#remove the entire group of people that are linked to this from my life because theyve all hurt me so deeply and im not allowed to say that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bg-brainrot · 16 days

Text

Alone in a Crowded Camp

Featuring: Astarion x Rogue!Tav

Series: Fits into Love at First Knife, AO3 link here

Summary: A short Astarion reflection, where he realizes that company isn't so bad.

Tags: Astarion POV, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hurt/Comfort, Vampire Spawn Astarion, set in Act 3, Astarion is Bad at Feelings

A/N: My ~mood~ persists and I wanted to make this real angsty, but even I couldn’t do that to myself hah. A short little oneshot to try to get me out of my funk!

Word count: ~1.1k

Alone.

Astarion has gotten quite good at being alone.

For two hundred years, he's been surrounded by people– their faces, their bodies, their sickly sweet words and insincere affections. But all along, he has been deeply, achingly alone.

He's had his siblings, ugh, if that's what you could call them. They’ve been a constant, annoying, and at times cruel presence in his life. They’ve felt like a growth he could no more remove than he could ignore. And, through the misery and the pain, he somehow still managed to feel gods awfully alone.

It’s difficult to pinpoint the source of his loneliness. After all, he has nary a moment to himself. But no matter how many people, no matter how frequently he’s with them, something is missing. There is no connection, no kindness, no caring. He simply is alone.

As such, Astarion has grown downright skilled at solitude. A practical art form, he's certain– someone else may call it a method of coping. Either way, it’s not a skill he's comfortable to admit.

Especially not when he suddenly finds himself surrounded once more, veritably drowning in the same disgusting familiarity and the startling newness of companionship. Because this time, he's free. Or as free of Cazador as he's willing to believe for the moment. And his companions don't expect much from him. At least not more than he's willing to provide.

So when he settles into the motley crew, he’s prepared to face the same discordant discomfort of isolation, all while being a hair’s breadth from falling into someone’s bedroll.

Instead, what he finds is an unconventional, at times chaotic, symphony.

The loud sheering sound of weapons being sharpened.

The heat of bodies surrounding a late night campfire.

The beautiful, desperate joy on the faces of those who may not live to see another day.

Astarion soon discovers that, despite the dirt, despite the tentacled doom lingering over his gorgeous head of curls, the boisterous mundanity of daily life is oddly… welcome.

For so long, as long as he can remember honestly, he’d dreaded meeting someone new. Meeting someone new meant as much a death sentence for them as it meant a detestable evening for him, a night lost to his inevitable withdrawal into the deepest darkness he could muster.

But here, in the warm glow of firelight, the darkness abates.

Against all of his efforts, he actually learns about the group.

How Lae’zel single-handedly took on her entire crèche while training, how many rooms Gale’s tower boasts back in Waterdeep, how far Wyll’s travels have taken him along the Chionthar, how Shadowheart didn’t need her memories to remember she hated bad wine, how Karlach once defeated a Pit Fiend in the hells themselves. None of them are things he expected to learn, nor care about. But he finds himself listening, chortling along all the same.

And then there’s you.

At first, he’d kept you a careful arm and knife distance away– an asset surely, but just as surely a dangerous one. He’d learned early in his time with Cazador that anyone who could wield both blade and charm was not someone to be trifled with.

What he hadn’t expected was the way that you made him feel: Distinctly not-alone.

Whether it be catching the mischievous twinkle in your eye from across the room or finding himself wrapped in your arms, feeling your body heat slowly seeping into him– he simply can’t understand how you make the world feel so full.

Astarion isn’t sure if he loves this new feeling of overwhelming closeness or misses the solitude. He wonders if he’ll ever feel alone again, and the idea that he may not both thrills and terrifies him.

Because there is something soothing about being alone, a type of insidious succor only his own thoughts provide.

The ache loneliness has carved in his chest is as lingering as it is deeply rooted within him and, like a plant desperately trying to survive, he finds the roots digging deeper and deeper in an attempt to stay grounded.

His moments of actual time to himself have been scarce, of course. So, in his fear, Astarion has gotten used to finding his solitude among the chaos, sequestering himself away from any who might hurt him before such a chance could arise.

Retreating from their kindness, reciprocating with sharply worded barbs, shooting utterly underserved glares in every direction. Their wounded looks mean nothing to him– why should they? They are just another group of strangers, one vampire lord away from becoming another pile of corpses.

However, much like every other of his carefully thought out plans, you are ready to thwart him. For every attempt he makes to withdraw, you’re right there, proving time and again that you are no stranger. Not anymore.

“Astarion.”

It’s a simple thing, his name. The last remnant from a mother he no longer remembers. It sounded wretched upon Cazador’s lips, a curse he could never break. Upon yours though? It may as well be a blessing.

With that one, simple name, his loneliness is allayed. The roots embedded within him pull back, if only for the moment.

Despite his best efforts, he remembers that he is not alone. Astarion feels at ease.

His heart opens, little by little, and not just to you.

Living hundreds of years as he has, faces had begun to meld together, names began to lose their meaning, voices their distinct candor. But for the first time in a long, long time, he finds himself seeing, listening, connecting to others in a way he no longer believed himself capable of.

It’s… nice. Not that he’ll ever tell the others.

Naturally, his past doesn’t simply up and vanish. His mind still drifts, and he finds himself retreating into the damning safety of solitude from time to time. But each and every time, a hand reaches out– at times jovial, sometimes tentative, other times caring– ready to pull him back to the present.

“Astarion?”

One such hand comes into his field of view, and he takes it instinctively. It’s warm, comforting, and scarred with the beautiful history of an adventurous past. He could get lost in the look and feel of this hand.

“Astarion? Are you alright?”

Your voice is soft, tone gently questioning– yet still worried. Adorable, but you needn’t worry about him. He doubts he’s ever been better.

“Mmm, yes, darling. Quite alright.”

“Good.”

Your hand squeezes his as you respond and he’s certain that, as long as you’re next to him, he may never feel alone again. Perhaps that’s not such a bad thing after all.

#astarion #astarion x tav #fanfic #astarion fic #astarion x reader #rogue + rogue #astarion fanfiction #astarion fanfic #astarion x gn reader #astarion x gn!tav #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion is bad at feelings #astarion comfort #spawn astarion #hurt comfort #sort of a character study

121 notes · View notes

carefulfears · 9 months

Note

Can you compare the Irresistible hug and the Milagro hug please !!!!!!!!! I love Milagro so much

okay our best and brightest @scullysflannel already talked about this once but let's chat on it (+ unruhe because i watched it last night) just for you babes xxx

/ irresistible

irresistible is my favorite of the three, and my favorite scully trauma™ episode, as it's the most dedicated to the emotional progression.

this episode encapsulates an understanding that the x-files never shied from, that the scariest monsters are human men, it's pointless to pretend otherwise.

fresh off her abduction, a violation and loss of autonomy that she still doesn't understand, scully's reaction to the crimes of donnie pfaster is intimate: his victims are the dead, a group she's always been more connected with than most.

her grief and discomfort at the desecration of women that she's bearing witness to is so overwhelming, and it's something that she's alone in, as the men around her continue with business as usual.

as the investigation continues, scully decides to go back to washington, telling mulder that she'll "better drive this investigation" if she focuses on the evidence.

SCULLY: I'm not having trouble, Mulder.

MULDER: I'd understand, Scully. This isn't exactly easy to stomach.

SCULLY: I'm fine with it. Really. I just think we're a long way from catching this guy. If we could get a print, we'd have something to go on. Right now we're at a standstill.

MULDER: I think it's a good idea. I just don't want you to think you have to hide anything from me, Scully. I've seen agents with twenty years in the field fall apart on cases like this.

Scully: I'm fine, Mulder. I can handle it.

i love this scene. his response here is so perfect. apart from checking in and asking if she's okay a couple of times, he hasn't commented on her state of mind in this situation, but he knows she's having a hard time. he supports her decision to take a step back, playing along that it's a "good idea" for her to direct her attention to the tangible evidence, but encourages her to communicate how she's feeling.

and he tells her that to struggle with a case like this is understandable, it doesn't matter how much experience you have or your position, it's normal.

(another understanding that this show always had: to react emotionally to the brutality of the world and the exploitation of the vulnerable is human, it's the people who look at destruction unflinching who are wrong.)

back in D.C., scully sees her therapist. she tries, you guys. scully's "i'm fine" complex has never meant that she ignores a problem or shuts down, she tries to cope in a way that she's comfortable with. she removes herself from the scene. she goes where she'll be more useful. she schedules therapy.

MULDER: Are you staying on there, Scully?

SCULLY: No. I'm coming back tonight.

MULDER: Look, Scully. I know this is a pretty horrific case -

SCULLY: I'm okay with it, Mulder. Besides, you can use my help.

MULDER: Always.

after her session, scully decides to go back. she's okay with it. she's going to keep trying.

this is one of my favorite moments. she spends this entire episode putting on a front, he spends it meeting her exactly where she is; saying, "i see you," but only to comfort, not expose.

her "you can use my help," is one of their jokes. a way to say, "i'm okay, i'm ready," that's lighthearted and doesn't show too much. when he responds, "always," his voice has such a different tone. it's so earnest, and sweet. his response takes her very seriously, her contribution and state of mind and comfort.

she'd told her therapist, "i trust [my partner] as much as anyone. i trust him with my life...but i don't want him to know how much this is bothering me." he already knows.

(her smile on the phone, they are best friends)

i'm gonna borrow from the post linked up top for this next bit:

"Scully’s abduction is the major turning point in terms of how much the job affects her, and Irresistible is basically a replay of her abduction that gives her more control: she gets the catharsis of a fight, and she knows who she’s fighting (men)."

after being taken by pfaster, when she's found, she pulls out one more "i'm fine," but her suppression and image can't withstand confrontation. mulder gently lifts her chin, and the moment she meets his eye, she breaks down crying into his chest. she tries so hard, she has "always been the strong one," she did not want him to know that this was bothering her. but you can't survive it without facing it.

i didn't notice until today that her gag is still around her neck, she's still so ensnared. police are still making arrangements around them. it all just fades away though.

(he's whispering "it's alright," just for her to hear. when she moves her arms to hold onto him, pull him closer, his face breaks. he closes his eyes to keep from crying. he's so careful with her after her abduction, he's never had anyone come back before. this is a moment they're in together, a sort of catharsis after she returned. it's so foreign and painful to be needed, for the first time in so long.)

/ unruhe

unruhe, written by my beloved vince gilligan, is the most introspective that the x-files ever gets on the dichotomous reactions to gendered violence.

"She can hear him, still stomping around inside the trailer, no doubt looking through the pictures carefully, hoping for yet more insight into the depths of the now-dead serial killer’s mind. In the back of her throat, burning acid threatens to force its way up. The luxury of curiosity, she thinks."

-selbst

throughout unruhe, mulder is hyper-focused on gaining an understanding, attempting to find the killer (and at first, the abducted women) by looking into what has been left behind, and dismissing any other courses of action.

ultimately, nothing he does assists in the case at all, and it's scully's connections and discernments that locate schnauz, mulder and herself never on the same page. unlike irresistible's quiet contemplation and gentle understanding, they're consistently frustrated with each other.

(note that in this episode, scully is bound and held captive by a man obsessed with the loss of his sister. a dynamic that she is very aware of, as she asks schnauz, "why [do i need to be saved]? do i remind you of your sister?")

from the moment that schnauz's first victim resurfaces and they do the PET scan (something that only scully is able to read and understand, not mulder. something again rooted in her personal background), there is a shift in scully.

these women are being lobotomized, and they're being lobotomized incorrectly. schnauz is weaponizing medicine that he doesn't have proper knowledge of, and reducing these women into nothing. when mary lefante is found, she is unable to speak, except to repeat over and over the motivation of her captor ("unruhe," the german word for "unrest.")

things escalate when the body of the second victim is found, and in my favorite scene of the episode, mulder and scully quietly observe the remains in horror, before scully just walks off and gets back in the car (in the driver's seat, a rare occurrence).

MULDER: Hey, Scully, that word "unruhe", "unrest", is bothering me. Maybe he thought he was curing them somehow, saving them from damnation, from those things in the pictures, you know, he called them the "howlers."

SCULLY: It's over, Mulder.

MULDER: Well, then that photo wouldn't be his fantasy. It would be his nightmare.

SCULLY: What the hell does it matter?

MULDER: Because I want to know.

SCULLY: I don't.

