#my brother had to fucking move back to canada and I miss him so fucking much it’s unfair
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feeling vv abnormal about the loss of myself :\
#haven’t done anything besides school and work in like half a year#and I literally maintained my 4.0 gpa right up until this past semester but now I couldn’t give a shit about clases and my degree#i have zero motivation to do well and pass my classes even tho I’ve set myself up for another 5 years of education#i haven’t seen my best friend since last year when I used to be able to see her everyday or at the very least visit every few months#my brother had to fucking move back to canada and I miss him so fucking much it’s unfair#my younger brother is struggling and I don’t know how to talk to him or help no matter how much I reach out to him#my youngest brother is the only one I can do my best to be there for by babysitting him and trying my best to make sure he’s having fun#and learning but I’m mentally exhausted and I feel like I fail him because of it#my mom lives 15 minutes away but she’s always working or out of town and I feel like I’m intruding if I stay over for more than a few days#and I’m never able to spend time w my sister anymore like we used to#i can barely hold a conversation w my dad or stepmom no matter how hard I try I just feel like I’m too much or they don’t care#i don’t know where I’m going w this#oh yeah also I haven’t practiced anything I’ve wanted to despite my brain itching to do something productive for forever#i took my keyboard out from under my bed for the first time in a year but I can barely get out of bed#i tried looking for my sketchbook and my fucking desk drawer fell apart lmfao so I gave up on that#everything just feels so dull all the time#I’m spending hours and hours on my phone or not sleeping and then sleeping way too much at the wrong times#everyday is the same and not in a good way#this is so long and I feel like I haven’t even begun to cover how numb and lonely I feel lol#anyway I’m gonna go back to watching youtube videos instead of working on lab hw#nyah speaks
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Happy WW! Question for this lovely Americana week: If you HAD to take the boys outside of America either on a quick job or to live for awhile, where would you make them go and why? I hate that we had that quick phone call with Bobby where Sam and Dean went abroad (Scotland, I think?) and we saw NONE of it! As much as I love my red-blooded American boys, I think we've been deprived of a great plot point!
hello!! what a great question thank you!!
the short answer: I'm Canadian and would love to see some Canada action, but the only canada-related plots in TV are hamfisted and cringe, so I can't imagine what spn would actually do with that that would be good
the long answer is a snippet from a fic I'll never publish that I KNOW I've posted on tumblr before but I can't figure out where, so I'm posting it again:
"You hung over?" Dean asked. Sam shrugged.
"Nah. Took some Advil."
"Good, good." Dean let a smile spread slowly over his face. "You, uh, really had a few."
"No more than you."
"You went on your little rant again."
Sam went still and looked over. Dean's smile was cranked up to a thousand watts.
"Which rant?" Sam asked carefully.
“You know which rant. Every time I get more than four drinks in you, you find a way to bring up moving to another country and telling people that we have the same last name because we’re married.”
Sam rolled his eyes, but Dean saw his back get tight. He was embarrassed.
“Excuse me for finding creative solutions to the ongoing problem of dating my brother.”
"Have you considered not dating your brother?"
"Shut up, Dean."
Dean put his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands and made faces at him.
"This time it was Portugal. You said we could live in a seaside shack in Portugal. You were worried they weren't progressive enough, though. Then I said, if we want progressive, we're stuck with either California or Canada or maybe Oregon on a good day, and you said that wasn't far enough away, except maybe Canada."
"Would you please—"
"You know a surprising amount of Canadian lore, turns out. Have you been doing research? House hunting? I'm not moving to Canada, we'd never get guns again."
"Canada's too close," Sam grumbled. "Go away."
"Canada's big. And rural. Bet we can find a place backwards enough for our, uh, alternative lifestyle. But—"
"Alright, that's—"
"—I'd be willing to bet that any fucked-up commune that's down with the incest part would be extremely not down with the gay part—"
"Dean."
"—So maybe we'd just better keep being weird, violent hermits in Kansas for now."
"Are you done?" Sam asked, sounding physically pained.
"Are those pancakes done?"
"If it'll shut you up, they are."
"Deal."
Sam took the plate of warmed pancakes out of the oven and all but threw it down in front of Dean, leaving him to get his own utensils and syrup.
Sam had been very excited about Portugal. Dean thought it was grossly sweet, but he wasn't about to miss an opportunity to rib Sam by doing something as stupid as agreeing with him out loud. He knew it would never happen, but thinking about it made his heart turn over; two matching silver rings tapping on the railing of a balcony, sun-bleached stucco and curtains fluttering in the hot wind. Drinking vinegary pilsners and driving along a winding coastline, two old American guys with omnipresent sunburns and no past. Sam with his hair in a ponytail, reading a book under a beach umbrella.
Dean blinked and shook his head as if clearing sun spots from his vision. Maybe Sam thought about that life while he was drunk, but Dean thought about it sober. He really, really tried not to dwell on that delta. It made everything less funny.
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Ok then now tell me about these sk8 big and little boyfriends? I'm interested by the distinction of big and little, you know? :P
ok after Thee category 5 doubleblack moment and watching tristamp w my brother i'll answer this sk8 ask. then i'll go look at deathnote images saved to my phone to complete the collection of anime i care about
so you will never believe me but sk8. is about. a bunch. of skater boys. we have langa who moves to japan from canada after his dad dies bc his mom's japanese. him and his dad used to do snowboarding together but langa got lowkey depressed after his death and doesn't feel much passion for snowboarding anymore. plus he lives in beachy town now so it'd be impossible anyway
he meets reki there tho. and Oh reki is just like. the sun. they're in class together but didn't really talk (langa doesn't talk much) but they bump into each other while reki's out skating and he gets langa to try it and it just. goes downhill from there
reki takes him to S !!! which is this like super secret skaterz place that opens at night on some mountain where they have races and place bets and stuff. long story short langa finds that Spark he's missed ever since his dad died in reki and skateboarding - as in, yeah sure skating's fun but it's reki that makes his heart beat fast and not the adrenaline or whatever. it's not Skating itself that makes him happy but it's skating With Reki. they're so fucking SWEET. they have a bit of a fight halfway thru the series bc reki has some inferiority complex and langa almost loses the Spark again. it's really sweet. at some point he vaguely talks to his mom abt this fight and she assumes it's about a girl he likes so she asks him. "you LIKE this person don't you" and langa BLUSHES HE'S SO CUTE and says yeah :// so she hypes him up to go talk things out and says. good lird. "show her she's a lucky girl!!" and langa. i am quoting word for word. answers. "what girl." gay people real
and those ^ are the little boyfriends. now the BIG boyfriends ugh !! unsufferable. you got kojiro aka joe and kaoru aka cherry and we meet them at s. in fact they FOUNDED s when they were teens along w adam who's the bad guy in this show and i want him dead. joe is. built like a brickhouse and mildly italian ?? he runs a restaurant during the day and the Gang meets up there a lot he's the sweetest in the world and worries and helps the kids anytime he can i adore him. cherry's gnc af (you're insane) he's pretty as fuck and had a Punk Phase as a kid where he had a couple of piercings and emo bangs and NO ONE has ever looked better EVER but he's Mean but still Cares. when they met adam back in the day him & cherry had a lil somethin somethin going on but he ended up dumping them Both for being boring bc he's insane. i don't wanna talk abt him. so that leaves cherry & joe alone again - which is cool. they've been together since preschool they're the type to bicker and talk shit 24/7 while still always being glued to each other. they're so Horny but they won't fuck. everyone at s wonts them carnally. the kids (by this i mean reki & langa but mostly miya who's like a little shit pro skater they picked up along the way) (shoutout to the icp clown rockstar legend shadow who's the 6th and final member of The Gang) call them mom and dad Frequently and they call the gang "The Kids" an incriminating amount of times (they accidentally adopted two 16yos one 14yo and one 24yo. at age 26)
realizing i don't Know how to explain joe & cherry you kinda just have to witness them. there's this bit where cherry's explaining to The Kids how adam does one of his moves so he skates right up to joe and says "Hello..." in a. weird fucking tone and joe hisses back "You're Too Close!!!" threatheningly like he's gonna fuckin Jump him. there's this other bit during THEE beach episode where joe's flirting w some ladies (he's a manwhore) and miya grabs him pretends that he's his dad and tells him that Mommy's mad !! pointing at cherry who's like napping sexily. and joe actually looks at him and like fuckin whimpers and blushes like a virgin and all he can say for himself is THAT IS NOT YOUR MOM !!!! hello. what was that. also there's the bit where adam fuckin slams his board across cherry's face (?!?!?!?) and joe picks him up like a princess (which he calls him sometimes. princess and pinky and the likes) and gets him to the hospital and THEN cherry sneaks out of the hospital to go to joe's restaurant and falls asleep there and joe looks at him sooo tenderly and says something like "at least we aren't alone right kaoru?" and it's Sweet bc cherry has troubles sleeping but he feels safe enough to sleep around joe..... don't u wanna scream
here look at them. the kids the parents the squad
#ask#if you're don't intend on watching. well u should. it's just One season anyway. but at Least consider looking up some clips on youtube#or smth#cause they're just cute. they make me so happy
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pretty messed up that Residential Schools in Canada only ended in 1996 and were in operation for over 120+ years :// thats almost as long as Canada has been a country
#indigenous#first nations#ndn tumblr#ndn#YO SO IM DOING AN ASSIGNMENT ON TREATY HISTORY IN CANADA AND I SAW THIS AND GOT U P S E T#MAYBE IVE HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH SOJU AND MAYBE I SHOULDNT BE DRINKING AND DOING HOMEWORK?? BUT IM UPSET#thinking about my peoples history always makes me wanna cry or fight someone#and the effects of colonization are so real???? like even today?????#im applying for my masters and i SO BADLY WANT TO GO TO THESE TWO SCHOOLS!! BUT!!!!#THEY HAVE HIGH RATES OF MURDERED AND MISSING INDIGNOUS WOMEN IN THE CITIES THEYRE IN!!!! AND THAT FUCKING TERRIFIES ME!!!#WHAT IF I DIE!!!!!!! JUST CAUSE I WANTED TO LEARN???!!!!!#AND THAT I HAVE BOOBS!!!!! AND CAUSE PPL ARE FUCKING RACIST!!!! AND WONT SEE ME AS A HUMAN BEING!!!!#AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW!!!! MY BODY IS IN A FUCKING DUMPSTER AND THE POLICE WITH MAYBE APATHETICLYY CALL MY FAMILY!!!!#AND TELL THEM I WAS FUCKING RAPED AND MURDERED BUT WHO CARES!!! ITS JUST ANOTHER INDIGENOUS WOMAN SO WHATEVER RIGHT??????#i also have fears that if i ever have a kid the government will try and take them away cause the government tried to take my older brother#away from my mom but didnt cause my mom had Money at the time and a University Degree and Lived with a White Man and literally told her#that was the only reason she could keep kyle#and i think thats so scary cause my mom like literally just moved back in with my dad and if she was a single mother still they would have#taken him and i cant imagine my life without my older brother and thats SO SCARY cause the government is STILL TAKING INDIGNEOUS CHILDREN!!!#amber rambles#ambers Upset
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If I Fell For You (Part 9) - Inner Demons
Summary: The reader meets Gen for the first time while the boys are having a day together. But when they come home early and Jensen overhears the reader, a very big discussion about what they both expect out of their relationship has to happen...
Masterlist
Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader
Square: Skinny Dipping
Word Count: 5,100ish
Warnings: mature (language, skinny dipping, implied future smut, angst, self-doubt)
A/N: Please enjoy! Also written for @spnkinkbingo
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“No,” whined Zeppelin as Jensen carried him out of the bedroom for the third time that night. “Daddy, I want to sleep with you.”
“Zeppelin. You gotta be a big boy and go to sleep. It’s midnight and way, way past bedtime,” said Jensen. He started to cry loudly and Jensen set him down. “Do you want a time out? I’ll give you one first thing in the morning if you don’t behave.”
He ran over to you and grabbed your leg, burying his face in it. Jensen sighed, tired after a long day and you knew he needed some sleep. You squatted down and Zeppelin grabbed at you, shaking a bit. You frowned, Jensen catching it as you picked up the little boy.
“He can stay,” you said. Jensen made a face but you carried him into the room, Jensen grumbling to himself. You let Zeppelin crawl into the middle and immediately grab his father when Jensen got under the covers. He was asleep quickly, Jensen kissing the top of his head. “He’s scared.”
“He had a tantrum. He’s four,” whispered Jensen. “He needs to sleep on his own or he gets dependent.”
“You’re his father. He’s already dependent,” you whispered. “He’s a little you.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means he missed his daddy and he has been the one telling his sisters for three weeks daddy’s coming home soon. I don’t care if he sleeps in our bed, Jensen. Sometimes he has to be a big boy but not tonight.”
“He was very...he’s very much me,” he said quietly, fixing the blankets over his son. “He’s in tune with other’s emotions.”
“I know,” you said. “He’s a sweet boy.”
“When I was a kid, around seven or so, my dad went out to LA for about two months for work. We didn’t have the money for him to fly back and forth so he drove out there. He would call every night but it was long distance and it was expensive back then so all I got to do was say hi to him really. Somewhere in the middle of the two months he drove back to visit for a weekend. I was so excited. So, so excited. I was gonna tell him all about school and my baseball games and the jumping contest my brother and I had on the swings. I was so pumped. He said he was gonna be there Saturday morning for breakfast. Well, I wake up, run downstairs, he’s not there. Lunch rolls around, he’s not there. Afternoon snack time rolls around…”
“He’s not there?” you asked, Jensen nodding. “What happened?”
“Never left LA. Got in a car accident. He was fine but this was the eighties and my mom didn’t get a phone call until the afternoon saying he wouldn’t be coming home. I thought a hundred million things in my head of why he wasn’t there. That achy pit in your stomach. When he finally came home a month later, I slept in their room, in their bed. That little achy feeling went away after that night. I know how much he’s like me,” he said, lightly running his fingers over Zeppelin’s head. “But I gave him that part of me too and I wish I hadn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s too little to worry about me.”
“He’s okay and he’s not gonna worry after tonight. But Jensen, there’s nothing wrong with him having that part of you. It’s a really good part, the part that loves the people he cares about. Right now he doesn’t understand it but someday he will and that’s going to make him a person people will be fortunate to have in their lives. That’s a great part of you he got.”
“Just have to go and make me feel better, don’t you,” he said softly. He closed his eyes and smiled. “Think I’m doing an okay job at this?”
“Yup,” you said. Zeppelin turned over in his sleep, smashing his face into your arm.
“You care for them,” said Jensen. You nodded and he burrowed down into the sheets. “Because of me or your job?”
“It always helps the job,” you said. “When you nanny, you want the kids to feel comfortable with you and caring about them always makes that easier. But I don’t...I don’t like them because I decided I liked their dad, you know?”
“Why did you then?”
“People with money sometimes let their children get raised by that money and you can tell when it happens. But it’s so obvious that doesn’t happen with them. They have nice toys and clothes and things but they’re good and funny and smart and they could very easily be brats if you went the easy route but you didn’t and it just shows. Sure they’re kids and they can drive anyone to the brink of insanity at times, but they got big hearts, especially for dad. I just like them and seeing them grow into those people more every day.”
“Me too,” he said, Zeppelin rolling back, fisting his hands into Jensen’s shirt this time. He smiled and you leaned over, kissing him goodnight, pecking one on Zeppelin’s head. “Night.”
“Night Jensen.”
The next afternoon when you arrived at Jared’s house you weren’t sure what you were expecting. Jared and Jensen were off doing who knew what and you felt like you’d been set up on a playdate yourself. You’d dropped off the kids there more than once already and knew their kids but for some reason or other you’d yet to meet Gen. You swallowed as you followed the kids around the side of the house, the three of them taking off to go play with their friends on a swing set. You looked around and bit your bottom lip, fixing your bag over your shoulder.
“Y/N?” called a voice. You turned and saw a woman behind you, a bit sweaty in some workout clothes. “Hey. I’m Gen. Nice to finally meet you.”
“Thanks. You too,” you said.
“Come on,” she said, waving you to follow her up some steps to a patio. “Tom! JJ!”
“We know!” they shouted back from the swings. She shook her head and sighed.
“Not that any of the little ones can get over to the pool anyways but I want to remind them to keep an eye on the younger ones when I’m inside,” she said, showing you to a patio door. You followed her inside, Gen walking into a kitchen and going straight to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of cold water.
“They have hair like their dad,” you said.
“Yes, yes they do. Getting them to get a haircut is like herding cats,” she said. She gulped down her water and let out a deep breath. “Do you mind if I shower quick? Time got away from me.”
“Yeah, no problem,” you said.
“There’s a bathroom right around the corner there. Feel free to take whatever from the kitchen if you want. I’ll be back in ten,” she said.
“No problem,” you said. When she was upstairs you went back outside, leaving your bag in a patio chair. You went down the steps and watched the kids running around for a moment before exploring their backyard. “Here I thought your backyard was nice Ackles.”
“Y/N, will you play tag with us?” asked Arrow from over in the grass.
“How could I say no to a face like that?”
Fifteen minutes later you were warm and taking a break under the patio again out of the sun, the kids playing on the slide and swings now.
“Remember when we had endless energy like that?” asked Gen as the back door opened.
“Barely,” you said, a margarita glass set down in front of you. “I see we’re going to be very good friends.”
“It’s so hot out today,” she said, setting a pitcher and another glass down on the table. She poured you a glass and then herself one before taking a seat beside you. “I bet the boys are out jet skiing.”
“They really are like a pair of children when you get them together,” you said.
“Yeah but it’s cute. Most people don’t ever get to have a best friend like that,” she said. “Sometimes they need their space from each other but Jared’s literally been counting down the days until Jensen gets back.”
“I don’t think Jensen will ever stay away that long again. He missed his family and friends. Home,” you said.
“We’re glad to have him back. He’s been gone for a while. Even before you went to Canada,” she said.
“Were you good friends with...” you asked, Gen nodding. “I’m sorry.”
“It sucked. Still does,” she said. “When the boys were off, we could hang out. We got very close. After the accident I was the one taking care of the kids, helping his parents and family with their day to day. Jared focused more on Jensen, helping him physically get back to normal and then mentally. But you know how he was when you met him.”
“I know a lot of work went into helping him get there. I’m very grateful he had you guys,” you said.
“Listen...I’m hoping we can be good friends too. It was different for me and Dee. We both were dating the boys around the same time, got married around the same time. I know we don’t have that and...I just hope we can have that relationship still.”
“Me too. I know we’re probably gonna be seeing you guys a lot now that neither of them are working,” you said.
“Probably most everyday,” she said. “They’re like twins separated at birth or something I swear.”
“Has Jensen always been a bit quiet?” you asked.
“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen that boy drunk off his ass and being a troublemaker but he’s always been that way. Maybe it’s why he and Jared fit. They’re protective of each other in different ways. Jared’s the loud one out of the two of them, always has been and Jensen, even if he is your best fucking friend, sometimes he’s a little bit quiet.”
“I figured as much. He’s just…”
“Gentle,” she said, a smile coming to your face. “You two are pretty serious, huh.”
“Maybe.”
“It’s been five months. I’d say it’s serious. You move in yet?”
“Technically I’ve always been moved in,” you said. She laughed and took a sip of her drink. “Yeah. We’ve gotten to the sharing a room stage very recently.”
“You must be very special then,” she said. “He was never gonna fall in love ever again. Told Jared and me himself. Now he’s as lovestruck as the first time around.”
“I’m not expecting…” you said, sipping on your drink. “Don’t tell him I said that.”
“Like I said, we can be friends without the boys,” she said. “What aren’t you expecting?”
“This,” you said with a shrug. “Marriage. Kids of my own. I don’t know where it goes with Jensen.”
“You should start having those talks with him,” she said, your head shaking. “You have to, just so you’re on the same page.”
“I don’t even know if we’re reading the same book,” you said. She nodded and you slumped back into your seat. “I know I love him and that he loves me. But I don’t know if that’s enough.”
“A friend once told me that’s all you need,” said Jensen behind you. You turned around and Jensen was standing there, a sad smile on his face. “We wanted to come hang out with you guys. Y/N?”
You got a smile from Gen as you followed Jensen inside, Jared slipping past and out back. You crossed your arms and looked down, Jensen stepping close to you, large hands resting on your arms.
“Why don’t you think it’s enough?” he asked quietly.
“It is. Gen and I were just shooting the shit,” you said, forcing your gaze up. He slid his hand down and took one of yours, pulling you over to a quiet sitting room. He sat down on a day bed, you going with him.
“Honey. Tell me the truth.” He ran his thumb over the back of your hand as you crossed your legs. “Did I do something?”
“No. You’re perfect,” you said, glancing down to your lap. “All I was saying was...I don’t know where you stand on some things.”
“Like what?” he asked, still smiling softly, hiding all of the nerves underneath it.
“Kids. Marriage. The fact your family has never once met me or knows I exist. Am I just gonna be the nanny girlfriend or is there something more? I love you. I fucking love and I don’t need or want...I just want to know if you’re open to those things.”
“I don’t know,” he said. You nodded and moved your hand back into your lap, Jensen letting go of it. “Is that a deal breaker?”
“No,” you said with a shake of your head. “Like I said, we were shooting the shit.”
You were both quiet before you stood, Jensen grabbing your hand. He pulled you back to sit, plopping you straight down in his lap before kissing you.
“Okay I do know but the answers fucking scare me,” he said. “I said I was gonna stop being scared when it came to you.”
“Jensen, you don’t have to-”
“Yes, I would have more kids if it were with the right person. Preferably sooner than later but yes. Yes, I would marry again. Yes, I would introduce her to my family and yes they do know about her. Not as much as I’d like but they do know her. And lastly yes, I am open to more than just the nanny girlfriend, so much fucking more. All of it more. But that scares me that almost a year later here I am, open to all of those things, wanting those things with you when losing Dee hurt so much. It’s not fair to you that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, simple and normal and just the fun parts. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not asking you to stop loving her. God if you ever did, I don’t think you’d be the man I love. I just wanted to know if there’s room for a future in there maybe,” you said.
“You kinda got in there all on your own and I don’t want you to ever come out,” he said.
“Ever?” you breathed out. “Cause that implies-”
“If someone’s gonna be that second person for me, I think…” he said, looking down. You rested your forehead against his, Jensen taking a deep breath. “I know you won’t wait for me forever to get my shit together.”
“Well, forever’s a long time. I can offer a few years at least?” you asked, Jensen laughing dryly. “What?”
“I don’t deserve a few years. Your emotions aren’t a toy to play with.”
“Yours aren’t something to drag along when they’re not ready.”
“See? You do that shit. You always do that fucking shit,” he said, his voice a few octaves higher. You wrapped him up in a hug, feeling a few drops of wetness hit your cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“For crying? Jesus Jens, it’s okay,” you said. “I promise it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. I keep tossing you around like you don’t have feelings too, like this isn’t hard for you too. It’s always me and my fucking problems with just…”
“Just what honey,” you said, Jensen holding onto you tightly, chin resting on your shoulder.
“I can’t,” he said.
“Why not?” you said, carding your fingers through his hair.
“I don’t want this to go away,” he mumbled out. “This is it and I feel like I’m gonna explode and-”
“Shush,” you said, wrapping your legs around his waist and squeezing his whole body as much as you could. He stilled briefly and calmed down some, sniffling to himself before you released to a gentler hold on him. “Just the anxiety talking.”
“I love you,” he said, lifting his head up, looking you straight on. “I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you and do everything with you. I’ve known those things for a very long time. Longer than you have and before you even thought of them as questions. I want all that and you’re gonna get stuck with me, with this, with the never ending baggage, with the baggage you haven’t even seen yet. All your life is gonna be is taking care of my ass and you getting hurt because of it. Is that what you want? Is it? Because I want so much fucking more for you than me.”
“Was that your proposal speech?” you asked calmly. He blinked a few times and narrowed his eyes.
“What? Y/N I-”
“Well you said you want to marry me and yeah, I fucking want to do that with you too so was that your speech?”
“What?” he asked so innocently you smiled. “I don’t…”
“I happen to like taking care of your ass. So. You want me gone, I’m gone. You want me to stay, I’m staying forever. What’s it gonna be?” you asked.
“Stay,” he said quietly with a nod. “Please don’t go away from us.”
“Okay,” you said. He leaned forward and kissed you, sniffling some more when he broke off. “Are you…”
“I can’t believe I just asked that while I’m covered in tears and snot,” he said. A box of tissues suddenly flung itself through the doorway, landing near your feet. You stared down at it and started to laugh, Jensen chuckling while you picked it up. “I’m never living that down.”
“Who gives a fuck,” you said. You took out a tissue and wiped off his face and eyes, having him blow his nose a few times. “That’s really gross.”
“I know.”
“Must be how you know it’s meant to be,” you said, wiping your hand off.
“Stay forever?” he asked.
“Yeah,” you said quietly. “Yeah that sounds good.”
“Me too,” he said. He pulled you into a hug and you held him tight, the door sneakily shutting on the two of you when it started to pour outside and you heard the backdoor. “I bet that’s how you imagined that going.”
“I never thought it would happen,” you said. “Not when I first came here. Love’s for other people. Normal people with normal families.”
“Fuck normal,” he said and you laughed. You picked up a clean tissue and licked it, wiping off a dried tear streak on his cheek. “I feel good.”
“We’re gonna work on that bottling shit up stuff, okay?” you said.
“Maybe you’ll have more success than Dee did,” he chuckled.
“I’ll just have to build off what she started,” you said. He nodded and cupped your cheek as you finished cleaning him off. “There, all better.”
“Guess you’re out of a nanny job,” he said.
“Oh such a shame,” you said. “I’ve been putting my paychecks for the last while to a separate account.”
“I did notice that,” he said. “Saving for something?”
“Wanted to give it back to you.”
“Honeymoon fund instead?”
“Okay, now we’re talking,” you said with a laugh.
“You never did tell me how much your book deal got you.”
“I signed a multi-year deal. They think there’s great potential for it to be one of those series every kid reads. One million for around twenty books?”
“Fuck. You should be my agent if you can negotiate like that,” he said.
“I’m still gonna take care of them like I have been,” you said.
“I know. It’s probably going to be a million times harder now actually,” he said. You nodded and he smiled. “You love them.”
“Yes but I don’t know how to be a parent.”
“Just do what you’ve been doing and it’ll be fine,” he said. “It’ll change but it’ll be good.”
“Not really how I was expecting today to go,” you said.
“Me either. I had hoped for that to be a tad more romantic,” he said. You gave him a kiss and hug, Jensen returning it. “You don’t care.”
“Nah,” you said. “Just care about you. Everything else, I’m good.”
“Want to go share the news with our eavesdropper?” he asked. You helped him up to his feet and took his hand, walking out of the room, Jared and Gen suspiciously wiping down their kitchen counter. “Or should I say eavesdroppers.”
“We were concerned and I swear we left after Jared tossed the tissues in,” said Gen. Jared shook his head and pointed at her. “I swear he did it.”
“Guess you guys heard then,” said Jensen, giving you a smile. “We’re gonna give it a shot.”
“You okay?” asked Jared. Jensen nodded and squeezed your hand. “You sure?”
“I know what I want,” said Jensen. “I’ve known for a long time. Finally got over being scared is all.”
“She wasn’t gonna hurt you,” said Jared with a smile.
“I know. It was a different fear,” he said.
“I’m not going anywhere,” you said. “Promise.”
“You better not, sweetheart.”
It was dark by the time the storms had passed, all three kids going down easy after spending most of the day running around the Padalecki house. You sat on the balcony off of Jensen’s bedroom in the oversized lounge chair, Jensen sat on the other side of the small side table your drink rested on.
“I’ve never been on a boat before,” you said, staring up at the dark night sky, the only light coming from a few string ones Jensen had turned on.
“Never?” asked Jensen. “Better wear your life jacket tomorrow then.”
“You better wear your life jacket,” you said. “We both know I’m a better swimmer than you.”
“You’re a better swimmer than me? Me?” he chuckled. “No way.”
“Put your money where your mouth is. Five bucks says I’m a better swimmer,” you said. He waved the way towards the door and you stood up, walking downstairs and outside.
“Uh, you missing something?” he chuckled. You smirked and pulled off your shirt and undid your jeans, shimming out of them and leaving them by the patio. “You really think…”
“I really think what?” you said, tossing your bra at him, leaving your underwear behind. You jumped in and swam out to the deep end. “You’re already losing Jensen.”
“Losing my ass,” he said, taking off his shirt and jeans, nearly tripping as he hopped out of his boxer briefs. He jumped in nearby and swam over to you, dunking his head under briefly. “I could get used to this look.”
“Nothing you’ve not seen before.”
“Never seen my fiance naked before,” he grinned. You rolled your eyes but swam over and gave him a kiss. “I knew you had a thing for dorks you know.”
“Did you now?”
“Told me yourself. Not a fan of cocky guys I recall.”
“Well...a little cock is okay. Highly recommended in fact,” you said.
“You are such a loser,” he laughed.
“I must have learned it from you.” You giggled and swam back to the shallow end, Jensen lazily chasing after. “I’ve never skinny dipped until just now actually.”
“Got anything on your bucket list you want to try out?” he asked. You shrugged and took a seat on a step, Jensen settling in next to you. “Naked trounce on the trampoline?”
“Maybe another time,” you said. You leaned back and looked up at the dark sky once more. He reached over and held your hand in the water, playing with it quietly. “Skydiving would be cool. Space would be cool.”
“One of those is a lot more feasible than the other. I noticed up in Canada where we had more stars at night you really like looking at them.”
“Did it a lot as a kid. Kinda always have,” you said. “I like space as much as the next gal but it’s just pretty, you know? You’re one little speck out in all of those stars. It’s all so freaking complex but you can kinda look up at them and it’s just so simple too.”
“Yeah,” he said, toying with a strand of hair floating in the water. “I get that.”
You turned and found him staring at you, a smile on his lips.
“We could go camping sometime, see all the stars there are up there if you’d like,” he said.
“We don’t have to do that,” you said.
“Why?” he asked quietly. “I’m curious is all. It seems like something you’d really enjoy seeing.”
“What purpose does it serve though? It’s not something fun for the kids to experience,” you said. “It’s a waste of money.”
“It doesn’t have to have a purpose. It’s for you, for us. A night away where you get to see something most people don’t ever get a chance. That’s the only purpose,” he said. “Camping’s about the cheapest thing you can do. Don’t worry about the money. You don’t have to worry about that ever again.”
“I just don’t want to go camping,” you said. You looked down and swallowed. “I used to go camping with my dad a lot.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t do that to me,” you said. “I just...I don’t think I ever want to go again.”
“Okay. Would you go camping with me sometime?” he asked.
“Jensen-”
“Just me. No body else. I won’t even touch you except to cuddle,” he said. You nodded and he smiled. “Thank you. It won’t be scary this time. I promise.”
“Is your dad nice?” you asked. He leaned back against his elbows and nodded. “Does he know about me?”
“My parents know I have a girlfriend. My mom knows I was getting pretty serious about you,” he said.
“Do they know I was the nanny? Or how old I am?”
“No. My siblings do but not my parents,” he said. You sat up and wrapped your arms around yourself in the warm night air. “I’m not embarrassed of you Y/N. I think that’s a conversation better had in person is all.”
“You haven’t told them because you think they’ll have a problem with it,” you said.
“Not as much problem as when I say I’m not having a prenup,” he said. You turned your head and saw him smiling back. “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t trust you completely.”
“Jensen I don’t want to cause a problem,” you said. He shook his head and you sighed. “I know how close you are with them and you haven’t gotten to see them since Christmas. I know exactly what they’re gonna think of me when they hear about the former nanny.”
“You don’t seem to understand yet that you? Nobody is more important than you and those three in there. If they can’t accept you then screw ‘em.”
“Jensen.”
“I’m not worried and you know why? I love you and you love me. I know they love me a whole lot too so you’re on the same side.”
“You’re a bad liar,” you said. He sat up and sighed. “Jens-”
“I don’t know how they’ll act. But you deserve a chance and that’s what I expect out of them. I want them to love you too but at a minimum you’ll have their respect.”
You nodded and sunk down in the warm water, Jensen sliding over and taking a seat on your lap, tossing his arms around your shoulders.
“You still talk to Dee’s parents right?” you asked. He nodded and wrapped his legs loosely around your waist. “Do they…”
“No,” he said quietly. “They deserve for that to be an in person conversation too. They’re coming up soon for JJ’s birthday soon. I figured I’d tell them then.”
“I’m glad you still talk to them,” you said. “They still see you guys.”
“Christmas was hard last year. I’m not sure which one of us got it worse,” he said.
“I’d like to meet them if that’s okay.”
“Yeah,” he breathed out. “I’m not sure how they’ll react honestly.”
“I’d still like to,” you said, stepping out into the water with him, Jensen hanging off of you. “If only you were this light normally I’d carry you around all day.”
“Didn’t we agree a long time ago you were the badass princess after all,” he said, bumping his nose against yours.
“Here I thought you’d be taller,” you teased, quickly kissing him.
“Little shit,” he grinned. He nuzzled your cheek and you let out a deep breath. “Don’t worry about them.”
“At least we don’t have to go through this on my side,” you said.
“Can I ask one thing of you?”
