#sorry if this is a big post but ive just been dreaming for a while. lol
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HAWKS (KEIGO TAKAMI) X (G/N) READER
summary: going on a date with hawks <3
A/N: sorry for not posting much, ive been a mix of busy, unmotivated and uninspired, but im back now :3
includes: fluff, mild swearing, innuendos.
When Keigo asked you out, you were over the moon. You've had a crush on him for a while now, and for him to want to take you out on a date, was like a dream come true.
I mean, how could you not have a crush on him? He's absolutely gorgeous, suave, funny and a true gentleman. You and him had been friends for a while, and now you were finally taking it to the next step.
He wanted to meet you at the park, so you put on something casual. Although, you still wanted to impress him, so you accessorized with some jewelry.
Then, it was finally time.
When you arrived at the park at exactly 23:00 like he asked, of course, nobody was there at that time of night, Keigo had specifically planned it that way, so the two of you could get some privacy without him being mobbed by fans.
You sat down on a nearby bench, waiting for your date to arrive.
A few minutes later, you spotted a pair of crimson wings flying towards you.
'Hey there, hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long.' He landed in front of you.
Luckily, he wasn't dressed up either. Just wearing an oversized white sweater and baggy jeans. For some reason, he also had a big backpack with him.
'Now, let's get to walking. I've got a nice spot for us to go to.'
While you were walking through the foresty part of the park, there was a comfortable silence. Both of you guys just looking around, taking in the beautiful view of the red and yellow fall leaves on the trees. The bright moonlight lit up the park, so it wasn't too dark to see.
At some point, you two were walking so close together, you noticed the backs of your hands touching. You were wondering if Keigo noticed it too, when he suddenly reached around and grabbed your hand. There was your answer.
'I'm sure you don't mind, right?'
'No, I don't.' You blushed and looked away.
He must've noticed your blushing, cause he had a cheeky grin on his face the rest of the way there.
You eventually arrived at the spot Keigo had meant to take you to. It was a gorgeous lookout with a view of the lake beneath you.
To your displeasure, he let go of your hand.
He opened the mysterious backpack he had with him and took out a red and white-checkered picnic blanket and snacks and laid them out under a willow tree.
'Did you think I'd let you sit on the ground?' He winked at you goofily.
'You didn't have to bring all this for me.' You said as you sat down next to him on the blanket.
'Only the best for you, birdie.'
You chuckled at the petname.
'Don't laugh at me!' He said, pretending to be offended. 'Now, eat up.' He fed you a strawberry to shut you up.
'Damn, you didn't have to force-feed me.' You punched his shoulder playfully.
'Shut your mouth before I force-feed you something else.' He punched you back a little bit harder.
'Why don't you make me shut up?' You provoked him.
'Don't try me. I'll kick your ass.'
The two of you started play-fighting. While you fought with all your strength, he was actually holding back, cause as a hero, he was much stronger than you. He wasn't letting you win, though.
'Wow. you really aren't gonna let your date win?' You feigned anger.
'You're such a brat.'
That's when he pinned you to the ground and kissed you. It was a short moment, but the feeling of his lips on yours took your breath away.
'That ought to shut you up.' He smirked as he released you wrists from his grip and sat back up.
And he was right, it did shut you up. You were silent for a while as you stared off into the distance.
'Hey, I didn't actually mean the thing about shutting you up.' Keigo spoke up after a little while. He was afraid he'd overstepped a boundary.
'I know, I'm just looking at the view. It's really beautiful.' You tried to distract him from the fact that the kiss flustered you.
'Yeah, it really is.' He said, looking at you instead of the view.
#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#mha#bnha#hawks#mha hawks#bnha hawks#hawks x reader#keigo takami#keigo x reader#fluff#fanfiction#mha fanfiction#bnha fanfiction
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Thinking about monsters right now. More specifically silly stupid mothman and his moth (sheep) partner. Like think about it, moths are dumb and I say that lovingly. XD
But also think about cute little you just munching on grass in the mid of night because food. Maybe your under a light or just basking in the leftover sunlight and then there he comes.
Big ol' boi flying around to find another light to stare at or family dog to freak out but instead he finds you. Hes probably thinking to himself so small! So cute! Little bean moth why are you on the floor? And when you dont respond to his pheromones he approaches.
His logic is probably because your fluffy and out at night you must be a moth, maybe your wings are too little or maybe your wings broken and you cant fly.
Hes seen it before months just crawling around to either die or get eaten. But he dosnt want that for you, your so cute and dont run when he approaches.
Instead you make the most adorable little bleat sound and just go back to munching on the soft grass peeking from your mouth.
In the morning the farmer is wondering where the hell had his sheep gone. At least your not dead, no you had the most terrifying but amazing moment flying through the air while clutching to the giant mothman before he settled you into his cave home.
Now you kinda just sit there doing the same thing as before. Chewing your yummy grass and other foods but now while nuzzled into your lovers very comfy nest as he happily wraps you up in his fluffy wings.
(Hii! Welcome to Pan's Thinking about monsters stuff. This is a little thing I started bc I have ideas for stuff I can never finish so I make little idea drafts and post them. Feel free to send me your ideas! Either through asks, comments or even ims I love to hear others ideas.
Anyways this was inspired by an idea I got for a oc iv been thinking of and wanted to share.
Sorry for the long read idk how tf to end stuff like this, have a nice night and happy monster dreams!)
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im not ready yet — eddie munson x reader
SYPNOSIS . . . you confess your feelings for eddie, yet he doesn't return them back.
WARNINGS . . . being rejected, eddie not knowing how to deal with his feelings , friendzone, mentions of drugs.
READER NOTES . . . fem!bestfriend!reader.
AMORA’S NOTE . . . i got the idea whenever like i confess to my eddie bot he just... friendzones me (╥﹏╥)..
IMPORTANT NOTE . . . if you have "mdni" on your account leave !! im a minor you are breaking your own boundary. wether my post is nsfw or sfw.
it was a day, like any other day. students were doing the usual stuff they do, it seemed too normal. something felt weird, like you feel something will happen and will change everything.
you sat down next to eddie in ms. o’donnells class.
eddie.
oh, how you had a big crush on him. he was perfect, cute nose and perfect curly brunette hair. and not to mention, he likes metal and d&d! it was like he was your soulmate and you were his, but he doesn't know that yet.
“hey, psst y/l/n do you have a spare pen?” eddie nudged you, making you in your day dreaming state snap. “huh?! oh right- yeah i think i-i have one.” you nervously handed him your pen. “thanks sweetheart.” he winked, and turned back his attention to the paper.
you've been thinking quite alot lately, to confess to eddie. you cant stand the fact that, you were both “just friends” now. gareth, jeff and dustin can see how you two act like a couple but aren't even together.
you are determined to confess to him.
so, you grabbed a piece of paper and wrote quietly.
“ hi eddie, meet me at our spot (at the picnic table in the woods) after lunch dont be late.
— y/n ”
you placed the paper onto your pocket and decided it was best to give him the note in his locker before lunch because he usually checks his locker.
—
you felt alot of emotions right now.
excited, nervous, scared, and did i say nervous?
you sat in the picnic chair, patiently waiting for him while playing the hem of your skirt. after a minute or two passes by, you spot a familiar brunette coming by.
“hello, princess what do ya need?” he greeted happily as he sat down at the other side of the seat with his "special" lunch box sans: the drugs he secretly sells.
“eds, i dont wanna buy drugs.. i just wanna talk to you about something.” i giggled. he puts the lunch box somewhere on his side.
“hm, alright? then what do you wanna talk about?”
you sigh nervously, “promise you our friendship wouldn't change??.”
eddie was confused, were you leaving hellfire? but obviously nothing could ruin what you and eddie had. “no, it wont change i promise now shoot.”
you sighed once more, looking around nervously. “i- i....” eddie’s eyebrows raised, he signalled you to go further.
