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ellecdc · 1 month

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Mother, im sitting here at 4am, eating mini easter eggs and ive had tge most brilliant idea!! (Inspired by @inkdrinkerworld 's fic)

Okay so, poly!moonwater and readers been having trouble sleeping due to tensions/problems with her pureblood family. As a result shes been taking more naps, but they arent restful. So reader were napping in Rems bed (the dungeons were too cold) but after a fitful 30 minutes she gets up groggy, sleep deprived and beyond frustrated. She stumbles her way down to the common room, pin point Sirius lounging across the couch and promptly throws herself down to cuddle with him and continue her nap. Everyone (minus Siri) is shook. Jamie even asks if she got the wrong person because Reggie was sitting over there (in which he got a one eyed death glare before she burrowed into Siris chest and passed out).

Now, what everybody else didnt know was that Siri had more or less adopted reader as his own (she remined him so much of Reggie, being her big brother was 2nd nature). And while Barty was her person, he was a little too crazy to be comforting in this situation ("y/n, i'll get rid of them for you. Its not hard to do so" "Barty, no."). And of course Siri nows how bad their kind of familys are so he'd been taking care of reader on the down low as an older brother would.

Bonus if Reggie then decides that looks warm and fuzzy and wants Siri cuddles too so he joins ( it took him so long to get to a point where he could let himself be vunerable enough to openly allow Siri to take care of him 😭)

aweeee poor reader. this ended up being way more serious than I thought it would be? like it's not funny at all, there's no humour (which feels odd to me, usually I can throw some jokes or banter in there) but plenty of hurt comfort???.......idk, I can't tell if this is any good, it feels very different from my usual pieces

poly!moonwater x fem!reader whose family sucks (but it's very Sirius-centric)

CW: mentions of insomnia, mentions of abusive families, making fun of only children (sorry), hurt/comfort

You were miserable to say the least; you couldn’t remember when the last time you had a restful sleep was, and nothing you did seemed to help.

The closer it got to the Winter Holidays, the more your mind seemed to spiral. Every time you began to relax, your heart pounded as if you’d accidentally leaned too far back in your chair, reminding you of your upcoming visit home. Every time you closed your eyes, you were bombarded with images of angry faces and violent curses being shot at you.

The Slytherin dungeons were too cold, and every time you found your way into Regulus’ dorm, Barty insisted on butting in, and though you appreciated his support, you couldn’t handle his threats promises to burn down your home with your parents in it.

Remus and Regulus both suggested you perhaps talk to Madame Pomfrey about getting some dreamless sleep or sleeping draught, but you were too embarrassed to admit to your two overprotective boyfriends that you’ve used them so frequently during your life for this very reason that they had lost all efficacy.

It had gotten to the point that you managed to get the most sleep in the library bent over the table with your face on your book whilst Remus and Regulus did their work (and sometimes yours), and that honestly left you feeling more painfully tired than you had been before your nap.

So, you were nearly falling asleep at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall over your chicken and roast potatoes when Remus gently nudged you and suggested you go lie down for a bit and you wanted to weep into your potatoes which was only slightly less embarrassing than sleeping in them, causing him and Regulus to bring you up to Gryffindor tower.

You’d kicked them both out of the Marauders’ dorm room after some time – Remus for snoring and Regulus because the sound of him turning the pages of his book was distracting you. He promised to stop reading, but then he breathed too loudly and you started crying.

You were overtired, emotional, and running on fumes.

You’d counted puffskeins, you’d had a warm glass of milk, you’d taken off articles of clothing and reconfigured your outfit numerous times (which was currently Remus’ jumper and no pants), and you’d tried every position imaginable to no avail.

You think you might have perhaps gotten five minutes of sleep before you woke up with a start, a barely repressed scream grating through your teeth.

Feeling disturbingly weepy and no less groggy from your horrid sleep, you pulled on a pair of your sweatpants and grabbed the throw blanket from the end Remus’ bed before trudging down the stairs to the common room.

“You should have seen the look on Filch’s face- oh! Hi Y/N!” James called as you made your way over to the three-seater and stood over the black-haired boy currently occupying it.

“Oh, Trouble.” He cooed sympathetically at you before kicking his feet out, laying back, and opening his arms for you to join him. You quickly climbed on top of him, and he tucked you in between the back of the sofa and his side, bending your knee so that your thigh rested on top of his, and pulled the blanket over the two of you.

You let out a shaky sigh and felt the first few tears fall from your eyes and onto Sirius’ chest.

“Uhm...” James said loudly, looking over to both Regulus and Remus cuddled in a large plush chair from his place on the loveseat with Lily like ‘are you seeing this right now?’. “I think you’ve got the wrong wizard there, L/N.” He said with a nervous laugh.

“No, she’s quite alright.” Sirius gritted back at him, looking far more severe than James thought the situation called for as he rubbed his hand consolingly up and down your arm.

James looked to your boyfriends, his face clearly asking all the questions that his mouth wasn’t.

“He helps, sometimes.” Regulus admitted, not looking particularly happy that you chose his brother over him, but not nearly as murderous as James figured he might look if he’d found Lily snuggled up like that with some other bloke. And it appeared as though the look of heartbreak on Remus’ face was caused more by your current sorry state and less about your current cuddle partner.

“But...your brother?” James asked, still befuddled over this development. “Doesn’t she usually go to Junior for things like this?”

Sirius scoffed. “Junior’s solution to almost anything is fire or murder.”

“Or both.” You whimpered quietly, causing Sirius to tighten his arm around you and bring his other hand up to continue stroking your arm.

“Besides, Barty’s an only child.” Regulus said flippantly.

“What’s that got to do with it?” James asked, slightly offended at the insinuation that anything may be wrong with him on account of his only child-ness.

Regulus’ irritable demeanor over Sirius usurping you was quickly replaced by a cocky smirk at getting under James’ skin.

“Let me ask you this, Potter: last summer when Lily returned your letters unopened and called you an arrogant toerag after saying she’d rather date the giant squid, whose arms did you cry into?”

“He didn’t cry.” Lily laughed at the same time as James answered “Sirius’” without any hesitation.

“What?” Lily asked, looking slightly horrified that she may have actually hurt James’ feelings.

“Oh, all the time, every time, actually.” James said readily.

“He got snot on so many of my favourite band-tee’s, Red. As a matter of fact, I expect retribution.” Sirius commented.

“And why do you think you cried into Sirius’ arms?” Regulus continued.

“Well...because he’s my best mate.” James said simply.

“You may think that’s the reason, but you’re wrong. It’s because Sirius is an older brother.”

James scoffed at that. “Please, that has nothing to do with it!”

“Have you ever cried in Remus’ arms?”

“No, but-”

“Pettigrew’s?”

James grimaced but answered honestly. “No.”

“No. Because they’re not older brothers.” Regulus said definitively.

“That actually makes sense...” Lily mused aloud.

“You say that like you’re surprised, Evans. I know you’re not used to good idea’s coming out of men’s mouths, but I do assure you it happens more frequently than you might imagine.” Regulus taunted, earning him a pillow being hurled at his head.

Much to James’ chagrin, his seeker reflexes caught the pillow before it made impact with his face.

“Tosser.” James grumbled.

“Would you guys shut up.” Sirius whispered, causing everyone to look over at you.

Regulus couldn’t even find it in him to be miffed when he saw you sleeping what looked to be quite peacefully in Sirius’ arms. Your eyes were slightly swollen from your tears, and he could see the tracks they had left on your cheeks and over the bridge of your nose, but you looked so content.

“So... all big brothers know how to do that?” James asked incredulously.

“I doubt it.” Sirius commented quietly.

“Only ones who know what it’s like to live in a Pureblood hellscape and needed to share his bed with his younger brother who was too scared to sleep on his own for years.” Regulus added quietly, staring unseeingly towards you and Sirius. Remus pulled Regulus tighter into his side and began rubbing his arm consolingly.

Suddenly, things started to make a little more sense to James.

“I’ll write to mum.” James stated, causing both brothers, Lily, and Remus to look at him bemusedly.

“About what?” Remus asked finally.

“Y/N staying with us.” James said simply.

Regulus opened his mouth ready to argue; to argue that James didn’t have to and that he already took in both Sirius and Regulus. James didn’t owe Regulus anything.

But Sirius spoke first.

“She should be with her big brother, Reggie.” Sirius said, shooting him an encouraging smile and wink.

And seeing how your breathing had fallen even with your mouth slightly ajar as you clutched to the fabric of Sirius’ jumper like it was a lifeline, who was Regulus to argue?

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ki-irke · 1 year

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Julie and the phantoms

Reader x luke Patterson

Reader is Luke’s girlfriend in the 90’s and was with them when he past away and years later when he’s a ghost he goes to vist her and she can see him

Love

Paring: Luke Patterson x reader

Summary: Luke goes to see his love for the first time after he past away, and it may be the last, but he doesn't expect them to stay together for much longer.

A/N: Ik it's not probably what you had in mind, it was a fun one and too cute to not make!

Words: 613

"I'm going to see y/n," Luke said, looking at Alex.

"You sure? She could have family now, you know?" He asked, raising his eyebrows and carefully watching the brown-haired boy.

"Yeah. I just want to see her when I get the chance."

"Okay," Alex said, nodding his head. But Luke stayed for the next few hours. The thought of you being happy with someone else who wasn't him broke his heart. But he knows that this may be the last time he sees you.

So, while Julie was at school and Alex and Reggie were busy with each other, Luke teleported to where your house used to be.

The house still looked the same. The black fence was overgrown with some kind of ivy, which made it difficult to see the yard. Luke walked forward, putting his feet on the slices of wood that formed the path to the big, white house. He had always thought this place was magical, and seeing it still look the same after all these years made him believe it more. When he was about to walk into the house, the door opened. A tall, dark-haired man with a dog on a leash came out. Lukes' heart stopped for a second. Is this your boyfriend? Or even husband? After the man came a smiling woman. SHe leaned against the doorframe. The man turned around to send her a kiss and walked out of the yard. Before the woman could step back into the house, Luke invited himself inside.

Inside, there were small changes to a more modern one, but it still looked the same. The brown-haired boy eyed the woman carefully, who was now pulling a lighter out of a drawer. She was looking almost like the young you. He gave up looking around the house and simply followed the woman upstairs. The woman was like you. But something about her was different. Maybe it's the age, Luke thought. The women looked at white doors with pastel hearts on them. You didn't remove it after all these years? The woman took a deep breath and went inside.The first thing that caught Luke's attention was the large number of photos, candles, and flowers. What was happening?

"I'm sorry, y/n, that I couldn't save you," the woman said, tears streaming down her face. "All of this is my fault. Mum was right," she added, lighting every candle. Luke didn't know what was happening. You couldn't be dead. I mean, if you would, he could meet you. But who was the woman? Because it surely wasn't your mom. Maybe it's about your daughter?

And then the young girl walked slowly past him.

He didn't see her. But he immediately knew that it was you. You sat beside the woman, putting your head on her shoulder. But the woman continued crying.

"Y/N, if you're listening to me, I'm sorry." you blew out one of the candles near your family photo, which made the woman smile through her tears.

"It's okay, y/s/n. I wanted to protect you," you said, standing up but holding a hand on the woman's head. "She does this every time she's alone," you said softly, turning around to face Luke. It wasn't something funny, but it made him smile.

"Why are you smiling?" you laughed, moving closer to him.

"I thought you were still alive. That you have a new family," he said, but his smile soon dropped. "Did you–?" he asked, but you didn't let him finish.

"God, no. It was an accident, but it's a long story," Luke chuckled, hugging you.

"Well, we have plenty of time, love," he answered, lowering his head to kiss you slowly.

#julie and the phantoms #luke patterson #luke patterson imagines #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson x y/n #julie and the phantoms imagines

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fanfictionroxs · 6 months

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HOTD greek mythology thoughts - Harwin as Hades

I love imagining Harwin as the sort of Hades of westeros. A chill dude. Lives in a haunted house where spirits come & go freely (Harrenhall). He enjoys their company even though he has limited spiritual connection to the other side.. or maybe he's just good at pretending while near the living to avoid frightening them and to avoid people gossiping about him. Harwin has no control over the dead, no one does. They are simply his silent companions whose unintelligible whispers have long become his comfort. Alys is the one who actually befriends them, plays with them, learns spells from them, unafraid to be perceived a 'witch'. Harwin tries to be show more restraint, but Lyonel still takes him away at a young age to King's Landing, hoping that if his son has more distance from that house and his older sister, he wouldn't go mad.

Still, Harwin's best friend is an 8 year old boy called Reggie Rivers who sometimes changes into a 22 year old bard singing the most melancholic yet melodious tunes. He is a lonely spirit who has been haunting the halls of Harrenhall longer than Harwin's father has been alive (in canon, I imagine Reggie waits for him to return for years and then he doesn't let the doors open when the fire starts so that Harwin would never be able to leave their house again and they could stay together in the afterlife. The lonely boy comforts his crying spirit and promises him that his sons would be returned to him in less than a decade).

Instead of Cerebrus, a three headed dog, Harwin has his three sons Jace, Luke & Joffrey. Joffrey is the first one to see a ghost despite being the youngest. It's because Joffrey Sr.'s ghost often hovered around him protectively, adopting him from the afterlife while smiling longingly at Laenor. Harwin is surprised because Dragon magic keeps the dead away pretty much.. he never expected his sons to have that side of a Strong in them despite all of them looking like him.

Rhaenyra is his reverse Persephone (more on the reverse part at the end para!) without the incest. Funny how the incest gets eradicated despite it being an hotd AND greek myth au. Though now I'm imagining how much Rhaenyra would enjoy calling Harwin 'uncle' lmfao.

Laenor is totally Poseidon because he's a Velaryon and has a good relationship with Harwin. Larys can be Zeus because shitty rapist little brothers. Alys, along with his other two sisters as Demeter, Hestia and Hera. I like the thought of Alys as another Hades.. or Demeter, since Alys's powers have a more broad spectrum.

Now imagine the Hades and Persephone kidnapping thing but reversed. Rhaenyra kidnaps Harwin, and Alys is pissed because that dragon bitch stole her little bro and decides to cause havok that brings westeros to its knees. So, ultimately Rhaenyra has to compromise so that Harwin spends half an year at the Red Keep and the other half at Harrenhall, keeping both women happy and less likely to commit murder.

PS VERY IMPORTANT! He can punch ghosts in the face! Harwin is the 'breakbones' of both the living world and beyond!

#hotd au #fanfictionroxs writes #house of the dragon #harwin strong #alys rivers #jacaerys targaryen #lucerys velaryon #joffrey velaryon #rhaenyra targaryen #laenor velaryon #larys strong #rhaewin #hotd greek mythology au #lyonel strong #hotd #rhaenyra x harwin #harwin breakbones

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nsb-air-conditioner · 1 year

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NSB comforting their upset s/o

Oliver: when you walk in he’s probably at his desk making music. “Hey babe” he says without looking over but best believe the moment he hears u snuffle, his full attention is on you. “Babe what’s the matter ? Come close” he would pull you into his arms and gently sway his chair. He makes sure you’re not physically hurt and waits til you’re ready to talk it out.

Sebastian: seb’s running around the house after pulling a prank on one of the members, when he runs into you. “ oh my gosh babe I’m so sor- what’s wrong? I didn’t run into you that badly did I? “ he gently guides you into his room. “ it’s alright love you can tell me but you know no rush tho .” He grabs tissues and water and, gently rubs your back as you calm down.

Reggie: when you get to Reggie’s room he’s still in the shower, but he seems to hear his door open. “ who is it?” You weakly shout back that’s it’s just you. “ babe you good?” Not having much of a voice you don’t answer. Soon you hear the water turn off. “ babe? You’re here early is something up?” He asks as he steps closer. As soon as he sees how puffy and tired your face is, he pulls you close. “ who did it I’ll beat them up right now” he says it in a funny voice but you both knows he serious . Reggie always tries to make you laugh when you’re upset, it hurts him to see you like this.

