#sorry for rambling I am half aware of what I am doing right now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cheeseceli · 9 months

Text

What Do You Even Know?

Pairing: Hyunjin x gn!reader

Genre: fluff, friends to lovers, small drabble

Words: 765

summary: Hyunjin finally realises he doesn't know as much as he thought he did, and he once again discovers something new

request: I can’t help but think of Hyunjin telling someone how much they mean to him as basically a confession and the other person is kind of shy about it and didn’t think he could see them like that and he’s like “ahhh what do you even know” it won’t leave my head 🤞

authors note: tumblr hates me atp i swear. anyways, not proofread as always but yeah

Hyunjin thought he knew a lot. Of course, he wasn't cocky enough to think he knew everything, but he wasn't clueless either. He knew he loved to perform and to be on stage. He knew he liked to eternalise moments through art and photographs. He knew the boys were his family after living together day after day for 5 years. And he knew you.

He knew he loved your smile and would make anything on his power to keep it on your face. He knew he loved your laugh even though you hated it, and he knew it would physically hurt him everytime you tried to silence it. He knew he hated seeing you cry, and it was so unfair because even then you looked beautiful. He knew he was happier by your side. But he didn't know why.

Hyunjin always had a curious nature, so he couldn't help but wonder why you were so… different. No, he was the different one whenever he was next to you. But you were so casual abou it that he doubted you felt it too. Have someone else noticed it? He acted differently around you, he was sure, but why would-

"Hyunjin?"

He looked at you when he heard your voice. Actually, using better wording, he focused on you once you called his name, as he was already looking at you while he was thinking. He noticed your eyes, how they were shining even when the lighting was bad. Your eyes would've looked so pretty if they weren't filled with worry.

"What?" he replied with a slightly hoarse voice, noticing he probably didn't say anything in a while.

"You looked a little bit lost in thought just now. Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

You gave him a small smile, a smile that immediately took some weight off his shoulders.

"Nothing much, I was just rambling about some annoying coworkers. What were you thinking about?"

He tried to articulate his thoughts. Truth is, he didn't know what he was thinking about. Right now, his mind was blank and all he could focus on was the domesticity of the situation. It was a friday night at the dorm. It was too late for you to go back to your home, and even though he didn't say anything, you both knew he was silently asking for you to stay the night. The lights were off and the living room was being iluminated by the moon. Your legs were resting on top of him, his hand slowly caressing your skin. He was thinking about it all. He was thinking about…

"You."

You were taken aback by his blunt words. You didnt't expect him to be so straightforward. And you'd never expect him to think about you so intensely.

"Oh? Care to explain?"

"Just, you know, how I've changed since I met you." He averted your eyes from you, knowing you were observing him, searching for a more detailed explanation "I don't know, I feel like… like I've changed for better?"

He dared to look at you once again. You were watching him so dearly that he felt that he could lose himself on your features once more. Just like that, he understood why he felt so good by your side.

"Yeah, I've definetly become a better person because of you. I am more aware lately. I'm enjoying my life more. I think it's because I get to live it with you."

You were speechless. Even though he didnt't look at you throughout his somewhat confession, you could still feel the genuine feeling behind each word he said. You chuckled, not knowing what to say.

"Wow, I… didn't know you thought of me like this. I'm touched." you said, half in a whisper, half in a giggle, still processing what had been said to you.

It was Hyunjin's turn to laugh lightheartedly to your words, the meaning of his speech sinking in meanwhile he slowly realised what was happening to him, to you both.

"What do you even know…"

Later on, you'd finally realise what he meant with those last words. For now, he was enjoying, aware of the warmth your body radiated towards him. Because now he knew he liked the way you cared for him and why he'd have a smile whenever you crossed his mind. It's because he loves every detail about you, every flaw, quality and insecurity. Above all, he loved you, and now he knew it.

Feedbacks and reblogs are always appreciated!

Header by @cafekitsune as always

372 notes · View notes

hirsheyskisses · 8 months

Note

I don't usually send in requests so it feels a bit weird to do so but can I ask for Killer with a s/o that's had a bad day or kinda stressed out and done with everything (cus gosh people are annoying) that's all, thank you.

Kill the Negativity!

KILLER x READER

Summary: you've had a fucked up day, the locals of an island driving you to your wits end, with no help from the Captain. So you seek out Killer.

a/n: killer has nice hands. Anyways this is cute! Hope you enjoy :D

"Fuckin assholes." You curse, kicking at nothing in particular as you made your way to the deck of the ship. As far as you were aware, the rest of the crew was still off on the island getting drunk. Much to your dismay, your Captain and the others had actually gotten wasted, along with the locals. You'd already been growing weary of how on your ass the red head had been, bit him finally verbally sprinkling the remarks of you not doing enough, and being the weak link, had been enough to drive you over the edge. The local drunkards had joined in, and you slipped off into the night to watch the ship.

You were used to it. You knew Kid was a pain, and you still cared for the man, but that didn't make you want to drive a stake through his heart any less at the moment.

"Be careful." The voice came from right behind you, and you spun around, fist raised and knife being drawn. However, you relaxed as you recognized the large figure before you: the masked man who innocently had his hands raised in surrender. Sighing, you sheathed your blade. "Sorry. Bit distracted."

"I noticed. It's not like you to let people come up behind you." He replied, moving a bit closer. "Surprised you aren't with Kid- now that I think about it, ya weren't at the bar." You began to move to the kitchen and Killer followed. "Didn't feel like it. Judging from your current mood, I'd assume it wasn't that fun."

You opened your mouth, about to ramble about what had happened, then chose better of it. Kid was still your captain, and bad mouthing him wasnt-

"-whatd Kidd do to get under your skin so much?"

"I'm starring to think you're a mind reader." Killer's shoulders shook a bit and he shrugged, "If I was, I wouldn't have to ask what's wrong. But anyone can see Kidd's had it out for you recently."

"Don't worry about it." You entered the kitchen with Killer hot on your tail, shutting the door behind you both. You walked to the sink and grabbed a glass, filling it with water. When you turned, you were met with strong arms caging you in, Killer towering over you.

Taking a slow sip from your drink you stared up at your lover expectantly.

"..forget about the fact he's our Captain, and tell me what he did." Killer whispered, watching as you took another drink and sighed.

"The usual drunken antics. He started screeching about how useless and in the way I am, and then the local assholes joined in. Simple and annoying as that."

Killer tensed, and you heard the softest of growls before he sighed, "I'll deal with Kid in the morning. For now.." with ease, Killer had you in his arms, one arm wrapped under your thighs so you sat, the other wrapped around your back as he left the kitchen with you. You laughed, having set your half finished glass down and wrapped your arms around his neck, and before you knew it, he had you both in your shared room.

"Chu up to, Killer?" You questioned, sliding from his hold as he set you on the bed, and locked the door. You watched as hesitated, and then began to fidget with his mask, pulling it off.

Then, you saw his beautiful face, golden hair atop his head flattened and bangs covering his ocean deep eyes.

"Mmm, there's a pretty boy." You whispered, watching Killer's face flush as he moved closer, then sat himself besides you.

"Shush and.. relax. You're so tense." You hadn't even realized how stiff you'd been until killer pointed it out. Yet again he picked you up and postponed you in-between his legs. You often admired how easily he could just- move you. Like you weighed nothing. But then again, it was Killer- nothing was too heavy for him.

His hands made their way to your shoulders. "Killer.." you mumbled, feeling his hands beginning to work, massaging your muscles. You bit your tongue, but heavens above, it felt good. The smallest of shameful noises left you and you quickly squeaked out, sorry!

Killer only smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to your cheek. "Relax. The point of this is for you to feel good. It won't get sexual." Oh, how contradicting those words could be in any other scenario. But you trusted him. Even if you still didn't plan on making more. Every so often, Killer would work a spot that had you gasping, and he'd lean back in, lips capturing yours in a gentle kiss. "Doing so good." He'd whisper, hands moving to your sides, working his fingers there.

"Don't deserve to deal with those assholes." Killer would mumble, "you're one of the strongest and most talented on the crew." "Kid knows it, he needs to express it."

His constant validation, and soft voice, had you melting in his touch. "Killer.. you're too good to me."

You leaned against his chest, staring up at your boyfriend. He met your gaze with a soft, love struck one, and smiled, "no.. you're too good for us. For me."

Killer rolled you so you laid on the bed, him towering over you, before he leaned back so he partially rested on your legs, glancing around before moving to his side, pulling you into his chest.

"It's been a while since we could really cuddle." You murmured, snuggling a bit closer. Killer nodded. "...figured you'd need it. Seriously.. I'll deal with Kid." The blonde promised, rubbing your back, and you angled your head up. "S okay. It's just how.. he is. Doesn't make me hate him any less, but.. well, I'll get over it."

He rolled his eyes. "You don't need to get over it. Kid needs a wake up call every once in a while." You nodded in agreement, "I spose so. But don't terrify him this time.. last time you scolded him he looked like he wanted to murder himself." Killer almost snorted, remembering the confused and enraged look Kid had on his face. "I make no promises."

