#out of pain meds for 2 days as we get hit with this cold weather | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

study-coffee-chicago · 3 years

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Seasons of Med: Season 2 and Seasons of PD: Season 4: Necessities, Love, & Care (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister! Imagine)

Your age: 15

Jay's age: 29

Will's age: 31

You were currently sitting at the library, trying to figure out how you'd get food for dinner. It was January and you had run out of your Christmas money two weeks ago and you had burned through your money from helping with kettle corn at the beginning of December. Right now you were SOL: Shit outta luck.

Your mind wandered back to the last day you had helped working the kettle corn stand when it was a dreary late October day.

"We have kettle corn, caramel corn, cheddar, Chicago style, and a few other flavors," you explained to a customer. She picked up a medium bag of caramel corn. "That one?"

"Yes, dear. Me and my husband love this stuff," the old lady said.

"I'm sure. It's really good! It'll be six dollars." She pulled out a five and two ones. "I'll be right back with your change."

"Oh, no, keep the change, dear. Thank you for the popcorn."

"You're welcome. Have a nice day."

"Y/N," Emma said to you. "Can you grab me a lemonade from the cooler?"

"Just one?"

"Yup, just one."

You grabbed it from the cooler and were about to pass it to her when you saw who her customers were: Jay and Erin.

"Y/N?" Jay asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Working," you answered quickly. "Little bit of extra money never hurt anybody. The real question is, what are you doing here? I know Erin hates being outside when the weather is crappy."

"It's because he's annoying when he whines and begs to do something, so I figured it was just best to give in," Erin answered.

Jay rolled his eyes. "God, I can't win with either of you. Why do you always gang up on me?"

"Because, Halstead, us girls gotta stick together," Erin laughed.

"Okay, okay, fine. Y/N, what popcorn should I get?"

"First of all, it's kettle corn," you corrected. "And, I suggest the cheddar. Or, if you want a combination of both salty and sweet, then get the Chicago style. It's cheddar and caramel."

"Me and Erin like sweet, but I know you. You like cheddar. And you'll pick out the cheddar pieces when you're at my apartment, so I'll get the Chicago style."

"Or," Erin started as she picked up a large bag of caramel and a large bag of cheddar, "We could get this big bag of caramel, and then you could have this bag at your apartment for Y/N. That way the flavors aren't touching."

"Erin Lindsay and not liking her food touching. Fine, we'll take what Erin suggested and one lemonade."

"One or two straw holes?" Emma asked, picking up the lid-punching tool.

"One's fine," Jay answered.

"They swap enough spit as it is," you whispered to Emma, causing her to laugh.

"What'd she say?" Jay asked.

"I can't tell you. It's a secret."

He huffed. "Fine. Keeping secrets from your big brother? That's cold Y/N, that's cold."

"So you're saying you never kept secrets from Will?" Erin asked.

"I have the right to remain silent."

"Exactly," Erin said. "How much does he owe you?"

"Excuse me? I didn't know I'd be the one paying for all of this."

"You were the one who dragged me outside, so yes, you are paying, Halstead. Now, get your card ready."

Jay rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet. "How much?"

You did the math in your head. "$23."

"Emma, can you check her math?" Jay asked and you rolled your eyes in his lack of faith in you.

"$10 for the cheddar and $8 for the caramel makes $18...plus $5 for the lemonade...yup $23."

You handed him the card reader. "And now it's just going to ask you a few questions," you told him after his card went through.

Without allowing him to read it all the way through, Erin hit the tip and no receipt buttons. "Hey!" Jay exclaimed.

"Don't blame me! You were the one who wanted me to come out here!" She turned to you and took the bag of kettle corn as Jay picked up the 32 oz lemonade. "Thanks, Y/N!"

"No problem! Just make sure he doesn't buy any more paintings of motorcycles!"

Man, how you wished you could work that job right now because it was only for a few hours on the weekends. But, it was winter now, so there were no street fairs, farmers markets, or festivals going on. Because of this, your money had run out. You'd have to do what you'd have to get yourself some food, even if it would leave you with a guilty conscience.

With that in mind, you got up and left the library.

***

"Pop's been complaining of chest pain and refuses to go to the hospital," Jay told his older brother as he walked through the front door and into the living room.

"Of course he did," Will grumbled. Then, he turned to his father. "This won't take long. Unless it's bad. Then you'll have to come with me and actually go to the hospital this time."

"You can't force me to do anything," he argued as he watched his oldest son open up his medical bag.

"Just let him do his job. He knows what he's doing," Jay agreed with Will. Then, he remembered something. "Where's Y/N?"

"At school."

"At school? At 5 pm?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Sometimes she stays after school and does homework. She's always home before it gets too late so I don't ask."

It's not like Jay and Will could have known this, though. Yes, you would talk and they're obviously there for you because they're your brothers, but your dad's parenting skills--or lack thereof--hadn't ever come up. You'd get together with your brothers once a week, but it was usually at one of your brothers' places. They rarely came inside your and your dad's place.

"All units, we have reports of a robbery at 3020 East Main Street. Assistance requested," Jay's radio stated.

Jay looked to Will, silently asking if it was okay for him to take it. "I've got it from here."

"Thanks, man," Jay said, clapping Will on the back and leaving the house.

He drove to the small corner market that had made the call. It was only a block away from where you and your dad lived, but despite it usually being somewhat slow, today it was even slower. There was only one car parked in the lot, so Jay was confused as to who would even rob this place.

He put on his vest and walked into the store. "Got a call about a robbery," he said to the store manager as he entered.

"Yes, right over here."

He led Jay over to where a girl was sitting on a stool, tears rolling down her face. She held a box of pasta, a loaf of bread, and a small jar of peanut butter. Her coat was unzipped, revealing the tampons and pads she had stuffed inside her coat after she had ripped open the box.

"Y/N?" Jay asked in disbelief. "What are you doing? What were you even thinking?"

"I- I'm sorry," you sniffled.

Then he turned to the store manager. "You called the cops on a fifteen-year-old girl for grabbing what looks to me like necessities?"

"I've let her go the past two times when she needed things, but today she didn't have the money, so I couldn't let it slide."

Jay threw $30 in the man's hand. "There. Now it's all paid for." He turned to you and took the loaf of bread. "C'mon."

You followed him out of the store, waiting to be yelled at as you entered his truck, but it didn't come. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he handed you the bread. "Why? Why did you do this?"

"There- There's barely any food in the house. I was just hungry."

Jay looked you up and down. He hadn't been really looking for changes in weight like he told Natalie he would do six months ago. He kept it up for a few months and then winter came around and it was hard to tell because of bulky jackets and sweaters. But, now that he actually looked at your face and hands in an investigative manner, it was clear as day: You had lost even more weight.

"And the other stuff?" he asked.

"Dad won't buy them for me. Says that they're too expensive and to just use something else. He said that if he had had a son he wouldn't have to worry about it, like it's my fault. Usually, I take some from school, but I ran out and I needed them."

"And the food?" Jay asked as he started driving back to his childhood home.

"I get breakfast and lunch at school, but I have to eat dinner at home. And on weekends I just skip meals and eat breakfast and dinner."

"What? What about Dad?"

"He gets takeout or he goes to the bar and isn't home until late."

Jay sighed as he pulled into the driveway. "Go pack a bag, kid. You're staying at my place until further notice."

"Really? I thought you guys forgot about me?"

"We could never forget about you. It's just, work has been busy for both of us. So, sorry if these last few times we've all been together for dinner have seemed a little rushed. Now, go inside and grab your stuff while I have a chat with Will and Dad."

"Dad, Will," Jay said after you had run upstairs and they were sitting on the couch. "I need to talk to you. In the kitchen."

"Really, Jay. Why can't it be here?" your dad grumbled. "First he--" He pointed to Will. "Wants to take me to the hospital because he said I have a valve issue and now I can't even have a conversation with my sons while sitting down?"

"Just get up, dammit!"

The three entered the kitchen and sat down, but Jay stayed standing. "Jay, what's going on?" Will asked.

Instead of answering his older brother, Jay just opened the fridge. There was a half drank gallon of milk, a jar of grape jelly, and a can of pasta sauce, along with other condiments, and a lone egg sat on a shelf. "This? This is what you expect your daughter to eat? I caught her stealing from a store just so she could get food and tampons!"

"Well, I'm not gonna pay for it."

"Excuse you?" Will exclaimed, eyebrows raised in surprise. "What do you mean you're not paying for it? She's your daughter, isn't she? Then you have a legal responsibility to feed her, make sure she has shelter, clothes, and goes to school!"

"She can go get a job."

"She is fucking fifteen!" Jay yelled. "She doesn't need to be worrying about where her next meal is coming from! She's supposed to be worrying about getting a good grade on a math test or if that boy likes her or not, but not that!"

"She needs to learn to grow up someday. And she won't if you boys baby her like you always do whenever you see her."

"Baby her?" Will yelled, disgusted. "She's a kid. She needs to be babied sometimes. She needs fucking food and a nice home to come home to, not whatever the hell you think this is."

"It hasn't been a home since your mother died."

"Yeah, we gathered that," Jay scoffed. "But you don't have to take it out on her."

"Jay," your small voice said from the doorway into the kitchen. All three men looked over to you, your backpack on your back, a duffle bag slung over your shoulder, and your favorite blanket wadded up in your hands so that you could carry it without it dragging on the ground.

"Ready to go?" Jay asked, his voice immediately softening.

"Uh, yeah," you answered, unsure of how your dad would react.

"What do you mean ready to go?" Pat Halstead asked, standing up from where he had been previously sitting at the table. "She's not going anywhere!"

Will rushed over to you, placing a hand on your shoulder while Jay stalked over to be face to face with your dad. "She is coming with me until further notice. You're lucky I don't arrest your ass for child neglect!"

"You wouldn't do that to your own father!"

Jay pulled the cuffs out of his back pocket. "Oh yeah? Try me."

He sat back down and Jay turned to you. "Here, let me take that." You handed him your duffle bag and followed him and Will outside.

"Jay, I gotta go. I gotta get Dad to Med to get the valve fixed. And, I said one hour out of the hospital tops and it's been two."

Jay closed the truck door once you were safely inside with all your stuff. "Good luck trying to get Dad to go the hospital," he scoffed. "Get going. Don't give Goodwin another reason to fire your stupid ass."

"I'll call an ambulance if I have to." Then, Will smacked Jay upside the head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You know what it was for. And, I'm your older brother, it's my job."

"I'm your older brother, it's my job," Jay mocked. "But, in all seriousness, do me a favor and make sure Y/N's all caught up on her immune- immune--"

"Immunizations?" Will laughed.

"Yeah, those."

"I'll do that. And if she's not, I'll give them to her tonight when I come over to your place after my shift is done...which will be in like two hours...depending on how much of a pain in the ass he is to get in the hospital."

Jay nodded, and then got in the truck, both of you making your way to his place.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," Jay said after you had put your stuff down by the couch. "You have homework?"

"Yeah," you looked down, not wanting to even try and struggle through your homework...or have Jay sign the slip that said that you failed your last test.

Jay smiled. "I'll help you with it when I'm out of the shower, okay, kid?"

"How'd you know--"

"That is the universal facial expression of I need help, but I don't know how to ask for it. I'll be ten minutes tops."

And so, you tried to struggle through your homework for ten minutes. But, you ended up working and reworking the stupid algebra problem. Why did math need letters anyway?

"Okay, I'm back," Jay said as he pulled a chair out to sit next to you. "What are you workin' on?"

"Can you sign this first?" you asked, sliding the yellow paper over to him along with the pen. You hoped he'd just sign it blind, but as you saw his eyes skimming the page, you knew that wouldn't happen.

"Did you try your best?" he asked as he slid the piece of paper back to you after signing it.

"What? Yeah, of course, I did."

"Okay, then we'll figure something out. Now, how about we eat some dinner? I've got pizza in the freezer. That okay?"

"That's great," you answered.

Jay got the pizza in the oven while you went and changed into your pajamas. You decided it was in your best interest to have Will help you with your math homework.

***

"Ah! The man of the hour!" Jay exclaimed as he pulled out the pizza and Will entered the house.

You immediately noticed the red bag he was carrying over his shoulder and the two king-sized Twix bars.

"Why do you have your medical bag?" you asked.

"How did you know this was my medical bag?"

"I'm not stupid, Will."

"Okay, so you're all caught up on your shots, but I need to do a blood draw because I need to see if you're deficient in any vitamins and minerals. Have you been eating enough fruits and veggies?" he asked.

"Probably not as much as I should," you admitted. "They're too expensive unless I get the canned kind and I don't like those unless it's canned peaches. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Short Stack. None of this is your fault. You hear me? None of it. I just need to take the blood and then get it sent to the lab to see if you need to get any specific pills to get your vitamin and mineral levels up."

"Okay. Does it hurt?" you asked. You knew what a shot felt like, but you'd never had your blood drawn before, so you didn't know what it felt like to have a needle in your arm for a long time, taking blood. You knew what it felt like to have an IV in from when you passed out at the movie theater, but you didn't know if this needle would be the same size or bigger.

"You just feel a slight pinch at the beginning."

"Like getting a shot?"

"Like getting a shot," he confirmed.

"Hey, I was thinking," Jay started as he reappeared from the kitchen area, "what if we have celery and carrots with ranch for dinner, too? You know, like when we eat chicken wings at restaurants and they bring you some veggies, except we'll have ours with pizza."

"Okay," you agreed. "I like ranch."

"So does everyone in the midwest," Will joked.

"What's the medical bag for?" Jay asked. "She needs shots? And, what's with the Twix bars?"

"No, I'm drawing her blood to see if she's deficient in anything. And, there's one Twix bar for her and one for you because we all know how you feel about needles, Jay."

Jay rolled his eyes. "We doing this before we eat?"

"Yes. And, I need you to answer some questions for me, Y/N. These are strictly doctor protocol questions, okay? You don't need to be embarrassed about any of the answers."

You nodded.

"Okay," Will started, "When did you last eat? Just need to write it down for fasting glucose levels."

"Um, lunch at school, so around noon."

"So, six-hour fast," Will scribbled down on a piece of paper. "Next one, are you sexually active?"

"Will!"

"It's just standard protocol, just in case I need to test for STDs."

"No, I am not. Next question."

"Okay, last one: When was your last period?"

"You've got to be kidding me. I'm not pregnant, I haven't had sex!"

Will chuckled. "It's not for that. Sometimes when people are deficient in vitamins and minerals, they can lose their period for months at a time, signaling that their body isn't healthy. The medical term is amenorrhea." But, what he wanted to say was that when girls are underweight, this can also happen. And, from seeing how baggy your sweatshirt and jeans were on you, he assumed that you'd lost ten pounds since last going to the doctor when you passed out in the movie theater parking lot, making your weight loss a grand total of 25 pounds, which would qualify you as being underweight.

"Oh. I started today."

"Okay, good to know. Any changes in length or heaviness of menstruation?"

"I swear, I'd rather have Natalie or April be asking me these questions," you grumbled. "But, yes, it's a lot lighter and it went from me having my periods for five days to two days. Can we please stop talking about this now?"

"Yeah, we're all done. Sorry about that, but it's protocol."

"Says the guy who's drawing my blood at Jay's apartment instead of in a hospital, where it should be done."

"Hey, I've worked in much worse conditions than this in Sudan. How much water did you drink today?"

"A lot."

"Okay, good." Will started to unzip his medical bag. He passed a Twix bar to Jay. "Here, eat this and focus on it so you don't focus on the needles and then freak out."

Jay rolled his eyes, but took the candy bar and unwrapped it.

"Do I get one?" you asked.

"Once I draw your blood, yes, the other one is for you. Now, right or left arm?"

You held out your left arm and Will moved to the other side of you so he had a better angle. He sanitized his hands and then snapped on a pair of gloves.

"So, what do you do?" you asked. "I've never had my blood drawn before."

"I just tie off your arm so that I can get the veins to show a bit better, wipe down the spot with an antiseptic wipe, stick the needle in, and then wait for the vial to fill up."

"That's it?"

"That's it. Can you make a fist with your left hand for me?"

You did as Will told you and then he tied a band around your bicep and started touching the inside of your elbow, trying to get some veins to show. He furrowed his eyebrows and moved down your arm, rubbing your forearm and then going back up to the crook of your elbow and gently pressing there.

"What's wrong?" you asked.

"You just have really small veins is all. I could take the blood from the big vein in your forearm, but I don't really want to do that one since it's so big. Can you squeeze your fist tighter for me?" You did as he said while he kept pressing on the crook of your elbow. "There we go. Got one. Now, turn and look at Jay while I get the needle ready."

You looked at Jay and tried not to laugh. "You okay?"

"Me? I should be asking you that," he replied. "You're the one who's about to get stabbed with a needle."

"It's just that you got some sweat on your forehead. You look nervous."

"They're needles. They're tiny little sharp metal objects and if one breaks off--"

"Jay, respectfully," Will started, cutting off his brother, "shut the hell up, so you don't scare my patient. You might just want to look away instead of watching me. Then you might feel fine." Then, he turned back to you. "Okay, Y/N, keep looking at Jay. Close your eyes if you want to. You're going to feel a small pinch."

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Then, you squeezed your eyes shut tightly and grit your teeth, trying not to yell out as the needle pierced your skin.

"Hard part's done," Will said. You nodded, still keeping your eyes closed.

"That was not a small pinch," you retorted about a minute later.

"Sorry."

You opened your eyes and watched as the blood flowed from your vein into the small tube that was hooked up to the needle.

"I thought you hated blood," Jay pointed out. "And here you are, watching the entire process."

"I'm fine when it's my blood if it's not a huge, deep cut," you explained. "It's other people's blood I don't like."

"Well, that takes any job in the medical field off your career choices," Will said.

You sat there for a few more minutes, waiting for the vial to fill up. Will pressed on your arm, close to the needle, to see if more would come out. "This vein is really small," he said.

You watched as the blood coming into the tube started becoming slower and slower, in what looked to be bubbles.

"Just a little more," Will muttered.

You started taking deeper breaths as you felt sweat start to bead on your forehead.

"Okay, let's see how much this gave me." He pressed his thumb above where the needle was and you turned back to Jay as he removed the needle.

Then, he got the blood into the vial. "Bad news," he started, "I might need to take more. Let's see how much extra there is." He put the extra into another, smaller vial. "Yeah, this one clotted too, so bad news, we need more."

You nodded and closed your eyes, feeling your face get hot and starting to feel lightheaded. You pinched the bridge of your nose, willing this uncomfortable feeling to go away.

"You doing okay?" Will asked.

"Yeah," you answered.

"Okay, I'm gonna do your right arm this time." You held your right arm out to him. "Make a fist for me." You did as he told you and he tied the blue band around your bicep.

But, you were getting even dizzier. "Actually, can I get some water? I feel dizzy."

"Course," Will said. "Jay, can you get her some water and juice if you have any?"

"Apple juice good?"

"That's fine," you answered.

Will untied the band from your bicep. "We're just going to wait a few minutes until you feel less dizzy before I take more blood, okay?"

You nodded and took the water from Jay when he came back.

"Let's have the juice after I finish," Will suggested after a few minutes had passed and you finished the water. "Feeling better, Short Stack?"

"Yeah, let's get this over with." Your forehead was still a bit sweaty, but you were a lot less dizzy.

Will repeated the same process as the last arm and it went a lot faster. Turns out he picked a bit bigger vein in the crook of your elbow of this arm than he did the other one.

"And, we're done," Will said as he capped the vial.

He handed you the juice. "Thanks," you said. "That was not fun."

"I bet. At least you didn't pass out. I've had a few patients do that when I went through my clinicals. That's why normally when someone gets their blood drawn, they sit in this chair where something is flipped down in front of them so they don't fall out of the chair just in case they pass out."

"Jay, do you pass out?" you asked.

He scoffed. "No. I don't even get dizzy. My body doesn't react like that."

"He just breaks out into a sweat whenever he sees needles," Will whispered, loud enough for Jay to hear.

"Hey! I heard that! Take one more jab at me and you won't be getting any pizza, Will. I mean it!"

Will held his hands up in a mock surrender while you finished up your juice. Then, Will started to pack up his medical stuff and Jay brought the pizza and veggies and ranch out, along with plates of course.

You ate your pizza while Will helped you with your math homework. Once you finished two slices of pizza and some celery and ranch, you said that you were done.

"You sure?" Jay asked. "You can have as much as you want."

"I'm good. Gotta save some for tomorrow." Your eyes widened as you realized what you had just said. "I'm gonna go take a shower. It's been a long day."

"Okay, clean towels are in the cabinet in the bathroom where they always are," Jay said, trying not to react to what you had just said even though he knew exactly what you were doing.

You were rationing food.

"Fuck," Jay said as he put his head in his hands when he knew you were in the bathroom and out of earshot.

"What? What did she mean by gotta save some for tomorrow?" Will asked.

"She's rationing it. I used to do it in Afghanistan. Save some of my MRE and put it in my pack to eat the next day if I was on a long trek and we knew we wouldn't get back to base. It would be cold and usually disgusting, but I'd choke it down because it was calories and I needed fuel to be sharp in case we came in contact with combatants."

"Poor kid. At least we had Mom."

Jay nodded. "What happened with Dad at the hospital?"

"Had to have a mitral valve replacement because his wasn't working properly. Told him over and over to get his checked regularly, but he didn't because he's stubborn. He went for the non-surgical option first, but then there were complications, so Rhodes performed surgery. He's fine."

"That's good... I guess." Jay glanced around and he saw your duffle bag sitting outside the bathroom door. You had grabbed your clothes to bring them into the bathroom and left your open duffle bag by the door.

Jay stood up and started walking towards it.

"What are you doing?" Will hissed.

"I need to see if she's got anything else in there that will help prove neglect. I'm assuming it needs to be proved...I only know criminal court cases, don't know much about family court cases."

"What do you mean family court? You're going to fight Dad to be able to take care of her?"

"Yeah, I'll fight to be her legal guardian. Unless you want to do it. My loan went through for a new apartment, which has two bedrooms, so I figured I might be better suited."

"Go ahead. You'd probably have a better chance anyway because you were around more when I was in New York."

Jay nodded and started to dig around your duffle bag. He chuckled and pulled out your Build-A-Bear. "She still sleeps with Beary," he said as he held up the stuffed bear. "Probably doesn't change his clothes anymore because she's too old for that, but he's in pajamas."

"Remember that military uniform you got for her bear? Mom said she barely took Beary out of that because she missed you so much."

"Yeah, and if she wouldn't have dropped him at the airport, I might not have met Mouse."

