#my sex is so much more complex than that and I can guarantee someone interested in women would not find what they are looking for in me
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conflating sexual orientation with genital preference is just so weird to me. I told someone I was gay last night and they asked if I was into dick or pussy, and it completely short circuited my brain as I tried to explain that it's about gender, not genitals. It feels like if instead of asking someone if they liked coffee or tea, asking if they liked opaque or clear hot beverages. Like, I like tea with milk and also without, and I like coffee with cream but also espresso, but not black coffee? And in that same way, if someone is just squicked out by tea with milk that's completely valid for them, but to then extrapolate their own experience outward and define a tea drinker as someone who doesn't like milk is both a logical fallacy and reductive of the human experience. Gender and sex is so much more complex than that and I can't fathom trying to reduce it down to such a false binary.
#this was something I felt even before I realized I was trans#there's no difference in my attraction to cis or trans men#and it's weird cause it was at a queer party but several comments throughout the night were people equating gender and genitals#like a lesbian saying she was put off by seeing dicks in a movie#and inside I was like “well were they straight male dicks? lesbian dicks? gay dicks?”#as a gay man I am attracted to the latter by association#and when it's either of the former it puts me off because that's not who I'm into!#but to see it as this separate thing feels weirdly dehumanizing#again: genital preference is a valid thing for people to experience#but to equate that to gender preference just feels like a completely unfounded comparison#my sex is so much more complex than that and I can guarantee someone interested in women would not find what they are looking for in me#I used to think sex was a much more solid thing#but learning more about biology and then transitioning have taught me that it is a highly mutable and complex phenomenon#this is sort of a vent about feeling somewhat dysphoric from people's comments but moreso than that just genuine bafflement#t
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hummmm madara ?
Thank you for the ask!
1. Favourite thing about them
He is fucking insane in the best way! Have you ever seen someone so dramatic or iconic. He is obsessive and unhinged, and the only sane person for miles. He is completely right, but also wrong about everything. He loves it when people beat the shit out of him, and he gives off the most feral power bottom energy I've ever seen lmao! He's just sksksjsb. He's also such a complex character who is allowed to be kind and cruel, and flawed and yah just aaaahhh I have no coherent thoughts about him at this point, I just love him!
2. Least favourite thing about them
He'd be down for colonising the other great nations in the name of peace. His entire philosophy is become so powerful that you can force people to submit to peace. I understand if there is a 100% guaranteed plan where true ever lasting peace can be achieved, but that's not the case with politics, and yh I don't need to explain why forcefully occupying other nations is bad lol. Also it's not his fault but he's kind of dumb. The Infinite Tsukuyomi plan is so short sighted, like how is humanity supposed to reproduce and survive for starters. It would have been more interesting if he took away people's free will and forced them under his peace that way.
3. Favourite line
Literally anything that has come out of his mouth ever!
4. brOTP
Izuna!!!! Listen I care about 2 things maybe, and the brotherly relationship between Madara and Izuna is definitely one of them! I have no coherent thoughts, I just have to hold them up like DO YOU SEE?!!
Also Hikaku!! Childhood friends, coworkers, divorced couple. What is there not to love about them?!
5. OTP
For the record I don't ship him with anyone romantically, and I do prefer this ship to be on some level of platonic. But Hashimada! They have a bond that transcends definition. I'd call them soulmates but that doesn't quite capture it. The star-crossed tragedy of it all gets me ngl. I do think their bond holds more depth and value if it's not romantic, because having attraction thrown into the mix waters it down. Having no other reason to feel as strongly and be as selfish as they are about each other, than the simple fact that the other person sees and shares their dream. (And when they choose not to be selfish it's even more tragic).
But I also think it's hilarious if Madara is living out this unrequited romeo and juliet narrative, acting like some scorned lover, while Hashirama is just like you are my best friend, you are my gift from the divine, you are half of my soul. And Madara thinks he doesn't care as much because he doesn't want him romantically (or what he perceives to be romantically) lmao. Clowns (affectionate).
Also they have good sexual chemistry, and they give me big platonic life partner vibes. But also that whole thing where they have sex, and while it is about attraction, it's less about romance and more about companionship. Maybe I'm biast about the whole anti romance thing lol, but that is peak Hashimada content for me and I will eat it up like nothing else!
6. nOTP
Mad*tobi. Next lol.
But no this ship makes no sense to me, I don't enjoy their chemistry in any way shape or form, and whenever I come across it I feel physically sick. I hate everything about it. The relationship I think is most important to Madara (and that I care most about) is his relationship with Izuna. Izuna is also my favourite character, and it physically pains me to even think about Madara so much as considering spitting on his brother’s memory like that. I just can't. I do get why people ship it tho, and all the people who do ship it that I've interacted with are all so lovely!💖 I just personally cannot stomach it.
(Also Madara is entirely obsessed with Hashirama, I can't fathom in what circumstance he'd ever settle for his brother's murderer instead).
7. Random headcannon
He is immune from fire of all kind. As a kid he'd probably crawl into fireplaces because it's warm and toasty lol. He also sets himself on fire if he can't be asked to wash himself, rationalising that that's how you sanitise shit! (Izuna is embarrassed to be related to him sometimes lmao).
8. Unpopular Opinion
I don't think this is actually unpopular, but despite having big dick energy he's small ~.~ I'm talking no bigger than 5', and that's the most I'll ever give him lol.
9. Song I associate with them
For my sake, by Shinedown. (Also my number one song about Madara being angry at Hashirama, aka my favourite genre of hashimada music lol). it just fits perfectly, the lyrics, the emotions, the sound, and just the general vibe. Also it slaps!
10. Favourite picture of them
Of course.😌💅
#ask game#madara#uchiha madara#izuna#hashirama#hikaku#tobirama#hashimada#anti madatobi#naruto#naruto founders
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The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 8
I have spent fucking all day on this fic, mostly thinking up ways to get y/n to Wolf Trap without Will actually kidnapping her. This is what I came up with.
Will takes y/n to Wolf Trap to hide out while the investigation continues.
@deadman-inc-bikeshop @viviace and @dovahdokren
Trigger warnings: mention of substance abuse, ptsd, sex trafficking
“The first priority is keeping you close and keeping you safe.” Will stood up suddenly and reached for his coat. “Come on.”
“Huh?” you interjected. “What are you talking about?”
“I have a place near here. Just outside of Quantico, surrounded by farmland.” He explained. “I guarantee you nobody will come looking for you there.”
“Can we at least stop at my apartment first?” You begged. “I should probably get my computer, and like, clothes and stuff.”
“Sure.” Will conceded. “Do you have a phone?”
“Uh, yeah?” You pulled your phone from your pocket.
“Turn off location services and shut it off.” He instructed. “We can’t risk anyone finding you.”
“Am I being kidnapped?” You said, half joking.
“I’d rather our one lead be kidnapped by an agent then murdered by a sex slave.” Will said, dryly, as he gathered up his things. “Come on.”
Thoroughly not caring whether you lived or died, you followed him down the hall to the lab where Jack was inspecting a corpse. He knocked on the window, catching Jack and Dr. Katz’s attention.
“I’m taking her to Wolf Trap for the night.” Will said in an authoritative voice that didn’t match his harmless exterior. “She’ll be safe there.”
Jack looked at Will and then looked at you. He seemed offended on your behalf that Will was talking about you like you were a box of Fabergé eggs and not a person. “And you’re okay with this?”
“He raises a good point.” You shrugged. “Unless you think he’s going to kill me.”
“The alternative is prison protective custody.” Will added. “And we shouldn’t let anyone have the slightest notion that we imprison people who need help. We’re not the ICE.”
Jack tried to keep his eye roll subtle, but you noticed. This wasn’t the first time Will had done this, and Jack didn’t seem concerned enough to worry you. “Fine.”
With Jack’s reluctant permission, Will escorted you from the building. Like a gentleman, he opened the passenger’s side door for you before starting the car. You settled into a less-than-comfortable silence that lasted until you reached the main road.
“What is a borrasca?” He asked, out of nowhere.
“I’m sorry?” You said.
“A borrasca.” He repeated. “When you were talking to Jack, you mentioned it and looked at me like you expected me to know what it was.”
“Oh. Borrasca.” You answered. “It’s a horror story. About a group of kids who live in a small town in the Ozarks. There’s an urban legend around the town about monsters living in abandoned mines, but they investigate and find out it’s a sex trafficking ring run by a rich family and the corrupt local police.”
“How does it end?”
You couldn’t tell if he was humoring you or if he was actually interested, but you told him anyway. “The ending is kind of bittersweet. The kids grow up, but they’re traumatized beyond any hope of repair. One is a heroin addict, another suffers from severe PTSD and the other is paralyzed. But they’re together again and the sex trafficking ring was exposed.”
“So you think it’s sex trafficking?” Will posed, after a moment of pondering what to ask.
“I’m not sure what else it could be.” You shook your head, keeping your gaze fixed on the road. “Other than a power trip for Chase to stroke his god complex.”
“I’m going to need directions to your apartment.” He said. “So just, let me know where to turn when we’re getting close.”
“Sure.” You nodded, fairly sure he was asking for directions on purpose as to not use the GPS. “Take a right when you get to Euclid Drive and then it’s a straight shot down Chandler Street. I can tell you when to stop.”
Will followed your instructions and soon enough you pulled up in front of your apartment complex.
“Try to be quick, okay?” He said as you opened the door. “Only take what you need.”
You hurried up the stairs, unlocked your door and found a large enough bag. You tore into your dresser, stuffing handfuls of random clothes into the bag. You moved on to the bathroom and slid everything on top of the sink into the bag. You shoved your laptop and its charger into the bag. That was probably everything.
After making sure to triple check the locks on your way out, you returned to Will’s car. You shoved the bag in the backseat and pulled yourself into the car like you’d just robbed a bank.
“Alright, I’m all set.” You slammed the door shut. “Let’s go.”
He put the car in reverse. “Thank you for being so understanding.”
You decided to play dumb. “Oh, I usually travel light anyway.”
“I mean, putting your trust in me.” He specified. “I know you didn’t have much choice, but still. I can’t imagine how scary this must be for you.”
You doubted that, but you kept it to yourself. “I appreciate you saying that. For the sake of transparency, I think I should tell you that I definitely feel safe around you.”
“You don’t have to say that.” He shook his head. “You watched me shoot someone dead tonight. I wouldn’t blame you if you were scared-”
“I’m not lying.” You interrupted. “I can’t explain it, and maybe it’s just because you saved my life, but I... I trust you.”
“You figured this out from a few hours?” he said, skeptically.
“In my defense,” You began. “It’s been a very eventful few hours.”
The car came to a stop as the light turned red. Will examined your profile. “You’ve lived more lives in the last six hours than most people live over the course of years.”
“But my last six hours is your life.” You countered. “So what does that say about you?”
“That I understand you.” Will fixed his eyes back on the road. “Maybe you’re just a little bit too much like me.”
You tilted your head onto the window and watched the lights roll by. You felt yourself beginning to doze off when a familiar sound filled the silent car.
It’s a long story, but one you’ve never heard before. This story is about a place that dwells in the mountain. A place where bad things happen.
You turned your head and looked at Will with a smile.
“What?” He laughed softly. “We have a long drive ahead of us.”
You closed your eyes, letting yourself relax in the presence of this familiar stranger and the comforting thriller. You only opened them again when Will gently shook you awake.
“Hey.” He whispered, watching you struggle against sleep. “We’re here.”
You tried to pull yourself awake but instead found a slightly more comfortable position and shut your eyes again.
He put his hand on your shoulder and shook a little harder. “I made up the couch for you. I promise it’s more comfortable than the car.”
This time, you forced your eyes awake. Any flat surface that wasn’t made of thumbtacks sounded inviting to you. You pushed the passenger’s door open and wobbled on your legs.
“Let me just grab my shit-” You mumbled, feeling around for the handle.
“It’s already taken care of.” Will told you, locking the car. He draped your arm over his shoulders and guided you towards the house. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.”
#will graham x you#will graham x reader#hannigram x reader#hannibal x reader x will#hannibal x you#hannibal x you x will#the sommelier#tw addiction#tw substances
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my thoughts and opinions on "lovely writer": criticizing the critic
tw for discussions of age gaps, rape, and sex
before i turn into the mean and constantly dissatisfied archer that we all know and hate, i just want to say that i liked this show. i think it's great, actually! gene and sib are appropriately cute, the premise is nice, and the attempt at criticizing the industry is... well, an attempt, which is better than nothing. moreover, "lovely writer" came with gifts because it gave me my new favorite character, so you can't go telling me i'm trying to completely obliterate it or something.
besides, this specific post isn't going to get into analyzing the show as a whole anyway. i won't be talking about any irrelevant plot points, cinematography, sound design, or anything like that, though i could probably write a post just as long as this one about that side of things as well. however, i am here to specifically look at the problematic things that were both criticized by the show and included in the show without any criticism. i'm going to talk about the more serious side of things here, which means i'm going to get serious. and i'm going to be harsh. very harsh.
gene and nubsib: yes's and no's
overall, the relationship between gene and sib was a fair attempt at showing something complex, yet ultimately quite healthy, which i appreciate. there were some things i was especially glad about. the fact that sib dated other people before settling on getting together with gene, for example, makes the whole situation a little less codependent. however, as much as this show prides itself on not wanting to romanticize problematic relationships, there are at least two major problems with genesib.
the age gap (and why it was not needed)
i've tried my very best to give this entire concept the benefit of the doubt. at first, i was convincing myself that they were simply close childhood friends, then i was trying my best to believe that even though sib did have a sort of crush on gene (which sometimes happens to little children), gene only saw him as his younger brother, but eventually, the show gave me no choice, but to deem the entire storyline problematic, because they did their best to romanticize that relationship - from gene's dad seeing the "early signs" to the counting and kissing the cheek turning to counting and full-on lip-locking in the last episode.
i could go into how this could all easily be mended if little sib was shown as kind of obsessed with his older friend, but gene was shown as not being anywhere near interested in the kid. but the real question is - why was the age gap needed at all?
i've researched the age of the boys during the flashbacks to the best of my ability and it seems that gene is 11 and sib is 6 or 7. if sib was the same age as gene (or maybe just one year younger, but not any more than that), not only would none of it feel weird, it would also be quite appropriate to explore that first glimpse of romantic feelings some of us experience exactly around that age. i don't think it's necessary for sib to be much younger than gene (children can be just as impressionable at 11 as they are at 7, and as for gene being surprisingly nice and helpful and the other kids not wanting to play with sib, he could have easily been - for example - bullied by his peers instead, which would have the same effect).
moving forward to the present, i don't think the lack of an age gap would affect the storyline that much either. even if they desperately needed sib to be a university student, they could have that one-year difference i've talked about before, which is not as significant. sib could be in his last year of uni, while gene could have easily written his very first novel during his university years, which would actually make more sense (since that guaranteed him employment and freedom to write after he finished uni; and i would rather believe that he had time to write his first novel in-between classes than in-between shifts at work, which he would surely need to have if he started writing after finishing university).
so that brings me back to my initial question - why was it needed? and much like the show often does, i will leave this one up for your interpretation because i do not have any sensible answers myself.
the issue with sex and consent
"but archer!" - i hear you exclaim - "lovely writer is known for explicitly denouncing rape romanticization in bls, how could there possibly be any problems with consent here?" and i hear you, my dear reader. and you aren't incorrect, "lovely writer" is indeed very explicit at calling out bls for having rape scenes (and i do appreciate that). however, as i'm sure you know, there are different ways in which consent can be taken from a person, and there are different non-consensual acts that someone might perform. for example, there are many different forms of coercion, such as the person being persuaded until they feel like they have no other choice, but to say yes. touching someone or kissing someone without asking for permission are also non-consensual acts. i can go on and on, there are many examples outside of what so many people consider rape.
now, what if i tell you that though there (thank the gods) has been no rape present in "lovely writer", not all scenes with gene and sib are consensual? well, that's what i'm telling you because it's the truth. both the first kissing scene and the scene where gene and sib "try out different poses" have clear coercion in them. the entire "joke" of the scene before gene and sib's first time is literally built upon the concept of "a person is trying to run away from someone, who wants to have sex with them" and it is NOT funny. the later reveal of gene actually looking up how to have sex seems to be there on purpose, to show that everything that's happened is "ok" because gene was thinking about it. as a sensible person, i will only accept actual enthusiastic consent and not someone possibly maybe probably considering it. not to mention that right before having sex, sib asks gene one last time if he is sure, which is great, except it is immediately followed by "i'm not going to let you change your mind anymore", which - daily reminder - you are allowed to stop having sex at any point during the act if you start feeling uncomfortable with it. that's absolutely normal.
now the problem that we seem to run into here is that "lovely writer" appears to think that it's ok to push someone to the limit until they either finally agree or confidently and loudly disagree. the drama has repeatedly shown us that actually forcing someone to have sex is not ok; however, persuading and otherwise coercing someone, as well as taking an approximate guess of them wanting to have sex based on some marginally related factors, is ok. i would like to once again remind everyone that all of that is not ok.
one more issue i want to bring up in connection with sex is something i wish was common knowledge: it is NOT supposed to hurt during your first time. whether you are planning to have vaginal or anal sex for the first time, it should not hurt. and if it does, something has definitely gone wrong and you need to stop. you are not supposed to experience any pain or discomfort during sex, including your first time (outside of desired and therefore intentionally inflicted pain, but that's not what i'm talking about here). i have seen this misconception brought up many times in bls along with the other person "thanking the person who got hurt for bearing the pain to bring them pleasure" and absolutely none of that is normal. stop. please, just... stop.
criticism of the BL industry
there are certainly quite a few things i liked about the way "lovely writer" criticized the many problems that surround bls. i think they dealt especially well with the fan aspect. the breaches of privacy that are considered normal, the toxicity of social media that encourages people to comment on other people's personal life, harass and stalk them - all of that was shown in its full glory (or rather horror) and clearly condemned. it was also interesting to see how easily everyone around sib fell into the routine of having to hide genesib's relationship, just because "that's what's supposed to be done in these situations" - even tum did that without thinking twice.
however, i have not spent the past three years hating gmm for a show trying to criticize the industry not to focus on criticizing the production company and everyone professionally involved with the making of bls. don't get me wrong - they didn't completely overlook that side of things, but i found the way they approached it dissatisfying.
like yes, tum fights with his sister (aka sib's manager) and calls her out for her terrible actions, and the publisher (bua) eventually apologizes for what she did, but all of that feels a bit too... personal. i do not care about these individual stories. i care about you saying that the whole system is broken because it very much is. i wanted manner of death but with the bl industry, and instead, i got an "uwu the fans are demanding we do this, and our hands our tied" (which is a lie) and "uwu i'm just trying to make money" (which i mean... if you feel ok milking even more money than you already have by doing something unethical and immoral, then be my guest, but also go fuck yourself). besides that, i didn't see any criticism of tabloids or exploitative celebrities either (both of which we had examples of in the show), and that was kind of disappointing.
coming back to the fans for a moment, i also think that the criticism of real people shipping was entirely unsuccessful. we basically mostly got an "oh, what if this person's partner thinks they are actually dating", which... if a bunch of people on the internet who do not know your boyfriend personally and make all their judgments from screenshots and their imagination can convince you that your boyfriend is cheating, i've got some bad news for you and also a number for a therapist. partly i know why it was so complicated for them to get into it properly - the issue with real people shipping is an issue of privacy, boundaries, the perception of celebrities, acceptable interests, and many other complex topics. however, it's better to not criticize something than to criticize it badly and inaccurately (because the latter usually leads to even more encouragement of whatever you were attempting to criticize).
aey: the flamboyant villain
aey certainly starts as a promisingly complex character, but the farther we go from his backstory and his family, the less complex and the more evil he gets. eventually, the trauma he goes through is no longer enough to give him a get-out-of-jail-free card, and he loses all remaining sympathy after sexually harassing gene and pretending to drug sib. and i did start this post by saying that i am not to analyze any plot points or characters from the show here; however, i'm saying all this to prove a point that aey is a clear villain in the show. this is further cemented by the fact that by the end of the show he loses the only two people who cared about him, and the very last moment with him in the show is literally just him crying for about 3 minutes. there was no redemption arc, no pity, no revenge - he was left alone and broken, clearly punished by the narrative. and i've got a bone to pick here as well.
one of the first things that we find out about aey is that he is gay, and quite openly so. he is repeatedly described as very feminine by many characters, he flirts with men, he talks about being good in bed, and his entire character is built upon being gay (half of it directly, and the other half due to the fact that his entire backstory and therefore personality is also built upon the fact that he is gay). he is - for the lack of a better term - the gayest character in the show and the only one who is loud about being gay not because he is in love but simply because it is a part of him and he doesn't want to hide it. and he is the villain. not the disgusting publisher or the terrible manager - no, this guy was specifically chosen to ruin everyone's lives. and i can't say i'm particularly happy about that. *british voice* seems a bit homophobic love
not quite queer enough
as i said, aey is openly gay. gene and sib also eventually say that they are gay, gene's father teep is queer, so are tiffy and mhok. but it just doesn't seem to come up as much as it would in real life. the only time anyone has a problem with any of the characters being queer is when we deal with the parents. but knowing actual queer thai actors in real life, we are all aware how hard it can be for them, but it has not come up even once for aey, gene or sib (with genesib only being a problem because they are a "non-shippable couple"). being queer is far from being a non-issue in the industry, and i found it incredibly weird that it was never brought up (and i would also prefer if they brought that up instead of showing the unaccepting parents plot for the millionth time).
same goes for the lack of conversation around queer people on set. i think we all have a wonderful example of how much better a bl can get simply when it involves a queer director and/or screenwriter (gods bless p'aof), gay actors, etc. i also thought it was a missed opportunity that gene being a gay man writing a bl novel was never highlighted. if anything, everyone made a big deal out of him being a man writing a bl - never mind that he is a gay man that is far more qualified to write bls than a straight woman.
in conclusion, there are simply not enough queer issues talked about here for a show that is about queer people facing difficulties while making a queer drama.
tiffy and tum: the good, the bad, and the ugly
overall, tiffy and tum are quite cool. outside of my own personal feelings, i really liked the clear reversal of gender roles they have going on: he knows lots about make-up, she knows nothing about it, he knows how to sew, she knows how to repair a car, etc.
tiffy is also a nice addition to the precious few queer girls we have in bls. however, the way her being bi is executed... it isn't great. when she first talks about dating girls to tum, she says things like "even though i look like this" (implying queer girls have a certain look?) and "maybe it seemed normal because i was at an all-girls school" (which wtf does that even mean?). i think the worst thing, though, was when she assumed tum was gay. my best guess is she thought so because she initially thought that tum and gene were a couple; however, she should be the first person to know that just because he likes men, it doesn't mean that he doesn't like women or any other gender. even though there was nothing explicitly leading me to make this conclusion, this whole thing did kind of feel like the old "flipping the switch" stereotype (meaning, she used to like women, but now she likes men, and both of them can't happen simultaneously).
make it make sense
i think i've never been more confused in my entire life than when i found out that the director of "lovely writer" also happens to be the director of "th*arnt*pe". and if at first, i was asking a lot of questions about this peculiar individual, who went from working on the worst rape-romanticizing show we have ever had to a show that explicitly states that rape is not normal. but the more i thought about it, the less i was interested in him, and the more i was interested in whoever made the decision to hire him. there are dozens of different directors that have worked specifically on bls, and even more that haven't. yet out of all those, you decided to choose this one. the dude, who before your show has only directed the show with the biggest rape-y vibes. that casts a particular kind of shade on the entire show that i simply do not like.
conclusion
at the end of the day, i think what "lovely writer" tried to do was very interesting. it succeeded in some ways and failed in others. frankly, i think this show could have easily been made better if someone queer was involved in making it. that's always true, but especially so, when we try to talk about the issues of making a queer drama. either way, it's certainly a good start to this conversation; however - as i said - i'm still waiting for my manner of death but with the bl industry. this was unfortunately not it.
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Hi, I hope your doing okay😊, Could you write sfw and nsfw headcanons whole team natsu in a relationship with a fem s/o? Thank you!
Hi there! Sorry this one took me so long I had a hard time with the SFW headcanons. The NSFW ones are a bit longer hope you don’t mind. Also like my last poly team natsu post this one sort of left out wendy just cause she’s a kid.
SFW:
- So you never once thought that you would be able to manage getting one partner not to mention 4! Yes honey that's correct, 4! Gray, Natsu, Erza, and Lucy. And dear Celestial King did you love them.
- You go on all together dates, then sometimes threesome dates or just one on ones. But you were all together and very happy!
- All 5 of you being in a relationship sometimes made things just a little more complex. For instance anniversaries. You all had one anniversary together and then a one on one anniversary. Your individual anniversaries usually happened on days where something special happened in your bond with each other.
- When you went on dates with all 4 of them they might take you to see fireworks or on a picnic or to do something as a group. When you just went with one or two of them it ranged depending on who it was picking the activity.
- Lucy liked calm dates to a coffee shop or on a walk around the city to shop. She was into lowkey things because her chaotic life in Fairytail left her very little time to be chill. You guys would often read together or cook and eat a homemeal. If you wanted quiet time she was the person to go to (although Natsu regularly interrupted your fun).
- Erza was somewhat laid back with her approaches of dating. She had these visions of what a perfect romantic day would consist of almost like a little girl dreaming of her future. You found it adorable… until she started beating up people for ruining her picnic. She often took you to dinner at fancy restaurants and to festivals in town where she would buy way too much stuff. If you guys stayed home you would probably try on her armor cause she insisted you looked amazing in it. Training dates too where she would teach you to use all sorts of swords.
- Gray wasn’t really the ‘take you out on a date’ type he was more of a ‘spontaneous hang out’ person. He’d probably show up in your apartment claiming he was bored and no one else was around and play a board game with you. Sometimes he would be waiting for you outside so you could walk to the guild together. He wasn’t interested in setting up a time and getting all dressed up just to see someone who you’ve already seen in sweats and a stained t-shirt a thousand times. But occasionally on special occasions like individual anniversary days he would take you dancing in a nice setting or to a fancy dinner where he bought you a dress the day before hand and slipped a bracelet on your wrist when you arrived.
- Natsu was the most adventurous with dates so far. He wanted to go on a job as a date then get dinner at some crazy all you can eat buffet afterwards. Or you guys would climb a mountain to find some crazy creature just so he could fight it. He took you out to eat a lot but it was mostly a lot of him stuffing his face and you talking about whatever you're interested in. He was a surprisingly good listener when he eats. Sometimes dates would be chill and calm like when he and Happy go fishing while you lean on his back and fall asleep. Speaking of Happy, the little blue cat usually accompanied you guys on your dates but when you went home he flew off to spend time with Carla or Lucy. At home you guys would probably talk, sleep, he would make a mess and be his general upbeat self.
- You weren’t the strongest wizard alive and you certainly couldn’t beat your lovers but you could usually hold your own in a fight. Not that your baes would want you in a fight. The four of them happen to be extremely protective, with you and each other. So expect to get very little action time. They’re just so scared to lose you or that you’ll get hurt. Sometimes it's kinda funny but at the same time you don’t want to be treated like just some kid that can’t defend themselves so at the very least they could let you fight your own battles. They agree that you should be able to fight for yourself and even offer to help you train. It’s been a while since that ridiculous protective mode kicked in for any of them (and you) but if you or one of them were to get hurt then it would be the end of times for whoever caused it. (ok not really but there would be repercussions).
Spicy time ;)
NSFW:
- Sometimes a fivesome is a bit too much to deal with so you often break off into groups of two or three.
- When having sex with Natsu he likes to make it fun and often likes to singe your sheets a bit, liking how the smell of smoke mixes with your own. His heightened sense of smell makes it all the more fun since he can literally smell when you like something and just how much. He’s always gonna find the sweetest spots on your body and it’s a guarantee that you’re going to cum more than once. He wants to exhaust you. Natsu loves the afterglow and finds that lying with you afterwards completely at ease is his favorite part of the whole experience.
- Kink wise he’s probably into praising you as you ‘take control’. Natsu’s not really the type to be into harsher play, he’s seen his friends hurt enough and wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he was the one to seriously hurt them. An exception would probably be bruises in the shapes of his hands right around your hips. Instead of being extra rough and kinky he switches things up a bit by letting you take the reins. Although if you tease him too much or he gets the feeling that you're forgetting who's really in charge he’ll quickly flip things around and remind you that he’s the top in the relationship.
- Grey is different in the way that he doesn’t mind if you get mouthy or tease him a little. He finds it entertaining when you're on top since you're so submissive like when you're out of bed and he could easily take control. So he has no problem laying back and letting you ride or suck him and chase your own pleasure however you please. But his favorite way to have you is with you on your hands and knees as he fucks you fast and hard.
- For gray’s kinks I imagine that he’d be pretty kinky, but only for some things. Gray would probably be into being tied up and trying to break free. He would also love it if you choked on his dick and it would especially turn him on when there are tears of pleasure and overstimulation in your eyes. He likes to be edged and edge you for hours till either of you finally get your release.
- Erza is actually soft when it comes to sex which she prefers to call it making love. She believes that it’s an opportunity to be intimate and close, to be vulnerable and expose yourself to another. It’s a high form of respect and she wants to treat you with respect. Slow sensual kissing, comforting massages that turn into more, slow grinds and hands everywhere. Having sex with Erza isn’t about kinks or doing a quickie, it’s all about you. Erza wants to worship you in every way possible and occasionally she’ll let you worship her too.
- Lucy on the other hand can go either way. Sex can be calm and sweet and meaningful, or it can be fast and rough and simply about pleasure. She can be a top or a bottom depending on the situation. With slow sex she likes to top because it really gives her a chance to show how much she loves you. When it’s rough though she could top but really actually likes being a bottom.
- This girl is kinky af! She’s into just about everything with some probably obvious exceptions. Bondage? Absolutely! Tie her up, bend her into different positions, overstimulate her to the point of tears. Public? Sure. Although she probably wouldn’t do it on a stage, a quick closet session where you’d have to hold your hands over your mouths to keep quiet would be thrilling. Toys? Yes! She will wear a collar for you and she will also sit at the guild all day with a toy in her. Her favorite kink though? Degradation/dirty talk. Pretty sure that has a bit of voice kink mixed in but it doesn’t really matter since she’s crying out as she cums anyway. She wants to be called a dirty slut as you pull her hair and finger her. She wants you to whisper all the things you’ll do to her in her ear. She can’t help but love the fierceness in your tone and the fake hardness in your eyes.
- All together sex is usually more fun but also super overstimulating since your all receiving several people's attention at once. You can’t bring yourself to mind however as you always feel satisfied in the end. When it’s all five of you together it’s usually just vanilla sex but occasionally some dirty stuff slips under the radar. You usually act as a bottom/switch in these occasions only ever really conscious enough to find pleasure for yourself. The rest is just a haze of bliss that comes then takes forever to leave when you're done (not that you mind however).
- Aftercare is very important to all of them and is crucial for all types of sex. They simply won’t allow you to sleep on sticky sheets or covered in cum. Most of the time you’re to out of it to really care but once they come to they move you to the (large enough to fit 5 people *wink* *wink*) bathtub for a nice relaxing bath while they change the sheets. They then often join you and cuddle until drying off and making your way back to the fresh bed.
#fairy tail#fairytail#ft headcanon#natsu#natsu dragneel#natsu dragon slayer#natsu headcanon#natsu x reader#natsu x lucy#natsu x erza#natsu x gray#lucy#lucy heartfilia#lucy heartfilia headcanon#lucy x reader#lucy x erza#lucy x gray#erza#fairy tail erza#erza titania#erza scarlet#erza scarlet headcanon#erza x reader#erza x gray#gray#gray fullbuster#gray fullbuster headcanons#gray x reader#natsu dragneel x reader#lucy heartfilia x reader
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Strange the Dreamer. By Laini Taylor. New York: Little, Brown Books, 2017.
Rating: 4/5 stars
Genre: YA fantasy
Part of a Series? Yes, Strange the Dreamer #1
Summary: The dream chooses the dreamer, not the other way around— and Lazlo Strange, war orphan and junior librarian, has always feared that his dream chose poorly. Since he was five years old he’s been obsessed with the mythic lost city of Weep, but it would take someone bolder than he to cross half the world in search of it. Then a stunning opportunity presents itself, in the person of a hero called the Godslayer and a band of legendary warriors, and he has to seize his chance or lose his dream forever.
What happened in Weep two hundred years ago to cut it off from the rest of the world? What exactly did the Godslayer slay that went by the name of god? And what is the mysterious problem he now seeks help in solving?
The answers await in Weep, but so do more mysteries—including the blue-skinned goddess who appears in Lazlo’s dreams. How did he dream her before he knew she existed? And if all the gods are dead, why does she seem so real?
***Full review under the cut.***
Content Warnings: blood, violence, drug use, rape, sexual slavery, abduction and imprisonment
Overview: I really enjoyed Laini Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy, so I decided to give her new work a go. Overall, I also really enjoyed Strange the Dreamer because it had a lot of things that are characteristic of Taylor’s writing that I love - lush, lyrical prose; tragic, star-crossed love; a political conflict involving otherworldly creatures. The reason why I’m giving this book 4 instead of 5 stars mainly has to do with the pacing and the way events played out. There wasn’t anything wrong, I think, with the way Taylor handled her story - it’s just that I felt like things started to rush to a close too quickly, and I would have liked to spend more time in the book exploring character emotions.
Writing: Taylor’s prose tends to fall into two categories: lyrical and descriptive or straight-forward and economical. Part 1 of this book is more lyrical; the metaphors are more fantastical and the prose evokes a sense of longing and fascination. Taylor really captures the feeling of being immersed in a library, surrounded by stories, as well as what it’s like to have a dream (not a dream in your sleep - more like a goal or a wish that has a small or nonexistence likelihood of coming true). Part 1 was probably my favorite part of the book for this reason, as subsequent sections tended to lose that lyrical quality and fall into a style more typical of YA books.
Taylor’s pace is also fairly well-done in that I didn’t feel like I was being rushed or that I was plodding through the book. The only thing I would change in terms of pacing is the book’s ending; I felt a lot of things were dropped on the reader all at once, and though they were foreshadowed earlier in the book (which I very much appreciated), I tend not to like endings where too much happens.
Before I close this section, a couple of notes on descriptions and worldbuilding: though I know teenagers have sexual urges, I was a little put off by the descriptions of teenagers’ bodies in certain places. I can remember a few instances where Taylor describes the look of one character’s breasts, and though it wasn’t gratuitous, I didn’t like that these descriptions were included. I also thought the worldbuilding detail of “women get tattoos on their bellies as a rite of passage/coming of age marker when they become fertile and Sarai longs for one of her own” was a little uncomfortable. It made me feel like the world Taylor built was concerned with showcasing female reproductive capacity, and that just seems exclusionary. While it could have worked if the story was more about pushing back against reproductive regulation or exploring what such tattoos would mean for trans characters, as the book stands, that doesn’t really happen, so it was a weird detail that I felt distracted from the main themes.
Plot: This book primarily follows Lazlo Strange - an orphan who dreams of finding the lost city of Weep - and Sarai - the daughter of a dead god and a human who must hide her existence in order to stay alive. Lazlo is surprised one day when some inhabitants of Weep - led by someone called “the Godslayer” - show up in his library, asking for assistance from the land’s greatest scientists. Though Lazlo isn’t a scientist, he is the most knowledgeable person about Weep and its culture, so the Godslayer elects to take him along. Meanwhile, Sarai and several other demigods live in a secluded Sanctuary, hiding from the inhabitants of Weep so that they won’t be slain on account of their parentage.
Without spoiling anything (which is kind of hard, since there is a lot that happens), I will say that I really liked the central conflict of this book. Taylor does a good job of setting up a problem with no black-and-white solutions; it seems like everyone had a legitimate reason for acting the way they do, and no matter what happens, someone will be hurt.
But perhaps the thing I appreciated most about the plot was that Taylor never sets up a surprise twist that comes out of nowhere. I feel like I’ve read a lot of YA books that drop a bomb on the reader with no set up, and I personally feel like such twists make the story feel less cohesive. Taylor sets up all her reveals and twists by dropping hints early and frequently, and rather than make the story feel dull, I felt like they made the end emotionally fulfilling.
If I had one criticism of the plot it would be that the romance doesn’t feel genuine. Lazlo and Sarai seem to fall in love with each other too quickly, which made it seem like they got together because they just hadn’t had opportunities to meet other people. I didn’t see what they saw in each other aside from looks and special qualities like “oh, he’s able to share my dreams” or “she was kind to me when so many other people weren’t.” I wanted more out the romance, like Sarai falling for Lazlo’s kindness and Lazlo falling for Sarai’s compassion towards those who would harm her. Maybe there was some of that, but it was definitely overshadowed by lengthy descriptions of kissing, which I wasn’t much a fan of. I also wasn’t really a fan of the “dates” that they went on; some parts were cute, but overall, they dragged.
