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#it might be sad to say but....
nerdy-talks · 6 months
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Warning : This post is going to be a very personal rage dump/rant.
There are heavy topics involved, including cancer and death. Also explicit language.
Out of consideration and respect to those of you who would prefer not to read it (since I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to), I will continue under the cut
Also pictures of my dogs, to break up the doom and gloom ^^"
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I absolutely despise, loathe, hate toxic people.
Especially when those toxic people are the “wolf in sheep’s clothing” type.
Especially when those people don’t have the fucking balls to confront others directly and just choose to slink about behind the scenes like scummy little vermin.
So… my uncle Joe passed away a few days ago.
It was expected. He had been battling pancreatic cancer, which ended up spreading into his liver and lungs.
With that being said, even though he will be dearly missed, at least he no longer has to suffer.
I was close with my uncle.
In fact, it’s no exaggeration to say that I was much closer to him than I was with my own father (my Dad was a permanent presence in my life up until the day he died, but we had an extremely tumultuous, dysfunctional, volatile, abusive relationship.)
We visited my uncle Joe regularly ever since I was a baby, all the way up until somewhat recently. He spent countless hours at our place throughout the years. He was super close with my parents, doing tons of outdoorsy activities with them. I spent a good amount of my childhood with his family. When his wife passed away, my parents helped him and supported him. He helped us move twice. My Mom took his kids places when she was just dating my Dad. When my Dad passed away, my uncle Joe was there for me without me even having to ask.
Literally everything was good between us, and always has been.
It’s also thanks to my uncle Joe that we gained a new furry member of our family last year, who we named Dandy 💙 my uncle’s dog had puppies, he asked how many we wanted, so we took one lol
(I’ll include a few poor quality pictures because… well, I should probably break up this message with a little “positivity”, right?)
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This was Dandy when he was still just a baby, 4 weeks and 3 days old.
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Look at the cute little potato 🥹
We visited my uncle Joe every week to see him grow and develop, anxiously waiting until he was old enough to bring home.
And this was the day he finally joined our family ~
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Look at how tiny he was compared to my one Black Lab (sorry for the terrible quality picture. Our carpets are old, but I swear they don't look that dingy ^^")
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And here's Dandy today, one year and five months later ~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway! Back to my rage-fueled rant :
My uncle Joe met someone about a year and a half ago, and she moved in with him pretty quickly.
Which certainly wasn't a bad thing. We were genuinely happy for him.
She seemed very nice, sweet, accepting, kind, receptive, and welcoming.
But for whatever reason, the dynamic changed the moment my uncle fell ill and the control landed in her hands.
Since my uncle Joe was sick, we all mutually decided that it would be best if communication was between my Mom/me and her (we would text her to check in to see how he was doing, as well as find out if/when it was a good time for us to visit)
This is where some inconsistencies started to appear.
For example :
She would tell us not to visit because my uncle was too sick (which was totally understandable!), but then would tell us a few days later how he was doing great and had fishing trips planned all week.
I 100% believed her at the time.
After all, everyone has both good and bad days.
But then when we would visit, my uncle Joe told us how he couldn’t fish anymore because the chemo was causing neuropathy in his hands, and he couldn’t hold his fishing pole or cast/reel the line in.
Though we just assumed he discovered those issues after she told us about those supposed fishing trips.
But the true eye-opener happened during our one visit. My uncle Joe welcomed us into his home, we talked, found out some updates about his health (which was declining), etc. He was open/transparent with us about everything.
When my uncle went to the bathroom during that visit, his girlfriend made the comment “I probably should have told you guys not to come here, since he’s in a lot of pain today.”
Knowing my uncle, I didn’t budge from my seat. I knew that if he wasn’t up for company, he wouldn't hesitate to tell us to leave.
And I’m glad we didn’t leave… because literally 10 minutes later, her granddaughter came waltzing in to visit her.
My uncle came out of the bathroom, sat on the sofa doubled over in pain as he was talking to me and my Mom (at this time, we asked him directly if we should leave, since we knew he was dealing with a lot and we didn't want to overstay our welcome. He told us not to leave, that we could stay because he felt like shit regardless).
