shed your leaves, blossom — chapter IX
Pimpernel
Where things are tough and blurry, where the waters are deep and black, but Jeongguk keeps swimming, keeps reaching for the surface, because he has to get better.
Because it's not just him anymore.
“I also need you to know that I’m… I don’t— it’s not that I forget you. I lose touch with uh… reality, sometimes. Time gets weird, I get lost in it, but I, uh… I think about you all the time.”
21.4k words
to read on ao3
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New K-Pop Tumblr User & Writer
Hi~ I'm tokkibbang but you can call me tokki or bun! I've been a fanfic writer (in general) for about 9-10 years now.
I usually post my stuff in wattpad but I often read fics from tumblr and ao3 too. Now I just want to try posting my stories here in tumblr too. I know there's a lot of good people out here where I can reach out for help too :) I'll probably mostly write and post bts, txt, and stray kids fics at the moment because I'm most comfortable with it, but I can try writing for other groups too :)
I'll post some of my stuff soon, but for now I wanted to say hi and maybe make new friends here!! If you read through everything, thank you so much!! I hope we can talk and have fun here!
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Open Books (43) | Kim Namjoon
An unpredicted switch of journals brings two strangers close. Strangers with similarly perturbing experiences, and beautifully healing souls. Abused, bullied, and traumatized, they help each other, and those around them break away from similar experiences, heal and grow gracefully. With thoughtful emotions, and ever growing minds, Y/n and Namjoon are delicate heroes.
They understand the best in each other, and the worst, like open books.
Tags/Warnings :- Child abuse, domestic violence, traumatized characters, bullying, self harm, mentions of toxic relationships, angst. I know it's dark but trust me it gets better! namjoonXreader, Namjoon and Y/n, A slow burn romance, fluff, strangers to friends, strangers to lovers, self love, healing, etc.
Cross posted on Wattpad
Written by Author G
Word Count :- 900 words
Additional Warnings:- OMFG THEY KISS Y'ALL!!
Masterlist Previously Next
~Peaceful Fireworks & Conscious Chaos~
"Just a few more steps" Namjoon whispers so as to not surprise the clumsy girl into losing her balance as his hands cover the warmth of her eyes, guiding her up the stairs carefully, although Y/n doesn't seem to trust him to be careful enough because she voices out an empty threat.
"I swear to god Namjoon if I fall, I'm gonna-"
Before she can complete her sentence, Namjoon withdraws his hand, revealing to her the usual clock tower they spend their time in.
The view, however, is absolutely breathtaking. So breathtaking, that she has to gasp in order to breathe, the crisp air making her throat itch slightly, but, she couldn't care less about it.
Y/n has been here many a time before, but, she's never felt like the view was enough to knock the breath out of her.
The same can't be said this time.
Maybe it's because of the lovely platter of food, because, come on, we all know how lovely food is! Maybe it's because of the warm glow of the candles laid out on the small wooden table that sits on a small, pastel colored checked mat right next to the off white lilies which serve to be a beautiful contrast to the rest of the flowery plants that climb their way around the pillars of the small verandah.
Or maybe, it's because of how sweet and happy Namjoon looks as he stands with a huge smile, the cute dimples that she simply adores peeking out as if to say hi, the hum of the trees swaying along to the wind serving as the perfect background music.
"Surprise!" Namjoon laughs as he walks towards her, taking her hands in his as he gently pushes her to sit down on the mat whilst she is still lost in the haze of, well, like Namjoon said, surprise.
"It's all so beautiful Joon. What's all of this for?" she responds, her voice not allowing her to speak in anything more than a whisper.
"For you, Ms. Oxford" He jokes, to which she snorts, complaining about how lame that was, laughing along with him nevertheless.
"First Bo-ra, and now you? I can't take anymore of these surprises. My heart! It's too delicate" She exaggerates, to which she herself cringes, immediately apologizing with a laugh.
"So, you excited?" he asks, sitting down right next to her once she asks him to, tugging on his hand in the process.
"Yeah! I am! With you guys signing the contract for the band soon, and with the seminar ahead, I feel like things are finally headed towards someplace good."
The loud ticking of their hearts sounds like that of a clock in an awfully quiet room, not a single soul moving as they hold their breath, neither of them knowing what they should do.
"Yeah, me too.." Namjoon replies as time seems to stop when he stares into her eyes, fully aware of their close proximity, and yet, neither of them can move away.
They don't want to.
All they know, is that they don't want this moment to get ruined.
It feels like millions of years have passed by before one of them makes a move.
Namjoon places a hand on her face gently before speaking in nothing more than a hushed whisper, as if even the slightest rash move might break, and ruin the fragile moment.
"May I?"
If Y/n wasn't paying complete attention to the moment, to him, she wouldn't have heard him.
"Yes"
The moment his lips meet hers, the time that seemed to stop, restarts, like as though it was this moment that the very universe waited for when it decided to halt something as essential as time.
It is nothing like she imagined it would be. There were no fireworks or sparks flying around in the air, there was no cheery chaos in the back of her mind. No. In fact, her mind was devoid of anything close to disbelief or surprise. She is swept away in the moment, fully conscious of it. Fully conscious, and consequently, at peace.
Namjoon, on the other hand, is enthralled by the cheery chaos in his head. The imaginary fireworks in the air spark a rush of adrenaline in him as he lets himself get swept away in the moment, moving at complete instinct, not at all conscious of what's happening as his mind is in a joyful haze.
Once they pull away, they can't do anything but become lost in the sparkle that buzzes dimly in the other's eyes, the tints of red that paint their smiling faces nothing in comparision to how much their minds are blushing.
The silence that follows after this, as usual, isn't awkward at all, because, while Y/n is preoccupied with the peaceful consciousness of her mind, Namjoon is busy with the cheery chaos and fireworks.
This is them, through and through, peaceful fireworks, conscious chaos and all.
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does anyone in this world personally know the wonderful writer behind “Wrong” by now deleted blog hoseokiehopie.. they’ve deleted their ao3 too 😭 i’m in a really bad spot right now in my life, and there’s nothing more than i wish right now than to read that fic.. or just kindly and lovingly contact the original writer 😭
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𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐧𝐚. 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤. ♡
𝑺𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑨𝒏𝒏𝒂'𝒔 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒖𝒑 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒃𝒂𝒅. 𝑬𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝑱𝒐𝒋𝒐. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒆, 𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒙𝒊𝒄 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍, 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑱𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒌𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆? 𝑸𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚.
Pairing: OC X Barista!Jungkook
Contains: humor, mutual pining, fluff, cuddles, vine references, hurt and comfort, sexual tension.
Warnings: swear words, angst, dark themes, anorexia, mentions of self-harm, starvation, binge eating.
Word count: 30k+ (don’t ask)
A/N: I spent almost a year working on this, during which time I went on and off from writing. It’s finally here and my excitement is through the roof. Special thanks to @keopitae for sharing her thoughts on the fic and for her continuous support. Eli out.
____________________________
"My name is Jojo and I suffer from an eating disorder."
The words echo across the small bathroom walls, crashing against the mirror I so passionately detested. Punching the mirror as hard as I can, blossoming cracks scatter in every direction. The pain in my right knuckle screams, blood already oozing out of the peeled skin.
Fucking cringe. What was all this for? Was there a camera up my ass for acting all dramatic and shit?
"Good job, Jojo, you just ruined another one." I sigh and let the running water wash the blood off my hand. This was the third time this month and honestly, I think I deserved a slap across the face for the amount of money I was spending on fucking mirrors.
Heh.
That made it sound like mirror prostitution.
I grab a bandage from the stack I kept on the drawers and wrap it around my injury. Talking to your reflection first thing in the morning wasn't exactly the best way to start off the day, but it had been a mere attempt at self-therapy. Well, since I can't go to a real one, anyway. Too bad it didn't work.
I sigh one more time for good measure and pull a hoodie over my head.
Ah yes, a hoodie. The ultimate piece of clothing.
Feeling cold? Wear a hoodie. Your bra is cutting your blood circulation and you can't keep it on anymore? Wear a hoodie. You feel self-conscious of your body and try to hide every curve and shape? Hoodie is your best friend.
I put on a pair of sweats to complete the look because let's be real; everyone loves a baggy outfit. Not even sparing a glance at the mirror anymore, I unplug the charger from my phone's ass and sit down for a second to scroll through some memes.
Yup.
That's exactly what a person does after losing their job.But come on, I mean who fires someone just because they went to take a piss? Yes, it took fifteen minutes and yes, I was in the middle of working, but my dude, I drink three bottles of water a day. I need to let it out somewhere.
I take a deep breath as if to clear the disarrayed thoughts in my head. As much as I tried to make it sound funny, it wouldn't work because, at the end of the month, the rent wouldn't pay itself. Living on your own had its pros and cons and up till now, if I was completely honest, I had only seen the bad side of it.
Supporting my hands on the sofa, I try to stand on my feet but almost flop back down. Every time I get up, black spots dance across my vision. I can even see whole galaxies and not in the pretty sense of the word. One time I think I witnessed the glory of the Milky Way itself.
The pills that are strewn across the floor remind me of the impulsive decision I'd decided to make last night so I collect them one by one and put them back in the bottle.
Maybe some other time, I think to myself. Another day.
I'm perfectly fine, after all. I did lose my job yesterday and now I'm hanging on a thread for dear life but it's fine. I can make this work. A small green apple on the counter is the only promise of a so-called decent breakfast.
"Well hello there, little guy," I say before sinking my teeth into the juicy flesh of the innocent fruit.The apple doesn't respond.I take my phone out of my pocket and tap on the Notes app.
52 calories are way too fucking much for an apple, I think to myself as I aggressively type the number down.This was about the only positive side of this disease. I was more educated on the nutritional values of food than a real dietitian.
This was how it all had started in the first place — from wanting to make healthier choices to cutting on particular groups of food. Just a slight change. Nothing too alarming. But then, I had to know what I was eating, right? So I start counting.
And that's how it all went to shit.
After I finish eating the apple and throw its core into the almost empty trash can, I wash it down with a tall glass of water. At last, my animalistic hunger was sedated and I could finally move on with my life. Indeed.
I grab my keys and shut the door behind me, wanting to go out for a while, maybe clear my head a little bit. It's not like I had to feed my kids or anything. There was nothing holding me back. So, I exit the apartment building, my keys clinking in my right pocket, and I hop on my beloved bike, parked right on the corner of the street. Did I have any idea where I was going? No. Was that going to stop me from strolling around like I didn't have a pile of shit waiting to be dealt with? Hell no.
I start pedaling like crazy from the moment I put some distance between my apartment and the main street. Maybe it was because I needed to let off some steam, maybe the amount of calories I would burn excited me. Either way, that doesn't justify the high pitched scream coming from a girl that I almost run over.
I skid to a stop, the hands on the brakes stopping me from a fatal mistake. The girl's face has gone pale and one of her hands is clutching at her chest, terrified.I notice the way her flawless make-up matches her porcelain foundation, the fitted jeans hugging her slim legs like a second skin, and I feel sick.Sick for the fact that I'd almost killed this girl and all I could think about was how skinnier than me she actually was.
"Watch where you're going, fatass!"
Scratch that.
The Regina George flashback turns it all around.This bitch was going down.
I throw the bike aside in the middle of heavy traffic and shoot daggers from my eyes at her ridiculously perfect form. Any shred of remorse I'd felt up till now dissipates like a wisp of smoke on the wind."The fuck did you just say?"
She flinches from the humorless tone of my voice and I can see from the way her eyes widen that she's starting to regret her poor choice of words.
"I–"
Before I can blink, she's out of my sight, scurrying away like a frightened little mouse and I can't help but huff an incredulous laugh right there in the middle of the street. A car honks loudly behind my back and I don't hesitate to flip the guy off, the hint of a smile still lingering on my lips.
I wasn't taking any shits from people today.
So I hop on the bike once more and round a corner in search of a place to cool down a little bit. My eyes roam over the long line of stores and shops decorating both sides of the road in a flourished aesthetic and pause on the frame of a particular coffee shop, the strong flavorful smell inviting to my senses. I don't have to think twice before leaving my bike on the sidewalk and entering the shop with curious steps, scanning the interiors in a quick once-over. I sit by the window since it faces the street and make myself comfortable enough to attract a few pair of judging eyes.
A woman seated on a table close-by looks at me disapprovingly, staring at my clothes for a little longer than needed. She was probably wondering why was a tomboy wannabe man-spreading with an arm thrown across the chair like she owned the place.
Look, ma'am. It's the twenty-first century. No one gives a shit about girl mannerisms anymore.
"Didn't anyone tell you staring is rude?" I say, not bothering to make myself look somewhat presentable. She looks appalled by the bluntness of my words, probably not used to being called out so straight-forwardly but it seemed to have worked as she just turns her head on the other side, pretending to not have heard anything.
That's what I thought.
I fish my phone out of my pocket and scroll down mindlessly. A distraction more than anything. But I don't even get the luxury of having a moment's peace when a pair of black stomper shoes slow down to a stop down my line of vision. I raise my eyes deliberately, following the two long legs protruding from them that connect with a bulky chest till I finally reach the top.
A boy.
No, a man.
Well, a mix of both.
His well-built figure screams "I've never skipped a day at the gym", the veiny muscles tight against the black shirt he's wearing. A swirling black tattoo makes an appearance on the side of his neck, disappearing inside the collar of his shirt, peeking again at his biceps and then snaking its way down his arm. There are multiple piercings on both of his ears, the silvery dangling pieces curtained by a mass of black messy hair reaching past his cheekbones and falling in front of his eyes carelessly.
Those eyes...
His whole physique resembled that of a fully grown man but his eyes were the ones who gave him away. Big and round and boyish.
I wasn't sure why I had spent more than a minute ogling at a stranger coming up to my table. Maybe it was the dark, mysterious aura radiating off of him or the way he was looking at me expectantly. Still, this motherfucker was too handsome for his own good. And he still stays right in front of me, unmoving, waiting for something.
"Are you lost, child?" I ask, looking at him dead in the eye.
He scoffs, clearly offended. "Child?"
"Your fly's down." I deadpan.
Unfortunately for him, his eyes slightly dip down to the front of his pants.
"Ha! I made you look!" I proclaim, a spark of amusement making the corners of my lips upturn.
He, on the other hand, doesn't look so happy, his curled up fists shaking by his sides, trying to keep himself in control."Can I take your order?" he grits the polite words through his teeth, even though he looks like he's about to strangle me from any second now.
"You're the waiter? Where's your uniform?"
"I don't have it with me." The boy's expression has turned angry, irritated even by the consistency of my questions.I decide to take it down a notch or two for the sake of the bulging vein on his throat, threatening to pop off. "Kay, chill. I was just asking."I lean closer and put my elbow on the table. " Soo...You come here often?"
It's his turn to deadpan. "I work here."
"Whoops. Silly me, I forgot."
"Are you gonna order or not?" He can't help the slight raise of his voice, more than enough proof that his patience was wearing thin.
Uh oh. Hoe's mad.
I throw a leg across my knee in the most arrogant way possible and lean back on the chair. "Aren't you gonna write it down somewhere?" I ask, raising one eyebrow.
"I can remember it." he simply answers.
Fine then, pretty boy. Let's see how you remember this.
"I'll have a quad long shot grande in a venti cup, half calf, double cupped, no sleeve, salted caramel mocha latte with two pumps of vanilla."
Oh, I've definitely made him mad now.
With a look of pure hatred on his face, he clenches his jaws together and stomps off in the opposite direction with God knows how much memory of the order in his head but before he can go further, I shout for him to stop. I was starting to feel bad for the boy with the long hair flying behind him dramatically. Not to mention, there was no way in hell I'd let that much sugar enter my body.
"Wait!"
He pauses and slowly turns around."I changed my mind. Just a cup of dark coffee will do. No sugar."
Surprisingly, a subtle smirk creeps its way on his lips, throwing a whole new light to his features. "Aren't you gonna tell me to make sure it's darker than your soul?"
Hmph. The little puppy can bite back, after all.
"Nah, that's overused," I say. His eyes scan me from head to toe and then he pivots on his heel, disappearing behind the multiple tools of the counter, probably communicating the order to someone else. It doesn't take long for him to come back once again, his long elegant hand gently picking up the cup of coffee from the tray and putting it on the table.
In that fleeting moment I can make out a messy layout of tattoos; a smiley emoji on his middle finger, four small crosses in the spaces between and a bunch of other symbols I don't recognize. All that, gracefully completed by a gorgeous black flower and a bunch of other patterns wrapped around his forearm.
How contrasting it was, the way his appearance clashed with his personality. Did I actually know him? I think so.The guy was obviously kind enough not to spill the thing all over my clothes in an act of rebellion and I had to say it was an admirable thing to do considering how far I was pushing his limits. I am almost ready to hold out the olive branch to him.
Almost.
"I thought I said no sugar," I say, noticing the small white pack by the side of the cup."I guessed you would probably change your mind again." he teases, but the displeasure is still quite evident on his face.
Interesting.
"Next time, just make sure to do what I say." I retort, very much aware that I was prolonging the situation more than needed, but I just couldn't help it. I was really enjoying the reactions I got from him every time I pushed his buttons.
He's practically fuming with anger but still doesn't fall prey to my relentless attacks, instead choosing to walk away like a civilian.
Pity. I wish he'd stayed a little longer.
The coffee is absolutely disgusting. Its bitter aftertaste almost makes me gag.
This is what happens when you refuse to add sugar to any kind of drink, Jojo. It basically tastes like shit.
I forcefully down the last gulps and rise from my table, leaving a tip for the emo kid even though I'm running low on money. He deserved it after putting up with my bullshit for that long.
The woman staring at me earlier goes wide-eyed when I lift two fingers to the side of my brow, offering her a salute before making my way out of the coffee shop.
I don't eat lunch that day. Not even dinner. I just stare at the black screen of the turned-off TV, sipping water from my mug like it's the most flavorful thing in the universe and not having the energy to even cry myself to sleep anymore. I do that every night. Cry and cry and cry like there's no tomorrow. It feels relieving somehow— like I've let something off my chest, even though momentarily.
I grab my phone and type down the stupid number anyway.
2 calories. I write 2 calories for a fucking cup of coffee like it's gonna make a shit ton of difference.
Fucking ridiculous.
I want to sink deeper into this misery, let it consume me whole till there's nothing left, but like a beacon of light, the image of that boy's face emerges into the surface.
"That guy was cute." I voice the words that have been on my mind all day before falling into a deep dreamless sleep.
~ JUNGKOOK ~
There she was. That girl again.
In all my three years of working here, I'd never encountered someone so rude, shameless and utterly irritating. She's sitting on the same spot from yesterday, looking out the window and throwing casual glances at her phone. She also has the same baggy hoodie and sweats, probably too lazy to even bother change into something else.
However, what attracts my attention is the bandage wrapped around her hand, a pink hue visible where her knuckles should be. I'd noticed it the first day too, wondering where in the world would she get that kind of wound. She did seem like the type of girl who would get into fights actually, judging from her boyish clothes and brash personality but I wasn't sure if–
Whatever.
It was none of my business and I had work to do, anyway. I couldn't be bothered with the antics of a rebellious teenage girl. The glass I'm wiping almost slips out of my hands. Bold of her to call me a child when she couldn't be more than five feet tall. I wondered if her feet even reached the pedals of her bike.
"Hey Jungkook, you got a customer." Kwan's voice shakes me out of my thoughtful state as he flicks his chin towards the girl.
"Can't you get this one for me?" I grimace."Why? Are you afraid she's gonna bite?"
"Seems like it."
His eyes narrow into slits as he glares at me suspiciously.
"Come on man, just do what I say for once," I insist, not really wanting to deal with her shit for a second time. Kwan raises his palms up in surrender and goes to take the girl's order, but not without mumbling a "kids these days" on his way out.
The girl looks up from her phone upon Kwan's arrival but then her eyes quickly roam around as if searching for something. They exchange a few words too quietly for me to hear amid the general bustle of the shop, and then my coworker is by my side before I can blink.
"Nothing to be scared of, Jeon. She just asked for a green tea," Kwan says and grabs a number of items from the counter.
"So, she didn't say anything rude?"
"Nope."
"Not even an insult?"
Kwan tsks with his tongue.
Hmph.
Maybe she just hadn't been in the mood yesterday because there's definitely something different about the way she's just sitting there–
Barbecue sauce on her ti—
A snort accidentally escapes from my lips and I lower my head further to hide the embarrassment of the uninvited thought.
"Something funny?" Kwan asks, looking up from the tea he was brewing. I click my tongue just as he'd done.
It takes about a minute or so until the order's ready and I note the way the girl's face contorts with each sip of her tea as if someone had actually put a gun to her head to drink that horrendous beverage. She still drains the cup to its dregs, though.
Gets up.
Sways a little.
The hand wrapped in bandages holds onto the table for support and she finally pushes herself up to her feet. A little light-headed, if you ask me.
That confident image I'd created of her yesterday, crumbles into pieces when I observe the vulnerable state she's currently in. I wasn't sure why I was paying much attention to a complete stranger who I would probably never meet again, but I just couldn't stop myself. It was like being pulled into a black hole and finding yourself secretly enjoying it even though your gut tells you that it's wrong.
It was weird but true.I'd experienced it before.
The brief moment of realization had been enough to make me get lost in my thoughts so I snap my eyes back to the girl's table only to notice that the seat was empty.
She'd left.
~JOJO ~
Discipline. I need to practice discip–
Fuck. Is that a hamburger?
The delicious treat from the glass showcase of a fast-food restaurant winks at me and my mouth waters just by looking at it. When was the last time I ate anything decent? I rack my brains out, calculating the number of calories I'd consumed for the last two days and the only results are an apple, a cup of black coffee, green tea and maybe a tank of water.
Wait!
I did lick that spoon of peanut butter this morning, so in total, 144 calories. Might as well call it a fast for all I care.
My breath quickens with every push of the pedal, thighs burning with the strain. It's been almost three hours since I left the coffee shop and I'm pretty sure the tires of my bike must be deflated from going through every damn corner of the city.
Why would I do that? Because I'm a stupid ass bitch who likes to push herself to her limits and who doesn't know what rest means.
I know I'm going too far. I know it won't be long before all of this comes crashing down on me, sending my progress back to the starting point, but I can't seem to stop. Not when the ecstasy is so overwhelming, filling me up with a fake sense of achievement. This was probably the reason why this disorder was addicting. It made you feel like you had the reins in your hands, not it.
Not her.
Oh, Ana. How much I wanna fucking kill you right now.
It was all her fault, after all.
No. It wasn't her fault. It was the people's fault.They were the ones that said things. Things that hurt me. And their words didn't affect me directly but they fed my insecurities.
It was confusing, actually.They said I was fat. I tried and built some muscle by working out.They said I looked too manly with my muscles now. It didn't suit me.I dropped ten pounds starving myself.
What did they want?
What was the right body?
I didn't know anymore.There would always be something not right, not good enough.
I grip the handlebar tighter when the flood of old memories engulfs me without warning, making its appearance like an uninvited guest. I'm not even sure how it all started in the first place because believe it or not, I was the biggest body-positivity enthusiast.
And then suddenly I wasn't.
And then I find out that there's a whole community out there with people just like me but so radical, so different from anything I'd ever seen before. At first, I was outraged, disgusted even, by the naive statements of young girls saying they wanted the thinnest body possible, fantasizing about skin and bones, but as time went by and as I delved deeper and deeper into the swirling vortex of these intoxicating thoughts, I started succumbing to them. They suddenly seemed appealing.
I let out a sigh between heavy breaths.
Did it matter now? Besides, that guy didn't even show up today. Maybe it's his day off or something.
The brilliant rays of the afternoon sun make the glass panes of the cars passing by gleam like a swarm of fireflies.It would've looked pretty if it weren't for the way it made me shield my eyes. I was already having a hard time trying to keep them open as my strength started to run out, the view in front of me doing half–circles and then turning back to its optimal position. My legs feel like lead and I stop pedaling altogether, letting my bike guide me instead.
Tired.
So, so...tired.
A familiar face swims into my line of vision. It's the emo kid.
And he's....falling?
The handlebar spirals out of my control and my knee hits hard concrete. That face is the last thing I see before a black cloak of darkness swallows me whole
~JUNGKOOK~
Never in a million years would I have thought I'd have to carry a random person to the nearest hospital on my way home. Yet here I am, sitting on a chair for the past hour, staring at the girl's chest rise and fall with slow, rhythmic breaths.
There are fresh bandages wrapped around her scraped knee and multiple bruises all over her body. I'd seen the slightest look of surprise cross her face before her eyes rolled up in her head and she fell off the bike, hitting her head in the process. It had been a chaotic situation, that one. People had kept gathering around, trying to sneak a peek at the accident but still not doing anything to actually help. So I'd taken things to my own hands, done my duty as a normal person would.
Then why are you still here, Jungkook? my logic reasons with me. The doctor said she would be fine so why are you still sitting over here, waiting for her to wake up?
That's right. I should be going.I lean my palms on my knees but before I can fully rise from the chair, the girl's eyes crack open. She takes a look around the room, analyzing her surroundings, and then her eyes stop on my face.
"Who the fuck are you?" she croaks.
Here we go again... I internally sigh."We met at the coffee shop. Or don't you remember?" I answer, praying for her life not to get my anger rise so fast.
"Right," she says, even though something tells me she had known exactly who I was in the first place. "The fuck are you doing here?"
"I saved your life."
"Why bother?"
"You should be grateful, you know."
"Did I ever ask for your fucking help?"
I had to admit I was slightly taken aback. The girl swore and cursed worse than a sailor. As if on cue, a jumble of profanities spill from her lips as she struggles to sit up, suddenly finding herself tangled in tubes and needles trickling colorless liquid into her veins.
"Get this shit off of me, " she says and rips the said piece from the inside of her forearm.
"You should keep that for a little longer." I protest, hands already reaching for the needle laying on the sheets but she flinches from my touch and throws a leg across the bed, attempting to get up.
"Sit down!" I say a little harsher than I intended but it was impossible not to.
Unbelievable.
Her nonchalance and irresponsible behavior made me want to punch her in the face, regardless of her being a girl. At last, she has the dignity to actually do what she's told. "Someone's cranky, " she mumbles as she leans back on the pillow.
This girl must have a split personality disorder because only two seconds later her legs are crossed comfortably despite the nasty injury on her knee and she's leaning forward with her cheek on her palm, staring intently at me with a curious smile hanging on her lips.
"You never told me your name, " she says.
"You never asked, " I reply.
She scowls. "Stop trying to play the smartass with me, child and just tell me your fucking name."
"It's Jungkook."
Her eyebrows lift in surprise.
"I know, it rolls off your tongue, doesn't it?" I tease.
"Actually, it sounds like a chicken dying, but okay."
My lips twitch in amusement, trying to suppress the silly smile demanding to make an appearance.
"To be honest, I'm kinda disappointed, " she continues. "I was expecting something more special, like Sebastian or Gabriel or something." She scratches her chin while her eyes still stay rooted on my face. "You know what, imma call you Juan. Yeah, Juan's better. Got that Latino vibe to it."
Her never-ending shenanigans were pure torture so I decide to turn the tables for a change. "And what is your name?" I ask.
For once, she doesn't try to make fun of me. "Jojo."
Cute.
"It fits you."
Her eyebrows scrunch themselves together as she carefully observes me. "Hmmm....Anyway–" She crawls to the side of the bed and grimaces when her left foot leans on the floor. "Thanks for spending your precious time with me, Juan but now I gotta blast."
"Miss, I'm gonna have to ask you to sit down, please," another voice is heard and the doctor I'd talked to earlier steps into the room. He stares the girl, Jojo I remind myself, down but she doesn't relent, staring right back with the same intensity.
"I'm perfectly fine—"
"Your blood sugar levels are at their lowest point, that wound on your knee needs to be changed continuously or else you'll get an infection and you might have a concussion from the way you hit your head. I'm surprised you're still even talking."
There's a slight tremor in her pupils, which I 'm pretty sure is caused by the panicked state she's trying to hide. She plasters a smile on her face. "Come on now, Doc. I'm sure you can let me off this one time. The fact that I'm still talking proves I'm better, right?"
"Miss—"
"I'll accompany her, " I blurt without thinking and both of them snap their heads in my direction. No turning back now. "I'll make sure she gets home safely," I assure him.
"I don't need your—" Jojo starts, but her words falter when she meets the doctor's glare. "I mean... sure, why not?"
The doctor seems satisfied enough as he turns on his heel without a moment's hesitation. However, he hasn't even made it past the threshold when he pauses, turns halfway around and looks at her dead in the eye. "And by the way, miss. You should eat something. Your heart's gonna fail at this rate."
I could have sworn I saw something flash behind her eyes but she doesn't show it, choosing to keep that sad smile on her face like an anchor linking her to sanity.
"Son of a bitch." I hear her mumble under her breath.
~JOJO~
Son of a bitch I repeat in my head over and over again till the words start to sound foreign to my ears, suddenly losing their meaning.
That damn doctor just had to point out the fact that I hadn't eaten anything for the last couple of days. He was right, of course, but that didn't stop me from mentally sending a series of curses his way.
I have never felt so shitty in my life. Both physically and mentally. My head feels like it's going to split in half, the stinging of the wound on my knee is crying like a bitch and there's not an ounce of strength left in me.
Powerless.
And if that wasn't enough, Juan's endless questions only add to my misery.
"For the last time, no, I don't live with my parents," I say for what felt like the gazillionth time, still refusing the hand he kept offering my way. I might be on the verge of collapsing but under no circumstances was I to let myself be held like a damsel in distress.
Nuh-uh.That's a line you can't cross, mister.
"That sounds kinda hard to believe," Juan says and sticks his rejected hand back in his pocket, probably to get rid of the awkwardness.
"Bitch, I don't need your approval to say something. If you don't want to believe me, fine. Suit yourself. "
His shiny black hair glints in the darkness, catching the beams of moonlight as he flicks it away from his face. "How can I be a bitch? I'm a male." he retorts.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Man whore." I reply, putting a clear emphasis on the last syllable.
He scowls, seeming genuinely offended by my words, especially when he says " Swearing is rude, you know."
"You know what else is rude? Asking people too many questions."
"But can you blame me, though? I mean you pretty much look like a high-schooler who ran away from home."
I stop dead in my tracks. "You have a strong sense of guessing."
He blinks. "Wait. You're really a high-schooler who ran away from home?"
I resume my walking, using the concrete wall on the side of the road for support. "For your information, I did finish high-school so suck on that."
"But you still ran away from home, right?" he insists.
"Oh for fuck's sake— yes, I did run away from home. Are you happy now?"
The blank look on his face, combined with the slight shrug of his shoulders almost causes me to snort. "Cool, " he says, unbothered."Aren't you gonna ask why I did it?"
"Not interested, " he states and looks straight ahead, completely ignoring my presence."Liar. I can see that you're one of those assholes who are dead-curious about everything."
"Am not!" he whirls on me.
I scrunch my nose and sniff the air around me like a wild dog hunting on its prey. "You smell that?" I ask him.
"What?"
"Smells like bullshit to me."
Even in the darkness, I can see the dramatic roll of his eyes, causing their whites to stand out. He had pretty big eyes, this guy. They softened that edgy aura he gave off, all muscles, tattoos, and black clothes. And the fact that he tolerated my irritating behavior, which I was deeply aware of, made him look even more appealing to my eyes.
"Why did you volunteer to take me home, Juan?" I quietly ask, glancing at him through the corner of my vision.
He seems to mull the question over in his head for a moment, eyes staring his shoes down. "I don't know. You seemed like you needed some help." He throws a look at me. "Which by the way, is still valid. You look like hell."
For some reason, that makes me retract my hands from the wall and I try to keep myself stable on my own two feet, limping heavily on the process.
"What exactly happened with your bike?" he continues, unaware of my recent action.
"I was busy stalking hot guys all day, so my bike got tired. Guess she just couldn't handle it anymore."
The boy doesn't seem to fall for any of my lies, narrowing his eyes till their nothing but slits. "Do you tend to not eat when you stalk hot guys?"
This little shit...
"Nah, it's just that I'm so fucking forgetful." I immediately reply. "I forget to eat all the time.
"He doesn't relent, still boring holes into my eyes.
"Hey, what's with all the questions, anyway? I thought you said you were not interested?" I repeat his own words.
"Right, " he admits.
My apartment building comes into view, the looming structure now as familiar as the back of my hand. "We're here, " I announce. My eyebrows raise in wonder as his legs keep heading for the entrance of the building instead of pausing.
"Where are you going?" I ask.
"To your apartment, obviously."
"What the fuck makes you think you can come to my apartment, boy?" I did not want him to see anything personal of mine, yet for some strange reason, I found myself hoping he would stick around a little longer. A little controversial, considering the fact that my words proved otherwise, but I couldn't just say that to him, could I? Like, hey, kid you're nice. Let's have a little chat before you go.
Ridiculous.
"I'll just escort you to the door, " he assures.
"No need for that."
"But what if you fall down the stairs?" he insists.
"You got me there." I punch in the code at the main entrance and hurry up the stairs as much as my limp would let me, Jungkook's eyes never leaving me for a second. After what felt like an eternity, I grunt heavily and lean on the doorstep of my humble apartment. "Okay, you've done your service, soldier. You're free to go now."
Jungkook throws a quick glance at my mustard-colored door, probably weirded out by it but then his eyes flick to my empty hands. "Where's your keys?" he wonders.
My mouth gapes open and my eyes go the size of tennis balls as I frantically pat my pockets. When I notice the way Jungkook's lips part slightly, I burst into hysterical laughter, jiggling the retrieved keys in front of his face. "You should've seen your face!" I laugh. "Hilarious."
He exhales, relieved. "I thought you'd lost them."
"Nah, Juan. I forget a lot of things but not my keys. Besides, these bitches stick up my ass like fucking glue."
The door's lock clicks with a flick of my wrist but I resist the usual temptation of kicking it wide open, in fear of letting emo-kid sneak a peek. It's not like I was embarrassed of the mess in my apartment or anything like that but it felt weirdly intimate to let someone else get a glimpse of my domestic life. In fact, I hadn't invited anyone over since...
Yes, it had been that long.
Jungkook notices my reluctance and clears his throat. "So...um...you're all good now, so I better leave. You should–you should take care of your wound."
How weird to see an overgrown, muscular dude stutter and not know what to do with his hands. I usually didn't have the tendency of stereotyping but this definitely struck me as odd.
I smirk. "Getting shy, Juan?"
