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nerdy-talks · 6 months

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Warning : This post is going to be a very personal rage dump/rant.

There are heavy topics involved, including cancer and death. Also explicit language.

Out of consideration and respect to those of you who would prefer not to read it (since I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to), I will continue under the cut

Also pictures of my dogs, to break up the doom and gloom ^^"

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I absolutely despise, loathe, hate toxic people.

Especially when those toxic people are the “wolf in sheep’s clothing” type.

Especially when those people don’t have the fucking balls to confront others directly and just choose to slink about behind the scenes like scummy little vermin.

So… my uncle Joe passed away a few days ago.

It was expected. He had been battling pancreatic cancer, which ended up spreading into his liver and lungs.

With that being said, even though he will be dearly missed, at least he no longer has to suffer.

I was close with my uncle.

In fact, it’s no exaggeration to say that I was much closer to him than I was with my own father (my Dad was a permanent presence in my life up until the day he died, but we had an extremely tumultuous, dysfunctional, volatile, abusive relationship.)

We visited my uncle Joe regularly ever since I was a baby, all the way up until somewhat recently. He spent countless hours at our place throughout the years. He was super close with my parents, doing tons of outdoorsy activities with them. I spent a good amount of my childhood with his family. When his wife passed away, my parents helped him and supported him. He helped us move twice. My Mom took his kids places when she was just dating my Dad. When my Dad passed away, my uncle Joe was there for me without me even having to ask.

Literally everything was good between us, and always has been.

It’s also thanks to my uncle Joe that we gained a new furry member of our family last year, who we named Dandy 💙 my uncle’s dog had puppies, he asked how many we wanted, so we took one lol

(I’ll include a few poor quality pictures because… well, I should probably break up this message with a little “positivity”, right?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was Dandy when he was still just a baby, 4 weeks and 3 days old.

Look at the cute little potato 🥹

We visited my uncle Joe every week to see him grow and develop, anxiously waiting until he was old enough to bring home.

And this was the day he finally joined our family ~

Look at how tiny he was compared to my one Black Lab (sorry for the terrible quality picture. Our carpets are old, but I swear they don't look that dingy ^^")

And here's Dandy today, one year and five months later ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway! Back to my rage-fueled rant :

My uncle Joe met someone about a year and a half ago, and she moved in with him pretty quickly.

Which certainly wasn't a bad thing. We were genuinely happy for him.

She seemed very nice, sweet, accepting, kind, receptive, and welcoming.

But for whatever reason, the dynamic changed the moment my uncle fell ill and the control landed in her hands.

Since my uncle Joe was sick, we all mutually decided that it would be best if communication was between my Mom/me and her (we would text her to check in to see how he was doing, as well as find out if/when it was a good time for us to visit)

This is where some inconsistencies started to appear.

For example :

She would tell us not to visit because my uncle was too sick (which was totally understandable!), but then would tell us a few days later how he was doing great and had fishing trips planned all week.

I 100% believed her at the time.

After all, everyone has both good and bad days.

But then when we would visit, my uncle Joe told us how he couldn’t fish anymore because the chemo was causing neuropathy in his hands, and he couldn’t hold his fishing pole or cast/reel the line in.

Though we just assumed he discovered those issues after she told us about those supposed fishing trips.

But the true eye-opener happened during our one visit. My uncle Joe welcomed us into his home, we talked, found out some updates about his health (which was declining), etc. He was open/transparent with us about everything.

When my uncle went to the bathroom during that visit, his girlfriend made the comment “I probably should have told you guys not to come here, since he’s in a lot of pain today.”

Knowing my uncle, I didn’t budge from my seat. I knew that if he wasn’t up for company, he wouldn't hesitate to tell us to leave.

And I’m glad we didn’t leave… because literally 10 minutes later, her granddaughter came waltzing in to visit her.

My uncle came out of the bathroom, sat on the sofa doubled over in pain as he was talking to me and my Mom (at this time, we asked him directly if we should leave, since we knew he was dealing with a lot and we didn't want to overstay our welcome. He told us not to leave, that we could stay because he felt like shit regardless).

But as he was sitting there, clearly in pain, his girlfriend and her granddaughter asked him to get up and carve a watermelon for them instead of doing it themselves.

What sense does that make?

'I should have told you guys to stay away, but I’m gonna make him strain himself and carve a watermelon for us even though he’s already suffering and struggling enough'

…. Okay. Fuck you too.

We obviously didn’t say anything. We just visited for a little while longer, then left with a friendly/cordial “goodbye, nice to see you again” to her and her granddaughter, told my uncle that we would be thinking about him and see him again, and wished them a good day.

Two and a half months passed before we heard from them again.

Why? Because she refused to answer our numerous calls and texts.

She deliberately ignored us, which actively prevented us from having an opportunity to see my uncle.

And she knew damn well that we wouldn’t just show up at my uncle’s house unannounced because we didn’t want to disturb him if he wasn’t feeling up for company.

We only got in contact with him again after he directly called our phone and left a message saying “hey, just checking in. I hope you’re both doing okay, since I haven’t heard from either of you in a while. Stop by when you can”.

So we went to his house.

When we explained the situation to my uncle Joe/passive aggressively confronted his girlfriend, her excuse was “oh, sorry. The reception here is bad so my phone was probably just acting up.”

For two and a half months?

Even though she was literally using her phone in front of us, which appeared to be working perfectly fine?

Even though she’s always on her phone every time we see her?

Even though she could have reached out to us, yet chose not to? Not even once in two and a half months??

I call bullshit.

My Mom even told her that she was on the verge of sending a text that said “okay, cunt.” since we thought she was ignoring us after not responding to our multiple texts/calls.

We all laughed it off as a joke, Joe's girlfriend even said “hahaha, I probably would have laughed if I got a text like that!” … but it most certainly was not a joke.

(My Mom is extremely outspoken and normally doesn’t hold back, especially when it counts. She’s the type of person you either love or hate, but she’s definitely one of a kind and the perfect example of a strong, independent woman who gives zero fucks lol)

Anyway, that visit went well. We behaved like usual, talked to both my uncle and his girlfriend normally, caught up on stuff, etc.

After that interaction, his girlfriend miraculously responded to every single call and text (bad reception, huh? Funny how she had zero service issues after we called her out in front of my uncle)

But basically every time we talked with her, she would say “it’s not a good time to come by, he’s really sick.”

And we would always respond with things like “we totally understand”, “thank you so much for letting us know”, “we wish there was something we could do to help”, “we’re here for you if you ever need anything or anyone to talk to since we know this also isn’t easy for you”, “we’ll check in next weekend”, “please take care of yourself”, “we’ll be thinking about you”, etc.

Then finally, my uncle Joe told us to stop up again two weeks ago. So we did.

He was extremely sick and remained in bed, but we said hello and he told us that we are more than welcome there and we could just visit with his girlfriend. So we did. The visit remained cordial and friendly.

The next day, my uncle called and apologized for not getting up when we were there.

We immediately told him that he has absolutely no reason to be sorry, that we completely and wholeheartedly understand, that we would understand even if he told us to leave the moment we arrived, and that we were keeping him in our thoughts.

The week after that, his girlfriend said he was too sick for company (which again, we obviously understood and thanked her for letting us know, wished them the best, etc).

We didn’t visit my uncle Joe after that. He passed away before we had another opportunity to see him.

Now, here’s where my anger starts to come into play :

His girlfriend didn’t let us know when he passed away.

We found out from my other uncle, Mike, two days later. (My Dad had 3 brothers. His eldest brother is my uncle Joe who just passed away. His youngest brother is my uncle Mike who let us know what happened.)

So my Mom called her and offered her condolences, asked how she was doing, told her that we’re here for her, and asked about the arrangements. My Mom also told her that Mike was the one who let us know about Joe.

She made the comment “there’s going to be a small ceremony, but only for immediate family.”

Which didn’t make sense to me or my Mom. We were both very close with my uncle Joe, we are family. So that comment seemed a bit… off?

But we dismissed it and instead talked to my uncle Mike.

We asked him to please keep us updated, since we wanted to pay our respects to my uncle Joe and our family.

Well… I don’t know what the Hell that lady said to my cousin (Joe’s son), but he told my uncle Mike not to tell us anything else.

That snake in the grass obviously ran back and told my cousin that we found out about Joe’s passing from Mike.

But uhh... We deserved to know.

Now, we literally just found out this morning that the ceremony was held yesterday. We weren't invited (the day/time wasn't publicly announced).

We were excluded. We were denied the opportunity to say our final goodbye.

I blame his girlfriend. Completely and entirely.

I especially find it super interesting that she didn’t attend the ceremony either… almost like she was afraid that we might possibly show up and confront her (which we would never do, purely out of respect for my uncle Joe)

When my uncle Mike told us, he apologized. But we told him that we don’t blame him, since we certainly didn’t want to put him in the middle of it.

It just pisses me the fuck off.

Bad enough she actively prevented us from seeing my uncle Joe, even on his “good” days. But then to keep us away from the ceremony too?

And she HAD to have fed my cousin a bunch of lies and bullshit to cause him to tell my uncle Mike not to inform us of anything. (Luckily for us, my uncle Mike loves to talk so he didn’t mind spilling the tea. He just felt guilty for not doing so sooner. But I understand why he waited, and I hold zero animosity towards him)

It’s especially confusing and upsetting since we always remained on good terms with all of my cousins.

We saw my cousins regularly, got along well with them, joked around with them.

Literally nothing that we did or didn’t do would warrant such a reaction from them.

If there was any fault on our end, I certainly wouldn’t be angry about this situation or waste my time typing this up. (I'm not the type of person who plays the victim, I admit when I'm wrong and own up to my faults/wrongdoings. That just isn't the case here.)

So it’s seriously a mystery to me… which is why I blame my uncle Joe’s girlfriend.

Absolutely nothing changed in the decades of knowing my uncle and his kids. Literally the only recent change was her coming into the picture.

(I also want blame my cousin, since he’s older than me and has a mind of his own… but I also know that he’s grieving the loss of his father, so I feel like that bitch took advantage of the situation to say whatever she wanted about us while my cousin is vulnerable and not thinking clearly/properly).

Regardless of the finer details…. I am absolutely livid.

It’s like a giant “fuck you” to us, like we aren’t good enough, like our feelings don’t matter.

And that pisses me off beyond belief.

I’m debating whether or not I should confront her.

On one hand, I probably should just let it go and move on.

But on the other hand… I want to play dumb, call her, and be like “How are you doing? Do you know when the ceremony is?“ just to see what she says.

And then tell her to go fuck herself.

Is that immature of me? Sure.

But I’m angry. Annoyed. Irritated. Fuming. My rage is boiling, my wrath is building. And I feel like exploding.

Needless to say… my Mom was right. That lady is a cunt. A toxic, festering, diabolical, oozing, gaping, pungent cunt.

If you’ve read up to this point, I genuinely apologize for dumping all of this off here.

I just needed to vent a bit.

I also owe everyone who has tagged me a HUGE thank you. You have all given me a much needed distraction from everything, plus I genuinely love being tagged.

So I will absolutely start posting/replying to those a little later (I've already started on them and have them saved in my drafts, I just want to finish them all and post everything at once lol)

#I might delete this later #I find comfort in the idea that Satan would be proud of my wrath/anger right now lol #all joking aside....#I have so much to say to her yet she's not worth the time or energy #I'm over the two-faced high school bullshit #maybe she likes drama but I don't #just another reason for me to hate people #it might be sad to say but....#... Tumblr is the only place where I can count on interacting with genuinely nice people #I just feel bad for being so damn dismissive/absent lately #I promise I'll make it up to you all #and thank you for being so patient with me 💙#nerdy talks #nerdy vents #nerdy rages #?#I am angry #personal #rest in peace uncle joe 💙

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wenellyb · 3 years

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Is Sambucky Canon or Not?

TL;DR: Yes, it is

I've seen some people saying that they only see friendship between Sam and Bucky, and I can understand that. Because depending on your education, the environment you grew up and the kind of media you’re usually exposed to, you will have a different interpretation of different situations, in real life or in TV. Just let me insert a short story before I dive into the Sambucky topic:

My best friend's uncle is in his fifties and has been living with his roommate (a man) for more than 10 years. They lived together, went on holidays together but officially were just roommates. My best friend wondered if they were a couple, but never talked about it to her parents because it wasn't her business. Two years ago, they decided to come out and get married. My best friend's parents and his parents were genuinely surprised, they were not expecting that, at all, not even a little bit. Let me tell you that it didn’t even cross their mind that it was a possibility, at all. For them, it had always just been two men who had decided to live together because they were single. And preferred to have a roommate rather than living alone.

What I want to say with this story is that people will see what they want to see, or what they're used to see, or what they were raised to see. It’s human.

What I mean is that you will have different perception of a same event, depending on your own circumstances. And I think the writers of TFATWS were counting on that a little bit when it came to Sam and Bucky’s relationship. They obviously didn't want to make some big announcement or big love declaration.

And yes, of course, I have my own circumstances as well, influencing the way I see things. I have shipped SamBucky since Civil War, when they were supposedly enemies. I never expected anything to happen between them on screen. But then they got a show together and I was so so happy about it but I didn't expect anything other than friendship between them.

I was perfectly fine with that because a show was already more than enough: my man Sam Wilson was becoming Captain America, the show was great, the characters were great, their interactions were great, and this wasn't a love story anyway but a superhero show. I thought that here was no way the showrunners would ever go there. I changed my mind after episode 5. I tried to stay objective, but it was clear to me that the writers were hinting at a relationship that went beyond friendship between Sam and Bucky. In some of my previous posts, I explained that there are some scenes and writing choices that make absolutely no sense if you read them as a scene between two friends. I can link them if anyone’s interested.

Side note: I would like to know if one person on this website can tell me what was up with Bucky's behavior with Torres (in episode 5)? What other explanation is there, if not jealousy? It's a scene they chose to keep, so it was probably written this way, there must be a reason. Please I’m begging someone explain it to me. I'm genuinely asking, because otherwise that scene alone is canon Sambucky.

After episode 5, I was convinced they would make Sambucky canon, one way or the other and I started speculating about the ways they could do it. What I said was that if they did make Sambucky canon, they would do it in a very subtle way, in order not to make it too obvious because that’s generally how Marvel movies deal with love stories. And also because they wouldn’t want to scare away their homophobic audience ( I guess Disney needs their money...who knows)

So here are the scenes of how I imagined SamBucky becoming canon and the comparison with reality:

- What I thought we could get : AJ and Cass calling Bucky "Uncle Bucky" - What we got: AJ and Cass running up to Bucky and playing with him. This point is interesting because it’s also related to the point I made about how the environment you grew up in influences your perception of things. I grew up in a big family and I know that, at least in my family, kids don't run up to an adult like that just because it's their uncle’s friend or just because he's nice... There's a real bond there. They haven't seen Bucky just that one time when he slept on the couch. They're obviously close. But some people might just see this as kids being kids. Also, if you watch at how the kids were fake punching him, they were really coordinated with Bucky. They have done this plenty of times. 2.

What I thought we could see: A non-explicit scene where we were supposed to draw our own conclusions. I thought they could show us Bucky staying over for the night, and the last scene would be an empty couch, meaning we would have to understand that Bucky slept in Sam's room this time.

-What we got: Bucky arriving in Sam's car ( A few people on Tumblr pointed out that it was the car Sam was driving in episode 1) So here again we have a scene that a lot of people will not notice. But they still chose to put it there. 3.

What I thought could happen: Sam asking Bucky to stay in Delacroix

What we got: Bucky wrapping things up in New York, as if he was leaving the city for good and coming to Sam's party as if he already knew everyone there. You can read my take on this here. 4. What I thought could happen: The scene in the trailer where we see them looking in the same direction and then we get a shot from very far away where they're holding hands but it’s not so obvious because they are being filmed from a disctance. -What we got: The scene in trailer and then a blurry shot of Sam holding Bucky and then fondling with his neck to find the best spot to rest his hand on. So none of the scenes I was imagining happened exactly like I had imagined, but it felt like all of them happened but in a different versions, which is still crazy to me. If it had been only one scene. I could probably understand the people who see them as just friends. Actually, I still do understand the people who see them as just friends, because everyone has their own interpretation. What I am saying is that they are NOT being portrayed as just friends. There are TOO many scenes in the 6 episodes for it to be a coincidence. One or 2 would be ok but friendship doesn’t explain everything:

The therapy scene (not the therapy scene itself since it was improvised) but the therapist saying she had heard a lot about Sam and wanting them to do a couples’ therapy

Bucky following Sam no matter what

Sam saying ok as soon as Bucky says "do it for me"

Sam asking "what about Bucky?"

Bucky starting to touch Sam whenever he has the chance

Bucky being the one to bringing the suit for Sam

The boat repairing montage

Bucky wanting to stay at Sam's place, when a hotel room would have been more comfortable than a couch

The second day of boat repair in closed quarters with an intense staring scene.

And there are so many other scenes, soft touches, looks,...

These writing choices are not a coincidence, it’s not involuntary, and it’s not fan service ( Fan service is the roll in the flower field scene, or the therapy session). This is them telling a story.

Let’s not even talk about the scenes in Endgame:

Sam comforting bucky at Tony’s funeral

Sam looking up to Bucky for approval before accepting the shield from Steve.

So yes, Sam and Bucky are canon in the sense that Peter and Gamora were canon in the first movie, or Wanda and Vision were canon in Captain Civil War. Meaning that there was no big moment, kiss or anything, but the show is consistently throwing elements clearly showing Sam and Bucky as a romantic item and hinting at a lot more than friendship between them.

