I made something

I hope someone else finds it as funny as I do

The Eggpire, and why they are the coolest villain group in the SMP

The Eggpire is personally one of my favorite groups of people on the entire smp. The Eggpire I’m currently referring to consists of Ponk, Bad, Antfrost, Punz, and Skeppy. They’re the ones who are clearly working for the Crimson, and are generally percieved by others in the SMP as corrupted. 

Part of why I love them so much is their clear alignment. They are perhaps the most obvious ‘villains’ in the current season. There’s no moral greyness with them, only the tragedy of the consumed as they serve their master. They’re predictable, and you can tell others view them as a threat. Don’t break the vines, don’t disrespect the egg, avoid them at all cost.

The Eggpire is also currently winning in the “group” part of “group dynamic”. There are other alliances on the SMP, but it has been a while since one solid group of people were working together to defend or protect something. Even in the Doomsday War the defenders of L’Manburg were conflicted--Niki burned the tree herself, Eret was working with people who he had betrayed once before, Punz was an active spy. The Eggpire has a solid foundation of people working together, and their internal workings are interesting. Every member has their own specific role.

Badboyhalo, the Corrupter

Bad, despite what he says about there being no hierarchy within the Eggpire, calls all the shots. He is the largest threat and the start of the Crimson’s spread. He found the Egg, brought others to it, protected it when the vines first began to surface. He takes the most active role in the corruption of others and trying to further the Eggpire’s goals. He’s one of the main three fighters in the Eggpire, and the other two tend to follow his lead and let him speak.

Bad being a demonic creature himself adds an extra layer of awesome to his character. While he was uncorrupted his soul jar (Skeppy) was taken by the Egg, and the...bathwater stream happened. That was a hot mess, HOWEVER, afterwards it actually became kind of cool. Bad saying that “no matter what he could do, he couldn’t fix Skeppy”, implies that his character is in fact capable of magic and was trying, over and over, to return his best friend to who he was originally and kept messing up. Only after his actions failed did he willingly corrupt himself and become the main villain of the Egg arc.

Antfrost, the Caretaker

Antfrost...I absolutely adore corrupted!Antfrost. He was the first person, after Bad, to become attached to the Egg. He was ruthless before he was turned--he even suggested killing Skeppy in order to remove the corruption from him. Now he’s actively serving an eldrich abomination. He follows Bad around silently and writes messages to people in languages they can’t understand. He’s a “professional hunter” (that scene gave me chills) and Bad’s righthand man.

Before the Crimson Antfrost ran an animal sanctuary. He’s still keeping an eye on the animals, but now most of his attention seems to have transferred to the Egg. He seems to have the most active affection for the egg, making sure to feed it and even kissing it once. The aesthetic of a chaotic evil catboy in a nice suit who has no moral compass but does have an undeniable fondness for the Bloodvines growing everywhere is just... *chefs kiss*

Punz, the Guard

Punz, as a character is very well done. He’s been one of the most chill on the server for a while, only actively involving himself in conflicts when A) one of his pets has died, or B) Dream told him to. He’s loyal; once he has a directive he will accomplish it. Dream himself knew if he hired Punz to guard L’Manburg, Punz would guard L’Manburg and kill anyone who left the walls for as long as Dream wanted him to.

Now Punz is guarding the Egg itself. He isn’t as actively threatening as Bad and Ant--he was able to have a completely normal conversation with Tommy, for example, while Tommy is actively terrified of Bad and Ant. Punz is only a danger when he’s called to be, otherwise he’s just a chill guy who doesn’t seem concerned that he has red eyes, or that the thing he’s working for is actively spreading across the entire server.

Ponk, the Voice

Ponk spent a lot of time around the Egg. He even planted a seed in his own casino, named it, and yet managed to turn it into something else. He was left on top of it for days, and came out completely unscathed. He originally began working with the Eggpire purely for pain au’ chocolate and bought contacts from Amazon in order to blend in with them. He doesn’t give a shit.

Correction: he didn’t give a shit until his boyfriend cheated on him. Ponk got corrupted purely out of spite and facilitated the beginning of a war between the Egg and the server’s local builder god. He’s a semi-psychic amputee and the caretaker of a graveyard. He has the most unique interaction with the Egg.

Skeppy, the Heart

Skeppy is Badboyhalo’s living soul jar and probably the most wholly corrupted in the entire server. He spent an entire day inside the Egg and came out with no desires except for it. We’ve seen him the least out of every Eggpire member, but he’s had the most effect on the plot. He’s the Crimson’s leverage over Badboyhalo. If being logged out means a character is canonically asleep, then Skeppy has been sleeping for months. Practically in a coma, until the Egg needs him.

cc!Skeppy says that they have more planned for his character, so I’m very much looking forward to seeing what will happen when the Egg decides it needs him. He was probably the weakest Eggpire member, but who knows what he’s capable of now?

The Crimson Itself:

The Crimson is a problem you can’t get rid of. The bloodvines spread without anyone being near them; they grow back as soon as they’ve been cut. Just hurting the Egg can kill you, although they retconned Sam’s death due to Crimson damage. To quote Badboyhalo: “If you break the Egg, it bites you back.”

The absolute coolest thing about the entire Egg arc, in my opinion, is how hard it is to keep an eye on the big picture. We as viewers get wrapped up in what’s happening right now. Hannah was trapped in the Egg, now she’s escaped. There were vines in Sam’s base, now they were broken. The Eggpire attacked Foolish’s base, then he scared them away. Then you pull back and remember, it is just a an egg. We have no idea what its plans are, or what it’s capable of. Someday comes the Red Banquet, and that’s when the real storm breaks.

hellooooo would u be able to write a first times thing with johnny too? i saw the hyuck one on your list and i can’t wait to read it!

johnny is nothing short of confident and sure of himself, he’d constantly taunt and tease his innocent s/o, loving the way you get embarrassed and flustered so easily. he definitely has a bit of a power trip the whole time; being the one in control and having the absolute pleasure of corrupting his sweet little s/o.

he doesn’t take anything from you. instead he just taunts you, and leaves the choice of whether or not you want it to stop being a joke and be real up to you in the end. johnny’s always making kissy faces when he’s around you, anything you do or say somehow gets twisted into a taunting beg for a smooch, “yah, your makeup looks so cute today, gimme a kiss~” and teasingly leans down with puckered lips, laughing when you panic internally and smoosh his face away with your palm. johnny can’t say he isn’t beyond pleased when you’re finally fed up with his teasing, and as soon as he’s in proximity with that teasing gleam in his eye, you strike quickly, damn near missing your mark when you plant a quick kiss to his plush lips that has him essentially malfunctioning before he realizes what’s just happened; and then he’s right back to that smug, taunting smile while he grins down at you, “ah, my baby’s getting brave these days, huh? how about another one~”

he’s not one that’ll try and push you to the next level just because you’ve made progress with physical affection—but that doesn’t mean johnny won’t have his fun tormenting you until you’ve given him the green light to go further. his favorite way of teasing his s/o is definitely when he’s tugged you to sit in his lap, something he loves doing because no matter what, his larger size always manages to make you so small and cute and the way it immediately has his innocent partner flustered is just icing on the cake. whether it’s in bed or on the couch, even in the car when there’s not enough seats for him and his members along with you, johnny’s designated his lap at yours personal seat. then the devil has to up the ante—the instant shock on your face and tiny gasp you give when he experimentally starts moving his leg one day, purposefully having you bounce on the firm muscles just to see your reaction is priceless, he can’t stop himself from letting a deep laugh out, much to your embarrassment. just testing the waters, johnny’s strong hands on your hips subtly encourage you to move on your own, guiding you to slowly rock along with the bounce of his leg, all while he’s softly encouraging you, “hmm, it feels good, doesn’t it baby? it’s okay~i know it does, it’s okay to like it. you can...you can move more, if you want....just, let yourself feel good, it’s okay~” to say thigh riding becomes a regular occurrence is an understatement, johnny enjoys watching the embarrassment and shyness flowing through you while you get off on his thigh. how you try to hide your face and moans behind shaky hands, feeling your warmth through his jeans. it’s more of a power trip than anything, that he’s not even touching you yet, yet you’re coming undone just for him, on him.

johnny loves being the one that gets to give you all these new experiences; being completely in control knowing he knows what he’s doing and you’re trusting him to make you feel good. the first time he takes it to the next level started out innocent enough; just cuddling during a movie night, and johnny’s wandering hands just massaging the soft skin just above your panties, his pinky teasing at your panty line posing a silent question. his other arm cuddling you close to him, he can feel your heart pounding, even as your breath gets heavy and you subtly move your hips back against him—your silent approval. johnny’s more than happy with the progress; he’ll spend literal hours just toying with your pussy like it’s not affecting him at all, loving being able to hold your writhing form against him while his thick fingers alternate between toying with your sensitive clit and teasing your entrance, flashing his slick covered fingers to you while taunting you, “so, so sensitive, aren’t you? look at the mess you made, completely soaked, i don’t think you’ll have an problem taking my cock, what do you think?”

johnny’s big on prep, or more so it’s his excuse to lay out between your legs for an outrageous amount of time before the big finale; strong hands keeping your twitching thighs contained while he’s putting in work between your thighs. eating like a starved man, johnny alternates between abusing your poor clit; quick kitten licks and suckling on the bundle of nerves, completely ready to hold your bucking hips down and drown in your shrill cries, and soothing you while running the flat of his tongue from your entrance and over your clit and back again, toying at your entrance while he introduces his fingers, sinking two long fingers into your core while he mutters against your pussy, “gotta open you up a bit, babe. get you ready to take my cock, gonna take good care of you~” once he’s worked a good orgasm or two out of your tired body, your fluids and his spit covering his mouth and your pussy and he’s sure you’re completely ready to take him. he’s erratic when he’s giving you pleasure, when he’s touching you or eating you, johnny is like an animal but while he’s coating his own length in your release, grinding his hard length against your waiting core, he’s suddenly slow, more cautious—he knows he’s no small man, and as eager as he is to claim his lover, johnny doesn’t want to hurt you. he lowers the climbing anxieties of getting to the final act, settling his comforting weight on you, caging you in his arms like he’s trying to protect you and claims your lips in a soothing kiss while slowly guiding his hard length into your waiting pussy—feeling you tense as soon as the thick head breached your opening, he soothes his hands over your tensed thighs, very slowly rocking his hips until he’s fully buried inside your warmth. he doesn’t move an inch for a time, just kissing you, warm hands massaging any soft flesh he can find to ease the tensed muscles. not to say it’s not a struggle on his part, your warmth and tightness around him feels like he’s reached the gates of heaven.

johnny is definitely more of a dominant, rough lover but for his sweet lover’s first time, he’s incredibly slow and gentle, taking his time and moving cautiously within you with shallow thrusts without completely withdrawing from you, letting you continue to get used to his full length stretching you out, reaching depths within you you never imagined. he keeps you distracted still with his kisses, sometimes pausing to hold incredibly intimate eye contact. love and adoration flooding his golden eyes while he slowly thumbs your clit to get your growing orgasm on par with his—toying with you for so long before hand, johnny’s been on edge for ages and can barely contain himself for long, desperate trying to get you to cum with him in you for the first time before he busts, low grunts and heavy breathing mixing with your sharp cries and breathless whimpers as his hips twitch, filling you with a foreign warmth before collapsing against you. sweating and exhausted, johnny smothers your face in kisses until you giggle and try to jokingly push his face away, “how do you feel, not hurt are you—no? good, good—my baby did so well, took me so well~never time, we’re going to have more fun, just you wait~”

♡〜Can you write an enemies to lovers one shot with Sam Wilson pls? 👉👈💖-anon〜♡

Sam Wilson x gender neutral reader

I don’t know much about Sam but I’ll try my best. I haven’t watched FATWS, and I have no idea what exactly the Sokovia Accords do.

Not very satisfied with this

Requested: Yes

Word Count: 1603

Warnings: swearing

Even before the Sokovia Accords, you and Sam had a bit of a rivalry. 

He was too cocky, too brazen, took nothing seriously. One day, his joking nature would kill him. There’s nothing good about a wasted life. You know he’s skilled; even if his attitude got taken advantage of, he could handle the situation. That said, no prediction in life is 100% for sure. One moment, you’re having the time of your life; the next, you got nothing.

Though in reality, his humour only spiked up around you because he enjoyed seeing you annoyed. There was something about you becoming so easily pissed that made it so goddamn amusing. He liked having a leverage over you, especially when you were so damn serious about every single nitpicking thing. This didn’t mean you didn’t anger him, you were so called enemies for a reason. There’s certain things you do that are so infuriating. Things you do that everybody else does yet they’re so irritating when you do them.

He was always trying to show you up, and even if you knew that training wasn’t a competition or that you shouldn’t be arguing over senseless topics, you really wanted to wipe that shit eating grin off his face.

You couldn’t even stand in the same room together.

Signing the Sokovia Accords gave you a reason to beat the attitude out of him, and you’d gladly take it.

Although, that kid, Peter, apparently had it covered. The teenager fought against the two adults easily, to the point that you really didn’t need to interfere. Granted, that did mean you didn’t get to punch your rival in the face, but it was amusing enough to see him humiliated.

Besides, you had other things to do, something like deal with a ginormous ‘ant-man’.

After the fight and after Cap’s team became free fugitives, you’d received an anonymous call. Not one to be scared, you answered it.

“(y/n)!” The caller said with a familiar joking tone.

“Ugh,” You groan. “Sam.”

“Meet me at the cafe down the road from the tower. I’d like to catch up with you.”

“Who says I can’t arrest you?”

“I know you wouldn’t.” And with that, he hung up on you.

You thought you’d never have to deal with him again. Surely he would’ve kept his distance, surely he would’ve gone underground or something. But nooo, he just had to contact you, didn’t he?

“Sam.” You greet with an obviously annoyed tone.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite friend, (y/n)! This is your usual, right?” He gestures to the untouched plastic cup on the table. It is your favorite, how he knows that, you don’t know.

“Is this a date or something?” You ask, taking a seat.

“Who’s to say it isn’t?” His words shock you, though you don’t let it show. “Aww, come on, don’t look at me like that.”

Furrowed eyebrows and a deep frown decorate your face. You will yourself to ease, but you keep your guard up. “Spit it out, Wilson. What do you need me here for?”

“Now, why would you think I’m scheming something?” He stirs his drink with its straw absentmindedly, sending you a playful stare. He’s being oh so friendly, there has to be something he’s planning.

You scoff, and god does it infuriate him. He’d called you on impulse, he had no idea why and no idea why he even wanted to, but here you were. He had absolutely no plan. “Always pushing my buttons.” He mutters to himself. After clearing his throat, he speaks up again, “I only wanted to talk.”

You raise a brow, one that he really wants to punch off your face.

“You think I can’t do anything nice?”

“I think you’re extremely incapable of doing so.” You and your fancy vocabulary. He wanted you to whisper all your hatred towards him in words he couldn’t understand, just so he could make fun of them; or at least, he hoped. It certainly felt like he wanted it all for another reason.

“But, thanks for the drink.. I guess.” You weren’t raised just to have no manners.

“By the way you owe me-” You cut him off with a familiar glare. “Alright, alright, nothing.”

Suddenly you stand, taking your cup with you. “I have to get going.” For absolutely hating his guts, you look ashamed to leave. “Unlike you, I’m not a fugitive. I have a job to do.”

“Nice seeing you.” He says spontaneously.

“Yeah.”

For a supposed fugitive, you saw him around often. Each time he was nicer and kinder, even if he had even more of a reason to make you his enemy.

Even so, just like always, it was passive aggressive. But there was something new in it; as much as you didn’t want to admit it, the air would be filled with sexual tension.

Everytime you want to see him smirk, you want to both punch and kiss it off his face.

And, it’s only after that you stop seeing him on a regular basis that you realize that he brings out your playful attitude.

Out of all the people in the world, Sam Wilson was not who you wanted to be in a relationship with. Yet the world wanted to be cruel to you and tell you otherwise. 

“How’ve the Sokovia Accords been treating you?” You had a ‘date’ at the cafe every week. Sometimes you dreaded it, other times you looked forward to it.

“Horrible,” You say, absentmindedly staring at the abandoned Stark Tower. “They don’t let us go on missions anymore. I’m glad Tony keeps me around, at least. Don’t know what I’d do without him.”

Sam chuckles, god, you hated his laugh. He seemed to laugh at times where he - no, nobody should be laughing. “You’d need to get a civilian job.”

He relishes in the way you scrunch your face in disgust, laughing heartily. You hated the fact that each time you heard his lively sounds of amusement your chest would warm up. It was as if you enjoyed it.

You scoff, turning to look at him with a glare. He doesn’t seem to hate it as much these days. “What do you even do?”

“Oh, various things.” He shoots you a playful look. “I obviously can’t tell you.”

“Are they harder than beating a teenager?” You refer to his battle at the airport versus Spider-Man.

“I told you to drop that.” 

You roll your eyes, turning back to the tower. The conversation goes stale for a while. The silence between you is insufferable, especially because the people around you talk so enthusiastically.

Sam takes the last sip of his drink before looking at you. “Hey,” as he reaches to tap you on the shoulder, you turn to him again. He freezes for a second then quickly pulls back his hand. He sends you a smile, awkward and seemingly nervous, “I gotta go.”

You nod. He takes his leave, walking quicker than you’ve ever seen him go. As you stare at his retreating form, your hand subconsciously rubs the place his was going to be. Your shoulder burns at the touch, as if it was denying your hand and calling for his.

Fucking Falcon.

“Hey, would you want to join…” Sam gulps, looking at everything but you. He’s nervous, has been for the past week. He refused to tell you why. “Me, Cap’ and the crew?”

You raise an eyebrow. “Sam, this is what you call me for, at the middle of the night? What does that even mean?”

“Well, we do some vigilante stuff, make sure nobody knows it’s us. I was wondering if you wanted to join us.” Without giving it so much as a thought, you scoff. The sound disappoints him, of course you didn’t want to join him. What was he even thinking about?

“You think I would join you?”

But he saw how painful it was for you to sign the Sokovia Accords, your remorse as you fought them… you were a good person, he knew that. 

“Then what are you going to do?” He groans, “The accords prohibit you from doing anything at all. The Avengers grouped together to save people. Even if they try to stop us, we have to keep going. We risk our lives for the people, not to appease the government!”

“But all of this happened because of our mistake! The Sokkovia Accords only-” You keep going on and on, to the point where you’re only spouting nonsense. Sam knows you, even if he’s been your rival the entire time you’ve known each other; as your former ally, he knows everything about your morals. 

He knows you don’t mean this shit, he knows that you’re lying to yourself, and he knows that you regret signing. He can tell that much from the moments you’ve been spending together.

“(y/n), listen to me.” He puts his hands on your shoulders, stopping you from ranting any longer. “You’re lying to yourself.”

“You wouldn’t know that.” You scoff, despite the longing sensation he leaves on your shoulders. You try to push him away, but he doesn’t let you. “You-”

He interrupts you with a kiss and it’s everything you’ve been waiting for. It’s rough but it certainly wakes you up. 

“You’re lying to yourself.” He repeats. 

You take a deep breath, regaining your composure. “You’re right.”

“Come with me, please.” Sam pleads, trailing his hand up to your face and cupping your cheeks. “I miss having you on my side.”

You give in to his touch, moving into his arms for an embrace. “Alright.”

Random Wanda Vision Thoughts--

Episode 1: I am an emotional bitch crying at Wanda and Vision saying “i do” at the end of episode 1, like can these babies please catch a break? they just want to be happy. 

Also Agnes and the 70′s show mom are my favorite wtf. 

STARK TOASTERS I SEE YOU. 

WHO IS WATCHING THEM WTF 

Episode 2: 

Dottie should die, she seems like the type who needs gently run over by a bus

WHO IS IN THE RADIO

Elizabeth Olsen is so cute in this, absolutely adorable 

IS THAT DAVID SCHWIMMER PLAYING THE PIANO

Vision is drunk from getting gum in his gears, I’m actually cackling right now. 

Tiny bit culty with the “for the children” thing, huh? Yikes

BABY BUMP! 

Some creepo decides to get in on their world and Wanda literally went “i think the fuck not, let’s try this again and this time in technicolor” 

is that the cop who asked out Ant Man on the radio?

The difference in “sitcom” Wanda who is happy in her world and “real life” Wanda when she realizes something isn’t right is honestly astonishing and Grade A Face Acting. See what happens when they let women do more on screen then walk around in tight clothes with full lips parted in a sexy pout? 

Episode 3: 

Seventies Vision’s hair is ENDING ME, I can’t even deal with that. 

IT HAS TO BE DAVID SCHWIMMER except he looks like “russ” from friends instead of “ross” 

Poor Vision is not handling impending fatherhood well 

COMIC BOOK NAME DROP BILLY AND TOMMY I LOVE IT 

Poor pregnancy fritzing Wanda. DID WANDA JUST GLITCH A TIME ERASE AND NOT MEAN TO? Listen, I did not expect to love them as a couple this much. EW HER WATER BROKE OMG 

A STORK 

Oh Wanda, poor baby she’s so afraid, I write way too much fan fiction about how all these characters are secretly terrified to go through life alone to be okay with this. 

Why did I start crying immediately when the babies were born, I’m too emotional for this. She is so beautiful and Vision is so soft meeting his son as himself, oh my gosh. THE TWIN SCREAMS while the other twin comes omg this is Grade A Sitcom bullshit. 

The doctor knows something is Up and so do Herb and Agnes. *don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious*

...have we actually seen Ralph and I’m just blanking on it? WHY DON’T THEY LIKE GERALDINE? WHO IS SHE?

Oh no i’m crying again over pietro and the sokovian lullaby. Don’t let me watch this while I’m PMSing wtf this is torture. GERALDINE KNOWS ABOUT ULTRON

OH SHIT WANDA IS PISSED LOOK AT THAT DANGEROUS LADY. that head tilt is fucking lethal. 

I love agnes oh man. I know because of spoilers she’s something of a bad guy? but I love her

WHAT HAPPENED TO GERALDINE OMG DID WANDA KILL HER

Oh no, not dead. Just kicked tf out of the bubble. I just realized the symbol is for Sword. Is this some sort of experiment to keep Wanda contained post Endgame? I should have read more spoilers, I’m fucking confused. 

Episode 4: OH HOLY SHIT IT’S MONICA RAMBEAU AND IT’S POST EG SNAP OH MY GOSH SHE HAS NO IDEA SHES BEEN GONE FOR FIVE YEARS MY HEART IS BREAKING MY HEART IS BREAKING I CAN’T TAKE IT 

It IS the cop that hit on Ant Man! WHAT DO THEY MEAN WESTVIEW DOESN’T EXIST 

Oh it’s Darcy! Damn straight it’s Dr. Lewis. How very shocking, a woman was the one to show a room full of Ridiculous Men what’s going on?

ZOMBIE VISION OH MY GOD “no we can’t” oh man she is starting to CRACK and Vision knows something is wrong OH NO 

At this point I should point out that I am 1000% surprised at the quality of the show and 1000% pleasantly surprised by how much I’m enjoying it. The bar for Wanda’s character development was literally subterranean, but this is has been frankly sort of amazing?? 

Episode 5

Agnes asking about “taking it from the top” WHAT. I love so much the way the characters “break character” it’s so interesting and well done! WHY IS WANDA LYING TO VISION. 

WHERE IS RALPH

oh my god the babies are children now?? why isn’t agnes noticing?? THEY’RE SO CUTE I COULD CRY ALL OVER AGAIN 

I do not. trust. hayward. Why is he asking about Wandas nickname? Monica knows whats up-- she knows Wanda is grieving and hurting. 

THE VISIONS CORPSE WHAT? WHAT IS WANDA DOING OH MY GOD SHE STOLE VISION. Vision has a living will? Don’t you have to be human for that? Are you telling me the woman that loved Vision would straight up ignore his wish to not be turned into a weapon after his death? I have a hard time with this. 

Oh no Vision is starting to worry me. He’s onto Agnes, he’s noticing Wanda getting careless...the boys are adorable though. Good on Agnes for not even flinching. 

DAMN RIGHT WANDA COULD HAVE TAKEN OUT THANOS LETS HAVE SOME RESPECT PEOPLE. Also, why is Monica being sketchy about Captain Marvel? 

EMAIL ALERT EMAIL ALERT “none of it is real.” oh my god what is happening?!?!