Justin: Justin is busy filming a TikTok when u walk in. “ babe what’s up, you wanna join in?” He looks over to you as slowly slide into the bed. It’s not usual for you to not say anything when you see each other or to skip out on his tiktoks. “ everything good babe?” You shake your head. He gently combs through your hair. “ is there anything I can do to help?” Justin would do anything , go to the store and pick up your favorite snacks, put on your favorite movies, say the goofiest stuff to make you laugh.

Darren: Darren texts you through out the day to check on you. So today when you suddenly give really short answers and don’t pick up the phone he knows something is up. He stops by the store to get the ingredients for your favorite food along side your favorite snacks. He decides to cook at the nsb house so he wouldn’t have to worry about making a mess at yours. When he finally gets to your house, you’re taking a nap so he quietly sets up your food to look nice and heads back upstairs to wake you. “ babe wake up , I figured you were having a tough day. I have a surprise for you downstairs”

Kane: Kane was shopping online for some cosplay stuff when he heard you walk into his room. “ babe come look at this set you- you look upset what’s wrong?. “ he calmly closes his laptop and makes room for you beside him. He gently guides you into his arms and softly wipes away the tears on your face “ you know you can tell me anything right?” You nod and tell him as much as you’re ready to tell, while he gives you his full attention and best advice.

Ryan: as you walk into Ryan’s room, you can already hear him aggressively tapping at his controller. “ he’s on the game” you think as you decide to try to sleep your mood away. A little while later Ryan finally rage quits and turns around, ready to jump on to his bed. He stops tho when he see’s you. “ when’d y/n get here?” He quietly walks over and takes a look at your face. “ their eyes are puffy , I hope nothings wrong” he gently shakes you awake . “ babe you good?” The look in your eyes tells him you aren’t , so he gently slides in next to you and opens his arms. He softly pats your back waiting til your ready to speak about it . When you are ready, Ryan gives you his undivided attention and gently holds your hand.

A/n: sorry this took so long, I had burn out for a while. If you enjoyed this tho pls reblog, it helps the blog a lot ❤️.

#nsb #north star boys #oliver moy #sebastian moy #reggie nsb #darren nsb #ryan nsb #justin nsb #kane nsb

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oneinathousand · 5 months

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I'm halfway through Gravedale High and I think I get the gist of it, so here are my random thoughts about it:

Of all the celebrity cartoons, this is one of them. Joking aside, this probably is legitimately one of the better ones from this time period. I am not distracted by Rick Moranis's presence, and I'm glad he's not going full nerd as in his usual typecasting. I keep expecting to see a Ghostbusters or Little Shop of Horrors reference, since this show sure does love its pop culture references, but so far, they've had the restraint not to do it in a direct way except for one of the background characters in one episode looking like a terror dog, but that could be a coincidence. I guess I'll find out eventually if they actually do make a reference.

I can't watch a lot of it in one sitting because if I try, I know I'll be filled with homicidal rage at all the constant catchphrases and verbal tics and schticks that every character has.

Gotta love how the creativity of the main cast ranges from "Personifying the trope of zombies as commentaries for consumerism with a wealth-obsessed, literal mall zombie" to "what if creature from the black lagoon but surfer".

J.P. doesn't seem to be any kind of monster in particular, Peter Lorre parodies are just their own Halloween species lol

Vinnie may be the Fonz as a teenage vampire, but it was very big-brained of whoever the character designer was to give him black nail polish in 1989-90. For all this show's problems, the character design for the most part is not one of them, even with how dated many of them are fashion-wise they're still very charming.

Sure, I ship Vinnie and Reggie. Before I watched this show, I assumed it was just typical shipping of best friend characters, but when I got to the famous ear-scratching scene from episode four, I was like "yeah okay I can see where they're coming from".

Of the main cast, Sid is probably my favorite because everything about him is so hilariously dated above all the rest, which is saying something: The rapping, the baseball cap, the pattern on his shirt, the random impressions... he's so lame that he circles back around to being funny. And apart from the irony, an invisible kid becoming a class clown so people won't ignore him anymore is one of the more genuinely creative concepts here.

Oh, but speaking of Sid, who's voiced by Maurice LaMarche... It was pretty awkward to watch Sid whenever he talked about his dreams to become a stand-up comedian, knowing what I know about what happened with LaMarche's own desire to rise up in the stand-up world on the same month that Gravedale High coincidentally premiered in. I don't know if this is common knowledge, but I won't go into it here because this post is supposed to be about a silly cartoon. If you're curious and can handle emotional matters, go read about it on his Wikipedia page under the Career section and see the events leading up to him becoming a full-time voice actor after September 1990.

Anyway, this is one of those cartoons where you can see a lot of potential, but since this came before or at the same time as other more ground-breaking cartoons like Ren and Stimpy or Tiny Toons, you get the feeling Gravedale is still shackled by 80's cartoon trappings despite its occasional dark jokes and pop culture references. If I were to make a new version, with or without Moranis, I would go for something a little edgy to make it stand out from Monster High and other shows of its ilk, do for horror what Clone High does for teen shows, either in a PG or TV-14 way.

#gravedale high #90's cartoons #rick moranis

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v1nc3nts-b0yfr1end · 2 years

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I'm gonna post what the Umbrella Academy characters favorite MCR songs are

Luther- Summertime because he doesn't necessarily like the rock portion of MCR so he likes the more soft songs

Diego- Desolation Row because for one he's a badass bitch who doesn't care and two the song probably reminds him of Lila

Allison- Disenchanted because she's and actress, she loves the crowd despite how much pain it brings her. She feels like nobody understands her and she really resonates with that song.

Klaus- Ghost of You, basically because of what I said in my last post. It reminds him of Dave

Number 5- Kill all your Friends, because he feels alone alot and you can tell. The song also hits his trauma really hard with a lot of the lyrics

Brella Ben- This is how I dissappear, I mean come on just listen to it, of course it's his favorite song

Sparrow Ben- To the End "he's never around he's always looking at men" We all know Sparrow Ben is a little fruity just admit it.

Viktor- Mama, because he's a little trans boy

Sloan- The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill you, I think definitely because it's her favorite book and her trauma of Luther almost dying.

Marcus- Save yourself, I'll hold them Back, guys come on he's the leader and he obviously cares about them.

Fei- S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W because she is a literally so cool. This song is so passive aggressive: just like her.

Alphonso- Headfirst for Halos because he seems all sweet and innocent honestly but he he's not, guys he's really not.

Jayme- Early Sunsets Over Monroeville because she seems all badass and shit, but she's actually just sad. Like she seems to be the only one truly affected by Reggie.

Christopher- Cubicles but only because the name is funny and reminds him of himself.

Pogo- the Interlude from the Revenge album, I'm not sure why but it just felt right

Robot Mom- BulletProof Heart because even though she was a robot she actually loved the kids and would do anything for them.

Lila- Vampire Money because she would get such a laugh out if it. And she would probably peg Diego to it.

Stan- Destroya because he's a child and would think Gerards moaning would be funny.

Harlan- The light behind you eyes, it reminds him of his mom who cared for him, and Viktor whom saved when he almost died.

Delores- The only hope for me is you, I'm saying this because Five is actually a big old softie and he played this song for her. And just told people it was her favorite song

Reginald- would despise MCR and call them satanic or something

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chaosismynamemf · 1 year

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Here are headcanons bc i decided im not going to wait for someone to ask for them bc im not a wuss PT. 1

I SAID IT BEFORE AND ILL SAY IT AGAIN

REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK IS REALLY FUCKING TALL

Remus and lily are also pretty tall

James and sirius are short kings

peter's average height and hes chill with that

hes also carries himself really like idk proper? idk. He just unconsciously has really good posture. its so fuckin elegant (Bc you KNOW that shit was drilled into him asap. sirius was the same way i think lol. I think my mans literally trained himself to slouch.)

ALSO- I regulus has autism (ik its a popular hc but idc if its popular i agree with it and i love everyone being nd and gay and pwinpiwnpinqfp I NEED REPRESENTATION ALR??)

Reg also has bipolar disorder and anxiety ptsd and depression

Sirius has bpd and ocd and ptsd bc i have bpd and ocd and i said so

james has adhd

remus has depression and anxiety

peter is the token nt friend lmao once again hes just chillin

hes vv supportive tho and is as helpful as he can be you wont catch him slippin and being ignorant and weird about his friends and they mental illness. Nuh-uh no sir.

Ok so i dunno much about the slytherin skittles or like Marlene, dorcus (is she apart of slytherin skittles?? idk man) ,mary, etc etc

But i see them everywhere in the fandom sooooo yall best be aware ive gotten attached to these fuckers

Marlene

She is SO FUCKIN HOT

Gods

So hot

She could step on me

Her and sirius are besties. Leather jacket duo if you will.

OK BUT REGULUS IN PLATFORMS???

Just thought of that and i am in love

Ugh this man is my everything

i honestly just wanna be his best friend

deadass

but anyways

i actually like the idea of regulus and sirius having similar music tastes and exchanging music reccs

dont come at me lmao

Literally reggie and sirius are just 2 sides of the same coin

this post is getting really fuckin long. BUT IDC

i wanna talk about my VERY MUCH ALIVE AND WELL AND HAPPY gay wizards

i dont know much about other cultures or anything like that.

so im not gonna go willy nilly and assign a bunch of headcanons on race or ethnicity or whatever

but i am TELLING YOU, YEA YOU

my wizard babies were not all white

We can all agree on this yes?

james has a little bump on the bridge of his nose.

And dimples

regulus and sirius getting drunk would either be really really funny or really really depressing

There is no in between

regulus is the type to not heavily drink all too often but when he does? my mans is blackout

the next morning? he dont know shit, legit if he DOES remember anything? hes like "mustve been a funky dream"

Yes regulus says funky

i honestly dont gaf that marauders era is set in like the 70's

Regulus deadass acts like gen Z incarnated, and you wouldnt be able to snatch this from my cold dead hands

even then i wouldnt let go

id wake up to bitch slap you

bitch

ANYWAYS

I think that regulus has like really explosive anger and sirius actually has like the quiet, you know im angry, what'cha gonna do about it?

my logic is that regulus has for the longest time kept all of his emotions and opinions to himself bc he literally couldnt express them because he was barely surviving as is

regulus speaking his mind about anything would be suicide

Now the opposite is for sirius ofc

sirius from pretty early got to scream and shout what he thought and felt until he lost his voice

He got a lot of it out of his system

he hasnt HAD to bottle up enough anger to be explosive

Also jus sayin i set all of this in a everyone lives, nobody dies universe

voldemort is killed in the 1st war because regulus survived the cave and ended up on Order of the phoenix's doorstep bein like

"Let me in, i got sum shit to tell you"

Man's is soaking wet and has a look so intense noone can tell him no

And so my mans joins the order and ends the war MUCH MUCH EARLIER

pop off buddy

love ya, mean it

nobody really trusted him at first

and i mean it

regulus was vv alienated at first (Not by dorcus, but dorcus is only one person and cant keep the caution and disgust and animosity away completely)

and you know what??

He was hurt he was angry he was depressed and he was so so over this shit

So he screamed until he was hoarse and told them to get their heads outta their asses bc he was here to help and here to stay

he knows he fucked up and he is self aware to know that he couldve been called the "bad guy" on many occasions

but that doesnt fuckin matter anymore because hes apart of their little hero club now and he is not being shunned just because he was a dumb kid who made mistakes

long story short my dudes like "SO-if you're going to talk shit, either say it to my face or keep quiet. ight?"

vv quickly after that people choose to keep quiet and actually yknow interact with him and see for themselves that he is not the boogie man hiding under their bed waiting to fuck them over.

I love angry, unhinged, doesnt gaf anymore regulus

Hes been through too much to be calm cool and collected towards people who he doesnt give a shit about (i mean he will but still)

ANYWAYS (can you tell i have adhd? if not i vv much am)

Regulus yanks his school besties (Even and barty) away from voldemort. I think my mans straight up yoinked them.

after the war he reaches out to pandora

this is getting really long so i will make another part lmao

LOOK YOU CANT BLAME ME

these characters couldve been so dynamic and complex

and jkr ROBBED US

#jkr is trash #i hate her #anyways #I love my dead gay wizards #Except they aren't dead :)#jegulus headcanon #james x regulus #james & peter & remus & sirius #peter pettigrew #regulus #sirius and regulus #marauders era #harry potter fandom #regulus headcanon #regulus being regulus #regulus and evan and barty #regulus deserved better #black brothers

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wellntruly · 11 months

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M*A*S*H Season 2….it’s top tier for me.

I couldn’t leave well enough alone, strayed off my list, and now come back to you with a new & improved Season 2 Viewguide: Deluxe Edition. I took away two, added four. One was a swap with the bonus eps—it’s going main! Then I added mmm another two more to the bonus list. LISTEN...

Probably it will all start to make sense if you see how long my notes are.

M*A*S*H Season 2 Notes At Last This Time We Took Them!

2x01 ‘Divided We Stand’

“Together, Pierce and McIntyre make a remarkable pair--” and it’s a reveal on them fully losing at strip poker

Radar just steering Klinger away muttering “You’ll get your dress dirty,” my moonbirds <3

A bit that never fails on me is someone being like oh none for me thanks, and then the remark that both glasses are for the other person. I think the earliest I’ve seen this is a Nick & Nora Charles movie in the ‘30s, maybe After The Thin Man? And it definitely happens on M*A*S*H multiple times, here and then I’m sure Margaret does it to Hawkeye in the Officer’s Club in a later season. EVERY TIME, I’m chuckling.

I have been in a state that I believe Hawkeye is in in this moment, where you’ve just been very tired for a long time and something in your emotional cortex is kinda dulled so you’re just sitting there watching someone, not warning them that something startling is about to happen to them, and then it does, and you laugh like the numbed gremlin you’ve become. For me it was tech rehearsal, for them it’s you know, a field hospital in a war. Anyway this is all why 1000% do I believe that this has happened to Hawkeye before, trying to wake Trapper and Trapper practically bruising his arm as he jolts awake with a shout.

I’ve decided to explain the fact that Alda bundles into a cap and scarf at the slightest provocation and Rogers does not with the Watsonian supposition that Trapper runs warm. Test it out, feels true right, feels good.

“I mean as screwy as this outfit is, better the devil you know, right?” and then this little wiggle shrug thing?? McLean???! I’m weeping, why is this whole showers scene hilarious. They keep catching the tail end of Wayne Rogers laughing when they cut to a different shot—that'd be me.

This half stammered exclamation “What the h-ell!?” as Radar runs up on him in the dark, god why is McLean Stevenson SO funny in this episode

“look normal”

They’re all WET in Henry's office right now, the shoulders of their jackets. Had it rained outside? Was there a cut outdoor scene?

“Frank showed up here cracked, with a Bible in one hand and a pair of shorts that said ‘Hold me’ in the other.” Wow orig booty shorts joke courtesy of B.F. Pierce

ACTUALLY. Another notch in the Timeloop Theory is Hawkeye constantly claiming Radar is his son with some member of the outfit (typically Trapper, here Margaret), and people like Henry hurriedly clarifying “He is not!”—yeah, Henry, how long do you think you’ve all been here

2x02 ‘5 O’Clock Charlie’

Have we addressed that Hawkeye’s name for Trapper when they’re being Brit-ish is ‘Reggie’? He says it twice.

Alda uses the same drawl of eagerness for “Oh do, Frank [give us a direct order]” that he does when Margaret threatens to kick him and he goes “Would you? With high heels?” Just for everyone's notes.

