#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 7 months

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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

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knifearo · 5 months

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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one

#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts #course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism #being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn #i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus #cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself #into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation #but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy #and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system #you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao #yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic #aromanticism #aro positivity #aroace #arospec #sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon #you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better #life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not #i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao

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bu-blegh-ost · 4 months

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Hey, so, I just finished my fourth rewatch of Riptide, and I have done some math while doing so, and I wanna share it.

Did you know that throughout this entire campaign Chip has received 132 lightning damage in total?

Well that itself might feel like a lot, until you hear abt Jay Ferin, who received a total of 199 lightning damage, a whooping 67 more damage than Chibo.

Now.

Gillion Tidestrider. The reason I decided to count this shit in the first place. I needed to know. And I did indeed find out.

That Gillion Tidestrider, from start to finish, from episode 1 to 115, has suffered 382 lightning damage. A full 183 more damage than Jay and fucking 250 more than Chip. He is a literal lightning rod in a fish disguise, and here is your proof.

#jrwi #just roll with it #jrwi riptide #gillion jrwi #gillion tidestrider #chip jrwi #jay jrwi #jay ferin #mathhhh cause that's what I do here i guess #this was fully for me and to satisfy my personal curiousity #but maybe some of you wondered as well #total number of days in riptide coming soon

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a-s-levynn · 2 months

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"A sacred guardian" A Series of Small Offerings - IV/1 - day33

#a series of small offerings #sleep token fanart #i had this thing in my head since i put together the small offerings challenge #that was in last november #so this was cooking in my brain for some time now #this was the only one i had a very clear idea for what i wanted #the only thing wasn't set in stone was what runes i want to put on him #this is my sistine chapel #this is the peak #we only gonna go down from here #hope you like it because i worked on this pretty much all day and i've never been this happy or satisfied with anything i ever did probably #and yes this is one of my standard ca. 13 cm tall drawings as per usual before anyone asks #also yes Darya you guessed it that was the tmbte moon rising on the missing limbs one #sleep token #vessel fanart #vessel i #i sleep token #sleep token i #vessel sleep token #sleep token vessel #sleep token band #sleeptoken #levynn tries to draw #levynn tries to think

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psalmsofpsychosis · 29 days

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not gonna lie homos and homies, there's something incredibly, incredibly depressing about Batmanverse and the concept of Batjokes in particular, and it's not the murder murder stab stab death plots.

It's the collective unmentioned canon agreement around these characters never being able to escape the confinements of their narrative.

they get pushed to the very edges of their predefined thresholds, they toe the lines of their stories, they poke it and probe it and sometimes even flirt with the possibility of crossing the bounds of their narratives, but they never break throught the structure. they never go over the line, always sorta of wiggling in place; batjokes in particular is the most enticing and intriguing stagnant 85+ years story i have ever seen.

There are unspoken rules around who Batman is, what he will and will not do, and those rules are rarely questioned, if ever. No matter what he does, he cannot be in love with a man, and he cannot ever love Joker in particular. He cannot experience mental and emotional peace. he cannot kill and he cannot show sincere emotional vulnurability, he cannot experience his love in an open and unashamed way. His narrative thresholds confine him to a socially sanctioned image that is meant to be familiar and tangible to the average straight dude, and it's quite frankly exhausting to witness. Whatever happens to Batman's story, he never arrives at physical emotional or mental peace and on a foundational level his tale never changes, not really. You can almost feel it when he constantly bumps into this unspoken narrative rules and stops in his tracks, each and every goddamn time, for 85+ years. It's like a keyed up nutcracker toy soldier bumping into a wall, stumble back two steps, bump into the walls, stumble back two steps, bumpt into the wall,

As someone who loves stories that love to question their own narrative points and break through them and do something different, staring at Batmanverse comics for too long at a time lowkey feels heartbreaking, nothing ever truly changes in this bitch.