“Is this yours?” OH MY GOD. “This will be your only warning” she is so unafraid and I love her for it. I love her accent coming back when she breaks characters LOOK AT HER TURNING ALL THOSE MEN AROUND I LOVE HER. 

“Fix the dead” oh my god the shock on her face. The absolute irony of her trying to tell her boys there’s rules when she’s writing the playbook as she goes. Oh my god. “Can’t I?” Jesus, then the credits start rolling because she wants the episode to be over but Vision won’t let her OH MY GOD. My heart is breaking

WHAT DOES IT MEAN SHE DOESN’T KNOW 

SHE RECAST PIETRO

Episode 6

OOOOH look at the classic costumes! Pietro is slaying me. I mean, it’s the wrong pietro but its still very funny. The way Vision calls her out and then plays it off is.... spooky. She is fully aware thats not her brother. “Be good.” holy shit. 

Look at me not liking Hayward again. “which one is the sassy best friend” i feel like that’s....racist. “don’t use the last five years as an excuse to be a coward” DRAG HIM SIS 

Listen Uncle Pietro being a little shit head is my favorite. I use the OG Pietro in my fics but this one is hilarious. 

Vision lied about being on duty? Yikes. The one house where people are stuck in a loop? YIKES. Its crazy how everyone is starting to be super aware of Wanda pulling the strings--MAGIC CHILD OMG. 

Whats past ellis avenue? Is that the limit of Wanda’s powers? I don’t super understand how Vision has his powers if he’s technically dead. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE AVENGERS ARE she really just gave him enough life to exist just barely. Agnes knows he’s dead so she wasn’t snapped??

Agnes’s witchy laugh while dressed like a witch is legit awesome. We call that FOREEEEEEEEESHADOWING! Oh and there’s Ellis Ave. Got it. 

Monica’s blood is changed?? Idk how to feel about Black Character willing to die for White Charaxter? I mean I know Wanda should be Jewish but still. Uncomfortably close to icky tropes but maybe I’m reading too far into it.

YIKES where was she hiding the kids till now? How’d she do all this? “I’m not a stranger or your husband” YIKES.

OH MY GOD DEAD PIETRO

OH MY GOD VISION STAY IN THE BUBBLE SOMEONE SAVE HIM SAVE HIM OMG BILLY CAN HEAR HIS DADDY DYING SAVE HIM

“The people need help” oh Vision you are truly Worthy

She literally expanded her world to save him omg

DARCY WHERED YOU GO geez look at power of this girls mind it’s about damn time we got a glimpse at just how intense her powers are

Season 7

Ok is this like a reality show? Oh man she is GLITCHING.

Oh no it’s just Wanda not Wanda vision cos she feels alone? So sad. She really is losing it isn’t she and not in a “lol how awkward” sortnof way but in that truthful hard to watch way that so many of us feel when we’re at the breaking point

“I actually did bite a kid once” I literally ugly laughed right there

I KNEW I COULDNT TRUST HAYWOOD

It’s so nice to see Darcy used in a real way. Her character was totally wasted in Thor

The way Wandas little interviews get more and more sad :(

Uhhh what does that mean Agnes is quiet on the inside? Again with the Ralph thing. I’m starting to think there’s no Ralph at all??

LOOK AT THIS GIRL WITH HER SPACE ROVER . She’s got that same look of determination her mama had. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER WHY ARE HER EYES BLUE

“....soooo Wanda killed me?” I’m ugly laughing again and I shouldn’t be but the comedic delivery is excellent. The whole “office” vibe with the cameras is making an otherwise devastating episode fairly funny

LOOK AT THIS GIRL STANDING UP TO WANDA we love a sharp cheekbones beauty

“Maybe I already am” I mean, I would have loved to hear that post Ultron when for some reason everyone blamed Tony for everything?? But hearing it now is just horrifying and I hate it

Oh vision deciding to go get to his wife is beautiful.

WHERE ARE THE BABIES WHERE ARE THE BOYS OH MY GOD IM FREAKING OUT WHAT BASEMENT THATS NEVER GOOD

Uh hey what the fuck is up with Agness creepy basement of horrors??

AGATHA HARKNESS OH MY GOD

This song is a BOP wtf she deserves an Emmy for this shit

Snoopers gonna snoop what?

Episode 8

Of course it’s Salem, where else would a witch story start

“They simply bent to my power” What a queen

lmaoooo THAT ACCENT COMES AND GOES Agatha really said what we’ve all been thinking

Wait so Wandas power drew Agatha in? I thought maybe Agatha trapped her here?? SHE DOESNT KNOW WHAT WANDA IS

THE BABIES

Oh ouch this trip down memory lane is gonna hurt me isn’t it?

Oh no her mama I’m dying inside send help. The TV sitcoms. Oh my god is this her last memory before her parents died. HELP ME I CANT WATCH THIS

Oh my god, she had powers when she was little?? SHES NOT AN EXPERIMENT???

Listen I generally think telling a story retroactively is lazy writing? Just give us a well developed story the first time?? But this is BRUTAL and brutally well done.

SHE SAW HERSELF IN THE MIND STONE???

Would it have been so difficult for them to give us even a PEEK at this version of wanda vision in CACW? Marvel has the worst habit of just popping up like “oh hey these two love each other all the sudden with no real reason for it” but this is wonderful. So much character development.

Oh listen to this woman begging to be able to bury her husband omg. WAIT SO SHE DIDNT BREAK IN AND TAKE HIM?? WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO VISION?? DID HE PUSH HER INTO THIS PSYCHOTIC BREAK?? HE TOTALLY PLAYED HER INTO RECREATING VISION SHE JUST WANTED CLOSURE. He literally showed her visions dismembered corpse and said “say goodbye” I will kill this dude wtf

“I can’t feel you” guys I have to pause this so I can cry for a minute

“I can’t feel you” and then she leaves. Totally alone in the world. My heart is an empty husk.

Why the house though? Why west view?

OH FUCK ME UP ARE YOU KIDDING ME VISION WAS GOING TO BUILD THEM A HOUSE I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE

It’s not even real vision? Just the projection of her broken heart? “Welcome home” I am broken. Physically broken.

CHAOS MAGIC

SCARLET WITCH

I CANNOT

OH MY GOD WHITE VISION??? NO NO NO

Criminal Minds Preference: Having a Caring Girlfriend (Only Hotch and Reid)

Request: Ok, can you write for me a criminal minds preference where Hotch and Spence have very caring girlfriends 😁 Maybe after hard missions or even normal days, you know?

Authors Note: Thought this was cute! PLEASE SEND IN REQUESTS, THIS IS LITERALLY THE ONLY ONE IN MY ASK BOX AND I NEED MORE JUST BECAUSE I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU ALL WANNA READ!!

Summary: It’s all in the title, and request. I did do both after a mission and on just regular days. 

After A Mission

- You make sure everything housework wise is done so that he doesn’t feel like he has to do anything. 

- If it’s late at night you put Jack to bed or surprise Aaron with Jack awake to say goodnight and then put him to bed. 

- You take his coat and brief case at the door and put it in its place so he doesn’t have to worry about it. 

- Drinking a little and discussing the mission and anything else he wants to talk about.

- Staying up for when he comes so that you can talk, especially because you don’t want him to feel like he’s never around enough to talk to you. 

- Rubbing his shoulders because stress.

- Unplugging the home phone so that the telemarketers do not bother him to answer the phone.

- Getting his pajamas for him and offering him snacks.

- Telling him stories about Jack and the fun things you did together so he knows he doesn’t have to worry about how you all are.

- Reassuring him that everything is okay and that you are truly happy. 

- Letting him just lay his head on your lap or shoulder, sitting uncomfy so that he can get some good sleep. Or even just letting him hold you really close so he can sleep

- Leaving lights on so he knows he’s safe to be inside and nothing bad happened to anyone. But like specific lights so he for sure knows.

Normal Days

- Waking up with Jack and making special breakfast for Aaron. I mean the whole 9 yards. Bacon, eggs, sausage, pancakes, waffles, biscuits, French toast. You name it. 

- Once out of bed you make the bed and tidy up as you go so he doesn’t have to do house work on his days off. 

- Already having a fun day detailed and planned out. 

- Making outings whether it be the park, museum, or movie. Mostly the movies because it’s stress free to keep an eye on Jack and for Aaron keeping an eye on both of you. And then getting dinner afterwards

-  If you plan on staying in it’s baking, board games, fort building, and movies. Also story time. You clean it up though so the boys can spend time together and no one has to stress about messes and Aaron can have fun.

- Keeping an eye on the phone so that unless it’s someone important Aaron can answer but if its’ just someone wanting to bother him you can answer and tell them he’s unavailable. 

- Anything Aaron you’re on it. Whether that be a blanket or a shower. 

- Reassuring him that you don’t care to do the work and that you love him regardless

- Listening to music all together in the car and everyone singing along, making playlists together 

- At night after Jack goes to bed you make the entire night about just Aaron. It’s whatever he wants. 

- Most the time it’s shower, pajamas, talking about life, sex, adult type movies (as in not for small children), making late night snacks and drink, and lastly sleeping cozy

After A Mission

- Laying Spencers’ favorite books out on the table along with new ones because you always get him new books.

- Making his favorite treats just in case he’s hungry when he comes home

- Wearing one of his undershirts, sweaters, or hoodies because that always makes him smile if he’s had a bad time. 

- Literally hearing his foot steps and opening the door before he can touch the handle. 

- Always waiting to see his reaction before touching him or offering him anything, if he greets you and then gives you a hug you know you’re good to love on him and talk his ear off and give him food and show him his books.

- If he just gives you a sad smile but doesn’t move its big hug time and no offering stuff just holding his hand and bringing him to bed, running your hand through his hair and holding him until he’s ready to talk or falls asleep.

- Usually he’s okay so then you share snacks. You turn on a movie to watch and lay on his lap whilst he reads through his books. Once he’s done reading he finishes the movie with you. 

- If he comes home at dinner time you always have dinner prepared and the living areas nice looking. 

- Lots of talking, Spencer loves talking about all of what happened just to get it out of his system. He needs to do it. He loves when you run his fingers through his hair and kiss his forehead and let him ramble. 

- At whatever time the two of you quit talking and joking its time to go lay in bed. In bed there’s lots of cuddling, lots of holding. Whether it be you holding him or him holding you. There’s also sex and kisses and hugs. 

- In bed is when you tell him how much you love him, care about him, and understand his job and love for his job. You tell him what he needs to hear which is always the truth and it always makes him feel happy and enough. 

Normal Days

- Obviously making him coffee and bringing his favorite books. Also making sure he has fresh clothes for the day. And picking out a pair of his fun socks for him to wear (sometimes you mix and match so both of you get to wear fun socks).

- Spencer reading to you whilst drinking your coffee

- Planning your day together so that you know what he wants to do. Usually if he wants to go out it’ll be to a vintage store, book store, old movie/drive in movie, museum, or any type of science convention. 

- If you stay in its usually movies, books, painting, trying to cook, puzzles, challenges (like who can do what the fastest), laundry together, story telling, and lots of cuddling.

- You always make sure that Spencer has the best off days. Even if something goes wrong you save it for yourself to deal with later.

- You take lots of cute pictures together so that when he’s away he has a little surprise and to always know he has you. You also write him a love letter every time he leaves and put it with the pictures

- Late nights are absolutely the best, there’s nothing better than spending a late night with him. His magic tricks and stories are beyond words. His concentration face when he’s sleepy is so cute. It’s doe eyes with lip biting, i mean cmon. Bad joke are even better, he tries so hard to tell jokes. He’s the biggest sweetheart in the whole world. 

- Cuddling to sleep is always warm and amazing, he’s so cuddly. He keeps his arms around you. Sometimes though you’ll wake up to his hand on your face and he’ll still be asleep. 

Hey, can I get some advice on improving my descriptions / becoming more literate? I feel like I'm really dull when it comes to my writing and would like some advice! Thank you!

You absolutely can, thank you for asking! I apologize it took me a bit to get to this, tumblr didn’t show me notifications and I’ve been rather busy. Hopefully, I can offer some good advice!

Please, keep in mind that, as always, it is just my advice. If these things do not work out for you, don’t feel bad about it! You just need to find what does work for you. And, if you have anything that jumps out at you that you wish me to elaborate more on, or even that simply occurs to you more specifically to ask as you read, please, do ask! I am always happy to have those questions, of course.

Being more literate in itself can help. It can also be a hindrance, however, as we tend to compare ourselves to others negatively. I’d say not to do that, but it’s something you have to unlearn, not something you can simply stop doing. We’re taught a lot of self-criticism by comparison in both the educational system and our society. You’ve got learn to approach material you enjoy as just that, something you enjoy, not a standard you need to uphold. All writers should be unique, they’re all individual people! I think the death of a good many unwritten works hinges on that, honestly; the writer couldn’t live up to their own expectations, born of comparison to their literary heroes.

That being said? Read.

Read new and diverse things, and revisit old favorites. Learn as many words as you can in whatever way works best for you; through reading alone, through word of the day apps, or looking up novel words you run across/looking up words as you write to compare them to synonyms. I know, tumblr has gotten really nasty in recent years about writers who seem to have “regurgitated a thesaurus.” There is always a bad way to do something good, there are always excesses when you’re passionate about something. Don’t replace every third word with an exotic one simply because you think it looks better. Do replace words that are, legitimately, better in how they evoke the setting or mood you are going for. Remember that word flow is important, perhaps especially when it comes to descriptions.

If you do not tend to read much material that is description heavy, I’d suggest doing so. Try to find works that are still descriptive, but fit with the genres you like to both read and write the best to get you started, but don’t stay there exclusively. It doesn’t need to be something like...let’s say, Tolkien. Not to piss anyone off, I’m not anti-Tolkien or anything, but I could never get into his works, regardless of interest or effort, because they’re so description heavy, and in ways that don’t pique or hold my interest much. So, if you find that you are not into description laden works, that isn’t a poor reflection on you! It’s more likely that you simply aren’t into those specific works, you need to find something that is more of interest to you, personally.

If you do tend to read many works that are descriptive at all, take up a few of your favorites and pick some passages within them that you enjoyed the most. Ones that you could feel. When they described an outfit, you not only saw it, you saw the way it moved on the character, knew what it would feel like to touch it. When they described a setting in nature, you had a sensory experience there as well; you could smell the hyper-specific scent of wildflowers on a warm breeze, or the electric chill of a sudden summer storm moving in.

Ask yourself what does this for you so that you can experiment with doing it yourself. Is it the words, the word flow? Is it what the author isn’t saying, leaving the reader to automatically fill in with their own sensory recollections? There are so many ways of being descriptive in writing, as many as there are writers, and as many as there are things to be descriptive about.

So, it’s, again, a bit of a situation of finding what naturally pulls you into those descriptions yourself. While there are always good rules that can apply across the board with writing, it is a creative art. If you’re only following the rules others have set down, you can end up feeling negative about the process, yourself, and the product...or your readers/RP partners feel like the work is lacking or boring. Even when people can’t quite put their finger on something, forced work feels forced, unnatural, or lacking substance.

Diversify what you consume.

I know, I just said that thing about the familiar stories! Once you’re better able to identify what it is that stands out as evocative to you, though, you can better feel that in unfamiliar works. You can get a better idea of how language itself works as a living thing. Read some things out of your usual genres, ask for recommendations from friends or family who read, check out some older works, and even follow some blogs that post a variety of poetry quotes or full poems.

Reading song lyrics and a variety of other spoken-word style things like slam poetry and rap is helpful as well. They’re all doing the same here, evoking imagery and emotion. That is what you are trying to do as well! These formats, additionally, use highly evocative words to describe in a shortened way. They are great for realizing unique ways that familiar words can be paired.

By going outside of your usual bounds, you may encounter words, writing styles, and other descriptive qualities you hadn’t considered before. If you don’t, you still end up with a fuller grasp on writing itself. Everything is a potential learning experience if you are willing to approach it that way! Use it to play around with words and styles, Use this as experimentation, and realize that it is perfectly alright for it not to work out. That’s part of the exercise of finding what works for you; realizing what doesn’t work.

When you have some ideas of what makes you experience the things being described, practice. Pick anything. In fact, incredibly mundane, irrelevant things are perfect for this. If you can describe a sock in good detail, in a way that isn’t either inaccurate or boring, giving it relevance and life, you can describe anything.

Use ask memes and writing prompts, and write them out from your character’s perspective.

Even if you are not writing a first person account, it helps you to use narrative language that the muse might use, or that gives the reader a intuitive feeling for the muse. Don’t try to fill the whole thing up with descriptions. Sometimes, just simplifying is a good thing, and will help more relevant details stand out.

For example, I will often use things in the environment around my muse to help pair with, further denote, and give the reader a feeling for the muse’s emotions, psychological state, and so on. If that muse is in a hectic state, I’m not going to describe something in the environment that isn’t, like a peaceful meadow. I’m going to describe the seeming chaos of some ants in the grass taking apart their food, the erratic seeds or spores on the wind, or the clatter of an old farm truck on the roadway that breaks up the peace of the surroundings.

It’s a very different effect than describing the entire meadow in high detail, in ways that are perceptible to my muse and not, down to a blade of grass or a rock. It then takes over too much of my reader’s imaginative process and agency without giving them anything of nonnegotiable importance about the scene or the muse. Details that reflect a state of internal distress, like the ants, seeds, or truck, then fall by the wayside of this massive scene-setting I’ve done. And, as unfortunate as it is, if you are writing RP especially, your audience is looking for details that are pertinent and impactful. They’re likely to, intentionally or otherwise, skip several paragraphs of descriptions no matter how beautiful they are.

Since you just said “descriptions” and “writing” {nothing wrong with that, I just want to be sure I’m covering as much as possible that might be of help to you}, I’m not sure if you are meaning external descriptions or more internalized, character-driven ones, and not sure if you are writing only RP, only traditional writing, or a combination thereof.

As I said above, using descriptions that reflect things about the muse is useful and interesting, regardless of how or what you are writing. So, even if you were not meaning internalized descriptions, doing the things I’m about to talk about relating to this will still be helpful!

Internalized descriptions include things like: mood, thoughts, memories, and sensory perception.

To do these things any justice, you have to really know your muse, be able to experience things from their unique perspective and not just your own - or just what you wish the reader to experience through them.

If you didn’t have inspiration for the muse, you wouldn’t be writing them, but inspiration isn’t the same as knowing them as well, maybe better, than yourself. To do that, it is a process of learning and experimentation...and practice.

Those memes I mentioned above? Those are useful here, too! It doesn’t matter if it isn’t an ask meme you want to reblog, or if no one sent you anything from it; you can find a variety of memes, save them, and ask yourself the questions.

On sentence memes, or “starter memes,” ask yourself what your muse’s internal reaction to having that sentence said to them would be, how it might externalize (or not), and if these things are true, or just your perception/what you would like to have happen. If you’ve developed this muse from scratch or spent time learning them from canon, you should have some pretty good ideas as to how they’ll feel. Expand on that instinctive or learned idea. Does it change if a different muse or character type says this? Say it is an inflammatory sentence, something accusatory, derogatory, or pushy. Do they react the same way if a loved one says it instead of a stranger? How about a person who is obviously intoxicated, or a person who is under the influence of youth, so to speak? Take that, and write out two different scenarios.

On ask, or “headcanon/development memes,” pick a question and answer it yourself. Just answer it in depth. Now, have your muse answer that question. You may notice that the muse didn’t want to answer as clearly, is lying or omitting things, and/or had other thoughts generated by that question. If you didn’t already do it this way, answer the question again as a story in which your muse goes through those thoughts. Describe their emotions using words that carry the same emotional resonance, not all descriptions need to be lengthy if the right words, right word order, are found for optimum impact on the reader. Write out the thoughts they are having, just as messy as they are naturally having them.

Outside of memes, you have yet more options for helpful exercises that get you in touch with your muse and your writing.

Try out photography and inspiration blogs. Pick a some pictures that drew your attention, and write about them descriptively. Write out how the picture makes you feel, what it makes you think about. Practice not just describing how something looks, but how it would feel to be there. Using the same pictures, write as your muse in the same way. Put them in this scene to give their experiences. It helps you get a grasp on putting impressions and experiences down in creative ways that allow others to experience it the same way, and it helps you more easily step into your muse’s mind and experiences.

Seeing things through your muse’s eyes (through the lens of their life experiences, preferences, biases, emotions, and thoughts) is critical in giving authentic descriptions. To do more of this, you can practice in every day life. Even if you cannot write it out, or write it out yet, you can consciously think as your muse. If your muse was watching this TV show or hearing this song, what would they think? Don’t just answer as, “they would/n’t like it.” Answer as to why they would or would not, what it makes them feel and think. You can continue doing this with your muse’s impressions of different environments and people.

You can even simply contemplate an emotion and how your muse feels and expresses it.

Adding on underlying and overarching emotions to the mix as you go along; emotion, and thought, is complex. We very rarely are only angry, sad, or happy. We are very rarely only thinking of a single thing, and even rarer, thinking of it out of nowhere. It’ll help you identify the way your muse experiences emotion and thought, as well as how best to describe these things.

For example, I write a muse that can easily present as simply being quiet and angry. Additionally, as the character develops, his actions and general behavior can seem to not match well with his overall, genuinely kind nature. It’s necessary for me as a writer to identify where the anger comes from, what its components are; it isn’t just anger. It’s built on the things anger so often is; frustration, sadness, and fear. It gives the reader insight and helps delineate the muse’s expression of “anger.” When the anger is coming more from a place of insulation and protection than it is frustration, it presents differently.

I describe the sensation of the most obvious emotion, the anger, but also the underlying states that have led to it being apparent. How it really feels to be a wounded animal in a corner. I describe an experience or two pertaining to the emotional pain and fear, keep it relevant throughout the text in callbacks (what set him off is related to those experiences in some way, and during or after the experience of anger, those other situations are referenced again). Maybe it is an outright flashback, maybe it is less thematically stated. The descriptions I use, again, of his surroundings-not just his expressions, tone of voice, or movements-denotes that he is in this particular state of mind. He might notice similarities in the environment relating to a previous bad experience, since he is in that mindset, or he might be noticing things in a more critical way than he normally would. Things he might see every day are being processed as hateful in some way; garish or otherwise visually displeasing, might be seen as outright harmful, or even menacing. Bold colors, sharp lines, stand out. Things come into high relief and are painted in large swaths of color, the minute details missing suddenly.

Further, you can think of things that make your own similar state of mind so much worse in these situations. Is there a repetitive sound in the background? Is the person he is speaking with seemingly blowing him off in some way? Is he hungry, tired, thirsty, in physical pain? I then write those things throughout as additional, building irritants. 

Using your personal experiences isn’t a bad thing, I really wish tumblr hadn’t gotten into that mindset. Unless you really have written a 100% self-insert character, they shouldn’t experience things exactly as you do, no. However, you have a basis to go off of already when you are describing their inner life; your own.

Maybe you have never been so wracked with grief that you collapsed, but you have been caught up in a significant loss of some sort that you can build upon. If you can better imagine what your muse’s experience is, you can describe it not only better, but also in a way that reads as legitimate. It’s not a description of grief that you could have gotten from anywhere else, doesn’t have cliché lines in it about grief, such as, “though he was drowning in an ocean of loss, he knew he had to be strong for his friends, so, he put on a brave face.” (There are other issues with that, but that’s a whole other post!)

My point is, you have the tools of accurate inner life within you, and you should use them to build that accuracy in your writing. Again, play with the words and structure, make sure you are building the feelings or otherwise being immersive about them. Keep them throughout the thread, do not have a muse magically become the opposite of what you’ve described because it is no longer convenient, and do not forgo little reminders that the muse feels the way they do, no matter what their actions might be saying.

When you describe your muse’s actions that are being influenced by an emotion, good or bad, use words that evoke the emotion while describing those actions.

If the muse is very sad, do not use words that bring to mind vivacity and passion. Don’t use metaphors that bring to mind those same things. Your muse doesn’t slink like a jungle cat to the table when depressed, but they might move in a daze, like a shadow, or a have to put maximum effort into their every step as though heading to their own execution.

I don’t think anyone should describe, let alone to an extreme, every action their muse undertakes, but when you are imparting these things with emotional tone or thought processes, it really shouldn’t be done. It’s exhausting for you to write, and just as exhausting for your reader, who is very likely going, okay, we get it, she’s angry. Like the descriptions of the surroundings, try to keep it to important and telling actions. You needn’t describe your muse’s every eye movement, but if they are so embarrassed they’re having trouble keeping eye contact, or so annoyed they glare, that is a description you want to add.

