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#rip friend I remember updating that on the update account

hellonearthtoday · 2 months

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canon is dead I rule the world. dsmp you are MINE

dsmpblrs ocs shared between the 5 (five) singular people that inhabit this fandom

I'm taking the chance to just talk about my personal dsmp au that is basically canon if you don't think about it

I don't think we as a community wrote enough about demon ctommy. he was always my favorite it just gives him this evil vibe that I think is sooo funny and I always see it in ctommy art but never in literally any fic. and that's fine but imp or whatever-he-is-Tommy will always be real in my heart. in my head he used to be a bird hybrid, but when he died for what was supposed to be the final time they took his fucking wings and gave him cunty demon horns and tail. Death made him emo. for the sake of this narrative his wings used to be white too. Pair this with religious ctommy and you get peak

ctubbo. I think about him a lot. I think personally he wears armor under his coat. You'd think it start to get hot under there, and it does. his solution is to just Never leave the Arctic.

At some point he started developing resting bitch face, because it used to just be resting (autistic face of neutrality) but now he kind of just looks tired all the time. Not like Tommy's rbf where he looks like he's kinda pissed and has a headache 24/7. but at least they're semi matching now. bff's!!! (?) I can't write too much about ctubbo because my cutbbo is like 20 billion contradictions stacked on itself. he's not as simple as my ctommy.

He doesn't wear the red bandana anymore but he can't tell you why and he's not insecure about the scar on his face but he's not proud of it either. I FORGOT TO DRAW CRANBOO AND HIS WEDDING RINGS IM AN ANTI WHAT THE HELLL okay ignoring that blunder, their wedding rings are meant to be on their horns 💔 you can't fucking see cranboos singular (1) horn because it's out of frame, they're too tall.

SPEAKONG OF CRANBOO!!!! snakes in his hair because Hahhaa hattte eye contact????? Medusa???? get it guys get it do you guys get jut

The snakes talk to him. Take that as you will. He's a chronic suit wearer and will literally not wear anything else unless it's under or over the suit. he would like to never try anything new ever he needs this constant in his life or everything will fall apart and the world will end. He knows how to kit up and wear armor but just as a joke he wears random bits of armor in places he literally needs it least. as a fashion statement. Tommy doesn't wear any armor usually bcz who gaf he's not doing that shit

in my perfect world the egg plot in dsmp actually got used better and becsme more than a background plot. it could've been everything. anyway my dsmp au is egg war las Nevadas craziness and I'm right goodnight

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trashysimpaa · 6 months

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GUYSGUYSGUYSGUYS

just, remember many years ago when tfp got into Asia and that's how we got a hundred of artist to arrive here-? And that now these days most of them are..offline,rip,nolstalgia hits hard,you can only find their drawings in pinterest or something like that.

So yeah let's talk ab one that I REALLY LIKE,and just for the sake of them needed to be known more today

Tokiwaakebi or zakushin(I couldn't find translations for these names)

Really much an optiratch artist,I found them by wanting to find who did this one certain drawing here with the help of Google

and then I casually found them in a site copying tumblr called tumblex,and for what it looks like,it's a site that contains stuff from the past..maybe? Because I have tried searching on tumblr itself and their user dosen't exist.

Their content is so nice like literally, most of the artist that I found do alot of bl when it comes to manga,l say also nsfw content too but for me luckily they are not accessible!!

Please go check their art here on this site and tell me if you can find anything about them,I just god i really love tf Asian artist they are my inspiration

Just really, IGNORE THE ADS OKAY,IGNORE THE ADS ISTG-

Anyways go see their art,they are a optiratch and mecha liker artist but they also draw non-mecha art too! What saddens me the most ab the past on the internet is that you find amazing people and they just..poof out of existence on the web..you can only find some posts

________________

AN UPDATE!! SOMEONE FOUND THEIR ACCOUNT HERE! SO IT REALLY IS JUST A COPY OF TUMBLR AFTER ALL.

and they just poofed out of existence ON TUMBLR,they are currently online on Twitter so go to the link above to find their Twitter pls!!!

I will be reblogging one of their arts if you wanna follow them because I think..I THINK,you can't here because it's totally customized

Shout out to @darkchestoftales for helping me find them! So it is just a copy of tumblr lol-, they explained that maybe the URL for this user for some reason is HIDDEN,and that they have found tokiwaakebi from a friend's reblog. THANK YOU SO MUCH, this is ridiculous, just why to this happen?this artist needs to be known! I thank you alot for darkchestoftales for messaging me,really,thanks alot,I hope people can reblog to know them

#transformers #transformers: prime #optimus prime #Ratchet #tfp ratchet #tfp optimus #tfp optimus prime #maccadam #optiratch #trash talk #Artist

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thesorryboys-updates · 2 months

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With what he had stated in his 'apology' he doesn't gaf abt his friends or his fans.

We are just fucking numbers to him and I refuse to be one any longer.

I can't even watch a techno vid without hearing his whinny voice.

I hope Tom is doing alright and that Molly is helping him and that Tom separates himself from him.

Tom was used for clickbait and revenue just as much if not more than phil.

Phil better hold him fucking accountable

He better never mention a word about Shubble again unless he wants a very angry fan of hers for over seven years to write a VERY passionate message.

Im ripping up his picture i have in my room and using it for my paper stars

With my figurine of his mc skin I don't know maybe i will paint it to be someone else

I love shubble for showing us all the true horror of that dick

Support the victims. Thank you mods you are all wonderful btw i hope you have a wonderful life bc i assume you wont share your personal acc with us. Thank you for the memories you all may have been a few mods but you guys were genuinely better than just an update account :)

To anyone reading this i hope you have a good day or night and I assure you life will get better and we can all move on. This is just a stepping stone that we can learn from. Remember to rest and drink water.

Nothing was the fans fault.

I loved this community. Hope to see you all in a better one! <3

#ask #asks #wilbur soot

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hanniluvi · 1 year

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LOVE NEWS ! — PROFILE ONE

PROFILE ONE : gossip baes [yn]

YN - you have so many crushes yet you don’t know how you remember each one. probably crushing on everyone in school 🫢 true definition of being bitchless i guess 😓

HANNI - your bae!! witnessed you fall in love with every single crush you have...shes on the verge of ripping her own hair out bc of you..#justice4hanni

YUNJIN - keeps up with the love news gossip account + always tells sunwoo to post wtv gossip she finds out 💪 atm shes the admin, not sunwoo 😓

REI - how did she get into the friend group?simple, you dragged her along against her own will 🤗 souls enabler? maybe.

SOUL - claims on being the best farmer .. hes lying btw hes always doing questionable things such trying to feed his pet rock his burger..? dont mind him tho 🤗 hes chilling

SUNWOO - the oldie 😨 he may not be the best person to ask for relationship advice but hes the only one with the most experience.. one of the admins for the love news gossip account.

previous || next page || masterlist

ENHA PERM TAGLIST OPENED !

@son4taa @luvhooniez @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @luveuly @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck

PERM TAGLIST . .

@ahnneyong @hanienie

WAITING FOR MORE UPDATES? JOIN NOW!

TAGLIST . . 💗 OPENED 💗

- ask / dm to be tagged in love news !

bolded = can’t tag </3

@invusblog @wonvnz @xiaoderrrr @flowers4thalia @nyuukei @curly-fr13s @itsactuallylina @risseei @0310lvr @viagumi @luvdokja @sickvision @wanna-live-yn-life @rionah

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tswaney17 · 1 year

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Do It For Me - Love is a Bitch Part 2

Happy Solstice to my wonderful, incredible, amazing, mate, @nikethestatue! I am your Secret Santa for this year. 😘 I had a very specific idea for this part, and well, this is what came out. I know it's probably not what you expected for it, but I hope you still like it. 💕

This song is heavily influenced by the song "Do It For Me" by Rosenfeld.

Read Love is a Bitch part 1 here.

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Trigger warnings: language, NSFW, very cringe-worthy interruption, some verbal and physical alcoholism trauma

Word Count: 9,293

Azriel missed his girl. He missed her presence, her physical body, her incredible laugh—it wasn’t the same through the phone or on video chat. It had been three months since Elain left Vegas for home and he was aching for her. Not just sexually, but her closeness. He just missed everything about her.

Hence why he was sitting in a rental car outside of her flower shop in California.

He hadn’t told her he was coming, wanting to surprise her. Az didn’t mind sitting in her shop, watching her work until she got off. He just needed to be near her.

Climbing out of the car, he walked in, the little doorbell jingling to announce his entrance. A woman stood behind the counter, arranging a bouquet in a violet-colored glass vase. She was tall, and slender, with sleek black hair and a gorgeous, brown complexion.

Azriel recognized her as Cerridwen, one of the twins that worked with Elain and who were her closest friends. His tell-tell between the sisters was the blunt bangs Cerridwen had, whereas Nuala’s hair was all one length.

She smiled at him, setting the flowers in her hands on the countertop. “Hello, can I help you with something?”

He knew she was aware of him. Elain had previously told him she showed them his photo. Sliding his Ray Bans onto the top of his head, her gasp informed him that his assumptions were right.

Her dark eyes widened, glowing with devious intent. “Did she know you were coming?” she asked in a hushed voice.

Az shook his head. “No.”

A smirk lit up her face. “Would you like me to call her out here?”

“Please.”

“Elain! There’s a customer out here asking for you.”

“I’ll be right out,” Elain shouted, her voice carrying such a sweet tone that almost had his knees buckling.

But he remained standing as she appeared from the back, and stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of him. “Azriel,” she breathed in surprise.

His smile softened as he looked her over. Fuck, she was even more beautiful than he remembered. “Hi, baby.”

And then she was running, ripping her smock over her head to drop on the floor, and launching herself into his arms.

Azriel had to brace himself as her small body collided with his, the force of it making him take a step back to absorb her momentum. One hand slid under her thigh and cupped her ass, the other around her trim waist so his palm could spread across her back.

Elain cried into his neck, legs and arms locking around him, clinging to him like a spider monkey. “You’re here,” she sobbed into his skin, tears turning the collar of his shirt damp.

He kissed her temple, hugging her even closer. “I’m here,” he whispered into her hair in soothing tones.

Her palms cupped his stubbled cheeks as she pressed her lips to his.

The kiss started out softly but quickly turned heated; hungrier. His tongue traced the seam of her mouth, begging for entry and he groaned when she opened herself to him. He took his time tasting her, exploring every inch of her mouth. Three months it had been since he’d been able to kiss her. Three months too long in his opinion. Azriel decided then and there that he wanted to kiss Elain every goddamn minute of every goddamn day.

“I missed you,” she said, resting her brow against his.

Her breath ghosted on his lips and he wanted nothing more than to tip his head up and capture that sweet mouth once more. “I missed you more,” he told her instead.

Elain unwrapped her legs from around his waist and slid down his body, but she didn’t let him go, keeping her arm slung around his torso. “Cer, this is Azriel. Azriel, Cerridwen,” she introduced.

He stuck his hand out to shake hers. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Again, a smirk toyed on her lips. “Oh, the pleasure is all mine.”

Elain’s cheeks turned pink at her friend’s comments. “Cer,” she hissed, dutifully avoiding looking up at him.

“What?” her friend demanded, playing coy. “I was just being polite.”

She shook her head, obviously exasperated by her friend’s antics. “Nuala, come here please!” Elain called out.

Another set of footsteps sounded from the back and then the third of the trio stepped into the front of the shop. Her eyes glanced at Elain before sweeping down his entire form.

Azriel was used to being looked at, but when it was from his girlfriend’s friends, he fought the urge to fidget under their scrutiny. He wanted them to like him. Needed them to.

“Oh, hello there,” she purred.

He could see the similar qualities between the two women, how they both must’ve liked to tease Elain mercilessly.

His girlfriend sighed. “You two are a menace.”

Nuala cocked her head to the side, long hair sliding off her shoulder. “Aren’t you going to introduce us, Ellie?”

“Not if you’re going to make some other snide remark.” The other woman made a crossing motion over her heart that had Elain, again, shaking her head. “Nuala, Azriel. Az, Nuala.”

His lips quirked up at the bland introduction but he gripped Nuala’s outstretched hand in his scarred one. “Lovely to meet you.”

“You as well,” she smiled. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh, boy,” Elain muttered.

“Only good things, I hope,” he chuckled.

Nuala laughed in a slightly frightening way. “All impressive things, in fact.”

“For the love of god,” Elain groaned. She gripped his hand in hers and half dragged him to the office in the back, slamming the door shut when she heard her friends whispering about him. Elain fell back against the wooden door, muttering an apology. “I’m so sorry about them.”

Az laughed, brushing a rogue curl behind her ear. “El, don’t worry about it. I’m not oblivious enough to not know you talk to your friends about me, about us. And they’re clearly good friends of yours if they’re comfortable enough to give you shit like that. I’m happy you have them.”

She moved towards him then, engulfing herself in his embrace. “I can’t believe you’re here.” He stroked his thumb over the back of her neck. “Why are you here? Not that I don’t want you to be, I’m just—”

“Surprised?” he finished for her. When she nodded, he dropped a kiss onto her forehead. “I wanted to do something special and surprise you. I’ve missed you too much.”

Elain’s hands slipped up the back of his shirt, feeling the sculpted muscle. “I missed you, too.”

He brought their lips together, kissing her slowly, wanting to savor the moment. Even though they texted and talked on the phone every day, and video-called every other day, something was missing between them. That physical presence and he couldn’t wait another second without seeing her. Being able to feel and touch her.

Taste her like he was doing now. Fuck, she was so sweet.

Elain whimpered, melting further into him.