He almost flinches at my words. " What? No!"
"Are you waiting for a thanks then?"
A stray hair falls in front of his eyes but he doesn't move it away from his face. "That's not something you ask from people."
I bite my tongue and try not to let the pain on my leg get to me as I squeeze into the room through a thin sliver of space. Still, his words bring a smile to my face and as much as I try to suppress it, it just keeps floating on the surface again. "I'm not an asshole, Juan. So thanks."
"Actually, you refused to say thanks from the start—"
"Okay, now you ruined it," I interrupt. "Get outta here."
He slowly starts to back off and his lips stretch into a barely contained smile. "Good night, Jojo." And then just like that, he's climbing down the stairs with his long legs taking two or three steps at a time.
I shut the door and lean on it for a moment, sighing deeply through my nose.
"Little shit, " I whisper.
Rise and shine.
That's exactly what my alarm tune doesn't say. Even after so much time hearing it pierce my ears every single morning with its shrill screech, I can never stop myself from wanting to smash the damn thing into pieces. However, that's the only thing that can actually get my ass up from the bed. All the other gentle-sounding melodies had proven to be absolute failures, dragging me even further into the sweet crevices of sleep.
The numerous late arrivals to work had made me suffer more shouts and scoldings than I could remember from my boss. The guy was a total dick. Good thing I don't work there anymore.
My room is still coated in patches of darkness here and there, the bright rays of the morning sun nowhere to be seen. It is about 5:30, an unholy time to wake up, but since I was now unemployed, I had made an oath to force myself every day into going for a run outside.
There was no overwhelming hustle and bustle, no moving crowds of people. The city had yet to rise from its slumber and the only activity on sight included slow, quiet movements of passers-by.
I finally kick the blanket off and swing my legs over the bed. The cold surface of the floor awakens my senses as I prepare to go over the usual ritual: Stretch, pee, step on the scale.
The number has slightly changed from yesterday but not to the point where I want it to. A wave of disappointment washes over me. It happens every day yet I can never get used to it.
I decide to go easy on the breakfast. A cold glass of water, an apple, and a boiled egg.
I probably should've thought about putting some pants on first, I say to myself as a crumb of egg yolk smears my bare thigh. I use the pad of my finger to wipe it off and cringe intensely. These thick bitches turned three sizes wider when sitting down and it only spurred on my body dysmorphia.
Disgusting.
Not forgetting about my daily dose of green tea, I hurry up before the sun rises and put some sports clothes on, which wasn't really that hard since they were the only thing in my closet. I shut the door behind me but it feels like something is nagging the back of my mind, demanding my attention.
Did I forget anything?
I rack my brains out in search of a clue but nothing makes it into the surface.
This stupid obsession...
Making sure my shoelaces are tightly secured and my earphones plugged in, I climb down the stairs and burst out of the entrance of the building. I welcome the sharp sting of fresh air that fills my lungs with a deep breath and waste no time to sprint into a run, the loud music already blasting my ears in full force.The wound on my knee does not approve of this but I don't give two shits. It can cry like a bitch for all I care.
It's easy at first, obviously. Your body is rested and unspent so you relish those twenty minutes with pure adrenaline flowing through your veins. But then, the run takes its toll on you. It's unavoidable.
The sky switches from dark blue to a pastel pink, announcing the official start of the day and reminding me of my tiresome condition. I'm panting like an asthmatic by now and my clothes stick uncomfortably with sweat so I slow into a light jog. The sting on my knee grows stronger and stronger til I can barely stand it. The clean sidewalk grows hard under my feet and it's all I can do not to faint from exhaustion. Running tires you out? Try running with not enough food in your system.
I scan my surroundings in an attempt to distract myself from the fatigue. A few trees lining up the street, a grey car hurrying to God knows where, hair—
Wait, what?
I redirect my eyes to the spot I was staring at and notice a mop of dark hair swinging wildly. The body they belong to is in fast-motion, arms shifting from side to side as the legs make long, speeding strides.
No fucking way. I guess it's not such a bad day after all.
I smirk as I gain speed, now heading straight towards the boy with newfound strength. As I maneuver from side to side with a few random strangers, I can't help but stare at the way his sweatpants hug every curve of his butt. He had a nice butt, this guy. I'm kinda jealous. And as if that wasn't enough, the material of his loose T-shirt turns darker from the collar down to his back, marking a trail of sweat. He'd ran just as hard from what I could see.
The music in my earphones dies out as I quickly catch up to him and slip by his side, matching his constant rhythm. He doesn't notice at first, but after the numerous glances I throw from the corner of my eye, he finally flinches and stops abruptly. "Jojo?"
His hair is completely drenched in sweat. The dark strands form wet tendrils on his forehead and numerous trails that drip from his temples and down to his chin. He almost rips his earbuds off and I have to say I feel slightly endeared. As a person who preferred not to be disturbed while listening to music, I could appreciate the fact that he removed them in the blink of an eye. If a person does that, he respects you. Simple as that.
He gives me a look of mild curiosity, which for a surprise makes him look ten times hotter. I also slow down to a stop as a smile tugs at the edges of my lips. "Oh, hey Juan! Didn't see you there."
He looks behind his back for good measure and turns to stare at me. "Are you stalking me?"
I scoff in feigned annoyance. "What the fuck? Am I not allowed to go for a run now? Do you own these streets or something?"
"No, but—"
"Hey, hey, " I quickly interrupt him. "Less chatting, more running."
I will my feet to start moving again and he immediately catches up. "So...how are you feeling?"
"Tired, " I reply.
"I meant from last night."
Well that's a surprise. I didn't think he would remember it, let alone be worried about my condition. "Oh. I'm fine. It's nothing, really, " I wave a dismissive hand.
He stares at me for a moment too long before turning his head straight. "That's good."
After that, neither me nor him try to elaborate on the topic. For some moments, the only thing heard is our combined panting and heavy breathing and it doesn't do much to tame my wild brain from going places. I push the dirty thoughts aside for later reference and give my head a slight tilt to peek at him."Tell me more about yourself, Juan."
"What do you wanna know?" he asks without looking.
"Everything."
He laughs delightedly. "Ok but you're gonna have to ask me questions, though. I don't know where to start."
"Perfect. Where do you live?"
His neck does a ninety-degree turn with such a lightning speed that I'm scared he broke a bone or two. "I knew you were stalking me!" he exclaims as if he had made a scientific discovery.
I smack my lips impatiently. "Just answer the damn question!"
"Two blocks from here."
"That means the coffee shop is close to your house, right?"
"I live in an apartment, " he adds and gives a curt nod before his attention is back to me. "Okay, my turn now. Did you ever go to college?"
Not this shit again. If I hadn't been attracted to his ridiculously good looks, he would be rubbing at a sore spot in between his eyeballs. "Goodness, child. You really are stubborn."
"Hey, it's only fair if you keep asking me questions, " he protests and instead of angering me, the harmless expression turns my insides into jelly. I was finding it hard to keep up with the constant appearances of his duality. It was weird. I barely knew this guy and I still told him things so strictly personal that I'd never thought I'd say out loud.
" I dropped out of college after the first year. Couldn't afford it."
And just like that, the jolly, playful countenance disappears to be replaced by a darker one. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
"I dropped too, " he continues. " Guess studies weren't exactly my thing."
"Oh wow. We have so much in common."
A pause.
"Where's your family?"
I was starting to think this kid was more interested in my personal life than me as a person. "Back home."
He doesn't say anything, waiting for me to explain further and unfortunately, I fall prey to his puppy eyes staring at me intently. An uncomfortable ball of imaginary yarn settles at the base of my throat. I try to gulp it down while fighting to keep the slight tremble in my voice from showing. " They...did some things to me. Bad things. I'm never going back."
He notices my discomfort, bless his soul, and decides to drop it. "My parents live far from here and I don't visit them as much. So yeah, that sucks."
His poor attempt at sympathizing with me makes my lips crack into a subtle grin. "Are all parents bad or are we just awful teenagers?"
"Both, I guess, " he chuckles.
Just when I assume the twenty-one question game has finally come to an end, he proves me wrong for the bazillionth time. "Is there anyone you hang out, at least?"
"You, " I answer.
His eyes widen twice their original size and I laugh through my nose. "Just kidding. I have a friend called Anna. Such a nice, caring and sweet girl." My lips twitch on the side to impersonate a somber smile but I had the feeling it looked like I was having a nervous tick. "She's to die for."
Time is cruel to us, swallowing up each patch of daylight until the sky has turned into the purest baby blue and let the rays of sunlight fall astray into our poor backs. The heat and the exhaustion makes us slow our pace. Then, suddenly a sharp pain stabs me across my knee and I wince discreetly.
"Do you go to work?" Juan asks, oblivious to my current torture.
"No, I quit, " I say, refusing to admit that the reason for that hadn't really been my choice. "Why'd you ask?"
"Well, it's just that—" He abruptly stops and his eyes shift their attention to my legs, staring hard at them.
"What?"
"You're bleeding, " he states, matter of factly.
I snap my head down and take note of the way my knee is soaked in a dark red stain, slowly webbing its tendrils along the fabric."Aw shit, " I curse under my breath.
"You need to go to the hospital, " Jungkook quickly intervenes before a long string of profanities can spill over my lips.
"No. No more hospitals. I'll just go home and put some fresh bandages on it."
"Okay, well let me come with you."
I take a step back and shake my head from side to side. "For the last time, I don't need your help, Juan. Here are my key—" I frantically fish my pockets but they're completely empty, save for that stupid paper towel that I had somehow forgotten there. "Fuck no! Fuck no!"
Juan's brow bunches up in distress as his judging eyes give me a hard stare. "You already made that joke once."
"I'm not joking around, you idiot!" I snap, probably a bit too harsh but the panic seems to have gotten under my skin for me to care at this point. "I forgot my keys!"
So, that's what kept nagging me in the morning. I mentally slap myself for being such a careless mess and vow to not make the same mistake again.
"Let's go to the hospital, " Juan calmly repeats, seemingly unaffected by my sudden burst of anger. I wonder if he was hiding his hurt on the inside. If that was true, I'd have to give him a round of applause because he was sure doing a hell of a good job.
"No."
"Do you want to bleed to death?" This time he can't help the hint of anger from seeping into his voice.
I say nothing.
"If you don't want to go to the hospital then come with me back at my place. I have some bandages too."
"Absolutely not!" I protest, outraged. If this kept going on, we would end up at each other's throats.
"Look, it's either that or the hospital. You pick."
Shit. He had me cornered. Well, what was I to say? I liked hanging out with him but I also didn't want him to see me in such a vulnerable state and make me feel indebted to him. It had already happened once and I hadn't liked it not even one bit.
"I can't just come at your place, " I say with a lilt of playfulness in my voice. My figure was already frayed at the edges and he was quick to catch sight of it. "What if you're a murdering psychopath in disguise?"
He smiles in earnest, as if I'd just told him he was the nicest guy on the planet. "Then you can always stab me with a kitchen knife."
This was wrong. This was so wrong. I couldn't just go to his house, dammit. I was letting my guard down way too much. No way I was doing this.
"Fine, " I finally surrender and wish I'd bitten my tongue in time before the word made it past my lips.
~ JUNGKOOK ~
By the time we get to my apartment, the sun has already reached its highest peak in the horizon and the powerfully bright rays start to make me feel a bit wobbly.
I had offered Jojo to at least hold on to me but she seemed hellbent on making it by herself. I could see how much the wound was hurting her, yet she refused to let any emotion whatsoever show on her face.
I open the door unceremoniously and pause to let her in first. She carefully shuffles her steps with a heavy limp weighing her down but I could see that she was still having second thoughts on whether to enter a complete stranger's apartment or not. As soon as she passes the threshold, I release a sigh I didn't realize I'd been holding.
Her head starts turning from side to side, scanning the interiors of the living room. I suddenly feel self-conscious. Is the place messy? Did I forget to put my socks on the laundry basket? I was worried she would shy away and leave altogether.
"Nice place you got here, " Jojo says with a whistle.
I unconsciously smile but it fades away the moment she plops down onto the couch, ignoring the still-fresh wound on her knee. She even has the audacity to swing her leg over the edge and let it dangle there. So much for shying away.
"I'll go get the bandages, " I announce and retreat into the bathroom, keeping an eye on her from the way back. She gives me a salute before going back to studying the walls with curious eyes.
I hurry up and lock myself up in the bathroom and immediately, the sight of my disheveled look greets me in the mirror. My hair is wild, some strands clinging with sweat onto my temples and some flailing in the air like unmowed grass. My skin glistens with a fine sheen of wetness that makes me itch with discomfort and there's a pink blush settled on my nose and cheekbones. Did I really look like this all morning?
I let the water of the faucet run under my hands and give my face a quick splash. Why am I so nervous, dammit? It's just a girl. I really need to get a hold of myself. The image of her face reminds me of the reason I came here in the first place. I hurriedly grab the bandages from the counter along with some alcohol, cotton pads and a towel.
I take a deep breath and return to the living room with a forced air of nonchalance. "I got the—" I announce but the words falter when I see the empty couch. Where the hell did she go?
"You have very good-looking parents. No wonder where you got the genes, " her voice is heard from the other side of the room and I see her standing by one of the shelves, examining the tiny picture of my mom and dad, smiling at each other while my older brother cuddles my dog's white fur.
"Uh..thanks, " I manage as I scratch my neck.
At this, she turns around and finally looks at me. "Nothing to be shy about, Juan. You're handsome. You don't need glasses to see that."
"I—"
"Alright, are you gonna give me those or not?" she questions with a sly smile, pointing her chin towards the items in my hands and I internally curse from the distraction. Oh, she really did enjoy toying around with me.
I prevent myself from stuttering another word and slowly approach her. She grabs the things from my hands and sits on the couch yet again. Her condition was no better than mine. A single drop of sweat slides from the side of her cheek and travels down her neck in an excruciating slow motion. Her complexion had turned ruddy and her hair stuck to her edges with perspiration. How she had managed to run so hard in that state was beyond me.
I silently hand her the towel first. "Dab your neck with this before you catch a cold."
She looks at me with a slight tilt of her head but accepts it nonetheless, mumbling a "dab on them haters" under her breath.
"What about you?" she asks aloud. "You're literally dripping." As if summoned, another drop of sweat free-falls from my chin and onto the floor.
"It's okay. I'll be fine, " I quickly reply.
"Well aren't you a tough cookie?" she giggles. "Get it? Tough? Kookie? Jungkookie?"
I almost snort. And as if that wasn't enough, the nickname she used made this weird sensation creep onto my stomach.
After she's done drying her skin, she crouches down to take a look at the wound that still kept trickling blood. Her careful fingers roll the dirtied bandage around her knee to reveal such a nasty sight, I almost gasp in surprise. The blood had smeared the skin around the edges and on its center there's a blackish liquid that looks like anything but blood.
"Oh shit, " she whispers, obviously not expecting the wound to be in such a degree. I move forward with worry in my trembling form but she's quick to stop me."No, it's okay. I got it."
"But it looks really ba-"
"Thanks Juan, but I said I can handle it."
I silently get back and let her do the work herself. She seemed so used to this process, as if she had done it countless of times before. Her hands are quick and agile, snatching the alcohol and cotton pads and then proceeding to wrap brand new bandages around her knee. Not a single hiss or whine falls from her lips. After she successfully finishes, she lifts her head to gift me a charming innocent smile. As if she hadn't just split her knee open. This girl...
After that, the room falls into an awkward silence so I keep looking everywhere else but her. "Do you want something to drink?" I offer.
"Once a waiter, always a waiter, " she sighs while scratching her forehead.
"Okay, what do you have?"
"Let me check," I announce and head to the fridge without another word. I examine the contents within and yell from across the room. "Um... coke?"
"I don't do drugs, " she yells back.
"As in the drink, Jojo."
"Oh. What kind?"
"The regular one."
"No diet coke?"
"No. Sorry."
"Okay, just get me a glass of water."
I come back with the glass and hesitate a split second before handing it to her.
"I really like your place, Juan," she says after a tiny sip. "Its so....you."
A discouraged laugh escapes from me. "You don't even know me."
"Says who? I'm excellent at knowing people's personalities on first sight, " she continues after another sip.
"What about you then?" I suddenly ask.
"My place or my personality?"
"Both."
She considers it a moment before answering. "Well, both suck compared to you. Especially my apartment, Juan. You wouldn't believe the fucking mess I make all the time."
She sounded nonchalant about the matter but I could sense the discomfort behind the words. She was having it harder than she let on.
"What are you gonna do from now on?" I ask, careful not to sound intrusive. "You lost your job right? How are you gonna pay your rent?
She plasters a smile on her face. "I'll figure something out."
Before I can push it further with my vast myriad of questions, she rises from the couch and sets the glass on the table. " Well, I better go now. Thanks for the help, Juan. I'll see you around."
I watch with frozen limbs as she makes her way towards the door with that tilt on her step and wonder if I really was crazy after the next words I hear coming out of my mouth.
"Wait!"
She slowly turns around and gives me a curious look.
"I have a proposal, " I say before I can regret it.
She grins in response. "Thanks but I'm too young to get married."
"No, not that. I was wondering... I mean if you want to...." I've never felt more nervous in my life. My words keep stumbling into one another and I can barely keep the the inexplicable stutter out of my voice. "You can—you can work at the coffee shop with me. I can convince my boss to get you the job."
She smiles and pivots on her heel. " Yeah, right."
"Hey, I'm serious."
"Forget it, " she says without turning around.
"Why forget it? Aren't you struggling?"
For a moment it seems like I've caught her attention. She pauses in her steps and slowly turns around until she's completely facing me. There are no more hints of smiles or amusement. Just a blank expression that for some reason looks sadder than anything else. "I don't want your pity."
"Its not pity, " I protest. "We've been short of staff anyway and you need a job. It's a win-win for both of us."
She takes a deep breath and lets it out just as harshly. "Why are you doing this, Juan? The hospital and the bandages and everything... Why are you helping me?"
"I like helping people, " I simply reply.
"Some people don't like to be helped."
"Well, if you think that, you're an idiot!" I snap as a pinch of anger sneaks into my voice.
She raises an eyebrow.
"Look, " I continue. "I don't know if I've done something wrong or if you just don't like people in general. I was just trying to help. If you don't want it, the door's right there."
Okay, now I really fucked up. I'd never been so straight-forward to someone before but it was like her sharp jabs had forced the harsh words right out of my mouth. Sometimes, the frustration overwhelmed me to the point I couldn't tell right from wrong.
She's frozen in her spot, wide eyes staring at me in a mix of shock and wonder. But then, her eyes slowly drag along my body, giving me a once-over before setting on my face. Her lips crack into a lopsided grin that was anything but innocent. "I like you, Juan, " she says and heads for the door before pausing on the threshold. "And I'll think about your offer."
The door closes shut behind her and just like that, she's gone.
~ JOJO ~
There's no way I'm doing this, I say to myself as I take a hot shower. No fucking way, I repeat as I get dressed and tighten my shoelaces. I felt like a mere sheep heading to meet the butcher's axe. But the sheep was making this choice herself. She was willing.
I was afraid the boy had put a spell on me. I'd never been so weak-hearted and obedient to someone's requests. Here I was, going to that cursed coffee shop even after all the fights with Anna last night. She kept persuading me to stay inside, lock myself up in my room and not talk to anyone for the next week or so. She'd never been the social type, the bitch.
Most people said it was like a voice in your head urging you to do whatever it wanted, but that was not the case at all. If the concept of Ana was that unrealistic it wouldn't be so hard to label it as just another link into the shackles of mental disturbances but the thing was, there was that doubt that made you hesitate on whether these were actually your thoughts that made you behave this way or something actually real and tangible. The feeling of something not claiming its existence but still lingering like a shadow on your every step.Is it me or her?Who said that?
I shake my head violently to clear my thoughts as I find myself in front of the shop's entrance.The floor seems to wobble beneath my feet and I doubted whether it was just because of the fact that my stomach had crumpled in itself like a sheet of paper.
I clear my throat loudly to capture the attention of the man hunched on the counter.He slowly lifts his head as an automatic smile appears on his face. “Yes?"
I steady my posture. "I'm looking for someone named Jungkook. He works here."
His eyebrows almost touch his hairline but he's quick to recollect himself. "Oh, sure. He's in the back fixing some stuff. I'll go get him for you."
He disappears behind a door and comes back two seconds later with the reason of my sleepless nights by his side.
"You're here!" Jungkook exclaims, a little too loud for my liking. He seemed slightly surprised, as if he hadn't thought I would actually come. Couldn't blame the guy. There were times when traces of bipolarism would make it hard for people to understand what I actually meant.
Jungkook's open-lipped smile is almost contagious. He tramples his way forward and stops just an inch further, towering over me.The all-black outfit was present even today but this time an apron adorns his slim waist.
"I am, " I simply add.
"Oh, I almost forgot. This is Kwan, " he says as he gestures toward the smiley man. "We've been working together since I can remember."
I flick my eyes to the latter and nod a salute at him. "You should've called this place 'Juan and Kwan'. Quite catchy, if you ask me."
The man named Kwan chuckles. "She's funny. Where did you find her, Jungkook?"
"Oh, I'm the one who found him, " I intervene. "Besides, we've met before. I'm the green tea girl."
His eyes slightly widen with a sense of realization as he nods along.
Ironically enough, my stomach whines so loudly to the point where even Jungkook hears it. He points a finger at it. "You really need to shut that thing up."
I look down to my stomach and talk to it as if it were a real person. "Hey thing, shut up. Juan doesn't like the way you sound."
"Did you even eat anything on the way here? There are some cupcakes if you want, " Jungkook insists with the tone of a concerned mother.
"I'm not hungry, Juan. Must be uhh... my seven month-old baby."
Jungkook shakes his head in surrender and asks for me to follow him behind the same room he came from. My nervousness raises tenfold as a bunch of unpleasant thoughts immediately rush into my brain. If I didn't get this job, I could say goodbye to normalcy. I would fall down the hole dug by my own hands and never come back out. All the hard work of these past months out in the trash.
"Don't worry, " Jungkook reassures. "You'll do great."
~ JUNGKOOK ~
She was bursting with joy. It was like her face had been washed in the late afternoon sunlight, illuminating its every corner. She wasn't ridiculously beautiful or anything like that but there was something so captivating about watching that smile brighten up her features like a glorious sunrise, I could barely keep myself from staring.
However, one thing I learned about her was that she really knew how to celebrate. Her hands are struggling to hold all the groceries she'd gotten at the supermarket. Well...if you could call them groceries. All I could see were tons of candies and deserts and all sorts of sugary stuff able to furnish a dozen sweet-toothed five year-olds.
But the thing that baffled me the most is that she'd invited me at her place to thank me for the new job. I thought after all the fights she'd put up to keep me far and away she wouldn't give in so easily. Guess I'd been wrong.
"I thought you said you weren't hungry. " I watch her chew on a chocolate-covered donut that gave me diabetes just by looking at it.
"If there's one thing you need to know about me, Juan, is that I change my mind way too often, " she mumbles in between mouthfuls.
"Yeah I can see that, " I add.
"Hey, shut up now, will you? We need to celebrate!"
"By eating trash?"
"They say you are what you eat, " she replies.
I angrily grab the grocery bags from her hands and let her lead the way to her apartment. "Don't call yourself that. "
The jokes she constantly jabbed could be hilarious to someone else but they just did not sit well with me. I only found them as extremely self-deprecating and dark. It was the go-to type of thing for the depressed and people were so used to normalizing them, it was hard to point it out from time to time.
Her mouth pauses chewing as she gives me a hard but harmless stare. "Fuck, don't do that to me."
"Do what?"
The deep sigh she lets out through her nose tickles my eyelashes. She stops in front of the door and leans her back on it. "You keep being nice even when I annoy you."
"You don't annoy me, " I say quietly.
"Yes I do. I annoy everyone." Another sigh. "You know, Juan, all my life I've been treated like a joke. Yeah, I joke around a lot so I'll get joked at. Understandable. But like, no one has treated me the way you do before. You listen to what I have to say and give me honest answers and most importantly, you are serious when you need to be."
"Isn't that how everyone is supposed to be?"
"No. If I told someone I'm feeling sad they'll laugh at my face 'cause they think I don't have the right to feel anything."
"Well, fuck them, " I snap.
Her jaw almost drops to the floor. "Woah! I've never heard you swear before. That was low-key hot. Do it again."
I scratch the back of my head in discomfort and fumble with the edge of my T-shirt. Out of all the things she could've said..."Um...shit?"
The disappointment washes over her face as she scoffs and shakes her head disapprovingly. "Fucking rookie".
It is quiet for a few moments, save for the slight creak of the yellow door opening wide enough to finally offer me a front seat view of her apartment. I'd been strangely curious about what it would look like, eager to get to know more about where she lived, where she slept, what things the was interested in and no matter the weird turn my thoughts had taken I couldn't help but crave for more.
She lets me pass the threshold and takes the grocery bags from me to put them on the kitchen counter. The place reeked of lemons, their acrid stench filling the air to the point where it made my nose itch. I spot a few loose skins and other remnants by the table.Except for that, everything looked pretty much normal. Plain and bare of excessive decorations but I could see that she'd made efforts into putting her own preferences out in the open, littering the walls and ceiling. She liked minimalism, I could see.
"Did you throw a lemonade party last night?" I ask with the tiniest bit of chuckle tumbling from my mouth.
Her eyes flick to the evidence and I sense something I'd never witnessed so boldly in them before. Panic. "Oh, t-that..." she nervously stutters but it's gone in a blink as she quickly gains her composure. "Just an experiment. I love science."
I hum in agreement and eye the couch on my right. "Can I sit?"
"Yeah, yeah sure. Make yourself at home. But I have to warn you there's nothing on the fridge so you're left with these, " she says, giving the sweet goodies a single heave.
"Oreos, please." I stretch my hand across and a huge grin pulls at the edges of her lips.
We spend the next few minutes sitting in silence, munching cavities away like they were our last meal. It was surprising to say that it did not for a moment feel weird nor awkward. We barely knew each other and yet we seemed like two old pals seeking comfort into each other's presence.
"My place sucks, doesn't it?" she suddenly asks.
"Not really, " I reply. "I think it's pretty."
A confused frown appears on her face as she keeps munching on a chocolate bar. "How come?"
"Well, beauty is subjective, Jojo. What looks pretty in my eyes may not be the same for you."
"Deep words for a teenager, " she mumbles.
"Look who's talking."
"Yeah, yeah..." She waves her hand dismissively but I don't miss the tiny smirk hidden in her cheeks.
The grocery bags start to slowly empty. I was worried she was gonna make herself sick with all the sugar already flowing in her body.
She suddenly gets up and stretches, reaching with the tips of her fingertips up to the ceiling. Her hoodie rides up and I almost gasp in surprise. There are several marks littering the thin stripe of exposed skin, some dark, some purple and some turning yellowish. They made such a stark contrast with the pale white complexion that didn't exactly match the tone of her face. She'd obviously never worn anything too revealing, the sun rays far from tanning the skin. Before I can gawk my eyes out, it's gone in an instant when the hoodie falls back in place.
"This shit's addicting, " she says pointing at the leftovers on the table.
I could only wonder if she really had more problems than she let on. From what I'd gathered, she'd subtly admitted to being a victim of domestic abuse but that was a long time ago, wasn't it? Why were there still fresh scars on her body? As if to add on to my assumption I take notice of her bandaged hand.
"Where's that friend you mentioned?" I ask. "Was it Annie...Ann?"
Her eyes flick back to mine. "You mean Anna? She's always here for some reason. I consider more like family, to be honest. Never leaves my side. Just not today."
There was something fishy about the way Jojo's eyes turned glassy and distant every time she mentioned her friend. It kept rubbing me the wrong way.
I ask her to use the restroom and she shows me the way in a few curt gestures. As soon as I get inside, I am met with my distorted reflection on the mirror. A huge web blossomed into the side. Someone had cracked it, that part was fairly obvious.
What the hell was wrong this girl?
I wash my hands mindlessly and return to the living room. Jojo sits on the couch, man-spreading like a fourty-year old man on his second divorce. She winces once or twice and exhales through her nose. " I think I ate too much, " she whines.
"You think?"
"It's all your fault. You're the one who convinced me to eat, " she accuses.
"Well, I certainly didn't tell you to eat junk." I join her on the couch from a fair distance as she sulks away the nausea.
"What happened to your mirror?" I softly ask.
"I punched it, " she answers without looking.
"Why?"
"There was a fly on it and it kept buzzing while I was taking a shit."
I didn't believe that for a second but I nod my head nonetheless. From that moment on, she only adds to the dark jokes and I pretend to fall for them. All until the moment I require permission to leave with the excuse of having to work again tomorrow.
I can't deny the sick, empty feeling at the pit of my stomach when I watch her follow me with her sad stare as I leave the apartment .
~ JUNGKOOK ~
The days go by smoothly. It took a while for Jojo to get the hand of it, but soon enough, the orders look like mere tools in her hands, bending to her will. Thank goodness, she had the conscience not to lash out at rude customers even though I could see how hard she strained the muscles of her forearms by her sides. She was the first to arrive and the last to leave the coffee shop. All that and she still kept to her strict schedule, running every day at the crack of dawn. Every single day. Even I didn't work out that much.
I had to admit that my interest for her kept increasing more and more with every new detail I noticed. I was intrigued to find out more about her and I strangely found myself being pulled to her presence like a magnet. We'd continued our shared runs and conversations on each other's apartments more often than I remembered but there was still no progress on our status. Well, I once called her my friend and she didn't object to it so that must be a start.
"Well, someone's got a new crush."
I rip my eyes off Jojo's figure and come face to face with Kwan's amused stare. "What?"
"You like her, don't you?" Kwan teases further.
I sigh deeply and put my apron on the counter, ready for my lunch break. "I don't know, honestly, " I admit. "I'm not sure what it is, exactly."
"Listen, I know a crush when I see one and yours definitely is . Why don't you ask her out?"
"It's complicated."
Before Kwan can torture me with his long string of questions, Jojo stomps her way toward us with closed fists. "I swear to God if that bitch asks for a menu one more time..."
"Hey, hey we talked about this, " Kwan interferes. "Deep breaths. In and out."
She does what she's told a couple of turns and then rests her hand on her hip. "Nope. I'm still angry. I have to punch something."
"No violence in our workplace, Jojo."
She pouts in distaste and then suddenly her eyes land on mine. Her hand reaches out and points at my chin. "You got a little something.."
I dip my vision down only to be met with her index and middle finger giving my head a hard flick. She erupts in teasing giggles, soon joined by Kwan's booming laughter.
"Gotcha! Bro, I feel better already, " she says and gives Kwan a manly fist bump. I shake my head in surrender, a coy smile tugging at the corners of my lips and head for the room on the back. I hear the swish of Jojo's apron on the counter as she soon falls into my steps. We had a ten minute break everyday and Jojo was never one to miss it, always deciding to share that precious time with me. She kinda ruined it with the jokes sometimes but I didn't really mind.
She offers me a slice of cucumber trapped on the sharp edge of her knife and I politely decline. She always did that, sharing food left and right even though most of the times it wasn't even that much to begin with.
"Wanna hangout after work?" I suddenly ask. I hadn't planned this at the slightest. It was like the words jumped right out of my throat. Sure, we'd hung out before but only on days off and certainly not on evenings.
She hesitates for a moment before chewing on the cucumbers. "Sure, why not? It's Sunday tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah, " I admit.
"Cool."
I try not to let the excitement show on my face as I finish the last bits of my lunch. The late afternoon takes longer than usual to arrive. By the end of the shift, I'd been itching to get the apron off. Jojo, on the other hand seems unbothered. For her it was probably just another day with the bane of her existence.
She nudges her elbow into my side as we exit the doors together, throwing a glance at the bike by the side of the road. She would ride that thing here everyday even though the memories of the accident were still fresh. "I'll just leave it here tonight, " she says, as if reading my thoughts. "Don't wanna make your sorry ass struggle to keep up with me."
I give her a teasing light push and pull at a string on her hair. "Fuck off."
We go for a series of playful kicks and thrashes that turn milder and milder with every inch we come closer to my apartment. By the point we've reached the door, my poor hair is being twisted like a rope in her cruel hands. She really liked touching my hair. She kept saying she'd braid it or put it in a ponytail at least once before she died. Me on the other hand had scolded her for mentioning death in the first place.
"Ok, but you have to let me style it for you, " she insists, never dropping the issue.
"No, thank you. I like my hair the way it is, " I reply in feigned smugness.
"Asshole, " she mumbles under her breath.
"What?"
"I said Casserole. I'm craving some."
My eye creases soften on their own. "I can make it for you if you want."
"You know how?"
"No, but I can look it up online."
At that, a shy smile brushes her features.
"Nah, it's alright. I think about all sorts of food all the time. I'd probably change my mind after five minutes."
She plops down on the couch comfortably and groans when the bones of her back click to let her unwind. The way she'd grown more and more comfortable around me gave me this weird sense of satisfaction, as if I'd been seeking for that validation from the start. In fact, our whole situation was weird. I enjoyed her company and hopefully the feeling was mutual but there was still something missing. I didn't know exactly what but I certainly knew that deep down she was hiding a whole different personality.
My apartment had become so familiar to her, she doesn't hesitate to let me know without much further ado that she'd be using the restroom. But just before fully rising, she types something down on her phone with the utmost concentration. The only reason why it attracted my attention was the excessive amount of times she'd done that for today. And yesterday. And days before that. It would take one bite of her food and she'd immediately reach for her phone.
Did she use a calorie tracker?
I curse myself enough to damn my soul to hell for the rest of eternity but it still doesn't stop my hand from shakily grasping the phone lying on the couch. I draw the pattern I'd memorized from watching her unlock it all those times and just like that, the Notes app lights back into life. My eyes widen with every single line I read.
Day 35
I fucked up today.
I had three donuts for breakfast and pizza for dinner. The cravings are fucking horrible.
Total : 1560 cals
I scroll down to some days back.
Day 34
I wouldn't say it's bad. I went for a run and had an apple afterwards. Take that Anna, you whiny bitch!
Total: 78 cals
There's a visible pattern in the notes; wins, losses,relapses. My eyes scan the screen speedily, fleeting through each letter and word.
Guess what? I fucked up again—
I hate myself—
I did not eat anything today! Nothing, I tell you! Haven't felt this empty since—
I so wanna die right now—
Please make it stop—
Day 71
No comment
Day 72
No comment
No comment
No comment
No comment—
"That's my phone, you know."
