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hoebaring · 2 years

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Open Books (23) | Kim Namjoon

An unpredicted switch of journals brings two strangers close. Strangers with similarly perturbing experiences, and beautifully healing souls. Abused, bullied, and traumatized, they help each other, and those around them break away from similar experiences, heal and grow gracefully. With thoughtful emotions, and ever growing minds, Y/n and Namjoon are delicate heroes.

They understand the best in each other, and the worst, like open books.

Tags/Warnings :- Child abuse, domestic violence, traumatized characters, bullying, self harm, mentions of toxic relationships, angst. I know it's dark but trust me it gets better! namjoonXreader, Namjoon and Y/n, A slow burn romance, fluff, strangers to friends, strangers to lovers, self love, healing, etc.

Cross posted on Wattpad

Written by Author G

Word count :- 1.06K Words

Additional Warnings :- TRIGGER WARNING. SELF HARM. AND MENTIONS OF BLOOD. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION. AND TAKE CARE.

Masterlist Previously Next

~The Devil Itself~

"Namjoon. You can't cut it that way, pabo."

Dahee wakes up to her mother's sweet voice lightly scolding her brother, seemingly over something silly.

"I can't do this eomma. You do it. I'll boil the water ins-" Namjoon offers, a laugh very prominently evident in his voice as he picks up the pot only to drop it on the floor, resulting in a loud rattle.

"Namjoon!" She exclaims yet again.

"Sorry" He winces, though it soon turns into a hearty laugh.

Dahee walks into the kitchen and witnesses what looks like a mini World War III.

Three cooking vessels turned over on the water stained floor, onions sliced in the shape of mozzarella sticks and her mother looking at her brother with an intense stare that looked like one you would see in a cartoon.

Although the house was quite chaotic right now, Dahee had never felt peace like this. This chaos wasn't one of panic, but one of lighthearted goofiness. And it was something she had never experienced.

"I'm clumsy, you know" Namjoon says to his mother.

"Quiet stupid too" Dahee retorts with a slight snort.

Namjoon whips his head around and sees his sister leaning on the brick tiled wall of the kitchen, a teasing glint evident in her eyes.

"Dahee-ah. You're awake? Come help eomma with this. I might end up setting fire to the house otherwise." He jokes to which Dahee rolls her eyes.

"Why would you cut onions like that?" She teases while picking up the knife from the counter and slicing the 'sticks' into a fine dice.

"Don't even ask." His mother answers for him to which his face falls, looking like a frustrated puppy.

****

🚨TRIGGER WARNING. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. PLEASE🚨

This is weird. Do I really deserve this? Something bad is going to happen. That's why it's so peaceful right now isn't it? I just know it.

It felt unusual to feel at peace when all she is used to feeling is negativity.

Against the cold walls of the white tiled bathroom stood Dahee, her eyes teary, red and swollen, a strong and cryptic rushed urge to cry, her heart pounding loudly in her ears as she desperately tried to tune out her cries by keeping the water on, letting it fill the bathtub noisily.

She felt this kind of an emotional urge many times before, but it was always overpowered by the physical pain she felt when her father bruised her. This was the first time she actually felt it with all her senses, and it made her go crazy. She didn't know how to deal with this. She wanted, no, needed something to stop the feeling.

Almost as if the devil had heard her thoughts, it stopped. She feels a sharp prick making her gasp, and the emotional agony she felt was quickly shoved aside by the physical pricking on her finger.

The bathtub starts overflowing, but Dahee makes no move to stop it from doing so.

It's quiet. The dull throbbing in her finger seems to slow down dramatically as she realizes what just happened. She slowly lifts her hand up and sees a small cut on her forefinger, a blade sticking out of the cut painfully. Sliding down the wall, she sits on the floor. She rips the blade out and places it beside her, whimpering in pain as blood slowly starts oozing out of the cut.

The next few minutes feel like years to her. Once again, she is filled with the urge to cry as her throat feels like it's closing up, and almost immediately, her gaze falls on the shiny metal which seemed to glisten evilly in the glow of the dull light.

Without a second's thought, she picks it up.

****

XX-XX-XXXX

This kind of a feeling; A feeling of peace which I haven't felt in a very long time, is quite overwhelming. I don't have any person to talk to about it right now, so I turned to you.

I think this is the first time that I'm writing in this book about something happy.

Maybe not happy, but, untroubling.

Sitting on the sofa, the night lamp being the only source of light, Namjoon penned his way through his journal, about the entire emotional situation at home today. It was new to him to feel this way; To see his sister genuinely smile and joke around, without the fear of being ridiculed, his mother free of the worries that came along as a package for being the wife of a cruel and unforgiving man, who hurt her and her children. It was new, and refreshing.

For the first time in years, my day with my family had gone fairly well. There was no drama at home, at ALL. The only presence that had to change was his, who sadly, couldn't change himself. But, he decided to leave, so, there definitely was a change in presence, from the very person who needed to change. Although I still feel guilty about how things turned out for eomma regarding the entire situation, it feels very unburdening for me right now since I know that Dahee won't be getting hurt because of him from now on.

It was tragic that he felt that way really, when unbeknownst to him, the very person he was happy for, sat just a few feet away from him, in a closed space, with the devil itself.

*****

A/N :-

Hi. A few words.

Self Harm. It's the devil.

No matter what the cause is, it's tragic for a person to feel like hurting themselves. And for someone to do it is downright devastating.

Harming yourself is going to leave scars on you so deep and cruel, emotionally, physically and mentally, that you may or may not be able to erase them later.

Things might be very hard at times, and I am not going to ask you to 'look at the positive side of life' because I know it can be very hard to do so.

All I plead for you to do is to confide in a person you trust and feel comfortable with.