It is normal that some people have a different opinion. Because it is extremely rare, in big productions like this to have two male leads with romantic feelings towards each other, so not a lot people who see it will interpret it as such (I don't think it ever happened). You’ll see what you’re used to seeing.

I guess it also depends on what you expect from a love story. For me, the storyline between the characters, their scenes, their chemistry, the way their feelings towards each other are described, are the most important. The kiss scene is just there as a bonus, but I don't need it when the love story is told perfectly. If you’re used to seeing love stories with many kissing scenes, that’s what you will be expecting to see in most love stories.

If you're only used to seeing male friendships in superhero or action movies. The 1000th time you see men interacting in that type of movie or show, you are more likely to assume it is a friendship and nothing more, no matter how many codes and tropes usually associated with romantic movies, the writers and show makers are using.

Add to that the conviction that Disney would never approve Sambucky in a million years, and there you go, I can understand the people who see only friendship.

But, just think about it, if we had the same show, same scenes, same dialogues, but minus the action scenes and the project was being marketed as an Indie movie, would you think they were just friends or a blossoming couple?

If you read Sambucky’s relationship like a friendship: some scenes don't make sense. If you read it like a developing romantic relationship: it all makes sense. "When you hear hoofs, think horse, not zebra" If a writer or a film director chooses a last scene with a romantic setting and the two leads are staring at a sunset, smiling repeatedly at each other and then walking away together with one of them touching the other's neck, with a love song in the background, maybe friendship isn't the first thought they had in mind.

Some people may say “I see them as just friends” and other people may say “ I see them as lovers” and both are fine, because people have different perceptions, and that’s ok.

What I am saying is this post is that the show and the writers are portraying them as more than just friends, they’re portraying them as two characters who are romantically involved.

Perceive what you want but that’s how they are being presented in the show.

Bucky’s therapist said that the exercise she gave them was for couples who want to figure out what kind of life they want to build together. Then, the show ends with Sam and Bucky, staring at a sunset together, looking in the same direction.

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. “ - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

What else do you need???

This show had more romance than half of the Marvel projects out there. Not every love story needs a kiss (for now...)

We'll see in their next projects which direction the writers want to go with this. But since it was said that the writer on the movie is the same as the writer from episode 5, there's no doubt in my mind that we'll keep seeing this dynamic. I don't think they would have made the same choices if this had been a movie. But I won't complain that we got this. I hope they keep this going even if it stays subtle like in the show. Just hope they will add one explicit scene where one of the characters acknowledges their relationship. But even if we only ever get this show, it’s already a great love story. Let me know what you guys think and sorry for the typos and grammar mistakes, I was tired when I wrote the last part. I hope it still makes sense!

If you think they're only being portrayed as friends let me know why! I would also like to know about the way you see this!

#sambucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws spoilers #Please feel free to comment on this and tell me what you think #I'm genuinely interested in having other POVs

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johns-prince · 3 years

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John also had a lovely mix of masculine and feminine physical traits, though this wouldn't become obvious until 1968. When he was on the skinny side (which I loved, sue me) you could tell how beautifully delicate and dainty his bone structure was, way more than Paul's imo. He had those gorgeous long legs and graceful narrow hips that you most commonly find in fashion models. And I love that until at least 1975, he showcased his body beautifully, especially those legs.

Ironically I feel as if people didn't embrace John's femme beauty as well as they did with Paul. I don't know why. Most people seem to prefer him with the more masculine look of 1966. Which was great as well, he was gorgeous but I am a big fan of the 1968 to 1974 run. Btw, note to fanfic writers: please, show John's body some love, I know Paul is stunning but it's kind of exhausting reading 10 pages about how pretty he is and when it comes to my boy John he barely gets a paragraph 😂

Alright, I feel like I’m probably gonna rub a lot of people in this fandom the wrong way with what I’m going to say but this is my blog and you did send this to my inbox so here we go; At the end of the days these are my thoughts and feelings and I might not articulate them very well or I often ramble till I do!

I have my issues, and a complicated relationship with 1968-70s John Lennon. I love John, and thought him healthy and just right in his body type, basically up until 1968, and it’s spotty onward throughout the 70s. To me, John was naturally masculine looking, there’s not exactly an era or year that I could give you like you gave me [Specifically 1966? What about his teddy boy days? All of the early 60s? Hell even throughout the 70s, to me John still was masculine looking to me] He was a bit awkward in his teenhood, but all the boys were, and gradually grew into his adult body. Boy was built and sturdy, naturally thick and strong.

So we’re probably split on this, because while you see the positives in 1968-1974/70s John, I only really see the negatives. You say skinny, I say malnourished and/or sickly. Depressed druggie who was pushing everyone and everything he loved away, and becoming pathetically dependent on an individual like Yoko [and the other vultures during that time who were terrible influences]

George was skinny, John was not well and either starving himself or simply using drugs and alcohol as the basis for his diet. And diets.. don’t even get me started on that, the diets he was on, the unhealthy lifestyle that his wife only seemed to enable and help him get on.

When I look at George, sometimes I get the need to feed him, like an old Mexican mother. When I look at John, who’d lost an unhealthy amount of weight for what it looked like for his body type, I don’t see delicate and dainty bone structure. I see a man who just, he’s not well, something’s wrong.

I’ll give it to you that 1974 New York photoshoot looked very nice, he had muscle again in his arms, though he was still relatively skinny, he didn’t look sickly, or depressed. So I can give you that period during the 70s, I will give you that [hey he was away from Yoko during this no fucking wonder he looked pretty good here] and that shoot was definitely a model moment, wasn’t it? [Not like he didn’t have many of those moments throughout his life]

So there moments in the seventies where I think John doesn’t look half bad? Even relatively fine? Certainly, I’m devastatingly attracted to this man, dear God almighty have mercy on my soul yes I am. So I’ll agree that yeah, there were periods during the 70s in which John seemed to hold himself fairly well, I’d still climb it.

But I’m at least willing to admit that when John started his spiraling, in 1968, that he was Not Okay. And I personally believe he wasn’t all that okay throughout most of the 70s too... Maybe my issue isn’t with him being ‘skinny’ as it is I don’t like the underweight/severely underweight look on John, I just don’t. The incredibly unhealthy way he went about losing weight... Physically frail doesn’t fit him, and it only upsets me whenever I see photos of him that show how thin his legs became or how you can see his ribs, just how wasted away he’d look at times throughout the 70s, up until the last days of his life.

You want a “skinny” or ''skinnier'' John Lennon? A healthy, ‘’skinny/skinnier’’ John Lennon for his body type, is ‘66 and ‘67 in my eyes, and even then it wasn’t a radical change in weight loss; John still looked like John.

And speaking of 1968-1969, or the White Album era; don’t think it isn’t lost on me when I see people making light of John’s unhygienic appearance during the making of the White Album. Boy was depressed and hurting for whatever reason, again, spiraling, and getting lost in Yoko and heroin as a means of escapism and someone to tell him ‘it’s alright it isn’t your fault it’s everyone else’s fault’. Of course he didn’t care much for his personal appearance or hygiene... I will say I appreciate your appreciation for him during that period, instead of getting the whole ‘stinky/smelly rat man.’ Maybe I’m too much of a ‘’stan’’ but I don’t find it very amusing or endearing.

Don’t find me mocking or ‘’teasing’’ Paul’s depressed ass and his appearance during the breakup period/white album era-- but I suppose it’s because Paul actually tried and wasn’t on hard drugs, and had a good wife, so he was able to wear his depression and struggle with alcoholism a bit better, hmm? I don’t like Paul’s beard simply because I know it was the result of his lack of energy, depression, and falling into the drink-- he simply didn’t feel the need nor had the energy to care for himself, so that’s why he let it grow out. I don’t like it because of that, but that’s as much as you’ll get from me.

Anyway... Maybe I just don’t see John as characteristically feminine/effeminate as Paul, although he has his moments of acting and wearing clothes that are campy and elegant or give off a softer appearance, specifically around 1968 and throughout the 70s. But otherwise, I can’t agree, John didn’t have the same mixture, or balance of masculine and feminine traits as Paul-- and if it’s only made obvious during the downfall turning point of The Beatles and John (1968), then I don’t think that really counts as a ‘’lovely’’ mix of masculine and feminine traits for the reasons I mentioned. So I’ve got to disagree. John's always come off as much more masculine, or naturally masculine, both physically and characteristically, to me.

You know maybe it’s just the blogs I interact with, but I feel like it’s the other way around. I know I can sometimes come off as aggressive but at the end of the day I don’t necessarily care what one person thinks or believes, since it’s all relatively subjective to our own ideas of things and biases, etc... I have my thoughts and beliefs and theories and whether people agree or disagree with them on tumblr dot com... Well, what’re you gonna do? Nothing, it’s not my problem.

What I 100% agree on you with is about showing Johnny’s body a bit more love and attention to detail when it comes to writing about him in fanfiction!

There’s his auburn red hair, a darker ginger, which was thick and fun to watch as it lit up like fire when sunlight hit him, and could easily go wavy and curl when left unkempt and natural. The splattered and scattered galaxies of light freckles up and down his arms, his shoulders, his back, even a couple on his face. His aquiline nose, a relatively square jawline and facial structure, thick, heavy eyebrows which really intensify expressions of rage and hurt, almond shaped eyes which are the color of honey-amber when the light hits them just right and outlined with thick, long lashes, blind as a bat without his glasses but can give a mean squint which either helps scare off trouble, or brings it right to him, especially when he’s got thin bitten lips that could pull off a devilishly cheeky smirk or a no-good, charming grin to showcase teeth with the upper front turned slightly in towards each other, gives that imperfection which truly just perfects it-- a face like that of a tragic hero in a Greek Romance, distinctive and handsome. How he just oozed filthy sex and genuine trouble, sweaty leather and smoky dancehalls and rock & roll that crawls up your spine like an orgasm. Hips that could roll like Elvis and strong legs, thick thighs which would make a lovely place to sit. Broad shoulders, strong arms that could easily manage to lift you up and manhandle you in any way he’d like. Big hands, almost like shovels-- beautiful hands, with fingernails usually bitten short and occasionally had black ink or charcoal under them from when he’d be working on art, and rough, callused fingertips from playing guitar till they split and bleed, add a lovely roughness to any gentle touching he might do. A naturally thick midsection, a normal, healthy layer of fat which covers the sinewy just beneath. Any hair is light, light and lightly colored, on his arms and legs and chest. Cute tush, nice butt, a nice boy butt, slightly muscular bubble butt.

Fun facts; he had the largest feet out of all four Beatles. John isn’t circumcised. John and George share the same height. John has a surprisingly long tongue. John’s skin tone may be light, but for comparison, he’s much tanner compared to Paul-- he’s a bit more olive or wheat to his skin tone, and tanned very, very well. John’s cheeks could become easily red though. John liked the scent of citrus to wear-- he was also self conscious about the fact he could easily sweat and so usually wore such colognes or scents, didn’t want to smell bad. He started smelling of witch hazel when with Yoko. Despite his issue with sweating, he didn’t smell bad naturally. John was a true romantic, being an artist outside of being a musician/rock and roller-- he just didn’t like to show it, and growing up in his time, you couldn’t. John’s a swimmer, he loved to swim and loved the ocean.

#questionsquestionsquestions #beatles discussion/discourse #these are my feelings and thoughts and i can't feel bad for them

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dramaticsnakes · 3 years

Text

The Revived - Chapter 15: Quiet

This is chapter 15 of the Dream SMP multichapter fic @rainbowbutterfrosting and I wrote together! I hope you’ll enjoy!

AO3

Read in order (on Tumblr)

Characters in this chapter: Wilbur, Ghostbur, Tubbo, Ranboo, Michael

Word count: 3501

Cw: food mentions, tension between characters, crying, feelings of worthlessness

Fic summary: Wilbur was alive, and it was such a magnificent feeling, that made his mind spark with anticipation. It didn’t take long, however, for Wilbur to realize that this new breath of life, was not just his own. An echo-y voice hides in the back of his mind, and before he knows it, the transparent version of him he saw at the endless train station, is a lot more ingrained than he’d expected him to be.

And Wilbur really shouldn’t care. Because he’d be damned, if he spent the life he’d awaited for so long, babysitting a lost cause of a ghost, stuck in the very same limbo Wilbur spent so long in. It was an even exchange, and one Wilbur wasn’t going to mess with. Why exactly he ends up setting out to get the ghost out of his mind, in order to save the both of them, however, is beyond him. And perhaps Wilbur’s past isn’t as easy to leave behind, as he’d hoped it would be.

The walk to the nether portal was even more strained than it had been all the other times combined. It was stupid, because really, not much had changed. Wilbur still knew next to nothing about his situation or how he got there. Most people were dismayed to see he was alive at all, and he was trying his best to get used to his heart beating. He even grabbed some sugarcane along the way, hoping there would be a comment about the strange feeling. Instead, silence rang in his ears that made him disappointedly put it in a jacket pocket. There was a ghost… While he was silent, there was still a ghost inside of Wilbur’s head.

Though the silence was just it. It was the only real change there was, when overlooking some of the strained interactions Wilbur had had in the meantime. But what really changed the situation was the silence, and that for some ungodly reason, managed to get to Wilbur.

“So, we’re going to visit Michael again, huh?” Wilbur tried, his voice cheerful to the point where he almost felt like he was mocking himself, “And Ranboo! You like him, right? Whatever it is he has done.”

No response.

“We can go play with Michael and all that. We can have some food too, maybe.” Wilbur said.

No fucking response.

Wilbur withheld a frustrated sigh. He didn’t want it to be interpreted as if he was angry at Ghostbur. Though maybe that was true. At least that was the simplest explanation for the fire within himself. Angry at everything perhaps. Angry at everything that hadn’t been blown up with himself. “We can talk to all of them. There’s still quite a bit of catching up to do.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be quiet,” Ghostbur suddenly said, his voice hushed. Wilbur’s eyes widened, the sound taking him entirely by surprise.

“No no you don’t have to.” He sounded far too desperate than what he was proud of. He was met with nothing but silence again.

“I’m going to go in the portal now,” he said, and did exactly as he’d narrated. He felt himself being whisked away to the nether, the warmth once again surprising him. “I’m here,” he said. “There’s pretty much nothing but red netherrack as far as the eye can see. Oh! And there’s a zombie piglin a bit to the left, though it’s not a threat. No match for us, you know.” He added a quick laugh, but it almost sounded like a sob. He took a deep breath as he continued ahead.

“The nether really is big,” he cleverly observed. “I’m going onto one of the bridges now. I remember the way to the mansion, I think.” He heard a ghast make a sound, and picked up the pace. “And we’re safe, don’t worry. I’m wearing good armor, and it won’t be long.”

For the silent moments until they made it through the portal by Snowchester, Wilbur almost felt as if he was holding his breath along with Ghostbur. It was nice, in a way, and Prime Wilbur despised how that was comforting. How pathetic had he really become, if something as simple as doing something with someone who wasn’t even alive was enough to make him feel at home? The familiarity of Ghostbur’s constant presence had gone to his head.

He stood in the snow, which was a nice change of pace from the time he’d landed there with all the burns and the screaming from within. He once again became aware of his bandages. “We’re out,” he said. There wasn’t a response in words, but he could feel a relieved sigh.

He started walking in the direction of the mansion, his steps a little slower than they had to be. “We’re in Snowchester now. There are actually a lot of buildings here. I’m not sure what they-”

“Wilbur?” Ghostbur said suddenly.

“Yes?” Wilbur said, a little too quickly.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Wilbur said, relief and confusion mixing in his mind, until a quick laugh followed

“I’m sorry for… For invading your life.” Ghostbur said, sounding a lot more serious than he usually did, “When I came here instead of you, I couldn’t quite fill the role you left behind.” He sounded almost defeated, but so unbearably sincere, “This is your chance to do so, and I shouldn’t get in your way like that.”

Wilbur could hardly comprehend what he was hearing, because it was so unlike his own understanding of events. It was unlike Wilbur’s image of Ghostbur, and completely different from what he’d wanted the ghost to say. “What… What the fuck, no.” Wilbur said, shaking his head, something dark settling around his heart, “Ghostbur, you were nothing like me.”

“I know, and I-”

“And you think that’s a bad thing?” He said, with a huff, “Ghostbur, the last thing I did was blow up a fucking nation, and you think they’d all rather have had someone like me on here? Come on.” It was hilarious really. How Ghostbur was so blind to the fact that everyone was probably dying to get him back in Wilbur’s place now. How everyone would be so sad on passive little Ghostbur’s behalf. Including Wilbur himself for some reason. “For crying out loud, you are so fucking good it hurts.”

“What? I’m sorry I don’t mean to hurt you, I-”

“Shut up!” Wilbur said suddenly, standing in the middle of a solitary street in Snowchester, “No fuck- wait, don’t shut up. Don’t shut up, because it’s honestly really boring without you.” The last few words slipped out before he could stop them. They slipped out quietly enough to be genuine, and perhaps that was an issue on its own.

“What?” Ghostbur tried, sounding confused, “But you don’t always like when I talk, and no one else can hear me anyway. I thought that maybe you’d want some peace and quiet after all that. I’m disturbing you.”

“Perhaps I want you to.” He hissed through his teeth, before shaking his head, “I don’t know I don’t know I just-” he took a deep breath, collecting his words, “Ghostbur, you don’t need to apologize. I slipped up, and I… It gets boring without you here, okay? So you can keep talking.”

Perhaps Wilbur was still a lost soul, stuck at a train station, desperately grasping and wishing for even the slightest hint of interaction. Perhaps it was selfish of Wilbur, to want the only person who was forced to be with him at all times, to continue talking to him. Perhaps Wilbur was being just as cruel as he knew he was, throughout all of this, begging for attention as usual. Begging for someone who had every right to despise him, to keep him company.