(She starts the engine. Mulder stares at her for a second, then gets in the car.)

when mulder approaches the car to ramble about "unruhe," scully never looks over at him or makes eye contact. she doesn't wait for him to get in the car before putting on her seatbelt and starting it. it is over.

i've written about this before (in the previously linked post), but mulder always wants to believe that people who do evil things have a good reason, that they didn't really mean to. that they were just trying to help, or were just following a biological imperative. scully knows that it doesn't matter.

it's the ending of 2shy, when mulder is right, incanto is only killing women because he needs their fatty tissue to survive. and he looks at scully and says, "when you look at me, you see a monster, but i was just feeding the hunger." and scully answers, "you're more than a monster. you didn't just feed on their bodies, you fed on their minds."

what the hell does it matter?

ultimately, scully is forced to "empathize" with schnauz, to survive. she has to utilize the insights that mulder gleamed about him to forge a connection with him, and stall. (she is always listening, and she knows mulder is right. sometimes it just doesn't make things any better.)

as the situation progresses, when she hears mulder outside she's able to wrestle her arm out of its constraint and rip the tape off of her mouth. by the time mulder breaks in and shoots schnauz, she's all but freed herself.

mulder takes her hand and helps her up, and she bypasses him, walking out of the trailer into the light, with one last look back at schnauz. she leaves mulder with the body, as he's looking at the photos. (the luxury of curiosity.)

the only time that we see scully show emotion or vulnerability in this episode, is in the final frame. sitting alone in her apartment, she looks at the altered photos of herself, and her lip quivers as we cut to the ending credits.

where irresistible saw her actively trying to gain control, unruhe is more genuine. she's not trying to conceal anything, she's just tired, and she's alone.

/ milagro

ah, milagro. quintessentially season 6 in a way that i can never establish as positive or negative.

milagro is all about desire: a desire for attention, for approval, for relevance. it's only fitting that it should be so punishing.

ultimately, milagro is about voyeurism, and we have this represented through our monster-of-the-week: scully's stalker phillip padgett.

when scully meets padgett (who had recently moved into the apartment next to mulder) in a church, it's to observe the painting displayed there, "my divine heart."

as he reveals that he knew she would be there to see the painting, as well as many personal details that he has "noticed" about her, it's a heavily emotional discomfort to be so seen.

so much of this episode builds in padgett's apartment, just one door over from mulder. when scully knocks, she tells padgett she was on her way next door and just thought she'd stop and return the milagro charm that he'd given her (a symbol of a burning heart) because she "can't return the gesture."

we talked about this when we talked about small potatoes, but this episode is...embarrassing for her! the kind of attention that she craves is embarrassing to her.

when she comes into padgett's apartment, padgett remarks that it's because she's "curious." she notices things too.

SCULLY: Well, you lead a curious life.

PHILLIP PADGETT: It's not so different from yours I imagine-- lonely.

SCULLY: Loneliness is a choice.

loneliness is a choice, babes! the way that small potatoes ended in classification of mulder as a "loser by choice" (for all of the things he could have, and all of the things he chooses not to pursue), and scully absolving him of that criticism, milagro puts the agency of this mutual repression back onto scully.

(choice and agency is a very important reiterated theme in scully's character. this whole thing only works if she chooses to be here.)

and when mulder comes in to arrest padgett based on evidence found in the murder case, scully is in his bedroom by choice. (very very embarrassing for her)

like these tags said, "psychologist mulder taking two years to connect the dots scully laid out for him in never again."

god, this episode makes me so uncomfortable. it's also the only one of these three that i've never rewatched, so that's why i'm a little more lax in discussing it.

MULDER: No one can predict human behavior. No one can tell you what another person's going to do.

SCULLY: Well, isn't that what you do, Mulder, as a behavioral profiler? You … you imagine the killer's mind so well that you know what they're going to do next.

MULDER: If he imagines it, it's a priori-- before the fact. I think that's pretty clear from what he wrote about you.

laughs nervously...isn't that what you do!! don't you know people's minds and desires!!

when mulder tells scully that padgett's book ends with her having sex with the narrator, and asks, "i'm assuming that's a priori too?" it's so reminiscent of office desks and tattoo ink.

when she replies, "i think you know me better than that," they're both thinking of philadelphia, of something etched in her back that they've never put to words. that too, ended in fire, with desire punished.

(i'm always slack jawed at him asking her flat-out if she fucked the stalker. quintessential season 6, baby! eat your heart out!)

PHILLIP PADGETT: I made a mistake myself.

MULDER: What's that, Mr. Padgett?

PHILLIP PADGETT: In my book, I'd written that Agent Scully falls in love but that's obviously impossible. (looking at MULDER) Agent Scully is already in love.

agent scully is already in love, agent scully already desires so viscerally, (agent scully is making things personal, as mulder had rebutted in defense of diana, not long enough ago)

i know a lot of people love this line, but it just makes me want to weep for her. scully is such a discreet person, she values her privacy so much, and has so little of it left. it's the emotional equivalent of her physical exploitation, to have her most personal and intimate feelings exposed like this.

loneliness is a choice, and that’s her’s to make, the way mulder’s choice was affirmed in small potatoes.

(padgett as a character is a stand-in, he represents the voyeurism of an audience, of projecting a persona onto someone for personal gratification. he isn't ascribed any motive. but this to me, feels like a power trip, even if unintentional. he's perhaps just being honest, but he's recognizing that he can't have her body, so he exposes her soul. he also doesn't know scully as well as he thinks he does.)

both never again and milagro are about a caricaturized self, embracing or rebuking who you are in someone else's eyes. whether scully is perceiving herself as mulder's loyal first mate who "always does as told" or padgett's lonely object of lust, she responds by leaning into that exposure, going where she's wanted, and continuing her ascribed "cycle" of devotion and rebellion.

the reveal in the end, is that this week's monster is not truly padgett, but a character that he's created, who is committing the murders described in his book.

like padgett himself, the killer is a personification of longing; it's him who declares that the only way for the book to conclude, is for scully to die.

but just as jerse did in never again, padgett throws himself in the fire to narrowly absolve scully of the fated ending, and sacrifices his heart for hers.

when mulder realizes what's happening and races back up into his apartment, the sight is bone-chilling. she actually looks dead, unconscious and covered in blood, from a wound that's now healing.

when she wakes up and sees him over her, she reaches for him as abruptly as she opens her eyes. she claws into him, her fingers never stop grabbing at him, pulling him closer and closer and sobbing into his neck.

so little of it actually matters. she almost died without him there. this is after tithonus, and she's remembering those lessons again. (what about love? you don't want to be around when it's gone.)

and just as in irresistible, mulder breaks too, feeling the weight with her.

anon, to compare the three, i would say they each represent the theme of their particular place in the narrative and scully's characterization.

irresistible is the fragile dependence of a post-abduction season 2: perceiving comfort as a weakness, fear as a burden, but needing it anyway. recognizing who you trust, what that means, and that wounds can't heal in detachment. from each other and from the brutalization of the world itself.

unruhe is the building isolation of season 4: going where someone can’t follow, whether in societal experience or the looming instability that’s close ahead.

and milagro is the painfully confrontational tension of season 6. having your heart ripped out of your chest, bleeding, in attempts to be understood. just clutching what you need, weeping, in the end: there’s no use fighting it. (or hiding it. loneliness is a choice, but there’s freedom in being stripped of options)

it is a growth, in a diminishment of pretense and self-consciousness. it just comes at a cost.

i also want to bring it back to @scullysflannel’s post on this topic, because she summarized another aspect of it that i didn’t touch on:

“Scully tells the therapist in Irresistible that she doesn’t want Mulder to think he has to protect her, and I feel like the end of Milagro is about Scully accepting his type of protection, and by extension his type of love. Padgett makes her want Mulder to pursue her in a way he’s never done, but Padgett also ultimately shows her the danger of being sought after like that, and it makes Mulder’s straightforward protectiveness look pretty good. it doesn’t matter right then if Mulder is giving her everything she wants. she needs him.”

milagro is about desire, and ultimately it’s about a relinquishing of desire. scully is drawn to padgett because he offers her something that mulder doesn’t (won’t?) give her, and she’s ripped to pieces because of it.

it is punishing, to want something so badly. ultimately, when she almost loses it all, she’s clinging to what she has.

(but mulder is learning too, and they’ll get there. they’ll get to all of it.)

#asks #irresistible #unruhe #milagro

81 notes · View notes

betatrolls · 2 months

Text

A Non-Exhaustive And Imperfect Explanation As To Why Declawing Cats Is Animal Abuse, Aka Me Promoting The Paw Project For Approximately 8 Paragraphs

okay, I'm dropping the quirk for this. too much text to be capitalizing every word.

for most people, not declawing your cats is common sense, but for some ignorant individuals physically removing an animal's body parts to make their existence as palatable as possible is commonplace. yes, i phrased that aggressively on purpose. i have no respect for these people.

before we get into it, below is a diagram of a cat claw for reference. the quick (pink tissue bit inside the claw) doesn't usually go down that far, but that's not important.

memorize how that works for a second. cool. moving on.

now that you know how the claw works, let's look at what actually happens when a cat is declawed.

yikes. uh huh. freaky ass visual, isn't it?

you may be noticing that it looks a whole lot like detaching bones, and that's because that's exactly what it is. it's a common misconception, even within anti-declawing groups, that removing a cat's claw is equivalent to pulling out a human's fingernail; when it's actually far closer to removing the entire first finger bone.

you're probably pretty uncomfortable right now, thinking about having part of your finger torn off. if you weren't already thinking about that, sorry for putting that in your brain.

perhaps, to distract yourself, think about getting through daily life without the first segments of your fingers. it would make a lot of things difficult, wouldn't it? picking things up, opening just about any packaging, scratching an itch. the list goes on.

what if a cat were in that same situation? no climbing things, no catching their toys, no saving themself when they fall, and so much more. rather important things for a cat to do.

as unthinkable as all of this may sound, the paw project, an amazing organization helping to fight against declawing, estimates that 25% to 43% of cats are declawed.

this means 25% to 43% (that's about 150 to 258 million on the low end, according to a 2023 estimate of the world's domestic cat population) suffer from the exhaustive list of problems associated with declawing. find a more in-depth list of these issues on the paw project's website, linked in the previous paragraph.

i am relying on the paw project website quite a bit, but then again, they are an amazing source for this information. i highly recommend checking out their website for more information on this subject, as i think my wrists are about done with this post.

i would appreciate reblogs if not just to promote the paw project, but they are of course not necessary. thanks for reading.

#post #nayapost #cats #declawing #animal abuse mention #body horror #animal rights

18 notes · View notes

religion-is-a-mental-illness · 11 months

Text

By: Monica Harris

Published: May 21, 2023

Recently, I was reminded of just how easy it is to be silenced in America now.

Two few weeks ago I published an article on Medium (linked here on my blog) about the impact of transgender inclusion on the rights of women and lesbians. I felt it was a timely and topical subject, and as a gay woman of color I obviously have a vested interest in this issue.

So, you can imagine my shock when, less than 24 hours after the article appeared, Medium’s Trust & Safety team removed it for violating community rules. I was further warned that repeated violations would lead to possible suspension of my account. My crime? Posting “hateful content.” (before continuing, I would encourage you to read the article yourself).

For perspective, I have more than 1,000 followers on Medium and have published nearly 70 articles on this platform. I’m a Harvard educated lawyer and am on the Board of Advisors of the Foundation Against Intolerance and Racism. I’m also a published author and a TEDx speaker. In fact, much of my writing focuses on bringing people together around our shared values and interests. In my entire career, I’ve never been accused of using hate speech or advocating hateful positions. Yet now I was being silenced for expressing my legitimate concerns about an issue that affects me and others in my community.

This incident is laced with many ironies, not the least of which is that I’ve spent much of my life feeling invisible and not having a voice. Growing up black and gay in the 70s and 80s was an alienating and often heartbreaking experience. Thankfully, as America has been forced to reckon with its insidious legacy of racism, sexism, and homophobia, the landscape has changed. Barriers have crumbled and hearts and minds have opened. I now enjoy a thriving legal career in the entertainment industry. I have a white partner and a biracial son. We happily live our alternative lifestyle in a red state that is overwhelmingly white and Christian. The past two decades have empowered me and helped me find my voice.

But now I fear that I’m in danger of losing my voice again. I worry that I and millions of other women are becoming invisible — not at the hands of right-wing extremists, but by people who promote tolerance, inclusion, and equity.

Medium’s content curators purportedly removed my article because it “disempower[ed]” and excluded others based on “protected characteristics,” i.e. biological men who identify as women. Yet they had no qualms about disempowering and excluding me — a member of not one, but three “protected” groups — from their online community.

Further, I was silenced for expressing my belief that inclusion of biological men in women’s sports and prisons, and other historically protected spaces potentially undermines the rights and safety of biological women and lesbians. Yet the act of deplatforming my article was, itself, proof of the marginalization I lamented in my article.

When I shared the incident with a left-leaning friend, she cautioned that conservatives, Nazis and right-wing extremists have created a dangerous environment for transgender Americans. While this is undoubtedly true of some fringe elements on the Right, I’m neither a Nazi nor an extremist. Why should my legitimate concerns be conflated with fringe elements with whom I have nothing in common? If an article that raises thoughtful questions and concerns on behalf of other protected groups can be characterized as “hateful content,” then what is the threshold for hate?

You don’t have to be gay, female, or a person of color to appreciate the danger this poses to all Americans. If the boundaries of prohibited speech keep growing, then we can effectively be silenced by anyone who disagrees with us or is offended by our opinions. All they have to do is call us “hateful.” But if we live in constant fear of offending others, then how long will it be before we’re too afraid to say anything?