The two fell into a comfortable silence as he continued to dig through your bag. He got to a big zip-lock bag full of pieces of fabric that were stained light reds and browns.

"Will, c'mere," Jay said, waving him over. Will squatted down next to Jay. "You know what this is?"

Will sighed. "Unfortunately, yes. I saw a lot of this when I worked in Sudan."

"Well, what is it?"

"So, when girls don't have access or money to buy feminine hygiene products, they'll use scraps of fabric and wash them. Looks to me like she cut up some, um, she cut up some underwear and then used them as make-shift pads. If they aren't taken care of properly, she could end up with an infection. And, if she tried to use them as tampons instead of pads, it could lead to TSS, which stands for Toxic Shock Syndrome."

"We're gonna have to talk to her about this now, aren't we?"

"Unfortunately, yeah. She's not gonna be happy you dug through her stuff, so I'll let you explain why you were going through it. And, if she used them as tampons, I want her to get a pelvic exam, just to make sure she didn't get any infections. Much more likely to get an infection from tampons than pads."

Jay nodded. He hated having the current conversation and knew he was going to hate the next one even more, but he knew he had to do these things if he wanted to petition the court for legal guardianship.

Jay picked up your duffle bag and brought it to the living room and he set the zip-lock bag full of pieces of fabric on top.

"I can't believe we missed this," Will said. "I mean, we're both trained in how to spot abuse and we couldn't even spot it in our little sister."

"There weren't outright signs," Jay said. "No bruising, limping, cuts, burns, nothing like that. And, it's winter, it's easy to hide the weight loss. But, I still agree with you. If we would've spotted it earlier, we could've gotten her out of there."

"I'm pretty sure she's officially underweight now."

Jay ran a hand through his hair and then stood back up. "I'm gonna go put clean sheets on my bed. I'll let Y/N take it tonight so that we can keep talking out here when she goes to sleep."

"Good idea."

A few minutes later, Jay was back on the couch next to Will and you walked out of the bathroom, wearing a baggy t-shirt and some sweatpants that you had to keep pulling up because they were too big on you now, and a pair of fuzzy socks. You were cold all the time now and wanted your hoodie out of your duffle and wanted to put your dirty clothes in there, but when you looked down to the spot where you thought you had put it, it wasn't there.

"Guys?" you asked. "Have you seen my bag?"

You walked over to the kitchen table where your blanket was sitting on the chairs and wrapped that around yourself instead.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you saw your brothers on the couch, your duffle bag in front of them on the floor, and on top, your bag of ripped-up, old underwear that you used as pads when you didn't have any.

"You went through my stuff?" you asked, starting to become angry.

"Y/N," Jay started, "I know you're mad and it was me who went through it and not Will, so don't be mad at him, be mad at me. But, I went through it to see if anything was in there that could help me get you out of dad's house. Permanently."

"You- You want to have custody of me?" you asked.

A small smile appeared on Jay's lips and he nodded. "It wouldn't be considered custody because I'm not your biological parent, it would be considered guardianship, but yes, I want you to stay with me. And, my loan went through for a new apartment, so you'd have your own room and everything."

"Okay."

Jay looked at Will, not wanting to be the one to start this conversation. And, he figured Will would be the best one to start it because he was a doctor.

"Y/N, we need to ask you about these." Will motioned to the zip-lock bag on top of your stuff.

You sat in the loveseat across from them and looked down at your feet.

"It's okay, you're not in trouble," Will continued. "We just want to know how you used them in case you need to get a pelvic exam to check for infections in that area."

Your lip began to tremble as tears started to roll down your cheeks. "I used them as pads," you said quietly. "Dad wouldn't buy me any and I stopped getting them from school because I thought they'd suspect something was wrong if I- if I kept taking them."

"One more question," Will said softly. "I just need to know in case we need to take you in for this. I know you said you used them as pads, but did you ever try and use them as tampons?"

"No. I only used them as pads," you whispered. "I was scared to use them as tampons." You looked up at your brothers, who both had tears in their eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," you rushed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner I was just--" You let out a wail and Jay got up and knelt in front of you.

"Hey, hey, none of this is your fault. Do you hear me? Absolutely none of this is on you. It's all on Dad. Every single bit of it. You are not the one to blame."

You launched yourself into his arms, crying out every emotion you had felt these past few months: anger, frustration, fear, sadness, it was all coming out now.

And, Jay just held you and let you cry it out because that was what your guys' mom used to do for him. And, he knew it worked.

Twenty minutes later, your wails were just quiet whimpers and you pushed yourself back up onto the loveseat, where Will had moved to the spot next to you. He wrapped an arm around you and you leaned into him, craving the comfort that had been denied to you for so long.

"You still have that Twix bar?" you asked.

"All that crying made you hungry, didn't it, Short Stack?" Will asked as Jay got up to retrieve the candy bar from the table.

You nodded.

"Thank you," you said when Jay handed you the Twix bar. You unwrapped it and broke it into the two sticks. "You guys want any?" They both shook their heads: they knew you needed to get as many calories in you as possible.

Jay sighed, he might as well get this hard conversation over with you tonight as well. "Y/N, you can eat as much as you want. I won't say anything about you eating too much, okay?"

You looked up from your candy bar. "You won't call me a burden because I'm eating your food? Like Dad did?"

"He said that?" Will asked, giving Jay a look that read when I see him next, I can't be held accountable for my actions.

"Yeah. One time there were some leftovers he had gotten from a bar and I was so hungry and it was the middle of the night, so I took them out and heated them up. The microwave timer must've woken him up because he came out just as I was about to start eating and then he yelled at me for eating his food and called me a burden."

"Well, we don't think that. Neither Will nor me think that," Jay told you. "And you can eat as much as you want."

You yawned as you crumpled up your Twix wrapper.

"Tired?" Will asked.

"Yeah," you mumbled.

"It's been a long day," Jay said. "You can take my bed."

"Jay, it's your apartment, I can't--"

"Y/N, this isn't up for discussion. I already put clean sheets on the bed for you."

"Is- Is there a fan in your room? I can't sleep without white noise."

"There is. You want me and Will to tuck you in?"

"I'm too old for that." You stood up and Will did, too. "Jay, can you hand me Beary? He should be in my duffle."

"Here you go, kid."

You took your bear and held him loosely in your arm. Then, you enveloped Jay in a hug and did the same for Will.

"I love you guys."

"We love you, too," Will said.

"Now get to sleep. You've still got school in the morning. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Dad sometimes wouldn't be home when I woke up for school. He'd be at a friend's house sleeping off a hangover from the night before or just sleeping."

Jay furrowed his eyebrows. "Doesn't he have to work?"

"He does work, but only a few days a week. The other days, he stays out really late and then comes home either drunk or hungover."

"I see," Jay stated. "Well I won't be doing that, I can promise you that."

"I know. You aren't like Dad. Neither of you are." You yawned again. "I'm going to bed, goodnight."

A few minutes later, you were out like a light and Will was still at Jay's apartment.

"So, Abby called me the other day," Will started. "She's looking for you. Says she's in town for a few days and wants to meet up."

"Oh yeah? She say why?" Jay asked, wondering why his ex-wife--who was the result of a blackout drunk wedding in Vegas, a thing that lasted only 24 hours tops--was in Chicago and was looking for him of all people.

"She said you two are still married."

Jay threw his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."

***

"Morning," Jay said as he stood at the stove flipping some eggs. "Sleep good?"

"I slept really good. Didn't even hear you wake up."

"Fan did the trick then?"

You nodded and grabbed a mug from the cupboard and went to start pouring yourself a cup of coffee.

"Nuh-uh," Jay chirped, putting his hand on the handle of the coffee pot as well.

"Why not? I drank it at Dad's."

Jay raised an eyebrow. "You drank coffee at Dad's?"

"Yeah, on the weekends sometimes that would be my breakfast because it curbs my appetite and there wasn't a lot to eat."

Jay sighed. "Well, you'll have enough to eat here, I can promise you that. And, coffee stunts your growth."

"Jay," you groaned. "I haven't grown since sixth grade."

"Okay, well, then you don't want to become dependent on it at such an early age, then. Come talk to me when you're a legal adult or in college."

"Fine." You let go of the coffee pot and put the mug back in the cupboard.

"You can have juice though." The toast in the toaster popped up and Jay placed the toast on a plate and then put a slice of cheese on each piece and then an egg on top. He also put a small bowl of strawberries next to it. "I'm gonna go get dressed while you eat. And then, once you're ready, I'll take you to school."

"Okay, thanks, Jay."

"You're welcome, kiddo."

You rolled your eyes at the nickname and then went to the fridge to get the apple juice. When you opened the fridge, you saw a brown paper bag with your name on it. Curiosity got the best of you, so you took it out and looked at the contents while you ate your breakfast.

Inside was a ham and Colby jack cheese sandwich with lettuce, pickles, mustard, and mayonnaise, an apple, a coconut-flavored Greek yogurt, celery with peanut butter, and a chocolate chip granola bar. There were also two dollars at the bottom of the bag paperclipped together with a sticky note stuck to the top.

For chocolate milk. ~Jay was what the note read.

Tears sprung to your eyes as you continued to eat your breakfast. You don't remember the last time you brought a lunch to school; you'd always get your lunch for free at school. When you got the paper from school about the free/reduced lunch because teachers noticed you didn't have much to eat, you waited until your dad was hungover and it was early in the morning, and handed him a pen and he signed the paper blindly. And, that's how you got lunch and breakfast at school without any cost to you or your dad.

"Hey, I can just brush my teeth at the kitchen sink if you want the bathroom--" He cut himself off when he saw the tears in your eyes. "What's wrong?"

"You- You made me lunch?" you asked as you turned to face him.

He smiled. "Of course I did. I know how bad cafeteria food can be. And, if it tastes good, it's usually not very good for you."

"Thank you," you said as you wiped a tear away that had rolled down your cheek.

"Aww, hey, don't cry, don't cry. It's okay. You're safe now. You don't need to worry about where your next meal will come from. And, I'm going to petition a judge for legal guardianship in a few days. I just have to have a few conversations with some lawyers."

"Does this mean you have to move? I don't want to kick you out of your apartment."

Jay dismissed that with a wave. "I already put in a loan application for a new apartment. Two bedrooms. Really nice."

"Can you tell me about it? While I finish eating my strawberries."

Jay nodded and sat down in the chair across from you. "It's a two-bedroom, washer, dryer. But, I know you don't care about those things. There's underground parking. It's got a gym, a whole club level, with like a coffee lounge, and all this other stuff."

"That sounds really nice."

"Yeah, it is a pretty nice building. Coffee lounge would be perfect for you to get your homework done if you don't feel like staying in the apartment."

"I thought you said I couldn't drink coffee?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I meant the caffeine in the coffee. Decaf coffee and lattes and tea lattes, that's a different story. I'm sure they have pastries there, too."

"Never pegged you for a coffee snob," you joked.

"You learn a lot about coffee and about a person when you have to get your entire unit coffee. I'll let you in on a little secret: Ruzek's coffee order is the most complicated."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, go finish getting ready. Don't want you being late for school."

***

"Hey, Er, can you meet me at the diner we usually go to?" Jay asked his girlfriend over the phone after he had dropped you off at school.

"Yeah, no problem. Give me fifteen minutes. We haven't caught a case yet, but we should keep our radios on just in case. Everything okay?"

"It's a long story. I'll explain everything in person, okay?"

"Okay," Erin answered skeptically. "I'll see you in a few."

Fifteen minutes later on the dot, Erin walked into the little diner and spotted Jay sitting in the corner booth.

"Alright, what's going on?" she asked after she had ordered her food and some coffee. "You sounded really stressed on the phone."

Jay sighed. "I'm going to fight for legal guardianship of Y/N."

"What? Why? What happened?" Erin asked as she widened her eyes.

"Our dad, he uh, he hasn't really been the greatest. Not keeping food in the house, calling her a burden when she tries to eat some of his food, not buying her products for you know...girl stuff. She's probably lost like 25 pounds since the end of last school year. And, I know that doesn't sound like a lot with the amount of time that's passed, but she's underweight. Will drew some of her blood last night to see if she's deficient in some vitamins or minerals."

"My God."

"Yeah, so, I know we were going to move into your place together, but I need another bedroom and my loan went through at that place I told you about, so I'm going to put an offer in there. You could always move in with me if you want, but I don't know if it would be a good idea for that to happen right away. I just want to get Y/N healthy again. I'm sorry."

"Jay, I get it. She's family. Do you know how you're going to go about this? Did you talk to Voight about taking any time off to sort this out?"

"Not yet. But, I think I'm going to call Antonio and see if he can help me out with getting a meeting with ASA Stone. I know he works criminal cases, but he's gotta know some stuff about family court cases. So, I figured he might be able to help me with this whole process."

"Good idea. If you need any help, just say the word and I'll be there."

Jay smiled. "Thanks, Er." He didn't want to have the conversation he was about to have, but he knew he had to tell her. "There's uh, there's one more thing I need to tell you."

"Okay, what is it?"

"About eight years ago, I was married."

"Excuse me, what? You were married and you didn't tell me?"

Jay knew this was a bad idea...which was why he hadn't wanted to tell Erin, but now that he wasn't officially divorced for whatever reason, he knew needed to tell her. "Just let me explain."

"Yes, please do," Erin sneered.

"Her name's Abby. She ran Cultural Support during my last tour in Kandahar. About a year after I came home, I saw her at a funeral in Vegas. Was... was a guy in our unit, he had redeployed, and, um, he didn't... Um, I was, like, blacking out most nights, and we were both pretty shook up. And, um, we got married." He chuckled at the thought of his twenty-one-year-old self thinking that marriage was a good idea. "It was, like, a 24-hour thing, it was a total joke, and it is long over."

Erin just stared at him, as he waited to be chewed out by her. "Jay, you married this girl. And you never told me, and you were never gonna tell me," was all she said.

"I know. And, I'm sorry. But, I'm meeting up with her in a few days to sign the documents that I thought I'd signed because she's getting married and we need to make the divorce official...even though, in my mind, it's been official for eight years.

"Er, please don't hate me, but with everything going on, with me trying to get guardianship of Y/N and me finding out that I'm somehow still married--"

"You want us to take a break?" Erin asked, finishing his sentence for him.

Jay nodded. "I'm sorry. I just don't think I can juggle a relationship with all this other stuff. And, it's not fair to you."

Erin swallowed. "Well, just tell me if you need any help with Y/N. I'll always be there for you. Relationship or partnership, I'll always have your six."

"And I'll always have yours."

Erin's phone buzzed on the table and she picked it up. "It's Voight. We caught a case."

Jay laid some bills on the table. "Then let's go."

***

"Got the results of Y/N's bloodwork back," Will told Jay over the phone while he had a quick break for lunch...even though it was four o'clock in the afternoon. But, that's the thing about the medical field: breaks are never regular.

"And? Any deficiencies?" Jay asked, walking into his bedroom as you were at the table doing homework and he didn't want to distract you.

"Yes, two actually. Iron and riboflavin. The low iron explains why her periods have become shorter and lighter, but that can also be attributed to how small she is now."

"How do we go about this then?"

"I'll send you a list of foods that have levels high iron and riboflavin. Oh, riboflavin's found in vitamin B by the way."

"Okay, care to tell me what iron and riboflavin do? I know iron helps with hemoglobin and red blood cells, but I have no idea what riboflavin does."

"You're right about iron. I'm shocked. Or, what do the kids say these days? I'm shook."

"I swear to God, please never use that phrase again. And, I know what iron does because I paid attention in high school nutrition class, thank you very much."

"If I remember correctly, I helped you with most of the homework in that class."

"Whatever, you helped me. Now, tell me about riboflavin."

"So, riboflavin just helps convert food into energy and is needed for healthy skin, hair, blood, and a healthy brain." Jay could hear a beeping in the background on Will's end. "Gotta go. I'll send you that list of foods right now, though."

"Thanks, man."

You looked up as Jay came back into the kitchen. "Everything okay?" you asked.

Jay pulled out a chair and sat across from you. "So, I just got off the phone with Will. He got the results from your bloodwork back."

"Is it bad? Am I dying?" You set your pencil down, bracing yourself for bad news.

"No," Jay chuckled, "you're not dying. You just don't have enough iron and riboflavin, which is a specific B vitamin. Will sent me a list of foods that have high levels of those in them. You up for some grocery shopping? We can also grab some multivitamins that have those in them, too, just to help your levels stabilize faster."

"Okay, we can go now. I'm due for a break."

***

"So, some foods that contain riboflavin include milk, eggs, cheese, yogurt, meats, green leafy vegetables, and riboflavin enriched grains and cereals," Jay read off his phone.

"I've had a lot of those today already," you pointed out. "Eggs and cheese with breakfast. I had that yogurt for a snack at school, and I had meat and cheese on my sandwich and I had chocolate milk with my lunch at school."

That was just standard, Jay thought. He wondered what you ate when you were at your Dad's. And, he knew that if he wanted to obtain guardianship of you, he'd need to know these things.

"What did you eat at Dad's?" Jay probed.

"I mean, I barely made it to school on time most mornings because I was trying to be quiet so I didn't wake Dad, which made me move slower when getting ready. So, I'd usually just grab a small thing of dry cereal when I got to school and eat it in my first class. I never checked to see if it was one of the enriched ones. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. There's no way you could've known. Now, what did you usually have for lunch at school?"

"I always tried to get veggies with my lunch, but most of the veggies were the gross canned ones, like canned corn or green beans. I don't like those. Sometimes, they'd have little salads as a side and I'd get those. Sometimes they'd have yogurt parfaits and I'd get those. But, I'd usually go for the pre-made subs, because at least those would have veggies on them...even if it was just lettuce and pickles. I'd usually try to get an apple or banana as my side, too." You paused. "If I was getting meat and cheese from the sub and milk from my chocolate milk, then how am I deficient in this?"

"It's probably because the meat and cheese schools use is so heavily processed that there are little to no vitamins left in it," Jay answered.

"And you know this how?"

"As you get older, you acquire a lot of knowledge and one of those things is that the more processed a food is, the fewer vitamins and minerals are preserved...and I watch a lot of The Food that Built America on the History channel."

"Oh, okay. What foods are on that show?"

"Usually it's about fast food. One episode I watched last week was about ice cream and popsicles and how they came to be in America. Pretty interesting."

"Can we watch an episode tonight? That show sounds good."

"Of course." He paused in front of the fresh produce. "Take your pick. But, just make sure you get some leafy greens for the riboflavin and some fruit and other green veggies for iron."

You picked up a few things such as more apples, a bag of Clementines, bananas, spinach, carrots, and celery, and then, you shocked your brother as you picked up a bag of kale.

"Kale?" he asked. "Didn't know you liked it."

You shrugged. "I heard it tastes kind of like spinach. And, I saw a recipe on Pinterest for a salad that has kale, lemon juice, and dates. Is it okay if we try that?"

"You know, I think that would be the perfect side for dinner tonight. I'll add lemon juice and dates to the list."

"I didn't grab too many fruits and veggies, right?" you asked, not wanting to waste food or your brother's hard-earned money. "I- I can put some back if you want me to."

"Nope, it's all good. We can always freeze the bananas if they go bad for smoothies or banana bread. And, we can always turn the apples into apple sauce. Spinach and kale freeze well, too and you can't even taste them if we put them in smoothies."

"How do you know this stuff?" you asked.

"I used to watch Mom cook a lot when I was little. And, when I moved out on my own, she gave me a copy of a cookbook she always used. Said the recipes at the beginning of the book were simple enough that I wouldn't burn my apartment down."

You laughed at the thought of your mom scolding Jay if his apartment got ruined from his cooking. "Do you still have it?" you asked. "The cookbook, I mean."

"I do."

"Can we make something out of it tonight?"

"You know, I think that's a great idea." He pursed his lips. "How about Mom's chicken pot pie? I think I have some frozen peas and corn in the freezer and we can use the carrots we just grabbed in it, too."

"That sounds really good. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me." Jay paused. He figured now would be as good a time as any to tell you. "Uh, do you remember the day that we got ice cream and went and played soccer with Ben when you were little? The night that Mom went into the hospital?"

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat at the memory of that day.

"Well, she told me to take care of you. There's no way I would break a promise to Mom."

"She said that?"

"Mhmm."

"It's like she knew something was going to happen."

"Mom was a smart lady. Will had to have gotten it from somewhere and he sure didn't get it from Dad."

You laughed. "Hey, you're smart, too. Just not sciency smart. You're more puzzle smart because you put the pieces together of who committed a crime." Jay laughed at your description of his job. "Oh, is the recipe for Mom's garlic mashed potatoes in that cookbook?"

"It is. Want those as a side along with the salad you mentioned?"

"Yes, please...if it's not a problem."

"They're super simple and quick to make." He scribbled on a piece of notebook paper that he had written down a few groceries on, like the salad ingredients you had mentioned. "Alright, potatoes, a rotisserie chicken, and pastry dough have all been added to the list."

***

"I'll be back later tonight, no later than midnight," Jay told you two days later on Sunday night. "I know it's not ideal because you have school in the morning, but try and get some sleep while I'm gone, okay?"

"I'm used to being home alone at night, Jay." You shrugged. "I'll be fine."

"I know, it's just that not something I want you to get used to. Feel free to eat anything you want, cook anything you want. As long as you don't burn down the house, I don't care what you make. Oh, and remember to take your multivitamin before bed."

You rolled your eyes. "I'm fifteen, not five. Now, get going. Don't want you to be late to meet that lawyer."

"Love you. I'll be back by midnight. Lock the door behind me."

"I will. Love you, too."

With that, Jay left his apartment to go meet with ASA Stone and you locked the door behind him as he told you.

***

"So, Antonio told me you have some custody questions," Peter Stone said once he closed the door of his office.

"That's right," Jay replied as he took a seat in front of Stone's desk and turned his phone completely off and Stone took a seat in his chair behind his desk.

"Didn't know you had a kid, Halstead."

"No, I don't actually," Jay chuckled. "I have a kid sister. Name's Y/N and she's fifteen."

"Okay, and why do you want guardianship then?"

"When me and Will, my older brother, were kids, our dad kinda checked out on parenting us when we hit our mid-teens. But, we had our mom around, so it was okay. I went over there the other day because my dad was having some heart issues and I called Will. When I was there, I got a call of a robbery and it was Y/N. She was stealing food from a corner store because our dad wasn't feeding her," Jay explained.

"I see. So, other than her word and her stealing food, do you have any proof of this?"

"I know I should've called DCFS before letting her stay with me, but I couldn't let her stay there a minute longer, Peter. She's lost like 25 pounds in the past six months and she's deficient in both iron and vitamin B."