#i guess what i'm saying is; there a tree in this garden and every season it sheds its leaves and the leaves change color etc etc etc #and when i talk about getting bored of tales told of this tree peeps are like ''but look at all the colors in the leaves! it even sheds the #what more variety would you want?!''#and i'm like. you know there's more to a tree than its fucking leaves right. RIGHT.#you know a tree changed in its entire trunk and branches and root reach and the way it communicates with other trees RIGHT #like. a tree naturally undergoes so many subtly substantial changes during the seasons #and i'm tired of being given colorful leaves and being told that i should be satisfied with the supposed artstyle and plot trinket variety #in Batman stories.#this shit is substantially stagnant *YEET*#jokes aside though; this is why i can only consume a little bit of Batman media at a time before i get bored out of my mind.#every other story is the same thing.#Batman #Batman meta #Batjokes #Batjokes meta

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ask-whitepearl-and-steven · 7 months

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I want you to know I respect your opinion and at the end of the day you can do whatever you want on your own page, which I love all the art you do. Your White Diamond AU is so remarkable I've added it to my own headcanon idea of Steven meeting his alternate selves.

With that said, why are you responding to posts or asks that talk about blatant shattering of other gems? Real SU fans don't immediately go "death to the enemy." Real SU fans understand that SU is about love, acceptance, second chances, and pacifism. I'll admit, there have been more idiots in the fandom since the show's end, but in my humble opinion, it's best to not give any of them attention, even if they are annoying.

Sorry if I sound rude, I just didn't get responding to that one ANONYMOUS comment.

It's not rude at all! And it's a great question! One I understand the reasoning of.

But I have my own reasoning for doing the things I do.

Mainly, I think that while ignoring SOME behaviors is definitely good.... talking about OTHER behaviors actively is the fastest and healthiest way to immunize the greater community against them.

Let me explain.

I've been in this fandom a long time now, and I agree with you - there's a solid possibility, a real chance that whoever sent that message is just a passing non-fan who decided to be weirdly edgy in my inbox. No big deal. It happens.

But in my experience, the SU fandom is.... wide and varied. There are people of all ages, and many opinions. It would be easier, of course, if the only 'true fans' were those who perfectly understood the show's themes. But to me, that veers dangerously close to a No True Scotsman type of thinking. The reality is that many different people watch SU. And while many of them do inherently agree with the message and understand the nuance, many more just watch the show because... they like the surface level graphics and cool fights and interesting worldbuilding. In fact, many of the show's fans are edgy teens (sorry edgy teens) who are in a life-stage where violence and being strong and cool and decisive in a morally black and white manner is the only way they can possibly imagine solving any problem. And... that's kinda the opposite of what SU teaches! But that's also the point. SU teaches those things on purpose.

And yeah, I can absolutely just ignore this part of the population. But ignoring a behavior does not actually make it go away 100% of the time. If a child in a supermarket comes up to you and starts smacking you with a wooden spoon from Aisle 4, then... sure... you can ignore them and see if their parent comes to get them, or they go away, especially if it's a very small child and they're not hurting you a lot.

But that's not the only option. You can ALSO opt to teach them - and any other spoon-wielding children watching - what COULD happen if they are crude or cruel to a stranger in public. Namely, you can snap 'stop it' and at the very least glare at that child. This is a lesson that will arguably teach them more about the interaction than a complete lack of reaction would.

Now, I'm not saying people who send me asks are all children and I'm doling out some moral lessons here. This is just a metaphor.

I'm simply a person in a social space (tumblr) who is driving my own blog. And while I DO ignore a very large part of cruel/rude asks I get (trust me, I do ignore many!) I sometimes also just post a reply to show what ELSE could happen if you say a borderline silly and arguably tonally inappropriate ask to a person. You could get replied to! In a sarcastic or snappy manner!

And maybe - just maybe - the other people reading my blog can learn something from the experience, and think 'ah, so doing it like THAT will maybe make people kinda annoyed, now I know and will not do that'.

I cannot deny that overall I agree with you, though. I don't think that these types of messages deserve attention on the regular. But I'd hope that my replies to these things are not really... regular. I ignore probably... 80% of these sort of things? I guess maybe it just feels like a lot less, since, well. The public ones are 100% of the ones you get to see!

#chekhov answers #it is a scientifically proven fact that people learn not only by experiencing things directly #but also by watching things happen to others #idk you could disagree with me #i try to space out the weird asks with the nicer ones and the lore ones #but no matter what i do no one is 100% satisfied #that's life i guess!