“i..i like you eddie, not like a friend type of way.. a love way, where i have a crush on you. you make me feel things that ive never felt before.. i-” you stopped and looked at eddie, he seemed uncomfortable.
“eddie..?”
...
he quickly snapped out of it and mentally prepared himself, “i- sorry y/n i dont like you back... its just i see you as a friend, nothing more im really sorry, im not ready for a relationship.”
your heart shattered into pieces, eddie didnt like you back..
you let out a forced smile, and stood up.. “oh.. okay, thanks for telling me how you feel.. ill see you around.” you quickly fled from the woods .
you wanted to disappear, so you did.
you quickly went and took your bike, you didn't care if you went home early you had class with eddie so that'd be extremely awkward.
you sobbed as you rode your bike, you left the school with a heavy and broken heart.
whilst eddie stood there, dumbfounded.. shit shit shit- why'd i do that? now he just lost you. forever.
reblog > likes.
#— {🐚} her work's !#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson#edward munson#stranger things season 4#eddie#munson#eddie x you#eddie x reader angst#eddie x y/n#eddie munson x reader angst#angst
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Goodbye Amy, you are loved and missed everyday
Hey everyone, this is Admin B. Its been a while and I am sorry I can't come here bearing good news. Its taken me a long time to muster up the strength to come back on here... but you all deserved to know whats happened.
In case you didn't read the comment under the last post, Amy, aka Admin A, passed away in April of this year. Her friends and family have been devastated by this.... Shocked and numb at the idea that someone so full of love and light and as fiesty as a raccoon trapped in a trash bag could suddenly be gone but its true.
Amy wasnt just an internet associate.... someone I helped with this blog from time to time out of boredom. Amy and I have known each other for a long time after meeting through Twitter. Some of my best kpop adventures have ties to Amy and we spent our 20's chasing concerts, sharing secrets during sleepovers on out of state trips to each other, and talking about our hopes and dreams for the future.
Amy was one of my biggest supporters when I made the move from the US to South Korea to teach and while we werent able to talk and see each other as often as we used to when I was stateside, she never failed to remind me how often I was missed and loved. She was always one of the strongest pillars of my support system when the cultural differences and homesickness would bring me to my knees... Amy was always clear with how much she loved, appreciated, and missed me. Most importantly, she made sure that I knew that she was proud of me, always.
I miss her so much and this is the first time Ive tried to put my feelings into words since I got that phone call... and it still doesnt seem to be enough. I am utterly heartbroken and the light that comes from the world will always be a little bit dimmer... at least for me.
As much as I would love to continue this blog for Amy, I literally cant. Not only do I not possess the logistics to make it happen, but outside of that... this blog was her passion project. It stemmed from a need to provide Kpop fans outside of Korea with HD scans for their own crafts and passion projects. It was a way to connect to other fans all over. Amy WAS this blog and I wouldnt even know where to begin to pick up this mantle. No... some things end before we are ready for them to, freezing in time and while painful... its just the way things are sometimes.
If I can make a request of the fans of this blog, please, do something good for someone else. Amy was a fierce proponent and champion for anyone considered an underdog, so go and do that. Whether it be big or small... kpop affiliated or not... do it for Amy... do it for the underdog... and do it with the energy of a feral trash panda... because thats what Im going to do.
Until we meet again Amy
All my Love,
Admin B
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Hello again! Im so sorry to hear you feeling well when i sent in my ask the other day :( hoping that the life series drop tmrw will provide a much needed distraction for whatever you need it to :)
-☀️
"I know the, um, this morning didn't go… very well… but… if I could—""
"Good, he thinks, but it's a rote sentiment, not half so vicious as it had been only hours earlier."
- oh??? 👀 i am looking
- Im assuming this is the meeting they had about taking grian back to hermitcraft (and the revelation that grian feeds on emotions to survive)?? Very curious
- Now that metaphor about the childhood coat being stained is a lot more painful
-☀️
"even stolen energy can't make up for that."
"everything he'd never had the first time he— well, when Grian, the real Grian— had died."
- "stolen energy" omg i am biting ankles over this.
- And the "real Grian" thing. Yeah
- This is one of those moments where grian's whole situation is so much more potent and vivid. Imagining living as myself, but knowing im occupying someone elses body, and having my very lifeforce sustained by others?? Its not hard to understand why grian internalises and hates himself for being "a parasite". Idk thats probably very obvious to everyone else but this is the first time ive really thought about all of what that entails
-☀️
"Starving hands reach out from the depths of his mind to pull him back, stumbling, under that dark waterline."
- Love how the word "starving" implies that G falling asleep is more of a survival mechanism forcing him under so that his body can feed rather than only exhaustion
-☀️
"he's pressed a knife to every promise he's ever made since the day he emerged,"
- shaking you
-☀️
"His existence lies in the shadows of these distorted fractures, jagged hopes and dented dreams, forever fated to cut his hands on the fragments."
- AHHHHJSLDHSJSVSN
- Man 🧍
- Dont have any words. Just tears.
AAAAAAAAAA SUN ANON I ALWAYS LOVE SEEING YOU IN MY INBOX!!!! Gods im so glad these lines resonated with and interested you, they were a ton of fun to write
I have a brain today so i can actually expand on some of the things youve pointed out instead of just aiming heart eyes at you for the compliments fjsndjsjejke so for the first point, yes!!! Scar and Xisuma returned to the others post chap 6 and were like "Well that sucked!! Wow!!!!" I wouldnt say theyve given all the information to everybody, because they themselves aren't exactly ready to discuss that beyond the immediately required basics, but everyone else was given the gist: convo went badly, Grian is being taken back to Hermitcraft on Scar and Xisuma's insistence. Both Scar and Xisuma feel fucking horrible for how that conversation went down-- nobody had a good time there. So while the plan is to eventually get everyone up to speed, they're sorta taking this time to be miserable about what was essentially a fight that ended in stripping Grian of his autonomy
There's also a little cross-communication happening here in the background, btw: Scar and Xisuma have a pretty big picture now, but Tango, Mumbo, and Pearl have been fed that false info abt the potions being potentially useful. So, yknow :) just smth to keep in mind there haha
Your point about how it almost feels like Grian falling asleep is a survival mechanism is spot on the money. It's essentially him falling into a state of low power mode, where everything but his most basic of functions is shut down for a brief time in favour of preserving energy-- i would honestly consider it more equivalent to a coma than actual sleep. Hence Tango's concern, and subsequent relief when Grian woke up; the entire time he was unconscious, he was fully unresponsive. So, yknow. Real nerve-wracking to see, especially after that prior full week of unresponsiveness as his body struggled to maintain itself.