Hawk & Trap just sure know how to have fun, y’know! We all should have these kinds of relationships!

I like when Trapper goes all smart and take-charge. Very sexy of him.

TRULY this infantry drag routine added a year to my life when I first encountered it. Alan Alda is just so good at this. His extremely pantomime/vaudeville faces to Radar as they fail at all the commands, how very camp it all is, Trapper in MacArthur cosplay with his belt buckled over his untucked shirt and yet still hot, Frank…. an Iconic Scene.

Whomst is this random other guy just noodling on a guitar while Trapper and Hawkeye drink and muse on their problems

Ohhh okay he’s the current dentist. Hey, remember when there were dentists? That totally stops at the transition, huh!

I had definitely missed that they’ve got olives in their shower martini IV bottle. Also: what doesn’t this episode have.

Lololol Odessa Cleveland just hitting this “I’m ready to do the 4:30 feeding.” She really should have stayed around Kellye-style.

That every time Frank goes to pull out his gun it’s some new classic comedy prop they’ve swapped in is wonderful

Hawkeye & Trapper bundling Frank off to get a meal with them, “Why can’t I stay mad at you two lugs?” “We’ll work something out.” God…? <3

2x04 ‘For the Good of the Outfit’

Hmm maybe this episode fucks totally? I looooove them going off to take down the US Army, it's a crash to earth in the best way after 'Charlie'

“These fragments are as American as apple pie and Napalm.” Yell! Hell yeah, Trap.

“Radar, if you want me, I won’t be anywhere.” Lol Henry

Filing reports against the Army together, jumping off Lovers Leap together…

Radar translating to their nicknames to Henry under his breath WHAT is happening, I’m hootling

Love Hawkeye with his feet up on a desk, tired eyes and a phone to his ear, Trapper leaning with his collar up behind him, trying to make the American military take responsibility, for once

Writing to his dad in post-op while diegetic jazz plays! Atmosphere~

Whoa I do not remember a lot of this! Stopping Hawkeye’s mail out! Marking his movement “restricted”! This is getting really serious and scary!

Now he’s got his feet up yet his ankles crossed. Incredible advances in gay sitting.

Henry coming off entirely spineless this episode, c’monnn Blake

WOW General Clayton a) threatened to follow them forever, b) or threatened instead to just send them to an aid station to die on the line (implied)!!!!!!!!

“Go, Frank, go.” Trap I love you I love this. The 11th hour inadvertent save by Mssrs. Burns & Houlihan! Good ep good ep

“Take her, he’s mine :)” Hawkeye MY GOD.

2x05 ‘Dr. Pierce and Mr. Hyde’

What I like about my new S2 lineup is this run from

“They’re mad, quite mad all of them!” to

hahah ohh yeah no they are all mad, bless ‘em

to suddenly oh JESUS, but also spilling backwards to the two you’ve just watched because like, what else do you DO, you just pull out lawn chairs and a Trans-Atlantic accent and bet about whether Charlie will hit the ammunition dump, or you try to get the whole Army arraigned, it's basically toss a coin each day, heads I win tails you lose

then from there on to the secret third option we haven’t done yet: Maybe Hawkeye Goes Mad For Real

So here we gooooo! (This one is one of my favorite-favorites)

Trapper steering Hawkeye out of surgery is something that can be so—

Running tally: “20 hours of surgery,” “some day and before that it was some night”

Obsessed with all the mud business. The jeep coming by and spraying their legs, the guy tripping and falling in it as he runs. None of this is relevant to the plot or even commented on, it’s just texture.

“Morpheus, don’t just stand there, I’m yours.”

Trapper Watching Hawkeye In This Episode !

Hits on Henry, and that’s a sign. To Henry. I think. I think about a lot of things. Some of it is Henry picking up Hawkeye behaviors that worry him, for what else they are usually masking.

Running tally: Frank has been asleep three times while Hawkeye has gone on operating. Now that one I don’t know quite how to tabulate.

There is something oddly endearing about Hawkeye still trying to hit on the nurses when he’s nearly too tired to even lift his arms from where Radar is pushing him by in a wheelchair. I think it’s that there is so obviously no real intent behind it, no actual design to follow through with these offers. Just saying words recreationally, as the post goes.

Radar: “Now let me get you to bed here, make sure you’re comfortable.” Hawkeye: “That’s what they all say.” Hawk….you are so worrisome this episode though really!

Running tally: It’s now morning, so it’s been another night since our opening scene. He has definitely been awake for two nights, two days, 48 hours minimum.

Okay and now it’s night, so another 12 hours: 60

“You are turning into a 170 pound fruitcake.” Trapper…couple questions

Could Radar really not know the word Holocaust OR a popular Bing Crosby carol? This always distracts me for a moment.

Hawkeye haltingly singing ‘I’ll Be Home For Christmas’ into the quiet while crying, the dark night of the camp stretched around them, is something that can fuck me up <3

‘I’ll Be Home For Christmas’ was released in 1943, previous episode it was stated to be 1951, so 8 years ago. Hawkeye is presumably supposed to be in his early 30s (slightly younger than Alda himself), so we’re talking like early-/mid-20s he was lying on a rug listening to this song. And now he’s out of the med school that kept him from being drafted into WWII, and swept into another war after all.

“Dear Harry. Who’s responsible?” It's like my heart holds.

Running tally: It’s the next day. 72 hours.

HIS. HAUNTED. EYES. LOOKING UP AT THE SOUND OF CHOPPERS.

Coming back to some of M*A*S*H again no longer on a good amount of hydromorphone (hi) is, far from a more sober experience, actually at times creating a sensation not unlike my mind is shattering like a bag of frozen peas smacked against the counter

GOD Alda! Eyes!

“I like that,” he says with a little smile, draping a couple pieces of toilet paper on the latrine. “It sells.” My fucking heart.

Physical acting award to GARY BURGHOFF, panicking in place next to Trapper for a solid few seconds before running off after them

Trapper and Henry playing solitaire together while watching over Hawkeye sleeping fitfully under presumably their fave phenobarbital kills me so softly. Whole vibe something so warm and domestic and bleak and fucked up, and the lines all So much. “McIntyre, what makes him do these things?”

2x09 ‘Dear Dad…Three’

Hawkeye just watching Trapper & Frank play gin, grinning. The way sometimes they’re roommates like this..

“Go ahead, Cuddles, take a card.” CUDDLES, TRAPPER?

Hawkeye reciting ‘Gunga Din’ ostensibly to praise Ginger’s nursing prowess is so 1973

Not to be such a laugh track supporter, again, but this is another episode I actually think plays better WITH it, as the contrast from the goofy cards scene with the communal laughs to the strained quiet as they try to remove this grenade from a soldier’s body is just so compelling to me.

Leaving in Alan Alda casually fighting through a yawn is so so so so so good. This show is so lived in, makes it feel oddly real for all its artificial 25-minute sitcom trappings.

Henry’s video from home scene reeeaally got to me, on the hydromorphone. The way they just gradually get more rapt and quiet even as nothing is really happening in the video, it’s just normal, and that’s what’s getting to them.

Man the Indiana suburbs are wild

“I could see that all over again.” This is kinda why I love Trapper, honestly. Part of it.

Ginger acting like he’s passing is just THE FUNNIEST PART OF THIS, I laugh every time. “Good job, baby!” GINGER!

The staff meeting is simply perfect. A perfect scene of television comedy. No notes, just want to show it to everyone I know.

I mean it’s just so funny when the racist soldier literally says "You've given me a lot to think about," and still just real nice when he salutes Ginger, whatever! Sure it’s cheesy! We all know! But it’s 1970/1950! They were trying to do something!

2x10 ‘The Sniper’

Oho had forgot this is the one where Trapper has a mild head cold, in his goldenrod robe

“Is your cold better?” “Does a cold ever get bettah?” Trap, Icon

Alda looks notably skinny here. It’s his so shaped body… Like a plank, breadth seems normal but then you turn him sideways and it’s like oh, that is a thin flat man.

Trapper’s mocking laugh back to Frank while shoving his gun away—SO BOYFRIEND THIS EPISODE

Trapper just hollered to Hawkeye to take notes on his date. God. It really is that kind of queered heterosexuality where all their nurse pursuits are ultimately just about bonding with each other. The heterosexual in service to the homosocial.

“Eight cans, eight shots. That should be about right.” Larry Linville, I’m laughing my butt off.

I miss the Japanese ‘Happy Days Are Here Again’ cover every day of my life

Henry: “Well hell's bells, we’re a hospital! That’s against the Geneva Convention!” Radar: “I’m not for it either, sir.”

Full male rear nudity on American broadcast television, M*A*S*H truly did it all

Trapper’s already on the phone with someone when Hawkeye crawls into the office, GOD the competence. So boyfriend this episode, reprise.

Oh haven’t mentioned yet how very very cute it is that Henry’s office is papered with his daughter’s drawings she sends him. I like to imagine that it’s actually a bit of a gallery, that other members of the unit tack up some of their kid’s drawings too.

“Radar—” “Get a white flag, yes sir. [little head shake]” Gary is incredible this episode

“You could roll over first” is definitely the assault joke too far. I actually can kinda forgive the first "violations" one weirdly because of the follow-up on it later, but this one is like, Hawk come ON.

Frank just happily head-empty drawing circles on Margaret’s kneeeee :)

Oh my god Radar’s bit where he says his metabolism makes his body turn to liquid…I'm dyin'

The rhythm of this episode, this transition now to creeping outside in the dark to find Frank and THIS MUSIC. This show should have had more score honestly, I always enjoy what it brings so much.

And then bringing Frank with him to go investigate the mess tent! Yes! This script is perfectly structured, truly.

GARY SO FUNNY THIS EP OH MY GOD

God yeah and the ending, going up to treat the man who was shooting at them…too good, gotta include it.

2x12 ‘The Incubator’

They are so so wretched and hungover and soft, moving and speaking with each other so gently and pained, god I love these messes

Something so endearingly funny to me about Radar casually explaining “I was too sleepy” for why they didn’t use him as their virgin sacrifice last night. Like, everyone’s got a role to play in society! Sometimes you’re the camp’s temple virgin! ….Oh wow actually Radar is a vestal virgin. Being a vestal virgin is all about having arcane knowledge, so many mysterious little jobs, and an attitude. Radar, lean into this.

They actually WANT Frank to chastise them for their night, god, their relationship sometimes!!! And then they’re genuinely like aw, geee, recognizing he’s right they aren’t the bright eyed bushy tailed young doctors he met. “We’re gonna get our tails bushed again, you’ll see!”

Hawkeye is still using 'bushy tail' as a shorthand a scene later

This episode? Good. Good choice, past me. I like how it starts with the aftermath of goofy debauchery, then starts showing itself to be a mission episode, with the two off them getting more driven as they get more sober, while still holding ice packs to their foreheads to illicit our chuckles at their hungover patheticness.

“Henry the war’s been running for two years, surely the government must be showing a profit by now.” Haha damn.

Hawkeeeeyyye, he’s now taken to calling their new era simply “B.T.”, and Trapper just nods knowing what he means while Henry’s like what the hell?

Henry’s advice is to show up looking handsome. I love Henry's approach to things.

And now it becomes a Great River of Commerce story. It’s a good script!!!

Riveted by how Hawkeye’s glinting sarcasm is scanning as genuine delight in avarice to this guy, while Trapper’s straightforwardness gets him labeled as the one with “a nasty streak of morality.” Hawkeye, glancing a quick amused look at him: haha babe he thinks I’m Evil. Trapper: sighhh. u are.

The other thing that crushes in this episode is that after rocking up in full Class A uniforms at the start of their odyssey, they start gradually shedding pieces, giving them new looks for each successive stage of their quest. A reverse of the wives in Mad Max: Fury Road.

Pierce & McIntyre operating as a duo can power me for a day. They just seamlessly play to each other’s strengths. Let Hawkeye get up and get mouthy but clever, draw attention, land a few points that aren’t gonna fade so quickly, and then when they turn to Trapper, thinking he’s gonna be someone reasonable they can fall back on, he just literally stands up to join him at his shoulder like, floor back to him I think. This general, it dawning on him: “Are you two together?” Hawkeye, literally, with a loose little smile: “In all kinds of weather.”

God and now they’re just a double act, picking up each other’s sentences, laying out a wall of fact on data point on incriminating detail.

They are just so sexy this episode

‘The Incubator’: kind of a perfect little episode to be honest! A secret fave, of the kind I have. I have my actual, more flashy faves, and then I have my other ones where it’s like, you know which episode I really love?

2x13 ‘Deal Me Out’

Hawk & Trap hollering at Radar as he takes their towels, little nose in the air: “I’m kidding!” “He was kidding!” “You’re beautiful!” #VestalVirginBehavior

I wish Captain Sam Pak had been in 15 more episodes. The M*A*S*H judge-of-character equivalent of whether or not a dog likes you is whether or not someone moves right past Klinger wearing dresses to getting engaged with his style choices, and Sam does immediately.

It’s entertaining to me that Hawkeye loves poker while consistently having mediocre to poor luck. He’s always just casually fucking up and folding. He's not good at this! And doesn't seem to care! He's just in it for the card game gossip.

“Hi, Frank. What’s new up on the Mount?” SID-NEY.

Aw forgot this is the one with baby John Ritter, winging an enameled cup at Frank’s head

KLINGER’S SUNGLASSES. At night.

What I love about this episode is that for a story that is predominately about sitting around a table, it has SUCH movement, literally and figuratively. Everything is continuously escalating over in the hospital, AND at the game in the Swamp, as various characters are getting up from and returning to the game. Another contributor is that they just keep adding new people into the mix: we get Sidney and Sam right up front, then the old Korean man, John Ritter, FLAGG... Just a real sense that this is a whole camp of numerous people all engaged in their little things, which I always love when a show can pull off.

Wild for whenever Henry is compelled to remember he’s the commanding officer and pulls rank on someone, particularly Flagg. Except hey, Flagg’s a colonel too… Well he’s wearing captain’s bars here though, they probably hadn’t decided that yet.

“Thanks for seeing me, Sidney :)” 15 EPISODES AND A MOVIE

Was staring and staring at Sam’s insignia trying to figure out what on earth was going on here, and finally realized: he’s Korean Army. Shaking my damn head.

2x11’Carry On, Hawkeye’

Phantom PA guy’s voice cracking with illness—he too is susceptible to disease

Is this breathing through my ears joke a thing, or just something very odd he is saying

Hawkeye instantly delegating Margaret to replace Frank working with Sheila, and having Father Mulcahy step in to assist him: you love to see management in action

“Father, as long as we’re working together, is it alright if I call you Dad?” Stopp

Radar bringing Hawkeye coffee in an orange mug that says “HANK” (?) while he sits on the phone at Henry’s desk whimsically yet urgently trying to explain to a general that yes he’s a capable young surgeon but he’s not looking for a husband, he’s looking for help. Sorry, once again I don’t have a comment, I just love it. The mug is so "workplace"!! Just inheriting random objects!!

Radar, happy that Hawkeye is semi-letting him make him take command: “Yes, sir!” Hawkeye, drawing up: “Don’t get fresh.”

Margaret all I’M IN CHARGE, and Hawkeye just like that would be terrific in so many ways, thank you

I actually think this episode is a great blueprint for what makes Hawkeye’s sexism such an odd grey area. His quips to the nurses are almost always around their sexual availability, but that doesn’t actually preclude him from also totally trusting them as fellow medical professionals, possibly more than any other doctor in this camp. He’s confident in them, praises their good work, and above all puts them in charge of things, that’s the part that really feels outré for the 1950s. And the Army, for that matter. And he does all this while also joking that he wishes he could put his arms around them. It’s all a muddle!