Freedom of speech is one of our most cherished rights. While designed to protect us from censorship by our government, it’s indelibly woven into the fabric of American society. The free and open marketplace of ideas is what makes our country unique. It’s enabled groundbreaking innovation and thought and empowered historically disenfranchised groups.

Given my unique background and experience, freedom of speech holds a special place in my heart. After all, where would I be today if voices that made others uncomfortable had been muffled? Moreover, what will the future hold for all Americans if we continue on this path? Without unfettered freedom of speech, attempts to foster inclusion become illusory and performative.

Protecting this sacred right is neither easy nor painless; it demands our constant effort, vigilance, and above all, our selflessness. What we safeguard for ourselves we must also be willing to safeguard for others, even those with whom we vehemently disagree.

Unfortunately, Medium and a growing number of platforms and legacy media outlets aren’t willing to do the hard work. They’ve decided that freedom of speech should be sacrificed if it makes others uncomfortable — even if the people expressing themselves have lived in discomfort most of their lives, and in many cases still do. They’ve elected to trade one of our most fundamental rights for tolerance that’s often selective.

These well-intentioned guardians of “safety” fail to see that true tolerance must be expressed not just by our words, but also by our deeds. The noble goals of inclusion and equity become meaningless if we arbitrarily sacrifice these principles when it suits us or those with preferred agendas. Selective tolerance isn’t progressive; it’s regressive.

True tolerance also requires that we be on the same page about the rules of free speech. We’re entering an era of increasing social conflict, but we can’t navigate this challenging landscape and resolve our differences if the boundaries of free speech keep shifting, often without warning.

For now, I write with a giant question mark over my head. Will I be branded a TERF on Medium if I continue to advocate for the rights of women and lesbians? Will I unwittingly offend others with the subject matter of my next article? Will it be “the one” that terminates my account?

The only thing I know for certain is that this is no way for anyone to live in a free society. If we can spend billions of dollars to fight for the freedom of people in a country 5,000 miles away, surely we can find the courage to defend this precious right at home. Let’s spend less time talking about inclusion and more time practicing it.

No one is immune to the ministrations of the puritans.

#Monica Harris #censorship #free speech #freedom of speech #criticism of ideas #authoritarianism #woke authoritarianism #gender ideology #queer theory #biology denial #biology denialism #wokeism #cult of woke #wokeness #woke #wokeness as religion #religion is a mental illness

17 notes · View notes

sorryyourenglishteachersucked · 2 years

Text

Recently I saw a post going around about how people are overly condescending about people not knowing valuable internet skills such as how to curate your experience, and it was a good post that I didn't want to derail, but it reminded me of a closely related issue, so I'm making my own post:

When it comes to a lot of common fanfic and shipping discourse, I suspect a good chunk of it comes from people noticing a very real problem with Web 2.0 – that is, that the trend toward centralizing content on a few Big Sites makes it way harder to curate one's online experience than it needs to be, and contrary to popular claims, in many ways harder than it used to be – and applying the wrong framework to analyze and solve that problem. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming this brand of wank entirely on this Damned Newfangled Internet, Why Back In My Day--

But I am saying that the way the internet operates at this point is definitely a factor.

Look, I got into online fandom in the era where a SINGLE large enough fandom might have enough fanfic archives to fill an entire Monopoly board. This had its own problems (many of these sites could just cease to exist with no warning, whether because someone got tired of maintaining them or because a lot of source media creators were a lot more litigious and small archives didn't have lawyers; a lot of mod teams were unprofessional and inconsistent in which rules they enforced and how strictly and/or would just make up technicalities to remove pieces they didn't like, etc.), and this brand of drama existed then too, but it was a lot less...all-consuming. Back then you could usually just go about your life on Your Big Central Site (usually Livejournal if you were a fannish type) without being asked which “side” of an argument you were on, with no way to answer that wouldn't get you death threats.

Dark fic existed. Smut fic existed. Fics about touchy and upsetting subjects existed. Of course there were always some people who got really upset by that, and there were always regulars and even webmasters of more strictly moderated sites who were really judgy about it and assumed the worst of everyone who used the free-for-all archives, but in that period, by and large the response to people getting belligerent about it was basically “dude, stay off that site/out of that group then, stick to this one where that kind of stuff isn't allowed, leave it alone, it’s not worth it.” It was usually a lot less heated than it is now, simply because people had the option to stick to their own circles without being all but forced to interact with content that upset them if they wanted to be in the fandom at all.

The problem is, that advice doesn't work now that we're mostly centralized on big social media juggernauts and AO3, and “then block the tag/that user” is not actually the same.

The result is that curating your experience used to be done passively – you just stayed on sites and in groups oriented toward the kind of fannish content you wanted to see, and didn't visit the ones that invited what you didn't want, and on Big Sites where everyone mingled, you just didn't follow links you didn't trust – whereas now it must be done actively, in many cases involving downloading a ton of browser extensions, by creating tag and keyword blacklists that you have to configure yourself, which is not only tedious, but really sucks when something bothers you enough that you don't want to be reminded that it even exists and now you have to type it into your blacklist for every new site you visit. Never mind the fact that these measures can fail if someone forgets a tag, doesn’t tag their work properly because they don’t recognize the element as something people are likely to want to block (i.e., something that would get a work removed from a stricter archive before most users are subjected to it), does tag something but does so in a way that’s not picked up by your filters, you’re on a site that doesn’t let you opt out of seeing when and why content has been blocked (which, again, is not exactly a fun time when you blocked something because you don’t want to be reminded it even exists), or someone just decides not to tag something at all. You can block someone who does this or add their version of the tag to your blacklist, of course, but when that happens, the damage is already done. It’s even more likely for this to fail on Twitter and Instagram and TikTok, where The Algorithm is very likely to decide to show you things you never even knew you’d want to block, even more so than just this model where, even if you don't HAVE to follow individuals' whole accounts to see their content for your fandom, you're still more heavily encouraged to than you used to be now that broad site-wide tags have largely replaced groups. The onus of filtering has shifted from webmasters and moderators, to individual social media users who just dare to have boundaries, often for disability-related reasons that make that job a lot more difficult and stressful than it might be for others.

Because of the way the modern internet is structured, modern fandom absolutely has a problem with making it harder than it used to be to avoid what you don’t want to see, and this needs to be addressed and fixed.

Again, I'm not saying things used to be all sunshine and rainbows, or that there are no benefits to centralizing, because there are a lot. However, even positive changes can introduce complications; every change breaks someone’s workflow (and steadily increasing corporate control of the internet isn't even a net positive in the first place), so of course we're having Issues. People love to talk about how rah, back in my day it used to be the wild west out there, "lemon" could be anything from vanilla fluffy smut to hardcore guro porn with detailed illustrations, and the only warnings you got were "don't like don't read" – but, as true as that was, there were other filtering methods. You didn't like how FFN or the big communities on Livejournal were more of a free-for-all than you were comfortable with? You went and made your own archive with blackjack and hookers by just opening up a new Invisionfree forum or something like it to only host/link to the kind of content you liked, or you started a new Livejournal community that banned the content that caused you distress. You invited all your friends. You ignored the broader unfiltered sites and groups unless you were feeling really brave and bored that day.

For all we talk about how things used to be so much worse and more unfiltered, that's really only half true. You were more inclined to accidentally actively click through to a surprise moderate squick, yes, but you would usually stick to sites and groups where any actual major triggers you had weren't allowed and certainly wouldn’t pop up in their full glory in your (now often algorithmically-generated) personalized feed like some kind of horrible jack-in-the-box (unless you were unlucky enough to log in during a 4chan raid, but that wasn’t exactly a daily occurrence like filter failures on Twitter now).

We don't really do that anymore. We don't really have the option to do that anymore, at least not the way we used to. Free and cheap forum hosts still exist, but hardly anyone uses them, because it's hard to populate a new site when the culture has shifted to wanting to maximize exposure more than build community and ALL the members of your my-otp-only-no-lemons-allowed forum and thensome already follow you on Twitter or tumblr.

However, somewhere along the line, fandom largely missed the point and applied a media critique model to this problem. Instead of calling for more websites to adopt (or more accurately bring back) interest-based user-run groups a la Livejournal, or placing more value on people who curate rec lists and building more tools to do so, it’s become a battle over what kind of content is allowed to exist at all. In this environment, depending on which side of the great debate you’re on, either every fanfic is treated as if it has the reach and influence of a major mainstream Hollywood production or more, or you recognize that that model doesn’t really apply so every problem it gets misapplied to gets shouted down as nonexistent.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are absolutely things in fandom that do need to be critiqued using that framework. Fandom has a long history of...not always being kind to marginalized people or characters. The beauty and ugliness alike of fandom is in the fact that fan works, especially fanfics, are mostly created for fun and nothing more. “Crack taken seriously” is so ubiquitous that a lot of it doesn’t even recognize itself for what it is; it’s just part of The Nature of Fanfic. Fan works are often unpolished; the quality is all over the place (and that is a good thing), because the barrier to entry doesn’t exist – people can just post whatever the hell they want, and in some cases this is actually more true than ever as the internet becomes more and more centralized, as people usually don’t need to go as far out of their way to search for the specific websites that allow their type of content. The downside is, this often means that because no one is reviewing someone’s work before publishing, no one is there to say “dude, what the fuck is wrong with you, that’s racist as hell, we are NOT gonna publish that”. This is definitely something worth addressing using the media critique framework.

But that’s not the same problem as the fact that content that explores uncomfortable and potentially triggering topics exists, and we are having trouble keeping it contained because the modern internet is built around trying to smash everything vaguely related together for Maximum Engagement.

Some people have liked to explore darker subjects in fiction for as long as fiction has existed, and this is especially common with marginalized people who may have a complicated relationship with darker subjects in fantasy because of their real life experiences. However, for just as long, some people have preferred to stick to fantasies that feel safe, often for the exact same reasons. This is because humanity is extremely varied. It’s really that simple. Darker fiction will never cease to exist, even if it turns out to be true that it “should” (which I highly doubt is the case). What we need to be doing is working on more ways to make that fact safer to navigate-

Which is the exact opposite of what the modern internet is doing.

The modern internet is mostly about getting more eyes on every page to sell more ads, to the extent that even when it’s not about selling ad space, it’s created a cultural expectation of centralized content delivery where more engagement is always better and there's no such thing as a non-target audience. The modern internet is about cramming as much Content on Big Sites as possible, both commercially and culturally – mentally, we’re often averse to taking the few minutes it takes to sign up for a new site when we have bigger hubs we consider Good Enough. Oftentimes, the modern internet is about obsessing over your engagement numbers to the point of feeling dejected and personally slighted if someone doesn’t want to see content you know is a trigger for them because Your Friend Is Not Contributing To Number-Based Support. All the art is on Twitter, all the fic is on AO3, and if you want to browse those sites to look for it (especially Twitter with its very limited tag room) you will almost certainly run into content that will feel tailor-made to personally upset you, and if you want to engage with your fandom at large you have very few other options.

It’s just plain not good for fandom. At least AO3 is made for fandom, but it has its flaws anyway, because yes, the fact that it’s not made to sell ad space and user data may mean the features that get made are made with improving the actual human user experience in mind, but it also means...not nearly as many resources to make better features in the first place. (Block function? Easier filtering system? Saving filters account-side? I know they're working on some of these, but...well, the fact that they don't have the corporate backing of Twitter and Facebook is painfully obvious.)

We need to go back to embracing smaller and more specialized archives; we don't have to give up the security that AO3 provides to do that if we just mirror or link works hosted there. We need to create more rec lists. We need to push for more sites to adopt/bring back groups (it's sad when Facebook is doing something more right than any other major site). It would be great if someone could create an engine to let people easily create their own archives where users can embed AO3 fics, to let authors and readers alike take advantage of AO3’s protections while allowing readers the full benefit of passive curation again.

We need to recognize that Web 2.0 is just plain hostile to meaningful human interaction and community-building, perhaps especially in fandom.

#fandom #fandom culture #fandom problems #internet problems #web 2.0 #sorry your english teacher sucked #long post

107 notes · View notes

eoieopda · 1 year

Text

blog info

⇢ how tf do i pronounce your username?

oy-OPE-da. it’s the romanized version of 어이없다, which is one of my favorite korean words. listen to hoshi scream it here.

⇢ why do you have a problem with minors and ageless blogs?

i discussed this here. as of summer 2023, i am no longer blocking ageless blogs and am instead ignoring their interactions unless and until i have some reason to believe they're an adult. see here for some ways that i (and other creators) approach this.

⇢ can i request to be tagged for new stories or new parts?

i don't do fic-specific tags (with the exception of force quit) because it's a massive hassle. instead, i have permanent taglists which include fics/chapters + drabbles:

multi (for all of the groups listed below)

bts

seventeen

stray kids

ateez

⇢ can i tag you in xyz?

i track #eoieopda archive (and also #eoieopdaarchive because some people use that instead). i don't like to be tagged outright in fics if:

i didn't sign up for a taglist or otherwise consent to be tagged

i didn't beta it or have anything to do with its creation, and/or

we don't know/talk to each other (because i can't vouch for whatever it is you've tagged me in — or you, personally — and don't want to be explicitly linked to it).