Those sounds, gods he missed those sounds too. Azriel took full advantage of the opportunity, pushing her back until he lifted her onto her desk and slotted himself between her thighs. His fingers angled her jaw so he could kiss her better, to deepen himself into her while his thumbs traced over her cheeks.

His head went dizzy from her scent, her taste. Just her in general. He needed to feel every inch of her. Be inside of her. Hold her as close as their bodies allow.

But, Elain pulled away, breath coming out in heavy pants. “You have no idea how much I want to continue, but I’m afraid somebody might hear us.”

“Let them,” he growled, leaning in to nip at her swollen lips.

Her airy laugh had his heart racing in his chest, the sweet sound as delicate as a flower’s petal. “Tempting,” she murmured, sneaking one more kiss. Elain bit her bottom lip, contemplating her next words. “How long are you here for?”

His knuckles brushed over her cheek as he focused on her face. “A week.” Truthfully, it would likely be more than that, but there was still a lot in play and he wanted to spend time with her first before he got into the nitty gritty details of his trip.

Those gorgeous brown eyes glowed like sunshine. “A whole week, really?”

It relieved him to hear the excitement in her tone, that she was pleased by his unexpected visit and the length of his stay. He kissed her nose, making it scrunch in that adorable way of hers. “Mhmm. I do need to know what hotels are located near you, though—”

“A hotel?” she asked, brows furrowing. “Why do you need a hotel? You’re staying with me.”

He laughed softly, stroking the delicate skin of her neck with his thumb. “I didn’t want to assume.”

Elain snorted. “You are my boyfriend. The only place you’re staying is in my bed.”

Now that sounded perfect to him. Azriel was just about to kiss her again when a knock sounded on the door.

She rolled her eyes at the interruption but allowed him to step back so she could slide off the desk. “Come in.”

Nuala peeked her head in slightly before opening the door fully. “Just wanted to make sure you two were decent.”

“For Christ’s sake.”

Her friend snickered. “Ellie, take the rest of the day off. And this weekend. We can handle things here.”

“What?” It was obvious Elain hadn’t expected that.

“I’m perfectly happy hanging out here till El’s done,” he interjected. “Or pitching in where I can.”

But she was having none of that. “Really? You flew all the way here to surprise her. The least we can do is let her have the time with you.” She leaned a hip on the doorway. “Besides, we’re not super busy at the moment, and if something does come up, Cer and I can handle it.” Those dark eyes focused in on his girlfriend. “Go home, El. Enjoy it.”

It was adoration shining in Elain’s eyes. He could see just how much the gesture meant to her. “Thank you, Nu. Both of you. This means a lot to me.”

Nuala waved her off. “We’re always here for you, babes. Now get out of here.”

Elain was quick to pack up her stuff, taking his hand in hers as she led him from the shop and back out onto the street. They both chose to ignore the wolf-whistles from the twins as they left.

Azriel unlocked his car, opening the passenger door for her. “Where to?” he asked her.

She raised a brow, a smirk playing at her lips. “You don’t want to take me to the privacy of my own home?”

Her underlying innuendo was obvious. “As much as I’d love to be buried deep inside you right now,” Elain’s cheeks went scarlet, “I can wait if you want to spend some time together first. Show me around and whatnot. But if that’s what you want to do, I’m definitely not arguing.”

Her twinkling laugh warmed him from the inside out. “Such a romantic.” She glanced down the street like she was contemplating his words. “I haven’t had lunch yet. Do want to eat first?”

“Would I like to take you on an actual date? Fuck yeah, I would.” They never had a chance to go on one before she left Vegas, and their “dates” now typically included some movie they were watching at the same time, different foods to be eaten together, or, more commonly, some sort of phone or video sex. It wasn’t practical, but they made it work.

Elain’s eyes sparkled. “Well, when you put it that way. I know this place that serves the best barbeque in the downtown area.” She held out her hand for his keys.

That had his brows flying into his hairline. “Oh, you’re driving, are you?”

She nodded. “Downtown is fucking mess and there’s a shit ton of one-way streets. It’d be easier for me to drive than to give you directions.”

His lips quirked up as he handed her the keys. “You know, there is this magical device called GPS.”

“Yes, but this means I get to drive the fancy car.”

At that, he laughed. The rental place upgraded him to a sports Audi. It was completely ostentatious but was sleek as fuck too. “You can drive a stick, right?”

Elain grinned, opening the door to the driver’s side. “I suppose we shall find out,” she said, winking at him before climbing inside.

It turned out that not only could El drive a stick, she was fucking sexy as hell doing it too. Azriel was sitting in the passenger seat desperately trying to not pop a boner at the sight of her small hand gripping the wheel, the other on the rounded stick shift as she easily maneuvered into the different gears.

She glanced at him a few times. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” he grunted. Goddammit, if that wasn’t obvious enough. Az blew out a breath through his clenched teeth, his jaw feathering.

Elain hummed, fingers sliding over the stick like it was his dick. “You don’t sound fine.” After a few moments, she asked, “Is my driving really that bad?” Her voice had become incredibly small. Vulnerable-like.

“No, baby. No, that’s not it at all.”

She smoothly pulled into a parking spot and turned off the ignition. “Okay.” It was definitely not okay.

He hated the hurt in her voice, so before she could get out, he gripped her arm, forcing her to look over at him. “Elain, it wasn’t your driving. Not like that. I didn’t think about how fucking sexy you’d look driving a stick, sliding your hand over the gearshift like that. I’m trying really hard to not let it go straight to my pants.”

For a moment, she just stared at him, surprise lining her features. And then she tipped her head back and laughed. A joyous, full-bellied kind of laugh. “That got you all hot and bothered?”

“More than you even know,” he groaned, letting his head fall back against the headrest.

She snickered behind her hand. “If we weren’t out in the open in broad daylight, I’d suck you dry just to help take the edge off.”

“That. Is. Not. Helping,” he growled.

Elain smirked, leaning across the center console to kiss his cheek. “Come on, horny boy. Let’s get some food first.”

Az grumbled about wanting a different kind of food as he climbed out of the car, and let her take his mangled while they strolled down the street. He tried to take in the sights and sounds, but the only thing he could focus on was how her fingers felt laced with his. The smooth skin of her palm against his. The way her hair caught the sun’s reflection, illuminating like golden rays of light. How her face lit up when they passed a father carrying his giggling daughter on his back.

She was…magnificent.

He had always known she was beautiful, but seeing her like this, in her natural element, in her city where she knew where everything was—it was like seeing a completely different side of her. A side he wanted to know more about.

Since it was a comfortable spring day, they sat at one of the outside picnic tables eating dirty tots and Mac and Cheese, barbeque brisket, and chicken. It was a ridiculous amount of food for the two of them, but Azriel found that he was hungrier than he thought, eating his way through their dishes.

Elain had laughed at his overly indulged face. “I should’ve warned you that you can easily overdose on this stuff.”

He ran a hand over his stomach. “Do you know the last time I’ve had a carb, Elain?”

A perfectly groomed brow raised in amusement. “Do exotic dancers not eat carbs, Az?”

“Not ones who want to perform and not hurl on the stage,” he laughed. “But it was when we had breakfast the morning after. The pancakes.”

“If dancers don’t eat carbs, why did you make pancakes?”

Azriel reached across the table to grip her fingers. “Because of you. Pancakes are comfort food and I wanted to make you something other than egg whites and spinach.”

She snorted. “Do you eat that every day? It sounds miserable.”

He shrugged. “Well, I can’t have what I prefer to eat.”

“Which is?”

“You.”

Her cheeks turned the most delicious shade of red, but she leaned her chin on her fist, a quirk playing on her lips. “So, are you too full for dessert then?”

“Not if it’s that dessert,” he purred. He saw the heat rush through her, in how she crossed her legs. Azriel knew just a few well-placed strokes of his hands would have her façade crumbling.

The pad of his index finger brushed over the sensitive skin of her inner wrist making her shudder in anticipation.

Elain swallowed, shifting her body. “Yeah?” she murmured. “And what would you do when we got to my place?”

Azriel leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. “Well, to start, I’d put on a song to set the mood—”

“One of the songs from your routines?”

He nodded. Az sent music to her, letting her listen to the songs he performed to. Sometimes sending her videos of him at rehearsals. “A new routine for it.” His fingers drug up her forearm, sending little goosebumps over her flesh. “And then I’d kiss you so thoroughly, you’d forget your own name, peeling you out of your clothes, one item at a time.” He paused, waiting for a couple to pass by their table without being overheard.

“Once I had you naked, I’d splay you out on your kitchen table and let myself feast on that pretty, pink pussy that I’ve missed so much.”

Elain sighed, writhing in her seat. “Would you make me come?” she whispered, cheeks and chest reddening from the question.

His mouth drew up into a smirk. “Oh, baby. You’ll be coming twice on my tongue before I even let my cock out from the confines of my jeans.”

The whimper she let out had his dick getting impossibly harder. It was definitely not appropriate, given their current position in public, but fuck, did he love watching her squirm.

He took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “And then only after I’ve had my fill of you, until you’re begging me for it, would I fuck you on the table until you’re screaming my name.”

It was exactly the words he needed to break her tether. Elain jumped up from her seat, tugging him out of his. “Take me home, Azriel,” she breathed onto his mouth in a heated kiss.

