#new jeans x yn
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messi or ronaldo? HANNI!
NEW JEANS: hanni pham x soccer player!reader
SYNOPSIS: hanni wasn’t a sporty person but she’ll do anything to gain the attention of her hype girl
CATTEGORY: fluff
WORD COUNT: 235
WARNINGS: soccer needs its own warning . y’all i’m so scared of sports. hanni talking to the other members about you, the other members trying to give hanni some advice, you being flirty.
Hanni’s crush on you wasn’t a secret. Everyone seemed to noticed, and talk about it. Her friends were kinda tired of Hanni drooling over you.
You couldn't do anything without Hanni's acclaim. At first, the girls thought it was cute, her friend had a crush on a girl from the soccer team.
But as the days passed, Hanni kept saying how much she liked you, but exclaimed that she was too shy to make a move.
So Minji suggested something. “Why don't try something she's into” Hanni turned to her, confused. “I mean why don't you try talking to her about something you both like!” Exclaimed the brunette.
“That's a good idea,” said Danielle while eating some grapes. “What do you guys have in common?” asked Haerin stealing some grapes from Danielle.
“You both like music,” Said Hyein. “But everyone likes music that's not gonna make her want to go out with me!” A very stressful Hanni said.
“What else do you guys have in common?” Asked Haerin. “Soccer!” The table felt silent looking at Hanni with wide eyes.
“You're not athletic,” Said Hyein, confused. “But she loves soccer!. That's it! I'm gonna enlist for the tryouts” exclaimed happily the girl.
“That's not what we meant!” Danielle screamed. But Hanni was already too far from the table, running towards the soccer field.
After being through hell (running some yards). Hanni fell to the ground. “I'm dying,” Said Hanni while facing the grass.
“Hey, are you okay?” An adorable voice followed by a mesmerizing laugh asked Hanni. The black-haired looked up from the ground and met with the prettiest girl in the world. You.
She nodded. “I just need 5”. The little laugh made a comeback. “Well you're gonna need to get used to this if you want to make it to the team,” You said with a smile.
“Yeah, about that, I think soccer isn't really my thing,” Hanni said pulling herself up. You giggled and offered her a hand.
Shyly, Hanni took your hand and smiled at you. “Then why are you here?” you asked softly.
“I- I actually wanted an excuse to talk to you” Hanni admitted forcing her vision anywhere but you.
You smirked at the words. “Really?” you bit your lip. “It kinda worked,” you said chuckling. “What?” Hanni turned her gaze at you, her cheeks turning pink at the statement.
“A cute girl who's not in sporty clothes, trying to take a nap on the field does catch my attention,” you said, smirking at Hanni.
“That's totally my type” you winked at the very flustered girl.
“I still have some training to do but let's hang out sometime,” Hanni’s crush said. Turning her back to her and started to run back with the rest of the team.
Well, that was easier than Hanni’s thought!
#hanni#hanni pham#newjeans hanni#hanni x reader#hanni x fem reader#hanni imagines#new jeans#new jeans x fem!reader#new jeans x reader#new jeans x yn#new jeans imagines#new jeans icons#minji#danielle#haerin#hyein#minji x reader#danielle x reader#haerin x reader#hyein x reader#kpop x reader#kim minji#danielle marsh#girl group x reader#new jeans masterlist#lee hyein#new jeans fluff#hanni fluff#cristiano or messi#hype boy
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↳❀warnings: yn is a member of lesserafim, this is the yn from paparazzi(firecracker!yn) you can find more in the masterlist, fluff, swearing
as hanni let out a deep sigh, the warmth of the sun enveloped her, its rays gently caressing her skin. she laid on the soft grass, feeling its coolness beneath her, contrasting with the warmth above.
looking up at the vast expanse of the sky, hanni noticed the clouds drifting lazily by, each one taking on a unique shape. some resembled fluffy pillows, inviting her to rest her head and drift off into dreams. others were long and wispy, like tendrils of cotton candy stretching across the blue canvas.
a gentle breeze brushed against her skin, carrying with it the faint scent of flowers from a nearby garden. hanni closed her eyes, allowing herself to be fully present in the moment, soaking in the sights, sounds, and sensations of the peaceful afternoon.
birds chirped melodiously in the distance, hanni felt a sense of calm wash over her, the worries and stresses of the day melting away in the embrace of nature.
she loved days like this
“this is so fucking itchy.” yn grumbled, scratching at her arm as she lay on her stomach beside Hanni. despite noticing her discomfort, hanni couldn’t help but smile at the cute scowl on the girls face.
hanni, always the nature lover, had convinced yn to join her for some outdoor relaxation, promising a peaceful afternoon in the sun. but the reality of itchy grass was proving to be a challenge for yn, whose hotheaded nature made her intolerant of such annoyances.
yn had reluctantly laid down on the grass next to hanni, knowing how much it meant to her, but not without a string of curses muttered under her breath. she tried to focus on the warmth of the sun and the beauty of the sky, but the itching was driving her mad.
hanni glanced over at yn, amused by her girlfriend's predicament. she reached out and gently brushed a strand of hair away from yn’s, smiling when the girl didn’t move her hand away, “wanna get up?”
“no, I know it’s relaxing for you, I’ll live.” yn says moving to lay on her back, her words make hanni’s heart feel full and she smiles wide, “that’s so cute of you.”
“shut up.” yn grumbles.
hanni chuckled at yn’s grumble, finding her girlfriend's stubbornness endearing. she watched as yn shifted to lie on her back, trying to find a more comfortable position despite the itching grass.
"you're too stubborn for your own good, you know that?" hanni teased, nudging Yn playfully with her elbow.
yn rolled her eyes, but there was a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips but she immediately erases it "says the one who dragged me out here in the first place."
hanni laughed, enjoying their banter. "I just wanted us to spend some peaceful time together, away from the chaos of our schedules."
"yeah, yeah, sure, you're just obsessed with me," yn teased, trying to hide the warmth that spread through her cheeks at hanni's affectionate words
"maybe I am," hanni replied softly, her eyes twinkling with amusement and love.
"shut up," yn grumbled, but there was no real heat behind her words. she was too busy feeling overwhelmed by the depth of hanni’s feelings for her.
hanni laughed at yn's reaction, finding her girlfriend's embarrassment utterly adorable. "I'm just agreeing with what you're saying," she teased, reaching out to playfully tousle yn's hair.
yn swatted hanni's hand away, trying her best to hide her smile, “yeah, well now I’m saying shut up.”
hanni grinned, feeling a surge of affection for the girl in front of her. She reached out and gently brushed a stray lock of hair away from yn's face, her touch tender.
"you're so cute," hanni said, her voice filled with affection, causing yn to feel a mix of embarrassment and warmth.
"I'm actually going to fight you,"
hanni laughed at yn’s playful not so playful threat. "aw, my taekwondo champion," she teased, a playful glint in her eyes.
It was true; before becoming an idol, yn had been a taekwondo champion, and hanni loved teasing her about it.
“I will take you down right now.”
“you would never, you love me too much.” hanni says flashing a smile.
yn didn't respond, but the truth in Hanni's words was undeniable, so all she did was shove hanni’s shoulder lightly, which made hanni let a giggle at the girl.
"I wonder if your members know about how soft their hotheaded yn is for me," hanni teased.
"I am not soft!" yn protested.
hanni laughed, reaching out to gently poke yn's side. "you are! you're all tough and fierce on the outside, but deep down, you're a big softie for me,”
yn doesn’t reply and hanni couldn't help but laugh in victory, pleased with her teasing. she leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to yn's cheek, causing the girl to scrunch up her face in mock annoyance.
"hey, none of that," Hanni teased, lightly poking Yn's cheek. "You know you love my kisses."
“you love me so much, you’d change your sakura unnie photocard at the back of your phone to one of mine.” hanni says confidently as she picked up yn’s phone and looked at the photo card of the eldest lesserafim member but yn just side eyes her.
“too far, I don’t love you that much.”
#firecracker!yn#new jeans x reader#hanni#hanni pham#hanni x reader#hanni pham x reader#lesserafim#new jeans#new jeans hanni#girl group imagines#girl group fluff
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what is love?
1000 special: the fic that started it all
words: 3k
spade speaks: “i want to say thank you to the love and support you have given me within a year of me posting. 2023 is really a rollercoaster of a ride - from the angst that i’ve written to the fluff in the end. i’d like to dedicate this fic - the one that started it all - to all of you. what is love has a special place in my heart. to the ones that followed me from the start and to those who are joining along from the ride. thank you, i appreciate your existence.”
what is love?
minji never knew the answer to that question, there was no definite answer to be given when she hasn’t experienced love herself. with the amount of confessions she has gotten, not one made her heart skip a beat – even when her fake crush confessed to her. that was before realizing her own feelings towards her best friend, who is now her girlfriend as well.
you are the only person who owns her heart before she even knew that you have it. the only person to make her stop and go insane just by merely looking at you; and all this time she thought that she merely admired you as a friend. so what is love according to kim minji?
love is as sweet as candy.
minji is well aware you’re not one for PDA, aside from holding hands while walking around the mall or walking her to her classes. kisses were out of the window whenever you’re outside and hugs were a once in a while thing for you. yet seeing you letting wonyoung kiss you on the cheek made minji’s blood boil.
it was friendly, she’s aware of that but letting your other best friend freely kiss you while your own girlfriend has to wait until you’re alone seemed unfair. which lead to your current position, minji cornering you as your back is pressed against a wall – the position would have made you laugh as minji was a few inches smaller than you but your girlfriend looks mad that you could only let out a squeak as she was inches from you.
“son y/n jangmi.” a nervous laugh left your mouth, full name was rarely blurted out especially with your korean middle name.
“darling, why the full government name?” minji was pointing at your chest, your back now fully pressed to the wall that you're scared of what she would do.
“kiss me.”
“WHAT?!” both are aware that PDA is the one thing that you won’t do, the sudden demand makes you question what is running on your girlfriend’s mind. let alone what brought the idea up.
“i said kiss me.”
“yeah, i heard you but- could you put your finger down first.” minji slowly backs away and puts her hands to her sides as you finally relax a bit. “why suddenly bring it up?”
minji looks away from your piercing gaze, looking everywhere and avoiding your eyes, a nervous habit of hers that you’ve noticed since you were kids. personally, you would love nothing more than to kiss your girlfriend – the only thing stopping you is that you’re in public despite staying in the locker room where minji managed to catch you alone while your teammates went home already.
“well–” minji finally looks at you, and she could only see a puppy as you tilted your head slowly leaning closer to her with a smile on your face. her immediate reaction was to push your face away as her face heats up from the fluttering feeling in her stomach.
“stop looking at me like that.” minji’s hand is still on your face, taking it with your own free hand and slowly putting it down.
“like what?” your laughter is the one thing minji will never get tired of. taking a quick peek at you as she processes what she wanted to say. she draws a blank. her heart beating faster than it normally does.
“like i put the stars in the night sky or something – i don’t know.”
you could only hold minji’s hand that was closest to you, kissing the top of it as you walked closer to her. smiling at her as you held her chin up to properly look at you.
“if you wanted a kiss, just ask nicely, darling.” soft lips on top of hers, cherry flavored lips that feels like she’ll get intoxicated from along with her strawberry flavored lips that has you weak. cherry might not be the sweetest flavor there is but minji thinks you're as sweet as candy with the way you pull her closer as if she’s your oxygen and that you’re dependent on her lips. minji had to stop you before anyone could possibly walk in on you two – despite your coach letting you lock up.
“ok ok, don’t overdo it.”
“noted, darling. so… why the sudden request?” as minji explained her reason in embarrassment as they walked out the locker rooms together. your hand holding hers while carrying both your bags in one arm. your thumb caressing the back of her hand as you walk home together - even in the littlest of things minji feels butterflies in her stomach.
love is like flying in the sky.
it had been a week since you left for your internship in your mom’s firm, leaving minji alone in your apartment. with it being a few days away from her birthday, minji wishes you’d be there on her special day. she waits patiently for you to call, all the way from new york as the clock strikes 9 in the morning, right on time. minji didn’t hesitate and immediately answered your call. there you stood in your pyjamas in your mother’s apartment as you held a bowl close to you.
“good morning, did you sleep well?” minji wishes she could be completely honest and tell you how much she hates sleeping alone now that you’re miles away from her. how your side of the bed feels so empty and having to cuddle your pillow doesn’t make things any better. she keeps her mouth shut.
“yup, woke up early today. mina-unnie is coming to pick me up in 2 hours. how’s your day so far?” you nodded as you filled your bowl with your mom’s cooking and brought your phone with you as you dined alone.
“quite busy, a lot of case studies and mom plans on extending the stay for two days.”
“oh- that means you won’t be here for my birthday…”
before your call with minji, the truth was that you were free to go back to korea as your mom finishes some business. knowing fully well that minji’s birthday is around the corner and you wouldn’t want to miss it. so, you booked the earliest flight back to korea which meant either landing on the day itself or earlier. in a few hours or so, you’ll be back home within the arms of your girlfriend.
“sorry, darling. i’ll make it up to you when i get back.” a part of you was hoping that she’ll fall for your lie, and just looking at her mood; it might have worked too well.
mina even texted you that minji was sulking during her shoot, which has been happening quite a lot and it’s what made the shoots fast sometimes. despite mina complaining every 10 minutes about how your girlfriend keeps sighing and saying she misses you. it had reached a point where mina had to show minji your old pictures when she and chaeyoung would babysit you.
on the day of your flight, you had asked your mom to not tell anyone that you’ll be home for minji’s birthday let alone if minji asks her. to which your mom admitted would be quite hard as she loves minji as if she was her own daughter.
“please, mina-unnie knows about it so she can pick me up. you could probably ask wonyoung to keep minji busy so that she wouldn’t message me while i’m on the plane. simply just tell her that i’m busy or asleep.” your mom just patted you on the shoulder as she turned you around and pushed you towards immigration.
“stop worrying, i’ve kept the fact that i was rich from your father for years. now, safe travels and call me when you’ve landed.” you never got the chance to question your mom, all you remember is rushing and getting on board for your 15 hour flight that could make or break your sanity just to be there for your girlfriend of 3 years.
on the other side of the world, minji was lowkey losing her sanity. it’s not like you to miss her messages or calls - even if you were busy you still answered it. nothing made sense to her as she questions why wonyoung and hanni are doing their best to make sure she doesn’t check your location. it had almost been an entire day since your last message and she didn’t want to get her hopes up as your mom sent her a picture of you at your desk reading cases (it was taken the previous day).
“UGH- WHY ISN’T SHE ANSWERING MY CALLS?!” hanni is scared for her life because she hasn’t seen her best friend lose sanity over a girl and it wasn’t like you to leave her hanging. wonyoung is simply enjoying everything as she waits for your message that you’ve landed and as if the gods had answered her prayers; you finally messaged them of your whereabouts.
“i really can’t thank you enough, mina-unnie.” one of the many perks of having a future sister-in-law that is a CEO of her own company is getting a free pass to use her private plane.
“no worries, knowing how you’ll try to survive a 15 hour flight on business. the least i could do is not let you suffer and be cranky when surprising my model.” the trip on the way back to your shared apartment with minji took longer than expected due to the traffic. you’ve already informed wonyoung on how close you are to home.
minji is on edge, it’s her birthday and you’re a no show - messages and calls ignored. she was close to sending you an email until hanni stopped her and hoped you’d finally message your girlfriend. the silence of your shared apartment as minji looks out, the day hasn’t ended yet (it’s only 11 am and she has already lost it). then hearing the very familiar voice that is her ringtone of you calling her “darling! i’m stuck inside your phone!” she answered it immediately. hanni and wonyoung could only look at their friend as if she was a rabid animal who hasn’t eaten in weeks.
“son y/n! why weren’t you answering my messages?”
“i’m sorry, i got caught up with the cases mom made me read and my phone was on dnd then-” you rambled on about your fake excuse that was being overworked by your own mother as mina tried her best not to laugh at your stressed state while in the elevator to your place.
“fine, i’ll let it slide just this once.”
“sorry, darling - but i did send something for you.” right on time the doorbell to your place rang, minji headed towards the door to check on who it was, only to see mina and a suitcase next to her. a very familiar suitcase. mina was lowkey nervous as you stand by the doorbell camera of your place making sure you’re not in the picture as minji opens the door. a sad smile on her face while she held onto her phone and greeted mina.
“a certain someone wanted you to have this.” minji wasn’t dense but hearing mina’s voice echo in the other line - she assumed you would be somewhere within the area and upon checking outside. there you stood with a cake and bouquet at hand while your phone was on speaker.
“happy birthday, darling.” even if miles apart, you wouldn’t miss your girl’s birthday even if it meant flying for hours on end just to be there on time.
love keeps you smiling all day.
things have always been light and fun between you two. minji loves how you’re considered as one of the most serious people she knows but behind it is someone who has been through a lot as a child. that’s one of the reasons why minji loves you.
seeing your childlike wonder whenever you’re at home keeping yourself entertained with legos that you’ve built through your own imagination, sometimes joking about proposing with a lego box ring. one she found cute and quite hard to hide if that were your plan. minji watches you build a house that you’ve deemed as your dream house once you’ve saved enough money and have graduated. a modern house somewhere in canada as minji mentioned wanting to settle there in the future and seeing you incorporate that into something as small as building a lego house. she can’t help but admire you with a small smile on her face as you rambled on what rooms you wanted.
“so, you see us together in the future?” you hummed in response as you looked for a piece, one that minji noticed was stuck to your arm.
“well, yeah. i’m dating you to marry. i’m not letting go of the best thing i can call mine.”
“are you asking me to marry you in the subtlest way possible, baby?”
minji moved closer to you, finally taking the piece stuck on your arm and handing it to you. a smile on her face as you thanked her, finishing the lego house with the minifigures you had made months prior.
“if the time is right, i’ll be down on one knee and asking for your hand in marriage.” minji felt your lips on her cheek as you put the lego house in the middle of the table. “for now, we can only plan for the future.”
“like the lego house you built?”
“yup. i’ll give you a quick tour of what our possible house could be.”
minji loves it when you do the simplest of things, even if some would say its childish for a grown woman to play with legos while studying law and her girlfriend studying hard to be a doctor. you’ve changed for the better and minji adores that she gets to be there every step of the way.
watching how your eyes would only look at her despite your classmates who have tried their best to make you look at them.
how you never leave the house without checking if she’s down to go out with you to do errands (the answer is always yes).
how despite living in the same place and seeing each other almost everyday for years, you’re not sick of her.
“so tell me more about that lego house of ours.” minji has always loved how you always planned the future with her in mind, even before you had confessed.
love makes you look at how beautiful the whole world is.
it was a given fact that you and minji are busy with your own work. let alone, she became an ambassador for Chanel and you’re proud of the girl who is currently within your arms in the city of love. having quite a peaceful picnic date with your girlfriend near the eiffel tower. the place might be noisy, a few insects here and there but minji’s mind is occupied by the girl sitting next to her taking her pictures with her film camera. a huge smile on her face as you take her picture, one that will be printed and placed on your board filled with pictures from your trips.
if you were with anyone else, you would have probably chosen a different date spot with how crowded the place is but seeing minji happy as you talk about her experience with paris fashion week or how you got the chance to meet one of mina’s closest friends who minji has already met before.
“how cliche would it be if someone proposed here, right now?” minji looked at you as if you were planning on proposing let alone, you had a conversation about the future the past year while you were building a lego house.
“quite cliche and neither of us would want to have a public proposal.”
“mhmm.. speaking of proposals. chaeyoung-unnie is finally going to do it.”
your entire date had been about everything related to love, with how you started and how dense minji was in high school to not notice your heart eyes directed at her or the way how you managed to trick minji into confessing first. in the eyes of kim minji, anywhere with you would be a beautiful view - even if you did see a rat running at the foot of the eiffel tower.
“oh, it’s remy.”
“ew.”
whatever love is, minji has no definitive answer - as long as you’re in the picture, minji considers it as love.
even if you’re outside of the apartment holding your belongings and ready to say goodbye. with a sad smile - minji knows in some way you’ll come back even if it means leaving her alone
in your shared apartment, in the middle of the table was the lego house you had built for you two. there she stood, eyes on the simple building you had made as she looked out of the balcony of your apartment with your back turned and bags being put into your car. minji knows you’ll be back.
“girl, will you stop crying. you’ll see her in a week. it’s only chaeyoung-unnie’s bridal shower. then the wedding.” hanni had watched minji look out the balcony as you waved goodbye and drove away to the airport to meet up with your sister.
this little thing might seem a bit too much for hanni, but to minji this was a huge step for your sister and you were needed every step of the way as the maid of honor.
even while on the plane talking to your sister and her friends, with a velvet box in your pocket that you had recently claimed from rei. one that you had asked to be customized but your proposal can wait - for now you’re here to celebrate your sister who is about to get married in Japan.
“nervous?” chaeyoung could only nod as she pats your hand that was placed on top of the armchair.
“aren’t you? between the two of us, you literally have an engagement ring in your pocket along with my wedding ring.” you smiled as you show the velvet box that you’ve been holding onto.
“one thing for sure, unnie, i wanna spend the rest of my life with minji.”
#newjeans x reader#newjeans imagines#newjeans#kim minji newjeans#kim minji x reader#kim minji#newjeans minji#nwjns#new jeans minji#minji fluff#minji#minji x reader#what is love#wil!yn#1000 followers
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— ♡RULES & MASTERLIST♡ —
♡ RULES:
—things i write:
mostly smut, some occasional fluff, angst, etc…
mostly just oneshots, but i’ll do multiple parts of things if requested!
i only write fem!idol x fem!reader (i write poly situations, as long as the reader is involved)
non-idol AU
—things i don’t write:
anything smutty involving idols that are minors
noncon, yandere, ageplay, anything with animals, any other things of that sort
g!p
stories with JUST idol x idol
male readers or idols
butt stuff
fetishes(none, like literally none)
—general
i can’t do every single request i receive, but if your req helps me write anything, i will mention it in the a/n
if you are putting prompts along with your request, please don’t put too many
please don’t hesitate to tell me if you think anything is wrong in the story or the tags!
please let me know about grammatical/spelling mistakes in the fics so i can fix them. i try my best to catch them all but sometimes i just don’t notice
♡ PROMPTS:
bratty/degrading/etc smut
first time/inexperienced smut
praise/soft/etc smut
misc smut
threesome smut
kinks
angst/fluff
♡ MASTERLIST:
twice
le sserafim
loona
gidle
nmixx
itzy
ive
fromis_9
aespa
wjsn
newjeans
soloists/trainees
red velvet
♡ COMING SOON:
heejin x reader - “skipping” (smut)
sana x reader - “right here, right now” (smut)
chanelle x reader - “let me help” (smut)
yves+jihyo x reader - “come in” (smut)
fics on my alts (@tcubunny + @lenybunny)
♡ MY ANONS
#masterlist#twice x reader#le sserafim x reader#loona x reader#gidle x reader#nmixx x reader#itzy x yn#ive x reader#fromis jisun#aespa x fem reader#wjsn#smut#kpop fluff#twice imagines#itzy imagines#twice x y/n#kpop smut#kpop imagines#fanfic#fanfiction#kpop gg#kpop fanfic#kpop x you#kpop x reader#kpop girls#twice sana#twice smut#soloists#red velvet#new jeans
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#;; BOYZZZZ🥶🥶🥶 + y/n🤨😐
LEE HEESEUNG — the grandfather of the group, constantly being teaser about his age, so so SO full of it, will snap one day and it'll be hell raining down on earth, pls do not test this man
PARK JONGSEONG — bro's english name is jay, gets mixed with jay park, send help, dadlike of the group, cannot take anymore asks about niki, gets kicked out of gcs so easily bcs of his dad jokes
SIM JAEYUN — aussie boy who's the father of layla, will spam photos of layla every moment he can that u need to BLOCK HIM, people often mistook his surname for the game named "sims"
PARK SUNGHOON — #1 yn hater, she swears he kicked her in their mother's womb, yn's twin and have that twin telepathy kinda shit, the only one allowed to insult yn, will kick ur ass if someone else other than him insults yn
KIM SUNOO — sassy boy, yn's bestie who keeps on judging every boy who's down on their knees for her, gets shipped with everyone, he's used to it at this point, is done with constant nagging of girls wanting him to be their bf
YANG JUNGWON — saw jay sleeping with his eyes open one night, yn's taekwondo buddy who she accidentally kicked in the nards while training, kinda like the second dad???
NISHIMURA RIKI — key's biggest fan, his own fan account, tried air bending on sunoo's birthday, binge watched avatar after that, dance dance dance, loves his self love
PARK YN — sunghoon's twin sister, dedicates her life to taekwondo, kicked a guy's ass one time after he spilled her drink, has an unspoken rizz that pulls everyone in like a magnet, WHERE DID SHE GET THAT CHARM??????
masterlist — next
#kpop#kpop gg#wlw#kpop gg x reader#kpop smau#newjeans#newjeans x reader#smau#new jeans x reader#pham hanni#pham hanni x reader#hanni pham#hanni x reader#newjeans smau#new jeans#yn has so much rizz#rizzless hanni
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NEW CHAPTER OUT!!
#black reader#fanfic#wattpad#black fanfiction#fan fic writing#black fanfic writer#fanfiction#fan fic stuff#eren x black y/n#new fanfic#eren aot#eren x you#eren x y/n#eren x black reader#eren x black fem!reader#eren jaeger x black reader#eren x black yn#eren smut#connie x black reader#jean aot
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need a fic about staff!reader and idol!sunghoon who have to fool around in secret (but it’s not really secret bc hoon cannot control himself).. until its the newest headline on the gossip pages
anon, I love this fr fr!! your brain is *chef kiss* this one is for you!
pairing: sunghoon x afab!reader
word count: 1.7k
Sunghoon tried to not make it so obvious. Tried to keep it a secret and his feelings nonexistent when the other members or staff were around. To hide any signs he could possibly be in a relationship or even talking to someone.
Except, Sunghoon is way too obvious. He can’t keep secrets and shows his feelings all too well. He can’t help but get possessive or jealous making it again, obvious that he’s in a relationship.
It didn’t start that way though.
From the moment you were hired to be one of Enhypen’s new stylists, Sunghoon took a liking to you, trying to find any way possible to get his dick inside you.
Except he was shy at first, keeping his dirty thoughts to himself and his hand late at night in his bedroom.
It took months before Sunghoon started to get confident in flirting with you, testing the water at first to see how you’d react, and when you reacted the way he hoped…oh you were done for.
You caught up to Sunghoon’s antics really fast. Noticing his eyes on you. Noticing how he was always the first in the dressing room and the last to leave. Always putting himself in front of you to style him so you didn’t get the chance to even style one of the other boys.
Sunghoon was so obvious, but you found it cute, enduring, and kinda hot.
Sunghoon wanted to get to know you, sure. But the attraction he felt and the thoughts of getting his dick wet kind of outweighed that. But you worked with him, there was plenty of time to get to know you.
It wasn’t until a wardrobe malfunction happened that it really kicked things off between you and Sunghoon.
His shirt ripped in the middle of taking off some of his equipment in between sets to readjust. Having staff members send him running to you to fix it.
You looked at the whole torn at the back of his shirt, “The whole is too big, won’t be able to sew it back together. It’d be too obvious.” So it was settled on a shirt change. You walked to the clothing rack, picking an iced blue color shirt that matched his black jeans perfectly, “This one should do, here go ahead and—“
You weren’t expecting to see Sunghoon in the process of lifting the shirt off his body and dropping it to the floor. Exposing his toned body. Your eyes scanned his abs, his chest, his biceps…Bless whoever opened the first gym and started the chain reaction of opening them everywhere. Truly a blessing.
Sunghoon smirked, loving to see the blush on your cheeks, getting you right where he wanted you.
“Like what you see, pretty?”
You made eye contact with him, trying every way possible to keep your breathing even.
“Uh, h-here’s the new shirt,” you said, quickly placing the shirt in his hands and turning to walk out of the dressing room, except obviously, that didn’t happen.
Sunghoon grabbed your arm and pulled you back, trapping you between him and the vanity.
“Don’t leave me just yet, aren’t you supposed to make sure the shirt fits?” he rolled his hips against you, feeling his hardening cock against your stomach, “I’m sure it’ll fit perfectly though.”
