oppa’s love for theatrics, he was going to make this into a big ordeal, make a whole spectacle of this.

Laughing Mi Soo Unnie told Joon Oppa to wait as she would bring Popcorn for this. Letting her get settled with her bowl of Popcorn that you ate out of despite her protests. Joon Oppa cleared his throat and you all turned to him, ready to listen.

“So, from the video, we know that Hae Sung’s Eommoni Kang Soo Hee was the one who made Gong Jae Yi’s principal choose him for that School exchange, even though he hadn’t applied and didn’t want to go but his principal forced him to go anyway.”

“Well, this meeting that we had with the Private Investigator the Gong’s hired to look into if Kang Soo Hee had done similar things to others or it was just a one-off and well the results were surprising but not at the same time.”

“Every scholarship that YN applied for that was rejected, had initially been accepted but it was because of Kang Soo Hee that all the schools were forced into rejected YN’s application or face losing funding and support from the local education board. That time she applied to change to Gong Jae Yi’s High School, her application was accepted.”

“The principal was proud to have such a topper as one of his students in his school but again due to pressure from Kang Soo Hee. Her application was rejected. From what the Private Investigator said, Kang Soo Hee was already making plans to interfere with YN’s University applications as well.” Joon Oppa laid it all out for us. Sure, you guessed this was the case but a part of you still didn’t want to believe it. A last-ditch attempt at hoping, that Hae Sung wasn’t as bad. As you all were assuming from this news.

“But Oppa, just because Kang Soo Hee was doing all this, that doesn’t mean it was because Hae Sung was telling her, she could just be doing it herself.” You said slowly. This was a feeble attempt to not be assuming that Hae Sung was the real mastermind behind all this.

You were hoping to be right, that Hae Sung wasn’t involved in all this. Even if Gong Jae Yi yesterday had said that he thought Hae Sung was the reason for his leaving, the end of your relationship. That didn’t make it true. Hae Sung could be completely innocent in all this. He might not know that his Eommoni was doing all this, abusing her power this way to make sure you never got any of the scholarships you applied for or schools you applied for.

Joon Oppa sadly shook his head. He knew what was going through your head and as much as he wanted to lie to you. Tell you what you wanted to hear. He couldn’t do that. You needed to know the truth. Joon Oppa didn’t know what exactly you would do after finding out, but he was sure that Lee Hae Sung was out of your life for the foreseeable future or even forever.

“I’m sorry kiddo, there’s evidence that the Private Investigator found of Hae Sung being the one to tell Kang Soo Hee about your scholarships, school applications and Gong Jae Yi. He told her to make sure that you didn’t get accepted for anything. Nothing that would mean you went to a new school away from him and in terms of what to do with Gong Jae Yi. Hae Sung just told Kang Soo Hee to make him leave. For being the head of the local education board, Kang Soo Hee’s way of hiding everything was to just have a backup phone that could be hacked into. I’m sending you everything you need to confront Hae Sung with” Joon Oppa told you. You were crying again and not even hiding it. Again, everyone surrounded you in a group hug, which somehow ended in all five of you falling onto the floor.

As much as you hated confrontation, you knew like the time you confronted Hae Sung about almost hurting Hyun Ji, you would be doing this again. Unlike last time where you knew that at some point you would forgive Hae Sung. After all, you’d found out, there was no forgiving Lee Hae Sung now. How could you even forgive someone who had been taking away opportunities from you. Things you worked hard for, applied for, and then cried to Hae Sung about not getting them. Hae Sung let you cry on his shoulder for being rejected, feeling like you would amount to nothing. Meanwhile, it was his fault that you were being rejected, that you broke up with your boyfriend.

For what, so you wouldn’t leave him. Hae Sung was in for a reckoning because you weren’t going to let his anger or your fear for his mean words get to you this time.

Your friends and Seo Jun had helped you in realising that you were more than the mean words Hae Sung would fling at you in anger. You were confident in knowing that you would have everyone’s help in confronting Lee Hae Sung.

Chapter 13.

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ravenadottir · 3 years

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Hear me out: headcannons about Bobby growing old with mc🥺 (I needed some fluff T-T)

no no no no no, you can’t just come in here and do this to me!! that’s so wholesome! i think i’m gonna have to divide this in decade marks, and maybe stop at the 30 year mark? i can do a part II later. 🤔

‘10 year mark’

the ‘mckenzie’ brand has expanded to restaurants, bars and bakeries all over the uk

the bars are considered a hot spots in the big cities. pictures of young ‘paisley cuddle’ are scattered on the walls, along with the pics from the villa’s parties, to set the theme

the restaurants have bobby and his experiences with famous chefs, like jake ‘sweetcheeks’ wilson, mary berry, gordon ramsey, wolfgang puck.

the bakeries however have the pictures from the time bobby went on the bake off show and won.

there’s small town models of the bakeries/restaurants that are seen as ‘family diners’

you and bobby already have two kids, 4 years apart from each other. in my head bobby is the type to have them earlier so they can live their best life together, have fun in the kitchen or in the backyard playing ball.

he loves throwing birthday parties every year, and of course, baking the cake. to which year is a different theme. “babe, you take care of the decorations and the details i’m definitely gonna forget, and me?” he puffs his chest holding a whisk. “i’m the cake guy.”

bobby is the reason why the kids love the parties so much. he’s the type of parent that goes on the slider with the kids, jumps with them in the bounce house, starts the water balloon wars…

the parents are so thankful for him since he’s pretty much the one who keeps an eye on them at all times.

usually, he’s waking up early every day because it became a habit since his hospital times. he never really shook that habit. so he prepared breakfast, takes the dog out, while you wake the kids up to eat and rush them to school

the dad that takes two different cameras and a phone to film and take pictures during his kids’ public presentations, games, recitals and science fairs “dad, one phone is enough” “yeah, but your dad needs backup! i’m from the 90′s darling. i can’t be any different” he says, shrugging with a grin.

you guys have a small house on the outskirts of glasgow or london, depending on who won the bet you had when you got married.

you’re pregnant again. entirely unplanned and now bobby can’t stop crying,. he always wanted three kids.

‘15 year mark’

a third child came three years ago, which made you consider a much more peaceful place to buy a house. and a bigger one for that matter.

bigger bakyeard means more people and their kids playing around the lawn, as bobby and gary grill sausages, making stupid jokes about it, and you and the girls have drinks shaking your heads.

you and bobby are gary’s kids’ godparents

ibrahim can’t come, he’s to busy making mad money on brand deals. noah is calming the kids down, by reading something in the living room, while bobby shakes a cocktail for the tired parents.

gary gives you a new couple of puppies, because the dog you had has unfortunately passed away. (sorry!)

your first kid is just turning 13 and being a little pain in the ass. but they like their uncles and aunties so they will actually raise their heads from *inser new device that will replace phones*

you guys travel in your car, to spend a week in cabins, fishing, playing ball, having picnics close to the lake

bobby always throws at least one of the kids in the water, before jumping in and splashing everyone. “bet you can’t do better than that, babe…” he says to you, raising his brows suggestively. “watch me, mckenzie.”

summer time and the lake became a tradition since it was the first place you and him spent a holiday alone

the employees that attend to you in hotels refer to you as “the mckenzie’s”

in the city, you have a trustworthy babysitter that will spend the night so you and bobby can have some time alone

he surprises you with dates and flowers out of nowhere

early nights are made for you and bobby to help the kids with homework

at this point, bobby is invited to be a special guest in cooking/baking competitions in the uk

and to have a “masterclass” of hiw own, where he mostly credits you for the idea of expanding, the execution of the administrative plans and how to actually expand a business. “i only do the cooking. she’s the genius behind the money.” he laughs while crossing his legs during his online course.

‘20 year mark’

kids’ sad times. graduations are happening. the youngest is entering third grade, the other one is in uni, far from home. “did you have to choose something so far from your old man?” “dad… of course! how else would i have a ‘paisley cuddle’ phase?” they respond, laughing. “i should’ve never told you thats story! now you’re having ideas!” “relax dad. everything is gonna be fine!” the middle one is entering high school and their rebellious phase.

bobby follows through with his part of the deal when you got married, by wearing something ridiculous to embarrass your kid at their graduation. “dad, you look like a hawaiian drug dealer.” “ i know,” “oh, so it wasn’t dark when you got dressed? mom!” “what can i say, your dad doesn’t care for blacks and blues.” “yeah, right…”

professionaly, bobby has a renowned signature dish, plenty of new ideas for the future, like school and courses.

the house is the same you bought five years ago, but now, it’s mostly parents getting together for barbecues, cocktails, movies and game nights

the younger children stay in the tv room upstairs

‘25 year mark’

your second child didn’t go to uni, and decided to help out on the family business. they always felt like this was the life for them and couldn’t wait to finish school to start.

bobby wanted them to go to school to learn everything they could “but dad, you didn’t, and you know so much.” “oof, they got you there, babe.”

you have a second wedding ceremony and a second honeymoon

bobby has a few grey hairs popping through his dreads

he’s still wearing colorful shirts and girls on social media call him ‘daddy’

he’s been invited to cook for the queen (yes, she’s still alive)

you see your friends a few times more a year now.

your third child is going to uni, to follow a career path you never imagined they would, but you’re proud of them

you decided to sell the house, that’s so big now, and find a smaller one that still has an extra bedroom for when your oldest comes to stay with their partner

bobby cracks dad jokes now, and according to gary, he picked them up from him “sure, gary, ‘cause you’re the only man on the planet who tells dad jokes” “stop bickering! you’re like an old married couple.” you say, slapping their arms playfully

‘30 year mark’

your first child just had their first child

“you’re a grandpa, bobs!” gary slaps him on the back, picking up a box of cigars that they will share with noah and ibrahim.

“can’t believe i’m this old.” “if you’re old, what am i?” you ask him, folding your arms on your chest. “beautiful?” he responds with a clear guilty expression.

‘things that would happen at all times during this entire journey’

bobby would sing to the kids every night

you would read them bedtime stories, taking turns to do the voices

it’s a tradition to cook together on special occasions, no matter what happens. the three kids, you and bobby would always spend the day listening to music, talking about life, slicing, sauteeing, mixing, measuring. it’s a tradition that will never die

when your grandkids come around, they will be the the ones resposible for measuring

drawings that your kids do in school akways have extra colors on bobby’s outfits. his name also has more than three colored letters

bobby has taught your kids how to play the guitar

rainy afternoons were known as “dad’s baking afternoons”

you and bobby had a hard time to find a compromise between being friends and parents.

open conversations with your kids, about everything. they knew what to expect in the world.

bobby’s parents would visit, to spend a whole weekend and share stories of his childhood, as yours would too

family vacation always had a ‘car trip and singing along to the radio’ type of tradition as well

your oldest now takes their child for family vacation in the same spot you and bobby used to

twice a year you guys rent a place for the family to have some bonding, even after they get married (or not)

“your dad is the finest pillow fort architect in the uk”

camping in the backyard when you had to cancel a trip

you’re in charge of coaching and playing sports in the back of the house while bobby relaxes under the sunlight “i was never very athletic”. he’s the empire

*these are the ones on the top of my head. i must’ve left dozens behind :/

#litg #love island the game #love island the game season 2 #litg s2 #litg season 2 #fusebox #fusebox games #bobby mckenzie #queue #submission #litg bobby

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somuchtostudysolittletime · 2 years

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Hey Maria! Love your blog.

I am a high-school senior and I would love to major in Pharmacy(hopefully). I am just worried it would be too much of an academic challenge. Could you please tell me what I should be expecting and preparing for? I don't yet have a Plan B and I feel like it would be a disaster if I don't rein things in right now.

Thanks in advance.

Hi, sorry for the slow reply, it's been a mad week!

Given that you're a high school senior, I'm going to make the assumption that you aren't in the UK - unfortunately I don't know a huge amount about pharmacy elsewhere, so might not be hugely helpful (eg I think in America you have to do an undergrad then postgrad pharmacy?!)

First of all - absolutely go for it. If you want to do pharmacy there is absolutely no reason that you can't. Academically, my first year of uni was A-levels repeated but in a lot more depth, basically. Second year was hardcore pharmacology and chemistry and biology (if you can survive that you're good though - you don't have to think about it too much in real life) and then in third and fourth years we toned down the science and started applying drugs to situations that you'll use them. Each year got more intense with self-directed study instead of lectures etc, but because it was in gradual increments, you really didn't notice the step ups too much.

I found pharmacy super intense tbh, but if you keep on top of deadlines you should be fine. First year for us doesn't count towards our degree, so its more of a gentle ease-in, where you can get used to how uni works and living away from home and and figuring out how you study best. In the later years of uni, I simply studied in the library all day when I wasn't in classes, and then I didn't have to go home and study so I could enjoy my evenings and weekends.

The other good thing about pharmacy is that you can't study it at school. Therefore it's a fairly level paying field. Yes, having good biology/chemistry/maths foundations will help, but your teachers will know that you haven't studied pharmacology before, so they aren't expecting you to l know or understand everything immediately. I personally found all my lecturers very supportive and willing to help if you go and see them in their office hours, if you have any problems or struggles at all with the content.

Honestly, it is very intense. It's also very rewarding as a career, and is worth the studying. Until you are walking round the hospital with a cocaine nasal spray like legally, if the police stopped me, I am allowed to be in possession of this. Then you're like oh no when did I become a respected health professional allowed to look after people. Ahhhhhhh.

For real though, go for it. Unis are supportive because they realise you've never studied the content before. I was so depressed in my first/second years I barely remember it (unrelated to studying pharmacy, I must add). I went to class and did the bare minimum studying for a large amount of those years, and I passed. I know a lot of people who did a lot less studying than me, and still passed. You absolutely can do it - best of luck!