“What?”
“Ray, your mom’s boyfriend, did things end badly between the two of you or you just drift apart? You said you left when you finished high school.”
“I stopped talking to him awhile ago. I moved out at 18 when I got my first nanny job. He was dating his wife Sarah by then. I’d come over for dinner every few months for a few years. By the time I was twenty one they were married with two kids. I didn’t go one time and kept putting it off and Ray told me it was okay if I didn’t want to see him anymore. I could call him if I ever needed him, that sort of thing. I haven’t spoken to him in nine years. But that’s not asking something of me, is it.”
“Can we consider inviting him to the wedding?”
“Been engaged eight hours and already planning?” you asked.
“I don’t know him but he had a part in raising you. Just consider it is all I ask. And wedding? Those things take fucking forever to plan, trust me.”
“I’ll think about it,” you said, spinning him around in the water. “Are they really that complicated to put together?”
“Nah. Don’t go bridezilla on me is all,” he said.
“Total diva over here,” you said, feeling the edge of the shallow end start to drop off with your foot. You spun around one more time before you had to set him down, Jensen taking the chance to pick you up and toss you out of of the water. “Jensen! I’m naked!”
“I know. It’s awesome,” he said, swimming out and kissing your cheek. “Wanna race?”
“Winner gets to do whatever they want to the loser when we head upstairs?” you grinned.
“Oh, you’re so on.”
______
A/N: Read Part 10 here!
#spnkinkbingo#supernatural#spn#jensen x reader#jensen ackles#jensen ackles au#rpf#jensen series#rpf series#jensen ackles x reader#spn fanfic#jensen ackles fanfic#supernatural fanfic
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Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 3
Moodboard by @quantumlocked310
Ivarello's masterpost here
A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖
A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite , who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂
A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310 , @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria . Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩
In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.
Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!
Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊
Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.
Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.
Words: 3497 (oops 🙈)
Additional note: what you’re going to read is not realistic.
Enjoy 🙂
🛡⚔️🛡
With his stomach in knots and a frown on his face, Ivar watches closely his godfather, who enters the living-room, wheeling a large trolley case behind him.
"Hello, Ivar." Floki looks around, an eyebrow raised questioningly, "Lagertha isn't here?", before flopping down on the corner sofa.
"No," Ivar shakes his head, wheeling up next to him, "She's out on a date with this English guy... Hammond, Halmund or whatever his name is."
Scratching his ear, Floki tilts his head, "but she knows you're going, right?" He pulls the trolley case closer and then snorts, mumbling under his breath, "don't think I can't see you rolling your eyes!"
"What do you think? Of course, she knows. She said, and I quote," Ivar raises his hands to make air quotes, his voice tinged with obvious annoyance, "'Of course you can go, sweetie, you know I don't want to be the one holding you back. Call me if anything goes wrong. And don't forget to take your meds.'"
"She cares, Ivar." Floki's tone is soft as he places a hand on his godson's shoulder.
Ivar lowers his gaze. "You should have taken me in." His words are barely audible and suddenly he feels like he's eleven again and he has to swallow against the sudden dryness in his throat.
"You do know that back then I wasn't in a good place." Floki's sad sigh almost gets Ivar in tears as memories of his parents and Helga flood his mind. The pain in his heart becomes nearly unbearable but he fights it off with all his might. He never wants to feel broken and lost again.
Ivar lifts his head up and Floki can see the stubbornness in his eyes. "I could live with you now."
"No, you could not, and you know it!" Floki smiles and taps Ivar on the cheek. "Ivar, I live between two flights, today in Norway, yesterday in Iceland and after-tomorrow in Canada. What kind of life would this be for you, huh? And besides, living with Lagertha is not that bad."
But living with Sigurd is! Ivar wants to shout. He keeps quiet, though, shrugging before eventually mumbling. "Guess not..."
"So," Floki starts, eager to change the subject, "where are your brothers, by the way?"
"Where do you think they are, huh, you knock-kneed fool? They're already there." Ivar glances at his watch, furrowing his brow. "Harald's party started twenty minutes ago."
"We better hurry up, then!" Crouching down, Floki slowly opens the suitcase under Ivar's scrutinizing gaze.
"Quick!" Ivar commands, barely able to contain his impatience, his nervous fingers tapping his push rims. "What do you have for me, old man, huh?" He even contemplates climbing out of his chair to open it himself, but the fear of breaking a bone at the worst possible time is stronger than his eagerness.
"You're going to calm down, young Padawan." Floki quips, slowly moving his hand in front of Ivar with eyes full of mischief. Ivar immediately slaps his godfather's hand away, mumbling under his breath, "I'd rather be a Sith Lord." That earns him a loud, hysterical laugh from his godfather.
Ivar grunts, ready to protest, but all thoughts leave his mind as soon as he's able to see what is in the trolley case. The scowl on his face obvious, he doesn't even try to hide his disappointment as he utters, "you made me braces?"
He hates braces with a passion. Along with underarm crutches, he had some, as a child. They were bulky, stiff, painful and walking with them was tedious, agonizingly slow, and exhausting. Ragnar had been adamant that he wanted his youngest to walk, no matter the struggles, no matter the nearly unbearable pain. Ivar had settled his ass in a wheelchair the day of his father's funeral, getting rid of his braces shortly after, a decision he had never regretted. So no, such torture devices were not at all what he was hoping for.
"Have a little faith in me," Floki rolls his eyes. "These," he looks lovingly at the strange contraptions in his hands, "are not braces, Ivar. Have you and your crippled ass ever heard of exoskeleton?"
Ivar's eyes widen. "It's that thing used in rehab that allows paraplegics to walk, right?" As Floki nods, Ivar gives him a puzzled glance. "But, erm, you do know I don't have a spinal cord injury, don't you? Or are you suffering from memory loss? Maybe it's your age?"
Dismissing the remark with an exasperated wave of his hand, Floki hisses, "I'm well aware that you don't, godson dearest," before narrowing his eyes, his voice now serious, "you may have full sensation in both legs, yet they can't exactly support your weight and your lack of motor function can't be denied. Not really different from some paraplegic dudes, what do you think?"
Feeling a heavy lump in his throat, Ivar frowns, not pleased with the idea of him being like a paraplegic. Almost without thinking, he contracts his quads as best he can, as if he wants to make sure he's still able to do it.
Floki doesn't miss the barely-there movements in his thighs, though, and his voice softens. "Look Ivar, you're not a paraplegic, okay? But I used the exoskeleton technology. And since you're not paralyzed, I was able to make a smaller device that you can wear underneath your clothes, and you're going to walk. I mean, really walk, not just like those guys in rehab, between parallels bars and with a PT right behind them."
Ivar, his eyes bright, stares at his godfather, slack-jawed with amazement. "I'm..." He begins to sputter, voice filled with emotion, "I'm really going to walk?" Feeling like his heart is pounding out of his chest, he fails to contain his excitement, drumming the fingers of his right hand on his lap. He'd tap his feet if only he could.
"You are." Floki nods before taking out of the trolley case a pair of dress shoes. "I put dozens of sensors in the insole of these shoes, which will enable the exoskeleton to correct your stance practically every second. Therefore, you won't need crutches, although I would say it's safer for you to use this." Reaching down, he grabs a black derby-style cane, simple and sleek in design. "You know," he shrugs, "just for extra support. Better safe than sorry, hmh?"
Ivar, who doesn't even flinch when he sees the walking stick, just reaches out, his hand grazing the carbon fiber exoskeleton. "Is it really for me?" His eyes filled with wonder, his voice trembling, his lips stretch across his face as his godfather nods. "And you made this in what?... four, five days?"
Letting out his signature giggle, Floki waggles his fingers in front of his face. "Even I couldn't make this in such a short time. No, the truth is, I've been working on it for a while. Let's say your phone call just sped things up. Though I must say, this marvel of technology is not flawless... It has a really low battery life, like four hours of autonomy at best. If I had more time, I certainly could have done better, but for now, it is what it is and you'll have to make do with what you've got." Pursing his lips, he glances at his watch, "So, just so you know, if you put this on now, you'll have to come back around midnight if you don't want to have to crawl around. And if you hear a beep, you'd better hurry, okay?"
As Ivar just nods, his beaming smile never fading, Floki adds, tilting his head, "and now, go get ready, young Padawan, you have a party to attend!"
***
Sitting on a bench at the seaside, Ivar watches the party from afar, a feeling of uneasiness tightening his chest. It was a mistake. Attending to this party was a mistake. Despite the exoskeleton, despite the fact that he walks almost normally, it was a mistake. He shouldn't have come. He shouldn't be here. Anxiety surges like the swell of a wave, and he struggles to breathe. Sigurd was right: he doesn't belong here, doesn't belong to this life.
A part of him wants to leave. It would be better to run away, to go hide in his room. But he won't. He can't. Because just a moment ago he saw you. Because he's not ready to give up on you now that he is here, eventually close to you.
He recognized you the moment his eyes fell on you. Looking radiant in a polka dot dress, you're as pretty as he remembers. Pretty? Who's he kidding? The girl you were six years ago was pretty. You're a woman now, and one of the most beautiful he's ever seen.
Glowing, smiling at everyone, you didn't even see him. In his head, of course, he makes plans to approach you, even if deep down, he knows all too well he'll never muster enough courage to talk to you. You probably wouldn't want him to anyway. After all, he may be standing tall today, yet he's still a freak, a fucking cripple. He's still cursed with his bony, twisted, useless legs. He's still a burden.
Yet, there's this little voice inside of him, barely audible, whispering that you're not like this, that you never were in the first place; and that's partly why the ten-year-old boy he was when he first met you felt drawn to you almost instantly.
Closing his eyes, he focuses on his breathing and decides to take a little trip down memory lane, bringing him back to that sunny, summer day of his first – and only – encounter with you. His memory so vivid it's like it happened only yesterday.
He can't hear the chirping of birds as his brothers are loudly playing and bickering in the pool. His beloved mother is nowhere to be seen and he's willing to bet she's taking a nap, but not without first making sure he has everything he could possibly need. Lying on a sunbed in the shade of an oak, a glass of lemonade within reach and a thick book on his lap, he hardly notices his father coming into the backyard, Harald Hårfager following close behind.
Since Ivar knows Harald is here to talk business with his father, he pays no attention to the two men, who take their seats at the patio dining table.
He nearly falls off the sunbed when a tiny voice startles him. "Hello!"
Stunned, he turns his head towards the voice and comes face to face with a smiling girl he doesn't know. You. He'd say you're about his age.
"I'm Y/N," you tell him, waving your hand shyly. "I'm at my uncle's for the weekend," you keep going, pointing your finger at Harald, "and I was wondering... May I join you?" You finally ask, dragging a second sunbed closer to his.
His first instinct is to look around, because you can't possibly be talking to him. Why would you? Surely you can't have failed to spot his leg braces, nor his hideous orthopedic shoes. You can't have missed that he's a cripple.
Frowning as he sees that no one is around, he snorts, his nostrils flaring. He can tell you're wearing a swimsuit under your pink dress. What do you want, then? Are you here to mock and ridicule him or what?
"You better get in the pool with my brothers." He knows he sounds rude, not answering nor greeting you, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to be made fun of and doesn't intend to give you the chance to do it.
Seemingly undeterred, you speak with a soft voice. "No, I'd rather not." Your smile is so genuine he can't help but think you mean no harm. "Actually," you shrug, sitting next to him, "I'd rather stay here with you, if you don't mind. What are you reading?"
Gobsmacked, he just looks at you – and gods, how pretty you are! – for a long time, unable to utter a single word. Are you truly interested in what he's reading? Interested in him? He swallows hard, his heart racing. A small smile dancing on your lips, your kind eyes never leave his as you wait, full of hope, for him to finally talk to you.
And that's what he ends up doing, almost in spite of himself. For the next two hours, he shows you his astronomy book, a gift from his godfather for his tenth birthday, and tells you about the stars, the constellations and the nights he spends watching the sky, when his mother allows him to. And for two hours you listen to him, asking a question here or there and always smiling. He's pretty sure you're not faking being interested in what he's saying.
All too soon, your uncle tells you it's time to go and you stand up with a scowl, letting out a sigh of regret. The next moment, you flash Ivar a grin. "I had a really great time with you, thanks! I'm going back to my mom's tomorrow but I hope we can spend time together again sometime, maybe next summer. I'd love to stargaze with you, you know?" With that, you lean forward and as your lips touch his cheek, Ivar's breath catches in his throat, his heart pounding like a drum in his chest.
Ivar inhales deeply. That kiss... That's when he fell madly and hopelessly in love with you. If he concentrates enough, he can still feel the softness of your lips against his skin, still smell your sweet, flowery scent.
That day, he had watched you leave with a smile on your face, already dreaming of the day he would see you again. You had said "next summer" and even though it was a long time away, he was willing to wait. In the meantime, he would have plenty of memories to recall - your joyful voice, your sparkling eyes, your lovely smile... Sure, he could wait.
And he had waited, hopeful and happier than he had been in a long time.
Not long after, however, his life had been turned upside down, his father being murdered and his mother dying in a car crash. Lost, angry, broken, and infinitely sad, he had gone through the following months as if anesthetized - barely living, hardly functioning, sometimes feeling as if the memory of you was the only thing keeping him from drowning.
Yet, and he doesn't know why – or perhaps simply because Ragnar being dead, Harald had no reason to visit anymore – he had never seen you again.
"Hello!"
His whole body freezes and he stops breathing. This voice... Your voice... He'd know it anywhere. Yet, it can't be, right? Did he fall asleep? Is he dreaming? Is one of his brothers tricking him? Why would you talk to the cripple?
"My name is Y/N." He can hear the smile in your voice. "I was wondering... May I join you?"
Summoning the courage he's not sure he has, Ivar looks tentatively toward you.
Gods! You're even more beautiful up close. Fuck. Now that you're here, right next to him, he doesn't know what to say, what to do. Panic seizes his hammering heart as a lump rises in his throat. He attempts to swallow around it to speak, to say something, anything, but the words won't come out and he finally just nods, his hand gesturing to the bench for you to sit on.
"Thanks," you give him a broad smile before taking your seat.
Ivar cannot believe his eyes. What are you doing? Did you recognize him? Why are you here, with him?
"Woul–", he sputters, struggling to find his voice, "Wouldn't you rather be there?" Pointing his index finger at the crowd gathered in front of the makeshift stage just a few meters away. He frowns, tilting his head, "the party is in full swing."
"No, I'd rather not." You shrug and as you turn your head toward him, he breathes in your sweet scent, suddenly feeling dizzy. "The guys are already drunk and really have one thing on their minds. And those who are not are boring." You lower your gaze, as if embarrassed, and it's so adorable Ivar feels like his heart is melting. "I'd rather stay here with you, if you don't mind."
Oh, he doesn't. He doesn't mind at all. The truth is, there's a fucking firework inside of him, and he barely contains the screams of happiness that threaten to escape his lips. "That's okay, you can stay," he says instead, his fidgeting fingers dancing on his lap.
Over the next hour or so, the conversation flows easily as you speak about Karasjok, the small town where you live, telling him about your mother's people, the Sami, their culture and customs.
Ivar shares with you bits and pieces of his life too, speaking about his passion for the Viking culture and about his belief in the ancient gods. The night, his night, is full of your laughs, full of your smiles, full of you. He wants it to never end.
He's still trying to figure out if you know who he is, if you remember meeting him once when you rise to your feet, almost bouncing with enthusiasm. "Walk with me, will you?"
He's about to break the truth about his inability to walk when he remembers that actually, thanks to Floki, he can. His eyes never leave yours as he grabs his cane with a little bit of self-consciousness, wincing as he stands up, but he can't see disgust, contempt, or disappointment on your face and your smile doesn't falter as you delicately slip your hand under his free arm, curling your fingers back over it. Shaken by your sudden proximity, Ivar feels goosebumps rising on his skin.
"It's such a lovely night and I'm so happy spending it with you."
Your words leave him speechless as you lead him close to the water. A bunch of guys can be seen in the distance and Ivar is pretty sure his brothers are among them. He can feel their heavy stares on him and doesn't need to hear them to know what they're saying. "Who's this dude? Do we know him?" Standing tall, with his braided hair and a blue suit, he knows he doesn't look like himself. Yet, as he locks eyes with Hvitserk for a second, he'd sworn he sees a hint of recognition crossing his brother's face. And as the latter gives him a thumbs up, he knows his mind is not playing tricks with him.
"Oh, I love this song!" You clap your hands twice before shrugging shyly. "Let's dance, please!"
Ivar's heart breaks. Scared out of his wits, he swallows hard, his breathing uneven. "I... I can't." It's a painful admission, and he wishes the ground would just swallow him up.
He realizes you pay no mind to his defeated tone, though, as you grab his cane, leaning it against a nearby tree. "We'll go slow, I promise."
Almost in spite of himself, he places his hands on your hips as you wrap your arms around his neck. Gently – cautiously – swaying to the music, Ivar leans in close and, inhaling deeply your delightful scent, he feels like he's going to spontaneously combust. Your head resting on his chest, he's sure you can hear his frantic, pounding heartbeat. But he can't bring himself to care, not when you're finally exactly where he wants you to be. In his arms.
That's why he doesn't hear the first beep, or if he does, he doesn't pay any attention, entranced by your beauty, your kindness and the mesmerizing color of your eyes.
But when you stop dancing, your eyebrows raised, "What's that beeping noise? It doesn't stop," he hears it too, cold sweats washing over him as panic courses through his body.
"I... I must... I must go," he stammers, and honestly he's about to throw up. He can't think, can't speak. All he knows is that he doesn't want you seeing him crawling around. He won't allow it. He can't.
Fuck.
That's why he leaves. He just strolls off. He doesn't see the appalled look you're giving him, doesn’t' realize he's leaving his black cane behind, doesn't hear the despair in your tone as you shout, "wait, please! I don't even know your name!"
He has only taken a few steps when crocodile tears run down his cheeks, blurring his sight. It hurts so much he could scream, and he can barely breathe as the realization starts to sink in. Who was he trying to fool? Sigurd had been right all along. No matter the exoskeleton, no matter the genius of his godfather, he's still a freak. A monster. An abnormality.
He doesn't belong. He's not worthy.
Fuck.
His heart shatters in a thousand pieces.
Fuck.
Y/N.
Fuck.
🛡⚔️🛡
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𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 - 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘓𝘦𝘦
pairing: Mark Lee x reader
special guest: Lee Taeyong as your older brother, brief mention of Jaemin, Jeno & Haechan
genre: angst, smut, tiny bit of fluff
warnings: drugs (don’t do drugs kids), addiction, memory loss, being high, mentions of rehab clinic, Mark physically and mentally hurting the reader, reader being unconscious, Mark’s kind of depressed, SMUT,
word count: 8.7k
note: this is based on my imagination, Mark Lee is his own person and everything that happens in my story is pure fiction. I love Mark Lee and this story just popped up in my head and I wanted to write it down.
extra note: didn’t really proofread this, might have grammer and spelling mistakes
A/N: hey! I’m so excited to finally post ‘love me again’! I’m super nervous and I really hope that you have fun while reading this. I had to repost this because it wasn’t showing up in the tags :(
taglist: @luvlyjaemin @silent-potato @markshearts @likelikeines
song rec: courage to change - sia
© tyongxnct on all platforms
“Please Mark, we just want the best for you…”, Mark’s mother cried.
“No you don’t! You have no idea what’s the best for me. You decided to move here, and I accepted it because it’s the best for you! You decided to divorce, and I didn’t say anything because, again, it’s the best for you! Now you’re thinking about what’s the best for me? Suddenly my feelings are important?! You two know nothing! Nothing. So don’t stick your noses into my fucking business!”, Mark yelled at his parents, finally letting out what he really thought and felt about his family.
“Son, we know it’s hard for you- “, his father tried to calm his son down.
“No, dad. No you don’t. Don’t act like you thought about me when you decided to leave Canada! I was happy there! And maybe you’d still be married!”, he was so angry and high, but it didn’t help him to ignore his parents- to stay calm, he was furious, and he needed his pills. “I’m leaving.”
Mark left his parents and ran straight to your house. He was high already, but he needed more, he needed his pills. After the fight with his parents, Mark was about to explode, and he did.
Mark knocked on your front door harshly and you opened the door with concern in your eyes. “Mark? Are you alright- “, he pushed you to the side and ran upstairs. “Where the fuck did you put them?!”, Mark’s body was trembling, his eyes red and his pupils wide. “Mark? What are you doing?”, you asked as you watched your boyfriend look through your shelves and closet, everything was a mess, but he didn’t care.
You held his arm to stop him, but he shoved you away. “WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY (Y/N)?!”, he yelled at you. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Mark. Please calm down… You’re scaring me.”, you were scared and worried. He grabbed both of your wrists and looked at you furiously. “Where are my fucking pills (Y/n)?!”
“Mark are you high again? I thought- “, you started but he interrupted you. “I ASKED YOU A FUCKING QUESTION! ANSWER ME!”. You were more than scared right now, you hoped that you could help him, but Mark was high and that means that he’s not the Mark you’ve known. He’s that monster who hurts you and he didn’t even care.
“I- I flushed them down the toilette…”, you confessed.
You were too scared to look up, you could feel his hands around you tighten, and it hurt. “You did what?”, he asked through gritted teeth.
“I-I’m sorry but I don’t want you to take them- you don’t need them- “, tears were falling down your cheeks.
“WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! YOU FUCKING BITCH! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?! HUH?!”, he was hurting you. Mark Lee, the love of your life was hurting you.
“P-Please… I’m sorry- I just wanted to help. I thought I could help you…”
“Help? You wanted to help? Do you have the slightest idea of how much those pills costed me?! Huh?! You know nothing! You’re just a fucking piece of shit. I don’t fucking need you do you hear me?!”, he yelled again.
“Mark- “, you said in pain.
“You’re fucking useless. I don’t want to see you ever again.”, there was no emotion as he talked.
Mark let go of you and left your room, you followed him, he was high, and you were scared to leave him alone even though he just destroyed you with his words.
He really chose drugs over you.
A tiny little voice in the back of your head always told you that this would happen, but you ignored it because you loved him. Your arms hurt, Marks grip was really strong, and it probably would leave bruises. “Mark please don’t leave- please don’t go.”, you ran after him and hugged him from behind before he could walk down the stairs.
“You don’t understand it, do you? You’ll never be enough! Let me fucking go!”, he yelled as he tried to get out of your grip. “No! I know that you don’t mean it! I know that the drugs are taking over and that this is not you talking!”. Mark grabbed your hands and pushed them away, harshly. “Let me go!”, he was screaming again. “No Mark please don’t go… “, you tried to hold him again, but it was useless, he was stronger than you.
You two pulled at each other and before he could stop himself, he pushed you down the stairs. Everything was in slow motion, as he locked eyes with you and saw the fear in your eyes. You closed your eyes and Mark tried to hold you, but he couldn’t reach you, and then you were rolling down the stairs. “NO!”, Mark yelled as he tried to catch you.
You were laying on the floor and you weren’t moving. Mark’s hands were trembling, and tears fell down his cheeks. He looked at you and he didn’t know what to do. Why weren’t you moving? Is that… is that blood?
Mark rushed down the stairs and kneed down. “B-Baby?”, he took your head between his hands and looked at you face. You were unconscious and your forehead was bleeding. “H-Hey… D-Do you hear me? Open your eyes, please open your eyes!”, Mark’s tears landed on your face. “Baby please open your eyes…”, he shook your body, but you didn’t wake up. Mark didn’t know what to do.
Suddenly the front door was opened by your older brother, Taeyong. “I’m home- “, he stopped talking as he saw you in Mark’s arms. “M-Mark?”, Taeyong was scared. “I didn’t mean to! I swear it was an accident! I would never hurt her hyung I didn’t mean anything I said.”, Mark cried as he pulled your body closer. Taeyong came closer and saw you bleeding. “Fuck! Why didn’t you call an ambulance!”, Taeyong yelled at Mark as he called the ambulance before it was too late.
“I love you please open your eyes. I’m so sorry, I need you please don’t leave me! Hyung it was an a-accident. I didn’t mean to!”, Mark cried and cried. Taeyong saw red. Did Mark do that to you? “Are you fucking high again?!”, Taeyong didn’t want to hurt you but he pulled your body to his, taking you away from Mark. “Hyung please I’m sorry…”, Mark’s whole body was trembling. The tears never stopped, and the pain and regret were eating him alive.
The next thing Mark remembered was when he was waiting in front of the emergency room. Taeyong and your mother were also there, your mother still didn’t know what exactly happened. But the way Taeyong looked at Mark, with so much disgust and hate, broke Mark’s heart.
Mark prayed. He prayed for your safety and he promised himself to never do drugs again. It was his fault, he hurt you. Physically and mentally hurt you. He could never forgive himself, you loved him even though he was a fucking drug addict, you were always there for him and now you were in a fucking emergency room.
The doctor finally came out and smiled at your mother. “You don’t have to worry, everything went fine. She’s asleep now, but she’ll be taken to her room.”
“Thank you so much, Doctor Byun.”, you mother was relieved. “And thank you Mark for being with her, I wouldn’t know what had happened If she- “, your mother said. “Stop mom, it was him.”, Taeyong said with anger. “What do you mean?”, she asked. Mark looked down, too ashamed to look your mother in the eyes.
“He pushed her. She fell because of him, She fell because Mark was high and lost his mind. In fact, you’re still high, right?!”, he yelled at him, pushing him with his hands.
Mark didn’t stop Taeyong from doing so.
“Mrs. Lee… I didn’t want that to happen- “
“Leave.”, she just said with a low voice.
Mark fell on his knees, “I’m sorry, please I can’t live without her… please forgive me I love her so much…”, he cried.
“You love her? You think this is love? Mark, I treated you like my own son! I accepted you with open arms because she loved you so much! I defended you in front of your parents and this is how my daughter has to pay? For loving you? Is that her punishment?”, she was crying, your mother felt betrayed.
You always told her, how much you loved Mark and how you helped him through his parent’s divorce, but you never told her about his addiction. You really thought you could help him with that, that he would stop taking them, but in the end you were wrong.
“I know, I know I’m so sorry… I’ll stop I swear I’ll stop!”, Mark couldn’t lose you.
“Do you think I’ll let you near my sister ever again?”, Taeyong said.
“No hyung please please don’t! I’m begging you I need her!”
But Taeyong’s decision was final.
ONE YEAR LATER
Today was Mark’s anniversary. It’s been a whole year since he became clean. It was his own decision to go to a rehab clinic, his parents were more than happy to hear that. After what happened to you, Mark wanted to change. Change his habits, change his lifestyle and just be better, be worthy for your love. Mark was allowed to go home after a year in the rehab clinic, he missed his last year of high school, which he needed to go to again to graduate officially.
You were always on Mark’s mind, the bad memories, and the good ones. He would fall asleep thinking of your pretty smile and wake up crying to your unconscious body. He never talked to you again and he still loved you, no, he loved you even more now. You were his light in the darkness, the reason to become better. Mark wanted to be a better man for you.
“Welcome home honey.”, Mark’s mother hugged her son, tears falling down her cheeks. “Are you sure you are ready to come back home? If you want to we can move- or we can go back to Canada, just tell me how I can make you happy.” Mark and his parents lived in Canada until he was almost 17, they moved to Korea and that’s how you met. They moved into the house across the street and you became friends. Mark first hated Korea, he wanted to go back to Canada, to his friends, and after his parents started fighting all the time, they got divorced. His father moved out and left him. He blamed Korea for his parent’s divorce. Mark was angry. Angry that his parents were getting a divorce, that he left his whole life in Canada, but the only good thing in his life was you. After spending so much time together, sneaking out after midnight, making out in your room or his until one day you two took a step further and had sex. You were each other’s first times and you fell in love, Mark would have left Korea If you weren’t here. Mark’s mind wandered to the first night you had spent with him in his room. The first time he had touched you, the first time you had sex.
Flashback
You were cuddling with Mark on his bed under the covers, you were watching friends on his TV and he was hugging you from behind. Mark and you were together for almost 5 months now, both of you knew that just being friends was something you didn’t want. You could say it was love at first sight for both of you.
Mark kissed your cheek and slowly kissed his way to your neck. He placed wet kisses on your neck and his hand was under your shirt, caressing your skin with his thumb. He stopped kissing you and started sucking and nibbling on your skin. You closed your eyes as you felt Mark so close to you, making you feel drunk on his kisses.
The furthest you and Mark went was making out. He never asked you to do more, he was waiting for you to be ready. Sometimes, you wanted him to go further but it was never the right time, you wanted him to touch you and you wanted to touch him.
You let out a soft moan and turned around, your butt slightly stroking his crotch. You kissed him on the lips, first it was slow and sweet, but he nibbed on your lips and you opened your mouth to give him access. Your tongues were fighting for dominance, his hand was on your butt, softly squeezing it and he pulled you on his lap, his lips never leaving your lips. Mark was laying on the bed with you on top of him, you moved your hips, which made Mark moan. His hands were on your butt, pressing you against his member to feel you better.
You broke your kiss and pulled back to sit on his lap. Your lips red and puffy and Mark was breathing heavily. You looked him straight into the eyes as you put your hands under your shirt to take off your bra. After you took it off, you threw it on the floor and your eyes never left Marks. “Give me your hand.”, you said. Mark slowly gave you his hand and watched you how you put his hand on your boob. Your hand was still on his as you gently squeezed your boob with his hand. “Touch me.”, you whispered.
You could feel Mark getting harder under you. He gulped and looked at you. “A-Are you sure?”, he asked. “Yes. Please touch me.”
Mark licked over his lips as he put his other hand on your other boob, squeezing both of them. His thumb was on your nipple, playing with them. “Can I take off your shirt?”, he asked you now. You just nodded. Mark tossed away your shirt and he gulped again as he saw you half naked on top of him. Mark sat up a little and was laying against his bedrest, your boobs right in front of his face. His face got closer to your breast and you felt his tongue on your nipple. He softly licked your nipple and with his hand, he played with the other one. You moaned, it felt so good having Mark’s mouth and hands on your breasts.
Mark started sucking on your breast, making you moan even more. You were wet and feeling Mark’s hard member against your pussy made you even wetter. “God Mark it feels so good.”, you moaned. His mouth travelled to your collarbones, he sucked and left Marks, he loved it.
“Mark I-I need you, please.”, you cried out. “Are you sure babe?”, he asked you while he flicked your nipple with his fingers.
“Yes yes please just… just fuck me.”
Within a second, Mark turned you so that you were under him now, your boobs bouncing while doing so and making him lick over his lips again.
“Okay babe just tell me to stop If you don’t want me to go further.”, he pecked your lips and smiled at you. You nodded and smiled back, your heart was racing.
Mark took off his shirt and you stared at his exposed body, you couldn’t believe that this guy was you boyfriend. You felt so lucky.
“I need to prepare you a little more baby.”, without telling you how, he slowly took off your sweatpants, leaving you in your panties. Mark kissed your pussy over the fabric of your underwear. “My baby’s so cute.”
You could feel Mark’s finger against your pussy over your underwear, spreading your wetness and drenching your panties. “So wet.”
Mark almost ripped your panties as he took it off, he wanted to taste you so bad. With his hands, he pushed your legs apart, his face right in front of your wet pussy. You could feel his breathe against your wetness and he licked your pussy with kitten licks once and then again and again. You moaned as you felt his tongue. “Shit- Mark- “, his tongue played with your clit, and you thought it couldn’t feel any better, but Mark slowly pushed one finger inside of you. You clenched around his finger and he cursed. “Fuck baby, you’re fucking tight.”, he kissed your pussy and sucked on your clit, after he inserted another finger inside of you, you couldn’t handle it anymore. “Mark it feel so good, I’m gonna cum.”
He fucked you with his fingers faster and his mouth did wonders down there. You hit your first ever climax and you could see the stars. Your grip around the bedsheet tightened and you moaned out. Mark put his hand on your mouth, his mother was still downstairs. “Baby If you keep being so loud my mother is going to hear you.”
You were breathing in and out as you giggled. He held his fingers, which were inside of you a couple seconds ago, to your mouth and looked at you. “Suck.”, you did as he told you, slowly sucking his fingers and tasting yourself.
Mark pulled his pants and boxers down, your mouth wide open as you saw his cock straight as straight as possible and precum on his tip. He was about to get a condom from his nightstand but then he could feel your hand around his cock. He hissed at that feeling. “Fuck- babe- “, your hand slowly pumped his cock and Mark didn’t know what to do. He wanted you to suck his dick, he wanted to be inside of you, and he wanted you to keep pumping him.
It seems like you were going to fullfill all of his wishes.
Mark felt your tongue on the tip of his cock. You licked him like a lollipop and sucked on his tip. Slowly, you didn’t want to hurt him, you put his cock inside of your mouth, Mark moaned loudly and closed his eyes for a second but opened them right after to watch you sucking his dick.
You bobbed your head up and down and it didn’t take Mark long to cum. “Babe I’m gonna cum, fuck you’re so good at this, fuck- “, he exploded inside of your mouth, and you swallowed every drip.
“You have no idea how hot you are- fuck, I’m gonna fuck you so good.”, Mark pressed you down on the mattress.
