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donkey-hyuck · 10 months

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UNDERSTAND:: jjh

idol!au | uni student!reader | strangers-2-lovers!au | fluff

“maybe we could try it if you let me

take you by the hand

you’re the only one who understands” - keshi

TW: food | profanity | lowercase letters

————

~ the night had shimmied it’s way to cover the now dark sky. you and your friends were out at some seven-eleven down the suburban street, taking a break from studying and watching all of the boys play their late night games on the court.

your friends’ lover had invited the two of you to watch him and his teammates play for a bit before going back to stuff your brain of information that may or may not pique your interest.

the two of you had now been sitting on one of the old beat-up benches with your ice cream slowly melting due to the humidity of the hot summer air.

all of the boys were goofing off and constantly teasing each other and their laughs (as well as you and your friends’) echoed through the open air. however the laughing came to a brief hault when a group of about four men asked to join a game. to which the boys boisterously agreed.

the game was neck and neck. not that you were keeping count, your friend was actually doing it for them but you knew they were tied. you could feel it. and by the time someone had finally scored a point (it was a three pointer by the group of four men), everyone was wiping their sweat and congratulating them with ‘good game.’

the group of men had left their belongings on the bench the two of you were sitting on. they were all handsome, that was for sure. even in their sweaty glory. and you hadn’t realized you were staring until you felt a slight puncture in your ribs from your friend.

“hi,” said the first, who appeared to have dimples painting his already beautiful face. the man had told his friends that he would catch up with them later as he turned back to you with his undivided attention.

“hi,” you awkwardly smiled back, looking at your friend who told you she was going with the boys.

the night long carried on, and the summer night breeze felt just perfect in a moment like this. you had learned the man’s name was yoon-oh (he prefaced that he preferred jaehyun, though.)

the conversation which the two of you were having was completely and utterly random. laughs and little bits of teasing were shared, and you don’t know if it’s because of the summer air or because you had been locked up in your dorm for the past couple of days studying for your finals, but something flickered. maybe not physically but emotionally, something was there and you knew you both felt it.

unfortunately all good things must come to an end. when jaehyun had received a phone call from his manager did your encounter finally come to an end.

“oh my god, it’s already one in the morning!” he laughed, “have we really been talking for that long?”

you took out your phone from your back pocket to confirm the time. and it was almost two in the morning. you both laughed out loud, too shocked that you got carried away in your conversation that really was not important. but it was important to you, and you hoped he felt the same way.

“when can i see you again?” he asked, pupils dilated as he took in everything he could of you.

“any time you want, really,” you replied, as he took your phone out of your hand and put his number in your contacts list.

“i’ll call you,” you nodded at his words as he walks further and further away. you can feel the freedom walking away with him.

—

every encounter with yoon-oh has been an absolute dream. he makes you feel like you again. he makes you feel free and he makes you feel incredibly happy. and he can say the same thing about you. everyone, even the makeup artists, can tell that his mood had just been uplifted. although they, of course, don’t know the reason behind it. they also don’t know that the reason is a person— you— rather than an item.

and you remember the exact moment.

he held you close, under the stars as the condensation escapes your noses. and this moment feels different. it feels raw. you’re facing him now, and he can see all the stars reflecting in your gorgeous eyes. he laughs, looking at the ground, not believing that he’s doing this now.

“what’s wrong?” you chuckle, gaining his attention back.

“i thought i’d be too scared to ever tell you this. and to be honest, i’m still shitting my pants right now. you make me feel nervous and calm all at the same time.”

you’re confused on where he’s going with this. he’s a great friend, but friends don’t hang out the way you two do, do they? friends don’t look at each other the way you two do.

he lets out a sigh before taking a step closer and shoving his sweaty hands in his coat pocket. “i cant believe i’m doing this,” he mutters underneath his breath, although you can hear him and it makes you laugh.

“doing what?” your nose scrunches, as you observe his stance. oh no, are things going to get awkward now?

“i like you… like- a lot,” he pauses, “… and maybe- if you want- i’d like it if we tried. if we can be together because that’s all i want and i know that’s all you want. our friendship was brief, i know- and it might be even shorter after me saying this to you- but none of it matters. even if you and i aren’t meant to be, i was eternally grateful to have met you… i still am, and i think i forever will be.”

your smile lights up with every word that escapes the beautiful man’s lips. he has so much to say and you think he still has more. although you know the answer to his upcoming question.

“you understand me. in ways i never even thought of. you’ve helped me escape my shell and you’ve helped me when i never even knew i needed help. our time had been short, yet i still long to be with you for as long as you’ll have me. you understand me and my feelings, and my heart, and my soul with every fiber in your being and i don’t know how much more i can handle. please, i want to create more memories with you. but i want to create them as a couple. [y/n], will you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?”

jaehyun has truly never talked as much as he did that night. and you enjoyed every moment of it. with the whistling of the winter wind, the hot air escaping his lips, and the thumping sound of your heart, you knew the answer. you knew the answer when you first met, as if you knew this was going to happen.

jaehyun feels as though he was going to cry. he had never had a moment like this happen to him ever. his feelings were just too overwhelming and he didn’t no how much longer he could last. he’s looking down at the ground once more, and he hears you step closer to him. you cup the side of his face to finally catch a glimpse of him. and in that moment, he never realized how undeniably in love with you he was. every stare, every touch, and every word has meanings he will never understand. his feelings are overwhelmed in that moment. he remembers.

and it’s in that moment that he will cherish you, your relationship, and the late winter nights as you close the gap you oh-so needed to close.

you had both understood everything the other person wanted and words didn’t even have to be exchanged.

you had understood the underlying feelings you had stowed away from the man since you first met.

jaehyun understood the true meaning of life, because he now had you.

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b1ackbunny · 6 months

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LOVE LIES

CH. 06 | LUNCH DATE (?)

A Bada Lee smau-ish ff

pairing: bada lee x fem!dancer!oc (jia mei yu)

synopsis: bada lee wasn’t looking for love when it found her. jia mei yu couldn’t truly comprehend the feeling inside when she was with her, on and off the dancefloor. when these two dancers meet by chance, a bond is formed and uncharted territories are explored.

word count:

warnings: definitely au-like… no mentions of swf or smf, uhhh idk any more, bad writing, friendly violence, a little inaccurate, unedited

previous: chapter 5

next: chapter 7

taglist (open): @badasgirlfriend @tikitsune @lil-elliesgf @prilux @badagf @badaslali @avocifera

masterlist

a/n: #combackszn sorry for the long wait hope y'all enjoy their little date!! also sneaked in a set up for my tatter x laura fic i might make… I just feel like that would be too good to not happen 🫦 actually reading this chap while writing and I’m realizing that i may be forming a hyper golden retriever x calm golden retriever relationship i love this

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Jia sat in front of her vanity, reading the comments on her livestream as they rolled in. She decided since she had time while getting ready for lunch with Bada, she’d do a short livestream. “Hello everyone! It’s been a minute since I’ve done one of these. I’m just hopping on while I get ready.”

She explained to the viewers, applying sunscreen to her fingertips before rubbing it into her face. “To pass the time, why don't we do a Q&A? Ask your questions and I'll answer them to the best of my ability.”

She fanned her face before grabbing her primer. Removing the lid, Jia read aloud the first question she saw:

user124: what are you getting ready for?

She spattered the primer onto her face as she talked. “Just the day, really. So far I’ve only went to the gym, ate breakfast, and answered some emails. But, I am going to lunch with a friend so there's that.” Jia mentioned, keeping a casual expression as she rubbed the primer into her skin.

user243: you're always wearing platformed shoes in most of your posts… how tall are you?

“I didn't even realize that. I'm 171.45 centimeters to be exact, last time I checked.” The girl applied a thin level of foundation and hummed to herself.

user947: what are the next groups you want to work with?

Jia thought about the question, tapping her chin. “That's a tough question… probably txt, nmixx, or ateez. Oh, and seventeen!” She began to contour her face and glance between the phone and her reflection in the mirror.

user328: what's your favorite song at the moment?

Jia began to fill and shape her eyebrows as she thought back to the song she'd played the most for the past few weeks. She cringed a little at the two songs that instantly came to mind, knowing that the viewers might think too deeply about the lyrics.

“Sorrows by Bryson Tiller or All I Want Is You by Miguel.” Almost immediately, she saw the comments come in faster. Holding back an eye roll, Jia began to shut down any ideas that were being sent.

“There isn't a specific reason why these are my favorite songs right now. So don't read too much into it.” Jia added concealer and skimmed through the comments, searching for her next question.

user429: is it true you’re collaborating with bada lee???

Jia laughed a little at the comment as she blended the makeup. “No, that's not true. However, if you guys convince her then maybe there's a chance. I'll have to think about it.” Jia smiled as she received a lot of comments along the lines of ‘challenge accepted’.

She answered multiple questions as she finished up her makeup, adding lip gloss before tossing it into her purse. She stood up and leaned close to the camera, giving a close-lipped smile as she wiggled her fingers under her face.

“Alright, now I have to accessorize, do my hair, and put on perfume, then I should be done!” Jia summed up as she moved to the bathroom. She opened one of the cabinets and took out her brush.

She held her hair into a ponytail and looked down at her outfit. “Ponytail of half up half down, which one should I do?” Jia kept her eyes on the comments as she took out a hair tie and a few bobby pins. The majority of the comments she saw said ponytail, so she went with it.

She added a little details to it by adding a middle part and styling bobby pins on each side of the front. Jia let some stray strands frame her face and she looked down at the phone and put two thumbs up.

Moving back to her room, she sat back in front of her vanity and opened her jewelry box. She tapped her chin before choosing a combination of silver pieces. “Alright, two final questions everyone. Choose wisely.”

user156: when will your next class be?

“Monday at ygx. I'm going to be there basically all day so come up to me if you catch me!” Jia responded while dabbing her signature scent in its regular places.

user805: are you dating anyone?

Jia instantly shook her head with a straight face. “No, I'm not seeing anyone. But, Jackson Wang if you're watching this… call me.” Jia quickly turned the question into a joke, holding a phone hand sign up to her ear and raising her brows before blowing a kiss to the screen.

Almost immediately, she dipped out of the frame and began laughing. The girl tried to return to the screen but read a few comments that only made her laughter grow. She covered her mouth and tried to relax her face.

“Alright… thanks for tuning in! See you guys later!” Jia blew a kiss to the camera and waved goodbye as she ended the live. She wiped a fake tear off her face and fanned her eyes. “I'm the funniest person I know.”

She stood up and looked at her outfit in the mirror. It really represented her maximalist meets minimalist sense of style. Jia picked up her tote and added her essentials before sitting on her bed. Bada texted the details last night, and she already forwarded them to Ryujin.

Jia looked at the time on her phone and sighed, thinking back to why she got ready so early. It was now around 10:40 and the pair agreed to meet at the location by 12. Jia made her way out of her room and contemplated what she wanted to do to waste time.

She walked down the hall and knocked on her sister’s door four times before going inside. Laura didn't bother to look up from her laptop as Jia walked in and lay down on her bed.

Kija hopped down from Laura’s lap and moved to lay against Jia’s side. Jia pet the cat who nuzzled into her side and stared at the ceiling before dramatically sighing. Laura ignored the girl as she typed away at her keyboard, increasing the volume of her music in the background.

Jia glanced at her sister before letting out an even more dramatic sigh. Laura rolled her eyes before swiveling her chair toward the direction of her bed. “What?” Jia immediately sat up with a bright smile painted on her face.

“Oh, nothing. I'm just excited to hang out with Bada today. You know, in person. Outside the dance studio.” Jia said with a sigh, continuing to pet Kija as she looked into the distance.

Laura glared and shook her head. “That was definitely a jab at me and Suyin… Just because we’re long distance doesn’t mean you can attack us like this.” Laura jokingly shook her head and wiped away her fake tears. Jia rolled her eyes and launched the closest stuffed animal at her sister.

Laura ducked out of the way and shook her head disappointingly, tisking at her sister as she spun back toward her laptop. “Next time Suyin visits I'm telling her to beat you up.”

Jia rolled her eyes and crossed her legs before placing Kija on the floor. “My apologies… Anyways, back to my thing. I did some research on the place we’re meeting and it's supposed to have a pretty scenery.”

Laura spun back in Jia’s direction with a smile on her face. “That sounds perfect for your date!” “Not a date…” Jia immediately followed up, earning an eye roll from Laura.

“It basically is. Watch, I bet Ryujin will confirm that it was, in fact, a date after her spying.” Laura confidently declared before leaning back into her chair and kicking her legs up onto the corner of her desk.

Jia sighed and leaned to the side, propping her head on top of her palm. “I feel like if it is, I won't be upset at all. It's just I don't wanna get my hopes up.” Laura peeked at her sister and sighed.

“Understandable. Also, why are you in here right now?” Laura crossed her arms and squinted at her sister. “I wanted to spend some quality time with my little sister!” Jia enthusiastically said, sweetly smiling at her sister’s straight face.

“Bullshit. Let me guess, you started getting ready too early because you were so excited.” Laura plainly worded, clicking the enter key on her laptop. Jia bit her lip in guilt, earning a laugh from Laura.

“You want her so bad.” Laura brought down her legs and completely spun in her sister’s direction. Jia rolled her eyes at the statement and fully sat up. “Yadda, yadda.”

“More like ‘Bada, Bada’ is the only thing on your mind.” Laura joked with a wink and Jia almost instantly cringed. She launched another stuffed animal in the girl’s direction, causing the younger to weave away from said stuffed animal.

“That was so bad, you need to be silenced.” Laura dramatically scoffed at Jia’s claim, holding a hand to her heart while her jaw slacked. “So now you want to silence queer voices? I'm already starting the cancel Jia Mei Yu tag as we speak.” Jia rolled her eyes and stood up from the bed.

“That's why you're not getting any leftover food I might bring back.” Laura gasped and immediately moved to apologize but Jia hushed her actions as she walked out of the room.

Quickly grabbing her bag and phone from her room, she trekked down the stairs and into the living room. Jia lounged on the couch and watched youtube videos while she waited for the appropriate time to leave.

She wanted to get there about fifteen minutes early so she would be able to talk with Ryujin before Bada was supposed to show up. When it reached a reasonable time, Jia stood up and grabbed her things.

Saying her goodbyes to Laura and Kija, she grabbed her keys and walked out the door. Once she made it out of the complex, Jia walked to her regular parking space and got into her car. She shot a text to Ryujin, telling her that she was leaving her apartment.

After she received a response, Jia ignited the engine and embarked on the journey.

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After parking, she got out of her car and looked at the time. Bada would be there in approximately ten minutes and Jia started to frantically text Ryujin while walking into the building. Apparently, the lunch spot was located on one of the higher levels.

Once she reached the destination, she couldn't help but notice how pretty it was. It looked to be a mostly outdoor-themed lunch spot and Jia had no idea how she hadn't been there before.

