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nerdy-talks · 6 months

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Warning : This post is going to be a very personal rage dump/rant.

There are heavy topics involved, including cancer and death. Also explicit language.

Out of consideration and respect to those of you who would prefer not to read it (since I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to), I will continue under the cut

Also pictures of my dogs, to break up the doom and gloom ^^"

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I absolutely despise, loathe, hate toxic people.

Especially when those toxic people are the “wolf in sheep’s clothing” type.

Especially when those people don’t have the fucking balls to confront others directly and just choose to slink about behind the scenes like scummy little vermin.

So… my uncle Joe passed away a few days ago.

It was expected. He had been battling pancreatic cancer, which ended up spreading into his liver and lungs.

With that being said, even though he will be dearly missed, at least he no longer has to suffer.

I was close with my uncle.

In fact, it’s no exaggeration to say that I was much closer to him than I was with my own father (my Dad was a permanent presence in my life up until the day he died, but we had an extremely tumultuous, dysfunctional, volatile, abusive relationship.)

We visited my uncle Joe regularly ever since I was a baby, all the way up until somewhat recently. He spent countless hours at our place throughout the years. He was super close with my parents, doing tons of outdoorsy activities with them. I spent a good amount of my childhood with his family. When his wife passed away, my parents helped him and supported him. He helped us move twice. My Mom took his kids places when she was just dating my Dad. When my Dad passed away, my uncle Joe was there for me without me even having to ask.

Literally everything was good between us, and always has been.

It’s also thanks to my uncle Joe that we gained a new furry member of our family last year, who we named Dandy 💙 my uncle’s dog had puppies, he asked how many we wanted, so we took one lol

(I’ll include a few poor quality pictures because… well, I should probably break up this message with a little “positivity”, right?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was Dandy when he was still just a baby, 4 weeks and 3 days old.

Look at the cute little potato 🥹

We visited my uncle Joe every week to see him grow and develop, anxiously waiting until he was old enough to bring home.

And this was the day he finally joined our family ~

Look at how tiny he was compared to my one Black Lab (sorry for the terrible quality picture. Our carpets are old, but I swear they don't look that dingy ^^")

And here's Dandy today, one year and five months later ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway! Back to my rage-fueled rant :

My uncle Joe met someone about a year and a half ago, and she moved in with him pretty quickly.

Which certainly wasn't a bad thing. We were genuinely happy for him.

She seemed very nice, sweet, accepting, kind, receptive, and welcoming.

But for whatever reason, the dynamic changed the moment my uncle fell ill and the control landed in her hands.

Since my uncle Joe was sick, we all mutually decided that it would be best if communication was between my Mom/me and her (we would text her to check in to see how he was doing, as well as find out if/when it was a good time for us to visit)

This is where some inconsistencies started to appear.

For example :

She would tell us not to visit because my uncle was too sick (which was totally understandable!), but then would tell us a few days later how he was doing great and had fishing trips planned all week.

I 100% believed her at the time.

After all, everyone has both good and bad days.

But then when we would visit, my uncle Joe told us how he couldn’t fish anymore because the chemo was causing neuropathy in his hands, and he couldn’t hold his fishing pole or cast/reel the line in.

Though we just assumed he discovered those issues after she told us about those supposed fishing trips.

But the true eye-opener happened during our one visit. My uncle Joe welcomed us into his home, we talked, found out some updates about his health (which was declining), etc. He was open/transparent with us about everything.

When my uncle went to the bathroom during that visit, his girlfriend made the comment “I probably should have told you guys not to come here, since he’s in a lot of pain today.”

Knowing my uncle, I didn’t budge from my seat. I knew that if he wasn’t up for company, he wouldn't hesitate to tell us to leave.

And I’m glad we didn’t leave… because literally 10 minutes later, her granddaughter came waltzing in to visit her.

My uncle came out of the bathroom, sat on the sofa doubled over in pain as he was talking to me and my Mom (at this time, we asked him directly if we should leave, since we knew he was dealing with a lot and we didn't want to overstay our welcome. He told us not to leave, that we could stay because he felt like shit regardless).