I DIE. Did CBS simply not know about pegging, is that how they got this scene through. I mean it's fucking perfect.

Henry, walking in still feverish: “Well, Mr. and Mrs. 4077th.” I still don’t even know how to unpack this, just that god, it needs to be. THEY’RE A NARRATIVE PAIR. The prom king & queen of the MASH unit. Mr. and Mrs. 4077th.

Trapper wants to help him so bad. Also wants him to kiss his forehead in the middle of post-op. Trapper honey you are so under the weather.

GODDD I love Hawkeye & Margaret, these two!!!! This is where it started babyyy. His little goofy forlorn face looking up at her as she sticks the thermometer in his mouth, her little warmed dancing quirk of a smile when he says he wants to get well to tease her all over again, this literal expression :)). Themmm!

Hawkeye: “Radar, you’ll be assisting Margaret Houlihan, nurse, friend, and all-around good egg.” Radar and Margaret: Margaret, gently: “He’s very sick.” [softly] help!

“Okay gang. Ours is not to question why…” Ohhh. “Ours is not to let ‘em die.” But he doesn’t finish it here. He’s too sick, he just trails off as he works, and we don’t get the end of it until the start of Season 4.

His little sweet squinted up grin, “That really hits me where I live, thanks!” Haha help!

Radar trying to take his pulse and realizing he doesn’t have a watch to count byyy

Listen if it wasn’t obvious I adore this one

2x24 ‘A Smattering of Intelligence’

This opening bit with Margaret is such peak Hawkeye. I can hardly explain. Quipping to a patient to get better before the movie that night, the horrible outfit, the flirting that is just all self-deprecating or offering her use of his hands.

Margaret: [rips Flagg’s sleeve off] “Oh.” Hawkeye: “You thought about going into burlesque, Colonel?”

Flagg is currently presenting as only a Lieutenant Colonel. FYI. Even rank with Henry.

“He’s a CPA.” I laughed way more than I should have at this.

I thought I was going to be able to handle Hawkeye in shorts, but now he’s sitting like a weirdo in the Swamp and I’m not, I’m not able to handle it.

“Captain Stone.” “That’s not my real name.” “Ohh boy.” Henry is already so tired.

Henry: “Why do we have to be in the middle? Can’t you let my people go?”

He’s lounging again. With his boots and his bare knees.

He also has an entire pocket of these Q-tips he’s been chewing on this episode. What’s up, baby.

A lot of screen-cap-worthy shots in this episode. You've probably already seen some of them. That's because people are making good choices.

Okay but spy Radar is so choice though. He's perfect.

“Fellas, it’s been both a privilege and a nightmare meeting you.” I gotta start saying this.

2x20 ‘As You Were’

What I like about the one where everyone’s going stir-crazy is the physicality with which they’re rendering this mental state. Hawkeye just crossed the mess tent to Frank predominantly on top of the benches, stretched out practically full length on his elbow next to him to ask what he’s doing, then clambered back to Trapper along the bench tops again. Just very good.

Ohhhhhh my god, I forgot this was the one where Trapper & Hawkeye put Frank in a box. Watching and waiting as Radar plays the morning ‘Reveille’, drinking coffee in their robes….

Klinger’s red outfit is fire lbr

They make Henry deliver just so many sex lectures

Gary’s perfect delivery of that VD line is what makes this whole scene worth it

The amount of Klinger outfits we get this episode! And they’re always complimenting him!

Margareeetttt like yes, yes of course Frank, they’re horrible, but also oh my god the thing you WANT them to do is operate on you

They’re soooo impossible <33 swooping into the operating room with their gloved sterile hands up, still doing this whole comedy routine <3 Frank is SUFFERING

“He’s an idiot, but he’s really stacked.” Trapper Why

I really do love this episode. It’s made in the transition to the second half being all surgery.

Henry: “Organize some donors, Father, get plenty of blood.” Trapper: “Yeah you’ve just been promoted to vampire.” Hawkeye: “Turn in your cross.”

Fourth Klinger outfit, and it’s fabulous. In case he gets dizzy giving blood he “brought a pair of low heels.” I love him.

Gary’s impression of “a major” on the phone is Quite good. Fun to be reminded that he’s a talented impressionist.

Oh okay, Radar canonically 19. Wait what was that Karl Urban Bones meme, like oh great Jim, he’s 19.

“Fred? Do you think the principal saw us?” Frank what

This episode has an incredible amount of gay quips. OH GOD is that what that was earlier about Fred??!

Aw wow, when the newborn baby cries and they all look up from the wounds they’re working on

Fifth Klinger outfit. Doozy of an ep.

2x22 ‘George’

Trapper singing most if not all of ‘I’ve Got You Under My Skin’ in surgery

Hawkeye, all worn out: “I hate sunrise. And those damn birds will start singing in a minute. Who are they to remind us of happiness?” Nurse: “We go back on again in an hour.” Hawkeye: “Amazing.” Nurse: “The sunrise?” Hawkeye: “The O.R. The amount of punishment the human body can take and still survive.” Trapper: “The doctors or the patients?” Hawkeye: “Which are we?” Wow okay Stoppard M*A*S*H (♥)

Someone’s gotta explain this “It only happens when I go tourist” line to me, as it’s ostensibly the reason why Private Weston knows he can come out to Hawkeye and what on EARTH does that mean!

JESUS CHRIST THE “I LIKE MINE THROUGH THE BOOT” JOKE WAS IN ‘GEORGE’??!!

Hawkeye: “What’s your rush, the war will still be there. Its options have been picked up for another year.” Lordy. M*A*S*H walked so Arrested Development could run honestly.

LOVE the way George comes out by the way. Little obvious logic puzzle, and Hawkeye perfectly playing along.

The entire pick-up football game tackling Father Mulcahy upstage makes me laugh so, so much

Oh god yeah—shots checkers

Wild that they are getting very very drunk playing shots checkers to try to talk about how this soldier has come out to Hawkeye and now what do they do

Wiiiild how many exhausted gay ass looks Hawley keeps giving to Trapper as Frank shares his ~information~

Love that Trapper is construing of homosexual behavior as just an expression of “individuality.” That so figures for him. God what a man.

Hawkeye: “How can you kick this little puppy of a person?” The puppy is Radar.

“Frank, why are you telling me this? Has the man made a pass at you? At me, at anyone?” I love Henry Blake. “Well you just never know, do you?” I am convinced sometimes he does. I am convinced Henry Blake knows far more about some of his officers in some regards than Potter ever did, and is just peaceably pretending he has no idea so that he’s got plausible deniability to keep not doing anything about it. Which is what makes it so annoying that Frank is talking to him about this right now.

It really is stunning that in the episode with the canon queer character & associated fall-out they are not remotely stopping doing things like Hawkeye stepping in for this nurse and stroking his hand until Henry asks if they can skip past the manicure

“a noncommittal goodbye leer”

Oho, Trapper canonically 6’3”. Damn Hawk your boyfriends are all so tall

Goddd bless Larry Linville for somehow making “Trap” sound like the most awkward terrible thing coming out of his mouth

“Trapper John McHypocrite” and asking him to look you in the eye could be a BIT much for the specifics of Weston’s situation, Hawkeye! Let’s reel around, let’s pivot!

The saucy no-hetero rewrite of this final button is too easy, and at least they gave us that.

2x21 ‘Crisis’

Father Mulcahy looks so cute in his jacket. He’s got his collar flipped up against the wind. Philadelphia <3

“Morning, Father. Take a pew.” Cute

Pierce, stop flirting with the priest

Very surprising that Alda is the least bundled up in this scene, how'd this happen

Trapper commenting that he’s gotta write this Frankism down and then actually doing it and sticking the note in his shirt pocket—my guy

Very foolish to put Hawkeye on maintenance & general services

Henry: “Now Radar will be the Housing Officer. Before this is over, we may have to double up or triple up to save heat. Radar will decide who sleeps with who.” Trapper: “Radar, I’d like to see you right after the meeting.” It’s such a funny line reading, and then he ends up cozy in adjoined cots with Hawkeye and it’s even better.

Oooo is this the debut of Klinger’s fur coat!

I love when the couples face off

Trapper, holding an unlit flashlight on Frank as he tries to move for the hot plate: “I’ve got you covered.”

Frank: “Ohh, you!” Together: “We are Not.” I’m gonna murder them

All them piling in shivering to the Swamp fills my heart with, incongruously, warmth. This is when the show really started to family them. The addition of Father Mulcahy and Corporal Klinger is key to this.

Klinger: “I’ve never slept in an officer’s tent before.” Hawkeye: “We’ll try to be kind.” Oh my god

Second appearance of Radar’s homemade surgical gauze & headphones earmuffs, BLESS

Love Klinger practicing skincare

“Power boss,” fun. Trapper really does take to being responsible for something so well. He likes a task.

I’ll never be over Trapper & Hawkeye essentially in a double bed under Frank sideways in a hammock. This was such wonderful blocking. “Frank, stop swinging.”

“Father, it’s cold out there—you want my stole?” “Oh, thank you my son!” Meanwhile, the boys are scrabbling around with Frank’s feet trying to steal his socks. Larry: “Noooo!” Obsessed with this episode

Haha it actually does kinda feel like a season finale the way it ends on the visual of Henry’s office now entirely empty. Thanks for validating my order choices, M*A*S*H!

*****

Viewguides (selected episodes for each season; M*A*S*H reduced like a gravy)

Misc. MASH (formless notes from my watches)

#M*A*S*H hours (all this & More)

#ha ha indulgent #Misc. MASH #M*A*S*H hours #M*A*S*H #Tarra takes notes

11 notes · View notes

riverdale-retread · 10 months

Text

Riverdale S7 E 10 (Chapter 127) American Graffiti

Jughead Jones has no time to open this episode with pithy narration because he’s too busy being helpful to the very incompetent Sheriff Keller. The diner’s external neons are very red, the redness refracted through the windows adorned with red writing (very non-ominous “Home Made Fries”) and the red of the police lights. (The idea of Sheriff Keller going, I need to talk to that Jughead kid! and then flashing the lights on his cop car to rush the 3 miles or whatever of an abandoned road in this tiny town to get to the diner as fast as possible, and then ran in so very fast he forgot to turn them off is very funny to me.)

The hyperurgent question that must be answered with such haste is - Did the dead Rayberry have next of kin? Is he SERIOUS? Aren’t there ways to check PUBLIC RECORDS?

Jughead Jones is at first flustered because they didn’t really talk about what Rayberry’s life was before Jughead. They had a pseudo parent-adopted-child situation going on, and children are generally not interested in the youth of their parents. Then Jughead recalls that Rayberry did mention a wife, but “only in passing” and was otherwise very tight lipped about it. Sheriff Keller, the one that should still be looking for the killer who murdered a husband and wife IN THEIR HOME and left Ethel Muggs an incarcerated orphan, acts like talking to Jughead is the only thing he could’ve done, and now that he’s done it without getting a copy of the marriage certificate and the name and present address of Rayberry’s next of kin from the high school student,s he has no idea what to do next.

As per usual, Jughead Jones is the one with any sort of investigative acumen, policework or journalism or otherwise - he wants to take a look at whatever records might be at Pep Comics, a known source of Rayberry’s income.

Keller initially started out saying he wanted to “solve” the Rayberry suicide, which was an odd choice of words, but now he says what he really wants to do which is to “put this sorry mess behind” him “as soon as possible.” So Keller is really terrible as a crime solver or bringer of justice - he doesn’t give a shit about any of it, wants to be ‘finished’ with his homework (i.e. stamp all the files CASE CLOSED) and try to get as many people to do the work FOR him while he drives around in his car with the shiny lights.

Jughead also finds Keller’s stated goals questionable. His face goes from earnest concern to a full on ‘What the fuck did I just hear?’ scowl.

The next morning, at the Andrews house, the amount of youthful and aging testosterone has rendered the air in the kitchen too toxic for Mary to enter in her own house. Uncle Fucking Frank walks in on the bisexual boyfriends having a lover’s quarrel about their favorite dream threesome partner. Archie thinks Marilyn Monroe is sexier than Elizabeth Taylor, and seeks Frank’s support. Frank appears to dodge by naming three additional supersexy women - Sophia Loren, Brigitte Bardot, Eartha Kitt - and then says his vote goes to Elizabeth Taylor.

Why.

WHY ARE THEY GIVING FRANK GOOD TASTE IN MOVIE ICONS.

Archie finds this unacceptable (‘what the frig??’) and then threatens to spank them (that’s what that means right? Itchin’ for a switchin’?). He woke up very horny this morning.

It turns out Archie’s grades are up to a B+ GPA! It … it is?? I’m -. Really? Wow Archie, I really didn’t expect you to be capable of that. Good on you.

As a result, Archie gets his “cruisin’ street machine” back.

Archie catches the keys. As soon as he looks back at Reggie, the two are off running towards the garage. Reggie leaves behind his cornflakes and everything!

The soundtrack tells her this car’s “front is slagging.” Slag = British slang for slut = Archie’s car has a slutty front. Reggie agrees with the song - this car is “the most beautiful thing” he’s ever seen. Archie runs his hand alongside the edges of his car, This is the only thing in the world that he finds more irresistible to look at than Reggie. Reggie says he’s always loved cars but could never afford one.

As the music abruptly switches to what I named The Fred Sonata for Piano (which on further listen turns out to be a variation on the main theme tune for the show that plays over the credits), Archie tells the tale of how he and Saint Fred found the car in the dump, adopted her and brought her up right, to this present state of glory. A labor of love that took years and completed just before Fred went off to die in Korea. Interestingly, though Archie Andrews has said the word KOREA more times than I ever thought he would, he doesn’t say it when talking to Reggie. The two engage in car-lingo related foreplay which I have no basis of comprehension (Is this a straight six? - V8 with headers), which thankfully develops into innuendo that I CAN follow (“Can she lay rubber?” - “why don’t we play hooky and and I’ll show you?”). I mean. If this was on HBO they’d immediately perform sex acts in this car, right? Archie has literally heart lights in his eyes as he sits legs spread and crotch presented to Reggie.

At Pep Comics, Fieldstone has a genuine reaction to the death of Rabyerry - chuckling. I like him for this, for being very honest about how much he doesn’t care. (“It’s a shame. Talented guy” is his summary, delivered with a smile.) Jughead takes the body blow of being told “you writers” are inevitably headed for this sort of “kick in the teeth” death via “secret demon” because he wants to know if Rayberry had a wife. Turns out, Fieldstone doesn’t know (Why would he?) but he does know where the MONEY was going: Half of it sent to a P.O. box in a small town in S. Carolina.

We cut to the activity board at Riverdale High. There’s the cross country team, the life guards, the tryout notice for baseball, the track and field team, the Bulldogs, and some place with new classes to which all students are welcome. Black Athena, the literary club, has a really fabulous, well designed poster, except it’s really kind of obnoxious. It’s a club that you can attend “By Invite Only” except they also tell you when they hold meetings. Who’s idea was it to be so meangirl about this? If it’s invite only why put up a sign?

Clay is talking about Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man which I have not read. Clay, Tabitha and Toni are there, as are two other black students. Tabitha is wearing a wonderful cardigan - navy blue with golden butterflies set off by embroidered shiny things all round. Toni says something about how the writing feels jazzy and improvisational, to which Clay, who is revealing a sort of annoying know-it-all-and-monologue-in-a-discussion aspect of his personality, agrees with by providing factoid about the author (he played jazz trumpet). Tabitha is not a fangirl of Ellison because he reveals a sexist attitude in his critique of Zora Neale Hurston’s Their Eyes Were Watching God (which is a book I *have* read and found amazing so 1 for me on the Tabitha side of things.) The show gives a new-to-me black male character the final word on Hurston - that she wrote in a caricatured way for a white audience. (Being Korean and not an American I have no way to participate in this sort of debate.) The other woman there, whose name I also don’t know, says that she dislikes Ellison for being dark and angry all the time with no reprieve. This time it’s Clay that phrases a disagreement about a work of art with a woman in the form of a CORRECTION. Clay and the other guy will brook no criticism about Eliison, apparently.

