#people have already mentioned it on the forums but i wanted to see for myself and yeah...
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also i hadn't really done a 1 to 1 comparison but. i have slightly more mixed feelings now. like. It'll be fine for me, Cala still looks mostly like Cala to me but my main issue is the lighting. I've seen from a few others' posts that there's no hair shine now? and the eye shine is much less
the overall scenery lighting in the trailer was decent but some highlights would be nice! some ambient lighting!
#people have already mentioned it on the forums but i wanted to see for myself and yeah...#also they made her top lip smaller. which is...not super noticeable at first#but it's bugging me now#ffxiv benchmark
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Who is the In-Universe Audience for Tress?
[Spoilers for Tress of the Emerald Sea!!]
This list is dedicated to the person at the DragonCon Tress panel who asked this question of the panelists and did NOT receive a good answer (or really any answer at all), in my opinion. So for you, friend, I went ahead and reread Tress and tried to collect all of the evidence about the identity of the audience that Hoid is telling the story to. Has this already been done on Reddit or other forums? Undoubtedly yes but I just wanted to see what I could discover on my own. Here are my findings!
My theory: Hoid is telling the story to a group of apprentice storytellers on the planet First of Sun. Some Rosharans are also present...or maybe just Sigzil. Allow me to explain each part of my answer!
1. Hoid is telling the story (but to an audience who also knows him as Wit)
This we know because he literally identifies himself as Hoid the cabin boy...but he also makes a couple of Wit-related puns, including:
"And with it went my sense of humor, my sense of decorum, and my sense of self. The last one stung the most, since it appears my sense of self is tied directly to my wit. I mean, it's in the name."
"Everyone can use a little more Wit in their lives."
This suggests the audience knows him both as Hoid and as Wit. More on that later!
2. The setting: First of Sun
Wherever the story is being told, it's a place with oceans made of water that have sea creatures (these things must be specified in a Cosmere setting). Hoid often alludes to the audience's familiarity with ships, including:
"Now, I know that on your planet, steering a ship isn't that big a deal."
"I know that sailors fear storms on your planet. It's common among almost all seafaring cultures I've met."
"As I've mentioned, on your planet, you may be accustomed to the helm position on the ship being relatively unimportant."
"But you come from a world where things live in the water."
That it is specifically the First of Sun is suggested by two quotes in particular:
"I can understand why you would want tales of people like Linji, who tried to sail around the world with no Aviar."
"Yes, like the speaking minds inhabiting the ships you've seen landing on your planet."
Aviars are native to First of Sun, and we learn in Sixth of the Dusk that space ships have visited that world.
3. The audience is a group of people
This actually came as a huge shock to me, as it's only revealed near the end, as far as I know. Hoid suddenly says:
"A sailing ship is a strange thing to control--I'm sure some of you know."
Some of you! Some of you?! So the audience is not a single person, but a group of people.
4. But there are also people from Roshar present...or maybe just Sigzil
Now, this may be controversial. But it seems possible that the audience also includes off-worlders, from Roshar and maybe from Scadrial as well. Certain references certainly suggest a Rosharan frame of mind:
First, there is the fact that they know him as Wit, which is Hoid's Rosharan incarnation
Second, there is this line: "Well, now that is a gemstone that truly glitters, friend." Perhaps there are big glittery gemstones on First of Sun too, but that sure seems like a Rosharan idiom.
Third, there is this line: "I assume you have no idea what a Luhel bond is....Unlike the Nahel bond, which trades in consciousness and anchoring to realty, the Luhel bond trades in physical matter." The Nahel bond is how surgebinding works on Roshar, and Hoid assumes the audience knows what that is.
It's possible that only Sigzil is present, and that Hoid keeps making asides to him, which would be pretty cute, to be honest.
5. Maybe Scadrial is represented too??
As for Scadrial, well...there's just the fact that Hoid calls himself a Worldbringer:
"Worldbringers like myself spend decades combing through folk tales, legends, myths, histories, and drunken bar songs looking for the most unique stories."
"Worldbringer" is a Scadrian term; the Rosharan equivalent would be "Worldsinger." This might not mean anything about who's present--perhaps Hoid is spreading the notion of Worldbringers to other planets like First of Sun. But I wanted to raise it as an interesting possibility.
6. The audience is comprised of apprentice storytellers
It becomes clear at the end that the people Hoid is talking to want to learn to be paid for telling stories:
"With a few tips, he wasn't so boring after all. Secretly, I'll tell you that you aren't either. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to lower your value. Don't trust them. They know they can't afford you otherwise."
This suggests that his audience want to learn to not be boring and to be paid to tell stories--so apprentices then, perhaps. Hoid also indicates that this audience knows him, and are not just a random crowd he gathered for the occasion:
"It's called the transitive property of ineptitude, and it's the explanation for anything you've seen me do wrong ever."
Hoid refers to other planets casually, suggesting an audience that wants to learn about other cultures and places, another key aspect of being a Hoid-style storyteller:
"Compared, for example, to the depth of the Lilting Abyss on Threnody, the spore seas are practically ponds."
So! That's my theory: Hoid is using the Tress tale to train a group of would-be apprentice storytellers on First of Sun, and maybe Sigzil or other Rosharans are there too.
What do you think??
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a confession?
OK so most of my recent sickfic/snz fantasies are about This One Guy who I doubt anyone else on here likes, and aspects of his character and the canon might be offputting to some people, but I'm going to take the risk and post about him and see if I can convert anyone who isn't too squicked.
Mention of canon incest below cut.
so yeah it's R/ff R/ff RH//PS.
I'm incapable of finding a bald guy sexually attractive (I say this but I know someone who used to say they liked him but found him completely unhot, and now they've been trying to convince me that he's hot after all, so it might only be a matter of time...I blame this person for getting me interested in the character AT ALL btw) but I still want snzfic of him. There's like one old one on the forum but it's incomplete and ancient and...well I'm going to have to do it myself. I know there's one fic on here for Frank and don't get me wrong that's hot but...sadly my fav is NOT the hot one in this fandom.
But at least hear me out here. He is smol and skinny and looks so ILL throughout the film. I know people see the like sunken eyes etc as sinister but I'm sorry (/not sorry) he just looks sick to me. Like he hasn't had a full meal or decent night's sleep in far too long. Which considering how Frank treats him is probably accurate.
(Speaking of which, he has lots of non-snz whump potential as well considering he gets whipped and kicked onscreen. But I'm less desperate for that content since it already exists, there's some very whumpy fic for him.)
He's an alien so I don't know if he even can catch human illnesses but even if he can't, maybe there's a Tr/nsylv/n/an illness with the same symptoms? I mean his immune system's gotta be shot at this point right. Look fuck the worldbuilding there's a grand total of 3 people in the world who bother with worldbuilding for this fandom and I am not one of them. I just want him to be even more miserable and for his long pointy nose to be all red and sniffly. His voice is so raspy already imagine how he'd sound. And he clearly doesn't own a shirt and is walking around on a cold wet night in November wearing a torn up, unfastened coat and nothing but a very thin torn and backless waistcoat under it. Half his chest is bare.
At the same time I totally understand if his canon relationship with M/genta squicks people out too much. It would completely put me off the characters if they were human but I think I've just kind of gone, they're aliens and it's normal for Tr/nsylv/n/ans so it doesn't bother me that much. My fics wouldn't be sexually explicit, I don't do that anyway, but like...I'm not going to pretend it's not a thing either, but I will TW for it... and just hope there's at least a few people in the community who don't run a mile from it and that no-one makes a callout post for me or something.
Anyway this feels like r/offmychest or something. At the same time I guess if there's any community to not be embarrassed about having weird taste in, it's this one? idk
#please don't reblog to non-kink blogs#the idea of this ending up on the dash of my one friend who writes this character is too horrifying#snzblr#snz kink#sneeze kink#sneezeblr
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Different anon, but. Look, I was already boycotting the song itself and everything from the day it was announced. But at this point, I feel this really weird uneasy feeling that I can only describe as: I'm not sure if I want to be a STAY anymore.
