#sometimes its not about you as an individual but rather a bigger image of the whole world
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Im really really really glad that tumblr and ( That ) part of twitter seem to be so wholly interested in aot because its such. aot is so.
It seriously needs a system where your ethnicity and country are shown next to your username while discussing it. the difference between arab & western & japanese fandom r insane like actually ( the arab one is correct btw. understandably )
though i seriously can't understand the jp fandom & isayama himself. their country got nuked by america so they adapt the american mentality? seriously?? since when did anime side with the oppressors or had propaganda like USA war films??? Eren is such a world wide symbol of freedom for a reason and yet
And what Isayama did to him felt like an american soldier had a gun to his head and told him to not make Eren win and make his people die because resistance bad and as an oppressed person you should kiss your supreme overlords's boots happily. Thats why ending defenders exist and are mainly on reddit and youtube, bc they agree with that
Seriously. so much is known just from one's stance on AOT and Eren. People who defend the ending and hate Eren and Eldia hate them because they KNOW their role is better fit for Marley and even unconsciously they relate with the oppressor and could never imagine them, the 'center of the world' and 'right' people ever dying or not being in control.
#doesnt mean that anyone who hates the ending and supports eren necessarily see themselves as an eldian though. ask most of them & youll get#a 'Idc if i wasnt one of those on paradise island#Eren deserves his freedom and that world WAS ruined and had no future.'#me included#sometimes its not about you as an individual but rather a bigger image of the whole world#obvs titan power doesnt exist irl and that makes it worse actually. atleast marley was scared#wars irl happen where two equal humans kill each other because the delusions of grandiosity get far.
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Do you believe the arts (visual, written, music, film and TV, etc) can change the world…?
I think I’m seeing it happen right in front of me… and it’s awe-inspiring!
I think the writers, producers, directors and actors of the ITV true drama “Mr Bates v The Post Office” are making just this happen as they provoke public outrage at a story all about balancing ledgers and financial systems… As a qualified accountant, I know this is an outstanding creative achievement!
Sometimes artists do try to change the society they live in. Pablo Picasso’s 1937 painting “Guernica” – which represents the tragedies of war and the suffering it inflicts upon individuals, particularly innocent civilians - is one example. At about 16:30 on Monday, 26 April 1937, warplanes of the German Condor Legion, commanded by Colonel Wolfram von Richthofen, bombed Guernica for about two hours. On completion, Picasso’s response to the atrocity was displayed around the world in a brief tour, becoming famous and widely acclaimed. This tour helped bring the Spanish Civil War to the world's attention.
Many of the others I’ve looked at - bearing the description of “art that literally changed the world” - changed the arts rather than fundamentally benefitting large numbers of people’s lives, something that makes those involved in the “The Bates” program’s achievement all the greater. That team have called out in a compelling way a collapse of justice, and so a collapse of part of our society. They have changed the welfare and life chances of more than 700 sub-postmasters, convicted of theft after the faulty accounting system Horizon showed money was going missing around the UK.
I may be an idealist, but I believe visual artists can change the lives of other individuals, giving them images that are special to them, that can lift their spirits and give them comfort in difficult times. That’s what I aim to do.
In the UK, we’re nations who are good at the arts: taking a blank piece of paper, silence or an unknown character and injecting life into it. Our creativity is one way we’ve created wealth. Just think of Harry Potter…!
I believe great art finds a way to tell the deeper truths within its creativity. So maybe now it’s time for some of us to think bigger, like the “Mr Bates” team, to change society for the better with our art…
What do you think…?
Thanks!
Sam aka LymphomaLass xx
#art#art changing lives#art changing life#art changing society#mr bates vs the post office#Mr Bates v The Post Office#mr bates
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Moral desensitization of the U.S. populace with regard to the extremely powerful (a quote from a book)
[The following text is from THE POWER ELITE (p.338-342) by C. Wright Mills. The book was published in 1956.]
It should not be supposed that such few and small publics as still exist, or even the American masses, share the conservative mood of the intellectuals. But neither should it be supposed that they have firmly in mind adequate images of the American elite. Their images are ambiguous; they are mainly in terms of status and wealth rather than of power; and they are quite moral in a politically petty way.
Moral distrust of the high and mighty is of course an old American custom. Sometimes, as during the ’thirties, it is primarily of the corporate rich—then called economic royalists; sometimes, as between wars, of admirals and generals; and, all the time it is, at least a little bit, of the politicians.
One must, of course, discount the wonderful make-believe and easy accusation of campaign oratory. And yet, the rather persistent attention paid to such matters as ‘corruption’ in business and government expresses a widespread concern with public morality and personal integrity in high places, and signifies that it has been an underlying worry in almost every area of American life.
These areas include military and political as well as directly economic institutions; they include the elite as the heads of these major institutions as well as the elite as a set of private individuals. Many little disclosures, spurring the moral worry of those still capable of such concern, have indicated how widespread public immorality might be. *
What element of the higher circles—what would-be element—has such immorality not touched? Perhaps all those cases that come briefly to public attention are but marginal—or, at any rate, those that were caught. But then, there is the feeling that the bigger you are, the less likely you are to be caught. There is the feeling that all the pretty cases seem to signify something grander, that they go deeper and that their roots are now well organized in the higher and middle American ways of life. But among the mass distractions this feeling soon passes harmlessly away. For the American distrust of the high and mighty is a distrust without doctrine and without political focus; it is a distrust felt by the mass public as a series of more or less cynically expected disclosures. Corruption and immoralities, petty and grand, are facts about the higher circles, often even characteristic facts about many of them. But the immoral tone of American society today also involves the lack of public sensibility when confronted with these facts. Effective moral indignation is not evoked by the corrupt public life of our time; the old middle-class moralities have been replaced in America by the higher immorality.
The exploiting plutocrat and the corrupted machine of the ’nineties were replaced in public imagery by the uncultivated philistine and provincial of the ’twenties, who, in turn, were replaced by the economic royalists and the cohorts of the ’thirties. All these were negative images; the first of urban greed as seen through an indignant and rural moral optic; the second of mindless Babbitry as seen by urban strata for whom moral principles have been replaced by big-city ways; and the third, somewhat less clearly, of the old plutocrat turned more systematic and impersonal.
But the corporate rich of the ’forties and ’fifties, in their economic and in their political aspects—there are no such stereotypes of them; they are rather cynically accepted, and even secretly admired by members of the mass society. No negative stereotype has been widely formed of the corporate rich and the political outsider; and if one or two should crop up in popular imagery, they are soon vanquished by the ‘forward-looking,’ energetic, clean-cut American boy as executive.
Given the state of the mass society, we should not expect anything else. Most of its members are distracted by status, by the disclosures of pettier immortalities, and by that Machiavellianism-for-the-little-man that is the death of political insurgency. Perhaps it might be different were the intellectual community not so full of the conservative mood, not so comfortably timid, not so absorbed by the new gentility of many of its members. But given these conditions of mass society and intellectual community, we can readily understand why the power elite of America has no ideology and feels the need of none, why its rule is naked of ideas, its manipulation without attempted justification. It is this mindlessness of the powerful that is the true higher immorality of our time; for, with it, there is associated the organized irresponsibility that is today the most important characteristic of the American system of corporate power.
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Difference between raster and vector
Difference between raster and vector how to#
The programs which place lines or shapes in a 2-D or 3-D environment sequentially are referred to as Vector Graphics. Its file extensions could be in:BMP, TIF, GIF, JPG. Hence for images that need to scale it to different sizes, we should use vector graphics. Scaling down these images could be easy but enlarging a bitmap makes it pixelated or blurred. Formats like jpeg and gif are commonly compressed. We can use algorithms that compress images to reduce file sizes. For example, the image of 640 x 480 requires information to be stored for 307,200 pixels, while a 3072 x 2048 image needs to store information for a whopping 6,291,456 pixels. So, the large file needs a large bitmap and the larger image requires more disk space to store. The Raster images use bitmaps to store information and display content. While pixmap is used for images with multiple bits per pixel. Sometimes the term bitmap implies one bit per pixel. The more general term is pixmap which refers to a map of pixels, where each one may store more than two colors and you can use more than one bit per pixel. It is also called a bit-array or bitmap index. The bitmap image is actually a grid made of rows and columns where specific cells with given value fill it in or leave it blank. A bitmap is a type of file that displays small dots in a pattern that creates an overall image. 2: Bitmap (BMP):Ī bitmap is also an image file format. Most people prefer to look at smooth and clear images rather than pixelated one. You cannot see the individual pixel without zooming it, because they are so small. The display screen is divided into a matrix of thousands or millions of pixels. Those are the small little dots that make the image to display on the computer, whether they are flat-screen (LCD) or tube (CRT) monitors. Pixel is actually a short form of “Picture Element”. Keep clicking and check us out.Well, before we start to know about vector and raster graphics, we must understand a few basic terms of display graphics: 1: Pixel:Ī pixel is the smallest element of a picture which represents on your screen.
Difference between raster and vector how to#
Learn how to grow your business and career right now. If you are looking for more brilliant advice in business, technology, digital marketing, and more, we have plenty of content. Now that you know more about raster images, you can achieve more with your branding, graphic design, and artwork. If you want something that scales easily and has a solid color, go with a vector format. If you are working on a picture with complex colors, blends, and themes, like a painting in a museum, raster images are your preferred format. Raster images are better used for photographs, while vector images are better options for logos, signage, illustrations, engravings, etc. There are different purposes for raster images and vector images, thus, there are different recommended file types too. Since a raster-based image will use bitmaps for storing data, this means that it will have a larger file size the bigger the bitmap is, and this can take up more disk space. Editing raster images can work well when you are changing colors, tones, and themes. We find it with digital camera technology, which is why photographs are typically raster images. Raster images have more capability with rendering colors that are complex, soft, and vibrant. The difference is that raster graphics have colored pixels that are arranged in an orderly fashion, whereas a vector graphic is a mathematical formula that makes up paths. If you are looking to learn more technical illustrations check out this link. Often, a vector image is a choice for logos, illustrations, and designs that require printing on a large object. With vector images, you can get an image that is more detailed and finer. It forms shapes with mathematical equations. This is a graphic or image that is both created and defined on a plane, with curves and connecting lines. If you are looking to increase or decrease the resolution and size of an image with raster images, it can be rather tricky. This makes it easy to make an image that is smaller. The image represents a rectangular grid of pixels. It can also be referred to as a bitmap image. This is a common term for digital photography and computers. What are the differences between the two? It is easy to tell the difference, and here is why. Graphic designers often use raster images and vector graphics.
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Keeping the collective out (thoughts)
There’s something to say about the good inherent in being able to open oneself up to collective feeling. We’re all capable of sympathizing with the hardships and tragedies that happen to people on a collective level even if the hardships don’t affect us directly or has any impact on our personal lives. Pain, sadness, hope, hopelessness and joy... are all personal experiences that might be unique to the individual but can be elevated to the impersonal and universal.
Sometimes it’s beneficial to universalize experiences. It makes people feel less alone, as if they’re part of something bigger. Sometimes it’s extremely destructive to have the emotional channels open in this way. Sometimes it’s necessary to keep the collective out. Boundaries are necessary. Otherwise, we might confuse other people’s emotions with our own and forget to preserve a sense of self. There is no self in the universal – there's only the concept of self, which is usually quite vague and diluted because of a heavy influx of impressions that are all considered to belong to the self in one way or another.
It might seem insensitive to cut oneself off from feeling sympathy for other people but it’s often necessary. Most people feel guilty if they refuse to be hooked up to the collective feeling stream. They see it as some kind of crime against humanity and by extension, a crime against themselves. In some cases, however, the most compassionate thing is to avoid erasing the boundaries of the self.
Images, words and feelings carry meaning. Meaning is a universal phenomenon – it has little to do with personal opinion or tangible experience, it’s intangible and has to be sensed intuitively. Meaning can be helpful or unhelpful just like everything else. Make sure that you use it to serve your own well-being. It can serve to enrich you or deplete you.
In my own experience, I’ve found that depression has something to do with not owning negative emotions. With depression, there’s something that takes you over – an overwhelming sense of heaviness that behaves like a separate entity. People sometimes say, in the attempt to be helpful, to the person that is plagued by melancholy or chronic sadness that “it’s not who you are” and “this depression doesn’t define you”. This is not entirely helpful although it might be true to some extent. The truth is that the individual is caught in a double bind of feeling small and larger than life at the same time. Depression transcends the personal. In this sense, it’s a welcomed force. It saves the individual from responsibility and confirms his connection to something transcendent that has the ability to save or imprison the little self. At the same time it has the ability to instill a lot of guilt - in others and in oneself.
Some individuals are more susceptible to be flooded by forces that are destructive. They can’t keep the world out. It’s usually reflected by a strong 12th house/Piscean/Neptunian emphasis in the natal chart. There’s both powerlessness and strength in these types. Perhaps it would be easier if they could choose what to surrender to rather than denying their own part in the process of giving in. Yes, life is bigger than the individual but he has some say in what to be consumed by.
Powerlessness has its own special allure. The more translucent, the more magical and fascinating. It isn’t difficult to see why there’s a romantic glow around the self-centered narcissist and his self-sacrificing twin. They are perfectly acting out the Neptunian tragedy of a loss of boundaries and a loss of self. The bigger fish is devouring the little fish. One is seemingly stronger; the other is weaker. They’re both lost, isolated and starving. They both lack self-respect and self-worth because they’re married to the universal – guilty of existing and guilty of being something on their own.
Some people don’t want to exist. They don’t want to be involved with life directly. They deny all worldly desire. They do exist, but as shadows and reflections of others and their environment. “I don’t mind” and “you can choose”, “I want whatever you want” are common statements with these types and we've all been there at one point or another. There’s something beautiful to this way of being but it’s nonetheless a refusal to take shape. Of course, it’s inevitable to take shape in this world even though one has surrendered to something other than the self. Everyone still makes a choice, whether they’re aware of it or not.
Being open to suggestion is another important part of this. It feels nice, to an extent, to be ill-defined enough as to accept everything that’s thrown one’s way. It’s a sacrifice, but a sweet one. Again, what we are open to is our own business, but many people still complain of being influenced and swayed because of a lack of personal will/strength. I believe that it’s never the lack of will that is the problem, it’s the unconscious refusal to see that one has attributed/projected strength onto things that are outside of personal control. Or perhaps I’m just afraid of acknowledging my own powerlessness.
The key to keeping the collective out is to recognize subjectivity – not as an ultimate reality but as a valid and important part of living. There’s a way to be personal and still be able to empathize with others. There’s a way to care for others without compromising personal boundaries. Connectivity has its benefits, but only if it serves the lower as well as the higher dimensions of reality. There’s no use in denying one’s part in shaping one’s own reality, nor is it of any use to think that everything is responsive to the personal will. The middle way seems to be the only way.
#astrology#thoughts#thoughts on life#keeping the collective out#collective unconscious#collective influences#planets in astrology#zodiac signs#natal chart#the zodiac#pisces#neptune#12th house#birth chart#self preservation#boundaries#healthy boundaries#universal#universal feeling#illusion#depression#melancholy#sadness#overwhelmed#tired#world weary#subjectivity#surrender#lack of confidence#strength
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I’m totally piggybacking off of the last anon but a lot of (not all!) the reception of Lorde’s album feels like a 2021 reiteration of the anger formerly emo bands would receive for putting out non-emo music after periods of personal/artistic growth, only it’s now getting woobified to sound woke? Don’t get me wrong, criticism has its place in art, but I can’t help but feel like a huge portion of the criticisms come from an entitlement to personal satisfaction rather than a well-intended look at the art for its own sake.
yes absolutely!
i think in addition to that/a variety(? lol) is first of all like. this weird pushback against artistic style shifting in general, but esp in a happy way (like you’re saying). not that SP is happy At All but it’s not quite as like … blue as melodrama. the grief isn’t as tangible or tight as teen angst (‘it feels so scary getting old’) or a breakup (‘i care for myself the way i used to care about you’) but i think it’s bc this grief is bigger, & messier, & so often ineffable in a lot of ways — how do u grieve a future u never got?
which gets at what i think is a rly specific issue w women who made art as V young ppl — this reluctance in critical circles to let their pov get more mature. lorde gave us the most brilliant & rent free gutting teen angst (pure heroine is still my favorite album of the last decade) & then one of the most tightly written, beautiful breakup albums of all time. both are also perfect chiasms which is fucking dope as hell
but i think to like criticize SP for most of the things i’ve read (what you’re talking about!) like … u gotta let women talk abt big stuff, & be messy abt it sometimes! i hadn’t heard a “pop” album abt the deep grief & angst of climate change, empire, the world at large, etc (in addition to relationships!) until ofc lorde! whomst else could ever! she uses the word sacrosanct!
ultimately tho i think lorde has always been concerned w feeling Too Much in the world at large, the violence & beauty of that, how deeply hurtful it all can be, how sometimes taking a breath means it’s winter & u rest. perfect summers have to end, every year. i’m more interested in a musically weird album abt like … the dissolution & disillusionment of the world than i am a breakup album.
also the path starts w this image of like a fucked up recluse & ends on (sonically too) one of the best moments lorde’s ever had in oceanic feeling where it’s basically like allegorical self-immolation in that she’s just leaving that painful life laid out in the first song. it seems like a different kind of closure at first but i think it feels at its core similar to melodrama (i’m a liability // you’re not what you thought you were). this time it seems to be a shift away from individual success on earth into communal peace, after the end of some sort of world we know, which makes sense for the album as a whole, & for the world too
anyway. love my girl, let ppl be messy lol
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hi i really love reading your posts!! thank you for taking your precious time to write about my favourite pair <3
ok my first ever question: (sorry if you’ve been asked this already). what do you think about jimin and jungkook having the most screen time in the memories of 2019 dvd? we’ve seen how close vmin were in 2019 but there was only a very very few vmin moments edited in the whole 10 hour dvd.. the longest vmin interaction being when jimin pointed out a mistake tae made on stage and tae basically said: i admit but don’t exaggerate it. from the lack of seeing vmin together on the dvd, i was thinking if a new army were to watch it, they’d think vmin aren’t as close and cute as jimin and jungkook. whereas they showed us jimin and jungkook rehearsing, goofing around, eating, arriving and leaving together in their car in every part. i understand jimin and jungkook like to spend time together but they could’ve shown us the other members a little more including vmin.. what are your thoughts?
First of all I do think we did get Vmin moments and that often perspective on these things can vary a lot just on how you experience something. Here is another person who thought we got a lot of Vmin in memories 2019 just as an example.