It kind of resembled a really pretty park area, but in the sky where you could see the skyline. There was a sign to first sit at your desired table and then press a button when you're ready to order. Jia found that pretty neat as she maneuvered through the tables.

She found a couple closer to the wall of the cafe and chose to wait at one of them. Jia scrolled through her phone as a text from Ryujin came in, telling her to look up and over to a table near the edge of the seating area.

Her head immediately snapped up and followed Ryujin’s directions. There, she saw her friend waving at her with a smile on her face. Jia smiled back and took a couple of pictures of her before shooting her heart sign, to which Ryujin reciprocated.

Jia anxiously bit her lip and scrolled through tiktoks in hopes of distracting herself enough for her mind to calm down before Bada showed up. She alternated between social media and texting Ryujin when she heard someone approach the table.

“Am I late?” Jia immediately looked up to see a slightly worried Bada reaching the table and she couldn't help the smile that took over her features. She shook her head and stood from her seat, meeting Bada in front of the table.

Due to the couple of inches from the platform sandals she sported, she was about the same height as Bada. She smugly smiled before greeting the girl with a hug. Her affections were immediately reciprocated and the pair hugged for a little before taking seats across from each other.

Jia discreetly looked over to Ryujin’s table where she was fake-reading a book while keeping most of her focus on the two. Jia turned her attention back onto the girl in front of her and held a soft smile.

“This place is so pretty, how did you discover it?” Jia questioned while looking around the sit-down cafe before moving her gaze back onto Bada.

“I found this place a couple of months ago with a few friends,” Bada answered with a smile as she pulled two menus from its holder off to the side. Jia hummed and thanked Bada for the menu when she handed it to her.

She skimmed the menu, secretly peeking at the girl across from her before setting it down. The casual attire that Bada wore looked good, and she smelled even better. Little did Jia know that the said outfit took Bada thirty minutes and five phone calls to put together.

Bada followed suit and pressed a button that summoned the waiter. While waiting for the waiter, the two began making conversation. Jia really enjoyed Bada’s facial expressions while talking, it made her look so passionate about the smallest things.

Jia also acknowledged how adorably dorky Bada was. She was convinced Bada’s little quirks made her like her even more. Once the waiter approached the table and greeted the two, they said their orders.

The pair continued their conversation after the waitress left, going back and forth with questions. “So, when's your birthday?” Bada asked while placing her chin on top of her propped-up palm.

“April 24th… I’m a Taurus.” Jia said, said with a hint of pride. She found her birthdate to be aesthetically satisfying to her mind when she thought about it in numeral form.

“Yours?” Jia rerouted the question back to Bada, subconsciously shifting in her seat to get closer to the girl.

A small smile hinted at Bada’s features before she began speaking. “September 22nd…” Jia’s hand immediately fell on the table. “Wait, you're telling me-” She cut herself off as she flipped her phone over.

Her gaze flickered between Bada and her phone, her shocked face morphed into an expression of realization. “Today is the 16th… its five days away!” Jia exclaimed, attempting to keep her voice lower than a shout.

Bada nodded with an amused smile. She found Jia’s whole reaction a mixture of entertaining and endearing. “This isn't funny, now I have to scour the earth to find a gift good enough for you in less than five days!” Jia half-joked with a huff, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms.

“Just a ‘happy birthday’ will work,” Bada said while mimicking Jia’s sitting position. Jia instantly shook her head at the girl’s statement, finding it completely foolish.

“Yeah, that's not gonna happen. I'm a great gift-giver so I can't miss an opportunity like this. If anything, this is more for me than for you!” Jia rambled on, crossing her legs as she spoke and tried to reason with the girl.

They had a staring contest and once Jia tilted her head and raised a challenging brow, Bada gave in with a sigh. Jia’s expression changed into a victorious grin as she hummed satisfactorily.

The waiter returned with their orders and the two politely thanked them. Jia took a sip of her beverage before leaning against the table. “So, tell me what you're doing for your birthday.”

Bada thought a little before shrugging. “Nothing much. I'm probably just going to hang out in the studio with my crew, maybe go to a dinner and a movie with some friends.” Jia nodded at Bada’s statement, the soft smile that graced her lips was unable to abandon them.

The conversation flowed through various topics, from favorite shows to funny childhood stories. Jia took many opportunities to discreetly try and find out bits and pieces of Bada’s potential sexuality standing.

Most of the questions she asked were pretty obvious to Jia, but Bada really had no clue what she meant by them. At some point, Jia asked Bada if she had ever watched ‘The L Word’ and Bada couldn't have been any more confused.

Jia was in the middle of telling a story about her and Laura in middle school when she mentioned someone she had never really revealed existed to the public. “Wait, you have a brother?” Bada asked, the surprise evident in her tone.

“Oh, yeah. He's the youngest and is still in school. A real pain in the ass, but I guess he's alright.” Jia answered before sipping her beverage. Bada hummed in fascination, pleased to find out something new about Jia’s life.

While Bada was telling a story about something funny that happened earlier this year with her friends, Jia couldn't stop staring at the breadcrumb on the corner of the girl’s lips.

She contemplated whether she should tell the girl about it or not. Jia didn't want to cut off the girl’s cute ramblings so she opted for the second thing that came to mind. She slowly moved her hand toward the girl’s cheek and held it while wiping off the crumb at the corner of Bada’s lips.

As soon as Jia’s hand made contact with Bada’s face, Bada’s actions paused and her voice died in her throat. A light blush came over her features once Jia’s soft thumb made contact with the corner of her lips. After a few swipes, the warm feeling of Jia’s hand disappeared from Bada’s face, causing the girl to internally frown at the lack of warmth.

Jia’s eyes held a look of genuine innocence and cluelessness at the feelings she caused to arise in the girl across from her. She signaled for Bada to continue speaking and took a bite of her own food.

For a little while, Bada’s sentences held a slight stutter as she kept anxiously fixing her bangs from time to time. Jia intently paid attention to Bada’s words, not minding the stutter at all.

Bada passed the conversation onto Jia, relaxing a bit once the the girl started rambling about a subject she was interested in. After many conversations and laughs, the two girls had finished their lunches.

Both of them learned more about each other and it grew their connection, as well as their feelings for one another. Once the bill came, Jia instantly took it. Bada protested, saying that since she was the one to invite her, she should pay.

But Jia wouldn't back down. “You bought me a snack yesterday, so I buy you lunch today. Also, weren't you the one that said ‘friends buy friends things’?” Jia confidently recited, a slight smirk resting across her face as she took her wallet from her bag.

Bada sighed and jokingly rolled her eyes with a grin on her face. “Using my words against me, I see. Fine, but next time… I'm paying.” Bada waved a finger at the girl and Jia waved it off as she placed her card inside the bill holder and signed her signature before handing it back over to the waiter.

Jia sweetly smiled at Bada’s fake frown. “Thank you for letting me pay, I could see how much it pained you to do so.” She dramatically thanked the girl with both hands on her heart, causing Bada’s facade to crack and a laugh to escape.

“It really did hurt me watching you pay. My heart clenched in agony.” Bada mimicked Jia’s dramatics while deepening her playful frown. The waitress returned Jia’s card and wished the two a good day before attending to the next table.

The two girls simultaneously stood up with a sigh. “This was really fun, we have to do it again sometime soon.” Bada voiced with a charming smile. “I was just about to say the same thing.” Jia agreed with a matching smile and a head nod.

Bada and Jia slowly made their way down to the lower levels of the building, carrying out their conversation for as long as they could. The two frequently brushed arms in the process, but neither of them addressed it.

Jia thought that their paths would divide once they stepped out onto the concrete, but Bada offered to walk Jia to her car. Of course, the girl accepted the offer. The pair continued their conversation as they slowly strode to Jia’s car.

Both girls didn't want to end the conversation, but Jia knew if she didn't Bada would be late for the meeting she mentioned earlier. Jia hugged the girl goodbye, staying in each other’s hold for just a moment longer than what seemed customary.

Jia watched Bada walk in the other direction before getting into her own car. Instead of igniting the engine, she sat behind the wheel and reflected on the past hour she spent with Bada. She couldn't help the giddy smile that graced her features as she excitedly tapped against her wheel.

Her soul almost left her body when knocks were heard against her window. Jia’s eyes widened as a hand fell on her chest before she slowly turned toward the culprit.

A breath was released once she realized the guilty party was Ryujin. The girl laughed at her friend’s change of expression before signaling her to lower her window. Jia followed her friend’s signal as she caught her breath and steadied her heart.

“If I died just now, just know you would be the one responsible,” Jia uttered with narrowed eyes, causing Ryujin’s smile to grow. “Well, good thing you didn't because you wouldn't hear what I'm about to say.”

Jia’s expression changed as she turned her body toward the girl leaning on her car window. “First of all, that place was great. Ten out of ten food, I'll probably go again with-” “Okay, okay, I get it. The food was amazing, now tell me what I want to know.” Jia cut the girl off with a hopeful glint in her eyes.

“That, my friend, was definitely a date. I don't even know where to begin on how much of a date that was. It was so cute, you two are perfect.” Ryujin continued to gush at the memory of observing the date.

A bright grin, with a hint of shyness, grew on Jia’s face as she covered her mouth at what Ryujin revealed. “You're positive?” “Baby, why would I lie about this?” Ryujin rhetorically questioned, a smile still present on her features.

“No, you actually might be right. Thank you for your service, agent baby girl.” Jia jokingly drew out with a salute, although there was still some doubt in her head.

“Anytime, except for the rest of the day. I can't believe I had to play spy on my day off…” Ryujin voiced with slight disbelief, shaking her head before saying goodbye to Jia.

The girl laughed at her friend’s claim and watched her walk away from the window. She rolled it back up and laid her head against the seat. A satisfied him drew out of her matching smile before she decided to start her car.

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bardic-grin · 2 years

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Update 2

Damn, it has been a minute since I’ve posted here. My life has been a little chaotic, so I’m gonna sum up the best I can and cover what’s happened so far.

1. I got covid. Not an experience I recommend to anyone.

2. Lost my main job. RIP donut shop.

3. Had a breakdown while at my other job. Also not an experience I recommend to people.

4. Started a new part-time job, but I’m worried it won’t cover rent or help my mental health in the long run.

5. Got sick due to exhaustion and the change of weather also is effecting my mental health.

So yeah, some unfortunate things have occurred, but some good has happened too!

1. I got into UW’s game design program. It is a certificate program, but I’m hoping it will help me gain the skills I need and become more hirable. I’m stoked to start it in February!

2. I made progress writing my book! I’ve been working on this thing since 2020 and to actually move forward is so nice and relieving. I’m wondering if I should make this page about my writing projects along with my video game stuff. Maybe I should?

3. My friend Michael and I are working on a game together. It is about a local library and some other spooky stuff, but I don’t want to say too much while we’re still in the noodling stage of things. When we make progress, I will share it.

4. Victoria and I are making progress on the comic we’re working on together. Slow progress since she now lives in another time zone, but I don’t think that’s gonna stop us.

5. I’m working on a new song with my friend, Brandon. It involves The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir and I’m so psyched! I’m obsessed with the books and it’s been a long time since I’ve found a series where I’m actively avoiding reviews and spoilers. I’ve read Gideon the Ninth awhile ago and I’m almost done with Harrow the Ninth. All that’s left is Nona.

So yeah, those are some things that have happened and are happening at the moment. Hopefully, the next time I update this thing, it won’t be months later.

Whoever reads this, I hope your day is going well.

-grin.

10/15/2022

#the locked tomb #gamedev #some unfortunate things #we do bones motherfucker #spooky library #life stuff #honestly does anyone care about life updates #I know I do but other people may find reading this tedious #some good things #how many hashtags is too many hashtags #tamsyn muir #no my heart isn't fine

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axlsrose · 2 years

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2,4,9,18♥️✨

Thank you!!! I feel as though 18 is personally picked for me to ramble because I know you know what that answer is going to be like 😂

2. How do you feel about Matt Sorum?

I’m going to be super honest here, I don’t know much about Matt because I’ve never been curious enough to look into too much? I really only know the basics when it comes to him as a member of the band. So I don’t have an opinion of him as a person really since I know nothing. Now I’m going to look into him though 😂

4. Least favorite song?

This is a personal attack because I love them all!! But if I had to pick I would pick Absurd. I listen to that like once every couple of days still though

9. How do you feel about Chinese Democracy?

I actually love it. I don’t think it’s the best by any means but I think it’s underrated and gets too much backlash because there is some good fucking songs on there

18. How do you feel about Axl?

No joke, I think I could write a literal 30 chapter book about my feelings about Axl. I like to call myself the leader of the Axl Rose defense team because let’s face it, I would go to war for that man if it was needed. The first time I ever saw a gnr video was the Sweet Child video when I was about 6 or so years old and from literally that very second, the man has had me wrapped around his finger. I know everyone has opinions and some are not good and they are completely understandable because he’s done a lot of stupid things. But genuinely I love him so much and he’s come so far all the time and he deserves the whole world (and I want to give it to him 😡) I guess to sum it up I literally love him, he’s my favorite person ever and I think that’s expected by everyone who sees this and knows me honestly. Also…..We all have eyes and that is seriously the best looking person I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Mr Rose, your hand in marriage please I’m begging

#also I can’t remember I sent you numbers for this ask or just thought about it #please tell me if I didn’t!!! because I want to send you some!!#thank you so so so much for sending these #and for allowing me to ramble about my baby axl #answered #jack-spawn #gnr asks #gnr #guns n roses #axl rose

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hotdamnhunnam · 3 years

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Kutte to Pieces

A/N: You guysss I don’t know why I keep feeling compelled to write these angsty shits within the KutteVerse, but here’s another 🥲 The mood came over me to write this when I was randomly reminded of this song that I’ve loved for years, and hearing it with Jax in mind brought me to tears 💔 This fic is set sometime after Kutte Open but can also be read as a standalone!

Pairing: Jax Teller x F!Reader Warnings: swearing, tiny bit of smut, angsty angst – descriptions of reader being dead (alive in flashbacks) and the intense effects her passing has on Jax

Word Count: ~2.3k

“Who was she, Daddy?”

Little man always saw the ghost behind the mask. Light through the empty burning steady. Lost love living on in Jax. The father only ever shared the surface of the facts—but knew someday his son would ask. Knew to be ready.

Ring-clad hand ruffles that soft golden blonde mop and tucks him into bed. Kiss on the forehead. Takes one tiny hand and holds it pressed against his chest, the presidential leather of his vest. Heart beats beneath and bleeds the words he never said. “You feel that?”

Abel nods a quiet yes. Kid raised in chaos knows that quiet says it best. That words are weak and weak is bad.

So does his dad. Knows words corrupt. Would cut you up. The pieces that he keeps of you—the life he still lives in the deep of you—that’s all he has to keep him whole. The truth of you is in his soul.