With things going the BTS Americanization Route (with extra Zionism), it just feels so starkly different from the SKZ and 3Racha that I admired originally. Not that changing music style is bad itself (they changed quite a bit from the start of 2020 to 2023). But it feels less like a change made from growth, and more like getting stripped of what made their whole thing appealing originally.
And I see it with parts of the fandom too. Yes, there's still some nice fans. But now we have a bunch that are so focused on streamings and chart ratings and big numbers, rather than if they actually like the music.
I miss when most Stays would joke about how their view counts were all ''organic''. Now they're raising money to get collab songs on the charts. I miss when most Stays were proud multistans, and their v-live fan forum would regularly be sprinkled with posts about Ateez or TXT or Day6, or even Limesoda.
And the weird thing is: I told myself back in the late 2010s that I wouldn't get caught up too much in the celebrity fandom thing. That I wouldn't put SKZ on a pedestal, so that I wouldn't get disappointed if things went south somehow. But now, I subconsciously hesitate to listen to even their other songs, even if it's through unofficial or pirating means. And I feel like I'm over-reacting, and it's frustrating.
Sorry for the rant. I just feel like I need a second opinion on this.
i think this is honestly a valid reaction and feeling this way is valid too because even i feel this way about kpop in general and kpop groups like even before all of these boycotts started to unfold i was just SO jaded with this "community" if we can even call it that. the way some people are behaving lately towards this boycott is unveiling the fact that some people just care about streaming and buying and that's it! that's their whole purpose as a fan and then also shun people that don't wanna do it and for what reason? also, the fact that i've seen so much racism come to light with this! people getting harassed for wanting to stand for something and being pro palestinian, palestinian fans getting harassed for calling shit out because yes their feelings are super valid and especially when the group they stan is saying nothing and the company they are under is employing zionists, they can feel betrayed like idgaf about what people say! even before this when fans would call out idols for being ignorant these fans would be racist to these fans for being hurt like?? what is this culture we are creating in these spaces is what i am asking?? i knew it was like that even before all of this but lately it's like i am getting hit with realizations left and right it's so insane how some people are acting. whether some people like it or not, we are allowed to feel disappointed and criticize them. even i feel stupid for these types of things bc it's like you mentioned we should know better and yet we put these people on pedestals and for what? it's all very valid concerns to have especially this time around! so many companies want groups to be international but then dgaf about international fans' opinion and they never did to begin with how do expect people to want to stan these groups when they do disrespectful shit and you pretend we don't exist unless we give you money
#this reply is all over the place#but anon this is very valid#even tho i gave people resources to like these groups songs and etc#i have barely listen to kpop songs lately myself#it just feels odd and understand you completely#a lot of things happening are very eye opening and it's#sad that it got to this point tbh#asks#anon
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TW: MENTIONS OF SA; GROOMING. PLEASE SCROLL IF THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.
I wanted to share my takes on the Pod Meets World ep and the new Quiet on Set documentary that is out. This is going to be a long-winded blog post. I'll put a keep reading divider up so that no one will be bombarded while scrolling through their dash. I'd like to have a civil, adult conversation about this so if you decide to join in, please keep it mature.
In light of recent events with the whole Pod Meets World episode and the Quiet on the Set documentary coming out, it really opened my eyes more. I think a lot of fans have parasocial relationships with these stars, holding them on a pedestal, and forgetting that they are still real human beings who are prone to doing shitty human things. This is a reminder for me too. This is something I definitely need to break out of. And I'm mentioning this because it really did hurt to hear Drake Bell's story and how he really didn't get an apology. If what he said was true about Will and Rider only coming out with their episode after being notified about the documentary, then they deserve all the heat that they get. At first, I commended them for telling their stories on that creep Brian Peck and discussing their feelings during the court case. But now it seems disingenuous. I haven't gotten to watch the documentary aside from tidbits because I don't have a streaming service that I could watch it on, unless it comes on cable. And I haven't gotten to see the full Pod Meets World episode apart from the clips of Will talking so I plan on catching up and educating myself as much as I can. The guys apparently weren't told what was going on in the case and were blindsided by this. In no way am I doubting that they were groomed as well. But Drake mentioned that they were told everything by Peck before they wrote the letters and still decided to write them. That's insane in itself. As a CSA survivor and someone who was groomed and sexually harassed by an older "friend", it was disheartening to hear that my favorite actors were pretty much complicit and trying to save themselves when they realized their dirty work was being unsealed. And I didn't want to believe it when I read more on the info last night but it served me a reminder that these were real people outside of the characters. Obviously I know that, but Boy Meets World is one of my comfort shows and obsessions so it hurt to hear that. Although I enjoy the characters, I have to keep reminding myself not to get attached to the actors and actresses who play them. I brought the parasocial relationship thing up because that's what it felt like was radiating from the BMW reddit forum as well. Some of the people there were up in arms to defend them, saying "It was a different time period. They were told that Drake was coming on to Peck." DOES THAT NOT SOUND INSANE?? I’m pretty sure that they were told Drake was underaged, I can't remember too much from the podcast clips. If they knew, how did they not question it more before coming to court and writing the letters?? Not to mention that other people were reached out to write a letter for Brian and many declined. Were they already told about the case?? Were they only given small details just like Will and Rider?? My guess is that they already sensed how weird Peck was and got a bad feeling from his request. I would've thought that Will and Rider would have more common sense in something like this. But again, I don't know these people personally. None of their fans do.
And I will repeat once again, I'm not invalidating the guys' experience with Peck either. I wouldn't put it past Hollywood that the cast of BMW were all groomed and violated when they were younger too. The adults could've even been violated just as easily as well. From the clips that I've seen of Will talking about Peck, he seemed very genuine and remorseful. I’m sure that they were regretful. It's just that after hearing what Drake said about them not apologizing and them making the episode after the doc announcement, it feels off. Will admitted that he would like to apologize to Drake personally and Drake apparently isn't interested in an apology. Who can blame him? Would I accept an apology from anyone who stood up for my abuser? I don't think so. And Will had time to reach out to Drake before. Was it embarrassment that stopped him? And Brian could’ve very well lied to them. My own groomer is still walking around lying and gaining support from others.
The best research I could do was from forums, comment sections, and small clips, so please bear with me. I will educate myself more on the matter. But I felt the pain of every child actor that was affected because it reminded me of my own experiences and I'm upset with this new knowledge. We, of course, know what Drake was convicted of. I'm not mentioning that to take away from his trauma nor side with what he's done. But I've seen some people bring up this point at the mention of his experience with Brian Peck, invalidating him being sexually assaulted by this man. Firstly, I think that's absurd. We can still feel sympathy for Drake even if he isn't a good person.
The fact that Dan Schneider and Brian Peck are able to walk free TO THIS FUCKING DAY MAKES ME SICK!!! How the fuck was Peck only given 16 months in jail?????? They would've both been a bag of fucking bones by now underneath the cement of the jail if they hurt my kid. My next question is, what do we do about the child stars who are apart of these companies now? The ones who are still getting deals with Disney and Nickelodeon?? Just because Schneider and Peck were called out doesn't mean that ALL of the pedos under these companies are gone. All of the children affected deserve justice.
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today's hp fandom excavation fun: the hp_essays livejournal comm
1) When will the fandom end? posted by (ljuser)vegetasbubble on 07 December 2007
As much as we (any of us) hate to admit it, the Harry Potter fandom will one day (hopefully not one day soon) come to an end. Authors will write thier last ever fanfiction, draw thier last ever fanart, and put down the pencil and say "Thats it." Its a stage of life that no one, (I am one of those people), wants to see. The end of a generation, so to speak.
i was especially amused by this given the recent stats by destinationtoast that had HP as THE fastest growing fandom (and second largest to MCU overall) on AO3 in 2022.
anyway, virtually all the comments disagreed, pointing out the longevity of many many many other literary and movie/TV fandoms.
interestingly, though, i don't think i saw much note of how specifically groundbreaking HP was. aside from this:
Aside from the complete falsity of this claim, I'd rather pursue a new line of thought. In the past few years we seen the HP fanfiction exponentially grow being one of the hugest on general fanfiction websites, spawning huge websites in general for one specific IP and even within the fanfictiondom having different sub-sections, (such as slash, a particular ship or adult) of fanfiction having moderately large collections of works on their own. This is basically a testatment to HP being on of the biggest franchises of this generation to be able to generate such an incredible amount fandom, not to mention an almost serendipitously bring together the forces capitalism, luck, forture, marketing, publishing and talent to make it such a huge hit.