It’s a bit the same as with people calling Vmin dead despite everything we might get. And I think comparing is sadly a big factor in this. But once again, one ship having more or less moments shouldn’t be an indicator of their status or closeness as long as they clearly show signs of still being close. Which Vmin always have done. We should also remember that shippers spread moments and the amount you see things might make it feel like it’s even more than it is. I am not saying Ji/kook don’t have a lot of moments, but they might feel like even more than they are. If we compare maybe they have similar amounts of moments with less popular ships, like Jin/kook, but we don’t hear about it as much. (In memories I also think most of those 10 hours won’t be ship moments in general.)
I think for the most time when we see something it’s because that’s what the members are doing. We should also remember their individual personalities, and that some members might show up more simply becuse they spend more time doing fun things in front of the camera. I think Jimin, Jin and JK tend to get a lot more Bangtan Bomb time because they do “more interesting things” for example. Meanwhile Tae might be seen sitting on his phone in a corner or Namjoon might be resting etc.
I think using screen time to try an prove a ship won’t work on it’s own, but that screen time is a clear indicator of the bonds we see being genuine and that Ji/kook spend a lot together and are very close. But I don’t think lack of screen time definitely means the opposite. There can be many reasons we see more of various pairs. For example we also see a lot of Jin/kook, but their shippers aren’t as loud so we might not take note of it as much. We also get a lot of Vmin in other things like Bon Voyage, but that doesn’t mean that suddenly Ji/kook is dead. I really don’t think comparing is going to do anything good. I also think many ships get promoted in various ways, like being together for photoshoots or commercials etc. But for all we know they might partly get to choose themselves. Or it simply brings in good money to put some pairs together more etc. But even if there is a PR strategy or reason behind what we see, I doubt it has to do with a ship being real or not.
I think we see Ji/kook spend the most time together because they are together the most when they are surrounded by cameras. I think what we see is mostly what is happening. Because suggesting Big Hit editors are paying extra attention to any certain ship like showing them more or cutting away specific things based on only what members it involves would suggest an agenda. I recently talked about it in my post Can shipping turn into conspiracy theories? but once we start to question things being bent to deliberatly fool us it may allow us to take much bigger logical leaps. That’s how the narrative of Tae/kook being sepparated leads to them being more likely to also call other things fake or played up to hide tae/kook. If we add intention behind a moment we create a narrative, and in the end the more we assume and add beliefs into facts the further away we might end up from the actual truth.
My theory has always been that if a ship is real they would likely be careful and they might have their own reasons to act certain ways. Like Vmin seemingly being a bit nervous about being alone together. It’s still a theory of course, but I am always going to be much more careful with things that come from Big Hit and point it out as an agenda to create a certain image. For example saying Big Hit are forcing Vmin to stay apart or not do Vlives or put Ji/kook together more to “hide a ship with a ship”. Or even that moments in music videos are put there on purpose to either try to show a real ship or hide another etc.
For example if we assume the editors are cutting away Vmin on purpose I personally think we end up with a lot more problems. Like for how many people would know about Vmin? If editors and camera men and directors that might shift quite a lot all know to be careful about a certain ship, that is basically like outing them.
If there is video of them doing things “not fit for camera” that certainly means they aren’t very careful and would rely more on editing than just plainly being careful themselves. Which I personally see more signs of. If editors get instructions to treat one ship differently I personally think we would have much more rumors flying around. The more people know the harder a secret is to keep. So if there is a real couple in BTS I don’t expect general staff to know.
That’s also why I see it as more unlikely a real couple would openly live alone together, only share a car with each other or openly speak about being engaged etc. Of course this is all just me guessing as I am sure whatever strategy they might use could be very different depending on a lot of things. But at least looking at Vmin vs other ships there seems to be a carefulness in certain moments, and I think that has more to do with themselves rather than what Big Hit would force from them. Any relationship is basically a threat to BTS and their careers, of course they too would be aware of this. And I personally think they would put being careful above wanting people to know about them being a couple. At least watching Vmin and their personalities that’s what I think they would choose. Aka, not sending a lot of hidden signals for fans to pick up on. I think Tae might do it to some extent, only because he tends to get more frustrated and tend to sometimes express things even though he maybe shouldn’t. But even then it seems carefully done. Like the Christmas song to me was such a moment when he wanted to share his frustration. But the second time he mentioned it he didn’t mention Jimin at all. Or the way it took years for us to hear from Taehyung’s own mouth about 4 o’clock being partly about Jimin. I think they thread carefully not only with how they come across to fans, but also staff. That being said of course I do think that they can get away with a lot and that they probably are more comfortable when they know they aren’t being filmed or if there is an option to edit. I just don’t think most staff at Big Hit would know about a ship being real and work to present it in a certain way on purpose by order from Big Hit.
I think we see ji/kook together a lot because it’s easy and fun and comfortable. I am not saying they can’t be real, but I do ask why Vmin at the same time does seem to act careful and possibly even avoid certain things.
I don’t like to speculate about the moments we don’t get, because the reasons for why could be too many. For me I doubt the editors (and even less the captions) in BTS material are put there with an agenda. I think the editors view the material and pick what they might think is fun, though they likely also have their own bias and might be affected by what they see. For example I think Vmin being labeled as friends in captions has more to do with them and BTS calling them friends all the time which then editors pick up on and use.
Saying Vmin or any other ship is cut out to me opens a can of worms that lead down very dangerous paths. Paths we have seen other shippers walk. I also know that all ships have these “why are they the only ones edited out” or “why is this moment cut” agendas. Ji/kookers too say that we got to see Vmin and Tae/kook in bed in ITS but not Ji/kook because it would be “too much/obvious”.
I think we should go by what we see, but that we also shouldn’t make a big deal out of what we don’t see. So basically, seeing less Vmin won’t really change Vmin’s bond. That’s why I say looking at even small moments are a great indicator. We shouldn’t focus so much on amount, for any ship. But most importantly we shouldn’t assume amount is an indicator of Big Hit having an agenda.
Let’s say Vmin get cut out and the effect is people wondering if Vmin is fake. Why would they create this problem to begin with just to have Vmin release Friends which in turn make more people ship Vmin? To me it’s always too flippy floppy. Like why would Big HIt hide Tae/kook but then have them do the dance in DNA together or leave in other moments “just to keep interest up”.
Again, I try to not add reasons behind things we can’t know much about, but for me I think editing and cutting away moments from a ship as a strategy would be weird looking at the full picture of BTS and what we actually do get to see. I could be wrong, but I also know the slippery road I could end up on if I start to suspect Big Hit trying to fool us on purpuse on such a big scale. In the end that would basically mean anything could be real or fake, which is the point I sadly see some tae/kookers believe. They think tae/kook has been edited out and kept apart for years, and still won’t trust they simply might spend less time together even after ITS.
So, again, I think Vmin might act careful on their own to some degree, and I think Ji/kook and Jin/kook etc. like spending time togehter and also do things that are likely more interesting to show, like joke around or tease each other. Which then leads to more moments between them.
Thanks for the ask, and I hope you see what I am trying to say. I would have loved to see more Vmin, but we still got a lot of good moments if you ask me. Also, I am sorry for the messy state of this answer, but I will definitely talk about similar topics more in proper future posts. Thank you so much for liking my blog, and I hope you still do. 💜 (Also sorry for the late answer. )
#jimin#taehyung#vmin#vmin analysis#bts analysis#vmin editing#big hit agenda#my post#btsandvmin#btsandvmin ask#btsandvmin answer#bts memories of 2019
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pairing: soulmate!jaemin x reader
genre: guardian angel au / fluff / slight angst
warnings: language, sad themes, character death (car crash), suggestive (not explicit, I suck at smut), my shitty writing (I’m so sorry)
summary: the glimmering boy from the accident would often visit you in the depths of your dreams with eager eyes, your imagination the only place where he could allow you to see him. that is, until you finally became an adult.
word count: 10.2k
note: this is my first time writing a long fic, it might seem rushed or confusing but I’m sure I’ll improve with time, so feedback will be greatly appreciated. anyways, I truly hope you enjoy the story from the bottom of my heart! also, thank you @glossyjaems for hyping me up on this!
cherrysung’s navigation
The rain poured violently, hitting the car windows in near agression as you mindlessly watched the drops race down, ‘till they eventually disappeared from your view. The roads were hugely engulfed in a sea of haze, and it was complicated to decipher the direction in which the car was heading towards, amidst all the fog surrounding. You remember a gentle song playing quietly from the radio, and if it weren’t for the furious banging of the weather, you’d be fast asleep. Asleep, in the warm arms of your mother, who held you so dearly. No one expected what was to come. The anxious stirring from your father, the deafening crash, the cries of the woman who now held you tightly with fear, or the pitch black darkness that consumed everybody in an instant.
Four years, you were only four years when you lost your entire family; and you were supposed to leave with them. Softly, the song kept playing, when you caught a gleaming silhouette in the distance. Just like that, consciousness slipped away from you.
Years went by quickly, time left but memories stayed. The helpless screams of your father and your mother’s tears that fell onto your chubby cheeks; you remember them vividly. You thought memories were supposed to be cherished, but yours only managed to haunt you every progressing day of your life. A life that was meant to be taken away from you, a life that was meant to be spent with your loved ones. You lost one option for the price of the other and you weren’t sure what was worse, there was no way an answer from something as intricate as existence could be obtained. All you knew was the shimmering light before blackness tugged at your vision. Tall, lean and majestic; you wished it would’ve been one of the few memories that did stay, but it seemed like it was fading away more and more as the clock ticked by.
Attached to several tubes and beeping machines, you had woken up disoriented that day, completely unaware of your surroundings. So confused, you couldn’t even process or fathom what just had happened; the death of your parents, or the cuts and bruises that stung your delicate, baby skin. A nurse was walking by the room you were in when she noticed the small of your figure sitting up on the hard hospital bed, immediately bursting through the door with shock plastered on her young face.
You were not expected to survive a coma. You were not even meant to survive a deadly car crash. No one was really expecting you to wake up. In the midst of all the chaos that had eventually formed by the surprised nurses and hospital staff, you could only stare through the small-framed window, at the bright spark that shined outside in the empty streets. Only for your eyes to see.
Growing up with your grandparents had its perks. They were very pure beings; always trying the best they could to keep a content smile on your bruised face, always trying to show you the love their own children couldn’t. Their mythical, fantasy tales were your favorite; the ones where everything and everyone was magical, where anything could happen because suddenly animals and plants could talk, and the Earth wasn’t as soulless. Your lovely storytellers successfully distracted you from the harsh truth, that an innocent child like you had to learn at a very young age their family; the woman who birthed you and the man who held you in his arms for the first time, were gone. Just like they had left, the time came where their own parents had to step off the journey of life, too. This time, you were fully alone to face the frightening reality and malicious threats of those who weren’t happy. Fifthteen years old, you were now totally by yourself.
Or so, you thought.
Forming part of your grandparents’ usual anecdotes and short stories, was the tale consisting of soulmates. Soulmate, someone destined to be by your side forever. You knew they loved talking about myths and legends, so believing that something as harsh as life already had prepared an individual to cherish you, seemed impossible. More so, when it took your parents from you in the worst way possible. Naturally, you brushed the thought aside despite your grandmother’s last words, asking you to wait for the letter, one that was soon to come. You didn’t know what she was talking about, and quite frankly, you were too distressed to care; helplessly watching the world take yet again, someone from you.
Every night after the accident that almost took your life, images began forming in your head. What were images turned into short dreams, and soon, they were a common occasion every time you slipped off into slumber. After giving a final goodbye to your grandparents, those visions only seemed to increase. There, you would always meet him. The boy with excited eyes, somehow he always appeared remarkably delighted to see you, although you couldn’t understand why. Who was he? Why was he in your nightly thoughts all the time? You didn’t know, but you didn’t mind either. He was divine, always formally dressed in a white suit; black, lustrous shoes and hair combed back so carefully accompanied by a slight part enough to show some of his forehead. A person so tremendously handsome, you usually wondered how your young mind was even able to create such a heavenly man.
You never failed to meet him in your dreams. Enveloped by all the loneliness you had been left with, you looked forward to see him until the sun decided to rise from within the towering mountains and over the vast horizon; the sultry warmth of a new day bringing you out of the place where only the two of you knew. Life was mostly dull unless you were having your fair share of time with the celestial boy in the depths of your imagination.
Age seventeen came through, gifting you with the fading of majority of the scars that had been left on your skin as a daily reminder of what happened years ago. One of them, though, chose to accompany you forever. It was fine, you assured yourself, no matter how dark it sounded, it was the closest thing to your parents that you had. Rather than despising it, you’d enjoy it.
The town you lived in wasn’t all that special. It was small and far from the bigger cities, home to a low population of friendly people. Everyone knew each other; and everybody knew what happened the winter of 2006, when your parents died. The year your whole world came crashing down; like the angry ocean waves would hit at the random, jagged rocks that stuck from beneath the water. In spite of the tragedy you had to endure, nobody treated you with shameless pity, and instead taught you that yes; life can be threatening, but it can also be marvellous. You realized that living is unexpected; one day you’re breathing, the next one you could be gone. It’s difficult to accept the fact that everybody’s fate is exceptionally different. Sometimes they might leave with pride, sometimes they might leave with fear. Of course you didn’t know what the world had in store for your future, but you certainly didn’t want to keep drowning in your sea of miserable grief.
Sighing, you put an end to your train of thoughts as you plopped down on your bed’s soft mattress. Your grandparents’ wooden house was the same as it was the day they left; cosy, warm and vintage. You would often dream here about what the actual cities looked like, your last time catching the bright, colorful lights being the same day of the accident. Grandma didn’t want to tell you much as she usually avoided describing the occurence in detail, but she did admit you were on your way to visit her and the rest when the early winter storm caught up with the unplanned trip. Maybe, if your father would’ve chosen to spend one last day at your old house, they would be here today.
The endless questions and memories that consumed you everyday were enough to lull you off into a deep sleep.
Suddenly, everything around you looked magical and extraordinary in the sea of green, healthy grass that kissed at your bare feet oh so tenderly. Several flowers that accompanied the slightly flowing ocean of emerald were colorful; blues, pinks, yellows, purples. Every single shade thinkable was present. A sky so heavenly azure, and a small amount of white, fluffy cotton clouds decorating it beautifully. You discovered, you were no longer in reality. You were in your dreams. Far off in the distance, your eyes spotted the same white suit you had grown accustomed to seeing, and your feet immediately headed in the direction of the clean attire. There he was, the same boy who was nothing but absolutely ethereal, sitting on the soft field of tulips and roses under a large oak tree. He didn’t have to search to know you were there; he felt your presence from miles away, even when you were not meeting him in your lovely thoughts. After all, he had always been there with you. You just weren’t aware of it.
Despite the tall grass that occasionally tangled with your feet, you reached him easily, quietly taking a seat next to him on the velvety ground. “Hello.” He simply greeted, still looking off into the horizon as he slowly grazed his hands through the flowers surrounding him. Features so enchanting, his face looked like it had been sculpted and carved by the gods themselves. A defined nose and jawline, narrow eyes that only conveyed pure compassion, with a final touch of the smoothest skin you had ever seen before. He was literally glowing with beauty.
“Hi,” you replied shortly with a small smile, “we meet again.” He turned to glance at you, his eyes surveying lightly over your own features. He thought you were breathtaking.
He slightly nodded his head, the setting sun offering a nice dew to his warm skin. “We do.” A pause took over, and you wondered why he was so quiet today; usually, you were used to him being more talkative, even flirty. Before you could say anything else, he spoke up with a graceful smile. “You’re turning eighteen soon, right?” You could only nod, a huge knot forming in your chest at the thought of spending yet another birthday without the company of your family, you wished they would’ve been able to watch you turn into an adult. “Don’t be sad, just because they’re not with you physically, doesn’t mean they’re also not with you emotionally. If you think about it, they have never left.”
It had become a common feeling to be taken aback by his sudden rightful guessings of your thoughts. You never understood how he was able to tell what you were currently thinking, and honestly, it didn’t seem like you’d ever know, for his answers had always been along the lines of having a strong intuition.
By now, the bright sun had almost completely set behind the horizon, engulfing the vast grasslands with warm hues of oranges, yellows and reds; while the quick approaching night brought with itself a sea of blues, purples and pinks. The colors mixing together created a stunning evening sky, a view so captivating you could misinterpret it for a famous Italian painting. “I guess you’re right,” you agreed with his previous statement, “but I just wish I was able to spend a day meant to be so special with my family. In the flesh, I mean. I’m tired of spending my birthday by myself. Turning eighteen was supposed to feel exciting, but I can’t seem to find eagerness anywhere within my emotions when I know I’ll be on my own again.” Exhaling with slight disappointment, you softly pulled at a honeysuckle beside you and allowed yourself to savor the sweet taste of the nectar that it gingerly left on your tongue. You wondered if there was anything else more sugary than the tasty honey of the tiny flower.
“I understand.” He replied with a slight nod as he watched you grab another honeysuckle. Then, he did something he had never done before, and his hand grasped yours delicately. You were certain this was only a dream, still, you could feel him. You could feel his skin and the warmth that radiated from his hand, along with the creases on his much bigger palm. Somehow, the skin there wasn’t soft like you imagined, in fact, it was sort of rough; either way, they still managed to feel silky as they held your own. “But hey,” his eyes twinkled with happiness as he beamed, “I promise you, you won’t be spending your eighteenth birthday alone this time. I promise, really.”
“I hope you’re right,” you let the boy intertwine his fingers with yours, “I’ve been meeting you in my dreams for the longest time. Things like this don’t happen, so I believe you might be telling the truth.”
His eyebrows furrowed adorably as he shook his head, “I always tell the truth, lying is wrong. Besides, I would never do that to you.”
“Indeed.” You grinned lightly, and only now had you remembered this had been the first time in a while where you had shown genuine merriment. Night had taken over, and now the dark sky was covered in multiple little stars that, although from your perspective they barely sparkled, you were sure they glowed the brightest if close enough. Sometimes, what shines the most is not always the first thing noticed. The boy holding your hand frequently questioned why you couldn’t see that on yourself; why you couldn’t see how dazzling you really were, like the twinkling balls of fire that called themselves stars. Sighing with joy, you kept staring up at the endless heavens, the lively moon being your only source of light. “Hey?” You spoke up again, earning yourself a hum from the handsome boy. He didn’t seem to age, he still looked the same as he did the first time you ever saw him in yours dreams. Now, you realized his features resembled the same as a regular teenager like you, except he was obviously striking. “I’ve been meeting you here for as long as I can remember, but I never got your name.”
He chuckled, thinking you sounded cute. His free hand gently pulled at a fully bloomed rose, its scarlet red shade so bright and vibrant in the scarce night light. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that yet, love.” He shook his head, releasing your hand and instead replacing his own with the beautiful rose. “Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough, you just have to wait a little bit more. Then, you will get an answer to all your questions. They say patience is key.” Standing up, he carefully pulled you up with him too, pressing a faint kiss to your forehead. “Lovely, it’s time for you to leave.”
