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overdramatic-queer-antagonist · 3 years

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Stop The Apocalypse Out Of Spite

I kept seeing these Martin gets raised by Lonelyeyes fics and thinking ‘this is way to healthy’ so here’s Lonelyeyes son Martin being an uncooperative bastard like he deserves.

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Ao3 Next

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fic under cut

Martin is a nice man. Really, he is. He helps old ladies cross the street, volunteers at the local animal shelter, and all that jazz. People expect his parents to be equally polite, retired probably, with a home with a beautiful garden somewhere in the suburbs. This was not the case. Let's just say finding out that his parents were two billionaires who argued for sport was a top tier relationship ender. And yet, Martin's failed relationships didn't come even close to why he resented Elias and Peter.

To start with, they were plain evil. Not abusive. Like, supervillain, "eat this poison apple" type people. Also, there was the arguing thing. They had this weird game. They would fight, divorce, Peter would fuck off on the Tundra, and then remarry, rinse and repeat. He, honest to God, didn't care about their weird kink if they didn't so clearly want him to participate. When he had first moved in, he tried to stay in his room as much as possible. Not seen, not heard, that's what had worked with his mum. But they weren't having any of that, and pretty soon, he was a part of their little game. Then there was the whole thinking money equates to love, although he felt kind of guilty about that one. At least he had money. But the worst thing by far was Elias's insistence that Martin work for The Institute.

He had only really done it to shut Elias up, of course. He was planning on quitting the next week. Saying, "he tried, but he doesn't think it's for him. Plus, he feels so bad knowing that he has a leg up on all his coworkers." And all that bullshit that Martin and Elias both know was posturing. But he went up to Elias's office to resign only to find that he couldn't. Not like Martin discovered that he really loved the job, he was hired as Elias's assistant and did absolutely nothing all day, but he literally couldn't. Elias, of course, was smirking triumphantly at Martin when he found himself tongue-tied. That was the one time he called Elias Jonah. Never again. The pride on his face was immeasurable.

There were some alright things about them, though. Martin never had to worry about money, and they would usually leave him alone, probably The Lonley's doing, but whether it was Peter or himself doing it was a mystery to Martin. His job at the institute wasn't the worst. The pay was ridiculously high (another thing Martin hated: nepotism), and it was clear that Elias had only hired him to gloat. He didn't actually care what Martin did during his day.

Well, that's not entirely true. There was one thing Elias truly despised him doing. Elias couldn't stand him hanging around the Archives. Ergo, that became Martin's new favorite spot. He didn't like the first Archivist, Gertrude. She always seemed like she couldn't decide if he was an idiot or a spy. She never once seemed to consider that he might actually be able to help stop Elias. She was doing a great job pissing of Elias, though, so he stuck around. And then she disappeared. Elias was the culprit, no doubt, and he had a pretty good idea of where her body was. He didn't care about that rude old lady nearly enough to even consider going down there to look, though.

He liked her replacement. Jonathan Sims. He was ignorant, for one, which was refreshing. The less Jon knew the less his glares stung. He knew nothing about what was actually going on, so there was no actual malice in them. It was cute. Jon also had a very entertaining habit of forgetting that Martin was Elias's son. Whenever he was relaxed enough or drunk enough (thanks, Tim), Jon would rant about how much he hated Elias. Martin found this cute too. Maybe he just thought Jon was cute. Usually, Jon would pause suddenly, realizing who he was talking to, no doubt, and prepare an apology of some sort before being interrupted by Martin complaining about Elias more than he had. Martin would bring tea to Jon and his assistants, Tim and Sasha, and pretend for a second that they were safe. He liked it.

Then Prentiss attacked. He was worried all day, hilariously enough, not about Prentiss. That would be pretty simple to stop, and even Elias would be sure to try and prevent it from actually killing anyone. No, it was that fucking table. He wasn't stupid. He listened to every tape. He knew (not Knew he took a lot of pride in that) that the NotThem was connected to it. Jon and Tim had each other, but Sasha was all alone or worse, with Elias. So he managed to 'get separated' from Tim and Jon and hurried to Artifact Storage.

Just as he'd expected, there was Sasha, face to face with the NotThem, paralyzed. He may have panicked a little bit, but he liked Sasha. So he did what he had to. He grabbed her and dragged her into the Lonely.

Which brings him to now. In the Lonely, praying he can anchor Sasha enough, with Sasha standing in front of him, snapping out of her daze.

"Oh my God, Martin!" she said, rushing to hug him and sounding relieved, "Thank you! Thank-" She stiffened. Here it comes. Martin thought. "Martin?"

"Yes, Sasha?" He heard himself respond shakily.

"What are you?" Sasha asked calmly and, to Martin's relief, not letting go.

Martin laughed nervously, "Well, I'm Polish on my mother's side."

Sasha smacked his arm, "You know what I meant."

"... I'm gay? You already know that, Sash-"

"Oh, my God! Stop deflecting. I'm literally begging you!" She laughed, pushing off of him.

"If I had an answer, I'd tell you, Sash." He answered, honestly, "But if you're asking if I'm still human? Yes, I guess."

"Great. Can you get us out?"

"Oh, sure. Any suggestions?"

"Can you get us to Tim and Jon?"

Martin paused, "Maybe? I don't really know where they are. I don't serve the Beholding. They're in the tunnels, though. So I'll try, but I can't make any promises."

Sasha blinked, "I understood half of that."

Martin laughed and held out his hand for Sasha to take, "Yeah. We have lots to talk about."

Sasha took it, and Martin took a deep breath. Focusing on the sense of belonging he felt in the Archives (cliche, he knows, not his fault his patron is a sucker for the power of love), and pulled himself and Sasha out. They did not find themselves with Tim and Jon. They did, however, find themselves in the tunnels, staring at the year-old corpse of Gertrude Robinson with three bullets in her chest and a sickening lack of eyes. They both screamed and ran out of the room as fast as possible. They ran fast, not bothering to look behind them and not even noticing the lack of worms, only stopping to breathe when they flew out of the trapdoor into the Archives.

Sasha was the first to speak, panting with both fear and exhaustion, "Was that?"

"Yes," Martin responded, trembling quite a bit himself.

"Do you know who?"

"Who else? Elias."

#the magnus archives #tma #tma fic #fanfic #tma martin #tma elias #martin blackwood #elias bouchard #Sasha’s in it but it’s not really a fic about her and I ain’t about to Sasha bait #lonelyeyes #jonmartin #lonely!martin #I stg if I decide to make this a full thing (probably not I’m not good at commitment) there will be timsasha cuz it’s me #tw swearing #tw abuse ment #the word kink is written #this is all just a little passive agressive so if that’s something that will upset you take care of yourself

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brittie-frog · 3 years

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I watched the Prom yesterday, watched the musical today and are now reqatching to compare and here are my thoughts:

- Oh we love the heteronormativity of straights only and having to wear suits for guys and dresses for girls

- Off the get go I hate James Corden playing a stereotypical gay guy. You found two actually gay actors for Sheldon and Trent but not a third??

- I do appreciate the bi flag behind the Eleanor on the outside of the theater

- I will forever see Kevin as Bertram

- I love long running gags and the Julliard one is hilarious

- Angie be walking like Saru with the swaying hands behind her back

- I do miss the line about the electoral college and Barry being pained by "Trump"

- the changing off lyrics to be more PC is obvious now and do prefer the musical for being allowed to say more shit

- also appreaticate casting two pretty queer leads especially Ariana Debose cause I remember rewatching Hamilton just to keep an eye on her as the Bullet

- I do love Emma's obnoxious clothing in the movie with no one style choice and the rainbow bag strap

- why did they add in the extra scenes for the stars instead of, you know, the main teens of the story??

- I would hate to be Emma having to sit on the stage while my right to go to prom gets debated and my girlfriend sits in the front row, the child of the lead homophobe

- Also Indiana is a part of America and have to listen to their laws and values have they taken a history or geography class??

- it's a prom with two homosexuals out of how many going?? like imagine if my hs friendship group of 10 queers were at a school like this then I'd understand cause majority were homophobes in my town

- also it IS a student matter cause its their celebration so they choose whether they go to the 'gay' prom or not. Why do PTA's exist?? So glad we don't have them in England

- I do love the music and lyrics

- Tom Hawkins being too weak to stand up to singing Dee Dee

- I do hate them for cutting down the best/the most ridiculous (acceptance song) songs to add that entire plot line with Barry

- Dee Dee's wish is a fucking mood

- I dont like that in the movie Tom tells Dee Dee Emma got kicked out without her there and really without the need to cause no one mentioned her parents. It just seems weird he's telling someone else's story basically unprompted

- I dont mind that they shortened You Happened but its that they shortened the gays bit but kept the straights over the top prom-posals complete

- again with the added scenes but glad it resulted in seeing Emma in that hideous number

- why get that many limos is a waste of money just carpool with your friendship group

- doing the two proms is so fucked up and then at the conference saying its because she would have been in danger from homophobes as if she wasn't the one to set it all up I dont give a fuck I hate Mrs. Greene

- I miss the cat onsie but also the panic and wonder as a middle aged woman dances is an accurate wlw experience. Honestly if Nicole Kidman came to my house, ate ice cream with me and did Zazz in front of me I'd do whatever she asked

- Ahh the scenes! I can watch without knowing the backstory of Dee Dee's divorce and I can't sit through emotional scenes of Corden playing a gay cause (I know its acting and anyone can play anyone) but knowing that the real life fear and those thoughts of not being accepted arent reflected in the actor just feels really... wrong

- love they kept in the urinal cake research

- "your father might come back" is an insane amount of pressure took put on your 'impressionable' child like seriously it's a miracle Alyssa turned out the way she did

- I keep getting Kaylee and Shelby mixed up in my head cause I now see Shelby as blonde haired cause of the Wilds

- we do love Shelby for having that quick of a change of heart

- but that fact that me (who is joked to be the unemotional one, very rarely crying and never at the same scene twice) gets teary eyed every time I listen to Unruly Heart shows that representation matters

- Alyssa rewatching the video over and over again, missing her ex is a fucking mood

- "the world's changed, sure it's not great" is so accurate and I love it

- I do prefer the idea that Greene just storms in alone rather than with the entire PTA as if all the parents can just drop what their doing to go be homophobic

- they are obviously allowed to swear more in the musical so I miss all the random 'fucks' in the middle of sentences but mostly Emma's 'Holy Shit' when Alyssa tells her she loves her

- the "you're going to lose your daughter" from Barry when Greene went to argue no longer there because he's made up with his mum just kinda changes the scene and the emotions

- because of that change Alyssa's reaction is different with her just crying on Emma's shoulder but I would have preferred the "i think I just came out in front of my mom" no matter what to change the tone back to a comedy

- I love that its a bunch of queers including trios then the four straights at the back like no one else at the school had a change of heart

- I love the look Alyssa gives to Dee after seeing her mum like "do I have to??" Getting a look of support then saying okay and walking over

- the fact that everyone is stood in a circle around them like this is the event they came to see like 'will the homophobic mum be accepting or not??'

- but I do like that that plot line of is Alyssa accepted is resolved in the movie

Do I prefer the musical to the movie?? Most definitely. With all that said will I be rewatching the film?? Absolutely.

#the prom film #the prom #the prom review #the prom 2020

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bow-woahh · 4 years

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She-Ra season 5 thoughts

A chaotic summary of my feelings/ reactions of each episode! Spoilers. Obviously.

Episode 1 — Horde Prime

- First of...Adora stop throwing yourself into battle challenge - "You're not She-Ra anymore" — TELL HER SIS - The way Catra was so smug but Glimmer was not having any of it "You're just as alone as I am" if that ain't the truth idk what is - Catra wanting the climb up the ranks? Sis I don't think so let's see how long that lasts - The DINNER pissed me the fuck OFF - Oh yeah here's my obligatory SW FUCK OFF CHALLENGE - Micah, King, glare at her!! Yes!! - The way Scorpia said "Catra thought my singing was annoying" honey - That clone was SO annoying stfu about Prime being omniscient and omnipresent and shit like ugH idC - Bow and Adora are the BROTP - Scorpia stinging Adora to keep her safe - and that's on friendship - The way Prime INSTANTLY called Catra out "Adora means something to you" listen I hate the gay but damn he's smart. He saw right through her act. - "Adora chose her side and I chose mine" that doesn't mean you don't still care Catraaa - Also that was REALLL quick lmaoo the way five seconds she was like "imma climb up the ranks" then in about two secs HP was like "sis I have no use for you" - "What are you going to do to me?" IM CRYING - Adora and those weird flashback PTSD things -- are u okay sis?? - This was the first episode and I already want to cry so....wow

Episode 2 — Launch

- Adora omg she's so fatigued girl S L E E P - Bow getting pissed at everyone for not letting her rest...what a king - Catra disobeying HP and talking back to that clone but then HP took its form...fuck man that shit scary - STOP CALLING HER LITTLE SISTER CHALLENGE JESUS FUCK - Everyone hates Entrapta wow ouch - Literally Entrapta being horny over robots is hilarious lmaoo - Mermista is a great leader and they worked so well together ahhh! I'm loving Scorpia and Frosta's friendship - Entrapta got the signal!! I'm proud - Adora stop following holograms and illusions challenge - Adora being all like "I don't know my destiny anymore but I know I need to save my friend." LIKE YES HONEY - Glimmer is sO volatile like honey,, did you need to break HP's crystal ball thingy?? DID U?? - also she knows her dad is alive now and that H U R T S ++ I bet she doesn't know the sword is broken so fuckkl - Micah as She-Ra?? something I never knew I needed - SW not being in this episode at all? love that for us - "I reinstate my horray" I LOVE YOU SCORPIA - "Can you stay?" MY FUCKING HEART GLITRA FRIENDSHIP HERE WE COME

Every episode I just feel immense f E AR

Episode 3 — Corridors

- THIS STARTS W BABY CATRA AND ADORA?? NOELLE WHY ARE TRYNA KILL US?? - Catra and Glimmer talking about sleepovers and Adora...damn my heart - Adora and her stupid ponytail 💀 - "I'll never say sorry!" - THE WAY YOUNG CATRA WAS SO JEALOUS EYE— - "There's no one in the entire universe who cares about me." - "Im sorry! For everything." IM SO UPSET WTF - CATRA IS FUCKED BUT SHE SAVED GLIMMER - HP GTFO CHALLENGE - I'm so proud of my baby tho wow... - What the fuck we gone do now? - so much happened in this episode so this is a lot shorter because my brain is numb. Catra is gonna get brainwashed?? isn't she?? - "I want to do that one good thing in my life." IM CRYING Y'ALL

Episode 4 —Stranded

- Adora is like "Catra, Catra?? saved you?? wtaf?” Lmaoo - Bow and Glimmer fighting is hurting my HEART - KYLE HAS A CRUSH ON ROGELIO?? SCORPIA DONE EXPOSED IT AHHH - Swifty tryna contact Adora?? kinda cute - him impersonating everyone was onbrand and kinda funny ngl - The way Adora is like "it's complicated" lmaoo girl everything is w you - I live the star siblings omg yeS - "I have to save someone. Someone I—" omFG ADORA - Adora is S T R O N K - she GLOWED OMFG SHE RA?? IS THAT U?? - BOW AND GLIMMER BEING OKAY?? MAYBE - Etherians really are wilding out here - YESSS THEY JOINING THE REBELLION - "Maybe we'll never be friends like we used to be." Glimmer...I love her sm - "I can't just leave her there. I have to try." Adora actually cares so much about her!! and I love Glimmer being supportive wow we love a queen! - THE BEST FRIEND SQUAD IS BACK TOGETHER!! LETS GOO - "She-Ra is back." Swift Wind is annoying but thank you. thank you for saying that horse.

I literally threw my hoodie across the room and forgot that I did that wow lmao

Episode 5 — Save the Cat

- My friend who's ahead me said wait for episode 5 now I'm fucking S H OO K - this episode name has me shook I can't - its WRITTEN BY NOELLE?? WE'RE FUCKED - I love Wrong Hordak SM what an idiot - Catradora really is gonna be canon wow - WTAF IS THAT SHE IS NOT MY CATRA SHE IS A CLONE her hair tho?? kinda nice - the way HP said "your Catra." like low-key he said gay rights - "You broke my heart. And he has made me whole again." - "We both know I don't matter" and "you're and idiot" "I know" THESE TWO ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER - SHE JUMPED OFF A CLIFF FOR HER - the way she's holding her?? so soft - SHE RA IS LOOKING FLY -- and is she taller?? - "You miscalculated" YES QUEEN I LOVE HER. THAT WHOLE FIGHT SCENE WAS AMAZING - FuCK HORDEP PRIME - Darla is the best Light Hope SUX - the "Hey, Adora" was SO SOFT IM SO HAPPY

That episode really hiT different Catradora is DEFINITELY canon EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU NOELLE

Episode 6 - Taking Control

- Adora. Chill. - Catra's trauma...wow - honestly I have SO MUCH TO SAY and so little at all. - The ending w Catra joining was so cute and all the Catradora interactions are SENDING ME this is the development I need - "Adora. Stay." MY HEART - thank fuck that chip is gone YAY - Entrapta and Catra making up? Catra saying "Thank you and I'm sorry" her least favourite words -- characters DEVELOPMENT - The way Catra blushed when Adora transformed GIRL YOURE GAY - SHERAS POWER IS TOO MUCH SLAY GIRL - Horde Prime FucK off challenge I hate him - Micah tryna be a father figure? cute - the endING FUCK WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT SPINNERALLA??? POOR NETOSSA

okay but where tf is DT, KYLE, LONNIE AND ROGELIO??

my mum is so tired of me screaming lmaoo

Episode 7 — Perils Of Peekabloo

- Catra just SAT on Adora's lap the PDA is unmatched - We love a filler wow - we literally can't trust anyone this shit sucks - SCORFUMA STANS STAY WINNING - Mermista and Seahawk kinda cute tho (the heart eyes) - DT I KNEW IT - CASH KITTEN? EYE—JUST SAY SUGAR MOMMA AND GO - NETOSSA DOESN'T DESERVE THIS - MERMISTA TO - EVERYONE is chipped WTF - DT is a theatre gay through and through - THEY'RE FUCKED WE'RE FUCKED - NOOOO SCORPIA 😭😭😭 - "I'm the muscle, remember?" - SCORPIA'S POWER, HER REACH, IT'S AMAZING - everything is going downhill FAST - "Happy Anniversary" EYE—😭😭😭😭😭

well that sucked What the fuck we gone do now?

