#not fully based on work song because i kinda wanna use it for something else
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'cause my baby's sweet as can be, she give me toothaches just from kissin' me — a.h.b.
cw: fem!reader, mentions of food, mentions of diets, kinda suggestive, fluff (literally at this point what else do i write other than sickly sweet, domestic fluff)
for two weeks now he’s been on a diet so strict it’ll put a hollywood starlet to shame.
it’s necessary, he’s aware—he needs to be fit to perform on stage every night for hours, keep up his energy. he needs to entertain. he’s indulged enough in the last few months anyway.
which is why when the smell of chocolate and vanilla wafts out of the kitchen, his head turns. his eyes flutter shut of their own accord, his mouth floods with saliva.
fuck.
it really is a divine smell.
he imagines the silly little animals in cartoons, imagines their anthropomorphic feet lifting off the ground, the noses trailing the translucent vapours, leading them to the source of it. a giant batch of warm, homemade biscuits in this case.
he won’t fall for it though, he knows it’s not for him—it’s for the neighbour’s boy of all people, for his 10th birthday, apparently. still he can’t resist taking a peak.
when he stops at the threshold of their kitchen, he finds exactly what he predicted.
the kitchen is bathed in rainbows, sunlight filtering through all the sunlight stickers on the windows. the music isn’t deafeningly loud, but it’s loud enough that she barely hears him when he walks in. she’s too engrossed to even hear him snickering at her off-key singing.
“hello, you,” he smiles, hugging her from behind. she jumps a little at first but melts the moment his arms wrap around her. “this smells delicious.”
“so have one,” she shrugs. the tiny movement intensifies the sweet smell clinging to her—sugar and vanilla and chocolate. something that matches her so perfectly that he can’t resist sliding her hair aside to place a little kiss on her shoulder.
“you know i can’t, you cruel woman.” another kiss, longer than the last one. “i’ll have one, and one more, and one more, and, well…there might not be any left for the birthday party.”
she sighs deeply, pretending to be engrossed in thought, giggling when his kisses turn more frequent, lips moving from her shoulder to her back, to the nape of her neck.
“on second thought,” he breathes onto her skin, enjoying the way she shivers in response, “i could eat you, you're the sweetest thing in the world.”
“you called me cruel two seconds ago!”
“mmm yes, it is cruel how perfect you are now that you say it.”
“what’s gotten into you, huh?” she laughs, a touch too breathy to be teasing. he could decipher her laughs in his sleep—this one particularly. she’s enjoying it, she just won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing it.
“pretty baby,” he nips at her earlobe, “i like watching you bake. you have this look on your face of utter concentration…tongue poking out and all.”
“do i? didn’t know you had such domestic fantasies about me.”
“oh i have a variety of fantasies about you.”
he knows she’s biting her lip without even looking at her. it’s in vain though—she’s never been able to stifle a smile, not around him. he prides himself on it too much.
“keep a few biscuits for us, will you?”
she turns partially, furrowing her brows. “thought you didn’t want any.”
he takes the opportunity, turns her around by the waist until she’s pressed flush against his chest, trapped between him and the kitchen island. he sees the small smudge of flour on her cheek then, even the smudge of chocolate on the corner of her lip from when she no doubt snuck a piece. or two.
“‘s not for me,” he clicks his tongue, bends till his nose is pressed to her cheek. “‘s so you could eat them, and kiss me after. it’ll make them sweeter that way.”
even with his eyes closed he feels her cheeks flushing, feels the thud of her heart when he kisses the chocolate smudge away, flicking his tongue over her lip in the process—something he simply can’t resist. then he brushes the flour away with his knuckles and tilts her chin up until she has no choice but to look at him.
“stop flirting with me,” she frowns deeply, trying to look all serious and jabs a finger in his chest. “i have a kitchen to clean.” and even that lacks any conviction. she’s enjoying far too much to put up any facade.
“unless—” he’s not even surprised by the perfect puppy eyes at this point “—you wanna clean it for me? you do love me, don’t you?”
and that’s definitely a trap he’s walked right in.
he laughs, rests his forehead on hers for a moment. “go sit down, i’ll take care of this.”
she pumps her fist in the air, not even trying to be the least bit subtle. and just like always, he’s fallen for it (for her really) hook, line and sinker.
#not fully based on work song because i kinda wanna use it for something else#so this one's based on just this one lyric#hozier x reader#andrew hozier byrne#hozier#andrew hozier byrne x reader#work song#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writblr#mdni#minors dni
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Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]
[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]
Chapter Twenty | Ooo I Ooo I Ooo I Ooo I (Part 2 of 2 | His POV)
[First] | [Previous] | [Next]
Song Referenced
• • •
did he give you an exact date?
Unfortunately, no.
At first, I had at least until the end of the year, but…
CPS wants this resolved quicker than he thought.
guessin' you need to finish tourin' the underground first then, right?
Yes.
Would it be possible the day after tomorrow?
Or just… sometime this weekend?
I can go by myself, but…
Asgore won't allow that unless I'm with someone else.
Says I shouldn't be walking so far and so long alone if I haven't recovered yet.
you don't need to go alone, either way.
be it my job or not, I still wanna help out.
so the day after tomorrow's fine with me, bud.
we can discuss those details better when we drive over to tori's school tomorrow.
Are you sure?
And…
Does that 'we' imply you'll be picking us up?
100%
but yeah, i'll drive you guys there.
and pick up paps on the way, too.
it's easier for all four of us.
Mhm.
don't believe me?
Oh, I believe you.
I just don't think that's the only reason why you're picking us up, when I already have the address.
so what's the other one?
Don't get cocky, Serif.
I'm not gonna type that out.
It's a godsend Frisk will be with us, too.
'Cause I sure don't trust being alone with you anymore.
inna bad way?
Nah.
niiice.
pick you guys up tomorrow, then?
Yes.
We'll see you tomorrow.
And thank you in advance.
∆ Sticker | Happy Cartoon Bunny™ waving goodbye ∆
"You've changed, Sans."
He ignores that comment to view (Y/N)'s last two messages again.
While he doesn't know why that particular sticker bothers his mind so much, a few scrolls up to revise his chat history with the human reveal this is the first time they've shown any sort of informality or spontaneity in their typing. (Y/N) came off cold in their texts, though -- based on how they acted outside of a chat app -- that wasn't their intention, but more of an automatic way for them to talk with someone they didn't exactly deem trustworthy enough yet. He grins at that thought and feels his face warm up, something he confirms when touching his cheekbone, cold palm contrasting with that heat.
"You're wasting your time with that human," Drunk Bun says, snapping him out of his daydreaming.
They've sat themselves on the bar stool next to him and slam what looks like their tenth can of cheap, off-brand beer against the counter, crunching it down into more than half its size. He doesn't know how long they've stood there or why he's lost this much awareness of his surroundings. The bar's practically empty and calm now compared to before, though there's loud music blaring from the jukebox, playing an already overplayed song on repeat. There's no excuse for his distracted mind other than having lost himself while texting with the human, so he admits that fault with partial sourness, against accepting he's that smitten with them.
"You're changing for the worse," his company adds, narrowing their eyes at him. "Every time we come here to catch up, you mention something stupid about that (L/N) person, or just text the whole evening away with them. I... I've never seen you worry so much about someone so inconsequential." They scoff and cross their arms tight. "I may understand you caring after Frisk as a way to repay them for rescuing us, but (L/N) is completely useless. They've done absolutely nothing remarkable beyond creating a huge scene at that bus you were both on."
"Being harassed by a rando and faintin' after's them causin' a scene?" Sans asks, quirking an eye socket.
"Oh, screw off, bone boy -- You know what I mean. They've brought you nothing but trouble and needless responsibilities!" The bunny grits their teeth and slams their hand over the table, dragging eyes to their side. "I'm betting you can't go a day without texting them or without you doing something for them."
"You need to-"
Beep-beep.
The phone is snatched from his hands just as quick as that noise rings.
"Give that back."
"No." They keep the phone right above him, taking advantage of his shorter height. "Your fault for not putting a lock on it."
Drunk Bun scoots away and holds the phone tight as they fumble with it. Then, they stop to look at what he assumes is another text message from the human. A grimace shows on their face and they grasp the device tight, enough to make the screen complain and warn them over the pressure they're exerting against it. "Now this is beyond pathetic, Sans," they comment, letting out a loud, burst laugh. "Is this seriously the one you're sacrificing your entire personality for?" They give him his phone back, though not before hesitating when it's time to let go. "That human is-"
"Gimme a sec."
His attention falls on the picture displayed on screen, revealing (Y/N) and Frisk posing in it. The adult wears a suit and tie while the child has Toriel's school uniform on. The former's pose appears forced and awkward while the latter seems to be the reason the picture was taken with how excited they seem about their outfit.
Frisk wanted me to show you this.
It's what we'll be wearing for tomorrow!
There's a three-minute interval between that and the next message.
I know classes still haven't started there, but… They wanted to wear it, so I joined them by trying on something special for, well…
That job offer you told me about.
I don't know if I'll accept or not yet, but…
Thank you for the opportunity, and for believing in me.
∆ Sticker | Happy Cartoon Bunny™ giving a thumbs-up ∆
"You're grossing me out, honestly. What kind of look is that?"
It takes him a while to react, focus glued on (Y/N)'s messages.
"What look?"
"That lovesick look on your face." Tears form on their eyes -- almost abruptly, hadn't their voice shaken right before that. "I- I've been flirting with you for years, and yet you've never once looked at me like that before." They stand up straight, stare down at him, and rest their hands on the table, blinking their tears away throughout. "I've known you for so damn long, and yet you fall for the first human you see up here? I-"
"So that's what this's about," he says, chuckling. "You're-"
"Don't you dare brush everything off as me having a crush on you, Sans." They hiss. "You're not the same as before, and that's as clear as day. You worry a lot more now, and… And you actually seem to care more about other stuff beyond your job and sleeping on it. Y- You-"
"Aren't those good things?"
"Maybe, but your entire personality changing isn't. I liked you better when you were less worked up with stuff that's none of your business." They stop to grab his phone again; a grin breaks the sorrow on their face. "But hey, y- you're just doing your job, aren't you? You should set things straight with that human and remind them you're only with them because Asgore told you to in that agreement letter you gave them."
"Won't work if I flirted with 'em first. Pretty sure they'll see right through my lies."
"Y- You flirted with them first?!"
"Yeah."
He dodges a punch aimed right at his face.
"Wait-"
They throw a second punch -- this one turning out to be a spoof -- and laugh at the sight of him falling for it; they then toss the phone high over his head after he's finished dodging that fake attack, and aim yet another punch right after.
He salvages the device, though at the cost of taking the blow right on his left eye socket.
"How can you admit that so easily? You're awful!"
"'Cause you're only a close friend. I don't owe you an explanation about who I'm dating, and even less if you're gonna be actin' this way."
Drunk Bun springs at him, only to be held back by the rest of the regulars sitting near the scene, sufficiently fast enough for them not to wrangle Sans in anything major. They struggle and thrash at everyone around, trying to break free, but failing each time. It takes a fully-armored guard dog and a buff bear for them to be fought back into their rightful place, and yet another strong monster for them to let go of a wine bottle they insist on downing when seated.
Grillby intervenes as well by warning them to calm down, unless they want to be kicked out. Meanwhile, Sans turns on the camera and looks at his reflection through it, revealing a faint soreness already forming around his eye socket -- right where his companion had punched at. Being primarily made out of bones brought advantages, but having magical properties often led to him bruising easily.
Another regular approaches him and offers him a first aid kit, one he brings back to his seat to heal himself there.
While he takes out an antibiotic and some cotton pads with one hand, he uses the other to busy himself with (L/N)'s messages, against leaving them on read for so long.
no probs.
here at your service.
frisk looks great, btw.
and you? hot. 😘🔥
awkwardly hot.
hotwkward.
Frisk is reading the replies, you know?
damn.
i mean…
darn.
don't tell 'em i said that.
∆ Audio | 0:46 ∆
He clicks on it to hear Frisk giggling along with (Y/N) commenting they won't. It later continues with them asking if he's alright, specifying what they mean by highlighting a picture, this one sent by him. Blurriness makes up most of it when he clicks on it and zooms in, yet he can identify what looks like his companion from earlier, who'd apparently snapped and sent the human a photo by accident.
that's a friend o' mine.
they're, uh, kinda tipsy, so they got inna fight with me.
Really?
Are you okay?
yeah, just a lil' sore where they punched at.
What?!
i'm fine, puddin'.
dw about it.
Where's that bar at?
I'm near the mall, so I can drop by if you need anything.
aren't you still shoppin'?
take it easy.
I'm almost done.
Just trying out one more outfit.
can I see?
👀
Sure.
∆ Attachment | 2 images ∆
To his surprise, they're not only posing much more freely now, but they've also made the effort to strike another pose from a different angle. The human's outfit is composed of a dark green, semi-formal (suit/dress), fit for a night out. They've gone as far as to edit a wink emoji and some hearts at the corner of one -- the most flirty of the two.
So...
What do you think?
*jaw drops to floor, irises pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, soul beats out of rib cage, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of teeth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens jacket, combs skull* ahem, you look real lovely.
*bwushes* Thank uwu kindwy, handswome. I'm vewy fwattewed.
...frisk ain't there anymore, right?
If they wewe, duwu uwu twhink I'd be twyping wike thiws?
faiw poiwnt.
Anyway…
I noticed the changes you made in that copy-paste, and…
You didn't edit the tongue part out.
So…
What that tongue do, baby?
😳
…lick…
...ice cream.
🔥🔥🔥
Ah, that's hot.
Or should I say cold?
And speaking of cold…
I'm gonna get you an ice pack or something.
You should take care of where it's sore, if you don't want it to bruise more.
whatta way to change the subject away from our moment, puddin'.
but uh, thanks in advance.
Anytime, teddy bear.
uwu
owo
• • •
"Am I really changin', Grillbs?" Sans asks, emptying his beer in three long gulps. "Be honest with me."
The one questioned takes the empty can from his hands and shakes his head in what looks more like disapproval rather than him answering that question. He first warns the skeleton about getting drunk, and reminds him to stay sober if he wants an answer as well as prevent himself from drunk-texting the source of his lovelorn self. When receiving a promise from him in response, he later answers with a 'no' and that he's still the same whenever he came to visit the bar.
"So I'm only different when I'm talkin' about 'em?"
Grillby nods.
"Inna bad way?"
He shakes his head.
"Then…"
Sans is stopped with a hand over his and faced with a stern look, despite the owner of it having no eyes or mouth.
"If they make you happy, then it's alright for you to show it," a regular states, intervening in the conversation. "You're not a lifeless machine. And nobody's one-dimensional either, so you shouldn't force yourself to act the same, strict way all the time. If you want to be all mushy with that human, then so be it. Aren't you the one who always says stuff like 'nothing really matters; in the end, we'll all die'? What's stopping you now of all times? Where's that hardcore nihilist I've known since years ago?
Sans rubs the back of his neck and huffs.
Clearly, neither the regular nor Grillby understood what he truly meant to say with his questions. He didn't mind his relationship with the human, but he also didn't want his old self to be replaced by someone he wasn't, as a result. There were things he didn't want to change about his old self -- things he feared would fade away now that he seemed to be getting into something as complex as a romantic relationship. There were parts of him he needed to keep in case the world were to start over again -- in case something went wrong. He couldn't allow himself to grow soft.
A pat on his shoulder lets him know he's lost himself in those thoughts.
"It's alright to fear change, but don't let that hold you back. If you like that human and they do, too -- Then what's there keeping you from going for it?"
It's not that easy.
Still, he keeps that thought quiet and replies with, "Thanks, but I'll probably have to give that more ti-"
The door of the bar opens to reveal someone new to it, but not so much unknown to Sans, who already finds himself distracted by them. (Y/N) stands in front of the entrance, looking this way and that. Frisk holds on to their hand, while a reusable shopping bag's hung over their parent's arm; a pharmacy's logo and name can be seen stamped on it. The eldest human approaches the area with caution, until their child assures them -- once, twice, and then thrice -- they've been to this place before and that it serves other purposes beyond that of providing alcohol and provoking fights. When they look forward, he meets their eyes and tries to glance away quickly, only to be called out by them soon after. They don't take long to smile wide and bright, wave, and -- finally -- approach his side after he waves back at them.
Rather than giving him whatever's in the bag, they instead let go of Frisk's hand, ask them if they want anything to eat, and give them some money when they sign the word 'fries'. Then, they sit on the stool next to his and settle the bag on their lap. "Come closer, and close your eye sockets," they say, still smiling. "It's your left one, right? It looks really sore already."
He nods and tries to ignore the warmth in his soul when they place a hand over his.
In his favour, they let go of him not long after to disinfect their hands and slip some gloves on when these dry out.