Tango's role here is indeed deliberate, both on a watsonian and doylist level!! The reason however is the exact same for both: Tango is a little more removed, personally, from this situation. Grian was-- and is-- his friend, ofc, but he's not as close to whats happening. Meanwhile, Xisuma is in 24/7 server babysitting mode, Pearl is not fit to be a caretaker, and Scar and Mumbo were tearing themselves apart by trying to sit and look after him. So Tango got assigned caretaker duties 😂😂😂😂 it was an effective way to divvy up tasks and keep everybody busy, and somewhat hilariously, so far Tango is the only person Grian isnt supremely upset with for one reason or another. And thats why he's continued to stay in caretaker mode lol he is truly just. The only guy who can rn
I also just sorta think of him as a surprisingly emotionally savvy fixer-type, in terms of personality. Like. I think he just gets what people set down in front of him, yknow? Although hell if he knows what to do with it once he's got em. He fumbles a lot, sure, and he defaults to fix-it mode, but he is getting the message when Grian essentially says "i dont wanna talk anymore" without actually saying it
As for Grian and his headspace, rn, theres definitely a complexity at work here where he wants to die and is very genuine in that, but he IS also grateful he's seeing his friends. He cant deny that. As painful as it is, he still loves them very much, and ultimately he's trying to do this for their own good as much as for his own sense of punishment and relief. I think like... now that he's really creeping up on what he has planned, and the pieces are suddenly becoming a reality, theres a bit of dissonance he's fighting against to stay on course. He wants his friends happy; he also wants to die. He's so overwhelmingly tired; he is, as much as he feels he doesnt deserve it, glad to have his friends close. That sort of hopelessness mixed with a warped sense of comfort that he got to see and interact with them one last time. If that makes any sense. Its a bit of complexity i wanted to make sure i added in, because people are so rarely fully decided on any course of action they choose to take, without even a single flicker of doubt (and especially one so final as this). Im glad youve picked up on that, and that you appreciate what i was trying to set down with it!!! :D
This was such a lovely message, as always-- you are very sweet, sun anon, and i appreciate you lots :] i hope you're having an excellent day!!!
#shouting speaks#asks#hunger au#compliments#dw i am feeling much better!!! was just a wonky few days :]#❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#anyway i hope these lil expansions are fun for you to read 👀👀👀#long post#txt
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even though i'm only just a smidge more than halfway through Widower for One Year, i'm going to make my predictions about the direction i think 271horses was gonna take the ending in had he finished the fic, just based on some commentary abt it that i've read from users on the BetterMost forum
i think that he was building up to the reveal that Ennis' grandson (also named Ennis) was gay. someone on the forum mentioned Ennis Jr. being struck by a pair of blue eyes (boy's eyes? idk) in a post pointing out the similarities bw the two Ennis', and so i have a feeling that the fic would later have taken us through moments of Ennis Jr. struggling with his sexuality woven between the sequences of Ennis' daydreams for what could've been and regrets for what was. because the fic also spends a lot of time showing us how Ennis Jr. isn't open or close with anyone in his family but Ennis, i feel like the big climax would have been like... Ennis Jr. coming to a breaking point where he's forced to turn to the one person in his life he can trust, his grandpa, with the fact that he's in love with some boy. in my mind, Ennis probably struggles with that for a while bc he's really weird and touchy about That Subject. there'd probably be a few sequences where he uses dream!Jack to work out his feelings about it all in there, too. ultimately though, i think the fic would have wrapped up somewhere around Ennis realizing that he doesn't want his grandson to experience the same pain that he lives with everyday, and the two having a heart-to-heart about Ennis' past and a reconciliation for any strain that Ennis Jr.'s coming out may have had on their bond.
i just feel like the fic is meant to be one of those that explores Ennis' reflections on Jack and what the loss of that relationship means to him, so i think Ennis opening up abt Jack to his teenaged grandson who is also experiencing a same-sex love would be like... the best note for the fic to end on. idk. 271horses used a lot of parallels in this fic and there's a quote early on where dream!Jack kinda throws it in Ennis' face that he doesn't talk about his grief over Jack to anyone, so it leads me to believe that the inclusion of Ennis Jr. was so Ennis could try and right the regrets of his past by preventing his grandson from making the same mistakes.
like i said, i haven't finished the fic yet so i'm not actually sure how far into the plot 271horses got. like... was he close to finishing it? was he 3/5ths to the end, or did he still have a lot more that he was building up towards that he ultimately didn't get to? idk lol, so like if there's stuff ive said here that is actually already in the fic, at this point i am unaware of it.
anyways, i just kinda wanted to throw out my thoughts on a potential ending now that i am halfway done w the fic! sorry if i sound insane LOL but also... i kinda like bringing back the discussion post vibes that old brokeback fans had on those early platforms :p
#i also wanted to get this down now bc im excited to see if and how my opinion will change once i do get to the end of the fic#oh 271horses...you have made me literally insane haha#still brokeback posting#brokeback mountain#oh also if anyone wants this fic so u know what ive been going on about for weeks now just dm me your email and ill get it sent to you#also if you want to stop seeing me frothing over this fanfic just block this tag ->#widower for one year
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tagged by the beautiful and amazing @aevallare thank you!!
1) How many works do you have on AO3?
9!
2) What’s your total AO3 word count?
63,696
3) What fandoms do you write for?
it's all bg3 right now, but I've also written for critical role and the arcana (visual novel)
4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
1 - that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of (bg3, astarion/f!tav)
2- ain't it warming you (the world goin' up in flames) (critical role, jester/caleb)
3- Liebe ist Fürsorge (critical role, jester/caleb)
4- Fighting the Hurricane (critical role, jester/caleb)
5 - true colors shine in darkness and in secrecy (bg3, astarion/f!tav)
5) Do you respond to comments?
yes! i try to do the "comment when you upload the next chapter" thing but sometimes its been a while since the last chapter and i get embarrassed and just respond to everything in one big rush
6) What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
where i left Fighting the Hurricane probably combined with the (checks notes) 1+ year long update hiatus, i am coming back for you baby i promise. i have plans for it. i just. god. so much happened to me right as i was working on it.
7) What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
All of my fic ends happy (this will not always be the case, eventual AA!AU will be. well. i shan't say.) BUT, and this might just be because its my most recent finished work, i think new steps might end off on the most hopeful note.
8) Do you get hate on fics?
this has never happened to me and id love to keep it that way lmao
9) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
yes :) the only real posted smut ive got rn is that's the kind of love ive been dreaming of, but i have other smut in the works
10) Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
Fighting the Hurricane doesn't count, really, but that's the closest we've got: its a Critical Role/Pacific Rim fusion.
11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not that i'm aware of
12) Have you ever had a fic translated?
nope!
13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?
i have nooooot, but i am not sure that the way that i write (terrible first draft and then editing for 1000 years) is very friendly to co-writing. I'm not against the idea at all though, its just. you know. i wouldn't want to torture a friend with the everything about me. maybe someday though!!
14) What’s your all time favorite ship?
in this house we multiship, peace and love. :) though honestly i made a joke once about retiring kira as an oc after bg3 bc of everything im putting her through after becoming so enamored with kirastarion so maybe that? sorry blorbo from my brain, enjoy the conciliation prize of elf dick.
15) What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
stares guiltily at Fighting the Hurricane ch 2, languishing on my wip pile. listen, i still fully intend to finish that story. i was doing cool stuff in there. the only problem is that my brain exploded while i was writing ch 1, and this wasnt supposed to be more than 2k words but i am myself, and i didnt use outlines then, so my notes are a mess.
also i cannot possibly underline enough the bit where my brain exploded. this is an exaggeration only in that none of it came out of my head, but i was Not Myself for a Long Time.
16) What are your writing strengths?
i think my internal monologue bangs. this is because i agonize over it.
17) What are your writing weaknesses?
moving characters around in the space is like pulling teeth and i feel like a solid 30% of my editing is focused on that. getting someone from point a to point b elegantly and without it feeling like "astarion got up. he moved his feet. he sat down. he looked out the window" makes me feel like walking into the sea
18) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I like it when it makes sense! Why does this character use another language? Does the reader need to know what they're saying? Is the POV character unfamiliar with the language? Does the reader learn anything from this? If you don't have good answers, why do it?
I find tieflings really neat, and bg3 does the typical dnd thing of "tieflings are looked down on," without, like, doing much with tiefling culture. So Ive had Kira use Infernal as a shortcut to create familiarity with other tieflings, and use it to have private conversations bc why would anyone but tieflings and people living in The Hells know that language--this solves some problems for her! And it creates others.
19) First fandom you wrote for?
