#so i refreshed the page to see if it would force me to log in again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jaeminscoffee · 4 years

Text

Cordolium

Cordolium- Heartfelt sorrow, heartache (n.)

Pairing- Lee Jeno x reader

Genre- Fluff for starters, angst for main course.

Word count- 1.78k

Warnings- Y/n’s led on by Jeno. Or she just misinterpreted his actions, also horribly written ✌

Summary- Who’d known one picture was all it would take to break your heart.

Having gotten into your dream university called for leaving your comfort house and moving into a completely foreign environment, where everyone would be strangers unlike your town where everyone knew each other.

You were already cranky about the fact that you had to shift, added to that came the news that you’d have a roommate since the last room available was allotted to the student who enrolled in just minutes before you.

It was a bittersweet feeling. Bitter because you have to live with a total stranger having to share common spaces, personality could be who knows how. Sweet because you’d have a familiar face to look around in the University for.

“Y/n did you see my blue hoodie?” your roommate screamed from his room, to you who was seated on the couch by the living room. “Hmm?” you hum back, knowing full well the hoodie he’s implying to is the one you’d adorned right now.

“Come on doll, is there any hoodie of mine that you haven’t worn yet?”

Jeno is the perfect roommate. You’d been shocked the first day you punched in the password to your apartment, opening the door only to be greeted with a guy who had nothing but a towel around his torso. Half shocked at the fact that your roommate for the rest of your semester would be a guy. Half shocked that an extremely good looking guy was your roommate.

Jeno made the unknown neighborhood seem as though you’d been there all your life. He shooed away all your homesickness, never giving you time to even miss your street by bringing up new things to keep the pair of you occupied.

“Uh? The one that you bought yesterday? I haven’t worn that yet.” you flash him a smile as Jeno passed you a look of boredom. “It was a rhetorical question, Y/n” he shook his head, making his way towards you with nothing but his sweats on.

Not the first time you’ve seen him half naked, you’d seen him like that almost every other day, Jeno had clearly grown ridiculously close to you. But the sight of his toned abs and chiseled chest never fails to fluster you. “look at the picture you have of me half naked, you’re basically burning holes into my abs, babe” he retorted after plopping down on the seat beside yours and you immediately shift position to lay down on the couch with your head on his lap.

“Bold of you to assume i still have that image, Jen” you say, handing him the remote to select what you two would be watching that evening as you tug on his free hand, bringing it up to your hair and placing it there, shaking your head slightly as a signal for him to run his fingers through your hair.

This is how it’d been since you two grew close. You had a very, very touchy friendship. You had no objections to that, absolutely loving the cuddles and names he’d given you.

All fears of being alone had gone with the wind after the news of you being THE Lee Jeno’s roommate spread throughout the campus. The undivided attention you’d receive didn’t faze you though, knowing full well it was all just a way to somehow get Jeno to pay attention to them.

That didn’t matter though since you’d found a perfect friend circle for yourself. That friend circle being Jeno’s friend circle. They were all extremely bubbly and accepting of your joining in the group. One particularly was extremely close to you. Jaemin. Having shared the same energy level and brain cells, you got close to each other really quick.

Jeno chuckles at your antics before complying to your silent request, “Whatever. Though, I’d actually say nothing if you do end up being the first one to wear my new hoodie” you look up at him, confused. “you look cute in my clothes” he sends a wink in your way, leaning down to press a small peck on your forehead before diverting his attention to the shows he constantly switched back and forth to.

“Oh? Then maybe i should change into that right now-” you attempt to get up fast to hide your blushing self, only to be pulled back with a strong grip on the material of your (his) hoodie which resulted in you falling right back onto Jeno’s lap. “Maybe you shouldn’t” he gave you a playful warning look, breaking out into a smile seeing you huff out giggles.

“But you just said you don’t mind!” you try standing up again, “doesn’t matter” he pulls you back with more force, now locking you in a tight embrace as your head gets flushed into the nape of his neck, arms holding his bare shoulder for support.

Married couple. A title your friends had given you due to the pair of yours dynamic. It’s kind of like an inside joke at this point. Each time they’d point out you having something more than a platonic friendship, Jeno would always be the first one to dismiss it, clearing all misunderstandings whereas you’d make little to no effort to do so. Your love for the lad basically oozed out of you.

It’s a little hard to not have feelings for a guy with the personality of an angel, behavior intact and looks as a plus one. You are sure he had at least a little something for you seeing his actions, lingering kisses, touches. You are so sure he’s got at least something for you.

Pressing one last kiss to the side of your head, he moves you gently off of him and onto the fluffy couch as you stare at him in confusion, clearly not liking the warmth being taken away from you. “what happened?” you ask him, about to pull him back down, “I promised a friend I’d go over, we’ll cuddle once i return home, is that alright with you doll?” he inquires, leaning down to smoothen down the hair that was sticking out here and there from his previous actions.��

“Why wouldn’t i be alright with that? As long as you give me all the cuddles we’re missing out on right now” you feign anger to which he gave you his signature eye smile. “Of course.” With that he left the room, probably to change into something else.

You really wanted to spill out your feelings for the lad to him, you weren’t scared of being rejected. Jaemin, Jeno’s known better half, had assured you multiple times of how you’d definitely be the only one to catch Jeno’s attention.

What you were really scared of was if you’d lose what you had right now. Feelings are stuff that comes and goes in a rapid and you can lose everything you have if your feelings for the other deteriorates somehow. But your friendship was way more important to you than your feelings and you wouldn’t, in a million years, want to lose what you’ve established with Jeno.

You spend the rest of your evening watching shows, painting your nails, and even reminding yourself to make one of Jeno’s favourite dishes for dinner once he gets home, mentally thanking Jaemin for reminding you to not forget that little confession plan you had plotted.

You’d make it subtle that you’re in love with your roommate through your actions rather than words, though, he’d be an idiot if he hadn’t already noticed at least a bit of affection for him through your clinginess.

You make your way to your room after turning the flame down to low upon hearing your phone ring. You wipe your hands on your hoodie before pressing the red button and picking it up, Jaemin’s contact taking up its place on your screen.

“Jaem?” you inquire stupidly as though his caller ID didn’t make it obvious enough that it was, in fact your best friend calling you.

“I would have barged into your house if you’d taken any longer to pick up the call but congratulations for finally gathering some balls to do it Y/n!!” Jaemin screams into the speaker, obvious that he’s excited. “Congrats?” you ask back.

“Yes! Finally! You guys look so cute in that image, I almost threw it at Haechan!” he replied with the same energy. Confusion clouds your mind as you try making sense of his words.

“Picture? Congratulations? Jaem, what are you talking about?"

"You know! The picture he just posted of the two of you being all lovey-dovey! I never took Jeno to be a romanticist! Like, the caption??-” you immediately open your laptop to log into your social to see what imagine Jaemin was talking about, “I have a slight doubt that you’re the one who posted it from his-” finally in on instagram, you scroll down to see any new posts of your roommate,

“-phone, but like. I’m so glad that you asked him out, knowing Jeno, he’d never do it unless you double dog dare him-” running impatient hearing Jaemin ramble on about the said image, you finally search up Jeno’s name, feeling your stomach churn with an unknown feeling.

“Also, did you dye your hair? You look really cute in that image though it isn’t all that clear! I told you from day one you’re a match made in heaven-”

You click on the recent post, the image of Jeno, leaning in, pressing a kiss on the lip of a girl unknown to you fills up your screen, ‘my one and only for eternity’ as the caption. “How was the kiss?-” you pause for a second, refreshing the page to see if it’s really an image of Jeno, kissing a girl, “Jaem.."

"I mean, if you’re gonna act all shy with me now then don’t tell me, but tell me how did you confess to him?” you can physically feel your heart drop down to your stomach

“Jaemin..” “you finally get to call him your boyfriend, Y/n! No space between the two words! I can’t believe he decided to make your relationship public the day of confession! But seriously-”

“Jaemin listen-"

"I’m still not over the caption, where did the confession take place?? You should’ve called me man! I would’ve recorded it-”

“Jaemin!” you finally scream, losing it at all the words coming out of his mouth, feeling enraged at yourself for ever thinking you stood a chance. Hearing the line go silent, you feel something wet travel down your cheeks the more you stare at your crush kissing a girl that’s not you. You choke out a silent sob. How are you supposed to face him after today, knowing everything you felt for him was unrequited?

“That girl in the image is not me.”

372 notes · View notes

concubuck · 3 years

Text

two guys going 🙃 and being awkward (9/10/21 chat log)

A conversation between Alastor/Buck (hi there) and Alastor/Alexa (@furby-organist/@killstreaming). So remember when Alexa said “you should turn your junk into a fan” and Buck said “one time i turned my junk into a garbage disposal wanna see” and an hour later Alexa went “I can’t believe I told my alternate to turn his junk into a fan” and Buck went “I can’t believe I showed my alternate my garbage disposal junk”? In a stunning and unprecedented display of mutual emotional maturity, they decide to mutually apologize instead of silently pretend it never happened.

concubuck

"Hi! Hello, am I reaching Alastor? This is your alternate speaking! The one that, uh..." AWKWARD PAUSE. "... The one from last night!" That was the only non-horrible way to identify himself, wasn't it.

killstreaming

Oh. Oh God. Alexa wanted to die significantly less today than he wanted to die last night after the post-clown clarity hit, but the feeling immediately SPIKED. Oh no. (Keep calm.) “Hi! Hello, alternate! Yes, speaking! What can I do for you?” He’s going to get chewed out, he knows it.

concubuck

Oh he answered. Buck had been braced to spend five minutes talking to dead air and never be sure if his alternate was silently listening or just not home. He sort of thinks this might be worse?

"Yes? Well!" Clears his throat. "I thought I ought to address last night before it festers. You see, I, uh..." A nervous pause; and then he sighs. "I—okay, look. Cards on the table: I haven't been human for several years. I'm doing a poor job of remembering human etiquette. Even the basic things, like 'don't send an unsolicited film starring your genitalia to a near stranger.' So—I—wanted to apologize for driving you to drink yourself to sleep."

killstreaming

Oh god, they were talking about last night. /Oh./ He wasn’t being chewed out. “I see. Alright. First and foremost, I appreciate you reaching out.” That meant /Alexa/ didn’t have to reach out. “Understandable and fair on all counts, apology accepted. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re entirely in the wrong here. What I’ll /mostly/ take you to task for is putting me in a position where I’d have had to deal with the awkwardness of declining /publicly/. But ultimately, moot point.”

“It was on topic, though, wasn’t it? I /started/ it, and for that, I owe /you/ an apology. I shouldn’t have roped you into that conversation to begin with. Admittedly, this sort of absurd lewd banter has become the norm on hotel grounds -- but with /friends I’ve known for a while/. I don’t know you well enough to bring up your genitalia, absurdist meem or not. I was out of line, and I apologize. I didn’t drink because of /you/. I wanted to exit consciousness upon realizing my social ineptitude, for which I have no excuse, as I’m currently human. So.”

concubuck

Apology accepted. Silent BIG sigh of relief. "Yes, I—I do recognize I put you in a no win situation, there. Modern etiquette hasn't yet provided us with a gentlemanly way of saying 'no, sir, I do NOT want to see your #### live and in color!'"

HE was owed an apology? He blinked in bewilderment, doing several rounds of mental gymnastics before he worked out WHY. "Oh! Oh. Yes, that's—right—well, I— Well that's—there you have it, just what I was saying about the difference between succubi and humans. It never even dawned upon me that the subject matter was unusual. In fact, I'm /sure/ I thought something to myself like 'oh! Dismemberment! How refreshing, a conversation that isn't sexual.'" Hi don't mind that slight edge of hysteria to his laughter, it's barely noticeable, hardly there, really. "Well—apology accepted, naturally. No damage was done, didn't even chip the paint."

killstreaming

“Pff--” Alexa cackled loudly, one hand uselessly covering his mouth. Live and in color, indeed. Alright, point made, looked like he and Buck were on the same page. “In retrospect, tuning in with no hesitation wasn’t the most grandiose display of decorum.” /Was/ there a correct way to have handled that? Alexa didn’t think so, so, no apology offered.

It was Alexa’s turn to internally sigh of relief. Good, he hadn’t irreparably weirded Buck out. “Hah, alright! I’m not entitely familiar with succubus etiquette, but I’m glad to hear it cast me in a better light than I otherwise would’ve been!” Oh, wheeze. “Hah, what people are into has never ceased to amaze me. Dismemberment, really. But hey-- I’m fine to say, no harm, no foul. I’m good if you’re good.”

concubuck

"... Mm. Perhaps." Tuning in with no hesitation was, in fact, exactly what he hoped and needed people to do. The suggesting that /watching what he offered to be watched/ was somehow inherently indecorous, as though to consume his content was an act of self-degradation... He shifted uncomfortably and tried to remember whether or not he would have agreed with his alternate back when he was human.

(Did it really matter? Wasn't it a succubus's duty to be a corruptive force? If gazing upon him made people a little dirtier, he was doing his job, right? He told himself that and tried to ignore how uneasy he felt in his skin.)

"It's less accurate to say succubi have etiquette around the topic and more accurate to say they have a near complete lack of barriers or standards. The mere fact I prefer not to cuss on air marks me out as queerly prudish." A rueful laugh. "No harm, no foul."

killstreaming

Good golly, Alexa, how do you eat when you’ve got your foot in your mouth so frequently? And he doesn’t even know this time! He’d intended to strictly critique /himself/, but it did imply something about the person offering, didn’t it? To make matters worse, he was taking Buck’s silence as judgment for being prudish about the matter.

Aaand then he wasn’t. Good, okay, they were fine, he really had to stop getting in his own head. “So you’re telling me it’s absolutely /lawless/ out there!” Dramatic hands to his cheeks. “Humans aren’t that much different -- they find me prudish for it as well. Anyway, my interactions with succubi have been largely business to this point, so I have much to learn about social norms.” There, a shield in case he shows his ass in the future.

concubuck

"Oh, succubi don't have much in the way of social norms worth learning." Which was probably a grave disservice to succubi for him to say, but he wasn't currently feeling very charitable to his own state of existence. "I interact with humans to interact with humans. Don't let me get out of line."

killstreaming

“Right, well.” And /that/ conversational door had been shut in his face. His smile thinned into a tight V. “Understood. Call me out if I’m out of line as well.” (He’d like to think his excuse is that he’s barely resocialized, but he doesn’t think it holds much water.)

concubuck

"I doubt you will be, but—yes. Of course."

He realized, a bit too late, that he'd come across as more dismissive than he'd intended to. He ought to offer /something/ more. "The thing is just that there is, as far as I can tell, nothing taboo to say among succubi. If a complete stranger says 'hi, how are you' and the other replies 'I caught something from this b##### and now my c### itches like a mother####er," of the two, the only one that said something surprising is the one who asked how the other is. So, there's—there's very little that /can/ be said wrong. Actions, /physical/ actions, can cross the line, but words are weightless. Almost meaningless, even."

killstreaming

“I-- pfft.” Buck’s sample of succubus dialogue threw Alexa off for a bit, he hadn’t been expecting that. Okay, give him a second, maybe you can hear him stifle another laugh.

“Really! No boundaries around oversharing whatsoever! Fascinating, and oddly reassuring! It’s not even that lax on hotel grounds!” And, well, Buck had gotten a glimpse of how wild those could get. “Look --all cards on the table, right?-- people think they can talk to my husband every which way because of his profession. Forgive me if I kick myself too easily over doing the same; it’s not a critique of succubus standards.”

concubuck

"Very few boundaries, at any rate. Personally, I think their could stand to be a few more. But when you're walking down the street, some oversexed pedestrian says 'hey there succuc###, wanna s### off my c###?' and you find yourself thinking 'do I have enough time for that?' instead of the more reasonable 'should I decapitate him or just give him a swift kick,' well... At that point you have to concede that the standards you think you should have and the standards you actually have no longer overlap, don't you?"

Which was a far more horrifying thing than he'd intended to admit. So he hurried on, "So—anyway, I appreciate the gentlemanly inclination; but don't beat yourself up too much over a comment that didn't even faze me, won't you? I'd hate for my own alternate to suffer needlessly on my behalf!"

killstreaming

Alexa wasn’t /judging/ Buck -- by what standards does one judge an entire other species & their cultural norms? it is what it is, -- but the divide between them was beginning to feel a bit more /present/. And did he want to hear about an acquaintance contemplating blowing a pedestrian? Not really, but he’d chalk it up to aforementioned cultural norm. He laughed to shake it off, and hoped it didn’t come out too awkward.