There's no shame in seeking for help. None at all. In fact, it's a very very brave thing to do.

Please, try and seek help. Today. Tomorrow. But soon. Because every single time you hurt yourself, you're hurting you. And you're a person aren't you? So, it's safe to say that you're hurting a person, that you know very well.

Think about it. Act on it. Soon. Please.

Author G

💖

#openbooks #angst #fluff #namjoonfluff #namjoonangst #namjoon x reader #namjoon x y/n #namjoonff #selfharm #selflove #bts #slowburn #itgetsbetter #healing #open books

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kangmochii · 5 years

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Title: Perfect timing

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader, a little bit of everyone

Genre: Fluff, Angst? Bestfriends turned into lovers?

Summary: A little bit of you falling inlove with Namjoon.

Authors note: I am sorrry for the incorrect grammar such being English not my first language I tend to have hard time editing grammar and everything. This came unto me while I was in working and actually spent the whole day writting about this. Please tell me if you like it. I am trying to gain my confidence back in my writting. Take care of yourself and be happy all the time 🤗😘

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“Is Namjoon coming?” Your room mate Taehyung asked one Friday afternoon. You were preparing dinner for the guys who usually hangs in your place (because it’s bigger than our place – Jin quipped one time) it was actually a blessing that you were free that day. Fridays are worst at the hospital and there were so many people coming – but the medical director said you can go and take a rest and you’re planning to spend it with the boys whom you treat like brothers. It started with just you and Namjoon then you met Taehyung while you were in college. He was also an aspiring doctor that time that became your emotional support when Namjoon is away which end up with you and Namjoon arguing about it. The fighting only stopped when he found out that Taehyung was dating Jungkook, a cute freshman that time. The three of you hung out as much as you can Namjoon appearing when he can, often bringing Yoongi – his quiet roommate who dates this cheerful boy Jimin which made the atmosphere lighter when you guys hung around. Jin entered your lives in a different manner since he was your neighbour. You always thought he was dating his roommate but after a couple of teas and random passing in the corridors you realized that he doesn’t and in fact he and Hobi are childhood friends and nothing else. Your love for these boys and your best friend will always be limitless. But it will always be different with Namjoon. He is and always be special. It has been like this ever since you were kids. You were always like Namjoon’s little sister, you were always crying in his arms when one of the girls bullied you, or that time when both of you were in high school and you were crying in his arms because of a boy. It was extremely difficult for you when you guys went to different colleges- you pursuing Medicine and him going to a music school, but there was always this promise that you won’t let each other down. That is when you realized that you had actually fallen in love with your best friend.

“Stop asking me about it. You know he is coming and brining that girl again.” You replied to Tae- a little too harsh but you felt guilty as soon as you saw his face fell sad. “I’m sorry hun, you know how I feel about him dating her I’m happy for him but I just feel a little uncomfortable about her.” Maybe it’s because of your feelings for your best friend that you pushed away because you’re scared of or maybe you’re scared because she knows. She knows a little too much that’s why whenever you’re around she pulls Namjoon a little closer but Namjoon doesn’t and it makes you crazy. “I’m sorry for bringing it up, y/n. but you can’t blame him if he doesn’t know what you feel for him. Jungkook keeps on telling me that he knows that Namjoon likes you but you kept on thinking about ruining your friendship.”

“I know. I can’t exactly blame anyone in this matter. It’s just a lot to handle you know. I barely see him nowadays. He’s always in her place or with her or doing god knows what with her.”

“If he doesn’t bring her with him tonight you have to tell him, y/n.” Taehyung said hugging you.

As you continue to ramble on the door opened with a loud thud and a lanky figure came with it “I bought soju!” Jin quickly entered with Hobi next to him rambling about chips and their new fishing adventure (which ended up Jin failing to catch a single fish) hanging out with the guys is very comforting and fun in a way. You don’t get to be overdramatic with them because they know and they understand. At some point of your intertwined live you suspect that everyone knows what you felt about your bestfriend but nobody said anything about it. Except Taehyung. While you were preparing dinner you heard Namjoon came in with Yoongi and the other guys with more chicken and beer and everyone was happy to experience a little comfort after a hardwork that week.

As soon as dinner was finished you and the guys were seated at the living room watching a horror flick that Jungkook pick (“come on hobi hyung done be scared!”) and you were nestled against Namjoon trying to savour these last moments because his girlfriend isn’t there you should feel guilty because you were pining over someone who was in a relationship but theres nothing to be guilty about since he is your bestfriend.. right?

In the middle of the movie, Namjoon could feel you getting nervous as the scenes progresses but shows nothing instead he just snaked his armed around you and hugged you closer “you okay, babe?” he whispered earning a soft “hmm” from you. He felt you melt in his touch – something that he missed for a long time ago. “I missed you. We haven’t done this for a long time” he quickly said.

“I know. It’s been like this since you’re busy with her”

“Do I sense a bit of jealousy here?” Namjoon shockingly asked.

“Of course she is you dumbass. She likes you.” Out of nowhere yoongi’s strained voice appeared and then you realized that he was cuddling with Jimin and everyone was watching your little interaction with Joon.

“Hyung. You should talk with y/n. she might tell you something.” Jungkook suddenly said earning a yes from Taehyung.

“Yah. Go talk to her. Im tired of listening to her bitching ass everyday because of this. And Im also tired of listening to rants, joonie. Settle this in the room and we will be here watching this stupid movie Jungkook picked” Jin said.

“Let’s talk, y/n” Namjoon quickly pulled you to your room.

Your room doesn’t really have much- study table with a chair and a bed, just a few pictures of your family and your friends, the boys with you on a beach last summer and a picture of you and Namjoon in your college graduation. Namjoon quickly sat on your bed and said “in all seriousness, y/n what the hell is happening? Tell me everything. No secrets and any bullcrap. You know that I klnow when you lie”

“What do you want me to tell you?”

