#ok wait I’m digressing here oh god | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boxwinebaddie · 9 months

Text

ok i am salty that i had to cut my favorite flashback out of pep 13 because it was too long already, so if you want it, here is sweet sixth grade stan marsh saves the corner store ( next the world! )

depression tw gun tw ( i think that’s it )

Raj remembered it like it was yesterday.

He was flanked on all sides by broken glass with the brick they’d used to break his store window taunting him at his feet. Dented cans and busted bottles piled around the store, lifeless like bodies…as lifeless as his eyes were when he took the excruciating death march back to the cash register that had been raided by reckless, rabid, rabble rousing high school boys.

…Everything was gone down to the penny…including his wedding band.

The only thing in that heap of shit that had true value to the shopkeeper.

They’d left his drawer untouched. How very kind of them. Where next to a picture of his slaughtered family lay the very thing that slaughtered them. To protect the store. Which was no more. As he held it in his hands, though he wasn’t a particularly funny man, he humored a dark thought as he took off the safety, lifted it to his temple, ready to meet his family and his maker

When…

Ding-Dong!

“CAN’T YOU READ? THE SIGN SAYS WE’RE CLOSE— ”

“Oof. Not very well, unfortunately.”

The voice had admitted sheepishly.

“My teacher said I have to take remedial English next semester…But! Oh! I’m sorry, sir! I had no idea. I was just riding my bike home when I heard a commotion, so I wanted to make sure that everything was alrig—“

Gulp.

Raj had frozen in fear because a pair of…alarmingly large eyes the color of sapphires were staring down the barrel of his gun. The preteen had dark hair and a small white scar just above his left eyebrow. He was wearing a boy scout uniform and a little green bracelet that had been woven with great skill and gentle care…one that…Raj feared he’d have to be b u r i e d with.

The strange boy opened his mouth slowly.

And for a second, he was a little worried the kid might scream and the cops would come running. After all, a middle aged, brown shopkeeper holding…a defenseless, mostly white he presumed, the kid was kind of racially ambiguous, middle school boy…at gunpoint wasn’t the best look.

…But he just sighed in relief, looking totally elated.

“W h e w! Thank god. You know, I was totally going to flunk my math test tomorrow.”

Raj was dumbstruck.

What…the fuck? Was this kid forreal? If he was then he wasn’t very good at school or pleading for his life, evidently.

“ — But, uh, ‘scuse me, Mister? I don’t mean to be inconvenient or anything; I’m not really sure how these things work or if you get one phone call like when they put you in jail…But would you mind waiting a second so I can call my mom?”

I don’t mean to be…inconvenient? He raised an eyebrow in disbelief. The boy digressed.

“This isn’t one of those ‘You let me call my Mom, but I actually call the police’ type of things, I swear. I’m a Boy Scout and Boy Scouts never lie!” He pointed to his sash with a big, proud grin.

“It’s just…It’s Lasagna Night, sir, and if she knows I won’t be there, she won’t have to make the meatless one with the vegan cheese in it that she makes special just for me. It’ll…It’ll save her a lot of time and trouble. Please?”

Then the kid shot the shopkeeper with a fake, nervous finger gun, which was a very stupid thing to do when someone was pointing a very real, loaded gun at you, but his humility and candidness had completely disarmed the man with the firearm.

Figuratively and Literally.

— Because Raj had stopped pointing the gun at Stan — he had, however, started sobbing hideously and piteously into his sleeve, to which most people would get uncomfortable or start to freak out, unsure of how to navigate such a strange, sullen and…snotty human emotion. But Not Stan. No. Never Stan. Who had thrown a hand over his shirt pocket in faux surprise and breezed a beautiful, pleasant laugh which was closely followed by the comic relief went with saying,

“Oh man, I always knew I was ugly, but I didn’t know I was t h a t ugly!”

Shortly after, Raj wordlessly watched as out of the goodness of his heart, the strange child knelt down on the dirty, dusty floor of the store and started picking up huge shards of glass…

…with his bare hands.

“Here, I’ll help you. Trust me, this is nothing.” He lowered his voice, wincing.

“You should see my room.”

To which Stan started helping the older man spruce up his store, setting things back on shelves, sweeping, singing along to songs that he put on his Spotify playlist…until the place was spotless.

Devraj Vishwakumar could tell exactly what type of person Stanley Marsh was by the things he had placed on the hard plastic check out counter.

A bag of treats for his dog, Sparky,

A pack of cigarillos for his father ( Stan had told Raj that he personally didn’t endorse smoking or anything that harmed human beings or the planet, but he had also said he didn’t really have a choice in the matter and didn’t breathe a word more about it after that ),

— A large bag of sour gummy worms, a medium sized Fresa and a small bag of Chewy Chips Ahoy cookies for his very dear, but ‘annoying’ ‘super’ ( genius ) best friend who had diabetes but was too stubborn to monitor his sugar intake,

A Home and Garden magazine for the little old lady who lived down the street, but had a hard time walking to the store on account of her multiple sclerosis,

And two bouquets of flowers, one of which was for his mother, who he loved very much.

In assessing the amalgamation of things on the counter, Raj’s brow furrowed. For His Mysterious, Middle School Boy Scout Benefactor had bought something for everyone

…everyone but himself.

He’d remembered asking the helpful preteen if he wanted to get himself anything at all from the store and that if he did, of course, it was on the house like everything else was for saving the shop and his life, but Stan simply shook his head, shrugging earnestly and effervescently.

“Getting stuff for other people makes me happy. Buying stuff for myself makes me feel ‘weird’ and really, I have everything I could possibly want! I live in a nice house. I have a family who have their ups and downs, but at the end of the day, are mine. I have lots of friends who, for the most part, care a lot about me, even if some of them have a funny way of showing it.”

“I…I live a good life, sir. What more could I possibly need?”

He’d proclaimed with the biggest smile on his face, but if one listened closely, there was the smallest hitch in his lovely, singsong voice, a note of sad, stinging pain that he hadn’t quite swallowed back in time, trapped behind his teeth. See, the boy with the big, kind, sky blue eyes hadn’t bought anything that day because he wanted something that Raj couldn’t sell him.

Stanley Marsh wanted desperately to be happy.

And unfortunately, money could not buy happiness.

Attempting to change the subject, the shopkeeper had asked if the other bouquet was for the boy’s girlfriend, to which Stan had cringed visibly, looking a little embarrassed. “She broke up with me a couple days ago..”

“I guess it was our anniversary. I forgot…Not my brightest and shiniest moment as a boyfriend. And don’t get me wrong, she’s totally the best and I miss her to death already…but Mister, you reeeeally gotta give her a cool down period before you try barking up that tree again. Trust me.”

Now, while forgetting you and your girlfriend’s anniversary, the store keeper reasoned, would have been a very compelling reason for anyone else’s girlfriend to break up with them, Stan had explained offhandedly to Raj that he and his ex-girlfriend, soon to be current girlfriend again, Wendy Testaburger had broken up over twelve times since they were eight, so the date of their anniversary changed almost every year. It was getting hard for him to keep track. Poor kid.

The second bouquet, Stan had clarified, was not for someone who was special in Stan’s life, but for someone who was special in the life of the convenience store clerk.

“For your wife.” Stan’d said with a flash of white teeth. Raj shook his head. “Your husband?” He offered. No such luck. “Your boyfriend? Girlfriend?” His smile faltered at the uncomfortable silence. “Children?” The silence deepened and deafened. But Stan filled it. He held the bouquet out to the disgruntled man with a goofy grin. “For you, then.” He winked and Raj laughed.

The stony-eyed shopkeeper was not a man who usually opened up, but he felt safe with the young stranger, whose kind and wholesome spirit reminded him so much of his lost son.

Speaking of…

“I lost everything. All I have is the store.” He admitted morosely. “Other than that I have nothing. I have nobody.”

To which Stan held his palm up as if to say ‘hold on a second’, before he had zipped! over to the freezer section and slapped something down on the counter enthusiastically. He gaped unwittingly at the old man, hand on his hip, like he was being totally unreasonable. It was so theatrical and cartoonish due to the dilation of the boy’s eyes that it was almost comical to Raj.

“That’s so not true!” He protested playfully. “You have me…”

Stan gestured to the item he had placed on the counter with a dramatic flourish.

“...And Ben and Jerry. See, that’s three people!”

Ice Cream.

Stan had placed a tub of ice cream on the corner store counter.

Now, Stan didn’t really like sweet things — he was sweet enough as it was — but he’d always made an exception for p e p p e r m i n t which cooled his mouth down, but also made him feel like he was breathing fire.

Mint chocolate chip was his favorite because it made his lips tingle and always numbed the pain. It was also his favorite color. Green. Like his super best friend’s eyes. And just as outwardly cold, but internally comforting.

With that in mind, he’d offered a kind, listening ear to Devraj, who owned the corner store and several secret solitary sadnesses — as well as a slightly bent, kind of sticky, plastic Taco Bell spork so he could eat his feelings. It was pretty gross, but terribly touching.

His unlikely boy-hero had thoughtfully and patiently attended to Raj as he relayed his tale of woe. His humble beginnings in India, his opportunistic trip to America which had soured when tragedy struck and his wife Jiya and his son Kiran, who was about Stan’s age, were violently murdered in a robbery just days before Raj had pooled the store’s entire savings into buying their plane tickets. He’d told Stan the shop had fallen into debt…and now victim to thieves…but that he was very relieved and grateful that Stan had stumbled upon his store and saved the day.

That, again, speaking of, the man had ended by saying…

“Hey kid, I didn’t catch your name.”

The ‘kid’ in question perked up, laughing a little.

He’d told Raj he could be pretty forgetful sometimes.

“Oh! It’s Stan. Stan Marsh. Well, Stanley, I guess, if you’re feeling formal, which, please don’t. You’ll make me nervous! Haha. Uh, Marsh, comma, Stanley when we're taking attendance or if you’re super fucking — sorry — super freaking OCD like Kyle Pile is. Stanley Randall William Marsh on my birth certificate or if my mom is really mad at me — I’m super late, so that's what the flowers are for — but my Dad is kind of a tool, so if it were my choice, I’d be Stanley William Nakumura Kimble which is my grandpa’s first name, Sobo Mimi’s maiden name, that’s my grandmother, and my Mom’s maiden name,

But…Just Stan to my friends.”

“You can call me S t a n.”

He’d raised a fist up for Raj to bump.

“But wait! Before I go: I want to give you something.”

Raj squinted as he spoke.

“There’s this thing my super best friend and I always tell each other when we're feeling low and life isn’t going the way we want it to. It always helps me feel better when I’m feeling sad and, well, I—I thought it might help you too.”

The boy’s voice was whimsical and wonderful.

“From all the pain you that you feel,

All the suffering you have endured,

And all the hardship you will face in this lifetime and the next…

Past, Present or Future.

Mr. Vishwakumar,

I hope you h e a l.”

With that, the selfless and kindhearted boy had done something quite unexpected. He’d reached across the counter and wrapped the troubled old man running the store in a gentle, but tender embrace, then drew a small, thoughtful heart on the back of his shoulder blade with his finger.

That was ‘Stan’.

However…This was surely NOT the thoughtful boy, the prize of their neighborhood, who had come in the very next day beaming bright as he returned Raj’s stolen ring. That day the man manning the helm of the corner store had cautiously asked him if he had done something bad to get it back to which Stan had told him that he’d just threatened to tell the high schooler’s moms and they fessed up to everything. He hadn’t even lifted a finger. He was into nonviolence.

He’d said:

“I’ve found that when you speak softly people have to listen closer to what you’re saying plus…” He winked. “I hate yelling, don’t you?”

This could not be the same boy who had pawned his PS3 to get Raj’s ring out of the pawn shop then started a GoFundMe and school wide fundraiser to ‘Save the Corner Store’...which he did in fact, save the store…twice. And every single day he came through that door.

He was Raj’s saving grace.

That was the sweet, soft, special Stanley Marsh…who was like a son to him.

But the boy behind the counter was a stranger.

#flashback #I LOVED THIS FLASHBACK I WAS MAD #ALSO STAN IS SO CUTE AND SO UNSERIOUS WITH HIS LIFE HES MY ANGEL BOY #LIKE GENUINELY SO KIND AND GOOD SORRY I KEEP NERFING U BABY

11 notes · View notes

katnissgirlsmakedo · 5 days

Note

fuckass book u say… what goes on…

hii abby i don’t even think you’ve been here to know what book i’m even talking about so i’m imagining you seeing that vague ass post and being like hm wonder what book beth read… only for me to tell you it was just call me by your name, known movie nobody on tumblr likes other than me <3 and i understand that no one here likes timmy due to the overexposure or whatever but you’re all really missing out because he really is that good. sorry i know this is the hates popular opinions website but sometimes an opinion is popular because it’s just right idk man….

ANYWAY. so we loved the book… well ok loved is a strong word. we had a fun yet tense time with the book… as we all know i like the movie a lot (clearly enough to put it in the timeless video twice never forget… and i stand by it i’d do it again and more) anyway so i am a big supporter of not getting to have real concrete opinions on things you haven’t seen/read/heard whatever. so my ass READ the text!!!! and i’m going to get into the adaptation process with helena’s ask later which none of you have seen but like. well it’s in my inbox and i’m going to talk so much about it i <3 discussing the adaptation process! i digress. the book was really good elio is SUCH a fucking freak to read about i adored him… he is literally like if nick carroway was alina starkov. he is utterly insufferable and also obsessed with that man. but in a way that is so teenage girl bipolar… the entire beginning he’s like UGH oliver is the WORST man on planet earth and he HATES me and i HATE him and somehow i’m still HORNY about it but he’s AWFUL and MEAN. and then he’s like oh wait actually i realized he’s just shy lol omg he’s just like meeeeeee fr!!!! it was crazy. And he really had me there for a minute i was like damn oliver sounds like he sucks remind me why this is a love story?…. i was like andré what are we doing… of course ultimately what he was doing was taking the reader into the character’s mind so we could experience the worst of what elio felt as well as the best. which was crazyyyyy you had to be there!! not that i’m recommending this book. well maybe i am. idk it’s hard to say. abby you’d probably like it actually i think you’d respect elio’s ever present horniness and loser energy about it. that was meant to sound friendly and loving i didn’t mean to insinuate that you’re a horny loser… but well i mean. um love you 😁🩷

i think overall i liked the writing and the only major things against it are that well. andré is still a man and as we know i rarely fuck with male authors. feels like every time i give a man a chance he lets me down and frankly. it happened again :/ must every fictional character going through a sexuality crisis get misogynistic with it? to be fair it wasn’t THAT bad i just didn’t like what he was doing with the female characters. it felt very like. you know how men just don’t see women as human beings? yeah. which is crazy because i looked it up and andré aciman has a wife. girl you HAVE to leave him i’m sorry but you need to there’s no way he’s the best you could do dear god… i understand that an author making certain characters less in a narrative doesn’t necessarily reflect how they feel about an entire group of people in real life. but i mean. i fear i just have very little faith in men. ALSO he wrote a sequel to this book. which first of all, call me by your name was published in 2007. and it’s sequel wasn’t even planned to be written until 2018. you’ll note that the film came out in 2017. capitalist ass…. anyway i read the plot summary of the sequel and it gave very Hates Women so. i’m sticking with what i feel. it also gave fanfiction a little ngl. it also made me hate elio’s dad more than i already did, which has always been a fair amount. but we mustn’t get into all that we don’t have the time. btw you’re not supposed to hate elio’s dad he’s supposed to be the jennifer garner love simon of this story. but i don’t like him and i never have even in the movie… but i do like him a bit more in the movie i’m mostly ambivalent about him in there but in the book i really didn’t care for him much. it’s not really hate so much as just dislike. but it’s enough to be worth noting!!

but i think the strongest thing about the book that really made it good was that it wasn’t so much a “love story” as it was one character’s reflection on intimacy in his life. a narrative being a Romance sort of posits that there are two characters of equal importance, but this is really just elio’s narrative and oliver exists only as an extension of elio. especially when you consider that the core part of their dynamic is that they’re so similar the edges between them blur. in a way you could read it entirely as a story about self respect and self love

but i digress. very jumbled ass post but what do you want from me you sent me a vague statement/question…..