Naruto...... once upon a time i wrote shikamaru/sakura fic. i was going to make a joke about that being my actual first longfic but i just checked and it literally isnt, i worked on it for a year and if you dont count the in-text authors notes (it was a different time) the whole thing is shorter than true colors chapter 4.
can you imagine me, now, updating something for a year and it being less than 11k. lol. lmao, even.
20) Favorite fic you’ve written?
eldath's mercy is my darling right now who also scares me to death. update coming soon (this week? i hope?)
i will tag @simon-says-nothing and @raccooncrimes and @septemberskye and YOUUUU reading this if you want to do it, tag me if you do!!
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any octavian/octkahale song recs? i've been listening to 'we will commit wolf murder' (of montreal) a lot recently and i feel like it kind of fits octkahale but honestly it might just be my brain projecting them onto it.
oh my gods yes hi hello i have been working on a playlist for octkahale for a bit and ive had an octavian playlist for a while that i have not shared thank you sooo much for this ask. i am SO SORRY it took me this long to answer this i kept forgetting about it
ALSO YES OH MY GODS THAT FITS SO WELL HELLO IM SCREAMING?? anon ily and this song
but yeah this post isnt much analysis sort of just observations and me connecting themes from songs to octavian (and mike)
warning. pretty long post under cut
as for the songs i associate with octkahale;
I will never shut up about them and Vampire Empire by Big Theif. I think about them everytime i listen to it, honestly. So, this, as I see it, if from Mike's perspective, talking about Octavian, more specifically Blood of Olympus era.
"[...] I'm not quiet, you've been quiet just recieving what you said
Reeling, feeding, feeling filled by everything you fed
I see you as you see yourself in all the books you read
Overwhelmed with guilt and realizing the disease."
"You give me chills, I've had it with the drills
I am nothing, you are nothing, we are nothing with the pills
I am empty till she fills, alive until she kills[..]"
"I wanted to be your woman, I wanted to be your man
I wanted to be the one that you could understand"
"Well I walked into your dagger for the last time in a row *
It's like trying to start a fire with matches in the snow
Where you can't seem to hold me, cant seem to let me go
So I can't find surrender, cant keep control"
(*the end of this lyric was removed in the now released version of the song, making the actual lyric "well I walked into your dagger for the last time" however I though the demo version fit better for them here)
alsoooo. P.U.N.K Girl by Heavenly. This to me sounds like Mike trying to defend Octavian in some way. Much more domestic than the other one lmao
"People say she's bad
But they don't see
The way she is with me"
"P is for the painful way she makes me feel some days
U is for utopia, the other times with her
N is for the new wave dreams she had back in her teens
K is for the kid in her [...]"
"She is honest in kind but in a way that people see
As telling lies and being mean
She has thousands of dreams but what they are I'll never know
I hope I figure in them though"
"I don't care if they don't see
Just how great that girl can be
But I wish she'd find a way
To act well for just one day
I don't mind if they can't see
Just how much she means to me[...]"
"She is hardened to hurt her softness hidden from the world
But almost ready to unfurl
She tries so hard to change but something always happens to
Persuade her, it's too hard to do"
I put like. almost the whole song their. It just works very well imo :')
Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives. This to me also reminds me of Blood of Olympus. augh. Mainly just Octavian and Michaels tenseness. This one I'd say is from Octavian's perspective. I have been meaning to do a oneshot about this for so long and I prolly will once I figure out how to do Octavian's narrative voice (i have been working at it too long. anyways)
"The words I speak
Are wildfires and weed
They spread like some awful damn disease
And I swear, I didn't mean what I said
I swear, I didn't mean it."
"Now listen close
You owe me ears for dropping eaves
Forget it all, you caught me in a moment weak
Sometimes I just can't help myself[..]"
"Remember when I could tell you not to smile when you were mad?
And you would always crack
And we'd both be laughing in the end
Now you're not so quick to forget"*
(*this verse specifically I think fits in Mike's perspective. only this one specifically tho)
"Are we allies or enemies?
This will be the death of me
This will be the death of me
All is fair in love and war, but I can't fight with you anymore
This will be the death of me"
"What happens now? Do we have another go?
Do we bow out and take our separate roads?
I'll admit I've had my doubts
But I want to be let in, not out[..]"
Nothing's New by Rio Romeo. Ohhh my gods yeah. I like angst with them very often sorry guys. Octavian's perspective, rocky times w them. Not much more to elaborate on methinks.
"I want to be touched, be loved
I wanna heal, be hugged
It's just the two of us
Or that's what we swore
And if I lost my charm
Apologies due, no harm
Cause you got ahold of my heart
And I know it's worn"
"I want to be close to you
But I don't know what to do
'Cause if we are near to through
It may make it worse
And if I start to grieve
'Cause it feels like you're 'bout to leave
Forgive me, I'm not naive
I've been here before"
Tongues & Teeth by The Crane Wives. Oh my gods. No thoughts just Octavian warning Mike that he's flawed and despite the fact that Mike is fine with that and wants to help him, he [Octavian] just knows it wont end well.
"I've grown a mouth so sharp and cruel
It's all I can give to you, my dear"
"And I know you mean so well
But I am not a vessel for your good intent"
"Desperation will erase the fact I'm keeping all
Of the answers in my cigarette box
Yeah the answer's in the second before the other shoe drops[...]"
Octavian specifically!(a lot of these r like him and his relationships with other charavters);
Brutus - The Buttress. OCTAVIAN TALKING ABOUT JASON AND ABOUT THE GIANT WAR/HIS DEATH HELLO YOU ALL SEE MY VISION YES. I almost cited the entire thng but. just listen to it the ENTIRE THING WORKS!! i have literally no intelligent way to explain said thoughts i just. take these mid observations
"Or am I just wishing I could be like you?
That the people would see me too as a poet,
And not just the muse.
Oh, it's not true, I don't wish harm upon you
From birth we've been like brothers from different mothers
Within the spirit of the same womb
May the Gods strike me down if I forsake you,
Frater meus, you're beautifully made
And to you I'm forever grateful[...]"
"I know the love you showed me came
from a pure and noble heart
I love you, and if you want, I'll call you king
But why do I lie awake each night thinking
'instead of you, it should be me?' "
^^ugh on the topic of how he feels about jason's status. i think he would feel a weird sort of jealousy, and a lot of that would be distressing because he likes jason. its not jasons fault that he has the acomplishments octavian wants. but he's human and that comes with loathing.
"Something wicked this way comes
And as I set to face it, I'm unsure
Should I embrace it, should I run?
What motivates me? Hatred? Is it love?
What's more wrong; that I too wish to be great
Or my mother wished she'd had a son?
And even if I can't be the one
Maybe I could at least help make way for him
Until the day that he comes
Maybe my name could also be known
That I helped return good to the people
And restored greatness to Rome."
^^all just about the giant war. oh my gods this boys desire to save his city. ALSO THE 'wished she'd had a son' LINE. cheering and clapping as a trans octavian truther (literally either way. it works either way transfem and transmasc octavian truthers unite)
"So with a heavy heart
I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my enemy
My whole life, you were a teacher and friend to me
Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy
I, too, have a destiny
This death will be art
The people will speak of this day from near and afar
This event will be history, and I'll be great too
I don't want what you have, I want to be you"
'goodbye, traitor Jason Grace!' ahh lyrics. oh hell he makes me ill.