⇢ when is xyz being posted/updated?

when i have the brain juice and time and i want to 😌

⇢ why is xyz on hiatus/discontinued?

likely because i, icarus, have flown too close to the sun. sometimes, the idea part of my brain moves faster than the follow-through part; and i need to take a silly little break before i’m able to pick up a story. sometimes, i lose interest entirely and will then remove something from my masterlist + make it very clear that a series is discontinued.

personal

⇢ your real name was leaked — can i call you that?

it doesn't bother me if people use my govt. name when they talk to/about me! my whole tagging system uses my nickname (jade) because my actual name wasn't supposed to get out, so that's (primarily) how i'm going to refer to myself on here.

⇢ you said you were adopted —can you tell me xyz about this entire process, what you know of your birth parents, what you remember about korea, etc.?

no thanks! i know very little about the whole thing because i was literally 18 months old. i've also had experiences on here where users' entire communication with me has been to ask/talk about these things, which is icky at best and fetishistic at worst (whether or not it's intentional).

⇢ i’m not korean — can i call you unnie/noona/hyung?

i don’t have a problem with this, and i actually find it pretty cute. keep in mind that my opinion here isn’t universal amongst koreans; and i did not grow up in my own culture, so koreans that did are entitled to feel differently.

⇢ can i come into your inbox and ask very invasive questions about your personal life and/or spew racist garbage and/or erase your identity and/or tokenize you?

thanks for checking — absolutely not! playing stupid games will win you stupid prizes (aka being blocked and/or reported).

⇢ i’m confused by your pronouns — which should i use?

my gender identity is essentially the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ emoticon at this point, so i use both she/her and they/them. and by that, i mean: pls don’t stick to one or the other (exclusively she, exclusively they) because i am not exclusively either.

i’m comfy with almost all “gendered” terms (sis, bro, dude, girlie, sir, ma’am, gworl, etc.) because i think gender is fake, lol. i do not vibe with “queen”, though, and i don’t know why. #kingjade

⇢ is it cool if i pop into your ask box with random thoughts, memes, tiktoks, non-k-pop stuff, etc.?

hell yeah, brother! let’s be friends.

⇢ you talk so much and it’s clogging up my dash — what do?

check my tag index here and filter shit to your heart's content!

requests (read the rules here before submitting)

⇢ who will you write for?

bts, seventeen, stray kids, and ateez.

i don't write for han jisung, kim seungmin, yang jeongin, or choi jongho as a personal preference. i adore them, but i don't see them in a romantic and/or sexual light.

⇢ are there any requests you won’t take?

i’m open to trying most kinks, dynamics, and AUs, depending on what's being requested of me (and the weather, what i ate for breakfast, the lunar phase, etc.) i'm down with poly!member x reader; and member x reader x member (etc.) dynamics, but i don't currently write strictly member x member.

hard passes:

non-con

anything involving minors

harry potter AUs

⇢ did you get my request? are you done yet?

pleeeeaaaaaaaaseeeee don’t. i did get your request. i’m a full-time attorney with fibromyalgia & ADHD and therefore cannot make any promises that my brain and/or body and/or schedule will allow me to finish things quickly.

i don’t complete every request i receive! sometimes, the requests are too similar to what i’ve done already, they don’t spark anything for me, etc. i reserve the right to pick and choose what i spend my time on.

rev. 12/9/23

#frequently asked questions #jade’s faq #faq

28 notes · View notes

circadianaa · 1 year

Text

some important updates on lore & characters

CWs: brief discussions of issues such as dubcon & substance use/abuse.

Hey everyone! For the past week or so my co-writer and I have been working on a massive rewrite for Cadaver, Duke, and their stories. It was brought to my attention that our writing choices concerning Duke and Cadaver's relationship were disrespectful, harmful, and ignorant. We would like to thank the friends who criticized these writing choices, as well as apologize for not catching them ourselves. The story that we’d created endorsed behavior that is harmful and disrespectful to those affected by it. The more we reflected on these decisions, the more we understood how harmful they were and how fundamentally Cadaver and Duke's story needed to be rewritten.

Cadaver and Duke's relationship prior to being rewritten was built upon dubcon principles and was never appropriate to be built into a full relationship. The story was initially written to serve as a dark period in Cadaver's life, where he struggled with substance abuse issues and swinging between his rigid life as a soldier and his unhealthy coping mechanisms. When Duke was written back into Cadaver's life in the Commander Cad AU, this fact was overlooked and we failed to recognize that they were built from an unhealthy foundation. I apologize for creating a story that was anything other than respectful.

Because of this, we have completely scrapped the original story and rebuilt it from the ground up. I hope that the changes that we have made make clear to those who support me and have been following Cadaver's story that correcting him and his story is something that I am incredibly passionate about and constantly striving to improve. It is my responsibility as a writer and a creator of content to ensure that what I create is not harmful or disrespectful to any group of people and to hold that same responsibility for my actions and correct my mistakes. Thank you all for your support as well as your criticism.

I’ve summarized the changes I've made below—it is brief and glosses over a ton of details and lore, so if you're interested in reading about the new changes in-depth, here's a link to Cadaver's document.

Summary of changes:

“Slaydaver”, or the portion of Cadaver’s lore detailing his experiences in nightclubs, struggles with substance abuse issues, and engaging in dubcon relationships has been completely removed from canon. This portion no longer occurs and will not be considered at all part of Cadaver’s story.

Cadaver, Druzy, and Dvas all met on Cadaver's first shore leave. The two introduced Cadaver to Coruscant’s jazz scene, wherein Dvas is a new and upcoming vocalist. Duke met and joined the group 2-3 shore leaves after. The group spends their time together dancing and chatting the night away in jazz clubs and performances all over the city.

There were no expectations among the group; all of them came from immensely different backgrounds, but always met the others where they were. Their friendship was something that Cadaver never knew he needed, and they were some of the only people he could relax around.

Duke and Cadaver shared a not-entirely-platonic, not-entirely-romantic relationship during this time, being close friends until just before Cadaver shipped out to Mandalore. Afterwards, they did not meet again until 6 years after the fall of the Republic.

Continuing into Commander Cad territory (which is where most of my post-Order 66 content lays now), 6 years into Empire's reign, Duke and Cadaver meet again as members of the rebellion—Cadaver leading a rebel cell and Duke being a foundational member of the Path, creating a network for force-sensitives and refugees to escape the Empire unseen. The experiences they've had and the development they've undergone as people lead them to create a relationship that they share for the rest of their lives.

Again—no part of my previous decisions about Cadaver’s experience with nightclubs, substance abuse, and relationships are canon anymore. The basis of that story was harmful and ignorant for us to write, and I apologize for sharing a story like that without informing myself of its effects. Thank you so much for reading ❤️

#circaspeaks #tw drugs #tw substance abuse #tw dubcon #<- all only mentioned briefly to explain changes

12 notes · View notes

amberjazmyn · 6 months

Text

dr spencer reid one-shot

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - the world ain't all sunshines and rainbows

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - screaming, low-grade swearing, a little sadness, maybe some crying

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - marianna is explaining to spencer reid, her best friend, that the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows anymore after he told her the same thing two years prior. not like they thought it was when they were younger when they first started working at the bau.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - this is once again, an old recycled imagine that i wrote like 2020 or 2021 so, i'm so sorry. i'm just out of ideas and i am in desperate need of new ones.

masterlist

- - -

marianna's pov | two years ago

"somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you."

my face softened, my best friend spencer confronting me about the way i had recently stopped being myself. stabbing me in the heart, i slowly started lowering my defences, i always did around spencer considering we've been friends our entire life and both joined the fbi academy when we were both twenty-two. hearing spencer tell me these words hurt, of course, they did because i knew that he was right; that is usually always the case. i will admit that the last two years of being with the bau has changed me because of how much trauma, loss and change we've gone through as a team. however, i knew i had to let spencer continue his ramble so he could let out all of his thoughts so, i decided to stay quiet, refusing my usual itch to assert myself into his ramble, allowing him to continue freely.

"you let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good. and when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame."

subconsciously, i removed my hand that was resting on my gun holster, not to shoot him or anyone, for we were in the conference room in the fbi headquarters, it was just something i did subconsciously that made me feel safe and less anxious. moving it from my holster, i moved it over to timidly link my fingers into spencer's, who immediately reciprocates, making me relax as he also relaxes alongside me. allowing both of us to open ourselves up to each other and relax.

"let me tell you something you already know. the world ain't all sunshine and rainbows."

i giggled softly, not because i was making fun of spencer, that was one of the activities i passed on involving myself within the group. i laughed because spencer sounded exactly like rossi, who we call our bau team mom when spencer had said that. however, it wasn't long before i nodded my head in agreement and a serious, composed expression fixed on my face within seconds as i came to realise he was telling the truth, just like he always did. spencer was right because, even before the both of us joined the fbi, the world was still anything but sunshine and rainbows, most especially ours due to how broken our childhood was.

"thanks for telling me something i already know and have since i was a child, spence," i snigger, squeezing spencer's hand tighter as we then heard the small whispers from the rest of our team, making spencer and i groan to ourselves due to the awaiting teasing we were both gonna get alongside the fact that we've most likely got another case

why can't serial killers just take a fucking holiday?

"fuck you, serial killer! why can't you just take a goddamn holiday for once? looks like we're taking down another unsub today, spencearoo!" i groan as spencer helps me up from the couch we were sitting on together with little to no space inbetween us as he chuckles at my comment, our hands still connected even though we knew that we were about to get teased

"spencearoo? where'd you get that nickname from, pretty girl?" derek morgan, spencer and i's main teaser when it came to the two of us being in close proximity to each other as i roll my eyes, still holding spencer's hands

"it's his--" "--it was her childhood nickname for me. i haven't heard that in years..." spencer trailed off, his cheeks a soft pink colour as i smiled at the floor

"...very cute, now, come on lovebirdies, we have a case and it seems as if this serial killer is not messing or waiting around any longer!" morgan spoke up, a small wink and click of the tongue in the middle of it as he then walked away, not before nudging me in the direction of spencer, making me smack him as he laughs his way into the bullpen

despite the fact that the rest of our team was in the bullpen, spencer and i stayed back. he didn't do anything to separate our hands from each other. whilst i was utterly confused because spencer would never be this late to a case meeting without a valid reason, i cannot lie and say i didn't like this moment of connection we were having. yes, sure, spencer and i have been friends since childhood but, ever since i could remember, i was in love with him but always too scared to admit it. of course, there were several where i nearly did, like when he was abducted by tobias hankel and was drugged but, i never ran with it because i am always scared of the potential outcome. what if this ruins our friendship with each other which then forces me to either resign from the fbi altogether or transfer into a completely different unit?

"spen...spence, we...we have a case, what are we doing just waiting here? more people are going to die if we don't join the rest of the team!" i stammer out as i tried to pull the both of us closer to the conference room so it didn't seem too suspicious as to why we were taking so long

"oh...oh yeah...yeah, you're right. we...we should probably join them!" spencer stammered out in a flustered babble of a sentence that i only managed to decipher

"it's a very mean and nasty place, and i don't care how tough you are; it will beat you to your knees, and keep you there permanently if you let it. you, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life."

one day, five hours and thirty minutes were how long it took for us to catch our murderously schizophrenic unsub and save the three kids that he had tried to murder because he thought they were the girls that bullied him. when really, the three girls were just high school girls that didn't even know the nineteen-year-old boy and didn't even go to the same high school that he graduated from. the only thing that connected the three girls to the unsub was their hair, eye colours and the fact that they were all sisters. just like the three girls that bullied the unsub those few years ago that became the stressor for his crimes.

the team was on the flight back to quantico where spencer and I were still carrying on with our conversation that we started that day, five hours and thirty minutes ago. of course, it looked and kind of sounded strange that spencer and i could continue a conversation for this long without forgetting anything but, that's just what we did. we've done it since we were young kids and, it sort of became our little language with each other that no one else could replicate. And, of course, with spencer and i's conversations, comes the winks, the suggestive eyebrow wiggles, and the gesticulations to tell spencer that i love him in more of a best friend way.

"but it ain't about how hard you can hit. it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. how much you can take and keep moving forward."

i smiled as spencer's speech slowed down but didn't falter as he continued talking. every single time, on the flight back from every case we have, i always forget how young spencer and i are. we're both only twenty-four, having only joined together at twenty-two, we're still yet to get to the physical stage as the rest of our agents but, we were still treated (somewhat) with the same respect that the rest of our team did. however, it did sometimes become a bother when we weren't even given the time of day by our own peers because of how young and "inexperienced" we are. the best thing, however, is when we outsmart the elder agents, seeing their reactions always make spencer and i smile and boost both of our egos just a little bit higher as it then forces the elder agent to stop doubting us and actually allows us to show them that anything they can do, we can do it just as better despite how young we are.