#wow sorry for rambling this went on a bit #please let me know if you have any other questions!#altin-studies #asked #answered #pharmacy #pharmblr #pharmacy student #pharmacy school

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tyunniverse · 4 years

Text

TXT x DISNEY Halloween Shorts 🎃 (1/5)

pairing: ot5 x reader

genre: fluff, college au

warnings: light swearing

synopsis: there's a halloween event at your uni and a few students are in the mood for misfit.

yeonjun | soobin | beomgyu | taehyun | hueningkai

YEONJUN | Tangled (1.8k)

A cloud of dust flurries around the room the moment you set one of the boxes down the floor, making you sneeze. You half expected the theatre storage room to be cleaner this time of the year due to the frequent visits and rummaging of the other students, but that sadly wasn't the case.

Your class was one of the few that had a small reenactment planned for tonight's event and you were doing Tangled. Your class president's request to gather the props and costumes needed for tonight was no match for the excitement you felt when you'd been granted to play the role of your favorite character, Rapunzel. You just didn't expect the place to look like it hadn't been cared for in years, and the props and costumes to be as heavy as they are. A little help would be nice right now.

The door creaks and you quickly turn around, sighing in relief when you saw the the chair still pressed against the old door . Your class president had warned you about the door's broken knob. The thing can only be opened from the outside, and once you get shut in, you can only hope for someone to notice and get you out. Unless, of course, you're willing to face the consequences for breaking school property.

You exercised a little caution upon entering earlier, blocking the door from accidentally closing. You check the time on the clock. The play was going to start in an hour or so and luckily you were already in costume, so that's one less problem. All you needed to do now was gather the last box of costumes and you were out. The box was placed at the far end of the room so you make your way there, carefully maneuvering around the dusty cabinets and compartments as to not soil your costume.

Another creak echoes in the room and you paid it no mind, crouching down to check the contents of each box. The chair you placed there was pretty heavy, and it'd take more than the wind to push it away. You continue to check the boxes until you hear another creak and the sound of the door slamming shut.

You frantically stood up and felt the life of you being drained out as you see the door closely shut and a familiar pink hair sticking out from the other side of the cabinets.

"Oof, the winds sure are strong this time of year." You hear the person chuckle to himself and you knew all too well who it was.

You scramble your way towards the front, fuming. "Yeonjun, what the fuck?!"

"Holy—" Yeonjun jumps, clutching his chest. "Y/N?! What the hell was that for?! You scared me." He huffs, trying to calm himself down.

You glare up at him. "Do you even know what you just did?!"

Yeonjun sighs, holding his arms up. "Yes, I know, I know. I shouldn't have entered the storage room, but listen—"

"No, you listen. Do you seriously not know what you just did?" You snap.

Yeonjun gives you a confused look. "Huh? You're not talking abour me coming inside the storage room?" He cocks his head to the side when you don't answer. Poor guy felt like he was in the middle of an interrogation. He was starting to feel uncomfortable with how pissed you looked so he turns toward the door. "Look, if you're not gonna answer me then I'll just come back when you're done and—"

"Oh." Yeonjun tries twisting the doorknob again. "Haha, is this thing broken?" He laughs it off, now facing you. "You have a key right?"

Silence.

"If the key works then I wouldn't be mad right now, Yeonjun." You tell him and the gears in his mind finally click. He just locked you both in.

An idea lights up in his head and he starts searching through his pockets. "Wait, I think I have my phone with— wait, wait— yeah, no." He chuckles nervously, eyes slowly meeting yours. "You don't happen to have your phone, do you?"

"Yeah, well that's exactly why I'm here." Yeonjun sits down on top one of the boxes. "I have to dress up as the Beast and hand out flyers later but it's at the same time as Kai's performance and you know I wouldn't miss it for the world. Plus, he threatened me if I don't show up, so I got someone to switch with me."

You raise a brow, crossing your arms. "That doesn't explain why you're here though."

"Rapunzel didn't exactly have any pockets in her outfit, Yeonjun." You give your costume a quick patting. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought your department was doing this whole Beauty and the Beast themed buffet."

"I'm getting there." Yeonjun winks or at least tries to. "We have a lot of time anyway."

"Speak for yourself." You throw a dusty old rag at him and he coughs after it hits his face. "Our play starts in an hour and I have to get these costumes to them in 10 minutes. And now we're both stuck here because of you."

"Alright, I'll cut to the chase! Let's make a deal."

You throw another rag at him and he catches it, throwing it to the ground. You huff, "You're not exactly in the position to make deals, Yeonjun. You got us into this mess."

"Well, you're not in the position to decline either since we're both stuck here." Yeonjun smirks, standing up. "Look, one of my seniors is in charge of handing us our costumes and he won't be arriving for another hour. I have to get the costume myself so I can hand it to my substitute but I can't do that when my senior's keeping an eye on me. So here's the thing," He walks over to the Beast's costume that was hung up along with a few others. "You let me take this costume and swear you won't tell anyone about it. If someone from the theatre approaches you later asking about the costume, you say you don't know anything. In return, I'll get us out of here ASAP."

You stare back at him in annoyance. As much as you'd like to rat on him as usual, you were one of Kai's closest friends and unfortunately, Yeonjun was also a friend of his, hence why you knew each other. Kai at least needed one of his friends to be there for his performance and it certainly wouldn't be you. He had told you after you'd been chosen as Rapunzel and you both understood that you had your own things going on at the same time so it's fine. You still planned on making it until his last song though.

"Fine. I'm only doing this for Kai and the fact that I'm desperate to get out of here." You agree to the compromise and Yeonjun grins. "But the moment I'll get in trouble for being caught lying, you don't even wanna imagine what I'll do to you."

"Works for me." Yeonjun reaches out his hand and you two shake on it. "Now, I'm gonna need your wig."

"What? No." Your hands instinctively rope in Rapunzel's long ass wig. "It took me nearly 30 minutes to prepare this."

"Fine, then you'll have to do it yourself." Yeonjun walks over to the small window placed up high on the wall. "There's a lot of people down there but I doubt they'll hear us screaming from the third floor. Instead," He grins, pointing at your wig. "You're gonna stick your arm out with the wig and twirl it around to get their attention."

His idea was the dumbest thing you'd heard that day but it actually might be dumb enough to work. You were pretty desperate already. What's a little wig sacrifice? "Fine." You sigh, approaching him. "Hand me the chair."

"Can't." Yeonjun shakes his head. "I moved it outside."

You frown. "How am I supposed to get up there, then? None of these boxes can hold my weight."

Yeonjun chuckles as he opens his arms. "Don't worry, I'll hold you up."

Your feel your face heat up at his suggestion. The room suddenly felt a bit stuffier than it had been a moment ago and you wish you didn't have to be in this situation. "Be careful with the dress."

"Sure, sure." Yeonjun coos, moving in closer to scoop you up.

The two of you struggle for a while to balance yourselves. Yeonjun had his arms wrapped around your legs as he hoisted you up, and you quickly gather the rest of your wig and toss the length through the window.

"Start twirling it around!"

You do as he says and starts twirling the wig around like a madman.

"Start screaming! HEE— ah wait, HEEELP!!"

You giggle when his voice cracked in the middle. "HELP!!"

A crowd gathers on the ground, marvelling at the sight of a spinning wig from the third floor. A few students heard your screams and sent someone up there to rescue you. Luckily, it wasn't the senior that Yeonjun had told you about so she left the two of you to sort things out on your own after opening the door. It still baffles you how his plan even worked to begin.

The clock catches your attention, reminding you of your tight deadline. You quickly gather the boxes of props and costumes you'd prepared earlier and made a quick stop at where Yeonjun was. "I have to go." You tell him.

"Yeah, me too." Yeonjun flashes you a smile but the duffle bag he was holding doesn't go unnoticed. He follows your line of sight and chuckles when he sees you were staring at the bag. "A deal's a deal. Don't worry too much about it, we won't get caught." He attempts another wink, and this time it actually works.

"Bye then." You nod, not wanting to waste anymore time.

"Wait!" Yeonjun holds on to your wrist and you turn around, meeting his gaze. "Good luck."

"Yeah, we both know that's not what you want to say." You grin.

"You're gonna try to show up later right?" Yeonjun smirks. "I'll save you a seat next to me."

#txt imagines #txt fanfic #txt x reader #txt halloween #yeonjun imagines #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun fluff #yeonjun scenarios

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collectivefandomstuff · 4 years

Note

Hey mom! I’m stressed at 1am, any advice? I’m having trouble in school via studying sometimes it feels like we’re going from 0 to 100. And I need better study habits, do you have any advice? Bc sometimes it feels like I’m so afraid of failure that if I do study to my full potential (sounds weird) I feel like I loose the excuse of saying oh I got a bad score bc I goofed off. Like if I actually do all my effort to study and do bad, then is there something wrong with me??

(A/N: this answer is so long I almost feel ashamed to post it. I’m very sorry everyone. Anyway, if you’re looking for the concrete tips they’re at the end :) )

Hey :)

This doesn’t sound weird at all because I’m the exact same way. This way of thinking is actually more common than you’d think, and is often a part of the cognitive profile of perfectionism (btw, perfectionism isn’t that apt a name but I digress. Also, this way of thinking doesn’t mean you’re a perfectionist.). Anyway, I know a bunch of people who’ve experienced this, and the common factor isn’t fear of failure, but rather what it is you think you’re failing at. For example, I once told my therapist that I was super stressed over a bunch of stuff and I also had a paper I had to get done, and he asked me what would happen if I didn’t turn it in on time and I was like “academically? nothing. mentally? I wouldn’t be me anymore.” And that’s the stitch.

The people I know who struggle with this are often (though not exclusively) girls, and often people who’re pretty smart. They spent their childhood being told over and over that they were gifted, intelligent, and good at school. And back then, that was easy to live up to. They danced through the first few years of school without any issue, and enjoyed it a lot. They did their homework, understood stuff, and were usually “good kids”.

Now, we’re always growing and re-shaping our sense of self, but the foundations are lain when we’re children. So, when people around you keep identifying you as a smart/good student, then we start identifying ourselves like that too. Especially if it is being reinforced by your actual achievements. And then, suddenly, getting good grades isn’t about doing well or working hard, it’s about identity. It’s about who you are at your core. Thus, the stakes become infinitely higher. If you fail at a math test that you really studied for, then that means that you don’t have what it takes, and that means you are no longer yourself- the intelligent kid who’s good at school. A test might not be that anxiety-inducing, but losing your whole sense of self is. So, in that case procastination makes a lot of sense, because as long as you don’t fail while doing your best then you never put your identity on the line.

(This also applies if failing at school has become synonymous with being a failure, i.e. if you’ve been taught that doing well academically is the only way to be a successful/useful person in society, or if academic success has merged with the idea of a happy future so it feels like failing autmatically leads to an unhappy life. Essentially, mental structures that lead to a misconception of the stakes involved in a single exam/paper/task.)

That said, I do have some more practical things to say here. First off, sometimes we’re in a situation where we can’t do our best and that’s okay. I’ve failed exams, tests, papers, you name it and I still have my degree in the end. It’s never the end all of things.

Now, my own biggest freak out like this came when I started uni. My first paper I went completely insane and procrastinated like crazy, and I failed. And then the though crept in “what if I can’t do this? What if this is it. I can’t handle higher education, even if I try my hardest?” The anxiety was... big bad and mad.

I should say for this next part that my therapist once told me that I have a strangely aggressive approach to handling anxiety. Moving on. I sat down and said to myself “what is worse, to try my hardest and fail or half-ass it and never be able to live the life I want?” Since the answer was pretty obvious, I got to it. I had about 5 weeks until the next exam, and I sat down and planned every single hour until then. I studied for that damn test like I’ve never studied before, and whenever I felt anxious I would tell it to FUCK OFF and focus on the task I had planned. I didn’t allow myself to think beyond that first planning session, I just did what was next on the agenda. What am I supposed to do right now? read these 10 pages? Ok.

I’ve had two exams during my studies where I failed (the second due to the situation I was in) and ended up in this spiral. And here’s the funny thing: I have a small number of courses in uni where I got a higher grade. They include 1) courses that I found extremly interesting and 2) those two courses.

Okay! I know this is already so fucking long but I want to give you some actual tips too. Number one is obviously to plan. Take a whole day, sit down and plan the next month. Consider all your assignments, when they’re due, what you need to do to study, how long that’ll take and when that is done most efficiently. Plan everything in your calendar. Give yourself enough time for each task that you can do it even if you’re not super super focused. Do not study outside these hours. When you’re done for the day you’re done for the day. This way, there’s a clear, reachable end to each study session and you don’t feel as compelled to postpone tasks. When you sit down to study, don’t worry about the other stuff you have to do, or other subjects that you haven’t done yet. They’re all in the plan, all you have to do is what is in front of you. As long as you keep doing that you’ll make it. (If the plan goes to shit for some reason, take a day to plan a make a new one. It happens).

Some things to consider:

Different subjects are best studied in different ways. I used to set aside 15-30 minutes every day in high school for Italian, where I’d sit down and read the chapter we were working on out loud. I didn’t even focus that hard, I just did it every day- the chapter and the glossary. I STILL remember some sentences from that book. Math is best done in longer stretches, but not too long. 1-2 hours preferably. Think about how YOU work. Do you best read a textbook in one go or in increments? Do you learn better in a coffee-shop or your room? Silence? Music? This can also change depending on your subject. Plan accordingly.

For reading, time your reading speed for the book. Read a page at normal speed and clock it, then multiply that by the pages you need to read to see how much time you’ll have to plan for. Round up to give yourself room for spacing out.

