#so there wasn’t time for me to process how the first person influenced my sense of self | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mediacircuspod · 9 months

Text

“The Magic Trick You Didn’t See” is an essay written by an author who is on Tumblr, user ariaste. I think it’s a very well put together argument for “The Book of Life Theory” that has merit. However, I think there might be too much editing going on. I will explain.

I want to start this by being completely honest. I’m not sold on any theories because in the past I was so incredibly wrong about countless theories on Game of Thrones that made complete sense, I swear. But also were me just making up reasons for how the story could go my way. I’m actually really into the concept of “wait and see” because it places me firmly in the seat of “audience” or “consumer” and those are, in my opinion, the best seats in the house.

So I’m not really a subscriber to the coffee theory or the book of life theory or the body switch theory, NOT because I don’t think they’re true or smart or have merit, but because I would genuinely like to “wait and see”. Even if that wait is until 2027. I waited this long for season 2, I’m not afraid of a few years for a good story.

Anyway, go read the very long, but very intelligent google doc, because even if you’re not sure about the theory, it has some REALLY cool meta, and some interesting easter eggs that you might have missed upon viewing the season the first go around, the very long document is HERE.

Alright here’s some highlights. Basically the essay is about how The Metatron could be pulling strings on Season Two with the help of “The Book of Life” for a number of reasons. Corresponding evidence being the lack of God’s narration, Maggie as a character, Eccles Cakes, and a whole lot of meticulous details. I really, really love the format of the essay too, but that’s just me being a nerd about magic tricks and “The Prestige” as a concept and as a movie.

Where I diverge on this theory is simply how liberally it is applied, as well as the use of “bad” to describe certain ways of writing. And this is where my hot take kind of lies; I don’t think Good Omens 2 was bad. On purpose or by accident. I’m not saying my opinion is right, I’m just stating that that is where my perspective comes from. Now. Let’s get into why I like this essay.

It’s so cool. And detailed. And smart. I love reading things that connect dots and describe a persons critical thought process, and wow, this essay is incredible at doing all of that. The sheer amount of information I learned from taking the time to read it gave me a lot of insight about the things I missed on my watch of the season. I found I was a lot more distracted by the Austen-esque pacing than the author of the essay who noticed things like disappearing eccles cakes, how no one else’s power went out during Crowley’s lightning storm and a load of other things. But also, being “along for the ride” made me kind of protective of the story being told. Because Season 2 isn’t the beginning, middle, and end of a story, like season 1 was. It is the “quiet, gentle, and romantic” middle of a plot sandwhich.

In any case, the essay poses quite a few things. The only major issue I have is the idea that The Book of Life can alter will, and not just situation. I don’t think Crowley or Aziraphale are changed by the Book of Life. Their actions seem distinctly them throughout the entire season, which is exactly why the season needed to end on the note it did. Obviously from a story point, we need Aziraphale to go to heaven for what I imagine is the conflict of season 3; The Second Coming. But from an internal perspective, Aziraphale’s character demanded to make that decision. It wasn’t out of character, it was distinctly in character. And yes, he could have been influenced, or manipulated, or hiding something, but he’s been affected by all of those ideas for the entirety of his existence anyway. He’s had 6000 years of The Heavenly Host manipulating him, and he’s had exactly 4 years of being on his own side(openly) with Crowley. He’s going to still be susceptible to their tactics, especially if they say exactly what he’s been wanting to hear for his whole existence. “We were wrong, and you were right.” Metatron really pulled out every stop of the proper apology except for the little dance. We were wrong about you, We were wrong about how to run things, We were wrong about Crowley. You can come back and you can bring him and you can fix everything. Crowley refusing isn’t heaven’s fault, they still offered. It’s Crowley who rejected Aziraphale. (For good reason, but that’s not what this meta is about.) I made a post about Crowley and his relationship to forgiveness HERE, if you were interested.

So maybe things were changed by the book of life, the analysis on the opening credits is amazing, like great job. But I don’t know if they were. But that’s literally just me holding onto the plot of season 2 and shouting from the top of my lungs, “ITS ACTUALLY GOOD THOUGH BECAUSE I LIKE IT AND WHAT IT SETS UP” And who knows, we might be all wrong and what actually happened is that the whole thing was a very detailed dream that Aziraphale wrote down in one of his journals.

#good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens meta #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens 2 #go 2 spoilers #go2 spoilers #crowley #aziraphale #crowley and aziraphale #ineffable husbands #ineffable breakup

99 notes · View notes

justanotherwriter140 · 1 year

Text

Kung Fu Panda 4 - Edited

A really, really long discussion post.

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve expressed an explicit opinion on anything, hasn’t it? Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever done a hot-take post. I guess now is as good a time as any to write my first one, given our current situation...

So, the elephant (panda?) in the room: CinemaCon.

While we’ve hardly even had twenty-four hours to process this new information, I know that there are already a lot of strong opinions out there, and many of which are displeased. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone who’s necessarily happy about the news we received yesterday, and while everyone has differing reasons as to why they’re not thrilled, I think there are a lot of common factors among the skeptics. IMO, all of the concerns I’ve heard since the announcements have been understandable. Here’s a list of the most significant concerns:

Chen/Fox Warrior

A replacement for the Dragon Warrior

A villain whose “power” is (potentially) resurrecting past villains from the dead

The Furious Five and their relevancy

Director Mike Mitchell

Many fans are finding themselves confused with this alleged plot, mainly because (to put things bluntly) it doesn’t make any sense. I have a plethora of questions in regards to the second bullet alone, imagine how many I have in total!

You won’t have to imagine, actually, because I’m doing you all the favor of writing down my every thought. Strap in, folks!

First of all, who is Chen (?) and why is she relevant? While these are things that will, without question, need to be answered in the upcoming film, I’m still feeling apprehensive. Why would Po choose her as the next Dragon Warrior, a title that for three consecutive movies has been regarded as the highest possible title that any living being in this universe can achieve? What makes Chen the next Dragon Warrior, what makes her eligible? The Dragon Warrior is essentially OP at their full potential, and if we’re assuming that this title can in fact be passed on, why would Po give this power and influence to someone he meets in the same movie in which he makes the life-altering decision to seek out an heir? Why wouldn’t he at least choose someone he knows closely, rather than someone he initially doesn’t get along with (as stated in the plot description) and likely doesn’t trust? In my mind, the movie could only justify that choice with some sort of “message from the universe” making itself known to Po and telling him to choose Chen as his successor, but if that’s the road the writers end up going down, then I’d have to reiterate: why?

Backtracking for a second. We have never had any reason to believe that “another” Dragon Warrior existing is even a possibility, forget the concept of them co-existing with the current and original Dragon Warrior. Didn’t the initial significance and nuance of the title come from the fact that there is only one person who can be the Dragon Warrior, because the concept of the “Dragon Warrior” isn’t so much a title as it is Po himself? The universe (Oogway) must choose the Dragon Warrior because they are a singular being of legend. It is one person, and that person is Po. Wasn’t the point of the first film that the title ultimately doesn’t really matter because there is no “secret ingredient,” so to speak? The title doesn’t actually give Po anything. “It’s just you,” Po says, and that was the resolution.

Let’s set all of that aside for a moment, because I have a follow-up question: why in the world would Po be finding a replacement so soon? Yes, the alleged plot states that he’s been given a promotion and therefore wants someone else to fill in for him as the Dragon Warrior, but that doesn’t make sense to me. Why would Po’s new status (as something along the lines of the “Spiritual Leader/Master” of the Valley of Peace) hold him back from being the Dragon Warrior? If there’s something else behind him wanting to leave the role behind, I’m listening, but right now it feels very unbelievable. Why is he doing this so early in his life? He’s been the Dragon Warrior for four or five years at most, why is he throwing in the towel so soon? He’s young and has so much ahead of him, especially after all that he’s done. He’s built prestige and respect over the years and he’s so proud of his role as the Dragon Warrior. I’m confused!

One could make the argument that Po wants to settle down, which I’ve seen a few times on different social sites as a suggestion. However, he has shown no interest in such things in the past. He’s always excited to travel and see new things, so to see such a sudden change in attitude and priorities would likely have to be the result of a drastic occurrence. Po is not giving up his title as the Dragon Warrior, at least not with the way things are now. I’m not necessarily adverse to bold decisions being made in sequels, but this is probably too sharp of a turn for me to be okay with it.

Is it even possible for Po to no longer hold the title? If we reference what I stated earlier, about the title being not so much a title but rather just Po himself, could we even consider that Po can just spontaneously decide to not be the Dragon Warrior anymore? He was chosen by the universe; can he UNO reverse card the universe?

So many paragraphs, and I haven’t even gotten around to discussing the villain or the Furious Five. Let’s see how long I can write before my passion-induced rant starts to fizzle out!

In regards to the villain, I’m conflicted.

On the bright side, I’ve been rooting for a female villain for as long as I’ve been in the fanbase. A female villain could add something really new and fresh to the series, giving fans a new perspective and experience altogether. The only canonical female villains in the KFP universe as of right now are the Wu Sisters, who are some of my personal favorite villains to ever come out of the franchise.

Additionally, rumors suggest that the chameleon can shape-shift. The idea of a shapeshifting villain (who potentially possesses dark magic, or something similar) is admittedly really cool. In an unreleased (unfinished) discussion post, I go into detail regarding the advantages of a manipulative villain. If the chameleon is as manipulative as her shape-shifting powers suggest, she could actually be pretty interesting to watch. Of course, being me, I’d prefer emotional manipulation over anything else, but that’s still a possibility!

In the plot description, it’s stated that the chameleon has the ability to “summon” villains from Po’s past. While it’s been assumed that this is in reference to full on resurrection, there’s still some wiggle room for speculative variation. There are disagreements and conflicting information on whether or not the chameleon can actually revive Po’s former adversaries, as some claim that she has the ability to resurrect the dead (perhaps via dark magic), while others state that she simply takes on their form to mess with Po.

Let’s assume that the chameleon is legitimately able to bring back villains that Po has done away with in previous movies. Isn’t that an incredibly easy way to make it seem like Po is going to experience difficulty in defeating this movie’s opposing force? While I’ll admit that coming up with someone/something that will make Po falter and struggle was never going to be an easy task, especially at this stage, I can’t help but feel as though there’s a bit lacking in the creative department. It’s also a bit insulting, to be honest, because if this new villain has to rely on the reputations and powers of previous villains to put up a fight, then is this a villain worth paying any real mind to? Does she pose any kind of true threat?

Personally, I hope that the whole resurrection theory is false. I don’t think it would be in the best interest of anyone if the past villains were to come back in any way that’s not a flashback (even then, I’m not sure I’d see the point). In all honesty, I thought that the whole point of the villains was that they died and stayed dead. They were defeated by Po once and for all as a testament to the idea of establishing Po's character growth and journey as a person through the bad things he’s able to overcome. It’d be highly contradictory to the messages of the other films if these villains were to suddenly come back.

For a while, there were theories floating around that suggested that Kung Fu Panda 4′s villain would have some significance to Tigress. The thought process behind this follows a “villain formula” of sorts; each movie villain so far has been connected to a main character through that respective character’s past. Tai Lung was Shifu’s failed prodigy; a fallen angel archetype. Shen killed Po’s mother and led a genocide on his people in a feeble and desperate attempt to save himself from his own fate. Kai was Oogway’s former fellow warlord and brother-in-arms, seeking revenge for the betrayal he felt had been enacted upon him.

