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#rocks and other shiny stuff
kinocharlley · 2 years
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jamiesfootball · 10 months
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Always lowkey simmering a Leverage AU in the back of my head hear me out:
Ted is an ex-insurance investigator who was able to get his son life-saving medical treatment because his first, original Crime Pal Beard was like ‘Ted if your company doesn’t come through with the coverage, we’re doing things my way.’
The company did not come through. The company did let him go due to suspicion of Ted’s involvement in the incident, but Ted will happily remind folks that no charges were formally pressed. Henry is alive and healthy and living with Michelle, who divorced Ted shortly thereafter (not just because of pre-existing marital problems, but because Ted wouldn’t tell her anything about why the doctors “””suddenly decided to do the procedure for free”””). Shortly thereafter, Ted fled the country.
What Ted learned from the whole experience is that there’s a lot of people out there, good people just trying to live by the rules, but sometimes things happen that are just out of their control. And well- if we’ve got the means to help the good people out when no one else will, then shouldn’t we try?
“We’ve got means,” Beard agrees. “And motives.”
They do things Beard’s way now.
#also Rebecca is a grifter who gave it up when she married into money and her name(s) echo mysteriously through the back alleys of London#“did you hear about this Secret Princess Lydia who went missing in the 90s?’ ‘yes Ted that was me’#the woman is constantly dodging every half-told lie she made on a lark twenty years ago but she is amazing at keeping them straight#and Roy- Roy long ago took an injury that ended his career as a footballer before it started#and he fell into a bad spot as a hitter#and then he fell into a worse spot#and then he dug himself out for his neice that no one knows about (see: everyone knows about think mafia kid no one is allowed to touch her)#the problem now is he’s getting old#the hits hit harder and his speed isn’t what it used to be#(Roy Kent’s slow is still leagues beyond what these young wannabe punks can do these days)#keeley! she is a sneak thief. very charming. tiny. great with repelling down sides of buildings#loves money and shiny rocks and thinks Rebecca is the bee’s knees#and then there’s Jamie who is a 24 year old hacker with gaudy taste no knack for accents and a problem with authority#in this au him and ted have basically split Nate’s backstory#Ted’s dad took him to bars and taught him little tricks and mind games- nothing fancy just stuff an HR person might know#meanwhile Jamie’s dad took him to shady deals in bars because his dad was a fixer who’d put bad guys in touch with each other#jamie keeps a tracker running on his laptop with his dad’s whereabouts at all times#unfortunately he didn’t think that anyone else would bother looking for him- he’s not exactly a big time crook#but Ted and his crew have pissed off Rupert Mannion who is big time and who wants to hit back at Rebecca for making a fool of him#and Mannion’s people have identified that the way in to breaking their little crew is through Jamie#who’s name sounds so ridiculous people have assumed it was fake this whole time#anyways#thanks for reading#I will likely never write this but boy I have ideas 💡#leverage au#ted lasso#jamie tartt#roy kent#keeley jones#rebecca welton
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lovelesslittleloser · 7 months
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People should be more afraid of asexuals, because they’re the only people that are immune to one of the seven deadly sins
#seven deadly sins#maybe they have metaphorical lust. lust for the aesthetic#asexual#we also should fear aromantics but they aren’t necessarily immune to lust so fear them for the usual reasons#pride? sometimes can be negated by self-hatred but usually shows up when you do something to be proud of. as it should#greed? you might donate your money to orphans but if anyone touches your collection of shiny trinkets their hand will be removed#envy? unless you have never met any other living beings I don’t think it’s possible to escape this one#wrath? work in public service for a week and we’ll get you wanting to fistfight god#gluttony? eating disorders are a thing; however you should definitely eat something unless you wanna die#sloth? insomnia is a thing. but you should probably sleep if you don’t want to be driven mad upon the rocks#honestly too little of the seven deadly sins is also bad. no sloth? you’re barely functioning. no gluttony? you die of starvation.#no wrath? you’ll become a doormat. no envy? you’ll never want to improve yourself. no greed? you give all your stuff away and are now poor#no pride? you don’t love yourself AT ALL. no lust? no new generation.#and frankly that last one isn’t bad in the slightest considering that much is also true for people with a same-gender significant other#(unless they are also trans and willing but that’s a them problem to have)#plus overpopulation is a thing anyway so frankly the less lust the better.#the avatar of lust has been too overworked the past few decades and and wants a damn break for once#tw eating issues#tw eating disorder#eating disorder mention#shitpost
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byanyan · 5 months
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oops, got myself thinking again about byan having a little hoard of weird and random trinkets and shiny things hidden away under their bed in the same way that some cats have collections of bottle caps under furniture.
like, none of it is particularly meaningful and they don't wear any of the jewelry that's under there, but they like to pull it all out once in a while to look at and are always adding more
#there's a lot of jewelry but there's a lot of other shiny things and weirder stuff too#like there's a heart shaped rock they stole from someone in elementary and some pretty feathers they've found on the ground#but then there's also a wrapper from a cute snack they had and a bone from some random animal they found in a park#colourful buttons and cute ribbons and a trading card from a game they've never played#and probably also a pink bottle cap tbh#literally just a random collection of Stuff they like but have no use for#it's a collection they've had to rebuild a few times too#bc staff/caretakers at the group home(s) would find it all sometimes and throw away whatever looked like junk or trash#tbh it's a collection they still have and add to even after they move in w sol and start sharing a bed#and they still keep it under the bed ofc bc it's habit at this point and honestly I'm not so sure they've even told him it's there 🤔#...im rambling bc I'm kinda buzzed but like. idk I love byan and their pile of random shit#I think part of what got them started was want to actually Have Things bc they grew up not having much#and they would ABSOLUTELY get jealous of kids at school who had all kinds of belongings#who could have coherent collections and all the cool toys and shit#so they just started collecting anything that caught their eye#even if it was labels off of bottles or those cheap erasers shaped like animals or food or w/e that don't actually erase anything#and it's a habit that persisted after they started stealing basically anything they wanted/needed#and will continue to persist even once they have a job and money to buy what they want#god I kept rambling even after trying to wrap things up smh#this is the shit I'm talking about when I say I have weirdly specific and detailed thoughts about inane and unimportant aspects of byan#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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brokenhardies · 5 months
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OCs + Tumblr Text Post Memes
Skye Jane V Jane VI Amber Talbot Tina Strode
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@darth-caillic​ @sterling-writes​ @wonderguards​ @reirvival​ @arrthurpendragon​ @foxesandmagic @eddysocs @superspookyjanelle (want to be added or removed? send an ask or a dm!)
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reuniclus · 2 years
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Too tired to look at Comic Con pics but the credit card statements have caused me psychic damage. Grant it a lot of what I bought are future gifts for folks but fuckin past me (as in me from a few days ago) had to go and buy 6 sets of Chessex dice what even.
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zwei-rhunen · 7 months
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yess i have 20 free slots of inventory back \o/
i wish you could stack furnishing items though... :')
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blondwhowrites · 9 days
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Doberman!Mattheo x raccoon! Reader
They are both in there animagus form and raccoon! Reader keeps getting distracted by pretty rocks and lost jewelry so he bites the back of her neck and picks her up and she just dangles from his mouth trying to get out to pick more stuff up
You're fussing, your little raccoon hands trying to swat him away to no use—Mattheo was way too strong to overpower, especially in your tiny raccoon body. You let out an angry hiss, snarling at your boyfriend as he carried you back to the castle by the scruff of your neck. It didn't hurt; in fact, you could hardly feel the canine's teeth digging into your fur. It was just annoying—kinda like him.
Mattheo Thomas Riddle sucked. 
It wasn't often that Mattheo spent time with you in his animagus form—the time spent secretly stalking you as a dog did not count. Besides, he was more than happy to carry you back especially if it meant keeping you from stealing more things.
You once again hissed, your little body dangling around frantically, trying to break free. He growled warningly and you instantly went limp letting out a defeated yowl. He would chuckle if he could at how easily you were defeated. 
Neither of you cared about the befuddled stares of the other students as you two entered back into the castle as raccoon and dog. You were too distracted by the endless amount of shiny things the other students possessed to even think about someone looking at you weirdly, and well, Mattheo simply didn't care. 
"Uh...Mattheo?" A body entered Mattheo's vision, forcing him to stop and look up.
Theo stared down at the two animals clearly confused. It was obvious to him just who the animals were but he had never expected to see them out in the open, especially like that... "Lemme guess—Princess wouldn't stop picking up things again?" If Mattheo could nod his head, he would, but the weight of your tiny body was keeping him from doing so. 
You stared up at Theo, and you once again began to squirm in the air, trying to get loose. You let out a squeal of joy as your boyfriend finally placed you down back onto the ground, and instantly you scrambled to Theo. Using your claws, you climbed up his body and into his arm. 
Theo crooned, cradling you in his arms. "Hi princess," he smiled, seeing you so sweetly snuggle right into his arms. In the corner of his eyes, he could see the dog walking away. He inwardly sighed, knowing he was now stuck looking after you for the rest of the day. 
Even your boyfriend needed a break from your chaos every once in a while.
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drabblesbyjubs · 8 months
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Just Need Time
Astarion x gn! Tav Reader, Astarion is pent up but also wants to please the reader, he makes himself want to have sex with reader but reader stops him and helps him figure out what he really wants. Fluff, smut, a little bit of angst. Minors DNI
Tws// mentions of sexual trauma, Astarion’s backstory stuff, mild disassociation for a few minutes, trauma, mild spoilers for non ascended Astarion’s ending, sexual content and smut
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I want everyone to know that I got stuck working an 8 hour shift as a cashier on my last day of work so I wrote this between customers, enjoy and here’s to my new job
Time with Astarion is sacred.
After nearly losing him multiple times throughout your journey to rid yourselves of the mind flayer parasite, you’d come to appreciate every second you spent with him. Every moment during the day, snuggling and spending time with one another, and spending the nights running through Faerûn and enjoying the adrenaline of exploration, it was all beyond precious to you both.
But especially to Astarion. For the first time in two centuries, he belonged to himself; he could go where he wanted, do what he wanted, be what he wanted. He was free.
That didn’t mean he was alright, though.
Being with you had helped. You’d shown him freedom, devotion, and everything he’d ever wished he could have had in a partner. But part of his mind was still stuck in that dark, dank crypt, the smell of mildew festering in his lungs, the fear at the sound of every footstep lurking in his heart. The nights he was let out, but not to be free, only to use his body to gain some innocent soul’s trust and bring them back for him to take out his most wretched fantasies on.
Astarion was usually the victim of these fantasies, but if Cazador truly did what he wished with Astarion, well, there would be no more Astarion to take out those fantasies on.
Those memories plagued his mind nearly every night. He often woke from the nightmares feeling utterly emotionless, numb to the world. Fear aches low in his heart, and he would roll over and scoot up to you. You took him in to your arms with no question; you already knew.