“But I don’t want to.” You muttered, not quite looking forward to another lonely day.
The boy laughed lowly as he began walking in the opposite path from where you initially came from. “Dont worry, you see me here everyday, right? I’ll be waiting for you here on your next dream. And the next one, and the one after, and the one after. I will always be waiting. Just do me a favor, will you? Take that rose with you, consider it my early birthday gift. Keep it, and care for it. Also, remember my promises, I won’t ever break them.”
Just like that, he disappeared in the multitude of blooming flowers, as you felt yourself fade away from the world you wished was your reality.
You woke up from your deep slumber, a smile etched across your face as you thought of your little secret, who you always encountered in your dreams wearing the same white suit. Your conscious itself was still adapting to the daylight of a new day and the comforting heat radiating all the way from your window. Hair disheveled, and eyes puffy from sleep, you had not woken up yet completely. As your senses adjusted, strangely enough, you felt something smooth against your arm, only then noticing the red rose resting nicely next to you while its petals softly kissed at your skin. A gasp left your lips instantly, and you quickly scurried off the bed as fast as lighting to stare incredulously at the flower laying on it. You were a hundred percent sure that was not there before drifting off. Yet, as freaked out as you were, the boy’s words filled your mind, and you reluctantly picked up the gorgeous plant to place it in a vase of fresh water.
The brand new day carried on as always, unwanted and repetitive. Many outsiders who traveled from the bigger cities claimed your small town was breathtaking; here, they didn’t have to deal with the awful sounds or smells that the multiple factories over there emitted, they didn’t have to deal with the large streets full of traffic and impatient car horns from people who were desperate to get home. Here, your town was everything but the opposite. Streets were not paved, instead, they were nice dirt paths created by the town’s own people so cars could drive by easily. It was mostly rural; adorned with greenery, flowers, crops and the overall touch of unbothered Mother Nature. A huge pond occupied by different, colorful fish was located in the center of the town, also serving as a usual meeting spot for friends or couples who wanted to have a lovely day out. Lastly, the most special detail; a large river stream ran through, which had been decorated between the passing years with several tiny shops and homely bakeries that had slowly started forming alongside it. Generally, it reminded you of pictures from Venice, Italy that you’d see on the internet.
In spite of how gifting your little town was, it’s not like you could enjoy it when you had no one to explore it with. You had your fair shares of adventures around it when you were young, but as you inevitably grew older, so did the cravings for companionship, for a friend. A friend you didn’t have. Growing up without any parents somehow prevented children at school from befriending you, claiming it was weird to not have a mother or a father. You never blamed them, nor did you resent them; they were merely young kids, who were almost just as clueless as you.
Due to many unpleasant experiences, you began believing this town had nothing else in store for you other than remind you of the unforgettable truth, so you often refrained from going out when it was unneeded. Living alone had also slowly become bearable; either way, you had to learn how to because there was nobody else who would be able to guide you through life. There was no choice but to become independent at an early age.
After taking a warm shower and placing the unexpected rose in a vase, you decided to make yourself some chamomile tea. While waiting for the water to boil, your eyes spotted a rusty note that was messily folded, laying on the kitchen counter. It appeared almost crumpled, like it had been bunched up in a rush. You confusedly stared at it for a short moment, trying to remember whether there had been a note there last night when you cleaned the kitchen isle. A sudden whistle interrupted your puzzled thoughts just as you were about to open up the strange looking letter, bringing you out of your daze as the loud hiss reminded you the boiling, hot water was finally ready. Cursing under your breath, you quickly whipped around in a hurry to turn off the stove, forgetting about the wrinkled paper altogether.
The rest of your day went by unbothered, the night sky catching up quicker than you had presumed. Regardless, it didn’t faze you. Rather than upsetting you, it only caused a huge wave of excitement to travel along your body; you knew what the night meant. You let out a squeal that bounced off the walls as you observed through the window the dark sky that had engulfed the whole town, decorated by the bright moon that had replaced the yellow, warm sun. It was only seven at night when you read the time on the digital clock hung on the thorough, wooden walls. You hurried off to your room, where you quickly readied yourself for sleep.
Not long after, you found yourself barefooted in the same place as always, although this time autumn season had began. Unlike reality, time worked distinctly in your dreams. When it was nighttime in the real world, it was daytime in your thoughts. Yet, you couldn’t understand why the season suddenly changed, you weren’t quite sure this had happened before. Right in front of your eyes, the oak tree you were so used to see standing gracefully with flowing, vibrant leaves, was slowly becoming leafless while the few ones that did manage to stick to the branches jumped between different, several warm and golden tones. The grasslands that were once a blanket of only verdant green with the occasional colorful flowers that would stand out, was now an ocean of faded orange mixed with a faint tint of pinkish red. Underneath the oak tree sat him, but this time he was not dressed in the same white suit from always; he was wearing casual clothes, and his typical perfectly brushed hair was left down and fluffy, covering most of his forehead.
White denim jeans paired with a white denim jacket, and a loose light, grey t-shirt tucked carelessly inside his pants; he seemed to already know what you were wondering, and answered your question before you even got the chance to take a seat on the dried autumn grass. “Everything is different because something important is nearing. No,” he giggled when he noticed you lean forward with a new question ready to be asked, “I can’t tell you what the special occasion is. Chill, you’ll find out in no time.”
Whining, you slightly sulked with an annoyed look plastered on your face, “I’m tired of all these weird clues.”
“Don’t worry, the answers are closer than you think. Quit sulking, drama queen.” He grinned warmly. The scenery appeared ridiculous when compared to his radiant smile, it was a battle he’d win right away effortlessly. A sudden breeze passed by, offering a pleasant warmth that felt sensational as the air slowly became cooler every time the season developed more. Whenever you met up with him, you always had new things to interrogate him for, but just recently your inquiries had gotten much bigger as you found yourself in stranger situations leading towards him. You turned to glance at him, despite his side profile being the only sight you could get from your current view, you knew he still looked unreal as ever. “I noticed you kept the rose.”
Your eyes widened in surprise, “how do you know?”
“Can’t answer that either.” He shrugged with a cheeky grin, exhaling with calmness as he rested on his elbows, basking in the warm, soft breezes that blew by every now and then. His chestnut brown hair moved fluidly along with the infrequent winds too, letting his forehead show up for a split second. You thought he seemed so peaceful like this. Truthfully, he always looked peaceful, but today his features were particularly serene as they emitted a feeling of tranquility, even you felt it. He hummed, opening his eyes for a short moment before closing them again, “you forgot to read the note. I’ll get rid of that one and send a new one when you wake up. Make sure to read it, no excuses.”
A small huff of disbelief escaped your lips, as they soon turned into a smile. “Are you sure you’re not a witch? You were the one who put the rose on the bed, right? Because how else would that magically be there? Please answer me before I go insane.” You massaged your temples gently to simmer down all the jumbled emotions that had fallen upon you. “I thought you were just part of my imagination, but I’m doubting that now. Oh my God, what are you? There’s literally no way I can bring a flower out of my dreams-”
“Just part of your imagination, what am I? An imaginary friend? Sorry,” he laughed, “I’m not that. Yeah, I was the one who placed the rose next to you; but no, I won’t answer how.” You could tell he was having fun watching you experience an existential crisis in the middle of your dreams, it entertained him more than he would like to admit. “Today you seem very curious, that’s no good. So, we will be parting ways sooner than we usually do.”
“Wait, no, what-”
With only the snap of his fingers, it was nighttime, like a light switch had been flicked and suddenly the brightness was turned off. Due to the fast approaching winter lurking just around the corner, it was freezing cold, the temperatures so low you stared at the unfazed boy like he was crazy. You immediately began shivering, and he calmly took the time to place his denim jacket over your trembling shoulders. Honestly, the piece of clothing didn’t really provide you with much cover, but the warmth of his body that had stuck to it was enough to decrease the clattering of your teeth and the goosebumps that had formed on your arm the moment the temperatures abruptly dropped. “You can take that with you. For now, we have to go. Goodbye lovely, we’ll see each other soon.”
Your body shot up on bed in shock, anxiously feeling around your shoulders where indeed, a jacket comfortably rested on. His jacket. You felt like crying from all the utter confusion, so many questions swirling in your head that you wanted to desperately ask. Breathing irregular, you stood up with a slight stumble as you made your way towards the bathroom with a failing vision until you were able to grip the small counter, your reflection showing back on the flimsy mirror. There was no tone to your skin, which was accompanied by a light dampness; your throat felt like it was stinging and your nose was extremely runny. Was this a cold? A sharp pain hit at your temples before a grunt left your lips, demanding you to get some rest. Using all the strength you could muster, you went back to bed, falling weakly on the soft mattress.
“You fucker, now I’m sick.” You gritted through you teeth with irritation. As if on cue to your words, another crumpled ball of paper flew onto your forehead, gently bouncing off and onto the bedsheets. You cursed again, rolling your eyes before opening up the letter. It looked old, the delicate paper was covered in several creases and ink stains that were smeared all over the page; inside, was the messiest handwriting you had ever seen before. Squinting, you tried your best to make out the tangled words that were scribbled down.
Before I even start; you got to stop cursing young woman. The Heavens are watching and won’t be happy at you. Now, off to the actual letter. You must still remember your grandmother telling you about it, this was the note she was talking to you about. How are you? I hope you’re dealing alright with that nasty cold, honest, I knew you’d catch one after that weather. It’s alright though, it won’t last longer than three days, enough for you to spend your awaiting birthday without any bothersome sicknesses. How does it feel to be turning eighteen years old in four days time? Maybe you didn’t believe me, or maybe you did, but I’m still keeping promise to my words, and I assure you; your eighteenth birthday won’t be spent alone, neither will be your other birthdays to come. You’ve come so far in life, you have battled so much and yet you’re still overflowing with strength. You definitely deserve answers to all the questions you’ve often wondered about.
Remember all those fairy tales you would hear all the time from your grandparents? The ones you loved so, so much? Many of them were really only that; tales and nothing more, just something to keep you entertained, except for one. No, soulmates are not a lie, or merely another created narration from your lovely storytellers, they’re a real thing. You’ll meet your soulmate soon, I promise. I could tell you who it is, but I’d rather wait and watch you find it out yourself. For the meanwhile, you can look at your wrist the day you turn eighteen, you’ll notice some words engraved on it. They’re meant to be your soulmate’s first words ever said to you; in person, so the flesh and bones. I feel like I gotta make that clear because you’re so dense. When you do finally meet them, the words will fade away. Overall, you’re going to get a gut feeling when you meet the right person, you won’t even need to check your wrist to know. Everybody is destined to meet their soulmate sooner or later, you would know about it more if you ever left the house, lazy. Since you don’t, you’re not really aware of how many people out there have already found their fated lover. Even your folks were destined soulmates. Everybody is.
You certainly are curious. No, don’t be scared, stop thinking I’m a witch, I’m not. Yes, I can read your thoughts and I can feel your emotions. Yeah, even though I wrote this way before you read it. I can already decipher them from days, hours, minutes and seconds before. What’s up, I hereby officially present myself to you as your Guardian Angel. Just as one gets assigned a soulmate, they can also get assigned a Guardian Angel, way before they’re even born; life is weird. Truth be told, your family already knew me. This is why your grandmother asked you to wait for the letter, otherwise she knew your stubborn self wouldn’t have budged. Someone like me can only do much, I don’t really form a part of what The Heavens decide; therefore, I wasn’t aware that you were involved in a car crash along with your parents. As your Guardian Angel, I can only save the one assigned to me, that being you. And, as far as decisions go, it had also already been determined by The Heavens they would be taking your parent’s lives early. I don’t know why, but they must have their own reasons. One thing I can assure you though, is that their last breath was peaceful. All they wanted was for you to be fine, and they knew you’d be.
No one from your family had a Guardian Angel for themselves because it’s actually a rare thing to get one assigned. You were part of the small percent who did attain one. I’m not just a creation from the depths of your dreams, but it was the only place through which I could communicate with you for the meantime. Our situation though... it’s a little complex, or different, but very special since it barely ever happens. Little to no chances, I mean. Again, I’ll leave that for you to figure out. Look out for my visit on the 28th, your birthday. Once you turn eighteen, I’m allowed to see you. Not in your dreams, or thoughts or imagination, just reality. See, right? I promised you. You won’t be spending your birthday alone anymore, and I never break my promises.
I also want you to know, your parents and grandparents; they’re fine, they’re resting well. I really am sorry that I was not able to do anything to save your parents, trust me, if I could have, I would’ve. Thank you, for always thinking so fondly of me and calling me your hero when you were young, even though you didn’t even know what I was. I’m glad you looked up to me. Don’t worry, and don’t cry, remember I can feel when you’re unhappy; I can already tell as I’m writing this letter that you are in tears. Don’t be, I know you frequently worry about your family, if they left happy or sad; or, if they left in peace or not. They’re totally happy in The Heavens, where nobody suffers. You don’t have to be concerned over them anymore, they’re in peace and their wish is for you to be too.
Yes, silly, Guardian Angels can age. Mine was just frozen at twenty until I meet you. I still have a lot of explaining to do but you have to figure out the important part first.
I hope this letter answered all your big questions, it seems like it did. I apologize again, that I couldn’t save your parents. But, do believe me, they’re all fine. Stop crying, it makes me sad too. I can’t wait to finally meet you, I’ve been already waiting more than eighteen years. Anyways, I’ll be ending this here, lovely. I know your grandma said it was only a note but this got longer than I had planned, oops. See you soon,
Na Jaemin, your Guardian Angel.
Your hands shook as the crippled letter fell from your trembling grip, tears running down your face uncontrollably. You wouldn’t say your cries were of anguish, but rather, peacefulness. Peace because now you finally knew your parents were fine, and peace within yourself after that discovery. It was a question you initially thought was impossible to get an answer for. For the longest time, you had felt guilty you were given a second chance while they were not; but, although you still firmly believed they were taken unfairly from you, at least you knew they were okay. Words were not enough to express how you currently felt. So, the world that you thought to be so ugly and malicious actually had things such as soulmates and Guardian Angels? You always doubted they existed, much less were you able to process you were gifted with the two. It never crossed your mind that the boy in your dreams, Na Jaemin, was the reason why you were even alive.
You always told yourself the world had so much to make up for after taking away your loved ones. Little did you know you had been meeting with the most important person in your life for the entirety of it. Suddenly, it was you who had to make up for so much. The question was, how would you do something greater than what Na Jaemin did for you? He was after all, your literal savior.
And you’d be meeting him soon.
November 28th finally arrived, your cold long gone as the time hit twelve o’clock at midnight. Anxiously, you looked down, and time felt like it had slowed. Although the seconds kept counting down just fine, you couldn’t help the shock that ran through your veins as you watched black, cursive words gradually show up on your wrist. ‘Hello, lovely.’ You exhaled with a shaky breath, gliding your finger over the words swiftly; they looked like they had been tattooed on your wrist for a long time now despite their recent appearance. Astonished, you cursed before glancing around your bedroom, unsure of what to do and completely ignoring the angel’s previous scolding for your bad habit of swearing. It all seemed unreal to you, but the constant burn of the pinching you inflicted upon yourself assured you it wasn’t. Your heart rate was beating at rapid speeds, and you began wondering if it would eventually thump out of your chest to escape from all the unstoppable adrenaline rushing chaotically through your entire body.
“Alright, calm down, fuck.” The angel could only watch you in amusement from afar, shaking his head at your raw language.
The midnight winds were tremendously cool as the winter temperatures continued to drop, the heater or the cosy clothing you currently wore were not enough to fully rid you of the icy atmosphere. You wished you’d meet the angel in your dreams, so you could be welcomed by a warm and sultry weather. Unfortunately, you had not gotten to see him after the day you read the long, messy letter he wrote. It was weird to not have the daily visions you had grown so accustomed to.
Somewhere during the very early hours of the morning, you managed to drift off into a deep sleep, unable to meet the angel once again. You woke up to a much more pleasant climate air, and you would’ve been happy about it if it weren’t for the many doubts you awoke with. It had been four days since you had last seen him. The usual scenery you always magically appeared in with the help of your brain didn’t develop in the deepness of your thoughts; you didn’t care about your birthday anymore, you cared for the boy from your dreams. You still had to learn to call him by his actual name, but it was harder than you expected when he had basically been nameless for most of your life. Na Jaemin, you had never heard that name around your town or anywhere else, it was just as unique as him.
“I heard you calling?”
You shrieked, tumbling off the bed and onto the hardwood floor as your chest heaved up and down in fear. Quickly, you stood up on your feet, where you locked wide eyes with the charming smile you always admired, a grin beaming with pearly whites showing through that could light up the whole world. There he stood gracefully, unlike you, wearing the same attire he had been sporting the last time you saw him; of course, minus the denim jacket you occasionally hugged to sleep. Instead of the same brown hair he always had, it was now a light shade of blonde, to the point where it nearly looked silver. Eyes still widened in alarm after his unexpected arrival, you carried on taking in his features and tall figure; lean and majestic, exactly as you had described him the first time. He was absolute breathtaking, and his beauty only seemed more glorious face to face; you were utterly speechless.
An almost quiet giggle went past his lips, a smile still adorning his features as he carefully approached you upon noticing your frozen state. There was a slight glow that outlined his physique, similar to the one you always caught sight of as a child, but not as strong. With gentle movements, his hand softly came up to cup your cheek, tenderly caressing at the skin before pulling you into a warm embrace. You gasped, his swift actions successfully bringing you out of your daze; and ultimately, with shaky hands, you wrapped your arms around his torso tightly as well. He hummed lowly in satisfaction at the feeling of your returned hug, already loving how it felt to finally be held by you.
Hugging him felt oddly nice to you, there was an emotion inside that you couldn’t quite describe, but you knew for sure it was a feeling you had never experienced before. You felt free and no longer alone, like you had known him your entire life; not just because of the dreams where the two of you conversed, it was a feeling more personal than that, like he had always been there with you. Not all your senses worked in your nightly thoughts, and only now were you able to bask in the sweet smell that engulfed him; he smelled like home. Like the tall, grassy grounds he was always sitting on under the same familiar oak tree as he waited for you. Like the roses and tulips that were fully bloomed in all their grandeur by summer time, and like the warm sunrays that never failed to make his skin naturally glow with dewiness. You had never smelled anything in your dreams, because it simply was impossible, but you didn’t have to; you knew right away he was the epitome of the place where you always met up, in all the five senses. The enthralling landscape, the soothing sounds of nature, the sweet taste of honeysuckles, the feeling of the flowing grasses, the earthy scent of threes and flowers; all put together into a human body.
Not only did he feel like home, but his embrace also provided a sensation of comfort and safety that nobody else could emulate. Your heart was beating rapidly, but this time it wasn’t out of shock, it was nervousness. You felt like you had made the biggest discovery ever, yet you were not sure what the find was. Still, everything somehow felt right amidst the thundering thump of your chest that rang loudly in your ears.