I am a full-fledged supporter of the next villain having a connection to Tigress. Unfortunately, though, it doesn’t seem likely given the information we currently have. This chameleon, from what we know at this point in time, has absolutely no connection to Po or anyone in the main cast. I’d even go as far as to say that there’s more of a reason to believe the chameleon will have a connection to Chen; mainly because I think that if Chen needs to be integrated into the main cast, that’s the way the writers are going to go. The problem with this, however, is that it doesn’t make that much sense given how significant of a character Tigress has become in the franchise.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt, though, because in truth, we really don’t know that much about our new villain. This chameleon could very well have a connection to Tigress! We won’t know until the time is right, I suppose.

I’ll use Tigress as a segue to talk about the Furious Five, because unlike in the third film and god-forsaken TV shows, they’re actually relevant here! Personally, I think that the Furious Five still have a bit to offer as characters, for found family feels and to act as nostalgic plot devices if for nothing else. I love the five, and while I can understand if the upcoming film's story doesn't call for their involvement as frequently as in KFP 1 and 2, I would still very much appreciate their presence throughout the movie instead of being totally cast aside like in the third movie.

That said, though, I have a different opinion regarding Tigress. She has always stood out as the most significant member of the Furious Five (to both the audience and Po) and has been very impactful to Po and his journey; she was especially important in Kung Fu Panda 2, during which she was shown coming out of her shell and showing something akin to affection towards Po. Their interactions were later described by Guillermo del Toro (who I believe worked on the movie as a creative consultant) as possessing “the hint of a romance.” Whether or not the fourth movie will decide to capitalize on this idea is fully up in the air. It’s been stated by former directors that the theme of romance in KFP would only ever be applied in a comical fashion, but those directors may no longer be involved at all. I’m a Po and Tigress enjoyer, but I’d much rather KFP 4 be a good, solid movie than it being weak and trying to hold itself up with a shallow romantic subplot with Po and Tigress. I would also hate (with the fury of a thousand suns) to see Tigress’s character reduced to that of a love interest; she’s strong, capable, independent, and totally awesome. If she has a larger role in the fourth movie, I’d watch her being a cold-hearted badass a thousand times over before I sit through two hours of her being overtly out-of-character for the sake of a “classic romance” with Po. A relationship between them could work, and I’ll be supportive of it if it’s done well, but it doesn’t and shouldn’t have to happen for the movie to be emotional and impactful and mean something.

I have an unfortunate yet strong suspicion that the Furious Five will be tossed to the curb in this movie, and I really hope I’m wrong, because they’re fun characters that help encapsulate the original feel of the franchise. They’re a key part of what gave Po his beginnings in the world of martial arts, and they’re also the people he desperately wanted to be like throughout his childhood (and young adult years). They’re his best friends, and while I want Po to have adventures of his own, I don’t want his origins to be forgotten in favor of new characters. I want the nostalgia, alright? Is that wrong? No, and if it were, I wouldn’t want to be right. Speaking of long-time characters, what about Shifu? I can’t help but wonder what he’ll be up to during this whole debacle. Meditating, perhaps? I hope nobody in the writers’ room decides it’s Shifu’s time to go, which has been a growing concern of mine since learning of Po’s ambiguous “promotion.”

The movie’s director, Mike Mitchell, has been involved with KFP before, but not to the extent of previous directors. While I know little information about him, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and I’ll maintain that sentiment until the movie releases. A potential (confirmed?) co-director is Stephanie Stine, the director of Raya and the Last Dragon.

Final thoughts, summarized:

The plot is kinda off and contradicts both Po’s character arc and the other movies

A female chameleon is the villain, which is maybe the only aspect of the movie I can get behind

The Furious Five and Shifu may be completely ignored (again)

The whole “passing of the torch” storyline does not work given Po’s situation

Chen’s character doesn’t make sense

I’m not familiar with the director(s)

If you took the time to read this post, kudos to you. I hope I was able to help you arrange your thoughts regarding this news, because I’m still a bit scatter-brained myself (which is a feeling that I think we can all relate to at the moment). I’ll likely add more to this post over time, whether it be via re-blogs or simple edits. I think of something new to add to this post every few minutes, which I’ve been doing for a few hours now...

Let’s end on a positive note, because I know I was a bit of a downer here:

The title looks pretty cool, I’m not gonna lie. I like the scale texture!

138 notes · View notes

loveyourownsmiilee · 2 years

Text

Eddie Diaz’s Hair Meta

Hello friends. I was sent this ask a while back and it prompted me to take a deep dive behind what Eddie’s hair means to him. I am in no way a psychiatrist of any sorts, but I have taken a lot of psychology courses, and courses on behavioral studies. This is all just from my own perception of what I believe to be the significance behind his hairstyles/haircuts. So if you’re interested, then I hope you enjoy. And if this is not your cup of tea, well then that’s alright too.

We have seen Eddie go through many different hairstyles over the 4 years we've known him. I will go into depth of what I perceive these styles to mean in accordance to where he is in his life during those times. I will also explain how I believe there’s more to his hair than just a simple style.

To begin, hair is something that is so personal to most people. A lot of people use their hair to represent themselves, who they are, what they stand for, etc. But there’s a psychology behind the representation of hair as well. Hair can signify a persons identity. People use their hair to establish their own persona to others. But they also allow their hair to influence the way they want to define the person they are to themselves.

Most often than not, people respond to stress by grasping for things they can control when everything else around them is out of their reach. By changing the cut and/or color of your hair, you somehow convince yourself that things will be different, that you are somehow “starting over.”

This whole starting over process when it comes to hair change, comes most often when someone is recovering from trauma-whether it be the death of a loved one, end of a relationship, loss of a job, or deteriorating health, either physical or mental. People use this as a coping mechanism, a mild form of self-harm because when they change their appearance, it’s as if it’s the first step in changing other things in their lives. Whether it’s a quick cut, or dye job, it is essentially a quicker fix than tackling on the more pressing issues in your life.

With Eddie Diaz, we’ve seen him have many different hairstyles in the time we’ve known him. When we meet him in season 2, we have him with perfectly coiffed hair, fluffy, and stylish. It’s always done and never messy which indicates that he has his life somewhat put together. We meet him as an Army veteran, a single dad, and very competent firefighter. He is the perfect package and we can tell by his perfect hairstyle that he’s not really struggling as much when we first meet him. We find out later on about his estranged wife but again, his hairstyle is always done so nicely. This indicates that he somewhat has a grasp on his life. He may be silently struggling but he’s not on the verge of a breakdown anytime soon!

The first time we see Eddie changing up his hair is right at the beginning of season 3! He drastically buzzed off his beautiful, luscious hair and kind of reverted to an Army style haircut. Now why the sudden change? Let’s remember that people tend to change up their hairstyles as a trauma response for the death of a loved one.

His wife had passed away in a tragic accident towards the end of season 2, and then right after that, his partner/best friend got caught in a freak accident. So even though we see him smiling and appearing to be alright beginning of season 3, we can clearly tell something is not 100% Eddie with his new haircut.

As season 3 develops, we see Eddie struggling tremendously with the fact that his wife left him and his son again, and then his partner Buck temporarily was out of reach as well. He joins an illegal fight ring and slowly starts to fall apart. It all comes to a head when he almost kills someone during one of those fights. We find out during his conversation with Bobby that he very much is still angry at his dead wife for leaving him because he wasn’t enough for her to stay. The buzzcut makes sense because it’s low maintenance and one less thing he has to worry about while he’s working through all his issues.

In season 4, we have a different hairstyle that we haven’t seen on Eddie before. It’s definitely longer than his buzzcut, which indicates he’s moving on from his grief of losing a loved one. It’s styled and unlike how we were first introduced to Eddie. That tells us that he’s trying to put on a façade and be someone who he really isn’t. It’s a very “dad” cut and style. He has his hair parted and gelled to the side. Now this change up can indicate Eddie slowly trying to move on with his life and we get confirmation of that when he starts dating again. He starts up a relationship, which is something new in his life.

Now why is this hairstyle relevant to the new change in his life? He got in a relationship with a woman who’s his “ideal woman” on paper. He’s dating her because he thinks she’ll be what’s best for his son. He’s been putting on an act and trying to maintain this relationship with her because he thinks that’s what’s expected of him, kinda like his hairstyle. Why do I mention this? Because again, hairstyles are how we want to present ourselves to others. How we want to be seen. His hair has never looked like this before and it’s the first styled and proper hairstyle he’s had since we’ve met him. It’s like those default American dad styles. It’s very unlike Eddie, and it kinda goes hand in hand with his relationship because it proves that he’s trying to be someone he’s really not.

In season 5, we see Eddie’s hair change up again and this comes right after he’s experienced trauma. He was shot in broad daylight in front of his partner and went through something horrific once more. It’s softer and has a little less product in it. Almost as if he’s struggling to keep it all held together. Almost as if he’s wanting to revert back to the real him but he’s at a standstill because he doesn’t know who the real him is.

We see as the season continues, Eddie’s mental health starts to border the line of deteriorating. His hair gets longer and it’s not as tightly kept with his gel. That indicates a breakdown waiting to happen. When people stop putting in much effort to fix themselves up, it is the biggest sign that they’re not doing well mentally. It all comes to a head when he tells the team he’s leaving the 118 in 5.10.

Afterwards, we get 5.11, when we see another one of Eddie’s drastic haircut changes. It’s shorter on the sides and spikier on top. This is a look we’ve never seen on him before. That can indicate a trauma response to the loss of his firefighting job. Not only that, but it also indicates deteriorating mental health.

He’s not spending his time or his energy on styling his hair anymore. He needed something low maintenance because he’s barely keeping it together. Him chopping his hair and changing this up is due to the fact that that is the one thing he can have control over. He’s not doing what he loves, his child is afraid he’s gonna die, he’s struggling with his ptsd. Everything is slipping through his fingers. So what does he do? He changes his haircut. He gets rid of some of the weight off his shoulders because that’s the only thing he can have control over. Changes up his look from the fake polished person he was trying so hard to be into someone a little more like his true self.

And we see that the haircut did indicate an impending breakdown, which we saw occur in 5.13. So that goes to prove that there is some correlation to Eddie’s differing hairstyles and what it says about the things he is going through.

Towards the end of season 5, we see Eddie much happier and embracing his new look. It’s still shorter on the sides, but it’s free from product. It’s kinda starting to look like the hairstyle we saw him with in season 2, but a more personalized version. Almost as if this is the real him and he’s finally embracing who he is as a person. I think season 6 will show more healing for Eddie and have us see him not try to put on a façade anymore. He’ll be living his true life and I can’t wait to see what this brings us.

#eddie diaz #buddie #buddie meta #911 on fox #911 meta #jujus having thoughts #Eddie Diaz’s hair meta

238 notes · View notes

cafeinthemoon · 11 months

Text

Ruins - Part XVI

Chapter 16/?

Wordcount 4,1k

Title Part XVI

Fandom Shuumatsu no Valkyrie / Record of Ragnarok

Previous chapters

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8 . 9 . 10 . 11 . 12 . 13 . 14 . 15

Symbols ⭕ ➕ 💛

Warnings: none

Tagging @holdyourwine @lilacshouko (If you want to be tagged in any of my stories, just leave a comment on this chapter or send an ask or a message)

N. A.: So... it's been a while lol Some things happened the last weeks that kept me away from my works, but finally I'm back 💜 During this time, I've faced stress from work, I got COVID, I recovered from it, got back to work for a few days until my vacation started, then I traveled, and now I'm back home. I didn't map this chapter, but I already knew what I wanted to include in it, so it wasn't really hard to work on it. As a way to apologize, I made it longer, so I hope you enjoy it :)

While Zeus’ son took to himself the task of traveling to Midgard in order to make the announcement to the bride’s family, the other messengers were sent to the Heavens, to deliver the invitation to the groom’s youngest brother and his family; to the depths of the Seas, where his other brother saw his predictions about being requested in Valhalla in a few months turn into reality; and to the Underworld, where the god of Conquest received the news with enthusiasm: the growth of his family and the birth of a goddess were things that he hasn’t seen in ages. The pantheons that were in good terms with Greece were also invited, of course, and the preparations for the next great festivity inside each of them started immediately after the messengers’ departure.

