#natalie girl how did it feel to live my dream | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lacyscabinet · 9 months

Note

Nat comes back from hunting, and reader isn't there, and everyone didn't see her, and then Nat finds her in the small shack where shauna usually was with Jackie's body

Reader was huddled up with the sharpest knife, and it was covered in blood

(Basically reader was gonna commit)

I NEED ANGSTY 😓😓

SORRY IF THIS TRIGGERS :(

A/N: thank you for this request <3, as someone who has struggled and still struggles with sh, I feel like I need to spread a little message through this note, you are enough, I know that everybody says that, and I know that you might think it's pathetic, but it's true, it doesn't matter if you failed a test, broke up with your s/o, messed something up , did anything you regret doing or even not doing, or if you just don't feel like sticking around anymore, only one thing doesn't have a remedy. I struggle to believe it myself sometimes but in the end there is always something worth living for. Think about it. Emotional pep talk over, sorry for rambling, hope you'll like this fic<3

MASTERLIST

WARNINGS : knives, attempted suicide, suicidal ideation, depression, sh, blood

You're losing me

Another day hunting, another day without finding any game, everyone was starving back at the cabin, and the frustration Nat felt was sickening.

And the team worshipping Lottie and going as far as saying that Lottie was providing more food than her made Natalie see red.

Travis wasn't helping much these days, grieving his little brother, long story short, everyone was on edge, you more than anyone else.

Nobody really knew how much you were struggling, you tried to open up with Natalie once and she didn't really catch up on the way you felt, she just thought you were really sad that day and comforted you.

But it was deeper than that, at first when you all got stranded, you were full of life, hopeful to get rescued and go on with your life, but as the days, the weeks and the moths went by, the bright glimmer in your eyes dimmed gradually, only leaving a hint of emotions when you cried, you felt drained, tired and sick, not the type of tired that a good night of sleep could fix and not the type of sick that painkillers could tame.

And then, with all the things you've seen, all the things you did, it was all in order to survive of course, but you still did it, you did it.

As time went by you started to think about the way you would be way more useful if you died, not only you wouldn't have to eat food, leaving more for your teammates, but you also would become food, and a part of you hoped that someday you'll become useful to the others.

You thought and you even dreamed about it, not feeling pain anymore, not being completely useless anymore, and one day, you took matters into your own hands.

That day, a shivering Natalie, fresh out of another failed hunt, looked for you in the cabin, simply to spend some time with you since she was gone in the snow the whole day, she searched and searched but you were nowhere to be seen.

"Mari? Have you seen Y/N" Natalie asked the girl who was busy cooking something definitely not nutritious enough to make the team feel full, Mari shrugged "I saw her this morning, she was going out, I thought she was looking for you"

Nat frowned, thanking Mari and going into the living room, a bunch of the girls sat there around the fire, and of course, you weren't there

"God..." Shauna spoke up, looking around the room "Has anyone seen my knife? I think I lost it"

The others shrugged as Natalie reached for the door, searching for you outside.

She was used to the ironically burning cold, but still, it wasn't pleasant.

Walking around the outside of the cabin she couldn't help but curse you and hope you were okay at the same time.

After a faint noise she froze in her spot, paying attention to her surroundings, and then her eyes widened when she heard a loud sob.

Looking around, she realized that there was only one place the cries could come from, the tiny wooden shelter next to the cabin.

As she walked closer to it the noises just got louder and louder, and she was sure that it was you, she could recognize your voice everywhere after all, but "why is she crying?" Nat kept thinking.

When she entered the shed, she couldn't believe her eyes, yes, you were there, but Shauna's knife was there as well, covered in blood.

At first her mind wanted to believe that you found game on your way to join Nat in her daily hunt, and you were just cutting up pieces of deer meat, but when she noticed your sleeves rolled up and deep vertical slits on your wrists all the hope in her mind was gone.

She was losing you.

And you yourself, couldn't feel a thing, after the painful cuts, you found a certain peace in the warm feeling of blood pouring out of your veins, a bold contrast compared to the freezing weather.

Nat cursed, she was shocked, but she knew that she couldn't allow herself to be in shock, she had to help, she had to do something .

She was losing you.

"Hey! Hey! Can you hear me? Please baby, can you hear me?" She cried out kneeling next to your body

You weren't completely unconscious, wobbling between the two worlds, and in a moment of consciousness, the only thing you could say was "Nat..."

She instantly replied, eagerly trying to get some more words from you "What baby?"

"You can... when it's time, you can...you can eat me, you have my permission...please do it Nat, you deserve to live"

Natalie couldn't believe the words coming out of your mouth "No, no, don't say that, you are gonna be okay, you're gonna be fine"

And in that moment your vision went black.

She lost you.

For three hours. The worst three hours of her life.

As soon as you passed out, she picked you up and brought you back inside.

After seeing your conditions everyone was alarmed, Tai quickly stitched you up as best as she could, and then Nat proceeded to clean you up from all the blood you lost.

Coach Ben let the girls lay you down in his small room, and after that they all collectively decided to leave you alone with Nat for a while.

She held your hand the whole time, clinging to the feeling that you weren't gone, you couldn't be gone, your heart was still beating, a faint beating, but it was working.

When you opened your eyes, she was there, squeezing your hand with her own, eyes closed and a tear stained face

Just like in the movies you thought, but you weren't in a safe hospital at the end of a movie, you were at the start of your little personal hell.

And even when she held you tightly after she noticed your wide eyes, you couldn't help but wish you were somewhere else.

After all, maybe she really lost you that day.

A/N: I think I just poured my soul into this fic. Hope you enjoyed, stay safe <3

#natalie scatorccio x reader #natalie scatorccio #yellowjackets #nat scatorccio #nat scatorccio x reader #nat scatorccio x #natalie scatorccio x y/n #writers on tumblr #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you

170 notes · View notes

spicywhenspeaking · 6 months

Text

If I'm There: Chapter Twelve

read from the start

summary: Noah and Natalie meet in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

warnings : mentions of alcohol abuse. this story contains mature themes, minors do not interact.

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @thebadchic

It's the first Saturday in a while that I don’t have work and all I want to do is watch movies and rot in my bed. I decide to wait to talk to Noah about the voicemail, I don't want to think the worst It doesn’t stop the feelings from festering but I’m trying to be mature.

I head downstairs to grab something to eat for breakfast and I see a letter on the kitchen counter addressed to me. It’s from the scholarship fund I applied for last year.

Dear Miss Howlston,

We regret to inform you that we are unable to process your application due to it being incomplete. You are therefore ineligible for the McGovern Scholarship Fund……

My breathing goes rapid as I read the words. Inside is the application I sent in. I flip to the end page, tears welling into my eyes and blurring my vision, and see the highlighted section where my Mom was supposed to sign. It is empty. I asked her over and over and over. I even sat in front of her with a pen but she was too preoccupied with opening her next bottle of wine to pay any attention. I should have just forged it. Why didn’t I forge it?!

“What the fuck.” I whimper out as heavy tears fall like raindrops.

“What the fuck!” I repeat. My limit has been reached. I cannot hold it in anymore.

I crumple the paper, forgetting the bowl of cereal I prepared on the counter, and run upstairs as sobs begin to wrack my body. I get to my room, slam the door, and dive head-first into my pillows as another sob leaves my mouth. I grab my phone and try Noah’s cell, the feelings of jealousy are pushed away for the moment, I just need to talk to him.

Ring ring ring ring *click* “Hey Natty! It’s Nick, sorry Noah just ran out with Alex to grab everyone coffees. I guess he forgot his phone, what's up?”

A teenage girl can only handle so much in so little time, I cannot handle this. One hit after the next and now when I need Noah, just to hear him and talk to him he's with some other girl he didn't even tell me about. “Nick, I-” I pause. “Just forget I called. I’ll talk to you later.” I say and as I press the red end-call button I hear Nick's “Wait, Nat-” click.

The emotions I’m feeling are in an epic battle for dominance. The sadness and anger I feel towards my Mom, the loneliness and heartache I feel towards Noah. Is this life with him? Just waiting and hoping I hear from him. I should have told him how I felt about it before now, now I’m upset. I’m angry. I lay back against the pillows as fresh tears fall onto my cheeks and I hear a soft knock at my door.

“What?” I call out.

“Um, can I come in?’ Kyle asks softly.

“Sure.” I roll away from the door so my back is facing him as he opens up and takes a step inside.

“So I saw the letter in the kitchen,” he says and walks towards the bed. I feel it dip as he takes a seat on the corner. “I’m so sorry Nat.”

The tears fall harder and he places his hand gently on my shoulder and squeezes.

“It was the biggest one” sob “I ca-can’t afford the sc-schools I applied to without it.” I wipe the tears from my eyes. “The money I’ve saved from work is supposed to go towards moving and housing. Fuck. Why did I think art school was a good idea? What was I thinking? I’ll be stuck here for the rest of my life while everyone else is off living their dreams.” I know I’m being melodramatic but I don’t care.

“I have some money saved from working with Dad this summer,” Kyle tells me in a soft voice. “you could have it for school.”

I turn around, surprised at his offer. “Kyle. I couldn't accept that. You earned that working for Dad, having probably a horrible summer.” He laughs at my comment.

My phone lights up with Noah's contact photo. I stare at it for a few moments before hitting the end call button sending him to voicemail.

A few seconds later its ringing again and I reject the call and turn off my phone. I just can’t talk to him right now.

“Um, is everything alright?” Kyle asks awkwardly after noticing me decline Noah’s calls.

“Yeah…well. Sort of? Not really. It’s complicated. I need to talk to him but I don’t want to right now. It’s.-” I look at Kyle and he has an unnatural look of concern on his face. “I know you don't want to hear about my relationship drama. You said so yourself.”

A look of shame crosses his face. “I was an asshole, in more ways the one and I’m sorry for saying that. You can talk to me about anything Nat.” I sniffle as more tears continue falling. “I appreciate that Ky, I really do. I just don’t want to think about this thing with Noah and this scholarship thing, you know I didn’t even get to apply for financial aid because Mom didn't give me her proof of income. I’m totally screwed.” I wish I could call her. Yell at her for ruining my future. Scream at her for being so selfish, for being sick, for making Kyle and I take care of ourselves for so long. “I can apply for student loans I guess,” I mumble out, the last thing I wanted to do was build a mountain of debt. “Ugh, I don't want to think about it anymore.”

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Kyle asks.

Sitting up in bed I wipe the remaining tears from my face. I know my eyes must be puffy and red but with a small smile on my face I agree to the movie. “As long as it's horror, no lovey stuff right now. Just blood and guts.” Kyle laughs, “deal”

We go downstairs and decide to watch “Sinister.” It offers an escape from my current thoughts and after watching Kyle tells me he’s ordering a pizza for dinner. Dad texted that he’s staying at his house near his job site since he has an early morning, not much of a surprise.

When I get into my room I turn my phone back on and see I have some missed texts from Noah.

Noah: hey Natty :) Nick said you called, you ok? 1:20pm

Noah: Sorry I didn't call last night, the show ended late and we all stayed up until like 4am. 1:20pm

Noah: Natty? Everything okay? 1:35pm

Noah: call me when you get a chance, I miss the sound of your voice. 2:26pm

I stare at the messages. “Everything okay” I repeat in an annoyed voice. “No, everything isnt okay. My future is fucked and I have no plan.” I say to myself.

I take a deep calming breath and call Noah.

Ring ring- *click* “Natty! I’m so glad you called. I miss you so much.” Noahs voice is light and happy and I just wish he was here. Two weeks between tests or projects goes by with lightning speed, two weeks without Noah moves at a glacial pace.

“Hey Noah.” My voice is soft and I have to clear my throat to break through the tightness forming. “I miss you too.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night,” but you did call, you just didnt know. “We didnt leave the venue until like midnight, it was wild. So much fun, I wish you were here.”

“Yeah, sounds like you guys were having a really great time.” I’m trying to hide the emotions in my voice, just wanting to hear him and pretend nothing is wrong, but that can’t last forever.

“Is everything alright Nat? You sound…weird, not weird but..you don't sound like yourself.” Noah says.

Fuck, so much for hiding my emotions. “um I just got some news from my scholarship application today that was upsetting, and last night -” I try but Noah’s voice cuts me off.

“Was it less than you expected?” He asks.

“They denied me the scholarship and last ni-.” Noah cuts me off again.

“What??!” Noah almost shrieked and I had to pull the phone from my ear. “Denied? With your grades? And you got first place in the last youth art contest last month, how could they deny you? When did you find out?”

“Um yeah, it's because my mom didn't sign something, I didn't realize it was sent in without it. I feel like such an idiot.” I mutter out defeated.

“Fuck, Natty. That sucks. Did something else happen? You called this morning and then just disappeared.” Noah questions.

“Well yeah, you did call me last night Noah.I guess you pocket-dialed me.” I tell him. “You were talking to some girl and she was asking you about the next leg of this tour. She was saying how much she’d miss you if didn’t go with them.”

“Oh. Shit.” he breathes. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just Alex from the band we're opening for on the tour, she doesn't mean it like anything.”

“But you said maybe.” my voice is small.

“Well I have to consider it..Nat. it's a huge opportunity. You understand that right?” He sounds exasperated, like wondering how I could be opposed.

“And school? What about that?” I ask, with more edge in my voice than I meant.

“Alex dropped out and her band is getting huge, I don’t need a high school diploma to make my dreams come true,” he responded with a slight sting in defense.

“Oh, and whatever Alex says goes huh? You're just dropping out?” And now I’m getting angry, the festering feelings that disappeared with the movie are returning with white-hot intensity. “You were with her last night after you said you’d try and call me and then this morning I got that letter that absolutely destroys my future and when I call Nick answers and you are busy again with her..” I bite out.

“What are you implying?” he asks.

“I’m not impling anything, I tired to call. You were busy. Thats a fact.” I bite back.

“I’m sorry Natty, but nothing happened on the trip, with Alex if that's what you're thinking,” he says. “This kind of exposure is exactly what I’ve been working for. I thought you would be excited for me? I thought you believed in me?” Now his voice is small, like he’s genuinely upset and I feel sick that I’m the one that would have caused it.

“I don't think anything happened. I trust you, Noah. I'm just going through a lot right now. I hung up on Nick because I was upset and then I didn't return your texts because I was still upset. With you, with my mom just about everything. I needed you.” I take a deep breath before continuing. “Of course, I believe in you Noah, but I mean you're talking about just leaving school? We're seniors, so close to graduating already why throw it all away when you're so close.

“If I don't take this chance now I'll be throwing away this dream, there's no guarantee I'll get this opportunity again.”

“So what? Do you want me to just sit around and wait for you to call? I mean that is if you call?” I ask him.

“Why is this a fight? I thought you'd be happy for me?” Noah’s voice is rising with frustration.

“It’s not a fight Noah, I just thought you’d take the time to at least talk about it with me about it first. I mean you talk all the time about our futures like you want them to be together but you’re making these huge decisions and not even telling me about it first.” I try to keep my voice steady but I know it's wobbling a little.

“I haven’t even decided yet, you’re talking like I’m doing this to hurt you. I am thinking about our future Natty, you could alway come with me?” He says and I scoff.