Leaning down, he caught your lips in a kiss, gently moving closer. His movements were gentle, holding you as if you would break under any touch, lips dancing together. Your hands tangled in his hair and held him close, his own hand traveling up your side, fingers ghosting over your skin before coming to rest at your lower chest, holding you down. A slight gasp escaped you, and just for an instant, Killer had slipped his tongue in, gently prying to your tongue, before breaking away, panting softly.

"..we should sleep." You whispered, amusement in your voice to see how flustered Killer had grown, and he nodded slowly.

"Yeah.. as long as you feel a bit better.." He whispered.

"As long as you're happy."

#killer x reader #one piece killer x reader #killer #one piece x reader #one piece #kid pirates

131 notes · View notes

saphhhiree · 7 months

Note

hello!!!!!! i was wondering if u could write an abed nadir x reader mayhaps.. fluff or smut, i don’t mind !!!! i am so starved for abed content pleek.

HOLY SHIT HELLO MY FIRST FUCKING REQ????? HOLY SHIT YES OF COURSE ABED CONTENT IS LACKING!!! I WILL PROVIDE!!

introduction to art

abed nadir x reader

warnings: i’m very high so not proofread, nsfw, jeff’s ego, makeout, oral m!receiving, fingering, (in pt2) no pierce (i’m sorry but i won’t write anything pierce would do or say)

enjoy!! reader is afab if u didn’t want that i can change it if needed 🙏🏻🙏🏻 but gn prns!!! also! reader sits next to jeff in the open chair

“y/n? wake up!” opening your eyes while groaning softly “you can’t keep falling asleep, we need to keep studying” annie said rolling her eyes. “but this is borrrrriinnng” you yawn stretching your arms. “then leave, no one’s keeping you here yknow” annie crossed her arms while puffing her bottom lip. “gladly” you stood up but before you could pick your bag up, “you can’t.” you looked back up to the source of the voice, locking eyes with abed, his brows furrowed, “we have our art project due tomorrow.” he cocks his head slightly to the side awaiting your response. “so? you guys are studying for a class i don’t have with the rest of you, this is basically pointless for me. plus it’s almost 10, we all should be home right now.” you cross your arms, bag on your back ready to walk out. abeds mouth snaps shut as he looked to jeff as if he could stop you, jeff rolled his eyes saying “how about you and abed go to the other study room for your project and we can give him the notes tomorrow.” you practically wanted to murder jeff. 5 mins away from peaceful slumber yet now morally aware how unfair it was to leave abed to fend for himself. turning on your heels you walked to the opposite of the room “cmom im tired, let’s get this over with” tapping abed on his shoulder “aw, that’s nice.” shirley commented as abed packed up to follow you out in the direction of the other study room.

“what’s the assignment anyway?” you both put your bags down and sat next to eachother “expressing the human form and fabric texture” he pulls his notebook out, looking for the description of the assignment. “ah, okay…” you copy his actions, knowing you don’t have the notes because you fell asleep in the class. “since we’re partners on this one, you can be the model and i will draw it” abed says as he turns to you. “what? that’s not fair cmon.” you pout slightly, the thought of basically modeling for someone who you had feelings for was not something you wanted to do. “but you don’t have the notes” he points to your empty notebook then glancing at his notes. “fine.” you sigh and put your head in your hands awaiting further instructions. “it says arrange for a live model, examine the flow of fabric on the body while drawing it.” you get up, trying to hide the fact you were practically sweating, “draw me like one of your french girls, abed” you joke as he turns his chair around to look at you, “you have to be naked for that reference to work” he says looking down to start the sketch “what?? it was perfect timing, i think i hit the mark either way.” you groan back, “no, it doesn’t count, you can’t quote something that doesn’t apply to what’s happening. plus your not laying down” annoyed, you respond “yes i can! i can quote whatever i want! it doesn’t matter if i’m laying down naked or not.” you cross your arms. “yes it does.” he keeps sketching, “no, it doesn’t” “yes, it does.” “fine!” you yell, you’re tired and just wanted to make a joke, but now your irritated, you pull your sweater off, and next your pants. abed stares back at you, “you’re still not naked” he shakes his head almost burrowing it into his notebook, he’s seen half naked people before yea, but not you. you intrigued him, you never got mad at his ramblings, you watched kickpuncher with him when troy couldn’t, you’ve shown him movies you like, and he actually enjoys them. though you make crappy jokes about them, or *cough cough* quote them wrong *cough cough* something about you drew him in. he could read people so well, and he could read you too, but he still couldn’t figure out why he liked you so much. bringing him out of his thoughts you joke “why do you want me naked so bad?” “i don’t.” he lied. “so you think i’m ugly?” you push him further, “no” your laughter dies down, “oh?” you question, “wait. what’s happening? are you flirting?” he looks up at you, noticing that you’re a little too close than he remembers you being. “do you want me to be?” you ask looking down at your feet. he stands up, cocking his head to the side, looking down at you, “yes” he says.

PART TWO IS UP! NSFW! READ HERE, 18+ ONLY!

#abed nadir #abed community #abed nadir x reader #abed x reader #abed smut #community x reader #community smut

120 notes · View notes

whosnearr · 1 year

Text

"handsome" | w. bonnie

summary: withered bonnie comforts you when you're on the verge of a gender dysphoric breakdown.

content warnings: transmasc!reader (pre-op, on t), in detail mentions of dysphoria, human!withered bonnie, this takes place in my human!fnaf au, flirty undertones

word count: 1277

author's note: i wrote this awhile ago. i am once again out of things to post so i hope you guys accept this crumb. i usually post for william/michael but i am also secretly a withered bonnie enjoyer. he is a cutie patootie. i hope you guys enjoy.

It was your break. You had been working hard hours on yourself to have enough money to afford simple necessities. You were living paycheck to paycheck right now. College funds really tore apart your savings and you had hardly any money for anything. You had been struggling mentally and financially and you were falling apart. And now, here you were, standing in the bathroom, at work, during your break, silently. You were judging yourself. Saying the things to yourself that no one else dared to say. Even if they were true.

You really shouldn’t be doing this to yourself during your break. You did have to go back behind the prize counter eventually. You worked as a ticket counter at a lovely pizzeria with plenty of friendly workers. You loved your job. You really did but, at this given moment, you just wanted to go home and be in solitude. You were a mess. Your binder was clinging to your chest with sweat, your bottom growth was itchy beyond all reason, and your body ached for no reason at all. You were irritable and tired, your head was pounding, and you were sweaty.

‘This bathroom is so hot,’ you thought to yourself as you bent over the sink and splashed cool water into your face. The effects of your testosterone were hitting you hard today. You were sweaty, you smelled bad, and your voice had been cracking all day. You were in an awkward phase, and it was terrible. When side effects got this bad, you were painfully reminded that you were assigned female at birth.

You let out what sounded like a gasp for air as you started unbuttoning your shirt. You slid it down your arms and threw it into the sink bowl. You were well aware that your shirt would be wet once you put it back on but you couldn't bring it upon yourself to care. You were too caught up in your current emotions. You stood at the sink in your black jeans and white tank top, looking at yourself with water and sweat dripping down your face, your unruly hair, the distraught look on your round face. You groaned in frustration and ran a hand through your damp hair.

In the middle of your breakdown, Bonnie walked into the bathroom, surprised to see you standing in your tank top with your button up at the sink. You didn’t notice him for a long while. You were bent over, your hands gripping the side of the sink bowl. You only noticed him when you dropped your head and saw his shoes from your peripheral vision.

Your top half snapped up as you turned to him. “Bonnie! hey, I didn’t hear you come in. I just felt, um hot, and I came in here for my break. I was just washing up. I can leave-“ you were rambling. Bonnie shook his head as you scrambled to grab your few things that were set out on the sink. Just your wallet, your nametag and your shirt. You really just wanted to look away from him so he didn’t see your binder.

“You don’t hafta leave, son,” he said and chuckled. He gently put his good hand on your shoulder and smiled at you in the reflection of the mirror. His gorgeous smile with his full lips and his tooth gap. It made your heart melt and you felt safe staying in here with him.

“Yeah, o-of course,” you said and tucked a loose curl of your hair behind your ear. You dropped your things back into their places and looked down at your feet, letting a sigh escape your lips. “I’m really sorry Bonnie. I was just having a moment,” you explained as you flapped the front of your tank top, still feeling overheated. It wouldn’t help, seeing as your binder was still clinging to your chest and holding the heat against your body.

“‘s alright,” he said and leaned against one of the sinks, grabbing his bad arm and bringing it up to his chest so he could cross his arms. “What’s going on?” he asked sweetly, turning his head to you since his body was facing towards the stalls, away from you.