Plan for breaks. Think about your normal need for it, but the uni standard is 15 minutes for every 45, making an even hour. Find a break activity that’s has a specific end, for example making some more tea/coffee and snacks and doing some stretches, or maybe playing one race in mario kart. Avoid things that you can get stuck doing beyond the alotted break time.

Buffers. For every five hours or so, plan one hour of buffer time. This is time that you can use if something takes longer than expected. If you do everything as planned, this is surprise free time! :D If you have a long study session, plan 30 minute buffers every two or three hours to be used for extra breaks and to keep panic at bay. Buffers will save your life.

Make a chart with different tasks and have little boxes that you get to fill in with fun colours when you’re done. If you have to read 100 pages, do a bar with ten boxes, that way you can see your progress visually.

Plan for days/evenings that are free. Plan what you’re going to do those days, like “movie night with X”, “play videogames and eat cupcakes”, “take a long bath and read a good book”. That way, you use your free time well and can use those days and evenings as incentive.

Prioritize your work. If you have too much to do, make a list of what’s most to least important and focus on doing the important stuff first. This includes studying tasks. What’s more important, reading that text for the third time or really understanding integrals?

Drink lots of water and eat sugar. It’s brain food. I usually bake before an intense week. That way when I feel myself going down I can go get a cupcake instead of taking time to make something to eat, or worse- try to soldier through which never works.

I hope this helped a little at least :) Good Luck! I believe in you! 💙💜

#long post #studying #academia #tips for students #asked and answered #lovely asks #tw anxiety #fear of failure

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loudsuitlover · 4 years

Text

Doctor Harry XXX. T la sudo

A/N: Everything will come for those patient enough to wait. (My abuela’s words, not mine.)

BLUE’S POV

Unbelievable. He’s still asleep. Is it possible that this is his longest night of sleep? Would he remember what he said last night? Was he hallucinating? He fell asleep right after. I remember when he told me I had recited Roy McBride’s lines on my sleep and I didn’t remember any of it the morning after. Will it be the same for him?

I have barely slept and as much as he has had trouble sleeping any other night, last night he peacefully slept through the entire night. Every time I’d wake up and look at him, there he was, peaceful, calm and vulnerable and in contrast I was tachycardic.

Harry’s phone screen illuminates with Hampstead name. I sigh. I’m about to pick up and tell them to fuck off and learn to solve their problems by themselves but I know that would be too much. But, come on, Hampstead, it’s Saturday morning and he’s asleep. Thank God it’s on silent mode.

He put it on silent mode! So if someone had called with an “emergency” last night, he wouldn’t have picked up because he was with me. Aw, I’m so proud of him! I want to kiss him until he wakes up and the suck him off to begin his day.

When the call ends, the missed call text pops up on his screen and only then I see the photo he’s got as his wallpaper. That’s me. My pulse accelerates. I don’t want to take his phone but that’s me. It’s a photo from his sister’s wedding and it’s taken from behind me when we were standing under the flower arch greeting the guests. He couldn’t have possibly taken it for he was right next to me but maybe the photographer did and he liked it. Hampstead texts him and the messages pop up on the screen.

Hampstead: Hey, I was just calling to remind you I still have the tickets for Kings of Leon tonight if you want to come!

I don’t want to read his messages. I know that’s terrible. But they’re right there… And they keep popping. I didn’t know Hampstead and him were friends. He’s never mentioned them.

Hampstead: Last week was fun!

Last week was fun? I hope he’s talking about the congress. But a congress, fun? I mean it can be interesting, it can even be thrilling… But fun?

Wait, what is going on with me? I’m not like this. What do I care what Harry talks about with his friends? Even though he’s never mentioned them… But what do I care he’s never mentioned them? Maybe they’re not that close and that’s why he has never said anything. But then, why would they invite him to a concert?

Before I know what I’m doing, I’m looking for Hampstead on Facebook. The only Hampstead I have friends in common with- those being Mario Matteoti and Harry Styles- is a girl, is a very beautiful girl. Sarah Hampstead. She’s blond and her hair is long like mine but straight. She wears it in a braid in most of the pictures and looks like Rapunzel. She’s a first year residence in Anaesthesiology at Grad hospital. The last picture she posted is a selfie with Harry. They’re smiling at the camera having a drink at some restaurant or hotel and she’s wearing her hair on a braid over her shoulder. It’s from last Tuesday when Harry was supposed to be at the congress.

My heart stops. I hate this. I hate that I’m doing this in the first place and I also hate that I’m feeling so threatened but I remember the fights I’ve had with Harry over her calls and how he walked away from me to take her call when we were at Marie’s house.

I don’t want to think this of him but… Why did he never tell me about her? And why does she think it’s okay to call him at those ungodly hours? And why does he always pick up? And why the fuck is she inviting him to a concert?

Last week was fun. Yeah, that drink they had looked like fun and they looked like they were having a good time on that stupid selfie. The congress. It’s impossible, I know it is, but what if the congress wasn’t a congress at all? I need to stop.

I get up from the bed and don’t know what to do. Do I shower without telling Harry? I mean I know he told me not to ask him if I could shower again… But it’s still his house. Well, fuck it, I need to get rid of the dirty feeling of having spied on him and then doubt him. But what if it’s true? Ugh, stop!

I can’t get their stupid selfie out of my head while I shower. Why the fuck did he never tell me about her if they’re colleagues? There’s a voice inside me that tells me he might have done it precisely to avoid this irrational reaction but fuck it. That’s not an excuse. I’m only reacting this way because he hid this from me. Why would he not tell me?

I guess I’ve acted jealous before, with Camille and that dinner of theirs… But I think when he explained it to me I took it nicely and I showed him I could be rational… Plus, does that give him the excuse to just hide things from me?

Last night he told me he loved me. I gotta focus on that. This Sarah Hampstead can text him all she wants, he loves me. He said it last night.

I forgot my clothes on my overnight bag so I make my way outside the bathroom wrapped in a towel and try not to make much noise but the moment I open the door I realize Harry’s not on the bed. I put on clean underwear and my clothes for the day and find him in the kitchen.

He’s wearing thick grey sweatpants and a white cotton long sleeve shirt and looks so cosy my frustration leaves my body through my pores. He grins when he tilts his neck and looks at me.

“Good morning.”

He keeps making breakfast. What is he doing? Is there no good morning kiss?

“I’m feeling like fruit and yoghurt. What do you want?”

“Fruit and yoghurt sounds good.”

“Guay.” He smiles.

Alright, so this is what we’re doing. Then I’m starting the conversation.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Very much so.” He smiles but his green eyes signal for me to have a seat. “And you?”

I nod.

“Take a seat, love.” He chuckles.

I walk towards my usual stool on his breakfast bar and sit down in front of him. I add some sugar to the coffee he gently prepared for me but my eyes don’t leave him. He frowns as he munches on his apple.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Okay, he doesn’t remember what he said last night. That or he’s messing with me. Or worse, he regrets it.

“Do you remember how you fell asleep?”

“With my eyes closed.”

“So you don’t.”

“You also asked me to help you put the cover over us” he says “and I did.”

“Right.”

I took a spoonful of yoghurt with pieces of kiwi and apple and fill my mouth. Either he doesn’t remember or he regrets saying it and now it’s playing dumb. Maybe the sex was so good he got confused or maybe I dreamt it. I guess it’s okay if I fell first… Even though maybe he doesn’t fall at all.

“What do you wanna do today?” He asks.

I look up at him and search for the lie on his green eyes. Did he not check his phone or does he not want to go to the Kings of Leon concert?

“What’s going on with you today? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I might have plans.”

“What do you mean you might? Do you or do you not?”

“I mean I might spend the day with my mum.”

“Oh, okay.”

We eat in silence. I might spend the day with my mum for real. I’m planning on going to my dad’s next week during the uni break to study for the finals so it’d be good to spend some quality time with my mum before I leave.

“I’m sure you can find something to do.”

He looks into my eyes.

“Alright, what is it?”

“What’s what?”

“Why are you mad?”

“I’m not mad.”

He sighs but his eyes don’t leave me.

“I just mean that you can… Go out with some friends or friend, if you want, and that’s fine.”

“I know it’s fine. Are you worried that I’m going to stay here crying if you leave or what? I can call Adam if that’d make you happy.”

“He’s got plans with Marie.”

“Right.” He has a sip of his coffee. “Well, it’s a good thing I don’t need a babysitter.”

“You could do something with another friend.”

“Yes, I could.”

“Guay.” I shrug.

He narrows his eyes at me.

“All I meant is I understand that people want you around, that they appreciate your presence, you know? It’s nice.”

“Why?”

I look up into his eyes again. His hands are intertwined before him as if he was waiting for my answer.

“Because you’re fun and a good person and a good friend. I think it makes sense that people from your environment want you around.”

“Is that what you think?”

I nod.

“Why?”

“I’ve told you. To me, being with you is… easy and nice.”

“Why?”

Again? He sounds like a three-years-old. I don’t know what he wants me to tell him.

“I guess because of the way you treat me. You’re gentle and caring and kind…”

He lets go of his own hands and covers his mouth with one of them but his eyes give him away. He’s trying to hide a smile. I don’t think I’m saying anything funny. He shuts his eyes and when he opens them, he takes his hand off his face and looks at me with affection and amusement.

“Am I your second boyfriend?” He asks.

My blood freezes on my veins. Please, God, don’t let him ask me about Dylan.

“No.”

He raises his eyebrows questioningly.

“What does it matter?”

“I’m just trying to understand something.”

“Third.”

He nods.

“What happened with the second?”

Thank, God. At least he knows Dylan is not a light conversation. I look down. I have never really told him about Javier and I don’t think I want to.

“He wasn’t a good guy.”

I see concern flashing on his eyes.

“What does that mean?”

What a silly guy.

“Did he hurt you?”

I look away from him and his hand rests over mine. He understood I don’t want to talk about him.

“I’m sorry, Blue. How old were you?”

“20.”

He nods.

“What about sex?”

“What about it?”

He rolls his eyes but smiles.

“Have you slept with many people before me?”

“Less than you, that’s for sure.”

His jaw clenches slightly but he doesn’t take his hand away from mine. Come on, Blue, remember you did not want to be harsh to him.

“Three.”

Harry’s eyebrows raise and his neck moves forward. He’s so silly, he’s making me embarrassed.

“Just us three?”

“Yes, is there a problem?”

“No, baby, three is fine.” His thumb caresses the back of my hand. “So I was the first guy you had casual sex with?”

“Yes.”

He hums.

“Are you done with your interrogation?”

“Yes.” He nods. “And, baby, whatever the second guy did to you, he’s crazy because you have to be insane to let you go.”

“It’s not easy to be with me.”

“Oh, I know.”

“No, you don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

I stop myself from shivering. Can I tell him? Can I fully ruin the morning by telling him I was in love when Dylan died and that’s not going to change? Because then he will feel like I’m only with him because Dylan is not here and that’s mostly true and then he’d leave me because he must know he deserves better.

“I…. I….” I love you, but Dylan will always have a place in my heart. “I can be very harsh.”

He smirks but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I know that.” He tilts his neck. “But when you’re not, you’re funny and smart and unique. You’re lovely here” he taps my forehead with his index finger “here” he taps my heart “and your whole body is fucking lovely too, baby. Just own it.”

“Do you really think that?”

“I don’t think that, I know so and it’s a little sad that it takes a random guy like me to tell you for you to see that.”

“You’re not a random guy.”

He smiles.

“Well, have fun with your mum today then. Next week-” He starts but I cut him short.

“I’m going to my dad’s next week.”

His expression changes and he uses the napkin to clean his mouth but he did it mindlessly for his mouth was already cleaned. That has me thinking.

“But what happens next week?”

“No, nothing.” He smirks.

I give him a look letting him know I am not buying it and he clears his throat.

“It’s just… I knew you were on holidays and I had some days off that I haven’t taken because of my addiction to work” he jokes “so I thought in order to show you that we are making progress and also to spend some time together, I could take some days off next week and… We could do something. But it’s okay, you’re going to visit your dad and I should have probably told you sooner.”

My heart swoons. He used his days off for me. He might not remember what he said last night or he might even want to take it back but this is what someone who really does love spending time with me would do. The next thing I say, I say it in a frenzy, in a love rage, even before I can process it.

“Come with me.”

His green eyes set on me as he considers my invitation. I feel embarrassment flooding my cheeks and my neck.

“To Capitol?”

“Yes, have you ever been?”

“I have not.”

I could have guess it.

“So you’ve travelled all around and you’ve never been to one of the most beautiful cities in the country?”

He smirks.

“Well, I should decide whether that’s true, don’t you think?”

“So you’re coming?”

He weights his options looking at me but suddenly his expression falls into one of disbelief.

“Don’t invite me out of pity, Blue.”

I frown and my eyes narrow. Is that really what he thinks of me?

“I didn’t invite you out of pity. I invited you because I want to spend those days with you. I’m so happy you finally decided to get holidays like the rest of people and the fact that you wanna spend them with me only makes my heart flutter so are you coming?”

My confession makes him smile again and I smile foolishly back at him. The way his dimple forms on his left cheek even before his teeth are shown sweetens my mood and my blood.

“Are you sure?”

I nod.

“What are you gonna tell your dad?”

“The truth. I don’t lie.”

He hums as he tilts his neck and raises an eyebrow, calling my statement into question and I shake my head weirdly amused.

“I got a train ticket for Wednesday morning, do I get another one? Or do I cancel mine and you drive us? It’s a little less than 4 hours away.”

He’s going to say yes, I can tell, I can see it on his face; how is eyes have a sparkle about them and his smile reaches them. He’s loving this. His expressions always give him away. He’s an opened book.

“I don’t mind. We can drive.”

We both grin.