"I-"
"Shh."
(Y/N) holds his chin with their hand and grazes their fingers against his injury, their touch slow and careful as they apply some antibiotic over and around it. They then slide an eye patch on him and assumedly check around for any more bruises, based on the feeling of their hands grazing against his torso, arms, and neck. "The ice pack's in the bag -- Remember to throw it in the freezer when you get home." They touch his chest again, even more gentle this time. "So..." He notices some hesitance when they pull their hand back. "You're not hurt anywhere else?"
He shakes his head, words caught in his throat.
"Alright, but don't look yet."
Doing as told, Sans waits for whatever comes next. He stays still and stiff, until he feels their lips brush close to his eye socket, where they lay a soft, ticklish kiss at. They do the same with his other one and finish it off by kissing his nose cavity.
"Now you can."
[First] | [Previous] | [Next]
• • •
...
......
🌋🔥💥 ANNOYING NOTICE TIME 💥🔥🌋
So, here's a summary of all the events happening this month, which will affect Fairytale Complex's update schedule in various ways:
1. I will be rewriting all my other fics that aren't FaiCom, since I'm pretty darn happy and proud of the new writing style I've developed with this fanfic, and so I want to implement it into my older stories (with the exception of the Tom Nook x Reader one -- I'm rewriting that one despite being recent because it started off as a wild, 3 am energy project after finishing with finals, but then I actually had way more fun than I originally anticipated, so I'll be turning it into a long fic just like this one, lol). This means FaiCom will be taking a short, 1 to 2 week break after Arc 2 (Chapter 25) ends, to dedicate some time to all 4 of these stories.
2. I'm taking extracurricular classes/hobby workshops this summer, so I need to tweak my schedule again. This means FaiCom will be changing its schedule back to the old one, composed of weekly updates on Mondays, Wednesdays, and/or Fridays.
3. As mentioned previously, Pride Month is here, so I'll be making some one-shots and drabbles related to it, meaning updates might be slightly less frequent this month. BUT, a good majority of them are FaiCom related ones (and they will be posted on a different book to avoid conflicting with regular updates, too). More on that later on!
• • •
Tag List (Comment or message me if you want to be added to [or removed from] it!)
@the-simp-express
@nektotersh
@disastrous-l0vebug
@therealchickenjoe
@mintyflakes025
@pandaquick
@timelock97
@candle-creeps
@paperb9gs
@merak0
#sans x reader#undertale x reader#lgbt#lgbt themes#gender neutral reader#male reader#female reader#mother reader#father reader#parent reader#chubby reader#long fic#romcom#adventure#mystery#platonic relationships#slow burn
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Moody
Pairing: Julie & Alex (platonic), implied juke
Word Count: 913
Request: alex and julie bonding pls...something unexpected
Warnings: none?
A/N: @vioislit i really hope you like this!! Thank you for the request!! The coming out stuff is based on my own experiences so don’t like,, come for me or anything lol.
Masterlist
___
Julie had been… moody lately.
Alex wasn’t sure that that was the right word for it but it was the word Luke and Reggie kept using. Maybe it was accurate, after all, she had become more distant and she was prone to snapping at them whenever they were doing something even mildly idiotic. Of course, Luke had been quick to point the blame at “girl stuff” (to which Reggie had nodded sagely and Alex had rolled his eyes) but Alex wasn’t entirely sure that was the case.
He worried that there was something going on at school. Maybe Carrie was being especially harsh again or Nick had decided to stop being super cool about being rejected and now was being a massive jerk to her. Alex hadn’t known Julie that long, but she’d quickly carved out a place for herself in his heart and he really couldn’t stand the idea of her being hurt.
Still, he’d kinda proven that, despite his own issues, he was exactly the softest touch in the group so he’d decided to give her some space. If he was being honest, he hoped that Flynn or one of the guys would do something so that he didn’t have to. It wasn’t until after a particularly bad band practice that Alex decided to say something.
They’d been working on a new song but after yelling at them for not taking anything seriously, Julie had stormed off, effectively ending practice early.
Alex didn’t even wait for the inevitable silent conversation they’d have, instead just following after her. Getting himself out from behind his drum set and not tripping over all of Luke and Reggie’s cords took a considerable amount of time (he knew he could’ve just poofed out but he really preferred moving around the normal way and maybe he was stalling a little bit) so when he finally caught up to Julie she had already slammed her bedroom door shut.
“Julie?” He called softly through the door, knocking twice to alert her of his presence first.
“Are Luke and Reggie with you?”
“No, they’re still in the studio.”
Moments later Julie was pulling the door open and silently gesturing him inside.
“You’ve been kinda… off lately. Do you wanna talk at all?”
Julie sighed, flopping down on her bed while Alex stood awkwardly in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot. When she noticed him, she patted the bed next to her, silently signaling that she wanted him to join her. Alex closed the door behind him before padding over and silently laying on the bed next to her.
“You know how Flynn came out?” She spoke, finally breaking the silence that had consumed them, eyes never leaving the ceiling.
Alex nodded. Flynn had come out as gay to them all a week or two ago.
“Well, just, the way she talked about everything…” Julie took a deep breath to steel herself for what she was going to say but she didn’t have to.
“Jules, are you questioning your sexuality?” Alex asked, sparing her from having to find the words to say it herself.
“I- yeah.”
“Hey,” Alex began, propping himself up on one arm and placing his other hand over top of hers, grateful for whatever magic Julie had that allowed them to touch now. “It’s okay to question.”
“I know it’s just-“ she sighed again, shaking her head before sitting up fully and pulling her knees to her chest.
She looked over at him for the first time since letting him in and suddenly he knew what was eating at her.
“You’re worried about Luke.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you... not into guys?” Alex cringed at his own words. For someone who went through this himself when he was coming to terms with his own sexuality, he should not be this awkward.
“No! I am! I just think I might also be into girls.”
“And you’re worried Luke won’t be okay with that,” Alex finished her thought with a sigh.
“Yeah.”
They sat in silence before Julie opened her mouth, words spilling out.
“I know Luke’s a good guy- a great guy. He’s amazing. And I don’t really think he’d have a problem with it because I mean he’s been nothing but supportive to you and to Flynn but I’m still- I’m so scared Alex.”
Alex finally sat up at that, scooting over on the bed so that he could pull Julie into him, tugging her into his chest.
“I know it’s scary,” he sighed. “It doesn’t ever really stop being scary- coming out, I mean. It’s always scary, no matter how many times or who you come out to.”
“Wow, what a great pep talk Mercer,” Julie said dryly.
“Shut up!” Alex threw back and she snorted. “Anyways, it’s gonna be scary but I can promise you that Luke will be nothing short of accepting and supportive.”
Julie nodded into his chest.
“How did you know you were gay?” She asked, changing the subject slightly and Alex exhaled loudly.
“That’s a- that’s a question.” Alex laughed, retracting his arm so that he could adjust so that he was sitting across from her.
They spent the rest of the afternoon chatting, the conversation flowing from sexuality, to school, to what Luke was like back in the 90s and whatever else they could think of. And when Julie eventually came out as bi to the band and Flynn, they were nothing short of accepting and supportive, just as Alex had promised.
___
JATP Taglist: @meangirlsx @morganayenneferburnham @n0wornever @bright-molina @reg-peters @calamitykaty @sunsetcurvecuddles @dream-a-little-bigger-x
#jatp#jatp fic#julie and the phantoms#julie and the phantoms fic#alex mercer#julie molina#luke patterson#bi!julie#juke
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Fanfic Writer Asks
[SOURCE: criminal-minds-fanfiction: Most of the writer ask posts I come across are only like ten or so questions long so I thought I’d try to make a longer one because we like talking about our writing! Feel free to reblog!]
I’m answering all of these b/c I love Q & A’s about my writing, both for my fics and other things.
1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?
It was 2013, so I was 14 years old. I’m now almost 23.
2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?
I’m mostly in the Wicked Musical fandom, but I like to read for other fandoms, like Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Chronicles of Narnia, ect.
3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.
OCs, but I’m more than willing to create an OC for someone based on characteristics they give me.
4) What is your favourite genre to write for?
I love me some fluffy romance and hurt/comfort, but I also love some angsty drama.
5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi-chaptered stories, which would it be and why?
OMG, don’t make me choose! They’re all my babies! I love all my children equally! They all hold special places in my heart.
6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?
Goodness, most of my stories prior to 2017, because I was in high school and had no idea what I was doing because I was just getting my feet wet with writing.
7) When is your preferred time to write?
Anytime really. The latest I’ve stayed up writing a fic was 4AM. *Glares at ‘Threads of Truth’*
8) Where do you take your inspiration from?
Where ever it happens to come up. I’m not picky. Movies, music, people I’ve seen on the street, random thoughts that enter my head, anything.
9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?
In ‘Threads of Truth’, it’s a tie between Villy’s first date, and an argument that happens in an upcoming chapter. And that’s all I’m saying about that.
10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?
In ‘Play The Game’, I liked the epilogue ending that I gave Elphaba with her family, even without Fiyero. I like writing her with kids. Another ending would be with the Fiyeraba still together, but I’m satisfied with the ending it has.
11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?
I’ll go back and fix typos that are pointed out, but I don’t change plot stuff. Like, I wrote what I wrote and I will amend my technique in future stories.
12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?
Other than my OCs, because I get to fully create them and my lowkey babies, I’d have to say G(a)linda. She has so much potential and she’s so much fun.
13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?
Boq. Not because I hate him (I don’t!), but because I don’t normally know what to do with him. If he’s not with Nessa, he’s literally just standing there like a brick wall. No offence, Boq!
14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories.
[Ask me about a specific story(ies)]
15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?
I usually change consonants and vowels to already existing names, or add unnecessary letters because... reasons.
16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?
[Ask me about a specific story]
17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.
“Hopefully, this will soak up any more leaks.” (Upcoming Wicked fanfic)
18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?
Yes, 2. Both of them are a few years old and I’ve grown as a writer since then. Maybe one day, I’ll edit them and repost, but not anytime soon.
19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?
Not everything can have a sequel, y’all! XD
20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?
Yes! Around 60% of them.
21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?
@vinkunwildflowerqueen @raven-curls @mylittleelphie @weaselspeedfanfic Ultimate Queen of Cliffies
22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?
This goes back to Question #6; most of what I posted prior to 2017.
23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?
Silence. I need to focus.
24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?
I can’t write it. They’ll make out, and then be pregnant in the next chapter. Y’all can do the math for yourselves.
25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?
YES! Yes, I have! Both sad tears and tears of joy. I’ve also cringed from second-hand embarrassment at the things the characters do and say. I’m not in control of their actions all the time. Sometimes they tell me what they’re gonna do, and I’m like, “Well, alright, then.”
26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?
[Ask me about a specific story]
27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?
I write bullet points of things I want to happen in a chapter on the Word Doc, or in the story as a whole, and I try to keep those bullet points in order. And the Notes App on my phone holds a lot of my ideas, and sometimes full scenes.
28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?
That I’d become obsessed with writing and continue doing it for almost ten years, as well as expanding to writing plays and musicals.
29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?
Yeah. I’m not gonna say which one, but just know there’s one... or a few.
30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?
Yes, and I’m still not gonna say which one(s). I want all the love!
31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec, not the answerer)
Yeah, sure!
32) Are any of your characters based on real people?
Yes. Villy Doiir from ‘Threads of Truth’ is based on 4 people I know in real life, all mixed together into one wholesome, mother figure/ mentor. Perhaps that’s why I like writing her so much.
33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?
All reviews keep me going, no matter the length. But I love it when people review saying that they picked up on little references that were really just for me. It makes me feel like we’ve shared a moment.
34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?
A guest reviewer once said, “You tend to write Fiyero as an abusive person”. It wasn’t harsh, just... NOT TRUE. Especially for the story they were reviewing.
35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?
Close to my chest. I’ll share it with the world when I’m ready.
36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?
NOPE! You’ll just have to wait and see! LOL!
37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?
I... really don’t know. My stories all have their funny moments.
38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.
I’m very busy, and collabs aren’t really my thing, but I’m always willing to lend an extra pair of eyes pre-posting.
39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?
I’ve written one story in the first person and it was fun to get into the character’s head, but I love third person, cause I like knowing what everyone is thinking. Second person makes me feel a certain way and that don’t really like.
40) Do people know you write fanfiction?
IRL, no. It’s not something I bring up over dinner. I’ll talk about my plays and musicals, but not fanfiction. I like keeping my fics for the online peeps and my more personal writings for the RL peeps.
41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?
My OC, Princess Hannalyn, from ‘A Royal Romance’. She was so much fun!
42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.
I haven’t done a song fic.
43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?
Not fully, but they’ve had little inklings, but certain details were still a surprise. And I’m not mad about it.
44) What is the last line you wrote?
“I don’t want this to be the last time we see each other.”
45) What spurs you on during the writing process?
When I’ll have one idea, and it spirals into many others, and when the characters write themselves. It makes it so much easier for me. Sometimes they tell me that they’re about to make a bad decision, and I just go along with it. They need to learn and grow somehow.
46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?
[Ask me for a specific story]
47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?
[Ask me]
48) What’s your favourite trope to write?
I love a good Royalty AU (not fully AU ‘cause of our princey-prince, but still) and Holiday AUs. And I’ve never written a Coffeeshop AU, but I LOVE reading them. I’ll read anything. I’m not picky, and I love to see what ideas others have.
49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?
Yes, and both of them were Gelphies:
1 - “Easier Said Than Done” by mecelphie - It’s part of a long, wonderful series of Elphaba and Glinda together at Shiz and how their lives evolve together and has many lovable OCs.
2 - “The Thropp Diaries” by denpa wave chick saki - It’s first-person Elphaba POV of the book. It expands on lots of mentioned moments and we get to journey through Elphaba’s thoughts.
50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?
I’d have to say fluff, so I can get my escape from reality. But it’s hard to write pure fluff without a little bit of conflict.
If you wanna read my stories, they’re all right here: Fae’sFlower
#wicked the musical#wicked#wicked fanfiction#fiyeraba fanfic#faesflower#Q & A#Fiyeraba#gelphie#Elphaba#Fiyero#Glinda#Galinda#fanfiction#fanfic#fanfiction.net#let me tell you about my writing and my stories#writer#Q & A with Nia
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q3 2021 update & plot call !!
below the cut, you can find an update on ash’s current life, career (or rather absence of), and development for quarter three, as well as plot and thread ideas! if you see anything that you’d like to plot out or write with him, like this or message me, and we can get to it! i have a lot in mind about where ash is right now, so i might add more and expand later on!
mentions of ash’s continuing struggle with mental illness under the cut in case you don’t wanna read that rn
professionally
ash is on hiatus the whole quarter so... not much going on here.
uhh basically the first two days of july he was still trying to get bc to let him take a break so schedule threads could be set then if they cross paths at the bc building! he’s going to be participating in concert rehearsals for knight to a less intense extent since bc, as of the beginning of his hiatus, fully intends him to participate in the concerts. he’ll miss about the first half of the tour, but in july and august he’ll still be attending knight tour rehearsals some to keep up. schedule threads can also be done then!