You thought of an excuse. No one here knew you were trans. You easily passed as cis and everyone automatically called you by he/him pronouns. Not that you were worried about coming out or anything. You knew that toy bonnie was trans too, so you didn’t know what you were so stressed about. It’s not like everyone in the workplace wouldn’t be accepting. At the least you knew the performers would be. You were slightly worried about telling Bonnie, Freddy, Chica and Foxy seeing as they were older and there was always the possibility they would be closed minded.

You had been standing in silence for a while, unsure of what to say in response. Bonnie watched as you silently sorted through your thoughts. “No excuse?” he asked and dropped his arms down to his sides. He stood up as straight as he could and looked down at you. “C’mon kid. Just tell me. I won’t tell anyone else. I promise ya.”

It was almost like he knew you needed to hear those words. You weren’t sure how to tell everyone else, but Bonnie made you feel comfy. You let out a sigh as you decided on what to really say. “I’ve just been feeling dysphoric, being trans and all,” you said and ran a hand through your mess of hair.

He hummed. He already knew. He could tell by the way you had to manually stop your feminine mannerisms. The way you forced your voice slightly, the way you stopped yourself from putting your chest over countertops, the way you were constantly fixing your stance, even the way you rested your face. He could tell you were self-conscious in your masculinity and that you feared being feminine at all. Of course, he didn’t understand the dysphoria you were feeling. He was cis and never had to wish he was more manly or masculine. He had the gender you could only dream of.

“Well kid,” he said and put his hand on your shoulder again. “I’m not sure how to help, to be frank with ya, but you are such a bright young kid and I’m happy to see you grow every day," He paused briefly as he thought of what ekse to say. He was searching for the correct words. "For what it’s worth, I’ve heard younger girls calling you handsome. I can’t help but agree,” he said, possibly flirting with you. He squeezed your shoulder gently before dropping his hand back to his side.

Your cheeks flushed and your face heated up more as you let out a flustered chuckle. “Gosh, you’re making me blush, bonnie,” you said sheepishly and looked away from him. You couldn’t control the smile on your face. A big cheesy smile that showed off your perfect teeth. It was such a blinding and gorgeous smile. It was contagious and Bonnie found himself smiling as well.

“Feelin’ better?” he asked and put his hand on his hip. He looked over your shoulder and grabbed your button up for you.

“A lot better,” you said and reached out to take your shirt from him. You put your shirt back on and slowly began buttoning it back up. You took more time than necessary on each button. Your fingers fumbled and trembled. You were undeniably flustered and anxious. Adrenaline pumped through your body considering you just came out so impulsively. “Thank you bonnie.”

“O’ course, son.”

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #reader insert #y/n #fnaf lore #fluff #fnaf fluff #withered bonnie #withered bonnie x reader #withered bonnie is actually a cutie patootie #fnaf x reader #x reader #fnaf two #fnaf 2 #bonnie #bonnie the bunny #fnaf one #fnaf 1

67 notes · View notes

drowninginblox · 2 months

Text

Torched

FitMC fic bc March is hard TW: mentions of a past with thoughts of cannibalism,

Hollowed out. That's what Fit would say to someone who asked him how he was doing. Hollowed out, just like this damn cave.

No weapons, no food, not enough strength. The thought of getting up felt like a trial and a half against his still buzzing brain. The only thing that's tempting him to do so is the darkened but still bright sky overhead and the pain he feels in the pit of his stomach. He should have told him when he had the chance. At least write it down in that damn book.

"Stupid." The reverberations of his voice and the words against his lips remind him where he is. It's been a year since he's been like this. Oh, have the mighty have fallen. What would Ramon think if he saw you like this, huh? “What about Pac?”

A voice, warm, soft, familiar asked. From where, Fit couldn't tell. But in an otherwise muted world, Fit heard it. He swallows, the dryness of his throat becoming more aware to him. "I'm sorry I can't make myself known. I would love to show myself to you," He takes a breath. He didn't think going insane was such a plunge. Weren't there stages to losing your mind?

"But there are matters that are... just as concerning as yours, warrior." Fit glances at the corpses. It's been two days since he'd been shoved here and the thought has turned into a temptation now. Who are you? He challenges, biting his lip to the point of drawing blood. He hasn't done that in a long time. "Do not worry, you are good friends with my champion. I am only here to help." Although the warmth of her voice served as a comfort, the complexities of what she just rang through his soul. He raised a brow. Okay, let's try this again,

Fit takes another look before trying to move his legs. First the right, then the left. But when he tried to straighten out the left, a shot of pain courses through his ankle and up his calf. A scream brakes him from his determination. Tears of pain welled, but he knew he had to do this. "Warrior-" Shut the fuck up! Just give me a minute! An irritated sigh followed but Fit paid it no mind as he bunched some of his shirt into his mouth and continued in his plan. He was going to stand even if it killed him.

It took a few minutes, a few agonizingly painful moments full of words he would never say to anyone else, but he got to where he was satisfied. Leaning against the stone wall that made up the cave he fell into. "Okay- okay,..." He mumbled, breath ragged against the adrenaline. Who are you and what do you mean by champion?

"I am Rose, I can not show myself as the majority of my power dedicated to protecting someone right now. Someone you hold dearly." Fit took a sharp breath at that. Let me guess, "Philza, yes." His eyes narrowed, pupils dilated with rage. Now you're protecting him? What the hell happened to him?! Fit needed to tell Phil that he made his god gasp although, maybe the context can be left out. "I was not the entity that corrupted his mind with greed! I would never!" Sure, and I would never eat avocado toast like a millennial. I'd never thought I'd take up cannibalism after leaving the wastes but here I am, moral dilemma McGee- intermixed his rambling, on a spare patch of dirt that found itself nestled in between the stone, a dandelion grew. Fit barely saw it happen. It was just in his periphery, but damn did he see it. "What-"

"You are hungry are you not? Trust me and I can help you." Fit glances between the dandelion, the corpses, and the sky a few times. The voices in his head have been silent for a while. And sure, they aren't the most reliable things. But, this... lady, even if this is all disillusion right now, it's nice to have company at least. Fit rolled his eyes and picked the flower, popping it into his mouth. The warm voice laughed. "That's a new one."

You're name is Rose right? "Indeed."

And Phil trusts you? "With his flegdlings." Fit's eyes go a little wide at that. "Damn with his kids too?" he mumbled. "Alongside himself and his partner, of course." He smiles slightly at that. Well, it'd be nice to have company again. "Good, I suggest you rest, warrior. Tomorrow is going to be hard." Fit's stomach rumbled again, this time with enough resolve to make him wince. Uh.. can I- Not even a second later, a vine grows from the cracks of the stone, followed by another and another. The next thing Fit knows, there are over a dozen vines forcing a hole through the wall until they suddenly stop. Fit looks into it and notices that it is right next to a chest. He hesitates but sticks his arm through and opens it. When he reaches inside it's met with warmth. Something warm but solid. Soft but firm? "What the-" He pulls his arm back and in his hand is a loaf of bread, one that looks to be fresh from the oven.

For the first time since he got here, he smiles. If he could he would jump for joy right now. Thank you, Rose! A chuckle follows.

#qsmp fitmc #fitmc #philza lore #Philza rose #hardcore rose

19 notes · View notes

perplexingluciddreams · 7 days

Text

Two times of big progress that I am proud of!

(Plus some amount of ramble and probably repetition… sorry!)

On Saturday, best friend came over to the house! And we did even more than just wave from bedroom door!! They come in and sit in my room (and lie on floor XD) and we chat and hang out. It was really really nice. Lots of nostalgia and love to hear a familiar safe person voice. And I missed their smell - it is the same.

At same time - have body reaction of tense all muscles and feel anxious. Like “protection mechanism”. Because years of feel scared and unsafe all the time around People. I have to work very hard to unteach my body those reactions. And teach that I am safe now and not danger.

It is harder to do, because of way brain makes connections and memories links. And relate certain people/places/sounds/voices/smells, etc. with memory of how body felt at that particular time.

Emotions I don’t recognise, so it is all about body feelings for me. Tense muscles all over, a lot sweaty, movements clumsy and impulsive, tummy uncomfy, squeezy chest and throat, fingers pick and pull and clench and never still, teeth clench need to bite, lick and bite lips, tongue curl up and always moving, etc. etc. etc.

The connections are so strong. It is hard to “override”.

Nevertheless, I am proud. I am very brave. I work so so hard to overcome brain barriers. And this is a HUGE achievement for that. BIG step in the right direction. I try so hard. Mum says I am brave and she is proud.

*******

On Wednesday, it is another Emily (support worker) day! I did very well and had a lot of time with her in my room. We played card (with Mum also) a bit, and watched some musicals bootlegs! Second half-ish of Heathers, and first half of Mean Girls!! Next week we will finish it.

I also did some sewing at the same time as watching (/listening). Emily say it is very neat and intricate! 😁

Here is messages I write to Mum after Emily leave: I am happy. Also tired and muscles sore from automatic body reaction of tense. But at the end I started to get focused almost fully on the watching, so I relaxed a tiny bit. Because I was not having full focus on just Person. It will take a long time to break down that body response… but it is all steps in the right direction! I laughed and smiled a lot - partly from anxiety but it is also funny and makes me happy. And also was relaxed enough that I had automatic happy stims, instead of such amount tense body that I am frozen.