Writers never seem to forget facial expressions or dramatic body movements, which is reasonable, considering how visual a species humans are, but quite often forgo tone of voice and word pronunciation entirely. These are great ways to denote what your muse is feeling. Consider how your muse speaks most often, whether they work at proper pronunciation and hiding an accent, or if they simply let their most natural speech flow. Then, consider how different emotions might impact that. I’m not talking about the only go-to many muns on tumblr have, the “my muse speaks -first language here- when angry” thing. I’m talking about your muse entering into any emotion strongly enough to drop crisp pronunciation, outright mess up familiar and easy words, stumble, stutter, or pause. Write emotion into your muse’s speech, and don’t keep it to adding things like, “said angrily.”

That’s telling, not showing, and is the death of descriptive writing of any sort.

Doing any of the above in a document is highly recommended. Not only are you less likely to encounter tumblr eating your drafts as you work on them, you have more freedom to open it up later and play around with the structure. Additionally, writing directly on the platform can be distracting in more ways than just the desire to dash scroll! It can make you feel like you need to be doing what you owe instead, need to be responding to messages, posted memes, comments. Taking it off site feels more like your own space and time for experimentation.

I know this was long, and covered many points (though, it could always use more). So, I’m going to kind of rehash some below!

For learning and inspiration:

read things both familiar and not in order to figure out what sort of descriptions speak to you, then practice doing them yourself

read a variety of works, not just books, and not just new books; oftentimes, the lessons in older books will stand out to you even more for using descriptions that are no longer common. Those lessons still hold, like the very act of using common, highly recognizable objects and settings to describe a person, place, or thing. In those cases, see what you can rewrite that would give the same feeling using things that are currently so recognizable

don’t count out things like music and poetry, they flow with emotion and it is imperative that they give emotion and setting in unique ways

use ask/starter memes, pictures, and even common situations occurring around you to experiment with both writing descriptions and getting into your muse’s mindset

think on your own experiences with your environment and emotions

consider how your muse’s perceptions may change based upon thoughts and emotions, and/or how you can describe the setting to reflect and drive home these factors

really get to know your muse by exploring headcanon memes, giving yourself a refresher on their canon (yes, even if you wrote it), and comparing and contrasting your experiences with your muse’s on the same topics

experiment with new words, their use, and their flow

seriously, practice! Outside of writing you intend for anyone else to ever see!

Things to Remember:

you are unique as a person, therefore, you are unique as a writer...and that is a good thing, you just need to find what works for you

describe things that are important in setting the scene in ways that are not just visual; be emotive, and pick things that have bearing on the immediate topic

don’t forget that your muse’s voice and spoken words use can, and should be, impacted by thoughts and feelings

just like you, your muse is unlikely to see the same objects in the same light under any manner of strong emotional influence

also just like you, who is saying something and in what context is extremely important in how your muse reacts internally and how that is presented externally; if your muse feels and reacts the same way no matter the other party, they’re a little cardboard and you’re not being descriptive or thoughtful enough

listen, if you just really need to describe something utterly irrelevant to live another second? That’s fine, but you need to make it relevant. Perhaps, your muse noticed the cracks on that rock because they’re in an altered state - be that by way of a substance, or an emotion

there is a reason why we use clichés, and I am not going to say they should never be used, just that you should try to be more creative with them, and they should always be viable ones that truly match the mood

the same is true of words, we have some words that are just so commonly expressive of sensations and emotions that they come up quite often, but again, try to find something similar if possible, and always make sure it’s still evoking the right thing

I repeat: get in touch with your muse, even if you do not write them from first person. The language you use as a writer to describe them and their world is better if it feels like them

no support for tumblr’s anti-wordiness, but huge support for optimizing word use for maximum impact

to that end, if you’re a RPer, even a fic writer, please know that your desire to write descriptively isn’t going to be appreciated by some people. That’s their fucking loss, and you are better off without them. You will find the audience that will properly appreciate what you’re doing!

I hope some of this helped to give you some starting points you might not have thought of!

hey! ty sm for doing the matchup exchange with me, i look forward to writing your match! i’m rita and i go by she/her pronouns. i have a preference for men & i’m 16. my quirk would be similar to shinso & inumaki from jjk,, i can control ppl and animals just by saying a command,,, an indicator for when i’m using my quirk would be my eyes changing color & a side effect to using my quirk would be getting light headed.

i’m a libra sun, aquarius moon, & leo rising. a slytherin & intj-t. i’m v polite and reserved when you first meet me. i’m pretty introverted and i have anxiety. it takes me while to open up since it takes me a while to trust ppl. i do tend to get annoyed and angry by others easily,, i’m a bit of a hot head. i’m pretty chill and like joking around once i open up,, i can also be kinda dumb. i’m a bit of a loner and i don’t have many friends. i’m actually a bit of an emotional person but only when it comes to shows, movies, books, etc,, i tend to keep my emotions bottled up. i’m self conscious and self critical. i care a lot about having perfect grades and getting into a good university but i’m so lazy (lots of breaks & procrastination) at the same time,, i end up getting everything done on time though. i’m impatient when it comes to my own things so i like doing things my way bc i feel more comfortable that way. i also like keeping things neat. i’ve also been told i have a resting sad face & that i’m intimidating. i wear a lot of black and i’d describe my style as dark academia mixed with 70s-90s fashion. when i’m at home i just wear comfortable clothing like pajama pants and a t-shirt.

my likes/hobbies/interests are baking, playing the sims, writing, and playing board games with ppl i’m close to. i also like relaxing in bed and spending time with people i’m close to and having fun. i’m interested in psychology, true crime, & history. i don’t like arrogant & closed minded people. i look for a partner who is loyal, kind, & open-minded. my love languages are gifts and quality time (both ways).

i hope this isn’t too much,, ty again! <3

Hey friend, it's my pleasure! Thanks sm for offering 💖

Can I just say super quick that your quirk is really cool? You could command an army of bears, raccoons or fire ants. I would be terrified. Also I'm an Aquarius moon and INTJ too, air moons gotta stay together. I totally got a Libra vibe off you when you first messaged me and you're super sweet 🎀 also I totally get you on the anxiety part, I have anxiety too. I know how terrifying it can be to reach out to new people so please know I'm proud of you for taking the chance to reach out to me 😊 and it's never too much; the more detail the better!

I match you with Shoto!

Say hi to the walking AC and heater unit. A couple reasons I picked him is because you mentioned having anxiety and being hot headed. With his father being, well, himself and his mother being the anxious person she is, Shoto understands both sides of the coin very well and knows how to deal with both parts. He can balance being calm and stern at the same time and he has the patience of a saint. He would give you the time and space you need to grow comfortable around new people and surroundings, as well he would be able to keep you grounded when your temper gets the best of you. He mellows you out. My personal headcanon is that he's a Capricorn sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising, Ravenclaw and INFP.

He returns your jokes with dry humor. He can keep a dead serious face while making the stupidest jokes too. He could look you dead in the eye, face straight, and rip a monster fart and not giggle just to see your reaction. Honestly the image of him holding eye contact while aggressively farting is funny in my head. I know I have the humor of a 9 year old.

He isn't bothered by you not having many friends. He's a private person and doesn't want a lot of people up in his business. He prefers few close friends over many distant friends. He knows you aren't stupid and pays no attention to anything you say that may sound dumb. He's heard so much dumb shit he learned to filter it from his brain.

He understands that you're closed off on your emotions. He really can't blame you, he's quite the same. If you get a little teary eyed over a book or movie he'll let you talk it out and cry if you'd like, but he won't push you to be uncomfortably open to him. He values your happiness over his own and doesn't mind you keeping your feelings to yourself. He respects your privacy. Regardless of what you may feel conscious or critical of about yourself he's there to remind you that you're perfect. You're healthy, you're strong and you're doing the best you can. No one could ask any more from you. He's lived a majority of his life feeling outcasted and ignored because of his scar and wouldn't wish the same on anyone, so if there's any part of you that you feel bad about he's always reminding you that you have no imperfections, everything about you makes you one of a kind. You're irreplicable.

He isn't worried about you procrastinating on studying or homework. As long as you get it done and do well enough he isn't concerned. If you ever have difficulty with a subject he's happy to help you study and learn. If you want he can ask Momo to join for a study party if you want the extra help or company. He just wants to see you succeed and get into the college of your cotton candy dreams. Oh and don't worry about your tuition, he has it covered. Don't even mention it to him it'll already be paid off, including books and living arrangements. He only wants you to pay him back by doing your best in school and showing him you can handle the hard work.

He always has a suggestion on ways you can do things but he knows you prefer to do them by yourself, so he'll neber bombard you with his ideas. If you ask for his input he has plenty to give but otherwise he gives you the room to make your own moves. He's a neat freak himself and is always happy to help you keep your room clean and well put together. He has good room decor ideas too if you want to spruce up your room.

He really doesn't see you as intimidating. He sees a confident, independent and strong young woman who can hold her own. He occasionally wonders if you're really sad or if that's just your expression and he'll occasionally ask. He's only making sure you're okay. If you're sad he's on it with a cute or funny movie, some snacks, a shoulder to cry on and a whole night's worth of stuff to talk about.

He likes your sense of fashion, he enjoys darker and warmer colors. He lives for the 80s aesthetic and loves to see you mix the two so effortlessly. He can, wants to and will give you his t shirts to wear at home. He'll also loan you hoodies and sweaters. He won't outright buy you a hoodie, he'll buy one for himself and let you get away with stealing it from him.

He's so soft for home made cookies and would love for you to make him some. Home made dinners are also great. He would love to help you bake and would enjoy baking dates. He'll also watch shows like Hell's Kitchen with you. He isn't exactly a huge gamer but he likes simulation games and RPGs like Sims, Animal Crossing, Pokemon, Harvest Moon etc. He'll binge these games with you all day and night. Your Sims have to get married to each other it's the law. He enjoys reading what you write - what you don't mind sharing of course. He won't go peeking in your personal writing, he knows it isn't his place. Concerning what you do share he'll read it with great interest and share his thoughts and any ideas he has. He would really enjoy writing something with you, like a short story or a comic. He loves how you convey your writing and would be honored to take part in it. His favorite board game is Candy Land, a close second being Monopoly, followed by Scrabble. He pulls out a big ass dictionary during Scrabble just to prove to people that he knows his vocabulary. He loves you dearly but all bets are off during Monopoly, it's a dog eat dog world and he isn't bailing you out of jail. He will, however, offer you real money in turn for properties in the game. No that isn't cheating the rules say nothing about it. He has no problem with a lazy day in bed though and wouldn't mind just dozing or watching shows together. Any time spent with you is time spent well. You two could watch paint dry together and he would have a blast. He'll buy the paint.

With his personal involvment in hero work he has lots of info on true crime cases and can share stories and books with you. He has everything from small robberies to Ted Bundy and beyond. If you have a question about a true crime case he has an answer. As for psychology I imagine he would study it himself, perhaps as a secondary career or freelance hobby. He'll examine characters from books and movies with you and run his own behavioral analysis unit from his bedroom. The FBI doesn't hold a candle to him. He can, will and already has tracked down your enemies and he has their addresses. With his father being the new number one hero he essentially has the force of the law in his hands and if need be, he will use it. He won't do anything unjust unless your safety is in jeopardy but he won't hesitate to bring someone down. As for history he has plenty of books ranging from founding of countries to wars, to major technological advancements to the invention of toilet paper. He knows some very niche history facts. If you need to impress a teacher with knowledge on history he has you covered. He'll make the teacher quit their job in shame.

Shoto is absolutely loyal to the end, open minded and kind to a fault. He understands how it's like to be ignored, misunderstood and bullied and he won't treat anyone else that way. Regardless of his opinion on someone he still gives them respect and kindness. He doesn't care how rude or petty someone acts, they're still a human and deserve to be treated as such.

He goes out of his way to buy you special gifts, he values personal meaning over monetary value. Between a basic cheap necklace and an expensive bracelet of your favorite gemstone and color, you bet he's going for the bracelet. The cost isn't important to him, he just wants to see your face light up when you open the gift. As for gifts from you he doesn't care about how much you spent, he just wants something from the heart. You could give him an origami swan that cost you nothing to make and he would treasure it like a rare antique. As for quality time, he always enjoys a good movie, board game, cuddle session or just a nap. Like I mentioned before, any time spent together is time spent well.

I hope you enjoyed this friend!! 🥀 I'll be sending my part your way soon, thanks again for the offer! I had a lot of fun with this one 😘

NaNoWriMo: Wrap Up!

I can’t believe another November has come and gone. I can’t believe something that I started doing in 8th grade just for fun has become such a big part of my life that, nine years and 10 nanos later, I’m still already excited about next November. It was through NaNoWriMo that I finished my first ever first draft of a novel (it was when I was 13, and it was absolute trash, and I love it). I’ve met countless friends, collected countless WIPs, and really driven home how important writing as a medium is for me. 

Now that the sappy stuff is over, here’s some more fun stats and things:

End Word Count: 50,563!!

I did it! I hit the 50,000 mark yesterday, and then finished up the chapter I was on this evening. I knew going in that this month was going to be particularly hard on me - moving all my stuff home, exams, big research paper, all on top of trying to write part of a novel. And I was really nervous about how I was going to manage to keep up.

Somehow, I actually was more consistent this year than I’ve ever achieved before? 2020 was the first time that I ever managed to write every single day of November (even if one of those days was only 5 words and doesn’t even show up on the site’s little daily chart). And honestly I might be more proud of that than I am of actually hitting the big 50K. 

It helped that my project was really fun this year. I haven’t always loved every moment that I’ve been working on Beneath Alder Creek - the usual bouts of loathing anything I put down on the page showed up as normal - but even when the quality itself was in question, the actual story never stopped being something I wanted to write. 

I can’t possibly go through the whole thing and pick out all my favorite pieces right now (sometimes, prioritizing nano means falling behind on hw lmao), but here are a couple more recent snippets.

Excerpt 1:

The throne room was far smaller than Winnie had expected, especially coming from the front hall. It was strikingly similar in size and setup to a chapel, with rows of pews all facing a central pulpit. Only, rather than a lectern for a preacher, a platform was raised to draw focus to a large, golden throne. The throne itself was intricately beautiful, but Winnie hardly noticed it, too concentrated on the figure sitting upon it. Queen Ceridwen, Enid had called her. She was at once both divine and grotesque, white skin with dark veins that stitched themselves into a tangle of smaller lines, like the splitting of branches as they extended from the trunk. Her eyes and lips were black, or near enough to create a stark contrast, and matching, sleek horns stretched out from where her hairline ought have been. A golden crown jutted down to the tops of her cheekbones and tucked back behind her ear, extending up in spikes that shot out like a sunrise, each one longer than Winnie’s hand. Perhaps even more chilling than her appearance were her eyes. There was a fathomlessness to the darkness, the depth of shadows that brought with them the fear of the unknown. Though the Queen’s expression remained passive and detached, as Winnie stared at her, she had the feeling that the matriarch was not actually with them but making her observations from somewhere within those cavernous eyes. “Speak.”

Excerpt 2:

The music was still playing, but its calm, ambling tempo had quickened with Winnie’s heart rate, and its soothing, entrancing melody broke into a high, panicked frenzy, piercing through the forest. Birds that had been resting on branches took flight. The fish dashed through the water, twisting and thrashing. A line of ants at Winnie’s feet broke formation as they hurried away from the lake. But for all their terror, Winnie was drawn in all the more. One step. Her foot was beneath the water, but she no longer felt the cold. Two steps. The hem of her dress was wet, quickly taking on more weight. Winnie felt none of it. Three steps. Winnie was halfway up her calf in the lake, and the ground beneath her feet was steadily sloping down. Four steps. A sudden plunge up over her knee. The splash could not be heard over the urgent pipe. Five steps. Suddenly up to her waist. Winnie struggled to keep her balance, raising her arms to hold them above the surface. Six steps. It was more of a slide than a step, as Winnie hit the end of the decline. Only by lifting her chin could she keep her face out of the water. She had made progress, nearly halfway to the island. Seven steps, and a sudden tug at the back of her dress. Winnie was dragged backwards out of the lake, choking against her collar.

Excerpt 3:

Winnie paced silently between two large trees, hands clasped tightly behind her back. She had been doing so for several minutes, ever since discovering Taliesin’s abduction, and though Enid had begun by patiently watching, her claw-like nails drummed against her sleeve as she waited for the human girl to say something. Just as Enid took in a deep breath, preparing to interrupt Winnie’s clouded thoughts, the young woman stopped, turned to her companion, and asked, “Did you see which way they went?” “What are you planning to do, track them?” Enid asked teasingly, but her smile faltered at the solemnity in Winnie’s eyes. “You can’t be serious. You’d have no chance against a scout, they’re meant to move without a trace.” Winnie’s earnest gaze deflated into disappointment. As she stared down at the ground, past Enid, her eye caught Taliesin’s pack, still lying where he’d left it. A rush of hope filled her with renewed optimism. “Perhaps Taliesin left some kind of trail for us to follow! Something small, like breadcrumbs. That’s always how they mark their path in fairytales.” Enid leaned against a tree, examining her nails with disinterest. “Of course he doesn’t expect us to follow him. What reason do you have for helping him out, anyway?” The callousness in her voice was unexpectedly brutal. Winnie knew that Enid and Taliesin did not seem to get along, and likely that what little tolerance for each other they displayed was purely out of respect for the deal that had been made. But to show no care for his capture was a level of apathy that Winnie hadn’t expected. “I still have a deal that needs to be fulfilled.” It was true, and better, something that Winnie knew Enid might understand. The woman’s expression remained cold. “As I see it, you can cut him out of the deal. Our aims both lead us to the Dusk Court. You find your brother, I get help dethroning an advisor, and we go our separate ways.”

Excerpt 4:

Back into the bog. Winnie no longer worried herself with her skirts, allowing them to drag through the stagnant water. It was a mistake, she soon discovered, as the drenched fabric weighed her down and made the progress even slower. With an exasperated groan, she stomped at the ground, kicking up a spray and lodging her boot into the mud. Taliesin appeared at her side, having turned back while she was distracted. “Having trouble?” “Just tell me how much farther we have to go before we reach these all-knowing Three,” Winnie said darkly, glaring at him from beneath strands of hair that had come loose from the lopsided bun she’d attempted. “I think I have a better idea,” Taliesin offered. He reached out his hand, and Winnie let hers drop into it, clutching at her skirt with the other. Taliesin’s eyes closed, and Winnie felt the boot free itself from the mud. She breathed a sigh of gratitude, but quickly realized that her foot had not stopped there. She was no longer eye-level with Taliesin, but looking down at him slightly. The droplets from her skirt and shoes hitting the water below revealed that it was not the golden man who had sunk, but she was levitating a few centimeters over the ground!

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Survey #357

“your magic white rabbit has left its writing on the wall  /  we follow like alice, and just keep diving down the hole”

Are you better at telling stories or writing them? Writing, by a long shot. What’s one song you hate, but know every word to? i'm a barbie girl in a fckn barbie woooooorld What’s your favorite magazine? I don’t read magazines. If you could be an animal for one day, which animal would you choose? Probably a house cat. Be indoors and safe, able to just nap... lol. But I'd want another cat as a friend, too! Do you prefer outdoor or indoor concerts/events? Indoors, by a mile. I get hot outside way too easily. Do you know if you were a planned child? I don't know. What’s your favorite gem? Dragon's breath opal. As an adult, do you want to live in an apartment or a house? I'd like to live in a house, especially with the pets I want. I doubt many apartment complexes would allow multiple reptiles and inverts. Do you like the stem or leafy part of the broccoli? It doesn't matter much to me, but I prefer the stem. The texture is more likeable to me. Do bats frighten you? No, I adore bats! Does Paris appeal to you? Yeah, it's a pretty place. Are you a KPOP fan? No, I've never really checked it out. How long was your longest relationship? Over three and a half years. First time you kissed the last person you kissed? We were outside roasting marshmallows one night. Do you have to really know someone to kiss them? Absolutely. I don't dish 'em out for nothing. Were you anyone’s first kiss? No. If you had to be named after one of the 50 states of America, what state would you WANT to be named after? I actually think "Nevada" would be kinda pretty as a name? Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, or practices of individuals or groups? I've wondered this for a long while, really. I lean towards it being a mix, maybe? But more towards universal, I think... with some exceptions. This answer is all over the place, I honestly don't know. Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when? No? I think the "why not" is obvious... You just don't. What do you think is one one of the most undervalued professions right now? Teachers, garbagemen, retail and food workers... There's a lot. Have you ever seen anyone have a heart attack? Thank Christ no. Have you personalized your answering machine/voicemail? No. Have you ever had Fiji brand water? I actually don't believe I have, though it's always looked appealing to me, haha. What’s your favorite horror movie? The Crazies and the first Silent Hill, as well as both Blair Witch Projects. What was the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? I'd rather not even think about things the bitch said to me. Are you biracial? No. When was the last time you got mad and broke something? I've never broken something when mad. What color dress did you wear to prom? My first was maroon, second one was black. Who is the cutest baby you know? My friend has a daughter named Scarlett who is absolutely gorgeous. Have you ever thrown a rock at a window? No, because I respect people's fucking property. Has anyone ever thrown a rock at your window? No. Does your hair react well to dye, or does it damage it? It likes to not take dye at all. >.> I have only had one instance where a friend dyed it red and it stuck for months and months, but we kept it in for a couple hours, I think. My normal hairdresser says it's because my hair is really healthy and I guess rejects it. What kind of pet do you wish you had? I ramble plenty about how I want tarantulas and more reptiles, haha. I also DESPERATELY want to rescue or foster an opossum. When was the last time you were diagnosed with something? Are you concerned about anything regarding your physical or mental health at the moment? I haven't been diagnosed with anything in quite some time, I believe, but as I'm going through the process of being approved for TMS therapy for my depression, my bipolar diagnosis is being questioned, which is... strange to me. It's been acknowledged by many a doctor that I have bipolar 2, but if insurance recognizes my primary diagnosis as bipolar, they won't cover TMS because it can massively excite the mania portion of bipolarity, and therefore I can't do it because we can't manually afford it. I'm willing to take the risk by far, as I've never had issues with mania, but I can't without insurance. I'm just waiting to hear back from them... What is one blanket judgment you tend to make about people (like, you judge all people who live at home, all people who drink, etc)? Does this judgment come from a particular personal experience? I really don't know. How do you react to other people yelling or slamming doors? Is this something you ever do too? I get very scared if it's a man. I don't like anyone doing it, and my anxiety will spike regardless, I'm just terrified of angry men. Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? No. Who has the power to break you? Jason still might. I don't know. Is anyone in your family blind? My sister is legally blind in one eye. Do you believe in evolution? Yeah. I do find the concept odd, that ALL LIFE originated from one thing, but I sure ain't got a better explanation, so. What job do you think people should be paid the most for? Surgeons, maybe? I dunno, that's a big question. Were you ever held back a year in school? Did you ever skip a grade? No. Have you ever been given a hickey? Have you given one? Yeah to both. What is your least favourite thing about your full name? I have the most basic white bitch middle name in the world, lol. Do you like the age you are? Eh, I don't mind it much, but I think it'd be better to be in my early 20s versus mid 20s. I'm just always so tired now. I can't believe I used to refuse to go to sleep before 10:30. What’s your favourite kind of poptart? The chocolate sundae one. If you had to eat one type (Chinese, etc.) of food which would it be? American bc I'm not very adventurous with food at all. When did your family immigrate to wherever you live now? *shrug* Are your fingers long, or short? Long. Mom's always said I have "piano fingers." Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who’s your buddy? Yeah, I love it, but don't play it nearly as much as I want because I don't exactly go anywhere, lol. My bud's Charmeleon, and I'm probably like five EXP from level 28. Do you ever sit indoors and wear sunglasses or a hat? I don't own either, so. Do you know how to read animals’ behavior? I honestly think I'm very good at it. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? Yes, but not as much as I used to. All I really play nowadays is World of Warcraft. The only working console I have is a PS2, and I haven't bought a new game in probably a couple years, but there are definitely ones I want to play, mainly on PS4. Just can't afford it right now. Have you ever viewed the moon through a telescope? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. There's no way I could, given my tremors. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? Books. When is the last time you ate donuts? It's been months, man. I've seriously been craving a glazed one, though. Krispy Kreme sounds amaaaaaziiiiiing. Has anyone ever called you sexy? Somehow. Do you like raisins? NO NO NO NO NO. Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to? More than once. Do you like ants? They're genuinely extremely fascinating animals, but they're seriously annoying nevertheless. Did you like the movie Antz? I loved it as a kid. What was your favorite ice cream flavor when you were little? Chocolate. Is it still your favorite? Eh, depends on the day. By the way, what is your name? Brittany. What time zone do you live in? EST. Do you like cats? I love cats. What’s the most creepy experience you’ve ever had? One night when my mom and sister were at the beach for a dance competition, I was having trouble sleeping, and it only got worse when my dog Teddy started freaking the fuck out, barking loudly and staring intently at the foot of the bed. I was so scared that I tried to force his head to lie down, but he fought against me. I was terrified, but got up out of the bed and went into the living room to call my mom at like 3 in the damn morning, and she had to have our neighbor come over to sleep in the house with me (I was in a different room that night). You can't convince me that there wasn't paranormal shit going on. I think the house was haunted honestly, for multiple reasons. What’s the most boring game to exist? Why do you dislike it so much? Hm, I dunno. What’s the coolest place that you've ever been to? What’d you do there? Disney World was very memorable as a kid. We just went around collecting signatures, going on rides, all that fun stuff. I'll never forget fireworks at the castle. If you’re interested in having a long-term relationship with someone, do you think that waiting a certain amount of time before you first have sex is a good idea? Or does it not matter? I think it's a good idea, personally, mostly for the sake of reducing the spread of STDs. Just because you think you'll be long-term, doesn't mean you will be. Besides that, isn't there a science that sex and feelings of love are connected? Like, sex is impossible without at least some underlying emotions? I might be entirely wrong, in which case forgive me for spreading misinformation, but if that's so and things don't go as planned, you've gotten emotionally invested in someone too early and wind up getting hurt. You do you, I just don't think it's smart. Have you ever discovered something big by looking through someone’s phone, Facebook, email, etc.? No. Have you kept anything from your past relationships? (Things they left at your house, gifts, notes, etc) Do you think that’s a big deal for future relationships or not? Yeah, like plushies and little stuff like that. When it's tiny things like I just mentioned, I really don't think it matters. I think some things might be questionable to keep, but at the same time, I don't think it's really wrong to keep memories of a happy time, if the thing still brings you joy and has been emotionally disconnected from the ex? Idk. Do you have any financial regrets? Either way, what’s an example of a GOOD financial decision you’ve made? Going to and dropping out of college three fucking times. I don't know about a good financial decision seeing as I'm not even in charge of my own finances, nor really have any to begin with. Are you a believer in “signs” from the Universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? No. Name some things that one or both of your parents are really good at or really interested in. Mom LOVES medical stuff, like watching surgeries and stuff like that. She is also absolutely incredible with children. Dad likes sports a lot, hockey and football especially. Think of a good friend of the opposite sex (currently or in the past). Have you ever had any sort of “more than a friend” or sexual thoughts about them? If not, can you explain why? Well, we dated briefly, so... It was awkward to, but I let myself imagine sexual situations a few times to help myself understand if I really did like-like him, or if he was truly just a brother to me. Turns out, he's a bro. If someone told you that you would never achieve something and you ended up doing it, would you have any interest in finding that person and showing them? I'ma be honest, yes. I wouldn't actively seek them out, but rather just hope they somehow find out or I run into them or something. What is the most jealousy-induced thing you’ve ever done? Apparently, be the girl Juan liked instead of this girl that literally threatened to deck me. Guess what? We're friends now lmaoooo.