(note that he’ll be missing the bc city concert as well — i don’t see him dropping by just to support either tbh, sorry bc ppl. white knight duo ver tho let’s gooooooooooo)
ash will eventually start writing music and finding his love of that again though and that’s pretty much the most work he can do during his hiatus, so it’d be cool to maybe have him write, compose, or produce for a few people that might be releasing later this year or sometime next year if anyone is interested? :) we can see if ash would work for it. there’s also opening for him to ask a few people he’s close to to sing some demos for him when he starts trying to write again!
personally + plot ideas!
explaining how he got to his hiatus would take me all day but he basically forced bc’s hand in letting him take time off (well, he wanted to leave knight and retire ngl but his manager was like... you know that’s not going to happen let’s try a hiatus <3). you can read my badly-written solos for part of it (i still need to write more) but generally, the most other muses might know is that they might have run into him acting kinda moody/down or impulsive/irresponsible lately, he made a very uncharacteristic post on social media that hinted at being unhappy with his life currently and losing passion/excitement for even the things he used to value most highly before his social media was deactivated by bc lmaaooo. the post would have probably conveyed Something was up it it wasn’t like genuinely super triggering-level content i promise !! bc released a statement shortly after stating he’d be going on hiatus without mentioning a definitive end date.
so there’s the possibility a muse might have checked up on him after that post / the hiatus news to see how he was doing?
tbh ash isn’t going to be seeking out meeting new people during his hiatus. he’s taking time to himself and is only going to make any effort to hang out with people he’s comfortable with. those he’s not close to, he’s going to have to interact with by running into unintentionally.
he’s getting a place in jeju in the early-ish part of his hiatus. he’ll be spending a lot of time there at first because he just wants to get away from seoul, so it’d be nice to set some threads there if your muse has the time to hop over to visit him if they have anything resembling a free day. (again a certain level of closeness would be necessary, but i think one good heart to heart conversation beforehand could bring someone closer to him enough for that rn! even over text tbh lmao). chuseok would be a really good time for this !! i imagine catching up over lowkey dinners or heart to hearts under the stars, that found family ash has actively fought having lol
(that place in jeju is also going to be where he starts to want to write music again too, so music based stuff there would be chill?)
heart to hearts in general anywhere would be really good for ash right now so please give me those! they can be in seoul too for sure.
he’ll be moving into a new apartment in seoul eventually, though that will probably be a little later in his hiatus? he had some bad fan/sasaeng run-ins right before his hiatus and having so much time off makes him realize he wants to move. someone can help him house hunt or if someone else is looking for a place, they can talk together about it. i want him to realize he wants to move into a smaller place that can feel more like home
once he does move, muses are free to come over and help him set up / be his one-man housewarming party. that’s a little down the line tho !! so we might not want to plot that as a thread to write right this instant
he may also be getting a pet ! muses can come look with him at a shelter or he can run into people there!
this would be a little later in his hiatus, but it’d be interesting if once he’s doing a little better, he gets the urge to dance and runs into a muse at the dance studio. idk that he’ll ever fall completely back in love with dancing, but he might rediscover some of what he did love about dancing and ash and this muse often run into each other as he visits that dance studio a little more often and they eventually bond over it / do some dancing together.
those who still really have that passion for making music ash has lost, talk to him about it <3 he misses it. he might cry but tbh he’s liable to cry in any thread
he’s cutting his hair short and dying it back to black this month, so it would be possible to run into him at the hair salon!
ash will want to be inside at home mostly at the beginning of his hiatus, but as it goes on, he’ll start to branch out and that will offer some more opportunities to hang out. he’ll try not to go to bars and clubs really, but small music venues or jazz lounges, small indie cinemas, galleries, those kind of things will be up his alley
idk that there’s much plotting to be had around this, but this long hiatus on top of the other hiatuses he’s had and his acting out before this hiatus is going to make some of the bc team realize it might not be super wise to keep pushing him hard as a cf model (and in the long run, just less of pushing him as a major idol star within the company in general tbh) so he’ll be able to get some more tattoos and piercings and will become more comfortable, hopefully, with presenting himself how he wants to be seen / having some development in that good ol’ lack of bodily autonomy aspect ash has always had going on. he’ll be coming out of hiatus living much more of his 2021 jk fc truth with the full sleeve and the eyebrow piercing .
uhhh ? pretty far down the line but i’ll mention it while it’s on my mind :) i think it’d be cool if ash did a collab (mini-)album (or two?) at some point after getting off hiatus. i’d want it to be someone he really clicks with creatively (though they don’t have to be a songwriter — i can see it working as collaborative songwriting or as ash feeling really inspired to write for them) and wants to work with since it’s not going to be something he’s letting bc push him into it at that point, and something that just happens organically. realistically, this would work with a female vocal best by far, maybe a male rapper just based on the songs ash does / i can see him doing. probably wouldn’t want to commit to anything fully rn unless it really clicks but i wanted to throw the idea out there :)
uhmmm?? ig i should also mention ash will be paying attention to his health both mental and physical he’s been neglecting for a while. there isn’t too much to say regarding plotting here because he needs to handle it himself with trying new therapy, medications, understanding there’s some stuff beyond “just” his depression going on. coming to accept nothing’s ever going to be perfect, but that self-awareness and effort can help more than denial can. not super plot potential-y but i’ll mention it since this is all the personal update section
basically, ash is taking time to recover mentally (and physically) and ultimately hopefully leave hiatus in a better place than he started where he can be more comfortable in his career, even if just a little bit, in himself, and in his life. if he can have some good, developing threads during the time, that’d be great!
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Oh Dolokhov/Hélène Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Dolokhov/Hélène playlist annotations!
I stole several songs from a playlist my friends have and I’m not gonna put those on this list, I won’t pretend I came up with those
The ship playlists (since they aren’t for canon couples) are very much based on my headcanons. We don’t get to see them interact literally ever so I’ve just extrapolated what I can. Several of these songs are at least alluding to sex, I don’t really think they actually slept together for various reasons I can enumerate if someone asks, but it’s more about the vibes of the song.
Casual Affair - Panic! At The Disco
It’s literally in the title. Bestie how much more explanation do you need? I don’t even like this song but it’s got the right energy
Those Nights - Bastille
“Aren’t we all just looking for a little bit of hope these days? Looking for somebody you can wake up with?”
Being drawn to each other because of mutual loneliness is a Thing in my interpretation of their relationship, and this hits the nail on the head.
But It’s Better If You Do - Panic! At The Disco
“Praying for love and paying in naïveté”
Again, mutual loneliness and desperation for anything resembling love. Also the “isn’t this exactly where you like me” bit fits because they won’t admit to liking each other outside of their weird intimate moments.
Hurricane - Panic! At The Disco
“Drop our anchors in a storm”
The circumstances of their lives arent super fun at the moment so they find refuge in each other but in a very weird kind of unhealthy way! “We are a hurricane” sort of alludes to knowing that you’re causing problems/your relationship isn’t great.
Almost (Sweet Music) - Hozier
“I’m almost me again, she’s almost you”
It’s about not really being In Love but kind of convincing yourself you are because it makes you feel better in the circumstances. I don’t think either of them were fully into their relationship for various reasons. Not as in they didn’t want the other, more that they were both too aware it would never work for long.
Hall & Oates - Satchmode
“I want to be in love again, with you”
This one’s about wanting the idea of love and companionship more than you actually like the other person, which I feel like kind of fits. This song is framed as one person in love with the other and one hesitating, but i think this works for both of them to hesitate.
Feel Something - Jaymes Young
“Touch me, someone, I’m too young to feel so numb”
The I have tried like six times and I can’t word why I think this song works. I don’t even like it, I skip it every time, but I think it’s got something to do with loneliness and desperation for love driving them to look for it in places they wouldn’t normally? Who knows. Send me an ask if u do.
Another Place - Bastille
“Don’t make promises to me that you’re gonna break”
They could never actually be together for SO many reasons and I think they’re both pretty aware of that. They have no desire to pretend that their relationship is anything other than what it is (“we only ever wanted one thing from this”).
When You Were Young - The Killers
“You sit there in your heartache, waiting on some beautiful boy to save you”
I do not think Hélène expected Dolokhkov to save her from anything except maybe monotony and loneliness, but this song slaps and if I can stretch the lyrics to work, I will
broken - lovelytheband
“I could be lonely with you”
Almost every song on here (including this one) is just. We’re messed up and I know we won’t really find love in each other but we might find solace for a while and be less lonely so uhhhhh wanna kiss me or what
Bleed Magic - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME
“You stand up, stand up, before I drag you down”
They are NOT good for each other! Toxic relationships uwu
Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood
I believe in bi4bi Hélène/Dolokhov
Enemy Fire - Bea Miller
“Sweet words from a serpent’s tongue”
This song is kinda complicated and parts of it don’t fit but the energy of “everything sucks including you but at least we can hide from the suckiness together” is sorta there. Originally I just added it for the soldier vibes because I was testing out songs but I realized i can fit some of the lyrics so on the playlist it goes
Angel of the Small Death and the Codeine Scene - Hozier
“Her sweetened breath and her tongue so mean”
They are horrible and cold to each other as a love language. This song is essentially just “Wow my evil scary gf is so hot” and you’re right Fyodor. She is.
Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON
I won’t lie this one’s mostly a joke, I just think the vibes of telling someone to shut up as (maybe because) you’re falling in love with them is Dolokhov/Hélène energy. Ignore all the parts about wanting to be with her forever and her being his destiny that is not why I added it.
Lone Ranger - Rachel Platten
“I’m just gonna leave, ‘cause baby I’m a lone ranger”
I do not think Dolokhov was intending to stay with her forever at all. Very rude of him. However, she probably also knew it wouldn’t last forever, she’s not stupid.
House of Memories - Panic! At The Disco
“Promise me a place in your house of memories”
This is very much post-duel, their relationship has fizzled out but it was pretty important (do I mean emotionally or to the plot? I’ll never tell) and deserves to be remembered.
American Beauty/American Psycho - Fall Out Boy
“I’m the best worst thing that hasn’t happened to you yet”
SO MANY of these lyrics are so good for them like. Hélène’s beautiful Dolokhov’s a psycho... “you take the full truth and you pour some out” can you imagine them being open and honest with each other? Yeah, me neither. “We were pity sex” They were just sad and lonely! That was what allowed anything to happen at all in my head (not sex but bear with me it’s not my fault those are the lyrics). “All those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep” because Hélène is married to someone else, they really have no right to think of each other that way.
Sk8er Boi - Avril Lavigne
“He wasn’t good enough for her”
UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. Hélène’s complaints about Dolokhov staying with them are just the quoted lyric. “They had a problem with his baggy clothes” yeah Dolokhov’s not as rich and bougie and the rest of them and he’s certainly rough around the edges. And then the skater boy ending with a successful music career vs Dolokhov ending with a successful military career and a great reputation and both the women in the songs having sad endings...I’m not wrong.
Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet - Fall Out Boy
“Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band?”
The affair vibes. The AFFAIR VIBES. And the concept of “I will never end up like him [the husband]/ behind my back I already am” in reference to using Hélène and deciding he hates her right after deciding she’s hot...okay! I see you kinning Pierre, Dolokhov. You ARE being just like her husband :/
You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi
“Shot through the heart and you’re to blame”
This is just Dolokhov’s massive I Hate Women monologue condensed. Stop blaming beautiful women for YOUR attraction to them maybe 🔫
Death Valley - Fall Out Boy
“Don’t take love off the table yet”
This is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is not a table sex joke this is n-
I didnt add it for that reason it was about a vibe but then. I realized. Now the original reason doesn’t even matter.
Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner - Fall Out Boy
“I’ll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake”
Tell me the quoted lyric does not SCREAM Hélène/Dolokhov. You can’t. Also “I’ll weigh you down I’ll watch you choke/You look so good in blue” really captures hatred as a love language.
This is Love - Air Traffic Controller
Ok I stole this from my friends’ playlist but I did want to explain it because it’s not JUST Dolokhov and Hélène in my mind. The whole jealous fool second verse gives me Pierre around the duel energy as well
Bad Boy - Cascada
“Be my weekend lover but don’t be my friend”
Bernie Sanders voice I am once again asking you to hear me out about the unironic meme songs on my War and Peace character playlists. It’s got the refusal to admit that she actually likes hanging out with him down. The line “after some time you just pushed me aside” referring to Dolokhov teasing Pierre about their affair because he got bored. “I dont need you in my life again”...YEAH I’m fairly sure they dont interact in canon again after that.
Hayloft - Mother Mother
“My daddy’s got a gun”
This song started playing on accident once when I was listening to this playlist and I was like huh. It fits though. The gun thing is twofold: 1) Though he is not her father, Pierre does have a gun in the duel and 2) I think Vassily would happily shoot Dolokhov for his relationships with Vassily’s kids. It’s also just the general forbidden love vibes mixed with the violence vibes.
affection - BETWEEN FRIENDS
“I’m looking for affection in all the wrong places and we’ll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”
Have I been clear enough about my thesis that their relationship is based in mutual loneliness? Also, I like the acknowledgment that this is in fact the wrong place. I think they’re both very aware of that.
Walk Away - Franz Ferdinand
“Yes I’m cold but not as cold as you are”
This song is for them post-duel. Especially the “I cannot stand to see those eyes as apologies may rise/I must be strong, stay an unbeliever” because 1) I hear the word eyes, I think of Dolokhov and 2) I think she’s too smart to believe any apology he would give her, she knows he doesn’t really mean it. The song kinda reads as someone trying to convince themselves they’re happy that the relationship is over, which I think is definitely what happens for both of them.
Van Horn - Saint Motel
“Tell me do you hate me? Or do you wanna date me?”
Obsessed with the dynamic of “I like you but that’s embarrassing for both of us I’m gonna act like I hate you instead”
#war and peace#helene kuragina#fedya dolokhov#my post#w&p playlists#helenkhov#is that their ship name??? idk#someone tell me what it is ill owe u my life
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Okay so I'm super nervous to post this but I wrote this one-shot for the #trikey fandom. Ive had this idea for awhile but I finally got around to writing it. It's based off the song Lips of an angel by Hinder. I think its perfect for Michael and Trevor lol so please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!
Honey, why are you calling me so late?
It’s kinda hard to talk right now
Honey, why are you crying, is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud
Michael woke up to his phone ringing on his bedside table. He knew who it was before he even looked. He didn’t know how or why because it could have been a number of people. He reached over and grabbed the phone. His eyes squinted from the bright light. Trevor. He was both glad and disappointed he was right but he supposed he might have willed it to be. His thoughts had been filled with his crew mate, best friend and sometimes more, but that was before Amanda and the kids. Well that wasn’t entirely true. Every time they went on a job together, they fell into each other as soon as they were alone in their hotel room. Michael just couldn’t help himself.
It had been a few months since he had seen Trevor though. He tried to put distance between them. He knew that Trevor had a hard time just sleeping together on occasions and understanding Michael had a family to go home to. Michael wanted nothing more than for his friend to be happy but he just couldn’t be the one to give it to him.
He stared as the phone rang and debated answering but he pictured Trevor’s face the last time he had seen him with tears rolling down his face, begging Michael to stay. His heart clenched and he answered.
“Hello?” he whispered. He looked over at Amanda still sleeping. He had to be quiet. He didn't want to wake her and have her find out who he was talking to. He didn’t feel like fighting tonight.
“Hey." Trevor’s voice rang out on the other side of the phone.
“Jesus, Trev. Do you know what time it is?” He flinched as the words left his mouth. He didn’t mean to sound upset but he did.
Trevor laughed dryly.
“Oh I’m sorry, Princess. Am I interrupting your beauty sleep? I thought I might call my best friend who hasn’t talked to me in months” he said coldly.
“Trevor, if you want to talk you can call and you can call during the day.” Amanda moved next to him. He had to be quiet.
“Works both ways. If you wanted to talk you would have called. But you didn’t.” His voice cracked and ended in a broken sob. Michael hated himself a little more.
“T, why are you crying? Is everything okay?” he whispered. He wished he was there with Trevor right now. He would pull him into his arms and hold him until the tears stopped like he always did.
“Speak up M. I cant hear you"
“I have to be quiet or I’ll wake up-" he let his sentence go unfinished, trying to be careful not to set T off.
“Ah, of course. Wouldn’t want to wake the Mrs. I’ll let you go." He could hear the anger, the jealousy, the sadness, and the pain in Trevor’s voice.
“No!” he said rather loudly. He snapped over to look at Amanda, who just turned over on her side away from him. He sighed. “Don’t go. Just- Hang on.” He got out of bed quietly and snuck out the room. He grabbed his cigarettes off the counter and sat down on the couch, lighting one up and taking a deep inhale and exhale. He wasn't supposed to smoke in the house, but fuck it.
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words - it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But, girl, you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
“Now tell me what’s going on, Trev. I can't be too loud. Mandy and the kids are in the other room asleep" he explained.
“I-I don’t know. I just needed to hear your voice.” Trevor replied quietly, his voice soft and tight like he was trying to stop himself from crying. Michael wondered what had him so upset. He had heard he had a boyfriend of sorts from Lester and apparently they’ve been doing jobs together for L since Michael saw T last. When L told him, he saw red. He got wasted and wound up outside screaming and crying at the night sky. Trevor was his, but he wasn't and he never would be. He didn’t want to but he hoped Trevor was calling to tell him he left that guy and to ask when Michael was coming back to work, to him. There was also a chance Trevor was calling because he was drunk and cranked out. Either due to said guy or something else or even for the hell of it. He might be in trouble or lying somewhere drugged out.
“Is it that guy you’re with?” Michael realized how incredibly jealous he sounded but maybe he was. Maybe he missed being on the road, never staying in one place too long. Maybe he missed the thrill of the job, and maybe he missed looking over in the middle of a heist and grinning at Trevor who was grinning just as hard back. Maybe he missed pulling Trevor into a hard kiss as soon as their hotel door shut and having the most passionate nights of his life, and then falling asleep in his lover’s arms. Maybe he even missed the times they just sat on the bed and talked for hours about any and everything. Maybe sometimes he wished it was Trevor who was in the other room, waiting for him to come back to bed.
“How-how do you even know about that?” Trevor asked, sounding surprised.
“Lester.”
“Of fucking course. Well not that it’s any of your business but he's asleep. It ain’t like he’s my boyfriend or anything. You know I ain’t they settling type. There’s only one exception. Fuck. I miss you, Mikey.” He sobbed.