You knew Sunghoon knew what he was doing, trying to make a play on words for how well his dick would fit inside you. Granted, it was working, regardless of how flustered you felt at that moment.
“Hoon, you have ten minutes before going back on stage,” you whispered, fingers gripping the sanity in hopes of keeping yourself from shaking.
“Then we have ten minutes to get busy, now don’t we?” He leaned his face closer to yours, “YN, Let me make you feel good.”
You nodded, letting him drop his hands to your legs and lift you on top of the vanity, rolling your skirt up your thighs and spreading your legs.
Sunghoon didn’t think this would be the way he finally fucked you, but he was here for it nonetheless.
He finally got to feel your lips on his, finally, had you wrapped around him perfectly as he pounded into you at a fast pace since his time was limited. The vanity rocked against the wall, being completely sure he was creating scuff marks on the white paint from the way he was fucking you against it. His hands squeezed your breasts. Tongue shoved down your throat. Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him even closer to you as you cum, making a mess on his cock. He couldn’t get enough of you, spilling his seed inside your pretty cunt and giving himself two minutes left to spare before going back on stage.
Sunghoon took any chance he could to fool around with you. Pulling you into any tight corner he could. Bending you over chairs, vanities, and the couches in the break room back at the HYBE building. Fucking you against walls at the stadiums they would perform at. Pressing your naked body against the mirrors in the practice rooms, leaving handprints behind once you two were finished.
It wasn’t too long before he started developing feelings for you, wanting more than just sex with you.
Sunghoon was already obvious as it was to the other members, they weren’t stupid. They knew he would sneak you over to their dorms late at night and he would sneak out of the dorms to your apartment.
But once Sunghoon caught feelings, phew it was way worse.
It became harder to not give you attention. To kiss you, touch you, spoil you. To act like there was nothing between the two of you when everyone was around.
Becoming possessive when another male staff member would talk to you. Be jealous if one of the other members needed a wardrobe change and you were the one to take care of them.
It became way too obvious to the point that Sunghoon finally broke down to the members about his feelings for you, their response being “DUH! We knew that already!” it made him feel relieved sure, but because of his idol status, he had no choice but keep it secret anyways.
Which only made it harder once the two of you finally became official. The members and staff all knew, but the fans and the rest of the world didn’t. Sunghoon wanted to show you off but knew he couldn’t for your safety.
It was comeback season for Enhypen. The boys were booked left and right for interviews, TV shows, and radio shows. The boys were busy and on a time crunch, but that didn’t stop Sunghoon from pulling you into the supply closet filled with the radio show equipment.
“Hoonie,” you whispered, “Someone will notice we’re missing!”
Sunghoon wasted no time pinning you against the shelves, his hands fiddling with the button on his pants, “Jake will vouch for us. Need you so bad baby.”
You could tell your boyfriend was nervous, this was a major radio show. And what better way than to relieve his nerves by fucking you?
You lifted your skirt and slid your panties to the side, giving Sunghoon full permission.
He licked two of his fingers, then slid them between your folds, groaning at the feeling of your cunt wrapped around his fingers.
“Such a good girl for me,” he whispered against your lips, “always taking good care of me.”
Sunghoon knew you didn’t have much time to waste, knowing you were ready to take him once your juices started leaking down his hand.
He replaced his fingers with his cock, slowly sliding into you. Moaning out your name once he bottomed out.
He wrapped one of your legs around his waist, giving him even more access to your cunt, and started pounding into you.
Sunghoon gripped one of the metal shelves, using it to his advantage to push further into you, shaking the entire thing.
The two of you moan against each other's mouths. Your fingers tangling in his hair.
It didn’t take you long to cum. The fast pace Sunghoon was fucking you at with the help of his grip on the shelf along with him hitting your g-spot, it had you spilling over the edge.
“Oh, fuck yeah,” Sunghoon growled, “Love when you cum on my cock.”
Sunghoon glanced up at his watch, seeing he only had minutes left, “I’m gonna go faster baby, okay? Wanna cum in your sweet pussy before I have to go.”
You nodded, holding onto him tighter, settling your face in his neck.
Sunghoon pistoned into you, fucking into you in a primal state. You attached your lips to his neck, teeth biting down on the skin to keep your moans from reaching outside the door.
“hmmm, fuck, I’m cumming baby, oh fuck.”
Right when Sunghoon released his load, the door to the supply closet swung open, and one of the radio show hosts' staff members stood there staring at you two, watching as Sunghoon slowly continued to push his cock into you, chasing what little high he had left.
“I’ll come back later,” the staff member said, quickly shutting the door.
It wasn’t news to anyone when all the famous KPOP articles on Twitter were talking about your sexual act in the supply closet.
Sunghoon sat in the makeup chair, reading the articles on his phone while laughing his ass off.
“They can’t even get the full story right,” Sunghoon laughed even harder.
Your face turned red as you organized the boy's outfits for the comeback show tonight.
Heeseung was also reading about the articles but from the tweets their fans were making, “Some of these posts claim they already knew you were fucking someone and that these articles just confirm it.”
“Can’t we sue that radio company for even opening their mouths?!” Jake asked, fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket, “They went against Sunghoon’s privacy.”
Sunghoon just shrugged, “Not like I care anyway. Not my fault the guy decided to be a dick.”
Jay leaned over Heeseung’s shoulder, reading the comments, “Some of these say you kept going even after getting caught.”
Sunghoon just smiled, not saying a word.
“Oh, you’re sick,” Jungwon said, giving him a side-eye.
Sunghoon shrugged his leader's glare off and looked over in your direction, falling more in love with you than he was before, “At least I don’t have to hide anymore.”
“That’s the thing,” Niki rolled his eyes, “You were obvious from the beginning!”
“Exactly,” Sunoo said, “This only just made it easier for you two.”
Sunghoon didn’t care that his relationship with you got exposed, because now he didn’t have to try to hide. Even though he sucked at hiding anyways.
#myiceprince#sunghoon#park sunghoon#sunghoon x reader#reader x sunghoon#sunghoon smut#enhypen#enhypen x reader#reader x enhypen#enhypen hard hours#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen fanfic#enhypen scenarios#enhypen imagines#enhypen smut#yeonzzzn writing#yeonzzzn asks#anon
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Summer love (Charles leclerc x reader)
When charles meets a lost girl in his home town, shows her around and has one of the best nights but forgets to take her number, how is he supposed to find her?
or
In which Daniel Ricciardo and twitter help Charles Leclerc find his summer love
masterlist
N.B: this is just a quick little one shot, not planning on part 2.... WARNINGS: not proof read... I think that's it? If I missed anything please let me know
Charles_leclerc has added a new story
Liked by Arthur_leclerc, lorenzotl, danielricciardo and 716,509 others
Charles_leclerc: might have to do a jpg account 🤔
username: no cause I want someone to take pictures of me like that as well
username: Charles being so in love even though they met 2 months ago
username: the way the sun lights her face up in the 4th picture
username: you know my man's photography skills become top notch as soon as he sees yn
username: am I the only one worried about how fast this relationship's pace is?
username: listen I am a charles fan, but his history matches up with the pace
username: when is it my turn to meet my summer lover and then go on dates
username: charles and yn will end up in the pretty Pinterest couple search
username: I love how everyone just skipped the whole jpg account thing
username: it's for out own safety
username: my mental health won't be able to take it
Liked by Landonorris, danielricciardo, Arthur_leclerc and 178,529 others
Charlesjpg: welcome to my pov
username: ayooo, wtf!
username: I want a man to make an account for me
username: MY POV 🥺🥺
username: no, cause if I had a man I met a few months ago make an account only for me I would PUT A RING ON IT!
username: the pink dress is so pretty 😍
username: the vest and jeans combo is 😫
username: THE SECOND PICTURE LOOKS LIKE IKEA! WHAT ARE THEY DOING THAT FOR!
username: the third picture looks like they're in a house, and the second is in an ikea ARE THEY MOVING IN TOGETHER!?!?!
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#charles leclerc#f1 social media au#f1 instagram au#f1 smau#f1#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x y/n#charles leclerc social media au#charles leclerc smau#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc one shot
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𓇻 𓂂 ˳ HYPE BOY yang jungwon
SYNOPSIS: yn’s crush on jungwon goes all the back to the time she started training at hybe. now fast forward you are in the new hit group new jeans, what happens when an insider exposes who you wrote the hit song hype boy for?
PAIRING: idol!jungwon x idol! fem reader
GENRE: idol au, smau + irl, strangers to fake lovers to lovers, fluff, crack, angst
WARNINGS: incorrect timestamps, yn is a mess, different people will be yn’s fc for visual purposes, probably some grammer mistakes, some kms/kys jokes, yn has a sanrio obsession, jungwon is very oblivious and kinda a hole sometimes, more will be added in chapters if necessary
STAUTUS:
TAGLIST: open! @useraerin @kjrcrz @alicesolengg @ninihoons @voguewonye @xharisrealm @oceanmsxoxo @yumicherryii @mitsukifilms @ocyeanicc @enhaz1 @143lele @binchanluvrr @little-celestials @hoon0logy @woncientie @niaalove @whippedforbeomgyu @hoeinthehouse @miko1ly @kksite @en-dream @leaderwon @yenqa @awmancreeper @rairaielv @latriii @jayujus @nxtsnw @euiioo @nshrkilvbt @schmocolateschmchip @haechan-nahceah @mesopret @kireem @ashy1um @clairecottenheart @str4wb3rizz @strawberrymilk02 @won-der5 @leeis @gyuszie @weird0o0 @collectaed @h-hazwie @aloloveswonie @aeongiies @seeliennnnn @lheewonz @lucyinthesky-00 @ilamara @fakeuwus @j1nniee @sunasbbie @enhamysunshines
PROFILES
new pants |
CHAPTERS
DISK ONE: not to be dramatic but I wanna die
DISK TWO: public enemy #1
DISK THREE: bringing back socks and sandals
DISK FOUR: I HATE HYPE BOY
✫first smau!!!
#enhypen#enhypen imagines#enhypen x reader#enhypen smau#enhypen angst#enhypen jungwon#yang jungwon x reader#yang jungwon#yang jungwon smau#idol!reader#enhypen x idol reader
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BABYSITTER | kim minji
NEW JEANS: kim minji x reader
SYNOPSIS: you’re tired of babysitting your little brother so your parents hire a new babysitter, kim minji.
CATEGORY: a really short and fluffy story <3
WORD COUNT: 189
So, there you were, tired of constantly looking after your little brother. I mean, seriously, the kid had more energy than a squirrel on caffeine!
Your parents finally decided to get a babysitter for him, and boy, were you relieved. They hired this girl named Minji, and little did you know, your life was about to take a hilarious turn.
One evening, you came home early and walked into the living room to find Minji playing video games with your brother. She was totally into it, giving your brother a run for his money.
You couldn't help but be impressed. Babysitter goals, am I right?
You introduced yourself to Minji, and right off the bat, you felt something. It was like a spark of chemistry?.
From that day on, you made it a point to come home early whenever Minji was around. You two became great friends, hanging out outside your house and doing all sorts of silly stuff together.
And then, one magical day, Minji dropped a bombshell.
She confessed her love feelings for you. You couldn't believe it! But hey, turns out you felt the same way. You blurted out that you liked her too, and just like that, you two became a couple.
From that moment on, life became a whirlwind of adventures and laughter. You'd go on ridiculous dates, like having ice cream-eating competitions or trying to see who can stay still on a skateboard without falling.
You were like a couple of lovestruck goofy girls, and it was absolutely fantastic.
#minji#kim minji#new jeans#minji x reader#newjeans minji#nwjns minji#minji x fem reader#minji fluff#new jeans x fem!reader#new jeans x yn#minji x you#minji x yn#kim minji x reader#haerin#danielle#hanni#new jeans imagines#minji imagines
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❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ ❚ 𓍢 CHANEL GIRLFRIENDS kim minji x fem!reader
🎸★ ͘ ⴰ yn of lesserafim and minji of new jeans, both are ambassadors of the worldwide known luxury brand chanel, they’re also known as the chanel girlfriends.
a series of short oneshots and compilations that convinced the world that the “chanel girlfriends” are definitely not just two girls who are friends.
PARING — kim minji x lsrfm!reader
yn and minji’s being girlfriends on live 895k views
previous. masterlist. next
🎸★ ͘ ⴰ clip one
minji furrowed her eyebrows at the comments on the live, “there’s a shadow at the door?” she reads the comment before laughing, “you guys joke too much.”
she tried to move onto other topics but the comments kept spamming about a shadow at the door, “what are you guys talking about?” she asks before turning behind herself to in fact see a shadow at the door.
she turns back around at the live raising a brow before turning back around and rolling the chair towards the door to open it just to reveal a smiling yn.
minji groans and throws her head back as she opens the door wider, “oh my gosh, you’re such a weirdo, how long have you been standing there?”
yn laughs softly as she shuffles into the room, the comments spamming about the lesserafim members presence.
minji rolls back to the desk and reads the comments as yn stands behind her chair, “is that yn from lesserafim?” minji reads, “no, it’s danielle.”
yn laughs as she rests her chin on minji’s shoulder, “hello.” she says in a fake australian accent.
minji cringes as she looks up at yn shaking her head at the girls accent, “no…”
“what? I thought that sounded good.”
🎸★ ͘ ⴰ clip two
minj pouted slightly as she watched yn be so into her phone, ever since they started the the live yn has been so immersed and giving her zero attention.
she turns to the live with an annoyed look on her face as she reads the comments, “what is yn doing?”
“that’s exactly what I’ve been thinking.” minji says before turning to girl and grabbing the edge of yn’s chair to pull closer to her
she leans her chin on yn’s shoulder before whispering into the girls ear, “what are you doing?”
yn looks up totally unfazed by minji’s closeness, “I’m playing total drama island.” she says before looking back down at her phone.
minji immediately takes her chin from yn’s shoulder before turning back to live, “oh my- guys she’s been playing that game for days over and over again.”
the comments laugh at the new jeans leader annoyance, “I’m so serious, she’ll come over just to lay on my bed and play the game and when it’s over she’ll leave and is all like I’ll facetime you later.”
yn covers her face in embarrassment at her being exposed, “you sound like chaewon unnie, she says I’m addicted, she might take away my phone.”
“you are addicted! maybe I need to take away your phone.”
🎸★ ͘ ⴰ clip three
“have you watched the cool with you mv?” minji asks the girl that stands beside her chair.
she gasps when yn shakes her head no, “oh my gosh, bro your need to watch it.” minji says grabbing her phone to put on the mv.
“did you just call me bro?” yn asks only to get ignored by as minji gets ready to press play, “come on sit.”
yn looks at the camera and then behind her and then around the room and then at minji, before shoving the girls shoulder, “there’s no chair, bro.” she says mocking the new jeans member.
minji looks up from her phone to look at yn, “oh.” she laughs before rolling out from the desk, “sit, because I want you to see it.”
yn looks at the live awkwardly before taking a seat in minji’s lap as minji wraps her arms around yn’s mid and puts her chin on yn’s shoulder so they both see the video.
yn gasps when she sees hoyeon, “she’s so pretty.” she says at the screen in awe.
minji side eyes yn as the girl seems to only be making reactions towards hoyeon.
“wow…” yn says again as hoyeon pops back on the screen.
“what about me?” minji whines, “I was just on the screen.”
🎸★ ͘ ⴰ clip four
“hi…” yn says to the live, the fans spam the comments wondering why it’s so dark in the room she’s in and why she’s live late or you could say early since it was 2:00 am.
“I’m bored.” yn responds answering questions, “I’m in my room, I don’t even know if I’m allowed to do lives in my room but who cares.”
yn stills when the person beside her shifts and turns their sleeping body to face the wall, she shushes the live like they’re the one’s talking before pointing beside her, “minji slept over so she’s sleeping.”
yn laughs as the comments tell her to wake up minji, “she’ll kill me if I wake her up.” yn said shaking her head at the chat’s suggestions, “she also had a long day today, she followed me all over the place at the mall.”
as yn rambles about her day and other random things she feels minji grab her and pull her closer still sleeping.
“minji is a touchy sleeper but don’t tell anyone that.”yn whispers and laughs softly but her laughs come to a quick stop when she sees a certain someones comment.
“chaewon unnie what are you doing up so late? aren’t old people supposed to sleep early?” she asks as she reads her leaders comments instructing her to go to bed.
#lsrfm!yn#new jeans x reader#kim minji x reader#new jeans#minji x reader#minji new jeans#minji#kim minji#lesserafim#lesserafim x reader#girl group imagines#new jeans fluff
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drag me down: adore you
synopsis: pham hanni hates park y/n. that's the story, that's where your relationship is based off. she doesn't hate you - she never did and coming to terms with those feelings have been challenging as she tries to catch up to you.
words: 2.1k
previous | next
When Hanni first met you, it felt as if her life was being sucked out by your presence. A face that makes anyone swoon over, along with the brains that Hanni envies – who wouldn’t be if the new student is academically gifted. It didn’t help that your teacher seems to know everything about your background as a student let alone how little information you had given.
She never thought of you as a threat before, but with such name and title, the possibility of taking her spot that she has worked so hard for. She despised you from there on out.
Not a single day came where she had to do better, work harder, as she watches you do your own thing. Everything you did made her feel a slow burning sensation in her body. It became hard once you showed interest that was deemed playful, rather than the typical shouting at each other and getting the other mad. You were playfully flirting with her.
Hanni doesn’t remember when it started or how it started but the burning sensation was slowly turning into butterflies in her stomach. She wanted to hate you, the need to hate you and not the idea that whatever she was feeling to take control. That was why she agreed to Jungwon courting her, maybe she just likes the attention you’re giving her and not the possibility of actually taking a liking to you.
She never truly hated you – it was all an act to make sure to not fall for you.
With parents like Hanni’s, everything she is given must be taken with precaution. One that showcases fake smiles, laughter that has been practised to perfection, and the ability to blend in at any given scenario. She simply can’t be reckless, do the things she loves without thinking of the possible consequences, and run straight on to any given scenario.
She can’t risk it.
Then you came.
Everything that was little Ms. Perfect, that was Pham Hanni, was thrown out of the window. She became reckless with starting petty fights with you, annoying you by singing her favourite songs just so she could see your reaction, and just being herself whenever she’s with you. There was something about the little rivalry between the pair that made her believe that she could let loose – she saw perfection in your entire being only to realise there are flaws that she chose to ignore. Still, she always corrects you.
The most reckless thing she has done always involved you. Accusing you of cheating as Sunoo made sure that either one of your reputations would be ruined for his own personal reasons or how she’s become more and more unsure of whether she should act as if she hates you or admit her feelings.
Hanni avoids the kitchen at home as much as possible or a specific area by the parking lot. The scene keeps playing in her head whenever she goes to the kitchen and she stands by the sink. How she’ll stand by that same spot as she watches you walk away from her every time for the past two weeks.
Remembering the way you wrapped your arm around her waist, how soft and smooth your face is, and how your perfume makes her feel intoxicated. It’s just a memory now, one she replays on repeat as if it's a broken track. What if she had kissed you? What if she wasn’t afraid to admit that you occupy her mind so much that it became the reason why she hates you? What if she never said yes to Jungwon courting her?
Would you be dating by now?
Would things change for the better?
Pham Hanni never hated you – she likes you.
That was where Hanni landed as you continue to avoid her, she’s just glad to have you back in your old spot as Chaewon fought you to make sure that her crush would sit next to her rather than hearing you wallow about missing Hanni. It started slow, something about her changed as she became more like the Hanni you grew to adore in private.
Hanni made sure that you would feel loved or that she doesn’t hate you. From the little gifts of sweets on your desk as you always arrive late, or the little notes in your notebook after lunch, or how Hanni has slowly sat closer to you. It has become harder to avoid the girl.
“Does anyone want candies?” Chaewon looked at you as if you’re crazy, handing her a piece of candy that Hanni had given you in front of her. Watching as you gave your friends the sweets you had gotten that day as if you were truly insane.
To them it was Hanni’s attempt to make things better, avoid any bad blood before college but things have become difficult on your end. Chaewon admitted that you weren’t even talking to Hanni in your clubs together, debate club became boring without rebuttals coming from the pair, or how the student council doesn’t have their honorary member that would mess with Hanni to keep things light.
Even her little attempts of talking to you or trying to be more open such as trying to intertwine your pinkies as you fidget with your ring. Slowly showing signs in your interests and even cheering you on during practice as you question why she’s not in the student council office finalising the paperwork needed for the ball.
“Didn’t know Hanni is your girlfriend?” In the bleachers was Hanni waving at you with the biggest smile on her face as you looked confused at her and questioned why she suddenly acts like she doesn’t hate your guts and wanted to kick you on multiple occasions.
“Yunjin, what the actual fuck?”
“What? You can’t keep avoiding her.”
That was the problem, at any given opportunity you’re running away from Hanni. Even after she left an energy drink in your locker with a note that makes you cringe and run away because this is not the same Pham Hanni from years ago that accused you of cheating and annoys you whenever and however. She hates how you’re slowly fixing your uniform so as to not let her fix it or be near her in any way despite being seatmates and partners in your project. Even when she visits the cafe, you act like you’re taking a break as you hide in the storage room where you’re freezing to death and hope that she leaves once you come out. She doesn’t.
Hanni is now frustrated at you as if everything that had happened was thrown out the window and she doesn’t understand why you’re like that. She just watches you from afar and even if you’re close it still feels so far from reach that you keep on running away and avoiding the issue that
Hanni likes you. You like her.
It didn’t help that Jungwon took this opportunity to talk to her more. Hanni could only observe the way your hands would close tightly, scoffing at every single pick up line Jungwon would say and how he’s too close to your liking. She doesn’t understand why you’re giving such reactions like that when you’ve been avoiding her all this time.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something, Hanni.” Hanni was zoning out as she watches you clearly within earshot slowly tensing by Jungwon that was too close to comfort and there was nothing you could do.
“Will you go to the grad ball with me?” Everything moved fast, Hanni rejecting Jungwon’s offer as Y/N merely sat there processing what she had heard. Silence, you could only hear your heart racing as you turn around to face the two, hoping it isn’t a dream.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“I said no. This whole courting thing? I'm done. I’m sorry but I just don’t see a future with you.” Hanni was free, Jungwon is no longer in the picture of their so-called relationship. Your heart could only beat faster as you watched Hanni walk away.
Everything moved fast as Hanni packed her stuff and left Jungwon standing like an idiot and Y/N running after her as everyone watched it unfold. Chaewon could only smile at her friend who finally is doing something with her feelings and not avoiding the girl who has been occupying her heart since they had first met.
Running away seemed like the only option you had once in front of Hanni – funny how you ran to talk to her only to keep running and avoiding her.
You hate how your heart beats faster when she’s near.
She hates that you’re making her insane by deflecting the issue.
She chases you. Slowly reaching for your hoodie as you run away and towards somewhere that she couldn’t find you. The perks of being a soccer player was that you’re fast but you learned never to underestimate Hanni, not when you’ve reached a dead end and she’s in front of you.
Standing close to you, holding your hoodie and pulling on it harshly just so you won’t run away from her. When was the last time you were this close to her? When was the last time you smelled her perfume and looked at her eyes without looking away and thinking you don’t deserve to be in the same proximity as her? When did Pham Hanni start to look at you the same way you’ve been looking at her for years?
“I’m tired of your games, Park.” Frustrated. She’s frustrated at you and who wouldn’t when her efforts are being thrown out of the window. Looking at her eyes that are on the brink of letting the tears fall as her hold on your hoodie slowly loosens. Weeks of avoiding each other and there you simply stand.
Hanni caresses your cheek, you don’t know when the tears start to flow as her hands slowly turn into fist and hit you as she lets her frustration out. You simply let her as she progressively hits you harder only to stop and cry onto your hoodie. Holding her at an abandoned hallway where she cries in your arms whispering profanities your way and letting everything out.
“I miss your stupid little banters. I miss your messed up uniform. I miss how you would correct me in the debate club. I miss how you would subtly let me borrow your hoodie without me asking. I miss your scent or how soft your hand is and how you hold onto me like what you’re doing right now. I hate that I miss you.”
“I missed you too, Pham.” The thing with Hanni, she’s perfect – ask anyone and they’ll agree. It’s different if they ask you, knowing her flaws and accepting her as she is despite the fact that she has been acting all these years as the Ms. Perfect student.
Pham Hanni is just like you – in a world where everyone’s eyes are on you, there is no choice but to act like someone you aren’t.
“I hate you, Y/N.”
“I hate you too, Hanni.”
At the end of the hallway where you two stood, Hanni doesn’t remember how it came to this. She’s holding onto you as you caress her back to calm her down and whispering sweet nothings as things settle between you two.
“I hate that I’m starting to fall for you, Park.” Hanni hears you laughing and how she missed being the reason for that. She snuggles deeper onto you as hold onto her tightly letting your actions do the talking.
“I’m here to catch you, Pham.”
You made sure that Hanni heard you clearly as you stood there in silence. Even teasing you as she tucked your hair behind your ear to see how red they were.
“Your ears are so red.”
“Shut up.”
Even when the bell rang all you could do was walk back together and act as if Hanni didn’t pour her heart out to you. She finally sits closer to you as the rebuttals start coming back with a smile on your face as you compare scores and discuss lessons as if you didn’t avoid her for an entire month.
“Hm.. any music recommendation?” You looked at Hanni while she finalised the paperwork at the student council office.
“You’re gonna hate me for recommending Harry Styles.”
“I won’t. I never did.”
As you two work together in your own things, with the comfort of the student council office with Adore You playing softly in the background. Hanni looks at you as she sings the chorus without you knowing it’s directed at you.
“Just let me adore you.”
#newjeans x reader#newjeans imagines#newjeans#newjeans hanni#nwjns#hanni pham#new jeans hanni#pham hanni#hanni x reader#hanni imagines#hanni#pham hanni newjeans#drag me down#dmd!yn
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rose-colored boy
𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭: bang chan x reader
↳ Life never goes as planned, when you were younger you always imagined as reaches your mid twenties you would be married with kids. Instead you’re stuck at home helping take care of your sick grandmother and still desperately searching for her fathers approval. The only thing in your life that makes you feel normal is Chan.
𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: non idol au, romance, angst, smut
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit sex, anxiety, and mentions of depression, crying and lots of emotions.
𝐚𝐧: I’m reworking a story I posted in 2020 here. This story is a one shot right now, but if there is enough interest I might write a part two.
𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲
The sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach is an all too familiar feeling that you’re a disappointment. Inhaling a deep breath you're listening to your father gush about your brother and his new wife. Your younger brother sports a proud smile listening to your father. This family dinner was exactly like all the other ones you have shared.
“Y/N have you considered going back to school?” Your father asks, pointing his attention back at you.
Closing your eyes you take a deep breath attempting not to roll your eyes at your father. He’s aware that you don’t have time to go back to school. He chooses to ignore the fact that your grandmother's condition is getting worse and your mother needs all the help she can get. Your father tends to live in his own world ignoring the problems you and your mother and his ex wife face. He stopped caring long before he left your mother, so it’s not like this is anything new.
Looking at your brother you give him a pleading look. You wished he would recognize your silent begging for help.
“I would love too, but mom needs my help with grandma,” you try your hardest to keep your tone even. You don’t need your father or your stepmother Hae-Won commenting about your bitchy attitude.
“Your mother needs to put her in a home and move on,” your father’s cold tone stings. He’s always been a more distant man, but at one point he did actually love your mother and her family.
“Mom needs Y/N,” your brother finally speaks up defending you.
“Darling, listen to your son,” Hae-Won rested her hand on your father's arms. Your stepmother tends to be the voice of reason when it comes to your father. Hae-Won is a kind woman and she always attempts to treat you with kindness.
Dinner continues with a blur. Your father has switched his attention back to your brother and his career. Standing up, walking outside desperately needing fresh air and escape from constant judgment. Your brother walks outside with his car keys in his hand.
“Sorry that was so rough,” he finally speaks.
Shoving your hands in your jeans pockets you try to act like you aren’t fazed by their constant judgment.
“Joshua, that was like every single dinner we have,” looking down at your feet you sigh.
“YN, I’m sorry I’m not there for mom,” he reaches his hand out resting it on your shoulder.
“You’re married now, Rosie needs you.”
