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#no hope that i'll be ok. that the surgery will go ok. no hope that i'll ever get to move away from here

crispin-kreme · 4 months

Text

the fear of loosing you ; zayne (love and deep space)

synopsis: you are rushed to the emergency room after suffering from a fatal injury from your mission, and this is not how zayne wanted to see you– not in the emergency room.

genre: angst, fluff at the end

pairings: zayne x gn!reader

warnings: mentions of blood and hospital setting, cursing (not so sure), grammatical errors

note: this is so rushed-LOL AHSHHAHA ok enjoy this is so ass but i love zayne sm THIS IS LONGER THAN I EXPECTED SO I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE WILLING TO READ THIS 🥹

tagging : @shikamiru <3

"clear!"

"page dr. zayne!"

"should we really- he'll not be able to handle this professionally seeing that his partner is the patient here"

"he's a professional! what do you mean?!"

the nurses whispered around, contemplating if they'd page dr. zayne. they weren't sure if he was going to lose it if he saw you in this emergency room. the room was filled with tension and stress. dr. greyson now raises his voice "just page him now! y/n's heart will fail at any moment now. they're losing a large amount of blood." he commanded.

dr. greyson needs to stop the bleeding as well but he needs zayne to take over with compressions.

"what seems to be the–"

his eyes, filled with shock. his breath hitches. zayne, for the first time, maybe in his life, he goes blank. he feels faint. he sees you on that hospital bed bleeding out. he sees dr greyson doing the compressions and other nurses helping him.

"zayne, get in here now!" dr. greyson grunts out. "i'll stop the bleeding. take over first with compressions" he adds. zayne rushes to take over "she needs a blood transfusion." zayne says, trying to keep calm. he grunts as he presses on your chest harder, trying to resuscitate you. zayne watches how your pressure is going down through the monitor.

he tries to keep his tears in "c-come on now." he grunts. zayne does his compressions harder until he feels your ribcage breaking from it. this was normal- he felt this most of the time but it was disturbing for him to feel it when it came to your body. that's when his tears fell. "hold on please" he whispers.

dr. greyson is able to prepare you for surgery. "zayne, can you do this operation?" dr greyson asks. but zayne kept going with compressions. "zayne, you'll break her ribcage even more." dr greyson says.

"zayne, snap out of it!"

he stops the compressions as they hook you to some life support. zayne looks at dr greyson, teary eyed. this was the first time someone has seen him like this. he was stressed, he was scared to lose you. dr greyson sighs "you're stressed. you won't do this srugery." he tells zayne. zayne feels his stomach churning as he sees you almost covered in blood.

zayne stays silent and there was no time to lose. dr greyson goes to the bed you lie at and readies you to go to the operating room. "let's go!" dr greyson commands. zayne watches them bring you to the operating room. he stays silent as he stood in place. he felt tears coming out of his eyes. he was deeply frustrated, he couldn't lose you.

zayne was pacing around his office. as it was already in the middle of the night, he wonders why the operation is taking long. suddenly, the door of his office opens and he stops at his tracks. it was dr greyson. he looks at the dr greyson, hoping for good news.

"how did the surgery go? are they well?" zayne asks hastily. dr. greyson sighs "it was complicated- they lost a lot of blood but they're alright now." he explains. zayne's eyes were filled with worry when he heard that it was complicated.

"what about their heart? their lungs?" he asks again, voice filled with worry. he remembers your injury from fourteen years ago, where you suffered a fatal injury as well. it affected your evol and your lungs (and so as your heart). dr. greyson sighs "zayne, they're alright. y/n's alright, okay?" he says.

dr. greyson speaks once more "i was hoping that you would do their post operation check." he says. zayne nods with no hesitation. "but may i see them already?" zayne asks. dr. greyson nodded "yes but- you have to rest. you've been up all night." he tells him. zayne shook his head "i'm used to it." he says and hurriedly leaves his office.

zayne walks to your room where you're confined. he feels his stomach dropped when he sees you. you were still unconscious, under the influence of the anesthesia and your body recovering. he rushes to the seat next to the hospital bed and he sits down.

he only stares. until tears fell from his eyes.

"i told you not to attend that mission. it would be bad for your health." he mutters under his breath. he wipes his tears. zayne stands up and leans in to give you a kiss on your forehead. "i shall be here when you wake up. get some rest, my love." he whispers, trying not to cry again.

did he go home? no. he stayed at his office, waiting for a page from the nurses that you've woke up or waiting for the sun to rise so he can check up on you.

his morning rounds came and he didn't get the slightest blink of sleep. zayne enters your room and you were still unconscious. he does his usual work. he checks the iv drip, he checks the heart monitor, and he checks your vitals.

zayne only sighs and sits on the chair that was beside your bed. he strokes your hair slowly, "you seem to be having a good sleep." zayne remarks. he couldn't help but tear up again. he sighs and takes his glasses off as his tears fell down again. he gently grabs your hand and holds it to his cheek.

he sinks into the warmth of your palm. his tears were still cascading down his face. "please wake up." he says, almost pleading. he stays in silent sobs. "i don't think i can handle a day with you like this." he says in between sniffles.

you feel his tears on your palm. you stirr in your sleep like state. zayne notices this and puts your hand down but still holding onto it. he watches your eyes flutter.

everything was a blur to you but you see zayne beside you. you squint your eyes for a bit "z-zayne?" you called out. zayne is overjoyed, he really is.

and he shows it- this was rare of him. he wanted to burst out in tears again. "oh god- y/n? you're awake" he says. you nod at him. zayne comes closer to observe you. "i-it hurts." you stuttered out. he nods at you "i know, i know. but you're okay now. everything's alright." he says in a hush tone.

you noticed how puffy his eyes were and how tired looking he was. "zayne, i'm alright." you said to him with a smile. your hand went to zayne's cheek once more. your thumb brushes his face. he feels this again "i thought i would loose you." zayne says as he closes his eyes, feeling your warmth again.

"i'm not going anywhere." you tell him "i love you." you blurted out.

he opens his eyes and looks at you lovingly, "i love you too."

#love and deep space #love and deep space imagines #love and deep space imagine #love and deep space x reader #love and deep space fluff #love and deep space angst #love and deep space zayne #zayne

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haerin1 · 7 months

Note

This is like suuuppeerrrr silly but i just thought about it >.<

Scara with reader thats on her period

her randomly approaching scara and cupping his cheeks, then proceeded to sob about how pretty he is!!

Just wanna know how he would react and how he would calm her down 🥰

Could be modern or canon au‼️‼️

꒰ఎ ♡ ໒꒱ MY LOVE, MINE ALL MINE.

note: ty for the req !! i hope its ok that i did afab reader, pls enjoy !! :3

[modern au!scara x afab!reader] super fluffy and cute, scara teases a lot, period is mentioned !!

It's a peaceful Saturday night in Scara's shared dorm with his friend, Heizou. You practically live in their dorm at this point because your clingy boyfriend makes you stay so he can see you all the time.

Heizou and Scara are casually playing video games together in their beds when he picks up a sound coming from the bathroom. Scara puts his phone down and sits up from where he was previously laying down.

He remembers you mentioning you were going to go pee but it's been, what, seven minutes now?

Heizou, not looking up from his phone as Scara starts walking to the washroom, mutters, "Need to take a piss again?" Scara rolls his eyes in response. He runs a hand through his soft but messy, dark indigo hair as his other hand lifts up to knock on the bathroom door.

"Open up, it's been a year already," Scara grumbles.

He leans against the door, pressing his ear to the wood as he waits for a response. Scara hears you approaching the door and he steps away. You open it and his brows raise in surprise at the sight of your teary face and the pout on your lips.

"Scara..."

You cry out and throw yourself against him, tightly clinging onto your bewildered boyfriend as you whine, "Why are you so pretty!? It's so unfair!" You sob out, "You have perfect, soft and clear skin and the most gorgeous eyes ever!" You continue sniffling, your tears staining Scara's sweatshirt.

Scara pauses before chuckling a bit, still visibly confused. "What's up with you, idiot," he mumbles, looking to the side as an embarrassed gesture before looking back at you, where you're now hiding your face in his sweatshirt as you cry.

"You're so perfect... whyyy!?"

You cup Scara's face, bringing him up/down (height neutral) to meet your gaze as you frown, "Promise me you won't ever get plastic surgery or... or, or a buzzcut," you sternly say, furrowing your brows together to show Scara you were dead serious.

Scara scoffs, deadpanning at you as he says, "You know I'll never get a buzzcu-" You pinch his cheeks and grumble, "Just promise me!"

Scara winces in pain and sighs, "Okay, okay... I promise I won't get plastic surgery or a buzzcut. Are you happy now?" You pause, squinting your eyes as you look him up and down before nodding. "Mhm..." You wrap your arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"You can let go now..." The faintest of pink dusts his fair complexion as he glances elsewhere. Scara hovers his hand over your head before patting your hair as an awkward attempt of comforting you.

"You're on your period, aren't you?"

You just nod against his sweatshirt, sniveling softly. Scara rolls his eyes, before he smirks slightly. "What would you do without me? C'mon," He gently wipes the tears from your cheeks with his thumb, mumbling, "You're ugly when you cry."

You huff, "Shut up." Scara chuckles, "Just for the time being. Let's go to my car, I'll bring you with me to buy you some things from the grocery store." At that, you smile in content and cling to Scara like a puppy to its owner as he leads you to the front door of the dorm.

Heizou sits up in his bed, complaining, "Hey, you better get me buldak noodles!" Scara snarls, "This is not an invitation for free things; Only my (s/o) gets that luxury." And he shuts the front door, bringing you along and leaving Heizou in a ticked off mood.

As Scara drives, he keeps one of his hands on the steering wheel and the other one on your lap as you look out the window. He lent you his favourite Artic Monkeys sweatshirt that he was wearing earlier to warm up your stomach and ease down the cramps. He subtly glances at you every so often.

Scara parks into the lot of the grocery store and unbuckles his seatbelt. Before you know it, he's already at your side, opening the car door for you. Shortly after, Scara's pushing the shopping cart, grabbing random snacks he knows you like and puts them in.

"You like this flavor, right?" Scara mumbles, holding a ice cream tub in his hands and inspecting it. You nod, smiling. As Scara places it in the cart and starts pushing it again, you giggle, "My boyfriend's so cute, I might as well cry again."

Scara hisses, "Not in public. I won't hesitate to act like I don't know you." You know he's joking, but you pout and give him pleading puppy eyes as he brings the cart towards the self checkout area. Scara grimaces before sighing as he starts scanning the items, "Whatever..."

You hum in satisfaction and enjoy the sweet warmth of his sweatshirt as he pays for the things and carries the bag, holding your hand with his free one as the both of you leave the store.

You both stay in the car instead of going back to the dorm, snacking on the food Scara bought for the two of you (mainly you) to enjoy together.

"Feeling any better?"

Mitski's new album plays on the car's speakers as you and him eat Pocky sticks. You nod with a smile, "Mhm. I can't thank you enough, cutie." You give him a quick, but meaningful, kiss on the cheek before continuing to chew on your Pocky stick.

Scara lets his Pocky stick rest in between his teeth as he looks at you for a few moments before asking, "Wanna do the Pocky challenge?" You perk up in surprise from his sudden proposal, but you'd never turn down a bold game like that.

You laugh, "Is this just an excuse to kiss me?"

Scara rolls his eyes, "Even if it was, would it matter?" He places his hand on your cheek and starts biting on his end of the stick. You bite the other end, and this process repeats until finally...

His soft lips gently press against yours, his hands on the back of your neck to close the distance completely.

Mitski's My Love Mine All Mine gets to the chorus at the most perfect timing possible.

You felt like the most loved and treasured person on Earth during this very moment as your (somewhat) sweet boyfriend kissed you in his car without a care in the world. Scara loves you so dearly, even if you cry over the littlest things during your period...

🐾🍫🍮 : © haerin1 (do not translate, steal or take too much inspo from my works)

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forever-rogue · 2 years

Note

ok so maybe Steve's at work doing his nurse thing when who shows up in the emergency room and didn't even call to tell him that she was hurt? his favorite girl, that's who.

hmm?

AN | More Nurse Steeb!🥺🥺 This can be read as a companion piece to this, but also as a stand alone!

Warnings | Mild Language

Pairing | Nurse!Steve x Fem!Reader

Word Count | 2k

Masterlist | Nurse Steve, Steve, Main

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You were dreading this moment. You really, really didn't want to be here. The temptation to just turn and run away was so high. It would have been so easy to just leave and go home…but the shooting pain in your arm told you that was an even worse idea.

The hospital was big…so maybe you wouldn't see him at all. Right? Right. Or that's what you were hoping for. The odds really were slim to none and yet… Maybe you didn't even need to go to the ER. Maybe you could just call and schedule a regular appointment with your doctor…

"Fuck," you sighed heavily as you looked between the entrance and your car. You had to do it. There was no way you could get out of this one.

Trying to collect your remaining dignity, you walked into the hospital and up to the counter. The woman behind the screen looked at you for a moment, recognizing you but not quite placing it.

"I-I think I did something to my elbow," you explained, tears already welling up and threatening to run down your cheeks, "I fell and it's stuck at this weird angle and I couldn't move it. Every time I try it hurts so bad."

She peeks over the counter before noticing the odd placement of your left elbow, "oh dear. Well, we'll get you right in with the doctor. First, let me get your name please."

You nodded and told her your first name and hesitated for a moment. She waited for you to go on and you sighed before giving her your last name, "Harrington."

And…realization hit her. She knew exactly who you were. You, him, and the disgustingly cute story of how you'd met in that very ER were well known around the hospital. You gave her a sheepish smile as she scribbled a few things down, "go ahead and take a seat. I've got everything here, honey."

"Thank you," the older woman's gentleness already made you feel better, despite your current predicament, "and umm…could we not tell him yet? Or at least don't put me in his wing?"

"I'll do my best," she promised with a knowing wink. You nodded softly before padding over to one of the stiff plastic chairs, careful not to irritate your arm further.

A heavy, tired sigh escaped your lips as you closed your eyes for a few moments of solace from the piercing fluorescence of the hospital lights. A dumb little part of your brain even dreamed that maybe you'd get home without him knowing anything.

Doubtful.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Well," the doctor, an older man with a calm aura - which did nothing to help your nerves - was almost silent as looked over your x-rays and studied the findings, "you've got yourself a dislocated elbow."

"No," you groaned as you looked at the ceiling. How could you be this clumsy and unlucky?

"Yes," he pointed at your arm, still stuck at an awkward angle as if to prove his point, "and that is nothing to scoff at."

"Umm, how do I fix it?" you asked softly, trying to ignore the throbbing, "can it be fixed?"

“Oh yes,” he seemed unphased by your question, as your panic had increased, “most of the time it can be corrected without surgery-”

“Without? S-so you mean you there’s a chance I would need surgery?” your lip trembled with effort as you tried to cry, “what are the odds?”

“The first thing I’m going to do is to try and set it back into place and then we’ll immobilize the arm for now,” he looked up at you for a moment and saw the distressed look on your features, “meaning you’ll be in a sling for some time. It’s imperative that you keep as still as possible for now. In a few weeks we’ll see how it’s setting and how your range of movement is. And onto physical therapy.”

“Physical therapy?” alright. This had to be some sort of cosmic joke. The last time you were in the ER was when you’d broken your ankle a few years ago. That had almost ended up with surgery and absolutely had required physical therapy, “oh.”

“It’ll be okay, Mrs. Harrington,” he insisted, “I’ve seen these before and while inconvenient, rest assured you’ll make a full recovery.”

“I-”

“I’ll send in the nurse and have them set you up with a sling and the dos and don’ts and talk to you about painkillers,” he gave you a pat on the opposite shoulder, “I’ll see you back in about two weeks. Any questions you have the nurse will be able to answer.”

“Okay,” you nodded and slumped your shoulders as you watched him go. Steve was going to lose his mind when he saw you, “fuck me.”

After a few minutes of terse silence, a few gentle knocks came at the door. You confirmed they could come in and regretted your decision as soon as you did. It wasn’t just any nurse that happened to be assigned to you. It was your husband.