Chapter 11: When The Morning Comes

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)

…in which Harry has a special surprise for his girl.

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Chapter 10: Only Us - Harry’s in Paris but his heart’s in Holmes Chapel.

Wattpad link

[ANNOUNCEMENT]: I have an exam on Friday, September 13 so I won’t be able to update next week (Saturday, September 14). The next chapter will be posted on Saturday, September 21. 

(I also created a Spotify playlist for this trilogy! Check it out!)

- Love, Allie.

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⌲ Facetime?

⌲ Bambi: Wait, I thought you were going out?

⌲ Nah. Plans canceled.

⌲ Bambi: Oh no :(

⌲ Are you still with the girls?

⌲ Want to see you.

⌲ Bambi: Nope, I got home an hour ago. Wait a sec.

Harry lied back on his bed, peering at the bright screen in the darkness while his heart was pounding like a drum. What should he say to her? How should he begin? He had mentally prepared a script on the ride back to the hotel, but now he'd forgotten every single word as all these negative thoughts were eating away at him.

He couldn't forgive Ruby for the fucked up thing that she'd done. But what about himself? Could he forgive himself? Y/N might have kept a secret from him, but he was the one that owed her an apology. It was sad to think about all the smiles she'd had to fake to convince him that everything was fine. The worst part was, he'd believed them all.

A muscle in his jaw twitched as FaceTime rang and he accepted the call, only to be greeted by a black screen.

"Turn on your camera, Bambi," he said, frowning.

"Shhh, I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" Harry was even more confused when he heard rustles in the background. "What are you up to, kid?"

Y/N finally removed her hands and stepped away from her laptop, giving Harry the full view of the dusty blue dress she was wearing.

"This is my bridesmaid dress. I want you to be the first one to see it on me."

"Jesus Christ..." Harry muttered, smiling so big that his cheeks hurt.

Words couldn't describe how gorgeous his girlfriend looked right now. The fancy floor-length dress should've contrasted her bare face and messy hair, but on the contrary, it intensified her beauty. He wished she could for once see herself through his eyes, maybe then she would love herself as much as he loved her.

Y/N looked straight into the webcam as she adjusted the spaghetti straps and stepped closer to show him the gorgeous lace details on the bodice.

"You're perfect," he sounded almost breathless. "Gosh, you're perfect."

His reaction got her blushing but she couldn't stop grinning now.

"Do I look like a princess?" she asked and gave him another twirl with both arms rounded above her head like a ballerina. Now as an adult, she was still obsessed with tulle dresses, and Harry thought it was absolutely endearing.

"You do, baby, you do. You're my little princess."

"My prince." She bobbed a curtsy to him like the exuberant little girl he'd grown up with. And he would kill to see her like this every day, for the rest of his life.

"You shouldn't be allowed to be at the wedding, you're gonna steal all the attention away from the brides."

She rolled her eyes at his cheeky remark and plumped herself into the spinning chair. The Ruby problem still hadn't slipped his mind, and he was still mad as hell, but this certainly wasn't the right time to talk about it. She was excited, and he didn't have the heart to take that away from her.

He beamed, showing his teeth. "Maybe I'll show up as a surprise guest and steal all the attention from you."

Y/N only snorted as she assumed he was kidding. For someone who owned a private jet and big houses in so many cities in the world, Harry wasn't as free as people might think. He had to be on set almost every day for the rest of his stay in Paris, so if he wanted to attend the wedding, he would have to duplicate himself.

But a wise man once said, 'there's no problem, only solutions.' This time, Harry might have found the perfect solution.

The next morning, as he got on set, everyone wondered if something had happened to him the night before. He was talking to everyone and cracking jokes, and Evangeline, the director, told him, "keep up with that attitude and today might be your lucky day."

He hoped she was right, but so far, his day had been pretty mediocre. Sure he'd had a few happy and memorable moments during scenes and in between. But overall, mediocre. It was the thoughts about what he would do after finishing work that kept him motivated.

Acting with Ruby might be the only challenge of today. It wouldn't have been so hard if earlier that morning she hadn't had flowers sent to his trailer with a note saying she was sorry. How could she simplify what had happened with a single bouquet? Their issues were way bigger than that and too much for him to handle, so just like those flowers from her, he tossed them in the bin. Out of sight, out of mind.

At around 5 PM, Harry left the film set. Instead of going back to his hotel, he asked the driver to take him to the airport where his private jet was waiting to take him back to London. By the time he got back to Holmes Chapel after a four-hour drive, it would've been almost midnight.

As his car moved over the country road, lights on full beam, he finally understood why Y/N enjoyed long night drives so much. This was his time to let his brain roam free. He felt like the only person in this world as cars drove past him without knowing who he was. The idea of being a nobody excited him. When the morning came, he would return to London and fly back to Paris, pretending that tonight had never happened. Because tonight, he wasn't Harry Styles the movie star, he was just a nobody from Cheshire going home to visit his girl.

Meanwhile, Y/N was home and wide awake. During her first two years of college, she had spent almost every night at a different party or a club, just trying to find meanings for her life by doing crazy meaningless things. But her mindset had changed after a year without him, and now she preferred spending time alone, and of course, with him.

It was nearly half-past eleven. she was sitting on the bed, with her laptop on her lap and Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac blasting through the Bluetooth speaker on the nightstand. She couldn't call Harry for he'd told her he would be out with his team, so she decided to reread his notes and maybe write something. She had expected it to be hard to be inspired after having taken such a long break from writing, but then she ended up sitting for hours in front of her laptop, typing away effortlessly.

When the first few pebbles hit her window, she was too caught up in her own fictional world to hear it. But that was only until the biggest one nearly broke through the glass and caught her attention. She bounced off the bed and dashed to the window to see what was happening.

"Harry?!" Her eyes were wide with shock. She had to lean outside a bit further to make sure the streetlight wasn't playing tricks on her vision. But then he called, "Bambi!" And she knew she wasn't insane. He was.

"What the hell?!"

"Juliet would never use that kind of language!" He chuckled.

"And you're not Romeo," she rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "Oh, wait, you know what? From this angle, you do look like young Leo in 'Romeo and Juliet'."

"Told ya!"

"Or maybe it's just the bad lighting."

Harry held up his middle finger as she tossed her head back and laughed.

"Just get down here before your dad wakes up and kills me!"

"Shit, you're right. One minute!" Giggling, she threw on a jacket over her PJ and snuck out of the house. The moment she burst through her front door, she leaped fast down the steps and straight into his strong arms.

There was the kind of hug that was brief and gentle; then there was the kind of hug that was suffocatingly affectionate, like this one, her favorite. She stood on her toes, arms draped around his neck as she inhaled the familiar scent from his shirt to make up for the last few days she hadn't got to feel him. As he leaned down, she stretched her neck for an open-mouthed kiss, clumsy yet impassioned. He nearly lifted her off the ground completely and squeezed the air out of her, but she didn't complain. She could stay like this, right here with him, until sunrise.

By midnight the darkness was almost absolute. The moon had shrunk to almost nothing and the tiny little stars scattering across the sky looked little specks of dust on a black velvet blanket. With the flashlight on their phones guiding the way, she snuck him into her backyard, and they climbed over the new fence to get into his yard. He went first and then held onto her hips to get her down.

"Have you done this before?" she asked when he turned on the outdoor lights on his back porch.

"Done what?" He arched an eyebrow in amusement.

"Sneak into someone's backyard."

"This is my backyard though."

"You don't live here anymore. It doesn't count."

"Okay, then no. Have you?" Harry wetted his lips, hands on her hips as he backed her up against one of the square columns supporting the porch. She stood with her hands behind her back and her back against the wood, her face lifted as she stared into his dark green eyes.

"Nope." She shook her head, letting him lean heavily against her and bury his face into her neck.

"Another first for us," he mumbled.

She sighed and pushed him away by his shoulders, their eyes meeting again. Her eyebrows furrowed as she told him, "you're crazy."

"Yeah," he said happily. "I’m crazy for you."

Y/N didn't say anything else. She didn't ask him why or how or when or what or any other questions relating to him showing up here. She knew he couldn't stay for long, so they shouldn't waste their time together on excessive inquiries.

"Come." He stepped back and grabbed her hand. "Wanna show you something."

Bemused, she followed him toward the fence separating their two houses. The porch lights illuminated almost two-thirds of his garden, giving them a good view of the whole lawn. Right exactly where their treehouse used to stand, was now a sapling planted in a patch of soil.

"Oh my God," she exclaimed and squatted down on the grass to observe the tiny tree as he did the same, and then she looked up, blinking her inquisitive dark eyes.

"How long has it been here?"

"Last night." He crossed both arms on top of his knees. "You said no expensive gifts, so...I bought you a tree."

"From Paris?!"

The way she screwed up her face had him chortle. "No, silly, from the shop near our school. Mum helped me plant it."

"It's so cute, baby!" She clutched her heart. "I love it so much!"

"Yeah? We can build a new treehouse on it once it's fully grown."

"But we will have been sooooo old by then."

"Then we'll build it for our children."

Harry was completely unaware of what he'd blurted out until he saw the look on her face. Her forehead creased as her lashes fluttered. Oh shit, what had he done? Why would he say that?! He had literally flown across the ocean and driven four hours back here to scare off his girlfriend with his spontaneous one-sided future plan for them. What if this freaked her out? What if she hated him? What if—

"Was that a proposal?"

"Huh?"

"Did you just indirectly propose?" she softly rephrased the question, smirking as a blush crept up his face. "I think our children will love it."

"Did you just indirectly said yes?" He released a throaty laugh.

"Maybe," she said at last, her cheekbones lifted high.

That one-word answer filled him with elation as he started grinning like a Cheshire Cat and plopped down on the grass, crossing his legs. Y/N subconsciously mirrored his posture.

"I used to dream of marrying you under that tree, right here in your backyard," she admitted, even in this light, he could still see her cheeks turning pink. Maybe that was why she couldn't look him in the eye as she spoke and had to distract herself by fidgeting with a wild flower. She went on, "I remember having this long discussion with Celine about our dream weddings during one of our sleepovers in fifth grade. We both agreed to marry the love of our lives right where we first met them, and now, ten years later, her dream is finally coming true."

"What about you?" His tone was low and cautious as he hesitated, "do you...do you still want a wedding in my backyard?" It was just him indirectly asking her if she considered him as the love of her life.

"I indirectly said yes, didn't I?"

Harry's heart leaped with joy when he heard the answer. He got up on his knees, pinned her down on the grass, and kissed her mouth desirously. They didn't mind getting their clothes dirty as they were sprawling across his yard, kissing and caressing one another. The night was young and so were they. Right now it was just them and the infinite sky above. They felt so small, but at the same time, like they could conquer the world. Was this the kind of love people would write songs and books about? The kind of love that made you feel powerful and capable of anything? Harry hoped she felt the same way because now there was fire was burning underneath his skin, but it was the type of burn that left him yearning for more. He didn't want to say goodbye, even just for another week. Could he just wrap her up in a blanket and take her with him wherever he went? He couldn't prevent that selfish thought, but he kept it to himself. She would yell at him if he suggested that she let him fly her to Paris, since she didn't even let him spoil her with expensive souvenirs.

"Do you like the gift?" he asked, and she brightened.

"I love it as much as I love you."

"Wow, that's a lot."

As he pretended to be shocked, she giggled and said, "I know."

He placed a few more pecks down her neck before rolling onto his back, holding her hand. Both turned to look at each other at the same time and dissolved into laughter at the cute little coincidence.

The next question slipped out of his mouth before he could reconsider asking. "If you're unhappy, you'll tell me, right?"

"Why would I be unhappy?" She pondered and turned to the side as he did the same, facing her.

"I don't mean right now. Everyone has those days, especially you," he said and booped her nose. "But you'll tell me, right?"

"Of course."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise."

He sighed in relief when she hooked her pinky to his.

Anyone would've called him mad for putting his faith in a pinky promise, but in their world, a promise, big or small, should always remain unbreakable. So he trusted his Bambi to keep her word.

"We need to get used to each other's absence," she changed the subject after a moment, glowering at him. "It's easy to travel back and forth between Paris and London, but what will happen when you go on press tours?"

"We'll figure out a way. Don't you worry."

"I don't want to trouble you."

"You could never trouble me, kid. I don't mind traveling halfway across the world to see your face."

He ran his thumb across her pouty lip, wanting to ask her what was wrong, but she went first, "are you scared of it?"

"Of what?"

"Absence."

"Well, yeah, I am," he exhaled. "All the time." It was hard to admit it, but it did feel much better to get it off his chest.

"You know," she trailed off and bit her lip as her face relaxed. "There's a saying that 'absence is to love as wind is to fire: it extinguishes the little flame, it fans the big.'"

"Are we the big flame or the little flame?"

"We could burn this whole town down," she said, her big round eyes twinkled like stars.

Harry spread his arms and Y/N automatically shifted in to rest her head on his chest. The night air cooled their skin as soft breezes blew through their hair and clothes. His limbs gradually went numb and he was almost paralyzed from his neck down, but in a good and soothing way. He felt like he was floating and only felt like this when he was home.

"What did you get me the other day?" Her voice was clear and soft.

He looked down, beaming at her face. "Why don't you guess?"

"Shoes?"

"Christian Louboutin."

"Cheeky bastard," she snorted. "Have you returned them?"

"No, I keep them in case you change your mind. They're in my car actually."

When she narrowed her eyes, he expected a grumble, but then she gave him a shrug and said, "fine, I'll wear them to the wedding."

"That's my girl!" He pulled her right in by the arm and showered her face with kisses until she pushed him away, breathless from laughing so much. Y/N flipped onto her stomach, resting her cheek on her knuckles as she smiled down at him and he stroked her face tenderly.

"Don't forget to tell the wedding guests your rich boyfriend got you those shoes," he said.

"Oh, you mean my sugar daddy?" The corner of her eyes crinkled. "How about I tell them I met this eighty-year-old man and became his sex slave so he could pay my rent?"

"Sounds like a cool guy. What's his name?"

"Howard Stein."

"Oh God." He tossed his head back and cackled. "Imagine saying that name during sex."

"Oh, fuck me harder, Howard!" she moaned loudly, and they dissolved into laughter.

Only an hour ago it was pitch dark, but now the mist was visible, luminous. Harry knew it was time for him to go. They climbed over the fence and headed back to his car parked on her driveway. They kissed goodbye and held each other for a bit longer to make up for the lost time. He didn't forget to give her the nude Christian Louboutin pumps he'd bought in Paris. She could say she hated them but the glow in her eyes gave herself away. He was more than satisfied with that reaction.

With one last goodbye and a kiss on the cheek, he got in his car and drove away. As exciting as the journey last night had been, the one from his hometown back to London was almost depressing. The sky was cloudy and grey, probably sympathizing with what he was feeling right now. Tall buildings emerged from the mist as the city became closer. It didn't take too long for him to arrive at the airport.

Paris welcomed him back with sunlight and a clear sky, but also a crowd of fans and paparazzi waiting outside his hotel. He stopped to give a few photographs and took some photos with fans, trying his best to ignore rude questions shouted at him, such as "where did you spend the night?" and "were you with your new girlfriend?" and even worse, "did you stay with Ruby last night?"

He turned a deaf ear to them all and said goodbye to the ones who actually loved him. It was almost noon when he got to his room and shrugged off his jacket. He collapsed on the bed, arms and legs spread, thoroughly whacked out, but he couldn't fall asleep without texting Bambi.

⌲ Just got back to the hotel.

⌲ Bambi: Get some rest. You have to be on set in the afternoon, right?

⌲ Right. Fuck me.

⌲ Bambi: Later.

⌲ Gosh, you're dirty.

⌲ That's my girl.

Harry's smile slipped when an Instagram notification popped up on the top of his screen. He quickly tapped on it to open Isaac's latest post, which was a beautiful photo of the silvery skyline at dawn, probably taken that same morning. The caption said "Holmes Chapel", and both Y/N and Celine had liked the photo.

My Avengers Academy Chapter 2: And Along Came a Spider

“This. Is. So. Cool!” Peter couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The lobby of Avengers Tower looked like something out of Star Wars, but it still had that Stark Industries feel to it. Holographic images of Tony Stark played welcoming whoever walked through the door. The floor was gold stained marble, and Peter could see his own reflection. They probably deep wash this floor every night! He saw multiple strangers littered across the entire room: business people, the media, some students, and even some pro heroes.

“Oh my God, Ant Man is literally twenty yards away from me,” Peter mumbled, absolutely star struck.

“Jeez dude, you ‘aight? You seem really uh…” Pietro trailed off. 

“Eager, to say the least,” Wanda cut off Pietro. She planted her hand on Peter's shoulder and almost flinched; he was shaking and quivering. To be fair, that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, considering how excited he must be. He was excited. Wanda would describe Peter as a young child being brought to his favorite toy store. She knew how important this was to him;it was important to her as well. She wanted to be a hero who could magically whisk away people’s problems. If Wanda couldn’t do that, then she wanted to help as much as she could. 

“I know how excited you are, but keep it down a level or two. We can talk about all this...” Wanda’s gaze scanned the giant room, “...really,'' her journey stopped when she saw golden statues of Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, The Hulk, the first Ant Man, andThe Wasp respectively. They weren’t massive, which allowed for them to be placed near the enterence to the staff and student only elevator. “...cool,” her gaze wandered over to see a rather attractive man in a blue uniform with a red flowing cape. “Oh my God, it’s Doctor Strange.”

“Oh my God, he’s right there.” Peter pulled out his hero notebook.

“Oh my God, he really is.” Pietro’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“Oh my God, shut up,” a fourth voice spoke up.

The trio turned their heads to see Flash. His face was plastered with a smug grin. Pietro stood forward, pushing Peter and Wanda behind him.

“Oh please, Eugene. You wanna get into Avengers Academy too,” Pietro spat back, “You gotta be a little excited, right? Or is that impossible for someone with a cold dead heart?”

“Tch.” Flash put his hands in his pockets and walked past Peter and Wanda. Pietro mimicked his movements, effectively acting as a wall between the two and Flash. Flash looked at Peter, “How’s the hand, wall-crawler?”

Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His eyes opened back up and he pointed to Flash’s arm. “J-just fine. How’s that bruise on your arm?”

Flash’s eyes widened and lifted his left arm to inspect it. What he found was right under his short sleeve; a dark red bruise. He put his arm down and glared at Peter with a ferocious intensity. “You should get better material, Parker,” he growled, “Whatchya lookin’ at me so much, huh? Peekin’ out from the cracked closet door?”

“Enough.” The four turned once again to see their chaperone towering over them. “If you four aren’t on your best behavior, believe me, I will personally see that each one of you is punished. Got that?”

“Yes, sir…” all four replied.

Peter watched as the chaperone walked away. Yeah, just ignore the casual bullying, nothing to see here. Peter groaned in annoyance.

Flash sighed and started his walk towards the main group, bumping his shoulder with Pietro as he did. “I’ll catch you later, Wall-Crawler.”

Peter felt so helpless when he called him that. It just reminded him of that day.

“Jeez Peter, you’re so weak!” a young Flash Thompson said while on top of a wall.

Peter glanced towards the ground in embarrassment. He has been trying to climb the wall for the past ten minutes, but he kept falling. “I can’t do it, Eugene! I-it’s too, um… slippery!”

Flash rolled his eyes. “Stop making excuses, Peter! Come on!”

Peter’s mind raced as he looked upon the wall again. It towered over him, making him feel so small. He couldn’t do this there’s nothing to grab on to. “F-Flash, I’m just gonna go around.”

“Ugh Peter, don’t be such a sissy.”

“That’s not a nice word,” Peter muttered.

“Come on! Just do it!”

Peter winced at Flash’s command. Why couldn’t Flash just let him go around? Peter couldn’t climb it; it’s too steep and slippery. He’ll just fall again. He didn’t want to make Flash mad, but no matter what, Peter just couldn’t climb it. 

“Hey! What are you doing you wimp?!”

Peter snapped back into reality and noticed that Flash was gone. W...where did he go? he thought. 

A scream deafened Peter’s ears. “Flash?!” Peter called out for his friend.

“Stop! Stop please!” the screaming continued, “Daddy! Help me!” the screaming was coming from the other side of the wall. 

Peter didn’t think when he heard those screams. He vaulted himself onto the wall and started to climb. Digging his fingers into the cracks, pushing up off the ledges under his feet, reaching for the deformities to climb up. “Flash, I’m on my way!” He got to the top and then looked down behind him. He… he did it! He climbed the wall. “I… I did it.” 

“Hey, Peter-“

“-are you okay?” Wanda’s voice suddenly entered the picture, and Peter jolted out of his dreamlike state. No longer was he at a park in the year 2021. Instead,he was back in Avengers Tower in the year 2030. 

He turned his head to look at her and nodded. “Yeah… yeah, I’m okay,” Peter gave a big smile, “Let’s go and enjoy this!”

Wanda flashed a smile back at Peter. “This is gonna be great!”

The tour of the facility was structured into three sections, and each section had been allotted an hour. The first section of the tour was dedicated to the general history of the Avengers, its founders, and the history of heroism. 