The question I pose is to what degree will this fandom die down if at all? Obviously some people will hand up their brushes, mice and pens to abandon contributions to the monster than is HP fandom; but just as the longevity of slash Star Trek fics and LOTR fan art; to what extent will HP fandom survive? Does the content of being a youth fantasy or children's coming of age story have a bearing on how long it will last, when it will last and how slowly (or quickly) the fandom will die down?
this observation on the cyclical nature of fandom was fascinating too:
Hah. I used to ask myself the same question the first time that I was in a fandom. (Tolkien´s Silmarillion) People were writing everything off and exhausting all the good ideas by doing them over and over. Eventually, the people I knew grew tired, and I grew tired too, so most of us left.
Years later, however, I suddenly had an impulse to go back and write some more… and guess what I found. New people had taken the place of the old, and the old fic ideas, the old controversies were coming up again as if they were new. Because for those people, they were new. They had not been there back when we wrote and discussed, and most of them had none or little knowledge of what had been done.
Fandom repeats itself just like history, because new generations come, and they do not know what has been done before. And, as is the case with history, research about the past is a minoritary hobby. Do you read all the posts in a forum when you join? Or the mails in a mailing list that has been going for seven years? Well, it´s the same with the people who suddenly read Harry Potter and decide that they like it… they will start from zero, and probably read some classics that a friend reccomends to them, but they will not spend their first fannish months reading everything that has been already done, yelled, discussed, squeed and kept saved in Potter sites years before. They will spend them writing feverishly, noticing things, squeeing, yelling and discussing on their own- just as the others once did.
other Very Good essays:
2) Participatory Interpretation; Or, How Fanon Showed Me My Canon by gjules, posted 10 Sep 2004
Partly because of the size and complexity of its universe and partly because of its large and varied cast, the Harry Potter fandom has one of the widest spreads of potential interpretation… So how are we to take the author's intentions into this? As interesting as auctorial intent is in extra-textual interpretation, it still can be misleading. Authors are aware of their creation on many levels, and not all of those levels are consciously accessible. That's one of the strengths of the beta reader: they're not telling you what to do-- they're telling you what you've done.
For me, for example, rereading the books after finding HG/SS was an exercise in reinterpretation. Incorrect reinterpretation, reinterpretation informed and created by my hopeless enjoyment of Sevmione, I have no doubt, at least in light of the probability of that particular OTP occurring in future canon-- but still an interesting perspective on a given text which I might otherwise never have considered.
Naturally, this leads to accusations of fanon muddying the waters of the original canon, making things confusing, blinding the fanfic reader and writer to what's really going on. I don't buy this. I would argue that instead, the reader who takes diverse perspectives from fanfic back to the original canon is instead more likely to see all of the possibilities, is less likely to be blinded by the initial assumptions anyone draws when encountering a text.
I've found that reading fanfiction often shows me the assumptions I've unconsciously held about canon. In my view of canon, Snape is more often the tormented hero, and Harry often closer to being in the wrong-- but the different views I have read of fanon Snape show me the other ways other readers see him.
This discussion eventually leads to a disturbing question, however: can all views of canon be considered equally privileged?
a response:
Short answer: no. Why? Because not all views of canon can be equally supported. If your view of canon can be demonstrably shown to contradict something like a significant point of the text, it is weakened. If you have an analysis of canon that fails to account for some major features of the text, or is contradicted by them, it is less priviledged than an analysis which is able to comphrend more things. The completeness criterion is one that I've found is applied across a lot of topics of analysis, from literature to hard-core music theory (yep, there is such a thing).
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3) a lovely (if slightly ranty!) tonks character study meta:
The Deconstruction of a Miss Nymphadora Tonks by theregoesyamum on 09 Apr 2006:
1. She's direct.
2. She's intelligent.
3. She has a sense of humour.
4. She hasn't got a rotten bone in her body.
5. She's irreverent and unconventional.
6. She's a Black by blood, if not by name.
go read it in full! keeping in mind the fandom post-HBP was full of massive tonks-related wank (alluded to in the (mostly good! worth reading!) discussion here).
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4) i'm sad this post (Fanfiction Writing Style and Stylistic Trends by ignipes, posted 04 September 2005) doesn't seem to exist on the internet anymore (yes, i did try wayback machine)
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5) no shortage of peter pettigrew meta -- though a lot of these were written pre-DH, some even pre-OOTP and pre-HBP. interesting reads, but none i felt were especially notable.
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Leincooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Hope you are doing fantastic and that 2024 has been treating you well ♥️
I'm on an asking tour atm of my fav IFs and my fav authors. And I'm putting you all on the spot into a romantic hypothetical relationship!
If you HAD to choose a RO/ side character to romance and be in a serious commited relationship with. Who would you choose and why??? 👀
And not just that they are hot, I'd imagine all your ROs are wonderfully attractive and lovable already.
Firstly, thank you for saying you consider me one of your favourite authors, you have no idea how much that means to me, especially since I rarely see my IF talked about (and I regularly check Tumblr, reddit, and the CoG forums.) I would normally put in a few self-deprecating words here out of habit but I know you well enough at this point to know you'll be having none of it.
As for your question though, I would first pick Kit, since any look at my profile will reveal I have a... thing for fox people. But that's based purely on my own imagined appearances. Personality wise, I think it would be a tie between Midori and Kit. They both have that kind of personality that can take a sledgehammer to the walls that a closed-off person like me would put up. And I shall be honest, I found myself feeling... odd... when writing Midori's scenes in the upcoming update. I genuinely can't wait to be done with it so I can upload it, as I hope everyone will like Midori as much as I do.
But, I can't not mention this. While Midori or Kit would be my choice for a romantic partner, I feel a particularly strong connection with Kokona. They say an author will write pieces of themselves into their characters, and this is especially true with Kokona. There was a time I remember thinking that I had somehow just made a younger version of myself as a cameo. But, going back to the question, I can't help but feel like I want Kokona as a little sister or to adopt her. (It got to the point where I made a private bot on character AI to roleplay this.)
So yeah, that may be slightly embarrassing, but that's my thoughts. Hope you've had a good start to 2024 as well!
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So I'm opening up commissions
Contact: preferably email me at [email protected] (but my DMS here and on Instagram are open)
Please mention comissions in the subject of the email.
Sketches:
Doodle - $5
Small piece - $7
Medium piece - $10
Big piece - >$15 (negotiable size)
Watercolours:
Doodle: - $35 (~ half of A5)
Small piece - $45 ( ~ half of A5)
Medium piece - $65 (~A5-A4)
Big piece - >$90 (negotiable size)
Gouache:
Doodle: - $45 (~ half of A5)
Small piece - $55 ( ~ half of A5)
Medium piece - $75 (~A5-A4)
Big piece - >$100 (negotiable size)
What I won't draw:
Nsfw of real people (unless the people involved give explicit permission)
Ships including real people (unless the people involved give explicit permission)
Noncon (depends on the context)
Animal abuse/harm, meat imagery
Anything suggestive/explicit regarding minor(s)
Ships with big age differences where one person is very young (see 9yo and 15yo, or 18yo and 30yo)
Incest
Terms of service:
General terms of service:
The prices listed above are all in the context of pictures of art. In case you want the physical piece, I need to be notified before starting the commission. The price of shipping will also be added to the final price, after all the add-ons (such as 25% for another character).
All drawings may or will include a subtle signature that you may not remove or change.
Prices are subject to change based on demand.
I have the right to reject any order that I do not feel comfortable drawing for any reason.
“Extra Detail” will be evaluated based on the amount of additional, complext objects, and doesn’t inherently concern the character’s design (unless the design is overtly complex)
“Detailed bg” referrs to a background that portrays a full scene, and/or includes complex patterns.