And perhaps, he didn’t even care about any of that. Because Ghostbur clearly had it all wrong, and if it took Wilbur’s selfishness to prove it, so be it. “If you want to talk, you can,” he said, hoping that he would no longer feel as if he had to fight to reach the surface of the ocean on his own.

“Oh,” Ghostbur said, sounding uncertain still, but in a different way. “It… It gets lonely without you. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to stay put like this but I don’t want… I don’t want to be alone.”

Wilbur didn’t either, but he knew he couldn’t say that. Wilbur Soot wasn’t lonely, because he couldn’t afford to be, and he was alive. “Then I can keep you company,” he said instead. “You won’t be alone.”

A fondness slipped into Ghostbur’s voice, part of it was quieter than it should’ve been, but Wilbur didn’t mind, “Thank you.”

Wilbur let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He wanted to say how he didn’t need to be thanked for such a simple thing, but he didn’t want to spark a disagreement when Ghostbur was already in a fragile state. “No problem.” He started walking towards the mansion, before quickly adding on, “Headin’ inside the mansion.”

Ghostbur gasped so quietly, Wilbur almost confused it with a gust of wind, “I thought you were just saying that.”

Wilbur stopped walking for a moment. “No I… I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Ghostbur spoke quietly, “You lied to Tub-” He sharply cut himself off. Wilbur winced at the truth Ghostbur knew.

He couldn’t think of a response as he heard a familiar voice call out, “Oh, Wilbur, you made it here a little earlier than I did.” He turned around and saw Tubbo there.

Wilbur smiled softly towards him, “Yeah, we must’ve barely missed each other. Didn’t see you in there at all.” And I wasn’t talking to a ghost at all either, part of him wanted to add.

“Yeah, that’s weird,” Tubbo didn’t seem skeptical of him, but he wouldn’t doubt if the boy was a good actor. He was a spy for part of the war, with a library even he was unaware of. Though he tried to put his thoughts aside.

Tubbo walked up to where Wilbur was, and the both of them moved together towards the front doors of the mansion. The two walked together in silence, something that he typically wouldn’t have even acknowledged. Yet, with the quietness of Ghostbur returning, he couldn’t help the concern in his eyes. Tubbo seemed to look at him slightly differently, but neither of them bothered to comment on it.

Tubbo pulled the door open, the warmness from inside being a nice refresher from the cold. They walked in as Tubbo called out, “Ranboo?” He closed the door behind them.

A muffled voice came from upstairs, before Ranboo’s head popped out of Michael’s room. He met Tubbo’s gaze, before hesitantly smiling at Wilbur’s presence. “We’re just coloring in here. Did everything go alright?”

Tubbo nodded and made his way up the stairs with Wilbur close behind. “Yep! Of course there’s still a bunch of questions I wouldn’t even know how to find out, but there’s a lot of new info.” Tubbo paused for a moment before continuing, “I’ve got a few theories in my head, but it’s all messy.”

Ranboo nodded understandingly, “I’m glad it went well.” Ranboo looked down from behind the door. A grin came across his face, “Michael, guess who’s here?” Tubbo and Wilbur made it to the top of the stairs, but the latter couldn’t see what was happening behind the door.

“Noo, not grandpa.” Another second passed, “Not Puffy.” A few moments passed before Wilbur heard a frustrated snort. Ranboo chuckled, “I guess I’ll just have to let you see.” He opened the door all the way, and Wilbur’s eyes immediately caught Michael’s. He quickly knelt down as Michael ran into his arms. He reciprocated the hug, his eyes closing for a moment, just holding the presence of warmth in his arms.

Too long must’ve passed as Tubbo playfully mentioned, “Michael, how did you miss Wilbur that much? You saw him earlier today.” Time must've flown by Wilbur as he quickly let go. Michael smiled and grabbed onto Wilbur’s arm, tugging him toward the room him and his father were recently in.

Wilbur laughed, “Alright, alright, I’m coming.” He stood up slowly, making sure not to accidentally hit Michael, and walked into the room. It looked the same as last time, except now there was a small bin on the table. It seemed full of crayons, with most of them being new. There were small light red chairs around the table, clearly made for children. Wilbur didn’t know if they would collapse under him and decided to sit on the floor, resting his calves under him.

Michael sat down on the chair next to him, pulling it closer to Wilbur as he grabbed a piece of paper on the table. His left arm was against Wilbur’s as he slid the paper to him.

Wilbur understood the message and looked at the paper. A goofy smile slipped on his face. It was a drawing of what appeared to be Michael. The lines were shaky, but it was some kind of pink blob that wore an orange and black long-shirt with blue overalls over the top. While the image itself didn’t look like it, that’s what the Michael holding his arm was wearing. The drawing had a smile on his face that mimicked the one Michael wore. A higher-pitched cheerfulness flowed easily with his words, “Did you draw this?”

Michael eagerly nodded, his face rubbing against Wilbur’s sleeve. After the moment, Michael proceeded to rub more of his face into it, enjoying the sensation.

Ranboo chuckled, “That must be why he likes you so much.”

Wilbur tilted his head slightly, though his gaze stayed focused on Michael, “Hm?”

Ranboo shifted in his position, “Oh, I mean- he sorta likes certain textures? We don’t really know how it works since it’s a bit difficult to communicate, but he just likes rubbing his face on stuff.”

Wilbur quietly stated, “I’ve noticed.” Though the sentence wasn’t harsh, Ranboo moved slightly away.

“I think I’ll head outside for a second.” The turned his back away from Wilbur and walked out of the room. Tubbo whispered something to him, and with a brief nod, he heard echoing steps down the stairs. Michael propped himself slightly away from Wilbur and grabbed a different paper on the table. It was a few black lines that went up and down, some parts looking almost like black rectangles. There were also some scribbles near the right, that took Wilbur a second to realize it was writing. He squinted at the words, and slowly he realized it was the word, “Dad”.

Wilbur looked between Michael and the page when realization struck. “Oh, Ran- Dad is alright. He just needed to do something.”

Michael nodded and Wilbur gratefully sighed at the toddler’s lack of overwhelming curiosity. Wilbur grabbed one of the blank papers on the table, his gaze wandering over the container of crayons. He searched the container and put a rainbow of colors in front of himself. He frowned slightly at the lack of yellow, but didn’t take it personally.

Michael squealed excitedly at the empty paper and grabbed a green crayon. He started making quick jagged lines that formed a semi-straight line near the bottom of the sheet. He quickly scribbled it in, coating the white paper as Wilbur grabbed an orange crayon.

Wilbur forgot Tubbo was even there as he quietly spoke, “I’m gonna start prepping dinner. Ranboo will probably be back soon.”

Wilbur nodded, “Sounds good to me. You need any help cooking?” He looked directly at Tubbo for a moment.

Tubbo shook his head, “I’ve got it, you two have fun.” Tubbo smiled as he turned to leave the room.

Wilbur chuckled, “Said and done.” He looked back at the paper, finding the bottom of the page to be mostly colored in with green. There were white patches at the bottom that littered the area, but he didn’t blame the toddler as he found it quite adorable.

Wilbur’s hand went to the top right of the page as he started outlining a small circle with his orange crayon. Michael grabbed a gray crayon and continued adding something towards the left side. Wilbur focused on applying less color onto the paper, the orange shifting into an awkward yellow. The yellow-ish circle stood proudly on the page as he added lines around it to show that it was emitting sunlight.

He looked back to Michael’s part of the page. He saw something that resembled a stickman with a smile on its face. There was a clump of gray on top of the person and Michael made grabby hands for the orange that Wilbur held. He quickly gave it to the toddler and grabbed a blue, though his gaze didn’t leave Michael’s portion of the paper.

The child took the orange and drew it over the stickman, quickly scribbling in an oval over it and looked at Wilbur expectedly. Wilbur furrowed his eyebrows together, “Who’s that?” Michael grabbed the blue from Wilbur’s hand and drew a dog-like figure next to the stickman. But the dog was blue and had a smile that paralleled the other drawing.

Wilbur tilted his head slightly, still not understanding, but with eyes so bright an innocent, he realized it was a look he'd received before. It was akin to the eyes of a young Fundy, displaying his art for Wilbur to hang on his wall in their little home in L'Manberg. It was much like that of Tommy, when Wilbur told him about the plans to create a nation. It so bitterly reminded him of Tubbo, agreeing to anything and everything Wilbur said. Three times was perhaps a pattern, just as Wilbur had been told. And perhaps, that was all the more reason he should've expected this to happen again. Should've expected young eyes to look to him for guidance. And the bitter truth was, that just as all the other times, it filled him with a strange sort of pride and joy.

Perhaps Wilbur had barely changed at all. He wasn't surprised at that. In fact he'd known for so long.

What he hadn’t known, and only realized in the moment, was that the drawing in front of him was Ghostbur. The orange oval was probably supposed to be a sweater of sorts, but the orange was too dark for him to recognize sooner. The gray stickman’s skin color looked similar to the ghost he saw before exiting limbo.

His eyes lingered on the blue dog in the front on the paper. Wilbur facepalmed when he realized that the blue dog was a sheep. He didn’t know why he didn’t recognize it sooner.

Wilbur was about to open his mouth to say something, when Michael pointed at the drawing, and then pointed at Wilbur. It was almost like a silent question, and the child looked at Wilbur so expectantly.

Oh.

Of course. Wilbur wasn’t sure why he’d expected anything else. No one had probably explained the situation properly to the child. Prime knew that would be one hell of a conversation. Still, Wilbur caught his treacherous heart dropping at the gesture. He frowned, despite himself. “No,” he said briefly, shaking his head.

Michael looked at him for a few moments. Then he nodded back, and turned towards the paper again, his expression barely changing at all.

Still, Wilbur felt misplaced. As if he’d walked inside a war meeting hosted by his enemies, or had put up walls around a nation that turned out not to be his. Every single second Wilbur had known Michael, the toddler hadn’t been aware of exactly who Wilbur was. Perhaps Michael had thought he was hugging Ghostbur. Thought he was smiling with awe at someone he knew positively, rather than an inconvenient stranger, whose presence made very little sense in the first place. The only reason Michael offered to show such basic kindness to him was because of a simple misunderstanding. Even a child who unconditionally loved every soul he met, couldn't love Wilbur without thinking of someone else.

Wilbur felt an unwelcome tear creeping into his eye. It was likely due to the fact that he was nearly alone, as it provoked the futile vulnerability he preferred to keep at bay. He looked away, trying to keep his face out of view as he listened to Michael continuing to work with the crayons. What else has Wilbur expected? He’d done little to nothing to deserve the child’s affections, and that was alright. It was perfectly alright, because Wilbur was a genius, not an uncle.

He suddenly felt a tug at his arm. He shook his head quickly, trying to grasp the world once more. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Michael, trying to show him something. With a quiet laugh, that came out a little too broken, he turned his head. “What have you got there?” he asked.

Michael was holding the piece of paper from before, proudly displaying it with both hands. Wilbur looked at it for a long time, trying to comprehend exactly what he was looking at. The same figure as before was staring back at him, grey with an orange jumper, and a big smile. The blue sheep was standing in the same spot. Next to the ghost however, Michael had scribbled another figure.

A similar one, but with beige skin and a brown jacket, with fuzzy lines drawn on it. The figure had a white streak in its dark hair, and was smiling as well, brightly.

Oh.

Standing right there, next to the ghost and the sheep, was Wilbur. Wilbur Soot, creator and destroyer of L’Manberg, drawn with such confident crayon lines from a toddler. Wilbur let out a shaky breath, as Michael pointed to the drawing, and then to Wilbur.

Wilbur swallowed something in his throat, his lips curving up as he let out a quiet laugh. “Yes. That’s me.”

#dream smp #dsmp #c!wilbur #revivedbur #ghostbur #c!ranboo #c!tubbo #michael_beloved #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #The Revived

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rolescape · 2 years

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Heya, so to piggyback that last anon…I just really don’t know how to word this any better since they worded it well enough for me but they were just basically dismissed entirely so I guess it needs to be more than one person voicing it?

At the get go this site was advertised as by roleplayers, for roleplayers, with input and the input is being snubbed if it isn’t immediately in 100% favor?? It wasn’t actually stated to be a social media site but a roleplaying site geared to roleplayers.

Don’t get me wrong I am super excited for this, super appreciative someone with the know how has taken this on, but that last answer sounded about as dismissive as the WIP blog, and honestly…hasn’t been the first one where it seemed like an honest critique was being viewed as hate. I don’t actually need anything to get started on a new site??? Like the idea of points and badges and everything? No I don’t actually need that.

Everything that’s been previewed so far- I can take that and roll with it and so could quite literally everyone I write with because our focus is the writing, the RP, the reason I was so hyped for this. We don’t need built in games or already loaded content, we just need a post button and an input box linked to an account.

You have worked in so many extras for organizing and accessibility and that is awesome, thank you, but can it please not be so easily brushed off if it’s not immediately all in favor? I don’t need a social side there’s a plethora of other places for that, or badges, and points (I am already getting anxiety about that and I also never log out of any of my accounts? I’m an adult with my own personal locked computer, why am I logging out?) I can’t stress enough I am still excited for this, but I am now worried this is going to be tumblr clique and count bragging on steroids, and I fully support the idea of full on opt out and being able to interact with those that do as well.

Totez want to emphasize I’m only giving this input because I’ve been following this since the day it was announced here, I’m hyped, I want this to be a success. I am only voicing this because I can see this going pear shaped and making it harder for the people with anxiety and performance pressure to want to join.

I truly do apologize if I came off as dismissive. I promise you that's not my intention, and will never be my intention. I try my best to be as direct with others as possible and I ask the same in return. I do this because being overly nice and bubbly can seem fake to some people, and while I am a generally positive person, I don't want to come off as fake. I'm a huge softy, and I don't want to make it seem like people who disagree with me don't matter? Because it takes discourse to get things done and I know that. So truly, if it ever sounds like I'm being a jerk, I promise if I was aware of it, I wouldn't be doing it. So all you can do is just bring it to my attention when I've said something that's made you feel that way and I'll always apologize because I genuinely am not here to make anyone feel bad. So I am sorry that I made you feel that way.

Anyway! Next order of discussion:

If you've been with me since the beginning, I hope you can understand why it's extremely confusing to hear now, nearly a year later, that collectibles like badges and stuff are a dealbreaker. You have always had the ability to opt out of things. Always. That has never changed. The very first post I made talked about them, and it's been a huge topic of discussion, and a huge focus of time and energy for us that we can't exactly just... throw all of that out after a year of working on it.

I'm sorry the idea gives you anxiety, but like I said, you really don't have to participate. Points are awarded every 24 hours as long as you have interacted and used the site. You don't necessarily need to log out and back in. If you turn off the option for points then you won't even know they exist and you can use Rolescape the way you want to and allow others to use Rolescape the way they want to.

#rolescape answers #rolescape answered

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technoskittles · 4 years

Text

Catradora fic rec list

I mentioned making one of these awhile ago and I’m finally sitting down and compiling some of my all-time favorite fics. I’ve read a lot (like, a LOT), but I feel like a few of those really deserve an extra shout out.

I’ll separate them between multi-chap and one shots, but other than that they won’t be in any particular order. I’ll also try my best to tag the authors here on tumblr if I can find them, but if not, just lemme know if you see your fic and I can edit this later.

I’ll also be including ratings/word count/trigger warnings/etc

(I’ll mostly be including common tw’s so please make sure you also read the tags for anything that may affect you personally! Also, if I miss any, please keep in mind that it’s been awhile since I’ve read some of these so I may not remember all of them!)

Key:

[E] - Explicit

[M] - Mature

[T] - Teen & Up Audiences

[G] - General Audiences

And for the multi-chap fics:

(O) - Ongoing

(F) - Finished

(?) - Not finished and they haven’t updated in awhile so the author probably died

So let’s get started! (Get ready for a long post obviously)

Multi-chap fics:

1. upper west side by ceruleanstorm (F) [T] ~190,000 words

TW: past child abuse, alcohol abuse

@princessofgayskull

I feel like this is definitely one of the top must-reads for all Catradora fanfics. I know I’ve seen this on a couple different lists but I’m including it on mine as well because it really is just that good.

The chapters are lengthy (but in a good way!) and the story really takes its time to flesh itself out. The character development of the characters as individuals is beautifully done and wonderfully realistic. The pacing of the development of Catra and Adora’s relationship is also sweetly slow, a steady slowburn that invokes that deep-rooted yearning feeling mirrored by the characters themselves.

It’s a really clever premise that takes place in the modern world but implements the canon universe in the form of the book that Adora’s writing that ties back to her and Catra’s shared childhood. The way that aspects of the show were revamped into this fic are so creative and I just....ugh. LOVE.

This fic also has a oneshot compilation that takes place after the events of the final chapter which is currently ongoing and I HIGHLY suggest checking that out as well once you’ve finished this.

The sister fic for those interested: she’s god (and I found her) (O) [T] ~40,000 words

2. The Devil Is In (The Details) by SeasInkarnadine (O) [M] ~58,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, child abuse, emotional abuse, use of recreational drugs, Major Character Death

@seasinkarnadine

This is a really great fic where Adora is an undercover cop who sidles her way into one of the largest gang syndicates to bust whoever killed Hordak, a big gang leader and drug trafficker, whose death was originally ruled as an accidental overdose. Her and Catra (one of the gang members) both know foul play was involved and work together to figure out the truth.