When Clay says “our skin” a white teacher (female) issues a warning - a sort of harrumphing.

Toni says she’s really “digging this conversation” but I really am not. This feels like someone went and cribbed a term paper available for free on the 2022 internet, plus Clay and this other guy are just being sexist clods who won’t hear any woman criticize their hero. Toni of course has to try to salvage this situation because this club was her idea, but that is disappointing. She does turn the conversation over to seek everyone’s thoughts on Their Eyes Were Watching God.

Cheryl was walking by in her cheerleader uniform, so of course she takes a creepy peek into the room before leaving.

Meanwhile, Reggie and Archie are out driving, top down to take in the pristine air, having a blast. Reggie is whooping it up.

In the hallway at school, Fangs tells Midge (who still looks very not pregnant but also somehow everyone knows?) that he has a gig in Centerville, where the headliner is Richie Valens. There will be producers scouting for talent.

OH MY GOD I MISS JOSIE.

I can’t begin to express my horror at what I thought was the inevitable prospect of Fangs performing a whole number. He wants a very excited Midge NOT to come because it’s the boonies in a rough part of town. His whole plan for marriage and fatherhood is to be a rich and famous musician. Is this the Romeo and Juliet storyline, where they are given a really stupid plan by a really stupid priest (Toni) and go about executing it in the stupidest way possible?

In the student lounge, Jughead is telling Tabitha all about his recent findings - about the PO Box, about the money. Tabitha immediately catches on - this sort of behavior does not seem like suicidal ideation to her. (Is it not? I have no idea). When Jughead brings up his plan to a) break into a dead man’s apartment that is b) being investigated by the police, such as it is and c) snoop into a near-stranger’s personal life when the possibility of consent is nonexistent, Tabitha says the thing that marks her as a true-blue denizen of Riverdale: “Would you maybe want some company for that?”

This 50s Tabitha just like the OG one - she who was up for cosplaying a truck stop prostitute to bait a serial killer, the one who went on a mushroom trip with Betty who had always been sketchy to her, sold to them by the sketchiest person possible (Jughead’s NY girlfriend Jess) in the weirdest location ever (the underground bunker where Jughead once ran away from in his underpants, leaving only bloody handcuffs behind), his desire to commit arson etc. Same energy, really. Plus being a black girl in the company of a white boy in a dead white man’s apartment - isn’t the peril for her possibly quadruple whatever might befall Jughead if things go sideways??

Meanwhile, Betty and Veronica are choosing THEIR dream threesome partners, trying to make the choice between Marlon Brando and Paul Newman. Well, Veronica is asking about dream threesome partner, but Betty answers a question that isn’t asked. She answers the fuck/marry/kill question, with kill omitted. So she’d fuck Marlon Brando and marry Paul Newman. Which I think is literally everyone’s answer.

Veronica lays another heavy handed compliment on Betty Cooper (“Your skin is glowing”) to which Betty says that having Alice no longer try to ‘mother’ her has been the thing that’s been great for her skin. Of course, being banished from your mom’s home altogether to be drop kicked into Riverdale like Veronica is different from Alice Cooper pitching a hissy fit to ‘stay out of ‘ her daughter’s life are categorically different, but as I’ve said, Veronica Lodge of the 1950s AU is deeply lonely, so she will take whatever common ground she can find with literally anyone. She tells Betty that their mutual (but very different) motherless situations means they are “independent’ and “unconstrained.”

Just then, Reggie and Archie finally roll into school together. They’re both wearing their letter jackets but that also means they color coordinate together as a set with the car. Someone whistles at the three of them - the car, Reggie and Archie. Betty’s eyes light up. Veronica suggests that they have their “very own Marlon and Paul to play with” at the school, so all that about tossing boys’ expectations to the wind is hereby canceled. Veronica and Betty are giving the two the most heated, knowing looks, but neither Reggie nor Archie even notice, because they are so sated by the car.

Which I don’t understand. I commute via long distance drive every weekday, but I just don’t have this sort of relationship with cars.

Determined to make good on her word, Veronica approaches Reggie at his locker. His locker has what looks like a schedule, a pinup of a dark haired bathing beauty standing against a surf board, photo of cars, and something else I can’t make out. Veronica apologizes standing Reggie up the other day, seeking another chance. Reggie turns out to be very very smooth. He says, “I’m not scared of the chase, but in my experience, some people don’t really wanna be caught. Is that you?”

Sir. SIR?

Wow.

Veronica invites him to give chase, so Reggie asks to borrow Archie’s car to take Veronica on that date. It’s not the borrowing of the car that bothers Archie about this proposal - it’s that he wants Veronica to keep her silky manicured mitts off of Reggie. When Reggie insists, Archie gives in, applying what they recently learned in school (Mi casa es tu casa!). They shake hands at a very low level that made me initially think that Reggie was slapping Archie’s ass. Reggie is so happy. It was both entertaining and a bit odd to see these two act like bouncy teenagers in s7 when in all previous seasons they’ve been very intense and not particularly playful with each other.

Toni is explaining how much she loves Black Athena to Cheryl, who isn’t invited. She calls it “finally something worthwhile and worthy.” Which is a deeply insensitive thing to say to Cheryl, who is the head cheerleader, dance captain of the local danceathon tv show, and president of the James Dean fan club. Further, she’s the one who bankrolled this endeavor by either embezzling the funds or out of pocket (at some unstated personal sacrifice to herself). Is this justice for Cheryl, that she funds a club to which she is not invited, only to be told how amazing it is by the person she expressly enable to create it?

Cheryl is wearing a wonderful cardigan, scarlet let with lots of embroidered jewel details.

Cheryl confesses that she took a peek inside the room that one time when the Black Athena meeting was happening. Toni agrees that this meeting was indeed ‘tremendous’ which I have doubts about because it looked like the typical thing where men monopolize the conversation unless they’re ‘correcting’ the opinion of a woman who disagreed with them. Because Cheryl will not be allowed into the room as far as Toni is concerned, Toni feels safe talking about Clay’s tendency to ‘take the floor’ too much behind his back, though she didn’t do anything to back up either of the other women when the discussion was actually happening.

Seriously, what is happening with Toni?

Cheryl is being a very sweet girlfriend. Where Toni has been prattling off about how her bookclub is the most awesome, only-worthwhile-thing-ever, blah blah, Cheryl when asked about how she’s doing only says that she really misses Toni and desires her and wants to be intimate with her.

Toni does not feel the same.

She’d rather read and prepare for the next meeting of her “tremendous” book club where Clay drones on nonstop than spend time with Cheryl. Because Cheryl thought that Toni accepting the money meant something about her emotional re-engagement, not realizing that Toni is vain and self-centered enough to think that hearing about how very pleased with herself she is should be sufficient for Cheryl.

Cheryl really has it so bad for Toni, because this is one of the lowliest forms of date rejection ever (I have to read for my bookclub?!??!), yet she doesn’t give up. She tries to finagle an invitation to this club that WOULD NOT EXIST but for her providing the funds for it. Toni refuses even that. What Toni says is that she wants to make sure ‘everyone’ is comfortable, but of course she means SHE is uncomfortable. Then she sets a date - towards the END of the semester - with additional qualitative conditions - “when Black Athena is more established.” And I can’t help but add, when Finals are around the corner and clubs tend to slowly cease their activities. I think Toni is betting that by the end of the semester, she will find alternative sources of funding for this project so that she won’t even have to do this showing-off-but-calling-it-conversation that she’s doing with Cheryl.

Why is this happening with Toni? She’s being actively made an asshole, but she wasn’t really that kind or nice a character to begin with, so it’s not like this shows some shocking new aspect. Toni was always the kind of person who bought a bar so she could force people to watch her sing karaoke while writhing her heavily pregnant body around with a snake on her shoulders. Egotism was a feature of this character. So why the added emphasis?

The two of them hold hands (very nervously, on Cheryl’s part). They both have very long, very pointed nails, which I would normally object to in the context of Choni but since they’re not fucking at all, I guess I have to let that go. By the by- Cheryl seems NOT AT ALL out. Does she know or will she ever find out that Toni outed her to Clay and Tabitha, whom she has not been shown to ever be talking to, and that they had no reaction to that outing?

Elsewhere in school, the heterosexuals are being wholesome and nontoxic. (Toni, LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE). Betty asks out Archie and they both smile adorably with their huge, perfect American teeth. Betty wants to go out on the date TONIGHT, except of course, they can’t use the car because Reggie and Veronica have it. Archie doesn’t want to do anything sexual with anyone without that damn car - the prospect of bus and walk are just horrific to him, but for Betty the point is to be on a date with Archie, so she doesn’t mind.

Jughead has made good on his word, broke into the Rayberry apartment and is sifting through his stuff. This is the same apartment that Jabitha live in together, both in Rivervale and Riverdale. Rayberry has the same sort of ship-tossed-by-the-sea artwork that Jughead and Fred Andrews also favored. Tabitha is of course with him. It’s Tabitha who finds the motherload of letters, including a photo of June, taken in 1948. June Simpson, a black woman, wrote a whole brick’s worth of love letters to Rayberry from South Carolina. June has her name, address and phone number in Rayberry’s little black book.

Jughead braves the phone call. He addresses June as “Mrs. Simpson” but she doesn’t react to that designation. Instead she wants to know who it is. His voice very gentle and with as much courtesy as he can muster, Jughead tells the lady that Rayberry is dead. As she begins with weep, he answers her questions - he isn’t sure how Rayberry died, he hopes he didn’t suffer, they were coworkers, and his apartment is in Seaside, on Magnolia Street. She’s also extremely polite and composed through her tears, thanking Jughead for his offer to ‘tidy up’ Rayberry’s apartment.

At school, where the ground is very wet outside, Kevin is staring off into the distance on the steps. When asked about it by Cheryl, he says that he was “floating on a cloud” because he just heard Clay recite his “Ode to Sidney” (Poitier??) at a meeting of Black Athena. I’m grateful to the show for not making me hear this. From the way Kevin is reacting, I assume this was an erotic poem to the magnificence of Sidney Poitier, and of course Kevin would get off on something like that. More importantly, Cheryl is shocked that Kevin got the invitation.

At her date with Archie, Betty is talking about how much she is enjoying being liberated from Alice’s attention. Archie is (understandably) bored by this conversation, as anyone would be, because this is not good date talk, but more than that, of course, he’s thinking about his car. He’s not listening to her AT ALL. The conversation goes from bad to worse. “I’m wondering were Reggie and Veronica are on their date!” Archie says. Why aren’t they at the diner (with his car!)? Archie would like to know. Betty is extremely annoyed.

At the coffee house, Cheryl confronts Toni in the most passive aggressive way (“Kevin says it was amazing, life changing even!”) about the inconsistency in Toni being extremely cautious about inviting Cheryl when Clay could just call another clueless white person into a Black Athena meeting. Toni says something very pointed - that Clay could “invited his boyfriend” when he is going to recite a poem, which means Cheryl is not her girlfriend. I mean, Kevin and Clay aren’t out, are they, about their relationship? Or is that why Keller is so distracted in his police duties? Does he want to suicide because his son came out??

In the most begrudging, unsmiling way possible, Toni hands Cheryl the book that will be discussed, sighing, and says she can come. Which means that the whole bit about making sure everyone else was comfortable and all that was just a lie.

That night, Reggie comes home to the Andrews house very late. Archie is waiting like a disapproving father (of the car, which is gendered female), yelling at Reggie like he’s a guy who took advantage of his ‘little girl.’ He calls Reggie “Mantle” and is mean for the first time - “That is your last time in my car.”

I’m with Archie on this one. When someone lends you their car, you should bring it home in a reasonable amount of time. Reggie being obnoxiously not-sorry about the late hour did not help his case at all. Instead of just explaining himself, he says that he DID take advantage of Archie’s daughter - I mean, car. Took her out on the highway, ‘opened her up’ etc.

The next morning, Uncle Fucking Frank is trying to take care of his bag, which is intimately tied to Reggie Mantle being willing to be a free boarder at Mary Andrews’ house (WHERE DID SHE GO?) so he can be the only competent basketball player at RIverdale (thereby allowing Uncle Fucking Frank to keep his job as coach). He urges Archie to give Reggie a break, because he’s far from home, far from family, and grew up scraping by without the Andrews’ boys’ advantages.

Betty is sucking on her lollipop of sexual frustration because of her terrible date with Archie yesterday. Veronica wants the full skinny, but then both girls end up confessing that both of their dates were not fun. Both boys were distracted. Betty seems almost to be over Archie - she suggests switching dance partners to try again. I’m not sure if she meant switch partners with Veronica or find a new set of boys, but Veronica is still very hot to trot for Reggie, so she doesn’t like that idea. She suggests a double date, telling the lollipop wielding Betty that they need to give their beaus a chance to “redeem themselves for being such unlicked cubs.” She wants everyone to go to the concert that Fangs mentioned earlier - where “hipsters and hepcats” will be.

Hepcat was actually a word back in the day, it’s not a Riverdaleism. Why did it fall out of favor while hipster went on to have a modern life?

This is an interesting bit of self censorship that Veronica keeps engaging in. She never corrects or says no to Betty. She just suggests something different, in order to distract her from the Betty idea she doesn’t like.

In the student lounge, Tabitha gives Jughead a summary of what she’s learned about the Rayberry’s marriage. They got married in New York, then moved to S. Carolina where their relationship became the target of the KKK (brick through the window, burning cross on the lawn, no help from the police). Tabitha finds their love story beautiful. The Rayberry’s plan was to get June’s family somewhere safe before leaving for Paris. Because this plan seems so future oriented, Jabitha find it ever more unlikely that Rayberry suicided. I find this all rather unsupported by how Rayberry was living his life. Why not try to sell his novel, for example? Plus the thought that a black woman and a white man would marry in NYC and then go to South Carolina to start their mixed race family makes me think they were really, really silly people, tragic as their story is. Tabitha says that she saw racist attacks and incidents all the time when she was on tour for the Emmett Till remembrance campaign. Tabitha’s sartorial theme is butterflies - she’s wearing a butterfly belt.

Archie catches up with Reggie to apologize, to which Reggie also finally apologizes. He says he’s “car crazy” to a literal disease level. They make up, and just in time - Veronica and Betty want to be taken on a double date to Centerviille.

At the Native Son discussion at Black Athena, both Cheryl and Kevin are there. Why does Clay get to be the master of ceremonies? Is it because Toni, though she’s black, needed to have blackness explained to her by Tabitha? (Oh, I haven’t read this book either.) Clay is insufferable, as well as very incompetent as a book discussion reader. He insists that the correct opinion is to find the book “harrowing and thought provoking” but honestly, and this is true for any book, anyone can find any volume opaque or irrelevant, just as much. He also controls who gets to speak when. Why is Toni, THE FOUNDER, and a weak ass piece of shit, allowing this to happen?

Tabitha turns out to be much better at this than Clay: “The book asks, where does the responsibility lie.”

According to Riverdale, the plot of Native Son involves a man killing a woman, but even though a girl is murdered, the main message (in service of which a woman character was femicided) is about white ignorance. The reader is supposed to hold hands with a woman killer because he was oppressed by the “box that white society built around him” (according to Tabitha).