Episode 8 - Shot in the Dark

- The soft smile Catra gave Adora while teasing? love that - loving this new squad - the wAY HER TAIL FLUFFED UP SHES SO SCARED MAN - Wrong Hordak is my main g - the LAUGHING!! THE BLUSHING!! EVERYONE CAN SMELL THE GAY TENSION - omg Catra being the brains of the operation?? yes please - "Catra's first mission" THEY'RE SO OBNOXIOUS I LOVE THEM - "I'm going to kill your friends." "Please don't." we are ASCENDING - Casta? Strike her down anyway please 🙏 - Adora is SO WHIPPED the way she blushed at Catra making the door - "It's such a cute sneeze" BOW KNOWS IT CATRA IS CUTE AND THATS THE TEA - literallyyyy I hate SW GTFO CHALLENGE get OFF my screen 😡 - CATRA WHY DID YOU LUNGE AT THAT THING?? - OMFG MAGICAT?? (Nope dumb bitch) - "I'm coming!" "Hurry." - "I'm sorry. I got angry. It's something I'm working on" ADORA GLOWED AND SAID "You are?" WE LOVE SELF GROWTH AHH - It was Catra's hand OMFG IN THE TRAILER - Adora and cat thing being magic? we love it - MELOG IS SO CUTE and Catra can talk to it?? wowow - they love taking strays lmao - Wrong Hordak's character arc is the best one in the show - CATRA HAS AN IDEA?? YES - Preach Casta shut Weaver up - "That about sums it up, yes." I love them as a team - the hand holding? so cutee Catra don't pretend you're not whipped - oml Glimmer kissing Catra before Adora? EYE— Glitra shippers gonna be so happy at that one moment lmaoo - THEY'RE HOMEEEE

ahhh we're getting close to the end nooo

Episode 9 —An ill Wind

- oh god oh god - Catra is so badass with Melog i LOVE HER EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL - having to fight your own wife? that shit sucks - Erelandia? it's free - omg HP is angry asfff - FROSTA CHILL SHE PUNCHED HER HARD - Adora and Catra are soft 🥺 that's all I have to say

Episode 10 — Return to the Fright Zone

- omg are we gonna see Kyle?? Lonnie? Rogelio?? (also nope, stupid hoe) - okay but Netossa getting screentime? YES PLEASE - I love the intro sm ahhhh - also her knowing everyone's weakness? love that shit - ouch Perfuma ouch didn’t have to go so hard on Catra and YET - omg I forgot Bow's dads existed - "Mostly bad memories" 😔😔😔 - competitive gfs for the win - Catra FLEW tho WOW Scorpia is STRONK - the dad jokes are immaculate - "I'm working is being a better friend. That has to count for something right?" - "We don't throw tanks at our friends" sis you don't give flowers to your them at this current time either - "why did I get stuck with the water Princess?" Catra...baby I love you - omg there's a fail safe THANK FUCK I was legit speechless - "There's real power in love and friendship" preACH IT GIRLIE - SCORPIA FIGHT IT YESSS - legit forgot Spinny and Netossa were fighting lmao oof - FINALLY ANGST OVER THE WIVES ARE BACK - omg THE PAN TO ADORA ABOUT BEING VULNERABLE AHHHH - Perfuma is Catra's therapist that's my headcanon - OMFG I FORGOT ABOUT SW FUCK SHIT CATRA BABY IM SORRY

damn I'm stressed out

Episode 11 — Failsafe

- Weaver STFU challenge - them taking about their abuse? we love to see - "We— I could really use your help" KILL ME NOW THEY'RE TOO MUCH - "Not because I like you" she says SMILING - Melog is Catra's affectionate side prove me wrong - Stan Entrapta for clear skin - SW doesn't deserve rights (as per usual) - DONT TOUCH HER BITCH LITERALLYYYY WHYYY - and now She Ra is glitching?? fuck - Catra is so jumpy eye— "Trust Me" MY HEART SBSBDB - Weaver really called her a DISTURBANCE STFU 💀💀💀 - Entrapta and bird horse ftw what a tag team - OMG NO BE CAREFUL - "Did you just jump in fire to save me?" SHE WAS SO SMUG - can SW burn like... now? - "It's none of your business" LITERALLY BUTT OUT - "Catra, she distracts you, confuses you." WEAVER I FUCKING HATE YOU SM I FUCKING I WILL PUNCH MY SCREEN - Entrapdak being a thing? I do not know how to feel - "Your imperfections are beautiful." I am.... conflicted - SW doesn't deserve screen time - Catra is an i no cap (I genuinely have no clue what I meant so sorry about that) - i think the fuck not - this episode is so stressful - Catra saving Adora >>>>>>>>> - what an awful reunion for Glimmer damn - "It doesn't always have to be you!" IKR IT SHOULD BE WEAVER - fuck dark magic fuck it all - Catra's upset?? no my baby 🥺 - this whole episode is just traumatising - Adora's heart do be glowing - Catra's LEAVING?? why?? - "What do you want Adora?" - MY HEART BEEN BROKE SO MANY TIMES I DONT KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE 😭😭 - omg this time instead of Adora leaving it's Catra (you are a dumbass DUH) - that H U R T S - ADORA TELL HER YEs QUEEN

omg HEART NEXT???

Episode 12 — Heart Part 1

- I am not prepared for this - Adora...baby I'm so sorry - Glimbow moment with a banjo?? that was cute - Adora really is a party popper - "Adora doesn't want me. Not like I want her." AND THAT'S ON LESBIANISM BUT ALSO FUCKING OUCH - but really Catra...do you really think Adora doesn't want you? girl are youb B L I N D?? - Wrong Hordak is MY GUY - Stan the rebellion for clear skin - NOOO WHAT THE FUCK MY HEART DON'TPLAY WITH ME LIKE THAT THEY NEARLY KISSED AND IT WAS A FUCKING SIMULATION - real Catra be CAREFUL - "We have to warn Adora" YES SIS WARN YOUR GF - "I thought I could make my own destiny" U STILL CAN SIS - I'm scared I'm fucking scared - my HEART IS BEATINGG FASTT - I really hate Horde Prime uhhhhhhhgg - for once in your sorry life do something good Weaver jfc - "I can't leave her behind again" - BEST FRIEND SQUAD + MELOG YES - "Bow, I love you." GLIMBOW IS BACK ON AHHH - BUT AT WHAT COST??? (literally what am I saying??) - "You deserve love too." AND THAT'S ON PERIODT - Glimmer coming in clutch!! - Mermista and Seahawk do be cute tho - Micah is actually the worst rn wow - "Goodbye, my oldest enemy" CATRA COME QUICK AHH

the last episode....I'm not ready to say goodbye

Episode 13 — Heart Part 2

- ofc this is written by Noelle - "Hey, Adora" MY HEART - "I'll catch up okay? Get to the heart." - SW ACTUALLY DIED?? THANK YOU MY GIRLS CAN HEAL NOW

andd that's as far as I got before freaking the fuck out with everything that was happening onscreen but THE CATRADORA KISS WAS EVERYTHING and the ending was perfect 🥺💖

—

Thank you Crew-Ra, Noelle for making such a beautiful and heartwarming show, this will be remembered for years to come because what this show did was incredible and unlike anything I've ever watched.

#she ra #catra spop #adora spop #spop spoilers #spop s5

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themostexpensiveboningknife · 3 years

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2020

Failed party, money in drawer, communicate, move house, move boxes, drive in van, walk to shops, buy noodles, think it’s the end, see whole bus of soldiers in Beijing, new area, walk in darkness, think about leaving, leave, think its temporary, in taxi, post stupid photos, check and check again phone, think people with goggles on my plane are over reacting, take off my mask to eat, keep taking off to loosen, arrive back in London. Tube. Cold. Pub. Party at WeWork. Exhibition at Dulwich Gallery. Farringdon. Drugs and drinks. Brockley, South east London. DJ. Ethiopian food. Morley’s Peckham. Walking on the River. Photographer friend’s house. Canal cycle. National Gallery. Car crash, Dalston. Omar Souleyman. Corsica Studios. Meet girl, back to my friends, back to hers, sex. Morning up to mum’s best friends birthday, Covent Garden restaurant. In a van, Sunday roast. Chisenhale Gallery. arebyte Gallery. Getting worse in China, seems nice and easy and calm in England. Camberwell beers and more. Second-hand book shops, Charing Cross Road. Courtauld. Leafed through a book about a man who lived his entire 86.5 years in East London. Still talking to the same girl back in China. Both believe I’ll be back soon. Chicken wings. West London, meal. South London pub. DJing somewhere inside. Kent, see grandma. Rave, Bermondsey. Friends from Israel and Germany arrive. More drinks, more drugs. Mixing friends. Gay bar in Bethnal Green for old friend’s birthday. Acid, confused and hilarious. Tate Britain. Serpentine. Cranes on the bridge. Liverpool Street film screening. Feels shallow, but good. Begin regular E Pellici sojourns. Primrose Hill with Dad. Beer festival with Keaton and co. Peckham, school friend’s house, bad vibe. More drinks, more drugs. Working on first music compilation with Slowcook and Fafa. Begin watching all of the Studio Ghibli movies. Watching Breaking Bad. At some point have huge argument with my brother, it went like this: He came home from work and I was sitting watching Breaking Bad, he asks, “Have you been like that all day?” I either took it in the wrong way or picked up on a sly dig. It was probably me, but at this point I was pretty self-conscious and worried about going back to China and whether or not I would have a job back there. Was getting surprisingly pissed off with my brother mentioning his work, felt like an affront to me. Weird. He goes crazy (he has a short fuse), punching a wall, ready to fight me. My mum is pretty upset. A few days later I go into his room and try to patch things up. Turns into a deeper chat. He feels like I haven’t been a good brother to him, he gives the example of not looking out for him on his first days of school. I say I’m sorry, it’s because I’m a bit scared and insecure. In retrospect I regret a little laying so much weakness on the table, seems his interactions/ways of acting around me have changed a bit. Still not sure how I feel about it all. Considered getting a gold tooth with Matthew. Play with cats, enjoying them more and more. Rave in Dalston, good music from Asia and beyond. Looking at magazines. Not doing much work at all. Being out and about instead. Go to Norfolk. It’s beautiful, but get way too drunk on first night, sick everywhere, wake up naked in sick. Massive fucking shitshow. Majority of people there have no choice but to act weirdly around me now, which is understandable. Still some nice aspects. One girl there surely hates me a lot. Tate Modern. Art stuff by self is good. Corsica Studios, semi-art, semi-music event. Mr. Bao for first time of many. Radio in Tottenham. Take drugs. Pubs. Drive to Asda with brother to stock up on food. It’s March and the reality of the pandemic is hitting. More canal cycling. First and only group chat on Zoom. BH Funk. Probably have taken cocaine and messaged one of three or four girls numerous times by now. If there’s one, in the cold light of day, horrible and disgusting thing I’ve done too much this year it’s this. Incessant messaging of poor girls that I know will react (although increasingly they don’t, I manage to alienate even close friends in this way). Southbank and The Mall with Nick. Reading about Wuhan. List of good texts. Continuing to do some writing. Making WeChat posts for guī WeChat, including mix series and miniessays. Greenwich park with Matthew. Grime quiz online. Delivering food regularly for my mum’s school. Hackney Marshes with Luan. Epping Forest with Mum and Dad. By this point probably have woken up feeling sorry for myself in Ludo’s flat, after untold amounts of alcohol and cocaine. Online rave. Beijing artists only mix. Go to Switzerland, pass through Italy on the way. Its breath taking, the mountains, the expanse of scenery, not used to it. Climbing up mountains with no one around. Rolo and Patrick and Rita smoke too much weed. I really, really, really still hate smoking it. Feel a bit annoyed how long we spend sitting around while they smoke, but this is way outbalanced by the uniqueness of where we are and the beauty all around. Producing more and more, actually getting somewhere. Cooking more and more food. Reading more and more, like: Black and British, The Corrections, Real Fast Food, Bass, Mids, Tops, Zadie Smith, Olivia Lang, Graham Greene, JG Ballard, Monica Ali, Mo Yan, Jenny Zhang, John le Carre, Naked Lunch, Nabokov, Bukowski, Zora Neale Hurston, Wiley, Bitcoin, Murakami, Judith E. Butler, The Painter of Modern Life, Maupassant, Chekov, Video Art, Gravity’s Rainbow (couldn’t finish), Anaïs Nin, The Net Delusion (couldn’t finish), The Establishment and how they got away with it (couldn’t finish), Roddy Doyle, The Secret of Scent, General Intellects, Women In Love, The Intelligent Investor, Lyndon Johnson. Victoria Park more often than I can remember. To Chrissy’s house. Mile End Park. Very regularly sitting on the river in Wapping. Bring the chessboard and play Ludo sometimes, people smile and look at you differently when you’re playing chess and drinking beers versus just sitting and drinking beer. I May Destroy You. Industry. The beautiful wide expanse of Hackney Marshes. My incessant quest to reach 1000 followers in Instagram. More cycling, and I hate to say it but it really was: Here there and everywhere. Margate with my Dad to see my grandma in hospital and saw the Turner Prize exhibition. Light blue like scrubs, the sky and sun felt eternal. Swimming in dirty water. Make a DJ mix of old 2000s Road Rap. Eat cheese in Peckham. Cycle along the canal north, keep going and going through Tottenham, past Enfield keep going, it’s mad how quickly it becomes quiet fields on all sides, arrive to some kind of lake, swim and then back to the centre of town. Outside a Hawksmoor church in Shadwell ate chicken with Karim and Ludo. DJing. From my bedroom window saw a big crane in the middle of the night sitting on the canal. Begin developing the second DCCY compilation this time with BULLY magazine. Go to a house in an old school in Camberwell. Discover new secret riverside spots in East London. Finally give up my apartment in Beijing. Mile End park. Cycle further and further East to a pedestrian bridge I didn’t know existed. Get onto the beach and into the Thames water. Interview Akito. Begin writing more, after few months of wiling away the summertime. My friend Emmy gets married in Rwanda, I give him some money as a wedding gift which he tells me he used to buy his wife’s dress. Protests in HK always on TV. Get more into finances, crypto and trading, and just saving in general. Had sex with an old friend. Now meeting a girl I first knew years ago in Beijing. More secret river spots. Keaton has his baby, Noah. More times on Hackney Marshes. Barbican conservatory. Watching more films, try to watch all the films of some directors including: Jia Zhangke, Bong Joon-ho, Edward Yang, Wong Kar-wai, Apichatpong Weerasethakul. Decide to watch all of the infamous lauded series, go through Breaking Bad, The Wire and The Sopranos. Go to the seaside for a few days, camping also. Henry Wu album launch in a car park in Bermondsey. Go to visit Keaton’s baby for the first time. Good photography exhibition at Photographer’s Gallery. Go to Wallace Collection again. August. Go to Berlin. Swimming in Berlin lakes until I get an ear infection. It makes me drowsy and lethargic, but still seems to spend all my time cycling around the city. On one night cycle for hours to a rave on the outskirts of the city. Like a lot the abandoned airport in Berlin. Oh yeah, vaping. Found a dead bumble bee. Speak with Nevin about projects. Write a piece about the future of the art world for a magazine being started by Nevin’s friend in Canada. Go to Lithuania. Walk around Vilnius, get too drunk by myself. Get to the Curonian Spit and Nida, beaches and new friends. For the Nightlife Residency project. For a short while life is like on a desert island of new food, new people, new locations, quiet and new meaning. Go to the Russian border on the beach. Cycle to the road boarder and get stopped by the police. Go nude on the beach for the first time. Sauna, sand dunes and forests. DJ out for the first time in ages, this time with Nono. To Kaunus and try nice and stodgy Georgian food for the first time. Hackney Wick back for party. Meet a ginger girl online and go on a date. Wallace Collection again. Free beer and pizza. White Cube. National Gallery, Titian. On BBC Radio London with my Dad. Riverside beers. Saw a lost swan near my front door. Meet Keaton near his work, one of many times. Making more and more music, getting better. Decide I need more organisation and clarity, put everything I’ve done on a blog. More or less long since given up on my job at M Woods. But don’t really begin looking for anything new because it’s still sunny. At some point I start getting benefits money. Go to see La Haine in the cinema. Someone blocks me on WeChat because of me. Some pub somewhere. Sunday walks and breakfast with my parents. Go to an exhibition in Woolworth Road with Muzi. Realise how nice it is to run to Victoria Park along the canal. Vicky Park in general. Dinners at friends’ houses. Museum of London. Walking with Michael in some countryside near London, surprising how quickly things turn green. Break onto a pier in Wapping with Jack. Battersea Park. Tate, Bruce Nauman. Old Street Weatherspoon’s with Keaton, drugs. Central London cemetery. Chinese in Camberwell. Chinese in Aldgate. Italian in Camberwell. More and more exercise, running, weights and yoga with my brother. Sadie Coles. Nick, Central London. Gucci Mane. Hampstead Heath more because Ludo and his flatmates are nearby. Ludo’s now house more for days and nights of you guessed it. Borough Market more, with Emma. Alexandra Palace walk and famous sandwiches after. Tate Britian new lights. More time at Muzi’s. Signing up for cycle courier. LYL Radio show. Shave head. Take acid and it hurts my stomach. Camden Arts Centre with Muzi. Christmas party with friends. Birthday. Cake with Muzi, presents and Indian takeaway from family, walk in Vicky Park with Ludo and Karim plus battered sausage and chips. Christmas at home nice and warming meal. Evening to Ludo’s place with more friends. Boxing day with Matthew, pints and then more at his house in Peckham all night long. Next day is tough! Giant turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey curry. Buy first NFTs. New Year’s Eve stay in at Muzi’s, one drink and a cake.

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idio-cies · 4 years

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Right, I need to go on a rant because lockdown is still getting to me and I am fed up with the same comments I hear every time I allude to my sexuality (mostly ace) towards my family.