“Trev-"
“It's okay. I understand. It’s just so good to hear your voice, Mikey.” There goes that nickname again. A nickname only Trevor called him. A nickname that sounded so sweet coming from Trevor’s lips. Like an angel. A fallen angel maybe.
“It's really good to hear your voice too T. Mikey. That’s a name I haven't heard in awhile” he said fondly.
“What, too good to be called Mikey anymore?” T said annoyed.
“No, not at all. Although you are the only one who calls me that, but I like it.” He felt his cheeks flush and his heart flutter as he spoke.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Now tell me what’s going on please."
“When are you gonna do a job? It’s been months. We miss you out there. I miss you. I-I need you, Mikey. Please come back to me. I can't stop thinking about you. You haunt me every waking moment, and even in my dreams. Do you dream of me?” Hearing those words made Michael feel weak. He almost told Trevor he was on his way, grabbed his car keys and left without a second thought, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t leave his children. He might do a few jobs now and then but he wouldn’t choose that life over them. No matter how bad he craved it, craved him.
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me?
Will it start a fight?
No, I don't think she has a clue
“Trevor, I-I want to be there. You know I do, but I got Tracey and Jimmy to think about, but I think about you too. All the time. Especially lately. It’s funny you called. And yeah, I’ve dreamt of you too T.” He didn’t know why he was being so open about this, about whatever it was between them, but hearing how broken Trevor sounded and how it matched how he felt inside, he knew they both needed to hear it. To hear that Michael cared about him, that he missed Trevor just as much as he missed him.
“Oh yeah? What’d you dream about, cowboy?” he asked and Michael could picture his thick eyebrows wagging. He laughed, genuinely laughed. Something he hadn’t done since the last time he saw Trevor.
“It wasn’t like that. Well not all like that.” Now it was Trevor’s turn to laugh.
“Tell me.” He told Michael.
“We were in a nice house, our house. We were happy.” He whispered, afraid of the way his dream made him feel. He didn’t want to dream of Trevor, of their future that would never be. He wished he could let Trevor go, but he didn’t think he ever fully would.
“It doesn’t have to be a dream, Mikey. The kids can be in your life, our life.” Trevor pleaded. Michael had to change the subject before he agreed.
“What about that guy you've been seeing? Does he know you’re talking to me? Won't he get mad?”
"I told you he's not my boyfriend. I don't care if he gets mad, but no, he doesn't know I'm talking to you. He doesn't know anything about you except you're the great Michael Townley, expert thief. He actually wants to meet you." Trevor laughed dryly at that. "What about Amanda? Does she know you're talking to me? Does she know anything?"
Does she know anything, meaning does she know when Michael goes away to work he all but forgets about her? Does she know that his nights with Trevor are filled with more passion than their whole marriage has ever seen? Does she know that Michael's heart will never fully belong to her?
"No, no I don't think she has a clue, Trev." He sighed. The guilt constantly ate at him and he tried so hard to be the husband she deserved, the father his children deserved, but he never would me. He belonged to the game, to Trevor, but it didn't matter. How he felt didn't matter, couldn't matter. He would push his feelings down to the bottom of his heart with a smile.
"Mikey. I miss you so much. So much it hurts. I can't get you out of head, out of my heart. I've tried drugs and alcohol. I've tried fucking anyone in sight and even getting a wannabe you, but nothing works. I've tried telling myself you're better off with her, but you're not. You're miserable and so am I. Please just do the best thing for you, for us." He begged through sobs. Michael could hardly make out what he was saying.
He felt tears rolling down his face. He felt Trevor's words stab his soul. He tried to drown Trev out too. He drank so much even he was worried. He smoked several packs of cigarettes a day. He went to strip clubs almost every night and almost every time he brought one of the girls to his car or a hotel for a quick fuck. He just wanted to feel numb, to never know the pain of loving someone you could never be with. What was that saying? It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. He wasn't sure if he agreed, but inevitably he did. He would feel this pain a thousand times just to know what it was like to love and be loved by this man. What it felt like to lay in his arms as he rubbed his back and kissed his head. He couldn't give that up. He wasn't ready for that.
"I'm gonna call Lester tomorrow and get a job set up. I'll let you know where to go. Everything will be okay. I'll see you in a few days. I promise. Okay?"
"Yeah okay, but what about-" Michael cut him off.
"We'll talk about everything then." He knew he was lying and Trevor probably did too. They both knew he would never be able to leave his family and that pretty little white lies would have to suffice them.
"Okay Mikey, I'll see you in a few days. And you better show up" he threatened, half jokingly.
"I'll be there, Trev. And Trev?"
"Yeah?"
"Next time call me during the day" he said chuckling.
"Yes princess. See ya soon Mikey." He said before hanging up.
Trevor just makes it too hard to be faithful and Michael was weak.
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distance ~ cody fern
word count: 1829
request?: yes!
“#7 song prompt with Cody Fern. Or Xavier ?”
description: in which cody and his girlfriend battle a long distance relationship
pairing: cody fern x female!reader
warnings: none really
based on this song
if you’d like to check out my song prompt list thing that i’m doing click here!
masterlist
“This really isn't a relationship you know.”
I turned to glare at my best friend. She simply shrugged at me. “I’m just saying. Waiting around all day for him to call isn’t a relationship.”
“What am I supposed to do, (Y/F/N)?” I asked her. “Just end things with him because his career is taking off? That’s so shitty of me. And I’m not about to ask him to start turning down the roles that Ryan Murphy is offering him? These are the roles of a lifetime, he’s really starting to take off.”
(Y/F/N) shook her head, but knew there was no use talking to me. She was right, there was no use in talking to me. I wasn't about to give up a half a decade relationship because my boyfriend was achieving his dream job in acting.
Cody and I started dating around the time he started getting bigger film and television roles. He had been so excited when he was offered the role in American Crime Story, and I was excited for him. It was a show that already had one really successful season that was produced by Ryan Murphy, who was essentially known for producing some of the most popular shows on television, not to mention paving the way for so many actors to become huge in Hollywood.
After American Crime Story, Cody was cast as the leading role in the eighth season of American Horror Story, and a smaller role in the ninth season, and then a role in the final season of House of Cards. Cody was so happy, and I was happy for him. The only downside was how often he was away from home, which was like 11 months of the year.
I wasn’t famous. Far from it, actually. I had no talents in acting or singing or anything that would make me famous. I was just your normal girl who lived in a normal home and worked a normal job to afford my house, although Cody offered on numerous occasions to pay for our rent fully but I’d never let him do that. With me being stuck at home all the time and Cody gone so often, it put a bit of a strain on our relationship. We only really got to talk twice a day, in the morning and before bed. Sometimes Cody was able to call on his breaks but his breaks usually happened when I was working so I wasn’t able to answer. Our texts were also few and far between, which sucked even more.
But no matter how much the distance sucked, I’d never let that come between us. I loved Cody no matter what, and he loved me. I’d be lost without him.
“I just don’t think it’s fair for you to be here, sitting around all the time waiting for his texts or calls,” (Y/F/N) continued.
I threw my head back and groaned. “Can you give it a rest? You always talk like this. Why can’t you just accept that I’m happy no matter what mine and Cody’s situation is?”
“I just think you deserve a relationship with someone who can be here with you.”
“I’d rather be in a relationship with someone who loves me and who I love than be with someone who the only thing they can give me that Cody can’t is being here with me.” I stood from my spot on her couch. “I’m gonna go home.”
“(Y/N), I’m sorry - ” she started. I held a hand up to cut her off.
“It’s fine. I understand your concern, but I love Cody. I just want people to accept that.”
(Y/F/N) gave me an awkward smile, which I awkwardly returned before saying goodbye and leaving. As I drove home, I couldn’t help but think about how she wasn’t the only one who has made comments about mine and Cody’s long distance. I had heard it a lot from different people in my life; my parents, other friends, even people online - both fans of Cody and just normal people.
I understood that people were worried about me. I had read stories before about people who were cheated on by a significant other due to long distance relationships. But I knew Cody wasn’t like that. We had been together for so long, before he was even famous. He’d never do that to me, I was sure of it.
But it does suck that you essentially spend your days waiting for him to call, something in my mind pointed out as I parked my car.
That’s not all I do, I reminded myself. I work, I relax when I’m not working, I hang out with friends and family. Sure, part of me is waiting for Cody to call, but that’s not all I do.
I sighed heavily. I really needed to stop thinking this way. Everyone was getting to my head. I just wished they’d all stop.
As if he knew I was thinking about him, my phone played Cody’s ringtone. I balanced the phone between my shoulder and my ear as I opened our friend door. “Hey baby.”
“Hello love!” Cody’s excited voice answered. “I can’t talk for long, I’m on a short break. How are you?”
I tried to put on the best fake happy voice as I responded, “I’m great! How are you honey?”
Of course, Cody knew better. “Are you okay, (Y/N)? You don’t sound great.”
I sighed again. “It’s nothing, Co, really. How’s your day? Are you filming the new season of AHS?”
“No, we’re not filming anything right now,” Cody responded. “Something is up, baby, why won’t you tell me?”
I debated on actually telling him. Maybe I should, he’d be able to ease my mind. But what if he didn’t? What if he broke up with me because of it, because he felt the same way or because he thought that’s what I wanted to do? It was such a stupid thing to worry about, why was I even considering it?
Suddenly, Cody said, “Put a pin in it, baby, I gotta go. I’ll call you as soon as I can. I really wanna know what’s wrong.”
As I heard the dial tone I realized that was why I was considering it.
~~~~~~
Hours later, the sun was starting to go down. I was laid on my couch, watching Netflix in the near pitch black. I was so tired I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. Part of me was wondering why I was even staying up, but I knew the answer was because I was waiting for Cody’s call.
I debated on just falling asleep. Staying up was just proving (Y/F/N)’s point, that I all I did was wait around for Cody to call when he wasn’t busy. But I also knew that if Cody called knowing that I was upset about something and I didn’t answer that he’d be worried, and the last thing I wanted to do was worry him too much.
Sleep was starting to win when my phone finally rang again. I picked it up and answered with a sheepish, “Hello?”
“Ah shit, did I wake you?” asked Cody. “I totally forgot how late it is.”
“No, I’ve been awake. Just watching TV,” I responded. “How was your day?”
“Long,” he said. “What’s bothering you, love? I can tell there’s something.”
I sighed heavily and ran my hand through my hair. "It’s nothing, just stupid stuff.”
“If something is bothering you it’s not nothing, and it’s especially not stupid. What’s going on honey?”
I couldn’t help but smile at Cody’s concern. “I was just thinking about...us...and this distance.”
There was a prolonged silence. I immediately regretted my decision in telling him. I was afraid of what his reaction would be - was he going to be upset that I was thinking it? Or angry? What if he was thinking the same thing? What if he breaks up with me right now?
He finally broke the silence when he asked, “Were you...thinking about ending our relationship because of it?”
“No!” I responded. “No, oh my God Cody. I’d never end this, especially not because of that.”
I could hear Cody breathe a sigh of relief. I decided to continue before he could say anything else, “It’s just...(Y/F/N) kinda got into my head today. And it’s not that I don’t want to continue this relationship because I’d never end what we have and I love you so much, but I do miss you a lot and it sucks so bad that I only get to hear from you maybe twice in a day and I see you so little.”
“I know,” Cody said. “I understand. I miss you so much, too. I wish I could be home more often with you.”
“But I don’t want you to give up acting or even take a break,” I continued. “Cause you’re blowing up right now and I’m so goddamn proud of you for it. I’d never ask for you to give any of that up. And I guess that’s just the sort of loop I’m in right now; I miss you but I’d rather you be achieving your dreams than to give them up for me.”
I realized then that I had started crying. I quickly wiped my eyes and tried to keep my voice even so Cody wouldn’t know.
“I get it, baby, I really do,” he told me. “There’s been times where I’ve wanted to invite you to come along on press tours or to set to watch me film for a month or so but I know that I can’t just take you away from your life and that it’s not that simple to just uproot you for months on end.”
I chuckled. “I guess we’re just sorta stuck in the middle then.”
“We are, but you know what? No matter what I’d never change that for the world.”
I smiled to myself. “Neither would I.”
“Hey baby?”
“Yeah Cody?”
“Come answer the door, would you?”
My eyes widened. Without evening hanging up the call, I dropped my phone and raced to our front door. I unlocked the door and swung it open to find Cody standing there, his phone still raised to his ear and his suitcase trailing behind him. He smiled brightly at me and I immediately jumped into his arms.
“What are you doing here?!” I asked.
“We finished filming the new season early and were allowed to come home,” he told me. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“Mission accomplished,” I laughed.
I stepped back to let Cody into the house. He closed the door and cupped my face, kissing me deeply. “I love you so much. I’m so happy to have you in my life.”
I giggled. “I love you, too, Cody. No matter how far we are from each other.”
#Cody Fern#cody fern x reader#cody fern imagine#request#song#imagine#prompt#song prompt#ed sheeran#photograph#one shot
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17. CZECH REPUBLIC
Benny Christo - “Kemama”
youtube
So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁
So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~
ENTRY ANALYSIS
As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.
.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism.
Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?
Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.
They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)
So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got.
Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.
Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭
Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?
NF CORNER
While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o
I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”
Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.
Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.
Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.
We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”
youtube
Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:
Pam Rabbit - “Get up”
youtube
Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-
Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“
youtube
Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~
Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”
youtube
I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo! Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...
Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021
BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.
And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.
Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc.
FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!
I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry.
Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.
However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3 God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)
This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!!
Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.
#Eurovision#Eurovision 2020#Eurovision Song Contest#Czech Republic#Czechia#Bohemia#Ben Christovão#Benny Christo
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Hello there lovely! Firstly, I LOVE your writing. You're just so GOOD. It literally lights up my day when I see you've posted a Rollisi prompt. Much love! Secondly, I was wondering if there was any chance of you doing a song prompt. I adore "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur for Rollisis and would love to see some sort of fic based on it. No pressure if it's not your style. Take it or leave it. Love your work! You're the hero us Rollisi fans need!
[anon, this literally made me cry ilysm ! i’m so sorry this took me so long to get to ! i hope you saw the post i made shortly after you sent this saying i was doing it so you don’t think i just totally ignored you especially after all your kindness !]
The precinct felt particularly quiet that night. It usually did after a particularly difficult case. And, even after years of working at SVU, nothing was more difficult for Amanda than working cases involving children.
She sat at her desk, looking intently at the pictures of her daughters that were proudly displayed, unable to stop the familiar, intrusive thoughts from encroaching into her consciousness. She’d seen the worst of what the world had to offer working in the field that she chose. If anything were to ever happen to either of her girls…
She had enough restraint to flip the switch before the thought could fully manifest. Jesse and Billie were okay. They were fine…probably warm and comfortable in their pajamas, unwinding before bed. The thought was comforting, but also brought on a wave of almost guilt. Her kids were happy and safe and loved. The kids who’d been victimized by that animal…
“Rollins,” Amanda blinked back the tears that had threatened to spill at the corners of her eyes and turned to face Olivia at the sound of her voice. “Go home. Be with the girls.”
Amanda shook her head, as if to jostle the dark thoughts from her mind, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. “Yeah,” she agreed. Her eyes flickered to the framed photographs of her daughters one last time before she finally stood up from her desk. “These cases make you wanna go home and hug the people you love a little tighter.”
“I know Noah and I will be watching an extra hour of TV together tonight,” Olivia agreed with a small, sad smile.
Amanda returned the sentiment, but thought twice before offering a response on how her own night would transpire. Keeping things in her personal life under wraps had been getting inexplicably more difficult as time went on, and she’d found that she had almost slipped up on quite a few occasions within the past month.
Keeping secrets from Olivia and Fin was discernibly not her favorite thing to do, but it was necessary…for the sake of the job as well as for the sake of preserving what was hers and only hers for as long as possible. She loved them like they were family, but they — if nothing else — were opinionated. And it had admittedly been nice not having an outside opinion on her life outside of work since she’d been pregnant with Billie.
When it was clear that a nod was all the response that her detective was going to give, Olivia pulled her bag up a little higher onto her shoulder, fastening the final button on her coat. “Give the girls an extra kiss for me,” she said.
Amanda nodded again, her smile a little less melancholic this time. “See you in the morning, Captain.”
When she arrived back home, Amanda stopped outside of her apartment to fish her keys out of her coat pocket. From the other side of the door, she could hear a familiar voice, and a small smile touched her lips, as she paused to listen to the sound of the thick, Staten Island accent reading the words to one of Jesse’s favorite books that she had all but memorized by that point.
“The witch had a cat and a hat that was black, and long ginger hair in a braid down her-”
“Back!” Jesse finished excitedly.
Amanda smiled to herself before finally unlocking and opening the door, and the sight in front of her — with Billie sleeping soundly against Carisi’s shoulder and Jesse curled up against his side to look at the pictures in the book — was enough to send every fearful and negative thought about the recently closed case back into the furthest corners of her consciousness.
