#so i need to fix it
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redraw of that stupid doodle i did of chara from last year
#undertale#undertale fanart#chara#frisk#my art#kiti art zone#IMPROVEMENT HEEHE#i been wanting to redraw my old undertale art#because it looks bad#so i need to fix it#anyways im horrible at puns but i can pretend just to continue my idea of chara being good at it#gaslighting myself into believing im good at it#ITS SO AWFUL#IM SORRY IF YOU CRINGE LMAO
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Kiss kiss fall in love❤️
#i just realized#I never really make characters kiss before#SO I NEED TO FIX IT#and Atalum is the perfect couple to use for practice ( ꈍᴗꈍ)#urusei yatsura 2022#urusei yatsura#uy allstars#ataru moroboshi#lum#lum the invader#atalum#ataru x lum
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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Oh look, it seems everyone has been opted into the unfortunate "experiment" now. For everyone who has been blissfully using the old UI up until now, welcome to hell :)
Do you not like hell? Do you want to leave and crawl back up into the sunlight of the old UI? Well, have I got a link for you! A beautiful tumblr user (who is not me) has gone and fixed things beautifully for you already: https://github.com/enchanted-sword/dashboard-unfucker
You will need to have Tampermonkey installed on your browser of choice, and once that's done, just go to the github link above, and peruse the readme to install. And voila! You have your old dash back!
The authors of XKit Rewritten said during the experiments that at the time, since this was an "experiment" they weren't going to implement anything to revert to the old UI (although who knows if they'll do it now). And the dashboard unfucker has worked beautifully enough for me to where I genuinely couldn't tell if they had ended the experiment or not.
#EDIT: pinning this for a few days so muts can find it if needed#EDIT: but also because i'm muting notifications because my phone is now dying#i foresee me possibly having to mute the notifications on this post#but whatever#(update: my prediction came true faster than i anticipated before i could even fix link mistakes or typos 🤷♀️ SORRY)#(when posts you make for your muts get a little further out than expected)#psa for anyone who the new ui winds up bothering#here's a way to basically revert to ye olden times
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#if your regular sleep med of choice is Benadryl I’m afraid of you#Idek what my answer is though??? probably melatonin. it helps a lot when I need to fix my sleep schedule#sleep soundly <3333#I also sometimes take ashwaganda if it’s not too expensive or is mixed w other stuff. and drink sleepy teas but not necessarily JUST tosleep#I was on olanzapine and that helped my sleep a lot (at the cost of eventually making me feel so so tired during the day)#anyways you must tell me
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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liking dnd is so funny because yeah you play the actual game sometimes but mostly you just think about the game and watch other people play the game and slowly go insane thinking about how much you wish you could play the game and hoping that buying more shiny rocks will fix everything
#dnd#dungeons and dragons#not going through something rn wdym haha...#i am FINE i have DEFINITELY played at least once in the last seven weeks#i am also definitely not the scheduling person in my group i am not stressed that no one has time for dnd apparently#i'm fine i just started another critical role campaign im fine im so stable#*screaming*#it provides seratonin but WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO BE HAPPY TO ROLL MY LITTLE DICE FUCK#it's okay i just need to buy more dice#that will fix me
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enough stories about how someone learns to truely be happy through love.
i want a story where someone is desperately seeking out love thinking it's the only way to be happy only for them to learn by the end that happiness is what they make of it and they don't need love at all to make it.
#aro#aromantic#ace#asexual#aroace#loveless aro#loveless#non-partnering#nonpartnering#non partnering#nonamorous#aplatonic#enough of amatonormative tropes in media!!! enough 'you're miserable without love' stories!!!#less “you're too focused on ambitions to make you happy that you dont let yourself fall in love”#more “you're too focused on finding love to make you happy that you wont let yourself live”#more “there is so much more to life than love and so much more that can bring your happiness if you just let yourself experience it.”#maybe I should write this story#and when i say love i mean all love. not just romantic love.#which is why i tagged aplatonic too#while i mostly see this trope in terms of romantic love i think there's something to be said about#telling stories where people are perfectly content alone too#it doesn't have to be sad or pathetic to not have friends by choice. they dont have to be a miserable person to not have friends#i think we need more variety in stories where it shows people just content in their lack of love or relationships in all shapes#not everyone wants a family not everyone wants friends not everyone wants a partner not everyone wants love#some of us are content without. that should be explored without the need to fix it.
