#only allowed to do the stereotypically feminine thing
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i just deleted a really long post about why it is not right to feminise a a character or to headcanon someone as trans only to force them into the gender roles of their AGAB. but i'm too tired to edit it rn so i'm just going to say this:
stop it.
#it's gotten so bad with regulus and it makes me so sad#people just don't seem to want to let regulus be like just a guy#and there's a difference between having like a fluid gender expression or like just being a bit feminine#and what i see a lot of where regulus is just The Girl and is only ever spoken of in feminine coded language#only allowed to do the stereotypically feminine thing#following heterosexual relationship patterns to a t#maybe it's because i kin reg and i love the headcanon that he's trans#so when i see people doing this it feels like a personal attack#so maybe i'm being a bit unfair#but also it just seems really transphobic and i want it to stop regardless#reggie#marauders#regulus black
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"Affirmation" & Malgendering
"Fine, I'll 'respect' your gender, but I'll make it absolutely miserable for you. What? You don't like the way I'm 'affirming' your gender?
Guess you'll have to stop being a (trans) man then."
I want to put something out there about what I call "malgendering". I see trans men talk about the phenomenon and acknowledge it as a part of antitransmasculinity but not the concept of "malgendering" itself and what it's purpose is, and as trans men and transmasculine people are especially caught in the lose-lose situation between misgendering and malgendering I think it is an important concept to establish. The erasure of transmasculinity, particularly as a unique gender and gendered experience, also serves to keep the transmasculine trapped within this double-bind, positioned between the gender binary of cis patriarchal ideas of womanhood and manhood, where for us there is only misgendering (being abused with the Woman gender) or malgendering (being abused with the Man gender).
I define malgendering as the practice of "validating" someone's gender identity only when it can be used against them and to hurt them, and malgendering almost always involves the enforcement of only the most negative sexist stereotypes available onto the victim with none of the "positives". If misgendering is forcefully pushing you back into your 'proper place' such as by calling you a "girl" or a "her" and showing you that you're really a woman through sexual assault -malgendering is scaring and traumatizing you into it by using your own gender against you. Malgendering is the realization that you don't need to misgender someone to hurt them or to punish them for the way they identity and push them towards the gender they're 'supposed' to be - you can do all that through 'validation'. It's psychological warfare on the sense of self.
This violence and abuse under the guise of "respect" and "identity affirmation" creates plausible deniability of intent and places the blame on the victim for "identifying that way", so much so that even other trans people will defend it and believe it's not maligned (especially because "but being seen as and treated as your gender is what trans rights is all about!" and "errm but its transphobic to not treat u this way?/ur misgendering urself by wanting to not be treated this way :/" with the hidden message being "don't like it? stop being trans"), even when faced with evidence of the (very much intended) effects it has on stalling and outright eliminating transmasculinity (ie. repression, detransition, suicide).
Some examples I can pull off the top of my head:
A transphobe is talking about a pregnant trans man. The whole energy of the Facebook video is 'comedic', and while calling birth the most “feminine” thing someone can do and alluding to how the trans man is really a woman, they still use he/him and call him a “guy” (in air-quotes). Not out of any respect but because the idea of a man being pregnant, calling a pregnant person a "he", and the very existence of the trans man in question, is the whole joke. In doing so, the transphobe has turned the act of using the proper pronouns and gendering him into a source of humiliation and made the experience of being properly gendered a demeaning one.
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The Ukraine military situation where all males aged between 18 and 60 were banned from leaving the country and obliged to serve in the military. Trans women were denied passage out of the country "because they were men", and trans men were similarly denied passage out of the country "because they were men". With the discrepancy between invalidating the gender of trans women and "validating" the gender of trans men, you'd think the motivation behind this would be obvious - that trans people are expendable meat and it's better they die than cis people. It shouldn't of needed to be said that "I'm only affirming your gender because it allows me to put you in a position where you will likely suffer and die and put the blame for it on you" is not 'respect' or 'affirming' at all but somehow this was taken as evidence for the idea of that trans men are more 'respected' and seen as their genders than others (and are thus 'privileged').
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A common one almost every trans guy deals with at some point is cis people threatening to beat trans men up (and often following through), because "If you're a man and not a woman (anymore) that means I can punch you," using the proximity to masculinity that transmasculine people claim as a justification for violence. Every other week there's a new story in online transmasculine spaces about someone having their ribs broken with "Since/if you want to be a man so bad-" preceding the attack.
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The above is in a similar vein to when accounts of violence done to transmasculine people by cisgender men are brushed off and they're told something along the lines of "welcome to being a man", "that's just what men do to each other", "that's just the way things are with men", etc. along with the insistence that their attack had nothing to do with antitransmasculinity, making it an immutable problem with (cis)men as a whole - creating a sense hopelessness and that this is all they have to look forward to.
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Transmasculine individuals being refused treatment, tests, or insurance for gynecological issues, especially cancer, despite the knowledge that they are transmasculine, because "men don't deal with these problems" and they don't want "men in women's spaces", and if you don't want to be 'treated like a man' and get the care you need (and not die), you're going to have to go ahead and detransition, change that M marker back to an F.
All of this functions to create contention, and eventually a rift, between the individual and their sense of gender identity. Creating an association between being gendered 'correctly' and 'respected' as your gender (and ultimately existing as a transmasculine person) with abuse, violence, helplessness, trauma, fear, isolation... and by making transmasculinity and transmanhood uninhabitable and driving a wedge between the individual and their sense of gender identity you can more easily drag them back to their 'proper' place. Plant seeds of doubt by making being transmasculine an exceedingly unhappy experience. Make them think that everything that's happened is their own fault for choosing to be transmasculine or trying to be a man. That maybe since they're so unhappy this isn't for them. That living as a transmasculine person is just too difficult and they're not cut out for it, that if they "gave up" and were to be women again things would be easier and they would be safer and happier.
This also all serves to maintain cis patriarchal ideas of gender and the gender binary and police the boundaries of manhood, in a way I can't articulate right now.
Through all this, despite being called "men" during malgendering, we are not actually perceived as such. We are always an "other". Acknowledging us as "men" is just another weapon, and why some transmascs flinch at the phrase "trans men are men". Our own genders are used to beat us.
Using a scrap from my .txt journals:
"[...] on the subject of having a core aspect of yourself taken from you and turned into a weapon to beat you with, with the result being that aspect of yourself now becoming a source of trauma and pain so you abandon it and lock it away like an awful secret, that’s exactly what happened with my gender.
Being genderless and a(nti)binary is what I’m most comfortable as, a(nti)gender is my ~real gender~, but I have to admit a lot of this is because I have been traumatized out of any gender with binary associations and have consequently come to know gender itself, and the act of gendering, as violence. Gender is but a designation for what exploitation, abuse, and violence can be enacted upon you and the justification there of. When someone asks whether you are "masc" or "femme", behind their back as they face you is a hammer in one hand, and a knife in the other, and what they are actually asking is if they can pummel you or lacerate you. When it comes to the “direction” I’m transitioning in though, it is obviously “masculine” (as much as a negation of "femininity" is always taken as stepping towards "masculinity") and you wouldn’t be entirely wrong to call me “transmasculine”, though I have been scared to death of being acknowledged as such."
My first encounter with malgendering was when I was 13 and had just started to realize I was "ftm" and looking for community online. My first exposure to any affirmation of transmasculinity was someone I came to respect reblogging a post about how Kill All Men includes trans men. This would set the precedent of the next decade of my life of existing while transmasculine. A decade of only hearing the words "trans men" and "transmasc" used negatively and as the butt of jokes that served to reinforce patriarchal ideas of gender. The consistent and relentless denial of transmasculinity as a unique gender and gendered experience, the denial of transmasculine reality especially in regards to misogyny, and continuous abuse and threats of violence, all under the guise of affirming trans men's genders as men (and affirming the gender binary in the process). A decade of having antitransmasculine sentiment fed to me in every way possible.
