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sillysecretwriting · 4 months

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Being somewhere on both aro and ace spectrums and having a partner is such an odd type of erasure. Like up until accidentally starting to date my current partner, I'd always just say "I don't really date" if people asked about my romantic life and just left it there. I knew that I was so rarely romantically attracted to people, it wasn't never, but the number of people I've been romantically attracted to in my entire life is maybe three? My partner is one of the three, so I ended up having this cute person that I'm romantically attracted to and now share large portions of my life with, but my identity hasn't changed. Our relationship is the rarity, not the normal for me, but now when people ask, and I tell them I have a partner, that larger portion of me that doesn't always understand why other people are so set on having a partner or why there's so much stigma around being single, is just erased in that person's eyes.

I was happy alone and didn't feel like anything was missing. I'm also happy with my partner. But I just hate that the aro (and ace) spectrum parts of my identity become invisible as soon as I mention my partner.

#grey aromantic #aromantic spectrum #grey aroace #aroace #erasure #demirose #demiromantic #demisexual #asexual #sex-preferable ace #romance-neutral aro #aromantic #aro #ace

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alevens · 3 months

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zolu is maybe one of the easiest ships i've ever liked. they're dating, except when they're not, they're best friends even when they're kissing and they're still captain and first mate when they aren't. they hold hands, they hug. they have sex. they don't.

Luffy can hold Zoro's katanas and Zoro can hold Luffy's strawhat and no one bats an eye. one says "You're so cool!" and the other says "You're strong" and it's just another way to say "I see you, this is why I follow you/this is why I trust you". it's not seeing each other for a long time and still knowing how the other's steps sound like against wood and sand. the captain runs and the first mate follows. it's always "Zoro and the others" and "Where's Luffy?"

if they're just friends, if they're something more, if they don't have a label for it, at its core, it's just about how they get each other. they understand how the other's mind works. however you view them, it doesn't erase they fact that they love each other in a way they don't love other people.

#zolu #on why i love zolu #seeing the hate its gotten on its own tag #i figured i'd put it on my two cents #i am aroace and i do hc Luffy as aroace #the same for Zoro if i'm honest #but the thing about this hc is that not only it isn't canon #but is an actual spectrum #what really made me pause was that the argument was that zolu was an “icky” ship bc of how they viewed Luffy as aroace #i would have prefered they just said they hate the ship #it makes sense as i do too hate ships without reason sometimes #but it was how they seemed to view aromatic/asexual people that fucked me up #both orientations are spectrums #the way i see it and experience it isn't the same other people do #giving this label and then saying it only woks on one way is disrespectful to the many people that fall under this umbrella #it isn't as simple as saying “aromantic folks can't experience love” and “yeah ace folks all find sex disgusting”#everyone is different everyone has different views and it's about finding what fits *you* personally!#sorry for the rant on tags i just wanted to get it off my chest #i've seen more people explain it better and break it down more coherently #and i'm so so glad to see so many big brained people ready to communicate on why that take just wasn't it #one piece

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mysticalfestivaloperatorbagel · 4 months

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The best part of being asexual is getting to say something mildly enjoyable is better than sex. Like yeah maybe a triple chocolate layer cake is better than Brenda's lame husband's dick, but it feels like a privilege to go "this slice of tomato is better than sex" and mean it

#and of course asexuality is a spectrum #some aces prefer sex to tomatoes #ace #acespec #asexual #chocolate cake #tomato #tomatoes #i love tomatoes

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lifeasasardine · 6 months

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there is something so queer about rayllum

like they are at the very least a straight passing queer couple

every time people mention the queer relationships in tdp as a general thing I automatically consider rayllum as a part of that

I have no doubts that they are a girl and a boy in a relationship(s4 and after design for callum is the ultimate gender for me like he's so gorgeous beautiful pretty boy it makes my transmasc ass so happy but anyway that was irrelevant)

I have no headcanons of either of them being trans or anything and it still looks like a queer relationship to me(I do have hcs of them being bi or pan or something but even despite that what the two of them have seems so internally queer)