The dynamics between these two is so casual and hilarious but still has those gut-wrenching moments that really ground you and realize that their relationship is dysfunctional on a few levels. The exploration of Adora’s conflicting feelings towards Catra hurt in such a good way as she realizes that she does genuinely care for Catra, but also is aware that what she’s doing will eventually screw her over and land her in jail. It’s the best kind of underlying angst and I highly recommend it.

Another really great selling point that I particularly love is that Adora is deaf in this AU and the author really shows this in such a realistic and natural way that shows she really knows what she’s talking about. It makes the dynamic between the two even more interesting considering that Catra also knows sign language which give the two a lot of moments of mutual understanding that doesn’t extend to the other characters. It’s something that the two of them have that’s sort of just for them to be on that level of understanding and it’s so great.

Also, Morgan is just a great writer in general and I highly suggest checking out more of her stuff (her art too!). She’s one of the writers I’ve looked up to since my beginning days in the fandom and it’s still amazing seeing all the great stuff she puts out.

3. Skinny Love by Maychup (O) [M] ~100,000 words

TW: past child abuse

@maychup

Another staple of big fics in the catradora fandom but for good reason. This fic is a wonderful exploration of events taking place after S1 illustrating Catra & Adora’s relationship in a different path that the rest of the show takes. It focuses heavily on their past experiences with each other and how that affects their current situation being on opposite sides of the war.

This fic is older, published just after S1, so canon divergence is an important aspect of its build. But the way the story is written is so beautiful and grounded that it’s still interesting even now knowing what really happens in the show.

Their dynamic is kind of back-and-forth, with Catra figuring out what Adora means to her and vice versa and where the two of them want to go from that point. It has so many sweet moments and steamy ones as well (btw, there’s a lot of smut) and the exploration into each of the character’s pysches is so compelling and intriguing.

4. Faded With Feelings by yesimgay (F) [T] ~24,000 words

TW: recreational drug use

This was such a cute, short multi-chap fic. It’s a bit older but I think it’s still one of my top faves.

A modern au, Catra & Adora are roommates post-college and trying to make their way in the adulting world. Catra has ADHD and smokes weed to help with that. One day Adora accidentally eats a couple of her edibles and cute shenanigans ensue. And that’s just the first two chapters.

The rest of the fic goes on to the girls figuring out their feelings for each other, especially Adora who, in this case, isn’t really sure of her sexuality. All-in-all, a really cute fic that’s a nice break from all the angst that typically saturates the fandom.

5. Chasing the Spotlight by holymountain (?) [T] ~20,000 words

This is an AU where Adora is hired to be Catra’s, a pop singer, bodyguard. There’s so many cute moments in this, though admittedly it’s been about 6 months since it’s last updated so be sure to keep that in mind.

6. we’ve been making shades of purple out of red and blue by darklady21 (?) [t] ~24,000 words

An “and they were ROOMMATES” au. In this one though, Catra and Adora don’t actually know each other and really only get to know each other over time. It’s cute and has a lot of interesting interactions between the two, but it hasn’t updated in about 7 months.

7. Tuning Out by FaiaHae (?) [T] ~2500 words

I actually really loved the whole concept of this fic but it hasn’t updated in like, an entire year so...only read if you’re okay with the fact that it probably won’t ever be finished haha

8. burnt sugar by jeserai (O) [G] ~11,000 words

@jeserai

Oh god YES this fic. The classic “fake dating” au except Catra is a rich kid inheriting a business who essentially hires Adora, a broke college student, to go on a date with her to this big business function. There’s not a lot to say about it other than that without giving too much away, but the fic is about halfway done at this point so it’s a pretty short read as of now.

Just be warned, it’s currently on a MASSIVE cliffhanger so if you wanna wait until it updates I totally understand lol

9. still waters by summerson (O) [M] ~28,000 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, self harm

A “The Last of Us” AU. Personally, I’m not super familiar with TLOU because I could never get into the game myself, but this fic is so well done and the writing style is so interesting and well-executed that I still love this fic to bits. But obviously, for those of you who are aware of TLOU, you already know that this fic is going to contain quite the fair share of angst so be ready.

10. Whispering Dreams by dragonesdepapel (F) [T] ~7500 words

It’s been awhile since I’ve read this one so I don’t remember everything, but I do remember really enjoying the writing style and the construction of this fic. It’s a short read, but it’s totally worth it

11. please could you be tender by erce3 (F) [G] ~40,000 words

@figbian

please please PLEASE go read this fic. I’m actually begging y’all to go read this one I loved it so much it’s still one of my top 10 faves out there.

This fic is set in a modern setting where Adora & Catra were childhood friends and are in college and god it’s just SO. GOOD. The writing style and composition of the flashbacks with the present events is so beautifully done and organized and I really cannot hype this fic up enough GO READ IT

12. buried a hatchet (it’s coming up lavendar) by erce3 (O) [G] ~12,000 words

on the note of that last rec, I highly rec their other work which is currently in progress. It takes place after S3 but it’s an exploration on if Catra and Adora got trapped in the portal instead of Angella and FUCK this person is genuinely amazing go read their stuff

13. Senior Year by SimplyAbsolute (O) [E] ~98,000 words

@simplyabsolute

This is a really cute fic about Adora and Catra in their final year of college and I guess for me personally it really just hits hard because I’m also in my final year of college lol. But really, it’s a great fic and I suggest checking it out. It’s actually only got one more chapter left too so it’s almost done!

14. Assassinating Adora by Wicked42 (F) [T] ~13,000 words

@wicked-42

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Jeez this fic was a real rollercoaster of emotions. I loved every bit of it.

Basically, some people try to assassinate Adora and Catra stops one of them, but both girls are still inflicted by the poison and....it just gets crazier from there. Don’t wanna spoil it too much but this is a must-read for sure.

And this one may seem like cheating but I’m gonna plug one of my own multi-chap fics here

15. Pure Feeling (O) [T] ~30,000 words

TW: brief mention of sexual assault in Ch 5

This is a modern AU set after all the kids have been out of college for a few years.

Adora and Catra were childhood friends but ended up drifting apart and falling out during their college years. Fast forward about 6 years and they run into each other again, except now Adora has a daughter and is struggling to balance her life as a single mother. Overtime the two girls work on rebuilding their friendship and somewhere along the way might even realize that they’re feelings for each other never really went away. But of course, like all things in life, this isn’t an easy process and they run into more than a few complications - internal and external.

One Shots:

(there’s so many of these I’ve loved so I’m really going to try and narrow it down to about 10. If yours didn’t make it, no offense! I just have WAY too many to include and this post is already so long haha)

1. The Interlude That Never Ends by FMLClexa [M] ~2500 words

TW: Major Character Death, brief mention of sexual assault

Okay I’m gonna be honest: If you ignore all the other fics on this list, READ THIS ONE. This is absolutely my #1 favorite without a doubt. It’s a soulmate/reincarnation au and it’s so wonderfully executed that I honestly cannot even begin to tell y’all how much I love this one. It’s old and one of the first fics I ever read, but it’s so timeless and excellent and I promise you won’t regret reading it. I know I’ve read this about a million times over.

It’s been a whole year and this has held my #1 fave position the entire time. READ. IT.

2. after party by summerson [M] ~2000 words

TW: recreational drug use

God this fic was so great I read it last night and I’m still in awe in how well it was written and the emotions it managed to invoke in me. My favorite scene is the part where Catra tells Adora “I love you” because it’s so raw and desperate and I vibed with it so hard. It’s really difficult trying to tell someone how much you love them with just a few simple words because they really just don’t convey how much you love them and it’s so frustrating and GAH this fic was fucking great please read it.

3. jigsaw by jeserai [G] ~2500 words

@jeserai

This fic is so great and I felt so warm inside reading it. Definitely read if you want sweet, slow friends to lovers burn.

4. Vicious by SeasInkarnadine [M] ~3500 words

TW: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con

I really highly recommend this one if you can get past the trigger warnings. It was so well written and very suspenseful with the juxtaposition of the timeline between current events and snippets of what had happened just hours before. But the ending is really sweet and the way that Catra cares for Adora after the whole thing squeezed my heart to pieces.

This is one I’ve read a few times over because of how much I love it. Def in my top 3.

5. Basement by spookyscaryskeletons [G] ~2800 words

This was such a great rendition of “Adora and Catra are forced to talk” and the emotions were raw and bleeding and I love the character portrayals.

6. Coming Apart by Whorls [E] ~13,000 words (or ~6,000 words each chap)

@crazy-pages

Okay this fic technically has two chapters but I’m including it here in the oneshots because the chapters are identical in the sense of story but the only difference is that in chapter one Catra is a cis woman and in chapter two she’s a trans woman pre-op. Other than that the chapters are identical so it’s mostly based off which experience you would rather have while reading.

This fic was. So. Fucking. Good. Sen did such a fantastic job with both aspects of this story and I love it to bits and pieces. The smut in the beginning is delicious as can be, but then towards the latter half it absolutely sucker punches you with feelings but in a good way. I really, really fucking love this fic and I think it needs more attention than it initially got so I’m imploring you all to please go read this fic. It’s fantastic.

7. Seconds That I Cannot Replace by Mogatrat [M] ~7800 words

TW: child abuse, underage(?)

This is a really heartbreaking fic set before canon. It’s about all the times that Catra and Adora started a romantic relationship only for Shadow Weaver to come in and ruin everything by constantly erasing and resetting Adora’s memory. I still think about this fic from time to time. Give it a go.

8. Come morning light by dragonesdepapel [T] ~1800 words

TW: Major Character Death

Another one that’s technically two chapters but it’s the same events, just covers the perspective of each girl. Adora’s dying and asks Catra to stay with her.

Basically this fic ripped my heart out and I still think about it sometimes.

9. someone you like by caela [T] ~5100 words

oh fuck me yes this fic. A modern au where Catra sorta stalks Adora on instagram and accidentally likes an old picture. Fluffiness galore.

10. When You Came Calling by ActuallyMe [E] ~5200 words

TW: Major Character Death

A 1940′s Mob AU where Catra is a private eye and Adora married high-ranking mob boss Hordak...who’s just been murdered.

Really great one shot. Personally I would’ve loved to see more come of this but it’s great on its own.

And once again, this is cheating but here’s a couple oneshots of my own that I wanna plug real quick

11. hang tight (all you) [T] ~9200 words

Modern AU fic set when Catra and Adora are in high school. Adora struggles to come to terms with her sexuality in an discouraging environment as well as the fact that she’s had a crush on her best friend since middle school. Personally I think this was one of my best works and a lot of other people seem to have liked it too so yeah!

12. as my World d[ivides] [E] ~2500 words

TW: Rape/Non-Con, Underage

One of my darker fics, but still one I’m pretty proud of. Without giving too much away, Adora suffers from a trauma and engages in unhealthy coping mechanisms and Catra enables her because no one’s taught them any different.

#she ra #spop #catra #adora #catradora #she ra and the princesses of power #fic recs #long post #thanks for hanging in with me guys #but yes I highly suggest all these fics

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ahiddenpath · 4 years

Text

For Everyone Nervous to Enter/Engage/Create in the Digimon Adventure Fandom

My loves, lately I’ve been inundated with anon messages/DMs from folks who say they want to engage in the English-speaking Digimon Adventure fandom in a bunch of different ways- anything from meta on Tumblr, art on Twitter, or fanfic, and more. I can be a bit awkward with new folks (er- and ones I’ve known for years- look, this is who I am xD), but I tried to ask about where this wave of new fandom interest came from, and why people are nervous to engage.

And apparently, both Kizuna and the Digimon Adventure: Reboot have attracted a new wave of fans of all ages! OH HAPPY DAY!!!!

As a Fandom Dinosaur stretching waaaaaay back to ye olde 1999, and someone who has run this particular blog pretty much every ding dong day since 2012, I AM WEEPING. Listen, most people aren’t long-haul 20+ year fandom artifacts. People tend to drift in and out as their interests naturally rise, fall, and shift... (which is frankly the more sane approach, probably, and I hope my beloved fellow dinosaurs won’t mind my saying so. GET OFF OUR LAWN).

Er- point being- we see people come and go over the years. Sometimes, they come back. More often, they don’t. I miss people, you know? I’m always so glad to find new voices here.

WHICH IS WHY I GO, “NO NO NO NO NO!” when folks tell me they are scared to engage! And then probably proceed to freak them out by being all like:

LOOK, I’M TRYING, OKAY.

This is already getting long, so please read on below the cut for my reassurances about joining the fandom and suggestions for how to tailor your experiences for your comfort. JOIN USSSSSSSS.

Okay, so... I’m not gonna lie to you. The English-speaking Digimon Adventure fandom can be a... volatile place. This is my only fandom, so I don’t know how normal or strange this one is by comparison. All I can tell you is that there are absolutely folks who will send hate to fandom creators who have different shipping preferences, who interpret characters differently than they do, who have different head canons than them...

This is likely to happen to you at some point if you engage in the fandom for long enough. But, in my 8 years as ahiddenpath, I can say with total honestly that this has only happened to me a handful of times- and I’m an active sunovvagun.

But you know what has happened more times than I can even begin to count? Positive stuff! Nice comments, fun discussions, seeing different perspectives and talking about my own to people who think differently than I do, but genuinely want to hear more... Awesome group challenges and bangs! I’ve made genuine friends here!!!! Some even spilled over into physical real life! And I’m finally trying my best to put myself out there a little more on Discord.

So my advice is to not let the chance of getting, like, 5 negative messages over 8 years stop you from enjoying all of this awesomeness. And, like, we want to hear what new people have to say!

SO! I don’t know anything about Twitter, but here are some ways to protect yourself on Tumblr, should you find that interactions with someone leave a bad taste:

-You choose who you follow. If you don’t like someone’s content, or maybe the public discussions they have in comments/reblogs, then don’t follow them. This is very easy and non-confrontational, and honestly, it should solve most of your problems.

-Use xKit to “block” Tumblr posts containing certain tags/words.

-You can block users! This also prevents them from reblogging and commenting on your stuff. It may feel more confrontational than just not following them, but it’s effective.

-If someone switches to anon, they can only send you “asks.” They can’t DM you on anon. You can delete their anon asks, or even turn off anon asks!

So, worst case scenario, someone rolls into your anon ask box with nastiness, and... You turn it off. Meanwhile, logged-in folks can still hit you up! And a lack of anonymity is enough to stop most people from being aggro. There aren’t really that many active English-speaking Digipeeps on Tumblr, and word travels fast when someone is publicly being a butt.

A final thing I want to say here is that... When someone is nasty about someone having different opinions on a cartoon than them, um... That’s... sad. When I was in my early 20s, I was a little more susceptible to feeling bad about being on the receiving end of ugly fandom behavior, but now that I’m 31? I just shake my head, spare a moment to wish this person happiness and wellness, and forget about it. These kinds of behaviors don’t come from happy, confident folks. Don’t give them any space in your head or your heart; it’s not worthwhile.

And definitely don’t let fear of these behaviors stop you from sharing your voice and finding some happiness! Your voice matters, yes, even over a cartoon! Having fun is never a waste of time.

I hope you’ll all consider sharing your fan content and ideas with us! You might not get much response or engagement at first, but as you keep at it and engage, folks will find you over time!

I said GET OFF OUR LAWN earlier, but that was a joke. Please, get on it!

Love,

Hidden

#digimon fandom #join us

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julies-butterflies · 3 years

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I must admit, sometimes I do feel like a ye olden solider, sending letters to my beloved across the waves during wartime. Oh my dearest Lydia, I hope the kudos and comments crops have been plentiful this season. Your last letter left me weeping. Why must you put poor Reginald through such pain?

(I gotta admit, I still can't believe that I'm talking to you. I've been looking up to your work for so long...it just feels a bit surreal, even now! Glad you like hearing my ramblings! And that you liked my vampire prompt! Did not realize you'd write back when I sent that in. Look at us now, huh?)

(Speaking of prompts, I sent those jukebox and willex ones too. And I loved them both so so much, I shall scream about them more when it is not 2 am because I need sleep)

(Oh and the update of If I Was You!!! Amazing, Stellar, Incredible, Reggie, Carrie, Julie shenanigans is my new favorite thing, DID YOU JUST DOUBLE THE CHAPTER COUNT, and I'm like 90% sure Trevor is in deep trouble with a certain angry jazz ghost. Seriously loving it)

I actually do not remember what it was like to send in 1/5 asks, because I did not get a Tumblr until very reccently! I've always been a nerdy person, but Jatp is my first time being really in a fandom. You gotta do something new in quarantine, right?

Ah yes. Luke and Emily. To me, it just seems obvious that there's so much love between them. Even with all the pain. You get it. You put it down so eloquently.

As for what kind of stories I like to read...it seriously depends on my mood.

I like niche aus, passion projects. Stories where you can just feel the author's love for the world they're inventing. But I tend to lean towards cannonverse. I like ghost stories, it's what drew me to this show in the first place. And I love exploring that concept. (Being forever gone, and always the same...it's just fascinating to me)

Platonic goodness is just WONDERFUL for this show. I will read anything with cuddles. I am touched starved and these kiddos are too, and I will cry about them puppy piling every damn day. Plus there's just some much POTENTIAL for future friendships! I love ones where Flynn and Carrie get to interact with the boys as well. And 90s content, from before and after the orpheum, just hits hard.

I really wasn't expecting to get invested in the couples on this show, but something about them is moving to me. So I do love to read about them. Watching two queer kids who lived during incredibly important areas of queer history find love together after death really hit hard for me, and there's just something so bittersweet about a girl and ghost deciding to love each other for the little time they're given.

I love family dynamics too. Anything with Ray and his seven disaster children, the band and Trevor.... I think Julie and Emily is one of my favorite dynamics to explore. A girl who lost her mother and a mother who lost her son, both grieving but with one able to speak to the dead...it's just very powerful to me.

