Question: What do you do to overcome the feeling of being socially isolated from neurotypical people?

Someone in a Facebook group asked the following question recently:

What do you do to overcome the feeling of being socially isolated from neurotypical people? I do my best but I still feel like an outsider.

Here is my answer:

In my experience it helps to find groups or social situations where people are accepting and inclusive of diversity, regardless of whether people are NT or ND. When I used to be religious, I found churches with a mix of different cultures/ethnic groups were often a lot more welcoming and accepting than all white/Caucasian churches. Even as a white/Caucasian person myself, I found this made a big difference. I am not religious any more, but I find this principle often holds true in other groups as well.

I generally find it helps to connect with people outside my immediate peer group in terms of age/demographic too, as there's less of a competitive vibe and people aren't going to attempt to jostle for social status as much. I've found groups with people who are older than me are often more welcoming and supportive than groups of people the same age. Of course there's exceptions - I usually find LGBT meetups are friendly and welcoming regardless of age, but there tends to be a high percentage of ND people in those spaces anyway.

So yeah, I find looking outside your usual peer group demographic (whether in terms of age, culture, ethnic group, or otherwise) tends to make a big difference. I find if I put myself in a position where I'm not threatening anyone's place in the social hierarchy, things are easier and go more smoothly for the most part. For what it’s worth, I suspect this issue is a big part of the reason why ND people often say they get along better with the opposite sex. They aren't directly competing for status in the same way.

As well as that, trying too hard to fit in by masking excessively can sometimes backfire. If people don’t like me as I am, it’s unlikely that masking is going to suddenly win them over. Of course, do your best to be polite, respectful and considerate of others. Avoid saying things that are rude or inappropriate. However, I find if people don't accept me as I am, performing to win their approval isn't going to suddenly make them like or accept me.

This is an interesting convo!

I know that studies based in both my country and the US have linked large age gaps to increased risk for intimate partner violence and other forms of abuse. It's important to take it country by country and the studies I read (they were for a uni project) focused specifically only on heterosexual couples.

Of course there are other factors that increase or lower risks for these things and a large age gap relationship doesn't automatically mean they will happen. It just gets trickier the younger one of the partners involved is. The brain only finished developing its frontal lobe at approximately 25 years of age, which is the part responsible for reasoning, social interaction, problem solving etc. (idk maybe thats why Leo Dicaprio bounces when his partners turn that age) This means people younger than that are physically unable to reach their full reasoning potential.

Maturity is also a slippery concept because it is often equated with one type of intelligence when there are many we need to navigate life. I've even been called mature by multiple people just for being a generally serious person. Maturity is also at times mistaken with having gone through certain experiences. They can help a person mature at times but certain experiences had too young or before the person had the resources and capability to properly deal with them - like having to grow up too fast - can lead to stuff like hyperindependence for example, which is often mistaken as a sign of maturity and not what it is, a trauma response that leave someone more prone to being sociallyisolated, aversion to reaching out to for help, mistrust of perceived outsiders etc etc). It's not a healthy balance. These are the folks that tend to get "you're so mature for your age" a lot. That's just one example though and it all depends on the person and they circumstances.

It's just stuff for younger people to be quite careful around especially because these things are very specifically what predators tend to look for in potential partners (aside from youth itself and qualities they associate with it) and they know young people are more likely to have these vulnerabilities. Other appeals to them is also that this tends to be a very tumultuous life period with many life transitions, finding oneself as an adult, trying to become financially independent/stable, a shifting support network and a still developing a schema for what relationship dynamics should look like to them.

We can all can be manipulated at any age if someone knows your specific vulnerabilities well enough, but particularly young people have a lot going on that add a layers of risk, which is why, as we learn more about different manifestations of abuse of power, the age gap conversation has been becoming more prevalent too. We have better language to describe and explain such phenomena than we did in the past. Like before, the inherent power imbalance of employer-employee relationships in terms of sexual relationships and advancements was not taken seriously and everyone involved was considered equally responsible and accountable when power was abused.

Healthy age gap relationships certainly exist. It's just precaution that younger people know what the risks and red flags are so they can make better decisions, especially when there are people out there who are actively looking to take advantage and will go to great lengths to cover it until they've gradually developed an unhealthy dependence in the relationship.

thank u for sharing! im not sure i much of anything to add TBH bc i feel like you summed things up really well. it makes a lot of sense to me that the more we're becoming aware of abuse of power and how it manifests in society, the larger age gaps in relationships are critiqued and questioned.

Other dudes: Hi, I'm socially competent.