Sometimes he would jolt out of bed, too enveloped by the memories to realize it was you next to him. He would become defensive, either scared of you or insisting you leave before he came back. When he snapped back to reality, he was utterly humiliated, but you never shamed him, always made him feel like everything would be okay, and he would forget about the terrors of the night before by the time you two set out for adventure after sunset.
He wanted more than anything to be like a normal person; completely comfortable in his relationship, never a fear that things would go awry, blindly trusting and accepting of everything you did. You understood why he couldn’t be like that, and did your best to make him feel as close to normal as he ever could. And gods, did he love you for that. You were utterly hypnotizing, he would tear out his heart with a stake if you asked him; hell, he would carve the stake himself. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for you.
And even if you assured him he owed you nothing at all, not even a passing glance, he wanted to give you something to make you happy.
He often gave you wildflowers, knowing you always liked the bright colors and soft petals, or smooth, shiny rocks he found down by the creek, or little rings and necklaces he bought with his dwindling gold supply when the two of you went in to town. But he still often felt like the only thing he could do right enough to truly make others happy was sex.
It was practiced, it was routine. Use his body to make someone feel good, make a few pretty faces, and it was done. There was something safe in the familiarity of it, though the sheer gut wrenching disgust that followed after never sit right with him.
You hadn’t hesitated to agree when Astarion had asked if you two could stop having sex for a while. Your sexual activity had dwindled anyways; you’d often told him you were just tired, or wanted to make sure you had plenty of energy for the coming day. Part of him knew you could tell he didn’t really want it, but he chose to believe you just wanted a break, and it was relieving to not have to perform. It was a weight off of his shoulders.
But more recently, he’d been pent up. He found himself craving release; of course he thought of coming to you for help, but the thought of having to perform, to make you feel good and owe you that pleasure after he takes his own, it sent a writhing sensation under his skin. As much as he liked the thought of seeing your eyes filled with arousal, he didn’t want that feeling of perform. Continue. No choice. Earn your life, bring him someone.
But he wanted to make you happy. He had done this so many times before; why not once more, just to see you satisfied? You must be pent up as well after so long of dealing with his unwillingness to give you something so simple. It was the least he could do. He would achieve the release he’d began to crave, you would be happy, and he would know you would stay with him and know he cared for you.
..
Astarion rolled above you, that mischievous smirk on his face as he looked down at you. You laughed softly, rolling your eyes. “Someone’s in a playful mood tonight,” you teased, to which Astarion hummed.
“Whoever could that be?” He muttered, leaning down and capturing you in a kiss. You felt his tongue swipe across your lower lip, but before you could grant him entrance, he pulled away, before moving to mouth softly at your neck. You hummed, your chest fluttering as you inhaled. You could feel his lips move against you, his tongue swiping over the scars of old bites, his canines brush dangerously over the delicate skin of your neck.
You put your hands on his chest and muttered, “Mmh, Astarion, what’s going on?”
“Hmm?” He hummed in a questioning tone.
“You don’t normally act like this,” you breathed. “Is everything okay?”
“So sweet for asking,” he murmured. “Just pent up. I want you, if you’ll have me.”
You scanned over his face; nothing seemed off. He seemed genuine. You weren’t sure why he was offering though; this wasn’t like him. Maybe he was actually just pent up?
“You promise you’ll tell me to stop if it’s too much?”
“Of course, love,” he breathed against your neck, softly nipping at the skin there, threatening to break skin.
You nod, hands running up his sides. “Okay. As long as you promise.”
Astarion gave a pleased sound, his hands snaking under your shirt. Calloused fingertips brushed against your skin, before pulling your shirt up above your head and leaning down to kiss at your shoulders, mouth at your collarbones, and nip at your chest.
You gave a shaky sigh, your hand running over his back, savoring the way he arched against the touch. He was good at this, no doubt, but it always hurt you to think of *why.*
Astarion leaned back, staring down at you almost hungrily. He pulled his own shirt over his head, and you leaned up to run your hands over his chest and his stomach, before leaning in to kiss at the little dimple between his collarbones. He was always finicky about kissing his neck, especially on the side Cazador bit him on, and you didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable, so you stuck to his shoulders and chest for now.
His hands found your waist, and as you pulled away from him, you saw the slightest flicker of hesitation in his eyes before he pushed you down to the bedroll and pulled your hips up against his, softly grinding against the curve of your ass.
You weren’t worried about that, though; you saw the way his eyes had slowly grown foggy and distant, the loss of expression, and the way his touches became almost rhythmic, nearly robotic; practiced and routine.
“Stop,” you said.
Astarion snapped out of it in an instant, present here and now once more. “Are you alright? Did I do something wrong?”
“Hun,” you leaned up, scooting your hips apart from his and gently cupping his cheek. “You don’t want this. I can see it in your eyes.”
“I do!” Astarion insisted, “Gods, I want this, please, I’m sorry, just let me-“ he hurriedly began grabbing at your hips, trying to pull you closer,
“Darling, stop.” You said, more assertively this time. His shoulders slumped and the look in his eyes broke your heart; he looked desperate, but not for sex. He looked so disappointed in himself.
“Come here,” you whispered, pulling him in for a hug. “Do you remember when I told you you don’t owe me anything?” He didn’t hug you back, but his forehead rested against your shoulder, and he gave a brisk little nod.
“But I do want it,” he said. “I just… I don’t want to have to give back, or be touched, or just… I don’t know, but I want something, and I-“
You hushed him, sensing his growing stress, running your fingers through his hair. You turned to kiss his temple, and he gave a happy little sound.
“I think I get it. You want to keep your control of your body, but don’t want to have to feel like you owe me pleasure either?” You questioned. He gave a brisk little nod.
“That’s alright. Astarion, we don’t have to do anything like this, I never want your to feel pressured, and-“
“But I do want… something like this.” He rebutted. “I just… want a little. I don’t know. I really am pent up. I’ve tried handling it myself, time and time again… I’ll sneak off into the woods and… and try and rid myself of these desires. But it… just… never works. I cant… I just cant. Not alone.”
You furrowed your brow, feeling just how embarrassed he was with the way he shuffled and squirmed against you, clutching at your sides.
“You mean… you can’t touch yourself, or..?”
“I can’t finish,” he corrected, his words rushed and jumbled.
“Oh,” you said. You kept running your fingers through his hair, taking a moment to think. You could tell how much this embarrassed him, just by how he was acting. “That’s alright, Astarion. What do you want me to do to help?”
“I… don’t know,” he breathed. “I just… I’m frustrated, i need something..”
“Would it be too much for me to touch you like that right now?” You asked him.
He nodded his head, and you pulled back, looking at him as you gently cupped his cheek in your hand. “Use your words, baby boy.”
Red eyes looked up to meet your own, and you couldn’t help but smile at him, if only to comfort him. “Yes, i think that would be too much right now. Maybe… maybe I could… i could touch myself and you can just… be here?”
You flushed a little with his words, but you nodded and kissed the tip of his nose, savoring the way he smiled.
“That sounds wonderful,” you said. “Here,” you began shifting him and yourself.
You moved so he was laying on his side, you laying behind him. Your chest was pressed to his, and you felt the full body shudder that went through him. “This okay?” You asked, and he nodded. You cuddled up to his back, and hummed to him, “Then go ahead, my love. Do what you want.”
Astarion shuddered and you could feel him moving to slip a hand under the hem of his pants. You gently rested a hand on his hip, not sensing anything saying he disliked the touch. His breathing slowly started to pick up, and you could feel him palming himself softly before slipping his cock from his trousers. You hummed your approval, whispering to him, “That’s a good boy.” He whined low in his throat, and you felt his arm start to move as he began stroking himself. You couldn’t see at this angle, but you felt the way his body would slowly start tensing, his chest rising, could see the way he tried to bury his face in the pillow, knowing you were right behind him as he touched himself.
You muttered soft coos of approval to him as he chased his pleasure, each of your words making his breath hitch just a little more.
You hummed, “So good for me, my love, making yourself feel good. Love watching you like this.”
You could so easily ignore your own arousal if it meant you got to witness his. He was beautiful.
Astarion gasped, “D-darling, gods… the way you talk to me, hah, makes me… fuck, I need it…” he trembled and began stroking himself faster, throwing his head back against your shoulder. You smiled against his neck and kissed the pale skin softly, feeling the way it made his entire body shudder. His breathing slowly turned in to whines, desperate and strained.
Your hand ran up to his chest, brushing over the soft skin, savoring the little twitch he gave when your hand ran over his nipples, moving to feel over his rib cage as you whispered how beautiful he was, making himself feel good like this.
You kissed his temple, the saltiness of his sweat clinging to your lips. You caught a glimpse of that beautiful face when he tilted it back to arch himself; brow furrowed, eyes closed, lips slightly parted. “Gods,” you breathed, his red eyes fluttering open. You leaned up to kiss him, not even attempting to look down and see him desperately chasing his release, knowing that catching a glimpse may be too much for him.
You buried your face back in his neck, and he gave a high pitched whine, gasping, “C-can’t… fuck, love, ah, please, I can’t do it, please, help me,” the last words came out as a mere whisper, and you could feel how frantically he was moving in attempting to chase his release. Worried he would hurt himself, you whispered to him, your hand slowly trailing down his hips to rest on his upper thigh.
“May I touch you?” You asked.
“Please,” he nearly sobbed, letting himself go and grabbing your wrist to guide you to his cock. You wrapped your hand around him, heavy and hot in your palm. He was so hard, gods it must have hurt.
You stroked him softly, your thumb swiping over his tip and smearing his precum over himself. He whimpered, still holding your wrist, and you could feel the way his entire body trembled. “Please,” he whispered.
You kissed the back of his neck, mouthing at the flesh there softly as you set your pace, stroking him and smearing his pre over the head, making your hand much slicker to give him a feeling that, if his whimpers and trembles said anything, must be quite lovely.
He jolted and whined, his cock twitching in your hand. You could tell he was close, losing himself to the pleasure, one hand having a death grip on your wrist and the other tangled in the furs of the bedroll. You’d never seen him so lost to himself.
He gasped, “I’m gonna-!” Not even able to get out his warning before your felt his release coating your hand. You stroked him through his orgasm, savoring his gasps, catching the slightest glimpse of a furrowed brow and open mouth, eyes squeezed shut, tears threatening to spill from the corners.
“That’s it, hun,” you breathed to him. “That’s a good boy. Let go for me.”
You kept stroking him until he gave a particularly harsh jolt, with which you withdrew your hand and wiped it on some miscellaneous clothing tossed near your bedroll. You kissed the back of his neck, savoring the silence for a moment.
Astarion was the first to speak. “Thank you,” he said.
“I hope it was to your liking. It wasn’t too much?”