Light burning brightest where the threat of darkness lurks. To bring it to his tongue… feels wrong, beyond believing. Knows to even try would be a fucking crime.

For that’s just how words work: they fall short of their meaning. Every time.

He’d tried to put you into words back in his prime. When summer was the only season. Songs and sonnets. Heart spread wide, thought every word was honest. Never lied. But cast the pages in the fire when you died, and cursed himself for having tried. High fucking treason. Truly never was a reason for the rhyme.

Words can’t do justice to a single part, of all the light that he still carries in his heart, much less the sum. They can’t hit home.

That’s where you are and someday home he’ll come.

He speaks in silence to his little one. Just as he’d always done with you before your final day was gone.

Do you know me, son?

The answer in those eyes of Teller blue. Streaked with the sun, light of the mom he never knew. Shade of the Son—father who hides so much from view—yet still somehow the silent answer now feels true. I do.

Then you know her too. She’s right here and will always be. In me. In you.

***************

“I know we’re tempting fate.”

He’s down on one knee and your heart pounds at his rate. Soul bound forever to its mate.

“But babe, this is eleven years too late.”

Yes. Yes. You want forever with this man and not a goddamn second less. Love him to death and hope death has the grace to wait.

Only a month has passed since you came back to town. Already Jax has seized the Redwood birthright rooting him deep in this godforsaken ground. Has stood before the tree he’d climbed for all his life and cut it down. The prince of Charming cast away his cursed crown. He’d never thought he had the strength to pay the cost—but that was back when all was lost—with you he’s found.

Just needs a little time to tie up some loose ends. Make sure the club is in a good place when he steps down as Vice President. Clean break. No chance to take. Knows this is not the life for which he and his wife and son are meant. You bring new clarity and strength to him with every waking moment, give him faith with all the love you live to make.

To leave this life of chaos at his back Jax only needs a couple months.

But fuck this business of engagement—has no patience—wants to marry you at once.

That night in bed, after he fucks you dead, you tease him as if you don’t want exactly what he wants. Diamond ring catches all the starlight through the window, as your hand sweeps through the sun-gold strands on his beloved head, at rest beside you on the pillow. In the dark it sparkles so. “I thought they all say love is patient, no?”

He pouts and smiles in the same breath as his baby blue eyes glow. “Bitch, I proposed eleven years ago.”

You laugh as you recall just what he means, gaze bright as it replays the scenes. “Jax, you were high and bought a ring pop from a candy dispenser. Had me suck it while you fucked me wearing nothing but your leather. Said the universe was made for us to be together.”

He shrugs and smirks and kisses you all slow and tender. “Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. The stars told me this is forever.”

More than this or any universe could measure. They’d told you the same, ever since that first night when you looked up and saw all the stars in the sky spelled his name. “So you talk to the stars, Teller?”

There’s a line from a book or song that he remembers—you always bring a thousand words to mind and make them something more and something better—that’s the light of who you are. He lives among the stars. He never even saw them till he met her.

***************

I do.

That’s all he hears now as he finds you.

Lost you.

Always knew this love would cost you.

Fucking knew. Yet you had told him this was your choice. Anything is true in your voice. Still he never should’ve dared to fucking trust you.

But he did.

I did.

And trusts you still and always will no matter how he tries to fight it.

Still he trusts your heart is beating as he buries every piece of him inside it.

There are no words. Just the weight—of nothing—crushing—way it hurts. The death of everything his life was ever worth. The promise of another life inside of you that died before it saw the light of birth. The wait—the curse—of being crushed to fucking dust yet forced to stay upon this earth.

I do.

Just ask the stars above—I’m still right here my love—inside you.

Death just blinds you. Stars were wrong to think the lies they told could bind you. He’s the one who comes running back home and finds you.

Finds you like this. Reaper inked in ruthless black upon his back reminds you both the stars can’t fight this.

All the stars are fucking gone. Dusted and done.

You were the only fucking one.

***************

You have to go on.

For your son.

I know—it feels as though you’re nothing but a shadow—but to him you’re still the sun.

He knows that’s what you would’ve told him. But your arms aren’t here to hold him. In your wake there’s nothing but an empty ache and he can’t rise to face the dawn.

Jax hates the fact fate made you go and made him stay.

He feels that way—for just a day.

On some level he always will.

But on another level knows that he remains upon this earth with two roles still left to fulfill.

To be a father—love his sweet son like none other. Just the way you would’ve loved him as a mother. That’s the purpose that the echo of your love seeks to instill. Swallow your loss as if it’s not a fatal pill.

The second purpose isn’t one you would’ve blessed. But love alone can’t fill the hole cut in his chest. His other role is to wreak vengeance for the precious blood his enemies had dared to fucking spill.

To fucking kill.

To kill everyone else. Condemn them all to hell.

Until he’s finally earned that same fate for himself.

He wakes each morning to your ghost.

So faraway—and yet he knows, with every passing day, the homecoming he craves is pulling close.

***************

Not close enough.

It’s fucking rough.

First and last time he even tried, to have a woman in his bed after you died, he kept his back to her all night and fucking cried.

She was still there come morning light. Still hoping he would let her touch and hold him tight. That he would come inside. She wouldn’t even mind, if he just took her from behind, to who she was completely blind, and called the name of his lost bride. She lied that it would be alright.

That was what made it even worse.

The love that blessed him while you lived, the greatest blessing life could give... was now a curse.

It was his cross to bear—not hers. Nor any others. Didn’t seem it would be fair, for him to go to that dark place and take her there. He drowns alone in these dark waters.

All those years ago when you had first left town, the both of you so young... he drowned in every fucking hole he found. He didn’t care if it felt wrong. Your face was all he ever saw when he looked down. Your name the only prayer on his tongue, with every push and pull and pound.

He prayed that you would stay away yet all at once dreamt of the day the stars would bring you back around.

There are no dreams left in the deep.

At least he’d stayed afloat with some mad sense of hope, back then when he had fucked to cope. Vowed once to love you till you died and lived if only for that one promise to keep.

Now all he hopes for is the end of his own rope. His own soul last upon the list he’s cast to reap.

At least he finds you still when he falls fast asleep.

In dreams—some nights they’re sweet in which he fucks you till you’re bursting at the seams—but other nights the price of seeing you again is high and steep—he finds you bled to death upon the floor and fucking screams. The whole damn town can hear him weep.

Some of those nights he’ll wake to something soft and warm.

A little angel in his room. Almost afraid to come, but somehow brave enough to bring his father home. A tiny hand upon his arm.

Daddy, don’t cry.

The father’s grief, in stark relief, felt by the son who loves him more than anyone and doesn’t dare to ask him why.

He sees himself in those blue eyes.

He sees his wife—the star that fell so many years ago to save this precious life—and finds the light you left behind that never dies.

***************

A year has passed, since Abel asked.

He’s old enough at last... that Jax can slowly start to peel away the layers of his mask.

But to make sure his son feels no guilt, for the reason you were killed, is no small task.

He doesn’t want to spell it out. But knows a half-truth casts full doubt. Secrets dig graves, and though your path to heaven and his path to hell have already been paved, with all the lies that crushed your dreams until they caved... his little son can still be saved.

Silence so often says it best. Means more. But words do what they can to fill the rest—to make the chaos of the stars hurt just a little less—pick up the pieces, seek some peace amidst the war. To make some sense of why the stars make such a mess. That’s what they’re for.

Even in anarchy there’s order. Clarity cuts through the chaos and collects the pieces scattered in the blur.

Places his hand upon that tiny heart and tells him who you were.

***************

It’s just a stone.

Just dust and dirt and buried bone.

The last respect that you were shown, before you left him all alone.

He hates it here. Ever since you were laid to rest hasn’t returned in seven years. Feared that the flowers on your grave would wilt, beneath the pall of grief and guilt. Fall to the cursed salt of his tears.

His tears have no right to be spilled. Your blood already was—your dying breath had begged him not to blame himself but hell of course he does—said he would love you till you died, made you his bride, and so love killed.

He hates it here. But comes today to face his fear.

The sun is bright—the star so near it gives this world a thing called day amidst a universe of night—and by its light, he doesn’t shed a fucking tear.

He doesn’t hate a fucking thing.

This universe was made for only one thing.

Leaves a kiss in case the dust of you can feel something.

It’s just a stone, this tiny rock that turns around the closest star; this isn’t where you are. You’ve made your home somewhere beyond the buried bone, dug in the dirt of Charming.

Somewhere doesn’t feel so far. So close at last you hear him calling—darlin’, I’m coming.

***************

Said the universe was made for us to be together.

Jax smiles at your words—echo no longer hurts—out on the highway as the wind whips past the reaper smiling back upon his leather.

Seven years spent cut to pieces. In the wake of love those pieces of his soul had gone to war.

But now at last the cage that keeps him on this cursed earth releases. Sets him free to seek the chaos of the stars... to ride the sky to where you are... that’s where peace is. He’s whole again and so much more.

The one star calling... all the other stars are falling, to make room for him to come.

Darlin’, I’m home.

***************

… So I love how this turned out and would *really love* to hear from you, if you love it too 🥲♥️

– KutteVerse Masterlist

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Tag List – Join Here!*

*If you’re unable to use that link to join the tag list, just let me know and I’ll manually add you to it!

@itsme-autumn @rebelwrites @happyhunnams @band--psycho @witching-hour @est11 @edonaspanca @ughdontbeboring @neverland14353 @starbooty @coffeequeenxx @innerpaperexpertcloud @i-love-scott-mccall @six-camelot @alexa-rae-dreamz @justme2042 @awesomenatalia @auroraariza @rochyu @coffeebooksandfandom @inlovewithcharliehunnam @turner-cris @thesuicidalflower @chrmdnbeautiful @xladymacbethx @holl2712 @snow-white-74 @moonlight-fern @stitchesbystults @lilacyennefer @magic-room @sunflower12335 @trishmarieofficial @smoochesfroggos @o0idk0o @beth-winchester21 @flaireandsynch @littlebennettwitchsblog @got-to-love-a-badboy @noneofyourbusinessssblog @notquitecannon @wayward-avenging @travistheaussie @helloheyhihowdyheya @christycarnell6 @dinopin @leathercladmenfics @magictehnique @amberembers @addcrastinator3 @gemini0410 @waywardodysseys @foreve-free @midnvght-lies @wiccanash @batmanb @xbreezymeadowsx @louisianalady @perhapstan @beethebuzzbuzz72 @boredintheglade [hit the 50-tag limit – list to be continued in a reblog of this fic]

#jax teller #sons of anarchy #soa #charlie hunnam #jax teller imagine #sons of anarchy imagine #soa imagine #charlie hunnam imagine #jax teller fanfiction #sons of anarchy fanfiction #soa fanfiction #charlie hunnam fanfiction #jax teller x reader #jax teller x you #charlie hunnam x reader #charlie hunnam x you #kutte to black #KutteVerse

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silverthetheorist · 3 years

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Wilbur returning as a writer is good (and why it will be an uphill battle)

I am back I guess. I disappeared for a while, which I tend to do. Anyways, my point today is explaining why Wilbur returning as the writer of the SMP is the best possible thing for the server. I’ve seen a lot of hate towards Wilbur and his writing, people say it was too focused on his own character and leaving everyone else out except for Tommy, to which I say.... Have you seen Season 2? They could have renamed the SMP the “Tommy, Techno, and no one else SMP”

Before showing proof to how Wilbur can improve the storyline let me talk about the Final Disk War Arc for a bit:

- It was very good!.... Until you start thinking about it for a little bit. When everyone showed up to say goodbye to Tommy and Tubbo and the Endgame moment were good, but then you remember half of those character either hate Tommy, barely interacted with him or have nothing to do with the plot of Season 2 (Because everyone who was not called Tommy, Techno and Dream were left out). So yeah, those moments are good on their own

- When Tommy starts listing all the horrible things Dream has done to everyone in the server and can’t think of any besides a joke about Quackity not wearing clothes... Even they know no one had any stake in the plot jesus

-Dream ending up in the prison was the perfect ending. Anyone else ending in that prison would not have made sense from a story perspective. Glad they dodged that narrative bullet.

Really, the Final Disk War made me realise the biggest problem with season 2. The exile arc is very good... on its own. Doomsday was very g- hahahahaah... I’m kidding Doomsday is the only bad bad event on the SMP. And the Final Disk War is also very good. But when you put it all together.... it just doesn’t fit. This is a classic example of something being worse than the sum of its parts (Not sure if I am using that phrase correctly but you get the point... hopefully). Each arc on its own is fairly competent but how did Techno’s execution affect the rest of the arcs? How was the Final Disk War affected by prior arcs? It lacks cohesiveness and consistent themes.

Now I have two more things to say before I give Wilbur his credit:

- I’ve mentioned Eret, Fundy and Nicki a lot because I think they were great characters with a lot of potential. But, as we know, the story completely ignored them in favor of Dream, Techno and Tommy (Even Tubbo was sidelined for most of the Story). I am not insinuating anything, but something about one of the few LGBT CC of the server, one of the two women of the server and the only (I think) canonically trans characters being left out of the story they have been a part of since the beginning just... doesn’t feel right to me.

- I LOVE Ranboo. You can see the passion and dedication he puts in his story and I love it. But, has he really done anything? Like... that affects the plot. He grieffed George’s house with Tommy but you can cut him out of it and nothing changes? Same with blowing up the community house, you can just say it was Dream and cut Ranboo’s character all together. If you can remove a character and the plot does not change then that is a bad character. And this is not Ranboo’s fault, you can tell how passionate he is and he is definitely the best actor of the SMP (Low bar there but whatever), but the Storyline says: No, your character cannot actually do anything. This also fits together with the Eret, Fundy and Nicki situation: A character giving his opinion and feeling over an event is not a character being involved in the plot. That is a reactionary character that never affects anything but is delegated to just reacting to the plot other characters move. Sad.

Now. How can Wilbur fix all of this? The evidence can be seen on his failed resurrection. He went directly to Eret to ask for help. That is the key to everything.

Tommy is the main character. There is no changing that this far into the story. But by writing stories that involve other characters you include them. Big shocker there, I know. Season 2 was more character centric (Although not in a good way), the problem is that character centric stories cannot handle that many characters. Wilbur has said that he prefers geopolitical plots and why is that? A country has many people, not only one. if you built and open narrative, it allows for anyone who want to be included in the story to... well, be included. And a story being more geopolitical does not mean it is not character centric, but a character-centric story cannot be geopolitical.

Why did I mention him asking Eret for help before Philza joining in? Because it is simple thing like that the way to go to include other characters. If you invite another CC into your lore event, then that CC can develop how his character interacts and grows from that event. You see this with Eret, he shows regret over the betray, he shows his love for Fundy and his respect for Wilbur. It really is not that hard to do, which makes everything season 2 has done way more infuriating. The ONE thing Wilbur decides in season 2 showed more skill that anything in season 1 (Kind of an exaggeration but you get the point).