For me, the experiences of antitransmasculinity and malgendering from non-transmascs has effectively "chased" me out of my transmasculinity and any acknowledgement of it. For years I have hidden my transmasculinity and presumed "AGAB" out of fear, even in queer and supposedly trans-friendly spaces. I have not been able to associate with any “masculine” language in reference to myself without feeling that I am in imminent danger, have made a grave mistake, and suffocating in anticipation of punishment. I have always been scared of posting any of my art that eludes to my transmasculinity. I have always been terrified of being referred to or perceived as “transmasc”, a “trans man”, of being called a "guy" or “dude” or “bro”, of using "he/him" anywhere. All of it. Deep down on some level I do desire it, but it’s been forbidden and only aggravates existing wounds.
And this, in turn, pushed me out of associating with other transmasculine folks out of fear and internalized antitransmasculinity towards other transmasculine people, isolating me from any community or connection with anyone similar to me, exacerbating my loneliness and alienation as a youth to the point where now as an adult my ‘normal’ human social needs – connection, community, relationships, empathy – are completely broken. I don’t feel loneliness anymore, or the desire to connect to anyone, despite in ways being even more alone now than I was then. In a way I believe antitransmasculinity shaped the path of my schizoidism. Isolating and divorcing me from my transmasculinity and the world at large is what I understand to be yet another point of this type of antitransmasculine rhetoric - because when you've destabilized and isolated someone from their whole sense of self and community, they are much easier to control.
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Exercise: Exposing intersexism in yourself
Perisex (non-intersex) people please take time to work through this. I'd also appreciate if you reblogged, even if you don't have time to do the exercise.
When you think of an 'intersex body', what comes to mind?
-Do you think of a stereotypical "hermaphrodite"? (Ex. a penis + vagina, a penis + pair of breasts, a very feminine person with a beard)
Do you, or have you ever, used one of the following arguments;
-Intersex people are living proof that trans people exist/that gender/sex is not binary
-Intersex existing disproves everything TERFs/transphobes believe in
-Cis kids with hormone issues are allowed to take HRT or participate in sports, which is hypocritical against trans people
-Nobody is forcing kids into sex reassignment surgery or hormones, that isn't a thing that happens
-Any kind of argument which uses intersex people as a statistic, whether that is framing intersex people existing as either "common" or "rare"
Do you, or have you ever, said any of the following statements;
-Technically I'm biologically intersex now because I took HRT/had surgery, which makes me biologically nonbinary aka intersex
-I tell people that I am intersex/have a hormone condition to avoid discrimination
-I wish I was born as/could become intersex, it would help my dysphoria a lot
-Intersex people are so lucky because they're already biologically nonbinary, they don't even need to transition
-This animal was born with a mix of sex characteristics/without a sex/developed characteristics of the opposite sex over time, which means they're nonbinary/trans
When it comes to sex, do you;
-Believe that sex is binary
-Believe that all intersex people are infertile
-Believe that all intersex people produce both sperm and egg
-Fantasize about intersex bodies, or consume or create porn that displays either intersex bodies or exaggerated stereotypes of hermaphroditic bodies
-Ask invasive questions about what genitals or reproductive organs an intersex person has
-Treat AFAB/AMAB the same as "[non-medically-transitioned] perisex female/perisex male", such as saying "AFAB anatomy" when you really mean vulva, vagina, uterus, ovaries, breasts, and so on
-Believe that HRT/surgery makes you intersex
-Believe that intersex only covers certain types of variation in sex and not others (Ex. Counting ovotestes, CAIS, and CAH as intersex but not counting PCOS or Klinefelter's)
When it comes to creating (artwork, writing, videos, etc), do you;
-Wish to include an intersex character, but do little or no research on how to write/draw them
-Fail to consider how your work will affect real-life intersex people consuming your work
-Ask random intersex people to help you create an intersex character
-Wish to include an intersex character because you personally think intersex people are interesting, or because you are seeking to include as many marginalized identities as you can
-Create intersex characters because you personally find them sexy
-Refer to characters as "hermaphrodites"
-If you create pride artwork or sell pride artwork, if you include a large variety of other LGBT+ identities but do not include intersex, why is this?
When it comes to advocacy work, do you;
-Fail to bring up intersex issues in conversations which should directly involve them, such as the Kansas bathroom bill
-Attempt to push intersex people out of queer spaces by saying that they are not queer
-Fail to recognize or acknowledge how many anti-queer and anti-trans arguments are inherently also anti-intersex arguments
-Say that intersex people are just "collateral damage" or "just caught in the crossfire/targeted by mistake" when it comes to discussing discrimination
-Never think to bring intersex flags or pins or similar to pride even as an ally, contributing to pride being vastly void of intersex pride
-Never attempt to organize protests specifically for intersex rights, or never bring intersex issues up in LGBTQIA+ support groups or resource centers or online
-Never educate others on intersex issues or lift up intersex voices
-Believe that intersex people have more rights than other marginalized groups, or that they are not discriminated against for being intersex
-Believe that all intersex people who are discriminated against are only discriminated against because people believe that they are transgender
Now, not all of these will point towards you being intersexist; however, if you find yourself hitting several points listed here, you do likely have some internalized biases and intersexism to unpack.
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Himbo Maker: Misha
Misha was an Egirl: a European Guy In Real Life. He would do his makeup, put on fake eyelashes, a wig, and a pair of pink headphones with kitty cat ears, and stream video games online. He loved to troll new viewers by spending an hour or so doing a breathy, feminine voice, and then suddenly hit them with his natural Baltic baritone. The way the chat went crazy made it worth it every time.
The whole game was helped by how petit and curvy Misha had always been. Even in his twenties, he still had a soft, almost girlish body and stood at most of other guys’ sternums. Too bad he wasn’t a trans girl, or at least a gay boy, he sometimes thought, looking at his body in the mirror. Gay guys were supposed to go for little guys who looked like him.
One evening, Misha was just starting his stream when some user started acting really weird in chat. He had a username that almost seemed familiar to Misha, but the guy he was thinking of had always been polite and given insightful comments on Misha’s gaming. This guy’s messages were full of typos, and he couldn’t seem to stop talking about his muscles.
Misha was just about to ban the guy when an alert sounded: Misha’s charming, girly laugh, which indicated a user had just donated a hefty sum. Of course, it was this annoying brodude.
“Uh,” said Misha, almost forgetting to put on his femmy voice, “He says, “Bro, this guy liek wants to chat wiht u on stream.” And there’s a link in the donation.”
Clicking the link, Misha found himself looking at a chat website he’d never seen before. “Hold on, let me share my screen,” he simpered, sharing the chat window. Somehow, his usual screen name was already in the bar. It must have populated from his stream.
Mish-kittycat: Like, heyoooo! You okay with being on stream with me? (✿◠‿◠)
Himbo_mkr: No way, bruh! I love meeting new bros. Like, hi stream!
Misha was a bit offended that this chat partner would refer to him as a “bro.” But stream chat seemed interested, so he thought it could be worth a few minutes to humour the donater. It had been a fair amount of money.
Mish-kittycat: What do you want to talk about UwU
Himbo_mkr: Bro, you know that all I ever talk about are my sick gains and going out with guys, lmao
Okay, so this was a troll. They probably wanted to get Misha banned for lewdness or something. Still, at least it was original that the troll character was a gay guy. He rolled his eyes at the stream and said, out loud in his girl voice, “Looks like someone got mad enough to pay to speak with all this.” He gestured down his slim body in tonight’s outfit, a stereotypical Japanese maid costume.
Himbo_mkr: Huhuhu, bro, you clicked on the link. Didn’t force you to do it.
Misha froze. Of course the troll was watching the stream. “Heh, I don’t let meatheaded bullies boss me around,” he chirped, trying to save face.
Himbo_mkr: You sure? You sure like it when your chat bosses you around, bro.
Now this guy was just lying. Misha scowled, even though he knew the expression would make his foundation crack unattractively. “This is a really weird way to bully someone.” He looked at the stream chat, waiting for his subscribers to back him up.
But the character of the chat seemed to have changed. No, they had always been bossy, Misha suddenly remembered. They would tell Misha how to play his games all the time while he pretended to struggle. It was a key part of the dynamic of his channel that chat bossed him around, and right now they were telling him to go back to chatting with this guy. One guy even messaged, “No more talking, kitty. You’re only allowed to write in the chat.” Misha gave the camera a plaintive look, but listened. He always listened to his chat.
Mish-kittycat: So maybe you’re right about that one thing, but coming in here being rude is totally uncool (งᓀ‸ᓂ)ง
Himbo_mkr: Bro, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I was just tryna compliment you on your sick bis, dude.