#asks

6 notes · View notes

soaringeag1e · 7 months

Note

So Meg, I’m back 😂 and here are my chapter by chapter thoughts as I’m reading the chapters I have missed. Sit down because it’s long 😂😂 and I apologise in advance it’s a bit scattered 😂

61 oh no poor reader. But I’m glad Dean is there for her and support her 🥺

62 omg when I saw the warnings I was like Dean and the reader are going to get in this massive fight and they are going to be mad at each other and I’m not reading for it and wow they are even a better couple than I had imagined 😂😂 they are just so perfect. Could you find me a Dean please? I need one 😂 and I love the support system they both have. Your writing is soooo good!!

63 even though they didn’t get tuxes, we are soooo close to the wedding!!! I am so excited!!!! It’s sad that Dean had to go to the station but Sam being there for the wedding dress is just too cute and I loved the dress shopping. It’s just so normal and exciting

64 ok, domestic Dean is just the cutest and the best and I can’t believe we saw more of that on the show (not with a girlfriend necessarily but just doing normal stuff in the bunker. Anyways I’m digressing 😂). I am right at the moment when Bobby saw the tape and you are horrible to cut it there!

OMG I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT HOW COULD YOU MEG??!! Why couldn’t they just have a nice meal and evening?? Why did you have to ruin it!!!! 😭😭 That is literally the worst ending for a chapter and thank god I don’t need to wait a week to read the next one!! You better make it up! 😂

65 excuse me Meg but how dare you put so much suspense and anxiety in one chapter? Are you trying to kill me??!! The reader and now Dean are in the hands of this killer??!! I need more info NOW!! (And I will have them because I’m going to read the next chapter 😂)

66 I knew it!!! He has been shady the whole time! How didn’t anybody suspect him??!! Omg he is just sick. He’s absolutely crazy. I don’t think I’ve ever despised somebody in a written series as much as him.

How did it get so bad in the span of a few chapters?? 😂 omg Meg. First of all, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, your writing is exceptional. I’m really immersed in the story every time and I can’t let go of the chapters and this story. Second, how could you??!! It was all going well and now, we don’t know where the reader is going with the son of a bitch, Dean is bleeding in a barn, and the police is nowhere in sight 😭😭😭 I think you are trying to give us a heart attack. Third, I hope the next chapter is coming out soon because I need them both alive and having their wedding and to put this behind them. I’m too invested now!

After this massive rant, I can’t wait to read the next chapters and see how this will end - hopefully with a happy ending I’m watching you

I hope you are doing well and sending you lots of love xx Mel

Oh, my amazing, Mel! Your timing is impeccable, my love. Seriously, you have no idea how bad I needed this smile today.

All your reviews....

1} If we could each find a Dean for each other, that would be great! I'll keep a lookout, but you need to keep a lookout for me too!

2} I'm glad you liked having Sam at the dress shopping. I thought it'd be cute, especially considering they have been friends for a while.

3} I also love domestic Dean. I think a lot of us do and that's why we get to live that fantasy life through our fics. We get to give him the life he deserves.

4} You know I love my cliff hangers {Evil laughter}

5} Of course I had to have this cute, lovey dovey moment and make everyone think that it was all going to be ok! Hahaha

Sadly, I'm afraid that you saw the last of the fluff when Dean called her at his car. I seemed to get pretty wordy and the entire thing that unravels now seemed to go on for a bit longer than I expected, so....more angst is ahead.

I don't know how you do it, but you always, ALWAYS bring a smile to my face and you make me feel like I could actually fulfill my dream someday and publish a book, or more. Even with all the sweet words and praises it's hard to believe your own stuff, you know.

Eventually, though. I will hold a hard copy of my work in my hands.

I'm glad you're home safe and I hope you had an amazing Holiday! But I am definitely {selfishly} glad you're back haha You're the best, Mel XOXOXO

#Meg loves Mel #Made my week #SPNFamily

2 notes · View notes

xiaq · 3 years

Note

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

#purity culture #sex talk #christianity #sex and relationships #sex and religion #mylife #answered asks #aspec #cw sex

465 notes · View notes

artigooduwu · 3 years

Text

Here is a little thing I have been writing!!!

Hope you enjoy it <3

♡︎𝚂𝙻𝙸𝙼𝙴𝙲𝙸𝙲𝙻𝙴 𝚇 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙴𝚁♡︎

Implied female reader

TW: digression, spit kink, breading kink, pet names

Nsfw CHILDREN PLEASE JUST GO!!! I was you at one point and now I’m trash 🗑

You and charlie have been together for a few months now and in all honesty you ruined him. He was so cute and unknowing would tease you small touches that lasted a little to long, hugs when his hands would move a little to far down, long glances that made you feel needy. You just ruined him after you showed him what you wanted no… what you needed and what he needed without knowing. You showed him so much you ruined him but never let him lead and he was tired of it. When you were in Las nevadas talking with some people in a casino he just came up to you and said he needed you for something, and now your here in your expensive room with Charlie pinning you to the wall looking at your body as if you could break any second.

“Charlie please I don’t understand where this is coming from!” You said but your words failed to come out as more than a small squick. “Hmm? What’s that hun? Did you need something” you felt the pet name go straight to your core he knew you liked his pet names for you but you didn’t expect his voice to go darker. “Charlie please just do something stop just looking at me and touch me!” Charlie just looked at you and smiled a smile you never expected it was dark and his eyes were closed.

Charlie just smiled until you tried to wiggle out of his grasp “oh hun you don’t think that will work now do you?” You felt so needy and you didn’t have the power to do anything so you just whimpered until he spoke again “now if you want something you better say it and be sure to be clear ok?“ you just nodded your head quickly “CHARLIE PLEASE I NEED YOU! I need you so bad right now I need you to touch me!” And as your mouth closed you were pushed to the bed hand over your head skirt pushed up and Charlie between your thighs.

“So you want me to take control now? Even after months of you never letting me do anything? Hmm I might as well enjoy this then” he pushed your panties to the side and putting your legs over his shoulders and webs straight in. He worked wonders on your clit you thought you were dreaming. He started to go harder and faster with your clit you were so close “ch- AH IH GOD Charlie I’m so close please!” And right before you came undone he left and you cried a little.

After you had calmed down he went right back at it and you were holding him there with your thighs. He loved being between your thighs though so he had no complaints because they were so soft and warm. And after another denied orgasm he left hickeys all on your inner thighs. Well no short skirts, dresses, or even shorts for now. He left you a mess you were frustrated and needy but he didn’t care he wanted more he wanted to thank you for loving him because without you he wouldn’t be here today as who he is.

You looked up at him undoing his belt and taking his pants off. You knew he was big like bigger than you thought he was a good 8 or 9 inches so yeah big. He looked at you and let go of your wrist. “Now come here hun and ride me” you quickly go to him and position yourself above his member. Right before you went down he told you something “now hun remember to call me sir” and with that you went down you went really ready for him inside you but god you loved the pain of him stretching you out to the point you were sobbing because of it.

He held your hand and softly kissed you and soon he was all in and you were still crying and pleading for the pain to stop but really you didn’t want it to. He made you feel so small and loved he was very tall over 6 feet actually and you only bring 5’4 made it a big difference. His hand held your hip and when you were calm enough you went up and back down and of did it feel good. “Oh is my little slut having a good time already? Just you wait for later” and with that you were turned on and nervous.

You kept going and he put his hand around your neck putting slight pressure to the sides. He opened your mouth and mad you look up at him and you knew what was about to happen and it made you shiver. “Take this and swallow it” and with that he spat in your mouth and you swallowed without hesitation. You were getting a little week from chasing your high and he could tell so he started slamming his hips into yours his grip on your hips helping to keep you in place. You were already fucked out of your mind you couldn’t speak so you just came. And he stopped pulling out and starting a warm bath.

You thought it was over but you were wrong because before you could even speak he slammed back into you and went at it “Your got give me another one before we take this to the bath” and because of the overstimulation it didn’t take long and Charlie? He was still as hard as a rock. “SIR PLEASE PLEASE TAKE ME AND USE ME UNTIL YOUR HAPPY!” You scared good thing this room was sound proof now wasn’t it. He just smiled and took you to the bathroom and put you in the tub.

There were bubbles and candles and the lights were off so only the candles were on. He finished talking his clothes of before getting in with you and holding you to his chest and then pushing into you after getting situated. He wasn’t very loud during sex but he let out noises, commands, and small praises so you knew you were doing good and you came again. He then switched positions again. You laying in the water and Charlie in between them pounding into you as if the world was going to end soon. He still hasn’t cum and you had already about 5 times and he still didn’t! It was your 6th climax and god was it good then the shower came on and the room got steamy.

Charlie took you there again your hands being held behind you as your face was pushed agist the glass of the shower. Screaming and crying from the pleasure he gave to you and he mad you cum until you couldn’t anymore he took you back out still being hard and having you around him. He then grabbed your thighs and pounded into you until he was ready “oh hun I’m going to make sure none of my cum leaks out of you I’m going to make sure you take all of it!” He whispered in your ear as if someone could here him and right after you he came in you and god did he cum a lot.

Charlie is half slime and that affected him in a way you loved he could last for so many rounds and when he came he basically came 5 times In you. Once he was done he pulled out seeing his green cum slightly leak out and putting it back in with his fingers. “Charlie please no to much!” You begged but he didn’t listen he was going to make you come all night and probably for all of tomorrow so you better not have anything planned for tomorrow.

#slimecicle #smilecicle smut #slimecicle x reader #mcyt #mcyt smut #mcyt x reader smut #breading kink #spit kink

300 notes · View notes

styx1an · 3 years

Text

A Chat about Chat

A short fic about how Chat came to be a singular being, written by yours truly. By all means, this isn’t canon, it’s just my interpretation of things.

Word count: 1,863

Fandom: RTGame, Miitopia (NGL I’m a little displeased with how I wrote the ending, but oh well!)

You know, there is this odd sense of irony in knowing how terrified Chat was of Magical John when they aren’t even human nor a singular being in the first place. Wait, so you didn’t know? Of how they became such a being in the first place? (They chuckle.) Then I suppose that means I’ll have to tell you their story. Well then, shall we begin the tale of Chat? (You see the twinkle in their eyes. They must’ve been waiting a while to be able to do this.)

> You nod. You’ve been waiting a while to understand Chat’s origins. Tonight, like many others, belongs to the storyteller.

> You shake your head. No thanks, you think you’re too tired. Dawn shall rise anew soon, and you will not waste your time with tall tales.

(They nod, pleased with your decision.) Then I shall begin to relay their tale.

Our tale begins in the vast lands known as Twitch, a domain that belongs to another, a far crueler being whose tale is for another time. It is a place where one is free to express their opinions and whatnot (as long as it suits the many whims of its Amazonian overlords, of course), and many are versed in the easy to learn, but difficult to master art of gaming. Many such masters have gained a large following, and even if they do not possess such skill, more often than not their humor and charisma paves the way to fame.

One example of the latter would be RTGame, a man of sizable repute. Aside from the frankly ridiculous story of the origin of his moniker, he is also known for doing some… questionable things for the sake of entertainment. There are still tales of his quest in the bathtub along with Gilbert (yes, the very same Gilbert on the quest to defeat The Darker Lord Khadgar!), the night of the Painted Wall’s Communion, the birth of Mr. Compost- But my dear, we are here for one of his lesser-known exploits, one that would change the world as we know it.

> You lean closer to the campfire, watching the storyteller with a renewed interest. Where does the tale lead? Where does it end? You need to know.

> It’s getting even later. You think some rest will be needed before tomorrow’s travels begin. Perhaps the rest of the story can wait another time?

It was a dark and stormy night. The then-Dark Lord Von Karma had just been unleashed upon the land, and I Want Die set along the path of salvation with his fellow party members, Mr. Bean the Warrior, Goofy the Thief, and Mint the Horse. He was pleased with the ease with which they vanquished monsters and saved (literal) faces, but the lack of actual conversation within the party had begun to get to him. Mr. Bean had nothing to offer other than a simple “Bean!” every now and then, and Goofy terrified him with all the “hyuck!” and talks of absolving the world’s many sins. Mint is a horse and therefore cannot participate in a verbal conversation unless you happen to understand what her neighs meant. She also happens to be the most normal member of the party, strangely enough.

Either way, I Want Die longed for a proper conversation.

And God took notice.

It was inevitable. The fourth party member was always going to join, whether he wanted one or not. It shouldn’t be notable in any way whatsoever, yet here I am regaling this tale to you.

It is not how Chat had come to join the party that I wanted to explain, but rather how they came to be.

Do you remember the man I had called RTGame? I hope you had not thought of him as irrelevant to our tale, as he is the patron saint of I Want Die’s adventures. Surely you know of the vast armory that belongs to the party? The various delicacies fed to the team? All his work. Along with his followers’ contributions, of course.

Chat was what he called his followers, the ones who watched his various endeavors as he traveled across the land of Twitch. Oftentimes the crowd would conversate with him (hence their name), offering jokes and sardonic commentary whenever he did anything remotely comedic. Other times, RT would have to tell them off for being such a rowdy bunch- the usual group of thousands could never keep quiet for long.

It happened that Chat witnessed I Want Die’s pilgrimage along with RTGame. They all looked upon him with a jolly sense of humor (after all, their master is well-versed in the art of comedy), some wondering where his travels will bring him. The others who knew how it would all end kept silent at the behest of RTGame. Either way, every single one of them was enjoying the show he had put on for them.

And came the time to summon the fourth member.

As per usual, RTGame withdrew into his workshop, closing the curtains around him so no curious onlooker could see inside. But that did not stop Chat from yelling their predictions and demands.

“EDGEWORTH” one cried.

Another begged for a certain “End Mii!”

“CHAT CALM DOWN!”

“!uptime”

“69420toesucker just subscribed for 5 months!”

“TURG”

RTGame smiled at them. He wasn’t surprised at all at their reactions, rather it was something he had hoped would happen.

“Alright then Chat,” he said, “here they are!”

His pale, thin hands reached out to open the curtains-

And unveiled a faceless, empty husk of a being.

Under any other circumstances, Chat would’ve rioted, demanded justice against the irony of sending a faceless doll to retrieve the faces of others. But they had no time.

Almost in an instant, the skies darkened. Clouds swirled up above with vibrant shades of violet, cobalt, magenta. Bright blue lightning strikes a tree and dissolves it into dust. Somewhere distant, something roars. The air feels thick- something magical, something electric is positively buzzing. Magic truly is in the air.