Hermes and all the younger gods who worked under him haven’t had that amount of work in a long time: having a date settled for the next weeks, your wedding was now a reality, and given the unprecedented nature of the union and the fact that one of the most important gods was involved in it, there were many people to be informed and messages to be sent.

In a way that would only surprise people who knew nothing about human beings, the human girls were the first to know about the wedding, and they wasted no time in coming to congratulate you and cheer up with the perspective of a new party in Valhalla: this wasn’t something that happened every year, so they were right in considering themselves lucky. The ones with whom you had a closer friendship asked you about your feelings towards marriage and if you were nervous about the idea of leaving humanity behind, and even if you already knew what type of goddess you would be, but there wasn’t really much you could answer: since you were never married before, you still didn’t know how you were supposed to feel, and the same could be said about the ritual and the events would follow it; about being a goddess, Hades told you that your purpose would become clear to you after your transformation, but some of your current passions, interests and personality traits could influence in the process, so it was too soon to have a definitive answer in this sense.

To be honest, you were more anxious about your role as a Queen than about being given divine powers: by the studying sessions you’ve had the last months, you were aware that working as a governor was a great responsibility, and you felt anything but prepared for it. You already talked about this to Hades, who tranquilized you, stating that you would be by his side for all the time you needed; you always tried to focus on this, but sometimes your anxiety would take the best from you, and thinking about the future was the last thing you wanted.

***

The greenish stem of the narcissus grew out of the little amount of soil seconds after you poured some drops of the mixture you just created, and your eyes widened with the vision. It’s been several days since you started experimenting with flowers, but Valhalla’s technology didn’t cease to impress you: countless possibilities of creating new species that would grow before your eyes with the most exuberant colors and shapes were a dream coming true; it was the perfect type of work, according to your standards, being a fusion of observation, study, creativity and sensibility, with endless paths to explore and beauties to discover.

The first leaves appeared all over the stem and on the upper side of it, making you hold your breath. It was almost there; you were sure you had the correct amount of substances united this time, so now the petals should have the desired shade.

The first petal appeared among them, followed by the others…

And then you had a purplish, iridescent flower, just like all the others you already had around you.

You sighed, disappointed. Yes, you loved the garden you ended up creating on that corner of the Greenhouse, and you loved the flower you just planted as well, but you felt you would have loved it more if you finally got the shade you’ve been trying to create since the last month: a celestial, vibrant blue, just like the blue that overcame the skies after the twilight and preceded the black of the night during summers in your homeland. You’ve been trying many things to create a variation of the species with such color, but the farthest you got was to create a purple flower.

You went to your notebook, opened on the table, and started revising your notes.

– These are the most beautiful mistakes you’ve ever made, little one.

You startled, then smiled, closing your notes and turning to Hades, who just crossed the room’s entry and was now touching the flowers that hanged upon it. He was aware of your incessant attempts to create the blue narcissus, and has been following your work from close, so he knew you were far from the results you wanted; still, he never ceased to admire your creations, seeing them as works of art, or beautiful mistakes, as he liked to say.

He approached the table as you leaned on it, crossing your arms and leaving the newest flower at sight.

– And what about this one? – you indicated it with a look.

His response was to touch the purple petals with his fingertips the same way he used to do with your hair, admiring the variations on its surface, created by the light that entered through the transparent walls, filtered by the leaves of the trees and ivy that surrounded the place, among which many of your own flowers spread.

– It might sound as a common place – he started – But this one surpasses all the others. How did you make it?

You showed your notes to him.

– I don’t understand what’s going on – you complained, observing the flower while he looked through the text – I’ve been calculating everything so carefully, yet it seems impossible to reach the exact shade of blue I want. I need to make the green undertone more prominent, but the red one just won’t decrease, no matter how much I work on it...

Hades spent a moment in silence, alternating his gaze between the notes and the flower. He has been the one who encouraged you most in this project, not letting you give up every time an unexpected color appeared on the petals and praising the results you’ve managed to reach, even when they weren’t exactly what you wanted; as a request made by you, however, he never interfered in the process, whether using his powers or giving you the subtlest instructions.

When he finally returned you the notebook, you thought he would give you some advice, but his response was to smile while observing the narcissus with a mysterious gaze.

You were the one who restarted the conversation.

– So… what do you think?

He took a moment to reply.

– I think your progress is something impressive, even for our standards – he touched the flower one more time; and, looking at his surroundings, – You just built an entire garden of new variations of narcissus in a matter of weeks. It is just my opinion but, despite not reaching your goal, you have all the reasons to proud, my y/n.

You had this sensation that Hades found something on your notes – maybe the mistake you’ve been making or the reason, the element you were yet to add to your formula, but it was currently out of your possibilities – but instead of talking about it, he preferred to use his time to encourage you.

You sighed.

– It’s not that I don’t like what I’ve produced until now. I love all of this – you made a gesture with your hands, indicating your creations – I mean, who wouldn’t love to work on something that would be impossible in their own homeland? Still, being aware of your own limitations is tiring sometimes… even for us.

Hades turned his eyes to you in a curious manner; however, he didn’t share whatever important discovery he did at that very moment with you, suddenly changing the subject with no additional explanations.

– Will you come with me for a moment? – he offered his hand – There’s something I need you to see. Well, actually, it is a place I want to show you.

You looked all over your table and frowned.

– Right now? I’m a bit occupied…

– It won’t take too long, I promise – he assured you – You will be back to continue your experiments when you least expect. And in a lighter mood, I hope.

You surrendered, holding his hand with both of yours with a smile: maybe you really needed a break from your efforts.

– If you say so…

Hades gave one last look at the narcissus before taking you out of the Greenhouse.

– Not only this, but maybe we can even find a spot for these wonderful mistakes here.

***

Though Valhalla was a seemingly borderless place, you somehow thought you’ve already met any space where your people were allowed to step in, so when Hades said that he wanted you to meet a new place, you felt as curious as you haven’t been in a while.

However, when you noticed he was leading you to a zone you knew to be exclusive for the gods, your curiosity turned into suspicion.

You were now crossing a narrow path of white stones that led to a high building of the same shade, except for the golden decorations surrounding the columns and the frames of the windows; the building was located behind great golden gates that were opened at that moment. You didn’t take long to understand of kind of place it was.

You stopped midway, making your partner stop too.

– Wait, this is a lodge, right? – you frowned – Are you sure that I can enter it? I don’t want to cause any problems…

Hades showed no worries concerning your presence there. Letting go of your hand, he caressed the top of your head.

– You can enter as long as you have permission – he explained – There won’t be any problem as long as you stay with me.

After you crossed the gates and stopped in front of the building, he stretched his hand to the great doors, opening the way for you.

***

The place was more like an apartment than a room, for various reasons: first, it was larger than any other place you’ve visited at Valhalla; second, by the number of doors and openings on the walls visible when you entered the private sections, you supposed that there was a reasonable number of departments which use would go beyond the bed area.

The first thing you saw when you stepped into the chambers was what looked like a living room or a space dedicated to visitors. The walls, covered in a purple wallpaper with a sophisticated pattern representing flowers and almonds, were extremely high for a common room, at least the ones you were used to find in the houses of your acquaintances in Midgard; perhaps those ones were an example of what you would find at a noble residence. There were a sofa and two upholstered chairs with a shade similar to the one of the walls, and a small table was placed at the center. The decoration consisted in small statues that reminded you of the ones at the Gardens, vases and exotic flowers. The walls, by the way, were covered in oil paintings that represented episodes from the stories told by Hades, all of them made in aged gold.

You didn’t need any explanations to guess what kind of place was that.

So… he brought me here to show me the room where we will spend our honeymoon.

He closed the door behind you and stopped by your side, smiling at your silence and your widened eyes.

– If only you could see the glimmer in your eyes now, little one – he commented – I feel like I should have introduced you to this place earlier.

You felt your cheeks getting warm and smiled.

– So… This is where you’ve been hiding for all this time? – and, looking around, – It’s quite comfortable.

He laughed.

– Actually, I’ve been using a different apartment, closer to Hermes’ chambers. It made it easier to approach you, since this building here is isolated.

You were staring at the flowers while he spoke, and didn’t take long to notice they were natural. You turned to him with a mixture of diversion and suspicion.

– Still, you’ve been here before taking me with you, right? – you pointed at the flowers – Otherwise, who’s been taking care of these flowers for you?

Hades pretended to be surprised for a second before start laughing.

– Loki was right when he said it was impossible to lie to you, then – he passed an arm around your waist and caressed your face – But let me tell you that this time you’re mistaken. These plants had their structure modified in order to increase their lifespan, so that they’ve been here for quite some time, being maintained with little effort from the elves’ part.

You shrugged.

– Really?

He nodded.

– Really. Now, allow me to show you the rest.

At the back of that room, at the same direction of the entry, there was a pair of doors of the same material of the first ones. Hades took you by the hand to them, then opened them both with a push of his free palm.

***

The bedroom had each corner built in art, beauty and exuberance.

The walls were covered in a softer version of the wallpaper you found at the living room, creating the sensation that the room was larger; the ceiling, just like the one of a church, had a Classic oil painting that would spread throughout its extension, exhibiting peaceful scenes of nature and mundane life.

At the center of the place, you saw the largest bed your imagination could conceive, with big pillows and cushions, covered with rosy, satin sheets. Above the upholstered headboard, there was an enormous tapestry which borders were sewn in golden threads, but it was the image depicted in the fabric that enchanted you: a garden that reminded you of the ones prepared for humans at Valhalla, full of fruit trees and lush grass; in a clearing formed among those trees, there was a group of nymphs on barefoot, with white dresses and flower crowns on their heads, holding hands to form a circle, dancing while the winds would blow in their wild hair (one of them even lost her crown, but didn’t mind stopping the dance to get it back); at the picture’s left, in the background, there was a faun sitting on a rock, dangling his hairy legs and playing a syrinx while birds and other small animals surrounded him. Framing this tapestry, there was a pair of curtains, opened and wrapped with golden threads on each side of the bed; they were connected to a woody structure that formed a sort of canopy. In front of the bed, there was an arc of bronze following the bed’s width, and under it a heavy carpet.

At your right, there was a pair of rosy doors that would lead to a balcony, while at your left you saw a few doors that you supposed to take the visitor to bathrooms, a kitchen or other essential departments. You looked around, searching for any source of artificial light, but couldn’t find any lamps; instead you saw candle holders at each wall.

Everything was clean, well built, luxurious… and a bit outdated.

Your silence might have caused a bit of discomfort, because Hades turned to you and politely asked for a verbal response.

– So… what do you think?

You looked at him, opened your mouth and closed it again.

Heavens, how am I going to tell him that, despite being beautiful, this place looks like it’s been closed since the Middle Ages?

You didn’t want to hurt your lover’s feelings, of course, but you had to be honest. You decided to examine the territory.

– Of course I loved it, and I’m flattered that you brought me here in anticipation but... let me ask you… – you bit your lip – When was the last time you used these chambers?

Hades crossed his arms and took a moment trying to remember, and the answer he gave you was, at the same time, the type of thing you were expecting and the last thing you could imagine.

– Hm… a few years ago, in an emergency, when I, my brother Zeus, Shiva and Odin had to travel here and solve an issue involving the human Nostradamus and the Bifrost.

