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gwynfahr · 7 months

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Sleeping position

Jordan Li x reader

Synopsis : You can't seem to fall asleep and keep accidentally bugging your lover throughout the night.

1:57am

"Jordan ? You awake ?" encased in your partners arms, in his masc form for the moment, your voice sounding loud despite the fact you were whispering in the night.

His answer came in a groan and a stir, telling you he was listening.

"Did we do the assignment for Brink's class tomorrow ?" your voice sounded anxious, and you clearly forgot you did it earlier with Jordan while watching an episode of Property Brothers.

"You thinking 'bout that in the middle of the night ?" muffled words came from your lovers whose head was located on the crook of your neck. "We did it two hour ago, babe."

"Oh. That's right, I forgot, sorry for waking you up, baby, go back to sleep." You were still wide awake, so you took it on yourself to help him fall back asleep, after all, you didn't have classes early in the morning tomorrow, while he did. Your hand slowly began caressing his hair and he groaned a bit at the soothing motion, grateful.

Ten minutes later, Jordan was back asleep and you still couldn't sleep. You didn't dare move too much as Jordan's body was litteraly flushed against your side and you really didn't want to wake him up, so you just laid in bed, eyes wide open, trying to understand why your brain wouldn't just fall asleep.

3:36am

An hour later, you got a cramp so painful that you jerked up harshly, moving your boyfriend with you. Your whimpers of pain were made to be silent in order to not wake Jordan up more than he already was, but it was too late.

"Babe, you okay ?" He asked, not quite awake, but definitely not half asleep anymore.

"I got a cramp, sorry." You answered, massaging your calf where the cramp hurt like a bitch. "Shit, that hurts..."

Jordan took your leg in his arms and gently massaged the area, figuring that, if he was awake, he must do something to help. Soon enough, the pain faltered to a reasonable amount. "That's better ?"

You nodded. "Yeah, I'm sorry for waking you again, you have classes tomorrow..."

"No it's okay, I was having a nightmare either way, so I should thank you for that."

"Really ? Do you want to talk about it ?" You took his hand, an expression of concern on your face.

"Meh, it's stupid." He said, and then suddenly, Jordan was sat in front of you in her female form.

"Nothing is stupid when it comes to nightmares baby, if you don't want to talk about it, though, it's okay, we can just cuddle until you fall back asleep." you proposed.

"That's clearly implying you won't sleep." Jordan said as you took a more confortable postion, laying back down, face to face on your sides.

"I wasn't sleeping before, but it"s okay, I don't have classes in the morning so, I'll be able to get back some sleep then. You have to wake up early though, baby, you need your beauty sleep."

"Please," Jordan snorted "I don't need sleep to look hot, and I've done worse than a four hours night of sleep. Why weren't you sleeping ?" she asked, hugging you close to her so her head was rested comfortably on your neck, caressing your head. Mechanically, you did the same.

"I think I forgot something, but I can't remember what, and it's bugging me. Ithought it was an assignment or somethng, but it wasn't that. Not a birthday either, not something school related, not an important date for us, not an appointment... I thought about everything and I can't remember." Somehow, explaining it to Jordan made it feel even more stupid, if you forgot something, then you'd remember at some point, no need to lose sleep over it.

Your girlfriend looked deep in thought.

"Maybe it's just your anxiety taking a toll on you. I know it hppens to me when I'm stressed. Just try to forget bout forgetting something and relax." She moved her hands to your back, scratching it softly in a soothing motion, making you giggle a bit at the tickles it created. "I mean, we could also fuck until we're both too tired and lazy to even think about anything, but I feel like you're not really in the mood." She joked a smirk on her face.

You genuinely thougth about it. Jordan was wearing one of your shirt right now, and she looked so hot in it it was criminal. Plus, you really wanted to sleep. However, you felt like the cramp would come back at any too suden moves or contraction of your muscles. "We could make out instead ? You look so hot right now that it's really hard saying no, you need to know."

Soon enough, the both of you were flush against the other, legs entangled, Jordan's hands on your neck as yours were messing with her hair (making it more toussled than it was before). Your mouthes moved in sync, gently, slowly, carefully, you had time, neither of you wanted to sleep anymore. You had to come up for air after some time, but you still found the breath to whisper to Jordan.

"I love you so much, Jordan. So so much."

"I love you too. So much" Was your girlfirend's answer, after a minute of silence where she kissed everywhere she could on your face.

You spent, maybe twenty more minutes making out, Jordan switching forms twice, settling in his male form. Finally, you bth stopped, out of breath. You looked in each other's eyes and Jordan whispered :

"We should try to sleep."

"You're right, it's actually crazy to see you be the responsible one on this relationship, though." You teased before cuddling again with your boyfriend, the forgotten thing plaguing your mind forgotten.

You both fell asleep peacefully ten minutes later.

_________________________________________

4:33 am

Rufus was still calling for help after you hung him on the american flag hamper in the main alley of God U, five hours earlier.

It seems you forgot about this entirely.

#jordan li x reader #gen v #gen v x reader #my looooove #R.I.P Rufus even though he's a creep #It's kinda rushed but I'm writing at 1am and am sleep deprived #Not beta we die like Brink #by deserving it #jordan li #jordan li fluff #jordan li imagine #jordan's my love and my life at the moment

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thebearer · 10 months

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honestly, thinking about the last episode and thinking about pete, and i am an honest to god pete defender.

like he is so good to sugar, and tries to hard to be good for her, good for the whole family. he knows how fucked up they all are, and he's just there- a little sunshiney boy trying to keep everything together. he has the best of intentions, he really does.

the scene with donna outside the restaurant. how he's just trying to do what's best and he feels empathy for her? he sees the best in people and honestly, i get why they're hard on him- he's not their usual type in the family, but pete deserves all the love and support genuinely.

just picturing your first true berzatto family get together. donna wants to see the new baby, so they have it at the restaurant. steven and michelle from out of town, jimmy, leo, donna, everyone- the whole gang. you're overwhelmed, especially when donna starts drinking.

pete just kinda comes and sits by you, while you're alone and unsure in the corner. you'd already been hounded with a million questions, carmen is trying to keep the peace in the kitchen, trying to check on you, trying to keep everyone from killing each other.

"how are you doing?" pete asks, sitting beside you, baby mikey in his arms.

"i-i'm good." you muttered, eyes darting around the room.

"it's a lot." pete sighed.

"it is a lot." you muttered, nodding slowly. "i mean, i knew it was gonna be a lot. carmy warned me on that but it's like..."

"so much worse than you thought it would be?" pete looked at you carefully.

"yeah." you nodded. "i, uh, i understand a lot more now."

"they're, uh, they're actually really nice. all of them, on their own." pete offered. "like steve and michelle, they're great, really. easy to talk to, always really nice, super fuckin' funny. and...and you know jimmy. leo is... leo's kinda a ball buster. got this dry sense of humor, but he'll be nice to you, a little invasive you know? but he's got good intentions."

you nodded slowly, eyes scanning around the room towards each person. "what about his mom?" you muttered, looking at the white haired woman nursing another glass of chardonnay. "she, uh, she hasn't spoke to me the whole time. i tried to introduce myself and she walked right past me." you tried not to sound hurt, carmen told you to shake it off, but it did hurt. that was his mother, no matter how he tried to play it off.

"donna is... donna is a lot." pete hummed. "she... you can't force donna. ok? she'll come to you when she's ready. right now, she doesn't know who you are. and as fucked up as it is, it's her way of looking out for carm, looking out for herself. just give that one time. she's watching you."

you scoffed lightly. "yeah? that supposed to make me feel better pete?"

"no. no not at all." pete laughed. "but, just some advice. you gonna leave carmen anytime soon?"

"no." you furrowed your brows, shooting a glare at him.

"then you show her that. she'll ease into you. i promise." pete said.

"thank you, pete." you nodded sincerely at him. "thanks for this."

"of course." pete grinned. "it's a lot and they're all too caught up in their own to try and help so... we outsiders gotta look out for each other."

you laughed lightly, looking down at the baby in his arms. he had the berzatto nose, carmen's and mikey's. "you're not an outsider anymore." you grinned. "not with this little guy."

pete smiled proudly. "i'm still an outsider. just got like a lifetime pass in." you laughed, reaching out to stroke the baby's soft tuft of hair. "you wanna hold him?"

"are you sure?" your eyes flashed to him. "i'm not great at it."

pete shrugged, fishing his hand sanitizer out and tossing it to you. "just don't drop him. i won't abandon you with him. promise."

you freshly sanitized hands shook lightly, grabbing the baby a little unsure, shifting the weight in your arm until it was comfortable. baby mikey gurgled, face scrunching for a moment, before he settles, lulled back into whatever rest he was in before.

"ah, he likes you." pete boasted. "must know you're gonna be a vip like me."

you snorted lightly, swaying back and forth with the tiny baby. "yeah. hopefully."

"you will be." pete nodded, his eyes cutting over to the figure by the windows. "judging by carmy's face, you definitely will be."

you looked up, seeing your boyfriend standing there, a water in his white knuckled grip staring at you. you smiled gently, nodding him over.

"they got you on baby sitting duty?" carmen grinned, trying to play off how flustered he was before, how his heart was skipping a beat seeing you like that.

"somethin' like that." you hummed. "pete just asked if i wanted to hold him. he's cute. kinda looks like you."

carmen scoffed as pete boasted. "he does, doesn't he! i told nat that and she told me i was crazy! see, nat!" he stood, going to get his wife from across the room, a promise he'd be right back.

carmen slid into his spot, leaning over your shoulder to look at the baby- his nephew. "he's cute." he nodded. "sorry you got stuck with pete." his tone snarled, rolling his eyes gently.

"hey, stop that." you frowned. "pete is very sweet, alright? he's a good guy, carm."

carmen could feel his shoulders tense. he was a good fuckin' guy, he knew that, that's why they gave him such a hard time. "you're right." carmen muttered. "he is a good guy."

"what were you two talking about?" carmen asked, letting the baby wrap his tiny fist around his finger.

"he was just telling me about your family."

"oh." carmen rolled his eyes sarcastically. "i'm sure that was great."

"it was." you said firmly, looking at him. "all the good stuff, baby. promise."

carmen blushed, resisting the urge to kiss you while his sister and pete came back over, pete exaggeratedly talking about how the baby did look like carmy and mikey and you agreed, which then brought jimmy over to give his opinion, stevie and michelle following, until everyone was around you bickering and throwing back and forth about who was right.

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astermath · 10 months

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nemesis; part two.

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: with carmen reworking the restaurant, you’d think his mind would be far too occupied to even think about anything else. yet he can’t shake the guilt from what he’d put you through a month prior. after some talks in therapy, he decides to take a leap of faith and see if he can talk it out with you. he not only wants to convince you that he can be better, but he's got an offer for you too. one you truly can't refuse.

♡ landing page ♡

word count: 4.9K

tags: carmen being unsure about his feelings but trying to be better episode 3265742, letting reader in a little more, APOLOGIES!!!, cursing ig, carm goes to therapy yippee, syd being the absolute realest, regular font below!

notes: sorry this took literally forever omg, I lost my carmen muse for a bit but we are SO back baby. I missed him so much and so sorry if some things don't follow the canon completely (I've been watching season 2 on and off bc I've been so busy lol BUT my fics never follow the canon completely anyways),, hope u guys enjoy and let me know if you'd like a part three ;))

lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list for further carmen berzatto related content! comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

Carmen’s life hadn’t known a moment of mental rest in ages. If you asked him when he last sat down with his thoughts or acknowledged his mental anguish, he probably would have said he couldn’t remember the last time. If ever.

With plans to completely revamp The Beef and everything that came with it, now his feelings should be the last thing on his mind. Renovation plans, unforeseen costs and a completely new menu, sure, he could worry his ass off about those, but feelings? Absolutely not. Good thing he was usually so good at suppressing those anyways.

So why was it that he couldn’t shake the thought of what he did to you?

Why, every time he had a moment to himself, would he be overtaken by this intense feeling of guilt? He didn’t even have to be alone, just a second of quiet and the image of you crying in distress would intrude on his thoughts.

It was getting to a point where he’d told his sister, Natalie, about it. Well, not all of it, he wasn’t even sure if he knew all of it. Just that he knows he hurt you, and that coming to terms with what he projected onto you might be a good first step in understanding himself better.

Or maybe it was something more along the lines of “I gotta talk my shit to some people”. Probably that.

To his surprise, it was actually helping. Besides the group therapy sessions where he’d talk about Mikey, the business and his future, he was talking to other people in his life too. Even told Sydney about you, kind of on accident. The words just seemed to… Flow out. It was probably the exhaustion doing its thing.

“I guess I just felt like,” he kept his eyes on the floor he was sweeping, “she was doing it all to fuck with me. I don’t even know where I got the sick idea that she had some obsession over me, but it— it drove me at the same time. It’s like her being on my heels at every aspect of culinary school just made me want to try even harder.”

“Maybe you painted her in that light because you knew it was a good way to keep pushing yourself.” Sydney spoke almost absentmindedly, sweeping the other side of the room. She listened to everything he said in the meantime, and though what he was telling her was a bit worrying, she was glad they got to have talks like this. Carmen often doesn’t like to bring up his past like that.

“Huh,” he paused sweeping for a moment, “yeah… yeah, maybe. Or maybe it was something else.”

Sydney wasn’t even sure he knew what he was referring to. It sounded like something entirely different, like a crush, but what kind of person treats their crushes like that?

Probably an overworked, pressured, overachieving culinary student with a dangerous need for validation. But she wasn’t about to tell him that.

“So yeah, I visited her restaurant, and… It just felt the exact same as back in New York, you know? Like she was rubbing it in my face again, and— and I know that sounds insane, or conceited, but I just can’t let it go. It’s like the thought of her is stuck to my brain like a stubborn piece of gum.” He wanted to smack himself for that stupid analogy, but what was said was said.

“So how’d you handle it?” Sydney’s head perked up, some of her braids now draping over her shoulders.

“Handle what?” Carmen became more and more uneasy the more he talked about you. Like his chest was tight, it was uncomfortable, but not in the way he was when the health inspection came by, it was different. Weirder. Unfamiliar. He didn’t like it, because he didn’t understand it.