And thunder strikes once again.

The crowd is gone.

Silence fell. All that is left is the master and the doll, no longer an empty husk.

> You look up to the storyteller, their eyes reflecting the blazing flames. You have a feeling that you know how this ends, but you’d rather have them confirm it first.

> You’re sleepy. As tempting as it is to continue listening to their story, you must admit that the very idea of slumber is even more tantalizing.

RTGame had managed to do exactly what he wanted. Chat’s consciousness, placed inside of a single, physical being. A puppet controlled by a hivemind would not be very easy to control, yes. But the idea intrigued him. And wouldn’t it be better than having a large gaggle of people constantly behind him, watching his every move? It could help I Want Die on his journey too.

So it is settled. It happened that one of the members of his temple had just crafted a rather nice puppet, in case RT needed one. And he did come to use it. It does look a little plain, as both body and head are painted in the same shade of bright white. However, the face was not white like how it was in the beginning, but a disturbingly pitch-black space. No, that’s not the right word.

Rather, it was like a void had formed. That’s also not the right phrase to describe it either, as there were drops of ichor dripping down onto the ground, dissolving the once green grass. But I digress.

Chat broke the silence that had fallen between them, wailing as a cacophony of noises and emotions spilled out. Despite what RT had done to them, they were still determined to voice their opinions. Quite in character, really.

“RT WHAT”

“NO NO NO”

“!uptime”

“I'M ON TV!!!”

“bazingabanana just gifted 5 subs!”

“that’s kinda meta”

As their voices grew louder, ichor kept pouring out of the void. As expected, RT thought to himself. He still needs to act fast. So with a quick snap, he fastened a wooden mask the temple-goer made; the same shade of white, a pair of beady black eyes almost as dark and soulless as the void, bright purple ears.

The yelling and complaining didn’t stop of course. Still, as their voices were muffled by the mask, it was an arguably better experience than the previous ear-splitting wails. And it was less deadly too. Ichor had stopped dripping down onto the grass, which meant that the constant sizzling would finally stop.

Now, one last thing.

RT stared into Chat’s eyes.

This in itself wouldn’t have been quite a remarkable action had it been anyone else, but it’s Chat that we are talking about. The very sensation of doing something as simple as gazing into a hivemind’s many souls wasn’t anything ordinary, either.

It felt like you had just plunged one of your hands into ice-cold water in the middle of winter and not only are you freezing, you’re scared and you don’t know whether you’d come out in one piece.

They all stared back. Thousands and thousands looked upon RT, all different yet whispering the same things, each claiming to be an individual yet virtually nothing distinctive belongs to them. A true hivemind. It’s exactly what he wanted, but he wondered if perhaps other troubles would arise.

He let himself go from their gazes. It asks too much of him.

“Alright then, Chat. Ready?”

A gaggle of voices reply, sounding their agreements.

“OK then!”

I Want Die finally opened the inn door, after convincing himself that he’d like this new friend. That this one would be neither an anime villain, a comedy star or a horse. Someone with actual rational thoughts and words to speak.

In front of the door stood a short figure, clad in a purple mage’s robes. Their pitch-black eyes looked at I Want Die, and a chorus of voices came from their permanent smile:

“Hi, I’m Chat!”

And I Want Die wondered if he had forgotten to cross off ‘hivemind’ off his list of potential party members.

Chat’s introduction ends here, of course. But not their tale. The journey was far from over in fact. The party had yet to meet the Royal Court, witnessed the court’s love affair, or get kidnapped by the Dark Lord Von Karma. Even the party wasn’t complete, as it was only the first party I Want Die would encounter in his tale of redemption.

And it’s not the only story either. You haven’t heard of Magical John’s past life, or how Cupcake isn’t as pure as she seems. Gilbert’s fear of the kitchen. How Jefferson came to be, and Obama’s past life with Mr. Bean.

But I’m afraid I must stop here, for it is late already, is it not? Our journey must continue tomorrow. Let us rest. Goodnight, may the stars shine for you. (They head off into their tent, leaving you alone with the flickering embers of a dying fire.)

> You bid the storyteller goodnight. Perhaps they’ll tell you another one of their stories, underneath the moonlight once more.

#rtgame #magical john #well i wrote! dont like how the latter half was written but ok #miitopia #writing #rtgamecrowd

114 notes · View notes

sparring-hyena · 3 years

Note

Ok i got a request . Remember how Chris Kait and James got those special 1 chapter episodes where they go on special dates. It would be cool to see Beccas. So its set after Book 3. Instead of going to the festival with the gang Mc decides to visit Becca first at her lakehouse and then they go to the festival just her and Becca. They ll share lots of sweet moments at the pool more fun at the concert and later on at home things can get a bit heated.

Becca reaches for her phone with the intent to scroll through her social feeds. really, she does. opening her messaging app is a reflex. opening the short text thread she has with Alex is just an accident. and typing out a hey, what’re you up to? is… a mistake? some kind of predetermined notion written into the fabric of reality?

whatever. it doesn’t matter what it is. no, what matters is that she does, send a text to Alex that is, and that she tosses her phone to the other side of couch as soon as she hits send, almost like it burns her hands.

she stares at her phone, waits for it to react to what she just did—maybe it’ll implode. she’s almost surprised when her phone buzzes a few minutes later. and she’ll never admit to just how fast she jumps forward to snatch it up.

it’s Alex. Alex responded. okay. cool cool cool.

my friends and i are on a road trip. we’ve just passed into California. you?

the you? twists itself into Becca’s mind. slips into every nook and cranny until it’s she can think and feel, and her heart is going ba-dum ba-dum and she definitely can’t just say oh, not much. just by myself at my dad’s lake house because he’s trying to buy my love now that my parents are getting divorced. except she does say that. word for word. it tumbles from her mind onto her phone and then she hits send and holds her breath in her throat as she waits for Alex’s response.

want some company then?

and what really surprised Becca is that she answers with yes.

in the days leading up to Alex’s arrival she cleans. not that there’s much to clean—the house is big, and she’s kept to one small part of it. she also rifles through her closet and decides, an hour before Alex is due to arrive, that she doesn’t have anything to wear. the clothes laying forgotten on her bed disagree, but she ignores that and feels the anxiety twist itself around her.

and then her phone buzzes and there’s a knock at the door. Alex is here. Alex is early.

shit.

she tosses on the first thing she can grab and runs her hands through her hair before darting down to the front door.

when Becca opens the door, Alex greets her with a warm smile that simultaneously calms and frightens. frightens, because how does her smile have such an effect on me. they stand awkwardly in the doorway until Alex clears her throat and asks, “did you wanna invite me in?”

“right.” Becca steps aside and motions Alex in.

Alex whistles as she looks around, still holding her bag in front of her. “nice place.”

Becca shrugs, because it is nice, stunning really, but the house doesn’t feel quite right—it never really has. it’s big and empty and somehow always manages to be cold even during summer.

“come on, i’ll show you around.”

it’s as they walk through the house that Becca realises she’s not quite sure what they are. they aren’t enemies, and now she wonders if they ever actually were. and they definitely aren’t dating. dating implies some level of commitment that Becca doubts she could ever really give. and then there would be intimacy and comfort and little inside jokes that they’d share quiet smiles over.

but that doesn’t matter anyway because she would never want to date Alex—never ever. dating Alex would be complicated and messy and she has a reputation and expectations that Alex doesn’t fit and—

“you doin’ alright there?”

“huh?” Becca shakes the thoughts away.

Alex tilts her head to the side and offers a small curious smile that manages to worm its way into Becca’s heart and find a place for itself amidst all the dark twisty tendrils that have been growing with each passing day.

“why are you looking at me like that?” Becca asks, her tone both defensive and amused.

“like what?”

“like you’re trying to read my mind.”

“i’m not, i just—” Alex sighs and Becca suddenly wonders what she’d been about to say. “you mentioned swimming?”

“swimming, right.” Becca knows a digression when she hears one, but she points to a room Alex can get changed in and says she’ll meet her downstairs.

Becca doesn’t actually swim. she sits on the edge of the dock beneath the dying afternoon sun and traces the water with her toes. Alex swims though, splashes around for a short while and tries to gently prod Becca in too. but Becca holds firm and insists that she’s more than happy on the dock.

Alex climbs out later, dripping water onto the dock and creating a small puddle that manages to spread and reach Becca’s leg. she pretends Alex dripping water on her irritates her and pretends to hate it when she flicks water at her.

Alex sits down beside her, and Becca thinks she’s waiting for her to break the silence that’s comfortably settled between them.

“do you wanna talk about it?” Alex finally asks.

Becca wonders which it they’re talking about—her parents’ divorce or the fact that some fundamental piece of their relationship or friendship or whatever they are, is changing. maybe it’s both. maybe it’s neither.

“thank you for visiting me,” she says instead. “i’m sure it pales in comparison to a road trip with your friends.”

“hardly.” Alex smiles and nudges Becca’s shoulder with her own. “we were all cramped in a van that doesn’t have working a/c. besides, i like hanging out with you, it’s…”

Becca raises her eyebrows, curious and nudging Alex on.

“easy.”

Becca laughs, like, full body laughs. never in her life has she been described as easy to be around.

“what’s so funny?”

“nothing, nothing.” Becca tries to suppress her laughter, but it doesn’t work.

“i was trying to be nice.” Alex makes a show of being hurt, even makes to leave, but the smile on her face tells a very different story.

“no, sorry.” Becca places her hand gently on Alex’s arm; wants her to believe the sincerity behind her words. “it was nice and i didn’t mean to laugh. i’ve just never been described as easy before, and with everything going on, i guess it’s been a while since something’s made me laugh.”

“oh.” Alex settles on the dock again and Becca’s hand remains on her arm. “are you talking with your parents much?”

Becca shrugs. “mom’s trying. i think we’re both just having a hard time adjusting to speaking to each other. it’s been good but strange.”

“and your dad?”

Becca barks out a laugh. “i think he’s just as clueless. only difference is he’s not making much of an effort. my sister and i were supposed to spend some time with him here over the summer. look how that turned out.”

“i’m sorry.”

“i don’t need pity—”

“i wasn’t pitying you.”

“i know, but it’s just…”

“just…?”

and Alex’s arm is suddenly very warm beneath Becca’s hand. warm and solid and grounding and— they’ve done this before. played this game where they share their insecurities and offer something dangerously close to companionship.

it won’t end well, she thinks, but her heart thumps along and tells her to indulge just this once. what’s one more time anyway?

“we shouldn’t,” Becca breathes, because one of them needs to say it.

“probably,” Alex agrees, but neither of them move to put some space between them.

“but we could.”

“definitely.”

“it would be” —amazing is the word she thinks— “fun,” is the word she says with a playful lilt to her voice that she hopes distracts from the longing want she can feel in her bones.

they’re closer now, faces no more than a couple inches apart, and the air around them feels stiff somehow, like the world around them took one massive breath and is now waiting for them to do something about the balloon of tension that’s been slowly inflating for months.

and then the balloon bursts, and there’s kissing and moaning and wandering hands and— oh god, Becca suddenly remembers why she wanted to do this again. it feels like electricity zapping up and down her body. it hurts and it heals, and she wonders if they’ll ever do this again—silently hopes that they will.

she pulls Alex closer, decides that it’s still not enough—some tiny part of her heart hums and says that it never will be—and moves to straddle her lap and thread her fingers through her hair.

“here?” Alex asks between frantic and hurried kisses.

Becca hums and urges Alex’s hands further down her body.

it happens quickly after that. the coil inside Becca tightens each time Alex moves her fingers and moans her name and nips at her neck and— it snaps. the coil snaps and its wonderful and horrible and Becca is suddenly acutely aware of the place Alex holds in her heart.

and that— it terrifies her, because for the first time in her life she has no idea how it will go.

they head back up to the house not long later, stumbling through the first floor and upstairs as they share laughs and kisses. and when they reach the foot of the bed, Becca pushes Alex back and is quick to return the favour.

Becca wakes early in the morning on her side and facing Alex who’s fast asleep and completely dead to the world. she takes this moment, this brief interlude, to consider her next move.

the last time they did this, she left as soon as she woke up. though leaving isn’t exactly an option right now, and Becca finds that even if it were, leaving is the last thing she wants to do.

she brings her hand to Alex’s face and brushes a loose piece of hair behind her ear. the gesture, though small, is enough to cause Alex to stir.

“hi,” Alex says, her voice heavy with sleep and eyes barely open.

“hi.”

“you were right,” she says, sporting a tired grin, “it was fun.”

Becca hums and shifts closer to Alex, tracing lazy patterns on her shoulder. “how long can you stay?”

“how long do you want me to stay?”

“i asked you first.”

“so?”

“humour me.”

their back-and-forth is light, airy. it’s how they usually talk. but there’s insecurity that hides beneath it all. insecurity that itches to be breathed into the world and soothed away.

“well, my friends and i were going to the aurora music festival tomorrow.”

“oh.”

“but maybe, if you wanted to, you could come with?”

“are you asking me to go with you?”

“i asked you first.”

Becca smacks Alex’s shoulder but can’t stop the smile on her face. “yes, i want to go.”

“good” —Alex leans in then, stops only when their lips are just about to touch— “because i really want you to come with me.”

“is that so?”

Alex hums and brings their lips together in a slow and easy kiss that Becca’s all too happy to get lost in.

“wait, hang on.” Alex pulls away, a suddenly serious expression on her face. “you didn’t tell me how long you wanted me to stay.”

forever is the word she thinks, but she just smiles and brings their lips together again, and she thinks that Alex might just understand.

#my writing #request #anon #becca davenport #becca x mc #the freshman #the sophomore #the junior #the senior #playchoices

112 notes · View notes

softyoongiionly · 3 years

Text

BlackHeart Bakery

Who says Halloween can’t be romantic?

Pairing: Emo! Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Genre: fluff

A/N: HI OMG IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE. I love you, I hope you like it. I’m sorry it isn’t longer but, I still can’t wait for you to read it.

-you never imagined that the quirky lil bakery down the street from your university would change your life

-But it did

-“Omg shut up, you’re so dumb.”

-“Rawr xD”

-“Did you just say rawr xD out loud??? That totally defeats the purpose of its existence...”

-“Don’t cite the deep magic to me witch, I was there when it was written.”

-“And now you’re quoting the chronicles of narnia- alright just go back to sleep you big dummy...”

-“Mmm but you married a big dummy so what does that say about you”

-“Jungkook don't spoil it oh my god!”

-“Like they don’t know what’s coming already- spoiler alert losers! I get the girl.”

-“I hate you...”

-“Mm yeah- I love it when you talk dirty to me baby. The last time you said that- we ended up fuc-“

-“Ok! That’s enough! Our story begins...”