"whatcha thinking about, spencaroo, invite me into your wacky and wonderful brain? i wanna hear more!" i smile, ruffling spencer's hair in an awkward position due to the fact that spencer and i were cuddled up together, facing each other with my arm poking out from where our chests and my boobs met up in the middle

"is it weird to say you?" spencer whispered back but, apparently, derek's ears were turned on very well because what followed was a wolf whistle, making me flail my head into spencer's chest as he smiles, his hand moving to the back of my head to support it, making me smile into his chest

"not at all..." i mutter back just as quietly, making sure the rest of the team didn't hear it so they couldn't continue teasing us

"that's how winning is done."

whispering the last part of his speech that he was ever so proud of, spencer smiled as he lifted up my chin from his chest. however, it seemed as if he still wasn't finished and i could tell by the way his mouth twitched like it always did when he was thinking about what he was going to say next. i could only smile at him back, in a loving way, as he could preach or ramble to me all day every single day and i'd still get butterflies in my tummy and fall in love with him even more. because, no one else likes it when he rambles on and, i can tell how hurtful that is for him when no one wants to hear what he has to say. so, i always let him talk before i even think of what to say next because, spencer always has something important to say, whether it's relevance. anything spencer says is something worth hearing.

"now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. but, you gotta be willing to take the hits. and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. cowards do that, and that ain't you. you're better than that marianna."

we had finally landed back down in quantico and the rest of the team, rossi, prentiss, jj, garcia, morgan and hotch had all decided they were going to go out for drinks. they of course extended the invitation out to spencer and me but, we declined, we were absolutely shattered by the case, for we had been pretty much crying the entire flight home and we just needed to relax and comprehend everything. they agreed but of course, they couldn't forget the little tease, yet it seemed as if morgan noticed that it was the wrong place and he shut it down quickly when he noticed that we were going to be staying together, spencer and i, he knew the reason why and it wasn't for the reason that everyone else thought it was for. morgan knew the pain cases like this one, with schizophrenic unsubs, puts spencer through and that if he was home alone, it wouldn't be the best idea. for he'd have an emotional breakdown and tear down his apartment from top to bottom wondering why he couldn't help the poor boy before the unsub died due to a gunshot wound by his own hand. this is why, after cases that hit too close for spencer, i would stay with him, whether in his own apartment or mine, i'd never leave him alone and it was the same for me when a case hit too close to home for me. and it was something both of us always appreciated and it was something we had done since we first started together.

this was when, on our drive back home to spencer's apartment, he decided to end his little inspirational spiel of the entire day. and, in all honesty, i loved it, every single word of it. it rang absolutely true to the life we're living now and, if anything, this was something that needed to be told to everyone.

"that was really inspirational spence, i really mean that! you should tell the rest of the team this tomorrow morning, you'd get a very good reception i think, otherwise i'll make sure to all smack them and make sure hotch grounds them," i smile, a small giggle leaving my mouth from my joke as I moved down to spencer's face, my hand on his cheek as i kissed the opposite, running over to the couch so i could rest my legs

"th...thanks, marianna, tha...that was very sweet of you..." i faintly hear spencer whisper as he then stumbles over to his room to get changed as he hears me giggle to myself, that's when i understand why spencer was being so dramatic and what had happened

flashback over | marianna's pov

"...spence, spencaroo, you okay there buddy?" i whisper, sliding myself over to my best friend, he was cowering over himself and he looked sad, his eyes glassed over as we sat outside the house where our unsub had just killed our missing girl out of fear of morgan and the presence of the swat team

it wasn't until after i asked him if he was okay that i actually took a proper look at his face and he looked scared, upset, guilty, regretful at the scene that sat behind us as my shoulders fall sadly. holding his hand, in silent comfort, i just hoped that he would open up to me, whether it was soon or later.

it had been two years since spence, the team and i had faced a case with such intensity. but, even then, we were just walking out of the house, spencer and i, when we heard the gunshot that killed the little five-year-old girl. that scream that followed after the gunshot as the girl then fell to the floor i think was forever going to haunt spencer and me both for days, weeks, months and maybe even years to come because of how loud it was. i could tell it frightened spencer a lot more than it scared me, especially when i seemed to notice the tears which had welled up in his eyes falling down his cheeks. i clenched my jaw and tried to eliminate my emotions so i could let spencer articulate his as i pulled him closer to me whilst we sat down on the steps of the white picket, all-american family house.

"mar...marianna, is...is it normal that this is the most scared i've ever felt on a case?" spencer sniffles out as his shaky breath tells me that he was still crying, i gulp as i bite my lip, my heart breaking at the same time as i held spencer closer to my side as he cuddled in further

"oh, spence, of...of course it's normal to be scared, a five-year-old girl wasn't able to be saved from her psychosomatic father because he got frightened by the fbi and swat team. of course, it was going to be scary, this wasn't normal, that wasn't what we planned to happen." i reassured him softly as spencer let out a sob which broke my heart again, grabbing his head i pulled him into my lap so he could continue crying without drawing any attention to himself

"i...i, anna...still, i...i've never...never been this scared, what...what's going on?" spencer sobbed out quietly as i tried my hardest to comfort my best friend when i suddenly remembered the exact words from two years ago when we were twenty-four

"the world ain't all sunshine and rainbows, spence *spencer smiles as he lifts his head up, you had remembered what he told you* it's a very mean and nasty place and, i don't care how tough you are; it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. you, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life but, it ain't about hard you can hit. it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. how much you can take and keep moving forward, that's how winning is done *spencer wasn't crying as much for he knew he was safe with you* now if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. but, you gotta be willing to take the hits."

"and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. cowards do that, and that ain't you. you're better and smarter than that spence," i spoke with a smile on my face but with a stern voice so he knew that what he said to me when we were twenty-four, also applies to the both of us at twenty-six

"you...you remembered that, anna?" spencer sniffled once more as we held hands tightly as he gave me a small look of confusion and shock which made me giggle as I nodded my head

"how could I forget, spence? you are seriously an intelligent, inspirational human being, now, come on, we need to interrogate our unsub, we can't keep on crying over that little girl and we need to help the rest of our team, now can we?" i smile softly, standing up before helping pull spencer up from where we sat down on the steps as we moved over to our suv for our drive back to headquarters - an exact coda of two years ago happening again except, the other way around

that's how winning is done..."

- - -

this was a little crappy but, once again, your girl is running out of ideas and i'm sick and tired of relying on and recycling my old imagines.

ok ily bye xx

word count: 3125

#dr spencer reid x reader #criminal minds

5 notes · View notes

marcussenmarshall75 · 29 days

Text

5 Reasons You Should Stop Looking For A Work In Your Own Job

Feeling like there's something that's just not quite there yet in how you're about this entire online dating thing? Tin Top Gia Lai AZ As I set my goals, I surround myself with individuals who are on must not path in life that I am on. Change your profile picture and greeting occasionally, add photos to your photo album, and login regularly--this won't get you noticed, nevertheless it will help others get a more varied and up-to-date idea of the things constitutes the real you. View More: topgialaiaz.com - Top Gia Lai AZ Reviewed by Team Leader in Top Gia Lai AZ: Nguyễn Thị Lê Thủy - Nguyen Thi Le Thuy Look for razors keeping the car safe guard wires over the blades reduce the likelihood of cuts and nicks and skin soreness. Blades with a platinum chrome finish maintain their sharpness. As a webmaster, protecting yourself from link cheating is very time consuming and infuriating. Of course, you can check every site you linked to and the firm is accredited your link has been added to it site. While this is time consuming, even along with a "link checker" tool, and that you will not find your link even if it's there! Or, if job find underneath you can follow together with a polite email. And, if you aren't getting a response within full week or two, you can remove their link originating from a website. Unfortunately, by then you've got been promoting the other site(s) just for a month a lot more and getting zero frequently. Link cheating. View More: topgialaiaz.com - Top Gia Lai AZ Reviewed by Team Leader in Top Gia Lai AZ: Nguyễn Thị Lê Thủy - Nguyen Thi Le Thuy These 4 marketing myths can a person to to lose sales seeking base your marketing decisions on these people. But the related marketing tips I contain each myth will raise your sales should you act for them instead. In instances this unpleasant method is permanent. It can be painful. Also it could be expensive depending on his or her size of the area to be treated. Should always get professional treatment refrain from skin trouble. Results: Permanent. Believe it or not, being an online Gia Lai Viet Nam dater lengthier places you on the fringes of society or in the group. Online dating has grown up and moved in the mainstream, indicates you can now happily feel the face-saving qualifiers of past times online are increasingly being obsolete. And, more importantly, just realize that they don't help your cause when meeting others online. Top Gia Lai AZ News Ya know, that gray matter in between the ears? That's your noodle. Use which! Be smart, be cautious, and follow our safety guidelines, your instincts, and the spirit in your dating interest. Shaving removes the tapered end with the hair in order that it feels sharp and stubbly when it seems like again on top of the skin. Perhaps give the sense it increasing out effective. The letter "M" means Momentum, and created by you. You must create Momentum inside your life for yourself, to formulate your Why, as part of your family, within your success, for your finances, for your health.YOU create Push! Tin tong hop Top Gia Lai AZ No one else does it for you personally personally. You aren't a surfer waiting around the next wave to come in. Top Gia Lai AZ 247 You and only you've got to create person Momentum to operate a vehicle you toward creating your Miracle! Final word: It must be said that many individual responds to shaving differently. Really seriously . because an individual's hair texture, rate of growth, and skin sensitivity are more advanced than the next person. So give shaving time and experiment with various accessories if you do not find the kinds that really suit you giving you with a close shave with minimal damage or irritation towards the skin.

youtube

Website owners and webmasters who are endeavoring to strengthen their search engine ranking by trading links with other sites should don't use being cheated. Beware of link colluding with other players. What is link an affair? In Canada, exports are "zero-rated" sales for Gary the gadget guy.S.T. purposes. This means whenever you ship a product to someone outside Canada, you don't charge D.S.T. Yet, you get to claim (or deduct from the G.S.T. collected by you) all the "input tax credits" (G.S.T. that you paid for business purposes) to make that foreign trade. The idea, I suppose, is to encourage dispatching.

Affiliate marketing is trying to get for ordinary people start making cash on the Web site. After finding an affiliate program offering products you are looking at promoting, you can begin an enterprise with just a website. So that total investment up up to now may just be registering to have a domain name and covering a web hosting account. Tip: Shop for Gia Lai Viet Nam some low-cost ways could enhance the perceived value of your services or products. Then test raising your price. Don't be surprised if both your sales and your profit margin go high. Some physicians do not recommend hair waxing for persons stricken by diabetes or who have varicose veins or poor circulation whilst are weaker to problems. E-mail are so quick uncomplicated to write and send, that each and every give it the same attention once we would a printed page. It's VERY important to make sure any communication you send to clients, customers, and prospects represents you only in good light. Don't believe these 4 marketing myths. They're not truthful. Marketing based to them will cause you to lose sales. Instead, apply the related marketing tips I included after each myth to boost your data processing. Now, if good grammar isn't your strength, be concerned! I write and edit for a living, reliable stuff is my box. My point is that certainly *check and double-check* all communications you send out out, or you risk blowing your believability. Avoid showering and need to hair wet prior to waxing. Hair absorbs the water making it soft and less likely to stick well towards wax. Tough hair is less complicated to accomplish. View More: topgialaiaz.com - Top Gia Lai AZ Reviewed by Team Leader in Top Gia Lai AZ: Nguyễn Thị Lê Thủy - Nguyen Thi Le Thuy Written By Author in topgialaiaz.com: Dương Hồ Nam - Duong Ho Nam Written By Author in topgialaiaz.com: Lê Thị Huyền - Le Thi Huyen

#Top Gia Lai AZ #Gia Lai

1 note · View note

lockedcasket · 1 year

Text

WHY CAN'T I STAND OUTSIDE

There's been a recent discussion about a 'third place' which has ceased to exist in the United States: a place which is not home or work where any person may visit without the expectation of paying.

A third place has been covered in length of which I will lists some of reads below

But what I want to know is: WHY CAN'T I STAND OUTSIDE

While a third place is a part of the solution, I would like to examine a few ways why I can't stand outside

1. Private Property

I cannot stand outside because I do not own land.

By far the most unavoidable obstacle in my path. You cannot write this post without mentioning it; it is the omnipresent force that makes up our economy and simultaneously works to dissuade it's subjects from revolution. In some states, its value greater than life itself. Texas's notorious Castle Doctrine for example allows one to claim self-defense when defending property which can extend to trespassing under the right circumstances (hint: it doesn't take much)

I cannot stand outside because every step is accounted for by someone: it is either owned, leased, or in escrow by someone or entity who would like me to stand elsewhere. Even land which is not in 'use' is fenced off with trespassing signs littered about.

Heaven forbid someone enjoys land without explicit permission! Gasps

The land reform act of 2003 in Scotland is an example of a measure which can be enacted while under the current rule of private property: it enables the free roam of peoples in Scotland under a reasonable degree with exceptions.

Such a measure enacted in the United States could allow me to stand outside without endangering myself or breaking the law.

2. There aren't any sidewalks

I cannot stand outside because there is nowhere to stand.

There's a fundamental problem with a society when asking why I can't stand outside you realize there isn't any places to stand in the first place.