You stared at him for a while, not hiding your surprise. A few years ago, he was saying?

– Nostradamus? You mean, that man Nostradamus, who lived centuries ago?

– Yes.

– Well…

When he finally understood, he started to laugh, passing his arms around you.

– Of course, we can redecorate it with something… modern, little one – he kissed your cheek – We will do anything that brings comfort in this important moment.

– I apologize if it looks like I’m calling you an old man – you laughed in embarrassment – It’s just that… time runs faster for us.

He looked around, letting out a nostalgic sigh.

– I see – and, suddenly changing the subject, – So, if this is the case, hurry up, because there’s something you need to see right now.

With a cheerful smile, Hades took you by the hand through the balcony’s door before you could say anything in response.

The balcony wasn’t really large, and it was structured in delicacy and elegance: the parapet was built in white marble, with Spring concepts carved in the stone; at your right, you saw a small table and two chairs, and upon it a tiny, empty vase, while at your left there was a narrow spiral staircase leading upwards. You were taken through it by the hand, and when you finally reached the upper floor, your eyes widened.

A private garden was built there, as a smaller version of the Secret Garden, where you’ve lived the most important moments of your relationship until that day. There were statues of beautiful heroes and damsels, as well as others representing forest creatures and animals, and benches near them; there were fruit trees which height was probably modified in the Greenhouse in order to fit that space, something that worked perfectly as far as you could see; in the center of the garden, there was a fountain where the birds would bathe and drink water, and they all flied when you approached them, splashing drops at all directions and making you laugh. The floor was of reddish, rectangular blocks made of stone, and it formed a labyrinth of narrow paths that led to each corner of the garden, so that every of those beauties would be at your hands’ reach.

However, you couldn’t help noticing that there were some empty vases here and there, as well as spaces on the grass that could be used to grow new plants. You turned to Hades and questioned him about this.

– Do you remember when I said we could find a spot for your wonderful mistakes?

You opened your mouth in surprise. So this was what he had in mind?

– This soil is prepared to receive every new species created in the Greenhouse – he explained – So your flowers will never feel abandoned when we bring them here. Even after our departure to Hellheim.

You frowned, worried.

– So... they will stay here?

– The elves will take care of them, so you don’t need to worry – he smiled – Besides… who told you that you will never return to Valhalla?

– But I thought…

– Yes, travels from Hellheim to Valhalla have been rare, with important events and crisis being the exceptions. But this is while I lived alone – Hades caressed your hair – Now, with a beloved wife by my side, changes in this sense are expected.

Your cheeks warmed up. Being called like that, even when you were still human and not married, made your heart skip. You wrapped your arms around your lover and laid your head on his chest, trying to find out if the same happened to his heart as well.

– Thank you for everything – you whispered – Thank you for your love.

– No – he replied – Thank you for your love.

***

The conversation that took place when you walked down the stairs and went back at the balcony was one that you knew you should have, sooner or later; well, actually you’ve been trying to find an opportunity to have it the last days, but no appropriate moment came. Now that you were at the very place where you should become a married woman, you understood that the time you’ve been waiting for has finally come.

While you stopped at the parapet to appreciate the landscape, your deliberations didn’t go unnoticed by Hades.

– Is it just me or have you been a bit nervous since you came here? – he started; and with a playful smile, – Is there something bothering you besides the decoration?

You giggled.

– I don’t know if bothering is the best word for this, but… Yes, there’s something I’ve been wanting to discuss with you for days – you took his hands on yours – You know, I’ve already told you that I’ve been in a few relationships, but all of them were too brief, so that they didn’t develop into something more… serious, intimate.

It didn’t take long for him to understand.

– Are you telling me that you’ve never been touched?

A heat came up to your face at those words: though you had no restraints in your communication, it still had a strange impact to hear him speak straight about this.

You nodded in confirmation.

– You’re the first person with whom I’ve got this far in a relationship, so… Yes, you will be my first.

Hades brushed your hair behind your ear.

– So, not being experienced makes you afraid? But what exactly do you fear?

You sighed.

– I fear that I end up not knowing how to… behave… That I feel uncomfortable... and mess up everything... and look ridiculous... and disappoint you…

Holding your face with both hands, his response was to give you a long kiss on your forehead.

– If these are the things you fear, then let’s not allow them to happen – he replied – When the time comes and you sense them approaching, just tell me, and we will take care of them together. Sounds good for you?

– Sounds perfect – you smiled, putting your hands upon his – Thank you for understanding.

– And thank you for sharing this with me, my y/n – he sighed – Since you decided to speak about this… There’s something I’d like to share with you too.

– Really? And what is it?

That time, Hades was the one who showed hesitation in his manners.

– It’s been a while… Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a relationship. Before I met you, I’ve already forgotten how it felt like – he lowered his tone – Besides, I’ve never touched a human being, so, in a certain way, it will be a first time for me too.

That revelation changed the entire way you saw him. By the stories you’ve always heard about the gods and their interactions with humans, you knew that romantic and sexual relationships between the two species – which many times resulted in the birth of beings called demigods – was a common place, so the possibility of it not being the case with the King of the Underworld was something that never occurred to you. But now that you thought of it, it made sense: he has been living in a domain to where your people would only go after dying, and rarely left it without good reasons; besides, by what he told you about his family life, it was implied that he has been so busy with the matters involving his brothers that his personal life was left aside for what might be equal to ages. Indeed, there never seemed to be room for humans in his life before – which meant that having his private life back in the company of a human girl might have sounded like an intense, even scary experience to him.

– So – you started – Does this make you nervous?

– I bit… I think.

The blush you noticed on his cheeks made you smile.

In an imitation of Hades’ gesture, you brought you hands to his face, then stood on tip toes to reach his lips with yours: that was your time to assure him.

– If this will be a first time for both of us, let’s take care of it together – you whispered – Sounds good for you?

He laughed at this: seeing you use his words against him was just too funny.

So he decided to join the game.

– Sounds perfect.

#shuumatsu no valkyrie hades #record of ragnarok hades #snv hades #ror hades #hades x reader #snv hades x reader #ror hades x reader #snv x reader #ror x reader #hades snv #hades record of ragnarok #hades ror

48 notes · View notes

thisisnotthenerd · 1 year

Text

Neverafter Episode 14: Daughters of the Crown thoughts and musings. Spoilers Ahead.

Well, I got my wish for a gerelody reunion, almost verbatim.

I’m glad that it wasn’t cut-and-dry. That both of them had the opportunity to say the things they needed to say and had the time and space to process a reunion. I think a truer aspect of Gerard’s curse is coming forth--that the ratio of frog to man isn’t really dependent on Elody and how much she loved him, but more on his own sense of self and what defines his nature, after having lived so long as a frog.

Elody got into the meat of her issue with the world, being that the simplest parts of her life are the only things being preserved in story. That the person she is and the struggles she has experienced beyond that aren’t worth remembering. I think her motivation there is definitely closer to the party than it is to the princesses, but who knows how that will change.

As for the princesses, I’m concerned about the next action they will take. The suicidal nature of their mission to destroy and restructure the Neverafter is unsettling and speaks to a lack of regard for stories and people other than themselves as well as a deeply sad reason for their mission. They all want a better future for themselves by whatever means necessary; at the very least, those that have been in on it the longest don’t have a regard for other stories and/or people if they stand in their way. Emily hit it on the head: we didn’t know if they were right or just young, hot, and good with magic and weapons. Now we know their interests diverge, and a fight with them will not go well for the party.

The prehensile hair on Rapunzel is terrifying, and only knowing that her persona is performative on a nat 20 perception check tells me that there’s a lot more going on under that hair of hers. Also, they know that Cinderella is more of a frontlines person, but have no idea the extent of la Bête’s power, and Snow White literally has an army. Elody and Mira are newer--not Twice-Upon-A-Time. I think they’re unlikely to do battle against Destiny’s Children unless they’re heavily coerced. They’re hostages, whether they’ve realized it or not.

However, Destiny’s Children has been collecting power and information in a way that somewhat destabilizes them; each party member has something they could do to dramatically change their course of action.

From a terrestrial perspective, while Gerard and Elody aren’t in a perfect place, I have a feeling that a proper conversation with her could deeply influence her perspective on the princesses, especially if the party is advocating to get her out. Rosamund’s first loyalty isn’t to the princesses; if she refuses to commit to the plan, and Elody or even Mira choose not to as well, the princesses are going to lose their advantage in numbers and probably seek to take them back by force, which detracts from their greater goal.

On a multiversal scale, four of Destiny’s Children are working with a power set was specifically granted to them by a higher power, greater than the princesses or fairies. Ylfa has the blessing of Death on her--my theory being that if the Wolf was not saved, she was being unknowingly set up to take on the role. He wanted her to live even when she was killing herself before him. There’s a little inconsistency in that she didn’t gain a greater awareness upon consuming the Wolf the way the Baron of Bricks did, but that could come down to a few things: he wasn’t boiled down the way he was in the soup, she was still confined to her original story and thus could not become aware immediately, or even that he simply wanted to preserve her remaining innocence with regard to the Neverafter, when she had already lost so much.

Pib, while technically only functioning with the memories of a Twice-Upon-A-Time, is fundamentally a trickster archetype. Theory time: he may not have the power that the BBW or the various Geese do, but being an archetype grants these characters a certain amount of power and perspective that the ‘protagonist’ characters don’t have. Pib has been the one to make discoveries on a wide variety of fronts--he got the true books out of the Lines Between, which gave the party a major advantage in terms of figuring out the Neverafter and gave Pinocchio the opportunity to seize his own destiny. He can make big swings without compromising his role and thus isn’t as constrained as the other party members. We know that the Stepmother, who gains from consumption of other stories, is a powerful threat; however, though she was a warlock patron, I don’t think she’s quite on same axis as the bigger players like the BBW, the Geese, or the Baba Yaga. She doesn’t have a universal awareness. Pib could theoretically take that on.

Pinocchio, on the other hand, is the boy of destiny. He’s wielding his story like a weapon. There is a great deal of power to that--I think he’s one of the party members they’d try to control immediately aside from Timothy. He can call on parts of his story that are actively dangerous i.e. il Terribile Pescecane--maybe not consciously, but it’s a risk they’d have to take with him around. For all that Pinocchio suffered in his tales, there’s a lot that could come out of that book.

Speaking of books, I think Timothy is going to be in a tight spot after this. Knowing that all they have to do is get the ink to him, I think the princesses may be gunning for him as a tool. There’s no way he would put it down, but I’d be willing to bet that the prehensile hair would be in the room while he’s sleeping, just waiting for an opportunity. Also, if they know he’s on his last wish, the idea may be to trigger that into killing him and then just take the book for themselves. The princesses are certainly ruthless and I wouldn’t put it past them, Cinderella, Snow White, and Rapunzel especially, to do that.

53 notes · View notes

salti-thelatediagnosedautist · 1 year

Text

The emotional whiplash of a late autism diagnosis.

When I first thought about reaching out for an autism diagnosis, I did not expect the emotional roller-coaster it put me through.

I had suspected I was autistic since 13 years old. I was self diagnosed since 18 years old. I’m now 22, meaning I had related to and thought about being autistic for close to a decade.

Basically, I thought I was really comfortable with the idea of being autistic. It felt right, it felt good to know what was “wrong” with me. Even whilst going through the assessment process I was ecstatic. I was so excited to finally be able to confidently say “I am autistic”. Or be able to explain away my oddities and struggles. To finally be able to prove why I struggle with certain things.

Even for a few days after my diagnosis, I was so happy. I finally had my answer. I was right all along, I am autistic.

Then, “oh shit. I’m autistic. I will be autistic, for my whole life...”.