-Jungkook’s bakery was quite famous around your city

-If people didn’t come for the gaudy Halloween decorations

-They came for the music

-Exclusively pop punk, if you’re wondering

-It was like 2009 everyday

-Which was comforting, considering the world has gotten a little

-Tricky

-Since then

-But anyways

-If they didn’t come for the music or the decorations

-They came for the AMAZING espresso

-And the spooky themed treats

-But if you’re being honest

-You think the main thing that keeps them coming back

-Is Jungkook

-If his sweeping black hair didn’t get you

-Or the adorable cheeky twinkle in his eyes

-It was the tattoos and the piercings

-He looked like he walked right off of a black veil brides music video set

-He was hot

-This was obvious

-But he didn’t seem to think so

-You had come to the conclusion that he was oblivious

-he shoved his feet into his big black doc martens every morning

-Slipped on his beaded bracelets and studded chokers

-Pulled his fall out boy t-shirt over his

-Massive

-Tattooed

-Biceps

-And just thought hm

-I’m pretty average I guess (lol)

-That’s a direct quote from him btw

-Men truly are hopeless

-Jungkook opened the bakery two years ago

-He had mentioned to you that he had saved up money from his 3 part time jobs to put a down payment on the building

-Which was wedged between a sex shop

-And a thrift store

-And honestly his bakery

-Blackheart Bakery, if you’re being specific

-Fits right in

-Jungkook refuses to hire new staff

-“They won’t do it right.” He whined to you one day

-“One time I tried to hire this guy and he put the sugared googly eyes on the cookie skeletons ALL WRONG”

-“How do you put googly eyes on wrong?” You had giggled

-“you just do- i- See? This is exactly why I can’t hire anyone...”

-You had started chewing on the end of your pencil in the midst of your laughter

-It was an unconscious habit

-And it makes Jungkook shift uncomfortably, his hands moving off of the top of your table

-“Don’t do that...” he had muttered, smirking to himself as he walked back behind the counter

-he did that a lot

-He’d mutter something

-Mildly flirtatious under his breath and then

-Just walk away

-It was quite confusing

-But honestly you had a feeling he was just a filrty person

-You certainly weren’t the only girl he smirked at

-Not that you pay attention

-Ok

-Maybe you do

-Kinda

-Pay attention

-but it’s not your fault!!!!

-You just

-Can’t help but feel a little jealous

-You kiiiiiinda have a little thing for him

-Ok

-Maybe it’s a big thing

-Maybe it’s a massive

-Gigantic

-Towering

-Crush

-But look at him!!!

-You simply couldn’t be blamed

-It was his fault

-Yep

-That’s what you’re going with

-It was Jungkook

-And his tight t shirts

-His ripped jeans

-His dangly earrings

-His tattoos

-His big

-Stupid boots

-Ugh ok

-Focus

-You have work to do

-The whole reason you began coming to Jungkook's cafe was so you -could find a consistent place to study for your exams

-You were in school to become a teacher :)

-And teachers have to study very very hard

-Educating the youth is no easy feat

-Jungkook had asked what you were studying during the first week you arrived at his spooky house of baked goods

-“Oh I’m an education major”

-“Ahh so you’re getting an education about...education.” He concludes

-“I love it.”

-“So meta.”

-“Are they educating you on the disparities between impoverished children and wealthier children?”

-His wide eyes were brimming with genuine curiosity

-You kind of got a kick out of how candid he was about such heavy conversation topics

-“Not as much as they should be but, I’m actually writing a paper on a similar topic right now...”

-This caused a brilliant grin to come over his face

-It was almost blinding really

-And it made your heartbeat all wonky

-“Of course you are. You look smart like that...”

-He had backed away from your table then, seemingly satisfied

-Had you passed the vibe check?

-“I’ll leave you to your paper.” He nodded to your laptop but as he walked away, he pivoted back towards you on and the heel of his combat boot, “welcome to Blackheart Bakery by the way, let me know if I can get you anything.”

-Another brilliant smile is sent your way

-“Thank you.” You had smiled back, sending a tiny wave his way

-Which in turn, made HIS heartbeat all wonky

-You’re cute

-Like really cute

-And despite how often it may seem like his eyes are elsewhere

-They are ALWAYS on you

-Every chance he gets he is glancing your way

-Smirking to himself at how endearing you are

-Brow furrowed

-Lips pouted in concentration

-Completely oblivious to his gaze

-He has to remind himself to look away

-He doesn’t want to be a creep

-“Creepy men deserved to get kicked in the teeth...”

-He’s said this to you before when another patron had made you uncomfortable

-Jungkook kicked him out immediately

-“If you don’t leave, I’ll have no choice but to kick you in the teeth. One, because I can’t compromise my personal philosophy and two because you’re making my favorite customer uncomfortable.”

-Oh look there goes your heartbeat again

-WONKY

-The guy leaves in an angry rush, flipping Jungkook off in the process

-Saying something about leaving a bad Yelp review

-He doesn’t care tho

-He definitely doesn’t want to be a creep

-You’re just so

-Pretty

-Ugh

-He rolls his eyes at himself behind the espresso bar

-The latte in front of him neglected

-In need of a bit of foam

-“Focus Jeon, she’s just a chick...”

No wait

-“She’s just a woman. A woman who I respect, like I respect all women...”

-He’s been watching a lot of feminist theory on YouTube

-He likes staying educated

-And also fuck the patriarchy

-The man waiting for his drink has arched a brow at this point, wondering if his barista has lost his mind

-“Uhhh medium...” he checks the cup for his awful hand writing, “ghostly toasted marshmallow latte!”

-“Thanks.” The guy mutters, throwing a judging look Jungkook's way

-He gives him a lazy salute as the guy struts away with a briefcase in tow

-“Thaaanks.” Jungkook mocks him, his face scrunching up in annoyance

-Stupid man

-With his stupid briefcase

-As Jungkook is pulling out a batch of cream cheese frosting stuffed pumpkin muffins

-Or as Jungkook calls them

-PUNK-in Muffins

-Movement at the counter catches his eye

-is that

-”oh shit...” He grunts, hastily wiping his hands on his apron and rushing over to the counter

-normally he would meander

-stroll

-or even slump to greet any new guests at this hour

-and by this hour

-he means 45 minutes before closing

-Jungkook’s bakery is open til midnight on weeknights

-9pm on Sundays

-and 3am on Saturdays (for the culture of course, gotta keep it spooky)

-tonight happens to be a Friday night and the person awaiting his assistance is

-you

-”You’re still here?” He gawks, the black polish on his nails glimmering as he punches in a few keys on the register

-You offer him a tired and slightly amused smile, “No. Y/N died around 4:30, you’re speaking to her ghost. Please leave your message after the tone.”

-Jungkook cracks a smile, his palms resting on flat on the counter, “Do ghosts check their voicemails?”

-“Oh of course not but, I will be checking yours because you have access to caffeine.”

-Jungkook laughs

-no...he giggles

-and it’s fucking cute

-but you digress

-“I feel like I should cut you off...this is your 4th latte; I’m pretty sure you’re 80% caffeine at this point...”

-“Noooo, don’t do that.” You whine slumping against the counter, “I just need to finish this one page...”

-He quirks a brow as he scribbles something on your cup, unimpressed with your statement, “You said that three hours ago. I’ll make you another one but I’m not putting an extra shot in.”

-Your face turns up in protest but he click his tongue against his teeth , shaking a manicured finger at you

-“Ah ah- nope. I don’t want to hear it. You either take that or I’m making you a hot chocolate and shutting the buildings power off.”

-With a dramatic sigh, you concede

-“Ugh fine. Here-” You go to hand him your debit card but he shakes his head

-“Put that away.”

-You want to protest but given the fact that he’s made the rules thus far during this interaction, you doubt you’d be able to stop him.

-A smile appears on your face then, appreciative of his generosity

-“Thank you.”

-He merely grins, waving you off before rolling up the sleeves of his black Blink 182 shirt

-as soon as his tattoos are out

-all the moisture leaves your mouth

-you try your hardest not to stare at him

-expertly, he eases the espresso shots into the milk, tongue poking between his lips in concentration

-and you

-being sleep-deprived

-and a little loopy

-decide to

-flirt????????

-if you could even call it that

-which you could but you shouldn’t

-“For the record, when I finally dig my way out of this of mountain of death I’m stuck in, I will definitely take you up on that hot chocolate...”

-Jungkook’s brow quirks at the tone of your voice, his hands suddenly itching with nerves

-was that

-was that flirty?

-should he flirt back?

-“My hot chocolate is legendary. You won’t be disappointed.” His lips display a small grin as he places the lid atop your finished latte, “Also mountain of death is a great name and I WILL be stealing it.”

-You giggle

-again

-“and I WILL be suing you for copyright.”

-He laughs now, wiping up the bit of milk he spilled

-the sinewy muscles in his forearm tensing and untensing

“Good luck getting me to show up to court.”

-and that’s kinda how it was between you and Jungkook

-for like six months

-it was a little bit flirty but never anything to push either over you over the edge.

-and speaking of being on edge

-recently, you had gone from vacationing in your timeshare on the edge

-to signing a 35 year mortgage contract

-4 bedrooms

-2.5 bathrooms

-of pure

-unrelenting

-stress

-you could feel it in the middle of your back

-shoving itself up between your shoulder blades

-your body seemed to ache with it

-the worst part being

-it was Halloween

-You should be out with your friends, having fun

-wearing itchy costumes and drinking sugary drinks

-but instead, your headed towards the bakery to work

-Jungkook was behind the counter, smiling happily at a family dressed like the cast of scooby doo

-from what you could see he was wearing a skeleton onesie

-his jet black hair tousled perfectly above his head

-he looked adorable

-(and hot)

-He notices you instantly, his face turning up in surprise

-you offer up a small wave and head over to your table

-you know he’s going to say something about you being there but

-you don’t really have much of a choice

-this work has to be done

-it takes him a second to spot you but when he does

-he seems to perk up

-his smile brightening as he looks back towards his customer

-as you’re setting everything up, you feel a presence (not the spooky kind) at the end of your table

-it’s Jungkook and he has your regular order in one hand, along with something wrapped in skeleton-patterned parchment paper

-“I know, I know.” You acknowledge before he’s even able to chide you for being here

-He smirks “What are you doing studying on the holiest day of the year??”

-You giggle

-“The holiest day of the year huh?”

-“Of course. Halloween is the one night a year that the homies can dress like total -sluts and no one can say anything about it.”

-This makes you giggle again

-“And you went with slutty skeleton huh? I love it- it’s like as naked as you can possibly get.”

-He chuckles, gesturing to his costume

-His floppy black hair getting in his face

-“Damn right baby.”

-The way he grins tells you the pet name is a joke

-But the deepening of his voice gets to you anyway

-“Thank you for this. I promise I’ll get out of your hair early tonight.”

-“The only thing I’m worried about getting out of my hair is this white spray paint. You’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”

-He’s put a streak of white spray paint in his raven locks

-Why? You’re not certain

-Does it look good on him, like everything else does?

-Absolutely

-Its been a few hours since your night of studying began

-Jungkook’s dropped off two free lattes since you’ve arrived

-As well as a slice of his ‘I write cinnamon not tragedies’ bread

-Which was equally hilarious and delicious

-You caught him glancing over at your table a few times but you didn’t think anything of it

-He’s probably just checking to make sure that no one needs your table

-His bakery is packed most nights but Halloween is a special night at Blackheart Bakery

-He has a trick or treat counter set up with free (homemade) candy

-A photo op complete with a fake haunted house backdrop

-A Halloween playlist

-And a bunch of discounts on his signature lattes and food

-you watch him amongst the chaos

-He is completely unfazed

-He seems elated at the amount of customers he has

-he grins and laughs at something a man dressed like Thor says at his counter

-he seems entirely in his element

-you realize that the denial tactics you’ve been trying out haven’t been working

-because this floppy haired, tattooed, slutty skeleton/baker kind of has a hold on your heart

-you’ve been friends for a long time now

-he always makes sure you’re taken care of

-he always asks if you’re ok

-he always gives you this little grin

-it feels like a secret sometimes

-but maybe it’s been his way of letting you know where he stands

-he’s been bringing you lattes and pastries for months now

-he never charges you full-price

-he always reminds you not to work too hard

-he

-fuck

-he likes you doesn’t he?

-you look back over at the counter to see him bending over and handing a skeleton cookie to a little girl dressed like Captain Marvel

-he laughs at something she says

-his eyes focused entirely on her and whatever she seems to be proclaiming to him

-your heart goes wonky again

-alright

-enough is enough

-you’re doing this

-Jungkook’s done so much of the work thus far

-it’s time for you to seal the deal

-and if he rejects you, well…

-you can just crawl into a hole and never come out again

-easy peasy

-You can feel his eyes on you as you get up to take your place in line

-luckily there isn’t anyone else behind you

-rejection with an audience would certainly be worse

-Jungkook has his witty comment ready for you as you approach the register

-“I know for a fact you haven’t finished your third latte and I’m not making you another one until-“

-“I’m not here for another latte.” You laugh, trying to ignore the thrashing of your heartbeat

-“No? Well, are you finally going to try my Welcome to the Blackened Chicken Parade Burger then? I’ve been asking you for like three weeks…”

-god he’s fucking cute

-“I’m here to ask you out.”

-Jungkook swears he feels his heart stop

-“You’re here to…”

-He repeats the first part of your response as his he didn’t hear you

-his black fingernails anxiously tapping against the countertop

-“I’m here to ask you out- on a date.”

-Jungkooks face seems to go through various stages of confusion before a shy smirk presents itself on his pretty mouth

-“Me? You’re asking me-“ He places a hand on his chest, “-out on a date?”

-“Yes!” You laugh, slapping the counter a bit too hard, your nerves getting the best of you, “Are you down?”

-He shakes his head but his answer contradicts his movements

-“So down, beyond down. There is no one on Earth who is more DOWN than I am. Yes. My answer is yes. 50000% yes.”

-you can’t help the smile on your lips

-“great. So are you free next Friday then?”

-He grins with his teeth this time, nodding emphatically

-“Consider the shop closed.”

-and so it was

-you returned to your table moments later

-feeling on top of the world

-you did it

-you asked Jungkook out

-and he said yes

-and now you

-NOW YOU HAVE A DATE WITH JUNGKOOK

-LOOK AT YOU GO

-TAKING CHARGE

-you try your best to engage with your studies but with Jungkook on your mind

-its really hard

-roughly two hours later, things at the bakery have finally started to slow down

-“Hey uh- Y/N?”

-Jungkook's voice that pulls you out of your studying trance

-he’s standing at the entrance of his back room, waving you over with his hand

-and who are you to deny him?

-you make your way over there, annoyed at the instant increase in your heartrate

-he stands awkwardly to the side and gestures to the boxes on the metal rack

-“I just remembered that I’ve never given you a tour of the place. I give all my regulars a tour of the stockroom and my office and uh-”

-he cuts himself off and clumsily cups your cheek

-he pulls you into a kiss

-a really good kiss

-his lips are so warm

-he smells like cinnamon

-you could literally die happy

-The ridiculous nature of his first attempt to kiss you, makes you giggle into his mouth

-you feel him smile, his hands smushing your cheeks together as he pulls away

-“Ok I lied. There is no tour. I’ve just been watching you focus on your computer for the last two hours and you’re just really fucking cute and-”

-this time, it’s you who cuts him off

-“You better give me an actual tour next time. How else am I going to steal your secret recipes?”

-he scoffs in mock offense

-“Ah ha! So that’s the only reason you asked me out huh? Should I be calling you Plankton instead of Y/N? Ew no wait- that would make me Mr. Krabs and he’s a dirty capitalist...”

-You laugh, “Oooh good point. Guess you’ll just have to be Karen, my computer wife.”

-This makes him laugh now and the sound warms your soul

-“I could live with that- I like your last name better anyways.”