"I always knew I could be the one
Though I feel the endless pain of being
And I am scorched by the Sun
Of humble origins and born of the cursed sex
My name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex"
mmmm. something something prophet of apollo. something something transgender my brain is radio static.
now. heres a few where i really dont know how to draw any specific connections between him and the lyrics just. sort of themes which i apply to octavian. all of the songs are good listens though imo (especially wannabe which is SO UNDERATED AND SO GOOD)
Wannabe, Pt. 2 - North Bloom
Saint Bernard - Lincoln
Flight of The Crows - Jhariah
CHOKE - IDKHBTFM
A Mask of My Own Face - Lemon Demon
I Am Not a Robot - MARINA
Teen Idle - MARINA
Under My Skin - Jukebox The Ghost
Migraine - Twenty One Pilots
THANKYOU SO MUXH FOR THIS ASK I LOVED MAKING THIS POST
#asks#anonymous#damien shut up challenge#octavian hoo#michael kahale#octavian x michael kahale#octkahale#michael x octavian#riordanverse#jason grace#sort of
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i know this is such a strange question to ask and im actually sorry im asking this because of how stupid and useless this question is but i dont know who to ask. i havent changed my room like paint it or get new furniture for it since i was 6 , i live with a disabled mother who can only stand/walk for like 20 minutes and i couldnt do it by myself so ive never been able to change my room. i have the option to change it now and i have a large budget to do this. im going to paint my bathroom and my bedroom and buy a new bed, decor, desk all that stuff but i dont know if i should do my room to look very similar to violet’s or just do a very basic “modern” room ( obviously i couldnt do it exactly like violets considering her room decor is from more than a decade ago ). i really couldnt change it after i make this choice id have to repaint, buy all new furniture etc and i cannot make up my mind it is literally tearing me up as i cant even answer where i want to eat for dinner 😭. with a room like violets i would have my absolute dream room but my friends would make fun of me, it would be slightly more expensive and im so worried ill change my mind like what if i dont base my whole personality on violet anymore?? and with the plain room i wouldnt love it and it would be very boring but i wouldnt get made fun of and i would be able to add more in it ( tv, vanity etc) i just dont know what to do because thats a lot of money to spend to want to change it in a year or two no matter what style room i choose . im so sorry for asking this ridiculously stupid question!
This isn't a stupid question whatsoever and there is no need to apologize! You definitely came to the right place because I love design and being economical.
First of all, if your friends belittle you for your tastes they are lousy friends. When they do that shut them down. Tell them to stop because it makes you feel bad or simply give them the silent treatment. The latter I usually use and it works.
Secondly, you need to remember you don't have to get everything at once. It is like building any collection; it takes time and patience.
I think Violet's bedroom paint color is neutral and can go with just about anything. I wouldn't go with a darker paint color because your environment affects your mood. It will be like a cave. While white or grey works well I think it is overdone and resembles a hotel lobby.
In order not to break the bank with capturing Violet's aesthetic, you need to look in the right places. A large amount of her furniture was found in antique thrift stores. Find thrift stores or markets near you. They will be significantly cheaper than Etsy or Poshmark. You can also try out Ebay, Poshmark, or Facebook Marketplace. Make sure the seller is well rated, though.
But I have to address something important; you mention basing your whole personality on Violet, I discourage that because you will lose your own identity in the process. Additionally Violet herself would promote staying true to yourself and not changing for anyone.
Now I have a few questions because I really want to help you:
how big is your room and do you know the dimensions?
would you like me to post pictures of Violet esque bedrooms?
would you also like me to post links to stuff (dupes and exact furniture)?
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this is rlly long sorry lol i just got carried away
hi ive just been feeling overwhelmed and i wanted to get this off my chest and maybe get some advice. i think youve seen blushydiors post on how she manifested her dream life with super hard circumstances and ive been using that as kind of a guide. my emotions wojld be up and down, for a while affirming did make me feel good and i felt like i had what i wanted (i do think i was and perhaps still am overcomplicating it because she said she reached the sabbath and *then* received her desires so i thought i needed to do that, key thing here is i was thinking i needed to do something else to get my desires.)
anyway yesterday i was rlly down cuz a circumstance just kept getting shoved in my face i literally felt sick but i tried my best to affirm and reason to myself that the world is just a response blah blah, i dont need to believe my affs whatever. but i always find myself coming back to this weird belief that i do need to, and not believing my affs makes me feel hopeless because i dont feel like i have what i want and it feels like thats going to do nothing. ive done my best to affirm/persist n flip thoughts and stuff and tried to tell myself im doing everything right but i just kept worrying. today and yesterday ive just felt so tired because ( that circumstance that was getting pushed in my face was school starting soon, i want to reverse time) i kept noticing i was constantly picturing myself in the future going to school and without my desires and literally no matter how much i flipped that thought it still came back and people saying to persist n flip ur thoughts, itll change ur beliefs, and that your dominant thought has to be that you have ur desire made me feel like i had to keep flipping it and im just so tired i literally cant. sometimes i do get motivated and genuinely believe my affs that i always manifest in 2 days and theres no way the 3d couldnt show me what i want cuz its just a shadow, but it comes and goes. i feel hopeless and i dont wanna give up because itd be so damaging and ill just never let myself, but im just scared. these intrusive thoughts are just 3d circumstances, fear created by me so i should easily be able to rise above them, they dont affect anything, but i just want to believe my affs man itd feel so much better. ive seen stories of ppl like blushydior and her story and ppl just like her who manifested with her guide, how they just never gave up, and my circumstances are absolutelt nothing compared to theirs but im just so tired i dont know how to stop overcomplicating this or have faith which i dont even need.
my intrusive thoughts just wont go away and my beliefs feel like they arent changing i just dk what to do. i kinda realized i should just affirm my beliefs change easily n stuff but im still gonna send this if you want to respond with any advice or anything. thank u, im so sorry this is long
hi honey! i get what you mean. always remember that if manifestation is hard and consuming your mental health, it’s not real manifestation. my best advice would be to take a little break to focus on you and only you, take care of your body and mind, and once you’re ready, manifest, persist, don’t let anybody tell you what you have and what you don’t, only you decide!!! sending you big big love and many hugs, you will make it!!! <3
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is this ordeal with dream making you reassess rpf fandoms in general or anything?
edit i realize i went on a mostly irrelevant tangent bc of my posts where i said ive always disliked the dsmp fandom, but if you were wondering Solely because of the allegations, no. stanning a real person always comes at a risk and while it sucks when things go awry i do think i'm normal Enough about my parasocial behaviors that i'll be fine mentally regardless of the outcome and will leave if i must. ok now onto the rest of the post
oh i'm ok discussing the community, just not like. the details of the allegations.
and the answer is: not particularly. the dsmp fandom is a pretty unique case, not in terms of content (i dont wanna sound like the kinda person who thinks minecraft rp is new) but in terms of community.
this is not to say that other fandoms surrounding real people are better, much less perfect, but they're definitely a more comfortable thing for me.
for one, i've seen a lot of people having the dsmp as a "baby's first fandom" sort of moment. i think this is because its something really popular that is harder to enjoy passively - while you can watch stranger things with your family and get the whole experience just by watching the show, with the dsmp you need to keep up with cc twitter pages and stuff to be fully in-the-loop, and this leads into fandom pretty easily. this means you have a lot of people going around getting into their very first discourse All At Once. and people who get Really attached to one thing and feel lost when suddenly the fandom they literally learned to draw/write/etc for goes quiet.