Your brother being married had nothing to do with him not helping mom. The moment Joshua went to university he found his escape from the life you were now trapped in. If it wasn’t for you your mother would lose her mind. Your grandmother's Alzheimer's started getting bad while you were in high school, and proceeded to get worse while you were in your first year of university. Your mother’s mental breakdown during the summer after your first year pushed you to drop out to help out at home.
“Did you need a ride home?” your brother asks.
Silently you nod.
The ride was filled with awkward conversation. You and your brother used to be close. When he was at home you used to be best friends. He quickly found a life away from you and your mother. You can’t blame him though. If you were given the chance to run away from all this you in a heartbeat. You dreamed of a life away from yours. You want a life when you don't struggle to get by. You want a life that doesn't feel completely trapped. You desperately want to go back to school and get your degree, but it’s just not an option.
Pulling into the drive of your family home Joshua puts the car in park, but doesn’t turn it off. You want to ask if he’s gonna go inside to see mom, but you know the answer.
“You should come over to have dinner with Rosie and I.” He’s always trying to get you to be closer with his wife.
“Okay,” you say, getting out of the car. Glancing back at your brother while shutting the door you see him wearing a sad smile. You wished things between you and your brother weren’t so strained.
Walking inside you find your mother sitting in the living room talking to your grandmother.
“Hi,” you stop and wave at them.
“Are you my granddaughter?” Your grandmother asks, looking at you.
Your stomach drops and you put on your best fake smile you can possibly muster and nod your head. It never gets any easier. The feeling of her not remembering you feels like a dagger slowly being pushed into your chest. You think back constantly to the days where your grandmother was your favorite person. Back to the days when your parents would fight and your grandmother would come and pick you up and take you out to get ice cream. All the sweet memories you used to share have slowly started drifting away. You can’t help but feel mad that you’re watching one of the people you love most in the world drift away. You’re not nearly as patient with her as you’ve been in the past. You curse yourself each time you give the slightest attitude answering the same question for the hundredth time. It’s hard to explain the way you feel. In the earlier stages when you first dropped out of school you used to sit for hours with your mother keeping her company as she watched her mother, but as the more time has passed its grown more difficult to sit there. These days your grandmother could barely maintain a conversation, and most of her questions were about sore subjects. She often asks your mother where her husband is. Or asked if you were married. Your dating life in itself was a touchy subject. You had zero desire to bring someone into your life. You were trapped enough that nobody deserved to be dragged into this life.
“How was dinner?” Your mother asked, standing up.
“Fine,” you lied, turning on your heels and heading down the hallway towards your room.
Shutting the door press your back against the door and let out the breath you didn’t realize you were holding. Reaching into your pocket you pulled out your phone to see a text from Felix. It simply read “come over to mine and Jisung’s for drinks at eight.”
Looking at the clock on your nightstand you saw it was already eight thirty. You already had a rough night. You should probably take a hot shower and call it a night. Holding your phone up you stared at his text for a solid moment before you simply responded, “be there soon.”
Opening your door walking back into the living room you find your grandma sitting alone. Walking into the small kitchen you find your mom pouring herself a large glass of wine.
“Did you need my help tonight?” You prayed she would say no. You needed a night with your friends especially after your dinner with your dad.
“Where are you going?”
“Felix invited me over for drinks,” you give her a small smile.
“I’m assuming your father was in one of his moods,” she brings the red wine up her lips and takes a big gulp.
“I’m nothing more than disappointment, especially when I’m next to the shining star known as Joshua,” you sound bitter, but you can’t help it. You would be lying to yourself if you said you aren’t jealous of your younger brother.
“You’re not a disappointment,” your mother states.
“Dad thinks I am,” you don’t want to talk about it anymore. This subject just makes you feel even worse.
“Your father's opinion doesn’t matter.” You wish that was true, but for some reason your father’s opinion felt like everything to you. You’ve lived your whole life wanting nothing more than your father's approval.
“Go have fun with your friends.”
Stepping outside you're greeted by the cold autumn air. You choose to walk to the boys place. It’s only a ten minute walk, and you know the walk will give you time to clear your head. You need this time to push away the feeling of disappointment and sadness.
Walking up to the door you knock and step back. It takes all of thirty seconds before Jisung opens the door and pulls you inside. Looking around. In the apartment you see a small group of friends. It’s Felix, Jisung and their six guy friends and three girls. You recognize the blonde girl Soomin as the girl Seungmin has been trying to hook up with.
“Drinks are in the kitchen,” Jisung says.
Nodding you walk into the kitchen. In the small white kitchen you find Chan talking to Felix. Felix wastes no time reaching forward pulling you into a hug.
Pulling away, Felix holds your shoulders and looks at you with his eyebrows knit together. “Why are you so tense?”
“I had dinner with my father and Joshua.”
“Is your father still acting the same?” Felix is one of the few people who know your whole situation with your family. Not even Jisung, who you’re just as close to, knows about your whole family situation.
“Yeah,” you sigh, glancing over at Chan who looks at you like he’s studying you.
“Did you want something to drink?” Chan asked.
Felix removes his hands from you. He smiles over at Chan and says, “make the girl something strong she really needs it.”
Felix walks out of the room leaving you alone with Chan. Things with Chan have always been easy. He’s someone who is kind and easy to make conversation with. You’ve grown closer to him over the last couple months. He’s an old high school friend of Felix. Out of all your friends he seems to by far have his life the most together. He works at a bank in a high up position and even has his own apartment. You’ve watched enough women at bars attempt to capture his attention, but the thing about Chan is he doesn’t seem to want theirs. He’s always seemed so driven by work you’ve never even heard of him dating anyone.
Handing you a red cup he captures your attention, “it’s pretty strong.”
“Is everything okay?”
You take a sip of the strong drink and look up at him with hooded eyes. Shrugging your shoulders you aren’t even sure how to respond to that question. Technically everything is okay, nothing has changed. You feel the exact same way you’ve always felt. You’re just doing a terrible job at hiding it. Normally you pride yourself on trying to hide away all your problems that seem to be eating away at you.
“Rough day,” you sigh.
He leans back against the counter and looks at you. You can’t help but let your eyes travel across his body. Chan is very handsome and you aren’t really sure why some girl hasn’t been able to lock him down. He stands there oh so casually dressed jeans and button up shirt.
“You know you can talk to me right? I know Felix is the only one you fully let in, but I like to think we’re friends too. If you need someone to vent to, I'm here to listen.”
“I don’t need to burden someone else with all my problems.”
Chan is one of the kindest and most caring people that you’ve ever met. He’s always been like the father figure of your group of friends. You’ve seen your friends pull him aside to talk to him when they’re having problems. He’s being honest with you when he tells you he’s there to listen to you. He won't judge you for whatever you’re going through.
“You know you aren’t a burden to anyone right? You’re friends with me and all the boys. We’re all here to support you. We just want to help.”
You wished it was that easy that you could just talk about your problems and it would help them go away. You could scream from the rooftop that you’re tired of feeling like a disappointment, but it wouldn’t make the feeling go away. You could scream that you’re tired of being trapped in a life that you didn’t choose, but at the
end of the day you’ll still have to go home. Your mother is still in desperate need of your help. You couldn’t just walk away from your family, like your brother did. You know your brother didn’t leave to hurt you, but it didn’t dull the pain anymore.
“I’m okay Chan. Thank you for your offer though.”
“Come sit on the patio with me,” he says.
You aren’t sure why he wants you to go outside with him, but nod your head and follow him. He slides the glass door open that’s connected to the kitchen. You step outside and he closes the door behind you. The chilly night air feels nice against your skin as you take a seat in one of the two chairs that are sitting in front of a glass table. Chan sits next to you, placing his cup on the table. You look at the cup curious to know what he’s drinking. It’s rare that you ever see him drink. He’s the one who is always the designated driver or the one in charge of looking after your friends who tend to get a little too rambunctious when they drink.
“What are you drinking?” You ask.
“Water,” he lets out a soft chuckle. You can’t help but shake your head. It was rare you ever saw him eat or drink something that isn’t healthy.
“Did you have work today?” You attempt to make small talk with him to avoid talking about things that are too personal.
“Yeah I worked until five.”
Chan was one of the higher ups at a bank in the city. He tended to wear a suit for a living and work nine to five. He probably had his life the most together out of all your friends he followed the path he always planned on following. Your friends all had their lives together, but they all still liked to party and let loose. Sure Minho and Hyunjin were making good money working as dancers but their job wasn’t always super steady. Felix and Jeongin both worked for a tech company that just started up. Seungmin is a teacher. Jisung also worked as a publisher, and Changbin was working as sound technician at a record label. Literally all your friends have their lives more together than you. You dropped out of college to help at home, and you work a retail job barely getting by.
“Did you work today?” He asks.
You shake your head, “no I had to ask for the day off to see my dad.” You tense up just mentioning your dad. You don’t mean to, it’s just a force of habit.
“You didn’t want to come over tonight did you?” He asks as he brings his cup up to his lips. He takes a drink and watches you.
You weren’t sure if you should answer him honestly. Part of you wanted to stay home and take a shower and just attempt to push away the negative thoughts that seem to be eating away at you. You only came over to escape the trapped feeling of being at home.
“I need to get out of my house,” a heavy sigh passes your lips.
“Are you okay?” He reaches over and rests his warm hand on top of yours. There’s something comforting about his touch.
An almost sarcastic laugh passes your lips, “my grandma didn’t know who I was when I came home today.”
His eyes grow wide as he stares at you. He purses his lips together as he stares at you attempting to figure out what he should say to you. He knows that he can’t say sorry to hear that. He knows nobody fully understands what you’re going through. He only knows about your grandma because Felix told him one day. Felix was worried about you because he hadn’t heard from you in two days. In a panic Felix let him know about the stress you were under at home. Felix swore him to secrecy telling him that you couldn’t know that he knows. That you didn’t want everyone knowing about your problems.
“I know you’re probably tired of hearing this, but I’m really sorry you have to go through that. That must be heartbreaking to experience,” his hand remains on yours as his dark eyes stay on you.
Closing your eyes you push back your tears that are trying so hard to fall. You’ve had a rough day and you don’t want to cry, but the overwhelming weight of the world seems to be resting on your shoulders.
“It fucking sucks,” you shake your head.
“Well my offer still stands if you ever need to talk about it. I'm here for you. You also know that Felix and Jisung would go to the ends of the world for you.”
Felix constantly told you that he was there for you. You couldn’t even count the number of times Felix came over to your house and just laid in bed with you listening to you cry about your problems. Felix is your rock. He’s been there through hell and back holding your hand. Jisung would also be there for you if you would fully let him in. He knows details of your problems, but he’s not the one you call when you’re crying.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” You need to know if he’s doing this just because he is pitying you.
“Because you’re a good person, and you don’t need to feel alone,” his thumb brushes across your skin in a calming motion.
“I don’t feel alone. I have Felix,” it was a lie. You felt lonely all the time. You couldn’t seem to fill the empty hole in your chest.
“You can have more people than just Felix that care about you. All seven of those guys in the house care about you. I even care about you. I can see that you’re hurting, and you can put on a fake smile and try to act happy in front of all of us, but you don’t have to. You’re allowed to be sad, and if someone or something is hurting you, you don’t have to turn off those emotions,” his voice is so calming as he speaks to you. He’s saying things to you that you’ve been needing to hear for a long time. Some of the things he’s saying Felix has said to you as well, but for some reason they just feel different coming from Chan.
“I don’t want to be fake happy anymore.” You wanted nothing more in the world to feel real happiness. You wanted that feeling of being a disappointment to fade away.
“Let more people in then.”
The air between you feels thick as you stare at each other. There’s something between you and you can’t seem to put your finger on it.
“What happens if I let you in?” You take a deep breath keeping your eyes locked on him.
“Then I’ll be there for you. I can be there for you just like Felix.”
“You’ll get tired of hearing about my problems.” You knew Felix was probably tired of listening to you cry.
“Believe me I won’t.”
Looking away from his intense gaze, you need to step away from this. This all feels too overwhelming. Chan removes his hand from the top of yours, noticing your change in demeanor.
“I need some water,” you quickly stand up.
He walks over and opens the sliding door holding it open for you. You walk inside heading straight to the fridge to pull out a bottle of water. He stands in the kitchen watching you.
“I’m sorry if I overwhelmed you,” he walks closer to you.
“I had a weird day. This isn’t because of you,” you don’t want him to know that you were freaking over letting your walls down around him.
You stand there alone for a long moment. Seungmin walks in letting his presence be known singing a random song loudly. Your eyes snap over to your loud friend hoping he will relieve some of the tension that has formed between you and Chan.
Seungmin’s eyes bounce between the two of you, stopping right by both of you. “YN you’re so tense when was the last time you got laid?” Seungmin speaks, putting his hand on your shoulders and shaking you. Seungmin has never been the best at using the filter between his brain and his mouth. Your cheek burn with embarrassment as your eyes bounce between Seungmin and Chan. Chan is wearing an apologetic look while Seungmin looks all too proud that he’s embarrassed you.
“Seungmin you don’t get to ask me that,” you practically shout, feeling utterly embarrassed. You didn’t want to discuss your sex life with Seungmin of all people. He’s got by far the biggest mouth out of all your friends.
“It’s been awhile if you won’t answer,” he barks out a laugh and looks toward Chan who is blushing. “Chan you also look super tense. When was the last time you got laid?” Seungmin has realized that he can make both of you feel incredibly awkward with zero effort. One of Seungmin 's favorite pastimes is embarrassing his friends.
“Seungmin, knock it off,” Chan responded, completely deadpan.
“Maybe you two should have sex and you can both relax for once,” Seungmin smiles, stepping away from you.
“Well that was beyond awkward,” you respond.
“I mean maybe you two should bang. Maybe both of you could actually have fun for once,” was the last thing he said before walking out of the kitchen.
You’re left standing there with just Chan who seems to be having an issue with making eye contact with you. Pushing your lips together you look at him attempting to even figure out what exactly you should say. Seungmin wasn’t wrong about you probably need to have sex. You’d been so stressed you couldn’t even remember the last time you were intimate with someone. Hell the last time you kissed someone was Felix during a drunken game of truth or dare on his birthday. During that drunken mess of a night you were dared to either kiss him or Seungmin and Felix was the safe bet being your best friend.
Chan nervously scratches his neck and looks up at you finally.
“I take it’s been a while for you too?” He finally speaks.
Talking about sex has always made you feel slightly awkward. You’ve never been a person who would openly share details of your sex life.
“Yeah probably too long,” sighing as you lean against the counter across from Chan.
“If it makes you feel any better I’m in the same boat. It’s been a while.”
You aren’t sure what possessive you to say it but without thinking you say, “maybe Seungmin right, maybe I do need to have sex. I’ve been so stressed with everything.”
Chan cocks his eyebrow and stares at you looking caught off guard. He audibly swallows, not expecting you to agree with his younger friend. In the whole time he’s known you, Chan doesn’t think he’s ever heard you mention anything to do with sex. You had this air of innocence to you. He was well aware you weren’t a virgin, he’s heard you talk about your ex who strung you along off and on for six years. There was just something so innocent about you that the topic of sex made you blush and feel awkward.
“Who would you sleep with?” he’s not sure why he asks. He knows damn well it’s none of his business. He knows no matter who you say he’s not going to like the answer. He doesn’t like the idea of you sleeping with anyone.
Shrugging your shoulder you realize you don’t exactly have men lining up the block to have sex with you. You could try those dating apps people use to hook up, or maybe a friend. You trusted all the boys but you knew certain ones would complicate your life. Felix specifically was off limits, he’s your best friend and you couldn’t do anything to ruin that. Changbin crosses your mind for a small moment. He’s extremely handsome and charming and has even flirted with you before.
“I don’t know,” you finally respond.
As Chan watches you can tell you seem to have a million things going through your mind. He wants to offer up his services but he’s not exactly sure how you would take his offer. He couldn’t lie to himself, he's always been attracted to you, and he’s enjoyed getting to know you. He also appreciates that you seem to be letting your walls down around him.
“If I ask you something can you promise not to slap me?”
You nod not exactly sure what he could possibly ask you.
“Would you be willing to have sex with me?” His heart races as he stares at you trying his hardest to judge your reaction.
You look at him completely dumbfounded. You aren’t even sure if you heard him correctly. Bang Chan is one of the most handsome men you have ever laid eyes on. He’s also got the body of a Greek god, and he just asked if you would be willing to have sex with him. You blink a handful of times attempting to process his question.
“You want to have sex with me?” you blurt out.
He nods and gives you an innocent smile, “yeah.”
“Oh,” you stammer over that simple word. Your mind is still trying to process that Chan actually wants you.
He pushes himself off the counter and looks at you with a guilt ridden face, “you can totally say no. I’m sorry for making this weird.”
He looks cute and completely flustered. Reaching you rest your hand on his arm, “if you’re sure you want to. I would like to relieve some stress with you.”
“Oh,” he opened his mouth and stared at you, completely shocked that you agreed. He didn’t actually have a plan of action if you agreed. He thought for sure you were going to shut him down without even thinking twice.
“Did you want to do it tonight?” You felt so weird asking him if he wanted to leave to have sex. This whole situation was completely uncharted for you.
He nods and gives you an awkward smile, “yeah we can go to my place if you want.”
“Can we please head out now?” You want to leave as soon as you can. You know you should stay and talk to Felix some more, but he seems to be giving you space to talk to Chan.
“Yeah I can drive us.”
“Let me say goodbye to Felix.”
You walk off to the living room where you find your best friend talking to Jeongin. You tap his shoulder and he turns to face you.
“Chan is gonna take me home.” You decide to spare the details that you’re leaving with him to have sex. You know out of all your friends Felix won’t judge you, but he might be concerned about your feelings.
Leaning forward he pulls you into a tight hug and presses his lips to the top of your head before whispering that he’ll see you tomorrow.
You wave goodbye to the rest of the group before meeting Chan at the door. He holds the door open and as soon as it shuts behind him he ever so slowly reaches down, taking your hand in his. A spark goes across your skin as he holds your hand tight. He leads you down to the parking garage below the building and holds your door open as you slide inside. He gets in and starts the car. He turns the radio on to give you some background noise.
You drive in silent with nothing but the hum of the radio for five minutes before you break the silence between you.
You clear your throat catching his attention. He glances over at you and gives you a soft smile.
“So, I’ve never done anything like this. Like I’ve had sex outside of a relationship, but never with a friend,” you’re rambling but you really can’t help it.
“I haven’t either,” he reaches over resting his hand on your thigh.
“So we’re both nervous?” You look over at him trying to read his expression.
“Yeah I’m nervous too.” It’s reassuring to know he feels the same way you do.
Pulling into the parking garage. He shuts the car off and gives you a smile before getting out of the car. You take a deep breath before unbuckling your seatbelt. Hoping out of his car you find home waiting for you with your hand out. You lace your fingers with his without giving it a second thought.
Chan felt like a nervous teenager as he held your hand. This whole situation was something he’s never done before. He has a million thoughts going through his mind as he holds your hand leading you towards his apartment. He has one mission tonight, and that’s to make you forget your problems for a little while. He wants to make you feel good and to relieve all the stress that’s built up.
Entering his apartment he releases your hand as he gives you a minute to look around and take in your surroundings. You’ve only been to his place twice and both times you were with Felix and you weren’t there very long. His apartment is pretty large and has a minimalist aesthetic to it. You’ve heard Chan talk about how much he hates decorating. Stopping in his living room in front of his black leather couch. Chan follows you into the living room. Staring at you, he takes a deep breath. You’ve never done this before. You’ve never agreed to just have casual sex with a friend. You fidget with the bottom of your sweater. You’re not sure who is supposed to make the first move. How exactly was this supposed to work?
“We don’t have to do this,” he says awkwardly. He can’t tell how nervous you are.
“I want this. I haven’t had sex in too long and I feel like it will help relieve some stress.”
He steps closer to you. He hesitates for a moment before pushing a piece of hair behind your ear. “It’s been pretty long for me too.”
“You know you have girls always trying to get with you right?” You try not to laugh thinking about all the girls who attempt to flirt with him. You’ve seen too many girls attempt to get his attention when you go out with your friends.
Shrugging he says, “I don’t feel like having sex with random girls.”
You can’t seem to ignore the nervous feeling in your stomach that’s bubbling. Looking up at Chan you notice his cheeks are flushed slightly. He must be as nervous as you. This whole situation is so strange, never in your wildest dreams did you think you would be going over to Chan to have sex with him. The fact that Seungmin dumb comment about you needing to get laid led to you riding over to Chan apartment is crazy.
“How do we even start this?” you felt like an awkward teen about to lose your virginity.
“We could start by kissing,” he steps closer to you.
Nodding your head you agree that kissing would be a good place to start this. Maybe that would help calm your nerves.
He rests his hand on your cheek ever so gently and stares into your eyes. He licks his bottom lip before leaning in and pressing his lips to yours. A warm feeling spread through your body as your lips moved together. One of his hands stayed on your cheek while the other gripped your hip holding you close. The whole time your lips moved together you couldn’t help but overthink everything. You were enjoying the feeling of his lips against yours, but you wondered if he was enjoying it too.
With his lips ghosting yours he whispers, “stop over thinking everything.”
Your eyes snap open and you step back from him. You stare at him with your mouth open, unsure of what to even say.
“Stop overthinking everything. Just let go and enjoy yourself. I’m going to make it my mission to force you to relax tonight,” he leans in to press his lips to your jaw. He places a trail of gentle nips across your skin.
“Okay.”
He presses his lips to yours again and you relax against his touch. His hands run up and down your sides as your lips dance. Wrapping your arms around his neck you pull him close to you. Opening your mouth he slides his tongue against yours.
He pulls away wearing a smile. His hands reach for the end of your sweater. He pauses while he waits for your consent. You nod your head silently.
He removes all your clothes leaving you naked in front of him. You stand there watching as he removes his own clothes.
His body is something to be admired. He has probably the best abs you’ve ever seen. Without even thinking you lean forward and run your fingers across his tone stomach. He watches you intently. He wants this whole night to be about helping you find a release. He wants you to enjoy yourself.
Silently he drops to his knees in front of you. His hands run up your thighs. He moves your thighs so he’s sitting between your legs. His eyes are locked on your already wet core. He’s managed to get you worked up with just the idea of what is going to happen and by the heated kiss you shared.
He runs two fingers through your folds as he presses a kiss to the top of your mound. You whimper in anticipation. His thumb brushes your clit for a moment before he moves his fingers to your entrance. He thrust his finger into your tight wall. His tongue laps at your clit as he pumps one finger inside you.
“You’re so tight,” he groans against your core. He dips another finger in you helping stretch you out. He curls his fingers inside you, touching just the right area. You tangle your fingers in his hair. Closing your eyes you tilt your head back, closing your eyes. You’re so close to finding your release.
“Chh… Chan I’m so… close,” you’re a complete whimpering mess.
He picks up his pace knowing you’re so close. He doesn’t stop until you find your release. The warm wave washes over you. You cry out his name loudly. He pulls away sitting on his hunches looking up at you with a proud smile.
“That was amazing,” you say with your chest rising and falling quickly.
He stands up and leans forward to kiss you. You taste yourself on your lips and you can’t lie it turns you on. Your eyes travel down his body to see that he’s already extremely hard and you haven’t even touched him.
“Let me get a condom.”
He jogs off to his bedroom and comes back rolling the rubber down his hardened length. He stops in front of you and leans in for another kiss. You wished that all those months ago you would have dared to kiss him. You can’t believe you’ve gone this far in your life never knowing the feel of Chan’s lips against yours.
“Can you bend over the back of the couch?” He pulls away asking.
You nod and look over at the leather couch. You follow his lead and walk over to the couch. Bending you over the couch he kissed down your spine. His hand grip your hips tightly. You take a deep breath and look over at your shoulder to see his lust filled eyes staring at you.
“Are you ready?” He grinds his hips against yours slowly.
“Yeah.”
He slides his length between your folds before pushing into you extremely slowly. His hands never leave your hips as he pushes his way in. The feeling of him stretching you is overwhelming. You grip the back of the couch as a gasp passes your lips. He stills is giving you time to adjust.
His chest is rising and falling as he tries to remain calm. “You’re really tight,'' he says with baited breath.
It’s probably been too long since you had sex and you know you need to relax more. “Spread your legs a little,” he puts his foot next to one of yours and gently nudges it. You silently follow his command. One of his hands leaves your hips and he slowly drags it down your spine. His touch feels like electricity running through your veins.
“Sweetheart just relax,” his voice is low and calming.
Taking a deep breath you try your hardest to relax. Sex is supposed to be fun. You aren’t supposed to stress about the problems in your life while probably the most handsome man you’ll ever meet is literally inside you. You nod your head and rest your face against the cool leather sofa.
His hand slowly rubs your back helping you relax. “Did you want to stop? I’m not going to be upset if you want to walk now or at any time during this.”
Lifting your head you look over your shoulder with a shocked look on your face. “I want this. I’m trying to stop overthinking everything,” you explained.
“Can I move?”
“Yes please.”
He leans forward kissing your shoulder before he pulls his hips back. Be pushed back into you, setting a slow pace. With each thrust he fills you completely. You can’t help the low whimpers that pass your lips with each roll of his hips.
The room is filled with the sounds of skin hitting skin, and his low moans, and your soft whimpers. His hands are back to gripping your hips. Everytime he thrust into you, he pushed away the thoughts of the outside world. You try your hardest to get lost in his touch. His pace picks up slowly. His grip on you never falters. Your name has never sounded as beautiful as it does being moaned by him. Dropping your face into the couch you moan his name.
He leans over your body, having one of his hands at your core. His fingers quickly find your swollen bundle of nerves. He brushes it quickly as he’s helping you chase your release.
“Chan,” you whine.
Wet kisses are being placed across the back of your neck. You can’t hold your eyes open, the feeling of the coil in your stomach tightens, almost becoming too much to handle.
He snaps his hips into yours over and over again. You aren’t exactly sure how long you’ve been pushed up against this couch, but you won’t complain. Nobody has ever made you feel the way Chan is. He seems to know exactly how your body ticks. His fingers don’t leave your clit as he whispers encouraging words into your ear.
“Sweetheart, you can go ahead and cum for me.”
You’ve never wanted to come so badly in your life. Pushing your hips up angling them just right Chan is hitting a new area that causes a loud gasp to pass your lips.
“Chan,” you whimper, reaching back for his hand. You need to hold on to him desperately as you’re so close to finding your release.
“I want to see you when you come, pretty,” he says, stalling in you.
Your eyes grow wide confused on why he’s stopped moving. He pulls out of you and reaches out for you. He picks you up and places you on the couch. Laying there on his couch you watch as he moves so he’s hovering over you. He settles between your legs and pushes into you.
“You’re so pretty. I want to see your pretty face when you cum,” his sweet words.
“Chan,” you whimper.
One hand grips his shoulder while the other tangles in his hair. His nose is resting on yours. His pretty lips are parted and low moans pass his lips.
“Kiss me,” you say. You desperately want to feel his lips on yours. His lips crashed against your. The kiss is sloppy and lust filled but you can’t seem to get enough.
Your legs wrap around his waist holding him close. His thrust have slowed as your lips move together.
“Just let go,” he says with his lips ghosting yours.
His command is all that it takes to push you over the edge. The warmth spreads throughout your body as your walls pull on him. You moan into his lips. Your body feels like a live wire. He rolls his hips into you over and over before finally finding his own release.
He stills with his chest rising and falling. He leans forward pressing his face into the crook of your neck. You wrap your arms around his back holding him close as he lays on top of you for a moment. His body weight gives you a sense of comfort. Laying there with Chan in your arms this is the most relaxed you’ve felt in a long time.
He lifts himself up and looks down at you. He pushes away your hair that’s stuck to your face.
“Sorry if I was crushing you.”
A soft laugh passes your lips. He’s so sweet and even post sex he’s still so caring.
“You aren’t crushing me,” you reach up resting your hand on his strong jaw.
He pulls away from you and stands up. You can’t help but watch his naked body walk away to toss his used condom. He comes back to you not even seeming slightly embarrassed that he’s strutting around naked. That probably has to do with his beautiful body, and his amazing abs.
Sitting up you pull your legs into your chest feeling suddenly weird that you're just sitting on the couch completely naked. He sits down on the couch next to you and rests his hand on your knee. He smiles before leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours for a sweet kiss. It was the exact opposit of the last lust fueled kiss you shared.