“You’re not serious, are you? I could graduate early but not until the spring and after all the work I’ve done with my GPA. You’d ask me to just drop out?” I ask.

“You’d ask me to say no to this opportunity?” Noah questions in response.

“You know what Noah? I think we should just talk about this when you get home. I have a lot of homework that I need to work on and this is just too much right now on top of everything else.” I tell him in a defeated voice.

“I’m sorry Natty, I love you. I didn’t want to talk about it like this. I can’t stand you being sad because of me.”

“I love you too Noah, It'll be okay. Let's just talk later okay?"

We finish our goodbyes and I toss my phone back on the bed and take the homework out of my backpack.

The rest of the week is slow. School and work are uneventful. Noah and I barely text and it feels awful, what happened? It was great for months and he leaves for two weeks and falls apart? Is our relationship that fragile?

Friday I’m working behind the counter while a jazz trio plays for the night as our live musical guests. I don’t hate it, I guess. Noah is supposed to get in tonight but we didn't really make plans, I’m not sure if I’ll see him. I’m busy checking the syrups and making sure all of the milk options are full in the fridge when I hear someone clear their throat behind me.

I turn around and like just the thought of him caused him to appear Noah is standing in front of me.

“Hey Natty”

Next chapter here!!!! Thank you besties!!!!!!

divider from here!

47 notes · View notes

highwaytothedangerzone502 · 4 months

Text

Foxtrot Alpha Alpha - Chapter 27

Pairing: Hangman x Female OC

Word Count: 2074

Warnings: Talk of death, angst

Summary: Hangman learned his lesson a long time ago to never show his true feelings when someone's words or actions hurt him. To do so showed weakness that could be exploited, and Seresin men couldn't show weakness. Of course, there was an exception to every rule, and Jake's always came in the form of women, three in particular: his mom, Juliette Kazansky, and the girl whose name he could no longer bring himself to speak. She was the girl that got away; she was his biggest 'what if' and his biggest regret; she would forever be the ghost that haunted his dreams. Jake believed that's where she'd stay, for he would surely never see her again after what he did.

Or so he thought.

Notes: This is the sequel to India Lima Yankee; I'm using the same callsign for the Female OC as in Ghost Story because I just really like it, but they are different characters; chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Also sorry for the delay in posting this (again). I just got settled into my new place, so trying to get back into the swing of updated. Also happy belated birthday to Juliette and Ghost, who both share my bday :)

Chapter Songs: Stay Blindedsided

****

Ghost and Hangman left Texas the day after the funeral. It turned out to be a rough day for both of them because, after the ceremony, Jake had left the Blackwoods to grieve at their patriarch's headstone in private- despite knowing they would've been perfectly fine with his presence- and strolled through the cemetery until he came to a stop in front of a familiar marble stone inlaid into the soft grass. His body had reacted on its own accord as it slowly collapsed to the ground onto his knees. Hangman's eyes had stared at the engraving on the stone: Natalie Seresin.

He had talked to her, apologized for getting her killed, for cutting her beautiful life short. He told her of the fiasco he'd made of his life: how he'd pushed everyone he ever loved away, how he'd fucked things up with Ghost, how terrified he was to screw it up again, if the fallout would destroy him like it tried to last time. It'd come so close to succeeding before…

Hangman had told her of Michael Seresin's health issues and how Nick was on the lam; how he and Matt were rekindling their brotherhood and trying to be a family for once in their lives; how adorable her granddaughter Sophie was and what an asshole Jake had been to hold off meeting her for so long because of his anger at his father and brothers.

Ghost had found Hangman. She had silently knelt beside him, taken his hand in hers, and waited for him to speak the first word. He didn't remember what he said, but they ended up in his truck mindlessly driving on back roads for hours, sometimes chatting, sometimes not, but those silences never felt awkward, and only when they returned to North Island did Hangman's fear of losing her rear its ugly head again, telling him he didn't deserve her, let alone a second chance.

It was those thoughts that consumed him while he and Ghost sat on his couch with alcohol in hand. She had dreaded spending the night alone tonight, and Hangman was more than happy to oblige her request to stay with him for a bit. They were in the middle of watching the 2005 Pride and Prejudice, which she and Juliette adored. It'd even surpassed Ghost's love of The Notebook, and honestly, Hangman could kind of see why. It certainly had a happier ending!

"Okay, Mr. Darcy-" he began, pointing at the TV with his whiskey glass and nearly sloshing the liquid out- "or Noah Calhoun?"

Ghost groaned in despair. "Why would you do this to me?"

"Because I love you." The truth slipped out so casually, but Ghost would never suspect he meant it as anything more than platonic. She had never figured it out after all these years, and Hangman was content with the situation because it let him get his feelings off his chest without any risk of getting his heart well and truly broken by her inevitable rejection.

"That kind of question makes me think you hate me. If I had to choose…" Ghost bit her lip and then took a sip of her Bailey's and whiskey. "Darcy. I'm such a sucker for the brooding type."

"Is that why you fell for Rooster?" Hangman teased, bumping her knee playfully with his.

She glowered at him, but the hint of a smile tugging on her lips took the venom out of it. "We were both in shit emotional states, and he looked a lot better brooding than I did."

Hangman's face fell into one of disagreement. "I hold an informed opinion when I say you look better brooding. This may have to do with me having to watch Bradshaw pine for Juliette from the moment he saw her when we arrived for the training. Don't get me wrong; I get it with their history, but still, annoying to deal with on a daily basis. Especially because those lovesick puppy eyes were involved."

Ghost raised an eyebrow at him. "You staring at Rooster's face a lot?"

"I had to gauge my competition, both for the training detachment and romantically. Bradshaw wears his heart on his sleeve, and you can see whatever he's feeling. From the first night we arrived, he had his eyes set on her. I had history to contend with, and I figured out pretty quickly winning her heart was a lost clause."

"You really liked Juliette, didn't you?" The question came out more of a statement, and Hangman winced at the sound of it. "I knew you had a flirtationship, but I never realized you had genuine feelings for her."

Hangman shrugged to give an air of indifference. "It is what it is. My family isn't exactly lucky in love, except for Matt."

"I've seen the way girls look at you. You could have any girl you want. What gives?"

None of them are you. "Haven't found one I clicked with in a long time," he replied, eyes trained on the amber liquid in his glass before knocking the rest back. "You want more to drink?"

Ghost nodded and followed him to the bar, where he poured their glasses fuller than he should've. He probably didn't need more, considering the strong buzz he currently felt, so Ghost had to be buzzing as well, although if she was, she didn't show it outside of talking more animatedly. She'd always been able to hide her drunkenness well. Sometimes too well.

"Who was the girl you clicked with?" Ghost prodded. "Was it back at the Academy?"

"Yeah, but she didn't feel the same. We shared one drunken kiss, and that was it. I was actually doing it to save her from some creep." Jake bit his tongue, realizing he might've said too much. Ghost would figure out he spoke of her if he said anymore. He had to move past it. "It is what it is. Besides, I'm happily married to my job."

Ghost leaned against the bar on her forearms. "Did I know her?"

"Yeah, you knew her." Hangman hoped his short response would end that topic of conversation.

Ghost had other ideas. "Who was she?"

"I don't see the point in saying it since it's in the past, and telling you now won't change anything about it."

"Well-" Ghost began matter-of-factly- "she missed out, but I think you got it wrong about her not returning the feelings. All the girls at the Academy had a crush on you at some point. Hell, I'm pretty sure a few of the instructors did."

Hangman searched her eyes, and a certain amount of anxiety crept into his heart. She knows. She knows I'm talking about her. But why isn't she saying that aloud? Is Ghost trying to save me from the embarrassment? Or maybe... is she trying to save herself from it?

Hangman decided to play the game. "All the girls," he echoed, straightening and stepping closer to her. "Does that include yourself?"

Ghost stood but still leaned against the counter. He saw her breathing hitch a little, giving him his answer. "Like I said. All girls had a crush on you at some point."

He took another step toward her, so close now that one deep breath from either of them would cause their chests to touch. "And now?"

Do not start anything! This is a bad idea. Abort mission. Abort! Abort! Abort! The warning bells clanged loudly in his head, but seeing Ghost's eyes drop to his mouth wiped those thoughts from his head in one fell swoop.

"Jake-"

His name rolling off her tongue broke him. Hangman leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, soft, restrained, and questioning, giving her the opportunity to pull away in case he'd horribly misread the signs. In case he'd overstepped any boundaries.

Ghost hands found their way to his face, gentle but firm. Hangman's willpower caved at the green light she'd granted him, his arms wrapping around her torso to pull her close to him, her soft curves flush against his solid abdomen. He couldn't get enough. Couldn't get enough of the taste of his whiskey on her lips, the smell of her Jo Malone perfume enveloping him, the softness of her hair as one of his hands tangled up in it.

"Stop." Ghost's quiet voice dragged Hangman out of his euphoria. He leaned back to look at her, wondering what happened, what he had done wrong.

"What is it?" he asked, carefully brushing a stray piece of hair from her face.

Ghost disentangled herself from his arms, leaving him feeling cold and empty. She backed away while shaking her head. "I can't- I can't do this."

"I'm sorry. I- what did I do? Did I misread-" Hangman started reaching out for her but immediately stopped when she stepped back.

"It's not y- I can't do this. We just..."

"What is it?" Hangman inquired, dreading where this was going.

The pained expression on her face only deepened. She opened her mouth but closed it just as fast, searching for the words she wanted. "Why? Why did you leave me?"

He blinked, processing her question, fearing the route he knew they were heading. "What are you talking about?"

"After the accident, when I was clinging to life in sick bay, when I had just lost my best friend, where were you?" Ghost demanded, taking a challenging step toward him, fury temporarily wiping away her sadness. "I died and came back, I waited for you, I asked Coyote where you were, begged God for you to come see me, and you were nowhere to be found. For fuck's sake, even Cyclone and Warlock visited me despite the shit they were dealing with in the aftermath of the accident to see how I was holding up. Phoenix, who I barely knew at the time, came to check on me. Coyote was at my bedside every day and tried to cheer me up even though he was reeling from the loss of his girlfriend, and you-" Ghost's breath hitched- "you were nowhere to be seen. Why?"

Hangman gulped, desperately trying to gain control of his mind and block out the horrific memories and thoughts that plagued him from that time. In a strained voice, he replied, "I thought you didn't want to see me. I thought- I thought you blamed me for the accident."

"Blamed you? Jake, I know Javy told you I wanted to see you. I even asked fucking Cyclone and Warlock to send you, but nothing! Why would I ask for you if I hated you? Why would I defend you in the trial for the accident if I blamed you for it? And I know you avoided me before the trial, how you always managed to disappear before I could reach you from across the room. So, I'm not buying it. There's something else that stopped you. What was it?"

"I- I can't-" Hangman found himself at a loss for words; the images of what he'd seen, of what it reminded him of, rendered him speechless, incapable of defending himself against the barrage of valid fury and hurt Ghost hurled at him. God, he wanted to tell her, to tell her everything, but he couldn't. Hangman couldn't bring himself even to the edge of that long, dark hole of endless despair he'd spiraled into after Ghoul's death. If Hangman did, he was terrified he wouldn't be able to pull himself out again.

"I have never needed anyone in my life," Ghost said, her voice cracking. Tears brimmed her eyes, threatening to cascade down her flushed cheeks. Barely able to get the words out, she whispered hoarsely, "But I needed you then, Jake. When I needed you most, you left me alone. Why?"

I loved you. That's why I couldn't be there. The words lodged in his throat, paralyzing fear taking control of his body.

Ghost scoffed in disgust. "Even after all this time, you still can't tell me. I should've known. Goodbye, Jake."

She turned on her heel, grabbed her purse, and exited his apartment, leaving Hangman rooted to the spot and realizing that goodbye had been final. She'd given him a second chance, and he'd blown it. She handed him the perfect opportunity to explain himself, and like the coward he was, he clammed up.

The black hole of despair he'd escaped for years finally won as he tumbled back into it.

****

Tags: @lgg5989 @shanimallina87 @polikszena @summ3rlotus @icemansgirl1999 @supernaturaldawning @thedarkinmansfield @lyannaforpresident @lapilark @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth @simpofthecentury @shadeops21 @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @double-j @bradshawsandbridgetons @catsandgeekyandnerd @peachiicherries @multifandomcnova @fandomsstolemylife00 @bookloverhorses @mak-32 @midnightmagpiemama @luckyladycreator2 @ellamae021 @kmc1989

Chapters: Chp 1 Chp 2 Chp 3 Chp 4 Chp 5 Chp 6 Chp 7 Chp 8 Chp 9 Chp 10 Chp 11 Chp 12 Chp 13 Chp 14 Chp 15 Chp 16 Chp 17 Chp 18 Chp 19 Chp 20 Chp 21 Chp 22 Chp 23 Chp 24 Chp 25 Chp 26 Chp 27

If you're not on the tag list and want to be, just let me know :)

11 notes · View notes

theinkedfoxsl · 27 days

Note

was that questions post like an oc ask game but for you instead? i bet other people have asked questions but i want ALL OF THEM. bc i think u are so cool. please :3 n for 36: what is your very favorite time of day and why?

HHHHHHH

What is your nickname?

Len :3

When is your birthday?

I don't celebrate it! But I celebrate my name day on October 29th

What was your longest relationship?

5 years this June with Henrik :D

What is your favorite book?

Ripper by Stefan Petrucha. I was obsessed with it as a child

What is something you're insecure about?

Rn? My voice cracks. They're pretty bad with where I'm at on T and they embarrass me

5 Male celebrity crushes

Pedro Pascal, Joaquin Phoenix, Nic Cage, Ryan Gosling, and Hugh Jackman

5 Female celebrity crushes

Can I put Natalie Dormer for all of them? But her, Salma Hayek, Nicole Kidman, Jessica Alba, and Kesha!

What is your dream job?

I wanted to be a writer for a game company.

What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?

Landing Henrik- uhm but no, finishing the Ambros Twins. It meant a lot to me, and I put in a lot of work for it. Even if I don't go there anymore.

What is a fact about you that nobody would believe?

ALL OF MY WEIRD FACTS PEOPLE GO "that makes sense" SO IDK?? I'm afraid of the ocean?

What were your highs and lows for this last month?

Eugh,, the lady at the blood clinic has been really transphobic and ableist to me the last two times I've went and its really sucked. Today was particularly bad cause the barista and some random girls were also quite rude. But! I ordered my cane and I'm so so excited to get it! I also got a skin I wanted in Outlast Trials!

Where is somewhere you'd like to visit?

I wanna go back to Germany, it was so nice. But I want to visit Munich next time!

How do you de-stress?

Stressful video games :3

What are your favorite apps besides tumblr?

Discord! All my friends are in there.

Describe yourself in one sentence.

Exhausted and blunt but kind

What do you think makes you attractive?

My fierce determination to make things work even when I'm on a wire. The people I love, I love dearly. And they know that. I think its an attractive quality to have, to care so deeply about others.

What is something you're really good at?

Writing! I'm also really good at listening.

What is something you're really bad at?

ADVICE- I can listen but not give advice. I'm also fucking awful at soulslike games we've discovered (nobody is surprised)

A time that you told a lie.