“Steve?”

“Baby?”

“I-” he’d all but dropped your charts and came over to you, his hands finding your face as he studied you. He’d read over your chart to read the doctor’s diagnosis, but had neglected to read the name. Otherwise he would have known it was you. As soon as you looked in those big, soft eyes all the unshed tears rolled down your cheeks, “I-I fell.”

“Honey,” he closed his eyes and let out a small sigh, whether of stress or relief you weren’t sure. He tenderly brushed away your tears before placing a kiss to your forehead, “it’s okay. I know it hurts, but don’t cry…please. I’ll take care of you. I’ll make it better.”

“It hurts so bad, Stevie,” you wanted nothing but for him to wrap you up in his arms, but were also terrified of hurting your arm further, “I’m so stupid, ‘m sorry.”

“You’re not stupid and there’s nothing to be sorry for,” he gently shushed by putting a finger to your lips, “I’m glad you came in, okay? I know how stubborn you can get, my clumsy girl. But I’m here to take care of you.”

“I asked them not to send you,” you sniffled, laughing ever so softly as he shook his head in amusement. He tutted, but it was nothing but warm and affectionate, “didn’t want you to worry or panic.”

“It is my job to take care of you,” he insisted softly, “both here in a professional capacity and everywhere else as your husband and best friend. Will you tell me what happened, angel? How did you hurt yourself so badly?”

“You’re gonna laugh,” a pout settled on your pretty, soft lips and he couldn’t help but press a kiss to them, “it’s silly.”

“I won’t laugh,” he promised, “scout’s honor.”

“You were never a boy scout, Steve.”

“Still counts.”

“Does not-”

“You’re stalling,” he insisted, already guessing your little ployl, “just tell me what happened, baby.”

“I was in the backyard and I went to move one of the lounge chairs off the deck and one thing led to another and I lost my footing and slipped and tried to stop my fall with my hand and then hit my elbow and the thing I knew it was lots of pain and I couldn’t move my lower arm,” you replayed the events in your head and silently cringed at yourself, “and I came here.”

You looked up and found Steve’s brows knitted together as he kept his eyes on your chart. He was silent, but then you could see the subtle shake of his shoulders. You used your good hand and slapped his arm, “Steve Harrington, you’re laughing! Don’t laugh at me, you said you wouldn’t!”

“Honey, honey, honey,” he took your hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze, “I’m not laughing at you…I’m just amused by the situation.”

“You wouldn’t be laughing at another patient!”

“Other patients aren’t my wife,” he put a finger under your chin and turned your face up to meet his, “and I love you more than anything, so it’s affectionate teasing.”

“You’re lucky I love you,” you huffed, but there was no malice behind your voice, “now make it better…please.”

“I will,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to your cheek, “I promise I’ll make it better, sweetheart.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Ugh,” you sighed for what felt like the millionth time as you tried to move around to get comfortable. You were exhausted - tired and worn out from your accident and the excitement of the day, but sleep had proven to be elusive. The worst part of all, there were only certain ways you could lie down to keep your arm still and without causing too much pain. None of the positions were working. Steve was lying in bed next to you, attempting to read but you were sure he wasn’t doing much reading from all your huffing and puffing. You turned your head and gave him an apologetic look, “sorry Stevie.”

“It’s okay,” he promised as he dog-eared his page and snapped his book shut, setting it on the nightstand, “I know it’s difficult to adjust to, baby. Let me try and help.”

“This sucks,” you huffed before looking over at him, both of you breaking into a fit of giggles, “I’m never doing anything else again for myself. It’s proven to be a bad idea.”

“I’d say the broken ankle worked out pretty well,” he grinned as you looked at him in confusion, “more or less. I got to meet the girl of my dreams right there in the ER.”

“And to think, if I hadn’t broken my ankle we’d have never met,” you said, touching his cheek with your good hand and giving him a soft smile, “the injury sucked, but the man I got out of it is pretty amazing.”

“Who knows,” he shrugged with a small smile, “maybe something good will come out of this too. You’ll just have to get better first. That means listening to me and taking it easy and -”

“Asking for help,” you finished softly, “I will, Steve. I will. But I have a request for when this mess is all healed…”

“Go on, I’m curious now…”

“Can we get a dog?” you asked with wide, curious eyes as his face softened. Of course you would use this for something like this. Truth was, he wanted a dog too, but it just never had been the right time, maybe now that dream would come true, “pretty please, Stevie?”

“We’ll see,” he promised and you could tell what he meant, which only caused your smile to grow, “we’re focusing on you first.”

“Fine,” you agreed happily, “but right now I just want to sleep.”

“C’mere,” he got out of bed and came over to your side, gently helping to move to the side he occupied just moments earlier. It was warm and smelled like him, which was immediately comforting. He adjusted your pillows and fluffed them, making it so you could lie on your side, but keeping your elbow propped up so you wouldn’t jostle or hurt it, “better?”

“Much,” you agreed as he slid into bed next to you, “and now I can sleep facing you. That makes me feel better.”

“Me too,” he promised softly, “plus, the view’s pretty fucking stunning.”

“Steve,” you playfully chided him, “I look and feel like a mess!”

“A beautiful, wonderful, amazing mess,” he joked, “that I love so very much. I promise it’ll be okay, angel. I’ll take care of you, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you leaned in as much as you could and he met you halfway, kissing you softly and gently, “I love you so much, Steve Harrington. You’re my savior, I swear.”

“I love you, clumsy girl,” he whispered against your lips, “I’ll always take care of you. I swear it.”

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington one shot #nurse!steve #joe keery #joe keery x reader #joe keery x you #st

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elliespassagerprincess · 6 months

Note

requesting a fic of Ellie n reader running away and their lives kinda suck but they’re still glad cuz they have eachother and they’re away from their old environment and that’s all that rlly matters :) based on things to do by alex g!

things to do - (ellie williams x reader)

Hey anon! this is such a sweet idea! I loved writing this so much. Ily for this. I hope you enjoy it:)

This story is based off the song Things to do by Alex G. If you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

requests are open, feel free to leave one!

Warnings: toxic households (but there's a happy ending)

Summary: In which they got their happily ever after

Authors note: what?? me writing happy fics??? it's so rare but i love them. Also my surgery is in 2 days, so i'll be post all my drafts and requests over the next two days, so while i recover, so you guys have things to read:)

Thinkin' of things to do

Yeah, only the cheapest things left there for you

And the only thing I learned from you is that there's nothing left

To look forward to

I was asleep for days, and now you're the only thing

Keepin' me awake

The calculator will make the same mistakes

Yeah, I see it in its face

Ellie nervously sat under the tree waiting for you. She anxiously looked down at the plastic bag, silently praying that you'd like the snacks she bought.

"I'm sorry I'm late" you said breathing heavily as you ran towards her.

"Your mom was yelling at you again?"

"Yeah" you said as you sat next to her.

"Sometimes I just want to sleep, y'know? Like sleep without her waking me up and yelling" you admitted.

Ellie nodded in understanding because she too was experiencing the same thing.

Nobody understood the two of you like you understood each other.

You met Ellie when you were 14.

You remember she was sitting alone, and she was crying because she didn't have any lunch. You decided to talk to her.

"My mom also forgets to give me lunch money sometimes, but it's ok! I know where we can get something to eat" you said with a soft smile.

And the rest was history.

You and Ellie became inseparable because you both understood each other. You could comfort each other because you knew what the other was going through.

Whenever things were rough at home for you, you always went to Ellie. Or when Ellie need something to eat you'd always take something extra for her.

All you and Ellie were used to, was yelling, and constant fighting. But when you were each other there was none of that.

There was peace and unconditional love.

"Aw Ellie you should have" you said as she opened the bag to show you what she had got for you.

"Anything for you" Ellie muttered.

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence. And Ellie's mind wondered.

You were such a nice person. You didn't deserve the toxic environment you were in.

Both of you didn't.

Silent moments like these with you always made Ellie happy.

She wished she had more time with you.

She wanted to take you away from all pain. From all the yelling, and sleepless nights, she wanted to keep you happy.

There was nothing left here for her. The only thing that kept her going was you.

The light in her darkness.

You felt Ellies eyes burning into the side of your head. You swallowed the gummy worms you had in your mouth as you turned to her, raising an eyebrow you asked "what?"

Ellie went quiet for a while, until she said something you thought you'd never hear her say.

"Let's run away together"

Hold on tight to this time, this place

'Cause everything you know will be erased

You were born inside your head

And that is where you'll be when you are dead

You are just a boy you are no man and

Nobody you know will understand

You are just a boy you are no man and

Nobody you know will understand

"Ellie I can't just leave, my mom will look for me-"

"fuck your fucking mom! She doesn't care, can't you see? If we leave we'll be free, we can live in peace. Please let's go" Ellie sighed in defeat.

If you chose Ellie you would betray your family, if you chose your family you would lose the only person who kept you sane.

"Ellie I cant" you said quietly.

You felt the tears in your eyes.

Was this really good bye?

Ellie got up and she looked at you with sad eyes "I cant force you, but I hope you're happy here"

She started walking away but she suddenly stopped, she looked back at you without any expression.

"I'm leaving tomorrow night, if you change your mind i'll be at the train station"

She left. She left you alone.

You went back home crying.

You'd just lost the only person, who you truly loved.

You were so fucking stupid.

You walked into your house and you immediately heard your mother's nagging voice yelling: "fucking finally, come here! You need to fix the sink"

you ignored her and you dashed to your room, as fast as you possibly could.

You locked the door, and you heard your mother pound against the door.

She was yelling insults at you, as if you didn't have feelings.

She truly deserves the mother of the year award.

After a while, she left and you were finally alone with your thoughts.

Did you make the right decision?

Ellie sat anxiously at the station, she hoped you'd change your mind. That's you'd show up. For your freedom, and safety.

She'd hoped you'd come for her.

She bit her nails waiting for the train to come in, hoping Joel didn't notice she was gone. She heard the sound of the train pull, and with a sigh she got up holding the strap on her backpack in a tight grip.

You weren't going to come. This was it.

"Ellie!"

Her head snapped in the direction of your voice.

There you stood in all your glory holding a bag. There was a grin on your face.

With your bag in hand you ran to Ellie and she ran to you. The two of you met halfway, and Ellie held you in a tight grip.

If she held you any tighter, surely you would suffocate.

"I thought you weren't going to come" Ellie breathed as she still held you.

You pulled away first, and you leaned forward, kissing her.

Ellie didn't kiss you back at first and you almost wanted to pull away and die, but you soon felt her lips move. You felt her smile during the kiss.

As you pulled away you looked at her with a shy smile "I love you Ellie, of course I came"

A grin spread onto the girls face and before she could say anything the locomotive yelled "departure in 2 minutes"

Ellie grabbed your hand, and she rushed onto the train with you.

The two of you sat next to each other, your hands still interlocked.

"I love you too" Ellie finally breathed.

The train started move, and the nerves you and Ellie felt were finally falling away. You would finally be free.

"To our new life together" Ellie said before she brought you in for another kiss.

Welcoming you back home

The only one that you have ever known

Welcoming you back home

The only one that you will ever know

as Ellie opened the front door the smell of a freshly baked pie filled the air.

This was home.

She walked through the threshold of your shared apartment and she practically ran to the kitchen in search of you.

As Ellie entered she saw you standing with your back facing her. You were humming a familiar tune.

She walked towards you, you felt her arms wrap around you as she started singing with you.

This was home.

The two of you were each others safe spaces. Each others homes.

And Ellie hoped for the rest of her life that she would come home to you.

Home doesn't always have to be a place, it's a person too. And you were that person.

Forever and always.

The best decision Ellie made was running away with you, and she had zero regrets.

195 notes · View notes

bluegalaxygirl · 8 months

Text

caring for you

plot: Headcannons for how they would care for you before a procedure/surgery.

Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Chopper, Usopp, Nami, Robin, Franky, Brook and Jinbe.

So in two days im going in to hospital for a procedure and im starting to get nervous so i thought why not do this headcannon. I thought id try Law for the first time since i adore him. There will be platonic and romantic parts so you can read what ever section you like. Theres only three people im not doing lovers for and thats Chopper, Brook and Jinbe. hope you enjoy. I'll try and post after i get back but it may be a while. im planning on doing a series of this though. Reader is GN.

Warning: fluff, bad language.

PROLOGUE

^ The surgery/procedure will be taking place in a few days, Chopper and Law will be doing it and even though your trust them you cant help but be worried. you managed to keep it hidden but now that its only two days away the knot in your stomach has tightened some much you can hardly breath.

^Your friends have taken notice and want to help calm you down. The fact that your not eating or sleeping well has them worried for you.

LUFFY

^ His goal is to make you laugh and smile, silly faces, jokes, showing you cool things. he wants all his friends to be happy and healthy and knowing you weren't healthy meant he had to make you even more happy

^ The first thing he noticed was you not eating enough, it confused him and wondered if it was the food at first. he didn't take food off your plate anymore instead pushing some of his food onto your plate wondering if you would eat it.

^ you were too distracted by his actions to notice, it made you more nervous seeing the extra food on your plate. This continued for a while until asked why you weren't eating, it came out of no where but you explained. you had to be very clear otherwise he wouldn't understand. He told you about what he'ed been doing and it made you laugh, the smile on your face sparking a smile to for on his. he didn't do it again when you asked him to stop but at least he made you laugh.

^ Will run up to you and hug you, he used to slam into you but with Nami stopping him more often now he manages to catch himself and stop just before he hits you, then hugging you lightly. He trust Chopper and Traffy to look after you and tells you that all the time "You have the worlds best doctor looking after you and traffy" if he says it in front of everyone chopper goes all happy about it while Law yells at him "Im a doctor two you know"

^On the day he doesn't realize your leaving for a little while until your about to go, he gives you a hug and tells you come back and that the crew wont be the same without you.

Lovers:

^ Will give you his hat to where if your feeling really upset and sit on the head of the sunny with you one arm around your shoulder the other on your leg.

^ will take baths with you when you want too soaking in the warm water with him, he'll wash your back and lightly touch the place that is making you ill or in pain. "Does it hurt?" he asks but you shake your head turning to hug him "No, you make the pain go away" He cant help but smile and laugh at this, he's so happy he makes your pain go away.

^ He's a loud sleeper and sometimes hard to wake up but if you get up in the middle of the night he will shoot away feeling you no longer next to him "Midnight snack?" he asks always, he hopes its a yes so you'll eat something and he can join you.

ZORO

^ You tend to train with him and he pushes you to your limits but once he found out you needed surgery/procedure all that stopped, no more weight lifting no more push ups or sit up, no bench presses no matter how much you ask to train with him.

^ It annoyed you to no end, did he think you were weak or not worthy of you time, you both argued about it often soon reaching its boiling point. The crew noticed the tension between you two, Nami, Sanji and usopp telling him multiple times to calm down.

^ "Im worried about you ok?" Zoro snaps, realizing what he said he takes a step back. "You dont think im weak?" you ask and he nods "Of cause not". you two make up form there and he agrees to help you train but only small things, again no heavy stuff things that will hurt you.

^ Most of the time its just you helping him with his training. Sitting on his back when he does push up and things like that. you both dont talk much during this time but its normal, it makes you feel normal.

Lovers:

^ He sleeps alot and when he naps you have to nap. even if your not tired you need to sleep. he will drag you form what ever your doing either to sit on his lap and snooze or go to your bedroom where he would spoon you. "You, me, Nap, now" is all he will say to you.

^ He's always been protective but the part of your body thats getting worked on is 100% more protected than the rest of you. some one comes to close to it and they go flying, doesn't matter if its a crew member or not but he will let chopper touch there because he is a doctor after all.

^ HAS had a fight with Law over the surgery/procedure, the fight had to be stopped by multiple member of each crew. you had to calm him down and tell him everything is going to be ok. he just wanted you safe and healthy, you could see that and loved him for that.

^ The day you have to go he doesn't leave your side, he carries you to his morning work out not letting you raise a finger to help just wants you to sit there and watch while he shows off. its a great distraction but when its time to go he gives you a long kiss telling you he'll see you when you get back.