for two, the dsmp is a category that is broad as hell. its not like i watch all the ccs. i think that would probably make my brain melt from my ears. but when you have a category that is Broad As Johnny Bravo's Shoulders, its more like a million little fandoms than one big one, and they all overlap but don't really Share A Space. u can like someone's tubbo fanart and then see in their bio that they like, have a really strong vendetta against quackity or something. or vice versa. you also have a lot of shit to keep up with, which is simply too much for me. i will continue just having like. three dudes to think abt from now on rather than 30
thirdly, the thing Above about there being so many ccs does make the fandom more Baffling for everybody, and the community seemed to repeatedly add to that. i am not going to be like "hari and every popular blogger is evil! what about people who ARENT popular >:(" bc that is downright ridiculous, but think abt stuff like duo names, oddly specific tags, referring to ppl solely by nicknames, spreading conversation back and forth between multiple social media sites rather than just tumblr, etc - all of those things had a purpose and were perfectly fine (anyone who tells you that you must refer to your friends by username only just to make Their online experience more accessible is an idiot) but they did make things tricky for newcomers. friend groups aren't inherently cliques, but some of the ppl ive seen claiming that its "super easy to pop in and join no problem!" are the Exact folks ive seen unintentionally exclude others. again, not a moral failing, just a consequence of What Its Like in the fandom, especially to people who havent been around forever. and if you don't like a popular blogger youre kinda fucked bc they're everywhere- like can u imagine if there were Multiple clones of isa in the jse fandom, and they were like. your Only window into updates and shit etc etc? not to compare isa to anybody else. sorry to anybody who feels like theyre being compared to isa even if u dont know who that is. sorry
there's also an age difference in the fanbase And in the content creators. some of my favorite fic writers in the jse fandom are young, but some are also literally in their 30s with children and jobs. meanwhile a significant number of ppl in the dsmp fanbase making art n posting hot takes n stuff are under 17. particularly with tommy, ranboo, etc. and when so many of the streamers themselves are young, it can cause Problems - a lot of the adult ccs are at my college level, peak time for stupid behavior. not to mention,,, when you look at the jse/markiplier fandoms and see a fan being really sexual, its just like, "oh, maybe this is a little weird, but relatively harmless as long as they aren't being invasive about it." when you look into the fandom of a youtuber who isn't even old enough to vote yet, and see a fan being really sexual, it's more of a "holy shit that is predatory and fucking disgusting" moment.
^ continuing off of that, or at least the cc ages, their fame skyrocketed after a much shorter time than a lot of other creators. they did not have a normal adjustment period to being fucking everywhere. i'm not even one of them, and i didn't have a normal adjustment period to seeing them everywhere. older ccs with more professional stuff going on don't make the same mistakes as the newer folks. they know when to step away, too - as much as i wish jack was back on tumblr due to the theory content here, i also get why he's gone and understand that the environment would be Shaken tf up by his return.
having them be such a trend also meant that while the fandom is big, the anti-fandom is just as prevalent. in the jse fandom we have blue and their pals (yikes!), as well as a group of people that have generally negative feelings towards sean but are normal about it. we do not have entire communities dedicated to stalking him for "crit" and the amount of people speculating on his personal relationships have pretty much dwindled. we don't have people casually dropping his address and information about his family every time they meme about him. i can talk about watching jack and mark around ppl ive never met without starting off with a disclaimer! in fact, i frequently have to do the opposite with jack and mark, because their discourse is so Out Of Sight from the majority these days that some people just fucking ignore their friendship with pdp or past transmisogynistic jokes or etc etc etc. literally see ppl calling them "unproblematic kings!" every 2 seconds and gotta be like what the Fuck are you talking about
u also have the fact that the dsmp fandom became Such an ordeal during a really shitty time of fandom discourse in general. while people arent like going batshit insane over steven universe or whatever so much anymore, the moral arguments about fiction right now are hell on earth. it is pedophilia to watch cartoons and abuse apologism to think a character who was mean one time is interesting and if you are personally attached to a character then your feelings can just override canon in theory discussions. literally the worst time for anyone to be in a fandom regarding very morally/politically funky roleplay. as evidence i present whomever the fuck thought up the idea of posting proship discourse on r/dwt2
lastly i am far more invested in the egos as far as hyperfixating goes rather than the actual creators (as much as i love them) and would have zero problem just taking anti and making him My Own Guy (considering ive already basically done that) in the case that jack. idk. killed someone and was promptly cancelled on twitter for murder.
so yeah no. my deepseated hatred of the fandom in general (despite my love for much of the art and the wonderful people ive met) does not extend to all real person fandoms
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apologizing: a reflection
Apologizes. Ive been thinking about them. It's one of the reasons the yee haw family started in the first place. I like the complexity of a villain (cough music meister cough) having to come to terms with having made a mistake. I have had two ideas for scenes running in my head since starting to post about the au and I don't want to lose them.
SO! These are set after meister has been with Greg and Justin for a while, is going by Dinadan , and has started to feel bad for his past behavior with Pied Piper. He seeks out each adult individually. under cut because oops.
Scene with Greg:
Meister is helping Greg put away saddles and bridles. The cowboy is working vigilantly and carefully, making sure to check each piece for wear and damage. Meister pauses for a second, takes a breath, and then asks his question.
“How do you apologize?”
Greg looks up brown eyes sharp with thought. His full attention is on Meister.
“Depends on what you're apologizing for. If it's a simple thing, like dropping something on someone’s feet, a quick sorry will do. But I suspect that ain’t the case.”
Meister fiddles with one of the bridles.
“No. It isn't. I… I've done some pretty bad things.”
“So have I.”
Greg says with a hum and then leans back. Meister puts down the bridle.
“But to address your question Din, I think it's important for an apology comes from actual sorriness, not just guilt,” He adjusts his hat, “It's also important that the apology is not an attack.”
“And attack? How can an apology be an attack?”
Meister’s eyes narrow and his head tilts. Greg hums.
“It's hard to explain. Let me tell you a story. I was bullied a bit when I was younger.”
“You?”
“Me. I wasn't very big in middle school and there was this kid named Terry. Terry the terror. He loved taking other kids’ arms and twisting them till they screamed. And making nasty comments on anythin’ he could while he was at it. Anyway, he moved to another state in the first year of high school. I stopped thinking about him for a long time and the words and actions he inflicted on me settled. I felt better about myself and started doing a lot of things to improve my skills and pursue my dreams.”
Greg straightens one of the saddles, the glint of his eyes dampening slightly.
“Then the man got an itching of guilt at the age of twenty. Drove ‘im mad thinkin’ over what he’d done, I guess. He came back, spoutin’ off about how messes in his current life made him want to right wrongs from his distant past. Funny thing is, it didn't feel distant to me. He dragged forward all the rotten memories and bit into that self-confidence I’d built. And then he ran off again. He didn't mean nothin’. He just wanted to offload his guilt and brought with him an attack on my soul by tryin’ to heal his own. My father sat me down that night and looked me in the eye.”
Greg’s eyes flick back to Meister’s, bright and burning.
“He said, ‘Son, you don't have to forgive a man that ain't sorry. You owe ‘im nothin’, and if you can’t stop ‘im from hurtin’ others, you especially don’t owe ‘im your thoughts. When someone’s truly sorry and tells you, they’re tryin’ to build and repair a relationship. The fact that that child ran back off into the ether means he weren’t sorry. He was just feelin’ guilt.’ So Din. Imma tell you this as someone who has been apologized to a lot over the years and has apologized a lot myself, make sure it's worth reminding them of the pain. That you are workin’ to build somethin’ and not just off loadin’ guilt. Also, you can't make people forgive you and build out that relationship. It's their right to choose either way.”
Meister blinks, taking in all the information, and slowly nods. Greg gives a large smile and then squeezes his shoulder.
“Takes a brave man to see his mistakes and take on the responsibility of fixin’ them. I think you’ll be brave. In time. Till then, keep talkin’ and thinkin’. Never gonna learn nothin’ if you keep on the same tracks alone.”
Greg rises and leaves Meister to think for a while.
-------
Scene with Justin:
Meister is brushing Copper while Justin brushes Victory. His conversation with Greg is still fresh in his mind. He decides to see what his other adult thinks.
“How do you apologize?”
Justin pauses for a second, clearly thinking deeply.