Unless the piece is of a private person, I am free to post the final drawing to my social media. (I'll still probably ask you if you mind, but just as a disclaimer)
After the exchange is fully realised, which means I've received the previously agreed upon amount of money and you receive the piece, you are free to use it for whatever purpose you may want (such as putting it up in your home, getting it tattooed, using it in some kind of video, etc), but if you share it, be it privately, or on a public forum, I must still be credited as the original artist. That means being explicitly mentioned by name, and/or providing a link to my pages, both in a way that's visible and clear to an outside person.
Payment:
The full amount is to be paid through PayPal.
Commissions can be paid either 100% upfront or split 50% upfront and 50% after sketch approval, depending on what's been privately agreed upon.
Don't send me any payment before I have agreed to give you a slot and requested you to send me the payment.
If for some reason I'm forced to cancel the commission after not fully finishing it, I'm entitled to receive payment for the work I've already done (for example if the piece was meant to be in watercolours, but I've already finished the sketch, I'm entitled to receive the payment for a full sketch)
Upfront payment is non-refundable (once I start the commission) unless I myself cancel the commission.
I am not responsible for your, or PayPal's mistakes in the process of payment. If the mistake is on your side (such as sending the money to the wrong person, despite being provided the right link), that unfortunately will not count as payment, and I will still need the money to be sent to me. Cases of issues with PayPal will be handled individually.
If after being informed of the price you voluntarily pay a greater amount, that will be seen as a tip (which is greatly appreciated), and will be nonrefundable. That is due to payments having to go through currency exchange, which takes a cut of the money, but any sincere, immediately noticed mistakes will be handled individually.
I always make sure that I know exactly what you want out of the commission, before any payment occurs, just in case we find out that I cannot provide the service you want after all. If you send me money before I explicitly tell you to, it will be seen as a nonrefundable donation by default. Such donation will not equate to me having to do the commission. This disclaimer is of course only meant to protect me just in case, and in most situations I will treat premature payment as normal payment, and proceed with the commission.
Process:
I will notify you when I have started on your commission and you, therefore, lose the rights to a refund
At any point of the process you can contact me to have a civil discussion about details of the order - I'm human too! Just be nice and understanding and I'm sure we can find a compromise, whatever it is.
While I'm working on your commission I will make reviews with you to make sure I make it just right for you!
The amount of reviews depends on the complexity of the work.
During the reviews, you will see work-in-progress and these images will be of lower quality than the final piece.
The time it takes to finish your commission varies 1 week - 3 months (or more in bigger pieces) depending on factors such as the complexity of the commissioned piece and the workload in my personal life.
If anything comes up that will slow the progress of the initially estimated delivery time I will let you know asap.
Once the piece is finished you will receive a picture or several of the final piece in good quality.
If you want to receive the physical piece I will notify you when I send it and provide pictures.
I am not responsible for what happens to the piece when in shipment.
#commissions#art commissions#commission#art#watercolours#watercolors#gouache#sketch#sketches#tnt duo#tntduo#dsmp#dreamsmp#fernless bastard#support art#important#dream smp#quackbur#tntblr#mcyt#dsmp fanart#open commissions#open#commissions open
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Another Month, Another Sunset
Well I did say I would return to the subject of shows I’ve watched ending since Mario Kart 8 dropped back in 2014, so this is the continuation of that dropped point.
I have watched television animation for as long as I have conscious memories. I grew up with it. I define the stretches of my life based on the big show I watched during each of them: Rugrats, Hey Arnold, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly OddParents, Danny Phantom, The Mighty B!, Gravity Falls, Steven Universe. I was mostly a Nickelodeon kid as you can see, because that was largely the only channel we had around here when I was growing up.
I’ve dabbled in many other shows that aired at the same time as these, but there was always the one I focused on. But each of these shows either ended, whether by its own accord or not, or frankly went to pot and I jumped ship. It was the time when things were stewing in the latter show in 2018 when I decided maybe I’d have my fun elsewhere.
There were several months when I didn’t latch onto any show out of lack of interest, I might say. I watched some but I wouldn’t say I engaged with them.
That all changed in October 2018, when, at the suggestion of someone I used to know along with a forum I frequented, I checked out Hilda on Netflix. I’d never read the comic it was based on, nor did I have much experience with a show designed for streaming.
But despite all that, I loved it. It felt like a rejuvenation into a medium I’d followed since youth. It opened my eyes to the potential of a series made for an online service.
Perhaps as a way to fill in a void left by season one ending, I decided to see what else I’d missed in my admittedly narrow-minded viewing. This led to my current favorite (remaining) show, Big City Greens.
My slate grew to those two. And then there was She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Carmen Sandiego, Amphibia, Victor and Valentino, Infinity Train, It’s Pony, The Owl House, Glitch Techs, Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, The Midnight Gospel, Kid Cosmic, Centaurworld, City of Ghosts, Invincible, The Ghost and Molly McGee, Inside Job, Arcane, Tear Along the Dotted Line, Maya and the Three, Dead End: Paranormal Park, Hamster and Gretel, Bee and Puppycat, Pantheon, Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, Kiff, Hailey’s On It!, and a couple others I’ve checked out some clips of.
Granted, I like some of these shows more than others. I wouldn’t call any of these perfect because with enough time I can find things in each of them that irk me. But I certainly feel I have a stronger awareness of shows that have aired in the past five years than I have for the rest of my life. Gaining a lot more online awareness probably also helps in that regard. I feel like I’m learning more about myself as an artistic person and writer by thinking about these and wanting to write about them.
With the end of Hilda, I feel it also marks the end of an era. Nearly every show I mentioned above has ended, whether by its own terms or not. Some have questionable conclusions, some were cut short, and a handful are ongoing or even just begun. But 2024 will mark the first year in some time where the big show that got me to get further into animation watching will not be on the horizon.
Now, I don’t think Hilda is going away forever. We’ve likely all seen Luke Pearson is already writing a prequel comic. There are more supplemental and side books being released faster than I can keep track of. Most of the shows I mentioned that have ended are still with us in a bevy of ways. With some networks looking for the next big hit they feel content to keep on reminding people about the stuff they already love to keep them engaged. For instance, for all their corporate shenanigans, Disney is doing a good job at keeping people aware of Amphibia.
I think the process of shows going away has been made easier by maintaining a broader range of shows to watch. Even with Hilda finished, I have the remaining episodes of Big City Greens along with the shows that just premiered and have more episodes on the way. Then there are all the upcoming shows that could grab my attention in the ways many of the previously mentioned have.
It does feel bittersweet, knowing we’ve all watched this show and came together for it and may be left wondering where we go now. I regret not engaging with you all more in the past, but who’s to say that can’t change now? At the end of the day, a show like this and many others extend far beyond what’s on the screen.
We’re all here to celebrate a show that we enjoy and that inspires us to create, to tell stories, to meet new people, to reflect on who we are and where we can take ourselves. Looking back, I have mixed feelings on the last season of Danny Phantom, but it was the first show where I talked with folks online about it and looked at fanart and read stories, and it is in this way that I met some of my oldest friends. Some of the most genuine, wonderful people I’ve known for over 15 years. That’s the beauty of an artistic creation like this or any other show.
Looking at the upcoming slate of shows and seeing just a bunch of stuff I don’t recognize does add to the hesitation. It’s easy to think that nothing new could live up and this empty feeling will persist. The strongest sense of “emptiness” I felt recently was when Amphibia ended, but this one is also up there because of what its end brings with it. But looking ahead, who’s to say we won’t all find a show that will enrapture our senses and inspire us the way our past favorites did?
I certainly didn’t think I could move on from Danny Phantom or Gravity Falls or Amphibia at those moments. But with some time, I’ve been able to keep moving forward and find new things that inspired me in all new ways. It may take time, but I think many of us will do the same here.
I’m sure I’ll keep reading the stories, and seeing the fanart, and thinking of my own ideas of stuff to share. To paraphrase Star Trek II, it’s not really gone so long as we remember it.
Here’s to the future, y’all. Cheers.
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likely the final response from larrie anon
Hi,
Larrie anon one last time. I won't go into Larry again, you are right... we are not going to agree on anything there.
