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#snow crush killing song

wontonhasradsocks · 1 year

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#the mountain goats #snow crush killing song

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mountaingoatsing4ever · 1 month

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" when i ask you to look at me

you look away

i ask you to tell me something nice once

you come at me with all your

hot lights on display

i know you're changing

damn you

i know you're changing

god damn you for that. "

#the mountain goats #tmg #snow crush killing song #sweden #lyrics #lyric posting

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the-daily-goat · 2 years

Audio

Daily Goat #058: Snow Crush Killing Song - Sweden (Live @ The Empty Bottle)

When I ask you to look at me You look away I ask you to tell me something nice once You come at me with all your hot lights on display I know you're changing Damn you I know you're changing Goddamn you for that

When the snow stacked up outside You looked around I could see you from the window I could see the snow coming down I know you're changing Damn you I know you're changing Goddamn you

#the mountain goats #tmg #snow crush killing song #lofi #live #1995 #2002

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joanofarc · 2 years

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snow crush killing song, styrofoam (2003).

i know you’re changing damn you i know you’re changing god damn you

#snow crush killing song #styrofoam #electronic #the mountain goats #indietronica #morr music #morr #plinkerpop #folktronica #heart without a mind #sing a song

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ai-generated-tmg-images · 2 years

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“You come at me with all your hot lights on display” (”Snow Crush Killing Song”)

#dalle #the mountain goats #snow crush killing song #sweden

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bloodstainsontengensfloor · 6 months

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The way that Snow was so convinced Hijacked Peeta would kill Katniss because snow definitely saw a bit of himself in Peeta. He too fell in love with a girl because of a song and he knows what it’s like to be in love, or at least he thinks he does. He was so quick to turn on Lucy Gray, the girl who sang and caused him to fall, so Peeta should be the same. Peeta too has a love rival, who knew his crush longer and better, but isn’t she supposed to be your’s? But Snow doesn’t understand real, REAL, love, like Lucy Gray’s love for him, and how no matter how hijacked Peeta was, he would still fight himself for Katniss.

#the hunger games #ballad of songbirds and snakes #everlark #snowbaird #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #hijacked peeta #coriolanus snow #lucy gray baird #I’m feral about this #i literally lay awake at night thinking about this #it’s interesting too bc Peeta is so similar to Lucy Gray too #like Peeta is the performer and he knows how to work the crowds and he knows people and he believes people are good #so essentially Snow underestimated how much like Lucy Gray Peeta actually was

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i-am-mldy · 5 months

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This has all been said before but I just need to put it in my own words.

Snow truly believe he had Peeta after the hijacking, right on the palm of his hand, to be wielded like a knife that would always strike true into Katniss's heart. Because that's humanity for Snow — animals whose hunger can be twisted and corrupted, and would kill to sate it. To him, this boy from 12 was just a smoothtalker who trailed after his childhood crush like a lovesick puppy, had his feelings manipulated by this stubborn brunette from 12 who could sing, just like how Snow was.

So he sought to twist that adoration into something ugly, feeding the mistrust and indignance that he thought was in Peeta, thinking them powerful enough to overshadow any affection. Because that was what happened to Snow. Lucy Gray is wrong once again. Snow lands on top.

But no. Despite it all, Peeta's heart, who he is at his core, survived because Snow never really understood him.

Though Katniss had Lucy Gray's songs and heritage, Peeta had her heart. The pair of them combined was the true threat. Two halves of a Lucy Gray.

Lucy Gray and Peeta didn't hunger.

They fed.

Him with his burnt bread, and her with her haunting songs.

#tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #suzzane collins

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homunculus-argument · 3 months

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Your post a couple days ago about reading things you acknowledge as silly nonsense and not the Height Of Intellectual Literature, and letting yourself enjoy it anyway, unearthed a memory for me that I just. I'm sorry, I just need to share this.

So, there was a phase I had, years ago now, where I for some reason ended up somewhat regularly reading James Bond books whenever I was in the mood for something light and kinda dumb but entertaining to read (I was reading Outlander and A Song of Ice and Fire at the time as well, never finished either of those series tho, so I kinda ended up reading lighter stuff in between those long books to relax and let my brain take a breather if that makes sense). I honestly couldn't tell you which books I read, and it wasn't in any particular order, it was sort of like, starting with whatever my dad had in the shelf and then continuing with whatever the library happened to have. Some of what I read were the original ones written by Ian Fleming, some were by later authors. Idk, point is, it was light spy-adventure nonsense I read when I didn't have the energy to think too deep about what I was reading.

Sorry about how long I took to get to the point, but, anyway. There was this one James Bond book I picked up mostly because hehe suomi mainittu. Not by Fleming, one of the later authors, I remember neither the author name nor the book name and can't be assed to google it rn. Anyway, a fair amount of the plot of that book took place in Finland. I could not say for the life of me what the actual plot of it was, just that part of it was set here. I remember like exactly two details about it, and both of those I only remember because I thought they were funny back when I was reading it.

