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monster-energies · 1 year

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always a woman

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

pairing: severus snape/reader

summary: severus snape had always fallen for every little trait of yours, you have always made his life feel like the warmest hug there is. you do everything to make him happy but now he feels its the right time to make you happy only in the best way possible.

warnings: the lightest of angsts, if you squint but other than that, all round fluff

rating: general audiences

ʚ♡ɞ please click here if you would like to be apart of my taglist

ʚ♡ɞ taglist: @insomniacaesthetic @eternal-silvertongued-prince @sevsssnape @mirarenwick @diamondbitch116 @mamawolfsmith16 @nickangel13 @a-queen-and-her-throne @deepperplexity @amazingzou @yan-senna @yellowbadgermole @sevssillyincantations @alisongurl13 @inflation-of-mind @ilomessiah @maitre-de-marionnettes @impulse-anchor @multifandomgeeks @lady0fmischief

word count: 3048

this oneshot can be found on archive of our own

author’s note:

title's namesake: the song always a woman by billy joel

guys. she is back EVERYONE CLAP.

well i say i return but then i disappear due to writers block and creative burnout for almost a year 😐🧍🏼♀️ i would type out my authors note disappearing reasons, but i genuinely think i would be here all day BWHAHAHAH,,,,anyways this was a suggestion/request i saw on tumblr by @wtfhasmy-lifecometo : a severus snape x reader where the plot of the story is based off of the song “she’s always a woman” by billy joel… and have it all be fluff… and basically it would be severus’s pov and it would be him describing how much his wife means to him despite her “flaws” . and i've taken a bit of a twist with it but i feel it vibes with it. im going with vibes, slay. anyways i won't keep you for long so enjoy reading or whatever

no but genuinely though, thank you very much for reading !! it means a lot to me that you support my fanfics, whether you're an old or new reader of mine you are apart of the most girlboss place there is. reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated. have an amazing day 💖

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

“severus we can worry about your scarf later, we don’t want it to rain now do we.” you called from downstairs.

severus had been fumbling around with said scarf for quite some time. he had been rather nervous and he couldn’t entirely figure out why. then he looked over to the one thing that he had bought and had merely regretted seconds after purchasing.

it was so expensive he contemplated why he bought the final choice in the shop, but he knew.

his life was worth living from that point onwards.

once he adjusted his scarf one last time, he took it, placing it in his pocket before heading downstairs to see your face.

you had beamed and was quick to take a hold of his hand. as you opened the door, the mid-autumn breeze hit you both and a smirk hit severus’ face. autumn was always his favourite time, he loved the leaves changing colour and his ability to wrap himself in more coats and scarves. he always was equipped for the autumn and winter season.

you had both been in for a long day, however it would be a day that you both planned for ages.

neither of you were one for having long days outside, and even then you would need to recharge before you planned on stepping foot outside again. it was severus who brought the concept up, which had been very out of character for him to say the least.

what was there outside that required an entire 24 hours was beyond you. but this was your lover, and you couldn’t help but love the moments in which he found himself impulsive.

you and severus started at the local bookshop, taking in every aesthetic of the bookshelves around you. the shop had recently introduced some new animal friends, cats, pygmy puffs, and many others graced their way to the shop to keep fellow attenders company. you loved stroking and tending to every animal there as they accompanied you to your bookshop adventures.

severus hadn’t been too fond of the animals, however if they made you happy then he was happy. after going to the bookshop, severus made a visit to a small café nearby to pick up some of your favourite sweet things, you had grown suspicious once he had asked you to wait outside, as you always went in with him to pick up these delicacies. but you had shrugged it off, just severus being severus.

“ready to go my dear?” you asked. and he nodded.

you both made your way to a field, walks wit severs snape were always the best activity to do with him, a lot of your dates prior to today were always consisted of a slow journey that had no purpose, only for you both to smell the fresh air and be in one anothers presence, especially after long days where you find yourselves far apart. night walks seemed to be severus’ favourite thing, but of course you didn’t protest to that.

once you both found a perfect spot, you set up everything and indulged in your little day out you both were very much enjoying. you laid your head on severus’ lap as you eyes gazed at the beautiful view ahead of you.

you had taken out your wand, aiming it to the grass that bestowed upon you both.

“expecto patronum.” you chanted with your wand and your glowing rabbit patronus hopped around you both, surrounding you and severus in a beautiful blue wire binding you both together.

“your patronus will always be my favourite y/n.” severus said. you couldn’t help but giggle.

“i suppose i can let my one free for a moment.” he said.

he took his wand out from his inside pocket, and had it pointed to the ground.

“expect patronum.” he chanted quietly.

but much to both of your shock, nothing appeared. puzzled, severus tried again but to no avail. mumbling the spell over and over again, he smacked his wand several times on his thighs, had he really grown out of his wand?

“god forsaken piece of wood!” he muttered to himself.

you couldn’t help but giggle at his multiple attempts, tapping the wand on his lap in hopes that the magic would possibly work, your smile soon turned to small laughs, but severus happened to catch onto your little laughs.

“this isn’t funny, silly girl.” severus said, ruffling the ends of your hair before you let out more laughs. enough to make his heart melt.

“i know.” you suggested, you dug through your pockets and found a flower crown inside and put it on severus.

severus now had been bewildered by this action, turning his head slowly only for his brow to be raised, which you clearly couldn’t take seriously, and had only made you laugh some more.

“and…how is this supposed to help me?” he asked.

“trust me! it will work, try it.” you said.

severus couldn’t help but roll his eyes slightly, in actuality he did enjoy the feeling.

when he tried the patronus spell once more, he saw it had taken the form of your patronus. a rabbit hopping in and around the fields.

he would always have this hint of shock that he shared a patronus with someone, it was a feeling he could never get used to. you couldn’t help but beam at his reaction.

“severus, your patronus…”

you were just as stunned as he was, neither of you had thought this would happen. your chemistry with one another had been stronger and stronger, from the moment you and severus had set eyes on one another, you had known it was nothing but destiny that had pulled you together.

severus turned to you and instantly grabbed a hold of your hands, by instinct. there was something in him that realised the moment was just right.

in fact it was more than ‘just right,’ it was perfect.

he was really going to do this now…

“y/n…i never thought i’d ask you such a question, but i fear i can’t contain my feelings any longer.” severus said.

“y/n m/n l/n…”

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

when severus had asked you to move into his home, not a single ounce of hesitance disappeared inside of him. he hated his home, he hated that he inhabited this place.

but he had no other choice but to at least maintain what little legacy he had (if he were to call it that.)

when you had settled in, you actually didn’t seem to mind spinner’s end and it had some sort of potential to it. severus constantly asked you how things were in the house, even the most mundane things he had constantly told you that it wasn’t the best but it was the best he could offer to you.

he feared that his best wasn’t entirely good enough for you, but you always did your best to reassure him that everything in his home was fine.

one day he had left for his job and you decided to do the things that snape had always promised to do in this house. you had planned it for a while, but had to find the perfect timing and severus being away at hogwarts for the day seemed to fall perfectly in your plans.

you were in for a very long day ahead.

severus had always found the items in his home having a particular place in each room, he didn’t want anything to be changed or it wouldn’t have felt right to him. you had been very careful about that, you put everything into boxes so that they could be taken out later, and got round to deep cleaning the house from top to bottom.

severus had neglected the deep cleaning process, always at the back of his mind however, he never done so.

how could severus live like this? was all you could think about. considering how much neglect he had received from his father, that would have been one of the many factors.

once the deep cleaning was complete, you went to organize all of his books, they had a comforting feeling in your grasp. you took a note of how severus organized his shelves and followed it down to the point.

you had wanted to make this place at least worth coming home to for him. you had seen how miserable severus had lived his life and it hurt you to see that.

as the day went on you had been putting in the finishing touches of the house. you had rearranged the furniture slightly and as you had placed severus’ knick-knacks all over the house, it made you hope that he appreciated all you had done.

suddenly you heard the keys jangle outside and you bustled to the front door, quick to open it.

“sev! you’re back.” you squeaked slightly, shoving your entire body in his arm and peppering kisses all over his lips.

severus had been shocked at the sudden affection, he had never felt that he deserved such a thing.

“i’ve got something to show you.” you said excitedly.

you took his hand and there was where you showed him the house. a mixture of emotions wavered in, as you showed him all of the little details of the newly arranged home, severus couldn’t decipher the feelings he had in the moment.

you had shown him the ground floor of the house, the kitchen and the tiny hallway and then the living room.

his chair had remained the same, by the fire place. the bookshelves looked…new. for a fact he had known that the books on those shelves were nowhere near new.

you had been talking about the newly arranged desk, picking up some of his favourite quills here and there.

but severus said nothing.

that deadpan (with the added shock) expression remained, as you looked up to your lover you could tell he was going to explode at any second.

you frowned as you put down the quills, “i’m sorry…” you mumbled, walking past him and going upstairs. closing the door on the bedroom you shared, you cried quietly to yourself as you slumped on the floor.

then the door slowly opened again, through your glossy tears you saw severus.

he then did something you almost never saw him do before, he pulled you into his arms. it had been awkward at first but you warmed up to his touch, new tears dripping down your face.