(And of course, Luke and Emily, but I figured you already knew that)

Mostly...I like seeing the messy stuff. The unexpected consequences, the baggage. I want to see the messy emotions, the grief and anger, the jealously, the disorientation. I look for those glass shards, that might be too sharp to ever be addressed on the show. Not even the big, monumental plot lines just... the harder pieces of life, the little moments that don't fit neatly into a nine episode arc.

I just want to see them live you know? Love, laughter and loss all mixed together.

(One of my all time favorite tropes is "found family gets broken apart by trauma, only to find each other again and come back stronger than ever." I feel like this explains a lot of my taste in fiction)

Thank you for the writing advice. Your words were very motivating. I am trying to begin! I got up the nerve to start working on a little piece. Who knows if it will go anywhere. But it's been nice, to finally put some words on the page.

The POTC au is so freaking good man. The character dynamics are just on FIRE. Everything is broken and messy and the relationships genuinely tug at my heartstrings. It's such a fascinating story. Highly recommend, even with the cliff hangers.

OH HOW COULD I FORGET PAWPRINTER? Man oh man I love all her work. The wheelies art and steals universe is freaking amazing, not an avacado had me in tears (of laughter, till things got surprisingly sad). And All that Remains...slow burn Willex perfection. Jedi Alex and Pilot Willie have my HEART.

I don't think I've read firefall and weneedglitter (or if I have, I'm just not connecting the names to their pieces. I don't always remember author names. it's a problem). I will go look for them though! Cannot wait!

For more recs, I recently binge read We Found Wonderland. I was not mentally prepared for the sheer amount of feelings that gave me. Highly recommend, if you ever want an emotional rollercoaster with an incredibly satisfying end.

Going on to more serious subjects...I'm sorry your family doesn't see your grief for what it is: honest. Better to feel everything quietly, than make it an easily understadnable performance. Fake grief is so easy to spot.

I think of that scene from "Forever," when Buffy breaks down and tells Dawn that she has to keep busy, because if she stops, it means Joyce is really gone. There's a lot of truth there.

On a tangent here but.. there was a very long period in my life when I was told the ways I expressed my emotions were "incorrect". And I found that sometimes, no matter how you show your emotions, you'll always be criticized. Numbness can be called disinterest, but sobbing can be called attention-seeking too. Too big, too small: that jury was impossible to please This may not apply in your situation but...it's okay to feel however you can. It's the only think you can do, really.

As I've said before, Grief is such an odd trickster.

Don't you ever get tired of missing people... This past year, I've been so weary of grief. Sometimes it can be so sharp, but it's that dull ache. That ball and chain, no longer cutting through your skin, but rubbing it raw, weighing you down.

And people don't like to talk about that part, because it's long and tiresome, but oh, is it there. I find it hard to talk about my grief, because sometimes there's just so much of it. I could drown in it, and that fear keeps me from looking to close. To incorrectly quote Jane Austin: "If I missed you a little less, I might be able to talk about it more."

(Sometimes it's faceable. But sometimes you just can't bear it. And that's okay.)

But what you wrote in that eulogy...the love is there. It's in every word you write. I cried reading that section. I feel honored once again to see some of your jagged pieces. You're sharing your heart, and there's just so much love.

In the wise words of an author I know, "Love is like the snow Reggie. It never goes away."

And don't worry, I'm always with you.

Sending Love,

-LydiaStan7845 (aka Vampire Anon)

So...that Reggie and Nicky prompt

my god

my GOD

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

I think it's safe to say congrats, you've officially destroyed me! I was not prepared for that at ALL. I should know better by now I guess.

I can't get over that even though they all take place in very different universe, all your stories just feel so connected! The way this talked about those headphones, which you mentioned in the first chapter of Kill Your Heroes...it's just so cool. All the characterization and backstory is just so well thought out, and it genuinely blows my mind.

I didn't think I could love Nicky Peters more. I was wrong. The way you write about him...even though you never go into exactly what happened to him after Reggie's death, you can just feel how much it's shapped him as a person. And the trauma around his father, and how he fears becoming like that, was just so beautifully written. He's just so lovable and flawed and trying so damn hard and you made my heart ache for him. Again.

You always take these genuinely crazy situations and...you just make them feel so real. I love you explore the strains such a revelation would put on Nicky's own life, it just makes everything so compellingly messy. It seriously feel like I was watching a real-life account of a family trying to deal with such a massive complication.

That porch scene had me in tears both times I read it. Reggie's just always a big brother, even though Nicky is more than twice his age now. My heart was shattered, and then you slowly mended it, piece by piece. And for absolutely no reason at all, you wouldn't happen to have a reference for the porch, would you?

Just wow. Hope you're doing well. Sending love and applause

-Vampire Anon

i’m not even gonna reply, but i want these documented... on my blog... for posterity. ( for any curious onlookers, i’m dating this anon now!! )

#vampire anon my beloved

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daltonsden · 4 years

Text

So, a couple things.

I think there may be a few things worth addressing because this has just spiraled into something that does not remotely resemble reality anymore. This is likely to be my last lioden-related interaction on here for a long time. I apologize for the novel.

First of all, any of the things, which I am still confused about what all you folks are going on about, has not happened in the Breed Only Beauties discord server. I don't understand what exactly these anons would prefer for me to do. I can't ban individuals based on alleged actions outside of my server, that doesn't seem logical or right to me. I can’t moderate actions outside of my server. If something happens in the in the server, create a ticket. I am not psychic and can not address things I am not made aware about. Everything that we are made aware of is addressed promptly.

Second, there's a ticket system in the Breed Only Beauties discord server which will connect you immediately with the admins and has an average response time of about a minute. So to say admins/moderators aren't doing anything is simply not based in reality. Many users have received warnings and have adjusted their behavior. You can also typically get an instant response you if DM any of them directly. Helpers, by the way, can not see tickets. If you are curious what most tickets are about, it’s failure to use trigger warnings. Well, actually most tickets are people testing the ticket system (please do not do this), but that doesn't really count. If you need something in the sever, create a ticket if it is actual issue in the server. For everything else, create a Tumblr post apparently.

Some, well at least one person, has complained about the choice of Aggy. I will not be demoting Aggy from the helper position. I am unaware of the alleged actions of Aggy that would warrant this (besides of course the favorite crime of guilt by association), and Aggy was chosen as a helper due to merit. They have exhibited nothing that would contradict this initial assessment, and has been doing an excellent job. If you have an issue with Aggy and believe you have evidence of why they should not be a helper, please create a ticket in the server or DM me. I am always open to being proven wrong.

Fourth, no I will not arbitrarily kick an individual because you do not like them or do not get along with them. This applies to people on "both sides". They will have to break the rules either severely enough, or enough times to be kicked. You not liking them is not an appropriate reason to have someone banned from the server. Pretty much everyone has been and will be given a chance in this server, even if I get DMs from people bemoaning their entry. So no, everyone, I will not be kicking someone because they are a clown gang, I will not be kicking someone because they are friends of Jax, I will not be kicking someone because you think they may be the user that bought out your mispriced trade last year or kinged a lion similar to yours. None of these are valid reasons. If you have a valid reason, please create a ticket or DM me. We will instantly kick users who underage, who engage in clear-intent scams, steal art, or engage in any activity that would result in a ban from Lioden.

Unfortunately, I can not dedicate my entire life to volunteer to watch every channel in a pet sim server for a small community. Realistically, this is not even dependent on my mother's condition. I just humanly can't do that, because sleep is a thing, and nor would I want to. I don't even want to spend most of my free time doing it. If you see something, report via the ticket system. As much as the salt blogs care to insinuate, I do not bear the weight of responsibility of the actions of individuals who sometimes chat in a server I set up for everyone to enjoy. I am not these people’s parent, nor can I control any individual’s actions. Also, if I were to chose to leave the server be and let the weeds grow wild, that would not make me a “bitch” as one anon so eloquently put it. Anon, you are not entitled to the volunteered time I put into building a little community for Bob. Everything I, the admins, and the helpers, put in is volunteered and not at all a given, or requirement. If I can not drop everything in a moment’s notice to service a voluntarily run discord, that does not make me a “bitch”. It is not, and will never be, my sole or number one responsibility in life. It’s a game. And to insinuate that I am somehow less than or a bad person for not being able to manage the server 100% of the time is unreasonable and cruel. Look, I’m only human. And the users chatting in Bob are only human. And there's going to be squabbles, and people are going to complain about stuff, and not always get along, and that’s okay, because that's part of being human. But I’m not always going to be online to catch it, so please use the ticket system.

Also, on to the anonymous user who posted and the salt blog who permitted this comment,” hey fun fact anon, i'm aware she's dealing with her sick mother but that doesn't excuse the terrible moderation. if she told her mods to step up or do something, they could do something so she could do what she needed to do. she's a bitch, and terrible owner. she has the power to do stuff, but does nothing.” What is wrong with you? How on earth does this progress anything, and why was this permitted to be shared? I understand everyone enjoys salt, and everyone is stressed due to the global circumstances stances right now, but moderators and posters please keep in mind there is a human on the other end of the keyboard, and thanks to the 2020 energy I think everyone is going through something. I have my mother's situation, but everyone has something right now. I have an open DM policy with players in and out of my discord, where if you have anything you need to talk about I can always provide a safe and confidential place to talk, and many, many users have come to me upset about even just the tiniest thing shared on these blogs. These words and comments genuinely hurt people, and it doesn’t take needlessly calling someone a “bitch” because they can not dedicate their life to moderating a discord server to do that. You can hurt people with much less. This request is to everyone, including individuals in the Bob discord server. I don't think anyone deserves to be just berated or cussed out needlessly by anonymous randos, not myself, not Roxanne, not Jax, not the clown gang, not Noluck, not BO breeders, not applicator lovers, not the Lioden staff. All these individuals are people who are just doing the best they can right now, I'm sure. Even Roxanne and Jax are nice, normal and understanding people if you talk to them one on one.

Yes, my mother is dying from liver failure caused by cancer. It is an awful and ugly death, especially for someone who is far before her time. Her medication to manage the pain and rising liver toxicity she is has made her very not herself, though we are finding a better combination. There are still some good days ahead I hope. She is combative, physically and verbally, and can not physically do most basic actions herself. She keeps fighting us to go back to chemo, even though it did nothing to help the tumors and would just quicken demise. It breaks my heart because I know she just wants to live and wants to fight it, but she is going to die where she lays. I just really hope I get to have a fully aware conversation with her before she passes, and that she knows I love her so much despite me being a bit of a hellion in my teens. I think it would be hard to watch if I was an observer, unfortunately I am active participant.

On the matter of me deleting things that violate our rules in server. The alternative would to be leaving up things that violate our rules, which would be the same as deeming it acceptable. This is just the strangest complaint I've seen on here. If there was a delete, someone is essentially being spoken to/receiving a strike/ECT. According to Tumblr, I'm quite the paradox, apparently, I somehow both manage to completely disregard the server while still managing to delete stuff every time insert your favorite salt blog character here does anything. Congratulations Bob, you got yourself a girl that can do both.

At the end of the day, the Bob server is a pretty mundane lioden server. If you don't like breed only marks/bases, it’s probably pretty boring. It’s really nothing like how it’s portrayed here. If it’s toxic then my vocabulary is far too limited to describe the anonymous culture on platform you’re reading this on. Usually I would suggest joining us and checking it out, but after watching the last 48 hours on Tumblr, I think I’m likely aquantited with enough users from this platform for now. If anyone is still reading, thank you for your time, I'm appreciative of it. Writing this really helped my headspace regarding the community. I should have never read the blogs to be honest, so some of this does fall on my shoulders. I won't likely answer questions, I apologise in advance. I still love you all, and I know this is just a tiny fraction of the Lioden community, but today it just feels incredibly bad.

#lioden #pet sim #petsim #dalton #breed only beauties #lionews #COAL #lioden salt #toxic culture #anonymous #jax #game culture #discord #salty lions #salt #cancer #tumblr #tumblr toxicity #tired

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orionsangel86 · 4 years

Note

So, after a long conversation with super-powerful-queen-slaynna, whom you can thank for me sending this message, so like... if you like it good, if you don't blame them, I do want to apologize for assuming you were saying people can't talk about Destiel, its shippers and how much they dislike it in their group chats. That's what the post came off to me, as if you were policing what people could and couldn't say in these GC about Destiel. Slaynna made me realiza that you meant your post as a 1/2

warning to Destiel shippers who might wander into them. I understand this, because whenever a Destiel shipper follows me, I make it a point to warn them my blog might not be a positive space for them precisely to avoid this sort of unplesant interactions. It also came off as you were invalidating and dismissing the bad experiences people might have had with misbehaving Destiel shippers, which I'm sure you're nice enough NOT to do. My beef is really not with you, or Tink, or any other Destiel 2/?

meta writer, my beef is with shippers who are genuinely hateful and do hateful things. You simply came off as you didn't believe there are Destiel shippers who do these things at all. That say, I won't apologize for venting to like-minded people about my utter dislike for the ship, because we do in fact do that. But I don't think it's fair you walked in on us at that point and extrapolated that's all we do. BTW there is in fact an Anti-Destiel GC and the irony is, if you had walked into that 3/4

one 24hrs earlier, you would have in fact found people gushing about Megstiel and Sastiel, LMAO. 4/4

...

Okay, I’ll give you pointers for being bold enough to come explain this in my ask box, and I commend @super-powerful-queen-slayyna for reaching out to try to calm the stormy seas. I am most likely not going to make any further comments on that post anyway because it has blown out of control and has escalated into a full blown ship war post which I never wanted when I sent it. It’s now Destiel shippers and my friends trying to defend me or people blatantly calling me names and using unnecessary language which I am not even going to acknowledge or give the time of day as I don’t go in for that sort of childish name calling (unless you count my use of the word bronly but some things I think even we can agree are a necessary evil).

My post was a response to my own hurt and irritation at coming across two GCs, one for Sastiel, and one for Megstiel, which were both recommended to me by Tumblr, which were not tagged as anti-Destiel that I could see, that appeared on the surface to simply be places for people to discuss and squee over those ships. In both GCs I saw nothing but hate and lies and other upsetting comments about Destiel and Destiel shippers. It was extremely disheartening to see that in what on the surface appeared to be safe spaces. Because here’s the thing, these shipper GCs should be safe spaces. I have friends that are multishippers, that like Sastiel (and even the odd few who like Megstiel even though admittedly I don’t anymore.) There are plenty of other people out there in fandom that might like all three ships (I’d imagine those people simply want Cas to have all the love in which case SAME).

To get one point very clear, I don’t actually care if people hate Destiel. I’m not going to preach to anyone about Destiel unless someone comes to me directly or comes scrolling my blog. I always tag Destiel so anyone who uses Tumblr blacklist should be able to avoid my blog completely. I would never intentionally go looking in an anti Destiel chat group. I’ve seen it all before anyway and it’s the same old arguments that really don’t affect my shipping preferences or my beliefs.

What annoyed me was that those GCs were not anti Destiel chats. They were Megstiel and Sastiel chats. They were places where impressionable young Megstiel and Sastiel shippers could come across, who have zero feelings towards Destiel, and find themselves being told a bunch of lies and nasty crap about Destiel shippers and the ship. They are places where Destiel shippers who like to ship those other ships too might come across and suddenly find themselves isolated and alienated, which only perpetuates retaliation from those Destiel shippers and potentially causes the hate that you stress is so virulent among Destiel shippers to begin with.

My post was a warning for multishippers who are also Destiel shippers or at least Destiel friendly, that those GCs were being used to spread hate about Destiel. It was also an FYI to the people in those GCs that their hatred was very much public, in case they weren’t aware. I tagged the ships because I wanted people who ship Megstiel and Sastiel to see it, especially if they are Destiel friendly, because yeah, I’d want them to avoid those GCs.

Yes I then got snarky. I claimed that this does kinda prove a point because no Destiel GC that I’ve seen includes a bunch of hate and nastiness aimed at other ships. Sure, there is a high chance that there are hateful Destiel shippers out there. There are certainly a lot of bitter people on Twitter who piss me off when they scream queerbaiting at the writers so yes, of course there are bad eggs. I was shocked that from what I saw, there was no squee or shared theories or excitement about the ships, just page after page of hate aimed at Destiel shippers. So yes, perhaps I happened upon both convos right when those topics cropped up (which would be rather coincidental) and perhaps I had just missed the topics that I was interested in checking out - the theories, the meta, the spec... That’s what I was interested in. Since these GCs are a way to keep a finger on the pulse of what the fandom might be thinking in terms of the show and shipping and I was curious. Believe it or not I actually like to keep an open mind even though Megstiel is something that gives me a bad taste in my mouth ever since I sat myself down and truly thought about it.

I generalised. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but those GC convos pissed me off. I don’t know a single Destiel shipper who would spend hours of their day just ranting about how awful Megstiel shippers are and how much they hate the pairing. I HAVE debated with friends about the suspected infiltration of the Megstiel ship by Bronlies who are using Meg to get Cas out of the way and to be spiteful towards Destiel shippers. This IS something that has been happening in recent years and I think even you admitted that in one of your replies to my post.