Pause and sidebar to ask some questions. Is this a fair summary of Native Son? Further, why is Riverdale taking it upon itself to tell this story? And for non-American women (uh, me) a man killing a woman in the story is not going to make me want to read it if the ‘correct’ reading is to brush her killing aside to talk about the very specific, America-only problem of coping with the legacy of racialized chattel slavery. Clay having read this book three times almost makes me determined not to read it, because he’s OBNOXIOUS. The unnamed(?) black woman in the group says what she evidently thinks might be a ‘hot take’ - “All right I’ll say it” before she gives her thought, but Clay can’t help himself. He shoots down her thought AND shuts down her ability or opportunity to say anything more because he obnoxiously tells her someone else, someone better, a MAN no less, already had her exact thought already (“And James Baldwin would agree with you.”)

Because I don’t know this book, I’m only reacting to the gender dynamics of this discussion group and the way it’s unfolding, and now I think that Clay is as much a woman hating piece of shit as Kevin, which is why they are so happy together. Clay just WILL NOT LET women speak, ever. He also puts Cheryl on the spot.

In a panic, Cheryl initially says that she has nothing to add. This vow to keep quiet was something that she offered Toni when she forced this invitation out of her, to which TONI DID NOT DISAGREE, but at this moment, Toni abandons her wholesale, shooting her a look of disapproval.

Other than the fact that Toni is the only out girl she knows, what the hell is Cheryl’s attraction to this shitty person?

Anyway, when pushed, Cheryl does come up with some cogent things to say. That the novel is powerful, and that the “family in the book, the Daltons” seemed familiar to her in “unpleasant ways.” Apparently, the other black male student’s name is “Jeremy” according to the closed captioning I just turned on. He’s exactly the one that is made uncomfortable by Cheryl’s presence. Or maybe he’s actually more sensitive than Toni and Clay - that is, this book has as its main plot point the murder of a young white girl, after all. Anyway, Jeremy takes Cheryl to task asking “Is Native Son the only novel by a Black author that you’ve ever read?”

For some reason, Cheryl is supposed to feel bad about this even though none of this has been in her formal education. Clay steps in to offer Cheryl his syllabus of must-read books. This isn’t really for Cheryl’s benefit though. It’s because Kevin apparently started from the same place of unfamiliarity, so Clay is defending himself for having brought the first clueless white newbie to this book club more than he’s trying to be of service to Cheryl. Did Jeremy ask this same question in that same way to Kevin when he came to his first Black Athena meeting? Why was THAT awkward initial encounter never referred to or shown?

WHY ARE WE TAKING CARE OF KEVIN FUCKING KELLER IN THE STORY AND PUTTING CHERYL BLOSSOM ON THE SPOT?

And why allow white people into this space at all? Simply because Clay’s vanity needed Kevin simping for him live as he simped for Sidney? I thought the point of this group was to showcase black writers, while providing the black students a safe place to say what they needed to say (which was already hampered by a disapproving white teacher). Did they change their minds? Because this seems to have lost its way a bit, in Clay wanting to evangelize (and show off) about black literature to white people, which is a categorically different conversation.

Jughead, whenever he finds something out, has to go directly to the authorities, so he’s done that here. He is giving Sheriff Keller some very unwanted additional homework. Jughead says “disguising murder as suicide has been a gimmick in detective fiction since” forever. Keller doesn’t want to do the homework, so he asks how well Jughead knew Rayberry. Then he lays out some unflattering facts about Rayberry - communist, draft dodger, war protester, dope fiend, mental illness sufferer. The file compiled on Rayberry is quite thick. Keller, whose son is living (I think?) a secret gay life, which is the same Keller, who cultivates a consultant-client relationship with prostitutes while a cop, says that someone with a lot of secrets is inevitably going to commit suicide. That is to say - he really, really doesn’t want to do any real detective work. Jughead glares at him.

Clay doesn’t do any of the clean up after the Black Athena meeting. That sort of housework he leaves to the women. And Cheryl has volunteered for maid duty. (I did not expect that this is the episode where I hate Clay, but I hate Clay now). Cheryl stayed to hear Toni’s thoughts. Toni says she was relieved, that she was worried about everyone’s discomfort (Cheryl’s and her other friends, in turn) but that’s a lie. She was worried about being called out for having a clueless white (ex?) girlfriend, i.e. she was worried for herself. Cheryl is very honest - she says that she WAS uncomfortable, and that Toni’s other friends were also uncomfortable (especially Jeremy) but Toni glides over that with “everyone settled in nicely” because above all else, she can’t have this thing she started, The Black Athena Club, not be a success. Even though it’s called ATHENA and a man completely takes over every conversation.

Cheryl comes out as actually heroic. From this conversation, even though Toni didn’t say a single word to or for her, even though Clay put her on the spot and then condescended to her, even though Jeremy made her the representative to be low key told off for not including black writers in Riverdale’s curriculum - even though all this happening, Cheryl still came to the correct conclusion, that her unaware white self should not be changing the nature of what Black Athena was founded for. She’s alert enough to figure out, unprompted, that her very presence alters things in a profound way.

There are so many things weird about this. Cheryl coming to this astonishing level of self awareness that there are spaces necessary in which the majority members of a diverse society should not seek a seat and that her very presence might be a detraction, is actually out of character for Cheryl. This is too advanced for where and who she is, for one. For another, Riverdale the show gathered its sparse number of black characters with names and speaking roles into one room to have their own space to discuss black literature, but constructed a plot so that CHERYL, a BLOSSOM, a rich white girl descended directly from land snatching (implied) genociders, is the one with the hero’s journey. Granted, she paid for it, so that interpersonal weirdness between Cheryl and Toni is just making things murkier.

Toni seems relieved (I think she was worried Cheryl might pull funding OR not be her back up funding next semester). And Cheryl is giving me whiplash because I said all that I said above about her having the heroic arc with Black Athena, but I also spoke too soon (even though this is my second time through).

Because what Cheryl is really after is more time with Toni. To be close to Toni, to understand Toni, to have things to talk about with Toni, and get into Toni’s pants. She’s willing to plough through whatever homework Toni wants to set her to feel OK dating Cheryl Blossom. Cheryl is rewarded for her good behavior by Toni asking her out on the date to the concert in Centerville. I am very sick of this.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Rayberry is talking about her dead husband with Tabitha and Jughead. She reads it to them. Rayberry was going to try to get his novel published, which he hoped would get them enough money “to buy your parents a place in the city and move to Paris.” Thanks to his relationship with Jughead (which he seems to have never mentioned to her), Rayberry was “filled with such optimism about” the future. They all agree that thai doesn’t seem suicidal in the least.

Jughead feels the need to check in with the widow about the ‘negative’ things Keller told him about Rayberry. She is very patient and kind, providing an explanation for each item. He did protest the Korean War but he fought in the uh, good one, I guess (Full disclosure: My whole life, which I’ve enjoyed very much so far, would be impossible without the American men who fought and died in the Korean War.) His injury in WW2 got him addicted to opium, his stay at mental hospital was a voluntary self-check in, and he went to Communist gathering in the Great Depression (because capitalism had a big hiccough then).

Mrs. Rayberry says that her husband was “an optimist despite everything that life threw at him.” I mean, he had to have been. It also explains the extreme attracting Jughead Jones felt for him too. Jughead Jones is attracted to hope. “Always believing something better is around the corner” has the same ring to it as “I’ll figure something out, I always do.”

Jughead makes a face that lets us know he is going to get really feral about this new fixation. He wants to know who may have wanted to harm Brad Rayberry, and why. Mrs. Rayberry is too heartsick and sad, only able to say that the world is a tough place (to which Tabitha has a very emotional reaction), but she won’t stop or forbid Jughead from investigating what really may have happened.

In an abrupt change of pace we check in with Reggie, Archie, Veronica, Betty and the two boys’ obsession with cars, all out on a joint date at Pop’s. The boys are poring over some car magazine, which Veronica belatedly recognizes was a bad idea to permit them to get. They try to get the boys’ attention (but why though?). Veronica says she used to be driven around by Steve McQueen, to which Betty one ups her and says she’s a V8 fixing expert. This does make Archie lift his head from his car porn to actually look at her face for just a second. But then it’s right back to car porn, so the girls get them out of there and on to the road.

Except Reggie and Archie confront each other about who gets to drive. Reggie drove to the diner, so Archie wants to drive to Centerville. They biker while the two fed up hotties step out ahead of them.

Mrs. Rayberry takes her leave of the two young people. She is going to give Rayberry a proper burial, then get his novel published. She also, as I guess the executor of his estate, gives Jughead Jones express permission to adapt his stories into comic books. Jughead says that he’ll get Pep Comics to do some sort of tribute issue (with proceeds going to the estate.)

Then, Mrs. Rayberry asks Jabitha if they’re going steady. These two have the single cutest romantic moment in the whole episode. They’re both startled by the question, though not at all displeased. Jughead understands the question first, saying, Oh no, no, while Tabitha takes a moment to comprehend it (“Who, Us??”). After saying No No, while grinning in a pleased way, Jughead says, “I mean…” and stops talking while he stares at Tabitha like the sun is rising from her forehead. When Tabitha says, We’re classmates, he turns quickly to look at Mrs. Rayberry wondering if she caught him saying “I mean..” Then Tabitha adds that they are “friends, I would say,” which makes Jughead so disappointed for a second that he can’t look at anybody. He does recover though, enough to say “Good friends, good friends, yeah. Pals.” When he says PALS though, it’s Tabitha’s turn to be disappointed - she gives him a quick sideways look, which he feels like a touch on his cheek, causing him to look back at her.

Mrs. Rayberry tells them to take care of each other, before leaving. I love that her gloves, belt, and hat are all the same color. It looks so stylish.

On the Riverdale faildate, the car has broken down. Apparently, it’s just empty of gas, not broken. So the two girls send the boys off to get the gas. While she and Betty “stay here and huddle for warmth.”

The long walk back along the road would be shortened quite a bit by being able to hitch a ride, but the boys are out of luck. Archie is tired of Reggie continuing to paw at his vehicle, so he suggests that he ask his sponsor for a car instead. Ask for it as a star player’s perk. “Is that how you see me? As a germ who’s looking for handouts?” I mean, Archie being unable to refuse fancy gifts from the Blossoms is canon, so I don’t think that he thinks that’s at all a bad thing. Reggie gets all defensive, using words like “uppity” and “waxing your car” and “forgetting my place” and so on, but Archie, when it comes to his car, will not let his focus get derailed and won't get drawn into a battle of words. So, they fight physically about it, on the dark side of the dark road. Reggie gets the upper hand, telling Archie to “submit.”

Meanwhile, it’s the lesbians to the rescue! Cheryl pulls up with Toni and Midge in tow, asking if Veronica and Betty are having car trouble. Betty explains their situation, so Toni invites them to hop in. Betty worries about the boys, but Veronica has it right. “Who cares about the boys,” she says, grinning from ear to ear as she skips out of the stalled car.

At the Diner, Jughead is discussing their evening with Tabitha. The meeting with June and reading her letters served as a reminder that she needs to go “back on the road with my folks.” She’d originally wanted to rest, but not anymore. Jughead says he supports her (“There’s nothing more meaningful than that.”) He says he wants to court her (“Maybe I’ll send you some letters too.”)

Archie and Reggie are all disheveled and out of sorts, so Pops, giving them a container of gas, tells them that he has a junker he wants to unload on Reggie. Reggie gives him a big hug. Then, on the walk back to the car, Reggie confesses that he took the car all the way home when he had it that night. He confesses to being homesick, and Archie, who hasn’t really gotten a big grief-related monologue like Jughead gave about Rayberry, says that his grief has settled into a feeling of homesickness for his best friend. (Not surprising, because in Fred’s place has come the terrible Uncle Fucking Frank, who also somehow managed to make Mary Andrews completely disappear.)

Archie says that he hasn’t had a best friend since his father died. Reggie suggests Betty might be a best friend candidate, but Archie just looks back at him. What’s that mean? I’m not sure but apparently she’s not a candidate for best friendship anymore, now that they have sexual feelings for each other.

The whole Beggie / Retty (whatever that ship name is) undercurrents are interesting.

Reminding me that I can’t recall the last time Jughead and Archie actually had a conversation, Reggie asks why it is that “Beef Soup? Soup Can?”” can’t be the best friend. I think in the comics, Jughead had a brother Souphead? Is that where the Soup references come from? Archie laughs as he asks,”Do you mean Jughead?” but he doesn’t confirm or deny anything about him either. Reggie sums it up as “I guess you can’t really talk V8s with him.” Archie does call Jughead a “good egg” and Betty? He seems like he has so much to say about her he can’t get any of the words out. Reggie looks disappointed.

More Beggie/Retty undercurrent.

Also, if OG Jughead knew that Archie in this universe was this tepid about him, he would be so completely crushed.

Reggie’s mystery parents, who they can never show us because of the mishandled race relations episode, are happy Reggie landed with good people. I mean, we’ll see if Reggie gets that scholarship that he needs so badly or if Julian like, takes a bat to Reggie’s knee in a fit of jealousy or something, but for now, they’re not wrong. He’s roommates with Archie, has adjusted more or less OK to the new school, and he’s doing great at his basketball.

Both of them finally remember that they left behind the two girls in the open top car a while back. They giggle about the prospect of being told off by Betty and Veronica. Of course, the girls aren’t there!

Riverdale did a wonderful thing in sparing me from Fangs’ concert. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Fangs was apparently a big hit. Everyone wants his autograph. We have to listen to his very karaoke version of Tutti Frutti but still, it could’ve been a lot worse. He’s carried his guitar to school in the most douchey way possible. Midge being at the concert was “his lucky charm” which netted him a contact with a producer at Phantom Rock Records. I hope it’s a scam.

The school is indeed allowing Reggie to keep Pop’s old vehicle in the shop class lab. Reggie is already working very hard on it. He’s named the car Bella. Archie says it’s in even worse shape than his own car had been. He’s come to offer his help, but it turns out that Betty was the one Reggie called on to help. This might be the first time in his life that Archie is facing some sort of rejection. He not unreasonably must have thought that all the inquiry about best friendships from Reggie was an application to occupy the spot himself, which is why he didn’t cop to his childhood best friendships with either Betty or Jughead. Alas, it turns out Betty is the preferred partner in this instance. (More Beggie/Retty undercurrent!)

Betty says the concert yesterday was excellent. Archie is awkwardly the third wheel as Reggie and Betty work fluidly together on Bella.

At the Rayberry apartment, Jughead is cleaning up when there’s a knock at the door . It’s a lady with a cat held in her arms like a baby. I am so jealous. I’ve never had nor met a cat that allowed any person to do that. She wants milk, which she is sure is going to be in Rayberry’s fridge. She heard the milkman make a delivery to this apartment, because the cat had a strong reaction to the milkman’s bottles clinking. Jughead has his first clue!

#Riverdale recap #riverdale opinions #riverdale episode 127 #riverdale episode 7.10 #riverdale s7 recap #riverdale s7 #riverdale episode recap #Riverdale s6

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agentnico · 8 months

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Strays (2023) Review

Made by the director of the movie that saved cinema during COVID - Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar. Now if that's not a selling point for Strays I don't know what else is.

Plot: Abandoned on the mean city streets by his lowlife owner, Doug, a naive but lovable dog named Reggie falls in with a fast-talking, foul-mouthed Boston Terrier and his gang of strays. Determined to seek revenge, Reggie and his new canine pals embark on an epic adventure to get him home and make Doug pay for his dirty deed.

It is surprising that until now there has not been a crude raunchy comedy about a man's best friend. Dogs, as adorable as they are, can also be the most filthy and disgusting creatures, with their entire thought process being dedicated to humping, bodily fluids, butt-sniffing, and food. And by food meaning they would eat literally anything, no matter how vile the edible thing may be. So yes it was only a matter of time. The trailers have looked fun and boast a solid comedic voice cast, so I thought it would be no harm to give this one a go.