“Apologies are an admittance of wrong and a way to verbally promise to rise above what you once were to not do the action again. We all fall short, stumbling in the darkness, but the key is to try and rise above our past selves. To be noble and be more. An apology should address the mis-action, make a statement of how improvement will be made, and then be followed by a change in actions. An apology is hollow if you continue to act in the same manner.”
Meister leans against Copper, chewing on his lip.
“But, what if you keep messing up? Or messed up a lot?”
“The path of nobility and courage can be narrow. It is hard to be perfect in all moments.”
Just says, pausing. He fully faces Meister and his eyes are soft.
“You cannot be your best self every waking moment. But you can strive to be. I think most people can respect trying, if the world is not more off-kilter than I think. To make the attempt is half of the battle. So even if you keep messing up, you can still rise again. Greg and I will be here to catch you when you stumble. It is what family and friends are for.”
Meister feels a small grin working its way onto his face but still has something eating away at him.
“You still want me around, even if I have done horrible things in my past?”
Justin reaches out and touches his hand.
“Of course. You are not doing those things now and clearly, your mind has come to see them as wrong and not how you wish to act. There are many in this world that are content to wrap themselves in misdeeds and evil and sleep in the filthy ditch-water of mistakes. But I think you are too courageous to be like them. You are trying to change and be better than you once were. That makes you very noble in my eyes, Dinadan.”
Justin lets go of his hand and returns to brushing down Victory. Meister blinks and looks down at his hands. He takes a breath and then returns to brushing Copper, having a lot to think about. Both in what he wants to tell his adults about his past as a super villain and how, and if, he would apologize to Pied Piper.
#music meister#vigilante#greg saunders#sir justin#shining knight#yee haw family au#fanfiction writing#hermes speaks
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everything i know so far regarding religion and my experiences (big post with a lot of words and some pictures too. i tried doing the image id thing so hopefully i explained it all alright) skip at your own discretion
so, for everything ive made either a comic or drawing, then i'll explain what happened a little more underneath.
~~~
first and foremost before i start, so were on the same page, visits to heaven can occur during the time someone is asleep. this could even happen to you if you see in your dream a recently passed relative (or any passed away relative in general but for the most part it happens when the passing is recent and goodbyes didnt happen for one reason or another) and if it hasnt happened to you personally yet, you probably know someone who's experienced a visit.
with that out of the way, lets get started
---
{ image id: an 8 panel comic. 1st panel shows myself with two others sat around a table, as i joke "God, if this is a sin, strike me down". 2nd panel simply says * later that night * . 3rd panel is in 1st person perspective of me in my dream, opening a door. 4th panel shows that behind the door from panel 3 that God is there floating, his hair/beard flowing into the cloud his head is casually floating on in the middle of the room. 5th panel simply shows a lighting bolt. 6th panel shows me falling through the floor. 7th panel shows me waking up in a state of panic. 8th panel simply says: TLDR: If you call upon him, he'll answer. end id }
this is a comic regarding my first visit. at the time irl i was considering becoming an atheist, so this put a solid halt in that. the reason both people with my in the 1st panel dont really have any defining features is because i was at a psych ward at the time for wanting to unalive, and they make you sign nda's there soo, thats the best i got. in the dream/visit itself i was at home, opening the door from the living room to the porch. and God wasnt just there waiting, they kinda came through the ceiling without breaking it. dont ask me how cuz even i dont know.
---
{ image id: another 8 panel comic so here goes more typing yippee! 1st panel shows God from the side, simply saying "So". 2nd comic shows God turning forward, asking "Are you alright?", as though finishing what they were saying in the 1st panel. 3rd panel shows God an i sat on a couch, and while God looks normal sized, i look tiny by comparison, showing basically the setting. 4th panel is a zoom in on me as i rub the back of my neck, saying "i mean ...". 5th panel simply tldr's what happens as i * proceeds to vent ... a lot * . 6th panel shows God saying nothing, but, they * listens to every word * . 7th panel shows me, clearly upset from venting so much, but also now parched, as i tell God "I'm sorry, I've been talking so much, my throat got dry. Do you have anything I could drink?". 8th panel shows God from the side, for the first time smiling as they say "Of course" and a fridge magically appears at opposite from where i am in comparison to them. end id }
so, not even i really knew what all happened until years lated when i asked God if that visit was a therapy session because all i remembered upon waking up after is the last two panels and afterwards, when my mom and step dad came and told me that the year for earth was 2077 and that the north pole was a desert, then we went and had a mini feast with relatives (and maybe ancestors? idk, there was a fair lot of people and i didnt recognize a lot of them so maybe?) , then i woke up. and if youre going to ask why gods eyes arent visible in this comic when they were visible in that last one, at the time of drawing this comic in particular i didnt feel deserving of him looking at me and smiling, cuz lets face it, were all a bunch of sinners here all trying to do good at least. but at the time if i remember right i had a caffeine addiction to the point i needed 8 coffee/monster energy to get me through the day (4 in the morning + 4 in the afternoon), i since went cold turkey against both.
---
{image id : a 4 panel comic because i finally learned my lesson so i dont have to type as much pog! 1st pannel shows myself and my brother (ftm) stood in Gods temple, and i casually ask "Hey, so, can I reincarnate?". 2nd panel shows god towering over both of us easily, their response is a smile with a "Yeah, sure" as they hold something glowing in their hand that i look into. 3rd panel is glitchy, as it shows a child 1st person perspective, the child is looking down, admittedly a bit overwhelmed while saying "mom, i memember my last life". 4th panel is glitchy as well, this time showing the vague image of a woman reaching out her hand presumably to the child, asking "what do you remember?". end id }
so, for a bit of context, the dream/visit didnt start out like that. it actually started at my great aunts house (who at the time was still alive but died very soon after) it wasnt her house when she was alive, but rather, her house in heaven. my godmother was also there, and i was helping her to remember how to fly because she had forgotten the lesson. so, in total there were 4 people there (my great aunt, my godmother, my brother, and myself) and mid way through me teaching how to fly, another of my brothers teleported into the room and just casually took a seat. after the lesson we went outside and walked around my great aunts heaven house, and when we walked a little ways away there was some kinda conflict, and i simply prayed and the conflict was over within under 10 secs. then as the group of my relatives and i went walking back to my great aunts house, i mentioned to my brother my thoughts of asking to reincarnate soon, and he says to me "why not go right now" and i agree, so we teleported to Gods temple and thats where the comic picks up at. what this told me is that being lgbtqia+ isnt a deadly sin, so any member of the rainbow community isnt going to hell for simply being lgbtqia+, which i see as an absolute win.
~~~
thats the most i got for when it comes to visits, which occur when someone's asleep. but, now, its time to go over a couple visions ive had (and no im not gonna talk about when i died cuz that would be 3 posts in a row, so if you wanna see any of that just check it in your own time) because its just visions, i didnt make comics, but just drawings, which, comics are drawings sure, but not all drawings are comics. and, so i stop rambling, lets get started.
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{ image id : the great flood. as a man drowns under the fermanent from the quickly rising water level, his soul is outside the fermanent, walking up alongside his dying body, unable to help and can only comfort his souless body by watching it slowly unalive. end id }
when i saw this, i honestly saw at least a dozen others doing this too, i also watched who i could only assume was some past incarnation of myself succumb to the same fate. and for those wondering how a soul can be out when the body is clearly still alive, well, 24 hours before someone dies, their soul's already passed on to the afterlife. where the saying 'dead man walking' comes from, because for those 24 hours, the person's already dead, the rest of the world just doesn't know yet.
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{ image id : the battle at the end of the world. vegetation is barren from the hills as a giant serpent with black scales and glowing yellow eyes makes its way through the landscape. two angels stand in the foreground, aiming their swords to the heavens, causing a pillar of light thats base covers the two. in the distance, the sky is crimson and the clouds are dark grey almost black. end id }
so. also worth mentioning that when i looked to either side of me, there were armies of God all ready for the greatest battle and ready to take part. needless to say it was overwhelming for a lot of reasons.