Look, I knew going into this that you weren’t going to agree with me, because you’re a conspiracy theorist and I’m not and this isn’t my first rodeo, as we say in Texas. However, I do have to admit that I’m surprised at the extent to which you were able to actively ignore every time I said that your behavior is harmful even within the belief constraints of your conspiracy theory. You truly have placed your own feelings above those that you claim to support. Wild.
I did want to reply on the matter of antisemitism. Ofcourse there's a reason there are not many Jewish people around. And I concede that I put that comment about not having Jewish friends by coincidence without thought. And I will take your comment with me. I don't think me being ignorant makes me antisemist though. Dutch children are absolutely being tought about the tragedies of Ww2. Anne Franks Diary is on my shelf. We commemorate the deaths every year and, speaking for my own education, we went on excursions to a transportationcamps often. My grandparents were alive during ww2. My grandmothers family had Jewish people hide at their farm, my grandfather lost his dad in the army... he cannot speak of certain things. So I am aware of the tragedies and I believe most of my fellow Dutchies are. I do not feel responsible for what my government did during the war. I was not born yet.
Okay, but you still have no Jewish friends or acquaintances.
And FYI, when informed of the underlying antisemitic tropes of what you call your “beliefs,” you dismissed them! Go back to your messages here and see that you just claim you AREN’T antisemitic even though you still have these beliefs. Again, WILD. Maybe if you had a Jewish friend you wouldn't be so quick to say your beliefs don't engage in antisemitism.
I think we live in very different countries politics-wise. Although the Netherlands are far from perfect we do seem to be a bit more stable then US right now. We are not divided in Democrats vs Republicans, we have sixteen parties to choose from when voting, I think that makes our society less likely to stand directly across from each other. We do talk politics amongs each other, but it does not define who we are friends with. We do look at the US situation with fear of the possibility of it happening to us too though.
In 2021 you actually had 37 parties to choose from, but whatever. (I’m just an ignorant American, right?) Your country has fascism problems currently, and a not-insignificant problem with conspiracy theorists in office. Look down on America all you want, but the most effective QAnon recruiting tool, Fall of the Cabal, came from your country! Geert Wilders is the leader of the party with the third-most number of seats in your House! Not to mention Thierry Baudet’s Forum for Democracy. Twenty-five seats going to these two parties is a significant faction. It’s already happening to you. It’s already there. Maybe that should be something you’re an activist about.
I don’t know what your purpose for bringing up politics was. Was this some attempt to use the fallacious argument to moderation? Do you think that because your perception of your political climate is that there aren’t extremes (even though there are) and people are not directly opposed in every way (even though that's not an accurate depiction of American politics either) that somehow, that is conferred to you in this discussion? That me being so solidly against conspiracy theorism and identifying myself as such is an unreasonable yet fully American extremist position and therefore you are right because you have “16” political parties to choose from?
I am not a person educated in politics, so you will always win that debate from me.
So why bring it up? What point are you trying to prove?
I also think for most people it's normal to to be educated in politics and it's unfair to judge them because of their lack of knowledge.
I assume there’s a typo in here and that you mean it’s normal NOT to be educated in politics. I teach a required course to 17-18-year-olds called “U.S. Government” so no, I don’t think it’s “normal” to not be educated in politics. You have the internet at your fingertips and time enough to watch TikTok videos about Larry Stylinson, so you have time enough to inform yourself.
You come across as intimidating. By building your persona using words like: anticonspirisist, antisemitism, falsification, etc you scare people. You are smart, but not kind.... which makes you unaproachable. Your followers will follow your takes without critisism, because otherwise they will also be seen as conspiricy theorists. I've seen the reblogs of your posts, no original thoughts. You are not having conversations or discussions. You are just laying out your laws.
I wish you well and hope the political climate in your country will get better eventualy.
I’m sorry, but how in the WORLD are you scared by words like that? They are specific words that mean specific things that I’ve written about dozens of times and are easily searched on the internet for more context. You came here asking me if I knew this and this and that, and when I show that I am indeed knowledgeable, all of the sudden that knowledge makes me unapproachable? The words I use are to "build [a] persona"??
What you mean to say is that you realized that I DO know every piece of larrie lore and that because I am not convinced by it, you are unsettled because you are convinced by it.
You thought that the evidence was undeniable and here I am, an educated woman just a bit younger than you, knowing more about the subject you brought up, and have an opposite view: not only is this conspiracy theory not real, but it is also not “just for fun” and does actively harm people.
Don’t turn that discomfort back on me. What you’re feeling, finally, is the effects of cognitive dissonance. Your worldview has been shaken. You try to blame me and my “attitude” for your discomfort, but it’s all within you. As @back-to-louis is so fond of saying, the calls are coming from inside the house.
What you haven’t considered is that there is a reason I don’t temper my personality here. I don’t behave like a cult leader, love-bombing people to make them feel safe and liked and so SMART for coming to the conclusion they’ve been led to by obscuring reality and explaining away unpleasant truths. But that’s what you’re used to here on tumblr. You’re used to fake “you’re so smart for getting it.” I’m saying, “not only is your belief in larrie not an indication of your social intelligence and knowledge of the music industry, but everything you take as evidence is bullshit.”
Also, bold of you to criticize anti-conspiracists as having “no original thoughts.” You didn’t bring a single original thought to this discussion. Not one! You’re only parroting what you’ve heard from everyone else. It’s been YEARS of this for most of us, and so why say again in a reblog what has already been said about the thing that larries have been saying for a decade? There is nothing new under this son.
AND this is some blatant @back-to-louis erasure, painting me as the unquestioned cult leader. I linked to her posts over and over again and you’ve just decided that it’s me that says what I say and everyone just blindly follows. BTL has been having discussions with people for literally a decade and you can read it all on her blog, but you've chosen not to. You have looked at reblogs from this one blog which is relatively new because my old blog got nuked and decided we never discuss things.
You came here wanting to discuss the exact same details that anti-conspiracists debunked 10 years ago. Can you see how boring that is for us? You think that everything you know is new and fresh because you are new to this but we are not. I made YouTube videos, I’ve recorded a podcast, I’ve been interviewed on multiple occasions, I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words on this topic and nothing you said surprised me. You stumbled into the inbox of an expert on the larrie mindset. Of course you’ll come away from that feeling bad. I’m not pulling my punches! I’m not welcoming you with open arms. Why would I? What you do is actively harmful and unkind.
That said, you don’t have to be a larrie. That’s a choice you make every day.
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I'm In A Palm Springs Mood
It was only about two and a half weeks before Harry Styles’ birthday that it was announced that he’d be having two birthday shows in Palm Springs, one on January 31st and a second on his actual birthday February 1st. As mentioned in the previous post I was already planning on seeing him on January 27th so when I saw the post I was intrigued and told myself that I’d stop at nothing to go see these shows.
That day I reposted the photo on my Instagram story when a friend that I went to high school with asked me that we should carpool down to Palm Springs for the shows. I enthusiastically agreed and adored the idea of driving down the 99 and the I-5 with a friend to see our lord and savior, Harry Styles. When the presale officially happened I was able to easily purchase two tickets for the January 31st show (thank you Ticketmaster), one for each of us. After purchasing the tickets she asked me if I was down to go with two of her other friends who were also going to the birthday shows. I absolutely loved the idea and every single road trip comedy in existence filled my head.
A couple days later she purchased two tickets for the February 1st show and was able to get an Airbnb for the four of us. After coming back from LA the morning of the 28th after seeing him the night previously my mind went on overdrive. I had to put together two different outfits and had only three days to do so.
If you’ve never been to a Harry Styles show one thing you should know is that everyone gets dressed to the nines. Think of people dressing up for Sunday church or prom your senior year of high school but add way more cowboy hats and flared trousers. I’ve thought long and hard about why this happens or where it even started and one theory comes to mind. I believe this is all based and influenced around Harry's own fashion statements. Fans wanting to interpret their own version of his outfits did so at his concerts and as time passed fans started to make their own statement pieces. Which was a BIG reason why I was so stressed about these two outfits I needed to put together.