So to summarize, Wilbur will improve season 3 in two ways: Writing a bigger narrative that sustains more character and inviting said left-out characters to help out on events that they may not really have a lot of stake in.

Why it will be an uphill battle you ask? Because they got rid of L’manberg. The geopolitical stuff is barely present anymore. And season 2 negative’s will still affect the future of the SMP forever just as the strength’s of season 1 impacted the mix reception season 2 had.

PS: English. Me make mistakes sometimes. Me sorry. Also sorry if I rambled a bit too much. Head full.

PS2: The egg plot is cool and new and refreshing. But I cannot say it is very good until I see what the emotional core of the story is. It is still fairly new so I will give it the benefit of the doubt.

PS3: Sorry if I was too negative again, but there are already so many people pointing out the good things about the SMP. This fandom forgets that they are allowed to not like things, and disagree with the CC. I see many post per day saying things like: If CC does this (Insert stupid idea) then we (Their viewers who they have to appease in some way or another) we CANNOT COMPLAIN EVER. Like, no. Have some critical thinking and point out bad when you see it, I know this fandom is capable of it but many suppress critical thinking in this fandom in favor of very weird hive-mind ideas.

PS4: Dream’s song is not it. I am sorry.

#dream smp #dream #georgenotfound #SapNap #tommyinnit #tubbo #eret #nihachu #fundy #wilbur #wilbur soot #technoblade #phliza #ranboo #awesamdude #badboyhalo #Skeppy #antfrost

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dontcallmecarrie · 3 years

Text

No Hero [And Not Made Of Stone]

...I’ve got nothing. Not even sure where the idea came from, but as per usual, the moment my brain had an idea it immediately took it by both hands and ran with it so here you go. Name for this AU might change, but for now here have another song lyric [from Five Finger Death Punch’s “Wrong Side of Heaven”]

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Warnings: mild profanity, dysfunctional families, a metric buttload of gender and identity issues, because the protagonist is a possibly agender character [their stance on gender can be summed up as “huh, those parts are new. Weird. Moving on”]. Not exactly Tony-friendly at times, but not for the reasons you’d think.

To sum up: haven’t done a SI-OC fic before, let’s see how it goes. Under the cut, because RIP mobile users otherwise.

Justin Hammer’s name wasn’t always Justin Hammer.

He doesn’t really remember what it was anymore, but he knows that much.

Honestly? This ‘memories of another world’ thing was more a pain in the ass than anything else, at least at first.

It might’ve been cool if they remembered something useful— concrete dates, specific innovations, hell, even any tips of what stocks to invest in— but no, they had to get short end of the stick with weird dreams, identity crises, and a longing for a family they’d never had.

Oh, and another round of puberty, because of why the hell not. Like last time hadn’t been enough of a pain in the ass.

Ugh. They wanted a refund.

...okay, so it probably could’ve been worse.

Justin has vague recollections of going to sleep hungry, of huddling with their younger sibling under blankets because their parents couldn’t pay the electrical bill— so really, in the great scheme of things, being born as part of the 1% this round was. Something.

Trippy as hell, is what it was, honestly.

This family was loaded, and under other circumstances, they might’ve even been able to enjoy it— if, y’know, they hadn’t had the incredibly shitty luck of being born two years before Tony Stark.

“Look at what he’s doing, that could be you” this, “study hard, he’s going to be your rival” that— geez, if any other kid had been in Justin’s shoes, he would not have envied them.

If he didn’t already have a firmly established sense of self, it would have been a mindfuck of a childhood because for some reason, his father kept comparing them? And yeah, Justin could kinda see some of the parallels— they were about the same age, both firstborn sons and heirs to their parents’ respective companies— but that’s about where the similarities ended.

Look, Justin wasn’t a genius, okay? He was fairly bright for his age, but...he wasn’t a one-in-a-million prodigy. And, up until he was 6, that had been acceptable.

But then the press went wild because oh, look, Howard’s son built a circuit board at age four, and it all went downhill from there because suddenly, being normal wasn’t good enough. Not for his parents, anyway.

Sometimes, he wondered what would’ve happened if it had been another kid in his shoes— how they would’ve handled the small army of private tutors and the extra classes they kept being signed up for in the hopes of finding something they excelled in.

The pressure of constantly being compared to a once-in-a-generation prodigy, and always being found wanting.

Justin wasn’t afraid of hard work— but it was grating, even for him.

Really, just about the only silver lining to this ‘second life’ thing was his adorable little sister, Stephanie.

She, at least, looked up to him: her gap-toothed smile didn’t hold any expectations for anything other than the piggyback rides he regularly offered, and this time he didn’t even have to worry about medical bills, or—

Anyway.

His family and the Starks run in the same social circles, because of course they do.

Now that he’s getting older, Justin’s being dragged along to all of the fancy shindigs with his parents, and it’s only due to two lifetimes’ worth of self-control that keeps his polite smile from wavering when he’s introduced to the bane of his existence.

“Hi, my name’s Tony Stark.” The little brat said, and Justin bit back a sigh as he shook his hand.

...so, the Stark heir his father wanted to be his rival was a kid. Actually a kid, which just made this mess that much more pathetic because part of Justin had almost been starting to want to buy into this rivalry thing, but.

In this life, and the last one, they’d been an older sibling.

This time, despite everything, he could tell he was softer— he had never gone to bed hungry, never had to worry about the roof over his head, or being solely responsible for his younger sibling’s health and safety— but.

Old habits die hard.

Of course Justin’s father hears “the Starks are sending their seven-year-old heir to boarding school” and thinks “good idea, why didn’t I think of that?”

Of course.

Of fucking course.

Steph had cried when they’d packed their things, and for that alone, Justin would never forgive their parents.

The other brats at boarding school are more invested in the Hammer-Stark rivalry than they are.

...this was going to be a long 9 years, wasn’t it.

One of the perks to going to one of the most elite boarding schools in the world was the options. Certainly, Justin doubted other places offered skiing and fencing and over eleven languages in their electives.

Not that he was complaining: it was definitely a way to keep busy, certainly much better than the constant attempts at one-upmanship that came part and parcel with cramming the richest heirs, heiresses, and honest-to-goodness royalty in one place.

At the end of the day, though, they were all kids. Bratty, entitled little shits who were still at the stage where they constantly went “my father will hear about this!” and Justin had way better things to do with his time than engage in those petty little playground attempts at power plays.

So he dove into everything the school had to offer, bouncing from elective to elective like a ping pong ball, and trying not to think too hard as to why Spanish had come so easily to him, though he’d never studied it before— or why he’d felt a pang when the instructor had congratulated him on his accent.

Somewhere down the line, Justin...kinda made a name for himself? Apparently?

Ugh, they’d never understand these people.

Okay, so apparently he’d kinda become an older brother figure of sorts to the brats around here? Somehow? Even though he hadn’t exactly been planning on doing anything of the sort when he saw an underclassman struggling during practice, or stopped fights before they could start in the common room because he’d just sat down and didn’t have the patience to move all his stuff somewhere else to study.

Didn’t make sense to him, but apparently it was enough for some of the professors to write ‘good leadership skills’ on his transcripts, so whatever.

As a bonus, it made his old man happy. Not that Justin gave a damn about what he thought about him personally, but the increase in his ‘allowance’ [it was in the triple digits, like hell he was calling it that] was nice.

Among the hobbies Justin bounced between, there were a few that raised more eyebrows than others.

Knitting, for instance, was something some of the more annoying brats liked to laugh about. They eased up when they found out he sent the scarves and hats he made to his little sister, but... eh, whatever.

Sewing, too— apparently it was okay if it was framed as a Boy Scout-esque ‘know the basics so you can always be prepared!’ way, but the moment he did any sort of embroidery there went his respectability.

Well, at least nobody gave him a hard time about cooking. But then, his chilaquiles had some of these guys’ eyes watering just from the smell of it, so.

It still didn’t sit well with him sometimes— kinda like how puberty had Not Been Fun on a number on levels, but hey, if all else failed, he could just ignore it harder.

It hadn’t failed him yet.

Stephanie insisted on going to boarding school with him when she got to the age he’d been shipped off at.

It was...nice, having his little sister around again.

It was a good thing Justin had been okay with being designated the heir of Hammer Industries, because Steph was... exactly like he remembered her.

Cheerful, upbeat, startlingly devious and manipulative when she wanted to be, and just a tad bit spoiled.

...okay, so Justin had probably contributed a bit to that last one. In his defense, he’d been doing his best to shield his sister from the staggeringly high expectations he himself had to deal with, but look, he wanted at least one of them to have some semblance of a happy childhood, okay?

Goodness knew he hadn’t [not this time, nor the last].

Stephanie wasn’t interested in the family business, was more interested in pursuing a career in the arts.

Justin, of course, encouraged her wholeheartedly.

Their parents weren’t entirely happy about it, but...wasn’t like they had much to complain about. Not when Justin was always in the top ten of his year, not when the professors practically gushed over his responsibility and work ethic.

He was no Tony Stark, but he’d made a name for himself nonetheless.

“So, we’re supposed to be rivals?” The bane of his existence said once, at yet another gala. “Howard says so, anyway.”

“Seems that way,” Justin shrugged as they pilfered a flute from a nearby table, carefully not commenting on how he’d referred to his father by his first name. Talk about a strained relationship, right there.

“You’re not really acting like one.”

“Well,” Justin sipped at his flute before making a face when he discovered it was champagne and not apple cider like he’d hoped, “it’s nothing personal, just business. Healthy competition, y’know? Someone’s got to.”

Stark eyed him for a moment, before giving him a brilliant smile. “You know, I think I’d like that.”

Justin would never, ever understand these people.

In the time Justin Hammer got his degree in business, Tony Stark got several Ph.Ds.

Not that he envied him: the idea of being shoved into the limelight after losing his entire family? Hard pass.

For some reason, Tony Stark seemed to think they were friends.

Why.

Sure, Justin tried to be as cordial with him as he did with anyone else, but... how on Earth did that translate into being friends?

“You look at him like he’s a kid,” Steph says once, laughing, “you look at all of us that way, haven’t you noticed?”

“Well, to be fair—”

“You’re only a few years older than us, but you keep acting like you’re dad. More like a dad than our actual dad, sometimes,” her smile dropped for a moment, “don’t think I forgot that time he didn’t even call for your birthday.”

Justin made a face. “But what’s that got to do with anything?”

She sighed, then gave him a smile and a look he couldn’t decipher. “You’ll figure it out eventually.”

By the time Justin Hammer became the CEO of Hammer Industries, Tony Stark had held the same post in his company for over half a decade.

Yet...well, something weird was going on.

Maybe it was because Justin’d had more time to prepare for the cutthroat world that was the defense industry, but—

For some reason, he couldn’t help but think Tony was softer than he’d thought.

No-brainer contracts that would have been a cinch to broker, passed over simply because their distributors didn’t pass their incredibly high standards; buyers who wanted in, but whose past associations— very, very far in the past— meant SI didn’t even consider them.

Justin couldn’t understand it.

For someone in the industry, Stark’s morals were...unusual. Respectable, from one perspective, but remarkably naive from any self-respecting businessman who wanted to turn a profit.

He was fairly certain the only reason Stark Industries was considered number one in the sector was because of the constant influx of new designs; they just were turning down too many contracts for him to consider otherwise.

Sure, sometimes Hammer weapons found themselves in the wrong hands— much more often than Stark weapons, regrettably— but it was one of the hazards that came with the business. They’d both known it from the get-go; Stark weapons were considered the best for a reason, even though somewhere down the line, his company’d gotten a reputation for no-frills dependability and ruggedness to the point where unscrupulous individuals would do anything to get their hands on either. Wasn’t like there was anything they could do about it, not when money talked in ways laws didn’t.

Why Stark was so hung up over it, he just. Couldn’t wrap his head around.

Stark was proclaimed dead, and there was strong evidence to indicate the attackers had been using his guns.

...well, fuck.

“This is fine,” Justin muttered as his personal headache proceeded to come back from the dead only to say his company was going to stop doing the thing it was known for and making an ungodly mess in the stock market while at it, “it’s not like it affects me, anyway.”

Overnight, Hammer Industries became number one in the defense sector.

Justin was not a happy camper about the spotlight.

Even more so, when he had to take additional measures so his sister could continue enjoy the privacy she’d had after pursuing her dreams as an artist because the press didn’t want to leave well enough alone.

“You know, you could’ve given me a warning.” Justin scowled when he saw Tony at the next gala.

“You handled it well enough, didn’t you?”

Ugh.

His headache was back, and worst part was, the smile he got more than made up for it.

...and then I kinda ran out of steam.

tl;dr: MCU canon had Justin Hammer as a foil to Tony Stark, here their dynamic is more along the lines of Beethoven and Mozart [one really respecting the other’s genius, and working their butt off to get to that level of respectability and general acclaim].

in this AU, Stark Industries is kind of like Apple— very futuristic high-tech stuff, all the bells and whistles going on, etc, whereas Hammer Industries is the Nokia in this analogy: not fancy in the slightest but as close to indestructible as it gets.

#No Hero [And Not Made Of Stone]#No Hero [Downward Descending]#My writing #character study of sorts #fic idea #fic ideas #3 am musings #kinda #also #does it count if said 'fic idea' is over 2k long?

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highpriestessofjogan · 3 years

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Every once in a while I’m not in the mood to write fiction...

Sometimes I like to do literary analysis for funsies, or, surprisingly enough thanks to the content of this post, music analysis as well.

When I first watched Guardian, there was one song that stood out to me more than most of the others from the OST. It was always used in the scenes with more emotional weight, and was so haunting that it lingered in my mind long after the scene had passed. Once I was able to hunt the soundtrack down on Amazon (a feat that was much more difficult than it should have been imho) I came to learn that this song was actually Shen Wei’s theme. Shen Wei’s theme was in all of the emotionally hard hitting scenes and haunted me for long after the show had finished.

One day I was driving to work and I was just looping it over and over for my entire commute. It’s an hour long commute ya’ll. Just that song, over and over and over (and I’ve played it for several hours on a loop before and I have no doubt I will do it for many more times to come, this song is beautiful and haunting and I love it to death). As I listened I started to make some realizations, and as those realizations came to light it left me even more heartbroken than originally.

The Shen Wei OST is a perfect character journey. It tells his story in a way that words simply could not come close to. I’ve tried to sum up my best analysis of this song and what it means, and I’m sure I don’t even come close to what Luo Kun intended when he composed the song, but I hope that he would at least agree I have parts of it right.

