https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/748370073567313920/i-think-for-me-one-of-the-big-stumbling-blocks-i

People in the replies are jumping to a lot of really obnoxious conclusions about anon that really just ultimately illustrate anon’s point.

There’s all this stuff that is *assuming* anon is pro censorship when they never say anything like that (and in fact, i thought they suggested the opposite). They’re talking about how sex positivity and anti-anti attitudes get weaponized or misused in some fandom spaces to make people feel like it’s wrong for them to be squeamish and want to *personally* avoid men who are really vocal about their love of lolicon and slavery isekai, because guys who are that vocal about it have in their experience, tended to have that reflect real world attitudes.

I think it’s good to point out that plenty of people like these things privately and you’ll never know, and it’s the being super vocal about it around uninterested people that’s the red flag here. But people just assuming that anon holds every attitude they associate with some stereotypical anti, and that their message indicates some thinking to BE CAREFUL! about… really just proves their point that a lot of people have a bad tendency to only see this in terms of how things work in their particular corner of fandom, and don’t recognize how what can mean one thing in one, primarily female and queer space, doesn’t necessarily translate well to a space with a lot of entitled cis dudes. Assuming that personal discomfort with certain kinds of fiction automatically translates into being pro censorship (what) when that person said nothing else to indicate that, is one such assumption.

(Also one person was trying to suggest it was racist of anon to “single out hentai”… maybe the reason they mentioned hentai is because they’re *specifically* talking about anime fandom?!?)

Idk, it doesn’t help proshippers if we can’t see anything except via the narrow lens of pro vs anti fights on Tumblr and AO3, be able to advocate our positions. We are aware of how fandom blinders can blinker people in the opposite direction—antis who don’t recognize that rhetoric that they think is just all about shipping is also used by right wing activists to advocate banning books and drag shows—but it’s true in both directions.

Being uncomfortable with a lot of “sex positivity” rhetoric because you’ve mostly seen it used to tell you you’re wrong to be uncomfortable with dudes who are super outspoken and pushy about their porn habits is a really common experience for lefty women IME, both outside of fandom and in fandom spaces with more cis dudes. Most women I’ve met like that are vocally anti censorship, it’s about being able to take charge of their personal boundaries and not have them shamed. Proshippers pushing them away by loading more unhelpful and inaccurate judgments on them aren’t helping them and are just shrinking their movement, making it more likely it’ll be dismissed as just “very online fandom drama” (and if you’re that clueless, are they wrong, really?)

Also it’s just helpful to better understand why some people might find your enemies’ arguments more initially compelling than they should be.

--

"Sexual liberation means sex with me specifically" was a plague in the 70s from what I hear, and I'm sure it has been a thing forever.

i’m tired. why can’t i consume things normally. or at least consume them abnormally but in the way that other people consume them abnormally and not in this weird isolating way where i feel the need to overexplain myself whenever i talk about the thing i’m consuming so people understand me and my thought process

My sucess story

Trigger Warning: Abusive, homophobia, mentions of suicide

Hey there, Maya! I just had to take a moment and express my appreciation for all the fantastic posts you put out. I can now confirm, without a shadow of a doubt, that shifting is real, manifesting is real, and so is the void. Our desires and ambitions aren't in vain.

I've been part of the shifting community since 2020 when it exploded on TikTok. It might not matter much, but as a gay man, I rarely saw other guys in the community (though Reddit and Amino have a more diverse crowd). I've always felt more comfortable in women-centric spaces because they tend to be less judgmental.

I never saw success stories from guys, especially the kind I wanted to see - like waking up in a new world, not just manifesting money or a girlfriend (or boyfriend in my case >.<). I've always been spiritual and interested in witchcraft, voodoo, deities, and now manifesting and shifting. But it felt like nothing would let me shift.

Growing up with homophobic and physically abusive parents, struggling with poverty, depression, homelessness, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and more, I began to feel like you could only manifest and shift if your life was okay. I didn't have the luxury of time or safety to practice methods, constantly dealing with noise, verbal abuse, or physical violence.

Then, I read this post

https://www.reddit.com/r/shiftingrealities/comments/14v4lw3/how_to_shift_the_next_time_you_go_to_sleep/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

It led me to your Tumblr because OP used some of your old posts and talked about the concept of the void. All searched lead to tumblr. A couple of months ago (2.5 ish) after one of the worst days of my life, I went to bed sobbing, trying to block out the noise around me, praying and crying for anything - death, shifting, a new identity...

Everything around me started to fade - it was as if I was being engulfed by a white, serene blanket of nothingness. It was completely silent, and I couldn't see or feel anything. The only thing that seemed to persist was my awareness.

Now, I've read about the void before, but mostly in the context of it being a black, empty space. So, I'm not entirely sure if what I experienced was indeed the void or something altogether different. The concept still baffles me a bit, but I'm learning and growing through these experiences.

Regardless of where I was, my heart was set on reaching my dr.I kept praying and hoping, to wake up in my DR.

I woke up in my Twitch streamer DR! I found myself in a completely unfamiliar yet perfect place. My room was equipped with a high-end PC, top-notch gaming gear, and quaint decor items. Milo, my dog, was there too. I was sharing a mansion in LA with my boyfriend and four other streamers. The house was beyond my imagination, and streaming here was a dream come true. As night fell, my friends and I explored the vibrant LA nightlife, creating lasting memories.

After a week, i can’t lie I almost forgot I had shifted here. Then, I set an intention to shift back into this reality but where I had moved out, lived with my best friend and their supportive parents, mastered shifting and manifesting, had my desired looks, and money came easily to me. And it worked!