With his knees, he pushed your legs apart again, now to enter you with his cock. He pulled the condom down and placed his member at your entrance. “Are you ready baby?”, he asked you again.
“I’m ready- I love you.”
“I love you so much.”, he said as he slowly pressed his tip against your entrance. Mark slowly pushed his cock inside of your cunt and your gripped the bedsheets tightly. “I’ll stay like this a little.”, he didn’t move until you assured him that he could.
Pain slowly became pleasure, and you were almost begging Mark to go faster. “Please it feels so good.”
Mark rammed his cock inside of your pussy, and he kissed you, because you were moaning so loud, he was scared that the whole neighborhood could hear you.
“Mark I’m gonna- fuck- I’m gonna cum, god!”
“Me too babe, I’m gonna cum so hard.”, Mark’s hand travelled to your clit, circling it with his thumb and with that, you reached your climax. You clenched around Mark’s dick and you were so tight already, that he also came. He closed both of your mouths as he kissed you and he was still inside of you until you calmed down.
“Thank you Mark, I love you.”
“I love you, too. Forever.”
Mark started doing drugs with his friends Jeno, Jaemin and Donghyuck, it was harmless at first, just one or two joints, but behind your back he sometimes did coke. When you found out, he promised you that it was just a one-time thing, just to try it. But whenever you went to a party together, or just hung out, he did it over and over again. You didn’t need any drugs to be happy- after your father’s death, your brother, mother, and Mark helped you go through the pain. You wanted to help Mark, too, but he told you that there’s no pain to be erased. He was doing drugs ‘Just for fun’. You tried to stop him, you told him that he didn’t need any of this, but Mark never listened, he just pushed you away and stopped seeing you as often as before. When he started to take the pills, you did everything to stop him, flushing the pills down the toilette, hide his coke from him, tried to stop him from drinking, but you all know how that ended.
“Mom, I’m alright, and no, I want to stay here, I changed. Everything’s going to be alright.”, he hugged his mother back as he looked out of the window, staring at you room across the street.
Mark was in his room, nothing changed, he unpacked his back and he saw the picture of you next to his bed on his nightstand. He held the picture in his hand and looked at your pretty smile. His sight became blurry and he tried to stop the tears. No more crying, he believes that everything’s going to be perfect. He needs a little more time until he was ready to face you, your mother and brother.
First day of his last year in high school. Mark was beyond nervous and scared. You were probably in college now, on your way to become a teacher. It was always your dream to teach children, you adored them, and you always imagined a life with Mark as the father of your children.
Mark was really early on his first day, he was sitting in the classroom, next to the window. Memories flooded his mind of you two in high school. How you skipped class just to go to McDonald’s, how you went to the rooftop to make out and how you waited for him after, well, after he smoked joints with his friends behind the school.
The bell rang and everyone entered the class, what Mark didn’t except to see was you, entering the class while talking to a girl. His world stopped turning. Why were you here? Did you see him already? What were you talking about and why did you smile like that?
You saw someone staring at you, but you didn’t pay attention to that, you sat down and listened to your teacher.
“Good morning, everyone. I have an announcement to make. We have two new students in class. Mark and (Y/n). They both missed a year, please tread them nicely.”
Mark’s palms were sweaty, he couldn’t focus. You were here, here with him, but why?
After class ended, you packed your things and left the classroom with that girl you talked to when you entered. Mark needed to do something, he just had to.
He ran after you and called your name. “(Y/n)! Wait!”
You turned around, your new friend said goodbye and left you there with Mark. “Yes?”, you asked confused.
Mark stuttered “H-Hi. I-It’s been a while.. “
“Uhm hey? Sorry but, do I know you?”, you asked, very confused by his words.
Mark stopped breathing, were you going to act as if you didn’t know him? His heart was beating against his chest and he felt like collapsing.
He didn’t say anything, and you talked again. “I’m sorry but I lost my memory, did we go to high school together last year?”, Mark was speechless, you had lost your memory?
“Y-You lost your memory? H-How If I may ask?”
“I fell down the stairs, it’s a little embarrassing, I’m a little clumsy. I’ve spent a couple months in hospital last year, that’s why I am here again. And you?”, you thought making friends would be a great idea.
“O-Oh I’m sorry…”, Mark stuttered, he didn’t know what to do. Should he tell you that it was his fault? Should he tell you that he’s your boyfr- your ex-boyfriend?
“It’s alright, It just sucks that I can’t remember my life, like the most important time of my teenage years, you know? So, were we friends? Did you know me?”, you were too nice, he didn’t deserve that.
“Uhm… no, I mean we were in the same class, and, uh, you were always nice to everyone and you were always smiling and stuff…”, he blushed.
“Do you want to go to McDonald’s with me? I know we just kind of met but I want to hear more about last year, about everything I forgot, you don’t have to, of course.”, you didn’t know why, but your heart beats faster as you talked to that guy you didn’t even remember.
“Sure, yeah I’d love to.”, spending time with you? Mark would never say no to that.
You were sitting next to Mark as he told you stories about your past.
“One day, Mr. Jung send you to detention because you were eating a happy meal in the middle of class.”, he told you and you laughed for the first time since forever.
“No way!”
“You really did that, it was hilarious. And oh, we sneaked out before your detention ended to eat another happy meal- “, he stopped talking as he told you about a memory you shared. “We? I thought we weren’t close.”, you asked.
“I mean you, I-I just said we because we were just eating a happy meal.”, he tried to safe himself.
And that’s how your relationship with Mark Lee started again. You didn’t know that he was your neighbor, you didn’t know that he was your ex-boyfriend and the reason for your memory loss.
Mark and you got closer in the last couple of months, nobody knew that though, not your family and not his, you slowly but deeply fell in love with him and since he loved you already, it didn’t take you long to skip class and go to the roof to make out.
Mark wanted to tell you everything, he wanted to tell you that you have a history together, but he was scared, scared of losing you forever.
“Babe?”, he said.
“Yeah?”, you mumbled, eyes closed. Your head was on his thigh as he caressed your hair softly.
“I love you.”, he confessed.
You opened your eyes immediately and looked at him with big round eyes. “I love you.”, he said again.
“I love you too.”, you got up and sat next to him. You held his hand as you locked eyes. “Can I kiss you?”, he asked softly.
You nodded. You didn’t even know If you had your first kiss, or even a boyfriend, but it felt right. Everything about Mark felt right.
“Before I met you, I was really sad that I couldn’t remember anything, but If I hadn’t lost my memory, we’d never be like this- together. I’m glad that I fell.”
“No!”, he said, raising his voice a little. “I mean, don’t say that. You lost your memory and I’m just.. me. I don’t know I just- I’m also happy that I met you.”, he smiled at you and then he kissed your forehead. “I’m going to fill you pretty head with the greatest memories ever.”
Mark never brought you home, he would always go another way, wait and then he’d go home, when it was dark outside. His mother was a little worried, and after 3 months, your family still didn’t know that he was back.
You’ve been officially dating for a whole month now. It was your one-month anniversary and Mark asked you out. It was a simple date, a dinner and then going to the movies. You didn’t tell your mother that you were going on a date, you told her that you’d meet your new friends from school.
Mark was leaning against his car as you arrived at the restaurant- looking absolutely pretty in your black dress.
“Baby you look gorgeous.”, he pecked your lips. “Sorry that I couldn’t pick you up.”
“It’s alright. My brother drove me.”
His heart stopped beating.
“Y-your brother? I-Is he here?”, he tried to hide behind you. “Don’t worry babe, he let me out on the other side of the street. He didn’t see you.”, you smiled.
Mark was relieved. “Okay, good. I wouldn’t want him to see me with his, uhm, little sister.”
“I would also prefer that you two meet after I tell him that you exist.”, you smiled at him. He shuddered. “You’re going to tell him about us?”
“Of course, you’re my boyfriend and he’s my brother, I don’t want to keep you as a secret.”
Mark gulped, his hands were sweaty, and he was scared.
You entered the restaurant, a little Italian restaurant that looked really pretty. “Wow Mark this place is so great.”, you changed the topic and Mark wasn’t even really listening. His heartbeat louder than your voice. “It kinda feels familiar.”, maybe it was because your first official date with Mark was also here.
You also sat down at your usual place, which you, of course, didn’t know. “Do you think I was here before?”, you asked him as your eyes scanned the restaurant. “I don’t know.. maybe.”
“Are you ready to order?”, the waiter asked and without even glancing at the menu you ordered. “I’d like to have pasta with chicken.”
Mark looked at you, he was confused. What are the odds that you order the same meal you always ordered here. He ordered the pizza he also always ordered, hoping it was just coincidence.
After almost 30 minutes, your orders came. Suddenly, your head hurt. Images of this place rushed through your head. You were eating your Pasta, but you weren’t alone, there was someone with you, but you couldn’t recognize that person.
“Shit what was that.”, you held your head and closed your eyes. “Are you alright babe?”, Mark held your hand and looked at you with worry in his eyes. “Yeah it’s just- This place, I was here before with someone and I was eating exactly the same thing- but I don’t really know. It felt like a déjà vu.”
Mark’s heart was about to fall out of his chest. “M-Maybe it was your brother.”
“Probably.”, you smiled.
After your dinner and the movie you watched (which you couldn’t even really watch because Mark was so close and his hand was holding yours), you left and drove to a perfect spot to talk and, well, make out.
It started with a simple kiss, but now you were sitting on his lap on the backseat as you kissed him, his hands all over your body. You were so close to him, he was losing his mind. Your dress couldn’t even cover your body. His hands on your thighs pulling you closer as his tongue slipped into your mouth.
“M-Mark.”, you moaned as his lips now sucked on your neck.
You could feel him getting harder and harder and you wanted him, you wanted more, but you didn’t want to lose your virginity on the backseat of a car.
“M-Mark, fuck, wait- “, and he stopped before his hand could reach your panties. “Y-Yeah? Am I going too fast?”, he asked, breathing heavily.
“N-No, it’s just- I’m still a virgin.”, you said shyly.
“No- oh wait- “, he stopped talking as soon as he remembered that you didn’t remember. “Y-You’re right, I’m sorry, I got carried away.”, he blushed. After a whole year without touching you- feeling you, his mind was fuzzy. “It’s alright- I just want to do it, uhm, in a bed or something…”, you were still sitting on his lap, and when you moved your body, Mark moaned. “Y-You- Stop moving like this.”
“Oh yeah right sorry.”, how embarrassing, you thought.
“I’ll take you home now okay baby? Did you have fun tonight?”, he asked. It was late and completely dark outside, he’d never let you go home alone.
“It was an amazing day, thank you.”, you pecked his lips one last time before you moved to the front seat with him.
As Mark drove you home, he remembered that one last time you had sex. It wasn’t a good memory, maybe even one of the worst.
Flashback
“Mark? Where the hell were you? It’s fucking 4 am in the morning!”
Mark forgot that you were coming over, he was with his friends, doing things you didn’t want him to do and now he had to deal with you.
You noticed that he was drunk and high again. “Mark do you want to kill yourself? Did you lose your mind?”, Mark ignored you as he took off his shirt to change to his pajama. You were standing next to him as you tried to get answers.
“I really don’t want to talk to you right now, my head’s about to explode.”, Mark took off his pants as he ignored your presence.
“You don’t want to talk to me? I’m sorry but I texted you and called you hundred times. You could at least tell me where you were, or with whom and when you were coming home. Or just text me that you were safe. I was fucking worried!”, the last couple weeks were always like this, you talking and him ignoring you.
Mark jumped on his bed, getting angrier every passing second. “I told you to shut up.”
“No, I won’t shut up. You are acting like a stupid asshole. You need to stop, Mark please I’m begging you, stop this.”, you weren’t angry anymore, you were worried and sad.
“It’s none of your business.”, he said coldly, his world was spinning but he didn’t care.
“It is. I am your girlfriend, and I don’t want my boyfriend to kill himself because of his stupid friend and stupid drugs.”
You were standing in front of Mark and now he was looking up to you. “Right. You’re my girlfriend.”, he gripped your wrists and pulled you to him. He changed your positions, you were now under him.
“M-Mark.”
“If you are my girlfriend I can do this right?”, he kissed you on the lips, his cold hand under your shirt. You kissed him back, it felt like you didn’t kiss Mark for years. You had missed it, even If he just ignored the fact that you were worried.
He kissed his way down to you neck. You moaned as you felt his hand on your boob. “Let me take this off, alright babe?”, he asked you. You nodded.
Mark took off your bra and shirt and tossed it away. He kissed your boobs and sucked on your nipples. You felt yourself getting wetter and Mark was hard, even though he was still high and drunk. “Gonna fuck you, okay baby?”, he was suddenly sweet and nice to you. You were happy that he still asked you If you were okay with having sex. “Yes please.”, you moaned.
He took off your jeans and your panties, going straight to you pussy with his fingers and tongue. Without hesitating he pushed two fingers inside of you. “Fuck.”, it hurt a little, but it was alright. Mark sucked on your clit and he was so hard that he stopped before you came. “M-Mark fuck I was about to cum.”, he didn’t care. He looked for a condom in his nightstand and then you felt him against you entrance. You were still really tight, and you thought he’d be slow, but he rammed his cock inside of you.
And he didn’t stop, he penetrated your pussy with hard thrusts and tears formed in the corner of your eyes. “M-Mark… too much- “, but Mark was in trance, he pulled out, you thought he’d be slower now, but he just turned your around so that you were on all four. He gripped your hips, probably leaving bruises.
Again, Mark pushed his cock deep inside of your pussy, his thrusts were hard and fast, his hand was on your clit, circling it and you came. “Mark, stop- it hurts, please.”, you cried as Mark overstimulated you. With his other hand he grabbed your boob and finally released his seeds into the condom.
Your body arched, the way Mark fucked you so roughly was too much for you. You could barely move your legs as you wiped away your tears.
Mark was breathing heavily as he threw the condom into the trashcan.
You hid your body under his blanket. Mark slowly realized how you told him to stop, and how he didn’t listen.
Mark put on his boxers as he went to his bathroom to get a towel. “Let me clean you up.”, he asked slowly. “No, I-I can do it myself.”
He only nodded as he looked at you with heavy eyes. “I’m sorry that I didn’t stop, I didn’t want to hurt you.”, he was about to cry as he saw the pain in your eyes. “I just, I thought you’d like it, I don’t know why I did that.”, you knew why. The drugs, his friends. Everything, just everything around him changed him and made him rougher. Maybe even you.
“Just forget it, Mark.”, you told him, but you meant yourself. You tried to forget that he hurt you like that. “I’m going home.”
He remembered that day, no matter how much he tried to forget it. He was disgusted and angry at himself. He slowly turned to a monster and even If you tried to save him, he was too blind.
Mark wore a cap in the car, you didn’t question why, he stopped on the other side of your house, on his side of the street. The lights in his house were on, even though it was past midnight. “You know, I have no idea who lives in that house, my brother told me that a woman lives there and that’s it. And I never met her, well, as far as I can remember.”
“Maybe it’s better that way, who knows.”
“You’re right.”, you looked at him. “I love you Mark.”
“I love you more, (Y/n). You have no idea how much I love you.”, before he started crying, you kissed his cheek and went home. Mark couldn’t go home yet. He drove two streets further. He cried and cried, he didn’t know If lying to you was better than telling you the truth, the ugly truth.
You were in the cafeteria eating your sandwich with Mark as one of your old teachers approached you. She was your math teacher last year but obviously you didn’t remember but Mark did.
“Hello, you two, it’s nice to see you still together after last year. How are you feeling (Y/n)? You’ve spent so much time in hospital last year, we all missed you.”, she said.
You were confused. What did she mean with still together?
“Uhm, I’m much better now, I think Mrs.- “, you had no idea who that woman in front of you was. “Oh right I’m sorry- Mrs. Kim. I was your math teacher last year.”, Mrs. Kim smiled at you two. You were so confused that you didn’t notice Mark being nervous next to you. He was scared that Mrs. Kim would say more about your relationship with him.
“So do you remember Mark?”, she asked.
Mark’s eyes widened, he chocked on his juice and you did not understand anything.
“No, not really.”, you said with a sad smile.
“Oh, but look, you still found each other again.”
Before Mrs. Kim could say anything more, the bell rang, and Mark could finally breath again.
“Mrs. Kim we really have to go to class now.”, Mark grabbed your hand and pulled you with him.
“Mark what did she mean?”, you asked him, but he ignored you. “Mark? Can you let go?”, Mark’s grip tightened, and it started hurting.
He pulled you to the rooftop, ignoring the fact that you indeed had to go to class. “Mark you’re hurting me.”, you finally said, and he immediately let go.
“W-what? I’m sorry I didn’t want to! I’m sorry I didn’t want to hurt you please forgive me.”, Mark hugged you tightly and apologized. He hated to hear that he hurt you.
“Hey, calm down. It’s alright. But please tell me what Mrs. Kim was talking about.”, you hugged him back to assure him that it was alright.
“I don’t know, I guess she talked about how we ended in the same class again or something. I really don’t know.” he said as he placed a sweet little kiss on your neck.
“Oh, okay.”
Mark kissed his way from your neck up to your mouth. He kissed you slowly, his hand on your cheek slowly stroking your skin with his thumb. He entered your mouth with his tongue and the slow kiss turned to a heavy make-out session.
You were so lost in the kiss that you didn’t notice the raindrops slowly falling. It started raining heavily and as you kissed Mark, your head hurt again. Your lips left his and you closed your eyes, holding your head tightly.
“Shit shit Mark it hurts.”, the images In your head felt familiar, the way you kissed Mark on the rooftop of your school under the rain felt so familiar.
It felt familiar because It happened already.
Flashback
“Mark are you crazy? It’s raining!”, you laughed at your boyfriend who insisted to skip class to go to the rooftop.
“What about it? It’s just rain babe.”, Mark was standing in the middle of the rooftop, completely wet. He looked up to the sky, eyes closed and a big smile on his face.
“Your gonna get sick!”, but Mark didn’t care.
“Come here! Let’s get sick together and we can stay at home and cuddle!”, you laughed at his comment.
“Fuck it.”, you ran to Mark and hugged him tightly. “It’s so cold!”, you were freezing.
“I’ll keep you warm.”, and then Mark placed his lips on yours.
You really felt warmer, with his arms around you and his soft lips on yours. You made out under the rain until it stopped, and the dark clouds were gone, and the sun shined again. “Look a rainbow! Make a wish!”, you said as you looked up to the sky.
“My wish has already come true.”, you didn’t notice the way he looked at you. But after a couple months he stopped looking at you like you were the most important thing in his life. Mark slowly replaced you with drugs.
Bit by bit, your memories came back, but you weren’t sure If your mind was playing with you or If the memories actually happened.
Two weeks later, you were smiling so hard because of a sweet text Mark had sent you and Taeyong caught you. “Why are you smiling like that?”, he asked you. You mother was out, grocery shopping, and your older brother wanted to hang out with you, help you to remember a couple things.
“Alright, I’ll tell you. But don’t do that older brother cringe shit, okay?”, you smiled brightly. “Okay, I promise.”
“I, uhm, I have a boyfriend.”, you confessed.
“You? A boyfriend?”, he asked mockingly. “Shut up! I’m serious.”, you laughed. “Alright alright. So, tell me about him.”
“Well, just like me he’s repeating the last school year because he missed it. He’s super cute and so adorable, he’s like a little puppy you’d want to cuddle forever. He’s born August 2nd and he’s a Leo.”
“What’s his name?”, your brother asked casually as he ate chips. “His name’s Mark, he lived in Canada, that’s why he missed- “
“What the fuck are you saying?!”, Taeyong yelled.
“W-What?”, his sudden outburst surprised you. “His name’s M-Mark.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”, Taeyong yelled again. “Yong, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”
“You stay here, you hear me?!”, you nodded even though you were really confused. Taeyong ran straight out of the house as you watched him through the window, running across the street and hammering on the door of your mysterious neighbor.
“Open the door!”, Taeyong yelled.
You were too curious to just stay here, and you didn’t understand anything that’s why you ignored Taeyong order and ran after him.
“What is going on- Taeyong?”, a woman, your mother’s age, opened the door with a shocked expression.
“He’s here isn’t he?! When did he come back and why didn’t you tell us?! I told you not to let him close to my sister ever again- “, he yelled but someone interrupted him, someone you didn’t except to see there.
“Mom what’s going- H-hyung?”, Mark almost dropped his phone as he saw Taeyong’s angry face, he could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears. Mark’s eyes travelled behind Taeyong, meeting yours.
“I told you to stay away from her! I told you to leave her the fuck alone!”, Taeyong screamed.
“M-Mark? W-What are you doing in… in that house?”, you were so confused, scared and your head started hurting.
“I-I can explain- ““No! You can’t explain shit! Didn’t I tell you to stay away from her? Are you fucking addicted to hurting her? She lost her memory because of you!”, Taeyong referred to Mark’s addiction before. Everything started to make sense, the déjà vu’s you had whenever you were with Mark, his fear of meeting your brother, his overprotectiveness and shit, even Mrs. Kim was so obvious about your connection with Mark.
“Hyung please just listen to me, I changed- I’m not the same anymore. I’m a better person now- “
“A better person?! You’re using her! Again! You’re using her memory loss! You’ll never be- “
“(Y/n)!”, Mark yelled as he saw you collapsing on the floor with blood coming out of your nose. Your head hurt so much like never before, seeing Mark in that house, that woman and just everything right now was too much. Why did they know each other? Scenarios of Mark, Taeyong and you played in your head. How you hung out together, how you talked to Taeyong about Mark and the memory of you talking to Mark’s mom about Mark’s addiction. It was too much.
You woke up with a heavy headache. Taeyong sitting right next to you and your mother on the other side. “W-Where’s Mark.”, was the first thing you asked. “I’m calling the doctor.”, Taeyong said coldly.
“M-Mom? My head hurts.”, you said. Your mother placed a kiss on your forehead. “Everything will be alright, honey.”
You fell asleep again, too exhausted because of the memories that came back. You dreamed of moments with Mark, moments that felt so real, moments that actually happened but you couldn’t remember before. Mark and you going to McDonald’s after midnight. Mark and you making out in your bedroom. Mark’s hands all over your body as you two had sex. Mark yelling at you, throwing things on the floor and just hurting you. Mark being high and fighting with someone who wanted to dance with you at a party. Many memories of you crying and him yelling. All your memories came back, many puzzle pieces finally together.
You remembered everything.
Mark played with you, again. He broke your heart, again, and you had lost your memory because of him.
You didn’t tell anyone that your memories came back. You wanted to talk to Mark about everything first, you wanted to hear him tell you the truth and that’s why you texted him to meet you at the rooftop.
“I was so worried.” as soon as Mark arrived, he hugged you from behind. “Are you alright, princess? I’m sorry that I couldn’t visit- “, you interrupted him “You can stop the act now, Mark.”
“W-What do you mean?”, he knew exactly what you were talking about.
“Were you ever going to tell me?”, you asked, trying to hold in your tears.
“Babe- “
“I asked you a question!”, you raised your voice. “I wanted to. I swear I wanted to tell you, but I was so scared.”
You pushed his arms away and turned to him. “I can remember. Everything.”
“I-It was an accident, I love you. I always loved you.”, he cried.
“Not as much as you loved your drugs.”, you were tired, your head was arching.
“No that’s not true… I-I changed… I went to rehab I’m clean… I love you”, he couldn’t even look you in the eyes. “And all you needed was to push me down the stairs to become clean?”, you allowed your tears to fall down no, it hurt too much to hold them in.
“I’m so sorry, I love you.”
“You told me that I’m useless. You told me that you never wanted to see me again, you told me that I’m a piece of shit. If so, why did you make me fall in love with you again?”, your voice cold as ice and your eyes empty.
“I didn’t mean any of it. I was high and… and angry and just stupid, I promise you I- “, Mark fell on his knees, holding onto your legs. “I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it.”, he repeated his words over and over again. “I didn’t mean it, please forgive me. Please I love you so much. I can’t live without you.”
“I don’t even know you.”
“You do. You know me! I’m Mark, the Mark who loves you forever until his last breath, I’d die for you, I’m the Mark you always wanted me to be. I love you (Y/n).”
“I-I can’t trust you.”, it hurt so much.
“Yes, you can, just give me a chance. The last months, they were perfect. You fell In love with me twice, we are destined to be together. Please just give me one last chance to make you happy.”, Mark was back on his feet, holding your face in his hands, slowly stroking your tears away with his thumbs.
“I-I don’t know, it’s too much for me right now.”
“Please, please give me another chance, let me show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I love you so much.”, Mark kissed your tears away. “I love everything about you. I love your nose, I love your beautiful eyes and I love the way you laugh. I love the way you want to help everyone. You’re so kind, sweet, you have a big heart. I want to hear you laugh until my last day on this planet. I don’t want to see you cry or hurt, I want to make you happy- I just want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’m so thankful that we moved here, I can’t imagine my life without you.”
You knew that Mark’s your soulmate, you fell in love with him twice and all good things come in threes, right?
You kissed him on the lips like never before, so many emotions were going through your bodies and connected like your lips. Pain, longing, yearning, hurt, passion, desire & bittersweet love.
“I still need time, this is just still too much for me to handle. The memories- it feels like I’m with two different Mark’s here right now. I know that you changed, but still, it feels like I just went through the pain all over again.”, you said as you broke off the kiss.
“I understand that, and you can have as much time as you want. I’ll wait for you, no matter what.”, Mark smiled at you and you could feel that he was genuine.
It took a few months until Taeyong accepted the fact that you and Mark were trying again. He still didn’t allow him in the house or any physical contact next to him. Mark proved you that he really changed, he always made sure to make you happy and feel loved. Not a single day without Your mothers started talking again and a heartbreaking, but sweet restart happened. Mark and you finished high school and fortunately you got accepted to the same college. You moved in together and lived the life you always dreamed of.
“Everything’s perfect, but do you know what’s missing?”, Mark asked as you snuggled up to him under the blanket.
“What?”, you placed a sweet little kiss on his jaw.
“Babies.”
#mark lee angst#nct scenarios#nct angst#nct smut#nct127#mark lee x you#mark lee smut#mark lee x reader#nct imagines#nct 127 angst#nct127 smut#superm#nct2020#kpop fics#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines
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Family Ties - Charlie Gillespie x Reader (16+)
Request: Can you please do one where either Charlie is meeting your family or you’re meeting his and he keeps trying to be touchy/wanting to have sex but you/him don’t want to get caught xx
Word Count: 1721 words
Summary: your annual family trip gets a little bit more hands on when your boyfriend Charlie and his family join you
Warnings: heavy makeout, touching, a little bit of grinding, swearing, mentioned and implied sex
A/N: sorry if this editing is shit my brain is not working lol
hopefully y’all like this one, ive been debating on rewriting it for what feels like years but fuck it i dont have that motivation lol
also idk if theres beaches in canada like what we have here in aus but if there isnt oh well in this fictional version of canada they have aussie beaches
anyways, enjoy!
Tag List: @happinessinthedarkesttimes @littlemissaddict @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic @headheartbellarke @lovesanimals @bartok-the-magnificent @juliefromaustralia @multi-universe21 @rangerelik @kaitieskidmore1 @katrina765 @fandomxreaders @ifilwtmfc
It had all started when you had jokingly suggested that you should invite your boyfriend Charlie and his family along on your annual family trip to the beach. Your mother had agreed, and before you knew it she was on the phone to Charlie’s mother working the whole plan out.
Your family lives in Quebec, and Charlie’s in Dieppe, so your mum’s quickly decided that your family would drive to his house, and then the two families would continue the rest of the way together.
So that’s how you ended up in your dad’s old truck, pulling into the driveway of the Gillespie house at 6am in the morning after almost 8 hours of driving.
You jumped out quickly, wanting to get away from your brother’s annoying rap music and your sister’s constant whining about being bored as quickly as you could. The front door of Charlie’s house swung open and within a few seconds you were being pulled into the arms of your boyfriend, inhaling his familiar scent.
“God I missed you.” He murmured into your shoulder and you grinned.
“I missed you more handsome.” You replied, exchanging a soft kiss.
Charlie’s family joined him outside and after a few quick introductions, you were on your way to the beach, this time tucked away in the passenger’s seat of Charlie’s car.
-
Once you arrived your families spent the day at the beach, and Charlie couldn’t keep his hands off of you. By the time you finally headed off to bed you were certain that every other person in the house was sick of his touchy behaviour.
You made yourself comfortable on the bed, watching Charlie as he entered the room, shutting the door behind him.
“I don’t think your dad likes me that much.” He said with a giggle, flopping down onto the bed. You rolled over to look at him.
“He’d like you a lot more if you stopped looking at me and touching me like you want to fuck me at every free moment you have.” You stated, and a light blush appeared on Charlie’s cheeks.
“You think he noticed that?” He asked, pressing his nose against yours.
“I can’t imagine he wouldn’t. You haven’t been subtle at all. We’ve only been here for the day and you’ve tried to jump me three times and that’s not even counting the shower sex.” He grinned cheekily at your words.
“I can’t help it, you’re just so hot.” He whined, and you rolled your eyes.
“But we’re on a holiday with both of our families. You gotta tone down the horny.” You said. He sighed dramatically.
“Fine, I’ll try to be better tomorrow. But for now, we’re all alone... and it’s our first night...” He trailed off, pouting, his eyes dark with lust. You nodded once and that was all the consent he needed, crashing his lips against yours and making quick work of climbing on top of you and sliding his tongue into your mouth.
You moaned, your fingers scraping down his back as he grinded his hips into yours.
“Fuck.” You mumbled against his lips, your hands finding a place in his hair. You tugged lightly on his hair causing him to moan into your mouth.
“Hey Y/N?” Your mum’s voice called.
“Shit.” You exclaimed, pushing Charlie off you. Not expecting the reaction, he jumped slightly, falling off the edge of the bed with a thud.
You giggled as your mum opened the door, frowning as she took in the sight.
“Charlie, why are you on the floor?” She questioned. You laughed harder.
“Fell.” He replied simply, rolling over to stand up, climbing back onto the bed.
“What’s up Mum?” You asked, hoping that you didn’t look like you had been making out with your boyfriend only moments ago.
“Did you remember to grab the bag of board games? We were going to play Monopoly.” She said, leaning against the door. You nodded.
“I put it in the little den room.” You told her and she smiled.
“Thanks Hon, you two are welcome to join us if you’d like.” She invited. Charlie shook his head.
“We’re good thanks Mrs Y/L/N. My mum is scary good at Monopoly so I’d rather not lose to her again.” He grinned and your mum returned the smile.
“Well the offer is there if you want it.” She said, before leaving the room. You let out a sigh of relief.
“That was a close one.” You mumbled. Charlie nodded, leaning in to kiss you again. You pulled back, giving him an incredulous look.
“Really? You’re still horny after being interrupted by my mum and monopoly?” You asked. Charlie pouted.
“A bit.” He admitted. You rolled your eyes at him, pushing him away. He whined but gave in, curling up next to you instead.
“Tomorrow night.” You said, flicking the tv on. Charlie snuggled his face into your upper back.
“You promise?” He mumbled against your skin. You nodded.
“I promise. But only if you’re good during the day.” You bargained. He thought for a moment before humming in agreement.
“Deal.”
-
“This is not being good.” You whispered to Charlie as his hand crawled up your thigh at lunch the next day.
It was tradition for your family to get lunch at your favourite restaurant on the second day, and you had barely been there twenty minutes when Charlie started to get fidgety.
“I’m not doing anything.” He lied, giving you an innocent smile.
“Bullshit.” You muttered in reply, and Charlie shook his head, making a disapproving sound.
“Language.” He faked disappointment.
“Fuck you.” You rolled your eyes. He gave you a flirty smile.
“Oh I wish you would.” He teased, his voice deepening slightly.
“Charles.” You warned, and he sighed, sitting back up again, his hand returning to your knee.
“Remember our deal?” You said quietly, and he nodded.
“How could I forget, I’m so sexually frustrated I might explode.” He admitted. You stared at him in disbelief.
“We literally had sex yesterday evening.” You whispered, your voice hushed. Charlie nodded, eyes wide.
“Exactly! It’s almost been a whole 24 hours.” He sighed.
“A whole 24 hours since what?” Meghan questioned, and you choked on a mouthful of fish, grabbing your glass of Coke quickly to wash it down.
“None of your business.” Charlie retorted. “Stop eavesdropping.”
“Don’t have private conversations around other people then.” Meghan bit back, but dropped the conversation anyway. Charlie gave you a relieved look.
“That was close.” You muttered.
“You’re telling me. Almost enough to get rid of the semi in my pants.” He winked and you hit his arm.
“Charles. Stop it.” You reprimanded. He grinned cheekily.
“You love me.” He sung, placing a wet kiss on your cheek. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes.
“I’m reconsidering.”
-
“So what were you and Charlie discussing at lunch that was so private?” Meghan questioned, once you, her and your sister Isabella were alone sunbathing later that afternoon. You cringed slightly.
“You don’t want to know.” You replied.
“Oh god was it a sex thing?” Isabella gasped, and Meghan’s eyes widened in fear. You blushed.
“I told you that you didn’t want to know.” You said simply, and they both squealed in disgust.
“Do mum and dad know that you’re sleeping with Charlie?” Isabella asked after a pause. You rolled your eyes.