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blaiddraws · 1 year

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ITTY BITTY CREATURES for @fourphoenixfeathers 's precure au! drew the original design for the giratina but didn't really like how it turned out so i drew Worm Version As Well. i am not immune to the worm hfkshsjshsksjdjf (ALSO original arceus version doesn't have the dark face patch. idk how that happened here with mine considering i was looking at a ref quite often)

#drawn on the Aggie last night #I'm GONNA draw the original gira design again and be satisfied with it this is a challenge #pokemon #giratina #arceus #precure au #idk what you tagged it oh shoot #uhhhh #submas precure au #??? i guess I'll check later #EDIT: FHJDHDJDHFH NEITHER OF THOSE TAGS IT'S #magical trainguys

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astralarias · 1 month

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I think ultimately my thoughts on SotO will depend on how well, if at all, anet follows through with some of their setup.

Like how shady the wizards are — if at the end this is addressed, that would be great and would retroactively improve a lot for me! But if it’s just ignored and treated like they’re 100% fine and Isgarren is 100% justified and right, I…deeply hate that.

They have the bones of a good, interesting story, I just hope they follow through with it. I hope they’re ALLOWED to follow through with it. Having the wizards be so blatantly cult-like and shady and then not addressing that just leaves a bad taste in my mouth, so I really hope they pull the ending off decently because man I love this game.

#want to clarify I understand this is all new for anet #so some things might suffer for that at first #but it’s also like. I don’t think it’s a bad thing #to want a satisfying story for my money #idk I’m so torn on this expac #or mini expac I guess #I forgot what it’s called sjfjd #all the non story stuff is really nice and good #soto spoilers #not really but just in case

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unicyclingdogs · 8 days

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blue shirt buddies!!! :)

#lu fanart #linked universe #lu wild #lu wind #THIS DRAWING WAS FIGHTING ME GUYS #I’m not 100% satisfied with this but I can’t look at it anymore 😭#but it looks wayyyy better than it did earlier #so I’ll take it 👍#my art pre rendering always looks so rough 💀💀💀#also increasing the saturation of the color helped so much it’s literally a lifesaver #ASLO ALSO GUESS WHO GOT INTO AN ART SCHOOL 😎😎😎#dude im so excited for september!!! trying to transfer colleges was rlly stressful and I can’t wait for it to be behind me #but yeah that’s whats been going on for me :)#WAIT‼️‼️‼️ art tag #uni art :)

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dizzybizz · 17 days

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some star rail, some penacony story fuckers specifically... y'know how it is (it's bad the brainrot is so bad help me help)

#ft me beefing w aventurines jacket bc smth abt it kept bugging me n it took so long for me to realize that its the fur #like kaeyas is so luxurious n full its great n aventurines feels so puny in comparison im sorrryyyy i hate it #my aventio avetio aventio wtf whatever ... fanart would go crazy with these designs hm #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr aventurine #hsr dr ratio #hsr sunday #hsr robin #hsr acheron #my art #hey guess what #magma #im not quite free from my magma shackles but im slowly getting there ok #my ratio has a permanent case of the rock eyebrow sorry #do you like my ratio i kinda love my ratio ngl idk hes rlly satisfying to draw ehahahahha hes so shape

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minticecodes · 5 months

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I'm slowly getting through devil may cry v and got inspired enough to doodle again. Sure they aren't polished but I love looking at others' sketch dumps, it's like looking at a smorgasbord of ideas. So here you go. Read more for close ups of the other doodles. The ID in alt are the same as written in the text.

[I.D. Digital art. A boy in a shirt hoodie, Nero, sits cross legged as he leans backwards to smile up at his companion. Said companion is a tall horned knight, Nelo Angelo, kneeling behind Nero. Nelo gazes to the side, but braces his broadsword by Nero, and his cape drapes around where Nero's sitting. Nero is rendered in light blue and red, Nelo is rendered in light blue, and they're brightly illuminated. End I.D.]

(Was thinking of 'Love Seeketh Not Itself to Please' by Indigomoods on ao3 while doing this one).

[I.D. A number of digital art sketches, most prominently featuring Dante and Vergil from the Devil May Cry series. From top to bottom, right to left:

Headshots of two boys, Dante and Vergil. Short comic of a man (Dante) ruffling a boy's (Vergil's) hair. Sketch of two boys on a couch, one (Dante) looking concerned at the other (Vergil) in foetal position. Branches curl under the couch. Sketch of child Dante and Vergil in red and blue, running hand in hand. Thumbprint sized chibi child Dante and Vergil. Nero and Nelo sitting together.