Characters: Lazlo, one of our protagonists, is likeable in that he’s pretty much the embodiment of a lot of book nerds. He starts off shy, completely absorbed with fairy tales and folklore, and loves to roam the abandoned stacks in his library. What I liked most about him, though, was his willingness to help people even if they treat him poorly. For example, there’s a character named Theryn Nero who is basically a Science Bro. He’s rich, beloved by everyone, and gets famous for cracking the secret of alchemy. While he puts himself up as the lone genius, he was actually aided by Lazlo and takes sole credit for a lot of things that Lazlo proved to be key in discovering. Lazlo, though annoyed, never lets his feelings get in the way of helping Nero when the greater good is at stake, and I really admired that.
If I had any criticisms of Lazlo, it would be that I wish his “dreamer” status or knowledge base was put to better use. After Lazlo gets to Weep, he isn’t quite as interesting as he was before, probably because he no longer needs to use his vast knowledge of stories to make his way through the world.
Sarai, our other protagonist, is fairly sympathetic in that all her problems feel undeserved. She is forced to stay locked away in a hidden Sanctuary in order to protect herself and her little found family (composed of other demigods), and though it’s for the best, it also feels stifling. I really liked that Sarai was not single-mindedly fixated on revenge for the things that happened in her past. Without spoiling anything, I will say that something happened which put the demigods and inhabitants of Weep in conflict with one another, and there is no easy solution that would guarantee that the demigods stay alive. Sarai has a lot of dreams like Lazlo - of finding family, of living a normal life, of living among the humans - but it’s not really viable for her, and instead of letting hate consume her, she tries to think up other ways of existing.
Sarai’s “family” is also charming. The group consists of 5 demigods who are the last remaining offspring of the slain gods, and all of them feel fairly complex. They all possess some kind of magical “gift”: there’s Sarai (who can produce supernatural “moths” that allow her to enter people’s dreams), Ruby (a girl who can turn herself into flames), Feral (the only boy, and he can summon clouds), Sparrow (a girl who can manipulate plants), and Minya (a girl who can make ghosts do her bidding). I liked that these characters had different personalities that often put them in conflict. Ruby is boy-crazy and seems to be obsessed with sex. Sparrow is more passive but has sweet moments where she makes a “flower cake” for Ruby’s birthday and braids Sarai’s hair. Minya is completely consumed by her desire for revenge, and it presents some real barriers to finding a solution to the group’s problems.
The supporting characters down in Weep are also fairly compelling. The Godslayer is sympathetic in that he doesn’t revel in his heroic image or title; instead, he feels complex and seemingly warring emotions tied to guilt over what happened to Weep and his role in it almost 20 years prior to the events of this book. The Godslayer’s companions are also sympathetic and have emotions that are easy to understand, and I loved that they seemed to take to Lazlo so quickly. They welcome all outsiders with open arms, but they have a soft spot for Lazlo, which I liked because it meant that he didn’t have to face bullying or gatekeeping from people he had longed to meet his entire life.
The inhabitants of the world outside of Weep were interesting. There’s Theryn Nero, who seemed like he would be a primary antagonist but doesn’t have enough “screen time” to truly be a threat. I liked that his conflict with Lazlo was low-key - it was intense enough to be annoying, but no so intense that their rivalry consumed the whole story or put petty emotions above the greater good. The other “scientists” who follow the Godslayer back to Weep served their purpose; not all of them had rich, complex lives, but they didn’t really need to because if they did, the story would feel crowded.
Overall, there weren’t any characters I disliked, per se. While I do wish Lazlo got to develop differently, there wasn’t much wrong with his character, and I think all of the main players had interesting backstories and motivations, and I appreciated the layer of complexity they all had. I do wish there had been more queer characters though. There is one wlw couple, though they aren’t too prominent in the grand scheme of things. Of course, that could change, as there is a whole second book to go through, but I wish some of the demigods had been lgbt+ so it felt like Taylor’s world wasn’t overwhelmingly straight and cis.
TL;DR: Despite some pacing problems at the end and minor details that didn’t fit my personal tastes, Strange the Dreamer is a lush, evocative fantasy about the power of dreams. Readers who enjoy epic fantasy and stories about gods, star-crossed love, and will probably adore this book.
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1083.
Do you have a vlog? If not, have you ever considered starting a vlog?
>> I don’t have a vlog and I’ve only considered it as a humorous thought exercise, not seriously. My own mannerisms and facial tics embarrass me when I’m aware of them or can see them on video, so I’d rather not put myself through that.
Did you go to AM or PM kindergarten?
>> I don’t remember. Edit: I think at one point I was going to pre-K in the morning and kindergarten in the afternoon, because they realised I was precocious or whatever, but they didn’t want to just fully skip me to kindergarten (idfk, man, teachers are weird). So I went to both at the same time, and graduated from both at the end of the year.
What are your favorite youtube channels to watch?
>> Wisecrack, Overly Sarcastic Productions, The Take, Philosophy Tube, ContraPoints, Ethys Asher, MTQCapture (just for FFXIV dungeon guides, but hers are the best), Final Fantasy Union, Implicitly Pretentious, NakeyJakey, Ask a Mortician... those are all the ones I can remember off the top of my head. I’m always looking for new channels, but it’s hard to find consistently interesting and well-made content that isn’t about things I just don’t particularly care about.
Which relative(s) do you look the most like?
>> ---
Have you ever watched a live birth video?
>> No.
Have you ever given birth?
>> Heavens, no.
Do you remember when the Internet was a new thing?
>> I vaguely remember when Internet for the casual at-home user became a thing. The Internet as a whole is a bit older than me, and I was very young when things like IRC came out.
Do you remember Y2K?
>> Yes!
How old were you when the year changed to 2000?
>> I was 12.
What was your favorite childhood vacation?
>> ---
Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender?
>> I did think I was binary trans for a few years. Now I’m completely off the gender axis and floating in todash space somewhere. As intended.
What’s your birth order: oldest, middle, or youngest?
>> I am the youngest of my father’s offspring.
Do you fit the stereotype for whatever birth order you are?
>> I think if there’s any stereotype I’d be liable to fit, it’d be only-child stereotypes, since that’s how I was raised (my father’s other children were decades older than me and I barely knew them).
Have you ever worn overalls?
>> Yeah.
If you’re a girl, how old were you when you started your period?
>> I’m not a girl, but I was 11 or so.
Do you get cramps?
>> I did. Awful ones, too, the kind that would incapacitate me (sometimes in public...). Which is the primary reason why I started taking the Pill -- I didn’t dare to hope that it would get rid of periods altogether, but I was very relieved and happy when it did.
Is your mom mentally stable?
>> ---
Is your dad a complete jerk to you?
>> ---
Where do you want to go on vacation next?
>> I would love to go on a vacation to anywhere, but that’s not feasible right now.
What is one place you want to visit before you die?
>> *shrug*
Has anyone ever committed suicide in your town, that you know of?
>> I mean, I’m sure someone has, but I don’t know anything about it.
What’s your favorite type of crackers?
>> Oh, god, I forgot what they’re called. But they’re long and thin and rectangular and they come in flavours like garlic and rosemary. Also, matzo. Love matzo, particularly the egg and onion kind.
What’s your favorite spice?
>> I really couldn’t say.
Are you sensitive?
>> Way more so than I’d thought I was. Turns out a complex system of protections and defense mechanisms was shielding a very soft core. (Thank god. As much as they can and do backfire and cause their own problems, can you imagine how much worse off I would have been without those mechanisms?)
Are you intuitive?
>> I don’t know, really. How does one measure that?
Are you spiritual?
>> Maybe. I don’t really know what people mean when they use that word, so I’m hesitant to say one way or the other.
Do you wish your life were easier?
>> My life isn’t particularly difficult at this juncture. I just have... a very small window of tolerance and take things a lot harder as a result. I don’t wish my life was easier, I wish my brain was less on fire.
What color hair did your first crush have?
>> ---
What was the name of your first crush?
>> ---
Did you ever play on Mamamedia.com?
>> No.
Do you remember your first email address?
>> Yeah, it was [email protected].
Did you name your lego characters?
>> I didn’t have LEGO. I had Tinker Toys and an Erector set, neither of which came with little people iirc.
What was/is your high school’s mascot?
>> ---
What is/was your favorite class in high school?
>> ---
Is college an adventure?
>> ---
Do you take medication for anxiety or depression? If so, does it work? Does it help you? Or does it make you feel worse?
>> I do not.
If applicable, what form of birth control do you use?
>> The Pill. Not for the birth-control function, though... not having sex covers that pretty well.
Who is your favorite cousin?
>> ---
Do you look your age?
>> According to other people, who apparently care about that sort of thing, no.
What’s your favorite flavor of frosting?
>> ---
Do you like toe socks?
>> No.
Muffins or cupcakes?
>> Cupcakes, but rarely. I just don’t like muffins period.
Have you ever had a bag stolen?
>> Probably.
How old were you when you got your first phone?
>> Seventeen.
Are you ready for summer?!?!
>> I will be in a couple of months, you can guarantee that.
Is winter your favorite season?
>> No.
How many people do you know who’ve said winter is their favorite season?
>> Quite a few, actually. I feel like I’ve encountered far more winter people than summer people. I see people complaining about warm weather constantly. I will never understand (even as a person who runs hot, I will still never understand). Even with the side effect of getting SAD in the winter, I love being solar powered.
Are you unique in any way?
>> I mean, probably.
Do you have any hidden talents?
>> No.
Has anyone said you and your mom look like sisters?
>> ---
Who was your best friend in high school?
>> ---
What book or movie gave you nightmares as a child?
>> None.
What song makes you cry?
>> Plenty, but I can’t think of one right now.
Does anyone know who your first crush was besides you?
>> ---
How many teachers have you had crushes on?
>> I was thinking about this last night. Calling the obsession I had with that one teacher a “crush” is erroneous because... the reason why I felt the way I felt about him is because he was nice to me. Literally, that was it. I was freshly traumatised (and being in and out of the hospital was just re-traumatising me), had an attachment disorder and was emotionally neglected, and was used to being treated poorly. When I told That One Teacher that I cut myself, he gave me a hug. Like... groundbreaking! No one else had responded that way! Of course I was attached to him, he actually treated me like someone who deserved kindness and care. It’s really hard not to feel crushingly sad for teenage!me (and, as an extension, current!me, who is still bearing the effects of the past) when I think about that.
Did you make your Barbie dolls get crushes on each other?
>> I don’t really remember what I did with Barbie dolls.
Did your Barbie dolls go on dates?
>> ^
How old were you when you had your first kiss?
>> ---
Do you like church?
>> Eh. Depends on the church, I guess. I’ll always have affection for Black Church(tm).
Do you have scars from self-harm?
>> Yep.
Do you have cellulite?
>> A little, I think.
How old were you when you started getting zits?
>> I had them through my teenage years.
Did your hair change at all when you went through puberty?
>> I don’t think so.
Are you taller, shorter, or the same height as your mom?
>> I’ve been taller than that woman since I was 12.
Would you ever consider adopting a child?
>> If I was ever going to raise a child, this would be the only way it’d happen.
Who was your first roommate?
>> ---
Have you ever had a teacher who was rude?
>> Yup.
Is your mom paranoid?
>> ---
Do you trim your own hair?
>> I buzz my own head, yeah.
Did your mom read you bedtime stories as a child?
>> I was not read bedtime stories as a child. I made up my own in my head instead.
What are all the things you remember being for Halloween?
>> ---
What was the name of the first pet that you loved?
>> Roxie.
Did you have your own room as a child?
>> I did.
What color was your nursery?
>> ---
Did your parents know your gender before you were born?
>> I don’t know.
What is your name (first and middle)?
>> Mordred Shadow.
What would you have been named if you had been born the opposite gender?
>> My name isn’t related to what my parent named me, and I have no idea what he would have named me if I was born the opposite sex.
Do you like your name?
>> I like the one I gave myself, yes.
What would you name your children?
>> ---
Do you exercise regularly?
>> I’m again trying to do the take-a-daily-walk thing. Again. I fail every time, but I keep trying. Can Calah says there’s something good about that, better than failing and giving up on ever doing it again. I don’t know, but I’ll trust him on it.
Do you have a healthy BMI?
>> I don’t know.
What is your favorite season?
>> Spring.
Do you look like your mom?
>> ---
What is the origin of your last name?
>> I have no idea. I assumed that in this world, Stephen King made it up, but maybe he didn’t. The “canonical” origin of my last name is Gilead-That-Was.
What is the meaning of your first name?
>> It’s unclear.
What month were you born in?
>> May.
Do you share a birthday with anyone in your family?
>> ---
Do you have a sweet tooth?
>> Nope.
What photo editing software do you use?
>> I either use Paint to just resize or crop an image, or Pixlr if I need extra editing tools.
Where do you buy most of your clothes?
>> There is no place where I buy the majority of my clothes. They come from all over.
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A Little Ass And A Lotta Sass Chapter 4: OK, So I'm NOT Dead. Everything Is Just Topsy Turfy. Carry On. Carry On.
I left the kitchen after explaining myself as much as I could. Running back upstairs, I decided to do the fucking laundry anyway. Why not? I was clearly alive. Clearly awake. And clearly not brain damaged. Plus the added bonus of not having to deal with everyone’s fucking expectations above what to use for fabric softener.
Grabbing the basket from the bathroom I shared with Carl, I moved to Judith’s bedroom and added the clothes and cloth diapers to our basket. Then I went to the master bathroom and added Michonne’s and Dad’s to the mix. I was leaving their bathroom when I saw I wasn’t alone. Michonne stood leaning against the closed bedroom door. Great. A new lecture.
“Callie,” she started, smiling the brilliant smile that made me like her the first time I saw it. “This is weird, for all of us.” She moved to sit where the bed used to live, but glared at the empty space like I had glared at mine earlier. “Damn it.”
I giggled. Yep, I thought, it sucks when you want to build up an expectation for a relationship and you realize the other half is Satan’s offspring. “Isn’t that a fucking irritation?” I asked, scrunching up my nose at the blankets that now constituted our beds. “The man I’m supposed to share with some useless bimbos and who stole our fucking beds. One and the same.” I nodded, sitting the basket of dirty clothes down. I mimicked her leaning against the bedroom door by leaning against the wall.
She sighed, realizing selling me on Negan was going to be far more difficult than she’d originally thought. “He seems to be more interested in you than your father assumed.” Lame, I thought, lame and really fucking minimal in the ‘reasons to start a relationship’ category.
I shrugged and offered my theory. “I’m a shiny new toy that he wants to add to his toy box full of shiny toys.” I bit my lip, I knew that I’d considered it only yesterday, but now? Now it wasn’t really my choice or my idea. That wasn’t even remotely interesting to me. I nodded, realizing that was the major issue I had with the situation, that and sharing anything with anyone. Ugh.
“Callie,” Michonne’s voice sounded like a cross between trying to get me to be reasonable and trying to make me acknowledge that it may be worth it to at least bring peace.
“I did consider it, you know.” I said, looking into her dark eyes. “Yesterday, while Dad and you were gone. I wondered if it would work.” I let my head fall back against the wall. “I didn’t know about the other wives when I allowed myself to wonder. I didn’t know that Dad and him would think it up without me being included in the negotiations.” I sighed. “I don’t even know if I LIKE him, Mich.”
That made her chuckle. “Well, I think that makes ALL of us, Callie.” I smirked at her. “But all of us saw how he treated you when you fainted yesterday. He carried you inside, he stood guard over you demanding for the doctor to be brought from the Sanctuary.” I raised an eyebrow at that, I didn’t even notice if the doctor came. “We cancelled the very idea of the doctor coming, you fainted, it never happened before, but he’d caught you before you hit your head.” She bit her own lip. “And he brought Daryl back. He even has his damn bike and crossbow back.” Shit, was this all true? “His people, they were as shocked as you seem to be.”
I considered what she was saying. Negan. Brain beating baseball bat wielding Negan. The man who cut open Spencer without blinking. Who ordered someone to be shot over Rosita’s move at attempted assassination. Negan wanted me. Well, fuck. What was I supposed to do with this fucking information?
“Think about it, Callie.” She offered, opening her bedroom door. “There isn’t a time constraint for your decision.” She winked and offered the best advice a woman could give another. “Personally? I’d make him beg.”
I did the laundry. SLOWLY. Like more slowly than I’d ever tried to do laundry before. And I stayed with it. The entire fucking time. I think I may have hypnotized myself watching the clothes go round and round in the wash. I was leaning against the wall opposite the machines, considering the pros and cons of agreeing to become whatever to Negan. Not a wife, right? I mean it seemed like he tossed that term around to anything with a wet slit, and to be honest, that was weird and concerning.
So CON: Negan seemed to take commitment with a grain of salt and a side of wow that chick’s hot, wife her up.
He took care of me when I decided to faint like a freaking weakling. Even catching me before I could get the brain damage I’d been worried about this morning.
PRO: He could put aside the rampant God complex and narcissism when called for.
I thought about the way he spoke to Olivia, before she was unceremoniously shot. The shaming, the weird theory that offering sex would fix the shaming.
CON: He’s a dick. A huge, irritating dick. Sometimes?
I bit my lip and thought about Glenn and Abe. I thought about Carl without his bandage. I thought about Daryl, but then reconsidered Daryl since he was home now, but was he OK? Fuck that’s a circular thought of doom. I thought about Spencer, but honestly I’d never trusted him or his family. I thought about Rosita, but had to put her in the category of making your bed and now you lay in it. I mean who tries to kill someone who’s being guarded by all those fucking weirdos?
CON: He’s probably a psychopath. He’s more than definitely a psychopath.
PRO: He’s a murderous psychopath, but he keeps people safe? Jesus, that was weak even for me. OK, he’s a psycho who killed someone who showed their lack of loyalty. To my DAD.
I thought about the dining room table. About how we felt against one another. How his mouth felt, the promise of more, of better. I flushed from the thought of him naked, pressed against me and nearly slid down the wall. Shit.
PRO: Negan was very clearly sex on legs. A walking, talking promise of multiple orgasms. And the mouth on him.
“You look like you’re thinking way too fucking hard about something, darlin’.” My eyes closed and I fought the urge to scream. Who the fuck told him where to find me? “Carl.” So he could read my fucking thoughts now.
I opened my eyes to find him standing in front of me, hip leaning against the washer. Shit, fuck. Damn it. “I was making a list.” I answered, licking my lip and watching his eyes lock on my mouth.
“A list?” His voice sounded far huskier than the thought of a list should make. “What kind of list, angel?”
I smirked. Dear God, he was fucking horny. From me licking my lip. “A pro/con list. About you.”
His eyes lifted to mine. An eyebrow raised. “Really?” He moved toward me, his body close but not touching mine. “Do I wanna know how good or bad the list is?”
I shook my head, fighting the urge to touch him. Anywhere. “I’m not sure you want to know.” I answered, feeling breathless again. Fuck. Really, Callie?
His fingers, now encased in his leather gloves, touched my chin. “Oh, now I damn well fucking do wanna know.” He bit his lower lip and my eyes flicked to it. Damn it, it wasn’t just one sided.
I sighed, and tilted my head to study him. “You asked for it.” I warned, and then I listed them, one by one.
“Sex on fucking legs?” Of course he’d pick that one. The only one that he’d even hear, no doubt. “Damn, and you said you didn’t think you liked me. Fuck, baby doll, I think you like me a whole fucking lot.”
I rolled my eyes. Yep, I was going to end up going blind from that. “Did you miss the others? Cause they are just as, if not more, important than that one.”
He scoffed. “The rest? Nah, those aren’t important, because I can’t fix those easily. Not here. Not now. But that one, oh, darlin’ that one I can fucking fix right the fuck now.”
I licked my lip and then his mouth was on mine, pressing me against the wall, his body tight against mine. He moved his mouth long enough to make a promise that I fucking hoped he could keep. “I’m gonna fuck you so good, sweetheart, that the ONLY fucking thing you’re gonna remember is my fucking name.” His hips rocked into me and I felt how fucking hard he was. “My name and how to fucking scream it.”
I moaned. I’m not proud of it. I’m not exactly ashamed by it either, but I sounded so wanton and I may have thrust my hips forward at the promise. Jesus, in the laundry room? My body was screaming “YES, IN THE FUCKING LAUNDRY ROOM, YOU MORON” while my mind was quiet. Damn it, today my fucking overactive brain takes a break?
Negan was tugging my tank up pulling it over my head and groaning at the proof that I was braless. “Fuck, Callie.” His leather gloved hands slid over my nipples and I nearly came from that touch alone. Dear fucking God, I called it. Multiple orgasms in my future. Fuck, multiple orgasms in this fucking laundry room. Guaranteed. I felt his breathing grow ragged as his hands slid lower, sliding under the elastic waistband of my yoga pants. I lurched into his touch. Those fucking gloves may be bringing a new kink into my world. “You like that don’t you, baby girl?” I felt his lips against my earlobe. A nip on the flesh there and I felt that same fire rush through me. Fuck. I was only half undressed and I was already a mess of need. He might have been right yesterday, and that fucking burned my ass.
I pushed him back, knowing that if he really didn’t want to move, I wouldn’t have been able to budge him. I tore the leather jacket from his shoulders. Screw the clothed male, half nude female vibe going on. He was going to be as fucking naked and shameless as me or no fucking deal. The shirt was next. On the floor with the growing pile of our clothes. My hands yanked at the first belt at his waist. “Why the fuck are you wearing multiple belts?” I growled, freeing one then starting on the other. “Don’t fucking try to tell me you have to keep your cock under lock and key because it's so fucking impressive,” I glared up at him, fucking daring him to start a joke now, of all times. He didn’t, hopefully he was teachable about the proper time and place for that shit. The second belt free, I popped the button on his jeans. I looked up at him and realized he was stunned. Absolutely fucking stunned by me. I raised an eyebrow, and smiled. Oh, this was going to be so much fucking fun. “You ok, Negan?” I asked, letting my finger pull his zipper down. It was obscenely loud, even with the machines going, even with him panting above me. He gulped and nodded. Holy shit, I’ve rendered him mute. I licked my lips, and that did it. He shoved his jeans down, kicking his boots off and yanked me to him. Well shit, I didn’t even get to enjoy the view.
“You’re fucking going to pay for that, little girl.” He growled against my lips. I smirked. Sure, I thought, right up until I do this. I trailed one finger down his chest, stopping only when he went completely still. He was panting again, and I smiled as his eyes closed. Huh, wonder what the cost would be for rendering Negan fucking speechless?
With the hand that wasn’t mesmerizing him, I lowered my own pants. I kicked off my boots, noticing that he’d at least been able to open his eyes to watch something. Then, fully naked, just like him, I crooked that same finger with a clear challenge. Bring it.
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Undercover (1/3)
Part: 1 (of 3)
Themes: Mature, CEO AU, Spy, Mafia, Fluff, Angst, Smut, Romance, Mention of suicide, Sexual harassment, Violence, Optional Bias x Female Reader
Word count: 31,636
Description: Your whole life is full of lies, secrets and shady people. Only one thing is sure - when money is involved, nothing else matters. Anything goes. But when you meet your new target - unreachable, cold and damaged man, so painfully similar to you, things start to look a little bit different. What if you don’t want to live undercover anymore?
OMI’s note: Woah, here it is - first part of Undercover. Fixed and obviously in new form. Some parts stayed the same, some are changed in a very slight way, some more. Overall, it looks better in my opinion and I hope you guys will enjoy it. Before I leave you with this long text, I just want to say that writing second part might take a bit of time, so I will probably upload something else in the meantime. So yeah, I hope you will like this “new” Undercover.
Before you entered a building hidden in a dark alley, you looked around to make sure that no one saw you. You pushed heavy metal door and immediately blinked because of a bright light.
“Geez, Sam, change these fucking bulbs. How do you even work here,” you said, protecting your eyes with the hand. You came closer to a huge desk in the corner of a room and sat on it. Sam looked up from papers that he was reading and flashed charming smile at you. His black hair fell on his glasses and you lazily pushed them up. He was handsome, you couldn't deny it, handsome nerd who didn't really know anything other than his work, and who should have probably chill sometimes. However, it was too weird to get involve in any type of relationship other than the one you already had. You liked him as a friend, and ruining it with one-time sex wasn't something you wanted to do.
“I got used to it. Besides, you come here once or twice in a month so you can handle them,” he laughed, nudging your thigh with his elbow. “I got something for you.”
“I'm sure you do, you wouldn't call me if there was no new work.”
“True. Here, this is a full file about your new target and his company,” he said, handing you pretty thick folder.
“Damn, there's a lot.”
“He's quite... famous,” he paused for a moment and looked at papers in your hand. His voice was laced with hesitation and, in some weird way, it made you anxious. “Well, go into boss' office. He wants to tell you all the details about his plan. He should be here in ten minutes.”
“You're throwing me out already? I thought you missed me.”
“Yeah, yeah, I did, but I also have a lot of things to do and, knowing you, you won't shut up.”
“Rude,” you whined, hitting his shoulder. He chased you out with a smile on his lips, so you got up lazily and headed to the other room.
When you entered it, suffocating smell of lilies hit your nose instantly. You shuddered in disgust. Whenever you came here, you always wondered why Kyo liked it so much. You asked him about it a few times, but he never gave you a clear answer. For you, it wasn't even close to being pleasant, it reminded you of funerals, and that was something you hated more than anything.
You fell on a chair and hid your nose in a t-shirt. Uh, Kyo, you better move your ass before I suffocate here.
You looked around bored but there was nothing interesting - white walls, closets full of papers and big mahogany desk at the center. Empty as always. Kyo loved to keep his surrounding clean, at least that was what he told you once. You sighed and decided to open the file that Sam gave you a few minutes ago. You gasped shocked when you saw the name written at the first page.
“Fucking B/N B/L/N,” you half screamed, sitting straight. You flipped through the pages in disbelief. “What the fuck? Are you in your right state of mind, you bastard?”
That must have been a joke. Kyo wanted you to spy on one of the richest businessmen in the whole country, which was more than unbelievable for you. You couldn't even imagine how you were supposed to do this, that guy was probably with bodyguards all the time. You hoped that it was some kind of mistake.
The door suddenly opened and you lifted your gaze. Kyo smiled, which made wrinkles around his eyes deepened, “Long time no see, Y/N.”
“What is this,” you said, raising the file in the air.
“So you already know who is your next target.” Kyo sat on his leather chair and smiled even more.
“My target? I will be their fucking target, if they find out that I'm spying on him!”
“They won't, Y/N. I prepared perfect plan and I can guarantee that you will be safe. Don't worry.” You looked at him suspiciously. You didn't doubt him, he always did great job but... you were a bit uneasy. No matter what, this case seemed harder than everything you did combined. “I kept an eye on him for some time now. I was waiting for a perfect timing to finally make a move and an opportunity came two days ago. He's desperately looking for a personal assistant and you, my dear, have the best qualifications for this job.”
You chuckled amused, “Me?”
“Of course. Why? Didn't you work for the richest man in Japan a year ago?” Kyo looked at you surprised.
“What are you... oh no, you didn't.” You sat there with opened mouth, utterly shocked. In the past he faked your identity a few times, but it was always something minor like name or date of birth, he never did anything more than this. Especially not something involving outsiders. “What if they contact him?”
“He will tell them, and I'm quoting, oh yes, she was excellent in her job, I've never worked with someone this competent; such a shame that she came back to her homeland. Believe me, it wasn't hard to convince him to cooperate.”
“You threatened him?” Your eyes widened in shock.
“You shouldn't worry about it. The point is that he will say what I want him to say.”
You ran hand through your hair in frustration. “Okay fine, but what if it doesn't work out? What if they choose someone else?”
“It will work out. I checked every girl that applied, and they are nowhere near your achievements. In two days you will be B/N's assistant and you will begin to spy on him. I don't know, you can gain his trust somehow, become his friend or some shit, and then he will tell you all his secrets. From what I've heard, he only acts tough, but actually he's easy to manipulate. And you're the champ of manipulation, my dear.”
“It's risky as fuck, Kyo. If he finds out, he will kill me, let's be honest.”
“Don't be so dramatic. How many times did you escape the death already?”
You looked at him with squinted eyes. “Many. Too many for my age. But this situation is different.”
“It just another job, Y/N,” he said, shaking his head in annoyance.
You sighed, knowing that there was no point in arguing with him. If Kyo wanted something, he got it. Whatever the cost. “And what are we looking for exactly?”
“I can't really tell you.”
“What,” you gasped. Kyo never hid anything from you, especially if it was about the case you were working on. That was something new, and you didn't like it.
“All you need to know is that we have information that he's making illegal transactions. And we need to put an end to this. I'm counting on you, Y/N.”
Every time you stopped your car at the traffic lights, your gaze wandered to the folder placed on the passenger seat. It was obviously only your imagination but you could have sworn that it was surrounded by a black smoke. Almost like a bad omen.
You laughed. There was probably no reason to worry so much about it, but so far life taught you to doubt everything and everyone. Especially when they tried to hide something from you. And Kyo was definitely doing this.
When you parked outside your apartment complex, you grabbed the folder and almost ran to your flat. You were curious what information Kyo was able to gather, and how your new life looked like.
It was a long process. Every new case took a lot of time to learn about, and this one wasn't different. However, there was less about B/N himself than you expected. Pages and pages about the company's history, its purpose, and stuff that bored the hell out of you.
Information about B/N were mostly general, and you were almost a hundred percent sure that you could have found them online. Doesn't keep people around – even his own family, doesn't engage in relationships, cold, harsh, determined. The most typical characteristics of a CEO. But there was also a note left by Kyo, the one he mentioned during your meeting: acts tough but is easy to manipulate; even the slightest trace of challenge keeps him interested.
And that was all you needed.
You stepped out of your car in front of a huge glass building. You looked up and gasped amazed. From a far it didn't look so massive, but up close it was enormous, you couldn't even see the highest floor. You took a deep breath, straightened up your gray pencil skirt and moved to the entrance. You tried to recall once again every achievement and information about your life before you reached a reception.
An older woman in white dress looked at you and smiled friendly. “Hello, how can I help you, miss?”
“Yes, hello,” you said slightly nervous, “I'm here for a job interview for a position of Mr. B/L/N's assistant.”
“Oh yes, okay. You need to go on the left here and there is a room number fifteen. You will find it easily, there are quite a few girls there already,” she replied. “But firstly, can I get your name?”
“Y/N Y/L/N”
“Thank you so much. I wish you good luck.”
You bowed lightly and moved in given direction. There was, indeed, rather big group of women. All dressed in formal skirts or dresses, some older than you were expecting but all visibly nervous. You, on the other hand, weren't nervous, you were terrified. Your hands were sweating and trembling uncontrollably.
You looked around, taking a better glance at the women's faces. All of them seemed to be from rather wealthy families, dressed in designer clothes, and with perfectly done make-ups. You chuckled mad. They had no reason to be so anxious, the worst that could have happened to them was leaving this place without a job. And even if this happened, their fathers would have probably patted their heads and gave them a position in their own companies. You on the other hand, could end up in jail, in the best scenario, if something went wrong.
The door opened and a girl with shiny eyes left the room.
“How was it? Any better,” other asked.
“No, it was... terrible,” she said. She was trembling and it was obvious that she would start crying soon. “He asked me so many things, some of them rather weird. And he judged my answers so rudely. Even if they want me to work here, I would never accept their offer.” You would have felt sorry for her, if she didn't sound so bossy about it. She was young, probably younger than you, and looking at her reaction, she probably never was in situation like this. In contrast to her, during your whole life you met so many aggressive, vulgar and insolent people that the guy in the room was most likely nothing compared to them. Your only wish was not to be exposed.
It took longer than you've expected. After another hour there was only few women left, others marched out of the building with heads raised high, discouraged by the job interview. You were sitting there amazed because Kyo's plan started to look reasonable now. Somehow he must have known what type of women would be here and how demanding the interview would be.
If only they wouldn't find out that you're a scammer, you have won.
The last girl left the office and tall man appeared behind her. He was dressed in tailored suit, and his black hair was slicked back. He was handsome but also looked cold and strict. He seemed like someone who had no barriers, and would ask you about every intimate detail of your life. And that was probably right, judging from conversations you heard in the past two hours.
“Y/N Y/L/N,” he said in a low voice, looking around.
You got up. “It's me.”
“Come in, please.” He moved inside the room and stand beside the table, extending his arm. “I'm Jiho Park, vice-ceo and person responsible for B/N's personal crew. Please sit.” You sat across him and tried to look professional. “Miss Y/L/N, I checked your qualifications and I must say, they are pretty impressive. I didn't think that someone with such experience will come here today,” he continued impressed. “To be honest, it's actually beyond my expectations.”
All your dark thoughts left you immediately after his words, they didn't suspect anything and it looked like they wanted you to work for them. You noted in your mind to congratulate Kyo for creating your new life.
“I have only a few questions for you. Some of them might be rather personal but I hope you understand.” He waited for your approval, and when you nodded, he asked, “Can you tell me if you're involved in any relationship?”
“No, I'm not and answering your next question, I'm not planning to be in the near future. I want to focus on my career now.”
“Good,” he said and wrote something on a piece of paper he held in his hand. “So I assume that you don't have children, right?”
“That's correct. In fact, I don't want to have them at all.”
“I see. And was there anything you found hard to do while working for Mr. Aki?”
“Besides my fear of not understanding Japanese,” you joked, remembering Kyo's words. “Not really. I learn rather quickly and I know how to adjust to my boss' lifestyle and schedule.”
“And can you tell me why you left that work?” You looked at Jiho with wide eyes. Oh. My. God. Kyo, you dumbass. You forgot the most important thing. Your heart sped. It wasn't happening. How did he come up with useless stories from your life but forgot something so important? You tried to regain your composure and stop your trembling fingers.
“I...,” you stuttered. You had no other choice as to expose the piece of your true life. It wasn't something you liked to talk about, fuck, it was the one thing you wished you would never have to talk about again, but there was no time to come up with something good in this situation. “My mother tried to commit suicide and someone needed to be close to her. I couldn't count for my alcoholic father so there was no other choice for me. I was supposed to come back to Japan but unfortunately, she did it again. Successfully this time. It was really hard for me.” You felt tears in corners of your eyes. You tried to wipe them away secretly but failed. Jiho handed you a tissue which you gladly accepted. “I'm sorry, it's still hurts.”
“No, it's okay. I should be sorry for bringing painful memories,” he said with blank expression. “I think we can finish now. I don't really want to torture you here, miss. Please wait outside, I will inform you about the results in half an hour.”
You left the room with a bow and quickly got out of the building, ignoring looks and questions from women waiting outside. You searched your bag with trembling hands and pulled out pack of cigarettes. You lit up one and inhaled deeply. I will fucking kill you, Kyo. That was the only thing about your life that you hated talking about. Your mother's topic was too painful to bring up. After so many years, it hurt the same. The fact that she decided to end her miserable life with alcoholic and abusive husband and left you - twelve years old child with him made you more than mad. She ran away from pain, constant fighting and poverty and left it all to you to deal with. You were just a child - lonely, hurt, unloved. It was unbelievably hard to survive. You hated your father from the moment you understood what an evil man he was. And then your mother killed herself and even though you understood her, you hated her for what she did, too. You had no one, you were alone on this planet.
You threw the rest of the cigarette in the bin and sprayed perfume all over yourself. You entered the building and stopped in the lobby where you could still see the door you left some time ago. You didn't want to listen to all the questions from the rest of the girls. It was the first and the last time you ever saw them, they didn't matter to you and you didn't want to explain yourself to them. You looked up and spotted Jiho with another man. He was standing with his back to you but you could clearly see that he was more muscular and a bit taller than Jiho. You nodded your head slightly when your eyes met with Jiho's.
And then the other man turned around and you froze. It was him. B/N. He looked at you with piercing eyes, making you shuddered. You were amazed, he looked better than on the photos, almost like a sculpture made by God himself. His facial features seemed so sharp that it was unbelievable, slightly longer hair was a little messy and suit hugged his body perfectly, highlighting its athletic form. He was attractive. Even more - he was damn sexy. You looked into each others eyes for a few seconds, then he said something to Jiho and disappeared in an elevator behind him.
You released a breath that you held and glanced at Jiho again. He smiled softly at you and moved to the stairs. You followed his every move with your eyes and when he stood in front of you, you clenched your teeth in anticipation.
“Congratulation, Miss Y/N. You got this job.”
You were bored. Well, bored was a bit of an understatement. Since you got accepted into the company a week ago you spent all your time with Anna - B/N's secretary, who introduced you to company's structure, your duties and all those not-so-interesting aspects of being a personal assistant. As for you, simple you need to do whatever B/N's wants you to do would be enough, you were not particularly interested in company's history, which you already knew thanks to Kyo, and what B/N liked or didn't like.
B/N. Since that day when you entered his company for the first time, you didn't see him again. It bothered you more than you wished it would. You were wasting your time here, literally risking your life, and he didn't show up even once.
And Kyo wasn't helping at all. He made it even worse. After you pointed out his small mistake, as he called it, he nagged you every single day. He was weirdly demanding, as never before, and when you asked him about the reason behind it, he yelled at you, telling you that you should have focus on your work. With each passing day it felt more and more suspicious but you couldn't figure out why exactly.
"B/N starts his day at 10am and you're obliged to greet him and present him his schedule as soon as you see him. I'm preparing this so you don't need to worry about it. Clear," Anna asked once again, interrupting your thoughts.
You rolled your eyes. "You're telling me this for the fifth time today. Anna, I'm not stupid, I know how it works - I do whatever he wants."
She sighed. "I know, Y/N. I'm just stressed, that's all."