SANJI

^ Your not eating right and that a big No No for him. you need to keep your strength up, He made foods that were easy on the stomach and that contained a good amount of calories while also being small.

^ He didn't force you to finish your plate even when there wasn't much on it to begin with and tries to give you snacks more often threw out the day. Any drink he gave you had some kind of fruit chunks in it.

^ Because of this you felt like you could confide in him about how you were feeling. you told him how you felt sick all the time and every time you looked at food it made it worse. You love his food and want to eat it but your to nervous to eat. "Theres no need to worry im sure theres something we can get you to eat, even if its liquefied" sanji says with a pat on your head

^ You two have a long talk about what you would like to eat and how much, he suggests things like ginger, crackers and cheese and apples since those help settle a upset stomach. The advice he give helps make you feel better managing to eat a little bit more than normal.

^ Chopper will come and talk to him about foods you should be eating and what to avoid, of cause he knows all this but is happy to have chopper tell him again, he's secretly scared that he might have missed something off the list.

^Hours before your procedure/surgery your not aloud to eat or drink so he keeps food away form you as much as possible, he doesn't want you to see hungry at seeing the food he give everyone else

Lovers:

^ Expect lots of love and praise. This man will be on his knees telling you how amazing, strong and brave you are even when you feel like dieing inside. He will touch the part of you that's going to get worked on and tell you that no matter what even if it leaves a scar he will still love you.

^ "My love, you'll be just fine its normal to be nervous, im here for you." His hands cupping your cheeks making you look up at him. "Thank you Sanji... I'll be fine, i have you looking after me" those words shoot a spark through his heart, he loves you so much it hurts.

^ Will get up in the middle of the night if you cant sleep, you dont want him to stay up with you other wise he'll be up all night but that doesn't stop him, he will hold you close to him and place soft light kisses on your cheek whispering sweet things to help you sleep

^ Will NOT smoke around you, if you come near him while he's smoking its out immediately. I don't know much about whats going to happen but he knows you system needs to be clear of any medication or substances that includes second had smoke.

LAW

^ He didn't notice your nerves until he found you in choppers office asking all kinds of questions. You had been hiding it well and he thought the straw hat crew were just overreacting but he pieced it all togeather in that moment, you didn't eat much, you fell asleep during the day and you never spent a moment by yourself.

^ He did the only thing he could think off, chopper talking to you helped but you were still not eating right or sleeping so he asked if you wanted to see his ship. it was strange to you but agreed since law had a small smile on his face as he asked.

^He walked you threw the sub stopping at one and opening the door for you. he took you to see the operating room. "I thought seeing the place would make it less... scary" he hesitated not liking the word chose but it was better than any other in his head.

^ He like chopper talked you threw what would happen, showing you some of the less scary tools he would be using. it was scary at first but seeing everyone up close and knowing that it wasn't going to touch you now made you feel better, you had time to think and adjust.

^ If you up late you can always go to law he's most likely up in his office studying something. you can drink tea with him and sit in silence. Law will sometimes ask Bepo to come in and comfort you knowing the big white bear will hug you and talk with you.

^ The day of the surgery/procedure he gets everything ready with choppers help. some of his crew are there to help. he always had his stuff on when you enter the room chopper leading the way. he asks how you are but other than that he's mainly focused on his job.

Lovers:

^ As he would explain things he would touch you. using his fingers to show where and what would happen. it was a weird sensation and you couldn't take your eyes off him.

^ Unfortunately he was in his own little world explaining things to you that he didn't notice you had started silently crying. everything up to this point had been building up, you didn't want to be alone and yet you needed to be alone in order to get your fear and tears out. This moment seemed like the only calm one you've had in a while.

^ You hugged him out of no where setting him back but he noticed the tears you were shedding. This poor man had no idea what to do, he made you cry and he didn't even realize you were upset. "Im so scared. why am i scared? i shouldn't be, i trust you but..." he stops you form saying more with a kiss, it was sweet but also a little rough "Its natural. I'll do everything i can to make you better. just name it" He asks pulling away form you lips.

^This beautiful man will do anything for you as long as it doesn't interfere with the surgery/procedure. He will lay with you in bed if you want him, he will get you food or water when you need it, he will hold you close to him while he studies. what ever it takes to make you feel loved.

CHOPPER

^ You trust chopper but the unknown scares you so thats what he wants to help with. you two will sit in his office going over what will happen before, during and after. he answers all your questions and will explain anything you dont understand.

^ He tries not to use too many medical words but if he does he explains them. He knows the others are helping you in different areas but he wants to help with that too. he cant give you any meds to help you relax. you cant have any meds in your system before hand except the ones he gives you on the day.

^ When he sees you nervous he'll take off his hat and place your hand on his head with a smile. "touching something warm and fluffy can elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine, in other words it makes people happy and relaxed. so if you need too you can touch my fur" You can't help but love this boy, so sweet and smart.

^ When ever you thank him and call him doctor he goes all shy and calls you names but with a big smile on his face. you end up doing this deliberately since it makes you smile. he's so cute waving his arms around.

^ Chopper of cause worries about your food intake and sleeping pattern. He makes sure to have a talk with Sanji about food and whats best for you even though he knows that Sanji has it covered and knows way more about food than he does. As for sleep, he will sometimes sneak into your room to check on you. if your awake he will crawl into bed with you telling you that sleep is important. he cuddles with you mainly falling asleep way before you but he brings you comfort.

^ The day of the surgery/procedure he's helping law get everything ready before walking with you to the operating room. he takes your hand with a smile telling you your in good hands and theres nothing to worry about. "Don't worry, i'll be there the whole time"

USOPP

^ He doesn't know what to do. when his mum was sick he used to make jokes and tell stories, he did the same with Kaya but neither of them responded the way you did. The jokes he made caused you anxiety to boil over.

^ You tried to hid it form him knowing he was only trying to help but you would brake down when you were alone. Usopp found you though and tried to comfort him. when he realized it was him that upset you he apologized over and over again. You didn't want him to be sorry, he was only trying to help.

^ When ever you needed a shoulder to cry on Usopp was your man and his stories, although full of lies, would cheer you up, they were silly and full of life, it distracted you form what was going to come and he made sure to make then bigger and better each time.

^ He worries about you not eating and almost treats you like a child, its not amusing and no matter how hard you stare daggers at him he doesn't let up, its normally Nami or Zoro who end up hitting him over the head

^ "Choo Choo, here comes the train Y/N" He smiles the spoon full of food gliding it over to you only to be hit on the head "Will you knock it off" Nami yells making you laugh at poor usopp on the floor.

Lovers:

^ He will make wooden flowers for you, all your favorite kind made out of different types of wood, giving you one each day, treating you like a princess.

^ Sleeping next to him at night is strange though, you'll just lay there wide away unable to sleep as he drools on your shoulder fast asleep. You never realized before that he talks in his sleep. your boring night's turn into entertaining nights.

^ "Yay..... beat that dragon Y/N..... No luffy we cant eat it.... ok maybe we can" You try to hold your laughs in, he thinks highly of you and has so many funny dreams. you wont tell him about it though not wanting to spoil your little secret.

^ On the day you have to go he gives you one last wooden flower, its one he's been making form the start, its not too big but its perfect, no sharp edges, perfectly smooth, perfectly shaped petals leaves and stem. He hugs you telling you good luck before you leave.

NAMI

^ The best person to go to in this situation. she knows how to relax, a warm bath, face masks, hot stones, you name it she has the stuff for it and will happily help you relax.

^ She will get little bags of lavender for you, the smell clams you and you can keep it on you at all times. After dinner is when she suggests hot towels, face masks and cucumber over the eyes. "Time for a spar day, get ready to relax" she cheers handing you the stuff you need.

^ You two will sit on her bad listening to the sound of ocean hot stones on your back relaxing your muscles and calming your mind. You both dont talk just basking in the silence and the feeling of the heat. Sometimes Robin will join you two the three of you relaxing when ever you can. she always seems to find new ways to relax and shares it with you as long as your ok with it.

^ She's very worried about your eating but wont show it, she knows sanji can take care of it but the only problem is usopp. every time he tries to feed you she hits him, your not a child and putting focus on you to eat may make things worse.

^ When its time for you to go she will hug you with a big smile saying you'll be just fine and when you get back she'll paint your nails (it doesn't matter if your a boy she will still do it).

Lovers:

^ She can be clueless when it comes to knowing how to deal with you in this situation. your her lover and you two get along great, you always there for her and now she needs to be there for you. other than the relaxation she doesn't know what else to do.

^ She over thinks things sometimes doing too much but you know she loves you and just wants you to feel safe. Its you that has to reassure her.

^"I'm supposed to be the one helping you not the other way around. Gods i cant do anything right" she cry's something she hates doing but this vulnerable side of her shows you how much she cares for you. "Nami... you caring is the only thing i need" you say before kissing her.

^ She has trouble sleeping just like you do, she'll stay up with you and talk about anything and everything. she also try to make you fall asleep by shoving your head back down onto the pillow and whispering to you. she remembers what her mum used to say and repeats those things, it surprisingly works, the calmness in her voice and the feeling of her next to you gives you so much comfort.

ROBIN

^ You can talk to her about anything even if they are incoherent fears and worries, she holds no judgment and doesn't push them away, instead understanding and helping you threw it. she validates your feelings but gives you logic to counteract those feelings. "Its completely normal to feel this but just remember, its very unlikely for that to happen and you have the two best doctors looking after you"

^ She knows what herbal teas will be good for anxiety and helps Sanji make the tea for you, she'll drink it with you as you talk about things. she knows exactly what to say but she also doesn't sugar coat things, she wont lie to save your feelings but thats a good thing, you need someone to be straight with you.

^ She will try and help you relax joining Nami in self care, she'll rub your shoulders and back sometimes using her devil fruit powers to massage your legs as well, unsurprisingly she is very good with her hands and knows all the best places to rub.

^ She will sun bath with you and Nami on the ship now and again readjusting the umbrella with her devil fruit powers to keep the sun off you if you've been out there a while. You sometimes get so relaxed that you fall asleep, Robin making sure the sun doesn't burn your skin while you rest.

Lovers:

^ She will read to you when you cant sleep, this woman is a god sent, her calm demeanor and voice helps sooth you making you more tired than before. her soft book reads her book out in almost a whispers. Sometimes she gets so lost in the book that she doesn't even notice you've fallen asleep.

^ Once she realises your asleep she'll kiss your forehead and lay down next to you taking your hand in hers "Good night my darling, i love you" she whispers before falling asleep.

^ She will hold you hand when ever she sees you nervous, the touch relaxing you a little knowing she is there for you. She wont leave your side all that much wanting to be there in case you have a panic attack or feel ill.

^ When you have to go she will give you one of her favorite books and tells you to read it after its all over and she'll see you as soon as she can, flashing you her beautiful smile and kissing your cheek.

FRANKY

^ He is your hype man, always cheering you on. he'll show off new things he's working on or has made weather big or small most of the time trying to get you involved. he hopes it will take you mind off things.

^ He knows what its like to go threw a surgery/procedure, he's had many, many done in the past. he wont give advice on it though, his situation is different to yours and knows that Chopper and Law can deal with anything like that.

^ The only thing he will tell you is funny stories of things he did and said while coming out of the anesthesia, it always made you laugh but you did worry about what you would say or do in that situation. "I woke up and screamed IV TRAVAILED INTO THE FUTURE, IM A TIME LORD"

^ He assures you that no matter what you say or do no one will care, he on the other hand will 100% remind you of what you said after words but wont tell you that.

Lovers:

^ he will offer you his cola when ever you look thirsty, even if its his last one, he wants you to have it, he'll sit with you at dinner and most of the time not finish his plate. he thinks that by leaving food on his plate it will make you feel better about the fact you cant eat much and sometimes it works other times it doesn't, its a hit or miss situation.

^ You always lay on top of him when you sleep, he doesn't want to roll over and crush you but its also perfect. you listen to his heart beat, his calm and sleepy state keeps you relaxed. when you really cant sleep you can always wake him up, he wont mind and will stay up with you a little longer kissing you and telling you how cool and super you are.

^ the day you gave to go he does cry "Oh baby your SUPER amazing. So Brave to take this on" he yells as he sits in his knees looking at you. it makes you laugh but also filled with love. you feel more confident about it all now.

BROOK

^ Expect an extensive amount of Bone jokes, even if its not going to be a surgery/Procedure on your bones, he's still going to make jokes to see you laugh.

^" Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?" Brook will just randomly appear beside you telling a joke "The hip consultant." He laughs even if you groan at him for bad jokes but at least the thought is there. his goal is to make your ribs hurt with laughter even when he's told off by a member of the crew.

^ "Why was the skeleton laughing??? because he hit his funny bone" he laughs not even looking at your unamused face "Brook that was the worst one yet" Brook bends down to you with lifeless eyes "We'll than i guess i'll have to try another, this one is a real RIB tickler" you couldn't help but groan.

^ If he finds you up at night he will sit with you and play his violin, keeping it calm and soothing. it makes you sleepy and if you do fall asleep he wont stop, he'll keep playing until he falls asleep. The music soothing the two of you.

^ A few hours before you have to go he will ask if you want to listen to a song to help calm you down. your nerves are really starting to show and of cause you take him up on the offer hoping to clam you down. Again the song is calming and soothing helping you to relax.

JINBE

^ He can sense your nerves and knows its not an easy thing to go threw so he does what he does best and thats teach. He teaches you how to relax yourself, some breathing techniques and meditation. If you breathing is off at anytime he will help you telling you to "Breath in for 5 and out for 5, imagine a square follow the lines as you breath in and out" its surprising how much that helped

^ He'll sit with you if he finds you doing it on your own, no words spoken just two friends sitting beside each other, His calmness seems to make you ten times more calm.

^ He will also teach you a bit of fish man Yoga, you didn't even know it was a thing ans was surprised by how easy it was, it didn't put any strain on your body but also helped relax your muscles, the fluid movement keeping your breathing deep and steady.

^ A few hours before you have to go he sits with you to do another calming exercise and tells you again how to breath and relax. he tells you there is nothing to be afraid of and that your in the best hands possible. "You''ll be just fine, your in capable hand."

258 notes · View notes

outsideratheart · 1 year

Text

Secrets & Lies (Christen Press x reader)

Based of this request.

A/N: This is the longest fic I have ever written with 11,599 words. I hope it isn’t too long and that you all like it. One more thing, ANGST!!!

You had been keeping a secret since the day you were born. Only a few people knew about it and that's because someone else told them but at what point does a secret turn into a lie?

You spent your childhood having bi yearly surgeries but they were only temporary fixes until the doctors felt your heart was strong enough to take the stress of a more complicated surgery. This came when you were 15, it meant you could play the sport you love, and to the naked eye your condition was non existent as long as you took your medication. It wouldn't be the last surgery you had, in fact the doctors told both you and your mom that they would have to do the same surgery again in around 10 years.

It resulted in you learning to live one day at a time and you never looked too far into the future but you couldn't ignore the fact that every year is one step closing to needing a second surgery. So when you turned 25 you couldn't help but feel like you were on borrowed time. Two years after that, the hospital visits became a monthly occurrence in order to keep an eye on your condition and your doctor was surprised that your heart was holding up well and it was but that feeling of being healthy soon came to a halt.

First came the shortness in breath followed by the chest pains, they are symptoms that you are all too familiar with. At first it was manageable but then it got hard to hide the toll it was taking on your body.

"Are you ok kid?" you feel a hand rest on the small of your back as you bend over in attempt to catch your breath after a sprinting drill.

"It's getting worse" you look up at your captain Christine Sinclair "I'll be ok, I have to be. The olympics are around the corner and I can't miss them" the panic in your voice sparks concern within the Canadian.

"Ok, ok, calm down. We will handle this like have in the past, just me, you and the doctors. Have you told Tobin or any of the others how bad it's getting?" you shake your head "Maybe it's time you tell Christen. The two of you have been tog—“

“No! Christen doesn't need to know"

"And when will she? When she is calling an ambulance?"

Christine Sinclair had many abilities and the one you hated the most was how well she showed tough love.