I raise my head to level my blown-out pupils with her calm ones. Unperturbed. Smooth like waves in a gentle breeze. She doesn't look angry to witness my shameless snooping, just disappointed. She knows that I know. It all makes sense now. The scars, the small meals, the excessive workouts...I feel a pang in my chest for being such a fool all this time.
I muster whatever courage left within me and rasp out the words. "Who exactly is Anna?"
~ JOJO ~
"She's a bitch."
"An imaginary bitch, " Jungkook emphasizes.
"Doesn't make her less of a bitch, " I mumble.
He has been giving me a cold yet sympathizing stare for the last five minutes but I knew that deep inside he was bashing himself for not knowing.
"It's short for Anorexia, " I clarify.
"How long has this been going on?" Jungkook continues. He didn't seem like giving up on the detective role anytime soon. Little did I know that he would fully embrace the title.
"Three years."
His head drops in his hands. He gives his pretty face a hard rub before turning it back towards me, eyes now laced with something similar to compassion.
"Why aren't you looking at me like that?" I ask him.
"Like what?"
"Like I'm some sort of freak."
"You're not a freak, " he grits between his teeth.
"But that's what everyone would say if I told them. I know they'll look at me differently."
"I'm not everyone."
He was right. He wasn't everyone. That's why I kept dropping hints on him with every chance I could get. I wanted him to know but then again I didn't want him to know. It was hard to explain.
Jungkook keeps his piercing stare on me, hoping to get a reaction. Then he pats the spot next to him on the couch as a few strands of hair fall into his eyes. It made him look so adorable, I decided right there and then I would do whatever he said. Just asking would be enough.
"What's it like?" he asks as soon as I make myself comfortable.
"My disorder?"
He nods.
I think for a few moments before answering. How was I supposed to to explain it? It had been by my side for such a long time, I didn't know how to tell my disease and myself apart.
"Well, to begin with, I'm fat."
Come on. Say it. Come on.
His eyebrows scrunch in disbelief. "No, you're not."
There you go.
"You look pretty normal to me, " he continues.
"Normal is just another word for "you're fat but I don't wanna say it in your face, " I spit and it only makes him look more confused. "Oh, come on. I bet the first thing that came to your mind when you thought about anorexia was a skinny pale girl looking at a mirror. See? I knew it. In people's eyes anorexia and non-skinny people do not correlate."
Jungkook looks embarrassed to say the least. I know he's trying his best to find a gentle way around me but the deep crimson of his cheeks doesn't make it any easier for him. "I—"
"Look, Juan. I don't wanna overwhelm you with my bullshit. I'm sick in the head, okay? The things I do are not cool and I don't want you to be part of it."
"I thought we were friends..." he whispers in a low voice.
"We are but—"
"Just explain it to me, please. I'll help you get rid of it."
He really had no idea. His gullible self couldn't understand that this was not just a disorder. It was a lifestyle and the only way I knew how to survive. I release a sigh of defeat and try to muster the most joyful tone. "Fine. You wanna know what it's like? I'll tell you what it's like. Every day, I get up from that bed with the sole purpose of starving. I don't want to eat. It's that simple. Now you're probably thinking: ' why the fuck aren't you dead yet?' That's because I can't starve correctly, Juan. I can't do shit."
Jungkook keeps his unwavering stare directed towards my face and hands that passionately make weird gestures from time to time. I notice something sparking within me, a small flare of anger and pent up frustration finally getting some release. Saying the words out loud was unnerving. I'd never imagined them anywhere but on the interiors of my head.
"Numbers are important. I can't tell the difference even if I lost some weight. That's why I use the scale everyday."
"What do you usually eat?" Jungkook carefully asks.
"Anything that has low calories in it. But it doesn't last long and I'll immediately eat junk food three times the amount. Starve. Binge. Starve. Binge. It's a vicious cycle."
"Why don't you try a healthy diet?"
I let out a humorless laugh. "Wow, you're richer than I thought."
He blinks. "What? Why?"
"Healthy diets are expensive, dumbass. Ever wondered how rich people have those avocado diets and that type of shit? But that's just an excuse. The real reason is that I lack will."
"If you lacked will, you'd be dead by now."
"That's where I'm heading."
His head falls in his hands again and those pretty smooth lips mumble under his fingers. "You're not satisfied with your body?"
"Not satisfied is an understatement. I hate my body. It's hard to explain actually. I don't want to be sick to the point where I can't even stand but I don't want to be curvy either , you know what I mean? Its like I want a thin body but then I see a muscular one and I'm like ooh I want that one too and I don't know..."
Jungkook's eyes seem to sparkle on that. "So, you want a lean muscular body?
"Yes."
"That's not so hard to achieve."
I put up my best fake surprised-expression. "No shit, sherlock. Why didn't you just say so? You would've saved me from a lot of trouble."
"Fuck you, " he grumbles.
"I'm already fucked for life my man."
His deep sigh tickles my face. "You're impossible. How can you joke about this?"
"Then what am I supposed to do? Cry about it? Trust me, I've tried that a lot of times. It won't do shit. If I laugh about it, it won't be as shitty, " I add. "But jokes aside, it's not just about being thin. Its also about being in control, being aware of your own body. I feel so angry and frustrated every time I lose my streak."
To my surprise, he smirks in such an inappropriate way, it paints his face in a whole new canvas . "Don't worry. There are some situations where control just isn't needed."
I almost choke on my spit. Jungkook, being audacious? Well that was new. "Feeling bold, Juan?" I tease.
"Maybe, " he admits but now it had turned into what seemed like a shy smile. I try to latch onto that glimpse of humor and normalcy in hopes of taming the wild turns and takes of our conversation. But just when I thought I'd taken hold of it, Jungkook jumps into a new question. "What else can you tell me?"
I highly doubted I would be able to spill the contents of my soul in such a short time but if he was so hellbent on knowing more, knowing he would get." I can tell you a lot of things but I can also guarantee they're not pleasant."
He doesn't even blink.
"Fine. You asked for it." I pause. " I've been like this for three years now and it has only gotten worse as time passed. I already know what you've seen online and what you think eating disorders are. Trust me, it's bullshit. Don't believe the shit they give you. Do you know how many overweight people are anorexic? A whole bunch of them but if they tell anyone about it they'll get laughed at 'cause apparently anorexia exist only for skinny white girls. A lot of guys have it too. But they call it cutting back some pounds when they hit the gym. No way that's unhealthy, right? Totally justified. It's all just a big pile of shit. There's nothing cute or romantic about it. You know what's funny? I can go for days without taking a shit but I'll pee every two hours. I drink so much water to the point where it makes me sick. I never get warm. I take every single bite counting numbers in my head and wondering how I'll burn it off later, I spin in circles to make myself sick just so I won't be able to eat, I measure my waist three times a day and I feel like fainting every time I get up. I hurt myself 'cause I don't like what I see."
I feel that familiar ball of imaginary yarn settle to the base of my throat but I push it back down just as fast. Not now. Anytime but now.
Jungkook's eyes glint with sadness. He gulps once before lowering his vision and choosing to stare at the hands resting on his lap. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, " I reply. " It's not your fau—"
His hand shoots out to capture my own. A thousand tiny electric sparkles tingle up my arm. Maybe it's the lack of contact or just the knowledge that it's him but the way his warm palm fits into mine feels so right and I can't move it away for the life of me. His thumb brushes lightly across my knuckles. "I'm not pitying you, okay?" he says in a gentle voice. "I would never pity you. I just don't want to see you like this."
I lift my eyes to his own and stare at him like he was a glass statue, pouring some of his brightness on me. I didn't understand why he hadn't kicked me off yet. And to think that I was enjoying it...
Jungkook observes the slight tremor of my hand in his, which I'm desperately trying to hide and a subtle smile graces his lips.
"You're touch starved, " he murmurs. Not in a malicious way. Not mocking me for it. Just stating things out in the open. It was the quality I liked the most about him.
"Physical contact is a luxury to me," I admit.
"It shouldn't be. You're human."
"I'm not even sure about that anymore."
The smile stretches wider as his nimble fingers intertwine with my trembling ones in a gentle, yet firm grip.
"Is this okay?" he questions, eyes set on the motion.
"No, but carry on."
It all felt like a guilty pleasure, like those sweet candies your mother keeps hiding from you and when you do find them, the taste is but absolute bliss. A forbidden fruit. I knew I shouldn't be leading him anywhere and spoil his peaceful life with my problems but I couldn't make myself pull back either. I was all of a sudden caught up between two fires that would scorch me and themselves in the end. Pushing people away or letting them in the confines of my chaos. I would lose either way.
I put on my best unperturbed mask to make it known I wasn't affected at the very least but just like that, his other hand slides up to my elbow and locks it in place. His deep look burns with something I can't quite decipher. "Can I kiss you?" he suddenly asks.
I freeze for a split second but try to shake it off with an intentional raise of my eyebrow. "Why?"
"I want to, " he breathes.
I was torn between slapping some sense into him and laughing my ass off but I do neither. My posture stays unmoving, waiting. "Do you really want to?" I ask again.
"Yeah, " he confesses and I catch his eyes glancing down to my lips.
I shrug. "Okay."
I've barely gotten the word out when he closes the small distance in a matter of seconds. A hand latches onto my jaw to angle it better and that's where I feel the soft, plushy texture of his lips come into contact with mine. They're so delicate and move so gently, I feel like I've ascended into time and space. I let his bangs tickle my cheekbones because it obscured his eyes from view and I didn't want to witness the reality of it.
Before I can dwell longer on them, he pulls back, forming the smallest of distances. His pupils are blown out, dark eyes staring with something more than just interest. I take notice of my fist bunching up the T-shirt he's wearing. Apparently, I hadn't been able to block out all my reactions. I release the material immediately and rise to my feet. A quick glance at the window showed that it was already dark.
"Good night, " I chirp and grab my phone resting on the table, heading speedily for the door.
Jungkook panicks and stands up just as fast.
"Wait, where are you going?"
"Home," I reply.
His eyebrows bunch up in confusion yet again. "You can't just go like that after I kissed you."
"Watch me."
In less than four strides I've crossed the threshold and shut the door behind me with a thump. People were right when they said you couldn't see yourself blush but you could feel it. My whole face felt like it was on fire, an uncomfortable warmth spreading equally up to the tips of my ears.
Who the fuck even blushes anymore?
I smack my lips in annoyance as I make my way down the stairs in a newfound rush. I cant deny it. I liked the kiss. Maybe a little too much. In fact I wanna go back there and steal the breath out of his lips. But I can't. It was a one time thing. And it will remain that way. Or at least I hoped so.
~ JUNGKOOK ~
Anorexia nervosa, often referred to simply as anorexia, is an eating disorder characterized by low weight, food restriction, fear of gaining weight, and a strong desire to be thin. Many people with anorexia see themselves as overweight even though they are, in fact, underweight.
Sleep is far from reach as I keep scrolling down page after page of the same generic description. Countless of pics of young girls with ribs and bones sticking out of their pale skin had been more than enough to make my own skin crawl, the after-images blazed forever behind my eyelids. She was right— they all said the same thing but I'd always known that no matter what what was said, you couldn't really understand something without experiencing it yourself first hand.
I put my laptop aside and lay down on the warm comfort of my bed. Even though I'd willed my eyes shut, sleep just wouldn't come. She kept busying my head with all kinds of thoughts— thoughts of her disorder, thoughts of what she was doing right now and the memory of her soft lips on mine. I keep replaying that exact moment like a loop, feeding off my imagination like a middle-schooler. She'd acted like she barely gave a shit but there was no mistakening the furious blush that had fallen across her nose and cheeks all the way to the tips of her ears. It looked surprisingly adorable on her, different from any type of reaction I'd gotten in exchange.
I roll over the other side of the bed and smash the back of my head on the pillow. I'm such an asshole. And she's no better either. How can you just leave after someone kisses you?
I leave my mind pondering to these thoughts as my eyelids slowly start to weigh down on me. But just when I'm about to pass out cold, a dark figure intrudes the corner of my eye, causing my body to turn upright.
Jojo's standing by the threshold, dressed up in what looked like loose see-through sleeping clothes. The material fell in graceful waves from the hems and pooled around her ankles. It felt weird not seeing her dressed up in her usual tomboy look but I was enjoying the view
nonetheless. Her hair drapes over her shoulder and hides a part of her face, the rest of it, illuminated by the moonlight seeping from the drawn-back curtains. It looked like she'd just awoken, eyes mussed up with sleep but still focused on my form. She stares deeply at me, as if waiting for something.
All traces of exhaustion now wiped clean, I push myself up on my elbows and return the stare. How had she gotten here this late? Did she know my password?
She saunters over to the bed in such a seductively delicate manner but yet it was so subtle, I doubted whether she did it on purpose or not. Her left knee touches the duvet first, making the bed dip slightly under her weight. Then she leans her palm facing down and proceeds to come closer and closer on all fours like a
predator targeting its prey. I was like a deer caught in the headlights in the most cliché sense of the word. I kept observing her movements with
silent adoration and the more I tried to look away, the harder my eyes seemed to fixate on her approaching form. At some point she's sitting so close to me that I can feel her soft breath fluttering my eyelashes. She slowly tilts her head and gives me a look of mild curiosity, as if puzzled by my existence there altogether.
"Can I touch you?" she softly asks. Her dark orbs bore into mine, waiting for my answer. Such a sheer persuasion is held inside of them that I find myself gulping audibly before nodding without a moment's notice. She comes impossibly closer, almost attaching her body into mine and then raises a hand up to my hair, the small fingers playfully twirling the dark locks. I then notice her own hair falling in curtains in front of her face, slightly obscuring her eyes from view. It makes her look even more mysterious and alluring, I can barely resist the urge to tuck a string back behind her ear.
"Can I do more than just touch you?" she asks again and this time the movement of her hand slows into a halt. The edges of her lips pull slightly in a teasing manner and seem to merge into a coy smile.
My heart starts beating like crazy. I can feel it accelerate into a manic pace as it pulses with an unfaltering heat underneath my fingertips.
I muster whatever air left in my lungs and whisper the words in a breeze. "Whatever you'd like."
That's all the approval she needs. She tilts her head on the side and lets the tip of her nose brush my earlobe. The breath she lets go draws from me an involuntary shudder that washes over my body; from the top of my head and down to my toes.
I fist the sheets to the point where it hurts. I wanted to touch her too, to feel her and to breathe her in. But I don't. I decide to let her be the one in control, to let her know that just a word tumbling from her lips would be enough to give her all of me. All that I had.
She drags those sinful lips along the side of my neck painfully slow and then puts her legs on each side of my hips, straddling them. And then she kisses me. Even though barely a peck, it burns scolding hot and causes my lips to burst into a heap of tingles.
My hands find their way into her waist, digging through the material but she stops me with her own and gives my chest a light push. I try to relax and let my back lower till it finally makes contact with the sheets. She hovers above me, graceful strings of hair tickling my neck as she attacks my lips again with bruising strength.
That's when I feel it. My shirt being lifted.
Her cold fingertips, in stark contrast with my ridiculously hot skin, leave goosebumps in their wake. I try to reach with my hands and help her get it off but she grabs them and puts them back down. "Don't. I'll do it for you."
She resumes her previous action and sweeps my shirt completely off but not before making sure those nimble fingers slide along my skin with an added pressure. I let her. I let her do whatever she wants with me. She can have me.
I pray silently with my eyes for her to kiss me again and surprisingly, she understands. But this time I can't help the small whine coming deep from the back of my throat as she dips her head down and lets her tongue swipe a sensitive stripe on my neck. I'm scared the sheets will rip into shreds from how hard I'm twisting them.
She doesn't stop. Only goes lower and lower with open-mouthed kisses, down my chest, through the ridges of my abs, all the way to my navel. She stops there and the hard muscle of her tongue moves in a way that makes me gasp out loud. I shut my eyes tight.
When I open them again, the pressure on my tummy slowly dissipates. I drag my eyes to my front but there's no one there. Just the open window swaying the curtains and the entirety of my room swallowed by semi-darkness.
She's not here. It was just a dream.
I sit up on my bed and drag a hand to my face, rubbing it hard to pull myself together. What the hell just happened? I hate myself even more for the fact that I wish it wasn't a dream. I let my head fall back with a thump into the pillows and notice the uncomfortable heat at the bottom of my stomach. "Holy shit, " I whisper.
~ JOJO ~
Sometimes even the most colorful butterflies in your stomach cannot stop the tears from falling. Me, like the miserable human being I was, had cried myself to sleep last night instead of hopping cheerfully around my room. Jungkook's shut eyes and the serene expression on his face when he'd put his lips on mine had only made me wallow into self-doubt even more than usual. Did he actually mean it or had it just been a reflex, something to pass the time? I felt as if I didn't deserve any of the things he offered me, regardless of his intentions. But fuck, did I want to have him. Fuck. I'd never met a more perfect person with all of those tiny imperfections that actually made him real and whole.
That perfect smile that puts all of his pearly white teeth on display shines bright even know as he notices me entering the shop but I don't fail to detect the eyes that shy away in embarrassment. How cute.
"Hey, " he tries to hold the grin from spreading across his face as he scratches his neck awkwardly.
"Hey yourself, " I reply with forced nonchalance. It doesn't work. I fall under the scrutiny of his eyes as he can tell something's off.
"Your eyes are red, " he states matter of factly.
"Last time I checked they were brown."
His face falls. "Don't give me that shit."
Wow. That kiss had definitely given him some confidence. As far as I remembered, swearing was something he found hard to do unless absolutely necessary. Was I getting to him already?
Preparing to start the work, I click my tongue and move into an arc around his back. I let the silence fill the empty slots, too tired to come up with some lame excuse when suddenly, the presence of warm fingers greets the skin of my elbow. I look down to see Jungkook's hand on it, eyes brimmed with genuine worry, something I hadn't seen in a long time. "Is everything alright?" he questions and the words alone make the butterflies in my stomach almost turn into pigeons. "You left all of a sudden last night."
The angle on which he bends his neck to level his eyes with mine makes them stand out so adorably, so bright and full of life, I can barely hold a squeal from ripping out of my throat. He was just standing there in all his glory and looking at me like I was the thing he cared about the most. Maybe I was. Did it sound too far-fetched?
I slowly reach up and twirl one of his dark locks on my forefinger, letting it drag to the side of his cheek as I give it a small poke. I hear the breath that hitches on his throat and it only spurs me on even more. "Why? Did you miss me?"
He doesn't back down, eyes boring into mine with an intensity that deserved some recognition. They occasionally flicker down to my lips and I already know what passes through his mind at this moment.
Someone clears their throat.
I immediately put some distance, eyes dragging to the new intruder only to find Kwan staring at us both with a shit-eating grin. He was gonna use this to blackmail us, I was sure about that but I couldn't care less. Not when Jungkook's eyes follow me without failing as I backtrack a few steps.
"He had something in his hair, " I explain with a faint gesture. Kwan's grin grows impossibly larger but he doesn't say anything, deciding instead to grab one of the glasses and wipe it raw, a habit more than out of intention.
I ignore his teasing remarks for the rest of the day and watch Jungkook's prying eyes from the corner of my vision. He'd throw a glance my way with every chance he got and without even being subtle about it. When it's time for our lunch break, his stare becomes so bashful, I can't help but stare back with an offended glare.
"You're doing it again, " he says before I can part my lips.
"Doing what? " I ask.
"Putting a mask on your face. It's funny but it's bullshit."
More swearing. Was it really possible to change someone for the worst with a few words? The last thing I wanted was for him to follow into my steps.
"There's no need to act cool all the time. If you're not okay, you can just say so." His hands fumble with the edges of his lunch box, fingers scraping at it out of nervousness. "You can say it to me, " he adds more softly. " I'll listen."
"Hey, its not that big of a deal, " I wave him off.
"Not that big of a deal?" he mimicks. "You can die."
"So? What's it to you?"
Jungkook sighs deeply. "Jojo—"
"Are you gonna feed me the classic love yourself bullshit?" I interrupt him before he has the
chance to say the words I've heard being trumpeted so
many times. "Cause there's no need for that. I already love myself. I mean, sure I would jump off a cliff if I could but I love living. I love life to death."
I'm pretty sure that so called mask he mentioned was glowing with pride right now. Even though deep down I knew it felt wrong, I still—
"You do this on purpose, don't you?" I turn my eyes to him only to see a smug expression that looked so foreign and uncharacteristic on his face. "I know what you're doing. You act rude and sassy and uncaring to fend people off so they won't get attached to you because you think your presence alone harms them." He leans forward with his elbows on his knees and his face floats mere inches from mine. "Isn't that right?"
When I don't answer back, his hands cup my knees as he leans so impossibly close that I can count all the dark brown flecks in his eyes. "Hate to break it to you but you can try as much as you want. You're not getting rid of me so easily."
His husky voice brings a smile on my face and I still make no move to put his hands away. "Oh, I can get rid of you. I just don't want to."
~ JUNGKOOK ~
"What do you mean you don't want to? I thought you liked hanging around with me?"
"It's late, Juan."
Jojo grabs the handles of her bike and turns it around in a semi-circle but before she can hop on the seat, I give her hoodie a pull and take over. From the moment I start pedaling, she sighs in exasperation. "Dude, come on, give it back."
"I'm not taking no for an answer, " I quickly reply. "I'm making chicken breasts tonight. Low calorie. You have to come over."
Jojo slowly catches up and we move like that for a while; her walking and me on the bike. It felt strangely relieving to have a moment of peace after a long and exhausting workday. I close my eyes and let the sun rays bask on my face with their warm texture. From the silence that follows, I suppose she's left with no other choice but to give in.
"Watcha thinking about?" I hear her ask after a few moments.
I open my eyes and turn my head towards her. "You."
She snorts. "You've stepped up your game, my man. Glad to see some progress."
"I learned from the best."
"Nah, I'm pretty sure you were already popular with the ladies way before you met me."
The soles of my feet touch the concrete and I force the bike into a halt. "What makes you say that?"
"Well, " Jojo grins, "there's a girl behind us staring at your asscheeks–"
I choke on my spit.
"–and I mean like I can't exactly blame her because your ass is really looking pretty puffed up in that seat–"
"Anywaaaays, " I drag the word long enough to make her stop and proceed to flick my chin on the side. "Let me give you a ride."
Jojo's whole face dismorphs as her lips twist into a barely contained smile. It takes me a while to get the dirty reference. "Oh come on, " I yell out of frustration. "A ride. On a bike. Here on the street. Out in the ope–"
"Yeah, yeah. Just scoot over."
I do as I'm told and not a moment longer, Jojo tries to get comfortable on the back seat. However, I had a better idea. "Hey, why don't you pass to the front?"
Jojo peeks over my shoulder. "No. We'll fall if I do that."
"No, we won't, " I insist. "Just trust me. I'll keep you safe."
I don't know if those words struck a cord within her because she looks genuinely caught off guard with those big sparkly eyes staring at me in earnest. That's where I understood.
Words have power.
I could help her turn things around for the better. I could help her get back to normal. I could do all of these things and more if only she would crack the door of her soul open just an inch to let me in.
"Okay, " she finally answers in a tone much softer than usual. I scoot back and let her sit on the bike's supporting rod.
"Ugh, my ass is gonna be bruised like hell by the time we get there, " Jojo whines and squirms in discomfort.
Chuckling, I give the pedals a push and soon fall into a constant rhythm. Unfortunately for Jojo, it is hard to keep the balance so she is forced to hold onto my shirt. She barely touches it though. "Oh God."
"What?"
"Don't tell me this is one of those cliché supposedly romantic moments where the girl almost falls and they look into each other's eyes and shit like that."
I keep my eyes on the road. "I mean, it's not so dramatic to begin with. We're just chilling. And for the record, we did kiss so I don't see how just looking at each other can be such a big deal."
"Can't believe you pulled that card on me."
"You deserved it, " I reply in a smug tone.
After another moment of comfortable silence, Jojo's arms snake around my waist and the side of her head leans back on my chest. It feels like holding a baby, warming my body up with the presence of blood and life flowing underneath the skin.
For fear of scaring her away, I decide not to add any teasing remarks on why she changed her attitude in a matter of seconds, despite how tempting it was. If that loneliness she constantly felt was reduced even by a fraction, my job was done.
"Are you sleepy?" I carefully ask.
Her arms squeeze me even tighter. When she rubs her cheek affectionately on the front of my shirt, I fight the urge to erupt into giggles. "No, " she answers. "Just tired."
It would only take some time. Just a little bit more time and all her exhaustion would ripple away with no traces in her body or mind. This was my job from now on.
~ JOJO ~
It wasn't exactly his job to nurture me like a newborn baby but I couldn't deny the fact that I liked this new attention. I'd always tried not to feed my narcisstic side too much but it was a pleasant surprise to find out that someone other than Ana acknowledged my existence. These are the thoughts spinning round my head as I stare at the tiny bow of Jungkook's apron tied up at the small of his back. Or at least that's what I was supposed to be looking at because for the past fifteen minutes, my eyes had been trying not to drag down on the voluptuous planes of his ass that stuck painfully tight to the black jeans he was wearing. It's like the sucker was doing it on purpose, keeping his back to me the whole time.
"I really can't blame that girl for staring at you earlier, " I wonder out loud after the uncomfortable silence becomes unbearable. "With jeans that tight, you're asking for it, my man."
Upon hearing the words, Jungkook turns around with a spatula on one hand and a look of confusion on his face. "Isn't that what men usually say to women?"
"Exactly. But there are way less chances for a man to be sexually harassed by a woman, now isn't there? So don't come at me with that equality bullshit."
A small, understanding smile creeps up on the side of Jungkook's lips and in contrast to my words, it really seems genuine. "True. But that still doesn't make it okay." He turns back to flipping the chicken breasts on the pan.
I sigh. "Yeah, alright. Sorry for complimenting your ridiculously gorgeous butt—"
A snort.
"— but I won't hesitate to slap that shit if you piss me off, Juan. And I won't do it in a kinky way."
At that, Jungkook fully turns around, places the fresh meal onto the table and hurriedly takes a seat. "You're into that sort of thing?"
"Nah, man. I like being normal."
"Normal? You?" Jungkook cocks an eyebrow, the emphasis on the word clearly intentional. I understood that something like that was to be expected from people but it didn't mean it didn't secretly hurt my feelings. Being always ousted as the weird one took a mental toll on you and if you ever tried to blend in, it would only make you stand out more.
I let out a noise of impatience. "Listen, here Juan. I might be sick as fuck but my life doesn't revolve around my disorder.
I have favorite hobbies and colors and that kind of shit."
"Is it black?" Jungkook jumps in, suddenly curious.
"Navy blue, but that's not the point."
"I know it isn't." He sighs wistfully. "Sorry, Jojo. The only reason I said that is because every five seconds you try to assert your dominance so I assumed your preferences on that particular side were a bit...freakish." His expression is halfway between apologetic and entertained and he seems torn between the two.
Curse my dumbass brain for ever acting on impulse.
I scratch the back of my head in discomfort and avert his eyes. "Okay. Okay, I get it. I jumped too fast to conclusions–" I lean my elbow on the table, "–but that's because I'm very athletic."
Jungkook deadpans.
After another uncomfortable silence settles in and after Jungkook realizes he's not getting another word from me, he absentmindedly taps the table with his fingertips. " By the way, same for me, " he mumbles.
"Huh? " I logically reply.
"I have the same preferences as you." He raises his head and looks at me dead in the eye. "Normal."
At this point, I had no idea why we'd decided to reveal our sexual preferences for absolutely no reason but it had come to that. Crazy, right? Me and emo-boy pouring our hearts out to each other...
"So, " Jungkook interrupts my train of thought as he starts chewing on the fresh chicken pieces. "You seem like a competitive person."
"I guess you could say that, " I hum in agreement.
"Well, I have another proposal."
"Like I said, it's too early for me to get married."
The expression he makes as he tries to keep the food from spilling almost causes me to burst out laughing. Even after he's successfully managed to breathe in some air, the faint traces of a phantom smile are still visible.
"I meant a challenge. For you. A bet, to be more exact. Do you like bets?"
"I do, actually."
"Well then. We'll play a game of tic-tac-toe. The rules are simple. If you win, I'll do everything you want for the rest of the day. Now....if I win....." A devilish grin stretches on one side of his face. "You'll practically do whatever I ask you to. It's the same for both cases."
"What's the catch?"
Jungkook leans back in his chair and links his hands on the back of his head. " There's no catch. I like games, that's all."
The satisfied, confident expression he was wearing made it clear that this was not just a simple game. I was sure as hell he had something up his sleeve but that didn't turn me off nor made me back down. Why not let the guy have his own fair share of fun? However, that didn't mean I couldn't at least give things a little twist.
"Okay, then. Take your shirt off."
This time Jungkook really can't help but choke on his chicken breasts, sputtering pieces of food everywhere. One of them barely misses my face.
"What the fuck! Why?" he screeches, hands wildly attempting to clean the mess.
I slowly drift into a smile. "Relax, pretty boy. We're playing the game on your abs.
~ JOJO ~
"This is stupid."
"You're stupid. Now shut up."
Jungkook gives me one last incredulous look before pulling the shirt completely over his head. In all honesty, the sight was to drool for. That swirling tattoo I'd always caught a glimpse of, is now clearly displayed on one part of his chest and on his left side, reaching up to his neck and down to his hipbone. I try to keep my composure as best as I can but some of my facial expressions must have been on point because Jungkook seems to start feeling uneasy. He shifts his weight from foot to foot and scratches the back of his head. I almost feel bad for lightly snorting but then I think better of it. After all, I was allowed to have some harmless fun, right? No biggie.
The ridges of Jungkook's magnificent abdominal muscles come into view as he slowly approaches. His posture is a bit stiff, however. The guy was trying his best to suck his stomach in, in hopes of flaunting his slim waist in the most perfect angle.
"Stop flexing, Juan." I say in a monotonous voice. "I already know you're ripped. "
Caught in the act, he shyly smiles and lowers his eyes. "Sorry."
The smile only grows further when I use a marker to draw the lines for the game on his stomach. He squirms and twitches with every flick of my wrist. Apparently, ticklish was another adjective to add onto the dictionary of my names for him.
After a rough sketch is drawn on his tummy, Jungkook gestures for me to make the first move. "Ladies first, " he says with a grin that almost looked pained. His eyes follow my hand that had been finishing the last touches.
I draw an X.
He draws an O.
We move back and forth, exchanging the marker every time, until I realize.
I'm fucked.
He had me cornered in both rows. Wherever I put my next mark, I would still lose. It was an old technique that everyone had used at some point but my dumb ass had fallen right into the trap. But was I really to blame with him looking at me like that?
Jungkook chuckles. "I win."
Fuck. I'm screwed.
"Looks like you're gonna be my servant for the rest of the day. " He throws a careless glance at the windows, pitch dark background already behind them. "Or should I say, night?"
I sit back down on the chair and man-spread in defeat. "Fine. You won. Congratulations. Now what do you want me to do?"
He doesn't even hesitate, his voice as clear as glass. "Kiss me."
I stare at him in disbelief but it didn't seem like there had been a slip of the tongue. He was dead serious with those hooded eyes and the fact that he hadn't even put his shirt back on was for some reason unnerving.
A scoff escapes from me. "Out of all the things you could've asked.... I thought you were gonna make me clean your kitchen or something."
"Oh ,we have plenty of time for that, " Jungkook replies with a newfound smugness.
I mull it over in my head for a second before slowly rising from the chair. He leans forward in anticipation and it's as if his every fiber feels ready to pounce in action.
I honestly found it hard to comprehend the concept behind all of this. Out of all the nice looking girls out there, he found a dirty looking rag called me? Me?!
I give my head a slight shake and reach up with the tips of my toes. I listen to Jungkook's breathing stagger for a moment, only to be released with disappointment when I touch my lips to the side of his cheek, furthest from his two plumps of pink rosy flesh. Jungkook's expression looks slightly annoyed as I pull back, observing the ruins left in my wake.
"That's not exactly what I was thinking, " he laughs to himself, half out of disappointment half out of disbelief.
"You never specified where to kiss you, " I explain.
There had been nothing forcing me to act the way I did. Absolutely no one but myself yet I still felt like something was missing. Like I wasn't enough for him or any other person. My mind kept lying to itself, in the hopes that if I could avoid being too touchy, he probably would forget about me altogether.
Jungkook, bless his soul, gets rid of the awkwardness in a moments's notice, his cheeks puffed up in what resembled a pout. "You played me good, huh?" he huffs and I hold the urge to laugh like a little girl. It felt weirdly cute to see him so worked up over a small rejection when he could make any girl fall in his arms with just a snap of his fingers.
I lower my voice in a mockingly deep baritone. "What are your next orders, my lord?"
Jungkook smiles.
* * *
After that, it's hell hours for me.
It's like he had been waiting for this chance all this time and now that the flood gates were open, he couldn't afford to waste any buckets of water. From cleaning to organizing to heaps and heaps of orders, Jungkook had been vastly generous. And the worst part was that I had to eat my next meal with him and not even dare think about counting calories. He would purposefully mess up the portions and make it impossible for me to calculate. As if I didn't already have a hard time doing that on the daily...
At one point I was even scolded for counting in my head because apparently, the genius had noticed my eyes moving upwards in circular motions as the food lay down in front of me.
In other words I was utterly fucked. The anxiety of not knowing what I was putting inside my body, of having no perception of numbers or weight scared the shit out of me and if it hadn't been for Jungkook's appreciative glances or encouraging words, I would've said goodbye a long time ago. With him it felt a little less guilty, less of a sacrilege.
"Just don't think about it, " he'd said to me and even though it was one of the most conventional phrases you could think of, coming from him felt different. As if there was an actual purpose behind the words.
"What's next?" I ask in a dead-sounding voice after finishing the rest of the dishes. " A hand-job?"
Jungkook raises his eyebrows in sudden amusement, his expression shamelessly entertained. "As tempting as that sounds, I think I'll settle for a massage for now."
I drag my eyes to his still bare torso and motion for him to lay down on the couch. "Good. 'Cause I wouldn't give you a hand-job even if you threatened to throw me off the balcony."
Jungkook's laugh is muffled by the pillows as he turns his sculpted back to me. "I like how you have no shame."
"Shame is for the weak, " I add.