“Our tour guide is Hawkeye?!” Peter gushed excitedly to Pietro, who returned his excitement.

“I know! Dude, do you think he really has a quirk?” Pietro asked inquisitively.

Peter closed his eyes and put his hand under his chin. He then went into deep thought. “I actually never considered that. If he doesn’t then it would definitely be a scandal in the superhero society. However, he claims that he never misses, and his quirk is called ‘Dead-Aim’ when he was being interviewed by the Daily Bugle top journalist Eddie Brock he has never released his blood examples to the public. It’s not like he’s contractually or legally obligated to. The Super-Human Registration Act never forces you to make anything about yourself public, and even then it’s highly unlikely-“

“Hey, kid! Yeah, you! The one next to the white-haired boy an’ the brunette, would ya mind shuttin’ ya trap? I’m tryin’ to give a tour here!”

A jolt of surprise ravaged Peter’s body as he was interrupted by the very subject of his mumbling. His gaze was met with the intense gaze of Hawkeye himself, who had conveyed annoyance from his posture. “I-I-I,“ Peter stammered as his body stiffened, and his face turned a shade of crimson red. 

“Yeah yeah, that’s what I thought, just keep your mouth closed alright?”

“Y-yes, sir…” Peter said with his face hung in embarrassment. He averted his gaze to the right and noticed Wanda gritting her teeth.

“Asshole,” Poison dripped from her tongue as she said this.

Peter let out a small chuckle and pulled out his hero notebook. He opened it to Hawkeye’s page, and added, ‘Rude,’ under his personality profile. Definitely not asking him my question… 

“Tch,” Peter looked up from his notebook to see Flash looking directly at him. He then shook his head, putting his attention to the tour.

The second section of the tour was a showcase of the academy. The group was stuffed into a large elevator and was lifted up to floor 63. From there, the tour continued to the vast array of classrooms. Peter was astonished from the sight. It was the end of lunch for the students, and they were all headed back to their classrooms. “So many students, and they’re all gonna be heroes…” Peter murmured.

“They’re all so well dressed…” Pietro added, “Ugh, do I have to put the effort into how I look when I go here?”

“The day when you put effort into your appearance is the day when hell freezes over, Pietro,” Wanda jabbed, “Maybe if you do, you’ll actually get a girlfriend.”

Peter tried so hard to keep in his laughter, but his body betrayed him. Pietro then shot Peter a dirty look that screamed, “Are you for real?” Pietro was wearing the bare minimum in terms of fashion. He bore a logoed t-shirt with bright blue jeans and basic white gym shoes. Compared to Wanda’s more fashionable choice of a black undershirt, a red jacket, ripped dark jeans, dark gym shoes, and a red bandana wrapped around her head in a nice bow, Pietro’s fashion was basic and uninspired.

“Nah, I don’t have to put effort into my appearance,” Pietro scoffed, “I’m already perfect as is. The girls are gonna run at me.”

Wanda rolled her eyes at Pietro’s egotist statement. “How am I even related to you?”

“Wanna have a detailed explanation?”

“I’d rather not.”

“Guys, Beast is in the class next to us,” Peter whispered, peeking into a classroom.

Pietro and Wanda dropped their sibling banter and joined Peter. There they saw Dr. Hank McCoy, also known as Beast. He had a heteromorphic quirk, which meant that he looked different from “regular” humans. 

“He’s huge,” Peter gasped. He stood at 6’8,” and was covered head to toe in blue fur. He had fangs, sharpened claws, and had muscles that were reminiscent of an ape. Peter pulled out his hero notebook once more, and wrote down what he was observing.

“Jeez, he’s intimidating,” Pietro blurted quietly.

“Y-yeah for real,” Wanda stammered.

Peter was writing in his notebook with a fervor that was never experienced by man before. He wrote down every detail he saw: how he was reading a book as he was hanging upside down from the ceiling, how even though he looked like a monster he still had to wear glasses to read, how he was now right in front of him? Wait, what?

Peter’s soul nearly jumped right out of his body as he came to the discovery that the Pro Hero Beast was now standing right in front of him. He looked to Wanda and Pietro, who were shaking in their soles.

Beast opened the door that separated him from the trio. “Hello! How may I help you, children?”

He’s so polite! Peter, Pietro, and Wanda had the same reaction.

Beast took a deep look at the three children that were in front of him, they all had a mixed look of terror, anxiety, curiosity, and amazement plastered onto their faces. He noticed their lack of uniform and came to the only rational conclusion.

“Ah, you must be on tour!” He clapped his hands together and laughed. “I know how overwhelming this school can be at times, with all the pro heroes and promising students treading around.” He kneeled down to be at Peter’s eye level. “But you should know that at the end of the day, we’re all human. We’re just like you, and that’s why we’ve become heroes in the first place.”

As Beast was giving his small lecture, Peter wrote every word he heard, all while maintaining eye contact with him. Beast took note of this. “Ah, a fine learner, I presume?” 

Peter stopped writing and tried to stammer out an answer. “I… I… I…”

Beast gave a hearty laugh. “Oh don’t be embarrassed, my boy! Be proud of your sense of curiosity and love for learning.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him for years!” Wanda chimed in gleefully.

“Oh, and you have support as well, young man! By just looking at you three I can tell that you are all extremely close.” Beast took a hand each of the trio and put them together, the trio now in a position reminiscent of how sports teams break in their huddles. Peter’s face was cascaded in red as he took Wanda’s hand. “Cling on to this kinship that you all have, children. If you wish to graduate from this school and become a hero, having friends you can trust is the most important weapon to fight evil that you will ever have.”

Peter, to say the least, was starstruck. An esteemed hero, such as Beast, was giving him and his best friends life advice to become heroes! He didn’t ask if he was quirkless, and he didn’t assume anything negative. Peter had to ask him his question. Beast was the right person to ask.

“D-Dr. McCoy I-” Peter felt a hand squeeze his shoulder, which shocked him deeply.

“What did I say about being on your best behavior?”

Peter, Pietro, and Wanda turned around to see their chaperone, who wore a very annoyed look on his face. 

“Sorry, sir.” The trio hung their heads in shame.

The chaperone huffed. “I apologize for the annoyance, Doctor.”

Beast laughed once again. “Oh do not apologize, my good man. These children are just starstruck!” Beast smiled warmly. “It’s not every day that you get to see a pro hero so up close.”

The chaperone sighed. “Well, you’re not wrong.” He motioned to the trio to go back to the group. “We’re waiting on you three.”

Peter, Pietro, and Wanda said their goodbyes to Beast and headed off on their way. Peter excitedly opened up his notebook yet again and turned to Beast’s page. He wrote the word “kind” under his personality profile. 

“Jesus Christ.” Yet again, Peter perked up to see Flash looking at him yet again. Flash looked away, then, as if nothing happened.

Peter suddenly had a horrible thought. Was Flash going to do something to him on this field trip? There are so many people around, though. Was Flash growing bolder? Did he think he can get away with hurting Peter without anybody noticing? No, he’s not that stupid. There are too many people, plus Wanda and Pietro are here. Peter shook his head and walked with the tour guide to the last section on the itinerary.

The final section of the tour was a scientific demonstration by Dr. Bruce Banner and Tony Stark, also known as Hulk and Iron Man. The demonstration was held in the school’s auditorium, and it was the biggest room that the group had ever been in. They sat in three seats next to each other in the front row of the auditorium.

Wanda reached her hand towards the ceiling. “It’s so tall...”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious,” Pietro sneered, “Anything else painfully apparent that you wanna point out?”

Wanda shot a dirty look at him. “You’re an idiot who’ll run into a ditch on your first day of being a professional hero, and you’re going to fall into obscurity as I rise to the top.”

“Ouch.” Pietro dramatically clutched his chest. “These hot takes are giving me a strong case of ‘You’rejustjealousthatIhaveacoolerquirkthanyou-itis.’”

“Oh, I’ve heard of that! There’s a vaccine for it, it’s called a ‘reality check.’”

“I like Hex more than Super-Speed, I gotta admit,” Peter chuckled.

“No, not you too, man!” Pietro reached out to Peter. “Don’t tell me she brainwashed you!”

Peter showed Pietro Wanda’s page in the hero notebook and pointed to the ‘potential’” section. “I mean, Hex can probably make her fly and that’s automatically awesome.” Peter flipped the page to Pietro’s. “While your quirk is astonishing, and you’re only going to become stronger with more practice, I don’t see you flying. Sooo, yeah.”

Pietro’s face drooped with disappointment. “Yeah, thanks for the ego check, man.”

Peter smiled brightly. “You’re welcome!”

Wanda snickered.

“Oh my God,” Pietro sighed.

“Hey Pete, can I see my section?” Wanda held out her hand.

“Yeah!” Peter handed Wanda the notebook. “Here.”

Wanda flipped to her section of the notebook. She scanned the page and saw that the ‘Potential Hero Name was filled with different options. “Wow, there are a lot of names.”

Peter scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. “Yeah, like a week ago I sat at my desk and made all of these potential hero names for you. Some of them are cool, but the others… not so much.”

Wanda gave a small chuckle as she scanned the names. One name, in particular, caught her gaze. “The Scarlet Witch?”

“I actually really like that one!”

“Sounds like a villain’s name, to be honest.” Pietro chimed in.

“It sounds cool but…” Wanda pulled a pen out of her purse and added a new name. “How about this?”

Peter and Pietro leaned in to see the name “The Crimson Sorceress.”

“That’s just ‘The Scarlet Witch’ with different synonyms, sis.”

“Yeah, but it sounds more heroic.” Wanda acted like she was putting up a magic barrier between her and the boys. “More magical.” 

“I like it!” Peter exclaimed.

“Yeah, of course, you would.” Pietro sank into his chair. “Whipped,” he whispered. 

Suddenly, a stinging pain found its home on the backside of Pietro’s head as Wanda’s hand slapped it. “Ow! What the hell?!”

“I heard that, you dick.”

Peter tilted his head in confusion. “Heard what?”

“Don’t worry about it, Pete.” Wanda winked, but only for a moment.

The lights in the auditorium dimmed and brightened, signaling that the demonstration was going to begin. Peter put on his glasses and pulled out his camera. He wanted to take pictures of the event, and maybe get a better photo of Dr. Banner and Iron Man for his notebook.

Wanda turned to Peter. “Make sure the flash is off, okay?”

“Yeah, ya don’t wanna cause any difficulties, alright bud?”

“Don’t worry, I turned it off before we even got on the bus,” Peter confirmed.

The curtains rose, and there he stood: Dr. Banner, the Incredible Hulk. He stood even taller than Beast did. Peter’s estimate put him at least seven feet tall. Dr. Banner wore a suit that had to have been tailor-made for him, considering how buff he was. He wore heavy rimmed glasses, which Peter appreciated. Like Beast, he looked intimidating, but he emanated this feeling of kindness and sincerity. His appearance showed the strength of his character, as for many years, the Hulk was called a menace to the Earth. Dr. Banner has made many TV appearances to talk about his beginning years as the Hulk. How he fled to South America to escape the United States Military, how his childhood trauma fed into the alternate persona that the Hulk adopted, how dealing with anger management is important, and how living with a split personality disorder is just another facet of the crazy experience called Bruce Banner’s life. When he merged himself with the Hulk, he explained that he felt whole, but sometimes when pushed to the edge the other personality comes out. He went on to explain that the Hulk wasn’t a bad person, far from it. In reality,the Hulk was actually a really kind and gentle creature that just wanted to be left alone. In fact, The Hulkstill had conversations with him about the meaning of life, the ins and outs of heroism, and even what they were going to have for lunch that day. Ever since then, Dr. Banner has been a pioneer in not only the genetic and radiological sciences ,but also in mental health and the understanding of all kinds of disabilities. Whenever Dr. Banner had an interview, Peter made sure to either watch it live or record it; he loved hearing the man talk.

Peter heard the audience murmur about the missing hero who was supposed to be with Dr. Banner on stage: Iron Man. The most popular hero, not only in the USA, but in the entire world. The story of how Tony Stark, a weapons dealer and billionaire playboy philanthropist became the Invincible Iron Man. Everyone knew how it went: Tony Stark was a selfish CEO of Stark Enterprises, and only looked out for himself until he was captured by terrorists in 1998. The terrorists used missiles that were designed by Stark himself and were struck in the chest by shrapnel but were saved by a man who managed to create a magnetic field inside his body to keep the shrapnel from reaching his heart. He was forced to build a new type of weapon for the terrorists, but what he really did was build a suit of armor that augmented his quirk: Arc Reactor. He then became the Invincible Iron Man, and escaped the terrorists’ base  making it back home to the United States in one piece. He put a stop on all weapon construction, changed Stark Industries to become a humanitarian company, and registered as a hero. He became a cultural icon; everyone knew  of Iron Man and his heroism. He wasn’t Peter’s favorite hero, but he still held a place in Peter’s heart as a founding member of the Avengers, and a great hero all around. He hasn’t made a public appearance in a while, though, Peter thought.

Dr. Banner stepped up to the mic, tapped it just so slightly to see if it was on, and had to catch it because it almost tipped over. “Sorry, over thirty years of being in this body, and I still can’t gauge how strong I actually am.” The audience was filled with laughter. Dr. Banner waved his hands to signal the audience to calm themselves. “You might be wondering about the lack of an overinflated ego that’s trapped in a yellow and red suit of armor.” He took the microphone and started to walk across the stage so that he wouldn’t stay static during the presentation. “Unfortunately, about thirty minutes ago, Iron Man was called for duty, and it’s my off day.I’ll be damned if they call me in.” He played with the wire of the microphone. “I never get called into work, I mean,” he chuckled, “Would you want to be the one to tell The Hulk that he has to come in on his day off?”

The audience burst into laughter once again, which showcased how strong Dr. Banner was as an enter, Dr. Banner knew how to keep the audience entertained. Peter had a hard time getting a good shot due to his own chuckles. 

“I never knew he was such a personality on the stage,” Wanda whispered to Peter.

Peter turned to her and raised an eyebrow. “Wanda, we watched like five of his interviews two nights ago.”

Wanda’s face was struck with confusion. “We did?”

Something told Peter that Wanda wasn’t paying attention that day, and that made him a bit sad. He soon forgot about it though, considering how  the actual presentation began.

“Now, onto the real show.” Dr. Banner walked towards the podium that was on his left. “As we know, quirks are genetic in nature, but scientists haven’t figured out what they really are yet.” A projection of a DNA strand appeared behind him. “However, we do now know that the quirks have a very similar genetic make-up to that of gamma radiation.”

“Hey, is that true?” Pietro asked Peter in a whispered tone.

Peter leaned his into Pietro to speak directly into his ear. “Yeah, last year they found out that his irradiated genetics are comparable to quirks. He wasn’t born with a quirk, remember? It was the gamma bomb that did it.”

“So, to pursue the hypothesis that quirks were birthed from a gamma event, the Avengers Institute and Stark Enterprise partnered with Oscorp to explore this line of thinking.” 

A sudden thought rushed through Peter’s head, Oscorp? That’s Harry’s dad’s company… I haven’t texted him in a while. I should see what’s up with him when I get home.

“Just recently we made a gigantic scientific breakthrough, we found out how to create quirks.”

The audience erupted in disbelief. Soft mumblings filled the auditorium. Some were in disbelief, while others questioned the ethics of such a practice. 

“Nah, that’s impossible, man.” Peter turned his head to Pietro. “There’s no way that you can create a quirk just like that.ike, an actual quirk, not a superpower born from an explosion or from an experiment, but an actual quirk? I call BS.”

“Would you just shut up and watch?” Wanda spat.

“And, this, right here, is the fruit of our labor,” Dr. Banner declared as he pressed a small clicker in his hand. “Oh, it didn’t break it this time, thank god.” 

The stage floor opened up. Peter heard the machinery in the under-stage doing its work. Then, out of the blue, he saw a very odd-looking machine rise up. The machine had two parts to it: two pillars stood erect parallel to each other. Each pillar curved into each other, at the end of both points were bright red spheres. Various ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ were delivered from the audience.

“This, my eager audience, is ‘The Quirk Accelerator,’ and we are going to make a quirk, right here, right now.” Dr. Banner clicked the clicker once again and a thick sheet of glass separated the stage from the audience. “Man, I’m on a roll today,” he stated proudly. “Now, once I press this button again, we will create an entirely new quirk.” 

“Dude, you have to  get a shot of this,” Pietro demanded.

“Yeah, Pete! Ooo, this is gonna be cool!” Wanda exclaimed in a hushed voice.

Peter excitedly pulled up his camera, but not before double-checking to see if the flash was turned off. He put his eye up to the viewfinder, and pointed his shot towards the Quirk Accelerator. As he took multiple shots of the machine itself, he noticed something that wasn’t supposed to be there. It was small, but he saw it. A spider, that was lowering itself from the ceiling with a single strand of its web. Peter didn’t know why he focused on such a minuscule thing, but he took a picture of it anyway. Who knows, maybe it’ll get him an award or something. That’d be nice, he thought to himself.

“Strap yourself in folks, ‘cause this is gonna be one hell of a frickin’ light show!” Dr. Banner shouted with excitement.

With yet another click, the Quirk Accelerator hummed. All of the lights that illuminated the stage shut off, and the thick sheet of glass tinted itself to a rather dark degree. Dr. Banner’s description was very apt. In between the two pillars, extremely bright electricity flowed and clashed with the two red spheres. Muffled crackles of thunder were heard as the light got brighter and brighter. Peter, in desperation, shot a picture aimed right in the middle of the action. The sheet of glass got darker as the light emanating from the experiment got brighter. The light show got to its final performance as the light suddenly turned a bright green. The light soon disappeared, though.  stage lights were turned back on, and Dr. Banner stood there with a big smile. It faulted for a moment, before returning to a grin. “Now, the quirk will be collected. Since we don’t have any machine assistance here on the stage, I’ll have to collect it myself.” Dr. Banner took a small capsule out of his pocket and walked between the two pillars of the Quirk Accelerator. The audience immediately went into various chatter.

Pietro turned to Peter. “Hey, do you think if any of us go blind because of that, Tony Stark will pay us boatloads of money in settlements?”

“'No, we signed away our right to sue in the event of an injury. It's not like Stark would give you anything. It's better for all of us if you were blind.".” Wanda shook her head.

“It’s true.” Peter nodded.

“Aw, man, that can’t be legal can it?”

“It’s totally legal.”

“Ah, so…” Dr. Banner’s voice cut the audience’s murmuring down to silence. “Apparently, this is our first failed test.”

“Told you he was full of-” Pietro was then cut off by a swift kick to the shin, courtesy of Peter. “Ow!”

Dr. Banner walked back to the podium. “But this is to be expected with any realm of science, that is why we go back to see what went wrong here.” He clicked the clicker for the last time which resulted in the Quirk Accelerator being lowered back into the stage. “We do have various quirks in storage, but live testing hasn’t been authorized by the government yet.” He walked downstage to where the mic stood and put it back in place. “We’re getting closer to unlocking the mystery of quirks every day. Maybe one day we can even track what the very first quirk was, but for now all we can do is theorize and experiment. I apologize that this was a failure, but I’m very glad that I was able to show you our latest endeavors here at Avengers Tower.” Peter took a shot of Dr. Banner as he said this. “I hope to see some of you attend the school next yearand that I sparked a wealth of scientific curiosity within you. Thank you so much, and have a good day, everyone.”

The curtains cascaded down upon the stage, and with that, the demonstration came to end. The lights illuminated the auditorium and people got out of their seats and headed towards the exit. Some were bummed, and others were ecstatic to be in the same room as the Incredible Hulk.

Pietro snatched Peter’s camera right out of his hands. “Dude, did you get the shots?” 

Peter jumped in surprise when he realized that when he blinked, his camera was no longer there. “P-Pietro! Be careful with that!”

Pietro shot a genuine smile at Peter. Pietro was tossing the camera up and then catching it with the same hand without looking at it, showing off his dexterity. “Don’t worry, man! I’m the most careful person in the world.” 

Wanda crossed her arms. “You literally broke a plate at dinner last night.” 

“A one-time incident, won’t happen again.” Pietro tossed the camera up again and waited for it to come back down, but it never did. “Wait, what the hell?”

“Interesting camera you got there, Maximoff. I’m surprised you could afford something like this.” 

Pietro groaned as he recognized the voice, he turned around to see Flash going through the pictures on the camera. “That was a lazy insult you had there buddy. Let me guess, did the parasite come up with that one?”

“Funny,” Flash grunted. 

Peter stood in utter fear as Flash held his camera. The phrase, Why does he have it? Why does he have it? kept repeating in his mind. This was his biggest fear. 

“Here ya go, Parker.” Flash held out the camera in front of Peter. “Just wanted to make sure you didn’t have any weird pics of me.”

“O-okay.” Peter hesitantly reached out to grab the camera. “Thanks, Fla-“

A thud. A crack. The sound of plastic falling onto marble flooring. Glass shattered. Peter’s gaze peered downward to see his camera in pieces. 

A devious smile crawled onto Flash’s face. “Whoops.”

Peter was stunned. Did that actually just happen?

“Thompson!” Pietro grasped Flash’s shoulder and forcefully turned him around to face him. “What the fu-?!” 

A black tendril shot itself out of Flash’s body and hit Pietro square in the face. He backed up, holding his nose in pain. “Don’t touch me, you freak.”

“Pietro!” cried Wanda.

“That’s it!” Pietro pushed against his right nostril and exhaled from his nose, a clot of blood flew out of his left nostril. “I’ve been playing nice for Peter’s sake, but you just crossed the damned line, Thompson!”

“Pietro, stop this!” Wanda exclaimed with a desperate expression on her face. “Don’t fight him!”

Peter backed up against the wall of the stage. His legs quivered beneath him. A fight? Here?

“Nah, nah, sis!” Pietro rolled up his sleeves as he walked towards Flash. “This guy has been a pain in our asses for years, I’ve been wanting to put him in his place.”

Flash took his stride over to Pietro. The symbiote crawled itself onto his skin and up his neck. “Let’s do this, wuss. Show me you’re a real man and not some pathetic bitch.”

“Bring it on, douchebag.” Pietro leapt forward at Flash in less than a second. Fists flew, and the fight began.

“Pietro, no!” Wanda rushed towards the scene.

“Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God,” Peter muttered over and over. He curled himself into a ball. His breathing became fast and uneven. He felt light headed, too. A sensation of dread and anxiety swept up his body in a hurricane of fear. “Nononononononono.” Why did this always have to happen? Today was supposed to be a good day, for crying out loud. Why did Flash have to ruin it again? Pietro was just making it worse. He won’t be allowed back into Avengers Academy. Peter thought about his camera, and the thought alone forced him into a shaking fit. He was glued to the sight; his precious camera, it was in pieces. It used to belong to his mother. The name: Mary Fitzgerald, was written in sharpie on the side. Why did this always happen to him? Why did he bring bad luck wherever he goes? Why was he so useless? Why was he quirkless? Why am I just human? Why do I-

Peter felt a stinging pain on his right hand and slapped it. “Ow!” He looked down and his hand and saw a giant bite mark, and the corpse of the spider he just squashed. He sighed. “This day’s just getting better and better.” Perhaps the spider bite was a blessing in disguise, it broke him out of his panic attack. He sighed again and steadily began to stand back up. He started walking towards Wanda, but with every step he began to slow down. He felt as if there was a giant weight on his shoulders. His legs turned into jelly. He started to shake violently. “Wh-what’s happening to me?”

“-eter? A-e -o- oka-?” 

Is that Wanda’s voice?

“W-ah! B-o yo- goo-?”

Pietro?

“Y-! Wa-cr-ler! Th- -ck’s th- ma-er?!”

Flash?

His vision started to become blurry, and darkness crept in from the edges of his eyes. “Wanda, I… I don’t feel so good.” Peter lost all control, and immediately lost consciousness as he hit the ground. 

“Peter?!”

To be continued…

Dale Pon, R.I.P.

Pretty much the most famous media advertising campaign in history is “I Want My MTV!” –the May 2020 Google search returns 184,000 results, more than 30 years after the last flight ran– and it was the result of the brain of Dale Pon.*

* As I explain in detail in the pieces below, writer extraordinaire Nancy Podbielniak was the word spark for the campaign; it was George Lois who suggested ripping off “I Want My Maypo!” Dale Pon was the person who took these notions and turned them into brilliance.