“What were the boys telling out there?”

“What were they talking about you earlier too?” you shot back suddenly annoyed with all the questions.

“Tell me first then I’ll tell you.” He replied.

You took a deep breath and reminded yourself that this is now or never,. Whatever yopu will say here will change your friendship with him and eventhough you were scared in your wits you pulled hyourself together and tell him the words you were dreading to tell him since day one.

“I love you, Joon.” You quickly mumbled

“what?” he stool there mouth hanging open.

“I know it seems stupid for me too. Im sorry that I fell inlove with you. It wasn’t something I planned and something that I wanted. I know were good friends and I don’t want to ruin it because of this. I also know you’re dating her which makes it more stupid than ever but I swear joon I don’t want our friendship to end because of this” tears cant stop falling from your face this time. It felt like a dam opening lots of feelings how many years did you try to hide it from him? All those touches? All those smiles? Who wouldn’t fall inlove with Kim Namjoon? He was beyond perfect and he was the perfect bestfriend for you.

“When did it start?” Namjoon asked.

“I don’t know. These things don’t have a starting date you know.”

“Has been like this since last year?”

“2 years ago I guess. It was around the time I got my physicians license.” You smiled sadly. Fondly remembering how you guys celebrated when you and taehyung passed the physicians licensure examination. “Why haven’t you told me?”

“How could I tell you I was in love with you? How can I ruin our friendship? I know you only see me as a friend and nothing else. I’d rather have this feelings hidden instead of losing you, you know.” You sad beside him and grabbed the Ryan plushie he got you last time.

He chuckled sadly and looked at your straight into the eye “I guess its time we both come clean, huh?”

“What do you mean?”

He cleared his throat and said “I loved you ever since, y/n. before you going to medical school, before you crying because a guy hurt you way back high school. I guess ever since we were kids; I always have this thing about you. Then thing is, I can’t really pursue you that time since you were so determined to be a doctor so I decided to just help you and be there along the way – or maybe that’s what I was telling myself that time but seeing you right now all grown up and smartass makes me want you more but it got me more afraid because why would you like me? You’re a doctor, I’m just someone who makes music with his friends and sells it for a couple of bucks. You wouldn’t want me because I was just a jerk who comes here every now and then to make you smile and eat your food since you buy too many. I was a nobody, y/n and about her; you know that we broke up months ago right? Finally got the guts to tell her that I’m not really into her I guess she finally caught me since she told me she knew it was you all along.”

“That’s the most stupid reason I heard, and stop eating the food I kept on buying for Taehyung and Jungkook. You know they eat like Vikings “ you said. Can’t believe what was just happening right now.

“So that makes us both stupid, huh” Namjoon smiled at you showing his dimples.

You giggled and hugged him this time all the worries in world forgotten. What matters as of now is his smile and his lips leaning into yours and feeling his lips better than you imagined. Then suddenly

“YAH DON’T HAVE SEX WHILE WERE HERE!!” a loud voice shouted from outside which you guess was Hobi along with “I’m glad this is finally settled. Im tired of hearing Namjoon whine about her”

Then you realized, this is the perfect timing for the both of you. <3

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Can someone tell me how to make the (read more) link thing? I am editing on my phone as of the moment and I cant seem to find it. 😅 tysm, my loves! 😍

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snakeassembly · 6 years

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No. 14

Namjoon x Reader (Angst)

Summary: "This isn't love."

"Why not?"

"Because you're hurting me."

How much love can you give someone before they die from it?

Author's Note: This is the most challenging piece that I've ever worked on. I have never written a suspenseful story before and I didn't realize how much planning and thought it goes into creating one (my brain hurts). I know I haven't been uploading a lot, but I'll try to upload as much as I can for the remainder of my Spring Break. Enjoy my lovelies! :) Please don’t be afraid to comment so I know how to improve my writing!

It first started out with a few texts.

‘Where are you?’

‘Why aren’t you replying to me? :(‘

Those were the types of messages you would receive from Namjoon and you initially brushed them off as concern. Even though many girls wouldn’t like a clingy guy, you actually liked his need for your attention. It made you feel wanted and it was a good ego boost.

When you didn’t reply within two minutes, he would send a series of messages asking what you were doing, where you were, and who you were with. If you ignored him when you were with your friends, he would simply call you, much to their annoyance.

It was endearing how Namjoon was so worried about you until his intentions became questionable.

The texts turned ominous and your skin crawled whenever you hear your phone ding or feel your phone vibrate.

You felt suffocated and the worst part of it was, you guys weren’t even dating.

You’ve tried everything to stop Namjoon from contacting you. From blocking him to changing your phone number, neither one worked. He always managed to find out your new one.

‘Answer me before you’ll regret it.’

‘You don’t want to make me angry.’

One evening, you laid on your bed with another new phone on the night stand. You attempted to not pay any attention to the constant blinking light that radiated off of it.

Sleep didn’t come easily anymore, not when you have someone terrorizing you.

Every time you walked out of your apartment’s door, you wondered if you would be able to come home that night. However, there were times when you didn’t even want to come home because you were afraid that you would find Namjoon sitting on your couch in the middle of the living room.

Fortunately, it hasn’t escalated to the point where he starts showing up to your workplace or apartment … yet.

You rested one of your palms across your eyes in attempt to relieve the tiredness to no avail.

It was difficult for you to breathe lately. Every text and call made you short of breath and you would feel your eyes well up with unshed tears. However, you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of having such an emotional control over you. No, you refused to. You’ve been holding it together for this long and you couldn’t just give up now.