#tdp #the dragon prince #tdp callum #tdp rayla #dragon prince callum #dragon prince rayla #dragon prince #rayllum #rayla #it is cool if you do have differwnt headcanons #these are just my surface level hcs #also this is just a personal preference #but i am asexual and sex makes me very uncomfortable #so for me everyone is ace by default #that mean them too

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moonyinpisces · 7 months

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i'm glad i came across your blog because i know i can scroll through without stumbling across major fandom nonsense. it never fails to amazing me how aziraphale and crowley refer to themselves as men, present as men, and are referred to as men by other people (in a show that doesn't misgender anyone) for 6000 years, with exception of wearing "feminine clothes" twice in that time, and yet the fandom will insist they're not canonically men (and by extension, gay) because of their sex... and they just refused to see how homophobic and transphobic that is. suddenly ignoring how people identify and deferring to sex (which hasn't be confirmed in the series at all either) has become so normalised in this fandom. drives me mad.

you are in good company here because these people are essentially saying “how these two people identify doesn’t matter! what matters most of all is that these two men Cannot fuck on my tv screen. but also they’re not men so you fags can’t call me homophobic for it” like it’s NUTS and so so transphobic, especially bc i consider azcrow to inherently be a t4t pairing just canonically

like headcanons are fine but there’s a frustrating anti-intellectual and regressive mentality plaguing social media these days that not only views the most “woke” headcanons as fact, but then attack other people for not having them, as if they’re somehow true! like i’m sorry, i don’t think crowley and aziraphale are like reaching into a hat of identities and picking out the ones that fans have imprinted onto them when the truth is. literally what the show gives us. that’s all we have. i’ve had my posts on here bitched about on twitter because i called them gay men 😭 like how is this news to some of you weirdos

i think the show absolutely sets the foundations and opens up the possibility of something more textual regarding their identities, and i’ll wave the white flag if neil ever makes all the gender fucky stuff explicit in s3, but like. viewing the text as we have it now just simply gives us two gay men. keep having a ball in the fandom making art and writing fics and cosplaying and i’ll eat it up with a spoon but don’t attack me for having basic media literacy 😭😭

#sex is so inseparable from love that there’s an identity signifying that you prefer love without it #which i am not shaming for the record. but like. they’re gay and love each other the human way which includes and will always include sex #gabe and beelzebub are the textual ace couple you want #they said they don’t eat and drink and that they’re each others heaven and hell #if i think about every comparison between that couple and azcrow and the ramifications on the gomens story as a whole. i’ll explode #ask box

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scrollll · 4 months

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Hi there :) I'm sorry to bother you but this is very important because you are now the chosen Ace who can give me their perspective on Zouey. I have adamantly argued that Zouey can be read as being on the ace spectrum but some of my friends say that's not realistic. My arguments: - He gets aroused by things that are removed from reality (hentai) and in moments where there is no risk of actually having to be sexual with the person (Teena as a model) but he struggles to enjoy the "real" thing -> sounds very aegosexual to me. - He says sex is for everybody but him. Later he changes that to "sex might be for him if it's combined with love" -> that could either hint at him being demi or it could mean that he is willing to have sex out of love for his significant other (as many aces do). - He can give pleasure and touch others but doesn't like to be touched -> this feels ace to me but I can't really explain why - Even when he touches Teena, he often struggles with things that are "more" sexual (like touching genitals) -> could be that he feels strong sensual attraction towards Teena. He also seems to distance himself from the reality of the situation by escaping into the fantasy of hentai, another thing many aces do because the reality of sex actually turns them off. - He thinks he wants to have penetrative sex with Teena but then doesn't enjoy it

Their strongest counter argument is that Zouey gave Teena a bj in episode 1. Now, I see their point. And I don't think Zouey being acespec is the only valid interpretation of his character. I like some of the other interpretations just as much. BUT I hate when people tell me that he can't possibly be on the ace spec. We have so little representation as it is and telling us that a character who speaks to us actually can't be like us feels shitty. I'm ace myself but my experience with sex is quite different from his. From your post it seems that you can relate to Zouey a lot. So if you feel comfortable sharing your perspective, I'm sure that would be valuable not only for me but for other aces as well. Thanks for making that post! (Also that Chinese definition of asexuality is so badass xD)

For starters, my sweet love anon, thank you so much for this ask and a big warm hug through the internet for you if you feel comfortable with it :D

And it's no bother, I like talking and writing XD

And regarding Zouey... welp, you asked, so I will deliver but be prepared for a longer essay XD

Let's start with the basics for those who are not quite familiar with asexuality: asexuality is a broad spectrum with many different nuances, gray areas and so on.