You'll find that in some towns in the United States, public transport and sidewalks were removed to make room for more parking spaces.

Even the word sidewalk conjures thoughts of a second-class

to be aside the priority: Cars

I digress. Car-centric culture will be addressed another time.

I yearn for walkways stretching from one end of the city to the other; Alive with people walking or bicycling to their destinations. A curated social path for a sense of community within a society can be encapsulated in their walkways (or lack thereof).

Walkable cities built for the communities they serve would allow me to stand outside.

3. Loitering Laws

I cannot stand outside because it is illegal.

Laws which forbid an individual from residing in the last refuge from private enterprise are referred to as loitering laws.

They have their own labels and justification in their respective countries (not entirely a u.s. issue). Some call them loitering, vagrancy, rogue, or vagabond laws but are all used one in the same

a tool to corral and harass the marginalized underclass.

I've linked below to Anti-Racism Daily's write-up on the history of loitering in the US and its roots in the Jim Crow-era 'Black Codes.'

The fact of the matter is loitering laws and its aliases can be seen as an extension of existing trespassing laws to control the movement of specific groups at anytime.

That is of course, unless you're a wealthy landowner. wink

I cannot stand outside because I do not own any land. I cannot find a place to stand because the landlords and lawmakers have ripped out the sidewalks. I cannot stand outside because landlords and lawmakers have made it illegal for me to stand outside.

Links:

https://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2014/04/13/the-pros-and-cons-of-gentrification/every-community-deserves-a-third-place

https://www.brookings.edu/blog/up-front/2016/09/14/third-places-as-community-builders/

https://the-ard.com/2022/05/31/the-jim-crow-roots-of-loitering-laws/

#essays #anti capitalism #socialism #rant #lockedcasket #loitering #i hate it here

1 note · View note

gregersenlittle12 · 1 year

Text

qcast mirror

For almost three years now, I felt something tugging within conscious mind.I would down play the uncomfortable half good /half bad feeling and chalk it roughly some associated with confidence in myself, for not having a developed plan as to where existence was headed upon leaving this secure place. Fruit fly and codlin moth in apples are the ones to beware of. Remove any fallen fruit that may harbour their little eggs or maggots. Ensure that the orchard area is neat and you'll avoid many roadblocks. Now is a good time believe some companion planting. Green Harvest possess a wonderful "Good Bug Mix" of seeds to sow around your fruit trees and at the veggie garden. It's a mixture of continual flowering herbs and plants permits attract the natural predators. Worth getting group of wild or two. Understand in which you really realize what fresh for. Plenty of people want to require a great services that has a budget promoting. You will ability to find them, anyone will obtain a production from. However, combined with the work for the photographer and the videographer will represent your lasting memories, I would recommend getting those that price although industry. Since if your photographer or videographer is charging industry rates then they've known what industry professionals are defined although. Which means they will have commercial industry equipment and along with commercial industry editing software, and they'll be familiarized with creative image resolution. wirecast pro Activation Key Free sets them a part and may well be worth the training investment. Your pictures and videos will not be point and simple click. They will accessories and stunning. You additionally access video sharing websites, such as YouTube for you are a lot of beginner drummer lessons available via streaming video. And, wirecast pro Activation Code Free about this strategy is that it's absolutely gratis. You can also find plenty of tips on how to play the drums as well as learn because of the different techniques that aren't usually taught in traditional private drum lessons. While Cleaning it once a to ingest everything, Particular I missed some nifty stuff because was all just so overwhelming. However, I did try to spotlight two things: new Windows Mobile devices and UMPCs. I the lot for this "Online MLM" folks are simply skipping entire body because they presume that these only dealing with "entrepreneurs" or people who are in MLM before to allow them to are adequate these arguments. OK here is your aftermath call. In case the whole downline is contains people who jumped ship to organization.enjoy the ride for a short time but just when believe things will great, folks will jump from your company and your income will drop faster than throwing an anvil out 10 story building. You must find backyard gardeners usually wonder NEVER experienced MLM before now. This is where you create loyalty. Loyalty because wirecast pro their life better so that they stick with you and corporation. wirecast pro Cracked Download improved meals and drinks immediately. The signal meter shot to it's highest for web site HD title we streamed and to the top associated with the standard def level on the non-HD titles. The Hi-Def titles look amazing over the Netflix streaming, but good packaged offers def titles still seem just a tad soft even although the signal meter on the participant is showing the best signal. Let me to experiment by moving the location of the Netgear station to an alternative location with my house during the same electrical circuit as being player - fortunately, I've some options here because I have hardwired Ethernet jacks at several locations throughout my home. Divide the transcription into articles useful in person newsletter or post on article article submission sites. Always include links back to your website or with products an individual promoting. Content is a great means of online promotion because man or woman reading has already shown they are interested in doing what you have to say. And articles don't always require to be free. It is known as a report and you can sell it too.

#WIRECAST PRO

1 note · View note

sychstarfish · 2 years

Text

Hello, I'm (insert name here), and I'm addicted to the internet...

Hey everyone and welcome back!

When does your presence and being active online become a problem? In my last blog, spoke about homophily. By definition, homophily is the tendency for people to seek out or be attracted to those who are similar to us (Davcevski, 2018). If you're unfamiliar with this and this is your first time on my blog, I'll leave the link down below.

RED FLAG WARNING

Feeling connected with others on the Internet can be positive, Most social media platforms form an algorithm that appeals to your personal preferences. Think of these platforms as the highlight reel of your life. Do you find yourself constantly comparing? With every like does it validate your feelings of yourself (undefined [TEDx Talks], 2017)? At what point do you have to put yourself in check? You may find yourself losing your own identity online and changing your self-worth to have the approval of others. With a constant preference for certain groups or beliefs, it is easy to become isolated and lose your critical thinking skills. The concept behind this is called siloing or isolating others based on their beliefs. Once your critical thinking skills are lost your thinking becomes flawed. So let’s talk about the potential risks associated with this (Davcevski, 2018):

Polarized Thinking: Thinking as Good or Bad, not in between.

Filtering: Only seeing the negative

Overgeneralization: Not looking at the evidence and where it came from.

Mind Reading: Assuming what people think about you without hearing it from them.

Catastrophizing: Always expecting the worst.

Personalization: Thinking that everything people say or do is some kind of reaction to you.

Control Fallacies: seeing yourself as a helpless victim of fate, if you are externally controlled, in contrast to being internally controlled you feel responsible for the pain and happiness of everyone around you.

Fallacy Of Fairness: You feel resentful because you think that you know what's fair.

Blaming: Holding other people responsible for your pain.

Should: You have a list of rules about how everyone should act.

Preventing Risks and Social Media Wellness

Understanding the risks can potentially help you maintain a healthy online experience and presence on social media. In B. Parnell’s Tedx Talks, she discusses four easy steps to social media wellness:

Recognize the problem: Questioning is this right or wrong?

Audit your Social Media Diet: Check yourself, don’t allow social media to become your entire life and distance you from reality.

Create a better online experience: Purge your social media, removing negative parts of social media that make you feel bad about yourself.

Model good behavior: Respect others, be positive, and reframe from bullying, hate, and other negative behaviors.

Hopefully, after you finish reading this, you take away a sense of awareness and knowledge of the red flags of the potential risks of social media platforms, and how to implement healthy interactions online. Feel free to send a message to me or check out the links below. Have a great day everyone!

References:

Davcevski, D. (2018, July 10). 10 Most Common Flaws Of Thinking That Distort Your Reality. Life Coach Code. Retrieved September 6, 2022, from https://www.lifecoachcode.com/2018/07/10/most-common-flaws-of-thinking/

undefined [TEDx Talks]. (2017, June 22). Is Social Media Hurting Your Mental Health? | Bailey Parnell | TEDxRyersonU. YouTube. Retrieved September 6, 2022, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Czg_9C7gw0o

#mental health #social platform #social media #ted talks #psychology #positivity #self care #critical thinking

0 notes

gywin97 · 2 years

Text

Why it’s Autism/ASD, not Asperger’s

Hey I know it’s almost the end of Autism Awareness / Acceptance month but I wanted to clarify something for all my non-autistic followers:

It’s Autism or ASD.

NOT Asperger’s, or Asperger’s Syndrome.

Why?

Well, dear readers, because the man who created/named the syndrome, this spiffy looking guy here:

He was Hans Asperger, and he was linked to the Nazi’s and their attempts to euthanize autistic children in Nazi Vienna.

His view on autistic kids was dehumanizing, to say the least. Asperger is quoted as describing one autistic child as “very difficult, psychopathic boy of a kind which is not frequent among small children.”

Asperger also refereed to the autistic kids as “Abnormal children,” who had “Autistic psychopathy.”

He shot through the ranks during the second world war, as more and more of his Jewish colleagues were removed from their positions, eventually becoming the national authority on autistic children. After the war he spruced up his image, claiming he had been ‘saving’ the children’ and expressing how ‘talented’ he thought autistic children could be.

He was basically taken at his word, and Hans Asperger was seen as a hero for decades.

And then H. Czech discovered government documents showing the true extent of his involvement with the Nazi party and ideology.

(Here’s the official academic paper he wrote: https://molecularautism.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13229-018-0208-6)

Asperger’s work – how he viewed autism and his views of autistic children being ‘unbearable burdens’ to their families - is sadly still reflected today in anti-Autistic discourse. His quotes and ideas are still floating around on you’re Auntie’s Facebook feed, or being re-hashed by alt-right political twits.

I’ve heard some historians and doctors trying to defend him, saying he was never a ‘official’ member of the party (ie, a registered, card-carrying member) but that doesn’t actually mean much.

Think of this: how many people do you know who agree with or support a political party, but aren’t ‘officially’ registered as Republican or Democratic voters?

Exactly.

And in 2009, government records were found where the Nazi Party vouched for his loyalty, even though he was not a public member.

( I don’t care if he thought of himself as a Nazi. As a general rule of thumb, if the fuckin Nazi’s eugenics team gives you a official thumbs up, you should probably stop what your doing and re-evaluate several life choices )

So that debate’s gone kaput.

This is the official document from the 3rd Reich, stating their trust in Hans Asperger as someone “in tune with the project’s sensibilities.” (link below)

Understandably, a lot of autistic people – myself included – don’t want to be named after him. We don’t want to associate ourselves with someone who had such a negative and lasting impact on our community.

Imagine if instead of calling Jewish people Jewish, we said they were ‘Adolfer’s,’ or they had ‘Adolf’s Syndrome.’

That would be insane, you say! Why would you name a entire group of people after someone who actively acted against them?!?! Who hated them, dehumanized them, and saw them as naturally inferior to the larger population?? Who was willing to send them to their deaths, one by one, because he so deeply believed they needed to be removed from society??!

And now you’re getting the idea of why some people are so upset by the term.

I know the term was accepted for a very long time. If your someone who grew up with the term ‘Aspie,’ it’s up to you to decide what you want to be called. I can’t tell you what to do, or how to label yourself.

I just want people to understand the history and baggage that comes with the term ‘Aspergers.’ Don’t forget the death and suffering that still clings to that term, and don’t let his crimes OR his victims be forgotten.

For more reading, I suggest Asperger’s Children: The Origins of Autism in Nazi Vienna. It’s about $11.00 on Amazon Kindle.

Or free online links (and places I got the quotes from):

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/apr/19/hans-asperger-aided-and-supported-nazi-programme-study-says (Where the photo was taken from)

https://time.com/5255779/asperger-syndrome-nazi-germany-history/

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/new-evidence-ties-hans-asperger-nazi-eugenics-program/

Thank you for sticking with this long-ass post, and happy autism acceptance month!

#autism #ASD #autism awareness #Aspergers #aspie

155 notes · View notes

eulangelo · 3 years

Text

callout for @genderfluidlucifer

google docs

tw for transmisogyny + TERFs + emotional manipulation

Transmisogyny

Lucifer is a huge transmisogynist who will complain 24/7 about how TERFs hurt the ace community, but the moment @randomclustermissile , a trans girl (who is not an exclusionist at all) tries to point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles (in the most vague and general way possible, without pointing fingers nor calling anyone names) Lucifer will immediatly jump to block her and so they did with me (another inclusionist) and i have to suppose to everyone else who agreed with that post, even arriving to vagueing about us in private group chats to suggest that we were “sympathizing with exclusionists”. all because we dared point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles. lucifer is TME but apparently they think they’re the authority on TERFs and their talking points but actual trans women are not, according to them, since this is the stuff that they would go and spew to other people. (screenshots from @enbyoctoling)

here’s more examples of Lucifer (again, a transmasc person) going deep in detail about how according to them, TERFs/SWERFs hate aro/ace people and are an active threat to us

1. link

[Image ID: Three screenshots of a post by Genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot is of a paragraph that reads, "Hey. So I can actually answer this. Anon your commentary about how you thought terfs would approve of sex repulsed aces is sort of it. Except...not. Basically terfs hate ace people for not wanting sex in the approved by terfs way. Terfs are actually extremely interested in [forcing] amatonormativity onto everyone. Because for as sex negative as terfs are...they don't want to actually acknowledge or change the fact that amatonormativity is at the root cause of rape culture and misogyny."