Since then, I've been living my best boujee gay life, and I shift all the time. I even created a waiting room where I'm immortal and use it whenever I need a break. I wish I could offer better advice, but like everyone says, there isn't a key to shifting. It's different for everyone. But you can and will shift. You can manifest your dream life. You can and deserve to be happy

Oh my god, I'm so happy for you, love 💕💕. I also completely related to what you felt. I know it can seem like your circumstances are holding you back, but believe me when I say this - that couldn't be further from the truth.

It's that same resilience, and your ability to persist despite the odds, that paved the way to your dream life. There’s nothing, I mean nothing that can stop you. Not wavering, crying, or doubt. Nothing. If you want it, it’s yours.

Hi, i'm a newish bl drama watcher from thailand that just started watching thai bls. i'm a bit ashamed to say that for a long time as a gay man living here i've been avoiding bl shows like the plague cuz of both the fandom reputation and of misconception from my yaoi era which i leave far behind. i'm just want to ask how did you got into watching thai bls and what were you preconception before you got into it.

Welcome to the Tumblr side of BL fandom. I'd actually like to also hear more of your experience with yaoi and BL as a gay person growing up in Thailand if you're willing to share.

For me, I'm a Black American from the Gulf Coast (the South). I grew up in a Catholic city and spent my entire adolescence in the closet. Despite having a sense of who I was as early as 8 years old, I kept most of that to myself. Because I didn't talk about it much with people, I found out most information about queer media and queerness from the internet.

I entered BL via queer cinema. I think the first explicitly gay character that I remember from TV was Marco from Degrassi: The Next Generation. There were probably others, and definitely more subtle expressions, but when I think about the oldest gay character I remember and connect to, it's Marco. I don't like counting things like shipping Shawn and Corey on Boy Meets World or Tai and Matt on Digimon for oldest gay characters. Sailor Moon can't even count because we got a censored version of it in America.

I got access to satellite television away from observing eyes around age 16 and started watching content on Logo back when they aired gay content regularly. I watched basically whatever I could late at night. It's how I saw movies like Get Real (1998), Beautiful Thing (1996), and Bent (1997). It's also how I saw Queer as Folk (2000-2005) Noah's Arc (2005-06).

After hitting adulthood I mostly got lost in video games and standard American TV for a while, but I did basically show up to any Gay Event in TV. I appreciate that Stef and Lena from The Fosters (2013-2018) were some of the only TV lesbians to survive the horror of 2016.

I watched a bunch of movies in this time, many of which appear on the Queer Cinema Syllabus I made for a hypothetical Westerner new to BL and queer cinema, which @wen-kexing-apologist has decided to try to complete.

I got into Thai BL in 2018 accidentally. I started seeing gifsets of Kongpob telling Arthit he'll make him his wife passing around Tumblr and was basically like, "Right, what's all this then?"

I had watched a few Thai gay films, mostly notably Love of Siam (2007), Bangkok Love Story (2007), How to Win at Checkers Every Time (2015), and The Blue Hour (2015), but this was the first time I was seeing a long series made available so easily from any Asian country.

From there I got into Make It Right (2016-17) and Love Sick the series (2014). Once I realized that yaoi had moved beyond manga and a few anime adaptations, I went looking for a lot more. I basically haven't left since I started in about 2016 with SOTUS.

There's my basic entry into the genre. I don't think I was as worried about fandom and worries at the time because so much of being a fan of queer cinema was a mostly-private experience for me for so long. I didn't realize that BL fans active in the space would predominantly be women or queers figuring themselves out. It took a while to adjust to that, and also to adjust my expectations of the kinds of queer stories BL distributors were willing to fund.

That being said, I tend to agree with @absolutebl that BL has a useful role in normalization for non-queer audiences who encounter it. I like cheering BL when it does things I think work really well, and also deriding it when I think it does things that are offensive to help nudge the genre and offer my perspective as a gay man.

I like the place we're at right now where there's way too much to watch for any person with other hobbies and responsibilities because it means that people can pick and choose what's to their tastes.

More often than not, I'm probably most-invested in something airing from Japan because of my melancholy nature, but there's so much variety these days that it's okay if you don't like everything. I certainly don't!

I'm glad you joined us on Tumblr and look forward to your thoughts!

seeing feminist events and protests etc being ruined breaks my fucking heart :( like what do they think they're even accomplishing? even if they hate radfems there should be alternatives to just thrashing every feminist good deed radfems do for women in their often impoverished communities

if AT LEAST they had been working hard replacing it with their own trans-positive feminist version or whatever in the area that would've been one thing. but often they just destroy and just go aha! job well done, that'll teach those bitches. when women in those communities actually really truly need these things and all they do is ruin those resources for others and losing the movement activists that the movement badly needs. if they only knew that other activist movements that they respectfully bow down to ARE ALSO FULL OF WOMEN WHO HOLD RADFEM BELIEFS!!! and if every woman who thought that sex mattered, which is especially common with woc from outside the west or with family outside the west since they know first-hand how horrifyingly bad oppression can get for afab people, if they all had gotten called out cancelled banished from the spaces etc the movements would've failed before they even began and that would've led to SO MUCH more marginalized suffering!!!!