"Why? I should be the stressed one."
"And I don't know why you're not," she snapped, hanging her head low. "Sorry. You know, he's very demanding and you're not the first one to get this position. There were a lot of girls before you and they didn't last longer than a week. And I'm the one who's doing this job after they ran off crying! I can't keep up with everything."
Oh no. Don't open up to me. We will never be friends. I gonna vanish as soon as I get what I want.
"Do I look like those girls to you? I can handle a lot, believe me."
Anna looked at you with hope in her eyes. She smiled softly and stood up suddenly, clapping her hands. "I hope I can trust you, Y/N. For now, we're done with boring stuff. Today's gonna be your first day with B/N. Here," she said, handing you a piece of paper. "This is his schedule for today, read it - especially those additional notes I've left for you, I will be doing this for some time to help you. He will be here in fifteen minutes so go down and wait for him at the reception."
You blinked a few times confused. Just a minute before she was almost crying and now she was sending you off. She seemed convinced that you're not going to betray her and in some way it hurt you. She was nice, maybe even too nice. She was actually the first person in a long time that was kind to you. It felt unfamiliar but pleasantly at the same time. It was hard to admit but deep down you knew that hurting her, would hurt you a bit too.
You took B/N's schedule from her and got into the elevator. Ride down was long, and you took that time to read the plan over and over again. Ten minutes later you had B/N's schedule memorized perfectly. Two hours of preparing, few hours of meeting and lastly dinner with guy called Lee. For a second you were disappointed, nothing in Anna's notes seemed like it could be something suspicious but then you thought of an opportunity to finally look into his office, and smile danced on your lips. For the past week, Anna was constantly around you, and even though B/N wasn't in his office, you had no chance to sneak there.
"So you're here," someone said in a deep, husky voice. You looked up and saw B/N in another perfectly tailored suit. His hair was pushed back, head tilted to the side and arms folded. He was looking at you, trying to appear disinterested but you noticed a gleam of interest in his eyes. It was the first time you saw him from this close and you had to admit – he was indeed hella attractive.
You raised one eyebrow. "I was supposed to be here? I don't know what's so weird about it."
"Well, I thought you will quit after like three days? Too many duties or something." He leaned in your direction so close that you felt his hot breath on your face. He smirked when you didn't flinch, and then reached his arm behind you, pressing the button to call the elevator. He looked you straight in to the eyes as if challenging you.
"Maybe you should stop thinking," you said with a fake smile, moving even closer to him. His smirk disappeared from his face, and he slightly squinted his eyes. He tried so hard to hide his shock but it was useless. He was about to say something when the elevator opened and a group of people got out of it. He stepped aside and greeted them back rather harshly. You walked inside quickly and looked at him. "Are you coming?"
He didn't answer and followed you, closing the door right in front of someone's face.
"You have a meeting at noon and then a dinner with Mr. Lee at 4pm. So, we have something around two hours to prepare for it. Anna left all the documents on your desk. She said you need to read it and decide if you agree with all the statements included there." You looked at B/N and caught him staring at you. "What? Is something unclear?"
"Your attitude," he said, now visibly stunned.
"Well, I'm probably not your typical assistant. Let's say that I'm kind of special."
He was confused. From the moment he saw your face, he was almost a hundred percent sure that you were only a pretty face. Your experience? Probably gained through bed, nothing more. But now you were explaining to him pros and cons of the transaction he was about to sign and you unexpectedly looked like you knew what you were talking about. And that situation in front of the elevator? None of the girls before you were this cheeky and confident. He was amazed and kinda mad. It made him feel smaller. No one ever mocked him like that, no one was brave enough to do it.
And then, there were you. Apparently not just a pretty face.
You put the papers down and stood up to move around a little bit. You were pissed. Almost two hours and nothing out of normal. Simple, legal contract with similar company. You were hoping to get a chance to look into other stuff inside B/N's office while he studied this deal, but apparently he was an idiot. Or maybe he wanted to test you. You didn't know, and didn't really care.
You sighed loudly and looked at the clock. "You should get up and go to the conference room, meeting's gonna start in ten minutes. I noted everything we talked about if you forget something." B/N glanced at you and nodded. You noticed that his tie was a little bit crooked so you moved in his direction and bent down to fix it. He looked at you confused. "Try to look professional," you mumbled, too focused on your task to register another man walking into the room.
You heard someone's clearing their throat. You looked up and saw Jiho with raised eyebrows.
"Am I disturbing you?"
"In what," you asked without thinking.
"I'm not sure, Y/N," he said, looking at you and then at B/N. You turned your head and met B/N's wide eyes just a few centimeters from yours.
"Oh this. I'm trying to fix his tie. Wait..." You let go of the silky material and folded your arms. "What were you thinking?"
"Nothing in particular."
"Jesus Christ, you both should stop thinking." Jiho tilted his head intrigued. "Don't worry about it. As regards the meeting, we looked at every damn point in these documents. I wrote notes beside the points that are questionable and should be discussed. Also, remember that you both have meeting with Mr. Lee at 4pm at restaurant called Rose-something. Doesn't really matter, your driver knows the address. Good luck, I will be with Anna, I guess," you said with a smile and left the room.
"What the fuck," Jiho asked confused.
"I have no idea." B/N was looking at the closed door amazed. He still felt hot where your fingers accidentally touched his skin. He tried to brush it off, but he couldn't deceive his own body. It was just a simple touch, and yet he felt it in his abdomen. "She's pissing me off, man. I thought she's another stupid girl but no. She's too confident, and she's challenging me. Me, for fuck's sake! Can you believe it?"
Jiho laughed. "Sounds familiar to me.”
“Don't fuck with me.”
“I wouldn't dare. But you need to watch out for her, you know that right?”
“Yeah, I do. She's gonna be a pain in the ass. She already irritates me, and I was with her for two hours.”
“I feel like it can be quite funny,” Jiho smirked, dodging a pen that B/N threw at him.
"Shut up. Mark my words Jiho, I'm gonna break her. I'm gonna make her life look like a fucking nightmare."
After B/N left his office with Jiho next to him, smile formed on your lips. And when Anna said she was going for lunch, you were practically jumping from happiness. Finally, you had a chance to sneak into B/N's office. You've waited for this whole week, week full of Kyo's nagging and screams.
Knowing that there were no cameras on this floor, you marched into your desired destination, whistling under your nose. You sat on B/N's chair, sighing deeply.
“What can you possible hide here, loser,” you mumbled, opening one of the drawers. You quickly searched through its content, checking if there was no secret compartment. You did the same with the rest of them, and to your disappointment, you found nothing. Every damn paper was useless, and definitely didn't contain anything illegal.
That was not what you were looking for.
Irritated, you left his office and wrote quick message to Kyo, informing him that you found nothing in B/N's stuff, and asking him if there was a different place to search.
The answer you received was not something you've expected.
His mind.
You lived through hell. Your life was a constant fight, either with memories or people around you. Until now, you thought that there was nothing more that could make you so stressed and tensed. And yet, there you were. Third week in your search and no result. Not even the smallest suspicious thing about B/N. You were done already, done with playing good little assistant, done with listening to Kyo's accusations and weird ideas, done with this whole fucked up situation.
That was why you made plans for the night. For the first time in a long time. You needed some relief, and you needed it fast.
This day seemed to be especially long, longer than usual. You were looking at papers that Anna gave you but you didn't absorb any of the information. You tried to focus, you did, but your mind was somewhere else. You were thinking of your date. You were so excited to leave the office and finally got laid that nothing else mattered. Mere fact that you found someone this fast - someone incredibly hot, by the way - was exciting. Those days you were like a slave: trapped in the company for long hours, following B/N like a shadow, and being at his beck and call. That was nothing like how you've imagined this job - you thought that after almost a month of working for him, you would have enough material to ruin him. Not really. It was almost like there was nothing to find on him. But then why would you be there, spying on him?
You glanced at your phone for the thousandth time to check the hour.
“You're really impatient today,” Anna blurted finally.
“Hm? Oh yeah, that's because I have plans.”
Anna leaned her head on interlocked fingers. “What kind of plans made you this worked up?”
“I might get finally laid tonight,” you answered with a smile.
“Well, that explain a lot,” she laughed. “Is he nice?”
“Nice is a bit of understatement.”
You were about to describe how hot the guy was when B/N stood in front of both of you. You didn't even notice when he left the elevator but as soon as you glanced at him, the grip on the pen you were holding tightened.
“I want you to do reports of my two last meetings, Y/N.”
“Okay, I will do them tomorrow,” you mumbled, not looking at him.
“No,” he hissed. “I want them on my desk tomorrow morning.”
You raised your gaze. “That's not... possible. I can't do this today. I have...”
“Do I look like I care? If I don't have them in the morning, you're fired,” he announced and left you in disbelief.
You hit your head on the desk with a groan.
“This fucker.”
The company was almost dead when you returned from the shop. You were horny, that was a fact but you wouldn't dare to risk your mission just because of this. You smiled sadly to the security guard and headed to your desk. When you plopped down on the chair, you took your phone out and wrote quick apology to the guy you were supposed to meet.
At the back of your head there was a thought that B/N did it on purpose. When you thought about that whole situation you could have sworn that he must have heard you, and decided to ruin your plans. He was that kind of man - he would probably do everything to ruin your mood. And maybe even your life. But was he so different from you? You were doing exactly the same.
You started reading the overview of one of the meetings when your phone rang. Without looking at the screen, you answered it. “Yes?”
“Y/N, nice to finally fucking hear you.”
“What do you want, Kyo,” you asked annoyed.
“And what I might want? Information, for fuck's sake. You didn't report me anything since last week.”
“Because there's nothing to report. Nothing's happening here. Or at least - nothing shady. It's so boring that I might throw up from boredom soon. Right now, I'm stuck with some fucking reports because B/N is a pain in the ass. You know where I was supposed to be? In a bed. With a dick inside me! Not in the office!” You were close to screaming. It was all Kyo's fault. All.
Bitterness welled up in you in a past few days and you couldn't deal with it anymore. You felt similar only once - when your mother killed herself and left you alone. You were lost, confused and lonely. You wandered around the town for days, hungry and cold, without any hope. And then Kyo found you. You ran away from him but eventually came back, he was the only one who offered you help. Oh, if only you knew back then how much his help cost. Sometimes you wished that you never met him. There wouldn't be any problems if you were dead.
But your relationship with him was never this bad. Since the day one he acted in a weird way, yelling at you every time he called you. He wasn't like this before. There was certainly something about this case that made him so mad, and you were ready to find out what was it.
“Oh, so you're doing reports. About what?” He ignored your outburst completely as if he didn't really care about your feelings. Maybe he didn't.
“About nothing. Stupid meetings he had yesterday.”
“And you didn't tell me about them. I send you a message and you ignored it.”
“That's because you're writing to me every day,” you shouted. “If I had anything interesting to tell you, I would call you. But I have nothing. Zero. I'm starting to think that this is some kind of sick game. This guy seems clean, Kyo. I can't find anything.”
“Maybe you fucked up,” he said.
Your grip on the phone tightened. “What the hell does it mean?”
“Exactly what you think. Maybe he knows that you're spying on him, maybe you're not this good.”
“Don't make me laugh, if that's the case, you're the one who should be blamed for this. After all, you were the one who created my life. If there's anything suspicious, that's on you,” you muttered through the clenched teeth. “You're pissing me off right now, so get lost.”
You were mad, bewildered and most importantly, disappointed. It wasn't like you could call Kyo your family, but he was close to you. You were ready to risk your miserable life for him, which you were basically doing, and it seemed that he didn't really care about you. He was nothing more than a burden to you right now. He turned into a completely different person, and that fact scared you.
When B/N entered the company, he was almost entirely sure that you didn't listen to him yesterday. He was ready to fire you. And he would do that with pleasure. He tried so many things, so many dirty tricks to discourage you, and no matter what, you stayed with him. Sometimes he thought that you might have been a masochist, you were okay with pretty much everything.
He got out of the elevator, and to his surprise, he saw you sleeping with your head on the desk.
“What is happening here,” he asked Anna as soon as he approached both of you.
“I found her like that. The security guard told me she spent whole night working.”
B/N looked at you stunned. Your hair was tangled, clothes wrinkled, and you still held pen in your hand. He wasn't prepared for that, he could have expected everything from you but not this. You were always dissatisfied with everything, you hated him, and he could have sworn that you wanted to quit this job. And yet, you obeyed him again, even if that meant interference in your personal life.
“Sent her to me when she wakes up,” he said, still looking at you.
He sat on his chair and closed his eyes. Feeling of annoyance washed over him. You irritated him, that was the truth, but he couldn't deny the fact that you turned him on. You were pretty, always dressed in tight pencil skirts, with cheeky smile on beautiful lips that he wanted to wipe off roughly. Even your attitude toward him was alluring. No other woman in his life made such snappy comments about him, no women resisted his person for so long. You were a true mystery for him, and with each passing day, he wanted to learn more and more about you.
If he thought about it, he was quite similar to you. You were both tied up by work, without a lot of free time to meet your needs. Idea of hooking up with you crossed his mind, but he dismissed it as fast as it appeared. He wasn't that crazy yet. He never slept with his subordinates, he never even thought about it, yet you made him this desperate. And he hated it.
Quiet knock on the door interrupted his thoughts.
“Yes?”
“It's me,” you yawned, rubbing your eyes with a hand and smudging your mascara in the process. Somehow, it looked adorable for him. “I have those damn reports you wanted.” You put stack of papers on his desk and yawned once again.
“You were here all night?”
“And how does it look to you? Yep, I was. And I'm sore as hell, those chairs are really uncomfortable.”
“Go home,” he said without thinking. He blinked a few times, shocked at his own words.
You raised your gaze completely dumbfounded. “Are you trying to say that I'm fired? What the heck? I did what you asked, what are you...”
“That's not what I meant,” he stood up rapidly, suddenly scared that you could leave. “I just want you to go home and get some rest. That's all.” His voice became almost inaudible at the end of the sentence. He couldn't believe that he said that, normally he wasn't like this.
You were staring at him in silence, and he didn't know what to do. It was something new for him, he didn't act nicely on daily basis. Honestly, he didn't act nicely at all. Especially towards you.
“You want me to rest today?”
“Yeah, and you better get out of here before I change my mind.”
You leaned in his direction with curiosity in your eyes. “You sure you're not the one that should get some time off?”
“Y/N. Get. Out.”
“Okay, okay. Thanks... I guess.”
He watched you as you were leaving his office, and when the door closed behind you, he dropped down on his chair again.
He was crazy.
You made him crazy.
You weren't sure what happened but you gladly accepted B/N's offer. Not because you were tired - you handled far worse things - but because you needed some time to understand the situation you were in. Maybe if your mind wasn't filled with the memory of conversation with Kyo, you would have thought more about B/N's behavior. But that wasn't important for you now, you didn't care about him that much. He was just a pawn in Kyo's game.
You took your phone out and dialed first number on your contact list.
Almost immediately you heard man's voice. “What's up, sweety?”
“I'm on my way to you, Markus. You need to help me.”
“Sure, I'm waiting.”
When you entered a code to Markus' house, and stepped inside, scent of food filled your nose right away. You moved your body in the direction of his office where you found Markus, sitting in his usual spot - in front of two big computer screens.
“Hey bro,” you began, grabbing a slice of pizza from the table.
“Hey. Wait a moment, okay?”
“Mhm,” you mumbled with mouth full of dough. You dragged a stool from the corner and sat beside the man. He was furiously typing something on the keyboard, looking with squinted eyes at the green text on the screen. You've known him almost your whole life, watched so many times how he worked, yet you still didn't understand a thing. He tried to explain to you, step by step, how he hacks into people's files but it still didn't make any sense to you.
But it didn't really matter. You had your own ways to find information.
“Gotcha,” he laughed and turned to you. “So, what's going on?”
“Well,” you swallowed the last bit of pizza and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, “I need you to hack into Kyo's computer.”
In a flash he became serious. “What?”
You sighed deeply. “You know that I'm spying on B/N but the thing is, there's nothing on this guy. I can't find any proof that he's involved in any kind of illegal stuff. I even feel a bit bad about doing this, and that's something. In addition, Kyo's mad at me for everything. He wants me to report every damn thing about B/N. And I don't see any sense in this! Something's off, bro. I feel it and I want to know what is going on.”
“That's gonna be risky.”
“I know but... I can't... yeah, I feel like I can't trust Kyo anymore.”
You were late, and that made B/N furious. He was spinning in his chair, waiting for you to finally arrive. He gave you a day off, that was true, but it was only one day. He couldn't believe you had the nerve to test his patience like that. Maybe he was nice yesterday but that was a one-time situation. At least that was what he hoped for. He still didn't understand why he has acted like that. He didn't have soft heart, it wasn't the case. It was only a fleeting kindness. That's how he explained it to himself.
The door suddenly opened without a knock.
“Sorry for being late,” you squeaked when you entered his office. You tried to fix your skirt stealthily, but B/N didn't miss that small move.
“Why weren't you on time?”
“I was kinda busy last night,” you answered straight away.
His hand closed into a fist. “You were busy. With what?”
“That's not really your business.”
“Ha,” he scoffed. “Get on with the job already or I will kick you out.”
You blinked a few times, turned around without a word, and bumped into Jiho who was standing behind you. “Sorry,” you murmured and left the room, leaving the two men alone.
“You argued again.” It sounded more like a statement, not a question. Jiho sat on the chair across and took his jacket off. “What happened this time?”
B/N took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I've never met someone this insolent.”
Jiho laughed loudly. “Really? Because I did.”
“Don't push your luck, man. I'm not in the mood. I gave her day off to rest, right? But she came late today because she was “busy” last night. Busy, my ass. She was probably fucking some random dude.”
“You know, this counts as being busy.” B/N shoot him a glare full of rage, his jaw was clenched and hands clutched tightly on the armrests. “Why are you even this mad? It's not like she's yours or anything. She's just your assistant, not your wife, she can do whatever she wants.”
B/N frowned. Jiho was right - you were nothing more than his subordinate, yet the thought of you with another man made his blood boil. He wasn't sure why, it wasn't like he felt anything to you. Besides sexual attraction - he couldn't deny this. Was it because he was possessive? Maybe. Or maybe he just didn't understand his own feelings.
Another sigh left his mouth. “I need to give her a lesson.”
“Geez, B/N, what lesson? Let the girl fuck whoever she wants. It's none of your business. And by the way, maybe you should focus more on today's banquet.” Sly smile appeared on B/N's lips when a wild idea crossed his mind. “What now?”
“That's not a bad advice,” he said, grinning. Jiho looked at him puzzled. “Maybe she should go with me.”
“And why is that?”
“Oh you know, Sheng will be there. If she's so thirsty for a dick, she will love his company.” He wasn't paying attention to Jiho anymore, he was too focused on searching for the most expensive dress shops in the area. He knew where to find clothes for himself, but he had never bought anything for a woman. There was simply no occasion for this and the fact that he needed to do this in that time was ridiculous for him.
Jiho groaned disgusted. “He's a fucking creep man, you really hate her this much?”
“I don't hate her, she annoys the fuck out of me. There's a difference.”
“Don't you think it's a little too much? She's hot, he will be all over her all the time.”
B/N looked up from his phone. Was it too much? He wanted to annoy you, nothing more. In his twisted mind, he was convinced you deserved a lesson.
“Come on, Sheng is not that stupid, he will just spit some gross jokes and that's all.”
“I wouldn't be so sure about this. No matter what, keep an eye on her. Just in case.”
B/N scoffed. “Now you're talking?”
“I may not trust her but I don't wish her anything bad.”
“You're coming with me today,” B/N announced when he entered his office after the meeting.
You turned around and asked confused, “What?”
“I said...”
“I know what you said but I don't understand why you want me to accompany you at that banquet.”
“Well, maybe because you're my assistant?” He sat on his chair and looked at you from head to toe. “We need better clothes for you.”
“Excuse me, but what's wrong with the one I have now?”
He didn't answer you but instead he pushed button on his phone and after one signal he directed Anna to prepare car for him. He stood up and headed to the door.
“Follow me.”
The ride was unpleasantly silent. You sat beside him, nibbling on your nail. Changes in his attitude confused the hell out of you. He was mad, you were sure about this, but the reason why was a mystery for you. It was like a world was laughing at you - you had your own problems, there was no need for another one. And yet it arrived. Your life wasn't easy even once but the events of past weeks tested your patience like nothing ever.
The car stopped in front of a huge building and B/N got out of it, without looking at you. You followed him, and shyly entered the luxurious shop.
There weren't a lot of things that made you uncomfortable, but this was definitely one of them. Quick look at the nearest price tag made you flinch instantly. You've never experienced wealthy life, it was unattainable for you from your first day at this world. And to tell the truth, you despised rich people. You have quite a few encounters with them in the past and all of them were sleazy, full of themselves and thought that if they had money, they had everything. You couldn't really find any bigger joy in money, and you didn't understand how some could.
“Do we really have to be here,” you mumbled finally, rubbing your shoulders.
B/N turned around and looked at you. Confusion in his eyes was too noticeable. You felt bad that you showed him this side of you but you couldn't fight embarrassment that washed over you. You felt out of place, almost like an alien. You lowered your gaze.
“What's wrong with you now,” he asked, coming closer to you.
“I... I just don't like places like this,” you stammered.
He was silent for a few seconds but then your annoying boss came back. “Do I look like I care?”
B/N's head was spinning with excess thoughts. He was looking at all the dresses around him, but he didn't really see them. From time to time, he glanced at you, standing awkwardly in the corner, and he couldn't believe it was you. This cheeky, confident girl was gone just because of some expensive clothes. It was unbelievable for him. Was there a reason behind your embarrassment? Did something happen to you before? Much to his annoyance, those questions didn't want to leave his head. He wanted so badly to know why your attitude changed so drastically.
However, the fact that he thought about canceling his plan was even more unthinkable. When he looked at you, so vulnerable, he almost felt sick of his twisted mind. He didn't know why but at that moment he felt the urge to hug you. He had to stop himself from doing something stupid, so instead he focused his mind on why he brought you here.
Suddenly something caught his gaze. There it was - a perfect dress. He moved closer to the rack and touched red silky material. The dress was backless, with a really thin straps and quite a huge low-cut. Just the thought of you in it made him hot. His hand twitched when he reached for it.
“Try this one,” he said, handing you the beautiful piece. You took it from him with a grimace of dissatisfaction and disappeared in a fitting room. He sat on a sofa across the mirror and fixed the collar of his shirt.
When you stood in front of him again, his breath got stuck in his throat. It was a lot more than he imagined. Thin fabric hugged you perfectly, highlighting all your curves insanely. Your breasts were exposed a little too much, but he was too mesmerized to complain. You looked... gorgeous. And even this description wasn't enough. Red was definitely your color, and he wished there was a possibility to see you in this more often.
“Turn around.” His voice was hoarse, but he didn't care if you noticed. You obeyed him without a word and that only aroused him even more. The cut on your back was so low that he was able to see the hem of your lacy undies. Sweat started to form on his forehead, he felt extremely hot and it bothered him. It never happened to him, he never felt so horny just by looking at a woman in a revealing dress. He put hand on his thigh, discreetly trying to adjust his hardening dick. “We will take this one,” he said, when the worker approached you.
“Isn't it too much,” you asked, averting his gaze.
“No.” It was his only answer. There wasn't other option for him, he wanted you to wear that dress regularly. And preferably, only for him. He didn't know how to persuade you to do this, but he was desperate to make it happen.
Sitting beside you, dressed in that sexy piece, in the car was the hardest thing he ever endured in his whole life. He wanted to touch you, feel your hot skin under his fingertips, made you moan for him. He kept his eyes on you, observing your every little move - how your chest raised and fell with each breath, how your legs moved in an attempt to sit more comfortable, how you brushed your hair out of your sight. He couldn't stop himself. His mind was flooding him with different imagines of how would you look and sound when he dicked you down.
You turned your head slightly and glanced at him annoyed. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“So why are you staring at me all the fucking time? Are you regretting taking me with you?”
“Why would I?”
You lowered your gaze and raised an eyebrow a little. “I not sure but I guess it will be quite uncomfortable for you to wander around people with an erection, don't you think?” He took a quick peek at his dick and cursed. So it was visible. He felt the tightness in this area, but he didn't think that it was so prominent. He tried to fix his pants but without success. “Maybe I should help you,” you offered, moving closer to him. He tensed instantly, watching how you put your hand on his thigh dangerously close his boner. “Should I?”
He studied your face for a moment. He wasn't sure if you were serious or not, your expression was emotionless. Did he want it? Oh, he did, but he didn't want to give in to your seduction. He wanted to show you that he was stronger than he appeared at that moment, even though it wasn't true.
He was about to decline your offer when your fingers brushed his clothed dick. He hissed unintentionally.
You burst into laughter. “You wish.”
He grabbed your wrist and pulled you so close that he felt your breath on his face. “You're gonna regret this. Don't fucking play with me, kitten.” Your eyes winded in shock but you didn't move. You stayed like this for a few seconds before he pushed you and got out of the car. He furiously tugged at his pants and covered his crotch area with jacket. “Come,” he snapped through clenched teeth when you joined him. He put his hand on your lower back and guided you inside the luxury restaurant.
He was done playing your little game, it was time for his plan. He couldn't take your presence any longer. You challenged him once again, but this time it was too much for him. He was boiling with anger when he scanned the crowd, looking for Sheng. When he noticed him, he nodded and moved in his direction.
As soon as the man spotted you, his eyes filled with lust. “Hello B/N. And hello to you, gorgeous. Who is it?”
“This is Y/N, my assistant,” he answered with a fake smile.
“Nice choice, man. I bet she's quite useful.” B/N wanted to throw up. He hated this guy to the core. He loathed every aspect of Sheng's being, he was disgusted by his every word. But there was one thing he hated even more at this moment, and it was your attitude.
“Can you keep her company for a second? I need to talk to someone real quick.” B/N didn't wait for any response. He moved his body as far away from you as possible. Fend for yourself, you little bitch.
He lost sight of you long ago but it didn't bother him that much. Somewhere at the back of his head he was hearing Jiho's voice over and over again, but he tried to ignore it. He took a small sip of his champagne, pleased with the company of a girl, whose name he already forgot. She wasn't as pretty as you, but at least she was simpler. A few sweet words, and he had her wrapped around his finger. It was so easy - she was obedient, horny and willing to fuck. That was all he really needed. And that was exactly how it should have been.
She touched his arm and whispered something, but he didn't hear her. His attention switched from her to the conversation of two men behind him.
“This guy's disgusting. You saw how much he drooled over that poor girl? I hope she escaped from him.”
“I don't think she did, I saw him following her with that creepy smile.”
B/N instantly pushed the girl and shoved through the crowd. He was sure they were talking about you and he felt rage spreading all over his body. He was furious - not only at Sheng but also at himself. Why was he so stubborn? He knowingly left you in creep's hands just because you made him mad. He was so stupid... After all, it wasn't only your fault.
If anything happened to you, he would have blamed himself for this for the rest of his life.
When he was close to the restroom area he heard your voice - mix of annoyance and a bit of fear.
“I told you to leave me alone, for fuck's sake.”
B/N's moves became faster, he was ready to rip Sheng's head off.
“Oh come on, sweetheart. Let's play a little bit.”
His hand closed into a fist.
“Get your fucking dirty hands off of me!”
His fist met the side of Sheng's head with so much power that he himself hissed from pain. Sheng flew on the floor with a groan.
B/N glanced at you with concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah... I... I'm fine,” you assured, stunned.
B/N looked at the motionless body on the ground. “Geez, this piece of shit pisses me off. Come, I'm gonna drop you home.”
You followed B/N to his car absolutely confused. Firstly, he left you with some fucked up idiot, and then he appeared out of nowhere and knocked the guy down. Changes of his character were so drastic that you started to question his sanity. Was he normally like that? You tried to remember how he acted when you met him for the first time. He was distant, extremely cold and harsh. But something definitely changed. He became... more protective, in a twisted way.
But the thing that shocked you the most was the fact that he didn't try to hide that you turned him on anymore. You noticed a few times that he had a hard-on when you were around but today he didn't even try to brush it off, like he always did. Maybe he was even willing to take your offer seriously. He always seemed like he had full control of himself, yet he lost his composure a few times because of you.
Maybe Kyo was right, maybe B/N wasn't as tough as he wished to be seen as.
“We arrived already, you know,” he laughed suddenly. You turned your head rapidly. It was the first time you heard his laugh and you must have admitted - it was a beautiful sound. You wished he would do that more often.
You studied his face for a second, when you noticed a bit of blood on his cheek. You looked down. “You've injured yourself,” you said, grabbing his hand. He took a sharp breath when you touched his knuckles. “Come upstairs, I will clean this.”
“There's no need.” He tried to free himself but you pushed your fingers onto his wound. He hissed from pain.
“Upstairs, I said.”
He was sitting on the edge of your bathtub with rolled sleeves, while you were looking for something to disinfect his hand with. It was like he was in some kind of trance, admiring your every move with squinted eyes. He felt things he never felt and couldn't even name.
“Ha, found you, you fucker,” you squeaked, grabbing a little bottle from the drawer. He laughed. You looked like a small child after they unwrapped a present. So innocent. You looked at him amazed. “I... it will hurt a bit.”
He nodded, his eyes still on you. You came closer and knelt down, taking his hand in yours. He stopped breathing, not because of the pain, but because of your position. His mind got flooded with inappropriate images, and his mouth became dry suddenly.
Your gaze was focused on his fingers, skin hotter than he had imagined. He felt completely defeated. “Done. I can't put a band aid on it so...” you started but stopped in the middle of the sentence when your eyes met his. He noticed how your cheeks reddened, and how you bit on your lower lip. He wanted nothing more than to lower his head and kiss you. He wanted to be the one to abuse your lips. He moved slightly, but you stood up before he even had a chance to feel your breath on his face. “You should go now, B/N.”
Your mind was one big mess. Memory of yesterday's situation inside your bathroom was as fresh as if it happened minutes ago. You remembered very clearly the look in his eyes, and you were sure yours was the same, you remembered the heat of his skin on yours, his breath fanning your face. You couldn't deny it anymore, you desired him. And it was more than clear that he wanted you, too. And that was a huge problem.
However, the biggest problem was that you invited B/N into your house in the first place. His injury wasn't even close to things you saw before, shit, it was almost non-existent, and yet you couldn't leave him like that. Maybe you had a soft heart after all.
Now you were sitting on the bed with your phone in the hand, hesitant about what you were planning to do.
You started this job to ruin him, to turn his luxurious life into a horror, and probably close him behind the bars, not to actually fell for his charms. You were supposed to be his nightmare. Nothing more. But he made you feel things you didn't feel for a long time. For the first time in years, or maybe even in your whole life, you started to desire not only man's body but also his attention and... heart.
The worst thing was that you didn't understand why you wanted him so badly. He did quite a few things that would probably scare any sane person away. But he had something in him that pulled you so hard that you were ready to let those words and actions slide away. He was almost impossible to resist. He was constantly in your head, your mind provided you scenarios that were rather scary. You couldn't allow yourself to fall in love with him, that was not an option, and you needed to remember that.
With that in mind, you dialed Anna's number. That was the best thing to do for now. “Hey Anna, um- I... I need a day off. Can you pass it to B/N,” you said when she answered finally. You felt bad giving her that task. She would definitely get yelled at, but you couldn't do it yourself. The sound of B/N's voice would change your mind, you were painfully aware of that.
“Something happened? You don't sound good.”
“Well no... I mean, yes... kind of?”
“What's going on, Y/N?”
“I just... I don't feel well, you know? Please, just tell him I won't come today.”
“He won't be pleased with it. Since the early morning, he was nagging me to sent you to him as soon as you come to the office. He wanted to talk about something important or... I don't know. He was pretty weird. But I can't, and I don't want to force you to anything.”
“Thank you. I will see you tomorrow?” It wasn't really a statement. You weren't sure if you would come or not. You needed space and time to think about everything, and his presence wasn't helping at all.
Even though, you didn't trust Kyo anymore, it wasn't like you were going to ditch your mission. You wanted to know what B/N possibly hid and why Kyo so desperately wanted those information. Or, if there was really nothing on B/N, you wanted to find out who and why was trying to end him. You just needed to come up with different, smarter plan. Maybe getting closer to him wasn't the worst idea, you would get to know not only his secrets but his body and time would be at your disposal.
And that, wouldn't be too bad.
But what would happen later? You would disappear into thin air, without any explanation, without anything really, but all feelings and memories would stay with you for the rest of your life. Were few weeks or months with him worth remembering them till your last days? Were you ready for such sacrifice?
Your phone suddenly started buzzing, interrupting your thoughts. Without looking at the screen, you picked it up.
“Yes?”
“Y/N, what's going on?” B/N's voice was laced with worry.
Your grip on the phone tightened. “I'm not in the best state. I need to rest a bit,” you answered quietly. His call was the last thing you needed right now. You could have imagined him, sitting in his chair with slightly messy hair and raised eyebrows. He was probably in another perfectly tailored suit that made him look so tempting. You shook your head, trying to focus on something else. To focus on anything beside him.
“Is it because of what happened yesterday?” Now he sounded even gentler. He was obviously worried, making your heart skip a beat. You wanted to feel his arms around you so badly now.
“No, absolutely not,” you answered. No matter what you couldn't let him know that that situation affected you in any way. He shouldn't know how much power he had over you.
He sighed. “I'm sorry that I left you alone at that damn party. It was stupid. If you want, if it will make you feel better, I can turn Sheng's life into a real hell.”
“What? No, I already forgot about that. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time that something like this happened to me.” You bit your tongue immediately after the last sentence left your mouth. You said that without thinking, without even realizing what you just did. Opening up to him was the worst thing you could have done. “Forget I said that. I don't know why I did it.”
“What do you mean forget it? You were sexually assaulted before? What the fuck,” he raised his voice shocked. “Why are you so chill about it?” You could almost see how he straightened in his chair, how his muscle tensed.
“B/N, it was long ago and... well, I don't need to explain it to you.”
“Are you kidding me? You know how much power I have, I can make anyone pay for what they did, I can...”
“Stop it. I don't even remember who those people were. Plus, why would you do this? Why do you care?”
“Because...fuck.” He sounded annoyed and angry. It was kind of... sweet that he cared about you so much, even if he didn't want to admit to it. “If you don't want, then okay. But if it's not because of Sheng, why can't you come today? Is it about what happened later?”
Your heart sped up. “No. Why are you so stubborn? I want to rest, that's it. Can't you understand that? Just go with your day and leave me alone for some time.” You ended the call angrily, throwing the phone on the bed.
Why? Why the fuck he started to care about you? He was making everything so hard. Something changed... he changed. You didn't give him any reason to like you, let alone to be so concerned about you. You were a pain in the ass, to say the least. So why he suddenly became so worried about you?
You sneaked into Markus' house and took your shoes off. “Bro, are you here?”
“Yeah. Take a bottle of water from kitchen with you.”
You entered the small room and stopped in your track. The inside was so messy that you couldn't put your foot anywhere. Markus was always busy but that couldn't be excused. Empty bottles of water, dirty paper plates and pizza boxes were scattered around everywhere. How could he live like that?
“Hey, can you be a little bit cleaner? It's not that hard to take out the trash, you know,” you yelled, kicking your way to the other side of kitchen.
“I'm kinda busy, Y/N. And that's your fault, by the way. If you want, you can clean it up.”
“Sure and what else,” you mocked, annoyed. The truth was that you would probably do it anyway. It wouldn't be the first time. Besides, he had a point. He was doing research for you without anything in return and you could do at least that for him. In fact, cleaning his house was like a currency in your friendship – he was looking for things for you, and in return you were making his place fit for living.
You took a full bottle from the floor and headed to Markus' office. “Here.”
“Thanks.”
You sat on a stool and looked at one of the screens. “How's work?”
He sighed, leaning in the chair. “Not as good as I would like to. Kyo is not stupid, I knew that, but it seems that his little pet Sammy is actually a lot smarter than I thought. He did pretty good job, Kyo's files are strongly secured and I need a lot more time to break those algorithms.”
“Can I help you somehow?”
“Not with this, we both know you have no idea what I'm doing here,” he laughed. “But you can cook something. I haven't eaten anything besides pizza for... a week?”
“Jesus, didn't I tell you to stop with all this unhealthy food?”
“Quit nagging, you're not my mother,” he said with a cheeky smile. You hit his head playfully and got up.
Cooking with what Markus had in his fridge wasn't an easy task but you finally managed to do something edible. You also cleaned his whole house and pleased with results, you came back to him. He quickly digged into the food with content sigh.
You took a better look at him. He was slimmer than before, and dark circles reached nearly to half of his cheeks. He was spending definitely too much time on this. You felt terrible because of this. He was ready to do anything to help you, even if that meant not taking care of himself.
Markus glanced at you, and opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by your ringing phone. You looked at the screen and declined the call immediately.
“Who was that?”
“B/N. I really don't want to talk to him right now.”
“Anything happened?”
“Actually, yes. You could say that we had a moment yesterday.” Markus choked and looked at you suspiciously. “Not in a way that you think. In short, he took me to a business party where some dude stuck to me for the whole night. Mind you, he was disgusting, and B/N left me with him all alone. But then he hit him, injured his hand because of it, I invited him to my house to take care of it and... I don't know, the atmosphere... It was pretty intense. And today he's calling me nonstop because I took day off.”