Semirealistic headshot (DMCV Vergil) in blue. Boy (Dante) curled in a fire, and fire demon (SDT Dante) gazing at his palm against a black background. Loose sketches of a man's head, roughly scribbled out except one, and an angry cat with a sword. They're labelled in blue and red writing. Side profile of a young man in blues (DMC3 Vergil), face shadowed, a yellow ribbon curled in the background. Side profile of DMC3 Vergil. End I.D.]

[I.D. 4 black and white digital pen cartoony sketches of child Dante and Vergil. Head and bust shot of a boy with slicked back hair and black turtleneck (Vergil) looking right. His brows are furrowed, eyes narrowed; he looks unimpressed. Below is a head and bust shot of a boy with shoulder length hair and white shirt (Dante) looking left with wide eyes and a fang toothed, wide grin. Centre close up of a cloaked boy (Vergil) glaring up, brow furrowed. His hair hangs over a shadowed face. One narrowed eye is visible. Right sketch is of a cloaked boy (Vergil) hugging a book to his chest, referencing a Visions of V panel. His one visible eye is wide as he gazes down with a small expression. End I.D.]

[I.D. Coloured digital art over a black background. Two panels. Panel one is child Dante, arms hugging his legs as he sits within a fire raging around him. He's buried his face in his arms. Panel two is an adult Dante in his demonic SDT form. He gazes down at his clawed hand while the fiery core in his chest glows as the main source of light, casting shadows and red light against his armoured form. The tips of his claws seem to glow in the reflected light. End I.D.]

[I.D. Messy sketch of child Vergil and Dante, running hand in hand. The two look at each other with smiles, Dante with a wide grin and Vergil with closed lips and determined brows. Their full expressions aside from the smile cannot be seen; Dante's hair whips back and covers his face while Vergil's face is eyeless. They're softly rendered in light blue and red, and bright lighting. End I.D.]

[I.D. Messy sketch of child Vergil and Dante sitting on a couch, shot from behind the couch. Dante directs a concerned gaze to Vergil, his hand braced on the couch back as he leans closer. Vergil only looks down. His arms are curled around his knees. From the angle, his expression cannot be seen aside from a small frown. Under the couch slithers Qliphoth tree roots. End I.D.]

[I.D. Chibi doodle of child Vergil and Dante, holding hands. Light blue and red ovals were airbrushed on the page, and a pen lined out their features. They have round cheek patches, like budgies. Vergil has a cartoony pout and a book tucked under an arm, labelled with a V; Dante has a toothy grin and is making a bunny ears hand sign. End I.D.]

[I.D. 'DANTE' is evenly block printed in blue pen. Underneath are what looks to be the start of three portraits of Dante in black pen, but they're roughly scribbled out. The most detailed of the three scribbled out portraits is Dante's grinning side profile. He had sunglasses on. The only intact portrait is a shot of Dante from behind, from the chest up and face not visible aside from a grin. Carried on his back is the Devil Sword Dante, rendered in more detail than Dante.

Meanwhile 'VERGIL' is written in orange/red pen, but strikethroughed. Written above instead is 'PURR-GIL!!', an arrow pointing at a doodle of a cat holding a roughly drawn katana(Yamato). The cat is grimacing with furrowed brows. It has spiky fur on its head, a spiky curled tail, a thorn pattern on its arms resembling Vergil's coat sleeves, and fat round blushy cheeks. End I.D.]

[I.D. Semirealistic rendering of DMCV Vergil from the neck up in three quarter view. He's painted in blues, with soft red shadows. He glares at the viewer, brows furrowed. His irises are a soft red, and he has eye bags. His lips are somewhat glossy. To the side is the blue color palette. End I.D.]

[I.D. Stylised depiction of DMC3 Vergil glaring downwards in profile, from the chest up. He's rendered in blues, his face shadowed from the light against his back. Running over his skin are cracked gold lines, reminiscent of kintsugi. In the background curls a yellow ribbon in the same gold. He's wearing a sleeveless turtleneck and cravat. End I.D.]

[I.D. Stylised black and white lineart of DMC3 Vergil glaring in profile, lips sneering, from the neck up. He's in a coat and cravat. End I.D.]

[I.D. Messy comic.