Complete, joyful certainty, was followed by doubt, fear and shame.

I am going to be autistic for the *rest* of my existence. I am going to be disabled for the rest of my existence. I am going to struggle with my sensory issues, my social struggles, my difficulty with connection, my sense of feeling out of place...

... for the rest of my life.

It almost felt like a death sentence, despite having been so comfortable with the diagnosis before I got professionally assessed.

Realising that I was actually a medically, 100% authentic, autisitic meant that I had to face the fact that I would NEVER be neurotypical. I can NEVER be normal. This is who I am, forever.

Yes, there are treatments and therapies and meds, but this won’t just go away. Being diagnosed doesn’t make it go away. It makes you realise just how permanent it is.

So, for a few weeks after my diagnosis, I have been grieving. I know that sounds weird but the idea of who I was, am, and will be, has had to completely change for me.

I will never be able to overcome my autistic traits. I thought through self improvement and hard work I could overcome my social anxiety, food aversions, high sensitivity and social blindness. But I won’t. Not completely. I can manage my traits and work on lessening their effect, but autism will ALWAYS influence my life.

Another aspect of being diagnosed that was depressing to me was realising how much time I wasted trying to be neurotypical. I’m an autistic person who tends to mask... a lot. I even referred to myself in the past as a chronic people pleaser... during some points of my life I feel as though I completely lost my identity to masking. To trying to be something I wasn’t.

I’ve had to realise how much time I wasted trying to make myself normal. Years of my life. My entire highschool experience, entire jobs... wasted to the mask. (Masking is not necessarily bad I just personally took it too far).

The part that hurts the worst to me, is realising that I never had a chance. I thought if I masked enough I would pass as normal, be able to live a neurotypical life.

But I never had even a sliver of a chance at succeeding at being neurotypical. At being “normal”. All my efforts were basically for nothing.

I’m sure now that people have always been able to tell I was different, an oddity, perhaps just a bit “eccentric”. But little-me was always destined to fail.

I was always destined to run into major burn out. Masking 24/7 for literal years was guaranteed to destroy my mental health and ruin my identity, self confidence and self worth.

The other aspect I struggled to comes to terms with is how no-one noticed. Looking back at my childhood, I feel as though it is extremely obvious I was struggling. I had few friends, was very emotional, very withdrawn. But because I was doing well in school and could talk no one seemed to want to look further into me.

I know that my lack of a diagnosis was not from a lack of love from my parents. I know that logically. Yet I can’t help but feel betrayed. They didn’t notice such a pervasive and destructive disability (only destructive because of my lack of understanding at the time) in their own kid. I question if they cared, if they loved me. If any of my teachers even gave a shit about me.

But despite all this, I feel as though I am slowly coming to terms with what being autistic will mean for me, and for my life. Being able to identify as disabled has made self compassion so much easier for me already.

To finish off, I want to let you all know that this is my warning. Self diagnosis is a wonderful thing. But no matter how comfortable you feel with your self diagnosis, if you go to get a professional diagnosis please be prepared for a LOT of feelings. It’s a lot to process. Please be kind to yourself. <3

#actually autistic #autism #mental disability #developmental disorder #autism spectrum #ASD #late diagnosed autistic #mental health #OC

58 notes · View notes

alexstudyjapanese · 3 months

Text

Seven Samurai

Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai, although having a runtime of three and a half hours, was engaging for me from front to finish. The film takes place in 16th century Japan, covering a small farming village’s conflict with raiding bandits. The village elder decides to fight back, and a small group of men are sent to find samurai to fight for the village. The first hour of so is spent assembling the titular crew of seven samurai who devote themselves to defending the village from the bandits.

My favorite part of the film is the attention to each characters’ personality, struggle, and motives. When the samurai are introduced, you get a sense of why the character chooses to join the crew or not. A huge influence is the caste system that influenced Japan in this era, with samurai not finding the same honor in defending a village as defending a clan with a castle. Kikuchiyo interested me the most, as he was clearly overcompensating for some aspect he felt he internally lacked, as seen in his attempt to deceive the samurai into believing he was from a line of samurai. This attention to the individual also adds weight to the fight scenes for me, as the impact of the character’s decisions and immediate objectives, as well as the consequences suffered, are clearly portrayed.

The caste conflict rises in two main subplots. Firstly, when it’s revealed the villagers are harboring samurai armor, meaning they have killed samurai in a past conflict. This adds immense tension, as the samurai question why they are even fighting for deceitful villagers. A powerful character moment followed when Kikuchiyo argued for the villagers, despite their nature to lie, because the samurai have caused them to live in fear. This moment revealed why Kikuchiyo has acted in the way he did, as he was born a farmer and moved through the caste system to become a samurai.

The other subplot involves a love story between Shino, the daughter of one of the villagers, and Katsushiro, a young samurai. On the eve of the decisive battle, Shino’s father discovers the pair’s entanglement, lashing out in anger and calling Shino damaged goods. This further displays the fact that farmers and samurai simply should not mix. Although this subplot was less crucial to the story, I think that Kurosawa was trying to fight against this strict system, with villagers saying “it’s just two people in love”.

People are driven by societal expectations of how they must act. Farmers and samurai do not mix. Samurai have the drive to prove their strength and honor in defending a village, even if they have nothing but rice to gain. The bandits continue their offensive, even once it’s clear the village’s defenses are too much for them. The outcome of this thinking is summed up nicely in the final scene, with Kambei saying “In the end, we’ve lost this battle too” before the camera pans up to the graves of the four fallen samurai. The peasant farmers are the victors, not the samurai who fought for them.

The filming techniques in this movie very pleasantly surprised me. I found myself entranced by the fighting scenes with shots such as the women’s point of view of the fighting from behind the wooden bars of their shelter. With almost exclusively practical effects, I was interested in the filming process of this movie. Turns out it wasn’t all that smooth, with the movie being delayed twice due to Kurosawa going overbudget and the final cost being $500,000 USD, the most of any Japanese film at the time. I think this speaks to the grand scale of the film, perhaps more than any other Japanese film up until that point.

2 notes · View notes

stillness-in-green · 1 year

Note

You need a kosher explanation for the kid Horikoshi brought back for two arcs despite failing in the first, decided to add the father of to the manga, gave a significant amount of character while setting up the potential for future development in said arcs, and used as one of the three Shiketsu representatives in each of their single panel post babysitting arc appearances bar one that was license training specific?

Legit cannot understand this nitpick each time I've seen it; it would be stranger and far worse writing/make no sense if Horikoshi left him and his broken quirk out in a doomsday scenario.

Seiji's flaw is ego/extremism, not combat ability.

(re: my post on Chapter 381.)

…Yes? Yes, I do? No offense, anon, but you’re doing that thing I sometimes get people doing in response to my meta, where I’m talking about the series on one level and they come at me with a bunch of objections that are engaging with the story on another level entirely.

Specifically, nearly everything in your ask is a Doylist explanation for Shishikura’s return. That’s a perfectly valid approach if you’re looking to explain the author’s decision-making process, and, indeed, I’m sure you’re correct on every point—from a Doylist perspective. The questions I raised about Shishikura’s presence, however, were Watsonian in nature: what’s the in-universe explanation for this and is there any chance that, whatever that explanation is, it’s not incredibly sketchy?

Hit the jump for more analysis, and please keep in mind that this is coming from the perspective of someone whose favorite non-UA student is, in fact, Shishikura Seiji and who has been wanting to see how he's handling his father's murder for over two years.

Anon, you said Seiji's flaw is ego/extremism as if it’s not a real flaw, as if it doesn’t matter, as if it’s not a damn good reason for the in-universe regulatory bureau to have withheld his license. But ego/extremism is a reason to withhold his license—his snide little gatekeeping routine cost him the very first round of the exam!

During the exam, Seiji wasn’t focused on getting himself through; he wasn’t focused on getting his classmates through—his entire stated rationale was to hinder other people. Not in the spirit of competition, nor a desire to secure his own place, but simply because he was looking down on all of his fellow students. It’s a terrible attitude for a hero to have[1] and, given that the police had specifically asked the HPSC to prioritize teamwork in that exam, he rightly flunked it.

Would he have been able to pass solely on the basis of his combat chops? Judging by the number of meatballs around him when Kirishima, Bakugou and Kaminari faced him, yes, absolutely! He would have coasted through in no time if he'd actually been focused on doing so. But instead, he decided that he had ascertained the goal of the examiners (he hadn’t) and took it upon himself to act towards that goal. As his own teacher later said, Seiji had been influenced by Stain, coming to let contempt drive him, and that sense of contempt led directly to his defeat—the only Shiketsu student to fail the first round!

Those failings of ego are not minor. On top of everything else, Seiji's ego made him incredibly easy to provoke, and his contempt for Kaminari meant that he failed to catch onto Kaminari’s ruse. On a field with All For One—the man who personally murdered Seiji's father and who excels at mind games—Seiji's being quick to anger and prone to underestimating his opponents are not funny character beats; they are potentially lethal flaws.

Back when Aizawa was first explaining the exam process, he said, “Hero licenses are inextricably tied to the saving of lives, so one must be properly qualified for such a heavy responsibility. Naturally, the test is incredibly difficult.” Under normal circumstances, Seiji would never have been given his provisional license because he would be a danger to himself and others. Yet in 381, there he is—why? Who decided that Seiji’s combat potential was enough to make up for his personality flaws?

Well, we know the answer to that: the HPSC.[2] Over the course of the story, multiple characters either allude to or comment outright on the HPSC’s desperate attempts to increase the number of heroes at their disposal:

Aizawa, in the initial explanation of opening up work studies to first years.

The UA staff, in discussing the reasoning behind restarting work studies after they were initially called off.

Endeavor, in reflecting on the HPSC using the trainees as backup to bolster their numbers.

Midnight, in apologizing to Kaminari that his presence on the front line is needed.

Dabi, in scornfully commenting on the students’ presence at the villa raid.

Whatever other cases might be escaping me at the moment.

Lacking any other explanation, I have to view Seiji getting approved for being at this action as just more of the same. And, as has been made repeatedly clear, “more of the same” is not going to actually resolve the problems facing Hero Society. Doubling down, bringing on board more and more people who are categorically unfit in their present state, is only going to get more people hurt as the usual tactics continue to fail. And the people most at risk, in any halfway realistic story, would be the ones who are least qualified to be here in the first place.

So, yes, anon, I would like a kosher explanation for Seiji’s presence here. Because all the unkosher explanations point to a society that’s just continuing to make the same mistakes. I like Seiji! I like all the students that Horikoshi has managed to scrape together some actual, impactful flaws for! I’m happy to see Seiji here! But that’s not the same thing as agreeing that he has any business being here, if the authorities in his world had the slightest degree of respect for his life and future potential.

P.S. Even setting aside the authorities, why in god's name did Seiji's classmates let him come to the fight with the man who murdered his father? Did Inasa and company think he had the right to that confrontation? I can see stories that would work in, but BNHA, with its comparatively grounded, real world-ish setting with laws and licenses and so much paperwork, is definitely not one of them. For evidence, compare the idea of Seiji's classmates not trying to get him to stay well clear of this fight with Narrator Deku's profound regret about not being able to prevent Iida from confronting Stain.

Seiji's keeping an admirably level head so far, and honestly, with the current pacing and the way the most recent chapter ended, I'm not actually expecting that to change. Though, if Seiji does manage to keep his temper all through this, Deku should ask for some pointers. Would have been nice if the reader had gotten to see any of that emotional maturation, huh?)

----

1: Though obviously not an insurmountable one, cit. Number 2 Hero Endeavor.