Pretty much every day. I'm a compulsive liar, I'm working on it.

What's a totally random and useless fact that you know?

Some ladybugs can have no spots!

Who knows you the best?

Rowan or Henrik I think

What is your most prized possession?

My engagement ring.

What is your longest friendship?

MAX! I've known him since I was 16! Almost ten years yeesh

When did you first feel like an adult?

I still don't sometimes. But I'd just moved into my apartment on the lake to be closer to my job and I was sitting on this empty living room floor and I realised that I was well and truly alone. I wasn't a child at home anymore. I was alone and I was an adult.

Do you/ Have you played any sports?

I played volleyball, baseball, and I did track.

How are you feeling right now?

Like I said bad day, so I'm a bit sad. But I'm watching Max play Lies of P and I'm hanging with friends so hopefully better soon.

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

Night owl

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Chemical reaction at first sight lol

Favorite song lyrics right now?

"I'm blinded, how am I to find a path that's righteous?"

What does self care look like for you?

iced coffee and nap

Describe yourself with 3 singers.

Tonight Alive, Icon for Hire, Hollywood Undead

What makes you nervous?

everything

What’s a pet peeve you have?

CUTTING ME OFF CAUSE I WALK WEIRD GO AWAY

What will always make you cry?

Tadashi ):

What kind of first impression do you think you make on people?

Unpleasant. A lot of people don't like me. That's okay

what is your very favorite time of day and why?

3am! When I'm hanging out and its dark and things are quiet and I can just breathe

4 notes · View notes

nextstopwonderland · 7 months

Note

Hmmm, what *would* go on a Bryan playlist? I don't have a pithy title, sorry!

so like, I went with songs that make me think of him. I’ve made a few mixes but they’re pairing based — nevertheless some of them made it onto this because they still fit the general vibe/were more him-coded.

which for me is basically kind of gentle/nature-y/kind/folky.

I get a Peter Gabriel/U2 vibe with him. And just uplifting/whimsy.

(I wasn’t thinking Bryan as a wrestling character when I did this either, which obviously has more of a frenetic/violent energy; hence why there’s none of his theme songs on here)

So here we go:

(click titles for Spotify links)

1. Where the streets have no name - U2

Just such a escaping into nature at Joshua Tree vibe

(If you haven’t played the album while driving through Joshua tTee 10/10 recommend)

2. Life in a northern town -The Dream Academy

He lived in a PNW town. I love the whimsical/meditative nature of this song

3. Solsbury Hill - Peter Gabriel - Spiritual soul-searching and uplifting

I was feeling part of a scenery I walked right out of the machinery. What a Bryan-esque lyric. He’s literally been talking about disappearing after this next year (much to my utter dismay)

4. Closer to Fine - Indigo Girls.

Sticking with the spiritual soul-searching and uplifting vibe. The line (my favorite line) about the college degree doesn't apply to him but he recently talked about that -- like what would've been different if he did have a formal education/if it actually matters at all. (I'm grateful to Barbie for making a new generation of people discover this epic)

4. Gypsy - Suzanne Vega

Again, a very nature/vagabond getting away from the rush of it all. I love the way Yuta described their hike -- how it was so nice to just turn things off and just "be". And Bryan, who literally uses his phone 1 hour per day is definitely all about "just be-ing."

5. The Wind - Cats Stevens/Yusuf

More of the same simplistic living/being/folksy vibe.

6. Northern Sky - Nick Drake

Goes hand in hand with the above for me.

7. Spinning Away - Brian Eno, John Cale

More of that 'just be-ing, experiencing the joy in the little things, appreciating every moment, nature/artistic vibe. I love the way he talks about all the ideas he has in his head, how he's constantly thinking about wrestling and has notebooks upon notebooks of ideas, not just about that but all kinds of things.

8. Kind and Generous - Natalie Merchant

A sappy one to close it out, i love how everyone who talks about him basically calls him the nicest person alive.

If anyone wants all the songs in one place, here ya go

#Bryan <3

4 notes · View notes

slashthrashandcrash · 4 months

Note

Alright!! Let's say that the Other is pulled into the Fog, who would be the survivor counterpart to his killer? Option 1: Natalie, who he never kills and is now in an endless loop of cat and mouse with as well as other residents catching onto his obsession and only sparing her in the trials (maybe even going after killers who harm / kill her in their own trials). Option 2: Brooke, who is in a never-ending cycle of escape and be killed, and is always the target of the Other. (1 / 2)

Anon you're mind is simply so beautiful I want to live in it forever oh my god........................

First of all, can we acknowledge how absolutely bitchin' it would be to have a Hell Fest map??? Like if instead of being open in a themed field/neighborhood, it was all contained in a never ending haunted house maze????? I'd lose my mind. I would also lose my life several times because I have no sense of direction lmao.

God, both options are so good, especially with their angst potential. Because don't forget, The Other has kids, two of 'em. I can't imagine what additional damage that's going to do to his mind to know that they're abandoned and alone.

BUT LET'S START WITH OPTION ONE...I actually read a really similar fic for DBD Michael and Laurie! (inb4 anyone asks NO they were NOT siblings ofc he was just a slasher horny on main for a pretty girl). It's one of those observed patterns that people can be slow to pick up on simply because they can't believe it's real, and doubly so since there's plenty of survivors to rotate through. It's easy to use Nat as bait to lure The Other away for the survivors to escape first, just as easy as it is for The Other to use wounded survivors to lure Nat over to help so he can scoop her up himself. Yeah, he always lets her go at the exit and gets punished by The Entity for it, but he's pretty damn good in the other trails without Nat, so it all evens out.

It's also fun to imagine the downtime between trials, where Nat and The Other would have the option to leave their respective camps and roam around their designated "worlds" before the next game. Honestly, it feels like the cat and mouse never ends for Natalie, poor girl >:3c Nowhere she goes is safe from this psycho watching her. She almost prefers the trials when it's a random killer and she dies, because at least then she can appreciate the relief of being out of the hunt. But it also gives them a bit of time to become a little more...casual around each other. Nat's going to have to cycle through her stages of grief and eventually accept her new reality, where at least there's one killer that isn't looking to gut her. She's not happy still, but at least she doesn't flinch away anymore when The Other gives her his jacket because she's sulking in the cold for having lost a trial.

Option two is so fucking angst ridden though, it's unbelievable. It's not often you have more than one legit final girl, and I can imagine The Other being beyond pissed that he has to be stuck with the girl he wasn't able to kill in time rather than the girl he was actually stalking all night. I wonder if The Entity would give Brooke a similar "deal" that she has to survive a certain number of games in order to be reunited with Nat as a reward. It may be his final girl, but that's HER (literal) ride or die best friend forever, the idea of being separated and trapped with your bestie's slasher has to break her heart.

And The Other makes no show of hiding his distain of Brooke either. She's never shown any mercy, in fact he's the most ruthless with her. He'll ignore easy targets just to keep her knocked down, only hooking her at the very end so she has to suffer through her wounds the whole trial. He'll be damned if he doesn't reach the "quota" in record time to get the girl of his dreams. Obviously, the deal is likely rigged and neither of them would ever actually earn the reward of having Nat back, but imagine if somehow, someway...she did show up?

Never permanently, just periodically coming and going during some kind of glitch-in-the-matrix-slipping-through-the-backrooms type of deal due to how strongly she's connected to the two of them. Finally figuring out where her best friend has disappeared to, seeing what absolute hell she and other people are trapped in and trying to find a way to rescue her, and coming face to face once again with a murderer who will now stop at nothing to keep her here in the trails with him forever. The added threat that because she's not a survivor or a killer, if she dies, then that's it - permadeath.

#ask #anon #the other x natalie #slasher x final girl #natalie #the other #hell fest #hell fest 2018 #this AU is so fucking good anon thank you

6 notes · View notes

nerdyenby · 2 years

Text

The absolute moments of season five so far (Destruction-Passion) *HEAVY SPOILERS*

• When Gabriel straight up vaporized the miraculous?!??!?? The shock factor was incomparable.

• Marinette is a genuine mastermind, it’s her world and we’re just living in it.

• Gabriel getting himself cataclysmed on purpose?!! The absolute madman!! I saw someone else say he probably did it to get Natalie to stay and I 100% agree. But the raw anguish Adrien went through? My heart broke, he really is just a kid who wants to make the world a safer and happier place.

• Socqueline was also a genius. Figuring out where the Aluma was, recording herself saying as much, and slipping off the ring all unnoticed with a supervillain right in front of her? Unmatched.

• Jubilation’s dream sequence was so much, I cannot describe the emotions it envoked. The alarm clock motif was so good at building a sense of dread and then they have four doll-lookin babies?? And Chat has a mustache for one (1) scene? And the kick to the gut when they’re coming out of it, gosh.

• I’m sure Chat only got that closer to cataclysming Damocles because he already knew it wouldn’t kill him, but dang, it got close there for a minute. I imagine it wouldn’t have hit him as hard if he hadn’t just started to get over Ladybug. Moving on only to get to (think you) live a life with the girl you love, just for it to get ripped away and have never been real in the first place. Hits hard, man.

• I love Marinette and Alya brainstorming Monarch’s technique together, it’s very special to me and I’m glad Nino and Adrien also got to be part of it.

• GABRIEL!!!!!

• I hate him. That is all.

• The museum curator is one of the best akumatized villains we’ve had in a long time, and it’s not even her powers that make her interesting! She felt so genuine and real, and the way Gabe manipulated her made sense. She really did just want to help people and — from her perspective — she was.

• Also Luka and Kagami friendship is all I need, they’re both fed up with their exes’s nonsense and I love it.

• NATALIE OUR LORD AND SAVIOR!! The pure elation I felt when she slammed Gabe’s face into that table. You tell him, queen.

• Seriously this season has done so much for her charactizaton already it’s amazing. Her saying she’s gonna get all the miraculous before Gabe can?! As she should!!

• Natalie calling Monarch’s attention, not the other way around?! Queen moves only!!!

• Also Adrien appreciation, this poor kid is going through it. Realizing he could lose Natalie just like how he lost his mom and he wouldn’t have any (proper *side-eyes Gabriel*) family left is devastating.

• I love how he got an episode to shine, it feels like Adrien’s gotten a good amount of attention this season but Chat Noir hasn’t as much, and Passion helped balance that out. I really enjoyed this episode :))

• Also we REALLY need to talk about how Adrien held both miraculous is one of his hands and genuinely considered using them both. That was a Moment right there!!!

#miraculous season 5 #miraculous ladybug #miraculous spoilers #mlb season five #ml season 5 #mlb s5 spoilers #gabriel agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #chat noir #natalie sancoeur #?? I think #nerdy’s ml rambles

19 notes · View notes

jollyreginaldrancher · 10 months

Text

Yellowjackets S2 e8

I don't like the emphasis on the word hunt in the Lottie part of the recap.

Teen Lottie is not looking good. Again, I emphasise just how goated Misty is because jezus Shauna did a number on her.

Misty is literally helping Lottie pee blood right now and I want to give Mari credit for helping but also fuck Mari again for being a bratty douche.

Thank god somebody finally called her ass out for being a dick. And the fact that it was Misty is just chef's kiss.

Oh great, she dropped Lottie's bloodpiss everywhere. Mari is a whole pretty little liars character and she would not survive a zombie apocalypse, regardless of the fact that the x-ray keeps implying that she does by crediting her as teen Mari.

Thank god for captions because I thought Akilah said she's gonna have nugget eat her baby nephew without them.

Nugget being dead all along fucked me up.

You mean to tell me Akilah kneeled down between Shauna's legs as she was giving birth, and touched a dead rat before digging around in her guts, and Lottie is the only one pissing blood?

This show keeps getting more and more fucked up

Like that thing was decaying. It was mummified. It was a mummified mouse.

Fuck my life.

I didn't even think about the mouse being dead all along. What a plot twist. Hopefully the last big shocker of the season. Boy they really got us there. Oh boy. What an episode.

Van immediately picked up on Shauna lying, not from Shauna herself lying but from Taissa. I just know it.

See? I knew it! She figured it out! That's my girl! That's my baby!

My baby is so bright. So impulsive and bright. She's so fucking jealous that Jeff knows and she doesn't 🤣 this is the first time I've laughed in a while now, thanks Van.

Van is a little instigator and I love her for it.

So Tai used to see her shadow-self in her reflections as a teen too? That's good to know.

So was Javi the one carving all those sign 94 was it the cabin guy?

Mmm belt soup

They're really losing it. It's the belt soup. Things are continuing to happen. I almost feel sorry for fucking Mari right now.

Almost. It's still Mari.

Kevyn wants to fuck Jeff so bad.

I'm starting to like Callie and Jeff.

They probably should have burned the body.

Kevyn continues to want to fuck Jeff. This is the love story we should have been ficcing all along.

This is the funniest conversation. They really fucking owe Misty their lives. Also Van didn't look shocked at all that Misty had her address so my new headcanon is she straight up just stayed in touch with her. And I have so many thoughts right now but key being Taissa totally just used the political research excuse but really just wanted to check in on Van. Like I'm positive she did not just do all that just to make sure no one would talk. There's no way. Everything she's done so far has been leading up to reuniting with Van so there's no way she just hired a fixer to make sure no one would talk.

They really should build that shrine to Misty btw. She's the real fixer.

Nat gave Javi her socks 🥺 he's basically a pet at this point. He doesn't talk and he's just there as moral support.

Lottie and Misty sleeping in the attic together in a non sexy way... Though if you squint there's some chemistry there. I'm sure there's fics of it out there. Misty dabbing Lotties's swollen eyes, Lottie reaching up and pulling her in for a smooch...

"Shauna was seeing seduced by this adorable grifter" they try so hard at that comphet. Shh, it's okay, we know you love Natalie, Misty.

Van's expressions are everything 🤣

Is Shauna's shit going to come up to the surface now? Misty and Taissa have already outed their own pretty little lies, so it's only fair.

I hate that Walter is listening to Barbara Streisand covers of Sweeny Todd while making massive puzzles in a mansion and just generally living my dream life. Fuck you Walter.

At least tell me I have more Reddit upvotes than Walter. Let me have this one fucking thing, at least.

Yup, he immediately went to the cops. I have one thing in him at least; moral integrity.

How the fuck did Shauna get back? This has to be a dream. Van yeeted her keys.

Yup it was a dream.

Shauna sawbladehands 🤣

Jeff is a good dad 🥺

Van is lowkey instigating shit. I mean Tai was the one that said it but Van kind of controls who lives or dies back then. She's the one that decided where the line is. She was the one that put Lottie in power and she's the one that decided they won't let her die. Van is the kingmaker.

We're really gonna talk about Misty silencing the fixer like it's a bad thing though? She's solving problems other people created and they're calling her out for covering all their asses?!

At least Shauna is being honest and opening up. She's not wrong either.

Aaand Lottie is using this as a Segway to talk about the woods and her beliefs and stuff.

Van. The girl who holds the cards. That shot where she is shuffling the cards and you can see the antlers sticking out of her head was NOT a coincidence. Someone else may wear the crown but Van was always the antler queen. That's my theory anyway.