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Heya
(this is really dumb but I am free)
#portal#portal 2#wheatley#chell#still need to polish his design#also fixed how it would actually look cause that one sketch is so twink-like and i do NOT want him to look like a twin#also funny eye:)#chio art
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disney japan let me on your design team i promise i can be so normal
#twst#twisted wonderland#ace trappola#jamil viper#azul ashengrotto#vil schoenheit#heartscribbles#i didnt like the shaftland outfits that much#SO I DID IT MYSELF!#aces is basically the same though because its already pretty nice#azul needed the most fixing because girl#Girl what they did to you....#vil i jusr wanted to put her in a devil-wears-prada-esque power suit
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miles morales, spiderman 🌻
#miles morales#spiderman#across the spiderverse#atsv#pavitr prabhakar#miguel ohara#hobie brown#gwen stacy#meows morales#peter b parker#jessica drew#hands on knees wheezing#THE INSANE CANVAS TWIRLING AND COMP FIXING ON THIS AHH#i love miles he is my babyboy forever#need to draw more miguels rahh <- the disease is kickin in#i didnt care about spiderman at all and knew no lore etc til itsv so miles is my first spiderman to me <3 i love you miles
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lesbian pride moment 😳🌸
#jolyne cujoh#hermes costello#stone ocean#jjba#jojo's bizzare adventure#deliart#jolymes#i didnt make it in time for pride month. its 3 in the morning#but some for some time zones im just in time<3#focus here was GREEN i just wanted to work with lots of green colors#bc i never do and i need to improve at that#we ended up with neons tho still sorry#also the background was fully rendered so much details n stuff but u cant see it hehe bc i blurred it#that was what most of my time was spent on . btw#anyway. hope u all enjoy the dresses lol#might go back and fix some stuff tho bc i drew this in like 3 days from lineart onward#so i havent been able to rest my eyes inbetween. so ill probably find something i wanna fix later
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like what's up pronoun
#party poison#gerard way#danger days#mcr fanart#mcr#ttlotfk#killjoys#my chemical romance#idk......limps away#i have art i hate tht i need to post but im procrastinating makeing myself believe i can fix it😭 so u get beautiful nonbinary person rn#the fabulous killjoys
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Neil covering Andrew up again, but make it sweet this time
[And the follow up]
#I elected Not to fix the anatomy/proportions 🫡#it was decided we needed some fluff about Neil giving Andrew a blanket#and by god if I’m not here to deliver on both ends of the hurt/comfort dichotomy#so here you go#🤲💕#fan art#my art#aftg#all for the game#andrew minyard#neil josten#andreil
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(content warning: blood)
Sewed Up Heart
[ID: A Trigun comic done in grayscale with red accents. First, an anatomical heart gushes blood, forming a puddle which shifts into Vash's coat. Vash's gloved hands can be seen sewing up a tear at the hem.
Vash raises his hands, which are now bare and covered in blood. He looks sweaty and distressed, and he raises his coat to his face and cries into it. His clenched hands rip the sewed portion apart, and the red thread leads to a heart whose own stitches are tearing apart. The background gets darker and darker, and the red looks brighter and starker against it.
Then the background returns to white, and brown-skinned hands using embroidery scissors snip a red thread. Wolfwood holds up Vash's repaired coat, grinning proudly, and does a happy thumbs-up in Vash's direction. Vash lifts his head, seeming distant.
Wolfwood holds out the coat. As Vash puts out his hand to take it, the cloth is replaced so Wolfwood is dropping a sewed-up heart in Vash's hand. Vash rubs the coat against his face with a teary smile. End ID] ID CREDITS
#trigun#trimax#cw blood#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#vashwood#my art#his coat as an external representation of his emotional wounds🤌#a coat riddled with bullet holes tells so many stories#also wolfwood hc of him being good at sewing bc he probably had to patch up many clothes when he was at the orphanage#and now his hands are bloodied but he still has this one thing -this one skill- that helps him make things a little better for once#and it doesnt fix everything but at least he's giving back a bit of the kindness he's being shown#ww actions over words love language *explodes*#i cant stop rotating these thoughts in my head i need to make a comic focused on his pov#image described#thank you for the id!!#raepliica_art
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Maybe an aspirin would fix her...
#i need her so bad#y'all don't even know.#i could fix her AND make her worse AAA ND make her ******#cw: gore#harrowhark nonagesimus#tlt#my art
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