“You’re so pretty,” he rested his nose against yours.
“Chan, thank you.”
“Did you enjoy it,” you couldn’t believe that he was asking if you just enjoyed the best sex you’ve ever experienced.
You let out a little laugh and nod your head.
“Is it awkward if I ask you to stay the night? I don’t see this as a onel night stand type thing. I would like to spend more time with you.”
He’s a little nervous that you will say no. Chan wants to get to know you even more. He wants you to let your walls down around him. He also just wants your company.
“Are you sure you want me to stay?” You couldn’t believe he was asking you to stay.
“Yeah of course I want you to stay.”
Neither of you bother to put any clothes on. Chan takes your hand and leads you off to his room. His bedroom is somewhere you’ve never seen before. The walls are a bright white and he has a queen size bed under a window that looks out onto the city. He pulls his curtains closed not seeming to care that he’s naked. You crawl onto his bed and pull the blankets back. He lays down next to you and wastes no time pulling you close to his body. Your head rests on his chest as he holds you close. In all your life you had only slept in a man's bed a handful of times. All your ex boyfriends and flames never seemed to hold you like Chan is though.
“Did that help relieve some of your stress?” he asked softly.
“Yeah it did.”
Just being around Chan seems to relax you. This is the first time in the longest time you feel at ease. You aren’t worried about everything going on. You know tomorrow will be a stressful day when your mom asks about where you were overnight, but right now you don’t have to worry about that.
“Thank you for tonight.”
“I told you I want to be here for you, and I’ll be here for you mentally and physically,” his hand rubs your side. “I have tomorrow off. Did you maybe want to get lunch together and hang out?”
You literally spent the whole time you were at Felix’s together and then left with him to have sex. Chan seemed like he couldn’t get enough of you, and you can’t complain. It feels nice to finally be wanted.
“I’ll have to go home and change and check in with my mom, but yeah I’ll get lunch with you.”
A night spent in Chan’s arms is one of the best night's sleep you've gotten in a long time.
*
Bright morning light shining through the thin curtains woke you up. A yawn passes your lips as you stretch out your sore body. The bed feels cold next to you. You look over to see Chan isn’t in bed. A panicked feeling starts in your chest. Maybe this was a sign that he wanted you to leave. Hoping out of bed quickly you look around the room realizing you walked into his room naked. Looking on the dresser you see a pile of your clothes neatly folded. Chan must have gathered your clothes this morning. Walking towards the dresser you see the master bathroom door is shut with the light peaking out from the bottom. You aren’t sure if Chan is in there but you don’t want to find out. You quickly put your bra and underwear on. As you start pulling on your legging the bathroom door opens and Chan walks out a pair of boxer briefs while he runs a towel through his damp hair. The moment his eyes lock on you, you completely freeze like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
“Why do you look like you’re running away?” He asks, tossing his towel in the hamper next to the door.
“I thought you would want me to leave,” you say awkwardly.
“Why would I want you to leave?” Chan doesn’t understand what he did or said that could possibly make you think he wanted you to leave.
“I don’t know.”
“I planned on us grabbing lunch. I actually wanted to spend more time with you.” He wasn’t lying to you yesterday when he said he wanted to be there for you.
“Oh,” you’re caught off guard by him actually wanting to spend time with you.
He steps towards you stopping right in front of you. He places his hand right under your chin lifting it so you’re looking into his dark eyes. He licks his bottom lip before saying, “you can relax around me. You don’t have to try to act happy. Let your walls down and try to trust me.” He so desperately wants for you to trust him like you do Felix.
You open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out. You aren’t sure of what to say to him. Leaning down he presses his lips softly to your forehead.
“Did you maybe want some coffee before you run away from me?”
You nod your head silently.
Stepping away from you Chan reaches into his dresser and pulls out a pair of jeans and pulls them on. He doesn’t bother putting a shirt on. You take this time to pull back on your sweater so you aren’t standing around in your bra and a pair of leggings. He takes your hand ever so casually and leads you out into the kitchen. You can’t help but smile that he’s already made coffee.
Reaching into the cupboard he pulls out two coffee cups. He sits down on the counter in front of you. He walks over to the fridge pulling out a carton of cream. Handing it to you, you pour a little into your coffee before handing it back.
There is a comfortable silence between the two of you as you sip on your coffee. There’s something about being around Chan that’s comforting.
Holding his cup close to his chest he watches you carefully. You seem more at ease and it makes him happy.
“What do you want for lunch?” he asks.
“How does ramen sound?” you ask, knowing there are a million places near to get good ramen.
“Sounds good to me.”
After finishing your cup of coffee you follow Chan back to his room so he can get dressed. Sitting on his bed you scroll through your phone to see a text from your mom and one from Felix.
Your moms text read, “I’m assuming you stayed at Felix.”
While Felix read, “were you okay after last night?” Your best friend knows you well and could tell that you had a rough day.
You send him a quick message saying that you’re okay that talking to Chan helped a lot.
Chan stood in front of you in a sweater with his tight jeans and pair of vans. He smiled at you and you couldn’t help but smile back.
Once again he takes your hand leading you out of his apartment.
Standing in front of his motorcycle you’re at a loss for words. You were well aware he owned a motorcycle, but you hadn’t ever ridden on it. He holds his spare helmet out for you sporting a grin.
“I’ve never ridden on a motorcycle,” you say.
“Are you okay if we take this?” He’s unsure if this is a good idea. You seem so unsure staring at his motorcycle.
“Okay we can take this,” you reach out to take the helmet. He steps closer to you and helps up on your helmet and buckles it.
He gets on the motorcycle and reaches his hand out signaling for him to join him. Climbing on you wastes no time wrapping your arms around him. He starts the bike and heads out onto the main road. You hold on to him tightly.
There’s something about the way you hold him that makes his heart flutter a little. For the longest he wished he could gain your trust. He couldn’t help but be jealous of your friendship you shared with Felix. Sure you and Chan had always been friends, but you always had a wall up around him. You never fully let anyone in other than Felix.
Pulling up to your house, shut the motorcycle off and you quickly climb off.
“Did you want me to wait here?” Chan asks.
Your stomach twists at the idea of having to explain to your grandma who Chan is.
“Yes please if you don’t mind. My grandmother isn’t great with people she doesn’t know.”
“Okay that’s fine. I’ll be here, take your time,” he takes the helmet you had been wearing.
Rushing into the house you find your mom standing in the kitchen holding a cup of coffee.
“YN are you okay?” She asks, stopping you dead in your tracks.
“Yeah.”
She knits her eyebrows together, studying you, “why are you rushing.”
“My friend is taking me out to lunch,” you say.
“Who?” She’s being nosy like she normally is.
“Chan.”
Her eyebrow raises as she slowly smiles, “the handsome man that works at the bank?”
Of course your mom remembers Chan's job, and that he’s attractive.
“Yes.”
“Well have fun,” she smiles before taking another sip of her coffee.
Rushing off to your room you start stripping away your clothes. You toss your dirty clothes in your hamper before grabbing a pair of jeans and tugging them on. Reaching into your dresser you pull out a black and white sweater. Heading off to the bathroom you brush your teeth and wash your face.
You practically run out of the house attempting to avoid your mom. Walking outside you find Chan leaning against his motorcycle scrolling through his phone.
He looks up and smiles at you. Handing you a helmet you put it on and he helps you buckle it.
Crawling onto the back of the bike you wrap your arms around him holding your body close to his. He starts driving down the street and you suddenly feel so relaxed as you hold him. There’s something about him that is just so comforting to you.
Arriving at one of your favorite ramen places Chan turns off his bike and he helps you off. He takes your hand immediately. Chan knows you’re shy and a little more guarded, but he doesn’t give you a chance to put up a wall. He holds your hand like it’s the most natural thing in the whole world.
Walking up to the table he holds out your chair for you. This suddenly feels like a date and you get a nervous feeling in your stomach. You aren’t sure why you get so nervous at the thought of being on a date with Chan. He’s literally the most perfect man you’ve ever met, and you’ve already had sex with him. Yet you can’t seem to push away this nervous feeling.
“Why do you want to spend time with me?” you ask after ordering.
Tilting his head he knits his eyebrows together, “because I like spending time with you. I know it seems like it’s coming out of left field, but YN I like you.”
You can’t believe he just said he liked you. You blink rapidly and just stare at them. How do you even respond to him?
“You like me?”
A half smile forms on his lips, “you’re a beautiful girl, you’re kind, and you have an amazing heart.”
“Oh.”
“I’m not asking you to suddenly be my girlfriend. I want to spend time with you, I want to be your friend. I want to be someone you feel like you can trust enough to talk to about the things you’re going through,” reaching out he takes your hand in his. He rubs his thumb across the palm of your hand. His touch instantly relaxed you.
“Chan, I'm a mess. I’m not easy to be with. I feel bad Felix has to deal with me half the time.”
He squeezes your hand gently, “stop, I’m not asking you to give me anything here. I’ll just be your friend if anything, but I want you to know how I feel.”
Before you can say anything the waiter walks over and puts your bowls of ramen on the table in front of you.
Staring at the steaming bowl of soup you’re still trying to process everything Chan just said to you.
“Please say something,” he says.
“I want to get to know you more. I also want to spend more time with you.”
A large smile spreads across his face as he grabs a pair of chopsticks.
He spends the rest of lunch answering questions about himself. In the last twenty-four hours you’ve talked about yourself enough. You want to know more about the man who seems extremely interested in spending more time with you.
When the waiter brings over the check Chan hands him this card without even looking at the check. You tell him thank you. You didn’t expect him to pay for you.
Arriving at your house you hop off the bike, and before you can walk away Chan reaches out and grabs your wrist. He turns you so you're facing him. He raises his eyebrow and tugs you closer to him.
“I’m serious about wanting to spend time with you,” he knows he is putting himself on the line right now, but he knows he needs to. “Please give me a shot here. Let me be there for you.”
“Okay,” you say softly.
He leans in close to you and presses his lips to your cheek for a soft kiss. You can help but smile as he pulls away.
“I’ll text you.”
He rides off and you’re left with your head feeling as if it’s swimming. The overwhelming feeling that he’s interested in you makes your head spin. You aren’t sure why anyone as perfect as him could be interested in you.
Everything’s a blur as you walk into your room you lay down staring at the ceiling. Chan sweet words play over and over in your ears. Closing your eyes you could picture his soft smile.
You aren’t sure how long you were laying there when your door opened. Looking at the door you find Felix standing in your room.
Throwing himself onto your queen size bed you can’t help but smile at Felix. His eyes are narrowed in on you.
“So what’s going on with Chan?” He didn’t bother asking anything else. He just jumped straight to the point.
Glancing at him from the corners of your eyes you find him staring at you.
“Nothing,” you lied. There was clearing something going on with Chan, but you just weren’t exactly sure.
“Then why didn’t you come home last night?” He smirks at you. It’s extremely clear he knows you were with Chan.
“Lee Felix, what do you know?” Sitting up quickly you grab a pillow holding it on your lap.
“Well your mother asked me when I walked in how our sleepover was. Like we’re teenagers again.”
Your eyes grow wide at the fact your mother asked Felix about you staying over.
“Please tell me you lied to her.”
He reaches up grabbing the pillow from your lap, “of course I lied.”
“Thank you.”
“Did you stay at Chan last night?”
Biting your lip you contemplate lying. You don’t want him asking details about what happened, but you can’t lie to him.
“Yeah I stayed with him.”
“What happened there?” he sits up.
“Lix,” a heavy sigh passes your lips. You know you can’t hide the details from him anymore.
“Just tell me. I’m not gonna judge you,” he’s sitting on your bed with his legs crossed.
“We had sex,” you sigh.
“I knew it,” he almost shouts.
Shaking your head you try to push away your embarrassment. You never shared anything about your sex life.
“How did that even happen?” Felix knew that you were friends, but he didn’t know that you were nearly close enough with Chan to have sex with him.
“We spent the whole night just talking and stupid Seungmin made comments about us needing to get laid and somehow it got us having sex to relieve some stress,” you ramble on quickly.
He stares at you blinking and processes your statement. A smile tugs on his lips. Felix knows that Chan is a good guy and he won’t do anything to hurt you.
“Please say something,” you say softly, pulling your legs into your chest.
“I think you should give Chan a chance. He’s not gonna hurt you.”
“I’m a mess,” your eyes start to tear up.
“Give him a chance,” he puts his hand on your knee and looks into your eyes.
“I’ll try,” you say softly.
You spend the rest of the afternoon laying on your bed with your best friend. You move away from the subject of Chan which you’re thankful for. Eventually Felix convinces you to watch a movie with him. Your mom peaks her head asking Felix to stay for dinner. Your mother has loved Felix from the moment you met. Anytime Felix comes over to your mom to ask him to stay for dinner. Your grandmother also seems to love him. Even though she can’t always remember his name. She does remember she loves him. He always sits on the couch and will talk to her and tell her cute jokes. There’s a reason you’ve let your walls down around Felix. He’s just always seemed to be there by your side. You hope soon you can let your walls down around Chan as well.
Regarding taglist:
If you aren’t interacting with my writing outside of liking the new post I’m gonna have to remove your name from the taglist. You will also be removed if I try to tag you and your blog is listed as "invisible". If you've changed your URL and didn't let me know I will also be removing your name. I’m sorry for the inconvenience but my interactions outside or likes feels like it’s nonexistent right now. All of my taglist are still open though. If you request to be added to one via this form, I kindly ask for interactions in the form and feedback and reblogs. To be quite honest, those really encourage my writing.
#stray kids#my writing#stray kids smut#stray kids x reader#bang chan#skz#bang chan x reader#stray kids fanfiction#bang chan fanfic#bang chan imagine#rose colored boy#bang chan angst
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What? Like It’s Hard?
gn reader x soonyoung
summary: With the help of a little bit of bleach, Soonyoung is certified legally blonde–complete to last minute-dedication to scoring as high as Elle Woods on the LSAT. While he has no interest in law school, he’s notorious for never turning down a dare. So how does a frat bro in serious danger of failing his senior year get a 179? He asks the smartest person he knows.
Or, studying for a law test has never seen this much chemistry.
genre: fluff, angst, non-idol au, uni au, friends to lovers, opposites attract
warnings: swearing, drinking, food, arguing, a couple sex jokes, one spicy scene at the end but no actual smut, refusal to acknowledge feelings, what's the word for beyond oblivious????
full wc: 24.3k
playlist! - i'm not very good at this but i tried to add songs alternating between yn and soonyoung :)
a/n: hello!! first of all, sorry this so long! it's been a very very busy summer. thank you to everyone who has continued to show interest in the story, it's really kept me going. i honestly have no idea what this is anymore but i hope it does not disappoint :) as always i appreciate feedback of any form <3 thank you again for reading and have a lovely day! finally, happy scoups day :)
a/n2: a special shout out to @chocolatemilk139 for being my beta and for helping me fact check... why do i keep writing about lawyers when i know absolutely nothing about the field.......
“Nope.” You grab your backpack, shoving your laptop inside, but he gets to your water bottle before you can reach it.
“Come on.” Soonyoung pouts his lips.
“I won’t do it,” you say.
Soonyoung hugs your water bottle hostage against his chest, dark blue hiding in the crook of his elbow, bright against the pale pink sweater he wears. It’s an unusual choice for him, normally clad in baggy jeans and loose t-shirts. Still, the color highlights his new hair, blonde bordering on white. Hardly the first time he’s done something insane for a bet.
“Please! I’m desperate!” He cries again, stepping closer, though he keeps a firm grip on your water bottle. You never should have told him how emotionally attached you are to it; you should have known it would be held against you.
“No,” you say. You sling your backpack on, just in case he gets any other ideas. The other students shoot dirty looks at you, actually in the library to study (like you were, until Soonyoung arrived). So you grab him by the arm, rolling your eyes at how he jerks the water bottle out of reach.
“Walk and talk, we’re not doing this here,” you say, folding your arms over your chest.
“Come on, how hard can it be?” Soonyoung asks. “It’s just a test.”
“Just a test?” You snort. “Soonyoung, you are aware that most people don’t apply to law school on a dare?”
“I don’t have to get into law school!” He says, “just get a 179 on the LSAT.”
As if that makes it any better. You eye Soonyoung and his tight grip on the plastic. Maybe it’s a lost cause and you should just swing by the bookstore to get a new one instead. But that water bottle has butterfly stickers that have survived since freshman year and a dent from the time Jun tried to use it as a weapon in a fight against Jihoon (that was declared a draw when the bottle busted open and doused both of them equally); it holds memories better than water and you’ll be damned if you let Soonyoung hold it hostage.
“That’s actually harder,” you mumble. From the corner of your eye, you can see him tucking the blue bottle under his right arm, farthest from you. This won’t be easy, especially since you saw the poorly disguised thirst trap of him and one of his frat bros at the gym: those arms are not to be underestimated.
“I’ll pay you!”
“With what money?”
Soonyoung pauses. You’ve reached the exit by now, sunlight warming you through the glass doors. He turns to the sunlight, and you know he’s pretending to be a main character from an artsy film (not that he’s ever seen on). He takes a deep breath, as if he already regrets what he has to say next.
“Okay, I’ll offer you the only services I have.” He turns to face you, eyes on the floor.
“Oh my god, Soonyoung!” You shove his shoulder. “You are not selling your body for a test!”
“But it’s all I know!” He says. He pokes your arms. “You could have so much muscle if you lifted just twice a week.”
“Oh.” You blink at him. “You meant working out?”
“What did you think I meant?”
You feel heat rush into your cheeks. You push the door open, praying Soonyoung doesn’t notice. “It doesn’t matter,” you say, not daring to check if he’s following. “I don’t have time to workout.”
“Then what do you want?” Soonyoung asks. He stays just out of reach, adjusting his grip so that the water bottle hangs from his hand. “Please, I’ll do anything!”
“Why do you need me?”
“Because you’re the smartest person I know,” he says without hesitation. In the three years of your friendship, you’ve learned that the only time Soonyoung isn’t serious is when he flirts.
“You are,” he insists. “Plus you’ve already taken it, so you’re my best chance. My only chance, it’s not like I have a good track record with tests.” He gives you a lopsided smile as he tries to pretend like he’s joking. But Soonyoung has always been easy to read. You see the sparkle in his eyes dim, and you remember freshman Soonyoung–when he failed the midterm and holed up in his room in the frat house for two full days, not even venturing out to drink. It’s that damn sparkle that gets to you. He isn’t paying attention anymore, water bottle hanging loosely from his hand, but you can’t bring yourself to snatch it.
“You can pass it,” you say with a sigh. “It’s about studying correctly.”
“I don’t know,” Soonyoung says. “I’ve never really studied.”
“Well, that’s what I’ll teach you.”
Soonyoung freezes, grabbing your arm. “Seriously?” When you turn to face him, his smile is so bright it warms you from the inside out, hotter than the actual sun on your skin. He throws his arms around you, wrapping you in a hug so tight he lifts you off the ground. Your heart does this strange thing where it hops into your throat. Your arms come up as a reflex but his embrace is too tight for you to even hug him back.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He shouts. He doesn’t let go, even when he sets you back down. He loosens his arms just enough to look at you, the full force of his smile directed at you. “I swear you’re welcome at the frat house any time, I’ll buy you anything you want when I have money, I’ll drive you wherever you want if I can get Seungcheol’s car, I’ll do whatever, just thank you, thank you, thank you.”
You know you should answer, or say something, but thinking is too much when he’s so close you can smell the strangely sweet combination of laundry detergent, cologne, and sweat. You push out of his arms, snagging your water bottle on the way out.
“It’s whatever,” you mumble. Though his arms aren’t around you anymore, you feel strangely hot, like your blood is boiling, and your heart still pounds.
“It is not whatever,” Soonyoung declares. “I swear, whatever you want, I’ll do it.” He holds a hand over his heart and if it was anyone else you’d think they were joking but it’s Soonyoung: he’s deadly serious.
You can’t handle his gaze anymore, turning to study your beat up sneakers. “Really? You’ll get my first edition copy of Pride and Prejudice from Jun?”
“I’ll get that book back.” He glances at you. “It is a book, right?”
“Yeah,” you say. “Though there’s been some good adaptations.”
“That’s the one with the zombies?”
“Zombies?” You frown. “Oh my god, do you mean Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?”
“That’s not the original book?”
“No,” you say, laughing. “The original is Jane Austen, in the 1800s.”
“Oh,” Soonyoung says.
“I’ve actually never seen that one,” you say. “It’s the only adaptation I haven’t seen.”
“How many movies are there?”
“Well, there’s the 1940 adaptation, the BBC series that’s widely regarded as the most faithful adaptation, the 2005 Kiera Knightley movie that’s iconic, plus the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, which is a vlog-style Youtube adaptation. Then of course there’s Jane Austen’s other works, like Persuasion, which, the new one, for the record, was a terrible adaptation.” You stop when you realize you’re dangerously close to going on what Jihoon calls ‘an Austen tirade.’
“I liked the movie,” he says after a pause. “I don’t know if it was that good, or close to the books. But it was fun.”
“I’ll have to watch it, then,” you say. “I know it’s the obvious choice, but Pride and Prejudice really is my favorite Jane Austen novel. Good luck getting it back from Jun though. He’s studying abroad this semester.”
“He’s the friend from your history class?”
“No, that’s Jihoon, my roommate,” you say. “Jun was in my language class.”
“I thought you hated everyone in that class.”
“Oh, I did,” you say. “But Jun is friends with Jihoon, so he sort of just became my friend too.”
Soonyoung hums, saying nothing else. You don’t recognize the song, though you tend to mostly listen to classical music when you study or whatever Jihoon blasts from his room, so it’s not that surprising. The melody is nice, though. Well, Soonyoung’s voice is.
“I really am grateful,” Soonyoung says. “I know I was begging, because I don’t think I can do this without you–well, I don’t know if I can do it with you, but you’re my only hope and–I’m rambling again.” He flashes a smile. “The point is, thank you.”
You shrug, feeling shy under his gaze. “It’ll help me study anyways,” you say. “You learn a lot when you teach.”
“I thought you already took it?”
“I only got a 150,” you say, sighing. “I need at least a 165.”
Soonyoung nods, forehead creasing like it always does when he’s lost in thought. “Thank you anyway.”
“Well, you swore to do whatever I tell you,” you say, desperate to change the subject. “Don’t think I won’t abuse that.”
“Oh, YN,” he says, “I’m counting on it.” He even winks.
You cough, choking at the outright flirting. Soonyoung hasn’t tried a line on you in so long you thought he’d used them all. He isn’t serious–it was engraved in his DNA the second he became a fully fledged member of Sigma Beta Tau but it’s not like many people flirt with you, so it’s hard to stop your heart from jumping.
You check your phone, unable to look him in the eyes. It’s 2:18 now, prime naptime if you can get back to your apartment before Jihoon gets back. But if it’s past two, unless he lied to you at the start of the semester, that means Soonyoung should be in his data ethics class. “Hey, don’t you have class right now?”
Soonyoung glances at the time on his phone. “Shit.” He takes off, sprinting across the grass, dodging three picnics and narrowly avoiding getting rocked in the back of the head by a frisbee. He pauses at the edge, turning back around to wave wildly at you.
“Thank you!” He shouts. The picnickers glance between you and him and you can feel the blush returning. Soonyoung doesn’t notice all the eyes on him, waving like a goofball one final time before sprinting off again. Like a whirlwind, he’s gone again, leaving you to stroll across campus and wonder what you just signed up for.
.
.
Soonyoung’s brow furrows into a frown, lips pulling together in a pout. He rests his chin on his hands, looking up at you from the table like a puppy that knows he’s in trouble. “That bad?”
“Your analytical reasoning was good!” You say, not wanting to destroy him just yet. “The logical analysis wasn’t that bad either, you just need practice.”
“Wasn’t there a third section?”
“The score for reading comprehension was pretty bad.” Horrendous, actually, but you can’t tell him that, not when he’s deflating faster than a balloon at a knife throwing contest. He sits back, head knocking lightly against the back of the stiff library chairs.
“We can work with this! It’s really not that bad,” you say. You reach out instinctively, wrapping your hands over his hands. Your thumb rests against the soft smooth skin of the back of his hand, the rest of your fingers brushing lightly against his calloused fingers. You jerk back when you realize what you’re doing, patting his hands once and grabbing the workbook in front of him as if it’s what you meant to do all along. You study the upside down words, not daring to look at the disgust that’s probably painted on Soonyoung’s face.
“You can start with practicing the logic problems,” you say, flipping through the work book. “I’ll figure out a strategy for the reading portion.”
Soonyoung heaves a sigh, sitting up and hunching over the workbook. You flip open one of your old workbooks and try to pretend like you’re not trying to melt away from embarrassment.
“This isn’t very much teaching,” Soonyoung says without looking up. “Lots of problem solving.”
“I don’t really know what I’m doing either,” you say. “I just watched a lot of youtube videos when I was studying last year. I should have known better than to take it over the summer, though.”
Soonyoung glances up. “How come?”
You chew on your lip. You’ve known Soonyoung for a while now, but you’ve never talked to him like this, mentioning any real things other than complaining about roommates. Soonyoung would listen, probably say the ‘right’ things, but it’s a study session, so you just say, “Just not good timing.”
He nods, returning to his humming. You turn to your own workbook, trying to figure out how to get Soonyoung to actually read the passages for the reading comprehension. Twenty minutes pass in an instant and Soonyoung drops his pencil, sliding his journal with the answers back in front of you. You flip to the answer key, scanning between the two.
“When are you taking it again?” Soonyoung asks while he waits.
“Just before Halloween,” you say. Exactly 38 days from now, according to the IMPENDING DOOM countdown clock on your phone.
“That soon?”
You shrug. “I wanted to give myself time to take it again in case I bomb it and it had to be before midterms, so, yeah.”
“Is it really that bad to take all your tests at once?” Soonyoung asks.
“I mean, finals week pretty much kills me every semester. I actually thought I was cutting it close with only two weeks between it and midterms.”
“Is November cutting it too close?”
“Depends on when in November you plan on taking it,” you say, “though you probably won’t be able to take it again if you don’t like your score.”
“Not a problem for me,” Soonyoung says. He doesn’t waver against your raised eyebrow. “I’m getting that 179, first try.”
“You’re that confident?”
“In you.” He winks. “Also the bet is off if I don’t get it on the first try.”
You nod. “Yeah, that makes more sense.” You glance at your calendar. “
“November 18th.”
“That’s not too bad, you dodged between midterms and finals, there should be plenty of cram time.”
Soonyoung shrugs. “I just scheduled it so that I would get the results before the Christmas party.”
“I didn’t think you would be the religious type.”
“Oh, I’m not,” he says. “The frat has this annual post-finals party before people go back home for holiday break, usually on the last day of finals. There’s no way I’m letting Seungkwan get away with my hard earned Playstation, and there’s no way he’d miss the party.”
“You can’t just buy your own game?”
“It’s a console actually,” he says, “and that’s not the point.” You prepare for some lecture about honor or frat code or something overly dramatic and inspired by any of the countless war propaganda movies he loves, but he closes his mouth.
“I guess it doesn’t really matter,” you say. You turn back his sheet, half the answers marked with a dark blue X because red feels too cruel. “You’re clearly committed.”
He sighs at the answers, flipping back to the first question and frowning. You think the conversation is over, but without looking up from glaring at the right answers, he says, “You should come.”
“To?”
“The Christmas party.”
You stare at the top of his head but he doesn’t seem to notice. You wonder how he manages to keep his hair so blonde without ruining his scalp but you don’t see any dandruff. “Me?” You finally say.
“You said you’d come, like, freshman year,” he says. “You never did.”
You did promise, back when you saw him for class every day. But frat parties weren’t your scene back then. They aren’t your scene now. Nothing about blasting music and binge drinking appeals to you, and yet Soonyoung peeking at you from his notebook makes you feel guilty anyways. He looks at you like he really doesn’t understand why you wouldn’t want to go.
And that’s the worst part: for Soonyoung, you would go. When he looks at you with the damn Soonyoung Sparkle, you’d do anything.
“I’ll… think about it,” you finally say.
He looks at you for a moment longer, then nods, like he didn’t really expect you to say yes. You try not to feel like you’re letting him down.