i truly believe that these kinds of extreme trans activists tend to be more on the privileged side outside of being afab, and use that activism as a way to prove they're not bigots like their white middle-class parents were nope they're radical and they fight the cistem and are cooler than those freaky bigoted genitals-obsessed gays and transsexuals... the same ones that fought hard for decades to earn them all the rights they currently enjoy and were oppressed on the basis of being same-sex attracted and are now being thrown out of pride events

it's also interesting with different cultures, bc for example with french instances of trans activists going batshit, the french world is much newer to the concept of gender identity than english folks, like there's SOOO many stolen english words that young french qweer activists are trying to awkwardly make a Thing in french spaces and they have the intense righteousness of trans english tumblr but the people around them are just like huh ????? bc the words and the concept of gender identity just aren't as widespread in french spaces, esp since our language is so sex-based. it makes them feel even more like martyrs and seeing the entire french world as bigoted. it makes for some wild shit in france like sex-based feminist events being trashed and cis feminists being assaulted and only english radfems hear of it and call it out, bc english trans activists don't care about news like these, it makes them all look bad and they assume it's all just elaborate fox news type shit or cis women are being dramatic again

i just think that the way trans activists are treating the feminism vs gender identity divide is really unproductive, surprisingly violent, very dangerous, and negatively impacts the afab women who need feminist events and protests etc the most. especially woc, disabled women, senior women, and other women w few resources. i'm seeing women being turned away from SHELTERS and other life-saving resources for using the words man/woman in a sex-based way or wanting only people with vaginas in trauma victim spaces for safety and healing reasons. would a homeless dude spouting the same language be turned away from a shelter or lead to activists rallying and protesting outside the shelter for daring to home him bc he's unsafe for transmasc people??? would a trans activist say nope we shouldn't give him a safe home we shouldn't give him a space in a shelter we should record him and post a video of him and shame him and laugh at him???? I REALLY DON'T THINK SO

Today I'd like to talk to you nerds about a process I like to call "yangification"

It's what happens when a skinny and traditionally attractive video game character gets adopted by the lesbians in the fandom and turned into a brick shit house.

The base example being obviously canon Yang Xiao Long vs fandom Yang Xiao Long

(art posted with permission from @midnightechoes)

A Yangfied character tends to be a female character who is implied to be physically strong, who the fandom will feel the need to correct the artist's mistake and make them absolute beefcakes.

Other symptoms of Yangification might include making the character considerably taller, depicting them as far more confident than in canon, and in general giving them big dick energy (and some times big dicks too. Goodness knows there's plenty of Xiao LONG content out there)

This will only happen if the character gets a strong female following, usually due to being super angsty in some way (see how Yangification exploded post V4), as Yangification is a side effect of both the female gaze and the female gays

Other examples of Yangification include, Captain Beidou, Dehya, Mudrock, and Hoshiguma.

(I'm not posting any fanart of those 4 because we don't steal art in this household, but please feel free to search them on tumblr if you have any doubts)

Am I saying Yangification is an issue? ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT! I'm a horny lesbian and the more brick shit house dykes there are in fandom spaces the happier I am.

I just feel like Yangification shouldn't be necessary. As gay nerds we deserve more beefy women in our works, we deserve absolute beef cakes, we deserve girls with the biggest dick energy out there. It just sucks that most of the time we have to do it ourselves.

I know shippy stuff and canon-adjacent stuff is popular and I'm certainly not dissing those. I like them too, they're a lot of fun! And AUs are great, I have so many!

But man, I wish there was more... idk, emphasis and exploration of the FFXIV lore, and those moments that have to have happened but aren't shown on screen - talked about and written about and illustrated here on tumblr.

That's usually been my favorite part of fandoms, discussing the lore with other fans in-depth and sharing theories, and seeing how everyone's characters would handle those big or quiet moments from the story itself. Exploring how a game mechanic/boss fight would feel from a story perspective, and what it would mean to the characters.

It's not entirely absent from here, but even when I make my own meta posts, even if they get lots of notes, I tend to see very little discussion added compared to what I'm used to from other fandoms. And when new patches come out, there's not a lot of deep talk about the story itself circulating. Maybe I've just been lucky in my previous spaces!

But... I want to know how the WoL and Graha bonded during the Crystal Tower raids. Did they sit around the campfire at night and talk? Did they drink and sing and laugh and argue?

What was it like, recovering from Ultima Thule? How did it feel to set out on the road again, leaving the title of Scion behind? Did they give their friends a tour of Ishgard? Did they visit Edmont? What was it like in the trenches of Ghimlyt Dark, for these characters who have never seen war before, versus the ones who have? Did the WoL help stabilize Lakeland, and tend wounded after the sin eater attacks?

I want late night study sessions with the twins, bittersweet work in the hot sun rebuilding Ala Mhigo, learning to fight on dragonback, Hraesvelgr's brood visiting Ishgard on diplomatic forways. I want snarking with Emet Selch while you help people with "side quests" in Norvrandt. I want gentle moments with Ryne on the road because if anyone understands the suffocating feeling of immense responsibility Hydaelyn and Minfilia have dropped on that child, it's the WoL.

What was it like for the WoL to fight the pirates in Sastasha? To see the women taken captive there? To see the Drowned mutilated by Leviathan's tempering? How did they handle the narrow tunnels and rickety elevators in Copperbell, and the giants angry after centuries of unjust imprisonment? Did they step in Aurum Vale's goldbile and have a shoe burnt off? Did they bring a pet korpokkur home from the Arboretum? Do they carry scars?

Do they take the manacutter out for joyrides? Did Grani recognize the color of their soul, and choose them over the tempered twist of Emet Selchs, or did Emet charge his familiar with looking after them? Have they ever been robbed in Limsa Lominsa? Did they ever buy loinfruit?

Does that goobbue sproutling grow up? The coerl kitten become a battle steed? The wolf pup a guardian? Do the sylphs play games with the WoL when they visit the Shroud? Do they carry a polished shell to remind them of their Clutchfather? Do they stop by the guild to check on the Deftarm whenever they're in Dravania?