Misha cocked his head, confused. He was the opposite of buff, that was why he was so good at dressing as a girl. But as he continued to think about it, he remembered all the hours he spent working on his arms. He kept a set of weights next to his bedroom door, and he did bicep curls to failure every time he went through the doorway. Yeah, his biceps were his pride and joy, and they were usually how he showed off his manliness when he revealed his deep voice and accent.
A tip came in. “Flex for us, kitty,” commanded the text-to-speech voice. With a smirk, Misha lifted up one of his arms, feeling it stretch the sleeve of his maid costume as the veins popped. Too bad the rest of his body hadn’t followed his arms and gotten bulky.
Himbo_mkr: We’re all waiting for you to drop your lifting routine, bro! You’ve been totally blowing up.
Misha blushed at the flattery. His physique wasn’t all that impressive. Sure, now that he thought about it, he had been really hitting the weights a lot and eating right. In fact, his room seemed to be full of lifting clothes and supplements as he looked around. But that was because some of his subscribers kept telling him to get to the gym and hit his macros. It had actually been really freeing to just let people pay to tell him what to do on his fitness journey. And it was paying off! Misha definitely couldn’t pass for a girl these days, which was why the channel had changed to be more about doing stuff in-game for the highest bidders.
The maid costume barely wrapped around Misha’s broad pecs, and the garters had torn when he’d tried to pull them up his thick thighs. Sure, it had been funny when the stream started and the chat had gotten Misha to show off his shoulder raises while dressed in a little maid skirt, but the polyester was really starting to chafe on his smooth muscles. It was a relief when a tip rolled in while Misha flexed and said “Kitty, wear comfy clothes.” The chat oooohed and aaaahed as Misha shucked the maid costume, showing off his bulky chest, and pulled on his favourite comfy shirt instead. Sure, it had some tears and stuff, but as a masculine guy, Misha wasn’t worried about dressing up fancy or anything.
The guy whose chat Misha was streaming had been quiet, so Misha hopped back over and sent another message.
Mish-kittyhunk: Thanks man! It’s all about trusting the process.
Himbo_mkr: I can tell that you trust people, bro! You’re like a puppy lmao.
Well, Misha thought, maybe he did like getting bossed around in chat, but it wasn’t like he trusted everyone blindly! Okay, well, maybe he did tend to stop to help people on the road and then lose his wallet a lot. They looked like they needed help! And maybe he did sometimes click on links that meant he needed to take his phone to the store for them to fix, but so did everyone else!
Looking at the chat, who were all laughing about Misha being a totally trusting puppy, Misha had to finally agree. That was why one of his subscribers had gotten him this headset with floppy dog ears on it, after all.
Mish-puphunk: Haha, you got me, dude! That’s why I clicked on this link, too XD
Himbo_mkr: It’s okay, bro. Lots of gay hunks are pretty dumb, it just adds to that himbo appeal.
This time this guy was definitely making stuff up. Misha was totally straight, he just didn’t do well with girls. Well, that and being a submissive hunk online mostly attracted a gay male fanbase. And, well, now that he thought about it, when was the last time Misha had really thought about a girl? Like, maybe if it was a domme? But no, even then, Misha would really prefer a guy to be involved at some point. This guy was probably right, Misha was gay.
It was super hard to think. There was a reason that Misha preferred to let chat do the thinking for him. Even before he realised how much he loved to listen when men told him what to do, Misha had never been much of a deep thinker. That was why most of the stuff in his room was gym gear, gaming stuff, or whatever his subscribers bought for him. Lately, they had been really loving when Misha wore even less clothes and showed off more of his growing body, and Misha was happy to oblige as long as they kept telling him what to do!
Mish-puphunk: Lol I guess you’re right! I just wanna give sirs what they want
Himbo_mkr: Bro, I totally get why you love pup play so much. You just love being obedient and dumb and empty lmao. You, like, pretty much live in your mask these days.
A pup mask…Misha was pretty sure one of his subscribers had sent him one of those once, but it had been really confusing to put on and he’d only worn it once. No, wait, that wasn’t right. Misha was such a ditz! He’d loved the experience of putting on the pup mask and letting himself be a dumb pup for his chat. And chat had loved sending in tips to give him commands like “sit,” “roll over,” and “stick a tail in your hole.”
It had been so popular that the subscribers had told Misha to make it a weekly thing, then a biweekly thing, and by now it had pretty much become what Misha did during his streams. While chatting with this guy had been fun, Misha really wanted to get on with the stream and mask up. He opened his mouth to tell the viewers that, but then remembered that he had been ordered not to talk. Too bad, chat would only hear his deep, resonant voice if they ordered him to bark after he put on his mask.
Mish-puphunk: Okay dude, I gotta go be a good dumb pup now.
Himbo_mkr: Got it, bruh! You got a bunch of hunky doms to please by being a good pup slut!
Chat cheered as Misha stopped streaming the chat window and winked at the camera. An especially hung dom who loved to tip had won the bid war last night to decide what Misha wore, so Misha fondled the straps of his leather harness as he got up to grab his mask. He wondered what his chat full of muscular, horny himbo doms would have him do today.
Misha slipped on the mask and let his mind go blank.
#male transformation#mental change#male tf#muscle tf#reality change#dumber tf#himbofication#himbo maker#pup tf#sub tf#all fwkong
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I’m a little disappointed to see so much discourse, fandom competitiveness, and plain arguing going around at the moment in regards to queer film/TV. People complaining about too much sex, not enough sex, too cheesy, made for the hets, too happy, too sad, too realistic, too unrealistic, and a million other petty issues. I, for one, am a queer person in my 50s and I grew up with practically zero representation! Yes, we want to continue onwards and upwards with quality and varied shows BUT let’s be HAPPY we now have representation! Like, actual shows where the central characters are queer, not just a side character who gets f*cking murdered! There is room for all different types of representation - so enjoy the types you like, and let others enjoy what they like.
And on a side note: progress is progress and film/tv is a business that has to turn a profit! If some queer content is made to appeal to the straight community, and will also act as a means of reducing homophobia and increasing understanding, then that’s a good thing. That means in the future more and more content will include queer stories and representation. If only 10% (ish) of the population is the maximum target audience then shows won’t keep getting made!
There is a huge backlash all over the world right now - a “push back” by conservatives and religious groups that want to wind back the clock, and specifically the last decade of advances.
So stick together queers and LGBTQIA+ allies.
I’m super happy knowing I don’t have to wait years between content anymore. And I’ve loved all different types of shows over the last 5 years, for lots of different reasons!
Interview with the Vampire - is giving me the toxic, passionate gothic love affair I’ve always wanted. And addressing interracial relationships.
Heartstopper - is filling me up with pure joy and hopefulness for the future.
Shameless - gave me Ian and Mickey - unique, anti stereotypical gays with a tragic yet ultimately beautiful love story spanning 11 years
Lone Star 911 - is giving me TK and Carlos whose sexuality barely factors into the storyline! Yay!
Looking - gave me an authentic queer experience and an intoxicating love triangle.
Red, white and Royal Blue - gave me a sweet, cute romcom that allowed reality to be sidelined. Fun escapism!
Young Royals - had me captivated by first love and intense angst.
Fire Island - an underrated romcom that made me laugh so hard I cried.
Sex education - shoved the realities of sex in our faces and provided me with laughter and drama and a range of queer identities.
Gentlemen Jack -gave me historical lesbians with spectacular wit, and feminine power.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg- because there’s SO SO SO many more shows I could mention! Don’t at me because I didn’t mention YOUR favourite. This is my point! There is SO much great content it would take all day for me to include everything. This is just a sample - and that’s f*cking brilliant!!
So maybe we could all start posting/tweeting etc about what WE DO LIKE / LOVE / MAKES US FEEL LOVED AND SEEN and put down the device if we’ve got nothing nice to say.