One of those details was that there was a bit of Bond's internal monologue at some point that was just him basically being a whiny bitch about the fact that he thought the sort of thick winter clothes you need for Finnish winters didn't make him look sexy

The other is that there was a scene where the baddies tried to kill him by ??? crushing his car (while he was driving on some little road somewhere in the middle of nowhere) between two lumiauras??? like i just. that seems like a highly impractical way to attempt to kill anyone, but sure (ja sori siitä et mä en ny suoraan muista et mikä helvetti lumiaura on englanniks, mut sä ny puhut suomee kuiteski)

Idk you talking about silly stuff in books just unearthed this memory for me, no idea why, and i just needed to share it with someone

It's a snow plough. The english word for lumiaura is snow plough. Also that mental image is hilarious.

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esther-dot · 3 months

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We Will Be the Walls of this House 27k @tornadodream

"She stood firm, her clutch steady against his forearm. 'You are my brother.' 'No,' he said, and his voice was gravelly. 'No, I am no brother of yours, Sansa Stark.'" The war has taken much from both of them. But when Jon Snow returns from the south as the new Region-King of the North, Sansa Stark knows that the best way to secure Winterfell for the both of them is a marriage that neither of them want, but the marriage that they both know that they need.

To Be Alone With You 10k @methedras

If he willed it, Sansa would make a Stark of Jon. One way or another.

I'm Holding You Closer Than Most Because You Are My Heaven 8k by @sansaswolfbits

Perhaps she deserves more than a man who loves another woman, but it's him she wants, so she'll take whatever part of him she can have. She's grown used to pretending, how hard can it be?

want me to love you in moderation? well don't you know, i wish i could 8k by @sansaswolfbits

He had Winterfell and Sansa, and everything that should have been Robb's, or Bran's or Rickon's, and now hers, and he couldn't even allow himself to enjoy it. The guilt was eating him up, tearing away pieces of him every single day and keeping him up at night. All of his brothers—who had never been his true brothers—had died so that he could be Lord of Winterfell, so that he could use the girl he'd once called sister to take everything that was hers for his own. Even with Jon it was just her claim he needed. But at least to him, Winterfell was more than a keep and a title. He understood what her home meant to her. They shared the same memories and suffered the same losses. Jon cared for her, but he didn't love her the way a man should love his lady wife.

Finding Love in the Strangest Places 50k

The Rebellion didn't happen till Next Gen: Arya was engaged to Joffery and eloped/was kidnapped by Aegon. Robb and his father Brandon went down to King's Landing and Mad King Rhaegar killed them. Now Jon has to marry Robb's betrothed Sansa Tully. Sansa had a crush on Robb and now has to marry his sullen younger brother before he goes off to war.

The Northern Crown 2k by @hkafterdark

They were married in the Godswood as the snow fell around them.

The Quiet Balance of Wolves 12k by @sevensneakyfoxes

Regardless of what may or may not linger between them, he knows exactly the horrible position he is putting Sansa in: her home and freedom for another interloper in her bed. Jon cannot put her through it again. “My brother knew that the blood of dragons needed to flow in the North, and despite his misguided attempts at creating a lineage, I am starting to understand why. Wolves and dragons were meant to balance each other." Jon is thoroughly sick of prophecies; blood is blood - spilt, it looks the same red on snow. -- Daenerys and Jon make a deal. Jon barters poorly.

Seasons of Wine 1k by @geekprincess26

Sansa still drinks wine only when she has to. Every so often, as the world changes at a dizzying pace around her and her cousin Jon, she has to.

Say Your Vows Against My Skin 8k by @madamebaggio

Jon had married Sansa to protect the North. At least, that was what she thought. Sansa had married Jon to be protected. At least, that was he thought. Their marriage might have started for political reasons, but they love each other. Now if they'd could only say that to each other... Fortunately, one night makes them realize they might've been missing something significant about their relationship.

Duty, Desire, or Love 2k by @damdamfino

Sansa’s duty as Queen is to give the King an heir. But what if that is the only reason Jon is so gentle and caring to her? Would everything change if she told him she was with child? What if she wanted to pretend…for just a little longer.

What Grows in Winter 3k by @orangeflavoryawp

“There are too many years ahead to think of the years before.” - Jon and Sansa. Through the years of a harsh winter, they tend their love.

The Songs Never Mentioned the Scars 2k by @azulaahai

Sansa could hear how naïve it sounded even as she thought it, but the only thing she could think was - not Jon. Jon would never. Jon, her sweet Jon, who's first words to her after their wedding in the godswood had been that Ghost was her wolf now as much as his (which was so adorable and silly that Sansa never failed to smile when she thought about it), who knew exactly what it meant to grow up a bastard - would that man start visiting a brothel without explanation?

time goes by go and i can't control my mind (just keep breathin') 10k by @ladyalice101

“She’s grieving," Arya says, "I’ve never seen her like this and I don’t think she should be alone, but I - . . . have you ever seen her so sad?” Jon’s face has pulled down, the lines etched across it deeper than she’s ever seen them, and there’s a true sorrow in his eyes. “Once or twice,” he answers quietly. “You’re right, she shouldn’t be alone." - We have sad Sansa being comforted by Jon, we have arranged marriage, we have pining, we have feasts, we have bed sharing! This one is just chock full of tropes friends.