“Hello, lovely.” He whispered in your ear, feeling the smile on his face as his lips gently pressed against the side of your head.
Overcome with emotion, a tear ran down your cheek before slightly pulling away so you could properly look up at him. “Thank you, for saving me. Thank you so much... Jaemin. How will I ever repay you?”
“Silly,” he simply chuckled, “you don’t have to repay me with anything, meeting you is enough.”
You nodded as he ran his fingers through your hair, confessing, “I feel very comfortable around you, even though I just met you. Well, in person, I’m still confused.”
“It’s totally normal,” Jaemin replied as he pulled away from his tight embrace, softly patting your back, “technically, I’ve always been here, you just couldn’t see me. Reminds me; happy birthday, lovely.”
Heart fluttering at his words, you began feeling all giddy and fluffy inside despite not understanding the reason why. You could not fathom why he was having such a huge impact on you already. “I have a question.”
“Not surprised.”
“Do you, perhaps, have any wings or a halo?”
Jaemin giggles in amusement at your question, shaking his head. “I don’t, but I used to. We only have wings and halos when we’re in The Heavens, not on Earth. I’m meant to form part of Earth from now on, so I can’t really show you, except for the glow around my body. That, I choose whether I want you to see it or not.” You opened your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it. “Yeah, I’m still a Guardian Angel, your Guardian Angel specifically.”
Your cheeks flushed a faint tint of pink, muttering as you looked down at your feet, “stop reading my thoughts.”
“What? Are you scared I’m going to hear something naughty or weird one day? Don’t worry, I’ve heard plenty of those. Also heard multiple times you think I’m god-worthy handsome. Thanks, by the way. Its okay, it’s normal for me now. Just keep your thoughts in check, where did you learn all those dirty things, young lady?”
“Jaemin!” You screeched in embarrassment, your cheeks only becoming redder than they previously were, his grip tightening around you lovingly.
The boy shook with laughter, a melodious sound to your ears that you wanted to keep hearing for the rest of your life, and if it weren’t for the awful embarrassment you were experiencing, you would’ve surely relished in the contagious cackles more. Being with Jaemin was natural, it didn’t feel awkward at all, you instantly knew you could trust him with anything; besides, meeting him in your dreams for the past fifteen years was enough time to warm up to him.
“Come on,” you grabbed his hand, letting go not long after when a jolt shot through your arm. “What the hell! What was that?”
“You better stop cursing around me,” Jaemin jokingly warned, narrowing his eyes at you, “you have to find that out for yourself. I never thought you’d be this clueless, to be honest.”
“And lastly, this is the basement; tour is finally done! This used to be my grandparent’s house from mom’s side, where I spent my whole childhood in. My dad’s parents lived a little farther away and their house wasn’t roomy enough to take me, but they still visited here constantly; it felt like they all lived together, honestly.” You explained to the tall boy. You had decided to show him around, still rocking your hideous pajamas, but he didn’t seem to mind.
Jaemin hummed as he listened to you, eyes skimming over the wide, empty room; of course, he already knew every single part of your house like the back of his hand. He had been watching you your entire life, chances are he even recognized it better than you. Though, as he gazed at you with loving eyes, you seemed too excited showing him around so much that he chose to remain quiet and carry on pretending he was unfamiliar with everything surrounding him.
Your grandparent’s house was extremely welcoming; as most houses in your town, this was also built solely out of pure wood. It wasn’t exactly a cabin, but rather a small suburban home. Everything inside consisted of mostly vintage items left behind by your folks, the only modern objects around being the ones they had bought for you. As for the backyard, it wasn’t really spacious, but it was well appreciated and cared for since majority of the homes in the town didn’t have one. Your grandmother was always making sure her garden looked appealing at all times; and in memory of her, you would regularly keep it neat in spite of your hatred for gross bugs and itchy plants.
“I used to always come down here when I wanted to play with old stuff, like landline phones or typewriter machines, I thought they were quite fun.” You smiled automatically at the fond memories. “Oh! I also remember accidentally catching Grandpa and Grandma kissing, it was disgusting.”
Jaemin laughed, recalling the time you found your grandparents being way too romantic for your young mind to comprehend, and your startled eyes before running off as soon as you had identified the scene in front.
You sat down on the dusty wooden floors that were in strong needs of some good polishing and sweeping as you called Jaemin over. Complying, he took a seat next to you, creating a feeling of familiarity just like you would usually sit together in your dreams; except this time, the two of you were in a basement desperately screaming for a deep clean. You were certain his white clothes would be totally dirty by the time you left the room. “I forgot to tell you, you were right about the whole soulmate words thing.”
“Did you think it was a lie?” He cocked an eyebrow, paired with a sly smirk.
“No, no, that’s not what I meant!” You waved your hands in the air fearing he had gotten the wrong idea.
Giggling, he nodded and brought your hands down gently, “I know what you mean. Tell me about it.” He might’ve been a holy being, but he had never experienced love for endless decades. Now that he finally found you, he couldn’t stop the crazy thumping of his heart.
“Okay so, I stayed awake until midnight yesterday - well, today, actually... anyways - besides the point.” Jaemin smiled adoringly at your cute stutters and fumbled ranting. He had learnt years ago that you stumbled over your own words when you were ecstatic about something. Hearing your thoughts in the distance was nearly impossible when he was so close to you, and it was inevitable to catch what your mind was currently thinking. You were talking, but your mind kept saying he looked ethereal right now next to you, going as far as comparing him to the most prepossessing events from Earth itself and claiming he was still prettier. “So, as I was telling you, I stayed awake ‘till midnight and you were right! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I noticed small letters appear on my wrist out of the blue, it was freaky to see it firsthand. Do you want to see?”
A cocky smirk was threatening to show up on Jaemin’s lips sooner or later, whether it be for your thoughts about him or what you were about to find out; yet, he fought the feeling and simply agreed at your request. It felt like euphoria was devouring him whole, but outside, he maintained a serene stance when you raised your wrist up to his eyes. As expected by him but not by you, the words were no longer there. A piercing shriek that hurt his ears left you upon realizing your wrist was not marked with the cursive letters anymore. Jaemin could only internally crack up at the sight of you scrambling away in panic, rushing towards the small window on the wall to get a better look of your arm with the aid of the sunrays. There was, in fact, nothing there.
The angel pondered playfully, humming specially loud so you’d be able to catch the mischief in his tone, “I thought you wanted to show me something? I don’t see anything there.”
Eyes wide like they were about to jump out of their sockets, you turned to look at him with a frightened expression, whining. “What do you know that I don’t?”
With a grunt, Jaemin got up from the floor as he brushed off the dust on his clothes, rolling his eyes at your question. “Silly girl,” he approached, your feet moving backwards the closer he got, eventually stopping when your back hit the wall behind you, “you’re so bad at this game.” He smiled cheekily before flicking your forehead.
“Ow!”
“Lovely, what did I explain it meant when the words faded away? Do you remember what I first said when I arrived?”
Oh. You realized what the current situation was. Jaemin was your fated soulmate, and as always, you did not notice because you were distracted; unsurprisingly, distracted by him. “But you’re not exactly human? How is it possible?”
He shrugged, running a hand through your hair, “Heaven and God are complicated. Angels can have human soulmates if that’s how The Heavens decide it, the only benefit you get, is you get to know when you’ll meet them - unlike humans who have no idea if they’re even gonna be fated to somebody or they’ll leave the world tragically because of their wrongdoings. The downside is that angels can take thousands and thousands of years to meet their soulmate; I was lucky to only have to wait three hundred.”
“Three hundred years!? But how come you’re twenty years old, how did you become an angel? Does me feeling all happy and sappy around you have to do with all this?” You were freaking out, but you didn’t want him to misunderstand.
Jaemin nodded, pulling you down onto the floor with him again, “there are two different types of angels; angels and Guardian Angels. Angels are people that died before their innocence was tainted which is basically all newborns or young children; teenagers and adults can too, just not as often. Guardian Angels are beings created by God himself, so unlike angels, we never existed in Earth first.” His hands were fiddling nervously with the end of his t-shirt, fingers adorned with a few silver rings. “We’re only allowed to meet our soulmate until they turn eighteen, so our age freezes at twenty while we wait. Angels can’t see their soulmate like I did in your dreams, but since I’m your Guardian Angel, I’m required to watch and care for you at all times. So, it’s acceptable to reveal myself to you discretely. And yeah,” he sheepishly giggled, “that’s why you feel all happy and sappy around me. I do too.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I guess. Someone dumb like me can only handle so much information, Jaemin.”
He snickered. “Yeah, you’re right.”
You pushed him away playfully, a small smile lingering on your lips before a blush took over your features. You never had a boyfriend previously, and you had no idea what to do from now on. Jaemin looked lovely as ever, the attraction you had for him only heightening as the bond became stronger. His once fully white clothes were now slightly covered in dust, as so was his face. Despite that and his tinted cheeks that you assumed were like that because he intruded your thoughts once again, he was the same handsome boy from your dreams that never failed to make you smile. Now, he’d be by your side for more than your usual six hours of sleep, and you were thrilled, to say the least. Meeting him for real got your heart rushing and doing flips, you didn’t know what that initially meant; but now you were sure it had to be love. It felt strange to feel something as deep as love for someone you met minutes ago. Then again, Jaemin was more than a soulmate; he had basically been with you the entirety of your life, your love went higher than a mere soulmate bond. “So, what do we do now?”
Rosy cheeks, the angel was still not able to look at you after listening to your thoughts. He knew he had to stop doing that, but it wasn’t easy when they sounded so loud and tempting in his ears. “Can I kiss you? I’ve really wanted to kiss you the moment I saw you.”
A series of wild coughs took over you upon hearing Jaemin’s confession, your reaction only making him feel giddier than he already was. “I - sorry,” the attack in your throat gradually slowed down, “I’m just, Ive never had my first kiss before, I’m new to all of this.”
He scurried closer with cheeky eyes, the darkening daylight that managed to show through the tiny window in the room signaled that the sun was beginning to set, the basement now drowned in a vibrant, saturated mandarin shade. Your breath hitched instantly when he cupped your cheeks, his eyes fully sparkling with love and adoration for you, gaze traveling down your features until it landed on your lips. He wet his own unknowingly, slightly parting them as light, irregular puffs of breathes left him. Jaemin leaned in, closing the short gap that was once between the two of you until the same jolt of electricity from before warmly hit you.
His lips tasted sugary sweet, like he had been previously sucking at the nectar from the honeysuckles you loved to have in your dreams. Now, you were certain that there was indeed something sweeter than honesuckles. Not only did he taste sweet, he felt sweet too. His mouth moved against yours slowly, the rhythm at which you two kissed was a little bit sloppy, but neither of you cared about it; hands still gently holding your cheeks while your own found their preferred location, lightly grabbing at his shoulders. Jaemin pulled back, chest heaving with pants as he attempted to catch his breath, leaning in again after whispering lowly against your lips.
“Hadn’t had my first kiss either.”
“Na Jaemin, you’re supposed to be an angel from Heaven!”
The boy ignored your protests, keeping you trapped between his body and the wooden wall as he continued a fiery assault on your neck, lips trailing all the way down to your collarbones where he mercilessly sucked hard reds and purples at the delicate skin.
Months had quickly gone by after finding out the angel was your fated special someone, and time flew peacefully as your feelings for each other grew more and more at rapid lengths, if it was even possible to be any more infatuated than you already were. A lot of remarkable things had happened once Jaemin officially stepped into your life; you weren’t low-spirited anymore like you used to be, coming to terms with yourself that Jaemin was happiness itself, it was impossible to remain miserable with someone as bright as him around. Although your biggest dream had always been to visit the wonderful cities that you knew awaited outside your small town, you decided to stay here; often reminding you of the views you’d always encounter in your imagination whenever you met up with the angel, instead of your parents like you used to believe.
Christmas was the best holiday you had spent, drowning in all the love Jaemin cherished you with while his arms held you tightly to his body as you both cuddled in front of the warm fireplace, under large, fluffy blankets. Or, the softness of his lips that pressed against yours in utter passion after he had shamelessly placed random mistletoes all around the house as an excuse to kiss you all throughout winter. It was little things like that, that made you fall deeper for him. Spring was slowly coming to an end as summer prepared to engulf everybody in the heat of its shining sun and the hot temperatures that gradually became warmer every day. You couldn’t wait for the orangey sunsets that were soon to come so you could take Jaemin out to the small shops located along the river, accompanied by the relaxing sounds of the streaming fresh waters and forgotten 70’s songs that the old ladies from the stores never failed to play.
With time, you found out Jaemin was tremendously clingy and overwhelmingly sappy. For a while, he seemed absolutely pure, the tittle well deserved since he did belong to the vast heavens that he described as divinely glorious. You believed him, for his looks and personality where the exact same. Though, your perception of innocence that you had for him might’ve gone overboard, because even a harmless angel like him could sometimes overflow with a burning fire of love and want.
“Are you even allowed to do things like this?” You whined under his towering frame, refusing to let out any sounds of satisfaction. He was supposed to be a holy and saint being, yet here he was, licking and biting at your skin with no remorse. No matter how hard you tried to keep quiet, the shocks of pleasure that his naughty kisses sent throughout you entire body were inevitable and tough to neglect, when the feeling was so exquisite.
He was panting with need, wasting no time in taking off both your shirts as his hands instantly began roaming around your unconvered, warm skin, pulling you impossibly closer to him, “it’s fine.” His hands slowly moved up towards your flushed face, taking their own sweet time to run over your tummy and all the way up to your chest, which received special extra attention, until he eventually reached your cheeks and brought you into a rough kiss. Jaemin’s lips devoured you like there was no tomorrow, like he was a starved man, occasionally biting gingerly at your lower lip before lightly swiping his tongue across, engaging the wet muscles in a battle he would surely win. “Please, touch me.”
You pulled away shortly with ragged breaths, lips a cherry red and fully swollen from all the endless sucking he had inflicted on them. “Na Jaemin, are you sure this is right? I’ve never done anything dirty yet I swear I feel like I’m corrupting you so bad-”
“Stop swearing, it’s wrong.”
Jaw dropped in disbelief, you glanced up at the shirtless boy who still had you pressed against the wall with no way out, “I - you’re saying that while trying to get into my pants! I’m pretty sure swearing is the least of concerns here.”
“I’m not the one who’s thinking about sex all the time, you expect me to go through my day calmly when you’re thinking such naughty stuff?” Jaemin whined with a pout, running his fingers through his blonde locks in frustration before unexpectedly picking your flustered self up. He hurriedly carried you towards the bedroom, ignoring your loud screams demanding to put you down as he gently threw your body onto the soft mattress. “I’m literally a teenage boy, I have needs and your thoughts don’t help,” he kept complaining, “this is totally normal, it’s fine as long as it is with your soulmate, I promise. Now, please, woman.” The angel proceeded to leave a trail of feathery, wet kisses down your neck again, eyes landing on your bra straps before they locked with your gaze and wordlessly asked for permission.
Nodding slowly, you pulled Jaemin down and locked lips once again; though, this time it felt like all your unsaid emotions were pouring out into the desperate kiss, love being the biggest one swimming in the pools of several, different sentiments. He returned the kiss delicately as your hands slightly tugged at the little hairs that rested on the back of his neck, eliciting tiny moans and groans that rumbled in his hard chest. Breaths of pleasure that you swallowed escaped his mouth, the kiss progressively becoming messier and harsher as you allowed yourselves to get lost in the euphoric feeling of your bodies pressed close together, the warmth the radiated from your bare skin igniting a huge fire of arousal within the two of you.
“I love you. So much.” Jaemin pecked your lips one last time with a sincere smile, hands gliding over your shoulder blades as they unclasped your bra, gently sliding off the straps with eyes that twinkled with nothing but absolute love, lust and devotion. “I’m gonna take you higher than Heaven.”
“Jaemin! Don’t be rude!” Right then and there, you knew you were exactly where you were meant to be; in the arms of your lover as he showed you a deeper intimacy than you had ever shared before. Despite all you had gone through, life gifted you with the greatest present, Na Jaemin. You didn’t have to dream anymore to feel at home, he brought it with himself.
A celestial angel, indeed. Life was no longer unbearable for you, it was the best thing ever; and you were ready to live it at its fullest.
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The Top Six SCP’s
So, today I want to summarize some of the top SCP’s in a non-scary way. SCP stands for Secure, Contain, Protect. It is a collaborative fiction website that allows anyone to contribute. The gist of SCP is for contributors to write fictional but realistic scientific logs about supernatural entities and artifacts. Classic internet Creepypasta definitely inspires and overlaps with SCP, but not all entries are scary or short.
The word SCP describes...
The whole concept of this fiction - “Have you ever heard of SCP?”
the fictional organization - “The SCP foundation sometimes has some pretty questionable ethics when trying to contain these monsters:
Individual entries - “My favorite SCP is the magic toilet that’s a portal to hell!”
For me, the appeal is in the little intricacies. Specifying the dimensions of the creature, the scientific process used to test its abilities, secondhand evidence of what it can do without just outright showing. I enjoy that typically there is no attempt made to explain the origin of the object or creature’s power, only the limits. For example...
SCP-173 is the original one, as far as I can tell. Originally, it was an image of a creepy statue just posted on 4chan with a description of how it can move and kill you when you aren’t looking, but then people started copying that style and making their own entries until it became a thing.
SCP gets much bigger than individual entries: there are fan games, fan art, whole organizations and recurring characters, but I prefer the Lovecraftian, almost Twilight Zone-esque single entries. Maybe if I really get into an SCP phase this time, I’ll check out the bigger stuff, but for now I just wanna describe some of the singular entries in a way that isn’t too spooky. Also I wanted to do this by starting at the highest rated SCP of all time and then working downward, with the highest being SCP-173 as the progenitor. Now, keep in mind that SCP is unified and collaborative, so each of these entries is written by a different author. That is part of why I have little interest in the larger story lines when they are not bound by one canon.
●●|●●●●●|●●|● is the second highest rated SCP, and for good reason. It shows a creepy image of a shadowy monster, then a series of wordless IKEA-esque instructions that describe the creature. For example, a little cute graphic explains that writing down the creature’s name will summon him and cause him to steal the paper his name was written on. On the other hand, speaking his name will cause him to whisk away the human who spoke his name. This one is particularly clever and eye catching, as you are wondering right off the bat why the name is so unusual and why there are no words. This is my favorite kind of SCP: one that makes the reader do some of the legwork to make it satisfying when you figure out what the deal is with this SCP.
SCP-____-J is the third highest rated and not remotely scary! It is the shortest SCP entry I have ever seen and is simply described as a rock that makes you procrastinate, hence the shortness of the entry and even lack of real number. This is what I mean when i say indirect: you are shown proof that the rock does in fact make the assign researcher procrastinate, rather then a description of how his life has fallen into shambles because of procrastination. It’s not high art, but I really appreciate cleverness.