What I mean in message about “focus on Person” is: because of anxiety and years of around unsafe bad people (and unsafe and environments in general), I have “survival mode” where brain puts all focus on just protect myself from Danger. Except now, it is no danger. But still, it makes me put all attention to the Person there (no matter who), and be so so careful about what I do, how I do it, careful not draw attention to myself, not “annoy” or “bother” (because that means bad consequences in past).

It is like fight/flight/freeze. I used to live in that state almost every second of my life.

When I finally feel relaxed/safe enough, my attention goes fully to the thing I watch/listen/read/do. And go into my natural mind bubble state. Only focus is on one thing, like mental tunnel vision. (It is not quite as intense as hyperfocus - that is more extreme). It means I forget People is there (sounds bad, but actually just means I am not in fight/flight/freeze response).

I think I probably seem less attentive/aware when I am not in “Survival Mode”. And maybe seem like less interaction. That is because I have tiny more control over body when I feel safe and relaxed. Less automatic body response, less unintentional reaction, less immediate impulsive etc. etc. More able to wait until I process - then true response.

It is hard to explain to people that some things that look like they “get worse” on outside, is actually sign of Good Stuff happen for brain/body. And if there is different behaviour now compared to childhood, that is not bad - in fact opposite!

Anyway, I am starting to get closer to that level of relaxed with Emily (and best friend). It will take a LOT more time, but I am proud of the progress.

#words from my head #autism #autistic #nonverbal #nonspeaking #brain barriers #loud brain #trauma #fight flight freeze fawn

8 notes · View notes

compassionatereminders · 14 days

Note

Hey same anon who has the narcotic plants special interest. I am sorry for a long ask I wanted to tell you a brief story that you may find funny or sad. Or sad but funny. I once took an edible with my 2 cousins, it was 300 mg so we split it in 3, this was not a problem for me in the past so i take approx 100 mg.

Unbeknownst to any of us, this was artificial/synthetic THC We had gone to the movies to watch Pirates of the Caribbean, we thought it would be fun to watch while high. Something in the artificial THC kind of cramped my brain. And by half way through the movie I was practically blind from how high I was. This was extremely unusual and my cousins were having strange reactions as well, one fell asleep and was unconscious through the loudest movie ever and my other cousin was *ravenously* hungry, like, more than you get with munchies. She said she felt like she was starving and no matter what she ate it couldnt satiate her for like 48 hours

For me though, I'm on psych meds. Antipsychotics, anti depressants, catalysts, and things for neurological problems which of course includes POTS and vasovagal syncope. Anyway I decide to head out first before my family because I was half aware that I was severely impaired and I was in heels so i needed to see if i could walk straight and not right in front of my grandmother, we didnt want our grandmother to find out (it wasn't legal here in CA yet) I head out of the theater and as i walk through the door, boom vasovagal response. Luckily I can tell when blood pressure drops so i know it's going to happen so I sat down and put my head between my knees. that's the last thing I remember, but i was going in and out of consciousness and while unconscious, it felt like endlessly falling backwards. I was only aware of my thoughts for brief moments of clarity when I would wake up, but i would just pass out again I do remember hearing the paramedics, when we arrived at the hospital, mocked me and said "i couldnt handle a little edible" They did a bunch of tests and basically found that the edible's artificial THC was something actually ridiculous like my portion was the equivalent of 1,500mg of THC

Apparently during the time I was unconscious I was screaming (constricted vocal chords) and crying uncontrollably and proceeded to have a pretty bad seizure. I was high from this for like a week straight and it wasnt the fun kind. It was the hangover type of high like, super bad headache, makes you feel like shit, tired, ugh i hated that feeling.

BUT! This event Gave me a super power It made me immune to edibles. At least THC edibles. I am dead serious. I was afraid to try edibles again after this event but i went through with 50 mg.... nothing. 100 mg.... nothing. 150mg.... nothing. I dosed myself like this, waiting for it to kick in and it never would. So i decided to use a tincture to see how long it took until I felt something. I gave up at 800 mg, I felt nothing, and im p sure 800 is enough to make someone uncomfortably high. it just. Doesnt work for me anymore So. I have to inhale THC to get high now. I try to stick to dab pens but theyre no better on your lungs than smoking marijuana. I hope this doesnt seem like trauma dumping or anything! i just wanted to share my superpower and story as well as maybe a warning for others if this is posted. Anyway, so sorry to ramble, have the best night/day/afternoon you can <3

Wow, I'm really sorry you had to go through that shitshow! I have had Too Much Edible on several occasions, but never anything that extreme. Who the fuck even WANTS weed to do that kind of shit?! 😭

#chat with kat #drugs tw #health risk tw #overdose tw #weed tw

7 notes · View notes

selfproclaimedunicorn · 21 days

Note

Stannis + Helaena - getting to know you

After months I finally got something! I hope it's good, lol

Stannis had never been quite so aware of his hands and arms before. Everything he could do with them felt so conspicuous, and all he wanted was to appear as casual and confident as his lord father or Uncle Robert. No, not Uncle Robert, that was asking too much. He finally settled on clasping his hands behind his back, which was inconspicuous and chivalrous enough, and glanced at Helaena from the corner of his eye as she walked next to him.

Her hair practically blended in with the cream of her loose fitting dress, curls falling over her shoulder to meld with her skin and the draping cotton. She was much more focused on the dirt she was scraping from underneath her nails than him, and truthfully Stannis was grateful for it. She would not notice how awkward he was this way.

“Are you going to say anything?”

He startled when she finally spoke, nearly tripping over his own feet. He heard Helaena snicker from just behind him, and his cheeks heated so much he could not stand to look back at her and show the fullness of his flushing. Some of it was probably visible though, and it made Stannis curse the decision to wear his hair shorter.

“I, um, I am sorry, Helaena. I am more anxious than I thought I would be.”

“Going for a walk was your idea.”

“I know.”

Silence followed, and he reluctantly turned around. Helaena’s expression was expectant, and her purple eyes, much lighter than his, seemed to bore into the very core of his being. Stannis flexed his hands, keeping his arms at his sides this time as he tried to gather his thoughts. It was hard to be articulate when he had not prepared for it.

“We have always been friends, you know, after we met because of Uncle Aemon’s tourney, but things are different now.”

“Why is anything different?”

“We’re betrothed now!”

“So?”

“So…so…so it just is different! You are a woman grown and I am almost a man. I thought we should get reacquainted, but actually being alone made me nervous.” Stannis’s voice grew softer and softer as he spoke, turning to a full mumble as he looked down at his feet. It mattered now that he had started noticing how pretty Helaena was, that it heated his cheeks each time he thought about how nice she was or about the sound of her laugh, that her hair smelled nicer than most anything else and he wanted to bury his face in it to be overwhelmed by her. He toed at the ground, digging an unimpressive rut into the grass until his cousin’s skirts swished into view. Her closeness loomed over him, no matter how much taller than her he was, and it forced him to look up at her again.

“Do you still like history and knights and stories?” Helaena's tone was matter-of-fact, her words half real question and half point she was trying to make that at the moment eluded him. Stannis blinked back his confusion, silent as she, once again, l looked at him expectantly.

“Obviously I do. I mean, knights are maybe slightly less exciting than when I was younger since my own knighthood will be happening in less than two years, but it is still one of the only things I have ever truly wanted…” his rambling trailed off as a satisfied smile subtly pulled up the corners of his cousin’s mouth, the meaning behind her question finally hitting him now that he'd begun dumping information onto her; just like they'd both always done since long before either of them had started to grow up. Stannis cleared his throat, and pivoted away from his prattling about knighthood before it could turn into a full speech, even if she probably would have happily listened to it.

“Do you still like bugs and embroidery and all the stories I would tell you?”

“Obviously, because we are not so changed that we have become different people. Nothing has to be terribly different than it was before we were betrothed.”

“I suppose not…and-and we've time to figure out what will be different.”

“At least two years.”

“Right,” there was no need to get impatient or overly concerned with it right now, “um, Helaena, do you-do you still want to go for a walk?”

“We are already out here, we might as well make use of Lady Shireen’s gardens.”

With an only slightly unsure smile, Stannis held out his arm, eyes gently questioning as he watched her. Helaena looked at his arm for a moment, quietly contemplating before hooking her hand in the crook of his elbow. Her fingers idly rubbed against the golden yellow velvet of his sleeve, she'd always liked velvet. Stannis’s grin widened; it was true that he noticed how pretty Helaena was now, but everything was still comfortable and familiar and he could try to not be impatient about the exciting, terrifying unknown of change.

“Will you tell me about Ser Serwyn of the Mirror Shield again? I always liked that one.”

“Of course,” there was a light, undercurrent of laughter under Stannis’s words, “and after you can tell me about the white mantis your grandsire had pinned for you.”

