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sunrisemill · 2 months

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✮From the start✮ pt.3

Chris and y/n have always been inseparable, they’ve always relied on each other but what happens when one of them falls?

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.4 Finale

Chris’ pov

(2 months ago)

I toss and turn in my bed but can’t shake off this horrible feeling. She's been acting weird and distant lately, I feel like I don't know her anymore…are we still friends? The other day we were watching a movie on my couch, and she looked so sleepy. I couldn't help myself, I put my arm around her and the only way I could describe the look on her was pure horror. Did I do something wrong? Did I go too far? Did I smell or something? I groan into my pillow as those thoughts flood my brain. I have to talk to her. I rip the blanket off of my body and slowly sit up “Alright Grandpa. Do you need help with that?” I feel my lips curl up into a small smile at the memory. She never did give me a break, god forbid I'd let out the TINIEST noise bending over “You okay Grandpa?.” “Do I need to take you to the nursing home already?” Her voice rings through my head as I stand up, I glance over at the alarm clock on my bedside table, 12:22 it reads. God, I hope she’s awake. I can't go on like this anymore.

~~~~~

“Y/n.” I whisper-shout as I stand below her window. I know she’s up cause she has her lamp on “I bet she’s blasting her music, that girl’s gonna go deaf.” I grumble to myself. I smirk as an idea comes to mind, I pick up a small pebble and throw it towards her window creating a small tap noise. “Oh, my precious Y/n. I cannot bear another second without your gracious company.” I say in the most dramatic tone I can come up with. Not long after that I hear the sound of a squeaky window being opened. “Now what the actual hell was that?” I grin as she pokes her head out of the window. God, she looks beautiful… “what? I thought you liked corny shit like that. You're always making me watch that cheesy ass rom-com, what was it now… 12 going on 22?” I ask in a teasing voice. Of course, I know it's 13 going on 30, how could I ever forget her favourite movie? I even watched it without her so I could memorize the wedding scene that she does not stop talking about. “Haha, Chris. You're so funny.” she replies with a PAINFULLY sarcastic tone. “Why are you here anyway?” I take in a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you, could you maybe…come down here, my neck hurts.” I watch her let out a soft chuckle as she retreats her head back, she's gonna come outside and I'm gonna have to do one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. She can't hate me…can she? I mean, she could after this. Y/n hasn't always been the best at expressing her emotions or telling me how she feels, she just shuts down. My thoughts get interrupted by the sound of her back door sliding open. I don't know how she does it, she could be wearing a trash bag for all I care and she would still take my breath away. “Hey…” I whisper as my voice fails me. “Hi?” I watch as she hugs her body to shield herself from the cold. “I was just- I was wondering…are you okay?” Her body stiffens and I just think…oh shit. “I'm fine, Chris. Why wouldn't I be?” The coldness in her voice could send a chill down anyone’s spine “Y/n, I can tell when there’s something wrong. Why can’t you talk to me? Im here for you.” I take a step toward her but she steps back. C'mon Y/n, don't do this to me. Let me in. Just talk to me. I silently plead to her as her face contorted into a look of annoyance. “I've told you a hundred times already. I am fine. Why can't you comprehend that I don't need a saviour. It's 1 am, go home and sleep like a normal person for once in your goddamn life.” My breath catches in my throat as her tone gets more and more cold as she speaks. What happened to the Y/n that I know? The one I fell in love with… “you know what…” I swallow as I feel tears brimming my eyes. “Im done dealing with this. I care about you but you couldn't give two shits even if you wanted to. Do you know what you are Y/n? A fucking coward! Oh, how dare somebody show even the littlest bit of concern for you. I bet you’ll just forget about me, You'll get a new best friend and fuck it up the same way cause you're too much of a pussy to confront your feelings. I tried helping you but you're hopeless.” I wipe away the tears that fell from my eyes and huff before storming off in a fit of rage. I slam the gate to her backyard behind me, leaving a shivering, startled Y/n behind. Even after all of that…I cant help but still love her.

(A/N: Omg this took so long to come out cause my laptop decided to break but I finally got it fixed YIPPEE!!!! I hope you'll like this cause I feel like I cooked with this. Don't ruin my confidence)

Tags: @guccifrog

#chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader

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dreamwritersworld · 9 months

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All too well. Part 2. (Miles Morales x reader)

Im so sorry for posting this late, I’ve just been extremely busy! I hope your all doing well! Please tell me you understand the references this is so Taylor swift coded! 😭💓

I allowed my body to slip into the portal and i allowed myself to slip from the buildings, the ending of it all felt like pure bliss…a new world.

Then I followed the webs that I saw slinging around quickly and excitement grew when I saw other Spider-Man’s. Yes, when seeing Gwen and Miles it hurt but the i ignored it because all I realized was that there was a community full of people just like me…so I listened to introductions and spoke.

“I’m Y/n!”

Bewilderment was written all over Miles and Gwen once I came forward and introduced myself

“What?! Y/n? Wha-what are you doing here?”

Slight panic and frustration was visible in his voice.

“I saw the portal and I walked in, anyone could’ve. You’ve guys got to be safe-“

Our conversation was interrupted, having to jump into fighting once again, falling into our hectic intoxicating lives.

The entire time after I wanted nothing more but to cry, I wanted to go back home..something felt so wrong. Within that walk I couldn’t help but feel sick to my stomach, it felt like in a simple moment I’d lose it all. Everything felt so loud my mind felt like it was closing in and suddenly it stopped when I felt him near me.

“Y/n you shouldn’t have came, this isn’t for you.”

Hearing miles say those words after everything I’ve done for him infuriated me. Why is this side of spiderman activities for him ok but not fine for me. I had no words so I just scuffed.

“I’m serious Y/n. You can’t ignore me.”

I should’ve embarrassed him, really, I should’ve…but I just couldn’t. So I settled on speaking back what I wanted so dearly to say.

“You do not get to say that. I’ve dealt with this as long as you and I’ve fought lots if not more than you. Since you were too busy with gwe-“

“Shut-, just shh.”

The walked away immediately and i showed him frustration and shame it was all from witnessing the boy I loved dismiss me once again. There was a clear castle of people he pretended to care about and I was at the top of his podium. Our once lovely relationship was a beautiful tragic love affair.

Distance.

Timing.

Breakdown.

Fighting.

Silence.

Hobie and Gwen could see it all no matter how silent the pair thought they were. All of those emotions made everyone sink into a infuriated fusion.

Meeting Miguel and seeing how he acted towards miles made me uncomfortable. Any version of miles getting saddened would cause me discomfort, he would always be the first boy I loved and I couldn’t help but always feel guilty.

Miguel’s had spoke aggressively to him clearly frustrated about the timeline, I was silent enough to not make a peep or even blink an eye..yet he still noticed me.

“What-what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be back home. This is changing everything now. I can’t believe you two! Seriously…”

He kept on going, screaming angrily and his voice became disoriented once I began panicking internally. I had handled being spider women well, but something about this trip nauseated my entire system. I brought myself back once I heard Miles talk about our canon events.

“My parents are going to die? And you expect me to what? Be ok with that?”

Rio was would be my canon event. Jeff would be miles.

Regardless of all the pain and hurt I felt I’d stick beside Miles because Rio and Jeff raised me from a far, they meant the world.

“We need to save them. Are you crazy?-“

Miguel immediately cut me off trapping miles and I, while everyone surrounded us.

“N-No you can’t do this! Please! You have to help us!”

I was furious and adrenaline rushed through my body i placed my hand on the wall surrounding us, the same time Miles placed his… and we escaped.

The entire time my heart pumped never once getting tired of running away from thousands of Spider-Man’s, my determination kept me aligned.

“…nah imma make my own story.”

I took another leap through a portal following panicking Miles. To be fair, he never exactly handled the role spiderman too well. With all the pressure and expectations he always leaned towards me until he had Gwen..in every story of ours I guided him.

His breathing was frantic and he struggled to find the words to express himself.

“Miles..”

His mind was scrambling everywhere and all he could do was look at her eyes and mouth moving speaking calming words. Y/n couldn’t see it but Miles saw her as the archer. She could be in fights but she was always far enough so she wasn’t the one to get hurt at first. It was the only reason Y/n remained level headed fighting against bad guys…going against him. She never let him see her break down the way she did that day.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m so so-sorry”

His statement truly took Y/n by surprise as tears fell from his eyes and his panicked breathing tried slowing down..she allowed him to finish.

“If this is our last chance being together, if anything goes wrong saving them..I’m sorry for being so mean to you. You’re too sweet for me to lie. You always deserved more.”

Those familiar words sounded warm coming from him. Rio had only spoken them a day prior when she was heartbroken…

“We’ll make it out. We just need to save them and get back to our normal lives, no kiddy stuff anymore.”

