ą±Øą§ā Ėļ½”ā midnight love
ā ź° . . geto suguru x gn reader ź± . . . word count; 0.7k
ā¹ ā ā heartbreak is a cycle. over, and over, and over again.
contains; geto suguru x gn reader, angst, geto dumped you and you can't get over it, mentions abandonment and attachment issues, lots of reader insecurities, womp womp
author's note; hey ! XD
"you really can't be calling me at this hour anymore." suguru's voice is faint. he's likely just woken up from a deep slumber, probably dreaming of something far more interesting and attractive than you are, but that isn't a dream that you'd like to picture. he did this to you.
sometimes, he needs to see what your nightmares look like.
"i'm sorry, it's just that i've been thinking about everything again." clearing your throat, you can't help but notice that your voice can't stop shaking. get a grip of yourself. you're embarrassing. "i feel like we made a mistake. it's not crazy to try things again; we know what went wrong so let's just fix it this time. right? we can be even better this time around."
you know the hopefulness slipping from your tongue is something that suguru has grown to hate. he hates the guilt that it makes him feel. he hates the reminders of a time where he was so madly in love with you that he couldn't imagine sleeping through one of your sporadic phone calls in the middle of the night. he hates how it reminds him how hard you sobbed when he said those three little words. not 'i love you'...but 'let's break up'.
he hates that it makes him regret things.
so instead, he forces you to bottle it all up.
"i'm not interested anymore, i've told you that." the sound of your poorly mended heart shattering once more is far too familiar. "seriously, we crashed and burned so let's just leave it at that."
this is the third time he's said these words. the first being an hour after he dumped you over the phone, when you called him back amidst uncontrollable sobs and he didn't seem to care all that much. the second being a month after what would've been your first anniversary together, to which he was careless with your heart as you poured it out to him on his doorstep. now, the third, where it's been a whole three months since your untimely break up and your sleep has been lost to you for yet another night.
...and he still doesn't care.
he doesn't care about you.
he doesn't care at all.
why doesn't he care?
"suguru, please." it's pathetic to beg, but what else can you do? "i love you. i want to be with you and i'm willing to do anything to make it work. c'mon, work with me, here." just say yes. just say yes and maybe you'll smile again.
he takes a deep breath. you can count down the seconds until he exhales.
three.
you envision a scenario where he bolts from his bed, frantically grabs his jacket, and drives straight to your house. his hand hovers over the front door, ready to knock, when you fling it open and then fling yourself into his arms. suguru laughs at your eagerness, gently gripping your face beneath your jaw and kissing you tenderly. god, it's been so long since you felt his kisses. you could cry from the overwhelming happiness in your heart. the overwhelming joy that he never fails to make you feel when he's truly and completely in love with you, too.
two.
you recall one of your favorite dreams, one just a few nights ago, where suguru had never broken up with you in the first place. in fact, he thinks the mere thought is comically funny. he'd never ends things. you're the best thing that's ever happened to him and he never fails to tell you that at every hour of the day. he's the perfect boyfriend. he's the ideal husband. he's the man that you've been wishing for for your entire life...but he really is just that. he's a dream.
one.
"i don't love you anymore."
oh...
oh.
you wish this were a scenario. you wish you were sleeping. you wish he could've said anything other than those awful words, but this is reality. dreams don't reflect reality. dreams aren't real. his love for you isn't real. he doesn't love you. he doesn't want you. he doesn't need you. give up. give up. stop making a fool of yourself.
"but i love you."
pathetic.
you're pathetic.
the sigh he exhales is pitiful.
he's so obviously aware of how clingy you've become in your lonesome life that he's not even surprised by your behavior. he's not surprised by your confession. it's almost as if he expected it. he knows your flaws. he knows your stance on abandonment...on attachment...on absence. he knows you can't possibly function in a world without him...
...and he hangs up.
āāāā ā thank you for reading! reblogs are greatly appreciated!
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ā ą£āø° ā
THE MOON SAYS HELLO. . .
ā ā ā ā ā ā ā ā åŖč”å»»č¹; geto suguru x fem reader
ā ź° . . part one of three ź± . . . word count; 3.6k
ā¹ ā ā despite his insistence on never falling in love, suguru fails to stop himself from becoming smitten with his best friendās beloved. youāve become a flicker of hope in his darknessā though youāre someone who can never and will never be his to have and to hold.
series contains; if gojo didnāt kill geto n geto was given a chance to redeem himself, redemption arc!geto, human caretaker!reader, kind of e2l but also not really, love triangle, gojo x reader, fluff, major angst, heartbreak, wedding at the end, swearing probably, geto refers to humans as monkeys per usual
author's note; rewritten fic, will be 3 parts in total (i'm half done pls be patient w me im a slow writer...)