“The talk with her.” She emptied the last bit of dust into the trash bag.

“Oh,” his mind took him back to the parking lot a month ago. The way he could almost taste the tears of your skin from how close he stood, he could hear the shakiness of your breath and the profound desperation in your voice when you apologized to him, when you really had no reason to.

If it was still so clear in his mind, then what must it be like for you?

“Carmen?” Sydney snapped him out of his oncoming train of thought.

“Yeah? Sorry, I— Uh, I don’t know it was…” He runs a hand through his hair, suddenly finding it in his best interest to look anywhere else but her face. “Bad. It was— It was bad.” He looks a bit shameful when he meets her eyes. “I fucked up. I like, went all New York boss on her. And then I just… Left.”

His colleague just stares at him for a moment. She knew what he was like when he snapped like that, but that was with his staff, people he liked. So how badly did he snap on you, a person he’d been resenting for years?

“I’m gonna go take out this trash, and uh… Head home.” She lifts the grey plastic bag she was holding. “But uh, Carm?”

“Yeah?”

“You got issues, man.” She has a bit of an awkward smile on her face, but he knows she means it. He knows she’s right. She usually is.

He nods, silently, letting her words sink in. He did have issues, everyone knew that, but most people didn’t just say it. That’s why he liked Sydney, she was so real, so honest. She was so good for the business, for the kitchen. And maybe her saying that to him was all part of grounding him in the reality of it all. Of his issues, just that they existed.

“Heard.” he says. His voice comes out raspier than he expected, like he’s struggling to say it.

“Goodnight, chef.”

“Night.”

He’d thought about what Sydney said the entire night. He does have issues, he knows that, he’s just mad at himself for letting everything get this far before seeking help. It scares him. Because it reminds him too much of Mikey. Or what he heard about him when things got bad.

He doesn’t want to make the same mistakes his brother did. Lock people out of his life just because it seems easier, because it’s better to minimize the damage than to figure out why you’re doing damage at all. And yes it’s uncomfortable, yes it’s scary, terrifying even. But he keeps being reminded of how it must feel for you.

It’s something he’d never considered before. He always thought he had you all figured out, all fake smiles and backhanded compliments to distract him. It never occurred to him to just… Ask. It was always just easier to assume. It fit his view of you and it kept him going, even if it was at the expense of ever getting to know you at all.

He’s hoping he can change that with a few text messages and a long, probably uncomfortable, talk over coffee. Just hoping, trying, that’s really all he can do. He’s well aware of how bad he is at communicating, but he has to give it a shot. For you, at least.

He stares at his phone screen for far longer than is necessary, continuously rereading the messages he’d typed. His eyes keep flicking to your contact, making sure he sent it to the right person. The only thing you two had texted about before was a time and place for him to try your new restaurant. His heart aches at the exclamation points and emojis you’d sent; you were so excited, and he drove all that excitement straight into the ground.

He closes his eyes and shuts off the phone. His chest hurts, like he’s been holding his breath the entire time. Maybe he has. You could have that effect on him, making it harder to breathe. He always wondered why he had such nervous reactions around you specifically. He always figured it had to do with your one sided rivalry, but it feels… Different. More complex.

Your eyes are finally peeled off your computer screen when numerous phone notifications alarm you. Truth be told, you’ve been trying your best to keep yourself occupied as much as possible. That usually helps when you get waves of emotions like this, keeping busy, distracting your mind from overthinking.

Ever since your last encounter with Carmen, you’ve been so on edge. Always trying to do something, anything, so you wouldn’t have to think about what happened, why he acted like that to you. Because you know if you did, you’d just start blaming yourself again, and you’d be back to square one.

Your eyebrows raise at the name of the contact. You were sure he’d blocked you, or at least deleted your number after last time. He was avoidant like that, and frankly, you weren’t sure if you wanted him to talk to you again after that anyways. Maybe it was just to drive the point home, make you feel even more worthless.

Still, you were curious. Even if it was just to cuss you out even more, at least you knew what to expect, right?

[carmen]: hey, I really want to talk to you about what happened last time.

[carmen]: well

[carmen]: I want to apologise

[carmen]: but I can’t do that like this

[carmen]: I’d much rather do it in person

[carmen]: if you’d let me

[carmen]: meet me at odette’s tomorrow around 10? coffee’s on me, I just want to talk

[carmen]: please

The last message was sent minutes later than the rest, while you were reading them. He was desperate for an answer, and though you wanted to hear him out, to talk to him, something in you felt off about the whole thing. Like he was just doing this to clear off his own guilt, only to then ditch you just like he ditched you after culinary school. Because you’re rivals, apparently. That’s what you do.

But then there’s something else in you too. The part that’s still nostalgic about New York with him. About the glances back and forth when you were timed on preparing certain things, about the way he’d stare at you when you got feedback, the ignorant bliss you lived in. When you still believed he might have liked you just a little.

That part of you takes the upper hand when you reply and take his offer. Your heart is in your throat, nerves overtaking you already and you weren’t even with him yet. He had that effect on you sometimes, making it harder to breathe.

You wondered what that meant.

Carmen sits alone at a booth, all the way at the back of the café he’d chosen. It’s rather quiet, as most Mondays are, yet at the same time, it’s so loud. Loud in the way he hears the clinking of every spoon against porcelain cups, the crinkling of a napkin and the not so subtle ticking of the clock above the entrance. 10:06. You were late.

Suddenly he's filled with more regret than he's ever felt before. He's not ready to see you again, only to be reminded of how he made you cry, and of his own tumultuous emotions and shortcomings that lead to this moment. It's surprising how fast the emotions he associates with you changed; he's not angry anymore, he's scared, guilty, nervous. He wants to see you so bad and yet he feels like you'd be better off never talking to him again.

It's too late to make a run for it when you finally walk through the door. Hair a little damp from the rain, just a bit disheveled from what he could only assume to be rushing over to the café. And that same angelic smile you offer to the barista that greets you, the same one you'd offer him every morning, whether he looked at you or not.

He had no choice but to look now.

Your smile falters into something more nervous, a little melancholic, when your eyes meet his across the café. Though you knew he was going to be there, something in you feels surprised to see him again. Maybe it’s because he isn’t yelling at you or throwing insults at your head this time. Or maybe because he’s actually looking you in the eye. Since when did he get so good at that?

You sit down across him, taking off your coat and putting your bag besides you.

“Hey.” You smile again, much more awkward this time.

“Hey.” He returns the same thin lipped smile.

It’s quiet for a few seconds. Carmen swears the whole café has gone silent in that moment, leaving the two of you to listen to the sound of your own breathing and heartrate picking up. You’re not sure where to look, not being used to being in such an intimate setting with him.

“Do you want a coffee?”

“Sorry I was late.”

You both talk over each other, and the urge to chuckle about it overtakes you. Carmen can’t help but smile as well. You seem nervous, and somehow that puts him a little more at ease. Like he’s not the only one who’s in their head about it.

“Sorry, I, uhm, yeah— I would like a coffee.” You scramble over your words. “Please.”

“Sure,” he nods, “and no worries.”

“Hm?”

“That you were late. I haven’t been here that long either.” He lied. He’d been there half an hour early, cursing himself for letting him sit along with his thoughts for that long and psyching himself out into almost leaving.

You both order and another heavy silence sits between you two. You both know why you’re there, what needs to be talked about. Yet neither of you know how to bring it up.

You’ve lived most of your lives believing this version of each other you had in your minds. Because it kept you grounded. Because it was easier. He never let you in and for the longest time, you were at peace with that. You could have a slightly distant view of who he was, your classmate, your rival. And he could do the same. Keep you out, pretend you were there to keep him on his toes, to always try to outdo him.

Those facades of each other don’t work anymore. The real world has forced you to reconcile with each other, whether you liked it or not.

Your coffee gets brought to your table, and both of you feel this urgency to say something, anything, at least.

“The pastries here are good too, if you want to get one.” He finally broke the awkward silence. He can start with talking about food, something he knows. If all else fails, resort back to that.

“I haven’t tried a pastry besides my own in a long time. Maybe I could learn a thing or two here.” You admit. He knows that feeling. He’s not nearly as adventurous with his food choices as he wants to be, but as a busy chef on the brink of a new entrepreneurship, it’s usually beef sandwiches and frozen meals.

“I think yours were better though.” He takes a sip of his coffee.

“Huh?” You look up, realizing you were avoiding eye contact by staring into your cup.

“The danish I tried at your place. It was fire.”

“Oh. Right. Thank you, we make everything from scratch.”

“I could tell.” He takes another sip. “I guess I— I kinda forgot to tell you that. In the heat of it all.” He huffs to himself. “Food was so good it made me upset.”

“Upset?” His word use frustrates you. Upset is when they forget to give you your sauce with your order. What happened back there was not upset. That was rage. Wrath. You raise an eyebrow and he realizes he said something wrong.

“Well, more than upset. Listen, I— We need to talk about what happened.” His blue eyes peer into your own. They’re almost distracting enough to avoid you noticing his fidgeting hands.

“I’m listening.” You lean back slightly in your seat. You’d played nice with Carmen all your life, given him every chance to return it. Now it was his turn to try.

"Right." Of course he has to talk. It's his fault, isn't it? He's the one who snapped-- why did he even imply you'd have to explain yourself? He runs a hand through his hair, and there he goes again, eyes darting across the café to find something to focus on as he sought out the right words. You'd almost find it endearing, how bad he is at this, if it wasn't so important to you.

"You don't do this often, do you?"

"What, like-- meeting up for coffee?"

"Talking about stuff. Your feelings and shit." You hid your slightly amused smile behind your coffee cup before taking a small sip.

"Oh. Yeah, no, I-- I don't. Not until recently." He takes a deep breath. Just like they had told him to. “I’ve been going to this therapy thing my sister recommended. S’not much, but… It’s a start. Talked about the restaurant, my brother—“

“Your brother?” Your eyebrows raise slightly.

“Yeah, my— my brother. Mikey.” He looks a bit surprised. He’s come to the shattering realization that he’s never told you anything about his personal life, ever. You don’t even know about one of the most important people in his life, his main drive. You’ve known each other for so long yet you know so little. “I never told you about him?”

“You never told me anything.” You answer curtly. “We never really… Talked, you know?”

“Yeah— yeah, you’re right. I just thought… Wow.” He smiles, more out of shock than anything. He feels so stupid. How immature is it to be feuding this much with a person who doesn’t know anything about you?

“I guess I really don’t know much about you either.” His fingers rake through his messy curls again. “Makes me feel like even more of an idiot for going off on you like that. Like I had you all figured out.”

“Yeah, that was uh... That was something." The mood shifts a little. His smile fades as soon as he sees the melancholy in your eyes return. Of course it wouldn't be that easy for you to forgive him, to feel better about all this. "You know, I never knew you thought of me like that." A small smile graces your features. Somehow it's sadder than the expression you had before.

"I mean, I knew you didn't like me. I was pretty much at peace with the fact that you were never going to like me, either. But I never thought you hated me that much." You sniffle, trying your hardest to blink away any oncoming tears. "Like your life, your entire career, would have been easier without me there at all."

His heart aches at the sight of you, all teary eyed and trying to be brave. You're much braver than him. Sadness is a much harder thing to express than anger. He's starting to figure that out more and more.

"I don't hate you." He starts. He sees the confusion contort your features, and he knows he's not making any sense. "I mean I did-- I did hate you. Or, maybe not you, just... The fucked up idea I had of you. And-- and that was on me, that was my own fault." He feels an urge to touch you; to rub your back, hold your hand, anything to comfort you. It's tearing him apart to know that he's the cause of all this.

"But why?" A single tear rolls down your cheek, leaving a wet streak on your skin in its wake. "Why did you think that about me? I-- I get that we had a little rivalry going but jesus Carmen, did you really think I spent my whole culinary school career trying to outdo you?"

"To be honest... Yeah." He feels ashamed. So ashamed. He hopes the waitress doesn't walk by and listen to any of this, see you crying, and make you feel even worse. "Cooking was always just... My thing. If I was good for anything, it would be that. So seeing you do so well at something I'd started to base my whole existence around, it made me jealous, so fucking jealous." He meets your eyes, even if it's hard. You have to know he's being sincere.

"And it's-- it's unfair, it's so unfair to you, I know, and I'm really fuckin' sorry. I'm trying to work on myself, on everything, and I hope I can prove that to you." His face has that red tint you recognize whenever he's nervous or stressed. You can tell this is taking a lot from him.

"Is that really all? You were just jealous?" Your voice is quieter, fragile almost.

"I don't know. I wanna think it's that simple but I really don't know. There's a lot I don't understand about me, or you, or us. My mind doesn't know how to react when I see you anymore I think, now that things are different." He takes a deep breath, like saying that took a physical toll on him. "You have this-- this weird effect on me, and I don't know how to cope with it. I think it was just easier to be mad at you than to be anything else."

Anger is easier to express than sadness. The easiest out of all emotions, actually. Sometimes a little too easy.

You look to the side, wiping your cheek with the back of your hand. You huff out something close to a laugh, and though he’s caught off guard by it, he doesn’t mind it. Even if you’re laughing at him, at least that means you’re not crying.

“You’ve got issues Berzatto. You know that?”

“Yeah. I’ve been told.” He smiles, and it’s heartfelt this time. Not nervous, or sad, or awkward. He’s happy to see you a little more at ease.

“It’s just really crazy to me.” You trace your finger over the edge of your coffee cup as you talk. “I spent so much time in culinary school looking up to you. And then I find out you were always just trying to keep up with me.”

Carmen’s eyebrows raise a little at your words. “Looked up to me?”

“Yeah, like… Your drive, your passion, it’s so impressive. Always looking to improve, to do better, it just— it inspired me to do better too. As cheesy as that may sound.” You smiled. “S’why I opened up in Chicago, you know.”

“Really? Huh.” He leaned back in his seat.

“Because I wanted to work with you. Or for you. Either would have been fine with me.” You sigh. “I like owning my own place, but… I don’t know, for some reason I always imagined us working together.” You smiled. “Is that stupid?”