Van was so steadfast but Taissa was coming undone when Van picked her card. She was rocking back and forth and sighing and god the acting is so good.

Nat got the queen of hearts but I have no idea what that means. Is she to be hunted? If that's the case, why would they include their only hunter and their best medics in the lineup of potential prey? That's pretty shortsighted of them.

Also interesting to see the cards they've been using for fun and games and flashing around in the background to determine potential life or death scenarios.

There's no way they're gonna kill Nat. At least not right now. But fuck this is stressful.

Like even though I know she doesn't die and I've seen her as an adult I am still scared shitless.

Also again why the fuck would you include the only hunter in this?

Nat moving towards the knife too is so badass of her.

I hope this isn't one of those things where she's doomed because her card was pulled and now she has to die to right a wrong in the universe. Like final destination.

For once I'm giving Travis credit.

Why didn't they just kill Travis though?

I feel like this but where they're running off into the woods to hunt was in a preview somewhere earlier in the show.

Is Javi doomed? did Travis doom Javi? Is Javi gonna die? Is that why Travis was so fucked up in the future? I can't imagine this ending up well for them.

Lottie is suggesting an orgy

Nevermind, she's suggesting murder. I don't know why I even try with you, Lottie.

Knowing this show Van would get drugged but somehow survive because she's lesbian Jesus or lesbian Rasputin. I'm not sure which one but either way she's lesbian immortal so ye.

"our lives aren't that bad" Shauna, honey, you need to start paying attention.

The Van one was personal. Fuck. Like everyone else was like "Taissa, you pushed your family away and killed your dog. Misty you killed a person. Van, the life has been drained from you. You're a ghost of your former self. I look at you and I feel the inexorable reach of the grave shuddering towards me. There is something deeply wrong with you. You are broken on a fundamental level." 🫢

Ben in the meantime :

Is this where Javi hid out? Tai stopped sleepwalking so it couldn't be her hole Ben just entered so it has to be Javi's hole, right?

Or maybe Jackie is a zombie or a revenant and she's been chilling there.

Javi talked!

Taissa is leading the charge?!

The girls had way more weapons than I thought they did

Oh shit the ice is cracking

Misty just saved Natalie's life! But doomed Javi in the process. Is this why Nat can't stand her? Because Javi died for her? Because she didn't save him either. She can blame Misty all she wants but at the end of the day, Nat didn't save Javi either.

Is this why they hate her? Because she reminds them of what they had to do?

Is this why Van's and Shauna can look comfortably at her while Nat and Taissa shut the door on her? Because of what she represents?

Because Van and Shauna never ran from it while Nat and Tai both tried to bury it?

We say the wilderness chose but it was really Van and Misty. Maybe that's why they hate her too. Because she's stronger.

#yellowjackets #my babies #thoughts #speculation #mine

5 notes · View notes

tokyocyborg · 1 year

Text

in a pretentious mood tonight and i like using my blog as my brain personified so here are some of my favourite quotes/poems

"I don't want to be the one who mourns everything when everyone else has clearly forgotten. It's mortifying. It's mortifying to be the one who remembers."

Ryan O'Connell

"I am tired of myself tonight. I should like to be somebody else."

Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

"I was hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it, to be fed so much love I couldn't take any more. Just once."

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

"While you wash your body you realize it is not your body. And at the same time, it is the only body you have."

Warsan Shire, Hooyo Isn't Home

"I am doing my best to not become a museum of myself. I am doing my best to breathe in and out."

Natalie Díaz, American Arithmetic

"I want to be myself again. I want to be six. I want to stop knowing everything I know."

Catherynne M. Valente, Deathless

"You are embarrassed about your blood, it's redness, the way it is just coming out of you with no concern for anyone's feelings. You are [...] embarrassed to be alive."

Carmen Maria Machado, In the Dream House

"Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined."

Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

"'How do you get so empty?' he wondered. 'Who takes it out of you?'"

Ray Bradbury, Farenheit 451

"In a sense, I'm the one who ruined me: I did it myself."

Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

"Nothing has changed. I was the stupid one again. I was the girl who never understood who she was to people."

Carol Rifka Brunt, Tell the Wolves I'm Home

"'I am destroying myself so other people can't,' she said. 'And it's the worst kind of control but it's the only form I know.'"

Sue Zhao

"Mother / Eat me and give birth to me again / This time around I'll make you proud."

Maia Baia, Mother

"Who attached these heavy wings on my shoulders?"

Marina Tsvetaeva, On a Red Horse

"I search for you in my dreams."

Li Qingzhao, Tune: The Partridge Sky

"Sometimes I think if nobody spoke to me, I'd never speak again."

Alice Oseman, Radio Silence

"I want to / sin / every time / I am with / him."

Ming D. Liu, He wants to corrupt me. And I let him.

"I couldn't touch you without ruining you, / so I didn't touch you at all."

Mindy Nettifee, All I Had To Say For Myself

"If there is a God then I am going to make him cry."

S. Osborn, Blasphemies at the 5th Street Station

"I am here, alone, at the end of the world. I reach out and touch nothing."

Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World (tr. Alfred Brinbaum)

"I considered suicide, but I felt a strange fondness for my body, my life. Scarred as they were, they were mine."

Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye

"Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing."

Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

"This is what our dying looks like. You believe in the sun. I believe I can't love you."

Jericho Brown, Another Elegy (This is what our dying looks like)

"I am in the mood / to be forgotten."

Hanif Abdurraqib, FOR THE DOGS WHO BARKED AT ME ON THE SIDEWALKS IN CONNECTICUT

"It is awful to want to go away and want to go nowhere."

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

"I took a certain pleasure in informing the gender clinic that even though their program told me I could not live as a Gay man, it looks like I'm going to die as one."

Louis Sullivan

"Lie to yourself about this and you will forever lie about everything."

Frank Bidart, Queer

"I am quiet, I bury no one, blood is drying beneath my nails. I do not know which me it belongs to."

Julian Randall, On the Night I Consider Coming Out to My Parents

"I have stopped bringing flowers to the grave of the teenager I used to be."

Blythe Barid, If My Body Could Speak

"My longing for the past is deeper than words."

Tao Yuan-ming, Matching a Poem by Secretary Kuo (tr. Burton Watson)

"The day I died / I didn't tell / my body."

Jasmine Mans, Black Girl, Call Home

"(does not dream; is only dreamed of)"

Franny Choi, Soft Science

"Growing up and seeing your parents' flaws is like losing your religion. I don't believe in God anymore. I don't believe in my father either."

Nicola Yoon, The Sun is Also a Star

"Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine."

Richard Siken, Crush

"I needed to be somewhere different. Maybe I needed to be someone different, too."

Heather Davis

"I wanted to be where nobody I knew could ever come."

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

"To be made of flesh was humiliation."

Alice Munro, Lives of Girls and Women

"Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be devoured?"

Friedrich Nietzsche, Good and Evil

"I am tired. / These people make me feel like I have a hole in the middle of me."

D. H. Lawrence, The Complete Works; The Plumbed Serpent

"I've polished this anger and now it's a knife."

Cathy Linh Che, Go Forget Your Father

"Home is the first grave."

Fatimah Asghar, How'd Your Parents Die Again?

"Who hasn't ever wondered: am I a monster or it this what it means to be a person?"

Clarice Lispector, The Hour of the Star

"That's how hearts get broken, you know. When you believe in promises."

Kathleen Glasgow, Girl in Pieces

"So much to do today: / kill memory, kill pain, / turn heart into a stone, / and yet prepare to live again."

Anna Akhmatova, The Sentence

"My body is burning with the shame of not belonging."

Warsan Shire

"I want things to hurt- / cigarette smoke to burn my lungs, / glass shards to cut my skin / pavement to rasp against my knees. / I do not want beautiful; / I want a goddam tragedy."

Meggie C. Royer, Tragedies

#got bored idk #poetry #poem #words #writing #quote #spilled ink #spilled words #spilled writing #poetry comp #also posted a version of this on my vent acc #idk i really like this

7 notes · View notes

imlosingmyfuckingmindgirl · 1 year

Text

past week, jan 27

2321 rn, as i write, there is below her mouth playing on my laptop while keep me high reverbed plays. fuck it got me so turned on xd. this week was alright, i prepared from jee mains for like 3 days, without going to college all week. fuck that attendance, i can manage in the later i guess. I got the room in which dileep stays with me. bruh he did not study jackshit but still managed to do more questions that me, like fucking hell imma kms. i did like 40, fucked the physics section and all that, let see how do i do. other than that, pretty much was null. plus this saraswati puja was celebrated, it was nice getting to know the seniors well while helping, but be sure that the DSW gonna be pissed off as hell, cause the damn pandit took 4 hours to come here. whateves, we had to stay in the sun, not him. fuck that shit. other than that, i been horny as fuck this week. i wrote the fanfic for alexa and then sent her today. i was writing it today morning lol. i got so hyped up, plus it is good too i think. The whole fridge scene gets me so fucking turned on i cannot even tell you. like goddamn i wanna switch places with natalie krill to know what she was feeling like during that shit. like getting your shit rocked with a dutch lesbian like dallas who sucks your tits too is a dream. i wanna get fucked like that too. god i wanna switch places with natalie so bad. dallas would be fine too. imma do a girl like dallas does jasmine. cause god it looks so hot. if i was a girl, id probably be a lesbian. cause i like girls too much. imma masturbate like jasmine does to dallas in the bathtub, fucking running water down my clit as i moan to the beats of the striking hammer of dallas. guess she was right when she said why people like roofers. cause i sure love one. i wanna grind like that, i wanna get eaten like that, fucking grab my thighs and eat my like its your death row meal. fucking worship me, make me fucking melt in your arms. make me feel like jasmine does. i wanna get fucked like that so bad, with a strap-on against the fridge, against the alley, back of the truck, i dont care. even in her bed, her bathtub. fuck me as long as you want. if i were a girl, i would have lived my best life. fucking moans of natalie gets me so hard. like damn i gotta stop writing so much non scene. i wanna get inside her brain, trying to feel what she is feeling, cause she looks like she wants to have sex like this her whole life. fuck a man, she wants to get fucked by a woman like this. moaning while being on top of her girlfriend. saying i cannot breathe. i cannot too. i wanna be on top like with both of my legs with thighhighs and a choker round my fucking neck. fucking choke me and fuck me up. make me cry with stimulation. make me moan. make me cum. i dont wanna do this anymore. save me. -sakshi

0 notes

obscureglance · 2 years

Text

1. Selfie? Nahhh.

2. What would you name your future kids? Alex, Natalie, or Jack.

3. Do you miss anyone? Always.

4. What are you looking forward to? Beach trip next month.

5. Is there anyone who can always make you smile? It doesn't take a lot for me to smile. But, yes.

6. Is it hard for you to get over someone? Very.

7. What was your life like last year? Lots of curveballs but ya girl is surviving.

8. Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed? Hahaha, yes.

9. Who did you last see in person? My roommates.

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Yes and no.

11. Are you listening to music right now? Nope.

12. What is something you want right now? My next paycheck.

13. How do you feel right now? Sore.

14. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you? Probably my dad earlier this week tbh lol.

15. Personality description? I’ve heard I’m bubbly.

16. Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t? Right now.

17. Opinion on insecurities? Everyone has them so you should always be kind.

18. Do you miss how things were a year ago? Nope. Not at all.

19. Have you ever been to New York? Not yet.

20. What is your favorite song at the moment? Cocoa Butter Kisses by Chance the Rapper.

21. Age and birthday? 90’s baby Virgo.

22. Description of your crush? Dark curly hair. Skinny fit. Hilarious and chill.

23. Fears? Clowns, heights, and abandonment.

24. Height? 5’2’’.

25. Role model? My aunt.

26. Idol? Frida Kahlo.

27. Things you hate? Anti-choice folk and all other bigots.

28. I’ll love you if…you love me for me.

29. Favorite films? Batman and Robin, Rogue One, Split, Boyhood, and The Kid Detective.

30. Favorite tv shows? Too many to write but I recently added Little Fires Everywhere to that long list.

31. 3 random facts? I’m underpaid. I’m single. I’m bisexual.

32. Are your friends mainly girls or guys? Probably slightly more girls.

33. Something you want to learn? To fluently speak Spanish.

34. Most embarrassing moment? Being fingered just as my period started. In the middle of the woods.

35. Favorite subject? English or Art.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? To not live paycheck to paycheck. To find the love of my life. To see The Pyramid of Giza.

37. Favorite actors? Okieriete Onaodowan, Penn Badgley, Drew Barrymore, Cameron Monaghan, and Letitia Wright

38. Favorite comedians? John Mulaney and Trevor Noah.

39. Favorite sports? Baseball, soccer, and golf.

40. Favorite memory? It snowed in DC while I was there.

41. Relationship status? Single.

42. Favorite book? Too many.

43. Favorite song ever? Picture by Sheryl Crow.

44. Age you get mistaken for? 19! Lol.

45. How did you find out about your idol? School.

46. What does your last text message say? ‘Somewhat lol..tryna grab a drink tomorrow?’ To me. No cap.

47. Turn-ons? Passion and compassion.

48. Turn-offs? Pompous assholes.

49. Where you want to be right now? A hot tub.

50. Favorite picture of your idol? Any of her self-portraits. They all speak to something different but equally important.

51. Star sign? Virgo

52. Something you’re talented at? What I have my degree in.

53. 5 things that make you happy? Nature, food, sex, friendship, and love.

54. Something that's worrying you at the moment? Bills, bills, bills.

55. Tumblr friends? I tend to keep to myself.

56. Favorite food? Tiramisu.

57. Favorite animals? Arctic animals, foxes, opossums, dogs, and koala bears.

58. Description of my best friend? Puerto Rican and southern princess.

59. Why I joined Tumblr? It wasn't this account but my first one was created in 2008. I liked it better than Myspace or Facebook. Still do.

60. Ask me anything you want? Do ittt.

0 notes

arty-shadow-morningstar · 3 years

Text

Graveyard Siblings (6)

Class revenge. And mention of suicide.

[Masterlist]

(Part 1)(Part 5)

------

Normal class day and most of the class was still together. This is set after the class’s trip to Gotham.

Alix and Chloe had transferred to another class or a different school. There were a few new students but they transferred out within a week, when they all had tried to point out Lila’s lies and the class picked on them on Lila’s behalf.

Class is still taught by Mme. Bustier.

She rolled-calls and somehow Marinette’s name was on there and she just absentmindedly read it.

“Marinette Dupain-Cheng”

“Present.” A cheery voice said.

Goes to the next name before everyone froze and looked at the source of the voice which was where they exiled Marinette to before her ‘suicide’.

There she was. An older-looking Marinette who would look the same age as them as if she was still alive, her longer hair was in a high ponytail and her clothes were switched out from her usual pink to red and black and had a more mature look that was stylish instead of cute.

She wore her signature bright grin but the sight of it brought chills down everyone’s spines.

Lila thought that it was her curse kicking in and since she hadn't seen Marinette until then, fainted on the spot, thinking she was finally going to be killed.

“M-ma-marinette. What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean?” Older Marinette said with a confused face. “Oh. You mean why am I not late? First time for everything, I guess. I am not late today so Yay for me.” She giggles but everyone else thinks that it sounds terrifying.