YEAR ONE, DAY ONE
His face is sore. So sore. Itās red, swollen, and sore after heās spent the last three hours screaming in frustration with his current predicament. This is absurd, Satoru shouldāve just killed him when he had the chance. Getoās lost count of how many times his palms have slapped his own face; over and over again with wishes that he can wake up from this hellish nightmare the higher ups call ārehabilitationāā though he can somewhat still recall the first slap that heād given himself around the half-hour mark. Heās got a pretty good memoryā¦that doesnāt stop him from hoping his veins arenāt too noticeable as they angrily protrude from his forehead in crimson currents.
Heād rather be dead than imprisoned like thisā¦like an animalā¦like one of those damn useless monkeys.
The intensity of his wails continue to bounce off of the barren wallsā barren aside from the dark mark heād punched in earlierā and echo like a party of lost ghouls in the bottom of an empty well. Geto feels like a mad man.
Heās only just begun his isolation and heās already growing mad with boredom.Ā
A huff escapes his lips as he plops himself down onto the twin-sized bed thatās nestled in the corner of his so-called āsuiteā. With linen sheets and a dark maroon comforter, itās almost a cozy living situation; in another life, Geto could imagine himself cuddling beneath the covers with his favorite book and a soft record playing in the background for some ambience. That world is far far away now. Even if he asked for a record player, he doubts the higher ups would grant him one. Heās their most valuable prisoner, and theyāre sure to keep him as miserable as possible until heās one-hundred-percent pure hearted once more. However, despite their reluctance to grant him the things he wants, these arenāt the worst living arrangements heās ever encountered and he knows that Gojo did his best to give him the best commodities he could toā¦wellā¦a highly dangerous criminal.Ā
This is the only path to forgiveness, he reminds himself, constantly trying to be optimistic about the utter absurdity of it all.Ā
Optimism hasnāt been his specialty in a long time; anyone with a working pair of eyes would be able to deduce that, and he despises it. Heās quite rusty with the characteristic and has looked on the darker side for a while nowā but wishes that he could be as reckless as he once was as a teenager. He can vividly remember how loud his laughter was with Gojo and Shoko, laughing as they chased each other throughout the school yard and using each other's cursed energy to their advantage in games of tagā but that would be near impossible now. His two best friends can barely look him in the eyes after the treason heās committed. Gojo views him as a ticking time bomb and Shokoās healed too many people to count that heās harmed.
If he stepped one foot out of this room, he believes heād be smothered on sight.
The Jujutsu Society fears Geto Suguru..
ā¦and Geto Suguru fears himself.Ā
In all fairness, he deserves everything thatās come to him. What he did was awful; mass murdering humansā¦trying to murder even more humansā¦harming innocent studentsā¦starting a war during the holiday seasonā¦the whole gist. There are obviously bad actions from the past that continue to haunt Geto to this day and will continue haunting him so long as he breathesā but thatās all it is nowā¦the past. He wants redemption. He needs redemption. If Gojo managed to reach clarity within Getoās awful decisions, then maybe he can too.Ā
Geto wants to get better, to be betterā¦not only for Gojoā¦but for himself.Ā
This is exactly why he and his best friend has devised a plan, one that will hopefully help lead Geto on a better pathā a five-year path that will only be completed if he truly wants it to, and a half a decade seems like quite a bit of time to most; but for Geto, he doesnāt know if it will be enough.Ā
For Satoruā¦do it for Satoruā¦
He wraps his arms around himself in an attempt to comfort his heart that beats with fear every second of every day. Itās been so long since heās been hugged by another, and he doubts heāll ever feel that love and comfort from someone in his life. Itās the first time in a long time that heās been alone with his thoughts with no one else to turn to; and if heās being honest, thereās nothing in the entire world that scares him more than his own mind.Ā
āGeto Suguru?ā
He doesnāt recognize that voice.