“No, it was wonderful. I… needed that. Do… you want me to take care of you?” He rolled over to face you, glancing down to your trousers. You could see the unease stirring in his eyes at the thought alone
You shook your head. “Tonight was about you. I’m just happy I got to see that pretty face when you came,” you teased, fighting a laugh at Astarion’s shocked and embarrassed expression.
“Gods, you’re truly insufferable sometimes.”
“Same to you, my love,” you teased, kissing the tip of his nose and pulling him in close. You pulled a blanket up over his waist to give him some cover, to which he hummed his appreciation and nuzzled in to your chest, sleep catching the both of you and luring you into its embrace.
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Imagine how fucking weird it would be to marry the Stardew Valley Farmer
Like, you've lived a happy life in a small town, with friends and family but then BOOM. A smoking hot new farmer hits the town, flirted with you twice and gave you a shiny rock and a plate of food before smacking you in the face with a bouquet and yeeting a pendant around your neck. Congratulations, you just achieved the family life without ever knowing how the fuck you got there. And the person you married is insane.
You're outside feeding the animals and they materialise into existence right in front of you, a sword in one hand, dripping with blood, and their backpack bulging full. "Oh, hey honey." they say before sprinting off like this is the most regular thing in the world.
Things got weirder once they got an incubator. It was alright at first, Kluck may have a shade darker than pitch black and have eyes that burned bright with fire, but you only caught them casting ritualistic spells once. Then when a FUCKING DINOSAUR HATCHED you realised a conversation would be required with the farmer about the eggs they find and whether it was morally acceptable to see what was inside.
Apparently they have a deed to land on a deserted island??? "Nah, it's not deserted! There's an old lady, a crazy scientist and a tarzan living there!" They reply. Apparently they couldn't understand why you were so nervous when you realised they were farming tracts of land in an ancient rainforest, shadowed by a volcano from which you definitely heard ominous shrieks and wailing. The resort they built was quite nice, but when the flippety fuck did they have time to build it?
Occasionally, a man dressed like the night sky appears, but refuses to speak unless the Farmer is alone with them. You caught a glimpse of his skin once, and it was bright blue. The farmer leaves those conversations dazed and distracted. They never talk about them, but in the days after, you often notice them sit and stare into the distance.
You tell yourself that they do not explore the caves in the desert. You tell yourself that because you're already insanely worried by all the other shit the farmer does.
You notice that they enter the sewer a lot, and one day you follow. It's difficult to come to terms with the fact that your partner is friends with a shadow creature, but it did look rather friendly. It heard your footsteps once and ran away, so you decided not to come back.
Some days, new stuff will just... appear. First it giant pillars, that the Farmer swore were important. And then it was little huts, and while you never saw anyone go in or out, all the crops were harvested and neatly organised in piles on the inside. You decide to leave offerings to appease whatever spirits must the huts belong to. One day you get a letter saying thankyou, with 500g attatched. And then there was that day... why the fuck do you need a giant solid gold clock?
After the day the clock appeared, everything changed. Production stopped, they said we now have enough money to live off of for the rest of your lives. The farm got redecorated. Life is beautiful. Occasionally you have dreams, dreams of crying children turning into doves. They reach out for you, and you reach back, sobbing, trying anything to protect them, to ease their pain. Their small, frail hands scrape over yours, but you can never grab hold. You always wake up screaming and can never remember why.
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halcyone-of-the-sea · 10 months
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Songs That Sound Like Sea-Foam (II)
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AU MASTERLIST || PART III
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PAIRING: Fisherman!John Price x F!Mermaid!Reader
WORDCOUNT: 5.7k
WARNINGS: Blood, abduction, violence, intense gore, death, swords & firearms, angst, hurt/comfort, nakedness, etc.
A/N: Guys, whatever you do, don't imagine Price in a white tunic holding Mermaid you in one arm and weilding a sword in the other. I'm frothing at the mouth.
*I do not give others permission to translate and/or re-publish my works on this or any other platform*
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You sit on your black rocks once more, the darkening sky warning of an oncoming storm that you can feel seeping into your bones. In your loose grip, you fiddle with John’s necklace. 
He’d given it to you only recently as a gift, seeing as you enjoyed the shininess of it so much, and you’d taken great pleasure in keeping it around your neck. Out of all of your treasures and trinkets, somehow these measly metal discs had become your favorite. The necklace is smooth under your caress, and you look down at it adoringly, eyes soft and lips curved with delicate affection. 
The cove, as always, was quiet above the call of seagulls and the lapping of waves; the whispering ripples from your tail as it sways under the water. You had gotten content with this—the silence. Because you knew it would be filled by the low gravel of an accented voice soon enough; would be swept away by the chuckles you could wring from beard-hidden lips. 
John was something to look forward to, and you loved the way he looked at you. 
Water hits the top of your head. 
Blinking out of your honeyed thoughts you look up to the crying sky as small slaps of droplets slide across your cheeks. Lashes flinch at every motion, and you glance back to the empty cove before lowering the necklace to your scaled lap. 
Confusion slithers in like an eel to your heart as your eyes slide over the growing waves. The yawning mouth of the entrance sits abandoned of any small fishing ship. 
For three, beautiful, sand-covered, months, John had never missed a day to come and see you. Rain or Sun.
A prick of a sharp fish's spine enters your brain. The rain comes down now in sheets. Lightning and thunder fight, and if you look close enough, the remnants of ancient lightning birds battle overhead with a flurry of black wings and their insatiable need for blood. Yet, still, your eyes stay frozen on the cove entrance as the water rises and rises. 
With a thinning of your lips and the violent pushing from the torrent as it swallows your rocks, you clench your hands over John’s necklace and push off your perch with a shove of your palms. 
Water encompasses you, scales dull, and fins limp as the general calmness from the encompassing water holds you in a constant sway. Your brows furrow.
Why wasn’t he here? You ask yourself, sinking among the seaweed and the schools of quick fish. Concern mingles with hurt. Do…do you think he’s alright? 
Human ways were still confusing to you, even if John had been helping you understand them and giving little clam-shells of information. But they seemed…like violent folk. Angry and selfish, from what John had said about their wars and squabbles. The thought of your fisherman potentially being in danger on land was terrifying to you. 
There wouldn’t be anything you could do if that happened.
Your fingers tighten around the strap of his necklace as you stare at the surface, back lightly hitting the bottom of the cove with a puff of sand. Crabs scatter as your tail twitches, your lungs sighing in their own special way. 
John can take care of himself, you reason. He’s just a little late is all. 
John’s never late. Your face creases, but you stuff the thought down, twisting on your side and bridging the piece of jewelry to your lip—kissing it once as sand digs into your skin. Holding the fisherman's property to your pounding heart, you close your eyes and wait as any lonely and loyal Merwoman would; tail held in close and the reverberations of a rabid downpour above you.
You wake up to the darkness of night. Blinking, you sigh to yourself and move a slow hand to rub at your eyes. After a moment of fatigued confusion as to why you weren’t in your cave, you realized why you had been out here in the first place.
John. 
Arms pushing you up, your mind fights to wake itself, laced with algae and fatigue. How long have you been asleep? Has the storm stopped? Surely you hadn’t slept the entire day away. You pull the fisherman's necklace over your head as you stare at the sand below you. No fish were slipping past besides one that brushes your tail, which you found odd, but didn’t think much of it. 
Shaking your head, you feel sluggish and put the necklace back on with a huff. You worry what John will think of you perhaps missing his late visit and smile slightly in humor. 
The fish brushes your tail again. 
Scales shimmering, you turn with an annoyed pull to your lips, fins scraping something hard and rough even as it’s saturated by the water of your cove. When you spot it, not only the rope but the shadow of the large hunting ship above you, your body drains of any life that had once lived in your lungs. It wasn’t nighttime. 
Eyes widening at the loop that was parading around your tail, you don’t have time to move before it tightens with a force that leaves your mouth opening in a bubbled scream; ruthlessly jerking your body along the seafloor. 
Desperately, your hands rip along the rocks and weeds of the bottom of the cove, getting torn and shredded in their soft nature as easily as paper. Your body smacks into every little object with a rattling to your bones that makes you sob. Red saturates the water as you’re manhandled in long and steady intervals back and up. 
No amount of rampaging your tail does can break the rope, and with a last-ditch effort as the sandy floor gets farther and farther away, you twist around and tear at the woven cord with sharp nails. Adrenaline pumps, pupils tiny and panicked. 
No! No, not like this! You can imagine the pain of it now—the hooks and the ripping of scales from your supple flesh. Even now the tiny ones under the dig of the vice are peeling away in long strings of red to disappear behind you as you’re thrust upward. They’re delicate, don’t these monsters understand? They’re beautiful and treasured and they’re destroying them!
You scream in pain at the pulling of your spine; a large creaking in your muscles. 
But as you gain a small sense of feral hope when the rope begins to fray from your grip, the iron net squashes any belief of surviving. 
It slams into you as John would cast his own for his prey—but this one is larger and full of cruel, curved, spikes. Is this what your parents endured? What the harpies had meant? The iron sinks far quicker than rope, and it traps you in a dome of hell before you can mutilate yourself out of the maw.
Oh, Gods, it was going to peel your skin away.
True fear pounded in your breast, and with a cry of John’s name from under the water, you watched with horror as the net descended onto you and your bloody wounds.
They drag you above waves and the first thing you do is thrash and wail so loud the seagulls shriek in surprise. There’s crimson staining the waters sloshing at you with combative ease, the violent storm from before now a light slapping at add to your fear. In the wake of open air, the curved spikes dig into your flesh as easily as a unicorn’s horn can penetrate a wyvern’s armor. Skin everywhere is assaulted and peeled to a tautness of bodily torture. 
Oh, and your precious tail. 
It hurt so badly, like nothing you had ever experienced before. 
“John!” You scream as your body strikes the side of the large ship, voice cutting out and leaving a bawling yell behind. Your form was being pulled by steady hoists and barked orders. 
All around you can hear laughing—joking. Loud exclamations of approval. 
You’re sure they’ve dislocated your tail right at the joint, how could they not have? The ream of their strong arms and ruthless greed. Oh, your tail, your precious, beautiful tail.
Long streams of salty tears fly down your dripping face; arms pushing the spikes away from your neck and face with futile action. The net and rope were your earthly graves. 
They slam you to the deck like a fish. 
Jerking and slapping around, your arms hit the wood with a bird-paced heart. The iron rattles and keeps you down like a weight. 
Brokenly gasping through loud cries, the sudden jeering faces from all around leave your fear all-consuming. 
They were ugly—broken teeth and sun-destroyed skin. Eyes that bugged and scars that could be from either a sword or a Strix’s claws. More than likely it was from meager squabbles with crewmates. But you balk back nonetheless, terrified and bleeding profusely. 
They were going to rip you to pieces. 
Inside your chest, your lungs are rising and falling quickly, and the hands that glide along your form make you want to burn your skin off. They grip at you, yanking you around as your hair gets caught in the gaps between the iron. With nail and tooth your bite and claw, but how many were there? Ten? Twenty? 