Oh, he planned to.

~~~~~~

Elain was practically panting by the time she pulled Az’s rental car into her driveway. He had gripped her thigh the entire way home, the warmth from his palm seeping through her jeans. She needed him—all of him. Needed to feel his body against hers. The muscles contract beneath her fingertips.

It seemed like he couldn’t wait to get into her house because as soon as the car was off, Az gripped her chin and pulled her in for a slow, sensual kiss. His tongue slid into her mouth, stroking against hers.

She hummed, eyes fluttering shut as he explored her mouth, tasting every inch of it. “We’re not in the house yet,” she breathed onto his lips.

His growl had a fire igniting in her blood.

They clambered out of the car, Az grabbing his duffle bag from the trunk and carrying it into her place. It wasn’t the largest space in the world, but it fit her and all her needs.

The front door opened into her living room and dining area. The black and white kitchen was offset by a small bar and two barstools. Down the small hallway led to her bedroom and attached bathroom, and a half bath just across. It was quaint.

Cozy even.

Elain loved that it was perfectly hers.

She gave him the tour, having him set his things down in her bedroom before they made their way back out to the living room. “Would you like something to drink?”

A scarred hand gripped hers, turning her around to face him. “It can wait. There’s something else I want right now.” And then he was on her again, lips pressing open-mouthed kisses over her jaw and down her throat.

Her skin heated from the lavished attention he gave her, fingers sliding into his dark mop of hair upon his head. “Where’s the song?” she teased, tipping her head back to give him better access to her neck.

His smile grazed her skin. Azriel pulled back just enough to slip his phone from his pocket. “Do you have a speaker to connect to?”

She froze as she looked down at his lock screen. Because that was her—or rather, her silhouette that she sent to him, on his phone’s display. “That’s me,” she deadpanned, glancing up at him. Elain had seen the TikTok trend, Silhouette Challenge, and decided to give Azriel his own little show from her. She took the video in a dress, sending him a message with it asking if he liked her new outfit. And then the music shifted and she put on a scrap of lace, posing in a sexy way with a red light behind her.

She channeled her inner exotic dancer for it, having to film it quite a few times before she did one worthy to send to him.

Az had taken a great deal of time in responding to the message after he read it.

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I screenshotted that video. It was too fucking hot not to.” A blush grazed the high arches of his golden-brown cheeks.

A smile turned up the corner of her lips. “You liked it?”

“I loved it. I watch it a lot. It’s saved to my phone.”

At that, she laughed, tipping her head back. “Well, I’m glad. I was nervous sending it.”

His fingers danced over her cheek. “You shouldn’t have been. I thoroughly enjoyed it.” Leaning in, he brushed his lips to her face, his warm breath making her dizzy with need. “So, the speaker?”

A bit dazed, Elain showed him which Bluetooth connection to use. She may have gone out and purchased a new system a couple of months ago so she could listen to the songs he sent to her like he was performing for her. To feel the beat under her feet, throughout her body.

The music began to play, the heavy bass coming through and zapping at her skin.

Show me how. Show me how you like it done.

Tossing his phone onto her couch, he shot her a heated look that had her toes curling in her shoes.

Take off your clothes. Give me your trust. Look me in the eyes and confess your lust. Get on your knees. Beg me to stop. I promise I'll love you if you do it. So do it for me.

The music swept over her, carrying her into a world of pleasure and fantasy. “Are you going to kiss me now?” she murmured, voice husky with need and desire. An ache had grown between her legs that was demanding her attention—or his attention rather.

“El, baby. I don’t plan to ever stop kissing you.” And then he was on her, dominating her lips with his, his tongue finding purchase inside of her mouth.

It was a deep, claiming type of kiss. One that made her knees weak and left her breathless. Her head spun as his fingers worked on the buttons of her long-sleeve shirt.

He didn’t stop. Not when he stripped her out of her top, and then deftly unhooked her bra and tossed it behind him. Bare from the waist up, his mouth latched onto her breast, sucking a nipple deep between his lips.

Elain’s back arched as she moaned quietly, the pull from his mouth eliciting a delicious tug between her thighs. She felt herself growing wet. Gripping his shirt, she ripped it over his head, hands sliding on the beautiful, golden-brown skin it revealed. Every cut line of him, every chiseled muscle on display. His body was glorious.

Give me your hand. I'll show you things you've never done. Hold my head. I'll make you feel like never before.

Azriel lifted her into his arms by the backs of her thighs, her legs wrapping around his waist as he carried her to the table and laid her on the cool surface.

She gasped at the contact, body bowing away from the startling cold top. But he was there, swallowing the sound right from her mouth. Her fingers skimmed over the strong muscles of his shoulders, over his pecs, and down his abdomen.

He groaned into her mouth when she cupped him through his jeans. Squeezing her waist once, he kissed his way down her torso, to unlace her shoes and tugged them off.

Azriel’s hand popped the button of her pants and soon, those also joined the rest of their clothes on the floor.

Elain was breathing heavily as she looked up at him, staring at the lace panties she wore, knowing he could see the dark spot that had formed. “Please, Az,” she begged, her sex aching for any sort of friction.

Say my name. All I wanna do is hear you scream in pain. Say my name. I promise I'll love you if you do it. So do it for me.

His smirk took on a mischievous hint to it, the lyrics mirroring her reactions almost to a T. “Begging already, my sweet?”

She used her legs, still wrapped around his hips, to tug him closer, pressing his hard cock into her. Elain moaned, raising her hips to rub herself against him.

He chuckled, dryly. “So needy.” Azriel stripped himself down to his boxers before leaning himself over her once more—the song starting again. He kissed her stomach, sucking a mark into the skin near her belly button. Like he did that first night together, Az gripped the hem of her underwear between his teeth, and slowly dragged it down her legs.

“Christ,” Elain groaned, eyes rolling into the back of her head. The cool air on her wetness had her trying to close her legs, but large, scarred hands grabbed her thighs, prying her legs further apart.

“Don’t hide from me.” It sounded like both a request and a demand. Azriel dipped his nose into the junction of her leg and hip, inhaling deeply. “Fuck,” he moaned. “I missed your scent almost as much as I missed your taste.”

The first swipe of his tongue had Elain crying out. Her body ached for him. Needed to be fed by him.

He groaned from the sweetness of her cunt, tongue dragging up from her entrance to flick her clit.

Gods, she was so wet already, her body responding to him in a way not even she could produce. She throbbed, the draw from his mouth nearly too much to handle. Elain slid her hands into his hair, tugging the strands hard to pull him closer to her pussy. “Eat, Az,” she commanded, voice wavering from the pleasure he wasn’t quite giving to her yet.

But those words seemed to snap whatever tether he had on himself because Azriel unleashed himself on her. He sucked her clit between his teeth, grazing it with just a bit of pain to mix in her pleasure, before sliding down to plunge it inside of her.

Elain threw her head back, moaning loud enough that she should be concerned her neighbors would hear her—but, frankly, she didn’t care. Not when he ate her like this. Her lips parted, eyes screwed shut in pleasure as he licked and sucked at her pussy. It was divine.

It was mind-blowing.

It was everything she missed and so much more. “Fuck, Az…” Her fingers tightened on those soft, midnight locks as she built up, up, up to that wonderous edge.

So close, she was so damn close. The sounds of his mouth against her filled the room, her heavenly moans of pleasure echoed in her small house. Loud enough that neither of them heard the front door unlock or open.

“Jesus fuck,” came a distinctly male voice that only could belong to one man.

No. Oh gods, no.

Her eyes snapped open and she tipped her neck back to look at the door, Azriel’s head pulling off her cunt to also determine who was intruding on them at her place.

“Dad!” Elain yelped, shoving off the table and almost crashing into Azriel in her haste to hide her naked body. She booked it for her room, her boyfriend a half step behind her, and slammed her door shut, horror churning in her gut. “Oh gods, no. No, no, no,” she chanted, pacing her room, still nude. Her hands gripped her hair, anxiety rolling in her gut and making her sick to her stomach.

She was going to throw up.

Azriel reached for her shoulders, halting her movements. “El, hey. It’s okay.”

She shook her head, desperately trying to not cry. He pulled her into his chest, tucking her face into his warm skin. “No, it’s not,” she barely managed to get out before he pounded on her door.

“Elain Violet Arch’r-ron. Get y’ur fucking ass out’re, now.” The slur of his words told her he was already two sheets in.

Fuck, this could not be happening.

Azriel looked down at her in surprise at the hostility of her dad’s voice, the question obvious in his eyes. This was not how she wanted to tell her boyfriend that her dad was a grade-A drunk and she was the only child that still spoke to him.

She sighed heavily, trying to quell her upset stomach, and pulled out of his embrace, rummaging in her drawers for a proper outfit.

He followed her lead, grabbing clothing from his duffle bag, and giving her the time to speak. Azriel could read her well enough to know that she was holding something back.

“I need you to stay in here while I go handle this,” she told him, pulling on her t-shirt.

That had him whirling around, bare-chested still. “You think I’m going to let you face this alone?”

Elain shook her head, taking a breath to try and come to words with how she needed to explain this to him and why she needed to go out first.

Her dad pounded on the door again. “Elain!”

“I’m coming!” she called back, voice harder than she’d ever spoken to him before. Facing her boyfriend, she told him, “My dad is an…” Elain paused, determining what best way to say it, “aggressive drunk.” Azriel’s eyes widened but he didn’t interrupt. “I can tell he’s had a few already and it would be better for me to go out there first to try and calm him down.”

Hazel eyes roved over her face, giving him the time to think of a rebuttal, because of course he would. Finally, he settled on, “If that’s the case, El, then I’m not comfortable leaving you in his presence alone. We weren’t doing anything wrong. You are an adult woman and we were in the privacy of your home. He barged in without so much as a knock. He has no reason to be angry.”

She waved an indifferent hand. “It doesn’t matter. He’ll still be angry. Please, just let me go out there to try and calm him down before you come out. Please, Azriel.” Her tone took a bit of pleading note to it, and she saw his hesitancy crumble beneath it.

Az sighed heavily, shrugging his shirt over his head. “Fine, but if he gets physical with you, I’m coming out.” His voice brooked no room for argument.

Elain tucked herself into his chest, squeezing him. “He won’t. He’s never been physical, only verbal. I was the only one who could talk him down. It’s why my sisters never visit him.” She kissed the center of his chest. “Thank you,” she breathed before slipping out the door and shutting it quietly behind her.

Her father was leaning against the wall across from her room, waiting. His arms were crossed over his chest and the scowl etched onto his face had her stomach tightening in knots.

Noticing her absent partner, he scoffed. “Is he hidin’ from me?” he commented unkindly, pushing off the wall and swaying a bit.

Elain’s anger boiled to the surface at the accusation, but she let it simmer. “No, I asked him to wait to come out until we talked first.” Without providing further elaboration, she spun on her heel and made her way to the living room, turning off the speaker that was still playing Az’s sensual song and picking up scattered clothing from the floor.

“Who is he?” he demanded, hiccupping.

She ignored the tone. “His name is Azriel.”

“Where’d you meet ‘em?”

Elain shoved their scattered clothes into a ball behind one of her plants, out of prying, judgemental eyes. “We met in Vegas. When I went for Feyre’s birthday, remember?”

The name of his other daughter made his eye twitch, his nose crinkling up in disdain. But she watched the dots connect of how they could’ve possibly met at a twenty-one-year-old’s birthday trip to Vegas. “For fu—fuck’s sake, Elain. Don’t tell me he’s one’er those strippers.”

She took a steadying breath, needing a second to calm herself from the utter malice in his voice. “It doesn’t matter where we met. What matters is that he’s my boyfriend and he genuinely cares for me.”

Her father groaned in misery. “You’r gonna catch a—a disease from ‘em, Elain,” he hiccupped again.

A single brow raised, nostrils flaring in fury. “Excuse me? How dare you say something so awful!”

“What’er ‘bout Graysen?” he snarled.

The sound of her ex-boyfriend’s name on his lips made her flinch. “Graysen and I have been broken up for over two years, dad. It’s time you moved on.” She couldn’t help the sharpness of her tone. How dare he bring him up. After everything he did to her, the way he treated her!

“I pulled strings to get you’r together. And you jus’—jus’ up and left him!”

“You were his father’s best friend!” she screamed. “You two pushed us together and he treated me like crap—”

“Still better than the trash hiding behind y’ur door,” he spat.

Elain knew Azriel could hear every word. Hear every vile, disgusting word her father spoke. The trash comment… Her chest went cold at the thought of Az dumping her because of what he said. How he treated him. “You need to leave,” Elain said coldly.

Her father’s brows raised at the frozenness of her tone. “I’m not gonna let you throw y’ur life away on…’em,” he sneered, stumbling a step when he swayed heavily to the side.

“You don’t get to dictate my life. I’m a grown woman—”

His hand shot out and grabbed her forearm in a tight grip. “Y’ur my daughter!” he shouted.

Elain tried to pull her arm away, but his grip hardened, fingers digging into her skin until she knew there would be bruises. “Ow, dad. You’re hurting me, let go.”

Seeming to ignore her attempted pleas, “You’ll do as I—I say.”

For the first time in her life, Elain looked up at her father’s face, saw his wrath, his alcoholism, and feared for her safety. This was beyond anything she’d ever experienced with him. “You’re hurting me, dad. Let go,” she said again, more timidly than before. Truth be told, she was scared. She was scared of him. She was scared of him fighting with Azriel. He’d gotten into a bar fight before and she used nearly all of her life savings to bail him out.

She regretted it now.

The bedroom door swung open after the second plea from her, and there stood Azriel, a menacing look on his face. He glanced at her, registered the terror she couldn’t hide from him even if she tried, and then turned his attention onto her father. “Let her go. Now.” The deep baritone of his voice, the hint of a threat would have lesser men running.

But her dad was intoxicated enough to not sense the danger in his tone. He took a step towards the door, using his grip on her to tug her with him.

Elain whimpered—Azriel’s blazing eyes shot to her at the sound—and used her free hand to try and pry off his grip. “Dad, please,” she begged. The last thing she wanted was for this to end in a physical altercation, more so than it already had.

“This don’t concern you, boy. Why don’t you jus’ pack’er things and leave, hmm?”

Azriel took two steps, closing the distance between them. “I’m not going to ask you again. Remove your hand from her or I will forcibly do it for you.”

She saw the threat click through the fog holding her father hostage because he looked down at her and finally released her arm. Once free, Elain moved swiftly, finding comfort in Az’s arms as he gently pulled her away from him.

Tears were threatening to slide down her face but she choked them down, her throat aching from them.

The disgust on her father’s face as he watched Azriel touch her had her blood boiling.

“Look at ‘em, Elain! He’s ain’t even like us.”

She gaped at him.

“Jus’ like ev’ry otha low-life, once he knocks ya up, he gonna leave you. At leas’ Gray coulda support’d you.”

She lost it. Twisting in Az’s arms, she raged, “Support me? The only thing Graysen could support was his infidelity! And treating me like shit. The only thing he did consistently was put me down. Made me feel worthless. And that’s what you want me to go back to?” her voice edged higher and higher as she seethed. “Azriel cares for me. He’s genuinely interested in what I do and who I am. He’s respectful and kind and wonderful, and I love him!”

The room went silent until she realized what she had said.

Elain gasped, covering her mouth as she turned to face a stunned Az. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered in horror. “I—I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

Amber-colored eyes flicked between her own with such wonder, such awe, she could feel the tether between them form like it was an unbreakable bond. But Azriel simply cupped her face, thumbs lightly brushing over her cheeks. “You love me?” He said it so softly like he almost didn’t believe it.

There wasn’t a doubt in her mind as she breathed, “Yes. Yes, Azriel—I love you.”

His face morphed into something she’d never seen before. It was vulnerable and beautiful, and she wanted to see it over and over again for the rest of her life. “I love you too, Elain.” His mouth descended upon hers, kissing her with sweet reverence, but not in a way she knew he wanted to, not with an audience that didn’t approve of him.

They didn’t let his scoffing interrupt them, enjoying just a few more precious seconds of that kiss.

When she finally broke away, the brilliant smile that overtook Az’s face shattered and remade her soul. Elain knew then that he was the one for her. She twisted back around to face her father, sinking into Azriel’s embrace behind her. “Dad, you don’t have to like him. That’s fine. But you’re going to accept that I do; that I can choose for myself. And if you can’t then there’s,” she indicated with a nod of her head, “the door. Leave.”

Those dark eyes that matched her own, gave them a once-over before he grumbled something she chose not to hear and left, the front door slamming shut behind him.

Once alone, Elain returned her attention to Azriel. “I’m so sorry, Az. For having to listen to those awful words he spewed.” Tears lined her eyes as she spoke. “Please believe me when I say that I don’t agree with anything that he said.”

He cupped her face again in his large, warm palms. Let his thumbs swipe under her eyes to brush away her tears. “El, love. I know you.” He emphasized his point by bringing a single hand down to lie over her chest. “I know your heart, your soul. I know that you don’t have those same views as him. I would never hold his opinions against you.”

She threw herself into his hold, burying her face into his pec. “I love you,” she murmured into his chest.

Az’s hands slid down to the backs of her thighs as he easily lifted her into his arms and carried her to her bedroom. “Let me show you just how much I love you,” he told her, gently lying her down on her bed.

Shredding her clothes off, he resumed his post-lunch dessert between her thighs.

A few licks with his tongue had her body building back up at record speed. “Az,” she moaned, tugging his inky locks with her fingers. Fuck he gave amazing head.

Plunging two fingers into her wet pussy, she pulsed around him. “So desperate already,” he muttered, his stubbled chin and cheeks giving her a delicious friction between her thighs. His tongue flicked her clit, teasingly. “Would you like to come, love?”

The pet name had her body going warm, toes curling. “Please, Az,” Elain begged. “I want to come. I need to come.” Her voice was nothing more than a whine, but she didn’t care. Her body craved him. Craved every touch, every taste, and feeling of him.

He chuckled, giving her a few more licks before he sucked the sensitive bud between his lips hard until she shattered.

Elain screamed, her back arching off the bed as he rang every drop from her. Throwing an arm over her hips, he pinned her to the bed—pinned her to his mouth still sucking her clit. Her cries of pleasure echoed in the room as he coaxed her down from her high.

Azriel kissed up her body, pausing to bite little marks into her skin on his way up to her lips.

She could taste herself on his tongue, the sweetness that coated it drawing a deep whine from the back of her throat. Her legs opened, making room for him to settle into the cradle of her hips. Gripping his t-shirt, she ripped it over his head, throwing the offending garment across the room. Elain ran the pads of her fingers over his body, feeling the hard muscles under her palms. The rigorous workout routine he maintained kept him at peak performance and fuck, was he glorious naked.

Her darkened eyes, nearly swallowed by her pupils, glanced up at his face. “I missed you,” she murmured, not wanting to break the heated tension that had fallen over them.

His smile warmed her from the inside out. Az nudged his nose into hers affectionately, hips rolling and grinding into her. The hardness that pressed into her reminded her just how large he was. “I missed you too, El.”

Removing himself from her, Azriel stripped out of his clothes and collected a condom from his pack, rolling the rubber over his impressive length once he settled back on her bed.

Elain felt herself get wetter watching him prep himself, using the slick from her sex to coat his cock with a few strokes from his hand. But soon enough, he was back on top of her, rubbing himself between her thighs. She moaned his name, dragging his head down for a heated kiss.

He lined himself up with her entrance, the tip of his cock barely dipping in and out of her as he kissed down her jaw, working at the sensitive skin of her neck. “I think I may want to draw another orgasm from you just like this. My cock working your clit, rubbing you just the right way,” he murmured, rutting his hips into hers.

She growled, wrapping her legs around his waist and trying to pull him inside of her aching heat. “No more teasing.”

Az grinned into her throat. “What do you want, baby?”

“You. I need you.”

He kissed her cheek, dragging his lips up to her earlobe. “You have me. I’m right here.”

Another whine left her throat as she again tried to use the heels of her feet to push him where she desperately wanted him. But Az was too strong, keeping himself steady and barely teasing her.

“Tell me, El,” he told her, biting the lobe of her ear and sucking it into his mouth.

She groaned, feeling the sensation of that tug low in her belly. “Fuck me, Azriel. Please, I need your cock. I need to feel it—” her words were cut off as he finally sunk himself to the hilt, her body greedily taking every single inch. “Yesss!” Elain whined in a long, drawn-out syllable.

His breath ghosted over her neck, giving her a second to adjust to his size. When she yanked his hips in further, he set a brutal pace, snapping into hers.

Her bedroom was filled with the sounds of skin slapping skin, their heavy breaths. The scent of sex and sweat hung in the room like a layer of fog.

Azriel gripped her wrists and pinned them above her head, using his one hand to hold them there. His other moved to tilt her jaw up, allowing him to kiss her deeper, his tongue plunging into her mouth to stroke hers. To fuck into her mouth like his cock was doing to her. Scarred fingers slid further down her body, cupping her full globe of a breast before he pinched at her nipple, adding a twinge of pain with her pleasure.

Elain cried out, eyes scrunching closed.

But he was there to swallow the sounds, those deft fingertips tracing even further south until he touched her just there. “Fuck, you feel better than I remember,” he groaned, his cock sliding deeper and deeper until it stroked that spot inside of her.

“I thought about you,” she panted, looking up into his burning gaze. “When I touched myself, I pictured your hands, your cock.” Her arms ached, still pinned above her head. She wanted to feel him beneath her palms. To touch him, but his hold on her remained firm. “It was the only way I could get off without you.”

Her words unleashed some primal thing inside of him, his thrusts becoming harder, more erratic. The fingers circling her clit became more pronounced, tighter. She felt her body pulse around his cock, edging into her orgasm.

“Come with me, Az,” she moaned, throwing her head back and exposing her throat to him.

His mouth attached to her neck at her pulse point, sucking hard enough she knew a purple bruise would blossom from his careful ministrations. The draw from his lips and teeth, the sliding of his cock over that spot inside her had her falling, falling, falling, into her pleasure.

“Azriel!” she called out, his name coming through in three, drawn-out syllables. Elain’s body arched into his as she drew him to his release, thrusting sloppily into her while he spilled into the condom. Her name an echo from his chest into her throat.

He released her hands and the skin of her neck from his teeth, collapsing on top of her.

Her fingers went straight to his hair, sliding through the thick, damp locks to scratch at his scalp, down his nape. Az panted against the junction of her shoulder, his hot breath causing gooseflesh to erupt over her skin.

They lay there in silence, catching their breath until Azriel began planting light kisses on her neck and collarbone. “Fuck, love. That was,” he breathed, pushing himself up to look down at her.

“Amazing,” she finished for him, a smile overtaking her features.

A similar one graced his face. “Better than amazing.”

“I hope you brought the extra large box of condoms because I have a feeling we’re going to go through a lot of them.”

Az laughed, kissing her cheek. “If that’s the case, I may have to make a quick trip to the store.” He ducked his head to press their brows together. “I’m going to pull out—take a breath for me.”

She did, wincing slightly as he withdrew from her.

He kissed her lips once, twice, three times before climbing off her. “Where are your towels?”

“Under the sink.”

Stooping to drop one more kiss, Az headed to her bathroom to clean up.