As soon as she helped him get up and she turned away tears fell down from y/n’s face like ricochet’s. This was the final moment she was hanging up her childhood, maybe they had ruined they’re timeline..but it’ll all be fixed eventually, they just needed to grow up…

Tag list: @justleila @tati-the-fangirl @kxllanxtdoor @abbersreads @abislays123 @not-aya @usernamepasswordsstuff @moralesluvrr @inluvwithneteyam @twinklethoughts klenotastar @ilystarz @vodoo-heart @papichulo120627 @mashiromochi @frogsandmoss @laylasbunbunny @bigdikzaddy @catynss @venusluvslove @sxributr @anikaluv @yukinaabutlazy @hxidyg @szde8-blog @avatar4life @sgmianne @melaaaara @key-zee @isabelcor3

#Spotify #miles molares #miles morales imagine #miles morales x reader #angst #across the spiderverse #spiderverse spoilers #1610 miles x reader

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nerves-nebula · 10 months

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Hi um terrible sorry to bother you rn with a maybe loaded question but what would be each turtles biggest concern(?) issue(?) once they leave splinter and like move to the hidden city? I have a decent idea for donnie and leo but have barely have any for raph and absolutely nothing for mikey

This may or may not turn into something im working on for this tmnt iteration

not entirely sure what you mean by concern so I'll try to wrap my head around "issue." but even that's pretty broad, since they have a lot of overlapping issues.

so like, they've all got PTSD. just to get that outta the way. i think ive talked about this before but i cant find those posts sooo here's to hoping i dont contradict myself!

Raph: Raph mostly struggles with figuring out his identity outside of being a protector. he also focuses a lot on trying to remain present (not dissociate) and being more in touch with his bodies needs, as well as his emotional needs. it's hard for him to pick up new hobbies because he can't really tell what he likes?? so that's what hes doing in therapy, trying to figure himself out and learn how to better take care of HIMSELF instead of others. and like, see himself as a person haha.

Mikey: Mikey gets a bit high off of freedom and kind of goes crazy throughout his twenties, lots of sex, parties, magic drugs, normal drugs, he's down for whatever. he's kind of all over the place and he loves it at first but then he realizes it might not be a great way to live for him. he wants to have something to show for his life and work and like, find a community (while still being insane sometimes :>) and he ends up doing a lot of charity work, painting murals, and a bunch of other stuff. eventually he stumbles his way into a tattoo apprenticeship. His whole thing is basically figuring out how to be his own impulse control, with a side of guilt because he feels like he's the "least traumatized" of his brothers (he still has PTSD it just usually shows up differently than in his brothers)

Mikey also really, REALLY hates being called stupid (not as a joke, like if he fucks something up and someone says hes dumb or something). Splinter always said he was the dumbest one of them all and he acts like he doesn't care, BUT HE DO. it really gets under his skin.

Leo: a lotta self hatred on his end tbh. he spends a lot of time as the hidden cities protector trying to atone for his past mistakes. he feels both fragile and like he's walking on eggshells around his brothers because he knows that he's made most of their problems worse. he also feels like what he went through isnt as bad, because splinter liked him the most. so he's got a similar guilt thing going on as Mikey, with the added pressure of feeling like he has to "earn" his place with his brothers, the way he had to "earn" his place as Splinters favorite.

Donnie: Donnie goes to college pretty early into moving into the hidden city, which he's super excited about! he gets into a really bad relationship for like a year or two with Adelaide, and after that just kind of becomes more and more suicidal until he attempts to kill himself. im not actually entirely sure about the timeline here but yeah, he deals with a lot of sexual & relationship trauma as well as self esteem issues (literally only conceives of himself as pathetic and weak), intrusive thoughts, and suicidal ideation.

donnie doesn't feel like he'll ever be good enough for anything, and he resents the people around him for disagreeing because he thinks they're lying to him.

hope that wasnt all too rambly for ya!

#nnstuff #ask #teenage mutant neglected turtles #suicide tw

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weirdmorefics · 1 year

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the same person who asked this

Hi there. Can I request a Anthony Bridgeton x ftm reader slightly set in modern era where they have twins and Anthony's family loves the reader and is okay with there relationship. I just want fluff with a (little too big of a) dash of angst. Something domestic where they go on a vacation and them all running around the garden and at the end of the night after the twins go to sleep y/n and Anthony spend time alone just talking, cuddling and swaying to music while looking in each other's eyes...im just a simp for fluff and angst.

Sorry if this is too specific or non-specific and if you don't feel like writing it then it's cool. Thank you ❤️

Just Shut Up and Kiss Me

FTM Reader

Pronouns- He/Him

Word Count- 523

Summary- After a long day at the ocean with the twins, you and Anthony finally get some quality time together.

A/N- MODERN TIME PERIOD! It's not exactly like the request I hope you still like it :)

Sorry for the lateness I've said in another post but it is due to the Flu and I have many chronic illnesses so it took me a while to get back to baseline.

The twins were more rambunctious than they were at the estate which I did not even know was possible. I guess vacations bring out the energy in all of us. We spent the day together at the ocean and they could not contain their excitement.

To be honest, though any public body of water raises my anxiety. Even after top surgery, I feel like I should be wearing a shirt but Anthony eases my nerves. He has been with me through it all even if he was a bit uneducated about the subject at first. Eloise helped him research everything about top surgery and we played board games all throughout my recovery. Anthony acts as quite the buffer as well, his handsomeness certainly distracts from me. Anthony still encourages me to feel good in my skin with the salacious comments he whispers in my ear. Even with his encouragement, it is still very tiring to fight those feelings all day.

I am grateful that the kids poured all their energy into creating intricate sand castles and destroying them. By the time we got to the summer home, the kids were so exhausted they passed out the minute their head hit their pillows. I felt exhausted myself from the sun, the crazy twins, and many emotions of the day. After tucking the children in I planned on going to sleep but Anthony had other ideas.

"Come on darling I have something to show you," Anthony says dragging me away from the twin's room practically giving me no choice.

"Anthony what has you in such a tizzy," I laugh at his usual antics.

"I just want to show you something as mesmerizing as your eyes," He says with a goofy grin.

I blush and try to hide my face, "Stop you're going to make me gag."

"You know you love my romantic words," he laughs deeply.

I roll my eyes, "Don't get too full of yourself."

"You already know I am full of myself that's why you married me handsome." He smirks

"Yeah, sure that's why," I laugh.

"Enough of denying how perfect my personality is look up," he says gesturing to the sky.

I go to make some stupid witty remark when I look to the sky.

"There are so many stars here you never see this many in London!" I gasp in awe.

"I have always wanted to take you here ever since I met you Y/N. The moment I saw your eyes they always sparkle when you are talking about something you are passionate about just like these stars."

I feel my whole face start to turn red which in turn makes my face even redder because now I am embarrassed about being embarrassed what a vicious cycle. I try to turn away to sass Anthony about being too gooey again but he pulls my face towards his.

"Don't you ever hide your feelings my love because you make every emotion a work of art." He says suavely making me want to smack him.

I roll my eyes, "Just shut up and kiss me."

"That I can do," he smirks wickedly.

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#ftm reader #bridgerton x reader #anthony bridgerton x you #anthony bridgerton x reader #anthony bridgerton x y/n #bridgerton x you #bridgerton x y/n #bridgerton x male reader #male y/n #bridgerton one shot

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hikari-drkspc · 1 year

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❅ “Snow Buried Memories” ❅

characters: yandere! todoroki shoto & yandere! dabi [boku no hero academia]

warning: yandere, mentions of pun1shm3nts and k1dnapping, threats using el3ctr1c sh0ck brac3let, mild swearing, pent-up emotions ; MINOR/AGELESS BLOGS DNI, PUT YOUR AGE IN BIO/PINNED POST TO INTERACT

words: 1.9k

a/n: this is a repost from my main blog (@/hikari-writes) so yes this writing is old + bad, i just moved them here w/o editing bc im lazy and wants to keep reminding myself how bad my writing used to be <3

It’s snowing, you thought as you peer out the window of your room. Another winter has passed by. And here you are, stuck inside this damn house with two of your self-proclaimed lovers.

You wanted to go outside. It has been a few years since you’ve been kidnapped by Shoto and Dabi. You can still remember the day they kidnapped you like it was yesterday. Despite the warmth the heater in your room was giving, you could feel your shoulders shudder at the recollection of that memory.

You’ve already grown accustomed to your lifestyle as a captive. Your first few months here has been hell. You kept resisting them and trying to escape. It goes on for about a year or two.

As soon as you realize there’s no escaping these two psychos, you decided it’s time to give up. You silently thank the god for still keeping your sanity in check. If not, you might’ve actually started to accept what they’re doing. You might’ve actually started to accept their twisted love.

You stopped resisting them and let them do as they please. As long as you behave, you might be able to say goodbye to those two years of hell full of punishments. You never acted or pretended as if you love them though. They’d know right away you’re bluffing. Heck, your acting skill isn’t A+ either.