“Alright, alright, fair enough! Point taken. Don’t worry about me, then. And /you/ don’t beat yourself up either, alright? I don’t have much reassurance to offer other than that it takes a /lot/ to genuinely offend me, and I’d like to think I’m charitable regarding cultural differences.” He fidgeted, hoping he hadn’t said anything wrong. “I mean, because I /would/ like to keep getting to know you.” Did that sound like a come-on? If that came off like a come-on, he’d eat his whole foot. (The other one, the one he /hasn’t/ already stuck in his mouth.)

concubuck

It kind of did sound like a come on. But of the two Alastors who had watched his video, this was the one who HADN'T offered to fist him, and on top of that Buck didn't WANT it to be a come on, so he was going to take it on faith that it wasn't. "And I'd certainly like to keep getting to know you!" ... He hoped THAT didn't sound like a come on. "Ideally with less amateur pornography this time around."

killstreaming

Alexa almost made that stupid joke about waiting until the second date for that sort of thing (third if he's feeling REALLY old-fashioned), but no. Buck wasn't /in/ on the fact that Alexa was resigned from dating altogether. /That/ would be taken as a come-on.

"Ha! Sure, fair, sounds good. Now, I don't know how you feel about coffee, but if you'd ever like to meet for a cup, offer's on the table." Just whenever was good. (Something something morning afters are only awkward if you make them awkward, let me be a gentleman and handle breakfast -- it made more sense in his head. It was funny in his head. But really, a friendly coffee chat sometime would be nice.)

concubuck

"I'm practically powered by the stuff! Coffee sometime sounds delightful." And then, just because that really did sound like it could be a date, he added, "And since you're a married man, I'm going to trust that it's /only/ going to be coffee!" Little lighthearted joke—what's a marriage worth in hell with a succubus around?—but by God, he was determined to meet ONE alternate in person and keep it platonic.

killstreaming

"Good, that seems to be one thing we all have in common!" Coffee fiends, the herd of them.

This was probably /not/ the time to 'actually, it's an open marriage', oh well, Buck was just going to have to get blindsided next time Alexa wilded on voxblr. "Haha! Yes, yes, that's all, just a friendly chat over coffee. Unless the bakery items catch my eye -- then it's over coffee /and/ a croissant." Scandalous. Hey, some of those places made a mean pain au chocolat.

concubuck

"Well, who am I to say no to a croissant!" Okay, this was okay, they'd navigated this mess successfully and were coming out of it on the same page. Hah. Good. Good job, team.

killstreaming

"Aha! I’ll be looking forward to it. Just reach out whenever's good.” Well done, everyone. Crisis very much averted! The deersasters are going to be okay.

#furbyorganist #killstreaming #chat log

3 notes · View notes

ughgclden · 3 years

Note

bee, love, don’t apologise, please, it’s okay, and first and foremost, are you alright?? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, love, but i understand, i don’t think there’s been a year since third grade that i haven’t gotten pneumonia in the winter. I hope you’re feeling alright!!

honestly, dead poets society is one of my only personality traits anymore, i find myself drawing parallels to it constantly, for no reason but i love thinking about it. i’ve watched it so many times at this point, it’s,,, concerning. those tests always take me way less time than they give me, and i used to feel really awkward, i remember i took a bio one once, four hours they gave me, 45 minutes in, i was finished, and the moderator didn’t believe me. i aced it too, like the silly little neil kinnie i am. i’ve gotten used to the ‘worse’ side of being a neil kinnie, and honestly, now that my mum isn’t as controlling about everything as she used to be, it’s easier to deal with. i remember once, i’d gotten an 89 in algebra, and she threatened to pull me out of the fall show. that was a neil perry moment if i ever had one lol. the biggest thing these days is just imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome like oh you’re not hispanic enough, but also, you’re not queer enough, nonbinary enough, things like that. It’s exacerbated some days, but i try.

i watched the it movies on my cousin’s hbo,,, i may or may not have used it without her permission since she forgot to log out of my computer, but that’s neither here nor there. i remember having such a hard time taking the first one seriously initially, because of all the new kids on the block jokes, having a mum who was obsessed with them made it hard, especially when i actually got them all- in truth, the only midnight premiere i’ve been able to make was the force awakens, and i had school the next day too. i’m definitely a richie kinnie, and i have the internalised homophobia (only towards myself though) to prove it /hj my waterbottle has both a sticker of neil on it and a sticker of the r + e carving on it. in case there was any doubt about me lmao. stan kin makes sense for you, honestly, i can see it, i can see it.

okay so listen- no really, i’d bought them with the intention of only drinking half of one that night and spreading them out like that, but then came 9:45pm, and i had a research paper (on womens’ pockets/lack thereof) due at 10am that i simply hadn’t even started, so i downed them all in an hour and got the paper turned in at 5:56 in the morning. but i scare you huh? /hj bee, you’re too sweet, in truth, i’m fairly inelegant, but i try, as for the comforting and cosy, i’ll take you at your word, since that is something only someone interacting with me could discern. i do try to be kind to others for the most part. mainly i think because i’m usually on the other end of mean people.

i’m just perceptive like that bee, i dunno what to tell you, something just tells me, you know? /j and thank you, i always feel a little silly talking about it, because most of the tattoos i want are dead poets society tattoos, i guess some part of me, within the part of me that feels so incredibly tied to it, feels as if if i were able to get a tattoo i’d owe it to the movie in some way, if that makes any sense. i’ve already begged a friend of mine to go with me to get my first once i get to new york, the question though, is what to get first. i’ve got time to make a decision (for once in my life) i just spend a lot of time thinking about it.

honestly, i have never known a school rule to make sense. banning ripped jeans? banning dyed hair? it’s almost as if if they don’t stifle everything natural about kids expressing themselves they dont feel like they’re doing anything. but i digress. the same-sex couple rules were. awful. 12 year old me had enough going on without having an administrator yell at my friend and i for hugging in the courtyard and not leaving until we were a foot apart, but hey.

okay, jumping over a fence to go to a mcdonalds? how coming of age indie movie manic pixie dream girl of you /hj

200k words, is that a challenge? also ahaha not at all like my italian uncle up there just opened a ‘pizzeria’ /hj but mob!star au? might be a project i should start… granted, i’m not as good a storyteller as you, but i can try.

when i was little, i wanted to revolutionise things, i guess. i even actually wrote out a campaign, i wonder if its still somewhere. thank you for believing in me, but these days, bee, i’m thinking less about changing the world, and more about making it the next few weeks, and then the ones after that. little star was aware of so much, but also so little. i wonder what they’d think of me now, honestly.

i did, in fact, teach archery, it was so fun but my arms got SO SORE, and the kid who challenged my archery skills seemed surprised when i actually,, hit the bullseyes. my inner susan was happy then. incidentally the experience is also why i made a playlist called “touchstarved and wanting to teach you to shoot a bow” which low-key slaps when i’m lonely. and bee omg i cannot believe you said im better than susan pevensie i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life thank you- and yes, yes it was named aslan, however did you guess? /j prince caspian<33333

i’ll let you know my results from the tournament, as soon as they come out, and i say this having just put on pjs after taking off my suit, and sitting in the room with my cat in my dear evan hansen hoodie, frantically refreshing the results page because i’m anxious and impatient.

i hope you have a good night, with fitful and restful sleep, i’m sorry this got to be so long, but you know me, i certainly can talk. i’m honestly shocked i even made it to finals, considering i was running off four hours of sleep, having gone to bed at three last night. whoops.

all my love, hugs, and a warm mug of tea,

yours,

star✨

p.s i said yes so that?? happened?? it honestly feels surreal but we’re not gonna be in the same place anymore come the end of this year, so that’ll be something to deal with

P.p.s might just start adding spanish or latin or russian phrases to these if i keep having to translate your cute french bee /lh /hj

star my love, i know you said don't apologise, but i think the word 'sorry' makes up about 60% of my vocabulary. i'm okay!! was just a bit icky, but luckily i've recovered now!!

that's so nice - and again, makes so much sense for you. i think you would work perfectly in welton, i know it. i love bringing the messages from that film into my own life, as silly as it may sound. i'm astonished, and so fucking jealous of you. i used to finish tests maybe half an hour early, but hours is so impressive??? fun fact i did finish my physics final in about 45 minutes and slept for the other hour <3 neil would b proud my love!!! oh my god - i'm so sorry that happened??? but that is also so neil kinnie??? it seems futile me saying this, but i assure you that you are hispanic enough, and queer enough, and non-binary enough. you are enough, period. more than enough even. imposter syndrome is the worst, and i'm so so sorry you're dealing with it.

she did that to herself, you just saw an opportunity /lh a midnight premiere of the force awakens sounds so cute though omg - i hope you had the absolute best time. the r + e carving actually broke me. as a die hard reddie shipper since 2017, seeing the movie make it basically canon?! had me a mess in the cinema.

you are ridiculously comforting and cosy, everything about you feels like a warm hug from a familiar face and i love it. and the way you write is so smooth, it makes me think of a quill smoothly gliding across parchment, the deep black ink unsmudged and pristine. that seems a little pretentious of me, but oh well.

i also want some dps tattoos!! i desperately want "and still we sleep" from todd's poem, and was also so so tempted to get an outline drawing of meeks + pitts dancing on the roof. i love that, and i can't wait until the day you get it, whichever one it may be. my one concern is becoming addicted to them and making my bank account suffer - at least my piercing obsession is a little easier to fund /hj

i've NEVER gotten that - they claim it's 'distracting' but how on earth would it be?? when i got to college, no one was distracted by my dyed hair, and i certainly wasn't distracted by other people's outfits or painted nails. you were yelled at. for hugging. a friend.. what the fuck is wrong with these people??

just call me ramona flowers star /j it was possibly the highlight of my school career, sans hiding in the back room of the music room to avoid a maths test

i bet you're an amazing storyteller, if these letters are anything to go by. it would be a new york times best seller, i know it

we all have to take things one step at a time, i think. that's the only way i really get through things if i'm honest. one day after another and the cycle repeats. i love wondering what young me would think of me now - i'd probably be intimidated of myself, but i like to think i'd be proud that i'm still here, pursuing something i love

that playlist. sounds nothing short of sheer perfection. i too am touch starved and want to teach someone to shoot a bow - even though i.. cannot shoot a bow... but i can wield a sword so, it's close enough.

i saw your message about the tournament results - im so fucking proud of you!!!! you deserve it so so much and i couldn't be happier for you. see, your words and ideas are changing the world, even if you don't realise it.

ps; that is so fun???? omg im so happy for you star, you deserve tis <33 i hope towards the end of this year whatever happens leaves you both happy, no matter how far the distance.

pps; omg no.. please don't do that.. aha that would be awful... definitely wouldn't make my heart race.. haha not at all

all of my love, star. pardon the pun, but you are out of this world ;) i'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes;

il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé <3

#asks <3 #anon asks!#star anon #long post

2 notes · View notes

hydrus · 3 years

Text

Version 450

youtube

windows

zip

exe

macOS

app

linux

tar.gz

🎉🎉 MERRY 450! 🎉🎉

I had an ok week. Last week's experimental release went well, so I have polished that, and I otherwise caught up with a variety of small work.

If you sync with the PTR, update will take a couple of minutes.

all misc this week

So, the update storage change went ok! There were a couple of little sync bugs to clear up, but overall it works--tag repositories now track their processing progress by mappings, siblings and parents separately. You don't have to do anything, and this doesn't matter much for day to day work, but it allows for individualised reset and reprocessing. All 448 users will have their siblings and parents reset and reprocessed, which will take a couple of minutes to do on update, and about fifteen minutes on your next processing job to fill back in, and which should eliminate some bad siblings and parents due to years-old processing bugs that long term users have been dealing with (leaving only current bugs, which I am also working on). The reset will not delete any pending siblings or parents you have, so no worries if you have a bunch waiting to be uploaded.

Advanced Users: The PTR sibling and parent reset will however remove any siblings and parents you uploaded that were then denied by jannies (which your client would have added to itself anyway). Everyone is reset to a 'clean' sync with this change, so if you know you have a ton of surplus denied siblings you rely on, perhaps from years ago that we agreed I would deny on the PTR to help you hack in an overwrite in the old system, you might like to hold off updating and first figure out a PTR sibling/parent backup to a local service using tag migration.

I fixed some things with Mr Bones. His numbers are accurate to your 'my files' again, and he now talks about your total deleted files and also your earliest file import time. I divided the ugly growing stack of numbers into tabs, which I am sort of happy with, sort of not. People like to take screens of Mr Bones, but they have different preferences on what to show, so I may replace this with expand/collapse buttons or similar, so you can show everything if you want.

If you use the export files window to get a lot of files out, it now makes a progress popup. You can close the window while it is exporting and still see and cancel the job.

The Client API file search now supports file and tag domain selection (like the 'my files' and 'all known tags' buttons on a normal search page), and also file sort for searches. I know the Client API guys have been waiting on this, so with luck we should see some neat new search options in the Client API programs in the near future.

full list

misc:

when exporting files from the file export window, a cancellable popup job with progress updates is also created. if you close the window, you can still cancel the job from the popup

fixed a crash bug in file export window

system:num file relationships (duplicates) now correctly only returns files in the current file search domain (previously, it returned all files, including those previously deleted etc...)

I rearranged some of the thumbnail menu file relationships actions menu. I'm not really happy with this, but a shuffle is easier than a full rework

fixed the '4k' resolution label replacer, which was looking at 2060 height not 2160 by mistake

the phash generation routine (part of the duplicates system, happens on image imports) now uses less memory and CPU for images with an alpha channel (pngs and still gifs), and if those images are taller or wider than 1:30 or 30:1, the phashes are also better quality

the 'fill in subscription gap' popup button now correctly boots its created downloader when the action also opens a new downloader page. previously, due to overactive safety code, it would hang on 'pending' until a client restart. related similar 'start downloader after creating page' actions off drag and drop or client api should also be more reliable

repositories (also the various improvements in 449-experimental are folded in):

fixed an issue with some 'force repository account refresh' code not kicking in immediately

when a client sees repository update period change, it now recalculates the metadata next check time

fixed a bug with the new repo sync where updates just added from additive sync were not being processed until client restart. related long-term buggy 'do we have this hash in updates?' and 'how many updates are there?' tests for update metadata are also fixed

the experimental by-content-type repository reset from last week now leaves pending content in place

the reset also now clears cached service info counts for files, tags, and mappings

client api:

the /get_files/search_files command now takes six new parameters for file/tag domain selection and file sort type and order

I wrote out some simple help and added some hacky unit tests for these new parameters. it needs another pass for potential bug fixes and readability/specificity (e.g. what does 'asc' for 'sort by ratio' mean?), but let me know how you get on anyway

fixed the new system predicate parsing for system:hash with only one hash

improved the url system predicate examples in client api documentation

client api version is now 19

mr bones:

mr bones now reports the correct numbers for your 'my files' again (and will continue to do so as multiple local file services are added)

mr bones now reports total files deleted and their total size

mr bones now reports your earliest recorded file import time

mr bones now has separate tabs for different stats types. this neatly ditches the giant stack of numbers this was becoming, but I may revisit it. some people who take mr bones screens will prefer all the info in one easy shot, while I others I know would rather the 'viewing habits' stuff were not immediately there. maybe expanding boxes?

fixed some mr bones layout

boring code cleanup:

made a new base class for the different database modules to hold cursor and collect common administrative functions

all database queries (about 1,200 of them) now go through a single location in the new class

a new profile mode, 'query planner' mode, now prints query text and EXPLAIN QUERY PLAN lines to a new profile log. this is a new experimental thing, extremely spammy, but will help with diagnosing very unusually slow queries on individual clients (it'll most likely show up odd sqlite versions, weird data distributions, or un-analysed tables)

updated a core function in 'all known files' mappings change autocomplete count adjustment. this seemed to have extremely bad worst case time, and I think it might have been giving some bad counts in unusual situations

next week

Next week is cleanup. The long term database breakup job has been going well, making code simpler and easier to expand, so I think more of that. I also started a new database profiling system this week, and I want to experiment with it a bit.

#release

2 notes · View notes

hitsuackerman · 4 years

Text

Unpredictable (Overhaul x Reader) pt.10

a/n: do ya’ll love Gei? because this chapter is dedicated for Gei <3

warnings: this cannot be read solo, flamboyance

Links: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 11

Masterlist to my other fics: here :)

Overhaul’s waiting list: @jjk-biased @infinite-universe-love @dirtypride @blackymomo03 @azzie @purple-rabanito

“I’m sorry but Endeavor’s schedule is still full. If you’d like to set a meeting with him, it would have to wait till next week.” Burnin answered over the phone.

It was now 2 days since the rather nice date with the chief. You could’ve done this yesterday but the chief had insisted you take the day off. Not sure what his intentions were, you took the opportunity nonetheless. Spending it with your family was the best choice. (Mostly for Nomura’s cooking though...)

Now, you were nested in your cubicle. Face buried in a day’s pile of delayed work. Disappointed that the arson case would have to be moved once more. Maybe the HPSC would take interest in this? Probably not. Still, you wrote down a note to call Mera just in case you were sick and tired of the dead ends.