SCP-049 is the fourth highest rated and the first one of these that I would describe as an archetypal entry. 049 looks like a plague doctor, but seems to be able to instantly kill living things but also reanimate corpses. The entry describes several interviews with the doctor, where he keeps talking about curing the “Pestilence” when asked why he kills and then reanimates living things he comes into contact with. This one is a lot of fun because it is mildly creepy, but not scary by any means. Most of the entry is describing his actions and interviews while in captivity and being tested. He talks to the researchers as fellow men of science and is honestly surprised when they don’t appreciate his “cure”. It’s a little cheesy, especially the dialogue, but this one is fun.
SCP-087 is the fifth highest rated and great classic example that isn’t an object or an entity, per se. This one is simply a dark staircase that extends infinitely and perpetually has the cry of a child just out of sight. Furthermore, all people who enter the staircase report the sight of a sudden appearance of a featureless face. Finally, there was a 2 week period of knocking coming from the door that leads into the staircase. I love this because it is a little freaky and leaves a lot to the imagination. Is it a ghost? Is this whole thing just a singularly entity trying to trap visitors? No explanation is given, and that is what I love about SCP in general. Three logs are provided that detail specific incursions into the staircase, but that goes beyond my interest in the simplicity of the concept.
SCP-055 is the sixth highest rated and another great example of a “memetic hazard”. This is a common type of SCP, and the “he who must not be named” and “procrastinating rock” entries above are also examples. “Memetic hazard” means that the object or entity can influence people just by being thought about, in a nutshell. The actual SCP puts a fine point on the difference between cognito, memetic, and info hazards, but I am summarizing here. What I am trying to say is that a lot of these entries are about creatures whose powers affect the way they can be written about, and SCP-055 is the ultimate example. The entry simply describes all the ways that nobody knows anything about it. No one at the foundation knows where it came from, what it looks like, what it can do. Researchers that look at it suddenly can’t remember as soon as they look away. Writing down what it looks like will let you remember as long as you look at the paper, then forget as soon as you look away from the paper. Even looking away from the thing itself will cause you to forget that it ever existed in the first place. Again, this isn’t outright terrifying, but it is a neat read to see all the little tests they performed to find the limit of this thing’s “unknowability”.
That’s all I have time for today! If I continue this, I might just pick back up at number seven (simply a big, deadly, invincible reptile) or I might focus on some of the more famous SCP’s (infinite IKEA) or some of my favorite lesser known ones (the DVR basketball game where the people in the game slowly start to become aware of the time loop).
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hullo pls can you tell me about your clone ocs?? any and all of them would be just lovely :D
Lieutenant Six! He’s a supply officer in Coruscant Guard Aviation Support Squadron 66. (They handle logistics and are also an OC squadron! So they don’t have pilots but deal with maintenance, parts, ordnance, etc..) Conveniently he’s CT-60-3102 which also adds up to six- twice. He likes making the kind of jokes that are usually way too obvious for most people to actually make, indulging in clone humor, and has a very optimistic personality. He’s creative with language (and chewing people out lol), but does not excel at lateral thinking and is routinely defeated by bureaucracy and his inability to think outside the box, (but that’s what he has friends for.) Very nice guy, will absolutely go out of his way to help you, but struggles with coming up with creative solutions on his own.
Trooper Eyes-up! He’s on the younger side and also in the Coruscant Guard where he works at the detention center. He got his nickname in very unfortunate and embarrassing circumstances wherein commanders Fox and Thorn caught him doing something he absolutely should not have been doing and told him to bring his “eyes up here, shiny!” So they gave him his name which he’ll never live down. He’s curious, enjoys reading, and is prone to pushing boundaries when he shouldn’t. But he’s also honest and owns up to his screw-ups and is kind of resigned to routinely getting shit for the nonsense he gets himself into, but people love him for it because the fallout is amusing. He was unfairly blamed for bringing granite slugs into one of the barracks (which then proceeded to eat the duracrete walls and cause a problem that only flame troopers could ultimately fix.) He’s good at reading people emotionally but his risk vs reward calibration is a little off. In worlds where Order 66 happens, Eyes-up never participates though the rest of his unit does- this is because his latest screw-up put him on SUFR duty (”sweeping up the fucking rain”), Fox telling him to stay outside in the rain and keep sweeping until it was completely dry. Well the ground was still wet when Order 66 was activated, and Eyes-up’s visceral fear of upsetting the commanding officer of the entire Coruscant Guard overrode his in-built compliance with Order 66, so he stayed and swept up the rain while his brothers went on to worse and darker things. :(
Corporal Corr: the Coruscant Guard Corpsman who ‘mysteriously’ has not managed to promote to sergeant (and likely never will....👀) He works under Thorn in the Diplomatic Service, is a great connoisseur of alcohol, and goes extremely hard for the Coruscant Guard (and nurtures a rivalry with 501st guys whenever they go planet-side for whatever.) He’s very serious about the concept of CG brotherhood and becomes a fixture in Diplomatic Service initiation rites (where shinies are ‘officially’ inducted into the group after their first milestone) to the point where he pretty much leads them. Part of this involves shinies mixing a drop of their blood into red paint, and then their older brothers in the CG mix in their own blood as well. The ex-shinies then use the paint for their armor. Corr has been implicated in brewing his own barracks moonshine which Fox and Thorn let him get away with just long enough to let him finish the process so they could see how good the final product actually was when they confiscated it. Corr also has an agreement with Toast clone, where he trades alcohol for the bread that Toast makes in a crematorium oven that’s non-operational on official records but which is very much operational in a hushed, practical sense. (He also has Toast score the bread surface with the pattern of the CG symbol because he can’t help himself, and has tattoos of the CG armor armbands and legbands actually over his arms and legs. Some might describe Corr as overzealous, but he believes you need passion and strong bonds in life or you have nothing. [This guy is also kind of a joint OC with my friend who runs a Coruscant Guard blog here!]
Are you sick of the Coruscant Guard yet? Well I have 12 more guardsmen alone where this came from and 13 if you count this next guy; I wasn’t kidding when I said I had half a platoon worth of OCs.
Kov, rank to be determined, pronounced like “cove.” (I might change the spelling to better reflect that.) He’s in one of the Special Tactics Groups of the Coruscant Guard, a unit which I made up to work kind of like a SWAT team. He and his STG are also part of a designated force that can respond extremely quickly to developing situations and get there first to deal with the trouble before anybody else comes in. His STG’s motto is “made to kill, decanted to die” and he has a target tattooed over the side of his face to go with it. (They get shit from non-CG and units that think all they do is give out parking tickets and stand around looking pretty in the Senate building- these guys very much do not do that.) His face is very expressive, and he’s decisive, straightforward, and unfortunately comes off as kind of low on empathy. He wants people to see him as very pragmatic though he’s actually rather idealistic and kind of naive about certain things. He and his best friend are very interested in plants- Kamino didn’t have any, and they’re generally rare on Coruscant. There’s something calming and ‘constant’ about them that he enjoys. He likes taking photos of the ones they find together and looking them up later to learn about nature/biology. Kov learns he really likes children, but is uncertain/a little afraid to let himself interact with them because he’s worried about what sort of influence he’d have on them (and on a deeper level whether he’d learn from them that he’s not actually the person he thinks he is or tries to be.) He and a Twi’lek woman who immigrated from Ryloth sort of fall into a relationship without meaning to, and they both learn a lot from each other and grow as people. (I’m planning on having her take him to a botanical garden that he had no idea existed, and sometime during their visit he realizes he loves her even. He has trouble putting it into words in his mind, but he definitely knows.)
Okay last one, I’m sorry! :(
Lieutenant Rakia of the 212th, part of Slick’s direct chain of command. He goes through Geonosis with his best friend and batchmate Arak. When they were cadets on Kamino, and Arak’s helmet saved his life during a training accident but was partially shattered, and Rakia’s random compulsion to bend down and pick up a shard of the helmet inadvertently saved his life too during this incident. Arak and Rakia kept the small plastoid chunk, carved designs over its surface, and exchanged custody of it for years. Before Geonosis Arak gave it to Rakia. Rakia survives but somehow can’t find the chunk where it’s supposed to be in his utility belt, like it just disappeared, and Arak goes missing and is presumed KIA during the battle. On a deep internal level, Rakia has similar realizations to Slick, but because his personality is different he takes that in another direction. He doubles down on a deep trust and faith in the Republic and the Jedi because he’s subconsciously afraid of what it means about his life and purpose if those things are not the things he should believe in. He sees that they’re all cogs in a machine, but his response is that that’s a good thing. He finds something very personally significant about the idea that all those tiny cogs come together to become something much bigger. So his own internal tendencies towards a collective approach and trusting the leadership he was instructed to trust all his life just get kicked up to higher levels after Geonosis in the face of his anxieties.
In normal speech he’s casual and kind of playful, but when he gets angry he becomes overly explicit/didactic about things and snaps a lot to the point where he can be condescending even without meaning to be. Rakia has an artistic side but doesn’t get to explore it much at first. He’s clean-shaven and lets his curls grow out a bit because he likes how he looks that way, but otherwise looks like everyone else and doesn’t want to visually distinguish himself from his brothers too much besides the slightly longer hair. He wants to be someone others look up to and tries to ignore/deny parts of himself that he doesn’t feel fit that ideal image he wants others to see. Part of that ties into him really struggling with grief but not even allowing himself to contend with it and find closure, stuffing it back down and ignoring it to negative effect. It also ties in to him resisting discovering himself as an individual beyond a certain point/his comfort zone because he’s afraid that will isolate himself from his brothers, but resisting that (and continuing to deny his grief/keep it bottled down) ends up doing that exactly, leading him to feel cut off and alone in certain ways that compound the problem in a bad spiral. (He gets out of it, I promise.) So because Slick is busy developing his own radical ideas and solutions which he can tell no one about (on top of feeling like he’s the only one who’s cottoned on to something nobody else can see,) that’s isolating too, and he and Rakia understand each other a lot better than they think they do in some respects, regardless of their disagreements.
I know you didn’t ask for a six paragraph essay. Sorry I just really love these guys.😅
#my stuff#my writing#asks#Rakia is an alcohol from the Balkans and Central Europe#Arak is an alcohol from the Near East/nearby regions#I don't really even drink but I liked those names so I made them into clone names#and made them batchmates#I love Rakia so much
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Speaking about disability in fiction, would you say Toph from a:tla is one of the best written disabled character? Is there anything that could've been improved about her character?
DEAR FUCKING GOD do I love Toph. I would humbly submit to have Lady Toph “The Blind Bandit” “The Runaway” “Greatest Earthbender of All Time” “Inventor of Metalbending” Beifong harvest my organs to achieve eternal life if such a thing were possible. There are a ton of things that Avatar: the Last Airbender does really well when characterizing Toph, and a few I wish they’d done differently. [PLEASE NOTE: I am nondisabled, so if I err, please tell me so.]
Is she one of the best-written disabled characters?
She’s certainly a damn cool character whose disability informs but does not define her. I can’t really say if she’s “the best” or one of, because I haven’t read everything, but I can say that I really like her.
First of all, her story is intersectional AS FUCK. Toph’s gender, her disability, and her social class are so inextricably linked that there’s no analyzing any single element in a vacuum. She’s all about being tough and independent. Partially that’s about being underestimated because of her disability. Partially that’s about being commodified because of her gender. Partially that’s about being privileged due to her upper-class upbringing. All three interact to inform her identity.
“Tales of Ba Sing Se” shows that blindness bars Toph from certain aspects of femininity — she can’t perform the traditional motions of making herself up, attracting young men, being pretty and delicate — which causes her to embrace a more accessible masculine identity. “The Runaway” shows that Toph enjoys femininity as well as masculinity, but that she struggles to build nurturing relationships when she’s concerned with appearing weak, and that that sometimes leads her to cross ethical boundaries. “The Chase” and “Bitter Work” are all about how Toph values her independence above all else — because she’s had to struggle against her gender and disability influencing others’ perceptions, but also because she’s had the privilege to avoid helping others due to her social class. In “The Ember Island Players” she loves being represented by a big tough strong man, but she also clearly associates masculinity with power in a way that becomes troubling when contrasted with Aang’s horror at being played by a woman. Etcetera.
Even the whole Earth Kingdom’s role as a sort of middle rung of imperialism – less powerful than the Fire Nation, more powerful than the Water Tribes and Air Nomads — informs both the relative strictness of its gender roles and the ability of individual Earth citizens to subvert those roles. Toph’s identity, like the identities of the other Avatar characters, is inextricably linked to her position in society.
Secondly, Toph has a lot of the features of a complex and agentic character, and her disability is neither ignored nor centralized. She’s often right, as when she becomes the first person to trust Zuko and the only person capable of making Aang an earthbender. She’s often wrong, as when she tries to justify theft with a “they started it” argument or belittles Sokka for being a non-bender. She’s often somewhere in between, as when she chooses to let Appa get taken by sandbenders in order to protect her friends or gets into screaming matches with Katara over matters of procedure.
There’s also the fact that Toph interacts with certain environments differently based on her blindness, drawing attention to (in)accessible aspects of those environments the others wouldn’t have necessarily noticed. She finds sand and wood flooring inconvenient, she hates navigating water and ice, and she initially avoids walking on metal. Although she’s not a big fan of flying, she mostly adapts as long as her friends actually remember that she can’t navigate when they’re on Appa’s saddle.
When conflicts do occur with the environment, Toph puts the onus on the environments and on other people to adapt or help her to adapt. She’s amused and annoyed when Sokka tries to fake correspondence between her and Katara, or stupidly asks why she doesn’t like libraries. She rips the bottoms off of her shoes. She calls attention to her inability to do things like scan the ground while flying when her friends are at risk of forgetting. She plays into others’ assumptions to try and get onto ferries or get away with breaking the law.
Another thing I like: the art style for Toph avoids the trap of “draw sighted person, change eye color, call it a day.” She doesn’t turn to face people most of the time when she’s talking to them, but also doesn’t seem totally clueless as to their relative locations. She gets the lay of the land by stomping her feet or pressing a hand against the ground, not turning to “look” in various directions. She doesn’t bother to keep her hair from blocking her eyes, because her bangs don’t interrupt any sight lines. She’s neither a comically blind character who apparently can’t navigate at all with sound or touch, nor a dramatic “blind” character whose every action comes off as those of a sighted character. Toph repeatedly mentions that she doesn’t get the value in sight, clapping back at the assumption that of course she’d want to be nondisabled.
[Image description: A screenshot from “The Chase,” which shows Toph shouting at Katara, with her face turned away from Katara. Toph is pointing in anger, making it clear that she’s addressing Katara and that she knows Katara’s location relative to herself based on Katara’s voice.]
One last small but important victory for Avatar: it passes the Fries Test. It has two or more disabled characters — I can explain why Zuko counts as disabled if anyone’s not sure — who survive to the end of the story without being cured, and who have their own narratives rather than existing primarily to educate nondisabled characters. As a bonus, they have at least one conversation with each other about something that isn’t disability-related. The Fries Test is meant to be a minimum standard for representation, much like the Bechdel Test, but it’s still nice to know that Avatar passes.
[Image description: A screenshot from “The Ember Island Players,” which shows Zuko and Toph sitting on the floor in a hallway of the theater, talking about the play and about Zuko’s uncle.]
Is there anything that could’ve been improved about her character?
If I ruled the world, or at least the Avatar writers’ room, I’d start with two changes. One’s small-ish, one’s big and controversial.
The small-ish change: tweak Toph’s narrative to make her earthbending super-abilities less directly counter to her blindness. As it is, she has shades of a superpowered supercrip: a disabled character from SF whose superpower primarily acts to nullify their disability, thereby giving them the lived experience of a nondisabled person for most or all of the narrative. Toph is definitely not an egregious example — she’s not Daredevil, who can use his superpowers to read handwritten papers, navigate unfamiliar environments, “feel” colors, detect tiny gestures, and shoot guns. She does embody experiences with blindness like disorientation when flying and frustration with hanging posters. She just also has several instances of not experiencing blindness when she (as she puts it) “sees with earthbending.” I’m not sure what that tweak would look like, precisely, but I’d like to see one all the same.
The bigger change: I’d cast a different voice actor. Jessie Flower is, based on what little I can find on Wikipedia or IMDB, not blind or visually disabled. Disability rights activists are right now fighting hard against the trend of “cripping up,” wherein nondisabled actors use mimicry or makeup to pretend to have disabilities on TV and in the movies. Avatar doesn’t go that far, because it doesn’t have Jessie Flower onscreen in (for instance) contacts that mimic blindness. However, it nevertheless does not cast a blind actor for the role. The issue here is that disabled actors are almost never allowed to play nondisabled roles… and disabled actors are also almost never allowed to play disabled roles either. By failing to find a blind voice actor, the show denied that opportunity to a less-privileged talent.
The Guardian compares the issue to the way that cis actors of the wrong gender are too-often cast in trans roles, men used to play female characters onstage, and white actors used to play black characters in American movies. I never know how much those comparisons make sense, because among other things they completely ignore intersections of those identities. But I also think that it’s sometimes the best way to help people understand why excuses like “but it’s haaaaaaarrd to find blind female actors of Asian descent” don’t hold water.
And here’s where I go from “slightly controversial” to “extremely controversial” and might have to enter Witness Protection. Avatar is getting a live-action adaptation in a few months. I predict that it will cast a nondisabled actor to play Toph. And I predict that the same voices which (rightly!) raised such a cry against “racebent” white actors playing Aang and Katara will be completely silent on the topic of “abilitybent” actors playing Zuko and Toph. I’m saying this on Tumblr partially to get this statement out there:
I am an Avatar: the Last Airbender fan who will ONLY support the live-action show if it casts disabled actors to play disabled characters.
I’m saying it partially because I hope to be proven wrong, either because a blind actress will be cast as live-action Toph or at the very least because Avatar fans will object when a sighted actress is cast. I’m also saying it because I think that fans can and should protest responsibly when marginalized voices are erased by beloved works of fiction. Will casting a blind actress require more “work” to make the set accessible? Probably. Will casting a blind actress perhaps necessitate more CGI for fight scenes than using a sighted one? Maybe. Will it be worth it to cast a blind actress anyway, so that a girl with the lived experience of Toph can portray her on screen and actually get the chance to break into an industry that bars most blind girls from participating? YES.
#toph beifong#avatar#atla#avatar the last airbender#nothing to do with animorphs#disability studies#disability representation#blindness#atla criticism#intersectional feminism#long post#atla meta#anonymous#asks
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daydreams
bakugo x y/n
You were known to never fall short in the creative field. There was always a daydream you were clinging on to during your daily life, no matter what were doing. Your mind always being a little too dull to be in active conversations with other classmates. They didn’t mind it, because your quirk depended on the creativity of your daydreams.