“You didn't want to be around him.”
“Yeah. I'm fucked, man. I'm so confused, I don't know what I'm feeling. On the one hand, I want to be close to him but on the other, I want to avoid him as much as I can. What am I suppose to do?”
Your phone buzzed again. Annoyed, you looked at the screen and rolled your eyes. Wasn't he tired of calling? What did he even want from you at this point?
“Answer it, maybe it's something important,” Markus said with troubled expression.
You hesitated for a moment but finally picked it up. “B/N, can you stop already?” The other end of the line was silent. You could only heard his fast, erratic breath and some weird slow music. “B/N?”
“What are you doing to me, Y/N? Why am I doing things I wouldn't normally do?”
You looked at Markus with confusion written all over your face. “Are you drunk?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled.
“Where are you?” You stood up, ready to pick him up. He definitely had too much alcohol. You knew he could drink a lot, he was good at it. But if he brought himself to such state, it meant that he crossed his limit.
And it seemed like it was your fault.
He laughed loudly. “What? Are you gonna come and save me? Why should I explain myself to you if you didn't want to do the same?”
“B/N, where the fuck are you?”
“Find me.”
And with that he ended the call. You tried to reach him a few more times, but he ignored you. You groaned. “Markus, can you track him?”
Half hour later you entered richly looking bar. It was full of man in suits and girls with few or none clothes on. You were in places like this before, and every time was like a torture for you. They were all the same, the same pits of despair for wealthy, horny men.
You searched the inside with a glance, wanting nothing more than to leave as quickly as possible, and noticed B/N at the corner. On the table, he was sitting by, stood around four empty bottles and girl in dress shorter than you ever saw, was kissing B/N's neck. He wasn't even looking at her, visibly unsatisfied with her company.
But you merely noticed it. You clenched your hands in to fists, ready to hit someone. Anyone really. The fact that she had her arms wrapped around him made you boil with anger.
You moved into his direction, and as soon as you reached him, you dragged the girl from him. “Out,” you commanded with anger in voice. B/N looked at you puzzled. His eyes were glossy, and skin pinkish. He was drunker than you expected.
“Find yourself someone else, girl,” she said, trying to push you away.
You grabbed her wrist and spun her around. “I said, get the fuck out of here. Your pretty little face won't be this pretty anymore if you don't listen to me. I won't repeat myself,” you gritted through clenched teeth. She broke out of your grip and with mad expression on her face, she left. You turned around and crossed your arms. B/N was looking at you amazed. “Get up, we are leaving.”
“How did you find me,” he stammered.
“You want me to drag you from here? Because I definitely can. Move your ass, you drunkard.” Without looking behind you, you headed to the door.
When you sat in your car, your hands gripped the wheel madly. What was he even doing? Was he really this upset with you? He was acting like a teenager, not like a well-known CEO, and it made you question everything you learned about him up to now.
He joined you second later and obediently fastened his seat belt. You glanced at him and noticed how carefully he was watching you. He probably didn't expect you to come this fast. Hell, he probably didn't expect you to come at all.
During the whole way to his apartment neither of you said anything. Few times he opened his mouth as if to say something, but he closed them as soon as he looked at you. You wanted to scream at him, to make him understand how dumb were his actions. He couldn't be this stupid. Drinking almost till he lost consciousness, fooling around with a random girl. It wasn't what prosperous businessman should do on weekdays.
You stopped your car in the parking lot of his apartment's complex and turned the engine off. You looked at him with daggers in your eyes.
“Get out and sleep it off,” you gritted through your teeth, but he didn't even flinch.
“Can you come with me?”
You blinked a few times, amused with his bluntness. “What?”
“I... I don't think I can make it alone. The whole world is spinning.”
You sighed, exhausted. Going into his house wasn't your dream right now. You were extremely mad at him, but still some part of you cared for him too much to leave him alone now. Again...
You knew it was a bad idea however, you got out of your car and help him stand on his feet. He staggered and your arm instinctively wrapped around him. He was close, too close. You felt his hot, stinking of alcohol breath on your cheek. Your whole body tensed.
You dragged him to an elevator and pushed him inside. He stumbled, losing the last bits of balance he had in him. He leaned forward, crushing you between him and a cold metal surface. His hands grabbed your hips in an attempt to steady himself. You sucked the breath harshly. Your skin burnt like crazy and your head was spinning with the feeling of B/N's proximity.
You put your hands on his torso and pushed him lightly. “B/N move, I need to select the floor.” His grip on you tightened. Without looking at a panel, he pushed one of the buttons with his elbow and put his head on your shoulder. You held your breath startled. His lips were dangerously close to your neck, and you stupidly wished he would put them on you. “What are you doing?”
“I'm not sure,” he laughed. His breath tickled your skin, sending shivers down your spine. “I just want you closer.”
“You're drunk, you're talking crazy.”
“Maybe. But it feels nice.” Your heart was racing. It felt nice, but it was so wrong at the same time.
When his mouth touched your sensitive skin, the door opened and you left the lift as fast as you could. B/N lurched forward and groaned dissatisfied.
“Keys,” you ordered, extending your arm.
He smirked, coming closer to you. “I have them in the pocket of my jeans. I can't pull them out.”
You looked at him annoyed and grabbed him by the belt. You pushed your hand into his front pocket and mentally slap yourself in an attempt to slow your heart down. His pants were extremely tight and you had problems with moving your fingers. You felt B/N's eyes on you, observing your every move with heavy breath. When you finally grabbed the keys and pulled your hand out, you accidentally brushed against B/N's hardening dick. He moaned shamelessly. Your whole body tensed again, and you needed to take a deep breath to calm yourself. With reddening cheeks you turned around and opened the door to his apartment, trying to ignore how much you wanted to jump him.
His apartment was bigger than you expected. It was filled with modern and richly looking furniture, everything was neat and clean, and it smelled like a mix of B/N's perfume and the man himself. Now, even breathing was hard.
You glanced over your shoulder. “You're inside, so I will go now.”
B/N blocked your way. “Can you stay a little longer,” he pleaded.
“For what?”
“Just stay for ten fucking minutes, can't you do this? Is someone waiting for you?”
You sighed and headed to the kitchen. You grabbed a glass, filled it with water and went to his bedroom, expecting him to follow you. You set the glass on the table beside the huge bed, leaned against it and looked at B/N. He was struggling with buttons of his suit, and with roll of your eyes, you came closer to him. You pushed his hands away and helped him took it off. You hesitated for a moment but finally removed his shirt too. His body was deliciously fit and lightly tanned. Every muscle was highly visible and tempting. You wanted to trace your hands over his skin, find every mark on it, and kiss every centimeter of him. But you needed to be the responsible one.
B/N's fingers closed around your wrist. “I kinda like it.”
“Stop it. Take your pants off and go to the bed.”
“Oh and it's getting better.”
You shook your head and stepped aside. You took a look around his bedroom. It was frighteningly empty, no photos, no decorations, nothing. It looked exactly like your room. From what you've heard, he wasn't close with his family, so the reason behind this emptiness was also similar. Maybe he resembled you more than you initially thought.
You heard the squeak of his bed, so you turned to him.
“Can I go now?”
“Jesus Christ, why are you in such a hurry?”
“Okay, okay, fine,” you groaned and sat on the floor beside the nightstand. B/N rolled on his side and set his eyes on you. “If you don't want me to go, maybe instead you want to tell me why did you drink so much?”
He was silent for a few minutes before he answered slowly, “You pissed me off this morning and... I don't know, I was mad at you... at me, and it kinda just happened.”
“And why would you be mad at me? I wanted one day off. One day.”
“You didn't want to tell me what was going on, and I was... worried. Don't look at me like that, I know it sounds weird, but I can't really explain it.”
You traced your fingers on his arm without thinking. His words pulled at the strings in your heart that you didn't even know existed. He could act as if he had no emotions, but his drunk self was brutally honest, telling you things you were scared to hear. The truth was that even if he didn't want to admit it, or maybe he didn't understand it yet, he was falling for you.
And that scared the hell out of you because you started to feel the same.
You never really experienced something like this. It was so new to you. Caring about someone that way, wanting to be with them and receiving the same from that person was nice. But deep down you couldn't convince yourself that love was something for you. No one ever loved you, and until now, you were sure that that was how it should have been. Was it even useful to change it now?
You opened your mouth to say that you really need to leave but you closed them when you noticed that B/N fell asleep already. His breath was slow and rhythmic, lips slightly parted, hair covered his closed eyes and fingers laced together with yours. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful.
You moved closer and traced your digits over his face. “What are we going to do now, B/N?”
You took his keys, hoping he would think he left them somewhere and headed to the security guard situated by the entrance of the building.
“Hey, I'm Y/N. I'm B/N's assistant. Can you please do something for me?”
The old man looked at you with a friendly smile. “How can I help you, miss?”
“Can you check on B/N tomorrow morning? He drank too much and I'm kind of scared that something may happen to him in sleep. I know I shouldn't leave him alone but I can't really stay here. I would be so grateful.”
“It's gonna be weird, but sure. What should I say to him?”
“Whatever you want. But don't mention I was here, please.”
You got in the car and leaned your head on the steering wheel, defeated.
Annoying sound of doorbell woke B/N up. He opened his eyes carefully but closed them as soon as the sunlight blinded him. His head was heavy and it throbbed with pain. Everything was too bright and too loud. He wasn't sure where he was but quick check of his surroundings told him he was in his own bed.
How the hell he ended up here?
He couldn't remember single thing from yesterday. All he knew was that he got mad at you and went to drink. Everything that happened later was a mystery for him. Did he do anything weird? Did he hook up with someone? Who brought him here?
The doorbell rang again. He stood up with a groan and noticed a glass of water on the bedside. Did he put it here? He downed it and headed to the door.
He was confused. No one ever visited him... besides girls he invited himself. Was it one of them? “Coming,” he yelled when the sound of bell filled his ears one more time. He wanted to throw up because of it. Every step required a lot more strength than normally.
“Good morning, sir. Sorry for interrupting you so early but I wanted to tell you that there's been a suspicious man who sniffed around our building, so you should be careful,” said the older man. From what B/N remembered he was one of the security guards. He had no idea what was his name, not that it was important for him.
“Okay, I will remember this.” He was about to close the door, when he thought about something. “Hey, you were here all night?”
“Yes, why are you asking?”
“Do you perhaps know how I got here,” he asked with hope.
The man tensed and scratched his head, averting B/N's gaze. “Well...”
“Yes,” B/N insisted, looking at the man suspiciously.
“Well... some girl brought you here.”
“And what did she look like?”
“I don't remember clearly, sorry.”
B/N sighed. “That's fine, thanks.” He closed the door and leaned on them. So he was with a girl yesterday. Who was it? Why didn't she stayed with him? He had some bits of memories, memories of someone undressing him, but it was so faint that he couldn't tell if those were real or if it was just a dream.
What really happened last night?
And why, for fuck's sake, he was this horny from the early morning?
He came back to his room and grabbed his phone. The thing he was about to do... he wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but he needed some relief. And he needed it as fast as possible.
With a weird feeling, something too similar to betrayal, he called Anna.
You entered the office extremely late. You didn't know what to expect. Was B/N already there? Was he okay? Did he remember anything from yesterday? You yourself couldn't sleep at all. Your mind was full of thoughts about him and the situation you were in. You were scared of your own feelings, and didn't know what to do with all of this anymore.
You said hello to Anna and headed to B/N's office.
“He's not there,” Anna informed you.
You turned around to look at her, suddenly worried. “Something happened?”
“I don't think so. He called me earlier and said that he will be out today because he has a remarkably important thing to do. For me, it was bullshit. Yesterday he was worse than normally, and he got out of the office pretty quickly, so I assume that he drank too much. Nothing to worry about.”
He was fine and that was the only thing that mattered to you.
You looked at the clock on your phone. Fifteen more minutes and you would be free. It was so boring without B/N, the only thing you did was stroll around the company aimlessly and talked with people about nothing important. You tried to keep your mind occupied with things other than B/N but it was hard. What was he doing? What was that thing he needed to do? You thought whether you should call him or not but finally decided not to. There wasn't really a need and you didn't want to look like you were worried about him.
You slowly got up from your chair and gathered all your belongings.
“I'm gonna go, Anna. I'm bored and there is no reason for me to be here any longer,” you said.
“Okay. I will see you tomorrow,” she answered without looking at you. You were about to step into the elevator when she yelled, “Y/N! You picked up B/N's suit from tailor, right?”
You spun on your heel with fear in your eyes, “Holy shit. He's gonna kill me.”
“He probably will. Here,” Anna threw a key in your direction. You caught it with confusion written all over your face. “It's a spare key to his apartment. Just in case.”
You thanked her, even though you didn't really need it, and rushed into the elevator. You hit the button with fist and leaned your head on the cold surface of the huge mirror inside. After all the things that happened you actually forgot about your duties as the assistant. Maybe he was nicer to you, but he definitely still cared about his job and appearance. He never showed up at meetings in the same clothes. The change in his feelings towards you wouldn't really matter in that case.
The ride was rather short and you were extremely glad for it. You parked on the pavement, jumped out of your car and sped to the luxury store. Middle-aged woman behind a counter looked at you suspiciously. You tried to catch your breath before standing straight.
“Hello, I'm here to pick Mr. B/L/N suit.”
“Oh, right.” Her voice was moderately calm but you picked trace of irritation in it. “I was waiting the whole day, miss.”
“I'm so sorry, it was such a busy day at work. I couldn't make it earlier,” you lied.
Woman eyed you up and down and her eyes softened a little bit. “It's okay, I understand. It's probably hard to work for such demanding young man,” she laughed.
“Only sometimes,” you smiled softly, taking a bag with suit from her. “Thank you so much and once again, I'm really sorry for the inconvenience. Goodbye.”
You left the store and rolled eyes. Hard? That's a huge understatement.
You hanged the suit over your arm and moved towards B/N's apartment. It wasn't far from the shop and some walk seemed like a good idea to clear your head a bit. You prayed under your nose that the thing he needed to do involved going out, and he wouldn't be at home because that would probably mean scolding.
You sighed. You weren't sure if you were ready to meet him after previous night. You were scared but on the other hand, you wished he would be at home. It was still hard to admit it but you really missed his face, his voice, the way he looked at you.
You approached his building complex and said hello to a different security guard this time. He bowed his head and let you in after you introduced yourself. You pulled out keys and slowly opened the door. The inside was peaceful and quiet. You exhaled. He was out. You kicked your shoes off, put your bag on the table in the kitchen and headed into his bedroom.
You definitely weren't ready for what you saw.
B/N was lying in his bed... with a girl between his legs. She was sucking him off with the most unpleasant sound you ever heard. You were sure she didn't know what she was doing. And his face confirmed your assumptions - he covered his eyes with hand but you saw his bored expression.
You were shocked, to say the least. So, that was the thing he needed to take care off. Remarkably important thing. Fucking jerk. And you were worried about him all day. For no reason. You should have known better. All those changes in him? Those sincere words from yesterday? It was a bullshit. He didn't change at all, he didn't care about you. And you fell for that.
Feeling of betrayal clamped around your heart. If anything started to bloom between the two of you, now it was gone. Like everything else in your life.
You pulled yourself together and cleared your throat, “B/N?”
His eyes snapped open and he looked directly at you. The girl raised her head with drool all over her chin unmoved. You chuckled, scanning his body slowly and staring a little too long at his thick half hard cock. It was pathetic. She was terrible, and she didn't even care. The thought of you on her place crossed your mind and you blinked shocked. It wasn't the time for thoughts like this.
“What are you doing here?” B/N asked with guilt in his eyes. Quit acting, you fucker.
You glanced at him with fake smile, “I brought you your suit. Sorry for the delay.”
“That's okay. Hang it in the wardrobe.”
“Sure thing.”
As soon as you stepped into the closet, you heard his moans. You stopped abruptly and took a sharp breath. What the fuck, B/N? Just a few seconds ago you were bored and now she suddenly knows how to make you feel this good? Sounds he was producing made you clenched your shaky thighs together, your core burned more and more with every moan that left his lips. You shut your eyes and tried to calm your racing heart and erratic breath. Oh god, you're doing this on purpose. You hung the suit with shaky hands and leaned against a dresser. Calm down, Y/N, calm down. It's not like you never heard man moan. Heck, you were the reason they made those sounds in the first place! He's doing this just to make fun of you, just to make you aware that you're stupidly naive.
You couldn't control your feelings. You were angry, disappointed and wronged but no matter what sounds that were escaping his lips aroused you, and you hated yourself for this. You felt the wetness gathering on the fabric of your underwear and it was becoming uncomfortable. There was no point in staying there any longer. You took deep breath and left the wardrobe, trying to appear more confident than you were.
You stopped with a hand on the door. “I put the suit on the left. I want to remind you that you have a meeting at eight tomorrow so please, don't play for too long... boss,” you said with blank expression, staring directly into his eyes. Before you closed the door, you heard him swear.
“Are you crazy,” the girl screamed, coughing hysterically.
You laughed, feeling almost dead inside.
She was useless. He didn't feel anything even though she had her lips around his cock for what seemed like an hour now. He didn't go to work today and invited her to his house to finally relieve some pressure that built in him but it was no use. He felt even worse than before. She didn't know what she was doing, and he started to think that he should throw her out. It wasn't a good idea after all. She wasn't you...
He was about to stop her and throw her out when he heard your voice. “B/N?”
His eyes opened so fast that his vision got blurred. It wasn't his imagination, you were standing there, looking at his body. His cock twitched a little, and he swore in his head. Your eyes ignited the flame in his body that the girl between his legs couldn't do for such a long time. He just needed you around to get hard.
“What are you doing here?” The first thing he noticed when he regained his composure was the harsh look in your eyes. You were mad, it was obvious to him. He felt the guilt building up in him even more.
“I brought you your suit. Sorry for the delay.”
“That's okay. Hang it in the wardrobe.” Wild idea crossed his mind. Maybe it wasn't that bad that you came here. He needed you to get rid of this annoying feeling of dissatisfaction. And if he couldn't have you directly, your presence would be enough. It wouldn't be the same, but he couldn't count on more.
“Sure thing.” He focused on the way your hips sway from side to side when you moved to the wardrobe, and he pushed the girl back onto his dick. She started to suck him again with the same slow pace but this time it felt different. Now his eyes were on your back. He was imagining your plump lips around him instead, he tried to picture you in her position with your hair all over your redden face and drool dripping from your chin.
Loud moan left his parted lips. He wanted you, he wanted you so badly right now. He was ready to throw this girl out of his house if you only said one word. He didn't care about her at all, his mind was occupied with you and it felt so perfect. He saw how your legs trembled and it drove him closer to his climax. He was affecting you the same way you affected him. You could say and do whatever you wanted but you still desired him.
You turned around and he quickly looked away. “I put the suit on the left. I want to remind you that you have a meeting at eight tomorrow so please” you stared into his eyes with blank expression, but your gaze held so much power that he almost lose it, he loved that, “don't play for too long... boss.” He couldn't control himself anymore. As soon as you finished your sentence he came hard, filling the girl's mouth with his seed. Echo of the word “boss” rang inside his head, tormenting him. He never knew that it would arouse him but when it left your pretty lips he lost every bit of control he had. It was a bit embarrassing that he came so fast but it doesn't really matter at that moment. He finally got what he wanted.
“Are you crazy,” the girl screamed, coughing hysterically. He didn't pay any attention to her, trying to catch his breath after long-awaited climax. “I told you that I don't want you to finish inside my mouth! It's gross. Jesus, now you need to do something for me, too,” she smiled sweetly while tracing her fingers on his leg.
“Get out,” he said.
“What?”
“I said, get the fuck out,” he repeated irritated.
“Don't you think I need something in return for the favor?”
“I didn't come thanks to you. You, in fact, were terrible. It was because of her,” he pushed her to the other side of the bed and turned around. “Take your clothes and get out.”
“You son of a bitch,” she yelled, grabbed her belongings and run out of the room.
He closed eyes slowly and imagined you next to him - exhausted, sweaty and his...
You threw yourself on your sofa and groaned loudly. “Fuck you, B/N,” you yelled into the ceiling frustrated. Your whole body, every muscle inside you burnt with anger and desire.
That was why you never engaged yourself in love. Being this vulnerable because of someone, always brought you pain. It made you weak and miserable. You should have learned already that depending on other people was the worst thing to do. They were always only pretending to care. Just as your own parents.
You ran your hand through your hair irritated. You definitely weren't sane. Why the hell you couldn't push his image out of your head? How could you be still attracted to the man that deceived you?
You couldn't concentrate because of the burning feeling in your abdomen. Flustered, you squeezed your thighs together to get some friction. When you moved your hand down, you told yourself over and over again that you were doing this just to get rid of that feeling. Not because of your mind, flashing you image of his sweaty body. Not because of his sweet moans, echoing in your ears.
Your fingers brushed past your wet folds and you pushed them inside you with a low groan. With every move of your hand you were more and more mad. It wasn't enough, it simply didn't feel right.
With heavy feeling of hate, you tried to imagine his lips on your neck, sucking and kissing your hot skin, his long fingers moving inside you, his deep voice saying dirty things right into your ear.
“B/N.” Long moan left your lips shamelessly. You felt dirty. You were nothing to him and yet, there you were, pleasing yourself to the thought of him. How low could you fall?
You digged nails into your thigh hardly, when you finally reached your high.
When a guy from an accounting department, whose name you forgot, told you that the team have planned to go to the party after work and you should join them, you eagerly agreed. Events of recent days became too hard to handle for you and you desperately needed some time to relax and forget, even for a few minutes, about B/N. For the past few days your head was full of extreme thoughts. You weren't sure if you still wanted to continue your task, if you wanted to stay around B/N any longer. You were hurt, and the fact that he acted like nothing happened at first was even more upsetting. He finally noticed the change in your attitude but it seemed that it wasn't something he cared about.
That was why you agreed to join the team that Friday night. That, and because you didn’t even remember when was the last time you went out, not to mention the last time you had sex. And you needed it more than ever. Because of the memory of that night, which you couldn't push out of your head, you were terribly tensed and needy. Even though, you felt terrible about it, that was your reality.
And when you learned that he was probably going too, you felt the need to make him angry, you wanted him to feel what you felt that day you had caught him with another girl. You wished he would really come, see you with someone else and go beyond his limits. You wanted him to boil with anger, to suffer.
“You got this, Y/N. It’s gonna be fine,” you said to yourself. You finished applying red lipstick and took last glance at your image in the mirror. You looked sexy, your black tight mini dress hugged your body in all right places, highlighting the fact that you didn’t wear a bra. Your hair fell back over your shoulders in perfect curls and your makeup was minimal except for bright red lipstick. You smiled to yourself, grabbed a bag from the bed and headed out from your apartment.
When you walked out of a cab right in front of a club, loud sensual music hit your ears. Small groups of drunk people were standing by the entrance, some laughing, some kissing. The inside of the club was extremely hot, smelled like alcohol, weed and sweaty bodies. Dim light and smoke were creating mysterious and arousing atmosphere. People were dancing close to each other, grinding on strangers shamelessly.
You missed such places. There was a time in your life when you spent night after night in clubs like this one, drinking and fooling around with men. It was your way to blow off steam. But since you started your mission that was rare. You spent most of your time at the office with B/N or at Markus’ house, searching for any clues that could help you understand the whole situation you were in. Today was your long-awaited time to relax.
“Y/N,” you heard someone from the left calling your name, so you turned in that direction. You saw a few people from work, sitting on a red couch. You didn’t remember their names except for Anna’s. You smiled at them and sat beside her.
“Beer? Cocktail,” asked guy in a white shirt. You remembered him from somewhere but you weren’t sure where he exactly worked. He was handsome but your plan was to hook up with someone who wouldn’t lose their job because of it.
“Vodka, a lot of vodka,” you said with a grin.
Hour later you lost count of how much you had drunk. You felt dizzy and extremely hot. You didn't have such good time in months. However, there was no sign of B/N and you didn’t really want to wait any longer for him. He probably decided to not come. You started scanning the dance floor, looking for someone suitable for the night. No one really caught your attention until you saw a guy standing by the bar. He was looking at you hungrily, sipping slowly on his whiskey. His tight white button shirt was slightly open, revealing tanned body, his hair were messy and you imagined running your fingers through them. Heat between your legs became unbearable.
You got up with intention to come closer to him but Anna’s hand grabbed your wrist. You turned to her with question on your face.
“You sure you can go anywhere in that state,” she asked. You only nodded your head, scared that she would sense the need in your voice. “Don’t you want to wait for boss?”
You shrugged, yanking your hand from her grip. You looked at the guy again. He was closer now, slowly swaying his body to the rhythm. Wait for boss? For what? Fuck him.
You approached the guy with a smirk on your lips. “Hey,” you said, linking your arms around his neck.
“Hey pretty.” His hands landed on your ass and pulled you close to him. He lowered his head to your neck, kissing and sucking on your skin roughly. You moaned loudly, grinding on his half hard dick, and he squeezed your butt in response. You felt wave of heat in your core, you couldn’t wait any longer, you needed some relief.
You grabbed his hair, pulled his head up and smashed your lips with his. The kiss was rough and needy. One of his hands traveled under the hem of your dress and touched your pussy through panties. You felt him smirk into the kiss when he felt how wet you were.
“Bathroom,” you mumbled between shaky breaths.
He swung you around and guided you to the closed area. His arm around your waist sent shivers down your spine. It didn't feel as good as you wanted, but he was better than nothing.
You kissed him again once the door to the bathroom closed with a quiet click. You run your fingers through his already messy hair, tugging it strongly. He lifted the hem of your dress up to your belly button and shoved his hand into your underwear. You groaned, throwing your head back and giving him access to your neck. He sucked at it again, leaving marks on the sensitive skin. He pushed his erection into your thigh, pinching your swollen pussy at the same time. You screamed in pain and pleasure.
You definitely needed it. You were sure you wouldn't remember his face tomorrow morning but that annoying feeling of dissatisfaction would be gone. And that was what you wanted. Screw B/N for now. Screw him and his fucking game.
The guy was about to push one of his fingers inside you when the door swung open, and he flew into the other side of the room…
He didn’t know why he was doing that exactly. He never went with his employees to party. Moreover, he never visited such filthy and unpleasant places like this bar. He preferred more elegant places with the same amount of horny girls ready to satisfy him. Now he felt disgusted and wanted to leave as soon as the smell of sweat hit his nose. How someone could enjoy something like this?
He looked around and noticed his secretary surrounded by people who he probably should have recognized. He didn’t even bother to recall their names, it was useless for him. He was here just to see you, just to observe how you acted in such environment. Maybe he even hoped that you would change your attitude towards him. After that… incident that happened in his bedroom, you became so cold, so distant, so… practical. You stopped arguing with him, you were doing all your tasks without a word and that made him furious.
He hated it, he hated every second of time spent with you. And it was all his fault. Just when he thought that the things started to look a bit different in his life, that maybe there was a chance and a reason to change his behavior, he fucking ruined it. All because of his stupid mind.
He came closer to the sofa and sat on the edge of it.
“Oh, look who’s here,” shouted a girl with short blond hair. She was clearly drunk as fuck, her eyes were foggy, and she spoke in irritating high-pitched voice. Her comment brought all eyes on him, making him kinda uncomfortable. “Boss, do you want to drink something?”
He looked at them with pity and finally realized that you weren’t there. “I’m not in the mood.”
“Sad,” she giggled and emptied shot of vodka.
B/N looked around, searching for you. He was mad at himself that he agreed to come here. He didn’t like those people, he couldn’t even drink. After the last time, there was no chance he would pour any alcohol in his system for a while.
He sighed and looked at keys in his hands ready to leave. What was the point of being around those people if you weren’t here?
“Boss?” He raised his head and glanced at his secretary. “Are you looking for Y/N?”
He twitched, shocked by her question. Was it that obvious? No, no one seemed to care, they were deep in other conversations, and they didn’t pay any attention to the both of them. Fuck.
“Why would I?”
“I don’t know, it was just a question,” she said while tracing her fingers on the edge of the glass. Something was off, he felt it.
“Just a question? Why did you ask that, huh,” he was mad. He didn’t like the idea of someone knowing that you were on his mind. Especially people who didn’t mean anything to him.
“Well, I thought you would ask about her since we told you she will come. I’m assuming that you agreed just because of this. After all, she’s the closest to you from all of us.” He exhaled slowly. She didn’t suspect anything after all.
He smiled to himself. “That’s true. So” he leaned towards her a little bit, “she didn’t come?”
“Oh no, she came.” He looked at her confused. Corners of her lips twitched. “I guess she’s with that hot guy that was looking at her all night. And I think she will definitely come more than once tonight” she giggled at her own joke.
B/N grabbed her by her shoulders. She whined at his sudden action. “Where the fuck is she?”
“How would I know? I'm not her guardian. Maybe bathroom?” He stood up abruptly and headed in given direction.
He gritted his teeth. Mad wasn’t even close to what he felt at this moment, he wanted to punch someone. Anyone, he didn’t care. He didn’t even understand completely why the thought of you with someone else made him this angry, but it did. He couldn't stand that someone could touch you, make you feel good. Fuck. Did you feel the same when you saw him that night?
He heard your lewd scream when he grabbed bathroom door’s knob. He pushed it quickly and saw you, head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth opened in pleasure and hand of a random guy in your underwear.
Without thinking, B/N punch him in the face, making him fly into the wall. He whined loudly and sank on the floor.
B/N looked at you with fury in his eyes…
Your eyes snapped open and you saw B/N in front of you. He was shaking with anger, his breath was fast and heavy, and his gaze was scarier than you've seen before.
You glanced at the unconscious guy who just seconds ago was about to fuck you. “What are you doing,” you screamed at B/N. You yanked your dress down and tried to come closer to his victim but B/N grabbed your hand and pushed you against the wall. “What?!”
“What,” he growled. “What am I doing? What the fuck are you doing?!”
“That’s non of your business, you jerk! I can do whatever I want! And I wanted to fuck him! Besides, you did the same! Am I not allow to?!”
The whole time you were trying to free yourself from his grip, but he was too strong for you. You attempted to kick him but in one second he grabbed both of your wrists in one hand, pinned them to the wall and caught your leg before you hit him. You cursed under your nose.
That was exactly what you wanted, you made him mad, he probably felt just like you. At least he looked like that. But you didn’t expect him to act this violent. You didn’t know he would take this so seriously.
You were about to scream at him again, but he suddenly kissed you.
You gasped shocked. His lips were much softer and sweeter than the guy’s on the floor, but they were much more greedy. You couldn’t lie, you loved the feeling of his mouth. You closed your eyes and thoughtlessly gave in the kiss. He made you a lot hornier. You felt the dampness inside your underwear more prominent than before. You wanted him, didn’t matter where or what will happen later, even what he did to you before wasn't important now, you just needed him. You moaned when his hand moved higher, touching your butt.
He broke the kiss and stared at you. You knew how you were looking, mouth opened, eyes hooded with desire and full of plea. He didn’t say anything, but he interlocked your fingers and pulled you out of the bathroom, leaving unconscious guy on the floor. He quickly crossed the dance floor and left the bar with you behind him. He opened his car and pushed you inside.
He was driving fast, definitely faster than he should have. He didn’t open his mouth during the ride even once. He looked extremely sexy with his clenched jaw and hands gripping the wheel strongly. But you were unsure, you didn’t know what he was planning. What if he wanted to drop you in your house?
Nah B/N, you’re not leaving me like this now.
Your intoxicated mind took action before you even thought about it carefully. Still looking directly at him, you slid hand down your body and you touched yourself through thin material of your panties. Quiet moan left your lips and brought B/N’s attention to you. He scanned your body, bringing more fire to your core. He clenched the wheel even tighter and sped more.
You knew you won.
When he pulled over to the parking in front of his apartment, you took out hand from your underwear. You wanted to open the door but he stopped you. He brought your fingers between his lips and suck your juices from them. His mouth was hot and his tongue… oh god, you imagined it on your pussy, slightly rough and definitely skilled. You moaned and yanked your hand back. One more minute and you were ready to fuck him in his expensive car.
He was faster than you, he opened door on your side and took you in his arms. You gasped loudly but quickly pushed your shock aside and you put your mouth on his neck, kissing and licking his hot skin. He growled and squeezed you tighter. You didn’t even notice when he entered his apartment. He stormed to his bedroom and threw you on the bed. You sat and took your heels off of your feet. Waiting eagerly for his next move, you moved on all fours and slowly licked your dry lips. He was looking at you and you were sure that after all he still wasn’t able to make up his mind. It was clear to you that he was torn between fucking you and leaving you there untouched.
“B/N,” you said in the most seductive way, “you can’t leave me now. Not when I want you so badly. I want you to fuck me. Rough. Please, boss.”
He was hesitant for a few seconds, but he finally grabbed you by your hair and brought you to his lips, “As you wish, kitten.”
He kissed you even harder than in the club. You felt intoxicated by his touch and smell, you needed him more than air at that moment. Your fingers found buttons of his shirt and you clumsily tried to undo it. He pushed you and ripped his shirt open. Sound of buttons hitting the floor made you gasped. B/N pinned you to the bed and yanked the front of your dress down, revealing your bare breast. Groan left his lips. His eyes on you made you hot, you wanted him to just fuck you, use you, whatever, you needed him inside you.
You were about to say this when his lips attacked your right nipple. You threw your head back, moaning loudly. His tongue swirled around it skillfully and then bit it harshly. Your hand flew into his hair and grabbed it. You felt him smirk into your skin, and then he repeated his action. Your mind was completely blank, there was only him, nothing else mattered. His every touch made you more desperate than you’ve ever been.
He released you and stood up. You looked at him confused. “Take off your clothes. Completely.” You obediently followed, throwing your dress and panties on the floor. “Good. On your knees,” he said while undoing his belt and taking off his jeans and underwear. You finally saw him completely naked in his full glory right in front of you. Your mouth watered at the sight of his cock. You licked your lips and looked up at him. “What are you waiting for? Suck.”
You grabbed his cock in your hand and gave it first lick, collecting precum from its tip. You hummed eagerly and took him fully in your mouth. He was hot, veiny and tasted insanely. You glanced at him when you started bobbing your head on his length, his eyes were closed, and he was breathing through clenched teeth. You couldn’t wait any longer, you needed some type of relief so you touched your wet folds. Shaky breath left your lips.
“Don’t even try,” B/N warned you, “Hands on your thighs.” His voice was deep, angry and filled with arousal. He grabbed your hair, wrap them around his hand and roughly yanked you on his dick. You choked, eyes widening at his violence. He started to fuck your mouth so aggressively that tears started to gather at the corner of your eyes, smearing your mascara all over your face. Saliva mixed with his salty precum dripped from your chin on the floor. You were so close to your high, you felt that tingly sensation build up inside your abdomen, and he wasn't even touching you. But then he stopped and pulled you on your feet. He licked your chin, looking straight into your eyes. “You want me, kitten?”
“Yes, boss.” Your voice was nothing more but a pleading whisper.
“I don’t think so. Try to convince me. What do you want from me?”
You swallowed impatiently. “I want you to fuck me, to use my body however you want to. Mark me, hit me, choke me, whatever, I just want your dick inside me, please,” you whined, touching his firm abs. “Please boss, please I…”
He didn’t let you finish, instead he pushed you on the bed again. “Get on all fours.”
His hand touched your butt and disappeared immediately just to land harshly on one of your cheeks seconds later. You moaned from pain and pleasure. He repeated it a few times, each one stronger than the previous. Your ass hurt as hell and you were sure that you will have problems with sitting tomorrow. But you didn’t care. You also didn’t care that your juices oozed from you down on the silk bed sheets, probably ruining them.
He hit you a few more time, but finally, after what seemed like an eternity, you felt his cock between your folds.
“B/N,” his name left your lips as a long whine and you felt him throb inside you. His moves were quick but steady, he filled you perfectly. Tears rolled down on your face, you were so sensitive, so close to your climax. You were sure that you wouldn’t last long. B/N grabbed your throat, squeezed it and brought you closer so that you were pressed to his chest.
“Are you going to cum for me like a good girl?” You nod slightly, unable to produce any words. His other hand traveled down to your clit and started rubbing it quickly. You couldn’t take it anymore.
Climax hit you so hard that you lost your vision, white spots danced in front of your eyes and you didn’t even hear your own weak scream. You were sure that if he wasn’t holding you, you would collapse. You never experienced something like this, it was the hardest orgasm you’ve ever had. You wanted nothing more than to lay on the soft bed and fall asleep.
But B/N wasn’t finished yet. He slammed into you harder and you screamed again. You were so overstimulated that his every move brought pain. You tried to free yourself and proposed to suck him off, but he only tightened his grip on your neck. You gasped for air and shut your eyes, unable to think anymore. His moves became sloppier, and he finally came with a loud moan. His hot seed filled you, bringing you to another orgasm.
Then there was only darkness…
He finally came. He was more than satisfied but the fact that this was probably the best sex and the hardest orgasm he ever had kinda terrified him. Maybe, just maybe, somewhere at the back of his mind such thought existed, but he didn’t want to admit it. You were intoxicating, that was certain. Your every move, every sound messed with his head, and he wasn’t sure if it was something good or bad. He didn’t really know what to think about it at all.