But as he was sitting there, clearly in pain, his girlfriend and her granddaughter asked him to get up and carve a watermelon for them instead of doing it themselves.
What sense does that make?
'I should have told you guys to stay away, but I’m gonna make him strain himself and carve a watermelon for us even though he’s already suffering and struggling enough'
…. Okay. Fuck you too.
We obviously didn’t say anything. We just visited for a little while longer, then left with a friendly/cordial “goodbye, nice to see you again” to her and her granddaughter, told my uncle that we would be thinking about him and see him again, and wished them a good day.
Two and a half months passed before we heard from them again.
Why? Because she refused to answer our numerous calls and texts.
She deliberately ignored us, which actively prevented us from having an opportunity to see my uncle.
And she knew damn well that we wouldn’t just show up at my uncle’s house unannounced because we didn’t want to disturb him if he wasn’t feeling up for company.
We only got in contact with him again after he directly called our phone and left a message saying “hey, just checking in. I hope you’re both doing okay, since I haven’t heard from either of you in a while. Stop by when you can”.
So we went to his house.
When we explained the situation to my uncle Joe/passive aggressively confronted his girlfriend, her excuse was “oh, sorry. The reception here is bad so my phone was probably just acting up.”
For two and a half months?
Even though she was literally using her phone in front of us, which appeared to be working perfectly fine?
Even though she’s always on her phone every time we see her?
Even though she could have reached out to us, yet chose not to? Not even once in two and a half months??
I call bullshit.
My Mom even told her that she was on the verge of sending a text that said “okay, cunt.” since we thought she was ignoring us after not responding to our multiple texts/calls.
We all laughed it off as a joke, Joe's girlfriend even said “hahaha, I probably would have laughed if I got a text like that!” … but it most certainly was not a joke.
(My Mom is extremely outspoken and normally doesn’t hold back, especially when it counts. She’s the type of person you either love or hate, but she’s definitely one of a kind and the perfect example of a strong, independent woman who gives zero fucks lol)
Anyway, that visit went well. We behaved like usual, talked to both my uncle and his girlfriend normally, caught up on stuff, etc.
After that interaction, his girlfriend miraculously responded to every single call and text (bad reception, huh? Funny how she had zero service issues after we called her out in front of my uncle)
But basically every time we talked with her, she would say “it’s not a good time to come by, he’s really sick.”
And we would always respond with things like “we totally understand”, “thank you so much for letting us know”, “we wish there was something we could do to help”, “we’re here for you if you ever need anything or anyone to talk to since we know this also isn’t easy for you”, “we’ll check in next weekend”, “please take care of yourself”, “we’ll be thinking about you”, etc.
Then finally, my uncle Joe told us to stop up again two weeks ago. So we did.
He was extremely sick and remained in bed, but we said hello and he told us that we are more than welcome there and we could just visit with his girlfriend. So we did. The visit remained cordial and friendly.
The next day, my uncle called and apologized for not getting up when we were there.
We immediately told him that he has absolutely no reason to be sorry, that we completely and wholeheartedly understand, that we would understand even if he told us to leave the moment we arrived, and that we were keeping him in our thoughts.
The week after that, his girlfriend said he was too sick for company (which again, we obviously understood and thanked her for letting us know, wished them the best, etc).
We didn’t visit my uncle Joe after that. He passed away before we had another opportunity to see him.
Now, here’s where my anger starts to come into play :
His girlfriend didn’t let us know when he passed away.
We found out from my other uncle, Mike, two days later. (My Dad had 3 brothers. His eldest brother is my uncle Joe who just passed away. His youngest brother is my uncle Mike who let us know what happened.)
So my Mom called her and offered her condolences, asked how she was doing, told her that we’re here for her, and asked about the arrangements. My Mom also told her that Mike was the one who let us know about Joe.
She made the comment “there’s going to be a small ceremony, but only for immediate family.”
Which didn’t make sense to me or my Mom. We were both very close with my uncle Joe, we are family. So that comment seemed a bit… off?
But we dismissed it and instead talked to my uncle Mike.