I’m going to put the actual analysis beneath a “Read More” so please, drop me a line if you like what you read or if you want to discuss it further. I’d love to chat about this! It’s broken up into five distinct movements that I think relate to different points in Shen Wei’s life, and I should mention that this is looking at the character purely from the perspective of the drama. At some point I might go back and see if I can tie it into the novel at all, but that has not been taken into consideration here.

I’d like to state above the cut that my thanks go out to @elvencantation and @eirenical for looking over my initial drafts and giving me their opinions and helping with musical instrument identification. I might come back and clean this up someday, but for right now, I wanted to get something out there for everyone to read. I hope that you enjoy it.

Part I. Gege (0:00 - 0:35)

There is a very melancholy feel to the song, but it also has the quiet grace and strength that the audience can always associate with Shen Wei. This is the beginning of his journey though. This is a young boy caring for his brother. A boy who tries to protect and is cast aside, thrown down to the dirt, and returns too late to save the one remaining person still precious to him. The beginning of this song paints the picture of a solitary figure against the horizon, short in stature from age and inexperience, a blade much too big gripped in too small a hand. The piano solo here emphasizes his lone search for his brother and hoping against all hopes that he might one day find him and the two of them could be reunited.

Part II. Xiao Wei (0:36 - 1:08)

At 37 seconds in the strings make their entrance. I like to think it was a deliberate choice to have Zhao Yunlan pick up the violin during the Tan Xiao and Zheng Yi case, because I firmly believe the strings in this soundtrack are supposed to represent Zhao Yunlan just as the piano represents Shen Wei. These 32 seconds represent the Shen Wei that we see during episodes 34 and 35 in Ye Olde Haixing Era. A bright eyed energetic young warrior who cares about his men despite his position. He hides his fear behind a mask, under a hood, and does what he can to help in the war. But here is also when Kunlun arrives. A famous general who miraculously takes an interest in HIM. And what has he done to warrant such attention? The kindness that he is shown here helps to shape him, mold him into a stronger warrior, a stronger person, but it will be millennia before he will learn why Kunlun saw him for the person he was rather than the blade and power he wielded.

The strings here do not try to overwhelm the piano here, even though they easily could. Instead they seem to try to entwine with the notes from the piano and guide them. It’s a graceful dance between the two that represents the close partnership that Shen Wei and Kunlun shared during the war.

Part III. The Black Cloak Envoy (1:09 - 1:39)

This part of the song is particularly interesting to me. The piano is still present, but the tune has changed, the same for the strings, but now the sounds of a woodwind have joined the other two. It’s at this point Shen Wei has woken up after 10,000 years. He’s thrust into a new world that he must learn, and a Dixing that is far worse off than he ever imagined it would be. He is a legend, but he does not try to take power. His duty is still his to fulfill, but he does not seek to take power aside from that. This is the new life that he forges for himself, from who he was as a boy, to who Kunlun helped him become, but this is something he creates to survive in a world that is unfamiliar to him.

Now he is not needed as just a blade, although he will be that when it is necessary. Now he can pursue his love and inherent gift for learning. This is the man who emerges from the ground and takes up bioengineering as a field of study. This is the person who befriends Cheng Xinyan and probably has more than one or two study sessions with her. This is the college student that I’m sure was dragged to at least one karaoke night to blow off some steam, and may have discovered his aversion to alcohol that same night. This is someone who lived.

Part IV. Professor Shen (1:40 - 2:11)

The woodwind fades out and we are left with the string and the piano once more. The string though is more like the tide, pushing and pulling against the piano, but that is very fitting for the section of the song, and Shen Wei’s life, that Zhao Yunlan is introduced into. The strings surge forth and ease back, pushing Shen Wei for answers, but also easing back when he seems ready to break. The piano has returned to its tune from the first two movements, and it’s probably due to the uncertainty that Zhao Yunlan has brought into his life. Why has Kunlun suddenly reappeared and why is he acting like he doesn’t know who Shen Wei is? Why does Da Qing not remember him? In the face of these questions he retreats to who he was before, until he can determine what the best course of action to take is. If Kunlun is testing him or doesn’t remember too he doesn’t want to risk the chance that the man will not recognize him. This could be why we see the fond smiles and confused blinks, aspects that are so inherent to his character.

Part V. Shen Wei (2:12 - End)

I’m not going to lie, it was coming up with this part that really broke my heart. The strings remain, but fade to the background and are only faintly known. The piano has returned, and is at the forefront once more with no question as to who the lead is. Through all the changes in his life, he has come to realize who he truly is. He is a brother who is afraid he has failed his twin. A warrior and leader afraid he has failed his people. A man afraid that he will lose everything, but willing to make that sacrifice to save his friends and family, to keep the man he loves safe. He is no longer just a blade to be used. He has a purpose, one that has not been forced on him but that he has chosen for himself.

This is the Shen Wei who decides to use the light energy from Zhao Yunlan to make himself a living bomb. The man who decides that if his brother cannot be made to stand down then he will force him to. This is the man who looks into the eyes of his lover as he lays bloodied and broken on the ground, who sees all that they could have had in their lives, and silently begs forgiveness even as he makes the ultimate sacrifice.

And then the song fades out with the slowing piano notes, just as Shen Wei’s life ends with the slowed beating of his heart...

#guardian #zhen hun #镇魂 guardian #shen wei #zhao yunlan #kunlun #weilan #black cloak envoy #hei pao shi #caitlin analyzes stuff and things #caitlin also makes herself sad doing it #caitlin makes great life choices

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nonbinary-alien25 · 3 years

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was tagged in this post by @puppetavasharpe to try my hand at writing some avalance wedding vows for fun, so,, let's do it! we'll see how this goes lmao

Vows

"Ava," Sara started, voice filled to the brim with love and eyes shining with adoration, "My life has been one giant rollercoaster of ups and downs and highs and lows. I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of, and I've been through more than any one person probably should in a lifetime... or a few lifetimes, I guess."

Their friends and family chuckled at the joke, and Sara smiled, letting out a watery laugh and taking Ava's hand in her own before continuing.

"I am the sum of every decision I've ever made. A lot of them were questionable at the time, or even incredibly bad, but they all brought me here, to this wonderful group of misfits that I'm lucky enough to call my family, and even more importantly, they brought me here to you." Sara paused, taking a deep breath and squeezing Ava's hand gently. "Ava, you are, by far, the best decision I've ever made in my entire life. When I first met you, I knew you were going to be special. I didn't know how, and honestly you were too much of a pain in my ass for me to think about it, but I knew."

Everyone chuckled again, and Ava let out a laugh this time, shaking her head amusedly.

"What I didn't know at the time was just how important to me you would become. I said this to you when I proposed, but in case it didn't quite sink in then: you, Ava, are my North Star. You are my guiding light. You're my home, my safe place, the person I run to. I didn't know back then that you would make me happier than I've ever been in my life, and I didn't know that you would help me find a light inside myself that I thought I'd lost forever."

A lone tear slipped down her cheek, and she smiled as Ava brought a hand up to wipe it gently away.

"Before I died, I didn't believe something like this was ever in the cards for me. I didn't think I could ever deserve it after everything I'd done. After I was brought back, I still didn't think I would ever be able to have this, because I was trying to pick up all the pieces from my death, and I didn't experience much in terms of feelings. But then... you came along."

Sara smiled up at her fiancée (very soon to be wife, she thought, unable to hide how giddy she was), stepping closer just slightly.

"You... are everything. Safety and comfort and warmth and home. Ava, you are my heart, and I love you so much more than I ever thought was possible. Your eyes are my favorite color, your voice is my favorite sound; your scent is my favorite smell, and your arms are my favorite place to be. Everything that you are, I love it all. Whenever I'm with you, and wherever you are, I'm home. I'll always be home as long as I have you."

Ava smiled, bright and beautiful, her eyes shining with love and unshed tears. Sara smiled back, wanting nothing more in that moment than to kiss Ava, to hold on tight and never let go.

"I could go on and on forever about how much you mean to me and how much I love you, but for the sake of time, I'll quit now before I get too sappy, and instead promise that I will do everything I can, every single day, to show you how important you are to me. And thank you, Ava, for taking a chance on me. Because I know sometimes it isn't easy, but I hope to be worth it. I love you more than anything, babe, I really do."

Sara took a deep breath, wiping at her eyes and letting out a watery laugh.

"Wow, uh, I don't really know how I'm gonna top that— don't even think about making a joke, babe, our friends and family don't need to hear about our sex life," Ava said, smiling as rubbed her thumb over the back of Sara's hand, "And before I say anything else, you are so worth it, Sara. You always have been and you always will be."

Sara sniffled, wiping at her eyes again. Thank Beebo for waterproof makeup.

"If someone had told me years ago that this is where my life ends up, I would've laughed in their face and told them they were crazy." Ava shook her head, looking lovingly at Sara, and then all around at their friends and family. "But now I can't imagine my life any other way. I'm happiest with you, flying through time and screwing things up for the better."

Everyone laughed loudly at that, and someone, probably Spooner or Astra, muttered yeah, that's accurate, under their breath.

"I'm not always great with words, and I don't always know the right things to say, but I do know this: I want to always be the person you run to, for anything; no matter how big or small, or whether it's happy or sad. I always want to be the person who's there with you through it all. We're co-captains forever and ever, baby, I can promise you that."

Ava smiled, bringing her hand up to cup Sara's face, rubbing her thumb gently over her cheek.

"I told you once that neither of us needs anybody. That's still true. You don't need me, and I don't need you, but you will always be the person I want more than anything. You have always made me feel things in depths that I was never meant to, and in depths that I didn't think were possible. I love you so, so much Sara, more than words could ever hope to describe."

Ava paused, taking a moment to bask in the feelings and the love and the joy of their wedding day, to drink in every detail of Sara's face, committing it to memory in hopes that she'll never forget this moment.

"With you, I found family, something that I had never really had before. That's just one of the many things I love about you: you take in those who don't belong, who don't have anyone, much less a family, and you make it your mission to give them a place to go, somewhere to call home, and people who love and accept them no matter what. You did that for me, and you've done it for countless others too."

Tears flowed freely down both of their cheeks (they had been for a while, but neither of them were paying attention to that, too wrapped up in the moment and each other to care).

"It amazes me how sometimes you still can't see just how wonderful you are. Your kindness, your humanity, your strength... I admire all of that and so much more. And I know you struggle to believe it sometimes, and honestly I wish I could give you the power to see yourself through my eyes, but you are so, so good. You're not only one of the best people I've ever known, but you are also without a doubt the strongest. I need you to know that I am so incredibly proud of you, Sara. I always am. And like you, I could go on and on, but just know this: I love you more than you could ever possibly know, baby, and I will spend every single day trying to show you just how much, even though I'm pretty sure it's impossible because I swear, I just fall more in love with you every day."

Sara let out a watery laugh, and Ava swore it was one of the most beautiful things she'd ever heard.

As soon as their rings had been exchanged, Sara stepped closer, snaking her arms around Ava's neck, face adorned with the widest smile Ava had ever seen on her. Sara looked up at her through eyes filled with tears, and there hadn't ever been a moment where they wanted to kiss each other more than they did then.

"I now pronounce you wife and wife. Brides, you may kiss."

Ava pulled Sara impossibly closer as their lips met each other's in a passionate, loving kiss, both of them trying to pour everything into it that they hadn't been able to say in their vows. Their friends and family cheered all around them, and as they pulled back briefly, smiling brightly at each other, they both thought to themselves, This is the happiest I've ever been. Forever starts today.

Extra Bonus Thing (because I made myself emo about it earlier and just remembered it)

okay so originally for this extra bonus thing, I was gonna write a little drabble about a Sara & Quentin father-daughter dance, but I don't have the energy for that right now (and also I made myself emo enough with the vows lmfao)

so instead, i will present you with the song I was going to use as inspo to write it (and also a few songs that I think would be lovely for sara and ava to dance to at their wedding)

Sara & Quentin's Father-Daughter Dance

imagine sara and quentin dancing to I Loved Her First ~ Heartland ,,, i just think it would be a good song for them to dance to :)

Sara & Ava's Dances

okay there's a couple different songs i think would be really cute for them to dance to.

first one I thought of is Forever Starts Today ~ Tim Halperin , which was the inspo for the last line of the vows ficlet.

second one I thought of was Never Stop (Wedding Version) ~ Safetysuit because I just think it's an awesome song and I feel like it just,,, Fits

third (and last) one I thought of was Second Star to the Right ~ The Devil Music Co. because it is Absolutely a very fitting avalance song

#avalance #sara lance #ava sharpe #legends of tomorrow #my writing #alien's writing #alien's life

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lu-nme · 3 years

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Who are Arundolyn and Rostam from Genshin Impact?

Sources: Brave Heart lore, Defender’s will lore, Ferrous Shadow lore, Favonius Sword lore, Favonius Greatsword lore

Arundolyn and Rostam are two members of the Knights of Favonius who lived 500 years ago. They don’t appear in the game and are only mentioned in some artifacts and weapons, which explain that they aren’t really known.

Arundolyn was known as the Lion of Light and became Grand Master, while Rostam received the title of Wolf Pup at the age of 27 and was the right-hand man of Arundolyn. They both were very strong knights and played an important role: Arundolyn didn’t have a vision, but he had extraordinary strength and was able to fight with a sword and a claymore.

On the other hand, Rostam’s bladework had inspired the Favonius Bladework; and it is even said that no one has ever matched his ability. They also were great leaders: the titles of Lion and Wolf are given to knights who have a great leadership potential and are destined to become Grand Master.

They fought on the land of Khaenri’ah to defend their homeland during the Cataclysm. And when the knights came back to Mondstadt, it was without Rostam who died. Since then, Arundolyn never fought again.

About their relationship:

(please remember that this is my own interpretation of their characters and their relationship; though it is based on official informations, i am not working for mihoyo and don't know everything.)

At first, Arundolyn and Rostam were rivals, probably because both of them wanted to be knights. Later, they became childhood friends and shared their first adventures together.

The Brave Heart artifact set focuses on Arundolyn and his relationship with Rostam. I’ve read many times every artifact set and weapon centred on them, but Brave Heart owns a special place in my heart, because it shows how important Rostam was to Arundolyn.

Every artifact of this set is one of Arundolyn’s memories with his closest, dearest friend. He cared about Rostam more than anything else: remember, Mondstadt was menaced by Durin and needed his powerful Grand Master, but Rostam’s death has affected Arundolyn so much that he left his title and never fought again. When his homeland needed him.

One of Brave Heart artifacts is the Crown of the Brave. It is a keepsake of a day he spent playing with Rostam. “Many years later, this wreath of flowers, though crudely made, would seem more precious still than the power a master of knights held…”: a crown of flowers that is more precious than the title of knight for a man who had always dreamed of heroism, if it’s not a proof that Rostam was more important than anything else, I don’t know what it is. And it’s one example among many others.