"No Christen and no Tobin. This is my fight and I know how to handle it" you know that the conversation is no where near over but you don't have the energy to talk about it and you don't want to risk the rest of the team hearing you.

At first only you and the Portland Thorns team doctor knew about your heart condition but then your mom told Christine when the thorns were playing Gotham. She wanted someone to know about it in case you were to have an episode. They didn't happen all that often, especially as you got older, but when they did come they were bad.

Portland were in Houston playing the dash before the players would go to their respective national teams. It meant that you had to pack for 3 weeks away. You made your checklist, packed your bag and then went through the list twice, you had everything.

The Thorns ended up beating the dash 3-1 with goals coming from you, Tobin and Lynsey so when you arrived at camp you were all in fantastic moods although yours could have something to do with the fact that you would be seeing Christen for the first time in a month.

As you enter the reception you are told that you are the last to arrive and the team are in the conference room handing out room assignments. As you enter the room you eyes eagerly search for your girlfriend but she isn’t there, worry starts to set in and you nudge tobin who in suit shrugs her shoulders. So her girlfriend and best friend didn’t know where she was. You are just about to raise your hand to ask the question when you feel two arms snake around your waist.

“Looking me for” Christen says quietly as not to interrupt Jill.

You remove one of her hands and place a kiss on the back of it.

“I better not be sharing with Kelley again” You tip your head back to rest on her shoulder.

“You’ll be happy to know I persuaded Jill to let us room together but you have to be on your best behaviour”

“Me!” You turn to face Christen. Your increased volume becoming apparent when Jill calls you out.

“Is there something you would like to share with the team” Jill encourages you to speak up.

"Nothing she can repeat in front of the youngens, right Y/N?" Kelley teases.

The defender knows that you will bite straight away if the teasing had to do with your relationship, more so what goes on behind close doors. You are on the verge of retaliating when Christen places her hand over your mouth.

"Sorry coach, continue" Christen tells Jill.

The team meeting runs a little big longer than you had hoped. Jill taking this time to discuss the basic plan for the camp as well as assigning rooms and then reassigning them when she gets complaints.

You and Christen waste no time in making up for being away from each other. It might have been a few years since the two of you started dating but the way she makes you feel never failed to catch you off guard. The connection you shared reminded you of fireworks and no matter how many times they went off you always jumped.

The two of you cuddled in bed, covered in nothing but the white hotel bed sheets. Christen's head rested on your chest whilst her hand traced shapes on your stomach.

"Your heart feels like it is about to beat out of your chest" whilst Christen jokes it is a reason for concern to you.

You think about it for a second. The Thorns schedule has been gruelling recently and you knew that you were putting stress on your heart but it was fine, you were taking your medication then it hit you, you hadn't taken it this morning.

"My heart will always skip a beat for you" you stare up at the ceiling in fear that Christen will see your pain if she looks you in the eyes.

The pair of you get ready for training all whilst worry starts to sink deeper into your thoughts. Christen knew you took several supplements in a morning but she didn't know what they were and you wanted to keep it this way. When you are on your way down to the lobby you see your chance.

"I'll meet you down there. I forget to take my vitamins" You daren't use the word medication because you know it will cause her to worry. It's the reason why she has no idea about your condition. You saw what the worry did to your mom growing up and you wouldn't put that on your girlfriend.

Luckily Christen doesn't ask any questions and she doesn't follow you back to the room. By the time she gets to the lobby the whole team is there ready and waiting.

"What, no Y/N?" Pinoe asks her fellow forward.

"She forgot her vitamins" Christen says fully unaware of the looks that are shared between Emily and Tobin.

Emily tips her head towards the elevator and Tobin picks up on what she is suggesting.

You are rummaging through your bag hoping that you will find your medication but it is no where to be found. You thought you packed enough for the Thorns trip and the national camp but you hadn't. You didn't know what to do, you knew that if you told Dawn about it she would have you benched and that couldn't happen because you were playing Canada and the team needed you. The sound of someone knocking at the door pulls you out of your head. At first you ignore them, you had more important things going on right now and the person on the other side of the threshold could wait but the knocking continued only louder and more persistently.

"Y/N let me in"

Tobin, just the person you both wanted to see and did not want to see. When she enters she recognises the panic on your face immediately.

"You forgot?" Her tone reminds you of your mom and you didn't care for it.

"I'm fine now" It was a lie but you didn't have a choice "I'm just tidying up. You know how much of a neat freak Chris is"

You had been taking this medication for 12 years surely you built up enough strength to live without it for a week.

Training was tough to say the least but you chalked it down to the Arizona heat. Tobin kept a close eye on you and even went out of her way to partner up with you during drills which pissed you off more because you wanted to work with Christen. Dawn watched you from the sidelines and at first you didn't think anything of it until you saw her whispering in Jill's ear.

When the coach calls you over in the middle of scrimmage, it gains the attention of the entire team. Players only ever got called out of a game when they were in trouble but Jill eyes wasn't filled with anger, they were filled with pity and your suspicions were confirmed when you saw Dawn mouth 'i'm sorry'.

"Do I need to be worried?" Jill asked.

Here's the thing with Jill. You know she knows and she knows you know she knows but the two of you have never spoken about it. She keeps an eye on you during training and Dawn let's her know if there is a reason for concern.

"No. I forgot to take my medication this morning so it's taking a little bit longer for it to work"

Another lie.

"You were struggling out there and don't say it's because of the heat. I have seen you when we play in Australia and you aren't phased at all"

"I'm already feeling better. Watch and you will see that I am fine" you shut down the conversation before it can go any further.

When you're back on the pitch you score within seconds and dedicate your goal to your coach with an arrogant salute. Instead of it making her believe you're healthy, your celebration makes Jill think the opposite. You are trying too hard to show her you are ok.

The next couple of days are more difficult than you would like to admit. You were tempted to ask for a personal day and fly back to Portland but it would lead to more questions and you were trying to keep your amount of lies to a minimum.

With game day getting closer and closer, you begin easing off the physical side of preparation. You took a back seat in training and when asked about it you stated that as your role as captain you want to use this time to pass on your knowledge to the younger players.

When it comes to the afternoon lift session, Dawn pulls you aside and tells you that you will be working alone. She puts you on the treadmill whilst the rest of the team focus on the weights. Her attempt at testing your fitness isn't as subtle as she hopes.

"Wait, why is Y/N the only one doing a fitness test?" Tobin asks. Christen wants to know the same thing. She had seen the change in your behaviour over the past couple of days. It happened in the blink of an eye, one minute your the confident player the world loved the next you are on the sidelines trying to catch your breath like a rookie.

"Because I am the fastest on the team and Dawn wants to see if I can improve my stats from last camp"

Your girlfriend buys it, Tobin on the other hand isn't so easy to persuade. In the end she walks away but not before talking to Sonnet who looks at you and shakes her head.

Great! You aren't well and now you have pissed off the two people that could out you to the entire team.

"I've seen you watching me and I'm fine but if I am sick then I will get worse by doing this" you whisper in Dawn's ear before setting the treadmill to 15 where you begin sprinting as if you have a perfectly good heart.

By the end of the treadmill test you can barely breathe. Dawn helps you to chair before getting you a bottle of water. You hear her shout of Christen and within seconds your girlfriend is by your side.

"Y/N breathe for me" Christen begs. She had never seen you this out of breath.

"It hurts" you clasp both of your hands over your chest. This couldn't be happening, not here, not now.

"What's going on with her?" Christen asks dawn.

"She is--" Dawn tries to answer but Tobin and Sonnet come running over.

"She took an elbow to the chest in our last game and it's causing her some problems" Tobin tells her.

"She'll be fine. Here, use this" Sonnet gives you an ice pack knowing that it helps with your chest pains.

Your hands shake whilst you hold the cold block to your chest, so much so that Christen ends up taking it from you.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Christen asks.

When you look to Christen you see the hurt you are causing her and this is because she didn't know about a tackle that didn't happen. In a matter of seconds you go from feeling pain to feeling guilty.

“I—" part of you tries to tell her the truth, even it it's only a half truth.

"It's best if she doesn't talk" Tobin cuts in.

Dawn tells you that you're done for the day and that Christen should take you back to your room. Your girlfriend talks to the performance coach in hopes that she can tell her what to do to make you feel better.

"I don't know what's going on with you but you cannot tell her when you're like this. She will think you’re ill" Tobin whispers in your ear.

"That's because I am ill and I always will be. She deserves to be with someone who isn't a burden" your breathing begins to even out.

"Y/N don't do anything stupid. You trust us with your secret, you can trust her too"

"No, my mom trusted you. I didn't want people to know because they look at me like—“

"Like what"

"Like that" you point at both of the friends "Like I'm broken"

Walking away you feel their eyes burning into the back of your head but you don't look back. Christen stands near the door with her hand extended waiting for you to take it.

Once back in your room Christen goes straight into the bathroom and begins running the bath. It is something that calmed the two of you but funnily enough you haven't done it whilst being at camp. Your girlfriend comes back out to find you laid back on the bed, your eyes closed with one hand on your chest. She can just about hear you counting your breaths.

"Join me" Christen says from the door way but she doesn't get an answer, you don't even move.

"Baby, come join me" the softness in her tone when she calls you the name that made you feel like you're the only girl in the world gets your attention.

"I think i'm just going to lay here for a while"

"Look at me" your girlfriend demands and upon doing so see her standing there in nothing but her underwear "I wasn't asking"

The smirk that pulls at your lips in uncontrollable. The sight you saw had the power to bring to your knees and the past had proven that.

"Then I won't say no" you stand and remove your shorts and as you walk towards her you remove your top.

Christen is the first to get into the bath and she slides forward so that you can slip in behind her. She grabs your arms, wraps them around her and then covers your arms with her own.

"I love you Christen Press" you place a kiss to her jawline "but if something were to happen to me then I want you to move on" you feel a tear roll down your cheek but you cannot wipe it away "Please don't waste your years mourning me and don't be afraid to open your heart to another. You wouldn't be betraying me and although i'll be gone, i'll always be with you, in here" you place your hand over her heart.

"Y/N--" Christens shifts her weight.

"Don't look at me"

This was strange. You and Christen are very open about your feelings and aren't scared to be vulnerable around each other but whenever you shared these moments you wanted to feel as close to her as possible which lead to the two of you having eye contact.

"You are my one true love Y/N Y/L/N and should the worse happen, that will never change. I cannot make a promise to move on because I am not in control of my heart but I will promise to let love in should it come to me"

"I will love you Christen until my last day on earth and then long into the afterlife"

This time you don't stop her as she turns in the water so her legs are either side of you. You craved her touch and reassurance that everything would be ok only she couldn't tell you that. That night Christen makes you forget about how this pain in your chest has ended in the past and you don't think twice about whether you future is going to last a year or ten years.

Game day came on day 5 without your medication and you were starting to regret not going home to get them. Sleep had become nothing more than a long nap and every time you ran it felt like a marathon. Still you had been able to downplay your struggles and Jill put you in the starting 11 despite being concerned about you.

You knew there was one person you couldn't fool and you did your best to avoid her until the whistle. At the pitch inspection you stayed away from the Canadians but you saw Christine staring at you from a distance, by the look on her face you knew she knew. When she tipped her head towards the tunnel so she could speak with you, you shook your head.

"You should go see her" Christen nudges towards where your club captain is standing.

"And fraternise with the enemy. I would much rather fraternise with you" you whisper in her ear.

It seems that Christen buys your distraction as she doesn't bring it up again even when Christine waits by the locker room after the warm ups.

You think you have managed to evade your friend's questioning but when you stand in the line waiting to go out you have a bad feeling in your gut so when Christine walks by you grab her arm and pull her back towards you.

"I didn't bring enough medication with me" you confess.

Up until now you haven't been scared but the look Christine gives makes you feel just that.

"How long?" she keeps her reply short given the crowd of players that surround you.

"5 days" You see Christine eye up Jill as she walks past "No, don't. I can handle this game but you need to know if case something happens"

"What makes you think that?"

You bring you hand to your chest "gut feeling" you reply.

Once gain Christine's expression changes and the worry is not something she can hide. She pulls you into her arms and whispers in you ear.

"I know you can handle it especially when playing so be smart out there kid"

And that is exactly what you do or at least for the first 50 minutes it is. All of sudden you feel your chest tighten and you feet give way underneath you as your body goes into fight or flight response. You do everything in your power to fight but it is too hard. Within seconds you are laid out of the floor, instead of your heart beating rapidly it is slow, too slow.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Christen kneels beside you.

Your eyes lock onto her, she is the reason why you want to fight but your lack of response does more harm than good. The team don't know what is happening so they don't call the medics over.

"Is it your heart?" Tobin asks having no care in the world about who hears her.

"What's wrong with her heart? Is this about the knock you took?"

You had been dreading this moment but somehow it has turned out worse than you imagined.

"I'm" you take a deep breathe "sorry"

"Why are you sorry? Tobin what is she sorry for? What is going on?"

Tobin looks at you and you use whatever energy you have left to shake your head.

"Sincy" you look at Tobin and she understands what you want but she doesn't want to leave your side.

Emily picks up on this "It's ok, i'll get her"

The defender turns to get your team mate only to see the opposing captain already running over.

"Move out of my way" Christine pushes her way through the white shirts.

"Sincy, it hurts" tears start to fall as fear begins to set in.

"Tobin get your medics now"

Christine looks at your team mates but her gaze ultimately falls on your girlfriend who looks petrified. Christen has one of your hands in hers, squeezing it so tightly that part of your fingers have turned white.

"I don't want to die" your words earn gasps from your team mates. Some of the Portland players are trying to hold back from crying as they know what this could mean.

"You're not going to die" Christen places a kiss to the back of your hand "Why would you die? You can't die. Christine" Christen looks up to the older player only to see her holding Tobin in her arms as she tries to console her "Tobin" at the sight on her best friend in tears she knows that something much bigger is going on.

The medics come running onto the pitch and in that very moment you realise that the secret you have kept for the last 27 years is about to come to light. When one of them starts asking question you know that you don't have it in you to answer them, a mixture of not wanting to and not having the ability to.

"She has a heart defect and hasn't been taking her medication" Christine says when she realises you wouldn't say it. Your club captain proceeds to explain your condition in detail as well as your medical history.

"No" Christen shouts "She is fine, tell them you're fine Y/N. You're not sick, you just took a knock in your last game. I know you're not sick because you would have told me, we don't have secrets" tears are flowing freely down your girlfriends face.

"Y/N" Christen whispers when she feels your hand slowly loosen it's grip from her own.

"I don't want to die. I wan’t—" your breathing hitches once again as your bodies tries to inhale a much oxygen as possible.

"Baby, no" Christen leans forward and rests her forehead against yours.

"I'm sorry. I love you" those are are the last words you say and Christen is the last thing you see before it goes black.

"She's going into cardiac arrest. I need everyone to back up so we can try and save her life" One of the doctors say as the other one sprints away in search of the defibrillator.

"No, i'm not leaving her" Christen holds onto your unconscious form. It is only when Ashlyn pulls her away does she let go and begins sobbing into her friends arms.

The team stand there, helpless, as they watch the medics try to resuscitate you. All of them feeling a mixture of emotions. Some are angry at you, why didn't you tell them things had got this bad. Others feel guilty having known nothing about your condition, they begin wondering if the signs where there and they had just been too ignorant to see them.

Christen feels every emotion under the sun but the strongest one of them all is rage. You were her girlfriend and not only did you keep this from her, her best friend did too. You were the two people she trusted the most in the world yet today made it clear that trust wasn't reciprocated.

You are loaded into an Ambulance and taken the the nearest hospital. Christen is asked if she wants to go with you but she says no. The game gets suspended and the teams head back into their locker rooms. The US players planned on getting changed and heading straight to you.

The atmosphere in the locker room is something that neither of them have experienced before.

"You knew!" Christen shouts at Tobin.

"Chris" Pinoe tries to pull your girlfriend towards her locker but fails.

"No, I deserve an answer. My girlfriend was sick and you didn't tell me"

"It wasn't my secret to tell Christen. She made us promise not to tell you"

Tobin's words didn't exactly instil faith and calmness in her friend.