“i’m so sorry…i should have asked you, it won’t…it won’t happen again.” you mumbled.

“why are you apologizing?” severus asked.

“because, i ruined your house. i thought it would be nice to give you something nice to come home to. but you don’t like it.” you sniffled.

you did all of that for him?

“why would you think i wouldn’t like it?” severus asked again.

“because you like everything to be the same. you don’t like changes, i did too much.” you said.

if anything, severus had liked the changes you made in his home. it felt like he had stepped into a completely different place and he grew to like it.

“darling…i do love it. you’ve done the one thing i wished i could do to this home, you have no need to be upset.” severus reassured.

that made you hug him even tighter, he could only smile only to himself. you both got up and continued your tour of the newly decorated home, rambling about the tiny items that meant a lot to the pair of you.

you even had dinner freshly made, and so you both sat on the floor by the fireplace, with plates of lasagne at hand. of course you made it and severus did in fact love your lasagne. you listened to severus talk about his day, it warmed your heart that he was able to open up to you. that he felt accepted enough by you to talk not only of the past but the present also.

you had both finished your foods and now you had been in one another’s arms, staring intently at the fires crackling in between the woody piles. from time to time, you had exchanged small kisses but they were the ones that always made the moment even more special.

“how long do you think you’ll stay with me y/n?” severus asked.

“well…for as long as we want, unless you wish to have me around. i don’t want you to be bored of me” you answered.

“how could you say that? y/n i couldn’t get bored of you. not in the slightest.” severus replied, with zero hesitation.

it shocked him how easily the words seemed to flow out of his mouth, it would take him months, hell even years to say that to someone but with you it seemed to be so easy.

and it was.

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

settling in at spinners end was like any other place for you. you seemed to enjoy the dark aesthetic of the small town, how it seemed to be secluded from everywhere else in england and everyone seemed to be in their own little bubble but yet everyone knew everyone.

you had lived there for a year at that point, you had wanted to go outside. you knew a forest that wasn’t far away from the home, it had been heavily raining over the last few days. you seemed to enjoy the aftermath of the heavy rain.

“severus!” you called.

you slid into his office, his head shot up.

“ah you are clearly dressed. get your coat, we are going outside.” you said as you then disappeared.

severus seemed to enjoy when you took control of the day, he enjoyed how different every day was. with no hesitation he grabbed his coat and his scarf and joined you downstairs at the front door.

you took hold of his hand and lead him outside, you held a basket on the other hand as you then handed severus the other side of your wired earphones.

“y/n you know i will never get used to your modern traditions.” severus said.

“oh come on sevvy, you can listen to music at the palm of your hands! just this once, pretty please.” you pleaded.

severus grabbed the earphone and put it in as he then found himself listening to some classic rock song.

“it’s my favourite song.” you said.

the song in question was from a classic rock band. he was not entirely well versed in music, nor did he have an interest in it. but it was that moment something switched in him, the rhythm of the song seemed to catch onto him.

you squeezed his hand a little tighter as the music played.

“you’re enjoying it!” you squeaked slightly as you noticed severus humming along to the song.

severus only smirked and pulled you closer as you paced closer to what looked like a forest. you were the one person that would convince him to have music in his life. severus never understood the concept of it and why people enjoy it so much, but whenever music was played around you his whole life seemed to change.

there was always a song he would associate with you, which made him appreciate you more and more by the second.

“i found the perfect spot.” you said once you arrived.

you both entered deeper into the forest until nothing but the top of the trees was all you could see once you looked up.

severus looked around the spot you mentioned, serenity was you could feel. you were at peace with him.

with every second severus was with you, the more entranced he was. oh how your hair swiftly followed the breezes of the spring time winds, and when the sun slowly followed after you had looked nothing but a piece of art to him.

you were always his work of art.

“oh severus look!” you called and got up instantaneously.

severus sat up slightly, only to have his eyes on you. his gaze not leaving you, he was loved undeniably.

you sat right next to him and there you had picked up a small rabbit.

“oh severus! look at its ears, its adorable.” you squeaked, stroking the rabbit that had sooner or later, gained your trust.

severus looked to the furry animal, stroking it slowly.

you tried to let the rabbit go.

but it later came back.

you let it go back to its home, but not even five minutes later it would come back to you and severus. even making its way to severus’ lap and sleeping.

“i think it likes you.” you giggled.

it was quite adorable you thought. severus becoming a father of a rabbit within five minutes of your date together.

you enjoyed severus softening slightly at the sight of animals, seeing him tend to a stray rabbit was something you didn’t see everyday, but perhaps this would mean something for the both of you later in the line of your lives.

you scoot to severus, resting your head on his upper arm, then slowly wrapping his arm around you, you both took in the scenery, soft breaths escaped your lips as parts of the sunlight hit the forest bestowed upon you.

you felt like you spend an entire life time with him if you could.

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

“y/n…i never thought i’d ask you such a question, but i fear i can’t contain my feelings any longer.” severus said.

“y/n m/n l/n…”

“will you marry me?”

you couldn’t decipher the question and then it dawned on yo.

severus wanted to marry you. someone out there was willing to marry you.

tears flooded your eyes and dropped from your face, as you couldn’t see severus through your hazy vision of your sobs.

“yes…of course i’ll marry you.” you replied.

choked sobs escaped severus, putting the ring on you and embracing you into his arms and spinning you slowly.

“we’re going to get married.” you said barely louder than your normal voice.

“we really are.”

severus didn’t want to let you go in the slightest.

and it was in that moment that you were undeniably in love with severus snape.

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snapesmorningcoffee · 2 months

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I did this art/book cover for my dearest cutest @hirukochan and her amazing Snarriet fanfiction 🥹💖

I inspired Harrie and Severus from Leon poster, and use canva for adding writing on the pic etc.

Thank you for gifting this amazing fic for me!! 🥹🥹 And don’t forget to check this amazing fiction from there

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slitheriyn · 2 months

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a chat between eileen and severus

#severus snape #eileen snape #young severus snape #pro snape #harry potter fanart #doodle!#idk im in an angsty mood send hurt comfort sev centric fics pls <3

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ashesandhackles · 1 year

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Fic recs

Other Women and of Purer Blood by @saintsenara

Summary: Narcissa is adrift, rattling around Malfoy Manor, when an equally lonely man comes into her lonely life.

Thoughts: I have been wanting a story that contextualises the sexual charge and familiarity we see between Snape and Narcissa in Spinner's End for ages (canon compliant, that is) and this story is a lovely backstory to that. It also captures Snape in transition: Snape still ironing out his northern accent, how his movements are still spider-like. He is in the process of becoming the adult Snape we see in canon: whose speeches are a performance, and how he irons out the awkwardness of his movements in adulthood.

Excerpt:

Snape looks completely wrong in the flowery bower where Dobby has set out tea. His sallow awkwardness seems to repel the summer, even though Narcissa suspects he must be baking in his layers of shabby black robes.

He doesn’t have the fine manners of the sort of person who normally comes to tea with the Malfoys. He eats quickly, and slurps his tea, and looks at the cakes with the greedy eyes of a boy who isn’t used to treats. Lucius would be disgusted, to have a greasy half-blood at his table spraying crumbs everywhere. She imagines the expression of horrified confusion on his pointy face and giggles.

Snape immediately goes scarlet and puts down his tea-cup.

In Infinite Remorse of Soul by @perverse-idyll

Summary: Albus Dumbledore never makes the same mistake twice. Certainly not in love.

Thoughts: My very first Snumbledore, which is a frightening meditation on the very vast power dynamics between Snape and Dumbledore from the hilltop scene in Deathly Hallows and expanding the very personal reaction Dumbledore had towards the wayward young Death Eater. Perverse Idyll is among the best writers in the fandom, brimming with words and fantastic imagery that just stays with you.

Excerpt:

"My boy," Albus says almost kindly, because kindness is something that mystifies his young servant. Severus' eyes dart upwards, apprehensive, accusing, and Albus can see the darkness inside the boy clawing to reach him. Guilt calling to guilt.

The moment quivers and thins until he judges that Severus has had enough and is about to rebel. A harsh rasp draws his attention. He looks down at the bruised, blackened fingernail scraping across stone.

"My boy," he sighs. "You never fail to disgust me."

The ritual word strikes Severus down. His obstinate body shrinks, wings of hair flapping forward to shut his scowling face from view.

To Build A Home by @mblematic

Summary: 1978-1981: Sirius stumbles on something in the woods, Sirius and Remus stumble into each other, everyone stumbles into the war.