My fingers work tirelessly on the smooth planes of his skin, pushing and pressing on specific points which I knew would grant him relief. The way he tries to hide satisfied grunts makes me feel light-headed but I bite my tongue and will my creative mind to take it down a notch, focusing on the task at hand. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't had so much physical contact in a long time. Who knew? It was still an enjoyable sight, what with all the tattoos gracing his beautiful bronze skin in long shapes and lines.
"You're really good at this, " Jungkook grunts after a particularly hard press of my hands on the small of his back, even though to me it sounded more like a moan. He folds his arms at his front and leans his head sideways.
"I am?" I question as a smile already pulls at the corners of my lips.
"Yeah, " he agrees.
"Well, to return the compliment, I really like your tattoos."
Jungkook turns around and lays on his back, staring at me under his long eyelashes. He doesn't utter a single word, just keeps looking at me like he would a statue in a museum, his fringe falling between his eyes but leaving enough space for him to see. My hand is left to linger on the velvety skin of his stomach.
"Most people say they look scary, " he says in a low, raspy voice.
"They're not, " I add and trace a curved black line with the tips of my fingers in reassurance.
Jungkook gently grabs the said hand, still not losing eye contact. "Are you scared of me, Jojo?"
"No. I'm not."
A silence falls in the room, its echo almost deafening but this time there's no discomfort, no weird looks, just the consoling presence of each other that hangs in the air like a halo of light. Then–
"Juan, I think I'm starting to catch feelings for you."
He stops himself from smiling, but it's useless. The smug grin had already made it past his lips. "Yeah, me too."
"Hmmm, " I mutter. "How do we make it stop?"
Jungkook slowly rises in a sitting position, that damned expression still visible on his face. "I don't– I don't think it's something you can stop."
" Aw shit man, " I scoff.
"Yeah, you just gotta go with the flow."
I'm positive there's a subtle irritated look on my face, which to Jungkook apparently looked hilarious. This had never happened before and I didn't know what exactly to expect. Was it normal? Was I going to be hurt again? What the fuck was I supposed to do?
"You're overthinking it. There's no need to put a name on your feelings." Jungkook cuts like a knife through my jumbled thoughts. "Besides, I thought we were talking about my tattoos."
"Right, " I confirm. " Is there a meaning behind them?"
"No. They're just for aesthetic purposes." The hooded eyes and dark expression is back on his face. "But–" he takes one of my hands and guides it on the side of his torso, "– this one does." He slides it a little further, on the underside of his forearm, tracing what I recognized as a tiger lily. "This one too. I'll tell you about it someday."
His stance is crouched. Even though he's a good feet taller than me, I somehow look towering over him. This position is suggestive enough in itself but it becomes even more so when Jungkook's knees cage around mine. Our eyes now levelling, I drag the line of my vision upwards, refusing to break the eye contact. And then, my eyes focus onto his lips and specifically the tiny little mole under them. It had caught my eye dozens of times before but for some strange reason, right now it looks like it's inviting me. By impulse, I gently meet his lips with mine and surprisingly he doesn't pull back, peppering me back with pouty kisses that are interrupted only by quick pauses for breath. I take the chance and discreetly lick that very mole with the flat of my tongue, feeling his lips' softness with a quick swiping motion.
It's like his gears are put into action. The sweet, gentle Jungkook is utterly forgotten from the moment he slackens his jaw to deepen the kiss, wrestling his own tongue in full force. But then his hands reach up and slip under my sweater to feel the skin underneath and that's all it takes for me to flinch and push him off.
He immediately stops himself from going further and lowers his hands down by his sides. His hooded eyes turn back to alertness as he tries to comprehend what just happened. I feel bad for a moment.
"J—Jojo?" His eyebrows raise in concern. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, I just—" A deep sigh leaves my lips as I try to keep myself from panicking.
He was about to touch my tummy. My fat, squishy tummy. Just the idea of him touching me there gives me chills.
"I remembered something I have to deal with."
I rip myself off from the couch and drag a hand through my hair in distress, about to turn on my heel and get the hell out of here.
"Wait!" Jungkook yells after me and he grabs my forearm. Not harshly, just strong enough not to let me go. "Did I upset you?"
"No. I–"
Calm down. Deep breaths. One, two. One, two.
"I just have to–" I rush with my words, but Jungkook's hands are made of steel, such a stark contrast with his pleading eyes.
"Stay. I'll take care of you. " He's begging me now. " Please."
I give in–
~ JUNGKOOK ~
–but at what cost? She's been acting distant ever since the panicky incident and I don't know what else to do to get her back the way she was. She barely touches me, barely comes close and I wonder if it's a shame to admit that I miss her kisses too. However, the jokester in her has never left. She'll crack dark jokes from time to time, acting like nothing ever happened and I'll pretend to play along for fear of not making her leave.
It pained me to see her like this, to see her crumbling apart day by day while my hands were frozen in place. A soldier stuck on quicksand. Someone had to tell her this was toxic, that she was poisoning herself and was fully conscious of it.
Weeks and weeks under her presence had trained me to notice all the changes, all the little shifts in her demeanor. Today was no exception. At least not with the incident that had made me do things I'd never imagine doing.
It had all started when a new employee had joined us on the coffee shop, courtesy of my boss, whose relationship with him was rather close. It was one of those cases where you had to make favors for the sake of family relations, et cetera, et cetera. So far, so good. But was one really to imagine that the guy had the audacity to act like he owned the place? I tried to ignore his antics up until the moment he fucked with the wrong girl. My girl.
Despite my disapproving glances, Jojo had been making comments on her weight, constantly seeking Kwan's opinions on the matter.
"But I'm fat!" she had exclaimed, exasperated. In Kwan's eyes, this was just another one of her lame jokes but I knew the sting behind the words.
Then, completely out of line, the new employee had chirped. "You're not fat, you're just thick."
I'd whipped my head in his direction and jumped off the table I'd been sitting, my hands suddenly itching but Jojo had been quick to secretly wave me off. "Well then, you're not stupid, you're just dumb, " she 'd snarked, earning a whole-hearted guffaw from Kwan.
The joke had been let at that, or at least that's what Jojo thought. My fists hadn't stopped til the itching sensation was satisfied.
"You okay, Jo?" I'd asked at lunch break, the new nickname making her lips barely twitch. She was upset. I could tell.
"Yeah, why?" she'd replied, eyes trained on my face. For once, she'd given me that warm, old look that went beyond friendship. I'd tried to cherish it for a few seconds before adding, "That asshole was rude to you."
I'd unconsciously rubbed my knuckles and that hadn't skipped past Jojo's eyes. "Nah, he's just– wait a second! Did you do something to him?"
I'd adverted her eyes and cleared my throat awkwardly. "I kinda beat the shit out of him."
The image of the guy's swollen face and broken nose flashes into my memory.
She'd gasped but there'd been a mix of amazement and incredulousness in the tone of her voice. "That's my job!"
I'd smiled. "No one messes with my Jo."
She'd smiled back but her eyes had still been sad.
Now I ring the bell on her door, impatiently carding my fingers through my hair as it remains shut. Where the fuck is she? She hasn't been answering my calls for a while and I'm worried sick.
I torture the bell button again and slam my palms on the door. "Jojo, are you there? Come on, it's me! Open up!"
What if something had happened to her? What if–
I slam my shoulder repeatedly on it and the lock busts open with a loud clang. Rubbing the sore spot, I quickly scan the room and finally, my eyes find her crouched form on the floor.
There's a pile of junk around her, chocolate wrappers, plastic bags, food splayed apart chaotically and vomit on the floor as well as traces of it on the corners of her mouth. Her eyes are fixed in space, staring at nothing. Dried tears have left moist streaks on her cheeks. She looks lifeless until the moment she takes notice of me and does a double take.
"Jungkook? What– what are you doing here?"
I fall down on my knees next to her, worry written all over my face, but she immediately closes in on herself, her body language radiating fear and protectiveness. "No! Go away, please!"
I don't listen, scooting further till my hands are on her arms, trying to find a way in but she only keeps resisting. "No! Please, don't look at me! Not like this!" Her body shakes with convulsions and quiet sobs rip through her throat.
This was the first time I'd seen her cry.
I grab a towel from the kitchen and dip it in the streaming water. Jojo tries to keep me at bay but I set my mouth on a straight line and force it to her lips. Cleaning her eyes, her face as if I wanted to exfoliate her from any traces of sadness. "Please, " she's begging me now. "Please, go."
I keep my hands on a steady pace, gently rubbing the towel where needed. "Shhh, it's okay. It's just some spilled food. You're okay."
She quiets down at the words and it only goades me further. "Shhhh. You're my baby. My baby, " I lift her up and clean the rest of her, whispering other sweet nothings in her ear until at last the storm passes.
~ JOJO ~
There were two options left when someone made comments on my weight. I either starved myself for two full days or binged on everything I could see like a fucking cow because hey, I'm still gonna be fat, right?
Unfortunately for me , I'd picked the easier way out and emptied the contents of my kitchen in the blink of an eye. It was one of the things I hated the most; stuffing myself till I couldn't breathe. However, what I hated even more was people seeing me in my own misery. Even if that person was none other than the dreamy-eyed boy who had cared for me more than anyone ever had.
I stay silent as Jungkook cleans me thoroughly, making sure to also get rid of the mess on the ground and give me enough privacy to slip out of my nasty clothes and brush my teeth. I just keep staring at him and wonder to myself if I had done any good deeds in this life to deserve him. It pissed me off.
"Do you need another pillow?" Jungkook asks under his dark curly fringe, his back crouched as he stands on the side of my bed.
"No, I'm good, " I rasp, my voice strained from bawling for a good couple of hours. I avert his eyes once more. The guilt and the anger keeps bubbling up on the surface.
Jungkook abandons his chair and sits on the bed, his outer thigh barely touching my forearm. The springs creak and whine under his weight. He takes my hand in his, rubbing comforting circles with the tip of his thumb.
"You okay, baby?"
I lash out in a second, grabbing the collar of his black T-shirt and pulling it inches from my face. "Call me baby one more time and I'll rip your throat out."
To my surprise, he's not even fazed. A dark chuckle falls under his lips as he grins widely for me to see. Then, as if it couldn't get any more intense than this, he lets himself fall backwards on the bed, taking me along with him. My legs escape the cover of the sheets and straddle his waist, trying not to fall over and crush him. In that particular order. What a typical movie-like moment. I'm wearing pajama shorts and the pale skin of my thighs is completely exposed. As if on cue, Jungkook's eyes flick towards them, drinking in the view. Had he ever seen this much of my body?
"Do it, " he says in a low voice.
I slide one of my hands upward and gently wrap it around his throat. "You really want me to choke you, Juan?"
The bastard doesn't even say anything. He raises the hands laying by his sides and traces the outline of my thighs higher and higher till they settle on each side of my hips. Goosebumps chill my skin like flowers after rain. I'm torn between punching him and kissing him senseless.
"Who knows, I might actually like it, " he says. He hasn't even tried to wriggle out of my caging body, going as far as even baring his throat at me.
I smirk. "Are you always this submissive?"
Uh oh. Wrong move.
In a matter of seconds, I'm pushed backwards, the soft texture of the sheets smoothing the land on my back. Just like that, the positions are completely switched. Jungkook's grin never leaves his face as he's on top of me, his curly locks swinging like a crown on his head. He takes both of my curled fists and pins them on each side of my head.
"I was actually letting you in charge but now that I think about it ; I also deserve to have some fun right?" he states with a smug expression.
For a moment, I'm left speechless. My limbs too, have nothing to say. At least not with the way they're frozen in place, too caught on the spot to dare move.
Jungkook takes the chance and nuzzles his nose on the gap between my neck and jawline. On another situation I would have felt ticklish but not right now. A heavy weight on the pit of my stomach is proof enough for that. He starts leaving small pecks on the skin of my throat, making a beeline for the collarbones.
I honestly don't know what to do with myself. We've been playing around for a long time now but things have never gotten so serious. Not at this point. Only recently had I pushed him off and now here I was, the one turned into full submission.
"Do you plan on ruining yourself every time someone upsets you?" he mumbles, smooth lips barely grazing against my skin.
The image of that new guy flashes behind my eyes and my face sours, all those butterflies in my stomach crushed to dust, just like that. "Can we talk about something else?"
Jungkook pauses his administrations and pulls back just an inch, his eyes staring at mine in full concentration. "No."
I huff in frustration. "You're on top of me."
"So?" he raises one eyebrow.
"So, get the hell off!"
My wrists are suddenly pinned harder against the sheets, Jungkook's hands forcing them further down until they form little dips.
"No, " he repeats, almost mechanically.
I'm about to protest again when his tongue swipes at the vulnerable skin of my throat and that's all it takes to throw all caution to the wind. My back arches off the bed without my permission and I think I must've let out a sound because Jungkook is laughing that quiet laugh of his that makes his shoulders shake.
His lips are on mine, silencing whatever literate thought that tries to make it out. My hips are now straddled by his own knees and oh- my wrists are free because he lets them go gently and puts his hands on my cheeks, kissing me even more deeply, threading them through my hair and its suddenly too much, too much for me to handle.
I feel like I'm floating ten thousand feet off the ground and buried under layers and layers of earth at the same time. My breath shudders violently when his lips drag across the side of my face and nudge the sweet spot below my ear.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I whisper but it comes out so broken, so desperate. I'm practically begging at this point and I don't even know why.
Jungkook's hands settle on my clothed waist. His fingertips twitch in hesitation as he bunches the fabric and just like that–
"I'm sorry, "
–and lets go.
I feel relieved and disappointed.
His body peels off my own with reluctance that rips me apart in a million different ways and I feel my skin grow cold from his absence. He leans back on the heels of his hands, staring me down with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, " he repeats and rises from the bed, disappearing into the living room.
* * *
I lay there for a while, staring at the ceiling as if it held the secrets of the universe. My body has not even moved an inch, too shocked, too frozen. My legs feel like lead, two slabs of heavy stone that pin me into place.
If it weren't for Jungkook's presence snapping me out of my empty reverie, I would've probably stood there like a dead body for days. He comes back (from the bathroom, apparently) his wet hair still trickling droplets of water on his shirt, eyebrows shining, and stands on the middle of the room.
"It's midnight, " he says, as if in a trance.
My eyes flick to the window. Pitch black.
Indeed.
"Can I stay here tonight?" he continues, and I can swear the tips of his ears go spicy red. My heart melts into a hot buttery mass. He's blushing like crazy. I can see it! A guy, blushing in front of me. I suddenly can't contain my smile, all things forgotten in a blur.
"Yeah. I would like that, " I breathe.
He locks eyes with me and breaks the contact almost immediately, looking anywhere but in my direction. "I can take the couch–"
"No. Sleep here, " I say and my eyes close of their own accord. "With me, " I slowly add.
"Are you sur–"
My eyes fly open. "We just made out five seconds ago. Why is that such a problem now?" I lift my neck just an inch, to glare at him but there's no real malice in it.
His lips crack into a smile and I'm glad for the tension that dissipates like cigarette smoke. "I sleep without a shirt on, " he confesses.
"Okay."
He slips it off his torso in a swift motion but it's too dark me for me to make out any details expect for his dark silhouette and the wide planes of his shoulders.
"You can take off anything you want. I won't touch you, " I say and roll over on my side of the bed.
"I wouldn't mind it, " I hear him mumble but he complies, the sound of his belt unbuckling echoing against the room.
The bed dips under his weight as he occupies its other side and I feel more than hear the fall and rise of his chest, the labored breathing coming to a steady rhythm.
Two strong hands clasp around my waist and I'm pulled backwards into his chest. I don't push him off. I let him hold me to himself, caged by his body, by the feeling of him; his bare chest, his bare legs, his long hair tickling the back of my neck.
Everything is going to be okay.
I'm okay.
"Jojo?"
"Hm?"
"Do you care about me?"
I smile. " More than I'd like to admit."
He kisses the nape of my neck and pulls me harder against himself. It's not long before sweet, calm sleep sneaks its way into into our bodies.
~ JUNGKOOK ~
It's not the sun the one that wakes me up, despite it having been up for a while, not even the sound of the cars honking in the distance. It's the gentle caress of skin on skin, making goosebumps rise and my eyelids flutter.
I slowly crack one eye open and the smile that blooms on my face is automatic. Jojo's cuddled up on her side right next to me, her head laying between my chest and shoulder, arms splayed out to hug my torso like a teddy bear. But what really does it for me is her left leg thrown across my side. She keeps moving in her sleep and it's doing things to me. I can't breathe.
I suddenly realize that I'm only wearing my boxers. Nothing else.
Oh God.
I lift a shaky hand and try to detach her leg but my fingers linger for too long and she suddenly stirs. Her lips nudge my chest and unconsciously give the latter a tender kiss. Her eyes slowly open. For a moment it looks like she doesn't know where she is but then the realization dawns on her.
"Good morning."
Shit.
Her raspy voice only makes it harder for me to keep myself collected.
"Morning, " I manage.
She sits up and drags a hand through her hair, frustrated. "Why is your nice body the first thing I see? I'm jealous, " she huffs.
I open and close my mouth like a fish, caught on the spot. I'd never thought of my body as particularly nice. "It does its job so yeah, I guess, " I admit aloud.
At that her eyes drag down to a very unholy spot in between my legs. She smirks. " Oh, it does its job, alright. I think you have some problems with morning wood, my boy."
I grab the sheets on the side and swing them over my legs, embarrassment setting my face aflame.
She bursts out laughing. "Relax. It's not like I've never seen a guy with no pants before. Though, I'm kinda disappointed. I was expecting for you to have Lighting Mcqueen patterns on your underwear. " She shakes her head mockingly. "They're so plain."
I uncover my legs once again and this time I don't care. Let her see whatever she wants.
She stops laughing. Gives another glance to the crime scene. Gulps. "Yeah, like I said. Plain."
This whole exchange is so entertaining, I feel my insides flutter with joy. Last night's episode is forgotten in a ditch with no problem. We're back to the old times.
I get up and pace around the room, in search of a glass of water. My throat is parched.
"You know what? Go take a cold shower. All that–" she gestures toward my middle with a wave of her hand, "– is distracting me."
I stop pacing. "You know what? I'll put some pants on if you put some food on your stomach. That's a fair deal."
The color completely drains from her face, replaced by a dark expression that seeps the life out of it. Regret weighs me down.
"I'm never eating again, " she says, while her eyes bore holes into the floor. " Not until I reach my goal weight."
I drag a hand across my face and rub it. Hard. My sanity is on the brink of falling apart. "Then what are you gonna do?" I ask, frustration finally creeping on my voice. "When you get to your goal weight."
She shrugs. "I'm just gonna keep being unhappy, I guess."
It's the way she puts the words out there so easily that draws the line for me. So carelessly, like I mean nothing to her. Like she means nothing to herself.
"This is ridiculous. You know you're harming yourself and you still keep doing it. You know you're not gonna change anything in the end and you still keep doing it. I don't get it."
"Oh yeah?" she spits, her own voice full of poisonous venom. "Why do you keep living if you know you're gonna die one day? Huh, Juan? Why do you do it?"
"This is killing you!"
"I don't care!"
I flinch. It takes me a while to gather myself before I muster the strength to spell out the next few words. "I don't even know why I care about you when you don't even care about yourself."
Her lips curl into a half smile but it doesn't exactly reach her eyes.
"You're right, " she says. "I don't."
Silence.
"Maybe you should go now."
I look up into her face but she's not looking at me, too focused on a spot on the wall. She's telling me to leave. To get the hell out of here. I'm suddenly realizing the absurdity of all this —me shirtless and half nude, boxers stuck to my body like gauze, having a fight with the girl I love with all my heart. I realize the enormity of it. Of how much I love her, of how much I'm hurt by seeing her hurt and I choose to leave.
I pick up my pants from where they lay carelessly on the floor and put them on in excruciating slow movements. I grab the belt and the T-shirt and make my way out of the apartment. Her eyes never leave that spot.
I shut the door behind me and lean my head on its cool ugly surface.
What an ugly mustard -yellow door.
" Jojo, don't do this, " I say, loud enough for her to hear. "Come on, please."
No answer.
The anger falls off me in waves I can't control, swallowing me whole until my eyes see black. I kick the door so hard, my leg grows limp. Another punch and I think I've cracked the wood but I don't care. I don't give a shit. I scream and slam my fists and palms like a madman throwing a tantrum.
"Dammit! Why do you keep doing this?! Stop it, damn you! You're hurting yourself for fuck's sake!"
"You're hurting me, " I add in nothing more than a whisper, my voice already hoarse.
The door never opens.
~ JOJO ~
The door opens easily with just a push of my fingertips. I try to look uninterested but my restless eyeballs betray me in an instant, scanning the coffee shop in all four directions within seconds. I'd spent the whole night spacing out while sitting at the foot of my bed on the floor. I'd never felt so much regret, so much of it that it had felt like I was drowning–
"He's not here." A voice startles me out of my thoughts and I turn around to find Kwan looking at me with something that looks similar to pity.
I blink. "What?"
"Jungkook, " he explains. " He's gone."
My heart falls into the bottom of my feet and I suddenly can't keep the panic from tainting my voice. I grip Kwan's shoulders. "Where?"
"Woah, calm down! I think he's gone to his parents or something. Boss already gave him permission."
My grip loosens. "Oh."
Kwan blanches but soon a look of genuine concern flashes behind his eyes. "What's the matter? Did you two get into a fight?"
"No, " I deny.
I can faintly make out Kwan's rambling but it sounds so, so far away because soon my ears are thundering.
he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone–
"Jojo."
I'm shook awake, courtesy of my man-handler.
He looks truly worried but I just can't seem to care. All I know is that I need to get out, distract myself, do something–
The indecisive old bitch lady steps foot into the shop and I curse her existence and mine altogether. This is so not the time to be arguing over extra menus.
She takes her usual seat with an excessive amount of unnecessary grace and looks at me pointedly, waiting to be tended to.
I smile. "Welcome, Mrs. Park."
* * *
Everything feels empty, blurred around the edges.
Meaningless.
I finally realize how important purpose is and how everything we do is driven by it.
Lately I've been walking in circles, wandering like a fly trapped inside a jar, not knowing where I am or what I'm doing.
I'm just there.
I never eat anymore. I never drink. I savor my body like an untouched temple and hope against hope that I'll get better.
It's okay if I'm not. I can't make the difference anymore, anyway. I've spiraled into the bottomless pit of oblivion and the process is slow. It makes me feel numb.
I stare at the rumpled apron laying on the floor along with the rest of the garbage and Ms. Park comes into mind. She hadn't really appreciated my spilling hot tea right onto her chest. The dumb bitch had gotten me fired but it doesn't really feel like a great loss. I'd only worked there because of him, anyway. Him and only him. I never cared about anyone else. But he's not here. He'll never be here anymore.
I fish my phone out of my pocket and make use of the sudden memory to type down his number. I have it memorized by now. The line beeps.
"Hey."
My heartbeat spikes in excitement. "Hey yourself," I reply hastily but my voice cords haven't been used for days, so it sounds more like a rasp. I clear my throat.
"How's it going?" he asks. Casually. Like he would a friend. I missed hearing his voice.
"Good. You?"
"Same."
I bite my lower lip anxiously. I don't like his answers. I don't like how short and clipped they are. Clipped. Nipped. Chipped. Ripped. Zipped–
"So, the guys have been wondering when you'll be back, " I lie.
I hear him release a subtle sigh. "Oh. I don't really know, honestly. I've been hanging out with my parents and they plan on keeping me here for a while longer."
I nod my head slowly then remind myself he can't see me. "Right. Right, you must've missed them."
White noise.
Hmmm.
What else rhymes with noise?
Choice.
Boys
Toys
Turqoise–
"Well, have fun."
"Thanks......um, are you oka–"
I end the call.
he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone–
i told you he doesn't give a shit
"I never said I did, " I reply without looking.
you hoped, though
"Shut up."
laughter
you do realize you're pathetic, right?
I turn my head to the mirror. "Shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch! Shut it!"
I spit and throw whatever I can get my hands on it but there's a smile there that I just can't see.
what rhymes with smile?
aisle
bile
rile
guile
worthwhile–
I scream and yell. I rip the sheets of the bed, swipe off the contents of my desk, punch and punch the mirror till my hands are raw and bleeding a waterfall. I kick and thrash with every ounce of strength left in me but there's no use.
She's still smiling at me.
* * *
I'm sitting down on the floor, surrounded by a pool of my own insanity. I can't tell how many days have passed and my cheeks feel surprisingly moist. Have I been crying?
There's no one else around here.
It doesn't matter. I like being alone.
It feels nice to just be with your own thoughts, not having to fear being overheard when you scream ideas and screenplays in your room. You can just be yourself and enjoy doing the things you like the most. But still, sometimes it gets really lonely and not just in the literal sense. I'll always check the dark corners to see if someone's there, I'll always feel like someone's whispering, saying bad things about me, that coat hanged on the rack will always look like a person and then I'll even start getting scared of my own shadow, my head will always shake uncontrollably when I'm crying because there won't be anyone to hold it for me, anyone to assure me that things are gonna be okay.
I don't like being alone. It's not nice.
I glance at the broken mirror, bloody cracks and lines making up the whole of it. There's only one spot in the corner that remains clean and untouched. A smile attached to it.
I realize now. Why she wouldn't go away. The reason why I could never win this war was because the enemy I was fighting against was none other than myself. She was no stranger. She was me. No matter how much we tried, me and my own resemblance would still be standing at the end of the day.
If i was alive, she was alive.
It was like a symbiotic relationship, a Yin to the Yang. We kept each other afloat and neither could exist without the other.
he's happy.
"I know, "
without you
"I know, " I repeat.
is that enough proof for you?
"It is."
then do it
"yes."
I rise from the floor and blindly look for my phone in the midst of all the trash. It's nowhere to be found. I then turn around and grab hold of the old telephone hanging on the wall. It stands out, an ancient relic hard to be found these days. I roll the numbers by memory. The line crackles for a couple of seconds before a familiar voice breathes into it. My chest constricts as I let out a pathetic whimper. "J– Jungkook... I'm sorry."
I don't give him time to answer, slamming the phone down with a loud ring.
it's over it's over it's over it's over i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry
Big, fat tears trickle down my cheeks and chin and I do nothing to stop them. I whimper and whine as I head for the bathroom, reaching up with my toes to get the pills I'd hidden all these weeks. They're still here.
Waiting for me.
~ JUNGKOOK ~
I'm running as hard as my legs can take me but it's not really me doing it. It's my impulses being triggered with full force, struggling for survival. I'm completely detached from my body, my mind going through only one simple rule : I have to make it on time.
I don't even notice the heavy torrents of rain blurring my vision, making my feet trudge with difficulty. I don't even notice the people I push harshly out of my way or the red stoplights blinking past me. My eyes are focused inwardly like a camera, set on breaking through the sea of umbrellas.
please please please please
I repeat the word like a mantra in my head, praying against whatever odds that she will be okay when I get there, that she won't do what I think she intends to do.
please please please just not that anything but that please make her be alright
If only I could've hurried earlier, she wouldn't have had the chance to say those things. To say my name.
It was the first time she'd said my name. My actual name. Those few seconds hearing the syllables tumbling from her lips had been pure bliss to my ears, only to be ripped apart with the realization that she was pleading.
She doesn't answer the phone.
I curse myself to hell and back. I should've told her I was coming today. I should've told her I was only two blocks away from her apartment and that all this time far from her had been nothing but torture. There hadn't been a moment when I didn't feel her absence or when I didn't wonder what she was doing. I should've told her I regretted every single word I'd sa-
Something slams against my arm. I fall onto the rough asphalt but I'm on my feet in seconds. The man I'd run into stares at me in anger but I can't deal with his shit right now, so I push him blindly, my feet already finding their footing. "Out of my fucking way!" I yell at him without looking.
I run and run and run until I can't feel my calves and my jacket is soaked through.
Drip
Drip
Drip
please don't die
drip
Her apartment building zooms into view. I punch buttons and take the stairs by four.
please
stay alive
please
Mustard yellow door.
I don't wait to check if it's open, kicking the lock open immediately.
Things happen in a blur, straight out of a dream. I kneel to the ground, forcing her mouth open. Her tear-stained face spits the pills reluctantly and then she tries to push me off as hard as she can. I knew she'd do this. I just knew it. I had seen the pills standing on the drawer for days, weeks. I knew how she gave those bruises to her body, how she tortured herself by her own will.
"NO! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!" I hold her hands down and bend them behind her back but she keeps screaming and it's like all hell has broken loose. "FUCK OUT OF HERE! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"
I squeeze her hands tighter and I can suddenly hear myself crying, fully sobbing my heart out and then she's crying too and we're both sitting on the floor like two poor beggars with our limbs awkwardly splayed out.
"That's my decision, Jungkook. You can't take that away from me, " her muffled whimpers are heard as I lean her head on the crook of my neck.
I release her hands, which soon find their way around my neck, hugging my body till we fit perfectly together.
"Jojo."
I pull back just a few inches, capture her face with my palms and kiss her like there's no tomorrow.
~ JOJO ~
Do you know that feeling of finally getting home after a long trip, of how your body relaxes upon finding its lost familiarity? That's exactly what courses through my body right now, except that it's multiplied tenfold, to the point of numbness. I'd missed sensing his body beside mine. I'd missed his dark locks tickling my neck, his soft lips, but more than everything, I'd missed having him here. With me.
It's hard to believe the number of things that have happened today. It feels like I'm watching the scene unfold in front of me like a spectator and wonder if it's just a figment of my imagination. And the way he is kissing me..... It feels brand new. Desperate in more ways than one. He morphs our lips together as if they are made of clay and his hands start feeling around my body, begging for some purchase.
I don't realize the fact that I have started crying. Silent tears tumble down my cheeks, wetting his own face with their saltiness. I can't control them. I can't stop them. And Jungkook understands that. He pulls roughly at my bottom lip and suddenly lets go, creating a gap between our bodies. I can't help but feel that I must look like a little child in his eyes right now; grubby, disheveled, teary-eyed...
And then he's looking at me dead in the eye, beyond my appearance, beyond my outer core, cutting through weeds and vines growing inside my soul. "I know none of the things I say will ever convince you. So, I won't be using any words."
He slips my left sleeve from my shoulder, exposing the skin underneath. His head lowers down to it and gives it a feather-light kiss.
I stare at him in confusion but he chooses to keep silent. His eyes never leave my face, even when he starts repeating the action with my other sleeve, rolling my whole shirt up and off my body. He discards each piece with surprising gentleness and that's what makes my tears fall even more violently.
He's so kind.
So good to me.
And he's taking off my pants.
I instinctively tense and Jungkook makes an obvious pause, letting me make my choice. The rigidity dwindles away and a flash of relief passes behind his eyes. I close my eyes and then he moves on with his graceful touches. I'm lain down into the bed, my hair fanned out behind me like a halo, and he slowly crawls on top, observing his work of art with a look of genuine satisfaction. His clothes are gone before I can blink and he slowly dives in for the sensitive part of my neck, breathing it in.
"Beautiful," he mumbles against my throat. My body convulses with whimpers. He nuzzles his way up until his lips are meshed against mine. "Touch me, " he whispers.
My breath hitches but I raise my hands that had so far lain on my sides and put them on each side of his face. "Jungkook."
He smiles and my heart bursts into a million fireflies. "I like it when you say my name."
"Jungkook," I repeat.
He drags those sinful lips down through valleys and crevices, leaving soft kisses in their wake, tracing every inch of my skin, tracing every bruise, every wound, every trace of self-harm. I am nothing more than a hot pool of lava. I do not own a body anymore. Or rather, I feel each sensation being magnified into infinity and I can no longer tell where my body starts nor where it ends. I feel too much. I feel everything. And I am not ashamed of this mundane mass of flesh and bones and blood.
I kiss back.
That's all it takes for him to finally let himself go freely. No obstacles. No barriers. I am free of the voices in my head, free of my fears and judgment. It's like we want to devour each other, drain every single drop until it is the only thing our tongues can taste. I don't really care about anything else right now. I wanna forget about it all and just focus on the soft texture of his lips ghosting the skin on my neck and then going stronger and wilder and swallowing it up till I can feel the delicious sting of pain. We fight. We love. We pour our hearts out like a warm waterfall. And as our bodies tangle restlessly with each other, sticky with sweat, I go through an indescribable ecstasy. Something I've never experienced before.
Acceptance.
_____________________
EPILOGUE
I'd never imagine the storm would go on all night but it somehow did. As I lay in my bed, feet tangled up with someone else's, I hear the distant rumble of faraway clouds first thing in the morning. If it weren't for my daily habit of waking up early, I wouldn't have even bothered cracking my eyes open. The sun remains hidden in some corner as the dark gray sky salutes me instead.
I like it. This mood. It's cozy and warm and safe .
I turn my head on the side and almost melt. He's sleeping like a baby. Eyelids relaxed, lips slightly open, an angelic expression on his face. Pretty.
"That's bold, coming from you, " his lips spell.
I lightly gasp as I realize I've said the word out loud. "I thought you were asleep." As if by instinct, my hand slides up into his face, gently caressing it.
Jungkook grabs my whole arm and pulls me towards him, giving the edge of my jaw a kiss. "I was kinda faking it."
I kick his butt with the sole of my foot. "You prick! Stop playing!"
The whole bed shakes from his laughter as he massages his poor backside. "Did you sleep well?" he asks.
I smile. "Mhmm."
Jungkook mirrors my expression, but it somehow looks more devilish on him. "I'm sure you did."
"Shut up, Jungkook."
He smiles again, genuinely this time and turns, facing the ceiling with his eyes closed. "I really like it when you say my name."
"Jungkook," I whisper. A pause. "Jeon Jungkook."
His eyes open. "Yes?"
"You know, the night before I met you, I was about to kill myself."
His body goes rigid, but I continue. " I don't know why I didn't do it. Then, the next day I met you and it was like it just slipped my mind. The thought was no longer there. So I came at that coffee shop every day, hoping I could see you. You weren't some kind of prince charming or anything. It's not like I looked at you and knew we were meant for each other or that kind of bullshit. I just liked looking at you. One glimpse was enough. It made me feel better somehow. It felt.... nice. But the moment we stopped looking at each other it all came flooding back. That longing to die. I turned back to my starting point."
Jungkook's arms envelop me and I feel my bones shatter. "I'm sorry," I whisper, barely a breath.
He caresses my bare shoulder. "There's nothing to be sorry about. It's okay now. I'm here. It's over."
I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. "Don't leave."
"I won't."