In the asexual community (as well as in some others), a distinction is made between romantic and sexual orientation. It is therefore possible to love a person romantically and still have no or only very limited sexual desires.

So: Asexual people fall in love with others, they want romantic or platonic relationships, but mostly without feeling sexual attraction for them.

Asexuality doesn't always mean that a person doesn't have sex. Yep, it may sound strange at first, but it's true. Many asexual people satisfy themselves or have sex, e.g. because they want to have a child, but nothing more. Some asexuals who are sex-positive or sex-neutral, i.e. who are not repulsed by the idea of sexual activity or are simply indifferent to it, have had sex or participate in sexual acts.

So an asexual who has sex will not suddenly become homosexual or straight, they can still feel like they belong to the ace spectrum. There are a variety of labels that break it all down and all fall under the ace umbrella, like placiosexual, lithosexual, cupiosexual, but to make a long story short, for many of us it's just too complicated :) So many just prefer "Ace-spec" or Ace-spectrum, but that's a personal preference of myself and a few ace friends of mine. It's nice to know the labels, but usually just too complicated for everyday use XD

And I also rank Zouey's blowjob from EP.1 on the ace spectrum. You very aptly mentioned the point that Zouey gets aroused by things that aren't part of reality. I think in EP 1 the blowjob went in exactly that direction.

For Zouey, as we also find out later, Teena is first of all a beautiful work of art himself. In his imagination, he sees him more as a statue that he can touch than as a person. Only when he runs into the bathroom does this bubble burst for the moment.

Zouey seems very overwhelmed to me, which I can understand, because he normally only experiences sexual stimulation from two-dimensional figures. Teena, however, crosses the line. For Zouey, he is at first only a two-dimensional figure on his easel, but at the same time he exists in real life. Zouey, who only knows sexual attraction based on hentai or pictures, is now confused as to whether this means that he finds Teena or only Teena's picture (similar to Jump's) attractive.

At this moment, however, I don't think he really got anything like sexual arousal or desire from Teena himself. It was, as I said, initially only Teena's picture that aroused him, the confusion comes because Teena runs after him and Zouey is undecided whether he should treat him like an aesthetic art object or like a human being and whether he would still find him attractive as a human being at all.

Zouey decides in favor of safety. He wants to return to the art room, back in front of his canvas and the distance he knows and feels comfortable with.

The blowjob is initiated by Teena putting Zouey's hand on his crotch, making it clear that he is not just interested in a conversation and certainly doesn't want to go back to painting.

And Zouey knows that.

In a household like that with Captain and Porsche, it's pretty much impossible to avoid the topic of sex permanently. As an ace, we may not be interested in sex, but especially if you have friends who are very sexually active, you get a lot of information.

And you can't tell me that the baddie bunch hasn't talked about blowjob tactics and the like at least thirty times. Especially because really none of them can shut up and Captain and Porsche are very keen to get Zouey deflowered soon.

So Zouey presumably knows the stories from his friends and knows on a logical level what it means when someone practically hands you their dick on a silver platter. And he has the theoretical knowledge, so why not try it out, especially with an aesthetically pleasing man like Teena, who is a painting come to life for him from an artistic perspective?

What I'm trying to say is that I don't think it was a real sexual attraction at that moment, but rather an action-reaction. Of course, attraction can also play a role, but as I said, it doesn't have to be sexual, it can have an aesthetic origin, especially with Zouey's artistic mind.

Sex-indifferent aces are not repulsed by all sexual acts, so if our partner desires certain types of satisfaction and we feel like doing it, why not?

As the episode progresses, Zouey gives Teena another blowjob, but still dear people, Bj does not equal sex. Zouey still clearly shows his rejection of penetrative sex, or sexual acts that involve him. And that's pretty typical of us aces, or at least the ones I've met on the spectrum so far.