“In that case, schedule me a 20 minute meeting with him. You can choose when and what time.” You replied and ended the call.

Looking at the time, it was almost lunch and you were set to meet with Gei. His workplace was only 10 minutes from your area and you could afford to take your time knowing this day wasn’t as heavy as the rest. Your phone dinged with a notification from the man himself.

Gei is the Best: Honey boo boo. Is it alright if you drop by the hospital first? I have this patient that just WON'T sit still for the love Beyonce >:(

You: Sure :) Need me to lower his BP? That might do the trick.

Gei is the Best: YAS! YOU DA BEST. Imma inform the receptionist. See you in a few! Lunch is on me <3

Taking your things, you informed Tsukauchi that you’d be out for the rest of the day. Upon hearing Gei’s name, he chuckled and asked for you to wait. Opening his desk drawer, he handed you a sealed envelope and told you to hand it to him.

“What’s this?”

“It’s some pictures of a recent guy I caught. He might find the man’s composition interesting. His quirk was body manipulation. It somehow failed and his quirk backfired on him. Try to imagine a human pretzel except… you can’t untangle him.” Tsukauchi explained. The slight look of amused disgust on his face.

“He does find these things interesting. So you’ll be asking him to fix the guy?”

“Yeah. Called him a while ago so he’ll be expecting that.”

After a few more small talk, you excused yourself and made your way to your car. Everything was going well till you saw the chief talking with another officer. Not wanting to have a chat with him, you turned and took the long way towards the parking area.

Now that you were on the road, you stopped at a red light and wore your ear piece. Using your car’s touch screen monitor, you clicked on Overhaul’s contact. It was lunch time, he surely didn’t have any schemes at this time.

“Problem child.” He answered after the second ring.

“Birdman.” You smiled at the pet names. “When are you free to test the earpiece?”

“Unfortunately my schedule is full today. Would tomorrow work?”

“Sure. What time are you available?”

“Lunch will do. Drop by the Shie Hassaikai. We can eat together.”

You did not intend to but your foot stepped on the brakes. Did you just hear him right? The car behind you honked his horn and that made you snap out of your daze. Remembering that he was still on the other line, you shook your head and tried to contain your curiosity.

“You’re not going to kidnap me, are you?”

“I’m more than capable of doing so.” The slight rise of his tone made your stomach feel ticklish. Your hands now held tightly on to the steering wheel, waiting for his next words. “But I’d rather not.”

“(favorite food). And you have a deal.” You turned towards the nearing hospital. Your mouth silently repeated ‘oh my god’ till you saw a parking spot.

“Till then, Problem child.”

When the call ended, you slammed on the brakes once more and shrieked. Feeling your blood pressure rising from the conversation, you placed your hand on your chest. A faint blue glow forming on your palms. Your rapid beating heart and incoming hyperventilation died down.

“Holy shit. It’s been a while since I used that on myself.”

Stepping out of the car, you walked towards the entrance of the hospital. The guard grinned as he saw you approaching. He knew who you were so you were able to skip the log book. Passing by the receptionist, she greeted you and said Gei was waiting in his office.

In the hallway, you could hear the sounds of shoes running around and a few announcements every now and then. Stopping at a window, you observed a few nurses helping some patients. Most of them had tubes connected to their bodies but none of them looked to be in pain. The machines inside were white and you could see how the liquids were gently shaking.

“OH MY LORD!” You turned around and looked at the direction of the scream. “WILL YOU SIT STILL?! I SWEAR TO THE ALMIGHTY FATHER JAY-Z, IF YOU DO NOT SIT STILL I WILL HAVE TO USE THIS ON YOU!”

Running towards his office, you immediately opened the door only to find Gei in his white coat. His hair a shriveled mess, a syringe with clear white liquid, and the patient hiding behind the sofa.

“Gei?”

“Close the door baby girl!” He yelled and lunged towards the patient. Somehow he was able to grab a hold of the hospital gown. Tugging the male into his hold, he turned to face you. “Your quirk please!”

Not wanting to anger Gei, you hurriedly made your way to the two people. Placing your hand on to the male’s chest, both of you saw how his shoulders relaxed. The crazed demeanor was now replaced with one of calm. You felt a tug on your palm and quickly adjusting your control, you increased his blood pressure till he was deemed stable.

You and Gei led the man to the sofa to where he sat down. Keeping your hand on his chest, you maintained control as Gei did his usual magic. Now that you were able to assess the patient, you saw the dislocation his arm had. His sleeves had hidden it from sight.

Watching as your friend used his quirk, the dislocation began to fix itself till it was finally back to normal.

“Now that that’s over with, put him to sleep boo.” Gei said while he walked towards his desk and paged a nurse to come get the patient.

Lowering the blood pressure even more, you felt the patient losing his consciousness. When his head fell, you had finished your job. Making him lean onto the sofa, you closed his eyelids and observed his breathing. It was steady and even. Not long after, a soft snore erupted from the sleeping man.

“What exactly just happened?”

“The way his arm was dislocated made it rather painful. Told him if he would relax, I could ease the pain by a tiny bit. Lord of quirks, the man panicked and began his episode.” Gei explained as he fixed his coat and poured alcohol into his palms. When the nurse arrived, he assisted in carrying the patient into the bed.

“Busy day?” You relaxed on to the chair and held a throw pillow.

“Oh honey no. Nothing I can’t handle. Your presence only made things quicker.” He exaggerated a wink. “Remind me why you didn’t pursue the medical world?”

“I retain information badly. And to top it off, my quirk just makes me into a human sphygmomanometer. It’s helpful but it works better with the police force in times of raids.”

“Well, if yo happy with yo job then do what you do boo.” Taking his coat off, he hung it on his chair and began to keep the files and paper works. Remembering the file in your bag, you reached for it and tossed it onto his table. When Gei saw the penmanship, he nodded and placed it in his drawer. “Send him my thanks and a hug as well~”

Now that Gei was ready, the both of you were now walking in the lobby. A bunch of other nurses greeted him with his hard earned title. Doctor.

“Dr. Hanayaka. Don’t forget your appointment with patient 247 later today.”

“Yes yes. I have it on my sched. Now puh-leaz! I am on break and I need to refresh my beauty with this lady over here.” He winked at the nurse who simply shook her head with amusement. “Go do your thing now, love.”

“It’s amazing how they put up with you.” You commented as both of you exited the building.

“Of course~ I have the charm, the look, and the wits.” He snapped his finger with each description he had for himself. “All I need now is a man.”

Unlocking your car, the both of you got in and drove to the restaurant he had in mind. It wasn’t too far from both your offices so you didn’t mind. It didn’t take too long before you found yourself seated in a comfortable booth by the window with menus in hand. Choosing one of their best sellers, the waitress was quick to get your orders.

“So… how was the date two nights ago?” Gei was in full gossip mode now.

“It ended pretty well.” A smirk formed on your face.Recalling how the chief experienced a bad stomach ache was satisfying. “The food was fine and luckily he didn’t cause a scene since his food made his stomach go bad.”

“Who was he anyway?” He titled his head. He knew you were too busy to even casually date or even try one of those speed dating things. If there was one man he knew you were interested in but it was too obvious you were still blind that the feelings were growing. “You never told me his name, never mentioned how you met, or even his age. Did you meet in Sinder?”

“Don’t freak out or whatever.” Upon seeing him nodding his head, you let out a long and tired sigh. “It’s my chief.”

Gei held on to his chest and began to hyperventilate. His face morphed into one with disgust and disbelief. Even made fake puking sounds to add to his reaction.

“Oh. Heyll. No.” His voice went a range higher. “Sis. Why the hell you go out with that man? You ain’t got no daddy issues! And don’t go tellin’ me no man would take interest in you cause thaz bullshit.”

“It was either that or I get 10 more cases. I already have too much on my hands. Two of which are major.” You explained and sunk deeper onto the chair. “It’s fine, though. The dinner ended on a nice note. His stomach ache was just so bad that he practically pushed me out of his car.”

Gei’s mind went ticking. The chief asks you out on a date, the date ends on a disaster for him but a success for you. Staring at your happy face, he lifted his fleek eyebrow and placed one knee on top of the other. Leaning onto the arm rest and pouting.

“Tell me, baby girl, whatdyu the day before the date?”

“Me and the chief met up with Overhaul for a quick meeting. Then he got mad cause the chief cut me off and then he dropped me home to let me take a shower cause he said I smelled like him.”

“And what does your brain have to say about that?” Gei asked. A sly smile on his face.

“Not much.” You shrugged your shoulders. “He was right, though. I smelled like beetroots.”

“Oh good lord.” Gei uttered to himself. “Beyonce, if you’re out there, bless this oblivious woman…”

“BUT, the waiter at the restaurant was pretty attractive.” Seeing how Gei shimmied his shoulders and leaned in closer was always fun. “I didn’t get his name, though. However, he had pretty cool hair. Like, arrows for the ends.”

“In that case, imma make a reservation.” He smacked his lips just in time for the food to be served.

The rest of the meal was light and fun. Occasional teasing from him which you didn’t take to heart. You had asked him how his job was and his patients, he in turn asked for updates about cases you could speak freely about in public. Now that the food was gone, he reached for his neon pink wallet to hand over the payment.

“By the way, I’m free tomorrow.” He added with a slight jump. “Wanna stop by this new cafe that opened down the block?”

“I can't. I'm meeting Overhaul tomorrow.”

“You say that so casually as if he isn’t a class-B villain.” He pointed out. “Look me straight in the eye and tell me your heart doesn’t skip a beat when you see him.”

And you did. Straight up told him that it did not. However, you still told him that he would sometimes catch you off guard and end up stuttering or catching your breath. All you’re flamboyant friend could do was to send a prayer to his queen that you would one day realize that you were slowly falling for the villain.

Lucky for him, his prayers would be answered soon enough.

Sadly, it came with a cost.

----

another date but this time with Overhoe himself? wew~ the possilities..

do you guys have any questions? feel free to comment and ill gladly answer them :) take care and i hope you guys like this chapter <3

#overhaul x reader #bnha overhaul #mha overhaul #overhaul #chisaki kai x reader #chisaki kai #bnha chisaki kai #mha chisaki kai

74 notes · View notes

thelostandforgottenangel · 4 years

Text

Good Morning everyone! I'm back!

I am happy to say that it is over, any reported harassment's against me were investigated; I had to send so much crap in and was told to wait; I was not guaranteed anything but it is luckily over and I can move past that and enjoy my followers and dear Tumblr family once again

Thank you for the few who gave me the support; I did get the messages whoever you are, I really would like to put a face to them but will not post them publicly to keep everyone safe.

Now I want to take this time to apologize to everyone for whatever I did because for the two people I had contact with talked me out of a very permanent plan to officially leave here if I lost my page after many years of being able to confide in people who cared and built me up because this is my safe zone; my safe haven away from my reality which I do need my escape to forget for just a second.

Returning to Tumblr after a forced hiatus, I was just happy to be back and check on my loved ones; getting my new phone in and finally having access to the internet again had me so happy until I got a message I did not fully understand

Now I had just returned; I had no clue what was going on when this happened and, yes, it upset me deeply to be delighted to talk to somebody I considered a friend and instead while replying to ask how they were doing wanting to be sure they were okay ((Understanding the person had been having troubles before I vanished I was looking in on a friend)) before the chat showed they had blocked me right after

Like everyone on here except one person; there is no way to contact me if I go missing. If I am not here due to I either: 1.) not having internet thanks to the person in control of it or 2.) functioning with a broken phone meaning - I did not get updates unless it was somebody who knew who to contact

I had no other way of reaching out since the friend is no longer active here after leaving months ago.

I had no clue what was transpiring and, Lexi, who anyone who has followed me since the beginning, is my lovely Anonymous penpal who sends me writing ideas for stories and the only real reason I left anonymous asks active because she, like me, suffers from extreme anxiety was trying to boost positivity for me because she understood my situation and the place I am in

I understand now she contacted a lot of people looking for me because; my anon messaging was finally turned off weeks before I left right after I stood up to my bully – I am sorry for that I did not get to say goodbye to anyone because it happened without warning and to those who knew what was going on I knew you would understand, and I know I worried a few people, it was never my plan to be such an inconvenience

Now at some point in the last few days, I had a dear friend send me some things in a submission that I never saw and wish I never had, thankfully; I know now, and for the sake of their sanity and to keep from adding any more drama or toxic actions to our wonderful fandom, they will remain unnamed because I do not want them catching any hate

Nobody here deserves hate.

So I will not be posting the original nor will I release the creator's name; this was a problem between us it stays between us because I do not wish ill on you; I hope you are successful and are having no more issues, I know returning to my page and not seeing any anon hate in my box after ten days is very refreshing for a change

I have seen everything said about me in three possibly four separate posts since it was all sent to me as one with little separations in-between, and I’m okay with it; I guess I have to accept this is how you feel I have nothing else to say on the matter

What you are saying is fine; I’m not going to let it get me, that is your opinion, and as human's, we are all allowed to have an opinion

Now, I don't know if you will see this, but I don’t think you are crazy in any way; I think you are intelligent and you have a huge heart; in our IM's you told me about your disorder also about you mental problem and like I said there I still understand; it runs in my family and, thankfully it bypassed me; but I still have compassion for those battling mental illnesses since I do have a few myself

I didn’t know about the ask you got until you mentioned it before I returned, and since mentioned by my best friend that she got one too earlier in the day I already knew who you were talking about

I had just seen it when I got blocked, and I didn’t fully get to read it until this morning when I was finally able to log on, and yes, I privately told you who that anon was because I had told her what a sweet person you were encouraging her to friend you, I have no idea how I lied but it is okay too

I was not here for those hate messages nor was I involved in anything I get too much hate daily when I am here to even dream of sending it but, nobody will believe me except anyone who has ever interacted with me

In your post, you warned people about three of those five people (Again; the ones I know about will not be named)

I only tried to interact once with your Raph; the response was enough to discourage me from ever trying again; you were stressed I got that because of everything going on I can only imagine you felt like it was an attack, I did not want an RP I just needed somebody to talk to that night, and, for once I didn't go directly to private messages as I do with everyone, that was my fault so I deserved the blow up even if I did not know about that RP until you explained. I apologized, profusely because I felt bad for bringing up – it was to talk, something many know I am not good at, I didn’t know the subject would hurt you; we had never interacted but you had offered to interact with me at one time if I needed you and trying to heal I attempted to reach out on the only thing I had seen on your page a long time ago

I don't get to RP for me haven't for a long while now, but I try to make others happy

But I am sorry I made an effort to reach out; you didn't need that

So if you are in the TMNT fandom, please be cautious because I only seem cause problems for the people I care for

You blocked me, you have your reasons, and yes, I do respect them and, after this post, it is in the past; I hope you are doing and getting along well

And guys, I can’t and will not give the name of this person or do it privately because I don’t want them catching any hate, but please, by all means, if you ever find their blog follow them; they are so talented and deserve so much love from this fandom

Lastly, while I will be staying on Tumblr because I do not want to leave any of you, I will be making several changes to my several pages soon to make sure this never happens again and to all my followers; I love you guys, and for that, I will no longer be posting struggles on here anymore even though I only gave you guys a penny in a 10-gallon bucket because I needed comfort that was too much; my problems are my burden, not yours; and I can not say how sorry I am that I ever put that on any of you

Nobody needs to know what their friends are dealing with when we come here to be happy because it is too much to put on anyone not personally dealing with it, so you will only see the sadness in my stories and only see the struggle in my art

My ask box will be open; anon will alternate day to day but, any hate I hope not to see will be deleted immediately; if your face is on the lovely message; you will be blocked right there just like the last 12 people since quarantine started for me in February

Also, while I am still here *this is a scheduled post it is 4 a.m. my time will post, hopefully after I am asleep cause my sleep schedule is grossly off* I do not want ANY hate streaming from this post, I know my followers will not do that to anyone; this is just me getting it out of my system

We are breaking the chain of toxicity right here! We were not meant to be friends in this lifetime but maybe the next

Tumblr, at one point, was always a beautiful, safe place for many of us who needed a way out of our situations; and when I joined in 2014 as a supernatural blog I was run off, then I came back again in 2016 for TMNT and found my family some of us just wanted a place to be us; to not be judged for who we were, it needs to go back to that for all of its members soon.

We have already lost way too many wonderful creators from here let's not lose any more

And if you have noticed a difference in the last three months, mostly pertaining to my writing; I downloaded Grammarly and started taking classes with my old English teacher on ZOOM who, bless her heart, had to deal with my dumbass in school because I suck at punctuality.