So story time: today my Nana was showing my mum about princess Gertrude or something being married in an old Ball gown of the Queen's and how it was altered a bit and as an a fly away comment of me being pedantic I said "having a wedding dress is over-rated anyway" to which my mum gave a mock shocked face saying that of course I would say something like that (My family joke about me being cold-hearted as I don't cry at sad films or books, and can just lack empathy to certain things). So I laughed to continue the joke but what I intended was that you know why a dress? Women can be married in suits or two-pieces if they wish? Like what's the fuss. Oh hell, the men could wear flounces! Also upcycling yay for the environment! So I continued, starting to say the colour, my mum saying about how my older sister will be in Ivory and I said "Come on, that's off white! But I mean Chinese get married in red" and she continued "in India they get married in all sorts of colours" and I said "exactly! Why white?" And she said before I could continue "I suppose you would get married in black" so I scrunched up my face and said "if I ever get married" and then came the usual "you might not say that as you get older" you know. That golden nugget of a line that is told to many people who are aro/ace or whatever the identify as. Some people just do not wish to be married. I also said "whats the point in having a dress you only wear once, anyway" which, as I expected was returned with "you could pass it on to your children". My mum continued saying how her best friend used to think like me and now is married and has had two children, then she left to go do something. My Nana then joined in saying how I don't want to not give my mum grandkids, to which I shrugged, she continued saying how what if my husband didn't wanted kids what would I do then? This is when I started to get mad but with this situation I always try and brush everything over considering I know from experience how things will go (will get brushed with the aforementioned comments, stereotypes etc). So I shrugged and said "well then it wasn't meant to be" in my head I was thinking what if I don't want a husband, what if I have a wife, or a partner who identifies as non-binary or genderfluid? What if I just never marry, or just live the rest of my life with my friends? What if, if I do change my mind about kids, I adopt. But I couldn't say that. My nana continued by saying "well, I guess you wouldn't marry if that was the case" and I'm just sat there stewing.

See, my problem here is that my parents certainly are more liberal, and the reason why I make jokes that allude to me being ace is because they have also made jokes about saying how they probably will never have grand kids, or that I don't go for that sort of thing and I had hope. My sister is a lesbian and they knew for ages and still love her and want the best for her, but my mum never understood why my sister was so hesitant to come out and I explained to her how people coming out always have that fear, that even if their parents or their friends are liberal, they still may not be fully accepted for who they are. Plus, my sister has had bad experiences with friends being homophobic or use her in the face of her coming out, but my mum took this explanation as me hiding something about myself.

When I had my first boyfriend a year ago my mum thought the perfect time to bring up sex would be as she placed food in front of me. I legit choked on my food and as she continued I had to tell her right there and then that I believed myself to be ace and she had nothing to worry about and she didn't understand, so I had to explain. This was the first proper time I heard her deflect that "I might change my mind". When I stayed overnight at his, my dad was teasing me asking whether I needed rubbers and kept on asking me. The thing is, it was always jokey but I'm pretty sure he was concerned. Then my sister thought more happened between him and I when he broke up with me, indicating that we probably had sex, because of how upset I was over it all. I'm pretty sure a couple of my friends thought that too. However, one of my friends said what I was thinking which was that part of the reason why he broke up with me was because I wouldn't have sex with him which was the case considering when I told him that my dad joked about getting rubbers he asked me if I did all excited and I said no with a confused expression like "we've been over this, I thought you understood" and he looked away disheartened with an "oh" thats when I think I knew this wasn't right. To be fair I should've known about "oh, so you're a celibate" and loads of other things like believing I liked something when I didn't or I wasn't sure so ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ I was young and it was my first boyfriend so you know, I was naive. The reason why I was so broken-hearted was because I'm pretty sure it was because I was ace, and because of that I felt like I would never be loved, or respected. What's more is he tried to take advantage of my friend when they were together whilst she was drunk! So he is just a huge dickhead anyway.

Anyways, I guess for my grandparents to understand is trickier and as far as I'm aware they don't know that I said to my mum who probs told my dad that I'm ace. I always get told that they won't change. My grandad I think still believes my sister isn't fully gay by the fact that he refuses to say "girlfriend" and also slander her girlfriend a bit, and he never believed she showed signs, though why should that matter if she "showed signs"? And my Nana said she did and is a little more accepting of my sister's girlfriend (btw, this is not my older sister who is getting married). I hate being told that people who are older (especially my grandparents) won't change their minds or see things differently. I don't understand how people can go through life like that? But I guess that's because I'm a more open-minded person who makes sure I have several perspectives on certain things.

The thing now though is that I'm scared that I'm under the category of ace where the stereotype is that I'm a robot because I lack empathy and am cold-hearted and such. I know that for my Nana and also for my Nanny that they ended up abandoning their careers for the sake of raising a family and for me, that just feels like an epic loss. I also think that my grandparents first impression of my mum was not approving as she had a baby when she was 20 out of wedlock and had an abusive partner.

After this spiel, if you are still with me, I just want to let you know that this is life is complicated. Heck, I even queried about my best friend being ace, but I think that is because I never thought someone so close to me could have the same feelings about that topic and also because I am constantly questioning myself, probably because I have had "oh, you may change your mind when you're older" most of my life. Oh, I know I could, but for what feels my entire life (when I gained consciousness of myself and was making choices for myself without having this stereotyped life conditioned in my brain) was that I never personally want to have kids. Ever. I understand I may change my mind and if I do I will adopt because I would like to think that I could make a child's life better, and also we have a dense enough population as it is. I do not care if I have a partner with me in my life. I can quite easily get by independently in life. I'm not adverse to having a partner, whoever/whenever/and whatever status it may be.

What I find hilarious though is that I'm very nonchalant about my sexuality, but I do not wish to tell my gay sister that I am queer on some scale. She has had too many run-ins of me slipping to say that I'm not straight or my friend legit said a joke about how my hair is as straight as me (it's curly) because I have made that joke around her before about myself. TERRIFIED. She has jokingly confronted me about it as well and I remained nonchalant as I always do.

So I guess what I'm trying to say that even though people can be liberal in mind, it is always tricky to tell your family and (after stereotypes and assumptions have been placed on me) friends. I have even had a friend who told me that basically I wasn't ace sinply because I didn't know how to answer him in something related to do with sex. I AM ALMOST 19, I DO NOT HAVE MY LIFE FIGURED OUT. I AM STILL QUESTIONING MY OWN EXISTENCE LET ALONE MY SEXUALITY/ORIENTATION.

I would love to go through my life with no labels whatsoever. Whether I'm female, that I'm ace, or that I'm most likely pan. I've always been weird with labels. I simply do not care about that, but I also care about it too much. I do not want societal pressure to tell me that I need a partner in my life, that I need to have children in order to be happy and be worth something. That is not what makes a life. I want people to understand this, especially my family, but I'm afraid they won't even if they are aware that they know it's not for all people. The life I want is to be with the people I love and I can trust and engage with. That I am successful and can stand up for who and what I believe in. So this is my message to people out there. Take all the time in the world to discover who you are. Whether you prefer labels for it or not. To not let societal pressure get to you too much. I know it's hard and the nature of the world and its people are complex, but please be true to yourself and I'm sure you will find your people and your way in life.

#this has been a milly spiel #lgbtqa+#ace #asexual #asexuality #life #im sorry this is so long #story time #life is not easy #personal

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disasterbialert · 3 years

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Hello! I’m still mostly in the void but I’m briefly popping to talk (gush, I’m totally gonna gush) about my fave shows I discovered/brought me joy in 2020! Lots of folks are doing this and I thought it was a really sweet trend so I thought I’d jump on too!

2020 was a lot (obviously) but it was particularly huge for me for a few reasons. I’m not gonna talk too much bc y’all are here for soft queers not Trauma™️, but basically several things happened at once that led to me being pretty devastated and very lost. Hurt, raw, and frightened, I didn’t think I had anywhere to go or anyone to talk to. And then, boom! Fandom and tumblr and twitter and ao3. And suddenly I found tenderness, learned I was allowed that tenderness and affection, that it was ok to seek it, to want it. It was ok to be gentle, to be soft, to be vulnerable. That others felt this way too. That I was safe. So, thank you, beautiful friends and strangers in this nebulous space. My gratitude is boundless and heartfelt.

Ok hah emotions what? ANYWAY. Without further ado and in no particular order, fave shows Let’s go!

1. The Untamed/陈情令/Chén Qíng Lìng/Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation/魔道祖师/Mó Dào Zǔ Shī

THIS SHOW. WOW. This show, the novel and every adaptation, and this fandom have been life-changing. In every way. I started watching cql end of may/beginning of june I think? I binged it in about two weeks. Then I re-watched it with my mum as she experienced it for the first time. THEN we both re-watched it. Soulmates. They’re married and they have a son. Disaster bisexual representation. Found families again and again and again. The cast, the music, the costumes, the sets—everything about this show is breathtaking. I am in awe of everything the creators managed to do. What an incredible experience this show was. And I am so grateful to the fandom, from deep-dive metas to fascinating cultural explorations to equal-parts soft, fluffy, spicy, horny, tender, hilarious fics and fan art. That this fandom has also become a space for me to explore my own queerness, my own identity and my sense of personhood, is truly an unexpected and wonderful gift. Seriously. This show and this fandom—what an absolute gift.

2. 2Gether/เพราะเราคู่กัน /Still 2Gether/เพราะเรา(ยัง)คู่กัน

My first foray into Asian dramas/queer dramas and WOW was it a really bloody good one. My eternal gratitude to Chai (@/proyearner) on twitter for one off-hand comment about a Thai drama on YouTube. Cue snowball. The softness? The hilarity? The hurt/comfort? The fake-dating? The subtle sweetness of BrightWin’s acting? The utter chaos of Man and Boss? EarnPear definitely being canon (no i don’t care that it’s not actually IT IS OK). This show and its sequel were a gosh-darn bloody Win for they gays. And also my entry into queer fandom—something I’ve never truly felt or even really been a part of, despite being out and involved in literally studying queer literature and media for many years. So, thank you Thai BL fandom, thank you Sarawatine, thank you Chai.

3. Where Your Eyes Linger/너의 시선이 머무는 곳에 (series AND film)

The Tenderness. Good grief. I waited until every episode was out and then watched them all. Then when the film was out, I re-watched both. I could wax poetic about this show, about the actors, about the characters, about the writing, about the music, about the editing, about the fight choreography holy shit, but honestly? The above gif encapsulates it pretty entirely: the power of gaze and where it lingers.

4. Guardian/镇魂/Zhèn Hún

Oh my whole heart went to this show and this gorgeous ensemble and the music fuck. Zhu Yilong is phenomenal holy shit. And his and Bai Yu’s chemistry is insane. I’m of the firm belief they paved the way for cql in terms of handling censorship bc WOW. This show was censored and yet everything—ten thousand years of Yearning and Devotion, Love and Tenderness—was so fucking palpable. I cared about everyone: every side character in every case, every villain. And the fact that every character in SID was given their own arc and the actors portrayed them so fucking incredibly. I barely breathed through the majority of Chu Shuzhi’s arc because holy shit Jiang Mingyang blew me away. And Gao Yuer as Zhu Hong? Fucking WOW. I went into this series thinking it was just gonna be a nice fantasy/sci-fi bromance with a sad ending I was going to have to put up with and came out the other side yelling about WeiLan being married with a cat son and I regret nothing.

5. Until We Meet Again/ด้ายแดงซีรีส์

This series cracked me wide open. I cried just about in every episode (obviously) but I specifically remember watching the episode where Pharm meets In’s sister/Dean’s grandma and the music soaring (THIS SONG FUCK https://open.spotify.com/track/7c7FfcuwwGmriy72YAQrud?si=q6Sk871BQPKJIYc4xCYHlg) and my whole heart just breaking and my then partner asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t even speak. I was so overwhelmed with feeling. This show broke my heart but then carefully, gently held me, and allowed time to sit with my cathartic grief. Beautiful, powerful, humbling. An extremely banal but nonetheless important for me plus was the fact that I adored each of the ships equally. So often I find I myself loving side ships more than main ships but this show was so outstanding and the actors did such an incredible job that I just loved them all. An absolute gift.

Honourable mentions: My Engineer; Gaya Sa Pelikula; Together With Me; Love By Chance; HIStory3: Trapped; HIStory2: Crossing the Line; TharnType; She-Ra and the Princesses of Power; Legend of Korra; The Dragon Prince; The Good Place; One Day At A Time; Russian Doll; and Glow.

Bless queer fandom! And my eternal gratitude to translators everywhere—y’all are phenomenal and such a gift!! This year I’d love for more GL dramas and more queer ladies/enbies as well! Not that I don’t love my soft boys!! But I’d k-word/d-word for a lesbian warrior drama or a queer ladies time travel/loop drama or queer enbies vibing on adventures! So here’s to you, 2021: may you not be nearly as shitty, and may you instead be filled with more queerness, more love, more happy endings, more tenderness ♥️

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dxmedstudent · 4 years

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As a longterm single person... or a person who was single for long times during parts of my life, I’m usually very onboard with shifting the focus. But it feels like this entire article is a lazy missed opportunity. It somehow manages to alienate me even though I really, really want to be able to agee with it. For a start, the article does nothing to address that yes, society does highly value romantic relationships at the expense of other meaningful relationships, and pressures people - particularly young women, to conform to the expectation to be in one. The expectation to be in a relationship and how we are treated when we’re not in one goes far beyond people valuing sex. I’ve talked about this at length before, so I’ll skip over that part for now. It doesn’t even touch on how ace or aro people experience such a ban - you don’t have to be in love or having sex to miss a significant other - the key is in the ‘significant’ bit.

“And while I know there could be some troubling long-term consequences to this legal accident, I can’t help but feel that the frustration of many is misplaced.”

No. This is your first mistake. People are allowed to be frustrated that such a rule renders physically continuing intimate relationships if you live apart illegal. People are allowed to be frustrated that they can go to primark, risk coronavirus at work, use the tube, but aren’t allowed to hug their GF. Hell, people are allowed to just be annoyed they can’t go to the pub. It might not be a priority, but I wouldn’t write in whining about how other people miss something that I am not personally fussed about. “It means we can’t go to the pub, to a party, or to a friend’s house to sit on the sofa with a bottle of wine laughing our heads off; we can't have our families round for Sunday roast; we can’t even go inside if it starts to rain during one of the permitted back garden gatherings of six.”

But fundamentally, we can have a party. We can see 6 friends or family outside. We can share food with them. We can use the bathroom. We will soon be allowed to start going to establishments to eat and drink. However rather hilariously, the article somehow manages to paint sitting on someone’s sofa as equally (or more) important than romantic and physical intimacy with a life partner. Who cares that some people haven’t been able to see their intimate partner at all, much less so much as hold hands in 3 months, when I wanna sit on someones sofa!

I get it. These rules are still wildly different to our usual lives. You’re right, it sucks that we also can’t enjoy platonic touch. Hugging a friend, patting someone on the back. Just being able to be indoors and have a meal. But the rules let us live out a much closer approximaiton of life with friends - which is a start. Now, I have friends who run the full tactile spectrum from ‘absolute huggers’ to ‘don’t touch me’. I miss a good hug or just being able to sit beside each other, but for the most part I can easily enjoy most of what I can do with friends under the current rules. Apart from sit around playing board games together, cos you can’t do that 2m apart and it’d be less than ideal to do outside. This has still had a big impact on our social lives - particularly if you live apart from friends as I do. So I feel you. I can’t just up and drive over to most of my friends’, and even if I did, sitting around outside for a couple of hours wouldn’t be with the long trip. When you’re not allowed indoors or to stay the night it makes the kind of socialising many of us do much harder. It’s the same for me seeing my family, too. So I get it. It’s just that being banned from being within 2m of someone has a much bigger impact if you’re in a romantic relationship. Because physicality (and not just sex), and spending lots of time together is a bigger part of the deal when it comes to having a significant other. Many people aren’t overly physically affectionate with friends - I know many people who barely do beyond a handshake or stiff hug - and that’s fine. These laws just take away a much bigger dimension from a romantic relationship, than from most platonic ones.

On the Facebook group I run for single people, those who live alone simply want to know when they will be touched again. And by touch I mean simply a pat on the arm, a cuddle from their mum, their best friend holding their hand. These are simple things, but are so important. They matter to people just as much, if not more, as whether they have a 'significant other' sharing their bed - but you wouldn't know that from the discussion around these new rules.