It’s been such a long time since you last touched the snow. You missed the feeling. You wanted to go outside. Even just at the front yard is enough. You wondered whether those two would let you. After all, you’ve been behaving excellently. Surely they’d cut you some slack just this once.

As these thoughts crossed your mind, the door to your room creaks open and there Shoto stands in front of it.

“What are you looking at?”

He asks, making his way to you.

“…The snow.”

You answer him and turn your attention to the view outside once again. He looks at you for a moment before joining you and looks out the window.

As you two were silently watching the view, you suddenly felt an arm draped over your shoulder and pull you a bit closer to him. You didn’t hear him coming in but you knew it was Dabi even without glancing at his direction.

“Your hand is already cold from putting it against the window. Let’s go to the living room and cuddle there. I’ll make a hot chocolate too.”

Shoto suggests as he puts a hand over yours and pulls it away from the glass window.

“Um…hey…”

Your voice almost came out as a whisper as you tried to get their attention. They turn to you almost simultaneously.

“Is it okay….if I want to go outside? Just the front yard is okay. I just…want to play in the snow. It’s just… It’s been so long since I last touched them so…”

You trailed off and waited for their responses.

Dabi looks at you disapprovingly while Shoto remains stoic. They seem to be contemplating your request. It’s true that you’ve given up on trying to escape and they knew that. There’s no reason for them not to comply with your little request but still, there’re always those little bits of doubt in the back of their minds.

“Love, if you want to play with snow, can’t Shoto do something using his quirk? It’s not like you necessarily need to go outside.”

Dabi started. You look at Shoto in pure shock.

“You can do that, Shoto?”

Shoto shot Dabi a look and heave a sigh.

“I’m not an Elsa, Dabi. My quirk can’t create snow. Besides that, I don’t really see any problem in letting Y/N out in the front yard.”

This situation actually surprised you. Shoto is usually the one who’s more strict while Dabi is the more laidback one. But it seems like this time it’s the opposite.

“But of course…”

Shoto continues and takes out something from his pocket. He takes your hand in his and before you know it there’s a clicking sound.

You looked down and saw something like a bracelet around your wrist. You immediately recognized it as an electric shock bracelet. You deadpan at the sight, but really, there’s nothing you can do anyway. It’s futile to protest against him.

“If you stray too far away, I’ll have no choice but to shock you so don’t try to pull any tricks on us, okay?”

He says softly with a slight smile. He didn’t mention it but you could somehow already guess that the volts are high enough to make you pass out.

~~**~~

Dabi opens the front door and as soon as you step out, the cold air instantly hits your cheek. You could see your breath in front of your face. It’s colder than you had thought.

You’ve been so used to the warmth inside the house for many years that the cold felt foreign to your skin. It surprised you how the cold still gets to you even with several layers of clothing you’re wearing.

You turn to see Dabi and Shoto, who are wearing pretty thin clothing despite the cold.

“Well, aren’t those two lucky to be so warm in this cold because of their quirk.”

You silently thought to yourself with a little bit of irritation. You tried to shake those feelings off though as soon as your eyes fell upon the sight of snow in front of you.

You couldn’t contain your excitement and quickly make your way to the pile of snow. Dabi and Shoto quietly follow suit and crouch next to you.

The feel of the snow in your gloved hands immediately brings back some memories of the past. Looking back, you realized how much you’ve taken for granted of these pure white crystals. You swear you’ve never been so happy to be able to touch snow before.

A sudden devilish idea pops in your head as you were shaping the snow into a ball.

“Right, if I use this as an excuse, they probably can’t say much to it.”

“Hey!”

You shout at them, trying to catch their attention. (Well, it’s not as if their attention is on somewhere else anyway.)

Shoto’s vision is completely covered in black as the snowball hits him straight to the face. It took Dabi a moment to process what was happening before he himself was hit by a snowball.

’“Y/N, what–”

Shoto started but you cut him off.

“Snowball fight!”

You exclaim and throw another snowball at Dabi. It hit him in the face once again, and now his face is totally covered with snow.

You started to ball another snow while the two are still a bit flustered by the sudden game.

As you did so, you put all of your pent up frustration and anger towards them in the snowball. You’ve been keeping quiet all this time but it still frustrates and angers you how you’re held captive by these crazy guys.

You’ve tried to vent it out to them before and you can positively say, you don’t like the consequences you were faced after that.

But if it’s like this, then maybe…just maybe…you can get back at them without them noticing how much hatred you put into those snowballs you threw. They can just think of it as you being fired up for a snowball fight.

You throw the next snowball in Shoto’s direction. But as soon as you did so, the snow completely melted and the melted snow ,which now is water, fell to the ground.

You look at Shoto in disbelief. You can see his left hand generating flames that melted the snow you just threw.

“What?! That’s not fair!”

You protest and throw another one at Dabi’s direction, to which he also counters with his blue flames.

“Well, too bad, princess.”

Dabi gave a low chuckle which irritates you more.

“You both have flame-based quirks! This is a snowball fight! Your quirks are prohibited!”

You started to get genuinely angry at them, although it appears to them as if you’re pouting. You can’t just let them ruin your only chance at venting. You might go crazy if you keep bottling these feelings up.

Anger, disgust, helplessness, fear, frustration, irritation…

All of them compiled into those small snowballs you shaped.

They both look at each other before smiling at you.

“If that’s what you want then.”

Dabi replies and throws an attack of his own. You effortlessly avoided it. You could tell he was holding back. Shoto did the same to your dismay.

“Don’t hold back.”

You said clearly, hoping they’d comply.

“It makes it look as if we’re having fun and playing if they’re holding back. This is a match, not a game.”

You quietly complain to yourself.

Thankfully, they decided to humor you and go along with your antics.

~~**~~

The battle lasted for quite some time. The three of you are now sprawled on the snow-covered ground, panting slightly, the tiredness getting to all of you.

It was a good match, you thought. As much as you hated to admit it, you had a little bit of fun. Though only because you get to have your revenge.

You suddenly had a flashback when you used to play like this freely. Before you knew it, a single tear escaped your eyes.

You quickly sit up and wipe the tear away before Dabi or Shoto notice it.

You didn’t really notice it just now but in all honesty, you wanted to cry so hard. You were afraid. You were angry. You were frustrated.

Honestly it’s amazing how you can still breath the same air as those two. It disgusted you how you can still accept your fate just like that, without making any progress on escaping their grasp and live your life like before, normally.

“It’s because I know I’d just get killed if I try anything. Heck, even if I won’t get killed, they’d just make my life a living hell,”

a part of you said.

“I’d rather just die rather than be with these two,”

another part of you protest.

You were conflicted. Living with them has slowly made you lose your sanity, bit by bit. You were trying very hard to hold onto those last shreds of sanity you had left.

“Princess, let’s go inside. You’re freezing.”

Dabi’s words are coated with honey, and anyone would be swooned by it. Well, unless they’re being held captive by him under the pretense of him loving them, of course.

Shoto silently princess carry you and get inside the house. The sound of Dabi shutting the door behind him echoed in your ears. The echo made your eyes sting, but you held yourself back from crying.

You were placed down on a comfortable couch, a set of three mugs of hot chocolate on the table in front of you. Dabi and Shoto, both on each of your sides, cuddle closer to you. Both of them lean in and whisper to your ears,

“We love you, Y/N.”

That one single statement that left their mouths made you bite your lip in an attempt to hold in back your emotion. Your nails are digging the blanket and you put on a fake smile, one that’s surprisingly very convincing.

“Yeah, I know.”

It’s a lie and you know it. But you had no choice.

You never had, and probably never will.

#tw: yandere #bnha yandere #yandere bnha #bnha x reader #yandere bnha x reader #bnha #bnha todoroki x reader #bnha yandere todoroki x reader #bnha yandere dabi x reader #bnha yandere dabi #bnha yandere todoroki #bnha dabi #bnha todoroki shoto

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khaire-traveler · 8 months

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hey, so im kinda new here but i was just scrolling and saw a post you made in like december of last year (im really late i know, im sorry) saying that the gods aren't going to harm you and won't toy with you, and um, i really mean no disrespect at all with this, this is a genuine question, and i in no way mean to bash you bc i love the greek gods too, but like don't the greek myths show the exact opposite of that? like zeus and poseidon legit flooding the whole ass earth just to get rid of humans? and so many different occasions where the gods smite humans bc of a tiny offense? or actually just toying with mortals because they find it funny? and just basically doing really questionable things to humans all the time? i love them and all, but isn't it a bit of a stretch to say that they wouldn't harm humans when they literally did for all of humanity's existance per the myths?