Thoughts: First War hijinks, dysfunctional Wolfstar - I was fed! I cannot rave enough about the gorgeous, subtle writing of relationships (the author really captures this raw, visceral vulnerability between two friends who are attracted to each other and how it explodes in heightened tension of war) and there is some fantastic world building and mirroring. Excerpt: Later, Sirius would remember almost everything from this night with crystal clarity except the sky, which in reality was clouded but in his memory would be open, star-studded, expansive and unknowable as the future. He’d remember, correctly, that the wolf was different than it had been at Hogwarts. He’d remember the restless, brutal, snarling fury, all of it undercut with a fear so intense it had its own meaty weight. The night took Sirius by surprise and he spent the whole long stretch of it trying to put himself back on track, trying to reacquaint himself with the wolf, and trying to convince them both that they remembered each other. At one point he found himself literally between Remus’ jaws, helpless and pliant, mewling like a supplicant. This, too, he would remember for the rest of his life.

Second Life by Cassandra, nwhiker Summary: What happens when two men are given a second chance.

Thoughts: I finally got around to reading one of the most recommended Snirius fics out there. Beautiful, understated, deeply emotional - the authors take you on a journey with the two of them post war. It also feels....old?? As in, the kind of perspective this fic has is the perspective of someone in late 30s (which both Snape and Sirius are in this fic, post war). There is a fragile, "who else will understand what our generation went through?" running through the vein of this fic.

Excerpt:

It was like walking into a tiny garden in the tropics, and he was reminded of some of the places he'd visited while on the run after his escape from Azkaban. There were hundreds of plants, most of them unfamiliar, and a large table was filled with orchids. There was a tree, which turned out to be a frangipani, its white flowers soft and sweet. A delicate white flower with an exquisite fragrance that Snape said was bouvardia. Along one wall were plants Sirius recognised from Potions classes, wolfsbane and asphodel, wormwood and sopohorous, a shrivelfig tree, and others he'd seen but didn't know the names of.

"I'm not supposed to have them," Snape said.

Sirius turned to him. Snape was staring down an orchid, brushing planting mix from the edge of its pot.

Al Aaraaf by eldritcher

Summary: There is a place between heaven and hell.

Thoughts: An unsettling, poetic horror fic featuring a grieving Walburga Black. The whole fic is structured like a poem, with rhythm and repetition and metaphor shining through.

Excerpt:

He had her face. He had her scowl. He had her loathsome, loathing heart that mourned and loved. Hell dwelled in him, as a warm and heartful thing calved of mother.

The last of earth's make she held was son. His hands were placed in prayerful clasp over her belly.

The lamb in her was of Tartary, born of son fed and killed with milk and honey, birthed of widow's mourning.

"It is all right," Sirius said, and held her to him as if she weren't damned.

Runaway Boys by Delphi

Summary: Severus dreams of pirates, and Lily closes the nursery window. Thoughts: I'm not sure if I have recommended this fic before, but I am recommending it again, just in case. This is a wonderfully strange coming of age, a tale of puberty told in dreams/ fantasies featuring Snape and Captain Hook. Excerpt:

"Severus S—" He cuts himself off and then tentatively amends: "Prince. Severus Prince."

It's a better name, he's decided. His new friends at school know the Princes, but they've never heard of any Snapes.

"That is a fine name, Mr. Prince," the man says. "As for me, I am Captain James Hook."

A large hand extends into the branches, and after a moment, Severus carefully leans down and shakes it.

"Pleased to meet you," Severus says.

"Are those friends of yours?" the captain asks, nodding towards the neighbouring island, where the boys are now riding wild ponies bareback, jousting with each other using lances made of hollow reeds.

Severus shrugs. Of course, he thinks, the man would rather know them.

Note: Please check the pairings and tags in each of these fics and keep in mind your own triggers :)

#hp fic recs #hp fics #since i am in my reading phase #largely snape-centric recs #but some other content also sneaks through #severus snape #narcissa malfoy #snarcissa #snumbledore #snirius #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #walburga black #alastor moody

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lostchildofthenewworld · 5 months

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This Bitter Earth Series

Part I: Let Me Be Part II: Day After Day Part III: TBD Part IV: TBD

This Bitter Earth Series Playlist

#severus snape fanfic #severus snape centric #severus snape drops out of hogwarts #my writing #my fanfic #harry potter fanfic

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halfblood-princes-crown · 1 month

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You made an outline fof canon things for ATYDE? The commitment is on point, im excited 😆

Oh bestie, let me list the ways

I got:

Canon Housemates, their years, and notable traits or beliefs

Notable births

Notable events

Timeline era (what was voldy up to?)

Quidditch stuff to mention

70s slang

Cokeworth dialect (Most likely Mancunian but Im still doing research on where Cokeworth would be)

Cokeworth general description

Spinners end snippet

Classes in order by school year and what teacher taught them as far as we know AND what is specifically learned in each class

And privilege/rules/and important events for specific school years

And the best part is Im not done. I refuse for for this fic to be bullshit. No tea, no shade. Nobody will ever be able to say I didn't fuckin try 😭

#im even using quotes from the books bro #im not playing around with this fic #this is business #i got my suit and tie on when i work on this #this aint no sunshine and rainbows fic #canon centric means Snape is going through it #im sorry

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puppyboygf · 2 years

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i am Unwell

#how do i even describe this. 51 year old snapewife creep transmisogynyst asking for 'snape-centric stories'#in order to understand why comparing some random actual real life trans woman to a racist abusive (etc.) fictional man is offensive #<- correct me if i'm wrong about that last bit as i haven't seen that post only the post where this person goes 'snape story pls. sowwy'

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itsmischiefdemigod79 · 1 year

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The way I'm outlining this fic *narrows eyes* it feels like it's heading in the direction of a Severitus fic starring Snape's own OC daughter.

#this is probably the effect of all the severitus fics ive been inhaling 😌#to be fair writing for hp is always so... daunting?#but ill try my best #and there might be a side of drama and romance with the oc's mum!#harry potter #harry potter au #severus snape #severitus #oc-centric #demigod writes #a demigod's thoughts

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fresiants · 1 year

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Chapter 2 is up!

Title - Finding His Perfect Ending

Chapter - 2/?

Fandom - Harry Potter

Relationship - Sirius Black/Severus Snape

Rating - Mature

Additional Tags - Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Time Travel, Bottom Severus Snape, Top Sirius Black, Afterlife, Minor James Potter/Severus Snape, Enemies to Lovers, Severus Snape Needs a Hug, Sirius Black-centric, Slow Burn, REALLY slow, Minor Regulus Black/Remus Lupin

Summary - "I want to fix everything."

Sirius is determined to right all of his wrongs from his past life. But wait... befriending Snape was not part of the plan.

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americannslytherinn · 11 months

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FUCK (having marauders era thoughts)

#i need to finish my rewrite of the entire series so i can start on some snape-centric fics GODS #🐍💬.PARSELTONGUE

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monster-energies · 2 years

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you don’t have to be sorry for doing it on your own

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

pairing: severus snape/reader

summary: �� when the exams season takes a full force, you are doing everything that you are expected to. or rather feel obligated to do. one day severus finds you in the library and all your exhaustion and emotions are let out and you just need someone to tell you everything will be okay...

warnings: platonic teacher/student relationship, panic attacks, implications and actions of burn out and emotional meltdowns, angst

rating: teen and up audiences

ʚ♡ɞ please click here if you would like to be apart of my taglist

word count: 6717

this oneshot can be found on archive of our own

author’s note:

title's namesake: lyrics from the song matilda by harry styles

hey besties ! long time no see....again ( lets see how many times i say that LMAO ) i passed second year, got rejected from a job, travelled outside london for the first time and collected rocks. theres your authors note update SKVCVJJDJKVJD

i've been in a HUGE writing rut HOWEVER, i do want to keep writing and put out fics i love. and september and autumn is approaching which is my favourite season and i really hope i get to do this whenever i can.

i was sent anonymous request that read: "hiiii!! can i request a comforting fic where severus comforts fem! reader bcs she's having a mental breakdown and burnt out over school works since reader's now on her seventh year and some of the subjects are getting harder and harder. tysm 💚💚" and i very much resonated with this request ( because second year burnout got me LOL ) so to whoever sent this request, thank you !! this request really challenged me as i rarely write platonic relationships but i do love me a challenge so YES !!!i hope you enjoy this oneshot !! comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated <333

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

another academic year was soon making its finish. but there was one thing blocking a hogwarts student to their freedom.

it was the exam season.

undoubtedly it was a time that burdened many students, keeping them up all night practising endless charms and endless potions.

you were no stranger to such a routine. in fact it was something you had been accustomed to all your life.

you had pretty high expectations for yourself and did not wish for those standards to go any lower. with the upbringing and your family reputation, there was no room for error.

studying and education pretty much inhabited your life, at first you loved it. then again. who wouldn’t? the concept of a routine, wearing posh (to some extent) uniform, going through the same halls everyday. not many people had this sort of life and for you, it was a privilege beyond belief. it was really chance to romanticise your life, and you didn’t know anyone outside the wizarding world who had the comfort to do that.

but all of that that came at a cost, with your parents being educators in the wizarding world. there was clearly no room for error.

you had to be perfect at every cost.

the more you had that thought linger over you every day, the more you hated studying, you hated being confined to you and your thoughts and a quill and some ink and answering things that were only right or wrong, no inbetween.

with the pressure of the newt exams, and leaving hogwarts, there was so much to think about.

and there was so much that only you, a mere human being can take.

as you were in your seventh year, there was a lot at stake, wizarding internships you’ve taken, the amount of studying you would have done, how you were perceived.

oh you took that to a different level, you knew how much was on the line.