There’s uproar and more jokes as you fight back; body lifted and spikes torn out of skin as you arch your back and howl in agony. Their hands are not John’s. They don’t caress your smooth skin with reverence or holiness—this is cruelty. This is a sadistic pleasure. 
“Isn’t it our lucky day, Lads?!” A high and grating voice bellows out, and finally free of the net, all you can do is cry and flip your tail uselessly along the polished wood as they throw you down. Your vision blacks and slowly comes back—hair matted and skin slick with more than water.
It hurts to breathe too much. Whimpering, your cheek presses itself into the deck as footsteps take someone closer.
“Holy God, would ya look at that down there, eh? A true maiden of the sea,” A thunderous belt of achievement from everyone leaves you flinching, eyes tight shut to try and focus on anything but the excruciating way your skin throbs and gushes blood. “Though we’d have gotten all of them by now!” 
Haggard laughs and rotted smiles. 
A hand snaps to wrench your face upward, and you yowl and grasp at your head as your delicate strands go tight.
“Now who’s the little beauty we have here?” Whoever this man was, he had no standing on John. On your Fisherman. 
Loose skin and an age-rotted tunic, a belt at his waist holding a scabbard with a gold sword and twin pistols. He had only one eye—brown as a pile of mud—with a black eyepatch over the other. 
Your fluttering lashes took in a cracked-lipped grin of approval; whether at your battered appearance or the nature of your species, you knew not. But you didn’t like the way he was glancing at your tail as if it was made of gold one bit.
“Lords above, did ya have to be so brash, Lads?” Spittle slaps your face and you fight again with the hands in your locks to get away. The man’s hold jerks your face back and forth until you stop with bile building in your throat. “Wrecked her silky skin, you did!”
Being thrown back, your skull slams the deck before you hurl your guts in a sputtering of air and crimson. Many laugh and kick at your already broken scales. You grit your teeth and refuse to cry out.
“Get ‘er tied up and in the Hold for storage. If the scales are good enough, we’ll peel ‘em tomorrow.”
“Peel?!” Your face whips into a twisted glare, and pain leads to fast anger; wrath, even. The men grow gradually silent at your outburst and the leader comes to a slow stop—his back to you. “How dare you?” You gasp out, hands pushing your body slightly backward until the agony makes you stop with a lip-bitten whine. “How dare you do this to me? What have I done to you and your men? You’re nothing but senseless cowards who shy at something that lives its life differently! Am I only a pile of coin for you?!”
Your blood runs over the deck and seeps into the grain. Staining it with your memory and presence like a ghost that’s not yet dead. Loose scales shimmer and drip red. They were damaged and dull—your flesh was mangled. 
The leader turns back and smirks with blackened teeth. “More than a pile, Little Dearie. Far more. And if those hooks had been kinder, the King would have loved a beauty like you in his collection.” A look is slid down your body with a knowing chuckle.
He stalks off and you peel back your lips to say more, but a stained rag is shoved into your mouth instead, shutting up your rageful screeches and any hope of a peep of potent song despite not knowing these devils’ names.
By the time they chuck you in the Hold, body bouncing along the wood, and shut the hatch with a reverberation of wood, you had managed to rip someone’s ear clean off and break another’s arm; but there was only so much you could do. They had bound your hands behind you with a blow to your spine.
Curled up and longing for the sea, for John, you hold the only thing you have left. 
Silver discs on a chain, the metal smooth and the only thing now shining. You feel it hit your breastbone and sob as the headache of blood loss begins to set in. Laughter echoes from above your dark prison.
John saw the blood in the water before he saw the scales being pushed back and forth on the beach. Caught in that gentle push and pull now that the storm had ceased beyond a light drizzle—bright and reflecting the misty sun; far more vibrant than a fish or a sea serpent. But the blood. 
Christ, there was blood in the water. 
Blue eyes stare blankly at the sea-foam at the shoreline, red and bubbling, John’s pupils small and the lashes held back even as a salty breeze hits them with a burn. At his sides, his hands slowly close into fists. 
Jumping off the side of his ship, the man lands in thigh-deep water, gritting his teeth before he shoves his way to the sand and black rocks of land. He doesn’t know what drives his actions, or why he’s doing this, but with quick hands, he snatches up what scales he can find and keeps them in his palm; mind on fire. 
Anyone could see the fury in John’s gaze—a growing hatred for what was just beyond sight. When he has all he’s able to carry, he wades back through the water and gets himself back atop his boat easily with one hand. 
Walking quickly and soaked, he pushes aside a small cloth atop a barrel; seeing a gold box hidden under it. He opens it deftly, and while he puts the damaged and torn scales inside, John glances at the expensive and elegant twin cuff bracelets that sit in blue velvet. 
When he had been away buying them for you, he should have already been here. Wasted time.
I left her here alone. Knowing what could happen if I did. A growl bounces under his beard, face going red with anger. The two of you had quickly become enraptured with each other—drunk off flesh and touch like non-sentient animals. 
And something had taken place while he was away. You were gone, the fisherman knew. The water wasn’t as clear, the fish were terrified, and the blood alone proved this—the scales. This wasn’t an accident.
And it had something to do with that ship he’d seen on the horizon with his narrowed eyes not minutes prior. The Captain was slowly re-taking over the man.
“Fuck!” John curses, teeth bared as he spins and readies his sails. With violent pulls at the ropes, letting the mainsail shift down in a flurry of white sheets, he turns the vessel around in no time at all. It was as if Poseidon himself was pushing the ship forward to that small dot on the ocean line, far, far away. 
Deadly purpose bled into his heart, and the early afternoon sun forced him onward with hellfire following at his heels. He re-wraps his gift in the meantime, only taking a single scale from inside and putting it in a small pouch on his belt before walking to another barrel and pausing. This one was older, more sun-bleached. 
John deserted the service years ago, but not long enough to forget how the world of men can be. With a grunt on his thinned lips, the brunette rips the top off and grasps inside. 
With an experienced hand out came a sheathed Cutlass, the leather of the handle worn and indented to his very grip. It found a place on his belt, and John wasted no time in making the Flintlock pistol follow. 
A fisherman he may be, but in his blood John would always be a killer. He knew how to fight dirty and fight well—carve skin and not flinch at the sparks of gunpowder. There was no hesitation as to what he would do to get you back. 
In his chest, there was a weight of rage and concern as he glared at the far-off Hunter’s ship.
“What the hell have you done to her?” He growls, beard back and eyes narrowed. His hands clenched and unclenched with loathing. 
John’s thoughts go to the horror stories he’d heard about Merfolk and them getting caught in the open ocean, when he’d found you he had been surprised. He felt his heart beat faster when you were around, his blood would spike with love and affection. 
It was strange, unheard of, but he can’t stop it now that it’s happened. 
No one touched you with their cruel hands and lived. 
John didn’t like it, but he hung far enough away from the Hunter’s ship so that the cover of night hid him. Dark stars hung at his head, tunic blowing in the chilled breeze when the waves took him close enough—all was silent. Asleep. 
Lantern light slid along the waves, and with deft fingers, John anchored his ship with measured efficiency a small distance away. Looking over the side, the fisherman grunts under his breath and sets his shoulders. Without a single glance in hesitation, he slips silently off the deck into the water. 
Immediately, John kicks his legs and resurfaces with a puff from his nostrils, whipping his head to the side to dispel water. Making no sound, the man swims the distance between vessels, hearing the creak of the still and bulky form of the Hunter’s ship ten times his own sitting above him. 
“Fuckin’ bastards,” he grumbles to himself and thinks of your condition intensely. His heart hammers even in the clutches of the frigid waters. But beyond the insult, no other words needed to be spoken—the prior Captain was a man of action.
Violent Action.
John wades to the side of the wooden structure, the waves threatening to smash him tight into the hull and skin him against the barnacles, but he braces himself and grabs ahold of the knife at his belt, next to his cutlass. In his stupor to get to you quickly, he’d forgotten that his Flintlock would be completely useless now that it had been submerged in water. 
Grunting and trying to remain as quiet as possible, the man sets his blade into the side of the ship into the thin slits available. In his free hand, he takes up his cutlass and does the same. In a feat of impressive upper-body strength that leaves his muscles bunching and tensing—veins visible from the side of his neck—John huffs breaths as he climbs the ship one panel at a time. 
He groans and sends the blades back in at opposite intervals, the firm thunk-plunk, thunk-plunk, bouncing off the dark air as the moon shines bright. But no one awakens.
The Fisherman pulls himself up the side of the ship and swiftly ducts behind a pile of large crates on deck to gather himself, wiping his forehead with his arm.
“C’mon Sweetheart,” he mutters, “hold on just a little longer.” Duel wielding both weapons, narrowed eyes look across the open area—the stain of blood all along the wood. Glimmering in the low light catches John’s fiery gaze. 
Scales. Your scales. Littering the deck and scattered all over. 
If possible, the man becomes even more enraged, knuckles going white over his blades. The man stationed on deck was asleep across the way; leaning back and snoring. John locks eyes on him and hides back a vicious smirk. Quickly sneaking over and staying near the edge of the lantern’s lights, the ragged-looking man awakens to a blade at the base of his throat and a voice in his ear.
“The woman,” John speaks slowly and deeply, accent rolling out. The watchman tenses in his grip, but John grits his teeth and grits out, “Where the fuck is she?” 
“W-woman?” Usually, the brunette could paint himself a patient man, like a flag fluttering in a breeze waiting for the next bout of heavy winds without care or concern. But this was different. 
By God, if these pathetic fortune-seekers had hurt you even in the slightest bit…
John presses the blade harder to the man’s throat, thighs shifting in agitation, glaring at the far-off water beyond this stranger’s shoulder.
“The woman.” Blood falls down the blade edge, crimson. A tiny whimper. “The one that you stole away like an fucking animal.” 
“The fish?” The tone was incredulous but with a snarl the voice continues, whispering pitifully out in fear over the night’s silence. “She’s in the Hold! I swear it, Sir, on God’s green earth I do—”
John slits the man’s throat and takes his leave before the body drops, blood spraying into the air with a garbled cry.
You don’t sleep so much as you fall unconscious from the lack of blood. Inside your head, your brain is fuzzy and light—everything swirling like a jewel’s many faces reflected onto a wall. The rocking of the Hunter’s ship, while something you should be used and accustomed to, made you sick at times until only the watery bile that fell from your lips hit the wood. 
At some point, you’d given into the call of nothingness at the lack of seawater and the violent shivering of your shoulders. Your tail had gone completely numb. 
Everyone knew that Merfolk needed the sea to survive—you couldn’t live without feeling its loose arms around you for long periods, pulling you in and filling your airways. 
This was torture. 
But whoever was ripping up cloth at your limp side was muttering you back into the darkness of the Hold. 