See, this is important, so maybe lead with this? It’s heartbreaing that many of us effectively have been banned from all human physical contact. But that doesn’t mean intimate relationships aren’t important to others - and complaining that those people are commenting on how it affects them is misplaced. Ths is not a competition between whether it’s worse that we can’t hug our friends or our boyfriends. Not being allowed to see an intimate partner is also depriving you of cuddles or simple gestures - a lot more than just sex.And yet the article frequently chooses to frame it as a ban against hookups when it also affects many people in relationships who can’t move in at this point in time. I’ve seen people complain that they can’t spend time with or touch their partners of several years, for example. But actually, we also shouldn’t have to minimise the importance of sex, even in a casual setting. So let’s get onto that. “Those grieving for those they've lost to Covid-19, I’m sure, are far more interested in when they can hold their loved ones than when they can next hook up. Headlines about sex bans must feel particularly grating to them.” News just in: holding your loved ones and sex are mutually exclusive. You know, if any of us lose loved ones, we’ll be heartbroken and it will suck whether we can’t hug our sister who lives far away, or our boyfriend who we don’t live with. Please don’t use cheap emotional blackmail to suggest people can’t miss both or that both can’t be one and the same if you love your partner. I’d argue this probably says a lot about what the author thinks about relationships or sex, but I hope it’s just poor writing. “The uproar about the apparent ban on sex also plays into the rather sixth form idea that absolutely everyone is having loads of sex all the time. God forbid a few of us have to wait a few months for our next chance.” Also, tangential much? People aren’t upset because they can’t go 3 months without sex, they are upset because 3 months in a pandemic without any intimacy with a loved one is hard, especially if you’re in an intimate relationship that got suddenly cut off. Because that person and their support and cuddles is particularly important to you. This is also a weird double standard: It’s apparently OK to be devastated because nobody can give you a hug, but god forbid you are sad about being entirely separated from a significant other against your will. Also, apparently we’re all fantasists playing up how much sex we’re having. I don’t understand why this article comes across as so weridly moralising, but it does. Reducing sex to hooking up is moralising behaviour: and as someone with an interest in sexual health I have to state that it’s not up to you to put a value on sex for someone else. I don’t like it being illegal for me to hug my sister, or ... yes, have sex with my boyfriend- or you know, hug him too since this isn’t about sex alone. But I’m not here to police if someone doesn’t like the rules because they just miss sex. Whoever they have sex with. Sex is a fundamental part of being human for most people. Intimacy is core to many people’s mental health, particularly in a relationship, and that need is valid. Physical intimacy in general is a massive part of intimate relationships. It’s taken decades of progress for people to accept that sex is valid and enriching, not shameful. I’m worried that yes, behind our attitudes lies the still pervasive social attitudes that sex is dirty, wrong, and something for us to police if it doesn’t fit the bounds of what we consider acceptable. We haven’t eliminated harmful attitudes to sex, and the desire that others get to decide if vulerable populations like disabled people or the poor are allowed to have initmate lives. This is about how easily rules can be used to oppress or police others - as they have been in the past. What happens to sex workers? To our LGBTQ friends if someone decides that gay sex is riskier? It’s worth noting that intimacy is only illegal if you live apart - favouring those rich enough to have the space to move in together and the married. The poor, those living with others, those who aren’t ready to take that step, those who rely on sex to make a living - face an entirely different set of rules. It’s worth asking yourself why it’s OK to move in (and risk exposing each other) but not OK to visit the person you’d be allowed to expose all the time. Why it’s OK for the government to draw a line on which relationships matter, and when - and what hoops you have to jump through. This isn’t new - out LGBTQ friends will tell us this was always a thing. But we need to be ever more vigilant as our personal lives are policed more and more. “Nobody is talking about this” is legitimate criticism when we’re talking about a horrifying event people may be unaware of, but lazy writing when we’re talking about something that both evidently affects many people and ... is being discussed. It allows you to fill an article with righteous indignation about how people aren’t doing something rather than just... doing it. As it is, I’ve read multiple articles about people missing grandchildren, wanting to see recently born babies, missing their friends, struggling with this whilst being single. I’ve read articles about the lonely and vulnerable. And actually, more articles about all those things when you add them up, than I’ve seen about romantic relationships. Which is great - because this pandemic and the lockdown are having a massive effect on a lot of people in many ways, and it personally interests me that we record those experiences and share them. I’ve even seen so many articles about people missing going to the pub, or which restaurants they wish they could visit. And that’s OK, it can be the little things about normality that we miss. I miss museum dates, for example, and there wasn’t even any sex involved! We all miss normality. And I’ve had those conversations in real life, too. These conversations are important, but it’s possible to have them without downplaying something that doesn’t matter to you when it obviously matters to other people. I have been single for long periods of time; I’d be the first to suggest here’s more to life than romantic relationships. Hell, at times that was my absolute last priority. I’ve lived away from friends and family - I am not new to loving people at a distance, and it’s still been hard despite my having the experience to deal with it. If anything, this pandemic just shows how those links feel very different, when we’re not able to travel. Suddenly everyone feels much further away, and I re-evaluate just how happy I am to live far away. For what it’s worth, I think we need more articles highlighting how difficult it is to manage all sorts of interpersonal relatioships at a distance as lockdowns ease. And as someone who’s in a romantic relationship, the pain of bieng isolated in all these spheres just isn’t the same. I miss hugging my mum. And I miss my friends. And I miss my boyfriend. It all hurts. Looking at her own personal examples, the crux of the matter isn’t that she can’t see her family or friends - it’s that most of them live far away, and even if they live nearby, she’s not allowed to hug them. I’d love to hear more about people’s lives - what they are missing, what they hope to be able to do soon. And I can completely empathise with her: I wish I could see my sister, too: I’ve only seen her once since lockdown, briefly and under social distancing. I miss my friends - we live far apart but that used to be easier to bridge when we weren’t under lockdown. I have friends’ babies I’m yet to meet. New BFs yet to be introduced, etc. Weddings we’ve all missed. I can fully empathise with the author’s frustration at being unable to do these things - it has truly had a significant impact on my life this year that I’m mssing out on many of these things too. But that doesn’t in the slightest make it any less awful that I can’t be with my boyfriend, too.

#sex and relationships #jesus christ #i would never have predicted I'd be out here talking about how sex is important to people #it isn't even that important to me personally most of the time #but come on #long post #covid-19 journal

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Jude & Jac

Jude: [post rave] Jude: you can stop your 1 woman campaign now, freshers looks fun, I admit it Jac: That's why they give out free shit and throw these things Jac: convince people like you, good to know you've fallen for it 🎣😏 Jude: I'm convinced enough to crash Trinity's 😜✌ Jude: here on out Jac: good luck, jailbait Jac: the two years you've got left in school show 👶 Jac: you can't even grow unconvincing facial hair like the boys in my year Jude: nah they don't, why ma & da get so stressed every time I leave the house 💋👗👠 Jac: Predators enjoying the fact you think so is another issue entirely Jude: 🙄😏 Jude: can never just have a nice chat with you Jac: What do you need to chat about? Jude: what do YOU need to chat about? Jac: That was an...attempt, I'll give you that Jude: alright, here's the nudge, her name starts with S & last time she was ranked she was at like a 4 Jude: but I'm willing to bump her up in light of recent events Jac: You've reconnected and + 1 up, have you? Jac: That's nice Jude: taking a decent 📷 is good for a few points Jude: probs should lose 'em again when it's dad 👍 but whatever Jac: Very generous Jac: do appreciate you keeping your 👍 to yourself Jac: what do you wanna ask then? Jude: ikr I'm in a generous mood Jude: I'm not forcing you into a q & a Jude: I just think it's good you're mates again Jude: be a bit weird having her there & not Jude: some girl isn't gonna be there 📷 to turn her into a headless 👻 whenever shit gets awkward Jac: That your professional opinion, captain obvious? Jac: well, cheers for your blessing, like Jude: I could tell you were waiting for it so Jac: Clearly Jac: the little you think about has always been my GREATEST concern 😏 Jac: and she'll be up and over the 🌙 at her new score, of course Jude: all I REALLY wanna know is if she has a 🌾🐄 accent now, like? be honest Jude: it's still silver 🥄 yeah? Jac: Err, come on, it was NEVER Southside Jac: and even if it was, that'd count for NOTHING here Jac: so posh some of 'em it's a speech impediment Jude: so you're saying she don't fit right in with the 👸🤴 & qualifies as a bit of rough instead Jude: gutted for her Jude: her ma'd be even more 💔 wonder how she is Jac: That isn't funny, Jude Jude: not about her mum, that was well sad Jude: posh boys not thinking Sav is, is a bit though Jac: Have you ever tried engaging your brain before you speak Jac: not being completely insensitive should not be this hard for you Jude: ?? Jac: Don't ?? at me Jac: you say it's 'well sad' but you're the one that cracked a joke in the first place Jude: I didn't Jude: not about that Jac: I'm not pulling it from nowhere, it's still on my screen Jac: I don't think you realize how badly you come across half the time Jude: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come across like a massive dickhead Jude: I think Sav's alright, I'm not trying to take the piss out of her Jac: Well it's alright this time 'cos you only said it in front of me Jude: be going a bit far to check in with her Jude: not weird at all Jac: you're saying I SHOULD put it past you? Jac: you are weird Jude: I'm saying I'm not about to say it front of her as I don't talk to her, am I Jac: doesn't mean getting into the habit of saying every 'hilarious' thought that enters your head out loud is a plan Jude: yeah alright Jude: fair enough Jac: Anyway, Sav isn't interested in any boys that look like they came from 🐴s not 🐒s Jude: 🤣 Jude: you wanna be careful saying 👦🏽👦🏾👦🏿 look like 🐒 but I get you Jac: She hasn't got a boyfriend of any colour so I weren't saying that Jude: I didn't reckon so, not unless she got a lad to follow her to uni Jude: but who wants that? Jac: Her ex was holding her back hardcore but he's given that up, thankfully Jude: he sounds like a right laugh & not at all like a prick Jac: That's boys for you Jude: 😜 Jude: when do they grow up? 40s or what? Jac: Have you met our father? Jac: never Jude: oh great Jac: 🤷 Jude: it's alright for you, you can get all the 🤓 lads when you're done studying or whatever Jude: least they'll be smart Jac: smart boys are worse Jac: they want to explain everything to you Jude: really? Jude: fuck that then Jac: dumb but kind are the lofty heights you can shoot for Jude: like a 🐶 Jac: yep Jac: loyalty too, forgo the collar Jude: yeah you're right that is lofty heights Jude: maybe when I'm 40, I can find a lad that don't need one Jude: stop him going over the road & 💔 me Jac: shitting where you eat is gross but convenient, that's boys Jude: 👍 Jude: Jess is so lucky he can pick a lad or a girl Jac: Most people are undesirable Jac: gay lads will only touch him if they think he's straight and that's their type Jac: and girls are a whole different beast altogether Jude: that'll be why he's so 😒 Jac: as a rule or more than usual right now? Jude: we all know why he's 😒 right now Jude: you pissed off somewhere more fun without him Jac: I think he's just fine Jac: and he did it first, every weekend, like Jude: speaking of, his latest gig was not the one Jude: so he's probably 😒 about that Jac: like, he was shit, the crowd weren't the right one or the equipment weren't? Jude: he needs a better 🎸 but that ain't news Jude: seemed like he didn't wanna be there to me Jac: Hm, a fight with one of his girlfriend or boyfriends then Jac: meant to make him better so he's fucked up there Jude: relatable Jac: 🙄 Jac: alright Jude: don't be 🙄 @ me Jude: your dating history ain't spotless Jac: I've never dated anyone so it is Jac: 📑 definition Jude: your hook up history then, you know what I mean cos me either Jac: I don't fall in love with them like an idiot, it's entirely different Jude: I fell in love with the one, who I was dating for a bit Jude: I'm not going about falling for 'em all Jac: Still did, didn't you Jac: I can't even remember any of mine Jac: nothing came into play but proximity and timing Jude: 🏆🥇 if you want Jac: take it over your 💔 obviously Jude: yeah Jac: 🙄 I repeat Jude: whatever Jude: I was stupid, it was ages ago Jac: you brought it up Jude: it was my mistake, I can Jac: not a sounding board for your whining Jude: alright, my bad Jac: used to you Jude: you've got your own room now, get over it, like Jac: unfortunuately, that doesn't stop us sharing a family so I don't think I will, thanks Jac: unfortunuately, that doesn't stop us sharing a family so I don't think I will, thanks Jude: it's a part time one for you now, don't have to see this face til 🎄🎅☃️🎁 Jac: Unfortunately, can stay over Spring though, but there's no catering in the Xmas hol 💔 Jude: 👎 - 1 point to St Andy's Jude: is Sav going to her mum or dad for the hols? Jac: better than home, get all my meals and room cleaned for me every week so Jac: literally only just got here, who's thinking about leaving Jac: some other halls you can stay, so maybe she'll find someone there, so she only has to do actual Xmas day or whatever Jude: me now, maybe I should bother going to uni if they're gonna clean for me Jac: only if you get into a good one Jac: and pay extra, hence most people are self-cater, but what else do I need my grant, loan and scholarship for, may as well Jude: 🤔 I hear you, that's unlikely Jac: you have time Jac: two years can change everything Jude: not my 🧠 it can't Jude: my concentration ain't there unless I'm doing 🎨 Jac: you could try harder, and you know it Jude: at what? Jac: concentrating on enough subjects to get you into a decent Uni Jac: you don't need every one, just enough to boost your points Jude: sounds easy that 😤😏 Jude: if I'm only in it for the 🧹🧺 🧼🧽 & I ain't 🤓 enough for one of 'em, ain't much point Jac: It's not about being nerdy or naturally intelligent, it's about being smart with the system Jude: yeah but it's probably also about going cos you wanna learn stuff & be there not just cos you wanna leave home for a bit Jac: most people never use their degrees, so you tell me Jude: that's true Jude: what subjects then? Jac: Depends what you want to do, Art in some form, assumedly? Jac: Fuck Irish and Spanish and PE, duh, knuckle down with your rest to up your points as much as you can then absolutely ace Art Jude: Alright, I'm decent at PE anyway Jude: that'll be easy points Jac: Exactly, no need to purposely fuck them up, but focus harder on the rest, especially the ones you are less decent at without trying Jude: please tell me you've left your notes here Jac: Of course Jac: under my bed, if you haven't lit it on 🔥 Jude: it's only been a week, gimme chance Jac: well, don't reckon they'll let you get a double yet Jac: I still need a place to crash in the holidays and it certainly won't be beside you snoring your head off Jude: might do if I steer clear of lads for a bit Jude: not that I've done half as much with 'em as everyone reckons I have Jac: People find shit to chat regardless, not worth paying no mind to, no more mind to stupid lads either Jude: I don't care if people don't reckon I'm a virgin still even though I am Jude: it's not like it matters Jac: Yeah, those people will all be irrelevant before you know it Jude: loads of people are well jealous of your uni btw Jude: reckoned you'd wanna hear that Jac: Of course Jac: x2 Jude: 😏 Jac: It's more of a flex than Trinity even, and only a handful of people got in there Jude: when did you work out what you wanted? it feels like you've been going on about it forever Jude: but like actually Jac: 🤔 Jac: I can't remember a point where it wasn't my plan, honestly Jac: more abstract when I was little and didn't have the titles and disciplines to put to it but Jac: I always liked murder mysteries and shit, what makes us tick Jude: right Jude: you love a true crime podcast Jac: 😏 Jac: but I'd rather deal with the living murderers than the corpses of their victims so Jude: well yeah Jude: 🦴🦷 bit gross Jac: 🧠 are much better Jude: long as you're not cutting into it Jac: I won't be Jac: if I'd combined biology, and gone that route Jude: I won't be either, tah Jude: science is proper hard Jac: Psychology has a shit load of it involved anyway, but I can blag it Jude: you're SO excited, I can tell Jude: 🤓💕 Jac: Of course I am Jac: it's everything I've ever wanted Jude: it's weird you're so far away though, it don't feel like you are Jac: Glad my prescence and now abscence had/have such a huge impact on you Jac: we both know why though so Jude: yeah Jac: it's different now Jude: good Jac: alright then Jude: give my love to Savannah, I know she'll have missed me Jude: that's the impact I have Jac: 👌👌 Jude: 😝 Jac: Do you really have a problem with Savannah? Jude: course not, I told you I think she's alright, it's just bants Jude: why does she have a problem with me? Jac: yeah, it's a massive grudge she took all the way to Sligo and back Jac: 🙄 Jude: you know what I mean Jude: has she said that I come across as a massive dickhead too or something? Jude: I don't wanna upset her, like Jac: you haven't come up a load in conversation, like Jac: oddly enough Jac: it's that Jac: she's like my girlfriend alright so you can't be a dick about her anymore, alright Jude: alright then Jac: is that all you're gonna say Jude: I won't take the piss out of her no more, like I said, I didn't mean it anyways Jac: you can react, you know Jac: it's big news on multiple counts Jude: it makes sense Jude: I get it now, why you were like that after she left Jac: Good Jac: I want you to know that Jac: don't change how it was, but still Jude: you could've just told me you rated her 10/10 Jude: is that why she left? like her family always seemed a bit off but I didn't think they were that bad Jac: I couldn't, though Jac: no, her mum wasn't coping Jac: as we all know now, and then the Isabelle stuff went down, so their dad stepped in Jude: yeah, but I mean, that's not part of why she slit her wrists, is it? Cos Sav doesn't need that to carry Jac: it was because the dad left and then took them, to put it as bluntly and without nuance as possible Jac: but that's all on him, not the girls, her mum isn't like blaming them, their relationship is getting better Jude: at least she was alright with you too dating then, nobody needs that dark ages mentality shit Jude: she's got enough going on Jac: well, she doesn't know about that yet Jude: but you were together back then, yeah? Jac: no, it's a new development Jac: as in, like, the other night new, no one really knows, I barely do Jac: things were complicated before Jude: oh okay, soz for backtracking so hard, I just thought Jac: yeah, that was the problem Jac: shit was assumed or it wasn't Jude: what a headfuck Jude: you're okay now though, right? Like the other night went alright Jac: I guess for context, before she left, I did kiss her and it went horribly Jac: I loved her then but she didn't and then she was gone Jac: I see how it sounded like pining there but no Jac: it's good now though, things have changed, we both have Jude: I knew something happened that night when you came back early, you were like a 👻 or like you'd seen one Jac: Yeah, that was what it was Jude: it won't happen again if things are different so Jac: not as bad Jude: I'm glad Jude: that this is the ending you get, cos it's not one, it's more like a beginning or whatever Jude: you don't have to be just excited for uni Jac: I know Jac: not that there's anything wrong with just being excited for Uni, tah very much Jac: whatever happens, I think we'll be able to stay friends this time so Jude: or you'll just marry her & have all the kids she obviously wants Jac: let's not get carried away, shall we Jude: 1. you never said I couldn't have bants with you still Jude: 2. there's nowt I don't know about her life plan, she talks LOADS Jac: You only have a problem with that because you want to be the one talking Jude: course I do Jac: it cannot be overstated how much I'd rather listen to her, is the point ❤ Jude: it'd be a bit rude if you were already like nah tah 🤐 it, babe Jude: probably don't do that Jac: That's your top tip and people really think you're not a virgin? Jac: Interesting Jude: it don't work out well for the lads who TRY it with me 😏 Jude: people reckon I'm not cos I'm that 🥇 yeah Jude: & cos lads have loads to say for themselves, most of which is bollocks Jude: but you're not a sounding board for my whinging, I remember Jac: 'Bants', dear sister, 'bants' Jude: 👍 Jac: anyway, I've got to go Jac: there's this variety show that is apparently hilarious, either actually or in how bad it is so Jude: & I've got loads of 📝📚📖📏📐to do if I'm gonna have my own freshers Jude: top quality entertainment like that, literally how could I not? Jac: sure you'll want to be in it yourself 😏 Jude: you're correct Jude: 👋 then

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alarawriting · 4 years

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California Road Trip (Good Omens/Lucifer (TV))

OK, it is normally not my policy to post fanfiction to this account, but for some reason it doesn’t feel like a bad idea to do it if it’s a brand new fandom I haven’t done stuff in before, so here I go.

A few notes before I start here:

Both Good Omens and the tv series Lucifer are very, very much situated within Christian mythos - Christian specifically, not Judaism. However, Jesus Christ is very much Jewish. I don’t want to offend any Jewish readers, but I just won’t put up with the Christian historical attempt to somehow erase this fact. So I’m going to try to write him as a practicing Jew, which I admit is going to be weird, because generally speaking, Jewish people do not believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ, which puts him in a kind of “who shaves the barber” situation here.

If there are any Jewish folks out there who would not be bothered by being asked questions about Judaism for the sake of a fanfic starring Jesus Christ and the Antichrist on a road trip, please let me know, because while I’ve been reading about Judaism my entire life and have a great deal of interest in the religion and culture, the fact remains that I was raised Catholic.