“Mommy!” Jesse exclaimed with a wave in her direction once she closed the door behind her.
The small smile that Amanda previously wore grew as she exchanged glances between all of the familiar faces. “You three havin’ fun without me?”
Jesse climbed into Carisi’s lap to take the book out of his hands and turn it to show the pictures to her mother. “We’re reading Room on the Broom!”
“Again?” Amanda asked with mock surprise. As if by second nature, she unclasped her necklace to remove the diamond ring that had been tucked into her shirt all day before slipping it back into its rightful place on her left hand. “One more reading and Uncle Sonny might start asking for a lobotomy.”
Carisi chuckled, but Jesse simply looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. “What’s a bononomy?”
“Don’t worry about it,” he assured her. “How about before we finish me and Mom get Billie settled for the night and you can show her the picture you drew before, alright?”
“Okay!” Jesse agreed easily and with a jovial smile. She clambered out of his lap and set the book down on the coffee table, taking off down the hallway nearly as soon as her slippers hit the floor.
Amanda took the sleeping toddler from Carisi’s arms, kissing her head and holding her just a little bit closer than usual, and he followed behind her as they made their way into Billie’s dimly lit bedroom to put her to bed. After tucking her in and whispering a gentle goodnight, she turned to the man behind her, winding her arms tightly around his waist, and resting her head against the crook of his neck.
It seemed contrived, but she couldn’t help but notice that all of the darkness that had tainted her world throughout the years had become a little bit lighter since she’d finally allowed herself to fully let him in. From childhood, life had been anything but easy.. It all lingered in the back of her consciousness in a seemingly endless cycle. Maybe it always would. But sometimes in the simplest moments…when she’d watch him tuck the girls into bed, or she’d wake up to a gentle kiss before he’d get up to put on a pot of coffee…it all seemed to fade away for a little while.
She breathed out nearly all of the tension of the day in a soft sigh, her eyes squeezing closed as if to help her to memorize everything about him in that moment — the warmth of his skin, the smell of the cologne on the collar of his shirt, the soft whisper of his voice when he finally spoke.
“You alright?”
Her hand smoothed absentmindedly down his back, and she pulled away from the hug just enough to tilt her head up to look at him. “Better now,” she responded.
Now that I’m with my family.
She’d completed the thought exclusively in her mind, but the way he quirked a curious eyebrow and the corners of his lips turned up in amusement let her know that he’d recognized the implication. “Gettin’ domestic on me, Rollins?” He teased.
She rolled her eyes playfully, and when he leaned down to kiss her, she aptly dodged it with a laugh. “If I ever get domestic you’ll know it,” she assured him.
The truth was, she had gotten more domestically sentimental throughout the year and a half they’d been together romantically. She had, admittedly, rolled her eyes at the “marry your best friend” sentiment in the past. It seemed too cliche…childish even. Maybe that was because — before now — the vast majority of men she’d dated in the past hadn’t actually been her friends at all, she wondered.
“I thought you might be headin’ in that direction when you actually agreed to marry me,” he finally said with a chuckle.
“Well if it’s any consolation I’ve still got time to change my mind.” Her smile indicated that she was only joking without her having to say it, and this time when he leaned down to peck her lips, she graciously accepted. “Hopefully we’re both still employed by the time we actually get to the part where we tie the knot.”
For as much as she wanted to blame the detective skills of Manhattan SVU for the fact that it had been getting more and more difficult to hide the nature of their relationship from the squad — and for as much as that was partially to blame — she knew she hadn’t been doing herself any favors either. Half the time she’d go out of her way to avoid him when he’d come into the precinct, and the other half she’d be so tense that she could feel it in her shoulders.
It hadn’t exactly dawned on her until Olivia had pulled her aside one day to ask if they were okay…if they’d had some kind of falling out because — according to the Captain — they’d been standoffish around one another. She could only hope her own shock in response to the observation wasn’t evident enough to seem suspicious.
“You’re borrowin’ trouble again,” he pointed out in response to the offhanded comment.
“So I take it you’re ready to convince Hadid that marrying one of the detectives you work with somehow doesn’t present a conflict of interest?”
“I’m a lawyer, Rollins. Convincing is kinda what I do.” He paused, cupping her face gently between his hands to look her in the eyes. “Don’t worry about it, alright? We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. And either way…it’s all gonna work out.”
She knew he had absolutely no way of knowing that for sure, but something about the gentleness of his tone and the sincerity in his eyes made her want to believe it.
“You’re right. Gettin’ fired doesn’t sound too bad,” she finally said with a teasing smile, and when he chuckled with a roll of his eyes she nudged him playfully with her elbow. “I could use a vacation.”
When the floor outside of Billie’s bedroom creaked just slightly, Amanda instinctively unwrapped her arms from around him and turned to find Jesse standing in the doorway with a piece of paper in her hands. With a proud smile, the little girl thrust the drawing out to show her mother, and Amanda regarded the crayon-drawn figure with a bright smile.
“It’s Frannie!” The little girl declared, but she seemed to easily lose her focus on the task at hand as she turned her attention to Carisi. “Can we finish the story now?”
“Yeah, of course. C’mon.”
He grunted dramatically when he picked her up, offering a playful comment about how fast she’d been growing, and Amanda couldn’t help but smile at the way her daughter glowed excitedly in response.
The three of them quickly settled back onto the couch. Jesse sat attentively in Carisi’s lap, her eyes glued to the pages of the picture book as he picked up where he had left off, and Amanda leaned against him, nestled affectionately against his side. As he read, she slowly but surely fazed out the words and allowed herself to simply drift into the comfortable familiarity of his voice.
After all of the men who had burned her in the past — those who had left her high and dry or slept around behind her back — she had almost started to believe that there was no point in trying to build a romantic relationship as it would only end in heartbreak. But as she rested her head against the shoulder of the man she was going to marry…her former partner…her best friend…she let herself embrace the fact that she hadn’t let it get that far.
She thought back to the night that he’d asked her to marry him. When Al had proposed, it was out of perceived necessity. He’d wanted to make an “honest woman” out of her. With Carisi, it was different. He didn’t have to marry her. He wanted to.
“I want us to spend the rest of our lives like this, Amanda.”
A small, subconscious smile touched her lips in response to the memory, and when her eyes shifted up to him, watching his eyes skim over the children’s book as Jesse listened and leaned against his shoulder with sleepy eyes, she knew she wanted the same.
She wanted him to be there through everything that life would come to throw at her. She wanted to grow old with him by her side.
She wanted forever with him. And the ring around her finger assured her that he was never going to let her go.
#rollisi#rollisi prompts#svu#i'm genuinely soft over this ask again i don't deserve this kinda kindness <3#also sorry for the delay this week there's genuinely no excuse#for me i was just being lazy
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author spotlight - still_i_fall
He wants to forget how it felt to be hers for just one second.
- remember it’s all pretend @in-my-head-i-do-everything-right
one of the most prolific writers in the hallie fandom, @in-my-head-i-do-everything-right (still_i_fall) has graced us with classic after classic. i had an absolute blast talking with her, and hope you all enjoy the interview!
q&a
Hey! Thanks again for including me in this! Very excited to answer the questions. I love talking about myself.
Favorite of your stories (and why)
I almost got stuck on this question. I really want to say remember it’s all pretend because I am so incredibly proud of that one. It was the first multi chapter fic that I ever properly finished and I feel like that really means something to me. I also really love that concept, and how it was able to fit in slowburn and enemies to friends to lovers and mutual pining plus a million other little tropes. And, most of all, it was really fun to write. It happened really easily. It’s something I’ll go back to sometimes if I’m ever in the mood to reread my own work.
But I also love this new thing that I just wrote called i just wanna dance with you. I think if I can pull it off, it could be something really amazing. I was able to write the first chapter in about a week and had a ton of fun doing it. And I really love writing Harry’s pov and just switching things up a little. Ugh, I really love the idea of hallie meeting/knowing each other as little kids and I think that’s pretty apparent in these two fics.
Easiest story to write
I’ll stop the world (and melt with you) happened really quickly which I guess qualifies it as easy to write. I thought it’d be more difficult just because so much of it is dependent on canon which is something I’m not entirely used to, but it ended up going to fast. I think somewhere I still have a page of notes on that Prom episode and everything that happens to Allie and Harry. I really wanted to include pieces of dialogue from the show.
I also think it was because I used to do this thing when I was bored where I’d think about who I’d want to be trapped in a Groundhog day like loop with and what’d I’d do. It was just this recurring thought/ daydream I had when I was younger so it’s definitely a situation that I’ve thought through a little.
Hardest story to write
The taste, the touch, the way we love has been a pain in the ass to write right from the start. Sometimes it’s really fun, but I think I’ve been sticking way too close to the outline I drew at the very start and have been avoiding writing it for too long. Sometimes I absolutely love to write it and have the time of my life, and other times I hate it. There’s not much of an in between. Still definitely want to finish it. Just waiting on that final bit of inspiration.
Pre-writing process
I’m all about doing a full outline. Usually. With most longer fics (anything I think will be over 6,000 words), I do a full outline where I plan out the progression of the fic and specific scenes and pieces of dialogue. Usually, the plot hits me all at once and is usually the easiest part of the writing process for me. From that original outline, I usually have at least a few specific scenes fully planned out with pieces of dialogue and/or exposition. For example, for i’ll stop the world I started out the planning process with the introduction piece of the fic. That first paragraph is straight out of the note apps on my phone. A lot of the time it’ll end up being a bullet point list of main bits. I’ll use parentheses to specify the tone of a scene or little details and then use brackets for things that I want verbatim in the fic.
But sometimes I end up with very little pre-planning. The skating au is kinda the only good example of this. I only had the roughest of outlines for that one (how i wanted the first chapter to start and end) and everything else just came together as I tried to get from point A to point B.
What drew you to Hallie
The potential. They could have a really great story and I think that’s fun. There’s a lot of chemistry there and their dynamic is fun and, yeah, I think I’m a little too far in to get out now.
Favorite line (or lines)/ section you’re proud of
God, I have so many. Hope you don’t mind me going through them. It’s incredibly self indulgent but also gives me an excuse to go through my old works.
From the very first hallie fic I ever wrote, how you wish it would be all the time:
“And Harry's not perfect. He's not what she wanted before this all started or even really after, but everything's different now.”
Sometimes I forget about this fic, but I really shouldn’t cause there is a solid chance that this was my peak. And this line is really fun.
From we kiss and we keep busy:
“The stars may have moved a little bit, but they’re still there, and they still look the same, and that’s good enough for her.”
I promise I’m not going through every hallie fic I’ve ever written but god I love this line.
From i saved a picture where your hair was braided:
“It’s late nights and long talks and video games and cookie dough. It’s almost kisses, then definite kisses, and then not wanting to wake up anywhere but his bed. That’s how she starts to fall in love with Harry Bingham.”
Just that last part. That last line. The rest is just there for some fun context. Fun fact: this entire little mini fic was a desperate attempt to stave off writer's block and is based entirely around that single line in the song Donna by the lumineers. Still had a lot of fun with it, though.
From remember it’s all pretend:
“He wonders when she’ll realise that this hasn’t been pretend for him in years. Probably never. (He’d still run away with her.)”
“In the back of her mind, Allie wonders why she didn’t try harder to stay with Harry, why now she can only seem to fall in love in front of a camera where there’s the promise of pretend.”
“She likes to think that they’re still friends, that they’re just friends who don’t talk anymore, two people who drifted because one couldn’t handle the idea of change.”
This fic has a million little bits that I love. I could literally go on forever. It’s just full of that mutual pining angst that I live for.
From but i close my eyes and i’m somewhere else:
“She did not mention this earlier because she was trying desperately hard to ignore it, but fuck, she’s really missed him calling her Pressman.”
“She wonders if Cassandra has any travel sized neck pillows.”
This fic is surprisingly good seeing as I don’t remember writing it at all. I was very much high on some sort of flu medication while writing this and I think that explains a lot about this fic. It’s fun, though. I really love the tone.
From the taste, the touch, the way we love:
“She starts to feel like she couldn’t avoid Harry if she wanted to (and somehow, as the days turn into weeks, she finds herself not wanting to more and more).”
“There’s saltwater in her eyes, hair, and mouth. Harry’s leaning back in it, floating. She is too. The water is blue, and warm, and the sky is clear. Sometimes his hand will grab hers just to pull her closer. When she thinks of calm, of happiness, and vacation, she’ll think of this moment.”
“They’re quiet for a moment. Maggie Rogers can be heard in the background, faded and slow. Harry’s tapping his fingers along to it on the wheel, eyes staring straight ahead. The road is lined with trees, and it all feels like home.”
“For a half a second, she thinks she loves him. She pushes that away and watches him throw wrapping paper behind him dramatically. She pushes it away and she smiles and she laughs and she tries not to think too hard about what all of this means.”
This fic definitely has its moments. I’m really excited to get the last part done and out, though. I just feel like I’ve spent too long on this fic. I want it done.
From i just wanna dance with you:
“Allie met Harry the same day Cassandra did. It was early in the morning and she was four and now, when she looks back, all she can remember from the moment is the vague outline of wild hair and a smile so bright and wide and carefree that it really can’t be anyone else’s.”
“She tries to remember that she likes skating with Will, that there’s no point in wondering what it’d be like if things were just a little bit different.”
“She lied earlier; gold, silver, bronze, doesn’t matter. Harry always looks good.”
“The first time he ever placed first in a competition, she was skating with him. He wonders how long he’ll associate the feeling of a gold medal around his neck with her hand in his. He hopes it’s not long. “
I’m so excited to finish this fic like you guys don’t even understand. It’s really fun and it feels easy to write (so far; knock on wood) and I love the concept.
What type of Hallie stories do you like to write/read?
I only write au’s just because I think the rules are little different, everything’s just a little bit more relaxed. You’re allowed so much freedom when it’s a completely different universe and I really love that. I went through a phase recently where I was obsessed with canon divergence and this whole idea of a history of contingency. Just there being these points or moments where if one thing was just a little different, everything would’ve changed. I love that and I think that’s really apparent in my drafts/ unreleased wips.
I’ll read anything, though. Especially with the Hallie ao3 page being so small. I do definitely have a preference still towards au’s, though.
How long have you been writing
For forever. As a kid, I’d fill up entire notebooks with story ideas. It was my favorite thing to do. When I was twelve, a teacher complimented my writing, and I think that really stuck with me. It’s just something I’ve always enjoyed doing.
Do you ever worry about how your stories are received
Not really. A little bit with multi chapter stories just because I really want every chapter to be better than the last. I just really don’t want to disappoint anyone.
What’s the hardest part of writing for you
The middle bits. I usually have a very clear idea of the beginning and end so it’s everything in between that I have trouble with. I think that’s why I’m so big on outlining.
Do you ever get writer's block and how do you deal with it
Oh my god all the fucking time! Right now, for example. Usually, I just try to work through it, especially if I have a project in progress. I also do a lot of reading to try to force some sort of inspiration. A lot of what I write is based on what I’m reading. I’ll also listen to music. And, recently, I’ve been making mood boards for my fics which has been so much fun. I really like looking at pretty pictures.
Biggest risk you’ve taken as a writer
Lol I don’t really take risks. I think the riskiest thing I do is post the first chapter of a story with none of the second chapter started. I do that a lot.
Favorite Hallie trope
Reluctant friends to very good friends to lovers. Also, living together without establishing a clear relationship. I write that a lot. Mutual pining is always fun too.
Favorite Hallie headcanon
That Harry calls Allie ‘Pressman’ which forces Allie to call him ‘Bingham’. I just think there’s something so fun about calling someone by their last name. Plus, then you get that moment when the first name is used and that gets to be significant. Oh, also that they both swear like sailors, but that’s mostly self-insert on my part.
This felt very self indulgent, but I hope it was at least somewhat enjoyable for someone.
I am forever waiting to read whatever @in-my-head-i-do-everything-right writes next. It was great to see some of the behind the scenes and I would definitely recommend her latest release cities you’ll never see on screen.
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2019 year in review
So… The 2010’s are almost over. Huh. What a decade it’s been. Hard to comprehend how much has changed in 10 years. I can barely believe that I was in high school at the beginning of this decade, and now I’m a college graduate with 2 degrees who’s been working at the same job for the last 3 years. But trying to summarize the past 10 years in a single post is a good way to give myself an existential crisis, so let’s not do that! Instead, let’s just focus on 2019 because there has been more than enough shit that’s happened to me in this year to talk about.
PART 1 OF 2: 2019 AND 2020 GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS
Huh, looking back through my archives, I apparently didn’t make a tumblr post about my goals this year. I definitely had some, though. Lemme list ‘em off real quick, and then we’ll go through them point by point.