“I’m right ‘ere, c’mon, Love. Open your bloody eyes.” Hands pressed to your face, tilting it and hissing before a thumb slid along the swollen skin of a cut. “I’ll rip them to pieces…mark my word. They’ll not live through this.” 
It sounded like…
Gripping at your binds and gag, both items slipped away right before the larger cuts on your body were suddenly packed with strips of rough material. Occasional whispers of words and curses wafted out. 
“...J-John?” Your voice is rough, shattered, but at the same time you manage to force open an eye. 
Tight blue eyes meet yours immediately, and his voice softens to a painful degree as he addresses you. “That’s it, atta girl. Just keep focusing on my voice, then, yeah? Come back to me, Sweetheart.” 
Tears well your ducts, lips quivering. 
John was curled over you and had ripped up the bottom of his tunic to make strips of bandages to try and stop the bleeding. He came for you, gruff voice and large frame, all.
“How are you—” Your voice breaks into body-shaking coughs, but that doesn't deter the man. He carefully puts a hand forward and tilts you into his arms; head resting on his chest. Your ears twitch to the sound of his heartbeat, loud and fast. You cling to it like a lifeline as those calluses graze your skin once more.
How was he here? 
“What have they fucking done?” John’s voice is dark and volatile, his hand stroking your matted hair. “What did they do?” 
He’s not so much asking you as he’s asking himself. You breathe in a wheeze, not noticing the crimson staining John’s clothes—none of it his or yours in the slightest. The other men on the ship weren’t the Fisherman’s priority, only you; always you. But whoever had been in his path had met the unfortunate end of being on the opposite side of his blade. 
When he’d found you like this….it was like his entire chest had fallen still. His eyes wide with horror and fear. 
John had never felt something that visceral before, except when you hadn’t been in your cove. 
“Oh, my Beauty.” Chapped lips press to your forehead, breathing you in as arms curl around you. “Let me bring you home.” 
You shake and cry silently into his neck, weak hands coming to grasp at his neck. 
“They’re going to take my tail.” 
“No,” John’s answer is immediate and firm, pulling you closer until you might slip into his skin. “No, they’re not doing a damn thing to you. I promise, Love, not a single person will ever touch you again, you hear?” 
You burrow into his neck, this fisherman’s flesh soft under your force. Hands keep you to him, and with another kiss on your cheek, they tighten and gently move you into the clutch of his arm. 
John looks down at you with great distress, eyes flickering over every sign of abuse and hurt. The men whose throats he’d slit in their sleep deserved to be awake and see the blade descending for their neck, he thought. 
“I’m going to lift you, Sweetheart, eh?” He grunts to push aside the hatred in his tone, not wanting to scare you. He gazes around the Hold and at the low ceiling—the insistent rocking from the waves just outside. 
You suck down greedy breaths and nod slightly, shaking in his arms. John’s eyes crease in sorrow but has no option but to continue; the both of you can’t be here when the remaining men wake or discover the bodies. 
Your Fisherman frowns but does what he’s able to both quickly and effectively lift you, your tail hanging limp and dripping blood from the fins. When you tense and whine, John shushes you quietly.
“Hush, now, it’s alright. It’ll all be over soon, I’ve got you. I’m taking you back home if it’s the last thing I damn-well do.” Your teeth grit with held-back pain, every movement was agony and to think made it worse. 
Home? Home wasn’t safe anymore. Like taking a knife to the heart, the thought makes the torment all the worse. 
John holds you in one arm, head under his ear and rubbing against his beard as his muscles strain to keep you right to him with his torn tunic and blood-freckled skin. In his free hand, he wields his Cutlass and exits the Hold slowly, eyes surveying the scene. 
The scores of bodies were only a fraction of the men of this ship—only one side of the crew’s quarters that ascended up to the deck. John knew the anatomy of a ship well, certainly one like this. 
His only question was why such an unsavory bunch was living on a King issued hunting vessel in perfect condition. Was the bastard hiring pirates for his extermination game?
“If I ever get my hands on him…” John shuts himself up as someone groans in their sleep from the far wall. 
He glares in the general direction and puts his body between yours and the straight direction that he walks—sword parallel to the ground and knife at his belt as a backup. Ready and wound for a fight. 
“You..you came for me?” You ask softly as John carries on, your blood leaving a crimson trail behind the two of you; your mind is loose to all except the way your Fisherman’s thumbs run circles in your rent scales, fingers gripping under your tail joint which aches and hurts. His bicep is curled at the small of your back. 
John carries you like you weigh nothing.
“‘Course,” the brunette's eyes slide to yours, true honesty and firmness behind his words. You flutter your lashes at the fatigue in your body and his feet speed up, speaking into your scalp and nuzzling his beard into you. “No one messes with my girl.” 
“I’m not a…girl, John,” you remind, softly.
The smirk on your head gives you strength, fear steadily draining like contaminated liquid.
“No,” he whispers, “no, not quite. You’re something far more lovely, aren’t you?”
Your heart swells, tears dripping down your cheeks once more before lips slide them away with brushes of a kiss. He carries you up the stairs quickly, sword at the ready. 
Lantern light makes you squint, hands tightening around John’s neck. 
He hums to you, a small melody that you can latch onto to help focus—it keeps your mind working as everything else falls away. John’s warm flesh and his lungs, the sound of his pulse. 
He came for you. No man would do that besides him—no specimen of any species. No one except John. 
Your Fisherman. 
You’re halfway to freedom, feeling the sea air on your flesh and longing for the depths of untouchable waves. You peek from John’s neck and blink delicately, what little scales still intact shimmering, and fins aching for water. 
“John,” he begins to pick up his pace, but still glances in attentive question. “I need to be in the water. I can’t go long without it.” You already felt a bit stronger by just being by the open sea. The man nods and you smile deeply, face twisted. You kiss his cheek deeply. “You have my thanks, Fisherman.” 
His tight expression gradually loosens with care and love. “Doubted me, then?”
“Perhaps only a little,” he kisses your lips, cheeky smiles peeling his beard. 
“Well, we’ll have to fix that, eh?” The man’s face is lit by lanterns, stars like a crown above his head that illuminate the small scars and the sheen of sweat like a portrait of a good man. 
Perhaps humans were truly more magical than you had been taught to believe, for no mortal man would do this for anybody. 
In the midst of him carrying you over to the edge of the ship, he’s only three feet from the drop when the familiar sound of a Flintlock hammer being clicked back hits his ears. You feel John lock up, and your eyebrows crease in confusion; not common to the model of metal and wood. 
Looking over his shoulder, you strangle down a raspy gasp.
“John—”
“I know, Love.” He whispers, turning slowly with his sword at his hip. The stranger with the eyepatch has his weapon leveled with the brunette’s chest. “Easy, let me handle it. Keep focusing on me.”
“A thief in the night!” The leader calls, and alarm from below deck start to rise in question at the noise. John grits his teeth and his stance widens. “Thought to make off with my prize, did ya? I’ve not seen you before on this ship.”
“Hell,” John grits out, loudly now that he’s caught. You burrow deeper into him and he shields you, voice hot with rage. “Save me the fuckin’ monologue. She isn’t yours—to own or bloody take.” 
As he speaks he points his cutlass in the leader’s general direction, holding it aloft with a strong and pale arm. The leader smirks, and soon the pound of rushing feet enter the deck—men holding weapons and clubs. You make a noise of tension and John tries to shift you farther into his grip even more. 
Your tail hangs and brushes the deck, gaining some feeling back to it gradually. 
The leader laughs. “What that creature is, Mate, is enough gold for a whole moon’s time in rum and pleasure.” His single eye falls on you as the crew gets closer, crowding in and yelling. 
John shuffles back and snarls like a boar, pointing his sword’s tip from one chest to another. 
“Keep your bastard eye off of ‘er, you prick. Find your score elsewhere. She’s coming with me.” So sure he sounds that you yourself believe it. Your chest swims with pride.  
The crew closes in, but jumping at this stage was dangerous. The ones with firearms could aim in the water before you both could get away and John didn’t know if you could swim still. Your fins were torn and tail flinching with damaged nerves.
Eyepatch barks a vile laugh, “...I think he loves the beast!” John’s body winds even farther and your eyes slip to the side of his red face. He grunts stiffly, hair damp. Everyone follows in their amusement, mocking the two of you. “I knew that necklace around her neck meant something.” Your body stills and you glance down at John’s gifted silver. Blue eyes flash to the same, but as if suddenly realizing the nakedness of your top surrounded by such brutes, your Fisherman pushes on the back of your spine to shove your chest into his own with a panicked look. You grunt in surprise, but let him. “No greedy Mermaid would bother with a trinket like that! A piece of rubbish metal. It means something to her—and I’ll bet that something is you, Thief.” 
Me, greedy? Your eyes narrowed into slits. If you knew his name, you’d sing his death song in an instant. Your Fisherman’s face goes stiff, knowing the predicament the two of you were in. There was no way he was giving you up. 
But himself…
Tiny lids narrow on the arrogant leader.
“Do you trust me?” John whispers to you, suddenly, as all sides were surrounded and the water just as dangerous as the deck. 
Face creasing, you say, confused and worried, “Of course.” 
“...Then forgive me.” 
He throws you from the side of the deck, and whirs to run his blade through the nearest man. 
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minced-mangoes · 5 months
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I am in love with the concept of the demons in the devildom having to shed their horns, as well as possible shedding of fur, feathers, scales, or skin. With this we have to assume the demon's horns align closer to antlers than actual horns, since horns don't shed, but antlers do. Either way these are magical creatures so fuck logic. I can do what I want. Maybe they don't actually fall off, but instead shed a layer of keratin, keeping the horns shiny, strong, and unmarred. For some demons this shedding is easier, like for Lucifer and Diavolo's horns. However, with demons like Mammon and Barbatos, the details on the horn make it much harder to come off, often needing assistance.
The shed keratin from demon's horns can be used for other things, typically the creation of beauty products, and demons can get good grimm for handing in shed horn layers. I also think Satan will have to do this with his tail.
Now, the feathered demons tend to have the problem of occasional molting, and losing feathers. I'd also imagine they'd have to spend a lot of time preening and plucking their wings. Lucifer might need your help pulling a blood feather or two. Help him, please. Fur. I'm mostly thinking Belphie here. He sheds. Everywhere. Usually Beel helps by brushing out his fur, but you can definitely assist as well, it's lot of fur and four hands are better than two. Scales, this is for Levi. Please help him shed. It's not comfortable and he can't pay attention to his games if his scales have a layer peeling off. Dunk him in water, get him some nice rocks to rub up against, and peel off anything that gets really stuck. He'll be smooth, shiny, and happy afterwards.