But as he was sitting there, clearly in pain, his girlfriend and her granddaughter asked him to get up and carve a watermelon for them instead of doing it themselves.

What sense does that make?

'I should have told you guys to stay away, but I’m gonna make him strain himself and carve a watermelon for us even though he’s already suffering and struggling enough'

…. Okay. Fuck you too.

We obviously didn’t say anything. We just visited for a little while longer, then left with a friendly/cordial “goodbye, nice to see you again” to her and her granddaughter, told my uncle that we would be thinking about him and see him again, and wished them a good day.

Two and a half months passed before we heard from them again.

Why? Because she refused to answer our numerous calls and texts.

She deliberately ignored us, which actively prevented us from having an opportunity to see my uncle.

And she knew damn well that we wouldn’t just show up at my uncle’s house unannounced because we didn’t want to disturb him if he wasn’t feeling up for company.

We only got in contact with him again after he directly called our phone and left a message saying “hey, just checking in. I hope you’re both doing okay, since I haven’t heard from either of you in a while. Stop by when you can”.

So we went to his house.

When we explained the situation to my uncle Joe/passive aggressively confronted his girlfriend, her excuse was “oh, sorry. The reception here is bad so my phone was probably just acting up.”

For two and a half months?

Even though she was literally using her phone in front of us, which appeared to be working perfectly fine?

Even though she’s always on her phone every time we see her?

Even though she could have reached out to us, yet chose not to? Not even once in two and a half months??

I call bullshit.

My Mom even told her that she was on the verge of sending a text that said “okay, cunt.” since we thought she was ignoring us after not responding to our multiple texts/calls.

We all laughed it off as a joke, Joe's girlfriend even said “hahaha, I probably would have laughed if I got a text like that!” … but it most certainly was not a joke.

(My Mom is extremely outspoken and normally doesn’t hold back, especially when it counts. She’s the type of person you either love or hate, but she’s definitely one of a kind and the perfect example of a strong, independent woman who gives zero fucks lol)

Anyway, that visit went well. We behaved like usual, talked to both my uncle and his girlfriend normally, caught up on stuff, etc.

After that interaction, his girlfriend miraculously responded to every single call and text (bad reception, huh? Funny how she had zero service issues after we called her out in front of my uncle)

But basically every time we talked with her, she would say “it’s not a good time to come by, he’s really sick.”

And we would always respond with things like “we totally understand”, “thank you so much for letting us know”, “we wish there was something we could do to help”, “we’re here for you if you ever need anything or anyone to talk to since we know this also isn’t easy for you”, “we’ll check in next weekend”, “please take care of yourself”, “we’ll be thinking about you”, etc.

Then finally, my uncle Joe told us to stop up again two weeks ago. So we did.

He was extremely sick and remained in bed, but we said hello and he told us that we are more than welcome there and we could just visit with his girlfriend. So we did. The visit remained cordial and friendly.

The next day, my uncle called and apologized for not getting up when we were there.

We immediately told him that he has absolutely no reason to be sorry, that we completely and wholeheartedly understand, that we would understand even if he told us to leave the moment we arrived, and that we were keeping him in our thoughts.

The week after that, his girlfriend said he was too sick for company (which again, we obviously understood and thanked her for letting us know, wished them the best, etc).

We didn’t visit my uncle Joe after that. He passed away before we had another opportunity to see him.

Now, here’s where my anger starts to come into play :

His girlfriend didn’t let us know when he passed away.

We found out from my other uncle, Mike, two days later. (My Dad had 3 brothers. His eldest brother is my uncle Joe who just passed away. His youngest brother is my uncle Mike who let us know what happened.)

So my Mom called her and offered her condolences, asked how she was doing, told her that we’re here for her, and asked about the arrangements. My Mom also told her that Mike was the one who let us know about Joe.

She made the comment “there’s going to be a small ceremony, but only for immediate family.”

Which didn’t make sense to me or my Mom. We were both very close with my uncle Joe, we are family. So that comment seemed a bit… off?

But we dismissed it and instead talked to my uncle Mike.