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

your day had been nothing short of horrible. you had overslept and left you no choice but to hurriedly get your uniform on and scurry to your class without any breakfast. leaving you in an unkempt state, nothing like how you would usually appear. you had transfigurations first, you thought of how you had been forgetting something and you couldn’t figure out what it was. but that was then professor mcgonagall reminded you, you were missing your cloak. you forgot it at the dorms, and you couldn’t go back to get it.

so you sat in your class, embarrassed at the fact that your professor had called you out like this in front of your entire class.

after an assortment of classes, you had one inconvenience after another happen today, and you weren’t in the mood for this at the slightest. and it was really starting to get under your skin, you didn’t want to see anyone you knew at all, then again…were you really close with anyone in this school?

so you had gone into the girls bathrooms and quietly sobbed to yourself, you were lucky moaning myrtle wasn’t around at this time…that way she wouldn’t have pestered you. not that you didn’t like her, but she was like a house fly, always around and never really leaves you alone.

you had one class left, potions with professor snape.

it had been one of your favourite classes until today. you had been dreading going into such a tense class, especially with someone like professor snape. not to say you were both on bad terms as teacher and professor, he actually tolerated you.

after the day you had, where everything had been going wrong, you could think of millions of other places to be in rather than potions.

you couldn’t focus at all, you had found yourself freezing up at each ingredient you had used up. were they even the right ones?

you didn’t even realize that your cauldron’s mixture had been bubbling until an explosion occurred, ruining your already ‘incorrect’ uniform and the cauldron breaking apart.

the classroom left in complete silence. did you fail at a potion? you failed at something and the whole class and the potions master were left stunned.

“5 points from slytherin.” professor snape bluntly announced, much to the dismay of your classmates.

once professor snape had announced the assignment for his upcoming class, your fellow peers had left however, you froze.

severus was about to start putting everything away but hadn’t realised until now… you were the only one left.

“miss l/n. class is over. you are free to leave.” severus said.

you shot up, tears brimming your eyes as you approached him eye to eye.

“please sir, let me start again. i can perfect this potion…i know it like the back of my hand.” you stammered out.

“given your lack of participation in the class and your failure to create the potion, i cannot let you do so.” severus said.

you felt your heart sinking, severus glided away from you continuing to clear up his classroom. but suddenly he turned around to find you dropped to the floor.

“y/n!” he called.

you could only hear your quickened breathing, your urge to speak halted by your hyperventilating. severus was about to berate you for not leaving his class, but the second he saw your vulnerable state…all his guards broke down.

“miss l/n, do you know where you are?” he asked.

“p-potions!” you uttered.

“good, do you know what you’re going through right now?”

you instantly shook your head, your breathing instantly getting worse, sweating bullets and your hyperventilating soon turning into gasps of fear.

this was never something you had to go through, you couldn’t handle yourself in this moment.

that was until you felt your professor take your hands and held them tightly between his own.

“y/n…i need you to focus, only on my voice and nothing else. you have to breathe, take deep breaths in…and out…like this.” severus said. he slowly begun to demonstrate the deep breathing and you shortly followed suit.

once your professor found you capable of taking deep breaths on your own, he slowly stopped but his hands still grasped yours.

“there we go...how do you feel?” severus asked.

you only shrugged, you had twitched your lips to at least try and say something but you couldn’t say anything.

you looked to your professor and he gave you a small nod. “i don’t know…professor.” your hoarse voice croaked.

severus helped you up and grabbed a nearby chair, dragging it opposite to his desk and guided your timid body to the chair. “please have a seat.” he said.

you watched him fill up a glass of water in a cup and handed it to you.

“you’ll need it y/n, no point in hesitating now.” he said.

“if you wish to tell me anything, you have the opportunity to do so. but…if you would like some time, to calm down, garner your thoughts…i won’t kick you out.” severus assured.

upon giving you the choices, severus knew you weren’t going to tell him straight away. so he sat, marking some first year assignments. the scratchings of the quills, the bubbling of cauldrons soothed you in a way. you liked staying in professor snape’s classroom, an all round ambience that always satisfied you and made it a safe place for you.

after what felt like hours, you couldn’t let your thoughts be an additional company in this already eerie classroom.

“i had a bad day, professor.” you said.

severus perked up, putting his quill away and all his attention went to you. “how bad? on a scale from zero to ten?” he asked.

“nine and a half.” you admitted.

“quite high rather than your usual days.” severus replied.

you softly laughed at his remarks, and you nodded.

“all of the things that never entirely go wrong…went wrong today. i overslept, and i couldn’t find my cloak. i then i was late for transfiguration and got point deducted. i’ve had such horrible lessons and some pathetic first year spilt their juice all over my books as i was studying. and this class went so badly, i just…i just want today to be over.” you choked up, your tears dropping onto your uniform as you tried to wipe away your tears.

never once did severus ever see you cry. your professor had been stunned to see you in such a vulnerable state, since nobody had the courage to do so.

he didn’t know what to do.

severus was never a caring person but perhaps he could try.

“miss l/n, y/n. you know none of this is your fault, i assure you that things will get better.” severus said.

he couldn’t help but mentally cringe at his words.

“will they?” you asked, wiping away your tears.

severus nodded. handing you a napkin, and with a tinge of hesitance you took it, wiping your face rather than ruining your uniform.

he couldn’t help but think, maybe he could trust one his students? just this once.

“my classroom and my office will always be open for you. should you require my services, i will make sure i can accommodate any of your needs.” severus replied.

your eyes glimmered for a split second, you slowly begun to realise your days were moulding into the same thing everyday but this made it different.

to know that one of your teachers was trusting you and had planned on supporting you through anything a student would need, it was reassuring to say the least.

“thank you professor.” you said, with a small grin to your face.

your professor did nothing but hum slightly.

“now…how about we re-do that potion from today’s class?” severus offered.

“that sounds like a perfect idea!” you replied.

you instantly shot up and grabbed a nearby cauldron as your potions making session commenced.

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

since that potions class, you felt as if you could never forgive yourself for having such a horrible day of classes. you didn’t want to be seen as a failure, especially when both students and staff alike thought very highly of you.

you had been queen of the school, you were the ones that people would look up to.

you had been put into advanced potions classes as your success, you had been expected to achieved nothing but outstanding in not just one subject but all of your subjects.

there was a word you had always slowly despised. and it had to be ‘expected.’

you wished for that word to never exist, it burdened you. weighed you down endlessly and you had no choice about it. it never came to mind until recently.

once classes were over everyday, you had taken yourself to the library to study. you practically lived and breathed it by this point, you rarely spoke to any of your classmates and found yourself very isolated without you even knowing.

as you got older, you realized that your studying was supposed to be normal, something that the wizarding world (again) expected of you. you had been drowning in your education for normalcy and it exhausted you greatly.

severus had been no stranger to your thoughts. you had been greatly open about your exhaustion and if anything he was the one you trusted.

you always went to him whether it be for advice, to get away from the usual hustle bustle of the break and lunch periods and even after classes you always found yourself staying at his class or his office.

besides from that, you never seemed to interact with anyone else these days. you didn’t know it, but slowly you isolated yourself from your classmates.

you had your regular transfiguration class, well it wasn’t regular to you. you had gotten a few questions wrong today, to which professor mcgonagall had called you out for. you hated when professors felt the need to call you out for your mistakes, you wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

and the mistakes seemed to pile on throughout the day. you were almost grateful you didn’t have potions today. had severus seen the state you were in, you would have broken down at the seems.

you entered the library, your safe haven when everything had gone horrendously wrong. you had taken varying books from the shelves and found your favourite spot, the spot in question had been near a spiral staircase, and by a clear window where sometimes, the moon would shine down on you during your study sessions.

it was truly one of your casual magics of your day.

but today was far from it.

a wave of exhaustion hit you as you slumped at your desk, opening multiple books and trying to scribble down whatever felt normal to you. whatever felt right or wrong, but you couldn’t. the longer you sat, the more drained you became.

hours, weeks, months to study for a piece of paper all to get another piece of paper that determined your future.

you were drained.

all those years of your privilege of education weighed on you. and you couldn’t help but slump over your arms and cry.

your tears dripping onto your work.

you never truly realized how lonely you were.

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

“oh severus, you’re lucky i caught you! a word? if i may?” minerva asked as she caught severus right on time.

severus nodded and followed minerva. what could she possibly want?

“i’ll cut straight to the point and won’t stop you from going to your night shift. but have you spoken to miss y/n l/n as of late?” minerva asked.

now that he was thinking about it, he hadn’t seen you all day. he didn’t have his advanced potions class much to his dismay, as they had been the saving graces of his week.

“no i haven’t. i didn’t see her at all today! she isn’t in any trouble is she?” he asked, his brow cocked upwards naturally.