What was it like trekking the spindly mountains of Othard, riding a Yol for the first time, seeing the endless plains of green, and the dead white of the Burn?

Do they still have nightmares about Haurchefant, or are they good dreams remembering his smile? Did he teach them to make hot chocolate? Did they stay up all night when the Scions lost their souls, waiting by the bedsides with a candle and feeling helpless?

Do they visit Amaurot, even after Emet Selch is gone? Are they still trying to remember? Did they look up at the night sky in Elpis and feel an indescribable sense of loss?

Was there ever a moment in Endwalker where they almost became a Blasphemy themselves? Did they ever answer Venat's question? Do they know that the love their friends had for them, saved them?

Hey!

I enjoy following trans guys on here because they tend to talk about masculinity in complex and interesting ways without tending to fall into MRA type pitfalls that are a lot harder to avoid in a space like Reddit. My question with that as a cis(ish) guy is always like...do you...want solidarity from cis guys on stuff like this?

Given that tumblr is kinda unique among social media spaces in that the norm is posters who are either women or queer, I don't see a lot of conversations between cis and trans guys for me to go off of as a norm. Y'all seem way more busy dealing with (what must be very tiring) discourse with women about whether being dudes automatically rounds trans men up to being oppressors.

Like, the defense I usually see mounted against that very simplistic mentality is--as you've said a fair bit and I would absolutely agree with--that patriarchal society doesn't give a fuck how you identify and short of someone who's managed to "pass" going completely stealth, there isn't even the option of being granted a very contingent male privilege. 

Building off of that response I tend to go further and say "Yeah, and I mean, even if you were a cis dude, the hurdle isn't suddenly over if you're assumed to be biologically male, broad swaths of male privilege are contingent on performing hegemonic masculinity. If you don't, won't, or can't play that role, you're just trading being viewed as a failed woman for being viewed as a failed man. And again, that's only if you're someone who can "pass" and who is willing to go stealth in the first place."

But I don't know if me saying that would be recieved as...helping? Considering me saying "yeah, dudes aren't suddenly welcomed with open arms if they have a "he/him" pin and some stubble, there are absolutely core social advantages compared to women, but there are also punishments for failing to adhere to patriarchal standards that some men will be constantly incurring" causes a knee-jerk "THATS MRA BULLSHIT" response in the average tumblr user, which you seem to have to deal with plenty even when you're just quoting bell hooks or something.

So yeah, don't know if chiming in on the experience of grappling with hegemonic masculinity is like... helpful solidarity or muddying the waters? But I figured I'd offer at least.

Oh this is a very fascinating ask because in many ways I'm inclined to say yes absolutely, it can be incredibly helpful. There are some ideas presented here I'm a little hesitant about and I think it can be situational because of that. Ultimately though it is probably more dependent on your own personal threshold for dealing with bullshit than anything else to be frank.

Like I was just saying in response to a previous ask - some of the most productive conversations I've had personally about gender were actually with an older, disabled, cis man who was my coworker. The social perception of his gender was really dependent on his age as a man in his 60's, his class as a blue collar maintenance man, and the disabilities he had due to life circumstances and his lifetime of physical labor. This was also, socially, at odds with the fact that he was a poet and an artist and a deeply emotionally aware/intelligent person - which goes against a lot of Patriarchal expectations for men. The Patriarchy doesn't really give a shit about the emotionally in touch, disabled, working class, maintenance poet because he is not an asset to maintaining system.

So I do think there is absolutely space for solidarity between trans men and cis men in that regard! There is always more that joins us than divides us. Always.

I do think, however, that it might be smart to gain more experience - of any kind - outside of online discourse before entering into specifically online conversations (though I'm also guilty of jumping into this one too sometimes I'm not gonna lie).

When I say "experience of any kind" I really mean it though. Be that life experience, academic experience, interpersonal experiences, etc. I would just start with talking to people about their lives and engaging with their lived experiences and also letting them engage with yours!

I think here in this specific conversation on Male Privilege cis men hold a dual positionality of both people impacted by the same systems and as allies. To specfically be a stronger ally is to spend a lot of time learning before speaking yourself - while also never forgetting that the learning is never "over" - in my opinion.

Like, that's expressly why I took a break from writing about gender theory for a few years to explicitly spend time just reading racial theory so I could be a better ally as a White person and understand the ways in which White Supremacy both uplifts and harms me and the social positions I hold due to my race. I'm currently spending a lot of time reading intersex theory, but not directly involving myself too much, for the same reason. It's a similar concept here but with gender and Patriarchy.

I do also want to make sure it's very clearly stated that this conversation isn't really a binary "men arguing with women and vice versa" issue - despite it often being framed that way. Many of the people who have been the harshest towards me personally have actually been other trans men and nonbinary people and less so women. At least in this particular conversation, as I've also dealt with my fair share of TERFs/Radfems but that's unrelated to the convo on trans men and male privilege.

All in all it sounds like you're on a relatively solid path though. The solidarity and allyship is nearly always appreciated - especially when offered in good faith and with the intent of growth. I'd still really, genuinely recommend taking kind of a circular path outside of online discourse into academia (institutionally or on your own!!) or ground work or something like that before coming back around into engaging with the internet directly if you're able to though! It does wonders for the brain and helps give you more space to examine potential biases in safer environments than Tumblr or Reddit imo.