Hello, Nonny, thanks for the question! I appreciate that you were trying to be respectful. 🧡

Firstly, I would like to say that I made that post last year. My thoughts and opinions have shifted over time, and that post was mostly made with the intention of comforting those who needed it (including myself, at the time). Posts like that don't offer enough context to express what a person actually believes/practices. I still would like to believe that gods don't just fuck with people or harm them in really shitty ways, but this is due to personal experience, as are most things within this type of religion. It's very heavily based on each individual's experiences with the gods. I have never met two people with the same exact practice or even interpretation of the gods; something is always a little bit different, even if it's a very small difference.

Secondly, these are myths that you're referencing. Even in ancient times, they were not interpreted literally all the time. This isn't really the type of religion that I would suggest people interpret myths literally, and I don't mean that in a rude way. It simply doesn't make sense to me to do that, especially when the culture of the ancient Greeks was so vastly different from the modern day. In fact, many of the major "issues" people have with Greek myths can be explained by a difference in culture and ways of thinking. If you choose to interpret myths literally, go for it, but I personally find the gods to be VERY different from the myths people told of them.

You have to remember as well that it's not as if these myths were written by the gods themselves or something; some old ass white men were probably the ones writing that stuff down, and they lived in a culture where men had all the rights and privileges (this is all to say that many myths treat women like shit for a reason: the culture viewed women as being worth less than literal animals).

The Greek myths are not scripture. I feel that basing one's views of the gods solely on myths is extremely limiting and, in my experience, inaccurate. Zeus has treated me very kindly, even helping me escape from the worst abuser I've ever faced; Poseidon has been very respectful, gently approaching me and randomly just popping up for assistance throughout my life; Apollo has been a light in the darkness for me during many times of need, always willing to guide me when I've lost my way. The gods can be depicted in myths one way but act in an entirely different way in reality.

That said, however, the gods are complex beings, similarly to humans. They are capable of feeling any emotion - sadness, happiness, anger, disgust, etc. Of course they're bound to get upset at humans from time to time, but I don't believe they would act maliciously towards someone randomly or for a super petty reason. They can be kind, loving, and sweet, but being multifaceted, they can also be cruel, spiteful, and angry. I would argue that rarely does a worshipper experience the more "unpleasant" side of the gods, but it does happen, I'm sure. I just believe that the gods will not go out of their way to just "mess with people", if that makes sense. For example, I don't believe Aphrodite would ruin someone's life for making a one-off comment about how their partner is "as/more beautiful as/than Aphrodite". Like, why would she care? Especially if that person doesn't even worship her, why does it matter what that person says? It's just some random person, and she has much better things to do than spend her time ruining their life for a compliment to their lover. The gods simply have better things to do and/or are more mature than that. They're thousands upon thousands of years old; I'm sure they know how to handle someone who called them a mean name or said something "hubristic" in a respectful and disciplined way, especially if that person isn't a worshipper/doesn't believe in their existence.

Of course, there are people who would disagree with me, and that's perfectly fine. There is no right or wrong belief when it comes to these things. The beauty of this religion is that you're free to think whatever you want. If you want to believe that Hermes is the god of Monster Energy™, you're absolutely free to do so! If you want to believe that saying someone is as beautiful as Aphrodite is insanely disrespectful and not ok, then you're free to think that as well. There's nothing wrong with believing whatever feels right to you, but just remember that at the end of the day, religion should be a generally positive experience for you. It should make you feel good in some way, be that happiness or fulfillment or even comfort. Religion shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable, unhappy, and unsafe constantly. There are times where religion - especially this one imo - will test your limits or push boundaries, but it shouldn't make you feel like shit all the time.

Ok, anyway, I apologize for going into a tangent lol. I hope this gave a sufficient answer to your question. Believe whatever you feel is right, Nonny. I may believe that the gods are kind (although they certainly can behave otherwise, being multifaceted), but you're welcome to believe the opposite. There is no one single way to interpret the gods; it's different for everyone. The only recommendation/advice I have for you is to base your views of the gods on personal experience rather than myths. Myths are just that: myths. They are meant to teach lessons or explain the nature of the world. Sometimes they're even just meant to show examples of a god's wrath/why you should respect the gods. Point being here that they aren't usually meant to be taken literally, and I personally would not recommend doing so, but it's entirely your choice.

I hope this helped and gave you a good answer! Take care, and have an awesome day/night. 🧡☺️

#helpol #anon asks #answered asks #hope i worded this well #it's 1am and i am in greece atm so sorry if the wording is weird #I'm insanely tired and a little bit buzzed lol

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cowboyjen68 · 1 year

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Hi Jen, I have a question about types and butch/femme stuff. I’m a butch (or at the very least androgynous) and I’ve only ever been attracted to other butch/gnc/androgynous women. It’s what helped me realize I was a lesbian, because I was never attracted to femmes I thought I could never be gay. I’ve never seen feminine women as attractive and I don’t see why I ever would.

But I feel like I’m the only butch in the world who is exclusively into other butches. Every other butch I see/know is always with a femme, even the ones that say they are attracted to both. I already felt so isolated before coming out and now im stuck with that same feeling in a new environment.

Do you have any advice for anything like this? Or advice for feeling alone in our community?

(p.s. I don’t hate femmes, people seem to get this idea when I tell them they are not my type)

FIrst let me say to your PS. In no circumstances does not being attracted to someone or some type equate to hate. We like what we like and no one else gets a say in that. We don't need to exprience sexual or other physical or emotional attraction to someone in order to prove that we don't hate them. People that think that should probably be avoided because they are placing way too much pressure on others to push personal boundaries and that is unfair and even dangerous.

I know plenty of butches who are butch4butch and several are close friends. At least one or two have mentioned thinking the same kind of things you have dealt with, about butches only like femmes. My experience and my opinion is that butches and femmes exist seperately from each other. Ones does not rely on the other to exist. They are independant identities.

The majority of my lesbian friends are neither butch nor femme and date whomever they find attractive. I believe same goes for butches and femmes. We date and form relationships with those we find most physically and emotionally attractive to us. Plenty of butches don't dates femmes or even other butches.

When I broke up with my femme first girlfriend I convinced myself that I should like other butches because we could relate to each other more and I ended up with a butch for 17 years. THIS was a mistake. We were friends (sometimes) but really held no real passion for each other.

It is like we got so deep in trying to make our marriage last so as not to be a failure that we ignored the fact that neither of us held any attraction for the other. Once we addressed the face that we both almost exclusively attracted to femmes, or at least women more feminine than us we split up. She went on to meet and fall very much i happy love with a femme. I too went on to embrace my attraction to more feminine women.

My point is, do not fight your natural attraction. Don't let other people or any community tell you who or what you are supposed to be attracted to. Be honest with yourself and what ignites your passion. Who gives you the warm fuzzies and make you feel giddy.

If you have any chance to attend a women's festival or event I would suggest it. When I was young and struggling, still unsure what butch was or meant, and in fact having a lot of false ideas about it, seeing a lot of women of all body types and styles really helped me to see that I did fit. I met my first set of butches at one and was like "whoa.. I see me" and they showed me I could be just me.

It took me years to understand that also meant I could date whomever made me happy and not just the next woman who was nice. Or that I had to avoid my true attraction because that was acting "too much like a man" or being predatory to like feminine women. Listen to your own heart and find friends who will honor that.

#butch4butch #lesbian #butch femme #butch #dating

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onlyjaeyun · 3 months

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Tbh I'm so conflicted with this new chapter!! Not bcus of you ofc Zadie this was amazing as always but...

I feel like a lot of the anger directed towards yn from Riki is misplaced, I understand being frustrated that she puts others above herself but he needs to realize that she did raise those kids, and even if they don't show her the love she deserves, shes def gonna have some emotional attachment to them regardless of anything because she raised them.

She IS the eldest daughter and sibling above anything like Riki says which is why he doesn't understand a sister's love to that extent because even if he is a sweetheart and is the one still with her, he isn't his sister and hasn't lived what she has ( and vice versa ). That's just my thoughts ofc, amazing chap as always!!!!

YES YES YES YES!!!! you're so right for this!!!!! im so excited abiut this ask bc this was exactly what i was trying to potray. as the you gest sibling myself i always wondered why my oldest sister acted the way she did and yet i was always subconsciously aware that we aren't the same and i don't actually feel and interpret things the way she does!!!! so this is very well spot on. riki's definitely more angry at the circumstances which put his sister into this situation rather his sister but unfortunately he can't really be mad at them and i know im gonna bring this up again but it's important for his character development, he's still bery young and has only known y/n, as sad as this sounds😭💗

#; mailbox 📬#; cold hearts

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star-crossed-mid · 6 months

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Little ramble on water boy 2 and red string cutter and their powers

The Goddess of Fate's power was the ability to change the future/fate of anyone. In some of the other gods stories it kind of seems like her power was just giving people a choice. I like to believe that MC has that power still but its more toned down as in she just talks to people about what choices they can make like idk telling leon to not kill everyone and wipe the universe teehee.