We decide to spend the morning together before I go have lunch with my mum. I might invite him to that as well. Mum might get jealous if she knows Harry’s gonna be spending a few days at dad’s and she only got a dinner. Harry’s on his closest, picking his clothes for the day I guess when I call my dad.

“Hey, dad.”

“Hey, Berry. What’s up?”

“Hi, I was just calling to ask you… Would you mind if I bring someone along on Wednesday?”

“Not at all, honey. Is Jason coming back?”

“No, it’s not Jason.”

“Ollie then? Marie?”

“No, it’s a… It’s a guy.”

“Oh!” I shake my head at how thrilled my dad sounds and the way Harry looks at my with a side smirk. “A guy! That’s great, Berry. Is he a special guy?”

“Yes, dad, he is. He’s my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend.” He repeats.

“Yeah, okay, so you’re gonna pretend you didn’t figure that out after the wedding photos I sent you. You don’t go to a wedding with just anyone, dad.”

As Harry makes his way to the bathroom, he walks past me and slaps my ass cheek loud enough so that my dad can hear it and I jump.

“What was that, honey?”

“Uh… It was just… Uh… My notes. That fell. On the floor. Because I’m tidying up.”

Harry looks at me and silently chuckles and I shake my head and swat his arm playfully whilst he walks to the bathroom.

“Oh, okay, darling. Well, thanks for calling and don’t worry about anything, I’ll make sure everything’s ready. Why don’t you text me what food he likes so I keep that in mind when doing the groceries?”

“Well, he’s not picky, dad. I think he’d eat anything.”

“Good then I’ll cook my special rice. I can’t wait to see you!”

“Me neither.” I chuckle. “Bye, dad, love you.”

“Bye, Berry, love you too.”

While Harry’s in the shower, I pick up my clothes from last night and kept them on my overnight bag and make his bed. I try not to think about how crazy we both are. Last night he told me he loved me and this morning I found out that Hampstead is a girl and he acted like he didn’t say anything last night and interrogated me and then I invited him along to my dad’s. In Capitol. Where I met Dylan.

I think I’m going to faint.

I go on The Golden Girls group chat searching for counselling.

Indie: Are you guys awake????

Jason: Yes, everything okay?

Ollie: Awake and ready to listen.

I guess Marie’s busy. Well, these two would do.

Indie: Hampstead is a girl.

Jason: Who the fuck is Hampstead?

Ollie: She’s an anaesthesiologist who works with Mario and Harry.

Indie: Has Mario ever mentioned her to you?

Ollie: I don’t know. I guess he might have.

Jason: What happened with her???

Indie: I know this is bad guys

Indie: But this morning when I woke up she had texted Harry

Indie: And I didn’t purposefully read his texts but they just pop on his lock screen and I couldn’t help it

Indie: I mean I read them unintentionally

Jason: Just stop excusing yourself and tell us what happened

Indie: She invited him to a concert tonight

Indie: And she said “last week was fun!”

Ollie: Wasn’t Harry on that congress thing?

Jason: Shit

Ollie: Stop it. Don’t listen to JJ, he’s a jealous freak.

Ollie’s typing… And I try not to freak out at Jason’s assumption. She is right. Jason is the jealous type. That’s why I need Ollie’s point of view.

Ollie: I mean they work together. Probably they just went to the congress together too. It’s normal.

Jason: Yeah but why the fuck would she text him that it was fun on a Saturday morning? Like days after? She clearly was trying to initiate a conversation.

Ollie: Who cares about her intentions?

Indie: The thing is Harry’s never mentioned her to me

Indie: And he always picks up her calls even when she calls at like 11 pm on a Friday or worse like on AM on Saturday morning like what the fuck?

Indie: And we have even fought over her calls and he’s picked up.

Ollie’s typing… Jason’s typing…

Jason: I just searched her on Facebook. You’re prettier.

I smile at his attempt.

Ollie: Talk to him.

It’s Ollie’s words that have me thinking. Talk to him. So she thinks there’s something to talk about. And Ollie’s laidback and she is not one bit jealous but she also found it weird. Shit.

Harry’s phone rings and my eyes inevitably search the screen. It’s from the hospital.

“Baby!” Harry yells from the bathroom. “Can you see who’s calling?”

“It’s from the hospital.” I let him know.

“Fuck” the shower stops “can you pick up and tell them to hold on a sec?”

“Sure.”

I pick up the call and bring his phone to my ear.

“Hi, Harry will be with you in a second. He asked me to tell you to please hold on.”

“Uh…” A female voice answers. “Excuse me, who are you?”

“I’m…” I cover the microphone with my hand and talk to Harry “she asked me who I am.”

“Well, tell her.” He laughs. “Who is she?”

“I’m his girlfriend. He asks who are you?”

“His girlfriend?” She sounds surprised. “Oh, I… I didn’t know he…”

“He’s here.” I cut her short.

Harry is smiling when he brings the phone to his ear.

“Hi, sorry, I was in the shower.” He listens. “Oh, hi, Hampstead. What’s up?” He listens.

So Hampstead. What a surprise! And she didn’t know he had a girlfriend, of course.

“Uh… I think that was Danny. I didn’t work yesterday so I am not sure. You should probably ask him. I think he’s on call so send a message to his pager.” He nods as if Hampstead could see him. “Yeah, no problem. Bye, Hampstead. Have a nice day.”

I scroll senseless shit on Twitter so I don’t snap at him. I need to calm down. I need to control this fucking oppressive feeling on my chest but my mind is racing.

Why did he not tell me about her? I think they must be friends or at least friendly if she thinks it’s okay to call him when he’s off duty, especially when freaking professor Gibbins is on call and is the one signing that patients’ paperwork. And he even gives explanations on why he doesn’t pick up on the first tone when he’s off duty. I was in the shower… What do you care?

And why did he not tell her about me? I mean, even Jason could tell her intentions with a single text. I’m guessing it’s a lot more obvious on a day to day basis… And Harry didn’t catch up with that? Why did he never just casually mention he had a girlfriend? He doesn’t even have to tell her about me, just about the roll. Just to have her know that there’s someone sleeping in his bed already.

We haven’t talked much on our stroll along the park behind his apartment. It’s a nice park, with lots of green and trees and wide white stones path for people to stroll like us, or go for a run or walk the dogs. We’ve past some families too. Dads and Mums playing with their children on the grass and I’ve seen Harry staring at them with a hard expression.

I don’t know what’s going on through his mind but he seems to be as pensive as I am. Maybe he’s thinking about Hampstead too.

“Uh, I did tell doctor Hampstead I’m your girlfriend” I say out of the blue “just so you know.”

He tilts his neck to look at me with a confused expression.

“You did?”

“Yeah.” I frown too. “I mean I did tell you she asked me who I was and you said to tell her.”

“Yeah, no, I know what I said.”

I hum and look away.

“Wait, is that what you’ve been thinking about?”

I look at him.

“Is it not what you’ve been thinking about?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Hampstead called in the morning, she had a doubt about a patient I couldn’t answer and then I hang up. That’s all the thought I’ve given it.” He chuckles.

“She could have called Professor Gibbins… Specially if he was on call… And still she called you.”

Harry frowns as if he wasn’t following me. I sigh.

“She sounded surprised when I let her know I was your girlfriend.”

“Are you serious?” His tone sounds surprised at the realization.

Calm down, Indie. Don’t talk to him in a way you’ll regret, don’t talk in a way you’ll regret. I count to tent in my head. 1, 2, 3, 4…

“Are you jealous?”

I take a deep breath. 1, 2, 3, 4…

“Blue, talk to me.”

“I’m counting to ten.”

“Are you really that mad?”

“I’m not mad.” I stop him right there. “I just feel stupid.”

“Why?”

“Because”

I’m about to tell him last night he said he loved me and… For a second I thought it was true because I love him too but then… This fucking whole Hampstead thing, I just… I am embarrassed that I am more invested in this than he is and I don’t want him to know that.

“Listen, you just never mentioned her despite all the times you’ve talked to me about work and she calls you at very weird times to be work related and… I mean she’s… Pretty.”

“How do you know that?”

He’s not denying it. Sometimes his sincerity is too much. I guess it would have raged me if he had denied it but knowing he thinks she’s pretty doesn’t help my jealous fit.

“That’s what matters? Of everything I said.”

“It kind of does.” He tilts his neck.

“I saw her.” I lie. “On Facebook.” I decide not to.

“When?”

“This morning.” Later on, I will analyse this and realize I’m getting defensive but for now all I feel is my shoulders tensing up and my honour being harmed. “And I saw a picture of you two together having a drink on Tuesday night when you were supposed to be on that congress.”

“Supposed to be?” His eyebrows raised on his forehead. “Excuse me but can I not have a drink with whoever the fuck I want?”

“Yes, of course, that’s not what I’m saying!”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying you’ve kept this from me for no reason. I mean why didn’t you tell me?”

“So you think just because I didn’t tell you that means I- what? Cheated on you?”

I don’t answer him and his lips part.

“I can’t believe you.” He sighs. “The only reason I didn’t tell her about you is the same reason why I don’t tell anyone at work about you and it’s because you don’t want me to.”

My mouth shuts and my lips purse on a thin line.

“She’s a colleague, just like any other person working with me and I haven’t told you about her because well, there’s not much to tell. She’s just a first year Anaesthesia resident and she’s a bit lost likewise I was when I was a first-year resident and likewise you will be when you are on your first year of residency. So I remember what it was like to be scared, not to know what to do and… She reminded me of you and… That’s why I help her.”

My brain is working a mile per hour and it’s hard for me to catch any thought with how fast they just pass and go.

“So what you’re saying is I have no reason to be jealous.”

“Of course, you don’t.”

“Okay, then why didn’t you tell me that she invited you to a Kings of Leon’s concert tonight?”

Every sign of frustration is removed from his expression and instead he looks at me stern but expressionless or at least I don’t know how to read this.

“You read my texts?”

I shut my eyes.

“I didn’t purposefully read them, they just pop in your screen and don’t give me that because we both know you’ve stuck your nose on my texts before.”

“I have never gone through your phone.”

“Oh, no, I know, I wouldn’t be here if you had.”

“But you get to do it?”

“I didn’t! I didn’t even pick it up! It was just there! And it popped, I couldn’t.. I mean I had just woken up, I truly read them without thinking, I would never purposefully go through your phone.”

“Okay, okay” His hands move in the air to stop my rambling. I think he believes me. “And the fact that I don’t even have my messages hidden, doesn’t make you think that I have nothing to hide? I mean I could have them and, by the way, that would be perfectly legit and wouldn’t even mean anything but you’re saying it- they were right there. It’s not a secret.”

“Then why are you not going?” I challenge him. “Kings of Leon are awesome.”

“Would you like it if I went?” He challenges me back.

“This is not about what I want, what I want doesn’t matter here. This is about you. If she’s just a friend and I have no reason to be jealous, then why won’t you go?”

He takes a deep breath and rest his hand on his hip. Now it’s him who’s counting to ten.

“She is just someone I work with to me but-” He raises his eyebrows before he unlashes the beast “I am not an idiot and… I don’t want to give her the wrong impression.”

“Was it that hard to acknowledge that?” I ask him.

“Was it that hard for you not to assume the worst of me without even talking to me? You always do this, Blue. I mean I already knew you thought I was a junkie but now also a cheater?”

Wow, that was low. So he’s going to through that at my face. I already apologized and he knows how terrible I feel about that and now he’s using that against me? I feel a lump on my throat and try to swallow it so I can speak.

“I… You know how much I regret that.”

“Yeah, well, maybe other than regretting it you should stop doing it. Why can’t you just trust me?”

I frown and look down at his feet.

“Last night” I start “you… and I…”

“I knew you would do this.” He cuts me halfway. “I knew that you were going to pick a fight because you got scared last night but… I’m tired of you using me as your punching-ball, Blue. You unleash all your frustrations on me and I thought I could take it, you know, but… I don’t want to… I’m tired of waiting for you.”

“Waiting for what?”

His words hurt me. Deeply. But I try my best to hold my tears at bay. I don’t want him to see me crying, especially because I don’t want him to stay if he doesn’t want to but he just confirmed every fear I’ve had lately. I am toxic. I am bad for him. I am hurting him and he doesn’t want me.

“For you to open up and let me in and trust me but you don’t and… It hurts, Blue… Uh… I think it’s best if we take a little break…”

“No, Harry! I- I’m sorry.”

I wipe my tears as I keep trying not to cry but this is happening. He’s finally doing what he has to do and yet I don’t want him to. I knew this would happen but I thought… I was trying very hard to let him in.

“Please, don’t cry.” He sighs. “This is how you fix everything. You hurt me and then you cry and I forgive you and when I scare you, you do it again but I… Maybe I’m asking too much of you, I’m not saying this is all your fault. I just thought I didn’t need you to feel the same way I did, I thought I could just… Maybe you’re not ready and… I think you have to work on some things before you are.”

“Harry, please… I… I…” My eyes search his and I can tell then that he is indeed waiting, like he said he was and it’s out of respect that I don’t say it.

“What? You what?”

I know what he wants to hear. He’s been wanting to hear it since this morning. He remembers what he said last night, he was just looking for my reciprocation, but I won’t do this to him. I won’t tell him I love him because I’m afraid of losing him.

“I think you’re right.”

I see the air leaving his chest and I feel a punch on my throat when I see the pain in his eyes. If this is what he wants, then why does he not look happy? Oh, right, it’s because I am that toxic to him. I am no good for him but he doesn’t want to let me go because I have become that toxic person that gives him just enough for him to stick around but not what he deserves.

He wants all from me. He told me last night, but I can’t give it to him. I just can’t. Jason’s words swirl around inside my mind and laugh at me. D’you think any other person would have stick around long enough…? He doesn’t deserve this and I love him, I do. But that’s why I’m letting him go.