Take Me To Wife 1k

When the liege-lords and bannermen to House Stark find out that their king is not who they thought he was, a solution is suggested in the hope of restoring peace among his subjects.

All My Days 74k by @kit-kat21

The night before, as Sansa oversaw the packing of her trunks – her chamber at Winterfell being emptied of her possessions to take to her new home with her – she had asked her brother to describe her soon-to-be husband because Robb hadn’t even supplied a sketch of the man. “Well, he’s… pretty,” Robb decided after a moment’s contemplation. “Pretty?” Sansa’s eyebrows both raised at that.

Put Your Hands on My Waist, Do It Softly 1k by @kitten1618x

The Great War has ended, and Jon and Sansa have wed, but a marriage of convenience has evolved to so much more. As the frigid winter winds whip about outside the walls of Winterfell, Jon suggests something new to take the chill off, testing the boundaries of Sansa's trust in him.

tongue-tied disservice 9k by @ava-rosier

Jon and Sansa are wedded and bedded for the good of the realm.

Strange Bedfellows 7k

Married at Daenerys' behest, Sansa and Jon take a chance and open up to one another on their wedding night.

forbidden fruit's in season 13k by @bravegentlestrong

Jon and Sansa get married. For political reasons. And heir producing purposes. They only have sex this much for the good of the realm. There is a 0% chance they're secretly in love. Alternatively titled "Newsflash, asshole! I've been in love with you this entire goddamn time!"

Jon Snow's 5 Infallible Steps to a Successful Marriage 1k by @azulaahai

By mutual agreement, Jon and Sansa do not share the lord’s bedchamber.

Beasts of Seasons 69k incomplete

She had prepared her words and her actions meticulously.She hadn’t prepared to actually see him. Or, Jon and Sansa reunite and things don't go according to plan, forcing Sansa to reevaluate her identity and her loyalties and forcing Jon to come back to himself. Post-ADWD, bookverse fic. Jon and Sansa reunite on campaign to win back Winterfell.

i could offer you a warm embrace 10k by @amymel86

Of course he wants to keep his newly earned grotesque covered. He’s seen it in the looking glass; a sightless milk-white eye surrounded by angry puckered red scarring from brow to temple. Jon is not a vain man, but no one wants to witness their king’s weaknesses, least of all his wife who had once dreamt that her husband should be a beautiful, fair-haired prince. Well now you have a half-blind brother king.

Hard times for Dreamers 4k by @comma-spice (this was posted in 2014)

She shouldn't feel saddened by his outward lack of affection. Outside of their separate chambers Jon was a good, dutiful husband. He tried to see the logic behind her requests, agreeing on the importance of Bran sitting with them during the morning petitions, and riding out to Wintertown to visit the smallfolk. They rarely fought, and when they did an easy compromise was often found. More importantly he was kind, which was something she had long come to accept as impossible in a husband. Sansa is Bran's Regent and she starts to suspect perhaps she and her husband have built their marriage on a misunderstanding.

time's been kind to you, my love 23k orphaned

Sansa knows her loyalties lie with the Northern independence. Robb might have forgotten her, but she hasn’t forgotten him. Married to Tyrion, beaten by Joffrey- she’s never allowed herself to forget. Sansa has Stark engraved deep into her blood and bone. She’s been a quiet girl for long enough: wolves are protective of their own, after all, and it’s time she lived up to that.

[Aged up Jon and Sansa, set in an universe where, on Jon’s fourteenth birthday, Ned tells him his true parentage and Jon goes to Essos instead of the Wall; upon hearing of Sansa’s predicament in King’s Landing, he returns with an army.]

and I'm like falling water, set me free 2k by @aflashofgreen

Sansa resents these childish dreams of hers she can’t let go of despite the years. She resents them as much as she cherishes them.

From a Flicker to a Glow 8k by @dresupi

In retrospect, it was stupid to think Joffrey Baratheon had ever intended to propose marriage, but Sansa Stark is often blinded by wolves in sheep's clothing, especially if they have very fine wool. Jon arrives to save her, reminding her of the knights in the stories she enjoyed as a girl, complete with a white horse and all. But is he only offering to save her because she needs saving? If so, will that be enough foundation upon which to build a marriage?

but you're the one that i want; is that really so wrong? 4k orphaned

In light of the North’s demand for a marriage alliance, Jon and Sansa have some long-harbored matters to discuss.

Fill the Earth 6k by @darkmagyk

Arya Stark is a simple girl with simple desires: a prosperous North, a safe family, a large pack. And that her favorite brother and only sister would get on with the heir making business. She cannot have a niece until they are properly bedded. But as always, Jon and Sansa are being difficult.