The second screenshot is a zoomed in section of the post that reads, "So yeah no I have NO idea where exclus allies are getting this idea from that terfs would even remotely care about the sexual rights of ace people. Terfs generally hate any sexualities in the LGBTQ+ acronym that aren't LGB because they can't force a gender binary onto those sexualities. At least, not as easily. That's why it's actually a massive sign of someone who doesn't call themselves a terf being a crypto terf if they use the term LGB in a positive manner. Along with the term SGA, as it is deliberately exclusive of nonbinary and not inherently SGA centric queer-aligned sexualities. /END ID]

link to the full post, these are just excerpts but the whole thing is just a very long rant about how TERFs hate ace people and so on (i think it’s worth noticing that although the actual post is kinda long, trans women are never once brought op in a conversation about TERFs issues and the only time transmisogyny is mentioned is not relevant to the conversation)

2. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is nothorses. It reads, "Because apparently I have to say it: Testosterone is not a 'violent' hormone. It doesn't make you 'more aggressive' or a worse person, it doesn't make you 'dangerous,' or 'toxic.' Transmascs do not need to be 'warned of the dangers of T.' We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that we're going to become a danger to those around us - that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.

Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesn't make you a bad person.

Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if you're already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, you're going to be fine. It's normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, then apologize and work to do better. It doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.

Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster."

The post then has a reblog by captainlordauditor that reads, "The big danger of T is that needle ouchy." /END ID]

here’s them reblogging from known transmisogynist user @nothorses (once again, the irony that a post about how testosterone is seen as the "aggressive hormone" does not mention transfem at all which are literally the main victims of this rethoric in the first place)

3. link (1), link (2)

[Image ID: Two screenshots of posts by genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot reads, "Queer exclus: We're not repackaging terf rhetoric! Saying that is transmisogynistic! Also queer exclus: Remove the plus from LGBT!" and has tags that say, "I will pay these people to grow some god damn self awareness. Imagine being this dense. Queer discourse." The post has 15 notes.

The second screenshot reads, "Honestly it is so stupid and frustrating to see ace exclus continue to deny that the ace discourse was started by terfs. Proof was given countless times. And a big name terf like galesofnovember even admitted to starting it. Those of you who demand proof but ignore all of this never wanted proof to begin with." and is tagged with, "ace discourse. The post has 38 notes. /END ID]

heres another two post of theirs conflating TERFs with ace exclusionism

4. link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblogged post by furbearingbrick. The original poster is boxlizard, Lucifer's old account. The original post reads, "By the way for people still in denial about it, here's galesofnovember, a terf, admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement. She's taking credit for it. Normally if the victims of this behavior weren't ace/aro or other queer identities y'all be ready to rightfully lynch her. But since it's us, y'all just still wanna stamp your feet and go, 'Nuh uh!' instead of acknowledging facts." The part that says, "admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement" is a link to a galesofnovember post.

There is then a reblogged addition from furbearing brick that reads, "archived versions of the receipts" and has two links to the webarchive. The tags read, "Bringing this back since it's apparently still relevant. Terfism mention. Aphobia mention. Queerphobia mention. Blocklist." and has 1,455 notes. /END ID]

this is their post that ive already talked about but basically they found a 52 notes post made by a TERF in 2012 and this one person said "i dont know why i dont get to be the princess of the anti-ace-brigade" and apparently they are convinced that this means TERFs started the ace exclusionism movement and that this is one of their goals. which is insane when TERFs in real life only care about making life miserable for transfem people first and foremost.

5.link

[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is yu-gay-fudo. It reads, “Just in case you happen to be unaware, some of the “radfem lite” they post to warm you up to their rhetoric, just off the top of my head:

- Ace/aro exclusionism

- Bi exclusionism or claims that bi people are “less queer” bc of “straight passive privilege”

- Saying you have to be dysphoric to identify as transInvalidating nonbinary people

- Calling queer a slur regardless of context, saying people can’t identify as queer, and saying that it can’t be reclaimed

- “Mogai hell”, “kweer”, or otherwise mocking less common labels and claiming they are “just cishets who want to feel special”

- Excluding sex workers from feminist discussions or claiming that sex work is inherently evil

- Basically anyone who thinks they can determine what other people identify as”. The tags read, "queerphobia tw. twerfs tw. no id." and has 70,727 notes. It was reblogged on March 22nd, 2021 /END ID]

another example of conflating radfems to things that, while wrong, have little to nothing to do with them because being a radfem, again, is something very specific that has all to do with transfem oppression.

Emotional manipulation

Lucifer has done nothing but block, break boundaries, spread lies and vague about people, some of which were even mutuals with them knowing they would see the posts. when confronted about it Lucifer's only answer was "just say you hate me and block me" but they actually ended up blocking everyone first, making it impossible for anyone to set some boundaries with them or even just to calmly confront them about anything.

[proof: Io(popncourse) and Lucifer had a disagreement in a shared discord server, which prompted Lucifer to vague Io in a vent post. Io confronted them, as being vagued is one of buns triggers, to which Lucifer initially agreed to delete the vent post, but then proceeded to victimize themself and immediatly blocked Io. later on, Jude(malewifedeckard) was confronted by Lucifer, then after Jude told them “I’m worried that you’ll vague me just like you did with Io” they proceeded to block Jude and vagued about him too. when Io made a post (which was not a callout, it was just bun setting buns boundaries) explaining what Lucifer did, Lucifer immediatly jumped to victimize themself, acting like they were being called out and straight-up lying, even going so far as to say that no one tried to hear them out, which is a blatant lie if you consider the aforementioned Io and Jude’s attempts at doing so, with Lucifer immediatly blocking and cutting ties with the both of them. ]

(screenshots taken by @popncourse and @malewifedeckard)

as seen in the proof above Lucifer’s behaviour is not ok because they don’t accept any kind of confrontation and immediatly jump to blocking, and after blocking, they'd immediatly go and vague about the people who confronted them pacificly, spreading more lies and painting themself as the victim and even arriving to say “no one hears me out at all” which is simply not something you can say when you block people who are trying to hear you out in the first place.

this is by no means an invitation to go and harass them, send them hate or anything like that. i absolutely don’t want anything even remotely hateful or negative to be sent their way after this post.

this post was only made because:

1. as an ace person who fully supports the inclusion of aspec identities in the lgbt+ community i don’t want to support an enviroment that costantly downplays transmisogynistic oppression in order to be taken seriously. there are hundreds of ways to make aspec activism without acting like we(as in TME aspecs)are the victims of a system that seeks for the annihilation of transfemenine people in real life everyday. i especially don’t want to support TME individuals who act transfem-friendly but then block any transfem who tries to speak on transmisogyny without a second thought.

2. Lucifer’s behaviour has hurt two friends of mine and i don’t want to associate with someone who actively breaks people’s boundaries without taking accountability when messing up.

3. i cannot associate with someone who spreads lies about me accusing me of sympathizing with exclusionists all while having me blocked so that i can’t see it nor defend me. they complain about people not hearing them out but they’re the very first person who does not try to hear people out, and instead jumps to spread baseless rumors. this is not someone i can nor want to associate with.

(image descriptions provided by @malewifedeckard)

#genderfluidlucifer #transmisogyny tw #terfs tw #ask to tag #txt #long post #ok to rb

351 notes · View notes

blindbeta · 3 years

Text

Blind / Low Vision Person’s Review of “Blind” by Rachel DeWoskin and Why Writers Should Not Underestimate the Benefits of a Sensitivity Reader

[Content warnings: spoilers for the book. Ableism. Brief mention of an accident involving eye trauma. Mentions of suicide. Stereotypes about blind people. Also this review, because I focused on the portrayal of blindness, comes across negatively. Please know that I have no hate for the author and might even read another book she wrote. However, I did not like the way this book portrayed blindness and, as difficult as it is, I wanted to be honest in my review.]

I struggled with the title, and I’m not even sure benefits is the appropriate word. What I want to convey here is not Brought to You By Big Sensitivity Reader Company vibes, but more This Book Was Not Good and It Needed a Sensitivity Reader Very Badly vibes.

Blind is about Emma Silver, a high school student who goes blind in a traumatic accident. Here is a good summary and review by a blind person. I listened to the audiobook, which was narrated well. I’ll start by saying this will only be a review of the portrayal of blindness — I’ll try to leave my other opinions out just to keep things focused.

Unfortunately, focusing on just blindness means that it will not make this review more positive, because this book is about a blind girl recovering from going blind. In a way that is both inauthentic and swerves well out of the author’s lane. I say that because, as I hope will become apparent, this book consists of main character Emma being sad about being blind for the majority of the book. The book doesn’t simply have a character who goes blind. That is the main character’s entire arc.

This is a long review. However, I believe it will be invaluable for my readers and anyone who is interested in writing a blind character. Because this book passes most of my minimum standards for writing blind characters and was still lacking due to many factors, including stereotypes. I included many sub-headings so you can find specific topics easily.

Helpful Links

I include these links in the review. I’ll list them here for easy finding.

Here are two reviews of the book by blind readers: one and two.

Here is a video of the author talking about some of research she did for the book.

Here is my post Things I Want to See More Of / Less Of.

Here is my post about writing a blind character adjusting to being blind and being all sad about it when you aren’t blind yourself.

And finally, here is the post I shared that lists misconceptions about blind people.

The Author

The author, Rachel Dewoskin, is not blind. I did as much research as I could, but even if I hadn’t done so before reading the book, it was obvious she wasn’t blind herself. There are too many inaccuracies and offensive moments. This becomes a problem not because her MC was blind, but because she told a blind person’s story and used tropes in ways I think would be better off written by a blind person. If I’m going to read a story like this, I don’t want to read it from the perspective of a person who isn’t blind. When I get into the details of what went wrong, I hope you’ll see why.

Did the author do her research? Yes. The author met with blind people, clearly researched assistive technology and cane skills, and even taught herself contracted Braille. She talks a little about it in this video.

In fact, I wanted to say I am so impressed and grateful this author immersed herself in things like Braille and cane skills. None of my followers have shared that they went to a Lighthouse For the Blind or taught themselves to read Braille or spoken so passionately about why they loved it.

But sometimes research falls short. Or it is simply not enough.

That’s why I’m writing this review. For you writers writing blind characters when you aren’t blind. Because while the author clearly had good intentions, while the author clearly did her research and put in the time to learn and listen in ways I don’t think many of my followers have yet — the book was not authentic enough for me.

This book needed several sensitivity readers. If it had any, I would be surprised.

The Cover

The audiobook seems to have Braille on the cover, but I can’t tell if it is accessible or simply a picture of Braille. The cover features the word Blind in white print on a black background, with what seems to be Braille in rainbow colors that also spell out the title. I’ll reserve judgment here, since I don’t know the answer. If the Braille is tactile, then the cover is fantastic.

In the video I linked, the author seems to be holding the hardcover edition of the book with Braille on the cover. I can’t tell if the Braille is actually tactile or not.

What I Liked About the Book

I wanted to list a few things I liked about the book.

1. The main character is Jewish.

2. Emma has a large family full of well-developed characters and realistic portrayals of various ages. Everyone reacts uniquely to her blindness and I thought these characters were all used well. The scenes with Emma and her older sisters as well as the scenes with her mom were really great.

3. Emma gets therapy for her trauma. She also gets training to use a cane. These are annoyingly rare in stories.

4. As I said, the author clearly did her research. This is obvious when reading the book and In everything I found when researching the author after I finished it. I want to give the author praise here. I thought her explanations of technology Emma uses were the most accurate I have seen so far, both in books and when doing sensitivity reads.

What I Didn’t Like

I will start with this: Emma, after a year of learning to use her cane, is still using a cane inside her own house. After a year. This is not realistic, nor does it seem comfortable at all to use a cane in one’s own home. I don’t know anyone who does this and according to the other reviews, I am not the only one who was surprised by this.

Basically, this story would be okay with some inaccuracies. That’s to be expected. The real issue I had with this book was that it uses tropes the blind community generally hates and that the book is literally about !!! a character going blind and adapting. That’s the story. If you remove the blindness and the trauma, the story falls apart.

The author told a story that was not hers to tell and she did so badly.

If you are confused about why I dislike this, please read this post called Writing Blind Characters Accepting Being Blind When You Aren’t Blind Yourself.

What Did The Author Do Badly?

Trauma and Blindness

The story starts when main character, Emma, goes blind after a fireworks accident. Not only is this cliché, but it also tics one of my boxes in my Things I Want To See Less of post. This author wrote about a character going blind due to a traumatic accident. Link to the post.

In telling a story that was not hers to tell, here are some harmful things in the book:

The author does not do a good job of separating Emma’s trauma from her blindness. To be fair, this is difficult and most people don’t know to go about doing so with purpose. There are a lot of times in the book where the fact that Emma is traumatized leads to her saying a lot of terrible things about blindness and blind people that are never corrected or contradicted in the story. Again, if you are not sure why this is a problem, read the link I shared to my post.