I don’t even remember how the goodbye was or when he left or if I was the one who did but after crying my eyes out like a dramatic widow sitting on one of the benches of the park, I manage to get my phone out to ask for the girls.

Coco: Dad told me Harry is going with you to Capitol this week so I’m going too :)

How can something happen so suddenly? He was happy to be going to my dad’s this morning and two hours later he just breaks up with me?

The Golden Girls group chat has also been active.

Marie: Let us know when you talk to him!

Ollie: How did it go?

Jason: Bet they’re fucking.

Marie: Jason!

Indie: Can we meet?

Jason��s calling me.

“Fuck, Indie, where are you? I’ll pick you up.”

“We broke up.” I cry.

“Fuck. Send me your location.”

I do and I wait. This reminds me of that time I picked him up in the middle of nowhere after David Dick abandoned him like a dog. Only this time, I’m the bad guy.

I am terrible person and I don’t know what else to do. Maybe I am destined to be alone and maybe that’s not a bad thing. After all, the whole problem was falling in love because then I will be leaving Dylan behind and I know people don’t understand but people haven’t lost the love of their lives. It’s not a fucking easy thing.

But still, Harry doesn’t deserve that I unleash all my frustrations on him like he said I do because he’s right, I do that. I do that all the time and I treat him like shit because I don’t want him to treat me as someone I’m not. I don’t want him to think I’m this lovely person who deserves to be loved because I’m not. I’m the girl who let her boyfriend died.

That’s yet another thing people don’t understand. But Dylan was begging for help. That’s why he kept smoking and that’s why he had thrown his entire life away. It was his way of letting us know he wasn’t okay and instead of supporting him or loving him I just… I kept fighting him and telling him he needed to stop and… I wasn’t what he needed me to be. I failed him. And then he died. And I will never live past that.

The emergency lights of Jason’s car attract my attention and I get on the car and rest my head on the back of the passenger seat. He drives to the girls’ apartment and we make our way inside in silence.

The girls are sitting on the couch with a worried expression on their faces.

“It’s not what you think.” I start. “It had nothing to do with her.”

“Then what the fuck happened?” Ollie frowns.

So I tell them. I tell them about my confrontation and I tell them what he said and I tell them I agree and Jason says then you didn’t break up and I just look into his eyes because we both know that’s not true.

“But what did you tell him?” Marie asks. “I mean when he said all those things about you not being ready and all that? What did you say?”

I shake my head.

“Nothing.”

“Why?”

“Because I think he’s right.”

“He’s not.” Olivia frowns.

I can tell she is angry. No, she’s furious. I’m not used to this reaction from her. Usually, she’s the one who keeps calm and manages to calm us down. Marie is the one who gets mad, she’s the protective one. So to see Ollie like this is new to me.

“He’s fucking not.” She almost yells. “I mean are you kidding me? He knows what happened to you! He knows and he still didn’t tell you he had had an accident himself! And he chose not to tell you that sometimes he smokes weed when he knew that’s why Dylan died.”

Jason’s mouth opens but he doesn’t have time to say anything for Olivia’s palm rests in the air before him as a sign of stop.

“I don’t think it takes a detective to imagine that Indie might have some issues with weed.” She says through clenched teeth. “And you still listened to him and you forgave him and he fucking decided to still break up with you and now you get jealous, once, and he throws all that at you? I seriously can’t believe him! He’s turning you into this monster and you’re believing it and you’re not!”

I frown concern and surprised when she starts crying. Marie’s hand rests on her shoulder as we all remain silent and she just wipes her tears away.

“No, this is not about me.” She sniffs. “It’s just… I’m tired of seeing you like this, Indie. I’m tired of having you thinking everything is your responsibility and I think you’ve had enough! Fuck! And I’m mad because… You… You lost your fucking boyfriend and you would think he would understand some shit is fucking hard for you and instead here I have my friend crying in my house because this fucking selfish idiot made her feel as if she was some cruel person… You’re not.”

Olivia rests her back against the cushions of the couch and takes a deep breath. She sobs a little more and I find myself pouting as I stare at her.

“When Jack left me for Dulce, you were there for me. When my parents got a divorce, you were there for me. When my brother had the accident, you were there for me.” Her voice croaks again. “And every time Marie’s been sad, you’ve just left everything to come be with her and when David dumped Jason in the fucking highway, who did he call?”

Now I’m crying too and so is Marie.

“So no, I won’t have the best person I know thinking she’s a monster.”

I hug her and we both cry and only when we’ve calmed down, I call my Mum and tell her I’m having lunch with the girls. I promise her tea and biscuits. Selfishly needing some Mum-daughter time too.

After lunch, Ollie falls asleep on the couch halfway through the movie and when it ends, I catch Jason staring at her with a tender smile on his lips.

“She’s fierce, that one.” He whispers.

“Thank God she didn’t have Harry at hands’ reach.” Marie adds.

I giggle softly.

“I know, I wasn’t expecting that.”

Jason’s eyes set on mine and I know he’s trying to read my mind. I let him.

“I think they’re both right.” Jason whispers.

I frown.

“She doesn’t know what we talked about just yesterday.” He reasons. “Maybe if she knew, she wouldn’t have been so hard on him.”

“What did you talk about yesterday?”

“I… I told Jason I felt terrible for the way I treated Harry sometimes. I know it’s just self-destructive shit. I hate doing it but I do and I’ve ended up hurting him. I mean he was right about that pattern he figured out. I do get scare and then push him away and then I regret it so he forgives me and we start all over again.”

“Do you really think you’re bad for him?” Marie whispers.

I look ahead. I think yes. We’ve fought a lot of times. Love is not supposed to be so hard. I think that’s the idea that’s been passed through generations because of Wuthering Heights or Pride and Prejudice but I don’t think that’s what love is. Love should be like loving a brother or a mother. It shouldn’t hurt, it shouldn’t bring more pain than happiness.

“Adam says he thinks you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to Harry.” She tells me. “He says he hasn’t seen Harry this happy since before the accident and that he can see the old Harry coming back. When he said that, I thought the same thing was true for you. I can see you, really, fully happy sometimes. So, as much as I was against you two at the beginning, I cannot agree with you on this.”

“We had a fight at your beach house. There I accused him of being an addict and he said he was an addict, but not to weed.” I nod my head. “Now, if this was some sort of toxic love movie, I would be thrilled that he said that but I’m not. I don’t want him to be addicted to me because addictions are not healthy.”

“I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean it like that.” Jason says.

“He did.” I assure him. “We fight too much.”

“You’re a girl who lost her boyfriend and who thinks she doesn’t deserve to fall in love again and he’s a guy who thinks he ruins his sister’s life and put her on a wheelchair so he also thinks he doesn’t deserve love. Why do you think you fight?”

“See? We’re not good for one another.”

“I beg to differ.”

“So if you don’t want that, what do you want?” Marie asks.

“I just want him to be happy.” I shrug. “He’s genuinely good and I don’t want to hurt him.”

Both Jason and Marie smile but I frown.

“He turns you into such a softie. You really like him.” Marie smiles.

“Of course, I do.”

She smiles.

“He told me he loved me last night.” I confess and both my friends grin and get closer to me. “This morning I thought he didn’t even remember but he just thought that it was going to scare me so he didn’t mention it. He did give me a lot of opportunities to tell him myself so I guess he was just finding out if I felt the same.”

“Well, do you?” Marie asks.

“What does it matter now? He doesn’t want me.”

“There’s no way he loves you on Friday night and doesn’t want you on Saturday morning. That’s not how love works.”

I shrug.

“It’s not the same, you can love someone and still don’t want them.”

“You’re head over heels in love with him like a bitch.” Jason states as if he had just realized that.

I sigh.

I don’t deny it.

Yes, I am.

I am head over heels in love with Harry.

#harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles blurb #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagines #harry styles fluff #harry styles and reader #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles #harry styles new

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ravs6709 · 3 years

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These Feelings Inside (How Deep Do They Go)

Chapter 2- A Broken Heart

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Woo, chapter 2 of the fic for the @kotlc2021collab! Fun fact, like all of this chapter was supposed to happen in the first one, but I got carried away with the prologue (which I do like)

Anyways, this is a mermaid (siren) au, so its about time we meet a siren. I've mentioned last time that this was inspired by Siren's Lament. I didn't use those lyrics as the siren song, and instead made my own (with very loose inspiration from SL's version)

And uh... I did record myself singing it, and made a post for it. If you want to listen to it, you can go here! (I'll put a link at the end too)

Warnings I guess? Uh, Sophie goes through a whole panic section at the end. And then the siren lures her and it's indirectly said that she falls off a cliff/whatever and into the water and starts drifting off. Idk how to label that but yeah

Anyways, enjoy!

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Sometimes, I'm still surprised you keep them," Biana said, gesturing to the various flowers that were in the corner of Sophie's room. "I mean, if you ever want him to look at you differently, you're going to have to make a move. You know that, right?"

Even without saying a name, Sophie knew that she was referring to Fitz. It took a long time until she'd admitted the crush to Biana, who had already known. She always liked keeping the flowers that Fitz gave her, and would keep them for as long as possible. They might not be what she wanted, but she still appreciated the fact that he even gifted the flowers to her in the first place.

"It's not like I've kept them all," Sophie pointed out.

She ignored the fact that the ones that she had thrown away were too old to be kept.

Unfortunately, Biana knew that. "If they didn't wilt so easily, you'd be keeping them all. But you ignored my question. You know that you'll have to make a move, right?"

"Biana, he gave me a yellow rose first. He's the one who made his feelings clear first. What am I supposed to say? Oh yeah, I've had a crush on you for like eight years now, and I never mentioned it before because you've been giving me signs that you clearly see me as a friend? Is that what you want me to tell him?"

Biana shrugged. "When you say it like that…"

"Even if saying that did work, it's not like I'd be able to actually say it. My brain just runs non-stop but then the moment I make eye contact everything just stops."

"Sophie, when has he not been understanding of you?"

That was true. A lot of people didn't take the effort to try and understand Sophie, but Fitz did. The way he was so respectful- despite the fact that it should have been basic decency- was one of the numerous reasons why Sophie loved him.

"I know he'll be understanding, but that's just going to make things even more awkward."

"I guess. Should we go down now?"

"Sure."

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Oh, Fitz, you're here! What are you doing?" Sophie asked.

While he did come over often, he was usually busy on Thursdays, which was why Sophie was surprised to see him.

"I'm free this time, so I figured that I'd drop by," he explained.

She liked that he was around for the visit. Working at the shop wasn't boring, but it was more entertaining when she had someone to pass the time with.

He walked closer to her, and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Also," he whispered. "I'm making sure that plans for tonight go well."

She glanced at Biana for a moment, who was on her phone. Sophie whispered back. "Your house or mine? I think yours would probably be better."

"What's the movie for tonight? That movie Biana said that she wanted to watch?"

"That's the plan."

"I don't get why you two always get secretive about the birthday movie night," Biana said.

Both Sophie and Fitz spun towards her, and it turned out that she still wasn't looking up from her phone.

"We've been doing this for years ."

"It's the birthday spirit we're trying to achieve, and you know that!" Fitz defended.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

•~•~•~•~•~•

The couches at Everglen were really comfortable. It was even more comfortable to be sitting with her friends. The birthday person was often the one who sat in the center, and Sophie smiled as Biana wrapped an arm around her. Occasionally Dex would join them, but he wasn't available this time.

The movie was playing, but they were only somewhat paying attention to what was going on. Sophie paid more attention to the clock, which showed 11:58 p.m. Just two minutes away from midnight, or Biana's birthday. She counted down the seconds, until it was finally time.

"Happy birthday!" she cheered.

"Happy birthday!" Fitz repeated.

"Thanks, both of you."

•~•~•~•~•~•

"You'll be fine, right?" Sophie asked.

"Sophie, it's just one day," Edaline said, exasperated. "You don't have to feel bad about taking a day off."

"Tell us how the game goes!" Grady added.

Biana's university team had managed to make it to the finals for volleyball, so Sophie and Fitz planned to go support her. But it also meant that neither of them would be at the shop.

"You'll text me if you need help though, right?"

"Yes, we'll text you. You can leave, it looks like Fitz is waiting for you." Edaline pointed to the entrance, where Fitz was indeed standing.

"Bye mom, bye dad!" she said, before kissing them both on the cheek.

Fitz took her hand as they walked to the car. She concentrated so hard on trying to stop herself from blushing that she didn't realize when they stopped walking.

She'd been pining after Fitz for around eight years, and her feelings had gotten easier to work with. Most of the time, at least. But during the times like this, those feelings that she suppressed would fight to be released. He was casually affectionate, which was great (sometimes she found it hard to initiate the contact, no matter how much she wanted it), but it constantly did things to her heart.

Each time it happened, she had to remind herself that no , he wasn't flirting with her or acting out of romantic interest. That was just how he was.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts, let go of his hand, then went in the car. It was silent on the way there, but she needed that silence in order to prepare herself. She took out her headphones once they were almost there.

"Sophie?" Fitz called out.

She responded with a hum.

"You know how it is. If it gets too loud, squeeze my arm."

She hummed again.

Then they arrived, and made their way to the seats. Biana was brilliant on the court, and she seemed to be doing even better than usual. By the end of the game, the cheering got loud, but not bad enough that it hurt. Biana's team had won by a decent amount.

"Congrats, Biana!" Fitz cheered once it was over and they met up.

"It feels unbelievable, because that was the finals? I can't believe we just won!"

"I knew you could do it," Sophie stated.

"I mean yeah, but the other uni was also really good! Guess it wasn't their day, huh?"