BTW, the title is a working title and may very well end up changed.

Adam Young sat morosely on a bench in the baggage claim at LAX, occasionally kicking his satchel as an expression of his frustration. Bloody stupid America had to be so bloody damn big. And he couldn’t do anything mundane about it – couldn’t hire a car, his driver’s license wasn’t valid in the States; couldn’t get a flight to San Francisco, because Mum and Dad were hardly made of money and his own funds had been just enough to get here; and maybe there was public, a bus or something, but how was he supposed to find it? All the signs and adverts on the walls were for car rental agencies and buses to local hotels.

He fussed with his phone, trying to get Google to tell him how to get a bus to San Francisco so he wouldn’t have to use his other options. The data plan didn’t work in the States and the airport didn’t have free wifi, so he was trying to find an unsecured network he could hop on. Strengthening the signal of an unsecured network seemed to him more legitimate than, say, hacking a secure network, and much more so than, for example, shortening the distance between Los Angeles and San Francisco so he could hire a taxi. He was definitely not going to go that far.

“Hey there,” he heard a man say. “You look frustrated. Anything I can do to help?”

Adam looked up. There was a tall, skinny man with shaggy brown hair in a ponytail, the almost-not-quite sprinkling of facial hair on the chin that people were calling a “soul patch”, and light brown skin of the kind you might see on an Arab, or a Greek, or given that this was the States, maybe a Mexican. He was dressed in very nondescript American clothes – gray t-shirt, plaid long-sleeve shirt unbuttoned, blue jeans, sneakers – and had the kind of friendly smile that made you immediately want to trust him and tell him your problems. Adam was deeply suspicious.

“Oh, no, don’t put yourself to any trouble on my account,” Adam said. “I’ve just got a thing I need to work out, is all.”

“No problem,” the man said. “But if there’s anything I can do to help you, please, just ask. We’re family, after all.” He grinned widely.

Adam blinked at that. “…Family?”

The man extended his hand. “Josh Carpenter. I’m your cousin.”

Adam’s da had no siblings. Mum had one, Adam’s flamboyantly gay uncle who definitely did not have any children or Adam would have been hearing about them his entire life. “I don’t have any cousins.”

“Well. Okay. Technically I’m your uncle, but you and I are a lot closer in age than the rest of the family so I really don’t feel comfortable calling myself an uncle.”

“I’ve only one uncle and you’re definitely not him.”

“Other side of the family,” Josh said.

Adam stood up, preparing to put some distance between himself and the obvious scammer. “My da hasn’t got any brothers or sisters.”

“Other other side, Adam,” Josh said. “The side you don’t like to think about much.”

And that knocked the wind out of him. Adam stared at the other man, who looked to be at most a year or two older than Adam himself. “…My other other side. You mean… my bio-father.”

“That’s a rather cold word to use, but I can see why it would be your choice,” Josh said. “Yes. Your bio-father’s my older half-brother.”

“So you’re a—” He hesitated. How did you publicly call someone an angel, or a demon, and which would it be? And wouldn’t it be offensive if he got it wrong? He’d gotten the distinct impression from Crowley and Az that most of their people were not nearly as laid-back or friendly as they were, and if this was an emissary from his bio-father, was he going to have to unleash his other side after all? They weren’t supposed to interfere on Earth, not in any way that inconvenienced him, anyway.

“Oh, no, no. I’m as human as you are.” Josh smiled again. The expression lit up his entire face, making him practically radiate ‘I’m a great guy, you should want to be my friend.’

Adam was about to retort that if Josh knew as much as he thought he did, he’d know exactly how human Adam was, and wasn’t, when his brain finished processing the name “Josh Carpenter” in the context of the other things the man had said, and realized who he was talking to. “Wait – you’re – my God.” Abruptly he realized that what he’d said was so apropos it went out the other side to being inappropriate. “I mean—”

Josh laughed. “Don’t worry about it, I know what you’re trying to say,” he said. “Anyway, I’m not, you know. Not like people think, anyway. I’m basically like you.”

Adam, entirely too aware of how close to being a god he was, was not reassured. “So, um… do we need to fight now, or something? Because I really don’t want to fight anyone.”

This time Josh’s laugh wasn’t a gentle chuckle, but more like a belly laugh. “No, no!” He got his hilarity under control. “No. You made your decision when you were eleven, and I’m really glad, because I never wanted any of that nonsense either. And to be perfectly honest I don’t think Father did either. The whole thing came from John’s predictions, and I think they all somehow got the idea that John was channeling information directly from Father because he was one of my best friends, but the truth is? John was… a little weird, to be honest. Wonderful guy, great friend, but… he was never all that grounded, if I’m being honest.”

“So wait. None of that business was in the Divine Plan after all?”

“Contrary to popular belief I don’t generally have any more idea what Father is up to than anyone else, but I do know Him better than most, and no. I don’t think any of that was His idea.”

“Huh.”

Adam must have made a face that somehow indicated his bemusement, because Josh asked, “What?”

“It’s just… I’ve got a pair of friends. Well, I’m sure you know about them if you know about the Apocawasn’t, and Crowley and Az both refer to God as Her.”

Josh shook his head. “It’s a thing He’s been encouraging lately because the English language doesn’t have a good neuter pronoun, and obviously God is larger than any concept of gender, and He’s not really thrilled with what humans have assumed about Him based on the pronoun. But He doesn’t really care which you use, as long as it’s respectful, and… I had a biological mother. I’ve had quite some time where I’ve been using masculine pronouns, so I’m not going to switch unless He asks me to.”

“But it’s okay that I call Her my grandmother? Because that’s hilarious.”

“Sure. Grandmother, grandfather, granddeity… whatever you want. Long as it’s respectful enough.”

“I’m not sure my mental picture of God in a babushka kerchief and a rocking chair is respectful though.”

“Ah, ‘respectful’ when I say it doesn’t mean what the people who supposedly listen to me mean when they say it. I’m Jewish. If you want to picture God as rocking in a chair and wearing a kerchief, maybe doing Her knitting, creating a planet or two? That’s fine. The respect we’re called on to give to God – and by we, I mean humans, but I don’t think it’s much different for half-humans like you and me – is exactly like the respect you give your grandmother. If your grandmother says something that’s stupid and insensitive, you challenge her, because it was stupid and insensitive. If she has rules that make no sense, you challenge them. If She disowned your brother and most of his friends because he talked back to Her, absolutely you get to call Her on that and tell Her that was a dick move. But you still respect her, because She’s your grandmother. You exist because She gave you life, directly or indirectly.”

Adam thought he had stopped talking about a merely hypothetical grandmother about halfway through that. “Really? You tell God that something She did was a dick move?” He laughed.

“Every chance I get,” Josh said, grinning. “We actually disagree about a lot of things, but He listens to me more than He does to anyone else, I guess. Youngest son syndrome or something.”

Adam had in his life had conversations about ending the world, about life on the planets of Alpha Centauri, and about the management structure of Hell, but this still counted as one of the more surreal conversations he’d ever had. “So. Um. Were you just doing something when I happened to stroll by, or did you actually come here to see me?”

Josh put up his hands. “Guilty, I admit it,” he said. “I knew you were here and I knew you were in a little bit of trouble. I didn’t want to pry enough to find out what, though, so you want to tell me? I can probably help out.”

“I don’t need a miracle. I can do that for myself.”

“Good for you. I don’t do them anymore unless it’s an emergency, either, so I think we’re on the same page about that. What’s wrong?”

Adam sighed. “It’s such a bloody stupid mistake to make. I forgot how big the States are. In particular, this state. I came here to see Pepper at Berkeley, she’s doing her grad studies there… you know my friend Pepper, right?”

“She was there that day, so yes, I do.”

“You weren’t there, though.”

“The angels knew I disapproved of the whole thing and kept interfering with me getting a chance to talk to you, but I definitely checked out the whole thing afterward. So yes, I know of Pepper.”

“Right. And the price for a flight to Los Angeles was so much less than San Francisco, I could afford it myself without asking Mum and Da for money. And I had completely forgot that it’s a three hour drive between the two cities, because seriously? That’s much too much for the same state! Who even drew the boundaries for this state, because it’s ridiculous!”

Josh laughed. “I won’t argue against that. And I think I may have just the thing. Although it might take a miracle of the more mundane variety to get it to actually drive for three hours straight without breaking down, but I do have a pickup truck.”

Adam raised an eyebrow, taking in Josh’s appearance. “I’d have thought some kind of, I don’t know, tiny enviro-friendly electric car would be more your thing.”

Josh snorted. “Do you have any idea how much those things cost? If I had that kind of money, it’d go straight to a soup kitchen, maybe a homeless shelter or two. My pickup’s not the greatest, but it still runs, and it lets me carry furniture donations and things like that.”

“You do some kind of ministry or something?”

“Always,” Josh nodded. “Though not like you’re probably thinking. My day’s over; I’m here on Earth because you are, not for my own sake, so I let humans take the lead. I do volunteer work for several of the local Jewish charities, helping the homeless, the hungry, you know.” He leaned on the wall with one hand. “So. Up for a road trip with your cousin?”

“Uncle.”

“You’re making me feel old.”

“You’re two thousand, I should hope so!” Adam said, grinning.

“Yes, but all my brothers and sisters are billions of years older than me, so by that standard, you and I are practically the same age.” He pushed off the wall. “And speaking of my brothers. Did you know your father is in town?”

Adam went cold. “Wait, what? The Devil is here in Los Angeles?”

“Yes. Running a nightclub, apparently.” Josh put a hand on Adam’s shoulder. “You know, I really think you should meet with him. You shouldn’t completely shut your father out of your life even if you don’t want to be close.”

“He’s not my father,” Adam scowled. “My Da’s the one who taught me to ride a bike and who read stories to me at night and cooked me terrible hash browns when Mum was poorly and couldn’t make supper.”

“Right, I get that,” Josh said. “My dad taught me how to build a house, or a cabinet, and taught me how to ride a donkey, and used to walk me to Temple so he’d know where I was because he said I was going to go anyway so he might as well walk me there. But I also have a Father. It’s okay, you know, to acknowledge more than two parents. Step-parents and adopted parents have been a thing since humanity came into existence.”

“Yeah, well, your Father never appeared to you as a giant monster crawling out of the pavement trying to destroy your entire planet.”

“And I really think you ought to try to meet up with Lucifer and talk to him about that. Put some of those conflicts to bed. He was frequently a pretty terrible person when he was running Hell, but… it’s Hell. It makes people terrible even if they were great to begin with. He’s so much better now that he’s not there anymore.”

“What, do you hang out with him often?”

Josh shook his head. “He doesn’t even know I’m here. I haven’t gone to look him up in person, but… you know how it is. If you’re interested in knowing about a person… sometimes it just happens. That happens to you, too, right?”

Adam nodded slowly. “Yeah. Actually it does.” The thought occurred to him that Josh was the only other person on the planet who might really understand some of Adam’s challenges and sorrows in life. The stress of having to restrain near-omnipotent power, so often, because you wanted to be a human and to fit in with humanity, not to stand above it as some sort of lonely god – or devil. Crowley and Az knew a bit of it, but they’d never been human, and Warlock understood some of the weirdness of Adam’s life but had never had the power to perform miracles.

He made a decision. “If you’re offering, I’ll take you up on that trip to San Francisco, and you can maybe talk me into… meeting my bio-dad. Maybe. No promises.”

“That’s all I can ask,” Josh said.

“But if your car will hold together well enough… I’ve got a friend in the States, out on this coast, but I knew Washington was much too far away for me to visit him without a second plane trip. Maybe we could head up north and see him?” Warlock had fled the East Coast and the influence of his toxic parents as soon as he’d turned of age to do so. Adam had met him once or twice after the Apocawasn’t, when his father had had to come back to England – he hadn’t been the American ambassador anymore but he’d still had reasons to come back – and Crowley and Az had brought him to see the boy who should have been his parents’ son, his quasi-brother, at his insistence. But they hadn’t met in person in a few years; Warlock wouldn’t take money from his parents to fly to England and this was Adam’s first trip to the States.

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

Adam grinned, remembering something. “Oh yeah. Is there an ice cream place around here? I heard as a kid that America has thirty one ice cream flavors.”

Josh laughed. “Only thirty-one? You’re in for a treat. Yeah, I know where to find the nearest Baskin-Robbins, that’s the chain that advertised about the thirty-one flavors. There’s actually a lot more than that. Though sadly, Baskin-Robbins’ stores don’t generally have all thirty-one at once.” He gestured toward the door. “Come on. It’s kind of a hike. I couldn’t afford to park in the closer lots.”

Adam picked up his satchel and followed Josh. “I don’t mind a walk,” he said.

#good omens #lucifer (tv)

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dramaphan · 5 years

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Dan being funny: a live reaction

-Dan being annoyed by all the screaming is an entire mood

-“Where are the lesbians at” okay we get it your whole fan base is gay

-I did not hear a single scream from any confused straight boys, disappointed

-some furries in attendance. Good to know.

-Dan is popping the hell off at vidcon for getting his username wrong get over it boy it’ll never die

-“this is my first time going out while being out” and you chose a convention with thousands of people well done you could have gone to the grocery store, you know, baby steps. But nah, all in, I respect that.

-ten years of vidcon, ten years of Dan, tens, man. Tens all around.

-I feel like he hasn’t told a joke yet is this standup or did they just hire him to talk while they got the next guy ready?

-couple of ten year olds in the audience, dear Jesus what are they doing there

-he’s been on YouTube for ten years but technically only nine years because he didn’t upload for one of them.

-Dan has commitment issues. And apparently issues with authority

-“I don’t respect your time” he says about his 45 minute coming out video that I willingly watched in full five times and skimmed through certain parts more times than I can count

-“I didn’t even cry” Yeah cry more next time, pussy

-gay count: 1

-Dan said he signed up to run the London marathon and a girl in the crowd went “WHAT???” And honestly, same.

-Dan would kick a 4 year olds ass for... some reason.

-“if I had abs I’d probably be naked on Instagram all day” you liar you said you had abs last January and you didn’t get naked once

-gay count: 2

-list of mental illnesses: long, apparently.

-the fear of disappointing people gets Dan up in the morning and in other news: we might be the same person.

-“it turns out mental health won” okay ow, bitch. I was gonna make fun of you for training for a literal marathon and then pulling out the night before but fuck now you got me feeling bad

-Dan’s mum made a fuckin team Dan T-shirt oh my god do I love her???

-gay count: 3

-“what’s better than suffering? Monetizing that suffering.” Dan really be out here making his tragedies a work of art huh?

-Dan’s got no god damn idea what he wants to do next. Could have guessed.

-he literally ended it by just going “thanks” and walking away why is that so hilarious

Final thoughts: whoever told me this was stand up comedy got my hopes in a totally different place. The gist of this was “I’m gay, i didn’t run a marathon, someday I’ll make a video again.” And it was basically the live version of a Dan video. And if that’s as close as I’m gonna get to a Dan video, I’ll take it.

#phan #danisnotonfire #dan and phil #daniel howell #danisnotinteresting #dan howell

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uncloseted · 5 years

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Effy’s Closet Watches Skins: 302 “Cook”

Hey everyone! I'm back with another recap. I've always found this episode to be a bit of nonsense and i've never loved Cook as much as the other characters, but I think it gives a lot of insight into who he is and what motivates him. More under the cut!

- I’m still annoyed about the music change. I get why they had to do it but whoever chose the replacement music really didn't even try. I've said this before, but the original music isn't just music- it adds emotion, but it also adds commentary and lets us know what the characters are feeling. This is missing that.

- Cook and the boys are wandering down the street. It's Cook's 17th birthday, and he's having a party. Freddie says he hopes some people will show up; JJ says he invited half the college. It's a throwaway line, but I think it's actually pretty important- Cook wants people to pay attention to him, to think he's funny, to witness his debauchery. He wants people to like him despite how hard he tries not to give a shit about anyone or anything. So he invited everyone to make sure some people would come. Cook almost gets into a fight with some posh kids and looks thrilled about it. They're at Uncle Keith's pub and I'm a bit offended that the bartender is named Christina. It seems like Uncle Keith might be the only adult male influence Cook has had in his life in a long time, which explains some of why he is the way that he is. He introduces Freddie and JJ. Cook has an earring, which I don't think I've noticed before now. Keith is telling stories about his wild days and I think Cook feels like he needs to live up to those stories. Cook claims that Uncle Keith is a legend and JJ asks who exactly Keith is a legend to. Cook, who's looked up to Uncle Keith for a long time, seems really offended by the idea that Uncle Keith isn't a legend to *everyone*.

- Enter the girls. Cook says, "Look, man. Look at that. Quality totty. That's top shelf shit" about Effy to Freddie and then "hey baby" to Effy and puts his arm around her. Effy looks very uncomfortable. At this point in time, Cook really views Effy as being a hot girl more than anything else. Freddie looks upset by this. Then Cook declares that his party will be legendary, which it clearly is not. There's also an interesting throwaway interaction with this guy who wanders into the pub. Cook says the guy burnt his house, and the guy apologizes. Cook's life is clearly very hectic if his house is being burned down by some random dude, and yet he doesn't feel like that's enough. His party needs to be wild, crazy, legendary.

- Effy and Freddie share a really nice "Cook is crazy" look, and for the first time in this episode she seems happy that she came. They sing "For he's a jolly good fellow" and Effy looks very unamused and bored with how tame this whole situation is. "He's already had half a bottle of vodka" says JJ. "Really? How crazy" deadpans Effy. She looks about ready to leave, except Freddie is there so we all know she won't. The gang does tequila shots, and Cook howls. JJ joins in, excited to be included, and Freddie begrudgingly follows along. Effy gives him this cute little understanding smile. I just noticed that the headband she's wearing has star studs on it. Freddie says that Effy will like JJ's magic trick, and what I love about this is that he's right. Effy is all "what? He does magic?" And then she's totally amused by JJ's magic trick. It's one of the first times we see her smile like that in the series, which doesn't mean anything right now, but it's interesting in the context of her mum saying that she likes magic. I think part of the reason JJ likes her so much is that she really, unapologetically likes his magic tricks. She spends so much time being unimpressed about pretty much everything else that I think her liking his magic makes JJ feel special. She seems uncomfortable with Cook drinking the goldfish- the other girls definitely are.