“I’m a fully grown adult Bel, I don’t need parental permission to have sex with my boyfriend.” You told her. Meghan fake gagged.
“Can we not talk about this? I do not want to think about my brother having sex.” She begged. You grinned slightly.
“You were the one who brought it up.” You said. Meghan sighed.
“If I’d known it was a sex thing I would have never.” She replied.
“With Charlie it’s always a sex thing.” You answered.
Meghan and Isabella groaned in unison as you giggled, flopping back into your chair.
You really needed to get some girl friends who weren’t your sister and your boyfriend’s sister.
-
“Was I good today?” Charlie questioned, jumping onto the bed next to you as you scrolled through Instagram that night.
You put you phone down, pretending to think.
“Well, you tried to tease me at lunch and then tried to discuss it, which then led to me having a very awkward conversation with our sisters about our sex life. So I’m gonna go with no.” You said. Charlie’s eyes widened.
“Y/N!” He gasped. “You can’t do that to me.”
“Why not? I told you to be good and you weren’t so that’s on you.” You replied, returning to scrolling on your phone. Charlie placed his head on your chest, pouting.
“But...” He trailed off. You raised an eyebrow.
“But what?” You questioned. He sighed loudly.
“But I’m so horny.” He complained. You rolled your eyes.
“That sounds like a you problem.” You replied.
“Baby.” Charlie whined, dragging out the ‘y’. “I’m gonna get blue balls, do you want that?”
“You’ve got hands. And I know you know how to use them.” You said. He sat up, giving you his infamous puppy eyes.
“Please?” He asked. You stared at him, not wiling to budge.
“Your sex drive is frankly disturbing Gillespie.” You told him.
“I know.” He agreed, batting his eyes at you. “Please?”
You groaned.
“Fine.” You said. His eyes widened.
“Really?” He questioned, a grin appearing on his face.
“Yes. Quickly, before I change my mind.” You nodded. Charlie moved forward but paused.
“Wait.” He said. You frowned.
“What now?” You questioned, your tone clearly showing your exasperation.
“You want to do this, right? I’m not making you do anything you don’t want to be doing?” He asked, suddenly serious, and your frown fell as your heart filled with love for the boy in front of you and the fact that he was still asking for consent despite how desperately horny he claimed to be. You lent in, kissing him gently.
“I promise you’re not forcing me to do anything I don’t want to do.” You said softly.
“You’re sure?” He checked. You nodded.
“Positive.” You reassured him. He grinned.
“I love you.” He whispered, leaning closer.
“I love you too.” You replied.
And with that Charlie pulled you towards him, ready to show you just how much he really loved you.
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Professional - Jonathan Toews
Summary: You were expecting things to become calm after landing the position as Jonathan Toews' PA, as calm as your stressful job could be. Your relationship with your boss, though, makes your life become anything but calm.
A/N: It’s here! It’s out! Wanna thank my bestie @captaindaddies for helping me out with some stuff, ily bby ❤️
Word Count: 14,4k
Warnings: Lots of swearing, SMUT, maybe even a tip of angst, lots of nervousness and lots of teasing. Mentions of Patrick Kane, if it might bother.
Nervous, that was how you felt. Standing on the front steps of Jonathan Toews’ house was you, your bag nervously pulled close to your side as you mustered the courage to knock, to let him know you were finally ready to work as his personal assistant.
How you landed the job was still unknown to you: you were inexperienced, and everyone could tell by the way you were nervously standing in front of his front door. Still searching for the courage inside of you, you breathed out a sigh. You needed to get your shit together.
Jonathan Toews wasn’t intimidating. Right?
After breathing in a large amount of air and pushing it out of your lungs quickly, you let your knuckles hit the wood of his door, your heart hammering against your ribcage. You waited, for so long you almost thought you had missed him due to his early morning practice. When the door opened, though, you were met with a composed-looking hockey player.
You had seen him only through the screen of your laptop, but you could say that he looked way better in real life. Trying not to get too lost in his dark eyes, you greeted him softly, a nervous smile on your features.
“Y/N! Great to finally meet you in person!” He spoke, his voice deeper than you could remember as he looked at you, a professional smile on his lips. “Come in, I got a few minutes before I have to leave for practice,”
“Thank you, Mr. Toews,” was all you were able to mutter, getting rid of your coat and holding it in your arms as you looked around the rather large mansion. He gave you a small tour, and you found yourself mesmerized by everything he had shown you, from the high ceilings to the large windows that viewed Lincoln Park.
“I left a list of things to do on the kitchen counter,” he said when you found yourselves back in the main hall. “You’ll find everything you might need in that paper,”
“Okay, sir,” you smiled, finally at ease. Rummaging through your purse, you grabbed the stack of papers you had printed out for the occasion, carefully handing it to him. “You asked for my curriculum,”
“Right,” he nodded his head, scanning through the words quickly. “I’ll take a look at it after practice,”
You smiled his way, nodding your head before he could leave the room to grab his bag, leaving you on your own in the large hall. You hesitantly let yourself wander inside the kitchen, where the paper he had talked about was sitting neatly on the isle.
“I’m heading out,” he called from the hallway. “My number is on that paper, if you need help with anything,”
“Thank you, Mr. Toews,”
“Oh, and make yourself at home, Y/N,”
-
“What are you even reading, man?” Patrick sighed as he dropped his helmet on the bench, looking at an already-showered Jonathan slumped over a bunch of papers.
“My PA’s curriculum,” Jon mumbled, lower lip tugged between his lips.
The teammate snatched the papers from his hands, scanning through the words with a smirk on his face. “Originally from Canada, fresh out of college, worked for a company for a couple of months, ten years younger than you,” he nodded his head. “And she’s even hot,”
“It’s strictly professional,” Jon huffed, jokingly punching his friend’s shoulder as he turned around to grab some clothes, his eyes finding your picture attached to the files as he did so.
“Yeah, sure,” Patrick rolled his eyes as he took off his skates. Jonathan got dressed in silence, his mind wandering back to you and what you could have been doing at the mansion. He had received no call from you, no text, so he was guessing everything was coming along just fine back at his place.
“You aren’t even going to give it a thought?” Patrick asked after a while. “You’ve been single for ages, man,”
“She’s my employee,” Jonathan sighed, sending his teammate a dirty look. “I pay her to work for me, that’s all,”
“Whatever you say, Jon,”
“I’ll see you later, Kaner,” was all Jon said as he grabbed his duffle bag, propping it over his shoulder as he left the room, his mind elsewhere. Entering his Tesla, he took a deep breath and decided to go grab another coffee, something he didn’t do too often.
Patrick was exaggerated, Jon knew it already, but his teasing words impressed themselves into his mind. He wasn’t going to lie to himself, he had taken a liking to you from the first moment you had your call together for your interview. You were kind, a smile constantly on your face as you answered his questions, you were willing to do everything he asked you to do.
He shook his head when that phrase formed itself in his brain, taking a rather different turn from the professional relationship the two of you shared. Hell, he was shocked at his own self when he let his mind even go there just after your first time meeting in real life.
Turning off the car in the coffee shop’s parking lot after grabbing his usual order, he slid his phone out of his pocket. His brain was telling him not to do it, not to get too into your business, but he wasn’t thinking straight anymore.
He couldn’t even remember when the last time he had pressed on that contact’s name was, that was how much time had passed since he had last called that person. He didn’t hesitate, finally starting the call and pressing the device to his ear, his eyes focusing on the steering wheel.
“Mike? Hey, it’s Jon,” was all he said as soon as the old acquaintance picked up. “I need a background check on someone,”
-----
You had graduated at the top of the class, moved away from home for college, to Edmonton. You had an older brother, you weren’t big on sports when you were younger, you liked traveling. All the information was engraved in Jon’s mind.
You didn’t like being late, it was clear from the way you had apologized earlier that morning, Jonathan’s coffee in your hands as you mumbled sorrowful words. You overworked yourself, you weren’t one to leave work undone, and you didn’t like disappointing people.
From his spot in his living room, Jonathan analyzed you, his brows furrowed in concentration and arms folded over his chest. You were interesting, to say the least. There was something about you that had him extremely intoxicated.
Was it your sweet perfume? Was it your laugh? Or the way you spoke? He didn’t know. Less than two months. That was how long it took his thoughts to become anything but professional, that’s how long it took for him to become more than aquaintained with your presence.
Was it your inexperience? Only two boyfriends throughout high school and college, both lasted less than two months. Or was it your innocence?
You kept him awake at night, thinking about you the way a boss shouldn’t think about his employee. You had become a constant distraction at practice, during meetings, during moments he had less expected to even think about you.
He had never felt that weak for a woman ten years his junior, and he truly felt frustrated.
“Mr. Toews? Everything okay?”
Your sweet voice sent jolts through his body, snapping him out of his trance. Mr. Toews, the name kept making his cock strain against his pants, no matter how many times you called him that. “Yeah, I’m fine, Y/N,” he mumbled, voice deeper than usual as he stood up from the couch. He was at your side in just a few seconds, his eyes finding the screen of your laptop to see a schedule. “What are you doing?”
His arms caged you against the kitchen island as his chest slightly touched your back, his eyes still attached to your screen as your heartbeat quickened. “I uh- I’m organizing your schedule,” you stuttered, your body shivering from his closeness. “Player media tour is coming up soon,”
“Right,” he mumbled, a smirk painting itself on his lips as your breath got caught up in your throat when he squeezed your waist before leaving the room. You struggled to stay concentrated after he left, your mind going places it shouldn’t go as you cursed yourself for feeling that way about your boss.
Everything felt so wrong, from the way your heart hammered against your chest every time he stepped close to you, to the way you often found yourself in need of release from his teasing actions.
Working for Jonathan Toews had been unexpectedly hard, it was testing your boundaries. Holding yourself back, acting as if he wasn’t the only person you could think about, as if his name wasn’t the one you had found yourself screaming at night; it was becoming hard.
Two boring months had passed from the day you had started working for him, two boring months of taking care of his stuff and doing what you were told. Two boring months that took a turn and became two hard months when your attraction for your boss had started, two hard months that would soon become three, four, five…
Things needed to change, if you wanted to keep yourself away from any kind of heartbreak. You needed to change.
With a sigh, you unlocked your phone, letting your fingers do their work until a dating app was installed. You stared at its icon for what felt like ages, wondering whether it would be worth it or not, but eventually, you got yourself logged in.
And maybe, it was for the best.
-----
“Fuck-” you breathed out as you skimmed your way through the people crowding the streets of Chicago, some of them even wearing the Blackhawks jerseys. “I’m so late,”
You forgot to pick up his suit. His damn suit. You had been so concentrated on answering emails and getting things settled for him that the task had slipped out of your mind. The city was crowded, almost everyone seemed to be buzzed for the game, and you truly were late.
The familiar banner of the dry and clean was visible from where you were, and it took you less than a few minutes to actually reach their entrance, your breathing heavy. Your phone chimed in your hand, snapping your attention towards the message that you had received. Markus, one of the guys you had matched with on the dating app just a few weeks prior, was asking you out. If you wouldn’t have been as busy as you actually were, maybe you would have squealed in happiness, maybe you would have even called your cousin to let her know you were back in the dating scene. But you were late, your boss was waiting for you, and the text from Markus could be left on delivered for a little more.
Pushing your device inside the back pocket of your jeans, you stepped inside the warm environment of the workplace, picking up the clothing as quickly as you could before making your way back towards the mansion.
You were almost sweating when you finally closed the front door behind yourself, slipping off your coat and looking around the first story of the building for Jonathan, your mind thinking about the text from Markus. “Mr. Toews? I have the suit,”
“Upstairs!” Was all he yelled, lightly scaring you. You were hesitant to walk up the stairs. He hadn’t made it official, but it was pretty clear that he cared about his privacy, so you had taken it upon yourself to stay away from the sleeping area of the house.
You had visited that area twice: on your first day, when he had toured you around the mansion, and a week into your job, to hand him Advil after a pretty rough night at a club. Even then, you never walked past the threshold of his room, too scared to intrude.
Carefully, you started to make your way to the last floor of the house, dragging with you the suit and your nervousness. Shuffling sounds came from the end of the hallway, where the door was peeking open. The warm tones of the lights inside the master bedroom were slightly illuminating the hallway, inviting you to step closer.
“Mr. Toews?” You said, knocking lightly on the door. “I have your suit,”
He was quick to open the door completely, revealing his body to you. He had a white button-up on, his bottom being covered only by a pair of boxers. “Come in, I need your advice on something,”
Jonathan Toews was almost half-naked in front of you, showed no embarrassment from it, and you felt oh so turned on. But it was wrong, you weren’t supposed to feel that way, and that was when you made your decision. You were going on the date.
He walked towards the mirror, turning his back to you as you hesitantly stepped in. You laid the suit on his bed, keeping your eyes to the floor to avoid any kind of discomfort from his side.
“Help me choose my cufflinks?”
He was looking at you, motioning for you to go stand next to him with a small smile. When you obediently made your way towards him, he turned towards the mirror to sort out his tie. Your eyes met his quite big collection of cufflinks, everything looking so shiny and expensive. You weren’t shocked, it wasn’t a secret that you were working for a man with money, you were just surprised to see so much gold in front of your own eyes.
“I was going to go with these ones,” he mumbled, snapping you out of your thoughts and pointing towards the blue pair that was resting on the dresser. “But I’m not too sure. Choose a pair, please,”
With shaky hands, you let yourself pick the ones that had caught your attention from the start. They were golden, probably pure gold, resting cold in the palm of your hand as you inspected them. They stared back at you as the room fell silent, the only sounds coming from Jonathan, who was touching up the look of his tie.
“My grandfather’s,” you heard him say after a while, his deep voice bringing you back to reality. He was closer than you had thought, his warm palms gently holding your arms as he looked down at the pair you had chosen. “Good choice,”
Your cheeks burnt at his praise, your eyes looking up at his mirror reflection for a second. He had you flustered, and it was extremely unprofessional. Everything about your boss seemed to bring you to the edge: from the way he spoke, his voice deep and lustful, to the way his rough hands would randomly graze against yours, their touch so gentle.
“I’ll- I’ll be downstairs, I’ve got some stuff to finish,” you stuttered, biting on your lip as you started to make your way outside, stopping in your tracks when you remembered. “Oh, I had a question, sir,”
“Go on,”
“I was wondering if I could get off earlier, tomorrow night,”
“Anywhere special to be?” Jonathan asked, a smirk painting his lips as he completed the pre-game look.
“I have a date, sir,”
He tried to keep his expression as natural as possible, even though jealousy was truly burning him alive. He didn’t want to see you with someone else, someone who barely even knew you, or who barely even knew how to treat you.
He was pretty confident when it came to knowing you. Maybe the way he found out - thanks to Mike - wasn’t the best way to actually get to know you, but he knew what got you flustered, what had you weak. He knew how to make you feel that way.
How could a guy your age even know anything regarding your pleasure?
“Sir?”
“Yeah, it’s not a problem,” he mumbled - his voice fakely uninterested - ending the conversation as quickly as it started. That was your sign to leave the room, confused as to how you were supposed to feel. Happy because you were going to go on a date with Mark? Or sad because Jonathan seemed to not care at all, especially since you had thought he would, after all the teasing he had done on you?
His voice held you back one last time, making you turn around and catch his gaze in the mirror reflection. “Wish me luck?” Was all he said, making you remember just then that he had more important things to do to even care about your date.
“Good luck, Mr. Toews,”
-
Jon breathed out a long sigh as he let himself fall on one of Patrick’s couches, the glass of whiskey in his hand feeling cold against the warm skin of his palm. They had taken another loss, and that time, Jon was pretty confident when he said it was his fault.
He had tried to push you to the back of his mind, at least for one night, but it had been easier said than done. The jealousy he had felt just hours prior didn’t leave his body, and he wanted nothing more than to show you who you belonged to.
“Another fucking game, man,” Patrick scoffed, letting his body flop down next to him. “That shit gets me so pissed off,”
“Yeah, man,” was all Jonathan mumbled, putting the glass to his lip before taking a drink, the liquid burning his throat.
“How are things with your pretty girl?” Patrick changed the conversation, sending his friend a smirk as he sipped his own drink.
“What pretty girl?” Jon grumbled, looking at the whiskey in the glass with his eyebrows furrowed.
“Your PA, man,”
Jon fought the urge to roll his eyes, the look he sent his friend being enough to answer his question. “I told you, professional,”
“Come on, Jon,” Patrick chuckled. “You haven’t even given it a thought?”
Jonathan stayed silent for a few seconds, trying to gather his thoughts before actually giving his teammate an answer. Oh, he did give it a thought. Multiple times. “She’s going on a date tomorrow, that’s all you need to know,”
“And you’re jealous,”
“Am not,” Jon lied, scoffing as he downed the rest of his drink, pouring himself more.
“Then why are you telling me about this?” Patrick asked, knowing that no matter what, he was right. “Don’t act as if you haven’t been thinking about her, you’ve been weird ever since she started working for you,”
Jon clenched his jaw, his eyes directing towards the skyline of Chicago from Patrick’s windows. “Okay, yeah, maybe I am,” he admitted. “Guys her age will never be able to take care of her,”
“She obviously wanted a reaction from you, man,” Patrick rolled his eyes, so obvious in his point of view. “Why would she even tell you? You’re her boss, as you like to say,”
His thought made sense: why did you even tell him you were going on a date in the first place? “That girl got you fucked up, bud,” Patrick chuckled, shaking his head.
“Fuck, every time she calls me ‘sir’ and ‘Mr. Toews’-” Jon sighed out, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands. “I can’t resist her,”
“Then don’t,”
Sending his friend a dirty glare, he chugged another drink. “I’m serious, Toews. Just get the girl,”
“As if it’s that easy,” he mumbled under his breath, pushing his glass on the coffee table before standing up. “I’m outta here. Thanks, man, I’ll see you tomorrow,”
Heading out of the house, he wanted nothing more than to go home and get some rest. You crowded his mind even in his sleep, but he needed to get some rest and figure himself out.
He wasn’t able to resist you anymore, that he was sure of.
-----
You hadn’t been on many dates before, but it didn’t take much to understand that the one with Markus shouldn’t have even been considered a date. He had charmed you, brought you out to dinner just to get you in his bed, and even fussed when you had made it clear that you didn’t want to see him again.
You were frustrated, to say the least.
You had gotten just a few hours of sleep before having to head in for work, finding the mansion empty, no sign of Jonathan. No call from him was received, when you worked, he had shown no interest in you for the entire day.
Your cousin Laila also seemed to be missing in action: she hadn’t picked up your calls and ignored all your texts. You were pretty sure she had kept her phone off for the day.
The first sound inside the house was unexpected, it almost scared you. It was the front door closing, the sound of footsteps following soon after. You put on a smile, glancing up from your computer to see a tired-looking Jonathan entering the living area.
“Good evening, Mr. Toews,”
“Hi,” he mumbled, pushing himself towards the kitchen to grab a glass and an expensive bottle of wine.
“Can I help you with anything, sir?”
He had to hold himself back from sighing, shaking his head as he poured himself a glass. “Didn’t you have that date, last night?” Was all he asked after a while, twisting his wrist and watching the velvety liquid move around the glass.
“I did,” you sighed. “How was your day, sir?”
“I don’t want to talk about my day,” was all he said, voice stern as he sat next to you on the couch, more than curious to hear about the guy you had gone out with. “Tell me about the date,”
You held back a shocked look, letting your eyes find his for a second. “I-I don’t want to bother you, sir,”
“You’re not bothering me, sweetheart,” the pet name had you weak, your heart beating out of your chest as you struggled to breathe properly. “And please, call me Jon,”
The smile on his lips was enough to send shivers down your spine, a breathy sigh leaving your lips as you shut your laptop. The fact that Jonathan, your own boss, cared to even listen to you ranting about your date made him even hotter, from your point of view. He seemed to be the only one that wanted to hear about it, which spurred you on to actually talk to him about it.
“Well, he brought me out to dinner at this new Indian place, downtown,” you started, fidgeting with your fingers as you let your eyes stay on your lap. “He made us split the check-”
“Hang on-” he mumbled out, his hand finding your knee to stop you. “He split the check?!”
“Yeah,” was all you could whisper, gulping as you looked at his hand on your leg. With your last ounce of courage, you let your eyes focus on his.
“Tell me he at least paid for his shit,” he said, taking a sip of his drink as his hand slowly moved higher.
The shake of your head was enough to get him to groan. “He got the most expensive dish out of the menu and just split the check at the end,”
“That’s bullshit,” he scoffed, sending you a glance. “Hope you went home after that,”
You kept your mouth shut, your silence being enough to make him realize that you had done the opposite. “Y/N-”
Your name sounded so good, coming from his lips, it had you burning for him. Coming back to your senses, you kept explaining your side of the story. “Well, he mentioned going back to his place, and I needed to relieve some stress, Jon,”
“So you fucked,” he tried to keep his bitterness at bait by chugging down part of his wine. “You don’t look too relaxed, though,”
Everything seemed to spill out of you so quickly after that, especially under his gaze that left you more than submissive for him. “There was no foreplay,”
Jon rolled his eyes, hiding a cocky smirk when he realized he was more than correct, the night when you had revealed that you were going on the date: the guy didn’t know how to satisfy you.
“And, you know-” you mumbled, suddenly shy. “I wasn’t- I didn’t-”
“You didn’t cum,” he chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief as his hand slid up even more on your thigh. “It was pretty obvious,”
You looked at him, your body on fire as you tried not to concentrate too much on how his hand felt on your leg, or how much you needed him. “You know, you look cute when you get shy,” he mumbled, smirking as his thumb drew shapes on the tender skin right before your inner thigh, teasing you just right. “You’re so innocent, you don’t even know what you do to me,”
Your head rolled against the back of the couch as you bit back a moan, his eyes holding yours strictly as he let his hand inch closer to your center. “Did he have you so riled up for him?”
You breathed out a sigh, relishing in his touch as his fingers ghosted over the spot you needed him the most. He stopped, though, snapping you out of your lust-induced trance by pulling you over his lap. You were breathing harshly, your hands on his muscled chest as your noses brushed against each other. “Answer my question,” he grumbled, his hands rough on your thighs. “Did he make you feel the way that I make you feel?”
“No,”
“Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop,” he said, voice firm as his eyes stared deep into yours.
You finally seemed to be back to your senses partially, realizing just then how wrong everything was. But it felt so good, you needed release and Jon seemed to be the one willing to help you with that. As if it wasn’t enough, all the teasing he had done on you seemed to resurface, and it made you more than eager to let him have you.
What was happening, suddenly, didn’t feel wrong anymore. “I want it,”
That was all it took for him to let his lips meet yours in a hungry kiss, your hands subconsciously moving towards his hair, gripping it gently. His mouth ate all your moans, giving him the opportunity to slide his tongue in, leaving you even more at his mercy.
The smell of his cologne had you in a frenzy, kissing him until you were short of breath just to have him press open-mouthed kisses on your neck while you pulled apart for air. His lips were back on yours before you knew it, playing you like the finest violin as the warmth in your chest spread lower.
When his hands found your waist, pulling you even closer and helping you grind on his growing bulge, your mind started working again. It reminded you it was wrong, that Jon was just your boss and your relationship had to be strictly professional. Caving in had already been a big mistake, not stopping would have surpassed every possible line.
You scrambled away from him, pushing yourself off of his lap in a rush, feeling extremely guilty. “Y/N, come back-”
You didn’t listen to his pleas, grabbing your coat before heading out the door, your heart beating out of your chest.
You had fucked up.
-
You had almost considered calling in sick just to avoid the sight of Jonathan for a little longer. The regret was intense, and you were sure you hadn’t felt anything like that before.
You were essential to his life, though, it was something you had to face. You couldn’t stay home and avoid him, or beat yourself up for what had happened the previous night for months. It had happened, it was unprofessional, but you had to get yourself out of bed and on with your life.
The mansion was silent, when you first entered it. You found your laptop on the couch, on the same spot where you were sitting the previous night, and some of your belongings on the kitchen table.
You left a go-to cup of Jon’s hot coffee on the island, opening your computer to take another look at your boss’ schedule. After morning practice, he had to be headed towards his favorite restaurant to have lunch with his brother, and then, he had a session with his personal trainer later in the afternoon.
Just as you were thinking about the fact that you needed to go pick up a present for his mother’s birthday, you heard two pairs of footsteps coming down the stairs. Jonathan was walking behind a blonde-haired woman, his hair messy as she sported a smile.
The sight of him with another woman had you regretting your previous night's reckless decisions even more. She was pretty, he seemed happy, and you felt dumb. Dumb to even have hoped for a small moment that it might have meant something to him, dumb because you were jealous of her, even though you had been the one to run away, after getting your moment with Jon.
His eyes found yours when he finally stepped foot inside the first floor. You held back a fresh set of tears as you looked back down at the computer screen, biting on your bottom lip as you tried to zone out.
“And that’s the door,” you heard him say quickly. “Y/N, I can-”
“Call me later?” The woman interrupted him, voice as sweet as honey as he opened the door for her, trying to get her out of the house as fast as possible.
“Sure. Bye,” the door was shut loudly behind her, the echo of his footsteps impressing itself into your mind as he made his way inside the kitchen.
“Y/N, I can explain,”
“You have lunch after practice with your brother,” you said, voice monotone as you avoided eye contact with him in every possible way. “Then a session with your personal trainer at five. Want me to schedule you a call with that woman, too?”
“Listen, Y/N, she was here because after last night-”
“Last night was totally unprofessional from both of our sides,” you stated, finally sending him a sharp look. “I’d prefer if the matter won’t be discussed anymore, Jonathan,”
“Y/N-”
“Practice is in five, I’d start leaving the house, if I was you,” you mumbled. “I’ll be out to get your mother her birthday present from you,”
“Fuck, her birthday, yes,” he muttered, grabbing his keys and coat as he settled for leaving the house, knowing just how much he had fucked up. “I thought we could have gone together?”
“Your schedule is pretty packed, but I could see,”
“Please?” He asked, voice soft for the first time. You bit your lip, trying to ignore the tears that were slowly swelling up as you nodded your head. He wanted to talk, it was obvious, and you just couldn’t say no to your boss.
“Thursday afternoon,”
“Thank you,” he sighed out, grabbing his cup of coffee before leaving the house, his mind elsewhere. “I’ll see you later,”
As soon as the door closed behind him, you let the tears fall. As much as you wanted to put up a tough facade, you had been broken, and you felt like your whole world had been dropped. You felt confused, heartbroken, jealous.
You pressed on Laila’s contact, sniffling when she picked up. “Y/N?”
“Oh, Laila,” you sobbed, even surprising yourself. “Why am I so stupid?”
She was confused, to say the least. You hadn’t called her in tears for what felt like ages; hell, work had gotten you so busy you hadn’t called her for months. Everything had come out of your mouth so quickly it had you shocked: you explained to her the teasing, the famous night, and just what had happened minutes prior, tears streaming down your face as if you’d never experienced heartbreak before.
The fact that you even felt heartbroken from your boss, Jonathan Toews, felt unreal. You had pushed your feelings for him aside for so long that you weren’t expecting to feel that hurt over something so small. You were shocking your own self.
“Why am I even crying over him, Lai?” You sniffled, wiping the leftover tears on your cheeks with the back of your hands.
“You clearly have feelings for him, Y/N,”
You closed your mouth shut at her words, shock evident in your voice as you stuttered. “But I barely even know him!”
“I don’t know, Y/N,” Silence came from Laila’s line, a long sigh could only be heard as the two of you stopped talking. “This might sound so cheesy, but listen to your heart, Y/N,”
You sniffled at her words, still unsure of everything going on in your life as your heart still felt quite broken even after venting to your cousin. You needed time to figure things out, time to think.
And time was what you gave yourself.
-----
“Hey, thanks for coming,” Jonathan greeted you softly, his eyes finding yours when you stopped in front of him. “I’m not the greatest at gifts,”
You giggled, shaking your head as you mindlessly let your hand grasp his forearm, sending shivers down his spine. “Of course, Jon,”
“I uh- I got the car out,” he pointed towards his Tesla, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “I know you prefer walking, but I exaggerated at the gym earlier and my legs are pretty sore,”
“It’s fine,” you reassured him, his softness making your heartbeat quicken. “Shall we go?”
As if you had snapped him out of his thoughts, he nodded his head, leading you towards the vehicle and opening the passenger door for you. The car was fancy, but you weren’t expecting anything else from him. He was Jonathan Toews, his wristwatch probably cost more than your old college tuition.
You small talked until you reached your destination, the large mall just out of town that hosted the most expensive stores, the ones you were so used to admiring from the distance. You slipped out of the car on your own, looking at the building with a small ounce of anxiousness as you waited for Jon to reach your side.
“You ready?”
You turned around to face him, nodding your head sharply as you tried not to get lost in his wide smile. “Thought you wanted to stay there and gaze at the mall for the rest of the afternoon,”
“No,” you giggled, starting to walk just when his hand slipped on your lower waist, nudging you. Your heart was fluttering, his touch so gentle against your skin as he helped you towards the door. Why did it feel so good when he touched you? You were supposed to hate him, to be disappointed in him; yet, you couldn’t pull away, keep a safe distance between the two of you. It was as if you were magnets, the attraction too much to actually let go.
Snapping out of your trance, you remembered just why you were there, with him, and what you needed to do. “Uh- have you been thinking about anything?”
“Jewelry,” was all he suggested, his hand dropping back to its place next to his waist when you walked inside the large main hall. “She doesn’t wear it too often, but she secretly loves it,”
“Okay,” you nodded your head. “Any store in mind?”
“There should be one just around the corner,” he mumbled, directing you around the quite empty mall with large strides. He was right, one of the largest jewelry you had ever seen was right in front of your eyes, the prettiest diamonds being exposed right next to rings and earrings.
“Woah,”
“I know,” was all Jonathan mumbled, dragging you along with him inside the store. You had an employee at your side the moment you walked in, her eyes barely even acknowledging you as she started blabbering about the shop and what they sold, entirely focused on your boss.
“We’re here for a gift, but I think we won’t have trouble looking on our own,” Jon politely said, sending the woman a small smile just as he pulled you close to his side by your waist, making you repress a gasp. The woman left soon after, giving you a once-over right before she went back to walking around the store in search of people to help.
You were struggling to breathe when he released your body, his eyes going to the jewels behind the displays as he kept you close. “I’m sorry about that. She was making me uncomfortable,”
“It’s okay,” was all you were able to mumble, following his gaze on a necklace. “Is she one for necklaces?”
“Not really,”
“Maybe earrings?”
“Yeah, she wears those often,” Jon nodded his head, searching for the displayer with the earrings. “I want something she could wear every day, though,”
“Something simple,” you hummed, your eyes raking around the various pairs of earrings. You came across a pair that looked like white gold in the shape of a flower, tempested with small, white diamonds.
You carefully pointed towards them, your fingers catching Jon’s attention. “Those look pretty,” he mumbled as he called over another shop assistant. “Could we get these out? I want to see them closer,”
The pair was in front of your eyes before you knew it, shining under the warm lights of the store. You had to refrain yourself from letting your eyes widen at the price tag, deciding to let them focus on Jonathan’s expression. “What do you think about them?”
“I think they might be too big to be casual,” was all he mumbled, glancing towards the displayer again to search for something else. “I was also thinking about a bracelet, you know?”
“I’ll go take a look at some of those for you,” you whispered, smiling his way before moving towards the other side of the store, where the bracelets were located. The diamonds and pearls were all staring back at you, begging to be bought as you talked lightly with the shopping assistant.
You didn’t even realize you had been stuck on one specific item until the lady helping you caught your attention. “That’s a Cartier,” she smiled your way. “Simple but classy, they’ve been selling pretty quickly,”
“It’s really beautiful,” you whispered, batting your lashes a few times to push yourself out of your daydream before focusing on the rest of the collections. You were pretty sure Jonathan would like the bracelet you picked out: a small, golden chain with a charm that represented family, also stutted with diamonds.
“Found anything interesting?”
You jumped when you heard Jon’s voice from behind you, his palm finding its place on your smaller back again as he stood by your side. “Thoughts on this one? The charm represents family,”
Jonathan was gentle as he lifted up the jewel, looking at it attentively before smiling your way. “I think we found the one,”
With a smile, you went to take a look at the earrings he had chosen, leaving Jonathan on his own in front of the bracelets. “We’re getting that one,” he mumbled to the shopping assistant, pointing towards the present for his mother. “Was she looking at anything else when she was alone?”
“The young woman?”
Jonathan nodded, hoping the employee could help him out in some ways. He had felt the urge to buy you something from the moment he first saw your eyes sparkle at the sight of the jewels. He knew it was wrong, but he felt like he might have needed it someday: maybe as an apology, or maybe as just a present.
“She was looking at this one,” the woman said, nonchalantly taking out of its displayer the Cartier rose gold bracelet you had been gazing at for minutes.
Just the best way to spoil his girl, he thought. “Add it to the rest, please. And don’t use a separate bag for it,”
“Of course, sir,” the woman smiled, leading him towards the checkout. “I’m sure she’ll love it,”
The two of you left the store soon after he swiped his credit card, heading towards the parking lot in silence. Your time together had come to an end, and you felt weird when the thought of missing him even crossed your mind. He had shown you softness, even regret, throughout the afternoon, and you realized you had gotten to know another part of him. The sensitive part, the part that was in some way asking you to give him another chance.