“oh no no, she isn’t. however i have been concerned about her as of recent months. she hasn’t spoken to any of her classmates. nor her teachers in quite a few months. i really worry that the newts are getting to her.” she said.

perhaps it had something to do with minerva being quite harsh on her seventh years, perhaps it was because you wanted to get good grades. but your reasonings were beyond her.

“so naturally you decided to approach her head of house?” severus said. minerva only nodded.

“i know how much those slytherins of yours look up to you! especially her, and believe me she is by far one of a kind. but please make sure she’s okay!” minerva said.

severus agreed, and they had both part ways. he made sure that no students were dawdling around in the corridors and much to his surprise it was awfully quiet, but of course he had known where students had been skiving off. he was hogwarts alumni himself.

once he deducted as many points as he possibly could and escorted the students back to their respective common rooms, he then went and checked the library. it would usually be quiet, however due to the oncoming examinations it was busy, however the library was closed for the night. but it wouldn’t harm him if he inspected.

quiet.

how it should be prior to the exam season.

there hadn’t been many students in the library, except there was one. all the on the top, he climbed up the spiral staircase ready to scald whoever it was. but before he could go any further, he had heard…crying. he grabbed his wand and mumbled the lumos incantation.

his face dropped slightly as he quietly reached the top floor. your books laid out all over the table, he could hear your sniffles, your body trembling slightly. he couldn’t help but frown, you were a spitting image of him in his youth.

he could remember the countless nights in which he spent all night studying because he had nobody to go to anymore. nothing fulfilled him at that time and his education was his only way out.

“y/n?” he called.

you jolted up, startled by the light that alarmed you more than anything. the sight of you was shocking to severus, he hadn’t seen you in such a state. your blood shot eyes, your dried tear stains like snail trails and your pool of tears riddled all over your books. you could see on severus’ face he was disappointed, and that got you in a complete panic.

with a wave of his wand, everything had disappeared from the table. all your personal belongings had been moved to severus’ office, for the time being.

severus knelt to your level and gently put his hand on your arm. “i think its time we had a chat.” he said.

you followed him all through hogwarts, down the spiral staircase and into the dungeons where his office had been next to his class.

severus let you enter his office and you sat opposite his desk. severus sat opposite you, he didn’t have that normal expression, it was a look of worry.

“y/n…is everything okay? some of the professors have raised some concerns. they just want to check in on you.” severus asked.

his words lingered but his voice soothened you, his words were enough for you to sob. all your emotions let out in this small office, and severus couldn’t help but frown.

he didn’t speak, severus pulled a chair and wrapped you in his embrace. never before had he been this caring towards any of his students, he would never have hugged a gryffindor to comfort them from their turmoil.

he let you cry all you needed. it hurt him greatly that one of his best students had been holding such emotions. he slowly took off his cloak and wrapped it around you, having noticed how cold you were.

after some time had passed, he slowly let go of you and you took out that napkin he gave you all those months ago and you wiped your tears on them.

“any better?” severus said. you nodded, “now then…whats got you like this?” he asked.

after a pause, you had fiddled with the hems of your jumper avoiding eye contact with your professor.

“i’m so exhausted professor. i just want this school year to be over. all my revision is going so wrong, and i can’t study. i’m so tired of everything, everything is the same professor. i wake up and i go to my classes and i answer the same questions and then i get them wrong…and i know everyone’s going to laugh at me because they know me and they think i’m a failure, all my teachers don’t even acknowledge that i’m here and i hate it. i’m so…so alone, and i just can’t… i can’t do this anymore.” you rambled, you tried not to burst into tears again, but it was inevitable that such a thing would happen as you found yourself crying once more.

“oh y/n…” severus mumbled.

it shattered him knowing this was happening to you, severus knew you had come to him because he was the one who made your school days better, he knew what it was like to be the gifted but burnt out child and he didn’t want that to happen to you.

“it’s going to be so difficult these few months, i know how you feel and believe me…i understand. quite possibly more than you know.” he said.

“not many people know this, but i was in your shoes when i was at school. everything you are feeling is valid and if you need my assistance in anything, i would be more than happy to do so.” severus continued.

you nodded, a teary smile appeared to your face.

severus only hummed slightly, getting up and going to the counter, grabbing the old kettle filling it with water. you sat there, wondering to yourself. how foolish you were to drain yourself to such lengths, the guilt hanging in the air like a puppet.

you heard footsteps as severus slowly returned with a mug of hot tea. “thank you…” you mumbled.

severus returned to his seat, picking up a few papers and writing in them. you watched him carefully as you sipped the tea he made. it was peppermint. much to your surprise, it was your favourite kind of tea.

“professor, what were you like at school?” you asked.

severus looked up, a shy smile appeared to your face, but it quickly disappeared. he sighed softly, you needed someone to talk to. he put his quill down and got up, rummaging through a box he had at his shelves. he had picked out a few things, nothing that you could decipher what they were.

he placed them gently at the table, you peered over and took a good look at the photos.

“is that you?” you said, pointing to the school year group photo. severus nodded, “i’m surprised you of all people can recognize me.” he said.

“well you do have quite a distinctive appearance…in a good way of course!” you reiterated.

severus half heartedly laughed, not many people in his life managed to do that. but you did, perhaps this was a new feeling for him.

“no need to emphasise, i know you didn’t mean it like…that. but yes, i was a student here much like yourself. 1971 until 1978, i was exactly like you…” he started to say.

should he even continue?

he did.

“my studies were the only thing that could get me away from the reality i lived in, the world was too harsh and i had nobody to call home. not even my own father wanted to make the effort, so my head was always down in my endless books. i…was alone. and i still am, the people i once loved are long gone and the people i have grown to despise may not be around, but their presence still lingers…” he continued.

he had been pacing left to right by his desk, looking at the stained glass window. he could remember all the faces of those who hurt him, those who even tried to kill him. he was surprised how he even survived not one but two wizarding wars.

“i experienced everything you are currently feeling in his moment, the constant exhaustion and the fatigue. reading the same contents over and over again until you tire yourself out, having nobody to go to because you’re alone…so lonely.”

sympathy was all you could feel. you frowned upon listening to him, how could he think he think this way?

“well i don’t think you’re alone sir, you have the other professors…you have me.” you said.

severus look up slightly. the hint of realization at your words, he had you. no he didn’t.

“you? don’t be ridiculous, you’ll leave…like every other student and you’ll be glad you got rid of your pathetic potions professor.” severus snapped.

you both looked at each other, yours with worry and the latter with sheer regret.

“my apologies, i shouldn’t have said that.” severus said.

but what came was unexpected for the potions master. he heard to cup being placed quietly, and then he saw you at his side, looking at him with no shame and with that smile on your face you said…”no one should ever be alone, not even you professor.”

his heart filled with warmth, how could you be so caring and kind at your lowest moments? that was something that astounded him.

“thank you y/n…your words are greatly appreciated.” severus said.

you both sat down back at his desk, where the silence was no longer dreary for the both of you. it was calm.

“i have something for you.” severus said.

you perked up a little bit, curious to know what your professor had in store or you.

as severus looked through his desk, he then picked up a book. it was the advanced potions making book you were using, he placed it in front of you.

“professor, that’s yours…i can’t take that from you!” you stated shocked that he would hand yo something personal. not only to borrow but to even keep!

“y/n i insist. you are one of my model students, your future is bright beyond belief. i learnt a long time ago, never put your prized possessions in the wrong hands. i am making the right decision here, this is something i want you to keep. and you needn’t worry, i have many a copy from this book.” severus insisted.

he was right! he had many copies from this book, he preferred the second and first editions of the book he had stuck by for so long and it had become a routine for him to annotate them the exact way he would have when he was a student.

“well, if you would really want me to keep this, then thank you. that means a lot to me.” you said, your true smile coming back to you.

“you’re welcome.” severus answered.

severus hadn’t even realized how long they had been in his office, but it was certain that it had been way past midnight. but the potions master couldn’t care less. even he could break the rules just this once, if it meant making positive memories for his favourite student.

he hadn’t smiled in years, listening to you talk about your interests, your future, it really intrigued him.

upon hearing how your parents were educators in the wizarding world, he found out where that stress and pressure came from. for him, it was the house. when his mother died, his father had completely taken over. the only spark that lit up the snape household was no more, his father was quick to put that out in an instant.

the smile on your face turned to a frown once you mentioned the stresses you were under, what would they think of her now? skiving off at night to hang out with her potions professor?

severus could read you like a book, he knew there was doubt in you. you were getting cold feet about leaving hogwarts, the exams, being pushed out into the wizarding world. it was all dawning on you.

“if this will be of any reassurance…i want you to know, there is absolutely no pressure for you to be perfect. whether it be in grades or how you wish to be portrayed at this school, its all entirely up to you and your future is in your hands. if in the case things…don’t go accordingly, i will make sure you go on the path you rightfully deserve.” severus said.

it was a lot to promise from him, but he figured he can push some buttons, and pull some strings if things failed. to which he was certain they won’t, but there was no harm in thinking ahead.