The soft sound comes from seemingly nowhere, startling Geto with a slight jump. Whomever it is sounds frail and weak, obviously intimidated by whom theyāre going to be in the presence of in mere minutes; and Geto already finds nothing but annoyance at his new companion. Of course theyāre going to have prior judgment. He bets you already hate him for the rumors and stories. He doesnāt really have a choice whether or not you come in, though. Gojo insisted on a caretakerā someone to talk to so he doesnāt go insane by himselfā and Geto will do anything to make his best friend happy. So, he stands up and dusts his pants off, making sure to look more presentable, and stalks towards the entryway. His hand meets the knob, yanking it open, and ready to meet the stranger on the other side.Ā
Standing before him is you, a woman around his age. You canāt possibly be older than twenty-six, but perhaps youāre a few years younger. In your hands are various sweets and snacks that Gojo knows Geto loves, balancing on a silver tray that shines more light in the room than heād care for. The reflections dazzle straight into his eyes, blinding him briefly with a scowl on his face. Of course Gojo would know to send you in with his favorites. Heās so predictable. His best friend is less surprising than he thinks, causing Geto to roll his eyes to the top of his head; though he appreciates the kind gesture. Itās far past dinner, though. Gojo mustāve struggled to convince the others to allow him a proper meal.Ā
āDonāt just stand there, monkey.ā Geto commands whilst gesturing to the small dining table in the center of his confined space. āCome inside.ā
The instant you stepped into his presence, it was horribly noticeable that you have no cursed energy. Zero. Not a lick of itā¦and he struggles to hide the disgust with his body language. He canāt help but be annoyed that a monkey such as yourself is going to be in his company for the next five years.Ā
With his distaste for you clear as day, he pulls out a chair for himself and disregards the kind option of pulling out yours prior; expectantly looking towards you with the expectation that youāre going to serve him his meal like a servant.Ā
āWell, monkeyā¦ā he trails off disinterested, āIām waiting.ā
You hustle towards him, quickly and efficiently placing the special grade sorcererās meal on the placemat before him and taking the empty seat opposite. Thereās a small breath youāre holding in, Geto can see it in your throatā itās suffocating you with fear for your life as your fingers lightly tap the dark wood in a nervous fit.Ā
Youāre completely pathetic. As if a monkey would ever have the courage to speak to him. This is ridiculous.
His hands slam against the table with a loud bang. āWhat are you doing?ā he questions, heavily interrogating you as you cower in your seat like a meak mouse. āDoes Satoru expect you to monitor my meals?ā
He really is nothing but a prisoner, isnāt he?
āWhat damage could I possibly do with this slob thatās been served to me by the scum of the earth? Start a food fight in the halls? Overthrow the Jujutsu world with a biscuit?ā (If that is the case, in your defense, the biscuits are quite hard. There must be a new kitchen hand in training who based them.) This is a horrible day.
As Geto impatiently awaits your answer, a deep breath escapes your lipsā perhaps a way to soothe your heartbeat into something less than a record-breaking speedā and you attempt to focus your stress and fear into a fleeting moment of zen. Your large eyes shut for a total of three seconds; one, two, threeā¦before opening again. This time, as his own eyes make contact with yours, theyāre shining with slightly more confidence than before as you swallow hard and settle your gaze on Getoā the look in your eyes evolving from that of anxiety to empathy.Ā
āActually,ā your lips rise into a thin smile, āGojo Satoru didnāt send me here, the higher ups did.ā
Your eyes search Getoās for any signs of discomfort or inner rage that could be boiling beneath the surface of his poker face. It appears that heās grown even stronger at hiding his true emotions towards humans; however, you can see through the veil. Yes, itās thick and difficult to brush past, but thereās a slight opening in the center that you peek insideā and what you can see in his heart is a man who simply wants to finally do whatās right.Ā
āThe higher ups are aware that Gojo Satoru has a soft spot for youā hell, everyone who knows your name is aware that when it comes to you, he has no reason. He has no right of mind. Iām only here to monitor and report your progress in an honest manner. Thatās it. Thatās all. I promise I wonāt intrude on your life more than necessary.āĀ
Shit.
āIām sorry, Geto Suguruā¦but youāre stuck with me.ā
Itās as if his left and right sides are arguing between themselves. His good conscience says that he should give you a chance, perhaps you could be different than the monstrous humans that attempted to kill his beloved Mimiko and Nanako; while his bad conscience tells him to let out one of his cursed spirits to devour you where you stand. Listening to his right side would definitely get him his best case scenarioā¦a chance to see his girls againā¦but the left side would be so much more enjoyable. Oh well. At least the higher ups sent someone somewhat his age and not an ancient and decaying corpse like themselves. Thatās a disgusting thought. Heād rather be hugged by a hundred humans than be forced to befriend a higher up. A shiver runs through Getoās spine as a newfound appreciation for you is birthed within him.