“I know I fucked up the other day,” Jonathan said when he started the car, the flashbacks of him walking the woman out rising back to life inside your brain. “And I know that you don’t want to talk about it anymore, but I owe you an apology,”
You sighed, running a hand through your hair as he kept driving, the city running past your eyes. He was willing to admit his mistakes, but were you going to let him back into your heart?
“Okay,”
He seemed surprised when you answered, but snapped back to reality quickly. “Take a day off, tomorrow,” he said, his eyes finding yours quickly before directing them back to the streets.
“But you have the game, Jon,”
“I want you to come to the game, have some fun,” he said, words authoritative as he kept his eyes trained on the road, your panties dampening just at the tone of his voice. “And then go out for drinks with me after it,”
That was anything but professional, if you thought about it, but was your heart going to stop you? There was nothing holding you back anymore. You took a fast glance at his face, not realizing he had caught you until his eyes met with yours. “Y/N?”
“Okay,”
You suppressed a smile as he drove towards your apartment complex, playing with your fingers in your lap as you tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach. Your usual Friday night was going to take a turn: you weren’t going to watch Jonathan play behind the screen of your TV anymore, and you weren’t going to daydream about him before falling asleep.
Friday night was going to be different, and you knew it.
-----
Friday was calm. The sun was warm on your skin as you read a book on your couch, thankful for a morning off and some time to figure your life out. It had taken you a while to realize just how much you had been ignoring your own mental health, how you really felt, and your day off seemed to be just the perfect way to understand yourself better.
It felt confusing, if you had to be honest. Your heart was more than ready to give itself entirely to Jonathan: to give him your all, to wake up in the morning next to him, to make memories together. Your brain, though, made you feel like it was wrong, almost dirty.
You wanted the two of them to find a solution to all their divergences, to make it easier for you. You couldn’t bear the confusion anymore, staying away from Jon was already hard enough.
Laila’s words replayed themselves in your mind while you took a shower, rinsing the shampoo from your hair. What if you really had feelings for him, though? The way your heartbeat quickened every time he said your name was almost enough to answer your question; the butterflies dancing in your stomach every time you’d feel his touch were so evident you almost laughed at yourself for not realizing it sooner.
The sexual tension, at the same time, was something you clearly couldn’t ignore. You were so sure that it was what it had made you attracted to him in the first place, the warm feeling deep in your stomach, or just the way you were burning for him.
By the time evening rolled around, you felt nervous. You were worried you were dressed correctly for the game, but totally underdressed for drinks; you were worried you were going to make a fool out of yourself, as always, or that you were going to embarrass him.
The doorbell was enough to snap you out of your trance, making you grab your coat and purse in a rush before leaving the apartment building, only to be faced with a black car and a man in a suit. A driver?
“Good evening, Miss Y/L/N,” was all the man said, opening the door for the backseat for you in a quick second. “Mr. Toews wasn’t able to drive you, so I’m here to pick you up,”
“Thank you,” you said, holding back the last remnants of shock in you as you slid inside the car. The lights of the city moved past you as you were driven towards the arena in silence, the city looking busy as red and white jerseys packed the sidewalks.
You felt like you were in a movie. Never in your life had you thought you would have been in the backseat of an expensive car, a driver sent by your boss chaperoning you towards the destination.
“Miss, this is your ticket,”
The car had stopped, and you had realized just then that you had reached the arena, your heart starting to leap out of your chest. “Could I stay here a little more?” You asked, voice small as you hoped for a ‘yes’, suddenly overwhelmed with what was going to happen throughout the night.
“Of course, miss,” the man smiled, almost as if he wanted to reassure you everything was going to be okay, like a guardian angel.
Jonathan wanted to apologize to you, that was what was going to happen, nothing more. What were you even worrying about? Pushing all your worries aside, you grabbed your ticket and thanked the driver, following the mass of people towards the entrance of the arena.
You heard multiple excited conversations about the game, both from Blackhawks fans and from Sabres fans. You felt slightly out of place in the crowd of people dressed in red, already holding beers in their hands as they talked, even chanted their team’s name.
You found out just after getting inside the building that you were reserved a spot with the team’s close family members, a lot calmer than the spots near the rink itself. When you walked inside the room, you were met with who you could only guess were some of the player’s parents, but a group of younger women was by far taking over the room.
They were all sporting the team’s jersey, the players’ last names on their backs never repeating on the other girls’ shirts. You silently took a seat, noticing you had the best view of the rink, from the highest spot of the building.
“Newbie?”
Your head snapped to the side to meet with a girl slightly older than you, a smile on her face as she sat next to you. “What?” You asked, slightly confused at her word.
“I’ve never seen you around here before,” she explained. “I’m Amanda, Kane’s girlfriend,”
“Oh, I’m- I’m Y/N, I work for Toews,”
“Oh, so you are new here,” she giggled, shaking your hand softly. “I’ve heard about you,”
“You did?” You asked, holding back a giggle.
“I’ve heard Jon talk about you many times,” Amanda confessed, your heart fluttering at what she said. Jonathan talked about you? “You know, other girlfriends and I are just sticking together for the game. Do you want to join us?”
The offer was given to you quickly, you weren’t even able to process the fact that Jonathan’s friends knew about you, in some kind of way. You were a total stranger to them, and yet, they knew you, they wanted you to join them. “That would be awesome,” you smiled her way. “Thank you,”
When she went back to the group, you glanced down at your phone, sending Jonathan a quick text before, eventually, joining your new companions.
Good luck, Jon :)
-
“Honestly, I’m so happy they won,” Amanda mumbled, looking over the few people in the hallway right before the changing room to see if the team was going to come out soon. “They really deserved it,”
A few noises of agreement came from the rest of the WAGs, the girls you had joined just a few hours prior. “What are your plans tonight, ladies?”
Most of the girls talked about going home, relaxing with their significant other, and enjoying the night; one of the wives mumbled about leaving for a small trip right after being done at the rink, and somebody else talked about going to a club. When you were asked, your cheeks heated up.
“We’re going out for drinks,” you mumbled, nervously playing with your fingers as most of the girls smiled your way.
“And you’re just working for him? Girl, don’t lie to us,” Becca, another girl, pushed your shoulder jokingly.
“What are you ladies mumbling about?” Patrick walked towards your group, wrapping an arm around Amanda’s waist as she giggled. His eyes found yours in a second, scanning your face as a smirk planted itself on his lips. “You’re Y/N, right? Nice to meet you,”
“Hi,” you smiled, your attention quickly snapping towards someone else when a familiar hand settled itself on your smaller back.
“Hey,” Jon said, propping his bag up his shoulder as he looked down at you. “Good evening, ladies,”
The girls barely even answered, too busy with greeting their husbands and boyfriends and congratulating them to actually acknowledge the captain. “Did you have fun?” He asked, his thumb drawing small circles on your back, your stomach filling with butterflies all over again.
“Of course I did,” you smiled.
“You busy tonight, Jon?” Patrick asked, snapping the two of you out of your trance. “Drinks at mine?”
“We’re going out,” Jonathan stated, looking at his teammate with a smile. “Next time, I promise,”
You still couldn’t contain the giddy feeling whenever he referred to the two of you as ‘we’, it was something that had always made you so smitten.
“It’s fine, man. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Patrick winked, leaving you just enough time to say goodbye to Amanda before the two were off on their own.
“Shall we go?” Jon asked, his eyes focused on yours as the hallway cleared out around you. With a nod of your head, the two of you were headed off towards his car, reaching in just a few minutes a fancy bar.
The lights inside were dim, and it wasn’t the usual kind of bar filled with bodies and loud music. There were tables, just a few of them occupied by people enjoying their drinks in silence as soft jazz music set the vibe. It was cozy, in some kind of way, even if the place was extremely out of your reach.
A table was reserved for you near one of the ample windows facing a rainy Chicago, the warmth inside the room making you breathe out a sigh of relief. “I like this place,” you said, looking around the room with a smile on your face.
“I’ve been coming here for years, now,” Jon admitted, taking a seat in front of you. “I don’t like normal bars too much, they’re too messy,”
“This place represents you, in some way,” you mumbled, your eyes finding his.
“I guess it does,” was all he mumbled before ordering your drinks, voice firm as he talked to the waitress. You were sure he couldn’t see the way she was looking at him, heart-eyed as she scribbled down the drinks as best as she could, it was almost funny.
When she left you to yourselves, silence built between you. You were more than nervous, to say the least, and he seemed to be in his thoughts, in his own world. He clearly was snapped out of his trance when your drinks were slipped in front of you.
“Y/N, I just wanted to apologize for everything,” he spoke, looking at the liquid inside his glass quickly before letting his eyes meet yours. “I never thought things would go like that, I even tried to hold myself back, but I didn’t make it,”
“It’s okay, Jon,” you whispered, playing with the rim of your glass as you tried to find some words to say. “I have to apologize too, what I did was anything but professional,”
“Y/N, it’s not your fault,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked at you. “If it wasn’t for me, things would have been normal, now,”
You stared at him for a moment, his dark eyes holding yours as you tried to not mutter out what you had been thinking about for ages, your body shaking in anticipation as you played with your fingers.
“I don’t want them to be normal, though,” you whispered with your last ounce of courage, shocking your own self as you bit on your lip. He looked at you in silence, making it hard for you to understand what he was feeling. “I wish you knew how I feel whenever you touch me, or when you say my name, Jon,”
There was a beat before he spoke, his voice firm after taking a sip of his drink. “Tell me what you want, Y/N,”
“I want you to make me yours, even if it’s just for one night,” you breathed out, holding eye contact as you said your next words. “Even if it might not work,”
He adjusted himself on his chair, biting on his bottom lip as his pupils dilated, giving you a once over. “Don’t play with fire, sweetheart,”
“Am not,” your voice was coated with lust as his hand traveled up your thigh with anything but hesitance. “You can take me home if you want me, Captain,”
He held your eyes for another moment, downing his whiskey before standing up, dropping a bill on the table. “Stand up,” was all he said, voice dark as he looked down at you. You fell into your submissive character as soon as his voice became authoritative, automatically jumping to your feet and following him out of the bar, the cold rain falling on your face.
The drive was silent, filled with tension as Jonathan went over the speed limit, the streets empty. His hand was on your thigh, too close to your center to even make you think straight. Everything was going too fast, but you didn’t care anymore.
Were the few sips of alcohol making you intoxicated, or was it Jon? Was it the strong scent of his cologne, the touch of his hand on your skin, his dark eyes?
His grip on your thigh tightened when he parked the car inside his garage, his eyes meeting yours for a long moment before he finally leaned in, over the console, and kissed you.
His lips were softer than you could remember, but there wasn’t anything soft about the way he was kissing you, grabbing you to pull you over his lap. You were eager to see where things were going to head, curious to explore more of him, and he was feeling the same way.
As his tongue caressed yours, his hands found their way towards your ass, pushing your center even closer to his growing bulge. You bit his bottom lip to suppress a moan, your hands dropping to his chest to undo his already messy tie.
He pulled away to breathe in some air, his lips ghosting over the skin of your neck as he grazed your throat with his teeth, shivers running down your spine. “Jon-”
“Say my name, sweetheart,” he said, voice dark as he threw his undone tie in the backseat. His hand dipped inside your jeans, tracing over your panties as he kept eye contact. “Tell the world who makes you feel good,”
“Jon-” you moaned again, head thrown back as he grasped your neck to pull you closer again, letting his lips find yours for another heated kiss, his hips bucking up to meet yours.
“Let’s head inside, baby,” was all he grumbled against your lips, hands on your thighs as he opened the car door. You whined, not wanting the moment to end, which made his voice darken even more. “Don’t be a brat. I’m not fucking you in my car on our first time. I’m better than that,”
You had to hold back a moan as he carefully exited the car, holding your body in his arms as he expertly walked towards the elevator, his mouth on yours. You were so lost in him you barely even registered your back hitting his comforter a few minutes later, his body hovering over yours as he wrapped your legs around his waist.
“You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to have you like this,” he grumbled in your ear, breathing heavily as he pushed your shirt over your head, your bra following along. “Under me, at my mercy,”
His words, followed by his lips on your breasts, made the coil inside your stomach tighten. He felt so close, so real. You realized you weren’t on your own, in your room late at night, taking care of all the pent-up tension anymore. Jonathan Toews - the man who had been the center of your world for months, the man who had kept you up at night ever since he had first laid eyes on you - was on top of you, finally giving life to every fantasy of yours, and probably also of his.
His touch wasn’t as soft as it used to be anymore, his hands roughly moving from your sides to the button of your jeans, opening it in a rush as his lips found your skin again. His fingers ghosted over your heat, making you moan out a curse.
“Jon, don’t stop,” you breathed out, his lips kissing their way down to your navel. He was faced with your heat in a second, his hands pushing your underwear down your legs. You had to suppress a whine when the cold air of his room hit your heated core, your walls contracting around nothing as he let the pad of his index finger trace your slit.
“Look at you,” he whispered, licking his lips as he watched you quiver under his mere touch. “So drenched for me,”
He placed kisses on your inner thighs, teasing you just right as you whimpered under his touch, your fingers grasping his hair just when he finally let his mouth find your center. He was eager to learn what ticked you off, what made you feel good, what you needed to come off the edge. He had wanted to know for so long.
Jonathan sucked your clit in his mouth, the strangled moan that left your lips being enough to make his pants tighten even more. His tongue slid down to your entrance, his strong arms holding your waist down when you tried to follow his movements, to get some relief.
“Don’t make me tie you down, sweetheart,” was all he said, voice deep as his eyes bore deep into yours, sending you into a state of submission. When he dipped down again, he kept eye contact, his humming against your heat almost bringing you over the edge.
His tongue was making you feel stars, touching places you didn’t even know could make you feel so weak. He knew what he was doing, and he took pride in it. By the time one of his fingers slid inside of you, you were a moaning mess, everything inside your body screaming at you to let go.
Jon was attentive, keeping his eyes on you to see just how good he was making you feel, just how easily he could work you over the edge. But, just as you were about to give in and let the orgasm take over you, he stopped his movements, his lips kissing their way up your body again.
“Want to take it slow,” he whispered in your ear teasingly, biting your lobe and letting you know you weren’t going to leave the bed anytime soon. His mouth was on yours again, your taste on his lips making you moan.
Your hands were quick at undoing the buttons of his white, neatly ironed, shirt; your fingers didn’t hesitate when they touched the newfound skin of his chest, so warm and soft it made you melt.
His pants were off in a second, thrown in a corner of the room as his lips stayed on yours. You didn’t think you’d be able to separate after the night, after finally giving in and letting yourselves get close.
You were eagerly palming his cock over his boxers, ready to push yourself to your knees and give him what he had been thinking about for months. His hand gripped your wrists tightly just when you were about to push his undergarments down his thighs, your eyes snapping up to his when he shook his head. “Tonight’s about you, sweet girl,” he whispered, letting his free hand card through your already messy hair before giving it a firm tug. “On your hands and knees,”
His authoritative voice had always made you oh so desperate for him, and that time, it wasn’t any different. You were positioned in the middle of the bed as quickly as you could, your ass up in the air as he explored your body with his eyes.
“So pretty for me,” he muttered, discarding his boxers before making his way towards you. His hands found your waist, pulling you closer to him as he leaned down to kiss your spine. “Beg for it, baby girl,”
“Please, Jon-” you whined, burying your face in his pillows, completely at his mercy. “Please, fuck me,”
The chuckle that left his body was enough to make you clench around air again, the shameless moan that exited your mouth getting muffled by the soft material of his pillows. “So desperate,” he unexpectedly slid his length inside of you, the stretch making chills run down your spine as a string of curses left his lips.
“Fuck- so tight for me, sweetheart,” he breathed out, his hips stuttering for a quick second before he started to thrust into you, the sound of his hips smacking against your ass harshly filling the room.
His thrusts were quick, his skin slapping against yours rhythmically as you moaned loudly. One of his hands gripped your hair, pulling your head away from his pillows, the sting of his pulling sending pleasure to your clit.
“I want to hear every single moan,” he grumbled in your ear, his punishing pace sending you into subspace as your high neared again, your legs struggling to keep the rest of your body up. He could feel your walls constricting around him, making his own pleasure even more evident as he tried to keep his cool.
Your moans became louder again when you started to tip over the edge, but you were denied your orgasm again when Jon pulled his cock out of you, gently handling you around.
You found yourself on your back, legs spread for him as he tapped his cock against your overstimulated entrance, a smirk on his face as he entered you again. “Want you to look at me when I make you cum, sweetheart,”
His words had you whimpering, your eyes closing as he moved inside of you, the new angle making you feel even better. His hand slipped down your body, reaching your clit and teasing it as he kept his bruising pace.
“Jon- Jon I’m going to cum,” you breathed out, your legs wrapping around his middle as they slightly shook, holding him closer to you.
“Look at me,” he said, his fingers on your clit speeding up. “I said, look at me, Y/N,”
You let your eyes meet his as your orgasm made your body shake, a shout of his name leaving your mouth as your walls convulsed around his cock. You were breathing harshly as he helped you ride your high, his hips snapping quickly against yours as he held back groans.
He pulled out quickly, coming all over your stomach with a loud groan as you tried to gain back your breathing, your eyes struggling to stay open. The room sat in silence as he left the bed, only to come back a few minutes later to clean you up.
He took care of the cum on your stomach, gently cleaning it with a wet towel before going back to his position between your thighs. “You did so good for me, tonight,” he whispered, hushing your whines when the towel touched your sensitive skin. “Such a good girl,”
“I probably should go,” you mumbled sleepily, trying to push yourself out of his bed only to be interrupted by his voice.
“Stay the night, Y/N. Please,”
“Jon-”
“Please,” he repeated, taking a seat next to your laying body on his bed. His eyes were scanning your face for any kind of discomfort as he let his hand card through your hair, the moment of softness making butterflies erupt in your stomach.
As you looked up at him, you found yourself realizing just where you were, just where you were laying. Your eyes really met his bedroom for the first time at that moment, noticing every single small piece of him that was resting inside the place that he found most personal, the place he barely let people in.
He was sharing it with you, the part of him that most people barely even knew.
He slid with you under the covers, pulling your body close to his as his eyes found yours. He pushed a strand of stray hair away from your face, his other hand drawing shapes on your smaller back.
“What are we doing, Jon?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart,” he whispered, his hand cupping your cheek as he sighed out. Silence settled between you as you tried to figure out what was happening between the two of you, if your relationship had changed, but his voice filled the room again. “You know, I was in need of release after you ran away, that night,” he mumbled, his fingers toying with the ends of your curls. “There wasn’t a moment where I wasn’t thinking about you, when I was with that girl. It was a mistake-”
“Jon, please, stop it,” you whispered, looking up at him with a small smile. “I accept your apology,”
Your words seemed to put him at peace, at least for the night, and he pulled you even closer. “Get some rest, we’ll talk in the morning,” he whispered, tenderly kissing the top of your head as you cuddled on his side. Your body was tired, but your heart was beating quickly against your ribcage at how your night had ended.
Not only did you have the best sex of your life with the man you had been wishing for ever since day one, but you also found yourself cuddling by his side, his warm body pressed against yours. The question that left your lips was slurred by sleep, but you needed to know, you needed to know if it wasn’t going to end just so soon.
“Will you be there when I wake up?”
There was a beat after you said your words, his hand carding your hair one more time as he smiled.
“Of course I will,”
-
“Good morning,”
The whispered greeting had you slowly waking up, the warmth of Jon’s body close to yours making you breathe out a sigh of fondness. “Hey,”
“How did you sleep?” the man beside you asked, voice still sleepy as he played with your bed hair. You had to repress a giggle at his question, hiding your face in his chest as you mumbled out your answer.
“Like a baby,”
He chuckled, wrapping an arm around you as the other held his phone, his eyes focused on the screen. “Plans for the day?”
“You have to meet up with your coach this afternoon,” you said, your fingers drawing shapes on his naked chest. “What time is it?”
“Nine,”
“Jon, you’re late to practice,” you scolded him with a sigh, rolling your eyes when he shrugged.
“Everybody needs a day off,” he said, making a chuckle leave your mouth. “I’ll go grab us breakfast, don’t fall back asleep without me,”
A peck was placed on your lips as Jon left the bed, your body missing his warmth after just a few seconds of being apart. You looked at the ceiling as you took in the events of the previous night, well-accustomed to the butterflies in your stomach.
You had to refrain yourself from clenching your legs at the flashbacks from the late-night activities, instead biting on your bottom lip as you remembered just how good it felt to be touched by Jonathan.
His hands on your skin, his mouth on your body, his eyes locked with yours.
You weren’t ready to leave him, though. You weren’t ready to forget about the night the two of you had spent together, to name it ‘just a one-night stand’. You wanted to wake up every morning next to him, to scold him when he was late, to spend endless nights talking about your lives after some good sex, and to be his. That was what you wanted.
You settled on getting ready as best as you could, taking a quick shower and throwing on his discarded button-up from the previous night, his cologne invading your nostrils as soon as the expensive material slid over your skin.
You heard the front door shutting after you had just made yourself comfortable in the kitchen, your laptop opened in front of your eyes as Jonathan put the coffees on the table. “Got bagels. Is it okay?”
“More than okay,” you smiled, your eyes meeting his as you took a sip from your cup. “I hope me taking a quick shower wasn’t a problem,”
“Not at all,” he smiled, seemingly noticing your outfit just then, as he leaned against the kitchen counter while he took a bite of his food. His eyes roamed your figure for a long while, your cheeks becoming quite heated as you kept your gaze on your computer screen. “You look good in my clothes,”
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t find my clothes from last night,” you whispered, biting on your lip as you avoided his eye contact.
“That shirt looks better on you anyway,” he mumbled, wrapping his arms around your waist as he peeked at your laptop. “What do you have to do, today?”
“Just picking up some clothes at the dry and clean,” you mumbled, taking a bite out of your bagel. “Oh, I also need to pick up some packages,”
“I’ll come with you,” he mumbled, letting his hands squeeze your waist quickly before going back to stand against the kitchen counter. Your heart was beating against your ribcage as you tried to act unbothered, one of your hands running through your hair.
“You have other stuff to do, Jon,” you sighed, turning around to face him.
“Don’t care,” he smirked, his thumb and index finger grabbing your chin to make you look up at him. His lips ghosted over yours teasingly as you struggled to breathe, the warmth in your stomach invading your entire body. “The world can wait a little more,”
-----
Huffing as you walked around the halls of the United Center, you were trying to hold all your stress under control. It was a stressful day for Jon and you, probably the most stressful day the two of you had ever had, and things had been going okay.
Well, they had been going okay until Jonathan was nowhere to be seen after morning practice, your busy schedule being put on hold as you scanned through every room inside the building anxiously.
He had a meeting, a very important one, in fact. Coaches, PR teams and the most important people of the Blackhawks were all finding themselves in one room to discuss important business, and the captain just couldn’t be late.
His coach had mumbled something about him being extremely distracted during the previous weeks, his head going elsewhere whenever it was possible, and it didn’t take a while for you to realize it was because of you.
It had been a few weeks ever since the night, and you were confused, to say the least. You felt as if you had gone back in time, when all the two of you could share was teasing touches, deep eye contact, and sexual tension. Why were you two playing hard to get?
The large doors of the dressing room snapped you out of your thoughts, your heart hammering against your chest as you wondered whether it was a good idea or not to actually search for him inside. It probably was an invasion of privacy, right?
You almost squealed in fear when the doors opened, revealing one of Jon’s teammates, a beaten-up look on his face as his eyes met yours. “Can I help you?”
“I, uh- is Jonathan in there?” You asked nervously, sighing in relief when the younger guy nodded his head absentmindedly. “Thank you,”
He muttered something under his breath as he walked away, leaving you to open the doors to the changing room in silence. You were faced with emptiness, just the faint sounds of shuffling entering your ears as you looked around the room.
“Jonathan?”
“Ah, just who I wanted to see,”
His face sported a smirk when he walked towards the main hall of the room, dressed in only one of his extremely tight thermal shirts and a pair of boxers. He was hot, and he knew it; hell, he even took pride in it, you were sure.
“Missed you, sweetheart,” he mumbled, his arms wrapping around your waist to pull you close to his body. You seemed to snap back to your thoughts - too busy admiring his Adonis-like body - just then, looking up at him with a stern look.
“Jonathan, you’ve got a meeting to attend,” you said, pushing against his chest to get him away from you. “And you’re so fucking late for it,”
“You’re hot when you’re pissed off,” he mumbled, dipping his head to your shoulder to press a line of kisses over your blouse, his fingers playing with the hem of your skirt. “Everyone was looking at your ass, sweetheart. Did you know that?”
You closed your eyes as his kisses trailed up your neck, reaching your sweet spot in just a few seconds. You felt in heaven, so deeply pushed into a lust-filled trance by just his mouth as you forgot what was happening outside, what you needed to do. “Had to kick all their asses to get their eyes off of you,”
His possessiveness was sending jolts to your core, his touch so teasing yet so pleasurable as he pressed another coat of kisses down your neck. His hands slid to your ass as he let his body drop down on one of the benches, your legs straddling his waist.
“Jonathan, the meeting starts in ten minutes and you don’t even have a suit on,” you scolded him as best as you could, his fingers undoing the first few buttons of your shirt.
“Just enough time to fuck you,” he whispered against your lips, his mouth on yours a second later as his hands were already pushing your underwear to the side to tease your drenched center. “So wet for me this early in the morning, baby girl?”
You let out a shaky moan as his thumb played with your clit, the pleasure too strong to pull yourself away from him. “We’ve got to be quick, Jon,” Your hands dropped to his bulge, pushing his boxers out of the way as he aligned his cock with your entrance, ignoring your sentence.
“So needy for me,” he muttered, his cock sliding against your walls smoothly as you moaned out his name, your hands tightly gripping his shoulders. To say you were a little surprised to have sex with him for the second time inside the United Center’s dressing room was an understatement, but everything felt just too good to make it end.
“Here we go, sweetheart,” he whispered, nipping on your earlobe as his hands helped you rock your hips against his, a sharp moan leaving your lips at the stretch. A few groans left his mouth when you picked up the pace, one of his hands dropping to your clit as he relished in the pleasure.
“Jon-” you moaned, your head lulling back as he kissed your neck, his teeth leaving a love bite on your skin. He knew it was something he shouldn’t have done, that marking was for kids, but he wanted the world to know you were his, even if he didn’t have the balls to make you his.
He seemed to be pushed in a trance as you speeded up even more, trying to chase your high and bring him to his as quickly as possible, time clicking. “I’m gonna cum,” you whispered, hiding your face in the crook of his neck as the pleasure became too much.
“Cum for me, sweetheart,” he spoke, voice sweet as he let his lips find yours again. “Milk my cock, baby,”
Your eyes locked with his as you came, mouth opened in a silent moan as your cunt clenched around his length, bringing him unbelievably close to his orgasm. You kept moving on top of him as best as you could, your sensitive pussy making you whine.
“I gotta cum, sweetheart,” he groaned in your ear, subtly telling you he needed to pull out. Your cheeks, as heated as they already were, seemed to burn even more as you whispered your next words, hiding your face from him.
“I’m on the pill,”
“Fuck- shit-” he muttered under his breath, the thought of being able to cum inside of you sending him over the edge, his abs clenching as he released against your walls. You caught your breaths together, his forehead leaning against yours after he pecked your lips gently.
Your eyes dropped to your watch, noticing you had just a few minutes before the start of the meeting, another curse leaving your lips. “Jon, you better get yourself ready,” you said, pulling yourself away from his body to fix yourself up.
You were hoping it wasn’t too evident that you had just fucked with your boss inside the dressing rooms as you made your way towards the doors, ready to leave.
“Y/N?”
You turned around to face Jonathan, who was messily trying to put on the tailored suit you loved on him. “What?”
There was a beat of silence as he pulled on his slacks, sending you a quick look. “The team is hosting this gala, next weekend,” he mumbled, cheeks rosy as he avoided your eye contact. “I was wondering if you wanted to come along?”
“Are you asking me out, Jon?” You giggled, biting on your bottom lip.
“I’m trying to,” he huffed. “You obviously don’t have to, if you-”
“Yes,”
“What?”
“Yes, I’ll be your date,” you giggled, tugging him close to you by the collar of his shirt to kiss him, your body relaxing against his. When you pulled back, a smile was resting on his lips, your heart beating out of your chest. “Now, get ready. There’s a meeting we have to be at,”
-----
You were so fucked.
The Cartier bracelet was on your wrist, shining under the lights of your apartment as you touched up your makeup, stomach churning nervously. You had come home to a couple of boxes on your bed, well-known names printed on top of them, and you were shocked, to say the least.
The material of your dress - a classy, black cocktail dress - was soft against your skin, and you were trying to refrain yourself from looking it up and check the price tag. The bracelet had been your breaking point, your eyes tearing up at the sight of the rose gold accessory you had found yourself admiring more than a month prior.
It felt strange to get spoiled by someone, you were going to be honest.
You heard the faint knock just as you were slipping on a dark pair of stilettos, your lips pulling into a smile as you opened the door, your eyes falling onto your date. He seemed speechless as he gave your body a once-over, his eyes softening at your smile.
“You look stunning, sweetheart,” he said, voice gentle as he tried to tear his eyes off of you. His hand slipped into yours, pushing it up to his lips to leave a lingering kiss on your skin, his eyes finding just later the bracelet he had given you.
“Thank you, Jon,” you whispered, cheeks heating up at his comment. He was looking better than ever in his all-black suit, matching your outfit perfectly, and it was hard for you to keep the butterflies in your stomach at bait.
“We should head out, I know you hate being late,” Jon mumbled, his eyes still not leaving you as you locked the front door behind yourself, his body close to yours. He led you out of the building with a gentle arm around your waist, nothing but warmth filling your chest as he helped you inside the car.
You were in silence as the driver moved the car around the city, directed towards the venue, Jon’s hand staying firmly on your thigh. You had so much on your mind, so much keeping you in your thoughts, and Jon seemed to notice.
“What’s happening in that pretty head of yours, darling?” He whispered, the palm on your thigh moving to grasp your hand.
“You- you bought me all this stuff and-”
“This is my way of saying thank you,” he whispered, smiling your way as the car came to a halt. “I actually bought the Cartier when we were shopping for my mom’s presents,”
Your eyebrows scrunched as you chuckled, giving him a shocked look as he helped you out of the vehicle. “Really?”
“Yeah,”
“You never told me if your mother liked the gifts,” you whispered as the two of you walked inside the venue, your arms linked together as people smiled your way.
“She did,” he stated, greeting one of his teammates with a nod of his head. “She loved the bracelet more than I thought she would,”
You smiled proudly, waving excitedly towards Amanda when her eyes caught yours. “God, Y/N, you look so beautiful tonight!” She squealed, pulling you in a hug as Patrick and Jon talked, her hands gentle on your skin as she took a good look at you.
You thanked her shyly, leaning against Jon’s side as your attention was pushed towards the center of the room, where they were announcing the start of the gala. You were introduced to various people throughout the night - shaking hands, hugging wives and girlfriends, even waving to some little kids - and you felt quite tired when you found yourself in the middle of a makeshift dance floor, your arms wrapped around Jonathan’s neck.
He seemed to be in his thoughts, his touch warm on your skin as the two of you messily swayed to the music, your eyes closing. “What are you thinking about, Jon?”
“It’s complicated, sweetheart,” he whispered, sighing when your head found its place on his shoulder.
“Tell me about it, I’m willing to listen,”
He chuckled, his thumb drawing shapes on your back as he tried to find the words, the courage, to tell you he was in love with you. He hadn’t felt like that in ages, so whipped for someone, so willing to give them the world, if they asked. It felt scary, he had never fallen in love that quickly for anyone before, but something in him told him you weren’t a mistake. You were the one.
“I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” he mumbled, pressing a small kiss to your shoulder. “And I truly can’t get you out of my mind, in any way I try. You’re my constant thought, no matter where I am or who I am with.
“I wake up every morning, and the first person I see is you. When I come home, you’re there to ask about my day, always smiling,” your body stopped swaying as you listened to his words, the world surrounding you stopping as you focused on the moment. “You’re who I want to see every moment of the day, you’re who I want to wake up next to, and who I want to gift flowers to on Valentine’s day.
“You’re who I want to vent to, and who I want to spend lazy afternoons with. I’ve made mistakes, Y/N, and you’ve always been there to help me through it, to accept my apologies,”
“Jon-” tears were coating your eyes as you realized where he was heading, your heart fluttering.
“I love you, Y/N,” he whispered, his hands cupping your cheeks as his eyes stared deeply into yours, softness in his voice. “I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you, and it’s scary,”
“I love you, too, Jonathan,” you whispered, your forehead resting against his as you bit your lip. “So much,”
He didn’t seem to care that you were in the middle of a room filled with people, his eyes were gentle as he leaned in, his lips finding yours in a kiss you had never experienced before, so full of passion and love.
He pulled you closer to his body as he kissed you again, his gentle hand keeping your face close to his by the jaw as he showed you all his love in just one kiss. When you pulled apart, you didn’t care about the people staring at you and him, or the hushed whispers that they were sharing. You just leaned your forehead against his again, catching your breaths in silence as a giggle erupted from your mouth.