We asked him to please keep us updated, since we wanted to pay our respects to my uncle Joe and our family.
Well… I don’t know what the Hell that lady said to my cousin (Joe’s son), but he told my uncle Mike not to tell us anything else.
That snake in the grass obviously ran back and told my cousin that we found out about Joe’s passing from Mike.
But uhh... We deserved to know.
Now, we literally just found out this morning that the ceremony was held yesterday. We weren't invited (the day/time wasn't publicly announced).
We were excluded. We were denied the opportunity to say our final goodbye.
I blame his girlfriend. Completely and entirely.
I especially find it super interesting that she didn’t attend the ceremony either… almost like she was afraid that we might possibly show up and confront her (which we would never do, purely out of respect for my uncle Joe)
When my uncle Mike told us, he apologized. But we told him that we don’t blame him, since we certainly didn’t want to put him in the middle of it.
It just pisses me the fuck off.
Bad enough she actively prevented us from seeing my uncle Joe, even on his “good” days. But then to keep us away from the ceremony too?
And she HAD to have fed my cousin a bunch of lies and bullshit to cause him to tell my uncle Mike not to inform us of anything. (Luckily for us, my uncle Mike loves to talk so he didn’t mind spilling the tea. He just felt guilty for not doing so sooner. But I understand why he waited, and I hold zero animosity towards him)
It’s especially confusing and upsetting since we always remained on good terms with all of my cousins.
We saw my cousins regularly, got along well with them, joked around with them.
Literally nothing that we did or didn’t do would warrant such a reaction from them.
If there was any fault on our end, I certainly wouldn’t be angry about this situation or waste my time typing this up. (I'm not the type of person who plays the victim, I admit when I'm wrong and own up to my faults/wrongdoings. That just isn't the case here.)
So it’s seriously a mystery to me… which is why I blame my uncle Joe’s girlfriend.
Absolutely nothing changed in the decades of knowing my uncle and his kids. Literally the only recent change was her coming into the picture.
(I also want blame my cousin, since he’s older than me and has a mind of his own… but I also know that he’s grieving the loss of his father, so I feel like that bitch took advantage of the situation to say whatever she wanted about us while my cousin is vulnerable and not thinking clearly/properly).
Regardless of the finer details…. I am absolutely livid.
It’s like a giant “fuck you” to us, like we aren’t good enough, like our feelings don’t matter.
And that pisses me off beyond belief.
I’m debating whether or not I should confront her.
On one hand, I probably should just let it go and move on.
But on the other hand… I want to play dumb, call her, and be like “How are you doing? Do you know when the ceremony is?“ just to see what she says.
And then tell her to go fuck herself.
Is that immature of me? Sure.
But I’m angry. Annoyed. Irritated. Fuming. My rage is boiling, my wrath is building. And I feel like exploding.
Needless to say… my Mom was right. That lady is a cunt. A toxic, festering, diabolical, oozing, gaping, pungent cunt.
If you’ve read up to this point, I genuinely apologize for dumping all of this off here.
I just needed to vent a bit.
I also owe everyone who has tagged me a HUGE thank you. You have all given me a much needed distraction from everything, plus I genuinely love being tagged.
So I will absolutely start posting/replying to those a little later (I've already started on them and have them saved in my drafts, I just want to finish them all and post everything at once lol)
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cozylittleartblog · 4 months
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worst way to start my new year, thanks. i have a lot of things to say about these companies but i'm tired and just keeping it focused to the pin side of things for this one. do not ever buy pins from these companies, literally ALL of them are stolen from small artists like me. if you want to buy enamel pins, check out etsy, and artist's personal websites and shops! (though even Etsy has some bootleg pins that ship straight from china, so tread carefully…)
Every pin I've designed is, thus far, EXCLUSIVE to my etsy. if you find it anywhere else, it's been ripped off! and once these stupid bootlegs pop up, it's basically a never ending game of whack-a-mole trying to get them all taken down...