"Us?" Christen takes a step back and she scans the locker room. Now that's she is looking, it is very obvious who knew and who didn't "Emily, Lindsey. You knew too" Christen couldn't believe it.

"I didn't know things has gotten this bad. Y/N has episodes but she handles them on her own" Emily tells her.

"She doesn't like to talk about it" Lindsey adds.

"And Christine Sinclair knew" It isn't a question. The woman's action on the pitch made it obvious that she is very aware of your condition.

"I did"

Turning around Christen comes face to face with the women she was talking about.

"I have known since the beginning" the invisible spotlight that was placed on Christine made her nervous "I'm going to the hospital. Come with me and I will tell you everything"

Christen quickly replaces her boots with a pair of trainers, grabs a jacket and follows your captain.

Christen sat in the hospital waiting room alone. The seats either side of her remained empty because although her teammates wanted to support their friend, they knew it was just as important to give her space. It didn't make sense at first, you being ill, but then she begins replaying some of your recent conversations. Obviously the one you shared in the bath a few nights prior wasn't as hypothetical as Christen thought. Did you really think that Christen could move on from you?

"Family of Y/N Y/L/N"

Upon hearing your name the entire USWNT flock towards to the man clad in scrubs.

"I'm her girlfriend" Christen says as she stands directly in front of him.

"I'm sorry her file says to only discuss medical matters with direct family or Christine Sinclair, is that you?"

Christen couldn't believe what she is hearing. Even when you are in god knows what condition you are still determined to keep this from her.

"That's me. This is Christen Press and you can discuss Y/N's condition with her" Your friend has had enough of your secrets, Christen deserves the know the truth and at this point she knew that you could no longer hide it but that you would still try.

"Unfortunately Y/N coded again on the way here. Her heart had to work overdrive just to beat regularly and in the end it couldn't take it"

"No, She" your girlfriend couldn't believe what she was hearing "She can't die"

"She's alive Miss Press" The doctor confirmed "What I meant is that her heart couldn't take it which lead to the incident during your game. I spoke with her doctor in Portland and we agreed that minor surgery was needed until she can have a full exam when she returns home. Y/N is in recovery right now for observation then we will move her to a private room. I will have someone come get you when she is allowed visitors"

Christen stands frozen in her spot. Her mind, body and soul had grieved your death twice now even if it wasn't permanent.

"This is a good thing Chris" Tobin ignores the looks she gets as she talks to her best friend.

"How is this good Tobin? She almost died, no she did die. I lost her"

Tobin tries to pull Christen into a hug but she fights it. She takes her anger, which is rightly or wrongly is aimed at you, out on Tobin before surrendering.

"How could she not tell me Tobin? I'm suppose to be her person, she tells me she loves me yet—“

Christen is cut off before she can finish her sentence.

"You really don't get it do you" Christine says. After speaking to the doctor she found a seat near your Portland team mates "Y/N does love you more than you realise. It is the reason why she hasn't told you. I know that doesn't make sense but it does in her mind. Y/N has never told anyone about her heart condition"

"That's not true. You know, Tobin, Lynsey, Emily and I guess Becky knows, oh and dawn too, maybe even jill"

"You're right but that's not because Y/N told us. Her mom is reason why we know. She told us for this exact reason, in case something happens to her daughter and she isn't there to help her. In Y/N’s eyes she was protecting you by not telling you"

"That does sound like Y/N" Ashlyn sees sense in what the Canadian is saying.

"It doesn't make it ok"

"No it doesn't and for what it's worth Tobin has been begging Y/N to tell you since you started dating" Christine comes to her team mates defence.

Christen knows deep down that none of this was Tobin's fault and that her reaction was uncalled for. The way Tobin looks at her is something she has never seen before but then it hits her. You might have been her girlfriend but you are Tobin's best friend.

"I'm sorry Tobin. It just the thought of losing her is—“

"I know. It's scares me too"

When the pair hug, the team awe in response. For a brief moment the energy changes but it doesn't last long.

"Y/N is awake"

Having not needed to be told twice, Christen heads straight towards the nurse.

"You're going to have to wait sweetie. Y/N only wants to see Miss Sinclair"

It hurt. Once again you were choosing Christine over her and quite frankly Christen has had enough. A huge part of her wanted to say 'screw you' and leave. If you didn't want to see her then she wasn't going to stick around.

"Let's go get a coffee" Pinoe suggests which Christen agrees, Tobin follows in suit.

The three of them return just as Christine is storming through the hallway. Clearly nothing good happened in your room but it wasn't clear if the bad thing was related to the incident or something else.

"Christine, wait" Christen grabs her hand as she strides past them "What's wrong"

"She's unbelievable and all yours. I'm done"

Christen heads straight for you room, alone. The rest of the team know that there is conversation that needs to be had between the two of you and they had no right to be a part of it.

The sight itself is worrying. You are laid in the hospital bed, hooked up to several hospital wires and have a nasal cannula which is helping you breathe. All in all you didn't look well and it made the next words that came out of your mouth that much more frustrating.

"Don't look at me like that, i'm fine" your attempt at reassuring your girlfriend seems to have the opposite affect.

"No more lies Y/N. You're not fine. I watched you die, do you know what that was like?" Christen starts the speech that she had been planning in her head for the last couple of hours.

When you see her eyes begin to well up you want nothing more than to get out of the bed and comfort your girlfriend but you simply didn't have the strength. Instead you used what strength you did have to move over slightly so there was room for her near you.

"Come here"

Christen does so happily. Even though she is mad she has been craving the feeling of being in your arms and the solace it brings her.

"You knew this would happen. It's why you talked about you dying when we laid in the bath. You held me in your arms and we had a conversation which you knew could happen whilst I thought you were being hypothetical"

"I meant what I said. When I die I want you to move on with your life, not live in the past, in our past" once again you cannot bring yourself to make eye contact with your girlfriend.

Christen hovers her hand over your chest before placing it on your heart. The room goes quiet, enough so that you can hear her counting the beats under her breath. She is worried about you and you knew what the next couple of months would look like. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. You never wanted things to come to this and you certainly didn’t want to be the reason for Christen’s pain. It’s why you know the thing you are going to next is the right thing to do.

“Why did Christine leave?”

Well it looks like Christen is going to be the one to initiate the conversation only she has no idea what is about to come.

“I told her i’m not going to have the surgery when I get home. If I do then I'll miss the olympics and that isn’t something I am willing to do. I am going to have another minor surgery and work with the doctors so that I make it until the summer”

Christen lifts her head so she can see your face and what she is met with worries her. You are blank, almost emotionless but it was the facade you chose to put up in order get through this talk.

“No! You—“

“Christen the last few years we have shared have been incredible and I wouldn’t change a thing. I know you are mad at me for keeping this from you but I don’t regret it. If I had it my way you would have never found out. I wanted to protect you from the pain that comes with my condition because I saw what it did to my mom and I won’t have you going through the same worry”

“Y/N” Christen doesn’t like what she is hearing.

“I love you Christen Annemarie Press more than anything in this world and it’s why I can’t be with you”

Her eyes well up within seconds. Her breathing becomes erratic and it matches the increasing beeps on your monitor. You may be calm on the outside but the wires hooked up to your chest tell a different story.

“No. You don’t get to tell me your dying then break up with me, that’s not how this ends, I won’t let it” Christen refuses to acknowledge that you have decided to end your relationship.

“Chris” You reach out for her hand but she pulls away just as your fingertips touch.

“Why are you doing this? We’ve talked about our future, marriage and kids. I may not have known you were sick but you did and you still had those conversations. Were they lies too?”

You get up out of bed against your better judgement. You ignore the pain in your chest and the rapid beeping coming from behind you.

“I never lied to you, I withheld the truth, there is a difference. Those conversations we had were a fantasy, one that made me look forward to a future I knew I might not have. I am doing this because I love you way to much to break your heart just because mine is already broken”

Your emotions are starting to get the better of you whilst Christen has tears rolling down her cheeks. It was naive to believe you could break up with the love or your life and not have her fight for you.

“You are so selfish Y/N” Christen’s sadness has turned into rage “I am willing to stand by your side though all of this and you are pushing me away. You are making a decision for our future without letting me have a say”

“I might not have a future Christen!”

The volume of your tone is the last straw. Doctors who had been monitoring your vitals come rushing into the room to make sure that you are ok, your team mates follow in suit.

“Miss Y/L/N I need you to get back into bed before you rip open your stitches” One of the nurses try to usher you back toward the bed but you don’t move.

“Christen, Listen to me. I am doing this because I love you, one day you will see that. I have to let you go”

Christen waits in your room to hear you out but she doesn’t respond before leaving.

When you are back in bed you cannot bring yourself to look at any of your team mates. There are those that knew and some that didn’t. You chose to stare out the window and your friends leave one by one, soon enough it is just Tobin and Emily in the room.

“You’re not getting the surgery?” Emily asks you. She had been the one to follow Christine to find out what happened.

“I can’t. I want to go to Tokyo and I can’t if I get it. My doctor said the risks are very high given the stress that my heart is currently under and he’s not sure if it can take it. I meant what I said on the pitch, I don’t want to die” The blonde understood your reasoning and didn’t question it any further.

Tobin on the other hand. She has had enough with your stubbornness and you knew that a lecture was coming.

“Please don’t” you beg her

“You two were made for each other and you just threw that away, why?” Tobin asks you.

“Because it easier to mourn someone you hate than someone you love”

The next month was tough. You were back in Portland, a place you called home, but you had never felt more alone. Your friends were mad at you for not getting surgery, even Christine only spoke to you when her captain duties called for it. Christen spent the first week after the incident texting and messaging you. She was fighting for your relationship but you couldn't step into the ring for her.

You had to take a temporary step back from the team to recover and get back to a place where you can play high level soccer. You released a statement saying that you were stepping away in order to focus on your health. You didn't give the fans anymore details and they respected your wishes, the press on the other hand, well they wanted to know what the damage was.

Truth is you missed your friends and the loneliness that your stubbornness caused became overwhelming which only made things worse. Your doctor was pleased with the improvements you were making but after the first few weeks things took a turn for the worse. The temporary surgery you had in Arizona had reached its limits a lot sooner than your doctor had hoped.

It was three months later when it came to a head.

"When do I have to make the decision?" you ask.

You had just completed another round of tests and as you sit in your doctor's office you can tell by the energy in the room and the lack of eye contact of his behalf that things weren't good.

"I would like to do this as soon as possible and before you ask, it is my recommendation that we do the full repair"

"But what about the risks? I want to go to Tokyo and you said the best way for me to do that is to have the smaller surgery and reevaluate when I get back"

"Y/N if we don't do this surgery I cannot guarantee that you make it to the summer"

"So what you're saying is I have the surgery or become part of the 27 club?" You let out a small chuckle but nothing about this was funny.

"I'm sorry things have come to this and I know it isn't what you wanted"

"It's ok, these things happen" It was as if you had already admitted defeat.

When you get up from your chair it's as if time had slowed down. You walked over the window which ironically looks over Providence park. You had made so many memories there and you truly thought you would have years to make more, now though you're not too sure.

"Can I give you a piece of advice?" your doctor stands beside you "Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be about this but you can't close yourself off from everybody. You shouldn't keep your friends at arms length Y/N, they are there because they want to support you"

"I don't want to become their problem" you confess.

"I made a promise to someone but they're not my patient you are" He goes back to his desk "Christen Press calls my office once a week to get updates on you"

You were both happy and angry after hearing this. On one hand it was nice to know she still cared but you had been killing yourself, literally, so that you could keep her away from this and your doctor has been telling her anyways.

"You had no right"

"No I didn't but it was the right thing to do. That women loves you Y/N. When faced with death most of my patients live life there's no tomorrow. They do all the things that are on their bucket list, they make memories with their friends and confess their feelings but you, you have done the opposite. You refuse to see or speak to anyone unless it is unavoidable and you push away the woman you love most in this world. I made a decision, one that I won't apologise for"

At this point your doctor was like family so he didn't mind calling you out when your were being stubborn or stupid.

"What if I hurt her?"

Dying doesn't scare you because you had been preparing for it your entire life. Being the reason that Christen cries herself to sleep at night, that is one of your greatest fears.

"You already are by pushing her away"

You knew he was right. It became obvious the moment you broke up with her but in your eyes you were hurting her a little bit now in order to keep from hurting a lot more later on.

"Can I call you tomorrow with an answer?"

"Of course"

When you leave his office your phone feels like it's burning a hole in your pocket. Every part of you wanted to hear Christen's voice but something was stopping you.

Ignorance had been your greatest ally as of late. If you weren't at the hospital or at rehab then you would tell yourself that you are healthy but you were no longer able to ignore the uncertainty of your future. Portland has been home since you went No1 in the draft so subconsciously you take yourself to Providence park which isn’t all that strange considering it’s about this time of day when training ends. You stop at a poster of you and Tobin after you won the championship last season, the two of you looked so happy and carefree.

"It's a good photo" you don't need to turn around in order to know who is there.

"Y/N and Heath, Portland's unstoppable force" It was a nickname that the fans gave the both of you years ago and it has stuck ever since.

"Well one of us is" Tobin jokes.

"I guess I deserve that. I've missed you Tobs" you hug her tightly with a force that she returns.

"You're scaring us Y/N. Everyone is worried about you. Christen isn't herself, she is barely sleeping, every time she closes her eyes she sees you on that pitch or worse. She told me the other night that she finds herself walking through cemetery and it is your headstone that she goes to"

"I never wanted any of this to happen. I just wanted to protect her, you do know that don't you?"

"Of course I do and she does too. I know you don't want to talk about it but please tell me you're getting better" Tobin pleads.

"I wish I could. I'm not going to go into detail because I don't want to put you in a position where you have to lie but I need to have the big surgery, the one I have been putting off, and i'm not sure if i'm ready to have it yet"

"You're scared?" Tobin asks and you nod "You will make the right decision Y/N and I know you want to do this alone but if you want me to then i'll be by your side through it all"

The offer meant more than Tobin knew. You truly thought that your behaviour over the past couple of months had burnt the bridges that you call your friendships.

"Thank you Tobin"

She joins you as you wander the city but after an hour she picks up on the fact that you wanted to be alone and before leaving she reminds you once again that she is only a call away should you need her.

You find a bench that over looks the water. You put your earphones in and dial Christen's number, praying to the higher powers that she answers, she doesn't. It didn't come as a surprise, you didn't deserve her time. You try again only this time you decide to leave a voicemail.

"Hi bab—, sorry I mean Christen, it's Y/N. I have been told that I should talk to someone and you are the first person that came to my mind. I—“

"Y/N? Are you ok? Is something wrong"

"Christen?" you pull your phone out of your pocket to see if the call has connected "you didn't pick up, I thought I was leaving a voicemail"

"Sorry I was in the shower. Is everything ok?"

"I want to talk to you but I need you to treat me like the old Y/N, not the weak and broken Y/N"

"You're not broken Y/N. You are human and sometimes humans get sick"

"Chris, please"

"Girlfriend Y/N or cocky and confident Y/N? Just so I know which Y/N I am speaking to?" she chuckles slightly as she allows herself to get lost in the game are playing.

"The one that loves you unconditionally"

"My favourite Y/N"

You ignore the butterflies that you feel when you hear Christen's voice. Despite everything that is going on with you and her, she still manages to calm you down without even trying.

"I remember the first time you took me home to meet your family, I was so nervous. I know how much they mean to you and although you are this independent woman who doesn't need anyones approval, you still wanted theirs and I thought for certain I wouldn't get it"

This was news to Christen. She couldn't have imagined this is how you felt given the way you strode into the Press family full of confidence and not willing to let anyone get in the way of your relationship.

"I didn't know that"

"Can you remember the end of the night when you Dad asked to speak to me outside?" you hear Christen hum on the other end "That was the calmest I had been the entire night"

"Y/N, that doesn't make sense"

"It does because I knew the 'nobody will be good enough for my daughter' speech was coming. He asked me if I deserved to be in his daughters life and I said no. It was an easy answer because although I had known you for a few years, we had only being dating for a few months and in that time you showed me just how amazing you are and part of me knew from the moment I met you that you were too good for me Christen. The next morning Channing and Tyler cornered me in the kitchen and asked me the same type of question. The only person who didn't was your mom"

"She told me to tell that she's really mad at you"

"She'll have to get in line. Can I continue?"