"Okay, what we have to do is petition for guardianship in front of a judge. I can help you with the documents and I can even represent you at the hearing if you want."

"Wow, yeah, that'd be great. Thank you."

"Anything else you want to tell me about your dad? Any physical or emotional abuse?"

"Not technically, but there is something else." And then Jay launched into all the information you had told him two days ago.

"Okay. And, you know your dad could theoretically press kidnapping charges against you because you took his kid without his permission?"

"I do. But he was basically starving her. No jury would find me guilty."

"I'm not going to argue with you about that one because I agree with you."

"So, do you think I have a chance of getting guardianship over Y/N?"

"In theory, yes. But, most judges like to keep the child with their biological parents. But, seeing as Y/N's fifteen, she does get some say in who she stays with," Stone explained. "When we have a custody or guardianship battle, we use the child's best interest standard. This means that you must prove that you are capable of providing food, clothing, housing, medical care, and a stable home life for Y/N. There will be one or two home visits before appearing before a judge, just to let you know."

"I'm aware of that. And, I just put an offer in on a new apartment with two bedrooms this morning and they're pretty quick in responding, so I should know in the next few days whether or not I got it."

"That's a good start. And you are financially stable to raise her until she turns eighteen, so three more years?"

"I am."

"Alright, let's start on those documents then. Unless you have any more questions for me?"

"I do actually. I, uh, I just found out that I'm technically still married. Something about me not signing the divorce papers even though I specifically remember signing them? And, before you ask, me and this girl served together, we were both twenty-one, going through rough patches and it was a Vegas wedding eight years ago. Lasted no more than twenty-four hours."

"It's really good that you told me this because any good lawyer would find that out when you file for guardianship. It's possible that she didn't co-sign the divorce papers. If that's the reason, I can help you draw up new divorce papers right now."

"Really? You'd help me with that?"

"Of course. A friend of Antonio's is a friend of mine," Stone said as he started typing on his computer. "So, what you can do is you can file for a no-fault divorce."

"You're gonna have to be specific, Stone. I know a bit of criminal law because I've had to testify in criminal cases, but like I said, I don't know family or civil law," Jay said.

"What a no-fault divorce is, Jay, is that you don't have to prove that either of you did anything wrong to get a divorce. All you have to do is state that your marriage is unsalvageable and continue filing for divorce."

"That's it? What if she doesn't sign it?"

"The divorce papers will be served to, uh...what's this girl's name again?" Stone asked.

"Abby."

"Abby. The divorce papers will be served to Abby and she has twenty days to file her response with the court. If she doesn't, then the court rules it as an uncontested divorce and then you're officially divorced."

"Me and Abby are meeting up to talk about all this tonight. But, can we just fill out paperwork for this no-fault divorce just in case things don't go as planned? I just really need to get guardianship of Y/N. The least amount of problems, the better."

"Of course. And if everything goes well with her tonight, then just give me a call and I'll shred the documents."

"Alright, just tell me where to sign."

***

"Wilson is running through the showers wearing nothing but a Kevlar vest, right?" Jay reminisced on the good parts of his Ranger days with Abby at a bar around 8:30 that night after his meeting with Peter Stone.

"Well, the lieutenant said, all outdoor activities to be conducted in body armor." Jay laughed at Abby's rendition of their lieutenant's voice. "Do you remember, he had his girlfriend's name tattooed on his ass?"

Jay set his empty drink down on the bar. "Did he tell you that was his girlfriend? That was his dog's name," Jay laughed.

"That actually makes more sense," Abby said. "I could go for another one of these."

"I, um, I shouldn't."

"Gotta get back to the barracks?"

"No, I uh gotta get back to my little sister, actually. I'm looking after her at the moment. It's a long story. Do you have the papers?"

"I, uh, I don't have them."

"Abby."

"It's just, I never told you. Even that crazy day we got married, I never told you that I loved you, Jay. It didn't feel right. But, I loved you, Jay. I do love you."

Jay sighed. "Abby, you deserve everything good. I'm just not the guy that's gonna give that to you." He brushed her hair to the side and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

After putting some money on the bar to pay for the drinks and tip the bartender, he left the bar. Guess he was going to need these no-fault divorce documents, anyway.

He was almost to his car when he heard someone calling his name. And, it was a voice he knew all too well.

"Erin?" he shouted as she came closer. "What are you doing here?"

"Would it kill you to turn on your phone? You need to get to the district. Now."

"What? Why? What's wrong?"

She got in his passenger seat. "Just drive. I'll explain on the way."

***

You were sitting on Jay's bed reading a book when you heard a knock on the door.

Slowly, you got off his bed and made your way out of his room. You took a knife out of the knife block, but you hoped you wouldn't need to use it. Jay would've told you if someone was planning on stopping over. And, if it was Will, he would've given you a heads-up.

The knocking got louder and more aggressive. "Jayson! Open this door! I have the right to see my daughter!"

Dad.

With the knife still in hand, you backed up and then, once on the carpet, ran back into Jay's room and quietly shut the door and locked it. You pulled out your phone and tried Jay. It went straight to voicemail. The pounding was getting louder. You tried Will. It went straight to voicemail because he was on shift. You thought you heard your dad starting to kick the door now instead of just pounding on it with his fists. You tried the last person you thought could help.

"Y/N?" Erin asked as she answered her phone and paused the tv show she was watching.

"Erin," you whispered. "I'm scared. I need help."

"You need help? Can you tell me why?"

"My dad, he's- he's here. He's looking for me." You heard a crash.

"Jay? Y/N? I know one of you is in here!"

"I- I think he just broke down the apartment door. Please help."

"Okay, okay, here's what you're going to do. I want you to hide somewhere and I'm going to call a patrol car over there right now. You're going to turn your phone on silent and I'm going to call you right back," she told you.

"Okay," you whispered as quietly as you could.

"I'll call you back in one minute tops."

You moved as quietly as you could with the knife and your phone still in your hands and opened Jay's closet door. You buried yourself behind the two garment bags that contained Jay's police blues and his military dress uniform, hoping against hope that your dad wouldn't find you.

Your phone lit up and it was Erin. You answered.

"Y/N, the officers will be there soon. I don't want you to talk. Just know that I'm on the phone with you."

At the same time, as she was talking to you over speakerphone, she was texting the team. She assumed you couldn't reach Jay or Will since you had called her. She told them what was happening and that a few of them needed to get to the district because they needed to find Jay's location. She also told Voight to get ahold of Sharon Goodwin so she could notify Will of what was currently happening.

"Chicago PD! Put your hands where we can see them!" you heard from your hiding place.

"See?" Erin said. "I told you that you'd be okay. I told them that you were hiding, so if someone opens the door, it's just an officer."

Just after she said that the closet door opened.

You squeaked.

"It's okay. You're safe," the officer said. "We're just going to take you down to the district. You're safe."

You peeked out from your hiding place and you saw the blues of the officers. You slowly made your way out and followed the officer out to the patrol car, the one that didn't house your dad for a breaking and entering charge at the moment.

***

"Where is she?" Jay yelled as he entered the district.

Platt just pointed to the bench next to one of the offices where you were sitting, staring at the floor, with a police jacket draped over your shoulders.

He sunk to his knees in front of you. "Are you hurt? Did Dad hurt you? Did he put his hands on you in any way?"

You shook your head.

"Oh thank God."

"I was so scared," you whispered. "When you and Will didn't answer, I thought he was gonna get me."

"I'm sorry. I turned off my phone when I talked to ASA Stone, and I forgot to turn it back on. I'm so sorry. C'mere."

You all but fell off the bench and into Jay's arms. "Is he going to jail? I don't want him going to jail."

"He was drunk out of his mind. I can ask not to press charges, though."

"Please. He needs help."

Although Jay didn't say it, he knew you were right. Jails and prisons didn't rehabilitate, they just taught criminals how to be better criminals. He knew that his dad needed rehab, a twelve-step program, anything.

"Okay, I won't press charges. But, I think we're gonna need to stay with Will for the night because our door's broken. What do you say we run home and grab some clothes to bring to Will's? And, since Dad will be here for a little longer, we can run to his house and get more of your stuff. Sound like a plan?"

"Can we get Dairy Queen on the way to Will's?"

"We sure can."

***

"I- I don't think any of these dresses will fit me anymore. They look way too big," you said to Jay as the two of you unpacked a bunch of your stuff in the guest room of Jay's new apartment. You wanted to think of it as the guest room for now instead of calling it your room just in case Jay wasn't awarded guardianship. You didn't want to get too attached.

Jay sighed. He figured you were right. He would see if Erin could take you, but their relationship was on the backburner right now. And, Erin had some stuff with Bunny she had to work out after she had brought her that pearl bracelet and said that she might be leaving Chicago. So, now wasn't really the right time for him to be bugging Erin about going shopping with you. And, he couldn't ask Kim because she was taking some furlough after finding her sister brutally sodomized after a night out.

He thought about asking Will if Nina could come, but he didn't think that those two were too happy with each other at the moment since Will hadn't told Nina about their dad being in the hospital and she had to find out from Natalie. Not Will's greatest moment.

He racked his brain for more women he knew.

Then it hit him: Gabby.

Yes, they had briefly dated, but that was five years ago. She was married now and his feelings for her were completely gone. They were civil with each other when they saw each other in the field and would chat when Gabby showed up at the district to pick up Eva or Diego.

"How about you try a few on after we finish unpacking, and then if none of them really fit, I can give Gabby a call and see if she'll take you shopping while I work on unpacking the rest of the house," Jay suggested.

"Okay. Will's gonna be over after his shift to help though, right?" you asked.

"He better be. He said he would. If he doesn't come, he better have a really good excuse."

"You can't unpack the kitchen without me," you told him.

"Why not?"

"I can't have you putting the glasses and other stuff on high shelves because I wanna reach them without having to climb on the counter."

"Okay, fine. I'll keep your short little height in mind while I unpack." He paused. "Do you want to get those fancy word stickers for your room for one of the walls?"

"Decals? And, it's not my room yet."

"Listen, after that stunt Dad pulled at my old apartment, Stone is 99.9% positive that I'll be granted guardianship. We just have to jump through all the hoops first."

"Like the home checks?"

"Like the home checks," he confirmed.

"What do I say in court?" you asked a few minutes later as you were putting the pillows on your freshly made bed.

"You just tell the truth," he answered.

"Will you be in there with me?"

"No, I won't. Stone said that usually in these cases you talk to the judge by yourself so that you can't be intimidated by either of the people who are fighting for custody or guardianship."

"So you won't be there? Will won't be there?"

"Will will be out in the hall and I will be in a different room. I'll be in like a witness room, where they make witnesses of a crime wait so that their testimony isn't swayed by what the other people are saying on the stand. But, me and Dad will be in the courtroom at the same time, just so I can see what he'll be saying."

"And, I'll be in there then, too?"

"Yes."

"What kind of questions do they ask me?"

"Stone said that since you're older, you get a say in who you stay with, so they'll ask you questions like who've you known the longest, who you feel safest with, who you want to live with, etc."

"Will they ask me questions about Dad? Like how he didn't give me food and how he broke into your apartment?" you asked.

"They will," Jay confirmed. "But, Stone will be in there for those questions just in case he needs to object to something."

"So the only time I'll be alone with the judge is when they're asking me the first few questions? Like who I feel safest with?"

"Exactly. Now, do you need help putting these books on the top shelf of your bookshelf?"

***

"Hey, how was your day?" Jay asked as he came home from work that afternoon. It was a shock that he was home by 5 pm, but you had a big day tomorrow. Not only was tomorrow Friday, it was the day you and Jay had to go to court to see if he would be awarded guardianship of you.

"We've got a problem," you stated.

"Um, I can try to help you with it, but let me go put my gun away first."

While he was doing that, you pulled out the slip of paper and the note that Gretchen Cunningham had written, saying that she wouldn't allow you to make up the test you would be missing because you had to go to court.

"Alright, what's the problem?" Jay asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Cunningham. She's the problem...as always."

You handed him the papers and he read them over. "Yeah, this isn't going to fly. She doesn't need a judge's signature to allow you to take the test. I'll talk to the school tomorrow morning when I call to tell them you'll be absent."

"I hate her," you groaned. "She's so mean. And, I know what you're gonna say. You have to deal with people you don't like. But, she lost one of my assignments and told me I didn't turn it in and couldn't re-do it!"

"Well did you?" Jay asked. "Turn it in, I mean."

"Jay!"

He put his hands up in a sign of surrender. "I'm just saying, could be your fault."

"Yes, I turned in the stupid assignment. And, she paired me up with the stupidest kid in the class and told me to do well on this assignment because he needed a good grade to pass. It's not my fault he's failing! Don't put his grade on me, lady!"

"And she wouldn't let you re-do it?"

"Nope. But it's fine. I'm still getting an A. That might change if she doesn't let me take this test, though."

"It's like deja-vu from my freshman year all over again. Why doesn't she retire already? She's like 100."

"Or they could fire her," you quipped. "Or I could switch classes."

"I'll see what I can do. Who's the other history teacher?"

"Um, Miss Hedge."

"Hedge? As in Jayne Hedge?"

"Yeah, it's actually her. Why? Do you know her?"

"Yes he does," Will said as he entered Jay's apartment. "In fact, they went to freshman snowcoming together."

"How did you even get in here?" Jay asked, turning around to look at his older brother.

"For a cop, you're not that smart. You didn't lock the door behind you."

"I don't lock my door when I'm still awake. And, seriously? You just had to tell Y/N that, didn't you?"

"You guys can't just leave me hanging now. Tell me the story!"

"Fine," Jay grumbled and Will just laughed and sat down at the table, too. "I met her at school, obviously. She was on the freshman basketball team and I had winter weight training for the soccer team. I thought she was pretty and she was really smart, too. And, I knew that a bunch of the girls went to get Taco Bell after practice, so me and some of my friends decided to go, too."

"There used to be a Taco Bell close to school?" you asked. If there was, you'd never seen it before.

"It got torn down just after I graduated," Jay answered. "Anyway, we went to Taco Bell and I started talking to her and we talked a lot after practice. I'd walk her home sometimes. Then, I asked her to snowcoming and she said yes."

"So, why'd you guys break up? I know you dated Allie in high school."

"We realized we were better off as friends." Jay shrugged.

"And he realized he liked Allie more," Will added.

"Yeah, that too."

Will set a big bag of takeout on the table.

"Seriously?" Jay asked. "I thought we weren't going to do this that much anymore so we can get Y/N's vitamin and mineral levels stabilized."

"I'm sure she'd appreciate the break from your mundane meals," Will said. "And, I got us all side salads to go with the burgers instead of fries, so calm down." Jay gave him a look. "Fine, I got the side salads along with the fries. But, they're made out of potatoes, so they're technically a vegetable."

"For a doctor, you don't know much about nutrition, do you? And, my meals are not mundane."

"Dude, you'd have chicken, spaghetti, or grilled cheese every night."

"Not every night, just a lot of nights when I'd get home from the district late. I'll have you know me and Y/N have been making really good diners lately. Wanna tell Will what we made last night for dinner, Short Stack?"

"We made this really good pasta. We used Orzo, which looks like rice, but it's pasta. And we made a sauce out of tomatoes, onions, and orange juice. It was supposed to be lemon juice, but Jay didn't have any. We put chicken sausage in it for protein...and spices of course," you told Will.

"That actually sounds really good. Wow, Jay cooking every night, not something I expected."

"I like it," you said. "And, he lets me play whatever music I want when we cook."

Will rolled his eyes. You had Jay so wrapped around your finger that he'd do almost anything for you. Will didn't think he himself was that bad, but deep down, he knew he'd do anything for you, too...despite not being in Chicago as long as Jay had been.

***

"So I got a call from Stone this morning," Jay said around 11:30 that night when he and Will were sitting on the couch, each nursing a beer.

Will set his beer down on the coffee table in front of him. "And?"

"And, as of yesterday at midnight, I am officially divorced from Abby. Turns out, they served her the papers and, since she didn't sign them and it had been twenty days, it turned into an uncontested, no-fault divorce."

"Congrats, man. Might've been eight years too late, but you're a free man now."

"Amen to that. And it came at just the right time."

"Yeah," Will agreed. "You nervous for tomorrow?"

"Not really. More nervous for Y/N than anything. I've testified in criminal cases, so I kinda know how this goes, but she hasn't. And, before me and Dad go in to plead our cases, she has to talk to the judge all by herself. I just wish one of us could be in there with her."

Will nodded. "Know what they're going to ask you?"

"I know what Stone's going to ask me because we prepped, but I have no idea what Dad's lawyer is going to ask me. Pretty sure he's got just a public defender, though. Hopefully, that works in my favor."

"Not always, man," Will disagreed. "The public defenders who do these cases only do these cases. They've had a lot of practice."

"You really know how to make me feel better, thanks," Jay replied sarcastically.

"Rather have you hear it from me before the case than someone else after. Are you going to get cross-examined?"

"Probably. Don't know what they're going to ask me though because it's a cross. Stone set up some sample questions for me to answer with him to practice, but I'm going in blind. I'm used to it though because I've testified before. But, this feels like my biggest case."

"Because it probably is."

"Are you talking about tomorrow?" you asked as you quietly padded across the floor towards the living room.

"Y/N? What are you doing up? It's almost midnight," Jay pointed out.

"I- I know. But I couldn't sleep. I'm scared. What if I have to go back to Dad's? What if they find neither of you fit and I have to go into foster care?"

Jay patted the empty spot on the couch next to him and you sat down. "We just have to trust the system. That's all we can do."

"I know, but I can't sleep. And I'm so tired."

"I have an idea," Jay started and stood up, "stay here."

"I'm gonna go look for some melatonin," Will said after a few minutes of you two just sitting in silence. "I think Jay still has some for nights that he can't sleep."

Will was still rummaging around Jay's cabinets when Jay came back with a big black box with some cords and a cardboard box balanced against his hip.

"The hell is that?" You quickly covered your mouth when you realized you had sworn. "Sorry."

"It's okay. And, to answer your question, this is VCR. And, I have a bunch of videotapes in this box." He turned from you to face the kitchen, where Will was still opening and closing cabinets. "Will? What are you doing?"

"Looking for melatonin for Y/N. You got any?"

"First of all, it's so late that if you give it to her now, she'll sleep through her alarm and we can't be late for court tomorrow. And, second of all, I keep it in the medicine cabinet in my bathroom."

Will closed the cabinet and made his way back to the couch to sit next to you as Jay started to hook up the VCR to the tv. "Uh, Jay," Will began, "you know it's a little late for a movie right? And, I should get going in like half an hour?"

"We're not watching a movie. I recorded a bunch of the Blackhawks playoff games on one of these and I thought Y/N'd like to watch the 2010 Stanely Cup final series against the Flyers. Or, we could watch the final series against the Bruins when they won the cup last year."

"Let's watch the 2010 one," you said. "I don't think I watched it because I wasn't into watching hockey as much as I am now."

"And you have Jay to thank for that," Will pointed out.

"You can record things on there? Like an old-school DVR?" you asked.

"God, now I feel old," Will groaned. "Wait until she learns about floppy disks."

"Floppy what now?"

"Nevermind. Only 80s-90s kids would get it."

"We get it. You guys are millennials."

"Got it!" Jay exclaimed as he popped the videotape into the VCR and it started playing. "Now, shut up so we can relive this, Will."

You fell asleep before you even reached the end of the first period.

***

You rubbed your eyes and then looked around you to notice that you were still on the couch. You craned your neck to see the time on the oven on the other side of the open concept kitchen and living room and saw that it was 5:45 am. Jay was at the gym now. And, you knew you wouldn't be able to fall back asleep because you were already starting to worry about the rest of the day. You had to be in court at 8:30 and had to be talking to a judge at 9:00, the judge that would determine who you would be living with, which would inevitably determine your future.

God, you were thinking just like the teachers talked about the SATs, how if you didn't get a good grade on that standardized test that your future would be ruined.

You stood up and stretched and then went back to your room to grab the book you were currently reading. Then, you turned on a few lamps and grabbed a yogurt and fruit from the fridge, along with a glass of orange juice. After wrapping yourself in a blanket, you started to eat and read, hoping that that would keep your mind from wandering and worrying at least until Jay got back from the gym.

Half an hour later, Jay unlocked the apartment door and walked inside, confused as to why you were awake. It was only 6:15 and he had told you just to be up by 6:45.

"What are you doing awake, Short Stack?" he asked as he grabbed a banana from the bowl on the counter.

"I woke up at about 5:45 and I couldn't fall asleep. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to worry about. I just want you as well-rested for today as possible. You have your dress all ready? Know what shoes you're going to wear?"

"Jay," you whined. "I picked all of that out last night because you told me to."

"Just didn't want you to have to rush. I can turn the game back on for you so you can watch it until you have to start getting ready?"

You nodded and Jay came over and fiddled with the tv and the remote, going back to the middle of the first period where he thought you had fallen asleep.

"Okay, I'm gonna take a shower. Will said he'll be here around 7:45. Oh, and you can take that history test when you get back on Monday, in Miss Hedge's class."

You smiled. "Okay." Then, you turned your attention back to the hockey game.

***

You widened your eyes as you stood in the second bathroom getting ready. You had gotten dressed (into a navy blue, lacey dress that ended just above the knee that you had bought with Gabby a few days ago), washed your face, brushed your teeth, did your makeup, but now you were cursing yourself for being so stupid. You had no way of doing your hair. You didn't have a straightener here. And, your typical ponytail or bun wasn't going to cut it for court.

"Jay!" you yelled as you exited the bathroom and knocked on his bedroom door.

He opened it as he was tying his tie. "Yeah? Everything okay?"

"I don't have a straightener! I can't do my hair and if I wear my hair like I usually do then it will look bad on you and--"

"Hey, hey, calm down. We've still got over 45 minutes before we have to leave. I'll give Gabby a call and see if she's not on shift and can let you borrow hers."

You sighed the biggest sigh of relief. "Thank you."

Five minutes later, Jay knocked on the bathroom door as you were brushing your hair. "Gabby will be here in ten."

"Oh thank God."

***

"Thank you!" you exclaimed ten minutes later as you opened the door, revealing Gabby with her hair straightener. And, behind her, was Casey.

"No problem. Just tell me if you're not used to it and need help."

You took it from her. "No, I should be good. Thanks, though. C'mon in. I'm pretty sure Jay's around here somewhere."

They came into the apartment while you ran off to find Jay.

You knocked on his bedroom once more and he opened it, this time completely ready for the day. "Gabby and Casey are here," you told him.

"Casey's here?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yeah. I think he just came with Gabby."

"Okay. Go fix your hair. I'll go talk to them."