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ratboysims · 8 months
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hold me closer poses 6 by ratboysims
• sorry for not posting in so long i'm sooo rusty but please enjoy these poses! i'm finally getting back into it expect more in the coming weeks... • 5 new couple poses inspired by pictures from my suggestions board, no theme just random ones i liked :-) • person a is slightly taller than person b! built in height difference baby! • how to use pose packs
↪ DOWNLOAD ON BLOGSPOT (no adf*y)
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atalana · 8 months
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so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with
but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."
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turbo-tsundere · 1 year
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Kokichisake-onna
*Happy anime narrator voice*: “And thus, Kokichi has once again successfully evaded the dread of emotional openness!”
Also here’s a random selection of derpy concept doodles for this comic :)
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Thank you byeeeeee
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t1koy-roll · 6 months
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Someone has to leave first.
(A Redraw from Issue 17-8)
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jade-len · 4 months
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i think it'd be funny if someone transmigrated as xin mo. the goddamn evil sword. instead of taking it seriously, they just really fucked around with bingge. and, somehow, ended up having the opposite effect of what it's supposedly rumored to do.
picture this: bingge, on the quest for revenge and power, comes across the almighty xin mo. this demonic sword killed everyone that dared to even try wielding it. and, the few who were lucky enough to have it by their side, eventually succumbed to the swords' will.
it is said that the sword is unlike any other, that it etches into your head and eats away your brain, until eventually it consumes you whole. it whispers, speaking in lust, greed, and hatred. it slowly beckons the wielder into giving in to the worst part of themselves and feeds off of pure sin. but to him, it is no matter; luo bingge will surely tame it.
and then he gets to the sword.
demonic qi practically oozes from xin mo. the aura surrounding it makes every part of luo bingge scream, "run; get away, away from that monster." his gut prods at him, begging bingge that this is probably a really bad idea. it's a little terrifying, how even luo bingge, the determined, vengeful demon, is now getting second thoughts about wielding xin mo from just being in its presence alone.
but luo bingge is too, a monster. so he ignores the screams of plea; pushing every thought of doubt in the back of his head, and tightly grips onto the handle. the world around him seems to spin and shake, tumble and crack, from the amount of force bingge needs to use in order to pull the sword of sin out of its place.
when bingge finally has it perfectly fit into the palms of his calloused hands, he hears whispering. he knows that the sword has accepted him as its new host.
the sword's language crawls up to him, as if it were feeling around his body and mind. checking every nook and cranny for it to settle into bingge's form, truly becoming one with the embodiment of sin. the words flow through his brain like a tragically broken guqin, a melody that holds him in a frighteningly familiar trance - all while simultaneously eating away at his brain in the worst ways possible, akin to a child and their favorite snack. it seems to beckon something, but even with luo bingge's impressive hearing, he cannot make out any words from the tone-deaf musical notes xin mo sings.
and then, it is clear. the land around him settles, and everything is still. xin mo itself seems to be.. content. at least, that is what luo bingge believes.
the language of this wretched sword reflects the state around these two monsters.
luo bingge expects it to demand for bloodshed, for the erotic ecstasy of multiple women, for bingge to steal the last of the finest gems of these horrible, vast lands.
instead, he hears this:
"yoooo damn that shit was crazy. did you see what i did there? man, you know, it feels so fucking good to get out of the dirt. hey, do you know if people can like, feed their swords or something? i'm kinda craving something spicy. we never know, in this wack world! wait, don't hold me like that, buddy. it'll make things real awkward."
but luo bingge is determined to get his revenge, so he puts up with the swords' constant rambling about.. whatever the hell it's thinking.
"wait, dude, did you seriously fuck a dying girl? that's wild. yeah, like i know she was dying but it doesn't sound like you wanted it. yo, listen to me, consent is very sexy."
"HAHA hey, dude, sir, man. you wanna play some 'i spy'? we don't have anything else to do. no? too bad, we're playing it. i spy a loser who doesn't wanna play i spy. hint: he's holding me right now."
"okay i know i'm supposed to be this super evil sword and beg to be used - woah that sounded real wrong - but can you at least clean me when you're done killing shit? if you don't, i'm gonna refuse to respond to you and you'll look like a dumbass trying to wield me."