~~~~~

After wiping them both down, Azriel put on a pair of clean boxers and climbed back into bed, pulling a very pliable Elain on top of him. Currently, her bare pussy was pressed against his thigh, her legs straddling his and she had draped herself on his chest.

Her fingers were tracing over the black ink on his chest.

He’d be lying if he said the heat he could feel on his thigh, the way she reverently touched him tempted him to take her again, but he had to tell her his news first.

“I have something I wanted to talk to you about,” he murmured into her hair.

She propped her chin on the back of her hand, looking up at him with those doe eyes he loved so much. “Hmm? What about?”

He brushed an errant curl behind her ear. “The furniture business is moving forward. My brothers’ and I pitched a collection to one of the large stores in San Francisco, knowing it would do well in the higher-priced market. It was accepted.”

A lovely smile turned up her lips. “That’s wonderful, Az. I’m so happy for you guys.”

“We gave our resignations to Club Velaris last week.”

That had her brows shooting up into her hairline. “Wow, you did? The business has really taken off then. That’s fantastic!” She shot him a sly grin. “So, does that mean no more sexy dance videos?”

He tipped his head back, laughing. “Perhaps live versions will make up for it?” Az traced the apples of her cheeks with his fingertips. “Since our market is the city, we also decided to move the business there. Rhys and Cash are in San Francisco now securing the licensing, a warehouse, and a storefront for us to operate from.” Along with catching up with the other two Archeron sisters, though he knew she could probably guess as much.

Elain pushed herself up onto her forearms, surprise lining every inch of her face. “You’re moving to San Francisco?” He could see the hope in her brown eyes, how it would make them only about an hour and a half apart. Az just hoped that what he said next would warrant the same response.

“Well, no. They’re moving to San Francisco…” at her confused face, he added, “I was thinking about moving here. To be closer to you.”

She blinked, pushing herself up off him.

He would’ve been concerned by the distance had she not remained straddling his leg.

“You want to move here to be with me?” she asked carefully, voice small.

Azriel sat up, bringing their faces closer together. “Yes,” he told her earnestly. “I want to have a relationship with you that doesn’t require us to video call or text daily. I want to see you whenever I feel like it. I want to be able to hold you and take you on proper dates.”

“What about your brothers? The business,” she worried, biting down on her bottom lip.

He reached up to grip her chin, plucking the lip she’d trapped from between her teeth. “The city isn’t far from here. I can just drive in whenever Cassian needs an extra set of hands in the shop. But I mainly design, which I can do from anywhere. I’d like to do it here, where you’re at.”

Elain wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers tangling in the hair there. “What if…” she started, looking a bit unsure of herself.

He ran his hands up her back in a soothing gesture, urging her to continue.

She swallowed, taking a breath. Her eyes cast down to their laps. “What if…you moved in with me?”

The question surprised him. Yes, they’d only been going out for three months, but Azriel didn’t have a single doubt in his mind that Elain was his person. His forever. Seeing the red hue running along her cheeks made him adore her even more. Hooking a finger under her chin, he forced her gaze back to his. “You want me to move in with you?”

Her tongue darted out to wet her bottom lip, and, fuck if he couldn’t help himself from rubbing his thumb after it. She nodded, as best as she could while he still held her chin. “I know it’s a big step, but if you’re moving here anyways…” she shrugged slightly.

It wasn’t exactly what he was hoping she’d say. “So, you want me to move in because I’m already moving here?”

Elain’s eyes widened as she realized what she had insinuated. “No! No, that’s not what I meant. I, ugh,” she sighed, frustrated with herself. “I’m asking if you want to move in with me because I want you to move in with me.” She resituated herself on his lap to straddle his hips.

Fuck, Elain naked was a sight for sore eyes. He would love nothing more than to go to bed with her curled up next to him each night. Wake up to her nude body every morning. She was gloriously bare, making him hard in his boxers again.

Trying to ignore the blood running south of his waistline, Az cupped her face in his palms. “El, love, I don’t want you to invite me to live with you unless you’re absolutely sure you want to do this.”

“I do,” she told him earnestly. “I want you to move in with me. If…if that’s what you want.” Again, he saw the nervousness in the question that was not a question.

His thumbs stroked across the high arches of her cheeks. “I would love to move in with you, Elain.” Az brought her mouth to his, kissing her softly. She melted into him, pulling herself closer into his chest. “I love you, El.”

“I love you too, Az,” she breathed, leaning in to kiss him again. “Oh my god. We’re going to live together!” Elain squealed, throwing her arms around his neck.

He laughed, wrapping his hands around her waist. “So, should we christen our new place?” he grinned.

Elain smirked. “Fuck yes.” And then she was on him, slinking her way off his lap and lowering her face to his covered cock. A few quick maneuvers had him stripped and was sucking his dick deep into her mouth.

His hand snaked into her hair, holding it in a tight grip at the back of her head. Fuck he loved this woman.