After digging through my closet I found a champagne colored pussy bow blouse which was originally a back up outfit from another Harry concert and found a black denim jacket that I decided to paint. I pondered on what I’d paint on the jacket and decided that it’d say “I’m in a Palm Springs mood” a nod to Harry’s song “Satellite” where he sings “I’m in a LA mood”.
The morning of the first show on the 31st I hopped into the car with my three friends and we started our trek to Palm Springs! Six hours and an In-N-Out stop later we made it to our Airbnb and got ready for the show later that night. I put on the champagne colored pussy bow blouse and tied the bow on tight around my neck
Driving up to the Acrisure Arena the very first time I marveled at the beauty of the landscape. When I read that the venue was in the desert they were not kidding. Snow capped mountains are visible in the distance and palm trees and brush are everywhere. The scenery surrounding the arena is beautiful and is one of the most gorgeous concert venues I’ve ever been to in person. Acrisure also did a wonderful job decorating with a large “Happy Birthday Harry” sign and painted doors outside the venue.
Walking inside the doors of the venue, the actual size of it surprised me. Walking through the outer edges of the venue versus actually getting to your seat were two completely different experiences. Walking around the arena you pass by all of the food and drink stalls and even a decently sized bar. When my friend and I got to our seats which were located in the lower bowl we both looked at each other in amazement and marveled at how close we actually were to the stage. The actual intimacy of the venue is in large part because of its capacity. With a venue capacity of only 11,000 it puts it at a stark difference to the Kia Forum which is already an incredibly intimate venue and has a concert capacity of 18,000. After a wonderful opening set by Madi Diaz, Harry took the stage wearing red trousers and a green and yellow top with a bucket of popcorn on it. To no one’s surprise Harry slayed and did an amazing job. After the show my three friends and I drove back to the Airbnb and prepared ourselves mentally and physically for day two of Harry Styles.
On the morning of February 1st we ate breakfast and drove around town buying last minute accessories for the show later that evening. As routine as it was driving to the venue and paying for parking and going through security there was still a sense of wonder to the whole thing. As you walked around the venue you heard murmurs about an alleged special guest and the setlist for that night. Before Harry actually went on stage the energy was electrifying and incomparable to any other concert I’ve ever been to in my life. The energy from the audience felt physical. It was as if a cloud rested over everyones head that one could just reach out and grasp in their palm. And the entire show felt like that from the moment Harry walked on the stage to the moment he and the band took their bows at the end of the show.
Driving down to Palm Springs for the shows with friends, two of whom I met the day of the first show is an experience I’ll never forget. It’s one of the big reasons why I love road tripping for concerts with friends. It’s all of the little things that end up sticking with you and implanting in your memories. It’s the conversations you had in the car as you drove to the venue. It’s the speaking to each other in hoarse voices after the show. It’s the food you rush to eat after everything’s over.
I can’t wait to create more of these memories and see Harry again the next time he tours North America.
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Accessible Theory
neocities is running a bit slow right now, so i decided to crosspost this from my website.
Fair warning, I am not entirely sure where this blog post may go, and I am operating of of my own knowledge... which I feel is still expanding on this topic.
Recently I just caught wind of what was going on with Yesterweb (the site/community). Yesterweb is something sadgrl.online started that gave insight to the concept of the 'indie web' most people refer to and many read the manifesto located there that inspired them. I hadn't run into that site myself when I made my own, but I know it was a pretty significant drive for many to move to neocities. I mention my lack of seeing it at first because I basically did not touch the social communities at all, I wasn't on the forum or discord etc.
This blog isn't about Yesterweb- not fully, and I don't want to make it all about the shutdown because again, I wasn't there when this problem was blooming. But, it brought many thoughts to mind.
Again as I say, whatever thoughts I express here were brought to my mind because of what I read but, none of this is directed at how the mods handled this. (And i also completely undeniably understand the need to shut down such massive, hard to control social spaces simply from that perspective too).
When I heard about what was going on I went to the forum, and saw how it was read-only. I went to the last announcement thread to get some insight and its turned into me reading the incredibly lengthy 3 page thread probably with thousands and thousands of words at this point. Once I started seeing some more mod input explaining things I knew I wanted to get even more insight on the thoughts not about the shut down itself but the intention of Yesterweb itself. Because even outside of that site, I felt like there was just something... there was something being missed, some unidentified, that just wasn't being taught or spoken.
A conflicting read I couldn't grasp was this sentiment that the idea of such a movement couldn't be spoke straight forwardly in a "this is our idea and what we are doing" because people could hear the ideas expressed and misinterpret it and this makes sense. This is something I do understand- you can explain a complex idea of theory and someone could understand it some other way, and in terms of a movement that could open up to people saying "wait, i thought you meant this?"
I get that as I see it play out time and time again (and I know I have fallen into issues of the same thing in other communities), but at the same time the idea of letting things sit in the air and hope the energy pushed by you for the movement....catch on somehow without it spoken? I guess? That people will come to getting the implications you have about sub cultures and counter cultures, Marxist theories, commercialism...
I sit here reading threads and discussions like this and cant help but question "where do i start?" and thats something i would want to hear in that kind of community, you know? and it was hard to see if that was ever done in that space. There is always a divide between those already intent to lead a revolution because they have the knowledge to apply to it in a useful way and those who could but just... dont have the intellectual knowledge? I think we all know those people arent stupid- i think we all know there are loads who would start to follow that idea but as a person who feels like they are in that category, I feel like I am sitting in the dark unable to partake in a movement I would gladly join, or even just feel like what I am doing, isn't what it should be.
Because I don't understand most of what is talked about there. I feel like i know what we want in that kind of movement but hell if I understand the kind of political theory those "above me" so strongly applied behind the scenes.
There is where i think of 'accessible theory' though terms used very loosely to gather my feeling. I know it sounds counter productive to bring this question to the empty crowd of a blog, "How am I supposed to find the knowledge on all these things you apply to this kind of movement?" one would want to say 'google it' but I think we all know full well the biased and sometimes useless nature of current search engines, which makes it harder to dive into the deep end. And even more so, where do I go to engage and find a community? One that... would also have levels of discussion that wouldnt alienate me.
The inability to identify the theory and the ideas is the biggest hurdle to me. If i was reading this thread and someone hadn't said "this is about sub culture versus counter culture" I wouldn't have know, and its right for them to say people wouldn't know but, what the hell are you to do other than to educate if that is whats missing? if someone hadn't said they were applying Marxist theory to the inner workings of their decisions in the movement i would have no damn clue, because I can't recognize Marxism. I can see full well how certain things came into play with a movement like the Yesterweb, and why somethings arent outright stated but where do you balance straightforward teaching and unspoken natural growth?
I know like the many others who joined that community that I would be pulled in my nostalgia and I don't think any of them were saying that alone was bad, but the idea that those who were did not know or apply the knowledge they were applying themself in order to become that 10% who understood, feels like it brushes off the potential these people would have if they were given the readable resources for these topics. There is a point I feel where that walls needs to be broken down and the unease of people interpreting your statement differently when stated bluntly at least leaves a higher amount of people having learned anything at all- that they can at least apply to a radical movement in whatever way they want that they couldn't before. Though again- I don't intend for people to read this as me pointing my finger at Yesterweb in particular- this is a sentiment I have had for a long time.
A recent post on tumblr that was fitting in time for my reads of the forum brought to mind this a bit more, just in the topic of consuming non-fiction. I think the 'lack of knowledge' on some of these political theories etc in younger people is that and many other things. For one, I also have majorly consumed fictional media above all, and most of my leaning to left ideas spawned from many things I thought about after consuming said media. This isn't bad of course- fictional media is easier to take in and the fact it feeds many's drive to change and learn is fantastic. But as that post outlines, its limiting. Fictional media is 1) made by a biased creator who also consumed these ideas and are feeding them back to you 2) the fictional media itself (even more when applied to mainstream media) is often worked into whatever framework is acceptable before being put out (cartoons often getting censored for kids, networks in general denying many aspects of an episode's script, etc). And so, the point towards non-fiction is important, and I think for a lot of those who fell in the category that was not the '10%' that the Yesterweb hoped to have were often people like that, and while I don't feel I blindly fall into that category, i know I have been there and grew there and was still left directionless in how to change this about myself.