He loosened the grip on your throat. “Are you okay?”
You didn’t give him any response, so he looked at you with concern. Your head was laid on his shoulder, eyes closed and chest raising slowly. He smiled to himself.
Slowly, he put you on the bed and headed to the bathroom to get a towel. He carefully cleaned you from his cum and put blanket over your naked body. He laid next to you amazed. He had sex so many times but it never happened, no single women lost consciousness because of him. And no other women made him feel so satisfied, so… complete.
He gently touched your face. “You’re more dangerous than I thought, Y/N.”
He brought you to his chest and slowly fell asleep, breathing in your sweet scent...
Terrible headache woke you up in the morning. Sunlight that came through the window made you squeeze your eyes shut. Your throat was extremely sore and when you rolled on your side, sharp pain radiated from your ass. You whined, trying to remember what happened yesterday. Your memories were fogged, some unclear bits that didn't make any sense.
Something moved on your left and you snapped your eyes in this direction.
Then it hit you.
“Oh fuck.” You sat on the bed, blanket fell off of you, revealing your naked body. “Oh shit, shit, shit.” You quickly got up, trying not to wake B/N up, gathered your clothes from the floor and put them on in a hurry. What the fuck, Y/N? What have you done?
It wasn’t suppose to happen. You wanted to get laid but not with him… especially not with him, not after what he did. What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all? Now being around him, would be even harder. Thought about leaving all this shit crossed your mind, but you didn't have time to think about it. You needed to get out of B/N's house. Fast.
You looked at him before leaving his bedroom. In the sunlight he looked like an angel but his messy hair and slightly opened mouth brought memories of the previous night. He was far from an angel.
You couldn’t stop yourself and before you registered what you were doing, you kissed him delicately. “I hope you won’t remember that, B/N.”
When he woke up, he was ready to brush your hair and inhale your scent. It was hard for him to fully understand that. He just felt the need to do that.
When he turned around to where you were supposed to lie and realized that you’re gone, he sat straight confused. He looked around, there was no trace of you in his room, all your belongings were gone, the side of the bed where you were lying yesterday was cold. He cursed under his breath. What the fuck? Last night you were begging him to fuck you, to use your body however he wanted, and now when you satisfied your needs you were gone? No “thank you”, no “forget about it”, nothing. You just left him naked and alone. It wasn’t going to work with him.
He clenched his jaw and headed into the shower. He needed to think. It wasn’t like he never done something like this, of course he was leaving women’s houses when he was finished with them, it was normal for him. But someone leaving him? It never happened and it made him furious. Did that sex mean nothing to you? You definitely wanted it and you enjoyed it as much as he did. And yet, you left without a word. Was that your plan? Did you want to use him and disappear, so he would feel like every woman he had? Or... maybe you wanted him to feel the same as you felt a few days ago.
He banged his head on the wall, cold water running down his face. His feelings confused him. He didn’t understand your motifs, not to mention your feelings, which he didn’t like. He wanted to know clearly whether you felt something for him or not. He needed to know this. Even though, he was still reluctant to admit it, the thought of you not caring about what happened yesterday upset him.
Because deep down, he cared about it.
B/N entered the company, ignoring people who greeted him. He wasn’t in the mood, he just wanted to ask you if you remember anything from previous night, and if you at least felt good. He opened his office and saw you leaning against his desk and explaining something to Jiho. You were wearing pencil skirt and turtleneck. When you turned to look at him, blush creeped on your cheeks and you lowered your gaze. You definitely remembered.
“B/N, good to finally see you. You know you’re late, right?” Jiho was clearly irritated. B/N sat on his chair and focused his gaze on you. You shifted uncomfortable. “You have meeting in an hour and you didn’t even read what Anna had prepared for you,” he continued. “I asked Y/N to prepare shorter version of the files. Familiarize yourself with them. Y/N will help you.”
“What,” she squeaked. “I think you will do better than me.”
“Oh I know but I have other things to do. I’m counting on you, Y/N,” he said and left the office.
Uncomfortable silence fell over both of you. You took a deep breath and looked up. Your teeth tightened on your lower lip. B/N wanted to grab you and pull your mouth into the kiss, he wanted to be the one to bite your lips.
“So…” he started.
“I’m going to briefly explain to you what your meeting will be about, boss,” you cut him off. He blinked a few times confused. It was the last thing he wanted to do with you right now.
“I think we have something to discus.”
“Yeah and it’s content of your meeting, boss.”
“Y/N.”
“No. As Jiho said, you have a meeting in an hour and you need to be prepared for it. You can’t risk loosing this connection. We can talk about whatever you want after the conference but I think it won’t be necessary.” Your tone made him clenched his fist. So you wanted to forget about yesterday’s night? It really meant nothing to you.
Next half an hour he spent learning useless information just to please you. He was looking at you the whole time, trying to understand what you were thinking. It was difficult for him, it was the best sex he ever had, and he was sure it was the same for you, yet you decided to not talk about this, to forget everything. He refused to let this happen, he wanted to repeat that night again and again.
"Okay, I think that’s all I can tell you. I will escort you to the meeting room and leave these files with you. You will definitely make it work,” you said finally.
He stood up and followed you to the elevator. You didn't talk, you didn't even spare a glance at him, making him more anxious than he already was. When the door closed themselves, he didn't hesitate. Without thinking, he pushed an emergency button. Elevator stopped between floors with a loud scraping sound.
“What the fuck B/N,” you yelled. You tried to push the button again, but he pinned you to the wall with his body.
“We are going to talk about yesterday’s night, whether you like it or not, Y/N,” he groaned into your ear. Your breath stopped in your throat and he noticed it. “Why did you leave without a word?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh, really,” he mocked you, shoving his hand under your skirt. You shuddered when his slander fingers touched your core. “I’m sure you perfectly know what I’m talking about. Look how wet you are right now. And I barely touched you. You remember feeling of my cock inside you, right? Come on, Y/N, I know you want me.”
“You know nothing, B/N,” you whispered between moans. His fingers curled inside you, hitting your sensitive spot. You threw your head back. “Oh fuck.” His lips attacked your jaw, kissing it sloppily.
“I don’t think so. I definitely know how to make you feel good, kitten.” He removed his fingers and yanked your panties off of you. He unbuckled his jeans, picked you up and order you to wrap your legs around him. You obeyed and connected your lips together again. He entered you fast with a low groan. You were squeezing him tightly, and he felt like he was in heaven. It was perfect.
Why the hell you wanted to forget about it?
Your arms wrapped around his neck and fingers tangled themselves in his hair. Sounds that were leaving your parted lips, brought him so close to his orgasm that he was ashamed of himself. “Come on, kitten, cum for me. I’m sure you want that.”
Your legs squeezed around him, bringing him even closer. You were purring into his ear with content.
“B/N… oh my god,” you moaned right after you came around him, pulling hardly on his hair. Your lewd moans brought him to his release shortly after you. He pushed inside you a few more times and didn’t pull out immediately. He stayed in the same position for a few more minutes, trying to catch his breath. He enjoyed your warmth too much for his liking.
“Don’t even try to ignore what happened yesterday and now, Y/N. I want this to happen regularly. And I know you want that, too,” he said. You nodded slowly, still unable to talk. He put you down, reached for your underwear and helped you put them on. He looked at you, foggy eyes, erratic breath and wrinkled clothes. You definitely looked like you just got fucked. He kissed the top of your head and push the emergency button. Elevator moved again. “Maybe you should cover your face with hair or something cause when someone sees you, they will know what just happened. Besides, I want to be the only one to have the privilege to see you like this.”
He smirked, pleased with the blush that appeared on your cheeks.
After what happened in the elevator, you had no chance to talk with B/N. You waited for him, still too shocked with what happened, but he was at the meeting for so long that Anna finally decided to drag you out of the company. You protested, telling her that you need to talk to him, but she wasn't listening.
That was why the next morning you were running from the parking lot with flushed cheeks, hoping that you would be faster than B/N at the office. You were more than excited to see him again. It was only few hours since you saw him last time but there was something thrilling about approaching meeting. The memories of his hands on your body, his lips on your forehead were as fresh as the morning sun, and they set your expectations for today high.
Every part of your body tingled with anticipation and excitation. No matter how much you wanted to calm yourself down, it was hard. Yes, there was a small voice at the back of your head, trying to convince you that this whole situation is bad and you shouldn't engage yourself into it after all but you were ready to ignore it. For now, at least.
There was still no solid reason for you to stop all of this. All of his words and touches were done unconsciously, he for sure didn't know what he was feeling, and as long as he didn't understand it, it was fine to go along with his... proposition. He seemed too naive to figure it out alone, and you had no intention to help him with that.
“Good morning Anna,” you sang, leaning on her desk. “Is B/N in his office?”
She looked at you with a soft smile. “Hey, no, he's not here yet.” She brought herself closer to you. “I didn't have a chance to ask you earlier. How it went with this guy?”
“What guy?” You squinted your eyes in confusion.
“Come on, the one from the bar.”
“Oh...” You scratched your neck, slightly uncomfortable. Memories of that night flooded your mind, and non of them included the guy she was referring to. You weren't even sure anymore how he looked. “Well, it didn't work out.”
Anna patted your hand placed on her desk. “Was it because of B/N? If yes, then I'm sorry. I told him...”
“Hey, chill,” you interrupted her. “I didn't say I've come back home alone.” You smirked at her.
“So?” You tilted your head in question. “Are you going to tell me more about it,” she asked with curiosity in her eyes.
“About what?” Anna jumped in her chair with a scream, and you turned your head rapidly, meeting B/N's gaze. He was standing so close that you felt his warmth on the side of your body and even hotter breath on your cheek. His eyes scanned your face, and slowly slid down to the low-cut of your dress. His hungry stare lingered there for a few seconds, making you grip the edge of Anna's desk harder, and then he turned to her. “What was so interesting that you didn't even notice me?”
Anna cleared her throat. “I- we...”
“Yes,” he insisted.
You leaned toward him, taking hold of yourself again. “What? Did that hurt your pride,” you asked playfully. He looked at you with squinted eyes and clenched jaw. If you saw him like this a few days ago, you would have said that he wanted to hit you. Now? Maybe he wanted it too but in completely different situation.
“Y/N.” His voice was laced with warning, and you were ready to push him even further. He tilted his head to the side, and then corner of his mouth twitched. He probably sensed what you were doing and it both excited and scared you. Were you really this easy to read? “To my office, now.”
Anna stood up. “Boss, we...”
“It's fine, I can take it,” you said with a shrug, following B/N. The moment she couldn't hear you, you added just for him, “I already did.”
As soon as you stepped into B/N's office and closed the door, he pinned you to them, trapping you between the cold surface and his hot body. His hands squeezed your hips painfully, making you flinch. He smirked, pleased with your reaction.
“Back to being cheeky?” He put his mouth on your neck and sucked harshly on sensitive skin. You bit on your lips, trying to suppress the moan.
“I don't know what you're talking about,” you gasped.
B/N backed away. “Okay then.” He moved to his chair and sat on it with a smirk plastered to his lips. “What is today's schedule?”
You looked at him with wide eyes. Your breath was uneven, and heart pounded furiously in your chest. Ghost of his touch still lingered on your body. You didn't understand what just happened. “I- why did you stop?”
“I don't know what you're talking about,” he mocked you.
With a groan, you approached him, put your hands on the armrests and lowered yourself a bit. “Don't fuck with me.”
“I thought you want me to,” he laughed.
Your jaw dropped in shock, and it wasn't just because of his words. He seemed a bit more... relaxed. Playful. You never saw him joking and that new side of him pulled you even harder to him. When you met him, it didn't cross your mind that he was capable of smiling, not to mention joking. And now he was smiling at you, in a sweet way almost, and it made your heart skip a beat once again. It was dangerous and scary, you knew it, but it was also nice, and you couldn't bring yourself to stop his little game yet.
Without thinking, you traced your fingers from his temple to the jaw. He watched you carefully with half-closed eyes. “Y/N?” You jerked your hand away, frightened by your own actions. You scolded yourself mentally for that moment of weakness. “Are you okay?”
His eyes scanned your face again. His brows were raised in question. He tried to look unmoved, but you knew he was concerned. Somehow, it was easier to read him now, as if he unconsciously decided to open up to you.
“Yeah, why wouldn't I?” You tried to step aside, scared of your emotions, but B/N pulled you closer. You lost your balance and landed on his knees. “Whoa, what?”
B/N moved his head closer to your neck, and placed a kiss on the spot he abused earlier. You hissed in pain. “I'm back to what I was doing.” His tongue slid over your skin, leaving wet trail in the process. He grabbed the hem of your dress, trying to pull it higher.
“Wait, are you serious?”
“You thought that I'm joking,” he asked without looking at you, too focused on leaving kisses all over your neck.
“No- well, maybe... hold on, we can't do it here.” You tried to stand up, but he held you in place, wrapping his arm around your waist.
“We can, and we will. I wanted to fuck you in my office from the first time I've seen you. The image of you bend over my desk haunted me for days, kitten. You're not going to run now.” His hand moved down under your dress, and he dragged one of his fingers on your clothed clit. You shuddered under his touch, leaning your head back on his shoulder. “You can't tell me you don't want it. Your actually wetter than I thought.”
“I've never said I don't want it,” you whined. “I simply don't want anyone to see us.”
His mouth was back at your neck, and he moved your undies to the side, sliding his fingers through your folds painfully slow. Your back arched, and shaky breath left your parted lips.
“Why do you care?”
“Can you shut u-,” loud moan cut you in the middle, when B/N pushed his fingers into you. You grabbed his forearm, not entirely sure for what reason. You wanted him to stop, but at the same time to go faster. He pumped his digits into you, curling them at the most perfect angle. You rolled your hips, earning a low groan from B/N. Just then you realized he was already hard and it hit you that he probably wanted it even before he entered the building.
You weren't sure how and when that happened but in one swift move he brought you to your feet, pushed you over his desk and leaned on your body. His hard dick brushed over your ass, and he hissed again. Your face was laying flat on the cold wood, cooling your feverish body a bit. You glanced around just in time to notice how B/N hastily undid his zipper and pulled out his reddened cock. He lifted his eyes and met your hungry gaze. With a smirk, he started sliding his hand up and down his length.
Although the view was mesmerizing, you wanted to feel him, to touch him, to have him inside you. And preferably, you wanted it as soon as possible. You turned to him, wrapped your fingers around his and tightened his grip. He took a sharp breath, leaning toward you.
“I want you, boss,” you purred in his ear.
His eyes snapped open. He wrapped his other arm around you and pulled you up, sitting you on the desk. He shook your hand off and stood between your legs eagerly. Your eyes didn't leave his, when he pushed your undies aside and slid in you. Your head flew backward, and long moan escaped your lips.
“Eyes on me,” he gritted through clenched teeth. His hand wrapped around your throat, squeezing it. Your breath got stuck in your lungs, and your vision got blurry. B/N groaned loudly. “Fuck, if only you could see yourself now, kitten.”
You gasped for air. You couldn't make any sound, you couldn't move, you were at his mercy, and it brought you even closer to the climax. The fact that he could do whatever he wanted with you made your head spin. With desire, but also with fear.
B/N loosened the grip on your throat and leaned closer. His lips were inches away from yours, when the door behind you flew open.
“B/N, do you rememb-,” Jiho said but cut himself as soon as he noticed the scene in front of his eyes. B/N looked at him angrily, not stopping his movements. You tried to free yourself, but he tightened his fingers on your neck once again, making you whine pathetically. Your whole face burned with embarrassment but you couldn't do anything. The burning feeling in your abdomen was dangerously close to spread through your body and you weakly patted B/N's hand to let him know. You didn't want to come while Jiho was watching.
B/N glanced at you, and without breaking eye-contact with you, he growled, “I'm busy now.”
“I can see.”
“Jiho, get the fuck out of here. Now.” It was hard for him to talk, his voice was strained and his moves became erratic. He was as close as you, and even though, he didn't care about Jiho seeing him in this state, he couldn't let his friend to see you like this.
You didn't hear Jiho's answer but as soon as the door clicked, your whole body trembled in ecstasy. Your vision darkened and you slapped B/N's hand a few times, scared that you could pass out. His arm fell on the desk, and he moaned a little too loud, reaching his high, too. He pressed his forehead on your shoulder, breathing hardly.
You dragged your fingers through his hair and yanked them hardly, lifting his head. “What was that, B/N,” you hissed.
“Hm,” he murmured dreamily.
“Why didn't you stop when Jiho...”
“There was no need.”
“No need?” You pushed him away, flinching at the loss of contact. “You fucking jerk.”
B/N grabbed the back of your neck, pulling you closer. You gasped, shocked. “Watch your mouth, kitten. Jiho is my friend. Besides, he saw me like this already.”
“But he didn't see me,” you mumbled. “Fuck.”
“Hey,” he lowered his gaze, “he saw nothing, only your back. I wouldn't let him enjoy this view.”
You took a deep breath. “It's embarrassing.”
B/N smiled sweetly and placed a kiss on your temple. “It's okay. Don't worry that pretty head of yours.” He dragged his fingers down your spine. “I would love to stay like this longer, but he's probably behind those damn door.”
“Yeah.” You took a step back and glanced at him. You bit your lips, trying to suppress the smile. “Maybe you should dress up first?”
B/N insisted that you should stay during his conversation with Jiho but you refused more times than it was necessary. He walked with you to the door, and before he opened them, he connected his lips with yours in a quick kiss. His hand slowly ran down your waist, smoothing your dress in the process.
“Prepare the documents for today's meeting. I will meet you at the conference room, okay?”
“Sure,” you said, and with rosy cheeks you left his office, averting Jiho's gaze.
B/N looked at his friend, annoyed. Without a word he moved back to his desk and sat on it with folded arms. Jiho followed him, smirk plastered to his mouth. He dropped down onto the chair, and nudged B/N's foot. “What?”
“I thought you wanted to ruin her life.”
“I still want to do it, man, but maybe... in a different way.”
Jiho laughed. “That's kinda funny, you know? You were all about how she's annoying, and she drives you crazy, and now you fuck her on your own desk. What's the difference now, huh?”
B/N stood up and turned to the big window. That was a good question. Something changed, and he still wasn't sure what exactly. “Honestly?”
“And how do you think?”
“I don't know,” he groaned. “It's just... yeah, she annoys me and stuff, but she pulls me to her in a weird way. And,” he brushed fingers through his hair, “fuck man, after I got a taste of her body, I can't forget about it. I dream about her, I want to touch her, wreck her... I just want her around me all the time. And I know what I've said earlier but... I'm not sure if this wasn't what I wanted from the beginning.”
Jiho was silent for some time but when he spoke up again, B/N froze in place. “Everything's cool but what about her past? She lied to us, and we still don't know why. Yes, she didn't do anything suspicious yet, but we can't be sure.”
“I do remember this,” he gritted through clenched teeth.
He felt like idiot because of this whole situation. Even though, he was aware that you were hiding something from him, he hired you. He knew, and yet he still wanted you around all the time. He tried to convince Jiho, and maybe even himself, that it was because he wanted to find out what were your motifs, but the truth was, he was simply interested in you. Even before the job interview, they found missing pieces in the background information you've provided them. There was something odd about it but no matter how hard they tried to look for any clue, they couldn't find anything other than what you've given them. It was almost like someone cleverly hid everything about you for some reason.
What made B/N even more anxious was the fact that he did and said a lot of terrible things to you, and you still stayed. He was sure that you had some hidden agenda in being his assistant, but he couldn't figure out what it could be.
And the fact that you were okay with every fucked up thing he did, scared the hell out of him. What have happened to you before you came to his company that you even were fine with Sheng's behavior?
“You remember, and yet you're falling for her,” Jiho said out of nowhere, interrupting his thoughts.
B/N turned rapidly. “Are you fucking kidding me? Me? Falling for someone?”
“That's how it looks to me, B/N, and it worries me. No matter what you think, I want you to find someone who will put up with your shit and will love you unconditionally, but I'm not sure if she's the best candidate.”
“I don't go in for love and relationships, Jiho. It's the same with her, I'm all in for her body and that's it,” he groaned annoyed, not sure if he himself believed that anymore.
“I hope you mean it.”
Silence fell over both of them and he winced. “What did you come here for in the first place,” he asked, trying to change the topic. In a very long time he didn't feel like this, judged and uncomfortable under someone's gaze, and he definitely didn't miss it. He wanted this feeling to pass as quickly as possible. Of course, he didn't blame Jiho for this, he was just worried about him and B/N appreciated it. But the thought of other people noticing some kind of change in him, irritated the hell out of him.
“Oh, yeah. I wanted to ask you if you remember that you're supposed to meet your family on Saturday.”
B/N groaned again. “No, I didn't but you just fucking reminded me of this.”
“You haven't seen them in a long time, man, you should go.”
“And I was perfectly okay with this,” he sighed, sitting in his chair.
It wasn't like he didn't like them... he hated them. Especially his stepmother and her fucked up son. They've made his life a living hell for so many years. There was no chance he would ever forgive them for what they did to him, for how their words and actions shaped him in to a person he was now. Even mention of them made him clenched his hands into fists.
“Then do it for your father.”
“I will think about it.”
After Jiho left his office, B/N had to force himself to do the same with all the strength he had in him. His head was full of thoughts, confusing him more than anything ever. Out of nowhere everything became complicated. And he was... scared. Scared that, in fact, something had changed. Scared that he couldn't understand why it happened exactly.
As soon as he left the elevator, he saw you and the guy he was having the meeting with, chatting casually. You were smiling and you looked like you enjoyed the conversation. Much to B/N's dissatisfaction. However hard he tried to remember, he never saw you so relaxed and comfortable around him. With him you always seemed careful and maybe even tensed, and the realization of this made him angrier than he already was.
“I must say, miss, that I'm kind of jealous of your boss.”
“And why is that,” you asked, laughing.
“Well, I hope you won't be mad at me for saying this, but I would love to have such a beauty as my assistant. It probably would make my day a lot better.”
You opened your mouth but before any sound left them, B/N put his hand on the small of your back, pressing it hardly into you. You turned your head, trying not to show any sign of pain on your face. B/N looked at you shortly with cold gaze and switched his attention to the man. “Oh it sure does make my day better, Kim.”
“You're pretty lucky. You know,” he said, glancing at you with a playful smile, “if you ever got tired of him, I would definitely find a place for you in my company.”
B/N pulled you closer to him. His jaw was clenched, and eyes deadly serious. He never liked Kim but at that moment he wanted to rip his head off. “Don't make me laugh. Even in your wildest dreams she won't spread her legs for you.”
You gasped shocked, jumping away from him. It seemed like you wanted to say something but eventually you stayed silent. They didn't even pay attention to you anymore.
“Are you sure about it?”
“You bet. Only I can have this pleasure,” B/N said with a smirk.
Kim glanced at you. “I stand by what I said, miss.”
“How about we talk on another day, Kim? If you stay here any longer, I don't know what I will do.”
“Like the old days, huh? Send me an email regarding new date.” He moved past B/N and stopped near you. “Remember what I said,” he winked at you with a smile.
B/N exhaled slowly, hanging his head low. Anger boiled inside him, making his heart speed. Why the fuck all the people around him wanted you for themselves? He finally found something... someone who made his days better and everyone wanted to steal you from him.
He raised his eyes, meeting your angry gaze.
You stormed in to the conference room, pulling confused B/N with you. You pushed him towards the wall, and with rage in your eyes you pointed the finger at the door. “What the fuck did you do just now? Is today a day to embarrass me or are you just stupid?”
“Y/N,” he warned, taking step forward.
“No, shut up.” You massaged your temple, trying to gather your thoughts. You weren't even that mad about what he said, or even what he did earlier in his office. The fact that he was clearly jealous made your blood boiled. It wasn't supposed to be like that. You thought that the chance of him seriously falling for you was small, but with each action he proved you wrong. He was already too deep with his feelings. And that was dangerous. “Why did you do it?”
“What exactly?”
“Don't play dumb, B/N. You were marking your territory as if we were in a relationship. News flesh, we are not, and don't forget that.”
He gritted his teeth. “I know this.”
“So why are you so jealous,” you shouted. “You did the same at the club. I'm not your damn property, we are just fucking, nothing more.” You ran your hand through hair annoyed to the core. You wanted him to get closer to you, to open up but not exactly this way, you didn't want him to fall in love with you. Not when you knew how it all would end. Sooner or later you would disappear from his life and you both would be left hurt if those feelings got any stronger.
“I'm not jealous, Y/N, I just don't like to share.”
You took a better look at him, he was extremely tensed, and his hands were clenched into fists. Even if he wanted to hide it, you saw how they tremble lightly, and you weren't sure if it was because he was this angry or if he was confused and overwhelmed with his own emotions. Either way there was no point in talking to him any longer. You were certain that he would try to calm you down or say something sweet that would melt your stupid heart, and you couldn't let that happen.
You sighed deeply. “Sure. You know what? Let's keep it professional for some time because it looks like too much sex gets you all confused.”
“Are you serious,” he asked, blinking in shock.
“Dead serious, boss,” you said, and hastily left the room, not giving him a chance to change your mind.
Ignoring B/N and focusing only on your work as his assistant wasn't an easy thing to do from the very beginning, and now... it was even harder. You tried to be as professional as possible, only do what was required from you, but B/N constantly reminded you of the uncertain status of your relationship. He was looking at you, and only you, whenever you were around, his hands reached for you even if it was just for the smallest touch, and he couldn't stop talking about how much you and this situation annoyed him. He reminded you at least once an hour how badly he wanted to go back to your deal.
You tried your hardest to resist him. It was both irritating and saddening. As much as you wanted to go back to how your relationship looked before, it wasn't possible. Deep down, even if you didn't want to admit it, you knew that you both were already too deep into each other and there was no really turning back now. You wished that you could stop it from developing even more but you weren't sure if it was still possible.
Dread was looming over you all the time. There was definitely no happy ending to it, you felt it in your bones.
As soon as you entered the office after the weekend, you knew, you just knew, that something would happen. The atmosphere was heavier than usual, even Anna seemed to be more uncomfortable than you've ever seen her. You sat on your chair and glanced at her suspiciously. She ignored you, too focused on the files in front of her.
“Anna,” you spoke up confused.
She glanced at you, surprised. “Oh, Y/N, hey. I didn't see you.”
“Yeah, I know. Something happened?”
“I'm sure it did,” she sighed, leaning in her chair. “You definitely noticed that B/N is acting... strangely for a few days now. Fuck, it's not possible not to notice, you'd have to be blind not to see it. But today... I- I'm kind of worried about him. He came into the company, looking so fucking depressed, he didn't want anything from me, said basically nothing beside cancel my meeting today and locked himself in his office. He seems so down, I've never seen him like this, it's not like him at all.”
You looked at the door to B/N's office sadly.
It wasn't suppose to happen. None of it. You thought that after so much time, you would be out of this place already. You were sure you would leave this whole mess behind you, without regrets and, most importantly, without such strong feelings towards B/N. You had no plan to fall in love with him, and you were definitely on such track. Hatred was the only thing you were supposed to feel. And it should have been the same for him.
“Y/N, can you... you know, talk to him,” Anna asked with hope in her voice.
“I don't think it's a good idea.”
“Just try. You're closer to him than any other person in this company.” You opened your mouth to protest but Anna shushed you. “If not for him, then do it for me. I can't take this anymore.”
You took a deep breath. If only it was as easy as you think.
“Please, Y/N,” she begged.
“Fuck... okay, I can try but I can't guarantee anything,” you said, standing up. With heavy heart and trembling hands you approached his office. You knocked on the door but you didn't hear any answer. Hesitantly, you came inside and frozen instantly. Papers were scattered all around the room and among them, on the floor, B/N was sitting with head hidden in his hands. You came closer to him and knelt. “Hey, B/N, are you okay?”
He raised his head slowly and looked at you with sad eyes. Dark circles on his face were bigger than you've ever saw on him, his clothes were wrinkled and it looked like he didn't shave for, at least, three days. It wasn't like him. He seemed fragile and broken, and that hurt you more than anything. “What are you doing to me, Y/N,” he said weakly.
You sat across him and took a deep breath. “I'm not doing anything to you. It's all in your head.”
“Sure,” he laughed. “I knew you would say something like this. What else could I expect from you, huh?”
“What?”
“Come on, I'm sure you feel the same as me, but for some fucking reason you deny it all the time.”
You rolled your eyes annoyed. “Like you? That means what exactly?”
“I don't know, I can't describe it, but I'm sure that there is something. Something that pulls me closer to you. Something that I can't resist.” He extended his hand, trying to reach you but you moved back. He laughed again. “See?”
Your heart was racing furiously. He was right. He was so damn right, but you couldn't tell him this. You weren't doing this just for your peace of mind but also for him. You didn't want him to suffer later on. Actually, that was the last thing you wanted. “B/N, it's all...”
“In my head, right,” he interrupted you. “Quit the bullshit already. We both know you're trying to convince yourself, not me.”
You stood up abruptly. Your hands were trembling in frustration. “B/N... for fuck's sake, get your shit together. I don't need to convince myself because I know that the only thing between us is sex. Nothing more. You should finally see this too, you're only making yourself look more pathetic.”
“So it's my fault now,” he hissed, getting on his feet, too.
“After all, it was you who proposed this deal.”
“Yeah, right. But you eagerly agreed to it. Oh, and don't forget that you begged me to fuck you that night when we left the club.”
“I was fucking drunk and horny,” you yelled. “It didn't matter. Should I remind you that I was ready to sleep with someone else? No, wait, it won't fit in your narrative, right?”
You could have sworn that you saw like all his strength left his body. He leaned against his desk, turning his head the other way. “Why are you doing this,” he asked quietly. Cold hand of pain squeezed your heart painfully. Seeing him like this was hard, and you were sure that any more minute spent there would end up in your defeat.
“B/N, listen to yourself. Stop overthinking it and just listen to what you're saying,” you sighed, turned around without second glance at him and left his office before tears rolled down your cheeks.
He watched as you were leaving his office and, as much as he wanted to go after you, he stopped himself. His head was spinning with too many thoughts. Was he wrong about your relationship? Did you really feel nothing? That's how it looked like. That was the only logical answer to your coldness during this conversation that he could come up with. You seemed not affected at all by this situation, you were still as beautiful and lively as always.
And he was the opposite. For the past few days he couldn't sleep, eat, and there was no room in his head for caring about his looks. He just didn't care. The only thing that he was constantly thinking about was you, and only you.
There was no point in denying it anymore, he fell for you. He was terrified by that thought but that was the truth. For the first time in his life he finally felt alive, even if that lasted only two days. There was something in you that made him feel things he didn't know he could experience. He always thought that love wasn't for him, after all even his family wasn't capable of loving him. He never experienced it, or simply didn't remember. But that wasn't the point.
The point was that he didn't know that he was able to love anyone.
And now that he miraculously found someone who woke up those feelings in him, he was left alone with all of this. Left in fear and confusion.
You leaned against the door with closed eyes and heavy breath. It was too late to save him from pain now. It was okay for you, you got used to feeling broken and alone but the thought of him feeling the same hurt you more than anything. You really tried to prevent this but B/N was probably in love with you long before he'd proposed that deal. And now there was nothing you could do. You could avoid him, ignore him, tell him every awful thing you could come up with, but there was no use in doing this.
There was only one thing you could do but you didn't have the strength to do it yet. Leaving him, leaving all this mess behind you, was probably the best thing you could do, but you wanted to be selfish for once. You wanted to spend some more time with him, even if that meant just looking at him from afar. Even if that meant that you would need to disappear from, not only his life, but lives of other people around you... Markus, Anna, and especially Kyo.
Just few more days and you would leave. As far as possible.
You wiped the tears from your face and approached Anna. She looked up at you and when she noticed your reddened eyes, she sighed. “It didn't work out?”
“No. I would even say that I made it worse.”
“Oh fuck. What happened to him?”
“I- I don't know.” You glanced at the door to his office with guilt. You knew all to well what happened, after all it was your fault.
Before you had a chance to turn around, the door opened and B/N came out of the room. He looked even worse than just a few minutes before. He seemed smaller... weaker. It was as if all the hope he had in him before your conversation was gone now. Your heart stopped at the sight and the only thing you wanted was to take him in your embrace and tell him that it would be alright. But that would be a lie, and you didn't want to deceive him even more.
He looked at you sadly and passed by you without a word. Anxious, you grabbed his arm, making him turn around. His eyes landed on your hand tightly wrapped around his and you could see on his face how hard it was for him to not react.
“Where are you going,” you asked.
“Home, or bar, I don't know. I can't be here any longer.”
“Boss,” Anna started. “Is everything all right? Are you okay?”
B/N laughed sadly. “Do I look like I'm okay? Shit, I'm far from being okay.”
“Can we talk once more,” you proposed, ready to give in. You couldn't look at him in this state anymore. It was too hard.
“No, we can't. There's nothing to talk about, Y/N.”
You tried to stop him, you really did, but he yanked his arm away and disappeared in the elevator, leaving you with heart shattered into pieces.
You felt like this once, and you prayed to all gods that you would not feel it ever again. It was too similar to what you experienced in your childhood, being left alone with no hope, no positive emotions. The only thing existing in your broken heart was sadness and loneliness. Fuck, maybe what you felt right now was even worse. Back then, there was no guilt in you, but now it filled every part of your body in the most painful way.
You called B/N many times during that day, but he never picked up. At some point he finally turned his phone off, leaving you without any way to track him. You were more than worried. Seeing how badly he was dealing with this, you feared that he would do something stupid. And you couldn't stop thinking about what would happen later... when you leave. If he was so depressed with you still around him, how would he react to the situation where he couldn't see you anymore?
When you finally left the company and got to your apartment, you couldn't deal with your thoughts and emotions any longer. Rain that was falling on you heavily, was mixing with your bitter tears, and making you even colder than you were.
You got on your floor and frozen immediately. Your breath got stuck in your throat and the bag you held in your hand fell on the floor. “B/N?”
He looked at you with slightly reddened eyes and leant against the door more. “Hey.” His voice was hoarse and filled with so much pain that you couldn't bear it.
“What are you doing here?”
He sighed deeply. “You know, I wanted to drink, to get wasted until I lost consciousness but I had no strength to deal with people. I never really had, but... it's harder today. Every time I got caught in my thoughts, I saw your face, I could fucking smell your fragrance. So I came here. I don't even know how it happened,” he laughed. “I was thinking about you and suddenly I was here. That's fucked up, right?”
You came closer to him, and just then you noticed how much he trembled. His clothes were wet, sticking to every part of his body. “You shouldn't be here.”
“Yeah, I know but I couldn't help myself. I can't deal with this anymore. Is it so wrong that I want you close? Is it, Y/N?”
You extended your hand and slowly brushed through his wet hair. He closed his eyes, leaning in your touch. You were weak, maybe weaker than him actually. Of course, there was a part of you that wanted to push him away from you but it was small. Definitely too small, taking into consideration what you were going to do.
“B/N, get up.”
“I don't want to leave. Don't make me, please,” he begged. He grabbed your hand in his and squeezed it harder than necessary.
“I want you to move out of the way, so we can go into my apartment.”
In no time he was on his feet, standing so close to you that you could feel how his chest was raising and falling with each breath. “You really mean it?”
“Yeah, I do. I can't look at you in this state,” you said, opening the door for both of you. You got inside and headed straight to the bathroom to get two towels. When you came back, B/N was standing in your living room, looking strangely at every empty shelve. You threw one of the towels at him. “Here, dry yourself a bit. I'm gonna look for something for you to wear. Even though it's going to be hard.”
You didn't even notice that he followed you to your bedroom. Only when you turned around with pair of too big sweatpants in hands, you saw him. He was standing at the entrance with hope in his eyes, making your insides burnt.
“Why can't you look at me,” he asked.
“What?”
“You said you can't look at me in this state, why?”
You handed him the pants. “Change into this, and we will talk, okay?” He nodded but didn't move. “B/N, really. You will get sick if you stay in those wet clothes. I promise you, we will talk.”
He smiled. “You don't have any shirt for me, do you?”
“Not really, I will give a blanket or some shit, sorry.” You quickly grabbed something for you to change into and headed to the bathroom, leaving B/N in your room.
You weren't sure what you were doing, your only plan was to invite him to your house and let him warm up a bit. The rest was up to the fate, whatever was about to happen... you were ready to take it. You were scared, yes, but there was no return now.
“Are you okay with black tea,” you yelled, taking two cups from the shelf.
“Yeah,” he answered, and you almost dropped the cups, startled by the proximity of B/N's voice. You turned your head and saw him standing by the table with only sweatpants on. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw his beautiful body again. He was still as perfect as you remembered him. Your cheeks started to burn, so you moved back to your previous position, trying to hide it.
“There's... um- there's a blanket on the sofa. And... well, you can stay there, I will join you in a few minutes.” There was something about that situation that made you weirdly embarrassed. You saw B/N naked already, not only without a shirt, he was at your house before, and yet you were feeling more nervous than ever. Was it because now you were aware of the feelings between the two of you?
With cups in trembling hands you came to the livingroom and sat next to B/N on the sofa. He was wrapped tightly in the blanket, and as soon as you put the cups down, he grabbed one and took small sip of the tea. “Thanks.”