And the Geese Are Headed North 13k by @yekoc

In the dark and honest part of her that Sansa is no longer afraid of, she had thought that Jon would die, and she was no sadder than she was relieved. In the months that she ruled Winterfell while the great war of men and wights waged around them, she felt herself growing into her power, sinking her roots back deep into the Northern soil. She enjoyed it, ruling. She was good at it. And at night, she had a wide bed and a door that locked and she was never cold. If Jon died in the war, she would miss him like she missed Robb and Rickon and Bran. She wouldn’t miss her husband. Seeing him now, she notes the absence of the relief and joy that marked her first glimpse of him at Castle Black. Instead, she feels a too-familiar grief: my brother is gone.

PRE CANON - WESTERN- FAIRYTALE - REGENCY - LITTLE WOMEN - HOLIDAY - SEASON 6 - ANNE OF GREEN GABLES - THE GIRL IN GREY - FREE CITIES - FAIRYTALE PART II - SALTY TEENS - POST CANON

#jonsa #jonsa fic #political marriage au #arranged marriage au #marriage of convenience au #dot fic list #(salty teens and rhaegar wins AUs have such a distinct vibe I’m giving them their own lists)

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gallifreyanhotfive · 3 months

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Random Doctor Who Facts You Might Not Know, Part 10

After the Doctor left Gallifrey, the Master and the Rani were so desperate to find him that they kidnapped and interrogated a retired CIA agent named Maris, who had been hired to find him. Maris unfortunately had no idea where he went, but before they could kill her, she was extracted from the situation.

Sabbath Dei cut out the Eighth Doctor's second heart and put it in his own chest.

In an alternate timeline, the Sixth Doctor was imprisoned in the Tower of London for a hundred years and had both of his legs cut off. By refusing to give the Dalek also imprisoned an order, he ensures that the Dalek will kill him.

William Shakespeare and Richard III swapped places in history, so anything "Shakespeare" did from 1597 onwards was actually done by Richard III.

After regenerating, the Ninth Doctor smashed every mirror in the TARDIS, swearing that he would never look at what face he was wearing after killing billions of people. He would eventually look in a mirror again after meeting Rose Tyler, and his meeting with Rose actually occurred after much more time had passed than you might think.

In the UNIT Black Archive, there is a photograph of Mike Yates and Sara Kingdom, suggesting that they interacted at some point.

The Fifth Doctor was once paralyzed from the waist down in a spaceship crash and remained that way for most of the adventure. By the end of the story, he had been healed by nanites.

The Doctor's older brother Braxiatel was Lord Burner at one point, the personal assassin of the President who burned people out of history. After being ordered to burn an old man and his granddaughter running away from Gallifrey, he let them go, and the President who gave him the order mysteriously died when one of the power relays in his office overloaded. Braxiatel led an inquiry on the matter and declared it to be nothing more than an accident.

River Song believes that the Doctor had a crush on the Rani while they were at the Academy.

At the summit of Mount Cadon on Gallifrey, one can see the whole of time itself, but people hardly ever reach it because a hallucinogenic compound in the snow stops them. While a TARDIS can materialize at the top, this is apparently "cheating" according to the Doctor. The Academy is at the foot of Mount Cadon, and it is also the site of the House of Lungbarrow.

The Doctor remembers attempting to climb Mount Cadon several times. On one such attempt, Vansell broke his leg.

When the Eighth Doctor ran into the Brigadier again after regaining his memories from another bout of amnesia, he said he felt much safer with him.

The Third Doctor's tattoo was given to him by the Time Lords to mark that he was in exile. It is basically the equivalent of a brand or a big scarlet letter.

Mustard gas can be fatal to a Time Lord.

Kamelion and K-9 can both be damaged by water.

As Time Tots, the Rani and the Doctor would play hide-and-seek. She was incredibly irritated by the Doctor's exceptional ability to find her hiding spots.

The physical appearance of a Time Lord is but a small aspect of their true forms. In reality, Time Lords are vast, multi-dimensional beings existing in the metaspace realm. These forms are completely invisible to humans.

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

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mazeinthemiroh · 2 years

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ateez masterlist ~

ot8

sfw alphabets - hongjoong, seonghwa, yunho, yeosang, san, mingi, wooyoung, jongho

boyfriend headcanons - hongjoong, seonghwa, yunho, yeosang, san, mingi, wooyoung, jongho

- reactions

their s/o being in need of comfort

s/o being shy but likes giving back hugs

to a period cramp simulator

with a younger s/o

with an older s/o

with a tall s/o

their dancer s/o

their s/o having bad period pains

finding out their s/o have been skipping meals

their crush complimenting and flirting with them

having to kiss their crush in a drama

their multilingual s/o

their boxer s/o teasing them for their rocky performance

someone pointing out the scars on their s/o's face

waking up to kisses

their s/o dancing with them in the kitchen

crushing on an atiny

their s/o trying to get their attention when their playing video games

ateez reactions to an idol hitting on their s/o

ateez reactions to their s/o drinking too much caffeine

how would ateez react to a s/o that gets shy easily

when their s/o decides to sleep in a closet after an argument

ateez reactions to their s/o watching a thirst trap of another member

ateez when their calm friend gets mad/upset

ateez reactions to their s/o being pregnant

- scenarios

how ateez act around their crush

how ateez likes to be comforted

when they realise they love you

hot things ateez do in a relationship

comforting their s/o when they have bad dreams

confessing their love to their best friend

when their s/o is insecure about their body (plus-sized)