The two of them spent the rest of the evening, fucking in every room, on every surface, and celebrating what their future might bring.

~~~~~

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5eraphim · 1 year

Text

eras of tumblr i could give hour-long Ted Talks about

(only including eras i participated in, not what i’ve lived through second-handedly. these are what i personally remember seeing on my dash, i’m sure there’s plenty i missed. This is an ongoing list/not fixed/subject to future edits.)

2015 gravity falls

the rise of sexyman bill cipher

depravity falls and putting 12 yr old characters in violent guro situations

alex hirsch worship

billdip discourse

the diehard thirst for Gruncle Ford

“i want to fuck that dorito”

2015/16 Black Butler

SebaCiel discourse

Grelle discourse (like, i don’t even know how to elaborate, but if you were there you would remember how people were fighting over her characterization in all different directions. Which is funny because, love her or hate her, she is barely even in the show lol)

The needlessly intense sjw vs anti-sjw/ fiction doesn’t effect reality/ shipping fighting

can’t quantify this, but i swear 80% of the fans were ex-hetalia fans

Black butler 2 being either loved or hated, while book of circus was almost unanimously loved

the Scott Freeman incident...

no one giving a fuck about the female characters

Yana/Jay Michael Tatum worship

2016 Undertale

Sans undertale sexyman rise

the most raw video game soundtrack of all time

papyton

no one agrees how to draw undyne, but we all agree that she’s gay as fuck

(This is a personal anecdote, but i actually made a friend in highschool bc i drew undertale fanart on the board at latin class nd she added to it the next day, i added to it the next day and eventually we met up and it was so adorable)

“get dunked on”

2016-17 hamilton, heathers, great comet, dear evan hansen, be more chill musical theater insanity

rip tumblr user galactibun

The Hamilton craze breathing new life into the 1776 musical fandom

Most bizarre fanfic aus seen on tumblr thus far (hamilton)

The great comet Tony snubs

BMC and DEH blowing up, despite most fans only caring about the characters, totally ignoring the plot.

“Miku binder Thomas Jefferson”

No one giving a fuck about “The Hamilton Mixtape”

Gatekeeping fans who didn’t read war and peace or the ron chernow biography (i don’t think anyone ever gave a shit about the BMC orginal book which is SO FUNNY)

lin manuel miranda worship

real people fanfictions of actors/shipping them (especially hamilton!)

Key Figures include: Lin Manuel Miranda, Ron Chernow, Philipa Soo, Daveed Diggs, Ben Platt, George Salazar, Barette Wilbert Weed, and Mike Faist

2016-2017 the yuri on ice, killing stalking, kaikyu yaoi trifecta

Yaoi take over

The anime fans collective salt over YOI winning anime of the year 2016

Not in this time period, but the Killing Stalking fans despising the ending en mass several years later.

Free! was also huge as the second season concluded not long before, but wasn’t receiving new updated in Realtime like the other three.

honestly? i mostly just remember people drawing some of the most beautiful fan art of the characters and not bothering to follow the plots

2015-2016 steven universe discourse peak craziness

There are no words, looking back this all feels like a fever dream

Insane fan-theories (as in- even for Tumblr, these theories were very out there)

Pink diamond character derailment

“watching steven universe is the opposite of eating pussy”

Gemosonas

fusion = sex???

“it’s over isn’t it” single-handedly inspiring some of the most beautiful fan art to come out of the show; "Stronger than you” def inspired much more fan-creations, but they were nowhere near as good imo

That terrible lily peet video that sent a tidal wave of fandom-fighting

Concrete

Nicki Minaj guest appearance

the porn avalanche predating the 2018 nsfw ban

My OG account got banned >:( (i never posted porn, tried to email support to no avail, I DID NOT DEVERVE THIS YOU NARCS)

50-50 mix of people posting lewd art and people posting links to find them as they migrated to twitter

“Female presenting nipples”

The return of the citrus scale (orange: PG/G, Lime: PG-13, Lemon: R, Grapefruit: X)

“Too Spicy for Tumblr”

Didn’t even stop the porn bots, mostly just screwed over artists and writers

IMO the peak of user v staff animosity

2020 hannibal

The small but loyal anthony hopkins defenders

Some of the most beautiful creative gore art

The moodboard to web-weaving pipeline

People being surprisingly respectful of fans who only watched the show, or who didn’t read Red Dragon/Silence of the Lambs, or where otherwise not invested in the greater overall Hannibal canon.

Manipulate, mansplain, malewife

Key Figures Include: Madds Mikkelson, Hugh Dancy, Anthony Hopkins

november 5, 2020

You just had to be there man, i don’t know what to tell you.

Key Figures include: Donald Trump, Castiel, Dean Winchester, Joe Biden, Vladimir Putin, Nevada, Georgia, Wisconsin and debatably Sherlock season 5

the 2021 coquette girl blogger era

Lana del rey worship

The ungodly amount of softcore porn

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss

Glorification of eating disorders, benzos, trailer parks, predatory men, age gap relationships, and so much more!

Teenagers blogging about Russian lit you know they never read

Waifblr

Still not sure to this day how much of this was ironic and how much wasn’t?? Or if any of this was self-aware???

Yes babe you’re so bambi, kate moss, diet coke, wellbutrin, dasha nekrosova, ballet, klonopin, trad cath, fawn, dior, sofia coppela, can you please shut the fuck up now?

key figures include: Lana del Rey, Daisy Randone, Dasha Nekrosova, Nina Sayers, Fiona Apple, Anya Taylor Joy, Sylvia Plath, Kate Moss, Kirsten Dunst (probably so many more, but this is just off the top of my head)

(bonus)

2015/16- My personal earliest memories of really getting into tumblr, and witnessing the tail-end of the Hetalia reign

2016- the end of Homestuck

2016- the epidemic of overwatch porn

2016- Does Jumin Han is gay?

2017- RWBY’s nosedive in quality from season 3 to 4, losing the majority of the fanbase

2018 Boyfriend to Death civil war (Gatobob v ElectricPuke)

2018- Detroit become Human drops and the robot-fucking gatekeeping

2018- the Game of thrones/Endgame joint disaster ending melt down

2019- Sub-par Omens

2020- the Dead by Daylight community rioting when Pyramid Head’s ass got nerfed

2020- Cyberpunk 2077 is released and is torn apart almost instantly. Looking back by my approximations post were made up of- 10% people who were actually playing the games and enjoying themselves, 20% people who were playing the game and WEREN’T having fun, 55% People who never bought/played the game who were making up crazy glitches for clout, 15% hardcore pornography of characters you’d never seen before. (I’m quite salty about this bc I worked at GameStop at this time and had people constantly talking about glitches in casual conversation and I just know most of these bitches were LYING.)

20??- don’t remember the exact dates, but phase 3 marvel was un-escapable at this time

2020/21- Succession blows up

2022 Ghost bc blows up on tiktok, the fandom already sizable on tumblr only goes up from here

#.txt

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cboffshore · 4 months

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Happy holidays Lila! To me, you will always be the CEO of Ninjago Season 6 aka Skybound. Love seeing your skybound thoughts on tumblr. Please continue to make Nadakhan suffer. I remember seeing you like my Nadakhan posts and my first thought was “woah! I have to be mutuals with this person. They have a PHD in skybound and they approve of my Nadakhan thoughts”. I hope we can continue to rip Nadakhan to shreds analytically some day.

For the holidays I read one of your fics and I wanted to leave a comment! I don’t have an ao3 account so this is the only way I can leave a comment. Despite being a crack fic that you spent three hours on (according to the tags) I thought it was well written! I adore how you describe a setting. You do it succinctly but still manage to paint a vivid image in the reader’s mind. I love how you explore Jay’s dreams after the events of Skybound. I wish the show could actually do that. Also the part with Kalmaar was really funny! I wonder how Nadakhan and Kalmaar would react to meeting each other. I think your idea is very creative. I haven’t seen part 2 of Dragon’s Rising yet (the friend I watch Ninjago with just got on break so we plan on watching it soon). Your fic makes me really excited at the possibility of some characters ending up in the Departed Realm when I watch. I haven’t even considered that idea beforehand.

Thank you for entertaining my Ninjago trick or treat ideas. I had a lot of fun answering your asks. I’m wishing you all the best Lila!

Best wishes,

May

Hi there, May - happiest of Honda Days to you as well! I also adore seeing your Skybound thoughts here, even if I haven't said it directly before. That Nadakhan post you made a long time ago (the one about us seeing his fall in real time) was the first one I ever saw that made me think "OH FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE GETS IT TOO!!!" It's an angle we don't talk about much as a community, and that's a tragedy. It's SO fun to play with. Imagine me handing you a bright orange graduation tassel with the Sky Pirate emblem as a charm as recognition for your contribution to the Nadakhan analysis scene. By the way, I've got an upcoming fic update that not only shoves him through the analytical cheese grater AGAIN but also makes him suffer in very silly ways, so worry not, I'm still going strong ;) (oh, and the trick or treat thing? HILARIOUS. we've gotta bring that back next year.)

Also, regarding the crackfic - thank you so much! I'm glad you had a good time with it. It's been a few months now, but I was giggling like an idiot the entire time I was working on it. That's definitely a fun villain pair to write with, and I'm a little sad I didn't do MORE with them at the time. Both of them have major daddy issues, just different flavors, and then you pull in the whole royalty angle and how they both feel wronged by the world... I mean, sheesh. Lots of potential there even if it IS total crackfic. Enjoy your first viewing of part 2! I've seen it and it's delightful. Definitely a different flavor of crazy than my prediction fic, but so, so wonderful. You'll love it.

Thanks for the ask, and happy holidays!!

#lila speaks

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phantomarts · 1 year

Text

The beginning of Art and Friendship

With the return of @askthecookies in full swing (and seeing as these pieces arnt currently available anywhere since my old account got deleted) I figured this could be a fun time to go over my journey of not only my relation with the mod for cookie blog but the beginning of my journey into art in general, at least on the digital side.(Prepare for a LONG post)

So having gotten invested into the series a good few years into the series, what might have been the first item to act as the metaphorical spark towards this eventual friendship and starting of digital art? MEMEs!

Very simple stuff at first, cutting out the heads of cookie characters and posting them onto memes, some of you who have been around a while might remember the remake of one I made a few years back.

By here my OC had showed up a handful of times in the cookie verse from all the ask interactions, so some talking had started happening. As time went on, ideas for various extra gags came to mind that would require a bit more then just cut out heads, so I began to make very simple stick figures completely ripping off similar in style to cookie chibis seem at times.

Some of which not even being original backgrounds. As they began to get a bit more complex the model for the chibis evolved to be a bit more flexible and gags became more elaborate, even stemming into full blown comics at times, and by this point the mod and I were tossing ideas back and forth both for my gags, and their blog, some idea which even made it in as side gags, or even some story details. On some occasions even making some elaborate comics which worked as filler for when cookie mod needed some extra time for updates or long animations.

Art stuck to these figures for quite some time, I always thought they worked well for gags, but if I ever wanted to do a bit more serious or complex work they might not do the job. So at some point further in the future, I decided to make them a bit more complex, and this was just in time to make some larger scale side stories which ended up turning into a long running mini series to fill time as cookie mod took a break.

This simple gag somehow ended up turning into a long running strange side adventure involving Tangerine breaking out of the forth wall into Anon space for wacky misadventures, including meeting the @the-green-anon , @askbananapie an alternate tangerine from another universe! It was half way through this series where I would evolve the style a final time to polish it up a bit.

This series continued for a time until Tangy Mod had the series of incidents leading to their time away. This series continued for a time before falling off with its original purpose now gone. But with it fading out, the empty slot eventually made way for the series that was teased a few times throughout the fourth wall break series.

And thus began the run of the @askdarkriders . Even with Cookie Mod away, I would frequently update them with the adventures and gags made in this series, which seemed to have helped in eventually resparking their interest in finishing the cookies story again.

And there you have a short look at my fun little journey. Thanks for reading, and a big thanks to Cookie Mod for sparking the art journey and being a close friend, as well as all askers and interactors for helping all these stories and gags move along over the many years.

#PhantomArts #askthecookies #mods #tangymod #art #journey #history #old art #evolution #friendship

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kimhargreeves · 2 years

Text

Reunited-Ging Freecss x Reader (Hunter x Hunter)

Summary: On the hunt for a certain hunter who disappeared years ago you are forced to stop your trip and head back to Whale Island. (More will be updated on my ao3 account)

"How is life treating you Gon? I hope it's better than mine, though I'm sure you shouldn't be worrying about things since you have your friend with you. After all you've always been a boy who gets along with everyone. I'm still surprised at how far you've become! You are a hunter now and words can't describe my happiness. I'm sorry we had a short meeting back then but I promise that we'll see each other again soon."

I hummed to myself and finished writing the letter. We'll be seeing each other in a few months hopefully. I leaned back in my seat and glanced over to the window to my side, a lovely sunset fell across the city i was currently at.

"I better head over and deliver this letter or it'll never arrive on time." Speaking to myself as usual was when I got up and exited my room to head to the small familiar shop I've been countless of times.

As soon as I entered I was met with the kind old man sitting behind the counter, "Miss (Y/N)! Here to deliver another letter? You're brother must be lucky to have someone like you."

I smiled and handed the small envelope to him. "He's a really special boy. You see it hasn't been long since he became a hunter."

"A hunter?! How old is he?"

"He's around ten. Don't worry, I've been a hunter way longer than him!" I exclaimed and saw the old man confused.

"Longer than your brother?! What is your exact age then?"

I hummed and shook my head. "It's rude to ask a lady her name, let's just say I'm older than you might think."

The man sighed and smiles nonetheless, "I can't argue with you then. Oh! Now that I remember you received this." I looked back and saw him holding another blue colored envelope.

I took it from his hands and eagerly opened to read what it said. God knows foe how long he's had this with him, the poor man recently has been having trouble remembering most things. My dark eyes read what was written down on the letter.

"I've been fine don't worry! Killua and I have been training at Heaven's Arena, I finally mastered a bit of Nen, two people I met helped us out a lot. Yesterday I even had the chance to fight! Though, I'm sorry to say that I lost, but I've met many new friends! Killua and I are about to head back home, so don't be upset if you don't hear nothing from me! I know how much you work and I don't want to-"

"He's heading back home?!" I gritted my teeth and ripped the letter in my hands making the poor old man jump from his seat. I dug into my pockets and took out some money and handed it to him.

"I guess my visit was extremely short. I'll be back before you know it!"

The man smiled through his glasses and waved, "Safe travels Miss!"

With that I was running across the city to get the first ticket I could buy to head back home. Whale Island. It's been over two years since I last made it back, what's back at home anyways?!

I frowned and crossed my arms over my chest. I imagined Gon would head back to another one of his friends place, seems like he truly misses Mito and Grandmother. I rested my head on my seat and felt the boat I was in rocking back and forth. I groaned and felt my face turning green, I'm getting sea sick again.