I also wasn’t trying to invalidate your experience with hate. I would never do that. The one thing I will say about anon hate in particular is that you don’t know who it is coming from. I occasionally get anon hate but I certainly don’t immediately assume it’s a w*ncest shipper just because I can’t stand w*ncest. Getting a message in your ask box that says “go kill yourself” is horrible, believe me, I know. But if that’s all it is, you can’t assume the sender was a shipper at all. Unless the message was “I ship Destiel and you can go kill yourself” you just can’t assume. If you have had actual Destiel shippers come and attack and threaten you and send you those messages directly then 1. I am so so sorry because no one deserves that kind of abuse, and 2. I hope you exposed them if you could. Because if there is one thing I have learnt about the Destiel shippers in MY circles, it’s that we find that kind of behaviour completely unacceptable and we WILL call it out from our own side if we see it.

The reason I have such a high opinion of Destiel shippers being the “nice” people in fandom is simply because I have never seen that kind of behaviour from them. I interact with a lot of people. I have seen Destiel shippers get overly passionate, I have seen them get upset and angry when people lash out at them. I have seen them turn bitter and negative and go off on rants about the show. I have seen them dog pile on an anti’s post to provide evidence against a false claim “Kripke said he’s straight” and I thought it was a bit much... but it wasn’t hate. It was a reaction to years and years and years of being laughed at, called delusional, mocked and ridiculed by all other sides within the fandom. Destiel shippers are desperate for validation. They are desperate to disprove the lies. If people actually listened to us, or read the countless posts that have been written clearly providing evidence and sources to disprove every lie and false claim against Destiel perhaps we wouldn’t be so defensive. That’s what happens when you’ve been gaslighted for 11 years.

But regardless, I’m not here to get involved in shipping wars. You’ll continue going on hating Destiel, and I will continue going on and, well, not hating, but very much disliking Megstiel in canon (though I have read some very sweet Destiel fics where Meg is Cas’s best friend and enjoyed the characterisations there.)

My post was never to gatekeep and stop you from ranting about Destiel. Rant away to your hearts content. As I said above I really don’t care if people hate it. All I ask, is that you keep that kind of content in places that are clearly labelled as anti Destiel. So that should a Destiel shipper want to check out a Sastiel or a Megstiel GC, they can do, without feeling completely unwelcome and hated on just for enjoying Dean and Cas’s relationship as well. I really don’t think that’s too much to ask. All it takes is one tag right? Create your Megstiel GC and by all means rant about Destiel in it, but please just tag it as Anti Destiel.

Thank you for reaching out to me and explaining your side of things. I do appreciate it.

#fandom drama #ship wars #fandom wank #this got long #and is officially the last time i'm talking about it #inkbleeder

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holdyourbreathuntilyouseelight · 5 years

Text

The Bodyguard - Chapter 4

Summary: Magnus is a dancing popstar sensation whose popularity continues to climb. Alec, an ex-Secret Service agent, is hired on as a professional bodyguard in charge of Mr. Bane’s personal security by insistence of Magnus’ manager. Despite their initial differences, Magnus finds himself falling for Alec the more time they spend getting to know each other and relies on him for more than physical security as his safety gets threatened. Loosely based on the 1992 film The Bodyguard.

Rating: M

Genre: AU, Everyone is Human AU, Celebrity!Magnus, Bodyguard!Alec, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff, Friendship, Romance, Eventual Smut, Mutual Pining

Author: holdyourbreathuntilyouseelight

A/N: I made up the instagram users so apologies if they belong to anyone! If you wish for me to remove any, please let me know. Otherwise - thanks so much for reading!!

Click here to read on AO3.

Previous chapters on tumblr: Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3

Alec flipped through various articles as Magnus was quiet next to him. It wasn't entirely unusual during their flights but he often chatted with various members of the team about whatever he had on his mind, asked questions about their lives, or got them pumped about the next city stop.

It was his head lolling to Alec's shoulder, almost startling him, that made him realize his silence was due to Magnus being asleep.

He couldn't help himself from inhaling the sandalwood smell now that Magnus was so close to him. It was nice. Calming.

Alec continued his searching, trying to find someone who might make sense as Magnus' stalker. Someone who commented on every article or post or said things that implied they weren't stable. The police hadn't been much help from the Chicago venue, and the list Raphael and Magnus provided hadn't had any glaringly obvious suspects, so he was trying to take things into his own hands the only way he knew how–Internet creeping.

Unfortunately, there were a lot of 'thirsty' comments across the internet so it was tough to narrow it down.

Where the stalker clearly knew where Magnus lived, and had a lot of intimate photos that suggested they had learned his routine, he wondered if it was someone who knew him personally. Maybe even before the fame, so that now that they felt he owed them more than he did others. More attention, more gratitude, it was hard to tell.

Alec stopped on an article about 'Banecourt'. Seeing Magnus posed with Camille hanging off his arm made his stomach twist. His only experience with her was not a positive one, and he knew that wasn't going to change if he spent more time with her.

Even looking at those photos, he could see a tightness in Magnus' eyes that wasn't something he saw these days. The photos were dated months prior to their 'devastating' break-up. The biggest war between fans about Magnus was those who shipped the couple and those who didn't – the latter arguing that Magnus was clearly happier without her, and Alec was inclined to agree.

Did that mean Camille had stalker tendencies? She clearly wasn't a stable, sane individual, but that didn't necessarily translate to becoming Magnus' personal stalker. She was there that night, at the venue the message was left at. She knew where his dressing room was. Was it possible she snuck back in somehow, past security, and planted the message while Magnus was on stage?

If not her, maybe another scorned lover? Or wanna-be-lover?

Magnus stirred in his sleep, and Alec flipped articles to his win on the talent show.

"Mm, we there yet?"

Alec looked out of the window. "I'm still seeing only clouds, so I'd say we're still in the air."

"Smart ass." Magnus grumbled, but he left his eyes closed and snuggled into Alec's shoulder further. Alec automatically adjusted himself and swept an arm around Magnus' waist to hold him more comfortably, grateful they hadn't put the armrest down between them earlier.

Magnus must have been exhausted; he normally wasn't this touchy-feely with Alec. And Alec didn't know when they got to a point that they were comfortable enough with each other to sit like this, especially without bickering, but he supposed Magnus not talking much was a good help.

"Shouldn't be much longer. The plane map says just over half an hour."

"Good." Magnus replied, breath fanning against Alec's neck as he settled closer against his side.

Alec couldn't help but think of his phone call with Izzy earlier, when she asked if anything was going on. He could certainly say this was new territory for him. Obama certainly had never cuddled up to him during a plane ride.

But it didn't have to mean anything. After all, Magnus was a celebrity, not the president of the United States. The professional line was much less strict. And he and Magnus sharing a hotel room had certainly sped up their relationship some. He didn't aggravate him as much as he once did, and Magnus listened to him more than he used to. That may have been aided by the stalker scare, but Alec still took it as a win.

He was touched when Magnus genuinely confessed on Ellen to trusting Alec with his life. He had hoped he was making the star feel safer but hearing the words from his usually stubborn mouth was still satisfying.

Still, trusting Alec to essentially do his job did not translate to wanting to date him, despite what Izzy thought. And Ellen had basically asked him about having feelings for Alec and he denied them, but that wasn't much to go on either, as he doubted even Magnus would use a public setting to broadcast feelings he had yet to share with the person they were for.

Alec didn't know why he was stressing over this. He didn't have feelings for Magnus. He was just growing to like him as a… friend of sorts.

Yeah. That was all.

He pointedly ignored the swoop in his stomach when Magnus snuggled even closer in his sleep.

"You're not going to put her in a headlock if she tries to hug me, are you?" Magnus asked with a raised eyebrow.

Alec shot him an unimpressed look. "No, obviously."

"I wouldn't claim it as obvious – you have put your hands up to stop more than one fan from getting too close, no matter their age." Magnus reminded him.

Alec scoffed. "Forgive me for fearing for your safety when some stranger runs at you at full speed, reaching their hands into their pocket or coat. My mind is trained to assume the worst."

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Well you can tell your mind to chill out. Raphael said the winner of the contest is young, around nine or ten, and she is a foster kid. I highly doubt a child, even in foster care, knows how to operate a gun or will pull a knife on me."

Alec put his hands up in mock surrender. "I'll keep my hands to myself."

Magnus typically was pretty involved with his fans, regularly hosting meet and greets, reaching out via social media, and, of course, holding contests. Most of his contests involved actually getting to meet him, whether it be VIP tickets to a show where he'd meet them backstage or pull them up during a song, or, like this one, they'd win a recreational day with him.

Magnus, as always, was thrilled to get a chance for one-on-one time with a fan, especially someone younger. It typically was teens or older who won these things, despite always being open to all ages.

"Magnus? Alec? Madzie just arrived." Luke told the pair, sticking his head into the room.

Magnus clapped his hands together excitedly before heading to the main room they had rented in the hotel to host the young girl.

A small, dark-skinned girl was standing shyly next to Dot, one of Magnus' back-up dancers. She was the one who had accompanied her in the limo as she also was part of the facilitators for the contests. Raphael wasn't much into running those types of contests, so she did the most of the work, including meeting up with them to bring them to Magnus.

"Here's Magnus!" Dot said excitedly, looking down at Madzie.

Madzie's little face broke into a big grin but she stepped behind Dot's leg a little to shield herself from his gaze.

Magnus' feigned offense, putting his hand on his chest. "Madzie! You don't have to be afraid of me. I've been counting down the days until I get to meet you. Are you ready for a fun day together?"

He crouched down several feet away, opening his arms, but leaving it entirely up to her to close the distance between them.

She only hesitated for a moment before running into his arms for a tight hug.

"Hi, sweet pea! Thank you so much for coming to see me today." Magnus told her as he let her go.

She was smiling brightly at him now.

"So! I have a few fun things planned for our day, but you let me know if there is anything you want to do, and I will do my best to make it happen."

He took her hand and led her out of the room, Alec following closely behind.

"Don't mind him. He's my bodyguard. He wants to make sure you and I both stay safe so he's going to hang out with us today too."

Madzie nodded and flashed a little smile over her shoulder. Alec smiled back easily.

They got into the hotel elevator and Magnus pressed the P button.

"Do you know where we're going? The P in this elevator does not mean Penthouse." Magnus leaned down to whisper. "I heard you like to swim."

Madzie's face lit up immediately, even if she hadn't said much yet, and Alec found himself smiling in the corner as they passed through the floors to their destination.

Magnus, thankfully, could hold a conversation all his own. He went on about all the places he wanted to swim someday, even fictional places, and Madzie giggled along and watched him like he hung the stars in the sky.

Alec could admit it was a little endearing to see Magnus so charming with children. He supposed he should have known, since he was charming with all people Alec had seen him interact with.

"So I have Dot bringing us down something special to wear, but this whole place is ours for the next couple hours!"

Madzie's eyes went huge as she looked around the large indoor pool, complete with a couple water slides and plenty of toys in the baskets along the wall.

Dot came in to the room a moment later, grinning widely at the pair. "So Madzie, I brought something for both you and Magnus to match if you're up for it. A swim suit, of course, but also… these!"

Madzie actually squealed this time, and Alec found his face breaking into a grin like the others. She was pretty adorable. This day would be more enjoyable than Alec had initially anticipated. He was expecting some spoiled child that would demand all of Magnus' attention and take advantage of the star. He was glad to be proven very wrong.

"Let's go get dressed and get this pool party started!" Magnus said, snatching the larger of the two mermaid tails from Dot's hands and bounding off to the change rooms.

Alec followed dutifully as Dot led Madzie to the girl's room.

"She is so precious." Magnus said, as he whipped his clothes off behind the curtain and pulled on swim trunks.

"She is." Alec agreed.

"I know you've noticed. I could tell even she melts your icy, Secret Service agent heart." Magnus teased.

"My heart is not icy. I just am focused on my work." Alec retorted. "Plus, I like kids."

"You do?"

"Yes. I grew up taking care of younger siblings, including my baby brother, who is ten years younger than me. And holidays at boarding school, I was always the oldest, so kind of the surrogate big brother."

Alec corrected his throat, realizing he was oversharing, but Magnus chose that moment to step out. Then his mind had to focus on not staring at Magnus' exposed upper body.

He had seen him shirtless plenty of times before. At his house, dancing on stage. A few of his numbers during his concerts involving no shirt or barely one, but being this close to him and in private made his head spin a bit.

"Izzy seems to think you're a good big brother. She wasn't shy about sharing how amazing she thinks you are, and I only talked to her for a few minutes."

Alec shifted his weight between his feet, looking away now.

Maybe recognizing his discomfort, Magnus changed the subject. "Time to swim!" He skipped past him and returned to his guest of honour.

Alec followed, reminding himself to be less awkward, and the pool party began.

It ended up being a pretty fun day, for all involved.

The swimming lasted a good couple hours, and Madzie started coming out of her shell more. She was giggling constantly, flipping her mermaid fin alongside Magnus' and having fun splashing and playing with the various toys. Magnus dragged her next to him through the water so she sped through it like a true ocean-dweller.

She even smiled up at Alec plenty, seeming to enjoy his and Magnus' banter back and forth, and preened under the compliment when Alec told him he liked her fins. She wagged her tail at him excitedly, and Magnus knew the mermaid tails were a good idea.

After swimming, it was time for eating lunch. Magnus had a whole kid-friendly buffet prepared and watched with glee as Madzie had fun picking different things to try and sample before loading her plate.

Following that, Magnus had rented out a private bakery kitchen and they worked on decorating pre-made cookies and cupcakes. Magnus insisted on Alec joining them, especially after seeing how much Madzie had warmed up to him in their short time together. Alec, apparently a sucker for her big brown eyes, agreed after she looked up at him hopefully.

Magnus' competitiveness came out as soon as they got down to business.

"I like lots of colours." Magnus was saying as he dolloped a blob of icing in spots on the cupcake he was working on while Madzie squirted wiggly lines on her cookie.

He opened his mouth to ask Alec if he wished there was a black coloured icing when he saw what Alec was working on.

"WHAT is THAT?!" Magnus exclaimed.

Alec startled at the attention, looking down at the cookie he was decorating as if searching for something he was missing.

"What do you mean?"

"That!" Magnus said, flailing a hand at it. "What, do you secretly run a bakery as a side job? Or go to Decorators Anonymous?!"

Alec laughed when he realized he was, in a back-handed way, complimenting his decorating skills.

"That last one doesn't even make sense, but is it really amazing or is it just because you can't even best a ten year old?"

Madzie seemed to love watching the two of them bicker, smiling to herself as she worked quietly, sporadically peeking up to watch the pair.

Magnus did not shy down from biting back a retort, accenting it with a flick of his wrist, but he unfortunately had the icing bag still in his hand and a spurt of it hit Alec's forearm.

Alec chewed his tongue for a moment, raising his eyebrows in challenge at Magnus.

"I… I swear I didn't mean to do that…" Magnus began, covering his mouth to hide a laugh.

"Oh? Is that right? I can see the deep-seated remorse in your eyes." Alec said, stepping slowly down the length of the counter, eyes locked on Magnus'.

Alec glanced towards Madzie, and his face twisted into a grin.

"Let's get him, Madzie!"

And with that, he grabbed a fistful of sprinkles from a bowl and threw it at Magnus. Madzie squealed and ducked behind Alec's giant form as Magnus shrieked and squeezed hard on the icing bag to send more in his opponent's direction.

And so began an epic food fight.

The clean up wasn't fun, but Alec told Magnus they had to do at least some of it so Madzie could see that actions have consequences. Magnus reminded him that Madzie was spending a day with her celebrity idol and wasn't there to learn life lessons but he felt too guilty leaving it all for someone else so he agreed in the end.

Magnus had a clean-up crew come in after them, shooting them a sheepish smile as he ushered the small girl out of the room, and Alec followed amusedly.

Next up was watching a movie in a recreational room the hotel had for rent – it was gigantic, a TV almost half as wide as the wall and nearly as tall. They had more snacks set up – bowls of candy, buttered popcorn and Shirley Temples.

Magnus, of course, proposed making a blanket fort with the provided puffy blankets and collection of pillows.

Once settled, with Moana playing on the big screen, Madzie sat between Alec's legs as he twisted parts of her hair into cute pigtail braids. He admitted his time with the Obama girls, when they were younger, involved requests like this during the more boring days at the White House, so he had some experience with her type of hair.

Once he had her feeling pretty, she scooted down to lay on her stomach to watch the screen intently. Alec and Magnus, laying outstretched against the couch, tossed popcorn back and forth at each other when the other wasn't looking. They kept trying to best the other by having the projectile land somewhere inconspicuous, like in the space behind Magnus' collar or the gaping pocket of Alec's pants.

The pair of them were downright giggly, which definitely was new for Alec. He blamed the ridiculous amount of sugar they had consumed aiding his hyperactivity.

The movie finished too quickly for any of them, and that was the finale on the day with Magnus for Madzie. Dot popped in the room with an apologetic smile.

"Time to go, Madzie."

Madzie pouted but jumped up obediently, hugging Alec first and then Magnus.

Alec was a little surprised but petted her hair affectionately, hugging her back, and when Magnus hugged her, he hugged so tight that he picked her up and swung her around.

"You were the perfect princess all day. Thank you for today." he told her genuinely.

"I'll miss you. Thank you for the best day ever." she said in her little voice, the most words she had strung together in a row all day.

Alec could practically see Magnus' heart swell in his chest.

Madzie hugged him a second time as a goodbye before following Dot out of the door with a final wave.

Magnus feigned fainting after that, pulling an unexpected laugh out of Alec.

"She is so precious. I would adopt her in a second if only I was looking to settle down with a family now. I don't know how no one has snatched her up yet." Magnus said as they started returning the fort materials to their rightful places.

"Well, is there ever a right time? Most parents get blindsided by kids coming around when they least expect it. I know my parents did."