I was very self-conscious about admitting that, but somebody reminded me there is no shame in learning something again and I have been working hard

#scheduled #mun will be on later #been up all night with sick kids

4 notes · View notes

edge-lorde · 4 years

Text

hp update: its been a long time, boys. ud think that with this plague outbreak id have more time for shitty phone games, and ud be right! however, the time i normally might use to make tumblr posts has been taken up by reading lotr orc fanfiction non-stop for at least 1 full month. id still be in the thick of that obsession even now if only the fics would update. that is how i find you today folks, for the first time in many weeks i am staring at a screen with nothing to do. so come with me friends, theres no better way to fill the soulless void we are all in than reading a nice long tumbler post.

disclaimer, first of all, a lot has happened, i prefer to keep these updates as plot spoiler free as possible but do to extenuating circumstances i feel like it is necessary to say, [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER BELOW]

that rowan fucking died,

i wont say exactly how, but i will say that her death was animated as were animations of myself and a few others reacting to our friend fresh corpse. obviously meant to be serious moments but the animations made it seem almost comical.

i saw at least one post going around right after this update that was like ‘how could the game devs do this to us..... how could they hate rowan so.... this is punishment from on high’ and its like.... u guys do know what a story is right? the events of a story are not typically done to punish less faithful fans, im pretty sure they were planning to kill rowan off from the beginning. this isnt disney im pretty sure the writers are not writing each chapter the night before its released by popular vote.

that little “are we drifting away..?” scene with rowan makes more sense now. there was a bit in one of the scenes where the kids all reminisce on rowans life and the mc talks about it being the last real one on one time they had with rowan. a nice bitter sweet moment. i dont hate this turn of events. its a good reminder that actions have consequences and we are way past they days of “should i wear a hat or scarf?” its YA time now.

i did manage to take 1 screenshot from this time, i had commented that before that when rowan said she didnt have many friedns that barnaby seemed to be hanging out with her without be there as a friend buffer and here was his reaction to her death:

;_;

the funniest part in all of this however, was of course cedericks reaction to rowans death “but she was so young....” LOL fuckin RIP.

lets see... what else.... i forget a lot of what happened but i think there was a time sensitive quidditch event in there somewhere? if so i dont remember it. what i do remember of the quidditch pals is that im gonna play beater now, skye is being weird and cagey about it, andre is involved.... the others are there.....

sidenote, i love the shitty b characters they throw in to be like yes you know this person but no they are not cool enough for u to even think about befriending. the first one of those is face paint kid, and now we have another, who is a former beater girl with horrible bangs named bean who didnt go to any classes for a whole season so she could just play ball 24/7 and got kicked off the team. this is a character who only exists to provide an explanation as to why there would be a beater position open but i love them on principle.

right now im in the midst of another time sensitive event, this one is a bother-your-brother-at-work-day event where recent hogwarts graduate bill weasley is bullied by myself and his younger brother charlie into letting us go with him on one of his curse breaking jobs.

so for those unfamiliar, bill works for the magical bank of england.... and his job seems to be “retrieving treasure” for said bank. in the books, there is a bit where he takes his family on one of his trips to egypt, where his job seemed to have been tomb plundering indiana jones style for the posterity of the english bank :X. i wont explain here why thats bad but its bad.

the game devs however in this instance, at least SEEM to be doing what jkr couldnt do by attempting to salvage what is left of gringotts bank and form it into not a super shitty implications factory run by horrible jewish caricatures. bills mission is to retrieve a goblin made artifact that was taken by dragons, so no going to foreign countries to steal things from other people! only going to a dragon reserve to rifle through animal nests. they even appear to be providing us with a likable goblin character, egad!

my hope for this event is that we get a plotline about how maybe, goblins arent shifty human haters for no reason, and in fact they hate magic humans for very understandable reasons, like being forced to go into hiding with the rest of the magical world even though only the humans wanted to do that, and maybe despite running the bank in england they still dont have a lot of political sway in the world of wizards and witches, and have to rely on the faith that said wizards and witches wont fuck them over at every turn, even as they see how they treat other non-humans, such as house elves, which they desperately dont want to end up like. and maybe they DONT only care about gold... maybe thats a human stereotype based on the fact that theres a long history of humans not respecting goblin ownership customs.... which i could get into..... but i wont.... i just....... very badly dont want them to suck ;__________;

i know i said its ok to still like a piece of media as long as you recognize the problems with it, and i do, but once this game is done im gonna stop hp posting all together. ive been feeling more and more uncomfortable making these posts lately.

GENERAL GAME NOTES; theres been some new layout changes and such.

most notably the stairs screen has been changed from a bulleted list of all locations to a screen with tiles picturing an image of each location along with the name + icons of all classes at each place. there is one additional location that is new and yet to be unlocked, and the dragon reservation is appearing temporarily as its own tile as well. i prefer this method of getting in and out of a temporary location to how they did it with car during the last christmas special. the stairs icon also now stays in the corner when you scroll through locations, allowing you to open the stairs menu without scrolling all the way back to the left.

they also moved a few of the buttons down into the lower left corner rather than the left side & combined the story button and sidequest button. they added a little camera button as well, just like in the dormitory, that makes all the icons in a location disappear and look better for screenshots.

the daily special add offer thing now has its own button in the top right corner of the screen, and idk if i mentioned it before but now there are daily challenges that appear in the sidequest screen that offer small rewards for completing 3 tasks per day + a better one if u get all 3. the prizes are things like 4 energy, 75 coins, 3 monster food. the better rewards are usually either more coins, 8 energy, 3 gems, or 1 notebook. i think that it does all the different color notebooks but i cant remember for sure if i ever saw the gold one up as a reward. i like this addition in any case. if you dont pick up ur reward by the end of the day, the next time u log on it will force u to stop and accept them, and if one of the rewards is energy and ur energy bar is full, it does not seem to stack beyond the bar so watch out.

the character stats page is now more zoomed out so you can see your full character instead of just from the waist up. no change to the leaderboard. rowans face in the friendship roster is now a still black and white image that says ur friend may be gone but friendship is forever u-u.

rowan has been removed from all classes. in the classes where the minigames involved her, those minigames have passed the mantle onto other friends in the class. in potions that person is now liz helping u find stuff off the shelves and in tranfiguration that person is badeea. bless these girls for helping mc get through it. touched my heart.

theres been a few fun little “i know u have more free time now so uhhhh have some energy” prizes like they do sometimes when they dont update on schedule so thats been nice. just a few days ago they gifted us 3 gold notebooks the same way. :O.

theres also been a few instances of a energy happy hour where for a limited time energy takes less time to refresh. normally it takes 4 mins for 1 energy to do this but during happy hour its like 2:30 mins. :U its all very interesting.

and that will have to do it for tonight my friends, ill do a post for the dragon event when its done because i do like it so far and i do like getting to bully bill with charlie.

until next time, remember.......

#hp #harry potter #hphm #harry potter hogwarts mystery #bill weasley #goblins #charlie weasley #sirius business #rowan khanna #rambling #Thoughts #so sorry im still making these posts #i just want to see them through to the end now

9 notes · View notes

pkgam · 4 years

Text

What Happened to Twitch?

Twitch used to be a pretty good website. I had really high hopes that it would be a competitor to Youtube. It is a live stream platform that was ahead of Youtube as Youtube took a while to do live stuff. It has videos as well such as of past streams or people streaming videos they made for viewing later, viewer interaction features, solid streamers, no audible magic, good mods/staff, etc... Now the issues with the site are virtually endless. Let me give you a rundown of various things I have experienced and I have heard others experiencing which you may or may not have experienced because it’s as if that issues are not even account-specific.

Lately when logging in, every time, they prompt be to get a 6-digit code from my Email to continue to login because they “don’t recognize” my device. Yeah, you know how on every other website that has verification things like this, it’ll keep track of what devices you logged in from so you don’t have to keep verifying? No matter what, it doesn’t do that for me and a bunch of others. It seems to work fine for others though. So it’s user-specific. I have even tried logging in from one PC, then logging into another off the same internet while STILL being logged in to that PC and it’ll ask me to verify on both. It should at least be able to tell it’s from the same IP, but nope.

Try reporting the glitches and problems to Twitch as well. You’ll get nowhere. A recent experience I had with them was I tried to resolve that 6-digit verification thing for months. I explain it, get what looks like a generic copy/paste or automated response that does not address the issue, I respond back saying that wasn’t it and explain it again, then get NO response back, but do get a response back with a survey on how they did. Needless to say I was not satisfied and explained it in a civil way. No response back from them for that either. They used to handle stuff like that so well way back. Like, I remember when The Speed Gamers migrated from Ustream back to Twitch that they were having layout trouble during one of their charity streams in that what they wanted to incorporate on their page couldn’t be done, so they messaged Twitch staff about it and they tweaked the page so they could. Stuff like that was amazing! I don’t see things like that happen anymore.

When finally being able to log in, I’ve noticed that oftentimes my status is set to “offline” when I always have it set to “online”. Alternately I have seen friend’s statuses going to idle despite them being active on the site. So that status part of the site is entirely borked. Moving on to other topics...

I think users knew when they implemented Audible Magic (basically Content ID for Twitch, automatically hitting videos) and played it off as a benefit to streamers so they can remove copyrighted music in their videos that it was going to go downhill. Remember that a lot of people went from Youtube to Twitch (Or Justin.tv) BECAUSE they were tired of Youtube’s horrible automated systems. Add automation in the mix and, well... it indeed went downhill.

Twitch is clearly inconsistent in their moderation now too. There was this one girl who frustratedly threw her cat behind her on stream and nothing came of it. But on the other hand, there was a girl who got banned for apparent dog yelps off camera with her being there, stating the ban was for animal abuse. Story: https://www.dexerto.com/entertainment/twitch-streamer-furious-over-animal-abuse-ban-amid-alinity-controversy-1296710 Many’ more examples like that out there on various topics.

Also, ever since they implemented automatic moderation of words in chat, there has been a ridiculous amount of people punished for innocent things (you can briefly read what they post before it gets removed from view or use a browser extension to reveal them) because it can’t tell context. At least streamers can turn that off, but it was set to on by default which caused a lot of issues. Still’ does when people have it on as not everyone turned it off.

Streams have been getting very bad audio glitches for me in that they will get more and more distorted until I pause then play the stream. On top of that, the chat will stop scrolling with new messages at times, forcing me to scroll it down manually. With both of these, it’s like having to maintain two fronts while trying to interact. Not fun.

Speaking of trying to interact, ever since they implemented that stream delay of like 20 seconds to cheap on the servers, it has not been the same anyway. They eventually implemented a “low latency” thing which yields faster delivery at the cost of possibly buffering a lot, but it’s still longer than the 2-3 seconds it used to be. Just imagine trying to converse with someone face to face and they respond 20 seconds later first. It’s the most awkward thing to keep track of. (Smashcast doesn’t have that. Just’ saying...) It can be even worse if the stream player itself gets an error and you have to refresh, which does happen fairly often. Making you possibly miss the point the streamer talked to you. Trying to sort it out then just stalls the whole thing because they have to readdress you if you mention it to them which backlogs them responding to others and etc...

For the videos on demand (VOD) themselves, playback is often glitchy as errors happen midway through, they don’t play at all and seeking to a certain part is often very difficult as it doesn’t go where you click. Heck, I heard from others that sometimes you can’t even PAUSE a VOD as that functionality is glitched out. But pausing works fine for me. Why is that? Who knows.

Live streams aren’t much better as they have their own issues. I often get errors and have to refresh the page to get it to run again. Even when not getting an error, I noticed that I’m served a slightly-slower stream than others seem to get. So I have to pause then unpause the video every so often to get it to jump back ahead to the closest point I can see. Part of me wonders if the error and slightly slower stream are related, but don’t hold me to that. I have a good internet connection too.

Twitch streams also get deleted nowadays unless set up to into highlights. Given that many weren’t aware this happened before it was too late (you only had 14 days to save them if not a turbo/prime member and 60 if you are), a TON of content got lost. People argued that it’s to save money because of the hosting costs of video data being large. So rather than streams just being automatically turned into highlights as a precautionary measure, they just let them get wiped because they didn’t care. I’m not entirely sure about that “because” you can save streams to highlights as mentioned. So it’s just going to fill back up again since people now know of it, if not already has filled back up.

Twitch also got rid of PMs so past conversations you might have wanted to look back on or had to catch up on as a backlog were lost. You can do the same sort of thing in whispers if a person allows it in their settings, but what’s the point of getting rid of PMs?... Text is text regardless of where it’s located. This was one of those sorts of changes that I can’t figure out. I “thought” maybe they wanted to unify a private place to talk since both existed at once time, but why not just move the conversation to the other or not have both at the same time to begin with?

Another thing they get rid of for no reason is email notifications to streams you follow. They “say” if you don’t watch a stream for a while they’ll turn off email alerts to it. Which makes sense to not fill up someone’s inbox. Imagine for instance they stream 30 days straight and you don’t go to any of them as sort of a break. That’s 30 emails that are useless to you. Except it doesn’t work. Even streams I watched regular like Bob Ross got email alerts disabled. You can tell that they keep track of when you click an Email link to someone’s stream too because in the URL you’ll notice it recognizes you came from the Email. So there’s no excuse. Oh and there’s no way to toggle that automated disabling of alerts to off as far as I’m aware. So you just have to deal with it. At least they do seem to be consistent about telling you when it does turn off email alerts, but get ready to enter that 6-digit login code just to fix the alerts regardless if the person is streaming or not.

After the Amazon buyout, eventually they started pushing Twitch Prime as well, basically another paid subscription thing like Turbo, only with Amazon benefits added on it. But all the things they push as “prime loot” are complete garbage. Stuff like Raid: Shadow Legends which is hardly a “game”. What made them even think a community of gamers would be into that? Well, maybe they did realize that, but did it anyway as a business partnership for the moolah.

I get the feeling that business partnerships are what’s going on with all the Valorant stuff popping up as well. Only with streamers being able to take advantage of it. For example: People found out to try the game, they need to watch any Valorant stream with drops enabled for a for 2 hours. That lead to people going to streams just for that invite. Many people. Artificial-inflation amounts of people that encourage people to stream it for said numbers and Twitch recommending channels playing it like mad to people, lol! So yeah, I’d be very surprised if it wasn’t a business partnership.

You can find many more examples out there of people may or may not having a bug for things, but this should be enough to explain that Twitch is a complete mess. Every single aspect of it. It’s in a state like Youtube where everything is broke and they are ignoring users who message them telling about bugs (which they claim they encourage people to do and they listen to) or maybe are just unwilling to fix any of them even if they know about them. Who knows because they don’t communicate like they used to.

Your thoughts?

Thanks for reading and have a good one!

2 notes · View notes

rose-colored-oblivion · 5 years

Text

Daily Log XX/XX/XX

Due to unforeseen reasons (and also because I am an absolute WRECK of a anxiety-ridden crackhead),

I’ve chosen to start doing daily logs of my life from now on. Now, I’m not saying I’m gonna do a daily log like... DAILY but like maybe every other day. when I feel like it. When I need to vent. maybe just when I’m losing my mind idk. but it’s not like anyone is following this account of mine, at least I don’t know if real people do, no one messages me on here anyways and maybe its better that way. I’ve never shown my identity on here or any way to show who I am so the certain amount of anonymity on here is really nice and refreshing.

Being able to write, without an audience, without anyone knowing who I am, that this is how I really feel, that I am a mess, and yet

still feeling like maybe someone will see my post, this log, and maybe feel a certain amount of relatability to it. and maybe, just maybe,in that moment, I feel that

I’m not entirely alone.

especially in my own head. maybe I am not the only one in this lonely little world of mine. I might be the writer of this story, but I don’t have to be the only reader to the characters and the thoughts and the emotions that swell through the pages. I don’t have to be the only who wades through the murky waters that is my thoughts, that is my life. maybe someone else also feels these ways? I mean, I know that no one else can live the exact same life as I do but maybe someone else can feel these emotions with me. I mean, these emotions and these thoughts are horrible and I wouldn’t want to force them on anyone, but if anyone else also feels these things maybe we can share the burden of them I guess?

I don’t know I’m just rambling on to an empty audience. An opera singer alone on the stage singing to a theater filled with empty seats. well, if anything happens to me one day, or if anyone ever reads these, or maybe if one day I don’t always feel this way I can look at these again. Maybe they won’t feel as bad, or maybe they wont feel as heavy, or maybe I can look at them and think that I have finally made sense of this mess. I don’t know but hopefully the most latter is the case. that would be nice.

well, at the very least I promise to be abashedly honest and if I ever say anything (though I don’t think I’ll ever have the heart or stomach to) I’ll make sure to put if a trigger warning if I know better (forgive me if I don’t know something is a trigger).

well. I guess for now,

Sincerely,

My Rose Colored Oblivion

#inmyfeelings #writing #anxiety #dailylog

20 notes · View notes

janeofcakes · 5 years

Text

Finding John Watson: Chapter 1

**This is a working title and one I’m leaning towards. It might change.**

John’s eyes open slowly, or more like not open. The lids are heavier than he would expect.They feel like mini lead aprons over his eyes. Like the ones used to cover parts of the body not being x-rayed. The weight of them us troubling. Just how long as he been asleep?