We asked him to please keep us updated, since we wanted to pay our respects to my uncle Joe and our family.

Well… I don’t know what the Hell that lady said to my cousin (Joe’s son), but he told my uncle Mike not to tell us anything else.

That snake in the grass obviously ran back and told my cousin that we found out about Joe’s passing from Mike.

But uhh... We deserved to know.

Now, we literally just found out this morning that the ceremony was held yesterday. We weren't invited (the day/time wasn't publicly announced).

We were excluded. We were denied the opportunity to say our final goodbye.

I blame his girlfriend. Completely and entirely.

I especially find it super interesting that she didn’t attend the ceremony either… almost like she was afraid that we might possibly show up and confront her (which we would never do, purely out of respect for my uncle Joe)

When my uncle Mike told us, he apologized. But we told him that we don’t blame him, since we certainly didn’t want to put him in the middle of it.

It just pisses me the fuck off.

Bad enough she actively prevented us from seeing my uncle Joe, even on his “good” days. But then to keep us away from the ceremony too?

And she HAD to have fed my cousin a bunch of lies and bullshit to cause him to tell my uncle Mike not to inform us of anything. (Luckily for us, my uncle Mike loves to talk so he didn’t mind spilling the tea. He just felt guilty for not doing so sooner. But I understand why he waited, and I hold zero animosity towards him)

It’s especially confusing and upsetting since we always remained on good terms with all of my cousins.

We saw my cousins regularly, got along well with them, joked around with them.

Literally nothing that we did or didn’t do would warrant such a reaction from them.

If there was any fault on our end, I certainly wouldn’t be angry about this situation or waste my time typing this up. (I'm not the type of person who plays the victim, I admit when I'm wrong and own up to my faults/wrongdoings. That just isn't the case here.)

So it’s seriously a mystery to me… which is why I blame my uncle Joe’s girlfriend.

Absolutely nothing changed in the decades of knowing my uncle and his kids. Literally the only recent change was her coming into the picture.

(I also want blame my cousin, since he’s older than me and has a mind of his own… but I also know that he’s grieving the loss of his father, so I feel like that bitch took advantage of the situation to say whatever she wanted about us while my cousin is vulnerable and not thinking clearly/properly).

Regardless of the finer details…. I am absolutely livid.

It’s like a giant “fuck you” to us, like we aren’t good enough, like our feelings don’t matter.

And that pisses me off beyond belief.

I’m debating whether or not I should confront her.

On one hand, I probably should just let it go and move on.

But on the other hand… I want to play dumb, call her, and be like “How are you doing? Do you know when the ceremony is?“ just to see what she says.

And then tell her to go fuck herself.

Is that immature of me? Sure.

But I’m angry. Annoyed. Irritated. Fuming. My rage is boiling, my wrath is building. And I feel like exploding.

Needless to say… my Mom was right. That lady is a cunt. A toxic, festering, diabolical, oozing, gaping, pungent cunt.

If you’ve read up to this point, I genuinely apologize for dumping all of this off here.

I just needed to vent a bit.

I also owe everyone who has tagged me a HUGE thank you. You have all given me a much needed distraction from everything, plus I genuinely love being tagged.

So I will absolutely start posting/replying to those a little later (I've already started on them and have them saved in my drafts, I just want to finish them all and post everything at once lol)

#I might delete this later #I find comfort in the idea that Satan would be proud of my wrath/anger right now lol #all joking aside....#I have so much to say to her yet she's not worth the time or energy #I'm over the two-faced high school bullshit #maybe she likes drama but I don't #just another reason for me to hate people #it might be sad to say but....#... Tumblr is the only place where I can count on interacting with genuinely nice people #I just feel bad for being so damn dismissive/absent lately #I promise I'll make it up to you all #and thank you for being so patient with me 💙#nerdy talks #nerdy vents #nerdy rages #?#I am angry #personal #rest in peace uncle joe 💙

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sfnerdygirl · 1 year

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I am very close to just disappearing from this world.