"i can't hear you lalalalalalala you're not being very it girl right now lallalalaalalalla-"
somehow, this is worse than if xin mo was actually eating away at his brain.
weirdly enough though, as luo bingge starts spending more time with this weird ass, seemingly possessed sword, it starts to become more of a.. comfort to have it by his side than pure annoyance. he finds himself responding to it more, like, actually having full on conversations with it. it puts him at ease, wielding xin mo. the hatred doesn't consume him, instead, it seems to soothe the burning rage (and, admittedly, just replace it with small irritation) that holds onto his darkened heart.
xin mo is actually quite kind and caring, for a sword that's supposed represent and be the literal embodiment of sin. sure, it is a hassle to have it cooperate with him sometimes, and it does just ramble on and on about the most random things ever, not giving a single shit if bingge was in the middle of sleeping with maidens and slaying those who get in his way. for the first time, bingge feels so comfortable around something.
it's.. odd. what was supposed to be the turning point in his life, a big step in his plan for revenge, is now something akin to an... acquaintance. not like mobei-jun, or any of the women he's come across, but an actual, dare he say, friend.
sometimes, he finds himself thinking all of this delusional. is this what people were driven mad by? perhaps they simply could not handle dealing with a talking sword. he understands that xin mo was undoubtedly unbearable to be around at the beginning of their alliance, but it has never actually beckoned for blood, power, and sex. if anything, it does the opposite.
maybe he's the delusional one. maybe this is xin mo's way of getting to him.
maybe, xin mo should be considered a thing. the thought feels terribly laughable, as if he were witnessing a person horribly explain themselves. it also makes his teeth grind together in pure agitation.
"hey, you know, you didn't deserve any of the things they did. it wasn't your fault, binghe. the fact that you're half heavenly demon doesn't make you a monster, or any of that wild stuff.. uh, i'm here for you, okay? i know you don't really like talking about all of this or opening up, but i just want you to know that you can.. talk about it. it's not like i can tell anyone else, anyways.
hey- shit i didn't mean to make you cry! wait, wait it's okay to cry! you need to let it out anyways, i promise it doesn't make you weak. there, there. i don't have any hands, so me patting you on the head with my handle will have to do. there, there.. everything will be alright, you'll be okay. i'll be here every step of the way, even if you want to get rid of me."
xin mo, the demonic sword, is more of a person - a good person - than anyone he'd ever come across.
...and then bingge and the xin mo transmigrator become besties or he falls for the damn sword. knowing him, he probably doesn't even know the difference between platonic and romantic attraction anyways. maybe bingge gets a plant body for xin mo using airplane's wack writing. idk i typed all of this down in one sitting.
(plot twist: it's not that the transmigrator xin mo had the opposite effect, it was literally just a placebo effect. luo bingge thought that, and thus it actually did help him lmao)
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finelinens · 11 months
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choosing where to grab some lunch on the boardwalk
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schrodingers-slut · 3 months
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Roger being included in so many ‘deadbeat dads of one piece’ lineups is always so fucking funny to me. The man died. He didn’t abandon his kid so much as his pulse abandoned his body.
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kakyogay · 8 months
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just remembered I drew this so uh yeah
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aftermath of this
to not fucking die, he's connected to an outside power source. His rarefraction cell needs some repairs and the walls that surrounded it need to be purged of rot and fixed.
internal rot is removed and cut off away from vitals.
For external rot, there are patches with a stronger treatment thing. I'm thinking something spore puff related but that's cause backwards through the snow put thoughts in my brain. It's really just a stronger version of the ointment previously used for treatment. it's either this or straight up replacing it.
To conserve power, no pupils and limited movement. Water is also sent through the tube in the back to keep his systems from overheating.
the logic is lowkey bullshit but it's whatever. Making the iterators modern is much less logical than off the string aus.
also an extra couple of doodles because yes
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obviously it's much more serious than this but idk writing hard
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slythereen · 7 months
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charles being cunty and diabolical on social media over a padel victory… we are actively being robbed of the glorious chaos of a charles and max title fight. ferrari count your days
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theriverbeyond · 1 year
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thinking more about John and.... at the end of HtN when he was interogating Wake, she wanted him to say her name. "i'll be dammed if i pass up the chance to hear you speak the words" and "they're dead words, a human chain reaching back ten thousand years": Awake Remembrance of These Valiant Dead Kia Hua Ko Te Pai Snap Back to Reality Oops There Goes Gravity.
and then she asks him "how did they make you feel?" and of course, John deflects.
but that's Aotearoa's national anthem in te reo Māori. and as we learn in NtN, John is Maori. that's his anthem. how must have that felt, to John? to hear his own anthem claimed by someone descended from the people who left his earth to die?