We see her power work in every story intentional or not. Maybe it was the king using the help of her powers to decimate the underworld or the simple acts of kindness performed through MC. Anyway, it can go into theories of dominos falling or butterflies flapping their wings that Clotho's power was very strong and had lasting impacts on a persons future.

Hue's power is clairvoyance, granted he can't use it without touching the person but he could still see into the future. He keeps to himself when he does this, only preparing for the inevitable.

I love that Huedhaut was the one to help Clotho figure out how to use her powers and incidentally was one of the first people who had his fate 'changed'. Whether his fate was actually changed by her or it was just him trying to create a logical answer to him catching feelings is wild.

One of my fav excerpts of them is I think in one of Hue's stories he gets surprised accidentally reading Clotho's future. He saw that they were dating before he even knew they were. Ended with both of them getting awkward about it and just acknowledging 'hey we're dating', and along the lines of him saying 'i've never had my own future spoiled'.

TLDR their relationship

One of the reasons Hue fell in love with MC/Clotho was because Clotho always forced Hue out of his comfort zone (at a reasonable level) and was his total opposite. Something refreshing, sun and moon.

Clotho definitely woke up Hue in the middle of the night to ask if he would still love her if she was a worm (and him in a begrudging state of total confusion would say yes, he loves them in any form, he loves their soul etc etc).

It's also to note that her power literally interrupts his. He can't see/predict the future if it's always changing. It was unpredictable for him. Which ties into the philosophy he learnt when we see him in S1 that he doesn't know how to process the illogical and irrational. He also gets a bit mad at MC when she brings up the concept 'fate' once again being a theoretical concept not set in stone. Huedhaut tries to grab onto any reason when it came to an emotional experience and it left him with centuries full of grief as to why Clotho did the things she did.

In a sense, Huedhauts season 1 reads like a ghost story. Clotho is the ghost that haunts MC, Hue, and some of the other gods. There's a famous quote by David Foster Wallace that says:

"Every love story is a ghost story"

Clotho haunts the narrative, and surely haunts Hue. Those versions of the goddess of fate with the god of Aquarius doesn't exist anymore, yet they still have a very persistent figure in the story. Clotho gave up (not sacrificed) herself/powers because she wanted humanity to feel the love that Huedhaut gave her, her last thoughts were literally of her and Huedhaut hugging the morning prior as she found comfort in the absolute. Huedhaut was near her/watched as she faded from existence. Everything she did, Huedhaut took it personal as Clotho's decisions were purely emotional.

Whether it was inconsistent writing or intentional, Hue's reasonings/graspings at Clotho changes throughout the story from (TLDR SUMMED UP)

"Oh gods I desecrated myself for love" "Did she love me or was she unhappy and decided to do that" blaming himself for not stopping her/finding a solution/not being smart enough at the time

it changes in his route a few times but I think its a realistic depiction for someone who didn't get closure and is heavily focused on reason. tldr im rambling love overcomes as a theme and love is good. Voltage I am begging please give Hue a good update also redo his promise of infinity.

hue and clotho/mc have that doomed yuri type beat also something about them just spreads tragedy i love them i have like 3 scm aus and one of them is dedicated to them entirely.

#star crossed myth #star-crossed myth #starcrossed myth #voltage otome #scm huedhaut

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moody4world · 2 years

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Conflicted pt2

part 1

A/N(?): i am !!NOT!! a writer, everything i write and post is simply for fun and not to be taken seriously

urban x reader

It took you about a full hour to calm down completely and surprisingly Urban held you the entire time. That only made you feel more guilty for what you were about to tell him. But he deserved to know the truth.

You leaned out of Urban’s embrace to sit up straight. You wanted to make sure that you kept eye contact while you told him what’s been on your mind so you can try to read his emotions through his facial expressions and his eyes. Oh those beautiful blue eyes, they always told you what his pretty lips never did.

“Are you gonna tell me what has you so upset?” He’s becoming less patient the longer you take. “Yeah uhm..but i need you to know something first” Urban starts getting nervous. At this point he has no idea what you might say next. Are you calling it quits when you’ve barely begun? Were you pregnant?

As much as you tried to read Urbans expression it was too hard. He slowly removed his hands from yours and turned away from you. “So this whole time…you didn’t think it would’ve been best to just tell me what the fuck was going on? y/n she shook my hand with you right next to me. Both of you acted like you didn’t know each other and she talked about writing you a song to my face…” “I know how it looks to you but i promise it’s not like that”

“Oh it’s not? because i feel like both of you made a fool out of me…and now i come home to you crying your eyes out to the song she wrote just for you….y/n how do you think that makes me feel huh?” His tone stayed leveled but you could tell he was mad because his face was turning red. Urban has never raised his voice at you but you were sure that it was bound to happen when this conversation progresses.

“Are you crying because you regret being with me? Do you want to go back to her? is that it?”

“Urban no…i don’t know what to feel”

“Well neither do I…You told me everything was finally good again and you’re ready to make this something for the rest of our lives y/n WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT SHIT IF YOU DIDNT MEAN I-“ “IM SORRY OKAY? im FUCKING sorry…I tried SO hard to get over that breakup and you know it. I did everything I could to move on and open my heart for you. I fucking love you Urban but my heart is still in her hands and i’m afraid there’s nothing i can do about it.” You were once again, a sobbing mess. Only this time you weren’t the only one crying.

Urban felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. How could you show him a love like he’s never had before, just for you to take it away from him in the blink of an eye. “So this is it? You’re gonna call her now and try to get her back?” you shook your head and wiped your eyes and cheeks with the sleeve of your oversized hoodie before answering him.

“No, I can’t do that.”

“And why not?”

“Because i need to focus on myself right now….as cliché as it sounds i need to find myself again. Ever since i was 19 i’ve been in and out of relationships and constantly wanting love from my partners and giving them every piece of me yet i never loved myself as much as i loved them. I deserve the same love i give to everyone else too. I OWE that to myself Urban. I can’t imagine what’s going through your head right now…you probably hate m-“ “ I don’t hate you y/n don’t start with that bullshit okay? i’m mad…yes but i should’ve seen the signs. I can’t force you to stay so i guess this is it, I really do love you and that’s not gonna change over night. You’re the best love i’ve ever received and i’ll never forget you for that. You’re still my soulmate…” He stepped closer palming your left cheek with his right palm and wiping away a stray tear of yours with his thumb.

“Maybe not in this lifetime but in the next, i know you’d be my wife….even if neither of us believe in that marriage shit. You do deserve that love that you give, i hope you learn how magical it feels and how addicting it is. If you ever need anything at all you know where and how to find me so i’ll be on my way and i’ll come pack my things maybe tomorrow okay?” you simply nodded, not being able to voice anything after all that he had said to you.

He leaned down kissing your forehead, slowly as if he was saying a final goodbye, walked around you and left out the door.

A/N: THE EEENDDDD omg im so proud of this!!!

#moody4world #moody fics #urban wyatt x reader

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stormyoceans · 6 months

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Did you see the cast's reaction to the trailer? Did you see how emotional they got? (cause same). Did you see backaof saying they're not gonna get together easily? (crying screaming throwing up) Did you see mark saying that backaof loves making us cry? (wbk mark-- we're already crying)

I am vibrating with EXCITEMENT. Also i keep thinking of the OST and i can't wait for it to be released! Aside from how beautiful it is-- i can already imagine myself putting it on repeat for months, i hope it gives us more scenes to dissect and analyze and obsess over lmao. I think it'll come out by next Wednesday? I hope sooner tho!

I DID SEE IT!!!!!!! AND TBH IM STILL TRYING TO COME TO TERMS WITH THE FACT THAT LIKE. WE'RE GETTING CONTENT??? WITH ALREADY AVAILABLE SUBTITLES??? AND THERE'S MORE TO COME WITH THE OST AND OTHER KIND OF PROMOTION??? IM SO NOT USED TO IT BUT WE'RE REALLY LIVING IN THE LAST TWILIGHT ERA NOW AND I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER

also i would love to comment the entire video but i feel like i still can't put any coherent thought together so here are some random considerations:

1) jimmysea are always so serious every time they have to watch the trailer for one of their series, we really never get much of a reaction out of them and for some reason i find that pretty endearing???? like they always put everything they have in what they do so of course they would concentrate on what they're watching so intently that they actually forget to comment or react;

2) WE LOVE MARK PARKIN NR. 1 JIMMYSEA SPOKESPERSON AND HYPE MAN;

3) i guess we could have imagined that morkday wouldn't get to be together so easily but actually hearing p'aof saying it....... MAIMING BITING GNAWING GNASHING KICKING SCREAMING. i love what mark said tho, that "despite all the drama, those two hold on tight to each other's hands and love". it makes me believe that, no matter the pain and the hardships, they will never let go, and that's what matters the most;

4) NAMTAN'S GOWN SUSPICIOUSLY LOOKS LIKE A WEDDING ONE SO I NEED TO REVISE MY ENTIRE THEORY ABOUT THE AIRPORT SCENE;

5) i have been waiting for doctor jimmy “unhinged method actor who is all about the process” jitaraphol potiwihok to make a come back and HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT

GUESS HE HAD SOME RESIDUAL ACTS OF SERVICE FROM MORK IN HIM. HE WAS SO PROUD OF SURPRISING SEA WITH THE ONE PALM DISTANCE AT THE END TOO

OKAY SORRY this is already so long and incredibly messy but GOD YES I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE OST TO BE RELEASED!!!!!!! i get chills every single time the song starts and it really contributed turning the trailer into the masterpiece that it is!!!!! idk if i should make any predictions at this point but one last clownery for old time's sake (i say as if i won't be clowning with theories every single week from now on): OST COMING OUT ON MONDAY LET'S GO!!!!!!!!