Sending everyone a love filled week! 💜
#interview with the vampire#amc iwtv#heartstopper#rwrb#red white and royal blue#nick and charlie#ian and mickey#shameless#louis and lestat#alex and henry#911 lone star#tk x carlos#queer as folk#sex ed netflix#fire island#bros#loveislove#queer love#ofmd#the l word#young royals#elite netflix#wilhelm and simon
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Mizu, Akemi and Gender as a weapon
Mizu's masculinity isn't something she dislikes or is seeking to be rid of. Even at her most feminine, Mizu is still androgynous. Not limited by gender performances, stereotypes and beliefs. It's all part of her. The doting lover, the skilled samurai, the knifemaker, the patron of arts. It just creates internal conflict when she's unable to connect to her femininity in a gendered society, knowing that her femininity will be seen as weakness. On the flipside, we know Mizu suppressed masculine parts of herself in her marriage with the expectation that they'll become a deal-breaker which also wasn't healthy. Mizu doesn't need the go-ahead to be traditionally feminine, she just needs space or a person/people who will allow her be herself without nitpicking parts of her. In that vein, I also wanna address how Akemi is also masculine in her own ways.
Just because she doesn't wield a sword or has an androgynous bodytype, doesn't mean that Akemi isn't masculine (the social understanding of it). She is very much so in her own right. Seki, her tutor, keeps aligning her with her father claiming that they have the same conviction in their beliefs in which their roots are unshakeable. This lays out how traits of power seeking, ambition, stark independence and intelligence that her father prides himself on are discouraged in Akemi as she's a woman. She is politically informed, highly educated and sexually dominant. She is calculative, express in her expertise at Go, something she's been better than grown men at since she was 12. Seki tells her that beyond just surviving in her marital home, she is equipped to succeed, expand her territory, find people's vulnerabilities, capture and win. That she can learn to do anything she wants and be whoever she wants, even if the goal is to become the ruler of Japan. In that same episode, Mizu is parallel to Akemi where she seeks wisdom from Master Eiji to exact an artful revenge where he proceeds to tell her that he didn't train her to be a demon or a human but he showed her how to be an artist. That revenge, swords, pots, noodles are all the same to an artist. The goal is to learn to be good at something. Anything. Mizu's pursuit of revenge is as masculine as Akemi's pursuit of power. They are both capable of learning. Of being successful. They are both elements of their own destiny. Water. Fire.
It doesn't matter what the means used are if the objective is one and the same. Akemi learnt this throughout season 1. That to evolve oneself guarantees success over only changing the scenario by running. Like Mizu, Akemi works with what she has. She is feminine presenting, enhanced through the princess finery, she can't fight but she uses her beauty, charm and wit to execute her plans and bend men to her will. Mizu attempted to maneuvere this same tactic after Mikio called her a monster, dolling up like on her wedding day to appease to his masculinity but it only pushed her towards the one thing she does best- wielding a sword to survive. Mizu knows how to fight, that is her agency, not a definitive of her gender. To fight and evolve is human, not select for a particular gender. Akemi also knows how to fight. She's trained in koto playing, singing, dancing, literature, poetry and the sutras. Her modus operandi is to weaken a man through his own hubris of thinking that she presents no threat. Which, as a personal opinion, I find a requires a tad more skill than cutting through flesh and bone. With Mizu, men brace for a fight, with Akemi, they don't even realise there was one in the first place. I posit that fighting is seen as more glorious than manipulation because it's a traditionally masculine way of dealing with things. Meanwhile, artful manipulation if rife with character bashing because femininity, according to some, should not not exist to take advantage only be taken advantage of, which again. Trash take. Needless to say, both Mizu and Akemi easily outclass the men who stand in their way.
Finit
#blue eye samurai analysis#mizu#akemi#netflix blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai#mizu blue eye samurai#akemi blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai mizu#bes akemi#netflix bes#bes mizu#bes#bes netflix#blue eye samurai netflix#akemi ito
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How strong is Joey? You said previously he has big man tatas
And how’d he treat his sons vs daughters? I feel like he’s accidentally lovingly misogynistic. Especially given his conservative religious upbringing. Like he doesn’t believe that darling should labor in the sun, but he doesn’t believe that darling is lesser than him because she’s a woman. Does this make sense?????
Joey's actually very good about beating back any unintentional misogyny. He has a lot of family members, but Betty Jo, one of his sisters, is probably the biggest and strongest laborer in the family. She's huge, and could probably hog tie a cow and carry it into the next field if she needed. He's no stranger to women working just as hard if not harder at traditional masculine activites than men.
He tends be more gentle and allow darling to stay in the house and do stereotypically feminine chores because he just loves them so much! He thinks they're delicate, and their from the city. He doesn't want them to overwork themselves!
As far as kids, Joey is thrilled at whatever his little guy or gal is into! More of a home chores kid? Great! Wants to help on the farm? Awesome. Doesn't really want to do anything but sit and play with rocks? A little odd, but he's more than happy to join in.
The only real difference in how Joey treats kids is age. Until the kid is about eight or so, Joey will treat them like glass. Gently holding them, extremely slow and careful piggyback rides, and baby proofing the house even if they're old enough to ride a bike and swim. Once they're over eight? All bets are off. Play wrestling, swinging the kid around over his head, or throwing them into a big bale of hay from the hayloft. All if the kid is okay with it, of course.
He's excited is his kiddo is good at something he isn't. If Joey's little boy comes up to him and talks about how much he likes cooking or baking, Joey's thrilled! He's always had someone too make meals for him, and he can't cook to save his life. He's so excited that his kiddo has a hobby he can learn with them. Regardless of what his kid is into, he'll sit and listen with fascination.
Joey has had a lot of siblings, but as the youngest boy he doesn't have a ton of experience with babies. Because of this, you'll have to tell him off from time to time, as well as his other family members because of the odd things he may do. He's only ever been around baby animals, so you'll have to explain why human babies can't be held by a scruff, or why they won't start walking within a few days like a baby cow. He's a little disappointed he won't be able to have a conversation with his kid for a few years, but that doesn't stop him from talking to them.
"Mhmm, there's my big healthy lil' dumpling'. What're you gigglin' at, huh? You happy to see daddy? Are ya?"
Joey is thrilled that his family uses hand me downs so much now that he has kids of his own. Seeing his little girl in his old red truck shirt of his little boy in some big green rain boots is enough to make him cry. Expect to see him showing the kids and the rest of the town old family photos of him in the same clothes when he was little.
He's a great dad, especially in the early years. Diapers need changed? He's dealt with grosser. Babies hungry? You stay in bed, he'll feed them. You honestly don't even need to purchase a crib, because his baby is not leaving his broad chest.
"Cmon, darlin'! I'm big and soft, I'm just as good as any old crib, and Joey Jr. Here agrees. Let him stay a lil' longer? Please?"
#ask me stuff#yandere#yandere oc#tw.yandere#yandere fanfiction#yandere content#x reader#yandere boy#oc joey#yandere farmboy#yandere farmer
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really simple question just to get it out the way:
Why do you guys use female/woman and male/man interchangeably when gender and sex aren’t the same thing? Is it because being a female is so close with being a woman? as in being a female automatically shapes the experience of a woman, especially when dealing with bodily autonomy? Because yeah someone may not be born female, but they can still identify as a woman… since gender and sex aren’t the same. But y’all treat it as such. I’m just wondering why?
I’ve already thoroughly answered this exact question here. And if you’re still unable to grasp the radical feminist view on sex and gender after reading that, I’ve answered similar questions on the subject here, here, and here. Now I want to ask you a question instead:
Have you ever, even once, thought further than the observation that sex and gender are separate concepts? Or is this one-liner the full extent of your argumentation? Is this your answer, excuse, and justification for everything? The threshold where your critical thinking abruptly ends?
Because I’m quite sick of your side whipping out the “sex and gender are different” card as though it’s the end of the conversation, when it’s only the beginning of it.
Sex and gender are different, and therefore what? What is gender, if not a sexist social construct created to enforce female subjugation and male domination by ascribing feminine expectations to female people and masculine expectations to male people? Why should the existence of this sexist social construct be reified via claiming one can voluntarily identify into it?
What is the social construct of women that you claim certain males identify with, if not a coalescence of offensive feminine stereotypes? And why should a male who conforms to feminine stereotypes be considered a woman, rather than just a feminine man? More importantly, why should a male be granted access to female-only spaces based on his conformance to femininity?
Essentially, why should the word woman be regarded as anything other than shorthand for adult female human being? If the word woman isn’t shorthand for adult female human being, and by extension, the word girl isn’t shorthand for underage female human being, then what words are? What exactly is the benefit of defining women and girls by the feminine stereotypes created to subjugate them, rather than defining them as human females at different life stages?