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/747721307928559616/re-747330342209404928-every-time-a-discussion?source=share

I wouldn't even make this purely about oversensitivity - I've seen fic writers refuse to tag, say, breakup because they think it would be a Good Experience (tm) for fans of the ship in question to read it (because they often think it's Problematic in some brain-wormed way), or they just think their writing is so good or so "socially important" that people who would normally avoid this commonly tagged trope should have to experience it anyway, "it's good for you" etc. and then melt down when people have the predictable reaction that something that seemed to be billed as a fluffy romance was anything but, and of course, these people's social statements are never as deep and sophisticated as they think they are. These people are weirdly, often very outspoken about the need for Content Warnings in basically any other context.

Obviously, I don't want to say that anything other than major archive warnings are a requirement to tag (and I mean, even those aren't required, you can use CNTW), or that you're required to indicate a breakup will happen if it's a big spoiler or something.... but this wasn't just that, it was deliberately false advertising the fic as something it wasn't bc they thought it would be morally edifying or something for people who dislike that trope to read it.

I like fanfiction and I'm not going to say it can never be effectively used to convey Important Ideas (tm) .... but I do think if you are going to take this attitude and especially if you're over the age of 15 or so, and especially if you're then going to have a meltdown and accuse people of "harassment" for disagreeing with you when the readers are predictably not happy, you need to consider that perhaps fanfiction is not the medium for you. Maybe write original fiction instead.

I don't know why it's so hard for some to understand that people tend to be more allowing for a story not being as happy or fluffy as they expected when the story isn't about characters they're already attached to, especially when they're in a space that's often about seeking out specific outcomes that the original work didn't give them. Like I'm sorry there's often a double standard between fanfic and original fic in this way, but it exists for a way.

But also, none of these fanfic writers I've seen do this (and this sounds niche I know but I've seen it several times in different fandom) ever actually have Takes that are remotely original or startling or groundbreaking, lol, such that it's worth misleading people because they "need to hear." It's always like.... cool, I saw this take for the first time on a Tumblr post in 2017/from someone in my women's studies class in 2010, and I thought it was a bad shallow take then and still do.

Interestingly, the people who genuinely have really interesting and unusual and thought-provoking takes that they use fanfic to express feel no need to tag it inaccurately, feel no desire to force it on people who don't want to read it. Wonder why.

--

Hah. I too have seen this silly behavior many times.

The reason that transandrophobia is a real, systemic oppression is because both transphobia and misogyny are forces of systemic oppression that greatly affect the lives of transmascs. Misandry need not exist for transandrophobia to; what I call transandrophobia is the intersection of transphobia and misogyny that affects transmascs, as well as anyone perceived to be transmasc or transmasc-adjacent.

I would also argue that transandrophobia usually refers to the way that a combination of transphobia and misogyny are used to speak over transmascs, take away our autonomy, and treat us like objects who don't have opinions on everything that affects us. It's the way that some of us, usually those of us who primarily date cis women, try to be "one of the good ones." It's the way that everyone is immediately suspicious of us being incels, especially if we aren't attracted to women.

It's the way that we are constantly forced into the role of a woman: how we're expected to put up with forcefem "jokes," detransition "jokes," corrective rape "jokes," and other such "jokes." If we don't let people walk all over us, calling us feminine terms, reminding us of our place, that's toxic masculinity. We can't have any relationship to womanhood, either, or else we're creepy men invading women's spaces. But if we reject womanhood entirely, if we exist as men who only love other men; then we're basically the same as MGTOW guys! /s

The difference between us and MRAs is that MRAs are straight, white, and usually able bodied and neurotypical. Meanwhile, transmasc-centered feminists tend to be neurodivergent and/or disabled gay trans men, and there seems to be a good mix of different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds speaking up. The MRA comparison doesn't work because when MRAs don't want to take women seriously, it is from a place of misogyny and often straight privilege. Gay trans men that don't worship cis women in every way are just guys who are tired of being forced to be women. There is a big difference here.

A lot of this new discourse is very much "gay men are more likely than straight men to be misogynists because they don't even like women!" repackaged, except it's not even repackaged. You just added "trans" to the beginning of everything! I don't know why I have to explain to queer discourse Tumblr in the year 2023 that not being attracted to women when you're a man doesn't inherently contribute to misogyny and patriarchy.

Gay trans men aren't making a choice to leave the Good Pure Women's Team and join the Horrible Evil Incel Faggots. Kill the radfem in your brain that believes that queer male identity and sexuality is inherently oppressive. Kill the homophobe in your brain that believes gay men need a woman in their lives to prevent them from going off the deep end. Kill the biphobe in your brain that believes that the only moral thing for an m-spec man to do is to date a good pure woman.

Transitioning is not a calculated choice for the vast majority of transmascs. I do not owe any cis woman the rest of my life spent in emotional pain due to dysphoria in order to make her happy that I'm not one of Those People. No one owes anyone else suppression of their personal identity and desires for gender expression in order to serve someone else's political framework. If your social or political framework does not include someone's identity, that is a problem with your framework, not their identity.

Gay trans men are not predators. Putting "trans" in front of your homophobia doesn't make it less homophobic.

i feel like i do agree with most radfem stances but then some just don’t make sense to me

like stating that someone’s bf begging for sex or acting sad he isn’t getting any is akin to rape/coercion into sex? it just doesn’t sit right to me because i got assaulted and it was .. forceful, i didn’t get to decide ‘oh i feel bad for this person, guess i will just do it!’ i didn’t want to and i was forced to. i feel like the many posts about how having consensual sex you regret because you consented for bad reasons making it ‘rape’ are disrespectful towards anyone who actually got assaulted/raped.

then there’s also the thing where Tifs are treated like they are just harmless deluded girls, when most tifs are homophobic and gross- you constantly see them mocking gay men and talking about how they want to go ‘stealth’ and would be fine tricking a gay man into sex. but radfems ignore that and mostly talk about tims.

i also don’t get if most radfems are pro gay or not because i got told multiple times that women who have consensual sex with men or who got married (by their own choice) to a man and had kids with him are also somehow ‘lesbians’. it just sounds like they think lesbian = manhating bisexual with trauma. idk most radfems on here i agree with until it comes down to these 3 points.

hmmm, so I can't speak for all feminists here on tumblr, but I can just give my personal opinion on these points.