You let out a shaky breath and placed the other hand on your chest to steady your heart. You felt like it could lurch out of your throat at any moment.

You were afraid for your life.

You could sense something terrible was going to happen and you had no idea how to stop it.

All of a sudden, the bright flickering light from your phone stopped.

You lifted your hand from your eyes and glanced towards the device. You were expecting another notification from him, but all you received was a dark screen that didn’t light up for the rest of the night or the day after.

In fact, you didn’t hear anything from him for the rest of the week.

Maybe he finally understood the message and gave up. Maybe you can stop double checking your locks before you go to bed. Maybe you don’t have to ask one of your friends to accompany you everywhere anymore. Maybe you can finally get a goodnight’s sleep without a kitchen knife under your pillow.

Maybe, just maybe, he will leave you alone from now on.

If only you knew how terribly wrong you were.

Someone was watching you.

You can feel it from your bones all the way to your veins.

You were being hunted like a damn animal. It’s like a sniper is trained on you and is following your every movement.

You wish he would just pull the trigger already to put you out of your misery. It's a game to him and you don't want to play at all.

He didn’t have to show up for you to know that he’s there.

At work, a few customers would approach you with something in their hand and informed you that, "A gentleman told me to make sure you get this." The items or "gifts" as he would call it were nothing but a reminder that you will never be rid of him and just the mere thought of that makes you break out in cold sweat. You would choose the pestering texts and calls over these trinkets any day. At least with those, you felt safer because he didn't feel real through the screen. In a way, it made you feel like it was possible for it to just be a horrible nightmare and that you were going to wake up soon.

What made it worse was that your coworkers were actually jealous of you for having such a devoted "admirer."

The rational part of you was screaming at you to pack up your belongings and move cities or even countries, but your shoulders immediately slumped at the idea because you wouldn’t put it past him to track you down and find you. You hoped that by being passive in the situation, it would help ease the tension. However, it seemed to just encourage him even more.

The bell to the flower shop interrupted your train of thought as an elderly lady came in and you hurriedly greeted her.

"Welcome to Caste Flowers, how may I help you?" You forced a smile on your face to mask your troubling thoughts.

The woman gave you an endearing smile before lightly shaking her head.

"Oh no, I'm not here to buy anything. I'm here for you darling."

Your eyebrows scrunch up in confusion before raising a finger to hesitantly point at yourself.

“….Me…?”

She let out a laugh that spread warmth throughout your body. It reminded you of the sensation of putting on clothes that were just fresh out of the laundry.

The woman eagerly nodded before rummaging around her green tote bag which was decorated with pink carnations. You patiently waited for her to find what she’s looking for as your head tilted to the side in curiosity.

She pulled out a small box which was perfectly wrapped with a golden ribbon on top.

You felt your heart drop to the floor.

“A nice young man stopped me when I was walking and asked me to hand this to you as a favor. He’s very handsome and well mannered! Is he your boyfriend?”

A nervous laugh escaped from your mouth and you hope the woman didn’t sense your uncomfortable state.

“Oh no, he’s not my boyfriend,” you weakly muttered without any further explanation.

You took the gift from her hand and placed it in front of you on the counter. You started to stare the box down, like something was going to jump out at you at any given moment.

“Well, he seems to have quite a crush on you,” you couldn’t help but mentally scoff at the comment. A crush? It was more of an obsession instead.

The lady continued, “You’re very lucky to have such a charming admirer. He has very nice dimples.” There’s that word again. Lucky.

What do these people know? All they can see is the exterior and how a man is romantically expressing his love for the woman he likes. Yet, they are oblivious to the toxicity and distress that the person is suffering with the unwelcome affection. They wish they could be in the girl’s position, but they fail to realize that they may end up dead if they were.

You finally tore your eyes away from the box and met the woman’s eyes. She reminded you of your mother before she passed away. The motherly gaze that she gave you was almost enough for you to spill out the truth. All you wanted to do was collapse into her arms and relieve yourself of the stress and paranoia that you’ve been going through. Yet, you didn’t have the heart to bring her into this mess and so you held your head high, thanked her for the gift, and bid her a goodbye when in reality you just wanted her to come back.

You returned your gaze to the gift that’s been mocking you since the moment you sat it down.

With trembling hands, you graze the edges of the lid before gathering the courage to take the top off.

You expected another bottle of perfume, some jewelry, or even chocolates, but instead, in the middle of the box was a picture. To be more specific, it was a picture of you from today. It must be because your hair was styled in the same high pony tail with curls framing your face while you were helping one of the customers pick out a bouquet for his 10th anniversary.

What unnerved you was how close the picture seems to be taken. It looked like it was captured just outside the shop from one of the windows. You feel your legs begin to shake and you quickly gripped the counter to steady yourself. Your trembling eyes quickly dart around the store and outside at the people and the buildings nearby.

He’s near.

He was just right outside, and you were oblivious to it. You bit your lip to prevent yourself from crying out in despair.

"Hey," You were shaken from your thoughts by one of your coworkers, Jimin, who's been gazing at you with concern from the corner of the store, “you look like you’ve just seen a ghost. Is everything alright?”

You quickly covered up the picture and placed the box under your arms. You were sick of saying that you’re fine when you weren’t.

With a deep sigh that couldn’t even remotely reveal the troubles that you’re having, you softly said, “No, I don’t feel very well.” This made Jimin come closer and place a hand over your forehead.

“I can tell. You look like you haven’t eaten in days and you’re paler than a person should be.” The store’s bell rang, signaling to the both of you guys that a customer arrived, but you guys paid them no attention.

You grasped Jimin’s hand and moved it away from your forehead before pinching the bridge of your nose. “Is it okay if I go home early today? I feel like I’m going to throw up at any moment.” Not like it would be from any sort of real sickness, but the picture ruined any sanity that you worked so hard to have in order to power through the day.