But up until recently, there’s been an individual who has been in the center of your day dreams for a couple of weeks now. He’s been keeping your mind more busy than it ever has and it honestly has made your social interactions deplete. Simply because you become so preoccupied with just the thought of him you can’t speak anymore.
It was Katsuki Bakugo.
The worst possible pairing for you honestly. Your quirk was “fantasy land”, it created hallucinations based off the dreams of your days. Its weakness was rude awakenings, awakenings that Bakugo makes all the time. He’s always shouting from the back of the classroom. Always berating others and constantly bullying poor Deku.
You knew exactly how you felt and the cause these sudden intrusions on your mind, but like hell would you accept it. He’s the exact opposite of your own personality. A soft delicate soul whose mind was never quite there, forever lost in a dream that could never exist.
And now all of sudden your mind was slamming these, these, these attractions to Bakugo at you? The audacity.
Just how exactly would you ever be able to fight with Bakugo constantly bringing you to reality every time? Asui to your right roughly shakes your shoulder, bringing you down from a day dream high.
“y/n-chan are you okay?” you smile and nod your head yes with the usual absentmindedness you held.
“Oi, Oi, OI DEKU,” from behind in the way back of the classroom, someone shouted in the once peaceful atmosphere. Your mood sank down really quickly and your head slid onto your desk as a way to escape the chaos. You crossed your legs underneath the desk being wary of how the skirt went in case Mineta’s eyes were wandering.
The commotion continued to die down in your ears as you began to slip back into your daydreams and thoughts flooding of Bakugo once again. But it was really short lived because a body came crashing into yours just seconds later. Breath left your body in a rash exhale as it was knocked out of your lungs and your head got banged against the person sitting in front of you.
“Bakugo!” someone yelled. Your back started to ache as the other being sprawled out on your back pushed off you rather roughly.
“Why the hell did you throw me dumbass!” that was unmistakingly Bakugo’s voice yelling behind you. Your body thumped at the thought of having physical interactions with him, even if it was because he was thrown into you.
“Enough about that, you guys hurt y/n!” Uraraka yelled next to you. You could feel her hands paw at your shoulder and then at your neck to check to see if you were still breathing. Seeing as you were, she let out a huge breath of relief and proceeded to whirl back around and lecture the hell out of the boys involved in the incident.
As she was unleashing hell on them you took your head off of Todoroki’s back. He was just as stunned as you were when he turned around to look at you. Muttering a small apology you went to rise out of your chair, the feeling of your skirt cascade back down your legs. Your head was starting to throb a little not only due to it being bashed into Todo-kun’s back, but because the overwhelming thoughts of Bakugo.
It was conflicting and it caused you great milestones of stress. The left side of your brain was pulsating with every step you took to get out of the room. What you were experiencing was another set back from your quirk - overproduction. Being in a dreamy mental state was always good for your quirk, but being knocked out of it too many times a day only to return to deep thoughts right after causes trauma.
The door slid to the left and right back as you closed it behind you. Heading straight to Recovery Girl would be your best bet. There’s not much she can do, but the rooms of beds in there is just as good as any medicine for you. Students passed by you roaring and making much noise if they were walking with close friends. You don’t want to admit it, but even though you’re on friendly terms with everyone in the classroom, you don’t have someone walking you to the nurse’s office.
And in a world filled with daydreams, it is one of the most loneliest things.
Your feet lazily dragging the rest of the way, you slid open the door to Recovery Girl’s office. In her chair, she swirled back around with her feet just slightly hanging over the seat. Recognizing you, she gestured to one of the spare beds with her hand. Closing the door behind you, you went to the bed.
Lying down was the best medicine for you, but it leaves you alone with your thoughts. Your thoughts aren’t always daydreams with rainbows and images of Bakugo. It’s inescapable the feeling of loneliness accompanying you along the way to the room. Lying down next to you in bed and cuddling into your neck, whispering doubts and miseries into your ear. You’re able to block them out because you know that his alluring words have no meaning or any truth to be held to them.
But it does get annoying.
Ignoring the soothing voice of the physical embodiment of loneliness, you drift into a dreamless sleep.
Bleary eyes and stiff limbs were a result for sleeping like plank for the past hour. Your headache was gone and the cold comfort that was canoodling you disappeared as well. Surprising, he’s always there with a good morning kiss of gloominess. In his place was a weight on your right leg, unfamiliar to you. With the creaking of your neck, you looked to side and saw spiky, fluffy blonde hair resting their head on the bed. Their hand was gripping your thigh as they calmly sat there.
You blinked once, then twice. This is a daydream right? Have finally lost the grips of reality and dripped off into the realm of your mind? Are you dreaming now?
Bakugo had the weird sense that someone was watching him and when he raised his head, he saw that he was right. You were quizzically gazing at him, your eyes far away in whatever land you wanted to reside within your mind. He released his hand from your thigh with a cough and sat up straight in the chair Recovery Girl gave him to sit in.
“Why are you staring at me like that dumbass,” his words were harsh on your ears and it rudely made you escape the daydream occupying you. Waking from a daydream to such a rude awakening always hits you like jumping into a cool pool on a hot summer day.
“Why are you here?” you answered back with a question. It seemed to catch him off guard because his back straightened a bit more and he was no longer looking into your eyes. He was seeming to find the wooden floors of the room rather interesting.
It took him a bit of time to find an appropriate answer that wouldn’t sound like he was worried for you or anything...
“You just disappeared after I rammed into your back in the classroom and round face made me go look for you, don’t think anything else of it,” you saw right through him. There’s absolutely no way that Uraraka-chan would send this hot-head to come and look for you. She knew how violent he was and what an opposite he was to you. No balance in anything you two did together. Whether it be you were fighting against or which each other in hero training.
“Oh okay, well thank you,” you had a dreamy smile on your face and went to place a hand on his shoulder. Bold move you were initiating there. If you were right about your skeptics, you’d be on cloud 9 more than you were right now. If not? Well that’s something to think about if he slaps your hand off of him. After two seconds of your hand being on his shoulder he didn’t move or away or show indication that he would reject your physical touch.
Instead he started insulting you the way Bakugo does with everyone, well he was more scolding than anything else. But his use of the word dumb ass was extremely potent to your quirk. Every time he said it was like feeling the scorn of the earth being thrown at you. Each time the word was spoken you flinched from it, barely noticeable to everyone else. But after four uses of the word Bakugo picked up on the subtle action, your eyes flickered and your smile would falter for the split of a second.
So he stopped using it.
It took you a minute of him speaking for you to notice, but my god when you did your heart swelled. Did he notice how you felt about that word and what it did to you? It was very surprising seeing that is was one of his most Favorited words to use regarding his vocabulary. You smiled a little wider now, even though he was scolding you, he was mindful of harsh words being used.
You pulled the cover on you legs further up your body as it was getting a little chilly. Bakugo didn’t seem to mind the slight lower temperatures but he noticed that you did.
“Give me your hand dream boat,” you flushed at the compliment but he didn’t seem to know that it was a compliment. Just another nickname. You took your hand from underneath the cover and let it rest in his. His hands were surprisingly smooth and only slightly bigger than yours. But what was most evident was the heat emitting from his palms, was he trying to warm you up? It was silent in the room for a minute or two before Bakugo broke the silence, still busying himself with warming your hands with his own.
“y/n, I know I’m damn awesome but I also know that I’m not gentle enough for you. I’m not good at it and I’m not good at being quiet either,” he admitted a little loud in the silent room.
“It’s difficult to be considerate of how my words affect you, you’re just so damn weak sometimes y/n,” he scoffed at you. Only he can insult you and compliment you so genuinely at the same time.
“Bakugo-” you tried to start but the look he gave you shut you up immediately.
“What is it, why the hell did you stop talking,” he aggressively spoke. You blinked.
“You looked like you were going to kill me,” Bakugo gripped your hands a little more tightly now and squinted his eyebrows menacingly at you.
“What the hell does that mean?” he questioned.
“You’re doing it right now, your face,” you gestured to the mirror on the wall next to the beds. He got up quickly and went to look and sat there for a minute. You watched him in the mirror as he examined himself. He grunted before back around to look at you.
“All I see is a damn handsome man,” he turned went back to the chair he was sitting in. He grabbed your hands again and went back to what he was doing with warming them up.
“But y/n, as I was saying earlier I don’t have a fu-” he paused then continued, “a fricking clue on how to be gentle for you, so if this is too rough let me know,” you tilted your head in confusion at what he meant. That didn’t make any sense, he’s been so gentle with you since he came into this room.
“What do you mean,” you questioned. His red eyes stared into yours before he ‘tched’ himself then grabbed the back of your head. It wasn’t too much of a forceful action, but he did bring you closer to his face in order to kiss you.
Like actually kiss you. Your lips on his lips, his lips on your lips. Playing the tango of the tongues (not really) swapping spit, sucking each other’s face. The whole gist of it.
You weren’t day dreaming it this time.
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Couple Theory
Name: Lucy
Age: 24
Location: Glebe
Occupation: Bush Regenerator
Sexual Orientation: Lesbian
Gender: Female
Name: Aisling
Age: 21
Location: Glebe
Occupation: Customer Service
Sexual Orientation: Queer
Gender: Female
Lucy – I feel like I’m still figuring out how I’m comfortable presenting because I didn’t come out till I was twenty, which was quite a time after I realised I was gay at sixteen. When I moved to Sydney I really wanted to show people that I was queer, and with much of my influence being from the internet, I wore a lot of the stereotypical lesbian clothing I saw on there – mostly sporty sorts of clothing – but as I’ve gone through, whenever I find something that I don’t hate myself in I wear it over and over again until something new comes along. Recently I’ve been vibing with the look of boots, singlet tops, and making my tattoos very visible. I make myself look somewhat unapproachable with my resting face being a frown, and my outfits being if not aggressive, then non-welcoming, but if people do actually come up to me I really want people to like me, so it all falls away.
Aisling – My daily presentation is just the easy T-shirts and jeans, lots of bouldering merch, maybe a button up if I’m being a little fancy, just a classic chapstick lesbian.
Lucy – Where did your inspo for that come from?
Aisling – What? Jeans and a shirt? Does that need inspiration? I guess I tuck my shirt in to make sure its queer? I have a lot of Vans, and a milk crate full of socks I guess. I used to save up money when I was in high school to put towards my first pair of Vans and I was so excited. I think I have twenty pairs now? Lots of converse, runners, and climbing shoes as well. Colourful socks and shoes are my thing I guess.
Lucy – I remember I was sixteen when I realised I liked girls, but I don’t know what triggered it. I think it was something on TV? I think it was an NCIS episode and they had a really awful portrayal of lesbians, who were identified as gay because at the end of the episode they held hands, and that triggered some kind of twinge in my chest that I’d never felt before.
Ailing – That was your gay bone
Lucy – My gay bone?
K – Yeah, your sternum is your gay bone
Ailing – I’ve torn that twice from being too gay
K – you need to remember to stretch before going out and being gay all night.
Lucy – It was a really weird feeling, I didn’t know what it was. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I went and found out about the episode, and it was of course one of those “oh no homosexuals are evil” sorts of plots. I think that negative portrayal contributed to my negative feelings about being gay, and being so scared to come out. I don’t know where else that would have come from because my parents never expressed any opinion about homosexuality. Those feelings were confirmed when I had my first crush on a girl in my school. I was nauseous more than anything when I realised it, and I just ignored that feeling for years which isn’t healthy. What helped me overcome it though, as I’m sure helped a lot of people from small towns with not much queer representation was the internet, and YouTubers, The Legend of Korra, and Tumblr. (The ending of Legend of Korra) was ust so beautiful, and so revolutionary as well. I remember seeing the ship of Korra and Asami come up on my tumblr, but it was years before the end fo the show, when it actually happened. I remember watching it on a family holiday trip and had to leave the dining table and I was shaking and crying because it was such a huge, beautiful moment that was probably one of the most significant moments of accepting myself. Looking back I definitely associate that final image of them holding hands before going to the spirit world together with my final stage of accepting who I am.
Moving to Sydney was my time to finally come out and explore. I came out to one of my Canadian exchange friends who was here, and they took me to Birdcage (lesbian nightclub in Sydney) where I met some of my friends. My first time in a queer club was like being surrounded by a family who I felt like I knew even though I hadn’t met any of them. That was also the year that the marriage equality vote was passed, So I took that opportunity to find out what my parents thought about homosexuality by asking them what they were voting for. They both said they were voting yes, which made me feel comfortable enough to come out to them the next week.
I’m still learning what are the most appropriate ways to describe myself and my relationship with myself, and how to present myself to the world. The more I learn, the more I will change the way I present myself, and there is a lot more of myself to explore.
Aisling – I think I was around thirteen or fourteen when I saw the show “faking it” - a show about a girl in high school figuring out her sexuality – and I just noticed that I was relating to every situation that the character was going through, and suddenly realised I was questioning my sexuality. I mentioned it to one of my friends that I used to walk to school with, and she would just keep egging me on with “come on just say it, just say you’re gay its fine”. I came out to her as bi at one stage, but I didn’t like that term, I didn’t like the term lesbian either, and still don’t, I prefer to think of myself as queer, or just gay.
When I actually came out two or so years later, I remember telling my close friend group that I was bi… and then later that week just said “nah I’m gay actually”. It was about 7:30pm, on a Wednesday night, after basketball, in the shower talking to myself saying “im gonna do this, im gonna do this”. Just me and my dad home, I psyched myself up for ages and then walked in and out of the kitchen about five times before going “Dad, I have something to tell you” sweating bullets “Dad, I’m gay la di da.”
Lucy – La di da?
Aisling – yes, Father, it’s la di da for me I’m afraid
Lucy – please put my sexuality down as la di da
Aisling – The first thing he said to me was “yeah I always thought you had a bigger obsession with the female tennis players than the men.” and yeah damn he had me there. I hate that I remember the day and everything… like the first of September 2016?
I moved out from my mum to my dad’s mostly because my mum’s partner at the time was very homophobic, and any dinner conversation would turn to him deriding gay marriage, or coming out with some racist shit. Eventually I decided “this bothers me too much, I’m going to have to say something” and it was… really upsetting when he didn’t agree. So of course I came out to my dad first and made him tell mum, which was then an interesting conversation…
“Your father tells me you’ve told him you’re gay?”
“yep, that’s it”
She contacted my school supervisor that night and told all of my teachers to look out for any homophobic acts towards me, letting them know that I was gay and to look out for me.
Lucy – I feel like together we tick a lot of stereotypes
Aisling – We really do
Lucy – We moved in together really quickly
Aisling – We own a cat together
Lucy – Theres that Subaru…
Aisling – I also had a lot of influence from those same queer YouTubers, and seeing their coming out videos and how free they felt afterwards made me really want to share it.
Immediately after I came out everyone at school was very supportive, like they already knew and assumed I was gay because I was just that sporty chick, so being gay just sorta went with it?
Lucy – I think I looked for validation from my parents. When I came out to mum there was no huge deal made about it, butI think validation from them comes in small snippets. Every time mum sends me something, like recently she arranged her coloured chopping boards into a rainbow and sent me a picture with “these are for you!” it’s very small, but its very significant. When I had a really big hickey on my neck, my dad said
“oh who gave you that on your neck? Does he sleep in a coffin?”
“it was a she actually”
“oh does she sleep in a coffin then?”
he just wanted to channel it into a dad joke, but it was a weird way to come out to him actually.
Aisling – To me the term Queer means “everyone included” even just an ally of the community, or a parent of an LGBT person doing your best to make them feel safe and welcome, you’re welcome in the community you know? By properly supporting something, you become a part of it.
Lucy – For me it’s very similar with those lines of community and family. It can be a label, but I feel that its evolving more into a term that indicates embracing all people. I use it sometimes to refer to a collective group of… well queer people. I refer to my close friends as my queer family.
Aisling – It feels better to use than assuming someone’s sexuality or gender without knowing the specifics.
Lucy – Individually I wouldn’t refer to any of my friends as queer. I know one friend refers to himself specifically as a bisexual, man, rather than a queer person. So I definitely like its a more family, community term, rather than a specific label, though It can still be used as one.
Aisling – I like the term because when I first came out I identified as bi, then gay, then bi, then gay, than they? And it feels more appropriate to use for myself because I’m still working it out, and it can cover a lot. For example I don’t think of myself as completely feminine, but I also don’t like the term non-binary to refer to myself, but the idea of “They” still, rather than just being she/her, I like the idea of she/they. And referring to myself as queer feels more of an accurate description.
Lucy – Ever since moving to Sydney and coming out and going to that first club night I’ve always thrown myself into as many queer events as I possibly could. I want to be able to contribute more to the community rather than just be involved in it, a lot of my friends are very engaged in the queer community, and I feel like I don’t have that level of involvement. I love that I’m never scared or intimidated to go to queer events, by myself or with my friends. Whilst I feel very connected to the queer community, I wish I could be more involved. I’m scared that since my friend group is all finishing university and looking to the future, that I’ll lose that sense of connection as everyone moves away, even though I’m sure we’ll all stay in touch.
Aisling – I feel little to no involvement in the queer community at the moment because I’m focusing so hard on my training. I’m involved with Queer Climbers Sydney though, and am looking to get more involved in the future, as soon as I have the time to do stuff.
Lucy – Challenges facing the queer community here isn Sydney… I feel like we need to create a wider variety of safer spaces in more areas. There’re certain areas of Sydney where queer people I know just don’t feel as comfortable. And the ones we do have are always pubs and clubs. Not to detract from queer nightlife; but having so much of queer culture based around adult only areas reinforces the idea that being gay, or trans, or whatever is an adult thing, and makes it easier for people to excuse restricting education about it to kids, which can be so harmful growing up and not having the education to understand yourself.
Aisling – I feel like theres more acceptance towards gay, lesbian, and bi people. But there’s less of an acceptance of trans people, like they can understand being gay, but they cant seem to understand what a trans person even is, much less how to approach them. Probably need more education about it in schools. More comprehensive sex ed instead of just how to put a condom on a fucking banana.
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Achieve Facebook Ecommerce Success in 2021
Many people are already aware of these things For those who don't, here are the strategies you can use to be successful with eCommerce Facebook advertisements in 2020.
(1) Be broad with the audience
In the past it was the intention to get a grip on the audience and then to create niches. Now, you're looking to broaden your horizons and let Facebook utilize its algorithm to locate potential customers. Why? Because the bigger you get, the lower your expenses will be (small audiences mean a higher cost of reaching 1000 individuals). Facebook is also becoming adept in identifying customers for you therefore it's more beneficial to be broad rather than restrict Facebook.