You take her silence as a yes.

"Your mom asked me why I don't trust that her daughter is making the right decision. I said because i'm not capable of loving you like you deserve and whether it be in one year or ten years, I will break your heart"

"Y/N"

"She told me breaking someone's heart isn't always a bad thing because if you have the power to do that then they must love you with every fibre of their being and that isn't something to be sad about. She said when the day comes, I won't do it on purpose because if I do then I would be hurting myself in the process"

"When the day comes? She knew?"

"I asked myself the same question. Her words were filled with so much comfort that I was sure she did but it wasn't possible"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I knew from day one that this wasn't going to end well and I pursued it anyways. I was selfish and I have hurt you when I spent years making sure that didn't happen"

When the line goes quiet you are sure that Christen has hung up. You wouldn't be angry if she did, it was nice of her to give you the time that she had.

"Can you remember the night before the world cup final when we walked the streets of Paris?"

This is how the rest of the night went. You and Christen went back and forth sharing your favourite memories from your time together. Every so often she would change the subject to your health but it was only for a second then she would go back to her story.

The night draws in and the temperature drops but you are too content sitting by the water, admiring the view and talking to Christen. A dog comes running up to you, the bark makes Christen question where you are.

"Y/N where are you?"

"On a bench"

"You should go home"

"But I don't want to say goodbye"

Both of you go silent. The heaviness of the words you just said bring back the reality of what has been going in.

"There's no reason for you to say goodbye" Christen says and it's obvious even she didn't believe the words that are coming out of her mouth.

"Chris"

"No, I won't have this conversation with you over the phone. If you want to say your goodbyes then you do it in person"

"I love you and my heart, as broken as it may be, belongs to you and it will do until my last day on earth and then long into the afterlife"

A strong sense of Deja Vu hits you and Christen. You had said this before but the meaning is different now.

"Stop"

"I need surgery Christen and the risks are high but if I don't have it then I don't know how long—“

"Y/n, please" Christen begs you from her end of the phone "I know you broke up with me and I know why but I love you"

"Christen, stop. I can tell what you're thinking. Please don't come to Portland"

"But I want to be with you"

"I am only a phone call away but I need space to do this ok?"

"I want to make a deal. No more radio silence. You call me every day, whether it is a good day or a bad one. I'll give you your space but I need you in my life"

Christen's determination was admirable and you wouldn't expect anything less.

"We have a deal"

"Pinky promise?"

"Ok"

"I need to hear you say it"

"Christen I pinky promise to call you everyday"

You decided not to get the major surgery. Life is short, you know this more than most, so you took your chances and worked with the physios to get you fit and healthy in time for the summer. It was difficult and there were days that you felt like giving up but you persisted, maybe a little too hard.

The bad days came along more than the good days but you kept your promise to christen. You called her everyday, sometimes twice.

You were promised a spot on the olympic roster if the doctors cleared you. It didn't matter if you didn't take part in the camps. The staff and players knew you belonged on the team, you could take a year off and still step on the pitch like no time had passed.

Just before the send off series, a rematch against Canada was organised. Due to the history of the fixture both teams felt they owed the fans a full 90 minute match. They agreed to have the game in Portland seen as though the city means so much to you.

Christen wanted to go to your apartment as soon as she landed but in the end she chooses to respect your wishes.

Your absence in the locker room was obvious. It was the first time that the national team had played without you in years and each player struggled with the thought of not having you on the pitch with them. Christen kept checking her phone every few minutes, you hadn’t had your morning call and something didn’t feel right. What she saw next seemed to add fuel to the fire.

“You can’t wear that?” Christen says when she watches Mallory change into her shorts. There on the left side was the number 7.

“Y/N told me to wear it” Mal’s defence was honest. She remembers getting the call from you, at first it was strange but then you explained the reason why and the young forward saw it as an honour.

“She would never do that” it is Tobin who speaks up “It’s her number and she wouldn’t give it up, not when she knows she’s—“ your best friends stops herself when she realises what you have done.

“When she’s what?” Mal asks.

“Never mind” Tobin retreats to her locker where she tries to call you only to get your voicemail.

The game ends in a 1-1 draw. Both halves were uneventful but the post match press conference made up for that. Canada goes first and as Christine Sinclair sits down she has no idea what she is in for.

The US team watch from the changing room given that their captain is next and they want to see what she gets asks.

“Christine do you have a comment on the latest news regarding your Portland Thorns team mate Y/N Y/L/N?”

It was a question that threw not only her off but the entire USWNT locker room. As far as they were aware you were recovering well and on track to return to the team.

“What news is that?” Christine says as she ignores the pit that is forming in her stomach.

“What are they talking about?” Christen asks Tobin. The insecurities of been left in the dark regarding your condition come straight to the surface.

“I don’t know” Tobin tries to hide her worry.

The journalist who asked the question remains quiet. It was clear that Christine didn’t know what he was talking about and he knew that a press conference wasn’t the right place to tell her and he shouldn't be the one to do so.

“Tell me, please” Christine encourages the journalist.

“I have a source that tells me Y/N was brought into OHSU this morning by ambulance and that she was rushed into emergency heart surgery” she can tell by the tone of his voice that he didn’t want to say it.

“This press conference is over” Christine leaves and heads straight for the opposing teams locker room.

The room that holds your team is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. They were all in a state of shock that left them frozen in their spot. The first to move is Emily who calls your number time and time again hoping that if she does it enough then you will pick up. Tobin is next, she calls you mom who doesn’t answer either.

“Hello”

Christen’s voice fills the locker room.

“Ok, I understand”

Her team mates watch and wait for her to tell them something, anything. Christen takes a deep breathe before turning her attention to the team.

“That was her doctor’s office. All they can tell me is that she is in surgery”

Christen takes a deep breath. A few days ago she begged you for honesty and against your better judgement you gave it to her. You told her everything and what followed was never part of your plan. After cooking a meal together over face time Christen asked you to say goodbye and you knew you owed her that. It wasn't a sad goodbye and you didn't talk about your past. You talked about a life where you are healthy, get married, have children and live long enough to grow old together then at the end you said your goodbyes.

It is the reason why Christen remains in her locker when the rest of the team get ready to go the hospital. Even as Christine comes to tell them the news that they already know, she remains still and calm.

"Christen, get your stuff together, we need to go" Tobin tells her.

Yet she doesn't move.

"I'm not going"

"I understand that things aren't great between the two of you but this is bad and she needs you"

That's the thing, even though you wasn't dating, you and Christen were in a good place. There were no more lies between you and it made your friendship stronger than it ever was.

"I've already said my goodbye and I don't want my last memory to be of her in a hospital bed"

The team couldn't believe what they were hearing. They had no idea you were at a point when goodbyes were necessary.

Given the seriousness of the surgery you were having, most of the team decide to go back to the hotel while a handful of them went to to the hospital.

Christen however asks for space and the team give it to her. She doesn't go back to the hotel, instead she goes to your apartment and uses the key you gave her to let herself in. She goes straight to your room and gets changed into a pair of your joggers and grabs a hoodie as she brings it up to her nose she takes a deep breathe in, it smelled just like you.

She gets into your bed, the one that you shared many times before. Then she gets her phone, opens up your thread of messages and scrolls until she find the one she is looking for. It was a voice note followed by the text 'don't listen now. Wait until it's time'. At first she thought it was vague but right now she knew now is the time you were referring to.

Hearing your voice knowing that there's a chance she won't hear it in person again brings Christen to tears and all you're doing is mumbling words of frustration as you have knocked a drink over whilst recording.

"Sorry about that. Now, what was I going to say? Oh yeah, I love you. It's been a while since I have told you that but if you're listening to this then i'm guessing you need to hear it. I know you are scared right now but I want you to know everything is going to be ok, I promise"

"How can you promise that?" Christen says to the phone.

"And I can promise that because you are one of the strongest people I have ever met"

She laughs at little at how much you know her.

"I know we said our goodbyes but now I want to say thank you. Living the life I have means that I have cherished everyday I've spent on this earth and those days have been better than I could have ever imagined because I got to share them with you. You see I was determined not to fall in love but then you came along and I found out how naive I was to think I had a choice in the matter"

"I didn't have a choice either Y/N" she replies as if you are there in the room with her.

"I never feared death growing up but now the thought petrifies me and it's because I have something to lose and somebody to live for. I want a future with you, I want to marry you, will you marry me? No Y/N what are you doing you can't ask the women to marry you over voice note pull yourself to together"

A small chuckle escapes christen's lips are she listens to you tell your self off.

"Would you marry me?"

She had never heard you sound this unsure before.

"I would" she answers your questions.

"I hope you said yes otherwise this next part is going to be very awkward. I take it your in my apartment right now and in my bed, if I am correct then you can open the draw to the left of you where you will find a small box"

Christen's interest had spiked. How did you manage to plan all of this over a voice note. Just as you said she finds a red box and awaits further instructions.

"Open it"

She does so and finds a diamond ring.

"This ring is open for interpretation but for me it's a reminder. Should I die I want you to remember the love that I have for you. I bought it during the world cup but I told myself that I would only give you it after I had told you about my condition. Can I class this as me giving it to you?"

You are about to answer your own question once again but out of nowhere you begin coughing and Christen winces at the sound. She doesn't know when you recorded the message but given that you are in surgery she can guess it was recorded in the last couple of days.

"Sorry, give me a minute"

Christen listens as you try to get your breath back.

"I really hope this is not the last time you hear my voice" she can tell you are scared.

"My dying wish is that you find peace"

"Don't say that" Christen begs.

"I truly am sorry for the pain that I have caused you. I never wanted it to happen. Goodbye my love"

Christen waits for you to say to more but you don't. That is the last part of the voice note. She lays in your bed long enough to watch the sunset through your window. In the same draw that held the ring is a photo album, one that you had made. There were photos taken over your career, of you and your friends and quite a few of you and her.

Later that night Christen receives a text from Tobin saying that you are out of surgery and that you should wake up in a few hours once the anaesthesia has worn off. Then she received a second message saying that you had woken up but Christen stayed in your apartment. When her phone goes off again she assumes it will be Tobin asking why she hasn't come to visit but that isn't the case.

Have you been watering my cactus?

Christen cannot believe it. You have just had major heart surgery and this is the thing you say.

You don't need to water a cactus. They live in the desert.

I knew that. I was just testing you.

She doesn't get the chance to respond before you send another message.

I know I scared you. Will you come and see me? It doesn't have to be today, it can be in a couple of days or whenever you are ready. It's not like I can go anywhere.

I'll come by the day after tomorrow. You need your rest.

You were disappointed to receive Christen's reply. You may have been surrounded by your mom and close friends but the only person want to see wasn't there.

Just as she said, Christen walks the halls of the hospital two days later. She finds your room but cannot muster up enough courage to go inside.

"She's ok" your mom's voice causes her to turn on her heels "The wires make it look worse than it actually is"

"I don't know if i'm ready to see her like that yet" Christen admits. It was the reason why she had waited this long to come.

"I understand but she has been waiting for you. You were the first person she asked for when she woke up"

"Is she alone?"

"No Tobin is in there with her now. She hasn't left the hospital since she got here after the game but she was asleep when I left. I'll give you some time with her" and with that your mom walks away.

The door to your hospital room opens and you are expecting your mom or more doctors but instead it is the person you love most in the world.

"Hi"

When you see Christen you notice the dark circles in her eyes and the way her smile is forced. You look her up and down as if doing your own inspection and that is when you see it.

Christen is overcome with emotion as she saunters over towards you and before you can say anything her lips are on yours. Nothing in this world compared to moments like this, when your connection with Christen is proven through a small act of intimacy.

When you pull apart Christen sits on the side of your bed.

"Nice ring" you hold her hand up just enough to see the diamond glisten in the lights.

"Crappy proposal"

At least now you know Christen listened to the voice note and wasn't just snooping around.

"It's wasn't a proposal remember? And I don't recall telling you which finger it was for" There is a hint of playfulness in your voice but the truth of the matter is you were happy to see Christen wearing the ring but then she takes it off and gives it to you.

"Y/N you gave me this ring because you thought our story was over but it isn't. Regardless of how long it is, we have a future together and I want to spend it with you so no more running, no more secrets or lies and no more protecting me from this" Christen gentles rests her index finger on your heart "You may not have proposed but right here I take the vow to love you in sickness and in health and to be your partner in the good times and bad"

You didn't know what to say. Christen knew everything and she still chose to stand by your side. You always said you didn't deserve her and now you know this more than ever but the difference is you are determined to spend your life making up for the years you spent keeping her in the dark. You will earn back her trust and show her just how much you love her.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt one shot #uswnt imagine #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso one shot #christen press x reader #christen press imagine #christen press one shot #angel city fc x reader

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jungle-angel · 6 months

Text

Two Boys and a History Class (Bob Floyd x Reader)

Summary: Normally you and Bob would leave Auggie with your in-laws, but since his mother is having surgery, you officially welcome him into the classroom family

Tagging: @bobfloydsbabe Helena I couldn't help myself with this one because the thought of Bob with a baby does things to me that I just can't explain (lol). I hope you're ok with me including Auggie in some of these and I apologize in advance, the baby fever is out of control at my end (lol).

Warnings: Mentions of a breeding kink, Bob popping off on a visiting teacher who's clearly beneath him etc.

"Alright, so does anybody have any clue as to what the most important part of Erik the Red's reign was?" Bob enquired.

"Not only was he an explorer but didn't he found the first settlement in Greenland?" Deshawn asked.

"You would be right my friend!" Bob declared proudly. "Erik the Red was indeed an explorer and did also found one of the first Viking colonies in Greenland...."

He was suddenly interrupted by the click of the door handle and the creaking of the classroom door before Mrs. Hess, the painting teacher, stuck her head in the door.

"Mr. Floyd might I borrow you for a minute?"

Bob signaled for the class to wait a minute before he followed Mrs. Hess out into the hallway. "I'm so sorry to bother you Bob," she apologized. "But your father came by with the baby."

"Is everything ok?"

"Oh yes," Mrs. Hess assured him. "Auggie's fine but he said that your mother's surgery was moved to later this afternoon and they won't allow him to take him."

"Shit," Bob hissed.

"My thoughts exactly," Mrs. Hess said. "Your wife said she's going to get him but I think she also asked about combining classes."

"Perfect timing," Bob said. "We do that every Friday afternoon."

"Wonderful!" Mrs. Hess said, breathing a sigh of relief. "I'll tell you right now too, if that detestable visiting teacher says anything to you or to (y/n) I'll have him shipped to my neck of the woods and see how he deals with the folks in Chatham County, Georgia."

Bob had to laugh. Just like Mrs. Reyes, no one dared to mess with Mrs. Hess. She was a Southern lady through and through and always had a good quip for anyone who got on her bad side. The high schoolers even had their own slogan for kids coming fresh out of the lower school......"don't mess with the Hess."

Bob waited patiently for you to come down the hall with baby Auggie. "Alright guys, it's looking like it's that hour!" Bob announced once he was back in the room. "And this time Mrs. Floyd brought a little guest this afternoon."

All of the students collectively gasped when they saw you walk in with the baby. Any time you brought Auggie in, the grew excited beyond words. Nobody in the entire school could resist his cuteness, let alone the fact that he looked so much like Bob.

"Everybody put the desks together," you announced, carefully picking Auggie up out of his carseat.

"You want me to take him sweetheart?" Bob asked you.

"Do you mind?" you asked Bob.

"It's not a problem at all," he told you. "We made him together and it means I help you shoulder the duty together."

"You're right," you told him. "But lest you forget mister, that part of the reason we made him was due to that fiery breeding kink you keep buried until we're home alone."

Bob chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Don't even start," you laughed, warning him. "Let's get back to business."

You and Bob wrangled together your students to continue the lesson while Bob kept Auggie safe and secure in the curve of his arm.

"Now in Mrs. Floyd's literature block," Bob continued, touching up his notes on the chalkboard. "We're at a point where the Fellowship has reached the woods of Lothlorien and left behind the mines of Moria. What sticks out to you guys most in this part? Any major themes? Elements? Justin."