Dale persuaded me and the powers that be at MTV that he could make it work, Dale who convinced MTV programmers to recording artists to participate for no fees. It was Dale who took the paltry budget allotted and strategized how to maximize the network’s cable distribution. And finally, it was Dale Pon’s dogged persistence and genius that caused cable operators across America to beg us to please stop running the campaign before all the telephone operators quit in frustration from all the people “demanding their MTV!!!” 

My great friend –and better mentor– Dale Pon, passed away from difficulties due to Parkinson’s and Covid19. There’s no way to convey all of the ways people expressed their sadness to me today, but one of them probably encapsulated things best by saying “Complicated but brilliant, creatively inspired, strategic like chess master , we were lucky to have been touched by his talents...” All too true. 

Dale could be –to say the least– a challenging personality. Determined to win, he could be a bulldozer crushing an ant. Warm at his core, he could be beyond generous will all he had at his disposal. Unlike many others with talent and raw intelligence, he was quick to share his remarkable thinking, lavish in his ability to elevate the talents of the shy and uncertain, and as bountiful with praises as he could be lacerating with his critical observations. He loved as deeply as he was able, and a constant explorer for the meanings of life. 

When it came to the work, there was no one better at understanding media, and getting fans interested in its rewards. I don’t know if it was his methodologies and personality, or the fact that media promotion wasn’t all that well respected in the ad biz, but Dale didn’t have too much of a profile in the advertising world. I think, ultimately, he was much more focused on the work than on the publicity. So, things being what they are, what I’ve collected seems to be the most comprehensive look at his career, at least the parts that I’ve directly touch. By no means is it comprehensive, I know nothing about his radio days in the early 70s, and little about his work after I joined the cartoon industry. But all of what I have is yours, below. 

I’ll lead with what a few of his colleagues and friends wrote a few years ago for Dale’s birthday. And then, below that, all the various campaign pieces (written from my perspective, of course) I’ve recalled over the years. 

.....

April 2016, on the occasion of Dale’s birthday.

Dale Pon, my mentor and friend. Fucking smart.

Dale Pon’s been on my mind lately, as he is almost every day, because of the ways he taught me to think about …. um,everything. I’ve written about some other important mentors before, but Dale’s influence was so staggering I could never figure out how to sketch it out in anything shorter than book length.  

“Dominate the space.” (He was referring to graphic design, but it might have served as a life philosophy).

“Of course, there’s an absolute truth.”

“You remember the first thing you see, but the last thing you hear.”

“The power of three.” (Broke that rule with this list.)

“Advertising is a frequency medium.”

“You make album tracks. I make hit songs.”

I’m not sure that he ever thought of himself as particularly quotable, but as you’ll see below, I wasn’t alone in internalizing. There were hundreds more bon mots, most of which he probably forgot as soon as he said them but stuff I’ve never been able to shake off, to this day.

His resume doesn’t do him justice, but quickly… For 40 years, Dale Pon was at the forefront of media programming and promotion for many of the major media companies, CBS, NBC, Viacom, Storer Broadcasting (where we met). He specialized in radio throughout his career, but when Bob Pittman moved into cable television, he prevailed there too (“I Want My MTV!” is still returns hundreds of thousands of Google search results, 30 years after it went off the air). He was wildly successful in an advertising agency partnership with ad legend George Lois, before setting up a solo shop, Dale Pon Advertising, in New York City.

Dale was brash and loud, very, and he certainly wasn’t to everyone’s taste. The friend who first recommended me for one of his jobs called in a rage when he quit and said if I really needed a gig so badly… I knew Dale’s work from its supremacy of the metropolitan subway system for the New York country music powerhouse (a paradox if there ever was one) WHN Radio, but it hadn’t occurred to me that actual human beings created advertising, or that it took any real brain power. Dale quickly disabused me of that notion, as he sent me to his tailor to buy me my first three piece suit (more appropriate for Park Avenue media than the cut off shorts I wore to our interview).

Most of all, he was really fucking smart. And deeply, articulately, astute about media. He could tell the story of radio stations or television networks better than anyone, and persuade their audiences to fall profoundly in love, by sticking to the basic human emotions like truth, desire, love. (My favorite? “Love songs, nothing but love songs” for WPIX-FM, directly appropriated for an Off-Broadway show). He didn’t end it there, with a creative, strategic and statistical brilliance that combined, to quote Bob Pittman (from another context completely) “math and magic.”

What I appreciated most was his intense, almost overwhelming desire to teach me everything he knew at exactly the moment I was desperate for his knowledge. In fact, as I observed him with myself and others over the years, it would be fair to say that if you wasn’t interested in being taught, Dale Pon wasn’t interested in you. And, not for nothing, it went both ways. He’s was as incisive a questioner and listener as one could want. Curious, intrigued, dying to know anything on almost any subject. In my case, it meant that we generally spent six or seven days together all the years we were together in two different media capitals. Whew!

Difficult? Challenging? Exasperating? You bet. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything.

Dale’s the one who changed the course of my work life, and as Scott Webb says below, “he changed me.” It’s because of Dale that I stumbled on my understanding that I wasn’t a music guy after all, or even a TV baby, but a pop culture sponge. I wouldn’t had the chance to participate in any of the culture shiftings I got to observe first hand. Who knows, maybe I would’ve stumbled through a life of complete dissatisfaction. That’s how profound his influence was on me.

Dale’s birthday recently passed by, and stuck for cogent things to say about him, I reached out to a few friends who’ve crossed his path and might be better at expressing themselves than I ever could. You’ll notice they’re pretty powerful personalities themselves, but Dale made an impression. Boy, did he make an impression. (I left out some of those controversial moments and unproductive comments.)

Well, our friends didn’t let us down. They got to the heart of the matter in ways I never could. Thanks everyone.

…..

Herb Scannell: Mythical.

Dale Pon is mythical.

He’s the man who “wanted his MTV” and got the world to say the same. My friend Fred always claimed that he learned whatever he knew from Dale and whatever I know I learned from Fred so it all comes back to Dale. Or blame them both. Happy Birthday Dale! Forever young!

…..

Bob Pittman: The Mad Scientist.

Dale Pon is the mad scientist of advertising. Full of passion, always with a breakthrough idea and the urgency to get it done quickly with no compromises. He made a huge contribution to my successes at WNBC Radio, MTV and even Six Flags theme parks. One of a kind….happy birthday to him from a big fan!

……

Scott Webb: “Most people don’t know how to think.”

Dale Pon didn’t just change my life he changed me. He encouraged me to be brave and fearless and never stop solving problems. He is one of the smartest people I have ever met and the teacher I will never forget.

You never know how things are going to happen. After 4 years at Sarah Lawrence, one of the most expensive liberal arts schools, I was clueless about a career. My secret wish was to write comics (mostly because I had no talent to draw). Unlike most of my class at SLC my parents were basically working class folks with a yankee work ethic who expected me to not move back home after graduation.

One January evening, I was talking with my friend Betsy K who had just graduated. She had just returned home from job hunting in the city. She had an interview at WNBC Radio; they weren’t hiring but were looking for interns. “What’s an intern?” I asked. I was so naive.

I immediately fell in love with the energy of the radio station. I had to work there.

“You’ll be working for Dale Pon. He’s very demanding. Do you think you can handle that?” asked Buzz Brindle, a WNBC program director. Me? Of course! I’ve got my Yankee work ethic and my Sarah Lawrence education. I thought I was ready for anything. But I was not ready for Dale Pan.

Dale was bigger than life, louder than anyone else in the company and frequently slammed the door to his tiny office. I found him brilliant, charismatic and intimidating.

My first big assignment for Dale was to create a chart of all the radio stations in New York and rank them by ratings performance over the past 2 years. I wanted to do a great job for him but the truth was that I was terrible at chart making. I was a liberal arts comic book kid and he had me doing statistical analysis and I knew if I did a bad job I would probably face his famous wrath behind a slammed closed door. But despite my inept chart building, Dale painstakingly taught me how to read the Arbitron reports and methodically went through my work and instructed me how to correct it. I learned more from him over that 5 month internship than I had in my last 2 years of college. But my lesson wasn’t in statistical analysis or radio promotion. Dale had high expectations of me, he believed in me and he was demanding in the pursuit of excellence.

A lot of people at the station didn’t like Dale mostly because he would raise his voice to make a point or because he was passionate about his beliefs, or would not hold back his opinion when something was mediocre, pedestrian or just plain stupid. Dale expected greatness in people, work and business. His mission was to win and often people found that difficult to embrace. I, on the other hand, found it awesome. I guess he reminded me of the comic book heroes I admired so much - characters who were extraordinary and could do things other people thought were impossible. Most people at the radio station were happy to have a job and get a paycheck and could care less about being #1 but for him that was all that mattered.

It didn’t hurt that he was so smart and insightful. He had the uncanny super power of understand exactly what the problem was – and he taught me that creativity was the ability to solve problems in fresh, innovative and smart ways.

“Do you know why I hired you?” he asked me at the end of my internship. “I didn’t want to hire one of those kids who studied advertising or media in college. Those kids have been ruined. They show up thinking they already know everything - and they haven’t even had a job yet. You didn’t know anything but you were willing to learn and think. Most people don’t know how to think.”  

Those were some of the most important words I ever heard. They lit a fire of confidence and trust in myself that did not exist before and served me throughout my life, not just in work but in life.

…..

Bill Sobel: He yelled at me on the phone…no idea why.

…..

Noreen Morioka: “Good creates things, and Evil destroys it.”

There is no doubt that we all have a great Dale Pon story. Dale never did anything average. He did everything in extremes. Whether you were laughing so hard that you couldn’t breathe or wanting to shake him like a rag doll, Dale is unforgettable.

One of my favorite Dale Pon stories is when he was pitching a new name for a network. Since the channel was going to be all re-runs of a lower level, Dale named it Trash TV. I loved it, but when I presented my designs, he thought what I did wasn’t trashy enough and proceeded to get another designer to put flies swarming around the proposed logomark. When he presented his concept to the network president, he stopped at the building dumpster and pulled out garbage to bring up to presentation. Needless to say, the meeting didn’t go well, and the president was furious that Dale brought garbage into his beautiful office. Stern words were exchanged on both sides and security was called to take Dale and garbage out of the office. He called later to let me know they were going to search for another name. The network changed their name several times since then, and each time Dale would just smile. We all knew his solution was genius.

Like you, Fred, Dale taught me a lot. He taught me never to settle, always come back stronger and most importantly what the difference between good and evil was.

“Good creates things, and Evil destroys it.” Thanks to this simple Dale Pon-ism, I live my life by.

I will always have a deep respect and love for that guy. Happy Birthday, Dale. You are the true original.

…..

Tina Potter: So thoughtful.  

Dale is a magnanimous gift-giver. I once told him the Chrysler Building was my favorite building in NY, and the next time I saw him, he brought me a beautiful framed B&W print of the building! So thoughtful. I still have it!

……

Judith Bookbinder: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

I learned a lot from Dale in a very short time.

Dale taught me that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

If you want to make something happen, figure it out or find someone who can do it for you.

This simple wisdom is something that has served me throughout my professional life.

…..

Ed Salamon: Directness and Simplicity.  

I always appreciate the opportunity to say something nice about Dale, but the stories that first came to mind involved women, drugs, and fistfights. Or were otherwise too self-incriminating. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

The genius of Dale’s creativity is its directness and simplicity (like “I Want My MTV!”). Unfortunately that sometimes resulted in it being underappreciated.

When we worked together at WHN Radio I once heard our boss say to Dale at the end of the day “We need a new ad campaign slogan for the station by tomorrow. Take twenty minutes tonight, walk around the Village and come up with something.”

When I later started The United Stations Radio Network with Dick Clark and others, we hired Dale to create the logo, which  he agreed to do out of friendship for only a nominal fee. The logo was a distinctive type face, with the letters stuck together (“united”). Some in the company commented that it was too simple; others appreciated its genius.

……

Tom Freston: A great bunch of guys.

Dale is a great bunch of guys. Argumentative, persistent, a perfectionist, fun, difficult, and smart as hell….winning, ultimately, most of his arguments. Happy birthday.

…..

Therese Gamba: “Work smarter, not harder.”

Long before there was “Better Call Saul” it was “Better Call Dale”  when you were faced with a creative challenge.  Dale had a long term relationship with MTV Networks having been part of the launch team for that iconic channel.  So when The Nashville Network had to be relaunched  as the new home of the WWE (then the WWF), oh and it had to be done in three months, there was only one person to call.

My first meeting with Dale was over lunch at the Mercer Kitchen.  Fred had prepped me that Dale liked metrics and to be ready for a lot of questions.  But as anyone who’s met with Dale will tell you, you can never be fully prepared for the hurricane of creative energy that is Dale Pon.

I was prepared with my Venn diagram of the overlap between TNN’s current viewers and the WWE’s viewers (no surprise, not a big cross section). Then the questions started in what felt like a ping pong match at warp speed.  

Two hours into the lunch I had held my own and received the nod from Dale that I was on the right track. I was exhausted, relieved and thrilled to have passed the test. I learned that once you’ve basked in the glow of Dale’s approval, you were hooked.  I also learned that I had become a member of an exclusive club, “Dale’s World.”  My fellow club members all know the stories, share the memories and still live by what he taught us.

Dale always said “work smarter, not harder.”  That mantra has never failed me just as Dale never failed to be supportive, inquisitive and completely one of a kind!

Happy Birthday dear Dale!

(From left): Dale Pon, Anne Grassi, Scott Webb at WNBC Radio, circa 1980.

Alan Goodman: “I’ll give you 50 bucks to fuck up this guy’s haircut.”

Two stories about Dale Pon –

1. I was in Paris with Dale (who ran our advertising agency – my mentor was now my supplier) and MTV’s VP of Programming, Les Garland. Dale and Les weren’t pals. How tense was it? We had dinner together one night in Paris and Les bought us all expensive Cuban cigars. Outside, Dale waited until Les split off to go to his hotel. The first second Les was out of sight, Dale pitched his cigar in the gutter.

We had flown on 10 hours notice so we could shoot Mick Jagger saying “I Want My MTV!” Dale had already shot a number of other MTV generation stars shouting the line, and some were even biggish. But Jagger was THE “get.” We knew that once Jagger blessed our campaign by participating, we’d get anyone else we would ever want. (We did).

We waited around the hotel a couple of days until we got the bat signal that Mick was ready, and raced over to his hotel to set up. Very quickly, what was supposed to be Dale’s shoot had become Les’ shoot. Dale was pissed, rigid with anger, sequestered with me in the adjoining room forced to watch the proceedings on a monitor. I went over to him to try to diffuse the situation. I can’t remember what I told him. But I remember his response, word for word:

“Do you think I need to hear any of this right now?”

I realized why I was in Paris. I was there, as the client, to witness who threw the first punch.

I had spent every single day of the past four months in the office trying to figure out how to do a job I had no idea how to do. I was exhausted. I had zero interest in the kind of politics and shenanigans that network executives pull, and I didn’t want to be there. That’s it, I decided. I’ve had enough. I’m a writer. I have a talent. I can make a living. I will get back home and I will immediately quit.

I said nothing. I smiled through the rest of the shoot. We stopped at a bistro after we wrapped, and had a lovely dinner and wine with the crew. It was a celebration. For good reason. We had Jagger. I stayed quiet. Silent, even. No one knew of my plans.

When we reached the hotel, Dale drew me aside and sat me down.

“You’re not going to quit,” he said. What?! Huh?! How did he know? On top of everything, the man can read minds??!

“You’re not going to quit. You are at the very beginning of something that will change the world, and you will have a great career. You have to stay there and be a part of that and do what you do really well. You cannot leave. Do you understand? You cannot quit.”

He went up to bed. I went home the next day, and didn’t quit. Instead, I stayed and helped make the thing that changed the world. And it was the beginning of a great career.

2. I went to get my hair cut at Astor Place one day. I walked up to my guy, and there in the chair was Dale. I didn’t know Dale used my guy. Dale looked up at me, looked at the barber, and told him, “I’ll give you 50 bucks to fuck up this guy’s haircut.”

…..

Scott Webb (unedited): “He didn’t just change my life he changed me.”

You never know how things are going to happen.

I was a few short months away from graduating from Sarah Lawrence College with no idea what I would do for a job. I was a kid who had grown up reading and loving comic books. After 4 years at one of the most expensive liberal arts schools I was clueless about a career. My secret wish remained to write comics (mostly because I had no talent to draw). Sarah Lawrence was a great place for me. It was there that I understood how to learn. I was naturally curious and SLC exposed me to a world of ideas and brilliant people (students and teachers). But Sarah Lawrence was not a place where I could start a career path. 5 months from graduating I felt the looming pressure of finding a job and making money. Unlike most of my class at SLC my parents were basically working class folks with a yankee work ethic who expected me to not move back home after graduation.  

One January evening, I was talking with my friend Betsy K who had just graduated. She had just returned home from job hunting in the city. She had an interview at WNBC radio with a guy named Buzz Brindle. She said they weren’t hiring but were looking for interns. “What’s an intern?” I asked. I was so naive. She explained that an internship is where you work for free - for experience and to get your foot in the door. WNBC was part of NBC - one of only 3 existing TV networks at the time and my eyes lit up at the idea of of doing anything with a big media company. So I lined up a meeting with Buzz to see if I was intern material.

Buzz was sweet and avuncular and I immediately fell in love with the energy of the radio station. I had to work there. “We’re looking for interns in the promotion department” Buzz explained and I just nodded as affirmatively as possible. “You’ll be working for Dale Pon. He’s very demanding. Do you think you can handle that?” Me? Of course! I’ve got my Yankee work ethic and my Sarah Lawrence education. I thought I was ready for anything. But I was not ready for Dale Pon.  

I interned at the station 2 days a week and It appeared I was the only male in Dale’s promotion team. I reported to a woman named Anne Grassi but Dale was the boss. Dale was bigger than life, louder than anyone else in the company and frequently slammed the door to his tiny office. I had never worked in an office before. I found him brilliant, charismatic and intimidating. The other interns and I would huddle in the conference room where we did our work and wait for our next assignment.

I did many things as an intern but my first big assignment for Dale was to create a chart of all the radio stations in New York and rank them by ratings performance over the past 2 years. This was no small task - this was way before computers in offices - and required me to go to the NBC research department to collect dozens of Arbitron ratings books and laboriously extract the data he wanted and lay it out graphically. I wanted to do a great job for him but the truth was that I was terrible at chart making.

I was a liberal arts comic book kid and he had me doing statistical analysis and I knew if I did a bad job I would probably face his famous wrath behind a slammed closed door. But despite my inept chart building, Dale painstakingly taught me how to read the Arbitron reports and methodically went through my work and instructed me how to correct it. I learned more from him over that 5 month internship than I had in my last 2 years of college. But my lesson wasn’t in statistical analysis or radio promotion. Dale had high expectations of me, he believed in me and he was demanding in the pursuit of excellence.

The chart was part of his battle plan to make WNBC #1 in the NYC market and when I understood the big picture of what he was doing I felt even more inspired and willing to do anything in the service of that cause.

A lot of people at the station didn’t like Dale mostly because he would raise his voice to make a point or because he was passionate about his beliefs, or would not hold back his opinion when something was mediocre, pedestrian or just plain stupid. Dale expected greatness in people, work and business. His mission was to win and often people found that difficult to embrace. I, on the other hand, found it awesome. I guess he reminded me of the comic book heroes I admired so much - characters who were extraordinary and could do things other people thought were impossible. Most people at the radio station were happy to have a job and get a paycheck and could care less about being #1 but for him that was all that mattered.  

It didn’t hurt that he was so smart and insightful. He had the uncanny super power of understand exactly wha the problem was - and he taught me that creativity was the ability to solve problems in fresh, innovative and smart ways. “Do you know why I hired you?” he asked me at the end of my internship. “I didn’t want to hire one of those kids who studied advertising or media in college. Those kids have been ruined. They show up thinking they already know everything - and they haven’t even had a job yet. You didn’t know anything but you were willing to learn and think. Most people don’t know how to think.”  Those were some of the most important words I ever heard. They lit a fire of confidence and trust in myself that did not exist before and served me throughout my life, not just in work but in life.

Dale Pon didn’t just change my life he changed me. He encouraged me to be brave and fearless and never stop solving problems. He is one of the smartest people I have ever met and the teacher I will never forget.

.....

Susan Kantor and David Hyman were on the opposite side of their relationships with him, Susan as a long time account executive in Dale’s agencies, and David as a client. Drew Takahashi, a trusted friend and wonderful creative partner.  

I’m particularly fond of the pull quote from David’s recollections. Having had hundreds of restaurant meals with DP over the years, waitress confusion was probably my overriding remembrance.

Susan Kantor has traveled to the upper heights of television since her time with Dale Pon in the 1980s. But when you read her memoir below he prepared her well, as he did with all of us.

Drew Takahashi is a director who co-founded (Colossal) Pictures, San Francisco, one of the most creative production companies of the 1980s and 90s, and one of the key creative suppliers to the first decades of MTV.

David Hyman became my head of marketing at the MTVi Group when the company purchased Sonicnet.com, one of David’s early digital music endeavors (he’s gone on as founder of MOG, one of the seminal digital music streamers).

…..

Susan Kantor: “Lead, don’t follow”. Love, Dale”

Hands down, Dale Pon was my most influential career mentor. Ridiculously smart, enormously passionate, admirably courageous and truthfully a little scary.

We would all brace ourselves for the moment the elevator doors opened and the sound of his fiercely determined walk in his trademarked cowboy boots could be heard. With the first, “good morning” would come a rapid fire interrogation of where we were at on all the “to do’s” he had just given us an hour ago. “Why isn’t it done yet?”

Leslie Fenn-Gershon and I used to joke about putting a Valium in his Perrier so we could get through the day.

When I got to the office in the morning there would often be a “note”, on my chair written with red Sharpie marker on yellow pad lined paper (pre-email), from Dale.  His handwriting, had as much conviction as his spoken word.  These encouraging notes were meant to guide, remind, teach, mentor or simply, to show his appreciation - often complimentary, occasionally piercing. I still have them.

“Lead, don’t follow”. Love, Dale

“Let’s make things happen!” Love Dale “

“There are children and there are parents. Be a parent.” Love, Dale “

“Everyone wants to be told what to do. Tell them.” Love, Dale “

“We had a good day today. Thank you for your help.” Love, Dale

As we chased rock stars around the globe helping MTV and VH1 revolutionize the music industry, and traversed across the county to position many TV and radio stations in their market, Dale always imparted the importance of what we were doing and demanded we do our very best, every day.

He recognized my innate work ethic, enthusiasm and willingness to do whatever it took to learn and succeed – he also knew how young and naïve I was.  Ripe for mentorship and direction. I got both, and then some. The Dale Pon “boot camp” was not always pretty, but it was always colorful, impactful, memorable and most importantly, meaningful.  

Not only did he teach me all about advertising and the importance of finding the unique selling proposition and saying it as simply as possible so people would remember it, he showed me the world and how not to be intimidated by it. He made me self-aware of my talents and my shortcomings. He also taught me there was no substitute for doing the work.

To this day, I love you Dale and I thank you for believing in me and giving me the chance of a lifetime.

Belated birthday wishes and hope to see you again soon!

…..

Drew Takahashi: “…he gleefully pushed me to do stuff I hated.“

After seeing you and the MTV crew took me back to good/bad old days. I realized I missed Dale Pon.

Back in the day I didn’t know he was a mentor. I only knew he gleefully pushed me to do stuff I hated. In the end I realized you and he knew what was better for me than what I knew. Someday I’ll learn my lesson.

Steve Linden and I went to shoot with Dale for WNBC [AM]. He asked us to meet him at Windows on the World bar for drinks and dinner. He showed up two hours later and Steve and I were suitably toasted. Then he insisted we join him in a very alcoholic dinner. I was so hungover the morning of the shoot I didn’t know how I could direct the talent, Don Imus. Dale apologized for needing to shoot something first so we didn’t roll my spot until the afternoon. Saved my ass.

Many more memories. The weirdest was him in the Colossal bathroom cleaning crabs of their guts for a surprise picnic in the middle of our animation camera shoot.

…..

David Hyman: “[He] always confused the waitresses.”

Here’s mine:

Dale came up with the name of my company, Gracenote.  I think that just came really easy to him.  

For a while he was a really great teacher to me. I stubbornly couldn’t take the occasional abuse that went with it, even though it was probably good for me. I was honored to be asked as the voice over for a $30 million tv ad campaign by Dale and encouraged to do voice over work. Thrilling to be informed I had career chops outside of sales & marketing.