There are a few options to accomplish this: 1.) There is the option of going extremely wide without target. It can take a while to get dialed in, but it will give Facebook the ability to determine the people they should display your advertisements to and helps reduce costs. 2.) To increase the reach of your audience, select your audience and clicking expand.
(2) Be sure to make a bid on purchases
A couple of times ago the objective was to have the most affordable cost per click. Today, Facebook has machine learning which helps you determine the people who are more likely to purchase. I'm not sure exactly what this is, however I'm guessing they display your ads more often to those who stop watching your advertisement for three seconds since they know that is a 10x increase in their likelihood purchase, etc.
The best way to make use of all this potential is to ensure that you're optimizing for purchase not clicks, reach or video views engagement, adding to carts and so on. This is true for every stage through your process, all the way to the top one.
(3) Make sure that you invest enough money to reach your top end of funnel
This is the most common error I have seen people make. They might invest 50% in marketing and prospecting, with 50% going to remarketing, or even 70% of their remarketing budget and 30 percent on prospecting. You must turn the funnel around and ensure you're spending at minimum 70 percent of your budget for prospecting. This is because you must get enough people in the funnel for remarketing be effective and spending 70% of your budget of increasing traffic to your site is the ideal way to achieve this.
Remember that your audience retargeting should have approximately two times the ROAS in comparison to prospecting. Therefore, if you're getting 2 ROAS from prospecting, you'll need 4-5 for remarketing. These are only general guidelines. The blended ROAS will get you close to where you want to be, provided that you're spending enough time prospecting.
(4) Creative matters...a lot
Yes, copy is important however, creativity can determine the success or failure of your Facebook ads.
In order to ensure you're benefiting from creative opportunities You must ensure you're making use of static images stories, video ads and dynamic product advertisements. They all work when combined, particularly when you have great creative assets. Sometimes, static is better than video, however you should ensure that you check out your video ads as well.
(5) Don't forget about your previous customers
Not least, you shouldn't forget about your customers from the past. The best way to grow sales on eCommerce is through Targeted Taffic Conversion Rate X Lifetime Value or Average Order Value. Yes, you'd like to attract new customers and show remarketing advertisements to convince more people to purchase and you'll also need to advertise to customers who have already purchased from you since it's much easier to convince them to purchase from you again than get a new client.
A few ways to make use of this include:) Create ads, campaigns and so on. that target past customers using your customer database over time or pixel purchases 2.) Make use of email marketing to encourage former customers to purchase.
Contact me if you have any questions regarding any of these. The stores I work with are seeing fantastic outcomes with these strategies, and I decided to spend the time to discuss the strategies with you.
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Setting up a side blog at @bigskywritings to have a place to put all my original work, commissioned work, and commissioning guidelines for both fanfic and original work, as well as other services offered like developmental edits, etc.
That’s why I’m going through so many old files, lol. Probably gonna be a lot of posting going on over on that one today. Got a lot to go through, and not to be dramatic on main, but there’ve been enough points over the past several years where I didn’t think I’d ever get a chance to actually do anything with any of this, that tbh, I’d rather just have it out there in some form that can actually be enjoyed by people rather than just sitting in my files. I’ve always been heavy on the world-building, with that usually being considered one of my strengths, that I’ve got a ton of settings that could work for any number of short stories that wouldn’t take anything away from the longer novels or projects I have going for them.
*Shrugs* Or maybe they’ll just sit there like they do in my files, lol, its honestly not a big deal either way, its just I’d rather err on the side of potential interest these days.
Here’s a snippet set in one of my primary shared universes, something I call the Citadel ‘verse. Basic premise is its a fantasy universe where the universe itself is sentient, but more of a raw, primal sentience than having a fully formed consciousness. But it derives and evolves its own consciousness from the presence of sentient beings, after the first ones evolved on their own without design, and so it knows it wants to be more than it is, but the only way to do that is through sentient beings. So long ago, it shaped the focal point of its power and consciousness into something that would be seen as embodying power to anyone who saw it, and thus the Citadel was made. The Citadel is the universe, the universe is the Citadel. Its all the power of creation, of godhood, contained in one place....but just lacking the will and the imagination to make use of it on its own. For that it needs people, and those people are whomever end up within the walls of the Citadel, claiming the various Rooms and the forces each embody for their own, and in doing so, becoming gods.
But entropy is the natural state of all universes and the one thing the Citadel can’t abide is stagnation, so whenever a god or gods becomes bored or content with whatever they’ve done with that power, whenever they stop creating, changing, manipulating, and just sit back and rest on the fruits of what they’ve already done, the Citadel takes back its power and begins a new cycle of someone new coming across it or seeking it out, and becoming the next god or gods. Some cycles there’s only one occupant of the Citadel, sometimes two or three, sometimes entire pantheons of gods each with their own Room or Rooms, it varies. The last cycle of importance only had one god, and upon his death, the entire First World erupted into war and chaos as people vied to find the Citadel and claim its power.
Many Rooms were claimed by people whose first acts of godhood were to attempt to seize as many more for themselves as they could, and the whole world was being torn apart and in danger of being destroyed.....so when one of their number, Seshan, finally seized control of the Throne Room, the ultimate seat of power within the Citadel, she sealed each of the other new gods in the Rooms they’d already claimed, and split the Citadel and cast its various pieces to the edges of the universe, where reality was still shapeless and unformed. The exiled gods used this to form new worlds of their own making, via the power of their individual Rooms. And thus their war has continued throughout the eons, as they continue to try and seize control of more and more Rooms and consolidate enough of the Citadel’s power that they can finally force open the doors Seshan locked behind them and challenge her for the Throne Room itself.
(Just FYI, before anyone asks if I’ve read Brandon Sanderson, the answer is yes, I’ve read some of his earlier stuff. This universe was in no way influenced by his work, as I started building this setting back in high school, lol. What I think IS likely is that we were probably both inspired by the same works. I was a big fan of the multi-world nature of The Deathgate Cycle, and I really liked the shared multi-verse setting Michael Moorcock uses for his various protagonists like Elric and Corum, and those and more are pretty clear inspirations, lol. Like....I don’t have an issue with being accused of ripping off someone else, I just want to be accused of ripping off the right people, the people I’m actually ripping off of, loooool).
This particular world, the setting for the snippet below, is one of the worlds created by Pelk the Harper, the god of music (among other things). One of his claimed Rooms is what amounts to a concert hall, and its hidden away on this world, the one he formed from it before moving on to make new worlds. A wide range of cultures and religions formed in his absence, but a common concept many of them circle back to is the idea that all of creation has two parts, existing as both a Shape and a Sound. Some have different names for this, some call it the Shape and the Voice or the Shape and the Song, or Form and Function or Substance and Speech, its defined differently in various parts of the world, but all ultimately contain the idea that there’s a physical component to existence, and a non-physical.
A small percentage of people on this world, usually called something like unbinders, have the ability to find the thread that binds the physical and non-physical aspects of a thing together, and temporarily unweave it, leaving two separated parts. The Shape, which exists unbound as an image without substance, a seeming illusion that has no mass, sound, scent, etc....and the Song, which exists unbound as the essence of a thing, but without form to concentrate it and define it. Once created, its the nature of a created thing to exist as a complete whole, and so being Unbound is an imperfect state of existence. Meaning as soon as an unbinder stops concentrating on keeping the two halves apart, they’ll snap back together and rejoin the way they’re supposed to.
Except centuries ago, people invented devices called mirrorflasks and echo-catchers.....to catch and contain these separated halves of an unbound thing, and keep them separated. Mirrorflasks are glass vials of any size, whose interiors are coated with an alchemical mixture that acts as a mirror that keeps a Shape eternally reflected and never fading, as long as the flask is corked. Echo-catchers are metallic vials whose interiors are coated with a similar mixture, that keeps a Sound or Song eternally echoing and never fading, as long as the stopper is in place. An unbinder is necessary to separate the two halves so they can be caught and contained, but after that, anyone can uncork the containers, the effect is the same no matter the person: the Shape and Sound will immediately rejoin, no matter how physically distant the mirrorflask and echo-catcher are from each other.
That’s irrelevant, the important part is that both flask and catcher need to be opened, and so they’re fairly useless except in pairs. If you uncork a mirrorflask but not its accompanying echo-catcher, the Shape or image of the thing will be released, just as if you uncork the catcher but not the flask, its Sound will escape as a formless thing that briefly can be heard or smelled or even felt, before its lack of a Shape leads it to spread out in all directions without boundaries, diluting it to the point of non-existence then.
So a fire that’s unbound and contained, will just be the illusion of flames if just its flask is opened, while if just the echo-catcher is uncorked, there’d be the sound of flames, the sensation of heat, but it’d be there and gone in a matter of moments. Anything can be unbound and contained, physical objects like weapons or forces like fires or even storms (the trick of unbinding is seeing something as a whole thing unto itself. An unbinder who sees a storm as disparate elements will never be able to unbind the whole storm, just pieces of it like a lightning bolt. But one who sees the storm as one singular thing can unbind that whole storm and store it in a flask and catcher.) Even animals can be unbound. The only thing that can’t is human beings, but with one exception....unbinders can’t unbind anyone else, but they can unbind themselves. Separate themselves into a bodiless voice and essence as well as a substanceless image...a kind of astral projection that’s exceedingly rare as its viewed as extremely reckless and dangerous....because while in that state, even an unbinder can be trapped in a mirrorflask and echo-catcher, the same as anything else.
Anyway, that’s the scoop on the below snippet. Gonna try and be better about tagging things on the sideblog because yay organization, lol, so the tag for things Citadel related will be ‘tales of the Citadel’ and specific to this setting will be ‘The Chaos Vault.’
(That’s the title to the bigger project linked to this setting. There are legends on this world of a vault that was hidden away or lost centuries ago, but in it was stored all the greatest natural disasters and cataclysmic forces that had ever been unbound. Unbinding things like that is basically a lost art, as older civilizations could do things with unbinding that ‘modern’ inhabitants of this world can’t even dream of....as the more scientifically advanced they became, the harder it was for them to see major cumulative things like storms and other disasters as just being one single thing that could be unbound, rather than a lot of smaller, individual elements. So there’s lots of legends about something called the Chaos Vault existing somewhere. Which eventually culminates in a high fantasy heist caper FTW).
Snippet from The Chaos Vault, in which Miya kills people cuz that’s kinda her thing:
Choosing a spot a few steps from the door that separated the kitchen from the hall - close enough to get a clear view of the servers coming and going from it, far enough away for her to time things just right - Miya braced herself against the far wall, leaning as if she needed its support to keep her upright. Less than a minute later, a server emerged from the kitchen bearing a full tray of dishes, and she straightened and pivoted just as he came within reach.
Her seemingly wine-drunk stumble was nothing short of artful, if she did say so herself, and their collision tipped the man’s tray just enough that the outermost dishes cascaded to the red-tiled floor. The sounds of shattering dishware echoed loudly thanks to the vaulted ceiling overhead. The shattering of a small mirrorflask was a trivial thing in comparison, when she let it fall from her clenched fist. A minor tinkling easily lost in the chaos she’d caused, just as the sound of broken dishes was drowned out by the much louder revels taking place down the hall.
And much like the shards of the broken flask were effectively camouflaged by the mess on the floor.
“Oh, Shape and Song, I’m so clumsy!” She bubbled exaggerated apologies at the man and clung to his shoulder, keeping his attention firmly on her and away from the red and black banded firesnake that slithered rapidly away from the noise. It reached the escape offered by the ballroom at the end of the hall, and vanished into the forest of dancing legs and swirling skirts.
“Its quite alright,” he assured while attempting to be graceful about dislodging her. It most assuredly was not, if the grimace he couldn’t quite hide was anything to go by. Then again, Miya mused, anyone likely to give him grief about the matter would be concerned with far greater things in a few moments.
But only if she made sure her little friend got his Voice back before he was spotted by the revelers. With no physical mass to trip over and coloring fairly well disguised against the tile, she had some time, but not much.
Miya heaved herself off her unknowing accomplice, and with a few more incomprehensible mutterings, she staggered toward the other end of the hall. Making use of the wall once again, both for “support” and her charade, she came to a rest near a window left open so the heated air from the kitchen wouldn’t circulate.
She dipped her head and unclasped her right earring. Its intricate array of tiny chiming windpipes, while annoying, hid the equally tiny echo-catcher among them. With a single smooth motion deftly hidden by her hunched stance, she uncorked it and tossed both vial and earring out the window and into the canal below, glad to be rid of both.
A Song once released needs no direction to find its other half, and rejoining its Shape and binding itself back together took but an instant. It would only take a few seconds more for it to be drawn to the scented-oil she’d dabbed her target’s sleeve with when brushing up against him earlier. With that thought, Miya pushed herself off the wall and started down the hall again, this time at a much quicker pace.
3…2…1…
A single scream cut through all other noise and carried horrified silence in its wake.
There we go.
And then it was the silence that was shattered. People spilled out of the kitchen and into the hallway like so many confused and frantic ants. But ones with their eyes all drawn towards the ballroom, leaving nothing but backsides watching her. Her steps straightened and took back their usual confidence, her stride made short work of the rest of the hallway, and she vanished through a side-door at the end of it before anyone thought to look around.
She skipped as sprightly down the steps to the garden as her garments would allow - which is to say, not very - and reached behind her head to release her hair from that ridiculous style. Mussing it just enough to let it flow freely down her back, she sank deeper into the night’s shadows and allowed a smile of satisfaction to curve her lips.
Surely there was nothing wrong with taking a little pride in one’s work.
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Gary’s Mental Health: An Analysis of His Character.
Spoilers ahead.
If you play Love Island The Game 2019 and make it to Day 26, you stumble upon a concerned Gary, who is sitting by himself. After a brief chat, he proceeds to tell your MC that he’s had some problems with how he felt about his body in the past. He often comes across a simple guy, who is always bantering and fooling around, and most players tend to think that he only talks about his nan and cranes, so the sudden seriousness of this conversation may have seemed odd for some of you. Despite this, the unexpected confession he makes didn’t go unnoticed by the fandom, with many starting to appreciate him more because of it.
Few realize how important and revealing this conversation is. If you connect the right dots across the whole game, it helps to explain lots of his actions, beliefs and behavior. So, in this analysis I’ll be doing that: I’ll be providing you with all the information you’ll need to understand the subject, inserting exact quotes of the game and breaking down some crucial scenes. Because of this, this post will be really long, so get comfy, grab some snacks and prepare for an extensive reading.
Before starting, I must remind you that Gary is, indeed, a fictional character. That’s why I’ll be analyzing quotes and scenes straight out of the game and trying not to speculate furthermore. I think it’s interesting to tie the traits and personality of a fictional character to real life psychology and mental health, so this will be me basically explaining his condition and relating it to his canon personality and actions. Also, in some portions of this post I’ll be applying “real world rules”, because his mental illness is a real thing that happens in the real world.
I’ll go as far as to say that, after reading this entire rant, you’ll probably never see Gary the same way again— but that’s okay, because he’s such a layered character who also used to struggle with a mental illness and, instead of mental illnesses being a taboo topic, they should be met with open arms and discussed overtly and sincerely.
Mental Illness Warning/Trigger.
As I mentioned before, Gary’s condition is a real thing, so this post contains several mentions of mental health related topics and illnesses. If you feel uncomfortable about this type of things, I advise you not to keep reading. I’ll try to keep it as light and understandable as possible, regardless. Those who want to dive deeper should check the links I’ll leave at the end of the post.
This is a heavy topic, but I strongly believe it should be addressed. Even more importantly, I want to spread awareness, because, as you will read further ahead, this is still an under-recognized and frequently left untreated condition, that is becoming more and more common all around the world.
Disclaimer: I’m not a psychiatrist, but I am a med student. I’ve had classes and training about mental health and, specifically, about Gary’s condition. I’ll be leaving some extra sources and additional content down below, for those who are interested in verifying the information that I’ll be breaking down for you. Also, I’m open to receive feedback about it from someone who could know more than me, such as a doctor or a psychiatrist, because, as I said, I’m still just a med student.
So, without further do, let’s get started.
What does Gary have?
After reading the conversation he has with MC in Day 26, Gary’s evident diagnosis is Muscle Dysmorphia. We’ll be using the acronym MD to refer to it from now on.
What is MD?
MD is a subtype of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
What is a BDD, you may ask? It’s a condition in which people see themselves differently than others see them, and it’s characterized by persistent and intrusive preoccupations with one's appearance, that are really difficult to resist or control. These unwanted thoughts or ideas (called “obsessions”) make them feel that they need to perform certain activities (called “compulsions”). When applied to MD, the obsession becomes the level of muscularity, and the compulsion is to achieve a higher level of muscularity.
MD comes with the exaggerated belief that one's own body is too small, too skinny or scrawny, even though the individual's build is normal or exceptionally large and muscular already. Is often confused with vanity, but this is not the case, as most MD patients don't want to look great, they just want to look acceptable. Typically, people with MD have low self-esteem. It can be experienced by either males or females, but in this post I’ll be addressing the patients as males, because I will be also relating it to unhealthy masculinity.
What causes MD? It doesn’t have a specific cause, but there are factors that could help its development. Most studies sustain that suffering from bullying for smallness or weakness is the most frequent trait in MD patients. Some also attribute this disorder to the effect of the media, as society bombards people at younger ages with images of what an “ideal” body looks like, even more considering how marketing campaigns once targeting only female body image insecurities are now aimed at males as well. Because of this, MD is likely to increase in general population.
Does it have a treatment? Yes, it does. Most are treated with therapy that targets damaging behavior, as for example, cut down on the amount of time they’re checking themselves in the mirror or in the gym, which helps them think less about their appearance. Therapists also help them deal with the fears they might have, like possibly losing muscle mass or size if they exercise less.
Many do not seek treatment; the biggest hurdle is convincing the person with MD that he needs help. The psychological and social consequences often go unrecognized, especially because they usually appear to be in good health, at least in the short term. To properly address MD, society has to change in how we approach our body image in general. Traditionally, males are not supposed to be concerned with looks, let alone talk about them, because if they do, they will be viewed as “feminine”. Encouraging men to talk about their inner feelings is a good first step to bring down stigmas about their body image.
How does MD affect someone’s life?
People with MD engage in behaviors aimed at achieving a muscular physique, as I mentioned earlier. They include excessive exercise, following rigid diets, and also spending countless amounts of money in supplements. Sometimes, they may also use anabolic-androgenic steroids (I’ll be referring to them as “AAS”), which cause serious damage to the body if used excessively.
Low self-esteem is a crucial factor here. People with MD try to enhance their self-esteem by building muscular mass, but they keep feeling that is never enough. “Every muscle could be bigger. I could be leaner” they tell themselves. They look at the mirror and they feel like everything is still small and weak, that they’re ugly, that they have no chest muscles, no arm muscles, no abs— And the reality is that they are often huge and incredibly muscular. Some of them also touch, flex, poke or pinch their muscles a lot, to make sure that they haven’t lost size.