So I don't have much authority on the first point, because I've never experienced that (well, I haven't experienced it so far lmao). But I think that the problem is that we have very few words for very different experiences of sexual violence. We have "molestation", "rape", "sexual violence", "coercion", "sexual assuault", - and... well, I'm not a native speaker so I don't know all of the terms, maybe, but most of these terms are just polite descriptions of sexual violence. I think we should invent new terms to differentiate. Maybe one umbrella term like "sexual violence", and then a term for coercion with physical violence, coercion with verbal violence, coercion with manipulation, coercion with threats of taking important things away from a person, coercion from an authority figure via their authority, rape of an inebriated person... Like with violence via physical impact, where we have the terms "punch", "hit", "strike", "nudge", "slap", "beat", "smack", "thump", "pound", "smash", "slam", "hammer", "box", "bump", "spank", etc. Imagine there was just one term: "to hit". But if there was just this one term "to hit", one person would say "I was hit" when they have been bumped into, and you would say "I was hit" when you had been punched in the face. It would of course seem crazy to act as if these two experiences had been similar, but the problem is not someone appropriating someone else's terminology, but the problem is that there is just one word for violence via impact. Maybe that's the problem?

Second, I do think that there is a difference between TIMs and TIFs. 1. Men are more violent than women and there is no reason to think that this would change with transition. There are violent women, yes, but not as many as there are violent men, so violence in men is far larger problem. 2. Also, a woman who is violent against men is less likely to be able to do harm because she will be smaller on average. 3. The general attitude toward transgender people among gay men and lesbian women is very different. While lesbians and bisexual women tend to welcome straight TIMs with open arms (and get to feel the repercussions of that), gay men tend to be much more confident in excluding women from their sexuality. Almost every subreddit for gay men would be labelled as a "TERF"-subreddit if it was women behaving in the exact same way. While gay men have basically the entire internet to talk about how they hate vagina, lesbians have carved out this very little space to talk about how they hate dick. so that's why this is much more frequent, I guess 4. most people on here are lesbian and bisexual women. So I guess that venting about transbians is more common because trans gay men don't invade our spaces. If they do, that's shitty nonetheless of course.

And on the third point - well, many women get married to men they are not attracted to. So if you marry a man you don't like and you do it because of internalised homophobia, you would still be a lesbian. If you are genuinely sexually attracted to him, you would be bisexual. But I've not really seen that happening, but if it did, I'd be happy to get a link because that's of course nonsense, a person who is genuinely attracted to men is not a lesbian.

I hope this answered your questions a bit :)

Hi! Are there certain types of asks you don’t respond to, and/or do you have a huge backlog of them? I sent one in like 3 or 4 months ago and still haven’t seen it come out, so I’m just curious as to what’s going on :) (I’m sorry if you do have guidelines posted anywhere I could not find them)

There are a few topics we won't touch. As a general rule, we're not particularly interested in covering sexual violence, violence on children, child abuse, and animal abuse. That list shouldn't be much of a surprise.

Beyond that, there are a few other things we, generally, won't cover.

The most common are cases where someone wants us to write their fight scene for them. We do offer that as a Patreon perk, but it's not something we're ever likely to do for free here. Off-hand, I think we've gotten about a dozen of those asks this year. The most recent was in the last couple weeks. Now, some of these asks do get public responses, but it's usually in the form of discussing world-building, or because one of us thinks we can get something interesting out of it. The recent “water horse,” question was one of these. So was Professional Monster Removal, now that I think about it. The original ask didn't come through Tumblr, and so I decided to revise it without the prompt. Which, part of why the tone of first couple paragraphs didn't exactly match the rest of the text (if anyone noticed.)

We also can't privately audit your work. At least, not through the ask system. This does come up from time to time when someone will send a sample of their writing (this did happen twice in the last four months.) There's two issues here. One, I wouldn't, so you'd get Michi editing and she is an absolutely merciless editor. The second thing is, there isn't really a way to do that privately in Tumblr. If you did it through Patreon, it would probably be through a shared Google Doc, or via Discord, but if you're in that tier, get in touch, and we can work with you.

I know this isn't relevant to you, but hate mail doesn't generally get a response. This should go without saying, but, I did publicly clown on that Dragon Age fanfiction writer over her attempted death threats a few years back. Similarly most of the misogynistic responses from Women are not Weaker than Men, or any of the subsequent posts, tends to get summarily executed. That stray fan of Shane O'Mara who never really understood his work, tends to get ignored. Though, I haven't seen anything from them in a year or two. Similarly, that guy who wanted me to know that “Space lizards are very important for the economy,” will probably have to wait... forever.

The real problem you're running into is probably because of how our backlog works. It tends to runs in a FILO pattern. That is to say, “first in, last out,” meaning new asks go on the top of the pile, and pushing down earlier questions in the queue. This has more to do with how Tumblr organizes its inbox rather than an intentional decision. For example, if I remember a question from five years ago, and want to answer it, I probably could not find it. I might be able to write up a post without that ask, but I wouldn't be able to notify the original sender (assuming they still use Tumblr.) This is the other reason that the dude who wanted to talk about space lizard economics will have to wait forever, that question was in 2013 or 2014, and there are roughly four-thousand asks burying his inquiry. (As a general rule, the only stuff that actually gets deleted is some of the hate mail.)