Dale is the only person i know that would always order two margaritas for himself (at the same time). It always confused the waitresses.

.....

With Dale Pon @WHN Radio. 1977, New York City.

It was against all odds, but my late 70s stint in country music radio hooked me up with a mentor who made the difference.

Before I got to New York’s 1050 WHN, I was aware of the station. Well aware. Sometime in 1976, my friend/future partner/father of my beloved nephew and niece, Alan Goodman, asked me whether I’d seen some giant subway posters (the top photo above). Of course, I’d noticed them, with large portraits of Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, The Eagles, Charlie Pride, Loretta Lynn, Kenny Rogers, Olivia Newton-John, Linda Ronstadt and seemingly dozens of other traditional and contemporary stars of the era. There were so many, they seemed to be everywhere. And, they were gorgeous, well designed, in a sea of drop-dead-New York graffiti, hum drum posters, homeless campers and mess, standing out like nothing we’d ever seen down there before. Too bad it was for music we couldn’t stand.

After I got the job with the station’s creative director and ad man, Dale Pon (another story for another time), I found out a bit about the thinking at the station and the advertising campaign. How did a city that was the home of the most sophisticated popular music of all time –to the likes of Duke Ellington, George Gershwin, Irving Berlin, Frank Sinatra– welcome the shitkickers in and become the second most popular radio station in the United States (or the world, for that matter)?

Dale was the supremely gifted Vice President of Creative Services, and he introduced me to Ed Salamon, the station’s innovative program director (Neil Rockoff was the General Manager who brought them together), who used a Top 40 radio approach* to country radio, upending the entire (typical New Yorker’s) notion that country music hadn’t evolved since Hank Williams.

No ordinary radio promotion guy, Dale had been a media buyer at Ogilvy, a radio upstart (a mild description) when the world switched from AM to “progressive” FM, and run radio ad sales teams. In the 80s, he would go on to successfully run his own advertising agency, and together we started one of the most famous media campaigns of all time, “I Want My MTV!”).  

Dale Pon wasn’t going to promote the station as cowboy boots and hats, like the last team did. He wanted big ratings for WHN, big ratings. They all did.

* If you’re interested, Ed’s written a book that details his contrarian, and wildly successful, methods called WHN: When New York Went Country.  

WHN Radio illustrations from top to bottom, all creative direction by Dale Pon 1977: New York City subway station double truck posters (L-R) Olivia Newton-John (obscured), Linda Ronstadt, Elvis Presley; Olivia Newton-John; Kenny Rogers; Television/Radio Age cover ads; Linda Ronstadt double truck subway poster.

.....

I Want My MTV! Early 1980s, New York City.

MTV had been on the air for six months and we’d fired the storied Ogilvy & Mather and hired Dale Pon’s LPG/Pon (a joint venture with George Lois) at my insistence. Now they were presenting their first trade campaign for advertisers and cable operators and my first big decision was being called into question. America is fast becoming a land of Cable Brats! “It’s audacious! Outrageous! Just like you guys.” George Lois was a big talker, a big seller, and a bit of a smart ass, loudmouth. He was also smart. Even though I knew he designed the “cable brats” thing, it was my brilliant mentor Dale, who’d never steered me wrong creatively or strategically, who was behind the whole thing. His ex-girlfriend, and now one of my best friends, Nancy Podbielniak, had written the copy. Besides, I agreed with Dale that generally trade advertising was a waste of time and bigger waste of money. Consumers were where it’s at, and weren’t all the tradesmen we were hopping to reach consumers too? If we had a knockout punch of consumer advertising our job would be done. I knew he was keeping his powder dry for the big show.

America is fast becoming a land of Cable Brats! There’s an incorrigible new generation out there. They grew up with music. They grew up with television.  So we put ‘em both together – for the Cable Brats, and they’re taking over America! They’re men and women in the 18 to 34 age range advertisers want most – plus the increasingly important 12 to 17 segement. The Cable Brats buy all the high volume, high ticket, high tech, high profit products of modern America. They’re strong-willed, cunning, crazily impulsive – an advertiser’s peerless audience. They look and listen and they want their MTV. And they buy, buy, buy. Rock'n'Roll wasn’t enough for them – now they want their MTV. (The exploding 24-hour Video Music Cable Network (and it’s Stereo!)

George was certainly right. It was audacious, and it was a touch outrageous. Somehow, the tone wasn’t quite right, but after the crap Ogilvy had done for us, it was way better. Besides, hidden in there was the sand grain that was going to lead us to our pearl.

.....

I Want My MTV! 1982, New York City.

I WANT MY MTV! took the phenomenon that had taken over the imaginations of young America and supercharged it into a famous brand with just about everyone in the country. I just googled [in 2010]  “I Want My MTV” and it popped up almost 4,760,000 results. Pretty amazing for an advertising campaign that ceased to exist 22 years ago.* Pretty potent.   The whole thing was the work of my mentor and friend Dale Pon. He’d been my first boss in the commercial media, at WHN Radio in New York when it was a country music station. He’d recommended me for my job at Warner Amex Satellite Entertainment Company, as the production director of The Movie Channel, and eventually as the first Creative Director of MTV: Music Television. We’d fallen in and out over the years, but in late 1981, when it came time for us to hire an advertising agency again –at first, the top dog had vetoed Dale as not heavy enough for a company like ours– with a lot of help from my immediate boss Bob Pittman, I was able to convince everyone that Dale understood media promotion better than anyone else in America. Anyone. Besides, didn’t he have “insurance” with his partner, legendary adman George Lois?

Dale Pon (via MTV: The Making of a Revolution)

No one had ever encountered an ad executive like Dale, because he had the unique ability to be completely and analytically strategic –”math and magic” Pittman might call it– and be wildly, and intelligently, creative at the same time. An almost unheard of combination, especially in media advertising. Sure, he had a volatile nature, in advertising that was often a given (look at his partner). But it was his strategic, creative abilities that really set him apart.

We’d already done our first trade campaign, the “Cable Brats,“ to the discomfort of most of the suits in the corporate marketing group (Bob and his team, me included, were in programming). But Dale didn’t buy into the efficacy of trade ads anyhow, so now were onto the big show, television advertising. The only problem was that we all recognized that an effective campaign would cost about $10,000,000. Our budget only had $2,000,000, and if we didn’t spend it quickly the corporate gods would probably take it away in the fall.

"I want my Maypo” commercials, created by John Hubley

Looking back, the core creative ended up being the most straightforward part. Dale’s closest friend and creative partner, Nancy Podbielniak had written the cable brats copy and had a tag line “Rock'n'roll wasn’t enough for them – now they want their MTV!” That rung a bell in George Lois, someone who never missed a chance to abscond with someone else’s good idea, and decided to rip off his own knock off of a Maypo campaign from the 1950s and 60s (animator John Hubley originated it as a set famous animated spots, and George had unsuccessfully knocked it off using sports stars) and presented a storyboard that completely duplicated his version. Rock stars like Mick Jagger were saying “I Want My MTV” and crying like babies, implying they were spoiled children being denied. No one was buying it until Dale let me know that there was no way he’d ask Pete Townshend or Mick to cry for us. “Pride! They need to show their pride in rock'n'roll! They’ll be shouting!” After a little corporate fuss we were able to sell it in.

AMERICA! DEMAND YOUR MTV!

Now, it was the next part that was completely and utterly brilliant. Because Dale came from the school that great creative was all well and good, but unless it could move the business needle, what good was it? In this case, the needle wasn’t ratings (cable TV didn’t have ratings in 1981), but active households, distribution for MTV. Cable operators were all relatively old guys who thought The Weather Channel was a better idea; they’d turned a deaf ear to their younger employees who were clamoring for us instead.

To dramatically simplify the strategy Dale organized, he decided to only advertise in markets where:

• There was enough penetration to justify a modest ad spend.

• But where there were critically large cable operators on the fence about taking MTV.

• And that we could afford a 300 gross rating point buy (three times heavier as any consumer products agency would suggest) for at least four weeks in a row (the traditional media spend would call for pulsing 10 days on and 10 days off).

The “G” in LPG/Pon was Dick Gershon. Along with data from our affiliate group, he crunched and crunched and crunched until he came up with a list of markets and dates we could afford. It was 20% of what we needed, but everyone figured if we could really start to knock off a bunch of cable systems, get them actually launch our network, the domino effect would solidify MTV’s hold on the market forever.

Strategy in place, the creative was back on the front burner. The basic campaign was a great way to get famous rock stars endorsing our channel, but where was the close? What would actually make the 'ka-ching’ we needed? Luckily, back in the day there was only one way to for a homeowner get anything from your reluctant jerk of a cable operator (they figure they held all the cards, why should they do anything to make life better for their consumers?). And what was it that young adults loved to do? Dale knew immediately.

No one alive in front of a television set in the summer of 1982 could ever forget

Pete Townshend, with the wackiest haircut of his career, shouting at the video camera:

“America! DEMAND your MTV! Call your cable operator and say, "I WANT MY MTV!!”

We shot the spots wherever the rock stars would have us for 20 minutes (they still weren’t really sure this MTV: Music Television thing was going to be good for them). Our director and producer, Tommy Schlamme and Buzz Potamkin, got together with some puppeteers to choreograph the 'dancing’ stereo television. I asked my partner to go into the studio to edit the music sections when they weren’t rocking enough, and –poof!– famous advertising.

Nothing to it, yes?

* For comparison, “I Want My Maypo” posts 112,000 results on Google. Or “Where’s the beef?”, another famous 1980’s campaign for Wendy’s returns 176,000 (or if you only use that phrase, which has been appropriated for all sorts of uses, you get 2,640,000).

.....

“Mee, mee, me, meeee!” MTV Networks Online, 1999/2000 New York City

MTV got Sonicnet in the middle of another transaction they thought would be more important. But as the internet heated up in the business world’s consciousness, Sonicnet.com became something they thought to pay attention to. Which meant that, as president of MTV Networks Online, I was trying to help make the thing successful.

MTV had also acquired a then-unique personalized radio application. Coupled with Sonicnet, we decided an ad campaign would supercharge the site, something large media folks like us thought was necessary. (It wasn’t.*)

Over a few objections, I hired my brilliant, challenging mentor Dale Pon to create our campaign. Dale had done our the iconic “I Want My MTV” for me in the early 1980s and constantly proved himself to be the most creative and effective media ad man in America. The stunningly talented and perfectly musical film director Tim Newman was already on our online staff (after turning his back on a career that included some of the greatest music videos of all time), so he was really the only person who we thought could direct the spots. Dale hustled our head of marketing, David Hyman, into his one and only –and perfect– voice acting job. (And, I should put in a word for the Sonicnet logo. Designed by AdamsMorioka, from a concept developed by Fred Graver.

You can see for yourself that Dale knew how conceive big ideas to bring out the best from stars. With Tim in the director’s chair, the results were pretty stunning. And, to cap it, Dale really knew how to use MTVi’s clout to reach for the stars (like Isaac Hayes, James Brown, Joshua Bell, Jewel, Pat Metheny, Sheryl Crow, Beenie Man, Gang Starr, Faith Hill, Lindsey Buckingham, Don Henley, Al Jarreau, Alice Cooper, Blink 182, Kenny Wayne Shephard, Bon Jovi, Buck Cherry, Charlotte Church, Christina Acquilera, Dwight Yoakam, The Ruff Ryders, Eve, Johnny Resnick (The Goo Goo Dolls), kd lang, Buck Cherry, Kelis, Lindsey Buckingham, Melissa Etheridge, Moby, Seal, Sisqo, Static X, SheDaisy, Hillary Hahn, Charlotte Church, Yo Yo Ma, and Sting.)

This campaign, like every other one I’d worked on with Dale over the decades, was a hoot. One of the best things to come out of my one year in the early corporate internet. 

…..

* IMHO, one of the great mistakes media companies made during Web 1.0, was thinking that their traditional audience reach would give them huge advantage in building web destinations. They’d made the exact same mistake in the transition from broadcast to cable. It didn’t occur to them in either era that a basic misunderstanding of the newest medium –not knowing what the audience wanted from the upstarts– would not attract anyone to their websites.

And, by the by, the same mistake has been made from popular websites bungling the transition to mobile. And, so it goes.

Shoutout to @tiburme for tagging me~!

Rules: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things and then tag 10 people.

Oh, massive spoilers below btw.

1. Gon Freecss from Hunter x Hunter: My favorite shounen protagonist by far. At first you think he’s your typical happy-go-lucky bouncy boye :D who definitely doesn’t have abandonment issues or self-destructive tendencies that literally actually almost kill him later on, and then, uwu... The amount of complexity that Gon has as a protagonist who hardly ever has stand-alone development is nothing short of astounding. How during the Chimera Ant Art his characterization totally dips off to the side to become an unknowable entity even to the audience, while still retaining amazing character development regardless -- not to mention how brilliantly daring his decision to threaten Komugi is that nearly every other author with such a happy-go-lucky protagonist would shy away from in cowardice -- is absolutely surreal to me. The more I think and write about Gon, the more I fall in love with him. If I ever meet his father, and by that I mean his real father, the creator, Togashi, I have nothing else to say but,,, well done, sir.

2. Tanjirou Kamado from Demon Slayer: I’m really hoping the Demon Slayer movie comes out soon because I absolutely love this boy and how charming he is. Unlike most protagonists, not just of shounen anime but of seemingly macho story lines that involve power-ups and training in general, Tanjirou never lets go of his kind heart. (Welp, except maybe in some cases when he’s facing the Upper Moons later on -- I haven’t caught up yet -- but WE’RE GONNA IGNORE THAT for now.) From the beginning, Tanjirou’s kindness isn’t an obstacle holding back his power, though other characters pose it that way, but rather he cultivates his empathy to grant peace to the demons he faces. He smiles in the face of anyone who treats him poorly because of his cluelessness, and that’s just so heartwarming to see, and dare I say subversive to the hardened, calculating, and cocky male protagonists we so often get. Good job, Gotouge.

3. Joseph Joestar from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Giorno Giovanna was a close second, but I gotta go with Joseph. He’s the one who made me fall in love with the series, and with the later parts too. Unlike Jonathan Joestar, who was chivalrous and manly, Joseph was a riot: colorful, arrogant, funny, but also extremely clever. I absolutely loved his, “Next you’ll say...!” because at first I expected it to just be him being an overconfident asshole and eventually he’d be proven wrong at the ~Dai Pinchi Moment~ (please excuse my weeb speech, I legit didn’t know what else to call it), but then he hit the mark every time and eventually I was just waiting for when he’d pull that out and it was so hype. Also I surely can’t forget his transformation as an old dude in Part 3 -- him screaming “OOHHHH MY GAAAWDDDA!” and “HOLY SHIIIT!” murdered me every time. And of course, last but not least, the raw fucking emotion when Caeser died -- the dude actually gave a shit and wasn’t made entirely of wit and absurdity, but heart too. Joseph set the tone for what JJBA was as a whole for me (fuck off with that “but Part 3/Part 4 is the best Part” bullshit, Part 2 will always be top tier for me because of Joseph Joestar’s brilliant, bright, and beautiful absurdity -- but Part 5 was really good too). Araki really is a genius.

4. Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess: My love for this series is a bit older than the series I’ve already mentioned, and TLoZ: TP was actually probably the first time I got seriously obsessed with a fandom. I love all the Links in their own ways, but Twilight Princess really drove home the “lone wolf chosen by the gods, fighting against the world” narrative for me. It made me feel important and strong at a time when no one cared about me. Seeing Link struggle silently through his quest with villagers who meant well but did nothing for him, and Midna who started out as a reluctant acquaintance and eventually became so much more, meant so much to me at the time I played the game. I will always love Twilight Princess the most because of what it did for me at one of the darkest times in my life, and because I felt completely and utterly immersed in every part of the story and gameplay through Link’s character, who was, and in many ways, still is, so relatable to me: Silent courage really is what I use to get through every day.

5. Greedling from Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood): For once I’m not naming the protagonist of a series! Lissen, I still smile whenever I see the slightest reference to Edward Elric, but now he’s more of my childhood love. He’s just a part of my personality already? LOL. Anyway, FMA(B) has so many good characters that choosing just one doesn’t feel right (I mean, same with HxH tho). I say Greedling because that encompasses both Ling and Greed though, two of my favorite characters from the series! Ling’s apparent childishness in constantly running away from fights, making other people pay for his food, and failing to grasp the seriousness of the situation (until Lan Fan’s arm gets cut off lol oops) is so adorable and entertaining. He’s the best kind of idiot asshole, and I especially love how he teases Ed. After him and Greed fuse, Ling’s stout heart becomes even more apparent, as he constantly eggs Greed on to remember his past life, his friends, and become someone outside of Father/the Dwarf in the Flask. Conversely, Greed’s nonchalance and (of course) avarice are nothing short of entertaining and heartbreaking. Greed’s realization at the end, when he finally admitted to himself that what he wanted all along were “friends like these,” completely crushed me the first few times I watched FMAB. And when he’s screaming in the tunnels under Central after having killed Bido, remembering his friends, and he doesn’t understand why, and later attacks Wrath/King Bradley... that shit was so entertaining and cathartic to watch. None of his development feels like forced redemption, nor like it was too little development, since it mostly happens in the background and away from the “validating eyes” of the protagonists other than Ling. And at the end, when Ling and Greed work together to take down Bradley and all the soldiers invading Central HQ... it’s so beautiful. Many have said this before but I’ll say it again: Hiromu Arakawa wrote the perfect series.

6. Ciel Phantomhive from Black Butler: Another protagonist! And another older obsession of mine. Ciel remains in my mind to this day mainly for his heartlessness in relation to his age, and the fluidity with which Toboso tells his story. Normally when authors write younger characters into their serious stories, they make “child adults” of sorts, but Ciel feels totally realistic to the extent that he is both childish and adult to me. Obviously, Ciel is responsible and (normally) level-headed due to being the head of the Phantomhive household, but also from trauma. Yet, his cruelty at times is what sticks in my mind the most: You really feel that he’s someone who feels he’s been abandoned by the entire world, given his experiences, and that makes him disregard or use others sometimes in order to reach his own ends. Normally, authors would be too cowardly to let their protagonists, let alone child protagonists, go to such lengths to avenge their family, or carry out their duty as the dog of the military (looking at you, Arakawa -- she’s still a goddess tho). But Ciel is unforgiving. He lies to Snake and tells him his troupe is still alive. He murders the entire troupe because he’s triggered -- a childish decision, but driven with adult-like power due to trauma. It’s devastatingly riveting, and I cannot forget his unrelenting, contained rage to this day.

7. Ahsoka Tano from Star Wars: The Clone Wars: This one may come as a shock to most of you, because I hardly ever post Star Wars let alone Ahsoka content on here -- but it’s true. Other than the blatant, half-assedly inserted heteroromantic partner they gave Ahsoka in, like, idk season 3??, Ahsoka is a fucking goddess. From her origin as a wee baby in the earlier seasons who didn’t really know what she was doing and was a bit of a cocky brat, to how she matures and becomes wise, resourceful, and fierce in the later seasons, I just love Ahsoka’s design and character to this day. The episodes that stick in my mind aside from the obvious are when she’s possessed by the Dark Side of the Force on that Force balance planet and her arrogance becomes so exaggerated that she threatens and attacks Anakin, her teacher. It was so fucking cathartic. Normally female characters, let alone young protagonist female characters, are never allowed to show the ugly sides of themselves in fiction, since women are always portrayed as perfect beautiful majestic angels or some bullshit like that. (Or they’re cocky/sexy/slutty villain women. ‘Kay then.) Seeing Ahsoka devolve into her basal desires and come out of it like hardly anything happened and she’s still a perfectly valid character was so amazing to see on a meta level; it wasn’t about her learning a lesson or anything, it was a thing that happened like any other character and then they moved the fuck on. I also distinctly remember the episode where she was trapped on that island/planet and she had to take out the aliens that were after her all by herself. That was so fucking empowering to watch and god fucking dammit I need to rewatch this series now. And of course, let us not forget the fact that the entire time, we were all expecting Ahsoka to just be another domino in Anakin’s downfall -- and she was, but not through the refrigerator -- but through walking away from it all. That was so powerful and moving -- and heartbreaking. By the end of TCW, her character carried weight and agency in the narrative, and god, I only wish whoever wrote her could write more female characters in the future.

8. Tigress from Kung Fu Panda: Maybe another surprise, but I think she deserves this spot. Tigress is a female character who starts out as kind of an antagonist, given how she outright tells Po to leave the kung fu temple within the first day of him arriving. She’s even jealous of the fact that he’s chosen as the Dragon Warrior rather than her -- but that’s due to the backwash of years of trying to live up to the memory of Tai Lung in order to please Shifu (which means “master” in Chinese but ok I’ll shut up now), her master and mentor over the years. She never says this out loud in the movie, which is what makes her character more believable. Others even joke about how stoic she is (and not in bad taste). Her character development is definitely present for those who are looking -- but I put her on this list because I’m so happy the movie doesn’t make it some huge dramatic emotional thing, because so often in media women are depicted as being overly-emotional and here Tigress is just a hurt child trying to make her mentor happy. But, she gets over it, her and Po become allies, even friends to each other -- she and Po talk like equals in the second and third movies, and she even tells him to back out of the fight with Lord Shen and he listens (I mean he doesn’t stay put but he doesn’t undermine her opinion either lol, like most jokesy protagonists of Western media would -- looking at you, Marvel). I like Tigress because she’s an antagonist without being a bitch, she’s powerful without being overpowered, and she’s not sexualized despite being a well-trained, at times jealous, and even emotionally awkward kung fu master. And I almost forgot to mention the best part: There is never an indication of romance between her and Po, or any other character, for that matter. She’s perfectly capable, complex, and lovely on her own terms. And that’s that on THAT.

9. Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit: I wanted to include at least one character protagonist from a live-action movie/book, lol. I feel like Bilbo’s pretty self-explanatory. He doesn’t wanna go on an adventure because he likes his doilies and warm sheets, but then Gandalf seduces him with the call to the outside world and possible death (LOL), and he fucking goes for it, grumbling the entire time. Isn’t that what any of us would do if given such a proposition? I like to think so. Bilbo obviously has his own gradual, evil transformation with the One Ring, becomes murderous and uses it to disappear, and grows a strong bromance with the King Under the Mountain (which happens in both the movie and the book), but I think what I like about him is that he really feels... down-to-earth? Like even though the adventure changes him, it never feels like he’s been stretched in a way that makes his core character traits of grumbling and bluntness disappear. He gets better at the whole adventuring thing, for sure, but he remains Bilbo, at least, to me, throughout the journey. It was heartwrenching watching him try to save Thorin in The Battle of Five Armies, honestly, but Bilbo’s the kind of character that I feel like has his own story and mythology aside from The Hobbit, and maybe that’s just the result of J.R.R. Tolkien writing the lore for every aspect of his universe, but My Point Still Stands. He feels like his own man apart from the series he’s in, yet he’s still so much fun in his series.

10. Barley Lightfoot from Onward: And last, this one is because I saw Onward yesterday and was pleasantly surprised by the characterization in it -- and anyone who thinks differently can kiss my *ss. :) I was not expecting the movie to take the twist of fleshing out the “annoying” (more like adorable) overconfident nerdy big brother. Normally those characters are swiped to the side because God Forbid The Comic Relief Have Any Sadness In Them. I was expecting the movie to focus on Ian’s journey to meet his fatha and that the movie would pull something stupid at the end like “oh actually there’s another phoenix gem underneath the school” or “actually since only his legs appeared then you still have 24 hours with him” or some shit like that, but I guess this isn’t an anime so those absurdist explanations wouldn’t hold water anyway. But still, for a kid’s movie, I was NOT expecting this movie to go so hard with the characterization. For once, the main character doesn’t get what he wants at the end, and instead realizes it’s his big brother, Barley, who’s been looking out for him his entire life. Meeting his dad would betray that reality. What happens instead is that the lovable big brother never actually said goodbye to their dad before he died, because when their dad got sick, said brother ran away from the hospital room in fear of all the life-sustaining equipment. (Is this some meta thing about Chris Pratt and Guardians of the Galaxy? Off topic and call me stupid, but I didn’t realize Chris Pratt plays him until I saw everyone freaking out about it afterward on Tumblr laksjdflak.) So instead, the lovable big brother talks to the dad at the end, and unconfident younger brother grows confidence and thanks big bro for being with him his entire life. It was so touching, dude. I cry. But the moment that sticks in my mind the most was when Ian was crossing the invisible bridge... Ian needed to have confidence in himself to be able to cross over a chasm in their path, and Barley knew that if Ian didn’t believe in himself, he would fall and die. They tie a rope around Ian for good measure, and Barley encourages him the entire way, but halfway over, the rope comes loose and slips off. Barley sees this and starts panicking, but of course continues to encourage Ian so that Ian will get to the other side. What got to me wasn’t the fact that he faked it for Ian, but that there are actual tears running down his face as he’s encouraging Ian to get to the other side, because he knows otherwise Ian wouldn’t have the confidence and would fall to his death. Like dude, that raw, complex emotion in a kid’s movie?! DUDE?! I was fucking surprised. The clear anxiety and grief in Barley’s face as Ian’s totally clueless and even dancing around in the air was just too much, omfg. Of course, then it’s played off for laughs, but... I guess that makes sense for the annoying overconfident nerdy big bro character. :’)

Okay these are way longer than I anticipated and I’m sorry, but also I’m really not. Hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts on my favs!