Twenty minutes later, you were finished and slipping your shoes on when you heard a knock on the apartment door. "I got it, Y/N!" Jay yelled.

Well, I hoped you would because you're closer to the door than me, you thought to yourself.

Jay opened the door, and since it was exactly 7:45, he was expecting to just see Will. But, what he saw both shocked him and made him want to cry from appreciation at the same time.

Standing next to Will was Natalie and behind them was all of Intelligence and Trudy Platt and Mouch, all of Squad 3 and Truck 81 (minus Casey because he was inside), Sylvie Brett, Chief Boden, April, Maggie, Dr. Rhodes, Dr. Charles, Reese, and Noah.

"You're all here for the court case?" Jay asked, stunned.

"Well, Natalie has to testify about Y/N's deficiencies and weight loss, but yeah. It's better if the court sees that the person trying to get guardianship has a ton of support. So, I figured I'd call in reinforcements...even though I'm pretty sure my big personality is enough."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Your big ego maybe." He paused, not knowing how he was going to fit everyone in his apartment even if it was bigger than his last one. "However many of you guys can fit inside, can come in. Um, some of you might just need to meet us at the courthouse--"

"Jay, they just came now so you could see how many people were behind you. They're just gonna meet you there. Except for me. I'm driving you two." Jay furrowed his eyebrows. They didn't talk about this. "I'll explain later."

"Gabby," you said as you walked out of the bathroom. "Can you--" you stopped as you saw everyone outside Jay's apartment.

"They're all here for you and Jay," Gabby explained as she stood up. "And, you can't cry because it'll smear your makeup, so hold back the tears."

You nodded as you held them back. "Can you, uh, check the back of my hair to make sure I got it all straight?" you asked.

"Two spots are still a bit wavy. Let's go fix it so you can get going."

A few minutes later, Gabby had fixed your hair and everyone besides Will and Jay had left and were on their way to the courthouse. You slipped on a pair of black ballet flats and your coat.

Will had explained that the reason he was driving was that if Jay didn't get guardianship, he didn't want him driving in such a distressed state. Will had worked on so many patients who were in car accidents due to their emotional state and he didn't want Jay to be one of them.

"Ready?" Jay asked you.

"As ready as I'll ever be," you said as you wiped your sweaty palms on your dress.

"All you have to do is tell the truth."

***

You thought you'd be comfortable inside a courtroom because of the crime dramas you'd seen. But, standing inside one was very different from watching a fictional tv show.

No one but you, the judge, the court reporter, Peter Stone, and your dad's lawyer could be in the room for this next part, so everyone was either in a witness room or waiting outside in the hallway for the go-ahead to be let in. You would be allowed to be in the courtroom while they were talking to Jay and your dad, but they wouldn't be able to be in the room when you talked to the judge...for obvious reasons, such as influencing what you would say.

"All rise."

You stood up next to Stone as the judge, who you now knew as Judge Callahan, entered the room.

Once you sat down, you were called to the stand. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?" you were asked as you placed your hand on the Bible.

"I do," you answered.

"Alright, please allow Miss Halstead on the witness stand," Judge Callahan said. "Now, I'm just going to ask you a few questions. All you have to do is answer them. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand."

"Okay, first question: Has your father, Pat Halstead, ever hit you or physically abused you in any way?"

"No," you answered.

"Has he ever neglected to give you necessities, such as food, water, clothing, or shelter?"

"Yes."

"Can you please elaborate?"

You did. You explained how your dad never had food in the house and would yell at you and call you a burden if you tried to eat his leftovers.

"Is it true that your father tried to break into your brother's house to get you?" Judge Callahan asked.

"Yes."

"Who do you feel safest with?"

"My brother, Jay Halstead."

"Who would you prefer to live with?"

"Jay Halstead."

***

Jay sat on the witness stand. He had answered all of Stone's questions, including all of the questions about him finding you stealing, what you had been using for pads, and what he had been told that you had been eating at your dad's house. Natalie had testified about your physical well-being, weight loss, and iron and riboflavin deficiencies. But now, it was time for Jay's cross-examination. And, he sure as hell didn't expect this next question to be asked.

"Mr. Halstead," your dad's lawyer began, "you previously said, and I quote, that your dad clocked out on parenting you and your older brother, Will, when you were in your teens, around when you started high school. Can you elaborate on that?"

"Objection!" Stone yelled. "Relevance?"

"Speaks to a pattern."

"I'll allow it," Judge Callahan said. "Please answer the question, Mr. Halstead."

Jay nodded. "He clocked out on parenting me and Will because he said that were essentially grown men at this point in our lives, we didn't need him cheering us on or him helping us. He didn't come to a single one of my soccer games in high school. And, if by some miracle we went out for ice cream or something just me, my brother, and my dad, he wouldn't pay for ours. Said we were old enough to pay for ourselves.

"But, we had our mom. She came to all our games and school events. She made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If she wasn't there, I don't know what would've happened to me and Will. My dad didn't even want me to go into the military and didn't want Will to go to medical school. He said a real man went right to work. The only time I felt loved by him in all my teenage years was when I left for the military. It was like because he knew I might die over there that he figured he'd say he loved me one last time."

"Redirect, your honor," Stone said. Judge Callahan nodded at Stone. "You said that your mom made you and your brother lunch. Are you doing that for Y/N?"

"Objection! Relevance?"

"Speaks to Mr. Halstead's abilities as a parent."

"I'll allow it. Please answer the question."

"I actually do," Jay answered. "I make her a packed lunch to bring to school every day and I'm sure to add foods high in iron and riboflavin to help those levels stabilize quicker. The first time I packed her a lunch, she actually cried because she hadn't gotten a lunch from home in so long."

"Thank you."

"Mr. Halstead," your dad's lawyer started, "you were previously deployed overseas in Afghanistan for two tours of duty. While I thank you for your service, is it possible that you could have PTSD and hurt Y/N in the middle of the night?"

"I would never hurt her!"

"While you are fully conscious, maybe. But, while you are in a sleep-addled state, isn't it possible that you might think that the person waking you up is an enemy soldier and not your little sister?"

Jay sighed. No one knew this about him, not you, not Will, not his dad. No one. And now all of his family and closest friends were going to know since they were in the courtroom watching this entire thing unfold.

"I am on Prazosin for nightmares caused by my PTSD," Jay answered.

"And how long have you been on this medication?"

"For about two years."

"And this has helped you manage your nightmares?"

"Yes, very much so."

"No further questions."

***

"Jesus, Jay," Will said after you had watched your dad's testimony on why he should get to keep you. It was the usual: how he was your father, so, therefore, he deserved to keep taking care of you and it's what your mother would've wanted...despite her telling Jay to keep you safe before she died. They already had the responding officers testify about the break-in, so he couldn't deny that and he was under oath, so if anyone found out he lied, then your dad would be held in contempt.

"I'm sorry I never told you, man," Jay said. "I just, I thought of it as weak that I couldn't deal with my own shit." He grimaced when he realized he had sworn around you. "Sorry, Y/N."

"It's okay. I hear that stuff at school."

"I'm just upset you didn't tell me they were getting that bad, Jay," Will lamented. "I know I wasn't there for you a lot after Mom died, but I'm here now."

Jay nodded, and Will knew he didn't want to talk about the topic anymore. You looked through the little window into the courtroom and saw that the judge was coming back from her chambers.

"Guys, I think she's made a decision," you said nervously.

"Whatever happens, me and Jay will be there for you," Will promised.

All you could do at this point was nod, as a lump was forming in your throat from all your nerves.

Jay led you back into the courtroom and you sat at the front, between Jay and Will. You wiped your sweaty palms on your dress and Jay gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Judge Callahan stood up.

"By using the child's best interest standard of who can provide food, clothing, housing, education, medical care, and a stable home life for Y/N Halstead, I declare Mr. Jay Halstead the legal guardian of Y/N Halstead."

You could've sworn that you stopped breathing the second she said Jay's first name. You were so overwhelmed that you just turned to him and started crying as he wrapped an arm around you while he listened to the judge state your dad's visitation rights.

But, you didn't hear any of that. The only phrase that kept repeating in your head was I declare Mr. Jay Halstead the legal guardian of Y/N Halstead over and over again.

Now, you knew that you'd always have the necessities when you lived with Jay. You wouldn't have to worry about where your next meal was going to come from or if your dad would be out until 3 am drinking. You wouldn't have to worry about having access to tampons or pads and not be embarrassed anymore to ask for some from school if you forgot to put any in your backpack that day. But most of all, you knew that you would be loved and cared for.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Did I make anyone cry with this one??? The blood draw scenario was actually based on when I had to go and get my blood drawn the other day and thought I was going to pass out, which is why that scene was so long. Anyway, thank you again for reading, and please reblog/like and comment and tell me what you think! As always, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e

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austarus · 4 years

Text

Harry Wells x Reader Crisis of Infinite Wells (Part 3 of 5)

**A/N: The picture/edit/gif does not belong to me. It belongs to @countlesswells

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5

*Yes, I know this is super late, but I had so many exams and deadlines shifted due to the transition online. Didn’t help that finals were around the corner either. But I’m back, and hopefully I can make things right with my fics, especially with the fact that we’re not going to get the Alls Wells That Ends Wells episode this season thanks to Ms. Rona (Please don’t come after me T.T). Anywho, this ended up being super, SUPER, long and I have no regrets. I feel that we need this series more than ever. If you already haven’t make sure to check out Part 1 and 2. Don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment, I read them all!

Word Count: 6601

You took in a deep breath, simultaneously opening your eyes to find yourself being hovered over by Caitlin and Cisco

“There’s our sleeping beauty,” Cisco jokes, grinning at you before running back over to the monitors to get a screwdriver.

“Mm, it’s too bright here.” You winced and blinked a few times as your brain had finally registered the bright lights of the Speed Lab. Rubbing your face a few times, you moved slowly to sit up. Stretching your aching body, you cracked a few bones and let out a little noise in contentment. Eyes looking around for a bit, you saw that the Mindscape Machine was still out, and that Cisco had hooked you and Nash onto it. Nash was still knocked out on another bed though because of the sedation. He looked peacefully asleep, as if the weight of his expeditions and the murmurings at the back of his head were gone. He should be coming back soon, I hope.

Cisco noticed where your gaze had gone before grabbing your attention, “Cecile had to go back home to feed a fussy little baby Jenna and Joe, so we ended up resorting to the Mindscape Machine. Went smooth sailing, thanks to our very own resident genius engineer, no thanks needed. All in a good day’s work.”

“I figured when you chimed in saying that we needed to go to the Nexus of Nash’s mind to get out.” You pointed out.

“Nash should be waking up in an hour or so, he’ll be fine I promise. How are you feeling?” Caitlin asked softly as she checked you over for any sign of abnormalities before removing the wires from your head.

“Cold,” goosebumps were already breaking out through your body as a shiver goes down your spine. “Really cold, Caity. Can’t you STAR Labs techies afford heat or something?” You joked, watching a look of fake hurt cross Ciscito’s face, a hand automatically over his heart.

“Dude, it’s like beautiful outside and what am I doing? I was stuck in here babysitting Princess Aurora and Pebble Brain over there until you guys came back to reality. You’re welcome for that, by the way,” Cisco made a face, pointing towards the direction of Nash’s unconscious body with a screw driver before walking back to where you sat, “while fixing these bad boys up,” the mechanical genius gestures dramatically to the tech in the room. “Meanwhile, Barry and Not-Mirror-Iris are on a picnic date in Central City Park enjoying the sunny weather. One which I wanted to do with Not-Mirror-Kamilla first.”

You and Caitlin just giggled at Cisco’s dramatics. Caitlin gave you the ‘all clear’ that your neural functions were still working and that you should be coordinated within your own body.

“So, Persephone,” You rolled your eyes at the nickname and shook your head at the two. Cisco had basically dubbed you and Harry that even before you had gotten together. In secret of course, or else Harry would start throwing things at him for dropping obvious hints of his feelings towards you. It’s at least so much better than Romeo and Juliet because in all honesty, they had a tragic love story and that is something that my love life does not need. More tragedy, internal pain, and suffering. “Did you see your Hades again?”

“I did, yeah.” A soft smile crossed your lips as your mind replays the interaction, your cheeks dusting the lightest color of pink. Your gaze dropped down a bit as Cisco and Caitlin started going “Ooooooo” as if high school gossip girls wanting you to spill the beans while giving you that one look you know all too well. You didn’t have the heart to tell them to stop.

“How is he?” Caitlin asked while Cisco nodded, wanting to know if his friend’s okay.

“He’s good,” you responded with a smitten grin, and then made a little sheepish face. “They’re all good.”

“They?-” Caitlin frowned as she slowly asked with a raised eyebrow.

“-Excuse me? They?” Cisco had a look mixed with dumbfoundedness and disbelief. His mouth slightly open as you saw his mind comprehending that simple sentence. You just nodded with a slightly sheepish grimaced expression. “You-”

“-had to meet the entire Council of Wells and propose to them the Multi-Dimensional idea that could possibly save them all because my boyfriend and a select few of his pals convinced me to since apparently the Wells men tend to have lots of arguments and so they also tend to never get things done sometimes. Yeah. That happened.” You quickly rambling how you met the infinite Council of Wells and then slowed down at the latter sentence with a nod. Cisco and Caitlin were stunned in place as they had tried to keep up with every single word that you said. Before they could even say anything, you spoke up once again as you got off the bed to stand on wobbly legs. “Did I mention that Harry, Sherloque, and Wolfgang are the triumvirate lead of the Council and that Sonny’s their hype man, apparently? I did not ever see that happening.” You ran a hand through your hair, “I have seen things. Standing in a huge lecture-ish mental room in Nash’s mind filled with doppelgangers of Harrison Wells is something I just cannot unsee.”

“No, you can’t.” Cisco added in agreement, his arms crossed. “You met all of them?”

“I mean, sorta. I mainly just stood at the front where the Wells triumvirate take their spots to start their meetings. Ok, so like you know the Galactic Senate from Star Wars where Palpatine and Padme were in?”

“Hell yeah, I do. What do you take me for an uncultured swine?”

“So, like, the layout of the room was sorta styled like that.” Cisco looked slightly mind blown because Star Wars obviously. You located your leather jacket and put it on to have some layer against the cool wind of the AC. “How’s everything coming with the modifications?”

Cisco and Caitlin look at each other before Frost took over for a bit, “I think this is the part where we tell you that they’ve sorta hit a roadblock.”

“Perfect,” you deadpanned, with a slight pain reverberating at the back of your head. I need some coffee, you thought before collecting your things and giving Nash one last glance.

***

I jinxed myself when I told Cisco that I could handle this. Handle them and their stupidity. A frown plastered itself onto Nash’s face, his head throbbing at the legit argument going on at the back of his head. What about? Who the hell knows or cares? Rubbing his face then his temples when the headache started to radiate to the front, the dark-haired explorer let out another annoyed groan as a doppelganger started yelling to contribute to the argument. I have never been more annoyed at the sound of my voice. Nash’s been trying to mentally block them so he himself can think things out, but collectively it hasn’t been succeeding. His heavy footsteps carried him to the Med Bay, thankful that no one was here at this ungodly hour to see him like this. I need an icepack and multiple pills of aspirin. Nash snorted when a mental image of you scolding him for the number of pills he might take to ease the pain was conjured in his mind. You entertained him, is what he told himself, just like the rest of them.

As he entered the Med Bay, the door creaked and the dim lights from the labs allowed him to see a faint silhouette on the bed. Nash raised an eyebrow as he crept slowly towards the bed, gauntlet at the ready.

“Well, speak of the devil,” he whispered to no one in a low voice, forgetting about the throbbing and disgruntled voices in his head. Nash disengaged his gauntlet. On the bed, you were curled up with a thin blanket, clearly still cold, but sound asleep at this hour. Curled up like a kitten and cuddled up to a pillow. Nash’s blue eyes wandered to what’s beside you, seeing multiple papers messily put together and various binders littering the bed. Due to the dimness, he couldn’t really make out any of the writings on the paper at this angle, but the Wells doppelganger can only assume that they’re medical files for Barry and the others.

Nash’s blue gaze snapped back to you when you emitted a small noise as you shuddered. He didn’t know why, but he made a beeline for the cabinets and closets, finding another thin blanket hidden in them. At least two are better than one. He pulled the thin cloth over you, ensuring that you would be a little warmer than before. Nash’s gaze softened slightly at your tired expression that you carried even while asleep. Shutting his eyes for a bit only to reopen them, Nash curled his hand into a fist then uncurled it. He let out an inaudible sigh, his right hand reaching out to gingerly tuck a strand of hair behind your ear-

“-Don’t you dare touch her.”

Nash felt as if he was shocked on the spot, retracting his hand rapidly as he turned around, coming face to face with the source of the voice. Harry stood with his hands in his pants pockets, a glare present on his face as he watched his doppelganger with angry eyes. Clearly unamused that Nash was getting close to you. Harry’s words, precise and cold, had cut through the air like a sharpened knife, but you couldn’t hear him.

Nash swallowed, sending Harry a smile of mockery. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to steal her away from you. Unless-” Nash spoke with a raspy voice.

“-You can’t even if you tried,” Harry retorted without hesitation. Nash rolled his eyes taking a few steps closer to his doppelganger. Both men exuded confidence and intimidation towards one another. “Watch yourself, Nash. I have her heart, just as she has mine.”

“You can keep the little lady, for all I care. She’s just good company, you would know that all too well, wouldn’t you Harry? And what do you know, she still owes me a favor. A favor in exchange for my help. I could have easily said no and kept the both of you separated because why would I care if her little heart remains broken and she loses sleep every night over it?” Nash bit down on the inside of his cheek, ignoring that mental image.

Harry glowered at Nash’s cocky words. “When I get back, I’m going to make you regret those words.”

“Look, I’m not interested in her, Harry. Get over yourself and keep her, she’s not that special anyway.” The tension and malice were intoxicating, hanging heavy in the room.

“Are you kidding me? I’m literally in your mi-”

“-Zhe petit fluer ‘as been overworking ‘erself again.” Nash jumped slightly at the new voice, letting out a frustrated breath before turning his gaze towards the French-accented voice. “And you two are ‘ere arguing over ‘er like ‘igh school boys.” Sherloque stood on the other side of the bed as he examined the papers from his height. He was clearly annoyed at both Nash and Harry, narrowing his eyes with an icy look on his face. “Merde, if you want to ‘ash it out, at least ‘ave zhe decency to do it outside,” Sherloque pointedly spoke, crossing his arms.

Harry and Nash briefly looked at each other before moving their gazes back to Sherloque only to find an empty space beside you. Sherloque had retreated back into Nash’s mind in order to sort things out with Wolfgang and the others. J'ai parlé de mes deux cents à ces deux-là. Sherloque took off his fedora and weaved a hand through his dark locks, glancing at the Nexus of Nash’s mind. “Et ce n'est pas bon de se mentir à toi-même, Nash,” the Frenchmen whispered with a knowing glint in his eyes, a stoic smile on his face.

You scrunched your nose and shuffled into a different position on the bed, almost knocking off a binder stack. Harry ignored Nash’s existence, taking a seat on the chair beside your sleeping form and noticing something that anyone else would have missed if they had not been together with you. Nash watched his Earth-2 doppelganger, seeing a certain look cross through Harry’s eyes. Harry slowly reached a hand out only to drop it knowing that he wouldn’t be able to touch you in this state. His hand formed into a tight fist as he dropped it by his side. Harry heavily sighed, shutting his eyes and running a hand through his hair. Nash raked his teeth over his bottom lip, feeling a tiny shred of guilt at Harry’s inability to be here with you. Reopening his azure irises, Harry’s heart stung, and it reverberated throughout his entire being. Oh, how he yearned to hold you again. To be able to wrap his arms around you and pull you close for warmth.

“She’s still cold,” Harry commented his observation, a slightly sullen expression creeping on his face. He readjusted his glasses. Nash raised an eyebrow at Harry’s words. “Just remember what I said. She’s not a prize. After everything you’ve done, she’d never willingly choose you in any lifetime.”

Nash blinked and Harry was gone, the explorer immediately regained composure of himself and his surroundings. Nash felt the tension leave his body, stretching a bit to relieve his muscles. I swear if I roll my eyes hard enough, they’ll fall out of their sockets. With a sigh, Nash gave you one last look before reluctantly shedding off his jacket and pulling it over you. The dark-haired man left the room without sparing you another glance.

What is even considered a prize anymore?

***

It’s been a couple weeks since you had entered Nash’s mind and spoken to the Wells men. Since then they had collectively collaborated with Barry, Cisco, and Chester via Nash to make necessary modifications and electro-/neuro-magnetic adjustments. “I present to you attempt #29,” Cisco announces, sliding out from behind the machinery, with a tool in hand, “which coincidently is the same number of one of my favorite Pokémon from the original 151 of the benevolent Kanto region.”

“Female Nidoran?” You and Barry both questioned the looked at each other. Nidoran is a pretty decent Pokémon, not gonna lie. Poison capabilities that are deadly with a combination of ground-type moves can really have opponents running for the hills without the proper Pokémon to counter its abilities and possible move-sets.

“What? She’s literally a freaking queen in battle and her move-set has been improving tremendously with every generation.”

“To be honest, Cisco, you always struck me for a Poliwag kind of guy when I first met you,” you quipped up. “But I got to say (Insert Favorite Pokémon Type)-types are more my style.

“Nerds,” Nash snickered to himself lowly. You whipped your head back to him, not clearly hearing his exact murmured words, but hearing his voice. The others didn’t hear anything. Nash dropped his gaze away avoiding your look, but not before narrowing his eyes at you. You just continued on with a questioning look, this time your thoughts circulating on if you’d done anything to offend this Wells doppelganger.

He’s been avoiding you since you had entered his mind, which at first you respected because having someone else enter your mind and intrude is weird enough, so you gave him his space. But then it started to turn into him throwing annoyed looks at you when you spoke, gradually and fully ignoring your existence in the Labs as the days went by. Even to the point of not seeking you for medical attention like he normally did when he injured himself in some way. Instead, Nash went to see Caitlin.

At first you thought nothing of it, Nash probably had his reasons for not wanting to speak to you and you had done nothing wrong in reality that you could recall. But then your anxiety continued to climb as one day passed after another. I’m not a bad physician, am I? I mean, I hope I not. I’ve been doing my best to suture and isolate every variable in order to make correct diagnostics. Nash even ignored you when you asked him if he wanted any coffee when you went on coffee runs. Was it the coffee pun I made? Everyone laughed at it.

“How are the modifications to the dimensional extrapolator coming along?” You asked turning your gaze back to the boys. You sort of regretted asking because you know that they’re going to start talking all quantum physics and math at you.