Have you ever considered any of these questions? Do you have non-circular answers for any of them? What would remain of gender ideology if you were forced to abandon your circular definitions and intellectual dishonesty? Have you considered that your side’s desperate devotion to circular definitions and intellectual dishonesty is simply an attempt to disguise how this ideology hinges on nothing but sexist stereotypes?
It’s very obvious to me that your side thinks radical feminists are simply uneducated on your ideology—that if only we understood, we would surely agree with you. In reality, virtually every radical feminist is a former gender ideologue who used to vehemently defend the exact nonsense you believe now.
Your side is on the upward curve of acceptance because you have not allowed yourselves to think beyond the surface level, beyond the cultish devotion to curricular reasoning, or beyond the uselessly vague, purely emotion-based statements. Radical feminists are on the downward curve of acceptance because they have. If you only allowed yourselves to think critically and honestly about this, I’m sure you would soon come to your senses.
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This spiraled out of control so I apologize in advance if you wanted something goofy, I must hit you with a brief analysis of Hanako's gender bend chapter before we get to the silly headcanons.
(heads up: I'll refer to girl Hanako as 'he' since he didn't seem bothered by Nene calling his girl form 'Hanako-kun', but if there are any hints I missed that genderbend Hanako prefers to use she/her I'll correct the pronouns.)
When Hanako is turned into a girl he lists things that only girls can do, and the chapter ends with him trying to seduce Kou, so that's something Hanako would consider off-limits normally.
Hanako's reaction reflects that, clearly flustered considering his heavy blush, but also unsure. Sweating. Out of his comfort zone.
It's interesting, cause being touchy and flirty is Hanako's comfort zone, he tends to exude a playful energy even when he barely knows the person: Be it girls or boys.
Yet flirting with Kou made him nervous?
Yes, because he isn't being touchy in a playfull way, he is explicitly tying his clinginess to the idea of attraction here, something he only ever does with girls. All his pervert gags are about girls, the idea he can be attracted to guys in that way is something he seemingly doesn't think about. Or if he does, he doesn't allow himself to express it.
Not as Hanako-kun, the boy, anyways.
I have never seen Hanako jump into someone's arms until he was turned into a girl. Even with Kou, he does his usual "I'll hug you from behind, sit on your shoulders, hug you from above, have you in my hold." approach to get his attention, which is a less stereotypical feminine way of being clingy than jumping in someone's arms.
So Hanako, who has somewhat of a 1960 mentality, seems to only let himself explicitly flirt with a guy when he hides behind a girly persona.
Just like he hides his vulnerability with a playful persona because a part of him genuinely loves teasing and being mischievous, he genuinely enjoys being a girl and doing things "only girls can do".
Dressing up is something he claims to not personally like, that he is 'just kidding', or that it isn't his really for him, but his behavior contradicts that. He wants to show off his new hairstyle with a big smile and a blush, not showing any distress at the gender or wardrope change.
He likely thought about styling up way before his girl transformation, considering we see him be "playful" in chapter 30, wanting Nene to paint his nails.
Maybe he wants to be cute? Cause "Cute" is a word girl Hanako uses a lot in the spin-off. He is constantly asking for reassurance that he is cute. And it is implied that what caught his attention and convinced him to let Nene dress him up was her saying it would make him 'cute'.
He wants to be a cute girl.
Not a sexy girl.
What does he always use to tease Kou? Indecent and lewd comments. He has a pervy humor that he didn't lose as a girl.
But despite the golden opportunity, it doesn't even cross his mind to tease Kou. He just asks Kou if he is cute, something that is personally important to Hanako.
The vastly different vibes between how he asks his dear assistant if he is cute (confident, excited, playful enough to go 'teehee') and how he asks the kid (nervous, flustered, dialogue full of '...' in it) is why I believe that on top of wanting the reassurance that he is a cute girl, Hanako also genuinely wants Kou to be attracted to his girl form.
He gets emo that he isn't Kou's type, not that he isn't cute. He explicitly says "I got rejected" So he was, even if subconsciously, serious in his seduction attempt.
Hanako is attached to Kou, but when he is a boy we don't get any heavy hints that Hanako wants to be seen as desirable by him. If he thought about flirting with Kou as a boy, (He sure was eager to jump in Kou's arms and play with his hair?? He play with Kou's hair! Wow...) he didn't show.
The closest we get is the promo art where Kou and Hanako are looking as far away from each other as possible and shifting in place, restless (either from anxiety or excitement). This is only noteworthy cause it is the first Valentine's Day art Aidairo posted.
And the way Hanako blushes, with little hearts, at the idea of biting Kou when he is zombified. (amyythestarry2's post was what made me aware of this scene, link: Here.)
If there are more moments I forgot, please let me know! But regardless of how he perceives Kou, we can say gender has an effect on how Hanako interacts with people. So it's hard to have a solid idea of how he would react if Kou turned into a girl.
You did ask for my opinion on it though, so below are my favorite headcanons!
I am a firm believer that Kou would not be a very feminine girl. He has a complex from getting the "mom role" at home and he wants to be "dependable, strong, and manly" so he would try to be as brash, 'tough', and boyish, as usual, occasionally switching to being self-conscious and mortified.
I can't see him wanting to wear dresses to fit his girl body, considering Mitsuba's loud displeasure didn't make him even consider taking his earring off and Kou isn't super into conforming anyways, he climb rooftops and scream at "air" so much he has a reputation in school, so it all boils down to personal preference and this official art shows how uncomfortable Kou looks compared to Hanako in a skirt/dress (is Kou crying here?? help-)
Just cause Kou isn't being cute doesn't change that being gender-bend would destroy the "Kou is a boy, and boys don't flirt with boys" box Hanako had trapped himself in.
For as much as Kou will express that he still wants to be treated as a boy, and Hanako doesn't make fun of things the kid is genuinely bothered by unprompted, it's... hard to pretend nothing has changed.
Baggy uniforms aside, Kou being a girl is still super feminine compared to usual, when Hanako playfully pokes Kou's cheek, he'll notice it's rounder now, he'll play with his longer hair with curiosity, and a tiny blush, notices Kou may still swing his raiteijou like a fighter but he got delicate hands now (we both know how different girls and boys hands are drawn in this manga, and Hanako like hands iughuyg) he got boobs too, Hanako is a 1960s pre-teen in his approach to attraction/sexuality, he will not be able to stay chill if girl Kou put him in a headlock for saying some dumb shit.
So Hanako goes in full '??' and '!!!' mode while trying to act normal, until he hits the same conclusion of "Wait, why am I panicking? I can flirt with the kid now! I can flirt with girls!!" and hides behind his playful persona to the max.
And since flirting with girls is something he is more used to, he will be more confused by how he feels when he wraps his arms around Kou in this new context, but also less nervous. Kou doesn't really take him too seriously though. "hanako is being clingy and playful and annoying." kind of dismissal.
When Nene shows up and tells Kou he should wear a girl's uniform, Kou will eventually cave in, cause he can't say no to Nene when she is genuinely so happy and eager to dress him up! He is more awkward and shy in a dress, his caring side also shine with Nene.
Kou is super sweet with Nene, when she cries that Kou has slender legs as a girl, Kou will reassure her that Nene is the one super cute.
That's the kind of girl Hanako likes on a very superficial level: feminine girls. Sweet girls.
And he already likes Kou as a boy, so this mix of different attractions to his caring side and his boyish attitude will make him want to explode. Hanako is full on ba-dum ba-dum mode and he have no idea what to do about it.
Think of this scene where Nene dresses up and the change in her appearance flusters him so much he gets overwhelmed and confused. He doesn't know what to do when he thinks she is being cuter than normal, so he defaults to making fun of her with something he finds attractive (her chunky legs) but knows she personally hates it.
Any confusion that comes with being flustered would increase tenfold with Kou cause he is aware Kou looks like a cute girl but he is not? Like he is, currently, but he is also attracted to Kou's normal attitude? His wide smiles, his goofy attitude, is all the same, and he always found it kind of endearing before, but is so cute now?? Attractive??