It was awkward. The silence that surrounded you, was suffocating you, but you didn't know what to say. You weren't sure were to start that conversation, but on the other hand, you couldn't sit like this any longer. You were more than uncomfortable.
“So,” B/N started finally. “Can you answer my previous question?”
You glanced at him, gnawing on your bottom lip. “I... well, you looked terribly, and you had wet clothes on. You know, I didn't want you to get sick.”
“That's all?”
“And what else did you expect?”
B/N put his cup down and turned in his place so that he was facing you. His knee was touching your thigh, spreading heat all over your skin. “Can we be... honest with each other, Y/N?”
You tightened your fingers around the mug. Honest? I wish I could be honest. “But that's what I felt like. I was just worried you would get sick.”
“So you were worried about me,” he said, smiling softly.
“That's what you wanted to hear?”
“Yeah.”
It was so weird to see him so relaxed and happy. He acted as if he was completely different person now. It was a nice change, you couldn't deny it, but it would probably be better for both of you, if he was still the same cold man from before.
“Do you...,” he mumbled, looking at your hands, “do you really believe in what you said to me at my office? You know, do you think that what I feel is just my imagination?”
You sighed. “I don't know. I- I'm too confused with all of this. For a long time you acted as if you hated me, and suddenly... suddenly, you started to be nicer and stuff. I didn't expect you to be like this, I didn't expect any change. I heard that you have no feelings... no heart even, that you don't care about people, so your behavior now messes with my head.”
“It's not like you're the only one who's confused. I don't really understand my emotions. I've never felt like this. You know, worrying about someone, wanting to be close to them... it's new to me and I'm not sure what does it mean.”
You glanced at him, he was averting your gaze, too focused on his own hands. He did look extremely disoriented and bothered by this whole situation. He was acting like a small child, learning about new emotions, and trying to understand them. You wanted to tell him what it meant but... there was still part of you that was too terrified of what would come after this. It was better that he didn't realize he was in love with you. Maybe he would never figure this out and when you finally leave, he would forget about you.
But you didn't have the strength to end it yet. For now, even if it was just for few more days, you wanted him around... you wanted to feel loved for the first time in your life.
You placed your hand on his neck and leant towards him. His eyes scanned your face in confusion. “I'm not sure about any of this, B/N, but I can't push you away anymore. You were so depressed for the past few days that I couldn't even look at you. I don't want that.”
He locked his eyes with yours for a second, and then he kissed you.
You wrapped your arms around B/N's neck automatically. You missed him, you missed the touch and warmth of his body on you. It was something you definitely craved more than anything else. His hands squeezed your hips lightly, and he pulled you closer, sitting you on his lap. Your bodies were pressed together, and the only thing separating you from his skin was your thin t-shirt. You wanted to get rid of it, to finally feel him properly.
You moved back a bit, breathing heavily. Your hands were shaking when you grabbed your shirt and took it off. Just as quickly you removed your bra and clung to B/N, throwing your hands around his neck again. Feeling of his hot skin on yours was probably one of the best feelings you've ever experienced. It made your whole body tingle in a really wonderful way, and you were sure you would miss it later on.
B/N's hand slid over your back in a gentle way, and his fingers got tangled in your hair. He pulled you closer and kissed your forehead. “You're so damn beautiful.” Your eyes widened at his words and you tried to hide your face in the crook of his neck, too embarrassed and scared, but he kept you in place. “Nuh-uh, I want to see your face, kitten. I really missed this view.”
“You saw me every day,” you mumbled.
“Yeah, but not like this,” he said with a smile and kissed you. His lips weren't as persistent as usually. Hell, he was so gentle that it shocked you to the core. His touch was light as a feather, almost as if he was scared he could have hurt you.
His hands traveled down your waist, landing on your hips. He massaged the skin just above where your sweatpants ended, making you shiver in his arms. His mouth left yours, and he put them on your neck, leaving delicate kisses all over it. He wasn't rushing anything. It seemed like he wanted to savor every second of it, to extend it as much as possible.
It felt amazing, yes, but you were too impatient. You missed him more than you've expected. You rolled your hips against him, gaining a low moan from him. His head dropped down on your shoulder and his breath got uneven. He tried to stop you but he didn't have enough strength to do it. He only squeezed your hips tighter and enjoyed your movements. When the hardness of his dick got more prominent, you couldn't take it any longer. You stood up, confusing B/N.
“What...” he started but shut up when you took your pants off. His eyes darkened and he licked his lips. You came back at your previous spot and rolled your hips again. This time moan left your lips.
You wanted him, you wanted him more than ever. Your hand reached into his pants and wrapped around his length, giving it a few slow strokes and collecting precum from its tip. B/N's head flew back in ecstasy. His moans were the only thing you could hear, and you loved it. You loved every little sound that was leaving his lips. You pulled his dick out of the pants and then slowly licked your fingers, looking directly into B/N's eyes. He hardly swallowed at the sight.
You put your lips on his ear, moving your whole body closer to his. His length brushed over your core and you shuddered. “B/N,” you whispered, dragging your tongue on his earlobe, “can you fuck me already?”
He looked at you. His eyes were filled with hunger and something else, something you couldn't really name. He wrapped his arm around your waist and lifted you a bit. “I'm not gonna fuck you this time, kitten.”
“You...” you began, but he lowered you on his dick, shutting you up. Your head hit his chest and your fingers tighten around his bicep. Your mind went blank automatically, the only thing you could have focus on was the feeling of him inside you. That heavenly feeling of his closeness you missed so much.
But there was something different now. It all felt differently. B/N's thrusts were slow and careful, his hand stroked your hair softly, and his lips were pressed to the side of your head. There was no sign of his previous roughness. This time he was handling your body with affection, care and... love. No one ever touched you like this, no one ever was as gentle as him. It felt new, breathtakingly even, filling your heart with emotions so strong that it almost hurt.
You raised your head and locked your eyes with his. He was looking at you as if you were the prettiest woman on the planet, as if you were the only one he ever wanted. Unable to handle all of this, you kissed him.
B/N pushed the hair out of your face, and traced his fingers on your temple. You looked so peacefully like this, your lips were parted lightly and eyelashes cast a delicate shadow on your cheeks. It was the first time he saw you deep in sleep this close, and he loved it. He didn't mind seeing you like this often. Hell, he wished he could do it every day.
He lowered himself and kissed your forehead carefully. “Stay with me, Y/N.”
#nct scenarios#bts scenarios#exo scenarios#seventeen scenarios#monsta x scenarios#angst#smut#romance#nct smut#nct angst#bts smut#bts angst#exo smut#exo angst#bias x reader#optional bias#nct fluff
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Kingdom of Ash Tour Sydney
Oh my gosh, I’m sorry this took so long. My notes were much more extensive than I thought and then just a lot of poor time management. Anyway, here it is.
A few choice bits of information/quotes:
“Being a dork pays off you guys. Who knew?”
Says Melbourne like a local
Loves our coffee. Says she’s moving here because of it.
Advice to aspiring writers: find someone to share your work with. Giving and getting feedback teaches you so much. Gives you a form of community.
Got into writing because it’s what she loves and it makes her come alive like nothing else does.
Music plays a Huge part in her creative process
Daily writing schedule. Plays with Taran then about 930/10 she starts. Gets admin stuff done first 9-8 job.
Nothing compares to sitting down and writing a scene she’s wanted to write for years and years. Describes it as time stopping and the closest thing to magic, at least for her.
Had a question about her creative circle for bouncing ideas around and talking about her stories. Sarah didn’t talk to her family about her stories at all when she was younger. Doesn’t like her parents reading her books. She referred back to writing ACOTAR and she asked the audience “do you know what it’s like to write an on the page sex scene knowing my father was going to read this?” Said it took her about three glasses of wine to deal with it.
About her dad reading said scenes: He said “I just skip those scenes.” Sarah’s reply “I’ll do you one better. I’ll just rip those pages out.” Then she talked how it was much worse when ACOMAF came out the next year.
Josh has become her creative sounding board over the last few years. He reads the early drafts of Crescent City and lets Sarah ramble to him for hours. She thinks it’s really cute they get to do that.
He thinks he’s every love interest in all her books. At events people ask if he’s what Rhys was modelled from. Josh will say yes. Sarah was very adamantly said it was a no.
Fellow writers help her from looking like a complete idiot. In particular Lynette Noni. Calls her a secret Disney Princess. Has become her can’t live without critique partner.
She said don’t listen to the people who say writing is a dumb dream. But said it’s a long long road to getting published but not impossible. “Don’t ever listen to the haters man.”
Her parents were always incredibly supportive. Her mum would leave snacks outside her door so she wouldn’t disturb her while she wrote
When her parents told her that she needed a job to support herself Sarah didn’t want to listen. But she said they were ultimately right because there are no guarantees in publishing. One of her favourite moments is when she became a New York Times best seller and she got to call and tell her parents. The first thing her mum said was she regretted telling Sarah to be realistic about the expectations of yourself. But Sarah was adamant they were right.
She thanked us and got quite emotional. Thanked us for supporting her books, she was walking around Sydney harbour and thought to herself how lucky I am to do this for a living.
Someone from the audience screamed “I love you” she said “I love you too, I love you all so much” (insert my hysterical tears). She couldn’t express how much she appreciates everything we all have done for her and her family, the fact we have allowed her to live out her dreams. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this being the loveliest group of people I’ve ever had the honour to meet”. SHE LOVES US.
Crescent city
Doesn’t think her parents can read a single page of crescent city. Joking, it’s every other page. Started as excess creative energy, a real passion project.
Describes it as taking the ToG/ACOTAR worlds and jumping ahead over 3000 years to where they have modern technologies and comforts. Magical creatures living together in complex hierarchies. Feels different because of the modern setting but has familiar aspects, e.g. snarky sassy heroines and brooding sexy muscled men. Says there are so many. So many.
Josh: “why are there so many attractive men in this book?” Sarah “because it’s a fantasy. FAN-TA-SY.”
No real defined plot yet.
Knew it was the story she wanted to tell because of an experience on a plane. Sarah was listening to a piece of music and saw a scene play out and she burst into tears. She didn’t know the characters or how they got there. The scene will be in the first book and is like THE MAJOR BIG SCENE. Kept thinking of that moment of creation and how much it overwhelmed her and that was the deciding factor that that was the next story she needed to tell.
World of Throne of Glass
World of Throne of Glass. Started off as an encyclopaedia. It will be a chronicle that exists in world and Sarah describes it like going into the library of Orynth and pulling it off the shelf. The premise of the book is that Aelin has hired this cranky old scholar to travel around all the kingdoms/continents and includes the travel logs, transcripts from interviews with the characters, insight into how they felt, letters between characters. The book itself is like the the Terrasen courts private copy so it has letters between characters. Glimpses into the future.
BUT THIS MEANS IT WILL COME OUT LATER
ALSO SAID THERE ARE POCKETS OF HISTORY SHE REALLY WANTS TO FILL IN AND THERE’S ALSO LOTS OF STORIES THAT MAYBE ONE DAY SHE MIGHT WANT TO TELL SHE JUST NEEDS TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT. SORRY I’M JUST REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
Throne of Glass/ACOTAR
The idea of Throne of Glass came to her when she was 15/16 years old. Gripped her like no other story had. Throne of glass has a special place in her heart because it’s what started her on this journey.
Sarah was changing Kingdom of Ash right up the very last minute.
Mystery questions from the lobby:
What would happen if all your villains met?
The thought of Maeve and Amarantha gave her chills to think about. Would they rip each other to shreds or form and unholy alliance? Undecided.
Did you cry during the writing of the final book? If so which moments?
Number one scene. The Thirteen.
Gave lots of details about when Manon first appeared, a piece of music from the Fright Night remake was playing and she saw the cottage scene play out. She saw Manon disembowel the farmers and how her teeth and claws came out and just thought “I love you”.
Loved witches since she was little because she realised witches were often women with power when women weren’t allowed to have power.
Sarah went to the mat for Manon. She hadn’t sold the rest of the books, only up to Heir of Fire. Writing about Manon gave Sarah her courage and came into her life when she needed her attitude. She said “Over my dead effing body” when editor said to cut Manon.
Sarah listened to a song from the original star wars and that was when she saw the sacrifice of the Thirteen. She needed to have Manon start where she did in Heir of Fire so when we all got to the scene in Kingdom of Ash is would really hit us strongly as it had hit Sarah for the first time. Sarah was sobbing at her desk when she saw them making their final run. She saw then Manon screaming and begging them to to stop because she realised she had a heart and loved them.
Sarah said she needed to lie down afterwards, she considered a happy ending for a moment, but then she thought about how the ladies never get to make the big heroic sacrifice and she really wanted the Thirteen to make the badass sacrifice and she wanted to make that moment when their exploding with light and not darkness absolutely destroyed Sarah.
Happier scene is the last goodbye between the main three, sobbing so hard. Really ugly crying not Frodo crying nicely at the end of The Return of the King, but bodily fluids spraying everywhere. So many tears.
Sarah would also get super amped up. Example: When Elide saves Lorcan she got so amped up she literally straddled her chair like she was riding a horse. (She re-enacted it on stage too). Then it was just more ladies were doing their badass thing like:
as Aelin flies down on the bird and explodes and destroys the wave and then Rowan is like that steam is going to boil every one like lobsters, got to get rid of that.
When Aelin makes her run and Lorcan sees her and he’s crying, you know if Lorcan’s crying some intense shit is going down
Then when Aelin is trying to get the mask off. That hit Sarah hit her so hard, didn’t expect it. Felt physically ill writing it. It was one of the few times Aelin was unhinged and in a panic. Seeing Aelin in a panic out Sarah in a panic.
Aelin has been like a person to Sarah and has carried Sarah through a lot of hard stuff. Sarah has said to herself “my name is Sarah J Maas and I will not be afraid”
Would say “What would Aelin do?” to give herself that swagger. Any time Aelin is in pain Sarah was in pain and would be like “My baby my baby! Let me help you”.
Such a joy to write. Aelin was telling her and showing Sarah where to go.
ABOUT THE ENDING OF KINGDOM OF ASH: Travelling in Costa Rico to a rainforest exists at cloud level. (Side note from Sarah: Vote for the environment! Do it for the golden toad). One of the most beautiful places she has ever been. Sitting in the backseat listening to music from John Carter of Mars. Sun broke through the clouds and lit up the mountains and Sarah heard the last line of Kingdom of Ash about the kingsflame blooming and she knew what the last line was and that’s what she wanted to get to. She starting crying (surprise surprise) didn’t want to tell her travelling companions so she lied and said she was crying because the view was so beautiful. Writing with Aelin at the helm guaranteed her nothing. Aelin did it though, she stuck to Sarah’s plans and Sarah got the ending she wanted.
Call out from the audience about Gavriel. Uproar from the audience. “Why did you do that!?” “Why would I do that? Because I’m a horrible person.” Any time a hot guy full of muscles dies it’s a sad day. Poor Aedion. “It would have been so hot! Not in a weird way! The two of them hanging out, the lion and the wolf and oh my heart... you mean I have no heart, that’s what you’re thinking.” Evil cackle.
Who of all your characters do you see sitting in a rocking chair and knitting and telling their grandchildren the wildest stories in their old age?
Throne of Glass. Dorian. Don’t know why.
ACOTAR world would 1000% be Cassian. Nessian book will come out after Crescent City. She started it just for fun, hadn’t planned to write last ACOWAR. Sarah was out to lunch with her editor and got a little drunk and pitched her other books, but then forgot. Agent called a few weeks later telling her the editor wants to buy these books.
She literally doesn’t have the time to get all the stories she wants out of her. Wishes she had Hermione’s time turner.
So that’s it. Again, sorry it took me so long. Sarah was so lovely and I still can’t believe I got to see her in person. There’s a lot I took away from her talk for myself, mainly just how adamant she was about being yourself is the way to go. We’re better off when we’re true to ourselves and love the tings we love without feeling bad for it.
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10 Tips on Writing Asexuality
It’s been a long, long twelve years since I first realized I was asexual.
I’m one of the fortunate ones that realized my lesser-known orientation without having to go through years of confusion, uncertainty, and experimentation (because while some might enjoy that, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn’t have). I was fourteen when I first came across the term and thought it might apply to me, and shortly before I turned fifteen, I officially claimed it as my own.
A lot has changed since then. When I first came out, there was almost nothing out there for asexuals. There was the AVEN website, a few blog posts, and even fewer YouTube videos, but the word basically didn’t exist in common knowledge, even among people who identified as LGBTQ+. Any fiction that included ace characters was almost exclusively unconfirmed, and left up to fans to compile lists of evidence that a certain character was probably asexual—which was usually ignored by the majority of fans, who wanted to see the character in sexual situations, and often later brushed aside by the creators.
Now, asexuality is more and more recognized by the popular media and the general public. Visibility is still lacking, but we’re recognized by major LGBTQ+ organizations, represented (to a small extent) in Pride events, and increasingly represented as characters in TV shows, books, movies, etc. I’ve even found random strangers recognizing the asexual pride button on my purse—and I live in the Bible Belt.
And it’s a great feeling. Every time I see another ace character in popular media, I get a little burst of joy to see someone like me—at least in this one way, if not in others. I’m especially glad to see good representation, especially after years of representation that was questionable at best (Sherlock still comes to mind) and harmful at worst (does anyone remember that episode of House?). I’m also thrilled to see that non-asexual people are really interested in doing ace representation right and are reaching out to asexuals to get their take on what they want to see.
So I thought I would include my perspective on writing asexual characters, because frankly, everyone’s experience and viewpoint is a little difference, and I hope this conversation continues with as many diverse voices as possible.
I hope these tips are helpful and make you at least a little more confident about including ace characters in your own work!
1. Watch out for stereotypes, but don’t throw them out the window. This is almost certainly confusing, so let me explain: I often see people try so hard to avoid stereotypical traits in asexual characters that they forget that aces are incredibly diverse. Yes, not all asexuals are aromantic, but some are. Yes, not all asexuals hate close physical contact, but some do. Yes, not all asexuals are shy or socially awkward, but some are. Yes, not all asexuals have seventeen cats, but some do. Yes, not all asexuals are repulsed by sex, but some are. And the list goes on. You should absolutely be aware if a character trait you’ve chosen is stereotypical, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should avoid it, especially if you have more than one asexual character. Be aware of it, but focus on writing a well-rounded, realistic character over avoiding every stereotype in the book. No matter what trait it is, if you’re writing it well, chances are good there’s an asexual out there who will empathize with it.
2. Keep intersectionality in mind. Though, as I said, I’m absolutely thrilled to see more ace characters in media, I know there’s still a desperate need for more diverse examples of asexuality, especially those that take into account how people of different races, genders, abilities, national origins, religions, and ages—among other things—experience their asexuality. A man does not experience asexuality the same as a woman. A white person does not experience asexuality the same as people of other races—I can’t list them all here, but from what I’ve seen, every racial identity comes with stereotypes and prejudices that interact with asexuality differently. Someone’s religion might affect how they view their asexuality or how they’re viewed by their religious community, and someone’s asexuality might be brushed aside if they’re “too young,” “too old,” or have a disability. Personally, I am an able-bodied American white woman, so I can’t say a lot about this specifically, but please do your research on this aspect of their experience just like you would any other. It might not be what you’re expecting.
3. Don’t make asexuality their defining trait. Unless someone is an asexual activist (and these are valid characters!), and even if they are, they’ve probably got quite a few aspects of their life that have nothing to do with their orientation. An asexual doesn’t spend all day every day thinking about the fact that they don’t experience sexual attraction. It is, after all, the lack of an experience rather than the presence of one, and is therefore less likely to draw their attention at any given moment. Contrary to some people’s belief, asexuals don’t necessarily have “oodles of free time” since they don’t spend it thinking about sex—but they do have other things that interest them. They are full human beings, just as complex as anyone of any other orientation, and as a certain lesbian character from a TV show I’m fond of once said, “My sexuality is not the most interesting thing about me.”
4. Remember that there are many ways to “humanize” a character without giving them a love interest. This is one of those topics that isn’t exclusive to stories with asexual characters, but is still relevant to them. All too often, I’ve seen characters who seem cold, inhuman, or heartless made more “human” by falling in love, as if the ability to feel romantic and/or sexual attraction is what makes them “not a machine.” This idea goes back at least a century, to Arthur Conan Doyle stating that Sherlock Holmes was “as human as a Babbage’s calculating machine, and just as likely to fall in love.”
Let me make this very clear: a character is not inhuman because they don’t feel romantic or sexual love, and a character is not especially human simply because they do feel these things. Even if your character is not asexual, please don’t make the one thing that “humanizes” them be romantic/sexual attraction—and in the case of asexual characters, please don’t try to “humanize” them by giving them a romantic interest. Yes, asexuals can be romantic, aromantic, or anything in between, but romantic asexuals are no more human than aromantics. There are so many other ways to humanize someone: strong platonic attachment, caring for animals, passion for a social cause, love for the environment, and countless other possibilities. Obviously it’s completely okay for romantic or sexual attraction to be one of these things: but please don’t make it the only one.
5. Think about how they discovered their orientation. Even if your character has known they’re asexual for 50+ years, unless your story takes place in some great fictional society where non-straight orientations are openly welcomed and accepted as normal, how they figured out their asexuality is probably going to affect them—as well as when they figured it out. I discovered my own asexuality in my early teens, but I’ve seen people who didn’t discover the term until they were senior citizens, having felt alone and out of place their entire lives with no idea why. If they discovered it recently, especially after a long time of not understanding themself, they might still be figuring out exactly how they define their own identity.
6. Consider asexuality in the context of your character’s environment. Small-scale and large-scale. Where your character grows up and what environment they live in during the story makes a huge difference on how their asexuality is expressed, and this is true whether you’re writing historical fiction (where views of and experiences in asexuality are obviously very different) or whether you’re deciding if your character’s family is supportive. There’s an enormous spectrum of variation in this, so I won’t even try to go into the details, but keep in mind that whether your character is out, what sort of prejudice they face, and how they feel about their own orientation will all be greatly affected by the world they live in and the people they know.
7. Asexuality is not an illness—but that doesn’t mean life experiences can’t affect it. Remember the House episode I mentioned? For those that never saw it, the patient-of-the-day was an apparently ace woman, married to an apparently ace man, who goes to see Dr. House. House is convinced that no human could possibly be asexual, despite another character, Wilson, mentioning research validating the orientation. In the end, House discovers that the man has a brain tumor suppressing his sex drive and the woman has been faking her orientation to stay with her husband.
This is … extremely problematic for what I hope are obvious reasons. This led to a lot of families and friends of asexuals, who had previously been supportive, suddenly worrying that their loved ones had brain tumors. Obviously, if there is a genuine reason to suspect a medical issue (such as a sudden disappearance of sexual interest when it existed before), one should consult a doctor, but this episode presented only two cases of asexuality, one of which was “just an illness” and another of which was a lie. This led viewers to the same conclusion that House himself reached: that no healthy human being could possibly be asexual.
This is a very bad example of asexual representation, but it’s also worth mentioning that there are asexuals who view their asexuality as being affected by their life experiences, a specific diagnosis, or even a chronic illness, and as long as you do research beforehand into what sorts of experiences can contribute to someone’s identity, and don’t try to “cure” that character’s asexuality as part of your story, this is okay. Ideally, include more than one ace character as a way to make it clear to your readers that experiences differ, and that all roads to finding one’s identity are valid. Sexual orientation is unlikely to change and can never be “cured”—since it’s not an illness in itself—but that doesn’t mean the environment can’t affect it.
8. Exploration and questioning is okay. I also want to emphasize that it is completely okay to have a character that is questioning their sexuality, and either later decides that they are ace or decides that they are not ace. As long as asexuality is treated as a genuine orientation and not just a “symptom”—and again, ideally, more than one ace character is included at least briefly—a character realizing that asexuality isn’t the right identity for them, or only realizing such after exploring other identities, is fine. As mentioned above, the House episode did this very wrong, but as long as you are not “disproving” the asexuality of the only two ace characters in the show—especially when it’s disproved by a guy who believes asexuality is impossible/inhuman—and you are sensitive and respectful, I think this can be done without causing offense.
9. Remember that ace views of attraction can be different than non-ace views. Much of society (at least Western society) seems to lump all attraction into one form: sexual and romantic combined. As asexuality gained more visibility, the idea of romantic and sexual attraction existing independently became more popular. On top of this, other types of attraction got more recognition: for instance, strong platonic attraction (like a non-romantic crush), sensual attraction (the desire for non-sexual physical contact), and aesthetic attraction (the attraction to the physical appearance of a person or object, but no desire for interaction). Note that this isn’t an asexual-exclusive experience, and a story definitely doesn’t need ace characters to explore these topics: many non-aces do experience these varied types of attraction, but haven’t had as much context to recognize or explore them. Asexuality, in recognizing that there are human beings with no sexual attraction, helped open the door to these ideas, but they have always existed. And even though this doesn’t necessarily relate to ace characters, I think it will go a long way to helping asexual experiences of attraction be better accepted.
10. Asexuality is a spectrum, and it’s more than okay to write all along it! I’ve been referring to the most general idea of “asexuality” in this post—probably because I fall completely in that category—but asexuality isn’t as simple as that, and the line between “ace” and “non-ace” isn’t so cut and dry. “Grey-asexuals” are a big part of the ace community, and their experience is both similar to and different from people who just identify as “asexual.” There are also demi-sexuals, who feel sexually attracted only once a strong emotional connection has been formed—and yes, these people deal with a lot of the same issues as asexuals, though of course, many parts of their experience are also unique. Keep this spectrum in mind as you’re writing your characters, even if you do end up writing someone who just identifies as “asexual.” It’s important to remember that the spectrum exists, if only because it’s a reminder that all of us, ace, non-ace, or anywhere in between, are part of the same immensely diverse gradient, instead of simply black and white.
Original post on my website.
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i'm 20 and i'm worried about how overly fussy i am with dating men. i do think it's a maturity thing and i'm still trying to outgrow the ridiculous expectations i have for a boyfriend but i always seem to get bored of the guys i've talked to/dated. idk why but guys that show vulnerability make me uncomfortable?? i think it's the ideas i hold about 'masculinity' and i don't want to think like that anymore. any tips to move past this way of thinking?
Hey, friend. What an interesting ask, thank you for writing in. I‘m going to treat you with a rambling post, but I’ll try to break it up so that it’s less boring.
Don’t be hard on yourself; you’re still learning what you want and need.
You’re still really young, and what you want in a partner can change a lot as you yourself grow as a person. What might help is if you reflect on what you actually want.
Firstly, what are you actually seeing a person for? There’s an assumption that everyone wants a longterm relationship which leads to marriage, kids, a mortgage and a dog. But not everyone wants that or is ready to even think about that. So you do you. Do you want just to date to have fun? Or a casual relationship? What about FWB? Just sex? A longterm relationship? Kids and a house? Or just to muddle along and see what happens? Because I think a lot of ourselves don’t really think enough about just what we expect out of seeing people. It’s OK if this changes; lots of people start off wanting to be casual, but get serious, or think they want something serious but realise that they don’t. The key is to be open to reflecting on what, right now, will make you happy. And if you even want to be dating at all. It’s OK if the answer is ‘no’, or if you don’t want what everyone else wants for you.
The best way to find someone you really want is to not be afraid of being alone.
I wonder if you might get bored partly because you’re not sure what you want out of dating; a lot of young people don’t necessarily want a long term relationship or to plan too far ahead, and that’s OK, too. Young people are under a lot of pressure to date, have sex and eventually get married and have kids, but a lot of people just don’t feel ready for that, or might not want that at all. Women, in particular are bombarded messages about how miserable it is to be single, and how we need a man and kids to make us complete. A lot of that pressure can come from other women as well as parents and friends. But not all women feel ready for that, or want that, and pressuring ourselves to rush into relationships can lead to unhappiness because people feel they need to have ‘someone’ for the sake of not being single. I’ve seen people put up with relationships that looked pretty unsatisfying from the start, and I always wondered how much of that was the fear of being alone, of being unloved and of being seen to be single.
Perhaps take time out of dating to reflect on who you are right now, and what you want out of life. Not just out of dating, but also out of life in general. Look after the whole of your life, and work towards the things that will give you happiness. Make sure you have a life outside of dating; there are no guarantees any relationship will work out, and anyhow, life is more than just romance.
If talking to a guy isn’t interesting or exciting, don’t keep dating him; you have to really want to keep seeing someone for it to work. It sounds like you know that, which is why you’re trying to change your way of thinking, and I really respect the thought you’ve put into what’s not been working for you. That’s actually pretty mature, so don’t be harsh on yourself.
Men are people, too.
It’s hard to tell if your dates start out really promising and you then get bored, or if perhaps it was hard to be enthusiastic to begin with? Though if you find your enthusiasm for them wearing off, it sounds like it might very much relate to your expectations for masculinity. When you get to know a man, and he starts to be more open and vulnerable with you, that goes against what we’re taught about masculinity. We’re told that guys are meant to be tough, silent logical and unemotional. But you and I know that men are people with feelings just like anyone else. People who are moved deeply, who have complex feelings and their own fears and hopes and issues. Society may view women as weak for having emotions, but it at least allows us to express them (even if it does mock us for them anyway); men are under pressure to hold back and keep everything they feel to themselves lest they are seen as weak, and well, feminine. This isn’t very healthy for guys, and I think you’re right to point out that we as women can also enforce unfair standards if we insult men for showing vulnerability. In turn, men will tend to find it harder to open up to friends and family, and are more likely to perhaps rely on only their partner, if they rely on anyone at all, because there are few contexts in which men are allowed to express their feelings.
Get him off that pedestal.
Try to reframe how you see the concept of a date or boyfriend. I know that when you first start seeing someone they are shiny and new and seem to be amazing, but also really mysterious. When you start seeing someone, it’s hard not to get ahead of oneself because there’s actually very little we know about them. But putting them on a pedestal will ultimately make it difficult to have an equal relationship with them as a real person.
A guy is just a guy; no different from your male friend or brother or father or male colleague, they will just occupy a different place in your life. We get bombarded with a lot of ideals about what a romantic partner should be like, but really, in the end they are just another person; merely a really good friend you fancy the pants off, rather than a creature we should keep to a higher standard than all other humans. It wouldn’t surprise you that your friends have feelings and are sometimes vulnerable. Think about what it is about vulnerability that makes you feel uncomfortable, but also about what that discomfort is. Is it that you feel it makes them weak? Perhaps it’s a bit scary to see someone you admire with weaknesses or being sad? Perhaps it makes you uncomfortable because you yourself don’t like opening up- there could be many reasons.
What do we even want in a partner, anyway?
Then you need to think about what you want in a partner, and whether your expectations are what you really want, or are right for you. There are things that are non-negotiable, ideally, this list should be as short and sensible as possible, because it rules out a lot of people. The more things that are non-negotiable, the harder it might be to find someone to meet your criteria. My thoughts on this are basically: I want to find a decent person who I really gel with and who I can build a life with. If I focus on things like how tall or chubby (etc) they are, it’ll rule out lots of perfectly nice people who might be just right, on really arbitrary grounds. That said, we ALL have non-negotiable criteria, even if they are something like ‘is respectful’ and ‘100% understands consent’. I’m just a believer in making sure those criteria truly matter. And there are things that are nice but not essential. For example, liking the same band, or having the same hobby; you would probably want someone you were seeing to have stuff in common with you in general, but not all your interests would have to line up. You don’t mention what your expectations are, but you can try to remind yourself that most qualities are seasoning; added extras. It might be nice if you like the same band, or the same game, but it’s by no means essential.
Types are for blood, not people.
I’ve always been a bit wary of the idea of a ‘type’; it feels like limiting yourself to a narrow set of attributes that might be charming, but honestly? lots of people who are different than that can also be perfectly nice and might also be good for you. I’m not a massive crush person, I don’t fall for many people at all, which makes dating even more like looking for a needle in a haystack. But the people I’ve liked have been pretty varied; they aren’t linked by ethnicity or weight or height or particular interests and I guess what I liked about them all was a little different. I just don’t see how some people can say ‘I only like blondes’ or ‘only muscly guys turn me on’, like there are so many cute things about people out there in the world, are you really going to tell me that if someone doesn’t have blue eyes or big boobs, ripped abs, lots of cash or a flash car etc that you wouldn’t find them attractive!? Because half of liking someone is finding little dorky things about them that might not even be remotely conventionally attractive and realising that it makes them kind of cute.
Regardless, the real problem with types is that they can sometimes be a way of reliving familiar but ultimately unhelpful ground. Some of my friends really do have ‘types’, and it makes me worry for them, because they keep coming across similar problems in their relationships again and again and I can’t help but feel that it might be because they are picking people with similar kinds of issues, and come up against the same wall as last time. I think examining what we’re attracted to, and what that says about ourselves, and how compatible that combination is with our actual happiness is pretty important, and that’s only something we can et through practice and learning from previous relationships alon the way. There’s no shame in things not working out in the past; it helps us do better next time around.
This isn’t to say that it’s wrong to be attracted to something, but some things can be unhealthy, and attraction to something doesn’t necessarily mean there’s compatibility, either. We can be attracted to people with qualities that bring out the best in us, or bring out the worst; our attraction to something doesn’t guarantee that it works for us. What each person needs to do is work out the things that attract them which are good for them, or work on their self until what attracts them is good for them because they are in a much healthier state mentally and in their life.
We all have issues; we all have different ways of thinking, and ways in which our past affects who we are. We all have hurts, and different ways in which we react to situations. Accepting that we’re human, and that interpersional relationships can be hard (and therefore require thought and work) means that we can work on understanding ourselves and the people who are in our lives. Utimately, in the long term, we all need people who can bring out the best in us, but who don’t bring out our worst qualities or insecurities.
Good luck, and I hope you find what you’re looking for :D
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Hi! Multiples of 4 for Edmund on the headcanon ask??? Thank you so much!❤️
Thank you!!! I know I never shut up about my boy, thank you for continuing to enable me. This is gonna be really, really long I can’t wait…
I’ll tag @princess-of-france too :)
4. What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?
I don’t really feel like Edmund cooks. He’s practical but he’s also rich and has better things to do, so I imagine his diet is like 50% black coffee and energy bars he keeps stashed around the house and 50% super expensive meals he manages to make other people pay for. So in that case he’d probably just eat one of the aforementioned energy bars (or ask some even-richer woman out to dinner for the night, cause he’s like that).
8. Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging
Oh man. Sex. SO much sex. To the point where it’s a legitimate problem, even though he doesn’t see it as one. The thing is, I don’t think he’s super pro-indulgence as a rule – in fact, he probably looks down on people who don’t have good self-control, especially when it comes to things that are proven to be bad, like over-eating or smoking or things like that. But sex doesn’t fall into that category for him, all the reasons he’s been told to avoid it he sees as moralist bullshit, and it’s fun and it’s not hurting anyone so fuck you, why shouldn’t he do it? The issue is deep down sex is also a huge coping mechanism for him, and the only way he knows how to deal with his intense obsession with affection without just 100% repressing it all the time or, worse, being emotionally vulnerable. But I don’t think he realizes how much it’s become a psychological need for him, and how hard it would be to stop. It’s not that he couldn’t stop, he’d say. It’s just that stopping is exactly what all those moralist assholes he hates would want him to do, so why should he?
12. Favorite book genre?
Edgy social commentary probs. I don’t picture Edmund really being the type to read much fiction, but at the same time, I think certain books mean a lot to him. He’s spent his whole life concealing his controversial views on religion, fate, society, sex, basically everything from Gloucester (and to a lesser extent Edgar) in favor of putting on the guise of a perfect traditionally moral son so I think being able to deal with all those hidden ideas through reading about then would really help. He’s probably got a whole hidden stash somewhere in his room he knows his father will never find.
16. Biggest and smallest long term goal?
His biggest long term goal is just to rise to the top as much as he can. I don’t think he’s the kind of person who likes to set limits on his own ambition – he looks at opportunities one step at a time, but if the doors keep opening, who is he to stop? If he can be Gloucester’s heir? Great. If he can overthrow Gloucester entirely? Better. If he can become king? Best of all, but hell, even then he might not stop. Smallest? Ummm idk maybe get his space totally organized. I feel like he’s the kind of person whose organization never quite catches up with his work, and he always says he’s got better things to do than shuffle papers around, but it secretly kind of drives him crazy so he’d like to be totally neat someday.
20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?
I imagine Edmund has always been pretty robust and healthy (unlike Edgar, probably) and never really got sick that often, even as a kid. That said, on the rare occasion that he did, I think it was a really bad time for him. Cause like I’ve talked about a million times I think Edmund is very driven by his constant deep need for affection, but it’s the kind of thing he can usually repress on a day-to-day basis as long as all his inhibitions are intact. When they aren’t intact, 9 times out of 10 it’s because he’s drunk/high, which is almost always in some kind of party setting, which means he’s pretty much guaranteed to be able to find someone to at least make out with for a bit to make those feelings go away. But if he’s sick enough to be feverish, it’s pretty much the only time he’s both emotionally uninhibited and unable to use sex as a coping mechanism, and it doesn’t go well. Plus with Edgar being more fragile (and, in my headcanon, his mother dying from sickness at an early age too) Gloucester pretty much keeps all members of the family away from him for fear of anything spreading, so he’s pretty much all alone and left with all that unadulterated loneliness he’s not used to feeling half this much and it’s bad. It’s really bad. He tries not to think about it.
24. Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?
He’s honestly ahead of the curve in pretty much every subject. He’s a brilliant silver-tongued wordsmith, he’s a super logic and evidence-driven thinker which I think would make him great at math and science, he’s athletic too, and just generally sharp and good at picking up new things. The only thing I think he’d be bad at is any interpretation of art (and to a lesser extent literature) because I think he’d get too frustratingly literal about it – it’s just lines on a page, dammit, it doesn’t mean anything, people will try to find patterns out of anything but the real world is meaningless and there’s nothing really there. In terms of what interests him the most though, it’s politics, which is what drives him insane because that’s the one thing he’ll never be allowed to pursue.
28. Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?
Depends on the era of his life. I don’t think he has anyone he considers even a real friend, let alone a best friend, when we see him in the play. When he was younger he would have said Edgar, but that ship sailed a long time ago. Now, he doesn’t really do genuine friendship. There are people he likes, but no one he wouldn’t throw under the bus in a heartbeat if that’s what it took. Similarly, I think he tries not to see anyone as his worst enemy. It’s the world that’s his enemy, and society, and it’s a matter of a lot more than taking down one person to beat that. But really, I think it’s Gloucester he hates more than anyone. That part of the plan is more personal than he’d probably admit.
32. Thoughts on material possessions in general?
He’s not big on them…until they become something he can’t have. Like he’s certainly not the overly-sentimental type to hang onto things he doesn’t need, and I think he sees a lot of material wealth and status symbols as really inherently shallow. But the second those shallow wealth and status symbols are denied him, or used to mark him as lesser, then he’ll be damned if he’s not getting his hands on them if it’s the last thing he does.
36. What makes them feel guilty?
People actually loving and respecting him on their own, not because he manipulated them or did them favors or somehow cheated to get their approval. So much of how he justifies everything he does is the fact that, as a bastard, he thinks he’ll never have half a shot at the advantages everyone else gets, so if he wants anyone to approve of him or admire him or show him affection he has to manipulate the hell out of them (or the situation in general) to get it. He’s convinced himself it’s the only way, so when that’s proven wrong, it rocks his world. There’s a reason “Yet Edmund was belov’d” comes the line before finally changes his mind and tries to do something good.
40. Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?
Both? One? Or neither? Neither can be en- just kidding it’s BOTH and it’s a problem. He’s been looked down on his entire life for being a bastard and that cuts deep, it always has, no matter how hard he tries to shrug it off. He’ll never really get rid of the idea that he’s lesser, or at least everyone considers him lesser, so he has to claw his way to every bit of advantage and approval he can get. But he also really believes that birth means nothing, that merit and intelligence and survival of the fittest should determine who rises to the top, and in that respect…he maybe overcompensated. Because he also manages to be a raging narcissist who thinks he’s smarter than everyone around him (to be fair, he mostly is) and is entitled to anything he can win for himself.
44. Religion?
MY EDGY ATHEIST KING. I think he’s super anti-religion, and anti-spirituality even more so – just anything that involves people blaming their fates or their decisions on forces out of their control or pretending like anything is just “meant to be” makes him incredibly angry. That does fall under the category of things he won’t admit to preserve his image though, he’ll grit his teeth through whatever religious proceedings are required of him if it’s to his advantage.
48. How do they express love?
Ummm badly? He craves other people’s love constantly, but him actually being the one feeling Real Love isn’t something he’s really prepared to deal with, and it kind of makes him freak out. By the time he’s really headed down the road of executing his plans, I think the main way he expresses love is by trying to get the people he loves far, far away from him and this world and his path of destruction. On a more general note though like I said in that post I made a while ago I think his main love language is physical touch, so when he’s not in such a dark place that either results in lots of hugs or lots of sex depending on the person.
#at this point i'm not even gonna apologize for my inability to be succinct#if you follow me you know what you're getting into by now#you've brought me upon yourself#anyway GUESS WHO'S TALKING ABOUT HIM™ AGAIN#these were so fun#i still don't have a specific universe idea for all my lear headcanons so these are like half modern half play accurate half idek#but these are my thoughts on him in general#edmund#king lear#mine#asks
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Some notes on A/B/O, how I use it, and other thoughts on the genre.
This post is inspired by @pools-of-venetianblue‘s wonderful comment [link] on love like blood, and I quote heavily from it here; she had such well-thought-out commentary, I wanted to include it here. Anything quote-blocked is hers; my responses are formatted normally.
I wanted a chance to discuss how I use A/B/O, and how others use it, and some other aspects of my fics, and this seemed like a good way to share that. I’ve put a read-more cut in about halfway through, because this ended up becoming very long. I think we all know that I’m a bit prone to long, though!
Your writing is stunning - the prose is gorgeous, poetic, and flows so well. You build the tension between Robin and Cormoran perfectly (and how are they both so in-character in such a different universe??? genius). And the angst... god, you are so good at drawing out that emotional pain until it physically hurts - and it made the moment where these two idiots finally give in and talk about their feelings so cathartic and satisfying.
Honestly, I left this bit in because I love flattery :) Also, I wanted to say that I’m so happy the angst was successful in making the feelings reveal both emotional and satisfying! I often find that I can draw out the emotions for ages, then when it comes time to wrap things up, I don’t know quite how to make it happen. So I’m very happy it worked!
In anyone else's hands, this trope could be a giant disaster, reinforcing sexist ideas about the sex and gender stereotypes - but you have handled it really well, showing the characters themselves struggling with the demands of the trope. Robin fighting against her biology, refusing to give in to its demands by asserting her subjectivity and her right to pursue the life that she wants - and her need to know for sure that what she has with Corm is more than biology, that it is her, Robin that he loves, and vice-versa, is absolutely wonderful - and I am living for her acceptance that their hearts, minds, and bodies are all in sync. I really hope she gets to a place where she can integrate/accept being an omega while still not letting it dictate the way she chooses to live her life (and thank god that she's found Cormoran who genuinely loves her brilliance and would never want her to change). And while I feel like Robin's struggle really is the emotional core of the story, Cormoran's angst about feeling like he doesn't live up to what Robin 'deserves' in an alpha, and coming to accept that it's actually about what she wants, and she wants him (at least I think that's where you're going with it??), complements it really well.
Again, you flatter me! The fact that this all came through makes me feel very successful as a writer, because these are complex things to depict in ways that aren’t ham-handed. Also, this is what I love about writing A/B/O: the ways that you can exaggerate the internal feelings with an external mechanism, so that not only do the characters get to have all their canonical feelings and struggles, but there’s an additional layer of biological issues. Robin not only has to deal with being single, she has to deal with having heats; Cormoran’s not only attracted to Robin, but he can smell her, and her emotions, and her need for him, and still he feels the need to deny it. It’s a way to make things both easier and harder! And you may have noticed, I do love to torture my characters, and draw out the emotional pain while giving them physical satisfaction.
All the things @pools-of-venetianblue touches on here are things I wanted to convey in my writing, and I’m glad it worked. There are many, many ways to write A/B/O, as many ways as there are authors. Every author uses it in a different way; in my writing group, there’s one author who writes A/B/O because it gives them a path to male pregnancy (”mpreg”), by making male characters Omegas. Other writers enjoy writing dubious consent, which Heats can provide, while still leaving room for eventual HEA and explicit consent. A/B/O has room for so many tropes, including things many people find upsetting or gross, such as rape/non-consent, gang-rape, animalistic traits beyond knots, and unbalanced power play. But at the same time, it can be a way to write m/m pairings having happy biological families, mpreg, nesting, and tooth-rotting fluff. It’s up to each author the directions that the A/B/O goes.
Like any collection of tropes, A/B/O contains multitudes. The ways I choose to use it are my own, and other authors will use other aspects in other combinations. I choose not to use many of “darker” tropes, like extreme possessiveness or total loss of consent, and I don’t usually dwell in the more visceral aspects of the biology, like the desire to impregnate. (That’s what knots are meant to be for; they hold the semen inside the Omega’s body, in order to have a better chance of impregnation. Some authors use this mechanism heavily; sometimes Heats will guarantee pregnancy, some A/B/O worlds have multiple births as a matter of course, triplets and more. But those don’t appeal to me, so I don’t use them! Others do. It’s all a matter of preference.)
Going back to what @pools-of-venetianblue says at the top of the paragraph: “this trope could be a giant disaster, reinforcing sexist ideas about the sex and gender stereotypes...” I choose to use aspects of A/B/O that suit my preferences, but other people enjoy the sex and gender stereotypes. They’re writing them on purpose, not by accident, and they generally know they’re not good things! (They wouldn’t know to tag them if they didn’t know they were bad things that needed to be warned for, right?) But they want to explore the ideas, and that doesn’t make them bad people or bad writers. The important thing to know about A/B/O, or any fic really, is that it’s not always about being good feminists and smashing barriers, etc. I fully support those things! But fanfic isn’t always about that; sometimes it’s about satisfying the weird parts of your id that wants things you know are bad/wrong/gross, but fascinate you anyway.
There’s nothing wrong with that. It took me a long time to come to the realization that just because I sometimes enjoying writing things like dubious consent (that almost always becomes explicit consent) it doesn’t make me a bad person. In real life, dubious consent is bad! But this is fanfic, and I can explore the interesting-but-bad things in a safe context. I would never want to be in a dubcon situation in real life, but I can enjoy writing about it and exploring the character’s feelings and reactions in fic, where it’s not real.
But at the same time the A/B/O thing isn't just a trope to subvert, it's also vital to the power of the fic, in that it takes their connection and compatibility and makes it material and visceral, letting you really amp up the desperation and euphoria in a way that wouldn't feel realistic in the canon universe - but which totally makes sense here. Oh, and it also lets you write really, really good smut. How is it so good? They have sex for like three chapters straight, but it's not repetitive at all?? How am I totally on board with this knotting thing, even though in any other context I find the idea super gross?? You're a smut genius.
Can I say again that I am SO VERY GLAD my absolutely gratuitous smut isn’t repetitive? I worry about it so much, but I just enjoy writing it so much that I do it anyway. Thank you for assuaging my fears on that count!
I do enjoy building the A/B/O into the fabric of the world! It’s one of those tropes which can be used to create an entirely different society, or can be integrated to our modern-day world, and either can work. I really enjoy fitting it in to our world; how would it work? What would be different? What would be the same?
I use A/B/O to, as @pools-of-venetianblue says here, “take their connection and compatibility and makes it material and visceral.” Their connection is the same, just more. Harder to deny, harder to resist, and ultimately inevitable. (Dear JK Rowling, it had better be inevitable! Who could write these characters and not see their relationship as inevitable? I digress.)
My preferred tropes out of the collection that make up A/B/O are the ones that deeper and make physical the bonds that characters already have.
So, to sum up, I have loved every single moment of this fic (and Comma as well!), and each new chapter absolutely makes my day. I probably still wouldn't ever read an A/B/O fic by any other author - but I absolutely will read anything and everything that you write in this fandom, no matter what genre or trope - this is that good. Thank you for writing this, I can't wait to see what you do next.
Again, the flattery, please know I love it and it’s working.
P.S. How exactly does mating work? What are the effects? I'm really curious - I tried google but it wasn't particularly helpful. Do we get to find out in the next chapter? (PLEASE SAY YES)
Alright, mating. Again, something that different authors do differently. I’m not going to spoil either of my fics here, but I’m going to explain it, because sometimes people find it upsetting or gross and I don’t want to spring it on anyone.
Generally, mating involves the Alpha biting the Omega hard enough to draw blood. There’s usually a gland for this; some universes, the scent gland, others have a specific mating gland for this exact purpose. (I have a mating gland in mine, because I prefer the mechanics of the mating and scent glands to be separate.) So in order to Mate someone, the Alpha bites the mating or scent gland hard enough to break the skin, leaving a scar which signifies the Bond to anyone who can see it. (The scent glands being scarred as a way to denoted who is Mated can sometimes be like wedding rings, an obvious indicator that someone is off the market.)
In my universe, I haven’t discussed Beta biology much, but Betas are essentially us, no knots, no glands. They can’t sense as much of the information available through scent-glands, and wouldn’t be able to sense whether someone was in Heat/Rut without help. Betas cannot Mate anyone, because they don’t have the biological tools or imperative to.
Cormoran leaves Robin lots of love-marks partially because of the Mating instinct; he is in Rut, and with an Omega he wants to Mate, so he bites down and uses his mouth, because his instincts tell him to. He doesn’t go for Robin’s mating gland because I don’t take away all of their higher brainpowers in bed, but he wants to, and instincts are hard to deny. (I also tie in the possessiveness here; it’s not all-consuming, but he’s... territorial about his Robin. That’s canon, though!)
I hope the mechanics of mating doesn’t upset anyone, but there it is.
Thank you to @pools-of-venetianblue for the wonderful comment and flattery, and for permission to re-use your words here, and to anyone who’s enjoyed my work and is curious enough to have read this entire thing. It’s terrifyingly long, but realistically, what do I write these days that isn’t? I hope this has been useful and illuminating for anyone who isn’t familiar with A/B/O, and everyone should feel free to ask me other questions you might have.
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Devil’s own Luck pt5
Warning: Mobstyling warlords
Masterlist link
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Chapter Five – New Plan
Mitsuhide guided [Name] around some of the building on their journey to dinner. He was enjoying watching her reactions as he opened doors like on a game show, she was mostly awe struck. It was true the building was large; the top six floors were part of the private housing complex they used and he was more than aware after visiting her apartment that any one of the rooms within the building would have swallowed her modest one-bedroom apartment whole with room to spare.
It appeared that after a feature length style lecturing from Hideyoshi that the others had made themselves scarce and crawled back to their perspective holes to lick their wounds. Introductions would be easier if they were present. After wandering around doing his brief mini tour he stopped outside of one door and turned to her.
“We still have time before dinner my dear so how about we see what is on the menu hmm?” He gave her a pat on the shoulder as he turned the handle and pushed the door open. The air was buzzing with smells of spices and sounds of food cooking. It also was carrying the rather disturbing sound of someone singing rather badly out of tune. Ah, I knew it … he’s here.
She moved carefully into the room as he beckoned her lightly with his hand. Her large eyes looking at the bright space before resting on the counter top looking admiringly at some of the dishes that were finished waiting to go out. Aesthetically pleasing to be sure. Flavour … well he would have to let someone else guess that as he couldn’t.
– La la la, <SMASH, BANG, CLATTER> –
“Face to face, out in the heat… mmm mmm mmm mmm. For the kill with the skill to survive…” The loud intermittent tuneless warbling of Masamune got closer as he appeared from deeper within the space to put another finished dish up to the pass. Glancing towards the door he stopped his private karaoke session and gave his best 1000W smile at his visitors. Mostly towards the girl, Masamune was a bit of lad when it came to the opposite sex.
“Well now if I’d know exactly how much of a cutie our little Princess was, I might have busted into that room myself.” Masamune propped himself on the counter with one elbow as he leaned down below the heating elements of the food warmer to get a clearer look.
“If you had ‘busted’ into the room there would have been more broken about you than your ability to kill a decent song.” She snipped back just as fast as any of the other men would have. Equal parts lightly joking and threatening. Oh, this one can play …
“Pft… Ha, Ha. Oh, that’s great Lass. I see I won’t have to worry about you. I like that fighters spirit you got.” Masamune laughed heartily whilst pinning her with an admiring gaze.
“I’m not much of a fighter.” She had backed up ever so slightly and she was now standing close to Mitsuhide’s elbow. You aren’t seriously trying to hide behind me, are you? Mitsuhide was slightly shocked by her apparent trust in him. Poor little thing … you either have appallingly bad taste or no sense of danger.
“There are several innocent sake bottles that would argue differently Princess.” Mitsuhide jovial tone poking a little and he smirked as he watched her glare at him.
“Oh, yeah I heard about that. Hideyoshi was saying the hallways are dangerous enough without some lunatic smashing up bottles in it.” Masamune was back busying himself with some pans on the cooker again.
“I often wonder what must have happened to the guy to have such a grudge against hall ways. It’s like he think’s they are a secret assassin or something.” Masamune’s musings earned a sniggering laugh from Mitsuhide who noticed [Name]’s confusion.
“Ah, sorry my dear Hideyoshi is … well shall we say he is a bit over protective. Think mother hen and you wouldn’t be far wrong.” She smiled at his description and moved out from hiding clearly relaxing more. Timid curious little mouse. Hideyoshi will probably be even more over bearing when he sees you.
“So, um… are you the chef?” [Name] looked between the food and Masamune quizzically.
“Um? Oh well I can see how you’d think that Kitten as Mitsu here hasn’t exactly introduced us properly.” Masamune glanced back over his shoulder. “But no, I’m not I do the cooking because I like it and it’s been a great way of helping my business. Live-in testers you see.” Masamune was fiddling with some spices and something that was bubbling in a frying pan.
“Kitten!? How did I become a kitten all of a sudden?” [Name] had a look of indignation on her face. I wonder if she gets compared to animals a lot and it annoys her? But then if that’s the case why has she never chastised me for all the times I called her a little mouse?
“Because you’re cute, you don’t hold back on using your claws and it reminds me of my pet and how he plays too. Anyway, as I was saying I run the hospitality enterprise ‘Aoba’.” Masamune spoke clearly over what he was doing as he poured out the contents of the frying pan over a large fish and in a cacophony of fizzing and crackling the skin of the animal popped, curled and cooked under the intense heat of it.
[Name]’s eyes widened at his statement. Apparently, the Kitten remark was acceptable as that subject was dropped quickly.
“You mean you are that catering entrepreneur that was in the news for a while? You took over several companies really quickly and turned them around so fast people started calling you a dragon because it all went so fast like magic.” Her eyes were practically sparkling as she recalled information that she knew to the forefront of her mind.
“Ha, yeah that’s right Kitten.” Finished plating another dish he turned to lean over again fixing her in a flirtatious grin. “Masamune Date, the One-Eyed Dragon.” Mitsuhide chuckled at the sight as Masamune flipped a kitchen knife in his hand as an extra risky flourish.
“You seem rather well informed about our resident potato peeler.” Mitsuhide joked teasingly. Mitsuhide looked down on [Name] as he made a move to re-join the conversation. She was clearly interested in food and had a keen knowledge of at least the publicly accessible news on big business. I wonder what else she is interested in. Wait, did he seriously just think that?
“Hey Man I do a lot more than just peel potatoes! Masamune’s agitated retort pulled Mitsuhide mercifully out of his train of thought.
“Indeed, you do my apologies. Would you like me to taste test some of the dishes to make up for my faux par?” As innocently as possible Mitsuhide smiled back at the chef who still had the knife in his hand. You want to start a fight don’t do it in a room full of useable weapons and cleaning supplies. Although if you were sure you were going to win then there are far less well stocked rooms to do it in.
“What would be the point in that? You can’t taste anything anyway. I have no idea how you manage to eat what you do and keep it down you must have a cast iron stomach.” Masamune put the knife with the rest of the used items in the dish washer as he finished up his cleaning.
“You can’t taste anything?” [Name] inclined her head in his direction. That look of confusion really does suit you my dear…
“Mmm? Oh no I can’t.” Mitsuhide shrugged in response as if it was nothing and gave her a thin smile.
“Word to the wise there Kitten, if he offers you food, treat it as highly suspect until proven otherwise. He gave Ieyasu a rice ball that he made once had the guy choking.” Throwing her his tip over his shoulder as he pressed buttons to start the washer Masamune wrinkled his nose at the memory.
“Why, was the rice under cooked or something?” Curiously [Name] inquired the look of confusion deepening on her face.
“It was stuffed with a ghost chilli bean paste. Honestly, I know Mitsuhide can’t taste anything but you’d think he would be able to smell that.” Masa replied in disbelief at the memory.
“I apologized to Ieyasu, I thought it was quite good personally. And I know he loves hot spicy food.” Mitsuhide pointed this out after [Name] cast him a searching glance.
“Yeah Yasu does like spicy dishes, but there is a limit. I still can’t believe you can eat what you eat without being sick Mitsuhide.” Masamune gave a shudder as if recalling all the revolting dishes he had ever see Mitsuhide eat.
“It is your ability to turn basic ingredients into weapons of mass destruction somehow that is exactly the reason you are no longer allowed near the cooking. Well looks like that’s everything.” Masamune gave the space a once over with an approving eye.
Waving a hand over the hot plate as if displaying the dishes on a shopping channel. Masamune yanked off his apron and finally emerged from the heat of the kitchen walking cheerily towards them. Casually throwing an arm over [Name]’s shoulder as he did so.
“Shall we go to dinner then Kitten? I can guarantee you won’t be disappointed.” Masamune proudly declared with a cheeky smile, leaning close to her ear.
She shrugged off his arm putting some distance between them as she looked his square in the eye.
“The last man that guaranteed I wouldn’t be disappointed and touched me without my permission ended up with a black eye and as you only have one I don’t like your chances of being able to see tonight.” She stood there firmly with a straight back and fixed a glare at Masamune that would have put Ieyasu to shame.
Standing stunned the two men looked at the woman in front of them until finally Masamune burst out laughing and Mitsuhide joined him.
“I like you Kitten. Ok, how about I be your friend?” Masamune offered his hand in a friendly handshake.
“Ok I’ll accept that.” She nodded and shook his hand with a smile.
“We’ll discuss benefits later.” In a conspiratorial tone Masamune winked at her still gripping her hand.
“NO BENEFITS! There will be NO benefits!” She nearly shrieked as she yanked her hand back free of his grasp.
She swatted at Masamune’s head as he nimbly dodged her attack and they left the room. Mitsuhide followed on smiling at the entertainment in front of him.
Masamune’s flirty personality did little to mask his genuine interest in the princess. It was practically all over his face when he looked at her like she was a meal and he was a starving animal. Mitsuhide was happy to see her holding her own against him, at least it looked like he wouldn’t have to clean up a broken-hearted mess after she leaves.
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On the outskirts of the city…
It was a dark and wet night with a biting wind that cut right through to you bones. The sound of his shoes as he walked solemnly to the side door of the meeting place was the only other sound around him. He raised his arm and banged on the door, water dripping off his sleeve as the rain continued.
A short, fat man dressed in what appeared to be a well-worn security uniform answered.
“Yes?” The man’s face was etched with fatigue and he appeared sluggish as if he had just been woken up.
“I’m here to see Him.” It was a brief exchange but the sleepy security guard nodded to him and stepped aside to allow him to enter.
Guided in silence along the sides of large shipping containers that caused the lighting in the building to fall strangely on the floor. After a short while the wall of containers seemed to open before them and in the middle of a large pool of light sat the man he had come to see. Propped next to the man’s chair was a walking cane, it’s brass ornamentation glistened in the florescent lights.
“I see you are well Takahasi. What news do you have for me?” The light cast a shadow over the deep scar that ran from above his eye to his cheek, across the bridge of his nose making him appear even more intimidating than rumours suggested.
“Sir. I’ve come to report that we were unable to crack down once again on the Azuchi group.” Takahasi lowered his head after delivering his news.
“I see. Damn that Nobunaga and the devil’s luck he embodies.” Rising from his seat with the aid of his cane he came closer to Takahasi. Peering down at him with glossy black eyes.
“What will you have me do now Sir? They are aware of appearances and the rumours haven’t proven to be enough to trigger them to make mistakes that mean we can get involved in making arrests.” Takahasi looked attentively waiting for instructions.
“Takahasi you are no longer my subordinate I have long since lost my position in that regard. I am thankful however for your continued support and unwavering loyalty.” The man moved towards one of the container walls, the click of his cane on the ground as he moved echoed in the warehouse, and stared at a collection of photographs, newspaper cuttings, print outs and lots of coloured scribbles plastered on its side.
“I understand Sir but we haven’t forgotten you in the office. You were the best Boss we had and your men will still follow you and your orders. What happened wasn’t your fault… Kennyo. We will stand by you and see Nobunaga Oda fall.” Takahasi’s words were full of a resounding strength that Kennyo had admired for years. Ever since he had first joined his vice squad back when other men questioned if he had what it would take to actually survive the spartan style life of cracking down on hard crime. Kennyo had seen the determination in the young mans face and taken him personally under his wing.
“We need to adjust the plan. I may have to push a few buttons in a different direction to get my playing pieces to move how I want them. But I will have Nobunaga’s head for what he did.” Rumbling anger in his voice permeated out of his body and seemed to colour all around him in darkness as Kennyo looked at a section of clippings on the wall.
“Of course, Sir. Just say the word and we will follow.” Takahasi stood patiently watching Kennyo as he awaited orders.
“You willingly follow me into the fires of Hell?” Kennyo didn’t break his focus on the wall as he muttered his question.
“We will follow you to Hell and back Sir. For what has happened and what will… we will follow.” Takahasi affirmed resolutely nodding.
A grim smile spread across his face as Kennyo tapped a clipping on the wall. ‘Takeda Inc. crumbles’
“So be it…” Kennyo’s voice was low and colder than the bone chilling wind outside as he set his jaw and began to formulate his next move.
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drink up your movements (still i can’t get enough)
Niall Horan to Aahna Deakins: just a heads up
Aahna Deakins: ??
Niall Horan: i think caroline wants to have sex with you
Aahna Deakins: i mean i already knew that
Niall Horan: …
Niall Horan: what?
Aahna Deakins: seen
Niall Horan: ‘m gonna kill harry
Aahna Deakins walks onto the set that first day of filming and Niall just knows he’s fucked. Like, proper, up the arse, without lube, fucked.
And he doesn’t think that very often. Not since he was twenty and earning minimum wage as an english lit teaching assistant who auditioned for a small role in a tv show but ends up being cast as Remus Lupin.
Three and a half critically acclaimed seasons later, he’s one of the more successful actors in the British young adult genre, earns more than the average person’s annual income in a month, and oh, right, is on first name basis with JK Rowling. A feat he’s sure he’ll never top considering that he was an avid Potterhead growing up. (He still has his first copies of the books, creased, weathered, and now, signed by the author herself, sitting on his shelf along with every script that he’s ever received.)
Life is, more or less, good. But after weeks of whispers proclaiming everything from new characters being added to the cast to the producers planning a genderswap episode, things take a sudden nosedive.
Their red stamped ‘Confidential’ scripts made clear that some of the rumours were true; they were adding a character to the show but said character is only there for a backdoor pilot that spills over multiple crossover episodes within the latter season of Marauders: Mischief & Mayhem. If it were any other show, it would be easy to assume that the writers were getting lazy; a whole six episode arc to introduce characters and a plot that will depart for its own show? Seems ridiculous, but the idea is solid and the script is tight, so tight, that apparently Rowling herself greenlit the crossover slash spin off.
Now, by all intents and purposes, Niall and Aahna should have gotten along fine. She’s a model turned actress with a strong work ethic while he’s a seasoned veteran by now, having worked with a lot of people in his time being on Marauders. Being one of the four titular characters kind of guarantees that he’s a given amidst the revolving faces of extras and guest stars. But for some reason unknown to man, Aahna Deakins completely just… gets the better of him.
He recognises her from pictures and billboards when they have their first table read, tall and tan, all lean muscle and sharp edges, her face as mysterious as it is expressive.
When he looks her up, he finds her tweets sharp and witty, her instagram lined with humour, and her presence in the tabloids a staple. And for that alone, he realises that they would mix about as well as oil and water. The fact that they share about 50% of their screen time together doesn’t help. Every scene, every table read, every small discussion turns, at some point or another, into a ridiculous debate and often time (more than a little) raised voices.
He’s not sure how, or who, starts it, but they have full on shouting matches about inflection and intention and everything in between. And it’s not like he’s the oddity who doesn’t play well with his cast members, he gets along with the cast members like a house on fire. She gets along great with everyone too, moving into Harry’s guest room because they go way back and she’s not about to make any property commitments in London until she knows for sure that her show is getting a full season order.
And that’s where things go from bad to worse for him because it means that they live in the same apartment complex and he’s practically a permanent fixture over at Harry’s.
Harry Styles to marauders doing marauder-y things (plus liam): nialler why’d u call 12 times
Niall Horan: slight emergency, am out of beer
Harry Styles: just come over u never had a problem with that b4
Niall Horan: deakins there?
Harry Styles: look do u have any idea how big a deal this is for her
Harry Styles: she did two pilots that got axed before they aired in the states
Harry Styles: and that one movie that basically made a loss in the box office
Liam Payne: didn’t she win a bafta for that?
Louis Tomlinson: nah
Louis Tomlinson: she won the baftas by going on the red carpet with her girlfriend
Harry Styles: *ex gf
Harry Styles: they broke up at the after party
Harry Styles: it was a mess™
Zayn Malik: i still got pictures from that night… that i don’t… understnd what’s going on
Harry Styles: lol yeah u were pretty fucked mate
Louis Tomlinson: i maintain i had nothing to do with that
Liam Payne: wow that girl’s not having a good year is she?
Harry Styles: yeah so maybe u guys should like go easy on her
Zayn Malik: i’m out with her and caroline rn wot u talking about
Louis Tomlinson: i don’t have a prob with her
Liam Payne: i literally have like two scenes with her
Niall Horan: seen
Harry Styles: did you just type ‘seen’
Harry Styles: that’s not how you seen someone, u just seen them
Harry Styles: !!!
Louis Tomlinson renamed the group niall old man horan™ cant work tech
Niall tries to be nicer to her, he really does, but Aahna Deakins doesn’t quite make it easy for him.
She’s… a bit of an enigma.
On one hand, she’s just the type of person he wouldn’t mind as a friend; a sense of humour, the ability to draw the line between on and off screen relations, and an oddly in depth knowledge on history and mythology. (They had a twenty minute row on set about lycanthrophy which had to be escalated to some staff writers before they reached a resolution that she was indeed correct, despite the fact that he’d been the one playing a werewolf for most of his on-screen career. Where is the justice?)
But on the other hand, their similar interests; a passion for food, books, and golf doesn’t stop them from arguing all the time. And it doesn’t quite matter where they are either; on scene, in the studio, at the apartment, even while grabbing lunch with the cast. There’s apparently always something to disagree over.
Suffice to say, it drives everyone a little bit crazy. Especially Harry, who is caught in between more often than not.
“Oi, five-year-olds! We were trying to get some work done here?” Harry hollers, rolling his eyes.
Aahna’s in midst of running lines with some of the boys at Harry’s when Niall decides to pop by for a beer and they (naturally) find something or another to bicker about.
“Oh, I’m a five-year-old?” Aahna asks, incredulous, “I’m not the one who needed seven takes to get one line right,” she shoots a glare at him as he plops down on the couch, a beer in hand, intentionally close to her despite the copious amounts of space available literally anywhere in the living room.
It’s evident at that point, that no work is going to commence in the space anytime soon.
“I wouldn’t have needed seven takes if you didn’t keep breathing down my neck about my bleedin’ accent,” Niall jabs her in the ribs with his free elbow, “Christ, you give a model one acting gig and she thinks she’s Helen fucking Mirren.”
Niall’s not quite sure why, but the need to rile her up as much as she does him is overwhelming. It isn’t even hypothetical, when it comes to Aahna, he’s condescending and he’s obstinate to a point of being obnoxious, and he can’t seem to help himself. He’s tried to isolate where the antagonism is coming from, because it really is out of the ordinary; her presence, on set and in recent times, in his life, somehow nettles him more than it should.
But he isn’t sure what it is about her. Isn’t sure why he’s reacting the way he is.
Aahna just… gets under his skin.
“Don’t you have your own apartment to muck around and drink and do nothing in?” Aahna huffs at him, voice condescending as he plucks the script out of her hands.
“Well if I did that, who would you have to distract from learning your lines?” Niall shoots back, voice dripping with something not quite pure annoyance.
“Alright you two need to cut it out!” Harry is pretty much frantic at this point. “And Lou, stop taking shots. It’s barely sundown! What is wrong with you?”
Louis simply shrugs and tilts his head back, tequila shot glass in hand and refusing to look even a little bit guilty for not helping the situation even at all.
“Many things, primarily his overwhelming desire avoid responsibility,” Zayn shrugs.
“Oh, blow me Malik,” Louis snaps.
“Not for free.”
Life falls into a bit of a schedule like that. They work, they bicker, their friends slash cast mates break up the tension of their bickering, and they all end up getting drinks together or watching some kind of documentary at Harry’s whilst playing a drinking game at his expense (they take a shot everytime he points out an inaccuracy).
And it works, until they’re about halfway into filming the third episode when something just snaps in him.
“Can you stop it with these accusations?”
“It wasn’t an accusation,” she hisses back, the line of her jaw going taut as she walks off set, heading, he’s guessing, away from him. Which of course, only leads to him trailing behind, matching her large strides.
It’s the same old song and dance.
“Really?” Niall taunts, unable to help himself, “Sure as hell sounded like one.”
“Well, it wasn’t.”
“Alright, then.”
“Just shut up.”
“Excuse me?”
“Just shut up!” She snaps, taking a step forward at him as if to issue a challenge. And suddenly they’re all too close. The inches separating them feel like a ravine. An abyss from which he’s not sure he’ll recover from.
“It wasn’t an accusation, it was a observation,” she says finally after the silence lingers one second too long between them, “You come in and you do the scenes without a thought; you know your character, you know Remus by heart, and that’s great for you, but some of us don’t have a five season contract to tide us over.”
Niall grits his teeth at that.
Her lips purse at the silence and when she finally speaks, he’s sure it’s just to provoke him some more.
“You’re maddening,” she says, sounding equal parts exasperated and defeated.
“What, so I can’t argue with you but I can’t be agreeable either?”
“Well, maybe it’s too late to be agreeable.”
“Well, maybe it shouldn’t be.”
The glare that she throws him is heated and harsh, “Why do you care so much?”
She’s got him there, he has to admit.
And so they stare at one another like that, breaths uneven and face tinged pink from anger.
Before he knows it though, he’s crashing into her like a tidal wave; mouth on mouth, skin on skin, and searing heat all over.
It’s not just a kiss, it’s a head rush. It’s a fight. It’s… akin to a flood, and it’s as though he’s waited his whole life to feel it. Part of him knows that they were just seconds ago shouting themselves hoarse at one another, but she’s pulling him in closer and all Niall can hear his blood rushing in his ears, blocking out everything but the smell of her, the taste of her, the feel of her.
Her lips are pressing up against his, ravenous, matching his intensity.
He’s glad that they’ve actually gone into overtime for the scene and the studio is mostly empty at this time of night because when they finally stumble into his dressing room, the door slams behind them with all the subtlety of police sirens in the dead of night.
“Fuck,” she gasps, pulling back as though reality hit her like a tonne of bricks. Her eyes wide and frenzied, lips red, hair wild around her head. Niall is certain that if they were to be walked in on, they would look to an outsider, guilty as sin.
Her blouse is halfway buttoned and barely hanging off her shoulders while his belt buckle is undone and fly already down.
“Fuck?”
“Yeah,” she agrees, “Fuck!” She reiterates herself slightly louder, running her hands through her already wild hair.
Niall breathes out a shaky laugh, “Someone’s eloquent tonight.”
“Oh like you think of a better word to describe,” she motioned the space between them a little too frantically with her hand, “… whatever this is?”
“I’ve got a couple off the top of my head, yeah.” He shrugs, looking her straight in the eye.
There’s a silence. And then…
“Oh shut up,” she instructs, taking a step closer before tugging on his jumper and pulling his lips back down onto hers.
Niall Horan to niallofficial is a shitty twitter handle: seriously
Niall Horan: which one of you bellends got Sierra involved
Harry Styles: ???
Niall Horan: someone told my agent
Niall Horan: who apparently is also deakins’ agent (thanks btw harry)
Niall Horan: that i’m being difficult on set
Niall Horan: now she wants to ‘talk to me’ tomorrow at her office
Louis Tomlinson: … have u evn checked twitter since u created your acc?
Louis Tomlinson: mirror.co.uk/things-getting-fired-up-between-niall-horan-and-model-actress-aahna-deakins-on-marauder-set
Niall Horan: oh
Liam Payne: don’t think ‘oh’ is gonna fix this one mate
Niall Horan: this explains that email from the execs
Louis Tomlinson: i can’t believe u read those studio memos
Harry Styles: not to abruptly change the subject but i need 2 talk about this thing with me n ains
Niall Horan: my agent is about to rip me a new one for on set behaviour
Niall Horan: which by the looks of the mirror article, the whole world knows about by now despite it being a closed set and everything
Niall Horan: but by all means commandeer the chat to talk about your love life
Louis Tomlinson: either get together or dont
Zayn Malik: ur not exaclty an authority on the subjct tommo
Harry Styles: i have booze
Louis Tomlinson: in the car now
Liam Payne: swing by to pick me up
Zayn Malik: me too
Niall Horan: getting in the elevator now
Ainsley Williams to Niall Horan: You should look at Twitter right now
Ainsley Williams: Everyone is so frenzied
Ainsley Williams: By the way, what were you boys up to last night?
Ainsley Williams: Apart from your drunk tweets
Ainsley Williams: Harry called twice to tell me he really enjoys scones
Ainsley Williams: Hello?