#SORRY THIS IS A MESS AND IT'S PROBABLY MY CUE TO LEAVE #BUT I LOVED THE CAST REACTING TO THE TRAILER AND IM SO EXCITED AND ALL-OVER THE PLACE ABOUT EVERYTHING I FEEL LIKE I CAN BARELY KEEP UP #THANK YOU FOR BEING SO PATIENT WITH ME #last twilight the series #jimmysea #hsfavoriteworlds #m: ask

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petruchio · 6 months

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hope this isn't a weird and irrelevant reply to your personal post but honestly i really get what you mean. tbh i've been there too. i get how being in a place where you're confident in some aspects of yourself and doing enviable (?) things can be pretty isolating, especially if you're (perceived as) a woman, you feel like you're good at [insert some skills that matter to you], and you generally like the way you look. it can feel like you lack empathy because you don't share some of the insecurities that people around you experience and bond over (though you may be struggling with something different that they don't get), it can feel like you can't tell if you're a good friend or not because others talk about you in terms of what you've accomplished or what you have rather than who you are as a person, it can feel like your positive emotions aren't real because they're atypical and viewed as "unrelatable" idk. i feel like loving yourself and believing in your abilities is a net good but not a substitute for being around people who actually relate to your experiences. for me it's essentially feeling likable but not understandable (or understood), and ime it's something that isn't "solved" by having a lot of friends. it makes sense if you feel like that's not enough. not sure if any of this is actually similar to what you're going through, but i hope you get the chance to be around people who Get It, and i hope you feel less alone soon. you seem like a genuinely kind person on top of being great at writing/analysis -- i love the way you write about the things you're excited about. wishing you all the best <3

it's not weird or irrelevant AT ALL! it honestly always does make me feel better when i come on here and speak about something i'm struggling with and other people say, hey, yeah, me too. especially when the thing i'm complaining about is feeling alone, it's comforting to know that other people feel the same way. like, we're all lonely together, which makes us less alone in our loneliness.

and yeah i think you're right -- confidence is one of those weird things where the more you work on it, the more difficult it can become to relate to other people. people are always telling me i'm so confident and asking my advice on things and i'm always like... idk how to tell you to just stop caring what people are thinking. i mean, obviously i do care what people think of me, but maybe the problem is that because i'm my own worst critic, i can't imagine anyone hating me more than i already hate myself, which paradoxically means that i assume everyone loves me? or maybe it's because i can't imagine anyone genuinely giving a shit about what i do, so it's easy to just do whatever i want. because it's not that i don't care what people think, but just that i pretty much assume they aren't thinking about me, so why would i bother trying to impress them? (like some of my friends will describe in detail the logic behind their instagram story posts. and i'm just like... do you really think other people are noticing this? do you really think people care that much what you, some random person, is posting? it's kind of crazy to spend so much time thinking about yourself through the lens other people. just post if you think it's funny, or don't. nobody is actually thinking that much about you.)

but to your point, i feel like that is kind of where a lot of the loneliness comes from. because people describe certain insecurities or thought patterns that they have, and i'm just like yeah i truly cannot relate to that, or yeah, i would never do that. and when i do express things i'm struggling with, people act so shocked and never offer any kind of support because they're like "but your life is so perfect!" (which is INSANE! nobody has a perfect life! and i know it sounds like the most obnoxious problem ever, like oh my life is so great that nobody believes me when i say i'm still inexplicably sad, but it is a really isolating and lonely existence!!) and then i guess it kind of becomes a cycle where people say or do certain things, i don't relate to them at all, and then i wonder why i'm still struggling so much even though i'm honestly doing fine, and then i feel guilty for even struggling or feeling down because i don't really know what else i can do to get better, since again, i'm objectively doing fine.

i get what you mean about feeling likable but not understandable. recently i was on a second or third date with someone, and i had this weird out of body experience where it was like, i could see myself doing everything right -- i could see that he was totally into me and that i was saying all the right things and laughing at the right times and making the right jokes, but i didn't feel like a person? i knew i could make him like me, and that it wouldn't even be that hard, but i knew he would never actually know me, not even if we kept dating for years. he would always have just "liked" me, like you said. it was a really weird and uncomfortable feeling. i came home and wrote in my journal "sometimes i feel like i'm so good at pretending to be a person that i don't feel like i'm actually a person at all"

SORRY for these long rambling answers. i guess i'm feeling some type of way about my inability to function normally lately. being 24 is just weird i guess. it's uncomfortable and awkward and frustrating, and so much of it feels like this sense of cognitive dissonance between being really good at acting like an adult but still feeling like you just want to scream and cry and throw things like a toddler but you know you can't. i guess someday it will all make sense. or maybe it won't. but i'll keep writing about it either way <333

#answered #anonymous

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pepprs · 7 months

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also btw back to all the building the courage to move out stuff. last night i stayed up late (lol) reorganizing my building-the-courage-to-move-out playlist so that the lyrics tell a chronological story abt what this journey has been like for me and it’s still kind of messy but im proud of it and strengthened by it. i feel like it’s cringe to share it but i want to in part bc it’s another accountability thing so yeah ermmm i hope if anyone chooses to listen to it you’ll take something away from the juxtaposition of it all. here are the different sections / chapters

independent accident (c418): instrumental opener with a relevant title bc i like to start chronological story playlists that way

when will my life begin (tangled) - much more (barbra streisand): describing my home situation. going from kind of innocently being like “hey what if i could be more independent” to “hey what if the dynamics in this house are crushing me slowly. i need to not be in this situation i have to move out”

every single night (fiona apple) - i want love (elton john): more concertedly looking at the state of my life / my mental health situation and realizing how much living here is the source of that and always has been. lol 🤪 and also trying to convince myself that i deserve better and building the courage to ask for it

bloodline / difficult things (orla gartland) - nothing changes (hadestown): telling my family (especially my mom) that im unhappy living at home and want to move out but it blows up in my face. i get guilt tripped / gaslit out of it and it’s agonizing but i entirely lose my ability to remember how much i need this and i accept defeat

the hurt of happiness (hey ocean) - tales of dominica (lil nas x): the headspace ive been in for the last year or two of being depressed out of my mind and sinking in quicksand and losing all sense of hope that i will ever become an independent adult and not live here <3

need 2 (pinegrove) - new person, same old mistakes (tame impala): the chapter (i hope) im in cureently of realizing like… hey. i do have the strength. i am an adult and i choose my life. i will do this and be strong and it will be very hard and destructive but it will be okay. (i feel like the song im currently “on” is new person, same old mistakes lol. where i know i need to do it but have my familys voices in my head telling me i can’t)

quiet (matilda) - goodbye yellow brick road (elton john): AUGHHHH the most emotional part of the playlist. every song in this section makes me want to cry and sometimes has. this is when i will finally build the courage to actually say im moving out and act on it for real and the absolute wound that is going to rip me open and destroy my entire world <3 i feel it all (feist) is the OK IM GOING TO DO IT NOW AND ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES song and tactics (japanese breakfast) is me like… actually beginning to tell my family. aughhhhh ahghhhh augghhhhhhh.

when will my life begin reprise (tangled) - wildewoman (lucius): the aftermath where im hopefully happy and thriving and growing into my independence! :~D

this playlist (which i made specifically abt my experience of moving onto campus in aug 2021) + this playlist (which is kind of a messy look at like.. learning how to drive and having experiences of independence etc etc) also overlap a lot with the last 3 bullet points so i need to go through them and add more songs to this one too lole. they’re not organized to tell a story iirc but they’re also worth a listen (maybe on shuffle) and those songs may change what this playlist looks like when i add them but yeah this is the playlist as of rn :~D thank u for reading / listening if u did i am going to be late for work now but it was worth it to type all of this up

#purrs #m*ving o*t tag #<- so i save this and remember the story i want to live in lole.