So what does he do? Act like an asshole to protect himself, just poke at his insecurities to hide how much Kou affects him, only to go to far and feel awful about it when Kou is visibly upset by it.
it would be one messy event.
#hanakou is built like 'internal homophobia x another flavor of internal homophobia' so even if there was no other love interest involved#nothing would happen lol (i love them dearly)#tbhk#toilet bound hanako kun#jibaku shounen hanako kun#jshk#hanako#kou minamoto#hanakou#minamoto kou
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AG: Tavros, you give confidence a 8ad name. I gave you all the chances in the world to earn it, to earn REAL confidence, and you failed.
Pictured: Vriska giving Tavros 'a chance to earn real confidence'.
AG: You couldn't even do the one little thing I asked you to! The one thing that would have made you man up once and for all.
'Man up' is a funny idiom for a troll to use. We've occasionally seen trolls fall into human gender stereotypes, but it's quite rare, and always sticks out like a sore thumb.
There's an interesting conversation to be had about troll genders. With a reproductive cycle so different to ours, their gender framework will inevitably be different as well. Yes, there are male and female trolls - but what do male and female actually mean to a troll?
On Earth, your assigned gender carries cultural baggage which simply wouldn't exist on Alternia. Assigned gender plays no role in reproduction, nor does it influence household division of labor, since trolls don't have households.
Gender aside, do trolls have a concept of masculine and feminine? Beyond a few stray idioms, the only evidence I can find is their clothing styles. We haven't seen any male trolls rocking a skirt - not yet, at least.
tl;dr: 'Man up' is a cultural can of worms. I think that was probably unintentional, though, and I think we're supposed to interpret that line as if a human spoke it. Vriska's calling Tavros a wimp, which is business as usual.
AG: So instead you flew away and cried, and decided to sleep away your sorrow for the rest of the adventure.
Tavros already alluded to this incident during his conversation with Jade. I guessed that Vriska would be involved, but that was a bit of a no-brainer.
Vriska's trying to frame Tavros as pathetic, but it sounds like he actually put his foot down, flat-out refusing to participate in whatever she had planned. Much like the FLARP incident, this sounds like a victory for Tavros, even if she's convinced him otherwise.
AG: Do you have any idea how sick that made me? Everything a8out you makes me sick.
He rejects your advice. He rejects your advances. His lusus cared for him. He was allowed to be kind, and accepts kindness from others. He doesn't care about winning, but he never lets you win. No matter how much you torment him, he refuses to get any stronger, which means your mindset might be wrong.
'Sick' would be an understatement.
AG: Your plan to control her lusus really wasn't a 8ad idea!
AG: And using your a8ility to "save her life" (lol) was a pretty good way to test how effective your powers are across sessions. [...]
AG: Practicing your a8ilities is important, so when it comes down to using them for something that really matters, you know you're ready for prime time.
AG: I know this first hand.
AG: I got lots and lots and LOTS of practice with your little guinea pig friend. ::::D
So that's why Jade was constantly napping? That can't have been good for her brain.
AG: The catch is it's not going to work! [...]
AG: You couldn't sic the guardian on Noir even if you were inclined. Not even if I were to MAKE you inclined! :::;)
Like I said before, it's really Vriska who can control First Guardians.
AG: 8ecause you are dealing with a pro here. I already thought of that.
AG: I thought of everything!
AG: The guardian is not going to attack the agents who engineered him in the first place.
AG: Or who I should say were "encouraged" (lol) to engineer him.
Why the fuck would you do this?
When Vriska prototyped Bec, she explained that the event was mandated by the Alpha Timeline, so she didn't make anything worse by causing it. I don't agree with her argument, but I do understand her logic.
This is different. Up until now, there has been no evidence that Bec can't harm Agents. Vriska had no prophecy to fulfil, and no reason to believe that this was required to preserve the timeline. Yes, now we know it's baked into the timeline, but only because Vriska wanted it.
Having Bec help with Jack was a really good idea, and removing the option to do so helps no one. Where's the benefit?
AT: wHY WOULD YOU DO THAT,
AG: Tavros, at this point it should 8e o8vious.
AG: I am the unseen hand 8ehind every major event in their session, and to some extent, their whole lives.
AG: At least those events not happening 8y the volition of their own natural incompetence!
AG: Don't you think this is how it should 8e? Shouldn't the greatest player leave her fingerprints on every step of the rise to power of her ultim8 nemesis?
I know Vriska likes to feel in control, but this is ridiculous.
Inserting yourself into Alpha loops is one thing, but nerfing Bec when you don't have to is straight-up sabotage. Couldn't she just stick to micromanaging John's outfits?
AG: I have every angle covered already. The human session is on full Serket lockdown. Any effort you make to disrupt my plans will 8e laugha8le, just like everything you have ever done in your life.
AG: The only thing left to do now is prepare to kill Jack myself, and save everyone's ungrateful asses.
Oh my god, I think I've cracked it.
Vriska thinks she's the only one with the right to kill Jack.
She describes him as her ultimate nemesis, which reeks of main character syndrome. Bec isn't important enough to kill Jack, so she eliminated him as an option. It has to be her, the most powerful Player, who's gained all the levels, because that is how these things are done.
It's not just ego, either - there's a deeper motivation at play. If Vriska doesn't beat Jack, she doesn't win - and if she doesn't win, then what was all that abuse were all those challenges for? What was the point?
In Vriska's head, Jack needs to be her nemesis. She needs to be destined to kill him - because if she is, then everything she went through was justified. She'll have secured her position as the most powerful Player of all, and she'll never have to be jealous of anyone again - least of all that wimp with his sweet little fairy lusus. They're all weak, and she's strong.
If she doesn't kill Jack, she's a loser.
And losers may as well be dead.
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Hi Stormblessed (dope name btw),
Don't know if this is the best place for this essay or the right time but I need to word-vomit this out, or I'm gonna be a JK-style spaced out zombie all day.
It's a truth universally acknowledged that a big part of the fandom tends to mis-characterize the members based on edits, fanfics and out-of-context clips. Something probably mostly to do with how social media platforms have been pushing for these short videos over the last few years. Why watch 300 hours of original content (some of which is behind a paywall) if you can get the gist of it (you think) from TikToks?
My particular point has to do with how that allows for the narrative (aka made up shit) especially around Jimin to grow. All of the members get that treatment, the maknaes worse due to their popularity, but due to how a big part of Army are also tkk shippers, Jimin is the one who's portrayal often skews more negative. The others' perceptions just are neutral or fantastical in a sense that they're more like badly written male leads. Don't get me wrong, solos throwing around bs is nothing singular to him but no one gets accused (said completely seriously btw) of sleeping his way into BTS or the release of his album.
After I saw this vitriol for the first time I had to actually sit down because wtf.
And then I started wondering why that is, and came to the conclusion that it is:
(Internalized) misogyny and sexism
Blatant homophobia
Jimin is the member the most obviously in tune of his femininity. He hasn't subscribed to gender norms for a decade at least, and once his hyper-masculine-esque persona from the debut days was dismissed, he ventured further. (That isn't to dismiss the growth they all have shown in that area.)
But antis, akgaes, Solos and shippers take that femininity and apply every stereotype and misogynistic idea to JM.
Traits they f.e. hate:
He is openly flirty with many people (members especially)
He is very physical, and touch is arguably one of his love languages and go-to way of comforting smn
He is pretty af and knows it
He's sensual and sexy and knows it
He's cute
He's sweet (aka a good fucking human)
But why does that make "them" hate him so much?
Because they have been taught that these traits in women (like themselves) are bad. What makes it worse, however, is that the men around JM all know these things to be true, acknowledge them as true and compliment him on them. In the case of JK (since this is about Jikook at the end of the day):
He loves flirty JM despite sometimes not knowing how to handle him (ehem the 'shameless convo'). He flirts back (fe the whole live where he was in bed begging for JM to come over)
Tkkers and such love pulling the "JK hates it" card. Which is nonsense, considering how he seeks JM's comfort when he's down (esp during concerts), actively cuddles JM (In The Soop) and never uses all his big muscles to shove JM but rather to just carry him around. Compare that to the jokingly disgusted face Yoongi pulls when Tae tries to hold his hand, and it becomes glaringly obvious that no one who says the members dislike touching each other has a leg to stand on. Calling it harassment goes so far beyond any line of sanity...