Panel 1: DMCV Dante ruffling child Vergil's hair. Dante's face is out of the panel

Vergil (grimacing): "Dante!"

Panel 2: Vergil's staved off the hair ruffling, lifting up Dante's hand with both his hands. His brows are furrowed as he looks up at Dante. In the background is a laughing sound effect, that tapers off. 'HA HA ha...'

Panel 3: Adult Dante gazing down at child Vergil, arm hovering over him. His expression seems sad, despite the small smile.

Dante: ... I missed ya, Verge.

Vergil gazes up at Dante, a small question mark by his head. End I.D.]

#just a wall of rambly thoughts from a longwinded person here on out as a warning #devil may cry #dmc #dmc5 #visions of v #artists on tumblr #visions of v spoilers #dmc dante #dmc vergil #nelo angelo #not tagging nero because i think anyone looking for him here wouldnt be satisfied #“holds head in hands” i love drama so much #I especially love characters with tangled relationships to their emotions and their loved ones so. yeah #this is also around the third time i started a game because of a music recommendation #...i think any dmc fans looking at this can guess what song started the downward slide to getting the fifth game #fun fact #it was the sibling unit who went 'add a tree behind the couch' leading to the implications there #they also guessed like #all the reveals around vergil's identities just looking at these doodles and hearing a bit about the backstory #which was funny to me. Man isn't subtle at all #I gotta learn how to do that thing where u can see extra artist comments if u click on a photo in a set. It doesnt seem like alt text?#i had extra Thoughts around some of these but didn't want to clog with extra text. Though they'd be summarised as 'handholding as a motif'#and 'aside from the original metaphor wouldn't it be fun for Dante to literally piece Vergil together again'#and when you wonder if he's acting right you wonder how much you really knew him #how much of his care is what you baked in as wish fulfilment #why can't you keep him from falling apart #something something houseki no kuni style visual shattering #something something Vergil has to do the heavy lifting to glue himself together #and the twins both have to understand each other (i.e. communicate) better for the pieces to stick instead of like #detritus getting in the way of a clean meld

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puppyeared · 4 months

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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed

#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant #its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things #we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an #me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could #feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly #accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore #what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back #with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used #to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting #for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our #bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70 #yapping #vent

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stardust948 · 7 months

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Sometimes when I'm feeling low, I think about the scene in Incendiary when Katara bloodbended Ozai’s heart until it exploded, then feel better.

#uh spoilers I guess #incendiary #atla #katara #ozai #zutara fic #if the fic never continues i am satisfied with that ending #it's what he freaking gets #and the bulid up was incredible #zutara

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youremyonlyhope · 5 months

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Living with Body Focused Repetitive Behaviors

Me: *Is super stressed over life.*

Trichotillomania: Time to pull some hair! C'mon. You won't even notice you're doing it. It'll make you feel better.

Me: NO. *Spends 4 days putting hair in a mini twist protective style* There.

Dermatillomania: Hey. Your hands are free. And restless. And dry... Pick your skin. Bleed. Bleed.

Me: Stop! *Starts up a new crochet project to keep hands busy.* Ok cool.

Onychophagia: Hi hi. Your nails are.... perfect biting length... you should do that.

Me: Noooooooooooo *Paints nails.*

Dermatillomania: Oh look, you got some nail polish on your skin. Pick it off... now pick some more...

Me: SDJAKFDSJFKLDKAFDJKLAFJDKSAKLFDASL

#is this tmi? oh well. this is the tmi website #trichotillomania #dermatillomania #onychophagia #bfrb #body focused repetitive behavior #ocd #guys guess what? my therapist all but prescribed that i get a manicure to prevent picking at my skin #apparently after a year with this therapist i never mentioned my finger picking until this week #and she was like 'ok since you find it tough to paint them yourself get a manicure. self care and preventative'#because my cuticles are horrific due to me constantly picking at them and the sides of my fingers #so i've always been too embarrassed to go to a nail salon and my therapist was like 'exposure therapy!'#currently my nails are sloppily painted because i can't hold a brush still and they're already chipping after like 5 days #actually they probably started chipping on the second day honestly.#i need to redo my twists a bit which actually satisfies the trich urges since i'll be running my fingers through my hair to do it #but i won't actually be pulling. but also. i will be getting the shed hairs out. so. kind of fulfills that.#but right now my nails are long enough for me to feel them sometimes hit my keyboard. which. isn't normal for me.#and despite the nail polish i feel the urge to bite them shorter ahhhhh #anyway if you're Black with natural hair and have trich i HIGHLY suggest mini twists since it helps deter me from pulling #sure i have to redo it every few weeks but seriously. game changer. harder to find individual hairs to pull.