“now, i think its high time you got some rest madam.” he scalded slightly. as he looked to his clock and finding out it was way later than expected.

“yes professor, i’ll head back to the dorms.” you said, getting up and heading for the door but was soon interrupted but the clearing of his throat.

“oh, your cloak sir.” you said.

“keep it.” he replied.

“but you never-”

“don’t worry about that. i have spares. i came to give you this.” he answered.

he then handed you an invisibility cloak. “i want the invisibility cloak returned tomorrow.” severus added.

you looked to him and nodded. “thank you professor snape. i won’t ever forget this, not one bit. i never told you this but, you truly are my favourite teacher here.” you plucked the courage to say.

you then did the unthinkable, you gave severus a hug. he didn’t really know what to do, nobody had admitted to saying that before. his arms slowly wrapped around your back and patted it gently, once you both let go you left his office.

he felt a tear escape his eyes, he wiped it away and then looked at the door. he never realised how much of an impact he had on his students, until now.

you solidified that even he mattered in a place like hogwarts.

you made him feel so important.

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

the empty dorm.

you couldn’t believe that everything was over, you got the grades you desired and you knew what you truly wanted the moment you stepped out of hogwarts.

you slowly realized that you didn’t tell professor snape about your grades. you left the empty dorm, and sped walked down the spiral staircase. the smile on your face grew wider upon entering to cool dungeons, you knocked on the door of professor snape’s office as you beamed at being in the presence of your potions master.

and then the door opened.

“y/n.” severus said.

“hi professor.”

“what brings you here? the train will be leaving soon.” he replied.

“i just wanted to take a look around one last time.” you answered.

he then made some space for you to come inside the classroom, you took a good look around at every table, every cauldron.

all the potions that were on the shelf, all the ingredients. the candle lit classroom bringing you true happiness and then you looked to your professor.

you thought of all the good memories you made with him. it was truly funny. you had spent the most time with him, more than any other teacher. you remember how excited you would always be to go to potions class. everyone would ask you why you would be happy to see someone as grouchy as professor snape, and it was a question that had many many answers.

but you just did. you liked it.

you then rummaged through your bag and handed him a piece of a paper. a transcript of your grades.

“i never showed you did i?” you said.

severus shook his head, you watched him unfold the paper and there he saw the grades. outstandings with a few exceeds expectations, he saw the outstanding grade in potions and a smirk on his face. he looked to you and nodded approvingly.

handing you the paper back, that small twitch in his lips grew a little wider this time.

“you’ve done me very proud y/n.” severus said as he patted your shoulder lightly.

you had a smile that lit up the whole class. hearing your favourite professor say that meant the world.

you hadn’t heard those words in a very long time.

“go on y/n. the train is waiting.” severus said handing back your results.

“oh right…” you said, wiping away a single tear. before you left the potions class, you turned back to professor snape….one last time.

“thank you professor. for everything.” you said.

severus nodded. “it was a pleasure knowing and teaching you.” he replied.

you smiled tearfully, severus saw you almost breaking apart and that was the last straw for him. he glided to you and gave you a tight hug.

“you’re off to do great things y/n, i know it. and i’m so proud of you.” he said.

you were going to miss him.

the greatest teacher you had ever known.

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

it had been years upon teaching you. severus had yet to find a student that can match what you had, he had been going through diagon alley when all of a sudden, he had seen a long que at one of the book stores. he then saw your name in the window.

next thing he knew, he saw your name on the building.

he didn’t bother lining up, he had barged past people and entered the shop that had your name on it.

a brochure on the table’s entrance that read: ‘y/n’s corner. for all your wizardly needs.’

“excuse me, have you seen miss l/n? i believe she owns the shop.” he asked.

“oh she’s not here at the moment.” one of the workers said.

and there he stood.

not bothering to move from the shop

꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ

“y/n, thank goodness you’re here. some git barged into the que and he isn’t leaving the shop! its 6 o’clock, we have to close now.” the worker said.

“right…well, you can go home. i will close the shop tonight, okay?” you said.

the worker nodded and went to grab their things and left.

the worker took one look and left, flipping the label from open to closed. severus watched the worker leave, and then back at the shop, and there he saw you.

“hello professor.” you said.

your grin wider than ever as you approached him and gave him the longest and tightest hug. he was taken aback at first but warmed up to your touch.

you stayed like that for quite some time before eventually one of you let go.

“its good to see you again y/n.” severus said.

“oh we’re finally on first name basis now!” you replied.

“it’s nothing but 4 years since you left. you can call me severus now.” severus answered.

“well…severus you haven’t aged at all, not since the last time i saw you.” you teased, testing his name out on him and needless to say it was a perfect name for him.

“i see you’ve made a name for yourself. your shop has everything.” as severus changed the subject he continued to look around the shop, he sat down at one of the chairs and watched you pt everything back into its places.

“i took a year away from education, making this shop felt like my true calling. obviously i would like to go to university but this shop keeps me going. oh if you’d like the tour, books and all your educational essentials are on the second floor, all your magical needs are on this floor here and the bottom is my favourite place, the café.” you said.

severus got up and took a good look around, the vials of potions and ingredients labelled at the bottom. he put them back and made his way to the second floor where you had been sorting out the books.

what caught his eyes was your name on one of the books.

“you’ve been writing?” severus asked.

you perked up from one of the shelves and stood by severus, by the time you had stood next to him he felt something completely brand new.

his heart had skipped a beat when you were in his presence, you picked up the book and flipped through the pages.

“i write a bit of everything, i think its going to be the one of the many things i love for a very long time.” you asked.

severus couldn’t have been more happier, while he didn’t show it he was happy that you had made a name for yourself in the wizarding world.

you grabbed a marker and slipped a piece of paper into the book, handing it to him with a smile.

“here. its on me.” you said.

“are you sure? i’m capable of paying.” he asked with a brow raised.

“i insist.” you replied.

he looked to the clock, it had been getting late.

“well…i appreciate this y/n, i’ll be heading off.” severus replied.

“will i be seeing more of you?” you asked.

“perhaps you will.” he answered.

you beamed, as you both went to the bottom of the shop you felt something warm grow inside you. it was like you were back at hogwarts, staying in his class after your day has ended. talking to him about your day and he would listen.

before you and severus parted ways once more, you grabbed a hold of his hand, both your eyes glistening at one another and then you pressed a kiss to his cheek. it was quick but it was enough for severus to be completely stunned. he had a tighter grip on the book you gave him, his pale complexion suddenly turning a tint of red as he gazed at you.

“i’ll see you around, severus.” you finally brought yourself to say, leaving to go back to your job.

as much as it shocked him, he couldn’t leave. he watched you from afar and then slowly, begun to walk away.

he then looked to the book.

he apparated back to spinners end, once arriving at his home, he sat down in his arm chair and read the book you gave him. it was fiction of some sorts, he rarely read fiction. not since he was a child. but as he continued reading he could practically envision you at your desk, writing away with that grin on your face and was very much drawn in at every word you wrote.

once the story had been over he saw the acknowledgments page he continued to read.

many people in my life had expected a lot from me and i’m certain dear reader, that if you picked up this book you would feel the same. i hope this piece of fiction gave you happiness, or you hold it in a special place in your life whether it be publicly or privately. my biggest dedication goes to the first person who ever saw such potential in me. severus snape.

my potions professor at hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. anyone who knows him well understands how much of a tough nut he is to crack but with myself in particular, he was truly the kindest of people. he supported me constantly in my seven years at hogwarts and helped me realize that the people who ‘know’ what’s right for you are the ones who want you to do so much in such little time, but severus snape never expected me to be a certain person. his presence in his classes made me feel safe, when it was just myself and him helping me out in potions, he made it a safe environment for me to succeed and i couldn’t be more fortunate to have met a teacher like him.

so to severus snape, thank you for all you’ve done.

his brows furrowed as his eyes glazed over the acknowledgment. over and over, moment by moment his heart turned warm. but then he realized that wasn’t the only thing you left him, he unfolded the letter. the letter you gave him.

hello severus,

i think by now you must have finished the book. i wouldn’t be surprised if you did. i know how powerful your memory can be and your ability to retain information always astounded me, even as a student.

i wanted to give you this letter as a sign of my appreciation. i wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done for me in my time at hogwarts. i know i’ve definitely had my low moments, you have seen this first hand. but nonetheless, i just wanted say thank you.

thank you for being one of the best teachers at hogwarts, no wonder that you’re the best potions master in the wizarding world.

thank you for always helping me be a good student and also a good person. you helped me understand that whatever outcome i have in my grades and in my education, it doesn’t reflect on who i am as a person. i never knew what that was until you brought it to my attention all those years ago.

thank you for everything you’ve done for me at hogwarts.

you were always my favourite professor and you still are. i hope you hear that often these days.

thank you once again.

signed, y/n l/n.

he read the letter once more before gently placing the book and letter at the table by the fireplace, his eyes welled with tears as your kindness slowly begun to sunk in.

he hadn’t heard anyone tell him anything from what you wrote in that letter, and he was more than grateful he had heard it from you.

severus would never have known, but he knew it was certain.

you would be perfect for him…

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memelovescaps · 1 year

Text

CHAPTER 26 of my fic "IN NEED" is OUT!