Rostam cares about Arundolyn as well. He dedicated his life to defend Mondstadt, as a knight but also in the dark: Rostam was a kind of Darknight Hero, doing the dirty job that couldn’t be done by a knight. But I read the Defender’s Will artifact set, and I personally believe that it is not Mondstadt he wanted to protect, but those he loved: Arundolyn and the maiden (I’ll talk about her later). Why? Because every time the defense of Mondstadt is mentioned in the Defender’s Will artifacts, Arundolyn is mentioned. Mondstadt is seen by Rostam as the land loved by Arundolyn (“this land that is friend and superior loved” — Guardian's Clock).

What about the maiden?

I can’t really keep explaining why I think Rostam loves Arundolyn without talking about the maiden. To (try to) keep it short, the maiden was in love with Rostam, and Rostam loved her too. Her songs were the only thing that managed to “cause the guardian's brow to come unbound”. You might know her, since after Rostam’s death she became the Crimson Witch of Flames (from the artifact set that has the same name).

I find that there are some similarities between her and Arundolyn in their relationships with Rostam. One of them that is really interesting is the notion of time. Time is something that Rostam doesn’t have: “there was never enough time”. As I said, he dedicated his life to the protection of Mondstadt and the people he loved. He accomplished his duty as knight in the day, spent his nights doing what he couldn’t do in the daylight. “Only when he gazed on that maiden in the square, could he think upon things he had no time for. Only then could he think about his own future…”. What Rostam wanted and needed was time he could spend with those he loved. And guess what? He gave hourglasses to the maiden and Arundolyn, because they are the ones he loved, the ones he wanted to share his future with.

>>To sum up my view on them: I’m sure and certain that Arundolyn was madly in love with Rostam. Rostam was maybe polyamorous and loved both the maiden and Arundolyn. And Arundolyn knew that, and even if it hurt him to know that he wasn’t enough for Rostam’s happiness, he accepted it; because he would do anything to support Rostam and be sure he was happy.

*****

thank you a lot for reading, i hope it has been useful! i sadly couldn't say everything, due to my not-very-good english + the fact that i didn't remember everything while writing this, but don't hesitate to ask me anything that comes to your mind! i may not be the best one to reply, but i really love talking about arundolyn and rostam, and it is always a pleasure to share this with anyone!!

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ireadingbooks · 3 years

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Books I Read in January!

Hi! How is January already over? This past month felt like a week maybe! Anyways, even though I've posted reviews about all these books, I thought it might be nice to sum up January and see how I would rate the books from 1 - 13. This is of course only my opinion! My total this month came to 13 books, which is quite a lot for me! This weekend I am reading ‘Circe’ by Madeline Miller, but I probably won’t finish it.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab. I knew before even thinking about this rating that this would be no. 1. It's just too good.

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. This book doesn't leave me alone. I keep thinking about it and crave to re-read it. It's an amazing, heart-wrenching piece of art.

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett. As I said in my review, I did not expect this book to be what it ended up being (if that makes sense), but I loved it so, so much.

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang. When I first finished this book, I was a little annoyed, but thinking back - I really loved it. Very cute, very steamy!

We Were Liars by E. Lockhart. Even though this was a re-read, I still very much enjoyed reading it. It's my favourite book of all time (even though Addie comes close 2nd now!!!), so it had to be in the Top 5. If it were the first time reading this, it’d probably be no.1.

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I loved that this was something different, something that hasn't been done before (which is hard to find in NA, imo). There were still some things that bugged me about this book, I explained that in my review.

The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren. If I had to rate the first half of this book, it'd be in my top 5. However, the second half really, really disappointed me.

Paperweight by Meg Haston. A very honest and brutal perspective on ED, mental illness and the road to recovery.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. I really did not expect to like this as much as I did, but it was one of the best classics I’ve ever read!

Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. I liked this book, I think. However, comparing it to my other reads of this month, it didn't catch me quite the way I wanted it to.

Eveline by James Joyce. Is a short story considered a book? Idk, it's in my reads on goodreads, so it might as well make the list. I had to read this for University and actually really enjoyed it!

Animal Farm by George Orwell. This was my classic of the month, however, it didn't really amaze me as much. The writing was nice, though.

Sing Me to Sleep by Angela Morrison. I cannot even tell you what this book is about. I just really did not enjoy it, sorry.

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iwanthermidnightz · 3 years

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When she was 18, Taylor Swift wrote a song called “Fifteen.” “Back then I swore I was going to marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine,” she sang, sounding more like a wizened great-grandmother than a rising senior.

“Fifteen” is evocative, if a little sanitized: Nimble mandolin strums mimic the nervous-excited butterflies of the first day of high school, as Swift sings of wide-eyed hope that “one of those senior boys will wink at you and say, ‘You know I haven’t seen you around before.’”

There was a certain emotional truth to the lyrics — do several years’ age difference ever seem more consequential than when you’re a teenager? — but some older listeners were skeptical. “You applaud her skill,” wrote a critic for the Guardian in a mixed review of Swift’s second album, “Fearless,” “while feeling slightly unsettled by the thought of a teenager pontificating away like Yoda.”

Swift, now 31, sings, “When you are young they assume you know nothing,” on “Folklore,” an LP that is both compositionally mature and braided throughout with references to the specific, oft-denigrated wisdom of teenagers. By the end of that song, “Cardigan,” the narrator has excavated such a heap of florid but emotionally lucid memories that she must conclude, with the force of a sudden revelation, “I knew everything when I was young.”

Though it’s not as flashy a topic as exes, fame or A-list celebrity feuds, age has long been a recurring theme in Swift’s work. A numerology enthusiast with a particular attachment to 13, Swift has also released a handful of songs whose titles refer to specific ages: “Seven,” “Fifteen,” and, of course, “22,” the chatty “Red” hit on which she summed up that particular junction of emerging adulthood as feeling “happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time.” Like her contemporary Adele, Swift seems to enjoy time-stamping her music, sometimes presenting it like a public-facing scrapbook that will always remind her what it felt like to be a certain age — even if, with their millions of fans and armfuls of Grammys, neither of these women is exactly typical.

Swift’s critics have often seemed even more hyper attuned to her age. Perhaps because precocity played such a role in her story from the beginning — at 14, she became the youngest artist to sign a publishing deal with Sony/ATV; at 20, she became the youngest to win the album of the year Grammy — many listeners have been fascinated with how her evolution into adulthood has, or hasn’t, played out in her songs. People comb Swift’s lyrics for allusions to sex, alcohol and profanity as meticulously as MPAA representatives do a borderline-PG movie. Particular attention was paid to her 2017 album “Reputation” and its several mentions of drunkenness and dive bars — even though Swift was 27 when it came out.

The relative puritanism of Swift’s music up until “Reputation” did feel like an intentional decision: Unlike the female pop stars who broadcast their “loss of innocence” as a sudden and irrevocable transformation, Swift seemed acutely conscious that she did not want to repel younger listeners — or lose the approval of their parents. At best, it felt like an acceptance of her status as a role model; at worst, it had the whiff of a marketing strategy.

But the mounting obsession with whether Swift was “acting her age” also reflected a larger societal double standard. Famous or not, women face much more intense scrutiny around age, whether it’s those constant cultural reminders of the biological clock’s supposed ticking or the imperative that women of all ages stay “fresh-faced” or risk their own obsolescence. (“People say I’m controversial,” Madonna said in 2016. “But I think the most controversial thing I have ever done is to stick around.”) And while girlish youth and ingenuity are rewarded in some contexts, they’re also easily dismissed as silly and frivolous as soon as that girl strays too close to the sun — as Swift has experienced time and again.

Despite having once been a teenage girl myself (unlike a lot of music critics), I confess that I am not completely free of these internalized biases. I was initially dismissive of “Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince,” a song that appeared on Swift’s 2019 album “Lover.” The first few times I heard it, I wondered what a grown woman on the cusp of 30 was doing still writing about homecoming queens and teenage gossip.

But over time, I’ve come to appreciate the song and its dark vision, which acknowledges cruelty, depression and the threat of sexual violence (“Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?”) more directly than any of the songs Swift wrote when she was an actual teenager. The senior boys in this song are not the sort who wink and say to freshman girls wholesome things like, “Haven’t seen you around before” — which, unfortunately, makes them feel more authentic. Even the title “Miss Americana” alludes to a larger world outside the high school walls, and the greater systemic forces that keep such patterns repeating well into adulthood.

“Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince” now feels like a precursor to some of the richest songs on “Folklore,” which finds Swift returning once again to her school days with the keen, selectively observant eye of an adult. Consider “Seven,” an impressionistic recreation of her perspective at that age. The second verse, charmingly, plays like a first-grader’s breathless sequence of unguarded observations:

“And I’ve been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why/And I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, then you won’t have to cry.”

But “Seven” is not cutesy so much as poignant, because of the tensions that result when Swift’s adult perspective interjects. “Please, picture me in the trees, before I learned civility,” she sings in a yearning soprano, prompting the listener to wonder what sorts of feral pleasure she — and all of us — have exchanged for the supposed “civility” of adulthood.

Quite a few songs on “Evermore,” Swift’s second release of 2020, also toggle between past and present, conscious of what is lost and gained by the passage of time. The playful “Long Story Short” passes a note to Swift’s younger self (“Past me, I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things”), while “Dorothea,” like “Seven,” revisits a fevered childhood friendship from the cool perspective of adulthood.

Most striking is the bonus track “Right Where You Left Me,” a twangy tale of a “girl who got frozen” (“Time went on for everybody else, she won’t know it/She’s still 23, inside her fantasy”). That language echoes something Swift admits in the 2020 Netflix documentary “Miss Americana”: “There’s this thing people say about celebrities, that they’re frozen at the age they got famous. And that’s kind of what happened to me. I had a lot of growing up to do just trying to catch up to 29.”

But Swift’s recent songs, at their best, understand that “growing up” isn’t always a linear progression in the direction of something more valuable. Take the “Folklore” songs “Cardigan” and “Betty,” which use an interconnected set of characters to chronicle teenage drama and celebrate the heightened emotional knowledge of youth. “I’m only 17, I don’t know anything, but I know I miss you,” Swift sings in the voice of James, a high schooler who broke Betty’s heart and has shown up on her doorstep to ask forgiveness. Maybe that is a melodramatic thing to do; maybe it is the sort of thing adults could stand to do more often. Swift’s music helps us to remember that growing up doesn’t automatically mean growing wiser — it can just as easily mean compromise, self-denial and growing numb to emotions we once felt with bracing intensity.

In a gesture to regain control of her songs, Swift is currently rerecording her first six albums (her master recordings were recently sold by Scooter Braun’s Ithaca Holdings to the investment firm Shamrock Capital). Last month she released a note-for-note update of her early hit “Love Story,” and has promised to release an entire new-old version of “Fearless (Taylor’s Version)” later this year. It has been amusing to think of Swift going back and inhabiting the voice of her teenage self: On the face of it, “Fifteen” is particularly surreal to imagine her singing as an adult.

In another way, though, “Fifteen” — with its distant reflections on the youthful folly of expectations — makes more sense and carries more emotional weight being sung by a 30-something than it does an 18-year-old. Perhaps Swift was preparing for such an exercise when she made “Folklore,” an album that shakes off years of scrutiny and finds her reveling in the creative freedom to be as young or as old as she wants to be.

#posting the whole article with my emphasis because i thought this was very interesting #taylor swift

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just-honey-dewd · 3 years

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𝐌𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜: 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐕𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐤 𝐂𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐲

This essay came out of a response post I wanted to write on @spicysonictakes's post about Metal Sonic — it ended up turning into a big one which deviated from the initial topic, so I just made it a standalone post. Thanks for indirectly getting me back on tumblr impromptu essay writing, @spicysonictakes.

"𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐤 𝐂𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐲"

𝐍𝐨𝐮𝐧. The phenomenon of continuing an endeavor once an investment in money, effort or time has been made.

Even if the commitment is irrational.

𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝

Despite having debuted at the same time as Amy, Metal is arguably the most underdeveloped main-stay character in the Sonic games franchise. Personally, there’s something very off-putting about the fact that the closest thing to an arc he’s had in the games was in 2004, and in there, he was just another megalomaniac who sought for world domination and the annihilation of Sonic.

𝐈𝐃𝐖'𝐬 𝐄𝐱𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

Even when addressing the rather recent use of his character in IDW, he basically pulled a rehash of Sonic Heroes and was even worse off in my opinion as he did this all with the intention of passing all of his efforts back to Eggman once he found him.

He basically sat on the empty throne of his master, warming his spot till the Doctor would return to reclaim it — like a good lap dog. Sonic gave Metal a chance to restart, live free of consequence, and possibly turn a new leaf — and he spat that in his face by being the causation of Eggman’s return from reformation. And aside from some personal feelings I had towards Sonic’s characterization and judgement in that early arc, it’s mentioned and brought up the next time they properly meet — and this short exchange lives rent-free in my mindspace.

"𝐎𝐧𝐞-𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐣𝐞𝐫𝐤."

Welp. At least the writers know what they’re working with. This exchange will be brought up in a future essay about Sonic's characterization.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬...

To say fans can do it better is an understatement, as there have been many fan comics I’ve been exposed to which tackle Metal’s character and do much more with him than I’ve seen ever in the games. Archie and IDW are the closest thing to canon alternate paths to Metal Sonic character arcs, and even then, I think OVA probably did one of the best interpretations considering what little screen time they had for Metal.

"𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐜."

The likelihood of IDW carrying the acknowledgment of Metal as a “one-note jerk” is something I could only dream of in the time being — any major deviations from character status quo may be restricted for the writers. As for the games, I don't hold much faith in the team to have the writing chops to execute a satisfactory one. And while I'd love for a game depicting a Metal arc as the main conflict of the story, I'd rather it be done with the respect, care and consideration his character deserves.

𝐀𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭...

In terms of writing him as a whole, gosh... there’s a lot to work with.

One could probably expand upon his obsession and desire to beat Sonic as a manifestation of Eggman’s subconscious influence over him; and how his capacity for independence and sentience could be attributed to his carbon counterpart’s strong will, sense of individuality and free-spirited nature. Eggman would know as much since the of Metal's conception, so this would recontextualize the relationship between the two, as well as the implications of Eggman suppressing Metal's independence and propensity for independent thought.

One could even make the argument that a lot of Metal’s “contrasting” personality traits are an inverted display of the same principles and values Sonic possesses but tainted with the corrupt greed of Eggman. Stubborn and single-mindedness; dead ringer. Egotistical and possessing a superiority complex; Sonic’s cockiness and self-assuredness but tainted with Eggman’s own pride and narcissism. Heck, even the whole issue with Metal having little to no character development could be attributed as a trait he shares with Sonic the "flat character arc done right" Hedgehog. Fundamentally speaking, they are... *sighs in predictability* two sides of the same coin.