2: I considered that maybe Seiji's classmates just didn't complain about him along even without a license, but then I remembered that he's in that big spread in Chapter 246 with a figure I recall we've seen elsewhere doing Pro Hero work, though judging by the hat, he's probably a Shiketsu alum. I suppose it's possible that he's a teacher, but if it was a class thing, you'd think we'd see Nagamasa Mora, the hairy class rep guy, there too.

#bnha #bnha 381 #shishikura seiji #shiketsu fen #stillness answers #chapter post will be up hopefully in the next 24 hours #jumping around a bit on ask replies now bear with me everyone

8 notes · View notes

kah-ocs · 2 years

Text

Approval(2/2)

“Hey kiddo"

“Eek!”

You don't need to worry, I won't bite". Miller chuckled, sitting across the table so she would be facing him.

“S-Sorry I guess I am a bit skittish". Safir shuffles awkwardly. “H-Huh… Where's Saram…srein?”

“Told him to stay in the kitchen so we could talk alone" Miller replies. “So feel free to talk about anything that comes to your mind"

“I… Uhhhh…” Safir splutters, less than eloquent.

This wasn't a great start.

“It must be hard to think of anything to say under these circumstances right?” Miller smiles. “Then let me start by asking you the reason to why you accepted this job. After all, knowing Saram, he must have been very vague and sketchy about it"

“I… Had barely money left if any, my circumstances were so dire that I thought I would have nothing to lose”

He knew that didn't paint a pretty look at his situation but he had an inkling that the woman in front of him would be able to tell if he was lying so he saw no point in being anything but as honest and sincere as possible here.

“But I genuinely like this job now! I really like being here” he hastily adds.

“Life must have been very unfair to you until now." Miller's expression softens. “ Were you treated unkindly in the past?”

Safir meekly nods.

“I won't lie to you. Your situation worries me.” Miller rest her face on her hands. “Saram lacks the ability to influence you like other supernatural creatures and yet you still seem to be unable to assert yourself and he isn't the best person suited to help you with this process.”

“…”

He had nothing he could say to that.

“Saram holds the responsibility to look after you here but if I had to guess you didn't voice anything either right?” Safir flinches at her accurate observation. “Why is that?”

"…I thought he might get disappointed with me". Safir shrinks, almost curling on himself. "It was the first time someone thought I was worth something and I didn't want to disappoint.”

He hangs his head in shame.

“It… Might be irrational but I was deeply afraid of being hated.”

“You weren't being irrational" Miller says, making Safir snap his head up in surprise. “That's what experience taught you. If someone wants to hurt you it's only fair that you would treat them with wariness"

“…But Saram never did something like that"

“But he probably did something similar enough for you to reach such a conclusion right?”

Safir thinks back to all the moments he was set up to fail, placed under unreasonable circumstances so he would slip up eventually. How he was berated and it made him feel terribly worthless for it.

His heart squeezes in guilt.

“…Things like that make too much sense so it can be hard to believe otherwise.” She speaks kindly. “I once did something similar and even WORSE might I add.”

“You…Did?” Safir shyly asks.

“People looked down on me for many reasons. Some petty and others completely understandable." Her smile was sad. “ In fact, so understandable that I thought it couldn't be helped and nothing would be able to change that and yet…”

“…Yet?”

“Somehow, for some reason there were people that saw something good in me" She pauses, reminiscing. “They saw something good in me but the same couldn't be said from my part. More than them, more than anyone, I was the one to believe the most in being hurt and hated.”

“…”

“Even if they didn't want anything to do with such a role I kept pushing them to it. It was like I was forcing them to be something they didn't want to be"

She clenches her hands together, nails digging on her skin.

“Do you see what I'm trying to get at?” Miller asks, looking at Safir straight into his eyes. “I don't wish for either you nor Saram to go through what happened to me.”

“Can I… Ask what happened?”

“I destroyed them and ruined our relationship" Her voice was filled with regret. “And by pure miracle I didn't do the same mistake twice"

“What changed the second time?”

“That despite everything they still sought to stand by me.” At that her expression changed to something warmer. “That was the moment when the reason to why I should be hated stopped mattering and I realized for the first time that they were just a good soul. I finally gave them a chance to show what kind of person they really were and honestly? That fit them so much better"

It sounds nice.

The way she spoke so fondly of this person made Safir wonder about it. About how it would feel to have something so precious and treasured like that.

“Your name is Safir right?”

“Y-Yes"

“People usually feel frustrated at Saram because of his ‘limitations' and concludes that he can't be reasoned with so it really hurts him and makes him feel lonely." her eyes glints. “…But he told me that when you felt genuinely appreciative of his efforts, as clumsy as they were, he thought for the first time that he had the ability to ‘understand’ things.”

He flushes at that.

He didn't think there would be ever a day that he would mean so much to anyone or that he had something he could offer to someone.

It was a comforting thought.

“If you are willing to keep that in mind I wouldn't be against you staying here"

“Does that mean…?” His eyes widens, expectant.

“Yes. As long as you keep that in mind and a few other things". Miller nods, and Safir leans closer to make clear he was listening. “What we do here is saving lives so don't hesitate to ask for our help if you have any doubts"

Her face turn serious.

“So, if it's to save a life it wouldn't matter to me how many times and how many questions you have, I will gladly answer them.”

Safir nods, a bit more resolute to Miller’s satisfaction.

“And… This is a safe place, other supernatural beings wouldn't mess with you in Saram's territory" She pats his head. “ So use this opportunity to figure more about yourself. What makes you mad, sad, what you like, dislike and above all, what makes you happy alright?”

"I will"

"That sounds better". She smirks. "Just to be safe I will check on you two time from time ok?"

"Ok!"

"Glad you seem more enthusiastic about my presence". Miller joked. " Saram! I'm going home!"

"Now I understand why you hold her opinions in such high regards". Safir speaks softly.

"I'm glad you two got along well!" Saram looked ecstactic, enthusiasm bubbling from his voice.

"That said..." Safir hesitated for a moment, before concluding he would rather clear that question away. " Would you mind if I ask what would be the reason to why you would have agreed if she said 'no'?"

"Because that would mean that I couldn't be counted on to not be a threat to your safety"

"...Don't worry I won't allow that to happen"

"Huh??"

#my useless invincible boss #saramsrein(useless boss)#Safir(useless boss)#crowa miller(useless boss)

2 notes · View notes

kendrixtermina · 2 years

Text

Characteristic Forms of intuition in the Types

Welcome to Today’s episode of ‚I read & extract useful stuff from enneagram literature so you don‘t have to’.

I’m rather grateful that Ms. Palmer seems to have been personally interested enough in this topic to go about compiling informations about it, it was a highly fascinating.

It’s also worth noting that you may also exhibit the form associated with your dominant wings or your lines of connection, though this will be more situational/ less frequent – & that all of this generally becomes more useful with training & a higher level of self-awareness that allows you to distinguish true intuititive perceptions from projections and the like.

Generally the origin of this tends to be that one gets good at guessing that which one has constantly been trying to look at or anticipate since they were a toddler.

1 – a vision or image of how their surroundings could or should be (often starting from concrete spatial environments) – often experienced like a glittering static image from which the mistakes and errors stand out in the foreground. When everything is as it should be, this can be felt as a physical sense of alignment, a relaxing and unclenching, and the receding of critical self-talk

2 – can intuit other ppl’s feelings, wants or needs pretty well, and how to meet those or present oneself so as to get favorable responses. (This wasn’t in Palmer’s source, but its relevant to note how Cordon worked out that they do this by sorta unconsciously copying your body language and tone to run a ‚simulation‘ of what your inner state must be like)

3 – almost immediate sense of how they’re coming across to others and of what qualities are required either for the current task or to get the desired reactions out of others – in practice this is accomplished by paying close attention to ppl’s reactions, but can be as effortless as looking by the time someone’s an adult.

4 – a kind of ‚emotional resonance‘ – whereas 2 or 9 have broad, ‚permeable‘ sort of empathy, this is rather like a selective and laser-focussed form of it. Resonating with the feelings of an absent person, taking on the pain & negativity present in the environment, embodying whatever point of view seems absent or neglected

5 – There are two qualities of note – first, a knack for envisioning situations from a neutral, impartial perspective, putting even one’s own thoughts or feelings aside to just take it in unbiased.

The second is that if you near-constant string of active thought related to your current interest/obsession going, you might have spontaneous insights about it throughout the day.

One can even invoke this deliberately, by, say, talking a brief walk when you’re stuck on a problem.

6 – sometimes very astute at picking up the hidden agendas, intentions and unspoken feelings of others, or guessing at how future developments will turn out. Though compared to 9 or 3, it comes more from a place of theorizing.

7 – ‚kaleidoscopic‘ vision that allows them to spot connections between different topics/areas. Also likely to have an Eureka Moment about project A while working on project B.

(actually, it’s been proven that anyone can make better decisions after briefly being distracted by a different task, probably because the first task it gets processed in the subconscious in the meantime – but 7s can apparently have this faculty especially honed.)

8 – something similar to haptic projection (to see a tool or vehicle as an extension of your hands or include it in your mental map) – a tendency to see one’s entire sphere of influence as an extension of oneself that is purposefully moved and steered, sometimes described as ‚filling all available space‘.

This includes the people in it and can go from a simple lizard brain territorial ‚messing with my minions is messing with me‘ attitude to actually regarding your loved ones as part of you – which might explain why they can be so selective about who gets in & why betrayal is especially traumatic.

There can also be a degree of kinesthetic intuition regarding sensing the qualities and sense of presence of other people – their wills, their potential as opponents.

9 – take in a lot of impressions of their spatial environment and the people in it, in a way not too different from how dancers or martial artists train orienting themselves. ‚synching up‘ with others is also accomplished through those physical impressions.

My brother’s a 9 and I can think of a few times where he somehow knew just what to say to defuse/disarm me in an argument, it was very impressive.

#enneagram #typology

2 notes · View notes

tohellandback99 · 3 months

Text

*clears throat* 😮‍💨

After sharing previous posts here alluding to it but not going into, the real details that I was hiding. When I said about my first post of my child alter’s art that she is, “comforted by Raul’s presence on the tv.” And, “there are other things that I relate with W&W but I’m not ready.” Or whatever I said in that post I can’t remember exactly. And now recently, with my recent posts here I feel it is important to explain, just a little bit more about this. *sigh* are you ready?

So as people already know or can tell, I have been clinically diagnosed and am getting help for Dissociative Identity Disorder mainly. I have been diagnosed with other things, I also have OCD. potentially have another serious mental thing going on that I’m currently in need and in the process of finding a specialist who can look at me for. But with that; To be brief for those who may not understand, about how DID works. Essentially I experienced a series of very scary and potentially life-threatening traumatic events when I was four, that caused my sense of self to separate and develop separately without any awareness of it or what had caused most of it, and there were varying other factors in my life as well.

what’s soon to be a year ago from now, (it’ll be in the middle of February,) I had what was first pain in my upper back from pulling it or something, to my hip acting up the second week. Lastly the third week, I was in immense excruciating pain in my abdominal area and thought I was going to die. It was at night where it was the worst, and I was basically bed ridden. At that time was when my hyperfixation on Wendell and Wild was very intense. Right after I posted my very first piece of fanart for Wendell and Wild on here

Well, Raul peeled off of me. I prefer to say “peel off” as opposed to “split” because in my experience with having DID… no matter how much pain I am in or how scary the situation is, the person leaving with, inside of this body (in this case it’s a regressed state of my mind, transformed into a mental incarnation of our boy, stuck in my psyche forever now. Oops. 😰) it is very gentle in and of itself, to the point where I don’t even recognize it happening.