JK - like all of BTS - acknowledges that Jimin's beauty is simply out of this world. They are regularly stunned by his appearance
Just gonna point to JK's reaction to Filter, Blood Sweat & Tears, Black Swan, and Set Me Free pt 2 here. JK calls JM sexy so often it's hilarious
* inserts clip of absolutely WHIPPED JK after JM cutely punches him during that performance of Boy With Luv *. Also we know that "cute" his JK's type as he himself admitted.
Jimin has been Jungkook's comfort person for so long, and with such depth that he dedicated a whole trip and video to him. They care for each other so deeply that the only logical conclusion was to go to the military together.
Aka: he is all that they hate in the girls/women in their normal life so they can't do nothing but tear him down. They envy how comfortable he seems in his own skin, how easily he goes from sexy to cute, how loved he is by those around him. On top of that is how gay people are still perceived and treated by a lot of countries around the world. No matter what they say, being an army and shipping men doesn't make you automatically an ally and non-homophobic.
They treat Jimin like they would most likely treat the lgtbqia+ people in real life: something to be careful of, someone dishonest and slutty.
They conflate everything they hate about themselves and gay people and * boom * out come frankly terrifying tweets, fanfics and shit.
Contrast that with how these very same people fetishize the relationship between Tae and Jungkook - either viewing them like men who watch p_rn involving two women, or a self-insert with how little character they have - and that's the state of the army shipping community. They could be Barbie dolls getting smashed together and you wouldn't know the difference.
I'm not saying Jikookers are better in that, but the language they tend to use is incredibly different.
---
That was a lot.
To end on a sweet note: I saw a quote on Twitter "If you want to find out what someone fears losing, look at what they photograph."
And...well. that just screams Jikook
Hi! Thank you, I like my name too 🥰
And yeah, basically I agree. I think there is more to it as well, but that a lot of it could be boiled down to all this. And yeah, jikookers are just as guilty of this too, but not always in the same way. Sometimes in a way that is more fetishizing but is just as harmful. Take it from someone who has seen it all in my inbox from people who feel safe on anon 😂😂
Thanks for sharing! And your quote at the end is SOOOOO cute!
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Actually I’m making a separate post about this. Before you read, please understand that when I use the words “feminine” and “femininity” I am exclusively talking about the patriarchal stereotypes, aesthetics, gender roles, and other expectations ascribed to the female sex in a given culture. I do not mean “the intrinsic aspect of being female/a girl/a woman/however you wanna phrase it.” The concept of femininity is a construct. It’s a set of traits and roles and expectations and aesthetics that anyone can have. So when I say that some female characters are more or less feminine, I am not commenting on identity, I am commenting on presence or absence of traits ascribed to girls and women and conformity to sexist expectations. I am making this distinction because in the past it has been assumed that when I said that a girl was less feminine, I was saying she was less of a girl, which isn’t at all what I was saying. Anyway.
I have a knee-jerk reaction to the idea that the only reason Arya didn’t like “ladylike” activities is that she had bad experiences with them with Sansa, the septa, and her mother. Like the one exception to this is that I love the idea that she’d be good at embroidery if she was able to use her left hand. But otherwise I think it risks treading into gender essentialism. Like “the only reason a girl wouldn’t like and be good at “feminine” things is if she had bad experiences.” I know that’s not what most people mean to imply but I dunno I just think it would be really boring if it was like oh turns out Arya loved dresses all along like it gives Allison getting a makeover in Breakfast Club.
Like oh the girl who was insecure about not quite conforming? Well turns out that the answer to her insecurity is to conform! She just needed people to be nicer to her so she could become a feminine girl just like everyone else! No. There’s no power in that. The answer should be that social acceptance allows her to embrace who she is and have confidence in that! I want Arya to wear pants that allow her to run and play with children and a long cloak she’s embroidered with wildflowers. I feel like people generally understand that it’s sexist to have the resolution to the “I’m insecure because I’m not as feminine as other girls and have been mistreated for it” be “now that people have been kind to me I have become as feminine as other girls.” Like Chie in Persona 3. 
It undermines the criticism of the people who were doing said mistreatment. Like “You were right to be insecure! The answer is to change yourself! People bullying you for being different? Never fear! If you simply experience true kindness and acceptance, you can stop being different! No more insecurity because you can be just like everyone wants you to be and society itself doesn’t have to change!” There’s this dissonance in some fans where they can recognize that the way Arya was judged was wrong, but they still want Arya to end up being traditionally “ladylike.” And for me it’s just like. Why. That’s so boring. I don’t hate it as much as Arya growing up to be a ruthless killer but it seems like a betrayal of themes. My ideal end for Arya is that she’s home, she’s loved, she gets to be who she is. She has a family. She’s beloved by all the children in the Winterfell, not just her own. She teaches them about the wildlife and gives water dancing lessons to girls AND boys who want to learn. She braids her hair against her head to keep it out of the way and decorates the braids with flowers. It’s a very “happily ever after” sort of ending of course and not exactly what I think WILL happen (I do not have any idea what her endgame will be, to be clear, I’m just clarifying that I’m not theorizing I’m just imagining the best happiest ending for her I can think of that fits her character).
I just think that Arya doesn’t need to actually like dresses and be good at all the “feminine” activities and hobbies in order for her to be a beloved Lady, and it feels like that’s the undercurrent to the notion that Arya only dislikes traditionally “ladylike” pursuits as a result of trauma
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Is it some kind of evil coincidence or a coordinated plan that as I got older the idea of and discourse around genderqueer male elegance faded away and was replaced by the marketable femboy?
I've had the same thought. There is no pretext in which anyone assigned male at birth presenting in a feminine way will be universally celebrated, but it's weird to see even straight up reactionaries develop a soft spot for femboys. Maybe it's in the name, which implies two things: 1. That they're young and will grow out of it. 2. That, don't get it twisted, they're still boys. People create allowances for gender nonconformity in specific contexts and then revoke them as soon as you stumble outside of these contexts. The message is: "you can present in a feminine way, but only if you limit this behavior to sex and the internet, don't bring it into your day to day life, and you call yourself a boy or a man on top of it all." I know of trans women who discovered their gender through "cross dressing--" this is a hard topic because of the fetishization of trans bodies, but the uncomfortable truth is that they wanted outlets to be feminine and settled for any chance they could get.
I'm not a trans woman, nor do I even consider myself nonbinary most of the time, but it's very meaningful to me that I get to break free of the masculinity that's expected of me. When I worked up the courage to buy a skirt at the vintage store and took pictures, I fantasized about dressing this way at work, at the grocery store, getting coffee, just living my day to day life. So when I got the response of "wow, I'd love to lift up that skirt and fuck you 😍," I was more than a little miffed. I want to have my own little genderqueer male elegance, as you describe, which is already hard enough once I take it offline and try to live my life that way. I can't imagine the level of scrutiny and cruelty that would come with living as a trans woman, or the allowances that come with identifying as basically cis.
I know some people use the title of femboy beyond its stereotypical online or pornographic connotations. I guess that's up to them. But yes, I share your cynicism and think the tongue in cheek celebration of femboys online doesn't necessarily point to a world of celebrated gender diversity but a world where said diversity has to follow specific rules and relegate itself to roleplay.
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women must learn about technology
one of the most common gender-limited roles across the world is the making of musical instruments. in the majority of cultures, men make musical instruments. flutes are almost exclusively made by men.
this may seem like a weird little curio - i certainly thought it was - until you read more. in many cultures, instruments are played by the people who make them. if women don't have the knowledge to make instruments, then they can't play the instrument, because instruments may not be made as gifts. instruments become gendered. men resent women entering on their space and refuse to share technical knowledge with them on how to play or make the instrument. women are limited to singing (if that) or simple instruments that they can make. there are very few instruments that "only" women are allowed to play/make.
in its extreme form, this results in taboo musical instruments (usually flutes for some reason) that women may not see or hear on pain of death.