“Can you explain this one to me,” he asks, turning the book so you can see it from across the table.
You skim the question, which turns out to be a series of questions about stained glass windows. You take a moment to glance between Soonyoung’s answers and the correct ones.
“Walk me through your process,” you say.
“Okay, I start with…”
.
.
“Soonyoung, are you even listening?”
He blinks at you, lifting his head from his arms. “Something about strategies? For reading?”
You snap the book shut, shaking your head. You open your mouth, speech on responsibility and studying on the tip of your tongue but one look into Soonyoung’s Sparkle Eyes (patent pending) and all the words are gone. You really need to figure out how to get around that super power.
“Come on, it’s so nice out,” he says. “We should be outside.” He grabs your hand. “This is not studying weather, this is dating weather.”
“Soonyoung your test is in two months, you seriously want to skip?” You don’t dignify the second part of his complaint with a response. The idea of Soonyoung on a date makes your stomach flip.
He sighs. “No, but it’s October, we won’t get many more nice days, so can we at least go outside?”
You hesitate a heartbeat too long and Soonyoung jumps up. He closes the workbook, knocking loose papers off the table and sending highlighters of every color flying in every direction. The chaos earns a couple side eyes from the people around you and a full on glare from the person directly next to him, but Soonyoung, as Soonyoung as ever, doesn’t seem to notice. He picks up the papers and highlighters, shoving them into his backpack without a folder and slinging it over his shoulder. You can only follow him, grabbing the drinks before he tries to carry them along his laptop. When it comes to Soonyoung, mixing liquids and technology is more dangerous than mixing alcohols. You haven’t forgotten The Coffee Incident, flooding his backpack at 8 in the morning.
He drags you out of the library, though you don’t put up much of a fight. Soonyoung makes you want to relax, just a little, and when he smiles back at you as soon as he steps out of the sunlight, you find you don’t regret a thing.
Soonyoung pulls his emergency blanket out of his blanket, passing it to you. He’s more prepared for naps than any class he’s ever taken but the thin fabric is soft so who are you to judge? He heads straight for the quad, which is already filled with people, some groups of friends, too many obvious couples with heads in each other's laps or arms wrapped around each other. Soonyoung settles down in a relatively unpopulated corner, taking the blanket back to shake it out the blanket a few times before laying it flat on the ground.
Soonyoung groans when you pull out the workbooks as soon as you sit down. “There isn’t anything more fun to study?”
“Soonyoung, it’s the LSAT,” you say. “It’s not really meant to be fun.”
“But–”
“You’re the one that wanted to go outside,” you remind him, tapping his arm with a pen. “If you’re too distracted we’ll have to go back into the library.”
He gazes at the other people laughing for a long moment before turning to face you again. You raise your eyebrows and he takes the workbook from your hands, flipping it open to the sticky-note bookmark.
The next twenty minutes are relatively quiet, the only noise coming from the chatter of the people around you, too far away to clearly hear, and Soonyoung humming while working through practice problems. You’re not sure if he even realizes he’s doing it, though he bobs his head slightly. You wonder what Soonyoung is like when he isn’t trying to get out of studying–even outside of the party invites you’ve avoided, you rarely see him on campus (because you aren’t on campus when you don’t have to be). You almost went to dinner with him to celebrate passing the business class freshman year where you met him, but you got food poisoning and he never rescheduled.
It’s for the best, though. Even like this, tutoring him minus payment of any kind, you can tell that spending too much time with him will be dangerous. He flirts so easily it feels genuine, and even though he can be ridiculous, he’s never been anything but lovely to you. And it doesn’t help that he’s hot. He glances up, as if he can feel you staring, but he just flashes a smile at you and ducks his head again. Damn frat bros with endearing charms that melt you like the perfect grilled cheese.
Perfectly blue without a cloud in sight, the sky is an empty canvas above you. The air is just the right temperature, just between hot and cold, the sun ensuring that it never dips into the latter. Just the slightest breeze kisses your skin, lifting the edges of the papers but never flipping them. Soonyoung was right: the perfect date weather.
“Soonyoung?” You turn your head to see a dark haired man standing over you. Wearing a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and sides ripped open, you figure there’s a 80% chance he’s one of Soonyoung’s frat brothers.
“Seokmin?” Soonyoung frowns.
“You were actually serious?” Seokmin asks, gesturing to the books. “You know Seungkwan said it as a joke, right?”
“Yeah, but a bet is a bet,” Soonyoung says. “And I really want his Playstation.”
Seokmin snorts. “You know he only said it because he knows you can’t do it.”
“I’m not like I’m losing anything by trying.” Soonyoung sets his lips in a sharp line of determination (which you recognize from the dining hall when he sweet talks his way into free cookies). Seokmin raises his eyebrows at his aggression but eventually decides it’s not worth the fight. Instead, he plops down on the blanket, making a little triangle between the three of you.
“You must be YN,” he says, extending his hand. His easy smile and the way he sat down without waiting for an invitation reminds you of Soonyoung. Unlike the faux blonde, it feels foreign and you shift a little closer to Soonyoung instinctively.
“It’s nice to meet you,” you lie. Seokmin’s eyes curl into little half moons when he smiles, apparently not noticing your awkwardness. You can’t help but feel like he’s intruding as he turns to Soonyoung and asks him to explain what he’s doing. Soonyoung explains it well, though it helps that he was working on the analytical reasoning section.
It’s because he’s interrupting Soonyoung’s studying. That’s why it bothers you that he’s here, even though Soonyoung doesn’t seem to mind and Seokmin seems genuinely interested. Unfortunately, the revelation doesn’t stop you from wishing Seokmin would just leave.
“I don’t know how you do any of this,” Seokmin says after Soonyoung explains the next problem.
“It’s easy!” Soonyoung says. “Half the time the answer is in the question, you just have to know where to look!”
“Quoting me?” You raise your eyebrows.
“Well I did learn from the best!”
“So cliche,” you mutter but the compliment gets you smiling anyway. You look up to find Seokmin looking at you. He has a strange look on his face, frowning, but not angrily. He looks a little bit like when Soonyoung can’t decide between the right answer and the second best option. He doesn’t look away when you catch him staring.
“What?”
He pauses a long moment before answering, as if pondering how to answer. Finally, he says, “I like you.”
You stare at him. Soonyoung had been diligently working on practice problems but his head jerks up at the words.
“I mean, you’re a cool person,” Seokmin quickly says. “Good tutor for Soonyoung.” After hearing his name, Soonyoung grins and turns back to underlining in the workbook.
“Tutor?” You say. “I really don’t think I’m doing all that much.”
Seokmin shrugs. ”I don’t know many people that would spend this much time with someone if they aren't helping. Besides, either way, I’ve never seen Soonyoung this dedicated before.”
“That’s because you don’t dare to bet against me,” Soonyoung says without looking up.
“He might have a point there,” you say. Soonyoung takes a moment to smile at your support.
“What I’m trying to say is that you’re cool,” Seokmin says.
“Thank you?” You wait for him to say something else but he sits back and rests his hands behind him, stretching out in the sun a little more. Sighing, he tilts his head toward the sun.
“Seems like the weather will turn cold soon,” he says. “This might be the last warm day of the year.” He glances at Soonyoung. “And you’re spending it here instead of pre-gaming the Tau party.”
Soonyoung’s pencil freezes. He peeks up at Seokmin, then at you, then shrugs. “I take my bets seriously.”
“Whatever,” Seokmin says. He lays back fully, half of his body sticking off the blanket into the grass. “What are the Ke$ha lyrics? ‘The party don’t start ‘til Soonyoung walks in?’” He doesn’t wait for a correction. “I think I’ll wait until you're finished and we’ll tear it up together.”
Soonyoung glances at you, then unsuccessfully tries to hide his laughter at your expression. You don’t mean to be rude, but Seokmin really just invited himself all on his own and crashed your picnic. Study date. Outdoor study session. The name doesn’t matter, what does matter is it’s only supposed to be you and Soonyoung.
“He’ll fall asleep in about five seconds,” Soonyoung whispers. “He doesn’t actually care about the party, he just likes my nap blankets.” On that point you can’t really blame Seokmin.
“As long as it doesn’t disrupt your studying,” you say.
“Right,” Soonyoung says, more to himself than you. “That’s what’s important.”
You aren’t so oblivious that you miss his bitterness, but you are enough of a coward to decide not to ask about it. How do you even ask about something like that? You can barely answer his questions about the LSAT, so feelings? No chance.
You flip open your own workbook and set a pencil case down to keep the book open and ignore the soft snores from Seokmin. Soonyoung hums, the soft breeze carrying the gentle tune to you and easing you into a false sense of comfort, planting the idea that it’s always been like this and it always will be. But Soonyoung will take the LSAT in November and you will graduate in the spring and there won’t be any more excuses for seeing him, let alone laying out in the sun with him. Letting yourself enjoy this moment has dangerous consequences for your heart.
And yet you enjoy the warm sun on your skin and hum along with Soonyoung anyway. Seokmin is right: this kind of day won’t last long.
.
.
You jump awake at the sound. It takes you a moment to register where you are, to blink the sleep out of your eyes and recognize the stiff library chairs, the yellow tinted lighting of the study rooms on the third floor. Built like a prison cell with no windows and stained linoleum floors, you aren’t entirely sure how you fell asleep. The last thing you remember is working on your essay on Sense and Sensibility, which was rather difficult since you haven’t had the time to finish rereading it. Your book rests on the table next to your open laptop, screen dark.
A second knock reminds you why you woke up in the first place and you turn to the door. Through the glass door you see a student with a backpack hanging off their shoulder, half smiling. They turn the knob, opening the door just enough to stick their head in.
“Hey, sorry, I think I have the room scheduled,” they say.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I lost track of time,” you say, slamming your laptop shut and shoving everything into your backpack. To their credit, the other student doesn’t rush you, even apologizing and telling you to take your time. But if you’ve lost the room, that means the two hours you had booked the study room for–the two hours you designated for writing the essay and doing problem sets–were spent asleep, which means the LSAT cram schedule has been completely thrown off with only three days before the test.
You groan as you step into the elevator, pressing the button for the fifth floor. The farther up, the more intense the quiet levels get. Hopefully it won’t be so quiet that you fall asleep, but since you got a nap, you should be able to power through an all-nighter. It wouldn’t be the first time. You brace yourself to check your phone for the time, though being kicked out of the room means you already know your fate. 9:08 means that you have a little less than three hours until the library closes. You’ve done more with less time.
The first couple desks are occupied by students but you don’t stray, heading for a familiar corner, ignoring the empty desks that line the stacks. Your corner, that you found freshman year during finals season when you couldn’t find an empty desk, is perfect: hidden behind the encyclopedia shelves with a light directly above it, only three dicks carved into it–all on the underside (discovered on a particularly bad day where you found it most comfortable to lay underneath and rethink your entire life). You smile at the small comfort, striding through the stacks with Sense and Sensibility still in your arms.
You nearly drop the book when you see the backpack, abruptly turning despite the fact that it must have been obvious to whoever stole your corner that you were headed there. You feel rage boiling up and threatening to spill. You close your eyes, reminding yourself that the corner isn’t actually yours. Still, as you settle into a desk facing a giant window that reveals the dark campus, you can’t help but feel bitter. Your thoughts stray to the desk that should be yours, even as you pull out your computer.
BATTERY LOW
The words light up your screen, mocking you before the screen falls dark again. You dig in your backpack for your charger that you always slip into the main pocket. You feel your underused pencil pouch, the single journal since you keep most of your notes on your laptop, LSAT prep book, your three folders, and no charger. Even when you look inside and lay the entire contents of your backpack on the desk in front of you, the only charger you find is for your phone. Which means the longer laptop cord is probably sitting on your desk, all the way back at your apartment.
A twenty minute walk back, twenty minutes less for writing your essay. You can start it on your phone, maybe, though the thought of switching between reading the Sparknotes and typing already exhausts you. It’s moot anyways, since all you can do is sit and stare at the desk, covered in the contents of your soul. This is what your life has become: a stack of paper that weighs less than the digital universe on your laptop that’s all contingent on a $15 charger that abandons you when you need it most.
In the end it isn’t the rage that gets to you. It’s the hilarity of it all, how silly it is that your life is dictated by something so stupid.
The fifth floor decrees silence, so you make sure that your sobs don’t make a noise. You can’t control the tears but you can hold your breath. When your head starts to feel light and your lungs are desperate for air, you can breathe through your mouth and inhale as slow as you can to keep the shakiness to a minimum. You can do everything you can to hold it together, even when you’re falling apart.
Someone taps you on the shoulder. You lift your head, ready to face a tired librarian kicking you out but instead you see bleach blonde hair and a forced smile over a furrowed brow.
“What are you doing here?” You whisper, glad for the quiet because you don’t trust your voice to support you.
He holds up a thick, leatherbound book. LSAT for Dummies. “Extra reading couldn’t hurt, right?”
You blink at him. The only times you’ve seen Soonyoung in the library on his own has been with a thick blanket and closed eyes (it’s how you know he sleeps with his mouth open, just a little). You can’t quite believe he’s in front of you and yet he takes a step closer and doesn’t vanish.
“What are you doing here?” He asks.
“Shhh,” you say, holding your finger to your lips to get him to quiet down, even though there’s no one in sight. “Quiet floor.”
He nods, looking around as if he’s waiting for someone to kick him out. He turns to look at your desk, the contents of your backpack still strewn about. He tilts his head but doesn’t dare raise his voice to ask. You know he hasn’t missed the tears, still wet on your cheeks.
You done? He mouths.
Not even close, you think, but you nod anyways because it’s the easier answer. Soonyoung doesn’t hesitate, gently closing your laptop and sweeping everything into your backpack. You watch as he dumps it all into the biggest pocket, zipping it up and slinging it onto his back. He tucks the law book under his arm and holds out his other hand for you to take.
“Come on,” he whispers. And you take it, let him pull you out of your chair. The walk to the elevator; out of the library; toward the edge of campus; nothing feels far when Soonyoung doesn’t let go of your hand. You follow him in a daze, clinging to his hand in the off-chance that all your luck rides on him–like if you let go, you’ll lose your tether to this planet.
Soonyoung rarely walks in silence and today is not an exception. He rambles about the only member of the frat capable of cooking that apparently can’t do anything without creating a giant mess. Even as he complains about the guy, Soonyoung can’t help defending him, explaining in mouth-watering detail how good his food is.
“One time he crowd sourced some steaks and did a grill for the new pledges and they all thought it was a prank or something and nearly cried when he actually let them eat them. I think they burnt their mouths from eating it too fast, afraid someone was going to take it away from them.” Soonyoung stops at the edge of campus. He glances at you, a question in his eyes. Where are we going?
“Soonyoung,” you say. Squeezing his hand feels natural. “I don’t really want to go back right now.”
He nods, squeezing your hand back. “You want to go for a ride?”
“You have a car?”
“Nope.” Soonyoung fishes his phone out of his pocket and makes a call. You can only hear Soonyoung, who says, “I need a ride,” and “Pick me up by the duck statue,” and then he hangs up.
The edge of campus that Soonyoung drags you to is right next to the athletic fields, which explains why there is a giant statue of the mascot that towers over you. It has three of its own personal spotlights and shiny claws from fans rubbing them for good luck, despite there being no official tradition. You only went to one game, mostly to confirm you would rather be anywhere else (except maybe the bathroom of the stadium). Either way, the only thing you do know about the statue and mascot for your school is that it is not a duck.
“That’s a raven.” You point at the statue.
Soonyoung frowns between you and the hunk of metal. “Oh, Larry?”
“It has a name?”
“Well, there’s the official name, which is like, Midnight Rain or something, and the frat name.”
“And the frat name is Larry?”
Soonyoung shrugs. “I didn’t choose it.”
“And you call it a duck, too?”
“It looks like a duck.”
You study the statue. You aren’t an ornithologist, but you’re pretty sure ducks have webbed feet instead of talons, and different beaks. Plus you’ve never seen a pure black duck. But you’ve spent enough time with Soonyoung to know it doesn’t have to make sense when the frat is involved (in fact, you’ve found sense is rarely involved in their decisions).
“We just call it the duck. Or Larry, when we want to be formal.” Soonyoung jumps at the honk of a horn. You turn around with him to find an obnoxiously red convertible parked against the curb. The driver’s smooth black hair is styled to look effortless, hair falling just above his eyes, and he wears sunglasses despite the fact that the sun went down three hours ago. He might be attractive, if he wasn’t trying so hard. You never thought you had a type, but someone like Soonyoung, who wears clothes that he likes and sticks his hair straight up because he thinks it looks funny–that’s more your style.
“Here’s our ride,” Soonyoung says. He starts walking, pulling you with him, still holding your hand. You aren’t sure if he even realizes, but you’re in no hurry to remind him.
“Hey Josh,” he says.
Driver (Josh, apparently), finally pulls off his sunglasses. “Soonyoung, you have a friend.”
“I’m YN,” you say, wishing your voice didn’t sound so scratchy from crying.
“Oh, I know,” he says, a twinkle in his eye that flirts between danger and fun. “I’m Joshua.” You try not to feel unsettled by it. He raises an eyebrow as Soonyoung slides into the backseat and you sit beside him. “Am I just an Uber to you?”
“Seungcheol is out and I knew there was no way you would let me drive your car,” Soonyoung says.
“So, yes?”
Soonyoung shrugs and laughs at Joshua’s expression.
“Where are we headed?” He asks with a resigned sigh as if he’s used to Soonyoung’s antics. Has he done this before? You frown. Why does it matter to you if he’s done this with someone else? You’re so busy with the internal war, you miss Soonyoung’s answer.
“Seriously?” Joshua asks. “It’s a weeknight.”
“Like that’s ever been a problem for you.”
Joshua glances at you. “You’re okay with this?”
You pause. You don’t actually know where Soonyoung said to go. But it’s Soonyoung, your heart says. You're inclined to agree with it tonight. “Yeah.”
He shakes his head and mutters something you don’t catch and kicks the car into gear. Before long, you are flying down a two lane road you didn’t even know existed. The wind starts to pick up with the top of the car down, blasting your face. Though your nose is still stuffed from crying, the air fills your lungs, tasting like dead leaves and unnatural warmth courtesy of climate change. For the first time tonight, you can breathe.
.
.
The clock reads just shy of 1 am by the time the car stops. As soon as the rumbling engine cuts out, another noise takes over, drowning everything else out. Crashes too rhythmic to be thunder, the blows softened by tall dunes illuminated by the car’s headlights that Joshua didn’t turn off.
Soonyoung turns to you with a grin. “Ready to have some fun?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, jumping out of the car instead of opening the door, ignoring Joshua’s shout. He sprints toward the crashing waves.
Joshua shakes his head, opening his door and ushering you out from the back. He even closes the door behind you, folding his arms over his chest and walking slowly to the beach with you. The headlights cut out but the moon and stars shine enough to see where the boardwalk ends and the sand begins. Soonyoung’s movement gives him away more than any light, running alongside the water and dancing with the tide.
You clear your throat. The ride cleared your head enough for you to feel properly embarrassed about meeting someone right after sobbing. You shudder to imagine how terrible you looked when he first picked you up, clinging to Soonyoung like he was the only thing keeping you alive. A blush forms just at the thought of it.
“So, you do this often?” You ask.
“Do something truly insane because of Soonyoung? All the time.” Joshua laughs. “We don’t usually end up this far away though, and usually someone’s life is in imminent danger.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” you say, watching Soonyoung strip his socks and shoes off and toss them behind him. One sock gets caught in the wind and blows back toward you and Joshua.
Joshua stops before the two of you can catch up to him. You turn to look at him. It’s difficult to read his expression in the moonlight but he frowns like he’s not sure he should say something. Eventually he says, “I’m going for a walk down the boardwalk.” He glances at Soonyoung, then back at you and smiles. “Have fun with him.”
You watch him turn around and trudge back up the sand, wondering if all of Soonyoung’s friends are this strange. Maybe it’s just being in a frat. You grab Soonyoung’s sock and set it with his shoes, smiling when he turns around and waves like a maniac.
“It’s the ocean!” He shouts over the crashes.
“You’re soaked!” You shout back. He glances down and apparently finally realizes his shirt is wet, clinging to his shoulders already. He strides back toward you, grabbing your arm and pulling you closer.
“My shoes are not coming off!” You warn him.
“Just come closer!” He says. “It’s amazing!” You stand with him at the edge of the water, watching it rise in the darkness and draw closer and closer. It crashes on the sand first, a violent move, kicking up wet sand and mixing it with white water. The frothy white water creeps forward, until you have to dance backward. Soonyoung stays in the water, letting it wash around his feet.
“It feels better like this,” he says.
“My feet are covered in enough sand,” you say, though he does look like he’s having fun. The water must be freezing this time of the year–it would feel so nice running over your skin. But you’d end up with wet socks and even more sand in your shoes to clean out.
Soonyoung holds out his hand. “You’d like this.”
You chew on your lip. Normally you’d laugh in his face and say ‘not a chance.’ But normalcy has never been running three hours away to the beach in the middle of the night when you have class at 9 in the morning. You pull off the sneakers without untying them and pull your socks off, setting them next to Soonyoung’s and joining him at the edge of the water. His hand isn’t out by the time you return but he slips it into yours when you join his side.
Another wave crashes and you watch the water creep forward, faster than you expect it to be–and you’re right, it’s freezing, but Soonyoung’s right too, it sends an icy shock throughout your body that sends a tingly rush up from your toes to every nerve in your body, setting them on fire. You squeeze his hand and laugh.
“Good?” He asks.
“I love it.”
You don’t know how long you stand there, holding onto Soonyoung’s hand and letting the water wash over you. After a few waves, it doesn’t feel cold anymore. You stand until your feet are buried in wet sand, each wave sending you lower and lower.
“My feet are freezing,” Soonyoung eventually says.
“Mine, too.” You lift your feet reluctantly, already missing the coarse sand and cold water. You have to let go of Soonyoung’s hand to put on your socks and shoes, shuddering at all the sand in your socks. The cotton became damp from sitting too close to the water, your shoes faring the same. Yet you don’t regret a second of it.
You stand up and stretch, feeling your spine pop. When you turn back around, you almost scream. You manage to contain it to a gasp, a wheezing Soonyoung’s name. He blinks at you innocently, like he isn’t standing in front of you with his shirt in his hand.
“What are you doing?” You choke out.
“We’re at the beach,” he says. “I have to take pictures.”
“And you need to take off your shirt for that?”
“Why? Does it bother you?” He smirks.
Muscles have never been a selling point for you. The “people” you’ve crushed on have all been smart or kind, crushes of intellect rather than bodies. His toned abs, sculpted shoulders, the way his body curves gently as he allows you to stare at him–normally it wouldn’t get to you at all (other than the embarrassment of being this close to a shirtless man for the first time in a long time). But it’s not just the muscles. It’s Soonyoung, your Soonyoung who calls you at four in the morning to tell you about the movie he just finished and is too endearing for you to truly be annoyed at. It’s the Soonyoung that gets lost in the Engineering building even as a senior. It’s the Soonyoung that drags you to the beach in the middle of the night just to make you smile. Yes, it bothers you. No one should be this incredible and hot.
“No,” you mumble, failing to convince yourself of the lie.
Soonyoung seems to be done teasing you, dropping his shirt into your hands. He walks a little closer to the waves, apparently not bothered by the chilly ocean breeze. He starts to pose, then raises his eyebrows. “Aren’t you going to take pictures?”
“Where’s your phone?”
“The camera’s broken,” he says. “Just use yours and you can send them to me.” He continues to pose, flexing his arms as subtly as he can which isn’t particularly subtle (though the muscles are even more impressive in person). You are tempted to reach out and feel the tension, before you realize you are staring again.
You numb to Soonyoung in this half-dressed state as you take the pictures. The frat must have a professional photographer or something, because Soonyoung knows how to pose. Despite some of the angles and positions seeming awkward, each picture comes out as if from a photoshoot. He only gives you a few instructions on taking pictures, and compliments you way beyond your talents.
“Just like that!” Soonyoung says, breaking his model face to grin at you. “You’re really good at this.”
“You can’t even see the pictures,” you say. You bite your lips so you don’t smile. Apparently that doesn’t matter, because he keeps posing. It’s a good thing you just upgraded your phone storage because you estimate at least a thousand pictures are taken for each pose.
“Are you guys done?” You jump at the voice next to you. Apparently Joshua returned from his walk, sneaking up using the crashing waves as cover. “We should head back soon if you want to make your morning classes.”
“Definitely want to,” you say. You haven’t gotten any work done, but that’s no excuse to skip class. Soonyoung pouts but doesn’t argue.
“Perfect!” Joshua claps his hands together. He shoves you toward Soonyoung and grabs your phone. “One more picture together and we’ll go.”
Being at a distance worked perfectly fine but those muscles have you frozen in place again. Soonyoung throws an arm over your shoulders and grins like you do this all the time. His biceps press through your jacket, the flex of the muscle exactly as you imagined it, not that it stops your heart from thundering.
You can’t help but steal a glance at Soonyoung. Despite feeling like you’ll malfunction at any second, there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. Soonyoung’s features look soft this close, even the sharp cut of his jawline. You want to study every line of his face, each curve, memorize it until the way his lips slowly curl into a smile is carved into your heart. Spending the rest of your life here doesn’t seem too bad.
“Let’s go,” Joshua says, breaking whatever magic froze time for you. You are left with cold toes and sand in your sneakers as you march up the dune and back to Joshua’s car.
“I just cleaned it,” he groans, looking at all the sand you and Soonyoung tracked in.
You mumble an apology but when you try to offer to clean it for him, he shakes his head. “Nobody touches my baby.”
You glance at Soonyoung, who followed you into the backseat again. He rolls his eyes at Joshua, smiling in a way that you know means he isn’t serious. You smile back at him and click your seatbelt into place.
“Address?” Joshua asks, handing you his phone. You punch it in and hand the phone back. 3 hours and sixteen minutes.
Joshua whistles, seeing the arrival time of 4:53. “Remind me never to do this again.”
“The beach was your idea,” Soonyoung says. His words slur a little.
“Just go to sleep already,” Joshua says. The engine rumbles on and he pulls away from the empty boardwalk.
“‘m not even tired,” Soonyoung says, fighting a yawn. He slouches and leans against the headrest, rolling his head to look at you. “You have class in the morning?”
“Not until nine.”
“That’s good.” He doesn’t succeed in fighting the yawn this time. His blinks become longer and longer, eyes closing more than opening. It’s like watching the energizer bunny shut down.
“Soonyoung?”
He opens his eyes and you think maybe he’d wait for the rest of his life for you to say something.
“Thank you.”
“Always.” He smiles lazily. “I swore I’d do anything.”
His sworn loyalty. It should be fun, having a boy like him dedicated to fulfilling your wishes. But what would it be like if he wasn’t sworn to you? If he did these kinds of things just because he wants to?
You didn’t think you were tired but the next thing you know, Soonyoung gently shakes you awake.
“We’re here,” he says in a quiet, very un-Soonyoung voice.
You blink at him, trying to figure out why your neck hurts so much, frowning at the unfamiliar surroundings. From the rear view mirror, Joshua watches you. Right, instead of writing your essay, doing the problem sets, or any of the readings, you went to the beach. You wait for the guilt to set in but it doesn’t come. None of the anxieties from earlier in the evening (the technical part of your brain reminds you it was the night before) overwhelm you.
“Right,” you say, clearing your throat. Your mouth tastes nasty but before you can say anything, Soonyoung hands you a water bottle. You take a sip before saying thank you.
Soonyoung unbuckles his seatbelt. “I’ll walk you up.”
You nod, grateful you don’t have to ask him. The night has been a full adventure on its own yet you aren’t quite ready for it to be over. At least you aren’t ready to say goodbye to Soonyoung.
There’s still something you want to tell him. You want to tell him that you like his blonde hair, even though everyone else thinks it’s ridiculous. You want to tell him that you lied earlier, you nearly lost your mind seeing him shirtless. You want to tell him that you feel proud when he gets the right answer on the first try, that you think his concentration frown is cute, that you’ve never enjoyed studying like you do when he’s by your side. You want to tell him that on your worst days, days like today, just being Soonyoung makes it better.
But you learned a long time ago tired ramblings and drunk confessions are siblings. They both end in heartbreak and twelve packs of ramen.