“Of course, we can manage without you! You go home and get some rest. I’ll come over to bring you some chicken soup tonight,” Jimin warmly smiled at you and you felt comforted with his crinkled eyes and rosy cheeks. You hold out one of your hands for a fist bump which he gladly met before making your way to the back room to gather your belongings.

On the other hand, Jimin made his way around the counter to assist the remaining customers. He was finishing one of his transactions when he noticed a shadow looming over him. He looked up before happily asking if the person found everything to be okay.

“Yes, you guys have very beautiful flowers here, especially the carnations.” The customer handed over a single yellow carnation to Jimin and Jimin couldn’t help but be a little confused.

“Only one? Most men usually go for a whole bouquet,” He inquired.

The man lets out a soft chuckle, “She's not like the others. She’s not the type to place emphasis on the quantity. One would get the message across.”

Jimin's eyes almost fell out of his sockets.

"She's special then because I need to get myself a girl like that," there was a slight pause, "I wonder, where did you find her?"

"By chance." There was a dreamy tone to his voice, like the person was deeply infatuated with his girl.

Jimin tied the finishing bow onto the flower's stem before handing it over to the customer. "Would you like a card?

The customer shakes his head no before making his way to the door. However, he suddenly stopped in his tracks and returned back to the counter.

"Actually, I would love one."

Just when the customer left, you came out from the back room, all bundled up to protect yourself from the chilly weather outside. You finished putting on your scarf and you pulled your long ponytail from under the wrap. The gift that Namjoon gave you was safely tucked in your bag even though you were planning to throw it away once you get home. It's just you couldn't risk any of your coworkers finding the picture. That would raise questions that you would have no idea on how to answer.

You start leaving the store and from behind, Jimin waved at you and hoped for your speedy recovery. However, the second the bell signaled your departure and the door closed, the corners of Jimin's mouth returned to its neutral state and he glanced around the empty shop. Jimin grabbed the dusty and old broom from the corner and started sweeping, not that it needed any cleaning. You've always made sure to keep the shop tidy and pristine.

While he was doing so, his mouth curved into an 'o' and a tune escaped. The echoes of the whistling sent vibrations through the walls. In a way, it sounded sinister when in such silence. The melody started off as upbeat and midway, took on a more menacing tone and yet towards the end, it sounded…. remorseful.

It was a song of farewell.

One step after another, the other one followed.

He made sure to match his steps to yours despite that he was at least four meters from you.

He blended in with the shadows, watching from a distance with his breath hitched in his throat. The autumn’s crispy breeze swept through your ponytail, making your baby hairs and a few strands to be free from the knot. The way your hair so cheerfully swings from side to side could have fooled anyone that you were in a good mood if they didn’t pay attention to your heavy steps.

He noticed though. He noticed every single intricate nook and cranny of your body language from the way you furrow your eyebrows when you concentrate to the way your lips pursed when you’re frustrated.

It seemed like you were not happy and he was the reason why, but the guy was delusional. His judgement has been clouded and there was no turning back. He couldn’t distinguish from love and obsession anymore and at this point, he really doesn’t care.

He wanted you and he was going to get you.

A knock forced you to throw the blankets from your body and you trudged to your small apartment’s door. It was only nine in the evening, but you have been in bed since the moment you arrived home. Without looking through the peep hole, you unlatched the many locks that you had installed to your door and opened it. You expected Jimin to be on the other side, yet he wasn’t.

In fact, no one was there.

You glanced to the left and right of the empty hall way before realizing there was something at your feet. When you took a closer look, it was a single yellow carnation.

Terror suddenly had you in a vice-like grip. Your stomach felt like it was full of lead and your vision suddenly blurred. Your heart was beating so erratically to the point that it was kind of painful. Your throat felt like you just swallowed sandpaper.

You wanted nothing more than to rewind time and tell yourself to stay in that Friday afternoon, to not head to that library. Maybe then you wouldn’t have met Namjoon and you wouldn’t be in this situation.

You fought through the fear and reached down to grab the flower and you noticed a card was attached.

It was a simple phrase. Your grip went slack, and the flower and card fluttered to the ground as you quickly went inside your apartment and hurriedly bolted the door. Your body collapsed to the ground and you curled into a feeble position as you try to muffle the cries of despair and helplessness.

On the other side of the door, the note remained on the floor with the mocking words.

Peek a-boo.

You couldn’t see anything.

The second you inhaled the chloroform was the moment that you blacked out. Even though you were finally conscious, all you could see was darkness. You let out a groan and tried stretching your arms only to find that you were bound. You yanked against your restraints a few more times to be certain that this was real.

“Careful or else you’ll hurt yourself,” a voice sounds from your left.

The sound of a pencil scratching against paper reaches your ears as you try to focus on the source.

You let out a whimper as you try to shrink back into the bed.

Your lips quivered as you croaked out, “W-where am I?”

You were met with silence except for the rustling of the paper which indicated the person turning to a new page.

Feeling a bit bolder, you cleared your throat to get rid of the lump and tried to make your voice seem stronger.

“I asked you a question, Namjoon,” your voice cracked towards the end of your sentence.

Damn.

The scratching noise suddenly stopped and the hair on the back of your neck sticks up when you feel eyes boring into the side of your face. Suddenly, you feel them traveling down your body and you attempt to contain the red flush of your cheeks.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to make any demands,” Namjoon’s lips were brushing against your ear. You flinched away from him in shock.

He lets out a soft chuckle before you hear his footsteps getting away from the bed. The floorboards creaked with every movement he made.

“W-wait.”

Another silence. You took this as your cue to continue.