when their s/o writing notes for them

when they find their s/o sleeping on the couch

when their s/o's bias is another member

when their s/o asks who the prettiest prince/princess is

when they move in with their s/o

ateez in an argument (part 1)

ateez in an argument - making up (part 2)

giving their s/o partner privileges

when their s/o reacts to their new hair colour

catching their s/o singing/dancing to their songs

- headcanons

ateez as best friends

when their s/o goes to the gym with them

ateez as ex boyfriends

best friend! ateez wishing they were dating you

signs ateez would show when they're in love

ateez being obsessed with their s/o's boobs

hongjoong

familiar stranger (one-shot) - 1.3k

k. (one-shot) - 1k

[11:52 am]

you need a holiday [part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5]

seonghwa

guardian angel - (fic. bad boy! highschool! au) - 3.8k

noodle night - (drabble. best friend! au)

yunho

[10:52pm]

the worthy type - 1.7k

yeosang

we are tragic (one-shot) 1.1k

[6:13pm]

san

kill them with kindness - 3.4k

square pants - 1.4k

minty fever - 1.6k

mingi

stormy nights (drabble)

bad boy / punk headcanons

the beauty of boxes (one-shot) - 0.9k

[9:46pm]

wooyoung

[3:29 pm]

jongho

snow stained with blood (one-shot) 0.9k

#ateez #atz #ateez masterlist #kpop #kpop masterlist #masterlist

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regalevansworth · 1 year

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Loving you

(Songfic — ‘Back to December’ by Taylor Swift)

Pairing : Chris Evans x Male Reader

Summery : Christmas is said to be the festival of joy and happiness. But for you, it brings the unbearable burn of old wounds. The ones you are so desperate to heal, to make all right. But will he ever give you the chance? After all you did to him? The pain, the heartbreak you caused him? Do you really deserve it? Unbeknownst to you, the person still aches for your love. He still stands where you left him, waiting for you to come back.

Warnings/tags : No warnings. Pure angst & fluff

A/N : First of all, I'd like to thank all of you for giving my Lloyd Hansen fic so much love. It truly means a lot. And secondly, this is a small (late) Christmas gift for my Tumblr fam.I actually have a Chris Hemsworth fic already in the work, which hopefully will be released soon. In the meantime, enjoy this angsty fluffy treat that came in my mind outta nowhere. Back to December is one of my favourite Taylor Swift songs and converting it into a fic was interesting. Hope you love it. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

There is a party at the community park today. The party of Christmas Eve. People are going to gather around and make merry as the season of Christmas settles around. Being one of the biggest community in Boston, the people held no reservation against making it ostentatious. You also heard that a special guest is to come with their family but the identity of the person is rather undisclosed. A surprise sort of.

As a part of this community you are also going to attend the party. And having a good reputation for being a 'singer-in-the-making', also at the insistence of nearly everyone at the community, you complied to perform at least one song on the function.

You sigh as you shrug on your jacket. Your parents and siblings are already there waiting for you. Pocketing your woolen beanie, you head towards the door of your modern house and step outside.

As soon as you close the door behind you, the cold December air hit you, making your eyes water and chills erupting all over your body despite your warm getup. A blanket of thick snow covering all over the surface.

December, you think wishfully as you start to make your way to the community park. So many sweet memories but one can find the sourness of some particular memories if they take their time to sort through them. But one thing you know for a fact, yours can be found very easily. Because they're fresh yet old. Laced with so much pain, heartbreak and an unforgettable end.

You shake your head, determined not to think about them. You need a calm mind to roll the lyrics around your lips. You don't need past memories to sour your mood lest you want to disappoint the audience.

Past, you scoffed inwardly. One year isn't past. Not when the time has barely passed for you. Yes, you still think about that December. It's as if you haven't moved past it yet. Your guilt and regret constantly pulls you towards that endless abyss.

Because you know that, it was your fault. He was the victim. He gave all his love, his precious heart. But you crushed all of it with your bare hands. Still, you could've apologized, but you didn't. You can't blame it entirely on less of opportunities. Because there was plenty. But being the coward you were, you didn't even make a move. And it kills you every single day, awaken and asleep.

He has probably moved on. But you couldn't. You can't. You're still looking forward to a chance. And if it never shows up, you are going to live an incomplete life. Is it worth living?

Finally reaching your destination, you let your gaze roam over the entire scene. Christmas lights all over the area. On the trees, benches, stalls, everywhere. Children running and playing around, gleeful in their own joy. Adults laughing, boisterous. Clapping each other on back, drinking.

There is a stage on the corner where musical instruments are kept. That's where you'll be singing. You can see an elderly couple sitting on a far bench. The man unwrapping his muffler from his neck and wrapping it around his wife's. You smile softly at the display inspite of yourself.

Taking a deep breath, you enter the joy ground. Closing all of your mindless thought at the back of your mind. Masking your expressing with a picture of complete enthusiasm. Why showing them what they'll never understand? You are content in suffering on your own, that's what you deserve.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

December, Chris thinks as he drives his family car to where they're invited to a Christmas party today. December used to be his favourite time of the year. But now it only brings the pain and confusion he felt last December when the person he loved and cherished the most left him.