Strays is very much a one-joke comedy. The main aspect that will define if you will find this movie entertaining or not is if you think dogs swearing every second is funny. That primarily is the main gag, and even though I was never bored and the film managed to keep me entertained throughout, it definitely isn't a particularly memorable comedy. There are laugh-out-loud moments though, from the hallucinogenic mushroom sequence teased by the trailers to the endless references to 2017's dog movie A Dog's Purpose with a cameo by Josh Gad as a narrating dog and Dennis Quaid appearing randomly for absolutely no reason whatsoever besides stating the fact that he is Dennis Quaid; to the climactic biting of Reggie's abusive owner's dick that is very over-the-top, gruesome yet oddly satisfying. Those moments are definitely chuckle-worthy, though I am definitely of the opinion that this is a one-time watch and the second time around this movie will lack that punch, or dare I say, bark.

The voice cast is entertaining. Will Ferrell manages to infuse Reggie with the likable innocent naivety we have seen Ferrell do before with Buddy the Elf, and Jamie Foxx trash-talking everything is, well, Jamie Foxx being himself basically. Randall Park and Isla Fisher provide amicable supporting voice turns, and Will Forte as Reggie's owner managed to realistically and despicably portray an absolute arse and a loser, and one that you wanted to see get his dick bitten off. The animation is fairly solid too. The blend of real-life animal 'performances' with the CGI mouth movements are synced for the most part well, though it was a tad uncanny. Or should I say, unK-9?? Nope? I'll get my coat.

The most surprising aspect of Strays was actually the fact it has a big heart, and the emotional outline throughout the narrative tackles themes of abuse and toxic relationships and the importance of companion animal care. Dog lovers will surely enjoy this, and overall Strays is a childish piece of silliness that is a suitable end-caper for what has been a fairly mediocre summer at the movies.

Overall score: 5/10

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invisibleraven · 2 years

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'' you brought me flower? '' for the Alex pairing of your choice

`Alex was pacing his apartment as the clocked ticked ever forward. He knew that it did nothing to calm his anxiety, but what else was he supposed to do while waiting for his date?

He and Reggie had met at a coffee shop, both reaching for the last banana chocolate chip muffin at the same time. Reggie had been gracious, letting him have it, but joked that Alex had to pay for his coffee in turn. Alex had blushed and stammered, and offered to split the muffin and then spent the next hour getting to know Reggie.

Before they parted Reggie had asked him out, and now here Alex was, waiting for him to come to his apartment, so they could go on their date. Putt putt wouldn't have been his first choice, but Reggie said it gave the chance to talk that movies wouldn't, and that they could always go out to eat afterwards. Alex hadn't been able to argue with that, though he didn't mention his horrid golf skills to Reggie. Best he learn about those on the date.

Finally the buzzer sounded and Alex blew out a breath as he pushed the button to let Reggie in. This was it. He was supremely nervous, given it was his first date in.... a while. But Reggie was funny, witty, sweet, and really freaking cute, so despite Alex's tendency to catastrophize, he secretly hoped it went well.

A sturdy knock broke Alex from his panic, so wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans, opened to door to find a beaming Reggie. Holding a bouquet of soft pink daisies, their colour matching the blush painting his cheeks.

"You got me flowers?" Alex asked, his voice breathless.

Reggie's face froze momentarily. "Oh yeah, s that okay? I know it's not normally done with guys, but I always bring my dates flowers, it's a nice romantic touch. Oh crap are you allergic? I can ditch them if you are! Or is it the colour? It's just that you were wearing that pink hoodie and these matched..."

Alex placed a tiny kiss to Reggie's lips to stop his rambling, biting back a grin at the astounded look on his face. "I love them," he said, bringing the blooms up to his nose to inhale their soft scent. "No one has ever brought me flowers before."

"Then I'm honoured to be the first," Reggie said with a grin. Watching as Alex put them in a large jar he had around filled with water. "Ready to get your putt putt on?" he asked, offering his arm.

"Yeah, okay," Alex replied. "But just so you know, I'm horrible at it."

"Well then, it'll give me plenty of chances to help you with your swing," Reggie said with a waggle of his eyebrows. Alex rolled his eyes, but later, with Reggie standing behind him, guiding his club to hit the ball just right, he found he didn't mind.

And if the date ended with a kiss that left them both the colour of the daisies now sitting on Alex's nightstand? Well he found he didn't mind that either.

#filled prompts #ficlet #ralex #julie and the phantoms

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thealmightyemprex · 2 years

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Halloweenathon :Wishmaster

This time we will be looking at a 90's horror flick with loads of horror alum working on it ,from cameos by beloved hrorror actors,to music by Friday the 13ths Henry Manfredini ,with Makeup by KNB EFX the fact it is directed by veteren makeup man Robert Kurtzman ,and produced by Wes Craven

This 1997 film followsAlex (Tammy Lauren) who accidently awakens an ancient Djinn (Andrew Divoff ) who seeks to rule the world but can only do so when the person who awakened him makes three wishes

So I loved this movie,its a lot of fun .This is more of a fun gore fest/creature effects showcase movie

Really what makes the film is the Djinn,though not an accurrate protrayal,from what little I know of Djinn .However I do like the worldbuilding and rules of a Djinn .Like a detail I like is it used to be sorcerers could beat these guys(As shown in a cool opening scene involving a kingdom being tormented by the Djinn ) .....But there arent anymore sorcerers ,theres no artifact or spell or weapon ,the heroine has to beat the Djinn with her wits .The Djinn must consume souls of those who make wishes on him ,and he cant kill people unless they make a wish so he delibarately grants the wishes in the most sadistic way possible . This brings me to Andrew Divoff who plays the Djinn with a sense of gleeful malevolence with a raspy almost reptilian voice .I will also praise the makeup effects ,with wild gore,crazy creatures and of course a solid inhuman otherworldly demonic design of the Djinn .As a villain I think the Djinn is an underrated one ,he has funny moments but really he is just plain scary

If your a hardcore horror fan you get to see some fun small roles played by legendary hrorror veterens such as :Robert Englund from Nightmare on Elm Street , Kane Hodder from the Friday the 13th franchise , John Carpenter mainstay Buck Flower ,Ted Raimi from the Evil Dead series ,Makeup man Tom Savini , Joseph Polito from Day of the Dead ,Tony Todd AKA the Candyman ,Reggie Bannister from the Phantasm series,and a vocal cameo by Angus Scrimm also from Phantasm

The plot,other characters and heroine are all good ,but I'll be honest this is a movie where the monster steals the film

Do I have a criticism:Not really,just that the film doesnt do what I think would be the obvious way to incapacitate the monster (Wish he was mortal,wish away his power,wish he was benevolent etc ) but then youd have no movie

Overall I had a lot of fun with this ,its a fun fantasy take on the slasher

@amalthea9 @angelixgutz @ariel-seagull-wings @metropolitan-mutant-of-ark @princesssarisa @filmcityworld1 @themousefromfantasyland @the-blue-fairie

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kitdkat · 2 years

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My thoughts on season 3 of The Umbrella Academy and just like the show it's messy. Probs not in order.

Warning: spoiler, violence, sexual assault, bad words

16 woman, what happened to 43.

Why are they dancing? Oh my God, they are dancing! Oh wait it's just Diego hallucinating, isn't it?

I was right.

Hey, look Delores.

Thank the writers that they didn't keep emo Ben.

Fei is hot.

Alphonso sounds and looks like Mark Ruffalo.

Jayme is hot.

Luther you simp.

Viktor's transitions is so beautiful, I am crying.

"Do you feel loved" oh my heart

Poor Allison, wait did you just sexually assault Luther. I don't like you right now.

I love Fei's outfits.

Sloanne is cute, I like this relationship.

How is Luther now likable and Allison so awful.

Why is Diego's son white? Are you sure that's his son or casting did a bad job.

I was right not at all his son.

Klaus being Amish makes total sense.

Oh, so the problem is that they don't exist. I bet Viktor and Harlan had to do something about it.

I was right.

Viktor-3, world-0

Lila's interactions with the other character is so sweet.

Allison is sad that her daughter is dead. Tries to feel better by killing Viktor's stepson. Yeah, this villain arc is not forgivable.

Lila and Diego are so cute together.

Wait, Klaus is immortal, makes sense. I thought he just had really good plot armor.

I kinda love the weird father-son montage between Reggie and Klaus.

Drugged Reggie is kinda adorable.

Oh shit Diego's fingers.

Here is a bunch of thoughts on the wedding episode:

Aw Viktor is the Best man.

I love the bachelor party, poor thing that Ben 2.0 wasn't invited.

Hey 10 people left and 80% of them have the same birthday.

Aw the wedding was so cute.

Stop excluding Ben 2.0, I get he is a dick but like it is the end of the world.

OMG everyone is drunk drunk this is funny.

I love the scene where they are just admiring the blackhole consuming the universe.

If you look closely you can Klaus wrapping his arm around Ben 2.0's arm and then just leaning which was cute.

Five drunk is funny. I think he forgets he is small and can't drink as much.

I just realized they haven't put Five and Viktor next to each other that much to not show that Five is getting taller.

Wait, did Klaus and Ben 2.0 have sex. I mean that is really awkward. I don't think Klaus remembers too well but I bet Ben does. I don't know how to feel about the ship. The thing is Ben 2.0 grew up without Klaus and has no attachment. I mean seeing that there is another Ben at the end makes me think they are going to establish dead Ben is alive and make them 2 very different people. Still, they have the same face and genetics. To be honest, I am really just looking forward to the chaos of that situation unfolding.

What the fuck was the ending? I am so confused.

I bet season 4 they are going to try to cause an apocalypse for the new Hargreeve world because of Five's arm coming back.

It actually makes sense that Five is the founder because his powers seem to be the basis of the science of time travel and that was too much of a coincidence.

I think Hotel Obsidian is Paradox resistant, causing it to be the last thing standing.

#tua spoilers #the umbrella academy #spoilers

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limetimo · 2 years

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RAB fics I read these weeks (17th April -1st May)

first footings by wheresmejumper Regulus survives the cave and secretly goes to live with the Potters and baby Harry. They slowly grow to like each other. Super sweet!

Did You Miss Me? by Fantismal, Krethes modern celebrity AU with identity porn and much more, Wolfstar, Jily, mind the tags, excellent reading. Didn’t expect to fall in love with Bellatrix but here we are

A Little Bit of Everything by Frenchroast99 Regulus raising Harry

Regulus Has a Ghost in his Room by godimsuffering this!!!! so good! Regulus has a ghost in his room (it’s Dead Regulus). The ghost encourages him (as much as it can) to stick with Sirius against their parents, and for his heart and loyalty - Reggie is sorted to Hufflepuff!

Leto by Anonymous for Chaotic_Gryffindor_Sass RABfest, Bartylus, blew me away. beautiful and haunting, it really is.

Quite Like Us by alarainai wrong number slowburn Jegulus! v sweet, v lovely, with just enough dramam to keep it spicy ♥

Lying to Myself by Anonymous RABfest I’M FUCKEN SCREAMING MY MIND IS BLOWN MY HEART IS BROKEN

The Marauders and the Chamber of Secrets by SilverShadow1 MArauders + Regulus + Lily read HP and the Chamber of the Secrets! Jegulus, and Lily is ready to commit murder in the name of her never-to-exist-in-their-universe child :D

Star Stepper by Ourania95 Regulus runs away from home, gets jobs, adopts another homeless child, he’s on a roll while Orion is losing is fucking mind with worry and the difference in mood between REgulus’ and Orion’s chapters is so funny sksksksksksk

My Jamie by Kira_readsbooks Jegulus, cute, they get engaged! but also angst ‘couse war

“I've loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night” by Anonymous this is a RABfest moodboard but it’s really very pretty and you should look at it

Small Impact by Shadowmun Jily but James is secretly Regulus’ sub aaaaaaaaaaand then Regulus is dead. Go experience the emotions for yourself!!

lycoris radiata by nyxveuss he’s in a time loop by babes! Drown in the cave -> wake up in fifth year with a head injury from Quidditch practice. Ilysm, Slytherin Quidditch team ♥♥♥

yours for the night by willowjh flirty remus/regulus slowburn

forever is a long time by wtfmylove CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE JEGULUS IS GETTING MARRIED I REPEAT CUTE

Diptych by pansysnarkinson Lucius gifts Regulus a diary... and strange things start happening at Hogwarts. Ehehe

Steal Some Time by ardentlychaotic, BlueSundayCake Regulus and James go camping muggle style! I mean they’re hiding from Death Eaters but I bet Dumbledore playing matchmaker influenced their situation somewhat :D

Tell Me Pretty Lies by fuckboyregulus rosestarchasekiller, top notch soap-opera levels of drama, we love Mrs. Crouch!

Dominoes by LimeOfMagicLimo, wtfmylove James and Regulus have a sorta accidental road trip across India and oh my god I’m responsible for the next chapter, how am I to write when I’m too busy marveling at wtfmylove’s creation?? There’s so much going on here my dudes

Is It True That... by disillusionist9 so effing cute I can’T. James asks Remus about love

Name Like Poetry by orphan_account I’m s c r e a m i n g this IS poetry

Perfect Places by wtfmylove Bellatrix killed a bitch and now Regulus has to work with his most beloathed enemy James Potter to keep the family business afloat :D

when you were mine by battlehamster I. does this fic need any more introduction? Go read it if you haven’t yet! Single parent James! Major little bitch Regulus! Broken hearts and mended bridges! Baby Harry!

movement by oceanicfeelings James is not dead and Regulus is not dead but Voldemort will be if they have anything to say about it. Also they both need a thousand year nap and therapy

Aiepathy by peachloulou HANAHAKI DISEASE my beloveds (James has it)

lovelorn liars by orphan_account HANAHAKI DISEASE my beloveds (Regulus has it)

this is me trying by witchhunts he’s trying ok. aka Regulus time travels to his younger body anddd has to play nice with his brother and his friends so that he doesn’t have to go to Grimmauld’s for the hols

Around broken in two, 'Till your eyes shed, into dust by Mrs_Stubby_Boardman in OotP Sirius has a nightmare and it makes him think of Regulus

Burning Doves by TowardTheStars Snape/Regulus, Regulus notices Snape is pretty smart and it goes from there.

I see you in the stars by Bibliosmia0 James has 99 problems and his obsession with the quiet Slytherin is about 99 of them

In the Bleak December by tenrousei_kuroi Blackcest, Sirius refuses to get married so Walnut and Onion decide to wed Regulus instead... Sirius comes to the rescue also Sirius/Regulus get kinda married via potion

my sweet boy (i close my eyes) by PsychiatristGirl - Blackcest, Orion/child Regulus (there’s continuation that’s just. Omg even more fucked up but also you can’t look away. I’d say train wreck but with emphasis on the tragedy)

Soundless by dalula for Ticigi Blackcest, Orion/teen Regulus but like. consensual.

As Soon As He Can by Trex_patronus ghost Regulus goes Horcrux hunting with the Marauders and friends! We love Frank ♥ Also excited REgulus is the cutest

We're older now, the light is dim by Winter_Oswin Lily sees her baby mistreated from behind the Veil and NOT ON HER WATCH. With James’ support and Regulus’ knowledge of souls the three brave toasters fight their way back to the land of living, taking names, kicking ass, and most importantly letting little Harry know he’s loved ♥

Turned Tides by rsbarelle Regulus runs off to the Potters with Sirius. It doesn’t fix all their issues...

Black Skies by danpuff Regulus wants Sirius to love him buttt finds love with Snape instead... it’s still complicated tho. Blackcest but the focus is on Severus/Regulus

A Not So Subtle Attraction by acydpop dude has a crush on his older brother and doesn’t realise until they kiss. also Blackcest. I found the Blackcest Fest 2022 okay

snipers solve 99% of all problems by silentwalrus not a Regulus fic but holkahkfhl FULL METAL ALCHEMIST HARRY POTTER CROSSOVER I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED maaaan makes me want to re-watch fma.