It feels okay to read about or watch sexual acts (mostly for aesthetic reasons rather than masturbation, but I don't want to generalize) because in 3rd perspective you are detached from the action and can look at it objectively.

You're not involved and that's nice.

By satisfying Teena, Zouey can still keep himself uninvolved. A nice term under the Ace umbrella for this is: Placiosexual (meaning a person that is okay and comfortable with performing sexual actions onto others but is uncomfortable having sexual acts performed onto them) This can still have limits and gradations, such as no penetrative sex in general or sexual acts under certain conditions.

As I said, also with the further development in the series and the way he deals with Teena and sexual innuendos, Zouey just feels very ace-coded to me. He moves on the spectrum, again, labels are nothing solid, but the vibes and the whole thing… Yeah, he is a fellow oft he ace for me XD

I wouldn't be surprised if he turns into Demi or Gray-ace, but his general view of sex and the way he's starting to expand his comfort zone bit by bit is very familiar to me from myself and my adventures on the asexual spectrum XD

However you interpret Zouey, for me he's chilling on the ace-spec XD It's my personal interpretation of him and I'll stick with that for now. I don't want to badmouth anyone's idea of Zouey, in the end he's a fictional character that we can interpret differently :)

But it feels very nice to have someone who thinks similarly :D

So, before this gets way too long, I'll make a cut here, but feel free to write me or send an ask if I should clarify anything :)

#anon ask #asexuality #i am nowhere near a 'pro' this is just my humble opinion and view #may have worded something wrong but i hope you get my idea XD #didn't want to go on a personal rant about my discover of asexuality so i tried to keep the focus on zouey #still #to my fellow aces we all experience different stuff that's why it is a fun little spectrum^^#don't let anyone tell you how you should feel or act to be considered ace #although i personally don't see it that strict with interpretations or headcannons. there are some i prefer. some i don't.#i prefer zouey being ace because yeah it fits this series about sex drugs and rock'roll XD #playboyy the series #playboyy meta #is it?#teena x zouey

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the-crimson · 11 months

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I think the reason I love 4halo so much as an aro spec person is because forever was looking for love so hard that he latched onto the first person who was kind to him: Philza. But he didn’t find love there, he found it over time in a place he didn’t expect, in the friend that has been there for him since the beginning, even if he didn’t know/thought bbh creepy/scary.

Their love (platonic or romantic) was born from mutual respect and compassion and those are my favorite types of fictional relationships.

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b1acksuede · 5 months

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ferris, a man who is all about being in control, having romantic tendencies towards women who are on the brink of spiraling out of control, who are a little too messy, who could wreak havoc on his life.... huh.... interesting....

#lets not even get into the fact that hes definitely a switch but...#likes it a little too much when women grab him by the throat #or put their fingers in his mouth like. hes a freak #what else am i supposed to say ???#not to say that people on the ace spectrum cant have bedroom preferences #but the more i learn about ferris im like. you sure its just sex positivity #sighs. gOODNIGHT #tbd

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rugessnome · 2 months

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...in light of certain statements by Ian McDiarmid you may be wondering what I, your neighborhood Sith hugger make of them.

...

yeah, I am not convinced away from my own habitual "everybody is aro spec/ace spec and my fave can be aroace like *me*"

I have my doubts that McDiarmid is actually reasonably informed about asexuality and I suspect he made the statement from a place of unexamined allonormativity.

BUT I also don't agree with him that considering the possibility of the character having sex is unpleasant. Or at least it's not appreciably different in that regard for me to think about Palpatine than it is re any given character I at least somewhat like.

(I do, however, still loath the harem notion of Legends)

#i don't really care that “oh villains make bad aro/ace rep” I am not doing this bc I think he is incapable of love!#also I do it to practically everyone.#99% of the time I don't write him as ever having sex and another 0.99% of the time it's not something habitual.#otoh I almost always write him as at least potentially into the [nonsexual] powerplay of consensual kidnapping.#and possibly other stuff... 😄#(...I also feel that the fandom has some tendency to assume his/assign him preferences based on him not being that overtly masc #which I am not that wild about but you know. you do you.)

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