After stopping for an angry sigh and a cursory wetting of his lips, John finally cracks his eyes open only to close them again at the blinding light. He gasps in shock and starts coughing, his throat incredibly dry. He raises his hands to cover his mouth and rub at his eyes. But nothing is touching his face, not a single fingertip. Barely staving off panic, John takes stock of himself. All of his limbs are definitely intact. He can feel all of them, but they won’t move. Not one finger or toe, not even a twitch. Something is seriously wrong.

Ready to panic now, John forces his eyes open and blinks furiously until they adjust to the dim light of the room around him. It is obviously a hospital room. The beige walls and paintings of fruit bowls and island scenes attest to that, as well as the bed and other furniture - a few wall closets, a basin, a door that is most likely the loo, and a few moderately comfortable looking chairs for visitors. The blinds over the only window are drawn and John can’t see a clock anywhere. No way to find out what time of day or night it is. He furrows his brow, considering his predicament. There could be a clock behind him, but that doesn’t help at all anyway. He can only look around the room with his eyes, after all. He tries looking back to his right as far as he can and that’s when he notices the telltale curtain that can be pulled around the bed, and when he hears the steady, if not fast, beeping of a heart monitor.

Taking in all of this is a second or two, John casts his eyes down his own body and finds everything definitely intact. He can see that easily, even with his lower half covered by sheets and blankets. His upper half is not covered, his arms look far paler and smaller around than he has ever seen them. He looks at them more closely as he tries to move, not missing his inability to move his own head as he does it. The head of the bed is angled upward so he is sitting up a bit and thank god for that. It is the only reason he can see any of his own body.

He strains his muscles and screws up his face in concentration, biting his lip as he raises his head off the pillow, even if only a fraction. He watches as he tries to move his toes and fingers, but nothing happens. Dropping his head back in frustration, John lets out a loud sigh and tries not to scream. He wets his lips, lifts his head in determination, and tries again. This time, after what seems like days, his fingers twitch and his toes wiggle ever so slightly. He drops his head back on the pillow and lets out a few heavy breaths. John squeezes his eyes shut as he pants into the quiet room and tries not to panic.

What the fuck? What the hell happened to me?

He tries to remember, but he can’t. And that’s when John realizes he can’t remember anything. Not a thing. Who is he? How did he get here? Where is he? What the fuck happened to him?

Suddenly John hears the click of a doorknob and his eyes dart to the room’s entrance. A woman in her early thirties pops in, her brown eyes locked on his and she stops for a second before moving into the room. She closes the door behind and walks to his side silently. She is about five five and pale. Her dark brown curls bounce a little as she walks and John finds it familiar, comforting. He instantly feels he can trust her, though he doesn’t know why. He watches he with intrigue and she smiles.

“Hello. It’s so good to see you awake,” her voice is warm and flows easily from her lips. She isn’t whispering, but her tone is quiet as though wanting to spare him any loud noise. She pulls an ear thermometer from a wheeled cabinet near the bed. “My name’s Eileen. I’m your nurse. Can I take your temperature?”

Eileen. Why does that sound so familiar?

John nods, his chin moving minutely, but it’s enough and her eyes brighten. Passed his first test - comprehension. She gently places the device in his ear and he hears it beep. She removes it and records it in a logbook lying on top of the mobile cabinet. A logbook. Now that is telling. They only use a logbook for long-term cases these days. John furrows his brows. How could he possibly know that?

“I’m going to take your blood pressure, okay?”

John’s chin dips again ever so slightly, but a little more than the first time. Smiling again, she does it by hand and he watches her write the result in the book. She counts his pulse for a minute and records his heart rate. She looks at various monitors and enters their readings into the logbook, and then everything into a laptop on a counter nearby. Two copies. A paper one to refer to without logging in, something to be seen quickly.

The fingers of John’s left hand tingle and twitch, wishing they could hold that book and flip through its pages, see how far back it goes. It is the smallest of movements, but it’s enough to tell John that he will be moving again in time. However, he will be in physical therapy for a long while, if his arms are any indication. He needs to rebuild the muscle, reclaim his fine motor skills, walk again.

John’s thoughts cease abruptly. How does he know all this?

“Sorry about that. Just some things I need to take care of. Housekeeping,” Eileen jokes kindly. His lips start to move, to form words, and she pauses. “Are you okay? Do you have any pain?”

“Nnnnno,” he can barely be heard, even in the quiet room. He cringes and swallows, trying to create some moisture in his mouth and throat. As if reading his expression, Eileen moves closer and touches his hand lightly.

“You have an NG tube in your nose. Do you think you can drink water okay?”

John tries to say yes, but only mouths the word. The nurse nods at him with a tender smile and steps over to the bank of closets. She opens one to reveal a small refrigerator and removes a bottle of water. As she pours some in a plastic cup, John considers this new information. This is not a normal hospital. Individual rooms in ordinary hospitals do not have closets that hide their own mini-fridges.

“Here you are,” the nurse holds the cup and straw close. “Ready? Go slowly now.”

John sucks on the straw when it hits his lips and, oh my god, the ice cold water feels heavenly in his warm mouth. It flows gloriously down his throat as he swallows, feeling renewed and refreshed. Even when she takes away the cup, saying it won’t do for him to drink too much all at once, he sighs contentedly. He focuses his deep blue eyes on her when she turns back to him and speaks before he has a chance to try.

“I know you have a lot of questions and I’ll answer as many as I can, but I need to ask you some things first. Will you answer my questions?”

“Yes,” John’s voice is full of gravel and still very quiet, but he can tell the water has already helped and it will get better as time goes on.

“Perfect,” Eileen smiles. She touches his arms and hands, legs and toes asking each time if he can push against her hands or resist when she pulls. He tries as best he can and confirms that he can certainly feel her touch, but can do little else. She asks if he can tell whether or not his muscles are contracting or trying to move and he says yes. Not unexpectedly, this news pleases her. She takes a moment to explain that he is on IV fluids with nutrients in addition to the NG tube. He also has bags providing various medications, all of which she explains.

John listens intently and suddenly it strikes him that not only does he understand everything she tells him, but he knows what everything is and what it does before she says it. Based upon all the information she has given him, he has definitely been in this room for quite some time. But exactly how long and how does he know so much about medicine? Who has kept his muscle from wasting away completely and who has been shaving his face, cutting his hair? Eileen, presumably. How long has she been such a lifeline to him?

“How do you feel? Do you understand all I’ve told you?”

“Yes.”

“Good, good. That’s perfect,” she smiles again. She smiles a lot. ”Now I have some questions. Are you okay to answer them?”

“Yes,” John nods, noticing his head moved a little more this time. A warm tingle of excitement and adrenaline rushes through his body from head to toe. A corner of his mouth turns up.

“Good, good. Just let me know if you need to stop.”

“Okay.”

“Can you tell me your name?”

John looks at her blankly.

No. I have no idea.

Not ready to say those words aloud, John inhales deeply and closes his eyes. He tries to concentrate, tries to look inside his own mind for the answers. He once heard someone talk about turning his mind into a house. No, not a house, a palace. Suddenly he can hear a deep voice, absolutely delicious in timbre, telling John exactly how he does it. The rich and silky baritone explains dividing his mind into wings and rooms, putting information and people and events in the different places so he never forgets anything and can access it whenever he needs it.

Who are you? Are you real?

John looks into his own memory and tries to find rooms, tries to find anything. He can’t find enough to habitat wings and what he does find is hidden by panes of black glass. He tries to open one of them, certain that all the answers are hidden behind these panes of glass, but it will not budge. John hears Eileen’s voice asking him if he is all right. He takes a moment before opening his eyes. Eileen. Eileen. Why is that so familiar? And the dark curls, the pale skin…

A pane of glass nearby shatters without warning, startling John enough to open his eyes and gasp. Eileen’s eyes are wide with worry and she is leaning toward him, a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you all right? Are you in pain?” her voice is tense, but steady. John actually, shockingly turns his head to the left about an inch to look at her.

”John,” he rasps. The name behind the glass is his. He knows it’s his, but that is all he found.

“Yes, Yes, that’s good. Can you tell me your surname?” Eileen’s tone brightens and she straightens her posture again. John pauses and tries to think, to remember.

“No.”

“That’s okay. Totally okay,” she assures him. “It’s to be expected with a head injury. It’ll take some time to come back.

“What?” John tries to ask a full question, but can’t get all the words to come. He had surmised as much, but confirmation of a head injury is still welcome and key. Well, as welcome as that news can be. John wants to know more. He has to figure out what happened to him and who he is. “How. How did…”

“I know you have a lot of questions, John,” Eileen tells him sympathetically when he can’t finish the sentence, “but your doctor really should be the one to answer them.”

Doctor!

A piece of the puzzle emerges from the fog left behind the broken pane, behind his name. John is a doctor. It explains why he knows so much about medicine and hospital procedure. He fixes Eileen with a determined expression.

“Doctor.”

“Yes, your doctor’s name is Madison Hoover,” she tells him. “She’ll be able to tell you more when she comes for rounds in a few hours.”

“I’m a doctor,” John manages.

“Yes, you are. That’s wonderful, John. You see? It’s starting to come back already. It won’t be long now.”

John closes his eyes and another dark pane of glass shatters. The face of a young woman becomes clear.

“Molly Hooper,” John exclaims in a hushed and still rough tone as he looks at the nurse, who shakes her head.

“Hoover. Madison Hoover. She’ll see you as soon as rounds begin. I guarantee it. She’s been on your case from the start.”

“How long?” John asks in a whisper, but he can see immediately that the nurse is uncomfortable answering anymore questions. He will have to deduce it for himself. Deduce? Who has said that before? Yes, John, I deduced it.

“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you do need your rest and it’s very early. Rounds aren’t for hours,” Eileen lets him have another drink of water. John’s lips curl up contentedly once he is finished and she puts the cup on the side table.

He has so many questions and concerns, but the cold water on his throat is like a magical relaxant and he actually does feel sleepy. In spite of this, John has absolutely no intention of sleeping. He has his own plans to find the answers to his questions. Strangely, he feels almost excited. It’s like a mystery that he must solve. Why does he feel like he has done that before? Not once, but many times over.

But not alone. I wasn’t alone.

“Try to sleep, John,” Eileen touches his hand gently. “I’ll be back in a bit to check on you.”

John nods, his head moving more than the previous times, and he thanks her. She smiles, goes to the door, and slips out.

**And that’s the first chapter. I’d love to know what y’all think and hope you enjoyed it. There’s more to come!**

@whodwantmeasaflatmate @swissmissing

#Sherlock #Sherlock Holmes #sherlockholmes #john watson #johnwatson #johnlock #season 4 #s4 fix

112 notes · View notes

commentaryvorg · 5 years

Text

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 4.12

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time in trial 4 (trial 4!!), Kaito’s increasingly desperate attempts to be helpful were wrong again, Gonta was still trying his hardest in the background to keep up with what was going on, Kokichi would not stop subtly jabbing at Kaito’s jealousy of Shuichi oh my god (and it was great), and Shuichi did indeed singlehandedly save everyone by… taking frustratingly long to figure out the nature of the Virtual World and deducing it all in a backwards order that made no sense.

But he did figure it out in the end, somehow, so we’re starting from the intermission and moving onto discovering who used Miu’s plan against her for murder.

Kaito: “More importantly… let’s continue the conversation where we left off.”

Kaito is once again doing his thing of trying to guide the conversation, getting everyone on the same page and knowing where they’re heading next. It’s the best kind of contributions he can give in trials since he’s not great at the deductions themselves (and since Shuichi apparently doesn’t need his encouragement any more). Even though he’s also been trying too hard to prove he totally is good at deductions this trial, at least he still realises he can do this.

Kokichi: “And in order to figure that out, we need to understand Miu’s actions… So, let’s discuss her murder scheme step-by-step!”

Kaito: “I know that’s important, but hearing you lead the conversation really pisses me off.”

…But then Kokichi happens to be trying to even take that away from Kaito here, and is doing it better than him because he’s mentioning more specific things that they need to discuss, and Kaito is Not Happy about that.

(I imagine it would also bother Kaito a little bit if Shuichi were the one to be leading the conversation here, but there’s no way he would ever admit to that. At least Kokichi is a target at which he can openly vent his frustrations about everything he’s been made to feel lately.)

Kokichi: “Let’s see, Miu manipulated the Virtual World to use it as part of her murder plan…”

Kaito: “Don’t just ignore me and start anyway…”

Kokichi: “If she had succeeded, she would’ve gone past the wall between the chapel and the mansion…”

And then Kokichi knows exactly how to continue to get under Kaito’s skin – by completely ignoring him like he’s insignificant. All of the times he did the thing by praising Shuichi while not even mentioning Kaito at all were perhaps arguably a better way of doing so than the times he did mention Kaito – because Kaito is so unimportant that he’s not even worthy of mention, right?

Kokichi: “…Then secretly passed through the wall she installed and took advantage of the loop. […] Oh yeah… Kaito was probably logged out around that time, too.”

If Miu had any sense, she’d have logged Kaito out before walking through the wall to remove the chance of him seeing her on the mansion side. (Especially since she did end up getting seen on that side by Tsumugi and, as it turns out, also Gonta.)

Himiko: “She was smart… But she was also really, really dumb.”

This is a very good way of summing it up. Miu had the creative, technological kind of smarts to make inventions and come up with this plan, sure, but in almost every other way she was a gigantic idiot. Especially when it came to interpersonal intelligence. All of the mistakes that led to her plan failing, or to the fact that she would inevitably have been found out even if she’d succeeded in killing Kokichi, were down to her massively misunderstanding the people involved. She was completely oblivious to the fact that obviously Kokichi never really trusted her enough to walk into her trap, and that obviously Kaito is not the sort of person to commit murder and no-one would be willing to believe that, and that obviously Shuichi was going to figure out everything in the trial especially if the scapegoat was Kaito.

Gonta: “N-No say such mean things. Killing game bad, not Miu. Miu not bad person. Gonta think we coulda been friends, if things different.”

Aww, Gonta. I get what he’s trying to say – it was only the killing game that drove Miu to murder and she wasn’t inherently a bad person. But she was still incredibly self-absorbed and unpleasant to be around and nobody would have wanted to be around her if they weren’t trapped in a school with her. Sorry, Gonta.

Kaito: “But how did the culprit send Miu’s avatar through the wall? I mean, it’s not like they coulda thrown her.”

Gonta: “Gonta not throw her!”

It’s okay, Gonta, nobody is around any more to be a dick about you throwing dead bodies just because you’re strong, you don’t need to jump to defend yourself on that matter.

(…even though it… actually is pretty close to what happened.)

Gonta: “Physical strength… equalized? That problem! Gonta no can protect everyone if that happens!”

Another big hint at what’s really going on. He had pretty much this exact reaction in the Virtual World when he first heard about this, and yet here he is, having it again as if he’s only just hearing this now for the first time. Gonta may be slow to pick up on things, but he’s not forgetful like this.

Himiko: “Geez, keep up with us.”

But everyone else basically is just putting a blanket judgement of “stupid” on Gonta and assuming that justifies him being forgetful too.

Shuichi: “I think the sound came from Miu’s avatar hitting the chapel wall… The hammer, cell phone and lattice were there, but they were too small to make that noise.”

This is Shuichi’s answer to a multiple choice question in which you’re meant to state which out of Miu or the three objects around her hit the wall to make the loud sound. Which is pretty silly, because all four of those things hit the wall; does it really matter which of them was the one that was big enough to make a noise when it did so?

Kokichi: “But why did it hit the wall with such force? Can you guys figure it out?”

Kaito: “Hold on, Kokichi. What’s up with the way you’re talkin’? Why are you talking like you know everything?”

Kaito’s intuition strikes again! …Okay, to be fair, in this particular instance it definitely does not take an Official Luminary of the Stars Hunch™ to realise that Kokichi has clearly been talking like he already knows exactly what happened (and Gonta also noticed a similar thing from Kokichi last post), but still, this is Kaito doing one of the things he does best in trials and it deserves to be pointed out.

Kokichi: “More importantly, we gotta solve the mystery! Fighting among friends is a waste of time.”

Kaito: “‘Friends’? Us?”

And this is Kokichi doing his usual shtick of giving empty words about teamwork and co-operation to try and make everyone else’s words along similar lines sound just as empty.

Honestly, Kokichi, you had an opportunity right there to yet again make a point of how only Shuichi can solve this mystery, and you didn’t? At least jabbing at Kaito’s jealousy is a recent thing that makes a refreshing change from what you’ve been doing non-stop for the previous three chapters, come on.

Kokichi: “Hey, Shuichi… As your partner, I’ll give you a little hint.”

Shuichi: “…You’ll what?”

Kokichi: “Since the mansion was on top of a hill, the roof was pretty high up, right? Past the brick handrail, the roof was at a pretty steep slope. And the slope faced the chapel wall. On top of that, there was snow on the roof. If the culprit needed force to move the body, I wonder how they did it?”