āDo you have a name?ā Geto taunts as he begins to pick at his meal, slightly disgusted with the stale quality of some of the snacks but nevertheless thankful that he at least has something to subside his aching hunger. āOr should I just call you āmonkeyā as I do with the rest of your kind?ā
That sound?
Youāre laughing?
Your giggles are surprisingly pleasant to Getoās ears as they harmonize into a song that he can imagine himself listening to each morning. Why did you find that funny? He was quite literally insulting your entire existence. Geto is dumbfounded by the strange humor you seem to have, considering that he was being entirely serious with his question. Humans are so strange. Heās never really been able to understand how your peoplesā minds work, but perhaps he could begin to learn the basics. Itās not like he has anything better to do, and some entertainment would be nice.Ā
Heāll keep you aroundā¦it wouldnāt hurt and you can be his companion kind of like a pet.
Pets are cuteā¦
ā¦your smile is cute too.
You smile once more, answering his question with a blush on your face. āPlease,ā your cheeks redden, āCall me by my name, Suguru.ā
YEAR ONE, DAY NINETY-FOUR
āYouāre late.ā Geto crosses his arms over his chest, exhaling a large breath of air in a loud and annoyed huff as he attempts to seem seriously angered by his new friendās awful timing.Ā
Itās nearly twenty minutes past the time that you were supposed to be here; emphasis on supposed. Heās been waiting with his eyes staring at the clock, watching it tick and tick as the time passed by with no you knocking on his door. Thatās twenty whole minutes of time in which he was forced to entertain himself rather than listen to your rambles and rants about whatever the latest scandal is in the outside world. You love that pop culture gossip stuff that social media and magazines rave about, and in a weird way, you somewhat remind him of his daughtersā personality-wiseā¦not attraction wiseā¦that would be weird.Ā
Over the past few months, Getoās grown severely accustomed to the daily routine that youāve developed, becoming so fond of you that he strangely pictures your smile and recalls your laughter when you arenāt even here. Friendship is a funny thing. He doesnāt think heās ever had a friend like yourself; yes, Satoru will always be his closest confidantā¦but his relationship with you is different in a way that he canāt quite put his finger on. Heās never considered anyone else the highlight of his every day like he does you. Your company is the kind of presence that he overwhelmingly enjoys; with such a positive and warm nature exuding comfort to Getoās loneliness, and your judgment-free outlook on life rivaling his pessimism in a perfect mixture of negativity and optimism. He wishes heād met you sooner, perhaps when he was a childā and if he had, maybe he wouldnāt have turned out the way he did.Ā
Itās too bad you wouldāve only been an awful human to him back thenā¦he wouldāve called you his infamous nickname without batting an eyeā¦a monkeyā¦
ā¦a mere monkey whom he never ever thought heād develop unwanted feelings for.
For his entire life, Geto always told himself not to fall in love. That love isnāt real. It isnāt obtainable, not when there are people like Satoru in the worldā people that you canāt help but loveā and then people like him; people who you canāt help but hate. With that being said, heās never necessarily been looking forward to any potential love matches in his future.
ā¦no matter who he was involved withā¦
ā¦until he met you.
āSorry about that, Suguru!ā you hustle through the doorway, your appearance a tangled mess with dusty dirt particles littered with gravel.Ā
Thereās a large scratch on your right cheek, not deep or in danger of infection in any way, but noticeable enough that heās able to see it from a distance. Knowing you, itās most likely accidentally self-inflicted in some sort of way; you being notorious for tripping or snagging your skin on the sharp end of a table. How do you always manage to be so uncoordinated? Geto canāt help but let out a short laugh, his eyes scrolling up and down your body and taking in your entire appearance, dirt and all. You even manage to make dirt look good. What the fuck? He hates this.
Your voice carries on as you approach him. āI was running on time, but then I saw this adorable shop downtown and I just had to make a stop.ā The overexaggerated tone you hold is amusing as your hands wave through the air in a physical storytelling of your experience. The skin of your cheeks is flushed red from your sprint through the city, looking beautiful in resemblance to that of a blooming rose.Ā
Geto can feel his own face heating up at the sight of you, choosing to shrug nonchalantly in an attempt to seem as if he doesnāt care at all about your dilemmaā¦
ā¦as if he doesnāt care about every second of your everydayā¦
ā¦as if your overall excitement isnāt the only thing that truly keeps him going nowadays.Ā
āYou tell me these things as if what you do outside of this room matters to me.ā He hopes his words mask his rising blush. (Spoiler alert: They donāt.)