“Well, after analyzing the multiverse extrapolator and running diagnostics it’s… actually not fit to be modified,” Chester explained, holding up the piece of tech.

“Is that the bad news?” You raised an eyebrow at them, glancing back at Nash for any input, but were greeted with silence.

“I mean, this little baby over here may not be as functional as before, but it does still hold a variety of multiversal coordinates. In which we could cross reference those numbers with any pocket dimension coordinates that we happen to stumble across. Which I’ve got to say is so friggen cool! My world just keeps exploding, first there were multiple universes and doppelgangers, then black holes- but I created that on accident- my bad, by the way-” Chester continued in a quick ramble with a huge and excited grin on his face. If you didn’t know better, he seemed as eccentric as the energizer bunny, you just nodded along politely. “-And now we’ve got pocket dimensions! We really are breaking all the rules of physics-”

“-Chester, grab me the-”

Barry leaned in close, cutting off your focus from Chester’s hyper rant and Cisco’s shout, “We basically need to develop a new extrapolator.”

“That makes much more sense, but I was following Chester’s rant, thank-you-very-much. Sort of. ” you nodded sheepishly at your friend before sending him a teasing smile. Barry held his hands up in defeat. Barry let out a laugh. “How’s Iris?”

The speedster nodded, directing his gaze to the side so you two can side bar. “She’s doing ok, keeping an eye on Eva while running the Citizen. The headaches have receded, but she’s a bit disoriented at times. I’ve had Cisco and Chester install different meta security measures in case Black Hole decides to make a guest appearance.”

“But is she ok? Mentally?”

“She’s… jumpy at times. Iris told me she trusted Eva when she entered Joseph’s hidden lab. That Eva was the reason that she doubted herself in seeing the truth and her instinct that Iris’s always trusted. She told Kamilla the same thing. We’re trying to work through it.”

You patted Barry’s back, “Just let me know if I can do anything to help. If it means anything, Harry taught me how to use his pulse rifle for a worst-case scenario.” You grinned up at him, secretly always wanted to have a reason to put your sessions with Harry to the test.

Barry chuckled and shook his head, knowing that Harry would kill him if he had allowed you to be put in harm’s way. “I think we’ll be good, but thanks for the tip.” You pouted at your best friend before a small laugh leaves your lips.

Nash took a glimpse of you over his shoulder as you giggled at your best friend. He thanked the stars that he was able to reuse the tech from an older MAD produced by Harry and synthesized it to become a mental block between him and the other Wells so that they wouldn’t interfere with his thoughts or pop up randomly. Nash called it Psyche Block. All he had to was to make sure it was on whenever he was in the labs. She hasn’t been sleeping well. He could oddly tell with one look. That small moment of weakness allowed the sharpened tool in his hand to slip his grip and pierce the skin through his entire palm. The dark-haired Wells let out a sudden gasp, blood oozed out profusely. A few droplets had fallen onto the hard drive of the Neural Splicer, short-circuiting it. Your ears caught the noise somehow, frowning your eyes caught Nash leaving with quick steps.

“I-I gotta go…” you whipped your head back to Barry, who had watched the glances that you had thrown at the Wells doppelganger since you entered the room. You pointed to the Speed Lab’s exit, “Do this… this thing.” Barry nodded with a teasing grin at your awkward attempt to excuse yourself, gesturing towards to door.

You were already leaving as you spoke to the speedster. Entering the corridor with swift feet you slightly managed to catch up to Nash. Damn him and his long legs.

“Nash!”

Nash’s blood ran cold at the sound of your voice. He willed himself to not look back, instead to carry on his way to the Med Bay. You saw that he clearly ignored you, which caused an ache to echo throughout your body. With every fiber of your being, you sprinted forward as fast as you could to come to a stop right in front of him causing the geological myth-buster to stop as well, midway to the medical room with an irritated façade on his features. Nash remained silent as you caught your breath, he held a cautious hand out to put up distance between you both, to not have you come any closer.

You opened your mouth to question him instantly at his gesture, but your eyes quickly caught sight of his bloodied hand. Sharp instincts assessing that the wound had been the cause of his escape from the Speed Lab. “You’re hurt.” You ignored his eye roll, taking a step forward and snatching his hand gingerly to examine it. He hadn’t realized that he stopped you with his bloodied hand. The droplets of red had splattered onto the concrete floor, creating a puddled mess of crimson. “Nash this needs stitches. Immediately.” Looking up at him, Nash exhaled roughly side-glancing away in frustration before meeting you with cold eyes. But you did not yield under the coldness. “I can suture this. All we nee-”

“-I don’t need your help,” was his rapid and frosty response. He blinked at you, holding his ground.

“Then who’s help are you going to need, huh!? Caitlin? Last time I checked she was at her mother’s facility because of the bullet-light-energy shot that Black Hole gave her,” You frowned deeply at him with fiery eyes, you had never combusted like this in a really long time. “Can you suture this by yourself?” You asked rhetorically. “This cut is too deep to just put a band aid on it and call it a day.” Nash opened his mouth to retaliate, but you cut him off in a softer voice. “I know that you hate me,” Nash narrowed his eyes at those words, “but let me help you.”

Nash pursed his lips, looking into your pleading eyes and inwardly cursed himself. With a sigh, the older man followed you to the Med Bay, where you proceeded to stitch him up and fully sterilize the wound from the blood and bacteria/bacteriophages that could enter the cut.

“You’re only looking after me because of Harry.” You heart stopped at the sudden words, slicing the air of the room. “What? Nash, that’s not true.”

Nash let out a mirthless laugh. “Isn’t it?”

“It’s not, I can’t believe you would even think that.” You berated him with a serious look, but he just waved you off. You pursed your lips at the silence. “Why do you hate me?” You looked up as you finished your work, eyes meeting his light blue colored ones that you had stared into before. Nash licked his lips, eyes darting to anything else, avoiding the kicked puppy look on your face.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Was it the coffee pun?”

“No”

“The Pokémon nerd talk?”

“Unfortunately, no”

“Then, what is it?”

“It’s- I…” He started, taking a breath in. “Quae dicunt, facite vobis cor eius. Quod pertinet ad eum. Nusquam potuerunt alium, qui non pertinent ad quis enim concupíscit.” The dark-haired man raked an uninjured hand through his hair as he fisted his wounded one, feeling its stitching.

“What?” You raised an eyebrow in confusion. Nash stubbornly shook his head, not wanting to repeat his words.

“Nash, I don’t understand what foreign, dead language you just spoke, but you’re my friend. I’m always going to care for my friends, even and especially when I’m involved with Harry. They’ll always be in my heart, no matter what. And that includes you too, you stubborn idiot.” You grinned at him with sincere intention, placing a hand gently on his clenched fist. A reluctant smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Now, you need to let that heal. So, no tech tinkering or spontaneous adventures in the middle of the day until the stitches come off, doctor’s orders.” You winked, smiling widely at him. You moved to leave the room, throwing one last look back at him.

Don’t- Don’t fucking do that, Nash bittersweetly thought to himself as he rubbed his face when you left the room. Don’t give me that… that smile, saying things like that. He sighed for the nth time that day, unfurling his hand to observe your handiwork.

***

You entered Nash’s mindscape once more, searching for Harry to spend some time with him. Nash had opted to stay behind until you were ready to leave his mind, particularly moody about not wanting to see his doppelgangers because he sees enough of them. He had upgraded the MAD 2.0 so that Cecile’s presence and powers wouldn’t be required for today. Nash, the Wells, and the Team Flash boys have been working closely the past couple of days to ensure that the Psyche Segregator (that’s the current name for all the machines interwoven together) would be fully functional. The extrapolator was essentially finished, it just needed the proper orientation for dimensional coordinates that the Wells doppelgangers would need to report.

You walked down the rocky caves of Nash’s mind before hitting a modern looking corridor that similarly belonged to a level in STAR Labs. With a questioning look, your feet continued on as you decided the top floor would be the place that Harry should reside in with Sherloque and Wolfgang. Entering the vacant elevator and ascended each level, you soon found yourself in front of what looks to be Harry’s office from Earth-2.I guess you can change the layout of things if you’re the Mindscape’s master. You pushed the door open, the lights automatically illuminating the room before scanning the area to find it vacant. Your shoulders sagged a bit. Where is he? I thought Nash told Harry that I was coming. Glancing around a bit, you took a seat at the main desk, finding Harry’s glasses. You made the mistake of putting them on as Harry entered the room with a coffee mug in hand. Harry froze at the door as your gaze instantly locked onto his, glasses still on his face. You blinked at one another. It didn’t take long from a wicked grin to cross his handsomely rugged features at the sight of you.

“Don’t you know you shouldn’t take what’s not yours?” Harry shut the door and came around the desk. So he decided not to show up this time. Harry quickly dismissed the thought from his mind, shifting his focus more to you. He noted your exhaustion and would berate you regarding it later.

“Who said they couldn’t be mine?” You teased back as you stood up, slipping the black frames off you and folding them to clip the glasses onto the collar of your top. Harry let out a deep chuckle, a giggle leaving your own. Your boyfriend set down his cup of java on the upper corner of the desk and dipped down to kiss you. He nipped at your lips when you responded to his sweet kiss before pulling away. Harry enjoyed the slight flush on your cheeks, a reaction only he could elicit with his existence. “What was that for?”

“What? I can’t give my lady a kiss?”

This smooth fucker. The heat in your heart intensified at his words and adoring gaze. You were going to unclip his glasses and hand them to him, but his hand stopped you. To anyone observing the scene, they can literally see heart eyes happening between the two of you. “Your lady may want more than just a simple kiss,” You giggled, your voice lowly enticing before pulling him back in, cupping his face with steady hands as your lips collided. Harry let out a laugh against your mouth, bracing his arms around your waist only to maneuver you to sit atop the cool desk.

Gasping at the sudden movement, Harry pushed his tongue into your mouth. You allowed him to slot himself between your legs, pulling him closer and running feather-light touches through his untamed hair. He groaned against you at your touch. God, you missed this closeness! Every time his lips met yours in fervor his grip on your hips would tighten slightly, sending a small shiver to run down your spine. How is it that this all feels so real?

His name escaped your swollen lips when Harry decided to head south, nipping at the nape of your neck before sucking on your sweet spots. How could he forget where you’re most vulnerable to his touch? Your hands gripped onto his shirt. A small noise left your lips, tilting your head more to the side to give the Harry more access to continue his conquest. The room felt hot, your body on fire at every one of Harry’s kisses as he marked your skin. You breathed his name again and Harry could not think straight. One of his strong hands left your side and cradled your face as his lips re-connected with yours once more in a searing kiss. His thumb gently stroked your cheek. How can the way you simply utter his name allow Harrison Wells to abandon all self-control?

Sherloque strode into the room with his cup of tea only to almost drop it at the scandalous scene in front of him. “Mon Dieu! Ayez de la décence!” You and Harry had ripping apart from each other at the sudden outburst, both of your heads snapping towards him. Harry sent a glare at Sherloque, who responded with an annoyed eyeroll at the couple. “At least lock zhe door if you’re going to get all ‘andsy wizh each ozher,” the detective grumbled before leaving the room and shutting the door. Your cheeks were on fire at this point, opting to look at your folded hands that rest on your lap. But Harry did not look ashamed in the slightest, instead a smirk on his face at your sudden bashfulness. You soon snapped out of your embarrassment when a thought had crossed your mind.

“Harry?”

“Hm?”

“Did you say anything to Nash?”

“No,” he lied, glancing up towards the ceiling.

“Uh huh,” you looked at him dubiously with narrowed eyes, “you know that I can tell when you’re lying, right?” You spoke with crossed arms.

“…” Harry’s eyes met yours and you raised a questioning eyebrow at him for an answer. He briefly shut his eyes before reopening them, “I may have… warned him not to come near you and such.”

“Warned or seriously threatened to utterly destroy?”

“… maybe a bit of both…”

“Harry!”

“What?! Do you not see the way he looks at you?”

“The way he what!? Harry, he’s my friend. Just like Sherloque and HR.” You sighed as he pouted sheepishly at you. “Honestly, you know I only have eyes for you.”

“I know, it’s just…” Harry trailed off.

“It’s just?”

“I’m not here. Physically here, to be by your side. To go home with you at the end of the day. Especially at the labs when other versions of myself show up out of nowhere and seem to try to get all chummy with you.”

You blinked at Harry a few times. “Are you… jealous?” Harry didn’t respond, grumpily frowning at your words as he attempted to avoid your gaze. He didn’t like that word. “You are, aren’t you?” The butterflies in your stomach fluttered as you teased him, knowing that his silence was proof enough. Harry sighed, pulling you in a close hug and you felt his head nod in dejection. Harry didn’t want to admit it out loud, that’s just how he is. You rubbed his back, “You know it’s ok to be jealous, right?” Harry let out a sarcastic exhale, resting his chin on your shoulder. You kissed the side of his head, “How do you think I felt every time a young bachelorette sauntered her way towards you at all those galas that we attended? All those thirst cubes you kept receiving? I swear Jesse had to hold me back before I was about to throw some hands, verbally and politely, but effectively scathing.”

Harry snickered at how you’ve dubbed the cubes he’s received from various women ‘thirst cubes’. “Every night, you were the only thing that I would see.” You gave him a tight squeeze before pulling away to give him a soft kiss.

“And you’re the only Wells that my heart wants to be with.” You smiled up at him before it suddenly dropped.

“What?” Fear grappled Harry’s heart. “What is it?”

You swallowed your own fear that had climbed into your throat. “It’s just… this is the last time that I’ll see you before… we have the systems go online to-” You trailed off as you directed your gaze to the ground, gesturing to your theory going into action as you did so. Harry pursed his lips, tilting your head up to look at him. Your eyes glistened in the calm lighting of the office, your voice cracking, “I’m not going to be there when you wake up, Harry.” The realization struck him as well, his eyes glancing down for a split second before meeting yours again.

“I’ll still find you. I’ll still come for you on Earth-Prime.”

There was a sudden knock at the door that snapped yours and Harry’s attention towards it, followed by a clearing of the throat and a thick German accent. “If you bozh are done in zhere, I’d like for eine kleine assembly to ‘appen.”

***

Diese beiden schwöre ich. “I don’t… even vant to know vhat you two vere doing.” Wolfgang deadpanned, holding blueprints in one hand and adjusting his glasses. Sherloque stood beside him with a new cup of tea in hand, this time without a fedora.

“We would never-”

“-We were having fun.”

You stumbled over your own words while Harry had owned up to his. You failed to realize the light hickies still on your neck until Wolfgang narrowed his eyes at you and Sherloque rolled his eyes as he watched the exchange. Harry knew they were there; he just didn’t point out that they were visible arm’s length away. Damn it, Harry! Your cheeks heated up and now you’re wondering if your real body now has hickies on them because there’s about to be some words thrown your way by two or three particular members of Team Flash.

“Ah ah ah ah, nein. None of zhat,” the German waved you two off with his hand, “just keep your ‘ormones at a decent level until ve get our bodies back. Zhen you two idiotenliebhaber can do whatever it is you two do when not in a crisis.” You dipped your head down shyly, but that didn’t stop your boyfriend from nudging your side and giving you a smug-ass grin. You glowered at him as he wiggled his eyebrows at you before Wolfgang caught your attention again. “Anyvay, ve need to discuss somezhing else vizh you. Sherloque und I vill also be coming to Earzh-Eins.”

“Why?”

“In case,” Harry started, “I don’t make it in time to recalibrate the Multiversal Communications Projector before all the others. Earth-Prime will essentially give the green light to the others in the multiverse to send in their coordinates.”

“We’ve already figured out Earzh-Prime’s dimensionale coordinates,” Sherloque added in. “Une sécurité intégrée vaut mieux que rien.”

You nodded at their words. I mean it makes sense, but… Wolfgang took out a couple sheets of paper that had been rolled up and hidden in the rolled-up blueprint file, handing it to you. “What’s this?”

“Ein liste of names of all the present Vells who’s neurological vavelengths are entangled vith Nash’s,” Wolfgang stated nonchalantly. “It seems zhat some Earzh are either permanently vacant or do not ‘ave ein Vells.”

“Like Kara’s Earth, old Earth I guess,” You responded, holding the sheets. “She’s Supergirl, used to live on Earth-38. Barry had accidentally multiverse jumped to Earth-38, thanks to Harry. He said that no one from Team Flash’s doppelgangers were on Earth-38, unlike Earth-2 and Earth-19.” Earth-19 Your eyes scanned the list; Wolfgang had done you a great favor in numbering it in Earth order. Could he..? The thought was soon shut out as you looked through the list.

Harry watched as your shoulders sagged, knowing who you were looking for. He pocketed his hands as a fake smile plastered itself onto your face.

***

The day had finally come. It’s time for the boys to come back home. Everyone had gathered in the Speed Lab. The machinery interconnected to one another as if interwoven into one mechanical creature. Your heart pounded in your chest and those dubious thoughts returned, but you willed them back. You needed to believe that this can work. Chester and Cisco were calibrating the tablets and satellites, running newer and improved diagnostics for this moment.

“That favor, that you owe me,” Nash’s voice caught your attention, snapping you out of your trance. You looked up at him with a quizzical look.

“Yeah?”

“I’m cashing it in,” Nash’s voice rasped as he took your hand. You humored the geological explorer. “Protect Allegra,” he whispered, his eyes glancing in her direction as her was turned because she was added the finishing touches with Cisco. The simple wish had surprised you, yet at the same time it didn’t in the slightest. “Please.” He sounded like a dying man marching to his death. And in a way he was if this doesn’t work.

“Always,” you nodded at him. Leaning up, you kissed his forehead softly before placing the Psyche Segregator on his head. “Thank you.” Nash remained silent and only closed his eyes as he sat back down. Releasing a breath, he reopening those piercing blue eyes filled with determination, but you can see that behind it there was a form of fear. He nodded. You nodded back at him, taking a step backwards before looking at the others. It’s time. Cisco handed you the tablet that held the ignition keys. You took in a breath, the weight of the tablet seemingly heavier than ever before. A multiverse of lives held within the tips of your fingers, only fate will decide if they live or die.

Your eyes met Nash’s one last time. Doubt choked your heart, but there was no going back. “Here we go,” you spoke each word slowly before pressing the button to ignite the Psyche Segregator.

Translations (Via Google Translate):

French

J'ai parlé de mes deux cents à ces deux-là - I've spoken my two cents to those two

Et ce n'est pas bon de se mentir à toi-même, Nash - And it's not good to lie to yourself, Nash.

Mon Dieu! Ayez de la décence! - My god! Have some decency!

Une sécurité intégrée vaut mieux que rien - A failsafe is better than nothing

Latin

Quae dicunt, facite vobis cor eius - Your heart is its own treasure

Quod pertinet ad eum - It belongs to him

Nusquam potuerunt alium, qui non pertinent ad quis enim concupíscit. - It could never belong to anyone else who yearns for you.

German

Idiotenliebhaber - idiot lovers

Diese beiden schwöre ich - These two, I swear

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weirdlizard26 · 5 years

Note

For the ask meme? All of them.

jay,,,

give me a sec to edit this post ok

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

wine glasses are like reading glasses except you wear them while drinking wine

i’d say water bottles but only the ones that can handle heat and stuff and not poison your drink with plastic or whatever

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

i havent had a lollipop in a good while so thats my choice

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

havent tried either but boy i’d love to try just a little bit of cotton candy at leastonce

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

bro,,,,,, that was like 10 years ago, how am i supposed to remember that,,,,,,,

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i usually drink soda from plastic cups but honestly? nothing beats the experience of sipping that sweet sweet ambrosia from the bottle,,, but also i’d love to try soda in a can some day!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

idk what half of these would look like but sportswear always wins in my book

7. earbuds or headphones?

ok i actually googled whats the difference and im more of an earbuds person! theyrejust safer i think and it makes me kinda anxious when im home listening tomusic and cant hear anything going on around me

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows! well, unless the episodes are like 40 minutes or a full hour because its hard to focus for that long kfjsndkfs

9. favorite smell in the summer?

pavement after rain and also. grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

haha thats a funny joke you made there *starts crying*

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

just a couple of meat+cheese+mayo sandwiches! if its summer mom cuts tomatoes or cucumbers for us and as they start getting more and more expensive we replace them with pickles!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

sorry i couldnt choose!

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

aaaa i love fruit flavored ones!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

aaaaaaaa i dont remember if it was elementary or middle school but we were assigned this really cool ukrainian book that ive actually read before they assigned it. well, nobody here will recognize it but it was Тореадори з Васюківки by Всеволод Нестайко and it was about 2 boys who were best friends growing up in the countryside and they went on adventures and had fun and their friendship made me so happy,,, i guess i was all for cool friendship portrayal even back then! it was mostly laughs and jokes but some moments were actually serious and hit me really hard and i remember them to this day actually

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

its a myth, sitting was created as a personal attack on me

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my trusty old sneakers!! theyre all black and the sole is very soft and nice

18. ideal weather?

when the sun is out and its just warm enough to show off your new graphic tee and also very soft and nice

19. sleeping position?

i just lie on my left side like a fool

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notebook!

21. obsession from childhood?

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! AND DANNY PHANTOM!!!! i even made a ghost fighting costume once,,,, tho it wasnt much of a costume, it was just fingerless gloves i cut out of paper. they were extremely uncomfortable. but very effective in fighting ghosts!

22. role model?

kfjsdnfk i have a bunch! might sound weird but one of them is bdg i think??? and the other 2 are some online acquaintances whom im too afraid to interact with more often than i do

23. strange habits?

repeating silly lines i hear on tv / in anime/cartoons? and also i never touch food with my right hand unless its plums?? and there are more but. you know. bad memory.

24. favorite crystal?

all of them!!!!!

25. first song you remember hearing?

my grandma used to sing this to me over the phone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPnqqPXQsw

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

go for a walk!

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

slep

28. five songs to describe you?

we are the people by empire of the sun

home by cavetown

strawberry blonde by mitski

smile like you mean it by the killers

afterlife by arcade fire

29. best way to bond with you?

wash your hands very thoroughly and make jokes

30. places that you find sacred?

i see nature i go crazy from how much respect i have for it

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass andtake names?

*wearing hinata cosplay* im here to play volleyball and kick your ass and as you can see ive already played today’s match

32. top five favorite vines?

road work ahead

a avocado!! thanks!!!!!

REBECCA THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK

i fell can you help me :(

that vine where ukulele sounds like human voices and people sounds like ukuleles

33. most used phrase in your phone?

idk how to check that??? sowwy

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

the stomach meds ad they keep showing on tv

35. average time you fall asleep?