"Um, I'd say the biggest one is kinda that darkness turning to light," Justin Daly answered. "I remember picturing the scene in the films where the mines were like really deep darkness and then you get to the woods where at night it's all brightly lit."

"That is an excellent point," Bob told him, adjusting Auggie so that the baby rested against his chest. "We come across alot of that throughout the books, but also vice versa, right?"

"Right!" the students responded.

A knock at the door suddenly had Bob rolling his eyes. "We're not to be disturbed!!" Bob announced loudly.

"Mr. Floyd, it's Mr. D'Nadi," answered the male voice on the other side of the door.

Bob groaned and rolled his eyes. All of the students fell quiet as Bob opened the door to find the pretentious visiting teacher from another school standing before him.

"You're not wearing dress slacks but jeans?" Mr. D'Nadi asked.

"In some cultures I'd be considered overdressed," Bob informed him.

"Yes well, I um.....I came to enquire about that proposal you're working on for the school?"

"Yes," Bob said flatly.

"I cannot stress enough that the proposal is what's able to allow your students to go on these field trips that you plan every year," D'Nadi explained rather sharply. "If you plan on taking these kids to Norway....."

"Already done," Bob told him.

"Mr. Floyd....."

"Listen dipshit," Bob interrupted. "We all know that you're only here as a visiting teacher......keyword there....visiting. You are merely here to observe and then go home. Under no circumstances were you to tell anybody in this school what to do or how to implement their lessons."

"Listen I know it's more responsibility but...."

"Do not lecture me on responsibility," Bob told him sharply. "As you can see, Mrs. Floyd and I take care of our students who are like our own family and if your observation skills were up to par, you'd see that we've got a baby to take care of as well. Now if you'll please remove yourself and your foot from the door, that'd be great."

"You do know that protocol doesn't allow you to bring your own children to work?" D'Nadi tried to tell him.

"Fire me," Bob told him before shutting the door right in D'Nadi's face before he could say anything else.

Bob pressed a soft little kiss to Auggie's cheek before turning back to the students who were trying not to giggle.

"Shall we keep going guys?" he asked them.

Both you and the students cheered and applauded Bob, without a doubt proving that he was the best history teacher in the entire school.

#top gun maverick #robert bob floyd #teacher!bob #teacher!bob x teacher!reader #teacher!bob floyd

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starfirewildheart · 3 months

Text

Chapter 15

Scars and Souvenirs

Summary: Sy and his lady both retire from the army but not before tragedy befalls Sy. He slowly tries to adjust to life again on their ranch.

Pairing: Sy / OFC

Word count: 2,527

Rating: Adult only no one under 18

Warnings: Description of physical abuse, death, torture, medical description

Sy paced back and forth in the hospital waiting area. He was flexing his hands at his sides, making fists and then stretching his fingers as he walked, replaying in his mind everything that he had seen when they found Debbie and Mike. The doctors have been with both of them for about hour now and they were still waiting for word. It was beginning to get to him. He wanted to see her and he wanted to see her now.

Geralt watched Sy from a chair in the corner. He knew how upset he was understandably but he was afraid he was going to have to intervene. Sy looked like he was about to lose his mind. Just as Geralt was about to stand up and say something, a doctor came out of the double doors at the end of the corridor.

“I'm looking for the family of Callaway, Debbie Calloway.”

“Is she okay? Is she going to be okay?” Sy asked pleadingly.

The doctor held up his hand to try to calm the distraught man down. “Please, sit,” he motioned to a chair.

“I'll stand,” Sy said through his clenched jaw.

“She has a lot of injuries. We're doing everything that we can but I'm afraid that treatment and recovery will be extensive.”

“We are worried about infection due to the material that was in the burns. We have to wait to do surgery in order to make sure there's not an infection. We've got to give her antibiotics first.”

“Material?” Geralt asked.

“The burns,” he paused to gather his thoughts on how best to explain. “The best we can discern is that the burns were made with two different objects. Some were made through her clothing and some on bare skin. The ones made over clothing caused some fibers to sear into the skin around the edges of the burns.”

Sy paled even more and saw Geralt step closer to him. The doctor continued with his list. “Her right knee has been damaged so we have orthopedics looking at that as well as her shoulders and hip.” He continued when Sy didn't respond. “The left shoulder has been dislocated though both shoulders show muscle and tissue damage.”

“She was found hanging by her wrists,” Sy croaked, not even recognizing his own voice.

The doctor nodded. “So far the damage to her wrists has been tissue related. Her hip is fractured, it's a hairline fracture and there is an extensive bruise there. Her right orbital socket is broken and there is swelling in her neck. She has extensive cuts and abrasions.”

Sy's knees went weak and his legs felt like jello but he forced himself not to react. “I want to see her.” The metal doors swung open again and another doctor came out. Sy turned his attention back to the doctor in front of him.

“She is still being treated but as soon as we can I will take you to her.”

Before Sy could argue the other doctor approached. “Are you Syverson?”

“Yeah.”

“I'm Mike's doctor.”

Sy internally berated himself. He hadn’t even asked about Mike. “Is he ok?”

“He has a displaced fracture of the radius and ulna in his left forearm, a broken right wrist, two broken ribs and several contusions. He's going to have to have surgery on his arm and wrist but he is stable physically. Mentally he's quite traumatized and is fighting when anyone gets near him.”

“Can I go to him?” Sy asked.

The doctor nodded, “we were hoping you could try to calm him down some or we will have to sedate him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Get the fuck away from me!” Mike yelled as loud as his horse voice would allow. He couldn't throw anything but he kicked out at anything he could reach and managed to connect with a couple of people and an instrument tray sending it crashing to the floor. To his relief the doctor returned and asked everyone to step out.

Once the room cleared Sy went in followed by Geralt who refused to leave his side. He stepped up to the side of the gurney and his heart broke all over again at the terrified look on Mike's face. “Easy,” he kept his tone soft and low. “You're safe now kid. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt ya.” Like I already have, he finished in his own head.

Mike pressed himself as far against the opposite rail as he could get as hot tears streamed down his face. Sy surely hated him now and was going to kill him. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” he mumbled over and over as he rocked back and forth.

“You have nothing to be sorry for Mike.” He took a step forward and Mike coward so he adjusted his tactic. He sat on the edge of the gurney. “You didn't do anything to be sorry for.”

“Happened cause of me. He…he..ssold mmee”

“Yea, he did,” Sy growled. “And he's gonna pay for that too but you didn't cause this.”

“But I c..c..couldn't sssstop them. I let thhhem hurt her,” he sobbed.

“Michael,” Sy said sternly. “Come here.” He helped move Mike back to the center of the bed and get him more comfortable but Mike clung to him. Sy carefully wrapped him in a hug and held the trembling boy to his chest while he sobbed. After what felt like an hour Sy was holding all of Mike's weight and assumed he'd fallen asleep. He turned his head and motioned for Geralt .

Gearlt went to the opposite side of the bed. “What do you need?” He asked softly.

“Help me lay him back. I don't want to hurt his ribs or arms.” They laid Mike back on the pillows and to Sy's surprise he was still awake and looking at him with red, puffy eyes. “Thought you fell asleep,” he smiled at him.

There was a knock on the door and two federal agents walked in. “Mike Holmes?”

Mike whimpered and Sy moved himself between Mike and the agents. “He needs his rest guys. Now's not a good time.”

“I know it's bad timing but we need his story while it's still fresh,” the agent explained.

Sy looked at Mike who reluctantly nodded his head. “Stay?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Right by your side kid.” To prove his point he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Mike recounted a lot of their ordeal but before long he worked himself up into a panic attack. Sy was right there calming him and pushing the button for the nurse.

“That's it for today,” Sy stood and ushered the officers out the door. “He gave you a statement and descriptions, that's all he can do now. He has surgery soon and needs time to heal.”

“This isn't over,” the detective growled at Sy. “I say when we're done!”

Sy's jaw snapped shut as his eyebrow rose into his hairline. Geralt was on his feet in an instant as he saw Sy react and managed to get between them. “Fuck you! It's over when I say it's over you piece of shit! They were fucking hurt because of a dirty fucking cop and you have the nerve to give me shit?”

“Enough,” Geralt growled, pushing Sy back against the wall. “Calm the fuck down before you get kicked out.” The thought of being kept away from Debbie stole Sy's breath and he clamped his jaw shut again. Geralt pulled out his wallet and threw a business card at the officers feet. “Any questions go through their attorney from now on that goes for Mike and Debbie. Leave.”

Sy slid down the wall to the floor in the hallway with his knees as close to his chest as his big frame would allow as he rested his face in his hands. Security escorted the officers out of the ICU corridor while Mike's doctor rushed in to check on him.

Gerat knelt next to Sy. He could feel him trembling and knew he was barely holding it together. “I'm here Sy, I've got you.” He squeezed his shoulder to try and anchor him.

Debbie's doctor stepped around the corner searching for Sy when he saw him distraught on the floor. “What's going on here?”

“Cops questioned Mike. He gave all the statement that he could before going into panic distress. Sy asked them to leave, that he'd had enough and one of them turned on Sy and started yelling. He told Sy HE'D say when it was over,” Geralt explained.

The doctor sighed and shook his head before stepping to the nurses station to call for security. Once the arrived they moved back to Sy who got to his feet afraid the doctor was going to have him thrown out. “please, I..”

“Mr. Syverson you are going through enough right now without dealing with outside pressure. I'm going to put visitations as approved list only for both Mr. Holmes and Ms. Calloway. I can have security posted at their doors if you request.”

“I've already attained private security for both of them,” Sy told him.

“I can provide you with pictures and id's of each team member,” Geralt told him. “In fact there are two of them now “ he nodded toward August and Napoleon approaching them.

“Mr. Syverson if you will come with me I'll take you to see Ms. Calloway while they take care of sitting up your security.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Sy walked into the sterile looking room and the first thing he saw was a bank of ivs and monitors surrounding a hospital bed then he saw her. She was cocooned in bandages, rolled blankets, sheets and pillows. What was visible of her skin was black and blue and swollen. He felt a chair hit the back of his legs and he gratefully collapsed into it as he carefully took her hand in his and sobbed. “I promise you these assholes are gonna pay. They will pray for death before we are done,” he gritted as much to himself as her.

About an hour had passed before Geralt and August entered Debbie's room where Sy was still sitting holding her hand. Both men cringed at how bad she looked, glancing at each other in silence. August squeezed Sy's should in a show of support before walking around the room with a device scanning everything.. Sy frowned but didn't speak. He knew August was checking for listening devices. The device beeped when August scanned the tray table, a ceiling tile and one last time under her bed. He and Geralt quickly removed and destroyed the devices.

“How the fuck did they even know this was going to be her room,” Sy huffed.

“There were two in Mike's room as well,” August supplied. I asked the doctor who knew which rooms they were going to. He gave me a list of the staff that knew so we started asking questions. Long story short, when the detectives called to see if Debbie and Mike were stable they were told what rooms they were going to be in because the police weren't allowed in the trauma rooms.”

“The quick dive we did on immediate hospital staff that will be interacting with them shows them all clean, as is your friend Walter. He wants to see you and them,” Geralt told him. Sy just nodded, his eyes not leaving Debbie.

“We have four of the five men who were responsible for torturing them,” August said cautiously.

Sy's blue eyes shot up to meet his. “Why not five?” He demanded.

August looked at Debbie with admiration. “She killed the fifth one. From what we gathered he was trying ‘to break the kid in’ and he stepped a little too close to her. She wrapped her legs around his neck and choked him out and somehow managed to get her legs in a position to snap his neck. It's how she dislocated her shoulder.”

“How do you know that's the truth?” Sy asked.

“The kid told us,” Geralt explained. “Said you told him we were here to protect the two of them and he wanted us to be sure she wouldn't get in trouble. He said if someone had to be punished to say it was him. It was so unbelievable, how she did it, that him doing it would be more believable anyway,” Geralt explained.

“He described the men to Solo and I while we were waiting for the ambulance. I looked up mugshots of the gang members and he pointed them out, ” August added. “Your friend Marshall delivered the cop that set them up.”

“This is your call Sy,” Geralt told him. Do you want us to deal with them..”

“They're mine,” he snarled. “Keep them alive until I'm ready. I'm not leaving her until I know she's ok.”

“Anticipation and fear is a good start for the bastards . We'll ramp up the audio, visual and sensory stimulation while they wait,” August grinned, sadistically.

“Shaw is working out a schedule so we can cover both places,” Geralt offered.

“Make sure Mike's covered. I've got her,” his eyes were still locked on Debbie.

“Bullshit,” both men said in unison.

“You think I can't defend what's mine?” Sy bristled as he got to his feet.

“No one said that you prick,” August rolled his eyes.

Geralt sighed, these two were like teenagers when they were together on a good day. On an emotionally charged day they usually ended up throwing fists. “No one said you couldn't Syverson but you shouldn't. Your attention should be focused on her and the kid, not your surroundings or weather or not some random staff member has been cleared.”

“He knows that, he just thinks he's superman,” August huffed.

“Imma show you superman,” Sy stepped forward pushing against Geralt.

“Come on,” August made a bring it gesture with his hand.

“Enough!” Geralt growled. “I'm gonna bend you both over my fuckin knee if you don't stop it!”

Both big men were stunned into silence. Sy sighed and plopped back down in the chair next to Debbie.

“I want you on the other side of her bed,” Geralt told him. “I don't want your back to the door.”

Sy got up and Geralt moved his chair for him. On the way past August, Sy smacked him in the back of the head with a loud pop. August of course retaliated and tried to do the same but Sy ducked his swing. He grinned at him as he sat down in the chair only to have the back of his head smacked by Geralt. "Ow!”

“Stop it you you will both frog march up and down the fuckin hall until you puke!”

“Yes sir,” came two petulant replies. He shook his head but chuckled.

Tag List

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@mollymal

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#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x reader #syverson fluff #syverson x you #henry cavill characters #captain syverson fanfiction #syverson

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ollypopwrites · 9 days

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So, I'll be having some minor surgery in a couple months. I thought it would be cool to have Gale worried for/doting on [reader or tav] before and after. idk if that's weird or whatever, but just the idea of Gale being comforting, concerned, and just loving as all get out would make me feel a lot more at ease with this whole ordeal. I hope this is an ok prompt to request, but I understand if it's uncomfy for reasons.

Oh, anon I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I hope I can give you even the smallest bit of comfort, and thank you for your request 💜 here is about 1k words of pure comfort and doting.

Books and Basalm [also readable on Ao3]

Tav x Gale [Gender-nooch Tav. No pronouns used for Tav and no descriptions of any physical features at all.]

CW/Tags: medical/hospital type situation (not detailed in any way). FLUFF. All comfort no hurt.

Despite having read everything he could get his hands on about the procedure, and asking the cleric so many questions Tav had to gently tell him to leave the poor man alone, Gale was not allowed in the room. He’d made his displeasure very known, but Tav had patted his hand in a clear signal to shut up. He physically had to bite his own tongue to prevent more nervous babbling.

“I think we ought to get started,” the cleric said to Tav with a smile. Despite his obvious disinterest in speaking any further with Gale, he at least kept his bedside manner for his patient.

“You’ll be here when it’s done?” Tav asked.

Gale knelt next to the bed, ignoring the crackling protest of his knees. “I’ll be on the other side of this door the entire time.” He pointed to the very one which he would be sure not to leave. “The Gods themselves couldn’t pull me away.”

Tav laughed a little at the dramatics and leaned into the gentle kiss he gave. After a few final kisses and another pressed atop Tav’s head for good measure, Gale pulled himself away. He stationed himself directly on the other side of the door, as he had promised. He was a logical man, he saw sense and reason before much else, but he was at his core quite prone to wild emotion despite his academic mind.

Leading up to that moment there was not much he didn’t do by Tav’s side. Even when they had been out on the road, while he never had much skill in healing magic, he had always been nearby enough to know what was going on. All he could manage this time was his assurance Tav had the best healers the city could offer and a tower over-prepared to accommodate the recovery.