- Pandora pukes, and Cook is excited- that means they're having a good time. Freddie and Effy share another glance, and then Naomi enters. She looks vulnerable, like she's not quite sure what she's doing there. For Naomi, this is being brave. The guy who harasses her and the girl who tells lies about her in one room... all because she wants to see Emily. Katie makes a lesbian joke, and Emily hisses, "Shh... I've told you to fucking... Just leave it, ok?" Clearly they've had this conversation about Naomi before, and it gives us a hint that maybe Emily has been standing up to Katie more in private. Cook tells Naomi that the cure for gayness is his cock. I think he likes the challenge of a girl who won't sleep with him. He's really set on impressing Naomi pretty consistently in the early episodes of this series. Effy is not having Cook's views on lesbians, but meanwhile Katie finds it hilarious, I guess because someone is finally on her side about it. Emily comes to the rescue by producing a cake. I like this because she's saving Naomi from this awkward situation, but without actually having to defend Naomi or tell her how she feels. Very series 3 Emily of her. Also, how cute that Emily made Cook a cake? Cook eats the whole thing and Effy smirks. Everyone else looks disgusted.

(Also, can I take this time to ask people why on earth they color edit gifs of Skins like this? The entire show is already color edited by professional color editors. It’s a big part of its look. Why make everything orange?!) - Katie is fed up with the situation. She asks where the conversation, the dancing, the men are. Cook is offended and tries to insist that they're men, but the rest of the gang finally says what they mean- this party is shit. Cook stands outside, waiting for a sign from God about how to improve his party. This is really, really important to him, and nobody else seems to care, so he has to make it happen himself. Then an opportunity presents itself- Freddie's sister is at an engagement party. Cook seems pleased at the idea of seeing Karen (he mentions that he's always touching with her and flirting with her, to which Freddie responds that that's why she doesn't like him), and I've always thought they should have delved into that relationship more. They have a really interesting dynamic- both Cook and Karen are characters who will do whatever it takes to be noticed and to be loved. One thing I really love about this episode is the pressure that everyone is feeling to have a crazy night and a good time. I feel like that's such a relatable part of being a teenager that doesn't often get depicted- you feel like you're supposed to be going out all the time, having the craziest moments of your life, but sometimes there's just nowhere to go and nothing to do. This episode captures that restlessness really well.

- They get to the engagement party and are turned away by the bouncer. Freddie talks Cook down from fighting the bouncer, which it seems from his expression like he has to do a lot. Karen and her friend come out, Cook offers them drugs, and finally they get let into the party. It's clearly not exactly their scene, but Cook isn't deterred. He meets Johnny White, a gangster, who threatens him, but he doesn't seem to care all that much. Pandora has decided she loves drugs, I guess because she's on a quest to get everyone to like her and everyone else is doing drugs. Pandora eats all the drugs, which provides a big problem for Cook. Effy, who is used to Pandora, thinks the situation is hilarious. Everyone else, not so much. Kayleigh tells Cook to get her more drugs. The rest of the gang is dancing. Effy's maroon dress has a black diagonal stripe on it, which I guess I always thought was part of her jacket but isn't.

- Cook talks to Freddie and JJ about how he needs the drugs so that he can get with Kayleigh. Freddie says, "I thought you liked Effy", to which Cook replies, "Yeah, she's a peach. But I already tapped that. Top-dollar shag. She's my last resort. Sure thing, I reckon." Freddie didn't know that Cook and Effy had sex, and now he's upset. "But...JJ likes her", he says. Meaning, "I love her. Why would you do this to me?" I think it's the first time he realizes how Cook will never put Freddie before himself, and that he's a way better friend to Cook than Cook is to him. Effy and Freddie steal another glance; she seems to be trying to inviting him over to dance with her with some flirty eye contact, but he's still processing what he just learned.

- Now we cut to Naomi and Emily in their first real conversation of the series. As a sidenote, both of their outfits are utterly ridiculous and perfect for them. I like how the pink in Naomi's top matches Emily's cardigan. Emily asks Naomi not to leave, and Naomi asks her why not, maybe hoping, just a little bit, that Emily will say "because I want you to stay". Here's Emily, being brave, going out on a limb for Naomi. She may not seem like it on the surface, but I think Emily is actually one of the bravest characters in the show. She knows that if she pushes Naomi too far, Naomi will run away from her, and so she's subtle, gentle, leaving room for Naomi to feel how she feels. Emily starts to say exactly what Naomi wants to hear, "I don't know....because...." and then thinks better of it and backs off. She knows that even though it's exactly what Naomi wants to hear, Naomi isn't ready to hear it. Naomi asks her why Katie thinks she's gay, and Emily apologizes. Naomi leaves.

- Johnny White gives a speech, and clearly this marriage is political; he's merging two gangs so that they won't fight anymore. Freddie looks upset, in general I think but also because of all the people there, he believes in love, and I think he feels like Kayleigh shouldn't be getting married for politics. Pandora faints and Effy tries to wake her up. Cook gets more drugs from Keith and gives them to Kayleigh. He has this argument with Kayleigh where he tries to convince her to have sex with him, which is gross but also I think shows his desperation. Cook is not someone who knows how to let go, even if he doesn't really care about the endgame. She says that if he impresses her, she'll have sex with him, and so Cook hatches a plan. He does the rest of his drugs (interestingly, he eats them in the same way Pandora does) and then does a whole song and dance number, angering Johnny in the process. Freddie sees danger coming, but not before Cook gets hit over the head with a bottle. Cook continues to poke at Johnny, getting himself deeper and deeper into trouble, and it's at this point that I wonder how prevalent gang activity actually is in Bristol. Every series these kids get into some sort of altercation with a gang. Is that normal for the UK? Anyway, Freddie sweeps in and saves the day, promising that they'll leave, and Johnny tosses Cook off of a balcony, starting a gang war in the process.

- Cook seems relatively unharmed from this fall, and begins to laugh. He's definitely gotten the legendary night he wanted, and to him that's all that matters. The gang runs away, hooligans that they are, before their situation can get worse. Effy concedes that it was a cool party and has this cute moment in the background where she and Pandora are playing. Freddie says that Cook is "fucking unbelievable", still with a mixture of admiration and disgust, which I think is common for their relationship. Still smiling, Freddie says, "you're always fucking trying to get laid", and it's interesting, because it's friendly but sharp. Cook isn't sensing the escalating situation with Freddie, and just says that he tries and succeeds before turning to the girls to see if any of them want to fuck. All of them evade him, including Effy. She pauses, thinks about it, looks at Freddie (who seems very nervous about what she's going to say), and then turns Cook down, saying that she has to take Pandora home. She looks like she might be wearing some sort of feather in her hair?

- Cook, undeterred, says that he wants to go somewhere with women. Freddie says he's tired, and Cook initially thinks he means sleepy, but Freddie says no- he's tired of Cook. I think Cook propositioning Effy right in front of him is the final straw for Freddie; clearly Cook doesn't care about his feelings, and if Cook doesn't care about Freddie's feelings, Freddie's not going to go with him and protect him from himself anymore. Cook responds with anger, a "fuck you, then" and tries to get JJ to come with him. JJ, I guess not wanting to rock the boat further, only hesitates for a second before he goes along.

- The rest of this episode is mostly filler nonsense so that Skins can earn its "edgy and provocative" stripes. It feels like a rehash of the events of episode 101, except now Skins has a reputation to uphold. Cook and JJ go to a strip club/brothel situation. Cook says JJ is going to lose his virginity; JJ stands up to him (a bit) and says he's not sure he wants to. I think Cook thinks he's doing JJ a favor, and by getting JJ laid, he'll make sure JJ stays on his side if this fight with Freddie is real. JJ is totally out of his element and clearly uncomfortable. Cook can't afford what he wants, and I think he's surprised that this is not a situation where he can bargain, no matter how good or sexy he thinks he is. JJ just wants a kiss; he's never kissed a girl and doesn't know how. He realizes that Johnny White is in the other room and goes to get revenge, but not before he sees JJ kissing Megan and calls it "gay shit". JJ apologizes to him, as if he's wronged Cook in some way. Cook takes pictures of Johnny in a... compromizing position... and takes Johnny's necklaces. Like Cook was doing before, Johnny provokes him- he won't let go even when he knows it's in his best interest. Johnny makes some comments about Cook's mum, and Cook physically fights him. JJ tries to pull him away and accidentally gets caught in the crossfire, with Cook almost hitting him. Cook looks disturbed by the fact that he got so angry that he almost hit JJ, and JJ runs away. Johnny threatens to kill Cook, and Cook, for the first time all episode, seems to realize that his actions have consequences.

He walks across a park alone at dawn. He doesn't have anywhere to go, so he goes to see Freddie, the only person who's always been there for him. Freddie comes out of his house and into the shed, looking like a bit of a grandpa in his dressing gown. Cook is drinking and Freddie calls him on it, but he's not willing to push the issue. I think he's hoping Cook has come to offer some form of apology. But Cook asks, "so what are we doing today then?" And Freddie knows that that's not why he's here. Freddie says he almost got them killed, and Cook finally offers up an apology of sorts. Freddie says that it's a first; even Cook's half apology seems to be more than Cook has ever said before. But Freddie's not having it- Cook says he wouldn't have done the stupid things he did if Freddie was there, and Freddie reiterates that he's not going to take care of Cook anymore, that he's tired of being a bystander to Cook's death wish. Cook pulls the Three Musketeers card and says he loves Freddie to bits, and Freddie relents. He knows that he's all that Cook has, and I don't think he's ready to let go of that. He asks just one thing, that Cook "stops all this crazy shit". But even that's too much for Cook. His response is only "shut it, you pussy". And so he goes right back to his old ways, walking down the street and singing loudly, just like he did before. Only this time, he's all alone. In this episode we see how far Freddie has been pushed, how much he just wants Cook to be okay. How much he thinks that somehow, he'll be able to get through to Cook and save him from himself. And it's so clear from the ending of that episode that that's not where Cook is,that's not what's going to happen. He wants to keep things exactly as they are, with Freddie looking out for him so nothing truly bad happens, where there are no consequences for his actions because Freddie will shield him from them. This conversation marks Freddie's final straw- he's trying again, one more time, hoping he got through to Cook. Forgiving him for everything with Effy, for creating messes he always has to clean up... offering one final olive branch.

Bonus: Effy and Freddie sharing glances in this episode:

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authorette44 · 5 years

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Fandom Tag Game

> pairing I was tagged for

Charity x Vanessa, by the fabulous @jmflowers

> when I boarded this ship

August 2018

> how I heard about this ship

I read an interview with Emma about Vanity - it caught me eye because my gf’s mum watches Emmerdale religiously and we always mocked her for it...little did I know! Anyway, I was intrigued enough to watch some clips on YouTube (shoutout to the absolute hero who runs the Charity and Vanessa YouTube channel) and got sucked in.

> why I boarded this ship

a) women in their forties getting to have actual lives, be romantic, openly talk about having sex

b) one bicon who gives zero fucks about the gender of who she’s sleeping with and one New!Lesbian who has an initial freak out but gets over that pretty damn fast

c) their patchwork family gives me ALL THE FEELS

d) soft/supportive girlfriends

e) they act everything so well, whether it’s comedy, romance, drama, tragedy...

f) Michelle being a real life gay icon

g) have you actually seen them 🔥

> favourite thing about this ship

The characters get to grow and develop. Their relationship has evolved and Charity especially has had so much personal growth as a result of the support Vanessa has given her. Other characters actively acknowledge that they make each other better.

> favourite thing about the fandom

Y’all are so nice! And I love being in a British fandom - I’ve never been in one before and and there is such freedom in being able to use the word pavement in a fic without getting comments being all ‘it’s a sidewalk girl’.

> one thing I don’t like

I’ve been sucked into watching the actual show and it’s SUCH a commitment to keep up. Also some of the other storylines are awful. How is it possible to make a rape storyline entirely about all the characters other than the person who was raped?!?!

> other pairings/characters I like from this series

Chas has some unparalleled comic timing. And Paddy. The two of them were so good with all the Grace stuff as well. Also like Marlon (when he’s not with Jessie), Vanity’s hoard of boys, Debbie and Faith, because she’s hilarious.

#charity x vanessa #charity dingle #vanessa woodfield #asked and answered #authorette’s thoughts #jmflowers #vanity

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yxcnghq-blog · 5 years

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good fuckin yard my guys gals and non binary pals !! i’m admin c and this is my messy disaster gay problem child jooseok. below the cut you’re gonna find out a loT about his tragic ass and if you hit the like button if i haven’t already, i’ll hit you up for plotting !! i’ll give a few ideas of connections on the end of this too since i’m gonna update and redo his plot page sfngn bUT let it be known i also mun aurora, euchan and emrys so i may have also messaged you for plotting on one of those acc’s, if so don’t worry i will ensure to give you the chance to plot with all my babies !! without further ado:

jooseok is the son of a mob family, they’re very well established in the criminal world. his parents are yeong dami and yeong joohyuk. however it is dami who actually runs the game and is the head bitch in charge shall we say, not to bring feminist agenda joo to life but as u can imagine due to this he has hella respect for women esp his mother bc of the strength he observed in her growing up. he thinks women are stronger and better at survival bc of learning through his ma and being trained by her.

so he was raised of course in the family gang, raised in crime and never really knew any other way to live. when he reached seventeen he was initiated officially into the gang meaning his role became more full time and his responsibility became larger. he dropped out of college after his first two years there to accomodate for this and so his education wasn’t the finest but he was homeschooled for a long time before he got too old as the gang considered it and he no longer had time for it. plus he was of the belief he knew enough about how the world worked through the observation of the good and ugly alone.

he does have a younger sister who he considers his entire world and he also has a brother of around the same age as him. the family dynamic is a little complex, he’d kill without hesitation for both his siblings despite the fact that his brother and himself often don’t agree or see eye to eye on anything, they bicker and give each other shit but they’d never turn their backs on each other. these are wanted connections i will eventually put on the list so they can be filled out also.

he’s considered an infiltrator and a double agent as his main job titles for the gang so right now he works undercover in the police force helping the wrongly accused escape a life of jail time and prove their innocence when the justice system fails them. occasionally he’s put in charge of strategy too and he is very very respected within the gang for being the youngest and yet the most skilled who rose to his tasks very quickly for his age and became the best at what he does at an alarmingly quick rate, he’s actually pretty well known for having the reputation of being the youngest to climb the ranks and gain status like this.

he could actually have been the boss of the gang with the amount of tasks and dirty work he takes on

HOWEVER...

jooseok has a huge secret and this is that recently he’s started attending college again and taken on night classes to study law and learn more about the police force so he can become a genuine crime detective. he is also undertaking training for the police force.

the lifestyle and career of the police force has always been his dream and his goal but with his limited education it was never something he could achieve alongside his gang life. this is why he jumped at the chance to at least do something undercover with the police and despite playing dirty cop, use it to do something good, vigilante like if you will.

joo can’t keep his secret forever though, his gang are getting wind of what’s going on and soon he’s going to have to go into hiding. despite the gang being his family, hits will be issued on him until he is eliminated and killed. simply put he is considered a traitor the minute he gives up gang life, and he knows far too much to simply be allowed to walk free possibly giving away all their secrets and intel. because it is a family business there are severe consequences for him turning away from what is considered his duty and responsibility.

joo = big be gay, do crime type energy. he’s abrasive and amoral but he’s also nurturing and naturally smart and talented at everything he puts his passion into. he’s resourceful and crazy adaptable and he’s equal parts a protector as much as he is a fighter. he can be broody and blunt but he can also be witty and hilarious with his dark sense of humor and somewhat messed up mind and moral code. if you’re considered close to jooseok then he’ll kill half the population of daegu easy with his own hands with no worries so long as you’re safe.

he worked undercover in america for a year so he can speak english and went by the shortened name of jo over there but most people call him seok or ong in korea to shorten his name to a nickname. he’s fluent in his english, jooseok is well known for being a quick learner in every area if u know what i mean *side eyes*

can be a bit of a fuckboy but has a big heart deep down despite it all, just keeps it concealed because of past toxic relationships and the belief taught into him from early on that any attachment to anything you don’t owe it to, would only result in weakness and vulnerability. and you don’t want people to know you have weaknesses when you do what jooseok does. *coughs* for this reason he has had a lot of pining and unrequited love situations *coughs*

he’s not that close with his parents, he keeps a strictly professional relationship with them mostly but his mum is his idol for her mentality and attitude to life. though he wishes he could achieve more than what she allowed for him to be a part of. wishes he could be normal.

OTHER LIL HEADCANONS:

joo joined the gang officially at seventeen when the initiation process took place and this was the time he met hyunjin ( @phyunjinn ) also known as his best friend and right hand man. they quickly became partners in the gang for everything, if joo had business to deal with especially the dangerous kind then nate would be by his side, acting as his protection for anyone who dared cross him and likewise he would give the same back. think kinda like alec and jace i guess as a good example with the whole parabatai bond aspect. they fight the best when they’re fighting together, and if one of them died, a huge piece of the other would die with them.

at first joo actually refused to talk to nate cause he’s a lil shit and he didn’t get why it should be important but dami urged her son, pointing out they were of similar ages and being initiated at the same time and it was important to have someone he could talk to and rely on like that. so he sidled his way over eventually and pretty easily and nonplussed like made a best friend out of the other male. they grew to have a secret code of trust between them, joo learning sign language for the male to put him at ease and also ordering the rest of the gang did the same despite complaints he quickly shut that shit down arguing they needed to be able to communicate with nate in his way to ensure his safety faster if need ever be. ( but for him personally, he learnt because he wanted to be able to talk to nate in the way that comes most naturally to the male )

in college he’s considered a soft jock type, heart of gold but he’s very physically attractive and a bit of a heart throb and definitely considered sporty despite also being very musically driven.

PLOT IDEAS:

joo needs some college friends, musically talented people he can consider study buddies, he was actually almost an idol once when he nearly signed on with a company because of how musically talented he is as a producer and songwriter - typically he only writes for close friends and always ensures the lyrics feel truthful and genuine to his friend’s stories but yeah give me people he is encouraged by with that and just able to be himself with.

friends from america potentially as well

other criminal underground kinda connections bc u know keeps business thriving to link up with other famously dangerous people and work together.

i would so love a good cop,bad cop type thing where someone who he’s on the police force with or is also training to be in the police force with him is genuine and legit and knows he isn’t and is kinda like shunning tf outta him for it but also trying to teach him how to be better without even realizing it and sort of having their mind changed on how simple good and bad is bc actually there is kind of a grey area which joo belonged to.

ex’s of course

as much as i love friends who don’t know about joo’s other life, i’d also love some friends who did and were hella concerned bc like siren noises what is this boi doing he’s gonna get himself killed and does he even cAre bc he fuckin should

roomies plssss

enemies and rivals are always welcome too maybe ppl who dislike him for turning away from the crime life and going straight or whatever rlly i also rlly like the idea of someone who sort of admired him and has a personal grudge bc he was so good at being a criminal and he made such a legacy and then he just abandoned it and they feel he wasted it or something

#daegu:intro #daeguintro

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sheepsandcattle · 5 years

Text

Chapter 5

When his parents split up, Curly wasn’t really at home for most of it - not as far as he can remember, at least. He doesn’t even remember crying over it at any point after that one time; the day they sat him down at the kitchen table to explain it all.