Yes, that is the word. LEFT him. But never bothered to tell him why. The answer to that why, he craves it just as much as the survivors of a desert craves water. Sometimes the crave suffocates him. Then he remembers the beautiful time they had passed. The blossoming love brimming both of their hearts.

Chris could feel himself lost in those beautiful eyes whenever he looked down in them. Could feel himself bewitched by that beautiful smile. So delicate, so lovely. He could feel himself floating by that beautiful twinkling laughter that never failed to put a fond smile on his face

He thought he could never hear his name so beautiful coming out of someone untill he heard the breathless ‘Chris’s falling from those sinful lips. Every kiss, every intimate moment they shared was precious to him. Because it felt so right.

Then what happened? When did it all go wrong? Did he do something that could jeopardize their relationship? Was his love not enough? Was he not enough? He could swear he felt the same amount of love pouring from that person. Then why the goodbye?

He wants the answers. But more than anything, he wants that person back in his life. Back in his arms. To give their love a second chance. But how? He doesn't know. All he ever knows is that their love was everything to him. He could never love anyone like that. Their love was it for him.

Reaching where they're invited, Chris parked the car along with the other ones on the parking spot and got out. They used to live here once. Therefore so many of their close friends are from this community and insisted them to be their guest on this party. Tucking his hands inside his pockets, he makes his way inside the park along with family, Scott, Lisa and two of his nephews.

People immediately spot them and greet them. Some of them already started to take pictures with him. As the night progresses, he found himself genuinely enjoy talking with old friends and just being himself.

After awhile, there is a slight commotion from the mic on the stage and one of the hosts clears his throat, grabbing everyone's attention. “Merry Christmas and a very good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It is so nice to have all of here today. Our celebration of Christmas Eve this year couldn't have been more perfect. I'd like to thank Mr. Chris Evans and his family for accepting our invitation and joining with us. Now, we also have someone here to make our evening even more brighter. A lot of you have guessed already, I know. They have the sweetest voice to enlighten all our mood. So please welcome on stage, (Y/N) (L/N)!!”

Chris's heart stops beating in his chest in time of a loud cheers erupting all over the audience. He completely froze. (Y/N)? His (Y/N)? Beside him, he can feel his mom and Scott stiffen. He doesn't know what to do. Laugh? Cry? He just stands there, eyes glued on the stage.

Then a figure starts to slowly approach from the backstage. Dressed in white t-shirt, dark jacket, dark jeans and boots. As the spotlight steadily falls on the figure, their beautiful face comes to view.

Chris felt as if his breath has been knocked out of his lungs. He can't move, feels like he's shaken to his very core. His (Y/N), the love of his life standing there on stage with a mic in his hand. Beautiful as ever.

One year, but your beauty still doesn't fail to leave him breathless. Lips parted in a small smile, delicate hands clutching the mic, wavy hair flailing about from the gentle breeze, you looked etherial to him. Your wide eyes searching the crowd. Those eyes, he thinks. He just wants to jump on the stage and take you in his arm, never let you go.

But he can't. It's like a wall has been built between you two. One word is echoing in his mind, 'why'. Why did you do what you did all those months ago? But at the same time he's scared to ask, scared to know even. He can't be vulnerable again, not before you. He has to be strong.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

You saw him right the moment you step into the stage. How could you not. You loved this person too much to not spot him, even in this crowd of so many people. Okay, maybe that's too much. Any one could spot him anywhere, even from a mile afar. Because he is The Chris Evans. But for you, he was only Chris. Your Chris.

Your heart hasn't calm down since you've seen him. You feel as if it's going to burst out of your chest any time now. You're only able to maintain your composure because they're so many people watching you right now. Even if your eyes are slightly widened.

But, God does he look handsome. He always does. That muscular figure clad in black button-up, slacks, suit jacket and shoes. He has overgrown his beard, through which once you loved to run your fingers. The delicious coarseness you felt everytime it brushed against one of your body parts. Your neck, chin, inner thighs......you blush immediately at your train of thoughts.

But what you loved most about him, was his eyes. So blue, it pierces right through your soul. Eyes that are now averting yours. Shame and guilt bubbled up inside you at his action. He has his guards up. Why shouldn't he? After all you did to him.

He deserves someone better. Someone that'll love him, trust him just as much as he does. Not some coward. Maybe he has already found that person, maybe they're happy. He doesn't love you anymore, you think disgustedly. But you do owe him an apology. But you are not so eloquent with your words. Still there is something to help you today.

You look down on the mic in your hand and make your mind. Stealing one last glance at him, you nod at the host and the instrument players and make you way towards the front of the stage. Closing your eyes, you begin.....

💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍💙🤍

I'm so glad you made time to see me How's life, tell me how's your family I haven't seen them in a while

You open your eyes and look over in time to see Chris's mom giving you a small smile and Scott waving at you. You smile back and let your gaze flit over to where Chris is standing, eyes glued to you. You feel your cheeks heaten up.