~~~
so, thats all really. i could get into the couple times i saw the son of God in visits, but the first time was me in a back room with boxes and he was running by and seemed to be busy and i didnt wanna bother him because of that so i didnt say anything, and the second time we were at this park near my childhood home and i asked him if him and adam are technically in a way brothers and we both ended up laughing causing me to wake up.
~~~
from all this i understand that theres stuff im not allowed to know of my visits for one reason or another, and i kinda figure its so i dont cheat at life. because if i had all the answers, than how else is life supposed to test me.
earth is a school after all, and i at least want my place earned on Gods fridge with a magnet hopefully 🤞
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I just finished read TCC and,,, uhhhh
i regret everything
u see, i’m a big sucker for grumbo probably my #1 ship so obviously i read w&w for like 5 times???? (love it sm) yeeeeah. And so, i have been waiting for an update (without looking at your tumblr for info until yesterday) or even info that you will no longer continue writing this work. While i was waiting, i started read works for scarian/mumscarian and saw Veritatem Dies Aperit. Ive never been a fan of big fics especially when they’re still in progress, cus, well, u know,,, not all works reaching their ending. So, yeah, I began ignore this fic as hard as i could.
Months pasts and then i finally choose to look at your tumblr and see maybe u already told everyone that you will no longer continue w&w, but then i read your pinned post and remembered about TCC. I was bored and wanted to read something so i gave it a chance.
And i regret everything.
I regret ignoring this work so badly, i’m so sorry. I read it literally in one breath. I love it so much you have no idea!!!
The concept????? Holy fuck 1900s, past lives, some creepy stuff, and them!!!! Relationship between characters???? they’re so silly! Mumscarian (together/separated) written so perfectly omg!!! The last chapter(12) with wholesome grumbo AND THEN ending with that dream?? i’m so scared /pos!! Can't wait to see what happens next and how they're going to solve everything! (and also can’t wait for talk between grian and scar🤭)
I’m so sorry for bad grammar but dude!!!! idc about translation rn, just wanted to express my feelings about this work.
Thank you for all your hard work!!!
AAAAA THIS IS SO SWEET IM SO HAPPY YOU LIKE IT!!!
i totally get ignoring unfinished works!! i'm guilty of it as well, so dw about it at all and I'm so glad you gave it a chance!! no worries about grammar either, you're all good
i'm so happy you like the concept and this ask just totally made my day!!!! I was only checking my inbox because I was about to continue working on the next chapter, too... LOL good timing!
the next chapters to the end are a total ride, so strap in!
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05/29/2023
tw? kind of in detail/graphic talk of sh
Today was a very good day. I walked a mile, did a workout, and rollerskated. I also had a yogurt bowl which was very tasty! I didn't have any self harm urges until roughly ten minutes ago? I was just laying with my cat and i remembered pictures I had taken of my cuts and missed the feeling, but I got past it and did my face care routine to distract myself, worked wonders. I still feel off though, like something is missing. Ive been self harming for almost four years now and I always had open wounds. Ive come to realize that i dont feel like myself without open wounds. I know the feelings will pass and over time i will heal mentally and get out of this mindset, but it sucks right now.
While my stepmom was doing her daily bodycheck on me to make sure i havent cut, she mentioned taking me to see a dermatologist later on and having them prescribe a scar cream. I dont know why but this really bothered me. Ive told her and my other parents that i dont mind my scars because they are a part of me now and i want them to fade/heal naturally, and i dont know if they dont care what i think or if they dont like them. I dont want my scars to fade quickly. I have to live with the consequences of my actions. She makes me put on this over the counter scar cream every day and i hate it so much, i dont even have control of my own body at this point. Im pretty sure they want my scars gone because they think its ugly but i dont. i think its beautiful. it reminds me that i survived. and im proud of that.
My grandmother had to bodycheck me last week because i was at her house. she is a very conservative, christian woman who is known for being judgmental so i was scared. I mean she went outside and cried on the porch when she found out that im queer so i didnt know how she would take this She asked me how i cut and what i used and why i cut and she told me that its going to leave scars. im pretty aware of that, one look in the mirror and i can tell. she asked if she could take pictures , why would she need pictures? i told her no and she seemed to get a little more upset. i dont really like her,, she told my parents about my facebook account (i had them blocked) and got me in trouble so ,,
i was supposed to start therapy two weeks ago, but i didnt. my dad and stepmom are notorious for not taking my mental health seriously and putting things to do with it aside to do other, meaningless things. i was told im going to start this week but im not sure. the school therapist told me that im going to be doing two kinds of therapy - regular talk therapy and intense trauma therapy. my stepmom insists on doing trauma therapy with me and the school therapist accidentally let it slip that my "therapist" would tell my parents everything we talk about. how am i supposed to get better if i cant confide in my own damn therapist? does that not break the patient confidentiality rules therapists have? they think i was cutting because of the trauma i endured when i was 9-13 but its not. ive almost healed from what happened, the reason i was cutting was because i have severe chronic depression, my pills werent working, and i hate the enviorment im in. i hate the people, the scenery, everything. whats funny is my dad and stepmom are blaming everyone but themselves when they are the actual reason i was cutting. thanks dad! thanks for fucking nothing
on a brighter note, i reached 1 month sh free a couple days ago! thats really big for me, i havent gone over two weeks in years. im sorry this post is so long and messy, i just need to get how i really feel off my chest. i hope whoever reads this has a wonderful morning/day/night and has lovely dreams <3
this has a lot of spelling errors, its late at night. i should be sleeping,,,
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Guy who just had the weirdest fucking set of dreams in ages
inno particular order
In my dorm and i go ? Visit someone? i don't know who this person is supposed to be which is weird because usually my brain will make up a person and make me already know them, or just have them be someone i actually know, but this was neither. i sat or laid down with them or something and kind of just ? not lost consciousness but lost like all track of my body. I know they held my hand but i couldn't tell anything else really outside of that so i was like Hey im so sorry if im invading your personal space, i woke up at 3am (happened to me actually)and they were like Lol dont worry about it. i kept just ending up in like this weird twisting position where i couldn't see anything but i could feel the way my arms were wrapped - actually this may have just been the way my literal body was sleeping for real LOL. Was really scared cause i thought i was kissing them on accident and i was like Oh god im so sorry!!But i think it was literally just me sort of melting into the floor
Big long continuous dream that was one of those where im pretty sure ive never dreamed it before but my brain just makes me feel like I have. Something something very x files y , clones , body switching, etc
now x files y for REAL cause imjust in a grocery store with mulder and Scully while mulder goes and does who fuckin knows what but scully calls me over to this little desk area she's set up and is like Look at this ... This heart is from a navajo woman... And this other one isn't even human , this is a cattle heart...so i guess she was just going through a bunch of . Old hearts and that was somehow relevant to the case . At one point though i was thinking to myself Wow I didn't know we could unfreeze old old old frozen hearts and get them to start beating again that's kinda weird!
dream morphs so that im in a weird living space watching something with a couple other people . And then send me on my way by rusted root. you know. The song from ice age. like slowly starts getting louder....and i kinda look around to see if anyone else hears it and i can tell from their faces that they can ... and then suddenly it gets REALLY LOUD as ford pines runs around the corner of this like center pillar thing our TV is on with impact text "HEY" imposed on his hand and as he does like 3 laps around this pillar on my way gets louder and quieter. And then after the 3rd lap when he reappears from behind the pillar it's just like Actually j k simmons and the send me on my way cuts out entirely and me and these other people are like scream laughing cause i think my brain made up some Tumblr post about that and we were like DUUUDE JK SIMMONS SAW THE POST!!!
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