-with another kiss, your adventure with the emo baker of your dreams begins

-It may have been Halloween but it sure felt like Christmas to you

387 notes · View notes

alovesongshewrote · 3 years

Note

If you’re taking requests, maybe something about Doux finding the reader absolutely delirious from lack of sleep? I may or may not have gotten literally any sleep last night and although I managed to get through my morning routine pretty efficiently I FEEL my body just wiping out. I will be comatose within the hour.

Sleep, Darling | Hisirdoux Casperan x Reader

Plot: you’ve been awake for too long and it is not doing you any favours. Thank god for punk wizards who care about your wellbeing, amirite lads? (Also, the pure Irony that this is getting posted at like, 2:40 am where i am, rip me i guess)

Word Count: 2,292

Warnings: A bit of blood is mentioned in passing, the reader isn’t human and probably has adhd or smthn. Also, Friends is mentioned, like, the tv show, so that’s a thing!

A/N: if you look closely, you can actually see me projecting onto this one. I hope you got some sleep anon.

Tags: @furblrwurblr @einahpetsyarcip @sorrels-scribbling @anxious-stitcher @alive-and-afraid @animedweeb333 @douxiesdamsel @saroski05

Time isn’t real. It’s a social construct made to bring order to the general chaos that is human existence. That was why you were up at 5 a.m for the second, maybe third, night in a row. Was it healthy? Probably not, but you didn’t need sleep, you needed answers. Answers to what? Who knows at this point, honestly.

You couldn’t say you were surprised when you finally noticed the late, or early hour. You just shrugged it off and went “fuck it, all-nighter,” which was fine for the moment. But time’s a bitch, and that moment was over pretty fast. By noon, you were ready to collapse. The three cups of coffee did not help. Instead, they made you vibrate at a frequency that could quite possibly break glass. As much as this sucked for you, it was worse for your lovely friend and co-worker, Hisirdoux Casperan.

Now, our boi Douxie was and is madly in love with you, but shhh, it’s a secret. You also love him, and that’s a secret too. Neither of these secrets are well kept, and the only reason you aren’t together is general stupidity. Literally, anyone else who watches the two of you interacting can tell that you're in love. Hell, half the town assumes you’re together already. The other half keeps trying to get you together. It is not working very well. But that’s all a digression. What you really need to know is that Douxie loves you and watching you suffer from a lack of sleep was Not A Pleasant Experience. You were delirious, shaky, and constantly off-balance. You could work well enough, but it was clear that your health was not in the same zone.

The final straw came when you cut your hand on broken glass. You’d dropped a cup, and instead of using magic, you’d tried to fix the mess by hand. That plan did not work, and you received a bloody slash across your palm for your troubles.

“Ah. Fuck,” you said, thinking you were whispering but instead speaking at a normal volume.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“‘S nothing, I’ve got it,” you did not got it, especially not in this state, and Douxie had the good sense to figure that out. The blood was a pretty good hint though.

“Oh, fuzzbuckets.”

“I told you, I’m toooootally fine, there is nothing to worry about.”

“Here, (Y/N), let me help you-”

“No, no, this is, this is-” it was then that your sleep-deprived brain decided to cut off your train of thought and replace it with another, more chaotic train. You stopped talking and just stared at Douxie for a solid minute. Or at least it felt like a solid minute. Time isn’t real, remember that.

“(Y-Y/N)? You alright there, darling?”

“You’re really cute, did you know that? Like… really cute. Steve was right, you could be a model.”

“I-”

“Also, just gonna put it out there, I freakin’ love it when you call me darling. Like, I know you call most people darling, but it makes me feel special. Don’t ask why, it just does.”

Douxie wasn’t planning on asking why. He wasn’t really planning on anything. Your sleep-deprived half-confession had turned him from a capable individual into a blushing mess in less than a second. You always had that effect on him, but it looked like your exhausted state was giving you a bit of an edge.

“Oh, sorry, I made it weird. Anyway, do you think if I brewed my next coffee with Monster instead of water it would wake me up? Because I’m still tired, and it isn’t fun.”

“I- you- I’m-”

“I think I might try it, honestly.”

“Ok, how about you don’t do that,” Archie said, swooping in, literally and figuratively, to save the day, “Douxie, can you please get (Y/N)’s hand patched up? It looks quite painful and they’re dripping blood onto the carpet.”

You were, in fact, dripping blood onto the carpet. That wasn’t good, “Oh, that’s- I’m sorry.”

“Don’t fret, just go do something about that hand,” with that, Archie smacked Douxie upside the head in an attempt to snap him out of his flustered state. It was super effective!

“Ahh, yeah. C’mon, (Y/N), let’s,,, go,,, fix,,, that.”

“Ok,” you stood, too tired to protest, and followed Douxie into the back of the bookstore, which was literally just his apartment.

It was a nice place. Very cozy, very him. It made you want to curl up and take a nap, but to be fair, literally everything made you want to curl up and take a nap at the moment. Regardless, his home made you feel warm and fuzzy on the inside and you never wanted to leave it. Maybe it was the interior decorating, but you knew it was because your favourite person lived there. What you didn’t know, or didn’t realize, was that you’d just spoken your entire thought process out loud and Douxie heard every word of it. Once again, the boy was a blushing mess. If you were awake enough to process things, you would have found it cute. Or you’d be dead from embarrassment, that one is a bit of a toss-up.

Fighting through his flustered state, Douxie pulled you into the bathroom and collected a first aid kit from under the counter. While he focused on getting things done, you curled into a ball in his bathtub. For some reason, your exhausted brain decided that sitting on the edge of the bathtub simply did not Vibe™ but sitting inside the tub was better than nothing, and so you just,,, curled up there. Douxie was only a little surprised to see you there.

“(Y/N)?”

“D’you remember that time on Friends when Winona Ryder played a closeted lesbian? That was a fuckin’ trip, man.”

“(Y/N), darling-”

“That whole episode is just- it’s just strange.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Hehe, Stranger Things.”

“(Y/N), love, I need to see your hand.”

“Oh, fuck, yeah, I forgot. Here,” you sat up, extending your hand out to the wizard. He took it, sitting on the edge of the bathtub which was fine for him to do, I guess. Not you though, you were stuck in bathtub jail for sleep deprivation crimes.

You squinted up at his face as he tended to the nasty scratch you’d given yourself. You didn’t have the capacity to focus on what he was doing, so instead you focused on him. He was pretty, as you’d said before, but that was always true. At that exact moment, his brows were furrowed in concentration, his eyes concerned and his jaw set. His hands were steadier than yours could ever hope to be, especially since you hadn’t been sleeping. Overall, he looked kind of mad, so you sunk down into your bath-prison, silent and waiting for him to finish so you could get back to work.

Douxie was not mad at you. He was upset that you hadn’t been sleeping, but he wasn’t mad. He was just worried for your health. Your wizard did not appreciate seeing you shaking and sleep-deprived. He didn’t appreciate it when your current state led you to injure yourself, either.

He wrapped up your hand and gave it a small pat, “Done. Now, come on, you’re taking a nap.”

His voice surprised you. It was gentle, calm, not at all angry like you’d suspected. You found yourself so lost in it that you didn’t realize what he’d said until he said your name, trying to snap you out of whatever haze you were in.

“Oh, wait, what? No, shit, I have to get back to work-”

“No, you need sleep.”

“Sleep is for the weak, I need to go-” you stood and almost fell over. You probably would have broken something if Douxie didn’t catch you. You hadn’t exactly expected to end up in his arms today, and despite the heat rising in your face and neck, you were not complaining.

“(Y/N)-”

“I’m sorry, Douxie, I-”

“You need to sleep. Please, (Y/N), don’t make me use a spell on you.”

You froze for a second before a smirk crept onto your face, “You wouldn’t.”

“I-”

“You wouldn’t use a spell on meeeeee-” the smirk grew into a full smile as you let yourself go limp, forcing him to move his hands to support you better and pull you closer to him. Was that your plan? Maybe. Was it part of a second, bigger plan? Also yes.

“You wanna bet?”

“Sure.”

“I-” and then he went silent. There was a moment of tension where you just stared into each other’s eyes, holding your breath to see what the other person would do. Your gaze fell to his lips as his fell to yours. For that moment, your thoughts began to wander far out of your control. Douxie’s mind was also running rampant but in a different direction. You were right, he thought. He couldn't use magic on you. As far as he knew, you were a human. Just a mortal being who crawled their way into his life and stayed there, improving the quality of it greatly. If there was even the slightest chance that a spell may have negative side effects, which most sleep spells did, he wouldn’t dare risk it, especially not on you. He sighed, tightening his grip on your waist, “You’re right.”

“What?” Oop, plan going sideways, PLAN GOING SIDEWAYS!

“I’m- not going to use magic on you,” he helped you to stand, and moved to take a step back before you grabbed his hoodie and pulled him back to you, ignoring the sharp sting in your hand.

“Ok, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hang on there wizard boy-” you took a moment to pull yourself out of the bathtub entirely, “You can’t give up that easily.”

“Wha-”

“Come onnnnnn, make it fun, make it exciting. Put a spell on me or whatever, just-” you went quiet for a second, but for once you weren’t distracted. Just quiet. You had to face facts. Your plan had failed, and now you had nothing but the truth.

“(Y/N)?”

“Just make my brain stop. For just two seconds.”

“What?”

“Please. I’m running on a motor and I can’t stop myself. I haven’t slept and I have no choice in the matter.”

“(Y/N)-”

“Look, just, take away my free-will if you have to. Knock me out, magic or otherwise, I just want five seconds where I’m not on hyperdrive,” you were standing on your own now, though Douxie’s arms were still wrapped around you and you hadn’t let go of his hoodie, “Please.”

The bathroom was silent for a minute. It took that long for Douxie to process what you’d just said. You feared, for that moment, that you’d said too much. You hadn't. Not to him, anyway.

“Come on.”

“What?”

“Come on,” he said, picking you up, effortlessly sweeping you off your feet.

“Wait, what!?” your voice was slightly more frantic, surprise lacing through your words.

“There’s more than one way to get a person to sleep.”

“Oh-?”

He didn’t respond to your question, instead, he carried you out the door and into what you could only assume was his room. You had no choice but to wrap your arms around his neck and cling to him for dear life until he set you down on the bed.

“Stay here, okay? I’m going to make you some tea-”

“Wait!” you stopped him, grabbing his wrist as he turned to leave, “I’m… I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry, my darling,” he sat in front of you on the bed, “You just need to get some sleep, okay?”

“But what about-”

“I’ll cover your shift, you don’t need to worry.”

“I-”

“Just rest, for now, love. Please.”

“Ok,” your words were a whisper, something that Douxie could only just hear. The next thing though, he didn’t have to strain to hear at all, “Yeah. I meant what I said earlier, by the way. You’re so pretty, it isn’t fair.”

He laughed at this, at you, finally seeing some humour in your shenanigans. He relaxed now knowing that you may actually get some much-needed rest. He stood, kissing your forehead and tracing the side of your face with a hand, rough from guitar strings and 900 years of sweeping.

“Worry not, love, you’re pretty too.”

“Hey, wait-”

“Don’t ‘hey, wait,’ me. You are. Now lie down, I’ll be back in a second.”

A smile crept onto your face as you followed orders. Your emo wizard man thought you were pretty. And he cared enough about you to let you sleep during work hours, in his home, no less. You let yourself relax into the bed, grinning once again. It smelled like him, like thyme and peppermint, lemongrass and sleep. It was nice, comforting. You could only vaguely think of Douxie as your brain finally took a fuckin breather. It was everything you needed, honestly.

By the time Douxie came back, you were long gone, lost to your dreams and finally asleep. He sighed a smile that matched yours on his face. He placed the cup of tea on the bedside table before grabbing a blanket out of his closet and draping it over you. You looked so peaceful. Good. You deserved some peace every now and then.

He took the cup and left you, brushing a strand of hair out of your eyes as he did. After making his exit, he placed the still-hot tea on the counter, disregarding it for now before returning to the bookshop.

“How are they?” his familiar asked, tail twisting in concern.

He gave a final fond look at the door before returning to business, “They’re just resting.” And for once, you were.

#hisirdoux x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #douxie x reader #douxie imagine #hisirdoux imagine #angst #fluff #hisirdoux #hisirdoux casperan #douxie #toa douxie #toa hisirdoux #tw sleep deprivation

212 notes · View notes

step-on-me-natasha · 3 years

Text

Blade; chapter 1

summary: Parker "Blade" Wiles, a high ranking SHIELD agent with an aptitude for sharp objects, goes missing. When Blade is found again with a darker and colder demeanor, SHIELD, with the help of The Avengers, are tasked with finding out what happened to their colleague and friend.

OC is ace and uses they/them pronouns

pairing: Natasha Romanoff x OC! reader (Blade)

warnings: knives, dead mom?? if anything else, let me know

*thoughts are in italics*

Dear Journal, it’s Parker, well it’s actually Blade, my therapist said that it would help if I wrote in a diary everyday. I don’t know how this is supposed to help. How is writing in a journal going to help with the fact that my mother just died? I don’t get it. But, here goes nothing I guess.

When I was maybe 9 or 10, I started playing with knives. My mother would always tell me it was dangerous, but there have only been two instances where I got hurt by one. The first time was when I was in high school and I was cutting a carrot for my lunch and I looked away and the knife slipped. It was only the tip of my finger, so does it really count? The second time was last week when some damn HYDRA agent threw a fucking samurai sword at my head and it barely missed my ear. Which by the way, ruined my streak of at least 20 years of not getting cut by a knife. Other than that, nothing bad has really happened.

I guess I never really learned my lesson because now I play with knives for my job. Anyways, I’ll write some more tomorrow.

--Blade

“First entry down. Boom” You say with a slight head nod. Never in a million years would you have thought that you would be writing in a diary, especially not a bright fucking purple one. That’s the best Dr. Lawrence could do? You work with superheroes and play with knives for a living and she thought that a bright purple diary was a good idea? It’s a rhetorical question, it’s definitely not a good idea.

A knock at your door took you out of your trance of staring at this obnoxiously bright diary. Steve pokes his head in, Jesus Christ he’s such a dad, you think.

“Hey there, we got a team briefing in 10. A new HYDRA breakthrough.” He says.

Oh goody. “Alright, thanks Steve.” You stand up and stretch your legs and back out.

“So uh, new hobby?” He says pointing at the journal.

“Oh yeah, totally. Dr. Lawrence said it would help if I wrote my feelings down. I think I'm gonna name it Sheila.”

He nods, “Sheila. Uh... yeah, Sheila suits it”.

The both of you begin the walk down to the briefing room.

“Wait wait wait, HYDRA? I thought we got rid of them when SHIELD collapsed.” You asked.

“They’re rebuilding.”

“Of course they’re fucking rebuilding.” You say with a sigh.

“Nice of you guys to finally join the party.”

“You actually interrupted my therapy sanctioned diary entry for today Tony, so thanks.” He rolled his eyes and scoffed.

“No need for the attitude Blade.” Now it’s your turn to roll your eyes and scoff as you fall into your seat.

“Let's just get this over with, I have better things to do” you mutter.

“....Alrighty,” Steve starts, “with the collapse of SHIELD and consequently HYDRA, what's left of HYDRA went underground. They used and analysed everything they had on physical files. We now know that they are trying to re-created the super soldier serum.”

“Awesome” Bucky grumbles.

“That’s not all,” Steve continued “they are exclusively experimenting on women and children.” The room goes silent.