We stay like that for a while, holding each other in our arms and relishing the sweet silence of early morning. Until-
"Hey Jungkook, you know how you're hot and cute at the same time?"
"Don't do it, Jojo. I'm telling you, don't-"
"Hute."
My obnoxious laughter annoys the hell out of him, but he eventually joins me. I smile to myself.
The old back me is me but more different than ever. I want to go through a deep cleansing. I want to throw away all the trash that has been accumulating in my house and my very soul.
A new person.
A new life.
A new me.
I can't promise I' ll make it in the end but I can promise I'll try.
"You know, " Jungkook says, "you turned out to be much more different than I thought you'd be."
I turn his face to him. "Did I meet your expectations?"
He smiles. "No. You exceeded them."
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house of cards | knj x reader chapter one: now
summary: you already know how this is going to end. that’s not going to stop you from doing it anyway.
pairing: namjoon x reader
word count: 208
rating: 18+
genre: smut with feelings| idol!namjoon
warnings: slow burn, angst, pining (a lot of pining OKAY), sweet to start, smutty to finish
Chapter 01 | 02 | 03
******************************
A house made of cards, and us, inside
Even though the end is visible
Even if it’s going to collapse soon
A house made of cards, we’re like idiots
Even if it’s a vain dream
-- "House of Cards"
BTS
***************************
i need to see you [ 4:07 AM ]
please [ 4:07 AM ]
The buzz of text notifications rouses you from a deep sleep. You stare so long and so hard at the messages that the words blur in and out of focus.
God, where is he right now?
Thailand? No.
The Philippines? You honestly can’t remember.
It takes a minute for the fog of sleep to lift and now you’re alert. Wide awake and heart pounding at this unexpected exchange. You send back the first question that pops into your mind.
you: how? [ 4:09 AM ]
i’m going to figure it out. just say you’ll meet me [ 4:11 AM ]
You chew the corner of one fingernail nervously. It’s been weeks since you’ve spoken and you hadn’t expected to ever hear from him again. You are torn between curiosity about what he wants to say and fear of actually hearing it. Still, you’d be an idiot not to agree to see him.
you: i will [ 4:12 AM ]
It takes a moment for his response to come back. You realize you’ve been holding your breath when the phone finally buzzes again.
that’s great. i hope you’re okay [ 4:12 AM ]
you: hope you’re okay, too [ 4:12 AM ]
*************************************
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BTS as boyfriends: Jimin
Here's my version of Jimin as a boyfriend. Let me how what you think of it :))
Click here to read:
Suga as a boyfriend
Jungkook as a boyfriend
1. Cliché starts
This lil fluff ball... He's the definition of a picture perfect cliche and you wouldn't have it any other way. Because people often forget how amazing being a part of one is. Him asking you out won't take you by surprise because he'd have spent the last month in strategic meetings with yoongi, Jin and Joonie. He'll keep mentioning how he needs to '' have a meeting with his hyung cause of the new album'' and jungkook and taehyung would just howl and laugh their heads off as he gave his excuses to you. Youre patiently waiting for him to muster up courage to ask you out. And boy does this one go all out... Its a candle lit dinner with brilliant food and the mochi looks flipping delectable. And when hes just about to start his monologue he just looks at you and stills because... Holy moly aren't you perfect. You're all dressed up and pretty for this date... All beautiful just for him and hes all emotional because no one's ever dressed up just for him? He's forgotten his speech completely and he's smitten all over again. But then he hears jungkook and tae laugh in the background and springs into action... Blurting out his proposal entirely.. 11/10 thinks youre gonna say no... But you just peck his cheek and whisper a yes. He melts right there... Tae and jungkook are shook while the hyung like says '' finally'' and walks off to nap... Smiles on their faces.
2. Cuteness
What. A. Bean. Asdfghjkl idek.
The first 10 dates... He's got written itineraries and a list of places he wants to take you. You think ''how does he have time for all of this'' but what you don't know is that he's staying up till 3 am googling '' perfect ideas for dates'' and making notes in his little black book as he goes. Its gotta be perfect. By the 10th date - and mind you these dates are spectacular, flipping first class dates full of photos and food and funny moments- you realise he's exhausted. It takes an effort to make things so perfect and he's so tired but happy because you're so happy. And just as he texts you to ask you out on your 11th date... You beat him to it and ask him to come over because you've planned something for him. Lil bug comes over the next day and sees a pillow Fort, loads of snacks, you in his large hoodie patting the space next to you so that he can relax and chill and just calm down. A few movies later and you see him almost dropping onto your shoulder and you can't help but kiss his forehead and bring him into your lap. He's so tired he didn't even stir you just rake your hands through his head because it's so damn soft. I see you two talking about him being so tried when he wakes up.. And he admits to planning such extravagant dates because he wants to be the best boyfriend ever.. You smile and tell him you'd love him regardless of what the dates were... Even if they werent that well planned because you don't love the dates.. You love that he's with you. He's all emotional but understands completely and makes sure to find time for sleep dates and walking dates and fun dates too.
3. Calm and cool
He actually strikes me as someone who has a lot of patience? Like he gets mad and everything but he's letting it go in his mind more than you think? I think he's actually quite unsure of himself at times and realises early on that you are too... He's smart like that... He doesn't just keep telling you you're beautiful (at the beginning of the relationship he does because he feels beautiful when he's with you but after the honeymoon period) he says it to you when you feel really ugly. He pulls out his own scars and battle wounds to show you when you think you look stupid and he'll remind you that it's okay to look bad once in a while... That tomorrow you'll be back to looking beautiful. He knows what it feels like to be under pressure... Knows what it's like to push yourself until you're about to cry. He doesn't take you away from your work when he feels like you're about to snap... He just hugs you. Right there.. On the floor.. With all your stuff pooling around you.. And you might scream and shout in his ear demanding him to let you go but he won't. He's your anchor. You'll sob into his shoulders cause of the stress and he'll just keep mumbling pretty things into your ears... Letting you know that he's got you and that you're safe and that you can always get back to your work after his power hugs. He'll sit by your side until you finish up... He's your anpanman and he's there to stay.
4. Arguments
He gets riled up, frustrated and angry when things don't go his way. Sometimes he cools like ice when you waltz into his studio, pull him into a hug and feed him food... Other times he's screaming at you to leave. But you see it in his eyes that he's regretting everything... The screams and the shouts mean nothing and he's begging you not to take it to heart... But he's got to vent. So you just walk up to him.. Kiss his cheek and leave. He comes home late at night.. Sorry as hell... But you welcome him with open arms... And he lays there pouring his heart out and apologising. Everything is okay and you sleep in each others arms. But then aside from this I feel that sometimes he really does get mad and you can't read his eyes well... Those days are the worst because you don't know whether to walk away or whether to kiss it better? You choose the first option, give him space to sort stuff out. He's back to you in no time and you're reconciliating and making up for lost time.
5. Moves and countermoves
He loves that you're a little tease. Loves that you love to dance around in his clothes only so he can push you to the nearest wall and rip them off. But he also loves it when it's nice and slow...candles and their dim light make him fall in love with how you look even more. Loves it when you wake him up with kisses and is totally the type to cuddle at night and be back at it in the morning. He says he hates it when you casually spank him.. But you know he loves it. Its like a game between the two of you and it's funny as hell. I see shyness at first but then later on I see him completely baring himself to you... And being Proud of the fact that he did. You don't ever call him cute in bed... Simply cause he's not... He's a hot bug just for you.
All in all... 300% boyfriend material... Sits you between his legs and you're both reading your books... And you show him something from yours that's well written and he does the same... He's got his arms around you and he's playing with that string couple bracelet the two of you bought on some date. Youre threading through the one on yours. You've got games on the console for later and loads of food in the fridge... He's picking you up in his arms when you're too tired to walk and hes a living snuggler. Can't sleep away from you which is why fights don't last long. Kisses to the back of your head... Running his hands through your hair.
Forehead pecks. Loves it when you need him for something.
Please protect him like he does you. Boy needs to feel loved and appreciated and will definitely give you double the amount in return.
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Namkook. 15k. Rated E. No archive warnings apply.
Garage band and college au where they’re all music majors.
Slow burn. Oral fixation, Overstimulation, Clothed sex, Nipple piercings.
Have fun!
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No. 14
Namjoon x Reader (Angst)
Summary: "This isn't love."
"Why not?"
"Because you're hurting me."
How much love can you give someone before they die from it?
Author's Note: This is the most challenging piece that I've ever worked on. I have never written a suspenseful story before and I didn't realize how much planning and thought it goes into creating one (my brain hurts). I know I haven't been uploading a lot, but I'll try to upload as much as I can for the remainder of my Spring Break. Enjoy my lovelies! :) Please don’t be afraid to comment so I know how to improve my writing!
//
It first started out with a few texts.
‘Where are you?’
‘Why aren’t you replying to me? :(‘
Those were the types of messages you would receive from Namjoon and you initially brushed them off as concern. Even though many girls wouldn’t like a clingy guy, you actually liked his need for your attention. It made you feel wanted and it was a good ego boost.
When you didn’t reply within two minutes, he would send a series of messages asking what you were doing, where you were, and who you were with. If you ignored him when you were with your friends, he would simply call you, much to their annoyance.
It was endearing how Namjoon was so worried about you until his intentions became questionable.
The texts turned ominous and your skin crawled whenever you hear your phone ding or feel your phone vibrate.
You felt suffocated and the worst part of it was, you guys weren’t even dating.
You’ve tried everything to stop Namjoon from contacting you. From blocking him to changing your phone number, neither one worked. He always managed to find out your new one.
‘Answer me before you’ll regret it.’
‘You don’t want to make me angry.’
One evening, you laid on your bed with another new phone on the night stand. You attempted to not pay any attention to the constant blinking light that radiated off of it.
Sleep didn’t come easily anymore, not when you have someone terrorizing you.
Every time you walked out of your apartment’s door, you wondered if you would be able to come home that night. However, there were times when you didn’t even want to come home because you were afraid that you would find Namjoon sitting on your couch in the middle of the living room.
Fortunately, it hasn’t escalated to the point where he starts showing up to your workplace or apartment … yet.
You rested one of your palms across your eyes in attempt to relieve the tiredness to no avail.
It was difficult for you to breathe lately. Every text and call made you short of breath and you would feel your eyes well up with unshed tears. However, you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of having such an emotional control over you. No, you refused to. You’ve been holding it together for this long and you couldn’t just give up now.
You let out a shaky breath and placed the other hand on your chest to steady your heart. You felt like it could lurch out of your throat at any moment.
You were afraid for your life.
You could sense something terrible was going to happen and you had no idea how to stop it.
All of a sudden, the bright flickering light from your phone stopped.
You lifted your hand from your eyes and glanced towards the device. You were expecting another notification from him, but all you received was a dark screen that didn’t light up for the rest of the night or the day after.
In fact, you didn’t hear anything from him for the rest of the week.
Maybe he finally understood the message and gave up. Maybe you can stop double checking your locks before you go to bed. Maybe you don’t have to ask one of your friends to accompany you everywhere anymore. Maybe you can finally get a goodnight’s sleep without a kitchen knife under your pillow.
Maybe, just maybe, he will leave you alone from now on.
If only you knew how terribly wrong you were.
//
Someone was watching you.
You can feel it from your bones all the way to your veins.
You were being hunted like a damn animal. It’s like a sniper is trained on you and is following your every movement.
You wish he would just pull the trigger already to put you out of your misery. It's a game to him and you don't want to play at all.
He didn’t have to show up for you to know that he’s there.
At work, a few customers would approach you with something in their hand and informed you that, "A gentleman told me to make sure you get this." The items or "gifts" as he would call it were nothing but a reminder that you will never be rid of him and just the mere thought of that makes you break out in cold sweat. You would choose the pestering texts and calls over these trinkets any day. At least with those, you felt safer because he didn't feel real through the screen. In a way, it made you feel like it was possible for it to just be a horrible nightmare and that you were going to wake up soon.
What made it worse was that your coworkers were actually jealous of you for having such a devoted "admirer."
The rational part of you was screaming at you to pack up your belongings and move cities or even countries, but your shoulders immediately slumped at the idea because you wouldn’t put it past him to track you down and find you. You hoped that by being passive in the situation, it would help ease the tension. However, it seemed to just encourage him even more.
The bell to the flower shop interrupted your train of thought as an elderly lady came in and you hurriedly greeted her.
"Welcome to Caste Flowers, how may I help you?" You forced a smile on your face to mask your troubling thoughts.
The woman gave you an endearing smile before lightly shaking her head.
"Oh no, I'm not here to buy anything. I'm here for you darling."
Your eyebrows scrunch up in confusion before raising a finger to hesitantly point at yourself.
“….Me…?”
She let out a laugh that spread warmth throughout your body. It reminded you of the sensation of putting on clothes that were just fresh out of the laundry.
The woman eagerly nodded before rummaging around her green tote bag which was decorated with pink carnations. You patiently waited for her to find what she’s looking for as your head tilted to the side in curiosity.
She pulled out a small box which was perfectly wrapped with a golden ribbon on top.
You felt your heart drop to the floor.
“A nice young man stopped me when I was walking and asked me to hand this to you as a favor. He’s very handsome and well mannered! Is he your boyfriend?”
A nervous laugh escaped from your mouth and you hope the woman didn’t sense your uncomfortable state.
“Oh no, he’s not my boyfriend,” you weakly muttered without any further explanation.
You took the gift from her hand and placed it in front of you on the counter. You started to stare the box down, like something was going to jump out at you at any given moment.
“Well, he seems to have quite a crush on you,” you couldn’t help but mentally scoff at the comment. A crush? It was more of an obsession instead.
The lady continued, “You’re very lucky to have such a charming admirer. He has very nice dimples.” There’s that word again. Lucky.
What do these people know? All they can see is the exterior and how a man is romantically expressing his love for the woman he likes. Yet, they are oblivious to the toxicity and distress that the person is suffering with the unwelcome affection. They wish they could be in the girl’s position, but they fail to realize that they may end up dead if they were.
You finally tore your eyes away from the box and met the woman’s eyes. She reminded you of your mother before she passed away. The motherly gaze that she gave you was almost enough for you to spill out the truth. All you wanted to do was collapse into her arms and relieve yourself of the stress and paranoia that you’ve been going through. Yet, you didn’t have the heart to bring her into this mess and so you held your head high, thanked her for the gift, and bid her a goodbye when in reality you just wanted her to come back.
You returned your gaze to the gift that’s been mocking you since the moment you sat it down.
With trembling hands, you graze the edges of the lid before gathering the courage to take the top off.
You expected another bottle of perfume, some jewelry, or even chocolates, but instead, in the middle of the box was a picture. To be more specific, it was a picture of you from today. It must be because your hair was styled in the same high pony tail with curls framing your face while you were helping one of the customers pick out a bouquet for his 10th anniversary.
What unnerved you was how close the picture seems to be taken. It looked like it was captured just outside the shop from one of the windows. You feel your legs begin to shake and you quickly gripped the counter to steady yourself. Your trembling eyes quickly dart around the store and outside at the people and the buildings nearby.
He’s near.
He was just right outside, and you were oblivious to it. You bit your lip to prevent yourself from crying out in despair.
"Hey," You were shaken from your thoughts by one of your coworkers, Jimin, who's been gazing at you with concern from the corner of the store, “you look like you’ve just seen a ghost. Is everything alright?”
You quickly covered up the picture and placed the box under your arms. You were sick of saying that you’re fine when you weren’t.
With a deep sigh that couldn’t even remotely reveal the troubles that you’re having, you softly said, “No, I don’t feel very well.” This made Jimin come closer and place a hand over your forehead.
“I can tell. You look like you haven’t eaten in days and you’re paler than a person should be.” The store’s bell rang, signaling to the both of you guys that a customer arrived, but you guys paid them no attention.
You grasped Jimin’s hand and moved it away from your forehead before pinching the bridge of your nose. “Is it okay if I go home early today? I feel like I’m going to throw up at any moment.” Not like it would be from any sort of real sickness, but the picture ruined any sanity that you worked so hard to have in order to power through the day.
“Of course, we can manage without you! You go home and get some rest. I’ll come over to bring you some chicken soup tonight,” Jimin warmly smiled at you and you felt comforted with his crinkled eyes and rosy cheeks. You hold out one of your hands for a fist bump which he gladly met before making your way to the back room to gather your belongings.
On the other hand, Jimin made his way around the counter to assist the remaining customers. He was finishing one of his transactions when he noticed a shadow looming over him. He looked up before happily asking if the person found everything to be okay.
“Yes, you guys have very beautiful flowers here, especially the carnations.” The customer handed over a single yellow carnation to Jimin and Jimin couldn’t help but be a little confused.
“Only one? Most men usually go for a whole bouquet,” He inquired.
The man lets out a soft chuckle, “She's not like the others. She’s not the type to place emphasis on the quantity. One would get the message across.”
Jimin's eyes almost fell out of his sockets.
"She's special then because I need to get myself a girl like that," there was a slight pause, "I wonder, where did you find her?"
"By chance." There was a dreamy tone to his voice, like the person was deeply infatuated with his girl.
Jimin tied the finishing bow onto the flower's stem before handing it over to the customer. "Would you like a card?
The customer shakes his head no before making his way to the door. However, he suddenly stopped in his tracks and returned back to the counter.
"Actually, I would love one."
Just when the customer left, you came out from the back room, all bundled up to protect yourself from the chilly weather outside. You finished putting on your scarf and you pulled your long ponytail from under the wrap. The gift that Namjoon gave you was safely tucked in your bag even though you were planning to throw it away once you get home. It's just you couldn't risk any of your coworkers finding the picture. That would raise questions that you would have no idea on how to answer.
You start leaving the store and from behind, Jimin waved at you and hoped for your speedy recovery. However, the second the bell signaled your departure and the door closed, the corners of Jimin's mouth returned to its neutral state and he glanced around the empty shop. Jimin grabbed the dusty and old broom from the corner and started sweeping, not that it needed any cleaning. You've always made sure to keep the shop tidy and pristine.
While he was doing so, his mouth curved into an 'o' and a tune escaped. The echoes of the whistling sent vibrations through the walls. In a way, it sounded sinister when in such silence. The melody started off as upbeat and midway, took on a more menacing tone and yet towards the end, it sounded…. remorseful.
It was a song of farewell.
//
One step after another, the other one followed.
He made sure to match his steps to yours despite that he was at least four meters from you.
He blended in with the shadows, watching from a distance with his breath hitched in his throat. The autumn’s crispy breeze swept through your ponytail, making your baby hairs and a few strands to be free from the knot. The way your hair so cheerfully swings from side to side could have fooled anyone that you were in a good mood if they didn’t pay attention to your heavy steps.
He noticed though. He noticed every single intricate nook and cranny of your body language from the way you furrow your eyebrows when you concentrate to the way your lips pursed when you’re frustrated.
It seemed like you were not happy and he was the reason why, but the guy was delusional. His judgement has been clouded and there was no turning back. He couldn’t distinguish from love and obsession anymore and at this point, he really doesn’t care.
He wanted you and he was going to get you.
//
A knock forced you to throw the blankets from your body and you trudged to your small apartment’s door. It was only nine in the evening, but you have been in bed since the moment you arrived home. Without looking through the peep hole, you unlatched the many locks that you had installed to your door and opened it. You expected Jimin to be on the other side, yet he wasn’t.
In fact, no one was there.
You glanced to the left and right of the empty hall way before realizing there was something at your feet. When you took a closer look, it was a single yellow carnation.
Terror suddenly had you in a vice-like grip. Your stomach felt like it was full of lead and your vision suddenly blurred. Your heart was beating so erratically to the point that it was kind of painful. Your throat felt like you just swallowed sandpaper.
You wanted nothing more than to rewind time and tell yourself to stay in that Friday afternoon, to not head to that library. Maybe then you wouldn’t have met Namjoon and you wouldn’t be in this situation.
You fought through the fear and reached down to grab the flower and you noticed a card was attached.
It was a simple phrase. Your grip went slack, and the flower and card fluttered to the ground as you quickly went inside your apartment and hurriedly bolted the door. Your body collapsed to the ground and you curled into a feeble position as you try to muffle the cries of despair and helplessness.
On the other side of the door, the note remained on the floor with the mocking words.
Peek a-boo.
//
You couldn’t see anything.
The second you inhaled the chloroform was the moment that you blacked out. Even though you were finally conscious, all you could see was darkness. You let out a groan and tried stretching your arms only to find that you were bound. You yanked against your restraints a few more times to be certain that this was real.
“Careful or else you’ll hurt yourself,” a voice sounds from your left.
The sound of a pencil scratching against paper reaches your ears as you try to focus on the source.
You let out a whimper as you try to shrink back into the bed.
Your lips quivered as you croaked out, “W-where am I?”
You were met with silence except for the rustling of the paper which indicated the person turning to a new page.
Feeling a bit bolder, you cleared your throat to get rid of the lump and tried to make your voice seem stronger.
“I asked you a question, Namjoon,” your voice cracked towards the end of your sentence.
Damn.
The scratching noise suddenly stopped and the hair on the back of your neck sticks up when you feel eyes boring into the side of your face. Suddenly, you feel them traveling down your body and you attempt to contain the red flush of your cheeks.
“I don’t think you’re in a position to make any demands,” Namjoon’s lips were brushing against your ear. You flinched away from him in shock.
He lets out a soft chuckle before you hear his footsteps getting away from the bed. The floorboards creaked with every movement he made.
“W-wait.”
Another silence. You took this as your cue to continue.
“Can you take the blindfold o-off?”
Namjoon lets out a thoughtful hum before shaking his head. However, he remembered you couldn’t see and that made him giggle. You feel your eyes furrow in confusion.
“Not until you behave kitten.”
The nickname ignited a fire inside you and you thrashed uncontrollably on the bed. The steel chains around your wrists dig mercilessly into your skin as a result. You were positive that the liquid slithering down your arm was your blood but you didn’t care at this point.
“You fucking BASTARD,” you screamed out, “You’re such a sick person! I can’t believe that you think this is love! Let me fucking go!”
Suddenly, you were pinned down by Namjoon’s body and the heat from his body did nothing to calm you down. In fact, you started to move your hips upwards to try to get him off of you, but when he lets out a throaty moan you immediately stopped.
“I would enjoy you grinding against me if it wasn’t for you screaming bloody murder.” Namjoon’s breath fanned across your face and you feel his fingers wipe away the wetness from your eyes.
“Don’t worry though, you’ll be screaming my name soon,” you can hear the smirk in his tone and all you want to do is punch him to death.
Without another word, he got off of you and made his way to the door. He slammed it shut and you listen intently to the sound of numerous locks being snapped into place.
You lay there helplessly as you continue to sob like a child. There was no way you could escape.
//
You have no clue how many days have passed.
Namjoon has been accommodating more than the average kidnapper. After all, he claims to be in love with you.
He’s been making sure you were eating, but it was no easy task in the beginning. The next day after he first brought you to the place, he attempted to spoon feed you some chicken noodle soup. However, your pride made you refuse and your mouth was kept firmly shut. Namjoon eventually got frustrated and poured the whole thing down your throat and cupped a hand over your mouth until you swallowed.
You, being you, couldn’t let him have the last say and you made sure to save some of the boiling soup in your mouth. When he took his hand off, you wasted no time in spitting it in his face.
He roughly snatched your chin and yanked you up towards him. You were smug about being able to get him riled up and you were hoping he would hit you. Sensing that this is what you wanted, Namjoon let out a deep sigh before throwing you back into the bed.
He didn’t bring you any food the following day. He was going to wait until you break and you weren’t going to go down without a fight.
//
It was two days before you heard the door open again.
The clattering of bowls and dishes on the tray as he walked towards you made you realize why he was there.
You took in a deep breath and quickly regretted it as your stomach growl from hunger.
Namjoon choked back laughter and you feel the bed dip underneath his weight. "If you don't eat then you'll die," his tone is laced with amusement and you rolled your eyes behind the blindfold.
"That's kind of the point." You scooted as far away as you can from him, which wasn't very far considering you were still chained. Namjoon frowned at your state. You looked pathetic and not the fiery woman that he was infatuated with.
He reached across the bed towards your face and you feel the heat from his hand. Before you can jerk away, he shushed you. You feel a tug on your blindfold and you quickly shut your eyes to the unexpected light. After blinking several times, your vision suddenly begins to clear up. The blurry objects start taking shape and the first thing that you noticed was Namjoon who was a few inches away from you. His black hair was messy with a few strands falling in front of his eyes and his golden skin seemed to shine greater under the lowlights of the room. He flashed his dimples at you before moving away.
He stirred the chicken noodle soup while blowing on it to cool it down. You sat shell shocked from his actions and you softly whispered, "Why?"
Namjoon quirked up one of his eyebrows in confusion. He didn't understand why you would even ask that question. "What do you mean 'why'?"
"Why would you take off the blindfold?" He held out the spoon which contains the soup to you. You cautiously glance at it before Namjoon gave you an encouraging nod. You hesitantly open your mouth and you held back a moan from the warm liquid as it went down your throat.
Namjoon smiled at you as he went ahead and grab another spoonful. "I was sick of looking at you."
"I mean, you can, you know, let me go?" He quickly shook his head at your suggestion.
"I was referring to you looking like a beat up puppy." You choked on the soup and he quickly dodged as you sat there coughing uncontrollably. He lightly pats on your back in an attempt to soothe your fits. "You were starting to lose your fire and I didn't want to be responsible for that. I want you to continue to fight me, to try to escape instead of accepting your fate. That's what caught my attention about you in the first place. You scolded me for being too loud in the library when you were trying to study for your chemistry test. How did that go by the way?"
"Fantastic," you sarcastically drawled out. If making a 54 is considered fantastic by anyone's standards, then you did very well.
Feeding you the last spoon of food, Namjoon gently wiped your mouth with a napkin. He quickly cleaned up and picked up the tray.
"Don't give up."
The only sounds you were greeted with were the sounds of locks going back into their place.
//
You would never admit it to anyone, especially to Namjoon, that it wasn't so bad being a captive. Namjoon treated you with a gentle hand that you didn't know that he was capable of. After a few days of eating chicken noodle soup, you were starting to get tired of it.
"Do you not know how to make anything else? I think my tongue is about to fall off if I keep eating the same thing three times a day." However, you opened your mouth for the next spoonful and you swallowed with great difficulty.
"This is the only thing I know how to cook. I'm afraid of burning the place down if I try anything else."
"Well, we wouldn't want that considering I can't really escape if a fire breaks out," You held up your chained wrists to his face in order to prove a point.
Namjoon gazed at the dry blood on your wrists and left the room before returning with a first aid kit. He started to alternate between cleaning up your wounds and feeding you and you looked at him with slight admiration.
"That's not true," Namjoon suddenly whispered. He sounded vulnerable, like he was... scared.
You let out a hum in question. "I would come back and save you." You were so surprised at his confession that when he left, you didn't realize that he unlocked your chains and that you were able to freely move now.
When you woke up the next morning to a pile of clean clothes on your bed with a note, 'You're stinking up my place," you couldn't help but let out a soft laugh. However, Namjoon heard it from next door and he tried not to spasm in joy.
You walked out of the bathroom with only a towel covering your body. You realized that you had to walk across the hallway to get back to your room, which Namjoon got rid of the chains from the bed post. You quickly made your way back in hopes of not running into Namjoon. You thought you were safe from his prying eyes until you heard the moans and grunts from next door.
However, he never mentioned the incident when he came to your room later on that night to feed you. This time, it was fried chicken and waffle fries instead.
You were starting to become comfortable around him and he was grateful for you starting to open up to him. He wasn't a terrible person. He knows he struggles with expressing his emotions and he ends up doing it in an unhealthy way. However, he knew that he had good intentions.
The days blurred and you no longer care about how long it's been.
Eventually, you guys would sometimes eat dinner together on the table in the cramped kitchen or would sit silently reading books together. He didn't have a TV and even though he has a phone, you never saw it in his hand.
One day, you were casually sitting on the worn down couch, reading one of his many book selections from his shelf, when Namjoon walked through the door with a bag of take out in his hand.
"Hey," you greeted him without looking up from your book.
"That's not how you greet me," his voice sounded dark and menacing, but when you laid eyes on him, you can see his eyes twinkle in mischief.
You patted your lap and Namjoon set the take out on the table in front of the couch before plopping his head down. Your fingers curled into his coarse hair before you lean forward to take out the boxes from the bag.
You were oblivious to your chest being in Namjoon's face until you feel his mouth on one of your nipples through your thin nightgown. He quickly reaches up behind your neck to keep you still as he teasingly nip and lick your bud.
"N-namjoon," you stuttered out, "the f-food."
"Don't care," his deep voice sent vibrations through your body and you feel your core getting wet, "you're my meal for tonight." He released his hold on you and sat against the couch. He pulled you into his lap so roughly that you had to put your hands on his chest to stop yourself from crashing into him.
His hands started traveling under your gown and dangerously brushed the inside of your thighs. You reached under to stop him from moving any closer. Your action made your gown hike up even more and you were exposed to him. You can feel Namjoon's bulge become even harder underneath and you try to ignore it.
"B-but, our situation," you weakly protested.
"Don't think about that. Not right now at least. We'll deal with it later." He licked a long slit against the side of your neck and you leaned back to give him more access.
That night, he took you roughly and painfully. That night, as he fucked you into oblivion on top of every surface that he could find. That night, as he gently wiped his cum off of you and laid you down in his bed, you came into a realization.
You were in love with him. You fell in love with him and you fell hard.
//
You were woken up by fingers trailing down your naked back. You sleepily brushed the fingers away and nuzzle closer to the warm body next to you.
"Kitten, it's time to wake up," Namjoon teasingly sing to you.
You open one of your eyes to meet his endearing gaze and let out a loud groan. You rolled over on to your stomach and stretched your body out like a cat, making the blanket that was covering you to fall.
"I could get used to this view every day." Namjoon lets out a genuine laugh before walking over to his dresser to take out some clothes. He handed a pair to you and proceeded to put his own outfit on.
"I have to go somewhere to take care of some business, so I won't be back in a couple of hours."
You didn't reply as you dressed yourself. Instead, you studied his room and the amount of pictures of you was a reality wake up call. Seeing the pictures made you realize why you were here in the first place and the blissful feeling from last night faded and was replaced by a new surge of anger.
Namjoon called out your name and you turned to him with a hard glare.
"Hey, what's wrong? Did I hurt you yesterday?" You didn't say a word before pushing past him and storming into your room. You can hear him following you from behind and trying to get you to stop.
You covered yourself with your blanket and curled into a fetus position.
"What's going on? Why are you acting like this?" Namjoon sat next to you and placed a hand on your shoulders, but you quickly brushed it off. He lets out a frustrated sigh and there was a moment of silent tension between you guys. He has no idea what caused your sudden mood swing, but he can feel your guards going up again and he's slightly panicking.
"I want to go home," you softly uttered. Namjoon froze at your sudden revelation before shaking his head.
"But you are home. You're my home! That's not possible anymore..." You angrily threw the blanket off of you and you rolled out of bed.
"Well, why not?! You brought me here against my will Namjoon! Surely, you can let me go!" Namjoon's hands clenched at your last words before he grabbed you by your arm and shaking you.
"I don't fucking want you to leave me!" He passionately roared out.
You guys ended up in a heated staring contest before you shook him off of you. He followed your movements as you slumped onto the bed in a defeated manner.
"This isn't love," You brokenly voiced out.
Namjoon went down to his knees in front of you and pulled your hair back behind your ear to get a good look at you. You were crying and the guilt in his chest made it hard for him to breathe at the sight.
"Why not?" He sadly whispered.
One of the tears escaped and slid over your chapped lips, letting you taste the salty liquid. You winced at the sting when it touched the wound that Namjoon gave you from a particularly rough kiss last night.
"Because you're hurting me."
Namjoon reeled back from your comment in pain, "You no longer want me?" His eyes well up in tears and you look at him with such sadness that he was scared of what you're going to say next.
"I shouldn't want you," You avoided eye contact with him.
"Then what's the problem? We can be together forever! You want me and I want you." Namjoon grabbed the sides of your face and stood in between your legs.
You didn't reply and after a few moments, Namjoon let your face go and stepped back.
He made his way to the door before saying, "I'll be back in a couple of hours." He shut the door and you knew that he no longer trusted you as he locked it like he did on the first day.
//
You knocked out from the mental exhaustion but someone was frantically shaking you awake.
"Wake up! We have to leave before he gets back!" The figure was blurry and you rubbed your eyes to clear up your vision.
"Jimin? What are you doing here?" You couldn't even grasp the situation before you were yanked from the bed and dragged towards the door.
" I should have never let him get to you, I am so stupid," Jimin ignored your question.
You planted your feet firmly into the ground to stop him from further dragging you away.
"What in the hell are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere until you answer my questions!"
Jimin ran his fingers through his hair, "Look, I can answer all of them later, but I need you to follow me okay? I'm trying to get you out of here?"
"How did you know where I was?" You were confused, how did Jimin know where you were? To your knowledge, Jimin and Namjoon had no connection to each other whatsoever. But, why did Jimin never show up at your place that night?
Jimin's guilty face answered all the questions that you would have asked and you pulled away from his grasp.
"You...." You pointed a finger at him, trying to will it to stop shaking.
Jimin tried to take a step closer to you, but you took one back.
"Get the hell away from me! I don't even fucking know who you are anymore!"
"I know how bad this looks and I am willing to apologize a thousand times, but I need to get you out of here! Please, just trust me!"
"You think apologizing will fix everything?! How do I not know that you're going to just take me somewhere else?"
"I promise that I'm not going to do anything to you! I just want you safe right now. Namjoon's not stable and I was hoping that I'm not too late." Jimin held out a hand to you and you cautiously look at it.
"You're not the only girl! He had others before. Please believe me, " Jimin pleaded.
"Please.." Just as you went to go grab his hand, a cold voice sounds from the doorway.
"You take that hand and you won't have any left," Namjoon was leaning against the main entrance, blocking the only escape.
Jimin quickly shielded you behind him. "Namjoon, let her go."
Namjoon pretended to fix the invisible wrinkles on his black shirt before pushing himself off the door.
"Why did you have to meddle into my business, Cousin? You never batted an eye before, so why now?"
"Because she's my friend Namjoon!"
"Yet it didn't stop you from letting me know her address or the countless new phone numbers she had huh?" You can feel Jimin's body tense at Namjoon's statement and his hold on you tightened in case you decide to pull away.