Without a warning I jumped out of my seat and started to throw up all outside to the ocean ahead of me.

"Thank you for sailing with us! We hope we made the best out of your trip!" One of the ladies working at the boat exclaimed at all of us walking out. I groaned to myself and didn't feel like talking at the moment.

"Miss (Y/N)?! I didn't expect to see you again!" One of the fishermen noticed me and he genuinely seemed confused.

What is that supposed to mean? Did he seriously think I would abandon this dump?

"I decided to visit the family for a bit." I lied through my smile and waved at him.

"Well, you certainly haven't aged a bit. Welcome back to Whale Island then! I'm sure Gon will be happy to see you again."

I nodded my head and began to walk all up to the familiar house above the mountain. Due to some problem back at the boat we were delayed, so now the sun was setting. I'm sure my surprise will shock them.

The house seemed to get closer and closer the more I began to walk, and in just a few minutes I raced inside and opened the door wide. "Where's Gon?!"

Mito and Grandma stared at where I was standing. Both their expression turned from confused to happiness. "(Y/N)" Mito stammered my name and before I could say anything else she wrapped her arms around me.

I remained frozen not exactly being used to being hugged. I gently patted her back and waved at Grandma. "I see you both have been living well on your own."

"Yes, thank you for all the money you've been sending." Mito stood back and I stared back at her. "Gon and his friend arrived early this morning, don't worry he's out in the woods as usual."

"Here I'll bring you some tea!" Mito ran to the kitchen to fetch some tea for me. Grandma smiled sadly at me while I began to look around the house. Nothing seems to have changed yet I feel so weird being here.

Mito entered the room and both her and Grandma sat on the table since they forced me to not go and look for Gon. "We definitely didn't expect you to come, Gon told me you've been out helping him out. You saw him for only two days correct?"

It had been 1 year since I haven't seen before we saw each other briefly after he graduated one of the first parts of the hunter exam.

"You are correct."

"Have you been helping him with finding Ging?"

I gritted my teeth and turned my hands into fists. "No. I've been lying to him.."

Mito looked concerned at why I would lie. "But why-"

"He left this family! Do you really think I want my son to chase after his father who abandoned him?! I gave up on finding him many years ago, I could care less on what he's up to."

"(Y/N), you haven't exactly been present in Gon's life either." Grandma said making me shut up. I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest. She always likes to say how much of a teenager I like to act due to me being childish at times.

Grandma is Ging's grandmother not mine. She's seen the negative and positive side of both of us. "I'm not justifying on only you. Yes, you didn't abandon Gon like Ging did but you act more of a sister to your son."

I continued to remain silent. I hate to admit it but she's right. Mito has been playing the mother role for me all this time. I honestly don't care about Ging anymore but I'm still hurt that he abandoned me when I just had given birth to Gon.

Him continuing to be a hunter never stopped.

I was too young back then to see things clear, I regret many things but having Gon was never one of them.

Even if I don't want to, I must let Gon know the truth and everything I can remember about his father. I have to be a real mother now. All these years I've been putting a facade, back in the day I used to be so cheery and happy, making everyone's lives a bit happier. Later on I began tough to read, really showed any emotion and spoke bluntly.

I still remember Grandma teasing me a few years back when she started to see my son grow up.

"I still remember when you and Ging met. You used to follow him everywhere and tease him he would get all flustered and try to push you away." Was some words Grandma used to say along with-

"He definitely has your personality." She used to say when Gon started to grow up. That's what I love about him.

So I will say when he was growing up it was hard for me to even look at him since in appearances he looks nothing like me. I'll do my best to be present in his life.

"I'll go searching for him it's getting late." I excused myself and exited the house in search for my son.

I began to remember one of the many places he likes to stay. Above one of the waterfalls, so I began making my way to work.

"So what are you planning to do next?" I heard a voice say when I began to get closer, when I picked my head out I noticed Gon was with another boy.

"Well, I'll be going to Yorknew to find my father."

"I'm coming with you then. I'm quite jealous of you actually."

"Hmm how so?"

"Well, you have a nice family..tell me how is your mother?" His friend asked.

I froze in my spot for shivers, oh I hope he doesn't say anything weird! I glanced back and saw Gon hum before he smiled and kept staring up the beautiful sky.

"Hmm she's a hard woman to figure out..but she's extremely strong! Sure, she wasn't exactly the one who raised me but I respect her nonetheless. I don't blame her if she didn't want to stay, she was doing the best she could to raise me on her own."

Tears began to flow down my face and before I knew it I began to quietly sniff. I wiped my tears and felt a pang in my heart, I didn't expect Gon to say that about me.

I calmed myself down and began to step out of my hiding spot, making both boys look back surprised. "M-Mom?!" Gon looked at me all happy.

"Hello my son." I waved and smiled. Gon smiled wide and jumped up on his feet and pounced over me, he had a strong grip around my waist. I hesitated for a bit but I gave in and hugged him back.

"She's you're mom?!" The boy next to Gon exclaimed looking very much surprised.

It was getting a bit chilly so I made both boys enter back home. Mito had finished dinner and I was cleaning the place up and organizing Gon's room. I watched him pacing back and forth with a smile on his face while his friend was making himself comfortable in the room.

"So, how long will you be staying?" I spoke up making Gon look back at me.

"Maybe a month. After that I'm going to look for Dad." I frowned not exactly happy at what he desired. Mito came over to me and handed me the one item I was never able to open, a small box.

"This is something Ging left. He only said to give it to you once you became a Hunter."

"My dad left this for me?" Gon looked down at the box.

I patted at the seat next to me. "I think it's time I tell you all I know about your father." Gon slowly took a seat in front of me and patiently waited for me to speak.

"Ging is Mito's cousin, not his sister like you mostly believed. Grandma as you know stills speaks fondly of him…"

"The first memory I had of your father was back when I was studying, a few kids who live close to me used to tease me often, I would always cry and go to my parents but nothing was solved. That's until one day your father stepped up to those kids who had pushed me down on the dirt, he's always been hard to read but the first thing I knew when I saw him was that he would be my best friend. I remember him getting a bit annoyed at me following him around often, though he got used to it after time. To not make things longer, soon enough he left for the hunter exam but never quite made it clear what he wanted."

Gon continued to remain silent. "A later on I had you and after that I too left the island to take the hunters exam. It wasn't easy for me at all but I did everything I could to become a hunter, for the first few years I began to ask if anyone had seen your father but got no response. I've been jumping from place to police ever since not because I wanted to find him, i gave up on that a while ago. I continued moving forward because of you, so we could have enough money to eat."

Mito also began fill in on the rest alongside Grandma. I noticed Gon staring at the small box in his hands, "I'm sorry I lied to you about all of this."

Gon placed the box in his lap staring at me with not a frown but with a smile. "Ging! Mom! I want you to tell me everything about him, what else was he liked when little?! Mito, you can tell me too!!"

"Well, Mito and I used to follow him everywhere. Mito would often get lost in the woods so Ging would go look for her and always knew exactly where she was. I always remained behind holding onto his hand even when he tried to pull it back."

I couldn't help but blush at the innocent and loving memory. We spent hours talking and I was growing tired and Gon continued father. "Gon, it's getting late it's time for your bedtime."

"Ahh but I'm not little anymore."

I gave him an angry look and Gon shrieked and raced off to bed. I smiled to myself and followed him into his bedroom. I opened the door and noticed his friend fast asleep, Gon was already getting ready to rest up.

"We can talk tomorrow early if you want." I hummed and noticed he had the box laying on his chest. I sadly smiled at him and patted his head, "I was never able to open that box, so I do hope you'll be able to."

"Do you still love him?"

I took a sharp breath since I certainly didn't expect Gon to ask me that. I stared back and him and all I could see was Ging. I tried to smile but couldn't.

"Goodnight, son. I'll see you tomorrow bright and early."

"Goodnight Mom." Gon whispered and waved a little. I smiled at him and quietly closed the door, I fell down at my knees once I was on the other side. I was met by silence and the quiet sound of the fireplace in the room.

#hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter fanfic #gon freecss #ging freecss #ging freecss x reader

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pagesofkenna · 2 years

Text

one of the librarians at work the other day asked me my pronouns and I started thinking of my journey from identifying as a straight girl in highschool who was openly homophobic but trying to be a nice person about it, to identifying as a genderless bi-ace person who has to consciously swat aside both internalized homophobia and a casual disinterest in relationships-in-general to admit attraction for other afab people

and then I started thinking about how this journey basically all happened on tumblr, and because I've always talked about myself constantly I basically liveblogged my way through it??

so I started digging through my own blog archives and I'm gonna compile the posts I find here. this is basically a callout post for myself lol

(Starting dates - I left High School in June 2010, spent the '10-'11 school year almost completely alone and friendless. Met up with some friends in July 2011 who introduced me to Tumblr, and I made an account. Made some Tumblr friends. Started reading Homestuck beginning of 2012 (this is relevant).)

February 28 2012 - "Am I the only weirdo who doesn't think Troll Relationships are that confusing?" I tagged this post with "i like how he defined moirallegience" and follow it up with a post days later about how much I love the concept of moirails (aka platonic lifepartners. I'll talk for years about how jealous I am of queerplatonic relationships)

March 9 2012 - This incredibly embarrassing Sherlock post I actually stole and reposted (??? remember when asks used to not be rebloggable) about how I (and the person whose post I stole) didn't ship those characters because I hated the idea that people couldn't be close important friends unless sex was involved. I'm only including this post because 1) it's clear this was from the time period when I was trying to be less homophobic but obviously failing, and 2) I talk about only shipping characters when it's obvious they're going to get together, like... kid you're ace...

April 4 2012 - I finish catching up with Homestuck and am reading the regular upd8s (originally I'd linked the wrong post, here). I reblogged this DirkJake fanart on April 26 - from my commentary it's clear I was trying to be 'haha cute but not in a gay way!' about it which continues to be embarrassing

June 28 2012 - This is the first post I can find on my blog that mentions asexuality, and it's not even that kind of asexuality (Bill Nye is talking about how reproduction works). I don't remember having a big Asexual Awakening so I'm trying to figure out when I first heard the term at least, and it was sometime this summer at the very latest

July 9 2012 - Homestuck posts the [S] Dirk: Synchronize/Unite updates, which apparently I watched/read while babysitting rip. A lot of complicated feelings go into this! It's the moment I officially start shipping DirkJake, and I tagged this liveblog with "I'm kind of freaking out" to completely undersell what my brain was actually going through at that moment lol. I'm including this because this was a big step for me and also ties into my asexual awakening. Before this I'd gone through a process from 'homosexuality is a sin' to 'I can accept gay people, but I can't support their gayness' and was, blessedly, not liveblogging my process evolving from that. Realizing that I might be ace, that my indifference to sex and romance was a me thing and not a moral failing of everyone else, was a huge part of that. Another huge part was the fact that I latch onto depictions of people having crushes (which I attribute to my asexuality; its the longing, not the relationship necessarily, that moves me). When this update went live, I could not emotionally distinguish the joy I felt for this gay character from the joy I would have felt for a straight character - and thus, hypothetically, as a person who didn't really do crushes, the joy a gay person must feel from the joy a straight person must feel - and it made me reanalyze a lot of things.

August 7 2012 - I liveblogged myself watching a movie that would lead to me making friends with a girl who would eventually be the first girl I have a crush on (who wasn't a celebrity)

September 14 2012 - The first post I can find that I reblogged that uses the term Asexual (as in the sexuality). My tags on this post are hilarious, watch the joke sail miles over my head lol. It's clear I must have known about Asexuality by this point and started identifying with the term soonafter, though I don't record when that happens

October 12 2012 - I tried as respectfully as possible to ask, 'as a cis person', what trans people were identifying with. It's amusing now as both an honest look at the process of shifting the notions we'd been raised with, and as an example of me not yet having the language and self-awareness to say that I had no internal gender.

November 13 2012 - Someone asked about my sexual orientation and I said I'm 'heterosexual with asexual tendencies' like a fool. Past!me was so missing the point, that poor child. From what I can remember from that time, I had crushes on male celebrities, and occasionally thought about sex as an abstract or hypothetical, and figured 'yes this is what normal Straight People think' despite the fact that I had no desire to actually pursue a sexual relationship (and I was also consciously celibate - I was 19 at this point, still very active in my church, and I had honestly thought my disinterest in sex was just because of how good I was at the 'no sex before marriage' rule)

January 11 2013 - I made a textpost asking for anyone to explain 'Gender' to me and literally no one responds. Valid.

(Sometime early 3013 I start working at Target, my first real job. )

February 14 2013 - I breezed over the massive crush I had on Allison Paige by declaring Gigi Darcy (the character she played) as my valentine for the year. In fact I made a bunch of posts about her that year, this is just the highlight (I didn't consciously acknowledge this as a crush; I called her my 'girlsquish'. Looking back it was totally a crush, and everyone who didn't call me out for it at the time is a saint).

June 25 2013 - I made a readmore textpost basically saying 'I'm going to keep calling myself female because that's the only thing I've ever called myself, but I don't understand why anyone should have to be one or the either'. In this post I allude to a message I'd gotten weeks previous, which I never responded to publicly and cannot find in my inbox now. That message, from an incredibly patient friend, asked 'wouldn't you get upset if people started calling you a boy, or referred to you as a man??' I remember that as my 'aha' moment because... no, I wouldn't, because if everyone called me a boy then even if nothing in my body changed I would be a boy (because my gender had more to do with how people saw me than how I felt)

July 20 2013 - I reblogged this video about BMO and gender roles. This on its own wasn't a huge revelation, but there's a series of posts I reblogged this summer/fall about characters I adored and identified with, who I started to realize were genderqueer (see also this post about Hana Kimi 2011, which I was watching at the time (I express gratitude for a character who doesn't see the big deal with another character's gender reveal), this fanart of Momiji Fruits Basket, this post about Haruhi Ouran High School, and this essay on Hanji Zoe, under which I admit to loving Hanji because of their gender ambiguity. I'll talk more about Hanji further down, but I want to point out that if I hadn't realized I was asexual, I wouldn't have been able to categorize my feelings for them as a crush).