That’s barely a “hint” so much as it’s just a lengthy description of the roof, including the brick handrail that Kokichi couldn’t possibly have seen unless he’d been there, thus proving his earlier claim of not having gone there to be a lie. Which, considering Shuichi has perfectly well seen the roof himself and doesn’t need this description, really seems more to me like Kokichi is deliberately trying to give Shuichi the ammo to prove that he’s been up there.

(also, again, fuck off Kokichi, “partners” don’t withhold the things they know like this. What you’re doing with Shuichi right now is not “working together” with him, it’s patronising him.)

Shuichi: (Kokichi’s talking as if he’s got the whole thing figured out already… But I can’t let him distract me. I need to solve this case.)

That’s not a “distraction”, Shuichi! Kokichi’s jabs at Kaito last time were one thing, but the fact that Kokichi clearly already knows how the body was moved is a meaningful point related to the case that should be included in your deductions and not just disregarded! Turn down that Ultimate Detective tunnel vision just a little.

Kaito: “Nah, man. Even with the slope and the snow, Miu’s body wouldn’t have slid—”

Kokichi: “Wrong. It would slide.”

Kaito tries contributing an actual idea again – one which is perfectly reasonable given that he hasn’t figured out there was anything that could have been used as a sled – and Kokichi just immediately cuts him off and tells him he’s wrong without actually telling him why. (Because he’s leaving the “why” part for Shuichi to figure out.)

Kokichi: “Non, non! It would slide!”

Kaito: “It wouldn’t slide! Just like Maki Roll said!”

Kokichi: “It would slide! Just like Shumai said!”

Children. Calm down.

Gonta: “Lots of snow piled up on roof… but not frozen solid, right?”

(Gonta is still trying to make sure he’s got a good mental image of everything they’re talking about so that he can help!)

Kokichi: “You just need a sled or skis to cut the friction!”

Kaito: “There was nothing like that around, though!”

Kaito Refutations: 3!

It’s pretty notable here that the game makes you refute Kaito and not agree with Kokichi when it would also have made perfect sense to put an agree spot on Kokichi’s statement there. The writers don’t just want to make this part about Shuichi having to seemingly be on Kokichi’s side, they want to make it about him seemingly not being on Kaito’s side as well.

It’s also… questionable that Kaito makes this claim in the first place. He searched the rooftop before the murder and then investigated the chapel after; he should know that the lattice was there. Clearly he never figured it was used as a sled during the investigation, but it shouldn’t be too hard to piece it together now. So apparently Kaito doesn’t want to try and piece it together because he’s annoyed at Kokichi having butted in and called him wrong and argued with him about this and he just wants to be right about something for once, dammit.

Kokichi is still not praising Shuichi about how brilliant he is for having figured out the sled thing and I am very disappointed in him. Or rather, I’m disappointed in the out-universe writers for not continuing with the subtle jabbing at Kaito’s issues that I was greatly enjoying last time and see no reason not to continue with here. Especially since this time Shuichi figured out the truth while directly refuting Kaito! That’d be the perfect opportunity for it!

Not that Kokichi hasn’t still been getting under Kaito’s skin plenty in other ways, but, like, The Thing! I miss The Thing and its delightful subtlety.

Kokichi: “Also, I never went to the roof, not even for the meeting.”

…

Kokichi: “It all began when Miu showed us the map.”

…

Kokichi: “That’s probably what happened. The culprit killed her on the locked roof.”

The game makes you do a Mind Mine to select which of these three past statements of Kokichi’s was a lie. For one thing, this is a really weird excuse for a Mind Mine because that’s supposed to be about images, but the much sillier thing about it is the three statements it makes you choose from. The two incorrect options here are just Kokichi stating assumptions about what happened in the case and therefore can’t even be lies. Only one of them is an actual testimony about something he did that he therefore could have lied about! It could kind of be a fun puzzle to be shown multiple statements Kokichi made about his actions and have to figure out which one of them you can prove to be a lie. But the way this is, you don’t even need to remember the information that proves he did go to the roof in order to know that that’s the only statement that can even be false.

(also noooo Mind Mine has four colours now; I get really addicted to the version in the casino with only three colours, but the hardest difficulty adds a fourth colour which makes it way too easy to mess up and therefore not as fun any more. Not that the trial version is as fun anyway since you can just break the single pieces which means there’s no incentive to think about things, but.)

So anyway, Kokichi’s lengthy description of the roof, particularly the part about the brick handrail, is what proves he was lying about never going there.

Kokichi: “I-I-I… d-didn’t… I already t-told you that b-before…”

Gonta: “Why you look so nervous?”

Keebo: “Is this a sincere reaction?”

It’s not, of course. But the thing is, Kokichi has never had this specific kind of reaction before, so it actually seems a little bit more plausible than it usually does that this could be genuine and this is what he sounds like when he’s truly been caught out. What I would want to say Kokichi is doing here is that he’s trying to make it seem like he genuinely has been caught out – because if he really wanted the mercy kill outcome, then the best way to do so would be to have everyone eventually decide he did it, but for him to put up enough resistance to it that it seems like this isn’t the outcome he wants.

Of course, since Kokichi really doesn’t want the mercy kill outcome at all because he’s been gradually sabotaging it this whole time by being helpful and is shortly going to completely shatter it with his own two hands, I don’t quite understand why he’s bothering to act this way. For fun, I guess.

Kokichi: “Oh, wait! I remember now! That thing Himiko said!”

Himiko: “Nyeh!? M-Me!?”

Kokichi: “At the start of the class trial, I remember you saying the handrail was made of bricks.”

To anyone who’s uncertain, nope, Himiko very definitely didn’t say that. I’d have pointed it out if it’d been there.

Kokichi: “Gotta be more careful there, Himiko!”

Himiko: “I-Is it my fault…?”

No, Himiko, because you didn’t say it! Stand up for your own actions more! Be more sure of yourself!

Gonta: “Himiko really say that?”

But here’s Gonta – who’s the worst at being sure of himself and would definitely have doubted his own actions if he’d been the one in Himiko’s position right now – being pretty damn sure she didn’t say that. Like I’ve been saying, he’s confused as hell about the Virtual World, but he’s still been paying attention to everyone around him. And especially because his only source of information for what the Virtual World is like has been the descriptions people have given of it, he would know that he didn’t picture that roof as having a brick handrail until Kokichi said so.

Kokichi: “She tooootally said that!”

Kaito: “No she didn’t!”

Kokichi: “Yes, she did!”

Kaito: “She did not!”

Kokichi: “She did too!”

Kaito: “Then when!? Tell me how long ago! In hours, minutes and seconds!”

Whoa, geez, again, children. Kaito just really wants to be right about something – which he is this time, but unfortunately this one is basically impossible to conclusively prove.

(I suppose Keebo’s recording function wouldn’t help much either, because to prove Himiko didn’t say a thing would require listening to the entire trial up to this point.)

Maki: “How much longer are you going to behave like this?”

And in comes the Ultimate Child Caregiver to break up the argument. Seems appropriate.

Shuichi starts to think as if this isn’t enough to prove that Kokichi went to the roof, but the thing is, it kind of is. This isn’t like an Ace Attorney trial where conclusive evidence is necessary. The only thing that’s necessary here is to convince everyone else – and everyone else is pretty damn sure that Himiko did not say that and Kokichi is lying through his teeth right now. No matter how stubborn Kokichi decides to be, it won’t change that fact. If he wanted, Shuichi could just continue the discussion all like, “Okay, so we all agree Kokichi went to the roof, right? Which means…” and completely ignore Kokichi’s obviously-lying protests that he didn’t, and there’d be nothing Kokichi could do to stop them.

Shuichi: (But if he’s being this stubborn, it makes me think he has something to hide. To get him to show his hand, I have to prove he was on the roof.)

This reasoning does kind of make sense, though. Shuichi wants Kokichi to tell everyone whatever it is that he’s hiding instead of having to painstakingly try and figure it out himself (which he could still do, if he thought about it and realised that oh wait, Kokichi couldn’t physically touch Miu could he). So he wants to force Kokichi out of the “la la la I can’t hear you” state he’s in and get him to stop messing around.

Kaito: “I’ve had enough of your lies, man!”

Kokichi: “I’m not lying!”

“Are you done arguing yet?”

Heh, Maki’s still trying to play child caregiver here.

Kokichi: “I didn’t go to the roof!”

“Just fess up already!”

…

Kokichi: “The rooftop door was locked and I couldn’t open it!”

“That’s enough lies!��

And Kaito is still furiously trying to get Kokichi to confess even in the white noise.

(Trying to get Kokichi to confess is also Shuichi’s goal during this debate – he just has a rather cleverer way of going about it than simply yelling at him and hoping it’ll work.)

Kaito: “Liars burn in hell, y’know?”

Kaito. Calm down and think for a second about what you’re saying there.

His thing two parts ago in which he denounced specific kinds of lies that Kokichi tells was not that hypocritical, because Kaito genuinely never tells the kind of lie he was talking about there. But this is just referring to any lying, and… yeah, you’ve been telling a few lies of your own lately, Kaito. Not to mention the lie he and Shuichi told to protect Maki back in trial 2.

(Still, he’s saying this here because he’s riled up. This is very much not a properly-thought-out statement of his principles.)

Shuichi lies about having been to the salon and not seen Kokichi in there, which kiiiinda begs the usual “why didn’t you mention this sooner” question that a lot of this game’s required lies have. No-one points that out, though.

Kokichi: “I see… You use underhanded tactics too. Huh, Shuichi?”

Kokichi, you are the one who was baiting him into lying about this when you discussed during the investigation how there were no witnesses to prove you were or weren’t in the salon. You have no right to be calling him out on doing exactly what you wanted him to do.

Kokichi: “So, who are you guys gonna believe? Shuichi… or me?”

This is a misleading false dichotomy. He’s presenting it like one of the two of them must be telling the truth and that therefore if Shuichi is lying that means Kokichi definitely isn’t, which of course is not the case.

Kaito: “Well of course I’m gonna believe Shuichi!”

Keebo: “I believe Shuichi 100%!”

Maki: “The one who’s not Kokichi.”

I love Maki’s response here. To everyone else, it’s more about how much they believe in Shuichi, but Maki, while she of course does also believe in Shuichi, doesn’t care that it’s specifically him and would rather make a point of how she’d believe anyone over Kokichi. Maki is so blunt and it’s great.

Tsumugi: “But to go to the salon, Shuichi would need to pass by me in the dining room… Umm… I wonder why I didn’t notice Shuichi there…”

Shuichi: “…”

Tsumugi: “Oh well. I’ll believe Shuichi anyway. He’s usually right about stuff.”

And here’s a delightful little hint towards the mastermind’s identity! Tsumugi is only pretending to be confused and vague and really knows full well that Shuichi must be lying. She lets it slide because this situation that’s playing out is an interesting story, and she’d rather see where it goes than just cut Shuichi off and go back to the stalemate things were at before.

I actually caught on my first time through just how suspicious Tsumugi is acting here – there’s something different about her voice that made me suddenly feel, at least in this moment, that her vagueness was just an act and she was a lot more cunning than she seemed. Even if she is genuinely just doing this because she knows Shuichi is onto something and doesn’t want to get in the way, her going about it this underhandedly reveals a side to her that’s completely different from the person she usually seems to be.

At the time, though, I just thought this was a hint that she’d killed Miu (my brain went on to make up something about how the sled had a delayed-release mechanism so she could fake her alibi with Shuichi, despite there being zero evidence for such a thing). When this case was over and that was wrong I temporarily forgot about this bit and only remembered again during chapter 6 once I realised she was in fact the mastermind, but I am still proud of myself for sort of noticing it here.

Also, this behaviour from Tsumugi is in fact very Kokichi-like. The whole “that’s weird but I guess Shuichi wouldn’t lie to us right” with the subtext of “I totally know you’re lying and just don’t want to bring it up” is precisely the kind of thing Kokichi has done multiple times. You’d think that if anyone could pick up on this clue to the mastermind’s identity, it’d be Kokichi. If he truly cared about figuring out who the mastermind is, I feel like he’d be paying enough attention to the others’ behaviour to notice this. But apparently not; he’s too wrapped up in his own plan which doesn’t actually require him to know who the mastermind is in order to “defeat” them.

Gonta: “Sorry, but… Gonta believe Shuichi, too.”

Kokichi: “Ah, I see… I wanted at least Gonta to believe me…”

I went over this before when a similar thing happened: this is Kokichi hinting at him and Gonta being in on this together, but if Gonta really did remember then it would help their cause for him to act like he thinks Kokichi did it. Stop being an unnecessary dick, Kokichi, that’s all you’re doing here.

Kokichi: “Why do you guys hate lies that much?”

…Nobody ever really said they did. Nobody other than Kaito, who hates a specific flavour of lying and has already made his stance on that apparent – but he clearly doesn’t hate all kinds of lies, for obvious reasons. The other people Kokichi is saying this to include Shuichi, who has lied multiple times to try and reach the truth and Kokichi has been aware of every instance of that, Maki, who lied about her talent in order to protect herself, and Himiko, whose entire talent involves lying to make things more entertaining and fun for people. (And Tsumugi, who is constantly lying through her teeth, but that one Kokichi isn’t aware of.)

Kokichi: “There’s only one truth, but endless possibilities for lies, y’know?”

So here he’s basically trying to say that the infinite possibilities of lies are more interesting and fun than the singular truth, and I can see where he’s coming from, since that’s the point of fiction. But that kind of lie is harmless because people know they’re really lies and just choose to pretend to believe and invest in them anyway because that’s more fun. That’s why Himiko keeps insisting her magic is real. That’s why Kaito pretends his childhood games were real, and why he wanted to buy into Himiko’s magic – until people’s lives started riding on knowing the truth, that is.

Kokichi: “And some of them are only white lies, or lies to be kind to people…”

Like the lies Kaito has been telling to hide his illness. Like the lies Shuichi has told in trials to protect innocent people and reach the truth.

(Also, remember Kokichi insisting back in trial 3 that you never know how malicious people’s reasons for having secrets could be and so you might as well just assume everyone’s malicious? Does he really believe it’s possible for others to lie for a good reason, or is he just saying that to justify his own constant lying?)

Kokichi: “If you deny all of that *just* because it’s a lie…”

No-one ever did. All they’re denying is your lie right now about not going to the roof, because it’s getting in the way of reaching the goddamn truth and letting all but one of us not freaking die.

Kokichi: “Then that means you guys are just terrible at being lied to! Seriously, the worst!”

Kokichi’s putting on an evil face here, like suddenly he’s happy that everyone doesn’t like lies because this lets him trick them more. Remember the most recent Monokuma Theater about how liars supposedly keep encouraging honesty so there’ll be more gullible honest people they can deceive? This kind of reminds me of that.

This is Kokichi backpedalling as usual. His speech up to this point was acting like he was upset at people hating lies (even though nobody does and he was really just throwing a tantrum because they’re refusing to believe his one extremely obstructive lie here), but now he’s turning around and claiming that actually this is fine, he’s not upset about anything at all and never was!

Kokichi: “Okay, fine! I’ll tell you if you wanna know that badly. Consider this my revenge.”

Gonta: “Revenge?”

Yeah, revenge. Aside from his massive trust issues and pathological conviction that everyone is secretly a terrible person, the other force that drives most of Kokichi’s actions in this story is his desire for petty, vindictive revenge against people he feels have wronged him in some way. That’s why he’s doing this entire elaborate scheme to eventually try and beat Monokuma at his own game, which getting Miu and Gonta killed here is only the first step in.

Kokichi: “You got some balls lying to me. I’m gonna take away your fun for pissing me off, Shuichi. I won’t let you do any detective work, or deduction, or mystery solving, or anything!”

Shuichi was never here to have fun, you moron. He doesn’t care if you solve the mystery for him just so long as it’s the truth and therefore the maximum number of people can survive. You already know that he only cares about saving everyone; you’ve mentioned it before! (But of course everything’s got to be about fun, because Kokichi is obsessed with how much fun he’s very definitely totally having with this, so that must be the first thing on everyone else’s mind too, right?)

It’s also ridiculously hypocritical of him that he’s so annoyed at Shuichi lying to him. When that’s what Kokichi does all the time. When he was just claiming that lies aren’t inherently bad if they’re told for good reasons. When during previous trials he’s tried to insist that the lies he told would help to find the culprit (even though they didn’t and Shuichi is better at using lies to reach the truth than Kokichi has ever been).

But it’s not all that surprising, because it’s been a recurring idea a few times that Kokichi can’t take what he dishes out – that things are all good when he’s doing something to other people, but when someone does the same thing to him, it’s suddenly not “fun” any more. His reaction when Gonta turned the bugs against him during the Insect Meet and Greet comes to mind, for example.