Niall is a little nervous as he makes his way to Sierra’s office at five past noon. The woman is a hardass agent who’s great at sniffing out opportunity (not that he’s needed for much from her in the past four years). She books his appearances, endorsements, and despite him never being interested, never fails to send over scripts for killer movie roles.
By proxy, she also works as his publicist, although they have more of a you stay out of trouble and I don’t have to put out any fires type of relationship.
And now he’s five minutes late to see her.
Sierra I didn’t get to where I am today by sleeping in Jones, is going to rip him a new one. He knows it. He can feel it in his bones. Niall can just imagine, and he groans at the thought of it, her utter annoyance at him. First he makes headlines for being a diva on set and not playing nice with the newcomer and then shows up to a meeting late? She’ll have his left nut and then some.
He reaches her office door a good three minutes later despite the near jogging pace he’s been walking at and silently curses Harry’s complicated love life. He’d told Aahna to stay at Ainsley’s so that he could have a lad’s night but ended up mostly just whining about how he doesn’t quite know where he stands with Ainsley.
Sierra’s assistant waves him in and he takes a deep breath before pushing the door open, surprised himself to find Aahna already in the room and apparently trying to reason with the older woman.
“Mr. Horan, how nice of you to join us,” Sierra greets his entrance sweetly, sarcasm simmering just beneath the surface of her voice.
Niall shuts the door behind him, rolling his eyes ever so slightly. The woman is a great agent, he can’t argue with that, and an expert negotiator too, but she’s definitely got a short temper and a flair for dramatics.
“Do sit down.”
Niall slides into the chair next to Aahna, intentionally avoiding her gaze considering that they hadn’t discussed their rather… explosive row few days prior. Not that they had much to discuss; they yelled, they had a bout of angry shagging, and kind of just left things at that.
It helps that they hadn’t needed to be in the same room together since. Up until this point that is.
“You wanted to talk to me?” He almost chokes out the words, voice a little worse for wear after the night of heavy drinking.
Sierra raises her eyebrow before letting her stare flit between her two clients, as if gauging something.
“Well, it has come to my attention that there’s been some… trouble on set,” the older woman starts saying, “Now, I don’t normally interfere in these matters but neither of you have publicists or managers, and no one is pointing fingers, but filming might need to go into overtime for two weeks.”
Sierra takes a long breath and exhales rather theatrically before continuing, “Would I be wrong to assume that this is because you two can’t seem to get your scenes wrapped satisfactorily?”
Niall sighs, “Is that what she told you?”
The woman frowned, “Is that incorrect?”
“That’s hardly—”
“Aahna, you’ve had your say, now I’d rather hear his,” Sierra says curtly before diverting her attention back to him.
Niall takes a deep breath before non committally saying, “Well, there was never a problem like this until she came around.”
“Oh, piss off!”
“Language, Aahna!” Sierra snaps, glaring at her sharply for a moment before resettling her gaze on Niall, exhaling crossly, “You were saying?”
He pauses for a moment, feeling his co-star’s rage boring holes into the side of his head. The co-star he does not at all like but shagged in his dressing room. (But there’s no way he’s discussing that with Sierra. Or anyone really.)
“We just… rub each other the wrong way,” he settled on saying, “And maybe that’s stalled production a little but—”
“Oh, so this is my fault now?” Aahna interjects.
“You can’t just conveniently skip over the part where you constantly insult how I play my character and think that that’s not going to have an effect on production!”
“Forgive me for trying to have a civil discourse—”
“And here we go again with the accusations—”
“For the last time, it’s not—”
“All you need to do is show up and read your lines—”
“We’re on the same team here, you wank—”
“If you two could restrain yourselves!” Sierra interjects, her voice the loudest Niall has ever heard. She pinches the bridge of her nose and exhales, taking her time to (he’s guessing) let all three of them calm down.
She declares crisply, voice slightly acidic, “Do you think we can find it within ourselves to act our age?”
“I wasn’t the one tweeting obscenities at midnight,” Aahna rolls her eyes, crossing her arms like a petulant teenager.
Technically, she’s right. (He’d seen some of her meme retweets of their video that’s making its way around the internet and things got… a little more heated online. The boys and the booze didn’t help, obviously.) But he’s not about to let her know that.
“Are you fucking kidding me?! I wasn’t the one retweeting vines—”
“Obviously, you didn’t even know what a vine was before—”
“WOULD YOU BOTH. JUST. SHUT IT?!” Sierra explodes, her voice cracking with shrill exasperation, her eyes blazing at the indignant lack of respect in her two clients.
They’re both immediately silenced, words dissolving off of their tongues at the volatile frustration of one Sierra Jones. Niall suspects that their agent is way past pinching the bridge of her nose in dramatic silence. So they sit there under her steely gaze.
After a moment or two, she states as a matter of factly, “I’ve come to a conclusion that you two idiots need to sort this out yourselves.”
He hears Aahna scoff derisively.
Niall blinks at that, slowly and deliberately, contemplating his agent’s words and willing her to continue that sentence because honestly, he imagines that paying her 20 per cent of his income would warrant a better solution.
“You two clearly have personal issues that you need to resolve outside of the set,” Sierra says, eerily calm as she flips through some files, some scripts, and stacking them all together, “If these little outbursts are of any indication, your antagonism towards one another clearly goes beyond work.”
Niall reluctantly turns to meet Aahna’s confused gaze as they both pull into the same trail of thought, all of five minutes with them and they’ve somehow driven their agent completely mental.
“The only way I see fit to remedy this situation is to forcibly give the two of you time together to straighten things out.”
Somewhere in the back of his mind, his head fills with apprehensive dread. More time together did not sound like a solution. If anything, it spells disaster, and clearly, Aahna thought so too.
They both speak out at the same time;
“The more time we spend together is just more time spent fighting.”
“Wouldn’t throwing us into The Hunger Games be faster?”
“Is that even necessary when we’re already halfway through the season?”
“If we’re already behind schedule that hardly sounds like a good idea.”
Ignoring them both, Sierra rearranges the stack of her files patiently and stands up, tucking them into her oversized purse before pushing a button on the phone on her desk, “You can leave for the rest of the day, Andrea, I’ll be working remotely.”
“Hang on,” Niall asks as Sierra walks around the table toward the door, “Did you just say ‘forcibly’?”
She swivels around to face them as she reaches the door.
“I don’t know about you kids, but my Twitter feed today is 80% people asking if the two of you are having hate sex,” Sierra’s no nonsense eyes snaps over to his mirthlessly, as though issuing a challenge, “And I’m not saying that hate fucking is going to fix this… whatever it is that’s going on between you two, but it might be something to think about in the next few hours.”
They’re both out of their seats at this point.
They have definitely, definitely, driven their agent to the brink of insanity.
“You’re kidding.”
Sierra tight lips lifted slightly into a satisfied smirk, “I don’t ‘kid’.”
“You can’t just lock us into a room together and force us to get along.”
“Watch me.”
And with that, she is out the door with a rather decisive click echoing behind her slamming the door shut.
Aahna turns to look at him, “Did she just—”
“Lock us in her office together? Yeah, I think so.”
Niall’s eyes fly shut in disbelief, head lolling back and frustrated groan leaving his lips as she lunges forward toward the door to rattle the knob inconsequentially.
She turns around, a slip of paper that Sierra somehow slid through under the door in her hands.
“This is a nightmare,” she declares, passing him the piece of paper.
Office is soundproof so yell away.
Snacks and water in my left drawer.
Cleaners have the keys. They come at four.
DO NOT BREAK ANYTHING.
A rather tense, momentary silence fills the room. While Niall resigns himself to their fate, it seems that Aahna has other thoughts, fidgeting with the doorknob some more and getting really up close and personal with the door in general.
When he doesn’t seem at all bothered to help, she snaps at his direction, “What are you even doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
“Vegetating, or something equally productive.”
“Pretty much, yeah,” Niall kicks his legs up onto Sierra’s desk and places his hands behind his head.
“So you’re just going to not look for a way out of this?”
“She said that the cleaners are coming in a few hours,” he shrugs, enjoying the fact that the whole situation seems to have her more on edge than him.
And on edge she proves to be, making a ruckus and a whole production out of trying to unscrew the hinges and then moving onto attempts to break the doorknob. After about twenty minutes of her basically exhausting herself and him making mindlessly unhelpful comments, Aahna slumps onto the sofa.
It’s uncomfortable to say the least, but only because they’ve never really spent any time alone together. There are always other cast members around, or crew members, or… other people in general. And the last time they were left alone, well, that didn’t really fix anything.
Niall never would have thought in a million years this is what his career would result in after taking on Remus Lupin.
He had prepared himself for pulling all-nighters to get scenes just right for rather difficult directors or falling in love with guest stars on the show over table reads on otherwise unremarkable Wednesday nights or piling laughingly into taxis with the cast and crew after a night out and having good-naturedly bemused drivers who’d chuckle and ask to take selfies with him. But he hasn’t quite done any of those things.
He’s never been one for rash, near-reckless errors in judgment so he doesn’t quite know why he expected life to change.
But it didn’t, for so long, that he got comfortable and now he doesn’t know what the protocol is when you don’t get along with a co-worker, get into their pants that one time, be involved in a bit of bad press, and then get locked in a room with said co-worker.
So they just sit in silence for a few minutes, the tension palpable, and it’s turning him into a bit of a mess honestly, sitting there with his phone dead and nothing to do to distract from the fact that the last time they were alone together, things got a little… out of hand.
He tries not to think about it, he really does, but the way she drapes herself onto the sofa and a lack of things to occupy his mind with makes it a pervading thought; the way she had kissed him back, hard and rough and unexpected. The way his hands moved from her waist, lower and lower, like they’d been there before.
Niall starts shuffling through some of the scripts on Sierra’s desk to have something to do, but none of them hold his attention for long. His thoughts revolve mostly around how the last time they were alone together, his heart raced and his head swam and his blood seared.
The slow-going and low-simmering… something that he feels for her has inexplicably expanded. Exploded. Gone from an itch he couldn’t quite scratch to a blistering burn he couldn’t ignore. He thinks that liking someone isn’t a prerequisite for wanting them. Which is why he finds himself blurting out, “So the boys may or may not have also suggested that we should fuck.”
Aahna raises her eyebrow at his direction from the couch slash casual sitting area in Sierra’s office where she’s taken up permanent residence in the past ten minutes, casually swiping on her phone.
Her expression ripples with surprise and then disdain.
“Why exactly do the boys think we should fuck?”
“I didn’t tell them that we technically already did if that’s what you’re worried about, they just think that some platonic fucking might actually help us be in the same room as each other without wanting to kill each other.”
And also they thought it might be good for me to stop being a soppy romantic and just get laid, he thinks. But he doesn’t say it.
“Right,” she says, but there’s something a bit off about her voice, “The platonic fucking in your dressing room didn’t exactly help us with Sierra today now did it?”
“It’s just a thought.”
“Uh huh.”
The pause that follows is heavy and full of all kinds of something he can’t name.
“This was a mistake,” he groans.
“What’s that mean?”
“What?”
“You said ‘this’ was a mistake,” she replies casually.
His heartbeat is beating fast, faster than it should be, and his palms are damp.
“What’s ‘this’?” She stands up, “Suggesting that we fuck? Or…did you mean something else?”
A muscle in his neck ticks, lurches, jumps.
“You started this,” he snaps.
“Look, I’m not a phase, okay, I’m not your crisis or your fucking spiral because your life is so God damn—”
He can tell that it’s about to turn into one of their angry yelling matches that got them into this predicament to begin with so he just nips it in the bud because he’s still slightly hungover and really isn’t in the mood, “Look, just forget I mentioned it!”
“It’s just a thought,” he’s also on his feet by now.
“Okay,” she nods in a tone that suggests she may not be okay with it.
Her gaze softens and looks genuinely alight with some kind of curiousity. But he catches the tail end of some unknown emotion flitting across her face as she takes another step forward.
“So let’s dissect it. You think we should, as Sierra so eloquently put it, have angry hate sex to solve our problems?”
He hesitates and clenches his jaw, unsure how she can be so blasé about the whole thing.
Tension hangs in the air between them like thick velvet curtains, heavy and all-consuming. The intensity of her gaze far too intoxicating to be uncomfortable.
“No, I’m—what do you think is happening here?” he hedges, his frustration mounting.
“I think you’re propositioning me for mindless totally non-timing consuming sex.”
Another step.
“Non time consuming?” Niall sputters, taking a step forward, a choked-off huff of frustration building at the base of his throat.
“Someone was pretty eager the last time,” she shrugs.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” he huffs, completely lying.
They’re so close to one another now that he’s almost afraid a flicker of eyelashes would betray him. But she’s standing her ground, so he just waits for her to argue with him instead.
She doesn’t.
Instead she tugs on his shirt collar and fully closes the gap between them.
Their lips, as if entirely of their own accord, start to move furiously against each other and sort of just… work, in an unexpected and unexplained harmony.
Like a melody and a lyric that shouldn’t fit but flowed beautifully together.
Her throat hums in agreement beneath his lips.
Taking that as a go ahead, he moves his hands from beneath her shirt to lift her onto the solid surface they hit, Sierra’s desk. In turn, she wraps her legs around his waist, pulling him closer and smirking as he groans into her mouth, his growing arousal rubbing against her.
Aahna all but swallows her exhale as he slides his fingers into her, the sound that rips from her throat mid way between a grunt and a groan.
“You sure you want to talk about eager?” He all but challenges, a streak of confidence bordering the line of arrogance rearing its head as his fingers move against her obvious enthusiasm.
“Well, I haven’t had dick in a while, what’s your excuse?”
Her fingers are digging into his shoulders the way they are and her voice all raspy and out of breath shooting electricity into every corner of his body.
Niall can’t seem to think or breathe at their proximity. Nevermind that he’s being stupider than he’s ever been in his life, she whimpers as he groans, and his mind is blissfully blank, so he continues the teasing, rubbing and stroking and flicking.
“Okay, you have about five seconds—” she starts to say before he hastily covers his mouth with hers.
He lets his tongue push past her lips at the same time he pushes into her and the sound that comes from her throat is so fucking intoxicating that he‘s not sure of anything anymore.
Niall grips both sides of her hips tight, moving slowly inside of her, giving her the only thing he’s got that she wants and it pisses him off to be honest, how well they fit together. And by the way she’s leaving fingernail crescent marks down his back, he’d say she feels it too. They are scorching and sweaty and utterly out of breath, lips lazily locked. He’s stretching and drawing out the whole ordeal further than he thought himself capable of, eliciting sounds from her that play a soft symphony around the still room.
She pulls her head back to let obscenities freely tumble out, her breath hitting his skin in ragged huffs.
Aahna practically keens for more, her cheeks impossibly flushing and her muscles tight beneath him. It’s all heady and sensual and way more than he can take so in one smooth motion, he slides out and flips her over to bend her over the desk.
He thrusts into her, deliberately frantic, each pump leaving her more of a quivering mess than before, her knees shaking and barely holding her body upright.
As her body begins to spasm, his thrusts grow more desperate, barrelling her towards the release they both crave.
A dozen or so strokes later, he’s there too.
It takes them both by surprise, the sheer intensity of it. They pant together, recovering slowly, still tangled and reeling, neither moving more than what it takes to claim the next gulping breath.
Caroline Davies to Niall Horan: u fucking deakins yet?
Niall Horan: WHAT
Niall Horan: NO
Caroline Davies: care to explain y not?
Niall Horan: care to explain where this is coming from?
Caroline Davies: cos
Caroline Davies: u should get on that
Caroline Davies: or under that
Caroline Davies: or behind that
Niall Horan: i WILL block you
Caroline Davies: lol like you know how
Caroline Davies: also, i mean, if u wont i will
Niall Horan to Aahna Deakins: just a heads up
Aahna Deakins: ??
Niall Horan: i think caroline wants to have sex with you
Aahna Deakins: i mean i already knew that
Niall Horan: …
Niall Horan: what?
Aahna Deakins: seen
Niall Horan: ‘m gonna kill harry
The first time they consciously agree to have angry hate sex, in Sierra’s office no less, Niall thought it’d be a one-time thing, an interesting experiment culminated from a hangover and not having had sex in… a while.
But then the second and third time go by, and it occurs to Niall that there might be some real science behind the whole hate sex theory.
Things actually begin to drastically improve after they start shagging out their frustrations on the regular. When they agreed on something without yelling a good few minutes about it first, Louis chokes on his tequila shot. (It’s at the pub at the corner of the studio and the boys decided that everyone needs to take a shot whenever he and Aahna ‘go at it again’ and it spectacularly backfires when they take a preemptive shot just as she says, “No, I think you’re right.”)
A few more weeks and a few more tucked away in a dusty corridor rendezvous later and they’re all at the production wrap party, hosted by the studio after the final scene of the season has been shot.
It’s a Tuesday and they’re out with some of the crew at a little bar smack down in the middle of London. Aahna’s been ordering round after round of brightly coloured cocktails, all of which named after incredibly explicit sex acts, and between the outrageously short dress she has on and the sound of her saying things like, “hit me with a screaming orgasm” and “get me a couple of leg spreaders”, Niall thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s been thrust into a very special kind of hell.
And he can’t stop fucking staring.
It’s so easy to see now that she’s more than just a persona. Not just an empty, shallow, airbrushed mask. Not just a famous for being famous type influencer slash model slash actress.
She’s blatantly jagged and simpering and unapologetic about how she is.
And she’s smart too, not a lot of people have the nerve to move their entire life across oceans to fight her way into Hollywood (albeit it didn’t pan out as well as it could have). And he doesn’t doubt for a second that she’d had to fight tooth and nail for her Marauders audition as well. That she probably had to call in favours, made some unpaid appearances, turn down “comeback” runway opportunities. Basically, really really want it.
As Aahna throws her head back, laughing from across the room at some joke the ridiculously tight v neck t’ shirt by the bar just made, Niall thinks that they need to talk about their whole provoke each other and then press each other up against walls situation. His mind is slightly befuddled by the fact that they’ve been low-key shagging for the past month or two yet she’s flirted quite openly with the bartender for the past hour and the half.
(He’s also a bit confused about the fact that he can’t find any internet searches that addresses her sexuality head on. There’s little to no indication that she’s even ‘into the d’ as the kids say.)
Her laughter carries itself across the room and Niall fights the urge to go over and drag her away from the dark-skinned, broad-shouldered bartender.
Said bartender has high cheekbones and eyes half-lidded to go along with his lazy trying hard to play it cool demeanor. His posture is perfect, a little too perfect for a man standing by the bar at some shi shi up and coming hotspot in London. If it weren’t for the pub full of who’s who at the studio, Niall might think that he’s one of those tries too hard to be dangerous prep school boys peddling designer drugs with a carefully crafted layer of apathy.
Distracting himself from the scene, he busies himself with the tedious task of talking to some studio executives. Someone has to, considering that Harry and Ainsley have disappeared god knows where together, Zayn and Louis are going round with a bottle of tequila making cast members take shots and Liam is deep in conversation with one of the directors.
He’s mid polite laugh when out of the corner of his eye, Niall sees her meander out the backdoor all hips swaying and dress swirling and alone.
A few seconds go by and he excuses himself to follow, but something, or rather someone, stops him before he even makes it to the door.
“So how long have you two been fucking?” Caroline asks bluntly.
He’s not sure how Caroline of all people would know, but in hindsight, Aahna did leave his place the other night to meet her for a drink in one of his t’ shirts.
He raises his brow and feigns nonchalance, “Me and Mark from finance?”
“You and Aahna, bellend.”
He laughs, “What makes you say that?”
“Because you have that look in your eye.”
“What look?”
“That ‘I want to fuck the shit out of you’ look.”
He looks Caroline straight in the eye and is incredibly proud of himself for not cracking, not even a little, “I do not have an ‘I want to fuck the shit out of you’ look.”
“You do and you so want to hit that,” the blonde says, all smug.
I’m already hitting that, he almost says, the words on the tip of his tongue just balancing perfectly before it swan dives him into trouble.
“No, you want to hit that,” Niall chuckles out instead.
“We get along too well for there to be any sexual chemistry,” Caroline shrugs, “The two of you on the other hand…”
“There’s nothing but animosity between us, Care.”
“Can I point out that hate sex is a known cure for situations like this?”
“Yeah. No,” he says before sidestepping her and pushing the door open.
He’s pretty sure she’s grinning like the cat that caught the canary and Niall isn’t sure if he’s the canary in the situation. The London air hits him like something out of a literary scene, a little nippy but a much appreciated break from the suffocating interrogation by the hands of one Caroline Davies inside.
Just as he recalls why he headed out there into the back alley to begin with, a line of cigarette smoke wafts into his view.
“Don’t you have better things to do than play babysitter and watch me smoke a cigarette whilst sipping on your tonic water?” Aahna remarks, a cigarette between her fingers and a layer of indifference around her.
“Excuse me?”
Niall may be twenty-five and enjoys the occasional beer or two (that often don’t end at two) but he’s also old fashioned and refuses to crack one open until the sun goes down to the very least.
“At least I’m not drunk at four in the afternoon on a Tuesday, at a company party.”
“I like to chase my cocaine high with gin, it goes down real smooth,” she hums, mocking the judgement in his voice with a line of smoke to his face.
“You realise that this isn’t Models R’Us anymore, right?”
She flashes him a smile that a journalist once called ‘equal parts make your slacks tighter and stop a baby elephant in its tracks terrifying’ in the Daily Mail and informs him in a sickeningly sweet voice, “First of all, it was a joke. And second of all, it’s a party, old man Horan. Loosen up.”
“I’m not—” He cuts himself off, expression visibly hardening as she effortlessly pushes his buttons.
There’s a pause as he collects his comeback and she leans in, as if to whisper a secret.
“Careful,” she simpers, narrowing her eyes, “Might give yourself an aneurysm there.”
“I don’t think you’re in a place to give off health advice, Deakins.”
She almost chokes on the smoke as she cackles at his statement, “Oh, like you are? Mr. three knee surgeries and clearly needs glasses but doesn’t wear them?”
“Just…” he says tiredly, “Shut up.”
“You shut up,” she snaps back, but without any real bite in her voice.
“I’m not the one trying to peddle an STD to poor unsuspecting bartenders.”
“Oh come on,” she drawls, “Getting chlamydia from me has been the highlight of your year.”
“I was wondering what that rash was,” Niall plays along as they grin at each other, sharp and feral, as though not realising who it is exactly they’re bantering with.
She drops the cigarette to the ground and their lips lock.
She tastes of cigarettes and sin. And her mouth is just the way he remembered, hard and warm, tongue flickering against his as he pulls her body close. It’s wet and messy and a little bit desperate the way their teeth clack together and their tongues urgently wanting more, but they stumble blindly into a storage room of some sort.
She arches up into him with a whimper when he moves his way down her neck.
He sinks blunt teeth into her sternum right where the fabric of the top crosses over on her chest and she whines at the contact. Her body already erupting in goosebumps.
“What are we doing?” He asks as he slides ad hand up her skirt between her thighs.
“I don’t know; what do you think we’re doing?” She gasps between breaths as she grinds against his fingers.
He’s not even touching her in earnest yet, just teasing, keeping her on the edge, ghosting over her skin.
“I thought you weren’t into this?”
“What, this being dick?” Aahna asks, contempt in her voice.
The disdain, obvious and unforgivingly sharp, would have bothered him if he didn’t quite enjoy feeling her body react to his touch so much.
He uses that as opportunity to slip his fingers into the thin fabric that is her underwear, using the pad of his thumb to rub gentle circles into her just the way he knows drives her crazy.
“Well, there’s this concept called bisexuality. I’m sure you’ve— fuck,” she moans throwing her head back as his fingers slide into her.
Her cheeks are flushed and bright while her eyes keep on fluttering, struggling to stay open.
The sounds escaping her throat as he continues to finger fuck her makes things so much better and so much worse at the same time. When he feels her insides clench at him and her breath shudder into his shoulder, reaching her release, he’s ready to burst.
For a moment there’s nothing but the sound of their harsh breathing, and she sighs into his neck. And then, she lifts her head and leans back against the wall, sly smirk dancing on her lips, “You know, they say once is a mistake and twice is a pattern.”
“Yeah, and what’s seven and a half?” Niall jokes weakly, his pants so tight he’s surprised there’s any blood going to his brain at all.
“Good practice,” she says as her hands slide from their spot on his back and down to the front, undoing his belt and unzipping his trousers with a certain finesse that’s getting him impossibly harder, “I mean, giving a blowjob isn’t exactly like riding a bike.”
He forgets what they’re even talking about when she gets down on her knees in the dingy little storage room.
Niall Horan to CALL TIME IS 12PM DONT FORGET: did empire just reschedule the shoot?
Niall Horan: i swear tommo, if you’re hungover and lied about the baby being sick again…
Niall Horan: guys
Harry Styles: why do u even have a twitter acct if ur never gonna use it
Niall Horan: what?
Louis Tomlinson: for once it is not my fault thank you very much
Zayn Malik: a and h are stuck with the bobbies
Niall Horan: what?!
Liam Payne: aahna saw a cyclist get hit and run-ed, she called harry after she called the ambulance, he goes over because he’s an idiot, they get recognised, twitter blows up because the interwebs think aahna and harry hit the cyclist, and now they’re giving a statement at scotyard
Louis Tomlinson: and that’s what you missed on glee
Niall Horan: the cyclist ok?
Aahna Deakins: thanks for the concern, horan
Niall Horan: and why would you stop if you weren’t the one to hit him
Aahna Deakins: it was a corner
Aahna Deakins: he could have gotten run over by other cars!
Harry Styles: didn’t you stop for a guy who got hit by a car once?
Louis Tomlinson: because he was chasing his dog?
Zayn Malik: at like 2am at night or some shit?
Niall Horan: i’m not a lone female driver nor a celebrity yet at that point
Niall Horan: and he got hit because his dog jumped out of his car and he ran after it
Aahna Deakins: wow was the dog okay?
Niall Horan: that’s beside the point
Louis Tomlinson: the owner still sends him pics every christmas
Niall Horan: THE POINT IS
Niall Horan: it could’ve been one of those staged scams where you get robbed blind
Niall Horan: or you could’ve gotten caught in a fan mob
Niall Horan: have you no sense of self preservation, deakins?
Louis Tomlinson: aww look at nialler all concerned for aahna
Harry Styles: i call that growth
Zayn Malik: look how far they’ve come
Liam Payne: 😍😍😍
Niall Horan has left the chat
Aahna Deakins to Niall Horan: we’re secretly fucking on the regular
Aahna Deakins: does that answer your self-preservation question
Niall Horan: THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING
Zayn Malik to this is your reminder to stop getting tattoos before they replace the whole cast: we’re heading over to pick ‘em up
Zayn Malik: make sure they dont get mobbed cause of harry’s fans
Liam Payne: so we can all get mobbed together apparently
Niall Horan: no
Louis Tomlinson:
As much as he loves his job, Niall is glad when things wind down. It’s mostly post-production work once all the scenes are shot and the cast get to take a little break. Not like anybody actually takes breaks; Harry and Zayn usually have promotional commitments or other projects that they jet off to, as does Ainsley, Liam almost exclusively has some West End or Broadway gig, Louis disappears into his role of on duty father and occasional boyfriend depending on the state of his on again off again relationship, and Caroline does quite a fair bit of radio.
For Niall though, it spells out a chance to settle in and recharge. Maybe get some golfing in. Playing someone on screen is like having someone in your head, and it’s exhausting. So he fulfills contractual appearances, does an interview or two, and reads scripts for movie roles he knows he won’t take because trying to purge one character out of his head is hard enough.
If he’s feeling particularly restless, he dives into a bit of writing.
He’d hit a wall with one particular piece he’s been working on a while ago and wasn’t sure where he’s going with it. But between shelving it and the hectic filming season, he thinks he might just be able to get back into the groove of it.
He’s reading through the pages when his phone buzzes violently by his side. Niall wedges the mobile between his ear and shoulder, answering on autopilot more than anything.
“Hello?” It’s Aahna’s voice, sounding like she’s calling from the middle of Glastonbury or some rave or whatever the young’uns are into nowadays.
Except her voice sounds terrible, gasping and raspy and all wrong.
He shoots upright from his former position on the couch.
“Deakins?”
“Yeah— I’m just— Hang on— I can’t deal with that right now, can you please get her from the loo so we can get out of here?”
There’s a shuffling and some shoving sounds coming from the other end, but then she’s back before he can question it or voice his worry.
“Sorry— We’re kind of next to bar fight. Anyway—”
“Did you just say bar fight?”
“Yeah, Harry’s been away for a week now and he hasn’t called to check in with Ains so we went out for some drinks where she basically whined about how she doesn’t know what they are and then Caroline thought it’d be fun to instigate a fight between these two guys who kept buying us drinks,” she rushes through the whole thing like it isn’t a big deal, “It’s a whole ordeal.”
“Yeah?” Niall says, having no idea where she’s going with the call.
The background noise seem to be getting louder and he eyes his car keys from his living room couch, wondering if he should go pick them all up before it morphs into a social media frenzy and another one of those things that the studio execs send them all emails about with exclamation marks in the headline.
“Yeah,” Aahna shouts back over the phone, “You remember that time when I told you that Harry’s new coffee maker was voice activated?”
He smiles at the memory of it, dropping the papers in his hands to his side, “Yeah, that was a fun morning. Spent fifteen minutes yelling at the damn thing before Harry asked me the hell I was doing.”
She laughs at that, “I swear you’re like a seventy year old in a twenty five year old’s body.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” Niall’s finding it hard not to raise his voice to match hers at this point.
“Nothing, I was just calling to let you know that watching Caroline manipulate guys into a fisticuffs was really fun,” she shouts back, louder this time, “Almost as fun as watching technology stump you.”
Niall goes warm all over at that. He blames the chilli he wolfed down earlier that she left for him last night.
She’s stayed over at his almost every night since Harry’s been away, doing away with the cloak and dagger of sneaking in and out to avoid questions or suspicions.
It’s been surprisingly domesticated. She brings over takeout, they watch something or another on the telly, they fuck, they bicker all over his apartment that he feels her breath lingering in corners when she leaves for whatever responsibilities she has for the day, and it’s been sort of just… nice.
The intimacy of it all should feel like too much; the cuddling after sex, the falling asleep wrapped up in one another. But he can’t find it in him to to care. Not when his blood is still getting back to their path not south of his body and his sheets have yet to cool from their exertions. Besides, they’d agreed that they weren’t hurting anyone with their arrangement so there’s no point trying to fix something that isn’t broken and that’s just been that.
When he opens his door about an hour later, it’s Aahna. Leather jacket over a thin romper (ridiculous for London weather, in his humble opinion) hair all blowsy and too much leg showing.
No wonder some pricks was buying her drinks all night. But he doesn’t tell her that, obviously.
“You need to tell Harry you’re not dead,” she pushes past him into the apartment, kicking off her shoes and hanging her jacket at the hook next to the door habitually, without him prompting her to do so she goes.
“What?”
“He’s been texting me to check up on you this whole week because none of your socials show signs of life and it’s driving me insane.”
He stares after her as she makes her way to his living room, confused. He does a few InstaStories on set here and there but those are more contractual obligations for promo than anything.
“And it’s not like I can tell him you’re fine because I’ve seen you practically everyday,” Aahna continues, “When I tried to flip the subject on him for leaving Ainsley hanging yet clearly not being dead because he’s texting me like clockwork every day, he accused me of not looking out for you, because apparently it’s a neighborly obligation to ensure that you haven’t accidentally bored yourself to death or something.”
“I don’t need looking out for,” Niall frowns.
“Good, ‘cause I’m apparently doing a shit job,” she jumps on the couch, lying flat with her feet propped on the armrest. She cocks her head looking over at him, “Although in his defence, your socials have been particularly dead and that’s not— Wait, what is this?”
She yanks out the scripted version of his story from beneath her.
“It’s nothing,” he says, as he goes to snatch it out of her hands.
“Niall James Horan, are you actually looking to expand your curriculum vitae?” Aahna cocks her eyebrow up as she leafs through the first few pages.
“Give me that.”
“Are you auditioning for a film?” She asks again, eyes skipping across the words on the pages, and ignoring his previous statement.
“No. It’s nothing,” he repeats defensively, tugging at the script, feeling nervous and oddly self-conscious about it. But Aahna has got an inexplicably strong grip and she weasels out of his grasp, script still in hand, jumping off the couch to read more of it without his limbs getting in the way.
“Where’d you get this from?”
“It’s not—”
“Niall, this is good,” she looks up at him, eyes alight, “This is really good. You should do it.”
He starts trying to explain that it isn’t a movie, just a silly thing he’s been working on and off over the years but he trails off before he can let the words out.
He can’t believe it, but the sleek, sour, and at times, inexplicably charming co-star, Aahna Deakins has, over the weeks, gradually gone from a veritable thorn by his side to somewhat of a begrudging friend. (Well, a friend who ruthlessly mocks him every available opportunity and then jump into his bed when no one is looking. That sort of friend.)
She’s just staring at him and they’re just silent, which neither of them are used to.
“It’s just a thing I’ve been fiddling with,” he finally admits, “I’ve been writing it for a couple of years, it’s not… It’s not anything.”
“I’m five pages in and I’m hooked, why aren’t you pitching this to the studio?” Aahna asks, confused.
“It’s barely a done script.”
“Then finish it,” she says, as a matter of factly.
“Sure,” he says with a shrug.
She looks at him pointedly, “I mean it. You need to show this to Sierra or something.”
“Alright.”
“You better,” she says, pushing the thick wad of paper flimsily stapled together into his chest as she turns to head to his kitchen as though it was hers. Although at this point, with all the take out and beer she’s bought over, it might as well be.
“If anything, you should do it for me,” she grabs a beer out of the fridge.
“For you, huh?” Niall sets the script down, trailing behind her into the kitchen.
“Yeah,” she knocks the beer cap off the corner of the bar counter with ease, “To impress me.”
“Trust me, I’m trying,” he says under his breath.
She cocks her head at that, and he takes the opportunity to snatch the beer from her, “Forget I said that.”
“Alright,” she says, mirroring his tone from earlier, smirk on her lips, smug and proud.
He’s moved closer to her without realising.
“You do, by the way,” she plucks the beer bottle back from his hands effortlessly.
“What?”
“Impress me.”
He says nothing for a minute, just looking at her. And she’s just looking back at him. Too much space between them. His heart, still thudding from the panic of her finding the script to begin with, slowing finally.
“Now,” she says, breaking their prolonged eye contact, “Let’s talk about getting Harry off my back about you; how do you feel about fashion shows?”
Niall Horan renamed the group can we pls stop renaming the group chat
Louis Tomlinson renamed the group horan and deakins sitting on a tree
Niall Horan: what
Louis Tomlinson: oh im sorry
Louis Tomlinson renamed the group #teamdrowningindeniall
Louis Tomlinson: better?
Niall Horan: first of all, you’re not using the hashtag right
Niall Horan: second of all, pretty sure this is cyberbullying
Louis Tomlinson: first of all what do u know about hashtags
Louis Tomlinson: second of all no is not
Louis Tomlinson: everyone saw the fashion show photos
Niall Horan renamed the group stop it or i’m calling old bill on you tommo
Louis Tomlinson renamed the group lmao old bill cant help that ur in love with aahna
Liam Payne: hahahahahahhahahahah
Harry Styles: could’ve been worse
Harry Styles: he could have started a fb couple page for u
Niall Horan: …
Louis Tomlinson: if i weren’t so happy ‘d be upset i didn’t think of that first
Zayn Malik: link us as soon as it’s up
Niall Horan: thanks, harru
Niall spends a good five minutes under the stream of the too hot shower water just staring at the tube of face wash. The body wash, her brand that leaves him smelling a little too coconut-y and a little more moisturised than he likes, swirls down the drain as he contemplates the face wash so innocently staring back at him.
It’s the exact brand he uses, one that you can’t just get out of any Boots or Tesco. No, his face wash is one that you could only get at its boutique brand outlets.
And he knows he’s overthinking it. Knows that it’s stupid to get all worked up over a simple face wash. He can’t help it though, a few weeks of under the radar shagging has left him even more unnerved than before they were working out their onset aggression.
He makes a gargantuan effort to push the thought away; the thought that Aahna went out of her way to get him his face wash to keep at her bathroom. The thought that even though filming for the season has wrapped and for all intents and reasons they wouldn’t be seeing much of each other anymore, she still got his face wash to keep at her place.
The thought that their level of intimacy now is almost on the edge of being caught. (She insisted that she needs to make Harry’s place look lived in by the time he gets back and Niall goes over to help her out with that except they just ended up fucking on the couch with some mindless cop drama playing in the background.)
He’s cleaning up in her bathroom and there it it, his face wash just sitting there in the shower. Like it’s been there waiting for him all this time.
Niall shuts off the water and steps out of the shower, face wash be damned. But when he walks out to the living room, she’s just lounging on the couch, scrolling through the Netflix queue in the ratty t’ shirt he was wearing earlier and his heart swells with some kind of feeling he hates to admit.
She settles on some documentary on greek mythology and he wonders for a moment if she is Persephone; an abstract idea he dreamed up and kidnapped, now kept captive in his mind.
(And he knows right then, that he is completely and utterly fucked.)
#wow this one got away from me#niall fic#fic: and they'll hang us in the louvre#fic: louvre#niall smut#niall horan fanfiction#keep reading
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