“Be mine, baby,” he whispered, smiling down at you. “My one and only,”
“I’m yours, Jon,”
Taglist: @thirstyybitch @bellaguarneri @boqvistsbabe @trashforbarzal @captaindaddies @keithseabrook27
#jonathan toews#jonathan toews x reader#nhl#nhl x reader#chicago blackhawks#hockey imagine#jonathan toews imagine
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Part 3 of the disowning fic where Sirius calls Reg and Remus tells James (with Sirius’ permission ofc) and when Walburga calls Reg, he rips into her like never before. James rushing to Sirius’ house and basically having to be restrained from going to her house with Reg in tow.
Hopefully that makes sense. Sorry it’s probably really badly phrased
This makes a ton of sense--thank you for sending it in! Writing Regulus is such a neat challenge, since he and Sirius are so similar and yet so different. Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!
Part 1 II Part 2
TW for disownment and past child abuse (mentioned)
If Sirius ever met the person that invented showers, he would kiss them on the mouth. With tongue, if requested.
His phone hummed on the coffee table; when he made no move to grab it, Remus reached over and flipped the screen up. “Reg is on the way.”
Sirius hummed and cuddled into his chest, tightening his hold on his waist. Gentle fingers combed through his damp hair and he was warm all over in the best way. His face and eyes still itched a little, and his throat was raw from crying so hard, but at least he finally felt clean. The ache in his gut had dulled.
Remus pressed his lips to the space just above Sirius’ ear and wrapped his arms around him, tracing patterns on his upper back beneath his shirt. The skin-to-skin contact was something he never knew he needed so much—he couldn’t imagine living without it now. “We should go on vacation sometime this summer,” he mused, absently braiding a few locks of Sirius’ hair.
“Where?”
“I dunno. Somewhere warm, where we can swim and you can get all sexy and tan.”
Sirius laughed against his chest and breathed in the honey-lavender smell of his soap. “As long as you promise to freckle.”
He could feel Remus smiling. “I’ll do my best. It wouldn’t have to be a long trip, either—maybe a week in Florida, or California.”
“Alabama?” Sirius teased.
“Honey.” Remus kissed his forehead. “If you take me to Alabama—” Another kiss. “—I will take the biggest spider I can find—” A third kiss, so sweet in comparison to his playful threat. “—and put it in your shoe.”
Sirius snorted. “Just divorce me, that would be nicer.”
“Mmm, no, you’d miss me too much.”
“Put a spider in my shoe and we’ll see if that’s true.” Remus’ shoulders shook under him as they laughed and Sirius kissed his collarbone, then closed his eyes. “Do we have time for a nap before Reg gets here?”
“Maybe. How fast does he drive?”
“Not as fast as Pots—”
The doorbell rang, and then kept ringing; someone knocked insistently on the door, and Sirius groaned as he untangled his limbs from Remus and wandered over.
Regulus was not alone on the porch.
“What’s her phone number?” James demanded, practically smoking with fury as he and Regulus stormed into the house. He let out a furious breath when he saw the open envelope on the kitchen counter.
Sirius raised an eyebrow at his little brother. “Did you call him?”
“Of course I called him,” Regulus scoffed. “We also called Logan.”
“Isn’t he in Canada for the rest of the week?”
“Yeah, but he said he’d be here on Friday.” Regulus gave him a quick once-over and a stormy look came over his face. “When did she drop those off?”
“She didn’t. The mailman did, just after five.” Something bitter tinged Sirius’ mouth. “That was after she tried to make Remus give them to me.”
“What a bitch.”
“Reg!”
“It’s true,” Regulus snapped, though his anger was clearly directed elsewhere. “She’s a horrible coward and you deserve better.”
James held his phone up to get Sirius’ attention. “What’s her number?”
“I’m not giving you her phone number, J.”
“Reg, what’s her number?”
Regulus bit his lip for a second, then shook his head. “She won’t know who you are, and she would sue your ass faster than you could blink if you lost your temper on her. Me, on the other hand…”
Sirius put his hand over Regulus’ phone. “Don’t do this. If she disowns you, too—”
“If she disowns me I’ll throw a fucking party!” Regulus all but shouted. The room went silent. “I am sick and tired of hiding and watching them hurt you. She doesn’t control me anymore.”
“I’m not letting you get hurt for me.”
“And I’m not asking for you permission.” Regulus stepped back and dialed a number; in the kitchen doorway, Remus and James watched them in a mix of shock and concern.
The call connected and Regulus’ whole face went stony. “What is it, Regulus?” a tinny voice asked.
“Is it true?”
“Is what true?” Walburga sniffed. “Please, Regulus, we’ve discussed this. You have to clarify your intentions—”
“Did you disown my brother?”
“He’s not your brother anymore.” Disdain dripped from her voice and Sirius’ throat constricted as cold fire lit in Regulus’ eyes.
“He’s more family to me than you ever were.” His tone was even and deadly.
“Don’t be ridiculous—”
“Shut up.” A protective urge jolted in Sirius’ gut and he almost smacked the phone out of Regulus’ hand. “Just shut up.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You’re a coward and a liar, and I hate you.” A fine tremor slipped through and Regulus gritted his teeth. Remus touched Sirius’ elbow gently, and he gripped his hand tight.
“Listen here, you silly boy—”
“You don’t get to hurt him anymore. Sirius is a better person that you could ever dream of being and the fact that you can’t accept when your own son is happy—”
“He disgraced us—”
“You disgraced us!” Regulus snapped. “You and your rules, your blood money, your parenting that belonged more in a prison than a house! I’m not stupid, Mother, I know what you did was wrong!”
There were a few beats of silence. “I did what I did to prepare you for the real world.”
“The real world doesn’t give a ten-year-old a black eye for breaking a plate.”
Sirius closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as Remus inhaled sharply next to him; James cursed under his breath. The plate had been one of his grandmother’s, part of a twelve-piece set that they were using for Thanksgiving. One flipped corner on the rug had sent him flying, but the porcelain shard in his hand had hurt less than Walburga’s fury.
She was breathing hard on the other end of the line. “The world is a cruel place, Regulus.”
“No crueler than you.”
“Watch your mouth, you ungrateful child, or you’ll find yourself in the same shoes as that stain on our family tree.”
A flinty look came over Regulus then; if Sirius didn’t know better, he’d say he looked almost smug. “Do it. I dare you to look the media in the eye and tell them you disowned one son for being happy and the other for calling you out on your terrible parenting.”
“We disowned him for being a failure and a disgrace.”
Grey met grey as Regulus spoke next, his gaze never flickering from Sirius’ eyes. “Happily married to the love of his life, youngest captain in the league, with two Stanley Cups under his belt? Doesn’t sound like a failure to me, and far from a disgrace.”
Remus squeezed his hand as Sirius swallowed back a few tears that had started to gather. He offered a weak smile and the corners of Regulus’ eyes crinkled slightly.
“I’m hanging up the phone now,” he said, smooth and collected. Walburga was utterly silent. “Never contact me or my brother again. If you disown me, at least have the dignity to do it in person.”
He hung up and slid his phone into his back pocket. “Jesus,” James half-laughed behind them. “Remind me never to get on your bad side.”
“That was really brave, and really stupid.” Sirius said as he walked forward. Regulus met him in the middle, tucking his head under Sirius’ chin in a tight hug. “Thank you.”
“Brave and stupid, huh? I’m turning into you already.”
Sirius flicked his ear with a grin, but never loosened his hold. “Brat.”
“Love you.”
He closed his eyes and felt Regulus’ heartbeat through his palm. “Love you, too.”
“Will you at least give me her address so I can egg her house?” James asked once they separated, already moving to give Sirius another hug. He melted into it; James had the incredible ability to make him feel completely and utterly safe, like the world couldn’t touch him as long as he was there.
“As amazing as that would be, I’d rather not see you arrested.”
“Fair point.” He pulled back a bit and James searched his face. A wrinkle appeared between his brows. “How can I help?”
“This is nice.” Exhaustion made Sirius’ limbs heavy and his head was starting to throb from his earlier breakdown. James pulled him back in and two more sets of arms followed, forming a shield all around him. He felt Remus kiss his cheek and Regulus’ hand splay over his ribs; James was steady, an anchor in the storm. “How am I going to tell people about this?”
“You don’t have to,” Remus murmured.
“If I don’t, she will.”
“Then tell them the truth,” Regulus said. “Maybe not everything, but the relevant parts.”
“We’ll be here with you.” James’ voice was soft. “Us, and the rest of the team. Anything you need.”
Sirius didn’t say anything, but he did sink into the warmth of their embrace and let the weight of fear and unease lift off his shoulders. The burden wasn’t his alone; it never had been.
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holidays with tom [tom holland]
PAIRING: tom holland x female!reader
SUMMARY: life isn’t exactly back to normal. with another lockdown in place and the holiday season is vastly approaching, you and tom are stuck in quarantine with each other the problem? there was supposed to be at least 5 of you in that house and tom is the last person you want to be with. shouldn’t be too bad right?
WARNINGS: in no particular order swearing—err foul language lmao, sexual innuendos, things get heated but not that much??? exuding sexual tension but also fluff??? alcohol consumption, a series of bad decisions??? idk writing this made me experience the 5 stages of grief tbh lmao it’s not that bad I promise lmao
WORD COUNT: 6.9k!
A/N: hello and happy new year! I was supposed to post this during Christmas Day but guess who got into a writing rut—yet again. I didn’t want to abandon this because I actually had fun writing it. I hope you all had a festive and safe holiday. I know things have been hard but I still hope you guys enjoyed the holiday.
2020 has finally came to an end and we’re all ending it the same way when the pandemic started—staying at home, hopefully following the appropriate health measures. I can only hope that 2021 is a brighter and hopeful year for all of us.
stay safe, sending u all my love.
gif credits: @underoos-shield
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Two hours. It’s been two hours since you found out that you were going to spend your holidays alone. You were aware that you weren’t going to spend your holidays with your family as you normally would, embracing the fact that working in a different country whilst in the middle of a pandemic was going to be challenging.
Working in the film industry, constantly visiting sets while still living in a pandemic means that you threw away your chances of being home for the holidays. However, you weren’t entirely the only one who shares a similar struggle.
“We should still do something for Christmas, you know,” Tom muttered as he watched you lay down on the sofa, your head is supported by the armrest.
See—it should’ve been you, Ophelia, Alex, William, and Tom in that AirBnB, not just you and Tom.
The five of you reside abroad, however, you all had to fly to Los Angeles for work. You all collectively knew that it would be irresponsible to fly home for the holidays and it wouldn’t make any sense as you would all fly back for work anyway.
The five of you had a brilliant idea of renting an AirBnB for the holidays since you were all in each other’s personal and work bubble anyway. Obviously, the three of them bailed as they’ve decided to stay with their partners instead, leaving you and Tom alone—which is the last thing you’ve wanted.
“There’s just us two, Tom,” You replied as you sent a lengthy text to Ophelia, telling and reminding them about what happened between you and Tom. “I’m not entirely sure if it’s worth anything if we did plan on doing something remotely festive.”
There are four more days till Christmas and if you were being honest, the last time you felt festive was on the 18th of December...of 2019.
“Surely there’s something we can do, right?” Tom’s optimism still shined beneath him. “This year has already been shitty enough, we don’t need to feed more into that.”
The three dots bubble immediately popped up on your message thread with Ophelia as soon as you sent your passive-aggressive rant. Your focus was now on your phone.
Suddenly, Tom’s face appeared on top of yours—his face was definitely close enough that it’s not CDC approved. He was standing on side of the sofa, both of his palms planted against the armrest as he loomed over you.
“What do you and your family do during Christmas?” He dared to ask as if he wasn’t towering over you.
Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “Uh—give each other personal space?” You answered out of sheer reflex. You always had a problem with keeping your mouth shut, especially when it sounds rude to other people. In your defence, being unable to do so has helped you put people back in place.
To be fair, you were used to people standing at least 6 ft away from you ever since the pandemic started.
Tom’s cheeks went bright red. “’m sorry,” He apologized, giving you a shy smile and scratched the back of his neck. You muttered a quick apology too, for acting so rashly.
You rose from your position and sat upright instead. “Well, we never do anything special during Christmas,” You said as you threw your hair into a bun. “We usually just go to the movies on Christmas Day because that’s the only thing you can do back when life was normal.”
Tom nodded understandingly as if he was taking this into account. Now you were curious.
“Do you guys do anything special for Christmas?” You asked him.
“Well, on Christmas Day, we would usually just lounge around the house and use it as a chance for me and my family to catch up,” Tom replied. “However, on Christmas Eve, my mum always made sure my brothers and I would have this scavenger hunt to look for our gifts—It’s really fun, actually.” Tom smiled sadly.
You could easily see how Tom was genuinely broken about not being able to be around his family over the holidays. Heck—he really just misses his family. But who wouldn’t? Britney Spears didn’t sing the line “my loneliness is killing me” for nothing.
“I’m sorry,” was all you could say. Aside from biting your tongue, being able to easily comfort people was one of your weaknesses too.
“Oh, there’s nothing to be sorry about, darling.” Tom quickly dismissed the genuine heartbreak he was trying to hide. “We’re all making sacrifices and we chose to be responsible for the benefit of other people.”
“Yeah, I know.” You said softly. “We’ll just try our best to make something out of this holiday season. I mean—we have to or else we’ll welcome 2021 with a fresh face of misery.”
“I’m sorry!” Ophelia pouted at the screen as they mindlessly walked around their partner’s place, something that most people do when they’re on the phone with someone. “I genuinely forgot about what happened between you and Tom.”
“Well, Ollie, it seems like you weren’t the only one.” You replied, adjusting your glasses. Tom seems to be genuinely fine around you, no awkward tensions or anything. If anything, it’s just you who feels weird around him. “But I guess that’s a good thing right?”
Ophelia forced a smile but they couldn’t, for the life of them, say anything about it.
“Oh my god,” You sighed “Seriously, Ollie?”
“It’s just—how could he forget?! You were literally on top of him as I recall and that very much left a permanent image on my mind. I—You know, I really tried my best to forget that ever existing in my mind. So really, if anything, it’s your fault.” Ophelia rambled on.
“I—I wasn’t on top of him. That’s absurd! I was merely pressed against him” You said defensively, in which Ophelia just laughed atrociously. “Why am I friends with you again?!” You asked rhetorically, bewildered by the fact that you two lasted this long.
“First of all, that is a hate crime. Second, I’m cool—like everyone wants to be my friend and you should be glad that I gave you the privilege to be even on a nickname basis as me.”
You rolled your eyes at them. Despite the never-ending banter, you were grateful to have Ophelia as your friend.
“But seriously, Y/N,” Ophelia said, “You can always just stay with me and Ericka. She’ll be glad to have you over for the holidays.”
“Ollie, as much as I love spending time with you two—I can’t stand being a third-wheel, especially when it comes to the both of you. You two are inseparable when you’re together.” You replied. “I appreciate the offer though.” You smiled at her.
“I’m just saying—” Ophelia replied, shrugging her shoulder. “Unless you and Tom really want to have the house by yourselves.” They sang teasingly.
“Ophelia!” You gasped.
“What?” They feigned innocence. “I gave you an option to stay with us! Plus, I know Alex and Will are would’ve asked you to stay with them if they had any idea what happened between you two.”
“I can’t leave him!” You started to whisper “Tom seems genuinely bummed being here. I can’t just do that to him.”
It’s as if a light came on inside them. Ophelia started to smirk and you recognized that smirk from anywhere. For christ’s sake, their eyes twinkled like Christmas lights. It drove you nuts. “I fucking knew it.”
“What?”
“You like him don’t you?!” They teased, but all you could do was blush.
“I do not!” You denied it as you could still feel the burning heat emitting from your cheeks.
“His tongue is that good huh?” Ophelia decided to pry even further. They clearly find enjoyment as you squirmed your way out of this conversation.
“Bitch, I am ending this call.” That was all you could say. Even if you did find a smart retort, it was no use, especially with Ophelia. They can see right through you and there’s no point in trying to hide it.
“Honestly, Y/N, we’re living through a pandemic. If there’s any time to make any rash decisions, it’s now. Go get that dick, bih—”
You drowned out whatever Ophelia was trying to say with your goodbyes and proceeded to end the call. The one time you asked your friend to be serious and they come up with this.
So—what really happened with you and Tom?
It was two years ago. You were at a party that you didn’t even plan on attending. However, you were dragged by Ophelia and their partner, Ericka—your new friends in the area. You couldn’t say no to them, they were your first friend in LA!
You thought about it though, saying no. But when you got a message from your friend back in Canada sending a photo of your boyfriend ex-boyfriend (the same guy who had ghosted you ever since you moved to LA), swapping spits with another girl, you suddenly had the strong urge to drink until you die of alcohol poisoning.
You were burning with anger that you really felt tears pricking your eyes. You were so close to crying or punching someone—whichever comes first.
One thing’s for sure, though, you weren’t going to cry over a man. So what did you do? “Ophelia, where’s the booze?!” You asked your friend whose eyes nearly popped out of their head.
Well, you weren’t really going to punch a stranger. Though you felt this burning sense of violence, it’d be much more satisfying to punch the living daylights out on your ex.
“Y/N, honey, are you alright?” That line always puts on the waterworks, no? Ophelia was clearly concerned about your newfound thirst for alcohol.
You furiously wiped the tears off your face. “Um just found out my boyfriend—er ex-boyfriend, who stopped talking to me as soon as I moved here, is seeing someone else now? I don’t know, am I allowed to feel angry when I don’t even know if we’re still together as soon I moved? Fuck—” You tried to explain as you wiped every tear that left your eyes.
“Oh—of course, hon.” Ericka who handed you a drink. You weren’t exactly sure what it is, but you knew it has alcohol in it and that’s all that matters. You gulped the entire thing and you wanted more. “Y/N, you need to slow down.”
“Are you sure you want to stay? I mean we can crash at our place, eat take-outs, watch movies and be totally disconnected from the world.” Ophelia suggested, but you shook your head furiously.
“No, I—I’m ok.” You answered “I can’t let the both of you be stuck in misery with me. I need this. I’ll get drunk and if I'm up for it, I’ll hook up with someone. It’s not a healthy coping method but I really want this night to be a series of bad decisions. I don’t want to be myself, even just tonight.”
So that’s what you did. You were going from one drink to another in record time. Both Ophelia and Ericka kept an eye on you, just in case someone tried to take advantage of your drunken state.
You were talking to some guy you met in the kitchen, one thing led to another and next thing you knew, you were making out with this dude in someone’s bathroom. Ophelia and Ericka were drunk enough to pester the guy you were making out with but not drunk
As you were propped on top of the sink and your legs wrapped around his waist, you felt every bit of his lips explore the side of your neck as his hands explored every inch of your body. With his hand under your shirt and his fingers tracing every part of your skin, it just reminded you of how lonely you were.
Here you were, a thousand miles away from home, all alone just so you could do the one thing you really love. Your family would sometimes call to check up on you but it just wasn’t the same. Your ex tried to guilt you into staying in Canada, but you couldn’t do that. You love what you do and you love yourself too.
You were willing to risk everything, even if happiness came at a price.
Now you were crying, and the guy you were making out with definitely noticed.
“I’m sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?” He asked as he pulled down your shirt.
“No—no, I’m just—” You tried to calm yourself down. “I’m not sure if I want to do this anymore.”
“That’s alright,” He mumbled wiping the tears off your face. “Do you want to talk about it? You seem rattled.”
“It’s just I’m so tired of pretending everything is alright—that I’m okay being alone, that I don’t need anyone. But it’s just so hard because I’m—” You sobbed “I’m so fucking lonely. I’m so tired of being alone.”
The guy tucked the stray piece of hair behind your ears as he carefully wiped your tears with his thumb. He was just silent as he listened to you sob.
“I’m sorry, I know you definitely didn’t come to this party to watch a complete stranger cry over something stupid.” You couldn’t even look him in the eye, you were embarrassed as this was the first time you felt really vulnerable—especially in front of a stranger.
“No, you’re alright.” He tried to console you “I think that’s the beauty in strangers, no? You can act and do whatever you want in front of them because there’s a slim chance you’ll ever see them again.”
You were definitely drunk enough that trying to make sense of who the person was a struggle enough of itself. You tried your best to look at the guy but your vision was getting hazy and you could feel your head thumping that focusing made you feel like you want to crack your head in half.
A loud knock on the door caused you two to jump. “I’m coming in,” Ophelia yelled and opened the door. Ophelia looked at the guy for a while, trying to make sense of who he was before their eyes widened. “I remember now—You’re Tom Holland.”
Imagine your surprise when you found out that you were going to work with Tom Holland for a while. You tried your best to avoid Tom at work but of course, that didn’t work out. He never brought up what happened between you two and you assumed he probably forgot all about it.
You tried to rationalize that he meets a lot of people every day. Surely, one failed hook-up wasn’t worth remembering (especially with alcohol involved) and you held on to that.
At least that’s what makes you sleep at night and also one of the reasons why you considered spending the holidays with him. However, you were also expecting your crew friends to stay with you and not just Tom.
“Y/N, did you like the gift? It’s from me and Ericka!” Ophelia asked. It was the next day and you two were just chatting on FaceTime. You were sorting out your closet out of sheer boredom. You figured if you were going to stay here for three weeks, the least you could do was sort your clothes out.
You stared at the neatly wrapped box that Ophelia and Ericka dropped off earlier this morning. “I haven’t opened it yet.” You said as you showed them the box. “I wanna open it till Christmas.”
“Oh my god, just open it. Christmas doesn’t exist this year, babe.” Ophelia waved their hand, encouraging you to open it.
“Fine,” You gave in. You opened the box and saw a very lush and well-made lingerie set. “Ophelia, what the fuck” You gasped. You held out the lingerie in front of the camera.
“Y/N, I definitely outdid myself this time.” Ophelia sighed happily, staring at the screen. “Try it on!”
“Ollie, this is gorgeous but when am I ever going to use this?” You asked holding it out on your body and looking at the mirror.
“Uh—you’re stuck at home with your failed but also potential hookup,” Ollie suggested, wiggling their eyebrows. “Who knows what might happen?”
You rolled your eyes at them. “Bold of you assume that something might happen.”
“Something won’t happen if you don’t try that one,” Ophelia said. “C’mon, I wanna see.”
You shook your head and went out of frame in order to strip off your clothes. You tried on the lingerie—it’s a black lace teddy with a very exposing back. IT fit you perfectly—it accentuated your figure and definitely showed off your boobs. You weren’t really fond of showing off your body but you still tried your best to show it to your friend.
“What do you think?” You asked, stepping back to the frame.
“You look gorgeous, babe!” Ophelia squealed. “I knew I made the right choice with black.”
“I still don’t know where I should wear this though—” You were stopped mid-sentence when your door swung open.
“I know what we’re doing this—Oh shit. I’m so sorry,” Tom stood there, frozen, his eyes widened and immediately shut the door.
You couldn’t even say anything. You were frozen in shock.
“Was that Tom?” Ophelia asked from the call, briefly forgetting that you were talking to them through FaceTime.
You nodded slowly, unable to talk.
“What did he think?” Ophelia asked excitedly.
You snapped out of this haze. “Ollie,” you groaned. “I think he was mentally scarred.
“What do you mean scarred? You look great!” Ophelia said, appalled. “If he doesn’t think you look banging in that lingerie then it’s his loss.”
“I gotta go, I need to change.” You said, bidding Ophelia goodbye. “Thanks for the gift, Ollie. Tell Ericka thanks too.”
You ended the call and changed into comfier clothes. You couldn’t help but wonder how on earth you’re going to face Tom now that he’s seen you practically naked. Well, it’s not like that’s a new sight. He did see you with your bra on when you were making out in the bathroom that one time. But still!
Are you actually going to spend your Christmas in your room?
It was the next day and there are only two more days till Christmas. You spent the entirety of last night in your room after the incident between you and Tom.
You were about to make yourself some coffee when you found Tom in the kitchen, making tea for himself. You stood there frozen, wondering if you were going to proceed to the kitchen or just run back to your room since Tom hasn’t noticed you—
“Oh—good morning, Y/N.” So close.
You smiled at Tom and said, “Good morning, Tom.”
You grabbed a coffee pod and waited for the Keurig to make your coffee. You leaned back against the counter and fiddled with your phone—all in the hopes that things move quickly and for this awkward tension to be over.
Honestly, why were you so worked up about it? People have seen you in a bikini before and that’s no different from lingerie. If anything, lingerie is itchier and has lace. You should be able to feel confident in your own body and you shouldn’t have to mind what other people think of it. It’s yours alone and it’s your opinion that should matter—
“I’m terribly sorry about last night, Y/N.” Tom apologized, sincerity was written all over his face. “I should’ve knocked and I just got so bloody excited about what we can do over Christmas—but that’s no excuse for what I’ve done. What I did was incredibly intrusive and you deserve a proper apology.”
“Tom, I—”
“I wanted to apologize last night—over dinner—but you didn’t come down to eat, so I figured you didn’t want to talk. “ He rambled on.
“Tom—”
“But even then I should’ve asked you to come down and eat dinner because that’s what any decent human would do! And yet I didn’t. God—I’m just doing one wrong thing after another—”
“Tom, listen to me.”
“Hm?” He finally snapped out and looked at you in the eyes.
“It’s okay. It was an honest mistake and you sincerely apologized, and for me, that’s enough.” You smiled softly at him. “So—what’s this thing you planned over Christmas?”
“I was thinking we could do both our family traditions over the next two days. My family and I usually do a roast dinner and open our Christmas stockings on Christmas Eve. Then on the 25th, we can watch movies all day just like you do with your family.” Tom grinned, clearly satisfied with his plan. “What do you think?”
“I think it’s a great idea,” You smiled “However, I don’t think we have any ingredients for a roast dinner and we don’t really have Christmas stockings. Well—I don’t have any Christmas stockings and stocking stuffers.”
“That’s true,” Tom mumbled “But I have to do the food shopping anyway. We’re running low on food and I couldn't really book one of those online delivery things that most groceries now offer.”
You nodded. “Okay, so I guess I have to get the house sorted then.”
When you two first arrived in this AirBnB a few days ago, it had already been decorated for Christmas. It had a massive tree in the living room decorated with stunning and intricately-themed ornaments. Christmas garlands were wrapped around the stair-bannisters and foliages were placed by the fireplace and the tables.
All you really had to do was clean the place—do a bit of vacuuming and get things nice and neat for Christmas. It didn’t take you too long to do it too. It had only been a couple of minutes since Tom left to do the food shopping and you prayed to the gods that he doesn’t get too much attention whilst out.
You figured you might as well do some last-minute shopping while Tom was out, so you can grab gifts for him as well. After all, this whole thing was orchestrated by Tom and you don’t even have anything to give him for his stockings.
You arrived at your AirBnB a tad later than Tom. He was in the kitchen putting things away when he saw you walk through the door.
“Ah, I was wondering whether I spooked you with my plan,” Tom commented, making you chuckle and roll your eyes.
“Trust me, I would’ve made it very obvious if you did.” You replied, earning a laugh from Tom. “I went out to do my last-minute shopping. Granted, it’s not ideal since we’re still living through a pandemic, but there’s not actually that many people where I went to considering it’s the Christmas rush.”
You made sure to hide the stuff you bought using the handmade tote bags that a friend gave you for your birthday. No retail bags, no clue. “How did you survive the groceries? I bet it’s busy out there.”
“Yeah, it was.” Tom chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “Remind me to never do that again for Christmas.”
“Sure,” You said, “That is if I spend another Christmas with you.” You said jokingly, hoping that Tom didn’t find that rude.
“You’ll never know,” Tom shrugged. “What if you liked our Christmas this year and you’d be begging to spend Christmas with me and my family in London,” Tom smirked, playing along.
“Yeah, right.” You scoffed playfully, crossing your arms. “If anyone’s begging, it’s going to be you.”
Tom stepped closer, “Wanna bet?” He whispered, a teasing look in his eyes. “Whoever has the most fun during our respective holiday traditions would have to spend the holidays with them next year.”
“Oh, you’re on, Holland.” You took a step closer. “We will both film our holidays for the entire two days and then we’ll ask Ophelia, Alex, and Will to vote whoever looks like they had the most fun.”
“Okay,” Tom nodded “But no editing! We’ll give them raw footage so there are no chances of tampering.”
You laughed but you agreed anyway. “Of course, we’ll give them hours of footage. The least we could do is make them sit through hours of content after they ditched us all alone on the holidays.”
Tom gave a broad smile. “Let the festivities begin.”
It was the 24th of December—Christmas Eve. You spent the entirety of last night wrapping Tom’s presents for later. Not that you despise Christmas, but it’s been a while since you were actually excited to celebrate it. It was pretty clear that the magic of Christmas dies once you grow up.
Today was different; you were looking forward to whatever Tom has installed for tonight.
You went downstairs to make some breakfast only to be greeted by Tom blasting Christmas music and preparing some ingredients for breakfast in the kitchen.
“Good morning, Y/N, happy Christmas Eve,” Tom greeted with a huge grin. “Say, hi to the camera.”
“Oh, we’re starting this early, huh?” You asked, putting your hair into a loose ponytail.
“Why of course, we have to make the best out of this,” Tom said, holding the camera to your face. “I made you coffee.” Tom handed you a cup of coffee.
“Are you using my love for coffee as an advantage?” You tried to hide your smile while drinking your coffee.
“Obviously not,” Tom feigned his innocence. “I obviously did not know you were obsessed with coffee—it’s not like I don’t see you on set without one.” He mumbled in which you definitely heard, giving him a smack on the head. “Ow! I’m kidding.” He laughed.
You rolled your eyes at him. “So, what’s for breakfast?”
“We’re going to make french crèpes,” Tom replied and propped the camera on the kitchen island, facing the two of you.
“Do you know how to make french crèpes?” You asked, washing your hands.
Tom blinked, almost trying to decide whether he wants to be honest or impressive. “Do you know how to make french crèpes?” He returned the question.
“Oh honey, my mom resents me in the kitchen.” You replied, taking a sip from your coffee. “But you know, I manage.” You murmured.
“That’s giving me a lot of hope, darling, thank you.” He said half-heartedly.
“Shut up,” You nudged him playfully, rolling your eyes. “Tom, honestly, most of the footage is just us bantering for 20 minutes.”
“To be fair, that’s part of the fun.” Tom smiled. “Okay, I think you just mix all of these in a bowl. Start with the dry ingredients first.” He said, looking at the recipe on his phone.
“Okay, that shouldn’t be too hard,” You commented pouring the ingredients into the bowl. As you started all of the ingredients together, you noticed small lumps forming in the batter. “Tom, did you sift the dry ingredients by chance?”
“You were supposed to sift it?” He asked, completely clueless.
You nodded slowly. Panic was now clearly painted on his face. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.” You tried to reassure him.
It was not fine. The first time you two tried to pour the batter in the pan, you burnt the entire thing. It’s not even the cute, lightly burnt crepe. It was activating the smoke alarm-burnt crepe.
The next one was pancake-like. The next one after that had pocket flours on the crepes because you two didn’t sift your dry ingredients beforehand. You ran out of the batter when you two finally got the consistency right—you managed to get one proper crepe from the entire batter.
“I feel like Sam would probably curse me out as soon as he finds out I fucked up a simple crepe,” Tom said, delicately filling the crepe with creme and berries. “My brother’s done so well in culinary school.” He cut a piece with his fork and brought it to your mouth.
“Well, you can’t have everything.” You said taking a bite out of the crepe. “This is better than the last one.”
Tom nodded, taking a bite of it himself. “It’s not as tasty as Sam’s but I’ll take it.”
“Now, I’m curious as to what your brother’s cooking tastes like.” You commented taking another bite from the crepe.
“I guess I’ll just take you home to London to find out,” Tom teased with an annoying grin.
“As long as I’m being fed, I’m fine with it.” You remarked. What in god’s name are you are you two playing?!
The day rolled by very quickly. It was already evening when you finished wrapping the presents for your friends. You plan on dropping it off tomorrow before you persuade Tom to glue yourselves on the couch for the entire day.
You grabbed all of Tom’s gifts—Christmas stocking included— when you went downstairs, only to be greeted by someone yelling at Tom through his phone.
“I did everything right, Sam. I don’t know why you’re yelling.” Tom yelled back at his phone. His back was turned against you as he was putting away the pots and pans that he used.
You quietly walked up behind him and said calmly, “Why are you yelling?”
Tom probably jumped six feet away from you, making you laugh. You always forget that he gets scared easily. “Holy shit, don’t scare me like that, Y/N.” Tom breathed out, putting a hand over his chest.
“I’m sorry,” You said whilst laughing. “I promise I won’t do it again.” Tom rolled his eyes, murmuring something about you being insincere about it.
“Please do it again!” You heard, whom you assume is Sam, say from the background. You looked at Tom’s phone that’s propped on the island and saw his brothers on FaceTime.
You beamed at them. “Any recommendations?” You asked, hearing Tom groan behind you.
“Well, he hates—”
“This is the last thing I want in 2020, for my brothers and Y/N to conspire against me,” Tom said loudly on purpose, drowning his brothers' voices.