Another way to ensure a question won't get answered is to send it to Michi's personal Tumblr blog. There's only 153 in there, but, when answered, they don't get posted to How to Fight Write, and as a result, they're likely to get missed. (To be fair, the most recent ask in her inbox is from April 20, 2021, so that's not you.)

If you're asking about invisible lightsabers, I wouldn't completely give up hope. It wasn't really suitable for a full post, but assuming I can get Tumblr's inbox to cooperate again, it might show up in a batch of questions like the ones earlier this week.

-Starke

This blog is supported through Patreon. Patrons get access to new posts three days early, and direct access to us through Discord. If you’re already a Patron, thank you. If you’d like to support us, please consider becoming a Patron.

“#wrote a college entrance essay about this once” re: rpf research excuse me WHAT can you elaborate please 😭 (i say as someone who has also written some unhinged essays)

okay in my defense i didn't actually talk about rpf explicitly, but i did write about how one of the big draws of hockey for me was all the minute details and research rabbitholes you could get absorbed in. it's funny to look back on now because i think my understanding of hockey has come a long way, and also i'm kind of a completely different person than i was, lol. i'll put a few sections under the cut just for fun :3

But in late November of my ---- year, I turned on the television to watch a hockey game. It was the Flames and the Senators -- not exactly a nail-biter. I knew what to expect. I’d been to a college hockey game once at the University of North Dakota, and I’d been casually interested. But I certainly didn’t count on the Ottawa Senators setting the starting point of a great epoch of my life. The thing about hockey is that, leaving aside everything else about the sport -- statistics, personality, fanaticism, gameplay -- hockey is fun to watch. It’s fast-paced but easy to follow. All you have to do is keep track of the puck. Stoppages aren’t too common, but if they do happen, it’s probably because a penalty has been called, or because of a scrum, which both lead to more interesting circumstances. In short, hockey held my interest, and outpaced my notoriously short attention span. At least, that was how it started.

apparently i was rly trying to keep that harvard admissions officer on their toes lmao

Hockey culture is an unmitigated disaster. Awash with misogyny, masculine posturing, glorification of violence, and a thriving disrespect for the civil rights of minorities, it’s easy to brush hockey off as another antiquated hold-out of gladiatorial sports. Fans live and die for the blood of it. It’s especially easy to do so as a queer woman, someone who is definitely unwelcome in central hockey circles. It took me about ten minutes to understand that hockey Twitter, at least, was not worth a second of my time. But I hadn’t gotten as far as making it through an entire Senators game just to give up now. And finding other avenues of building community was easier than I thought. The Internet, it turns out, is shockingly versatile. Just as white male hockey fans all tend to congregate in the loud, wide-open spaces of fandom, the rest of us found areas out of view of the mainstream gaze. Within Tumblr tags, Discord groups, and even fanfiction archive forums, the women, hockey fans of color, and even us queers began to find each other. It was easier, then, to know where to start. In short order, hockey turned from something I watched as stress relief after a long school day to something I knew about. The people I talked to were knowledgeable, and the research I did on my own -- as was my wont -- helped substantiate. First it was about the teams, and then, when I had satisfied my knowledge there, the players. The politics. The rules, the statistics, the prospects. The slow stop-start of change initiatives like the Hockey Diversity Alliance. It turns out that hockey is an unquellable fount of things to learn, and it quickly became a way to collect things to know.

it's interesting to look back and see which things i felt it was important to highlight, especially given all the things that have happened in recent years with hockey culture. also please disregard all the identity flashing, i WAS trying to get into college, after all.

i go on to talk a bit about the demographic layout of the nhl & the draw of european leagues, plus why i started learning russian (to read kirill's insta posts), but that's the rpf-related section. if i were to rewrite this essay today it would be a completely different look at the world of hockey and its current landscape, but i'm giving myself some grace for having committed the crime of being 18 and not very smart.

Might have sent this ask already idk tumblr is weird

Not well-verse in online queer discourse but the whole bi lesbian thing pisses me off. So like, bi women in lesbian spaces exist and there are two types

1) the gay leaning bi woman, cause like if she identifies more with being wlw shes gonna be in wlw spaces. But 95% of the time if shes dating a man she's not bringing him to the lesbian bar.

2) the "im technically bi but i dont really care about men or want to deal with them" sapphic. Sometimes they call themselves lesbians. Sometimes they call themselves bi or sapphic. None of them bringing men to lesbian spaces

The second type is what i assumed the bi lesbian discourse was about. Like someone just wanted to give full disclosure. So i was confused what people were talking about. But the fact that ppl are fighting tooth and nail to include men in lesbianism, and then accusing other ppl that dont vibe with that to be transphobic and biphobic gets me so bothered you dont understand. Like why are you so intent on including men in an identity that excludes them

Im a lesbian but i love bi women so much, so the "biphobia fighters" that keep attaching bi women to this "lesbians can be/date men" has me fucking murderous cause why would you do that to them? And im not gonna sit here and act like lesbians cant be transphobic, no sexuallity is the "transphobia free sexuality". But like, we're talking about trans women/transfems right? Not a binary trans man that still wants to call himself a lesbian? Cause while i can sympathize with the fear of falling out of a community you grew up in, i am not gonna attack a lesbian for not wanting to date a trans man.