Seems I don’t talk to that many people on here anymore: @stupidbluejay @mirycactusito @chronicstarlight

Venomous Visibility

As a creator, I always find the subject of representation kind of dubious. With the f*cked up Last of Us II leaks, the continuous misandrist poison leaking into the Star Wars canon from that Kennedy-led Lucasfilm, and the incredibly amazing portrayal of Jill Valentine in the Remake, this sh*t has been on my mind lately. Like, how do you write strong, female, protagonist without falling into that Mary Sue trap? How do you code black without being offensive? How do you write gay without resorting to stereotypes? I don't know how to distinguish a trans or deaf or autistic or native person through text without outright stating these things. Where's the nuance in portraying someone queer without it coming across as pandering? I don’t know if it’s because of my limited experience as a straight black dude who kind of thinks the current trend of eighty-eight genders and personal identifications is kind of ridiculous but i find the attempts studios make to cater to these groups to be adequate as f*ck. Like, Sarah Connor and Ellen Ripley kind of defined feminine bad-ass and they both did it way back in the 80s. Why is there this irreverent need to portray this misandrist energy in modern cinema? Birds of Prey was a fun time but it was way heavy-handed on that “Girl boss” energy and it didn’t have to e. Harley Quinn is already a boss and the Birds kick ass in their own right. Why does that have to be the focus of your narrative instead of actual character development and plot? Especially when you have that Ellen Ripley template? It’s weird to say but it feels like certain groups want those aspects to define the entirety of a character instead of it just being a part of them. I think that mindset is both toxic and does a disservice to the given narrative, unless the narrative, itself, is defined by those aspects.

I'm of the mind that, if you wrote dope characters, that should he enough. Take, for examples, Disney’s newest attempt to represent a queer character in Onward. I’ve never seen the movie, i have severe daddy issues so this hilariously outside of my wheelhouse, but i hear that one of the characters makes a passing reference to their same sex spouse. How is that not good enough? Isn’t that how it is in real life? I don’t see gays running around, shouting about their homo love from the balconies and rooftops. Unless it’s Pride. To add that little tidbit in the middle of a Pixar film, aimed at the notoriously conservative middle America, and not have them trying to burn down city hall is kind of amazing and, in my opinion, very tastefully done. At least it’s better executed than the way Beauty and the Beast did with the LeFou reveal. Like, holy sh*t. Talk about blue-balls. This fervent obsession with representation for representation sake or to push an agenda is absolutely repugnant. You think the character of Rey Skywalker would be enough of a lesson on that poisonous nonsense for everyone, not just Disney. Be it female lead, bisexual heroine, gay protagonist, whatever; If you're character is strong enough to be more than whatever social label cats want to code them with, then the representation is inconsequential. Don’t force something that doesn’t need to be forced.

I’ve seen representation executed beautifully. Euphoria is one of the best shows i’ve seen on television and it deals with a ton of sh*t that most SJWs want to fight about. Zendaya is excellent in this show and so is her trans partner, Hunter Schafer. The way that show is written, you can tell that there is an understanding about that culture, a personal connection to their world. That level of representation is outstanding and i commend the creators for giving us such a rich vision for those characters. That said, the strength of Euphoria is in the characters. Rue makes that show. It’s about her journey and everything after that, is a part of who she is as a character, not the defining aspect of it. That subtlety is how you represent an uniquely ignored demographic. That’s how you handle representation in media for adults. For kids, i think this is a little much. Not many nine-year-olds out there are recovering drug addicts.

I think the best piece of media i’ve ever seen in terms of representation actually came out of Disney years ago and gets criminally slept on to this day. Atlantis: The Lost Empire i easily the most diverse, accessible, and palatable piece of “woke” media, Disney has ever made, and it was never created to be so. Atlantis is a story with a female co-lead of color, who has her own agency, doesn’t really fall into the trap of being “damseled” and ends up being a Queen by the rend of this story. The male co-lead is an anxious, neurotic, nerd with a distinct lack of brawn, who beguiles the antagonists with his intellect. The supporting cast is a mixture of people of color, both of which are dope as sh*t, and various nationalities. I’ve spoken at length about my love for Kidagakash Nedakh, she’d be my favorite Disney Princess if she wasn’t a motherf*cking Queen, but i’d be lying if i didn’t admit Audrey had a near equal place in my heart for her sheer dopenesss. Doc is cool, too. Seriously, how is there no Atlantis world in Kingdom Hearts yet? F*cking Disney, man... For the record, my actual favorite Princess is Rapunzel with Jasmine coming in a close second.

Personally, when I create a character, I describe the way I imagine how they physically appear and let the reader assign whatever else afterwords. If I say a character is female with caramel color skin and lavender hair, it's up to the reader to define the minute details in their mind's eye. Is the Lavender a natural hair color? Is she black? Maybe Hispanic? Could she be native or Indian or something completely different? A lot of people have caramel color skin. Hell, she might just have a tan, I don't know because the way I see the character, is different than whoever reads it. I think that's one of the joys unique to literature, that ability to essentially "customize" a narrative to taste, which only amplifies my inability to reconcile this trend of "representation." A lot of people in the fandom attribute Ahsoka Tano as an LGBTQ character and i think that’s fine. It’s never implicitly stated but i don’t think it really has to be. Ahsoka is a bad ass and she displays all of that effortlessly. If you ant to ascribe a queer connotation to her, fine, but that’s not the part of the character that matters to the overall narrative. It shouldn’t be the one aspect which is harped upon officially. I actually really, really, love Ahsoka so i have a dog in this fight. Not so much about the gay coding, that’s a thing that doesn’t really matter to me, more the fact that she needs deserves more shine in the franchise. Thank you Mando II. Also, Dr. Aphra. I hope they actually give her a show. She’s f*cking awesome and, i think, a legit LGBTQ character. I could be wrong about that though.

If a character can be whatever you want them to be, why does it have to be implicitly stated? How is all of this forced representation and social agenda pushing not disingenuous at that point? How is it not more a hindrance than a strength? Why is it acceptable to have your token marginalized appearance, if it’s forced and detracts from the overall story trying to be told? Is it really okay to just accept such pedestrian pandering for the sake of pandering? Like, i’m not gay. How am i supposed to write a gay character without being an ass about it? The only way i know how is to be direct with it. Direct but subtle about everything. “Strong Female Character” should not be the one aspect of your character driving their development. You don’t need to create a Mary Sue in order to have a compelling female lead. Tifa Lockhart and Norah Price prove that. Your protagonist doesn’t need to be “the big gay” in order to be a bad ass. Ian Ghallagher and Willow Rosenberg prove that. Also, they’re both gingers so, you know, double the suffrage points i guess? You don’t have to write a potato who can do physics in their head, to represent an autistic person. Sherlock Holmes and  Amelie Poulain prove that. I would definitely do what Disney did with Onward in order to represent a character of that type of minority because, to me, as a minority, i don’t believe any singular aspect determine the whole of a character. Race, gender, orientation, religion, and other social identifiers; All of those are just qualifiers to the core of the character you’re creating. They are parts, never a whole. These things are just additions to embellish and enrich, not the definition of who they are, as much as everyone wants it to be. I mean, at the end of the day, how lame is your character if all they are is gay or stronk female? How much of a boner is our story going to be with a protagonist as deep as a puddle because you feel some kind of way about visibility?

Love Me Like You Do (Six)

I’m posting this now just in case I don’t survive EndGame and never want to write again. (am I joking? probably not) 

Also, even though this chapter goes along with CACW, it isn’t as angsty as you’re expecting since its from Rhodey’s POV. And if you missed my earlier note, I decided not to extend the story through IW and EG because I just don’t know if I can handle it. So yay for happily ever afters sooner than we expected!

Oh and another also, this happily ever after is like... the most tooth rotting one I’ve ever written because our boys deserve it so much. 

IRONHUSBANDS MASTERLIST HERE

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(2016)

“Okay for the record?” James puffed through the words as he turned the corner and jogged up the straight-a-way. “This doesn’t count as exercise for you.” 

“My doctor didn’t say exercise.” Tony said blandly, basically floating beside James with his boots and gauntlets up, the pieces keeping him perfectly balanced, perfectly matched in speed, hovering exactly six inches off the ground. “He said fresh air and my god is this alot of fresh air. My nose is starting to freckle. This will be terrible for my complexion.” 

“Your complexion is already terrible.” James retorted. “Weird, reclusive billionaire who spends too much time in a creepy lab with overly friendly robots isn’t a great look.” 

“I resent that.” Tony peered over the edge of today’s over priced and shockingly green sunglasses. “My lab isn’t creepy and my robots aren’t overly friendly. Dum-E is the exact right amount of nosy and U is always around when I need them.” 

“Not gonna argue the weird, reclusive billionaire part?” 

“Nah, why bother?” 

“By the way?” James checked his time and picked up speed, rolling his eyes hard enough to hurt when the repulsors kicked on a little higher so Tony was going faster too. “The doc definitely said you needed exercise. He didn’t want to say it, but I’m not afraid to tell you you’re starting to look a little fluffy around the middle, Tones.” 

“Excuse me?” Entirely offended, Tony swerved over in front of James and glared down at him. “Fluffy? Did you just call me fluffy? What does that mean?”

“It means that your favorite blue vest if starting to strain a little across the middle.” James answered flatly and when Tony squawked in outrage, he added, “But you are filling out your pants just great.” 

“You been lookin’ at the way I fill out my pants, Honeybear?” 

“The way you fill them out lately, I don’t really have a choice in the matter.” 

“Goddammit--” Tony fired up his repulsors and popped James with the lightest hit ever, sending him stumbling back several feet. “Shut the hell up.” 

“Hey.” James stepped up onto one of the boots, knowing it would hold his weight, and hooked his arm around Tony’s neck to pull him in for a sweet kiss. And sure, doing that sort of thing while hovering over the sidewalk was maybe a little weird? But still amazing. 

“What was that for?” Tony blinked at him in surprise, then glanced around self consciously. “Why did you kiss me?” 

“Because I wanted to.” James jumped back down to the ground and grinned up at Tony. “Because we’re doing that sort of thing now, right?” 

“...I...” Tony didn’t blush often, but not even his sunglasses detracted from the red spreading up his face. “I mean, yeah?” 

“God, you’re sweet.” James stepped back up and kissed him again and Tony blushed harder. “Why the hell are you blushing when I kiss you, we’ve kissed before. Been kissing for thirty years now.” 

“I don’t know it just feels...” Tony shrugged and pushed James off his boot. “Go away, I don’t like it.” 

“Yeah okay, you don’t like it.” James scoffed, checked his time and broke back into a jog. “By the way, you  might be getting fluffy but I sure love the way you fit in my arms lately, Tones.” 

“JESUS CHRIST!” Tony yelled after him. “You can’t just say things like that! Rhodey! Come back here!”

James laughed all the way back to the compound. 

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It was never a good thing when Secretary of State Ross showed up unannounced, and the tension in the room was thick enough to cut when he handed over the stack of pages known as the Accords, approved by over a hundred countries with the direction to either “Sign or retire.” 

Not surprisingly, Steve wasn’t about to sign anything without reading it and he picked up the papers immediately. 

More surprisingly, Tony was willing to sign right then and there, adamant that the team needed boundaries, insisting that they could work on amendments later. 

James hadn’t expected to be arguing with Sam of all people about it, and nobody had expected Natasha to side with Tony. Vision had something wise to say as always and Wanda just looked scared and even after Steve had gotten a message and left the room, the argument continued. 

“Am I wrong about this, Rhodey?” Tony asked later, collapsing on to the couch and reaching for James’s hand. “Should I stand with Steve and resist it?” 

“I think Natasha was right.” James shrugged, rubbing his thumb over a scar on Tony’s hand. “If you all agree, it’s one hand on the wheel which still gives you some control. But if you all resist, you’ll be forced into retirement and any move at all will be considered treason, a war crime. They’ll go to jail.” 

“Retirement.” Tony sighed. “That doesn’t sound so terrible, does it?” 

“You thinking about retiring, Tones?” James shifted on the couch and tucked Tony closer to his side. “Hm? Ready to give up the suit and settle down with a couple dogs and a rocking chair?” 

“Maybe.” Tony was watching him carefully, and James waited with raised eyebrows for him to finish. “It would give us a chance to finish this talk we never end up having, right? Would give us time to go back to Vegas and see if--mmph!” 

James leaned over and kissed him, fitting a hand to the back of Tony’s neck to keep him close for a long moment. “Don’t feel like you have to give up Iron Man just so you and I can finally have that talk, just so we can revisit Vegas. We can do that anytime, Tones.” 

“But not really.” Tony pulled away with a frown. “We decided after Pepper that we couldn’t do a relationship and the hero thing. Has to be one or the other.” 

“We’re doing a relationship now.” James pointed out and Tony huffed, “Not really! Not... not officially.” 

“I kiss you whenever I want and tell you I love you every damn day and as long as we’re in the same time zone, we’re sharing a bed.” James argued back. “How is that not a relationship?” 

“It’s just not the one I want.” Tony muttered and James blinked a few times because they-- they hadn’t talked about that yet. 

“Tony--” 

“We have to deal with the Accords first.” Tony decided. “Because those will sort of take the decision out of my hands, right?” 

“....right?” 

“And then we can go to Vegas and talk.” Quieter that time. “Right?” 

“Right.” No question about it, they were overdue for a Vegas trip and a long awaited talk, and James tugged Tony close again for a long, promising kiss. “You’re absolutely right.” 

*****************

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The airport fight was... well to be honest, most of James’s memories of the fight were fuzzy at best, wrapped in a haze of pain that wrapped around his spine and landed somewhere down around his feet, but he wouldn’t really know,  because he couldn’t really feel them.

He remembered fighting a tiny guy who was then suddenly big and literally swinging  gangways through the air trying to knock him out. Wanda was throwing cars in his way and at one point James had had a damn kid hitching a ride on his back and flinging webs to try and take down the big guy. 

Then he was taking off and trying to catch the Quinjet, Sam hot on his heels and Vision had only been trying to help but--

--James had woken up in the hospital, Tony curled up as small as he could be in the bed next to him, tears dried on his face, his fists clenched even in his sleep and when James had automatically tried to pull him closer, had tried to shift to give him more room, that was when he’d realized his legs didn’t work. 

“I could kill him.” Tony said later that day, staring out the window at the rain. “I could kill Sam. Not Sam, Steve. How the hell could Steve tear us apart like this, how could he turn his back on all of us for his friend? How the fuck did I end up fighting against the same people I ate dinner with last Friday?” 

“Tones--” James struggled to sit up, pushed himself up with his arms. “You telling me you wouldn’t take on the UN if it meant bringing me home?” 

“I’d take on the goddamn UN to bring you home.” Tony muttered. “But I wouldn’t drag everyone else into it! This isn’t just Steve who’s now a wanted criminal. Christ, they’ve got Clint and Wanda and Sam locked up in the Raft! And whoever the hell the Ant guy was? Who was that? Why is Steve dragging them into the fight!” 

“You would have been okay with Cap going after his friend all by himself?” James asked skeptically and Tony’s jaw worked in irritation. 

“We’re friends.” he finally said. “He could have asked me to help. He could have asked me and I would have figured out a way to bring Sergeant Barnes back. Signing those fucking Accords would have meant that Barnes could have sanctuary in one of our hospitals and rehab centers. Now? Now there’s talk of executing the Sergeant for his war crimes, POW status be damned. They want to lock Steve in a set of vibranium cuffs and throw him in a hole! Why didn’t he just listen?!” 

“Tony.” James motioned for him and Tony came immediately. “Sweetheart, you know damn well if that was me, or if the situation was reversed and it was you? Neither one of us would think twice before spelling a fuck you to the government and doing what we wanted.” 

“Are you taking Steve’s side?” Tony sputtered. “How the fuck--” 

“I’m saying I understand loving someone enough to not care what I have to do to keep them safe.” James interrupted. “And I think you should remember that when you go looking for Steve.” 

“I’m not going looking for him.” 

“We both know you are, stop stalling and leave already.” James tried to wave him away. “Go on.” 

“I am absolutely not leaving you, Rhodey.” 

“Sure you are.” James tried for a smile but it was more of a grimace. “I can guarantee I will be right here in this bed waiting for you to get back.” 

“We should have retired.” Tony grabbed his jacket and his phone, cursing under his breath. “Could be in a suite in Vegas right now instead of a goddamn hospital, could be fucking naked instead of chasing after Captain Pain in the Ass and his--” 

“Tony.” 

“WHAT!?” 

“Tony.” James worked hard to keep the pain from his voice, the panic from his eyes when he tried to move again and it didn’t work again. “We’ll get there, alright? Vegas will be there when we’re done. I’ve waited this long, what’s another few days? You keep bringing it up like we’re running out of time, but we’re not. Go figure this out and when you come back, we’ll retire. Go to therapy together and buy a dog together and move somewhere that no one would ever want to invade or attack ever, alright?” 

“Yeah?” Tony looked like he was trying not to panic either. “You think you can hold your own against me in retirement? I’m sure to be a menace with nothing destructive to do.” 

“Sweetheart.” James smiled when Tony did. “You come back and get me out of this damn bed and I’ll let you hold my own, huh?” 

******************

******************

Tony never wanted to talk about Siberia, so James never made him. 

He received an electronic file from an unknown number almost seventy two hours later, a small video screen opening on his tablet and playing thirty seconds of the worst video James had ever seen-- a road he was too familiar with, a car he’d snuck out and driven with Tony when Howard was away, a figure on a motorcycle he’d seen only a week previous. 

There was a message-- “Tell Tony I’m sorry I wasn’t there when it all went down, tell him I didn’t know before any of this. I don’t know if he’s heard from S.R. but I’m out here if you need me.” 

It was signed “N.R.” and that was it. 

James dumped the file from his tablet, then smashed the thing into the wall and when Tony came in to see what the noise was, James just shook his head. 

“Let’s try these out then, alright?” Tony made a few last minute adjustments to the braces and stepped away. “Can you stand? I got parallel bars, babe. Try and walk for me.” 

James hurt to his core even if he couldn’t feel any of it in his legs because it took so much effort to just take a damn step. It almost brought tears to his eyes, but he blinked them away because Tony was blinking away tears too and neither one of them was going to break down and cry. 

“Tell me how I can make this better.” Tony was distracting himself with the tech, eyeing every shift of the gears, every movement James made. “Do you want more cushioning? Is it rubbing against your leg weird? Cup holders? Tell me.” 

“Maybe some AC down in my--” James tried to snark but his legs gave out just then and he clattered to the floor. 

“Damn it.” Tony reached to help him but James pushed away stubbornly. “I can do this Tones. Flew a hundred and thirty eight missions, I can walk. Don’t help me.” 

“Fine.” Tony put his hands up. “Stubborn ass.” 

“You mean sexy ass.” James replied and Tony shot him a smile over his shoulder as he went to answer whoever was at the door. 

“Are you Tony Stank?” The delivery driver called through the door, and there on the floor, James laughed harder than he had in weeks. “Tony Stank? That’s you, right?” 

“That’s Tony Stank right there!” James hollered back and Tony groaned out loud. “And thank you for that! I’m never letting that go! Tony Stank!” 

“Don’t sound so excited.” Tony grumped. “It’s not that funny.” 

“It’s literally the funniest thing in the world.” James disagreed seriously. “Because after thirty something goddamn years, I finally have something annoying to call you every time you call me Honeybear.” 

“You love being called Honey bear.” Tony tore open the box and took out a flip phone and a folded note. “Admit it.” 

“I absolutely will not.” 

*********************

********************* (Vegas)

Vegas had a hundred places to be and a thousand places to go and a hundred thousand people packed into all the spaces, and James didn’t want to be anywhere than where he was standing right now. 

“I Honeybear,” he murmured and Tony snorted loud enough that the officiant glanced at him in alarm. “Do promise to take you, Tony Stank--” an even louder snort. “-- to be my lawfully wedded husband. In and out of scrapes and trouble, through all your bullshit shenanigans--” the officiant was starting to look a little alarmed. “--your dangerous inventions, incoherent rambles and weird sleep patterns. I promise to put up with your terrible coping and overspending, with your penchant for ugly ties and love of pictures--” 

“Rhodey!” Tony was full on laughing by now and James grinned back but continued-- 

“I promise to always be there in the morning.” and then softer-- “I’ve loved you since we were just kids at college and it took us a long time to get to Vegas the first time, even longer to get here a second time but we made it, you know?” 

James slid a simple gold band onto Tony’s finger. “And more than all this? I promise that no one-- no one-- will ever love you the way I do, Tones.” 

Tony stared down at the ring on his finger, then up into James’s eyes, and then pitched his index cards right over the side of the railing and threw his arms around James’s neck to kiss him. 

James caught him easily, the gears on his leg braces whirring with the extra weight but holding steady as they hugged and when Tony leaned away, all he could say is-- “How the hell am I supposed to follow those vows? What could I possibly say that would be better than that?” 

“It’s a wedding, not a competition, Tones.” 

“The hell it’s not.” Tony tossed back. “I had every intention of having you in tears with my vows but that’s not going to happen now.” 

“Well, I think the officiant might cry if we don’t get back to it.” James suggested and Tony stepped back reluctantly. “Go on now, say your vows.” 

“I threw my cards over the edge.” Tony was smiling up at him the same way he’d smiled back when they were kids in college and James had agreed to enter the robot contest, the same way he’d smiled the night before graduation when James had finally kissed him back, the same way he’d smiled the last time they were in Vegas and James had thought the shine in Tony’s eyes was prettier than the stars. 

God he loved him. 

“I’ve loved you since I was fifteen.” Tony finally said. “And some days I wish it wouldn't have taken this long to be together. I wish I would have sobered up in college and told you what I wanted, I wish I wouldn’t have pushed you away after graduation and I wish I wouldn’t have wasted time dating all those other people.” 

“Tones...” 

“I wish it wouldnt have taken almost dying for us to actually say something.” Tony continued, touching his chest where only scars sat now. “And I wish I hadn’t had to lose Pepper for you and I to finally take the step forward into something real. I wish alot of things were different, Rhodey, but then again I wouldn't change it at all because somehow, I’ve always had you by my side and now--” Tony slipped a gold band onto James’s finger as well. “now I always will.” 

“Nobody has ever loved me like you do.” he whispered. “And I never want anyone else to even try.” 

***************

Epilogue

***************

“He’s a good kid.” Tony sipped at his coffee and watched Peter do his homework at the table of the compound. “I told him if he wanted this internship he had to work for it, and he hasn’t let a single grade slip or anything.” 

“He is a good kid.” James put an arm around Tony’s waist and kissed his husband good morning. 

“Does he remind you of me at that age?” 

“Oh god no.” James said emphatically. “God no. You were a terrible kid. Literally terrible. Do you see these gray hairs? They grew in the day you moved into my dorm. If Peter is anything like you at that age, I will kick him out of this house myself, I swear.” 

“Rude.” 

“And yet so true.” He stole a drink of Tony’s coffee. “What’s he working on right now?” 

“A robot design.” Tony’s eyes lit up. “He wants me to help with the NASA competition.” 

“Absolutely not. You’ll blow us all half to hell. Nope. No way. I am not letting you two build something for NASA in the same place I sleep. Not you and Disaster Jr. over there.” 

“Fine, we’ll build it outside.” 

“I swear to god, Tony---” 

“Fine fine fine.” Tony pushed him away, smoothing down his own silvering hair. “Spoilsport.”

James caught him back and re-ruffled his hair, laying a solid kiss on Tony’s lips. “Brat.” 

*********************

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