Me:

feeling very #lonely #pitiful and #sociallyisolated and still not able to brain very well, so i spent some time #prayinginart This is a #digitalpainting of a woman #crying holding her #brokenheart with a small #poem or #prayer inside her fragmented heart: “Let me be Love while lost in this broken heart and endless solitude” Made with black and white and a bit of red. Her heart has fractured in its chest, and pieces are falling out. i figured this was healthier than calling everyone who ever left me to ask what it was about me that made me so disposable. #selfesteemforthewin #chronicillness #chronicpain #mentalhealth #doingwhatican https://www.instagram.com/p/CGd93gMskvj/?igshid=f3tmw4xk1ze1

Happy Birthday Eve to me... Trying to make the best of a sucky situation... Turning 35 and not having a party. #covidbirthday #1985baby #sociallyisolated (at Montreal, Quebec) https://www.instagram.com/p/CC_D6BjDSMA/?igshid=r7z1ine4gn5a

Where’s the sun #sociallyisolated #dogwalk #exercise #outsideisfree #itsgrimupnorth #cullerfornialifestyle (at Long Sands Tynemouth) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_UPzKKg0Pz/?igshid=1j1d7z5xhukz4

You've all heard of a restaurant called @fiveguysuk When is #covid19 is over I might open one called 5 gulls @prandiumsouthwold missing all the customers Hoping for a sunny re-opening In the meantime #washyourhands keep #sociallyisolated and look out for each other and stop relying on China but cheap imports. Let's get back to making things here in the UK. Buying #British, keeping things local campaigning globally to stop China from eating things that never should be put in your mouth. #batsaintsnacks (at Southwold) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-jYKhWjc4z/?igshid=g4kjvcr0hccr

Yesterday I published the 1st of many podcast episodes. - "The New Journey: Let's Beat Social Isolation & Build a Meaningful Life from Scratch" (official title) has begun. - As I said it before, this is gonna be DAILY. - So whether it is for 1 min or 1 hour, you will hear from me. - Better unsub/unfollow/un-whatever if you're uncomfortable with that fact. - Oh, and one more thing: - This is not about me. This is about US. This is about us building a meaningful life TOGETHER (from scratch). - Listen. - If you're a young man that's deeply depressed, feels empty inside, has few to no friends at all, no gf, no sex life, no direction in life, etc. ...know that you are in the RIGHT place. - Read on. - While I don't live the rockstar life yet (and don't aspire to do so -- mastery & meaning all the way!), I may be just a bit further ahead on this journey. Maybe I'm not. - From 2007 all the way through graduation with a-levels in 2013, I was all the things mentioned above. And some more - I wanted to kill myself several times. Then I turned it around in less than six months by taking the path less traveled. You can read more about me (and my journey so far) on my blog. - Link in bio. Enjoy the journey! - #JOINTHEJOURNEY #thenewjourney #podcast #meaningfullife #sociallyisolated #motivation #mastery #personaldevelopment #personalgrowth #motivational #inspirational #deepthoughts https://www.instagram.com/p/Buf_qfwhARy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1qxti0zbppgf8

@fournelbaby finally got some #sledding #hangout time with his #bestie. If adults think it's hard to #sociallyisolate, imagine how kids are dealing with it and having almost no autonomy. #pals #yeg (at Canon Ridge) https://www.instagram.com/p/CLm4FuWAk5Y/?igshid=di17jch5ez25

Harthope Valley in the Cheviots, Northumberland. This mornings walk with the family. Absolutely glorious views, few more people about at this spot in comparison to last week's people free walk. Feel very lucky to live so close to such amazing natural beauty. #nationalparks #northumberlandnationalpark #northumberland #harthopevalley #walking #familywalking #socialdistancedwalking #cheviothills #cheviots @northumberlandnationalpark #hillwalking #hills #sociallyisolating #dogwalk https://www.instagram.com/p/CCgQkmXgVc0/?igshid=y155ml1ywkd3

Suffering from #skinhunger because you’re #sociallyisolating too much? Hug a tree like my buddy Mr Raccoon! 🦝💕🌳 #ecosexual [Pictures of a raccoon climbing a pine tree + a selfie of Reid with the raccoon and tree in the background] (at Gresham, Oregon) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-8wbfChYT5/?igshid=1ghi0xj7jf9r0