He remembers his dad crying though; remembers him smoking in the garden even though he’d never seen him do it before. Remembers spending some time with Brandon, probably to keep him away from the brutality of his old man packing up his things and leaving his home.

He can’t remember how long it was that he stayed with his best friend, but there were countless nights spent whispering under covers, giggling past bedtime and dozing off before they could even say ‘goodnight.’

He remembers forgetting about the things happening at home.

One night at Brandon’s house, Curly had found his mind drifting for the first and only time during his miniature-break down the road, to his parents and their home and the office that was his dad’s and “what will we do with it now? What will we put in there? Where will he go?”

“It’s quite fun, you know,” Brandon had said. “My dad’s house is better colours than mum’s.”

Curls had sighed. “My dad might get lonely.”

Brandon had sounded so sure - had frowned as he said, “no he won’t," like it shouldn’t have needed to be said at all.

“Why not?” He rubbed his eyes; far past their bedtime again, and the heat they’d trapped under the blanket was making him even sleepier.

Brandon shrugged. “Same reason I don’t get lonely,” he explained and placed a hand on Curly’s shoulder that made his friend seem more grown-up than he was a few seconds before.

Brandon smiled like he was too shy to say any more, but he didn’t need to. Curly wasn’t too shy (never was), leaning over to wrap him up in a hug.

***

A few months melt into one another. He’s not sure where a few of the weeks go. Maybe he was sleeping; his body and his brain becoming mutually exclusive for a while.

The ‘being more careful’ thing he promised to Dean isn’t going great due to unforeseen circumstances.

He doesn’t have his rubbish job anymore. Doesn’t like to think about it too much because it makes his head fog up and his jaw ache. That’s what happens when he gets stressed, he’s discovered. Smoking helps calm him.

His manager was kind enough to pay him a week’s notice when she fired him at the beginning of December, even after weeks of coming into work absolutely steaming after late nights, and leaving early when his highs just didn’t wear off right.

She’d said, “enjoy the holidays, Curly. You’ll be alright,” and hugged him goodbye.

He is alright as well. He’s making okay money and he’s brought his mum some bits for her kitchen for Christmas because she has a boyfriend now and he doesn’t love the orange and green theme she has right now.

Curly’s selling all sorts; drugs that even he hasn’t tried and some more that he’s tested for the sake of knowing what he’s talking about. Some he’s dabbled in more than he planned to.

Regardless, it’s all under control, all in the name of a good time and good money and, when Christmas does roll around, he spends it with his mother’s parents, almost perfectly sober with just a little pot in his system to take the edge off.

He applied for some jobs but he hasn’t heard off any of them. Yet. It’s been two weeks since he gave up.

His mum asks if he’s feeling okay when she catches him staring across the table at nothing in particular, but he’s always gotten overwhelmed at family dinners like this, so it’s easily excusable. His grandparents don’t seem to notice; they only used to see him two or three times a year when they’d visit England, so he’s not sure they even know what his natural state is.

He wonders if that’s just what happens when you don’t see a lot of someone, even if you trick yourself into thinking you’ve some kind of unwavering blood-bond with them. He wonders if his grandparents feel a little bit awkward around him just like he does with them, or if it’s different because they’re older and cherish him in a different way entirely.

He wonders if that’s what it will be like with Genie as she continues to grow up without him.

“Gosh, Elliot,” his grandma would say every time they’d meet again. “You’re so handsome” and, “you’re still growing!” He’ll never forget her face when he tried growing stubble just after high school and how she’d said, “oh stop! Stay young forever!”

Now he’s clean-shaven and his skin is as bad as it was when he was fourteen, and his grandmother doesn’t say that he’s handsome today, just that he looks older. He doesn’t feel very handsome; sleepy and achey. Looking older doesn’t feel as good as it used to. It feels like dry skin and shooting pains, cramping jaws and headaches.

He’s with his family though, and he’s happy nonetheless. They look happy too, so it’s all fine.

It’s all fine.

His mum’s buzzing because, thanks to Curls, she’s got a kettle again with a toaster to match and insisted that everyone had a brew after dinner, so his grandparents are in the lounge now, watching the telly with a cup of tea each. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, his mum gives him a haircut -shorter at the sides, neater on the top- whilst Curly chats to her new boyfriend about The Cure. It turns out Dom has great taste and is an all-round really nice guy.

He doesn’t feel so bad now for missing so many of his mum’s calls.

As he walks back into the lounge with his new haircut, his grandma says, “very handsome,” and he feels a bit less trodden down and a bit younger again.

***

And then January is slow and dull and he doesn’t get out of the house much really unless he’s dealing drugs or buying more fags.

He’s not sure when he got so caught up with Jules’ and Oscar’s shit. Not sure when this thing started where he trails behind them while they do deals of their own, or while they huddle in parks and fields and alleyways with dodgy people he doesn’t know to share a hit of whatever it is they fancy that night.

He gets sad sometimes. Lonely like he used to be. Heroin helps; makes everything in the world feel fine. Only in dire situations, though.

Still, January has him caught up in the half-there place. He forgets a lot. Jules gets frustrated because he’s always forgetting the daftest things he says when he’s high. He makes promises he can’t remember when he’s sober, but his roommate is kind - kind enough to let him off the hook for most of the things he owes him these days.

Drugs and money, that is. A few apologies here and there too, after nights cut short thanks to Curly’s weak stomach or empty skull or whatever else it is that demands he goes home immediately.

***

February.

What a blur it is. A girl tries to kiss him outside a club that he doesn’t manage to sneak into because he’s too young or too far gone or a combination of both. He feels shy and weird and says, “sorry love, I’m just a bit drunk,” because he feels too guilty to simply say ‘no.’

Fooled, the girl calls him a gentleman and gives him her number on a receipt but he loses it on the walk home - can’t even remember taking it out of his pocket. Can’t even remember walking home at all. Jules says he tried to smoke it which Curly thinks is fucking hilarious but doesn’t remember it and therefore decides he’s talking bollocks.

February. A Valentines party in his apartment.

Turns out ‘party’ means the usual five-man circle (together again) drinking and smoking and pretending they have an excuse to do it. They’re still laughing about the girl at the club last week, Oscar says, “maybe you’re gay,” but it’s only a joke. He remembers more laughing and drinking and having a good night until Jules offers him a line of coke for free, to sober him up a bit. Jeff says “don’t,” says “slow down,” says “take it as a sign to stop,” but he does anyway. It’s free. He doesn’t remember losing track and overdoing it.

He remembers waking up in Dean and Jeff’s apparent with sick on his top the next day.

Still February. His birthday.

Calling his dad in the morning is hard. Speaking to Genie and crying in his bedroom for some daft reason isn’t nice either. She’s forgot about a World War II project she was meant to do, is breaking her heart about it.

Spending a few hours on google and writing five-hundred words for her and figuring out how to send it in an email because the thought of her standing in front of her class with nowt to say kills him. She says there’s loads of spelling mistakes but she loves the bit about the Spitfires and he’s “the best brother in the world.”

Crying again when he gets off the phone because he’s a mard-arse apparently and he just misses her, alright?

He forgets to call Brandon - again.

He remembers going to a party and flirting with a boy called Robbie. Doesn’t realise he was flirting until he’s remembering later… Almost kissing him, feeling shy and weird, telling him, “I’m sorry love, I’m just a bit drunk,” because he feels guilty - again.

Robbie says “me too, I don’t mind,” but Curly does, so they don’t.

He remembers meeting Jules in the bathroom for another hit that night, hearing two men yelling in a cubicle of a club he cannot remember getting into, and then watching one of them storm out. The guy looks at Jules, dark brows pinched as he drags a hand through near-white hair and says, “the fuck are you looking at, red?” Then he rucks his denim jacket back over his shoulders and shoves past them on his way out.

He doesn’t remember taking the hit, blacking out.

He remembers waking up in Dean and Jeff’s apartment again with a black eye this time. They don’t wanna hang out with Jules anymore. He doesn’t ask why ‘cause he doesn’t wanna know.

The three of them spend the next day together and it finally all slows down.

They watch Trainspotting because Curly hasn’t seen it in ages and Jeff and Dean haven’t seen it at all. Curly remembers that day more than any other that month.

They just talk after the film - no more telly, no music, nothing. They just talk and talk about daft things they’ve all done and said. Silly stories and memories that Curly thinks are happy until he says them out loud and they all seem to make him feel sad.

“You miss England,” Jeff tells him like it’s something Curly really needs to know. He supposes he’s forgotten to acknowledge it recently.

“I miss my family,” he says. Brandon too - misses having a friendship that feels unconditional.

They get weed-high in the evening and all get ‘choose life’ tattoos that same night - Curly’s on his knee, Jeff’s on his shin and Dean’s on his bicep. Curly does Dean’s for him because he can’t get the angle right himself. He panics because it’s wonky but Dean says “it’s perfect.”

“Can I borrow it?” Curly asks, handing the tattoo gun back to his mate.

“Absolutely fucking not,” Jeff answers for Dean, who laughs and adds, “I’ll have to teach you first.”

Curls says, “mint,” because yeah, he supposes it sounds like a better plan than jabbing the needle in and hoping for the best.

Trainspotting is their favourite film now, even though Jeff and Dean struggle to understand the accents and think it’s an ‘inaccurate representation.’

Of Britain or addiction, Curly’s not sure. How would they know, anyway?

Jeff drives him home a little before midnight and Jules is passed out on the sofa with a bag of frozen peas on the ground beside him. His arm hangs over the edge of the couch and his knuckles are bruised but Curly doesn’t ask why because he doesn’t wanna know.

Oscar’s in the kitchen and he says “oh, you’re back,” and pours three mugs of coffee.

“Course I am,” Curly replies and they both hear Jules groan in the living room. His eyes dart towards the door and then back towards Oscar again and he whispers, “have we fallen out?”

Oscar chuckles, shakes his head. “It’s not you, man. Jules just gets like that. Don’t cry ‘bout it.”

He doesn’t know what he’s not crying over, but he nods anyway and, after that, nobody talks about whatever it is that happened the night before.

That evening he calls Brandon and they both (pretend not to) sulk over the phone. Brandon isn’t lonely - says he’s met a girl, and Curly is jealous but he’s happy for him. He doesn’t tell him how lonely it gets here, just tells him the best parts that make Brandon say, “mate, I’m so jealous, but I’m so happy for you,” but it doesn’t sound as sad when Brandon says it as it does when Curly thinks it.

He remembers saying he’s tried, but he can’t remember falling asleep.

#Reading Rules of Attraction honestly helped me understand my OWN writing style so much more wow #ch #ch5 #writing

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preserving-ferretbrain · 5 years

Text

City of Celluloid

by Dan H

Sunday, 01 September 2013

Dan has seen the City of Bones movie.

Uh-oh! This is in the Axis of Awful...~

I first reviewed Cassandra Cla(i)re's City of Bones in the halcyon days of 2008.

Today, Kyra and I went to see the movie!

Umm...

Long time readers (or people who read the review I linked to above) may recall that I found the original book of City of Bones so blisteringly incoherent that I was barely able to write about it in any kind of sensible manner.

The movie is worse.

Kyra and I saw this film in the tiny, crappy screen at the Odeon on Magdalen Street, an experience we shared with about a dozen other people, all of whom seemed to be having a similarly terrible experience.

Just as with the original book, I really don't know where to start. Because this film is awful in nearly every conceivable way.

Let's start with the good bits:

Good Bit: The Cast are Actually Pretty Cool

Jamie Campbell-Bower is actually really good as Fanon Draco. In the book, I felt that his constant wisecracking revealed less about the character's emotional turmoil than about the author's desire to show off her ability to write one-liners. Campbell-Bower's delivery, though, actually manages to create the impression that I always felt the book was aiming for but failed to achieve – that Fanon Draco is hiding behind playful or dismissive language in order to avoid confronting his feelings.

Lily Collins is a bit generic as Clary but then, really, what does she have to work with. She's … a girl? She has special powers? She's hot for Fanon Draco?

Robert Sheehan (the guy that plays Immortal Kid in Misfits) does a reasonable turn as Simon, although again there isn't a huge amount to do with the character. He wears glasses (temporarily). He has a raging case of nice-guy-syndrome. Meh. I swear he's taller in this than he is in other stuff.

Perhaps most excitingly (even more excitingly than Jamie Campbell-Bower, and I love Jamie Campbell-Bower), Jonathan Rhys Meyers does a fabulously scenery-chewing turn as Valentine. And boy does he need it, because if he stopped raging around and roaring for ten seconds, you might have to ask yourself what the holy fucking hell is actually supposed to be happening, and then you'd probably have to go and cry.

Incidentally, I think it probably says something about the way things work in Hollywood that the teenage protagonists of this film are played by actors in their mid twenties, while their father is played by an actor in his mid thirties. Clearly Valentine was extraordinarily sexually precocious (even if we ignore the fact that Collins and Campbell-Bower are the best part of a decade older than the characters they portray, Rhys-Meyers' Valentine would still have to have started breeding at nineteen to have two seventeen-year-old kids).

Good Bit: It Is Quite Visually Interesting

Part of the fun of this kind of film is that it lends itself quite well to spectacle, and in the beginning the film-makers do a really good job of establishing a visual style, whether it's the Hogwarts-esque grandeur of the institute, the hundreds of Shadowhunter runes that Clary draws in her sleep, or the grotesque, body-splitting demons.

Some of these images might come from the book. I honestly don't remember. I'm pretty sure that the device of Clary drawing Shadowhunter runes is film-only, and I seem to recall that the entire concept of Demons being able to possess people is contrary to book-canon (where Demons are fairly specifically greebly monsters that eat you).

Having said the film is quite visually interesting, I should backtrack a little and say that the film is quite visually interesting in kind of its first half. After they get to the Institute things just get very, very lazy. Big generic flappy-winged monsters. Generic black-and-red demons who look weirdly like the dudes that the Zin send after you in Saints' Row IV

Although Valentine does make a pentagram out of swords. For which plus ten points for swords, minus six points because the pentagram is such an obvious symbol.

And now the rest:

Bad Bit: What The Fuck Is Going On?

So Clary is drawing runes. Then she meets a guy who only she can see. Then later other people can see him.

Then her mum gets attacked by dudes who are looking for the Mortal Cup, so she drinks some kind of magic coma potion because that is apparently the thing you do in that situation.

Then Clary gets attacked by a demon, and the guy rescues her.

Then they do a lot of running around, and the guy who we saw with her mum earlier said he was only hanging out with her to get the cup.

Then they go to this place called the institute. Some people are vaguely rude to Clary. Others aren't.

Clary works out that Damien from Gossip Girl is both gay and in love with Fanon Draco, despite the fact that he has said one sentence and been on screen for eight seconds.

Then Clary goes to see the Silent Brothers. This is one of the bits that are vaguely visually interesting. She has a vision where she sees the name Bane (well, actually she see a series of dots, but Fanon Draco realises that the dots are really, umm, the spaces around the letters in the word BANE witten in block caps. Because her brain stored the negative image. Apparently).

Then they go to see a Warlock. It is vitally important that before they do this that (a) Clary get dressed up in sexy clothes and (b) everybody including Clary take the time to observe that she looks like a hooker, because while it is important for women to dress sexily, it is also important to remember that women who dress sexily are gigantic whores.

The warlock agrees to help them because he is gay, and therefore fancies Damien from Gossip Girl, because all gay men are instantly attracted to all other gay men. The warlock is not wearing any trousers. I am not making this up.

The Immortal Kid from Misfits is captured by vampires for no clear reason.

Something something werewolves something something.

Then there is a scene in a garden where it is all romantic and you know it is romantic because they kiss, but also because there is an extraordinarily loud and intrusive love song played over the top.

Then I think Clary works out where the Mortal Cup is, because she is drinking tea while reading a book, and suddenly the teacup goes inside the page like a picture.

Then they fight a scary black woman.

Then Clary gets the Mortal Cup. Then the man with the grey hair opens the big water portal and Valentine comes through.

Then there is a really, really long fight scene.

No, I mean, like really, really long.

I mean, like half an hour in a two hour movie.

There is a flamethrower. Why is there a flamethrower?

Clary does magic with her glowing dildo pen to freeze some demons.

Did I mention flamethrower?

Grey hair man is a good guy again?

Valentine is everybody's father.

They win?

More glowing dildo magic?

Clary and Fanon Draco drive away on a motorcycle. At a slow walking pace.

Potentially Hilarious Bit: Deviations From Canon

The thing I find most uplifting about the Mortal Instruments movie is that now not only will there be fanfiction based on a novel series based on fanfiction of a different novel series, but there will now be schisms within that fandom between book fans and movie fans.

I read City of Bones five years ago, so I don't really remember it at all well, but I'm pretty sure there were some pretty big changes from book-canon. I'm almost certain that the final confrontation in the original book doesn't take place in the Institute, and Valentine's motivations in the movie are a lot less morally ambiguous, in that he's fairly explicitly trying to take over the world with an army of demons rather than just wipe out the downworlders (I might also point out that the word “downworlder” only appears once in the entire movie).

At the risk of sounding like a horrible nerd and closeted Cla(i)re fanboy, I was strangely irritated by the fact that Valentine, in the film, is able to summon an army of demons by using sort of generic magic, since in the book of City of Ashes a major plot-point is that he needs the Mortal Sword for exactly that purpose.

Other changes form canon just made sense. For example, in the film, Valentine more or less states outright that he used the same kind of memory magic that Marcus Bane used on Clary in order to make Fanon Draco forget that he was raised by the most famous and reviled person in the history of his people. Now actually I'm pretty sure that this isn't possible under book-canon. Shadowhunter magic is runes and only runes, you'd need a warlock for a memory-block, and there's no way that Valentine would have gone to one. But here the film-makers did basically the best they could with what they had. The alternative would be to just go with what it says in the book, which is that Fanon Draco just completley failed to realise that the man who raised him looked exactly like the man whose picture is all over the Institute.