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corrodedcoughin · 1 year
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some thoughts about Steddie and blowing kisses
It started as all things do with them, as a joke. He doesn't know when it started but it did, as part of his routine when he leaves Robin he blows her a kiss. Just a touch of his fingers to his mouth and a wave of his hand. Nothing elaborate. And Robin's response is equally routine, pretends to grab it and stick it in her shirt pocket.
Everyone is used to it, nothing new, just part of their relationship. Eddie is hanging out at family video with them both when Steve goes to take his break outside, desperate for some fresh air after being stuck in the stuffy store. As he is heading out the door, he sends Robin a kiss, she puts up her hand to catch it and that's when the routine changes. Eddie vaults over a display table of tapes and mimes grabbing the kiss and eating it. He’s like a wild animal, snorting and snuffling crouched on the ground, looking up at Steve when he's finished with a deranged smile
'Thanks for that Stevie, I was starving.'
Both Robin and Steve are trying so desperately not to laugh but they can't help it, Steve stumbles out the front door with a 'what the fuck' coming out between the gasps for air and Robin is applauding Eddie from inside the store. Eddie obviously gives a dramatic and over the top bow.
Eddie is involved in the kiss routine from then on and the response is always a surprise. Steve has witnessed his air kisses being hit by an imaginary bat achieving a home run with Eddie doing a victory lap around the parking lot, being clutched out of the air and stuffed in Eddie's back pocket 'for later', caught in Eddie's hands and let out the window like an unwanted insect, inhaled in like a hoover, cowered against and fought like it was a life threatening dragon 'Sir Steve, Lady Buckley stay close! I will slay the beast!'
They escalate and escalate until one day Eddie is standing next to Steve when he blows the kiss. Steve anticipates his response, he'd be lying if he said he's now only really blowing these kisses to see what Eddie will do, see the smile it brings to the other boy's face and tries to push down the butterflies in his own stomach when Eddie sends a wink to Steve at the end of the performance. This time though? Eddie pretends to grab the kiss out of the air, places it to his cheek, with a blush creeping up from his neck and leans forward. He leans and lets his lips brush Steve's cheek in return. Steve is frozen solid, trying desperately not to let his legs buckle in surprise and feels Eddie smile as he whispers 'figured I better start returning these. think I've got a lot to make up for.'
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sweetpumpkinmouse · 6 months
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N is not having a fun time.
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ghcstao3 · 6 months
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omg swan lake ghostsoap au
ghost, cursed by roba, is forced to take shape of a swan every day for the rest of his life, only able to return to his human form at night, so long as the curse remains unbroken.
prince soap, who doesn’t want to choose a suitor from a selection of people he feels nothing for, fleeing from a ball and coming across ghost one night, this man that transforms from swan to human, and falling in love at first sight.
soap making a vow to break ghost’s curse if it’s the last thing he does. him returning night after night to visit ghost, and him then being tricked by roba and nearly incidentally killing the swan prince as a cause of falling for the warlock’s manipulations.
but in the end, soap and ghost’s love being powerful enough to break the spell and kill roba, finally freeing ghost after so long to be with soap how he’s so desperately wanted to from the start. happily ever after because they deserve it at least a few universes :)
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kaibascorpse · 3 months
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i may be hung for saying this but honestly when a transmasc/man starts championing for why transandrophobia isn’t real it gives a very “pick-me” or “nice guy” kind of vibe. like ooh you can trust me i’m not like those other evil misogynistic trans men who think men are oppressed! and i think it really reflects the internalized transandrophobia that they feel they have to denounce other trans men for the crime of uhh *checks notes* using words to talk about our experiences
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