"It was definitely your day though," Fitz replied.

•~•~•~•~•~•

"I hate the fact that horns exist," Fitz groaned.

"What, so you like being hit by blue shells?" Sophie asked.

"Obviously not! But I like hitting you with them!"

"If you're able to get blue shells, it's clear that you aren't good at the game!"

It was game night again, and they were playing the newest version of Mario Kart, a game that was nostalgic to them. They were sitting in Sophie's room this time. Biana wasn't there, as she was busy studying with Dex.

"Look, if you aren't second place all the CPUs are there and you aren't safe," he retorted.

"Then just don't be third place? It's not that hard?"

Somehow, he managed to actually do that, and was quickly approaching her kart. It was the end of the final lap, and he passed her. But she got a red shell, shot him right before the finish line, then won first place.

"Excuse me?" he shouted. "Why do you get the red shells?"

She turned towards him with a smirk, only to be startled by the proximity. All she could see were those teal eyes, and the snarky reply she had planned to make was now forgotten. His eyes were wide, and he seemed to barely be breathing. It felt like time had frozen.

Could she take the risk and close the gap between them?

Should I?

Before she could make up her mind, he turned away, and he even moved slightly further away.

He's keeping his distance…

The realization was a hard blow to her, because that wasn't something he had ever done before. Was he that bothered by it?

"I thought you were good at the game," Fitz teased.

But unless Sophie was imagining it, his tone wasn't as lighthearted as it usually was. She tried to channel the frustration and use it to focus on the game, but she was doing worse. Ninth place. She hadn't scored so low in a while.

"Looks like that was the last game," he pointed out. "I'll head home now."

"Bye, Fitz."

She winced at her voice, because she was doing a terrible job at pretending that she was okay. Once she was sure that he left, she buried her face in her hands and just sat there. What was going on? Was Fitz mad at her? That would be the only reason why he would distance himself like that.

But why? Did she do something wrong? If she knew, she'd try and set things right. But what was she supposed to do?

Even though her room was large, she felt restricted. Too small, too hot, too suffocating. She couldn't breathe.

Her actions after that were a blur. She'd grabbed a sweater and went outside. She walked aimlessly along a path. The area seemed vaguely familiar, but she couldn't tell where she was.

The wind was cool against her face, the only thing that kept her remotely aware of her surroundings. There may have even been rain too.

Breathe. You need to breathe .

The voice sounded strangely like Fitz's, and it reminded her of when she had a panic attack and Fitz was there to help her. But he wasn't here this time. Was he going to start avoiding her? What about Biana? Did she have a problem with her too? W-

There was a hum, loud and melodic. She looked around for the source.

'Oh you, with that broken heart.'

"Who's there?"

'You, whose life's falling apart.'

Almost as if against her will, her mind replayed the moment of Fitz turning away from her. The rain fell harder, making it harder to see anything except her own imagination.

'Have you come here to the sea,

To drown in your memories?'

If Fitz and Biana were going to distance themselves, what was she going to do? Ten years worth of memories, were they just going to be tossed aside?

'The weight of them is too strong,

Crushing you, it's all so wrong.'

Different memories kept emerging. Her first meeting with Biana. Her first meeting with Fitz. Exchanging flowers with Fitz. Weren't the worst memories the ones that started off good? They were the ones that had you soaring, until you're being dragged towards the ground.

'May the waves wash all the tears,

That you've gathered through the years.'

Sophie knew that she could show her emotions around her friends, but she hated doing it. She had a tendency to suppress her sadness and tears and right now felt like a good time to just let it out.

Very distantly, she could feel herself walking towards the source of the singing.

'But what if there was a way,

To make the pain go away?'

Was that a thing? She hated doubting her friends, it hurt so much. But if she could just not worry, wouldn't that be better? Wouldn't that ease so much of her pain?

'To leave behind your sorrows,

Enter a new tomorrow.'

If tomorrow could come and ease away all of her pain, shouldn't she take that chance? Her foot caught against the ground, and now she was tumbling forward, and fell into the water.

'I have an offer for you,

You can start your life anew.'

The fall was by no means something that snapped her out of her daze, but Sophie found herself slightly more aware. Starting your life anew? Did she want that? Did she want to leave behind the people she loved?

Wasn't that what she worried Fitz was doing? Throwing their love away?

Sophie thought of the memories that they'd shared. It hurt, but they were the best memories that Sophie had. Would it ever be worth it to throw away all those good times just to abandon a potentially bad one?

I want my life , she told herself. I'm happiest with them. But… it's hard.

'You can escape the abyss.'

The voice was so much louder now, and she tried to move away, but her body wouldn't move.

'All I ask is for one kiss.'

She couldn't see, and she could vaguely feel a pair of lips press against her own. She was just drifting, in both her thoughts and the sea. She kept drifting until she could no longer feel anything.

•~•~•~•~•~•

You can find the song here!

Kotlc taglist- @keefeinnit @impostertamsong @my-swan-song @subrosasteath

Want to be added/removed from the taglist? Just let me know!

#sophie foster #fitz vacker #biana vacker #sokeefitz (eventually)#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc fanfiction #fanfiction #ravi writes a thing #these feelings inside (how deep do they go)

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bisluthq · 3 years

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this is like really random but i have to vent. so basically i’m 20 years old and in my second-year at a uk university. and like i had the worst first-year of my life, made no friends, and got long covid plus really bad depression so yeah it wasn’t great. and now im back at uni i just am really feeling my lack of experience. iv never even properly kissed anyone let alone had sex and all the drinking games etc revolve around sex. i’m pretty sure i’m bi just like based on what i masturbate to but i’v only ever looked at guys as potential relationships. i just like don’t know how to navigate the social world with no friends and no sexual experience, it just feels impossible. and all my friends from home (1 of which is at uni with me) have boyfriends or at least have had sex. and also clubbing feels totally revolved around sex and kissing. it’s really hard to admit to people that i’m a virgin because people assume i’m a prude or a weirdo when i’m not i just haven’t really had the opportunity. i’m just feeling like such a loser atm. oh aaaand i actually really want a boyfriend rn.

Firstly, this is totally normal and nothing to be ashamed of. There’s no timeline for these things.

Secondly, so this is going to be a long winded Agony AuNat but sometimes I think my best ones are. In a way, this reminds me of a friend I had like 20-21 at uni. Basically we became friends because I caught her forum role playing and I was like “lmaoooo I used to do that too!” and we like bonded over it and like very quickly I began realizing that she did it on the kinds of sites me and my online friends laughed at because they weren’t ⚡️aesthetic⚡️ or sexy. Like this was some high fantasy bullshit lol - no offense also cool - on like ProBoards when we were already in the Jcink era. Anyway no biggie. This girl - a horse girl at 20 still and not in the rich bitch way - proceeded to like… idolize me and obvi y’all know how much I like attention so I loved it. And one night she asked me for advice on how to get kissed because she had been like… really wanting to lose her virginity but things just weren’t happening. I proceeded to give the worst advice ever because I too was just a young un. I said “don’t worry it’s gonna happen for you!!! Like I’m sure your crush likes you!! Don’t stress you’re so pretty and sweet!” And I believed I was saying the right stuff and it comforted her ngl so I was like 👏🏻👏🏻 go Nat you’re the best at giving advice.

Except here’s the problem - it still wasn’t happening. She was going to parties with me and I was like dressing her sluttier like some weird teen romcom movie where I was giving her a makeover and like… no one was biting.

And then - for those who remember the Nat Cinematic Universe - it turned out that rando from my 21st who I randomly fucked? Ya dudes that was her crush lol and she hadn’t told me because she thought I’d figure it out lol and she was mad at me and we sorta stayed friends until I fucked that guy’s friend which was nbd to anyone involved because my bestie fucked him and tbh I fancied the friend because he was this average sized weedy dark haired boy who was very weird looking and she exploded at me and called me a slut and shit and that was that, friendship over.

Unsure what happened next, but the reason I’ve given you this backstory is from my current POV I gave extremely bad advice so I’m gonna try correct with you tonight.

Unless you’re in high school when friends of friends can go between people and say you have a crush, and then you text them and like bam you’re exclusive, you have to work to get ass or make friends. Okay the other exception is if you’re like SUPER hot idk about that life, but tbh probs even then. Life isn’t a teen movie, and you’re not gonna just catch someone’s eye and that’ll be that. Dressing nicely might be part of it, doing your hair and makeup in whatever style you want, and making it clear up front - especially at uni when imo branding™️ matters a lot - what your interests are and such shit all factor in. I’m not saying change who you are because again that’s supremely bad advice: figure out who you are. Figure out what you want to wear (experiment!), who you want to talk to (strike up convos on campus!), what you like doing (try things out!) and - most importantly - what you’re comfortable with. Try drinking - and if you don’t like it, don’t do it. Try flirting - and if you don’t like it, know that you can go from friends to this and not everyone enjoys that. Try clubbing - and if you don’t like it, know that there are a ton of societies you can join on campus and campus events you can go to that don’t revolve around that, so seek those out and find your tribe.

Fundamentally, college is what you make of it.

Which means that like unfortunately my dude, you’ll make a fool of yourself. Probably more than once.

But know that friends won’t manifest and boys won’t manifest unless you make an effort and put yourself out there. Ask people to coffee. Ask people to the pub. Girls, boys, enbies, whoever.

Re the anxiety about “never having done this before” - I think that’s totally normal. But also like lots of other people haven’t and everyone has had a first time. In drinking games you can lie lol. You don’t need to advertise it’s your first time for anything if you’re uncomfortable with it. I didn’t tell my first kiss he was my first kiss lol because it was unnecessary info for him tbh (it wasn’t hs boyfriend even tho I’m pretty sure I was his lol but he was my third 😌).

But you also don’t need to be shy about it because honestly 2nd year uni is so fucking young. It’s not like you’re coming to me as a 40 year old virgin and asking for advice (again no timeline but I’m not there yet so maybe not the right person to give it). Most of the people you’re hanging out with haven’t had a ton of sexual experience either lmao. On my 20th birthday I had been with exactly two people, my Angel boyfriend (in hindsight) hs ex and the Rabbi’s son (literally no one’s Angel boyfriend but hopefully he and his tiny dick are married now and Mazels if so) who I fucked a few days after we broke up to prove a point. I was a bad lay (and remain so with guys unless they’re into The Hiddles Experience, not for lack of opportunities, but because we don’t have to master all things). I also - unlike you - had never masturbated. I’d never had an orgasm. I liked sex with hs ex but couldn’t explain what I liked or why, it was just fun sometimes and other times it wasn’t. (In hindsight with clit action it was fun and with pure thrusting it wasn’t). So the fact that you have wanked already gives you a head start over many of the girls guys will be meeting.

So like… figure out what’s comfortable for you. Try different things out. Walk away when you don’t like it. Never do stuff that goes against your values. Don’t be overly shy in ways that wind up making you uncomfortable, like with the story that started this, and don’t expect these things to happen if you make no effort. That applies to friendships and ass alike. And sometimes what you think will be ass will turn into friendships and sometimes what you think will be friendship will turn into more. Let it. That’s what uni’s for.

Final point: try reduce the pressure of having a boyfriend. It’s fine if it happens, but since as you say you’re not a prude, it’s fine if it doesn’t. It will eventually. Try go into encounters with the open mindedness of “this could be ass, this could be friendship, this could be more” and like clear eyes full hearts can’t lose tbh.

Final final point: join societies. Join all the societies. The best way to both get ass and make friends and make friends discussing the ass you’re getting is by joining societies.

Good luck, hope this helped, love you lots and enjoy this year and the next (and beyond if you choose Honours or postgrad).

#agony aunat

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goutheswimqueen · 3 years

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thoughts on free! s3? what do you think went wrong/right/what you wish it would’ve went etc

I could quite literally go on FOREVER about season 3 and y’know what you asked for it so I’m just gonna ramble until I feel good about it lmao.

Now first I have to say that I wholeheartedly love season 3 with the deepest passion in my bones. I genuinely didn’t think that we were ever going to GET a season 3 in the first place, so the fact that it exists is just... so meaningful to me as someone whose favorite franchise is Free! and someone whose life was saved by these dumbass swimmers.

I will say that season 3 isn’t what I wanted from it. I wanted it to be centered on Nagisa, Rei, Gou, Sousuke, Ai, and Momo. I love Haru with my entire being but I really really REALLY wanted to see a series centered on the Iwatobi trio. They’re so underrated and I felt like they were lowkey sidelined in Eternal Summer so I wanted to see them shine and grow together in their third year. But of course Kyoani has just been setting them aside more and more as time has gone on so I feel like that was nothing but a hopeless dream lmao. I have a lot of headcanons and AUs about what went on with everyone who was still in Iwatobi while the rest of the gang was in Tokyo. The little bits that Kyoani gave us of them were beautiful, I will admit. Episode 11 is my FAVORITE episode of season 3. The fact that Rei WON A NATIONAL RACE??? Like, come on. I wish we could’ve seen the work that he put in to even be able to do that in the first place. That moment where he ponders what he’ll be doing after high school really gets to me too because I would love to know what the fuck he and the others are gonna do. I wish we could’ve seen the moments in their third year that led to whatever decisions they will make. I wanted to see the Iwatobi trio go through the absolute wringer together lmao. I wanted angst I wanted to see their journey that led them to where they are now. I wanted to see more of them growing with the new trio too. I wanted to learn more about Gou and Sousuke’s past through their interactions in her third year. If the season was longer I feel like they could’ve had it be half the Iwatobi arc and half the Tokyo arc, y’know what I mean?