L E T T E R T O M Y F R I E N D S ! My dearest friends! I trust that you are and continue to stay safe. I know we are living in unprecedented times with heightened anxiety and fear. . . However, let us not be overtaken by fear, so much so that we forget to live. Though it is hard for some, I know. . . So, continue to do those this is that bring you joy and peace, no matter how little. Fix your gaze on the goal, not the obstacle! . . As one of my favorite radio hosts put it, “be fearful, but walk in wisdom!” Walk in the wisdom of and understanding of your heritage! . . Also, let us take solace in the Lord and his promises...knowing that they never fail. . . Anchor yourself in his word! Psalms 91 and 121 is a good place to start. . . Fear has a negative magnetic and spiritual force that attracts the negative. @jide_owomoyela DO NOT FEAR!!! . . Instead, have FAITH! Faith in our creator. FAITH in his word and promises...that never fail! FAITH that he is sovereign and is still in control! No matter what the world thinks . . Most importantly...Protect your heart! Only fill your heart with good news and not bad news! Proverbs 4:23 . . http://liketk.it/2MveK #liketkit @liketoknow.it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #staysafe #sociallyisolate #socialisation #faithoverfear #psalm91 #psalm121 #proverbs423 #dallasblogger #stayhome #stayhealthy #healthcareworker #crnaforlife #vivellefashion https://www.instagram.com/p/B-mqn2LFXUj/?igshid=1nithvnlix3cx

#SociallyIsolate with this America? Damn, we getting dark #sarcastic #sardonic #notIronicdammit https://www.instagram.com/p/B90tcxbjgU0/?igshid=1mwz9tczi3xpe

Snippet of what happens at the end of an Afrobeats class at @danzaproductions . . . I decided to ask them to reach for a piece of MJ's dancing spirit and bring it in! The result is there. . . . Thanks to @mairadaiha for the 📽️ . . . 🎵 : Nobody (feat Joeboy & Mr Eazi) - by @deejayneptune . . . Afrobeats class, every Tuesday at 7pm in Studio 2 (📍8205 Ontario St) AND online! 🤩 . . Check out @mindbody app and pick whichever version works best for you: in person or #virtual 🤳🏼 . . As a reminder, we have now launched Virtual Pass Options for those of you still #sociallyisolating at home: . . 🔹Virtual Drop-In for $7.50 . . 🔹Virtual 2 Weeks Unlimited for $25 . . . #Nobody #DJNeptune #Joeboy #MrEazi #Afrobeats #Nigeria #Africa #AfrobeatsClass #AfroBeatsWorkshop #AfricanDance #AfricanMusic #AfricanDancer #Dance #DanceInVancouver #Dancer #DancerLife #LetsDance #DanzaProductions #Vancouver #Vancity #VancouverDance (at DanZa Productions) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCp0umMBlqn/?igshid=1lj6fuf2bhv6w

Weblink in bio So last night at 7: 18pm, incidentally this is a #Saturdaynight I received a call call from Tim ( environmental health officer ) 🥘🥗🦐🧀🍔🍗🍖🍧🍩😋 Under normal circumstances I wouldn't expect a call from an #environmentalhealth officer on a Saturday night. So I already knew something was amiss. A call or at visit this time of day, under normal circumstances would probably be because there was something very wrong! I know we are in exceptionally strange times because of #covid19 🍩🍔🍗🍖🦐🥗🥘🧀😋 After a brief discussion with the environmental health officer he was satisfied that I am doing everything correctly as I should be. Even though I no longer have a shop premises, he deemed that my present cooking arrangements fully complied with environmental health criteria. He was also impressed with the fact I'm using #contactless payment ( thanks to @sumup ) 🥗🦐🧀🍔🍗🍖🍧🍩😋🥘🎂 During the conversation I pointed out that some of my qualifications are on my site. I also told Tim of how I'd transformed my entire website into useful #COVID19 resource for #Southwold #Reydon & the surrounding community. I suggested if he wanted to support it by way of a donation, there's a button. 🍺🥘🍩🍧 Having had a conversation with the officer I was able to conclude, by reading between the lines, that my out-of-hours call been prompted by a malicious call to environmental health. It saddens me that under the current covid19 situation there are still people out there, with an axe to grind who are trying to damage my business. @prandiumsouthwold has always been a 5-star hygiene rating and while I draw breath, will remain that way. There are are a number of businesses supplying food in Southwold, that have lower ratings, who may be currently feeding vulnerable health customers. I'll just leave that thought there. Please whoever doesn't like me or my business, #letitgo because I'm not giving up and the High Street is already decimated with some 11 or so empty retail units. You may need me back? Concentrate your energies on #sociallyisolating #washyourhands #stayinghome & to be polite, minding your own business and let me mind mine. Yours respectfully James (at Southwold) https://www.instagram.com/p/B-4L2rojLN_/?igshid=a7vl8gatzxkz