Namjoon's slight smile dropped and was replaced by a scowl.
"Get out."
"No," Jimin defied him.
"Get out, before Auntie won't have a son anymore."
Jimin was startled at the threat. Namjoon wouldn't kill him, he can't. They're family. Yet, the tone and his face showed no bluffing on his part. Not only that, but he couldn't leave his mom alone, not when he's the only son and child.
With a heavy heart, Jimin stepped away from you and you tugged on the back of his shirt in attempt to prevent him from moving any further. However, he looked at you and sadly shook his head before prying your hands off of him.
"Jimin-ah," you croaked out.
"No, no. Don't leave me! Please!" You desperately chased after him, but you were held back by Namjoon and as you watch Jimin walk out the door, your spirit completely shattered. You continue to thrashed and kicked in Namjoon's arms as he dragged you towards his bedroom.
He pinned you down in attempt you calm you down.
"Stop it! Stop! Relax!" You couldn't calm down, not in this situation. A stalker and possibly a murderer is on top of you. Who in their right mind could be calm in this state?
Namjoon found your throat and gave it a slight squeeze and that made you stop all motions.
"Are you going to behave now?" His eyes were hooded and his lips were dangerously close to yours.
You glared at him, but you tried to nod as best as you could.
He released his hold on you and you rubbed your neck before meekly asking, "There were others?"
Still on top of you, Namjoon avoided eye contact before nodding.
"Where are they?" You were scared of his answer.
"Dead," his blunt and sharp reply made your heart lurch to your throat.
"Am I..." you trailed off.
He was quick to reassure you, "No, never."
"I don't believe you."
That was the last words you muttered to him that night.
//
He loomed over you as you slept. Sleep was the last thing on your mind, but your body was in desperate need for some rest.
As you lay there, temporarily relived from the nightmare that you were living, you had no idea of Namjoon watching you with a pillow in his hand. You looked like an angel and he was sure that you would make a better one.
He placed the pillow over your face, effectively constricting your airway. When you struggled and clawed at his hands, drawing blood, he didn't let up. He pressed harder, hoping the process would be faster and you wouldn't be in anymore pain.
He didn't want to do it. He really didn't, but you no longer trusted him. You were different than the other girls but after Jimin's visit, he could tell by your eyes that you no longer loved him.
But he loves you.
As you take your final breath and your hands dropped to the side, lifeless, Namjoon didn't realize he was crying. He touched the wetness on his face before taking off the pillow, revealing your face.
Namjoon lets out a cry as he grabbed you into his arms and sobbed uncontrollably. He brushed your hair with his fingers as he chanted your name, hoping you would come back to him.
Later that night, after he dumped your body in the dense woods on the outskirts of the city, he sat on his bed and stared at your pictures that littered his wall. He moved to take them down and burned them in his fireplace. However, he saved one. The picture was of you at the flower shop, smiling happily at one of the customers.
Namjoon made his way to his desk and pulled out a scrap book. He flipped through the countless pictures of other girls. Some familiar, others, from so long ago that he no longer remembered them.
Eventually, he got to an empty page and carefully placed four glue dots on the corner of your picture before sticking it inside the book. With a red pen, he writes, "No. 14" underneath the picture.
He placed the cap back onto the pen before putting it back into its holder.
He fondly rubbed over your picture a few times before he closed it, placing it back inside the desk.
//
"Mom!" You ran across the vast and dense field of carnations towards her. Her arms were already stretched open, ready to capture you.
"Sweetheart!" You jumped into her arms and nuzzled into her neck, breathing in the familiar scent of melon and strawberries.
Finally, you let her go and she studied her daughter from top to bottom. She wiped your tears before tearfully asking, "You've suffered a lot right, my daughter?"
"It was hard, Mom. So hard," you breathlessly whispered.
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Dig deeper and find my heart
Jeongguk is a shy disaster with a disaster crush and disaster muscles.
Hoseok is a disaster aquarius who also turns out to give amazing massages when dance practice gets a little too rough.
Gay. Very much so.
20.6k words
A koobi one shot to read on ao3.
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LIKE THE MOVIES
Pairings: yoongi x reader
Genre: fluff / strangers to lovers / crack / slight enemies to lovers
Word Count: 3.8k
Summary: You met in a movie theatre three years ago, hands accidentally brushing and mumbled sorries underneath your breath. That’s how you meet again for the following month, week and years to come - spilt soda and popcorn and the same mumbled sorries. The only thing you know about each other? ‘She has good taste when it comes to moviees..’ ‘He likes drinking orange Fanta..’
You grow fond of each other, but neither of you would come to admit that - coming by the same old theatre every few weeks just to get a glimpse of each other - hiding behind the desire to watch a movie (even if you’ve watched every single one that is played there).. Then one day, a certain announcement comes: *white noise* And everything comes crashing..
Warnings: none (if you count lots of popcorn munching as one)
A/N: I was going to bring out Vampire Yoon on Yoon’s birthday, but the fic was getting longer and longer - I really don’t think it will end anytime soon.. So, here we are.. A different fic on the way.. @jayhopely @mochajoon Enjoy!!! - And yes, this is my second time making banners on canva.. Happy Belated Birthday, Min Yoongi :] I’m so late, but as the saying goes: ‘Better late than never!’
THREE YEARS AGO
A bird chasing helplessly after stars in the sky, a madman chasing after lightning when in reality lightning is chasing after him..
‘Are you going to go see that movie again, Hyung?’ Jimin’s busy shuffling through shows to watch, his pink hair all over his face as he rubs at his eyes.
‘Isn’t it on Netflix?’ he reaches his hands out for a glass of water, his fuzzy duck socks poking out.
‘Oh, come on.. Jimin.. Movie theatres are different..’
‘Says Mr: ‘I don’t like people..’ ‘I’d rather sleep at home.’ ‘I want to be all by myself..’ Hypocrite!’
‘And this why they say.. You should never live with your friends.’
‘Aigoo, old man.. Just get going already,’ he shoos Yoongi away the same way one would shoo a fly away.
‘Hey, it’s true! I see you every day.. I’m getting tired of you.. I need new faces..’
‘Blah.. Blah.. Blah.. We all know you stutter when you talk to new people!’
‘Boohoo! I’ll get going now, looser!’
‘I hope you stutter, old man!’
Min Yoongi’s Taste In Movies: animated movies, anything that does not have romance in it (lies), cute cats are always welcome, monster high movies?
Your Taste In Movies: animated movies, anything that does not have romance in it (you blush way too easily), shit with good plot - end of story
‘Don’t you think it’s dumb of Seri to run away from home?’ you munch on your popcorn angrily..
‘No, I don’t think so at all.. She’s not happy.. Why should she stay..’
‘I mean, she should at least have a plan and the basic necessities to survive.. Is it really smart of her to do that?’ you point at the screen, sips of sprite and handfuls of popcorn shoved in your mouth.
‘Does anyone really plan on running away from home? I would have done the same if I was her..’
‘Oh come on mister, you look like you wouldn’t survive one day on the streets..’
‘You don’t either.’
You reach for more popcorn, only to land upon something rather hard.. Yet soft.. Callused.. Huge.. Shit, those are his hands! Not your precious precious bucket of popcorn. But you have to say, it would be nice to hold his hands. Ewww.. Gross.. What are you saying? But.. Eww.. Grosss.. Nooo!
‘Sorry,’ you pull your hands away from his - that’s when you catch a glimpse of his face as he scratches his head - and you swear you see a hint of red somewhere.. Or that could be because the chairs are red.. You must be seeing things!
‘Cute..’
Ahhhhhhhhhh! You did not mean to say that out loud! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! No! No! Boohoo! Boohoo!
‘Huh?’ his eyes widen in confusion.. What do you call that emoji kids nowadays use often.. The one with the big puppy eyes! Do emojis not have names? Is it just called what you think it looks like.. Puppy eyes emoji, hail storm emoji, evil yet cute cat face emoji? Sighs, why can’t everyone just use smiley faces? Straightforward and called smiley face.. Angry face -o- Angry face! -_- Grumpy face! ;) Flirt face! See! So much better than emojis! Okay, the congratulations emoji is cute! But, still.. Sighs.. Why emojis? And why does he look so cute!
He’s mean though.. So, no..
—
Chat - Taehyung
Art Guy (Bestie): I finished a painting!!!!
You: 😮🤭
—
—
Chat - Jungkook
Frustration: Nooooonaaa
You: 🤨
Frustration: Buy me food! I’m hungry!
You: 😑
Frustration: Is that a yes or a no? 🧐
You: 😑
Frustration: huh? 😦
You: 😑
Frustration: Ohhhh!! Thank you, Noona!!! I love you so much! 🥰
You: 😑
—
—
Chat - Jin
Some no hand: Will you answer my phone!!
You: 😑
Some no hand: 😏
You: Why?
Some no hand: I didn’t get to give you your birthday gift yet! It just arrived!!
You: And? 😑
Some no hand: I need to know your address to be able to drop it off
You: We’ve been friends for ten years 😮
You: Plus, just text me!
Some no hand: You moved to a new place!
You: Oh 😮
You: *location attached*
Some no hand: 😬
—
‘Nothing,’ you crack open a bag of chips.
‘Seaweed flavoured ones.. They taste good,’ you pretend to not hear him, your hands reaching out to offer him a fist of chips as you focus your eyes and head onto the screen.
‘Thanks,’ he makes you drop them into his popcorn bucket, his head and eyes focused onto the screen as well.
Huh! It’s not that you want to give them to him! It’s just- He looked as though he would punch you if you didn’t- Okay! Okay! He looked like he needed it, that’s all! And yeah!
‘Would you like some?’ he does not spare you a glance, the pout on his face soon wiped out by a smile as you reach your fingers to take one kernel and pop it into your mouth.
‘As I expected, way too sweet for me..’
‘It’s good though,’ three stuffed in between the plush of his lips.
‘Mine’s better..’
‘I doubt that,’ you drop some into the palm of his hands.
‘It’s *nom..* not *nom* *nom* as bad *nom* as I thought it would be.’
‘Salty though!’
‘You just have terrible taste in popcorn.. That’s all!’ he huffs and puffs, more popcorn stuffed into the walls of his pretty little cheeks.. Mr Big Bad Wolf?
‘Says you, caramel popcorn..’ your default grumpy face is on - spoiler alert: so is his.
In a room with no lights, you are unable to see anything except for when the screen flashes and the ending credits start to play.. Even when the screen completely turns black, your heart manages to flutter and drown out that darkness.. You couldn’t see a soul, but in your heart, you could see him - the smile he was desperately trying to hide - the grimace and frown he pretended to have..
Would it be silly of you to say.. That- that- You fell for him right then and there? Ahahahaaahah!!! Grossssssss!!!!! Cut the cameras now! Cut them now!!! Boo-hoo!!
—
TWO YEARS AGO
‘Ahem.. Ahem.. we meet again..’ his hair a light side of yellowish-brown, his face somewhat more radiant than it was last week? Pretty earrings?
*flashbacks*
‘Jimin-ah!’ Which one looks better, the black ones or the silver ones..’
Silence follows..
‘Black? Silver?’ he jumps up and down, waving his hands at the younger who is occupied by his phone.
‘Ughh.. Silver, Hyung! It makes your eyes pop out!’
‘Ohhh.. Really?’ he opens his eyes widely, smiling almost psychopathically.
‘It does,’ a thumbs up that makes Yoongi crinkle his eyes.
‘Leather jacket or sweater?’
‘Hyung, just wear whatever.. What’s the point of dressing to impress.. It’s nice to look nice.. That sounds wrong.. But as I was saying.. It’s nice to look nice.. But it’s better to simply be yourself, whipped cream man.’
‘Sweater it is!’
‘The one with the cat peaking of its pocket?’ Jimin watches over Yoongi’s back as he picks clothes, hands grabbing for the hangers that are hung up way too high - considering how both roommates aren’t as tall as they like to think they are. Long story short - it was a built-in wardrobe that came with the apartment.
‘Mhmm,’ he nods, eyes closed and sweater in one hand.
‘Orange blossoms or cherry blossoms?’
‘Love blossoms.’
‘You’re weird..’ his face morphs into cringe - eyebrows, lips and teeth quivering with all their might
*flashback ends*
‘Don’t you think particular aspects of this show was exaggerated- a little too far?’
You give him a face.. ‘Does this man know what he’s saying?’
‘Well.. Go watch suicide squad or something.. Matilda’s a children’s movie. Children understand things better that way. Such fragile-minded beings.. I see what you mean, but I think I like it this way.’
‘Did you take up psychology?’
‘Nope.. The exercises in my English textbooks back in the day were good enough to make me a genius.’
‘The textbooks kids these days get are weak.. Aren’t they?’
‘To a certain degree.. I think it depends on what you can afford.’
‘They’ve probably never seen those big TVs we had..’
‘The flintstones? Courage the Cowardly Dog?’
‘I don’t think anyone watches those shows anymore..’
‘Damn.. They’re missing out..’
‘I know,’ he nods in agreement.
‘Speaking of which! Spy girls? Barbie movies? Monster high movies?’
‘Oh come on.. Don’t be shy!’
‘I did. They were nice. My friends made fun of me.’
‘Boohoo! They suck!’
You: 😦😠
‘Never believed in pink for girls and blue for boys anyway..’
‘Me neither.. Or anything really..’
‘Now that I think of it.. Why do we always end up watching movies on people running or sneaking away from home?’
‘Maybe it’s a prophecy of some sort.. Maybe we’ll end up eloping together to the alps!’
‘So.. The trojan war but without war, and a wooden horse.. Lost of stupidity and frozen bodies..’
‘Lots of stupidity,’ he shakes his head, this close to throwing a kernel at Matilda’s mother’s face.
‘I think they’ll kick you out for that..’
‘Reason.. Disruption of view?’ he is but a child whose shoelaces being untied makes him feel evil, ‘I’ll tell them I’m with you.’
‘Boohoo.. Eating popcorn on the side of a road.. They’ll probably tip my bucket over - the movie theatre police.. Then, I’ll have to eat you’re stinky caramel popcorn.’
‘Okay, Ms Cheese Popcorn..’
—
Chat - Jimin
Jimin: How did the date go with Mrs Right?😁
Yoongi: 🤨
Jimin: You thought I didn't know? Didn’t you! Didn't you, Hyung!!!
Yoongi: I was just trying to look nice 😮
Jimin: Sure.. Sure 😣
Yoongi: Are you talking about my annoying movie mate that I keep on bumping into? Because I was just trying to look nice.. She can slip on her cheese bucket for al I care 🤨
Jimin: 🤣🤣
Yoongi: 🤨Huh?
Jimin: Nothing.. You’re just cute.. That’s all
Yoongi: 🤨
Jimin: I’m so happy for you.. You’ve made so much progress 😙
Yoongi: 🤨
—
‘Pstt!! Cheese popcorn.. 4d! (the one with physical effects like fake wind, chair-moving, or water-splashing) I hate it! If there would have been regular tickets to a 2- no even if it's 3d with those ugly glasses! It’s better than this,’ he grips onto his drink for life.
‘Caramel Popcorn, when do you think Elsa will get the fuck out off of that ice palace of hers!’
‘The cold never bothers me anyway.. A very long time,’ you could have sworn you saw flying popcorn fling at Olaf (snowman).
‘I was going to watch frozen fever..’
‘You too?’
‘Frozen one is the best though..’
‘I agree..’ he endures the strong waves of wind that scatter through each aisle, ‘What would be of us if we had watched frozen fever?’
‘Boohoo!! Pretend snot.. Elsa sneezes a lot.. The movie is called frozen.. Well- this was- not a good idea.’
‘People need insurance for this.. It’s dangerous!’
‘You need insurance for everything these days! About time they open one up for movie theatres.. Supper supper dark, dangerous shit..’
‘I don’t think that’s how insurance work-’
‘I just want to live, caramel popcorn!’
‘Okay, cheese popcorn!’
‘Rats are going to come for your popcorn!’
‘Rats don’t actually like cheese! They can eat it, but they’re not crazy for it,’ you ponder on for a while, ‘Hey.. Maybe.. You’re a rat!’
‘And maybe you’re a cheese puff!’
‘Okay, rat..’
‘Okay, cheese puff..’
‘Huhh,’ you huff and puff and glare at him.
‘Cheese puff,’ he munches on more popcorn.
‘Caramel Popcorn Rat!’
—
Chat - Jin
You: I keep on bumping into an annoying rat 😑
Some no hand: Did you go dumpster diving? And is it making you dumber?
You: 😑 bitch
Some no hand: Insulting this handsome face this early in the morning should be illegal 😮
You: bitch 😑
Some no hand: Again!! 😮🤭
You: BITCH 😑
Some no hand: In capital letters 😮😮😮🤭🤭🤭🤭
Some no hand: Now spilll.. What rat?
You: A caramel popcorn rat
Some no hand: Well, you hate that shit.. Looks like you found your new best friend
You: 🤨
You: Rat = Human
Some no hand: 🤭
Some no hand: I’m coming over!
You: ☹️
Some no hand: And bringing a shit load of cheesy popcorn and lemon soda!
You: 😊
Some no hand: No ‘I love You, Jinieee’? 😮
You: 🤨
—
ONE YEAR LATER
‘Would you turn into seafoam for someone?’ your eyebrows are furrowed in a way one could almost presume as anger.
‘If they’re the love of my life.. Maybe..’
‘I didn’t take you for a hopeless romantic, caramel popcorn rat,’ you look at him, eyes wide and mouth open in astonishment.
‘You look like you haven’t dated anyone in decades though! So.. a hopeless romantic who has a hopeless love life.. Oh how hopeless you are, caramel popcorn rat,’ you sneak a bite of your cheese crackers - a new face in the bunch of the usual snacks you pick up.
‘No orange Fanta.. Or.. Woah! No life sustenance! Are you going broke, caramel popcorn rat?’
‘Sore throat..’
‘Have some water then,’ you don’t turn his way, you never do when you hand something over, a glance into his pretty twilight eyes and you’re done for - that is why.
‘Thanks..’ he sips tentatively, smiling your way as you continue to act as though you don’t care - when you turn to face him - that smile disappears. He too pretends to not care, sipping rapidly at his straw - neither afraid the water will swallow him alive or his throat will dry out. Simply afraid of you - and how much he’s grown to like you.
‘You should go check it out a the doctor’s office or something swee-t- cara-mel.’
The new nickname goes ignored..
‘It’s probably nothin..’
‘Hey, better safe than sorry.’
‘Scared I’ll die?’
‘Ha! Sure sure.. But here’s the truth, rat.. Who else will eat all the disgusting caramel popcorn the world has to offer in your stead.’
‘Aigoo.. There are plenty of people who like caramel popcorn just as-’
‘But they’re not you..’
‘Not me?’ his face is about to drop and melt into gumdrops - you feel it - the confusion on his face is palpable.
‘No one’s a caramel popcorn rat, but you..’
‘Okay, cheese puff..’
‘Can you come up with something better? You’re a living breathing animal and I’m a greasy fried ball rolled in cheese powder.’
‘It suits you though!’ he argues.
‘What? Do I look like a ball to you?’
‘No.. But you’re as disgusting as a cheese puff is.. So, it suits you.’
‘Rat!’ your eyes have officially descended over to the back of your head - rolling them over a few times does that.
—
Chat - Jimin
Jimin: What’s her name? Your cheese puff lady?
Yoongi: No clue
Jimin: WHAT! AFTEr THreee yeaaaars?
Yoongi: She never told me
Jimin: And you didn’t ask?
Yoongi: No..
Jimin: I know four idiots
Yoongi: You yourself included?
Jimin: 🙄
—
‘That ramen looks good,’ he points at the screen as he munches on a bunch of orange chocolate minibars.
‘Well.. at least you have good taste in chocolate,’ you sit yourself down, the chair threatening to snap at you.
‘I was convinced you were the type to eat hardened caramel candy out of a jar,’ he reaches into his pocket for something as you say that.
‘And- I was right!’ you glance at the sparkly piece of caramel hanging off of his skimpy little fingers.
‘Caramel Popcorn rat, always at it!’
‘Okay Cheese Crackers..’
‘They’re good,’ you sneer at him.
‘The plain ones are better..’
‘For someone who looks like caramel popcorn-’
‘Why do I look like caramel popcorn?’
‘You are what you eat!’
‘Speaking of which.. I hate cheeseeee pufffss!’
‘Woah..’ he has both of his hands covering his mouth in shock.
‘What? Did you expect me to like all the cheese-flavoured shit in the world?’
‘Mhmm,’ he nods, his eyes brimming with innocence and his head lighting up like a fucking 9-volt bulb.
‘I should give you a new name then!’
And you thought he had a good idea brewing in that stupid head of his. You swear if you were to get a brain scan on him, the dude’s head would be filled with caramel popcorn. Man is the embodiment of that shit.. He has fucking ceramic white hair - he’s a popcorn kernel! His earnings make for great caramel!
‘Moldy Cheese!’
Conclusion of the day: please do not allow this man-child with the mentality of an infant to enter a movie theatre ever again.. Please let him bring a guardian along with him.. Because otherwise, his pretty little face will end up with pretty little purples popcorn shaped kernels on them..
‘Bitter Caramel!’
Conclusion of the day: You too are a child!
—
Chat - Jin
Some no Hand: Tae speaks about this caramel dude.. Why am I not let in on this caramel buffoonery.. As your best friend, I am hurt 💔
You: Rat.. Same shit
Some no hand: Ahhhhhh!!!! Rat!!! I know rattt!!! 👍
You: 🤨
Some no hand: Go snatch yourself a man, bestieeeee!!!
You: And this is coming from who?
Some no hand: The day I find myself one, you will be receiving an invitation to my wedding
You: Smooth
Some no hand: Like butter 🧈
You: Butter on popcorn is better than caramel on popcorn
Some no hand: I just like food
You: You like caramel lollipops
Some no hand: Me and Rat are coming for you.. Sleep with both eyes open
You: You don’t even know him
Some no hand: Well.. Maybe I should
You: ...
Some no hand: Someone’s jealous
You: 🤨 I hate that rat.. You can have him
Some no hand: So.. Where is this movie theatre of yours?
You: Stick to your bougie theatre and drink your American water
Some no hand: 🤭
Some no hand: Got ya!
You: 🤨
—
PRESENT
Announcement: We would like to thank you for many years of support and love.. Blah blah blah blah blah.. After many years of operating, we at “Lights” have decided to bring our business to a close.. Effective as of tomorrow evening (8 pm - 10 pm).. Once again we would like to thank.. Blah blah blah blah blah blah..
What THE FUCK!!!!! 😮
—
Chat - Taehyung
You: *inserts photo*
Art Bitch: Well..
You: It’s 11..
—
Chat - Jimin
Yoongi: :(
Jimim: Hey! Hey!! We live in a tiny neighbourhood! You’re bound to bump into her soon!!! Have some heehee!!!
Jimim: *hoooope
Yoongi: ):
Jimim: How about we go on a little trip tomorrow, walk around the neighbourhood! We might bump into her that way!
Yoongi: :|
Jimim: Caramel fudge ice cream?
Yoongi: mhmm
—
*clank*
‘Oh my!’
‘Kim Taehyung! Back seat, next to the door!’
‘Park Jimin, second to the last seat from the door!!’
‘We used to eat at the stir-fried rice cake stall in front of our school together!! It’s been so longgggg, my frieeeend!!’
‘Wait a minute!!! Do you live here!!!’ they both stare in awe.
‘I do!!!’
*meanwhile*
‘Caramel popcorn rat! You! You!’
‘Cheeese puff..’ you both stare in awe.
‘Wait a minute,’ both Taehyung and Jimin refrain from screaming their lungs out.
‘Best friend?’ Tae removes two books from the shelf and makes Jimin hold onto them, peaking through to see what happens.
‘Yes.. You?’
‘Best friend..’
‘Holy shit, my ship is sailing!’
‘Mine too!’ Jimin exclaims, the books in his hands almost plummeting to the ground - thankfully Taehyung catches them on time.
‘Okay.. So, how long do you think it will take for them to realise that they might have a huge ass crush on each other?’ Jimin almost clashes heads with Taehyung.
‘Knowing Yoongi, two decades and a half!’
‘Knowing Y/N, two decades!’
‘Well, they’re fucked.’
*meanwhile*
‘Anyway.. I’ve got to go now!’ you fiddle with your fingers, ‘It was sort of nice meeting you here.’
‘Yeah.. Sort of nice for me too. Sort of, don’t dig deep into it!
‘I won’t!’
‘Are they really going to leave like that?’ Taehyung’s this close to pushing the fucking bookshelf on them.
‘Oh! Yeah! One last thing! Yoongi.. What’s yours cheer puff? What is your- uhh name?’
He stuttered!!! 😮
‘Y/N..’
‘Decent name,’ he comments.
‘Okay.. Goodbye then!’
‘Yeah.. Goodbye.’
Could it be- could it be- sadness that you hear in his voice! 😮
‘I’m still calling you caramel popcorn rat!’ you slip a piece of paper into his pocket - the same one he soons pick up to read.
—
Paper:
The boujee theatre my best friend goes to.. What is it called? Let me go ask him!!
Ahhhh!!! Butterfly Cineplex.. Meet me there, monster high movie.. The ghouls fall in love one!! Don’t be late!!
It’s okay if you don’t come.. But, it would be sad on my part.. Not that I’m sad I won’t see you again or anything!!! Sad because.. I’m saying! It would be a waste of tickets!!! That’s all! So.. please do not stand up on me, caramel popcorn rat!
—
‘I did not buy this stupid caramel biscuit for you.. I just accidentally added it into my basket!’
‘And this cheese cracker shit, it slipped into the basket!’
‘Have it!’ you say in unison.
‘And to think they’ve been married for years now.’
‘Somethings just never change,’ Taehyung cracks open a can of orange fanta, clinking his can to that of Jimin’s.
‘How’s the fiance?’ Jimin asks, fidgeting with his own ring.
‘She landed yesterday!! We’ll be having our wedding this fall!!’
‘Goodness gracious, you’re going to get married a month from now on!’
‘Time flies by so fast,’ Tae smiles, his face never changing from happy sappy shit even as he listens in on at your conversation.
‘It’s not because I love you that I got you flowers,’ you hand over to Yoongi a cactus in a pot.
‘It’s not because I love you that I got you flowers too!’ he does a ninty degree turn as he passes onto you a whole ass bouquet of flowers..
‘They’re so in love.. It’s gross,’ Jimin walks over to toss his can into the trash bin.
‘It’s like I’m watching a movie when it comes to those two,’ Taehyung passes his empty can onto Jimin.
‘Sappy Soupy couple,’ Jimin sits his ass back onto the ground.
‘They never stop..’
‘They truly never do..’
‘But you know.. What always will shock me to this day is the fact that Jin Hyung was friends with both Y/N noona and Yoongi Hyung..’
‘Is.. Is friends.. Man will go mad if he hears of this.’
‘He’s already mad.’
‘That’s true.’
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GREY AREA. (M) 11
And just like that, your fate was sealed - because Min Yoongi was absolutely going to destroy you. But hell, if you weren’t going to let him, or bask happily in the flames as he did so.
And sadly, at the time, you didn’t think that your thoughts would become so literal.
◇ Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader
◇ Word Count: 12,039 yikes!
◇ Chapter Index
◇ Soulmate!Au, Slowburn, Angst
Over the short magnitude of time that Min Yoongi has been a part of your ever moving life – his decision or not, you have come to discover one thing about his complex character, and that is: when you think you have him figured out, he does something to throw your entire thought base off balance and send it spiraling into the depths of somewhere unknown.
This is what happens the following Monday when he ventures into your shared English Literature class.
Now, when you had told Jungkook to pass along your reply to Yoongi, you weren't sure he had received it. Because you had yet to acquire a text message from him. That's right, not a letter, word, sentence, or paragraph had you received. In fact, you were starting to wonder if Yoongi had indeed changed his mind regarding the friendship or not.
To be honest, it wouldn't surprise you.
Because, after all, trying to guess when it came to Min Yoongi was trying to guess the weather. There was a fifteen percent chance that the New's was correct and a seventy five percent chance that something irrational could happen and everything would change.
You had taken a seat in the middle row, somewhere near the end of it, and you had paid little attention to the students rushing in, when the only person who could cause an undeniable warmth to spread throughout your body ventured in, and his eyes seemed to settle on your body because you felt him in your bones. Felt the affects of his gaze so intensely that the pencil in your hand had stilled, and you had immediately lifted your head in the direction of his gaze.
And when your eyes had locked with his, you had expected that maybe he'd look away. Maybe he'd turn his back to you, or perhaps even flinch, but you were not expecting him to throw his hand upwards, to allow it to move in just a simple gesture one that could not be mistaken as anything but a wave.
And the corner of his lips peaked upwards the tiniest amount, in something that could only be perceived as a sorry excuse for a smile.
And it had shocked you, to put it lightly.
Sure, you both had agreed on a friendship but you had never imagined him to be so open about it – to act as such in front of just about anyone.
You had never thought that things between the two of you would move at such a quick pace.
And yes, a simple wave of a hand and a smile was quick for the both of you, believe it or not.
And for clarification that he was indeed, waving at you, and attempting to smile in your direction, you had turned around in your seat. Just to make sure that his attention wasn't meant for someone else, and surely enough everybody behind you was either engrossed in useless and pointless conversations, busy texting on their cellphones, or had their nose buried deep in a textbook or paper for some other class.
And then it hits you, that Min Yoongi was actually waving at you.
He was trying to smile at you.
And – it made an undeniable feeling of happiness start to resonate inside of you. Because Min Yoongi seemed to be trying – he was actually trying. He hadn't changed his mind, like you so hastily decided that he had.
And then, as if he hadn't surprised you enough, he was suddenly walking towards you. Shoulders pushed backwards, head held upwards. Legs moving towards where you sat.
He began to squeeze and fit his lean and thin body in between chairs and behind people, passing by empty desks until he reached the one beside you.
And with his eyes not leaving yours, he had cleared his throat.
And there you sat, in shocked silence. Your hand still ceasing movements, your lips parted a bit in pure unadulterated stupor, and your eyebrows cocked in interest.
He was standing beside you.
And with a slow rub of his lips together, backpack slung over his shoulder lazily, signature leather jacket missing because you had it in your room, he was saying something to you. His lips parting slowly, thick accent visible in his words.
“Judging by the lack of personal items, I'm assuming that this place is empty. And if my suspicions are correct – “ he pauses before continuing, clearing his throat once more “– what I'm trying to say is - uh, do you mind if I sit here?”
Now it's you who clears your throat, having regained control of your senses a moment after he had stopped speaking, and at first the only thing you're able to do is nod in response. But after swallowing the saliva, and maybe even bile in your throat, you were able to speak.
“No, I don't mind. Not at all.” Your head had then nodded towards the seat in question.
And that had been that, he had pulled out the seat, draped his backpack on the chair, and had taken a seat beside you.
And a potent smell of lavender exuberated off of him and, and it reminded you of everything dubious in the world.
Silence ensued then, there was still seven minutes until class was set to begin and judging by the lack of conversation between the both of you, neither of you had no idea what to do about the lingering awkwardness that was inevitably making itself known between the two of you.
He had started to bounce his knee – probably in nervous or uneasiness, or perhaps a mixture between the two. And you had turned to face forward, posture suddenly the best it had been for years. Back straight, shoulders raised, feet flat on the ground, and forearms laying flatly across the surface of your desk, hands intertwined.
And he seemed to mimic your actions, well – only slightly. With nothing to say he had turned forward as well, eyes studying nothing in particular, and posture swell aswell.
An assortment of mixed thoughts start to circulate your brain. The four most vibrant being:
Why hadn't he contacted me in the two days that had passed?
Why is he sitting by me?
Does he find this as odd as I do?
Should I say something to ease the tension?
The uncomfortable ordeal made you want to chuckle.
But instead you settle for the next thing that comes to mind, which happens to be:
“Yeah, um, this is kind of weird.” You breathe out shakily, a small and effortless laugh pushing past your lips and venturing into the air between the both of you. You allow your body to relax, demeanor changing a considerable amount as you turn your body in your chair to face him, your leg crossed over the other as your eyes stare into the side of his face.
And it takes him only a moment to realize that you are indeed speaking to him.
He hesitates to turn towards you, allowing his teeth to crawl back over and sink into his bottom lip before he finally wills himself to do just that, and when he turns towards you, you can almost see the uncertainty he's feeling through his facial expressions. Min Yoongi is usually a man of little emotion, someone who is quite stoic, something you both seem to have in common. But right now you're almost able to uncover just about every emotion he's feeling.
He too lets out a breath, hand moving to scratch the back of his neck. You're starting to wonder if this is another nervous tick of his.
“Yeah, you're right I – I um, don't really know how to do this.” He replies, and you watch as his body seems to let out a sigh of relief, his body untenseing aswell.
His dark eyes stare into your own, and you wonder for a brief second if he can see the flames that reflect in your eyes as the tell tale sign of him staring at you starts to make itself known.
Electricity.
You give yourself a moment to process his words, and in response an involuntary snicker escapes your lips, one of your hands moving to your head, fingers flicking through the strands, as your shoulders uplift the smallest amount.
“You don't know how to uh, be friend's with someone new?” You ask, because the idea is just so preposterous and slightly amusing to you.
But the reply you get does not match yours in the least, in fact, his head just slowly shakes, and his shoulders seem to deflate just a little.
Had you struck a personal nerve?
If so, you hadn't meant to.
Before you can apologize or explain what you mean, his lips part to explain.
“It's just that – I, don't converse easily with those whom I do not know.” He responds, taking you by surprise.
And you can't help the smile that slowly starts to possess itself onto your pink shaded lips. “You are forgiven because you just loosely quoted Pride and Prejudice.”
You turn your attention back to the front of the room, but before you can allow yourself to fully get situated, he speaks again.
“And who said I was apologizing?”
You turn your head back to his own, to find his eyes already staring at you.
You study his facial features, he's seemed to relax again, and you don't want to say anything more that could possibly startle him.
He was attempting to be playful again, something you weren't sure if you'd ever get used to.
“Touche.” You nod, moving your body back to face the front.
“I'm not good at the whole friendship thing, so I'm pushing myself. You know, for the sake of it.”
And his words, they do not sit very well with you.
He was pushing himself.
Another word he could have used was: force.
He was forcing himself.
If he was going to force himself to do anything, then why do it at all? It made no sense, and suddenly you feel something resembling irritation, and a little bit of of anger start to bubble up inside of you.