“But this is impossible. You simply can’t be here.” Max said, “Odds of you still alive are zero.”

“Can’t I? I mean I woke up early and got here on time. What is impossible about me being early? I would normally be a zombie during the morning, Max but nice one.”

Some students checked their phones for akumas. Hawkmoth had mysteriously disappeared around Marinette’s death making a few rumours about Marinette being Hawkmoth floating around. (Lila was the first to suggest that as a theory.)

Mme Bustier cleared her throat, terrified out of her mind and scared that if she provoked the ‘ghost’ of her former star student, there would be consequences like the horror movies. But she was not going to let it hurt any of her students.

“Marinette, there must have been a misunderstanding. You should be home.”

“Why?’

“Because um...you are... you are sick and you don’t want to infect your fellow classmates, right?”

“Hm..I feel fine but now that you mention it, I feel a little dizzy. I think I am going to take the day off.”

The rest of the class murmured in agreement, scared not to offend the ‘ghost’. A few of the girls like Mylene had tears running down their cheeks. Horror movies logic dictates that you should not remind the ghost that they are dead or make them angry.

Juleka was half-scared out of her mind for Rose who was also crying and herself and also half-excited, even though Marinette might be a vengeful ghost, there is still a ghost in their classroom.

Mme Bustier started muttering prayers under her breath.

Marinette packed up her things and was out of her seat when Adrien came into the class.

He was held up because he started sneezing non-stop this morning. Turns out Natalie had some black feathers on her.

He sees Marinette in the back row.

“Ma-Marinette! How are you here?!” to which everyone in the class sans Lila who was still passed out, shushed at him.

Ignoring them, he blurted out, “You are dead.”

The word echoed through the classroom. It was silent for a moment and you could hear a pin drop.

“Dead? What do you mean dead?” Marinette took a step down the stairs, the perfect picture of confusion but her eyes seemed a little crazed and Adrien took a step back, the word ‘Traitor’ carved into his back started burning.

Everyone in their seats shifted slightly away from her. Some considered making a run for the door but they didn’t want to draw attention and face the ghost’s wrath. They all mimed at Adrien to stop.

He ignored them again. “Don’t pretend you are innocent. You did this to me. YOU MADE ME LOSE EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED DEAD. I DON’T REGRET KILLING YOU FOR THE HORRIBLE PERSON YOU ARE, LADYBUG. YOU DESERVED TO DIE FOR WHAT YOU DID.”

Realizing what he said, he covered his mouth, hoping it would somehow fix the damage he had done.

Marinette smirked. The picture of innocence gone.

It took a moment for what Adrien’s outburst meant to register in their heads.

Adrien, in an attempt to get back into their good graces, had once claimed to be Chat Noir, the ‘hero’ of Paris. They had brushed him off. If what he had said was correct then that meant that they drove Marinette who was Ladybug to kill herself. Horrible realization sets in as it meant that Hawkmoth won.

Lila chose that moment to came back to the land of the living to scream bloody murder once she saw Marinette again.

The scream brought everyone out of their trance from their shock and started screaming or yelling.

The windows slammed open and the wind whipped. The doors of the classroom closed shut with a loud bang. The clouds were dark outside and there were some flashes of lighting and thunder. (Thank you Longg.)

Marinette’s hair was undone and whipped around her. Her eyes were glowing blue. As she started laughing at the chaos she had unleashed, the class and Mme Bustier ducked for cover and hid under their desks. Except for Adrien and Lila.

Lila, fueled by anger, pounced at the ravenette but was thrown against the classroom wall before she even had a chance to lay a hand. Fell down and appeared to be knocked out. Alya made a move to check up on her.

Adrien was thrown back against the floor when the strong winds started. The scars on his back were burning with a lot of intensity now and it was a miracle that he still hasn’t passed out from the pain.

Unknown to him, the words were glowing red and seen through his shirt. Mme Bustier, Nino, Sabrina and Nathaniel were the few that saw the bright red letters spelling out ‘TRAITOR’ on Adrien’s back as he got back up.

“Marinette, this isn’t you. Milady, please.”

“Shut up.” She flicked her wrist, sending Adrien against the teacher’s desk. He hit it hard and was knocked out like Lila.

Alya after making sure that Lila was fine. “Marinette, stop this. I know that you are probably mad at Adrien for killing you but we never did anything to you.”

“Never did anything?! Never did anything? Hah. What about the time that you slapped me in the face in front of the entire school and said our friendship was over? You called me names. You said that I deserve every bruise you gave me. The rest of you weren’t any better.” She turned around and with the flick of her wrist, the heavy desks were in the air, robbing anyone of a hiding place.

“You stood by and allowed it to happen. You destroyed my stuff, claiming I deserve it. My sketchbook, filled with commissions, torn and stepped on like trash. You all crossed a line that Chloe didn’t even dare and you call it the right thing to do. Hypocrites all of you. Some of you have known me since l'école primaire. What was it about me that you believed her over me?! ”

What happened next was all a blur to everyone, there was a lot of screaming involved, some blood, lightning and thunder everywhere and then, black.

Nino opened his eyes to see Alya peacefully sleeping on her desk. What happened?...Oh Crap I fell asleep. The last thing I remember was….MARINETTE!

Nino snapped his head up. And saw the rest of the class and Mme. Bustier asleep in their respective places.

But there was a sense of wrongness. Something was off... and he can’t pinpoint on what.

The bell rang, startling everyone awake. Nino checked the time. And crap did they all sleep through the first period?! Turning towards his now-awake girlfriend, “Hey Alya, Alya, what do you remember?”

He was surprised to see red eyes like she had been crying. “I- I- I had the weirdest dream. Marinette was there, like she never died and she… why are you looking at me like that?”

“Don’t freak out but I don’t think it was a dream.”

On the rooftop, above the classroom, a red clad figure lounged at the edge with her airpods in and chuckling to herself.

-----

Marinette didn’t torture them. Scared the hell out of them, sure but it was harmless. Mostly. She left carved words on everyone’s wrists which no one else but the class can see. (This one is more mental than anything.)

The scars are unique depending on how close they were to Marinette before she died. Most of the class had the word ‘friend’ crossed out. FRIEND

Nino and Kim had Childhood friends. It serves as a painful reminder of how long they had known the girl.

Alya was a special case with BEST FRIEND and ‘A good reporter always checks her sources’ underneath it. She remembers saying those words to Marinette a long time ago, back when she thought she knew Marinette.

Mme Busitier had Best Teacher and when she was in the comfort of her own home, saw ‘Bully Enabler’ on her other wrist.

Adrien and Lila were questioned as they weren’t the only ones with scars on their wrists. (Although Lila had LIAR written in big letters across her forehead with a sharpie and a drawn-on-moustache of a cartoon villain.)

Nino managed to get the class to back off on Adrien and later to pull him aside to explain about the scars on his back and why did Ladybug (who was apparently Marinette this whole time and she was dead... he thinks.) called him ‘Traitor’?

Adrien told Nino everything. The curse didn’t interfere so for the first time in months, Adrien was able to say the truth.

-----

That was also the day that Lila’s reign finally ended.

The class had suspected for a while about her lies and false promises. There were a few inconsistencies in the beginning that were overlooked and brushed off as Lila’s memory problems.

They all had for the first two years had defended Lila against anyone (mainly Marinette) who thought she was a liar. Lila herself made sure that her lies were believable, actually putting in research for once in her life and planting evidence here and there about her achievements with a few faked articles. They staunchly believed her lies until Marinette’s death.

With her main enemy finally down and everyone else who opposed her, lost their morale along with their ally, Lila stopped putting in the efforts to make her lies seem real and then the cracks of her kingdom began forming.

At first, the students of Mme Bustier class believed them but the stories soon seemed like bragging but they were too polite to point it out to their ‘nice’ and ‘shy’ classmates.

Lila began making mistakes from her lack of research and a few of them later pointed out the few inconsistencies but they were brushed off as memory lapses.

More and more of these ‘memory lapses’ happened more often and soon, most of the class had their suspicion of Lila.

They were just in denial of Lila lying to them.

A few like Max, Nathaniel, Juleka and Sabrina who finally find out that Lila was lying and confront her about it were threatened and they were too afraid to do anything.

After all, Marinette had tried to disprove them and look where she is now. Six feet under.

And the ‘ghost attack’ from Marinette was the final straw.

The class tried to help Lila get rid of the sharpie, especially the one on her forehead and Alya made a comment how it was so typical of Marinette despite being dead and some half-heartedly agreeing.

Max, frustrated that his friends still can’t see it that Lila is a liar and they were the ones who drove Marinette to death that she is now haunting them and it was all their fault, took out his detailed research to disprove Lila’s lies. Nathaniel, Sabrina and Juleka spoke up and brought out their own research. The seeds of doubts which had been planted the past years were finally sprouting

A while later, the entire class was in chaos, everyone was shouting at Lila, some of them were shouting at Adrien, Alya being in complete denial and Mme. Bustier trying to maintain the peace.

Unknown to them, the camera in the classroom was being live streamed to a screen in a room in Le Grand Paris, complete with audio as a group of teenagers watched the chaos unfold.

“You know.” Chloe said, “I thought it was hilarious when you went all bloody mary on them but this shit is way more entertaining.”

Maria smiled, satisfaction on her face as she snatched some popcorn from Alix. “Oh, I had fun. Took years but Lila is finally getting what is coming to her. In about an hour, Signora Rossi is going to come through the door with the police.”

“What did you do, M?”

“Let’s just say the Italian Embassy and the French Police got an anonymous tip this morning about Lila Rossi and the incidents following her around the schools she had attended in the past couple of years.”

“No..” Alix gasped.

Maria just smirked.

-----

Gabriel was freaking out when Adrien came home and told him about what happened to his class.

He did not need another ghost attack on top of everything else.

First, Afterlife had managed to steal some (read: a lot) of Gabriel’s investors and Gabriel’s shares were plummeting.

Secondly, there were a few important documents leaked onto the internet, showing a few suspicious purchases which had the brand and himself under scrutiny.

Third, Natalie told him about her recent condition which occurs during the night and raised a few suspicious glances from Emilie when there was a raven in the house while Gabriel wanted to see proof of this transformation.

Lastly, Emilie had been poking around about the years she was in her coma and it was sheer luck that she hadn't found out about Hawkmoth and connected the dots.

He called up John again to complain that it didn’t work and asked for a refund or face a lawsuit. John pointed out that the spell only worked in the house and kept ghosts out of it and other places were free game.

Needless to say, Gabriel pulled Adrien out of school to be homeschooled again and made sure Emilie stayed inside, no matter what.

The longer Natalie stayed as a raven, the whiter Gabriel’s head of hair became and he was beginning to lose hair at a very fast rate.

----

(Part 7)

I swear I didn't mean to forget tagging you guys.

Taglist: @local-witch-of-mn, @ladyqnoirr, @lolieg, @istoleyourcookies

#maribat #ml class salt #adrien salt #lila bashing #lila salt #gabriel is slowly losing his sanity and I am enjoying this too much #tw suicice #suicide mention #graveyard siblings

357 notes · View notes

katierosedreams2 · 2 years

Text

A weekend to remember 2

Natalie told me stay exactly how I was after Dylan left. Kneeling there, a few feet back from the front door in my sexy little outfit, covered with his cum. As I kneeled there, I could feel his cum dripping off my face, onto my chest. I couldn’t believe what had just happened.

Natalie has forced me to dress like a girl, go to the mall and embarrass myself in front of so many people. Spend all of my money on a complete makeover and makeup. Humiliated me in front of all the girls I know. And then force me to suck a boys dick! And filmed the whole thing!

I didn’t have to wait long kneeling there, maybe a few minutes, before I heard the door bell rang. My heart sank. Not more people. Natalie opened the door, revealing me to Hana and a few of the other girls from the mall. Each with multiple bags and one had a pizza. They erupted with a mixture of laughter and aww’s. “Has our little sissy been having a good time?” One called out.

My face turned red as the embarrassment filled me. I was speechless as the girls came in. They walked around me taking pictures of me kneeling there. “Did he really suck Dylan’s dick?” “You look like a pornstar! Don’t you love it?” They asked. Natalie chimed in “Why ask her when you girls can just watch it! I recorded the whole thing!”

They all got excited about it, they all rushed into the living room, and got out the pizza. They passed the food around and told me to kneel, just like I was, under the TV. “All right girls, are we ready to watch are little sissy go?” Natalie said to calm down the girls and get them settled on the couch with their pizza slices.

“Oh, real quick!” Said Hana “ I brought this over for Taylor, sense I figured she doesn’t have one yet. But I think now would be a great time to give it to her!” She reached into one of the bags and pulled out a big dildo! It was huge! At least 10 inches. She walked over and whipped up a lot of the cum on my outfit with it. “Open your mouth sissy.” She demanded. I did as I was told and lightly parted my glossy pink lips. She shoved it in till it hit the back of my throat. The girls explored in applause and approval as I started to gag. “Leave it there sissy!” “It’s like a preview!” The girls laughed.

“Great! Now we are ready to start!” Said Natalie. They made me kneel there with this dildo in my mouth, unable to swallow the overwhelming amount of cum Hana had managed to shove in with it. The savory taste of Dylan’s sperm overwhelmed me and I started to tear up. They laughed, commented, and humiliated me as they watched. They loved it! They cheered when he came into my mouth and all over me, and died with laughter right after when they heard Natalie claim that I “loved it.”

The humiliation was almost too much to bare as they asked question after question to me, unable to answer, do too the cum covered cock in my mouth. “Did you love it?” “So did you always dream about being a sissy cocksucker?” “How dose it feel to be covered in a real mans cum sissy?” “I hope you loved the taste, that’s the first on many!” “I bet you still love savoring it right now!” They said.

After a while of laughing and making fun of me, Natalie said “ OK girls, I think it’s time to give her a break! I think she needs to go clean up. Let’s get changed and ready for bed!” But first they took more photos of me dressed like this, covered in Dylan’s cum. Some with the dildo, some without. So many poses. To immortalize the event, they said. They made me lick up every single drop of cum.

Then I was finally able to go clean up. Hana told me how to remove all the make-up properly as well as how to apply a nightly face cleanser I bought early that day. I’d have to start using it every night, she said.

Natalie picked out a cute little light pink silk babydoll nighty with matching g string panties to wear. As well as “night time heels”. They were 6 inch light pink patent leather platform heels! I looked like a slut!

“None of you other girls are wearing heels! Why do I have too? And why do I have to wear a g string? You can see my butt peeking out under this small babydoll.” I asked. It was some of the few things I had said all night. “Because you're now a little sissy slut, and so you should always look like one! Besides, you need more practice walking in heels. After all, it's all you’ll wear from now on! Also, you need to get used to things riding up your ass sweetie.” Natalie replied.

As I came back to the living room, the girls were all in sexy lingerie. Almost like something out of a porno. For a second, I thought I was in heaven. I quietly ask Natalie if it’s always like this. She said, “No, but sense you're a little sissy cocksucker now, like your supposed to be. You’ll never have a girl dressed up in sexy lingerie for you, exactly like you deserve. Other than to show it to you as a friend and to get your opinion. So Hana and I thought it would be funny to show you what you’ll never get and that you're just as girly as the rest of us!”