"so what", i hear you say. "what do musical instruments have to do with anything?" well, it shows that one of the most common ways to limit women and raise up men is to prevent or discourage women from having technical knowledge.
even in our allegedly """superior""" western cultures, music production and engineering is almost entirely male-dominated. ask women in production and sound engineering, and you'll find that they face not just benign sexism/prejudice but downright hostility.
men become associated with technology. technology from tekhnos - art or craft. women become associated with spiritualism, the immaterial, the unprovable and ineffable ("we are reclaiming our feminine power through astrology!") or alternatively the body, the base, the mundane, the maintenance work, using machines and technology that they did not create.
knowledge is power. men have historically guarded certain kinds of knowledge/power from women. today, too many men continue this gatekeeping. "don't worry your pretty little head about how a car works, missy." too many women are happy to let them, afraid to challenge their learned helplessness. "I'm a passenger princess! i'm too dumb to know how a washing machine works!" (and i even see feminists say things like "thank god a butch woman was here to help me change my tires." why associate technological knowledge with a certain gender presentation?)
learning about technology can be scary. it's complicated and there's a large body of material to challenge. many of us have been conditioned into learned helplessness, and it's easier and more immediately rewarding to ask someone else to take care of our technological issues for us. there's the issue of stereotype threat where we're afraid to fail and confirm negative stereotypes of women. but if we're serious about empowerment, we must remember knowledge is power. women who know about carpentry don't need to rely on men. women who know how to fix their car can intelligently converse with male mechanics. knowledge is the thing they can't take away from you, you carry it with you where you go, and you can share it with other women. you don't need to learn about every field of technology - pick one that piques your interest (electronics? electricity? carpentry? HVAC? auto mechanics?) and begin reading about it. do beginner diy stuff. over time, you'll gain confidence and useful skills. then help fellow women.
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I wanna talk about how transmen are sexualized.
Transmen aren't Femboys.
Transmen aren't Sissys.
Transmen aren't for your sexual pleasure.
Transmen are biological women who have dysphoria.
You cannot change sex, you can change gender presentation and how your gender is perceived.
-Sincerely A transguy tired of being sexualized and misinformation
When people go out of their way to say "all trans men are" or act like all trans mascs are a specific thing only, like a femboy, or a sissy, it's transphobic because it's debasing people to a kink and not recognizing that these can be aspects of a person, but not their entire personality. When someone treats a kink like the default for a type of person, it's offensive. Gay men got reasonably upset when people kept expecting and depicting them to be effeminate because it was rightfully offensive as fuck. We shouldn't be debasing people to sexual roles and stereotypical presentations grounded in bigotry. In your examples, that's transandrophobia. Beyond this, I will disagree with everything except your sign off.
Transgender men are not 'biological women'. They're men. Medically, commonly assigned female at birth (afab). I say "commonly" because intersex transgender men exist and the term 'afab' isn't all inclusive of the biological reality we're dealing with. The term "women" is a social term, not a medical one, that relates a person to experiences of womanhood and defines them as a woman by proxy. This is incorrect. Transgender men are men, period. If you're talking biology, use biology terms. Social terms belong in social contexts. Conflating the two aids no one and instead walks right into the rhetoric fascists like the so called "radfems" and "gender criticals" use to associate sex with gender as falsely inseparable terms.
Also, no again to "you cannot change sex". That is a falsity in the reality of modern science. We can make functional penises for transgender men, this is widely documented, and modern science has procedures that would allow an individual to no longer be accurately medically classified as "female" and even "male". One such procedure is called SRS or Sex Reassignment Surgery, sometimes referred to under a broader category of Gender Confirming Surgery or GCS that covers the creation or removal of primary and secondary sex characteristics. Now before we get on the "what do I mean by functional" train, I'm deliberately not including sperm production or egg production in this statement because if that's your argument that it's not 'functional' unless it can be used to reproduce, you're an asshole that just said sterile men aren't men, and post-menopausal women aren't women, and fuck you. Men and women aren't defined by their ability to reproduce. That's bioessentialist bullshit that can fuck right off, this ain't the fucking 1960's.
I'm being highly specific here because I want to be very clear that the terms we use have impact, they're meant to be used in certain contexts and conflating terms with eachother doesn't help us make the points that we're trying to here.
The real meat of this though is that these sexualizations as femboys and sissy's being default used on trans masculine people in general is deliberately denying transgender men and mascs their masculinity. If a transgender man or masc chooses to express themself in such a way, that's their choice. But it's a choice an individual is making, not a collective. It doesn't matter what a transgender man or masc looks like, it matters how they want to be treated, and denying them that treatment to force them into a sexual role they don't agree with is a big fucking baaaaaaaaaaad move. We talk about sexual liberation in being 2SLGBTQIA+, and defining ourselves our way, but doing this to trans mascs is just reflavouring homophobia to attack a different group. Fucking stop it. Let trans mascs and transgender men be masculine. Stop default coding them as feminine.
#trans#transgender#transandrophobia#lgbt+#lgbtq+#lgbtqia+#trans men#trans masc#non binary#talisidekick#talisidekick things
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Okay me angy here I go getting riled up again! If I see any more pisscourse about ace/aro not being part of the queer community, queer is a slur, men are inherently evil monsters, I’m just gonna assume you’re a TERF. Ace discourse back in the 10’s is exactly how TERFs started their rise to power.
Start out by drawing a line in the sand that (awful) people agree with. Now there’s proof that you can start boxing in certain identities. That means (general) you can start making specific definitions for things.
Queer is now a slur again. Queer actually hasn’t been reclaimed. People agree with that. You’ve just torn down an umbrella identity that everyone was able to gather under and unite behind.
LGBTQIA+ is actually the Correct Way to talk about the queer community. Actually we need to drop QIA+ because queer is a slur, intersex isn’t a sexuality/gender and is just a weird medical condition, and A stands for allies (instead of aro/ace bc we already decided that they aren’t part of the community) and we don’t want those sick CisHets infiltrating our community.
LGBT is now the proper accepted term. That means you must be Gay Lesbian Bisexual and/or Transgender to be part of the community. If you aren’t doing LGBT correctly then you are trying to infiltrate the community and steal resources (and those resources are never defined). Only LGBT people are safe.
Oh, except bisexuals. They’re dirty cheaters bc they get to pass as straight and thus aren’t Oppressed Enough like us Pure Gays. How dare they be into men. Only Good Gays get to be into men. If a lesbian ever thought about a man in any vague romantic/sexual way then they are Impure. Men are the true evil of the world bc patriarchy. The only type of man you’ll be safe with is a gay man bc they don’t want to SA you when they see your shoulders/ankles.
All men are the root of all evil, except our good example gay men, who coincidentally are usually white and follow the good gay stereotypes, which are feminine in nature. Femininity is Good and Safe. You can trust anyone who is Feminine, and you can distrust anyone who is Masculine. Men only exist to take advantage of women. Women must be protected at all costs.
Wait. We allow transgender people in the community. That means either a Dirty Evil Man is cosplaying as a woman, or a Pure Innocent Girl got taken in by the evils of masculinity and patriarchy. Trans people are bad since they are being taken over by Evil Men, and/or trying to infiltrate the community, which we already decided is bad. Trans people aren’t Pure. The T in LGBT gets dropped.
Also if you’re nonbinary someone pulled the wool over your eyes. It’s just a phase and you’ll fall into Woman Lite soon enough. There’s no such thing as an amab nonbinary person. Men are evil, and nonbinary is Woman Lite. If you dress in any way that’s not feminine or androgynous then you are doing it wrong.
Congrats, you are now a TERF.
And before you say “that’s not what happened!” I saw every single one of these talking points come out in real time. It was slow. It wasn’t sudden. It was pushing the boundary little by little until you boiled the frog. And now with acecourse coming up again I can all but guarantee that this cycle will happen again. So! Some things to look out for and deprogram.
All men are not inherently evil. All women are not inherently good. Masculinity isn’t inherently evil. Femininity isn’t inherently good. Queer is not a slur and is an extremely useful umbrella term for those who don’t know which label they fit under, or who don’t want a specific label. Yes, queer can still be used as a slur (I have been called queer in a derogatory way) but it is one the community has reclaimed. Trans people aren’t trying to trick you. Amab nonbinary people aren’t “lesser” than afab nonbinary people. Nonbinary is not Woman Lite. There is no such thing as a morally pure sexuality. The queer community is welcome for all who identify as queer; yes, even that person. Policing and oppression olympics is not a litmus test for “pure enough” for joining the queer community. The queer community is for Everyone. That’s it. That’s all.
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