And god, I realize as I'm writing this that a lot of this could simply be summed up just by listening to the song “Look-A-Like” from the Sonic OVA OST.

youtube

Whether or not anyone involved in the writing of Metal Sonic intended him to be this opposed and in contrast to Sonic is anyone’s guess, but just from this thought process alone, I feel it all the more necessary that he gets utilized at some point.

The amount of potential there is for his character to grow has been sat on since Sonic OVA. Think of the interesting themes his arc could carry; how many times can “never giving up” or “the power of friendship” be themes force-fed to us before we drown in the vat of redundancy?

An arc of self-identity, sentience and independence is not revolutionary by any means, but it'd still be a nice change of pace for the Sonic franchise.

#my posts #metal sonic #cursed tumblr made me redo this post a good 5+ times #sonic the hedgehog #idw sonic #sonic ova #sunk cost fallacy is a curse passed down to every robotnik #metal sonic is not exempted from this #i'll post an idw sonic character essay tomorrow or next year #again thank you spicy #Youtube

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toorumochi · 3 years

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KaruShuu OTP Questions

Ah- I created ehhh 4?? I suppose KaruShuu head-canons posts today but do I regret it? Absolutely not, I loved it. So here you go, have another one, don't be shy, read it.

Also, please keep in mind that these head-canons are completely made up by me in a way of that it's just how I would see it sksksk also here, KaruShuu would be probably adults?? Also married??

Anyways, enjoy~ 🌸

Who is the most affectionate? Sinceee they got married, I'm sure the longer into the relationship, the more they have opened up to each other? Karma would be the type to wake up first in the morning and kiss Shuu good morning, but since Shuu is an early bird, he would wake up before Karma and make breakfast for him. Thats how he shows affection ❤️🧡

Most common argument? Sad to think that they NeEd to argue 🙄💅 but oh well- I thinkkk they would argue over super silly things. For example what to watch (If you have read my previous head canons, you will know what I mean by 'Shrek Marathons'):

"Let's watch something"

"Sure, what do you have in mind?''

Karma would just grin over to Shuu and Shuus eyes would widen, "Hell no"

"Absolutely ye-"

"Karma don't you dAR-"

They ended up watching (again for the 12 time this week) Shrek.

Who apologizes first? Karma apologies fly out of his mouth faster than they stop arguing. Karma would rather apologize than not let them talk for the next few hours.

Favorite (non-sexual) activity to do together? They enjoy getting massage! Ifff KaruShuu was too lazy to go out to get a professional massage for a few hours, they would do it to each other. (It usually ends with them making out later on but I'll delete that part)

Who is most likely to carry the other? Karma would carry Shuu ❤️😩 Ugh bridal style to embarrass him 💀💅

Nicknames?

For Karma, by Shuu: Tamponhead (I used this one in my fanfic and I will forever love it), Moron, Karma. Tbh, I don't think neither like these pet-names or nicknames since that think they are 'cringy'.

Tho, Karma has quite a few: Shuu (Main, he doesn't use 'Gakushuu' but when he does, Shuu melts lol), Pumpkin, Orange, pumpkin pie, Strawberry shortcake (bc he loves strawberries so why not call Shuu one 😌🤚🏻), Sugar cube (Idk I think it's cute, tho I don't know if that's even a nickname- 💀💀)

Also a note: They would definitely not use 'baby', 'babe', 'honey' bc- noooo 😩💀

Who proposes? Karma 💅

Who sings along with the radio? Karma would sing along but he is horrible at singing and Shuu makes him KNOW it by him singing and Karma shuts up but finds it hilarious at the same time.

Who worries most? Both do, depending on the situation. Shuu would be worried about stuff like paying taxes or things like that, meanwhile Karma is worried for Shuus health, if he is eating enough as well as getting enough sleep every night. Shuu is a hardworking bee after all ✨

Who always wants to take selfies with the other? Karma wants to, for example they are traveling somewhere for vacation and Karma wants to take as many pics as possible with his husband so he can later on put them into an album ❤️😩 (KaruShuu as a married couple >>>>)

Who likes to playfully tease the other? Ohhh~ Karma teases Shuu all the time, but there are times where Shuu would feel playful so he would tease back

Who has the weirdest taste in their music? Karma I'm begging you- his music taste changes every week and road trips are a disaster for Shuu

Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant? Karma remembers because Shuu is always ordering the same things since he is minimalistic lol but Karma is a living chaos when it comes to food so Shuu can't remember it all.

Who is embarrassed to take their clothes off in front of the other? Lmao no matter for how long they are already together, no matter if they are married, no matter how many times they had done it, Shuu would be the one to be embarrassed about it every time.

Who tops? ...Okay so here, personally as someone who writes Fanfics, Karma tops. Always. I just- I just can't imagine Shuu as a top?? my friends gave me some really valid reasons for Shuu to be a top but I just can't see it 😩

Who initiates kisses? Both I guess? But mostly Karma

Who reaches for the other's hand first? Oooo here an example! If they are driving in the car, and Karmas hand is free, Shuu usually reaches for it but as soon as Karma needs it to drive, he has to let go. Or if they are in the cinema - Shuu would definitely hold onto Karmas hand the whole time - as comfort, since they usually watch Horror movies together so yea 😌

Who kisses hardest? Who is most ticklish? Both is Karma, but when it comes to tickling, even tho Karma is more ticklish, he is also stronger than Shuu so he can easily pin him down and tickle him, just for the sake to see Shuu giggle which kills him bc God damnit isn't he adorable?

Who brings an animal they found home? Lol depends on the animal. I would say Karma is a cat person and Shuu is a dog person b u t Shuu is allergic to cats so they can't have cats. But I think if Karma would be the one to bring an animal home, it would be a dog.

Who holds the umbrella for the other when it's raining? Karma's shoe laces often get untangled, so when Karma bends to tie them, Shuu stands over him with an umbrella to keep the rain from pouring on him.

Who tries to playfully embarrass the other in public? Karma 😭

Who kills the scary bugs? Oh lemme tell you about this one:

Shuu HATES bugs, since he always had the feeling of his father having a bunch of centipedes around himself whenever he acted manipulative and so on so he hates them. So one time when Shuu was taking a shower, and Karma was in the kitchen, Shuu suddenly screeched so Karma went to check on him. He walked onto a Shuu, covering himself with a towel and looking absolutely T E R R I F I E D at the ceiling, stuttering. Karma was hella confused so he looked up and oop here we go, a spider. Karma obv took the spider off the ceiling to free it, but first he had to tease and scare his husband a little by walking towards the shower stall, "Shuu look~ He wants to be friends with you~", the way Shuu screamed at this made almost all of the windows in the apartment break.

Who asks the weird questions at random in the middle of the night? Karma does that on a daily basis, but when Shuu is a little bit drunk, he would ask weird questions to which Karma never has an answer but he jokes around.

Who hogs the blankets? Karma hogs them and Shuu ends up having a cold the next morning 😭

Who wakes up first? Shuu is an early bird, but Karma wakes up first for work.

Who wants to stay in bed just a bit longer? On weekends, they both stay in bed a bit longer to cuddle ❤️💕

Who always makes coffee for the other each morning? Karma makes coffee for Shuu before he leaves for work 🥰

Who cries during certain films or when reading sad books? Lmao Karma cries during Shrek every time the scene comes up where Shrek had an argument with Donkey 😔

Who gets scared during horror films? Shuu 😩😩 He would (as said before) take Karmas hand for comfort

Who tells their friends/family about the relationship first? Lmao none since GakuHOE is well, a hoe so they won't trust him b u t I have the feeling of Karmas mom being actually super supportive?? But they wouldn't tell her, she would just get the hint and then when she receives the wedding invite she goes "oh-".

What do their friends/family think of the relationship? Rio was shipping this since the beginning of middle school aight, she loves it and she even threw a party for them. #IstanRioNakamura

Who is more likely to ask the other to dance with them? Karma would ask Shuu to dance obv but Shuu would go along 😩💕

Who cooks best? Karma! And Shuu loves his cooking! :D

Who wears the other's jacket? Shuu is the one to wear long coats, and Karma those thicc jackets. Shuu usually gets super cold even with the coat on, so Karma gives Shuu his jacket on top of the coat lol.

Who uses cheesy pickup lines? Karma- anywhere. Have an example:

"Hey Shuu, could you feel the shirt?", he asked Shuu while they went shopping and Karma wAsN't sure about his T-Shirt choice so Shuu was running his fingers slightly over Karmas chest with the shirt still on and thinking about the material, then Karma went: "Know what it's made of?", and Shuu looked at him and was about to answer him, but Karma was quicker and continued, "Boyfriend material", ObViOuSlY with a grin and Shuu was a gay blushing mess 💅 but then Shuu went along, "What do you mean boyfriend? I can only see Husband material", and tuRNED AWAYYYYY~

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other's ear during inappropriate times? AAAA I T H I N K I've written sum like this before- So two things that happened:

KaruShuu were invited to a funereal or sum and pls the church was quiet and stuff but obv Karma had to joke around and he leaned over to Shuus ear and whispered a joke into his ear which made our stubborn Shuu giggle and the church was this close👌 to throw them out lmao

Shuu was at work, and Karma likes to call him randomly, but oh well Shuu picks up and Karma starts to tease him over the phone maybe something very sexual stuff (knowing Karma he would) and Shuu just- he is sitting at his desk and his workers are giving him looks about why is he blushing so much.

Who makes the other laugh most? Karmas jokes always make Shuu laugh, sometimes even cry since they are hilarious.

Who would have to bail the other out of jail? Oh my God- Shuu would have to bail Karma out of jail maybe during college years, but I think Karma would mature a bit more as an adult

What would be their theme song? YOOO- A WHOLE PLAYLIST WOULD BE NEEDED-

Who would sing their child back to sleep? OOO!! Karma would be the type to read stories, but Shuu would sing them to sleep :D

What do they do when they're away from each other? I can imagine that they both have those business trips from time to time, so when they are apart, they FaceTime each other every evening to check on each other. Yes indeed they must stay at fancy hotels for their business trips and they are being served food, but they still check that the other one is eating and sleeping well. Oh and good morning and goodnight texts™️🥰

A headcanon about them that stabs your feels? Oh- oH GOD- That maybe they tend to act very distant at first in their relationships?? Or more cold? For example Shuu, he would not really know nor show much affection to Karma and Karma at first thinking that Shuu doesn't love him at all (which isn't true bc Shuu loves him deeply) but then he after some time figures it out when Shuu opens up to him more.

A headcanon that mends the previous one? That they both after some time spend together, have the opportunities to open up to each other, know each other better as well as find out each others weaknesses and strengths which makes their relationship stronger. I absolutely love them ❤️😩

#KaruShuu #I wrote this for over 2 hours pls save me #I love them I will dedicate anything to them #Karma x Gakushuu #Karma Akabane #Karma #Akabane #Gakushuu #Asano #Gakushuu Akabane #Headcanons #assassination classroom #AssClass

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whattheflameo · 3 years

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Lin healing the bonds with her family hc?

Ohhhhhhhhhh anon you have opened up a WHOLE can of worms I have extremely strong feelings on this topic and most of them can be summed up with Lin Beifong is the Epitome of the older sibling parent trope. RANT INCOMING

Lin choosing to forgive Suyin has almost nothing to do with Suyin’s “apology” (or lack thereof). It occurs solely because Lin actively decides to be the better person in their relationship. She decides that having her sister and her niblings in her life is worth more to her than her grudge and her hurt. Which is saying something, because damn can Lin hold a grudge.

Su isn’t going to apologize; its not in her nature at all. She genuinely doesn’t recognize the need for apologies in anything. She doesn’t give them and never expects them from others. Lin knows this and decides to move on anyway.

Su did write Lin a letter asking her to come talk. Actually, she wrote several. Lin never opened a single one, determined to keep herself from getting hurt again. Its easier, especially when Su isn’t in front of her, to convince herself she doesn’t care.

Despite everything, Lin still hopes the best of her sister. Finding out that she changed her ways after being sent away, stopped with the petty crime and actually made something of herself, built an entire city and raised a pretty great family, comes with a level of relief- even if it wasn’t her to help Su see the error of her ways, at least Su was able to do so.

Lin doesn’t trust Su as far as she could throw her, especially after Su lies to her face to send Korra after Aiwei. She doesn’t trust Su to choose her to save over literally anyone else, and to be honest she has the older sibling complex that she just doesn’t have as much faith in Su’s bending skills as her own. That’s why her “I love you,” before drawing P’li’s fire sounds so much like a goodbye.

Speaking of differences in skill level, that fight between Lin and Su? Buckle your seatbelts motherfuckers I have THOUGHTS. Yes, its one of the most badass fights in the entire series, imo, but I’m gonna be real here. Su was winning. She had Lin on the defensive almost the whole time. But Lin was also at about 40% health- run down, emotionally strained, off-kilter from acupuncture treatment (which I agree with @dont-blame-it-on-the-kids was DEFINITELY not in Lin’s best interest that doctor was 100% paid off by the red lotus), and Su is taking advantage of it. If Lin had been at 100%, even like 60%, she would have WIPED THE FLOOR with Su and Su’s dancy-ass bending style. But she still held her own, even though she was literally breaths from passing the fuck out. Did you SEE some of those hits? There’s one in particular where Su hits her in the gut with a rock mid-air that physically couldn’t not have broken several of her ribs. Su’s behavior in this fight absolutely incenses me like how dare she fucking do that I JUST

All this being said I do really love Su as a character I promise.

Su’s base character hasn’t changed, but after going through the Red Lotus and Kuvira together, Lin does recognize that she’s changed in some important ways. She’s still self-oriented, but she’s not the selfish, bratty teen she was when she scarred Lin for life.

Likewise, after seeing the permanence of Lin’s scars and spending more time with her sister, Su realizes that she’s really hurt Lin. She sees how terrible she’s been to this woman who is willing to give her own life to protect everyone around her, Su especially, and actively tries to make up for it. Like I said, she doesn’t apologize with words, but tries to prove to Lin through her actions that she is going to be there for her. And the fact that Lin’s arm flickers toward her weapons whenever Su loses her temper? Su is so disgusted with herself over it that she nearly throws up the first time she thinks about it.

They’re not best friends, but they do become close. Both of their personalities mellow out with age, and they’re more understanding of each other. Su becomes someone Lin is able to talk to about some personal things, if not the extremely deep stuff. They have wine nights and Su sometimes sleeps over if she gets too tipsy. They both act a lot younger with each other, and Su is one of the only people who can snuggle up to Lin and get away with it.

Unless one of them is actively concealing their emotions (its usually Lin), they can read each other like an open book.

Lin remembers all of Su’s favorite foods and colors and activities and songs from childhood. Su realizes that she hardly remembers any of Lin’s and has a guilty meltdown to Bataar over it. He suggests that she pay really close attention to remember them now, and Su makes it her personal mission.