Read on A03

“Do you have any idea how you make me feel?” Harry asked. Severus’s frown and narrowed eyes probably told him the answer, “Sev, you make me lose my mind. Have you seen your body, your face? How it makes me tremble?”

Severus scowled further.

“Don’t mock me, Harry,” he begged, but Harry shook his head.

He took Severus’s hand and placed it atop his heart. His fingers could feel the warm skin, the drumming of his heartbeat.

“Can you hear it, beating like mad for you?” Harry asked, and Severus could feel it.

He focused on that drumming. He had spent so much time listening to Harry's heartbeat, to the pace of his heart rate, that he was intimately familiar with its intricacies. And he could tell it was beating faster.

He looked into his eyes. The emerald green he thought one day would make him lose his mind was barely seen, his pupils black with desire.

“I want you, Severus. In every possible way imaginable,” Harry rasped, and Severus felt his parts twitch at the tone, he repressed a shudder, “I’ve dreamt about it and about a life with you for months...”

Then, Harry moved a bit closer, his other hand travelling to Severus's chest. The nightshirt was thin but Severus could feel his strong and warm hand on him, his heart racing with the contact, the warmth of the body coming off of him.

“And believe it or not, you’re the most magnificent, sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on,” Harry whispered. Severus snorted, but Harry didn't break eye contact, “I know you don’t believe it yourself. But if you could see yourself as I see you, Severus... you’d see how marvellous you are.”

“I’m nothing of the sort, Harry. Be sensible. I am neither attractive nor sexy, my body is scrawny and has too many scars, and...”

“And what if I have a thing for scrawny, pale-skinned bodies? What if I have a thing for scars?” Harry asked, his eyes darting down to the scar on Severus’s neck.

In a slow movement, Harry leaned down and nuzzled the skin of his neck, smelling the slight musk scent. Severus was tense over him, his breath audible when he felt Harry’s wet tongue darting out and licking the scar.

His eyes opened wide in surprise and his entire body shuddered, the warmth and wetness of the tongue sending tremors throughout his body. A moan he couldn't stifle escaped his throat, and he heard Harry’s own muffled moan as his tongue felt it reverberating.

He felt the blood pumping to a certain part of his anatomy, and though he didn’t want to go there yet, it was so pleasurable. Harry was so pleasurable.

Harry Potter... The Boy Who Lived, the Vanquisher of the Dark Lord, the most powerful wizard of his time. The war hero everyone worshipped.

But that morning Harry was none of those things. To him, Harry was the man who’d bewitched his heart, his body and his very soul.

“There was never anyone like you,” Harry whispered, his lips still close to his neck, kissing and nibbling at the skin. “You know I’ve had sex with plenty of men, muggle and wizard, but none of them made me feel what you make me feel. There’s nobody else.”

Severus swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbling with the movement.

“What if... what if I’m not ready yet?” Severus asked, his voice ashamed.

“We’ll wait until you are. Like everything else we’ve done, you won’t have to do anything you don’t want,” Harry said, “and if it never happens, then we will never do it.”

“But Harry, you can’t possibly be serious. You’re young and have all your life ahead of you, you don't want to be tied to share your bed and your life with... with someone like me....” Severus trailed off, shaking his head.

It was just too good to be true.

At that, Harry moved away from Severus a bit, sitting down on the bed. He grabbed Severus’s hands and pulled him into a sitting position too.

“Look me in the eyes, please,” Harry said, and his voice sounded serious.

Severus did, locking eyes with him, Harry’s stern and piercing gaze felt as if he was staring into his very soul.

“I love you.”

The world stopped.

Severus's eyes opened wide, his heart making a triple jump in his chest, then began beating like mad. He blinked, astonishment probably written on his face. His entire body shook with Harry’s declaration, his mouth open wide.

“Wh-what— ”

“Did you honestly believe that I've been with you all this time because I love only your little side? I adore my little boy but it’s not just that. It hasn’t been for months now,” Harry continued.

He grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips. Severus felt the warmth of those chapped lips, the tenderness of Harry’s kiss, the love he was pouring into the contact. It made him shudder and he choked back a whimper of pure emotion.

“I love you, Severus. Absolutely all of you, “Harry whispered, his lips grazing his, “I love it when you wake up in the mornings, still groggy and grumpy, and you cuddle with me. I love your witty humour, your knowledge, your sarcasm, and your bravery. And how you try to hide how big your heart is, but you can’t.”

Severus felt heat rise to his cheeks and he lowered his eyes, trying to hide from Harry’s piercing emerald gaze.

But Harry’s hand went to his cheek, gently rising his head to meet his eyes.

“You are amazing, and I still can't believe you're here with me, after everything we've been through...” Harry trailed off.

He leaned down, and Severus could only stand there, speechless, as Harry pecked his lips in a sweet kiss.

“Can't you see? That cottage, the dream of that life in the countryside, would now be incomplete without you. I want to be with you, always. I want to grow old with you, celebrate every wrinkle and every grey hair we have, and wake up every single morning with you by my side.”

Severus felt a lump in his throat and tears misting his eyes. He swallowed, trying to go past that lump, and rasped.

“What can I give you that you don’t already possess?”

“A family,” Harry stated, “you are the only one who understands me, who looks after me, who gets me. And I can look after you, be that someone for you too.”

Severus forced himself to remain calm, and he swallowed, pursing his lips.

“And... will that be enough for you?”

Harry smiled and shifted even closer. He nuzzled his nose with Severus, their breaths mingling together in the minimal space.

And then, he reached forward. The moment their lips met was electrical and magical, like the first time that Severus used his wand to do magic. He felt something tightening in his stomach, his toes curling, and the most magnificent of sensations cursing through his body. The taste of Harry was soft and sweet, like morning in spring.

When they pulled away, Harry was beaming at him, his eyes sparkling with something he could only describe as joy. And he felt exhilarated in the knowledge that he was capable of making Harry feel that.

“This,” Harry whispered as he nuzzled their noses, “will always be enough, Severus. You are always enough. You are extraordinary.”

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saintsenara · 8 months

Note

are you still doing ur asks abt the ships? if u are what r ur thoughts on wolfstar? if not have a very good day!

thank you very much for the ask anon - and thank you in particular for leading me into danger...

my answer to this is going to be - and wolfstar shippers keep calm please - similar to my jegulus one, which means the tldr is: write what you want, but i’m unlikely to read it, especially if you don’t acknowledge the difference between canon and fanon.

i have no aversion to wolfstar coming up as a background ship (let them be happy while harry/anyone are having drama, i’m all for it) but i generally don’t search out fics in which wolfstar is (one of) the central pairing(s) and tend only to read wolfstar-centric stuff if it’s written or recommended by someone whose opinion i trust.

this isn’t because i think the pairing is unfeasible (the canonical sirius and remus very much have the vibes of people who have enjoyed each other’s bodies…) but because the community which has built up around wolfstar, both among ‘original wolfstar, y’know, like in canon’ fans and their sworn enemies ‘marauders fandom, canon who?’ fans, largely expects certain tropes and characterisations which divorce the characters from what i personally think is interesting about them.

the most egregious of these tropes, in my opinion, is the fact that wolfstar which purports to be canon-compliant or which follows the canon timeline deals so infrequently with the fact that both remus and sirius have such little trust in each other that they believed utterly sincerely that the other was a death eater.

it’s crucial that we understand the profundity of this suspicion and - therefore - what it says about the fragility of the loyalty between them prior to 1980-81. this is not a brief flash of distrust in a high-pressure couple of days at the end of october. the evidence of canon is that we’re talking about a period of months - if not a full year - in which remus and sirius not only think it justifiable to doubt the other’s loyalties, but also seem to be acting on that doubt to try to get the other in trouble.

harry is born in july 1980, at a point when voldemort has all but won the war. severus snape defects to the order at some point relatively soon after this, when voldemort decides that the potters are the family referred to in the prophecy. peter pettigrew then defects to the death eaters in the autumn of 1980 (sirius says in prisoner of azkaban that he was spying for a full year before voldemort’s fall).

snape then evidently tells dumbledore that there is a spy in the order - although he clearly doesn’t, despite a common accusation levelled against him, know this is pettigrew, since the voldemort of the first war has apparently heard of operational security, unlike his resurrected counterpart - and this leads dumbledore to demand a restriction on james and lily’s movements until - by august 1981 (the plausible date of lily’s letter to sirius) - they are basically under house arrest. the implication of canon is that, by this summer at the very latest, james and lily are aware they’re being spied on, from which i think it’s reasonable to infer three things: that dumbledore has begun to suspect that sirius is the spy over the opening half of 1981; that remus, who canonically always trusts dumbledore’s judgements, uses this to confirm his own suspicions about sirius; and that sirius, whose canonical relationship with dumbledore has an undercurrent of unease, especially in order of the phoenix, picks up on this and assumes remus is briefing dumbledore against him. i think it’s also reasonable to infer that the only person convinced there isn’t a spy among his close friends is james.

peter visits the potters’ safe-house and is aware of its address, so we can assume remus and sirius are the same. by october 1981, however, there are clearly concerns that james and lily’s whereabouts are known to the death eaters - perhaps also accompanied by information from snape that voldemort, who loves a bit of symbolism, has selected halloween as the day he will strike - which trigger dumbledore’s advice that they perform the fidelius charm. dumbledore’s unease when james picks sirius as secret keeper is confirmation that he had identified sirius as the spy. that remus is never suggested as a potential candidate is confirmation that sirius believes him to be the spy - and possibly also that james is beginning to think his best friend might be onto something (i always wonder if remus’ bitterness when accusing james of being too trusting in deathly hallows is a flash of self-loathing about the fact that james didn’t trust him). sirius then persuades james to use peter and, within a week of the charm being performed, james and lily are dead, peter has disappeared, and sirius is in azkaban.