September 18 2013 - The first post I reblogged that I tagged with my secret crush tag. Around this time I realized I had a crush on a girl I was tumblr friends with - I was way too scared to ever tell her, and we lived too far away for anything to come of it. I characterized her as a fox and myself as a duck - incompatible, with the very real risk of me getting eaten alive. I made dozens of posts about her in November (the height of the crush, I think?) and by the next June we'd stopped talking to each other entirely. Looking back, I was probably way more obvious than I'd thought, and she might have been trying to dissuade the crush, but 2014 was a rough year for me and this friendship ending was a big part of it.

(January 2014 I leave home for University for the first time, have what I style as "the worst year of my life." Looking back I can see that all my gender stuff was happening that year, so, woof, that was a lot to be working through.)

January 4 2014 - I wrote a long textpost about how I thought my conscious decisions to not date and not have sex had effected my ability to recognize my own sexuality. I ended by tentatively defining myself as 'bi-romantic gray-ace'. Then I followed this up with another textpost about the massive crush I had on fictional character Hanji Zoe. I refer to my feelings as 'aromantic/sexual' and I'm not sure if I meant 'aromantic/asexual' or 'aromantic + sexual' but I probably was being intentionally vague because UHH FOLKS it was definitely sexual (I've since thought a lot about how the sexual crushes I get are only ever on nonexistent/unapproachable people, like fictional characters or celebrities) Later I got a message that prompted more discussion on celibacy and asexuality, and labels.

January 18 2014 - I made another textpost about how important Hanji's gender was to me, in which I admit that I didn't feel comfortable talking about my own gender at that time

February 13 2014 - I made a textpost regarding pronouns, in which I say that I'm still not emotionally prepared to talk about my own gender ("every time I start thinking about it I just nope") but state that I don't care what pronouns people use for me, and I hadn't cared in years

February 14 2014 - Facebook had made a change allowing you to define your gender as something other than 'male' and 'female', and I made this post complaining about the limitation of options. Essentially, I had no problem saying what my sex was, but none of the gender markers seemed to apply. Eventually I changed my Facebook label to 'gender nonconforming' (and, later, 'agender'). (I also briefly mention the fact that it took me years to be comfortable referring to myself as 'female sex', and that learning about gender had helped me feel comfortable with that identity. I'm honestly surprised to find that comment; I was poorly attempting to say that I struggled with femininity all my life, and that learning I didn't have to be female-gender as an adult had made being female-sex easier.)

February 27 2014 - A short textpost I made complaining about how gender didn't make sense ("i dont know how to relate to posts that talk about it").

May 31 2014 - I reblogged this short post and made a joke that I "turned off gender whenever people weren't paying attention"

June 14 2014 - I got a message asking how I identified. I responded that I was "asexual or graysexual" and over-explained that I didn't feel sexual attraction and "I'm not even ready to be in a relationship yet so I don't really think about it much" (friends I was 21 years old). This is also the first time I openly acknowledged I was biromantic to another person (after tentatively using that label in January). I also talk about how I don't understand gender ("gender just seems arbitrary"), and how I'd realized the previous September that 'gender' might "actually be an actual thing that actual people have and feel... and I don't feel it." I state that 'she' 'he' or 'they' pronouns are all fine with me.

July 16 2014 - I wrote a very frustrated rant about how I couldn't figure out 'Gender', saying that since it's a 'social construct' is it not 'real'? Is it a Tangible Thing? A friend responded and likened gender to more of a 'Force', which I responded to here, saying that made much more sense to me (making an analogy to imaginary numbers, "they're only imaginary because we can't quantify them properly").

August 26 2014 - Post in its entirety reads "About me: Gender Edition. Gender: N/A. Pronouns: English." After dancing around it for over a year I believe this is the first time I actually state that I'm agender (or, practically so). I make a few more posts for the next year expressing frustration at sex vs gender terminology but from at least this point forward I'm very openly agender and nonbinary.

(also September 14 2014 - I wrote about how I was "raised pretty gender neutral." I talked about my four older brothers and how my mom didn't make a lot of attempts to raise me 'girly'. I also talk about trying to be a feminist and realizing I didn't notice media sexism because I always identified with male protagonists just as easily as female. My mom later privately responded to this post and made the argument that she raised all her children pretty 'neutrally', inasmuch as she could, which honestly she makes a great case for.)

#about me #i might update this later if I find more #for now I've dug through what I can dig through and I'm embarrassed and delighted in turns #I wanted to look at the timeline and it really is me joining tumblr and quietly working on internalized homophobia for a year #then me figuring out amatonormativity for like six months #im still shocked i never made a 'huh thinking about it' post re: asexuality #and then a year and a half of me slowly addressing transphobia and dissecting gender on the hunt for my own #also now i know i was fully 21 when i started IDing as agender and i didnt realize it was that early?? my first year at BYUI??#I know it would be a while longer before I started using 'nonbinary' and years before 'trans'

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snuffbomb-awareness · 2 years

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xXAmLuvsXx Summarized.

Keep in mind just like the Nadzarki situation/Summary I did, I am doing my best to simplify the information to key points. I might even forget some information, as it's a LOT.

(I do have the Doc links to both situations for others to read on, but let's keep this post an OVERLY UNDERSTATED summary!)

----

-One, while yes, was at first given the ok to go to remake clockwork, something happened to make clockworks creator change their mind. Out of respect, one would be sad, upset, respect someone's wishes and stop. (like lets not forget clockworks creator has/had to deal with so much harassment for just having their oc shipped with toby. to the point they no longer can work on clockwork as it causes severe anxiety and panic attacks. Something I relate too.)

XxAmLuvsxX HOWEVER, Keeps going on with their remake, even stating they knew they were ripping off clockwork at this point and calling them "Time-lapse" .

-When xXAmLuvsXx went to update Time Lapse, they ended up being called out for stealing clockworks' updated design to remake Time Lapse. To the point where it was obvious that xXAmLuvsXx was purposely going out of their way to steal clockwork over all and "make her better" (rude.) Yet kept most of clockwork's story plots. so like..?

xXAmLuvsXx did admit on livestream to stealing this redesign as well.

-xXAmLuvsXx then lies about a friend dying of cancer to try to get well, sympathy while excusing them using that situation to write in TL's story.

-While we are at it, xXAmLuvsXx decides to also harass clockwork's creator but make this thing.

"Forcing Clockwork to bow." Again at this point, xXAmLuvsXx was actively ignoring Clockwork's creators wishes and was 100% fine with doing something like this to just add salt to the wound. Not the only artwork like this, they made on where clockwork is beating xXAmLuvsXx up and her oc steps in to K**l her. OH and another like this:

(Ok cool, I'm down to make AU ships but this is clearly just shitty behavior) - xXAmLuvsXx Would also harass ANYONE who drew clockwork.

-and WAIT there is MORE: Lets add, stealing another OC! This time a fan's child version of Toby. Yay!

-Toby's creator then, you know, not wanting this person to draw Toby since they were actively harassing their close friend. Of course xXAmLuvsXx doesn't care and won't listen. Ironic because Toby's creator actually reached out to help out xXAmLuvsXx when they were going through personal ab**sse but xXAmLuvsXx couldn't be bothered.

-after getting called out(first time), xXAmLuvsXx tried to play "this drama is too much, cant we be friends?" Including making ship art of clockwork and time lapse. -Moving on, She makes a black oc, who is trans then also called them a d/y/k/e, using many black stereotypes to make this oc, INCLUDING using the HARD R N-word. I remember seeing those, but I don't think anyone had time to grab SS. -Oh and is she done ab*ssing Clockwork? NOPE. Draws her OC getting R**ped by Clockwork. (the picture is also my header tho MEME'd) She then Laughs off people getting rightfully upset over this drawing. -xXAmLuvsXx MADE a hate Instagram account and attacked others OCs HARSHLY!! Just full on hate account. Think 2013 "ranting community" -Clockworks creator isn't the only one harassed, she also harassed another calling her things like "Bimbo" "Bimbopasta" etc Incase at this point you are wonder. "Wow this is shit but where does this end up?" WELP NOW I must get into the harder topics. Again i'm doing my best to summarize and i'm fully need to state that this IS being under explained by me. -xXAmLuvsXx Starts sending P**rn to minors! YEP. Time Lapse and Toby p**n Art, to a minor. ALSO flitting with said minor while at it but "Respecting the fact you aren't into woman" She then sends a picture of a P*rnstar to this same minor. (who for that time is 12 years old and lasted years) -She makes this same (at the time 13 year old) send her money to GO to a concert. of course not for free. It would be a commission, where xXAmLuvsXx instant suggested a NSFW commission. -At some point, xXAmLuvsXx got n*des from another person (not a minor) and threated to leak them if they didn't do what she wanted. (Which was PERSONAL information) -Then xXAmLuvsXx sends more NSFW to minors. (one being a 16 year old, who asked her to stop.) -Back to the 13 year old, xXAmLuvsXx tries to gaslight, and emotionally manipulate them "I thought they where a friend I could trust :( " -xXAmLuvsXx had also a private NSFW insta, that she TAGGED a minor (rping as clockwork) in. ONCE AGAIN, also of R**pe art with NO warnings for those sensitive to said topics. -THen sends stuff to a group chat filled with minors (14-17). Srsly WOMAN you are an ADULT! Find ADULT friends! Though you are an danger to minors and have proven you DON'T care. - MY GOD, This WOMAN! Then starts FAKING (proven) Game ending, and weaponizing S*lf H*rm. (She would use both repeatedly to keep friends under her control) One image she sent of her SH was off of google images. Then TRIES to blame the minor she groomer for her game ending! Or attempted to frame it this way. -This:

This time she also posted pictures with a knife and more threats of Selfdeletion... oh, and threatens to harm friends who try to reach out to help (even after all this shit) -weaponizes her own ab*se, stating "even though im a survivor of ___ and ab___." To try to avoid accountability. -She also started to steal (rather lie) money, and states she would need it for food, but in reality it was for cosplays or concerts! (also once again some of these ppl being minors) There is A LOT MORE! But honestly going through this again to write this all down (AND YET STILL ALOT, im sorry) There is SOOO many things, too much for me to list. I'm already feeling mentally drained thing and revisiting all this. TLDR: xXAmLuvsXx is a narssistic abuser, not ashamed of gr**ming Minors, Threaten, harassing and ab*sing anyone. Does NOT respect boundaries. and will weaponize SelfH*rm, Self deletion and their Ab*se and r*pe to avoid accountability. Is fine using slur like the hard N-word, F-Slur, etc.

#creepypasta #TRIGGER WARNING #FOR THE LOVE OF GOD #r*pe tw #Gr**ming TW #Self H TW #xXAmLuvsXx #clockwork #time lapse #creepypasta fandom

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the-type-a · 2 years

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Idc what anyone says, the way this fandom was thriving back in 2008-2012 was insane. I have never seen more content, more friendships, and more drama. Everyone was so active on fb, yt, DA, FF.net, FanPop, etc. When we had group chats on some website I don’t even remember; I just know you entered your name and chose your color, but someone always had to make it and send invitations first. We had forums on Cartoon Network’s site. We had quizzes, polls, and stories on quizilla (rip). I don’t even know if DA still has this feature but we also had stories on there, not to mention all the clubs! We would edit so many screenshots on picnik!! Fb continues to be somewhat active but I mean when we were able to have group chats after joining a group, or when everyone had their own TD account. When we would have our own TD yt accounts and correlate our profile video to our background. When we had the longest “about you” on there with all of our friends tagged in it. When we actively voted on fanpop on almost any little thing. When we were all reading our favorite fanfics and they were actually being updated. Nothing will beat that.

#total drama

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blueheavensims · 2 years

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Check-in tag

I was tagged by @gphoenixsims.! Thank you kindly.

• Why did you choose your url?

So, way way back in the late ‘00s, I was still on Sim Trek 2 Boldy Go (RIP), and creating my first Sims 2 Story, Blue Heaven Sims. I wanted to extract a few of the Sims to share, and so I made a new home for them, originally a Blogspot blog called Blue Heaven Sims. It seemed appropriate, and as I created more, unrelated content and Sim Trek 2 was soon shuttered, I needed a home for it all. The name had what the kids these days call “brand recognition”, and since it wasn’t broke, I didn’t fix it. I created a tumblr account for personal stuff I think around 2014, but never used it (this is my primary) and created the secondary account to promote my work and that of other Sims 2 creators.

• How long have you been on tumblr?

Since August of 2018. I came to the party late. Right before the Tumblrpocalapyse, in fact.

• Do you have a queue tag?

No.

• Why did you start your blog in the first place?

More visibility. I try to keep an eye on which types of the content I create are popular, which get more downloads, and so on. Publishing updates on Sims Cave wasn’t really pulling in the new visits to my blogs, so decided to try this new site that all the kids were talking about.

• Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It’s me chilling with Ophelia, my tortoiseshell goddess.

• Why did you choose your header?

I didn’t.

• What’s your post with the most notes?

I had to research it, because my memory’s a bit cloudy. It’s the Comfort Me Too posebox, with 148 notes. The note thing can be super deceptive, honestly. Typically, my original creations garner around 20-30 notes, whereas derivative content (bodyshape conversions of other creators’ outfits, reposes of janky poseboxes, etc.) tend to do much better. The vast majority of my content is niche, typically made for one specific genre of game (the Midnight at… series, Combate Moderno, Merrie Minstrels, Barbarians at the Gate, etc.) whereas the content that seems to be really popular is 4t2 clothing conversions and Maxis Match hair recolors where one creator’s post is almost indistinguishable from the next.

• How many mutuals do you have?

Probably fewer than I should, honestly. I have a few people who I engage with frequently and I care a great deal for; they know who they are.

• How many followers do you have?

600 and some change. Tumblr nerfed a bunch of bot and inactive followers recently, but I’m slowly approaching 650 again.

• How many people do you follow?

251. I only follow Sims 2 blogs.

• Have you ever made a shitpost?

No.

• How often do you use tumblr each day?

I check it a few times a day. I post content 2-4 times a week, and occasionally make reply posts, comment on friends’ posts or rant.

• Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

A few. I have a reputation (deserved or not) of not putting up with anyone else’s bullshit. I had, not exactly a fight, but a disagreement with MDP a while ago. I don’t remember exactly what it was about. Probably not of very much consequence. There was the time I stood up for Nobe (devotedlyghostlyenemy) when someone called her a bunch of names for converting a teen crop top to for children. Yes, there are still people like that on tumblr.

I have a PM of telling Klira to pound sand after she PM’d me to ask me not to remake her janky poseboxes. I have the screenshot saved to my desktop.

I had a funny exchange with the “underwear anon” a few months back; I’m pretty sure that I got the better end of that one.