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jamiesfootball · 8 months

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What are your thoughts on Ted? Is it good he went home?

These are two separate answers but I'm gonna try to combine them into one thought bubble (bear with me).

My short answer regarding Ted's ending is that you can't create a fully fleshed out character for 2-3 seasons and then in the final hour decide he was Mary Poppins all along. The Mary Poppins is meant to be strange, not-quite of normal ilk. She's the static character who leads the change in others, the one who inspires. You don't usually see the inner thoughts and workings of a static character.

From the very first time the audience meets Ted, we understand that this is not a static character because he is literally one of our starting POVs. We see his uncertainty about flying across the globe to go teach a sport he doesn't understand. We see him turning to Beard for reassurance. We see him stick his hand out where it isn't wanted while he tries to find common ground with people in a new country. We see the beginnings of a panic attack at the press conference.

That is is episode one. He is not a static character. He is not a strange and unusual person impossible to understand. He is inspiring, yes, but that is because of his humanity- his kindness.

He is not a Mary Poppins.

Ted is at his most interesting when he is a complicated, struggling, but ultimately kind man who tries his best to show genuine empathy and compassion towards others. The fact that this same trait doubles as a flaw is equally intriguing.

Ted can reassure Sam that Jamie won't be coming back, or Ted can reach out to Jamie when he's struggling and ask him to come back. Both are acts of kindness. He can not do both.

Ted can show Rebecca empathy and understanding for her trying to sabotage Richmond, but it ties his hands on being honest to Jamie about why he was sent away in the first place.

In trying to balance kindness, Ted struggles to be direct. He struggles to come right out and tell people how he's feeling about situations. Despite encouraging other people to talk about their feelings, he dances around his own and avoids awkward confrontations. I think that is the flaw that Ted most needed to explore. At the same time, I hesitate to say he could have learned too much given how he was struggling to process his own trauma with his dad and how it effected his relationships with those around him. (Put a pin here, I'll be back for it in a later.)

Pivoting back to Ted's purpose in the narrative, unfortunately as the show ran through season three, it became too near-sighted on The Message and in turn lost sight of making sure the characters had fulfilling interactions with each other. This especially becomes apparent when it comes to Ted, whose motto in season one is 'be curious not judgemental.' I maintain that season three was a low point for Ted emotionally, and if I were to assign a reason in-universe as to why Ted seemed so off from his usual self, it would be that in his depression, he no longer had the energy to realize he wasn't being curious. One indication of this would be how many times Ted casts assumptions on people in season three, compared to his hey-do-you-think conversational openers from earlier seasons. Some examples would include:

-never trying to figure out what makes Zava tick (this is a big one to me. I think season one Ted would have been all over trying to crack Zava like a nut)

-assuming he already knows why Jamie is upset about Zava joining the team and brushing it off

-assuming that Dr Jacob would propose + assuming that Michelle would say yes instead of trying to ferret out whether

-his assumptions about Henry being bullied (the knee-jerk reaction as a parent to protect your kid is understandable, the lack of delving into the situation and why it happened are more what I mean here)

-his whole conversation with Jamie about his dad. Other people in more succinct words have pointed out how it feels like he fully projected what he needed to hear onto Jamie's situation, and I think that's fairly accurate. This was not a 'talk to me and tell me what's going on so I can better understand how i need to help you' conversation. This was a 'oh that's whats going on? how about you do this? that work? alright then' talk.

So the finale struts back around and Ted has made a decision. He's going home. And it's meant to feel like closure. They play the Cat Stevens song and it's supposed to feel like Ted has finally made a step in the right direction (which is certainly one take on those lyrics but I digress). He's going back home. He's going to be with his son. He's letting go of the damage his father leaving did to him. He's giving up on something and he's finally okay with that. He left Richmond better than he found it and that's what matters.

Everyone else can cry but he's not crying. He's finally with Henry again.

So here's my two cents. And this is definitely just my opinion but-

THAT'S FUCKING STUPID.