1) Pay off all my student loans
2) Finish some song comics
3) Make art for my Redbubble account
4) Finish the first rough draft/script of a game I wanted to make
5) Practice ASL
6) Sew some stuffed animals
7) Finish some fan fictions
8) Work on Ghost Switch
9) AMVs
10) Do some original writing
11) Make illustrations for my fan fictions
Okay, first off, the student loans. I was actually SO CLOSE to successfully completing this one bUT THEN MY CAR HAD TO BE A WHINEY PISS BABY AND HAVE ITS ALTERNATOR DIE ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND THEN A BLOW OUT THREE WEEKS LATER.
GOD, if I had to summarize this year in two words, for me it would be “Car troubles”. I swear I spent more on auto repair in the first third of this year than I ever have just freakin’ OWNING a car. All four of my tires had to be replaced, my alternator failed and my car literally just SHUT OFF while I was driving, and I was barely able to coast into a gas station. Both my front breaks and rear breaks were worn down the metal and I only learned this when my car was barely able to stop after I had to slam the petal down full force! I went in for an oil change, and they found some problems and then I didn’t get my car back for three days! I don’t even like owning a car! I hate driving! I hate my country’s refusal to provide universal, free public transportation! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!
Oh-kay… number 2. Finish some song comics. I didn’t finish any. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t work on them. I have made tiny progress, but that’s certainly better than no progress. One of these song comics I hope to be realizes is going to be a collab with one of my friends. It’ll be a long-time coming as it’s pretty low priority for the both of us, but if anyone else out there was disappointed with KH3’s ending, we’re gonna have ya’ covered… With SONG!
3. Make some redbubble art. I actually did this one! Not in the way I expected, but I added (technically) 3 new designs to my redbubble in the middle of the year. If you like butterflies and dragons, I got some product for you~!
Number 4, finish a script for a game I want to make. I… thought about this. I thought about this a lot, but I never put pen to paper, so… oops. It almost happened! I debated making this my main writing project for NaNoWriMo this year, but ended up having more inspiration for another story. Maybe next year? (god, I hope not. I don’t want to wait a full year just to write something)
Number 5, practice ASL. I just straight up didn’t do this and I only have myself to blame. Still keepin’ up that Danish Duolingo streak, though. 4 years going strong and not a day missed yet.
Number 6, sew some stuffed animals. Again, another one I just straight up didn’t do, but I have an excuse of trying to save money while my car crashed and burned in every other sense except literal this year. Hopefully 2020 will be different. I’ll definitely be able to pay off this last loan within the first half of 2020, and then I can start saving for whatever I want to buy.
Finish some fan fictions was number 7, and I did this! Well, I only finished, 1, but it was a story I’ve been working on for over 3 years, and it came out to over 200 THOUSAND words long, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’m quite proud of myself. Now that the big story is out of the way, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of working on Ghost Switch, maybe I can squeeze in some short writing sessions more frequently. (either that, or just wait for my car to break down again and then go on a writing spree in a pepboys. The lord and the fan fic discord know that’s solely why I finished my other fic this year)
Speaking of Ghost Switch, working on it was a goal this year too, and I did that! I kept it up all year and took a vacation in November and it was wonderful. While the major plot points have been in place since before I started drawing, I still need to script each arc beyond Snowdin, but hey, by the time we get there, it’ll be 2022 so I got time. (Note, don’t do this, kids. Script your stories and comics thoroughly before publishing. The road I’m on is paved with misery and pain and it will only end in tears unless I change lanes soon)
Number 9, amvs. Do people make AMVs anymore? Idk… the last one I made was... Jesus, 5 years ago? (it was a gravity falls/fall out boy crossover, if you were curious) I’ve been wanting to do 2 more for just as long, but in order for me to do that, I’d have to spend time re-watching the shows to find the footage, and then actually edit them together, and I just don’t…. feel like it. Maybe someday, but not any day soon.
10; do some original writing. I did this! For nanowrimo! I wrote the first draft of some original fiction I’ve been planning for a year or two now and it completely sucks! But it’s on paper now and I’m happy. Will I revise and edit it? Sure, but not for a while. I want to let it sit and forget about it and look at it with new eyes months from now so I can be sure I can make it better when time comes to rewrite.
11, make illustrations for my fan fics. Now that You Monster is done, I want to go back and add pictures to it. I didn’t do any this year, but I did keep a list of scenes I wanted to draw, so I have plenty of ideas to do as warm up sketches next year~ I kinda want to stream them~
So, that was 11 goals, and I successfully fulfilled 4 of them! That’s! Not a very good ratio… QmQ So, goals for 2020. Some I’m gonna keep from this year, some I’m gonna drop and some I’m gonna add. In short I would like to,
1) Finish paying off that last student loan
2) Put more stuff on my redbubble
3) Illustrate my own fan fics
4) Sew at least one stuffed animal
5) Make an enamel pin
6) Read one new book a month
7) Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic
8) Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make
9) Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch
10) Boost my patreon
Most of these I think are pretty self-explanitory, but I’ll go into detail just a bit because I’m on a roll and typing my thoughts helps me feel less alone in the middle of the night when you’re super tired and you know you should probably go to sleep, but the toddler in you is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t wanna go to sleep just yet, but you can’t fight the progression of time either way.
Number 1- I should be able to reach this goal by the end of March. End of June at the absolute latest. Once that goal is met, my secret new year’s resolution will be unlocked as well!
Number 2- I want to put more art of my OCs on redbubble. These OCs are tied to the game I want to make. There’s already some art of them up there, but I want at least one piece for each character.
Number 3- Mostly for You Monster. Embrace the cardinal rule of fan fic and apply it to fan art. If you want to read about see art about certain ideas, scenarios, or what-ifs, you gotta make it yourself.
Number 4- I have 3 potential ideas to sew. One is definitely leagues easier than the other two and will probably be chosen if/when I have the time and materials.
Number 5- This year I got really, REALLY into the idea of making enamel pins. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big investment (like, $350 to make 100 pins you might not even sell). If this happens, it’ll probably be towards the end of the year, and if I get enough interest. I’m currently torn between making an original enamel pin and one based off Undertale. We’ll just have to see where this goes.
Number 6- Back in 2018 when I paid off one of my many student loans, I rewarded myself by spending over 200 dollars in used books. All these books had a theme; they were focused on dragons because I have a problem. I have not yet read a single one of these books I have bought, and I would like to fix that. I have, like, 20 unread dragon books, and even if I only read 12 out of 20, I would consider that an amazing accomplishment and money well spent.
Number 7- I currently have about 8 different WIPs I could work on. (well, I don’t know if I can even call them wips. More like, a general idea and a title written down.) I want to build good writing habits, and if I can write just 200 words a day, hell, even 200 words a week and just one of my 8 stories done, I would consider this goal met.
Number 8- I’m torn between making my game in unity or ren’py. I know jack shit about both. Ren’py is more user friendly, but unity will allow me more customization. (Lol, can you guess what kind of game I want to make yet?)
Number 9- I really just want the full story to be done and written incase anything goes horribly terribly wrong in my life and I find myself unable to continue making ghost switch in comic form. Then at least I can finish the story by other means, you know?
Number 10- It always surprises me every month when I get that patreon email saying I got paid. Sure, I don’t even make double digits on it, but it still awes me enough to know that people out there like my work enough to throw me a tip. I can’t thank my patrons enough for supporting me and I hope to one day be in such a good place I can update my comic/song comics/writing frequently enough without need for goals or milestones. But until that magical day arrives, money is always a great incentive for anything, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
ALRIGHT. PART 2 OF 2: SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2019
Cheesus crust what a year. This year started off great! Back in late January Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY released, and let me tell you a little story. Back in the summer of 2006 I was a 13 year old middle schooler with no way of making money other than by doing house hold chores at a rate of 25 cents a task. A few weeks ago, I had a sleep over at a friend’s house and they let me play this weird game called “Kingdom Hearts” and god, I was instantly hooked on it. That summer, I did over 800 chores, enough to earn myself 200$ and buy myself a playstation 2 (just in time for the ps3 to come out, gg me) The only games I had for the ps2 were KH1, 2, Re:CoM and Okami, and I beat them all… except Okami. Miffed that the PS3 wouldn’t allow for backwards compatibility, little 13-year-old me made a promise. I looked myself in the mirror and said “I will not buy the next playstation console until KH3 comes out, AND BOY that was probably a good choice for me to make with my level of gaming. I’m even less of a casual gamer than the average casual gamer, but I have been waiting 13 years for this piece of closure, and I even told my friends and family that “the day Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out is the day I will buy a playstation 4”. My dad apparently thought this was the funniest shit, because he literally took the day off from work that Friday to drive me on base to get the game and console (he thought it would be less crowded than a regular walmart, I suppose). I paid $400 on a ps4 pro while he bought me the game. Again, I have an impecible sense of timing seeing as the PS5 is now right on the horrizion, but just like before, I’m not buying a new console until the next KH game is released. See you in 2045, sony~. While I was at the gamestop on base, I also picked up Okami HD and The Last Guardian. For all of February and even early March, I took my time playing through KH3. And…! It was the best disappointment I’ve ever played. After a month away from gaming, I started The Last Guardian and finished it in a couple weeks. I love trico and would die for him, but trying to get 100% completion on that game is udder insanity. Okami, HD, however… again after a month break after finishing TLG, I started replaying Okami. I think I had only managed to get about halfway through the game before I just… stopped playing it on my ps2 version. I am currently SO CLOSE to getting a 100% on the ps4 version. In fact, I’ve beaten the game. I only (techinically) need 2 more trophies to be done; 1st, escape the water dragon without being eaten, 2nd, I need to beat that dumb stupid race with Kai, in order to get the last bead on my rosary, as well as the top dog trophy. I hate her so much. I hate this race so much. It’s awful and bad.
Flash forward to December! Earlier this month I was at Barnes and Noble, buying myself a planner for 2020. I exit the store and notice that there’s a gamestop across the street. For shits and giggles I go inside to look at their game selection, and I find KH 1.5 and 2.5. Now, my PS2 died a few years back (it just won’t read my discs anymore, I don’t know why) and I haven’t been able to replay any of my other kingdom hearts games since. If you had seen me the day I finished kingdom hearts 3, after the ending credits rolled, you would have heard me say “Man…. I wish I could play kingdom hearts 2 again”. AND NOW I CAN, ALONG WITH BBS which I had never even played yet, but knew the story of. I’ve restarted playing kh1, and I was so happy to hear that familiar music when I booted the game up for the first time. While at the game stop, I also picked up Rime and Tearaway, two games that had looked interesting to me. At the time of writing, I’ve finished Rime and am 25% done with tearaway. Rime was…. An interesting experience. I learned about it through Jacksepticeye’s channel a couple years back and thought the art style was enticing. For a super casual gamer like me, I found the puzzles just the right level of challenging and exploring was a blast! The music gave me VERY strong Princes Mononoke vibes, but the overall story left something to be desired. Overall I had fun, and enjoyed completing this game to 100%. Now for tearaway. Can I just say this game is super fucking adorable? I know the original was on the ps vita and the gameplay there was arguably more diverse and imaginative, but this game is just so fucking cute I don’t care?? ALSO, this game’s sound track is ABSOLUTELY incredible and I’ve only heard the first fourth of it! Listen to The Orchards, Pig Riding, and Gibbet Hill Pilgrimage for a taste of their wonderful beats and fantastic use of string and woodwinds! God, I’m so excited to get some more games in 2020. I’m proud to say I currently own more ps4 games than I ever did with my ps2 (and now the majority AREN’T Kingdom Hearts titles!), and I’m still hoping to play Journey, The Witness, and Abzu before everything becomes ps5.
What else happened to me this year. Oh, I went to a doctor for, like, the first time in seven years. I also had my blood drawn for the first time ever, and the nurse said the most disturbing thing to me while she did it. Now, whenever I get shots, I refuse to look. I did that here. So she thought it would be appropriate to say to me “Can you feel your blood leaving your body?” Lady… You can clearly see I am uncomfortable with what is happening here. Why, of all the things you could say, did you choose to say that. Unfortunately, while my doctor is nice, she keeps wanting to run tests on me, that I just cannot afford with my current salary, and my monthly insurance is about to go up to 200$ a month, so I’ve cancelled my next appointment with them, and don’t plan to go back until it’s absolutely necessary. Capitalism is fun, guys. Preventative healthcare is for wusses.
I started going to a chiropractor on a monthly basis. Story time- I don’t know when it started, but sometime late last November I began to notice that I had a headache that just... wasn’t... going away? And each day it was starting to get a little worse. It made it hard for me to find a comfortable position to sleep, it made it hard for me to be in bright areas or move fast. So I said to myself “Okay, if this headache persist through the month of december, then something is proooobably wrong and I should go see someone about it. And hoo-boy were thing wrong with me. By the time this January rolled around, I couldn’t even stay on my feet for more than a few hours without it physically hurting to just BREATHE. So I started going to this chain called The Joint (A+ name, I know). THey aksed me “How are you doing?” I said “I’m in pain” and they said “We can help fix that!”. I’ve only been to a chiropractor once before in my life a few years back after my freshmen year of college because I began to notice my hips weren’t able to support me? LIke, I would lie on my back, and I couldn’t push my hips up when my feet were flat on the floor. I also couldn’t climb anything steep, because my legs just couldn’t push me up if my knee had to bend more than 90 degrees when I lifted my leg up. (Turned out both my hips were apparently out of place). This time only one of my hips were out of place (which they fixed. they said one of my legs was an inch “longer” than the other because I had been leaning all my weight on one leg when I stand). But two of my ribs were apparently “Stuck” which was why it was hurting for me to just breathe, and one of my shoulders was missaligned too, causing one of my trap muscles to constantly be streched, which was pulling on my skull, and causing the headache. Anyway, after they popped all my bones back into place, I still felt terrible, but by god, that night was the first time in weeks I was able to sleep without a migrane. A chiropractor can’t magically heal your arthritis, or fibro, but I definately think they have merit to keeping your posture good and helping your body with things like circulation. 10 outa 10, would recomend. It’s all the fun of getting your neck snapped without the dying!
Earlier this month I got together with two of my friends and we baked Christmas cookies. It was a lot of fun, as well as a great learning experience. A member of my family has a gluten allergy, so we used rice flour for most of the cookies. We learned this is a bad idea! The cookies will just fall apart! A few member’s in one of the friend’s family have nut allergies. Other friend and I knew this and were careful to avoid cookie recipes with nuts, bUT THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT ALMOND MILK AND ALMOND EXTRACT COUNT AS NUT. IN FACT, ALMOND EXTRACT IS PURE CONCENTRATED NUT JUICE AND WE FELT SO BAD FOR ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY POISONING THE FAMILY.
Earlier this year me and these same friends took a field trip to Hobby Lobby and just dicked around the store for a couple of hours. It was super fun, 11 outa 10, would recommend, a great date idea for your artsy S.O.
Back in May I went to a wedding for the first time in my life. (well, not true, but the first one I could remember) we left at 5am, drove 5 hours to get there, hung out at a zoo and spent the night in a la quinta before the wedding day. I slept on the bathroom floor because my mom was snoring too loud in the main room and keeping me awake, and the rest of the day was just spent me trying to keep myself together because I was pissed off and tired.
Other than all of that, nothing really major happened to me this year. I guess one more thing I’ve tried to do this year is started the process of breaking certain internet addictions so I can use my free time for more personal projects. Seriously, I found myself watching way too much youtube and following blogs that didn’t even make me happy. I had a personal intervention with myself where I sat down and asked myself, “why do you watch these videos and youtubers? Why do you follow these blogs? Do you really enjoy their content? Do you really care? If you stopped watching/following them, would you even notice?” After critically thinking it over, I’ve found myself unfollowing several channels and blogs and suddenly I feel so much happier. I thought I would miss it, but I realized I didn’t really care if I saw their content or not. I wasn’t missing much. And now I feel like I have more time to draw, read and write. If you think you spend too much time consuming and not enough time creating, I suggest you try and de-clutter your internet habits as well. It’s done wonders to un-fuck my headspace.
And… well, that about sums up my year. How are your holidays going? Anything fun, exciting, dramatic happen to you this year? I hope your new year is warm and safe! Good night, everybody!
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I Believe | Park Jisung
Genre: floof, little smidge of angst
Word count: 2k
A/n: another part of the jb song series that I really liked writing!! I hope yall like it even tho it is a tad rushed and maybe corny 😔✊
Based off this jonas brothers song
You stood outside the door to the dorm of the boy you liked. He had asked you to come over and study with him for your chemistry exam. Finally, you worked up the courage to knock, but as you raised your fist, the door opened revealing a shorter boy with dyed orange hair. He exclaimed in an unhumanly loud voice, "Jisungie! Your girlfriend is here!"