3am? 4am? idk for sure

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

t-trollface…

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

havent used either (cause ive never traveled anywhere too far away) but the latter looks pretty and i feel like it would fit more stuff

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on my mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

dont kick me but im not sure if ive ever tried either ;w;

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

the school’s cat who hates most people actually kinda warmed up to me even tho im terrible with animals

41. last person you texted?

jay uwu

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

afabs cant have both huh

but i want both. please give me both.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all of these sound nice but my lazy ass will always go for hoodies

44. favorite scent for soap?

aaaaaaaa im allergic to a lot of soaps but i like flower scented ones

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

i love all of them dearly but lately ive been more into superheroes i think. im not sure really sure what exactly i feel

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

something really really long

47. favorite type of cheese?

there are different types????

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i hope im a pear

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

become a good person. thats all.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i dont remember what it was but i remember i was with my friends and we couldnt stop laughing for several minutes and ive never felt happier

51. current stresses?

UNIVERSITY FUCK OFF!!!

52. favorite font?

i like comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

they arent doing so hot tbh, my dermatitis is back again

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i dont have one!

55. favorite fairy tale?

gonna be honest chief, i dont remember too many of them ;w;

56. favorite tradition?

on new year’s we turn the lights off, light up a candle in the kitchen, laugh at president’s speech and only then starts eating

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

getting over a lost friendship, passing high school finals and uni entrance exams and coming out to my best friend

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

singing!! being able to learn how to do most things pretty quickly!!! and i cant think of anything else but honestly these two are quite enough for me

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

uh oh! guess what! i dont have a catchphrase and im very self-conscious about it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

im torn between sports anime and slice of life

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

because humans dont have wings we look for other ways to fly

from haikyuu

obviously

62. seven characters you relate to?

tsukishima kei from haikyuu

mae borowski from nitw

apollo justice from ace attorney

flame princess from adventure time

donatello from tmnt

sokka from atla

kageyama shigeo from mob psycho 100

63. five songs that would play in your club?

mr brightside, bohemian rhapsody, smile like you mean it by the killers and allof haikyuu ops and eds

64. favorite website from your childhood?

if social media counts, vkontakte i guess?? i didnt really go anywhere else and it still exists and i thriving so im not sure if it should count fkjsndkjf

65. any permanent scars?

yeah, the one from my very first vaccination from when i was a few months old i think and also some traces of when i had chickenpox

66. favorite flower(s)?

idk a lot of flower names but i really like tulips

67. good luck charms?

dont have any at the moment but i’d love to get one!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

whatever fish mom used to buy when we were kids >:(

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

bro my memory isnt good enough to remember those,,

70. left or right handed?

im a righty but i had to become a lefty for like a month when i broke my pinkie

71. least favorite pattern?

i like traditional ukrainian ornaments

72. worst subject?

history :P

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

ice cream + fries

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

idk how pain levels work but i try not to take meds unless the pain is interfering with studying

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

idk but i had a box full of my teeth for so long they turned to dust and i had to throw it away

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

RHNGRHGNRHGRNH EVERYTHING except for freshly made mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

if its green it can stay

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

have never had either of those and i hope i never will cause they sound gross!

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i dont have a license, so.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

kfjsndfks depends on the mood tbh!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies!

82. pc or console?

i WISH i had a console but this is too broke for that,, i played a couple of times tho and it feels more fun than pc!

83. writing or drawing?

please dont make me choose, ive abandoned both and its making me feel bad

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts :O

84. barbie or polly pocket?

idk what polly pocket is but barbie rules!!!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

i feel like sometimes fairy tales are kinda like watered down myths so i have a right to say i like both

86. cookies or cupcakes?

my heart goes to cookies

87. your greatest fear?

finding out im faking any part of my identity

88. your greatest wish?

get through whatever’s going on right now

89. who would you put before everyone else?

mom

90. luckiest mistake?

when i recorded an undertale medley and got a few notes wrong but it actually ended up sounding better than originally

91. boxes or bags?

boxes!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights……

93. nicknames?

never really had many? my bff calls me mr smith sometimes but thats all i can think of fkjsdnfs but also! steve used to be my nickname before i decided my life my own and i get to choose my name

94. favorite season?

spring ;w;

95. favorite app on your phone?

sudoku

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

my own and my mom’s

98. favorite historical era?

eh im not very fond of the past because not every time period had soap

#wl26 #wl26 answers #flamingerrs #jay just so you know i love you a whole lot #i really did that huh #long post

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chaoticrayne85 · 5 years

Text

Tornado plus fibromyalgia equals major pain

March 3, 2019 started like every other normal Sunday especially the ones that we get to spend with my family 2 hrs away. We had gone to my parents the day before so we could see everyone before my brother's deacon ordination at his church on Sunday. Every thing was going great until we got back in the car after the service. Our phones were in the console so they wouldn't be going off in church. My hubby checked his phone and had multiple calls from his family. He got his mom on the phone and was told we had been hit by a tornado. We made other calls to find out if all the family was ok, was the trailer we live in standing, how much was damaged, could we even get home. So for the most part everyone was fine just shook up, trailer was standing, we definitely had damages to the property, and there was no way possible to get home that night. Sitting in the restaurant eating with my family the news channel was on the t.v. and showing towns around ours who were pretty much leveled or had massive damage. Stress levels were already through the roof not knowing what we would find when we could finally get home; seeing the destruction from neighboring towns just made the tears roll.

Being a spoonie during a natural disaster kinda sucks. I have fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, anxiety and depression issues, PTSD, migraines, and spine issues. When my emotions get messed up it gets difficult and painful to move around. Driving 2 hrs in constant pain both physically and emotionally is an experience I prefer not to relive often.

We get home there's trees down everywhere, power lines across the road and laying in the yard, power's out of course, porch roof is missing part of it and the missing part is in a tree behind the trailer, a tree narrowly missed our master bed and bath, the carport moved despite being staked down, underpinning on the trailer is well it's very much messed up. We got lucky or rather we were very blessed. Our family members across the road from us had trees on their roofs. Down the road from us looked like a bomb went off. Between our fence line behind our house to the end of our road which is about 9/10s of a mile maybe was the damage zone width. Looking at the destruction made me realize just how blessed we were. The emotions triggered a migraine which triggered my fibro. The temperature didn't help things either because with the tornado came a cold front that dropped the temp to near freezing from being in the mid-70s. I'm very sensitive to temperature and weather changes like most spoonies are.

We got to start cleaning up some the day after the storm when we was able to get through the roads better. My hubby and other family members got busy cutting trees off homes of other family members while I went in our house and packed another bag to go to my parents. Our house was without power for 48 hrs. so our house was extremely cold which didn't help the pain level. We stayed with my parents for 2 more days mainly because it took me 2 days to recuperate from the first trip back home to check on the damages.

We finally got to come home to stay on Wednesday once they got the power back on. It was 58°F in our house! It was COLD! I turned the heat on and me and the dogs cuddled up under a thick blanket in the recliner. When I get cold my body feels like I have knives stabbing me from head to toe, my hands swell and get a slight purple tint to them, putting pressure on my feet sends pain radiating through them and my lower legs which doesn't matter if I'm cold or just tired. When I'm in the amount of pain I was in that day it gets difficult to concentrate kinda like brain fog but a little worse in my opinion. Fibro fog I'm still able to semi-function but that day there wasn't much functioning in my brain. I couldn't process anything whether it from the pain or just the shock of reality I'm not sure. Not knowing what you're coming home to after a storm is very stressful and the stress causes us spoonies a good deal of pain, brain fog, tears, and exhaustion. Once the clean up starts even tho we still have our home when many others do not; it's still exhausting. We started getting a better look at the damages on Saturday when we started really cleaning up instead of just making it passable. I tried to help clean up by picking up limbs and things like that. I lasted til about lunchtime before I was hurting so bad I had to take something for the pain and chill in the recliner. None of you know me very well but for me to break down and take pain meds my pain level is to the point of tears. I hate pain meds with a passion because I can't function or think straight on them in other words they make me incredibly sleepy. So yeah chillin in the recliner means I was out for a few hours.

Not being able to help clean up the place I live or help with family members's homes that were damaged makes me feel like I'm being lazy or like other people view me as lazy. It really bothers me that I can no longer hold out as long as other people. It hurts my feelings and self-esteem to think about how others view me and my lack energy. Most of the time I can push through the pain if I have to but once the exhaustion starts kicking in I'm done. I can't fight through both severe pain and exhaustion together. Other people who don't live with chronic pain and chronic fatigue issues don't always truly understand what we go through on a daily basis. I know I'm probably a bit paranoid about how people view my limitations because I'm actually very hard on myself when everyone around me is working hard like they've been bthe past 2 weeks yet I can't hold out for more than a few hours before I have to rest. It's frustrating having a body that rebels on you at every turn.

#spoonie #spinalstenosis #spinal fusion #spoon theory #spine #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #chronic fаtiguе ѕуndrоmе #fibromyalgia #fibrowarrior #fibrofighter #tornado #storm clean up

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houseravenclaw09 · 5 years

Text

Blizzard

Summary: This is my first attempt at fan fiction, well first attempt at writing anything since finishing school. I had this idea for a modern AU for Steve and Peggy, but this prequel of sorts kept getting in the way. This prequel is also much longer than I ever intended. I’m a day late for Steggy week day 4, as a what-if. This is my idea of what could have happened back in 1943.

Rating: Adult

Prologue

October 1943

Poland

The scent of snow was heavy in the air, and the smell was only getting stronger. At least it wasn’t the smell of herring, she told herself. Heavy clouds were moving in and the wind was picking up. And Agent Margaret “Peggy” Carter was running for her life.

She could hear the barking dogs getting closer, their handlers shouting orders to the men on her trail. She lost precious time when trying to cross the icy river, and she knew the cold was seeping deep into her legs. She pushed past the pain to maintain her run. She continues to follow the shepherd trail, trying to stay low as the brush cleared the higher she climbed into the mountains along the trail. Her lungs burning with the higher elevation, making her feel the blood loss even more acutely. She tried to keep pressure over the wound, more to stem the blood so there was less of a trail for the dogs.

Not daring to slow down to pull out the map, she used her memory of the landscape to guide her as the snow started to fall. Knowing that her trail was becoming much easier to follow, she shouldered her pack more securely, her rifle slung over her good shoulder, and started to zig zag around her destination. She grabbed branches to drag behind her to mask her foot prints as she grew tired after the snow began to accumulate. The wind whipping through her uniform, making her regret once again the need to cross those ice currents hours before.

The wind swallowing sound as it increased, making the snow feel like icy pellets when it hit her face. She hadn’t heard the dogs or the guards for a few hours. The snow already up to her ankles. Knowing she still needed to gather firewood, she started back towards the cave. She left the branches a little distance from the cave to keep her hands free to draw her pistol. Stealthily she approaches the hidden entrance, her booby trap still in place about 3 feet from the mouth of the cave when it was at its narrowest. She squeezed through the best she could, her pack making it difficult. When she was through, she turned on her torch and inspected the small cave. Her fire pit at the ready and a small amount of firewood where she left it. She dropped her pack and rifle once she deemed it safe and started a fire. Keeping her sidearm at the ready she ventured back through the cave, putting her trap back up as she exited.

The wind already did its job to hide her trail, she had a little difficulty finding those branches again. She gathered as many branches as she could, her shoulder screaming at her for carrying the growing pile of wood. She brought the first load of wood into the cave and repeated the steps 5 more times, before stopping. She knew that the amount wasn’t nearly enough, but she was feeling light headed and knew she was close to blacking out, combination of the thinner air and the blood she has lost on her escape from the trap Hydra had laid for her.

Only after she felt satisfied her booby trap was in place did she finish making camp. She was melting snow, ready to boil her med kit tools in the water. She could feel the bullet in her shoulder when she left around. She grabbed a sturdy stick and placed it between her teeth, her left hand a little shaky when she dug around inside the bullet hole. She lost consciousness twice before she was able to pull the bullet out. Still biting down on the stick, she pulled a burning branch from the fire and screamed around the make shift gag as she cauterized her own wound. She made sure the branch was back in the fire before she collapsed on top of her make shift bed.

At the same time, the SSR camp in Italy

Steve Rogers, better known as Captain America, had recently returned from his mission to Naples. The Howling Commandos had been sent to provide tactical support to free the city from Nazi forces. He cleaned up as soon as he had returned and put on his pressed uniform before reporting to Colonel Phillips to give his mission debrief. During the meeting he noticed the absence of Agent Carter, only asking about her whereabouts when the Colonel dismissed him. Phillips pauses before answering.

“Agent Carter was sent to Poland to make contact with one of her intelligence sources. She has missed all of her scheduled check-ins and is two days late returning to camp.” Phillips turned to look out at the camp. “I’m drawing up the papers to declare Agent Carter missing in action.”

Steve felt like he had been punched in the gut. “Colonel, tell me where she was sent. I’ll find her, and bring her back.”

Phillips sat back down on his desk chair “Captain, you are forgetting again that you do not get to give me orders. Missing in action doesn’t mean dead, or that we give up on her.”

“Colonel, we can’t just leave her behind. Please, I know Agent Carter. I know how she thinks. If the mission went south, I can track her.”

Phillips rapped his pen against his desk, thinking. Finally he spoke “Captain, Lieutenant Winters has the mission details. I want your rescue plan in my hands in 2 hours. I’ll let you know my decision once I’ve reviewed it. Only if I feel that there is a high measure of success, will I give the order. Are we clear?”

Saluting “Yes, Sir.”

Turning, Steve quickly hunted down Winters who handed over the mission plans including maps of Poland, and the latest weather forecasts. The blizzard was unseasonably early and stronger than predicted. It was expected to last several more days, days that Carter couldn’t afford. With 10 minutes to spare, he was back in front of the Colonel going over his rescue plan. The Colonel spoke little and put the papers down. He looked up at Steve “I haven’t said anything about the crush you and Carter have on each other, and this is not a conversation either if you will enjoy when I do. The only chance of success on this is the truth right here, right now. Do you believe you can find Agent Carter and bring both of you back safely?”

“Yes, Sir. I do”

“Mission approved.”

#steggy #steggyweek2k19 #steve rogers #peggy carter #fan fiction #first attempt

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fireladybuckley · 6 years

Text

The Nightmare Beyond

Fandom: Star Trek AOS, Mirrorverse (Reader Insert) Pairing: Leonard McCoy / Reader Word Count: 12,021 Rating/Warnings: Rated M (mature) - blood, cutting, restraints, torture, partial nudity, psychological angst, major angst in general

Summary: A transporter malfunction sends Reader and Christine Chapel to the ISS Enterprise, where they find themselves at the mercy of Leonard McCoy’s evil clone.

Author’s note: This fic was inspired by a nightmare and is a lot darker than most fics I usually write... if you like angst and/or whump, you’ll love this. Enjoy. Also, for interest’s sake, the uniforms I was envisioning in the Mirrorverse were based on this post by @abd-illustrates because they are amazing!

* * * * * * * *

“Nurse Chapel, Nurse Y/LN, they need you planetside.”

You turned as a harassed-looking security officer hurried into the medbay, addressing you and Christine, who was working right next to you. You glanced at her as she straightened up, a small frown appearing on her face.

“What’s happened?” she asked, setting aside the tricorder she’d been calibrating and standing up. You followed suit, setting down the gloves you’d been about to pull on.

“The medical team was attacked when they beamed down. Now two of them are hurt on top of the other officers and civilians down there, and Dr. McCoy could really use your support.”

“Of course,” you said at once, already turning to grab an emergency med kit. Your heart flip-flopped in both excitement and fear at the sound of your boyfriend’s name – You knew that Leonard was a big boy and could take care of himself, but you were worried about this ‘attack’ and what it might’ve entailed.

“Right away,” Christine agreed, following you to the opposite counter to grab a second kit.

“Survival suits on, ladies,” the officer said, glancing down at his comm. “The weather is a bit rough and we don’t know if there will be another attack, so we should take precautions.”

You nodded and the two of you hurried into the back supply room to grab your survival suits. Cursing yourself for wearing the uniform dress today instead of pants, you peel off your dress and slip into the suit in a pair of short shorts and a very thin white tank top, hoping you won’t have to take off the jacket for any reason down there. Christine, who had worn pants today, merely pulled the suit over her pants. You helped each other fasten the jackets, checked to make sure everything was fitting correctly, then pulled your boots on.

“Ready?” Christine asked, slinging the med bag over her shoulder and tucking a phaser into her leg holster.

“Yup,” you replied, quickly folding your dress and stashing it on a shelf to retrieve later. Christine offered you a phaser and you took it with a nod of thanks, tucking it into your own leg holster.

“I have to say, we look awesome in these,” Christine pointed out, gesturing to your survival suit, and you grinned at her in agreement.

“Absolutely we do. Let’s go!”

The two of you hurried from the back room and joined a different security officer wearing his own survival suit who was clearly waiting for you. When he saw you were ready, he gestured for you to follow him and led you towards the transporter room.

The engineers were in a flurry of chaos once you got there; there was an alarm going off, and two engineers shouting at each other while a communications officer frantically typed at her computer.

“What’s going on?” asked the security officer, approaching the arguing engineers. “Aren’t you ready to beam us down?”

“Aye, but there’s a magnetic storm brewing, and the transporter might not be working properly.” Scotty, the head of Engineering, appeared around a large console as he spoke, looking tense. “I’m not sure if I can guarantee your safety,” he said grimly, shaking his head.

“The medical team needs us,” Christine said urgently, gesturing at the transporter pad. “We’ve got to get down there!” You nodded in agreement, worry clenching your heart as you watch Scotty frown.

“You said the storm was just starting, perhaps we can miss the worst of it if we go right away?” You asked Scotty, who still looked grim.

“It’s possible you could be right,” Scotty mused, scowl still in place. “But—”

“No buts, if it’s possible, we’re going,” the security officer interjected. He gestured for the two of you to follow him and you moved onto the transporter pad, feeling a bit guilty as an angry expression crossed Scotty’s face for a moment before the man sighed.

“Och fine, but if something bad happens, it’s not on me. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.”

“Noted,” Christine said, and you clutched the strap of your bag a little harder, now feeling a bit worried that something might actually malfunction. You took comfort in the fact that if it was very likely for something to happen, there was no way Scotty would let you go; as such, there must only be a small chance, so you focus on your breathing, getting ready for the feeling of beaming down.

“Three to beam down, then,” the security officer said, gesturing at the communications officer running the console. The communications officer glanced over at Scotty, who nodded grudgingly, before she activated her station.

“Beaming down,” she called. “In 3, 2, 1—”

“Wait!” Scotty called suddenly, staring at his own console in horror. “Don’t! The storm just—”

The communications officer, however, had hit the final button only a split second before she heard Scotty shout; too late to change anything.

“The storm just got a lot worse,” Scotty said, his voice trailing off in defeat.

They watched in fear as the two nurses and security officer disappeared as usual, but followed by many flickers, sparks and unusual sounds, indicating that something had gone horribly wrong with the transporter.

-----------

Your heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to burst from your chest as you materialized. Normally, you felt a weird tingling sensation and a bit of unease when beaming somewhere, but this time you felt like your body was receiving one long static shock, your skin prickling all over, and your sense of unease was intense. When your feet hit solid ground you stumbled a bit, feeling extremely dizzy and like you were about to fall over. You managed to right yourself and stand, shaking your head to clear it a bit, and blinked a few times before looking around.

You heard Christine gasp and felt a wave of confusion as you took in your surroundings. You had not beamed down to the planet; hell, you were still in the ship. You were on the bridge, where you’d only ever been a few times, and while there were many familiar faces staring at you in shock, they seemed somehow… wrong. In the second or so you had to look, while everyone was still taken by surprise by your sudden appearance, you realized that while many of the faces were just plain staring at you in shock, there were plenty more who were staring in anger and suspicion. You were also confused when, upon turning to look in the other direction, you saw Jim Kirk standing there, glaring at your group. You knew for a fact that the captain was down on the planet with Leonard and the others, and your heart started to pound faster as you realized very quickly that something was extremely wrong.

“Grab them!” came a shout, and you let out a small cry of surprise as someone nearby rushed at you.

“Stay back!” called your security officer, brandishing his phaser. You groped for yours and had it out so fast you surprised yourself, flicked it into stun mode and lifted it, pointing at the officer that had run forward.

“Or what?” Jim Kirk asked, smirking. His voice was very different than you were used to; it was cold and confident in a way that struck fear in you, not comfort. This could not be the actual captain. “There are three of you, and over a dozen of us.”

“What’s going on?” you asked the security officer quickly, your hand shaking as you attempted to hold the phaser steady. “Isn’t the Captain supposed to be down on the planet?”

“That’s not the Captain,” Christine said, her voice hard, though you could hear trepidation in it. By this point, nearly everyone on the bridge had pointed their weapons at your group, and you felt your heart skip several beats in fear. “At least, not our captain.”

“What-“ you began, but you had just seen the Captain nod, and a split second later you were ambushed. You screamed as someone grabbed you from behind, squeezing the trigger of your phaser on impulse, the beam missing its closest target by several feet. You struggled against the arms around you as a second officer ran up, grabbed your hand and twisted your wrist hard until you cried out in pain and lost your grip on the phaser, cursing as you dropped it and it hit the floor with a clatter. You heard a similar fight going on directly behind you and assumed Christine had also been grabbed. Your security officer was fighting; he’d managed to hit a couple of the officers on the bridge with a stun, but several more officers, security, command and communications alike had cornered him with his back to a console at the front of the bridge, all of their phasers pointed at him.

The man who looked like Jim Kirk strolled over almost lazily, eyeing your security officer, who was breathing heavily and looked furious at being cornered like this, his hands above his head, his phaser pointed at the ceiling.

“Did you really think you could infiltrate our ship like this?” the Kirk lookalike asked in disgust. “Only three people, and two of them women who look like they haven’t fought a day in their lives?” You struggled in your captor’s hold at these words and he twisted one of your arms behind your back until you let out an involuntary whimper of pain and stopped pulling, breathing hard. The captain, hearing this, smirked. “Thank you for proving my point,” he said smoothly, staring at you.

“We aren’t trying to infiltrate your ship, sir,” the security officer said, looking like it was difficult for him to address the Kirk imposter with respect. “Our transport system malfunctioned, we were trying to go planetside.”

“Right,” Kirk replied dryly, clearly not believing a word he was saying.

“It’s true.” Christine said, her voice still with that strangely hard tone. You’d never heard her speak so coolly before, but couldn’t blame her.