The girls loved teasing me about how much of a slut I looked, how girly my body was, how feminine my smooth hairless legs looked in heels, how, even without makeup, I looked like a real girl. How good I looked in lingerie and how round and perky my girly ass was in that g string. Or how small my dick and balls are that they almost don’t even make a bump in my panties. They said it should just be called my clitty from now on. They told me to tuck and see what a difference it made. I could tuck my balls up into myself, but my dick was just too small to push back. So it was just my little clitty making a small bump in my panties. I looked almost exactly like a real girl.

Eventually, though, they all calmed down and got focused on a girly movie. I laid there sharing a blanket with girls from my school, cuddled up close, watching a movie. It almost sounds like a dream come true, to bad it was far from the truth.

I thought about the pink babydoll I was wearing, and the pink sexy heels, my smooth girly legs. I could feel the curls of my hair tickle my neck and could still taste Dylan’s cum in my mouth as I drifted to sleep.

I woke up to the sound of giggling and laughter. I felt something on my face, in my mouth and in my ears. Whatever it was that was playing in the headphones shut off as I opened my eyes to see the girls standing over me with there phones out and Hana even had a ruler in her hand.

I realized I was lying there , in a modeling position, with no blanket on, my high heel feet, long sexy legs out and exposed. My babydoll was draped femininely across and out from my body. As if on display. My manicured girly little hands were slightly up above my head. My curly hair laid out in a pretty manner and my head on its side. I had my make-up done with a sexy smokey eye and long lashes and my lips were big, pink, and very glossy. In my mouth was the new “gift” dildo Hana had got me. And I had headphones in my ears.

I took the dildo out and shot up, red with embarrassment. The girls were laughing so hard at my shock. They delighted in showing me the photos and videos they took. They told me when they woke up I was still asleep and noticed my clitty was “hard”. They thought it was funny how small and useless it was. They showed my photos and videos of them measuring it, and laughed when “hard” it wasn’t even two inches. It was completely contained by the small g string. They shared how they then got the idea for the poses I woke up from. They did my make-up while I slept and stuck the dildo in my mouth. They showed me the video of how I started sucking it all on my own and how my panties got a little bit of pre-cum in them from this.

The video of this huge man-sized dick in my girly mouth, with lots of makeup, as I sucked it subconsciously like a slut, with my little tiny dick as hard as it can get, leaking pre cum, and morning like a whore mortified me and humiliated me beyond belief. I looked for a blanket to try and pull over my pre-cum soaked satin panties, noticing I was still sporting my little stiffy.

The girls laughed at the fact that when my babydoll slipped down from its displayed position, it seemed to cover it up just fine.

“You’ll never be a real man with that clitty sissy boy. It seems like we did you a service turning you into a little cock sucker! No girl would ever want to be with you anyway!” Natalie exclaimed. “Why don’t you thank us by making us breakfast!” They cheered and I got up and headed to the kitchen. My heels clicked as I walked.

I was hurrying around the kitchen as best as I could, it was hard to do so in these heels. I looked at myself and I could only see the body of a small-chested sexy girl in lingerie. The kind I would love to be making me breakfast. I noticed they were right, I couldn’t even see my clitty under the babydoll. The other girls were also distracting me as they walked around still in lingerie. They smacked my ass whenever I bent over and commented on how I even stand and move like a girl.

While the girls ate breakfast, I was able to get Natalie aside for a second and I hesitantly asked “why did I have headphones in when I woke up?” I didn’t really want to ask, or even acknowledge what happened to me this morning. Or last night either. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how I didn’t fall asleep with them in. Also, it seemed to be playing loudly, and it was turning me on. I don’t usually wake up with a hard clitty.

Natalie smiled, she had a really pretty smile, and said, “Your such a silly little sissy. But sense you can’t do anything about it, I’ll tell you. It’s sissy hypnosis. I want you to listen to it, every night, all night, while you sleep. No exception.” I stood there stunned in my little lingerie babydoll and tall heels as she then turned and walked away.

I couldn’t believe it. She has already ruined my life, and now she’s trying to ruin my mind!? I don’t want to be a sissy!! I can’t do anything about this! I helped the girls pick out their clothes for the day and they gave me another gift. Most of the bags they had brought were for me. They were full of clothes, heels, and jewelry. I was to thank each girl for their lovely donations. They picked out a large variety of outfits for me to wear throughout the rest of the week. It must have been like 20-30 different options. So many sexy skirts, tops, dresses, and only one pair of sexy leather pants. And lots of different heels. I guess Natalie was right. I’ll only be wearing heels from now on.

Natalie gave Hana my house keys and told the girls to drop off the rest of the stuff at my house. I couldn’t believe how many more things that had for me. There might be more girls' clothes than I have boys' clothes. My mind raced as I thought about how I would even be able to hide all of it before my parents got home at the end of next week.

The girls pick out my outfit for today. Black 5 inch shiny patent leather heels. A small black thong that totally concealed my small clitty. A pink vinyl mini skirt, to match my lipgloss. A small lacy black top. A pink cropped vinyl jacket that matched the skirt. And some silver jewelry. And a necklace that said “princess” on it. They thought my hair up in a big messy bun would look the best.

After that, the girls all left. Natalie decided to show me all of the new photos and videos she had added to my new Instagram. There was an edited video of me sucking Dylan’s dick and getting covered in his cum. Also, the videos they made me take, still in that outfit, using the dildo to whip up and eat all of his cum. I noticed Dylan liked them and commented as to what a slut I am, how I’m a great cocksucker, you couldn’t tell I was ever a boy, and how he would be back for more.

She also showed me the photos they took of me in lingerie, and then the video they took this morning of me made up like a slut, measuring my micro dick as I seductively sucked on a dildo while I listened to sissy hypnosis. And then just now, me posing in my new outfit the girls had picked for me today.

I was so embarrassed, humiliated, crushed and destroyed. So many people from school had seen it. Almost everyone. Everyone knew what happened to me. And they all seemed to love it. Some of the boys a little too much.

Natalie said we had to go to the store to get food for the rest of the week and for dinner tonight. She said I was going to cook for her, so it had to be special. I was dressed like a girly slut as we walked around the store, and other people noticed.

Ladies gave me looks of admiration or disgust. Some knew who I was and were delighted when Natalie told them that I was coming out of the closet. They said they always saw me as a super girly boy, and think I look much better as a girl, I was just made to be one.

The men noticed I was dressed like a slut too. They winked, waved and, cat called at the girly girl they saw strutting down the isle in a sexy outfit. As per my instructions from Natalie, I was to wink, wave, or flirt back. I had to say “thank you sir” or “thanks daddy” to their compliments. They didn’t even notice I was a boy when I talked. My voice was too high and girly, and my body didn’t make anyone think otherwise either.

When we returned to Natalies, it was late and she instructed me to start dinner. I was starving. I had hardly eaten anything all day. But I wasn’t able to eat. Natalie said I was preparing a meal for her and a guest, and that I would “fill up” later. Whatever that meant. As I was getting prepared, I walked out to the dining room and saw Natalie dressed just as sexy as I was, in a short tight leather dress and black leather platform heels. Her make-up was done very similar to mine. She was setting the table with candlelight and flowers, and had soft music playing. It was like a date.

My thoughts about who this guest could be were soon answered. Natalie walked into the kitchen, followed by Mark. Mark was the tallest, strongest guy in our school. Even with my heels on, he towered over me by another 8 inches. He was a giant. Every girl at school wanted to date him. But currently, he is dating Natalie. I had spent some time with them before, and even shared two classes with him.

“Sissy Taylor! I always suspected you were a little faggot?” his deep voice echoed through the kitchen. “ You were always so small and girly! Hell, if Natalie didn’t tell me who you were, or post all of that stuff on Instagram, I’d never believe you were even a boy! All though after seeing how small your little thing is, I don’t think you were ever really a boy to begin with!” He laughed. His words crushed me and his dominating and large presence terrified me. After all, I looked like a slutty girl, and he thought I was one too. I felt very scared and vulnerable.

Natalie added, “Mark and I are having a date night at home tonight. I want you to serve us.”

“Yes, Natalie.” I said meekly. My soft girly voice sounding nothing like Marks. As I finished dinner, it was hot in the kitchen and I had taken my jacket off. When I filled their water and brought the food, they were talking, laughing, and flirting. They almost ignored me as they ate. Only when I was clearing their dishes, I bent over the table, Mark slapped my ass, his huge hand easily covering one whole cheek. “That’s ass is exactly like a girls! You even have wide hips and a little waist! Yep, you were meant to be a sissy girl!” Mark commented, “What do you say sissy, you want to see what a real man looks like?”

Horrified by what I’d heard, I took a step back in fear, my heels clicking as I did so. I looked at Natalie, she was grinning. Mark chuckled “Come on sissy. Dylan told us what a great little cocksucker you are! He said it should be your calling in life!” Natalie added “She really is a natural. Clearly, her body was designed to please men, visually, as well as physically. Go on sissy girl. Suck Marks cock for me. He cums so so much the first time, but after, he’ll fuck for hours.”

I was terrified, but I had no choice. I was shaking as I got down on my knees and opened his zipper. Out sprung a huge dick! Even bigger than Dylan’s! He grabbed my head and forced me onto him! I sucked him and took him as deep as I could down my throat. I could hardly breathe as he fucked my face! Eventually, my jaw started to hurt and my throat was sore.

To my disgust, somehow, this was kind of turning me on. I started to get stiffy, my little dick was barely making a bump in my sexy skirt. Natalie noticed. “Wow, your sucking your second dick and your getting excited again! You were born to be a cock sucker! But good girls don’t let their clitty a get stiff. We’ll have to do something about that!” She said.

But as Mark kept going and pushing his dick deeper down my throat, I couldn’t breathe. Chocking on his dick, my little clitty got soft again. Then he pushed my head down as hard as he could, and started to cum right down my throat. “No, cum on that sissy face!!” Said Natalie. As he pulled my head back, more cum shot into my mouth, and then all over my whole face! He came so much! I couldn’t believe it. It was like 15 times what I’m able to cum.

“Okay, Mark, you go get ready for me in my room. I’ll finish with this little cocksucker.” Natalie said as I tried to catch my breath. Mark got up and walked off. Natalie got me up and told me to follow her. We walked to the bathroom and she told me to take a picture of myself covered in a real man's cum. I tried to be clever and I took the picture with the phone covering my face. She spanked me and said, “Nice try sissy. Without the phone covering your face this time.”

I moved the phone, against my humiliation and embarrassment, I took a photo of me with my face covered with Marks thick cum. “Perfect. Now post both of them to Instagram.” She smiled an evil smile at me. I just froze. “Now sissy!” She demanded! Without thinking I did. She had me put a caption, “my second boy, of countless more to cum!”

She then took her phone, told me to go do the dishes and clean up after the sleep over. And not to wipe the cum off of my face until she and mark are finished and I let him out. Then, after I’m to go get ready for bed.

This is going to be a very long week.

-Katierosedreams Og Cap

19 notes · View notes

evermoreholland · 3 years

Text

Paper Rings | Tom Holland

summary ❥ it’s your anniversary and you propose to tom with a song.

warnings ❥ fluff

word count ❥ 2,152

a/n ❥ you can listen to paper rings by taylor swift while reading this because this is obviously what it’s based off of lol. also, this was edited by my good friend @tefilovesreading!

Today is your second anniversary with your boyfriend, Tom. The past two years have been the best of your life by far. You have had your fair share of relationships, but Tom took you by surprise in his love for you. You were a singer and it was difficult for you to pursue relationships, but Tom understood you because he has gone through similar. You would often write songs about your experiences in relationships. You have been writing a song for Tom for a while now and you thought that today would be a perfect day to show him.

Tom knows that he wants to marry you. He can’t imagine a life without you in it. He has been thinking of how he was going to go about a proposal for months now and he realized that your second anniversary would be the perfect time to confess his never-ending love for you and his commitment to be yours forever.

Tom picked out a ring for you many months before today, without your knowledge. The two of you had talked about marriage before, so a proposal wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. Tom called your mother, sisters, and even got his own mother’s opinion about an engagement ring for you. He finally found the perfect ring to propose with.

Tom made dinner reservations at your favorite restaurant tonight. He planned to spoil you the entire day, making sure that you knew that you were his queen.

Tom rises early. He lifts the blankets off of himself and steps out of bed. He tucks you back under the cover gently, not making a sound. He tiptoes to the kitchen to make you a cup of your favorite tea. He fills the kettle with water and then places it on the stove. He turns to the refrigerator to take out some of your favorite fresh fruits as a part of breakfast. He prepares toast as well and then he sets it all up on a tray to bring to your shared bedroom. He walks to the room and finds you still sleeping peacefully. He places the tray on the bedside table beside you and then leans to kiss your forehead. You were a light sleeper so the action woke you up almost instantly. Your eyes open and you see your boyfriend preparing something besides the bed.

“Morning,” you whisper. You toss and turn until you eventually sit up. “What are you up to?”

“Happy anniversary, my love,” Tom says and sits on the foot of the bed. “I made you breakfast.”

“Thank you, love. Happy anniversary.” Tom hands you your mug of tea and you take a sip. This was exactly what you need to start your day, which a warm cuppa. “This is probably the best cuppa I’ve ever had.”

Tom giggles at your compliment and he blushes. You just have that charming effect on him. “Well you are my best girl, aren’t you?”

You smile at your lovely boyfriend. “I guess I am.”

You and Tom eat the rest of your breakfast in bed together. Tom insists on feeding you to be romantic and you hesitantly accept. After, you put on a sundress that Tom purchased for you for today; a pink flowy sundress with strawberries on it. You match it with a pair of cream color wedges.

“You look beautiful, Y/N,” Tom compliments when he sees you walk out of the bedroom into the living room where he was sitting on the sofa waiting for you. He’s wearing navy slacks with a light blue short-sleeve button-down shirt. His hair is gelled back, which you hated because you couldn’t run your fingers in his beautiful chestnut-colored locks. “Absolutely stunning.”

“You look gorgeous too.” You walk towards your boyfriend and take a seat beside him on the sofa. You take his hand in yours and you can feel how sweaty his hand was, but you decide not to comment on it. To be honest, you didn’t think much of it anyway. “What are our plans for the day? I have something for you, but I want to give it to you later.”

You wrote Tom a song in an attempt to propose to him, and you were hopeful that he’d say yes. Although you did like tradition, you want to pop the question to your boyfriend, and what better way to do it than what you know best; music.

“Oh, you do? What is it, love?” Tom was not a fan of surprises and for almost every occasion he would try to pry his present out of you.

“You know that I’m not going to tell you,” you reply.

“It was worth a try. I was thinking that we can try strawberry picking,” Tom says and then kisses your cheek. “How does that sound, darling?”

“Sounds wonderful, Tommy,” you mumble. You kiss him and then get up from the sofa. You hold your hand out for him and say, “Let’s go, baby.”

“Let’s do it.”