It took hours. He didn’t notice irritated looks of the other healers walking through the halls when he began to pace back and forth, only stopping to lean his back against the wall and then have to move again once his mind took off. It was impossible to keep still for very long.

When he was finally allowed back in the room, Tav was still asleep thanks to a potion and the cleric was assuring him everything went fine. Once Tav woke up, they could make their way back to the comfort of the tower. While the cleric started giving instructions for recovery, Gale found himself cutting him off with his new extensive knowledge on the subject, watching the cleric grow annoyed at him again. Gale was used to people’s thinly veiled irritation at his volubility, but be it nerves or something else he couldn’t stop himself.

The cleric excused himself as soon as he possibly could, and Gale sat nearby, ready to be the first thing Tav saw after waking up. He mindlessly practiced somatic movements, he flipped through his spellbook distractedly and then mentally triple checked he had everything he needed to properly care for Tav back at the tower. To him, it felt like hours, but in reality it didn’t take too long for Tav to wake up from the sleep potion that had been administered for the procedure. Eyes blinking open, Tav groaned, and Gale jumped up to shush and soothe them.

“There you are, my love,” he said quietly. “How do you feel?”

“Tired,” Tav groaned. “Sore.”

“Completely normal,” he pressed a kiss to Tav’s forehead, “we’ll get you home and with a cup of tea for the pain expeditiously.”

“It went alright?” Tav asked.

“The cleric has no concerns,” he smiled, “all that’s left to do is rest and recover.”

The cleric came in for a final check in, making sure Tav was alright to head back home. The waiting was the worst part, Gale was certain they need not put off leaving where Tav could rest well and with whatever could possibly be needed. It took some creativity on Gale’s part to get them both safely back to their bedroom in the tower with no added strain on Tav, but he managed it.

Tara sat perched expectantly on the bed, head tilted in quiet examination. “Welcome home,” she said, tail flicking back and forth behind her. “everything went well, I hope?”

“Besides the pain, I think I’m alright,” Tav smiled tiredly.

“Tea!” Gale said insistently. “I have tea that will be just the thing.”

Gale got Tav situated in the bed, with pillows arranged for maximum comfort and support. He opened the window for cool fresh ocean air to come in, and Gale only left Tav’s side to prepare some tea with basalm salts for the pain. While he was gone Tara had settled herself gently against Tav’s side, purring away.

When he came with the tea, water and a potion of rest, Tav could have laughed at his over preparedness.

As Tav reclined in the bed, sipping tea, he sat at the bedside in an armchair. “Gale?”

“Yes, my love, what do you need?”

Tav chuckled at his earnestness. “I’m bored.”

“Ah, well, we have a treasure trove of entertainments,” he replied, “what better to soothe the pains of ailment and the pangs of boredom than a book!” He eagerly added, “what will you choose? A stirring tale of heroics? A dissertation on the merits of illusory spellcraft? Or perhaps an anthropological study on the courts of the Feywild?”

Tav shrugged, “your choice, really, I was looking for an excuse to have you sit and read to me.”

“You hardly need an excuse for that,” Gale smiled.

He grabbed the book he was in the middle of on his bedside table, something light for reading before bed. Carefully, he nestled in beside Tav, sure not to disrupt his perfectly calibrated arrangement of pillows made for Tav’s ideal comfort. Under his watch, with tea to soothe and a book, Gale felt sure Tav would be okay.

Two pages into him reading, Tav had fallen asleep with the tea cup precariously resting in hand. Gale plucked it away, giving a gentle kiss upon Tav’s brow as he leaned over to set it aside.

Thank you so much for reading! 💜💜

#gale x tav #gale x reader #gale fanfic #bg3 fanfiction #gale dekarios x tav #gale of waterdeep x tav #Olly writes

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judasgot-it · 1 year

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I loved tecchou brushing s/o hair😭May I ask the opposite? him being taking care of after being hurt on a mission, I want to brush his hair and give him a lot of kisses in his little marks ㅠㅠ

PLEASE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I would never do anything for a man but for Tecchou? I'd be his chair if he wants

Also so sorry this took so long I'm trying to get through my requests while writing some other fics lol

Scenario: Taking care of Tecchou after a mission gone wrong

Tecchou was the strongest of the hunting dogs.

It was just a stated fact.

"Tecchou you've been in there for over an hour, are you ok?"

It also meant that he was stubborn sometimes. He was the strongest, so how could he ever be weak?

"Sorry. Give me a minute."

That minute turned into 5 as you waited to hear the door gruffly open. Behind it, Tecchou was standing, shuffling his feet as he tried to stay presentable, despite the blood dripping down his back and shoulders.

"I might need your help."

He was staring, trying to hide the pain he was in. His back was straightened, as it usually was but you could see him lean forward a bit, uncomfortable by the blood that trailed down slowly.

"Go sit on the bed. I'll get you cleaned up."

You gently patted his arm, moving him aside to take what he had to help him finish redressing his wounds.

Tecchou was the strongest of the hunting dogs. Of course, a couple of cuts on his back meant nothing to him. He didn't even need surgery for them, even if they were deeper than normal.

He just couldn't reach them this time. He also had a convenient habit of forgetting that some wounds needed time to heal.

Otherwise they bleed. All over your bathroom floor.

You made sure to grab a wet rag with you when you walked back to Tecchou, who was amazingly patient.

You tried to make quick work of cleaning the blood that began dripping down his back. The sheets were white and you weren't ok with the idea of them being stained.

You handed it off to Tecchou, who looked at you.

"Clean your shoulders, you look like you were baptized."

He frowned.

"I'm not a catholic."

You snort. Get the cleaning agent ready, hoping he'll be distracted.

"No. I was just trying to be funny."

You start going around the wounds. They were long, and some parts cut deep into his skin, so you only wanted to clean what was necessary.

"I'm laughing."

He wasn't laughing at all.

Tecchou went quiet for the most part, holding whatever you handed to his as you went along.

His entire body straightened, however, after you touched a small part of the back of his neck.

The cut was small and shallow, but Tecchou nearly jumped out of his skin every time you tried to apply ointment to it.

You looked towards him.

"Tecchou, does it hurt that bad?"

He was squinting, as if it would help the wetness pooling around his eyes.

"No. It doesn't."

His hands were gripping his pants legs tightly.

You took his face in your hand, your fingers avoiding touching his skin due to being covered in ointment, and leaned down to kiss under his eye.

"It's ok. I'm almost done."

You heard him sigh slightly, relaxing against your frame. His eyes closed, still scrunched up in pain.

It made you reluctant to move away, as he was so comfortable against you. But you forced yourself to finish the job, moving quickly.

Dressing the wound itself was quick, with Tecchou helping you maneuver the bandages around himself.

"Thanks."

He said it with a small smile, taking up your space. He felt entitled to it now, having spent so much time being touched by you.

You looked up and smiled, running a hand through his hair. It got stuck.

"Tecchou, did you brush your hair this morning?"

He looked away.

"I think I hear the kettle boiling, do you want some tea?"

He tried to move away.

You tugged at the knots your fingers found. He winced a bit, before forcing himself to look at you.

The two of you had a small staring contest, as you forced him to look at you.

"It hurts to move my arms that much."

He gave up easily.

You move to grab your brush that was on the dresser.

"Well I can just brush it for you then. I'll be gentle, don't worry."

There was no more debate as you sit up on your knees, taking his head and slowly brushing through the strands.

Starting through the bottom strands, you slowly worked your way up, going gently as you found strong tangles.

His hair began to flatten more against his head, allowing you to see how odd his haircut really was. Had it not remained windblown everyday, he would look like a child had gone and taken scissors haphazardly to his hair.

As you got to the back, brushing the flattened hairs against his scalp, you felt Tecchou hug you, holding your torso gently between his arms.

He pressed his face against your solar plexus, slowly breathing you in. It made you smile, putting the brush aside and you took leaned down to kiss his head.

"I love you."

There was more to that statement, as he pulled toy tighter against him.

"I love you too."

You let yourself slide down into his lap, carefully wrapping your arms around him.

Tecchou fell back, the two of you hitting the bed together. There was silence.

"Ow."

Tecchou my beloved I would do anything for you. also I hope you like it!! All of the Tecchou requests I've gotten has honestly made me actually consider making me write a second part to the Tecchou vomit fic I've done.

#bsd tetchou #tecchou bsd #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #tecchou x reader

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 1 month

Text

4/8/2024 eclipse notes

Overall it was a hopeful day for me despite the ever-looming sense of mourning. but the eclipse made it feel special. this eclipse was so mathematically rare because of the exact EXACT chiron conjunction. down to the minute. never experienced something so precise in my 15 yrs observing astrology.. i lit a candle for sammy & spent a while praying then did yoga n journalled outside as the eclipse waned. u couldnt see the full thing here but i saw a little ^.^

i've talked about chiron on the blog b4 but if ur not sure basically it's a major asteroid named after chiron the centaur, "The Wounded Healer". i feel that nickname sums up wat chiron's about, it's your deepest pain, isolation, rejection, & it's where your greatest potential to heal others (+yourself) can be brought forth. so chiron was turbo-activated today. it's digging up a lot of sh** for me truly. like this is rly crazy. but what i realized today is that i'm in the best place i've ever been to grieve, that was my eclipse revelation i spose.

and this is the most painful loss i have experienced in a loooong long time bcus this was someone i spoke to basically every day for the past year. but even then, i feel sm more equipped to get thru it , even if i feel rly quiet rn & not like myself, i kno it'll pass & i'll feel like i can be normal again. dnt feel much like posting rn but i'll get back to it eventually cus sammy rly loved my blog like sincerely i never felt embarrassed that he read my posts. although i do feel this is causing me another minor crisis over internet usage & how to exist online, i know i have to keep posting for sammy P..

yeah ahh the sadness comes in waves but im really glad i am where i am rn to process it all. it's weird to know this will impact my whole life going forward. it makes me think back to sain;t's death and how that changed the course of everything. except back then i was in the WORST environment to cope with it. it's so different now. saint's full name was saint chiron too !! so i always think of them when new chiron sky theatrics are happening. i'm like Awww Saint Wouldve loved writing a 10 paragraph introspective post about this ...They trained me in this manner :>

couldnt resist a late night ramble as i am ever so restless. tomorrow i have therapy for the first time since the day before denji ate a ziploc bag and got emergency surgery. i think that was like 3? weeks ago?? so basically i'm convinced time isnt real anymore because there's no way it hasn't been 3 months. rapid fire trauma lol o_o like please wonderful lord in heaven can we just pick, a struggle , one single struggle is enough. tysm. thats all for now.. trying not to scroll the dash because everything make me feel too crazy rn so pls dont think im ignoring u everyone Ok ilu.. gn

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shadowsandsunset · 1 month

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I wish nothing but good things for Oliver Stark and Lou Ferrigno Jr.

They gave us such an authentic, gentle, tender experience. I've watched the clip of that kiss several dozen times now.

Oliver, especially, has been amazing in his interviews and social media posts, empathetic and honest and sweet. I don't know his sexuality and I don't speculate in real people's sexualities, but regardless he seems like a true ally. He seems to Get It.

As someone who came out later in life** it really touches my heart what they're doing.

9-1-1 has always seemed to try to do good by their queer characters and I really appreciate that.

Hen and Karen have always been a fantastic and very real feeling example of a wlw relationship.

This show is doing amazing. I wish nothing but good and happy things for the cast and crew who make this happen.

**Under the cut is my coming out/self acceptance story if you're interested.

Tw: repression, self harm, drug use, shitty relationships both familial and romantic.

I tried to come out as a teenager in the early 2000s after I kissed a girl for the first time. It did not go well.

My mother was a complicated woman and she loved me very much, but when I told her I was bi (I prefer pan now but at the time I didn't have that word) she told me it was a phase and that she was disappointed, that she would always love me but that it was wrong in the eyes of God and she couldn't accept it.

Disappointing my mother was worse than her being angry. It felt like my heart was carved out of my chest. I feel like if she had been angry or openly cruel I could have fought back, but her sadness destroyed me. I was 16 then and I continued to live at home until I was 24. I'm in my mid/late 30s now.

So I repressed that part of myself for well over a decade and spent a lot of time depressed and miserable. I self harmed and did A LOT of drugs. I'm clean now except for super occasional weed use. I have a lot of scars from self harm.

My mom died several years ago and it wasn't until after her death that I allowed myself to even think about it, any of it. I was in a relationship with a man for eight years that was loving but he was an alcoholic and I had to walk on eggshells around him because of his mental health struggles; he was emotionally abusive but in a way that was only apparent in hindsight. I thought that my relationship with him was as good as I was going to get. We broke up not long after my mom died.

The only family member I am out to is my older sister, who has been amazing and accepting and loves me completely. Without her support I would be lost.

I have now dated/hooked up with women, men, nb and trans people. I have explored my own gender identity (it's whatever, I don't feel like a woman despite having the female equipment and appearing female in body, I feel pretty masculine but not like a man either, and I don't have strong opinions on pronouns, but I feel like I fail at femininity and masculinity in equal measure so I call myself genderqueer. I don't have any desire to take hormones or have any surgeries, I just want to be a person without having to perform gender).

I live in a conservative small city in the US south and I feel disconnected from the wider queer community. I don't know how to bridge that gap. There is a small queer community here but you can't really be openly out and be safe.

I'll be going to my first pride event this June. I'm excited and terrified because I don't feel like I'm queer enough or The Right Kind of queer, which is such a stupid stress to have, but I don't have many friends to talk about this with and I am hoping to get out there and make some but I'm nervous. I'm socially awkward and kinda weird. I'm also single and trying to mingle, lol.

I like who I am now but it was an incredibly difficult road to get to this place. I'm still on that journey, and maybe I always will be but that's ok. I'm finally myself.

#911 abc #oliver stark #lou ferrigno jr #being queer #coming out #self acceptance #my life

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duchessofostergotlands · 2 months

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First of all I begin this by wishing the best to all those who have been affected in one way or another with this terrible disease such as cancer as well as any other disease of this nature.

One thing I have seen since the announcement came out yesterday is still people criticizing William as to why he was not there with Catherine at the time the announcement was made and it is maddening to see how some people are so inept.

In September of last year on a Wednesday a surgery my aunt had to remove two cysts that the doctor said would only take two hours, turned into a seven hour surgery and with practically half of my aunt's small intestine removed. I still remember when I woke up and my mom felt me up to tell me that my aunt, a lady who has always taken care of herself young (48 years old) had cancer and was in intensive care. The shock that felt like a bucket of cold water was something that to this day I cannot explain. The next day my grandfather was likewise diagnosed with protest cancer. The process of my aunt who was the one who was worse than my grandfather is one that has not even been seven months yet but these are things that we as a family have been a constant change. The food, now it is all gluten free until at least her intestine gets used to it and even then there is food that she may never be able to eat again; now she looks like a duck (her own words) since every time she eats she goes to the bathroom, sometimes without needing to eat just out of nowhere she can no longer regulate her urge to go to the bathroom, which her oncologist says is normal. Now she can't wear high heels either, a lady who, being a lawyer, is used to wear high heels all the time.

I say this because I think it is important for people to know that the cancer pathway, like many other life changing diseases, is not linear, sometimes you feel good, other times you get tired and all this despite the fact that my aunt is on preventive treatment. Not chemotherapy but some pills

I hope you and your family are doing ok. It sounds like a very challenging situation but you also seem to have a very close family relationship so hopefully you're all supporting each other :)

I mean, surely William could have been off screen? I haven't read anything about whether he was there one way or another, it's not relevant to me, but it's like they don't know the universe doesn't end at the edge of the screen lol. But anyway, bottom line is it's Kate's body. Not William's. I'm really tired of the constant infantilising that's been happening in recent weeks, on both sides of this conversation. I'll talk about some of this in the podcast in more depth but William is her husband and the father of her children, not her minder. I don't know why people insist on treating ill people - especially women - as if they're children who can't make up their own minds about what happens to them. Of course there's vulnerability that comes with it, people need extra support. But she's not a baby. If she'd needed or wanted William to sit on a bench next to her in total silence, I have no doubt he would have done it. She clearly didn't.

#ask #anon #Kate Middleton #british royal family #2024 #prince william

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