“Can you take the blindfold o-off?”

Namjoon lets out a thoughtful hum before shaking his head. However, he remembered you couldn’t see and that made him giggle. You feel your eyes furrow in confusion.

“Not until you behave kitten.”

The nickname ignited a fire inside you and you thrashed uncontrollably on the bed. The steel chains around your wrists dig mercilessly into your skin as a result. You were positive that the liquid slithering down your arm was your blood but you didn’t care at this point.

“You fucking BASTARD,” you screamed out, “You’re such a sick person! I can’t believe that you think this is love! Let me fucking go!”

Suddenly, you were pinned down by Namjoon’s body and the heat from his body did nothing to calm you down. In fact, you started to move your hips upwards to try to get him off of you, but when he lets out a throaty moan you immediately stopped.

“I would enjoy you grinding against me if it wasn’t for you screaming bloody murder.” Namjoon’s breath fanned across your face and you feel his fingers wipe away the wetness from your eyes.

“Don’t worry though, you’ll be screaming my name soon,” you can hear the smirk in his tone and all you want to do is punch him to death.

Without another word, he got off of you and made his way to the door. He slammed it shut and you listen intently to the sound of numerous locks being snapped into place.

You lay there helplessly as you continue to sob like a child. There was no way you could escape.

You have no clue how many days have passed.

Namjoon has been accommodating more than the average kidnapper. After all, he claims to be in love with you.

He’s been making sure you were eating, but it was no easy task in the beginning. The next day after he first brought you to the place, he attempted to spoon feed you some chicken noodle soup. However, your pride made you refuse and your mouth was kept firmly shut. Namjoon eventually got frustrated and poured the whole thing down your throat and cupped a hand over your mouth until you swallowed.

You, being you, couldn’t let him have the last say and you made sure to save some of the boiling soup in your mouth. When he took his hand off, you wasted no time in spitting it in his face.

He roughly snatched your chin and yanked you up towards him. You were smug about being able to get him riled up and you were hoping he would hit you. Sensing that this is what you wanted, Namjoon let out a deep sigh before throwing you back into the bed.

He didn’t bring you any food the following day. He was going to wait until you break and you weren’t going to go down without a fight.

It was two days before you heard the door open again.

The clattering of bowls and dishes on the tray as he walked towards you made you realize why he was there.

You took in a deep breath and quickly regretted it as your stomach growl from hunger.

Namjoon choked back laughter and you feel the bed dip underneath his weight. "If you don't eat then you'll die," his tone is laced with amusement and you rolled your eyes behind the blindfold.

"That's kind of the point." You scooted as far away as you can from him, which wasn't very far considering you were still chained. Namjoon frowned at your state. You looked pathetic and not the fiery woman that he was infatuated with.

He reached across the bed towards your face and you feel the heat from his hand. Before you can jerk away, he shushed you. You feel a tug on your blindfold and you quickly shut your eyes to the unexpected light. After blinking several times, your vision suddenly begins to clear up. The blurry objects start taking shape and the first thing that you noticed was Namjoon who was a few inches away from you. His black hair was messy with a few strands falling in front of his eyes and his golden skin seemed to shine greater under the lowlights of the room. He flashed his dimples at you before moving away.

He stirred the chicken noodle soup while blowing on it to cool it down. You sat shell shocked from his actions and you softly whispered, "Why?"

Namjoon quirked up one of his eyebrows in confusion. He didn't understand why you would even ask that question. "What do you mean 'why'?"

"Why would you take off the blindfold?" He held out the spoon which contains the soup to you. You cautiously glance at it before Namjoon gave you an encouraging nod. You hesitantly open your mouth and you held back a moan from the warm liquid as it went down your throat.

Namjoon smiled at you as he went ahead and grab another spoonful. "I was sick of looking at you."

"I mean, you can, you know, let me go?" He quickly shook his head at your suggestion.

"I was referring to you looking like a beat up puppy." You choked on the soup and he quickly dodged as you sat there coughing uncontrollably. He lightly pats on your back in an attempt to soothe your fits. "You were starting to lose your fire and I didn't want to be responsible for that. I want you to continue to fight me, to try to escape instead of accepting your fate. That's what caught my attention about you in the first place. You scolded me for being too loud in the library when you were trying to study for your chemistry test. How did that go by the way?"

"Fantastic," you sarcastically drawled out. If making a 54 is considered fantastic by anyone's standards, then you did very well.

Feeding you the last spoon of food, Namjoon gently wiped your mouth with a napkin. He quickly cleaned up and picked up the tray.

"Don't give up."

The only sounds you were greeted with were the sounds of locks going back into their place.

You would never admit it to anyone, especially to Namjoon, that it wasn't so bad being a captive. Namjoon treated you with a gentle hand that you didn't know that he was capable of. After a few days of eating chicken noodle soup, you were starting to get tired of it.

"Do you not know how to make anything else? I think my tongue is about to fall off if I keep eating the same thing three times a day." However, you opened your mouth for the next spoonful and you swallowed with great difficulty.

"This is the only thing I know how to cook. I'm afraid of burning the place down if I try anything else."

"Well, we wouldn't want that considering I can't really escape if a fire breaks out," You held up your chained wrists to his face in order to prove a point.

Namjoon gazed at the dry blood on your wrists and left the room before returning with a first aid kit. He started to alternate between cleaning up your wounds and feeding you and you looked at him with slight admiration.

"That's not true," Namjoon suddenly whispered. He sounded vulnerable, like he was... scared.

You let out a hum in question. "I would come back and save you." You were so surprised at his confession that when he left, you didn't realize that he unlocked your chains and that you were able to freely move now.