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equallyshaw · 2 years

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𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓲 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽. - 𝓺𝓾𝓲𝓷𝓷 𝓱𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓮𝓼.

Inspire by miss o. rodrigos: all I want.

pt 2 to brutal:

Sour Masterlist:

you don't have to read that part, BUT it might clear some things up. but i also might do a 3rd part since, the ending is a cliffhanger not gonna lie lol

Warnings: swearing. actions aluding to sex.

Word Count:

I found a guy, told me I was a star

He held the door, held my hand in the dark

And he's perfect on paper but he's lying to my face

Does he think that I'm the kinda girl who needs to be saved?

After 2 months of going back and fourth with Quinn, and trying to figure out his feelings, I got nowwhere. I even brought in Ellen to help with the situation, but again- nothing. He was like me in a lot of ways, quiet, broody, impeccably stubborn and again- broody. Ellen couldn't get it out of him, hell I even bribed Luke with $100 in chipotle money to help me out, but nothing worked. I got sick and tired of waiting around, even after we 'fixed' our friendship. So I completly moved on with my life, moving from Plymoth to Chicago and started a new job within the summer. It was now october, and between last July to to now, I had found somebody who actually was all in.

I was on my way home from a late night at work, having been sucked into after work drinks, I called for the door of my apartment to be held open, instead of trying to grab my key. The stranger obliged, and he introduced himself to me on the elevator up. I then saw him again, a few days later grabbing a coffee from the lobby. I smiled at him, grabbing my own and he asked me to take the coffee to the rooftop, and I accepted.

And god, he is perfect. He was doing everything right. He was kind, a gentleman, sweet, funny, not afraid to show his emotions, and overall pefect. He wasn't afraid to show who he was, he was honest. Such a drastice differance from Quinn and the guy I had previously dated. Trevor was everything I was looking for in a guy and somehow got extremely lucky. And for once, I have somebody 'normal' in my life. Who has a set fucking schedule, and can make plans for two weeks out.

Now it was October, and I kinda have a funny feeling about him.

"I think he's talking behind my back." I confessed to a friend who I met through work. She froze, looked over and gave me her full and undivited attention. "I think he might be atleast just acting shady. Like, when he first met me I was a different person. Trying to get over Quinn once and for all, and having those three months were blissful. And like, when he met me I was almost over him. And now, I don't see Trevor as like a filler if you wanna call it that. I see him differently now, but I think he thinks im still fragile? Like im depressed and like ill always be depressed, but not that depressed. Y'know? He's perfect, but im not a damsel in distress. I don't need to be saved, by a guy no less. Quinn knew that, he didn't push me. Especially in our last conversation." I confessed and she nodded, comforting me. "I just want a good guy, somebody to love me unconditionally. somebody to always be there for me, and like I should be enough for myself. but somedays I don't think I am." I added and she wrapped her arms around me. Quinn reminded me in our last conversation, that I needed to be there for myself above all else.

[March 31st.]

"Are-are you leaving?" Quinn questioned walking into my air bnb. I had been staying in Vancouver since the end of Olympics pretty much. I had only spent five days in Detroit before heading up here. I was happy to be leaving, especially to leave the ever confusing Quinn Hughes. "Hmm mmm." I responded, shutting my suitcase. "Were you gonna tell me or just leave?" He questioned coming over to the bed, grabbing my hands to stop me from moving. This is the first time in years, he had held my hands like this. I froze, looking down at them and then back up to him. He let them go, and I sighed walking back out into the living room. He followed suit, and we sat on the couch across from one another. "I need to leave. I can't keep doing this. I need to move on with my life, Im leaving for Chicago." I confessed and he moved forward, trying to study me. "Can't keep doing what?" He asked, confused. I shook my head, "Quinn, if you hadn't noticed I've changed my flight three times since getting here. I have stayed, because I wanted to be around you. I wanted to be with you. Yet, you are still the ever confusing Quinn Hughes I fell for all those years ago. So with that, I just have to leave." I exclaimed. He looked at the floor, and I could see the gears turning a mile a minute. Trying to process what I had said and everything that had gone on this past month. I sniffled back some tears, and he whipped his head up to face me. He looked at me with a thoughtful look. "God, I really need to go." I said standing up. "Wait." He said softly grabbing my hand, and I turned back towards him. "I have to go Quinn, I need to be on my own for awhile. I need to find myself, and love myself away from skating." I said looking at the ground, before looking at him. He fought back tears, his jaw tighenting as he pushed some hair back behind my ear. His hazel eyes (i cant find his eye color lol) twinkling as I look at him, "Im sorry that Ive been distant this past month. I get it, and yes- I did see the way you acted, and I am sorry that I didn't show or tell you how I felt. But. I do think that you should figure out who you are away from the sport. I want you to learn to forgive yourself from regret and mistakes you think you made. I want you to learn to love yourself, more than ever, you need to. You need to be there for yourself, ok?" he questioned bring his hands to my face and I nodded, barely holding on to the tears that were going to pool out any second. He nodded, before pulling me in for a hug. I needed to leave.

[October]

I sat on the edge of my bed, debating if I wanted to even go to dinner with my friends. It was a much needed, fancy ass treat for us corporate gals. I sighed, pushing my brunette hair behind my shoulders and walking out to grab my bag. I walked out of my apartment, not before straighening my black dress that curved in the perfect spots, with black stilletos. My makeup and hair were done the way I loved it, so much different than competition makeup. I walked out, stopping by my boyfriends apartment on the ride down, to say goodnight. I knocked, waiting patiently for him to open the door. He opened it, smiling and pulling me inside. "Woah, you look gorgeous." he said taking my whole outfit in. I nodded, blushing. "Thankyou, Trev." I mused, giving him a quick peck. "Ill see you tomorrow morning, for brunch ok?" I said and he nodded, waving me off. "Be safe, let me know when you get home." He yelled as I walked out, while confirming I would.

I pulled up the the valet on the chicago river, thanking the valet as I walked past. I headed into the greek restaurant, my favorite, and made my way to the bar. The hostess nodding as I walked past, and then hearing, "How does she get to walk in? She's literally a nobody." I froze, walking back to the hostess and slipped her a twenty, for her troubles. I shook my head, and continued towards the bar and saw the familiar bartender and she nodded, already starting my drink. Let's just I come here a lot, and they know me pretty well now. Besides, I did tip very well when I did.

"Y/N!!!!" I heard behind me, and I smiled turning around to my friends. We all hugged, before they motioned towards our usual table and I nodded grabbing my martini and following them. We sat down, not bothering with the menus and started talking about our week. The four of us work for different companies and brands, so we understand one another for the most part but since we work in different fields, we always enjoy catching up with one another. It was nice for once, being able to be still and not have to worry about what I nedded to do next and what not.

"Okay, who the hell is staring at you?" Bella said pointing past me, as I sipped on my drink. I turned around in my seat, being so non chalant and quite frankly not caring. I noticed a tall blonde and cringed, that was elias. I internally yelled fuck, and moved on to who was staring at me. motherfucker Quinn. I swallowed, sighed and turned back around. "Do you know him?" Bella questioned and I nodded. "He's my ex from michigan who also happens to play in the nhl." I said swinging back the rest of my martini and taking in the bitterness. "Im getting something else, you need anything?" I questioned the girls and they shook the head no. I nodded, standing up and walking over towards the bar again. I smiled, asking for straight gin on ice. I sighed looking at the bar, and cursing the universe. I really didn't want to see him tonight. I began to walk back towards the bar, keeping my head looking straight on. Not wanting to see him or anybody in that group. Especially the dude, that made fuss about me walking in straight to the bar.

All I want is love that lasts

Is all I want too much to ask?

All I want is a good guy

Are my expectations far too high?

All I have is myself at the end of the day

But shouldn't that be enough for me?

I sat back down, digging into the veggie and hummus plate. "Ordererd you usual." Rosa confirmed, and I nodded thankfully. "So what's going in with you and Trev? The text you sent in the group chat, seemed off. Like unlike him." Alicia questioned, and I sighed. I sat back in my chair a bit, and shrugged. "I was explaining to my coworker Nina about it yesterday. Like, when he first met me- I was SO close to getting over Quinn for once and for all and so he saw me when I wasn't at my highest like I am now and he doesn't realize I am not as fragile as I was before. Well, not fragile but you know what I mean." I rambled, sipping some more of my drink. "But he seems so sweet! But like also, you aren't a damsel in distress. He shouldn't be at your beck and call like that, well he should be because your you but you know what I mean." Rosa respondeded and I nodded. "Like he's perfect on paper, but I don't need to be saved. I've already saved myself."