Their relationships with other people often fall apart as time passes. They frequently avoid important social or occupational activities, like going to family reunions or to work, because of the need to maintain their excessive exercise and rigid diet.
How does one draw the line between being fitness or having MD? Believe it or not, Gary explains it in the game. He says, “I was really shocked when the doctor told me that if it’s getting in the way of the rest of your life, then it’s a problem”. Certainly, when working out and obsessing about the body becomes a problem in the person’s life, along with having these bad thoughts about themselves, it’s better to seek help and ask a health professional about it.
So, why is Day 26 so relevant?
Day 26 is important for Gary’s character because it tells us a huge lot of things about him and his past. Across his dialogue there are so many details that few people seem to truly notice, so I’ll be breaking down this day for you.
Let’s start analyzing this day from the beginning, with it being the first conversation MC has with Gary. She finds him sitting alone by the pool, rubbing his upper arm. After greeting her, he flexes his bicep and then pokes at it. If MC asks him if he is worried about his gains, he surprisingly responds “Yeah, I am a bit”. In comparison to the rest of his answers, this is the one that tells us that the reason he is bummed out is because of how he feels about his body, rather than how he actually looks.
Next, he asks “Do you think I look as good as I did when we first met?”. After seeing him acting this way, we can notice that he is looking for reassurance, but even if MC answers that he looks better every day, he responds with things like “Thanks! It’s nice to have that support, even if I don’t think it’s true” and “I never believe anyone when they say I look buff”. As you probably read in this post, this is a common trait amongst individuals with MD. Even when people around them tell them that they are big, muscular, huge and so on, they never truly believe it themselves because they just can’t see themselves in that way—the person that looks back at them in the mirror is still somewhat skinny. And here’s a huge clarification: Gary knows that people think he is buff, but he doesn’t see it himself, and that’s why he doesn’t exactly believe it.
At this point, I think Gary is starting to notice that the chat could turn to a topic that he’s not ready to talk about yet, because he seems to divert the conversation by saying that the reason he doesn’t believe he’s buff is because he simply doesn’t want to get big-headed about it, and that thinking this way keeps him motivated. But even with those modest answers, he’s still letting us know that he’s always aiming at improving his physique.
And after that, he flexes his arm again. If you payed attention, you may have noticed a pattern here, which is another common characteristic of MD patients: the one where they have the compulsion to feel and touch their muscles, as a way of making sure they’re not as skinny as they think they are.
Gary finishes the chat by commenting lightheartedly “Those weights aren’t going to lift themselves” and walking off in the direction of the gym. This bit actually makes me sad, because it leads me to think that he gave in to the compulsion of going to the gym.
After the challenge, MC meets him again and he, indeed, says “I started to do some weights, but then I had to check my head a bit”, indicating that after compulsively going to the gym, he realized that he wasn’t working out for the right reasons and what was actually driving him to exercise were the intrusive thoughts of his MD. Beyond that, this is also a sign that he can actually distinguish between his normal and healthy interest in working out and the compulsions caused by MD.
Later in the conversation, he explains that it all started when he used to see this massive and muscular superheroes in comics and noticed he didn’t look like them, because he was small, even smaller than the rest of the kids at school. He tells MC, “I’d look at those superheroes, and then back at myself. I didn’t look like them”. This is a clear reference to the media influencing the development of BBD’s and specially MD in younger boys.
It’s evident that at this point in his life he began to believe that having a muscular body would be a solution to his problems, and you can confirm that in this phrase: “It can feel like everything is telling you, things will be better if you’re stronger or more muscly”. And after his nan stepped in to take on the role of his dad, the bullying towards him increased, which just made this belief even stronger. “And whenever someone would say something to me, I’d wish I was bigger and stronger than them so they wouldn’t dare” he states, following with “So when I got older, I started working out”.
Gary goes on to say that exercising didn’t help on the long run. “At first, working out made a huge difference. I started to feel more confident. I felt like I could stick up for myself, and I got a lot more positive comments. People started to notice me in a good way, you know?” he declares. He basically tells MC that he started building his self-esteem around his physique, rather than around his inner self.
“The problem is, it never felt enough”. We see here, once again, a classic trait of people suffering from MD.
After this, comes a phrase that got me thinking: “Especially once I left school and had more time and money”. When reading this, I asked myself why having more money was relevant in things going downhill for Gary. By this point, he had already been working out and probably paying for the gym membership anyway, so I figured that this “new” money could have gone elsewhere, maybe in buying supplements to grow muscle mass faster. I can’t rule out completely the possibility that he got to the point of using AAS, but giving his personality and recovery I don’t think he went that far. Or at least I hope he didn’t.
“I kept going to the gym even when I knew I’d been going too much” he continues “It was actually my nan who noticed things were getting out of hand”. For this, us Gary fans should feel grateful. This is one of the billion reasons why he loves his nan so much. The woman rescued him from sinking deeper into his disorder, she was the only one who noticed that he wasn’t in a good place and that working out was actually tearing his life apart. She could see right through the healthy and good looking muscular man she had in front of him, as nobody else was able to see that he was still just a scrawny insecure boy on the inside. This was probably one of the lowest points in his life, if not the lowest, and his nan pulled him up and stuck with him through it all.
Afterwards, Gary states again that he struggled when it came to stop exercising. “I’d hurt my wrist cos I was lifting more than I should, but I didn’t rest or stop lifting so the problem just kept getting worse” he says “Eventually it got so bad that I had to take time off work, but I was still trying to go to the gym because I couldn’t stand missing sessions”. Even if he wanted to stop, the compulsions and unwanted thoughts took over him and he kept going to the gym.
When being asked if he couldn’t see how bad the situation was, Gary answers with “Being so strong and tough was so important to me that it felt like I couldn’t ask for help”, yet again being a reference of the way society influences young men, leading them to believe that being masculine and strong means also not talking about one’s feelings, less opening to others about one’s insecurities.
When talking about his therapy, he explains that once he started speaking about how he felt, he could see everything more clearly. He says “I’d lost sight of why I wanted to be so buff before. I couldn’t see that it wasn’t good for me”. Indeed, at first he wanted to get more muscular to enhance his self-esteem, to make himself feel better and gain confidence, but at that point it had become an actual disorder, getting in the middle of his life, getting him injured and making him stop going to work, amongst other things. Focusing on his body was actually making him feel worse because it came along with the sensation that he wasn’t making progress, even after all the time and effort he’d put into being more muscular. He also comments “By that point, I was like, ‘mate, working out is my life’”, this also being a characteristic of patients with MD, as their obsession takes over their life.
To wrap this section of this post, let’s talk shortly about his recovery. Gary says that his wrist eventually healed and that he kept going to therapy. “It took a while, but now I know when I’m doing something for the right reasons” he tells MC “It’s a constant balance though. You have to keep working on it”. After starting therapy, he understood that he can keep working out and caring about his looks without it taking over his life again or making him feel worse about his image, but that he will always have to maintain a certain equilibrium, so he doesn’t get out of control again.
“It’s okay for me to work out and be active, but I have to check in with myself. If those thoughts start coming back I know to call up my GP and get talking again”. This phrases are a total relief, as they let us know that he has learned when to seek help and, more importantly, to read the signs of his own mind telling him about his MD thoughts coming back. It’s even more relieving when he finishes with “I can still have tough moments, but I’m so much better at working through them now”.
Overall, Day 26 makes us realize that he hasn’t always been as confident as he seems, less felt good about his body image. It gives his character more depth; he’s not just a lighthearted lad that talks about cranes, makes dad jokes and loves his nan anymore. And reading between lines helps us get an even fuller picture of what he went through and the state he is in now.
How do MD and his past affect Gary’s general behavior?
After all that information, let’s start this with something simpler. I’m going to name a few stressful events for Gary during his time at the Villa: the morning after the first recoupling, Lucas and Henrik’s arrival and all the girls-pick recouplings.
Where is he after all those events? You guessed it, he’s at the gym.
I have been asked if this is him working out to relieve anxiety, but I’m not sure if it’s always the case. Of course, he mentions that for him there’s nothing like burning off some tension in the gym, so most times he could be working out to clear his mind and to feel less stressed out.
Despite this, in other situations and considering his condition, it could be also him starting to feel insecure about himself. It’s likely that when he begins feeling that way, those bad thoughts about his body image and compulsions, caused by MD, start to come back, so he can’t avoid going to the gym to make sure he doesn’t lose body mass and muscle. Because of his MD, he could have the sensation that, if he loses size, bad things will happen to him—girls won’t pick him at the recouplings, people will start to make fun of him again for being small, he’ll look less attractive in comparison to the rest of the male Islanders and so on. Having all of this in consideration, in some cases I actually think it’s him still struggling with insecurity and his MD, rather than just anxiety and stress.
There is a moment in the game that got me confused at first, but after thinking about it I was able to figure out what was really going on. It happens when MC goes to spot the boys at the gym and, during the conversation, Rahim points out “See! I told you your form was off, Gary”, which makes the corners of Gary’s lips turn upside down. “All right, settle down. I don’t usually use a gym, okay” he responds and strikes a pose, flexing “This is all natural…”. I’m sure that in this moment he was lying. From what he confessed in Day 26, we know he’s been working out since his teens (remember that he’s 23, so he has at least been doing it for five or six years), so it’s obvious that his body built is not exactly natural, more so if we consider that he used to get bullied for being too small. In this situation and with a recoupling coming soon, he probably didn’t want to get embarrassed by Rahim’s comment in front of MC, so he blurted out some excuse, basically saying that his bad form is technically product of him being unexperienced. Again, we see him being insecure.
Now, I’m not saying that him being at the gym and working out is always a bad thing. In fact, he it looks like he has fun and socializes with the rest of the boys when they’re all exercising together. He seems to have a good balance of how much time he spends there and, most importantly, knows when to stop. We notice this when he tells MC things like “There’s nothing like burning off some tension in the gym. But I need to have some other ways to deal with how I’m feeling too” and “I don’t want to end up just going to the gym whenever I’m bored or stressed out about something else”. The thing is, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we find him at the gym after stressful events, even more when you have in mind that he doesn’t want to go there with the sole purpose of relieving stress.
So, we see Gary often flexing his muscles, right? I actually think this behavior of his has two sides. As you may have read earlier in this post, people with MD have this tendency to touch their muscles a lot. I think that in situations of stress like Day 26 this could be the case for him. But the other side of it, and the most important one in my opinion, is that this adds a cheeky, playful and confident aspect to his character. It lets us know that he enjoys the attention and that he likes to show off.
Now, it’s certain that him showing off means that his recovering has been really successful so far, knowing that people with MD tend to avoid showing their body to others because they are ashamed of the way they look. The fact that he’s in a swimming suit during the entire show, being recorded for national TV and knowing millions of people are watching, is a huge signal that he feels significantly better about his body and image. He has learned to love and appreciate his body in some way, hence the question he so often asks, so cheekily “Like what you see?” and he feels proud enough to show it off. The fact that he knows he’s attractive to others makes all the difference for his self-image, even if he doesn’t necessarily believe it himself. And, trust me, that with him being a MD patient it took him a lot to get where he is now in terms of confidence and feeling comfortable in his own skin.
Moving to another topic, something that always caught my attention is that Gary is constantly worrying about others. We see this in cases like when he comforts Lottie after Hannah gets dumped from the Island or when he pulls her for a chat when he notices that she’s stressed out about the Rocco situation, when he offers Chelsea a tissue after he sees her crying over the gossip-sneezer drama, all of the moments he demonstrates being protective of MC’s feelings when they’re coupled up and even during his Mr. Love Island speech. His type also includes a girl who cares about others and doesn’t get involved in drama, to match his personality. After analyzing his past, we understand why he is always trying to reach out when another Islander feels sad and why he is one of the first ones to offer a helping hand. It’s mainly because there was a time in his life when he struggled with getting help for feeling bad about himself and wished someone had reached out to him in a similar way. He knows that people could be struggling internally without anyone noticing, just like it happened to him.
I’m sure that during his stay in the Villa, Gary tries his best not to hurt anyone. An example of this is his chat with MC after he lies about kissing Marisol. He feels bad about it and promises to apologize to her, and the players don’t get frowns for calling him out as a signal that he owns his mistake. Another example is if MC chooses to couple with him in Day 9, right after the recoupling Gary tells her that he feels bad for Lottie, because he knows that she fancies him. He says, with a sad expression “I feel bad that I’m here treading on someone’s toes, but I guess that’s what it’s about, right? I just hope everyone here finds someone that wants to be with them, long term”.
If you’ve gone this far in this post, I’m sure that by now you may have a few questions about his overall personality, so to finish this segment I’ll answer the most relevant ones:
Is Gary’s confident personality a facade? I’m one hundred percent sure it is not, especially considering that he has a cheeky sense of humor and that he likes to show off. In my opinion, he acts this way because he has learned that confidence is good. That his body is good enough to show, and that his personality, stories and awful jokes are worth sharing with others. It’s incredibly healthy for him to feel this way about himself.
Is Gary fragile? My answer to this is yes and no. Why yes? It’s mainly because we still see him acting insecure across the game and because he will always have traces of low self-esteem, giving his condition. He will be always more likely to overthink about his physical appearance and more prone to feel poorly about himself when he compares himself to more muscular men. Why no, then? Because after the end of the chat with him at Day 26, he states that now he knows when to seek help, how to maintain a balance on his exercising habits and that, overall, he has accepted his illness. He doesn’t get hijacked by bad thoughts about himself anymore and he seems to know the boundary that distinguishes a benign interest in physical appearance from the bad thoughts that come along with MD, which makes him less prone to come back to that low point he reached in the past.
Relationships.
Now I’m going to make a few comments about his main relationships while in the Villa, with them being his relationship with Lottie and his relationship with MC.
We never know for sure if he eventually tells Lottie about his past, but I have the feeling that he doesn’t, especially because in Day 26 he tells MC “I don’t always tell people why she’s (his nan) so important in my life. And now you know”, suggesting that maybe she is the only one in the Villa that has this information as of now.
Either way, the thing that bothers me about the way the Lottie-Gary ship is written is that most of the time we see them arguing and not agreeing in lots of things. In some cases, this could be considered “cute” or “entertaining”, but it isn’t when you notice Gary confesses a few times that it worries him and has him on edge, saying that he can never know how Lottie is going to react to things or wondering in what mood she’s going to be in. As a clarification, I’m not debating in whether Lottie is unstable or not, because it really doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. What matters in this case is that Gary perceives her being that way.
The constant uncertainty of his partner’s behavior could harm Gary in the long run, as we know that he is still attending to therapy sessions and going through bad days from time to time, and without someone who he can know for sure will support him and reassuring him whenever he needs, things could start to get more difficult for him to handle.
Moving to his relationship with MC, if you have done a Gary playthrough, you know that he constantly tells her that he doesn’t feel like a weirdo when he is around her and, basically, that he feels that he can be himself. If we take in consideration his history and personality, this makes a huge difference for him, as we’ve seen him get to the point of lying so he doesn’t get embarrassed in front of the girls. When being in a relationship with MC, he is finally able to let go of some of his insecurities and stops worrying about how other girls perceive him.
So, moving past that, I just wanted to quickly point out something about their relationship that seems interesting to me. In one of the gem scenes, Gary tells MC “My nan would like you. You keep me in check. She’d say I need someone like that around”. I couldn’t help but notice that he uses the same verb in the past when referring to him getting his thoughts straight by differentiating between the intrusive beliefs caused by his MD and what is actually real. This could be his way of telling MC that she keeps him grounded, that he could never feel insecure when being with her and that she, somehow, helps him to keep away the bad thoughts about himself. And of course his nan would like that—she’d love seeing his grandson with someone who he feels safe with. Because of this, I think that his relationship with MC is by far the healthiest one he could have in the Villa, and even in the playthroughs when they’re not a couple, the reason being that he opens to her about his past either way.
In conclusion.
I think it’s really interesting the way Fusebox tried to insert real life troubles and conditions into their characters. For me, this made a big difference when playing the game, because the majority of the characters feel real, specially in comparison to Season 1; whether you like a character or not, we all have to agree that every single one of them has a very defined personality and behavior, and that is a compelling aspect of the gameplay.
I also like the way they made the Love Island boys break stereotypes and dismiss toxic masculinity. In Gary’s case, we see this reflected in him being always open and sincere with his feelings, having him making subtle comments like “Sometimes we all need a little cry. Nothing wrong with that”.
Because of everything I’ve written in this post, I could say that the fandom is not wrong when they classify Gary as being soft. He is, indeed, a softie—the softest boy in the Villa, in my opinion. But he is not just that. He is also incredibly emotionally intelligent, as he learned how to overcome his mental disorder, how to communicate and accept his feelings and how to reach out to others and offer them help, amongst a billion of other things. We see him also being very mature for his age, with many pointing out that he seems older than he actually is. I can’t deny that most of his maturity probably comes from being raised by his nan and because he has gone through a lot in terms of accepting himself and growing as a person in general.
On a quick side note, I’ve noticed people with clearly poor understanding on mental health that have tried to write him as a villain and end up usually turning him into an insecure, self-centered, egotistical character, labeling it as layering, when the reality is far from that. Vilifying insecurity, low self-esteem and fear of rejection/failure is not layering. Those are common flaws and issues that cause distraught in many people on a daily basis and, in my opinion, they should be approached with proper understanding, respect and reassurance.
Anyhow, it makes me so happy seeing much more Love Island fans recognizing the true good and soft nature of Gary’s personality as time passes, and even happier that a lot more started appreciating him because of his issues. His story represents, in my opinion, a story of recovery. There are few things better than seeing someone that used to struggle with how they felt about themselves, keeping their head up, accepting their flaws as their own and doing their best to keep getting better, and that’s what he represents at the end of Day 26.
I’ll be leaving down below some of the papers I used for my additional research, as well as some simple articles and videos about MD, if some of you would like to know more about it and spread awareness.
Let’s take this character’s story as an example to follow, as it indirectly encourages people to accept themselves and to share their mental illness stories once they feel ready to do so. I think that by supporting this type of characters we’re letting the writers know that we do like to read characters like this, with true layers, defects and with backgrounds that feel just real.
Finally, as some friend of mine said, let’s jump on the Gary tour bus and spread some love, positivity and appreciation for this amazing character*:･ﾟ✧
Links, articles and videos.
[Nature article], [The Guardian Article], [TED Talk], [TED Talk Q&A], [BDD 2015 Conference], [ABC Science Video], [ABC News Video], [Paper n°1], [Paper n°2], [Paper n°3], [Paper n°4], [Paper n°5], [Paper n°6].
#thanks for reading to the end#love island the game#litg#love island gary#litg gary#gary x mc#litg2#mc x gary#love island the game season 2#litgs2#litg season 2#i hope this wasn't too long#my stuff
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