Sorry for rambling in youre askbox. This thing has me mad on every possible side

I feel like people also have to learn to understand the difference between wlw/sapphic spaces and lesbian spaces. When people use so much lesbian as an umbrella term for any wlw people tend to forget lesbians are also not attracted to men and that is also an important aspect of our identity. A lot of people tend to think we only suffer because of our attraction to women while we also do suffer a lot from not being attracted to men.

The bi lesbian discourse is partially about the second example you gave tbh.

Tbh the whole “lesbians can date men” coming from “bi lesbians” is usually rooted in transphobia too lol, both because they think trans men can be lesbians (which just shows how they don’t really view them as men) but also because they’re transmisogynistic so they think if a lesbian is attracted to a trans woman that is not so different than being attracted to a man…

People love attacking lesbians no matter what.

I've been trying to put it into words properly so I figured I should ask how you feel about it too

So there's just been something that's been bothering me about how people have taken the conversation about how in the stonewall days trans women have been in the frontlines only to be abandoned in favor of respectability politics etc and how particularly in online spaces it's been used/weaponized to just be, well, homophobic.

Like it went from a very reasonable and important conversation to just "while you f*gs have been busy being useless and dying of AIDS the transfems and lesbians did the Actual Work". Idk if you've met with this sentiment yourself but in some online queer spaces it's not uncommon to hear "cis gays did nothing for queer liberation" (while also being very much queerphobic like opposing leather daddies being at pride, go figure lmao) which is just, not true??? And I don't see how that's uplifting or helpful to anyone, also note the lack of any mention of trans men too.

I hope I'm making sense it's just been bothering me and I don't blame transfems for that because it's been mostly cis lesbians acting like this from what I've personally seen. The "supporting" of transfems seems to be an excuse to be homophobic which is very gross.

Oh yeah, I get what you mean. "Trans women built pride" is used a lot as an empty gesture of support (like, "yeah you girls did so much for queer people back in the day thanks!!" without actually doing anything to support transfems who are suffering Right Now. idk if there's a "strong trans woman" stereotype but it feels like it's starting to come about in leftist spaces, but thats a whole separate conversation) and that's gotten picked up the TIRFs to be like "men did NOTHING in queer history and it was all the women and femmes (a group which somehow does not include men) who did the hard work!!" Like... acting as though gay men are just passive observers in gay history, that we haven't done anything "real" for queer history. It also erases transfems who might've also been gay men.

And I don't think the origins of this are bad; there is a very real reason to be loud about the part trans people and queer women played in queer history, because there has been a lot of erasure. But, y'know, radfem misandry is like glitter. It gets all over everything.

There's also the fact that trans men & nonbinary/genderqueer people are almost always erased from this. I don't think we should talk about trans women's part in queer history less, but it's... interesting to me that people never bring up transmasc and GQ people, even though I don't think a lot of folks (especially queer kids) could name a major transmasc figure in modern queer history. I hardly ever see people talking about how Lou Sullivan is the reason that LGB trans people can medically transition, about how he was the first publicly out gay trans men- a major feat, and yet I pretty much only see other trans men talking about him. I've noticed that, at least on tumblr, lesbian/sapphic history tends to have a lot more discussion around it than gay men/achillean history. People view it as less meaningful, less radical, and that's 10000% a radfem concept (I've literally seen a radfem claim that gay men in history basically faced 0 oppression, because they could stay bachelors or just get married and still have relative freedom, which.... is just so insane and coldhearted).

So this is random, but I picked up Stardew Valley for the first time this summer and have been playing almost nonstop since.

I’ve also been watching a lot of SDV YouTube content and noticed that the general consensus there seems to be that Clint is a creepy incel who needs to keep his creep hands off Emily, which surprised me because that’s not really how I read him.

Idk what the consensus is on him here on tumblr but I’m assuming it’s similar? I tend not to dive deep into fandom spaces and just do my own thing so I genuinely have no idea, BUT I was kept awake by my brain going on a wild tangent about Clint with an entirely alternate take SO here it is:

[under the cut bc slightly long][also this is just for fun if you disagree that's totally fine]

Ok so first off I should say that I don’t LIKE Clint necessarily, but I also don’t think he’s as bad as people say. I’ve seen his heart events, although I haven't gone to look at what all the options are, I only know what happens with the option I picked (which was the "treat men and women the same" or whatever one).

But basically, when I look at Clint, I mostly see a guy who feels trapped in his profession/family tradition, is deeply bored and depressed, but doesn't really realize how much of a problem that is because he's 100% resigned to his fate. He's tired and doesn't have the emotional self-awareness to realize that he can do anything different or that he even should.

Which leads me to his feelings for Emily. YES he's obsessed with her and it's a bit weird, but also, it's never read as sexual or even that romantic to me.

I think it's more idealization--she's the opposite of him, vibrant and fun and seemingly in total control of her life, doing what SHE wants to do because she can and she enjoys it.

SO HERE'S MY HOT TAKE: Clint is closet trans and mistaking his gender envy of Emily for romantic attraction.

He feels trapped in his job which he clearly hates but feels resigned to because the town needs a blacksmith, what if he also feels trapped in his gender? What if trans as an option has simply never occurred to him or he thinks it's "for other people" or something like that??

I feel like if Emily ever did agree to date him I think he'd quickly find out it's not actually what he wanted from her. I think he really just wants the freedom that she has and also maybe the gender that she has idk is that really so unreasonable a take???

Maybe it is it was really late at night when I was thinking about this but I had to get it out lol

tl;dr: I don't think Clint wants Emily. I think Clint wants to be Emily, in a trans way.