And that's when you make a vast decision.
You quickly gather your things, because you know that he is uncomfortable and that he is pushing beyond his comfort zone, and a friendship that is forced, is one that will never work out.
You clutch the pencil in your hand, force your textbook shut before grabbing it carefully. And you stand up, pushing your chair in with a brush of your hip. And he's watching you, the heat says it all. And once more you turn to him.
“I don't know you well, Yoongi. But I am smart enough to know that this isn't exactly what you want, to sit by me, to make friendly gestures in my direction. Your choice of words said it all.” You pause, letting out a breath. “I'm asking you not to push yourself, because this friendship is more than likely going to be a slow process, and luckily, I am a very patient person. And the only thing I've ever wanted in my life is to have my-” you speak a little quieter then, “soulmates, a part of my life. And I would never do anything that one of them – even if it's you, is uncomfortable with.” You pause, eyes grazing over his to make sure you still have his attention.
You do.
“So do not push,” you add emphasis to that one word, “yourself to give me more than what you're ready for, unlike you, I am not one whose mind changes erratically. When I say I want to try something, I mean it. I said I'd give this friendship an opportunity, I'm asking you to give it the same fair shot. You're an intelligent man, if my calculations are correct, so you know what you are doing if you are pushing yourself to do so something. So, don't push yourself, knowing that if you do, things are deemed to failure. Alright? Either, try to be my friend correctly, with a fair chance, or not at all.” You let out another breath.
And he just stares at you. Those eyes peering straight into your soul, and you want to ask him if he see's something he likes, or if your soul is one that scares him.
You seem to be waiting for a reply, and he knows it – because he parts his lips a moment later, and you prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome.
But, all he says is:
“Okay.”
You're taken aback, once more. And you've been surprised so many times in the past five minutes, that it's starting to make your head spin.
And then you reply quickly.
“We'll – we will start off slow. Text messages and all, I'll -” you breathe out. “I will see you later.”
The last thing you see from him is a confused stare starting to prompt itself onto his face, his lips part as if about to speak again but before he can you spin on your heel, and once the gaze is broken, you let out a large breath.
You don't offer him a smile, because your words were clear and stern, and you're not sure if you could muster up anything in the spur of the moment. And then before you know it, you're sauntering away.
And you find your new seat two rows down someplace in the middle.
And when your phone dings a few minutes later, you're not expecting it to be from him. And, what he did not say a moment prior in the conversation that had just ended, he says in the text message.
[9:58 AM] Yoongi – If you are as smart as you think you are, then you should know that I am not a person who does things for the sake of others. I do things because I, myself, uninfluenced by anyone else, want to do them. I waved at you because I wanted, I smiled at you because I wanted, and I sat by you because I wanted. Nobody, not even you of all people, forced me to do any of those things. And now, thanks to you, I have to sit too far back to be considered comfortable by two strangers I do not know, and if you had listened earlier then you would have understood that I do not talk easily with strangers. So you will have to make this up to me. When I don't have to be, then I am not an untruthful person, so believe me when I say: I'm giving this friendship a fair shot. And if pushing myself, just a smudge, is a way to get things going, then I'll do just that.
And you spend a few more moments longer than particularly needed to reread over the last of his reply.
“So you will have to make this up to me.”
“I'm giving this friendship a fair shot.”
And it takes you a lengthy amount of time to fully process his reply.
You had acted upon your own thoughts carelessly and seemed to fuck a majority of things up in the process.
He had actually wanted to be close to you, and you had – fuck, you had pushed him away.
Fucking shit.
And you turn your head over your shoulder, wanting to get a look at him. And when you do, you're able to see the way his teeth suddenly make an appearance and bite deep into his bottom lip, meaning that yes, he feels your stare.
And you continue to stare at him, wondering if you'll be able to see any traces of anything in his expressions. But after a moment of him refusing to glance in your direction, you decide to turn around.
You let out a breath and your phone vibrates again, indicating that you've received another text message.
[10:00 AM] Yoongi – Take a picture, it'll last longer. :)
And it's then and there that you've come to the conclusion that nothing is for certain when it comes to Min Yoongi.
That he is the very definition of the word Uncertain, himself.
You're thinking over the events of earlier that morning, sitting in the grass of the Quad with a minimal number of your favorite people sitting around you.
Your English class had been assigned an essay on none other than The Great Gatsby and your personal opinion's on the novel. Or, to be precise, whether you believed that Daisy truly loved Jay or not, and of course she did – how could she have not?
You find yourself vaguely remembering a conversation you shared with Namjoon and Yoona, over the exacttopic, quite sometime ago.
“So, I think Jungkook has a crush on you.” Seokjin says from his spot in between Namjoon's thighs. This one small sentence is enough to pull your attention right out of your textbook, and settle all of it, uninvited or not, on the man himself.
He's sitting in between his boyfriend, elbows pressed into Namjoon's inner thighs, back pressed against his chest and his head leaning against one of Namjoon's shoulders.
You can't help but to think that they could easily be mistaken as one person, rather than two.
Namjoon's in his usual spot, body positioned awkwardly under the old tree, the shade hiding him from the sun's rays. His nose is deep in a book, his arms wrapping around Jin securely.
You gather your attention, and focus your gaze on the source of the voice. Eyebrows contorting in question as you take a moment to process his words. He's staring at you, surely enough. His eyes peering directly into your own. But even then, just for good measure, and perhaps, to save yourself some embarrassment, you look over your shoulder to stare at Yoona.
And she hasn't even ripped her eyes from her laptop, more than likely typing up a last minute homework assignment. Seeing that Yoona isn't even invested in the conversation at all, leads you to the thought that yes, Seokjin was talking to you.
But even then, it just seems so unreal.
Jungkook having a crush, on you?
And for clarification, because the idea seems way too ludicrous to you, you find yourself asking outloud, eyes peering into Jin's. “You think Jungkook has a crush, on me?”
Seokjin nods, your eyes widening as he does so.
“Me?” You ask flabbergasted. “Of all people, you think me?”
Your eyebrows have furrowed together, nose scrunching up the tiniest amount while the textbook in your lap has been abandoned.
Your right hand moves to your chest, as if to gesture to yourself.
“Me?”
And you watch as Jin chuckles, as he nods his head. And from his response you can tell that he doesn't find the idea strange in the least bit.
Namjoon snorts after Jin chuckles, one of his long arms dangling over Jin's shoulder, large hand splayed out across his boyfriend's chest. And he speaks without even looking up from the book he's reading.
“Good luck with that baby. Y/N isn't interested in dating.” He says nonchalantly, focus not wavering in the least amount.
You're about to send Namjoon a glare, a filthy one, but after thinking over his words you know that it wouldn't be fair. Because in all honesty, Namjoon had a point.
You hadn't dated since highschool, hadn't even wanted to.
Because you only wanted one person.
Your soulmate.
Okay, so in your certain situation: two. You wanted two people.
Your attention is pulled back to Jin as he lets out an audible, disappointed sigh. “Such a shame,” he says softly, eyes wavering to the grass. You watch as he moves one of his palms to the greenery, as his fingers curl in the different strands. “He's always talking about you.” He shrugs slowly. “Said he was going to invite you to the dance.”
Your pink shaded lips rub together momentarily, as you take in his words.
“Yeah, he already has. But it's not in the way you're thinking at all.” You reply. “He invited me only because Hoseok already invited Tae and Yoona.” You shrug, head directing back down towards your neglected book. “He just didn't want me to feel left out.”
Your eyes skim the page in search for the place you last read over, obviously done with the conversation.
Out of the corner of your brown eyes, you think that maybe you see Yoona perk up in interest.
“Um, according to Hobi,” Namjoon's voice sounds for the second time, causing your eyes to once again uplift and land on his own. His attention is now out of his book, meaning that the topic has actually captured his attention. “He mentioned inviting you, but Jungkook was quick to say that he'd take care of it.” Namjoon says a moment later, eyebrows now furrowing together in curiosity.
Your lips part as you think over his words, not quite knowing how to respond.
Could it be possible? Could Jungkook actually have a crush on you?
You think you hear Yoona mumble something like Don't I feel special, being a second choice and all, under her breath, but you can't be for certain, brain too focused on the words that have just left Namjoon's mouth.
“Wait,” you pause. Eyes flickering from Namjoon's to Seokjin's. “You really think so?” You ask again, because the idea just doesn't seem plausible at all.
Why would Jungkook – Jeon Jungkook: handsome, intelligent, artist, fall for someone like you. Someone who seemed to lack in all three of those departments.
“Well, why on Earth would he not be interested in you, Y/N?” You hear a feminine voice sound. And Yoona's finally including herself in on the conversation. She had been nose deep in her study guide, but as the chance to advert her attention to something more interesting arised, she had jumped onto it.
“He's deathly attractive, as are you. And not to mention, he's sweet. Just like you. He's nice too! Just your type.”
You turn your head over your shoulder to send her a glare. Lips falling apart before you're able to practice what you're going to say. “And since when do you know my type?” You ask.
She shrugs. “Nice girls like nice boys!” She responds.
Your glare only dirties further, your head shaking as you decide to quote Boys Over Flowers to her. “Throw away the misconception that all nice girls want nice boys.” You retort, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed and perhaps, defensive.
“Oh, so you're saying you like bad boys? Like 'em dangerous?” Yoona says, a smirk starting to grow on her lips.
You start to feel the embarrassment creep it's way up your body, and flood right to your cheeks.
But, before you can stick up for yourself Namjoon's speaking for you.
“That would explain why she thought Yoongi was attractive.”
You feel your heart leap in your chest, head turning over your shoulder. A feeling of betrayal wandering through your being. “Namjoon!” You squeal, hoping that Seokjin hadn't heard, but it's too late. Seokjin's now turning to stare at his boyfriend, eyebrows peaked in interest.
“What?” He asks, curiosity covering his facial features.
“Nothing!” You hurry to say for your now ex-friend.
“Look,” Yoona says, moving the top of her laptop down to shut it, capturing your attention once again. “All the time I've known you, you have never looked at someone that way. Not in a relationship way, or a, “I want you to fuck me,” type way--”
“Woah!” You hear Seokjin shout from his place curled up in Namjoon. “Did not need to hear that!”
“Yeah, Yoona, Jesus.” Namjoon pipes in. “That's like my little sister.”
Yoona rolls her eyes.
“Sex is natural, shut the fuck up you humping bunnies. Anywho-”
You interrupt.
“I don't even like Jungkook?”
She leans forward then, her hands moving to press directly against your thighs. Eyes peering into yours.
“He's a dancer, Y/N. A dancer. You know what that means?”
Your lips part, but she doesn't give you a chance to guess before she's answering her own question.
“That means he's good with his body. Especially his hips! Not to mention stamina! You don't necessarily need to like him to fuck him.”
At her last sentence, your mind immediately is taken back to the events of that morning. And you can only hope that the blush settled on your cheeks isn't very noticeable. Because, you had once again woken up with your underwear soaked in your own bodily fluid. And no, you hadn't pissed your pants. But the events of a dream you were having, had had a rather serious effect over you and you had woken up to a full blown orgasm.
But no matter how hard you tried, you could not remember the dream for the life of you.
You blink, regathering your attention and settling it on your friend.
“No.” You say suddenly. “Jungkook doesn't like me.” And it's more of you trying to reassure yourself than anyone else, you turn your head in Seokjin's direction, eyes staring at his. “Mkay?” And you nod. And you turn back to Yoona. “As for you, I know my body. I'm – I'm fine, alright? I have plenty of orgasms--”
The sentence is so obscure, that it's hard for your to finish.
She looks unconvinced, but nevertheless, she nods.
“Yeah. Alright.” She rolls her eyes.
You've just finished your homework early, so you'd have the weekend free, sitting on the couch in your living room, watching a rerun of Friend's. Dressed in your pajamas even if it had only turned eight a few minutes ago, when your phone starts to buzz at a rapid pace.
Meaning three things could have happened:
One: Something serious had occurred.
Two: You had been entered into a group text.
Or three: your nudes had leaked.
Three seemed very unlikely, mostly because you had never taken a nude, so the risk of it leaking was obsolete.
And when you glance to your phone, the pad of your thumb starting to scroll through the notifications you come to face the fact that your second guess was the correct one.
[8:09 PM] You have been added to the group by Toe
[8:09 PM] Yoona<3 has been added to the group by Hobi
[8:10 PM] Joonbug has been added to the group by Hobi
[8:11 PM] Yoongi(?) has been added to the group by Toe
[8:11 PM] Jungkook has been added to the group by Hobi
[8:12 PM] Jin (Joon's Bf) has been added to the group by Toe
You take a moment to glance through the names that are below yours and as your eyes trail over every word, you teeth start to graze your bottom lip. You were only ever added into a group chat when plans were being made, the thought of plans wasn't what made you feel somewhat unsettled, the fact that it was plans on a Wednesday, is what worried you.
Your friend's knew that going out on weekdays was a big fat no in your guide to surviving as a freshman in college. You had been going by a mental list since the beginning of the year, and it was because of your dedication to that list that you had passing grades.
Your thumbs move to the keyboard of your phone, your fingers immediately beginning to type out the first thought that comes to mind:
[8:13 PM] You: oh no, wait a minute
And clearly, judging by Namjoon's message that comes in moments after you've hit send, you're not the only one having major doubts.
[8:13 PM] Joonbug: it's fuCKING WEDNESDAY ARE YOU JOKING????
[8:13 PM] Yoona<3: if this is what I think it is, I am totally in!!
[8:11 PM] Taehyung: yoona you were acc added ur not invited
[8:13 PM] Yoona<3: shut the eff up u cunt
[8:13 PM] Jungkook: wait what is this
[8:13 PM] Jin (Joon's Bf): uhh hi??
[8:14 PM] You: guys it is literally a weekday, y'know I dont go out on weekdays
[8:15 PM] Hobi: pu$$y
[8:16 PM] Yoongi(?): ????
[8:17 PM] Toe: to those of u who r new to our group chat rituals, welcome, me n hobi are gnna go to a big ass fraternity party 2nite, who the hell is in??!??!
You read over his words, and immediately let out a faint tsk. You already knew your answer, and you already knew that the majority of those in the group chat were not going to like it.
Too bad.
They knew your limits.
Your eyebrows raise as you continue to read the responses.
[8:18 PM] Jungkook: sure, im in
[8:19 PM] Yoona<3: depends
[8:19 PM] Hobi: on??
[8:19 PM] Toe: fyeah kook, knew u were cool!!! B)
[8:20 PM] Joonbug: well im not so sure
[8:21 PM] Jin (Joon's Bf): sure, been meaning to see u lot again
[8:21 PM] Joonbug: alright i'll go
You snort, immediately knowing that the only reason Namjoon has decided to actually go to a party, a fraternity, at that, was because of his boyfriend's response.
[8:22 PM] Yoona<3: whether Y/N is gna go or not, I dont wanan be the only girl there this time
You groan. You should have known that Yoona would say something like that.
[8:22 PM] Toe: gr8 so everybody is in??
[8:23 PM] You: I didn't say that?
[8:24 PM] Hobi: ur going
[8:24 PM] Jungkook: Y/N u should go!! it's the perfect excuse to not have to go to psychology tmrw :)
[8:24 PM] Yoona<3: yeah Y/N ;)
You roll your eyes, her winking face sort of confusing you. But you have some sort of suspicion that Jungkook's message has something to do with it.
[8:25 PM] Joonbug: if im going, ur going Y/N
[8:26 PM] Jin (Joon's Bf): Yoongs are u gonna go with us??
[8:26 PM] You: You guys know that going out on weekdays is a major NO for me!!!
[8:27 PM] Yoona<3: remember what we talked about the other day?? this is the most perfect opportunity just for that!!
Your eyes widen at her message, your thumbs moving to twiddle over your keyboard hurriedly, not wanting her to spill anything more.
[8:27 PM] You: and do you not remember my answer???????
[8:27 PM] Joonbug: if you are insinuating what I believe you are, you're fucking gross
[8:28 PM] Toe: wait, what did I miss???? yoona stop corrupting Y/N
[8:28 PM] Yoona<3: oh shut up, taehyung Y/N is a grown woman and has a midn of her own
Oh my god. You think to yourself, running a hand through your hair as a thick sigh leaves your lips.
[8:29 PM] You: if I say that i'll go will you shut the fuck up???
[8:29 PM] Yoona<3: yES
[8:30 PM] You: fine, i'll go
[8:30 PM] Toe: yay!!!!!
[8:30 PM] Hobi: so proud of our little Y/N, growing up n going out on weekdays :')
[8:31 PM] Jungkook: woo woo!! what time???
[8:32 PM] Toe: 10! i'll send the address
[8:34 PM] Yoongi(?): yh, i'll go
And so it had been established, you were going to a fraternity. Your fourth this entire year, and if you learned anything then the events at a fraternity party were always unpredictable.
The house was absolutely extraordinary to say the positively least. It looked like a very miniature white house if you were to describe it, pillars supporting it's upper lever, concrete stairs leading up to a gigantic wrap around porch.
And the party – it was loud, and alive.
You had arrived with Yoona by your side, Taehyung and Hoseok trudging slowly behind the both of you as they took in the sight surrounding them. And you didn't have to look behind you to know that smirks the size of Australia (was Austrailia the right country to use?) were starting to form on their lips.
The texts you had received on the way to the party had notified the four of you that the other four, who had rode together in one vehicle, presumably Yoongi's, had arrived and were already in the house.
It was eleven, or so it had been when you four had stumbled out of Taehyung's car and ventured up the road because there were cars everywhere.
You now stood in the front yard of the party, where multiple other people were about. Either making out, dancing to the loud music, or what it looked to be, a few drunken brawls taking place on the grass. And the smell of something that resembles weed amongst other scents is very potent.
Weed.
You had never tried it before.
You were dressed in a long sleeved sheer lace top, your black bra visible under neath the white of the fabric that adorned your torso so explicitly, a pair of dark high wasted shorts hugged your thighs, and black boots settled on your feet. Your pink hair was curled to your shoulders, courtesy of Yoona, and you hadn’t brought anything but your phone with you. Leaving your housekey in a hiding place somewhere around your apartment.
Your plan was to get shitfaced.
If you were going to be forced to attend a party, you weren't going to be the mother.
“Holy shit.” You hear Yoona say from beside you, and you're at a loss for the words, the only thing being able to leave your lips is a small. “Agreed.”
And then, she's grabbing your hand, pulling you towards the direction of the house. You toss your head over your shoulder, to see if your housemate's were following, and sure enough they were right there. Eyes widened, smiles on their faces.
And you begin to wonder just who they knew, that would invite them to such a party.
The moment you both are pulled into the house, the four of you form a circle.
“Any word from the boy's?” Yoona asks, speaking about the four you all were to meet here.
The party was packed, if the sign of people outside of the house wasn't enough to say so. Music vibrated off of the spacious walls, and open floors, humming through the entirety of the house dangerously. “Kook said they were in the kitchen, getting drinks.” Taehyung responds with a glance down to his phone.
“And to the kitchen, we go!” Yoona shouts, not allowing you to interrupt or suggest something else before she's squeezing you in between the hoards of people in such a beautiful house.
You can tell, from your vision, that there are multiple games going on. Beer pong is being played somewhere to your right, to the left a hoard of people are playing a very adult version game of the childhood activity Twister, and somewhere in the middle you were certain you had seen spin the bottle of some sorts.
Once, you've reached the kitchen you're pushed – and by Yoona of all people. At first you think it's on accident, her clumsiness getting the best of her, but when your eyes flutter to her own and you see the smirk forming loosely on her lips, you're able to come to the conclusion that you had been shoved on purpose.
Speaking of which, you fall so quickly you don't have time to rescue yourself.
You brace yourself for the floor of the kitchen, but instead a pair of arms fly out to catch you. And when you open your eyes, wondering how on Earth you hadn't hit the floor, you come to see none other than Jungkook standing above you, arms wrapped around your waist.
And the corners of his lips lift up into a small smile.
“Well, hello to you too.” He says, as he helps you upwards. Your lips pull up into a slow smile, mimicking the one set on his own.
“Fuck,” you breathe out. “I'm sorry, Yoona's a clumsy cunt at the most random times.”
“That's right!” You hear Yoona bellow from behind you. “Tripped on air! But hey, at least you were there to catch her.”
You turn your head over your shoulder, eyes moving to find her own. And they narrow immediately, a fair warning for her to back the fuck off. Somewhere behind her you see a glimpse of Jin and Namjoon pressed together in the corner, too preoccupied in trying to taste each others mouths to notice that you four had arrived.
But she ignores your glare – completely.
And when you've regained your balance, Jungkook's arms slip from your body.
Your eyes move to the red cup he's grasping in his hand, fingers clenched around the plastic.
“Mh, what's that?” You ask, eyes trained on it.
“Vodka.” He replies, eyes staring into yours. “Sky.”
And that's all you need to hear, before your hand is curling around the cup and you're taking it from him and pressing the rim of the cup to your lips. You toss your head back almost as smoothly as you do the cup, and the remainders of the liquid falls into your mouth and down your throat with a burn.
Once you've swallowed the last of it, you unsquint your eyes, opening them to stare into Jungkook's. “Holy fucking shit that's strong.” You wince, your tongue sticking out as you shake your head in disgust. “And absolutely disgusting.” Your mouth suddenly feels dry.
You've been so concentrated on Jungkook and his alcohol, that you barely notice the person behind him, that is until he's wrapping an arm around Jungkook's neck, and speaking to you.
“That's because it's usually used for shots, but odd ball Kook over here likes the taste of it.”
You stare at Yoongi, and the corners of your lips lift up into a small smile, a greeting. You hadn't spoken to each other since that day in English, no messages had flown between the two of you, but you were positive you both were on a somewhat decent level.
And then you tear your eyes from his dark ones, you turn your attention back to Jungkook. “You're a fucking weirdo, how could you let me drink something so atrocious?”
Jungkook's lips part.
“Hey! It's not like you gave me all that much of a choice.”
You shake your head then, shoving the cup back into this chest.
And you spin around for the first time in a few minutes. Yoona, Hoseok, and Taehyung are walking around the kitchen, cups in their hands as they rummage through their choices of drink.
“If you'll both excuse me, I need something fruity,” your eyes flicker from Yoongi's, the warmth comforting, and then back to Jungkook's, your eyebrows cocking upwards as you finish your sentence. “with flavor!” You yell enthusiastically as you start to trudge towards Yoona.
When you stand beside her, your lips move to hover over her ears you speak.
“Bitch.” You say, and she turns towards you, that smirk reappearing on her lips so easily, you're sure she was made to wear one.
“You're welcome.”
Your teeth glide across your lower lip, eyes rolling in bewilderment.
“I'm not going to sleep with him.” You say. “Not Jungkook.” You shake your head then.
She winks at you teasingly before shoving her cup into your chest. “We'll see about that.”
You shake your head disapprovingly, hand wrapping around the cup as you bring it to your lips.
And something told you that tonight was going to be a long night.
If only you had known.
Tequila had been in the cup she had pressed into your chest, the one you had tossed back effortlessly. And well, you know what they say about tequila, right?
Somehow, you find yourself sitting in a circle with strangers, minus the three other players you know.
Yoona, Taehyung, and Jungkook are scattered around the people as well. There's a bottle in the center, and you are actually playing spin the bottle.
You had been iffy on playing it, but Yoona had forced a few shots down your throat and you immediately realized that the idea wasn't so intolerable after all.
Yoongi, Hoseok, Jin and Namjoon were somewhere off to the side talking about only God knows what. Their noses had scrunched at the mention of such a childish game! Or so, Namjoon had stated for the four of them.
And then it's Taehyung's turn. And if you hadn't been so preoccupied in the game, then perhaps you would have noticed the way Hoseok suddenly grew more interested. Eyes moving to rest over the empty bottle in the middle.
Taehyung leans towards the center, hand grasping the empty body of the bottle and with a quick flick of his wrist, he turns it.
You watch with immense interest as the bottle spins, and spins, and spins and spins until finally, it comes to an abrupt stop.
And when your eyes follow it's target, you and Yoona have the same response. A laugh so loud that it distracts Taehyung and Jungkook's attention. Your hand moves to cover your mouth as you laugh, your head shaking a bit in amusement.
And if it wasn't because the bottle had landed on Jungkook, then it was because of the equally horrified expressions written across both of their faces.
Jungkook's lips part. “D-do we have to?”
You nod your head enthusiastically the same time Yoona says, “It's the rules.”
Taehyung turns his head in Yoona's direction, a glare forming on his lips.
And to your surprise, Jungkook's shoulders lift up into a small shrug. “Well alright.”
And his response seems to take Taehyung by surprise aswell, but if the glaze in Taehyung's eyes says anything, then it's that he's surpassed the amount of alcohol in his system to care who he's going to end up kissing, amongst other things, tonight.
And you watch as Taehyung starts to crawl towards Jungkook, and when they kiss its only a peck, something that makes the circle shout out an assortment of boos, ranging from deep to high. But the two boys are quick to ignore them, and quickly return to their spots in the circle.
Next, it's Yoona's turn, she's sitting directly across from you, and she allows her eyes to flicker around the people in the circle.
You watch as her hand moves to grasp the bottom of the bottle and with a flick of her wrist, she spins it.
Kendrick Lamar's Swimming Pools starts to play on the speakers somewhere in the room, and it's not your favorite song, but the rhythm and the smooth sounding of the music captures your interest. You're wanting to dance, suddenly.
When the bottle stops, you see that it's pointing at you.
And you let out a giggle as your eyes move to Yoona's. Her eyebrows raise, a smile starting to push on the corner of her lips. You glance from her to Taehyung, whose eyes widen a bit in interest, and then to Jungkook's, his expression too seems to be intrigued.
It seemed as though Yoona and you were kissing a lot more lately.
You look back to Yoona, and something twinkles in her eyes, and you can tell what she's saying by the simple cock of her eyebrow.
Wanna give them a show?
And the only thing you can do is nod your head once.
And then Taehyung's speaking.
“Before you ask, yes- it's the rul--”
But before he can finish his sentence, Yoona's already crawling towards the middle, and somehow your body moves to meet hers, and when you're both in close proximity, you close your eyes, your right hand moving to Yoona's cheek. And she seems to surge forward then, lips pressing against yours gently but at the same time in a deep demeanor.
The noise starts to drown out after that, the whoops and hollers from the circle going in one ear and flowing out the other, your entire focus now settling on Yoona.
She tastes like something fruity, a mixture of something cherry and keylime flavored, and she tastes really fucking good.
Her skin is soft, like silk sheets and her lips are sweet.
You find yourself happy that she was your fourth kiss.
One of her hands move to the back of your head, her hand tangling in the strands of your curly hair as she pulls you closer to her. And when she does, she causes your chest to press firmly against her own.
You decide to take the lead then, the tip of your tongue slipping past your own lips as it moves to flick across her bottom lip, and she parts her lips quickly, and you don't waste time before you press you tongue into her mouth, moving it to swipe directly across the roof of her mouth.
And you think, that perhaps, you hear a hushed sound muffle against your own lips, but you can't be sure.
And then someone's speaking, bringing you to your senses.
“Holy shit.”
And that seems to be the thing that tears you both apart, your eyes directing themselves to the speaker, only to find that it's Taehyung.
His eyes are widened, his lips parted a bit.
And when your eyes move to look around the circle, you see that all of the player's eyes had been directed at the kiss you and Yoona has just shared.
And the blush that starts to settle on your cheeks, appears quickly.
You weren't used to so much attention.
And when your eyes land on Jungkook's his expression has changed in some way. His lips are pulled into a narrow line, eyes squinting just a tiny amount, and as you're about to ask him if he's okay, it's like you've just become aware of the heat coursing through your veins.
Min Yoongi was watching you.
But, for how long had he been, and just why had he?
And when you lift your head in his general direction, he's still standing beside Hoseok, Namjoon and Jin, and even though he's nodding along to whatever is coming from Jin's lips, it's obvious that he isn't paying attention, because his eyes are settled on your own.
And the expression on his face is very familiar with the one on Jungkook's.
He holds your gaze, face void of any emotion and it causes the hair on the back of your neck to stand.
Jin starts to realize that the words he's been speaking haven't been registering with Yoongi when he takes a look at his friend and realizes that his eyes, nor body are facing him. So, out of curiosity, his gaze follows Yoongi's, and when his eyes land on yours, his eyebrows cock upwards, obviously his attention has been captured.
And suddenly, the room feels a bit too clustered, and the alcohol in your system feels too little.
So you slowly stand up, your gaze still directed on Yoongi's as you speak.
“I need another drink.” And then you walk away from the small circle and towards the direction of the kitchen.
You're sitting on the countertop of the marble kitchen island that's positioned in the middle of the immaculate and spacious room. A kitchen so formal that it probably cost more than your shared apartment.
Your legs are dangling over the edge of the countertop, a Mike's Hard Lemonade placed in your right hand, your fingers curled around the neck of the cool bottle as your legs swing back and forth mindlessly.
You have a nice buzz going on, and even though you hadn't expected to drink as much as you had so far, you didn't regret it. You had decided that tonight you were in charge of one person and one person only, that being yourself.
You just hoped that you friend's wouldn't get themselves killed the one night they had nobody there to properly take care of them.
Because judging by the amount of alcohol that Jungkook had tossed back throughout the night, he too had decided that he wasn't going to be the babysitter that night either.
You couldn't blame him. Hoseok and Taehyung were a handful, but under the influence of something - they were two handfuls.
You run the tip of your tongue across the front of your teeth, head tilting a bit as you stare at the sink that sits directly in front of you.
The creak of the kitchen door is what catches your attention only by the slightest. Your ears perk up in acknowledgment, and before the door shuts back into place you can hear the hum of Big Sean's Bounce Back, playing in the distance.
And you're not sure if it's the catchments of the song or the alcohol that prompts you to rap along with the song, but you do it.
“Don't owe nobody, owe nobody, always on the fuckin' job I got no hobbies, got the city fuckin' with me cause im homegrown, vibin' out more than my phone though, leave me 'lone, me on my own though!”
After you blurt out the lyrics you suck in a deep breath, a chuckle falling from you lips a moment later after you realized how horrible you must've sounded.
And you would have forgotten that you weren't alone in the kitchen if it wasn't for the sound of two hands moving to clap together slowly from behind you.
You jump just a little, free hand moving to grasp the edge of the counter to keep your balance, your head being thrown over your shoulders and to land on the other person in the kitchen.
And, you don't recognize him.
But the first thing you take notice of that this boy is very attractive.
“You're a little overdressed, aren't you?” You ask, your words venturing out unfiltered, your eyebrow cocking upwards as you wait for a response.
The boy is short, but even so, he's taller than you.
A black choker wrapped around his neck, a magenta colored jacket throw over a long sleeved black button up, and black slacks on his legs. His hair is primarily brown but hues of purple, red, and maybe pink are filtered through the strands, styled to one side more than the other. His lips are large and plump and compliment his tanned skin.
You stare at him openly, and a small smirk casts itself onto his lips when he notices this.
“Maybe you're just underdressed.” He speaks, pads of his fingers moving to press to the surface of the counter top, the edge farthest from you.
And after he speaks, you lift your shoulders up into a small shrug, lips pursing together before you nod your head towards him.
“Perhaps I am.”
And you think that, that's going to be the end of the impending conversation between the two of you, so you turn your attention back to the almost forgotten winecooler in your hands, the pad of your thumb circulating the brim as you move one of your legs to cross over the other.
But, he seems to have a different thought, and you can't say that the idea of continuing to converse with him is all to bad, because he's quite attractive and usually attractive boys don't pay any attention to you.
“What's your name?” He asks, and his voice is louder, meaning he's ventured closer to you, and your thoughts are proven to be correct within the next few seconds because he's now in your peripheral vision, fingertips still moving slowly along the countertop until they reach the edge, his fingers only inches away from where your one hand is curled around the edge.
“My name, hm?” You ask, eyebrow raising. “What's it to you?” And the words that leave your lips are ones you never thought you'd be able to say, ever.
You look up finally, and he's standing a few inches in front of you, his one hand stilling beside your one. He's not standing very close but you're still able to get a whiff of peppermint and whatever cologne he's applied.
He smells good.
You watch as his lips start to form a small o shape, his head shaking side to side. “Oooh, you're so cold.” He says sarcastically, letting out a small chuckle afterward.
He moves his free hand to a few strands of your curled hair, fingers twirling around the locks as he takes a step closer. He still isn't very close, not enough to be invading personal space. But he's close enough for you to understand that if you were sober, you'd be uncomfortable.
But that's just it.
You're not sober.
“But to answer your question, I wanted to know the name of a pretty little thing like you. Was wondering how you could be in here all alone, when you're dressed like that.”
You swear your can feel the intensity of his stare as is travels down your torso.
And before you can stop it, you can feel a rush of heat starting to paint itself red across your cheeks.
Pretty.
He called you pretty.
You weren't pretty.
And something you've heard before starts to run through your mind then.
Something you heard a while ago.
Something like:
The right kind of attention from the wrong person can be dangerous.
But you ignore it, push the fact to the back of your mind for the time being.
You move your leg up and off of the other one, your legs parting just a little amount, he seems to take this as an invitation, moving both of his hands to both of your kneecaps, and without permission, not that you would have let him if you hadn't wanted him to, he spreads you legs enough so he can step between them.
He's closer now.
Close enough that you can see the wet of his lips glistening under the fluorescent lights.
“Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine.” You reply cooly, eyes darting from his lips and to his eyes.
The smirk on his lips only increases them, eyebrows furrowing together as his hands move to settle on your thighs.
“I go by Bambam.”
He moves one of his hands to your cheek, thumb gliding across the skin smoothly. You nod your head, hand curling around your winecooler tighter, fingertips digging into the glass.
“I'm Y/N.”
You watch as his tongue leaves his mouth to wet his skin, and just then you move your wine cooler to your lips, pressing the brim to your bottom lip and allowing the glass to slide across it slowly. “Pretty.” He mutters, and there's that damn word again. His gaze is still focused on where you lift your beverage up just a little, taking a small sip before you move your bottle to the counter beside you, having a feeling it'll be getting in the way sooner than later.
“What's that?” He asks curiously, eyebrows raising.
“Mike's Lemonade.”
You watch as his face contorts, a curious glance staring to overtake his features.
“How's it taste?” He asks, eyes moving to stare down at your lips.
You sink your white teeth into your bottom lip, applying a little amount of pressure as he continues to watch.