So you ride the elevator with him and watch the lights flicker. You never cared when Jihoon brought his friends (well, Jun) over, but the carpets that look dirty no matter how many times they’re cleaned and beige walls are even worse tonight. You can stand to live in a boring apartment, but not a dirty one.
“This is me,” you say, gesturing to 808. You turn your back on the door, facing Soonyoung instead. He looks radiant under the fluorescent hallway lights, which really isn’t fair. They make his bleach blonde hair look natural, highlight the blemishes on his skin, easy to see when he’s this close.
You should go inside and he should go back down but neither of you move. For the second time tonight, you are frozen in time with Soonyoung.
The floor creaks and you jump, turning around at the same time, accidentally knocking into Soonyoung’s chest as you turn to face the noise behind you. Jihoon, gym bag over his shoulder, frowns at you across the hallway.
“Are you seriously just getting back now?”
Shit. You never texted him. “Um, Jihoon, this is Soonyoung,” you say. He waves behind you. “Soonyoung, Jihoon.”
Jihoon folds his arms. “I’ve heard about you.” You glare at him, which he ignores. “You’re taking the LSAT on a dare?”
“You’re the one that wants to be a music producer?”
Jihoon raises his eyebrows and looks at you. “You’ve mentioned me?”
“Only the worst,” you say, smiling at him.
“I thought you were at the library all night?” Jihoon says.
“We went on an adventure,” you say. You show him your sandy shoes. He raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything. It’s clear he knows he interrupted something, but the stubborn asshole doesn’t move.
You turn back to Soonyoung. “Goodnight,” you say, resisting the urge to hug him.
“It’s morning,” Jihoon says.
“Goodnight,” Soonyoung says, glancing at Jihoon. He pauses and fidgets with the hem of his shirt but finally gives you a half hug that feels more like a bro hug than anything else. He disappears into the elevator then pops his head out a final time “Send me the photos!”
You turn to Jihoon. “I forgot to text you.”
“I figured I’d wait until the morning to call,” he said. “Even if you were kidnapped there’s still a 90% chance you’d figure out a way to show up for class on time.” He turns the key in the lock and strides into the apartment. You’re too tired to argue back, especially when he’s right, so you just follow him into the apartment.
“I like him,” Jihoon says before you vanish into your room.
“Should I find you a wedding dress?” You say. “Soonyoung is single.”
Jihoon rolls his eyes and grabs a protein shake from the fridge. “Why do I even bother?”
You don’t wait for him to leave first, peeling your shoes off in the entryway where you can sweep up the sand and practically fall into your room. It’s race to change into an old t-shirt before you collapse onto your bed.
You set an alarm for 8:30 and check fifty times to make sure it’s actually set. Then you open your camera roll, shaking your head at the countless pictures. You choose twenty non-blurry ones before your eyes start to droop. You scroll to the bottom and click on the pictures Joshua took. Soonyoung grins for the camera, his easy smile as captivating on your phone as it is in person. You are staring at him, a soft smile on your lips and hearts practically bugging out of your eyes. It’s so ridiculously obvious how you feel. You send him his thirst traps and keep that picture for yourself.
It takes a week for you to realize Soonyoung never posted the pictures.
.
.
The weight of the world has the decency to wait until you’re home to fall on your shoulders. You hold your keys up and can’t push it into the lock. If you didn’t do well today, it means the past two months have been a complete waste–all the studying, the assignments you got low grades on because you were studying, the nights you spent at your desk–wasted and doomed to repeat.
All but the time you spent with Soonyoung. Even if you fail (again), he should at least score decently, and you can’t consider that a complete waste.
You raise your key to insert it into the lock but the door flies open. Jihoon glares at you, arms folded over his chest. “What the hell is taking you so long, your boyfriend is here.”
You peer past him and find Soonyoung lounging on the couch, feet resting on the coffee table. He sits up when he sees you, grinning and waving. You wonder if he’s been there since you told him you were finished. You make a mental note to get Jihoon his favorite protein shakes.
“How did you know I was here?”
“Me and your boyfriend heard you shaking your keys in front of the door for like twenty minutes,” Jihoon says.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” you mutter, praying Soonyoung didn’t hear either of you. You push past Jihoon, letting him lock the door behind you. Soonyoung jumps off the couch as soon as you drop your bag, almost tackling you in a hug. You pretend not to hear Jihoon’s scoff as he locks himself in his room again.
“How’d it go?” He asks, squeezing you one more time before letting go. You try not to feel disappointed about it. “I mean, I know you did amazing, but how do you feel? Was the room super hot or super cold? Did the proctor give you the evil eye when you turned in your paper because they were secretly trying to sabotage you?”
“No?” You frown. “And the room was fine, I felt pretty good about it, but I felt good last time, so I don’t really know, I just really don’t want to take it again.” You sigh. “I know you want to know as many details as possible for your test, but I really, really don’t want to think about it right now.”
Soonyoung grins and pulls out a package of White Claws and a bottle of vodka from a plastic bag that you just noticed sitting on your coffee table. “That’s perfect because I brought a gift from the whole frat.”
“That seems pretty on brand,” you say.
“And a gift from me.” He digs again and pulls out a DVD. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
“You’re kidding.” You say. “I think I have to be drunk to watch that.”
“You don’t have faith in my taste in movies?” Soonyoung asks but he pops open the first drink and slips something shaped concerningly like a knife out of his pocket and stabs the can, chugging it before it can really spill on your carpet. Before you can register what he did, he tosses the empty can on the coffee table, immediately scrambling to straighten it. “Sorry, force of habit.”
“Soonyoung, I don’t think I can keep up with you,” you say, sitting slowly onto the couch.
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m a lightweight,” he says. “I definitely should not have chugged that.”
“I guess I better catch up,” you say, unscrewing the vodka and pouring a shot in the little paper cups that Soonyoung brought. The acrid scent curls your lip but you knock it back as fast as you can, forcing it down when you miss the back of your throat and it burns your tongue. Soonyoung hands you a can, the lime flavored seltzer pushing the nasty flavor out of your mouth.
“Yeah, I’m terrible at that,” you say.
Soonyoung shrugs. “I’m not one to judge. You should have seen me as a pledge.”
You grin at the mental image of Soonyoung wearing a fake toga made of bedsheets. “I bet you were adorable.” You take another sip of the drink (which tastes significantly worse when you aren’t comparing it to straight vodka) and miss Soonyoung scrambling for words.
“I can’t drink this,” you declare, setting the can down. You cross the room to the fridge, opening it and studying the contents. Soonyoung follows you, resting his chin on the door and glancing inside.
“Jihoon does most of the cooking,” you say, feeling self-conscious. Not much populates your fridge, a package of chicken breast and a carton of eggs. A couple containers of take out that are either two days or two weeks old sit in front, and the drawer of fruit that is filled with apples from Jihoon’s mother definitely smells funny.
“I live in a frat house, this is heaven.”
You flash him a smile and grab the orange juice, shaking it as you grab a glass from the cabinet (thank god Jihoon did the dishes last night). Soonyoung follows you back to the couch and waits for you to pour a glass and add two shots of vodka. You raise the glass and he takes your rejected White Claw and clinks it.
“Cheers,” he says, sipping this one instead of chugging it. He sets it down and leans against the armrest so that he can face you. “How did you meet Jihoon, by the way? He seems like a pretty reserved dude.”
“Yeah, sorry if he was short with you, he isn’t half as mean as he pretends to be,” you say.
“We actually talked a lot.” He pauses, tilting his head as he thinks about it. “Well, a lot about working out. I think I could turn him into my gym buddy with enough pressure.”
“I would pay to see that,” you say. Jihoon tried to bring you to the gym exactly once, and you have regretted it ever since. The soreness haunts you, but you think Soonyoung might be one of the few people on the planet that could keep up with him with those arms.
“I didn’t know you were into that,” Soonyoung says with a giggle. You roll your eyes.
“You know for a fact that’s not what I meant,” you say, “and to answer your question, we lived in the same dorm freshman year. He was next door, and both our roommates were psychotic, so we ended up trading. We’ve been living together ever since because I’m the only one that can put up with his annoying ass. Also he cooks and keeps me alive during finals.”
“I can’t believe I was a dorm assignment away from living with you.” Soonyoung shakes his head and pretends to sigh. “Fate isn’t on my side.”
“Don’t you live in a frat house?”
“Semantics,” Soonyoung says. He pauses. “Semen-tics.” He starts to laugh and though the joke is far from funny, you find yourself giggling too.
“You’re drunk,” you say.
Soonyoung points at you. “I’m pretty sure you’re drunk too.”
You tilt your head from side to side, trying to think at first but the motion feels nice, toeing the line between dizzying and comfortable. Right, you were checking if you were drunk. You have your answer, but you don’t want to stop spinning just yet.
“Do you really want to be a lawyer?” Soonyoung asks. You freeze with your head on your right shoulder, frowning at him. “I mean, like, how do you know?”
“It makes good money,” you say. “Well, corporate law does. Everything going according to plan, I’ll be out of debt before I’m thirty, retiring at 65.”
“But how do you know that’s what you want?” Soonyoung asks. You wonder if he’s asking you or himself. You think about the first day you met him.
It was the first day of your sophomore year, 8 in the morning in the worst classroom in the Armhayer Building at the end of a dead end hallway with no windows. The business program had a required career building course and some cruel administrator decided to make the other available class clash with the other required business class for the year, so half the class was people you were stuck with for the full year. Despite its reputation, the business school at the university seemed to only accept idiots.
You settled for a long semester of biting back your eye rolls and yawning through class, choosing a seat in the front so that at least you won’t have to look at anyone else. And for fifteen minutes, you struggled to keep your eyes open.
Then Soonyoung walked in.
He was out of breath, telling the professor that he got lost several times and someone gave him the wrong directions. You didn’t really pay attention to him until he dropped into the seat next to you. Fully prepared to give him a side eye and judge him for the rest of the semester, Soonyoung flashed a smile at you and apologized for disrupting you. He was so obviously not your type, yet when his head dropped on your shoulder, you didn’t wake him up. Two classes later when the professor told the class that you would be in a semester-long partner project, you didn’t hesitate to say yes when Soonyoung asked you.
Soonyoung hadn’t ever taken the class seriously, going through the motions and doing the bare minimum for most of the assignments. You never paid any attention to it, but you realize that he never actually told you what he planned to do with his life, always asking you what you planned to do with your copious amounts of money. Now you wonder if it was because he really doesn’t know.
“I want stability,” you finally say. “This plan is stable. Safe, as long as everything goes according to plan. I guess it’s not as cool as dreaming about being an astronaut or whatever, but it’s what I want.”
“I think it’s cool. Knowing what you want to do.” Soonyoung says with little enthusiasm.
“You don’t have any idea?”
He shrugs. “I have to be smart to do the things I want to do.”
“You are smart.”
“You don’t have to pander to me, I’m not looking for your pity.”
“Soonyoung.” You wait for him to look you in the eyes. “You are smart. This isn’t pity. Sure it takes you a little longer to read things, and you have to work a little harder to answer some questions, but that doesn’t mean you’re not smart. You’re just as capable as me, more capable when it comes to emotional intelligence. Have you ever noticed that wherever you go, someone is always waving to you? I don’t think there’s a single person in this world that doesn’t like you. Don’t downplay how important that is.”
He chews on his lip and you know he doesn’t believe you. How many people have told him he’s dumb? You want to drag every single one of them here and make them apologize, make them realize how special the boy in front of you is. Eventually he shrugs. “I’ll just end up being an intern, and then I’ll be so charming they’ll promote me without realizing I don’t know what I’m doing and I’ll become a CEO that pays people to do the job for me.”
You smile and shake your head. “We can vacation together in the Bahamas.”
“Please, that’s where the semi-rich people go,” Soonyoung says, lifting his head from the back of the couch. “We’ll have our own islands and sail past each other.” This time when he smiles, the sparkle glints, just a little. His bleach blonde hair sticks in strange angles from rubbing against the couch, looking a little like a fuzzball. You reach a hand out and pat it down, except the hair is fried from being bleached so many times and almost breaks under your hand.
When you pull your hand down, Soonyoung is staring at you. Except staring isn’t the right word. He looks at you like no one else ever has, a thousand unsaid words behind his eyes, a language like no other that maybe only you can understand. Those dark eyes, so soft and warm, begging you to drown in them. He’s a siren, luring you in with a song of desire that only you can hear.
You don’t realize you’ve leaning closer until you fall forward, catching yourself on his chest. Soonyoung’s hand flies to your waist, moving so fast it must have been reflex.
“Sorry,” you mutter but you don’t get off him. Resisting his eyes from this close is impossible. Soonyoung blinks at you, frozen. It occurs to you that you’re almost kissing him. All you have to do is lean forward, press your lips against his. Would his lips be chapped? Would he kiss you back? Would he make fun of you for being a terrible kisser? You hold your breath, wondering if you are about to find out.
You jump at the bang of a door slamming shut. You push off Soonyoung’s chest, back to your side of the couch until your back slams against the armrest. The pain is almost enough to sober you up and you realize exactly what you were about to do. You can’t bear to look at Soonyoung staring at you so you look at Jihoon instead, who doesn’t seem to realize that he interrupted anything by walking into the kitchen, headphones blasting music so loud that you can hear it. He grabs one of the takeout containers from the fridge and finally notices you and Soonyoung staring at him.
“What?” He shouts over his headphones. You shake your head and he stares at you all the way back to his room, slamming the door shut behind him with enough force to make you jump again.
“We should probably start the movie,” you say, turning to face forward, anywhere but Soonyoung. “I’ll get my laptop.” He doesn’t say anything but you can feel Soonyoung’s eyes on you as you jump up. Ignoring the spinning in your head, you walk to your room. You lean against the door as soon as it shuts behind you, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath.
You wish you could blame the idiocy on the alcohol, but you aren’t drunk enough for that. Besides, regardless of the reason, it was a mistake, it would be a mistake, to kiss Soonyoung. No matter how badly you want to do it.
Your computer sits on your desk. The longer it takes for you to get back, the stranger it will be, so you grab it and return to the couch. Dizziness gives you an excuse to peer at the floor, perfectly valid reason to avoid Soonyoung’s eyes.
“Are you ready to have your mind blown?” He asks when you insert the DVD into your laptop.
You raise your eyebrows but still don’t have the courage to face him. “It’s that good?”
Soonyoung laughs easily, as if nothing happened. “You have no idea what you’re in for.”
You peek at him from the corner of your eye. He faces the computer, sitting back against the couch. Other than his red tinted cheeks, you can’t tell he’s drunk at all. You have no idea what you’re in for, he said. He has no idea how right he is.
.
.
You hold Soonyoung by the shoulders, staring him down. Your eyes begin to water but you hold them open, determined not to lose. Soonyoung squints, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. You just have to hold out a little longer, but your eyes begin to ache and the air pierces into them.
“Damn!” Soonyoung cries, throwing himself back onto the couch and squeezing his eyes shut. You let go of his shoulders and resist the urge to rub your eyes, settling for blinking as fast as humanly possible. Your eyes burn but you smile anyways, wiping tears away with the back of your hand.
“How are you so good at that?” Soonyoung asks. He gives into the impulse, hands pressed against his eyes.
“I’m really not, I think you’re just bad at staring contests,” you say. “Now hurry up, you lost so you have to answer.”
He sighs as if he didn’t beg you to help him study. With only a day before his test, you’re not sure how much this is really helping, but at least he isn’t partying with the rest of his frat (who do a pre-finals bar crawl, apparently). Instead, Soonyoung is on your couch, again. You try not to think about the last time he was here. Not productive thoughts, especially not when Soonyoung is one day away from taking the most important test of his life.
“Is it B?”
“Are you asking or telling?”
“I hate when you say that.” He peers at the paper, eyes moving slowly as he rereads the line. “No, it’s C! Wait, no, B. No, A!”
“Pick an answer.”
He chews on his lip. You have to force yourself to keep your focus on his eyes. “B,” he finally says.
You’re tempted to drag it out and make him wait but he puts on the Soonyoung Sparkle so you go ahead and nod.
“I knew it! Trust your gut!”
“You’re quoting me now.” You pretend to wipe tears from the corner of your eyes. “You’ve grown up so quickly.”
If it were Jihoon, he’d roll his eyes but Soonyoung perks up, as if you’ve given him a real compliment. He pauses before asking his next question, eyes flickering to the papers separating you from him.
“You really think I’ll do well?” He asks softly.
You study him, the way his unnaturally blonde hair has been strategically gelled to stick up in all the right places, the way his plain white t-shirt hangs loose on his shoulders. You wonder what he sees when he looks in the mirror because the way he sits now, waiting for an answer as if you’d actually say no, breaks your heart a little. He really has no idea how brilliant he is, in every sense of the word. You don’t know how to make him see it so you just take his hand and wait for him to look you in the eyes.
The second the glittering dark irises meet yours, you see the desperation. He tries to smile, to hide the fear but Soonyoung has always been easy to read. You fight the urge to brush your fingers against his cheek.
“Soonyoung.” You squeeze his hand. What you feel isn’t a passing crush, you’ve known that for a while now. Admitting it doesn’t give you the bravery to do anything except pull the shield of cowardice around your heart a little tighter. “I’d be an idiot if I said I didn’t.”
He holds your gaze a little longer, until it almost looks like he believes you. Then his eyes light up. “I have a surprise for you!”
He digs into his backpack, pulling out a blanket (not the one he used when it was still warm enough to sit outside in the grass), a plastic water bottle half-full of bright green liquid, three crumpled flyers for events on campus, and finally, a small rectangular item, carefully wrapped in paper towels.
“I was a little worried it would get damaged in my backpack,” he says. “I really, really tried to walk gently and didn’t bring it near any coffee.”
You choose not to point out the unnatural liquid in the plastic water bottle, instead appreciating his efforts to protect whatever your surprise is. Besides, it’s not like he didn’t try. He carefully pulls the paper towels off, revealing a navy blue leather bound book with gilded lettering. Not just any book.
“You got it back?” You cry. Soonyoung pulls the rest of the paper towels off to reveal the intricate design on the cover, the golden pages, with Pride and Prejudice inscribed on the spine. “My baby!”
You hover over the book, not wanting to ruin it with the dirt and oils from your hands but so desperately wanting to caress the beautiful book. It’s just as you remember it, down to the tiny dent on the front cover where you accidentally knocked it against a railing. You can’t wait to put it back on your bookshelf where there has been an empty space ever since Jun managed to snag it. You remember Soonyoung is there when you hear his laughter.
“You like it that much?”
“Of course,” you say. “It’s my baby.”
“It’s a book.” But he smiles and you know he’s just teasing. So you figure, why not?
You throw your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. His frat-bro instincts must take charge because he doesn’t hesitate to hug you back, pulling you against his chest and squeezing you like he’s the one getting a gift.
“Thank you,” you say. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
“This is my thank you,” he says. You can feel his voice rumbling in his chest, a strange sensation that sends butterflies tumbling around between your stomach and your heart. “It’s the least I could do for you.
The awkward position isn’t exactly comfortable, twisting your body to face him with your shoulder overtop of his forcing your face into his neck but you don’t want to let go. You give yourself five more thundering heartbeats before you let go, turning to study your book again so you have an excuse to avoid his eyes.
“How did you get it back?”
“Same way you lost it,” Soonyoung says. “I made a bet.”
“On what?”
Soonyoung shrugs, turning to look at the book that still sits in his lip. He gently places it into yours, using the paper towels to prevent smudging with his fingers.
You frown. “How? Jun is in another hemisphere.”
“Don’t underestimate the power of video calls and express shipping,” Soonyoung says. “By the way, I’m wearing your friends down. Pretty soon they’ll like me more than they like you.
“Oh really?” You raise your eyebrow. You ignore the vole gnawing at your gut whispering that he might just be right.
“I got Jihoon to go to the gym with me and I got him to admit I was friends with you before he was,” he says, holding a finger out. “Jun says that he wants to meet me the second he returns to the country.” A second finger goes up. “Who else can I add to the list?”
He’s only joking. He doesn’t mean it the way it sounds, but your skin wants to crawl inside out. The truth is, they are pretty much your only friends. Jihoon, Jun, and Soonyoung, the latter two having wormed their way into your life. My only friends.
“You’ve got to start going on the offensive,” Soonyoung says. He avoids your eyes and you know he didn’t miss your discomfort. Great, now he pities you. “I’m serious, Seokmin and Joshua have been asking about you, and Seungcheol keeps complaining that he hasn’t met you yet.”
You snort. “They’re frat bros, they just want more people to party with.”
“I’m a frat bro,” he says.
“Yeah, but…” But what? He’s Soonyoung? Once again, you wonder why he is so different to you–why the epitome of frat boy chaos doesn’t repulse you like he should. But he isn’t some one-dimensional steroid-infused party boy, not the type to bully the freshman trying to join just because he can. He gets drunk after two shots and makes his pledges follow him for 24 hours a day as “hazing,” only to take them for a dinner he can’t afford and skips his own classes so they don’t miss theirs.
He’s not a typical frat boy. But Soonyoung loves his frat, and you can’t find a way to tell him this without making it sound like you are looking down on the rest of the members.
So you just say, “Isn’t this supposed to be a study session?”
Soonyoung sighs, pulling the book in front of him and staring at the words. Even though you can see that he isn’t reading, he doesn’t say anything else.
“Your test is tomorrow,” you say.
“Yeah, I know.” He doesn’t pick up the pencil.
You’ve never struggled to read Soonyoung. He can’t hide when he’s upset, shoulders slumping, a little pout forming over his lips. He doesn’t fully frown but his eyebrows comes together, just a bit. And it’s usually easy to figure out what’s wrong–he’s tired, or wants to be at a party instead of studying. But now? He was fine just a moment ago, even while he was cramming earlier.
“Is something wrong?” You don’t know why you’re so scared of the answer.
“I just thought that… nNever mind.” He sighs again. “You’re right, this is a study session. I should be studying.” He doesn’t look at you and you can’t help but feel like you messed up. But Soonyoung eventually picks up his pencil and asks you to check his answers and the feeling slowly fades.
Will the rest of your feelings fade when you aren’t with him like this anymore? When he takes his test and has no reason to see you every day? Will your heart still beat at the mention of his name? Will you spend the rest of your life thinking about all the almosts with him? Or will it fade until Soonyoung is just a boy that you helped because of a silly bet?
Even as you consider it, you know the answer. He isn’t just a boy, and he never will be. Maybe that’s what really scares you.
.
.
You glare at Soonyoung. “Do you know what time it is?”
Jihoon glances at his watch. “7:43.”
Soonyoung grins beside him, arm over his shoulder. Both boys stand in your bedroom doorway looking far too composed for this ungodly hour.
“It’s a Saturday.” Just two minutes ago you were in blissful sleep. Okay, maybe not blissful, since you stayed up until three in the morning because you couldn’t fall asleep, and you were having a weird dream where you were looking for something and ended up by the stadium staring at a giant duck statue instead of the raven. But the point is you were asleep until two fists banged on your door so loud you thought it was going to fall apart.
You can’t even be that mad at Soonyoung, not when he smiles like that. So you glare at Jihoon.
“Honestly, I figured you would be up,” he says. “You were the one that said you didn’t think you were going to get any sleep.”
“I’m sorry,” Soonyoung says. “I really just wanted to help distract you for the last hour.” Right. The last hour until your entire future would be determined by a triple digit number. No biggie.
“Let me get dressed,” you say. They step back before you have the chance to slam the door in their face. You’d like to be able to dress up nicely, but you’re already shivering, so you grab your comfiest sweatpants and the sweatshirt Soonyoung lent you (that still smells like his cologne). You dart into the bathroom and meet the two boys in the doorway of the apartment, pulling on your sneakers.
You pull the hood over your messy hair and tighten the strings. Soonyoung grins at you and taps your nose.
“Ready to go?”
“How did you get out of bed this early?”
“Oh, I never got in,” he says. “Long story, but we gotta go, they won’t wait much longer.”
“They?” You ask but Soonyoung doesn’t hear you. He turns to Jihoon, waving.
“See you tomorrow!” He says, throwing an arm over your shoulders to pull you out the door. “I’ll let you know how it goes!”
Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” But he looks at you and smiles. “It’ll be fine.” Before you can thank him, he shuts the door.
Soonyoung doesn’t let go of your side, pulling you to the elevators and squeezing you against him. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I should be asleep.”
Soonyoung smiles, as if your grumpiness is funny. You decide it’s moot since there’s no way you could fall asleep now that you are an hour and seven minutes away from finding out the results of your future.
“I figured I’d save you from wallowing in worry,” Soonyoung says. “We can do fun things while we wait. I planned out the whole morning, we have options! There’s going to the gym, or for a job around campus, breaking into the science lab and petting the rabbits, going to Barb’s for breakfast–”
“Breakfast,” you say. You aren’t a huge fan of getting in trouble with the college when you have just over a semester before graduation and though you aren’t sure if your stomach will accept food, working out is a guarantee for throwing up. Besides, a hot cup of coffee could clear a little of the fog in your brain.
“Barb’s it is,” Soonyoung says, practically bouncing on his toes. He really seems to only have two settings, and today he’s at 120%.
He lets go of your side when the elevator opens and you step to the ground floor of your apartment. You rub your arms and pretend like the chill is from the weather even though the lobby is still warm. He holds the door for you pretending to be a doorman, bowing and gesturing with his arm for you to pass. You turn so that he doesn’t see that the silly gesture made you smile.
Parked outside is a white jeep that looks larger than normal, and is apparently the asshole that’s been blasting their music for the past ten minutes. You aren’t surprised in the slightest when Soonyoung strides up to the car.
“I don’t have a car,” he says, belatedly apologetic. The two men in the front seat don’t seem to mind, though you suspect they have been up all night along with Soonyoung as soon as the door opens and you hear their voices singing off-tune over the blasting music.
“Boy, you got my heartbeat runnin' away,” The driver cries, using a water bottle as a mic. You recognize Seungcheol from Soonyoung’s descriptions, half from his voice and half from the back of his head. The person riding shotgun is also familiar, a mess of dark hair that must be Joshua. He doesn’t look much different in daylight, sunglasses resting on his forehead. Thankfully they turn the music down a little and stop singing when you get it.
Seungcheol grins at you through the mirror. “So I finally get to meet the infamous YN. You know, you still haven’t shown up to any parties.”
“I’ve been busy,” you say, glancing at Soonyoung who focuses a little too much on his seatbelt.
“Hi, YN,” the passenger up front says, waving at you through the rearview mirror.
“Joshua,” you say. “Get into life and death scenarios with Soonyoung recently?”
“Well, Soonyoung jumped out of a car window.” He pauses. “It wasn’t moving,” he adds when Seungcheol jerks his head towards him. “Though I wouldn’t put it past him.”
“I have done it before,” Soonyoung says solemnly. It takes him a moment to realize everyone is staring at him. “It was a dare.”
“Why am I not surprised,” Seungcheol grumbles, turning back around and putting the car into drive. Though you were thinking something along the same lines, the way Soonyoung deflates a little makes you wish Seungcheol hadn’t said anything.
The rest of the drive is quiet–at least in terms of conversation. Seungcheol cranks his stereo up to the loudest setting and blasts the Spice Girls until Joshua starts singing along. Apparently car karaoke for “Wannabe” is sacrilegious to the frat leader.
You can hear yourself think again when the car pulls into the parking lot and he finally cuts the engine. A few cars line the parking lot of the 24 hour diner that sits on the outskirts of campus. The giant neon red Barb’s that hangs over the entrance flickers in the cloudy morning light teeters the line between quaint and electrical fire waiting to happen.
The workers, a host and three waitresses, wave at the boys, and do a double take at you. You swear you hear the host whisper “Is that really them?” to Joshua as he leads the group to a table in the corner but Soonyoung distracts you with the menu.
“I had this thing memorized since freshman year, I can’t believe you’ve never been here. The pancakes are my favorite for hangover cures, not that I’m hungover by the way, I’m actually running on my third energy drink.” He taps the picture, a golden stack of perfectly fluffy pancakes that can only be photoshop.
“Aren’t energy drinks bad for your heart?”
Soonyoung shrugs. “Joshua invented this to get through finals, you mix Red Bull, Bang, and Coke and it keeps you up for three days straight. Great for when you’re nervous because you physically have to do something about it.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works,” you say. “Wait, why are you nervous?”