#asks #nat tag #i havent had to do much with helaena yet & she has an abysmal amount of screentime #(also im out in the weeds with her bc i am COMPLETELY altering her trajectory)#(but i feel decent about this)#(just gotta slowly get comfy with gen 2)#my writing #oc: stannis royce

7 notes · View notes

theneighborhoodwatch · 10 months

Note

another thought/question/invitation to ramble! I was wondering if you have any thoughts on the TV interview clip? There's a lot going on in there in terms of it being, as far as I remember, the only content of "past Wally" we have interacting face-to-face with a Physical Human Person so far. But specifically...am I the only one who is Really Weirded Out by the host asking Wally about his love life? Just the tone and the way he chuckles afterwards hit my arospec autistic brain right in the "no no no no bad" zone because like!!

it's not Bad to think about children show's characters in romantic relationships! Wally is an adult. He's a very childish person, but he's a grown man who could very well talk about and share his experiences in that department, as it were. But it's the context of this being like the first thing the man asks him combined with how confused and Uncomfortable Wally sounds until Barnaby comes on stage. Like why is the first thing this guy wants to know about this little puppet "hey are you dating anyone?". why not ask him about oh I dunno, how he's adjusting to the "celebrity lifestyle", or ask about his hobbies outside of painting or whatever else he does on the show?

Why did this man see a little puppet and instantly jump to asking about who he is smooching or getting dirty with. It's just such! an odd thing! by far the most subtly unsettling part of the site so far and I'd Love to hear your thoughts on it, if any

(so sorry if this was a rambley mess :" )

that's funny, i feel like i was one of the only people who Wasn't all that bothered by that? like, it's definitely not an interview question i would have thought to ask wally, especially as an opener (although it does sound like they had been talking for a while beforehand before rick was like "SO WHO ARE YOU MACKIN' ON") but in in-character interviews for the muppets (which this recording was very clearly a reference to) they did actually ask about the characters' love lives quite a bit, ESPECIALLY kermit's, regardless of whether or not it would have been considered a little trashy to ask the same of human celebrities.

i do think the whole interview serves to highlight how much wally is... Not a kermit-like, though (at least, not the way kermit was characterized in the 70s.) wally isn't really one for dry wit or discussing the intricacies of show biz; pretty much all of his lines in that interview seem like either him just saying what he thinks and then playing along when the audience thinks he's doing a bit OR him falling back on a script when he doesn't know what to say/has learned that A Specific Phrase tends to go over well with people. and yeah, obviously it reads a lot like a Hashtag Autism And/Or Acearospec Moment, but it's also kind of what i mean when i propose the question "is it that the wally we see now is that different from the one we see in official welcome home media in-universe, or is it just that his situation has gotten much worse since welcome home's heyday?" (assuming we're operating on the terms of linear time and not any extradimensional bullfuckery like the "welcome home may not have even Existed" theory would suggest.) wally may be aware that welcome home is a show, or at least that it was created for Us, but it's also his whole life. that's a lot to grapple with, especially in the middle of a conversation with someone who only really seems to acknowledge the first half of that sentence. of course, it's likely that this is because rick doesn't actually know that wally is sentient/aware/what have you; like as far as he's concerned, he's just doing a really good bit with the guy puppeteering wally, but that depends on whether or not anyone knows who the puppeteer is, and that's something we don't have enough info to get into right now. but like, obvious metaphor for subtle dehumanization is obvious, right?

#sunlitmcgee #ask #wh speculation #welcome home #wally darling

49 notes · View notes

callmeklair · 8 months

Text

declaration

Chapter three

“do you wanna practice dancing with me at my house?”

- Yui’s Classroom, Ryoutei Academy :

"Kyaaa! Did you all see the notice board!? The annual prom is coming up, and it's going to be more lavish and exquisite this time than last years’." A female student exclaimed while talking to her other friends, who had surrounded themselves around her bench in a circle. Yui, who was sitting just beside them, heard their squealing.

‘Prom...huh’ She has never attended a prom before as she was raised in church and went to some religious schools in her childhood. She wanted to attend it, yet at the same time not. One, because of her inexperience in dance, she doubts she won’t step on her partner’s or someone else's foot and second, will she even be able to find an escort? Well some boys have come here and there to her, but that was only for notes, nothing else. And as for Sakamakis and Mukamis, these both families’ boys are popular among girls, especially Sakamakis and Kou Mukami.

‘Never mind, I won’t attend. In fact I can stay home and study for my finals, rather than wasting time on something I can't even do.’

“Komori-san! What do you think? Are you gonna join?” The female student who was screaming excitedly about this whole prom thing, asked Yui.

“Huh? Oh no. I am not good at dancing and I would rather study and prepare for my finals by sitting at home. My maths is weak, so it’s a good opportunity.” With a smile she gave the student an honest answer and continued reading the book she borrowed from the library a few days ago.

“Oh no no no Yui. Prom is not all about dance, you know. There are many more things to do. Like best dress award, music, chatting, taking photos, having some time with your love- i mean friends. And on top of that, there will be so much food! It’s the most refreshing thing ever. You should give it a try.” The girl pleaded with Yui after rambling about the pros of attending prom as the blonde woman can’t do anything but shake her head and said she will think about it. Yui’s answer made the hope in the latter girl’s eyes sparkle and she introduced herself as Aria.

After the first half of classes ended, Yui headed towards the rooftop to eat her snacks as it was recess time now. Aria, actually, pestered Yui to join her but she declined as she wanted to spend her time alone.

"Should I participate?" Yui mumbled to herself.

"Participate in what?"

'Huh!?' a voice questioned back her mumbling.

When she turned her head around, she saw fluttering pink hair in the air, coming towards her.

"Shin-kun? What are you doing here?"

"Hmm? I asked a question first."

…

"Oh! Sorry Shin. I was thinking about whether I should participate in prom or not. I don't know how to dance. Even though it's not all about dance, one way or another I gotta dance if someone asks me. So I was just pondering on that."

When Yui looked up, she swears she didn’t mistake out his widened eyes, only if it was for a nanosecond.

"Prom? They are like balls right?" Shin asked, bending down to sit beside her.

"Uh-yeah that only."

"I can dance."

"Huh? You mean, you are gonna attend, shin-kun?"

"Yeah, just that, I was thinking of taking you as my partner because I am a new student and don't know anyone but now you are saying you might not participate so I doubt it now."

"You shouldn't change your decision just because of me."

"And why shouldn't I?"

"Are you really going to be happy to have me as your dance partner?”

"...what?" Yui's voiced out fear made shin surprised and confused at the same time

"I mean, haha, I can't dance and not only that I'm not a good socializing person, plus I don't have any noble etiquettes and manners. You are aware of the fact that this school is where high class people attend and that is why the prom is all about noble life." She tried to reason out her words.

– "Dad! Dad! Dad! Will you take me to the zoo today? You promised last week." a little, seven years old, Yui asks her dad, who is seen to be working on some 'church' paperwork.

– "of course I will! After all I promised." he said while offering his pinky out, which Yui gladly intertwined with hers.

– "Really?! Thank you so much dad, I love you!"

– By the next few hours, Yui and her dad were seen to be travelling around the zoo, watching various animals and feeding them. Her dad held her up, high, on his shoulders to make it easier for her to see through the huge crowd.

– She has always cherished moments like this with her dad, who have done everything possible for her in her childhood.

– But when the truth about her unknown birth was revealed in the Sakamaki mansion, she was broken.

– Did he abandon her in a place filled with blood thirsty because she wasn't his child and becoming a burden, the more she grew up?

– Were those memories, that she cherished the most from her young age, fake? Did he create those memories with her so that he isn't guilty later?

– It's… awful.

"...ui? Yui? Yui?!"

A distant voice brought her back from her idle state.

"What's wrong? You look pale?" Shin said as he brought his hand up to check her temperature.

"It's nothing! I'm just feeling under the weather because of overwork... maybe? I'll go and visit the infirmary." Yui didn't allow his hand to reach her and stood up in a hurry, trying to dash off. Her head was throbbing. Very badly. Her eyes were burning.

"Yui- wait." He caught her hand in a hurry which resulted in both of them losing their balance and falling on each other. Yui above Shin. Their faces inches away. Noses nearly touching.

Sherbet met golden and a spark of light tinged within both of them.

"Are you okay!? I'm really sorry for this." Shin apologized and Yui stood up, blushing crazily.

"I-im okay."

"Um… so…"

"...?"

"Yeah I wanted to ask, do you wanna practice dancing with me at my house?"

"What?"

"You heard that. I am asking you to come and p-practice dancing with me." He turned his head around, coughing a little.

Meanwhile Yui just looked at him like he had gone crazy. Practice dancing with her? Is he serious!? No one has ever asked her something like this. Should she go?

"I'll tell you by tomorrow" with that she ran to her class and avoided all possibilities to meet with Shin for the whole day, until she reached home.