“We were trying to beam down to a planet,” you called out, wincing as your captor twisted your arm a bit more and pain shot through your wrist and shoulder. “Our medical team needs help, and-” Before you could finish your sentence, the man who looked like Kirk had strode over to you and without warning, backhanded you across the face. You let out a cry of surprise and pain as your head snapped to the side from the unexpected blow, the skin of your cheek burning. You heard Christine make a wordless noise of concern as you felt the air stinging your lower lip and blood welling up before starting to trickle down from your mouth.

“Did I ask you to speak?” Kirk asked, a cruelly amused look in his eyes at the shock on your face. Fear coursing through you, you stared at him with wide eyes and shook your head slowly, scared silent. “I didn’t think so.” He smirked at you and turned back to the security officer, who looked distressed at the blood on your face.

“Leave them alone, they’re nurses, not fighters!”

“Don’t care,” Kirk shrugged. “You have exactly 3 seconds to tell me what the fuck you’re doing on my ship. Go.”

“I told you, we weren’t trying to come here, it was a transporter malfunction!” The security guard was desperate now. “We would never have tried to take your ship, we’re peaceful—”

“Time’s up.” Kirk glowered down at the security officer from his chair’s platform. “Kill him.”

“No!” you and Christine cried at the same time, trying to lunge forward, but it was too late. Immediately, the officer directly in front of your security officer raised his phaser and fired a beam directly into his chest. The officer’s entire body lit up like the phaser beam before he disappeared into a poof of steam and smoke, vaporized.

You stood there in utter shock, breathing fast and shallow, staring at the place that the officer had just been standing. You heard Christine whisper “No!” in a cracked voice and felt her look over at you, but you couldn’t stop staring at where he’d disappeared. The guy holding your arms snickered behind you as Kirk turned to look at you and Christine, a grim amusement on his face.

“Nurses, hm?” he mused, walking up to Christine and running a finger along her jawline. She jerked her head away, a furious expression on her face, and the Captain gave a short, unpleasant laugh.

“I don’t understand,” you whispered to Christine, who was now looking in your direction, unable to stop yourself. You were freaking out, panicking over the death of the security officer and just generally feeling terrified. “Why do these people look like our crew? What is happening?” The man who looked like Kirk heard you and slowly smiled, and you noted how sinister it made him look.

“Go ahead, answer her,” He ordered Christine, gesturing to you. “I’ve just figured out exactly who you must be.” Christine shot him an angry glare before looking at you, her eyes full of sympathy. You could tell she was about to tell you something horrible, and that she was extremely sorry to do it.

“Look at their insignias. The sashes,” she told you, her voice urgent. “They are of the Terran Empire.” You stared back at her, confused for a moment, the fear you were already feeling causing your brain to put it together a lot slower than usual.

“The Terran Empire? But what is—” You cut yourself off as you suddenly remembered, and your heart instantly clenched in absolute dread. Your face must have shown your horrible understanding because Christine looked away, unable to stand the sudden terror in your eyes. You slowly looked over at the evil Kirk, trying and failing to stop yourself trembling in fear as the implications of your situation sank in. Your eyes settled on his insignia; a large sword driven through the earth, nothing at all like Starfleet’s insignia. You glanced around; every officer surrounding you had the same one on their uniforms, which were quite different than the ones you were used to, including the sashes Christine had mentioned.

“No,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. How could it be? How was it possible that this was actually real?

“Oh yes,” the evil Kirk said with relish, clearly enjoying the horrified expression on your face. “I’m not sure how things are run on your ship,” he said in a dry voice, “but on the ISS Enterprise, we do not allow nurses,” he said the word mockingly, “on the Bridge.”

You jumped as the person twisting your arms loosened their grip, untwisted your arms and then roughly shoved your hands into some kind of cuffs, securing your wrists tightly behind you. A slight gasp from Christine told you the same had happened to her, and you looked up at Kirk in fear, wondering if he was going to throw you in the brig or worse, out into space.

“Take them to the doctor,” Kirk ordered, smirking. “I’m sure he’ll have some use for them.”

Before you had time to even think about what he’d said, the officer behind you grabbed you roughly by the shoulders, spun you around and marched you off towards the door to the Bridge. You looked back towards the place where the security officer had been vaporized one last time, lamenting to yourself that you hadn’t even known his name.

They gripped you and Christine by the neck and arms and marched you down long hallways that seemed both familiar and foreign. The lighting was much dimmer on this ship, and everything seemed much darker and ominous in contrast to your ship’s bright, open corridors. You and Christine exchanged a frightened look but you could do nothing but go where they led you, the officer’s grip painful on your neck. You heard Christine gasp softly and looked over to see her security officer had grabbed a fistful of her hair and was leading her along by it.

They led you down a last hallway that felt more familiar to you, and you realized you were being led into the med bay. It was a dark and gloomy place; the beds and all the equipment were dark grey or black, and the dim lighting made it seem more like an interrogation area than a medical facility. You suddenly realized just who might be here and your pulse sped up again, your heart pounding against your ribs as you looked over at Christine with fear in your eyes. Could Leonard have an evil clone as well? You feared you already knew the answer, and Christine gave you a tiny nod, knowing what you were wondering.

When you got to the med bay entrance, the officer who had been leading you handed you over to the one holding Christine, who grabbed your upper arm and held it in a vice grip while his fellow entered the med bay and disappeared for a moment. You heard a knock on a door not far away, and barely managed to hold in a gasp as the voice that answered was an intimately familiar one.

“You better have an excellent reason for interrupting me, Lieutenant.” Leonard’s voice was cold and angry, and you felt your heart go cold with fear and dread at the very sound.

“Captain’s orders, sir.”

“Then he better have a damn good reason.” Leonard’s words were practically a snarl now, and you tensed, wishing dearly that you could run as you heard a chair being pushed back and then footsteps approaching. Then he was there, in front of you, and you could do little more than gape at him.

Leonard looked at once exactly the same and horribly different. He stood tall and confident in his uniform, his shoulders and sash a direct match to Starfleet’s Sciences blue. The red Empire insignia stood out harshly against the white of the uniform coat, but the most startling change to his appearance was a harsh scar marring his left eye, from his forehead halfway down his cheek, with darkened scarring around the eye itself as well. It gave his face a hard, almost cruel appearance, and the sight of him made your blood run cold.

“Who are they?” Leonard asked in the same cold voice, gesturing carelessly at you and Christine. “Why do they look like two of my staff?”

“They beamed on board, sir. Right into the Bridge. The officer that appeared with them claims they’re nurses, so Captain Kirk thought you may have some use for them.” The officer who had led you there looked thoroughly amused by your predicament, smirking at you as he stood beside the CMO.

“Did they really?” Leonard asked, looking vaguely interested, an eyebrow raised. “And the other officer that beamed on board with them?”

“Dead, sir.”

“Excellent.” One side of Leonard’s mouth curled into a cruel smirk as your heart began to pound harder, unable to grasp how someone who looked so like your Leonard could ever speak like that about a person’s death. “Bring them into the med bay. Back room.”

The officer holding both yours and Christine’s arms started to move forward, but you were still frozen in shock, staring at Leonard, and your legs weren’t responding properly. He tugged hard on your arm as you failed to move and though you tried to get your foot out in time, you stumbled and missed. You let out a small yelp as you toppled forward and slammed hard into the floor on your side, unable to break your fall with your bound arms. You heard someone make a noise of contempt and looked up to see Leonard sneering at you.

“Pathetic. How you people survive is beyond me,” he said in disgust. “Get up, you pillock,” he snapped, and you struggled to turn yourself over. You saw Christine try to move towards you out of the corner of your eye, but the officer holding her jerked on her arm to keep her in place. You eventually managed to get yourself onto your knees, then shakily stand. The officer holding Christine grabbed your arm again and dragged you forwards, past where Leonard was still standing, watching you. The officer standing beside him, the one that had originally been leading you, suddenly stuck out his foot as you passed, and as you tried to take a step forward, your foot caught on his and you tripped. You cried out as you toppled forward again, nearly smashing your head on a bio bed but just missing, crashing to the floor once more. Leonard whirled around, looking murderous, when he noticed the officer beside him laughing, and clearly figured out what he’d done.

“Get the fuck out of here, now, before I order you into an agony booth,” Leonard snapped, and the officer sobered very quickly. He saluted Leonard, shot the other officer a look and then hurried off without further ado.

As you struggled to roll onto your side again, a hand grabbed the collar of your jacket from behind, briefly choking you as they lifted you by it, setting you roughly on your feet. You staggered a bit, leaning on the bio bed you’d almost crashed into for balance, and swallowed hard when you saw Leonard standing over you, glowering down at you.

“I think I’ll work on you first,” he said in a smooth, cool voice. “See what makes you tick.” You had no idea what “working” on you meant, but you were scared. You glanced over at Christine, who looked very worried and like she wanted to help, and you shook your head the tiniest bit at her as she opened her mouth.

“Hey, doctor,” Christine called, and your eyes widened, already wishing she would shut up. Leonard turned slowly to look at her, seemingly incredulous that anyone would dare speak up to him. “Why don’t you pick on someone of equal intelligence to yours? She’s just a simpleton.” You could tell the words were designed to get the evil Leonard to leave you alone, so you weren’t insulted by them, but you were terrified for her as he stared at her. You still couldn’t seem to make your voice work, and you watched in dread as a look of fury and then amused disbelief flickered over Leonard’s face.

“You think you’re as intelligent as me,” he repeated, his voice sharp. “You.” He stood there, appraising her coldly, a humorless smirk on his face. When Christine’s defiant expression did not waver, he gave a sharp exhale that might have been laughter and shook his head. “Alright, then.” He turned to the officer still holding Christine’s arm. “Strap her to the bed. Take off her suit first.”

Leonard reached out for you and grabbed your upper arm, squeezing it tightly as he pulled you forwards. You stumbled and tried to keep up with him as he dragged you towards the side of the bed, trying to stop yourself pulling away at his touch. It disgusted you to be touched by this evil man, but you had a feeling outright defying him would not go well for you, so you attempted to do as he said, no matter how repulsed you felt. He reached behind you and unhooked the cuffs, allowing your arms to be free.

“Take off your suit jacket,” he snapped at you, and you hesitated for only a split second, moving to obey as he glared at you. Your shaking hands slowly undid the jacket and slipped it off of your shoulders as he stared down at you. You kept your gaze cast downwards, avoiding his eyes, and jumped as he ripped the garment out of your hand once it was off, throwing it to the side. You felt exposed in your thin white tank top, your bra clearly visible through the see-through material. A quick glance upward showed you his smirk and you quickly looked away again, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Now the pants,” he ordered, pointing at them. You hesitated again, well aware that you only had a pair of boyshort style panties on underneath, and feeling very apprehensive about exposing yourself. He let out a growl and suddenly his hand was at your throat, his fingers wrapping around and squeezing tightly. You let out a squeak of terror as he applied more pressure to your throat, cutting off your airway as your eyes finally snapped up to his. He glowered down at you, but then looked to the side to see a nurse passing by and snapped at her instead.

“You. Give me your agonizer,” Leonard snarled at her, and she stopped dead, fear flickering in her eyes.

“What? Why? I haven’t done anything wrong, sir,” she said, her voice an attempt at confidence. You let out a choking noise and reached up to grab at his arm, dark spots appearing in your vision as the seconds ticked by and you were still unable to breathe.

“Do as I say or I will use it on you this moment,” Leonard snarled, and the nurse, alarmed, handed over a small, triangle-shaped device from her belt. “Now get out of my sight.” The nurse did not need to be told twice and disappeared immediately from the doorway, as Leonard turned back to you. You were struggling against his hold in earnest now, though there was little use; he was very strong and you were already weakening, your vision going dark around the edges as you neared unconsciousness. He let go of your throat enough to open your airway and you gasped for breath as air flooded into your lungs, coughing as you struggled to take a few deep breaths.

“If you ever disobey a direct order I give you, I will use this on you,” he growled at you, holding up the device. “This is an agonizer. I’ll let you guess what it does.” Your eyes were wide and you stared at the device, your mind still swimming from the lack of oxygen, not really understanding what he was saying. You could feel your pulse pounding hard, reverberating against his fingers at your throat, and you felt dizzy enough to fall over if he hadn’t still been holding you up. When you didn’t really give a sign that you understood, he let out a noise of disgust.

“Do you understand what pain is, simpleton?” Leonard asked mockingly, and you nod, still too afraid to speak. “Yes,” he mused, reaching out and touching your bloody lip with his thumb, making you recoil involuntarily. “It seems someone has already begun teaching you that lesson.”

“She’s ready for you, sir,” the other officer said, and you glanced around to see Christine, in her normal uniform, lying on the only bio bed in the room, strapped to it by her wrists, ankles and a strap over her waist. Your lips parted and your face clearly showed your concern as you looked at her, because Leonard smirked as he watched you, then released his hold on you.

“Good, now leave,” Leonard told the officer, who saluted him briefly and then left with haste, clearly not wanting to be around for a second longer than he had to be. He looked back at you and narrowed his eyes. “Take those suit pants and boots off. Now.”

This time you didn’t hesitate; you’d rather be exposed than choked again, so you reached down and quickly unbuttoned your heavy survival suit pants and slid them off, avoiding his eyes again as you revealed your bare legs. You draped the pants over a nearby table and pushed the boots closer to it as well, keeping your eyes downward as you could feel him looking you over, taking in your form. He made a soft noise of approval as his eyes roved over your body and you crossed your arms over your stomach uncomfortably, wishing you were anywhere but here.

“Be a good little girl and sit there and watch,” he ordered you with a crisp, no nonsense tone, pointing at a metal, straight-backed chair nearby. “Or I will tie you down.” You gulped and slowly lowered yourself into the chair, staring in fear at Christine as the evil Leonard approached her.

“Now, do you really think you’re even close to my intelligence?” he asked, pacing around her bed as Christine stared unblinkingly at the ceiling.

“Absolutely,” she replied, her voice hard. Leonard let out a soft noise of derision, shaking his head.

“Unbelievable,” he said, turning his back on her for a moment as he retrieved something from a counter behind him. When he turned around again, he was holding a large, elegantly carved knife, with a blade that looked lethally sharp and glinted in the light from above. You gripped the arms of the chair in fear as he moved back to Christine’s bedside and loomed over her.

“We’ll see how smart you think you are, nurse, once I’ve dealt with you for a while.”

You watched in horror as he reached out with one hand and took Christine’s chin in a firm grip, controlling her head movement, then brought the knife to her face. Christine let out a gasp of pain, clenching her fists as he slid the knife along the underside of her cheekbone, a line of red welling up immediately in its wake.

“No!” you cried, standing up immediately, staring in horror as droplets of blood started to slip down Christine’s cheek. “Stop!”

“Ah, so she does speak,” the evil Leonard commented, glancing over at you with a raised eyebrow. “Sit down, simpleton, or have you forgotten our deal?” Leonard looked away from you again, clearly expecting to be obeyed, and pressed the knife to Christine’s cheek again, ready to cut a second line under the first. Christine shot you a look that clearly said she expected you to do as you were told, but you couldn’t stand to see her like this; she was your best friend, and you couldn’t just sit there while she was being hurt. So you leapt forward, despite the fear coursing through you and the voice in your head screaming that it was a bad idea. As he cut her for the second time, you ran around the edge of the table and grabbed his hand as he pulled back from her face. You tried to peel the knife out of his hand, and when that didn’t work, you attempted to twist it, like the officer had done to you to make you drop your phaser, but Leonard was not as easy to manipulate.

Leonard swept his arm back forcefully, shoving you hard enough that you stumbled and crashed into the wall behind you as he spun around, clearly furious at your daring.

“You must have a death wish,” he spat, pointing his knife at your throat as he moved closer. The tip of the knife made contact with your neck directly below your chin and you stopped moving, breathing hard. The tip of the knife was extremely sharp and you could feel it pricking your skin uncomfortably as he glowered at you.

“P-please, don’t hurt her,” you pleaded, glancing over at Christine, who was staring at you fearfully, blood now slipping from both of the cuts on her cheek.

“I will hurt her all I want,” he told you, venom lacing his tone. “And we had a deal.” Leonard reached over to his counter, never wavering in his grip of the knife he was holding to your throat, and retrieved the agonizer he’d taken from the passing nurse. “This is what real pain feels like,” he said in a low voice, before he pressed the agonizer to the bare skin just below your collarbone.

Instantly you were flooded with the worst pain you had ever felt in your life, like your entire body was being hit by a thousand lightning bolts at once. You heard yourself scream as the fire spread through you, pinned against the wall and unable to move away. Your skin burned where the agonizer was pressed, and agony spread all over your body from the point of contact. You were just wondering how long you would be able to stand this pain, crying out again, when he removed the device from your chest. Immediately the pain stopped, but you felt extremely dizzy and nauseated, and your legs were so wobbly that you slowly slid down the wall, unable to hold up your own weight anymore. You stayed on the floor in a daze, cold sweat beading over your skin as you sat there, trembling, all thought from your mind gone for a moment as you tried to catch your breath.

Leonard reached down and grabbed your upper arm tightly, hoisting you to your feet and dragging you over to the chair you’d abandoned, all but throwing you down into it. You barely managed to stay on the chair; you were so unbalanced that you nearly toppled off, managing to stay up only by grabbing the arm as tightly as you could. He returned to your side and roughly manipulated you into a normal sitting position before grabbing each of your forearms in turn and tying them tightly to the arms of the chair. Still dazed, you didn’t fight him as he tied you down, staring down at your own knees as he stood up. He fisted a hand in your hair and tilted your head upwards, forcing you to look at him.

“Now sit there, silently,�� he told you, his voice dangerously calm. You gave a tiny nod and he released your hair and turned away from you, leaving you sitting there, still trembling.

“What did you do to her?” Christine demanded as he returned to her side, looking at your drooped form in concern.

“Nothing she can’t bounce back from,” he said smoothly, retrieving his knife. “So, where were we?”

You watched, your brain slowly unfogging, as the evil Leonard lifted the hem of Christine’s uniform shirt, slicing it slowly down the middle until he’d cut through it all, opening the shirt and exposing Christine’s chest, leaving her in nothing but a bra from the shoulders down.

“You like what you see?” Christine asked, a defiant note in her voice as Leonard looked over her bare skin. He made a non-committal noise, then glanced over at you.

“I think I’d like her more,” he commented, a slow smile curling his lips. Though his eyes looked nothing like the real Leonard’s, his smile absolutely did and you looked away, unable to handle seeing it on this imposter’s face. Christine could obviously see the distress on your face and spoke again, and you knew she was trying to draw the attention back to her.

“Wouldn’t you rather be with someone that’s your equal?” Christine asked, drawing his gaze back to her. “I could give you a real run for your money.” Leonard snorted delicately, then, without a word, slowly drew the knife along Christine’s stomach, from the centre of her torso towards the side, watching the blood well up. Christine gasped, and you struggled against your bonds for the first time, brought back to your senses by her noise of pain. He lifted the blade and then drew it along her stomach again, making a new cut below the one he’d just made. Christine clenched her teeth, letting out a hiss of pain, and you could see she was trying her best not to cry out.

“To be my equal, you’d have to be a lot of things that you are not,” he explained, lifting the knife and watching a drop of blood slip down the blade. Christine’s chest was rising and falling a lot faster now, and you knew she was trying to breathe through the pain without making a sound. “You don’t have the stomach to do even half of what I do, for starters.”

“Sure I do,” Christine answered, and you were amazed she was able to make her voice so steady despite the trail of blood slipping down her side and dripping down to the bed below her.

“Leave her alone!” you cried, unable to stop yourself as he moved in to cut her for a third time and you saw her tense, bracing for the pain. “She’s done nothing to you!”

“I told you to stay silent,” he growled at you, and Christine shot you a desperate look. You knew what she was trying to do for you, keeping his attention diverted to her, but you couldn’t stand to see watch this, to see her getting hurt while you sat here and did nothing. You swallowed hard but met his gaze, trying to be brave and confident even in your fear, like Christine.

“I’m not just going to sit here while you torture my friend!” you shot back at him, wondering if you were making a terrible mistake but doing it anyway. Your heart skipped several beats as Leonard paused, staring at you. You gasped as, instead of coming after you, he lowered his knife to Christine again and added a third cut to her stomach, making her cry out in spite of herself. He lifted the knife and moved towards you, holding the bloody blade barely inches from your face as he spoke.

“You don’t have a choice,” he hissed at you, slapping the broad side of the blade on the back of your hand to indicate your tied wrists, making you jump with a small noise of fear. You noticed that a bit of Christine’s blood had transferred from the knife to your skin and you felt your stomach lurch as you stared at the red spot. “And if you can’t stay silent, I will silence you.” He stood up again, and an idea seemed to occur to him as he looked from you to Christine and back again.

Leonard set his knife down on the counter, moved over to the bed and began undoing the leather straps holding Christine down. She was clearly confused, watching what he was doing, but didn’t really move until he finished unstrapping her.

“Get up,” he ordered, and she did as she was told, sitting up and then swivelling so her feet hung over the edge of the table. She carefully hopped off the table and stood there while he stood over her, holding the agonizer. She eyed it warily, but made no move to run, trying to stand strong and be unafraid, ignoring your wide eyes as you feared for her.

“If you think you can stomach the things that I do,” he began, his voice so low you could barely hear it. “Then go and hit her with this.” He jerked his head towards you and held out the agonizer to her. You swallowed hard as she stared at him in disgust, clearly about to refuse. He leaned closer to her and whispered something in her ear that you couldn’t hear from this distance, and you felt a flicker of fear as her face hardened. She took the agonizer from him after a moment and after a brief hesitation, started to walk towards you.

“Christine?” you asked, your voice higher than normal and wavering. “What are you-?” You stared as she approached and leaned over you, oblivious to the blood over her stomach as you stared into her eyes. You could see a great deal of regret there, and the beginnings of tears in them as she moved her hand towards you.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, and you gasped in dread a second before she put the agonizer to your chest, right beside where it had touched you the first time. You could hear yourself screaming once more as the pain coursed through you again, electrifying your body. You jerked in your seat, wrenching your wrists where they were bound, but you could go nowhere, so you twitched and struggled as you sat, the blazing hot pain racing through your veins, feeling as though every cell in your body was on fire.

The pain didn’t last very long; it was only a few seconds before Christine pulled it away, unable to bear your screams. You slumped in your chair when it was over, limp and sweaty, your hands shaking uncontrollably as you attempted to catch your breath, coughing weakly. You couldn’t believe she’d done that to you, though you knew somewhere in the back of your mind that she wouldn’t have if she’d had a choice. You were too dizzy to even raise your head, and you stared blearily at Christine’s legs as you tried to recover.