The drive to the strawberry field was full of giggles, music, and love. You get to the field and Tom opens the car door for you, as per usual. He grabs the basket from the backseat and he guides you to the field. Tom takes photos of you dancing through the field and picking strawberries. He didn’t want to forget this moment, he couldn’t forget how beautiful and ethereal you look in this moment.

You get back home and wash the strawberries that you picked. You cut some up for you and Tom to eat. You gather by the sofa once again while Tom turns on your favorite film. You pull out your phone to text your best friend, Natalie, to set up the backyard for the proposal. Natalie and Harrison knew about your plan to propose to Tom and set up a stage for your small performance.

Tom cuddles beside you after he presses play on the television. “Who were you texting?”

“Just Natalie,” you answer vaguely. You didn’t want Tom to catch on or possibly find out about your plan. “Just chatting.”

“Ok,” Tom says, not buying it completely but he didn’t push. “After the movie, we’ll go to dinner, yeah?”

“Gotta show you something first, baby.”

“Tell me what it is,” Tom groans. He nuzzles his face into your neck and kisses it. “Please spill.”

“That’s not going to work with me, Holland. Now, let’s watch the film, silly.”

“Fine,” he says.

The film passes by fairly quickly. You clean up the living room with Tom, and then you tell him to wait in your bedroom until you text him to come outside. “Why must I wait in our bedroom, darling?”

“I just want to make sure that everything is perfect first,” you reply as if it were obvious. “Please don’t peak.”

“I promise that I won’t, angel,” Tom says and then kisses you. You cup his cheek and pull him closer. Your lips linger on his for a moment before you pull away. “What was that for?”

“I just love you, alright?” You choke up a bit. Thinking about what you were about to do made you emotional. You have never been in love with someone like you were with Tom. “You mean the world to me, Tommy.”

“I love you too, darling. You’re my entire world.” Tom always knew what to say and he gives you the reassurance you need. You pull away from him and walk towards the yard.

You finish setting up everything for the proposal and set up the projector for the slideshow. As the song plays, you planned on showing a slideshow of photos of you and Tom. You send a quick text to Tom telling him to come to the backyard. You hear him come outside and soon enough, he is standing in front of you.

He notices your display. He notices the decorated deck mimicking a stage with flowers surrounding it, white roses to be exact. He notices your microphone and speaker. “What’s all this, love?”

“I wrote a song for you,” you began, but you pause to rub your hands against your dress. Nerves were building up. “For our anniversary. It explains how I’m feeling.”

You see Tom smile at your explanation. “Let’s hear it then, baby. Whenever you’re ready.”

You prerecorded the acoustics and harmonies, so you would simply just turn on the speaker to play the music. “The song is called Paper Rings. I hope you like it.”

You turn on the speaker a pop upbeat sound fills the air and you immediately feel at ease.

The moon is high Like your friends were the night that we first met Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet Now I've read all of the books beside your bed

As you were singing, you think about the memories that you and Tom share. You remember meeting him at an outdoor pub. You were first introduced to Harrison, Tom’s best mate. They were stoned, to say the least, but it was still probably one of the best nights of your life.

The wine is cold Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street Cat and mouse for a month or two or three Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe

Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night (Oh!) Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life (One, two, one two three four!)

Tom looks at you like you’re the only woman in the world, yet he doesn’t know what your next lyrics would be. He didn’t know that you want to marry him as much as he did.

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want In paper rings, in picture frames, in dirty dreams Oh, you're the one I want

He begins to pick up on what you’re telling him, and it warms his heart. His eyes begin to water as he watches perform for him. You look very gorgeous too.

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool When you jumped in first, I went in too I'm with you even if it makes me blue Which takes me back To the color that we painted your brother's wall Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws We wouldn't be standing here so tall, so

Kiss you once 'cause I know you had a long night (Oh!) Kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause you waited your whole life (One, two, one two three four!)

I want to drive away with you I want your complications too I want your dreary Mondays Wrap your arms around me, baby boy

You wrap your arms around yourself for emphasis and Tom giggles gently. He is crying at this point and you feel yourself tearing up too.

I want to drive away with you I want your complications too I want your dreary Mondays Wrap your arms around me, baby boy Uh huh

You sing the chorus once more, and you begin dancing along with the music and Tom couldn’t help but smile at you.

You're the one I want, one I want

You finish off the song and you do a little bow as Tom claps for you. You walk towards him and he wraps his arms around you. “I loved that, baby,” he whispers in your ear.

You look at him and notice the tears streaming down his face. You wipe them away and say, “So?”

“So?” He repeats, not fully understanding where you’re getting at it.

“Will you marry me, baby?” You ask.

Tom smiles and instead of answering, Tom reaches for something in his back pocket. He pulls out a velvet ring box and gets down on one knee. Tom opens the box to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. “Does this answer your question?”

“Yes it does,” you giggle. “I guess that we both had the same idea.”

“It’s not a paper ring, though,” Tom says, referring to your song.

“Well, I do like shiny things,” you joke. “I’d be honored to marry you, Tom.”

Tom slips the ring on your finger and stands up to kiss you. This moment couldn’t be more perfect.

“Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, lover.”

Tagging: @canwekissforever-hazzy @storybookholland @petesrparker

#tumblr killed the quality of the photo omg #i hope you like this #tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff #tom holland x y/n #i’m obsessed with taylor swift ok bye

203 notes · View notes

whaleofatjme1920 · 3 years

Text

Searching for Hidden Things (Ticci Toby X F!Reader)

Searching for Hidden Things

[Ticci Toby X F!Reader]

[Warnings: it's kinda sad? Language, blood but only slight.]

[AN: Another good one from Eris]

You are convinced that your home is haunted now more than ever. While you are not particularly ghost believer inclined, as a witch, your mind is open to these kinds of happenings but that’s not your field of study - you’re much more inclined to herbology and green witchery as opposed to medium and seership into other planes of existence. The natural, real world is what you are focused on. Not some spectre that happens to like little knickknacks that you don’t even claim ownership to.

How on earth did you end up here?

Simple. Fresh out of college and working from home, you decided to leave your stuffy city and come out to the countryside to get back into nature. It took forever to find a place that piqued your interest, but a small town smack dab in the middle of Alabama. You’re almost dead certain there’s barely five thousand people in the area. Though, you hardly stick around long enough to find out.

You only dip into town in the evenings and get the groceries that you can’t grow. Let’s just say you really enjoy living off the land and that practice helps you further your own craft. It’s anything a hedgewitch might dream of. The people that live here are pleasant, but they’re silent.

It was a normal evening visiting your favorite curiosity and occult shop run by a sweet girl and her partner who have come to expect you weekly on Saturdays. You usually stay for tea and a cupcake or whatever baked good Zinnia and Briar have set up for you, and it is from one of these little sit downs that you found out your home isn’t exactly normal.

“It’s so nice to see you again, love bug!” Briar smiles widely, their arms opening to greet you.

You smile back and walk into their arms and hug back just as tightly. “I could never miss tea time with my two favorite curio owners,” you chuckle.

Zinnia pops out from the back, her hands are covered by oven mitts. “I just made some brownies! Also have some angel food cake from last night. Come, come. Briar? Get the tea,” she says as she rushes to the back to set up the table in the sunroom.

Briar nods and puts their hand on your upper back, guiding you to the back. “My wife thought you would’ve liked the angel food cake. She’s been talking about it all night,” they explain, a giggle on their lips.

Zinnia is buzzing around like a bumble bee while her partner attempts to get her to sit down. She’s a good host, you’ll give her that. This is your fourth sit down with them and she’s like this every time.

“Reader isn’t going to care about the plates-” Briar attempts to say before getting shushed by Zinnia.

“I like being aesthetically pleasing,” she says as Briar absentmindedly ties her curly black hair into a ponytail. “Unlike you,” she giggles.

You roll your eyes playfully at their sweet gestures. “Aesthetically pleasing or not, those brownies and the cake look delicious.”

“See? Reader gets it,” Briar lightly ribs before bringing the tea to the table, Zinnia following close behind them with platters and plates. “So,” Briar hums. “How is your place?”

You begin pouring yourself some tea and shrug. “I don’t think I ever mentioned it to you, have I?”

The couple shake their heads as they get comfortable in their seats. “Where have you put your boots down?” Zinnia inquires.

“There’s this little house in the woods,” you begin to explain before sipping at your tea. “Had a great garden and was already furnished, asked the realtor and she practically threw it into my arms.” You put down your tea cup and cut a brownie for yourself before raising a brow at the couple’s shocked and slightly confused expressions. “What’s wrong?”

Briar blinks a few times before shaking their head. “It’s nothing! Just, it’s the house in the woods?”

You nod in confirmation. “The house in the west woods, near the pond with water lilies?” You continue in an attempt to further their understanding, getting the feeling there’s something you don’t know but should. “Guys..?”

“S-Sorry,” Zinnia suddenly says. “It’s just that…” Her eyes shift around for a few moments before she leans in close, as if she was telling you a secret. “That house is haunted.”

Your eyes go wide before you laugh. You laugh and laugh and then when you realize they’re silent, you blink. “Wait what? Why do you say that?”

“Someone used to live there a few years ago, we moved in after her… disappearance,” Briar explains. “She just,” Briar makes a poof shape with their hands, “like nothing. No trace, no leads, the house was empty but everything of theirs? Still there.”

“Who was the person that lived there before?” You ask, intrigue kicking up before you bite into the brownies and then try the angel food cake. Zinnia was right, you do like it.

Briar shrugs, “we don’t know. Whispers say it was the girl named Natalie. She kept to herself but from the people I’ve talked to so far - at least, those who would talk about it - said she was sweet and spunky.”

“Guy at the grocery store, Mr. Wu? He said that Natalie was his regular. They were friends,” Zinnia adds on. “He used to visit her house every now and then and said near the end, her behavior got kind of squirrely. One night, he went to visit her and saw her running. Of course, guy is like seventy, got scared and ran back home. Called the police over it. They got there? Nothing.”

You nod as you listen to them give out their theories on what might have happened to Natalie. It’s one of the most interesting things you’ve heard of since you moved in.

When you returned home, you couldn’t help but shake the thought you were a guest in what used to be Natalie’s home. Your hands flew over the slightly dusty shelves and found it wrong to really touch anything that might not be yours. There’s books about boring things, encyclopedias, general knowledge, young adult fiction, but nothing that tells you who she was.

As you stand with your arms crossed in your living room, you search for the things that were left from her. Your room is entirely yours, you’ve already managed to find a room and clear it out for your witchy things, the kitchen was empty and there is no basement. This house is small, more like a cottage. If there were any signs of who she was, they’re not easy at making themselves known.

All you have to go off of from her is the living room and is undoubtedly Natalie’s and not yours. The shelves and other knick knacks are things that don’t match your aesthetic at all. Seems she was fond of the color green, just not plants like you are.

It’s by the living room that you’re able to learn some things about Natalie, even if they’re minute. For instance, you can tell that either she likes costumes or she’s missing an eye due to a small box of eyepatches varying in color and design. She’s got a frew petal pressed flowers - tulips - and last you checked, that meant a declaration of love according to the standard Victorian language of flowers.

You know absolutely nothing about Natalie other than her name and that she may be missing an eye and that she has tulips, but she permeates your mind like a virus that refuses to go away. You’re entranced with her, and want to know more of her.

When you work on sigils, you make one for her and put it in the corners of the front windows and in the doorframe. You wonder if she’s out there, and if she is, if she’s safe. If she is, you hope the runes and sigils you’ve made for her will keep her that way.

One evening at the grocery store, you have the privilege of being able to speak to Mr. Wu when ringing up some craving you’ll know you’ll inevitably have.

“Natalie?” He hums as he rings up your items. “She was a nice girl,” he continues. “Very kind, had a good sense of humor.”

You furrow your brows and smile sympathetically at him. “I’m sorry for-”

“It’s no matter,” Mr. Wu brushes off. “I don’t know what happened to her, and I’d like to think she’s still out there,” he begins checking the register for the total. “I’d like to think that when she was running, it was towards better and away from whatever it was she couldn’t get here..” His old, weathered hand reaches out to show you the total on the screen. You notice he’s put on a 50% discount. “On me,” he smiles.

Ever since then, Natalie has consumed your thoughts entirely.

So, how does this all tie into a little sparrow figurine going missing? You think it’s haunted. Genuinely. Have you angered Natalie’s spirit by messing with her house? You’re not so sure. You don’t communicate with spirits, though you’re considering picking up a pendulum and attempting.

Ever since you’ve heard about Natalie, things in your house have been getting moved or straight up lifted. It doesn’t help that you hear, no, you think you hear, things outside lurking around your home. Spiritually, you’ve protected the place more than you think is necessary. The not deer, skinny legends and Wendy boys really shouldn’t be knocking around her mostly because the place is just one giant protective bubble. Still, as you sit up late in the night and look at the moon as it reflects the water from the pond and the peer through the darkness of the trees that hang much too low, you know something is out there that shouldn’t be.

This has all come to a head when you wake up one morning to see that the sparrow figurine is gone. It makes you startle and almost drop your mug in response.

“How the hell..?” You say as you stare at the empty space. Its little circular base has left the real shade of the wood it sits on open. The dust has accumulated around it. You saw it here just yesterday! Little brown and tan sparrow and now it’s gone.

On instinct, you open your front door. It was still locked, and it doesn’t seem that anyone came in. But you know that you didn’t move it either. You haven’t touched any of Natalie’s things, you wouldn’t because you’re worried you’re going to upset her spirit or something. Who took it?

Unfortunately, that’s not even the first time it’s happened. A few days later, the little robin is gone too. Now you are absolutely convinced your home is haunted.

Of course, you call up one of your friends who also practices witchcraft like you do to see what you can do about making amends with a spirit. He’s a death witch - he should know.

“Wait what?” He says, his voice conveying nothing but confusion.

“You heard me,” you sigh as you plop down on the couch. “I think she’s been like, taking things because she doesn’t trust me with them?” You say in a slightly confused tone.

“But you really haven’t moved anything in the living room, right? From the pictures you sent me, you left that space as hers. She shouldn’t be upset considering you never touched her stuff.”

“But these figurines are still missing. How did they just get up and go?” You ask in a slightly exasperated tone, staring at the empty space.

“Y’know what you should try?” He begins, a small audible smile on his face. “Find something personal of hers and return it to her. Maybe she’s looking for something and is just settling.”

“Do you have a protocol for that or..?” You trail off.

“I’ll send you a page from my grimoire, sounds good?”

Here you are, late at night, not able to sleep and looking for something personal of hers. You don’t think it’s anything out in the open that she wants because why would she want that? It’s in her line of sight. You’ve practically turned up your home looking for it - her home? You’re not sure what kind of terminology you should use in regards to this house, but you know you’re hellbent on finding something, anything of importance to her home.

“Come on, Natalie,” you mumble to yourself as you head to your bedroom and begin overturning things. “I just need something of yours, help me make it make sense,” you say. “Natlie, Natalie, Nat, Nat-” and immediately after that nickname tumbles from your lips, you get the overwhelming urge to check under your bed.