Meanwhile Chris is transfixed by your voice. He can't believe how sweet you sound. You used to sing to him at night and he always encouraged you. He believed you could be a great singer one day, he just couldn't get you out of your shyness. And here you are today. Displaying your talent and making his heart feel full.

You've been good, busier than ever We small talk, work and the weather Your guard is up and I know why

You drop your gaze to the ground. Somehow ashamed to look at anyone. Chris looks away as the reality of the song slowly dawns on him.

Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind You gave me roses and I left them there to die

Yes, Chris can remember that night. He came home from a 2 days shoot to see the bouquet of your favorite roses that he sent to you with a 'Merry early Christmas, love' card laying on the tea-table haphazardly. Almost rotten. Just beside the bouquet was a letter, you letter, saying this wasn't working for you anymore and you're leaving. He cried so much that night that he had a constant migraine the next day.

So this is me swallowing my pride Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night And I go back to December all the time

You and Chris make eye contact for the first time and Chris can see the plea and intent in them. Your beautiful eyes shining with unshed tears making his eyes water as well.

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine

Chris was the best thing that had ever happened to you. No one ever loved you and cherished you like he did. His love was so selfless and you miss it. Miss all of it.

Chris can see the longing in your eyes. He misses you just as much you miss him. But he's too afraid to say it out loud.

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright I go back to December all the time

Yes you want to. God do you want to just go back in time and change all of it. If it means to have him back, you'd do anything.

Chris also wants nothing else than go back in time and keep you from leaving.

As the instruments plays in the background, you two stare at each other and just wonder what went wrong. You know what went wrong. But you don't know at the same time. It frustrates you so much you can't even explain.

These days I haven't been sleeping staying up playing back myself leaving When your birthday passed and I didn't call

On every birthday of Chris during your time together, you were the first one to call him and wish him Happy Birthday when he was away. Even after your breakup, you desperately wanted to call him just as always. But you couldn't find it yourself to get to dial his number. Couldn't find a reason.

Chris remembers his birthday this year. The first thing he did after waking up was checking his phone. It was as if on instinct. Like he was waiting for your call or message. But he couldn't find any. Among so many well wishers, there wasn't you. And it crushed his heart even more. You could at least give him a text. But you didn't.

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side And realized I loved you in the fall

“You know we could be lounging in our pool right now?” You huffed and glared at Chris from the passenger seat. Chris, with his one hand on the steering wheel and the other petting dodger's head, gave you a broad grin, “But baby, this is much more fun” he countered. You rolled you eyes and made a face, “What? Fishing in this summer heat? I swear Chris, if I get a sunburn on anywhere on my body, I'm not letting you touch me for the entire week.” You crossed you arms over your chest and stared ahead. Chris only laughed and pulled you in a kiss. You couldn't help but smile into the kiss.

The memory brings a soft smile in your face as you sing the lyrics. From few feet away, Chris also smiled at the same memory. Both of you felt the love and it went even more deeper when you walked hand in hand on the evenings of fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind you gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

Fear. It was fear that made you do all the things you did to him. You feared your love wouldn't stay the same. You feared it'd inevitably end in heartbreak. You feared Chris was too good to be true. But at the same time, you knew you were being unreasonable. The fear of losing him was so great that you started backing up from the relationship. Leaving him entirely clueless as to why you felt like that.

Chris notes the slight quiver in your voice. And suddenly, something clicks inside him. With a frown on his face, he remembers how you to started detach yourself from him in the prior months to your breakup. You started to withdraw yourself more and more. And whenever he looked into your eyes, he saw something imperceptible. What was it? Was it fear? Fear of what? He never bothered to ask you and now he feels the regret come crashing down on him.

Coming back to present, he looks over at you. But you are looking at anywhere but him. Like you're ashamed. Like you revealed something really personal.

So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night And I go back to December all the time

You wish he'd know how sorry you are. You want to scream at the top of your lungs, beg for forgiveness. You can't stay alive knowing you brought a pain so vicious. Reminder of it will eat you every day.

it turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind I go back to December all the time

You just want to go back and change all the things that went wrong. Change your mind about leaving him. But you can't change the past, even if you wanted so desperately. Life isn't some science-fiction. You nearly laughed at the irony of your song and reality.

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile so good to me, so right

You sing the lyrics with a slight head tilt and sad smile on your face all the while looking at him. Your eyes are misty but you don't seem to care.

Chris can see the open longing in your eyes. And he realizes for the first time that you still love him. You still love him to miss him like that. He can't breath and just stares at you, studies you.

And how you held me in your arms that September night the first time you ever saw me cry

Chris has always been a constant source of comfort to you. Whenever you felt sad or felt like crying, he'd wrap his strong arms around you and hold you tightly. He would shush you gently and kiss your forehead. He was someone that you could easily confide in and take refuge in his strength. So warm and so right.

Maybe this is wishful thinking probably mindless dreaming But if we loved again I swear I'd love you right

Chris feels dizzy. Because it's not your wishful thinking nor some mindless dreaming. He wants that too. So desperately. And he doesn't have to look in your eyes to see that you mean it.