New job, a twitter attack, overwhelming crippling anxiety and some PTSD: put that in a blender and you get me. I have never EVER even contemplated giving up on art since it's one of my relaxation methods and it brings a lot of people joy. After yesterday...I don't think I can draw anything again. How do people look at my art and go Yeah, your art is really good! it inspires me to want to draw!

I feel like giving up on everything at this point. I feel alone. I also feel like a punching bag or a doormat for others to just step on and beat up. What did I do to deserve that treatment?

#Nerdy vents

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howlerbat · 4 months

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it’s embarrassing how quickly I went from “oh this max jagerman dude straight up sucks” to having a shit eating grin on my face every time he appears in the musical. I was not immune to his vocals in Literal Monster. I was NOT immune to his choreography in DIRTY GIRL

#I know the show came out a WHILE ago but I just got here ok I need to vent #I see a character who calls himself a monster and I’m obsessed #when he sings ‘never look in the eyes a predator of my size’ and does that fuckin johnnny bravo pose?? why does it work so well???#npmd #nerdy prudes must die #max jagerman #will branner

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amorhedera6 · 5 months

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stephanie lauter may not be a nerd, but i’ve decided she’s still a fandom girlie bc im in control. she likes parks and recreation more than the office bc she doesn’t like cringe comedy, but she can appreciate the writing on the office. she listens to audiobooks while doing other things bc she can’t focus on physical books and she doesn’t like podcasts. true crime doesn’t scare her or put her on edge, but she thinks it’s unsettling to turn the people who were treated horribly into entertainment. she likes the hunger games for what it calls out in society and listens to the audiobooks often like a favorite song. she likes fleetwood mac, obviously, and 70s rock like that, but also 90s angry girl music. paramore, bikini kill. she likes sabrina carpenter and was willing to go down fighting all the people hating on her in the sour-era. she loves movie musicals. greatest showman, mamma mia!, grease. her favorite princess was always tiana and she will fight to the death about it. she likes history class the best, even if she isn’t the best in any of her classes, and was at one point in her life totally hyperfixated on the enlightenment and all the ideas they had and discussed. she loves art from the renaissance and can’t draw or paint at all. she did when she was a kid and her dad told her that they weren’t any good so she stopped. but she knows tons of art history fun facts. she watches video essays about tv shows and movies she’s never even watched. she loves letterboxd. she’s a cool girl but she still makes pinterest boards for her favorite movies.

#do you see the vision #ik the vent diagram is small here but basically steph is grantaire from les mis #like she has so much potential in different areas #but she’s gaslighted herself into thinking she’s worthless bc her father put her down for not immediately perfecting it #so now she thinks she has no purpose or skill #that she’s stupid #but it’s not true #shakes you be the shoulders so hard it’s not true #she’s got a great memory and fun facts for the ages #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #starkid #hatchetfield #stephanie lauter

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scaredofskeleons · 3 days

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Im so Max Jägerman

not explaining how but this is a vent post im so so so silly

#max jagerman #npmd #worlds vaugest vent #starkid npmd #nerdy prudes must die

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nerdierholler · 4 months

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For Andie and Mason - 10, 30, 37, 39?

These are some fun ones! Thank you!

10. Who plays with whose hair? If Mason is lounging on top of Andie, she'll play with his hair or if he's sitting down she might walk up behind him and twist a few strands with her fingertips as she looks over his shoulder to see what he's doing. Andie has really long hair and I'm not sure Mason knows what to do with that without his fingers getting awkwardly tangled so he doesn't try very often.

More below for length

30. Describe how one character would cheer the other up after a hard day. If Mason is having a bad day, Andie will drag him out for a walk or a hike, something in nature in a quiet spot. If they're stuck inside she's going to insist on a minimum 5 minute quiet, no complaining or wiggling snuggle to try and get him centered again.

Mason's just going to give her a big hug and rub circles onto her back (because he likes the way it relaxes her and makes her melt into him) She'll sigh and lean into it and ramble through what's bothering her just to get it all out. This is fine with Mason because he learns she doesn't want him to do a lot of talking, it's more about her venting. It was a little overwhelming the first couple of times though until he figured that out. When she seems relaxed again he'll suggest either sex or violence as a solution to make her laugh.