“No,” he replied quickly, “no not at all, I— I totally get that.” He’s quiet for a few seconds, and you can practically hear the gears turning in his head when he stares at you for a moment.

“I mean you’re a remarkable chef, really, like— insanely remarkable, and, well, we’re revamping the restaurant completely right now. We need people— more people, new people, and so, I was wondering— or I’ve been thinking—“ He stops himself from losing his breath from all his rambling, before he freaks you out even more than he already has.

“I want you to come work for us at the Bear.” He puts his hands together, as if he’s about to beg. “Please.”

You can almost hear yourself blinking out of confusion. There’s suddenly no more loud silences, no, the café seems dead quiet for once. All you can do is stare at him, wait for a laugh, because clearly this was a joke right? There’s no way Carmen Berzatto, chef supreme, arch nemesis of yours, would want you anywhere near him, let alone work in his own establishment.

“I’m sorry?”

He feels stupid already. You had every reason to say no. He’d been the biggest asshole in the world to you, he’d kept his distance all his life, and now he expects you to be his employee. Or, well, colleague, more so.

“I’m uh— we’re redoing the restaurant entirely. New equipment, new staff, new everything.” He swallows; the thought of everything that needed to be done arises for a moment. “We need people that work hard, who know what they’re doing and who are passionate about it. And I barely know anyone who’s better at what you do than yourself.” He pauses, waiting for you to stop him. But you don’t.

“So I’m asking if you’d work for me. With me. It won’t be anything like old days, if anything I— I need to learn from you.” He scoffs at himself. “Could take a thing or two about how to communicate with my staff.”

You smile, and he genuinely thinks you’re about to start laughing at him. You chuckle, but it’s not mean, it’s honest. Cute.

“You know, you have great timing.” You grin.

“I do?” the smile on his face reflects the hope he feels.

“One of my chefs wants to take over the place for me. Well, has been wanting to. I haven’t had an exact reason to say yes to her yet.” You shrugged. “Guess I do now.”

“…Is that you saying yes?”

“It’s definitely not me saying no.” Your eyes meet his, and there’s something between you both that’s different now. It’s not like there’s a switch that’s been flipped. It‘s more like this conversation was the turning page of a new chapter.

“I’ll think about it. I want to see it first. Maybe talk to some of your staff.” Carmen’s chest strains a little when he thinks about you interacting with Richie. Then he’s reassured when he thinks about you interacting with Sydney or Marcus. You’d fit in well, you have great feeling for people.

“Yeah— yeah, I get that. Totally. I can arrange that. Uhm, we’re renovating right now, actually, it’s all really kinda wild, but if you wanna stop by, chat with Syd, or Nat, or talk about the plans, let me know. I’m sure they’d love to talk to you.” He’s not lying, you seem like you’d get along well with them. Especially Sydney. Your thinking processes are very similar to each other. And to his.

Carmen gets the bill, even though you try to pay for it.

“It’s just a coffee, just let me get this one.”

You let him have this one, simply because you can’t argue with him after the conversation you just had. You’re in too good of a mood after his proposition too.

He walks you to your car, hands in his pockets when you reach it. It’s cold outside, and his breath comes out in visible puffs of air. His nose is a little red, but you think it looks cute.

“Thanks for coming, by the way,” he starts, “I know you didn’t have to. Like— after how I acted to you. But— But I really do appreciate that you’re givin' me a chance here.” He’d always been confused about how positive and faithful you were in people. He never thought he’d be grateful for those exact features too.

“No worries, I… I had a good time. I’m glad we talked.” The keys jingle as you fidget with them. Among them is a keychain in the shape of a cherry, he recognizes it. It reminds him of how little you’ve both changed. And how much.

“Yeah.” He sighs. Relieved, almost. “Me too. But I’ll let you leave, might wanna tell your chef the good news.”

“Good news?” You quirk an eyebrow.

“That you’re selling them the business.”

“I haven’t decided yet, Carm.” You scoff. But he can tell you have, you look too excited about it all to not have your mind made up yet. It excites him too. Scares him a bit as well, but what’s a new chapter without a bit of tension?

“Right. Sorry.” He huffs. “Just text me when you wanna head over to see the place. It’s uh… It’s a work in progress, but it’s getting somewhere.”

“I believe you. I’m looking forward to it.” You lean back against your car a little.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“See y’around?” You unlock it and walk up to the driver’s side.

“Course. Uh, don’t be a stranger.”

You grin, leaning down to get into the vehicle. “Never with you, Berzatto.”

He watches you drive off, standing in the cold for far longer than any sensible person has any business standing there. But he feels good. He feels warm.

He thinks about what you said to him before you left. You were right, you were never a stranger to him. You were always like a constant in his life; whether you were actually present or not. And even if he didn’t know that much about you, which he was insistent on changing, you were never a stranger.

Never with him.

tag list <3

@beebslebobs @thatone-brightstar @spr3id @deadandstill @777iii @magicboytrash @dogdevourer @wiipes @sierrahhh @crayzmarvelfan800 @azxulaa @astridyoo15 @rexorangecouny @azxulaa @jointherebellion215 @diorrfairy @chanluuvr @idontexist-anymore @wolfiealina

#carmenmath #aster writes the bear #carmen berzatto writing #carmen berzatto x fem!reader #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmen berzatto the bear #carmen berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto fic #carmen berzatto blurb #carmen berzatto x y/n #jeremy allen white imagine #jeremy allen white fic #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto the bear fx

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ofoceansandtombsanew · 5 months

Text

10:30 ー NANAMI KENTO. and the dark awaits us all around the corner; but here in our place, we have for the day, can we stay a while and listen for heaven?

“I can feel you looking at me.”

“How do you know? Your eyes are closed.”

A brown eye opens to see you, unsurprisingly, resting your chin on your palm. Guilty as charged, you’ve been watching him. “I can’t truly enjoy our joint day off if I don’t look at you lovingly before you wake up,” you grin and despite your boyfriend’s best efforts, he chuckles lightly. “It’s Sunday,” you remind him unnecessarily with a giggle. “The world works differently on Sundays even if you’re a big bad jujutsu sorcerer with a world record of black flashes.”

“I regret letting you and Gojou meet,” Kento’s tired sigh only makes even more laughter bubble from your lips. You don’t know many people from the sorcerer life Kento told you about, but Satoru is a riot. Any choice of confections and the white-haired man will quickly divulge all the stories he has about Kento’s teenage years. Part of you is certain he’d do that even if sweet treats weren’t on the table though. “Have you been up long?”

You shake your head before falling back onto your side, “not too long." It's rare Kento has time to himself from his work as a sorcerer. It's complicated but you can understand the gist of it. Curses don't stop and thus, neither can he. You'll treasure the time he does have, at least.

You have been ever since he told you the truth about his job. What being with him would entail. He said it wouldn't be fair to keep it from you began getting serious.

It's only a matter of time before Kento retires and he can rest as much as he deserves. Malaysia. We should go on a trip soon. He's always wanted to go.

A comfortable silence falls over your room as you look at each other with a pair of matching smiles.

"Good morning," the blond's voice rumbles with a tired but satisfied hum. He reaches out a hand and you meet it halfway.

You kiss the back of his knuckles before pressing your lips to the tips of his fingers. "Morning," you whisper before holding his hand to your chest and twining your fingers.

You close your eyes and lean into his warmth. I never knew I could love somebody this much. The world is cold and cruel but Nanami Kento is proof that, despite that fact, there is still warmth and beauty to be found in it. "Let's just stay in bed today."

"And abandon our plans for brunch?"

"Yes," you say resolutely. There's no where you'd rather be than at home with your boyfriend.

Kento's thumb brushes the side of your fingers, "I normally wouldn't fight against staying in but it would be rude to the employees if we didn't go in for the reservation."

"Okay, okay," you groan. This is what happens when you make reservations and you're not selfish enough to inconvenience restaurant staff. "You take your shower fir-"

When you open your eyes, Kento is gone and the vibrant color and warmth of your room went with him.

The bed feels too large for one person.

Your hand isn't covered by another a few sizes larger than your own; it isn't engulfed in a palm that is a strange dichotomy of rough and soft. Instead your hand is in the open and bare, save for the ring gracing one of your fingers.

Finding it was an accident during a manic cleaning episode a few days prior. Kento had it hidden away neatly in a cupboard you almost always forgot you had.

Ah.

Reality sets in and your giddy smile drops.

Right.

1 WEEK AGO. OCTOBER 31, 2018 ; 23:15 ーThat's the time Itadori Yuuji tells you three words that destroy the center of your universe.

“Nanami is dead.”

Yuuji can’t look you in the eye when he tells you this, he can't bring himself to look. His fists shake at his side, but he forces himself to stay still awaiting your reaction. You're quietー too quiet. He closes his eyes to brace himself for whatever your reaction will be.

"It's my fault. I'm sorry. I couldn't..."

Will you yell at him?

Will you rightfully bring your hands down to strike him?

Or will you merely sob and have it haunt him for the rest of his days?

Nanami's gone and there's nothing of him to bring back for you.

"You've got it from here."

The least Yuuji can do is tell you what happened to the man that would never return home to you. Not even in pieces. There are so many bodies that can't be identified. So many people who will never go home to their families. Families that will never see their loved ones again.

He can't tell all of themー but Yuuji can at least tell you.

There's movement in front of him and Yuuji welcomes however your emotions have chosen to manifest. Yet when he feels your arms wrap around him, his eyes jolt wide open. "He saved you, didn't he?" Your voice is soft, melancholic. Sadness clings to your tone but he can't mistake the blithe and relief mixed in it.

"He saved you, didn't he?"

"I-" Yuuji's cracked lips feel even drier. "But I-"

"Don't ever apologize to me for living," it's the angriest you've sound since he stepped foot in your house and even then it's a delicate anger. "Kento saved you because he believed in you, I believe in you too. There's nothing for me to forgive."

The warm tones of the apartment you once shared with one of the greatest individuals Yuuji's ever known is beginning to blur. "I don't know what I'm fighting for anymore. I can't ever protect anyone that I want to save. Nanami should be here-"

At those words, you hug him even tighter. "I know that man better than anyone," you tell him firmly with that knowing tone all adults possess. "Kento didn't regret anything and I know he would do it all over again. I'm happy and blessed that I was able to fall in love with someone with such a big heart. So trust me when I tell you that Kento adored you and he would happy you're alive. I'm happy your alive. It's the job of us adults to worry about you troublemakers. So please, don't blame yourself. Kento would want you to hear that."

When the tears spill and the sobs rack his body, Yuuji feels resentment more than grief. All the while you hugged him tightly, rubbing circles into his back. You who should be crying right now if anything. You who should be angry at him.

He wants you to be angry at him.

"Why can't you just be mad at me?" Yuuji whimpers into the crook of your neck.

You kiss the side of his head despite how undoubtedly gross it must be from the sweat and blood and dirt its collected over the night. "Because I love you, you silly boy. Me and Kento."

That's what breaks him the most.

“Are you sure you don't want to spend the night?" Your expression is one of concern as you both stand at the door. "I can whip up something while you're in the bath. I'm sure I can find something of Kento's that you can fit."

Yuuji's grin is weak but he shakes his head, "it's okay. I've got a ride back to the school. They're probably sick of waiting for me."

With a smile and a final exchange of farewells, you close the door with a sigh. Yuuji is a strong kid, you know that much. Still that doesn’t stop you from worrying about him. I hope he takes everything I said to heart. Even just a little, bit by bit, until the boy is able to believe your words fully. You know the man you love, Kento wouldn’t have regretted anything.

I should have tried a little harder to convince him to stay for at least a shower and dinner. That driver could have waited a few more minutes. Or I could have invited them in to eat as well. You press your forehead against the door, welcoming the coolness on your skin. You’ll check on Yuuji tomorrow you think as silence truly settles over your apartment.

It's in that silence that you finally notice the shaking of your hands. No they've been shaking the entire time. You're thankful Yuuji was too distraught to notice.

He's gone, that's all that had been racing through your mind when those three words left Yuuji's lips.

I can’t let this poor boy see me cry.

It wouldn't have been fair to him. He blamed himself enough, you could see the self-hatred all over his face.

Don't cry.

It’s simultaneously a relief you can’t hear Yuuji’s footsteps anymore as much as it fills you with further dread.

Kento isn’t coming home.

Your chest heaves dryly as quiet gasps slip from your lips and your knees buckle.

He's gone.

He'sgonehe'sgonehe'sgonehe'sgoneー

Your throat clenches as a sob finally escapes your throat.

"Kento..."

#look she's writing #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #timestamp #jjk spoilers #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #allie and i talked about it and here i am now

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starlost97 · 3 months

Text

— melt.

summary: After seeing how heartbroken the families of the people who work for the department get when they die, you decided to not get involved with anyone. You didn't expect, however, to have that ice wall melted away by someone — Jay Halstead — in your own unit. And when Jay got hurt in one of the cases, you couldn't help but be mad at him, and it didn't take long for him to figure out the why.

keywords: fluff, personal favorite, kind of grumpy x sunshine trope, Jay Halstead is a smug bastard, gn!reader.

characters: Jay Halstead.

warnings: mention of near-death experience, swearing.

a/n: wrote this after episode 7 of the Percy Jackson series (hence the Asphodels mention) at 2AM. I was actually going to request that but I ended up wanting to write it myself! hope u like it :)

word count: 1,248.

requested?: no.

Grumpy, reserved, quiet. All words used to describe you. And they weren't really that mistaken.

There was a thick ice wall between you and the rest of the world. A wall that didn't allow you to build any deeper relationship with anyone. One that burned people with its overwhelming coldness.

A wall that you build it yourself a little over a month after entering the Chicago's Intelligence Unit. Specifically after you watched how destroyed a family felt after losing a relative who worked for the department.

You felt selfish for even thinking of getting emotionally involved with someone. What if something happened to you? To them? You would never forgive yourself. You'd be rooted in the Asphodels Meadows — trapped with your own regret for all eternity — if anything ever happened because of you.

Everything was going well with it. You weren't that happy, but you were happier than you would be if you carried all the guilt of putting a loved one in danger.

But you never could prepare yourself to the warmth of Jay Halstead.