I can, and have, picked up your expected books to read even as they often sit unread right now. I have been diving deep into all the discussions people have had across the YW forum etc consuming whatever the hell is being said and hoping this sticks in my head. I don't write this article to point my finger at Sadness or whoever else and yell "please, you need to show me what to do!"
but I sometimes feel helpless and uneducated in front of the undefined "You" that i refer to in my head. I LOVE The political direction people took from web revival even as it is not all of them. I AM driven and determined to keep this mindset no matter how little I feel I know on the deeper things I could apply. I WANT that to change and I will do my best to see it through, really. I was not involved directly in YW community and I hope this blog doesn't come off like a jab at them as I simply wanted to bounce off my internal frustrations in feel 'lesser than' when it comes to topics I feel I still am learning about. What the YW brought up for many is so incredibly important and I think we all need to remember the real intention behind "web revival" which isn't that its just nice to have a pretty website that looks like it came out of the 90s. We are doing this for more than that and we always should be.
Consider the above more an analysis on what I felt was missing. How I felt I was missing something (and maybe still feel I am). Sometimes you need to vent, right?
As always, if you want to contact me about this blog, email me! Especially if you have thoughts to reach out about starting on learning more about what I speak of here.
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Tw people attempting to sui-bait people for intrusive thoughts, past s/h, mentions of scratching on hands/legs due a cat play-attacking them, passive scar ment, passive murder ment, passive torture ment
Quick disclaimer: no cat/kitten was harmed in any way and the only physical harm was to me, which wasnt intentional and is considerably superficial/not serious. On the mental end however...
(Btw i have bpd, ocd and potentially aspd. I really need a place to put this who wont judge me cause its helping me calm down right now.)I have some impulse issues, intrusive thoughts as well as just adopted a 12 week old kitten(clarity: i have own cats all my life, this is not my first experience with kittens). He'll attack my feet and it hurts every time. All i can do is wiggle him off or pick him up and move him. Hes been doing this the entire time we've had him( about a month now) and ive gotten full on scars from him play attacking. If you saw me and my gfs hands and legs, you'd think we stuck them in paper shredders.
Its been a long emotional and triggering day today and i was just trying to clean up a complex mess of papers and stuff on the floor and he refused to leave me alone, attacking and pouncing on every single thing i picked up or put down. I warned him with just simple words like stop or no so he can get used to them(our older cat picked up what they mean) and i even encouraged him to go play with our older cat like he usually dose. His kennel was behind me and at some point i was just done with dealing with him.
I picked him up and was going to put him in his kennel to calm down when he wiggled really hard and scratched the shit out of my hand. It really hurt and it was on my wrist which really triggering with my past with self harm. I was so angry and done and my impulses and intrusive thoughts just really wanted to hurt him because of just how many times he's hurt me. But i didnt, i just picked him more securely, put him in his kennel and went to the bathroom to clean my hand.
My thoughts got so loud and demanding and was already lightheaded from seeing my scratches that i had to turn the water to freezing cold just to keep my eyes straight and stop myself from drifting and potentially passing out( its medical).
Then i sat down and checked online for some heat of the moment tips to make sure i didnt spiral like deep breathing or how to quiet the thoughts and oh boy was that a mistake. Just people on forums asking for advice for the exact situation i was in and they didnt want to hurt anyone but they had the thoughts. 1/8th of the comments are people telling you to seek therapy, which is vaild but dosent help in the heat of the moment, the other 7/8ths? People talking about graphically murdering or torturing the poor op. Acting rightous for telling him how they hurt him or that he should commit sui. Some shit they said to this guy is stuff ive only heard in the true crime community.
Safe to say, with 0 warning, that was the absolute worst things for me to be reading at that moment. In a sound mind, i know im not my thoughts or impulses. I know that hes a kitten and he did not intend to hurt me, he was just excited and wanted to play with me because he loves me. I know that im worthy of life and just because i felt or thought it, dosent mean i meant it or wanted to hurt someone. But in the moment? That hurt. Alot. And I'm lucky it didnt lead to sh or even worse.
Im sorry if this isnt what this is for but i dont feel safe anywhere else to put this and the internet showed me that today in a moment of weakness.... It still amazes me how people can scream for support for people with adhd or depression but the second traumatized people with intrusive thoughts enter the picture, we are monsters...
Im ok now but this is what leads to alot of hurt or worse mentally ill people who are just reaching out for help before anything gets worse and some in the "anti-ableism" community pretends its not them in the comments telling people to hurt themselves instead of others while the intention should be getting them help so no one gets hurt. Its not shocking at this point.
it sounds like you handled this situation the best way you could, by not hurting yourself or others. i’m proud of you anon. but it sucks you had to see that, it’s a sad truth of how people who are supposedly “supportive” of MI people, will easily throw us under the bus the second our symptoms are too much for them :/
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Hi this is the same anon that came to you questions my identity maybe I should give myself an anon? I would like to drop by often and chat a bit about identity and such. Maybe 🦪. I tried to take your advice and go on Reddit and see if I could listen to the community and such but I can’t help but feel that the community has a bit of racism going on. I just searched afro indigenous to see if I could find more people with my struggles or more people who have gone though the exact same thing of me but the first thing that popped up was about a show of indigenous people and I tried to scroll through it with a open mind and open heart but I can’t say I don’t feel hurt by the comments a bit. They seem to separate black indigenous people as just black and internally don’t seem to claim them. They called it “indigenous shows” and how indigenous people needed their own shows and how we already have a ton of our own. And I get it I do but it also feels like they just don’t want to add black mvskoke to their show and- I’ll leave a quoted comment that kinda deflated me. “There are plenty of "black shows". This show is for us indigenous. I don't believe it needs more representation of anyone else except for more indigenous people. Some groups are over represented, we are not in that category. If it were me, I'd show less of other races and try to bring more native talent into the world. But, that's just my opinion. Love the earth and each other” and then another comment under that one being “1 agree. There are black shows with black creators, black actors, and that talk about black issues. This is a show about Indigenous creators, Indigenous actors, that talk about Indigenous issues. Everyone deserve to see a show about people like them created by people like them. Rez Dogs is that for Indigenous people.” I don’t think I’m welcomed and I don’t think I would ever be “like them”. -🦪
I am so sorry i didnt warn you. There is a lot of anti-black racism in the native community unfortunately but i KNOW there has to be afro-native groups out there. Because there are black natives ive seen articles of them talking about their experiences, as a black person, as a native person, and as a black native person.
Im sorry that you had to read that i truly am. You DO belong and not as a side note or asterisk. As a whole person
And these are the same people, the ones youve come across, that uphold colonialist ideas like one drop rule and blood quantum, that which in the end works against them.
You might have an easier time in the subreddit MixedRace, but i totally understand being turned off and wary, so dont do that unless youre prepared for anymore of that. Because i cant say there wont be but id like to think its better, since its mixed people of all kinds talking and not 'pure natives 🙄'
if you want i could make a post asking around for afro indigenous spaces or subreddit or forums, lurk a bit and vet it for you. I know youre very shy, but i could maybe find a few options that you can choose from hopefully
And what they said is wrong. Yes rez dogs is more geared towards ppl who grew up on the rez, but that shouldnt exclude black natives. Your blackness doesnt diminish or is even always seperate from your indigeny. Not to mention not everyone grew up on the rez. Not everyone grew up with their culture. And also it seems rez dogs still plays into colorism but i could be wrong.
Rez dogs is great im sure. and not everyone has to be represented all the time. But if we were to say it focuses just on ppl from a rez then that includes black natives who grew up on the rez. That is a fact.
There are black natives who have grown up on a reservation, whole families! They are native they are indigenous as a whole person. And they want to uphold white supremacist type bullshit to keep the 'purity'. its just plain bigotry
Because you KNOW that not everyone on that cast is 100% native theres got to be someone whos mixed. and its like does that automatically disqualify them as part of the native representation?
Native is all skin tones. Its all hair styles. Its all clothing type all music types all accents. Its also all over the place.