"Yeah, I agree." Magnus sat on the couch. "I just… I feel like I need a partner. Not everyone needs one to raise kids, I get that, but I need someone who can reel me in when I'm tempted to spoil them rotten or going over-the-top. Honestly, I don't know if I'm father material. I didn't exactly have any parental role models growing up."

Alec looked sideways at him, getting comfortable on the other end of the couch. "Did you not see yourself with Madzie today? You're amazing with kids – I see it every day you interact with your young fans. You treat them like equals. Every one of them. You'd be an incredible dad. Madzie, or any kid, would be lucky to have you."

Magnus smiled, eyes on the carpet, and the softness in his eyes let the reality of what Alec said catch up to him. He hadn't meant to go on and on like that. He just wasn't used to seeing Magnus admit vulnerability, or fear, and it brought out his protective nature.

Magnus spoke after a pregnant pause. "You know, Dot said in the car, when she asked Madzie why she liked me so much, that she looked up to me because she said 'he's like me'. From foster care. I never really thought of inspiring those people when I set out to follow my own dreams, but I think I'd want to adopt someone from the system. I may have grown out of the system but I'd love to save another kid, or more, from having to endure that."

Alec watched him, heart warming at the thought. He forgot what Izzy went on about when she tried to give him the run down of what made Magnus so amazing when she heard he got the job originally. Now that he said it, he remembered that Magnus had lost his parents young. His mom died when he was eight, father was never in the picture, and step-father gave up custody immediately. Or went to jail. Or both, Alec couldn't really remember. But the point was, he got thrown into the foster system early, with no family. He was passed from abusive home to neglectful home until he turned eighteen and could stand on his own.

"I think that's a great idea."

Magnus seemed lost in thought, so Alec got comfortable at the other end of the couch. He pulled out his phone and saw a new message from Izzy, commenting on the couple posts Magnus had put up already.

"Izzy approves of your Instagram choices." Alec commented.

Magnus beamed. "I do know how to pick them. Speaking of, I should finish the series off."

He grabbed his phone and sifted through his photos from the day, selecting a bunch to post. He reviewed his Instagram story, unable to help smiling at the sight of Madzie playing in the pool and throwing food before using Alec as a shield against Magnus' projectiles. When Magnus had tried to hide, Alec had thrown Madzie on his shoulders and got her to pelt him with marshmallows while he cried for mercy.

He wasn't used to seeing Alec looking so playful and lighthearted. He didn't know Alec could even have fun, but there was no doubt he was when he saw the video evidence. The skin around his hazel eyes crinkled, and Magnus swore his smile could light a city, his laugh melodic in the background mixed with Madzie's giggles.

It seemed his followers appreciated the bodyguard being included in the day's recap too. The comments on his posts could be divided by the usual thirsting for attention or reply from Magnus, gushing over how cute and lucky Madzie was, and then a good chunk talking about Alec.

@baneisbae Why is Magnus' bodyguard hot af AND good with kids?

@bane_lover: Pretty sure no one wrote on the contest that they would get both Magnus AND his smoking bodyguard for the day. I demand a recount.

@magnusis2fab4u: Okay Ellen totally called it – Magnus and his bodyguard are definitely a thing, right?! Magnus – you can't avoid the question forever! We want #Malec confirmed!

Magnus looked over at Alec, who was on his phone still, no doubt continuing to text Isabelle about his day. He had learned how close the two siblings were once he started getting to know Izzy, and that Alec was just as close if not closer to their adopted brother Jace.

Magnus looked at the time. It was still early. And honestly, he didn't feel anywhere near ready to turn in for the night.

He spotted the game console and jumped to his feet, perusing the collection of games in the cabinet before turning back to Alec with a smirk.

Alec felt his stare and looked up. "… What is that look for?"

"Fancy a friendly game?" Magnus waved a plastic case at him.

Alec raised an eyebrow at him. "If you're thinking we're going to play that game, friendly is the last word I'd use to describe how it will go."

Magnus grinned. "Oh don't use that as an excuse to get out of me creaming you. Here." He tossed him a controller. "You're player two though. You need to get used to the fact that I'll always be number one."

Alec rolled his eyes at him. "We'll see about that. Game on."

"Alexander! Are you kidding me?!" Magnus shouted as they sped around the race course and Alec once again shunted him on his way by and knocked him into a wall.

Alec just laughed. "Be lucky we're not on Rainbow Road right now."

"Oh just you wait."

"Magnus!" Alec groaned. "Stop throwing those damn green shells in the tunnel!"

"Ooh sorry! Can't hear you over my streak of getting first place!" Magnus taunted, his car doing its victory lap after crossing the finish line.

It had been a couple hours of MarioKart and it had gone about as well as Alec predicted. Lots of throwing insults at each other back and forth and nudging shoulders from their spot next to each other on the couch.

It wasn't long into the next track that Alec got some revenge.

"Alexander! Don't you fucking dar—"

"Sorry!" Alec laughed maniacally as he sped by Magnus' twirling car.

"Stupid red shells." Magnus grumbled as he tried to get back up to speed.

They were naturally competitive so this type of game was the worst idea, but there was no doubt both parties were having fun. Alec hadn't heard Magnus laugh this much in all his time knowing him, and Magnus was a generally jovial person, especially on stage and show appearances.

"Bastard! You did NOT just banana peel me right there?!" Alec griped, watching the other vehicles speed past his stalled car before going the extra inch to cross the finish line and coming in fifth.

"Rainbow Road time! Prepare to lose. Again. You must be used to it by now." Magnus teased.

"Hey, you've only won about half. I've held my own, thank you very much."

Sure enough, Magnus found Alec was better than expected at the famously challenging track. He had fallen off the edge a couple times on the sharper turns and well placed holes while Alec had still not slipped once despite some close calls.

They were starting on their third lap now and Alec was miles ahead of the rest, Magnus back in fourth, and he knew Alec wouldn't let him live it down if he beat him on the hardest level.

So he did the only logical thing he could think of.

"Hey!" Alec cried when Magnus suddenly snatched his controller out of his hands and held it above his head.

"Oh sorry, did you need this?" Magnus sneered, waving it behind him as Alec practically climbed in his lap to grapple for it.

"Magnus! Stop being such a child!" Alec complained, wrestling with him properly now.

They had been too close to the edge of the couch cushions due to the intensity of the game, so of course, with the shift of weight, their tangled form ended up toppling to the floor.

The controller bounced a few inches away out of Magnus' hand when Magnus' body slammed on top of Alec's.

"Oof." Alec grunted, hands automatically gripping Magnus' waist to steady him and unintentionally slipping under the loose material of his shirt.

Magnus was breathing heavily from their battle, their bodies fully aligned, and he looked down at his companion in surprise at their position.

Alec's bottom lip was between his teeth, his body frozen, and his hazel eyes searched Magnus', waiting for some sort of reaction. Some quip or innuendo that was typical of the other man.

Magnus couldn't help but have his eyes drawn to Alec's lip, watching the soft flesh yield to his blunt teeth, and he was licking his own without thinking.

He couldn't help his mind drifting back to the comments made by his followers. Alec really was gorgeous, all dark lashes and porcelain skin and sculpted cheekbones. And, thankfully, not dating his sister. And good with kids. And supportive and kind when he wasn't being a bossy, pain in the ass.

"Magnus…?"

Just hearing his name said so breathily made Magnus' stomach flip. It had taken some time, but he finally stopped using 'Mr. Bane'. He liked the way his name sounded coming from the other man's mouth. Especially like this. So silky and unbridled.

Alec's thumbs were drawing slow arcs above his hip bones. Magnus wondered if he even realized he was doing it.

He could just lean down and kiss him. Pull that bottom lip in his mouth, suck and nibble and bring out a groan from Alec. Make him feel good. Make him give up control.

Fuck, what was he thinking? This was Alec he was talking about. He'd probably slap him silly for even trying. Alec may be kind but he still found Magnus infuriating—that much could not be denied.

Magnus corrected his throat and backed off of Alec so he could sit up, brushing his clothes and getting to his feet.

"Well, looks like we both lost this round." Magnus said, glancing up at the TV to see the other characters had long since finished the race and they were in 7th and 8th.

Alec got to his feet, and Magnus was disappointed to see he wasn't meeting his eyes.

"We should probably get back to our room. Tomorrow is another early one."

Magnus nodded and began packing up the gaming system, trying not to worry that his moment of weakness may have ruined their good, progressive day of friendship.

Alec lay in bed that night, staring at the ceiling, and tried to get the end of day's event out of his mind.

He had had a lot of fun that day, way more than he anticipated, and more than he ever expected as security detail. Taking this job on was certainly a change of pace, and it only was proven more every day. He didn't expect to end up actually liking spending time with Magnus, but today had proven him wrong. Especially after Madzie left and they still managed to have fun together.

And then Magnus had to fall on top of him and Alec had to feel every line of his body. Had to smell the warm, woodsy scent of his cologne. See every fleck of colour in his chocolate eyes.

Alec laid like a deer in headlights while Magnus stared down at him like he had never seen him before. Like he was some wondrous sight to behold.

But then, just as quick, he was getting off of him and referencing the failed game they had been playing, and Alec felt like an idiot.

Magnus had just been stunned by the fall, taken off guard. He hadn't been about to kiss him.

Right?

Continue to Chapter 5

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #malec au #malec fic #shadowhunters fic #the bodyguard fic #celebrity!magnus #bodyguard!alec

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fortunatelylori · 5 years

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Hi! I apologise in advance if this question comes off as antagonistic, because I'm worried that it will, but please know that I'm genuinely curious. I've been reading some comments by you and @nothinghappensinalstonville and noticed you're both very critical of Sansa during her arguments with Jon, and seem to think he was absolutely right and she was absolutely wrong. (part 1 of 2)

My question is, can you elaborate on why – if you believe she undermines him and her advice to him is always wrong – you think she’s a good match for him, why you think they’d be a good team, why she’d be a good queen to his king? I’m sorry, my question sounds petulant even to my own ears, but I don’t mean it that way, I promise! I truly would like to hear your thoughts on why she’s good for Jon when you seem to think she’s been so wrong in all their interactions. (part 2 of 2)

Dear nonnie,

…..

I’m trying very hard to contain my frustration right now because you seem like a very nice person. However, I spend a lot of time and energy writing my posts and comments. I try, to the best of my abilities, to be fair and as objective as I possibly can and explain my point of view in detail. That takes quite a bit of thought and effort on my part so to know that, in your case at least, all of that was an utter and complete waste of time is a deeply disheartening feeling.

To make it clear, I have no issues with people disagreeing with me or having different interpretations. Nor do I have issues with people sending me asks where they challenge my views. What I do take issue with is when my opinions are misrepresented or I’m accused of saying things I didn’t say.

If you’re genuinely curious to find out my opinion, you could have checked out my blog before sending me this ask. I have a meta page all set up for anyone to go through and see what my opinions are.

There is a tendency in the GOT fandom to believe that stanning a character should mean that you believe that character is above reproach, is never wrong and anyone who might disagree is not a “true fan”. By and large, the Jonsa fandom is more open to debate on the nature of characters than other groups but even in our little corner, there is a tendency to try to protect the character of Sansa from any and all criticism, mostly in relation to Jon.

I understand the impulse to a degree. Sansa has been my favorite female character since season 1. I’ve gone on the bat defending her time and time again and I understand people being protective of her because Sansa is very much a maligned character in the rest of the fandom.

However, the way I stan characters doesn’t conform to this approach. To give you a clear example, my favorite literary character of all times is Scarlett O’Hara. That’s not because I believe she is perfect and beyond reproach but rather because of the complexities of her character that include both positive and negative traits. My liking of Sansa Stark is the same.I like characters, flaws and all and I have no problem discussing those flaws and I don’t think I should stop doing it just because fans in general are unfairly criticizing Sansa. That is not a valid argument to me. I would find it completely disingenuous and hypocritical on my part if I spent my time criticizing every other character, which I do, but stopped myself from doing it with Sansa because my opinion does not conform to the general consensus of the Jonsa/Sansa fandom or because she’s already unfairly criticized in other places.

So, let’s get this over with:

seem to think he was absolutely right and she was absolutely wrong

you seem to think she’s been so wrong in all their interactions.

I never said that. In this post I said the following:

My problem with the way this whole thing is presented in the fandom is that it’s taken as a very black and white issue and people feel compelled to either defend Jon or defend Sansa.

The discourse is either:

“OMG! Look! Sansa is undermining Jon! Dark Sansa is coming, people! Alert the presses! This episode … this season … in 2035. It’s coming!“

“Sansa is right. Jon is stupid. He makes decisions with his heart, instead of his head.“

Except that things are never as simple as that and it’s this type of decision that could cost you in the larger scheme of the game of thrones. Deciding whether to pardon the child of a bannerman that betrayed you could go many different ways.

And also:

So to say that Sansa was right in this situation and Jon was wrong is oversimplifying things. It’s those kinds of decisions that a medieval king/lord is always struggling with and there is no 100% guarantee that you will make the right choice. Jon and Sansa are very young and they have a huge responsibility on their shoulders. There’s a lot you need to learn in order to be a successful ruler, and that goes for Sansa as well as Jon.

In my addendum to that post, I also said:

I have also talked in the past, on several occasions, about Jon being a poor communicator, acting like a lone operator and blindsiding Sansa with his decisions despite them needing to act like a united front.

In a post I wrote just yesterday, I said this:

Since season 6, Sansa has been frustrated that Jon doesn’t listen to her:

1. When she argued that he shouldn’t take Winterfell until they had enough men.

2. Before the battle of the bastards, when she warned him about Ramsay and felt that he wasn’t taking her opinion into account

3. In season 7, when she argued against his decision regarding Alys and Ned.

4. In season 7, when she felt he was paying too much attention to the NK and not enough attention to Cersei.

5. Still in season 7, when she told him not to go to Dragonstone and he blindsided her by announcing to everyone that he was, in fact, going.

So this: “this is the way he is, the way he’s always been. he never listens to me” business is a standing issue between them since the start of their relationship in season 6.

I didn’t find it strange that she would say that. She was angry and venting and she’s frustrated with Jon always doing things without talking to her or taking her opinion into account.

if you believe she undermines him

Except I don’t believe she’s undermining him which is why I wrote an entire meta attacking the “undermining” argument that you can find here.

In case you don’t want to bother reading all of it, here are a few excerpts:

Now people have pointed out that, as one of his vassals, Sansa has every right to question him publicly. The problem is that’s not how Jon sees her. He very distinctly separates Sansa from the rest of his court. And since we already had the “we need to trust each other” scene at the end of season 6, I think it’s safe to assume that he sees the two of them as a unit that is supposed to be on the same page so the fact that Sansa speaks out against him in public, instead of privately, feels like a betrayal.

However, if there’s one thing you learn sooner or later, is that there are two sides to every story. That’s why it’s never a good idea to side with one party whenever couples fight.

Because if we look at things from Sansa’s perspective, you can see how she might feel dismissed. The fact of the matter is Jon isn’t the world’s greatest communicator and failed to talk his decision over with Sansa before announcing it to the Council, which in turn makes Sansa feel sidelined, hence her aggressive snark and Joffrey digs.

And that’s because the audience support is very much skewed in Jon’s favor. Being on tumblr, sometimes you forget that the Jonsa fam is very much the minority and that exclusive Sansa fans are the unicorns of this fandom (#love4unicorns). The vast majority of this audience will not look at Jon as an unreliable narrator, as every character in this show is, but as the ultimate authority on how this scene should be viewed.

If he says he feels undermined, then it must be because he’s being undermined, which by extension means that Sansa will betray him.

I simply believe that just like Jon, Sansa makes mistakes not only in their conversations but in her approach to certain issues, like the Alys/Ned incident. Jon and Sansa’s arguments, in my opinion, are not clear cut or black and white. There are points to be made on both sides of the debate and pretending like Sansa is completely correct and Jon is wrong is oversimplifying things, as is the reverse. I’ve already talked ad nauseam about the Alys/Ned situation. So here are a 2 other examples:

Sansa warning Jon that they don’t have enough men prior to the battle of the bastards:

She is correct in that they don’t have enough men. That doesn’t change the fact that they’re stuck in the middle of freezing, wintry terrain, a fact that is brought into the plot by Davos who says Stannis lost the war primarily because of the weather, which is in fact correct. In addition to that, by that point they’ve already tried to gather up more men and were denied at almost every turn. It’s not that Jon can’t count, it’s that he doesn’t see any possibility of getting more men and is afraid that he’s going to lose the men he has if he waits. That is a valid argument.

The reason why Sansa is so resistant is because she knows there’s the possibility of getting more men but dreads having to resort to calling the Knights of the Vale because Littlefinger comes attached to that particular deal. Jon can’t really be blamed for that since he doesn’t know.

Sansa warning Jon that Ramsay will try to trick him:

She is correct in her assessment of Ramsay. However her: “Don’t do what he wants you to do” isn’t going to help Jon much, is it? What does that mean? How do you build a strategy around that? She doesn’t know either. Saying that Jon should have listened to Sansa in this instance is … I mean, listen to her about what? He can do absolutely nothing with the info that Sansa provides.

Her being angry that Jon doesn’t specifically ask for her opinion in a meeting where she is present is also, quite frankly, debatable. Could he have asked? Yes. Could she have just said what she thought instead of taking her frustration out on him in private? Also yes.

That’s about it … These are the instances where I kind of lean towards Jon’s point of view more than Sansa’s but also acknowledge the fact that she has reasons to say the things she says, thus making it a more complex situation than one of them being wrong and the other right.

For those 3 instances, I am now stuck writing another extremely long post trying to defend what are not, as far as I can see, opinions that should garner this amount of controversy.