[as an aside here, i don’t love the amount of dumbledore bashing in wolfstar, and i think it’s worth doing some dumbledore defence: sirius’ internment in azkaban without trial - a reference to an actual historical event, if you were thinking it sounded far-fetched - is not dumbledore’s fault. the wizengamot acts on dumbledore’s credible belief that sirius was the secret keeper, while sirius - who is cackling his head off the whole time - refuses to speak in his own defence. similarly, dumbledore does not deny sirius access to harry (via hagrid) when he arrives, distraught, in godric’s hollow because he’s contrived a machiavellian plan to keep harry alone and unloved with the dursleys instead of with his true family, but because all the evidence he has available to him is that harry’s life is in danger at sirius’ hands.]

so sirius spends the next twelve years in azkaban, with remus clearly nowhere near his mind. that he stays in prison, and only escapes when he has an unimpeachable chance to get his revenge and protect harry, is because he - like his narrative mirror, snape - is so haunted by his role (indirect, but he canonically thinks that he essentially cast the killing curse himself) in the death of someone he fiercely loved that he considers azkaban a punishment he deserves.

this links to the next issue i have with a lot of wolfstar: that the defining force in both remus and sirius’ lives is james, not each other. the dynamic of the marauders is frequently reduced to the following: wolfstar, who are best friends and lovers it would take the heat-death of the universe to pull apart; james and whatever romantic partner the story wishes to pair him with, who are the same; and peter, who is either there and completely futile, or is replaced with a fanonised female character (dorcas, marlene, alice etc. - none of whom, may i say, it makes sense to have in the same school year as the marauders, dumbledore is not actually running the order as a gang of child soldiers) or a woobiefied death eater (regulus black, barty crouch jr., evan rosier etc.).

but in canon, a different dynamic is clear. james is the lynchpin of the marauders’ world, the anchoring point to all their sense of self; and the moment he is out of the picture no bonds of loyalty remain among the other three. (it’s tempting to think that remus always harbours a belief that sirius is innocent, but i think that this would be less due to an unconditional affection for his friend and more due to the fact that his own self-loathing needs to believe that he couldn’t have stopped james and lily dying; which he should have done if sirius really was the culprit, since he clearly suspected he was a death eater).

if you asked remus, sirius, and peter, clearly each of them would describe james as their best friend (even though james’ eyes are only for sirius - he only has one best man, and harry only has one godfather), but their relationships with each other outside of james are less clearly defined, at least before sirius and remus are the only two left.

this doesn’t prevent pre-1981 (or james lives au) wolfstar - your boyfriend and your best friend being different people is fine, obviously - but it is going to change the dynamic between them in ways i think are significant and which i would like to see explored more, particularly in ways which acknowledge that - for remus and sirius - this dynamic might not lead to the healthiest relationship…

for example, during their schooldays, wolfstar are likely to talk to each other through james, rather than james being surplus to the flirtatious dynamic between them; remus is likely to feel awkward or insecure about the fact that sirius - whose personality is closer to james’ than his - is so happy and gregarious in james’ company; sirius is likely to resent remus’ tendency to stay out of the action, since the fact that he and james mutually encourage each other in their exploits is key to their relationship; remus is likely to resent the fact that sirius is treated by the potters as a second son, while he isn’t, and so on.

during the first war, even if we remove the fact they suspect each other of spying from the equation, they will clash over how to protect james, and remus will undoubtedly take this to mean that sirius cares more for james than for him. during the second war, the long shadow of james - so painful that remus can still barely talk about him, while sirius wants to do nothing but - will hover over everything.

and this leads on to the third reason i generally don’t enjoy wolfstar: that the complicated threads of their canon personalities are removed or reduced to irrelevance to make them fit fanon which has no basis in the books.

now, i’m not going to get into appearance discourse here, although yes, i prefer a tall sirius who tends to wear wizarding clothing and has never heard a single cool piece of muggle music in his life, and i prefer a hollowed and world-weary remus who doesn’t have visible scars. i think background discourse is slightly more important: a great deal of sirius is lost if he is turned into someone who likes being pureblood, who feels more comfortable around his ‘own kind’, or who aspires to sit on the hereditary wizengamot; a great deal of remus is lost if he is turned into someone who didn’t grow up in a loving home with parents who did their best, but whose inability to give him the childhood he really deserved in the face of the prejudice against werewolves in the wizarding world encouraged his absurd gratitude towards anyone who made even a half-hearted effort to act in his interests.

all of my preferred aspects of characterisation are canon-compliant. but deviating from total canon compliance is not a moral failing. the term is more flexible than some of its defenders acknowledge, and people are at perfect liberty to imagine that characters look, identify, or behave differently than they do in the canon narrative without that automatically bringing accusations of writing them out-of-character (after all, it’s clear in the books that both harry and hermione are white, but art and fics which portray them as a different race can still meaningfully be described as canon-compliant if that's an aim they're written to have).

similarly, rejecting canon compliance entirely is just as fine - i think you should indicate to your readers if you’re doing that, but i’m capable of using the back button and moving on with my life if you don’t.

the only hard and fast rule is don’t seek out people who do things differently to you and insult them directly, although i would also suggest that it’s worthwhile to spend a bit of time in introspection about how lots of popular wolfstar and the fandom around it - like the fandom around all slash ships - portrays queerness in ways which are heteronormative (i.e. exclusively equating bottoming with femininity) and portrays women in ways which are misogynistic (i.e. how tonks is often treated in wolfstar discourse).

however, with this said, i think there is a difference between rejecting canon compliance and yet still writing the characters in ways which feel connected in interesting ways to their complex canon selves, and just writing original characters named sirius black and remus lupin.

because i just cannot get on board with a remus who is written as the cleverest one of the four, as assertive and direct instead of avoidant and passive-aggressive, as anything other than incredibly selfish, as anything other than an extreme people-pleaser, as being soft and sensitive (his mild manner hides the fact that he is incredibly cold and calculating - this is a man who is prepared to execute wormtail in front of three children mere minutes after learning he’s still alive), as majorly regretting the snape-versus-werewolf incident (he loves it! snape is terrified of him! he downplays it constantly!), or as functioning as the moral heart of the marauders (when sirius says in order of the phoenix that remus tried to restrain their bullying of snape, he is doing it to make remus - who is incapable of self-criticism - feel better in the face of harry’s anger) when he is in fact quite morally cowardly.

and i cannot get on board with a sirius who is written as a goofy himbo, as a constant flirt and womaniser (more grey-ace sirius, i would like to see it), as the world’s wokest king (a man who’s upset his slave isn’t sufficiently deferential to him isn’t someone who’s going to speak in queer theory buzzwords - this, of course, doesn’t prevent sirius being written as queer, non-binary, trans, femme, and so on, it just means that authors have to deal with the fact that sirius’ way of existing as any of these things will be human, rather than perfect), as a small bean unable to take care of himself (he escapes from prison and swims across the north sea! he charges into danger at the drop of a hat!), as anything other than incandescently loyal to james and harry, as - after james’ death - anything other than completely wrecked by guilt over the fact he caused it, as best friends with his brother and his gang of slytherins, or as lacking the fundamental arrogance and cruelty which make him so interesting.

and wolfstar can work, absolutely, when these things are taken into account. i find the idea of second war remus and sirius, stuck in grimmauld place together, buying harry a joint christmas present, the last survivors in a generation completely hollowed out by loss, incredibly moving. remus' choice to self-destruct in half-blood prince - having lost sirius so soon after having found him again - does, i think, justifiably indicate a change in their relationship during order of the phoenix which can be seen as romantic. i find the idea of first war remus and sirius, each in love with a man they think is a spy, wonderfully bittersweet. i find the idea of school-aged remus pining desperately for a friend who is head-over-heels in love with james to be, quite frankly, canon.

and i also think that two original characters called sirius black and remus lupin can do whatever they want - i’ll just be closing my eyes, pretending i cannot see, and leaving them to it.

#asks answered #asenora's opinions on ships #wolfstar #i am once again in danger

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