– Yui's room, Sakamaki mansion:

'Is he crazy or something? Asking me to come to his house to practice dancing!?'

"Arghhhhh!" Yui shouted, while covering her screams with a pillow on her face. She didn't have any problem with all these, but she is not sure if the people who are protecting her from the so-called founders would allow it. Even if they do, one of them will secretly spy.

She doesn't want to depend on them for her every decision and her movements of freedom. She doesn't want to rely on them, but no matter how strong willed she sounds they won't let it happen.

To be honest, at first, she really wanted to attend prom and dance, which she has never done. She is very excited about it. Even though she can't dance, she would have spent her time eating and roaming around but there would've been no one to talk with her. So she gave up the idea.

But now…

Aria's sweet excited smile flashed through Yui's mind and Shin's proposal for practicing dance together so they can go to prom together as partners.

She has reasons to go now. At least two-three reasons.

"Ugh! Eugh! Argh!" Yui screamed again and this time instead of hiding her voice through a pillow, she hit it in frustration.

"Why are you harassing that pillow??!" A low groan came from beside Yui.

"Yuma?"

"You forgot '-kun'"

"I-" in frustration, she forgot to put honorifics and she couldn't care less about it.

"Anyways, why were you hitting that pillow, huh?"

"Don't tell me…" yui stammered.

"Yeah yeah, I saw everything." Yuma blurted out.

"oh no-" Yui blushed as she realised that Yuma saw her childish tantrum.

"You still didn't answer my question?"

"Uh that… I was just thinking about some stuff?"

"Some stuff ya' say" his tone sounded like he didn't believe her words. But what can Yui say, she wasn't actually being truthful nor was she totally lying.

"You know you can be very honest with me. I won't tell anyone."

That's some change in Yuma's attitude Yui saw. He is not that straightforward or open with his words. And today he is telling Yui to…

"It's nothing, I was just thinking about the upcoming prom."

"Oh, something like that exists."

Yui takes a deep breath trying to calm herself down and not to answer back with sarcasm but it fails.

"Yes it does." She gave out a bright smile, her eyes closed in a crescent moon form. Shining rays radiating from her, giving out sarcastic vibes.

"Anyways. So, what did that have to do with that innocent pillow's harassment."

"I don't know how to dance..."

"Still don't reason out?"

"One of my friends told me to visit their home to practice dancing."

"You have friends?"

"Yeah I do. Just made a few a while ago in school."

"Oi! Don't think I'm being sarcastic and get offended. I'm just saying that it's good. At least you won't be lonely anymore…" he mumbled the last part to himself.

"....?" Yui looked at him with confusion.

"So? What's the problem with that?"

"You know already. I won't be allowed to go anywhere by you people."

"Well I won't deny that"

"At least give me freedom of choices for just once. Just once. It's just visiting a friend's house for practice."

"Who is that friend of yours?"

Shoot. Yui didn't know how she would reply to that. Both the families have been vary of the two new transferred students.

"Someone"

"Someone who?"

"..."

"…"

"..."

"Are you hiding something?"

“You know what, nevermind. I think I should rather study than to attend prom.” with a sullen look she tried to shoo off Yuma. but it was already too late.

“Hey…”

She glanced up and,

“If you wanna, then you can go. Just for this once okay. And if you notice anything suspicious, then do send ya’ live location through that smartphone we gave you.”

Her eyes sparkled, patting her own back in her mind for succeeding in using her puppy tactic.

“Really!? Thank you so much!”

In the end, she finally got her freedom. She can finally go somewhere with her free will without being kept an eye on and with no fear.

#diabolik lovers #yui komori #dialovers #komori yui #diabolik lovers fandom #diabolik lovers yui #shin tsukinami #shin x yui #yuma mukami #yui x yuma #diabolik lovers fanfic #diabolik lovers fanfiction

15 notes · View notes

jerzwriter · 1 year

Text

PSA...

I have struggled with if I should share this or not. I changed my mind many times over the past 16 hours, but it will likely eat at me if I don't... and I want to get out of this headspace. Then, I want to go back to doing what I came here for. Because right now, I'm so disgusted. I truly want no part of this shit ever again.

Like most of you, I am here for a love of a story and characters and because I found joy in reading/writing and sharing with you. As time went on, I stayed because of a community found. We have some of the loveliest, kindest souls in this fandom. I've always said 1% of the fandom caused 99% percent of the problems.

Consider these lessons learned. Mistakes made. Things I've witnessed. Things I've had done to me, and some that I've done. Ramblings... a wish list I never expect to be realized. I do think you can enjoy your time here; because 90% of the time, I do. But to do so, you have had to tune out the noise, check your ego, use mirrors, and focus on the few people that make your time here magical. People who remember why we came here to begin with. For those people, I'm so grateful. You're half the reason I'm still here.

Anon hate is best deleted.

I'm going to share an interesting link later; not shocking...but shocking. It's best deleted. It took me a long time to learn that, but that's what I do now. It's what I did last night. But I have to ask... does everyone who sends nasty, hateful shit anonymously end with, "And people wonder why the fandom is dying?" YEAH! Because of YOU! lol Self-awareness is a good thing. It boggles my mind how people do horrible things (and sending anon hate is always a horrible thing) and somehow feel they're righteous. Babes, if you think you were treated unjustly, speak with your full face and let your voice be heard. Sorry, anon hate is ALWAYS childish, pathetic, and wrong.

Fandom Divison.

I think it is SO FUCKED UP. And the fact that the majority of us are grown-ass adults makes it 10 times worse, but after nearly 2 years here, I can say it's new, and I don't see it changing. I used to want to help fix it, but I no longer think it's worth the effort, and trying can honestly even make things worse. Too many are in love with the chaos. Too many people hate too many others for the most ridiculous reasons, it's not going to stop.

I'm well aware when I start an event, a good number of people won't participate solely because it's me running it. Hell, many people here won't share their bestie's profile if they're highlighted on a side blog Kathy & I run because Kathy & I run it. That's not a poor me moment, not only because I don't care but because I know I'm not alone. As wrong as it is, everyone deals with it.

I want you to read this because it's important:

I do not know one person on this hellsite that has started a fandom event that has NOT gotten at least some hate for it.

Read that again, just for trying to do something nice. It takes a thick skin to "survive," it shouldn't be this way in a place we come to have fun, but sadly, it does.

Some advice:

Everyone - and I mean everyone - me included... we're not mindreaders. If you are, stop wasting your time here and go profit off that shit. That anon you got? You are SO SURE you know who it is? You don't. I mean, you might be right... but with the way people play games here? There is a good chance you don't. I've done this shit myself. When I'm wrong, I say it, and I learn from it. And this is a lesson learned. Unless you're tracking that IP, baby, you don't know. And if you do start tracking IPs, fasten up... you're going to be in for some shocks... and not the good kind.

STOP the hypocrisy. You don't get to have a minor meltdown and put someone on the do not engage/enemy for life list because their cousin in a fandom 3 times removed is using a FC that you used once in 2017... and their cousin has no clue... then a month later defend your BFF when they do the same thing. If you slam someone because their MC got a cat, because your MC got a cat first (and clearly, you're the ONLY one in the fandom whose MC can have a cat <- sarcasm) don't get pissed when someone thinks you had your MC get married at Christmas just because they did it first. Maybe, in addition to stopping the hypocrisy, we should start giving others the benefit of the doubt? If we expect it, then maybe we should give it, too. Again, this applies to all... even me... so stop playing the fandom's favorite game of "I know who she's talking about." Trust. You don't.

Stop worrying about other people's HCs. None of our characters are real, but the people behind them are. Don't like their ideas? You don't have to. The world doesn't exist to please any of us. Please learn what fandom is. We're here to make canon our own. Don't like it? Don't read it. Don't like someone? Don't interact with them. But don't send them hate. Don't tell others they can't befriend them. Just ... be an adult.

If you want to read someone, read them. Want to reblog? Do it. Afraid someone will be pissed about it? Fuck them, and you really may want to consider if you want them in your orbit if they are putting this pressure on you. For the record, I will never give a shit about who anyone reads or doesn't read... this wasn't a life lesson... this is one I've always known, and can't believe we're so petty about here.

Lose the goddamn victim complexes... and to those who are dealing with people with victim complexes... watch closely. That shit's not normal. And don't waste your precious time trying to convince people of who you are. Be genuine. Be direct (god, we need more of that here), and be yourself. Everyone won't like you, and that's ok because the ones who should be around you will.

I wrote this to get it off my chest. I'll probably delete it later. I don't want comments. I set it so it can't be reblogged. If people want to share it... TRUST this fandom knows how to screenshot VERY well. I'll make them work for it.

I'm just so sick and fucking tired of the nonsense here... aren't you?

#fandom bullshit #personal #will delete #at somepoint #just over it

28 notes · View notes

spinebr3akr · 2 years

Text

The Beginning of the Rest of Your Life- 1

A/N- Wow what the fuck. I’m posting this. I really hope somebody reads this and likes it. I have so many plans for my Tumblr and this is just the beginning. Additional comments at the end.