So Kokichi confesses to his plan to sabotage Miu’s murder plot with his own, including his co-operation with Monokuma. It would have been appropriate if this had been the moment where Monokuma dropped the weird pretending-to-be-depressed thing he’d been doing for the first half of this trial (or, at least, it’d have made it seem like there was some actual point to that being a thing in the first place)… but actually it’s not, because he dropped that act a little earlier for the sake of doing a pointless non-sequitur bit about Sonic the Hedgehog of all things. Why.

Monokuma: “Kokichi and I had a “quid pro quo” relationship. Technically, that doesn’t violate the rules!”

Indeed, it doesn’t. The rules only state Monokuma can’t directly participate in a murder, but all he was doing here was essentially redoing this chapter’s motive presentation in a way more likely to make an interesting story, based on Kokichi’s suggestion. It could be argued that it’s unfair for him to present a motive in a way that clearly favours a specific person becoming blackened as a result – but all of the motives have done that.

Kokichi: “I told you, I’m gonna get in the way by taking away the mystery-solving fun. If I can’t win this game, then I’ll make it boring for everyone! That’s my revenge!”

Yeah, except the only people who are having fun solving the mystery right now are the audience. If you wanted to take away their fun (and they really, really should be your targets for revenge right now), then you could have, I don’t know, not created a fun mystery for them to solve in the first place? Revealing the truth here may cut short the mystery-solving, but it still gives the audience an interesting story. Nothing about what’s about to happen from here is in any way boring.

In fact, the most boring outcome possible as things stand is probably for Kokichi to insist that he did it and then for everyone except Gonta to get abruptly executed, possibly without anyone ever understanding why. That’d be a hell of a frustrating rocks-fall-(nearly)-everybody-dies ending for the audience.

(Still, while he’s going about it in a terrible way, note his focus on revenge again. That’s a major thing for him.)

Kokichi: “Well, then… The culprit is Gonta.”

So… Kokichi doesn’t want the mercy kill outcome, right? That should be self-evident, right?

If I were writing this commentary in a vacuum and had never seen any of the fandom’s thoughts on Kokichi, then I wouldn’t have even been mentioning this as we went along because it shouldn’t even be worthy of dispute, purely because of this line here. There are plenty of other parts that also support this, some of which I’ve mentioned as this case went along (he’s been deliberately leading Shuichi to the truth this whole time), some of which I brought up back when he saw the outside world (he knows it’s all a lie), and some of which will come up later. But regardless of all the other evidence, this moment alone should be more than enough to confirm it. Yet apparently there are a reasonable number of people who genuinely believe Kokichi actually wanted the mercy kill outcome, and I just… ??????????

(To be completely clear, I’m not at all upset at anyone who thinks that, just… extremely confused. I understand the desire to believe it, because it would be a pretty interesting story, but it is very clearly not the story we have here.)

I admittedly haven’t delved too deep into trying to find people’s reasons for thinking this, but there’s one argument I have seen attempting to justify this moment here. The argument is that Kokichi genuinely wanted the mercy kill up until this point, and then this was him realising that oh no, looks like it’s never going to work and Shuichi is definitely going to find the truth no matter what he does, so he might as well bail on it and move onto Plan B of pretending he’s evil so he can pretend to be the mastermind.

But if Kokichi really was going to feel and act that way, this wouldn’t be the moment to do it. Shuichi is not at all close to finding the truth right now – currently he’s zeroing in on the idea that Kokichi did it, which would be good for the plan. It’s still possible that at some point down the line Shuichi will figure out Kokichi couldn’t have murdered Miu and then use a process of elimination to point to Gonta, but that hasn’t even begun to happen yet! Now is not even remotely the time to give up! If Kokichi really, genuinely cared about protecting everyone from the despairing truth, like Gonta did so badly that he was driven to murder despite being the sweetest loveliest person ever, then there is no way he would ever give up this easily. Anyone who truly cared about this would keep on fighting for that outcome with everything they had until the last possible moment, because even the tiniest chance of success is better than the alternative.

So basically, if one does decide to take the interpretation that Kokichi cares about mercy-killing everyone to save them from the despairing truth, then he is also evidently absolutely terrible at actually following through on that desire to save everyone, because this would be him giving up not even at the first hurdle but before he’s really reached any hurdles at all.

---

[Next post]

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #chapter 4 #class trial #commentary

6 notes · View notes

tricksterpale · 5 years

Text

Llwyr and Denzel: Beautiful

Here’s a little excerpt/teaser from our Oasis story I’m writing with @condiscum <3

The Western exit of the hidden caverns the group called home truly exemplified why they called the place “the Oasis”. It was easy to believe, when they first reached the little building in the plateau that bordered the Salt Flats, that there was nothing beyond it but more endless desert. What a shock it had been when Denzel stumbled upon a second mouth to the cave system. At the time, he had simply been wandering, exploring the progression of half-furnished abandoned rooms in search of a proper place to build a workshop. But, intrigued, he had followed what looked to be natural light through the tunnels and wound up staring, open mouthed, at what he found there.

There was water. Greenery. Palm trees taller than he had ever seen. Green grass on the dunes, a clear blue sky and even clearer blue water. For some time, he simply sat there, watching the moas catch fish. Taking it all in.

Denzel had hardly been back there since he’d found it. He couldn’t find the right mind to appreciate it in full, so he had no desire to wander down half an hour of cavern rooms to see it again. However, since he had been with Llwyr, it was the only place he wanted to be. He wanted to share it with him. To explore the one sparkling fragment of true beauty in the sandy brandscarred wasteland with the person who made that wasteland feel bearable on its own.

So, now he sat with his back up against a palm, shoeless feet kicking swirls of sand in the crystal clear lagoon, Llwyr at his side, and together they watched the sun slowly descend.

Llwyr had just been cross-hatching the shadows in the sandstone boulders of his sketch, glancing up every now again to refresh his eyes. It was nearly finished now. Which was just as well. The sun was getting low on the horizon. He wouldn’t be able to continue with the light changing so rapidly.

He leaned back and brushed the shavings from the page absently, “The sun’s nearly set.” he said, “I’m losing my light.”

“Right.” Denzel agreed. He pulled his feet out of the water, curled his knees up to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them. He let himself fall the few inches to his left until he was leaning against Llwyr, staring at the sketchbook in his lap.

“It’s nice.” He said. “What else you got in there?”

Llwyr’s indigo skin was lit at once in a red glow, “Erm…” he began somewhat awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck, “This and that…You know. Things I found to be…”

He hesitated and looked down upon Denzel, “…beautiful.”

Denzel nodded even with the side of his face pressed against Llwyr’s arm. He uncurled now, reaching for the book.

“Well, I showed you mine, now you show me yours.” he said plainly, referring to the lagoon where they were sitting. If he had shared what he found most beautiful in the desert, it was only fair that Llwyr did too.

Llwyr seemed to grip the edges of his sketchbook more tightly a moment, unsure. Again, with that red glow in the creases of his bark. Up until recently, his love of Denzel had been a thing he tended to in private and held close to the chest. But who was he to deny Denzel’s request? After all, he was right.

He released his grip and lifted it into Denzel’s waiting hand.

Sitting up straighter and leaning over the book with full focus, Denzel slowly paged through.

Llwyr truly was a skilled artist. He was capable of taking even the most ordinary object and rendering it on paper in a way that made it unforgettable. While Denzel could fabricate machines from scrap, they were generally unembellished and certainly not built for aesthetic. Llwyr, on the other hand, would carve intricate detail into his physical creations. He would turn bits of log into items that were sculpture by design, yet functional in form. Whether with a pencil or chisel he would show others the world as he saw it. The ordinary became the extraordinary. The simple became the beautiful.

There were several pages of designs and patterns accompanied by drafted suggestions of their application in wood. One page that was nothing but variations of a simple floral motif, starting with a still life of the original bloom itself. Denzel thumbed to the next page, eager to see what would be depicted there only to have his heart stop.

It was him.

Him, Denzel, looking up and out of the page, staring right back.

And it wasn’t the only one. There were at least half a dozen pages in with the rest that were nothing but gestures and portraits of him. Little candid half-smiles, turning around. Denzel’s eyes, over and over, as though trying to capture them just right. Strong lighting from the side as he appeared to brush the leaves off of his forehead. Even one where he was working on a project, laser focused. His tongue was sticking out a bit.

Denzel blinked, glowing more luminously by the second as he simply beheld what was in his lap.

Things he found beautiful?

He, Denzel, was beautiful?

He didn’t know what to say, but at some point he forced himself to resume breathing. He could neither close the book nor turn the page at this point, so he just sat there, stunned and trying to process.

“You-” he stammered, finally. “I… Wow.”

Llwyr had been watching Denzel thumb through the pages with a sort of anxious anticipation. Inevitably, Denzel encountered the first page of sketches featuring himself and had paused just as Llwyr’s heart stopped. These were deeply intimate and up until now, they had been completely private. His own little oasis, just as the one they sat by. It felt then like he’d been exposed and laid bare before Denzel. His most cherished musings bled out onto the page, now on display for Denzel to see.

In a way, it was a relief. It was no longer his little secret to carry.

In another way, it was…

Well, his glow hadn’t dimmed since Denzel first reached for the book.

“Yeah…” he finally said, hands clutching his thighs tightly.

When Denzel finally found the wherewithal to look back over to Llwyr, he noticed that Llwyr was glowing just brightly as he was himself. Despite the growing realization that Llwyr must have been waiting for his reaction, even afraid of some sort of rejection, Denzel still couldn’t quite believe what was happening.

“You think… I’m… beautiful?” He asked hesitantly.

Llwyr blinked a few times. Of course Denzel was beautiful. How could that even be a question? It was plain as day for anyone to see.

The hesitation in Denzel’s voice as he had asked was telling. It left Llwyr wondering when and why Denzel had stopped believing anything but.

That would change, he thought. That had to change.

“Most ardently….” Llwyr said, looking down upon Denzel, “Yes.”

After a moment, he continued, “In ways I can only seem to scratch the surface of in these drawings.”

Somehow, the green across Denzel’s cheeks flushed even brighter, creeping up even his ears. He looked back down at his knees for a moment with a small smile.

“Thank you.” he murmured, then playfully added “You’re not so bad yourself.”

Llwyr smiled, “Thank you.” he said. He reached around behind Denzel and ran his fingers through his leaves.

#sylvari #sylvari art #gw2 sylvari #guild wars 2 sylvari #gw2 writing #Please appreciate my sons being adorable together #they love each other so much #I can hardly stand it

5 notes · View notes

lovenikkimadegeeky · 5 years

Note

Hi, I love this blog! It's very helpful. I'm just curious, how are you getting these pictures from weibo? I've tried looking through some dress up games weibo before, and I manage to get pretty far using the mobile version, but eventually the endless scroll stops working and it just repeats a page endlessly. I've never seen some of the ones you've been posting!

Thank you so much! I’m always happy to hear that it’s helpful; that’s why I’m writing it after all. ;)

I’m sorry this took so long. I had to experiment a lot to see what would work and what wouldn’t and, honestly, it seems super random to me but here we are. Also, it needs to be said: whoever decided to make image heavy sites scroll endlessly needs to be cursed to always spill stuff on their clothes because it’s so obnoxious.

Real quick: If anyone else wants to chime up with something else that works, feel free; all I ask is that you test first because there used to be a couple things that worked but now don’t, so I think weibo changed some stuff.

Okay! So finally onto answering the actual question! It should be noted that although this isn’t necessarily complicated, a lot needs to be explained about the different versions and how they work, so please bear with me and, yes, that’s why there’s read more. There are several different versions of the weibo site that you can use, often dependent on whether or not the site is .com or .cn. All of these sites will need to have LN’s user ID put in after .com or .cn: /u/5396121198. So weibo(dot)cn/u/5396121198.

Firstly, you never want to go to the mobile version. That always has infinite scroll enabled because logic! (If the address is m.weibo that’s the mobile site and you don’t want to be there.) This means that if you’re on your phone, you’ll need to enable desktop mode so the browser pulls up a desktop version of the site. The desktop version isn’t going to look great on your phone because the pics are all going to be a lot smaller than would be preferable, but you can always zoom in and/or click to see the pictures in full HD. (I’ll talk a bit about the latter at the end of this.)

The .cn version via my PC is my personal preferred version. It’s incredibly simple, it’s easy to get to and save the high definition pics, I can easily bookmark which page I was on last, and it always works unlike the .com version. However, no matter what you use to go to .cn, PC or phone, you’ll need a weibo account. When I signed up for a weibo account, I had to give them my phone number; there was no problem giving them my US version and there were no random charges to my phone so I didn’t have any issues. However I understand if that makes you uncomfortable. If you really want to go to this version but don’t want to give out your real number, I’d recommend getting something like google voice. However, if you really don’t want a to make an account you can instead go to the .com version of the site, however...

I’ve had a lot of trouble with .com version; sometimes it will let you on without logging but more often it will force you to log in in order to see anything. I’ve had better luck with not having to deal with logging when being on the PC but even then it still sometimes requires it. I cannot for the life of me figure out why it works sometimes and not other times, as I used incognito mode each time to make sure it worked so nothing should have changed in the interim. Sometimes opening a new tab and putting the address in there would help, but nothing consistently fixed it except just walking away and leaving it alone for a bit. However, on the off chance that it works better for you and/or that you really don’t give out your phone number, I’m putting info about it here and I hope it works better for you.

So, how to navigate the .com website. At first it may seem like infinite scroll. However, after a couple times scrolling down you’ll eventually reach the end; you can tell it’s the end because you’ll be given two options separated by a | ; the one on the left should have a number on it which if you click on it will give the option to go straight to a certain page. The one on the right is “next”. If you reach the end and instead get some text that has a comma in the middle, no | , and nothing appears to be happening, it means the site has gotten stuck loading. This happened to me several times; refresh the page (and keep refreshing if you need to) and eventually it will fix itself. (And hopefully the .com version won’t suddenly decide you need to log in.)

Now, as to seeing the pics nice and big, the .cn site is going to give you much better pictures; the .com site will never show them as large and thus as detailed as the .cn site unless you have a weibo account. (And if you have a weibo account, you should just use the .cn site and save yourself the trouble.)

So, for the .cn site, it’s going to sound complicated but it’s really not; it just takes some explaining if you can’t read Chinese. The thing with the .cn version is it won’t show you all the pics in each post. Instead you’ll been shown one pic. To figure out if there are more pics, and to see those pics, you need to look at the very end of the text of the post. If there’s a link with [brackets] around it, that means there is more than the pic you’re seeing. Click that and it will take you to page with a all the pictures on it. In order to see them in detail, you want to click on the characters directly to the right of the image. It sounds like a lot but it’s really simple when you actually do it. If you don’t see a link with [brackets] around it but want to see that single pic in HD, if you look directly to the right of the pic (not below it; directly to the right), you’ll see a link. Click that and you’ll be taken that the HD version of that single pic.

For the .com version you, each post will show you all the pictures that are in that post. If you click on this image it will show you a larger image. Now, there is an option to see the image even larger (the link with the magnifying glass above the large pic) but, as far as I could tell, you need a weibo account in order to see that version. So, basically, the only way to get the really good pics is to get a weibo account and use the .cn version, although the .com option is (sometimes) a second option.

I hope this was helpful and I’m really sorry it got so long and took so long to answer, but due to the way weibo decided to do things, there’s a lot of different thing that need to be taken into account.

#love nikki #love nikki game #love nikki dress up queen #lnduq #miracle nikki #anon #q and a #cn server #seriously though #infinite scroll on mobile is the worst

5 notes · View notes

may-lin-b · 6 years

Text

A Bad Idea Written Last Night After Midnight - By this dumbass [SE Fanfic]

She sat in front of her screen, forcing her fingers to type as her eyes focused on the lines of codes in front of her, trying to finish polishing the codes for the upcoming release. After a long moment of not being able to find the line that was messing things up for her, she sighed tiredly and took a big sip of the BlueBuffalo (™) energy drink—she didn’t care for its taste, but it was the only thing keeping her awake for the last couple of days.

“Let’s check the main blog to see if there’s any new asks,” she said to herself, “It would be at least something productive to do for now.”

Almost unwillingly, she pried her fingers away from the keyboard and switched the tap, logging on to her main blog, sweetelite-staff.tumblr.com.

When the blue screen loaded, and before her eyes could notice the blue bubble with the 99+ above her ask icon, she saw it. The post.

“Hey, heads up everyone! Apparently someone inserted their oc into the game and now there’s this bug that adds them as a li. I didn’t receive the bug in any of my game plays but apparently others have. So if you see this bug called “Tadashi” stay away and hopefully staff will fix it soon!!”

A small laugh escaped her lips, feeling grateful that her followers were this hilarious, and clicked on the notes to see the “funny” comments.

“A bug that’s pretending to be a love interest!” She laughed, shaking her head as she replied to a few of them before clicking back to her main screen and finally noticed the asks.