Like a mad woman, you dive down to the floor and begin pulling your storage boxes out from under it. One of them snags slightly, and when you tug on it, you pull. Odd. You tug even harder. That’s when part of the carpet comes up. You raise your brow and shove the box out of the way before crawling under yourself and use the flashlight on your phone. It’s dark, a little dusty under here, but you clearly know someone has been under here before.

Your fingertips creep around the edge of the odd piece of carpet before you pull it up, seeing that it’s already been cut up. And there, you feel a handle.

“Oh my gods,” you mumble creeping further under the bed before yanking at the small handle. It doesn’t give right away. In fact, it makes you bump your head from the sheer force of trying to open it. It’s almost as if it was a secret and you’re violating the parties who knew it existed. Still, you continue to tug on it before it finally pops open. You move your phone over to see that there’s a box with the lid loosely placed on. Your hand gently reaches in and scoops the box up. You hold it like it’s glass. “Thank you, Natalie, thank you,” you mumble as you roughly and awkwardly crawl out from back under the bed.

You sit on your bedroom floor now, your phone now forgotten as your fingertips gently trace the box. You mentally ask for Natalie’s permission to open it and when you get the feeling of something warm, like a hug, you do so. Inside the box that you gingerly open, you see that there are letters, letters upon letters in a writing addressed to her.

“Can I read these, Natalie?” You ask softly, your eyes scanning over the one you hold in your hand dates from a few years ago. You feel that warm hug again, and the night alights with songs from the birds on the pond. You know you have her permission.

‘March 16, 20XX. Dear Natalie, how are you? I just wanted to apologize for the other day. I shouldnt have left that soon, but you know hoy my dad is. Anyways, just wanted to check in. Hope to see you soon.’

‘March 22, 20XX. Dear Natalie, I wasn’t actually expecting you to get back to me after what happened! I - thank you. Things have been just fine with me, but I miss being in Alabama. No reason, just miss the woods by your place.’

‘May 5th, 20XX. It’s funny you mentioned that, I saw something last night that reminded me of you too. Y’know how you’re always going on about time and being punctual? The other day, me and my comrades were walking through an antique store. Whole bunch of clocks. Made me think of you:).’

You keep reading the letters and piecing together the story of these two as it picks up through the years as general friendship to something more. This person that Natalie was writing to told them a lot of things - everything from the general happenings of the day to more quieter, intimate things (that you tend to skip over out of respect for Natalie.)

Reading the letters to Natalie becomes a daily occurrence for you. There’s so many that you decide it wouldn’t be right to read them all in one day. So, you read two a night and piece together their story, learning of their love and finding out just who they were. Natalie left some letters that she never sent to her love, mostly the ones that she must have considered duds or the angry ones that she decided not to send when her fire had died down. What? All couples go through those patches. It’s whether you can fix it and get back on the road or hitchhike with another driver that determines the outcome. And them? They loved each other so much, looking at another driver to get to their destination was never an option.

It takes months for you to get through the letters. Even reading two a day, it’s hard to get through a few years worth of content. They wrote to each other often. You’re able to see the full spectrum of emotions from them two, even if you’re on;y reading the letters addressed TO Natalie and not from her (for the most part). You read them smiling, and can hear their tears alongside their laughter. They no longer feel like names on paper, but real, once breathing people.

Eventually, you reach a letter that finally completes the story as you know it. It’s dated from right around the time you know Zinnia and Briar moved in. It explains a lot.

You know that whoever Natalie’s love was working for was NOT a good man. He struck the fear of the gods into them. He was called ‘The Operator’ and apparently had eyes everywhere despite being faceless. The way Natalie’s love writes about him has you feeling chills down your spine. Them too, because it was enough for them to want to run away. Natalie’s love was called a proxy, and from what you can understand, that means he’s a person who does work for someone else because they don’t want to get directly involved. The Operator treats those who work under him like cattle, and nothing more. He was a scary, scary man, and the society he runs is one you know is not intertwined with yours.

The letter that’s in your hands is the last one before their escape it seems.

‘August 31st, 2018. Dear Nat, are you nervous? I’m nervous - you can probably tell by my writing. Tonight we leave everything behind. We run. I hope you know that it’s never too late for you to back out. Because after this, we can never go back to what we used to. I’m so sorry that being around that tall fuck-but did this to you - and shit, by extension, me. I’m so sorry for hurting you, but this is it. This is it. This is the final stop.

Who knew that me striking up a conversation with a cute girl behind the counter of some hippy’s coffee shop would lead to a love like ours? You mean the world to me, Nat. I’m more and more thankful every day that I think about you and receiving your letters has me up to the moon. If you asked me about this kind of thing before I met you, I would have told you that I would never have gotten rid of the proxy lifestyle for a human. Humans are… Well, according to the Operator, they’re dangerous. They’re not worth us.

But you? Oh gods, you? You changed everything. You made it worthwhile. You came into my life like a splash of color in a world so grey and cold and bathed me in warmth until I could reciprocate your love and make room for it to grow. I love you, Natalie. I love you so, so much. After tonight, we won’t ever have to worry about this - the space and the distance between us. No more hiding. No more secrets. Just us and our transparency.

I love you, Natalie. I love you so, so much. I’ll see you tonight, backdoor as per what is our usual. To the moon and back! Love, Toby.’

You don’t know why, but Toby’s letter makes you tear up. It’s like you can feel exactly how Natalie must’ve felt when she received it. The tears that prick your eyes roll down your cheeks and you can’t help but take a few moments. You’d always known their story ended with something sad due to the whispers in the town, but getting confirmation that Natalie ran… It didn’t work. It just didn’t work.

You’re wiping away your tears when you hear your backdoor get thrown open. No one comes out to your neck of the woods, and it makes you panic. You can’t find your phone - dang it! Must’ve left it in the kitchen. You scramble around your room as you hear whoever just broke into your house walk confidently without a care in the world to the living room.

“W-Who the f-fuck lives here n-now?” You hear a male voice mutter as they pass your bedroom door. “A-All this w-w-witchy shit,” they continue.

You mentally huff. Rude. You then quietly slink around before grabbing a large chunk of amethyst. It’s rough to the touch and weighty, and unfortunately, one of the only things you have as a weapon now. Your heart is pounding as you quietly move through your hallway to the living room.

“Where i-is it?” He continues mumbling to himself as he tears your living room apart.

You’re able to see him by the faint light of the moon. He’s got brown hair and twitches slightly. Is he nervous? He’s still tearing up your living room though and touching Natalie’s things, and that's unforgivable in your head. So, you raise your chunk of amethyst pillar and quietly creep behind him.

He turns around to look at you, genuinely surprised someone is here when you whack him as hard as you can with the chunk of amethyst. “Are y-you fucking s-serious?!” He yells as he pushes you back.

You look at him with confusion as you back up, still clutching the amethyst before you notice that he didn’t react in the way he should. You hit him really, really hard and in the back of the head. He’s back up and glaring at you like you mildly inconvenienced him. And now? Now he’s pissed and looking at you like he’s going to kill you. You notice that he has hatchets on the sides of his waist.

“C-Come here,” he taunts, eyes narrowed and slowly closing the distance between you.

“Stop,” you shout in an attempt to command him back. “I will hit you-”

��With t-that?” He sneers.

“I swear to the gods I will-”

He looks like he’s ready to pounce when he suddenly stops, a certain sadness and pause rushing over his body and his face as he looks at the letters in your hand. You’d honestly forgotten you were still holding them.

“Where d-did you g-g-g-get those?” He asks quietly, his shoulder dropping.

“What?” You ask, surprised he can do an impression of a human being.

“Those l-letters! They’re n-not yours!” You pull back hard when he tries to grab them from you and swing the amethyst at him and sneer when he ducks. “They’re not yours either!”

“T-The hell t-they aren’t! I-I wrote t-t-them!” He shouts back.

You immediately deflate. “You’re Toby?”

He freezes and flails his arms slightly as if to ask nonverbally, ‘you read those?’

You sigh deeply and rest your hand on your forehead before you rest your arms down slowly, showing that you’re not going to fight him. It’s a pleasant surprise that he slowly copies your movements. “Do you know how a keurig works?”

He nods slowly.

“Make us some coffee. We got a lot to talk about.”

“So, t-t-that’s why you’re here,” Toby hums as he dumps another unholy amount of sugar into his coffee cup. “I-I thought y-you were some s-squatter in Nat’s h-house,” he admits with a small chuckle before scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck.

You take in a small breath and nod, a small smile pulling your lips upwards. “This is what you were looking for, huh?” You say as you push the box full of memories towards him.

He puts the cup down and takes it into his hands carefully before hugging it to his chest. He then takes in a deep breath, relaxing. “Y-Yes, this is t-them,” he says quietly. “That’s a-a-all I really w-wanted.”

“And the little figurines?” You hum, a knowing smirk on your face.

Toby flushes slightly and nods once more. “T-They just r-r-reminded me o-of her.” He then places the box in front of him and leans back, his eyes blinking upwards towards the ceiling before he stares up at the ceiling. “I lost h-her that n-night,” he says, voice so soft and scared as if he’s reliving it.

“Toby…”

“That w-w-was our thing, y-y’know? W-We were gonna b-b-be free. My b-b-boss found out,” Toby hisses as he picks one of the letters up and gestures with it, “a-and he s-sent my own c-comrades to…” He closes his eyes to stop the tears from welling within them.

Natalie was grabbing her backpack from her room with everything important when Toby came to the doorway and smiled at her. “What’re you doing here?” She chuckled, her green eye flashing with amusement. “Thought you were gonna be getting stuff ready in the kitchen and watching the door.”

“Just d-don’t like being a-a-away from you,” Toby said, a small smirk on his face as he came up to Natalie and brushed a long strand of brown hair from her face. “You’re s-s-such a p-pretty girl,” he complimented.

Natalie blushed slightly and took his hand that rested on her cheek into hers. “Go. I’ll be fine in here.”

“W-Whatever you s-say, p-princess,” he teased before pressing a kiss to her forehead and hesitantly leaving her side.

Natalie rolled her eyes with that smile never leaving her face as she continued getting the last of her things ready for the leave. When she was absolutely certain she was ready to go, she slid the backpack on and headed to the living room. She was ready to go and start a new life with Toby, the only man who ever made her heart skip a beat.

“Are you ready?” She asked, her arms wrapping around Toby’s waist as he finished his cup of coffee.

“S-Sure am,” he replied before turning around and wrapping her in his arms. “You g-gonna miss t-t-this place?”

“Absolutely not,” Natalie laughed. “I can’t wait to get out-”

What happened next was pure chaos. The back and front door were both breached by men in masks, and Natalie quickly deduced that they were Toby’s comrades. His boss found out. Toby reached for the front table and palmed his hatchets and swung them at the man in the white mask.

“Run!” Toby shouted, pushing Natalie towards the open front door. He watched his heart run out and shake off the backpack to gain speed as she took off into the night. Masky hit him, but he did not flinch.

“Fucking hell, Toby!” A gruff voice shouted.

The young proxy then watched in horror as a flash of yellow zipped out into the night to chase after Natalie. Toby felt worry cloud hsi every movement as he dodged and hit Masky. Hoodie’s specialty was tracking and hunting. He had to get out there to help Natalie.

Toby took a step back then ran into Masky as hard as he could, slamming his leader into the floor before attempting to brutalize, but not kill him. When he was sure that Masky was going to need a moment, he shot up and sprinted out of the house and into the darkened forest to find Natalie. He must’ve prayed the entire time he ran.

He ran over the heavy forest growth and cursed the roots that almost tripped him before he felt his world go quiet.

Natalie was screaming.

Toby heard his name cried out in the trees and his heart sunk down to the forest floor as he ran wildly to the source. He felt hot tears as they rolled down his cheeks as he finally found that same damned hue of yellow waiting for him.

“Was wondering when you’d show up,” Hoodie mused as he dug his boot onto Natalie’s skull, making her cry out in pain and fear. Her arms reached out for Toby, his name permanently on her lips.

“You f-fucking bastard!” Toby roared as he lurched forward, attempting to beat Hoodie within an inch of his life when something hard smacked into the back of his head. Toby turned around to see Masky. His brown eyes were full of murder as he stalked towards Toby.

“I should kill you for this,” Masky sneered as he got within arm’s distance of Toby.

Toby glared and swung his hatchet again at Masky, now out for blood when Hoodie slammed his boot back into Natalie’s skull, a crack sending Toby into a fury.

“You won’t touch him if you know what’s good for you,” Hoodie said, his hands loosely hung in his pockets. “Leave him alone and focus on your girl.”

Toby felt chills down his spine as he turned his full attention to Natalie. “My g-g-girl,” he whispered as he fell to his knees to hold her. “M-My s-sweet, sweet g-girl.” His hands shoved Hoodie off of her skull, giving her room to breathe. After that, he turned her over on her back as she cried out in pain. He rested her head on his lap and let her sob.

“Toby,” she croaked in a voice like sandpaper. “Toby, it hurts,” she cried, hands reaching out to his face.

“I know,” he said as he gripped her hand. “I k-know, baby, I k-know.” Tears were pouring from his eyes just to see someone he loved in such pain. “It’ll b-be over soon, I p-promise.” His other hand that wasn’t being gripped by Natalie’s went to pet her hair and give her some comfort.

“Over real soon,” Masky huffed. “You better finish this.” Masky continued. “Or I’ll make Hoodie put a bullet in her skull.”

Toby sent another glare up to Masky and protectively held onto Natalie just a bit harder to not cause her physical body anymore pain.

“We need to run,” Natalie whispered as she reached up to hold Toby’s face. “We can still go-”

Toby hushed her as his eyes scanned over her body. She was beyond repair. Hoodie had broken her legs and bent them at angles that should not exist. “You n-need to r-rest, okay? W-We’ll go in t-t-the morning, I p-promise.”

“You do?” She asked, her beautiful green eye beginning to see the world more in shapes than in

“Y-Yes,” Toby promises. “Have I e-e-ever broken a p-promise to y-you?” He hummed before leaning down as best he could to kiss her forehead. “I l-love you, s-so, so m-much.”

Natalie sleepily giggled and allowed her tears to cascade down her face. “I love you too. To the moon and back?”

“T-To the moon a-a-and back,” he said as the grip she held on his hand weakened.

“Toby, my Toby,” she said softly, her voice growing softer as she repeated the words like a mantra. When her breathing slowed until it was nothing, her hand went limp in Toby’s.

Toby closed his eyes as his heart fell into millions of pieces. He refused to let Natalie go that night, and his teammates, who had acted on behalf of a father who did not love them, let him.

“A p-part of m-me died with h-her that night,” Toby says as he lovingly looks over the letters. “I still c-can’t breathe r-right without her.” He closes his eyes and allows his tears to fall. “I d-don’t think I e-e-ever will.”

You get up from your seat and pick it up, silently moving it to rest next to Toby as he begins to cry. You know he must’ve held this one in for so, so long. After planting your chair down next to him, you take him into your arms and allow him to cry.

Toby holds onto you and doesn’t let go. It’s like he views you as a comfort blanket or a teddy bear. And you let him. You let him get it all out.

You feel tears well in your eyes and let them fall too.

#ticci toby #ticci toby x reader #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #angst #toby creepypasta #reader insert #clockwork #natalie ouellette

63 notes · View notes