The film also strongly implied that the man Fanon Draco remembered as his father wore an enormous hood at all times.

On the subject of Fanon Draco's heritage, the film inexplicably chose to keep the nonsensical “M turned upside down” plot point from the book, and translated to a visual medium it has exactly the problem I pointed out in my original article. During the climactic scene, when Fanon Draco is staring at his hand and realising to his horror that what he thought was a W is actually an M, the camera is showing us the ring from the other side as it has more or less consistently throughout the entire movie so we are only just seeing it as a W when for us it has been an M for the rest of the film.

Also, the scene with the ring is also pretty much the first time we learn the surnames of either Valentine or Fanon Draco.

The final change from book-canon is to do with the … umm … incest.

A major plot point in The Mortal Instruments is that Clary and Fanon Draco want to be together but can't because they're brother and sister. At the end of the final book, it turns out that Valentine actually isn't Fanon Draco's father at all, he just did weird angel-blood experiments on him while he was still in the womb.

Now I could be wrong, but I think the film-makers really didn't want two and a half movies in which their male and female leads spent half their time seriously contemplating incestuous sex, so they put the “not his real father” line in before any of the other revelations. So now after Valentine shows up in the Institute, he has a conversation with Hodge, where Hodge says “hey, if you really wanted to screw with those guys you could lie and tell them they were brother and sister.” This somewhat alters the context of everything that happens next, and everything that will happen in the next two films.

So umm, yeah. That's City of Bones: the Movie. It may actually be worse than the book.Themes:

TV & Movies

Cassandra Clare

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~Comments (

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http://ronanwills.wordpress.com/

at 14:01 on 2013-09-01Robert Sheehan is in this? I'm really hoping he's destined for better things, so this better not end up derailing his career.

Anyway, I was hoping to see a review of the movie on here so now I can satisfy my curiosity without actually watching it myself. I have to admit some of the clips they released actually looked fairly entertaining, but I guess they're not indicative of the movie itself.

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Dan H

at 15:22 on 2013-09-01I think it depends on what you mean by "indicative". There are certainly a lot of entertaining clips, it's just that there's nothing stringing them together. It's like the film is a two hour long trailer.

This is more or less exactly the same problem that I had with the book. There are quite a lot of cool scenes, but they just sort of happen one after the other with no real throughline or sense of arc.

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Fishing in the Mud

at 15:44 on 2013-09-01I'm kind of morbidly curious about what keeps the Clare train going. It looks like she's making money off her work and everything, but I have to wonder how she feels about the terrible reviews her work gets even from critics who like and praise popular writers like Whedon and Rowling. Something tells me the poor woman isn't just in this for the money.

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Arthur B

at 22:24 on 2013-09-01

Isn't this part of the usual weirdness with American media wanting to cast teenagers in sexually provocative roles but not, for obvious reasons, wanting to show actual (or even simulated) underage action on screen? I literally just started watching

Vampire Diaries

and half my viewing time so far has been spent yelling at the screen WHY ARE YOU STILL IN SCHOOL GET A JOB YOU SLACKERS

(Though to be fair, the fact that all the high schoolers are grown-ass adults makes the whole thing less creepy in some ways.)

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Cressida

at 22:55 on 2013-09-01A video review from The Nostalgia Chick; I'm curious what Ferretbrainers think...

http://blip.tv/nostalgia-chick/the-next-whatever-the-mortal-instruments-and-ya-adaptations-6635563

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Arthur B

at 23:19 on 2013-09-01My thoughts are "Woah, holy shit, a TGWTG reviewer who offers interesting insights and doesn't rely heavily on gimmicks, fake rage and wAcKy ChArAcTeRs, how rare is that?"

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Michal

at 00:56 on 2013-09-02I was actually about to post that video. Needless to say, I find her points to be very good ones.

My thoughts are "Woah, holy shit, a TGWTG reviewer who offers interesting insights and doesn't rely heavily on gimmicks, fake rage and wAcKy ChArAcTeRs, how rare is that?"

The good ones gather at Chez Apocalypse. Kyle Kallgren of

Brows Held High

is also very erudite and worth watching, especially his more recent videos. (Even better, the crossover between Nostalgia Chick and Brows Held High in which they review

Freddy Got Fingered

is truly something to behold)

I'm kind of morbidly curious about what keeps the Clare train going.

There are very few writers who are purely in it for the money, even the bad ones. I can assure you E.L. James probably enjoyed writing

Fifty Shades of Grey

very much and did not think "my

Twilight

fanfic will make millions!" But if there is a sentiment towards material gain behind Clare's work and writing, it can probably be summed up by

this enormous tour bus

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Fishing in the Mud

at 17:04 on 2013-09-02

I can assure you E.L. James probably enjoyed writing Fifty Shades of Grey very much and did not think "my Twilight fanfic will make millions!"

No doubt. But with Clare, I get the sense she doesn't want to write dreck and doesn't want people to think she writes dreck, but may not fully understand how to get better.

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http://wrongquestions.blogspot.com/

at 09:10 on 2013-09-03

with Clare, I get the sense she doesn't want to write dreck and doesn't want people to think she writes dreck

Obviously there's a non-trivial number of people who don't think that she writes dreck. She was a massively successful fanfic author, after all, to the extent of getting a professional publishing contract off her fanfic (and despite her books' debt to Harry Potter, unlike E.L. James she hasn't sold her fanfic; she had to write something from scratch and sell that). And I have seen other YA authors rave about her, though it's not clear to me how much of this is liking the books and how much liking her. Either way, she's got a community (and readers) who give her validation, and if the film of her book has been panned it will be pretty easy for her and her fans to take this as the result of adaptation decay rather than a reflection on the source material.

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Dan H

at 13:11 on 2013-09-03To be fair to Cla(i)re, I do think she's improved over the years. City of Bones was a gigantic incoherent mess. City of Ashes was a slightly less incoherent mess, City of Glass and Clockwork Angel were sort of okay. I mean they still had all of the annoying stuff that I'd expected from Clare's writing, but they actually told a story that made some modicum of sense.

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Alice

at 13:52 on 2013-09-03Either way, she's got a community (and readers) who give her validation, and if the film of her book has been panned it will be pretty easy for her and her fans to take this as the result of adaptation decay rather than a reflection on the source material.

This should be taken with a massive pinch of salt and a [citation needed], but the impression I got was that during the film production process, Clare had talked a lot about how closely involved with the film she was, but once it became clear the film was a flop, she backpedalled and began downplaying her involvement.

Then again, she's not in the business of making films, she's in the business of selling books, and she's pretty good at that.

And I have seen other YA authors rave about her, though it's not clear to me how much of this is liking the books and how much liking her.

Wasn't Maureen Johnson accused of being part of a YA Mafia (including Johnson and Clare) who were somehow all in cahoots and conspiring to get each other published? Because there happened to be a bunch of (aspiring/new) YA authors living in NYC at the same time who were friends and liked to hang out and write together, and happened to all get published to varying degrees of success/popularity? It all seemed a bit storm-in-a-teacup-ish to me, because, well, they were all in the same business, in the same city, and about the same age. And once two or three people become friends they're likely to make friends with each other's friends, especially if you're all in the same boat like that. And sure, they might have been able to help each other with getting agents and that sort of thing, but that's not quite the same thing as getting your friend published & on the bestseller list...

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http://alula-auburn.livejournal.com/

at 19:51 on 2013-09-03I've found the commercials amazingly bad, even for the parameters "that type of thing." Like, it's possible I've blocked it out, but I don't recall the Twilight ads looking so badly put together, in terms of picking out lines to quote or images to use.

Of course, I don't quite see how all the people involved in making a film didn't get the difference between something like Harry Potter or Twilight, which for better or worse penetrated the wider culture (even my extremely pop-cultural illiterate dad could identify Harry Potter as something with a school of wizards, and Twilight as vampires) and this--I think if you didn't have at least some sense of what the books were about the commercials would look even more pointless. (Which was kind of how I felt about the other YA fantasy flop? Beautiful Creatures? Southern accents and witches or something? I still don't know.)

I've not read the TMI (lol) books, but I did read the somewhat-annotated Draco trilogy in an overwrought, sleep-deprived unmedicated-for-a-chronic-pain-condition haze, and I can vaguely see how her style could be sort of compelling for the right sort of pretentious youthful mindset. (I didn't know about the plagiarism stuff then--I barely had a sense of fandom; I was a total naif.) But how it's held up to much more than that I don't know. I also don't know anything about TMI fandom--if the books have much if any staying power outside either that brief, pretentious adolescent window (which can almost be endearing in its own way) or the somewhat incestuous-seeming YA reviews. But there are adults, I guess, who find the ponderous self-absorption of the Twilight books (at least, that's the tone I saw in the quoted lines I read) to be good and profound writing.

That said, I find John Green tiresome and the bit of Maureen Johnson I read didn't do much for me. I don't know if I've had bad luck lately in my YA choices (I read Thirteen Reasons Why because I got it for free), but I've seen a lot more of that faux-deep heavy tone, which to me does not indicate a "maturing" of YA. (But I have personal reasons to be snippy about "literary" YA, so.)

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Alice

at 20:44 on 2013-09-04I've found the commercials amazingly bad, even for the parameters "that type of thing."

I don't know that I thought they were that unusually terrible (within the parameters of "that type of thing", at least), but I was confused by the number of English accents on display, particularly Jace's. Is he meant to be/sound English*, or is it just that Jamie Campbell Bower can't do a US accent?

*I don't remember him being pegged as English in the book, but I read that years ago and don't remember the details.

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Cammalot

at 21:42 on 2013-09-04One odd thing -- virtually every review I've read of this film has complained that Jayce is "a thousand years old" or similar and either doesn't act it, or shouldn't be macking on Clary at his age. Is that something that the film made particularly confusing? I don't recall him or any other forefront character being anything like an immortal in the book -- I mainly remember Isabelle being 14 and acting a bit precociously vampy.

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Dan H

at 19:26 on 2013-09-05@Alice

That confused me as well. I don't think I've ever *heard* him do an American accent, but the guy is an actor, surely he can learn? Is it that Valentine has an English accent because he's the villain, and Jace has an English accent because he was raised by Valentine? Or am I giving the film too much credit.

@Cammalot

One odd thing -- virtually every review I've read of this film has complained that Jayce is "a thousand years old" or similar and either doesn't act it, or shouldn't be macking on Clary at his age. Is that something that the film made particularly confusing?

*Everything* in the film is particularly confusing. The film makes no real attempt to explain anything, and there's one line where Jace says something about his people having been doing something "for a thousand years" and the way he says it I can see why somebody who wasn't familiar with Cla(i)re's work might think he was talking from personal experience.

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Fishing in the Mud

at 00:04 on 2013-09-06Fanon Draco must retain his English accent to remain fuckworthy. This point is not negotiable.

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Dan H

at 01:14 on 2013-09-06A tiny part of me is *incredibly* sad that they didn't cast Tom Felton as Jace.

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Cheriola

at 04:31 on 2013-09-06

While I agree that the wish to sexualise teenagers is probably part of the practise of

Dawson Casting

, the reasons for it are also based in labour laws. It's much less of a hassle to work with adults who can work a full day and don't still have to get high school lessons on the side / won't suddenly leave the franchise in order to start college. And you don't run into problems like the Harry Potter movies with teen actors who age faster than their characters or suddenly look a lot different than their characters are supposed to. (e.g. the actor playing Neville became quite handsome.) Plus, even if there is the occasional prodigy, most actors really do need drama school before being anywhere close to good enough to portray actual characters, instead of just being 'cute'.

Clearly Valentine was extraordinarily sexually precocious (even if we ignore the fact that Collins and Campbell-Bower are the best part of a decade older than the characters they portray, Rhys-Meyers' Valentine would still have to have started breeding at nineteen to have two seventeen-year-old kids).

Really? It's considered "precocious" to be a horny 19-year-old egomaniac who doesn't use condoms? Seems in keeping with the power-high invincibility complex and the lack of care for other people's problems that usually characterise a stereotypical villain like that. I mean, it's not him that would have to care the baby, unless he wants to.

Also, the scene with the ring is also pretty much the first time we learn the surnames of either Valentine or Fanon Draco.

I've skim-read the book article to know what you're even talking about, and... Wait, his surname is Morgenstern?! She took a character who was a blatant Hitler metaphor and made him ethnically Jewish? That... Wow.

One can only hope that she simply wanted a German name (because all Germans are Nazis...) and thought it would be cute to use one that doubled as a Lucifer reference (it means "morning star"), and that she simply didn't do any research on German name origins. [It's one of those names that the Jewish population of the Holy Roman Empire chose when they were forced to adopt surnames in the 18th century. Usually it's pretty-sounding compound words not refering to a profession - like Goldblum(e) ("golden flower"), Bernstein ("amber") or Lilienthal ("valley of lilies").]

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Fishing in the Mud

at 11:55 on 2013-09-06I think some reviewer pointed out that the "Morgenstern" thing is one more reason the film won't work for anyone old enough to remember

Rhoda

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Alice

at 14:09 on 2013-09-06I've skim-read the book article to know what you're even talking about, and... Wait, his surname is Morgenstern?! She took a character who was a blatant Hitler metaphor and made him ethnically Jewish? That... Wow.

Well, Cassandra Clare is herself Jewish, so I imagine she was aware of what she was doing when she introduced the Morgenstern reference (along with its cultural/historical baggage). :-)

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Cheriola

at 15:37 on 2013-09-06Really? Huh. Well, it's her right then, I suppose. I just wonder what went through her mind that she thought saying "Yeah, our guys could be just as bad, given half a chance" and feeding into 'zionists want world domination' myths was a good idea.

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Arthur B

at 15:43 on 2013-09-06Is it not possible for Clare to be both Jewish

and

ignorant of the name's history, so she plucked a name which sounded German to her out of thin air without researching it?

I suspect she was going for the "Morgenstern = Morning Star = Lucifer" deal rather than the "Morgenstern = Jew" angle, after all.

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Alice

at 16:14 on 2013-09-06Is it not possible for Clare to be both Jewish and ignorant of the name's history, so she plucked a name which sounded German to her out of thin air without researching it?

I suppose it's possible, but I'd honestly be very surprised if she didn't read Morgenstern as sounding Jewish, even if she didn't know about the historical origins of the name.

I suspect she was going for the "Morgenstern = Morning Star = Lucifer" deal rather than the "Morgenstern = Jew" angle, after all.

Yeah, same. I suppose the thing with Morgenstern is that it's an obvious enough reference that her readers are fairly likely to catch it (and feel all clever and intellectual), while still being a recognisable surname. (She could have used the Greek form if she'd wanted to be more pretentious than usual, but "(h)eosphoros" doesn't really lend itself to turning into a surname that's easily pronounceable in English.)

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Dan H

at 17:53 on 2013-09-06

Really? It's considered "precocious" to be a horny 19-year-old egomaniac who doesn't use condoms?

I was thinking more of the scenario in which he'd started having kids at eleven rather than nineteen (and I'm using "precocious" here in the sense of "premature" rather than "talented"). Although even nineteen doesn't *really* make sense if we look at the way that the history is played up - it's never suggested that Valentine got Jocelyn pregnant accidentally, or that he had kids unusually young.

Valentine is clearly *supposed* to be in his early forties at least, it's just that then he wouldn't be in the narrow window during which Hollywood decrees actors the right age to be sexy.

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Alasdair Czyrnyj

at 23:07 on 2013-09-11

oh my what a shame who could have forseen rhubarb rhubarb

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Fishing in the Mud

at 02:03 on 2013-09-12Yeah, if it hasn't managed to turn a profit in a good three weeks, I don't blame anyone for backing off. The standards for bestselling books are a whole lot lower than for movie blockbusters.

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Dan H

at 16:02 on 2013-09-12

The standards for bestselling books are a whole lot lower than for movie blockbusters.

I assume you mean "the revenues expected from bestselling books are a whole lot lower than the revenues expected from movie blockbusters". Because for most other expectations (plot, characterization, that sort of thing), bestselling books and blockbuster movies are pretty much on par.

Also: I've been poking around the forums on Rotten Tomatoes and some of the discussions are hilarious. I particularly like the people complaining about Jace having a British accent, and the other people saying "No, that makes sense. They grew up in Idris, which is in Europe, so they'd naturally have picked up British accents."

Because all European people have British accents, you guys.

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Cammalot

at 20:11 on 2013-09-12

Because all European people have British accents, you guys.

I've long enjoyed listening to the variety of accents with which Swedish people speak English. (This is a tangent, but not a joke. There was a little honest-to-goodness rivalry in one of my classes between the ones who'd learned with a North American/U.S. accent and the ones who'd learned received pronunciation [capitalize?] -- two of these were siblings on opposite sides -- and they all ganged up on the lone Norwegian.)

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Dan H

at 22:37 on 2013-09-12

This is a tangent, but not a joke.

Three Swedes walk into a schwa?

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Shim

at 23:10 on 2013-09-12

Three Swedes walk into a schwa?

...and say "əw!"?

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Fishing in the Mud

at 01:16 on 2013-09-13

I assume you mean "the revenues expected from bestselling books are a whole lot lower than the revenues expected from movie blockbusters".

Right, sorry about the word salad. Yesterday was a long day.

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http://elsurian.livejournal.com/

at 05:24 on 2013-09-13In the halcyon days of 2008

Jesus Christ, has this franchise really been around for 5 years?

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Cammalot

at 18:13 on 2013-09-13

Three Swedes walk into a schwa?

Hee.

I want to make some sort of vegetable-based pun now, but I got nothin'.

Jesus Christ, has this franchise really been around for 5 years?

And going on what, nine books? (Gotta admire the productivity.)

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Dan H

at 19:05 on 2013-09-13Is anybody else feeling really freaking old right about now?

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Cammalot

at 19:55 on 2013-09-13Yes!

(Although that's partly because at today's freelance gig, I just met a coworker who was born my first year of college.)

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Dan H

at 21:58 on 2013-09-13Ouch.

I'm particularly looking forward to our next couple of GCSE intakes, which will be the point at which I start working with people who were born in the 21st century.

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Fishing in the Mud

at 00:44 on 2013-09-14Yeah, I just found out half the people I report to directly at work are younger than I am.

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#Ferretbrain #Cassandra Clare #The Mortal Instruments #Axis of Awful #Dan H

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