Nonetheless, I love season 3 for what it was. I’m so beyond happy that they brought in Asahi, Ikuya, Natsuya, and Nao, you have no idea. The High Speed! characters hold such a special place in my heart. I wish Asahi would’ve had more of an arc/character development though, and I wish Nao was more included. I think Natsuya’s character arc was my favorite of the whole season. Seeing the trash traveling man that he had become and his interactions with Rin and Sousuke really stuck with me for some reason. And that line that he had when he was talking to Ikuya and fucking crying like, “a dream to fight for my strength and pride, plain and simple.” That shit fucked me up bro. We all meme about Natsuya a lot but I feel like there’s a lot of deeper shit there that’s yet to be explored. When we met Ryuuji I was genuinely convinced that he was Ikuya and Natsuya’s father because it would explain a lot about Natsuya’s behavior. A trash dad who wasn’t really there for his family and just kinda fucked off to travel the world training swimmers until he found one that met his expectations? That would’ve added so much to Natsuya and Ikuya’s background stories and their character arcs. Like can you imagine? Natsuya not initially going into professional swimming because the fact that his father LEFT to find a swimmer to train instead of training his own damn son because he didn’t see that potential in him??? Natsuya being inspired by Ikuya to work hard to prove their father wrong??????? Nao punching Ryuuji square in the nose the moment he sees him???????????? A fucking gold mine that Kyoani could’ve dove into, but no he’s related to Shizuru lmao.

I could go on forever about Natsuya in season 3 cuz I just really, really loved his arc but I’m gonna keep rolling haha. Hiyori was probably the most unexpected thing from season 3 and I just... love him so much. Like his absolute snakey behavior gave me the same chills that that scene of Sousuke pushing Haru against a vending machine in episode 2 of Eternal Summer gave me. I LOVE that shit. The Free! antagonists just keep getting bitchier and bitchier lmao. I also relate to Hiyori on a deeper level. I too have been selfishly protective of my best friends in a way that... really just wasn’t the way to go. Like jeez Hiyori I understand how you feel but maybe let them talk to Ikuya at least once??? Chill with the possessiveness? Idk I know Hiyori is the source of a lot of discourse lol, but that’s just how I feel because of my own similar experiences with myself and others who’ve acted in a similar way. I do wish his beef at the other boys wasn’t solved by just fuckin... swimming with Haru lmfaoooooo. Like I wish they just would’ve added more to his conversation with Ikuya when he asked him to join the relay with him.

I was quite satisfied with Rin’s arc in season 3. It just like, made perfect sense to me I guess lmao. I know he wasn’t there much but I don’t know what else they could or should have done with him, if that makes sense. The fact that his coach is Ai’s uncle is just the best thing ever too lmao.

I was also very happy with Haru’s arc actually!! Seeing how much he has grown makes me feel like a proud mom. Ya boi is tired of the bullshit and the miscommunication haha. Of course I’ll always wish he didn’t go into pro swimming but alas, gotta deal with it I guess. I love his dynamic with Ryuuji and the way that he has dealt with pro swimming though. And his decision to go into the individual medley absolutely made me lose my mind. I didn’t know I needed to see him swim the other strokes until it happened and I just, I loved that so muchhh.

I alsooooo enjoyed Ikuya’s arc. Seeing someone from your past again like that can 100% have that effect on you. I just kinda wish we understood more about like, why he just randomly faints while swimming sometimes? I feel like they didn’t solidly explain it? Cuz I don’t think it was always from overworking himself. Idk maybe I’m just a dumbass and remembering incorrectly.

Kisumi deserved better. YOU CAN’T TELL ME THIS BOY DOESN’T HAVE UNDERLYING ANGST THAT KYOANI HASN’T DELVED INTO. He gave us that line of “We’ll never make friends like the ones we had back then” and then him worrying about whether or not there was anything he could do to help with the Ikuya situation. This boy feels left out and you can’t tell me otherwise and it is 100% because of the fact that he’s not a swimmer. Someone give this boy a basketball team that he can experience that kind of bond with PLEASE. I AM BEGGING ON MY KNEES!!!

Makoto also deserved better. Like, okay, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved his arc with the kids and Nao and all that. I love his new dream. BUT!!! Kyoani has yet to go into depth with his insecurities with Haru. I’m still not over that damn dream he had on that bus. All we got in season 3 was Makoto’s aNGSTY looks when it came to his relationship with Haru lmao. GIVE MAKOTO A BIGGER ROLE AND A BIGGER ARC DAMMIT. He’s one of the most popular characters I’m surprised his angst hasn’t been touched on more. This dumbass just needs to stop holding things in i SWEAR TO GAWD.

I thought the inclusion of Albert was kinda weird, dunno what the point of him is aside from making Haru shake in his bones. Kinjou is definitely interesting. He scares me lmao, but I am here for that. Give us an antagonist who is just absolutely unhinged at this point LMAO. I have some headcanons about him too but I feel like the new movie coming up is going to crush my dreams soooo yeah.

Isuzu is a goddess. I’m so happy she’s finally here and she has a name and a FACE. We learned that the Mikoshiba bros had a sister before we even knew that Momo existed lmao (Sei mentioned her in a drama cd from season 1). I almost thought they were never going to give her to us but she’s here and she’s beautiful and she’s everything that I wanted her to be. I’m so happy she thinks Gou is cute and that GOU LIKES HER and I just ugh yes thank you so much Kyoani I never expected that we’d actually get this but I’m so happy we have it. I hope she goes to Hidaka Uni and gets to race Haru like she wanted haha. And I’m so happy we got to see her swim! Our first in-anime female swimmer with a name. I love her.

Speaking of FEMALE SWIMMERS. Sighhhhhh.... My biggest disappointment. Aki Yazaki. Where is she? We deserve her!! I promise we do!! She was SUCH an important character in the High Speed! novels and kyoani decided that she just doesn’t exist anymore lmao (biggest reason why I’m not the biggest fan of the Starting Days movie). At this point I’ve lost hope that she’ll ever be included in the anime, and it makes me so sad. I love her so much and there’s so much potential for an amazing beautiful story arc with her if she reunited with the boys. I don’t think we’re going to get a season 4, (the new movie is scaring me making me think it’s the end of the series with the way it’s been advertised...) but if we DID get one I imagine it beginning with Haru walking through a snowy day, huddling close to himself to shelter from the cold, when he passes by a tall figure and catches a glimpse of familiar caramel hair with a loose little braid peeking out from behind one ear and a large scarf that has gotten quite messed up over years of wear and tear, a memory clicks in his mind like a light switch and he stops in his tracks to turn around and let a long forgotten name slip from his lips: “Yazaki Aki?” ... cue opening sequence. LIKE WOULDN’T THAT BE SO AMAZING???????? I WOULD FUCKING SHIT MYSELF OKAY YOU DON’T UNDERSTANDDDD. Aki is one of my favorite characters I’m so mad she wasn’t in season 3. I’m also mad that Satomi Nii wasn’t there either like!!! She would make a great trio with Ikuya and Hiyori that’s all I’m sayinggggg. I would probably start crying if either of them showed up at some point like genuinely I would just be a mess sobbing on the floor. ALSO I FEEL LIKE GOU AND ISUZU WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM LIKE PLS GIVE ME THE GIRLS THAT WE DESERVE!!!

The art style of season 3 was pretty good. The only thing that bothered me about it was how fucking WIDE the characters’ shoulders were sometimes. Especially with the big bois like Makoto and Sousuke. Like please god no stop that. I’m always gonna miss the art style from season 1 tho, the crazy expressions n shit that were there were just too GOOD lmao. I feel like in season 3 they kind of attempted to bring that back but it just wasn’t executed the same and done to the same extent. R.I.P. the comedy from season 1, it will be forever missed.

I love the opening and ending themes, always. So fucking good. I’m so happy all the characters were included in the end theme animation sequence. I’ll never get over Gou and her BEAUTY.

ANYWAYS. Those are my thoughts in the general sense. Idk if I forgot anything because I have so many thoughts that’re all unorganized haha. If anyone wants me to talk in more detail about anything specific I am soooooo down! Thank you for sending in this ask, talking about this show makes me happy hehe.

#asks #haowls #dttf #dive to the future #season 3

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edgythought · 4 years

Text

Strangers in the Bar I

Part II | Part III

Alex Turner x OC (I guess??)

Description: Two lonely people observe each other in a bar. It leads to something nice. Word count: 2,294

Warning: swearing, alcohol consumption, smoking.

A/N: It is not my first fanfic, but the first one I post here. Hope y'all enjoy and leave me some comments! This was written in April-May 2019, when I was strongly fascinated with Alex, but I can't say I thought about him while writing, so it's not really a fanfiction piece. Anyway, it's up to you to decide how to interpret this. I would love to receive feedback! Thank you for reading :)

Part I

Sunny Los Angeles in the middle of spring was an oasis of happiness, just as I thought it would be, no disappointment here. A whirlwind of events brought me here somehow and I am not mad at all. I always thought I am a New York kinda girl, strolling through the parks and skyscrapers, sipping my shit-load-of-spice latte, day (and night-) dreaming. You know, all the Great Gatsby vibes as well, but I am not into loud sounds unless I am at some concert dancing my lower back off.

My friends, who live in LA, gave a nice tour of the city and at the end of the day I am finding myself totally drained physically at the bar in the middle of nowhere (LA area). We had some cocktails with lads and even danced to a couple of extra popular Dua Lipa’s songs and a numerous amount of hispanic hits. It was great. Gals were tired, just as I was, so they went home, assuring me my hotel is 10 blocks away and an Uber would be totally affordable. Not that I am poor or something, but I always was cautious with money and my friends know I might come off as a cheapskate from time to time. So I felt fine to stay a little bit more and contemplate the infamous LA nightlife with my own eyes. Even if it’s only one bar of hundreds and not even the fanciest one.

It was over an hour since my friends left me and I was on my third Brandy Alexander when a strange man caught my attention. Moonage Daydream by a genius Bowie was playing extra loudly and he was moving his hips and lip-syncing so theatrically I couldn’t force myself to stop watching him. He was so into the music he never actually noticed he was looked at by everyone in the bar. A bartender who I cracked a couple of jokes with had a little smile on his face watching the dude and I asked “What? You like him?”. The reply I got shook me to the core: “Everyone likes him, although he is not very talkative. Nothing wrong with a dude fancying to dance a little, right?”. I turned a bit to acquire a better view on the dance floor; (the bartender’s remark made me actually watch the guy enjoying himself). He looked stunning, to be honest, but also weird, in a positive way. Long, slightly curly hair was always in his eyes, so he had to shake his head pretty often. White shirt, half-unbuttoned, gold chain, a couple of rings. He looked like a high (-profile) rockstar. (Exactly what I expected to see, but haven’t yet) His pants were really tight, though…

He was definitely interesting to pay attention to, but the song ended and I found myself staring a little too hard at the dude, so I thought it would be nice to chill a bit outside. I waved at the bartender that I will go out, took my glass and strolled through the crowd to the exit. Californian twilight was full of smells and sounds, with people chattering, cars beeping, birds singing their mysterious tunes, everything coming together with the smell of warm concrete, cigarettes and different spirits. I lit my cigarette and took a deep breath, watching the sky change colours from light bubblegum pink to pastel turquoise and dark blue, with some stars peeking through a light dim of clouds on my right. There was something about it that made me feel lighter a bit, free from the burdens of my everyday life. The contrast of the sky and dark silhouettes of trees and buildings reminded me I am not actually alone. I took another deep breath, inhaling the smoke, and hold it for a couple of seconds. I exhaled and watched the smoke twirl in front of my face. It always fascinated me how such a deadly thing can also be so beautiful. Just like love. I brushed those thoughts off of my mind, that’s not a way to have a good time. Actually, I was quite in the mood to show off some moves on the dance floor if the music fits. I am not really into hispanic tunes, just not my cup of tea. I threw away the butt and finished my drink in one go. I have nothing to lose, right?…

As I returned to the bar, I looked for the dancing dude in the crowd but he was nowhere to be found. Sad, I thought to myself, we could have had a really nice mute dance together. Anyway, I needed another drink to become a part of the dancing people, so I went straight to the bar. “Mind pouring me another one, darling?”, I asked my bartender as he was washing some shakers and spoons. “I don’t mind at all, what do you want?” - “The dancing juice you gave that guy in a very tight jeans” - “Gotcha, sweetheart” he chuckled and strolled away to the small freezer at the back. My heart was heavy and my breath trembled a bit. It’s always like that when I know I am about to do some stupid shit and then regret it the morning after. Even though I knew, I never stopped myself from doing it because it’s fun, right? At this point I just wanted to lift off the weight of my life off my shoulders and have fun, whatever it means, really.

The Bartender (why I never asked for his name? He looks like Josh to me…) came back with several bottles in his hands. “Hey, I guessed you want to dance, so I decided to help you not only by getting you drunk” - “Yeah? What are you going to do?” - “I already did, next song is for you”, he smiled and winked at me. I laughed and turned around to check if the dancing guy appeared, while I wait for the Bartender to fuel me with whatever he mixed. After torturous couple of seconds I saw the dude come out the restroom, hand running through his hair in a desperate attempt to make it not stick to his sweaty forehead. I wanted him present when I dance because I felt something while watching him being bonkers on the dance floor and it gave me some confidence to try it myself. He proceeded through the crowd to the bar and gestured the Bartender to come over. As I already was sipping on my “dancing juice” I started to feel the urge to do something, not to stay on my stool and right then I heard a starting riff of the song the Bartender put on for me. I knew the song, I used to listen to it a lot when I was younger, during my first year at Uni. Oh so many memories, so many parties… I sip the drink once more and put it a little too hard on the bar, then take off my jacket and leave on the stool I was occupying. The riffs were becoming louder and the dancing dude was smiling. What was he smiling at?