And for the demons with wings that aren't feathered? I assume they'd need to be cared for as well. The thin wing membrane will need moisturizing. For the bug demons? help them shed their exoskeletons. I'm thinking specifically Beel and Asmo here. Yes, I headcanon they have to shed like bugs. Beel not as much, since he's a fly, but Asmo's sin animal is a scorpion, he's gonna need to get rid of that old exoskeleton as he grows. Also he comes out so much shinier and more beautiful! You gotta help him be as gorgeous as he can be!
All and all demon forms need a lot of maintenance. But that's okay, you're there to assist. Hey, maybe this will help you bond. And when you need a little help with caring for yourself, your demons will repay your kindness. ~~~ Tomi here! I take requests via my ask box! Please PLEASE PLEASE drop ideas or just things you want me to talk about there or in my comments,,, I eat stuff like that for lunch,,,
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buzzkillchainsaw · 3 months
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When No-one hatched, he of course wasn't given the name "No-one". No rational Skywing adult would subject a dragonet to such idiocy. No, they probably named him something nice and appropriate like Ridge, Moraine or maybe Granite. It didn't really matter through, because he didn't keep that name for very long.
He quickly learned that there was something he could do that all the other hatchlings couldn't: Whenever he really, really wanted something, it happened. When he once dropped his favourite shiny rock into a mountain crevice and wished for it to come back, it flew into his claws as if someone down there had thrown it to him. When he wanted to win a race against a fellow dragonet, a bug flew into his opponent's eye and distracted her, making her lose. When he wished he could taste a cut of meat one of the stronger hatchlings had taken for himself, a piece of it slid off as if cut by an invisible knife and slithered towards No-one. Of course, No-one was smart enough to keep this power a secret and to not tell anyone, not even to brag. He was convinced that everyone would want him to share it and do a bunch of stuff for them all the time if they knew about the power. But he couldn't keep it hidden forever.
Once Skywing hatchlings reached a certain age, they were rounded up and brought into a room. That room contained nothing but a candle and some disgruntled soldiers blocking the only exit. One by one, the hatchlings were tasked to sit in front of the candle and "wish for it to be snuffed out". No-one immediately realised that this was a test to find out who had secret powers like him, so he decided to cheat. When it was his turn, he concentrated on the opposite of "snuffing out the candle". Instead of continuing to burn as normal though, the flame shot up towards the ceiling, scaring all hatchlings and making them huddle together in a pile. The adult Skywings fixated No-one with their eyes. He realised that he had screwed up and that the adults would now force him to share his powers with everyone, so he ducked under the soldiers' grasping claws, dashed towards the scared group of hatchlings and wished he could trade places with one of them. After all, once the adults discovered that the other hatchling couldn't do magic at all, they'd probably just let him go. In the ensuing chaos, nobody in the room noticed how one dragonet's deep red scale color instantly faded into orange with yellow speckles, while No-one turned red. The now-orange hatchling was dragged out of the group, screaming, crying, protesting, while No-one and the others were ushered out of the room.
The next years of No-one's life passed by rather uneventfully. He had assumed the other hatchling's identity (whom he didn't see around anymore, for some reason – which made it even easier) and lived an ordinary dragonet life full of training, chores and school lessons. During one lesson, he was taught about animus magic and that it made the user "evil" and "destroyed his soul". This obviously couldn't be true, because No-one was using his magic daily and he wasn't evil. He convinced himself that it was just exaggerated fear-mongering. Still, there was a slight fear starting to settle into the back of his mind. He tried to be more careful with his power, but just couldn't resist using it to get small advantages here and there. No-one was smart about it, but not smart enough: the adult Skywings around him started catching on, noticing the unusual luck that seemed to follow this particular dragonet. Alas, they had no proof that they had an actual animus in their midst – thanks to no small part to their lackluster experience with magic due to their, uh, animus-related zero tolerance policy.
No-one began feeling the pressure. He was plagued by nightmares, first about the adult Skywings discovering him, then they gradually turned more scary, outlandish and violent. In one, he entered the hatchery and commanded rocks to fall from the ceiling and smash the sleeping dragonets' bones. In another, he made a wooden splinter bury itself into the soft flesh of another hatchling's belly to kill it. When he woke up, exactly this had happened to a dragonet sleeping next to him – although the splinter had stopped before causing any major damage –, but luckily everyone just assumed she had just accidentally slept on it. Still, the situation was escalating and No-one had to make a difficult decision.
His plan was simple: 1. Leave the Skywing kingdom undetected. 2. Master animus magic. 3. Find a way to offset this mysterious "damage" to his soul that the magic supposedly caused. The first step was rather easy: He picked out a young, freshly initiated soldier who would definitely be allowed to leave the Skywing territory unsupervised. No-one then took an earring and enchanted it to make the wearer appear as an exact copy of the dragon who was previously touched with it. He then sneakily rubbed the earring on the soldier's tailtip and sprinted away, eager to try out his new spell. After putting it on and looking at his reflection in a puddle, he rejoiced: The soldier, big and strong, stared back up at him. No-one promptly left towards the outskirts, tricking some guards at the border in the process (My weird childish voice? Yeah, I have a sore throat actually).
His new life had begun. It was rather lonely, though. He flew south until he reached the Mudwing kingdom and threw his earring at the first brown dragon he saw sleeping in the mud. Having copied the Mudwing's appearance, No-one felt comfortable enough to explore the territory. The other Mudwings largely paid him no mind, but he did get a few weird questions here and there about where his "sibling group" was, whatever that meant. Away from the prying eyes of other dragons, No-one continued practicing his magic. He made fish jump into his mouth and grass coil around the legs of swamp animals, holding them in place for No-one to catch. But each enchantment he did made the fear and doubt in his mind about his damaged soul worse and worse. He needed to implement step 3 of his plan, quickly. And as luck would have it, an opportunity was about to run into him.
A Mudwing dragonet, barely older than No-one, bumped into him while he was stalking some prey, frazzled and distraught. No-one immediately took notice of that and asked her what was wrong. The Mudwing, a "bigwings" named Tawny, was looking for her younger siblings who loved to run off on their own. She sighed and said that she wished to always know where those naughty dragonets were, so she wouldn't have to worry about looking for them. No-one's ears perked up, as he sensed the opportunity. After making sure no one else was around, he took off his earring to reveal that he wasn't an adult Mudwing at all, but a Skywing dragonet. Tawny was shocked, but he quickly calmed her down and revealed that he was an animus and that he wanted to grant her wish. But seeing as animus magic damaged the user's soul, he wanted to copy her appearance in return and cast the spell in this form to offset the damage to her. Since it was only one spell, she had nothing to worry about. Tawny was unsure – a wish in exchange for just a teeny tiny bit of soul damage? But it was getting dark and her siblings already had a huge head start, so she ignored her worries and accepted. No-one touched her with the earring, put it on and turned into a mirror image of her. He then picked up a rock and enchanted it to become hot when one of her siblings was nearby and then become cold when they moved further away. Tawny rejoiced and put the rock into a pouch tied around her neck. Once she was gone, No-one, still appearing as Tawny, cast a few more spells, and he really did feel different. Lighter. Better. That night, he slept without a single nightmare.
And so, the world opened itself up to No-one with endless possibilities. He travelled the lands, taking on countless appearances and granting wishes in return. Since the spell was very complex, he eventually started writing it down and presenting it to the other party as a contract they had to sign for it to work. Everything went smoothly. However, he did notice one thing: sometimes, one of the appearances in his "collection" would disappear and he was unable change his own appearance into it anymore. He had no idea what caused this, but he wasn't really eager to travel back and find out.
He kept granting wishes to keep a steady supply of appearances. His favourite place to stay was the Rainwing territory, as the weather was pleasant, the food was good and the dragons there were easily convinced to make stupid wishes.
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luveline · 1 year
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eddie idea for shy friday! reader who is into the same music as eddie & has a similar aesthetic but not the confidence that is associated with it, and maybe eddie takes the initiative to interact with her because she’s nervous to do so? :)
thank you for your request! eddie x shy!fem!reader ♡
Some metalheads are super loud and some aren't. Eddie knows guys who've been in the scene longer than he's been alive who barely talk about it. He doesn't really need you to be loud about what you love to get the message. 
For starters, you look fucking sick. Your hair, the makeup, toned down but undeniably influenced by all the greats, Joan and Chrissie and Kim Gordon. You dress in simple stuff like he does, though you usually swap dark jeans for skirts with pretty, shiny studs and tights with ladders climbing your thighs. He's been meaning to try his luck with you for ages, but he hadn't wanted to do it while you were working —he has a funny feeling that behind the bar is the last place you want to be asked out. 
It's his good fortune that he finds you in a record store in Indianapolis. He does a double take, thinking he's seeing some other pretty girl in black. It wouldn't be uncommon here. 
But there you are, sorting through classic rock records with a darling mildness about you. Unhurried, always so quiet. He kind of really loves that about you, the delicate way you move and the unassuming curve of your lips. 
He decides to just go for it. In and out. 
"Hey," he says, trying to be a normal guy. It comes out a teeny tiny bit too loud. "Fancy seeing you here. Are you looking for something?" 
Eddie's no master in girls but he understands body language pretty well, and feels guilty at the shift of your legs, one thigh pressed to another as you lean back. 
"Hey," you say, "um, no, I'm just looking around." 
"That's a good one," he says, nodding at the vinyl between your fingers, Sad Wings of Destiny. "I love Judas Priest." 
You put the record down, and he worries for a split second that you're gonna bolt out the door, and he's acting like a creep, but you grab the zip on your jacket and pull it down to your navel. 
You're wearing a Judas Priest t-shirt with a rip just under the soft valley of your chest. "Me too… You're Eddie." 
"I am," he says, a little surprised that you know him, but trying to be suave. "I guess I'm at The Hideout too much if you know me before I've introduced myself." 
"I–" You clasp your hands together against your stomach. "I've wanted to talk to you, tell you that I like the band… you remind me of Judas Priest, actually. You know, 'cause you and your second guitarist, you're a twin assault." 
His jaw drops dramatically. "Are you flirting with me?" 
It's the worst thing he could've said. You swallow, and he's about to take it back, make a joke about his huge mouth, but you smile gently. 
"Maybe," you say. "Is that… okay?" 
"Girl like you?" Eddie gives you his smoothest smile, his eyes half-lidded as he looks down at you. "Beautiful, it's more than okay."
You bite your lip, turning your smile back to the bin of vinyls.
"Are you busy? Maybe you could help me find something specific?" he furthers. 
You don't look at him, but you nod. It's a great start. 
Eddie doesn't have a record in mind, so he names the most obscure one he can think of and feels it like a punch when your eyes light up in recognition. You find it quicker than he thinks you will, you know exactly where it'll be, and he scrambles to drag it out. He hasn't even started on what he wants to ask you, what you like doing outside of work, if you did your hair yourself, if you're free Friday night. 
"Uh," he says eloquently, "are you busy? You're a mastermind, and there's a couple of other LPs I wanna check out that I'm too dumb to find myself." 