“Why wouldn’t they re-use the Red Rooms resources then?” You pipe up.

“They didn’t want to draw attention to themselves and what's left of the Red Room is nothing but retired widows who just want a normal life.” Natasha says.

“Including you?” you ask her. “In the future yeah, but not now.” You nod and your eyes linger on her.

“Do we have a location?” Bucky asks.

“Eastern Germany, more specifically East Berlin.” Steve replied. Whose bright idea was it to go back to Germany?

“Alright, suit up everyone, wheels up in 15.” Tony says as everyone begins to leave.

You make your way back to your room to grab your gear and suit up. Ya know, I know that this mission is important but, why do I have to go? I know it's unhealthy to stay holed up in my room but god, I really don’t want to go, you thought to yourself. You sigh and start walking towards the quinjet, grabbing your journal and a pen on the way out. You're the last one to get on, plopping down on a seat in the back. You start writing.

Sup Sheila. I guess writing has kinda distracted me from my poor pathetic self. I’m going on this mission to stop HYDRA. Yep, you heard me right. HYDRA. They’re fucking back. And guess where they are! Germany! FUCKING GERMANY! The audacity. I bet they’re all men. No woman, even a HYDRA agent, would go BACK to Germany. I digress, anyways, I guess this mission could help. I haven’t been in the field since the accident. So maybe this is for the better? I truly don’t know, i’ll let you know when I get back

--Blade

You close your journal and kind zone out. I don’t even know why I’m here. Why couldn't they bring Clint, oh yeah, he fell off the roof trying to fly. What kind of fucking idiot does he think he is? I bet he’s having the time of his life right now. Not having to go on this mission. He’s probably watching shitty sitcom re-runs while eating something dumb, like garlic bread. Mmmmmm, garlic bread. I could eat so much garlic bread right now it’s not even funny. If I could, I would fuck garlic bread, and I DON’T EVEN LIKE SEX. Good thing Wanda’s not here, she would be concerned.

“Hey, you good?” Natasha nudges you and asks.

“About as good as I can be for someone who’s mom just died and is going to stop a rogue Nazi division from the 40s that never really went away.” That is such a lie, I was totally thinking about garlic bread.

“Huh, well, that’s one way to put it.” She says, “Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here”

“Got it, thank you Nat, I really appreciate it.”

Normally when someone says something like “I'm here if you need to talk” and all that other bullshit, it just goes in one ear and out the other. But when Nat says it, it makes you want to believe it. It’s almost comforting. You get up from your seat to grab your blades, and Tony stops you.

“What Tony?”

“Hey, what's with the attitude? I just wanted to say that I upgraded your knives for you. Something nice, ya know. Thought you might need some cheering up.”

“That- that's actually nice. Thank you Tony.”

“They need a little sharpening but, I figured you could do that since it's kinda your thing.”

You chuckle, “Yeah, thank you, again.” I guess you learn something new everyday. Tony isn’t actually a self absorbed douchebag all the time. You start sharpening your swords when someone sits next to you.

“Sweet knives!”

“Thank you Sam, they’re nice, aren’t they” You say glancing at Tony.

“Alright, let's go over the plan.” Steve gathers everyone's attention.

“Sam and Tony, you guys are in the air, make sure nothing goes in or out of the base. Blade and Nat, you two take the front entrance while Bucky and I take the back. It’s not a big base, we need to get in, take what we need and get out as soon as possible. Use your comms if you need something.” As the jet lands, everyone splits up into their designated teams.

“Are you sure you’re okay to go on this mission?” Nat asks. “I mean, you’ve been staring off into space since we took off.”

“I’m gonna be totally honest with you, most, if not the whole time, I was thinking about garlic bread.”

“Why were you thinking about garlic bread?”

“Well, I don’t know, it happens from time to time, I can't stop it.”

“You’re really weird.”

“You’re stuck with it.”

By this time, all teams have left the jet. You and Natasha are nearing the front. Do I still want garlic bread? Yes. I do.

“Please don’t think about garlic bread right now”

“You have very little faith in me, I was thinking about….not garlic bread”

“Mmmhmm, yeah, sure. Just,” she sighs “watch by back and don’t do anything stupid.”

“I don’t do stupid things. The person you should be telling that to is Clint. He fell off the roof for fucks sake! Trying to what? Hmmm?? Trying to fly! Fucking fly!”

He shouldn’t be called Hawkeye anymore. He already got too many bad ideas about trying to be a hawk. We should revoke his superhero name and call him sharpshooter or some shit. No more bird names.

You and Nat enter the base. It’s too dark in here. HYDRA couldn’t afford some lights? Cheap bastards. You’re walking down the darkest hallway known to man, when you hear something.

“You hear that?” You ask.

“Yep, we should probably go check it out.”

“Fuck no! I am sure as hell not doing that! This place gives me American Horror Story: Asylum vibes, and I am not here for it.” Unless Sarah Paulson is there. I would do anything for her.

“Jesus Christ Blade! This is what we are here for!”

“Ughhhhhhh, fine. You go in first though.”

You two go into the room where the noise was heard.

“There’s no one here.”

“no shit Natasha, it’s almost like you have eyes.”

She gave you a pointed look and you sighed and started searching the room.

“What are we looking for again? I was too busy thinking about garlic bread to catch what Steve said”

”Of course you were . We’re looking for any information regarding HYDRA. Weapon plans, base blueprints and info on the winter soldier project.”

*GASP* Buckyyyy….. “Got it, thanks.”

“I'm gonna go find another room, you got this covered?”

“Yup, don’t worry about me, I got this” you give her a thumbs up as she leaves.

You continue to look around the room when you feel a slight breeze.

“That's weird” You say to yourself. You start following where the wind is coming from and find a door.

“Wow, HYDRA could afford a secret door but not lights?” You go through the door to find another empty room.

“Okay, that’s extra weird.” The door closes.

“Oh shit.” you try to open the door but it doesn’t budge. “Hello!” you use your comm but you just hear static.

“Ok well, that’s not good.” you start trying to find a way out until you hear footsteps behind you. OH SHIT, STRAIGHT OUT OF THE HORROR MOVIES. And then the lights cut out.

“Okay, ha ha! Very funny! Making sure the person with the big scary knives can’t see. Well jokes on you! I'm just gonna start swinging! And if I hit something, then well, hopefully it’s HYDRA.” You yell out.

“You are not gonna make it out alive” A voice came from the right of you. You pull out your swords and turn to the right.

You gasp. “You’re a woman!”

“Indeed I am. But, like I said earlier, you’re not making it out of this one, sweetheart”

“Oh honey, they call me Blade for a reason, so you might not make it out alive.”

“I highly doubt that” she said as she hit you upside the head, knocking you out.

A/N: AHHHH! this is my first book/fic and I am very excited! please please please don't be afraid to like or comment, it makes my day when you do!

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff fluff #Natasha Romanoff x ace!raeder #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff #Natasha Romanoff x you #black widow x reader #black widow fluff #black widow #black widow x ace!reader #marvel x reader #marvel x ace!reader #Natasha Romanoff imagine #black widow imagine #mcc x reader #mcc x ace!reader

12 notes · View notes

onlyhereforangst · 3 years

Text

WWR

this may be my latest one (aside from those that never saw the light of day), but sorry life calls sometimes. enjoy the rollercoaster of emotions at the end 😘

Oh Carl, poor Carl. How on earth is he going to survive with Nick? 🤣 Honestly though, Jack so sneaky with her therapy despite being halfway across the globe. I love McGee’s “obviously she thinks you need it Nick” because HAHA nail on the head right there Timmy, he definitely needs it. Needs it to prove to himself a living thing can depend on him and he won’t let it down.

They clearly still don’t believe in personal space, Nick does NOT need to get that close to look at a simple picture of a body on the camera 👀 broooo you so hooked on her she’s like a magnet pulling you in. Alsooooo them both officially switching to first names even in the field is so key. They might not even realize they’re doing it but at the same time they’re so (relatively) comfortable in their feelings of each other that they’ll say it in front of everyone, no qualms about it. I will also never get tired of hearing Nick call her Ellie. For someone so closed off initially, to now have slowly grown to call her on a first name basis when not a single other soul (sans Toby apparently) gets that sort of treatment 🥺😍 Plus he’s teasing her about food just slightly and it’s like old times again. Ellie getting back into her foodie status is perfect, thank you NCIS for finally giving us that.

Were back to Carl and I’m chuckling at Nick’s worry for killing it. That is all, it’s hilarious like Gibb’s creepy laugh.

Ok and now it’s Nick almost making fun of Ellie again, just barely and then he just…listens to her 😩 he just says, oh shit she’s really into this and borderline obsessed and I think that’s actually really f-ing adorable so let me just quietly take this all in because I can’t get enough of this woman and when she’s excitedly rambling about something I’m just going to soak it in because she doesn’t do this often so instead of teasing let me just look, listen and smile like the idiot in love that I am. He’s even kind of holding back a smile when she corrects herself about Kosmic vs Killer Korn. Like goddamn this woman does things to my insides even when she’s just talking about corn and poking me with her finger. Also we’re back to Nick taking a step back and letting Ellie take lead with questioning the food truck people- I love that he respects her so hard that he’ll follow her lead and knows she is a BA with this stuff.

Some more cute partner stuff as per usual, and I’m sorry Nick do you not have your own computer and desk??? I mean, I don’t mind and I know Ellie doesn’t either but Gould you BE more obvious??? Plus he just nods along when she’s talking because his woman knows what is up y’all and you should listen and bow down.

Nick calling Fornell, Toby is hilarious to me- such growth. “Emily is finally squared away” FUCK YOU NCIS. FUCK YOU. THE MOST POINTLESS LAZY STORYLINE EVER OKAY. AND I REFUSE TO DIVULGE THIS SHIT MORE BECAUSE IT PISSES ME OFF TOO MUCH. IF THEY DON’T HAVE THIS AS A LARGER PLOTLINE I WILL BE RIOTING. And yes I knew something major was going to happen but good lord that was so unnecessary. I digress. Ellie pondering out loud about Gibbs’ sad personal life and Nick and McGee’s reactions had be ugly cackling. Like dyyyyyyyying. I can’t with her 🤣🤣🤣 she saying what’s everyone is thinking. Nick giving her a little grief is also so perfect for them “yeah you DID say that out loud.”

Ok now to my favorite part, Nick once again following Ellie’s lead and being initially like oh you writing an article ok we’re going with that ok cool. And then Ellie says hold my earrings we getting crazy but at the same time this is rolling off my tongue like I’ve said it a million times and doodled it in cursive in my diary, my HUSBAND and I can help so like you know let us on your truck mister we’re vaccinated anyways. AND NICK I MEAN HIS FACE. The initial surprise of oh no did she *actually* just say that??? Did she??? why yes she did and I’m sorry why do I like the sound of it so much??? What is this bubbling feeling inside my chest of oh damn I would very much like to be her husband and have her babies and have her announce to random strangers on the street that I am hers??? Is this normal? Do I need to call a medic?? Can she say that again is there a reason she would need to? Prove our cover one more time baby, give me a quick kiss, serious it’s for the good of the case. But ok fine no kiss but yeah I’ll roll with this and call you smoothly with your first name and just play into it. I love them both so much in this whole moment. I love them undercover together and just being all cutesy and Ellie’s deepest desires coming out while she’s just you know, investigating the case.

Ok I am going to completely ignore the reason we are somber in this bullpen in fear of losing my shit again (see above) but we’ll break down the ellick part of it. Nick near her desk because he needs to be by her side even if it’s just her proximity 🥺 And then he takes a long look at Carl before looking at Ellie and man that is poignant even if it seems like just a fish. This living being that he’s been so stressed about keeping alive, realizing he HAS kept it alive. Realizing that he CAN be a person that someone (or a fish) depends on. Realizing he is built for long-term, he is built for the interdependency of a serious relationship. And looking up to Ellie and seeing that need for comfort, for strength, for a person to depend on. He knows her own strength and independence, knows yeah- she could do it on her own if she had to. But he also acknowledges he can be there to help her, he won’t break and he won’t let her down- just like he hasn’t let Carl down. So what does he do? He takes the corn he’d most definitely picked up *before* the news of Emily’s death (and oh good lord is that not the cutest fucking thing? He’d listened to her gush and obsess over Kosmic Korn (and yes if you freeze frame, he got her favorite because he’s observant) and he said, let me take notes, let me get my wife I mean girlfriend I mean partner some corn because it makes her happy, and if I can do even the smallest thing to make her smile goddamnit imma do it. I’m going to show her that any little teasing I give her is for show and I listen and I love this woman enough to go back to Kosmic Korn BY MYSELF—willingly Nick Torres will go back to a food truck—and get this lady some damn corn). But yes he got this before Emily’s death and now not only is it just to make her smile, but it’s a shred of “I hope I can bring you some comfort because otherwise I’m not sure how even though I desperately want to give you comfort.” And Ellie, the small smile of recognition at what Nick did is so sweet. And it morphs into a hesitant, yes corn is great but I really need to feel you, I need to touch you and know you’re still here. Feel you in my arms, feel your chest rise and fall as you breathe me in and I breathe you in. Feel you being alive after all we and this team have been through. McGee might go hug his kids but god I need to hug you Nick. I need to nestle my head even closer to get as physically close to you as possible, feel every inch of your warmth while I wrap my head around how short life truly is. And Nick looking down and stutter slightly at the overwhelming emotion he feels having her in his arms. The peace it brings him and the peace it brings her all-consuming. The realization this is where he was always meant to be and the same to her. How even in a somber moment he’s grateful to be her strength and yet he knows she’s also his strength. That hand that didn’t need to but came up all the same to cradle her head and stroke her hair- holding her head right at his heart. His heart that’s inevitably thumping in his chest for all the right reasons. Pressing her into him, doing everything he can to keep her from shying away and retreating behind those walls they both have. Wrapping his other hand around her upper back, shielding her from the hurt that is the world the best he can. If she never leaves his heart, she can’t be hurt. And he can’t lose her. He’d do anything to never leave that spot, that embrace he so desperately craves and needs. The grounding embrace of finally being in one another’s arms for more than a brief adrenaline-induced second. Neither wanting it to end, and yet knowing it will have to. And honestly I can only picture Nick’s hand still gently brushing her hair as Ellie leans back ever so slightly to look up at him, his warmth still radiating over her as he looks down. Wordlessly they both collect their things to go, never wanting a sound to break that moment. Hands maybe even brushing as they enter the elevator- the unspoken shift between them refusing to be broken if words aren’t muttered. They’re still locked in that embrace if the world stays silent. And that last look of longing at car doors, knowing the moment they step in and drive away it does have to sever- the shift is there but the embrace is split. Both swirling with thoughts as they drive their separate ways home as to where to go next…

Aaaaand then cue a Gibbs-centric episode with trash references to how vets do their job, I’m not bitter. She says as she ruins a sweet emo moment at the end of the wwr with her bitterness 🙄 ANYWAYS I’m gonna leave it with no side notes because honestly I don’t remember any and also it is literally the day of the next episode I’m so terrible at getting this done how do y’all keep waiting for me & reading this trash 😅❤️

#ellick #ncis #torres x bishop #wwr #18x09

29 notes · View notes

editorialsonlife · 3 years

Text

Well

Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.

LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN

Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.

WORK

Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.

Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.

Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.

Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.

So there's a lot to toss up there because......