Flawlessly, you brush off Getoās phony disinterest without the slightest acknowledgement. Itās as if the phrase had never even left his lips, with no evidence and proof of insult. This isnāt an uncommon occurrence when the topic of what you do when youāre not with him comes up in conversation, as the prisoner typically tries to ignore his interest in your daily shenanigansā and you canāt deny that it hurts. Most of the time, it feels as if Geto never actually listens to anything you say, and you were able to quickly realize that in the early weeks of your arrangement when the pain began to torment your heart; ripping and shredding it to bits with every eye roll and mocking scoff. You donāt seem to matter in Getoās point of view. He doesnāt careā¦at least thatās what you believe.Ā
In contrast to Geto, youāre an emotional spiritā you crave love.Love is all youāve ever wanted, needed, and desired. In your time with him, youāve developed inklings of feelings as well. However, youāve chosen to let your feelings grow and blossom out of the dirtied patch of grass they were planted inā ignoring the warnings every single person in your life has given you in advance. Despite that, Geto continues to stomp on your budding flowers. He takes a heavy watering can, filled to the brim with hose water, and drowns your garden in the tears that you shed in the privacy of your bedroom. Those tears that are a never ending waterfall due to the fact that you know it isnāt your job to fall in love with your client. Your duty to Jujutsu Society is to help Geto learn to love humans and sorcerers as one in the same and to gain the trust of his community once moreā not to love you.
āOkay, before you judge me, at least give me a chance to explain myself.ā Stumbling towards Geto, you accidentally trip over your own feet in embarrassment, and proceed to hold out a single flower not yet in bloom. āItās freshly cut. I saw a bouquet in the window and it caught my eye, because it reminded me of you; but I knew youād hate a flashy bunch of them so I just bought the one.ā
It reminded you of him?
Taking the gift into his own hands, Geto studies it intensely.Ā The rose is a dark shade of red, crimson, or scarlet depending on your vocabulary. The petals are a brighter color while the plushness near the stem turns dark, more sinister as it approaches the thorns lining the sides. Just by looking at the rose, he can understand why it made you think of him. Itās gorgeous, but practically untouchable figuratively and literally. Thereās only one angle that he can hold the stem at that doesnāt prick his fingers. Ouch. And he just did the very thing he was being so careful of avoiding.
All his life, heās never been the kind of person who longed for gifts or compliments, but when coming from the right personā¦perhaps he is.Ā
Whilst he struggles to come up with a replyā a simple āthank youā or āi appreciate thisāā you mentally applaud yourself as youāve finally found a way to make him speechlessā¦
ā¦but your praise for yourself is short-lived.
He canāt be weak. Not even for you.āI guess itās not terrible.ā Geto throws the flower to the ground and lightly kicks it away with his right foot. As one of the beautiful petals drifts away from the lonely flower, he turns away, not being able to endure the heartbroken look on your face and the offended rose on the floor. Why does he have to be like this? āIām sure that garbage is all a monkey like you can afford anyways.ā Why is he so cruel?
His eyes clench shut as he hears the door begin to close. Youāre so gentle even when upset. He admires that about youā youāre the calm to his ever-raging storm, the sailor to his tsunami, and the lifeboat to his wreckageā youāre the most pure-hearted person he knows, and you donāt deserve this awful anger he holds within him.Ā
Is heā¦crying?
As tears begin to drip down his cheeks, Geto collapses against the wall with his knees buckling beneath him and his weight crumbling down to a pile of patheticness. Heās just a shell of a man undeserving of someone like you. Soft sobs escape his lips and silent cries fill the hollow room, absent of your joy, crying out until he notices the faint outline of the young rose beside him. With the flick of his hand, he snatches the flower off the ground and lifts the thorny plant with careful handsā finally and truly understanding your meaning behind the gift. This is how you see him? Heās dreadful and hurtful to others on the outside, prickling kind people away with his thornsā¦but when encouraged and supported, he has the potential to become something beautiful.
Someone that could one day be compared to the beauty that is of a blooming rose.Ā
With the budding rose in his grasp, Geto sits alone. He realizes that heās only able to become that person with the help of you. Youāre the only person that has even come close to seeing him for who he truly is; aside from Satoru youāre the only person who would think of giving such a gift to the number one enemy of the Jujutsu world. Youāre the only person who heās ever come to feel true and honest romantic love towards.Ā
Geto has to become better. Not only for himself and Satoruā¦but now, for you.
āāāā ā thank you for reading! reblogs are greatly appreciated!
āāāā ā i promise i'll post the next 2 parts soon pls be patient :3
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