“Tom, don’t be rude. Let your brothers finish—” Tom put his hand against your mouth.
“I’ll call you guys later,” Tom said “Wave goodbye, Y/N.” He used his free hand to grab your hand and forced a wave towards his brothers. The call soon came to an end and you could only roll your eyes at Tom. You seem to do that a lot around him. You also do a lot of that when you try to hide your feelings towards a person you like but that’s beside the point.
“So are we going to have dinner first or are we going to do presents first?” You asked fixing your Christmas sweater, a gift from your parents since you and your family usually wear matching sweaters for Christmas. “Or are you the type to wait until Christmas Day to open presents?”
“We can do the Christmas stockings after dinner tonight, then do the presents tomorrow, if you’d like,” Tom answered with his arms crossed.
You shrugged, telling him it doesn’t matter since you don’t really go all out on Christmas. Your family on the other hand—the house is always full of people, especially since most of your extended family are usually around during the holidays. You had this ongoing game you made for yourself whether or not you’ll be able to greet everyone with the number of people in the house.
You could only guess how quiet your family’s Christmas is going to be. You definitely needed to call your parents later.
“Is the sweater that itchy, Y/N?” You heard Tom ask, breaking away from your thoughts.
“Huh?” You asked, confused. You didn’t even notice that you’ve been scratching yourself subconsciously.
“You’ve been scratching yourself since I saw you.” Tom said, chuckling. “It’s a cute sweater on you.”
You smirked. “That reminds me—I got something for you, Tom.” Tom raised his brow as you grabbed the bag you stashed behind the tree. “Actually my parents got this for you. A little thank you gift apparently for having the tolerance to stay with me over the holidays—as if you had a choice.” You mumbled the last part.
Tom curiously opened the bag and there revealed a matching sweater such as yours. This year’s sweater was green and had red tinsel all over it, probably the reason why you’re itchy. The real kicker is that—
“No way,” Tom gasped “It lights up?!” He asked laughing. It lights up.
“Yeah, I don’t recommend turning that on. I did it earlier and I’m pretty sure I was about to combust—it’s a real fire hazard.” You replied, enjoying the genuine joy that Tom is showing on his face.
“Oh but we have to turn the lights on when we take pictures,” He commented as he put on the sweater. “Thanks, Y/N.” He said softly, surprising you with a hug.
It’s the first real physical contact that you two had ever since that night when you made out and you were pretty adamant that people were just making up this notion of having butterflies in their stomach—they weren’t.
Tom’s roast dinner went surprisingly well. You kept teasing him that it’s Sam that you had to thank because you knew that Tom wouldn’t last in the kitchen without his brother’s instructions. Tom pouted the whole time. You eventually had to tell him
“It was sweet.” You told him as you helped him clear out the plates.
Tom was confused.
“I don’t think I’ve known someone that went through hell and back just to make a great effort Christmas dinner —even if it means getting yelled at by your brother.” You said, smiling softly at him. “I mean it’s just us two, really. We don’t even have to do this.”
“Think that’s the reason why I wanted to do it,” Tom replied. Now you’re confused. “It’s because it’s the two of us—that’s why I wanted to do it.”
As soon as you heard those words come out of Tom’s lips, you tried your best to stay calm. To say that you weren’t overwhelmed with emotions would be a huge lie. For someone who couldn’t hold their tongue, you were speechless. Tom’s giving you a run for your money and you weren’t exactly thrilled about it.
After dinner, you and Tom opened your stocking presents. The presents were pretty tame at the start—you both got each other socks, which was hilarious but greatly appreciated. You love socks, especially comfy and cushiony ones. You came to learn that Tom does too, which prompted you two to wear the socks immediately.
You got him candy canes, he got you chocolates. You also snuck in those small, in-flight alcohol bottles in there too—which he ended up loving. He got you those 10-pack skincare face masks, in which you let out a huge gasp, making him laugh.
“Oh, we have to use this at some point!” You exclaimed happily “Like, we need to have a spa night—where we just watch movies, doing face masks, eating takeouts. Oh, that’s the dream!” You sighed happily.
“We still have two weeks left till we go back to work, I'm sure we can find the time to do that,” Tom said with a permanent smile on his face, watching you with pure joy made him feel like he accomplished something big.
You got him one of those Instax polaroid cameras—true, it was a bit too much for a stocking stuffer especially since the box definitely stood out against the stocking, but you figured he’ll like it.
“Darling, this is too much but I’m thankful,” Tom commented as he took out the camera from the box. “I can’t wait to use this and keep memories using it—why don’t we start right now?! Let’s take a photo of us and our matching sweaters!”
Tom took a lot of photos of you two, in the end. A couple of overexposed photos, one with the matching sweaters, one with your faces pressed against each other, one with your faces way too close to the camera, and one where he gave you a kiss on your cheek (he asked if that’s okay, of course, you said yes. it’s not like he hasn’t kissed you before— still no conversations about that, by the way). It was a good thing you got him at least 3 boxes of those 20 pack films in his stockings as well.
The real kicker was Tom’s “small” stocking present for you. He got you this dainty, gold necklace with a crescent moon charm. You were pretty sure it was expensive because of the teal box it came with.
“Stop,” You gasped “Tom, now this—this is too much.” You stressed out. “I can’t have this. Nope, you have to return this.”
Tom shrugged as if it was nothing. “You deserve it. Darling, you deserve something nice after this shitty year.”
“Tom, I’m serious. This is too much.”
“I’m serious too, Y/N. Keep it, please. I’d be offended if you don’t.”
After the roller coaster of emotions due to the stocking presents, you gave your parents a call to wish them a merry Christmas. They insisted to do a video call because they wanted to see Tom in the family sweater—which your mom wouldn’t stop gushing about.
“I think your mum loves me,” Tom whispered closely in your ear. He didn't have to try too hard. With the laptop propped up on top of the coffee table, you two were sitting close together on the living room floor—knees touching, maximum close skin contact. CDC would never approve.
“Yeah, I think it’s the accent,” You mumbled jokingly.
Tom moved his head to take a good look at you, smiling. You could feel his eyes burning your skin. Why does he have to look at you like that? Why does he have to be this close?
The initial video call with your parents turned into a whole family reunion when you found out they set up a group call with your extended family. Imagine the dread and fear in your eyes when you heard your one aunt ask,
“Finally, Y/N, is that your boyfriend?”
Your eyes widened as you stuttered to say your defence, making Tom chuckle. You frowned at him and nudged him saying, “Don’t laugh, tell them no or I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“No, unfortunately, I’m not,” Tom replied, laughing. “However, I do believe we make a cute couple, don’t we?” He teased, earning an earnest yes from your mom.
You could only wish for the floor to swallow you whole.
As the clocks rolled to twelve, it was officially Christmas. You and Tom figured you might as well start opening gifts again because Christmas Day is going to be a drag for the two of you.
“Okay, start with this.” You said as you handed him a gift bag. You didn’t give him a lot of gifts for the actual Christmas Day because you went all out on the stuffers.
“Pyjamas?” He asked with a grin. You made a signal for him to give you a minute. You ran to your room and changed into pyjamas.
“Not just pyjamas, Tom, but matching pyjamas!” You exclaimed, laughing. “I saw it and figured we should do this for my day.”
“Sick!” Tom laughed. Tom got into his pair of pyjamas as well and of course, he didn’t forget to pull out his new polaroid camera to take a photo of you two. “Shit, I forgot to film our entire Christmas Eve.” He said as he saw the camera that was still sitting on the kitchen island from earlier that morning.
You shrugged. “I’m pretty sure you’ll win either way. Just that content from the breakfast crepes was enough to secure your place.” You said jokingly.
“All I’m hearing is that you’re going to spend Christmas with me in London next year.” Tom sang teasingly.
“Yeah, maybe bringing you to our big Christmas holidays is a bad idea.” You wondered out loud.
“I like your family,” Tom commented with a smile “and I think they will love having me there for the holidays.”
“That would be a nightmare.” You mumbled to yourself.
The rest of the night dragged on. You and Tom finished the rest of your gifts—you got him a watch, he got you a vinyl player. You two managed to watch the first Harry Potter film before you called it a night.
You were about to head into your room when you heard Tom say, “Mistletoe.”
“Hm?” You hummed, confused. He placed a finger under your chin and gently tilted your head. There you saw a mistletoe hanging by one of the light fixtures.
“How did that even—”
“Can I kiss you?” Tom asked, cupping the sides of your face.
“Hm?” Tom was definitely giving you a run for your money. How can a girl with a speech turn speechless?
“Can I kiss you?” He asked more softly. All you could do was nod. For if you even dare to open your mouth, all of this would cease to exist.
His lips gently touched yours and then soon moulded into one. It was soft, sweet—familiar. His lips were something you never thought about—at least not a lot but you craved it. You crave his lips, his touch, him. You were riding a new high and you thanked every single god that you were sober to remember this—because this, this is something you want to cherish.
“You told me you’re tired of being alone,” Tom whispered against your lips. “You don’t have to be anymore. Not when you have me, not ever.”
PERMANENT TAGLIST: @quaksonhehe @dark-infernal-instruments @trustfundparker @emsma11 @tomshufflepuff @spider-babe @goodgirlgonetom
#tom holland#tom holland imagine#tom holland x fem#tom holland x reader#tom holland fanfiction#tom holland fluff#tom holland fic#tom holland blurb#tom holland and reader#tom holland and you#tom holland angst#tom holland imagines#tom holland x y/n#tom holland au#tom holland and y/n#tom holland x you#the girl writes i guess#txmhoellandwrites
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All Over Again - Chapter 3
Summary: What was lost can be found.
Warning: 18+ Smut, Language, Violence.
Ch. 2
* * * * * *
Breathing heavily, you run your hand along the rifle, watching as it glows red. You then peek around the corner, calculating your next moves, and counting the number of enemies ahead.
The new plan of action quickly falls to pieces when a dash of red goes by from the corner of your eye. Natasha leaps over the desk she used for cover, intent on charging the guy ahead of her, not paying attention to the other guy emerging from the shadows of the hallways to her left.
You take off, pushing yourself over the desk, and tackling Natasha behind yet another one just as shots are fired from both men.
She quirks an eyebrow, smirking just a little,“ got my back like always huh Y/Ln.”
Resisting the urge to curse, you just punch the ground beside her in frustration. Pushing yourself up and shooting focused, power imbued, bullets at the last two guys.
Natasha sighs and follows after you as you head further into the building.
Of course after that incredible day spent in NC, you come back to find out Bucky is no longer available for your mission, so Steve assigns Natasha. Maintaining your professionalism, you didn’t make any complaints. . . out loud. So now you’re in Canada with the woman.
“Data retrieved, prepare for extraction.” You speak into the coms, pocketing the drive.
Tense filled silence surrounds yourself and Natasha as you head to the extraction point. She’s mentally facepalming herself for screwing up. As if she wasn’t already on your bad side, now you’re annoyed with her for making a mistake.
When the jet doors open, you let her in first, and she heads to the front of the ship with Steve. You opt to sit at the back. No longer needing to be off radar, you pull your phone out, an onslaught of messages coming in.
Hey Y/n! - Wan
Before you go off radar, can you tell me what I’m supposed to wear tonight? - Wan
You chuckle and shake your head, quickly telling her hi and to wear something formal. Then going to the other messages you have. All from Miss Luthor.
Hi - Lena
Y/n hi, again. I realized you’re probably doing super important Avenging. Lmk when you get this. - Lena
You reply with a message received, a subconscious smile on your face. Seeing as you didn’t expect it or know why it’s there, you can’t fight it.
Great. I was wondering when you’d be free to come back to NC. - Lena
Aside from debriefing and your plans tonight with Wanda, you aren’t sure what you have to do. But you also know you can’t just get up and go to NC. As much as you wish you could. So you tell her you’ll let her know and she quickly sends back a smile and thumbs up.
When the jet lands you’re the first off of it and heading to the meeting room for debriefing. Steve meets you and Natasha there with the mission files.
“How did it go?” He asks, eyeing you and the redhead.
The woman stiffens beside you, ready to open her mouth to say something when you speak,“ just as planned Cap.” You slide the drive across the table.“ We collected the data without any injuries.”
After explaining a few more things in detail Steve ends the debriefing, taking the drive and walking out. You’re just about to follow when Natasha speaks up.
“Why didn’t you tell him about my mess up?”
You sigh,“ because if I had we would’ve been here a lot longer. You know you fucked up, train harder, don’t do it again.”
Natasha pushes herself up and comes to stand beside you,“ I know I don’t have a right but I’m begging you to at least act like you still care.”
“It’s not that I don’t. In fact the problem is that I care too much.” You turn to face her,“ there are times where I still want you. I care about you like you’re still mine. And I feel like shit because you deserve every bit of love that Bruce gives you and more, without my silent dislike of it.”
The redhead reaches up, resting a hand on your arm,“ and you deserve love too.”
You step away from her touch.“ Look, Natasha, I’m sorry I’ve been acting cold toward you. But you have to understand how hard this is for me.”
“I know.” She nods. Your relationship was a strong one, could’ve been stronger had she been honest with you. Having that end out of the blue sucked.“ But I don’t know how to make this easier for you. I want us to be friends.”
Friends?
Friends.
The idea isn’t the worst thing ever. But being friends means hanging out. Which will most definitely include Bruce. You don’t really have anything against the man. He didn’t do anything. And quite frankly, you wouldn’t mind having Natasha back in your life, in a good way.
You just aren’t sure if you’re ready for that at this particular point in time.
“I can’t say I won’t ever be ready for that, just not now.”
Natasha refrains from placing her hand on your arm again,“ you will tell me when you are right?”
For the first time in years, you smile at Natasha and the woman can’t help but smile as well,“ I can. Or we can just hang out, they say actions speak louder than words right?”
All that being said, you nod to her, and leave out. Heading towards your room.
“Y/n!”
Your gaze snaps up from the floor to find Wanda.
The young woman stands at her door, a black knee length dress fitting to her form nicely, and her curled hair pulled into a ponytail.
“Wan!” Going over to her, you take her hand in yours.“ You look great.”
A light blush hits her cheeks and she smiles down at the ground,“ thank you.” She chuckles softly then looks back up.
“Give me a minute to clean up and we can go.” You tell her as you take a few backwards steps down the hall.“ Wait for me in the commons yeah?”
She nods and you disappear into your room.
After a shower you get dressed and do your hair, making sure you have everything you need before leaving out.
Meeting up with Wanda, you tell everyone you’ll see them later, and you both leave.
“So,” Wanda speaks up as you slide into the driver's seat,“ I never had a chance to ask: how did your trip to National City go?”
A smile forms on your lips at the reminder of the one day trip and you tell Wanda about it. Admittedly she has no idea what half the stuff you tell her even means, but she loves seeing how happy you are. She hated not having you around but if it meant you staying this happy, she wouldn’t have a second thought about you going out there again.
In fact, she’s quick to ask when/if you’ll go back. While you plan to, you just aren’t sure when.
Before heading to the theater, you stop at the Stark’s. Tony has Morgan bring the tickets out to you (he got them for you after you told him that you endorsed Stark Industries to Lena). You and Wanda have a short conversation with the girl. Waiting for her to get back inside before you pull off.
Wanda’s excitement for seeing the play kicks in on the drive to the theater. She asks you to tell her everything you know about Alexander Hamilton, to which you tell her that if you do, you’re spoiling the whole play.
And she’s glad you didn’t.
The whole time she’s dancing in her seat and watching on in intrigue. She starts getting excited when certain “characters” come on stage.
By the time it’s over she already has songs stuck in her head. Singing along to them on your way to dinner.
“I am not throwing away my shot! I am not-” the lyrics fall short as she looks out the window.“ Where are we?”
“A restaurant. You hungry right?”
She smiles at you when you open the door for her and together you walk inside.
You have to ask what her favorite part of the play was and she launches into telling you about it. Apparently she loved Lafayette. Hamilton’s crew in general was awesome. And she just has to know if that’s what really happened. You hate to tell her it wasn’t nearly as exciting and that there was a lot less music.
You laugh when she tells you real history sucks and you have to agree.
Over dinner you ask about her. To which she tells you that she’s good and considering going to Clint’s for the holiday. The man truly cares for Wanda. She admits that it’s almost like having an older brother with hints of a father figure. You get that brother vibe from Clint, but being the same age takes away from the father aspect of it.
With it getting late, you pay and leave, not heading back to the compound until you’ve gotten dessert(ice cream per Wanda’s request).
You find yourself shushing Wanda when you get back. The woman can’t seem to not sing the songs. But the majority of the team is probably sleeping or getting ready to and the disturbance probably isn’t welcomed.
“Wan please it’s late.”
The Captain’s voice speaks up, startling you and Wanda,“ I take it you two had fun.”
Wanda nods excitedly and tells Steve he has to see it. Steve tells her he just might.
“Hey Cap,” you stop short on the way out and turn to the blonde man,“ am I assigned to any missions over the next month or so?”
His brows pinch together in thought, then he shakes his head.“ No you’re not. Got another trip?”
You chuckle softly,“ yeah probably, but I’m always on call.”
Nodding in understanding, he bids you and Wanda a good night. The two of you heading to your room, Wanda saying she doesn’t want to be alone tonight. She’s out in an instant and you ease into the bed after her.
Before you go to sleep, you text Lena, telling her that you’d be happy to come down for a bit in a couple of days.
That time passes quickly. All of it you spend with the team. They hate that you won’t be around on Thanksgiving so they implement an impromptu movie night. In which you’re allowed to pick the movie.
Funnily enough you end up between Wanda and Natasha for the night and while you’re a little tense, since your last talk you don’t feel entirely upset about being so close to the ex-assassin.
The day of, You and Wanda leave at the same time, her heading down to Clint’s, and you to the airport. Outside the compound you part ways, a long hug and a promise to call left between you.
As expected it’s chaotic as hell getting through the airport with everyone traveling for the holiday. Over the flight you find yourself coming up with designs for the power saw. By the time you land you think you have a pretty decent idea for it.
This time around, you’re let up to Lena’s office when you get to Luthor Corp. The space is impressive but not nearly as much as the labs.
“All work no play Miss Luthor?”
Lena looks up from her desk and smiles instantly at the sight of you leaning into the room,“ work hard so you can play harder Miss Y/Ln.”
You point inside and she nods. Her office has a great view of National City. Despite the cloudy sky, it still looks nice out. Lights from other skyscrapers scattering the view almost like twinkling stars.
“How long have you been here?” You ask, turning from the floor to ceiling windows to the clock.
The brunette shrugs,“ got in at eight.”
It’s currently nine, p.m.“ You’ve taken a couple breaks right?” Her silence is answer enough. Walking around the desk, you lean on it and lock your gaze with her green eyes.“ Why don’t you head home and we meet up tomorrow.”
Her gaze snaps up to yours,“ why?”
“Because it’s been thirteen hours and you’ve been working nonstop. I’m not going to be the reason you end up exhausted Lena.”
She sighs, knowing you’re right, but still wanting to spend at least a little time with you.“ Okay. You’re right. How about dinner?”
“How about you go get some sleep?”
“We’ll do it at my place. I relax and we both eat.”
The two of you stare at each other with narrowed eyes. Determination swirls in those green ones and you can’t help but chuckle at it.
Standing up straight you nod,“ fine fine. Dinner at your place.”
Lena smiles satisfactorily and makes quick work of packing her things up and leaving. Instead of a car service, Lena walks you out to her car. You must admit, you appreciate the simplicity of her black BMW. Only to find that the luxury lies inside with the red leather interior. Suddenly you want one.
The second she’s sitting you compliment the car and she waves it off, saying she’s had the car for years now. Among having other things in common, you find that you and Lena share similar tastes in music. Which is really a mix of all kinds of genres: Jazz, Pop, R&B, Classic Rock.
On the way inside her apartment, you end up joking about the last song being stuck in your head.
“Oh wow, this place looks great.” The apartment is similar to her office with the open concept and glass walls. However there is a very homey feel about it, with a combination of colors making the place warm and inviting.
Lena smiles,“ thank you.” Moving into the kitchen, she pulls out two menus, both of which she orders from constantly.“ Thai or Mediterranean?”
Thinking for a second you agree to Thai. Then joining her in the kitchen to choose a meal and accept the glass of scotch.
“So, have you given any thought to the power saw?”
“Aht aht, nope.” Lena raises a brow at your response.“ You just came from work, you really want to talk about more work?”
A laugh falls from her lips,“ no I suppose not.”
You nod,“ as I thought. Without overstepping can I ask how things have been outside of your career?”
With a nod she beckons you to the living room, the two of you sitting on the couch,“ I’d love to tell you it’s been great but really, I’m far too invested in my career to focus on my personal life.”
“I’m afraid that’s not very healthy Miss Luthor.” Your tone is teasing but you’re serious.
She chuckles,“ I’m aware. But finding the time is a struggle.”
After a sip of your drink, you set the glass on a coaster on the table,“ not about finding the time, it’s already there. It’s about making the time. Thing is, work will always be there, and not to get dark but, you can’t guarantee that the people you love always will.”
Green eyes watch the emotions flickering through e/c and Lena knows immediately that you’re speaking from experience. If she had to guess, she’d say it was your dad. When you spoke of him at dinner the first time you came there was distance in your voice.
Before she can ask about it though, you add,“ besides I’m sure there are plenty of people dying for a bit of your time.”
She tilts her head, expression of disagreement.
Noticing, you say,“ then allow me to be the first.”
Her jaw slackens and she’s ready to comment on your words but the buzzer sounds.
“I got it.” You pat the couch, pushing yourself up and fishing your wallet out.
Lena still sits there, wondering if your statement was meant to be as flirty and suggestive as it sounded. Because her heart definitely reacted to it that way.
It’s fluttering, a feeling she hadn’t had in quite some time.
“He gave us a bunch of fortune cookies.”
Your eyes are trained inside the bag as she looks at you, a smile pulling at the excitement in your voice.
Suddenly she can’t help but see you in a different light. She saw how attractive you were before, sure. But it’s now a lot more than your looks and science knowledge that has her taken by you.
With the containers spread out on the table, you and Lena start to eat. Conversation between the two of you light.
God you’re hilarious. And was that laugh been that cute last time, she finds herself asking(mentally).
She washes her last bite down with a sip of wine and looks at you,“ how long will you be staying this time?”
“I planned for at least a week, but I’m always on call with the team.”
The CEO smirks and raises her eyebrows,“ I get you for a whole week this time. And Thanksgiving.”
Even if you tried you couldn’t fight the heat rushing to your face. Much like Lena just had, you wonder if she meant that flirtatiously.
You laugh a little,“ if that isn’t a problem of course.”
“I don’t see how it ever could be.”
Over the next two days, ending the night like this seems to be a little routine. You go into Luthor Corp with Lena and hang around while she attends to company matters during the early hours of the day, the two of you work on the core and saw for a few hours, and then you have dinner together.
Until tonight that is. You still spend the first half of the day like before, however as you two are working on the core security lets Lena know a friend of hers is here. So you both go up to her office, where Kara is waiting.
The blonde smiles at Lena brightly, that same smile then directed to you,“ Y/n it’s great to see you again.”
“Likewise.” You accept the hug she gives after pulling away from Lena.
“How’ve you been?”
Nodding your head, you decide to just shrug,“ alright. In need of this little vacation that’s for sure. But what about you?”
The blonde’s smile is incredibly contagious. She pushes her glasses up her nose,“ great. I’m actually here to see if Lena will be joining us for game night.” The look on her friend’s face has Kara telling you,“ which you are more than welcome to join.”
“Oh um,” e/c eyes flicker from Kara to Lena and back,“ I really don’t want to intrude.”
Lena waves it off, ignoring Kara’s curious look,“ game night is for friends, old and new.”
It takes a few more persuasive words from the women, and a promise of good food before you give in.
That’s how you find yourself in Kara’s apartment for the first time. Winn is the first person to approach you, hesitant about giving you a hug but you open your arms for it.
“Y/n,” Alex approaches you,“ you’re joining us tonight?”
“If that’s okay.”
Lena and Kara frown at you then Alex. They’re wondering if you’d leave if Alex said she didn’t want you here. And you would. This isn’t your space. But you don’t have to.
Alex smiles a little,“ it’s fine, great even. I need a new partner since Olsen has fallen off.” She raises an eyebrow,“ drink?”
You nod and follow after her,“ what’ve you got?”
With your drink in hand, you go over into the living room where everyone is. Alongside greeting all the people you’d met the first time, you meet Mon-El.
“Pleasure to meet you.” You shake his hand and the guy smiles.
He returns the sentiment,“ these guys told me about your last visit.”
“Uh-oh.”
The friends around you laugh at your reaction.
James shakes his head,“ nothing bad.”
“Yeah no,” Winn adds,“ we had fun last time.”
Smiling, you tell them,“ me too.” And you have fun this time as well.
Quickly discovering that this group is competitive. Being on Alex’s team has you striving to win. The amount of high fives she gives you has your hand red but you love that you’re both dominating in charades right now.
“Hey woah no!” Alex exclaims and you’re right there with her, shouting,“ you’re mouthing words James!”
“Exactly!” Alex smacks your arm with the back of her hand.
Kara looks from you and her sister, a laugh on her lips, and sees Lena. The blonde follows Lena’s gaze to you, for seemingly the hundredth time tonight.
“Lena, mind helping me with these?” The closest excuse she has to getting the woman alone and she takes it.
The two pick up the empty snack bowls and carry them into the kitchen. At Lena’s side, Kara notices that she continues to glance over at you.
Playfully bumping Lena’s shoulder with hers, she says,“ this explains why you rescheduled lunch the other day. Didn’t want to waste a second of Y/n’s visit huh?”
The CEO’s eyes widen,“ I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Oh yes you do. You like her. I’ve seen it every time you looked at her tonight.” The blonde leans down a little to catch Lena’s eyes,“ what changed and when?”
She could try to deny this statement, but looking over at you and the way you throw your head back with laughter, she can’t.“ The day she came back. We ate dinner together at my apartment and I don’t know-” she shrugs with a soft smile.
A quiet squeal of excitement leaves Kara,“ this is great. I’m so happy for you Lena.”
“For what there’s nothing going on between us. It’s just a crush.”
“Right now maybe, but if you tell her how you feel. . .” Kara trails off, knowing the brunette can fill in the blank herself.
While she knows there’s a chance you do in fact like her, there’s also a chance she’s just reading too much into small things. You could just be being friendly.
Giving Kara a pointed look, Lena says,“ Y/n and I are just friends.” The words don’t reach her heart though and as she carries the refilled bowls back over to the living room, she knows that statement isn’t very believable.
* * * * * *
Taglist: @username23345 @depressed-bi-bitch @fayhar @trikruismybitch @aznblossom
#lena luthor#lena luthor x reader#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff x reader#dcu#dcu x reader#mcu#mcu x reader#reader insert#all over again
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drunk words, sober thoughts - t.h
pairing: tom holland x reader
warnings: alcohol, swearing, sexual themes, lap dance, a tiny bit of angst, fluff, smut
word count: 4k
a/n: it’s here, my first ever smut, go easy on me, i’m fucking nervous!!!! i wanna thank @missevrythingg for helping me, i wouldn’t dave done it without you, i love you ray 💖 i really hope you guys enjoy!! i also made a playlist for this fic, it really sets the mood for it!! again, english in not my first language so there’s probably some mistakes/typos, just pretend you didn’t see it! ;) oh and please, do let me know what you guys think, it really helps! i love you all, happy reading! 💓
It had been a long time since Tom last saw you. Between his acting career and your college scholarship in Canada, you guys barely kept contact for the last year. That’s why, when you finally came back home, he decided to throw you a surprise birthday party.
Sam was responsible to bring you to the club Tom had rented for the night, with the excuse that the place had just opened and it was a success already. He told you to get dressed and since Tom’s car was already full of people, he offered you a drive, which you gladly accepted.
Music was blasting from the nightclub when Sam parked his car near the entrance of the building, making you even more excited to be celebrating your birthday with your childhood friends. It wasn’t until you stepped foot in the club and saw all your friends with a giant banner on top of their heads saying “Happy 21st Birthday, y/n!” that you realized the party was, in fact, for you.
Sam was the first to hug you and wish you a happy birthday, but from the corner of your eye, you saw Tom approaching you with a smirk the size of the place on his face, making you sure it was his idea.
“Surprise!” He whispered in your ear as soon as he wrapped his arms around you. “You little shit!” That was the only thing you could say upon realizing he was, in fact, the mastermind behind all of this.
“Oh, c’mon, it’s your 21st birthday, I had to!” Tom stated, making you roll your eyes. “No, you didn’t! But thank you!” You answered, giving your friend another hug.
The rest of the boys greeted you, all wishing you a happy birthday, which you thanked, hugging each one. Suddenly you saw Cara, one of your friends from high school that had unfortunately moved to Australia and you hadn’t seen her since.
“No, you didn’t!” You screamed, making direct eye contact with Tom. “I did it!” He stated, making your smile grow even wider. Without wasting time, you run to your friend, hugging her like she was going to disappear at any minute.
“I can’t believe you’re here! I missed you!” You said, smiling so much that your cheeks hurt. “I missed you too, y/n/n! And yeah, I couldn’t believe either when Tom Holland contacted me, wanting to bring me to England!” She said, making both of you laugh.
Once you had greeted all of your friends, Tom went to the stage with a microphone, shouting “It’s time to party!” at the top of his lungs, making everyone scream and celebrate. “Crazy In Love” started to play as soon as he left the stage and that was only the beginning. Tom knew your obsession with old pop, so throughout the night, he made sure the DJ played all your favorites.
Between the bar special drinks and tequila shots, you lost track of time and were now dancing “I’m A Slave 4 You” with your girlfriends. The song blasted from the speakers, the alcohol in your system making you lose control of your own body. Cara still remembered some of the choreography of the song, from when you two were kids and used to learn all of Britney Spears's music videos, and so practically obliged you to do it with her.
Tom, Harrison, Tuwaine, Harry, and Sam were sitting in one of the dark red booths at the back of the club, with beers in hands, watching as you and Cara gave a show to everyone present.
“When did y/n get so hot?” Harry was the first to point out, making his twin brother chuckle. “While she was in Canada, apparently!” Tuwaine shrugged, gulping the icy liquid in his hands.
“Tom, you better close your mouth, you’re going to catch flies!” Harrison teased his friend, earning him a deadly glare. “Fuck off!” Tom shoved him, before going back to admiring how your body moved perfectly to the music.
When the first notes of “I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll” started, your drunk body made its way into the stage, grabbing the microphone, ready to lip-sync another one of your favorites songs. Your friends all gathered at the front of the stage, screaming and encouraging you to keep going. You still remembered Britney’s classic performance and so, you tried your best to copy her movements, just like in the music video.
Screams filled the crowded space of the nightclub while you pretended to sing the song. Cara and another one of your friends joined you on the stage, pretending to be your back singers. The boys observed you while you played with the microphone cord, twisting it on your finger. What they didn’t expect was for you to get on your knees, continuing the, rather sexy, performance on the stage floor.
“Holy shit!” Harrison exclaimed, not drawing the attention of his friends, who were busy watching you. “Should we do something?” Asked Sam, clearly concerned by your, rather drunk, actions. “Yeah, get closer!” His twin brother answered, getting off the booth and making his way to the stage, quickly being followed by the others.
When your eyes caught Tom’s brown (and lusty) ones, you made a point of getting close and teasing him by playing with his hair, which made everyone else lose their minds over it. When the song ended, he helped you get out of the stage while your friends applauded, praising you for the performance.
“Need some help there, love?” Tom asked, securing you in his arms when your legs felt like jelly. “Nope! I’m goooood!” You answered, extending the o’s, completely out of your mind.
“I see! Maybe you should slow down the drinks?” You knew Tom was just trying to help you, but being in your embriagate state, you just shushed him, putting a finger on his lips. “I have a better idea, what if... we did more shots?” You shouted, getting out of his embrace and making your way to the bar.
A couple more hours had passed and unfortunately, the party was coming to an end. Some of your guests had already left, but the ones that stayed were left on the dancing floor, with not so much energy as before.
But everything changed when “Dance for You” by Beyoncé started to play, you didn’t know how but a chair appeared in the middle of the dancing floor, completely out of nowhere. You immediately understood what whoever put that chair there wanted and if you haven’t before, your friends shouting “lap dance” had also made it very clear.
As intoxicated as you were, you knew exactly who you wanted on that chair. Seductively, you made your way to Tom, making grabby hands once you were in front of him. The screams only increased when he accepted your invitation without so much of a protest.
Making your way to the chair, you made Tom sit, going around it and putting your hands on his shoulders. To be completely honest, you had no idea what you were even doing. You never gave a lap dance before, so this was new territory for you. But your friend's screams and Tom’s lusty eyes gave you all the encouragement you needed.
Your hands explored every inch of his body, through his chest, abs, neck, shoulders, what your hands could reach, you were touching, always making sure to get close to his ear and tease him as best as you could.
You used the music to your advantage, moving your body to the beats, making sure to emphasize your hips. When you finally sat on his lap, it was like the end of a war, everyone was celebrating, screams and whistles could be heard even with the loud music.