37. Who is more likely to avenge their S/O if they were hurt or killed? Mason, absolutely. If given the chance for revenge, Andie would take it and enjoy it, but she wouldn't necessarily go hunting the person down, especially if it was just an injury. Her focus would be on making sure he was alright. There are people way more capable than her to do the hunting.

39. Do they dance? If so, who’s better? I think before being turned Mason was a good dancer but he doesn't remember. Andie has some moves and on the odd occasion where Mason decides to join her (as an excuse to get close) he's surprisingly good at finding the rhythm and matching what she's doing, but it's rare for him to do that. He'd rather just watch.

#since mason likes Andie messing with his hair #he tried it on her and immediately realizes it's much harder #especially if her hair's been down for a while and not brushed #and she will 100% set a snuggle timer #when she says minimum 5 minutes she means it #if he gets up or starts complaining again #the timer resets #she does let him vent to get out as much as possible before #this is more to keep him from going in circles and working himself up too much #twc #andie byrne #life at nerdy holler

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nosleep83 · 8 months

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School’s starting tomorrow man I’m so nervous none of my friends are gonna be with me I ain’t gonna survive 😭😭😭😭😭

#don’t mind me venting on tumblr.com #I befriended like the only other nerdy kids at school and I’m not gonna be with any of them this shit ain’t fair #the pick me girls and sporty boys are gonna eat me alive goodbye

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nerdy-talks · 9 months

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That feeling when :

- someone you consider a good friend is quick to reach out to you every time they need to talk and vent, yet leave your messages on "read" when you need to talk.

- someone you think you're extremely close with avoids you for weeks at a time and then sends you spotty replies when they are around, yet expects an explanation if you don't respond back immediately to their messages.

- you begin questioning yourself, feeling like maybe there's something wrong with you, thinking you must be the problem even though you literally didn't say or do anything to warrant this kind of treatment.

- your depression and anxiety gets triggered and you slip back into a very dark place because now, despite trying to keep yourself from self-isolating like you have done in the past due to having abandonment issues from bad experiences, history is beginning to repeat itself all over again.

- you can't stop laughing (in disgust) despite feeling like you want and need to cry over all this

#then people wonder why I like yanderes #and why I immerse myself in fiction #because I have better friendships/relationships with fictional characters than I do with irl people #because fictional characters treat me better than supposed “friends” do #because yanderes wouldn't do this kind of shit #I'll take a toxic relationship over being mistreated and tossed aside #sorry i just need to vent #i just dont understand people and I feel like confronting them will only make it worse #I don't wanna be gaslighted like i have been in the past #will probably delete this later #nerdy vents #nerdy complains

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theamoristwriter · 1 year

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"Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?" says the girl (me) who never was pretty to even begin with! She was and always will be out of her mind; weird

#gilmore girls #girlhood #girlswhowrite #nerd humor #nerdy girls #exam season #college life #study problems #weird shit #text personal #venting #rant over #life rant #pretty #tumblr blog #tumblog #tumblrpost #justatext

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katyspersonal · 8 months

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I really hoped that I'll finally have real Christmas this year. In my country it is on Jan 7th instead of Dec 25th, and also I've never quite... vibed with it? It is different, and very underwhelming. I've first felt the spirit of Christmas exactly in foreign internets, like... That whole bright, kind, fun thing about sharing and happiness and appreciating what you've got and good will. I've been writing very heartfelt posts in Christmas spirit for years, and drawing art for the occasion. It just always surprised me how much a holiday could've been inspiring even despite me not even being affiliated with the religion.

But I really always wanted someone to celebrate it with. Like... to actually have a real person with me in the same house, to decorate together and to cook meals together and share the celebration. Additionally, with Halloween too, because it is definitely not a thing in my country - another holiday I am "celebrating online". When he crawled back to me, spilling his bad deluded lies about how he could not live without me and how badly he wanted to share everything there was in life with me, it felt so... apparent that we could meet this Christmas together, and maybe go trick-or-treating together. I just really want to dial back to enjoying imitations of holidays like I always have for many years, and forget those foolish hopes. The one time in my life I had not only hope for the better, but a faith that things would certainly get better, the bastard just took all his words and feelings back in like, two weeks. Because he "was not thinking straight in his despair" and "made a wrong decision". And could tell that sharing life with me was "a bad idea".