“Your test results come out today,” he says too quickly.
You consider debating with him but a waitress approaches, wearing a fifties frock and a high ponytail with a ribbon that probably looked like a bow at the start of her shift but has drooped down and now just looks sad. Her face is a mask of emotions, not a smile, not a frown, just emptiness, a contrast to the button clipped to her collar making her “Happy.”
“The usual?” She asks, pausing at you. She tilts her head and you can see the mask twisting at the edges, a frown almost forming on her brow. She glances at Soonyoung. “Is this who I think it is?”
“Who do you think it is?” Soonyoung asks at the same time that Joshua and Seungcheol say, “Yes.”
The corner of Happy’s lips turn into a tiny smile that seems to be her equivalent of a grin. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Okay, haha, very funny,” Soonyoung says. “Stop harassing my friend. We’ll order when we have a chance to look at the menu.”
Happy raises her eyebrow just slightly at the word “friend,” but closes her notepad. She returns to a pastel pink bar where you can clearly see her whispering and gesturing to you.
“Why do so many people know me?” You mutter, shrinking into the corner of the booth.
“The thing about Drunk Soonyoung is that he doesn’t really shut up,” Seungcheol says.
“That’s being gentle,” Joshua says. “One time he spent four hours describing Finding Nemo. That’s longer than the actual movie.”
“It’s a good movie,” Soonyoung says.
“The point is,” Seungcheol says, glaring at Joshua, “he tends to talk when he’s drunk. Usually about good things, things that he… Well, things that he likes.”
You turn your head to look at Soonyoung, who is once again pretending to study the menu. “You like studying for the LSAT that much?”
Joshua unsuccessfully tries to hide his laugh with a snort while Seungcheol gains slightly more success with a fake cough. Soonyoung doesn’t react at all, staring at the painted flowers on the menu. Eventually, he shrugs. “I’m dedicated to the bet.” He points at a stack of pancakes covered in bananas and chocolate. “That’s what I usually get.”
“Isn’t against all rules of gym core and muscle building to eat decadent things?”
“Did you just call working out ‘gym core?’” Seungcheol asks.
“Am I wrong?”
“Nope!” Soonyoung says brightly. “And cheat days are a thing, so do you want to split it or not?”
“You know I can’t say no to bananas and chocolate.”
“And pancakes!” He waves down the waitress and points to the stack.
“Ah, the new Soonyoung,” she says. “You guys getting your actual usual?”
Joshua and Seungcheol nod and she doesn’t bother to write any of it down. Then again she already knows their orders. Except she called Soonyoung’s “new.” Before you can ask what she meant, a shout makes you jump. You turn around to see a stream of boys entering, enough of whom you recognize that you realize at least half the frat has rolled into the diner. The waitresses roll their eyes and groan but somehow they don’t look all that upset.
“Mr. President!” The tallest boy, Johnny according to Soonyoung’s Instagram tags, holds a fist over his heart and pounds it a couple times. Seungcheol nods and greets each of the boys, most of whom seem to still be in various stages of inebriation. Almost all of them glance at you and whisper to each other, and you get the feeling they know exactly who you are.
Just what has Soonyoung said about you?
“How are we doing on time?” One of them calls out.
“46 minutes,” Joshua says. You frown. 46 minutes… until 9? Do they all know about today?
You tap Soonyoung on the arm. “What’s going on?”
“You see, the thing is,” he says, “apparently I was nervous?” He tries to fake a laugh but it sounds strained. “I don’t really know but the guys made me tell them about today and then I didn’t really know what was happening but I guess they followed us here? Thought you might like moral support, or something.”
You peek out at the booths crowded with frat bros and cringe back into your seat when they grin at you. “They’re all looking at me.”
“Well, I guess I do talk about you a lot,” he says, only loud enough for you to hear. He won’t meet your eyes.
Ask him why. You want to be brave. You want to be right about the answer you think he’ll give you. You chew the inside of your cheek.
“Because of the bet?”
Soonyoung doesn’t answer for a moment. “I guess.”
Coward.
“Why are we whispering?” Joshua asks, leaning across Soonyoung towards you. “Are we gossiping?”
Soonyoung pushes him off. “Butt out.”
“Just telling Soonyoung that I’ve never had an army of drunk guys rooting for me before,” you say.
“Could have had it sooner if you came to a party,” Seungcheol says.
“You really want me at a party that bad? We just met.”
Seungcheol glances at Soonyoung, who shakes his head. He sighs. “If only I could tell you why you need to come.”
You frown between the three men. “I don’t like when people talk in circles over me.”
“Just promise you’ll come to the Christmas party. It’ll all make sense then,” Seungcheol says. You’ve heard a lot about Seungcheol from Soonyoung, and the more you listen to him, the more you believe it. He’s a strange man.
“I’ll think about making an appearance.”
“Really?” Soonyoung whips around to face you and you know that you have to come now. You haven’t seen him this excited since you let him skip studying to party. No, he’s even more excited now. “You’ll come?”
You can’t stand his gaze so you study the placemats. “Maybe.”
He grabs your hand until you meet his eyes. “Please?”
The Soonyoung Sparkle. You never win against it. “Fine.”
“Get a room,” Joshua says behind a very fake cough. You pull your hand back into your lap and pretend like you aren’t embarrassed.
“How long now?” You shout out.
“40 minutes,” someone answers. You groan and lean back into the sofa. Studying was hard enough but waiting makes you want to pull out each individual hair on your head. You stare at the ceiling, trying to decide if the stain looks more like a horse or a flower.
“Look at this.” Soonyoung passes his phone in front of you, forcing you to look down. His Instagram is open to a picture of a kitten looking drunk, face covered in milk. Such and obvious attempt to distract you but you smile anyway.
“Sweet,” you say and even you aren’t sure if you mean the cat or Soonyoung. He shows you cat pictures until the food finally arrives (33 minutes to go). You have to wait another five minutes because Soonyoung insists on having a photoshoot, despite your protests that you look like you just woke up (he raises his eyebrows at that). You stop fighting when Joshua makes him cut a piece of the pancake and feed it to you. Chocolate nearly drops in your lap but Soonyoung shoots his hand out at the last second and catches it.
“Okay, can we please just eat,” you say. Joshua and Seungcheol shrug and pretend like they weren’t instigating the pictures and telling you and Soonyoung how to pose.
Soonyoung was right about the bananas and chocolate. Rich and decadent, they’re delicious. When he cuts you a slice and pushes it toward you, you can even forget the countdown to the end of the world. Or, more accurately, the end of the world doesn’t mean anything to you when Soonyoung smiles at you like that.
You eat slowly enough to bring you to the ten minute mark. Fear mixes with the dessert for breakfast in your stomach, twisting it until it threatens to jump out of your throat. Soonyoung takes your hand under the table and holds it. You don’t run away this time.
He holds you to the planet again, keeps you from floating away and disappearing before you can reach the stars. It’s Soonyoung that keeps your heart beating. Always Soonyoung.
Seungcheol and Joshua chat, Soonyoung piping in a few times, but their words don’t reach you. Stuck somewhere between crushed beneath the weight of the world and floating away, you focus on the clock, watching the seconds tick closer and closer.
“Last minute!” Someone behind you finally shouts. Soonyoung squeezes your hand. You pull up the website on your phone and put in your login information and hover over the SUBMIT. At thirty seconds, they start shouting it out.
“Ten!”
“Nine!”
“Eight!”
“Seven!”
“Six!”
“Five!”
“Four!”
“Three!”
“Two!”
“One!”
Half the guys start cheering already, probably forgetting the count down doesn’t mean as much as the results themselves. You hit SUBMIT and watch the little wheel spin around and around and around until it finally refreshes. The number stares back at you, impossible to read right in front of you.
169.
“Congratulations!” Soonyoung shouts, throwing his arms around you and squeezing while you try to comprehend what that means. 169. The number should be all you can think about but Soonyoung holds you, shouting how proud he is, how he always believed in you.
“169!” Seungcheol shouts, miles away from your bubble. You can hear the guys break out into cheers, hear them chanting the number (which turns into 69) but it’s just you and Soonyoung. The world didn’t end and Soonyoung is still by your side.
The rest of the morning is a blur. Every member of the frat insists on congratulating you, which mostly means a lot of hugs, though one of the more drunk guys tried to spin you around on his shoulder. You laugh when you’d usually frown and find your way back to Soonyoung’s side like a magnet.
Maybe it’s the euphoria that gives you courage.
“Hey Soonyoung?”
“Hm?”
You say it before you can think too much. “Maybe just the two of us next time?”
He grins before you can finish speaking. “I’d love that.”
.
.
You have the courtesy to let Soonyoung sleep in as much as he wants. You wait for him at Barb’s, trying to figure out how to call this a date.
You’ve seen him a couple times since you got your score back, but you needed to study for finals and he had to make up for missing a lot of frat activities. You’ve only seen him in passing, nothing to fill the Soonyoung shaped hole in your heart. But today that will change. You will celebrate together and you will tell him how you feel. And then… you have no idea.
It’s just Soonyoung there’s nothing to be nervous about. Too bad your body doesn’t agree with you. Every nerve stands at attention, jumping at the bell that rings when the door opens. You don’t worry when Soonyoung doesn’t get to Barb’s by 8:30 like he said he would. Even at 8:45, you aren’t worried.
It’s only at 8:55 that you really start to wonder where he is. Maybe you should have picked him up. Knowing him, there’s a 50% chance he’s lying in a ditch after a failed attempt to recreate an impossible stunt from Fast and Furious. At 9, you call him. Between each silence in the ring, you wait for his voice but it never comes. He uses the automated voicemail, so you don’t even get his voice telling you to leave a message.
The anxiety turns to fear while you wait. The door rings and you see a fluff of bleach blonde hair and jump up. But though you recognize the face, it isn’t Soonyoung.
Chan, one of the younger members of the frat, with Mingyu and a guy whose name you forgot. They all have the same look in their eyes when they see you, far too much like pity.
“You’re YN, right?” Mingyu asks. “You’re supposed to meet Soonyoung?” The two guys with him, easily identifiable as frat members between their unkempt hair and sweatshirts plastered with Greek letters, stop mid conversation and glance at each other.
“Is he okay?” You ask, still standing in the awkward position in the booth.
“He’s got his score back,” Mingyu says.
“We were supposed to–”
“Yeah, I know,” Mingyu says. “It was a 167. You should really talk to him yourself.” He pauses, glancing at his frat brothers but they shrug. “He’s at the house. See if you can talk some sense into him.”
You’re too afraid to ask any other questions so you just watch Mingyu and the other two walk past, and pretend that they aren’t whispering and stealing glances at you.
Going to a frat house was never on your bucket list but your feet travel without guidance. You find yourself in front of a rather nondescript house. No bodies hang out from windows, no one is passed out in the yard. Then again it’s a weekday.
You pause at the door, wondering if you should knock. You tap your hand on the door and it slides open, the latch bolt pushed completely in. You step inside tentatively, peeking around but it’s quiet. You turn the corner to find an open room and Soonyoung sitting on a couch, glass with a bright liquid in his hand. He doesn’t even look at you.
“Are you seriously drunk right now?”
Soonyoung just shrugs, taking another sip from the glass. Even from here you can smell that it’s more tequila than fruit punch.
You shake your head, crossing the room sitting beside him even though he didn’t invite you to sit down. He was considerably cuter the last time you saw him drunk. You’ve gotten used to the power of Soonyoung’s facial expressions, his smiles, his frowns, the way his eyes glaze over when he’s bored, the way they gleam when he daydreams; they’re as precious to you as Soonyoung himself. But his face is a clean slate now, not a smile, not a frown, just a blank stare.
“You know a 167 is still insanely good, right?”
He shakes his head.
“Soonyoung.” He doesn’t look at you, so you grab his drink. Any other day and you would have failed miserably but his alcohol-impaired senses make him slow enough for you to get a hand on the half-empty glass. He glares at you but you don’t yield, tightening your grip and pulling the bottle even harder.
“Let go,” you growl. “Talk to me like a normal human.”
He shakes his head, pulling on the glass so you yank back, except you overestimate how weak he is like this, and the glass flies out of his hand, the contents spilling all over you. The red liquid sinks into your blue sweater, soaking you through all three layers.
“What the hell?” Soonyoung says.
“That gets your fucking attention? Spilling your drink?” You say. “You know, I really thought you were different.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re acting like a child. So you didn’t win the bet. Who fucking cares? Do you know how hard it is to get higher than a 160? Soonyoung, you are smart, and you worked so hard for this. You could go to law school with that score. You could graduate above a 2.3 if you stopped acting like a stereotypical fuck bro and actually studied.
“You know, you could actually be something if you wanted. You don’t have to get a degree and work at a corporate job that sucks your soul away until the Soonyoung that actually matters is gone. I know it’s easier this way, but if you actually tried to dream, you could do something. I don’t get it, honestly. Because everyone thinks you’re an idiot you act like one? Is that what it is?”
“You don’t have to pretend like you don’t think the same thing.”
You snort. “I don’t, but clearly you won’t believe me. You think that if you have to work for something then it’s not worth it when you could be so much more.”
“Why do you even care?” Soonyoung asks, looking you in the eyes for the first time. For a moment, you think you might actually be wrong, because all you see in his eyes is pain. A physical force that constricts your heart and makes you weak in the knees, Soonyoung looks at you like he’s been fighting a war you never knew about, like he’s been suffering in silence for a lifetime. He looks at you like you’ve broken his heart.
Why do I care? You could scoff. Because I’ve been in love with you ever since you fell asleep on my shoulder. I’ve been fighting this stupid crush for so long that I don’t know who I am without it. I don’t know who I am without you. I care because every day the world proves that we aren’t worthy of this planet, that love can’t solve all problems yet you make me question it all. You don’t just bring light into my life, you make it glitter. And I can’t tell you any of this.
“I don’t know.” The lie tastes bitter but it’s still sweeter than rejection.
“Then why are you here?” Soonyoung looks away. Without his eyes pinning you down, you can breathe again, but every inhale still drags against your heart. You stand up. Afterall, you don’t have an answer for him.
“I take it back. You are an idiot,” you mutter over his head as you walk past him. You make it to the corner of the street before the tears finally spill over your cheeks, and all the way back to your room before you can’t breathe.
.
.
Without the distraction of finals, you are left with your own thoughts, your words and Soonyoung’s floating around your head. You have always been something of a hermit but you’ve become J.D. Salinger himself, only leaving your room to sneak into the kitchen and scrounge for scraps of junk food that Jihoon hasn’t thrown away yet. You watch so much reality TV that you start to dream about it.
Every episode the people, a family living on a homestead that just happens to dress in brand name clothes and drive a Benz, fight and cry and make up. You yell at the mother when she forces her daughter to change because she didn’t think polka dots are appropriate and cry along with the daughter when she starts to sniffle in her confessional, wondering if her mother would ever approve of her choices, whether it was clothes or the people she wants to date.
You bet your confessional would be a hit if it was ever filmed. Tears run down your cheeks as you practice it in the mirror, choking out an apology for calling him an idiot and telling the whole world what you aren’t brave enough to tell him.
Jun calls but you can’t answer. He leaves three voicemails: an apology, a goofy one telling you he’ll be back soon, and a final one, yelling at you to pick up or at least let him know you’re alive. You text him an apology you don’t know if you mean. He says thank you anyway and doesn’t call again.
You have no plans to change your schedule (wake up, steal food, cry, sleep) but on the third day you run out of goldfish and can’t find anything in the kitchen that doesn’t make you nauseous. To make matters worse, despite the fact that it’s seven in the morning (the earliest you’ve woken up since the Fight), Jihoon catches you.
You’ve successfully avoided him and his inevitable lecture, slamming your door shut and ignoring his knocks but he catches you off guard today. He sneaks in from his morning workout wearing a black t-shirt and slides that he somehow manages to walk stealthily in, scaring you when you close the fridge and find him standing where the door was.
“Are you done hiding?”
“I’m not hiding,” you mutter.
He folds his arms.
“Fine,” you say. “I’m not done hiding.”
“Well too fucking bad,” Jihoon says. You try to step past him but he holds his arm out. You’ll never beat him in a physical fight so you step back, shaking your head.
“Have it your way. Go ahead.” You wave your hand. “Get it all out. Yell at me or lecture me or whatever, I don’t care. You’re going to tell me that I’m an idiot? That I shouldn’t be so afraid of rejection, that I’m blind to how he feels?
“Or are you going to tell me that I shouldn’t trust someone like him? That I shouldn’t be crying over a goddamn frat boy, I’m better than this, I’m better than him.” You choke back a sob, not sure what words are coming out anymore. You wipe at the tears in your eyes and are so focused on trying not to cry that you don’t notice Jihoon walking away. You do see him come back, blurry shape coming into focus as you blink away the tears. He holds something in his hand, a navy blue square. A throw pillow from the couch?
He shifts it in his hand until he holds the corner with the zipper, swinging it a couple times back and forth. Then he yanks his arm back and arcs the pillow in a wide loop, landing directly on your head.
“Ow!” You cry but Jihoon just swings again, hitting your arm this time. He hits you so hard it knocks you off balance, sending you to the floor. Jihoon doesn’t hesitate, swinging the pillow into you again and again, every inch of you.
“You. Are. An. Idiot.” He grunts out each word with a blow. “You really think you’re better than him?”
He finally pauses, not even breathing heavily. You shake your head to answer him. “Of course not.”
“Good,” he says. Then he hits you again and again and again.
“Ow, Jihoon, what the hell?” You bury your head in your knees and hold your arms over you, trying in vain to protect yourself.
“I’m not your babysitter,” he says. “I’m not your father, or your brother, or any of that shit. I’m your best friend and you’re being an idiot and I’m not going to stop hitting you until you get some sense knocked into you.” He freezes, as if realizing exactly what he said. “Wait, no–that’s not what I mean, shit, sorry, but–”
You peek out from your arms and find Jihoon opening and closing his mouth, trying to figure out what to say. He looks like a fish out of water, and it occurs to you he is a fish out of water. He’s never had to comfort you before, probably never had to comfort anyone. No wonder he’s so bad at it.
You wouldn’t laugh at him and borderline abuse, but your emotions are beyond fried, and he just looks so funny standing over you with a pillow raised, still sputtering half apologies. You try to stop the laugh before it comes out but it turns into a snort and then you can’t stop laughing, tears that you tried to push back falling freely. You lay back on the floor and laugh until your sides hurt, only vaguely aware of Jihoon laughing above you. Eventually he joins you on the floor.
“You know what I meant,” he says. The pillow rests on the floor between his legs, all the fluff on the far end from the one-sided pillow fight.
“I knew what you meant without the pillow.”
“Too bad,” Jihoon says. “I’m tired of listening to the theme song of that god awful show. You could at least watch something like–”
“I swear if you bring up an anime, you’ll feel exactly how hard that pillow can hit.”
Jihoon laughs, patting it a couple times. “I saw him the other day. He looked tired.” He pauses but you don’t dare speak. “We didn’t speak. I don’t even think he saw me. But it doesn’t matter because I’m not the one he needs to talk to.”
“I know,” you say.
“Then why are you still on the floor?”
Because you’re scared. Because it would be easier to just give up now, for once to ignore putting in the hard work and just let it pass. But just because it’s the easy option doesn’t mean it’s the right option. At the very least you need to apologize to him.
“What if he hates me?”
Jihoon snorts. “Then he’ll get some pillow violence too.” He pauses. “He doesn’t, though.”
“It doesn’t mean that it will turn out okay.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Jihoon says. “But no matter what happens, you’ll deal with it. And even if it absolutely sucks in the moment, eventually it will be over, and it sure as hell will be better than that stupid fucking show.”
You nod, setting your chin on your knees. Your stomach turns in anticipation for what you will have to do, but he’s right. It’s time to stop running. Tonight is the Christmas party, and you were never formally uninvited. Somehow you doubt Seungcheol will throw you out. It’s time to get off the floor and get ready.
“Have you ever thought of being a life coach?”
“Hell no.”
.
.
What am I doing here? You fake a smile at Seungcheol and swallow the shot as fast as you can, grimacing as the vodka burns everything from the inside of your mouth to the depths of your stomach. You should have just stuck to your mixed drink only policy but Soonyoung always has you breaking your rules. Even when he isn’t with you.
Seungcheol disappears as soon as you take the drink, and you don't see anyone else you are comfortable enough to chat with, though that list is quite short. You do a turn of the house, which looks marginally better than the last time you saw it ,the benefit of bad lighting. It’s already crowded with more people than you’ve ever seen on campus. You make your way through each room on the lower floor, finding more than a couple bleach blondes. None are who you’re looking for. You stop in the living room, where you saw him last.
“He isn’t here.” You turn at the voice. An unfamiliar boy stands next to you, holding a half-empty Smirnoff Ice. “He went to visit family or something.” He pauses, looking you up and down. “At least that’s what he said.”
You nod. You find it doesn’t surprise you that he seems to know who you are. You suppose you’ve grown used to it, just one of the side-effects of being close with Soonyoung. Though it’s still strange, it doesn’t make you uncomfortable anymore. Or it wouldn’t, if you didn’t think this stranger is implying that it’s your fault Soonyoung isn’t at the ‘Party of the Year.’
You can’t stand his gaze so you make your way back towards the drinks, grabbing the first bottle you could find and chugging half of the lukewarm drink. It tastes like a fruit you can’t recognize and carbonation and the more you drink the harder it is to swallow but you force it down.
You came to apologize. He isn’t here, so why do you stay? Because you promised him? Do you really miss him that much? That you would come here and suffer through all this chaos, just for the memory of him? It doesn’t make any sense but you think that might be a side effect of the alcohol. You get another drink just in case you’re still sober.
.
.
Your head pounds, the aching feeling of the stage between drunk and sober. Normally you’d like to be sound asleep by now, or at least in the comfort of your home, but you can’t bring yourself to leave. It’s hot and sweaty, the music is way too loud, and you can’t find water anywhere, but you stay anyway, because you’re an idiot that fell in love.
You curl up on the couch, opposite of a couple making out as if the room isn’t full of people, waiting for just a glimpse of him that will never appear. Even drunk, you think it’s pitiful, but you can’t stop.
You didn’t think you could fall asleep in all the noise but you open your eyes when you feel the world tilt sideways. You’re vaguely aware of the arms underneath your legs and back, cradling you against someone’s chest. No, not just someone.
Because you aren’t enough of an idiot, you can tell it’s him, his sweet scent, maybe even just his arms. Soonyoung carries you out of the living room and up the stairs, the blaring music fading only slightly.
“I thought you weren’t here,” you mumble.
Soonyoung frowns down at you. “You okay?”
You shake your head, suddenly realizing there are tears in your eyes. No, I’m not okay, I love you, you want to say. He squeezes you a little tighter, trying to hug you while still carrying you.
With your head resting against his chest, you can fully appreciate his beauty. His hair is black, which suits him even though he looks nothing like your Soonyoung anymore. You reach up and trace the lines of his face that are unchanging, the sharp straight line of his jaw, the gentle curve of his nose, his soft eyebrows. You drop your hand when you realize he’s staring at you, belatedly realizing you never got to his lips. You can only imagine how soft they’d be, soft like Soonyoung himself.
“You’re crying,” Soonyoung says softly. You can’t tell if he’s talking to you or not. He pauses in front of a door, struggling to open it without dropping you. Finally the door swings open and he sets you down on a bed, taking a deep breath and sitting beside you.
He brushes the tears from your eyes, as Soonyoung as ever. Sweet as ever. Sweet and Soonyoung. They should be the same word. You make a mental note to email Merriam-Webster’s dictionary and make the suggestion.
Soonyoung doesn’t say anything, just watching you with those perfect eyes. His hand rests on your face even though the tears are long gone, thumb tracing shapes on your cheek.
“You swore you’d do anything for me,” you say.
“Anything,” Soonyoung repeats.
You turn to the walls, knocking his hand off your cheek, not daring to look him in the eyes. Even drunk, you are a coward. He’s put up pictures on his wall, a couple Polaroids but mostly printed pictures, with the frat, some childhood pictures, and one that you recognize. The picture of the two of you at the beach that you thought you didn’t send, where you are looking at him with all the love in your heart. You trace his smile, blinding even in paper form.
“Could you maybe try loving me back then?” You mumble. Your eyes feel heavy between the alcohol and the tears and you’ve said what you needed to say, so you let them take over, closing your eyes and letting the blasting music from downstairs drown out any thoughts. And because it’s so loud and you’ve already drifted off to sleep, there’s no way you could hear his answer.
“I already do.”
.
.
The first thing you do when you wake up is throw up. You make it out of the bed but not to the bathroom, mostly because you don’t actually know where it is. You grab the nearest bucket-shaped item, which happens to be a mostly empty trash can. You lean away as soon as you’re done, breathing through your mouth and looking away from the mess. Belatedly, you realize someone is patting your back, brushing hair out of your face.
“Better?” Soonyoung asks. His knees rests against your lower back, one hand resting on your back, the other caressing your face. Thank god you already threw up because looking at him makes your stomach twist again and if there was anything in you, it would come up again. If you could throw up your heart, you would. As it is, the organ is trying to climb its way up your throat, whether it’s guilt or heartbreak you don’t know.
You nod in answer to his question, letting him help you up. Your head pounds and though you know you won’t throw up again, your stomach flips. Right, your policy of mixed drinks is definitely reinstated after this.
“Sorry I threw up in your trash can,” you say.
“Believe me, that is not the worst that trash can has seen,” Soonyoung says. “Wait, that sounds bad, I didn’t mean it in a weird way, I just mean–” He stops himself, shaking his head. “It’s a frat house.”
“It’s your room,” you say softly. With sober (albeit heavily hungover) eyes, you take in the room again. It’s tiny, one bed pushed against a wall with a desk set right next to it. Unsurprisingly, it’s stacked with protein powder and a pile of frat flyers, laptop balancing off the edge, not a paper in sight. Except for the one next to his bed, the walls are bare, an ugly shade of beige except for a circle filled with white plaster that looks suspiciously like the reformed crime scene of a fist going through drywall. It must be from whoever owned the room before Soonyoung.
The wall next to his bed is covered in pictures. You remember being amazed by them last night. Your eyes zero in on the picture of the two of you, right next to the pillow that’s still dented from your head.
“Did I steal your bed?” You frown except the movement hurts your head.
“I slept in Johnny’s room since he’s decided to disappear off the face of the planet instead of accepting the fact that he graduates next semester,” Soonyoung says. “I actually just came in here for some clothes, which reminds me.” He rummages through a drawer, pulling out a wrinkled t-shirt and handing it to you. “If you want a change.”
You glance down and feel like throwing up all over again. Your favorite shirt is covered in stains, alcohol, vomit, and something you definitely don’t want to name. If you weren’t feeling so terrible already, you’d cry that Soonyoung is seeing you like this.
“I’ll get you a toothbrush, too,” he mutters, disappearing and leaving you to scramble to switch shirts. The white dri-fit is meant to be a workout shirt, though it’s clear that it would be oversize on Soonyoung. Either way, the soft fabric is gentle on your skin, much better than the jeans you slept in. Too bad you’re stuck in them until you get back to your apartment.
You could run away right now. Soonyoung probably wouldn’t be surprised. But he’s being nice to you, so much nicer than you deserve. Sweet and Soonyoung. But you came here to apologize, and though last night got derailed, you can’t keep running from it. Besides, it’s not like the morning can get much worse.
So when Soonyoung comes back proudly brandishing an unopened toothbrush that he may or may not have stolen from Seungcheol’s bathroom, you accept it gratefully. You stare yourself down in the bathroom, fighting nausea and an impending migraine because you have a mission to achieve, a real mission unlike last night. It’s still a haze, but you don’t think you’ll ever forget how gently Soonyoung cradled you against his chest, the brush of his fingers on your cheek. If he didn’t show up this morning, you’d think it was a dream.
Soonyoung’s door is open when you finish but he isn’t in his room. You grab your bag from the floor and venture down the stairs, leaning heavily on the railing. There’s a couple people passed out in the living room, and one person snoring softly in the kitchen, head folded in his arms in a position that must be incredibly painful for his neck. But it’s where you find Soonyoung, digging through the fridge and finally pulling out a water bottle. He hands it to you, along with a bottle of pills.