“There,” Christine said, her voice hard again, though this time you could hear a slight waver she’d been unable to banish.

“Pathetic,” Leonard scoffed, taking the agonizer from her and shoving her back towards the table. “You proved nothing.” Christine resisted getting back up on the table, but you still couldn’t lift your head enough to watch, feeling like you might pass out at any moment. A second later, you heard her scream and the shock was enough for you to raise your head briefly. Leonard had pressed the agonizer to her chest as well and held it there for many long seconds. You watched in a daze as she cried out in pain, her body twitching as she struggled to stay upright. He held it to her chest at least twice as long as he had for you; eventually he pulled the device from her skin and her knees instantly buckled, the rest of her falling to the floor with a crash. She lay there, moaning, as your own head drooped again and you felt weak and sick, both from the nausea from the pain and sick with worry for both Christine and yourself.

You watched, still dazed, as he bent over to pick Christine up, clearly intent on putting her back onto the table. From behind, he looked just like your Leonard; the same stature, the same hair… and for a moment you tried to appeal to him, in the misplaced hope that maybe some of the goodness in your Leonard resided in this one as well, albeit very deep down.

“Leonard, please,” you croaked, forcing your head up again as you tried to implore him. “Please, leave her alone.” He froze where he stood, his back still to you, and you stupidly took it as a sign you were getting through to him. “Len, please… I know there’s some mercy in you somewhere, I’ve seen it.” You didn’t even know what you were saying anymore, just anything that came to your mind in an attempt to distract him from Christine, who was still moaning softly in his arms. He still didn’t turn around and after a few moments, he all but dropped Christine back onto the floor and slowly turned around, staring at you with an unreadable expression that slowly morphed into a smile, one that did not reach his eyes as your Leonard’s smiles did.

“Leonard?” he repeated, in a voice that suggested he was torn between being incredulous and pleased. “Len?” You felt your heart drop into your gut as he came closer to you, staring at you like you were an fascinating specimen he’d just discovered. “You care for my weak counterpart in that other universe, don’t you?” He stared at you expectantly, and you realized he was waiting for you to respond.

“N-No,” you answered, unable to keep the waver out of your voice and well aware that you sounded entirely unconvincing. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, I just-“

“Lies,” he said softly, and you tried to keep your face impassive as he crouched in front of you. “I can see it in your eyes. You love him, and it’s killing you to see me with his face,” he intoned, his voice cruelly soft, sounding so much more like your Leonard that you could barely stand it, nearly dissolving into tears. He could see the droplets welling in your eyes and smiled, knowing he was correct and victorious.

“Oh, this is a wonderful surprise,” he said, standing and rubbing his hands together. “Imagine the distress you’ll feel while I cut you, having to stare at your precious Len’s face while you scream…” He trailed off with relish and you stared back at him in horror, realizing far too late what a mistake you’d made, trying to connect with the good side of him. Clearly in this universe, he had no good side. You tried to lean away as he grabbed his knife and approached you, but he merely cut the ropes tying your wrists to the chair.

“Get up,” he ordered, and you stood shakily, your wobbly legs just barely holding you upright. “Go lie down on the bed while I deal with your friend.” You moved forward slowly, not trusting your muscles. Clearly you moved too slowly for him, because he shoved you and you gasped as you lurched forward, nearly stepping on Christine, who was still lying on the floor by the bed. You caught yourself on the edge of the bed and looked down, seeing that Christine’s face was slack and that she appeared to have passed out. Worried, you crouched at her side and reached for her neck, relieved as you felt her pulse thumping against your fingers, glad that it still seemed somewhat strong despite what she’d gone through already.

“I said on the bed,” he snapped at you and you stood again, staring at the bed. Christine’s blood had dripped onto it in several spots and you tried to climb up gingerly, avoiding them. Again, you moved too slow and he intervened, coming over and forcing you to lie down. You felt your stomach lurch again as you felt your thigh and shoulder come to rest on some of Christine’s blood and desperately tried to ignore the feeling as he strapped you down limb by limb, panic coursing through you the more trapped you became. When it came to your waist strap, he first cut your shirt down the middle like he had done Christine’s, leaving you in nothing but your bra and boyshorts on the cold metal table. He fastened the waist strap as you stared at the ceiling, determinedly not looking at him, feeling horribly exposed and scared.

You heard him moving around and then a clang of the metal chair, and you glanced over as he sat Christine into the chair and tied her there as he had done to you before. Her head was still lolled, but he slapped her once he’d gotten her settled and she woke with a start, clearly groggy. She slowly lifted her head and blinked a few times, trying to get things in focus. You could tell when she’d spotted you, strapped to the table in her stead, because her mouth fell open and there was instantly fear in her eyes.

“No, leave her, she’s-“ Christine began immediately, and Leonard rolled his eyes in irritation.

“Enough,” he growled, moving to a nearby drawer and taking out a length of cloth. “You two are nauseating.” Before Christine could say anything else, he forced the material into her mouth and tied it around the back of her head, sighing contentedly once he was done. “Ah, much better.”

Christine glowered at him but could do little else as she sat there, bound and gagged, her cuts still sluggishly oozing blood down her cheek and stomach. Leonard smiled and turned back to you, flicking a switch on the console next to your bed. There was a whirring noise and the black screen next to the bed suddenly lit up with your vitals as the bio bed came to life beneath you.

“Just so I can monitor you,” he said in a delicately mocking voice, picking up his knife again. “It’s what your ‘Len’ would do, isn’t it? Monitor you?” He leaned over you, looking down at your body as though he was trying to decide which area to carve into first. “Make sure you’re okay?”

He leaned in closer and set the knife down just below the small burns left behind by the agonizer below your collarbone, then pressed the still-bloody blade into your skin, drawing it across your flesh. You cried out in pain at the burning sensation of the cut, and heard the monitor beep faster as your heart rate sped up in response. You heard him laugh, a sharp exhale of his breath as he looked at the monitor and then back at you.

“I have to say,” he commented, looking you over once again while you tried to ignore the feeling of your blood oozing from the cut he’d made and slipping over your shoulder. “The other me at least has good taste.” You glared up at him as his eyes lingered on your body, from your legs, slowly up over your stomach and chest. He set the knife down beside your head and let his finger trail down your face, along your jawline. You turned your head but he just shifted his position, cupping your cheek in his large hand. He slowly slipped his thumb up over your chin and ran it along your lower lip, pressing on the split there as he got to it and making you wince. You tried to turn your face away again but he held fast to the side of your cheek, his fingers digging painfully into the soft flesh of the underside of your jaw and neck to keep you from moving.

He trailed his hand down your neck and over your collarbone, stroking the skin there almost lovingly as he trailed lower. Your heart was racing again, and as his hand neared your breasts, the monitor beeped, signalling the increase.

“You’re enjoying this too, then?” he asked, smirking at you. You looked away from him, trying to stop your chin shaking as you fought tears; the last thing you wanted to do was break down; he’d only take advantage of it and torture you more. Still, it was repulsive and violating to have his hands on you and you shook as he slid both of his palms down your chest and over your stomach, touching and feeling every inch of the skin you had exposed.

“It’s rare that I am blessed to have a subject with such unscarred, youthful skin,” he commented, trailing a hand from the waistline of your panties up the centre of your torso, ending at your bra. “The blood will run so smoothly down your body. May I?” he asked in a facetious tone, collecting a pair of shears from the drawer next to him and indicating your bra.

“No, you may not!” you spat at him, though your words did nothing but amuse him.

“Unfortunately for you, the question was merely a formality,” he commented, opening the shears and moving closer. You squirmed as the cold metal blade of the shears settled on your stomach as he moved them upwards, ready to cut. You closed your eyes tight as he closed the shears and you felt the material of your bra give way, releasing your breasts as he cut the garment off of you. You whimpered without meaning to, turning your head away even with your eyes still closed, and he clucked his tongue in mock concern.

“Oh no, are you feeling exposed?” he asked, and you heard a soft thump as he tossed your bra aside. “Never fear, I’m not interested in you in that way,” he explained, “I’m not a monster. ” While you were glad to hear that, you didn’t exactly trust him. He crouched down beside the table so that his face was level with yours and whispered in your ear:

“I removed it so that the blood can run down your chest, unhindered by fabric or obstacle.” He smiled as your eyes opened, staring at him in disgust and fear, the monitor beeping loudly in the background. He stood again, and you felt the bed slowly tilting until it sat at an angle, your feet nearer to the floor than your head. You understood; now when he cut you, the blood would flow downwards over your skin, like some kind of sick abstract painting.

“Let’s get started then, shall we?” The evil Leonard picked up his knife again and began to cut just below the first cut he’d made, under your collarbone. You cried out, and then again as he cut another one below it, three cuts in a row that matched the ones on Christine’s stomach. You could feel the blood slowly slipping down your chest, and tried to breathe through the panic as he moved around to the other side of the bed. You cried out in pain again as he began to cut you on the other side, making three long identical cuts below your collarbone on that side too. You could hear Christine’s muffled yells but Leonard paid them no attention as he worked, methodically slicing your skin in parallel lines. Every time he sliced into your flesh, the monitor beeped in warning as your heart rate shot up, and each time he made a soft, satisfied noise, clearly pleased at your reactions.

By the time he was done with the cuts under your collarbone, your chest was rising and falling very fast, trying to deal with the pain and the panic coursing through you. Tears had slid from your eyes into your hair, unnoticed, and you were breathing extremely fast, feeling like the room was closing in on you as your heart beat wildly. Leonard looked satisfied with his work and watched the blood slipping down your skin for several long moments, clearly enjoying himself. Without your bra on, the blood was indeed leaving long, thin trails of red down your skin, flowing over the slight roundness of the edges of your breasts and slipping down between them.

After a while, once your blood had slowed to a snail’s pace, he began again, this time slowly dragging the blade in a diagonal line along your stomach, just under your breast. He did this three times on either side once more, moving agonizingly slow, and watched in satisfaction as the blood poured down your skin, watching you sob and try to keep it together. Your cries and screams seemed to be music to his ears but you couldn’t help vocalizing your pain as he sliced into your skin. None of his cuts were deep enough to cause damage to the organs or even the muscles below, but they were more than deep enough that you were pouring blood, and the pain was excruciating. You would almost have preferred the agonizer to this; at least that pain was over quickly. When he was cutting on you he took his time, and the slower he cut, the more it hurt.

You let your head flop in the other direction as he took his time to watch the blood again as though he were an artist assessing his painting, and made eye contact with Christine for the first time in a while. She had tears slipping down her cheeks as she stared back at you, and it couldn’t have been clearer how distressed she was at seeing you like this. You were too weak and in too much pain to do anything besides look back at her, at least until he took your face in his hand and forced you to turn it once more. You heard Christine yell again, but it was completely muffled through her gag and Leonard ignored her.

“I think I need to mark up that pretty face of yours,” he told you, with something akin to an excited purr in his voice. You tried to struggle against his hold but his grip was strong and he held you fast, turning your face away from him and exposing your cheek. You let out a strangled cry as he sliced along your cheekbone from near your nose towards your temple, then again beneath it, once again matching the wounds he’d given Christine. You tried to pull away again, but he held your head still, let the blood pour down your cheek, down your jawline and down your neck until it met up with the cuts below your collarbone. His face was very near yours and you shut your eyes tight, trying to avoid looking at his hideous face.

“I think I’ll give you a scar like mine,” he said after a moment of pondering, staring down at you thoughtfully. “It’ll look amazing.”

“No!” you cried, trying to pull away. “Please…” He smiled again and let go of your face for a moment, moving over to his counter and retrieving a different knife, this one with a slightly thicker blade.

“Finally you beg,” he said, inhaling deeply and then exhaling as though he was thoroughly content. “I’m honestly amazed it took you so long.” He leaned over you, holding this new knife, and you tossed your head back and forth, trying to avoid him. He grabbed your chin and squeezed tightly, then snapped at you, instantly losing his calm demeanor. “If you do not stop moving, I will cut out your eye as well,” he growled, and you swallowed hard, terrified of the prospect.

Seeing that you understood, he held your head still with the one hand and moved the knife to the unmarred side of your face. You closed your eyes, wishing for the millionth time that this was all just a terrible nightmare, as the cold blade settled above your eyebrow. You let out a soft scream as he slowly cut from your mid-forehead down into your eyebrow, skipped your eye and then cut back into your skin under it, over your cheekbone and partway down your cheek. The blood poured down your face from the wound, over your closed eye and down your cheek. He held your head sideways for a moment to admire what he’d done, and the way it was tilted directed some of the blood over your lips as it streamed towards your chin.

“Beautiful,” he whispered as you struggled to breathe without inhaling the scent of the blood or the blood itself, your whole body shaking like a leaf. You could taste your blood as a bit of it made its way between your lips and you gagged, trying to pull free for the millionth time. He laughed, and looked over at Christine, who appeared completely horrified by what he had just done. The evil Leonard’s comm suddenly went off and he paused, frowning. He let go of you and dug in his pocket for the device, cursing under his breath.

“What?” he snapped into the device. “I’m busy.”

“I need you on the Bridge, Doctor McCoy. Right now.”

“Captain, I’m busy—”

“Now.”

Leonard looked irritated as he shoved the comm back into his pocket, then looked over at you, watching the blood still streaming down your cheek from the cut over your eye. It seemed even the cruel doctor was not about to disobey a direct order from his captain, and you let out a shaky breath as he smirked at you.

“I’ll be back, don’t you worry,” he said to you, reaching out and stroking your cheek once before stalking out of the room, slamming the door behind him. You let out a large exhale and whimpered as you tried to breathe through the panic, avoiding Christine’s eyes at first. You were still shaking uncontrollably and trying to hold back sobs, tears streaming down your cheeks in his absence. You could hear Christine trying to talk, and eventually turned your head in her direction, making eye contact with her.

“We’re screwed, aren’t we?” you asked her, your voice hoarse and trembling with the tears. “Can they even find us in an alternate universe?!” Speaking made you taste the blood in your mouth more and you turned your head away from Christine for a minute and spat, trying to get the taste out of your mouth.

When you looked back, Christine was nodding, trying to reassure you. She spoke as slowly and enunciated as clearly as she could through her gag, and though you weren’t sure, you thought she was trying to say ‘they’ll come for us’. You didn’t know if you could believe her and shook your head a bit, chin wavering as you continued to cry.

“Are you okay?” you asked her after a moment, looking over at her as best as you could. You were pretty sure her cuts had stopped bleeding, but you were worried about her after having the agonizer pressed to her skin for so long; you could see the ugly pink burn it had left behind on her skin. Christine nodded in answer, then jerked her head at you and made a sound that you took to mean ‘you?’. You couldn’t help but shake your head; the pain was incredible and the longer you lay there, the more the wounds ached. You felt very dizzy even while lying here, like the room was spinning around you, and your stomach was greatly unsettled, waves of nausea rolling over you periodically. Christine’s wide eyes showed her concern and worry for you, but there was nothing either of you could do.

After a few moments you let your head rest back down on the bed, staring up at the dark ceiling as your heart slowly returned to a slightly less-frantic place. A few minutes later, you began to feel cold; it was very cool in the room, and in the absence of the adrenaline flooding you while the evil Leonard worked on you, you were really feeling the chill. Christine at least still had her bra and the cut-open Starfleet shirt on, as well as her normal uniform pants; you were strapped to the table in nothing but your underwear, and goosebumps began to form on your skin as you lay there, shivering. The regular beeping of the monitor lulled you into something of a trance, your exhaustion catching up with you, and eventually you fell into a state somewhere between unconsciousness and wakefulness, both aware and unaware of what was going on around you.

You didn’t know how long it had been since he had left; the time stretched on and felt like hours. You had no reference for the passage of time in the room, and when a noise somewhere nearby startled you out of your twilight sleep, you had no idea if it had been minutes or hours that had passed. For the first time, you looked around the room properly and realized it was a carbon copy of one of the operating rooms in the Enterprise. All of the furniture was exactly the same, albeit darker, and everything was arranged in the same way. Far from bringing you comfort, you heard the beeping of your monitor increase as the familiarity creeped you out more, making you wonder if something like this could even have happened on your own ship, in your own operating room.

Just when you were starting to wonder if you had been completely forgotten about, there was a thump just outside the room and both you and Christine jumped, your heart rate speeding up exponentially as you anticipated him stalking back into the room, but you couldn’t help but feel a flicker of hope, wondering if it could be possible that rescue was on its way. A second later the door swung open, and you craned your neck to see, praying you were about to see a rescue team.

“Did you miss me?” asked this universe’s Leonard as he sauntered back into the room, smirking at the look on your face. You let your head drop back to the table, defeated, and you heard him laugh at your reaction.

“What, did you really think you were going to be rescued?” he asked mockingly, as he strode over to the counter and picked up one of his knives again, the one streaked with your and Christine’s blood. He moved to your side and leaned down next to your face, which you turned away from him, dread gnawing at the pit of your stomach. “No one is ever going to rescue you,” he whispered, and you fought to control your panic as his lips brushed your ear. “You’re mine, now.”

He smiled cruelly as he stood up, and you kept your face turned away, trying desperately to control your panic at his words. Your chest was heaving as you tried to breathe, and your fists were clenched so tightly your knuckles were turning white.

He didn’t speak again, and you didn’t know what he was doing until he took hold of your fist and pried your grip apart, holding onto your fingers. Without warning, he cut across the back of your hand, prompting a scream of pain from you as he drew the knife slowly across your flesh. You could feel blood already pouring from the wound and down your fingers, and you cried out from the stinging pain of the cut.

“Wonderful,” he murmured, and you glanced over just long enough to see him raptly watching the blood pouring out, an almost manic look on his face.

“Stop,” you moaned, as he let go of your hand and you felt him move up your arm. “No more, please…” The wetness coating your fingers had kicked your nausea into overdrive and you moaned again, turning your head away.

Seconds later you felt the blade again, this time on your upper forearm, and another scream escape you as he began his slow stroke across your flesh. However, before he’d had a chance to finish this cut, the door crashed open, scaring the shit out of Christine and snapping you out of the pain of the wound he was inflicting just enough to lift your head, staring towards the door.

“Drop your weapon!” a familiar voice yelled and you blinked, hardly daring to believe your eyes as the real Captain Kirk stormed into the room with his phaser pointed at Leonard’s doppelgänger. Kirk was quickly following by several security officers, Mr. Chekov, and – your heart thudded anxiously in your chest at the sight of him – the real Leonard McCoy.

Evil Leonard whirled around from where he was cutting your arm to face the mob, and you heard a murmur of horror go through the officers at the sight of you, exposed and covered in blood. The evil Leonard’s eyes found the actual Leonard and smirked at him, glancing over at you and back at him. You could see fury in your Leonard’s eyes, and he stepped forward until he was shoulder to shoulder with Jim, holding out his own phaser.

“You’re going to pay for what you did to her, you son of a bitch,” Leonard snarled, and his angry voice was so like the evil Leonard’s regular voice that you winced and turned away, wishing this would all just stop. The evil Leonard looked over at you, laughing cruelly at the pain on your face, then looked back at the real Leonard with an almost gleeful expression.

“You may have gotten her back,” the evil Leonard said, eyes on his counterpart. “But good luck getting her to trust you ever again, when you look just like me…”

With those crushing words, the evil Leonard let out a yell and brought down the knife that he still held, driving it into your chest, just below your ribcage. As he was plunging it downwards, several phasers beams shot out and hit him, but not before he’d successfully driven it into you. A scream of agony tore your throat as the evil Leonard stumbled, pulling the knife out again. A split second later, he vanished in a poof of smoke and steam, vaporized just like the security guard had been earlier.

You could barely understand anything that happened after that, however, as the excruciating pain from the stab wound took over your mind. Blood was pouring down your stomach from the wound and there was a general cacophony of panic as several people rushed to your side. You cried out in agony as someone pushed against the stab wound; somewhere in the back of your mind you knew they were trying to stop the blood, but all you could feel was more pain and you kept moaning and crying out, begging them to stop, your words slurred.

Leonard was the one pressing on your wound and he could hardly bear to look at you as you lay there, moaning. He was beyond enraged at what had been done to you, and beyond heartbroken at how clearly traumatized you were, tossing your head back and forth weakly, begging almost incoherently for him to stop pressing on the wound.

“I know, sugar,” he said to you, as you moaned at him to stop. “I know it hurts, I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked with emotion but he kept pressing on your wound, even as the officers hurried to unstrap your body. “Someone cover her up,” he choked out, and Chekov hurried over, holding your survival suit jacket that he’d found on the table.

“Here, sir,” he said, handing it over to Leonard, who gestured for Chekov to take over holding pressure for a moment. When he did, Leonard gently draped the jacket over your chest, trying to give you back your modesty and get some warmth back into your skin.

“Thank you, Chekov, I’ve got it,” Leonard said, returning to your stab wound. You gasped in pain again as he pressed down and tried to use your newly-freed arms to push him away, but your strength was negligent. Leonard’s heart broke even more as you cried, weakly batting at his hands, though he didn’t budge; holding pressure on this wound was critical and no amount of heartbreak was going to make him let go.

“Bring it here,” Kirk’s voice suddenly called and he and several security officers appeared, maneuvering a hover-stretcher into the room.

“We’re going to move you now,” Leonard told you, though you barely heard or understood him. He took a deep breath and then scooped you into his arms, wincing as you let out a loud cry of agony, your head falling back over his arms. He quickly stepped over to the stretcher and lay you on it, then resumed the pressure on your wound as you lay there, moaning.

“We need to go fast, she’s probably going to need surgery,” Leonard told Jim urgently. “We’ve got to get back now!”

“On it,” Jim said, hurrying to the end of the stretcher and gesturing to the security officers and Mr. Chekov. “Let’s go!”

They spread out ahead of you, taking down everyone in their path as Leonard, one security officer and Christine hurried along beside the stretcher, following them.

“Are you okay?” Leonard asked Christine, looking over at her as they hurried along. Christine was lagging a bit but trying her best to keep up; she was pale and clearly exhausted, limping along as fast as she could. Leonard could see cuts and blood on her face as well, any other damage hidden under the survival coat she’d pulled back on.

“I’ll live,” she said, her voice strained as you let out a cry of pain. “I just want to get her back right now,” she glanced down at you as she spoke, and Leonard could see the intensity of her concern in her eyes. He could only imagine how horrible it would’ve been to not only get tortured yourself, but then watch it happening to your best friend and be able to do nothing about it.

“You’ll both be okay,” he told her, his jaw set, though his voice wavered a bit as he looked down at you.

“I’ll make sure of it.”

* * * * * * * * * * *

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