I’ve jumped into a couple of pissing matches about Patreon content creators for TS2 having their content redistributed and that Brazilian site that was redistributing free content, I had a few things to say during the discussion about Cindy/PleasantSims’ Discord, and I’ve called out a few people who were bullying other creators.

But Tumblr is the tip of the iceberg. I’ve been active in the community (not just tumblr) for 15 years now, and for better or worse I’ve interacted with a lot of people. For a complete history of me not putting up with other peoples’ bullshit, THIS post is worth reading (sorry; it hasn’t been updated with the latest crap about the Sims Crafters Discord yet: I’m working on it).

• How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

The only correct answer is “No the fuck I don’t.”

• Do you like tag games?

Yeah. It depends on the tag game, really, but most of the time they’re fun and I’m happy when my friends tag me.

• Do you like ask games?

Yes. I don’t get a whole lot of asks, but I’m happy to respond when I receive them.

• Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I try not to compare my work to the “big names”; obviously they’ve been here longer, create more mainstream content, and have much more ample follower bases. Without access to the follower counts of every single mutual I have, I’d be hard-pressed to provide a response.

• Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I’m a boring old married person. I don’t have crushes.

Tagging: I think most of the folks I follow have already gone. Ummm… @nixedsims, @criminalmiik, @iamg-knee maybe? If it’s not your thing, I’ll happily fuck off.

#replies #smeg

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thoughtsofadyingsoftwaredev · 5 months

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Hello, Tumblr world! For some reason I am drawn to you in the Fall season. My last post was just over a year ago… sorry about that. Not that you, my lovely reader, care - and that is IF anyone reads this! I won't lie I don't care if people read these or not, this is essentially an online journal for me at this point, ha.

So, what's new with me lately, you might ask? Well, I'll break it down:

Still happy with our house. We've made gradual updates to it since moving in, including redoing some old flooring with some new vinyl faux-wood looking stuff. Super nice. Also replaced an old toilet in the process. Next we're eyeballing a bathtub upgrade for one of the bathrooms and big landscaping changes to our back yard.

Got promoted at work to Senior Software Engineer after 3 years. Not bad turnaround time for that title change, in my opinion. My responsibilities shifted from managing the IAM software to managing our search experience for the many different applications we provide.

This primarily means I'm responsible for drafting search document schemas, working with these other teams to get answers on questions they refuse to provide answers to without me having to ask first, and handling the logic for ingesting hundreds of thousands of items of varying types to different search engines. In my 3.5 years of working here, I have enjoyed the challenges of the job. Of course, it's not without it's awful days or days where my head is screeching, but the good days outweigh the bad for me.

Wife and I are still on speaking terms. That's my way of saying we're both as good and happy with each other as ever lol she's my best friend. We both got super interested in NFL this season and watch every Monday and Thursday game and watch Minnesota (wife's favorite team) on Sundays. RIP Vikings post-Cousins injury.

That's about all I can think of life-wise. My 31st birthday was a few weeks ago, and I feel old as shit sometimes LOL I look in the mirror and I see what seems like new wrinkles in new places, my hair is graying in small parts, and I find it hard to stay up late. It's 1:04AM right now and I find this to be the upper range of my limits lol

I had a dream recently that my wife and I died in a freak accident at some theme park (not a specific one, just some weird abstract dreamy one) - from what I can remember we were on what we thought was part of a ride, but what ended up happening is we both fell to our deaths.

After we died, we both were floating over family and friends as spirits, watching our bodies get carried in open caskets. For some reason, I had two huge pieces of hair that went down both sides of my face (this is nowhere near what my hair looks like so no idea why this was).

At first, when I woke up, I kinda had to laugh at it. The overall sequence of events was a bit silly. But I found myself thinking more and more about it throughout today. Who will care if I die? Not in a "bad thoughts" kinda way, but genuinely - what kind of footprint am I leaving in this world? Will people know or care that I die? Probably not, and I think ultimately I'm fine with that, but the dream gave me pause and kinda fucked with me today haha.

Can I tell you a secret Tumblr? I have a burner Facebook account that I use to see how my old friends are doing. I am very anti-social media, and as part of that, have no real ways of keeping up with people from previous parts of my life aside from those who have my cell or email, so this gives me an outlet to see how friends I've made over the years are doing now.

Some of them never left my hometown, which kinda bums me out, because when I think of my time there, I couldn't imagine having stayed. But I have to consider that they may really love the place and have strong ties to it. I don't want to sound mean when I say that, but it's just a very small, quiet town that seems like a place you'd stay if you decided not to attend university or a trade school. And that's perfectly okay, too.

Some are thriving, too! A very good friend of mine recently got married, and I'm thrilled for him. I remember late nights at college talking with him outside of his dorm in the night air, rocking back and forth in a rocking chair, like the ones you see at Cracker Barrel. We'd talk philosophy, religion, girls, music, and much more. He's an awesome, genuinely kind hearted person and I'm glad to see he's doing well. He's not the only one, there are others who are all out there doing their thing, so to speak. I can't say why, but seeing these people I've known at some points in their lives doing well makes me incredibly happy.

Music is always a wonderful memory and hobby for me. Music is what brought most of my friends I've made and I together. I recently started playing guitar again (thank you Rocksmith 2014) and it has been a blast! I recently acquired a dream guitar of mine for awhile now: a Surf Green Fender MIM Strat. I fucking love it.

Piano is still on hiatus and has been for many, many years. I think it might intimidate me a bit. I eventually will have to bite the bullet and revisit it. I plan on using ABRSM resources to find some appropriate pieces for where I'm currently at. I'm hoping I can ramp back up to SOMEWHERE close to where I was when I went to school for music. I realize it may take years, but I think if I devote myself to it, I can achieve it. Honestly the hardest thing will be getting that dexterity back and remembering scales/fingerings/etc. Hopefully by the time I post next, I can report back with some success on that front!

Hobby coding-wise, I'm starting a new project using a new stack (for me): Java (Spring), Vue, and Postgres. My goal is to create a web application for Veterinarians offices for administrative use. This app will handle invoicing, communications with patients, store pet/owner data, store data regarding prescriptions, surgeries, etc., and probably more I'm forgetting. It's a lot of moving pieces, but it presents a fun challenge on both front-end and back-end, and frankly I've seen the most popular competition (Avimark) and it looks like dogshit. So my plan is to work on this for the foreseeable future, get an MVP up, snoop around my local area and see if anyone is interested in testing it out. This will be a long-term project, though. I have some ramping up to do with Vue as I have not used it since it was still in v1.0, so many things have changed!

Started watching Frieren and that shit kicks ass! The music, the animation, the art style. Only 4 episodes in, but it is easily top 5 anime.

JJK Season 2 has been fucking insane. It started off so crazy, I ended up binge reading the manga up until the end of the Shibuya Incident and holy shit. Seeing the Yuuji vs Choso fight animated was a fucking masterpiece!

Games-wise, I've been deep into WoW classic and FFXIV. FFXIV has always been my go-to, but lately I've been doing WoW and I love the customization that is possible within a class (priests, wars, etc builds can vary wildly and that's awesome!).

And I think that's all I've got! I've been drafting this post for the past 20 minutes-ish. I have to start winding down for today. This may be my longest post so far? Not sure, I'll compare it to my others word count-wise after this and confirm!

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nicetrynicetry · 6 months

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Friday is a write-off, spent sleeping and waiting for the eurostar and then eventually waiting to get off the eurostar. I walk through King’s Cross at sundown smiling, even though someone on Twitter is saying I should be executed for signing an open letter asking for a ceasefire in the Middle East. I love my cluster of friends who suffer the wrath of the platform now known as X on my behalf and send me the headlines, but occasionally ignorance is bliss. I know this from systematically deleting every story I’m mentioned in that houses footage of me playing on stage. My weird body and pained singing face, though competent, have no place in my periphery. Picture a woman leading shabbos, which it happens to be as I walk home in the last sliver of sun, covering her eyes to sing the prayer: that’s me

I hear from N sporadically, who has travelled to LA to officiate a wedding. At busy times like these we write each other during bowel movements, from the safety of the stall. “If things are going so well”, we say, “why do I feel so shitty?” I round the corner to my house, the first time I have arrived to it from abroad, and am looking forward to having more time with N. I worry for her family in Israel and that the online hate and pressure got so grim that she deactivated Instagram. I find myself checking the app looking specifically for her newest photos and remember they are gone. E asks to call about our music video and after I’ve showered we talk. Halloween is coming up and I suggest that as a renowned makeup and prosthetics artist this is her time to shine. “That’s true, it is”, she says, and has tasked herself with doing the face paint for two kids who live in her building

The next couple of days are obligation-free, and I enjoy this for exactly 12 hours before crying out for structure. I dunk my body into cold water each morning and work as usual. I face some bureaucracy: home insurance, collecting royalties from my album, check that my taxes are up to date after last month’s terror. I update my laptop, my Google chrome, and finally walk to a local community centre to collect my free recycling bags. C comes over on Sunday and I don’t know if I’ve ever been happier to see him. He asks my thoughts on a Facebook mystery: a friend of his posted a framed black and white photo of her 4 year old daughter with candle next to it on the mantelpiece. “Forever in our hearts”, says the caption. 11 likes, 6 comments. Is this child dead or not? asks C, and says he sees none of the hallmark Facebook responses to grief on the photo (crying emojis, RIPs). The plot thickens when he shows me that the woman posted, 6 days later, a photo of a pub in Winchester with Halloween decorations littering its facade: a friendly inflatable ghost, two pumpkins. We debate whether there is a version of grief after the premature death of one’s child that includes the celebration of Halloween, whether the Facebook post was accidentally maudlin when it meant to be sincere. I tell him I still think the child is dead, but that ultimately I don’t know how death works on Facebook because I haven’t had an account since 2013

By Sunday evening, C has been on a first date with an art lecturer and thanks me for mentioning Phillip Guston when he came over because it made him sound cultured. V texts to say an art advisor who recently flipped my work died in her sleep. We agree that this is a nice way to go, and wonder whether drugs were to blame. The email announcement asks that the family be granted their privacy as though the advisor was famous enough to be hounded by reporters. It reminds me of when content creators issue apology videos to their small number of followers to make it seem like they are addressing a global audience

At night a squirrel who attempts to access my garden’s new bulbs 24/7 approaches my open palm and touches my finger before scurrying away. This is the second time this has happened, and both are magical. The nuns two door down from me have been feeding the squirrels peanuts in their shells for decades, making for a more brazen genre of critter. The foxes at my studio, too, are outgoing. Though this is more out of desperation than of greed. I wonder whether the universe is telling me to attempt pet ownership again, or whether it’s telling me that this is as close to animals as I should ever get. Life is nuts, and then you die in your sleep

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rosecoloredknight · 7 months

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Sarah

Anon,

I have to be honest, that name made me think of the only Sarah I've known in my life. At least so far. We're no longer friends— that's not a correct way to put it because I have absolutely no resentment towards her? I actually appreciate her or who i knew then? Aghh, I'm not making sense. What I am trying to say is that we are no longer a part of each other's life. But that's okay!! It's just something that happened? Do i miss them? Am i getting sad thinking about them? YES, Yes. That's why I was and am so confused about this ask. Do i answer this? HOW DO I ANSWER THIS?

Sooooo I then spent like twenty minutes scrolling through my blog to see if i reblogged an ask game that had names on it just in case? WAIT —okay, i checked again and nothing?

..Was this more of a 'talk about the Sarah's or Sarah I know' thing? I feel rude and intrusive speaking about someone without their permission or knowledge :/ but I know I have a "right" to speak about whatever and whomever — SIGH.

I think she blocked me, which again i was okay with because i think i asked her to, plus she has a right to do so if she wanted to, BUT

Sarah if you ever see this and you want this deleted, just let me know 👍🏼

Full disclosure, people grow and are not necessarily who they were in the past. This is my recollection or perspective of how i saw them and knew them then.

First off, she was smart, thoughtful, well opinionated if I may add, funny, FUN, a dork and supportive. She was one of my best friends 😊😊

One thing about our friendship that i loved so much was that we didn't have to force anything. It was or at least, for me, it felt so easy to talk to them about anything.

I stll remember that time she told me, "when i say im here for you i don't want you to say okay and never reach out. i want you to message me." Something like that. I appreciated that accountability so much because it was true. Some people say that and don't mean it and some people say okay but don't reach out. She taught me accountability when it came to wanting each other involved and being there for each other when able to.

She's super artistic and creative!? she crotched two stuffed animals!? She's an excellent baker!! I miss her cookies so much. She bought me insomnia cookies? And as much as i appreciate it and enjoyed them, NONE of them compared to the homemade cookies she sent. Yummm.

I'm someone who loves trying my friends interests once I deeply care about them. I'm saying that because she got me into chocolate covered strawberries for a bit hahaha, and I also bought some trunks from meundies thanks to her!! Speaking of which, EITHER I HAVE A BIG BUTT (WHICH I DO), AND BIG THIGHS OR THE MATERIAL IS CHEAP QUALITY because those underwears didn't last me a month or two before they ripped 😮‍💨. It's probably my fault because I i used them for jogging as well.

I miss her smile, her evergreen sea eyes, her humor, her randomness, her friendship.

I hope she's doing well in graduate school, if she hasn't already graduated?? I hope she's updated the Wreaths for fall, I hope life is treating her well and that she's doing okay. I hope that groundhog is still being a menace. I hope Pegasus is doing well. I hope she already wore those same leggings/outfit she uses for Halloween every year for the past 3 years? haha. I hope she's excited for the next three months. I hope life keeps blessing her. Most importantly, i hope she knows that no matter what happened between us, I will always be grateful for her 😊😊😊

—

Okay, i gotta go for a jog before the heavy thunderstorms hit. Thanks for this ask, anon. I'm sad now. I'LL BE FINEEEE 😊

Sorry for the typos!! I'm not proof reading and fixing till later!!

#asks #personal #about s

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