HOME

We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.

Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.

So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.

We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.

Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.

either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.

We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.

PERSONAL

Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.

My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.

Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.

and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.

Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.

Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.

thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!

4 notes · View notes

cheekyaleigh · 3 years

Text

To Swing...

I have thought about writing this topic several times over the past couple of weeks. It seems to be an ever evolving and changing topic within Luke's and my relationship. Our feelings seem to differ from one day to the next. I think I will write this in two separate posts. So how about let's back up and let me tell you how the topic came up in the first place.

The very first night Luke and I met in person was hands down the absolute best date I have ever been on. We live about 60 miles apart so we had planned to meet on a Saturday night after a prior commitment of mine ended. I knew that it was expected to be over and I should be home roughly around 8ish. Luke drove up to my little town and we talked on the phone the whole drive. He actually beat me to the restaurant so he was standing there waiting as I pulled into the parking lot.

"My God, you're tall!" I laughed as I stood, getting out of the car. Of course, he had met me at the car and opened the door for me before I even turned the car off. His dating profile had told me his height but seeing it in person was still a shock.

Have you ever seen a picture of someone but then when you met them in person, they didn't look the same? Maybe they were younger in the picture. Maybe they had different hair. Or glasses. Or the angle just didn't capture their essence. Maybe they looked worse than their photo. Maybe they looked better. You get my point.

That's what I was currently facing. If I hadn't been talking to Luke as I drove up, I wouldn't have recognized him just going off of photos alone. Don't get me wrong, his pictures were cute and showed a good looking enough guy. But, in person? Damn. Luke may not be traditionally "handsome" but to me? He is incredibly good looking! I still look at him and think "How did I get so lucky?" But I digress. Back to the swinging.

After dinner, neither of us were ready for our night to end. "What do you want to do now?" He asked.

"In this town? Not much." I laughed. "I would invite you back to my place but there would have to be some stipulations agreed upon."

"Oh? What are those?" He eyed me carefully.

"I am NOT going to have sex with you." I already knew that I really liked him just from our previous messages and phone conversations. But meeting him and talking during dinner reinforced that fact. I knew I didn't want sex to complicate or confuse those feelings. I was still recovering from a long failed relationship, after all.

We talked and he agreed so we went back to my place. We sat up till 2 A.M. just talking. Have you ever just had an amazing conversation with someone and next thing you know 5 hours has passed? That's how this night went. We talked about anything and everything. No holds barred. Childhood traumas, previous relationships, previous sexual exploits, family, etc. Nothing was off limits.

If you've read my previous blog posts, I've mentioned that Luke has a very colorful sexual history. There isn't much he hasn't done or won't do. In his previous marriage, they started as swingers then moved to polyamory. That caught my attention and not for the reason you're probably thinking. No, I wasn't afraid that I wouldn't be enough for him. I was actually enticed by the idea that he could possibly be open to swing again.

"Is that something that you would want to try again?" I asked.

In my previous marriage, I had been unhappy on and off for years for various reasons that I won't go into now. At one time, I had tried to talk my ex into polyamory. I thought I wanted a girlfriend. Why? Because, in my opinion, everything about a relationship and sex with a girl is different than it is with a man. Not better, not worse. Just different. Sometimes I crave that feminine touch. (Now, I realize that I don't really want a relationship with a female. Just sex.)

There have also been times in the past when I have been sexually attracted to someone but unable to act upon it because I was in a relationship. I said as much to Luke. Just the idea that he could be open minded enough to discuss the possibility with me was astounding.

He said, "I'm not saying that I would agree to let you sleep with him. But if you were sexually attracted to someone, we could discuss it and see. It would depend upon a lot of things. Whether the person in question were trustworthy and would understand it was a one and done. Whether we are in a good place in our relationship. Because if a relationship isn't strong then swinging and/or polyamory is a bad idea."

Wow. Fast forward a few months. It had been a terrific night. We had spent the day together and had ended up at the local Japanese restaurant. Luke had tried to covertly place his hand between my thighs while the chef was putting on a show and throwing rice. Hibachi was a favorite of mine but it was my first time actually watching the show. (Side note: If you haven't been, I suggest you give it a try. It's a lot of fun no matter your age.) Needless to say, I was full of amazing food and a lot of laughs but couldn't wait to get home to fuck my boyfriend.

I was flying on nothing but happiness as we went to exit the restaurant. As we approached, the exit door opened and the finest specimen of mucular male police officer stood before me. (I TOTALLY have a thing for men in uniform. Fugly? Slap them in some BDU's and I'd probably fuck that.)

The officer stood back and held the door open for us. "How are you doing tonight?" Ah, and he had a sexy voice to match.

My panties were thoroughly dampened at this point and I was feeling pretty bold. I looked him down then back up and said "Fine and yourself?" in the sultriest voice I could manage. Luke gripped my hand and smiled as we made our way on out to the car. He definitely took notice.

"Baby, were you eye fucking that guy?" He asked leaning over and rubbing my pussy thru my jeans.

"Oh...So you noticed that?" I said coyly. "Maybe."

"Of course I noticed. Your voice was dripping with sex. Want me to go back in and ask for his number for you?" Still continuing to tease me as best he could thru the denim.

"Have you lost your mind?! NO!!" I said, stupified. Then, brazenly asked, "you would do that?" I could tell he wasn't offended or upset or I wouldn't have asked. And I wasn't asking because I wanted him to. I was asking because it shocked the hell out of me.

"Of course. If it's something you wanted. Cops, in my experience, are pretty wild in bed. You probably would have enjoyed him." Ah, my darling Luke and his straight forward, sometimes clinical, approach to things. Typical Virgo. I assured him that there was no need for him to go talk to the cop so we began to make our way home.

"Ok, so purely hypotetical question. Say I get pulled over. If the officer seemed interested, would you have a problem with me trading sexual favors to get me out of a ticket?" I asked, honestly curious.

"If it's something you discussed with me first, then no. I wouldn't mind. But we have to have completely open communication. Now, with that being said, you better be careful propositioning an officer!"

The rest of this conversation isn't really relevant to what I'm trying to explain. Only the fact that he again said he would be ok with me fucking someone else under the correct guidelines. This conversation was when I really started to believe that he may actually be that openminded.

To tell you the next tidbit, I need to tell you about Destiny. When Luke first told me about Destiny, I was threatened. They texted regularly. They had also met on a dating site and had been on a couple of dates before agreeing that they needed to stay friends. On one of these dates, they had made out and he had fingered her. And she is SO pretty. I mean...dayum. Curly black hair. A fierce independent personality. Bisexual. Loves sex and refuses to be tied down to one person. Destiny is the complete package of every single man's dream.

The day we went to the adult toy store, see previous blog post, Luke had sent Destiny a text telling her about our purchases. She text back telling him that she had recently ordered a spreader bar on Amazon and that she needed a willing participant to test it out on. He told me, of course, and I laughed it off at the time.

I had given it a lot of thought and had decided that I was going to ask Luke to introduce me to Destiny. I just wasn't sure how to broach the subject and explain exactly what I wanted. I don't remember exactly what made me decide to talk to Luke about it this particular night but I decided to go for it. I just remember that Destiny had came up in conversation. He was telling me about a conversation they had earlier that day.

"Baby, would you mind if I flirted with your friend?" Ok, not the most tactful way to ask but hey, I was in uncharted territory here.

"Uhh...what?" He looked completely lost.

"Well, you remember the comment Destiny made about the spreader bar? Would you mind if I sent her a message and flirted a bit." I asked again. I was so nervous I couldn't make eye contact.

"Oh! I don't mind. Here I'll unlock my phone for you." So he did and handed it to me. He appeared still slightly puzzled but had a knowing smile on his face.

I took a selfie and sent it to her with the caption of "A spreader bar, huh?"

While waiting for a reply, Luke asked "What are you hoping to accomplish with this?"

"I haven't thought that far ahead. I'm kind of flying by the seat of my pants. I want to be ok with you talking to Destiny. I know you guys are just friends. But I don't think I will ever actually be ok with it until I meet her and get to know her." Ok, perhaps a small fib. I had seen pictures and knew enough about Destiny to know that I could probably get in her pants or us have a threesome pretty easily. Since she and Luke were friends and he trusted her, I figured he would be ok with it.

Turns out, I was right. On both counts. The longer the texting went, I knew that eventually we would hang out and probably fuck.

So Luke and I discussed it and at length. While not opposed to the idea of swinging, Luke does have some insecurities because of how his conniving bitch of an ex-wife acted while they were swinging. So it was time I told him exactly what I was thinking and how I was feeling.

"Luke, to be honest, I really want to be with a girl again. I could never be in a relationship with a female because I am in the closet where my family is concerned. But I really really want that feminine touch." Yeah...my family is a long story for another time. "I can say with certainty that I would never leave you for another female because I know that that isn't in the cards for me." I really feel like he believes me on the female front. We have discussed it at length so many times at this point.

As of the time I am originally writing this post, Destiny and I have hung out once but I was WAY too tired after a hell of a day to do anything. Our work schedules are completely opposite and we have each had family obligations. We still talk occasionally but I feel like we have all but given up on each other.

Luke and I have created a profile on a swinger site but listed that we are only looking for a female. I mean, the guy can watch but I only want to play with his wife. As of yet, nothing has happened. More on that in the next post. Stay tuned...

#swing #swingers #bisexual

2 notes · View notes

derekmorganscrocs · 3 years

Text

Nancy Drew 2x9

Thoughts While Watching

Spoiler Alert!!

Aw no poor bess. AW PLATANCHOR ACE! Oh besties so cute. Poor bess oh no

Odette coming through with the pessimistic vibes about the day. Me. Always. “Nickolas” HAHAH Odette please. She’s so sassy. “No I’m not au-revoiring, you are.” Nick pls. GEORGES TATTOOS- George is gonna die omfg. Pls Nick is the only logical one here. OF COURSE IT WAS GONNA GET STOLEN YOU PUT IT IN YOUR DAMN LOCKER.

oh it’s probably Gil, not Grant. Sorry I thought you were a murderer grant. NOT THE PIE. why’d ace sound so sad about the pie. TELL ME STONER BOY DIDNT SNITCH.

AW ACE THE LIL FLOWER. “Aw Ace I’m so happy for you :) now I’m gonna die :)”. I think that Grant is an informant or something.

Sassy thief bad boy, I like. But I also don’t bc he’s tryna kill george. PROTECTIVE NICK! Detective Nick 😏. OH ACEMANDA, okay. Ohh

Okay wait I kinda feel bad for Gil. But mans is still going to end george. Oh Nick is v hot okay. Protective Nick. I love him. And Gil is kinda noble despite the whole killing george and theft thing ngl.

Carson coming thru. Of course, king Carson thanks babe. “Ok can GEORGE weigh in?” Pls george you’re funny.

BESS OMG WHAT R THOSE? TONGS? Carson and Bess moment funny. “Are you alright?” He sounds so fine with it but also so concerned. AW CARSON FATHERING BESS TOO PLS I LOVE HIM. The Drew Crew is now Carson’s Crew Of Baby Ducks.

Okay I mean at least Amanda didn’t spill. She’s so pretty too!!! Okay but I kinda like the bobseys ngl. Sorry guys. Gil is also very hot. I bet their mom either isn’t dead or is gonna show up as a ghost?? Okay but I feel bad for them no. Oh do I smell an Acemanda scavenger hunt?

NO NO NO NOT THE FANSON FIGHT. AW NO PLS I LOVE THEM. HES PROPOSING?! Oh no nvm. DO NOT BREAK UP. DO NOT. Fanson scavenger hunt?

Oh is that b dead? No nvm they’re still breathing. OH GIL JUST DIPPED. Patience impaired- MOOD. OH THAT WAS HOT “wasn’t this more fun than picking a lock” WOAH THERE BUCKO. YEAH BUT WOAH.

“Am I crying too loud” BESS IS A MOOD. Aww Carson is trying to distract her, please omg. Dad Carson is so cute. LAWYER BESS, LAWYER BESS.

Oh that’s creepy. NOT A BASEMENT- NANCY UR DUMB. OH THAT WAS SO FUCKING SCARY WHYD THIS PRINCE PHILLIP LOOKING MF JUMP LIKE THAT- NOT THE BASEMENT. fake wall? Yeah Gil break down that wall. OH GOD IS THAT HIS MOM?

HE STASHES THINGS BESIDE THE POLICE STATION- WHAT?! I love that. Acemanda could be cute though? Maybe? Idk I need to decide if I can share.

ODETTE IS BACK. Nick is so over it. WHY IS SHE SO SALTY ABT BEING STUCK IN GEORGE LMFAO. PLS “granite, limestone. Be done with it” ODETTE I CANT. She’s outta pocket. “Oh, well. Odette called me an idiot.” PLS NICK AND ODETTE ARE SO FUNNY.

Oh it’s just drawings, I thought it was a body. Poor Gil :( wait I actually feel bad. Ok I’m here for Gil but he’s pissing me off with this whole shroud thing. DONT KILL GEORGE, U HOE. Mommy’s ghost is boutta show up. NO WAIT WHAT IF SHE WAS KILLED BY A GHOST. she totally was. HAHA nancy got caught. I laugh but that was awkward.

KILLED BY GHOST, OBVIOUSLY. “We’ve heard great things about your restrooms.” PLS. Ace knowing nothing about art. NANCY ITS UNKOWN THEYRE OBVS NOT GONNA HAVE THE NAME.

Dad Carson aw. Pls besties Bess and Carson. AWWW THERE WASNT EVEN A HEARING. Carson should just adopt the entire Drew Crew. LAWYER BESS! LAWYER BESS! I WANT LAWYER BESS! Dad Carson please adopt me too. REASSURANCE. I LOVE.

“Technically they sold it to nick” “What?” PLS NICK/ACE IS SO FUNNY TO ME. besties are so funny. SHES NOT DEAD I TOLD YALL SHES NOT DEAD. IF GEORGE DIES I WILL RIOT.

GIL YOU NEED TO CHILL. SIR. PLEASE DO NOT DO IT. DONT DO IT. Oop Nancy is already there. SHES STILL ALIVE I TOLD YOU GUYS. please poor Gil. Aw, I feel so bad. She was definitely actually being haunted, but I digress. No please poor Amanda. “Why would she tell you but not me?” HIS VOICE GOT SO SMALL. TWIN MOMENT. okay but Amanda coming thru for the Drew Crew. WOOHOO GIL REDEMPTION!

“Cheer up Boss.” IF BESS DOESNT KEEP CALLING NICK BOSS ILL BE UPSET. “There’s still an old timey French lady living in my girlfriend.” AW OMG. ODETTE NO-

GEORGE NO. NONONO. oh thank god nick and Bess got there. Bess coming through with the lawyering. Nice. Bess crashing and burning here. “If you do this to george I wont have to imagine it. George deserves to live.” NICK- FANSON- CRYING. CRYING. OMFG HE LOVES HER. NICK I LOVE YOU. FANSON. HUG HUG HUG SWEET CUTE WOW. tag yourself, I’m bess crying in the background.

Nancy and Ace- “says the guy dating his twin sister” HE GAVE HER HIS HOODIE. I AM JEALOUS NGL. I’m very immersed in this, don’t Judge me. NOT THE BANANA CREAM PIE, NANCY PLS. oh they’re holding hands???