But since now I must also atone for those opinions by proving just how much I love Sansa, here is the list of reasons why I believe they’re a good match and she’ll make a good queen to Jon’s king:

1. She is more politically minded than he is. Their debate on trusting Tyrion is proof enough of that. She also has experience in dealing with an extremely treacherous court in King’s Landing and that will prove very useful in managing their future court. An experience Jon completely lacks.

2. He has a tendency to be impulsive whereas she is more controlled and strategic. They balance each other out. Jon is a big picture thinker which is fine but that can cause him to miss details that might turn into huge conflicts later on whereas Sansa is much more aware of the subtleties of situations and can identify potential risks.

3. Jon has a hero complex and a self-sacrificing streak, where he wants to save and protect everyone. Sansa is more willing to accept the possibility that you can’t always do that. But Jon will continue to try to protect people so he needs someone to protect him, sometimes even from himself which is what Sansa can do for him.

4. In my post regarding the alliances that Sansa and Jon can make, I called Sansa the most eligible match in Westeros. The amount of allies and strategic power she can bring to the table is undeniable and will be among the main reasons why they end up king and queen.

5. They’re both humanists. Despite Sansa’s more calculated temperament (something she learned, btw because naturally she’s not a calculated person), she would have given a mob of people that attacked her and almost raped her bread if she had had it, she takes charge of calming the spirits of the women during the Battle of the Blackwater and as Jon’s regent, she supervises the food storing and preparations for winter. They both have the same view of what leadership is and the kind of leaders they want to be. They both very much see leadership as a duty and want to do right by the people that they govern.

6. On a personal level, they’re both romantics who dream about a quiet, domestic life. They want to have children and raise a family. So their personal goals and temperaments are aligned.

7. Jon is insecure, particularly when it comes to how other people view him and since the moment they have been reunited, not only has Sansa understood that but given him the validation he needs to feel secure, content and happy. In turn, Jon can be the brave, gentle and strong man that Ned promised Sansa and that she’s always dreamed about.

8. They fight a lot, they both make good and bad point along the way but at the end of the day, their fights are constructive and lead to both of them growing and developing as people. They push each other to be better.

There are probably many more reasons that can be added but this is all I can come up with at this time.

One more thing I’d like to add before I finish this:

I was under the, perhaps mistaken, impression that people sending me asks or reading my blog were interested in my honest opinion on topics and not just in answers and posts that validate their pre-existing views. If that is the case, I don’t think my blog is for you. I will never shy away from expressing my thoughts on a subject, even when that might be controversial. So if that bothers you, I understand. Please unfollow me, block me or otherwise scroll past me if you feel leaving a comment disagreeing is not enough. I don’t want to make anyone’s fandom experience anything less than a happy one, if I can help it.

So, in an effort, to keep the Jonsa fandom experience a positive one for myself, I’d like to let everyone know that this will be my final answer on this subject. If you’re ever tempted to send me an ask telling me that I don’t think Sansa is entitled to voice her opinions, that I think Sansa is undermining Jon, that I’m trying to steal her agency in order to prop up Jon or that I think Sansa is always wrong and Jon is always right, please know that I will delete those asks and not answer them. I really don’t like doing that because I love talking to you guys and I really appreciate your interest in my blog and my opinions but at this point, if you still believe all of those things, there’s literally nothing I can say that will change your mind. Thank you for understanding!

Have a nice day, nonnie!

#jonsa #jon x sansa #i don't really know how to tag this to be honest #I don't want t add fandom wank because it kind of isn't #i guess it's about jon and sansa to a degree

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rapturcd · 5 years

Text

R U L E S

- DISCLAIMER: This blog is SUPER glitchy for me. Why? Who can say other than this place is a hellsite. I might at some point have to try out moving to a new account depending on how bad it gets. I have a lot of issues with my notifications and follower count, so there might be a very good chance I might miss something or miss you following me, though I do try to check where Tumblr will actually allow me. If that’s the case, please don’t be afraid to send me a nudge through IMs!

- I’m on the fence as to whether I’ll include other non-Bioshock related verses. Considering the rpc for the game is nearly non-existent on here, probably be the smarter choice, but currently, it’s a no. Nick’s story is so heavily intertwined with that of the first two Bioshock games, I cant picture his character being in other verses and it having as much impact. This could change in the future or if something is heavily plotted out. Overall if you want to interact, it will have to be within the world of Rapture. But - you are more than welcome to hmu or approach me with something if you have an idea.

- Reblog memes and the like from the source please. My notifications are already wonky

- I will NOT interact with blogs that use youtubers, social media influencers, or anime / drawn characters for their Fcs. Nothing against you, it’s just not my thing.

- I will BLOCK personal blogs that reblog or follow, as I like to keep interactions here between fellow rp mutuals.

- As stated this blog is SELECTIVE, meaning i will only write with mutuals. if i dont follow back there’s genuinely no hard feelings, I just get very overwhelmed with an overly busy dash and need to be a bit selective to prevent my anxiety from going nuts. you’re more than welcome to unfollow. though its very much a mutual thing; if you want to interact but dont follow me, chances are I’ll say no as I take following as a sign of interest. I may take a while to follow back as my notifications on here are the worst. If I don’t follow back within a weeks time, feel free to unfollow.

S M U T:

- While I, and my muse, are of age, I’m not entirely comfortable writing smut unless it’s with a mun 1.) I know well and 2.) Is of age. Nick lies more on the romantic spectrum than outright sexual. So for the most part any if it all suggestive scenes will lead to a fade to black.

T R I G G E R S:

- The world of Bioshock is horrific and in many ways gross, and Nicks story is no cake walk. There will be mentions, and maybe the occasional image, of : Blood, Violence , Medical related subjects, Imprisonment, Torture, Needles / Injections , Mutation , Mental Illness , Child Abuse , Terrorism , & Riots / Civil War. I will ABSOLUTELY tag NSFW material and triggers where applicable, though if you would like me to tag something specific to your needs or if there’s something I missed, don’t hesitate to let me know and I will do so right away!

M U N:

- I write under the alias Nox! ( She/Her ) and I am of age.

- i am a-okay with questions, especially about my muse! if you have any about anything at all i will be more than happy to answer them the best i can! Also totally fine with random IMs even if we havent talked before so hmu.

R U L E S / O T H E R THREADS:

- usually, i dont drop threads, but if for whatever the reason i do, i will always let you know beforehand and would hope that courtesy would extend to me as well if you decide to drop one.

- if you want to turn a meme or ask into a thread, I’d prefer to be asked before hand. simply because sometimes its nice to have memes just be memes for the fun of it you get me.

R E S P O N S E T I M E / A C T I V I T Y:

- As it is i have a hard time keeping muse, just the way i am sadly. i know this is something a lot of people, myself included, can find frustrating (especially when you’re really into a thread) but a fair amount of the time i may take a while to respond. as much as i love this, aside from being a hobby, i have a chronic illness that makes me exhausted most days or just not in the mood to write and not in any kind of state to type out a response you lovely people would deserve. though i will always try to quickly reply when i can.

M E M E S:

- Yes. please. send as many as you want, as often as you want. Even if we haven’t interacted, you’re free to send one my way; They can be a great place to start things off.

P O S T L E N G T H:

- You don’t have to match my length in posts! sometimes i can write far too much when i get really into writing (and alternatively not write enough), so don’t feel obligated or pressured to follow suit by any means! whatever you are comfortable with is totally okay! it’s not a contest, this is all for fun.

G R A P H I C S / C R E D I T:

- all icons and graphics are created by me unless stated otherwise

- psd (heavily edited) originally by kingsleigh

- icon border ( edited) originally by jaynedits

#≈ pgs ≿

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bruceedickinson · 6 years

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Do em all man im bored and need something to read xD

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?I used to when I was suffering from depression, not anymore though, I’m happy with the way I am2: What is your full name?Suzanne Michelle [last name]3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?20, I usually got mistaken for someone who was 14-16. I don’t really get that much anymore (maybe I’m curvier than I was a couple years ago lol)4: Have you ever dyed your hair?Yep, been dying it for nearly two years5: What’s your eye color?Hazel green6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with itI love it the way it is (I have off days every now and then but everyone does); it might not be petite or whatever society strives for but who cares, I love being thick. I’m extremely comfortable with it, never been more so at any point in my life7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?No tattoos, one piercing in each ear8: What would you say is your best quality?Possibly my ability to empathize, not sure9: What are you really bad at?Math10: What talent do you wish you had?Athletics11: Are you nice to everyone?Overall yes I am. I can be a right asshole at times though (but usually that’s only if the other party is being an asshole first)12: What do you think about the most?Bruce/Maiden, but I’ve had the Saxon m&g on my mind since it happened, I really wanna meet my goofy South Yorkshire boys again13: Things you like/dislike about yourselfThings I like:Taste in music, brows, eyes, hair, curvesThings I dislike:Scatterbrained tendencies14: What is your least favorite word?Ex-friends’ names probably15: What is your favorite word?Tomfoolery16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?I’d say I’m a good mix of both, at times I’m very much like my dad since we’re both neurodivergent17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?Yes, it happens somewhat often too18: A reason you’ve lied to someoneI didn’t want them to know about my tumblr or something like that19: Are you lying about anything right now?I don’t believe so20: Have you kissed someone older than you?Yes 😏21: Do you believe in love at first sight?Yes22: Do you believe in soulmates?Yes, although I believe it’s possible for someone to have multiple people they can have that connection with23: Are looks important?It depends; for me, looks get me interested but the personality is what does me in24: Opinion on relationship age differencesAs long as both parties are above 18 I don’t really care, but for me personally I prefer a guy who’s older than me, their maturity level is more closely related to mine that way25: Would you date someone off the Internet?I wouldn’t say no to the right person26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?Yes27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?YEP LMAO28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?No one29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?I’ve become friends with a lot of people my ex-friends used to talk shit about if that counts30: Have you ever liked your best friend?No31: How does someone win your heart?Charm, charisma, dorkiness, ability to make me laugh, self-confidence/unafraid to express how dorky/goofy they are, mutual interests, kindness, patience, expressing interest in friendship first rather than a relationship/flirting nonstop from the get-go, I like knowing that you genuinely want to get to know me rather than just half-assing things in order to get into my pants as quickly as possible (in which the joke’s on you, I’m not sleeping with anyone until marriage)32: What turns you on?A nice smile, facial hair, traits I mentioned in the previous question33: What turns you off?Arrogance, misogyny/general bigotry, when a guy I don’t know starts flirting/asking if I’m single not two messages into a conversation34: Do you get jealous easily?I used to, not anymore35: What is your definition of cheating?The moment your heart and mind actively belong to someone else when you’re already with someone36: Do you forgive betrayal?Depends on if they’ve genuinely changed or actively want to change, I’ve had instances where people acted that way towards me at first but it didn’t take long for me to realize they just missed treating me like shit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯37: Have you ever been cheated on?No38: Have you ever cheated on someone?No39: How often do you listen to music?Literally like all the time I’m not even exaggerating40: First concert you attendedNeil Diamond tribute in 200641: Last movie you watchedHeavy Metal Thunder: The Movie42: Favorite type of movie80s/90s, I also really like documentaries (if those count)43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?Yes44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?Yes45: Do you fall in love easily?I don’t fall for people my age very easily, whereas I fall for any band member who interacts with me lmfao46: Do you think people say I love you too much?No, I think people don’t say it enough47: What’s your favorite holiday?Halloween48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?Yes, and I do49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?Any Maiden, Priest, Saxon or Ghost show/the front row at said shows50: What’s your “type”?(preferably stocky) Dark-haired men who are massive dorks and can grow hella nice facial hairThank you!

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ingu · 7 years

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i feel like so much about fanfiction’s predicament is that so much of it is personal (often sexual) fantasies brought to life. fanfiction is accountable to no one really for the simple fact that a. it’s freely created, and then it’s trouble comes because b. it has been made freely accessible.

in the ‘real world’, there are certain social rules which mean that sex as a broad topic is typically off the table in every day interaction. and much of it ties in with the general fear of male sexuality alongside the oppression of female sexuality which twists together and ties into pseudo-religious policing of what types of porn is appropriate and what people should be allowed to get off to. so much baggage is carried from ‘the real world’ as such that displays of male sexuality is often automatically read as aggressive and oppressive even when it is under female control. likewise, the complexities of (particularly female) sexuality in general has been so oppressed and removed from mainstream discussion that people seem unable to grasp the function of fantasy. And all of it is done without consideration for context and nuance.

i want to talk about power and control here because it seems to be the perceptions around it that is causing so much conflict. and i think that certain elements of anti-logic actually does carry weight in that fandom as it currently stands isn’t really structured in a way that allows people to ‘not see’ things that they find distasteful. tumblr is dependent entirely on a self-policed tagging system and personal curatorship which is spotty and unreliable. and even personally, i have lost count of the amount of times i’ve scrolled to find something (usually kinky) I personally find confronting reblogged without comment or acknowledgement by mutuals I trusted. And then there is ao3, which offers no easily accessible options to exclude tags and similarly makes no effort to filter its explicit works from default search the same way that fanfiction.net has done for a long time.

The result is that short of each person individually compiling a long list of tags containing every single thing that they do not want to see or experience and applying it to each search attempt, each of us is going to be forced to read through several summaries referencing rape, abuse, or incest just to find whatever it is we each enjoy. And really, at the end of the day, the things these antis don’t want to see are hardly insensible when you simply step back from the fandom environment you’ve been so immersed in and look at things with the eyes of, dare I say it, I regular person. Is it really wrong to walk into a library wanting to find a nice fluffy au of some sort and having to find it on the same shelf next to half a dozen hardcore pwps?

It is really quite easy for people who are used to this system to put the blame people for complaining too much and not taking enough responsibility for themselves. But again, there is a fact to be acknowledged in that so many people are genuinely children. In turn, society places a certain onus on older people to protect them from being exposed to certain things before they are emotionally capable of handling it. Would you show a 14 year old your kinky bdsm porn when they ask if you have written something original about their otp? And yet it is default and acceptable for ao3 and tumblr to do just that. And is it really surprising when these same 14 year olds express their anger and confusion the same way that most teenagers often resort to - through bullying and harassment?

I am in no way saying that the bullying and extremist rhetoric that is prolific in fandom is in any way acceptable. But I think there is something to be said about the irresponsibility of a large part of fandom in that we are so wrapped up in protecting our right to produce and consume kinky porn that we are neglecting the fact that people are in fact continuously being hurt by the structures we have set up. Would it be terrible if ao3 excluded its explicit works in default searches so minors (and adults alike) wouldn’t have to read tags such as ‘bestiality’ and ‘parent/child incest’ when they are just venturing into a new ship (or fandom in general) and just getting their bearings? Is it really wrong to add more warning options to the current three (rape, mcd, violence) to include things like abuse and incest when the point of warnings is to protect the people who don’t want to see it? What makes incest or bestiality more pure than rape fantasies?

And I think all of this comes back to fanfiction’s growing identity issue. Because as we mature more and more as a literary genre, the nuances within the genre itself needs clearly distinguishing. You wouldn’t walk into a video store or a library and see hardcore pornography placed side by side with Tolkien, and that is where the frustration of so many people come from.

An alternate line of argument may be that – yes, why not put porn and tolkien together? Fandom has such deep roots in fantasy, especially that of the sexual kind, and prides itself on progressivism. Female controlled porn should be given front and centre attention and be respected and acknowledged. You cannot conflate fanfiction with commercial media. the latter is created to Make Money TM and actively promoted and distributed on a wide commercial scale. The former are passion projects utilising existing characters that exists for no reason other than the creator’s personal enjoyment (as well as the enjoyment of other like-minded people). Don’t like? Don’t read!

But the thing is, changing the structure to be less confrontational doesn’t mean that people’s rights to produce and consume kinky porn are sacrificed. It just gives the people who don’t want to see it better tools to protect themselves. If you are in the mood for abusive porn and you know exactly what you want, and can use the tags to find it. But for people who are hurt or made deeply uncomfortable by topics like incest or rape… is their comfort less important than your convenience? Libraries acknowledge differences in genre in that you won’t find The Ring put in the same section as Love Actually. And they respect that not everyone wants to see naked bodies and put their pornography together on an out of the way shelf or even behind a curtain. Fandom, and again, ao3, does not allow that. And people are justifiably frustrated.

It is so easy to dismiss all ‘antis’ as some seething swarm of irrational hypocritical youngsters who don’t do anything but hate. (Admittedly, people like that do exist). But at the heart of it all, is it really crazy for a blogger to rant on their private blog about how they don’t want to see incest or an ‘abusive ship’ when looking for fic about a different otp? Everyone’s headcanons are different, and something which may not necessarily be abuse to you can be that way for another. Why is it that respect is only deserved when it conveniences someone’s preferred side of the argument?

And I’ve talked about the oppression of female sexuality and fear of male sexuality earlier. But so much of that are issues around society, and baggage that we all carry no matter what. There are platforms for remedying the misconceptions around rape fantasies, bdsm, torture porn, underage porn, and so on. (They are fantasies constructed and consumed in a safe environment one can exit at any time, and does not hurt any real people. The same way you can murder a garrison of enemy soldiers in a video game and feel empowered but also not condone real life war and violence.) I don’t think respecting people’s boundaries around what they wish to be exposed to is going to directly impede those whose purpose is education.

Because at the end of the day, we still live by the rules and expectations of the society we exist in. And becoming more mature and popular as a genre brings with it the politics of scrutiny. If we want to become more accessible and less misunderstood, maybe a step toward respecting our peers is the right thing to do.

#well this got long #m: fandom meta #the discourse #mind mumblings #antis come in different flavours #and i feel like there are some reasonable arguments #buried under the abuse and poorly thought out discourse

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