This time, and it was the first time, I actually had been aware and was FEELING him peeling off. Those, almost within the entire three weeks it was starting. I was in denial because of stuff I’ve heard and read online concerning alters splitting as an adult. That it was far less likely which is subjective but also true, and I’ve never seen or heard that a part of someone either that was already regressed, or could still regress (I can’t tell you which way he peeled off exactly,) develop as an individual self and peel off still. Also, I didn’t think I could develop another introject this soon after the movie, show, game, etc. comes out. Which is stupid because you really don’t need much to begin with in terms of influence when you have need to split. Also this movie is quite obscure to the general population and my brain involuntarily picked Raul for a reason, but still. *sigh* I KNOW how ridiculous this sounds. I do. But I know what I’m talking about

I am pleased to say that I had saw him in my brain and was flailing my arms around making gestures at him in a desperate attempt at getting him to stop for a minute. He was trying to get in the water (basically trying to take over the body,) to PLEASE STAY. I said, “you can have all the time that you want if I survive.” 😂

But really! Because I didn’t want what was causing Raul to split to affect him. Like it would have ten years ago, and especially 20 years ago without my awareness and memory of it. My brain is ruthless. Ultimately it did end up working. And I woke up three days later on my bed, i look back in the “under water” in my brain and he was floating and peacefully asleep. I wasn’t sure I was even alive until then. Later he said he didn’t feel anything which was a relief on top of the fact that when I woke up it wasn’t in a hospital bed. When I find out that I had a blackout it is terrifying because I don’t know until after, what an alter was intending to do. If it’s like this, they can get hurt for not understanding what’s going on (and other people noticing you’re acting weird,) or doesn’t understand where he is and getting understandably upset but on top of that. I also didn’t want his first memories to be in a very stark and cold environment. Being asked by doctors what’s happened, and risk the potential of him having to find out why, and how he formed and peeled off the way that he did without having the chance to simply be. And he does know. It’s one of the things that I really don’t like about my disorder, it was quite upsetting for him at first. And because one of my child alters latched onto him, they together had to go through having him re-remember some of the things that were, horrible. He handled it relatively well. He did.

It took three months f- no, a month before he met them, and then three months after. (I’m going by what he eventually explained to me,) And then in therapy I found out she had adopted him, as her big bro.

There are reasons for which Raul in particular was peeled off and was added to my system. And why all this happened the way that it did. Part of it has to do with the fact that I was still at the peak of my transition at the time, (edit: and in my past, being “the art kid” (even though I forgot that I enjoyed art and didn’t know why people kept making that assumption,) having a single mom at his age. Being drawn to the goths/punks although I was also the punk, and being ostracized. Especially by a kid who was almost nearly the same as Siobhan was in the movie. In every way. I can’t even…. Is similar to my experiences when I was a kid but my brain doesn’t like to make the connection to myself. But with me also finding out without any clue previously and accepting that I am more of a man than I thought I was; I think it’s partially my brain also acknowledging that that was something that was a part of my life that I erased previously from my own identity. Out of blind ignorance but also. To keep keeping myselves safe from… certain people in my childhood. Don’t want to get into it, and you can probably understand what I am talking about.) but ultimately, I simply wanted to not be by myself for what I thought could have been my last moments. And my brain takes that dire need and runs away with it literally. That When the body had been perceived as “dead” by my brain, he took over the body the morning after when I couldn’t hold on anymore and had to go to “sleep,” but I wound up switching instead and didn’t know until I “woke up” three days later. That’s what’s up for people who think this is ridiculous, which it is, lol. absolutely. but it’s the truth. Lastly, more as to why he peeled off. Basically the same thing had happened a couple times before in the same way which adds to my likelihood of having a teenage male alter, peeling off and/or guarding the body for a significant amount of time. I know very specific, very awkward. but it’s true

*sigh* it doesn’t influence him as much as some of the others, but there’s influences (yes, influences him unfortunately and also in a slightly different way. also, “doesn’t influence him as much” is currently up for debate right now. I can’t get into it and don’t wish to. But I’m keeping an eye on his and some of the other’s behavior as we explore certain aspects of the previous trauma, in therapy. And taking as best care as I can of him, promise. Absolutely)

…is less obvious and is a completely unconscious response to the trauma. That’s very personal (our personal business,) and in order to help you understand I’d (also) have to get into specific details, which I don’t want to do here because I don’t want to upset anyone and I’m not trying to trauma dump or make this anyone’s point of concern. Ultimately I’m, I much prefer having this be explained a little bit better, instead of just having what I previously posted under these tags at THIS point, now that HE found and started posting under his own tag 😂 which is actually nice because I wouldn’t know how he feels if he didn’t write anything. I am responsible for this still. So I understand and I’m sorry if people find what I have written annoying, confusing, offensive or awkward, cringy and unsettling.

Sooo… 😐 yeah, that’s what happened. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before, to those who might have been confused. I just didn’t know how else to express this and have it also make sense. Yeah

Something to get Lady Arachne off of the top of your tag sooner perhaps:

Yes, that. That would be perfectly perfect

🤦 at myself

#raul cocolotl #wendell and wild #w&w #traumagenic system #diagnosed did #complex trauma #introjects #and altered dissociative states

1 note · View note

dark-magical-ships · 11 months

Text

Exodia, Obliterate the Fourth Wall!

Chapter Eighteen

November 19, 2009

Oooooooooooooof woooow. Wowowowowow. I had forgotten how incredibly nerve-wracking it is to go do things with a bunch of random other kids I don’t know well. When I got home after the movie like… ten minutes ago, I guess, I just stared at the wall for a little bit coming down off the adrenaline. Phew.

Okay. So first of all, this entry is really fucking early in the morning; it’s like… 3:30am? And I should be asleep, so I don’t have a lot of time to write, but…. I dunno, I really need to process what all just happened. My brain is running like a hamster on a wheel and I doubt I could sleep anyway; maybe I’ll just skip school today for lack of sleep? Anyway.

There were TEN of us at the movie tonight, which really caught me off guard because I’d… really only expected the usual yugioh crowd, y’know? What’s worse, the only person I knew there AT ALL was just Daniel. Where the hell were Baron and Tara and everyone??? I almost panicked when I realized I had turned up at the theater and there were eight total strangers I’d never even met before there; it was… tough. Ugh.

I asked Daniel about this and he was at least reasonably apologetic… I hope it wasn’t too obvious how nervous I was, but honestly… I think it was probably written all over my face. Anyway, he explained that it was the drum line that had planned the outing, which I guess makes sense. I have no idea who all is on the drum line, but I know it’s something like the top ten or twelve percussionists? I dunno, the band confuses me. I do not belong in this crowd.

Anyway. Since I didn’t know anyone else, I spent most the night basically glued to Daniel’s side, which was… embarrassing. I am so, so glad this guy is really nice and good at smoothing over awkward moments. Somehow, he managed to keep me from feeling like too much of an outsider and yet also kept most of the attention off of me?? I dunno how he did it, but I’m grateful. He actually bought me popcorn and a drink, too, which caught me off guard—I’ve literally never had concessions at the movies before, unless you count whatever mom managed to smuggle in in her jacket pockets. When he saw me standing out of the line and I told him I didn’t have any cash, he just… went and added stuff for me to his order. And like…. Thank you??? That’s just like… the sweetest thing a near stranger has ever done for me. Jesus.

Buuuut yeah so the movie was pretty good, although I was disappointed that it ended before the Gringotts raid. I really hoped to see the dragon, but ah well. Supposedly part two comes out in July, so I guess it’ll be dragon time in the summer. Daniel and I already sort of have plans to go see it together, which… sounds fun? I mean as stressful as this whole thing was… I had a lot of fun tonight. I’m glad I went! It’s been ages since I did anything like this, least of all with other kids my age, and…. I dunno, it feels like this is exactly what I’ve been needing, y’know?

I know what you must be thinking, though, diary: there’s no way Seto approved of this whole diversion! And you are absolutely correct. I put off an assignment to make it to this movie—just a thing on fiber analysis for Forensics, not even a class he friggin’ cares about!—one that’s not even due until tomorrow and is really, really easy. Even so, he was all disapproving and telling me how I was wasting time on bullshit again basically from the moment I explained why I was stopping early all the way until I got out of the car at the theater. Infuriating. I swear, it’s like he just hates fun altogether, unless the “fun” thing happens to be playing yugioh…. Which, okay, fine, that does track. Didn’t he and Jounouchi even have an argument about that once? Like Kaiba in the show said something about not having fun dueling and Jounouchi wondering why the hell else he plays at all.

I dunno, it’s just…. In the time since we met, Seto has been… I guess you could say a "good" influence? I mean he’s definitely forced me onto an academic path that no doubt will lead to a brighter future than whatever I was gonna end up with by winging it, assuming I manage to pull off his grand plan. But’s he’s also been a massive downer and killjoy. I spend so much time working on school crap, I have almost no time for the stuff I actually like doing. I play yugioh for maybe an hour or two at most on an average day—half of that at lunch, the rest against him. Aside from that?

I never get to play video games anymore—I can’t even remember the last time I turned on the xbox or logged into Steam.

I haven’t had time to read a single book that isn’t related to my classes.

My blog on tumblr is 90% queued reblogs, no additions, just random crap I find scrolling in the short breaks during homework sessions.

I haven’t written anything besides essays and this diary since I met him.

I can’t do FFA anymore.

Sure, my classes are interesting, they’re challenging and there’s a certain satisfaction in performing well in classes like these, but…. Like, there’s not much fun left in my life, you know? That sucks. And it’s Seto. Kaiba’s. Fault.

…I dunno, I guess maybe that’s unfair. He didn’t ask for this any more than I did, and he’s just trying to find a solution that will work for both of us—or, I guess, everyone, since Tara and Jounouchi are involved. I just… don’t get it. Why did the universe decide to leave me with such a colossal stick-in-the-mud for a soulmate? Why wasn’t I given someone fun-loving and outgoing, like Daniel? Seems to me like between the hope for a better academic trajectory and career in the sciences, or building my social skills and learning to really enjoy life and social things with the help of a nice guy like Daniel, it’s the latter that I really need. I was always hiding out alone indoors before I met Seto, and that’s only become more of a thing since he got me on this... "overachiever" path. If soulmates are supposed to help each other grow or whatever, shouldn’t I have gotten someone who would get me out of the house and really living more?

I dunno, it’s just…. Frustrating. I almost like Seto sometimes, and once in a while I start to think maybe he might not entirely despise me, but we’re the weirdest friggin’ match I think the universe ever could have dreamed up even before the trans-dimensional… stuff. It’s been months and we’re still like oil and water. You know how Tara and Jounouchi are doing? She lost her cat—the family pet of like twelve years or something—last weekend, and she told me that he stayed up with her all night and did the best he could to comfort her even though they’re literally worlds apart. She was so frustrated when I asked her to ask Jounouchi to stop pestering Seto about a bridge that we have no intention of attempting to build that she called me a bitch and wouldn’t even look at me for the rest of the day. I literally only know that she must have done as I asked because Seto told me Jounouchi has been laying off, at least for now…. I still feel awful, and I honestly kind of worry about the yugioh meetups. Should I even show my face there again, like, ever???

I just. Tara and Jounouchi seem to be doing really fucking well, now that they’ve cleared up their confusion. Mom and dad aren’t the happiest people in the world, but they get by, and almost never fight. I… don’t really know anyone else with a soulmate personally enough to have much insight into their relationships, but books and movies and television shows never really show relationships as… difficult as Seto’s and mine, either.

