#but that character architype is out so i’ve been treated less that way now
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ytrytr
#i wrote abt this in my diary today#but i’ve been thinking abt who i am when i don’t have an active romantic interest#and i’m not wholely sure#like rn i can feel that slipping away rn#and out of it the major defining feature is that i’m sleepy#but i’ve also noticed i don’t want to return to the things i found cool before#but then again i did go from one relationship into another sort of one#so there wasn’t time for me to process how the first person influenced my sense of self#that’s one of the beautiful things though#that time w someone can be such sn influence#i know in a subconscious way i try to change myself in order to match the person better#i’ve done thst w friendships all my life and an intimste relationship is that but even more#i wonder how often other ppl do that too#i feel like it must be a common thing#is it our little brains feeling satisfied through belonging and homogeny (in a nice way)#anyway this is all to say that i am trying to consider who i am#may i’m back to feeling like a strange background character in my own life#i used to feel like the manic pixie dream girl bc that’s the way men would look at me and treat me#but it would make me feel like a supporting roll for someone else’s life#but that character architype is out so i’ve been treated less that way now#now it’s more elena ferrante scary and unsettling treatment from freaky guys#like today i went to the library and a man stopped his car just to make suggestive gestures at me#why can i not simply be and be accepted#but maybe i must accept myself first in order for that to happen
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