“Thank you,” you sigh, not even bothering to check the label for the brand. You take a couple and chug half the bottle, gaslighting yourself into believing that it will instantly revive you (it doesn’t work and your head still pounds).
“Are you hungry?” Soonyoung asks. He opens the fridge again, this time wide enough to show the shelves that are filled with beer, vodka, and White Claws. There’s a pizza box and some eggs, but not much else.
“How are any of you alive?” You ask softly, glancing at the snoring person on the counter.
“Yuta can sleep through an apocalypse, don’t worry about him,” Soonyoung says, waving his hand. He closes the fridge, leaning against it. “And most of us keep our actual food in mini-fridges. I just cleared mine out for break, so I don’t have anything in it.” He doesn’t say anything else about vanishing.
“I’m pretty sure that pizza has been in there since the start of the semester and I’ve never seen eggs in here before though, so I don’t think you should risk any of this,” Soonyoung says. “McDonald’s fries are a far superior hangover cure, they’ve never failed me.”
“There’s a McDonald’s nearby?”
Soonyoung grins, pulling keys out of his pocket and spinning them around his fingers a couple times, except they fly off and clatter on the floor. The man asleep on the counter, Yuta apparently, stirs but doesn’t move. You can’t help but smile as Soonyoung scrambles to retrieve them from the floor. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was flustered.
“There isn’t one,” Soonyoung explains, leading the way to the door. “But I have the keys to Seungcheol’s car.”
“I’m not really comfortable with grand theft auto,” you say, though you don’t stop following him to Seungcheol’s giant white Jeep.
“He gave me the keys last night when I walked in,” Soonyoung says. “Something about owing me. He was pretty drunk.” He darts around to the passenger side before you can, opening the door for you. He waves his hand when you frown at him, as if you’re the one acting strange. Thinking with this headache is too hard so you just get into the car and strap the seatbelt on.
“I can’t believe you thought I’d steal a car,” Soonyoung says. He turns the engine on and scans the front of the car before finally settling his right hand on the gear shift.
“You have driven this car before, right?”
“Of course,” Soonyoung says a little too fast. You grab onto the door handle and hope that your stomach really is empty.
Soonyoung’s driving isn’t the worst you’ve ever experienced; that title goes to Jihoon, who was banned from touching car keys after his Mario Kart driving. That said, you think he’s a good second place. He slams on the gas and the brakes too hard and drives altogether too fast. He blasts the radio and sings along purposefully off key. You should be terrified but it’s the most fun you’ve ever had riding in the passenger seat.
“I’m never riding with you again,” you say, breathless from laughing. He pulls to a stop at the red light, the Golden arches of your destination still one light away. “You know yellow lights mean slow down right?”
“I stopped at this one!” Soonyoung says. “I’ll have you know I haven’t been in an accident.” He pauses. “Since I was nineteen.”
You nod, pursing your lips to stop yourself from smiling fully. “That’s what I figured.” You peek at Soonyoung and he’s smiling too.
So different from the last time you saw him. You don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t be able to laugh and joke around with him so easily, not when you still haven’t apologized. And Soonyoung shouldn’t be looking at you like that, genuine fondness in his eyes.
“The light’s green,” you say. His smile fades a little when he turns his head and drives ahead, stepping lightly for once. You’re so close now, but a car going straight in the right lane prevents him from turning.
The pain medicine must have kicked in because your headache is slowly fading, replaced by heartache that no medication can cure.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” You blurt out.
The blinker beeps a steady rhythm in the empty silence. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“Nothing’s ever obvious with you, Soonyoung,” you say softly.
“Oh.” The light turns green and he guides the car slowly into the parking lot, stopping in a spot instead of pulling up to the drive through. As soon as the car is in park, he turns to face you. There’s a crease in his forehead that you recognize from the rare occasions that he would actually talk to you seriously. “YN, I genuinely thought I was being clear about this from the beginning, but if you still really don’t get it, then I’ll say it straight up: I like you. I’ve liked you since the day we met and then I fell in love with you.
“Did you know you’re the first person that’s ever genuinely believed in me? I mean, I know I have friends, and my family means well, but they always get this look in their eye whenever I talk about trying for things, like it was cute that I was trying, but they never actually believed in me. And I started to believe them too. I started to believe that I couldn’t believe in myself.” He frowns. “That makes no sense. The point is, you are the reason I started to believe in myself again.
“No one’s ever looked at me like you do. No one’s ever told me to get my shit together–well, they have, but you’re the only one that told me it was because I could be better.
“You say it wasn’t obvious, but I’ve tried to tell you a thousand times. I flirted, I tried to ask you on a date so many times, and I finally accepted that you’d never see me like that, so I was a dick. I told you off, even though you were right. I’m so sorry for that, and I’m sorry I ran away, and I’m sorry it took me so long to apologize.”
“Stop,” you say. Soonyoung’s eyes widen, tears welling up, and you realize he thinks you’re rejecting him. “Stop apologizing!” His brow creases in confusion, an adorable frown. Summoning all your courage, you reach out, resting your hand on his. “I’m the one that’s sorry. I didn’t have any right to judge you and the choices you were making, and I shouldn’t have yelled at you when I knew how much the bet meant to you.”
You squeeze his hand, closing your eyes. “And I think I was a little oblivious on purpose. I’m not the kind of person that has crushes, let alone crushes that like me back, so I freaked a little and missed all the signs.” You open your eyes and grin at him. It’s easy to feel brave when he smiles back at you. “But I like you, Soonyoung. I like you so much, I don’t have enough words to express it. My whole life has been about my future, my career, and it’s exhausting, but being with you makes it all exciting again. Like, no matter what happens, if you’re with me, it won’t just be okay, it’ll be fun.”
Soonyoung beams. “Really?”
You squeeze his hand. “I like you.” Like the first time you took the LSAT, you can’t think of a single word, except instead of damning your future this feels like the start of it. Soonyoung sits across from you and you don’t need words.
You don’t know how long you sit there, but reality sets in when your stomach growls. You glance outside the window and remember where you are. “Did you just confess to me in a McDonald’s parking lot?”
“Better than drunk in my own bed.”
“I didn’t!” You let go of his hand to hide your face.
Soonyoung grins. “You were cute!”
“I don’t remember it, it doesn't count!”
“Whatever you say,” Soonyoung says, leaning over the center console. He gently pulls your hands away from your face, hand circling your wrist gently. You instinctively hold your breath, though you don’t lean away. Soonyoung leans a little closer, forehead resting against yours.
“This okay?” He whispers, breath kissing your lips, and you remember that less than an hour ago, you were throwing up. Your head still aches and your stomach is still queasy and your whole body feels disgusting.
“We are not having our first kiss in a McDonald’s parking lot,” you say, leaning back. Soonyoung sighs, but he sits back in his chair, settling for grabbing your hand and interlacing his fingers with yours.
“Fine,” Soonyoung says. He rubs his thumb back and forth, and when you meet his eyes, you see a familiar glint of trouble. “You know I’m still sworn to you. Whatever you want.”
The words go straight to your heart. You could live a thousand lives and never meet someone as genuine as Soonyoung. You know that he means it, heart and soul, that he’d do anything for you. And it should be terrifying that he’s willing to bear his heart for you, that you are willing to do the same. But it’s Soonyoung. It’s easy to trust him with it, because even though he breaks half the computers he touches and can’t hold onto a pencil for his life, he won’t ever drop your heart.
I love you. One day you’ll be able to say it, one day you’ll scream it like you so desperately want to. But until then, you settle for his certified brilliant smile and the gentle brush of his lips on the back of your hand, only letting go to turn the engine back on.
“Let’s get you some fries,” he says. “Then kisses?”
You shake your head and laugh, slipping your hand back into his.
Before he can put the car into gear, his phone rings. He stares at the screen for a moment, frowning like he can’t decide whether he should answer it or not. Finally he slides the green across, turning on speaker.
“Hey Seungcheol, I’m with—”
“Where the hell are you? And where is my car?” Seungcheol’s voice is somewhere between angry and concerned. “You think it’s okay to vanish and then show up only to steal my car?”
“First of all, you gave me the keys,” Soonyoung says. He glances at you. “And I’m at McDonald’s because YN desperately needed a hangover cure.”
“Hey,” you say so Seungcheol knows you’re there.
The line is quiet for so long you think Soonyoung’s phone has finally given up on him but eventually he says, “You’re with YN?”
“We talked,” he says. “And we’re good.”
You snort. “That’s how you’re going to describe it?”
“Are we not good?”
You glance at your hand still intertwined with his, the Soonyoung Sparkle glittering back at you when you look him in the eyes. Good? There’s not a word to describe how you feel right now.
“We are beyond good.”
.
.
“Are you crying?” You whisper. Soonyoung shakes his head, chin brushing against your head but when he inhales again, he sniffles. You reach up to pat his cheek and are entirely unsurprised when it’s wet. On screen Elle Woods continues her speech, for once not wearing pink.
“She’s just so cool,” Soonyoung says. You lift your head off his chest so you can look him in the eyes. The temptation to tease him is hard to resist but he pouts his lips and you see another tear slip out. You kiss his cheek, out of habit more than anything. Strange how much can change in two weeks, how something you’ve never imagined doing has become natural. But being with Soonyoung is just like that. New and old at the same time, the kind of comfort that has you planning how to make this last a lifetime.
Soonyoung wraps his arms around you tighter, so you nestle back into his chest, turning away from the end of the movie to close your eyes and breathe in his cologne.
“I can’t believe you’ve never seen this,” you whisper, lips brushing against his neck. “The whole bet was based on a movie you haven’t seen.”
“You’re missing the end,” he says. His voice rumbles in your ear, drowning out his heartbeat.
“I’ve seen it before.” Your bed really isn’t built for two people to lay down together. You are laying more on Soonyoung than the mattress but it’s not the first time. From the way he holds you, you doubt it’ll be the last.
The credits roll too quickly, but Soonyoung still doesn’t let go. He pulls you up so that your head is next to his, nose centimeters away from yours.
“So am I officially qualified to go to law school?” He asks.
“You are Elle Woods certified,” you say. “But you’re sure that’s what you want?”
“I mean I have to get in. But I figure if I’m going to waste away at a desk, I might as well do it for something I believe in.” He pauses. “With someone that believes in me.” He presses a kiss to the side of your neck, breath tickling the sensitive skin. You can’t help but sigh.
“That doesn’t mean it’s what you want,” you say, after several heartbeats of struggling to think.
“I want…” His words “To be with you. However you’ll have me.” His arms loosen, hands sliding down to your waist.
“Still not answering the question,” you breathe out but you can’t even remember what the question is, not when he’s shifting to lay on top of you, lips inching their way up your neck. He kisses your jaw, your cheek, the corner of your lips, then stops, pulling away and meeting your eyes again.
The Soonyoung Sparkle. The grinch has nothing on you–your heart swells so large it feels like it’s going to explode out of your chest–Alien style. Does he know what he does to you? How he’s made everything in your life shine? How happy you are when he’s with you?
“I love you,” you whisper.
Soonyoung blinks at you. “You…”
“I love you,” you say again, this time with more confidence. “I really, really love you.”
Soonyoung grins, leaning down and pressing his lips to yours, moving like the world outside has stopped. He makes a bubble around you again, or maybe it’s your own heart; either way the only thing that exists is the way his hands inch up your shirt, the way his lips begin to press harder against yours. You give up on coherent thoughts, settling for wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer.
“I love you, too,” Soonyoung whispers between kisses. “If that wasn’t obvious.”
Soonyoung who always treated you like you were enough already. Soonyoung who does everything with 100% of his heart. Soonyoung who has always been sincere with you, from the first day you met him. Soonyoung, who you are so lucky to be loved by.
You don’t know how to say any of this in a way that makes sense so you let his fire melt you until you are putty in his arms. He pulls away, and the Soonyoung Sparkle burns, your personal stars flickering back at you.
“You want to–” Soonyoung starts to say, but the door slams open. Then Soonyoung falls on you, pillow rolling off his head.
“I’m taking this back!” Someone shouts while you hear Jihoon cursing.
“Read the room, idiot!” Soonyoung pushes off of you, sitting up and pulling your shirt down as smoothly as he can. You sit up, trying to decide if you should be embarrassed or angry. Facing Jun, frozen midstep with his jaw hanging open a little and Jihoon in the doorway with his arms folded, shaking his head slightly, you opt for the latter.
“Does no one knock in Colombia?” You frown at him. “And when did you get back? Why didn’t you call?”
“It was supposed to be a surprise,” he mumbles, staring at his feet. “And you were supposed to be alone, according to my sources.” He glares at Jihoon.
“YN didn’t say he was coming over,” he says with a shrug.
You turn your frown to him. “You walked in halfway through the movie, I literally shouted ‘Soonyoung’s over.’”
“I had my headphones on,” he says, though he’s avoiding your eyes too. Typical of your friends, never claiming responsibility for their actions.
“So this is Soonyoung,” Jun says, turning to face him. Soonyoung moved to the edge of the bed, too far away for your taste but probably an appropriate distance for your friends, especially compared to what they walked in on. Jun tilts his head. “You dyed your hair.”
“Yeah,” Soonyoung scratches the back of his head. “Spur of the moment thing.” You miss the blonde, surprisingly fitting considering it isn’t his natural color. But the black suits him too, and probably will help him with law school interviews. Then again, knowing Soonyoung, this color won’t last long either. Good thing there isn’t a color you don’t think suits him.
“We should do this properly,” Soonyoung says. “Go out for dinner or something.”
“Hey, I didn’t get dinner,” Jihoon says.
“You want to get dinner with me?” Soonyoung perks up.
“No, I’m protesting unfair treatment.”
“It’s not unfair, I’m just clearly his favorite,” Jun says.
“Can you guys stop fighting over my boyfriend?” You say.
Jihoon and Jun stare at you. When Soonyoung turns to face you, he grins, eyes sparkling.
“What?”
“You just called him your boyfriend,” Jun says.
“Well… he is.” You feel your cheeks flush. “Why are you guys making it weird?”
“It’s not weird,” Soonyoung says. He scoots closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “It’s cute,” he whispers in your ear. “Adorable.” This only makes you flush even more.
“Well, I don’t want to interrupt, so I’ll just grab this and you two can get back to… whatever.” Jun takes a step towards your bookcase. You grab the pillow that he threw at Soonyoung and nail him in the chest, earning a laugh from Jihoon.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“The book is mine, Soonyoung never fulfilled the bet!” Jun says. You stand up, blocking him from your Pride and Prejudice.
“Hey, I followed through!” Soonyoung says. “We’re dating!”
“I remember the bet stating that you had to ask YN out after you took the LSAT.” Jun turns to him.
“And I did,” Soonyoung says. “You never said it had to be right after.”
Jun eyes him. “That’s cheating.”
“That’s being a lawyer,” you say. “And I think he’s going to be really good at it.”
Jun glances between you and Soonyoung and shakes his head. “Whatever, I’ll get my book back another day.”
You step closer to Soonyoung and he links his pinky with yours. You glance at your friends. “Are you going to stand there forever or are we getting dinner?”
“You two don’t want to get back to what you were doing?” Jihoon asks.
You slip your hand into Soonyoung’s. He meets your eyes and he’s only been your boyfriend for two weeks but looking at him is like looking home. There’s no need to rush.
“Sounds like someone doesn’t want to pick where we go.”
“We should make them pay, too,” Soonyoung says.
You grin at him. “You are the smartest person I know.”
#🌟 stars galaxy#seventeen#seventeen x reader#svt#svt reader#seventeen fanfic#seventeen fanfiction#seventeen fluff#kwon soonyoung#hoshi#svt hoshi#soonyoung x reader#hoshi x reader#hoshi fluff#soonyoung fluff#hoshi angst#soonyoung angst#soonyoung#svt x reader
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HEART TO HEART ━━━━━ masterlist
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
NISHIMURA RIKI never would have thought that being a demon meant he’d be summoned by you on a late tuesday evening begging him to make your p.e teacher disappear for a day just because you didn’t want to run during class the next day
pairing: demon!ni-ki x fem!student!reader
genre: high school au, slight!supernatural au, strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, crack, smau, written, slight!angst
featuring: rei of IVE ( faceclaim ), enhypen, yunjin of LE SSERAFIM, yuna of ITZY, ning ning of AESPA, danielle of NEW JEANS, jongseob of P1HARMONY , chaeryeong of ITZY , ricky of ZEROBASEONE
warning: dark humour, cursing
status: finished
( started on 23/03/2023, finished on 06/07/2023 )
tag list: @sserafimez, @neohyxn, @smh-anon, @redm4ri, @stopeatread, @yourfavoritefreakyhan , @saiewithakatana , @kyuupidwrites , @i-dont-know-me-either , @aestheticsluut , @certainyouthpeanut , @deadgirlwalking3 , @4imhry, @1-800shutthefuckup, @moonshoon, @tzuyusluv, @j-wyoung, @strwberrydinosaur, @soobiverse, @astrae4, @ensrfm, @kimipxl, @imasimplol, @vlvtrkii, @enhafika, @maerijw, @arizzu, @txtmetonight, @dimplewonie, @catryu, @wonyoungsvirus, @haewonluvr, @artstaeh, @softpia, @witzys, @run2seob, @beomgyusonlywife, @st4rfiles, @txtmetonight, @ilovewonyo, @yumilovesloona, , @ghostiiess, @noonaslvr, @ahnneyong, @ineedaherosavemeenow, @ryomenswife, @wildesreblogs, @kissezfornamjoon, @lomlyeonjun, @jhopesucker ( closed )
ENHYPEN MASTERLIST ˚୨୧⋆ MAIN MASTERLIST
## PROFILES !!
001. beatles dupes
002. anti yn haters
003. satan’s children
## CHAPTER INDEX !!
one | strawberry lamp
two | laughing out loud
three | queen ni-ki
four | sugar mommy
five | edward cullen
six | summertime sadness
seven | jisoo the fish
eight | tunnel of misery
nine | vogue magazines (0.4k)
ten | ultimate demon rizz
eleven | the class president
twelve | niki is riki
thirteen | holy eyes
fourteen | nr. 1 fangirl
fifteen | mlp socks
sixteen | little lover boy
seventeen | king julian
eighteen | bad kisser (1.1k)
nineteen | kissing rat
twenty | babygirl privileges
twenty one | gold digger
twenty two | #notacheater
twenty three | riki’s headphones
twenty four | the og riki
twenty five | the L word
twenty six | i love you (0.3k)
twenty seven | pookie
heart to heart © kkurades, 2023.
#✩⋆˚ heart to heart#enha niki#niki#niki x reader#niki nishimura#nishimura riki x reader#nishimura riki#riki nishimura x reader#enhypen x reader#enhypen#enhypen masterlist#enha x reader#enhypen smau#enhypen imagines#enhypen au#enha#enha smau#niki smau#nishimura riki smau
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DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART GROW ANGRIER
✸ pairing: jason grace x daughter of minerva! reader
✸ summary: you don’t know anything about jason anymore, except for the fact that you hate him for leaving
✸ warnings: kinda angsty…BUT I SWEAR THERE’S FLUFF AT THE END!! hurt / comfort type, & i think i swore like twice whoopsie
✸ notes: this might be my longest fic yet, hello? i mean, that’s not saying much but STILL
you didn’t know much about jason grace as of lately. it was true that there once was a time that even the smallest of scratches on his skin weren’t a mastery to you, a time when you knew him better than you knew yourself.
until six months ago, when he disappeared without a trace and left you all alone.
as a daughter of minerva, you’d never had many friend to begin with aside from the two praetors of new rome, for your skills and intellect set you apart from your fellow members of the legion and as leader of the first cohort, you were high up in the ranks anyways.
but now, six months later, you found yourself filling the post of second praetor not because you wanted to, but because you had to. the weight of the world had fallen upon your shoulders in only a fortnight
then, percy jackson had appeared.
you’d given him the position you held graciously, but it did nothing to repair the damage done that caused you to be emotional and physically strung out beyond relief.
you didn’t know much about jason grace anymore, except for the fact that you hated him, and unlike reyna, would not be welcoming him back with open arms when he arrived at camp jupiter as percy said he would.
and arrive he did, aboard a flying warship with three other demigods you’d never seen in your life.
while percy, reyna, and the rest of the legion welcomed them in with open arms, you were nowhere to be found.
jason’s eyes scanned the crowd over and over again and each time failed to find just the face he was looking for.
ever since his memories had been returned, the son of jupiter had been driving himself crazy with anticipation to see you again.
the curve of your soft lips and spark in your eyes; the flex of you muscles as you fought and the amused quirk of your brow when you inevitably won. he remembered it all and he missed it all so much that he thought it just might suffocate him. to him, every minute without you was another minute closer to asphyxiation.
fortunately, even after six months, you were still the same girl he had always known. the same one who would tie her shoe laces with two loops instead of one and always had to step out the door with her left foot first.
the same girl who knew him better than himself, and who he knew just as well.
so when he walked into your typical getaway spot, you couldn’t really say you were surprised.
hidden and tucked away in the corner of the new rome library you sat, a book you could’ve even say the name of propped open in front of you just in case someone came in and you needed to look occupied.
you hadn’t read a word since you’d gotten in there, for your brain was too busy reeling with thoughts about the boy who was now sliding his way through the front door to the library in search of you.
you heard footsteps enter the otherwise pen-drop silent room and darted your eyes to the page of your book, resting your face in your hand and letting hair fall over your face in hopes it might cover you up and by some miracle, conceal your identity.
but unfortunately for you, jason would know you anywhere.
he stopped in his tracks when his eyes fell on you, his darling girl hiding away in a corner, trying to disguise herself from the world. you weren’t in your official centurion getup like everyone else, but instead jeans and a purple camp jupiter t-shirt that exposed the four lines scored across your arm.
four years. four years that you had known jason, and four years that had been stolen from him just like that.
“yn?” he uttered, asking even though he knew for certain that it was you.
you didn’t answer, just flipped the page of the book you weren’t reading. it bruised his heart a little bit, but he expected nothing less ever since your absence at the welcome party.
he walked closer, testing the water in hopes that you’d at least spare him a glance up. when you didn’t even give him that much, he crossed the room fully until he was standing in front of the table you sat at.
“i braced myself when reyna told me you were mad, but i didn’t expect for you to ignore my existence entirely,” he told you after the silence became too much to bear.
with a huff, you snapped your book dramatically shut and looked up at him, avoiding eye contact and making yourself seem as uninterested as you could possibly scrounge up.
for the first time in months, you took in the beautiful sight that was jason grace. he looked almost the same, with his starry eyes and pretty smile. except he was dressed in a eye-stabbingly bright orange shirt that read camp half-blood on it and was seemingly a size too small, considering how it distractingly hugged his biceps a little too snugly.
he still looked like him, but if he was masquerading around as someone he wasn’t. a son of zeus and not jupiter. a quest leader and not a praetor. a teenage boy, not a soldier.
“library’s closed, and you don’t have authorization to override that rule anymore,” you told him bluntly. “or did you forget how to read, too?”
“okay, ouch,” he nodded, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans to stop himself from fidgeting. but that was the girl he knew: assertive and naturally bossy, for lack of a better word. a true leader, just like himself.
“i’m trying to read, leave,” you mumbled, keeping your eyes off of his.
“i know you’re not reading that,” he rolled his eyes, knowing that you didn’t see it became if you had, he would’ve been chided.
“yes, i am.” you insisted, reopening the book.
“sweetheart,” he sighed, pushing the cover shut again and pointing to the bleary title. “it’s in italian. which if i remember correctly, you don’t speak.”
your cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but you were mad at him, gods damn it, and you were gonna act like it.
slamming the book down, you pushed yourself to your feet and began towards the door, not giving him the decency of another word.
poor jason didn’t know what was going on. he didn’t know why you were acting this way or why he didn’t get the overwhelming joy of you running to his arms like annabeth had percy’s. no, instead you ran off at the mention of him and refused to meet his eyes.
he’d lost six months with you, and briefly lost the memories of all four years of you, there was no way he was going to lose you now too.
the fear of losing you— all of you— for good had a grip on him so tight that it made him catch your wrist with his hand before you could leave, and the touch of your skin against his sent a refreshing shock through his senses. one chance was all he needed to make sure you didn’t slip through his fingers again.
“don’t go,” he said. “please. i— i don’t really know what’s wrong, but i know that i want to and that i want to fix it.”
for the first time again, your eyes met his. but where his were soft and concerned, yours were glassy and inflamed.
“you don’t know?” you glowered loudly, voice echoing in the silent and empty library, eyes holding angry tears. “jason, you left me! and for months, i tried to figure out what was wrong with me that made you do it, until everyone reminded me that it doesn’t matter what i think or how i feel, because there’s people to take care of and responsibilities to handle.”
jason stared at you, all the things he’d planned to say suddenly lost as he processed your broken words.
“and yeah, i know now that it was all juno, but by the time i was told, everything had already changed too much.”
“too much?” he questioned, looking down at you like a wounded puppy and yanking on your heartstrings.
it wasn’t his fault, none of it was. the involuntary leaving, the memories being wiped, the identity shattering feeling of being an amnesiac. it was all juno and her twisted plans and jason was just a victim of it, and you knew that.
but he had forgotten you once, so what would stop him from doing so again? or worse, what if he had gotten all these memories of you back and the fresher version of his mind had decided that you just weren’t worth it anymore? maybe you never were.
you were just protecting yourself, your heart.
at first when he left, you’d prayed every night he’d come back, wished on every shooting star and dandelion. but then you were forced to accept that no, he wasn’t coming back and somebody had to step up. you had to step up.
it hurt so hard to have your life flipped upside down and take on more than you could even imagine, you just couldn’t do it again.
who’s to say that the minute you let him back in, he wasn’t going to be ripped right away again?
“too much.” you restated. “before percy showed up, i was filling your position and holding my own. all while people either asked me what happened to you or looked at me like i was some poor, little wounded deer, and helping reyna keep everything from falling apart, and with fucking octavian breathing down my neck! and the whole time i couldn’t think of anything but you, and your stupid…you!”
you groaned and shoved your face in your hands to hide the tears that had already started falling, the frustration becoming too much.
slowly, jason put a hand on your shoulder and pulled you into his chest, to which you let yourself slowly collapse into his embrace, your hands the only barrier between your face and his chest.
he wrapped his arms around you carefully like he’d done many times before, rocking back and forth as a silent attempt to calm you. he felt a little guilty for enjoying the feeling of you in his arms again, given the circumstances.
“i’m sorry,” you whimpered into the cotton fabric of his ugly orange shirt. “it’s not your fault. and you don’t deserve to be yelled at or ignored. i’m so sorry.”
“it’s okay,” he murmured into your hair. “i’m sorry for letting you think there was ever anything that could make me want to leave you. and, i’m sorry for not remembering everything sooner.”
you must’ve looked pretty damn rough for him to be apologizing that his memories were stolen by a goddess.
“you really remember?” you whispered into his chest, scared that if you said it too loudly the answer might change.
“yeah,” he answered, picking his head up off yours and tapping the back of your head to draw you out of his chest.
you didn’t go far, looking up at him while still in his arms, tear-streaked face and all.
“there she is,” he mused. “there’s my pretty girl.”
the frown on your face deepened at that, purely because your face was surely red and covered in tears, and he decided to compliment it anyways.
“everything? you remember it all?” you sniffed.
“everything.” he confirmed. “like how this is where you go when you’re stressed,” he dipped his head down and kissed your cheek.
“and your favorite color’s light blue,” he kissed your other cheek. “and you prefer mystery books to romance,” your forehead. “and i even remember the time i tied your shoe for you and got kicked in the face in exchange.” your nose.
you were eye-to-eye now, drowning in oceanic blue surrounding his blown-up pupils.
a small giggle passed your lips at the last anecdote, pressing a nostalgic smile onto your lips. “i missed you,” you admitted.
“i missed you too,” he said. “can i have a kiss now?”
you smiled and pulled his face to yours, capturing his familiar and dearly missed lips with your own. after all the fussing and fighting you’d done, he could have as many kisses as he wanted.
#୨୧ love letters#jason grace x reader#jason grace x fem!reader#jason grace x y/n#jason grace oneshot#jason grace x you#jason grace imagine#jason grace#heroes of olympus x reader#heroes of olympus#hoo#hoo x you#hoo x reader#pjo hoo toa#pjo#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo fandom#x reader
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