I mean, it’s true that arguing with Kaiba is… actually sort of okay? Like it just… doesn’t feel like a danger zone like it does with basically anyone else. That… doesn’t sound like it should be safe, I dunno. But like… he listens, right? Like when I tell him something, he doesn’t dismiss it out of hand or try to debunk it when we both know I’m the better-informed between us. He actually will concede a point if he doesn’t have a solid rebuttal. And yeah, he disapproved of me going to see this movie, but when I actually got there and told him I was gonna see it whether he kept badgering me or not, he just sighed and fucked off to let me make my bad decision in peace. I tried checking in with him when I got home, expecting the lecture to resume, but he was actually asleep, which means like… he honestly did just. Drop the argument. I’ve never known anyone else who would do that. Like… if it were my brother, he would have never dropped it and would have just kept badgering me straight through the movie, right? And dad, he might have said he’d drop it, but then he’d have called me six times during the movie and twice on the 20-minute drive home, and then I’d have been in for a three-hour lecture when I finally got back, and to top it off he’d have blamed me for him “having” to call out of work because he “had” to stay up all night to yell at me “because of me.” And he would have made me go to school on no sleep.

Seto…. Like, he’s not going to be pleased when he checks in on me in a few hours and finds me still asleep because I’m skipping school today, right? But… somehow, I don’t think he’s going to start in on me to rehash the same argument all over again for it. If I’ve actually learned anything about this guy, he’ll probably just sigh and say something about how if I’ve decided to take a day off then at least I can be productive with it. Then he’ll probably vanish off to do whatever CEOs do all day and come by late tonight like any other school night.

Ugh. I dunno, I’m tired and I think maybe I’m just ranting about nothing at this point. Bedtime for me; alarm’s set for noon, so this time I won’t oversleep and have to cram everything into a few hours like I did a couple weeks ago.

#exodia obliterate the 4th wall!#amy writes #chapter 18 #cw harry potter #i know i have the movie coming out in the wrong year but at this point i'm committed and stuck with it #and also i don't care. that franchise is dead to me #alas this chapter is set in 2009 when it was one of my favorite things ever

0 notes

w-ht-w · 1 year

Text

computer science , machine learning , artificial intelligence research

Interviews by Valerie Chen (machine learning researcher at Carnegie Mellon University)

Motivated by the applications and impact of technology, as well as the difficult questions surrounding building intelligent systems, Chen has conducted research on these fronts,

an internship at the Naval Research Laboratory in DC first truly ignited her passion for computer science. “The experience changed my perspective on technology—the work I did made me realize the real-world applications and effects that technology can have on the broader scale,”

The Naval Research Laboratory internship ignited Chen’s passion for research, but she had also explored software engineering briefly. While she found it interesting to work at a large tech company, she “feels like there is a lesser focus on creativity and more focus on the ability to get the program to run in the long term.” Chen prefers being able to think outside of the box without being limited by the market value of her work. She adds that computer science research is unique in its incorporation of math, psychology, social interaction, and many other disciplines. But most important for Chen is how tangible computer science is. “If you want people to test something you designed, that can easily happen and implementation is generally fast,”

Despite involvement in a multitude of research projects, it was only recently that Chen started feeling comfortable going through the process of creating a hypothesis and conducting her own research. “Starting out in any research field, there is a steep learning curve. You need to not only understand what current methods and ideas are, but also what researchers have already come up with in the past,”

Chen dove into the one area she finds most interesting: the intersection of machine learning, robotics, and psychology. “I find it interesting that even psychologists don’t know exactly how the human brain works—this leaves computer scientists to think about approaching psychology from a computational sense,” Chen said. Chen is one of the many individuals working towards answering that question, but, in Chen’s own words, “research is incremental.” She finds immense value in working on small projects that build upon the work of others to reach that goal. In terms of advice for aspiring researchers, Chen emphasizes passion. “Research is full of failed experiments and difficult implementations—it is important to find that drive and passion to push you past a rough patch.”

Having been at a place like Yale, which is really interdisciplinary and great for seeing diverse perspectives, it felt like grad school was the time to focus on computer science and dive deep into the research aspect of that.

the influence of artificial intelligence and machine learning and their larger implications.

Currently, artificial intelligence and machine learning are buzz words that are widely used in industry - Facebook and Google use them in a number of products. But they’re also being used in systems that can determine how your life goes, for instance, who can get loans, or what type of people can get bail, or it can determine criminal sentencing. And those are things where it’s not just deciding what shows up on your newsfeed on Facebook, but real concrete decisions that could influence how your life will go for the next five or 10 years. So the question is how can you explain how decisions are being made by machine learning models in a more formal, less ad-hoc manner? It is an interesting research question on the technical end that also has greater implications to society.

I came to Yale as a computer science major, so in a sense that hasn’t changed, but I think I wasn't sure of what I wanted to do at first. I wasn't even sure I wanted to do research and get a Ph.D. so I spent one summer doing software engineering - the pay is great, as many people know, but I’m not as much of a product-driven person. I’m more of an ideas-driven person, so I found research is a better fit for me.

Do you have any advice for incoming students?

I think Yale can be overwhelming in the sense that there are so many options out there - you can double major, and some people might triple major! So I think there’s a lot of opportunity to explore, but I also encourage people to, once you know what you want to do, to really dive deep into that because there are a lot of resources at Yale that maybe other schools don’t have, and make the most of that while you’re here. And for people who are interested in research, get started on that early because there’s definitely a learning curve and you’re probably not sure that the first research area you get into is exactly the one you want to go in the future - so getting started early gives you a lot more time to explore. (1)

1. https://seas.yale.edu/news-events/news/2020-grad-spotlight-valerie-chen

2. https://www.yalescientific.org/2019/11/undergraduate-profile-valerie-chen-my-20/

0 notes

youshi56 · 1 year

Text

Dear Survivor:

In searching to understand choices and decisions I made that ended up detrimental to me and my children I came across the scripture 1 Corinthians 4:4 which began the process of me understanding the role my subconscious thought and things I experienced in my life played in decisions, choices I had made through out my life. I recently came across this book that maybe helpful to those who have found themselves also asking why they do the things they do and or the underlying causes behind it. “Taking your life back.”

The goal in taking our lives back is to realign with our true self so we can develop healthy, loving, and open relationships in which we feel accepted and affirmed for who we are rather than for what we do. Where we or a person will finally find the peace and serenity we (they) long to experience and have been searching for when we develop relationships in which we truly care, love, and forgive ourselves and embrace ourselves mistakes and all, apart from others judgement.

I wanted to post pictures of some of the books that have assisted me in my healing journey to wholeness. Although, I post regarding books that have assisted and or helped me in recognizing the material as beneficial to those seeking and whom circumstances and or situations have caused them to believe lies about themselves, others and or God.

I came to personally understand the cause of pain and suffering I experienced as well as the pain and suffering my children experienced. I can trace it back to human folly, ignorance, sin and or evil and recognize it as mine or others.

“Human folly” (a lack of understanding, sense,or rational conduct;

foolishness,any foolish action or belief) “Ignorance” (lack of knowledge, education,or awareness) “Sin” (an offense against religious or moral law; an action that is or

is felt to be highly reprehensible; an often serious shortcoming, fault) “Evil”

(the condition of being immoral, cruel, or bad, or an act of this type)

Although, at one time I didn't fully understand the impact others human folly, ignorance, sin or evil had on me (personally) in understanding how I coped I began to deal with how it impacted me how I felt about myself, others and or God and how that influenced choices and decisions I made.

And I always thought because I didn’t go out drinking etc. and was more interested in being a mom and taking care of my children I truly thought when they were grown I would have their respect and love. I thought in each recognizing all I had done in taking care of them as a single mom both would hold me in higher regard than perhaps they do. Over the years I began to see how things affected them and all my attempts to help them both understand wasn’t understood. Realizing I was not to blame for all the pain and confusion I still carried it for a long time.

I have over the years come to understand the enemy uses individuals unhealed hurts to continue to create discord and division.

Although I can seek regarding myself I often come across material helpful for others either in regards to themselves or others that is the material I still give to those in positions who counsel individuals and first responders.

I love my girls and often it has broken my heart the discord and division the enemy has perpetrated in lives of families realizing he can only succeed when individuals because of unhealed pain and hurt allow the enemy to convince them of lies about themselves, others and or God.

I have watched as the enemy enjoyed destroying families powerless to change it continuing to pray that one day those who fall prey to his tactics will take back their lives.

I realize some don’t necessarily understand my relationship with God and to be honest He chose ordinary individuals not perfect to reach out to individuals such as:

He reached out in His understanding and love for individuals who at times didn’t understand Him, His love and hope for them. He reach out to those who like me were often discarded, tossed aside, judged and who the world or people gave up on. He reached out to those who gave up on themselves and believed the lies of the world due to circumstances and situations they went through or faced began to believe about themselves, others and or God.

God looks upon the heart He sees beyond the reactions understanding the reason why people do what they do and why. God is the first person who through out scripture demonstrated “Non-judgement style thinking “where he understands what is going on on in the inside and the many ways people cope with their pain etc.” and His ability to heal and transform lives with the correct understanding of ourselves, others and Him offering guidance and answers to all who seek. He offers answers not just in regards to Himself but offers answer in regards to anything a person is seeking about. In scripture He says “seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness (His right way of thinking) and all these things will be added unto you.” He doesn’t say His help is limited to worshipping Him or even following Him but for all who seek for answers regarding their lives. When we recognize the avenues He uses to speak to us personally we begin to grasp those things we never understood or accepted before. Our spiritual eyes, ears become open and once crippled begin to walk no longer lame.

God whispers into our heart, mind, body and soul understanding needed until like Helen Keller we begin to grasp His ability for us personally. I say begin as it is a process in relationship: God has put knowledge about Himself inside each one of us, but sometimes we can see Him best in others.

To say that we " we came to believe" in anything describes a process. Belief is the result of consideration, doubt, reasoning and concluding. Forming beliefs shows marks of God's image in our lives. It involves emotion and our mind. It leads to actions that transform.

We start with our own experience. We see what doesn't work and recognizing there isn't enough power in ourselves to restore us to the places of rest and peace we long for. " When we're quiet enough to listen, we hear that still small voice inside us saying and confirming God is real and there is a God and He's extremely powerful in love. We know the truth about God because He has made it obvious to them. (Romans 1:19).

After looking at our internal weaknesses, then we need to look outside ourselves. We need to see that there are others who have struggled with the same things and recovered. We can see that they, too, we're unable to heal themselves, yet they are able to live free.

I realize some people don’t necessarily understand my relationship with God or people who talk about having a relationship with God or about God but to be honest He chose ordinary individuals not perfect to reach out to individuals such as:

Noah – He drank too much, but, God used him to build the ark to save the world. (Genesis 6-9)

Abraham and Sarah – They were an old, washed-up couple who God used to build a nation. (Genesis 11-25)

Joseph – He was an entitled teen who went through God’s classroom, training him to save both Egypt and Israel. (Genesis 37-50)

Moses – He was a stutterer who was God’s spokesman and leader. (Exodus 3-4)

Rahab – She was a prostitute who God used to help his spies and overtake Jericho. (Joshua 2)

Jonah – He was the escapist who God brought back to save Nineveh. (Jonah 1-3)

Esther – She was the adopted orphan who became Queen to save Israel. (Esther 1-8)

Peter – He was the quitter who God brought back to start the Kingdom. (Matthew 26, John 21, Acts 1-2)

Paul – He was the enemy who became the most prolific Christian in the New Testament. (Acts 7-9)

I recently came across this song that is shared below is a song I lift in prayer regarding those who through circumstances and situations don’t know the love God has for them etc.

With God’s love and grace,

Linda

https://youtu.be/YqHjjZz1Syg

0 notes