When you woke up the next morning to a pile of clean clothes on your bed with a note, 'You're stinking up my place," you couldn't help but let out a soft laugh. However, Namjoon heard it from next door and he tried not to spasm in joy.

You walked out of the bathroom with only a towel covering your body. You realized that you had to walk across the hallway to get back to your room, which Namjoon got rid of the chains from the bed post. You quickly made your way back in hopes of not running into Namjoon. You thought you were safe from his prying eyes until you heard the moans and grunts from next door.

However, he never mentioned the incident when he came to your room later on that night to feed you. This time, it was fried chicken and waffle fries instead.

You were starting to become comfortable around him and he was grateful for you starting to open up to him. He wasn't a terrible person. He knows he struggles with expressing his emotions and he ends up doing it in an unhealthy way. However, he knew that he had good intentions.

The days blurred and you no longer care about how long it's been.

Eventually, you guys would sometimes eat dinner together on the table in the cramped kitchen or would sit silently reading books together. He didn't have a TV and even though he has a phone, you never saw it in his hand.

One day, you were casually sitting on the worn down couch, reading one of his many book selections from his shelf, when Namjoon walked through the door with a bag of take out in his hand.

"Hey," you greeted him without looking up from your book.

"That's not how you greet me," his voice sounded dark and menacing, but when you laid eyes on him, you can see his eyes twinkle in mischief.

You patted your lap and Namjoon set the take out on the table in front of the couch before plopping his head down. Your fingers curled into his coarse hair before you lean forward to take out the boxes from the bag.

You were oblivious to your chest being in Namjoon's face until you feel his mouth on one of your nipples through your thin nightgown. He quickly reaches up behind your neck to keep you still as he teasingly nip and lick your bud.

"N-namjoon," you stuttered out, "the f-food."

"Don't care," his deep voice sent vibrations through your body and you feel your core getting wet, "you're my meal for tonight." He released his hold on you and sat against the couch. He pulled you into his lap so roughly that you had to put your hands on his chest to stop yourself from crashing into him.

His hands started traveling under your gown and dangerously brushed the inside of your thighs. You reached under to stop him from moving any closer. Your action made your gown hike up even more and you were exposed to him. You can feel Namjoon's bulge become even harder underneath and you try to ignore it.

"B-but, our situation," you weakly protested.

"Don't think about that. Not right now at least. We'll deal with it later." He licked a long slit against the side of your neck and you leaned back to give him more access.

That night, he took you roughly and painfully. That night, as he fucked you into oblivion on top of every surface that he could find. That night, as he gently wiped his cum off of you and laid you down in his bed, you came into a realization.

You were in love with him. You fell in love with him and you fell hard.

You were woken up by fingers trailing down your naked back. You sleepily brushed the fingers away and nuzzle closer to the warm body next to you.

"Kitten, it's time to wake up," Namjoon teasingly sing to you.

You open one of your eyes to meet his endearing gaze and let out a loud groan. You rolled over on to your stomach and stretched your body out like a cat, making the blanket that was covering you to fall.

"I could get used to this view every day." Namjoon lets out a genuine laugh before walking over to his dresser to take out some clothes. He handed a pair to you and proceeded to put his own outfit on.

"I have to go somewhere to take care of some business, so I won't be back in a couple of hours."

You didn't reply as you dressed yourself. Instead, you studied his room and the amount of pictures of you was a reality wake up call. Seeing the pictures made you realize why you were here in the first place and the blissful feeling from last night faded and was replaced by a new surge of anger.

Namjoon called out your name and you turned to him with a hard glare.

"Hey, what's wrong? Did I hurt you yesterday?" You didn't say a word before pushing past him and storming into your room. You can hear him following you from behind and trying to get you to stop.

You covered yourself with your blanket and curled into a fetus position.

"What's going on? Why are you acting like this?" Namjoon sat next to you and placed a hand on your shoulders, but you quickly brushed it off. He lets out a frustrated sigh and there was a moment of silent tension between you guys. He has no idea what caused your sudden mood swing, but he can feel your guards going up again and he's slightly panicking.

"I want to go home," you softly uttered. Namjoon froze at your sudden revelation before shaking his head.

"But you are home. You're my home! That's not possible anymore..." You angrily threw the blanket off of you and you rolled out of bed.

"Well, why not?! You brought me here against my will Namjoon! Surely, you can let me go!" Namjoon's hands clenched at your last words before he grabbed you by your arm and shaking you.

"I don't fucking want you to leave me!" He passionately roared out.

You guys ended up in a heated staring contest before you shook him off of you. He followed your movements as you slumped onto the bed in a defeated manner.

"This isn't love," You brokenly voiced out.

Namjoon went down to his knees in front of you and pulled your hair back behind your ear to get a good look at you. You were crying and the guilt in his chest made it hard for him to breathe at the sight.

"Why not?" He sadly whispered.

One of the tears escaped and slid over your chapped lips, letting you taste the salty liquid. You winced at the sting when it touched the wound that Namjoon gave you from a particularly rough kiss last night.

"Because you're hurting me."

Namjoon reeled back from your comment in pain, "You no longer want me?" His eyes well up in tears and you look at him with such sadness that he was scared of what you're going to say next.

"I shouldn't want you," You avoided eye contact with him.

"Then what's the problem? We can be together forever! You want me and I want you." Namjoon grabbed the sides of your face and stood in between your legs.

You didn't reply and after a few moments, Namjoon let your face go and stepped back.

He made his way to the door before saying, "I'll be back in a couple of hours." He shut the door and you knew that he no longer trusted you as he locked it like he did on the first day.

You knocked out from the mental exhaustion but someone was frantically shaking you awake.

"Wake up! We have to leave before he gets back!" The figure was blurry and you rubbed your eyes to clear up your vision.