Warnings- 18+ Y/N IS 18 YEARS OLD!!! No underage stuff because that’s so fucking weird and I don’t think Eddie would be okay with that, Fluff I guess, Smut (Eventually. Additional warnings will be included in chapters.) Angst?, Cursing, She/Her pronouns

Summary- Eddie noticed you first, but you never wanted to look away when you saw him. You missed your friends from the last two years, but maybe change was what you needed and Eddie was offering you what you wanted.

........................................................................................................................

Eddie glanced across the cafeteria as you walked to the table you sat at every day. He noticed the little details today. He couldn't help but notice the way your black slip dress hugged your curved hips or how the lacy hem rode up your thighs when you took another step.

Your feet carried you to the farthest table from the exits, head bobbing to the music blasting through your headphones as you stared down at the cold food on your tray. You sat down at the half-full table when your knees knocked into an empty chair. You were about to lower your head to rest on the table, you became fully aware of all of the eyes that were on you now. Your head shot up and you looked around at all of the boys. They were all wearing the same shirts with big bold letters that read, "Hellfire Club." You looked at Mike and Dustin, their eyes just as wide as your own.

You scowled at Mike, your mood immediately souring when you remembered all of the adventures the old friend group went on. And you still remember when Will and El moved to Lenora, Mike left you on the first day of high school to suffer alone. Now halfway through the school year, you kept to yourself and occasionally spoke to Dustin in the halls of Hawkins High.

You heard a cough from the end of the cafeteria table, your head immediately turning at the sound. You first saw sparkling brown eyes, defined facial features, and plush pink lips. Your eyes then darted to the mop of dark brown, wavy curls. Your brain immediately formed images of your fingers gripping the loose strands but you shook your head. He was familiar and you remembered the times he would shout at the top of his lungs or walk across the tables, confronting the assholes of the school or shouting at and chasing teachers out of the cafeteria. You even remembered the moments when he would stick his tongue out at Jason, making the jock sit down in embarrassment. You even remembered laughing at his antics, a rare oddity from you after Mike, Dustin, Lucas, and Max ditched you.

"I am so sorry. I'll leave now," you shouted, rambling. You paused the cassette that was clipped onto your waistband. You scrambled to grab your backpack, but you were stopped by a gentle voice.

"It's ok. You can stay," Eddie rushed out. He wanted you to stay because he had been waiting to talk to you for half of the school year. "What's your name?"

Although hesitant, you whispered your name for only the table to hear. You wanted to talk to Eddie, but now that the moment arrived, you couldn't form the words you wanted to. Your hands were shaking and your heart was beating faster than you were used to.

"Nice to meet you," Eddie replied instantly, "Tell me. What's playing on that fresh cassette of yours."

"I'm listening to Ozzy right now, but I created my own mix a while ago," you replied, more confident this time. Eddie immediately perked up, eyes widening slightly at the name of the artist. Eddie's positive attitude made you comfortable enough to finally speak.

"Amazing music taste. Just Ozzy? Or do you have some other bands that I might know?" Eddie pressed further. Your heart was still beating fast, but Eddie's eagerness to talk to you excited you for the first time in months.

"Ozzy, Black Sabbath, Metallica, some others," you felt like you were returning to your natural confident self, shoulders straightening out and head perking up.

"Perfect. Just amazing," Eddie praised, "I have a proposition for you."

"A proposition? What, you gonna ask me to join your D&D club?" You were shocked at the amount of sass you just gave Eddie, but you were also hoping that was his offer.

"Yeah, actually. I was. You a witch reading my mind?" Eddie joked and you couldn't help but scoff sarcastically.

"Stop it, Eddie!" Mike dramatically cut in. You gasped at his sudden outburst, confused as to why your ex-best friend suddenly ignored your existence. "She can't play the game. Besides, adding her to the party now wouldn't make sense. We're too far in the game."

"Actually," Dustin cut in, "we can add her because we have room for one more member."

Your tense shoulders were relaxed as you turned from Dustin, your savior from ultimate embarrassment, to Mike, who was sulking in his chair, to Eddie who leaned on his forearm.

"So," Eddie decided, "it's final. You join the party as long as you provide bangin' music for the campaigns." Your eyes lit up, your heart soaring through the sky as you stared at Eddie's lips while he spoke. You reached your hand out to connect it with Eddie's waiting palm. When your palms and fingers made contact, you swore you could feel a surge of electricity shoot through your skin from the cold metal of his rings and the soft skin of his hand. "Welcome to Hellfire Club."

Your lips spread into a wide grin as all of the members, except for Mike, clapped you gently on your shoulder. The bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period. You jumped up and walked next to Eddie, listening to his gentle voice drone on and on about the rules and schedule of the club. You felt ecstatic that finally spoke to the 20-year-old graduate. When you made it to your math door, you stopped. Eddie looked down at you and when you gestured to the wooden door, he let out a long, dramatic sigh.

"I guess you'll just have to listen to me talk about D&D later," Eddie said, a short, beautiful, and symphonic laugh punctuating his sentence.

"I'm looking forward to it Eddie," you whispered, hand extending again for another shake. You watched as Eddie sauntered off, white reeboks squeaking slightly against the shiny, polished floors. "Wow," you whispered, "I fucking did that."

.....................................................................................................................

A/N- Wow wow wow I hope people who read this enjoy it. I would love to continue this and write even more. Also please let me know if I can change anything. Thanks so much for all of the support. Much love, Spinebr3aker.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie the freak munson #eddie munson #stranger things #eddie my love #hellfire club

68 notes · View notes

writingway-in-writinghell · 1 year

Note

I just want to say, I appreciate your highlighting of the way people of colour expressing discomfort with how Nate and Shandy have been handled is often being ignored by this fandom. It may not be intentional, but all these written interactions are so charged, and excluding Nate, one of the most important characters in the show, from half the episodes of the season while at the same time bringing the character that made his life so unpleasant to the forefront, has so not been sitting well with me. Having him have to “earn” the right to be treated like a person is gross. And Shandy…the offloading of all the problems associated with her hiring onto her, rather than acknowledging Keeley’s failures; the treatment of her as a joke; the way Keeley makes more of an active effort to connect with Jack than she has all season with the “underlings”…it feels like an intersection of racism and classism, and I am just not feeling it at all. Anyway, sorry for the ramble, I just wanted to say, I appreciate you emphasizing the need to believe us when we call out things about this story.

Thank you for your message, anon, and the added nuance to this topic. It’s something I can’t word quite as well, surely due to my own bias as a white European, and the credit for bringing it to my attention lies solely with good folks like you who point this stuff out. <3

See, I didn’t even think of Jamie’s and Colin’s arcs in relation to Nate’s here. I think Jamie’s is a very important story to tell, to show audiences how toxic men were once boys suffering under violent fathers, and how hard it is to break that cycle; and I also love the young queer/queer elder friendship we’re getting. But I also have to… kinda ignore at what cost we’re getting both if I want to take this direction in as it is.

It is jarring to think back on the Richmond team walking out of that tunnel and glaring at Nate like that. There is no compassion. No reflection on what they did to HIM. Only the expectation that he should be thankful that they… stopped bullying him??? That’s fucked up.

And look, I am STILL holding out hope that they’ll somehow address this, that they’ll give Nate the chance to heal from the *Richmond* trauma. He lashed out against Ted in an attempt to get back at Richmond as a whole, I think, and no wonder! How many years has he suffered the abuse coming from Jamie and Colin before Ted came along? How long have the others just watched? Is this a result of Rupert’s management, the toxic coach they had before? Why not address that?!

I think the focus is just way off this season. I wanted to see how Nate deals with the aftermath, and the first few episodes delved right in, even adding Shandy as a mirror to Nate’s arc!

Only to drop it in favor for a narrative that serves us white queer folks, on of which was Nate’s bully. And like. God. I am so conflicted because the AIDS epidemic wasn’t even that long ago! Gay men are still very much struggling. Queer people are still ostracized. There’s a genocide on trans people on its way. I’m queer myself and love what they did in the last episode.

But shouldn’t there be room for ALL of us? Especially, you know, people of color who are also very much still dying at the hands of other white people? What stopped them from doing Keeley/Shandy, for example? Why must it be her white skinny rich boss? (I mean. We know why, right.) There’s so much room for more, and in light of the things they DO get down SO WELL, it’s especially frustrating because the writers seem like they should be aware of these societal issues.

Well. You see me rambling as well now, anon. Goes to show how hard it is to discuss this all in a nuanced manner, especially since I’m lacking so much context myself.

But yeah, this is why we can’t just pick people of color for the roles we write and then change nothing about their arcs. Intersectionality and CRT needs to be mandatory at writing schools if you ask me.

#sasha answers #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #ted lasso critical #my spouse pointed out that shandy might return #and I’m still holding out hope that jack is called out with her classims and thinly-veiled racism #but the little things are piling up and make it hard to trust tbh #idk man. I love this show. but the first 5 episodes just felt off #like a completely different show

9 notes · View notes

enjolras-out · 2 years

Note

What do you think about this most recent update? (You don't have to answer if you're busy.)