You have these assholes say that someone who doesnt give a shit about being native yet is 100% in blood, has more worth as a voice than someone who is low BQ but helps the community and is deep within their culture or wtvr- even someone with low BQ and born on the rez they will claim fraud.
that makes no sense.
But nonetheless, i cant imagine the hurt you must feel. And i wish there was something more i could do to help.
Just remember that at the end of the day, you have to know in your gut and your brain and your soul that they are wrong. That they are bigots. Black native people are native. Not part. Whole. Being black doesnt take away or diminish being native at ALL.
What i tell everyone is, you are what native looks like. In experience, in physical appearance, in all ways.
Again im so sorry for not telling you and you had to experience that. Just know there are other black natives, of every tribe. There are articles on their experiences. Just dont read the comments
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If Tily was real, why is there nobody else ever speaking on it besides the people in your immediate circle? Keep in mind everyone across Gaylorism agrees Swiftgron was definitely a thing. I just don't see it.
tily had some avid shippers in 2016/2017 when they were hanging out. i’ve seen it for myself on the l chat. they got shouted down again and again by kaylor shippers who refused to let go of the past and wanted karlie and taylor to come out and get married. it didn’t matter that lily and taylor were up each other’s asses and karlie was no where to be found except hanging out with josh. people got emotionally attached to kaylor and refused to let go.
but that’s the difference between you and me. you say no one’s ever talked about tily but me because you haven’t read every single page of taylor’s old l chat thread like i have. you haven’t done the research like i have. yet you come here and say “i don’t see it”. yeah! you don’t. because you haven’t been looking for it. i’ve been looking for the truth. every other gaylor focuses on kaylor and confirmation bias shows them what they want to see. i dont. i look at everything. i look at what taylor was ACTUALLY doing and who she was ACTUALLY spending time with.
you come here and say literal falsehoods into my ask box as if you’ve made a point. and let me tell you it gets old. like no offense anon but why would you assume you know more than me? do you think im stupid? do you think i didn’t go looking through every archive and forum to find every bit of gaylor info i could? do you think i don’t vet my sources?
it just gets fucking old to be right about so much and to work for so long and so hard and do so much research and to work so hard at presenting it, just to be hated and rejected from the community for it.
ONE fandom niche was completely unaffected by lavenderhazegate and it was MINE. because i have been preaching the truth and we were prepared for it. i have been preaching that taylor and joe, whatever they started out as, are real and that yes she does write love songs for him and that’s fucking fine. i have ALSO been begging and begging people to stop assuming every thing taylor does has to do with queerness. proven right again by her joesplaining the word lavender.
the rest of the fandom freaked out, was “furious”, spent hours talking about it, were outraged, some have said they’re done with taylor, cancelling merch and album orders, but WE were FINE. because we already knew she would do some shit like this. we know joe is real and we know taylor is a dumb bitch and not some queer scholar icon. she’s a dumb rich bisexual girl who loves her boyfriend. and that’s FINE. and we already knew that.
yet you come here, not having even listened to my tily episodes not even having read the tily posts on my blog (and i know you didn’t because we’ve mentioned those l chat shippers from back in the day on the episodes and on the blog) trying to accuse me of making it up.
nah not today i’m exhausted of all of this. go do your own research if you don’t trust mine. come to your own conclusions. ship what you wanna ship. but if you’re not going to do the work i’ve done, don’t come to my blog and act like i’m full of shit.
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A Love Letter for Tracey Sketchit
from btamamura
(CW // Contains very, very brief mention of sexual assault, bullying and suicide)
Hello, Tracey. You don’t know me, but for over 20 years, I have known you. I guess that would be a creepy way to put it, huh? But, nonetheless, it’s the truth.
I was around fifteen when I first saw The Lost Lapras aired on TV for an advanced screening. At the time, I had been aware of Pokémon. My brother would watch episodes and I sometimes joined in if Sailor Moon wasn’t on and I was up to get ready for school. I had a novel adaptation of some of the episodes and the anime dub soundtrack. Got those for my birthday. Was even going to see the First Movie in cinemas when it came out.
Even so, my awareness or thinking to call myself a fan was still minor at best until the moment you appeared on screen, observing the Pokémon that belonged to the delinquents who were hurting Lapras and calling them out for neglecting the care of their Pokémon, then complimenting and sketching Pikachu.
My attention was grabbed instantly. Who were you? I needed to know more…! So, I focused more on the episode. An artist, a Pokémon Watcher, a fan of Professor Oak, someone who was amazed to hear Meowth speak human language, someone with a Venonat, someone named Tracey. And I knew I wanted to know you more.
So, I started watching more and more of the Pokémon anime dub. Then, it finally aired again. For real. The Lost Lapras. Not just an advance screening but the real thing. Meaning more episodes to come. And more chances to get to know you.
And the more I got to see you, the more I got to know you, the more I liked you. When I found out my school could print coloured pictures on their computers, I made a collage of the only pictures of you I could find and then slipped it into the cover of my binder folder. Whenever I felt upset in class, whether the work was stressful or I was being bullied, looking at you helped me feel better.
When the second movie was announced to be coming to cinemas, I decided I was going to Closet Cosplay as you to the best of my abilities. I had already cosplayed in the same way with a group of friends I had met who were also into Pokémon.
I did the cosplay and even had my dad take a photo, which I have enclosed with this letter for you to see. At the time, I would have been almost 16. Just three months off. And I was so excited to see the movie. I got the soundtrack and the novel adaptation, the VHS and eventually the DVD.
Imagine my shock and sorrow to learn people hated you the more I scoured the internet about you. Most forums had character bashing pages with you as the focus, there were fanfiction where you were killed for no reason or made gay in a homophobic lens, not in the accepting lens. Meaning it was very derogatory. And very heartbreaking. But, I also found a page that would lead to another big change in my life. The Kawaii Kenji Shrine. A page dedicated not to the English dub take on you but the original in which you were Kenji. Little did I know that finding out who helped give you a voice in that would lead me to becoming the anime fan and seiyuu fan I am today. I was introduced to the song Minna de Arukou, a song I have loved ever since first hearing it in its entirety. It was the first Japanese song I learned how to sing by heart. I read the stories, and none were hateful. Sure, some had sad content, but they weren’t done in hateful ways. It also led me to two other character shrine pages that supported you. One of which introduced me to the D.O.T. aka Defenders of Tracey. I’ve been a defender of yours for as long as I’ve been a fan and it made me happy to know others would defend you too.
And then, something traumatic happened to me when I was sixteen. Actually, two traumatic things. I was sexually assaulted and lost a friend to suicide. Focusing on you helped provide comfort in that time. So much so that the next year when it had been a year since the Good Friday I had been sexually assaulted, when I saw you heavily focused on in the episode of the anime dub that was on that morning, that was all I wanted to think about. You brought me comfort and distraction at a time I needed it most. The whole weekend, when I woke up, through the day and right before bed, I would watch the episode again and again and again because it was the first time in a long time I had been able to see you in an episode. It felt especially special because of the timing, like you were personally trying to comfort me and say that I was going to get through a time related to traumatic memories and stress and come out of it okay, even if not recovered yet from the pain it caused me.
I have been able to make irreplaceable friends because of you, friends dear to me who have also been fans of you since Day One. Medea10 being one of the closest I’ve had that after I got myself a little commissioned plush of you, I got one made for her too. You helped her a lot in life too but I will leave it to her to tell you that someday.
Even these days, over 20 years later, you are a source of comfort and support. Thinking about you helps me through sad times. Rewatching the episodes with you in them got me through ten lonely days in hospital when I needed major surgery - a thyroidectomy - and couldn’t have visitors because a pandemic caused global hospital lockdowns where only patients and end of life family visits were allowed in aside from the staff themselves.
Thank you, Tracey. From the depths of my heart. I will continue to love and admire you, defend you from haters and naysayers and doubters, and always be a fan who supports you, even now with the anime having come to its final conclusion. Thank you for the comfort and the support you gave me without being aware of such.
Thank you for being you, no matter if Kenji or Tracey Sketchit.
Love from btamamura.
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