#this doesn't look like much for 2 weeks #but i read a lot of drarry #and some marvel too #regulus black #fic rec

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munchflix · 2 years

Text

MUNCHFLIX - LADY IN THE WATER

IMDB BLURB: Apartment building superintendent Cleveland Heep rescues what he thinks is a young woman from the pool he maintains. When he discovers that she is actually a character from a bedtime story who is trying to make the journey back to her home, he works with his tenants to protect his new friend from the creatures that are determined to keep her in our world.

WARNINGS: M. Night Shyamalan tries to act, minor injuries, racial stereotypes, a lot of a woman being mostly naked

RATING: 2 scrunts and a moist scringo

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this.

Munch: *heavy sigh* I hate this movie so so deeply. With an ass clenching passion. I hate this movie like I love girl scout cookies. I don't understand how they took such an amazing cast and turned it into this complete ass disaster of a film.

Biscuits: I've never seen this, so I don't know. Oh my god Larry (our skeleton) scared the shit out of me! Munch can't have alchohol but I'm having alcohol!

M: So the movie opens with some bullshitty shit mythology that Night pulled straight out of his asshole. It's not cohesive, it makes no sense and it doesn't even really set up a base for this absurdity.

B: This is like the opening of watership down but sort of vaguely aboriginal australian looking. Maybe it's just supposed to be generic ancient looking. Ah yes, wolves, the natural enemy of water sprites.

In the beginning, the great Frith created the world...

M: The mythology doesn't even make sense in the current era of things. Being the early 2000's in the movie. So here we are with Mr....Heep. Everything is named so stupidly. He's a plumber or a landlord or something and he's murdering a rat or something while the tenants scream ten times. I can't tell if this is supposed to be funny or not.

B: My brother with a spider in the bathroom. "It was small and bad!"

M: we are introduced to a number of colorful and not at all racist characters.

B: Is this racist?? It feels racist, like they told her to sound more asian. Speak in broken english. Isn't Night Indian??

M: Yeah.

B: Come on! Asian on asian racism!

M: and here's Reggie. My boy deserved better. Reggie has one huge arm. For reasons that are never really explained. He works out only on one side of his body. Because...

B: Good to see the Charger from Left 4 Dead 2 is keeping busy.

M: And a crew of random smokers who will become strangely relevant even tho they're never given names. And some film critic dude.

B: Damn is that my room? I feel called out. They hired me to be a local film critic for tumblr! I'm very smart and all my criticisms are right! I guess there's a war going on?

M: You remember the great war of...2006? So Mr. Heep is out by the pool and a naked chick just stole his keys. She is not human. She is....a narf. No that's really what she's called. He goes in after her because he thinks she drowned or some shit and sloshes around sadly and gets out.

B: And falls back in? They made it look very convincing. He wakes up and the floor is wet, been there. There's a WOMAN. Staring creepily at him.

M: But she had enough sense to get dressed and she speaks English. She asks him if he feels an awakening, which isn't at all weird.

B: This movie is weird. The woman's name is Story. It's like a metaphor or something.

M: It's pretentious bullshit!

B: Take a clue, Lady, he's not interested in your magical vision quest and you can get the fuck out of this apartment. She’s not a kid! that's a grown ass woman! Why did you mention her being a ‘kid’ and then have all this weird almost sexual implication with her and be all weird touchy feely? You couldn't put pants on the supposed child??

M: Man wakes to weird lady in his apartment, just rolls with it.

B: Probably assumes she's just another crackhead.

M: And now the grass wolf. Which is after Story for reasons. So they run back inside, was he just gonna throw her in the pool again?? He tries to describe the grass wolf to a pest control dude but he just sounds bonkers. Which anyone would because there's a crackhead pool lady and a grass wolf and this dude is just trying to maintain these apartments. Story discovers his shower. Mr. Heep wants information on the narf which he isn’t getting because they were made up for this movie.

B: He has the least convincing stutter ever.

M: He goes to the racist caricature lady's racist caricature mom who tell him about the narf which is like a sea nymph.

B: I like how she's translating before her mom even stops talking.

M: More alchohol?? You're gonna pass out before this is over.

B: I'm just...bringing it out here. In case I want more. She'll bring a great eagle? but why??

M: THE CHILD IN YOUR APARTMENT IS NAKED, HEEP. He's trying to solve this...mystery? Story is looking for someone? But we know absolutely nothing else.

B: But he's just staring at the naked child. this is so icky, I don't like it. Maybe if they hadn't emphasized how young she was? Maybe don't have her have this weird almost romantic tension with an old guy?

M: So Mr Heep has to go around his weird apartment complex and try to find this magical person by interviewing the very colorful tenants. Like old butterfly lady, weird writer guy, one arm buff dude, overly attentive small child and wordsmith dad, room full of smoking dudes, and the worst part is that this cast of weirdos has the propensity to be so amazing and intense and make a just off the wall madcap story but alas....

B: Damn I remember when my dad told me not to put my clothes in the garbage disposal.

M: Your dad wouldn't do that.

B: My dad would put his clothes in the garbage disposal. Why is this character so racist? You know she can talk just fine, why is she referring to herself in third person?? It has to be exotic I guess? Some ethnic woman needs to impart the mythical story. Meanwhile Story is getting into stuff, and still not wearing pants.

M: and introducing M. Night in his own movie! So cool! So not self aggrandizing! So not narcissistic! He's a writer! Who doesn't do laundry.

B: m. night's self insert oc.

M: This is the worst part, is that this character becomes the super important linchpin of this whole dumb story.

B: Okay Story....that's a good way to get exposition out, just have a character say it AT you. Just tell Mr. Heep exactly what the plot is.

M: Mr Heep thinks he's solved the mystery but since the movie is not over, he hasn't. He brings Night in to talk to Story because apparently he's the mystical writer dude except he just gets anxiety and leaves. This dialogue is so weird.

B: Just sounds like Mr Heep is inviting him for a threesome. Mr Heep is just gonna keep his pet woman around. He's like Tom Bombadil, just keeping some random elf woman in his place. Also not being really relevant to anything.

M: He can't let Story go back in the apartments pool because there's a grass wolf and rules. Thank you for letting me wear your beautiful shirt.

B: He couldn't let her wear any of his beautiful pants tho. I just don't get why she has to be mostly naked all the time in this context?? I don't understand it. So I guess she just went back to live in the pool?? Okay? Something happened, she's upset and she's been scratched.

M: Grass wolf in slow mo! It's not safe! She gon' die now because grass wolf scritches are deadly to...narfs. So they brought her to M. Night's place. Like you do. His sister assumes Mr. Heep is banging her.

B: Who wouldn’t?! He's actually been respectful though. I wish I could look at a naked woman and just start writing again, is that what I'm missing?

M: It works for me. Now we gotta consult the stereotypes for more lore.

B: Scrunt?? (laughs) Scrunt.

Scrunt.

M: Yeah that's the grass wolf. They gotta find a way to stop it so she can run the 12 feet to the pool and be safe again.

B: Okay the lore gets thicker.....now's there's tartutics??

M: And rogue scrunts.

B: Is this supposed to be an allegory for Mr. Heep gradually writing the story himself? Mr Heep swum to a skyrim temple full of random garbage in his pool. Every pool has one. He's gotta find...something. Why is there an air bubble in the cup? The set design is atrocious. He can also hold his breath for a shocking amount of time.

M: They always can in movies.

B: He's found secret air bubbles stashed there just for him? And a butter knife to get this ancient stone door open. He just exhaled a ton so my man is suffocating right now.

M: Nah he's fine and he found the secret thing. this racist exposition shit is so tiring. Now they want Mr Heep to pretend to be a kid to unlock the super secret lore even though he just learned most of it from the asian caricature chick.

B: I guess I assumed because her name is Story it was a metaphor for a story? If I wrote a metaphor about writing it would be like a fucking brain parasite like Venom or some shit that takes over your brain and makes you write about sex rabies. I wouldn't write about SCRUNTS.

M: That's oddly specific. More weirdly inappropriate almost romance between Story and Mr. Heep. She could have told him all this from the get go.

B: No we needed like three scenes of him just getting expositioned all over.

M: God I hate this movie. I hate M. Night's acting and his self important self insert fucking wannabe important fucking bullshit. He'll become a great leader and you'll save the WHOLE WORLD, BIG BOY AND EVERYONE WILL LOVE YOU!

B: The man who read your book will grow up to be Donald Trump.

M: And now Mr. Heep is back with asian gramma who is gonna tell him the rest of this super secret fucking wtf ever story about shit nobody's ever heard of but is apparently huge in her culture.

B: Asian mom's face right there is my mood for this whole movie. Oh Story’s not allowed to talk about her world but we don't know why.

M: I love how everyone else in the apartment complex just goes along with all of this. Like oh sure fine, she's a narf and there's a grass wolf and no big deal. So now there's a whole bunch of people we gotta find. Symbolist, guardian, guild, and a healer. And honestly this shit is so obvious and why would all these people only live in this apartment complex??

B: They've been drawn there...you know...by the universe....

M: These are so obvious, it's not the dad. It's his kid. The smokers. The butterfly lady, and now we're getting fucking meta by talking to the critic dude

B: I really hate it when most things get meta, it's super self referential and it's hard to do right and it's almost never good. Oh whatever, this is dumb. We've got everyone gathered together now to look at the naked woman in the shower while crossword dad tries to solve this shit.

M: Story stares blankly at everyone while they plan a party around a sense of smell. But the eagle won't show up to take her back or whatever.

B: We didn't have the budget to animate the giant eagle so it's not gonna show up for us. Also that's now how a sense of smell works. That guy kinda looks like Griffin McElroy.

M: He does! How does one practice on a scrunt?

B: First...gently spread the legs apart and then uh...just get in that scrunt.

M: The lore is getting so intense, you gotta walk backwards towards the scrunt and say magic words.

B: I like how she can't talk about her world but suddenly she can because she can tell him how to fight the scrunt?? And she's getting VERY detailed. What are the rules?? Why is now a JG scrunt??

M: Mr. Heep is dead! No he's fine. The film critic dude is here now.

B: He just watched the Notebook and had the same review I did. Overrated as hell.

M: You've seen The Notebook?

B: No. Where's the justice? Where have all the good men gone? And where are all the gods? Where's the streeeetwise-

M: NO you are not singing the entire song.

B: I'm trying to entertain myself. This movie's pretty bad. Oh Mr Heep's family was murdered? That's kind of an important plot point!

M: M. Night is still milking this poor naked woman for every inch.

B: Don't use the world milking. Obviously you must think you're special, you gave yourself a starring role in your movie. What the fuck did he write that was so impressive they're gonna kill him over it?! He's M. Night Shyamalan. The Communist Manifesto? I like how Story has no agency in this story either, she's just an object. He could have found a magic orb or the amulet of Gringledoof and it wouldn't have changed anything.

M: She's literally a sexy lamp and it annoys me SO MUCH. She just randomly throws out exposition every now and again and then just stares at things.

B: The other narfs in narf school laughed at me! Every time I talked to the scringlebungles they threw hoopjabs at me! That's not real but it could have been. My moist scringlo left me.

M: So they went ahead with the party idea even though they figured out they got all this shit wrong?? Or maybe they think they only got part of it wrong? Also Story is dying. But it's cool because there's a giant party and they're gonna toss her in the pool where the eagle is gonna come and grab her or something?

B: this feels like it was based on a dream but not in the way that you kind of fill in the blanks to make it make sense? Like “Jimmy was the president and my dog was Keanu Reeves”. M Night's sister was using a mirror to find the scrunt. I just go out to a bar. This party stinks, there's not even any music. And the dumb guys left their post so the scrungly is gonna come.

M: Now a series of incredible coincidences and happenstance that will somehow prevent Story from getting in the pool! The music won't start! the smokers took off! The scrunt is dragging story through the grass! She's got MORE scratches! Which are lethal.

B: The scrunt is super lethal but all it can really do is leave scratch marks on your calves. Wait is the butterfly lady not the healer?

M: No she is, they got that one right. I think.

B: Wow 18 across is ‘scrunkly's fucking dead’!

M: I'm gonna...wait.....is that Jared Harris!?! I'm gonna get scrunkly and scrunt confused.

B: We gotta have the third act conflict. It's not really movie critic's fault, he didn't pick the people out. M. Night just wanted to frame the critic as the bad guy because critics are BAD and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.

M: they're still trying to find the fucking interpreter. it's the kid. What a fucking twist. He can read cereal boxes. Seven sisters?

B: There aren't even seven female characters in this movie. What is this fucking side plot about M. Night's character??! It's not really even threaded into the other plot.

M: and now suddenly we know who everyone is because the kid told us. Why is this party still going on?!? There's no music or anything and people are just hanging out this whole time?? Now there's a storm, for effect. Nothing makes any sense at this point because we've just introduced like seven new characters who were barely established earlier in the movie. For the sake of having a twist or something. Now the interpreter kid says he got it all wrong AGAIN. And mr. Heep is the healer after all I guess.

B: they could have had the butterfly land on him for like a second just to hint at this better. Larry scared me again. he doesn't like this movie either. "I think this movie is PISS!"

M: Larry sounds like Skeletor??

B: Well he's a skeleton!

M: Can we get to where something happens again?

B: Is this like an allegory for him losing his family now?? Him crying over her? I keep forgetting that's a thing. Her name is SKRUNKLY, she's just a crackhead who showed up in my pool. I didn't know the cure for death was crying. Doctors hate him.

M: Local man invents backstory, cures pool crackhead. Who is now blonde?!?

B: He found a woman in his pool, what happens next will amaze you!

M: Scrunts?! In MY vagina? It's more likely than you think!

B: And then the missing person investigation for the critic who got eaten. And they're like - there was a lady in the pool and he got eaten by a scrunt and an eagle came and they'll be like - okay time to go to a nice room with padded walls. The scrunt approaches. I just like saying scrunt.

M: So everyone is outside, it's raining, Story Scrunkle is fine now, but they gotta kill the scrunt and that's bad cgen for 2006, and Charger Reggie with the giant arm is the guardian after all of this and he paralyzes the scrunt by looking lovingly in it's eyes.

B: He casts Hold Scrunt.

M: And there's an eagle noise but he broke eye contact! But the tree guys are here, the t something justice enforcers, and they drag the scrunt off - like you do.

B: Because he broke the law? I feel like the monkey guys were utterly unnecessary. They could have just had Reggie kill it. And talon flame comes to carry Scrungly back off to her world I guess.

We only see this in the reflection bc the budget.

M: I don't understand why she came out of the pool and then had to be carried off by a giant eagle when they spent the whole movie trying to get her back in the pool.

B: No it was uh...she uh...she....no that wasn't her world, she was just staying in the pool.

M: Hotel pool.

B: The creatures were designed by someone named Crash McCreary which is pretty badass.

M: That was Jared Harris what the FUCK.

B: Second unit designer - BRICK MASON, that is not a real name. Doug Jones!

M: Well I mean...what hasn't Doug Jones been in? So anyway....this movie could have been anything. It could have been a whimsical adventure, a fun comedy, a clue style mystery, but it is absolutely none of those. It's treated far too seriously when it shouldn;t be and far too comedically when it should be serious. I hate this movie. I hate M. Night for being in this movie. I hate him for taking such a brilliant cast and making them do this movie.

B: Double tap now if you'd scrunkly the when.

M: Munch and Biscuits fucking scrunkling OUT, yo.

#lady in the water #moist scringo #humor #review #paul giamatti #bryce dallas howard #m. night shyamalan #funny #scrunt #narf #munchflower #biscuitsandhorrorslash #munchflix

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