You were quick to correct him, "I'm not actually his girlfriend." Your voice only came out in a whisper as the boy looked you up and down.
"I know that. I just like to tease him. Hi! I'm Chenle!"
"Nice to meet you. I'm y/n." You were able to project your voice this time, just enough to be audible for the orange haired kid.
"Aish, Chenle, quit bothering y/n! We are here to study, not talk to you. And don't you need to get to your class?" Jisung piped up from behind Chenle.
"Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me. See you again, y/n!" And with the last statement, he added a wink.
Jisung welcomed you into his dorm, pulling out his chemistry notes and books. You two studied for a while, laughing at the dumb mistakes you both made in each problem. "Jisung, you're so stupid. Glucose is C6H12O6."
"I know that. I'm just testing you to make sure you know that."
This went on like that for a while, Jisung's face slowly growing more flushed by each passing second. You're not sure when you got into the current situation or how. You're sitting on the couch next to Jisung, watching a drama. He was so focused on the show. You noticed the small pout on his lips and the small freckle just outside of them that enhanced the cuteness tenfold. You didn't realize how long you had been staring at him until he turned to face you. "Y/n, it makes me really nervous when you look at me like that," he admits.
"Oh, uh-" you stuttered, trying to explain yourself, but in the end, all you could squeak out was a small, "sorry."
"How would you feel if a really pretty girl kept looking at you?" He puts his hand to his mouth, mentally cursing himself for calling you pretty.
"Pretty?" You nervous laugh. "Sorry, it's just, I think you're really handsome." You're pretty sure that you just died saying that.
Jisung's face had never been redder in his life. He kept opening his mouth to speak but couldn't get out a sound. How is it that you fell for a boy who is shyer than you? Probably because he is really cute and sweet and one time you heard his laugh in chemistry class and it was the cutest thing you'd ever heard. "I like you!" You burst out, unable to contain your thoughts any longer. Ordinarily you were a very pensive person, carefully calculating everything you say and do. You don't know what compelled you to blurt out this confession in the spur of the moment. Perhaps it was the look on the boy's face sitting next to you.
He took several deep breaths and closed his eyes before turning to you. "I like you too. A lot actually."
"Finally!" You hear a familiar, loud voice announce from behind you.
"Chenle?! How long have you been sitting there?"
"Since you were staring at y/n before she was staring at you. It took you guys a lot longer than I expected to finally confess."
"And that means you owe me 10 bucks," another boy calls out from behind Chenle.
"Are they all here?" Jisung asks timidly.
"Yep!" Yet another boy confirms.
~that was how you scored Jisung as your boyfriend~
By now you've gotten to know almost all of Jisung's friends. They have an interesting relationship because there are several that are just older than him, but then older boys who act as parental figures. So far you've only been introduced to his peers. You don't know if you'll ever understand how it all works. Nevertheless, you befriend some of them as well.
Dolphin Lele: hey y/n! Wanna go get ice cream?
You: ofc! I'm already omw
Often times this makes Jisung a little jealous which is just a plus. He always looks extra adorable when he has his jealous pout.
"Y/nnnnnn," he dragged out your name cutely. "Why do always hang out with Chenle without me?"
"Sorry, Jisungie, we just went to get ice cream. Here!" You pecked him on the lips, effectively transferring some of the flavor of the treat you had earlier.
"Hmmm. Okay! I forgive you!" His smile made you feel so warm like nothing else could. Though, you were still to shy to tell him any of that yet.
~
You stood outside Jisung's dorm after he texted you to come over. From inside you could hear the voice of someone scolding him. "Jisung, don't you think you're a little young to be in a serious relationship like this?"
"I know I'm young, hyung, but that doesn't make my love any less strong," Jisung defended.
"You don't even know what love is! Just forget about y/n and focus on your work, okay?"
You had leaned up against the door to listen when you noticed the talking stopped. You jolted forward, uncontrollably as the door was swung open. "You must be y/n," the voice said. "You should really stop distracting Jisung from his job. He has work to do you know. You guys are too young to fully understand emotions anyway, so give it a rest will you?" The tall man smiled down at you in a belittling manner. He walked past you, revealing a watery eyed Jisung standing still, his only movements being the rise and fall of breathing. You could tell he was trying his best not to get upset. Tears began to well up in your eyes too. You were the cause of Jisung's scolding. Before he could see you, you took off out of the dorm as fast as your little legs could carry you. Through your blurry vision, you took out your phone to text him but ran into someone first. "Sorry, I wasn't looking."
"Y/n?" You heard Chenle's voice. "What's wrong?"
"Tell Jisung it's over. I'm leaving." The words were so painful to say. Your heart was being torn apart. If you continued to see the boy, he would continue to receive backlash from his hyungs, but it also killed you to leave him.
"What?! Y/n, what do you mean?" Chenle turned to go after you, but you were already gone.
~
[5:37 pm]
Baby chick 💚: y/n, where are you? Chenle just told me something's wrong.
[read 5:38 pm]
Baby Chick 💚: y/n pls respond!! I need to know you are okay TT
You: I'm safe if that's what you mean. You shouldn't contact me anymore. I'm sorry.
With that, you blocked Jisung's number. You sat alone in your dark room, all the shades closed to further enhance your sad vibes. You even went as far as to turn on your sad hours playlist and wrapped yourself in a fluffy comforter on your bed. That was the last thing you remember before you cried yourself to sleep that night.
~
You woke up to the nonstop noise coming from your phone. 23 missed texts from Jaemin, 11 missed calls from Chenle, and 7 missed texts from Renjun. That's when you realized you forgot to block all of Jisung's friends' numbers to. Oh well, there's nothing you can do about that now.
You slowly got out of bed and shuffled to your kitchen in search of some comfort food. Moving unhumanly slow, you found a carton of Jisung's favorite ice cream. You put it back in the freezer and settled for some shredded cheese.
You were most of the way back up to your room when you heard a knock at your door. However, you decided not to answer it. For some reason, you weren't particularly in the mood to talk to anyone. But the knocks didn't stop.
"Y/N! YOU BETTER OPEN YOUR DOOR RIGHT NOW OR I WILL BUST IT DOWN!!" Chenle's loud voice rang through your home. "I'M GONNA COUNT TO 3!" he added. "1!" You really didn't plan on moving from where you were until... "2!" you realized the door wasn't locked. "Th-"
And before Chenle could finish, Jaemin walked right in. "Thank you for that Lele, but the door was not locked." You felt a tinge of pity for Chenle because his heart was so big but he was also kinda dense. "Y/n, come on. We have somewhere to go."
"I'm not going anywhere. You guys should leave," you retorted, somewhat harshly.
"Then, please just answer your texts from Jisung."
"I can't," your voice was weak again. Much more faint than when you first met the boys because now it was almost pathetic.
"Well, then we'll have to take you."
"What?!"
Behind Jaemin followed some of Jisung's other friends, Renjun and Jeno. They each grabbed your arms, gently pulling you. "Hey, what do you think you're doing? You can't just kidnap me!" But the boys didn't let up at your protest. "Fine. I'll go," you huff. "But at least let me get changed out of my pjs first."
~
"No. Why are you guys taking me to the dorm? I don't want to see him."
"Cmon y/n," Chenle pleads. "He is not talking to any of us. He won't even leave his room."
Hearing about the boy you love's condition just makes you feel even worse. Nonetheless, you couldn't just abandon him. "Okay. I'll try to talk to him. But just so you know, if he gets more hurt by this, I will never talk to any of you again." You threaten the group, but none of them seem the slightest bit worried.
You knock quietly on his door. When there was no response, you weren't even sure he'd heard you. So, you knocked again only slightly louder.
"I already told you, Jaemin, go away. I'm not coming out right now." Despite his angry tone, you could hear the sadness in his voice.
"It's not Jaemin," you manage to whisper out. The door opened immediately to reveal a disheveled Jisung with puffy eyes.
"Y/n? What are you doing here? I-" he was cut off by you hugging him.
"I'm so sorry, Jisung. I saw you get yelled at and I even got told off, myself, and I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving you but now i realize that all I did was hurt you and-" it was his turn to cut you off. He kissed you softly as tears fell down both of your faces.
"It doesn't matter anymore, now I got you here with me. Nothing matters any longer, now I got you here with me."
"Still, you got in trouble because of me."
"Don't worry. Johnny didn't bother me."
"Don't try to be cool, Jisung, I saw you almost cry afterwards." You heard him gulp loudly. "So why didn't you listen to him?"
"'Cause you show me something I can't live without." He whispered in hushed tones, "I love you."
"I love you too," you choked out between sobs. "But what will the others say."
"Yeah, I know what they say, and that's fine. 'Cause I'm here to stay, through the good and the bad times."
People call you crazy and say you're moving too fast but none of that matters to you two. Who cares if youre still teenagers? You still love each other with all your hearts. And if someday you do fall apart, such is life. But for now, anyway, all you need is Jisung by your side and vice versa.
#nct#nct dream#park jisung#jisung park#jisung#nct jisung#jisung fluff#park jisung imagines#jisung imagines#park jisung fluff#park jisung angst#nct imagines#nct fluff#nct angst#jb song series#master tag
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once you get around to listening to lover what did you think !!! im v curious on your opinions about it heh
thank u for wanting my opinion. i thought i was gonna make it a brief review thingy but i cannot be brief for the life of me. i’m sorry. anyway,
i’mthankful it’s a long album because based on me! i knew i’d like it. not thatme! is a masterpiece or anything but it’s brighter and more fun than herprevious era which i Did Not like. i know reputation is, taylor swift history-wise, important. it’san album she did no press for and allowed the songs speak for themselves and i really like this idea and the sentiment behind it, i’m just Not A Fan of the execution. edgy taylor swift doesn’twork for me. don’t blame me slaps tho. i’ll probably compare these songs to alot of reputation, sorry.
anyway. loveris a more colorful album and probably my favorite pop album from ms. swift, i’m not good at like. Grading things so i won’t be like ‘this is a 8.5 kind of album’ cause like. i don’t know numbers? what you need to know is that it’s a good album. let’s gowith the tracks:
may i add that this is not coming from a taylor swift fan, however i have several friends who are into taylor swift so it’s hard not to get the slightest 2nd hand interest.
i forgot that you existed: was excited as soon as it started! theproduction is lighter and less dramatic. i feel like contrary to reputationwhere she was kind of obsessed with the people who hurt her and betrayed her inthe previous years, this song is a nice way of letting go. a nicer, yet stillkind of shady, revenge by being like. Oh. You Mean Nothing To Me Anymore.
fave lyrics: “it isn’t love, it isn’thate, it’s just indifference so.. yeah.”
cruel summer: the chorus…. amazing! i remember reallydisliking her reputation singles, especially “ready for it” because it was veryunnecessarily dark and, again – in my opinion – dark and edgy doesn’t work fortaylor swift. BUT, rfi had that chorusthat escaped the intense beats and kind of went back a little to her 1989 eraand it’s the one thing from the song that i actually tolerated. and i feel likeall of cruel summer is song that fits the melody of the rfi chorus better thanrfi itself. does that make sense?
fave lyrics:the entire bridge but especially: “i don’twanna keep secrets just to keep you” and “i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?”
lover: 11/10. fucked me the fuck up. it’s a song aboutlove that isn’t a still-too-fresh-and-uncertain love, or some angsty love. it’sjust love. she’s properly in love and is singing about it with somuch care and certainty. it’s a happy song about the one she loves and how could i hate it? bestsong in the entire album. probably my 2nd fave taylor swift song ofall time
favelyrics: “with every guitar string scar onmy hand” so much is being said in this one fucking line. i absolutelyfucking love it. the fact that this song was 100% written by her is a big plus.
the man: honestly was kinda stressed about the kind of discoursethis one could cause, especially cause of the lack of addressing the whitenessof it all but idk. this is her ownexperience so how much can we ask from her? and also in many ways this feels like 5years late but i’m not gonna complain about this. better late than never (andshe has addressed sexism in her songs before so it’s not like she’s just starting at feminism). she’s made severalpoints w this one and it sounds good.
favelyrics: the part where she’s like “what if i was bragging about the models i’mfucking?” cause like. girl is aware of aspecific group in her fandom and i appreciate the little nod (it being real ornot)
archer: love the lyrics. this was like. the 3rdsong from this album that she released and i was So Relieved to actually SEEsongwriter taylor swift coming through. it’s a great song about self hatred andreflection, etc. but i’ve listened to it enough times to know i’m gonna be skippingthis one when i’m listening to this album.
favelyrics: “screaming ‘who could ever leaveme darling?’ but who could stay?”
i think he knows: the chorus and her vocals… *chef’s kiss*. loveit. cute crush song. more mature yet fun style that works for her.
fave lyrics:all of the chorus.
miss americana: i get it, i see the politics of it all but. i’mgonna skip it. soz
favelyrics: “my team is losing, battered andbruising i see the high fives between the bad guys”
paper rings: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS. again, pure,happy, bubbly, unashamed love. a love bop that i adore.
fave lyrics:“i like shiny things but i’d marry youwith paper rings / i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this”
corneliastreet: it’s a nostalgic song that i can’t decide if it’s exactly abreak-up song or not. i like to think the “sacrednew beginning / that became my religion” lyrics are a nod to her bestreputation song aka don’t blame me. i’m so-so on this one but it’s definitely notbad, don’t think i’ll be skipping it for now.
favelyrics: “that’s the kinda heartbreak timecould never mend / (…) and baby i get mystified by how this city scream yourname”
death by a thousand cuts: eh? it’s nice and soft and sad-ish but. idk.not right now - since the album is still pretty fresh to me - but i’ll probablystart skipping this one eventually.
favelyrics: “you said it was a great love,one for the ages / but if the story’s over why am I still writing pages?”
bondon boy: i am so sorry for every londoner that had tolisten to this one. i could hear it being offensive as soon as she startedsaying those words. it sounds nice and fun but jesus christ taylor. it’s likesomeone from her label said “you gottamake it clear you’re fucking that joe dude or your album won’t sell” andtaylor immediately googled ‘british slang’ and wrote this song.
fave lyrics:“but something happened i heard himlaughing / i saw the dimples first and then i heard the accent” i’m asimple phannie. i hear the word dimples i think of dan
soon you’ll get better: bro. was not ready. you can hear thepain and fear in her voice. the chorus kind of reminds me of “never grow up”(aka my fave taylor swift song), etc. the sad, almost hopeless addition of “cause you have to” is so heartbreaking. it’sa personal and gorgeous yet sad song, and she goes back to her country roots for this one,so that’s nice. absolutely beautiful.
fave lyrics:hard to choose but “you like the nicernurses you make the best of a bad deal / i just pretend it isn’t real / i’llpaint the kitchen neon, i’ll brighten up the sky / i know i’ll never get itthere’s not a day that i won’t try” i hate, hate, the notion ofromanticizing a sad and scary situation like this one, and i think i understandthis as less of romanticizing and more of sympathizing with, cause i’ve alsobee in this situation with my family – but because it was just a few days agothat phil revealed his father’s battle with cancer, i couldn’t help but thinkof him too and how much he must have feared for his dad while still trying to keep it together for everyone around him.
false god: love the sax. i know i will fully love thissong at some point. i know it. i’m just not there yet. i like the parts when she has torush her words. i’ll get there with this one.
favelyrics: “they all warned us about timeslike this / they say the road gets hard and you get lost”
you need to calm down: fun, boppy, cute. i get what shewas going for and appreciate it. it’s a more carefree pop song and i’m okaywith it. not unskippable though.
fave lyrics:“and i ain’t tryna mess with your self expressionbut i’ve learned a lesson that stressing and obsessing bout somebody else is nofun”
afterglow: i don’t know yet. probably one i’ll skip. notbad, i don’t think there’s a song in this album that is necessarily Bad, butthis one is just not really memorable.
fave lyrics:don’t have one actually. soz
me!: definitely not a masterpiece BUT introduced usto this era which is probably her best pop era. i loved the absolute changefrom the reputation era, bringing back colors, bringing back fun, introducing amore politically active taylor swift, etc. i also like the idea that she knowsthat this is not her best work but she knew that if she was gonna make a catchyradio friendly pop song, she’d make one that’s about self love, etc.
fave lyrics: i’m a simple girl, “me e e e, o o o oh”
it’s nice to have a friend: this folk-y vibe? works? is thisfolk? sorry if im being dumb. but it has a lonely vibe, it’s kind of really sadin a way, but it’s lovely at the same time.
fave lyrics:“something gave you the nerve / to touchmy hand”
daylight: a song about letting go and forgiving herselffor her past mistakes and learning to focus on the good parts of her life, morespecifically her lover. like new year’s eve was to reputation, this is a nicesong to wrap this album.
fave lyrics:“you are what you love”
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6nin Eito, musically speaking
Disclaimer: this is a post based merely upon my own impressions after Gr8est August cons in Osaka, so please take it as it is ;)
I think I'm not the only one who actually wonders how it would/will be hearing 'old' Eito songs sung by 6 people instead of 7.