How cheeky of you to fall in love with a sweet smile. But it was true. You felt pathetically helpless any time he laughed at your jokes and showed you his teeth.

It was bittersweet. His laugh sounded like heaven and it made your life a living hell. How could you not be selfish? How could you think of being a good person when he was so close to you?

You tried to rationalized it. Tried to think that he wasn't that good. That perfect. That it was just your love-starved brain romanticizing him to tempt you.

Which lead you to the mistake of getting to know him.

Everything got worse.

The attempt of hating his flaws turned out to realizing that his loyalty was too much for his own good. He would mindlessly die for you, without a second thought or regret. How intoxicating.

He was like a honey-flavored poison. The sweetest way to lose yourself forever.

And unfortunately, you tasted him. Not only that, but it was never enough. You couldn't get enough of him. He became everything.

So when he almost died during one of the cases because he risked himself a little too much to get information, you were mad.

"Will you tell me why you're not talking to me?" He asked you, leaning over your desk and tilting his head, letting out a sigh. "Come on, I could've died and you won't even talk to me?"

"It's exactly because of that." You murmured, annoyed, not looking at him.

"What? I didn't hear you." Jay said, getting closer.

"It's because of that!" You said, now louder. You two were alone in the office. You were finishing up some papers while Jay — who couldn't for the life of him be separated from you for more than a couple hours — made you company.

"You're not talking to me because I risked myself?" Jay asked, confused, watching as you got up from the chair and went to the break room.

"I'm not talking to you because you're irresponsible!" You answered, finally looking at him in the eyes. Your bodies facing one another.

"I did it for the case! We needed the info!" Jay argued and you groaned, massaging your temples.

"Oh, my God, you really don't understand, do you?" You brushed your hands against your face, trying to calm yourself down.

"No, I don't. You do things like that all the time, and usually is worse. But when I do it, I'm irresponsible?" He asked, frowning.

He looked at you, trying to understand what was wrong. You weren't like this. You didn't fight with people unless their actions harm the case. So what was happening?

It was when the realization hit.

You were worried.

"Detective," He called, flashing you that damned smile that you so desired to kiss. "are you mad because I could've died?"

"Wha- What? No!" You mumbled, taking a step back as he approached you.

"Oh, yeah?" He mumbles, smiling smugly at you. "Are you sure of that?" He asks, getting closer and closer.

"Y-Yes, I am! If you died, it would've been a loss for the team and all the time and money that they invested on you would go to waste and-" You gulped, feeling the cold wall against your back and watching as he trapped you, putting his arms on each side of your face. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you looking at me like that?" You said, nervously pushing his chest, but not really wanting him to leave.

"Like what?"

"Like that! Staring at my lips! Stop it!"

"Or what?" He asked, smugly.

Your breath got stuck in your throat, and as the seconds went by, he got closer. His forehead was soon touching yours, and his smile only grew bigger.

"Looks just like a dream I had." He said, putting his hand on your chin. "It ended very well. "

You didn't answer right away, trying to process your thoughts. You wanted to give a good answer, something that would make him go away — even though you didn't really want that —, but a wave of curiosity hit you with the revelation that he dreamt of you.

"How so?" Your voice was almost inaudible.

"I got to do more than just kiss you." He whispered, as if telling a secret. "But I think that just being able to kiss you would already make me the luckiest man on earth."

Your gaze fell to his lips, and just the thought of kissing them got you nervous. Your heartbeat rapidly beating against your chest, and for a moment he thought that he could feel it too.

But it was actually his own.

"Please," He asked. It could be mistaken for a beg, but the smug look on his face said otherwise. "detective."

"I thought…" You were breathless. Your nervousness didn't let you speak properly, but still, for some reason, you knew exactly what to say.

"Say it."

"I thought you were a man of action," You breathed out. "detective."

He smiled.

His hands — painfully — slowly went to the nape of your neck, holding it as he pressed his lips against yours, devouring it slowly, torturing you with it.

The kiss was the epitome of breathtaking. His lips moved slow and tenderly against yours, savouring you like it was his last meal.

He could live the rest of his life devoting himself to kissing you. How could it taste so sweet?

Jay wasn't much of a religious man, and he was even farther of believing in Greek gods. But as he felt your body against his and your sweet kiss on his lips, he was sure that you must be Aphrodite's work.

Masterpiece, actually.

His hands traveled around your body, feeling your curves, trying to memorize it so he didn't feel so sad when they weren't against his fingertips — even though that he knew it would be his life's biggest torment.

And he got a taste of it when he had to part himself from your lips.

"What were you saying, baby?" He asked, with a smug smile on his face.

"Fuck you, Jay Halstead." You said before kissing him again, feeling his smile melt against your mouth as your fingers intertwined his hair.

"You wish." He mumbled against your lips, lifting you up by your thighs and wrapping them around his waist.

Jay warmth was definitely more than enough to melt the ice wall away.

#chicago pd #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead #jay halstead x you #jay halstead x y/n #jay halstead x gn!reader #fluff #jay halstead fluff

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mayasaurusss · 2 months

Text

Having a situationship with Shauna in the wilderness headcanons:

A/n: Guys and gays, a few things. I wrote this in like fifteen minutes, and also I've never wrote either headcanons or explicit sexual content, so consider me an amateur for this. I only did till the doomcoming episode cause I haven't finished watching the first season. Tell me if you'd like a longer version of this with a full on smut scene. I feel so embarrassed of myself.

You and Shauna don't start off as friends. You were just another girl on the team that she did not pay attention to.

When the plane crashes, all of you start to rely on each other more and more and as time passes, Shauna starts to warm up to you.

When you find the lake and take a swim, you and Shauna both decide to pounce on Van.

Later, you and her talk together on the rocky shore of the lake and discover your mutual love for literature. Shauna secretly hopes to make Jackie jealous but wouldn't dare to say that to you.

The first night at the cabin, you and her talk together well after midnight, whispering in eachothers ears and giggling. This makes Jackie roll her eyes and clinging in her sheets in annoyance.

During senace, Shauna clings close to you terrified, when Lottie starts to workship unknown gods, much to Jackie's dismay.

After the Lottie incident Taissa decides to sleep in the attic to prove it's not haunted, Shauna follows close behind her. As you too were making your way to the attic to keep them company, you hear Shauna and Taissa talk, talk of a 'baby'. You can't quite make up what they're saying but are smart enough to understand. You leave them alone and go back down stairs.

Shauna watches you when you chop the wood for the fire: all those weeks in the wilderness and the physical effort you had to endure (usually doomed to the heavier task) had made you stronger. After Jackie so graciously spilled Shauna's secret out, she doesn't do as much as work as she did before: during the afternoon she sits outside talking in the light and pure air of the forest. Sometimes she writes in her journals (so secretly, she wouldn't want you to read her most secret fantasies) reads the few books she brough with her or, most of the time, spies you chopping off the wood.

Something about how you move your body makes her shift, she thinks she looks like one of those horny ladies in old movies watching their husbands or the new mechanic work.

You feel her eyes on you, but when you watch her she's caught up in something else.

Food begins to be scarce, no one eats much but whenever you have a bit of food you instantly give it to Shauna, making her worry for your health but she accepts it anyway, she's really hungry after all.

When the team is sure to die, Jackie has another idea, to host a doomcoming.

All the girls wear their nicest clothes, adorning their heads with flower crowns. You get into one of your best dresses, leaving your arms exposes and unknowingly sparking a heat in Shauna's body.

She watches you drink the alcohol Mari made, how you talk to others and can't help but want you all for herself.

Shauna feels her eyes shifting painfully, her vision goes blurry and she branches herself on a stump. She's hungry now. She doesn't know why, she just wants something to eat. She looks at you.

At one point, everything starts to blurry together and you fell asleep. You woke up at the cabin, someone had brought you back. You're tied on a chair and your teammates are around you.

You feel everyone starting to touch you, but when Mari tires to kiss you, Shauna feels her blood boiling. She roughly shoves her friend away and sits on your lap, her mouth on yours kissing you sloppily and grinding on your thigh while everyone looked.

The others watch, their eyes fixated on the both of you, some try to get behind you and touch you from there but Shauna clings to you so tightly no one can get close to your skin.

You feel embarrassed, you feel hot and bothered but to Shauna, this is a way to make you hers, letting everyone watch her make your mouth and your body hers is her way to make you two bond and claim you as hers and only hers.

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #shauna shipman x reader #jackieshauna #yellowjackets x you #yellowjackets headcanons

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levanterhaze · 1 year

Text

✧ BLUE FLAME WITH JUNGKOOK ✧

→ jungkook x reader

→ word count: 2.6k

→ your noisy neighbor has been disturbing your nights, so you decide to take satisfaction. however, there is a fine line between satisfaction and pleasure.

→ warnings: masturbation, penetration, protected sex, lot of swearing, dirty talk and sloppy sex if you're not +18 please do NOT read. (i decided to write this after watching those 2 episodes of the sex life of college girls)

It was 10:54 PM.

It was the exact moment where it all began. First, there were the grunts and soft moans, then came the screams and the relentless clatter of the headboard banging the wall. And you were fed up with it.

Every night your neighbor would get some girl and end up disturbing your night's sleep. And it was derailed how the screams progressed further and further, being able to wake up the entire building. You wondered how they managed to be so loud. It was nasty.

But today was your day off. You were curled up on your comforter in your comfiest pajamas, watching a 90s rom-com and eating an extra greasy pizza when your sex maniac neighbor started the bedlam.

And every time you tried to be friendly, not caring too much about other people's sex lives, it was impossible to hear any line from the movie with that girl screaming her lungs out on the other side of the wall.

Yes, yes, Jungkook!

Oh my god, Jungkook!

At some point, you were starting to think that this guy must be a sex god so that all girls act the same way, always, all of them. Or they just faked it every time, which to be honest, was a bit suspicious.

The headboard slamming on the wall was so loud that you had to move your bed to stop yours from swaying too. Damn thin wall. The screams continued and it seemed that the girl was coming to an exquisite and long orgasm.

You walked up to the wall and threw two punches as if they’d hear over all those moans. “Can you be fucking quiet? Jesus."

Realizing you weren't going to be able to finish your precious movie, you just decided you'd better grab a coat and change and go for a long walk until the whole thing is over.

The next morning you heard giggles coming from the hallway and guessed the neighbor's girl was leaving. It was nearly seven in the morning, the time for you to go to the gym before work. Lucky that your condo has a private gym that residents could access for free.

No one was using it at the time, so you took the opportunity to do your routine exercises. Until a slender figure, dressed all in black and tattoos, appeared in your peripheral. You knew it was him, your neighbor. You happened to see him coming into his apartment the other day.

But dammit, he was really…attractive?

He gave a gentle good morning grin, revealing his lip piercing.

Jesus Christ.

You did the same, out of politeness. However, it was the ideal time to go up to him and finally tell him that he was bothering all your nights with that insane sex screaming that came from his house. You schemed how you would say it, as it's not a very nice subject and you had no other way of saying it than directly.

Jungkook was choosing some music on his phone when you slowly approached.

"Hey. You're Jungkook, right? I'm your neighbor."

"Hey. I know."

Does he know? All right, whatever.

“Look, I don't know how to say this properly, so I'll just say it. You are very noisy. Look, I understand that you love sex and you do it constantly but the wall is really, really thin. So I would really appreciate it if you could… You know…?”

You had no idea how your face felt, but you could feel the burning in your cheeks and the extreme sweat on your hands. You hate being put in uncomfortable situations where you have to step out of your comfort zone and deal with unpleasant things.

But that was a problem that needed to be settled.

Jungkook's lips draw a thin line as he bit back a smile, you can tell.

“Oh, okay. Can you lend me your phone?”

You blink a few times, wondering if you've misunderstood.

"Sorry?"

"Your number. That way you can let me know if I'm too loud."

He can't be serious.

You realize then that he is indeed being sincere when he reaches out for your phone. And you just hand him the device, being slightly distracted by the dozen drawings painted over his arm muscles.

“Thanks, I guess.” You hold the phone back and try to ignore his glare and that slutty smile that spreads across his lips when you drift away.

Almost two weeks passed and, incredible as it may seem, your neighbor seemed to have come to reality, because the insane noises had ceased for good. And you were even a little surprised, for a person who did that every day, going almost fifteen days without having sex, it seemed like a grand slam.

It was late at night and you were exhausted after working an eight-hour shift. Your friend had called to share some news about a date she had gone on extremely badly.

Until your nightmare started again.

"What the fuck? Are you watching porn while talking to me?” Your friend's voice was grossed out.

“It's my stupid neighbor. I swear to god, he’s a sex maniac. This is not normal."

"At least he is hot?" Your friend asks and you think too quickly about those muscles pressed by the black shirt. Thick, well-defined thighs in the shorts he'd been wearing to the gym. The broad shoulders… “Never mind. What will you do?"

“I'm going to stop him or call the police or something. I'll be right back, I'll call you later."

"Good luck."

"Thanks. I'll need it."

This time you were determined to make a fuss if possible. You could hear his groans from behind the wall and it was insane. You just wanted to close your eyes and go to sleep, without having to think about your extremely hot neighbor having sex right next to you.

You put on a robe and left the house. There were two loud knocks on the door and a long wait for Jungkook to answer the door. And honestly, you wish you hadn't. Because he looked like a Greek god with his long hair falling into his eyes, his shirt a little open, and his sweatpants hanging awkwardly on narrow hips.

Right. Focus. You're here for a reason.

“Good night, neighbor.” He beams sweetly, exposing the piercing, and you almost gulp strongly because he's too good-looking to be true.

“You’re doing it again.”

"Doing what?" He frowns, pretending to be baffled.

"You know very well." You point the finger at him. “I just want you to tell your friend to be quieter.I just want to sleep.”

“So I disturbed your sleep?”

"Yeah."

"Yeah?" He tongues his cheeks. “And what are you going to do about it?”

You didn't want to admit it, but an absurd heat rose in your body, spreading mainly between your legs.

“I could call the cops.” You cross your arms, trying to dismiss the flaming feeling in your body.

“Sounds like a plan.” He smiles and then looks over his shoulder. “Or you could come in.”