And that's how Eddie spends 137 dollars in forty-five minutes. He learns your details through stacks and shelves, revelling in your shy answers, and how hard you laugh at his cheesy jokes. 
You wince as they ring him up in sympathy. He starts to regret his decisions, but you slow in front of the door and look at him through your lashes. 
"Did you wanna get coffee?" you ask. 
"Yes," he says immediately, his jaw aching in the effort it takes not to grin like a fool, until he remembers himself. "Or, I would. I don't think I can afford it." 
You smile gently. "My treat." 
He's so entranced, he forgets he's broke. 
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Three. Four. Five. || Toxic!Husband!Price
For @glitterypirateduck's “O, Captain!” writing challenge! I used prompts:
30. "I hate you but if anything happened to you I'd burn the world" vibe.;
42. The story spans over a period of 10 or more years;
78. Give us a "That's my Wife!" moment.
Rating: E Words: 3.3K cw: toxic couple, VERY toxic, insults, death wishes, smut fade to black, pregnancy. Tags: f!reader, you/your pronouns but no Y/N, miilitary/court martial inaccuracies, very bad family dynamics?, dark humour??. Summary: John and Reader are in the worst fucking marriage ever. A collection of moments, dialogues and scenes from their terrible relationship. a/n: They are SO fucking toxic and dumb, I cannot- This is also very different from the stuff I usually write. This is ALSO not particularly angsty, more so dark humour.
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There was a time when you loved John Price.
With all your heart, all your soul (and all your pussy).
That time was when you were young.
Ages 14 to 21, you loved him. He was your first kiss, your first time. High school sweethearts, you supported him through the academy, he supported you when you went to university. 
You stayed together through his first and second deployments. It was like an old-timey WW2 romance. 
So many letters exchanged back and forth. All lovey-dovey, with faint pen ink and smudged blotches on the pages as you made plans for the future.
Phone calls with spotty service and loads of static, only five minutes per soldier, 5 minutes which he’d spend only ever spend talking to you, asking you to relay any other messages to his mum, dad, siblings so he wouldn’t have to hang up with you. 
Polaroids clipped on the inside of envelopes which he would then slip into the breast pocket of his shirt, keeping you over his heart… one he’d often pull out and look at during transpo, thumbs tracing your eternal smile.
Polaroids of yours, a bit more risqué, which he would keep tucked into a journal under his pillow, for his eyes only.
John would walk around overseas with a smile on his lips after getting a letter or a call from you, brag to his teammates about his “bird back home”, never going out to bars to find one night stands like they did…
But sometime after his second deployment and joining the SAS, the puppy love that had lasted for years started to dwindle. 
Slowly but surely, you found that you were both growing distant.
You assumed you were both growing a bit ‘comfortable’, perhaps complacent… like all relationships tend to get after a while. 
By that time, John and you had already moved in together and you were no longer consistently alone for months at a time waiting for him to return from deployment. You blamed it on that. Plus, you’d been together for years by then!
But it felt different. There was distance, emotional and physical. Whenever he cuddled up to you, you felt cold and so did he. The kisses to your forehead were meaningless, the dinners at home eerily silent.
And between the distance and the inability to make proper plans, proper dates, celebrate milestones together, forgotten anniversaries, overlooked birthdays… It turned into arguments. 
And one argument turned to three, to five, to seven… hundred.
You found yourself growing bitter, angry, hateful.
It wasn’t a sudden shift or anything.
Not like you woke up one day and the one thought in your head was “I hate him”...
But you remember hating him longer than you ever loved him.
You tried breaking up. And failed. 
Some… bastardised feeling of guilt came to the forefront of both your minds at the idea of throwing away 5 6 7 8 9 10 years together, and giving up on your first love… and maybe even fear of having to start anew with someone else.
So, you simply continued going through the motions. You got engaged, big shiny rock on your finger, all big smile, but no tears came when he proposed. Your families were ecstatic, not quite able to see through the thinly veiled deceit.
For the wedding, you pulled out all the stops, stressed yourself out preparing the ceremony and reception with the women in your family (and his! His mother and sister were so happy that John was getting married!), going wedding dress shopping…
You had a beautiful ceremony, John wearing his full dress suit, army green, with the beige SAS beret. You were both 27, and together for 13 years.
Then, came the honeymoon, which was cut short. Not that it was a true honeymoon. Just three days in a coastal town in Northern France, having to be within a day's drive of Hereford lest he get called out for a sudden mission, which he was.
Not that you expected any different from him. So the distance continued growing, as did the arguments.
You hated him. He hated you.
Then came the predictable “So, when can we expect some grandkids?”. You put it off for a couple more years, blaming it on your high-priority careers, the law and the military, so similar and so different; his lack of time at home and how regrettable it’d be for you to be alone through the pregnancy; the want to be ‘more present’ for the future kids, needing to wait for things to settle down a bit more…
You’d been together for so long at that point, 15 years under your belt, starkly aware that neither of you is going anywhere. The world keeps spinning and your relationship hasn't ended. Fuck it, might as well go for it.
And now here you are.
It’s been eighteen years since you met. Aged 32, you no longer have arguments, you have throwdowns. You pull out every weapon in your arsenal. Neither of you plays nice.
Insults are traded often. Death wishes even more so. And, more often than not, they’re delivered with such a deadpan nonchalance that you’re sure people would think you both psychopaths.
“Going on a mission. ‘ll be back in a few days.”
“‘Kay, hope you die.”
“So do I.”
-
“Just had a fender bender with a stupid bloke. The car’s at the shop. Taking an uber to the base to get your car.”
“Okay. Shame you didn’t die a fiery death.”
“Don’t remind me, already cried about it.”
-
"I'm getting discharged."
"Why?"
"Shot."
"And it couldn't have killed you?"
-
“Can you get out of the damn toilet? I’m bleeding.”
“Period, accident, or just part of your satanic rituals?”
“Period.”
“Tough luck. Hope you bleed out.”
It never gets physical, never violent. John would rather die than lay a hand on you and you’d never DARE lay one on him. It’s just a lot of yelling, a lot of insulting, a lot of throwing things around, and, especially, a lot of revenge plans being executed to drive each other crazy.
Like recently. You found out John had gotten a grey-haired wig about the same length and texture as your hair, and has been snipping off a few hairs at a time, planting them around the house to blame you for leaving your hair everywhere, while simultaneously making you feel like you’re going grey. So, you put grey hair box dye in his shampoo and beard oil, to make him think he’s going grey.
Or three months ago, when you replaced all your lightbulbs with dimmer ones and lowered the brightness on all electronics, to make him think his eyesight was starting to go bad. You drove him so mad that he had voluntarily signed up for sniper assessments because he was worried he’d become a liability for the team.
Or eight months ago, when John had to return home in the middle of the day wearing a ruined uniform and just about ready to blow smoke out of his ears, having ripped holes in the uniform midway through a meeting all because 2 or so weeks prior you had painstakingly undone part of the stitching on it after an argument, and that had resulted in him baring his hairy thighs and armpits to a boardroom full of officers.
It’s bad. Very bad. You’ve had your windows and doors insulated to make sure the neighbors don’t hear your screaming matches and call the cops on the “domestic violence” happening next door. 
You probably shouldn’t have kids with this man. And yet-
He drives you insane.
And you’ve TRIED to fix it! You did. Marriage counseling, rage rooms, axe-throwing, paintball matches, yoga, meditation.… Nothing worked! In fact, it only infuriated you more because:
“You’ve got a tactical advantage, you need to play with a handicap!”
“Tough luck, sweetheart. Get good or get shot!”.
-
“You can throw harder than that.”
“Oh, I’ll show ya throwing hard, you gobshite!”
“Okay, when are you planning to start?”
-
“My back hurts-”
“Because you’re getting old.”
“Fuck you.”
“I’m just telling you the truth. Face it, John, if the downward dog hurts your back, then you’re old.”
-
“Can you breathe any louder?”
“Yes, I can. Wanna see?”
“Just shut up. I can’t hear myself think.”
“Not much to hear either way, pretty hollow in there.”
“I hate you.”
“Feeling’s mutual, sweetness.”
There are only three occasions when you’re not actively at each other’s throats. Other, then, of course, when John’s working, especially when he’s overseas. You can’t fight if he’s both a) not home and b) unreachable via calls or texts or e-mails.
When you need a favor from the other, something you can’t quite do, or that falls in the other’s ‘jurisdiction’ in house chores.
“The washing machine’s leaking.”
“Turn off the water main, I’ll go check in a sec.”
“Mkay.”
-
“Here. Popped a button.”
“I don’t have any more army green thread.”
“Then use brown or black or whatever.”
-
“Where are your car keys?”
“What for?”
“Going to get it washed and detailed.”
“My purse.”
-
“You’re not gonna wear that, are you?”
“Why?”
“Besides the fact that it’s wrinkly? That’s a ‘house’ shirt, not a ‘going out’ shirt. Wear this one instead.”
2. When you’re both complaining or dealing with an outside force, a 3rd party, together.
"Excuse me, hi, I'm sending this back it's not cooked the way I asked."
"Ma'am that's exactly what you-"
"Are you calling my wife a liar?"
-
“Oh, fuck no. Why the fuck is he winning the Great British Bake Off?"
"Hm? Oh- oh! Yeah, why the fuck is he winning?"
“Bloody hell, he rolled his pastry too thin and had watery pie filling-”
“Wankers. This is not fair.”
-
“John. John!”
“What?”
“Look-”
“Blood hell, he’s back early-”
“Yeah and her boytoy’s car still there. They’re definitely still going at it.”
“Oh, this is going to be fun.”
-
“Excuse me! Hey, excuse me! Pick up after your bloody dog! NO, don’t you start with me, you keep leaving your dog’s shite right by our garden, don’t you see the sign my husband’s posted up?! Pick it up or I’ll do it and then drop it in your garden.”
3. During sex.
Marching into the bedroom after breakfast, you find John combing through his hair in the bathroom mirror. The room is steamy from the hot shower he just took. 
“Take your trousers off. I’m ovulating.” You warn him as you wave your phone in the air, showing off the period tracking app.
“I literally just showered.” John replies as you’re already shrugging off your robe and pajamas.
“Well, believe or not, I don’t control my ovaries, John.” You reply. “Now take your trousers off.”
“Already on it.” He replies as he already starts taking off his shirt and sweatpants, leaving them on a pile on the floor, before his boxer briefs follow suit.
His hand palms his cock as you’re getting comfortable on the bed, tugging on it lightly as he watches your fingers do the same between your legs. 
“Can we try to enjoy it this time?” He asks you in earnest.
“Sure.” You reply simply. “Been a while since we’ve had proper sex and not…”
“Not a breeding session?” He quips as he kneels on the bed between your parted thighs. His hand replaces yours and he starts rubbing your clit for you.
“Shut it…” You quip, while your own hand wraps around his cock, stroking it slowly. John lowers himself onto you and his lips slowly brush against yours before he kisses you.