Despite having confronted her feelings of abandonment by Toph ages ago, Su can see that Lin not only feels abandoned but also feels like she’s the one who let their mother down, that the break in their relationship is her fault, not Su’s or Toph’s. She knows how glad she was to have Toph back in her life, even if inconsistently, and sees how much Lin wants their mother’s approval and marches into the swamp (and that’s saying something for Su, who isn’t exactly fond of gross swampy things) and drags Toph out to force her to some of Lin’s award ceremonies or other events, including her wedding to Kya. Lin doesn’t know it was Su’s doing.

“Mother Lin may have said she doesn’t hate you but she deserves more from you and spirits help me you are going to say the words “I am so proud of you” to her or I WILL tell Wing and Wei where to find you-”

Basically, Su’s main apology to Lin for all the years of pain and hurt she’s caused is to kick Toph’s ass into repairing at least some of their relationship. Its the most truly selfless thing she’s done in possibly her entire life, because she never tells Lin.

To be clear: NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF LIN HAD NOT ACTIVELY CHOSEN TO SET ASIDE HER PRIDE AND HURT AND FORGIVE HER SISTER. LIN WAS THE CATALYST- SU WOULD NOT HAVE PUT IN WORK TO EARN HER FORGIVENESS IF LIN HADN’T GIVEN IT TO START WITH. Su’s behavior in Zaofu was utter bullshit, it was not worthy of Lin’s forgiveness. She literally showed up and immediately drove a wedge between Lin and some of the most important people in her life, said horribly mean things to Lin, and used Lin’s illness as an advantage to beat the shit out of her. But Lin, strong, selfless, badass, incredible Lin who is so much more empathetic than anyone in that show gives her credit for, looks at all of that and forgives Su anyway. Its not unconditional, like I said the level of trust isn’t bone deep, but she does the legwork. And you know what, Lin deserves to have family that cares about her in her life. Her niblings adore her, and she eventually believes that Su is genuinely there for her. I will die on this hill.

I know this probably came across as incredibly disorganized and rambly. I’ll talk more about Lin’s relationship with the metal clan kids and/or Toph in another post because I recognize that I’ve gone down a fuckin rabbit hole but I have extremely strong opinions on Lin’s relationship with her sister.

#asks #lin beifong #suyin beifong #thats our lin #but shes a Cool Matriarch™️#do I have a little sister who reminds me of Su to a fuckin T?#am I projecting our relationship onto theirs?#oh most definitely #would I forgive her for just about anything if I saw she had made something of her life and was trying to do better?#yea #should i have to?#no #should lin have had to forgive su?#nope #lin is the ultimate Older Sibling as a Parent trope #she would do just about anything for su #I have SO MANY WORDS ON THIS OK #THIS DOESNT EVEN SCRATCH THE SURFACE #god sorry I super went off

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tommodirection · 3 years

Text

Miss You More

Louis Tomlinson x Singer! Reader

Masterlist

Word Coung: 2.5k

Warnings: swearing, death, cancer, mentions of death

Disclaimer: Miss You More is an actual song that I wrote, and it isn’t published or anything, but it’s one I wrote about the loss of my grandfather, and so I may link it here if I feel like it so you know what the song is and what it’s about, there are just a few words you’d have to change, but anyways!

A/N: Heylo! I’m going to be honest with you, this is not my favorite thing I’ve ever written, and it’s a little corny, and poorly worded, but eh. It’s one am, I’m going to sleep after this! Anyways, I hope y’all enjoy! Thank you, and have a nice day!

——————

Ever since you were a child, you knew you wanted to sing.

It all started with your mum. When you were little, she’d always sing to you, every night before you went to bed.

Soon enough, you began singing back to her, and she loved every second of it.

You sang together every chance you got, singing in the car, in the house, at parties, even when you walked the dog together through your neighborhood.

She had encouraged you to make a YouTube channel for your music, knowing you’d make it big. At first, you were hesitant, not confident enough to post your voice on the internet, but you finally agreed weeks later.

You mostly did covers at first. Of course, your 14-year-old self didn’t know what she was doing. All she knew was that she was doing something she loved.

About a year after making the channel, you began making custom content. You learned to play the guitar and you’d use it almost every second. You took it everywhere. Well, everywhere you knew you’d be able to show off.

The songs were mostly about crushes and school and friends, the main things circling around your life at the time.

But it all changed when you were sixteen.

It was no secret your mother had cancer. She had since you were little, yet she had kept fighting it, succeeding for a few years.

The doctors had said she was getting better, on her way to becoming cured, well, as cured as she could be.

But out of nowhere, it plunged. She was coughing up blood, and could barely stand, needing assistance to go the bathroom. It just kept getting worse.

One of the worst parts of losing your mum was the fact that it was the holiday season, ruining the time of year for your family for years to come.

You remembered her final day alive. She was laying in the hospital bed, lips chapped and all colored drained from her face. Her lips were bloodied as well, reminisce of the blood she had hacked up minutes ago.

Your father and siblings were there beside her. Your father held your little brother, he was four at the time, and your younger sister was standing next to you, she was twelve. Alex didn’t fully understand what was happening, he just knew his mum wasn’t well, and he mostly hid his face in your father’s shoulder.

Morgan, however, understood exactly what was happening, and she was crying beside you. She was trying her best to hold back, maintaining a straight stance and trying to hide her shaking hands. You watched as tears flooded down her face, making small wet patches on the sheets.

You looked at your mum, studying her. She had done so much for all of you, but there was nothing you could do for her as she layed in the bed, motionless, save for her eyes, darting between all of you.

You knew how much singing meant to your mother, and so you did the only thing you knew you could do. You sang.

Her favorite holiday song was Silver Bells, so you started the song, your family soon joining in. Your mother smiled gratefully at all of you.

She joined in towards the chorus, her voice still weak, but just as beautiful as when you first heard it.

Those were your last moments with your mother.

She passed away hours later, the anticipated news crushing your family.

You had all slept together that night, knowing you couldn’t be apart. Alex didn’t know what had happened, and you knew your father couldn’t handle it, so you had stepped in, trying to explain to the boy that his mum was gone, and she wasn’t coming back.

—

After she passed, you had stopped uploading to your channel, getting emotional every time you even tried singing.

But months later, you had decided not to give up. Instead, you chose to move forward. You started writing again.

The song you were writing was about your mother, it seemed fitting. You knew no amount of words could ever sum up your relationship with her, nor your grief, but you tried your best in the song.

You had spent a few months writing the song, not it a rush. You were pouring your heart into this song, and if it was rushed, you knew it’d have no meaning, just some words with a few riffs thrown in.

A few days after your seventeenth birthday, you uploaded the video onto your account, the first video uploaded since your mother had died.

After uploading it, you decided to turn your computer off for the night. You knew how obsessive you got with checking your feedback, you normally refreshed the page until your fingers were sore.

Instead, you walked into the kitchen, guitar forgotten. You hadn’t shared the song with your family yet, and you knew you needed to do acapella, it was much more fitting.

You were scared of how they were going to react, especially your dad and Morgan.

Immediately after finishing the song, Morgan tackled you in a hug, burying her head in your shoulder, “Thank you,” she mumbled and you pelt tears pricking your eyes.

Your dad stood, his hand over his mouth. Alex was sitting at the table, eating his cereal. You waited in silence for a few moments, waiting for your dad to say something, but nothing.

Alex interrupted the silence, “That’s the first time I’ve heard you sing in a while, sissy,” he said, a wide grin. You don’t know where your family would be without Alex. He knew exactly how to light up a whole room, he knew how to make people feel better.

“I know, bud,” you smiled and he gave you a toothy grin, turning back to his cereal.

You dad finally let out a small, choked sob, “I miss her so much,” he said, opening his arms. You quickly collapsed in them. He was the one you wanted approval from the most.

“I do too, Dad,” you whispered.

—

Years later, you found yourself at Triple Strings Record Label.

A man sat in front of you, shuffling through some papers at his desk. He sighed loudly, and shoved the papers aside, giving you his full attention, “So, miss L/N, we’ve heard some of your work, and were quiet big fans,” he said, folding his hands in front of him.

“Thank you,” you smiled nervously, and he glanced at the clock.

“Well, my name is Bryan, Bryan Detreon. I’m an agent here for all the upcoming stars in the music industry, although I can’t take credit for finding you, that goes to the creator of the label himself,” he chuckled and you froze.

“Wait, the owner as in, like, Louis Tomlinson?” You asked, suddenly sitting up in your chair.

Of course you knew who Louis Tomlinson was. You were a year younger than him, grew up with him on the screen and on the radio.

He let out a small laugh, “Yeah, as in Louis Tomlinson, he found you personally and requested you be brought in. He’s offering you a contract, I’ve emailed it to you, but I’d like to go over it now, just to point out some things! Now, he said to take as much time as you needed to decide. You can have a lawyer look over this if you’d like, and just back to us when you have an answer! Although, he’d probably prefer to have it before the beginning of his tour! Oh yeah! He wants you as his one opening act!” He finished, pushing a copy of the document towards you.

You took a second to process what he had said, and when you finally had. You nearly fell out of your chair. “He wants me to open for him?!”

“Yup,” he continued as if it were nothing. “Now, in the first section…” you tuned him out, you’d read it at home.

Louis fucking Tomlinson wanted you to open for him. How were you supposed to say no? Your dream come true, after years of posting on YouTube and going to school to study music, hoping someone would find you, and it had all led to this.

Twenty-six years of your life, all leading up to this moment.

“Any questions?” Bryan asked, locking eyes with your

You quickly shook your head, gathering your stuff and standing up. “Nope, thank you so much for this opportunity, I will definitely look it over and email you as soon as I know! Thank you!” You rambled, and ran out the door, trying to rush home.

“I got fucking signed!” You screamed into the empty household. You had your own place, but you felt the need to run to your family’s home to share the news.

Your dad walked in from the kitchen, Alex trailing behind him. Alex was fourteen now, which now meant he was starting to call horn father out on his bullshit, not that there was much.

“Welcome home to you too,” your Dad teased, and Alex looked up, his face instantly lighting up. He ran and wrapped his arms around you, he was beginning to tower over you.

“I missed you,” he grumbled, trying to hide his face.

You laughed and patted his back, “I missed you too bud.”

“What’s this about being signed?” Morgan strolled into the room, she was still living at home, finishing her last semester of university. She had grown into a beautiful woman, looking almost identical to your mother.

“Right! So, I got a call and email about an interview, and it said to meet at the Sony label here, and to go to the Triple String label office! I get there, and the guy tells me that they’re huge fans and want me to sign a contract with them! Turns out, LOUIS FUCKING TOMLINSON WANTS ME TO OPEN FOR HIM!” You screamed, not caring about the neighbors.

Morgan swooped you into a hug, you hated being the shortest. “Aw, my big sis is going to be a pop star!”

—

Months later, you stood backstage, picking at your sleeve. You glanced behind the curtain and saw hundreds of people standing and an endless chatter.

It was your first show of the tour, you had rehearsed hundreds of times, but that did nothing to settle your nerves.

Louis only had one opening act. You. You were all the crowd got before him, so you had to impress them.

You felt someone grab your waist from behind, as you nearly jumped out of your skin. You heard a small giggle in response, recognizing the voice.

You turned to playfully glare at Louis, your boyfriend of four months. You had bonded during rehearsals, and bonded over your similar life experiences, and soon enough, you had begun dating.

Only a handful of people knew, his family, and the crew on tour with you. You weren’t prepared to tell your family yet.

“What are you lookin at?” He asked, wrapping an arm around you. You rested your head on his chest.

“Just looking at the crowd, it’s huge,” you mumbled and he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“It’ll be alright, they’ll love you,” he assured, and you smiled at him, grateful for his company.

“Thank you Lou,” you went to give him a proper kiss, but you were interrupted by the stage manager, telling you it was time for you to get in your position.

You quickly waved Louis goodbye, and ran to your platform under the stage, the one that you’d be rising up on in seconds.

They gave you a countdown, and a crew member handed you a mic.

On one, they hauled you up, your hand already in their places.

You were met with a roar of cheers and applause as you surfaced, singing one of your most popular songs, ‘Don’t Start With Me Now,’ written about an old, toxic, best friend.

It was thrilling, hearing the people singing your lyrics back to you, you were shocked they knew them. Being on stage gave you adrenaline you’d never experienced before, and soon, all your nerves flooded away.

As you finished your song, you heard the crowd erupted into cheers, whistles being scattered throughout the crowd. Monologue time.

“Hey guys!” You greeted. “My name is Y/N L/N, and I have been chosen by the honorable host, Louis Tomlinson, to open the show up for you guys! I won’t be up here for long, just enough time to play a few more songs, but don’t worry, I’ll be back soon enough!” You hinted, the crowd screaming in response.

You played through all of the songs you’d written, well, except for one. You hadn’t played Miss You More yet, there was a surprise to come later on.

You gave a farewell to the audience, and stepped off stage, the hair and make-up people touching you up before you could even regain your footing.

Louis didn’t particularly like breaks, so the second you were off the platform, he was getting on.

You stood by, waiting for your cue.

The stage manager nodded, and you stepped onto the platform, your dress changed into a skirt and a nice blouse, courtesy of the costume department.

“Now, I have a special guest here to be with me on stage tonight. We both lost our mothers, when they were both remarkably young, and both to cancer. We’ve both written songs about it, and we thought we’d make a mash-up for you guys tonight!” He exclaimed, and the crowd's cheers nearly popped your ear.

Your platform began moving up, revealing you to the crowd. The cheers echoed through the stadium, and you smiled, waving at them, taking your place beside Louis.

You were counted in, and your mashup of Two of Us and Miss You More began. It was one of your favorite things you’d ever taken part in creating, having input from both you and Louis, not just some producers telling you what to do. This was all you.

The last chords of the song bellowed throughout the stadium. The audience’s cries and shouts of praise filled the room once again.

You looked over at Louis, who was busy admiring the crowd, his blue eyes lit up, a genuine smile on his face. It was at this moment that you realized something; you were in love with this man.

His eyes finally caught yours, and he gestured to the crowd, who was still burning as bright as before.

You smiled and whispered, “I love you.”

You knew Louis had gotten great and lip readings he had basically mastered it.

He quickly out his mic back on the stand and pulled you into a hug, leaning down to say something into your ear, just loud enough so you could hear, “I love you too.”

—

The next day, Louis was pulled into an interview before you headed to the next location. The questions were pretty simple ones, mostly openers for him to promote the movie, but there was one question at the end that made you both smile.

“What song did you fall in love to?”

You knew the answer.

A/N: Let me know if you wanna be added to my permanent taglist! Just send an ask or a message!

Permanent Taglist: @everything-is-alrightt

#louis tomlinson fanfiction #louis tomilson #louis tomlinson x reader #louis tommo #louis tomlinson #two of us #fanfic #i’m bored #sorry for being depressing #one direction x reader #one direction

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