I am so busy! But not too busy for update!! Thank you for the ask! I have SO many thoughts… here are some:

Hyrule! He comes across as so tough and confident, teasing and pushing Twi and refusing to let him give up. Especially based on the previous update, I’m pretty sure his bravado is an act – he’s putting on a brave face to try and give Twi that tiny bit extra moral support but we already know he feels helpless and doesn’t know what to do but he’s TRYING. Being able to see the character development between the earliest doodles where he’s so insecure about his place in the group and here, where he deliberately takes a leading position in this scene both physically and emotionally, is amazing!

(there was a tiny part of me that was kinda hoping he'd get in on the hurt/comfort by exhausting himself trying to heal Twilight but that was nodded to by the stamina potion thing and also it would have messed up the focus of the scene... so fair enough. I can wait a little longer for my Hyrule angst)

I was actually super close to making a post analyzing/exploding about that one BOTW flashback panel where Wild is climbing the cliff but then I realized I was the only one who cared about how Jojo actually makes the fun but totally ridiculous BOTW climbing style look like it would actually work and ALSO drew his right hand in an excellent half crimp and ALSO how you can see his fingers are literally bleeding and this is super realistic especially when you consider the sheer size of those cliff-faces. I love how she depicted so well the visceral effort it would actually take to climb one and I guess now I’ve sort of made the post. Sorry. Rambling.

That moment at the end where Time claps Wild’s shoulder is so beautiful. Wild looks like he’s not sure whether Time’s going to tell him off and then Time just says ‘thank you’ and Wild looks so happy. The kind of passing of the torch from Time to Twilight to Wild just gives me all the emotions.

And LEGEND. Cradling his hat like a comfort blanket. And reminding Twilight they’ve got to go fishing one of these days. May I suggest the hc that Legend used to go fishing with his uncle when he was little. I love this hint that even these two have managed to build a relationship despite being so different.

And Four clearly still doesn't know what to make of Wild. Even when the others are laughing he's giving Wild worried looks. Is he scared Wild will give away his secret? Or still (at least one quarter) mad?

Finally - 'this fire burning in my blood, I can feel it'. Is it just me or does that not sound so much like someone dying of fever as someone aware something evil is inside them, maybe trying to possess or corrupt them from the inside out? Maybe it's just me. Still think evil Twilight could happen and it would be so much more angsty now after they've all reunited around his deathbed...

So much is happening and there are so many beautiful details with so much characterization in them! I still don't know if Twilight is actually on his way to healing or not? I think something really bad might happen next update? But it's all kind of on a knife edge for me, could go either way?!

#linked universe #thoughts #many thoughts #only some of them climbing thoughts #linkeduniverse #unexpectedtraveler #linkeduniverse update #sunset pt 13 #lu twilight #lu hyrule #lu wild #lu four #lu legend

31 notes · View notes

dogmomwrites · 1 year

Text

15 Questions, 15 Mutuals

Got a couples tags for this one, so thank you, @andromedaexists, @eli-writes-sometimes, and @mariahwritesstuff! I'm gonna pass it on with soft tags to @axl-ul, @zoya-writes, @traveler-of-realms, @littlepatchofhell, @magic-is-something-we-create, @penspiration-writing, @thetruearchmagos, @witherednightmare, @zmwrites, @writingpotato07, @regalserpent, @fearofahumanplanet, @pluttskutt, @smzeszikorova, and @the-finch-address, as well as an open tag in anyone wants to join in! I'm well aware I'm a bit behind on this one lol

Since I had multiple tags, in addition to my own answers I'm gonna answer half of the questions for an oc and the other half for another oc. I'm gonna use the brothers Riley and Jimmy from my unnamed WIP (and it's unnamed sequel! *sob*)

⚠️ really long post, sorry! ⚠️

My answers

Are you named after anyone? Not to my knowledge. My mom was pretty random about names��my oldest sibling wasn’t named after anyone at all whereas my second oldest sibling was named after two different people

When was the last time you cried? I genuinely do not remember but I know it was a really long time ago

Do you have kids? No, thank goodness, because while I’d be a better parent than most parents I see in public, I very very much do not want that. I get worn out by nothing, I really could not handle a whole actual human child

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Yes. I’ve been told I have a dry humor (to which I responded “well, yeah, I grew up in a landlocked state.” He laughed the whole way back to his office lmao)

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Whether they seem happy or not

What’s your eye color? Dark blue, but I have sectoral heterochromia in my right eye! The different color is brown, and there are three sections of it, so it looks like I have a brown star in that eye! My heterochromia and my hair have always been my favorite things about myself lol

Scary movies or happy endings? This is circumstantial for me. I don’t really have a preference betwixt these options on their own. Curse of the Black Pearl scared the shit out of me when I was…however young I was when it first came out, I don’t remember and I don’t wanna math my age, but—it scared me then (that was before I learned I have severe kinemortophobia; I can handle CoBP skeletons now) and now it’s one of my all-time favorite movies. Alternatively, Return of the King technically has a happy ending cuz they succeed at destroying the Ring, and that is also one of my favorite movies of all time. I would need more info about the movie to make my pick, but I do prefer action and comedy, so happy ending? Most labeled scary movies are really dull to me and only rely on jumpscares (which annoy me illimitably). Anyway, I’ll shut up about this question cuz that ended up really long; sorry!

Any special talents? Uhhh rambling, I guess lmao

Where were you born? Arkansas, although I have never actually lived in that state. I am grateful for that

What are your hobbies? Writing. Reading. Games—video, board, card, outdoor. Procrastinating writing 😔

Have you any pets? Yesss! I have always had dogs and sometimes cats, and as of now, I have two buppy and the dumbest kitty I’ve ever had. She will literally run face-first into the wall and doesn’t always catch herself when you slowly lower her to the floor in that sliding motion, like you’re pouring water from your hands. She has landed on her face—multiple times!!—from that because she apparently doesn’t think landing on her paws is important. She's so dumb, it's great

What sports do you play/have played? Softball when I was peewee. Since then, I haven’t been on any actual teams, but I have dabbled with mini golf and yard football (I have a good spiral but I do not have the yeet)

How tall are you? 5’8, close to 5’9 I think?

Favorite subject in school? English cuz I got good grades in it lmao outside of quizzes and tests, I always loved reading about biology and I really enjoyed my psychology classes

Dream job? Writer tbh, with like a side gig at an animal sanctuary or smth

For Riley. He’ll take the odd numbers

Are you named after anyone? When his biological mother was young, she had a dog that she loved more than anything; had it throughout her teen years and even a couple years into her twenties. It was rough on her when the dog passed, but not long after that, she had her firstborn with her husband. She never considered any name other than what her dog had been called—Riley Zeke

(3) Do you have kids? Yes, although that’s a very sensitive topic for him

(5) What’s the first thing you notice about people? Behavior and how they communicate with those around them

(7) Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings. He was a big fan of scary movies when he was a dating teen tho lol

(9) Where were you born? Alabama, although when his biological parents died, he and his brother were moved up north to their paternal grandmother. He had a bit of an accent when he was first moved, but it faded

(11) Have you any pets? No, actually. While Riley has never had a pet of his own, there were many a dog and cat brought into their house during his younger years; however their mother drew the line when a nest on baby squirrels was brought inside

(13) How tall are you? Riley is 6’2, and stopped growing somewhere in his late teens

(15) Dream job? All he knows is soldiering tbh it was his dream ever since he was five years old. He does love being the center of attention though, so something to do with a stage would be pretty good for him

For Jimmy, who gets the even numbers

(2) When was the last time you cried? That’s a tough question. I know of a couple times he’s cried, but he doesn’t cry very often

(4) Do you use sarcasm a lot? Oh yeah, he uses sarcasm a lot

(6) What’s your eye color? Jimmy has dark green eyes. No heterochromia for him tho (RIP)

(8) Any special talents? Quite a few, actually. For starters, he’s not the best musician in the family, but he does know how to play three instruments, he can control lucid dreams, he can roll multiple coins across his knuckles at the same time, he knows a few magic tricks, and he can juggle just about anything—if he has four or fewer items, he doesn’t even need to pay much attention to what he’s doing. Lots of things were broken during his practicing years for that

(10) What are your hobbies? Nonsense, shenanigans, and a little dabbling in tomfoolery

(12) What sports do you play/have played? Jimmy was probably the laziest of his siblings tbh he didn’t care much for sports. Tried most of them out but never committed to them beyond the season. He didn’t even finish the season for soccer. He doesn’t like running

(14) Favorite subject in school? Science. He’s always loved doing the experiments himself, and science is the perfect scapegoat for when something gets set on fire, as it is more than just an excuse, it is a reason!

#15 questions 15 mutuals #tag game #open tag #open to everyone #my oc #original character

11 notes · View notes