Here are a few times this issue came up:

-Emma develops a habit of rocking, which myself and many reviewers know to attribute to trauma, but it isn’t clear if the author thinks blind people rock, as the stereotype indicates. Is Emma rocking as a trauma response or because she is blind? The book doesn’t make it clear. This is a time where authors need to be clear.

-Emma assumed she will never get a job, be kissed, get married, etc, after going blind.

-Emma yells about being ruined due to her blindness. The first two hours of the audiobook consist of Emma complaining about being blind. She mentions never being able to get a job a few times, assuming she won’t be able to work. While blind people do struggle with employment, this is due to discrimination, lack of transportation, lack of accommodations, lack of community support, and other systemic issues.

-Emma calls herself disfigured.

-Emma states she wanted to die. In another part of the book, when a background character we never met, Claire, completed suicide, Emma wonders if she was so focused on Claire because she wondered if she wanted to kill herself too.

-On the subject of the character, Claire, Emma states: “How easy would being gay be compared to being blind?”

This is especially damaging because some people are blind and gay. It also isn’t fair for Emma to compare them and the systemic issues that are faced by blind people and gay people. Emma not only trivializes homophobia, but also decides being blind is worse. For Emma, being blind is the worst thing ever, which is very isolating to read.

There are times where the fact that Emma is traumatized was not only grouped in with her blindness, but where the author used trauma to write ideas about blindness that are ultimately harmful.

This book, if readers of the blog want to read it, should be a lesson on why separating trauma from blindness is important. Whether that means making clear distinctions in the narrative itself or just not writing about a character going blind after a traumatic accident.

Let’s continue the overall things done badly.

Stereotypes and Tropes About Blind People

1. Rocking —

I have already mentioned the rocking thing above, but to reiterate here, not all blind people rock to orient themselves.

2. Touching Faces —

Emma and another blind character literally feel each other’s faces, one of the most hated tropes for blind people. In another scene, Emma feels another character’s face without asking.

3. Where Are the Audio Descriptions? —

Emma compares her life to a horror movie she couldn’t watch. This is a subtle reinforcement of the idea that blind people don’t watch films or television. The book makes no mention of audio descriptions. I suppose Emma and all the other blind characters simply don’t watch films or shows anymore.

4. Supposedly Fake Service Dogs —

Emma gets a dog that is specifically said to not be a guide dog. Emma brings this dog to restaurants and to school. Emma explains that she can get away with bringing her dog because no one wants to tell the blind kid no. This was, as you may be able to imagine, frustrating to read. Plenty of blind people have been denied access to transportation and buildings with a guide dog that is supposed to be able to travel freely. Emma’s blindness would absolutely not be a big help to her in bringing her dog places where it is not allowed. In showing Emma getting away with bringing her dog into restaurants when he is explicitly not a service dog, the author is contributing to a huge myth that prevents actual service dogs from traveling freely. Yes, this is only a book and it probably isn’t falling into the hands of someone powerful — however, it has probably been picked up by a business owner, a driver for public transport, a teacher, etc.

5. Avoiding words like see and look —

Emma avoids words like see and look. She also gets angry at her friends for using such words. At one point, Emma’s friend says something and Emma snaps, “I can’t see”. This prompts her friend to, according to Emma, never make that mistake again. Toward the end of the book, Emma is still avoiding such words.

Here is a list of misconceptions about blind people. Look at #6.

Here is another review of this book that also touches on this issue. The reviewer states: “The strange thing is that I’ve never known any blind person avoiding the use of words like “see” or “look.” Again, I’d hate for sighted people to read this book and think that blind folk all avoid words with visual associations; in fact, the only blind friends I talk to moan about sighted people avoiding the use of such visual words because they think we’ll be offended!”

6. All Blind People Are Apparently Totally Blind —

At one point in the story, Emma attends a school for the blind. Another character, who I think was Emma’s mother, says that the campus is beautiful. Emma makes this remark: “Why bother making a school for the blind beautiful? It’s lost on everyone anyway.”

Wow, Emma, that was rude. This is another example of where Emma’s pain and anger cause issues for readers. If they take this at face value, they may think that blind people don’t notice or appreciate beauty. More importantly, they might also assume, like Emma, that all blind people can’t see. As I have stated many times on this blog, most blind people have residual vision. Not everyone is totally blind. This is why, like beautiful grounds, schools for the blind also have things like stairs with high contrast.

7. Subtle Use of the Idea That People With Low Vision Should Rather Strain Themselves Than Be Blind —

This one was less obvious for me. However, once I thought about it again, I understood what I was reading in this character. There’s a rather outgoing character named Seb whose personality is very refreshing in this story. Seb attends the school for the blind with Emma. Seb has low vision.

So Seb wants to get a job. Remember how Emma was afraid she wouldn’t be able to get a job now that she is blind?

Instead of showing Seb getting a job to prove that idea wrong, he knows he has to conveniently not mention being blind when he applies, showing up in sunglasses and without a cane. The book states he worries he wouldn’t be able to fill out the application.

Here is what the book states:

[Quote] “He got hired without telling any of the guys who ran the place that he wasn’t sighted; I know because he had confided in me and Dee the week before that he wanted the job—if friend worked there and said they had an opening—but Seb was worried he wouldn’t be able to fill out the application. So he showed up one night before closing time, wearing sunglasses and not carrying a cane, and asked all casually if he could grab and application and bring it back the next day.

And he spent all night filling it and brought it back the next day. He didn’t mention that he was blind or that the application had taken six hours to finish with the help of his sighted brother.” [End quote]

Seb has no obligation to reveal any personal information to them. If he wants to fill out the application on his own time, in a way in which he feels comfortable, that is fine. However, the book implies he thought he would not be hired if they knew he was blind. Rather than talk about the employment discrimination that is such a huge problem for blind people, the book decides to skip over this. And rather than address Emma’s fear-based expectation that she will never get a job, presumably because she doesn’t think blind people can do anything, the book ignores it.

Seb getting a job, especially in this way, does absolutely nothing to assuage Emma’s fears. Or challenge any possible low expectations the readers may have.

Seb fills out the application by himself and it takes six hours. Six. Hours. His brother also helps him eventually and it still takes that long. No one I know, even with intense internalized ableism, would sit there for six hours doing something like that.

Seb should be using a magnifying device or a scanner app. There is tons of technology out there for people with low vision and the author chose to include absolutely none of it in the book. Instead, she chose to show a character struggling for six hours without exploring his reasons for doing so. Does he do this because of internalized ableism? If yes, how can the same character tell Emma the school will get rid of her “Poor Blind Kid bullshit”?

Now, in some families and some cultures, it would be more appropriate for a family member to help. However, the author tells us nothing more about Seb’s culture, his family life, or his motivations. I assume he did not ask for his brother’s help until later, because I can’t fathom why having a family member help from the start would take six hours.

Why is a character doing this in a story that is supposed to be about adjusting to blindness? Clinging to his remaining vision instead of using a few adaptive tools to make things easier on his eyes hardly makes him a good role model for Emma. Why is a character modeling independence in this specific way? In a way that tells Emma that it is better to struggle with a little vision than to be totally blind?

This is reinforced when Emma says some kids, including Seb, pass well. This is something that cannot be given nuance unless it is written by someone who experienced it. Otherwise, the story shows Emma over and over again that being blind is bad. Undesirable. Which is ableist.

Do people struggle with this? Absolutely. Did the author write it well? No.

And Here Are a Few Things That Could Have Been Done Better

In this section, I wanted to go over things I thought could have been done better. They aren’t necessarily harmful, but I wanted to mention them.

Sunglasses

The main character wears sunglasses when she goes out. This is likely because she has a scar she feels self-conscious about, but this is still a big stereotype that the author could have taken more care with.

O&M Issues

So Emma has someone come around to teach her orientation and mobility, which was nice. The author put in her research here as well. However, the instructor leaves after a time, which seems odd. Rather than work with her around her schools or other locations, he decides she has learned all the basics. I received O&M training until university.

Now Let’s Examine The Blind Characters vs Tropes

In this section, I want to go over the biggest tropes in the stories structure, the number of blind characters, and what I normally advise to get around these issues. We’ll see how this advice compares to how the book turned out.

So, the things to look out for are:

-tokenism

-blind characters going blind through trauma

-blind characters being sad about being blind

Examining Tokenism

Emma is not the only blind character. The blind characters include: Emma, Sebastian, Dee, and Annabelle. I normally say to have one other blind character at minimum. The book meets that requirement.

Examining Blind Characters Going Blind Through Trauma

I also normally suggest avoiding characters going blind through trauma, especially main characters. If the writer would like to go ahead with this, I normally suggest 2 or 3 other blind characters who didn’t go blind through trauma. With 2 as the minimum. I admit, I prefer the main character not to be the one going blind through trauma, simply because the main character has so much power in the perception of the reader.

Let us examine each character.

Emma - went blind through a traumatic fireworks accident

Sebastian- unknown

Dee - unknown

Annabelle- went blind through Retinitis Pigmentosa

On the topic of Dee and Seb, Emma does mention they may have better hearing, which she claims you only have if you lose your sight before the age of ten. We can guess that Dee and Seb both went blind in early childhood or were born blind, but we aren’t sure. What I want here is explicit confirmation that other characters didn’t go blind through accidents. We only get that with Annabelle and her RP.

Not only that, but the other blind characters are not in the novel as much. Annabelle only shows up at the end, seemingly as a way for Emma to help another recently blind person to show how she has developed. Seb and Dee are only in a few chapters, mostly as flashbacks. They don’t get much backstory or development either.

However, it fills my minimum requirements, so I’ll let it pass.

Examining Blind Characters Being Sad About Being Blind

This is literally Emma throughout the entire book. Until the last few chapters.

Annabelle has a similar, shorter arc, although she is only 9 at the time. Annabelle comes in near the end of the book.

It is normal for people to need an adjustment period, particularly if they are young. However, to have the entire book consist of Emma being sad and having trauma focused mostly on her blindness is not something I’m okay with. Especially because, as I wrote in this post, it can leave non-blind readers with a very negative impression of blindness. Again, why would I want to read about this arc from an author who isn’t blind? Why make the entire book about adjusting to blindness?

Anyway, then we have Seb and Dee.

There characters were refreshing in this story, which is mostly Emma being sad and angry.

Dee doesn’t seem to be sad, but we don’t know much about her. She does seem well adjusted and laidback. She and Seb go skiing, so that’s something.

Sebastian gets a little more attention in the story. He does tell Emma the school for the blind will knock the “BPK bullshit” or “Poor Blind Kid bullshit” right out of her. I thought it was funny. Sebastian also has a big personality and interests outside of moping about being blind. He enjoys skiing and, according to Emma, he would have no problem with presenting on the Lighthouse For the Blind in front of people who aren’t blind, unlike Emma, who struggles with calling attention to her blindness. Which I can understand, what with the awkward questions her sighted classmates give her.

However, Seb also has an issue with hiding or fighting against his low vision in some parts of the story. If Sebastian were the main character, I could understand some of the things he does. However, this does not go well at all with Emma’s arc.

Anyway, Seb and Dee don’t get nearly enough time in the book for me to feel 100% comfortable using them as exceptions.

How Would a Sensitivity Reader Help?

If I were doing a sensitivity read for this book, I would suggest including more about Seb and Dee and the school for the blind. I would have explained that the way the story sidelines them shows Emma is not okay associating with her blind friends. I would have asked for more backstory, more contrast between them and the main character, and possibly a few more blind characters Emma met at the school for the blind.

If the writer was insistent on having Emma go blind in an accident, I would have suggested reducing the time she spent depressed and shifting the focus from her blindness to her traumatic accident. I would have had the author work harder to separate the two, even if it took Emma a while to do so. I would have also suggested reducing Emma’s remarks or have them called out. For example, her comments about not being able to get a job or beautiful schools being lost on blind people. Sebastian would have been excellent in this role.

I would have worked with her to either get rid of or subvert the list of stereotypes. Most of them are easy fixes.

I would have told her blind people don’t use canes in their houses. I would have given suggestions for assistive technology for Seb to use. I would have helped her with the section on trauma and blindness, reducing or erasing a lot of the issues I included there. I would have suggested giving Emma an arc that isn’t entirely about adjusting to blindness, even if her story starts with going blind.

I probably would have seemed nicer about my feedback because the author still had opportunity to make changes.

The author could have done more research on stereotypes and cane usage, but I think there is an important lesson here about the benefits of sensitivity readers.

In the end, a sensitivity reader would have fixed most of the problems in this story, despite the amount of research the author did. Research cannot always teach you everything and that is where a sensually or authenticity reader comes in. Moreover, there is a certain respect in involving communities you are representing. In paying them in money or exposure. In listening to their voices and respecting what they say. If the author was willing to learn Braille and sit with blind people to learn about canes and technology, why did she stop at getting sensitivity readers? Why does it feel like she didn’t want to include the blind community in any meaningful way?

I hope this helps someone.

-BlindBeta

#blind person reviews a review tag #book talk ; let’s review published books #review #blind representation #blind #blind characters #writing blind characters #trauma narrative #stereotypes #blind tropes #eye trauma #ableism

252 notes · View notes