And there's one more boy, he's from my past

We fell in love but it didn't last

'Cause the second I figure it out he pushes me away

And I won't fight for love if you won't meet me halfway

A little while later, we were back on me and my love life. "But seriously, I just want somebody that fits me and who I am. I don't want to be one foot in and one foot out. I want to be sure. And no I was never like that with my last boyfriend after Quinn. I didn't even wanna move in with him after three years. Am I aiming for something too high. Am I asking too much out of somebody or expecting too much?" I confessed, running a hand through my hair and sipping my drink. "NO!" Alicia said first, "No, you are not expecting too much. Don't you dare feel like you have to settle for somebody. Settle for somebody that isn't Quinn." She said, peeking at the other girl's reactions. She was right. I shook my head, sighing. "I can't have him, he's probably not available anymore. When I went for the weekend to my parents, they said that they had seen an extra girl hanging around the family when they went to the lake. They looked cute apparently, and like I can't hold out hope for him. Not anymore." I winced. Rosa shook her head, "But didn't he wait for you? Like didn't he not move on?" She questioned and I nodded. "But we aren't getting any younger, so he's probably moved on. Which is a good thing. We didn't stay together for a reason, who knows if we were just too young to keep it going or that he wasn't into me as I was. I can't fight for somebody who doesn't want it all. That one month with him, doesn't change anything. I won't fight for somebody who doesn't meet me in the middle. Who doesn't put in the energy or time or fucking words." I said, quite frankly done with the conversation. "Well, here's to us and our single lives forever!" Bella beamed clinking our glasses together. Shouldn't that be enough? Why do I have a heavy feeling in my stomach?

All of us headed out towards the valet, with mine coming up first. "Ill text you guys tomorrow for next week." I mused, handing money to the valet. I thanked them, and hopped in my car. I waited a second to pull out, because people were walking in front of me. I sighed, staring straight at them, hoping they would hurry up. I watched them as they finally moved past my car, and I drove off. My music started as I pulled off, heading back into the city. I decided I wanted to drive on lakeshore, so I made my way around the city so I could go past Navy Pier, heading back into the gold coast area.

God, seeing Quinn tonight has messed with my head. I couldn't stop thinking about him throughout dinner, honestly getting lost in my thoughts.Thoroughly, just sitting back at dinner and not saying much. The girls knew that seeing him, rattled me, I had explained to them a few months back when we all met at a Pilates class, about somebody from Michigan- never explicity saying his name, and how much he affected me. Constantly thinking over and over, what I did wrong, what he did wrong, and everyhting afterwards. We were just simply, young and dumb. But, the ever brooding man just couldn't escape my mind.

My phone dinged, signaling that somebody had texted me.

[Q: sorry didnt mean to stare at you. didn't know u were there till brock pointed you out. apparently he didn't recgonize you when you first walked in.]

[y/n: yep. called me a nobody which is fine, but the fucking entitlement to speak to a hostess like that was uncalled for.]

[Q: oh i know, as soon as i heard about that i def game him an earful. ]

[y/n: oh good. because, ellen would not enjoy hearing that you didn't do anything or that you contributed to it.]

[Q: oh god, dont remind me. but anywho, did you possibly want to meet up rn? i still have sometime before curfew...]

I sighed, bitting my lip. My finers strumming against the steering wheel as I drove past the lake, not taking in the view at all. Fuck, I wanted to see him.

[y/n: yeah, how about the soho house? we can speak in private.]

[Q: ill meet you there.]

I turned off the drive and made my way into the city, towards the west loop near the united center. As soon as I arrived, I pulled into the valet and headed inside grabbing a corner seat.

I sat down, rubbing my hands on my thighs, trying to brush away some guilt and anxiety. Stop, nothing more than friends seeing one another. Just for an hour, and then ill be in my bed. I got up, walking over towards the bar/coffee bar and ordering a decaf expresso. I'd need it.

Quinn walked in, looking around and looked adorable, looking at the somewhat bare cafe. I smiled, throwing him a hand as I walked back to my seat. Expresso in hand. "Hi." I said sitting down across from him. He smiled softly, as a waiter came over. "Ill have a decaf too." he said and the waiter went away.

Quinn stared at my hands, waiting for one of us to say something. I chuckled softly, rubbing my eyes. "How have you been Quinn? How is the season going so far?" I questioned sipping my drink. "It's good. I think this year will be good. And i've been doing great. Things have been looking up, you?" He questioned setting his drink down on the saucer. I nodded, "Its been great too. I love it here, I love my job, my group of girls. It's been amazing thus far. Ive even visted it my parents more than once." I mused and he smiled. "So you paid a visit to cruella huh?" He joked and I gigged. "Yes! I made sure to keep any and all dogs out of sight." I grinned, placing my cup to my lips before sipping. "Can I ask you a question, Q?" I questioned, gaging his response. He nodded unsurely, "Did you feel like coming after me? After I left? Did you have any doubt about how we left things?" I asked, unsure of the answer.

And I miss the days

When I was young and naive

He looked down at the table, before speaking. "I did. But, I knew you deserved better so I let you go. I knew that you needed to be here, and have a life away from skating, away from team usa, away from me. For once in your life." He stated. I shook my head, god I hate this boy sometimes. "What?" He questioned, softly grabbing my hand. I looked back up towards him, "How could you have been so blind? How didn't you see that you were everything I wanted back in 2018 and now? Why didn't you come after me or fight for me? Why didn't you protect me? Don't sit here and say for one minute that I need a life away from you and everyhting. When I already have! I've been living my life away from you, while I have been begging the universe to have you back in my life. I wanted you then, and I want you more than ever now. So don't say you weren't good for me, you were." I rasped, pulling my hand away. He could see the tears forming in my eyes and drew a shaky breath. "But we were young-" I cut him off, "Yes. We were young and naive. God, I miss those days when everyhting was new and sudden and innocent. Because, atleast I had you." I rasped, sitting up and grabbing my bag. By now the whole room had cleared, plus the bartender. Quinn grabbed my arm softly, to stop me. I looked down at it, before looking up at him.

He was now standing in front of me, and all I wanted to do was grab ahold of him in fear, he would disappear.

"I miss those days too, more than you know." he softly spoke, before doing what I had wanted him to do for so long. He kissed me with urgency, bringing us closer together. I wrapper my arms around his neck and smiled into it. I wanted him, and only him.

We broke apart, gathering our breaths. "I don't want you to leave." I murmured. He hummed in agreemant, before taking my hand and walking us out into the hotel lobby. "Wait - what are you doing?" I asked Quinn as he walked us up to the front desk. "Good evening, can we get a room for two for tonight?" Quinn asked, and the front desk lady could tell I was confused. She smiled softly, reaching for a room key and Quinn settled the rest.

We took the elevator up, not being able to be more than six feet apart. He kissed my neck, causing me to giggle. "Woah there huggy, how much did you have to drink?" I grinned, pulling him off the elevator and to our room.

We walked into our room, immediately pulling off our shoes and his jacket. I paused for a second, pulling at my zipper, which started coming undone instantly. I then felt his warm hands, move my hand so he could pull it the rest of the way down. Hands softly pulled my dress off, and I stepped out of it. I turned around and grinned, unbuttoning his dress shirt as he worked on his pants. We were two teenagers in love. Running from the wolves. High on adrenaline, alcohol and the act of sneaking around.

He pulled me in, walking us back towards the bed and I giggled as he pushed us onto it. I turned over onto my side, so I could straddle him. I placed my hands on his chest, and held them there for a second to take in this moment. This moment, we had been waiting for for years. It was actually happening again.

"You ok?" He asked tracing a soft hand on my thigh, making me feel even more comfortable. I nodded smiling, before reconnecting our lips.

It was the following morning, as I laid in the hotel room alone, where I couldn't help but feel on cloud 9. Quinn had left an hour after we slept together, and he told me to keep the room for the night. He told me that he wanted to see me again before he left this afternoon, but I wasn't sure with my brunch plans, if that would work. If not, I told him i'd be in Michigan when the Canucks came to play Detroit, becauseI know Ellen would hate for me to miss it. He smiled, giving me many kisses before he went off into the night.

I wanted all of it. I wanted him, share his life's biggest moments, his life up in Vancouver. I wanted everything with him, and from what he said last night after everything, made it seem like he wanted me there too. He wanted me, again- as if he never wanted me. He promised, me this time he would communicate more, he would show me that he wanted me and he would defend me when the situation presented itself. He wouldn't leave me high and dry.

But I know every chapter must end, for a new one to begin. Yet, this life is so unpredicatable. This story that I have created, is not perfect, and it never will be. But I know, that the best is yet to come. I can close my eyes, and see the life I want and the best part of my story is about to begin. The thrill that is new, exciting and going to take my breath away. You never know.

KIND of alluding to Oliva Rodrigos latest song from her disney show: You Never Know. buttttttt. I hope you guys enjoyed, please reblog and like. :)

Some tags: @cuttergauth @hugheshugs @jayda12

#Quinn hughes #Quinn Hughes x au #Quinn Hughes fic #Quinn hughes blurb #Quinn Hughes imagine #nhl #hockey #nhl imagine #hockey imagine #nhl blurb #hockey blurb #sour hockey imagines

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