It's different for sure, because of course it's not just a matter of assigning or splitting Subaru's lines here and there. But it's honestly way better than I thought, even if you can hear that they will probably need some other time to adjust fully to the whole thing. Honestly speaking, who wouldn't?
I also wondered whether the front men would leave the 'Subaru spot' empty between Maru and Ryo or would rearrange it... they did. Now it's 3+3, with Ryo standing in the center, right before Ohkura's drums.
Also, each of them follows its own pace on music, hence a few flaws here and there that, I'm sure, will disappear little by little with time.
Ryo might have cried his sorrow and frustration during LIFE~me no mae no mukou e they last performed live with Subaru at Kanjam, but he's currently a very interesting newborn leader in training and he's just so. damn. good. and. cool.
He's as awkward as always during initial/final speeches, but he's so genuinely and brutally honest with himself, with members and with eighters, that I cannot help being so fond of this side of him, always.
His voice is a certainty, anyway. It's strong and clear, very beautiful and very powerful, soft and caring and sexy and hoarse when required. I felt it close to perfection almost. Of all members, so far he might be the only one with zero flaws when singing and playing his guitars (apart from the little cute moment when he was due to sing something -I guess some short Subaru's part-, and he kinda forgot he had to and he was caught off-guard on big screen with the cutest face ever 'oh shit, was it my turn?' XD).
Plus, give him a guitar and he won't be able to stay still on stage anymore. He walked around very often when playing, he even went playing behind Ohkura's drums spot when the stage moved forward during band session (Jukebox-like, if you remember) or to the lateral edges of the main stage.
I've never seen him smile and having fun around like he's done during this tour, not even last year during JAM.
He seemed very dedicated last year, while this year you feel like he wanna embrace every single eighter and tell them they're gonna be okay because they're taking care and rocking the best out of them, for the fans.
I'd dare say Ryo is 'ready', and Subaru probably realized this way long before him.
Had he not been suffering with pain for too long already, Yasu would be exactly at Ryo's level now. Mind, I'm not saying he's not, for you can tell there's almost no difference in skills between the two of them. It's just with Yasu being on semi-hiatus these last months, I guess he also had very little time to catch up with music rehearsals. In my opinion his voice isn't as smooth as Subaru's yet, but he's honestly improved a lot during the last years (we got to hear a lot more of both of him and Maru than in the past, in so many songs) and I reckon he could seriously outshine Ryo, with time.
He looks like a little hurricane.
In Osaka he was finally able to move slightly more than before, it seems, and he showed us that by being a totall badass with his guitar. He didn't refrain from rocking at his hardest, which is so damn good to see and to hear.
Also, he's totally not afraid nor scared of singing Subaru's most infamous and high-pitched lines (like in Omoidama, but not only), which is exactly what we do all need to move forward without forgetting anything of the past.
What else can I say? He already gave us proof of what it means being strong-willed, but this time, he's being on a totally another level of determination and, gosh. I'm so proud of him.
I'm also very glad he chose Watashi Kagami as his solo song for the Gr8est tour. It's so perfect in every possible sense, so beautiful and so moving.
Maru is the one who, together with Yasu, was assigned to sing most of Subaru's vocal parts with very high tones. Unlike Yasu, though, it sems like he's a bit 'afraid' of the task/legacy he's been given.
He's a pro at bass and we saw it once again this year; he's also very good at singing, as usual. I've always been persuaded that Maru probably has the most versatile of voices among Eito, he's capable of doing perfectly with different tones and music styles even though we probably don't notice it enough. However, whenever he sang during Gr8est, I felt like Subaru's absence hit him more than 'expected'. I think he might just need to gain a little more confidence in himself and refine his vocal extension just slightly here and there, because for sure he's already got all the vocal skills required to be a very good Subaru's offspring. I just hope he can let himself go very naturally and very freely, just like he does when doing gags XD
I cannot speak for Sapporo, Nagoya and the venues that are due to come, but in Osaka, Ohkura's voice was not okay. I don't know the reason why exactly, but it seems he's been having longtime problems with his throat for a few months already, and knowing him... well, tbh I cannot help but worry a bit. I really hope everything's okay with him, especially because he tends to worry about others (read: Yasu & members) and pretend everything's okay with himself even when it's not.
He couldn't manage to sing most of his highest tones, which to me is a pity because I totally love his crystal clear and melodic voice (I honestly fell for his voice first, long ago...) and, well, I have to say TORN and BJ are not the same without him being at his best ç_ç (I am also very very very much in love with the lines he sings in BJ). I'm not blaming him in any way, though... I'm just so proud.
And this does not mean he offered a lazy or poor performance, quite the contrary. Despite the sore throat, he never missed a line and even resolved in lowering the key enough for him to sing every single word till the very end. I could really feel he wanted to miss no word and no sentence at all. He put his everything in everything he sang, he was energetic and very genki, smiling all the time, clenching fists when the meaning of some song was too deep to let go, spreading his long arms as if to embrace the whole dome during Omoidama and so on.
So, what he lacked in voice, he put it as strength on stage, and when drumming. Just like Ryo, I've never seen him drum this strongly and powerfully before, not even last year during JAM. You could totally hear the sound of his drums stand over the instruments of every other member, and I was almost bewildered at what I was hearing. You could tell I'm biased saying this and I won't say I am not, but a friend of mine who attended the con and is totally NOT Ohkura biased told me the very same thing when we re-united after the con. We had totally different seatings also, yet we shared the very same impression about Ohkura's drumming. Which is just... freakingly impressive. I swear. He was the only one who performed sleeveless during band session and that's for the best, because when hitting his sticks on drums he looked like he was, I don't know, going to build the new Kanjani8 out of his determination only, almost. Which is so good, but hopefully, he's not alone in this.
His speeches were also very long and pretty impressive. He's the youngest, but it's as if he's walked longer and faster in order to keep up with his bandmates, hence gaining some personal and professional maturity I'm very very very very proud of.
Yoko and Hina are some other good certainty. They've never stood out for their musical ability, but no one ever questioned Shingo's at his keyboard either, luckily. One of Hina's arm was raised up to cheer on Eighters more often than not, just like he did last year and at Metrock.
Yoko was slightly nervous when he performed with his trumpet, as if it was his first time, but vocally speaking he showed no tremor at all, even if maybe he'll need some time in order not to be so shy when singing alone. Honestly, I do really love Yoko's voice, and I'd love to hear him even more and being more confident about himself in the future. He took up his trumpet just for Eito's sake after all, and he would have never done nor made it in any other group but this, because they love each other. Bless Eito always.
I think that Yokohina got to sing together some Subaru part... I cannot remember when or how exactly (maybe I am wrong?) but it was very cute to hear.
If Metrock and JAM showed us how much Kanjani8 have improved as a band, Gr8est does confirm us that musically speaking they're good at it and pretty balanced even with six members, even with re-arrangement of so many songs having been done in such a tight schedule and harsh conditions.
Given these premises, I look forward to see what the future will bring us with their next works; 'Koko ni' as their first new single as 'new group' already proves they're capable of handling a lot. I have faith they can manage even more.
Hearing them when performing live is a blessing and it seriously makes you think that no matter the hardships, they can overcome everything and we can, as well; this is basically unchanged from before and I'm so happy that, among the setlist, LIFE is there. The first song of their 'band way' back in 2010, the last one they performed together with Subaru, the one whose lyrics talk so much about Eito's story, the very same one that will always be their own song, more than any other one. Oh no, it's not over yet ♥
#gr8est#report#my poor feels#SO PROUD OF MY BABIES#eito#kanjani8#yasu is precious#life me no mae no mukou e
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hey so, i really enjoyed the imagine you wrote and i would like to request one as well, if you want to write it; ive been listening to the song lost in japan by shawn mendes and thought about andi (bc what else do i think about lately, nothing) maybe you can come up with something for that. i know this is really vague, sorry. (also i kinda hate the y/n thing, can you just pick a name, its less awkward to read) okay, thank you so much if you wanna give it a try 💜
It`s only been like 10 years since I got this request lmao. This has actually been done for quite a few days now, I`m just getting really bad at posting. So yeah this is kinda based on the song Lost in Japan by Shawn Mendes. Anyway, enjoy!
Andreas Wellinger Imagine ~ Lost in Japan
I couldn’t wait to see her in Sapporo. My best friend hadbeen working in Japan on her placement year for over six months now and Ihadn’t had an opportunity to see her since then. Ella and I have been friendssince we were kids. We grew up as neighbours and throughout all these years wemanaged to grow such a strong, unbreakable bond. So many times our friendshiphad been put to a test, but no problem matters when you realise how much you care forsomeone.
Ella was coming to the competitions in Sapporo, we had itplanned for a few months now, so both of us were extremely excited. Thecompetitions in Russia had just finished for us and until the whole team wouldhead to Japan, it was still quite a few days.
One night, I decided to finally free up the storage on myphone as the constant notifications about it being full, were driving meabsolutely insane. I went straight to my gallery and I deleted a fewscreenshots which I was sure would not longer be needed, but somehow I gotblown into a folder where I kept pictures of all Ella’s and my adventures fromquite a few years back. The smile on my face was present the whole time to thepoint where my cheeks began to hurt and my eyes started tearing up.
My soulmate was thousands of miles away and I couldn’texplain in words how much I missed the sound of her voice live, or how much Iached for her cuddles whenever I felt down. She always knew what I needed andshe tried to give her all to me even from the other side of the world, but asselfish as it sounds, it just wasn’t enough for me. So that’s when I got acrazy idea. I wanted to see her and I wasn’t willing to wait for it any longer.
I clapped my hands, smiling at my laptop screen which confirmedmy flight for tomorrow morning. I would be landing in Tokyo in the evening and Iplanned on making my way straight to the apartment she was staying in. I wasthankful that I sent her some things through the post before, so I knew herexact address. Now, I was only hoping she would be happy to see me earlier thanplanned.
I headed to my coach’s room to inform him about my earlydeparture, when I explained why, Schuster was surprisingly understanding and hetrusted me enough to continue training on my own and then join in with the teamonce they arrive.
After saying a quick goodbye to my teammates, I returned tomy room. There was nothing left for me to do besides packing and booking myselfa hotel in Tokyo, just in case Ella didn’t want me staying with her, which Ihighly doubted, but I’d rather be safe.
That night I fell asleep with a huge smile on my face.Although, it was very difficult for me to fall asleep because of how excited Iwas. I felt like a little kid. I just couldn’t get her off of my mind, nomatter how hard I tried.
The next morning I checked my phone after waking up, justlike I usually do. Seeing the daily ‘good morning Milka’ text on my phonescreen, I smiled. It never failed to put a smile on my face. I typed out aresponse, before setting my phone down and hopping out of bed. I wasn’t amorning person, but today wasn’t just a normal day, so it wasn’t as much of aneffort.
Before I knew it, I was on the plane to Tokyo. Therealisation seemed to hit me all of a sudden and I exhaled a happy sigh. Just afew more hours and I would finally get to see her beautiful smile and hold oneof the most important girls in my life. My head wandered over to thinking abouthow the dark haired girl would react to seeing me. A huge part of me was sureshe would be just as happy as I am, but a small part of me didn’t want to bedisappointed if she wasn’t.
I tilted my head from side to side, trying to crack my achingneck. Let’s just say I didn’t fall asleep in the best position, but that nolonger mattered when my taxi pulled up outside of the building Ella lived in.
I thanked the taxi driver after paying him and I got out ofthe car. I looked up at the tall building, while dragging my suitcase behindme. A million sentences were running through my head that I wanted to say toher as soon as I see her. I glanced around as I stepped into the reception,this place looked much fancier than she explained.
I smiled at the woman behind the reception counter and I justcontinued walking to the lift. I fixed my hair in the mirror, noticing howhappy I already looked just from thinking about Ella. The door opened and Ileft the lift, searching for the right door number.
I stopped walking right in front of Ella’s door. I stared atit for a few seconds before I dared myself to knock. Nothing. My heart sank alittle, why didn’t I think about this. She didn’t have to be at home, I couldbe here waiting for hours. I am such an idiot. I quietly groaned to myselfbefore knocking again.
“Oh crap… One second!” I heard the beautiful voice call outfrom inside the apartment and my heart started beating much faster. Open thegoddamn door Elle, I thought to myself, growing really impatient.
I heard the key turn from the inside and the door was quicklypulled open by my best friend with a towel on her head. She only stuck out herhead, but her jaw fell and her eyes almost popped out when she saw me. All thewords I wanted to say suddenly left my head and I was no longer capable ofspeaking.
The girl rushed over to me, squeals leaving her mouth. Herarms wrapped around my neck so tightly, I was sure she almost pulled a musclein my back. I wasn’t complaining. My arms swiftly wrapped around her waist andI picked her up, holding her as close as possible.
“You can’t just turn up to my door like this Andi!” Ellachocked out, which immediately made me pull back to look at her face. Worryrushed over me as I noticed the tears running down her face. “You don’t knowhow much I missed you. I can’t believe you’re here..” She whispered, snifflingquietly with a huge smile on her face. She pulled me back into a hug and Iclosed my eyes.
I missed this content feeling. “I missed you so much angel,”I whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her head as I carried her throughthe door. I let her down gently and I went back for my suitcase, closing thedoor behind me. Ella was still staring at me in awe, as if she was worried itwas just her imagination and I would disappear in a second.
“What are you doing here?” She asked, strolling up to me andhugging me once again. It only just came to my attention that she was onlywearing a bathrobe.
“Interrupting your shower, apparently.” I chuckled, glancingdown at her, she laughed and playfully pinched my side. Her laugh was music tomy ears. “I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to come here to see you,” Iadmitted after a moment.
“I’m sorry, give me five minutes and we’ll talk,” Ellasmiled, still wiping at her eyes. The girl disappeared into her room and Idecided to take a look around her apartment. I instantly spotted a frame withmultiple pictures inside it, hung up on the wall above the fireplace. A cheesysmile crawled onto my face as I saw most of the pictures were ours, right fromwhen we were little, to just last year. I saw this girl growing into such abeautiful and smart woman.
I flinched at the feeling of something touching my back andshoulder, but I quickly realised it was just Ella, trying to cuddle me frombehind. A small laugh escaped my lips and I let her cuddle into my body.
“I hope I didn’t ruin any plans you had?” I sighed quietly,biting down onto my lip.
The girl looked up at me with an amused expression on herface. “You know fully well that I would cancel any plans for you… That’s if Ihad any in the first place.” She surprised me with her words, positively ofcourse.
Ella pulled away from me and she started messing with herhair, I watched her with a smile, but a part of me felt like her sudden changein behaviour had a reason behind it. I was correct.
“Andi.. Can we go for a walk?” She asked in a soft tone, hereyes pleading me to agree.
I instantly nodded my head. I’d love to see more of Tokyo andI hoped I’d get to find out what was bugging my best friend. “Of course, butare you feeling okay?” I questioned worriedly.
I received a single nod and she smiled. “I think so. We willsee.” She laughed while grabbing her purse. She took my hand and I followed herto the door without any further questions.
The majority of the walk consisted of us talking abouteverything that had happened in the past few months that she had been away for,although, we already knew everything since we talked almost everyday over thephone.
It was already dark, but in my opinion that only made thecity look even more beautiful. We eventually came to a stop at bench when thedark haired girl mentioned that she wanted to sit down for a moment. We sat incomplete silence, which was never an issue as we where both comfortable withit, but Ella kept opening her mouth and closing it like she wanted to saysomething. She nervously rubbed the palms of her hands together and I shook myhead.
“Just say what’s on your mind El.. I may not have seen youfor a while, but I can still tell when you need to get something off of yourchest,” I sighed, looking into her eyes. I could see how difficult it was forher, she looked up at the sky before squeezing her eyes shut.
“So, I was going to tell you this in Sapporo, but you’re herenow and I can’t pretend that things are the same…” She mumbled and I began to grownervous myself. “I’m sorry Andreas, but I’m in love with you,” her voice wasshaky yet somewhat stern.
My mouth fell open and stared at her, completely stunned byher words. “You what?” I eventually muttered.
She was clearly frustrated as she ran her hand roughlythrough her hair before raising to her feet at a rather quick pace, whichalmost made me jump. “Look, I was thinking a lot and I realised that how much Imissed you wasn’t normal. I miss you more than anyone, I think about you morethan anyone, I can’t live without you-,” her words were sweet, but her tonemade it seem like she was yelling the worst abuse at me so I did the firstthing that came to my mind and I would be lying if I said I have never thoughtabout doing this before. I raised to my feet, gently cupped her face into mylarge hands and I kissed her as hard as I could.
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