Acemanda on the boardwalk, the writers are stealing my ideas, smh. See: The Dumpster Fire I Call Life (linked below) OMG “I only need one” THAT WAS VERY CUTE AND I HATE IT. PLS STOP. JEALOUSY. CUE MR. BRIGHTSIDE- TPAIN SANS LE T- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE. ITS HIS BROTHER?! DO I SMELL FRANK HARDY?

Sister’s Thoughts:

“Why is Ace dressed like a fifth grader?” (It was the blue jacket with the green zipper that made her think that lmao)

“I’m just me, without any secrets,” Carson said.

“Except for your secret boyfriend.” My sister is the number one Caryan shipper.

“Aw Nick is the ghost possessing your girlfriend bullying you? Poor muffin.”

DUMPSTER FIRE FIC LINK:

#nancy drew #ace nancy drew #alex saxon #bess marvin #george fan #george fayne #nancy drew cw #ned nickerson #ace #nick nancy drew

6 notes · View notes

lumiolivierlithium · 3 years

Text

The Good Old Days Chapter Four: I Quit!

ICYMI: Chapter Three: Abuela’s Food Truck

A/N: Hi, friends! Here we are. Another day. Another week. Another chapter. And this one is 100% turning point. And it’s beautiful. So, as always...Feedback is appreciated. A like...A reblog. Just a little something, something so I know this isn’t a waste of time? Please? K, bye! x

Later that night, it was that time again. Time to walk into the fire. We could manage. If all else fails, I’m sure there’s a cool guy willing to buy us drinks again. But since there’s money in our bank accounts again, we could probably stand to buy our own. Regardless, it was yet another night at the salt mines. And a little positivity could go a long way. If we go into this pissed off and bitter, people are going to pick up on that. And I don’t need to bring that kind of energy. I didn’t hate all of the staff. Most of them weren’t exactly on my good side, but not all of them were terrible.

Then, I got to my first table of the night. And they weren’t assholes. I’ll take that as a win. My next table? Not miserable. Ok. Things are starting to look up. But then…Toward the end of my shift. There they were. Again. They came back. And they were in my section. Fan…fucking…Tastic. Still, I slapped on that fake ass smile they wanted to see. Because god forbid I come off like I’m pissed off to see them. Of course not. Of course I’m happy to see you. Because you coming in here means I get paid. That correlation fucking sucked.

“Oh…” she got one look at me and instantly turned her nose up. Awesome, “It’s you.”

“It’s me,” I confirmed, “Welcome back, ma’am. How may I help you?”

“Can you find me a new waiter?” she scoffed, “One that’s a little more competent than you?”

“I am competent, ma’am,” I kept my cool. Don’t let her piss me off. Don’t let her piss me off. Don’t let her piss me off.

“If last night was any evidence of that,” she rolled her eyes, “I wouldn’t say so. If you were in one of my restaurants, I wouldn’t have hired you in the first place.”

“I’m sorry.” That you ever crawled out of the primordial ooze, “Now, other than a new waiter, how may I…?”

“I want a new waiter.”

Santa Maria, Madre de Dios. Ruega por nosotros pecadores. Ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerté. Amén, “You were seated in my section, ma’am. I’m sorry, but I can’t get you a new waiter.”

“Then, we’re leaving.” Good fucking riddance. She says she’s leaving, but she didn’t even move. I wasn’t stopping her. If that’s the case, then what the hell was she doing? Other than terribly bluffing.

Then, as if the night couldn’t have gone further downhill, my manager came over, “Is there a problem here?”

“I want a new waiter,” the woman stood her ground, “I don’t care where I’m seated. I want a new waiter.”

“Of course, ma’am.” Spineless prick, “Frankie, can I see you for a moment?”

“Sure,” I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I followed him into the kitchen. Oh, shit. This can’t be good, “What’s up?”

“This is the second night in a row I’ve gotten complaints about you.” Taking me over his knee in front of everyone would’ve been less demeaning, “And from the same person!”

“She’s a prime example of the customer not always being right,” I bit the inside of my cheek in attempts to not blow right the fuck up about her.

“That’s not part of our job, Frankie,” the manager scolded me, “Our job is to keep them happy and keep them coming back.”

“It’s not part of our job to become their best friend,” I grumbled.

“If it was,” he went on, “I would’ve fired you by now.”

“Look,” I swallowed my pride, “I need this job. Don’t let this one customer be the deciding factor.”

“You got one more chance, Frankie,” he sighed out, “If I hear one more peep out of that woman because of you, you’re on your ass. I don’t care how bad you need this job. I want you to buddy up to her like your life depends on it. Because by the sounds of it, it does.”

In that moment, I wasn’t sure what snapped in my brain, but when I opened my mouth again, what I intended to say was some sort of empty apology and to go back out there. However, that wasn’t the case, “I quit.”

“What?”

“I quit,” I spoke a little firmer. That felt kind of good. I untied my apron and dropped it in his hand, “I fucking quit.”

“I thought you said you needed this job.”

“I thought I did,” I beamed, “But I don’t. It sounds like you need me more than I need you. I fucking quit! I don’t have to stay and deal with this bullshit anymore. Fuck her. Fuck you. Fuck everyone here I don’t share blood with. Later, bitches!”

And just like that, I walked out. I was done. My last shift was over. And I was done. I had a feeling that if I were to come within a hundred feet of this place ever again, it’s going to be a police escort off the property. I didn’t care anymore. I was done. I didn’t have to deal with the bullshit anymore. I was free. When I slipped into the alley to wait for César and Tony to finish up for the night, I put a quarter in the payphone outside and pulled out that business card.

“Hello?”

“You gave me your number, Old Man,” I couldn’t wipe the fucking smile off my face if I wanted to, “The least I could do is call, so you’re not waiting for the phone to ring.”

“Frankie!” he chimed on the other end. Oh, that just put a good feeling back in my heart. The only thing that would make it any better would be if Abuela’s truck came by. But this would do, “How you doing, kid?”

“I’m in,” I told him, “I’m so fucking in.”

The other end was quiet for a minute. Ok…Good feeling slowly going away. Say something, Old Man. You told me to call you when I was ready. Just fucking say something, “And your brothers?”

“Not sure about them yet,” I admitted, “But I know I’m in. And…Uh…Before I’m completely in…”

“What is it, Frankie?” he worried, “Everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine,” I wasn’t sure how true that statement was. I did just quit my job. Out of pure anger and a snap decision. But I also had this in my back pocket, “Are you busy tomorrow night?”

“Can’t say I am,” the Old Man told me, “Why?”

“My…” This was going to sound so stupid. But whatever it takes, “My mother wants to have you over for dinner.”

“That’s not a problem,” he allowed, “What time should I be there?”

Holy shit. I wasn’t expecting that to go over so well, “Uh…Eight o’clock?”

“I can do eight o’clock,” the Old Man confirmed, “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Ok,” I nodded, “See you tomorrow night.”

Slowly, but surely, I hung up the phone. What the fuck just happened? Hold on, Frankie. Back track here. One minute, you were dealing with the woman with the stick in her ass. She wanted a new waiter and you weren’t having it. Mostly just to piss her off because you’re occasionally petty. Then, your manager pissed you off even more. You quit your job because of you being pissed off. You called the Old Man. And…Now, you’re having dinner with him and Mama tomorrow night. My head hurts. I needed painkillers. And a lot of them. We’ll start with aspirin and work our way up to morphine.

“Hey, Frankie?” César came out first, “You alright, hermanito? You seem like you’re about to kill someone. Or like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“A little bit of both actually,” I sat on the back steps, “Watch your asses in there. I just quit.”

“Are you serious?” he gasped, “Frankie, why would you do that?”

“I wasn’t dealing with it anymore,” I did all I could to keep myself from crying, “Fuck this place, César. I’d love nothing more than to watch it burn to the ground, but I don’t have to deal with it anymore. It was either I quit or I get fired because of the same woman that was trying to get me fired last night. And I’ll be damned if I let her get the satisfaction. I called the Old Man. Everything should be fine. He’s coming for dinner tomorrow night.”

“So Mama can meet him,” César figured, “Did you tell him you’d take the job?”

“I don’t have much of a choice now,” I shrugged, “It’s either unemployment or employment. I don’t know about you, but I got a good feeling about taking the job with the Old Man.”

“We’ll see what Mama has to say about him.”

“The hell are you two doing out here?” Tony joined us, throwing on his jacket.

“Waiting on your slow ass to get out here,” I jabbed.

“Are you alright, Frankie?” he wondered, “I heard people say you were blowing up on the manager and that you walked out.”

“I quit,” I filled him in, “I got something better lined up anyway.”

“The Old Man?”

“Hope so.”

Just like any other night, the three of us hopped the subway and headed home. I’m not going to miss this. Not in the least bit. If the Old Man lets me work in the Narrows, I’d be spitting distance from home. No more subways. No more buses. No more public transit. I wonder if the Old Man would let me take his town car every now and then. That’d be pretty cool, too. Now, I just needed to tell Mama we were having company tomorrow night.

“Mama?” I went in first and did a quick look around, “We’re home. And on time.”

“Welcome home, mijos,” Mama greeted us from the living room, “Cómo te fué en el trabajo?”

“Long,” Tony threw himself into the armchair.

“Tiring,” César took the other end of the couch.

“It’s funny you ask, Mama,” I bit the inside of my cheek, “Do you remember me telling you about the man from the restaurant? The one we had drinks with last night that wanted to help us?”

“Si.”

“I talked to him tonight,” I went on, “Is it alright that he’s coming for dinner tomorrow night?”

“That’s fine,” she allowed, “I’m glad you took my advice, Francisco. I’m glad one of you listen to me.”

“We listen to you, too, Mama!” Tony whined.

“Antonio,” Mama hushed him, “I know you do. But sometimes, tu hermanito listens a little better. Isn’t that right, mijo?”

“I do what I can,” I kissed her cheek, “I’m going to head to bed, ok, Mama?”

“Ok,” her hand immediately went to my forehead, “You’re not getting sick, are you, Francisco?”

“I’m alright,” I assured her. I knew better than to tell her not to worry. She’d beat me senseless for saying something so stupid. But I digress, “Good night.”

“Good night…”

Today really did kick my ass. And it went by in a blur. I still had a hard time believing I quit the restaurant. I didn’t realize it’d be that easy. Fortunately, I had something else lined up. As long as Mama liked the Old Man, I’d be golden. If she didn’t…Well…What Mama doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right? And as long as he came through on our deal. Tomorrow couldn’t get here fast enough. So, I shut my eyes and hoped for the best.

The next morning, I got up bright and early. I knew Mama would be up, too. She didn’t have to work today, so we had all day to do as we pleased. Although, I knew I’d have to break the news that I don’t have a job anymore to her eventually today. She’ll start to wonder why Tony and César are going to work, but I’m sticking around home. There’s no way I took tonight off just because the Old Man was coming to dinner. She might kill me for it, but I’m sure the new job will be much better than the old one.

I looked over at my brothers’ beds and sure enough, they were still sleeping like babies. Aww…Every part of me was wanting to wake their asses up, but they had a long shift to put in tonight without me. Instead, I covered them both up a little better and quietly closed the door on my way out. And they seem to think I’m the one that needs to be looked after. Sometimes, I do, but nine times out of ten, these two would both be dead without me. I seem to remember a time when I had to stop Tony from walking into oncoming traffic. Regardless, I walked into the kitchen and found Mama already at the stove. I love her.

“Buenos dias, Mama,” I kissed her cheek and got the coffee pot going.

“Buenos dias,” she gasped, “You’re up early, Francisco. I would’ve thought you’d sleep until at least noon.”

“Guess I’m just up early,” I shrugged, peeking over her shoulder, “What do you have going on?”

“You said we were expecting company tonight,” Mama reminded me, “I thought I’d get an early start.”

“You wouldn’t want a little help, would you?” I offered. It didn’t matter what age I was. Cooking was one of those things that always came naturally to me. Why? I don’t know. But I didn’t care. Because I could still cook like a dream. That’s something that would never go away. And Mama knew that.

“I’d love a little help,” she allowed, “While you and your brothers were shopping yesterday, I should’ve had you get some rice. We’re completely out.”

“Really?” That never happened. Ever.

“Nothing,” Mama showed me the end of the big ass bag of rice. With no rice in it.

“I’ll go get you some, if you need it.”

“No, no,” she stopped me, “I’ll go get. You stay here and keep an eye on things. Make sure nothing burns.”

“Got it,” I let her go off to the store and stayed behind to watch all the pots boil. Oh, Mama…You overdid. I mean, I understand you want to go all out with your cooking when we have people coming over, but you didn’t need to go this hard. Bless this woman. May no misfortune ever befall her.

By the looks of it, she’s got churro dough started. Muy bien, Mama. Muchas gracias. I know what I’m having for breakfast. All it needed was to be piped. The oil was hot enough. Why not? I scooped the dough into a piping bag and started squeezing the dough into the oil. Sweet Jesus…There were few things as satisfying as the first churro in the oil. And Mama’s churros rarely disappointed. She had something secret in the dough and she’d take that secret to the grave with her. Even I didn’t know it and I knew all of Mama’s cooking tricks. Her churro recipe, though? Way too coveted.

“Buenos dias, hermanito,” César stumbled into the kitchen, still half asleep and admiring the small accumulation of churros cooling off to the side, “Hell yeah, Mama made churros.”

Just as he went to reach for one, I immediately slapped the back of his hand, “No.”

“Ow!” he nursed his hand, “What the fuck, Frankie? You still have a whole fucking bag of dough yet.”

“You know damn well Mama knows exactly how many this dough is going to make,” I shoved my finger in his face, “If one goes missing, she’s going to be pissed. Do you want to throw off Mama’s rhythm?”

“God no…”

“Alright then,” I went back to making churros, “Besides, those are still probably pretty hot. They just came out of the oil a couple minutes ago.”

“Speaking of Mama,” César sat down at the kitchen table, “Where is she? There’s no way in hell she’s still in bed.”

“She had to make a grocery store run,” I told him, “Apparently, we were out of rice and no one knew it, so she went to get some.”

“Oh, I can’t wait to come home from work tonight,” César swooned, “The best part about us having company. Mama cooks. And cooks more than what the four of us could possibly eat. We eat like kings for the next week.”

“Or your lazy ass learns to cook,” I teased him a bit.

“Why would I do that,” he retaliated, “when you’d do all the cooking for me anyway?”

“Because you wouldn’t do it right,” I rolled my eyes. Both Mama and I had a thing when it came to the kitchen. No one dares use it other than us, “I wouldn’t trust you ten feet in front of a microwave, let alone actually attempt cooking.”

“Thanks, Frankie,” César made his coffee, “Love you, too.”

“If I didn’t love you,” I argued, “Would I be doing this? Would I have beaten you for the sake of you not burning yourself on churros?”

“Valid point,” he gave me an appreciative nod.

“Good morning…” And there’s the other one. I was wondering how long it would take them to wake up once Mama started cooking.

“Morning, Tony,” I grabbed a cup for him from the cabinet and handed it off.

“Bless you.”

“I do what I can,” I went back to the churros on the stove. Mama always said to keep cooking them until they float. Then, take them out of the oil.

Oh, tonight was going to be a night. I could feel it already. My bones wouldn’t lie to me.

#The Good Old Days #fan fiction #fan fiction prequel #mafia au #switch #for the family #OC backstory

4 notes · View notes