"In your house? With someone in there? Why on earth would I do that?”

Jungkook scowls, this time really looking stumped.

“There’s no one here.”

Oh.

He seems to be amused by his accomplishment. “I should go back and…”

“I have good wine. You look tense. And I owe you an apology.”

OK. Wine sounds good. And you really were tense and it was because of him. And he really owed you an apology. You analyzed the situation for a few seconds before deciding that it was okay. If he really wanted to apologize, you could at least listen to him, that wouldn't hurt.

The interior of Jungkook's apartment was very clean and tidy. He appeared a few seconds later with two glasses of wine and indicated the sofa so you could both sit down. Inside, you were feeling a little bad because he was alone and the sounds you heard… That was a little too intimate.

"Then. Wine. Now the apologies.”

He drinks down his wine and then looks at you curiously.

“You missed something.” Jungkook stares at you earnestly. “You’re still tense.”

You gulp down the wine quickly, trying to disguise how sweaty you were by the way his eyes stared at you. "I’m fine. Thanks for the wine. I really need to go.” You get up quickly, but Jungkook follows you to the door.

“Or you could stay.”

He leaves the glass on the table and approaches slowly. You try to focus on his face and not that sinewy body walking towards you.

"And why would I do that?" Your voice comes out as a tired whisper.

Jungkook moves even closer and you shudder as you feel his warm breath blow over your skin. “Because you’re also disturbing my sleep.”

Fuck.

Your breathing is so shallow it's embarrassing. Your heart beats a mile a minute in your chest and you know he's noticed how much you're giving in to his charm, like magnetism. And the wine seems to loosen you up, untying all the tangles that bound your body, taking the tension out of every muscle at once.

And you feel so vulnerable. Your body is craving for his touch because your mind wanders on outrageous thoughts of Jungkook thinking about you while… It's crazy. You've always been so tired, not enough time to have a good night of casual sex, that maybe you could enjoy it. Just once.

You throw your sanity to hell and grab Jungkook's face just to kiss him. His arms envelop you deliciously and the world seems to burn with a burning desire in a blue flame. His lips are greasy and he tastes divine, the wine mixing with his essence so deliciously that you wail into his lips.

He helps you out of your robe and you can see it in the dim light as his pupils dilate at the sight of that stupid skimp nightgown, you're wearing. His hands are agile and large and you gasp as his thumbs graze the sides of your breasts and his body pushes you to the edge of the table. Jungkook slides between your legs, cupping your face and moving his lips down to your chin and then your neck.

“Jungkook…” You roll your eyes as his tongue wriggles across your skin, painfully crawling to your throbbing spot.

“Wanna taste you.” He whispers into your skin. “Wanna feel you so bad, baby. Fuck."

And you don't look out for the fact that your legs are parted so he would do anything to you. You were already sure you were past the shame stage and the alcohol was helping that aspect.

He continues kissing your skin as he squeezes your thigh and lifts the narrow fabric of your nightie to your waist. You hold back a loud sob when he touches you right where you want him. Then, Jungkook groans into your skin. “You're dripping. God."

And that was embarrassing, but what the hell. He shoves the fabric aside and you clasp the cloth of his shirt as his skin makes contact with yours. Jungkook looks at you, your brows are wrinkled and your lips are parted. It's quite a sight. He thrusts his fingers inside you, enjoying how easy it’s to slide inside you.

"Shit." You pull him closer. You spread your legs even wider, feeling your body gain immediate weakness. He touches you so unhurriedly as if he wants to see you suffer and it's nice and painful at the same time. "More."

“Need more?” He reaches until there’s no space left. And as much as he's fascinated by the sight of your pussy taking his fingers so hungrily, it's your face he focuses on. He kisses you clumsily, licks you, and sucks on your lips like he's starved for it. And he was. For you.

Your forehead sticks to his chest, hiding the rest with every eye roll. You drag him tight by his shirt, biting your lip to keep from moaning the loudest you've ever wanted to moan in your life. “Jungkook.” A restrained groan escapes your lips.

"I want to hear from you." He slows down and you look up in disbelief. “Let me hear you.”

“Please…” You plead softly, but he ignores it. Shit. "Harder, please!" Your voice comes out much stronger and he does exactly what you ask.

With his mouth, he trails kisses to your breasts and tugs at the fabric with his teeth until it falls gracefully across your shoulders, exposing your rawest skin. And his tongue devours you. He plays with your breasts, nibbles on your skin, and drives you wild.

You're almost there, your hips undulating quickly to maintain more touch.

You wanted more. You need more.

“Jungkook.” And he seems to understand your darkest desires because he pulls out a condom from God knows where and you're not surprised to see how hard he is, ready to ruin you.

Your feet are on the edge of the table and he's flattening your stomach, making you lie down.

“Shit, you’re so fucking hot.” He caresses his cock with one hand and your clit with the other, in equal rhythms. Your back arches with delectable friction and you think you're going to come right then and there, but he amazes you when he enters you. “So damn good for me.”

"My God!" You cry involuntarily and make your body shake.

His hand is pressing down on your stomach, but he's still touching your sore clit with his thumb, very slowly. He looks for your eyes to see if he can go faster and you don't hesitate to approve immediately.

He moves like a god. Hips crushing your skin, the sound of skin hitting skin. Nimble fingers traveling over your breasts. Your leg going up on his shoulders. Jungkook's long hair is damp and falling over his forehead. The tattooed arm presses you deliciously. It all felt like a lucid dream.

His whines are melodic and it makes you even more turned on knowing that he’s worshiping every moment of it just as you are. He hammers his hips harder, teeth clamping down on his lip until the skin’s whitened. There's a small crease in his forehead and you feel he's as close as you are.

You move your hips against him as much as possible, feeling that intense fire burns every cell, every inch of your body from the inside out.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Jungkook cries, squeezing the edge of the table tightly as he lunges faster and faster, barely able to withstand the clench of your pussy on his cock

“I’m gonna…” You swallow hard, your voice cracking.

"I got you. Cum for me.”

And like magic words, your body convulses underneath Jungkook's body. Orgasm hits you hard, arching your back and melting your brain to jell-o. Jungkook lays down, licking your neck and then smooching your lips, making you devour erotic mutters in a hot, slippery kiss. He groans huskily and pleasurably in your ear and you pull his hair once more, just to end the kiss.

You're both sweaty and out of breath. He's still up and inside you. He is everywhere. The hickeys on your skin, the marks on your body, and the electrifying orgasm he just gave you.

“So…” Jungkook lifts his head, brushing the hair past your face. "Wine. You’re no longer tense. Do I still owe you an apology?”

You stare into those doe eyes and a laugh reverberates in your chest.

“I think we're good.”

#jeon jungkook #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagines #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #kpop smut #jeon jungguk #jungkook fic #jungkook x y/n #bts #bts imagines #bts smut #smut reading #jjk smut #jjk x you

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yanderegrizzsworld · 4 months

Note

saw your post about taking digital circus content so may I request for Pomni or Ragatha or even Jax with a reader who's pretty calm when first entering in the digital circus and doesn't seem to mind everything else happening with how they're just like "hey, that's cool" basically they're pretty chill

Imagine: Platonic Yandere Pomni, Ragatha & Jax with a chill reader

TW/CW: Implied stalking & Mentions of Bullying

Pomni:

With Ragatha's reassurance, Pomni reckoned that everyone acted similarly to her upon their arrival to the Digital Circus. This did ease her perturbation, though not by much & far less upon your arrival to their Digital "home".

Are you alright? Complete & utter calmness is the last reaction the jester expects from a newcomer, yet reasons that you're probably seeking to assess your situation &/or keep focus. It's quite smart really, it means you're less likely to abstract in this world, such an easygoing attitude it quite a quick way to get her attached to you.

She'll strive to stick by you as much as possible, though is willing to give you your space if asked to as she wishes not to be regarded as chafing & will at most watch you from a distance. Expect her coming to you a lot whenever she seeks comfort from one of her paranoid episodes of searching for an exit, while Ragatha is very willing to be a nice shoulder to cry on, Pomni truly feels her anxious thoughts leave whenever she's in your presence & will progressively get more antsy the longer she can't find you in the circus.

Ragatha:

She reckons herself as the peacemaker of the group from being one of the oldest to be there, though one would be forgiven (& correct) for thinking that she seems quite close to losing it at any moment. From this, she always strives to ease newcomers to their new digital home, understanding how nerve-wracking it is.

Ragatha is chiefly clueless upon your arrival. Years of seeing new faces initially scared & addled to this world has made the ragdoll has grown accustomed to introducing the new performers, downplaying the existential dread of their circumstance, whether as so they don't abstract or so her own crisis doesn't get to her is up in the air. She takes her steps forward as she usually does to new people, but doesn't know what to properly say seeing as you're not freaking out about the situation.

Seeing her around you a lot is something you'd best get used to, whether it's a short, simple chat on how you're holding up or talking about nothing within the walls of the tent, getting Ragatha to leave is quite the task. She refuses to leave you alone with Jax, as in her eyes & years of being around him, he might chip away at your sanity, small at first but grows worse over time until it's too late, claiming she's somehow surprised someone hasn't abstracted because of him.

Jax:

Nobody's sure if Jax's frequent bullying is merely an aspect of who he is or his way of coping with living in the circus, it's doesn't matter either way, he won't give a luculent answer. Jax isn't one to comfort a new face, opting to hectoring them until Ragatha stops him towards causing the other's disquietude.

Your breezy attitude doesn't deter him from his usual antics, including said frolics being thrown at you. Your lack of reaction to the prank both throws off the lavender rabbit & bemuses him, just what goes through that head of yours? His motive shift from wanting a reaction from you to seeking to see what makes you tick, what you experienced to make you have the viewpoint that you do, that makes you merely laugh at your situation rather than panic.

Jax sees fit to insert himself into conversations without a need to explain himself & brushes off any questions thrown at him, every attempt to interrogate him tends to end with Jax dragging you off with him, maybe to not start an argument with Ragatha or Zooble or perhaps he got bored of the conversation, who knows what goes on in his head. Any thought of suspect for his behavior towards you is out his head a second later, you don't seem to mind so his mind discerns no issue with his comportment & is what Jax uses as an excuse, true reason for his frequent presence around you.

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mikareo · 6 months

Text

⌗ they're just drawings? ₊ ˖ ་. nanami kento x fem reader (0.6k)

genre . . boyfriend!nanami, fluffy bickering, about attack on titan but doesn't explicitly say so, swearing summary . . nanami doesn't understand your obsession with 2D men; especially 2D men who look better than him. note . . this piece is personal.

"ohmygod i don't know if i can handle this."

you're pacing back and forth on your living room carpet. the tv is on with the pause sign glowing in the bottom left corner as the last episode of your favorite series ever has just released worldwide. it's been over ten years since the first episode aired and you're an avid manga reader— that being said, going into tonight whilst knowing the absolute devastation you're about to endure has you wanting to cry.

"it's just a show, c'mon let's start." ugh, he's always like this.

"it's not 'just a show', though." you grumble, crossing your arms and sending your oh-so-lovely boyfriend a glare. "you don't get it kento."

"this is serious shit."

nanami's giving you that familiar look he always has written across his face whenever you try to get him to understand your shows. it's not a look laced with judgement, but one that genuinely doesn't understand what the hell you're going on about. he tries his best to share your interests— he's quite literally watched every single episode of every single show you're interested in— however, that doesn't change the fact that it just really isn't his thing.

"you remember two last year when that manga chapter came out?" jogging his memory isn't usually this difficult, it's just that you give him a word-for-word summary of every manga you read.

"the one you cried over?" he looks confused, but he's slowly getting to the same point as you. "with the zombies?"

"okay, they're not zombies; but, yes, that one."

with his head nodding, you can see he's not quite getting your explanation. this is impossible. "kento, remember you had to come over because i was crying too much? it was the really bad night. my favorite character was killed off remember?"

his brown eyes widen with realization and he begins to nod an affirmative yes. "you were so upset i thought you were breaking up with me."

"exactly!" you exclaim so loudly that his head snaps towards you in shock. whoops, maybe you're a little too pumped about this. "this show ending is almost more upsetting than breaking up with you!"

that definitely wasn't the right thing to say to him.

nanami's brows are furrowed, contemplating the weight of what you just said and you can't blame him. you did just compare losing him to the death of a fictional character; which is clearly crazy, but what else can he expect dating you? he's the one who's head over heels for your obsessive nature— with romance and fiction— and you have no reason to feel bad for simply loving something so much that it consumes your very being. after all, you love him even more than that.

"you'd cry more if you broke up with me, though. right?" he's searching for an answer that he already knows the answer to.

your arms around his neck and you press a soft kiss to his lips. "my world would end without you." a smile graces your lips and you know that that expression is his favorite sight in the world. he's told you so many times before that if he could name an eighth great wonder, it would be you. "if i were an author, i'd never kill you off. you're too handsome."

a light laugh escapes nanami's lips and he showers your cheeks in kisses. "you're ridiculous." he says, shaking his head in disbelief and amusement; yet he still gently grabs you by the waist and carries you to the couch.

resting his arm over your shoulders and pressing the play button, he gifts you with a firm kiss on the forehead. "let's watch, baby."

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⊹₊｡ reblogs are greatly appreciated! ˚₊⊹

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elaina-writes-things · 3 months

Text

I haven't seen a single episode of Hazbin Hotel yet. Prime's fuckin' expensive lmfao

Anyway, my TikTok FYP has been flooded with songs from the show, and fortunately I got a look at Big Daddy Lucifer himself, so...I think it's pretty clear I wanna take that for a ride.