I swear there were less than 30 in the morning? She thought, clicking on the letter icon and waiting for the screen to load.

She laughed at first, seeing that the latest three asks were about the bug joke, but her emotions quickly changed to confusion then anger when she saw that almost all of the asks were about it.

“Did I speak too soon about the followers?” She thought, clicking away from the page and returning to her dashboard to write a post about it, but her dash was covered in mentions and @s from her followers.

There were posts from almost all the active ones speaking about the bug and how he, Tadashi they called him, was the ninth love interest, and was bullying the players in her game.

“Tadashi...?” she muttered as she typed his name in the search box, followed by sweet elite, and her jaw dropped.

There were hundreds of posts about him, some having hundreds of likes and reblogs. And some of those posts were from her main account. His face looked taunting, judging, but almost familiar.

“That hair…” She thought, but quickly shook the thought. There is no way this is real, someone must be playing a prank on her. True, she had intended to add a tenth character, but no one knew of that but her staff, and their design wasn’t finished yet.

She took a second to breath, convincing herself that this is the effect of her lack of sleep. “I’m hallucinating…” She said in a low. “That must be it. Because otherwise…” As her voice faded, she extended her hands to the keyboard and typed her websites name, and clicked.

And there he was. His image on the main page.

She wasn't sure if it was anger or the lack of sleep, but she was not willing to see what this is. She had to delete him.

Opening the pages of the codes, she clicked control + F and typed his name, then enter. And she had to contain herself to stop the cry that was about to escape her lips.

There were thousands and thousands of mentions of him, page, bio, dialogues, codes. THIS IS INSANE! She thought, not wanting to open her mouth because she was afraid to actually scream in anger and fear. WHO DID THIS TO MY CODE? AND WHO ADDED HIM TO MY STORY?

With shaky hands, she moved the cursor to the button next to his name count that said “REMOVE ALL” that would erase everything about him in her codes—i know that's not how it work but its too much to do and honestly boring fam, so stay with me, m’’kay?— and clicked it.

The counter went to zero, and she let out a loud exhale, and breathed deeply. It’s gone. She thought, her lips quivering as she laughed in relief. She clicked back to her dashboard and typed a quick letter, informing her followers that the evil bug had been erased with a small gif under it. She clicked post and refreshed her page, wanting to see when people commented on it. But her post wasn’t there.

Instead, a different post made by her main blog was there, it read:

Dear Sweet Elite fans.

The bug you have found it actually a teaser to our new and most favorite dateable character that will be joining the game with the full release.

His name is Tadashi, and we, the Sweet Elite Staff, stan him.

“No…. No, No, NO!” She cried, trying to click the post to delete it, but the website kicked her off and she watched it go to the login screen.

She hunched forward and typed in her login to her staff blog, but it said that it’s wrong. She attempted her main blog as well but it said that her email was not attached to any account and if she wanted to sign up with it.

Angry and confused, she typed in the login to her old blog and was able to access it. But she saw that the damage had already been done.

She saw many of her followers and friends reblogging her post with comments, both excited and confused by the sudden update, but none of them seemed to be alarmed—except for Maisa, cuz that girl is wild lamo.

Looking through the main posts notes, she saw her staff members agreeing with the post and making jokes about it, discussing things about the future of the characters and how they were all stans now.

This is insanity! She thought, placing her hands on her head and staring with wide eyes at the madness that had happened. “This is not my game! This is not my character! This is not me!”

She hurriedly clicked on the code tap and saw that she was still able to access it, but was informed that a second person is coding and had changed the code.

Would you like to see the changes? The page read on top, but she wasn’t able to click no, all that she could do was agree.

The new code loaded, it was the oe she had just deleted, with the bug back in it.

The page flickered, and the code was erased for a moment, with only zeros and ones on the screen.

01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 00100000 01010011 01100101 01110010 01100101 01101110 01100001

Having dealt with binary, she quickly pulled up a decoder and translated it.

Hello Serena

The code disappeared again, and she saw the line blink on the empty screen.

If it hadn’t been for what she had been through, this would have made her panic, but she was far too angry and tired to emote.

She typed slowly, on the screen. Who are you and what have you done to my game and accounts?!

The screen went empty again and a second code appeared.

01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01010100 01100001 01100100 01100001 01110011 01101000 01101001 00101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101000 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100011 01101000 01100001 01110010 01100001 01100011 01110100 01100101 01110010 00101110

I'm Tadashi, your tenth and best character for Sweet Elite.

Translating it, her eyes went wide in disbelief, and she backed out of her screen.

“No, you're not!” She yelled at her monitor. “I only have ten!”

The screen flickered, and another code appeared on her screen.

01010100 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110111 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100101 01111000 01110000 01101100 01100001 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100101 01111000 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100101 01101110 01100011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100110 01100001 01101110 01100100 01101111 01101101 00111111 00100000

Then her tap changed, going to the decoder and pasting the code.

Then how do you explain my existence in the fandom?

With horror in her eyes, she looked around at her surrounding, trying to find an explanation to why this is happening.

“HOW THE HELL DID YOU HEAR THAT?! WHERE ARE YOU?”

Another code typed itself, the it went back to the decoder.

I’m right here. In your codes.

“NO! NO NO NO NO NO! YOU’RE HACKING MY COMPUTER AND MESSING WITH MY CODES!”

There was a pause for a moment, but the code typed itself again and translated itself.

You have this all wrong you loser, lol. I’m in YOUR code.

Then another line appeared.

Watch.

The screen blinked, switching to a different tap and showing a second coding screen. A few lines were written and the mouse moved, clicking on the word “Save.”

Then, the room around her disappeared, and she found herself sitting in an empty white space, with only here and the monitor in front of her.

Completely frozen from fear, she dropped down on the white floor, her eyes glued to the empty screen.

“Why are you doing this…” She asked, her voice empty.

Another code appeared, but she found herself able to read it without translation

01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01001001 00100000 01101000 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 00100111 01100101 01101101

“WHY! WHAT ARE YOU GAINING BY MAKING ME ENDURE ALL OF THIS?!”

Another code appeared, and her mind read it and understood its content.

01101000 01110100 01110100 01110000 00111010 00101111 00101111 01101011 01101001 01110100 01110100 01111001 01100011 01101000 01100001 01101110 00101101 01110011 01101001 01101110 01100111 01110011 00101101 01100101 01101110 01101011 01100001 00101110 01110100 01110101 01101101 01100010 01101100 01110010 00101110 01100011 01101111 01101101 00101111 01110000 01101111 01110011 01110100 00101111 00110001 00110111 00110000 00110001 00110111 00111000 00110011 00110110 00110101 00110111 00110100 00110101 00101111 01110000 01110010 01100101 01110011 01100101 01101110 01110100 01100101 01100100 00101101 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00101101 01100011 01101111 01101101 01101101 01100101 01101110 01110100 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101101 01101111 01110010 00101101 01100001 01110000 01101111 01101100 01101111 01100111 01111001

“...No.” she said, covering her mouth from shock. “This is too much…”

The screen went white, matching the walls of this white emptiness, leaving her alone in the midst of it. And after a moment, a code stretched across it.

01000111 01101111 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101100 01100101 01100101 01110000 00101100 00100000 01010011 01100101 01110010 01100101 01101110 01100001 00101110

And then, she woke up.

#i am not sorry #and also hay for people who know that im writing a story project umm heads up #SE #Sweet Elite #SE Serena #se-serena #SE fanfic #writing #my dumbass had to #Also convert the last few binary yall

55 notes · View notes

accidentally-logince · 6 years

Text

Thank You

Warnings: Virgil angst, crying, swearing, Deceit (the character), sympathetic(ish?) Deceit, slamming doors

(If there are any more, PLEASE let me know!)

Word Count: 2k

Pairings: none

---

Logan

---

“Roman! Logan!”

Early in the morning, Patton cries out from the kitchen. Usually, we don’t get up until around eight, but the urgency in his voice has me running out of bed at six thirty. I almost run into Roman in the hallway, who has his sword in his hands. He somehow doesn’t look as intimidating when he’s wearing his crown-print pyjama bottoms.

We get to the bottom of the stairs to find that Patton has made his way to the couch, crying and hugging... something to his chest. He sniffles and looks up at us with snot and tears running down his face.

“Patton! What happened?” Roman asks, running up to him, forgetting his sword on the bottom step. He kneels down in front of Patton and cups his wet face in his hands. “Are you hurt? Did something come in?”

Patton shakes his head, sniffing again. “No... but some-one left,” he says, finally moving his hands away from himself to reveal the letter clutched between his fingers. Roman tentatively slides it from his grip and turns it around to read it. His expression falls as his eyes skim the page.

“Logan...” he mutters. I take the hint, grabbing the paper for myself. There's barely any words on it.

I'm sorry. I had to leave. I don't know if I'll be back. -V

My shoulders slouch, and I slowly lean down to put the paper onto the coffee table. "Is he already gone? Maybe we were intended to find that later in the day," Roman says. Patton jumps to his feet, optimistic about this new sliver of hope, and darts up the stairs before I can even move my legs.

In Virgil's room, we find Patton slouching over the dresser. He turns around and hands us each an envelope. "He's not here," Patton says, his voice low, "but these have our names on them." I stare blankly at the letter in my hand, almost not wanting to open it. I'm so scared of what I might find, but Roman is already tearing into his, and Patton slides his out carefully, as if he's scared it might shatter. I open the envelope.

To Logan: Thank you for always being there to keep me grounded. Even when you didn't realize, you helped me understand if I was spiraling out of control. You always calmed me down by helping everyone keep our heads, and your plans always helped me feel secure. I don't want you to try figuring out why I left. Don't strain yourself, please. This is for the best. You'll know that eventually. You're the smartest out of everybody; you can definitely figure out how to balance things without me. Thank you for being my gravity. -V

---

Roman

---

I barely absorb the words on the page before I fold it shut and quietly walk out of the room. Having the others see me cry would be embarrassing, even considering the circumstances, so I walk into my room- far into the forest, letting rain drench my hair, in case Logan or Patton decides to follow. I don't know how Logan could stand to read his letter immediately after receiving it. He didn't try to prepare; to steel himself in case the words hit hard.

Before I sit down to read it, I gently summon a light force field around me to keep the rain from ruining the paper, and then plop down on a fallen log. The rough outline of the letter that I'd gotten from skimming makes me nervous to read it more critically. Is Virgil truly not coming home? Maybe I should leave it in my pocket, and just retreat into my castle for the day...

I pull the page out.

To Roman: I think my biggest regret is never spending more time with you. Even if I never showed it, I really looked up to you, and I feel like I should have expressed that. I never really told you before, but I care about you just as much as the others. Don't you dare forget that. I don't know if maybe you think this is your fault, but if you do, I swear to you that I did this on my own accord. If I had it in me to lie to them, maybe I would have only told you about this, asked you to keep it a secret from the others. But I couldn't do that to them, and I couldn't do that to you, either. But even if you're not the toughest person ever, you're stronger than you think. Keep Dad and Logan safe, okay? You're my hero. -V

If I hadn't kept the rain away, maybe I would be able to tell myself I wasn't crying. I could have written it off as just the raindrops, but the acceptance of the tears is so refreshing. I don't know what I would think of myself if I pretended that I didn't cry over Virgil leaving. I wish I knew where he went, what he thought he needed to do and why. I wish I could have helped.

I find myself sitting on the log for hours, just letting myself cry. The sound of the wind and rain comforts me as I sob. Eventually, the drops starts to become smaller and less frequent. My room has always adjusted to match my emotions, and it runs out of tears as soon as I do.

---

Patton

---

I don't read my letter yet. I quietly slip it into my pocket while Roman and Logan read theirs, planning to wait until I'm hidden by the privacy of my own room to see what's written on the paper. Logan's expression slowly drops as his eyes scan the page in his fingers, and even a few tears spring into his eyes. He tries his hardest to keep them back, I can tell, but one or two slip out onto his cheeks.

Roman only skims his page, leaving the room after barely reading the words. I'm sure he has a similar plan to mine- wanting to wait until he's alone to actually take in the words fully. Neither of them noticed me slipping two letters into my pocket. I was surprised to see the last letter, but I think it's only fair to deliver it to it's rightful reader- and to keep it a secret, in case the others don't feel the same.

Without a word, I walk out of the room. Logan follows slowly once he finishes reading, closing the door gently behind him. All his movements are ginger, and he keeps his eyes low.

"I think..." he whispers. "I just need to be alone in my room for awhile." I nod comfortingly, and Logan quietly turns to make his way to his room. I'm so tempted to just retreat to my own room, flop down on my bed and just cry for days, but I reach my hand into my pocket, feeling the fourth letter. I descend the stairs, and find my way to the basement.

"Uh... Dee?" I call out quietly. "Would you come out here real quick?"

"Of course," comes the reply, and I roll my eyes despite myself. He's as stubborn as ever. I didn't want to have to enter his room- he absolutely hates when we try to go inside- but I'm not just going to leave without giving him his letter.

I push the door open without warning, so that he has no time to lock me out. "Oh, yeah, just come on in," Deceit grumbles, pushing away from his desk and swiveling his chair to meet my eyes. He crosses his arms. "You look absolutely ecstatic to be here, Patton."

Usually, Deceit is better than just petty sarcasm, but I don't snap at him, only give him a firm look and hold out the letter. "Virgil left," I tell him. His eyes widen in genuine surprise, but he keeps quiet. "He left us each a letter."

Looking reluctant, Dee reaches out and grabs the envelope from me. Then, looking me right in the eyes, he moves his hand to hover over the wastebin and drops the letter right inside.

"Good riddance," he growls. I can't tell if he's telling the truth or not this time.

My words get caught in my throat. I want to scream, to just absolutely bitch at Deceit. 'Virgil is gone!' I want to screech. But my throat constricts- with tears or anger, I don't know- and I find myself storming out of his room, slamming the door, and stomping up the steps to my own room, where I promptly fall to the ground and start to sob.

Weakly, I lift my head out of my arms and pull my letter from my pocket after a good half hour. My hands shake as I unfold the paper, both from sadness and nervousness. What did Virgil feel the need to say when he left? I squeeze my eyes shut when the paper is unfolded, trying to calm my breathing before I read it.

To Patton: I'm sorry that I had to go, but I'm really glad that you and I got to spend so much time together before I did. I don't want you to try and think about me too much- if I had the choice, I would have brought you with me, but this is something that I just couldn't make you do too. I want you to know that no matter what happens, even if I never come home, I always love you. You'll always be my best friend. Love you, Dad. -V

---

Deceit

---

I bite my lip once Patton slams my door. I wait a good five minutes to make sure he isn't coming back, and then turn as quickly as I can to dig the envelope out of the trash. Virgil is gone? Like, he left? Was he taken? Did he do this himself? Why? When? I take no time at all ripping the letter open.

To Deceit: I think you already know how much I hate you. I haven't exactly kept it hidden. And while I want to tell you how much of a total fuckwad you've always been, and how much shit you deserve, I feel like you've already gotten enough of that. Instead, now that I'm gone, I can't exactly be embarrassed if I thank you. As much as you were a total asswipe in the time that we spent together, I would have done this much sooner if you weren't there.There were times when you genuinely helped me. And you know that. You made sure I wasn't alone, even when the others wouldn't accept me. And don't think that I'm gonna do some 360 and tell you that you were a saint. You were a horrible bag of shit, and I'm glad I don't have to see you anymore. But don't hate yourself. No one deserves to hate themselves. I know how bad that feels. -V (P.S. Sorry I didn't use your real name. I know you probably want to share that when you're ready, and I kind of left this where the others might find it.)

My breath is shaky when I place the letter down. There's a sense of guilt in the words, but also relief. I'd always had the thought that Virgil absolutely despised me. And while that may not be too far from the truth, this at least reassures me that I can be even the slightest bit lovable. Okay, well, maybe not love-able, but likeable at the very least.

Slowly, I open the desk drawer and dig a crumpled paper from the bottom. On it, in messy purple crayon is 'My Best Friend Dee!' and a crudely drawn picture of Virgil and I standing side by side. It was his first gift to me, when Thomas was barely eight years old. It always pains me to look at the drawing. That was back when I made him think that what we had was an accurate depiction of a friendship. But I was awful. I can't help but think this is my fault.

And I think I know where Virgil went.

---

My Other Fics

Tag List: @thelogicalloganipus @monikastec @misstallip @aikogumi @pastel-patton123 @caffeinated-casper @confinesofpersonalknowledge @crofters-junkie @well-love-has-failed-me @theresneverenoughfandoms @lilbit-gay @emi-loves-them @logicaltimeink @succanegg69

#sanders sides #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #sanders sides fic #sympathetic deceit #morality sanders #creativity sanders #Logic sanders #anxiety sanders #thomas sanders #thomas sanders fandom #thomas sanders community #fander #fanders #ts fandom

146 notes · View notes