No, as it turns out… There are actually four occasions when you’re not actively at each other’s throats:
4. The Kid
In a day like any other, you’re lying in bed, reading a book. It’s a lazy Sunday morning, your big, round belly feeling particularly heavy. You’ve stolen every other pillow in the house to try and find some comfort, which you fail remarkably at.
“I think I’m going grey.” John states to no one in particular.
He’s in the en-suite bathroom, applying beard oil across his mutton chops like he tends to do, about three times a week.
“You are.” You remark in a bored, dismissive tone as you read a book in bed.
“That’s not funny. I’m not that old.”
“You’re getting up there.”
“Look who’s talking, we’re the same age.”
“What’s that supposed to mean, Jonathan?”
“It means you’re there yourself, darling.”
Raising your eyes from the book in your hands, the bottom of which rests atop your pregnant belly, you cock a brow at your ‘beloved’ husband.
“And this is coming from Santa Claus?” You retort swiftly.
John peeks his head out of the bathroom door to look at you. “You think you’ve got a leg to stand on, you crone?”
Grunting under your breath, you glare at him, and he glares at you, complete silence in the bedroom. 
There’s something in that face of his, the look in his eyes, those STUPID fucking mutton chops that you’ve told him to shave and he refuses…
Grabbing your book and rolling it into a cylinder, you hurl it at him, putting as much force behind your arm as you possibly can. It misses the mark, but only because he had the presence of mind to duck. 
“You’re such a fuckin’ knobhead!” You insult him, tongue dripping with bitterness.
“Wel, not like I can be anything else, really, when I’m married to such a raging cunt.” He retorts.
“OH FUCK YOU!” You retort.
“ALREADY AM MORE THAN FUCKED, SPENDING THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU.”
“OH, PLEASE, YOU’RE MORE MARRIED TO YOUR BLOODY GUN THAN YOU ARE TO ME!”
“YEAH CAUSE AT LEAST MY GUN DOESN’T DRIVE ME FUCKING MENTAL!”
“OH PISS OFF!” You shout, your face twisting with a scowl.
“You know, you really shouldn’t be stressing yourself out like this. It’s not good for your blood pressure. Or for John Junior.”
“First of all, it’s not gonna be a boy. Secondly, even if it is a boy, we’re not naming him after you. And thirdly, how about you die, then I won’t get stressed.”
“And why would I do that, when I can stay right here, perfectly alive and healthy, and watch you give birth to John Junior, and have the pleasure of rubbing a ‘I told you so’ right in your face?”
“Oh fuck you. It’s not going to happen.” You sulk and cross your arms over your chest, leaning back against your mountain of pillows.
“Someone doesn’t like the idea of having a son that takes after me, hm??” John teases as he comes up to the bed, a brow cocked.
You trail him with your eyes as he sits next to you on the bed. “Absolutely not. I wanna have a child I actually am able to love, and not one that I have to lie to.”
“A mother’s love knows no bounds, huh? What a load of crap.” John quips.
“Oh, that’s 100% true. I love this baby to bits already, but if it takes after you… I’ll probably die.”
“Good.” John remarks, causing you to roll your eyss. “Much better than if our child takes after you. Spawn of Satan, he would be.” John’s hand slides up your leg and slowly cups your swollen stomach.
“I should probably address the fact you just called our child ‘Satan’s spawn’, but I’m more concerned over the fact you keep calling the baby a ‘son’.” You murmur as you uncross your arms and watch him caress your skin.
“I feel like it’s a boy, I don’t know what to tell you.” He replies as his calloused fingers drag over the stretch marks and linea nigra on your stomach.
“What if it’s a girl?”
“What about it?”
“I’ve seen enough men online getting pissy over havin’ a daughter.” You quip and cock a brow up, looking him in the eyes.
John’s eyes lock onto yours. “Not me.” Then they return to the belly as he continues rubbing you. “Would love a little girl too.”
“Hm.” You remark and slowly, your hand rubs over the belly on the opposite side, where John’s hand isn’t. “We’ve gotta promise not to yell or argue in front of the baby.”
“Kind of hard to do that when I’m married to the Devil.” John quips, causing you to look up at him, eyes narrowed.
“You’ve gotta promise. We’ve gotta promise.” You murmur as you look at him.
For a moment, his usually grumpy face softens and he nods. “I promise.”
Nodding as well, you echo the sentiment. “I promise.”
No, wait, five:
5. When you have his back.
“General, that is not what I asked you. I would ask that you stop beating around the bush, feeding me, the jury, and the people watching at home, fabricated information and embellished words in a sorry attempt to save your credibility. Stick to the questions being asked and stop wasting our times.” You warned the man as you paced the space in front of the stand.
“Me and everyone else in this room are looking for nothing but the truth, or must I remind you that you are under oath and also live on television?” You ask outloud as you turn to look at him.
“No, counselor.” The General, a heavy-set, older, mustachioed man replies, through gritted teeth, his face showing a polite expression while the man himself was seething on the inside.
“Very well, then, I’ll repeat the question. Were you or were you not aware of the aforementioned, unsactioned operations being conducted in the Al-Mazarah and Urzikstan border, involving CIA and MI6 operatives?” You asked, eyes glaring into the man’s eyes as you leaned into the stand near him.
“Well, as with most operations...”
“A yes or no is enough, General.” You told him sternly.
“Yes.” The man grits out.
“And did you, or did you not, give permission for these CIA and MI6 operatives, working under the guise of NATO, and I quote, from the transcript: “Authority to use any means necessary” on the enemy forces?” You confronted him.
“Well-”
“Yes or no?”
“Yes.”
“And did you do that while being aware that the teams involved would interpret such command as permission to execute an operation in which they’d use ‘extreme physical persuasion’ or, in other words, torture to achieve their goals?”
“I-”
“Did you or did you not, General?”
“Yes, but-”
“And did you, or did you not, not only demand the censoring of the clear and transparent reports received in the aftermath of that operation but also sign off on them yourself, to circumvent the proper channels of evaluation, which would force an internal audit to be conducted?”
“Yes-”
“So, in short, you just confirmed that you authorized your troops to, essentially, wipe their asses with the Geneva convention and comit war crimes on the POWs under their care?”
“Counselor-” One of the judges called out.
“Withdrawn. No further questions, Mr. Chairman.” You told the Chairman and the jury panel that sat above you, as you swiftly turned around and marched up to your table, high heels clacking on the polished floors of the court room.
Your eyes locked onto John’s as he sat in the back of the room, wearing his full regalia, his eyes locked onto yours with a strange shine to them… Almost like he’s proud of you.
As soon as you sit on the chair and the Chairman once again takes over, addressing the room, the General, calling other witnesses, your phone’s screen lights up on the chair next to you.
Picking it up quietly, you spot a message of John’s:
John: that’s my girl. knew you could do it. you: you owe me big time. John: i do. saved my arse there. you: of course. it’s what I’m here for.  John: almost making it sound like you love me. you: no but I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. you: no way in hell you’re leaving me alone with 3 children. John: i see. selfish woman. you: shut up.  you: and try not torturing POWs next time. John: yes, ma’am.
Five occasions seem to be enough to keep a 23-year marriage afloat.
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a/n: Big thanks to my beloved @crashtestbunny for helping draft/plot all these interactiions and just the general toxicity! And also @mothymunson your beloved Toxic!Price is here!
[ O, Captain! Masterlist ] || [ My Masterlist ]
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alottiegoingon · 3 months
Text
hc!lottie spoiling her gf <3
lottie matthews x fem!reader
summary: how i imagine you and lottie in a relationship with her spoiling you all the time
all characters are aged up and in college!!
warnings: pretty much just fluff, daddy issues if you squint, established relationship, characters are aged up, nsfw content (mdni), fingering and oral (lottie receiving)
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at first, the idea of letting lottie buy you stuff was absurd. yes she was your girlfriend but why would you let her spend her money on you?? didn't she have other things to spend with? (no)
it first started when you two had just started dating. on the very first day, she met you outside the uni so you could walk inside together and she had a small bag on her hands
you look up at her feeling embarassed cause you didn't buy her anything and didn't even know that you were supposed to
"dont worry baby, its just a little something that reminded me of you while i was going home yesterday!!" she has the cutest smile ever and kisses you on the cheek before giving you your gift
she didnt buy it while walking home. she has been looking desperately for it ever since you guys started to hang out as friends and paid a ridiculous amount of money for it
you open it up to find the collector's edition of one of your favorite books, little women. you know how expensive it was, you had been wanting that special edition book for ages ever since you first read it when you were thirteen
lottie was nervous while waiting for you to open with her arms practically glued to her body and rocking her body slowly from one side to another. then she sees the surprise and happiness expression on your face and immediately relaxes. shes smiling from ear to ear and looking at you like a puppy with shiny eyes, come on :((
lets be honest, lottie was not a popular girl like jackie!! everyone knew that her parents had money but that girl was just an awkward lesbian girl failure with daddy issues and didnt know any better than showing her love without buying things until you showed up
it was saturday and you two were just hanging out in the mall one day and she noticed how your eyes were sparkling while staring at a cute dress from a very expensive clothing brand. you were scared to even look at the price tag. you didnt say a word cause you knew that lottie would buy it for you in a blink of an eye but she noticed it
lottie would always pay attention to you and read you like a book, she knew you too well
"thats such a pretty dress, look y/n!" she says excitedly while dragging you by the hand into the store "i need to try it on!"
you sighed in relief knowing that it wasn't for you this time
you watch lottie try the dress in fitting room and you can feel yourself drooling at how stunning she looked (so real of you)
"you look so hot, lott..." you say and the next thing you remember is burying lottie's panties onto her mouth and pinning lottie against the mirror
she was very tall so it wasnt very hard for you to get on your knees and shove yourself right between her legs. you held her thighs by placing your arms under them and were eating her out like a starved woman
lottie's head would have gone through the other side of the glass if it was possible due to how hard she was leaning her head backwards. she had her hands tightened to your hair and the dirtiest and whiniest muffled sounds would come out of her mouth, especially when you inserted two fingers at once inside of her very easily
in less than five minutes you were wiping your mouth with your forearm while lottie was still recovering from her orgasm. her chest was rising as fast as it was falling down and her legs were so sensitive that she needed help to stand up for a few minutes
safe to say that shoving her own panties in her mouth wasn't a very safe option. the message was very clear when you left the fitting room and a bunch of mid aged women that looked like had enough money to buy an entire town were looking at you with death stares
surprisingly (or not), lottie ended up not buying the dress. you two would never come back to that store ever again!!!
the next day you wake up to find a package from that same fancy store on your front door with a note saying "sorry for not being there to see your beautiful smile, i had to buy it online :( hope you like the dress, angel."
and then you remembered that you and lottie had the same body type. oh she was smart.
god, you were already scared for her bank account when your birthday month comes up.
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