I may make a part two. I may not. All I know is that I needed to write about him or it'd consume me.

~~~

Goddamn. Literally.

Look, you hadn't been a saint when you were alive, but you definitely hadn't anticipated eternal punishment in Hell. You hadn't killed anybody, or stolen anything, or been a huge hedonist. As far as you were concerned, you'd lived an extremely average life, the only remarkable part being that huge semi truck flattening you after the driver fell asleep behind the wheel. To you, the fact that you were condemned was bullshit, which is why you'd found yourself doing everything in your power to make it through this clearly-hastily-thrown-together rehab program at the Hazbin Hotel.

Now, though, standing in the lobby and watching a delicious little king strut around, you realized you wanted — needed — to fuck that guy more than you needed to get to Heaven.

"Charlie said her mom's pretty much out of the picture, right?" You whispered to Vaggie.

"Uh, yeah?" She whispered back, glancing at you briefly with her one good eye, then back to watching her girlfriend give Lucifer a tour of the hotel. "Why?"

"Just asking," you mumbled, enthralled. He was singing, now, with a voice like the gorgeous fallen angel he was. You wanted to know how musical his moans sounded, and what other sorts of things that mouth could do.

A glass of water suddenly appeared in front of you, held in a pink-gloved hand. You looked at Angel Dust, who smirked back and winked.

"Drink it up you thirsty bitch."

"Shut up," you hissed, taking the glass and pointedly setting it on the counter. His smirk only grew.

"Don't gotta be supes tall to ride that ride," the spider continued.

"Oh my god."

"Nah, He ain't watchin'. I could, though, if that's your thing."

You wanted to bury your head in your hands but refrained. If you did that, you wouldn't be able to stare at all six of Lucifer's wings. Those things were huge. How often did he preen them? Were they sensitive? Were they an erogenous zoNE OH SHIT CHARLIE AND HER DAD WERE COMING THIS WAY.

Like the others crowded together on the edge of the lobby, you straightened up and plastered a polite smile on your face. Down the line, your names were called out, and the king of Hell shook every corresponding hand. Then, he was face to face with you, and it shouldn't have been as adorable to need to tilt your head down just slightly to meet his eyes as it was.

"And this is another one of our guests! They volunteered to stay! Voluntarily!" Charlie boasted, giving her dad your name. Your hand fit nicely in his — warm, he was exceptionally warm. You didn't realize how cold Hell was until just this moment — and noticed how terribly it was trembling.

Lucifer repeated your name as Charlie gave it, staring almost as intently at you as you were to him. You'd give almost anything to hear him say it again.

Fuck, he had such pretty eyes.

"Thanks! I get that a lot!" He grinned. You'd said that out loud like an idiot. In your periphery, you could see Angel trying his best not to burst out laughing. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

"That's good," you murmured without thinking, eyes flitting up and down, "your body deserves to be praised."

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

The hand clasping yours tensed up, squeezing briefly, painfully. You both stared at each other with wide eyes, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife.

Then Lucifer quickly withdrew, turning away as though you weren't there and had never existed to begin with.

You ignored the curious look Charlie gave you, the wheezing coming from Angel, the annoyed understanding from Vaggie, and everything else as you excused yourself to go up to your room. Your face was beet red and your stomach was tight with shame. You wanted to disappear under the bed sheets, never to be seen again. Had you really just told the king of Hell you had a thing for praising people? At the very least, he probably thought you were a total whor—

Squeak!

You lifted your head up from where it was buried under all your pillows, coming face to face with a little, rubber ducky. It was cute, sporting two, rosy cheeks and a white top hat.

Gently lifting it, your fingers brushed against a scrap of paper taped to the underside.

"If you meant what you said, I'm free tonight."

A phone number was scrawled on the back. Your heart was thumping wildly in your chest as you read and reread the note, unable to fight the stupid grin on your face.

"Holy shit," you blurted, "I'm gonna fuck Lucifer."

#lucifer morningstar #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer x reader #YEAH I WANNA FUCK THE SHORT KING. HIS WIFE IS APPARENTLY MIA SO NOW'S MY CHANCE.

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kairiscorner · 7 months

Text

currently watching our beloved summer (still on ep 1) and that one scene in the first episode has inspired me to make a miggy ver of this (the only thing i got from that ep was the funni car scene, everything else is just my deluluing)

ceo!miguel o'hara x secretary!gn!reader

the rapid clacking of your shoes' heels across the cement parking lot ground was reverberating throughout the air and filled your ears, distracting you from the echoing voices of your critical boss nitpicking at your plans for an upcoming event the company was going to hold in a few weeks. it angered you that your boss wasn't even going to do anything remotely related to this event, he wad just the one paying for it–and yet, the way he spoke to you about how 'overly ambitious' and 'a huge waste of money' your bolder ideas were and how 'dull and lackluster' your more simple ideas were made you confused and irritated. just what did this cranky man want? and why was it always your problem and your fault if nothing could satisfy him?

"that... geezer, what an asshole..." you muttered under your breath as you scanned your surroundings in the vast, empty parking lot. you searched for your car, clicking the buttons on your car key's face; listening for your car's beeping noises in hopes of finding the damn thing. you walked around for a bit and finally found your car; though when you tried opening it, the door wouldn't budge. you cussed under your breath and kicked the door of the car, hoping it'd open, but nothing. you kept clicking the buttons on your keys to unlock the door, but it just wouldn't open—that was, until a bigger hand wrapped itself around your own tinier ones and opened the door for you after a beep was heard from the car.

you turned around and was speechless, your boss was here—and he opened the car door, which meant... fuck.

your boss raised an eyebrow up at you and looked down at your petrified figure. "why're you trying to open my car door for me?" he asked you in a low voice as your eyes widened, your mouth running faster than your mind, and you stuttering out cut up responses that neither miguel nor you could understand. your hands shivered as your knees shook, moving away from miguel as you wondered where your car was. you clicked your key's buttons again, and you heard a faint beep in the distance, right across you two was your car, which look exactly like miguel's; it was a company-issued car, miguel got it for you without thinking much about the design, all that mattered was that you had a car to drive, but he never thought you'd be this clumsy to forget where you parked or what your license plate was.

you chuckled awkwardly and apologized to miguel about the mix-up, fidgeting with the handle of your bag as you did, making you seem a lot more agitated than you thought you'd be. miguel sighed and adjusted his glasses up on his sculpted face, looking at you with such sternness and coldness to his gaze. "just a reminder, you're not a child in school anymore; you're an adult, my secretary, might i add," he reprimanded you with such a heavy tone that made you want to really sob now—though all thoughts of sobbing were out the window as he got closer and closer to you, his breath feeling hot on your face as he stared down at you with knitted eyebrows. "i hired you because you seemed capable enough to do your job right; so don't go mixing up what's yours with what's your boss', i'm not here to deal with your clumsiness." he scolded you, your breath hitching in your throat as he looked down at you.

you gulped and nodded, feeling your face get all hot from how close he was to you. miguel pulled away and climbed into his car, closing the door and starting the car up, prompting you to leave an enter your car—but before you could even go, miguel rolled his car's window down and called out to you. you turned around and gave him your full attention, and you noticed... his face seemed a little... what was it? was he... shy? he sighed and told you he'd get one of drivers to take your car home safely for you. "but, sir, i—" "i would like to hear more about your proposals for the company event. i apologize for my... rudeness earlier, you were merely doing your job and that much i can respect."

were you dreaming right now?

the most fearsome company head you've ever dealt with is... apologizing to you? you were stammering and telling miguel that it was okay, he didn't need to apologize, he was the one paying for it and whose name would be on the line for the success or failure of this event, but miguel saw that as no excuse to have acted that way to you. he got out of his car and walked over to you, offering his hand out to you while looking away from you in embarrassment. "...i was gonna do the coffee run for today, but i didn't... wanna do it for everyone in the office, i... i want to talk more about the project with you." he told you in a hushed voice, his voice faltering and quieting the longer he spoke. he may be mean at times, and a bit too blunt and harsh, but at the end of the day, you're all miguel has to rely upon to keep himself grounded. "you do so much for me, let me, um... make it up to you; i'll drive you to get some coffee. you, um, you can decline, however, i—" you took his hand, making him stop mid-sentence. "i'll... take you up on that offer, mr. o'hara. thank you." you thanked him with a beaming smile, a genuine one, one that showed that you didn't feel as frustrated or annoyed with him as before, but rather more delighted that he was being considerate of you, which was rare for him to show so openly.

miguel looked at you with a softened look of surprise on his face, which quickly became crinkled up as he furrowed his eyebrows and looked away from you; hiding his face in his other hand. he never took his hand away from you at that moment, however, he merely grumbled his 'you're welcome' to you and led you to the front passenger seat of his car. he hadn't taken anybody out to eat or drink or catch up in a long while by himself, so of course, he was anxious, but you always had this aura about you that pretty much made some of his overthinking and anxiety melt away. this is why he loved liked you as his secretary—you could always do such an amazing job at work, and were always so good at calming him down; but he'd never tell you that was the reason why he was taking you out to this cafe, and, no... it isn't a 'date'.

...is it?

tags !! @miguelswifey04 @hearts4gabri @hisachuu @wreakingmarveloushavok @fictarian @yuridopted0 @simsrandomstuff @luvstarrstruck @popeheywardssecretgf @meeom @arachnoia @melovetitties @fable-library @ophanimgold @smokeywhalee @capnshtfce

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fromashesweriseuphiddenones · 20 days

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Continuing the post from earlier, inspired by @sulfies

"Father? How?"

The hurt, disbelief and sadness in that question broke Edward's heart to hear. His son has only been ten years old when he died, so for him to be alive would cause confusion. Though Edward also realized, it wasn't really Haytham, no more a ghost of the man his son had become existing in the mind of his decenant. Yet, yet so far this tactic to play along was working so he coming closer to Desmond spoke in a soft, almost tearful tone said

"Yes Haytham it is me. But, I don't know how I am alive again. If I knew I would tell yah lad."

Desmond flung himself into a uncontrollable hug, in which he was sobbing and shaking violently. He was feeling the pain, fear and sadness along with relief and hope from Haytham. Yet he wasn't himself just yet.

"Father. I am so sorry. I have done horrible things. Things you'd be ashamed of."

"Shhh son. I understand. Really I do."

Desmond, while still bleeding Haytham pulled back confusion written on his face. Edward sighed before giving a coy smile and said

"You ain't they only Kenway to have been a Templar lad. I am not proud of that part of my life but if I continue to ignore it, well I am being just as bad if not worse than a full on bleeding heart for the cause son."

He paused to look at Desmond, the lad's eyes still unfocused, so he was still held by Haytham's memories and guilt. He gave him a more sincere smile this time and said

"Haytham you are my son, and I can never hate you. Am I disappointed, sure. But not mad. I have made bad choices too lad. But I still love you and still accept you."

With those words Edward watched as Desmond's eyes slowly focused on him and then he shook his head a moment before bringing a hand to his temple groaning and saying, with a lingering English accent,

"Shit I am so sorry about that Captain. I-I those episodes had passed. I guess my mind is still broken."

"It's alright lad. Your in good company. No judgement here. If anything, I got some good out of the episode myself."

Desmond cocked his head much like Altaïr ibn-La'Ahad would when he was intrigued or curious, Edward had a smile play on his lips

"I was able to speak to my son through you."

"That- That's rare. I don't bleed Haytham often. If anything it's Either definitely Ezio or Connor, maybe Altaïr."

Edward nodded recognizing two big names of the brotherhood. He frowned though not recognizing the name Connor.

#assassin's creed #writing #desmond miles #hearlds of valdemar #edward kenway #haytham kenway

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five-thousand-loaves-of-bread · 2 years

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if you ever watched house the medical drama TV show, know that dr house mean and rude to everyone and very insensitive.

season 3 episode 4 about a severely autistic nonverbal boy with behavioral issues and no way to functionally communicate

of course have bad aspects. filmed in 2006. have bad ABA elements and bad PECS and drills and doctors not knowing how to handle nonverbal autistic boy w behavioral issues. definitely not down playing that. (and some other bad things in the subplot not related to the boy)

but dr house out of all people. is one that actually figured out how to communicate with him.

in this post i talk about how house’s interaction w the boy demonstrates how to connect with nonverbal nonspeaking autistics (despite the “he won’t understand”), presuming competence, the nuance of autism parents, and functional communication. i use the show to go beyond the plot and talk about wider (level 1 speaking) autism community issues.

so even if you not interested in the TV show House. still hope you can read.

“nobody knew how to speak ‘autistic.’ “

procedure need anesthesia mask thingie. and kid screaming and no one can put mask on him and make him stay, everyone trying to hold him down. house came in made insensitive remarks as always, but modeled to kid what to do. house put the anesthesia mask on him and breathed for bit for kid to see until he stopped screaming, then put it on kid, then put on himself, then on kid who successfully went under anesthesia.

which was so important. meant so much to me. because kid so unfamiliar don’t know what people are doing to him, probably no one explain, may or may not understand what happening. everyone so impatient and don’t know how to get on his level, and so many people restrain him so of course want fight back. but house was only one who considered what the kid needs what he is feeling. house mirrored it showed him what will happen what to do to kid in a way he will understand. he was even gentle. he smiled a little.

yes house used rude monkey metaphor to explain reasoning. but does that to every patient nonverbal autistic or not. so really, for house he didn’t treat the patient any differently.

afterwards. house even critiques dr cameron’s construction of “normal” in a somewhat intersectional, race conscious way. and don’t pity the child at all. resisting the idea of institutionalization.

See, skinny, socially-privileged white people get to draw this neat little circle. Everyone inside the circle is normal. Everyone outside the circle should be beaten, broken and reset, so they can be brought into the circle. Failing that, they should be institutionalized, or worse, pitied.

So, it's wrong to feel sorry for this little boy? Why would you feel sorry for someone who gets to opt out of the inane courteous formalities, which are utterly meaningless, insincere, and therefore, degrading? This kid doesn't have to pretend to be interested in your back pain, or your excretions, or your grandma's itchy place. Can you imagine how liberating it would be to live a life free of all the mind-numbing social niceties? I don't pity this kid.

I envy him.

when the medical team was suspecting that parents slip kid alcohol to calm him down (which turned out to not true), house breaks down why martyr parents becomes martyr parents:

How would you know that? The kid can't talk. Why do you think I took this case? He's not going to give away the ending. They quit their jobs for him. Yes, they are everything you'd want in a parent. Unfortunately, their kid is nothing you'd want. When a baby is born, it's perfect. Little fingers, little toes, plump, perfect, pink, and brimming with unbridled potential. Then it's downhill. Some hills steeper than others. Parents get off on their kids' accomplishments. ...They'll annoy you with trophy rooms and report cards. Hell, they'll even show you a purple cow and tell what a keen eye for color their kid has. But this kid, he doesn't smile, he doesn't hug them, he doesn't laugh. His parents get nothing but the right to brag that their kid picked orange juice out of a lineup. So you figure they slip the kid a mickey so they don't have to deal.

i think show parents in dynamic way too. lots of ableism, for sure. the bad coercive compliance drill kind of ABA tactics, for example.

but fully shows how hard it is to raise a “severely” nonverbal autistic kid with behavioral issues and no functional communication. as much as autistic community like to deny it, it is hard. it is a lot of work. and recognizing and acknowledging that it is a lot of work whether because of inherent autism as a disorder or because lack of societal support, acknowledging this fact alone doesn’t make a parent a martyr parent, an autism parent. i think this is where the (level 1 speaking late diagnosed) autistic community get wrong.

the parents are desperate. they do bad things. they don’t mean to do harm to the kid, they think they’re doing what’s right for their kid. but they still do bad things. and they care for the kid, they celebrate the kid’s achievements, yes sometimes misguided but they want to do good. there is nuance to this. the parents aren’t vile. they aren’t evil evil ableist want to force their kid to be neurotypical against all odds regardless of well-being. most autism parents are more nuanced like this. the level 1 speaking autism community need to listen, too.

and the show ended with. as the family is leaving, the autistic boy voluntarily goes towards dr house. and hands him his video game console (like a switch but not a switch idk), something that is a part of his routine that he melts down when interrupted when grabbed, that he probably very attached to. he gave it to house. and looked at house for a long time.

yes, the eye contact part can be seen as the show over valuing eye contact. but. the bigger impact is the fact that. the show showed the boy connected with house. whether it is thanking him, feel safe with him, we don’t know because the boy have no functional communication. but the boy formed connection with house, and expressed the connection in his own nonverbal way. no “thank you,” no hugs, no conventional way, but the boy’s communication in his own unique nonverbal autistic way. looking at his parents’ reactions, this is incredibly rare, probably even first time, and the parents are crying.

and house was able to diagnose the kid because he actually listened to all forms of communication. he didn’t dismiss the kid’s repeated drawings as meaningless. he didn’t dismiss the PECS image the kid picked in response to his question as meaningless and incompetent even though it was not the image/answer he was initially suspecting. and both things were crucial to the correct diagnosis. if house didn’t listen to them, the kid would have died. house listened to all forms of communication. he assumed competence. he assumed the kid was trying to communicate something, he didn’t chalk the kid’s behaviors as meaningless. despite the “he won’t understand you” “it would work” etc throughout the episode.

but. also want to say. these forms of communication, albeit need to be listened to, is still not functional communication. and functional communication is important and should strive towards for a reason.

another thing the (level 1 speaking) autistic community get wrong is saying nonverbal nonspeaking autistics can communicate same way/as effectively as speaking autistics. that only person to blame is evil evil ableist people not listening to their behaviors. if only they listen!

but more nuanced than that. many many ways to decipher the kid’s repeated drawing, for example. house got it right. he assumed that drawing has connection to the kid’s medical symptoms, and that it is a worm parasite. there can be million other interpretation even if you take kid seriously. i thought it was a ocean wave, for example. thought the kid like waves like beaches like ocean.

if the kid had functional communication—and by functional communication, i don’t mean speech, altho that can be a form of it, i include robust AAC—he could have communicated. in words (spoken/typed/written). what he was experiencing. what he was seeing in his eyes, the swiggly worms he was seeing. and the diagnosis would have arrived sinner. been put through less danger. and if house wasn’t there and another another was there and the doctor didn’t pay attention to the kid and dismissed the kid, the kid would have died because he didn’t have functional communication to tell people what he was experiencing.

it’s not as easy as “just listen!!” and chalking everyone who don’t exactly understand the nonspeaker as ableist.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #nonspeaking #nonverbal #loaf screm

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emotionallychargedtowel · 4 months

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Since you're familiar with tokusatsu actors and their journeys into BL, what kinds of careers historically have tokusatsu actors had as they start to get more credits and mature?

Thank you for the ask! This is a great question. It’s something I’ve been curious about for a while, as you know.

I never get tired of this gif of Seto Toshiki (a Kamen Rider alum with two BLs under his belt) eating cake. (It's from Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, which he starred in with Iijima Hiroki of Our Dining Table fame.)

Oh, I should probably say at the outset that I'm talking about the suit transformation type of tokusatsu shows here. Technically the category is broader and also includes kaiju movies, but I'm focusing here on the kind of tokusatsu series in which human characters (or human-like ones) transform into masked heroes. I think that's what you had in mind, Ben, and it's the type of tokusatsu that tends to overlap with the BL world.

Another thing you'll notice is that I'm mostly going to talk about men here. Tokusatsu has been making some progress as a genre when it comes to gender equity, but it still has a long way to go. And since most of the progress that has happened, like the increase in female Riders, has been in the last few years, the actors who played those characters haven't had much of a subsequent career yet.

Now, to your question.

Unfortunately, I haven’t figured out a way to really look at this systematically. So, definitely take my conclusions with a grain of salt. (If anyone reading this knows more about this or has thoughts about how to get more/better info, I'd love to hear them.) The main source of information I have--aside from just soaking stuff up from watching tokusatsu shows and reading toku fans' tumblrs, of course--is looking at toku actors’ entries on MDL and seeing how many roles they’ve gotten, if they’re “guest,” “support,” or “main” roles, and trying to find out about the type of shows and movies they’re in.

One of the biggest weaknesses to this approach as an American viewer is that it's usually hard for me to tell what constitutes a popular or prestigious series or film even if I go to the listings for specific shows/films. I should also note that one thing that biases my “data” (to use the term loosely) is the fact that I’m more likely to look up this information about actors I like. Well, occasionally I’ll also look at info on some sample of actors out of curiosity, like a bunch of lead Ultraman actors’ subsequent careers or something like that. But it's usually more random.

A little background. As you're aware, tokusatsu roles often go to younger actors who don't have much previous experience. They tend to function both as a way of getting a foothold in the industry (building a resume, starting a fanbase, etc.) and as a way of learning on the job. Part of the reason they work so well in this regard is that they have long seasons. Ultraman seasons are typically around 25 episodes long, which is pretty long compared to many shows in Japan, but Kamen Rider and Super Sentai seasons are usually around 50 episodes long. This means two things: a toku part gets you a lot more of the aforementioned work experience than you'd get in other genres, and it provides a solid year of consistent work with additional work to follow (particularly hard to come by in Japan's entertainment industry, from what I understand). The additional work is substantial, too. There are typically post-series TV movies and touring live shows and there are often guest spots on other series in your franchise.

When it comes to landing other roles, as in other types of media, it makes a big difference what type of role you had. This is stating the obvious, I know, but there are some specific ways this works with tokusatsu series, and it relates to who ends up in BLs and in what capacity. So, all of the big three tokusatsu franchises are pretty ensemble-based but they still have distinct leads and some degree of a hierarchy of roles. Ultraman has the strongest leads, Kamen Rider has lead/title Riders and secondary (and often tertiary) Riders, and Super Sentai shows are especially ensemble-y (the word sentai basically means "squad," after all) but they always have some kind of group leader.

When I look up subsequent work by tokusatsu actors who had sizable roles in their toku series--lead roles, or other parts that are what MDL would call "main" roles--what I see most often is a lot of supporting and guest roles in a variety of TV shows and some films. You can usually find a smattering of lead roles as well, but if you look closely they may turn out to be smaller productions (but not always). When it comes to the number/frequency of credits, there's a lot of variation but an average case would be 2-3 such credits per year. Like I mentioned above, it's hard for me to tell how desirable/prestigious/well-paying those guest and supporting roles are. But they don't usually seem to be scraping the bottom of the barrel or anything. So, yeah. Lots of these actors have different paths, but this is what I see most frequently.

Given how challenging it is to make a career out of acting in Japan, this is nothing to sneeze at. Despite its relative influence, the Japanese entertainment industry is still comparatively small, and there are only so many opportunities. In that context, regularly getting guest and supporting gigs constitutes a pretty uncommon level of success.

Could these folks support themselves on this amount of work? I often see just a few credits per year, so maybe not. But when I like a one of these actors enough to follow them on socials, it usually seems like they are supplementing those parts with other stuff like stage plays, toku fan appearances, modeling gigs, or other types of performance including music. Even with these different sources of income, some probably still can't live on their entertainment industry pay alone. But it appears that some can.

So that's the most common thing. One less common outcome is leaning really hard into being a tokusatsu actor for life. It's not typical to get significant roles in multiple toku shows, but it does happen. And some actors manage to play the same character in a lot of post-series movies, miniseries, etc. stretching out for years after their actual series. For example, Tsuruno Takeshi, who played Ultraman Dyna's human host Shin Asuka, has been in ten different Ultraman things including his main series, a short series, a lot of TV movies, and a special. Dyna aired in 1997, and his last appearance as Asuka was fairly recent, in 2016. That's almost a 20-year span. Yet Tsuruno has never had a non-Ultraman main character part. (Though this is partly because he seems to have focused more on his music career and related variety show type things post-Dyna.) There are even some actors who are tokusatsu superfans whose whole career plan is centered on the genre from the get-go.

For those who are looking to branch out, there are a lot of trajectories. So I'll try to talk about some of them through a few examples.

Takeda Kouhei

You probably knew I was going to bring him up. On Kamen Rider Kiva, Takeda's character was important but not the lead (he played the main character's father in the 1980s, in a timeline that ran parallel to the present day one). That was in 2008, when he was 22. Nine years later, in 2017, he was in Kamen Rider Build, in which he was the "tertiary" Rider. This character was a potato farmer-turned-antihero. As tertiary Riders go, he was pretty popular. But Takeda seemed to be mostly hovering at a certain level at that point. Then Old Fashion Cupcake happened. It's significant that he went from playing supporting characters (albeit important ones) to a lead character in OFC. It's also helpful that OFC came out at a point when the prestige of BLs was on the rise. It seems like Takeda has had more consistent and larger parts since then. The difference isn't night and day or anything, but it's observable.

If you look at Takeda's Build costars, Inukai Atsuhiro and Akaso Eiji, here’s what you'll find. Akaso has a similar trajectory to Takeda's only somewhat steeper. His role on Build (the secondary Rider) was a bit bigger, he seemed to get slightly bigger roles overall after Build, and Cherry Magic gave him a significant boost from there. Inukai had a bigger upswing early on followed by slower growth that still had him outstripping both Akaso and Takeda. From what I can tell, his “data” more closely resembles that of Yamada Yuki, who I’ll talk about in a second, though they have different niches.

Suda Masaki

Suda Masaki was only 16 when he played the main rider in Kamen Rider W in 2009, which is unusually young. (W has a unique premise where two different people inhabit the same Rider, so Suda played a lead rider but so did his costar Kiriyama Renn.) From what I can tell, he seems to have had a pretty organic path to larger and larger roles while varying genres and styles quite a bit. At this point he's definitely a very respected actor. (One interesting bit of trivia: Hagiwara Riku has said Suda is his biggest acting role model.) He's won two Japan Academy Film Prizes and been nominated three more times. I don't know of a more successful ex-tokusatsu lead. Actually, I looked him up for this post to fill in some details and found out for the first time that he also has a pretty successful career as a jpop musician. It's almost annoying that he's that talented in yet another area.

I don't see any indication that Suda has ever played a queer character, though he has definitely done some pretty bromantic stuff. He did kiss a man once in a drama series, but it was for plot reasons and was 100% played for laughs in a gross way. He also played a gender nonconforming character in the 2014 live action version of Princess Jellyfish. (Another bit of trivia: when another live action adaptation of Princess Jellyfish was released in 2018, the same character was played by another former lead Rider, Seto Koji from Kiva.) I wouldn't put it past Suda to play a queer character, if it was for a highbrow movie or something analogous to what Nishijima Hidetoshi has done in What Did You Eat Yesterday?, but I'm also not holding my breath.

Yamada Yuki

A less extreme case. Yamada was on Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger. He was the blue member of the team, a soldier-turned-pirate. It may have helped Yamada along later on that Gokaiger is an especially popular Sentai series. Post-Gokaiger, Yamada didn't have any sort of big breakout role that I can find. It just seems like fairly soon after Gokaiger, he started having significant roles in TV dramas and has pretty much continued from there, with some upward momentum but no huge changes. When he was in a drama with Akaso Eiji recently, his part was first billed and a smidge bigger. Yamada's trend line seemed to have a biggish upward swing early and then just a slight slope from there. But I just saw him in something different: he plays the younger member of the minesweeper crew in Godzilla Minus One. I wonder if that will mark any sort of shift for him.

Yamada hasn't played any queer characters as far as I can tell. His Sentai role was shippy as hell, though. It's a tradition among Sentai shows that subtext-level queer ships happen between the red and blue team members, and that's exactly what happened in Gokaiger. Sometimes the subtext pretty much became text. If magazine images from that time are any indication, their relationship seems to have been a promotional angle for the show. There's even one where they seem to be in some kind of high school AU that looks like it's straight out of a BL.

what about women?

I tried looking up a few women I know from tokusatsu roles while I was looking up these and other dudes. Some of them were still in the business, at least. Some were getting the same trickle of guest and supporting parts a lot of men do after a tokusatsu show. A few had a slightly bigger trickle. But many of them seemed to have disappeared from the public eye entirely. Not only are women underrepresented in tokusatsu, and not only are their roles often relatively small and two-dimensional, but it doesn't seem like they get even a slight career boost after these roles.

It's possible this will change for some of the actors who got bigger, more interesting toku roles in recent years. Here's hoping!

The changing relationship between tokusatsu and BL