I was already on the dance floor, waving my head like a heroin-infused Mick Jagger look-alike.

Stop making the eyes at me I’ll stop making my eyes at you

I catch myself looking right at the dancing dude, like I am talking to him. His eyes widened and he raised his eyebrows a bit, surprised with attention.

And what it is that surprises me Is that I don't really want you to

I winked at him and turned around to stroll through a sheer dancing crowd a little further from him and closer to my stuff I left unattended. (I shouldn’t have to worry though, the Bartender was looking after it for me)

And your shoulders are frozen (cold as the night) Oh but you're an explosion (you're dynamite)

I shuddered as if I was actually cold and looked at him again, lip-syncing "you're an explosion" right at him. He started laughing and cheered me with his drink. The Bartender leaned over to tell him something, like they were long-time friends and I was surprised but not in the mood to waste my time thinking about that, it's not my business. So I continued with my crazy moves and weird poses.

Your name isn't Rio, but I don't care for sand Lighting the fuse might result in a bang, with a bang-go!

I felt him watching me with my back but I just didn't want to please him by looking at him. What a man, I thought, but what am I doing? The music was so encouraging to remember all the crazy shit that it was a soundtrack for, I managed to stick my worries to the back of my head and actually enjoy myself for the first time in long months.

I bet that you look good on the dance floor I don't know if your looking for romance or I don't know what you're looking for I said I bet that you look good on the dance floor Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984 From 1984!

Now, I told myself and turned around to watch the dancing dude talk to the Bartender. I actually thought they were talking about me because the Bartender kept his eyes on me all the time the dude was telling him something. When he finished speaking, he glanced at me and I used the moment to sing "I bet that you look good on the dance floor" to him from afar. I was sure he saw it. I smiled, continuing moving my hips to the sound of music and trying to impersonate a robot from 1984. I knew he was watching me despite the very much dim lighting of the bar, coming from neon signs and candles on the tables mostly. The only light place was the bar itself, so I could see the dude, while he couldn't see much of me. But I know he saw, I was pretty close to the bar anyway.

I wish you'd stop ignoring me Because you're sending me to despair Without a sound yeah you're calling me And I don't think it's very fair That your shoulders are frozen (cold as the night) Oh but you're an explosion (you're dynamite) Your name isn't Rio, but I don't care for sand Lighting the fuse might result in a bang, with a bang-go!

I came right up to him, singing the words to him, wanting to catch his attention and drag him to the dance floor with me. I didn't care if he wants it or not, he better come with me. The dude was really impressed and started laughing, but I took his hand in mine and pulled a bit for him to get up. He threw a quick glance at the Bartender, who nodded and laughed at us. The dude gave up and followed me. We somehow appeared to be at the very center, dancing and jumping like crazy. We sang the entire chorus at the top of our lungs, pointing at each other and dancing like robots. He did it hilariously and I couldn't stop laughing.

Oh there ain't no love no, Montagues or Capulets Just banging tunes 'n' DJ sets 'n' Dirty dancefloors and dreams of naughtiness!

He played his imaginary guitar and banged his head like he was actually playing the song at some gig and I was pretty taken aback how rockstar-ish he looked at that moment. He sang "dreams of naughtiness" way out of the range and was looking at me while I was imitating thrusts with my hips and we fell to our knees laughing right after.

When the song ended we were absolutely out of breath, but both of us smiled widely. As we proceeded to the bar, a slow song started playing. The dude stopped for a moment, bit his lip and offered me his hand.

Do you know what it feels like to dance alone? Do you know what it feels like?

I looked at him with zero understanding what's going on but placed my had in his open palm. He dragged me gently back to the dance floor.

His hand was on my waist and it felt very comfortable. At the moment I felt like we know each other for eternity, not less, and I still didn't know his name. He organically moved us both, whispering the lyrics in my ear, spinning me around, holding my hand, looking me in the eyes. He smelled like a very expensive cologne, cigarettes and a bit of healthy sweat - an unforgettable combination to be embraced in.

When the lights are turned too low for me In the dark I feel you close to me You're the one that I want to see

At this point we were barely moving, my hands around his neck, his hands on my waist; we just looked each other in the eyes, trying to find something we're missing… The song was just about to end when we both rushed forward a bit and split our dancing hug awkwardly. We proceeded to the bar and I finished my cocktail looking for an explanation to what happened. I closed my eyes, capturing those moments we shared with that strange man in my mind. Finally, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes to catch a look from the Bartender. In a slight haze, I turned around searching for the dancing dude, but he vanished without a trace, although he was right by my side a minute ago. Disappointed, I asked for a receipt, paid and went straight out.

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faofinn · 4 years

Text

Stitches - Whumptober Day 9 (Alt. 4)

@whumptober2020

Sheila had warned Fao, again and again to behave, to not be stupid. And yet, somehow, they’d ended up in A&E. Again. She often wondered if Fao was actually the more mature one, if the ten year age gap between the two brothers meant anything, or if the two of them were just as mad as each other.

Then again, if the amount of times she’d ended up there with her husband were anything to go against, they were all daft. They were all daft and she was stuck in the middle of them all, trying to control the chaos. With a sigh, she wrapped her arm around Fao.

“Are you warm enough?”

It had at least been a genuine fuck up this time. Of all the times he'd ended up in A&E from something that he ought to know better for, at least this time had just been a mistake. He'd been trying to put his laundry away, and the cat had gotten under his feet (he was perpetually hungry and in need of attention). He'd tripped and smacked himself on his bedside table on the way down. Now he was bleeding with a pounding headache and a blooming black eye. And he had placement next week.

“‘m fine. Just bored.”

"Are you sure? You've only got a hoodie on."

“It's not even cold.”

"You're not exactly the best judge of it right now."

“Irish blood. Don't get cold.”

She huffed. "Irish blood my arse. There won't be much left of it in you, it's all over the bloody carpet."

“There wasn't that much. Seen more.”

"Yeah, normally from you."

He groaned. “It’s the cat's fault.”

"It's always the cat's fault."

“Wouldn't have tripped if he hadn't been begging for food.” Fao grumbled, leaning against her. “This headache is killing me.”

"You wouldn't have tripped if you'd been watching where you were going." She told him gently, no heat behind her words. "I'm sure it won't be too much longer now."

“Am I still bleedin’?”

She hummed, pulling away to look at him. "It's coming through the bandage a bit.”

He wrinkled his nose. “Typical.”

"Tell me about it." She pulled him closer. "You and your brother...take after each other in too many ways."

“Finn takes after Fred.”

"You're all as bad as each other."

“Mm. Finn wins though.”

"Only because of his big accident." She murmured. "And if we're not counting yours before you came to us."

“That doesn't count. Wasn't an accident.”

"No. And if I ever met him, that wouldn't be an accident either."

“Don't want you in prison.”

"They wouldn't catch me. Be too fast for them."

“Still.” Fao insisted. They called him through then, and he swayed as he got to his feet.

"Hey, hey." Sheila wrapped her arm tighter around his waist. "Careful. No more falling over."

“Was just a tiny bit dizzy.” He protested.

"Sit then. I'll get a wheelchair."

“No. It's fine, gone now. I can walk.”

She gripped tighter. "You're having one on the way back."

“Nah, I'm fine.”

"We'll see what they say. Fred and I have bets on whether you'll need stitches this time."

“Rude.”

"Maybe if you'd stop falling over the cat, we wouldn't have to."

“Maybe the cat should stop tripping me up. Should have stayed in my flat.” He grumbled, though he soon made it through and sat down somewhat heavily.

"Fao, hi again. What have you been up to this time?"

Fao glanced down at his lap. “Tripped over the cat, cut myself on the table.”

"It's always your cat, isn't it? Wasn't your brother in with a cat related injury last week?"

“Probably.”

"You just hit your head? Or did you hurt somewhere else too?"

“My arm feels a little bruised but nothing broken.”

"We'll have a look at that to be on the safe side. Can I check your head? How are you feeling?"

“Tired.” Fao said, but nodded. “A little dizzy? A lot dizzy. And I have a headache.”

He nodded. “A lot dizzy? You must have hit your head pretty hard. Did you knock yourself out?”

“Maybe?”

“Any pain along here?”

Fao winced. “Yeah.”

“Sorry kid.” He murmured. “I’m gonna have to take this lovely bandage off and have a proper look, yeah?”

“Go for it.”

“Was it mum who put this on? She did a great job.” He laughed quietly. “I guess she’s had a lot of practice with you.”

“We've got her well trained.”

"I bet." He smiled, finishing his examination. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're going to need some stitches there."

“I figured as much.”

"I swear he's going for stitches on every body part." Sheila muttered, reaching for Fao's hand.

“‘M not that bad.” Fao protested.

"He is." She replied with a gentle squeeze.

"I'm sure most teenage boys are the same, always getting into scrapes."

“I’m 21.” He grumbled.

"University student though. All the same."

“I'm still blaming the cat.”

"I'm sure it was."

He sighed. “I've got placement next week. I'm going to look a state.”

"Oh, placement? What are you doing?"

“I'm a third year medic.”

"You'll know all about this, then."

“Yeah.”

"We'll give you it and you can stitch yourself up, eh?"

Fao snorted. “Think I'll leave you to it.”

"He'd stitch the wrong side of his head." Sheila teased gently.

"We'd best do it then. You can do the next one." He laughed. "I'll just get the numbing stuff sorted and then we'll crack on, yeah?"

“Sure. Where do you want me? I don’t know what’s easiest for you…”

"We'll get you on the bed and make sure you're comfortable. There'll be a few sharp scratches which won't be too comfortable, but it means that we'll be able to do the stitches nice and easily."

Fao shrugged. “Whatever’s easiest.”

"We need you to be as comfortable as possible."

“Okay.” He said, awkwardly getting to his feet.

"You alright? You're not going to faint on me, are you?"

“I, uh…” Fao swayed, reaching out panickedly for Sheila.

She grabbed his hoodie, slipping her other arm under his. "Yeah, don't count on it."

"All right. Why don't we sit back down? We don't want to cause any more damage."

“‘m fine.”

"We can make it to the bed." Sheila muttered, trying to help Fao. "At least then we won't have to get up again."

The bed wasn't far, and Fao felt somewhat better now he could lean on Sheila. He sat down heavily, gripping the edge of the bed tightly.

“You alright, kid?”

“Yeah.” Fao breathed after a minute, now the dizziness had subsided. “Yeah, ‘m fine.” He settled back on the bed slowly, glancing at Sheila.

“Really?” Sheila asked softly, moving to hold his hand in hers.

“Just stood up too fast, got a bit dizzy. I’m alright now.”

“That’s been happening a lot lately.”

“Because I smacked my head into a table.”

She rolled her eyes. “Not just today. You used to do it when you lived with us.”

Fao shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It is when you pass out.” She shook her head. “You know that.”

“Yeah, but I don’t always pass out. I think my blood pressure is just low. No big deal.”

“You need to make a doctors appointment.”

“Alright, Fao. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Fao said, closing his eyes.

Sheila tightened her grip on his hand, turning away. She wasn’t going to watch it if she could help it.

“Okay, sharp scratch then, Fao. Try and stay as still as possible for me.”

Fao hummed, breathing slowly as he waited for the sting of the needle.

He was quick and deft with the needle, numbing the area. “You’re doing really well.”

It stung, and Fao’s jaw clenched, but he didn’t move. He knew better than to move. He exhaled slowly once it was done, still not daring to open his eyes.

“There we go, just give that a few minutes to work.”

“Sure, yeah.”

“How are you feeling? Dizzy? Sick?”

“No worse than before.”

“That’s good. Keep breathing.”

“Yeah, I plan on it.”

He laughed. "Always good to do that."

“Yeah, I do my best.”

"Alrighty. Can you feel me touching along here?"

“No.”

"Great. We're gonna get started then. You grab your mum's hand, eh? Try not to break it though."

"You better not." Sheila laughed weakly. "Quite like that hand."

Fao took Sheila’s hand, squeezing gently. He wasn’t particularly bothered by the stitches, but it was nice to have a little bit of comfort.

"Try and stay as still as possible, okay? If you need to stop, just raise your hand."

Fao hummed, not wanting to move to talk. He was happy to stay still as they stitched, staring up at the ceiling.

"You're doing really well, Fao. We're nearly done."

Sheila didn't raise her head but offered Fao a small smile. "Nearly done and we can get out of here."

He hummed again, squeezed her hand in response. It wasn't painful, but it was fairly uncomfortable. His teeth bothered his bottom lip, just wanting it to be over.

"Normally when I'd try and bribe Finn to behave with a treat, but I don't think we should be encouraging this with positive reinforcement." She tried to joke. "Sure we could make an exception though."

Fao shot her a dirty look, a crooked smile on his lips. He couldn't really protest, but his look was bad enough.

"What do you think?" She tried to distract him.

“I'll be happy with a cup of tea on the sofa.” He said quietly.

“You know Finn won’t let you get away with just that.”

“I'll be smothered.”

“When aren’t you?”

“When ‘m at uni.”

She smiled sadly. "He still sleeps in your bed."

“I miss him.” Fao murmured. “I don’t like leaving him.”

A few moments later, the doctor pulled back. “Okay Fao, we are all done.”

Fao sighed. “Thanks.”

“How are you feeling?”

He shrugged. “Just want to go home.”

They let him home a little later, with some concussion advice and instructions to come back if things got worse. He was tired and his head was still pounding, he was just desperate to get home and curl up on the sofa.

#whumptober2020 #whumptober day nine #no. 9 #stitches #whump prompt #whump writing #hospital #a&e #Faolan Blackwood #Sheila Daniels #The cat causes more issues #concussion #almost fainting #brothers in more than arms #Finn Daniels #(vaguely mentioned being cute lol)

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