"Jimin? What are you doing here?" You couldn't even grasp the situation before you were yanked from the bed and dragged towards the door.

" I should have never let him get to you, I am so stupid," Jimin ignored your question.

You planted your feet firmly into the ground to stop him from further dragging you away.

"What in the hell are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere until you answer my questions!"

Jimin ran his fingers through his hair, "Look, I can answer all of them later, but I need you to follow me okay? I'm trying to get you out of here?"

"How did you know where I was?" You were confused, how did Jimin know where you were? To your knowledge, Jimin and Namjoon had no connection to each other whatsoever. But, why did Jimin never show up at your place that night?

Jimin's guilty face answered all the questions that you would have asked and you pulled away from his grasp.

"You...." You pointed a finger at him, trying to will it to stop shaking.

Jimin tried to take a step closer to you, but you took one back.

"Get the hell away from me! I don't even fucking know who you are anymore!"

"I know how bad this looks and I am willing to apologize a thousand times, but I need to get you out of here! Please, just trust me!"

"You think apologizing will fix everything?! How do I not know that you're going to just take me somewhere else?"

"I promise that I'm not going to do anything to you! I just want you safe right now. Namjoon's not stable and I was hoping that I'm not too late." Jimin held out a hand to you and you cautiously look at it.

"You're not the only girl! He had others before. Please believe me, " Jimin pleaded.

"Please.." Just as you went to go grab his hand, a cold voice sounds from the doorway.

"You take that hand and you won't have any left," Namjoon was leaning against the main entrance, blocking the only escape.

Jimin quickly shielded you behind him. "Namjoon, let her go."

Namjoon pretended to fix the invisible wrinkles on his black shirt before pushing himself off the door.

"Why did you have to meddle into my business, Cousin? You never batted an eye before, so why now?"

"Because she's my friend Namjoon!"

"Yet it didn't stop you from letting me know her address or the countless new phone numbers she had huh?" You can feel Jimin's body tense at Namjoon's statement and his hold on you tightened in case you decide to pull away.

Namjoon's slight smile dropped and was replaced by a scowl.

"Get out."

"No," Jimin defied him.

"Get out, before Auntie won't have a son anymore."

Jimin was startled at the threat. Namjoon wouldn't kill him, he can't. They're family. Yet, the tone and his face showed no bluffing on his part. Not only that, but he couldn't leave his mom alone, not when he's the only son and child.

With a heavy heart, Jimin stepped away from you and you tugged on the back of his shirt in attempt to prevent him from moving any further. However, he looked at you and sadly shook his head before prying your hands off of him.

"Jimin-ah," you croaked out.

"No, no. Don't leave me! Please!" You desperately chased after him, but you were held back by Namjoon and as you watch Jimin walk out the door, your spirit completely shattered. You continue to thrashed and kicked in Namjoon's arms as he dragged you towards his bedroom.

He pinned you down in attempt you calm you down.

"Stop it! Stop! Relax!" You couldn't calm down, not in this situation. A stalker and possibly a murderer is on top of you. Who in their right mind could be calm in this state?

Namjoon found your throat and gave it a slight squeeze and that made you stop all motions.

"Are you going to behave now?" His eyes were hooded and his lips were dangerously close to yours.

You glared at him, but you tried to nod as best as you could.

He released his hold on you and you rubbed your neck before meekly asking, "There were others?"

Still on top of you, Namjoon avoided eye contact before nodding.

"Where are they?" You were scared of his answer.

"Dead," his blunt and sharp reply made your heart lurch to your throat.

"Am I..." you trailed off.

He was quick to reassure you, "No, never."

"I don't believe you."

That was the last words you muttered to him that night.

He loomed over you as you slept. Sleep was the last thing on your mind, but your body was in desperate need for some rest.

As you lay there, temporarily relived from the nightmare that you were living, you had no idea of Namjoon watching you with a pillow in his hand. You looked like an angel and he was sure that you would make a better one.

He placed the pillow over your face, effectively constricting your airway. When you struggled and clawed at his hands, drawing blood, he didn't let up. He pressed harder, hoping the process would be faster and you wouldn't be in anymore pain.

He didn't want to do it. He really didn't, but you no longer trusted him. You were different than the other girls but after Jimin's visit, he could tell by your eyes that you no longer loved him.

But he loves you.

As you take your final breath and your hands dropped to the side, lifeless, Namjoon didn't realize he was crying. He touched the wetness on his face before taking off the pillow, revealing your face.

Namjoon lets out a cry as he grabbed you into his arms and sobbed uncontrollably. He brushed your hair with his fingers as he chanted your name, hoping you would come back to him.

Later that night, after he dumped your body in the dense woods on the outskirts of the city, he sat on his bed and stared at your pictures that littered his wall. He moved to take them down and burned them in his fireplace. However, he saved one. The picture was of you at the flower shop, smiling happily at one of the customers.

Namjoon made his way to his desk and pulled out a scrap book. He flipped through the countless pictures of other girls. Some familiar, others, from so long ago that he no longer remembered them.

Eventually, he got to an empty page and carefully placed four glue dots on the corner of your picture before sticking it inside the book. With a red pen, he writes, "No. 14" underneath the picture.

He placed the cap back onto the pen before putting it back into its holder.

He fondly rubbed over your picture a few times before he closed it, placing it back inside the desk.

"Mom!" You ran across the vast and dense field of carnations towards her. Her arms were already stretched open, ready to capture you.

"Sweetheart!" You jumped into her arms and nuzzled into her neck, breathing in the familiar scent of melon and strawberries.

Finally, you let her go and she studied her daughter from top to bottom. She wiped your tears before tearfully asking, "You've suffered a lot right, my daughter?"

"It was hard, Mom. So hard," you breathlessly whispered.

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