The relationship between tokusatsu and BL has been changing as BL gains more prestige, like I alluded to when I talked about Takeda Kouhei. There was a time when they seemed to be pretty analogous in terms of how hard it was to get a role and how effective they were as rungs on a career ladder. If you went from being a tokusatsu side character to a BL lead (like Takeda), that was a step up, but only because you were shifting from a supporting spot to a lead one. Tokusatsu leads usually didn't usually do BL or, when they did, only played straight supporting roles. I think it was seen as a lateral move. But now, BL is becoming a very established next step after tokusatsu. It's like BL has moved up in status so that the consensus is that it's above tokusatsu on the ladder, but just by a little bit. It's also kind of an organic transition since we're seeing more queer ships in tokusatsu that, while they mostly happen on a subtext level, are close to being canon (and in some cases, arguably already are). It occurred to me while I was writing this that there's also another type of role that is in a similar zone of accessibility and prestige to both tokusatsu and BL. It's a franchise, not a genre, but with so many movies and such huge casts it almost functions like a genre for the purpose of this discussion. I'm talking about the High&Low movies. If you're a fan of tokusatsu or BL, you'll see actors you know in every High&Low movie and if you're a fan of both, you'll see tons.

Case in point: Here's our ol’ pal Yamada Yuki. He's in quite a few High&Low installments. If only he’d do a BL and complete the trifecta! The only person I know of offhand who’s done a tokusatsu show, a BL, and a High&Low role is Takeda. I bet there are others, though.

the new (?) prestige tokusatsu

There's another piece to this I should probably point out as well. In recent years there have been some more high-budget, prestigious takes on existing tokusatsu properties. First, Anno Hideaki, who's best known for the Evangelion anime series/films, put out three live action features that are new, well-financed takes on three big tokusatsu properties: Shin Godzilla, Shin Ultraman, and Shin Kamen Rider.

Last year there was also a Kamen Rider series geared toward adults that had higher-than-usual production values called Kamen Rider Black Sun. It did that “you can tell our show is for adults because it's all gritty and grimdark" thing, which I'm not a fan of. But it definitely had its points.

Really distinguished actors starred in both the Shin movies and Black Sun, including Nishijima Hidetoshi, who's about as distinguished as it gets. Nishijima was in both Shin Ultraman (in an important supporting role) and Black Sun (as a co-protagonist--and he's the biggest highlight of the series). So these are examples of toku media that are too prestigious to be a springboard into the industry for most actors.

This seems to be a new phenomenon, though I could be wrong about that. I don’t expect the trend will continue at this pace (after all, so much of it is attributable to Anno alone and I don't think he'll continue down this path indefinitely), but I bet some other shows/movies in this vein will come out sooner or later.

Here’s Nishijima doing a henshin sequence. He does these moves with such commitment. Is there anything he can't do?

before tokusatsu

As I was writing this, it got me thinking about what actors do before their tokusatsu roles as well as after. It's not uncommon for toku roles to be someone's debut, but that's not really the norm. Even when it is, most of those actors were doing something in the realm of performing or modeling beforehand. I don't usually look at this sort of information as much as I do later roles when I'm investigating toku actors I like. So I looked up some people to try to get a sense of where the actors tend to have done before their toku parts.

There's one starting point that a whole bunch of tokusatsu leads share: winning the Junon Super Boy Contest. When I first saw references to it, I thought, OK, this is some kind of national talent contest. I guess there are probably lots of them. But when I looked for others, I didn't see anything come up. Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places or using the right search terms. But I think maybe this contest might be pretty unique in Japan.

It's run by a magazine called Junon and, well, if I describe how it works it's going to sound really familiar to you and anyone else who's seen Utsukushii Kare, because it's pretty much exactly the contest Kiyoi participates in. Like, if it's not what Nagira Yuu was thinking of when she wrote that part of the UK novel, I'll eat my shoe.

A ton of tokusatsu leads won, placed in, or made it to the finals of that contest. The Tokupedia fan wiki even has its own page dedicated to the contest with links to various winners' toku characters. The majority of Junon Super Boy contestants who ended up in a toku series went to Kamen Rider, but there are some Sentai dudes as well and at least one Ultraman lead.

So I guess if Kiyoi had won that contest, he probably would have ended up on Kamen Rider or something. Weird.

Inukai Atsuhiro and Iijima Hiroki both won that contest. Those are the only two Junon Boys (that's what people call the contest winners) who became tokusatsu actors and were on a BL that I know of right off the top of my head. But it seems likely that there are other toku-and-BL or just BL actors who won, placed, or made it to the finals of this contest.

Other dudes who ended up on tokusatsu shows started out in other ways. Some were simply signed to agencies as actors. There's a fair number of them who were in idol groups. (Though when an idol/ex-idol is looking for a gig as a transition into acting, BLs seem to be a more popular choice.) Some mostly did modeling prior to their toku series. Some already had quite a few acting credits, though usually not very big ones. Although he's a Junon Super Boy winner, Inukai had eight other acting credits before Kamen Rider. Takeda had the same number, and he started young--his first credit is for a TV show that came out when he was 10 (though it took another six years to get a second).

I also looked up some women who've had prominent roles in tokusatsu shows, including more recent ones. The most frequent things I found when I looked for information on their pre-toku careers were that they had been models or idols (or both). It's also not uncommon for women in toku roles to be former or present gravure models--basically models who pose in bikinis or comparably revealing outfits.

The coolest thing I found was that Imoto Ayaka, who played Igarashi Sakura/Kamen Rider Jeanne, was an award-winning ballet dancer. Which is not only incredibly cool but makes a lot of sense in terms of preparation for a tokusatsu hero role.

I mean, just check out this henshin.

Well, this has gotten ridiculously long. Sorry about that. I may have gotten a little carried away. But thanks again for the question.

And now, I have something to write for @wen-kexing-apologist...

#tokusatsu to BL pipeline #tokusatsu #takeda kouhei #yamada yuki #suda masaki #junon super boy contest #kamen rider #super sentai #kamen rider kiva #kaizoku sentai gokaiger #kamen rider w #nishijima hidetoshi

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anjelicawrites · 3 months

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Cringefail Throuple 💡

On a rainy day with the cringies, Reader and Billy are watching some kind of trashy reality tv, while Michael reads a stuffy intellectual book. He sits on the couch with them, but he scoffs at whatever they choose to watch.

Flash forward to about three hours later, and Michael is screaming blood murder at the tv because how DARE Tiffany wear an outfit that slutty to Rebecca’s classy holiday party!?!?!?!

It takes a good long fucking to calm him down.

Warnings: reference to panic attacks, Billy's car bomb, kissing, prostate massage, orgasm denial, overstimulation, oral (male receiving), anal fingering, anal, p in v sex.

NSFW and 18+ only please!

Billy started watching what Michael calls 'Trash food for your brain' TV right after surviving the bomb car incident. For some months, even though he was seeing a therapist on line, he couldn't stand setting foot outside his parents' home; the fact that their house had been besieged by journalists for weeks hadn't help his mental health but, even if that weren't the case, he couldn't stand the outside world without falling prey of panic attacks. To stop the awful thoughts in his head, and to pass the time, he had started watching all brain killing daytime TV; he didn't truly follow the storylines, he just needed the constant white noise in the background. Now that he's doing so much better, and has you and Michael by his side, it's simply a way to unwind from the stress of stepping up at the pub. Secretly he is following a couple of storylines and he's keeping mum about it, he knows Michael will never let him hear the end of it!

You have started because of a couple of friends who wanted the option of someone smart on the crazy, oftentimes, toxic situations the authors create for the participants. You and your friends still have the WhatsApp group created for this occasion even though commenting in real time is not something you can do anymore. You maintain the habit whenever you are crashing at Billy's and want some down time to completely shut down your brain.

Usually Michael is not with you and Billy when this happens, he bitches and moans too much on how this trash is bad for both your brains and you two should do something different to unwind, like reading. Billy isn't much of a reader himself and you need to stop your brain from overworking, sometimes, and a book is of no help, staring blankly at the screen works for you.

It's a rainy weekend that has forced you three to change your plans and stay at home, moping a bit because you and Michael will have your exams soon and will be drowning in work for weeks and wished to be out and about, before the library swallows you two whole. You've curled next to Billy who is playing on his phone while some inane trash reality plays in the background, Michael is sitting on the only armchair with a thick tome about some mathematical problem you'd rather ignore and is groaning whenever the people on the screen are raising their voices too much for his own tastes. You've elected to ignore him and just let yourself be lulled into a semi conscious state by the rain pelting the windows and the stupid conversations on screen.

You jump awake when Michael shouts, finger pointing at the TV. For a moment you don't truly understand what he's saying, then your ears pick up his indignant tone: apparently one of the housewives of God knows where has arrived at this fancy birthday party dressed like a hooker. You stare owlishly at Billy, hoping he would help you understand what's happening on the screen; he can only shrug his shoulders.

"He's getting into it." Billy tells you. "He's been huffing like a boiling pot since the episode started." "Why?" The situation is so surreal you think you are still sleeping and having a weird ass dream. "Someone tried to do a sum and failed. He picked that up and was hooked ever since." "54 plus 67" comes from the armchair. "What?" You're too sleepy for math at the moment. "The simple sum. Look at that!" Michael snaps, finger pointed to the TV in the corner.

Billy snickers as you try to focus on the images on the screen. OK, the housewives rarely venture into classy territory: what's having Micheal's panties in a bunch?

"Those boots with that dress? You're never shagging her husband!"

Still feeling like you've walked into an alternate reality, you stare at Michael, who is sitting on the armchair, back hunched forward, his hands like claws around the worn fabric of the armchair. You recognize the behavior: he acted like this when Oliver decided to tag along with Felix's crowd, way before Billy became part of your lives. You had to go through countless rants against vapid cunts and bootlickers and there was only one thing that helped kicking him out of this mood.

You nudge Billy who is having too much fun just looking at Michael getting more incensed with each passing minute and stand up, throwing your sweater and shirt on the floor, before straddling Michael's legs.

"Now, I think you've had too much trash telly for today, what do you say?"

Michael is hyperfocusing so much that he doesn't notice your naked breasts, it takes Billy's hand in his hair to force his line of sight away from the screen to your naked skin.

"If you're not interested we can start without you, genius boy." Billy says.

You take the glasses off Michael's nose and put them on the floor.

"You're not going to need those for a while, love."

Before Michael can start complaining, Billy's lips slant over his, tongue ruthlessly fucking Michael's slack mouth; soon moans escape when your start playing with his nipples, the cold of your fingers against his inflamed skin sends shockwaves through his body, his mind absolutely focused on you and Billy and the raging erection in his trousers.

Still kissing, Billy has Michael standing up as you undo his trousers and guide him to the couch, where Billy bends Michael over, with his hands on the backrest and his legs spread for easy reaching. You kneel on the floor, one hand around Michael's erection, jacking him slowly with a loose fist, aiming at torturing him while Billy's finds the lube stashed under the cushions.

"Shit!" Michael's hips jut forward in the pathetic attempt to take control. "Go faster!" "Are you going to beg?" "Ah! No!" He moans, tears pooling in his eyes. "Then I should have some more fun."

Michael's complaints die on his tongue when your lips slowly envelope his weeping head, all of his movements controlled by Billy's hand on his hip, who is now in forcing Michael to sit still as you slowly blow him, your fingers tight around his base to make sure he's not coming before you and Billy allow him to.

Over you, the sticky sounds of your lovers kissing resume, accompanied by the squelching of the lube poured over Michael's hole, followed by Billy's long fingers fucking hard and fast against his prostate. Michael wails and moans with every passing of your lips up and down his length, your mouth tight enough to tease but not to make him come, Billy's fingers bullying his prostate make his knee wobble and the know in his belly tighten almost to the point of pain. He needs, needs to come, empty his bollocks all over your face, if only you'd lose your fingers around his base!

"Not so fast, genius boy. I think you need to stop thinking before you get to come".

Billy drawls against Michael's ear, before his teeth find the meat of his shoulder and bite down savagely, the pain forcing Michael over the abyss with a pained wail.

Michael's body shudders when the fingers in his arse don't stop fucking against his prostate and his balls are still full and heavy. Your tongue licks the thin fluid bubbling from his cock head, before you resume slowly blowing him, now swallowing around his cock until you're flush against him and his vision turns black.

Again and again pleasure ravages through him, until his bollocks hurt and he can't stand up anymore, not that this stops you and Billy from torturing him while you two help him on his back, by letting his heavy cock slap against his contracted abs.

Michael trembles and tries to breath when you two stop touching him just to stare at his body covered in sweat and your saliva. He's beautiful and debauched with his legs spread and cock hard, a thin line of spit sleeping from his parted lips. He moans when you take his erection in your hands again and roll the condom on, before your cunt envelops him slowly: you can't risk him coming just now.

You can feel Michael's full body shudders when Billy's cock breaches him, Michael's hole already fucked so thoroughly, that Billy bottoms out easily, before he starts grinding against his prostate, slow and thorough, just following the leisure rhythm of your hips and Michael's high pitched wails.

"Look at us." You order.

Michael's tears stained eyes fixate on your body as Billy's hands cup your breasts and play with your nipples, his lips finding yours in a passionate kiss that have both you and Michael moan. If it weren't for your weight and Billy's, Michael's hip would have already bucked wildly under you when your muscles clench, strangling his cock, which has his arse curl tightly around Billy's engorged erection; Billy can't help it but fuck Michael with harder and faster pushes and Michael is babbling, desperate to come, every cell of his being ready to explode.

"Don't you dare!" You pant. "Not yet!"

Michael's fingers grab your arse, helping you grind tighter against him, your muscles curling around him to the point of pain, Billy's hands grasp his hips to anchor himself to push inside of him like the desperate man that he is, almost mad with the pleasure Michael's tight arse is giving him.

Michael's back arches when he comes, his nails grab at your skin with a savagery that leaves marks behind, the pain kick starting your orgasm, your cunt a vise around Michael who whines and screams, his arse so tight that Billy comes with a shout, before falling over you, effectively trapping Michael under your combined weights.

The bloody sofa is too small to house you three, not that any of you cares, breathless as you all are, your brains still coming down from the incredible high you have experienced.

You nuzzle Michael's neck, your tongue licking the sweat there.

"She's already shagged her friend's husband. You'd know that if you'd followed the whole season."

The vibrations of Billy's laughter travel down your back and Michael huffs under you: if he gets to be fucked like this every time you three watch trash TV together he's happy to watch every single episode!

Cringefail throuple taglist: @fan-goddess @solisarium

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