But then, just as quickly, your expression changes. Morphs into something more difficult to understand. He watches you blink several times and look down before continuing.....

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't so if the chain is on your door, I understand

You don't want to lift your expectations too high. Why should he open the doors to his heart once more for you? You don't deserve it.

Chris watches the hard acceptance on your features. He wants rush to you and show you that he is still yours. He hasn't moved on. But he stays glued to the ground. Why everything has to be so hard for both of you?

But this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night And I go back to December It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind I go back to December all the time

You feel so exhausted at once. More than you felt for a long time. You just want this to end, want your sufferings to end. You can't keep fighting anymore.

All the time

With the song concluding it's final note, Chris watches as a silent tear slide down your cheek, making his heart shatter into million pieces. He hates your tears. Especially when he can do nothing about it.

You slowly open your eyes and let your gaze roam over the silent crowd. A flush of embarrassment creeps up your cheeks as the reality dawns on you. But it doesn't matter anymore. You have done what you wanted to do. Now you just want to get out of here. Away from here.

Scrambling, you excuse yourself from the audience and rush out of the scene, wiping your tears, not looking at anyone. You're angry at yourself for showing this much vulnerability in front of everyone, especially him. He must be thinking what a fool you are. Must be laughing at you right now.

Chris watches with dread as you leave hastily. No, this is his chance, to make everything right between you. Your fate brought you together this day. Exactly one year after that nightmare. Destiny has given you both a chance and he can't lose it, even if his life is dependend on it.

He feels a hand on his shoulder. Turning around he sees his mom and Scott nodding at him. Go, they want to say. Go get him.

Wasting no more time, Chris runs after you. Determined to not to let you go this time.

Walking has never felt like a chore before. Your legs feel like they'll give out at any time. You feel your phone vibrating in your pocket. Sniffing, you reach out to pull out your phone. It's your dad. Probably calling to check in on you, seeing how you left. But you don't want to talk to any one right now. You want to be alone. Shutting off your phone, you put it inside your pocket and resume walking.

Suddenly you feel a strong grip around your wrist, tugging you back. You yelp and bump against what must've been a brick wall. But it's someone's chest. Someone you're so strongly familiar with, someone you're connected to the heart.

“Running away from me again?” that deep baritone voice, making you look up into the owners piercing blue eyes.

“Chris” you whisper, making his heart set ablaze. He clutches your hands close to his chest. You two are standing so close that you can feel his body heat wafting off of him. It's taking all of your willpower not to snuggle close. Chase that warmth.

Chris can't stop looking into your eyes. It still feels so surreal to have you close to him again. You feel perfect tucked against him. Like you two are two puzzles fitting around all edges. And he knows then and there, that he'll have you again. Make you his again.

But then you gently push him away, making unwanted distance between you. Looking away, you ask him, “What're you doing here?” “I'm here to get back what's mine” he replies, looking at you intently.

You shake your head, not understanding, “Why?” you ask. Your eyes going watery again and you hate yourself for it. Hate yourself for even seeing the beacon of hope.

Chris gently takes you by the shoulder and looks deeply into your eyes, “Because I love you” he whispers. And you can see the truth behind his words. There is no hesitation behind it. No cruel joke. But still you're confused. Why would he love you after....

“But I hurt you” you said, not looking at him. Waiting to be laughed in the face. But it never comes. Instead, you feel his callaused, rough palm on your cheek, turning your face towards him. “Yes, you did.” he said making you feel worse than you ever felt now that you heard it from him.

Then he took your hand in his and gently put it over his chest where his heart is steadily beating. “But the hurt wasn't greater than what I felt in here. And do you know what that is?” he asks. You can only stare dumbly at him, too shoked to say anything.

“Your love”, he declares. And he says it so reverently that you feel your legs slowly giving out. Is it truly happening? Or is it some cruel game of fate? You are completely dumbstruck. You feel like you're going to break into tears any time. You are beyond ecstatic.

Finally, not being able to hold back anymore, you reach up and crash your lips onto his. Chris returns the kiss just as eagerly. He snakes his strong arms around your waist and pulls you even more closer. You get on your tiptoes and wrap your arms around his neck to fully submit into the kiss.

The kiss is feverish. Laced with the pain of a year of longing. You both kiss like it's the end of time and you're never going to get the chance again. Chris licks your bottom lip, asking for access. You comply happily and let him deepen the kiss.

So what if the pain is still fresh? What if things are yet to gain semblance? You both simply don't care as long as you have each other. You'll work on your faults and make your relationship better. You'll grow to love and trust each other once again. This is a promise of giving your everything to the other person. Destiny has brought you together in this moment to simply give each the love you preserved in your hearts.

As you break the kiss and stare deeply into his eyes, you know that you'll give your everything to make this work. You'll love him as long as he'll allow you to and looking at him you know that he's not leaving you anytime soon.

With a sigh you bury yourself in his warm embrace as the snow starts to fall around you like a blessing from the sky itself.

“I love you, Chris”

“I love you too, baby”