I should just never let my 'hope' become 'faith'. In a way, I am used to having my hopes crashed, it is just the story of my whole life, really. But crashed faith is something that can't be recovered.

#/vent #sorry for negativity recently #it is just so hard to hold back #my friends are also just too busy/distant/aren't online at the same time to vent in private #but i was specifically instructed by one of them to 'just let it all out' instead of withdrawing and doing something bad to myself #with alcohol or whatnot #i'll just go to bed crying and wake up my usual shitposty nerdy self okay?#and hopefully i'll enjoy illusions of holidays shared online with people that celebrate them this year too #and year after that and year after that and forever more...#until my stupid joke of a country cuts away access to civilized internet altogether lol #that or the world ends because with all the disasters it might be soon enough #it feels like a curse that all people that hurt me get good lives and happy ending #but i already said previously that it is just my role in this world #i am a videogame enemy you slay to level up.

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nerdicorntheshipper · 15 days

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Really wish I was better at expressing attraction. Like why does "I think ur hot and would be down if you wanted to make out" feel like a confession of my deepest darkest secrets. I just want to casually flirt with my friends, but my brain has convinced me that doing so will get me shot on sight.

#nerdi speaks #vent post

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ghosts-and-poetry · 4 months

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Pitied like a puppy,

Lonely and alone.

Aren't you tired of the down turned brows when people look at the pathetic you?

They can't just wave you off, despite how badly you annoy them, you have no one else.

You're so sad, you know?

No body wants you.

Not the teachers, not the students.

Not even your parents.

How sad is that?

Well thank them you unwanted piece of shit.

Thank them for allowing you to follow them.

Thank them for giving you 2 extra seconds of eye contact.

Thank them for not running you off.

You were spoiled this week, they asked you a question.

You've been acknowledged.

You get so excited.

Your tail wags.

Your eyes get big.

You wanna play.

You greedy bitch, you wanted more.

Now your kicked.

You got too loud.

Too excited.

Too rowdy.

They are all staring.

You shouldn't of let them see you happy.

Your name is shadow,

Follow them silently. Barely noticed, barely tolerated.

Your name is echo,

Laugh at their jokes but not for too long.

Never speak for yourself.

Pitiful puppy, don't you know?

Only the pretty puppies get a home.

And you are ugly.

You are broken.

Pitiful puppy, can't you hear the sound?

Ugly broken sick puppies get put down.

Make yourself useful.

Make yourself pretty.

Hide that pain.

Then maybe someone will want you,

Before society tires of you.

Pitied puppy, can't you see?

We are wanted by no one.

Just like me.

#my poem #my poetry #poetry #poem #poems on tumblr #pitied puppy #a person i used to idolize said he couldn't shue me off when we were younger #because no one else wanted me around them and i followed him like a pitiful little puppy #i thought we were friends and it broke my heart #he said he was glad he gave me a chance cause i was actually cool #but that dosent erase how painful it was #alot of my life ive spent quietly following people who made me happy because no one would ever approach me...#i would be alone all day and night if i didnt try to follow anyone who gave me a shred of happiness and decency #im autistic and very clearly mentally disabled most days #i cant hide it and due to liking nerdy things aka weird things #ive been very isolated #i notice i revert back to being a puppy sometimes #its just so easy to quietly follow those who tolerate me rather than face the rejection of waiting alone #Then being called obsessive or weird if i show even alittle bit of my interests #sorry for venting #im trying to fight the thought that i might be in one of those friendships again #they hurt so much whwn they leave and ignore me #whats the point of friends anymore #when they either leave or dont really care about it #i .. cant believe i just accidentally refered to myself as an it #like my bullies did ...#i should lrobably go to bed now

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