Because the only way that Henry OR Richmond exists is in a false dichotomy wherein the two cannot possibly coincide, despite the fact that there are MANY KIDS' SHOWS ABOUT CHILDREN MOVING TO NEW LOCATIONS EVEN NEW COUNTRIES because that is a NORMAL THING THAT HAPPENS IN THE NORMAL WORLD ALL THE TIME.

Like holy shit that is. That is just the plot of a Disney channel show. 'My dad the football coach moved to england to coach the other football.' That is just the plot of a Disney channel original movie with a $300 budget that magically gets a sequel. Is that what I'm supposed to say 'oh no, that could never happen' over? Because I"m already watching a TV show. You can put a show in another show- I'm fine with that.

Remember that pin above? Time to pull it out. Because you know what would have been a more narratively satisfying conclusion?

If Ted had actually asked Henry and Michelle if they'd liked to move to London to be closer to him. If he had actually expressed his fucking need to have both his Kansas family and his Richmond family close to him. Maybe they would have said no, maybe they would have said yes, but you know what? It would have at least opened the door to the discussion about what Ted might need as a person moving forward, whichever way the chips fell. At least he would have done the one thing we didn't see him do all show:

Ask for something for himself. Because he wants it. Not for the good of his family, or the team, or anyone else. Just for Ted.

I am not saying his son isn't the most important thing in his life. I am saying as a goddamn adult person, you can NOT mold your life around your kids. You can't. Full stop. It is not healthy. You put your kid's needs above your own, but as a parent your needs have to come second. You have to take care of your own emotional health so that you have the bandwidth to give them support. You have to set the example of what healthy boundaries and taking care of yourself looks like.

Could Ted make new social connections back in Kansas? Well that's the thing isn't it- season one Ted could have. Easily. Season three Ted? The one who's checked out and looks tired all the time and isn't even following his own motto anymore and didn't even cry like he'd miss his friends when he was leaving? I'm not sure about that Ted. I'm worried about that Ted. I'm worried he's going to put himself in a situation where for the next 9 years of his life his only priority is going to be keeping Henry happy by giving Henry the attention he never got from his own father. And after that? Henry's an adult. Henry has to go live his own life.

And Henry's going to be able to tell, by the way, if his dad is struggling. Whatever Ted's emotional health is like, Henry is going to pick up on it. This isn't a one way road. Kids notice.

Ted untangled himself enough to admit that what he wants is to be close to Henry. I commend that. But then he decided that there was only one way to do that, and he didn't look any further than that. The narrative didn't look any further than that. For a show that itself raises the topic of mental health, it feels tone-deaf to pretend that Ted moving away from his entire support group is a happy ending. He doesn't even have Beard!

So to summarize: what do I think about Ted? I think he's a fascinating character. I think he has a genuine kindness to him that is rare. I think he is flawed, and a little bent up on the inside, and he's got a lot of issues to work through. And I think the show did him a disservice by painting him going back to Kansas as a sign that everything was going to be okay.

#that's my very long take!#sorry!#and yes i am a 'how dare the found family break up at the end' type of person #but I can usually give props to canon if they at least made the reasons satisfying #lotr for example gets a pass on this #here tho? not satisfied #love ted; not satisfied with where we left him #would've preferred to run him through the washer a few times and see what happens #ted lasso #ted lasso meta #complaining about the finale #adding this to my 'i guess i'll fix it myself' pile #i am so sorry anon i just looked back at your ask and it was just two innocuous questions #and i busted out the capslock #mea culpa

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5-pp-man · 19 days

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am i truly like. the only one who really liked that ending and thought it was a logical and satisfying end to what they've been building up to so far...?

#bucchigiri?!#bucchigiri #i basically guessed most of the stuff that happened. and even predicted some more things when i did my little rewatch beforehand #feel very compelled to make a full series breakdown. because a lot of people only seem to be mad because this show isnt what they expected #tedpost #tedtalks #yeah sure some of the stuff right at the end was very tacked on. but thats how endings tend to go for most animes.#you get a little slideshow at the end! because it saves time for the big showdown #WHICH WAS SO GOOD LIKE CMON PEOPLE #and im gonna be honest. i felt more satisfied by this ending than i did by braverns ending. WHICH WAS FINE BTW.#but with how ending tend to go for originals. i liked this one more.

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