You let up then, lips parting as you reply.
“Wanna find out?”
And his eyes flicker to your own, the smirk on his lips only growing.
And then he's tilting this head, eyes shutting a moment after yours do, and then he's moving closer.
You were ready for your fifth kiss.
The distance closes between the two of you.
Closer.
Closer.
Until-
“Bam, what the fuck's taking you so lo- Seriously?” A new voice speaks, startling the two of you.
Bambam tenses immediately, body suddenly going still, but he doesn't part away from you at all, not in the least bit. When you open your eyes, you find that the voice is not coming from the door behind you, but rather the other door, the one clearly in your view.
And your eyes move to stare into this mystery boy's.
Bambam turns his head over his shoulder, eyes staring directly into the boy's.
“Can't you see I'm busy?” He asks, with a snap, obviously irked at being interrupted.
The boy lets out a groan, eyes rolling before he waves his hand in your general direction. “Can't you see who the fuck that is?”
Your eyebrows furrowing to push together as you take a closer look at the boy. But, he doesn't look familiar, so why was he speaking of you like he knew you?
“Yeah,” Bambam barks out. “A really pretty girl, so the fuck what?” He turns his attention back to you for a moment, a smile pushing at the corner of his lips, before his attention settled back on the stranger.
“You really don't recognize her?” He asks a moment later, prompting Bambam to take another look at you.
This time his eyes slowly study your face, eyes racking over ever feature on it. And a moment later he still shakes his head, turning back to his friend.
“Jesus christ.” The boy says, taking a step inside. “Pretty sure she's the one Jungkook was gonna introduce us to. The one that comes around with Taehyung and Hoseok to our dance practices.”
This causes Bambam to tense up again, shoulders raising a bit as he lets the other boy's words sink in. “You mean the one that---”
He gets interrupted by a stern look.
“Yeah, that one.” He says, and the way he talks about you as if you're a thing, rather than a person irks you the least bit.
“You guy's are friend's with Hoseok and Jungkook?” You ask anyway, eyes directing to the boy standing in the threshold of the kitchen door.
Bambam takes a step back, like he now had just been aware of how close he was standing to you, hands moving from your thighs to dangle by his sides.
“Yeah, we're in the same dance class. Jungkook and Gyeom over there go way back.” Bambam says, thumb moving to point behind him towards “Gyeom.”
You can't help but to think that the name sounds oddly familiar.
“We were meant to meet you sometime last week, but Jungkook, being the dipshit he was hadn't bothered to invite you out, just thought you'd show or something since Tae and Hoseok were going.” Gyeom says, taking another step into the kitchen.
Before someone else can get a word in, the kitchen door is being opened again and in stumbles the man himself. Jungkook walks in the same door Gyeom just had, his lips parting as his eyes land on yours.
“Oh Y/N, there you are.” He says, a small smile forming on his lips. But he then glances towards Gyeom and the boy standing a few feet in front of you. His eyes suddenly narrowing a little as he notices the close proximity between the two of you.
Bambam's lips part suddenly, “Sorry Kook, didn't know who she was--”
But you interrupt, wanting to clear the confusion.
“Jungkook and I aren't dating, guys.” You say, eyes flickering from Bambam's and to Gyeom's. “Just friend's, no need to apologize.” And then you're scooting and jump off of the kitchen counter.
“Oh, we know.” Gyeom says, with a hint of something in his voice, this prompts a subtle yet firm jab to the stomach coming from Jungkook.
“Shut up, would you?”
Jungkook's eyes move to Bambam's.
“Did you get it?” He asks, suddenly, causing Bambam to shake his head.
“Was a little preoccupi--” but his lips fall shut at the look he receives. “No, I'll get it now.”
You lean back against the kitchen island, hand moving to grasp your drink.
“Get what?” You ask curiously, eyebrows raising as your interest is peaked.
Gyeom just smirks, as Jungkook tilts his head a little.
“Nothing you'd be interested in.” He replies, and he doesn't say it in a mean way, not in the least bit, in a matter of fact sort of way.
“Hey now, Kook, don't be an ass.” Gyeom says from beside him, arm moving to wrap around Jungkook's neck.
“You smoke?” He asks, eyebrows raising.
You shake your head, knowing that they weren't talking about cigarettes.
“See.” Jungkook says to you, but you only smile, a thought coming to your mind.
“Doesn't mean I haven't wanted to.”
This causes his attention to resettle on you, eyebrows raising a tad.
“Oh really?” Gyeom asks.
Bambam's walked to the fridge, and retracted a cookie jar from the top of it, and when he pulls out two blunts from the jar with a lighter, you're not very surprised in the least amount.
“Well then, today's your lucky day.” Bambam says, head tilting a little as he turns back towards you.
And well, what they should have told you before you had followed them to an empty bedroom upstairs is that weed and alcohol do not mix well.
Because one of those substances is enough to fuck with your mindset for a bit, but the two of them combined is enough to make you do things you would have never done.
And as you are lead up the stairs by two boys, Jungkook following close behind you, you're too buzzed too notice that the heat coursing through your veins is not coming from the alcohol or bursts of adrenaline.
“So you press the end of it to your lips just like this.” Gyeom says, as he demonstrates. “Suck on it for a few seconds.” His lips move to press to the end of the newly lit joint, and he does just as he had said. He sucks on the end, before retracting it from his lips and blowing the air out of his mouth.
You watch intently, not wanting to fuck up on your first try.
You four are sitting in a circle in a bedroom of the house, one that you think just might be Bambam's. The room is dimly lit, a lamp sat in the corner of the room brightening up only a portion of the large room. The windows are opened to let the smoke out, and Bambam had stuffed a blanket under the door where the gap between wood and carpet is, when you had asked him why, he had just smirked towards you.
“If they smell it, they are gonna want it. And I'm not in the mood to share with anyone else.”
You had just nodded, a giggle leaving your lips.
Yugyeom breathes out the smoke, nose scrunching up a tad before he passes it to Bambam who sits beside him.
Bambam takes it between his forefinger and thumb, nodding his head towards his friend before pressing the end to his lips.
“So, how did you and Kook meet?” Gyeom asks from across from you.
“Through mutual friend's.” You say, not giving Jungkook the time to respond. “You guys?” You ask, as Bambam takes a second hit off the joint.
“Friend's since highschool.” He nods towards the boy in question.
You turn your attention to Jungkook, only to find that he's already staring at you. And when your eyes meet his, he blinks, shaking his head a bit as if to get out of a trance. You think you hear Gyeom snort in the background, but you can't be for sure.
“Yeah.' Jungkook says. “That's right.”
“Here.” Bambam says from beside you, and when you turn your attention towards him, it's to find him extending an arm towards you, the joint in between his fingers.
You take it the way he had. Between your pointer finger and thumb, holding it steadily. And suddenly you have the full attention of all three boys in the room, three pairs of eyes settling on you as you copy Gyeom's and Bambam's action and move the joint to your lips.
You start off with your eyes on Gyeom's, pressing the tip of the joint in between your lips, your eyes fall to Bambam's as you move your fingers to the middle of the joint, and your eyes move to Jungkook's as you slowly start to suck on it.
Your lips wrap around it slowly as you inhale the smoke, and to your utmost surprise you don't fuck up your first joint.
You should have figured that the amount of alcohol coursing through Jungkook's and your veins probably made the action of you sucking on a joint far more sensual than it should have been. Your eyes fall back to the boy across from you as you remove the substance from your mouth, and then you slowly blow the smoke out.
And after your first and successful hit, you are rewarded with a round of applause from each boy, causing you to bust out in a fit of giggles, half due to embarrassment, half because of the liquid courage.
And then, just like the others before you, you pass it to Jungkook. Only, he doesn't grab it from you, but instead ducks his head down a little, his lips parting and his eyes remaining on yours as he takes the end of it into this mouth.
The action causes your eyebrow to raise curiously, not quite understanding why he had decided to take possession of it, quite like that. But you weren't worried.
But the moments seem to slow as your eyes connect, and when he doesn't bother to look away you feel something inside of you change.
Something you don't think you've felt quite before.
Or, remember feeling, that is.
After a few seconds, you retrieve the joint from his lips, allowing him to blow out the smoke that had gathered inside of his mouth.
And then you pass it anticlockwise, moving it back to Bambam who takes it graciously. All worries starting to subside as the high starts to affect your body. Your one hit, was not enough to get you high, but the smoke gathering in the room and being blown into the small circle was enough to give you somewhat of a contact high.
“So, Y/N.” Bambam says as he passes the joint back to Yugyeom, who accepts it quickly.
“Mhm?” You ask, your attention moving to the boy to your right.
“Have you got yourself a boyfriend?” He asks, causing you to shake your head. “No? What about a girlfriend?” You shake your head once more.
“But you were making out with someone earlier to--” You interrupt with a small chuckle, your head shaking as you giggle.
“That was my friend, and it was spin the bottle. Jungkook kissed Taehyung, didn't you see?” You ask, your eyebrow cocking upwards as the words leave your lips.
“Yeah, he did. But I was more interested in the two girls kissing than the two boys.” He replies, causing your eyes to roll a little.
“--Hey, speaking of games. We should play one.” Gyeom says from across from you, after passing the blunt to Jungkook.
You shrug your shoulders up, head nodding a little.
“I'm game.”
“Me too.” Bambam adds.
You look to Jungkook, and there's an unreadable expression settling on his features, like he's torn. Like, perhaps, he doesn't exactly trust his friend's. But, nevertheless, he complies with a nod of his head.
Taking a slow, drawn out hit, before he passes it to you.
You accept it, moving it to the seam of your lips as they start to throw out game suggestions.
Someone, you don't remember who, you think that it was Bambam throws out the game suggestion suck and blow, and your eyebrows raise immediately, you've never heard of this game but from the sounds of it, it did not sound like something you'd wanna play.
Your face must say what your mouth does not, because across from you Gyeom starts to laugh horrendously, his head shaking a little as he puts out what remains of the first joint. The second still untouched and lingering somewhere in the room.
“I know it sounds fuckin' sexual but it's not, Y/N.” Bambam says in a deep voice. “Allow me to demonstrate.” And then he stands up and stalks to the desk, so you were right, it had to be have been his room. And he searches for something you're not quite sure of, until he turns around, white index card secure in between his fingertips.
“Yugyeom.” He says, attention faltering from yours and moving to direct to the aforementioned boy.
And again, that name sounds so familiar.
“Care to demonstrate?” He asks, Yugyeom doesn't appear to care, because he stands up with a breath, allowing Bambam to stalk over towards him.
“Object of the game is to pass the card in between each player, but only by mouth, you can't use your hands or any other part of your body. Watch and learn.” Bambam says, bowing his head towards you, causing you to let out a playful giggle.
He presses the middle of the index card to his lips, beginning to suck on the paper as he moves towards Yugyeom, he blows it just a bit, Yugyeom's lips landing on the middle of it, the opposite side, lips sucking to hold it in place. Once they've demonstrated, they turn towards you, eyebrows raising.
You lift your shoulders upwards then, not seeing the harm in such a game.
“I'm in.” You say, a smile lifting at the corner of your lips.
“Wait--” Jungkook says from beside you, gathering the three pairs of eyes in the room. “What happens if the paper drops?”
You miss the mischievous smile that lifts at the corner of Bambam's lips.
“Usually, you'd be out or you'd have to take a shot. But considering the booze is downstairs, and there are only four of us, I say we make it more interesting.”
You turn your head back towards him.
“If you drop the paper, you have to remove an article of clothing.”
Your eyes widen significantly at the thought of having to remove any item of clothing. You shiver from the thought, though the alcohol and drug in your system stirs your mind to ask, “What's the harm in that? It'll be fun.”
“Uh- no way.” Jungkook says, head shaking obviously. “I bet that makes Y/N a little uncomfortable.” He turns his head in your direction, eyebrows cocking upwards as if it ask for your agreement, but you wait, taking a moment to fight your thoughts.
You could agree, you could dismiss the idea entirely. You had always played it safe, not daring to do anything that made you uncomfortable in the least amount. But, something, more than likely the mix of the substances coursing through your mind causes you to hesitate.
Throughout your entire life you had never come out of your shell, or so it felt like. You had not done anything you could quite consider fun. When were you going to start living and not just surviving?
“Well,” you say, almost not believing your decision as you turn your head to the two boys standing across from each other.
“I'm in.” Your reply earns you a few hoots from the two high boys, and a bewildered expression coming from Jungkook.
You shrug your shoulders towards him when he cocks an eyebrow. That being your only form of response before you're standing yourself up and walking towards where Bambam and Yugyeom stand.
“You playing or what, Kook?” Bambam asks from beside you, head turning in his direction. A silent conversation formed through expressions is what they pass, and you think that maybe, just maybe, Bambam tilts his head in your direction as if it to indicate you for some unknown reason.
“What the hell.” Jungkook says a moment later, and you don't have time to look towards him before he's standing up, nodding his head. “Fine, I'll play, but-” he stops, head turning to face yours. “don't cry when you start losing and have to strip.”
The corner of your lip tugs upwards into a slow smirk, your head shaking a bit. Apparently, Jungkook did not know you as well as he thought he did.
Because if it's one thing you were good at, it was getting your way.
Winning couldn't be that different, right?
And so, the game begins..
A/N- Fuck, was this long or what? But I feel like you all deserved a long ass chapter. I hope it was enjoyable and wasn't well – horrible. Please, let me know your thoughts. Feedback is always welcomed! Also, I've only ever been to one party before, I literally got dragged there by my bestfriend and spend the entirety of the night taking care of a drunk girl who liked to sit on counter tops, avoiding older boys, or petting the cat because the people there were dumb and I didn't know any of them.
There were a lot of other things I was going to add, but it's all ??? disappeared, so I'm going to go. Please, remember to eat and stay hydrated, get good sleep, study for tests and take your medication if you need to! I love you all so so so much.
(PS) CAN YOU BELIEVE OUR BABIES WON A BILLBOARD?
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BTS members' reactions when you have cramps | them as your boyfriend
this is kind of a rush but still, i hope you enjoy and pls don’t let this flop. thank you
TW: This includes some bad language.
. Requests are open but do note that I only write fluff and angst.
. Please ignore any grammatical errors or mistakes. I don't usually proofread.
. Please refrain from plagiarism and copying my work. If inspired to my work, please DO credit me always.
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. Before you read this, please note that everything in this is NOT real and all fictional. This is based on my imagination and entertainment purposes only. If you don't want to read, please feel free to scroll and leave this. I hope you enjoy this!
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Kim Namjoon:
"Ugh.. my cramps are such bitches" You told to yourself as you sat on the couch. The door rang it means, Namjoon is already home.
"Love, I bought some new clothes for us to wear at the party this weekend!" He said and went to the living room, saw you in the couch. It looks like you were in pain...
He softly spoke to me while sitting on the couch beside me, "Y/N are you alright? It seems like your not.."
You finally spoke, looking at him, "Joon, I got cramps today and it's such a bitch for making me in pain"
"Don't swear, my love." He reminded me like all the time whenever I swear.
"Joonie, I'm already 24." You said at Namjoon.
"Fine, fine. I'll get some food for you to eat and to calm your swearing down" He chucked at me.
"Okay, Thanks Joon. I love you"
"I love you too"
Kim Seokjin:
You are currently lying on your bed because you have some cramps today which you didn't expect to come.
Your boyfriend, Jin called you and you answered the call ringing on your phone,
"Y/N My baby, How are you? I still have work to do here so I'll be at home by 10" He said during the call.
"Oh ah.. Jin, I- I have cramps right now and it's a lot of pain. But, never mind it's okay" You spoke.
"Wait! Ah, just stay there. I'll go home now"
"Huh? Jin- You don't have to-"
"It's fine to me, Y/N. I'll just continue my work at home so I can cook you my delicious recipes to make your cramps go go away" Both of us laughed and now you said to him,
"Thank you, Seokjin. Love you"
"Love you too"
Min Yoongi:
You right now are having cramps so you messaged Yoongi.
My everything <3 - XXXXXXXX
Y/N: Yoongi...
Yoongi: Yes-?
Y/N: My cramps are you know.. I'm in such pain right now :( "
Yoongi: Oh, Don't worry, The pain will ease soon. Do you want some- maybe chocolates to cheer you up ? I'll bring them to your house then"
Y/N: Sure, thanks, Yoongi. Ily <3"
Yoongi: I love you more Y/N :) "
Jung Hoseok:
"Hi honey ~ I finished my shift for today!" Jhope exclaimed while walking towards to our bedroom.
I weakly spoke, "Ah.. that's great, love. You should get some sleep now"
"Hmm, Y/N, I won't sleep first"
"Why Hobi?"
"I know your having cramps so I'll give kisses and cuddles for you tonight" He softly smiled while he said his statement to me.
"Oh- okay, but even though you're exhausted already?"
"Exhausted? That's not on my vocabulary when it comes to my future wifey" He said while showing his sunshine smile to me.
I also smiled back at him, of course.
He went up to me and cuddled me plus with kisses to make me fall asleep and forget the cramps. A few minutes later ~
Hobi whispered while admiring my cuteness and adorableness during my sleep,
"I love you, y/nie"
Park Jimin:
"Baby, I'm here now ~" Jimin called you but you didn't answer back even when you wanted to because of your painful cramps.
"Y/N? Are you there?" He asked, I heard from the other room searching for you. You heard the door of your room opening up, revealing Jimin.
"My love is in pain..?" He softly concerned to me.
I replied back, "Oh, well yeah.. my cramps are painful, Jimin ssi"
"I'm here now so your jiminie is here to comfort you ~" He replied with a soft voice to comfort me while I'm in such pain.
Jimin hugged you and kissed your forehead and leaves some tiny and cute pecks to your face while caressing your lower abdomen softly to ease the pain slowly.
"I love you ~"
"I love you too, Park Jimin"
Kim Taehyung:
"Y/N? Can you help me out with these?" Taehyung called you for help, you were about to go out of the living room to the kitchen then suddenly-
"Ah- shit. Cramps." You whispered to yourself.
Taehyung decided to check you out and saw you, "Are you alright? Do I need to-"
I cut him off by his over-protective personality which is one of the reasons I'm in love with him, "Yes, yes I'm fine Tae. It's just the sudden cramps."
"Okay.. I'll just get the hot bag in our room to help you out with the cramps" He said directly to me.
I said back, "Love you, Kim Taehyung."
A bright smile appeared to his face and said "I love you more" to you.
Jeon Jungkook:
I'm now cooking food for me and my boyfriend, Jeon Jungkook.
"Kook! Food is ready" I said, he is playing video games online with his hyungs now.
"Coming!" He answered back.
I smiled at his statement. A few minutes later, he finally came.
"Y/N! Guess what?!"
"What is it, koo?" I questioned him.
"I won 5 rounds in a row along with the help with the hyungs!!" He exclaimed at me showing his bunny smile at me which made me smile too.
He went to me and hugged me,
"Jungkook, my- ouch"
"Oh I'm sorry y/nie, I just got so excited and happy.. I didn't mean to hurt you"
"It's okay kook, It's the cramps that hurt me, not you"
"Ohh then, let's eat first and let's watch some netflix and chill together, ay?"
"Sure, Jungkook. I'd love that! I love ya"
"I love ya too my future Mrs. Jeon"
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@ stillwithkook7
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UPSIDE DOWN | JJK Mini Series
SUMMARY
When the love as gentle and sinking as slow dance turned into something bewildering and far beyond sanity.
SNEAK PEEK [ dialogue ver ]
"I'm not afraid of death, y/n"
"I'm afraid of being separated from you."
"Just say it once that you love me, and you're scared of my status, I swear I'll fight the world for you."
"You're not the match for my son, little lady. I expect someone of his standard."
"Leave him."
"So this how it feels when the world around you collapses."
"How long would you search for her, dear? How long?"
"As long as I'm breathing Muma."
"You belong to me, in my arms! We're united. Where did you even try to go? From whom? Me!? "
"We don't belong together, we're not united, not anymore."
"The fuck you just said!?" He roared, absolutely ferocious. You wide eyed looked at the man towering over your frail form, he looked anything but normal. He appeared like a madman, a raging animal who'd been hidden beneath those gleeful charcoal eyes and smiling lips alluring you foreseen whatever he'd show you.
Or were you too naive to fool?
You refused to believe he's that same Jungkook, to your greatest displease the cause this heart still flutters.
You can't tell if you've ever argued with the said man.
Hence here he stood proving you wrong every fucking time you'd predict the sensible man would return and spare you.
• • •
Pairing | Politician Jungkook × Reader
Fandom | Dark Romance
Warning | 18+ ( mention of self harm, anger management issue, mental illness, DID/ Multiple Personality Disorder, alcohol, stalking, age gap, yandere, dark, tragic, smut )
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DO NOT COPY. ANY PART OF THE PUBLICATION
NOTE
This is an angst themed story so do expect the end to be a tragedy. Pls respect my decision and not ask for alternative ending. Not intended for sensitive readers, if you still wanna risk (;
English isn't my first language so there might be grammatical faults.
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Hey thanks for the follow! Just a heads up, I don’t really post anything so it’s 💯 ok if you wanna unfollow! Also airplane pt 2 rlly wrecked me 😔😔 jk was HOTTT, and the dialogue was so clever and juicy, and the ending literally had me SQUEALING!!!! I’m so psyched for pt 2 💗💗💗
thank you so much! i hope you guys like it. the whole thing is a little wild so thanks for going on this ride with me lol 💜 also i try to follow folks who follow me, that’s just how i like to do!
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rough | sj
↳ pairing seokjin x you
↳ genre domestic, fluff, slice of life, heir!seokjin, husband!seokjin, established relationship
↳ words 2.7k
↳ summary again seokjin’s conglomerate family comes in between your marriage, but this time, seokjin will not stay silent
↳ song lauv ‘love like that’
↳ author’s note the 7-day writing challenge continues with seokjin! <3
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Blanket rustling. A hand clamored on the vibrating alarm. A silhouette of a broad shoulder of a man sat awake on the edge of the bed, clicking his neck right and left. Seokjin rubs the back of his neck. He slid the indoor slippers on, walked wobbly around the king-sized bed, leaving the striped curtain down for his wife to sleep longer. Hand on the knob to the bathroom, he splashes water on his face. With the tips of his hair wet, he brushed his teeth. The morning always begins the same way from Seokjin. He is up by 6am, he does all his morning necessities, plants a kiss on the wife’s cheek and checks out the daughter in the next room. Once he has gotten a good look and the situation is unalarming, he proceeds to the kitchen. He looked at a post-it note placed on the fridge door, and today, his wife wanted to take kimchi fried rice with egg to the office for lunch.
Easy. I can do that. He thought.
Lily, his 7 years old daughter is still asleep. Overnight yoghurt is ready for her. For his wife, she would have something warm. So he took out a bowl and poured a cup of oats inside, meanwhile the coffee was brewing as it was set to start brewing at about 6:15am in the morning, everyday. Coffee is the most important beverage to start the day. Without it, civilization might not even exist. Seokjin thought as his lips embraced the warm hug of the energizing liquid, downing a sip, cascading down his parched throat. He let out a satisfied sigh. The curtain in the living room is drawn open even before the sun is up. The cold air of the morning had fogged the glass window but with a click of a button, it cleared. Seokjin begin fluffing the cushion on the sofa, fix the runner on the coffee table and cleared the kitchen counter ready for breakfast. It’s almost 6.45am. You’ll be up and you would wake Lily right after. But before that, you will steal his coffee mug.
“Morning to you too,” he monotonously said while you grab his mug from his hand.
“I hate Mondays…” You grumbled.
“But today is Tuesday…” he corrected you, glancing at the digital calendar on the fridge.
“A second monday is no different,” You placed the mug down, and leaned on his arm.
“What time did you sleep last night?” he asked, shaking his arm sporadically to keep you awake because it seemed that you snoozed on them.
“Late, late…” you muttered.
Because of that, Seokjin offered to wake Lily this time around. But only today. Lily is draped over her father’s able body as he walks around, getting the laundries to run so he could dry them on time before the noon drama begins. You are in the shower, still whining about having to leave for work, trashing and sighing and whatever adults do when they have to work to get the bills paid. Sitting in your bathrobe, Seokjin had your oatmeal ready. Lily is on his lap while he fed her overnight yoghurt. She has school this morning, online classes. Lily always had a soft spot for her dad. Technically, he’s mom. He’s the one at home while the mom works. He teaches vocal lessons online after the virus decided to return to the community. He doesn’t really prefer online classes, literally no one does. It’s just not the same. You on the other hand, would have preferred working at home instead. If only you could bring those machines home. The vaccine development is in its pilot state, and there are so many things to be done. Your present is required in all the meetings.
Yesterday, you were up late to decipher the most recent problem your team encountered. The DNAs are denatured when it is transferred into the carrier and no matter how much you argued, (how impossible it was to happen) since there was no presence of heat at all to have caused the denature, it happened anyways.
“Phones off the table please, mummy…” Seokjin warned.
Typing frantically a few more sentences, your phone is taken away by your husband and set on the side table, mere an arm length away. Lily watches in silence and while you wretched in silent agony.
“What’s happened?” Seokjin asked.
Telling him everything, explaining it in simple words. Your animated way of telling stories comes in beneficial today, even Lily is engaged. Then the shoulders dropped. The tone mellows and your lips begin to mumble when you hit the no-answer part of the story, the part where it leaves you stuck.
“And I don’t know what to do to fix that particular mishap…”
Seokjin pursed his lips. That’s when Lily reached her little arms out to you.
“It’s okay, mummy. You’ll find a way to do it today…” She even pats your knuckle while at it. You switched your palm upward and held her hand. Seokjin smiled proudly at her, and kissed her hard on the head. You both shared a look across the kitchen counter, and you know you both are thinking of the same thing; Lily surely is an angel. She may be 7, but she doesn’t know just how much that meant to you. You will walk the headquarters today, a lot more confident than you did yesterday, and when you are confident, you are able to look through windows that are otherwise shut. That reminds you of Seokjin truly. He just always had so much faith in you that even if you don’t have it in you, you would think you do just because he believed so.
He hands you your lunch by the door. A hug for a minute every day, therapists say, would be good for the mind, body and soul. Sometimes it drags longer than that, depending on the severity of the situation. But he smells like bed and toothpaste in the morning, with his little bed hair that you wouldn’t mind doing it for an hour. Lily leans down for a kiss on the cheek and she hands you a facemask before you leave while Seokjin hands you the car key. Usually he would drive you to work and fetch you home but since both of his classes and Lily’s are online, there’s no need to go back and forth, exposing themselves to the virus even more while being out. You would like it better if they never had to leave home. Lily waves you goodbye from the door and Seokjin watches you leave with a smile stuck on his face. And you looked back thinking, the year may have taken a number of things, but they’ve also strengthened the little family you have.
Walking in with a comfortable glide by the lounge of the already bustling office, wait… Bustling? Everyone rushed in and out pushing carts of files and trays. Even the decors are being moved about. What is going on? You tilted your head to one side and looked for a familiar face. But seeing no one you know, you opened the door to your office and dialled Yoongi, your trustee alliance in the building. He answered with a cocky huff, “You don’t know? The investors are coming in today!”
Yoongi can be all kinds of things, but lying isn’t one. It was not impossible for investors to come in without a proper walkthrough towards the manufacture of the vaccine but, isn’t this way too early?
“I think they’re antsy, the economy is at its lowest this time of day and they want profit… Capitalists,” Yoongi swings in with his coffee mug.
“I thought this would be on Friday, I would have had everything ready on Friday,” you fussed, shifting papers and files, frantically typing on last modifications on the presentation you had prepared.
“That, you could blame your rookie assistant, the new boy, what’s his name,” Yoongi clicked his tongue, proceeds to think hard.
“Yeonjun?”
“Yes, Yeonjun. He got the time zone all wrong…”
You shut your eyes in agony. Noticing your silence, Yoongi took a seat in front of, swivel in the chair in the behaviour of an heir to a convenient store chain, before stopping dead in front of you, voice deeper than the sea.
“Mrs. Kim,” he said, “Aren’t you afraid?
“Of what?”
“The investors that are coming are Astra Pharmaceutics…”
“So?”
“They’re linked to your in-laws medical centres… before your marriage with Kim Seokjin.”
Astra Pharma. It is a joint company orchestrated by your father-in-law, their first ever attempt to venture into the medical line. How could you forget the name of the company? Astra Pharma is owned by a powerful chaebol Kim clan, one of which Seokjin grew up with. They have a daughter that they wanted Seokjin to marry with. That was 10 years ago, which means that that daughter is going to pioneer the company now, and her name is Kim Yoojin. Every year she sends a bouquet of flowers to Seokjin’s family restaurant on New Year's. She never missed any stores that Seokjin family opens.
Yoongi searched her name on Naver for you. She is standing on the patio, giving out speeches. It most certainly didn’t help that she is elegant, stunning and charismatic. Even as she walked into the meeting room right now, with her entourage. She really wants to talk business. And you know nothing about that. Your defenses are science, your core is pharmaceutical and your strength is knowledge. If she begins a financial jargon with you, you will be making a fool out of yourself. Somehow, knowing that she is the preferred daughter-in-law, makes it even worse.
No room for mistakes.
Dial tone, and again, unanswered.
“Where could mummy be…” Seokjin hums.
“A meeting probably…” Lily replied.
Seokjin gapes his mouth open to have his daughter feed him a biscuit. Lily, being a little rascal refuses to give up her biscuits.
“That’s right, that’s how I raised you, don’t share unless you get something too,” Seokjin joked around. Seokjin might have left the stove running when he answered a call from his mother. Lily was drawing on the dining table, waiting for her next online class. She is to take pictures of her drawings and send them to her teacher. Seokjin returns to the kitchen, placing the phone sandwiched between his shoulder and ear.
“Son,” she began, “Why don’t you take your wife to a resort this weekend so Lily could spend the weekend with her grandparents here in Hannam… wouldn’t that be nice?”
Seokjin squeezed his eyes, and set down that spatula.
“Mom….” he warned, “Is there something else you would like to tell me?”
After hearing what his mother had to say, Seokjin rushed out the door along with Lily, driving down the white Palisade to Hannam mansion where his mother was waiting outside. Seokjin drops Lily and rushes inside the mansion to grab a few more things. But before he leaves, he locks his eyes on his mother and says with utmost firmness, “You and I will have to talk after I get this settled.” His mother gave him a stricken smile while Lily smiled wickedly at her father. Blue Lamborghini, Aventador S engine roars as it sped out the garage door. Seokjin pulls down the window to speak to his daughter, “Behave, or else…” Lily gave out an ‘OK’ sign with her fingers.
The luxurious car then sped out into the street.
There weren’t any mistakes. Any investors coming would have been persuaded by the way you carry the presentation. The marketing strategy and pilot scale up plans are concise and rectified. The points are delivered extensively and with proper explanation. However, when you were prepared for scientific questions and whatnot, you come to realise that the CEO of Astra Pharma was interested in anything but science.
“How is Kim Seokjin?”
Everyone else in the room was taken aback by the strangely intimate question posed on a vaccine presentation. It was out of line and obviously, out of place. Even as a person as wealthy as her. Not only was it a deliberate display of her unprofessionalism, she was also bringing down her company’s image. It’s like she is ready to overturn the hard work her parents put into raising her, for a man who is married to someone else.
“He is… perfectly well, though I am not sure what’s that has got to do with our topic of discussion for today…”
You mumbled the last few words to yourself. What is she doing? What is she thinking of doing? Steal Seokjin back? If that’s her intention, then it's the worst strategy she could ever come up with. Not only would it fail her immensely, Seokjin will literally drag her and her family’s face down in the dirt for even trying to tear his family apart. You know him enough to know that he would fight the world for his wife and kids. Hence, that’s why you couldn’t understand Yoojin’s motive to bring this all up, ten years after. Is she trying to embarrass you? In the middle of a presentation filled by scientists who care nothing about the personal lives of one of their own? She is only making a fool out of herself, despite her money.
“You must have been so confused… as to why I brought up your husband in this…” she stood up in her Swarovski studded heels. She made her way to you around the table, enticing everyone in the room with her walk and her words.
“No, I am confused as to why a company like yours is interested in investing in the same exact study your own university is working on. It’s like buying the exact same cows doing the exact same thing, producing the exact type of product with twice the price,” you tracted.
“I guess that’s why he liked you,” she looks down to the floor and up the ceiling with a cunning smile, “You’re a sheep in the pack of wolves.” She locked her hyena-like eyes to you. The hair in the back of your neck stood up. You have no idea what she meant by that.
“I am investing for you to stop. Your formula is bound to fail anyways. So before the company suffers any more losses due to your incompetence, I suggest you halt all activity and let the high rollers play the game. This field is not for amateurs.”
“I think you might have forgotten that I am a scientist, not a businesswomen. Your concern is not mine to worry. My job is to get to my vaccines and make sure it works, and that’s what I’m paid to do. Whether or not you invested, is none of my concerns.”
You collected your things on the desk. And she smiled wickedly,
“Well then, you leave me no choice, I will have to sue you for forging the templates my company has patented…”
“How do you sue me for fraud if I don’t do any forging?”
“You’re surely a meek girl… Seokjin will have to cushion the blow with an expensive legal fee now don’t he?”
Was there a mole in the company? Yoongi walks in. Along with Seokjin.
“Tell them what you did,” Seokjin said, and then, “Tell them what you did!” He thundered.
Yoongi confessed to stealing the documents and making it seem like it was forged. He also sent the emails and had them edited so the dates were wrong. He was paid handsomely by Astra Pharma to send all updates on the formula which then led the pharma company to imitate the make-ups protein-by-protein. He used the friendship he had established with you to gain all access to your files. He also confessed that he refused to continue doing it and when he decided to pull the plugs from Astra Pharma, Astra Pharma threatened him. He had no choice but to abide to the play Yoojin wanted orchestrated. When it was clear what Yoojin actually wanted (to spill dirt on your name so she could feel above you for once in her life after she lost Seokjin), Yoongi decided to come clean. He came to Seokjin’s mother and begged for forgiveness, because it was through her that he had gotten a job in your pharma company.
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Seokjin leans on his blue lamborghini, waiting for you to come outside. He has his Raybans on and a black bomber jacket over a white tee.
“Are you mad at my family?”
“Won’t you be?”
The car door lifts up and you climb in.
“You should have just married her and this all could have been avoided.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
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Copyright © january 5th, 2021 namjoonchronicles do not repost, and thank you for reading!
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