Tom didn’t know what to do, he just awkwardly sat there, with his hands by his sides, dying to touch you. His wishes came true when you finally took his hands, putting them on your waist, where they stayed glued to your body. You continued your performance, grinding, swirling, doing all the things you knew about lap dance and by Tom’s reactions, you seemed to be doing a really good job. His eyes were on your body all the time but they seemed different, now dark shades of brown, almost black, covered his once hazel irises.
The song was, unfortunately, coming to an end, and to finish your show, you properly took a seat in Tom’s lap, straddling his waist, and this time, you could feel how much he was enjoying your performance. With the position, your already revealing dress left nothing to the imagination, and locking your eyes with his, you saw nothing but lust and desire, very different things that you used to see in your friend's stare.
You leaned in and he did too, and once your faces were only millimeters away, you suddenly lost all the courage on your body and pulled away, burying your face into his neck instead. Next thing you know, you were being helped into Tom’s car while your friends discussed where you were gonna spend the night.
“I can’t bring her home like that, her parents are going to kill me!” You heard Tom say. “Well, let’s take her to our place then! We can send them a text saying she’s staying with us.” Sam offered and the rest of the group seemed to agree since you didn’t hear any more discussion.
You must have blacked out again because suddenly you were being put in a bed. “Where am I?” You asked, feeling your throat dry. “You’re at my house, darling! It’s okay, you can sleep now!” You heard Tom’s voice but couldn’t find him with your blurred vision. “No, I don’t wanna sleep!” You protested, sounding like a three-year-old, which Tom chuckled.
“What do you wanna do then?” He pushed, and you felt a weight on the bed. “I can think of some things…” You whispered, passing your fingers through his shirt, feeling his hard abs underneath your palms. “y/n, you’re drunk!” Tom tried warning, earning him a scoff. “You are too!” You mocked, really sounding like a child now.
“Yeah, and that’s why we’re not gonna do anything that we may regret tomorrow.” He said, taking your hand in his. “Nooo, I want you!” At this stage, your mouth had a mind of its own because you couldn’t even process the things you were saying and that was one of them.
“I’m sorry, darling! We can talk about this tomorrow when we’re both sober. Okay?” Tom was trying. He was trying so hard to not give in to your pressure, you were practically begging him to sleep with you. But no, he couldn’t. You were both drunk and this type of decision shouldn’t be made under the influence of alcohol.
“You’re no fun!” You complained, earning another chuckle from him. “Yeah, yeah! You’re gonna thank me tomorrow!” He told you and once you didn’t respond anymore, he realized that you had fallen asleep.
He then took off your shoes, your makeup with one of his spare makeup remover wipes and exchanged your dress for one of his old shirts, making you the most comfortable he possibly could, since he knew you were going to have a pretty bad hangover the next day.
Oh, the next day. You woke up feeling like the whole world was spinning, you felt nauseous, your head was pounding and you smelled like alcohol. Opening your eyes, you saw a bottle of water and some painkillers by your side, which you were quick to chug all down.
“Good morning, birthday girl!” Harrison’s voice was like a hammer to your already sore head. “Please, don’t! I’m dying!” You pleaded, laying down again.
“Oh, c’mon! Wore yourself out yesterday?” Harry’s voice came out of nowhere, but you were too tired to further investigate. “How bad was it?” You asked, actually scared of the answer.
“You know… the normal! You drank, danced, drank more, did a lip sync of a Britney Spears song, drank some more…” Harrison started to point out, making you groan and hide your face in the covers.
“Wait, wait, wait! I’m in Tom’s bed, wearing only one of his shirts… Does that mean we…?” you inquired, making the boys loudly groan. “y/n, c’mon! No, he slept on the couch!” Harry grunted, making a disgusted face.
“But you gave him a lap dance!” Sam’s voice startled you, making you jump on the bed.
“I did what?!!!!!!” You shouted, making the pounding in your head even worse. “I knew you weren’t going to remember so I recorded everything.” Harrison’s passed you his phone.
And just like he said, there you were, in Tom’s lap, with your tits practically in his mouth, while you danced and swirled your hips to a Beyoncé song. “No, no, no, no! Why did you guys let me do that?” You asked, completely perplexed with your actions.
“Well, you seemed to be enjoying it and it was your birthday party, we didn’t want to ruin your day,” Harry said, which earned him a death glare. “But my day is ruined! How am I supposed to face Tom now?!” You questioned, looking dumbfounded at your friends.
“Well, you better think about something because our families planned a brunch in a couple of hours,” Sam told you, matter of factly, making you loudly groan and slide even further under the covers.
Half an hour later, you were forced by your friends to get up, take a shower and get ready for brunch, since there was no way your parents would let you miss it, it was your birthday after all. With a simple summer dress, that you had laying around at the boy's place and sunglasses that were the size of your head, you made your way downstairs, where they were already waiting for you.
“Good morning!” Tuwaine’s deep voice startled you from his place on the couch, next to Tom, who you completely ignored. “Please, don’t!” You protested, feeling a hammer in your head every time you took a step.
Quickly, you made your way to the garage, not wanting to face Tom in any circumstances. Once he and the twins got into his car, Tom made his way to the restaurant where your families were already waiting.
To say the brunch was a complete disaster was an understatement. You were practically a zombie, the food at your plate made you want to throw up and the pain in your head was not ceasing. You could see Tom sneaking glances, trying to talk to you, but you looked away and dismissed him every time, you were just too embarrassed to even look at him.
When the torture was finally over, your parents asked if you wanted to come back home but you decided to stay with the boys, since you knew you had to talk to Tom at some point. The ride back was silent, only the sound of the radio could be heard and to be honest, the tension was starting to get you. Once Tom parked the car in front of the house, you and the twins were getting out when he stopped you.
“You can go ahead, I want to show y/n a place.” He said and you immediately looked at him with your brows raised, having no idea what he was talking about, but praying it didn’t have anything to do with last night's events.
Once the twins were out, you got into the passenger seat and Tom drove away, not even saying a word to you. The drive was short and just a couple of minutes after, he was pulling into an empty parking lot. Turning off the car, he put one of his arms behind the passenger seat, facing you completely.
“Oh, that’s it?” You asked, clearly confused with what was going on. “There wasn’t a place, y/n! I just wanted for us to be alone so we could talk.” Tom stated.
“Tom, let’s not…” You tried to brush off the conversation but he wasn’t having. “Yes, y/n! What’s going on? Why are you avoiding me?”
“Please, Tom! Don’t pretend nothing happened last night!” You rolled your eyes, still avoiding his gaze. “I’m not the one pretending here! You won’t even look me in the eye!” He huffed, getting tired of your behavior.
“I’m ashamed, okay?!!!” You screamed, losing your inner battle and finally looking at him. “God, the things I did to you last night were… awful!” You said, quickly averting his gaze.
“I wouldn’t use that word!” Tom smirked, making you roll your eyes and cross your arms. “Seriously, y/n! It’s not that serious!”
“It is to me, Tom! I’m not used to stuff like that!” You told him, getting tired of the conversation. “Well, it’s not like I haven’t thought about you like that!” The boy tells you.
“You what?” Looking back at him, you could see a giant smirk plastered on his face. “Oh, c’mon y/n! Don’t tell me you never thought about it?” Tom inquired, making you suddenly nervous.
“What? No! I mean… yeah, you’re… you’re hot but… no! Never like... that!” You tried your best to keep your voice steady and not give in to him but your stuttering made it clear you were failing.
“Really? That’s a shame! Because you looked stunning sitting on my lap last night. Made me think about so many things to do to you.” He whispered, very close to your ear, making you squirm on your sit.
“Tom…” You moaned, feeling his hot palm on your thigh. “What is it, y/n?” Tom asked, looking at you with eyes full of lust and desire, all for you. “Kiss me!” You begged and in seconds, his lips were on yours.
You were lying before, of course, you had already thought about Tom in more… sexual ways. The boy was practically a greek god, there was no way you couldn’t notice how his perfect six-pack showed even underneath his stupidity tight T-shirts. But nothing in this world could prepare you for the overwhelming sensation you felt when you kissed. It was like a fire ignited inside of your body and only he could help make it stop.
When the kisses weren't enough anymore, you tried to get into his lap, but the positions you were in prevented you from that. “Backseat?” He asked, breathing heavily. “Yes!” You desperately nodded.
In quick but awkward movements, you and Tom made your way to the backseat and he didn’t lose time by putting you in his lap, encouraging you to grind on his already hard bulge. “You’re so hot!” He breathed between kisses, making you grind even harder.
“Tom…” You moaned, putting one of your hands on his pants, teasing his still clothed cock, while the other stayed on his broad shoulders, steadying yourself. Moans filled the car once Tom put one of his hands on your core, already dripping wet. “God, look at you!” He praised, biting your bottom lip.
“Tom, please…” You pleaded, moving your hips faster, trying to get some relief. “What do you want, darling?” He murmured, putting your underwear to the side, coating his fingers with your slickness. “Fuck!” You cried out, begging him to keep touching you.
“It’s okay, I’m gonna take care of you!” Tom increased his movements and in seconds you were a mess on top of him, moans mixed with curse words left your mouth, making him even more eager for you. “Tom!” You moaned, taking his hand off of you when you were on the edge of your high, making him raise his brows.
“I wanna cum with you!” You whispered and at that moment, Tom felt completely intoxicated with you. Smirking, he fished a condom from his wallet, before taking his pants and boxers off. You wrapped your hand around his shaft, spreading his precum, feeling him twitch only with your touch.
Teasingly, you took the package out of his hands and opened it with your teeth, before sliding the latex material on his cock. “You know we don’t have to, right? I mean, I want to but if you don’t, that’s okay!” Tom let you know, and the look in his eyes told you he was telling nothing but the truth. “I know! But I want to!” You stated, making him smile before colliding his lips on yours.
One of Tom’s hands goes to your hip to guide you onto him as you hold your underwear to the side. Moans fill the car as you sink onto him, both of you at a loss of words with this new overwhelming sensation. “So fucking good!” You gasp, as Tom starts to help you move your hips up and down, increasing the speed with each move.
It doesn’t take long for you to be reaching your high but this time Tom will not let you escape. He presses one of his slender fingers on your clit, doing circular motions that drive you insane. “Tom, don’t stop… oh, fuck!” Your walls clench around him, as you feel your orgasm washing over in waves of pleasure.
“You good?” He asks with a cocky smirk after a few minutes of your racked breaths, making you want to slap it out of his face. “Not bad!” You tease him, quickly regretting your choice of words when he starts pounding into you with no mercy. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You cried, closing your eyes with the amount of pleasure he’s giving you.
“What is it, darling? I can’t hear you!” It’s his turn to tease you and after a few minutes, you’re left moaning out his name again, like it’s the most blessed praying in the world. “y/n, fuck!” With the feeling of your body convulsing on top of him, Tom loses the battle and as he screams your name, you can feel his cock twitch inside of you, making you clench around him.
With heavy breaths and sore bodies, you and Tom stay glued to one another, in silence, enjoying the post-sex feeling. “God, we should have done this a long time ago!” Tom smirks, making you chuckle. “Absolutely!” You laugh, leaving a kiss on his swollen lips.
Once you two had cleaned up and Tom got rid of the used condom, he invited you for ice cream, and, to be honest, how could you deny it? The place he took you was like a unicorn dream, the walls were pink with colorful sprinkles painted on it. After you were both seated on a rainbow table, a waitress came offering you a smile, before taking your orders, chocolate fudge for you, vanilla bean for Tom.
“So…” He said, trying to start a conversation. “So…” You copied him, feeling suddenly aware of what you two had done. “I’m… you know what? I’m just gonna ask it! What we did before was just… sex for you?” Tom blurted out, making your whole body fill with anxiety.
“Oh, I… I don’t know. I mean, I was... hoping not?” You answered, using the courage still left on your body. “Yeah?” He smiled, seemingly relaxed with your choice of words. “Me too!” He completed, taking one of his hands in yours.
You smiled, feeling completely enamored with the boy sitting in front of you. Leaning in, you kissed his lips, sweetly and slowly, feeling his smile grow between the kisses. Once you were done with the ice cream, he took you to the park, where you stayed until sunset, holding hands, stealing kisses, and watching adorable old couples doing the same things you were doing, even after all the years together.
“So… did you enjoy your birthday?” Tom asked, as soon as you took a seat on the freshly cut grass in front of a beautiful lake with a couple of swans peacefully swimming. Smiling, you leaned in, placing a kiss on his lips, before answering. “It was the best!”
tagging some mutuals: @definitely-not-black-cat @stuckonspidey @bi-writes @missnxthingg @peeterparkr @tomhollandthing @wazzupmrstark @screamholland @fallinfortom @duskholland
#my writing#tom holland#tom holland fanfic#tom holland imagine#tom holland blurb#tom holland one shot#tom holland fic#tom holland smut#tom holland x reader#tom holland x you#tom holland x y/n#tom holland writing
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Columbus isn't home - J. Anderson
Summary: Josh returns to Columbus (winter 2021/2) for the first time since being traded.
Warnings: swearing, mentions of breakup, pandemic, rehab
Word count: 1,420
Puck ‘n Grind’s masterlist
“You don’t live here any more!” You screamed into your phone, ending the call then throwing your phone across the room. He didn’t live in Columbus anymore or the country for that matter. Josh was traded, sold his condo you two shared then blamed the border closer on his lack of return to Ohio before the season started last January. He found someone else to occupy his time in the year since you’ve seen him. While he wouldn’t tell you outright, the pictures didn’t lie. Punching the pillow and screaming again didn’t seem to help matters. Your phone rang again. Ignoring it and stepping outside into the cool winter air helped slightly.
The knock on the door startled you. “Ignore it.” You convinced yourself it was a salesman.
“Bells!” The recognizable voice shouted through the door. “Bells, damnit! I saw you standing at your balcony. Isabella!!” Josh’s voice got louder. A thud came from the door then silence.
Ding. The text alert lit up your phone from under the coffee table. Ding. Ding.
“Fuck off Anderson!” You thought you shouted but maybe it was a whisper. Closing the balcony door then fishing your phone from where you launched it you tip toe to the door to look out the peephole. Yup, Josh’s long legs spread into the hallway.
“I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.” Josh sensed you were at the door.
“Why? Don’t you have a game tomorrow or something?” You pressed your forehead into the door. The unfinished business between you two making you want to open the door for him.
“Yes and I don’t care if I play like shit if it means talking to you face to face.” Josh stands, presses his hands to either side of the door frame then stares at the glass that keeps flipping from light to dark. “Just let me in Bells. Please?” You cursed how good he looked and even through the door how he was effecting your body.
“If I open the door what will change?” You stand your ground mustering up all the hurt and anger from the past year.
“We can close the chapter. I can apologize properly. Bells, please?” Josh brushes his fingers through his wet long locks. Reminding you of his 2019 cup run. Told him how much you liked his hair long and he kept it. You huff out of exhaustion then unlock your deadbolt. Slowly opening the door feeling Josh’s piercing blue eyes on you before even looking up.
“Come in.” Your voice shaky with a hint of annoyance.
“Thanks Bella.” Josh shuffled past you brushing his knuckles slightly against your arm as he made his way into your place. “Nice place.” He looks it up and down.
“Well, it was what I could afford after being suddenly evicted from my gorgeous condo… oh wait?” The venom dripping from each word.
“I really am sorry. I should’ve…” Josh stands a safe distance but you still feel the heat radiating between you.
“Save it. You attempted to apologize for the shit show that was October 2020 and I’m done hearing it. Why are you really here Josh?” Your arms cross over your chest.
“I needed to see you. I wanted to say sorry in person. This is the first time I’ve been back. I’ve missed…”. You put your finger up to stop him.
“Don’t fucking say you missed me! We both know you left your Columbus life and didn’t look back. Found new friends, new team, new girl. Don’t get all nostalgic on me now that you are back thinking we can just be fuck buddies when the Habs are in town.” You almost growl at him then make your way to the kitchen. Having this conversation needed alcohol. Knowing Josh would follow you slam a bottled water on the counter. The lid almost popping off with force. Twisting off your drinks top and chugging it like water made your head spin a bit.
“Bells. That’s not it at all. Could you calm down, please?” Josh stepped closer. “I think you filled in some holes that aren’t true.”
“Oh, you are smooth. Is that how you got her in bed? Convinced her we broke up? Introduced her to the wives? Let her wear a WAGS jacket to the cup final? Please enlighten me on what holes I filled?” Pressing your lips to your bottle again not wanting to break eye contact with him.
“Let’s sit on the coach, eh?” He puts out his hand but you walk past him to what was once his couch and sit placing your feet up so he had to sit on the other end.
“So, talk.” You had forgotten how you still loved him because all you could see was the hurt he caused.
“I fucked up.” He leans into the back of the couch.
“Sure did.” You nod.
“Bells, this was never the plan. Ever. Ask any of the guys.” Josh bites his lip then looks down at your feet.
“I did. You were going to propose. Well at least that’s what ‘the guys’ told me. Since you decided to ignore them too and I really didn’t have anyone else here beyond the family we made with the team.” Your fingers were still up in the air from the air quotes.
“You could’ve gone home to Cleveland, Bella.” Josh mumbled.
“I made a life here Josh. Remember? Job, friends, you. The only thing that left was you.” You snap.
“I’m a dumbass.”
“You could say that again.”
“I’m a fucking dumbass.” He repeats causing you to laugh a little. “Your laugh is contagious you know. I swear I hear it sometimes sitting in my apartment alone.”
“Alone?” You narrow your brow knowing she was living with him.
“Yeah. I told her I was still in love with you and sorry I lead her on the way I did.” Josh buries his face into his hands.
“Is that why your brother snapped me stating you were a fucking mess?”
“Probably.”
“Then why has it taken you this long to get back here? Say these things?” Your voice softened but guard still very much up.
“I wallowed in my parents’ basement for a good two to three weeks." Josh admits.
"Four weeks according to your Mom." You insert.
"What?" Josh was confused. "Anyway, decided to find a trainer in Montreal. When the border opened I wanted to come find you but you wouldn’t return my calls or texts or anything. And I get it, because I hurt you probably more than anyone ever has or will. I don’t deserve you, Bells. I have never deserved you. You’ve always been too good for my idiotic self.” Josh sniffles causing you to look over at him. His sweatpants now wet from tears dripping down his arms.
“Josh.” You whisper. “I… I don’t know what to say.”
“I didn’t ask you to say anything Bella.” Josh sits up wiping his face with his sleeve which makes you giggle.
“You want a tissue there Anderson?” Pulling the box from behind the couch. Josh grabbing one with a nod. The two of you sat in silence. Not really knowing what to say but just sitting there feeling the weight of the situation. Finally, the words come to you lips.
"You did hurt me the most of anyone, ever. You dumped our entire world for, what? Money? I was ready to follow you anywhere and you didn't even give me a chance. Do you not remember the rehab? Our trip to Vail for your surgery? You were pushing me away and I wrote it off as pain. Then... then... You just left. Left. Found an upgrade on all aspects of life and moved the fuck on. I was left to pick up the pieces. Yeah, I still love you but I'm not sure I trust you. I'm not in love with you. But, yeah, Josh. I still love you and it fucking hurts."
"But you still love me?" Josh had a small glimmer of hope in his voice.
"J, you live in Canada not Columbus." You whisper out.
"But the fact that you still love me is a start, Bells." Josh turns to you.
"Is it?" You question looking deep into his eyes. "Columbus will never be your home again and I cannot just live in Montreal."
"You sure about that Isabella?" Josh shuffles around. You look down, eyes going wide.
"Don't!"
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Home (Modern!Ivar x reader)
A/N: This is my entry for @maggiescarborough‘s 400 Followers Challenge. Congrats again, love 🌺
This is another silly, fluffy thing. It’s probably boring, sorry 😔
Since Ivar is undoubtedly a Scorpio, this story takes place in November 😉
The prompt: surprising the character on their birthday.
@geekandbooknerd, thanks for beta reading this for me ♥️ And @inforapound, thanks for helping me out ♥️
Thanks to google translate too 😉 jeg er allerede begyndt at lære dansk: I've already started to learn Danish.
Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊
Divider by @firefly-graphics
Summary: On his birthday, Ivar is in a very bad mood. The only present he wants is you, but there is an ocean between you two.
Warnings: Ivar’s bad temper (is that ever a warning??); soft, soft Ivar; fluff+++.
Words: 3209
When his phone rings, Ivar's first thought is to throw it across the room. Looking down, he then sees the name on the screen and closes his eyes. Snippets of his days run through his mind: how he had snapped at Ubbe – I don't give a shit about what you're saying, brother; how his outburst had brought to tears his new personal assistant – if you don't even know how to make a fucking coffee, I should probably fire you; how Harald, his longtime business partner, had hung up on him, angering him even more – you may be smart, Ivar, but when you're such in a bad mood, you're worthless. I'll call you tomorrow.
Ivar knows he needs to calm down. He's so pissed off – at everything – that his right quadriceps is constantly spasming, his thigh as hard as rock. Inhaling and exhaling deeply, he sighs loudly, pinches the bridge of his nose and eventually grabs his phone.
"Mor?" He's sure his mother won't fail to notice the hint of sharpness in his voice. She won't acknowledge it, though, used to his temper.
"Hello Darling." There's a tremendous amount of love packed in those two little words, yet it doesn't bring a smile on his stern face. "I just wanted to let you know that Sven is on his way. He left Kattegat forty minutes ago. He is going to take you home."
Clenching his jaw, Ivar stops himself from telling his mother that Kattegat, for him, is no longer home. Not anymore. The truth is, he doesn't know where home is. Home isn't his luxurious loft in in the very center of Copenhagen either. Home should be where you are. But you're so far away…
Ivar clears his throat. "I still don't get it, Mor. Why should I go with your chauffeur? You do know I can drive, don't you?"
"Oh, honey, of course I do. But we've been over this, remember? You had to work the whole day, on your birthday, and I just want you to relax. Traffic can be brutal this time of day. Just let Sven bring you home. Maybe take a nap in the backseat, or just allow your thoughts to wander. I want you to be rested tonight, sweetheart." His mother pauses for a few seconds, and when she speaks again, her words are careful, her tone almost hesitant – so unlike her, his heart softens a little. "You did pack a bag, didn't you?"
Ivar can't help but roll his eyes and then settles his gaze on a brown leather duffel bag right next to his mahogany desk. He knows that whatever his mother might expect, he won't stay the night. And if she doesn't allow Sven
to drive him back to Copenhagen, he will just call a cab. He won't argue about it right now, though – everything in its own time.
Letting out a small sigh, Ivar nods uselessly, a hand running through his hair. "Yes Mor, I did."
Sven knows better than to talk to him and, in the backseat, as the car speeds down the highway, Ivar closes his eyes and tries to relax. Anger still coursing through his veins, it turns out it's a nearly impossible task. It seems as if everything has gone wrong since he woke up and he's therefore mad at the whole world. He's mad at all those stupid, infuriating people he had to interact with. He's mad at Sven for taking him to Kattegat. He's mad at his mother for inviting him for his birthday. He's mad at himself for accepting. He's even mad at you, for not being here; for not making the impossible possible. For leaving him alone. And no matter if deep down he knows how unfair it is to you; because of course, you'd be here if you could. But he can't help it. He's mad at you because he misses you, every day a little more, to the point where the ache in his heart is far worse than the pain in his legs.
And today, he misses you like crazy. To the point where sadness floods his mind. To the point where anger takes control. Because today may be his birthday, but it's also the anniversary of your first kiss, first and foremost. And he wants you here, right next to him, for now and forever.
Fourteen months ago, after yet another surgery, and because even if he knew all too well that he couldn't stay by himself while recovering, the mere thought of his mother's overprotective presence made him nauseous, he had flown – fled – to Canada, to Floki's. The old fool had welcomed him with open arms, turning one of the many guest rooms of his house into a high-tech physiotherapy space. That's where he met you. At first, you had been just his physical therapist, then his date, his girlfriend, and now you are his lover. And if he's back in Denmark for nine months now, you're still in Canada. He had thought he could handle a long-distance relationship. He couldn't have been more wrong. Your absence just kills him.
As a boat whistle can be heard, Ivar slowly opens his eye and then looks around. Frowning, he scratches his head, confused and annoyed. Since the Lothbrok mansion is located on a hill overlooking Kattegat, there's never any reason to go by the seaside to get there. Never ever. "We're on the wrong road, Sven. Why are you going to the shore?" Ivar speaks in a demanding tone of voice that doesn't impress Sven one bit.
The obedient chauffeur barely shrugs. "I'm just following orders, Sir. Your mother's orders."
Now riled up, irked, Ivar snorts, his nostrils flaring. "My mother asked you to drive me here?" Without waiting for an answer, he takes his phone out of his back pocket, gasping as Sven comes to a halt in front of The Nimb Hotel, the hotel palace of Kattegat.
When his mother doesn't pick up the phone, a sinking feeling growing in the pit of his stomach, he tries to get ahold of Hvitserk, Ubbe, and even Sigurd, but to no avail. Fuming, his hands curling into fists, Ivar clenches his teeth. Did his mother organize a fucking birthday party even though she knows he hates that? She wouldn't dare. No, she wouldn't.
Oh, fuck. Sure, she would. She totally would. And it'd explain why she had been so adamant about having Sven drive him. She wanted him here, in this fucking hotel, and not at the mansion. It explains why his brothers don’t answer the phone. Because they know that if they did, he would yell at them to fuck off. He can’t believe it!! What’s got into his mother?? What the fucking hell??!!!!
For a split second, he hovers a trembling pointer finger over the screen of his phone. Calling an Uber and going back to Copenhagen would be so easy. But as tempting as it may be to just run away, he knows he won't do it. He can't. Because it'd hurt his beloved mother, and the thought is unbearable, even though he's angry with her right now. That's why, whatever she may have planned, he'll deal with it, putting on a brave face for her sake.
And that's why he doesn't object when Sven opens his door, "This way, Sir," his hand gesturing toward the hotel entrance, flanked by two ostentatious marble columns. Ivar uses his hands to place his right leg out of the car and he then slowly stands up, one hand on his crutch and the other on the car door, before following the gray-haired chauffeur, a permanent scowl on his face.
As they walk through the lobby, he is surprised when Sven leads him onto an elevator, pressing the twelfth-floor button. He would have thought that his mother would have privatized the hotel restaurant. But the restaurant is on the main floor. What's on the upper floors other than rooms? A roof terrace, probably. His mother would never throw an outdoor party in the middle of November though. Nothing makes sense.
Confused, Ivar tilts his head while the lift is going up. "Where are we going?" Sven doesn't react to his harsh tone, just repeating his reply from earlier. "I'm following orders, Sir. I am walking you to where your mother ordered me to walk you." He doesn't utter another word, getting out of the elevator as soon as the door opens.
Ivar tightens his grip on his crutch and follows him to what seems to be a hotel room. Or more specifically, and as it's written on the door, the executive suite. More and more bewildered, he watches Sven swiftly knocking on the door before using a card key to unlock it. Holding it open, the chauffeur steps aside, "I've been asked to tell you that the sunroom is over there," waving his hand slightly to the left, Sven then gives a slight nod to an astounded Ivar, "I now take my leave, Sir. I wish you a delightful evening."
As Ivar slowly crosses the living room, the slight thud of his crutch on the hardwood floor alerts you of his presence. Shivering with excitement and your heart pounding in your chest, you struggle but don't move, don't say a word; not yet.
Taking a tentative step into the sunroom, which, he's sure of it, offers during daytime a breathtaking view on the bay of Kattegat, a dumbfounded Ivar notices the candles first – there are candles everywhere, their soft glow creating an intimate ambience – and then the table for two elegantly set in the middle of the room.
"What the fuck is going on?" Ivar grumbles, irritation obvious in his voice, and you know it's time for you to show up, or he may leave. Stepping toward him and into the light, you absently rub your sweaty palms up and down your black dress, your heart now beating so hard and so fast you wonder if he can hear it. This is it. The moment you were waiting for, for weeks now. You couldn't be happier, and yet you can't help but be nervous. Could he reject you? You don't think so but with Ivar, you never know… Swallowing the lump in your throat, and even if you can barely breathe, you manage to crack a smile at the exact moment he sets his eyes on you. "Happy birthday, my love, and happy anniversary too."
Ivar's jaw drops, his eyes widen, and a soft gasp escapes his plump lips. He wobbles for an instant and you quickly close the gap between you and him, steadying him by placing both your hands on his hips. Your touch shaking him out of his stupor, he blinks a few times, his piercing blue eyes never leaving your face. "Y/N, is it… is it really you?" With a trembling voice and tears in his eyes, he stutters, dazed and surprised. "By the gods, what… what are you doing here?" His arm finding your waist, Ivar pulls you closer. There's a whirlwind of emotions on his face, but there's mostly love. You're sure he won't reject you.
"Did you really think I was going to miss your birthday?" Standing on tiptoes, you give him a long kiss before whispering in his ear, "And I missed you so much, my love."
Rough fingers caress your face as Ivar looks down at you incredulously. "But… I… I don't understand… I… I thought you were busy with work. But you're here… How?"
"By plane, obviously," you quip playfully, and your lover rolls his eyes and shakes his head, before suddenly frowning. "That's really a wonderful surprise, Y/N, and I'd love to stay here with you but we… we should go… My mother… I think she's waiting for me, for us… You know, since it's my birthday, she wanted to throw…" Ivar stops talking when it dawns on him that he has been – to his delight – tricked, and you just smile. "Mother never planned a party, did she?"
It's your turn to shake your head. "No, she never did, you're right. She knew I was coming and since I needed a little help, she agreed to play along. Tonight, it's just you and me, my love." Ivar's eyes sparkling with joy, your smile grows wider. "She's expecting us for lunch tomorrow, though."
Nodding, Ivar flashes you a beaming smile that falters almost immediately as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other. As he stifles a hiss of pain, you wrap his right arm around your shoulder and your left around his waist. Without a word, you lead him to a corner of the sunroom, help him to sit down on a huge nest chair and finally breathe a sigh of satisfaction as you snuggle into his side.
His hand running up your arm, Ivar cups your face and looks at you fondly. "You being here with me is the best birthday gift ever." He then kisses you passionately, his hands roaming your back and your fingers threading through his long hair. When he breaks the kiss, he still holds you close and you lean into his warmth, your head resting on his chest.
"When are you flying back?" Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, Ivar clenches his jaw as you pull away just enough to look at him. You know he hates the idea of you leaving him once again. You don't have time to answer him as he keeps going. "Guess you'll stay through the weekend, but when is your flight? On Monday morning?"
A mischievous smile playing on your lips, you wrap your fingers around his hand. "There's no flight, Ivar, not anymore. I'm not going anywhere. I'm afraid you're stuck with me, my love."
Swallowing, Ivar just stares at you for long seconds, a frown on his confused face. "What… What are you talking about? If this is a joke, it's a very bad one." He eventually manages to say, his bottom lip trembling.
"I swear it's not a joke." You reassure him as you readjust your position, straddling him carefully. Your thumb stroking his cheek, you give him a quick peck before explaining yourself. " I hate our current situation, and I know you do too. I don't want to live like this anymore, between two flights, between two countries. I don't want to miss you anymore. My life is with you, my love. And since you can't exactly relocate the Lothbrok Company, it's up to me to move, which I'm happy to do."
Dumbstruck, Ivar remains speechless for a long time, but you can tell by the smile on his lips that he's thrilled by the news. Tilting his head, he finds his voice again. "You are serious? Wow! You do realize you'll have to find a new job, learn another language? That's not nothing."
"Actually," you place your hands flat on his chest, "I've already found a job. Floki still has strong connections here, did you know that? On the same day I made up my mind, he was already making calls. He has been amazing, truly! I start working in a rehab clinic within a fortnight. As for the language…", you stop and inhale deeply before saying hesitantly, "jeg er allerede begyndt at lære dansk." Ivar's wry smile tells you that your pronunciation could have been better, but you don't mind. It's a first step. "Anyway," you exclaim, beaming, "You know me, I love a challenge!"
"I just can't fucking believe it!" Ivar shines with happiness and it melts your heart. His next question, though, makes you wince internally. Because on that particular point, you're suddenly afraid you've put the cart before the horse.
"Where are you going to live?"
Lowering your gaze, you begin to fidget nervously. "I…", you clear your throat, closing your eyes, "I was thinking… well… Maybe I could… I don't know if…" As soon as you realize you're getting nowhere, you stop; you know you have to muster up the courage to be straightforward. Releasing a short sigh, you tilt your head up. "I was hoping we could live together. I mean if you want to. It's fine if you don't, I'll rent an apartment."
Literally thunderstruck, his eyes fixed on you, Ivar swallows loudly. "You… You…" He stammers, an incredulous expression on his face. "You want to live with… with me?"
As you nod while muttering under your breath "Only if you want to," a broad smile spreads over his lips and he blinks a few times. "Of course, I do. But you do know that", his sheepish look is unmistakable, "I'm not exactly easy to live with, right?"
Relief floods through you and you burst out laughing as you remember what he put you through when you were his physical therapist. "I do know you, my stubborn, grumpy, short-tempered and moody lover! And guess what, my love? I wouldn't want you any other way. Plus, as I said, I love a good challenge!"
Without even trying to hide his elation, Ivar throws his arms around your waist, giggling, "It's a deal, then," before peppering light kisses all over your face. His mouth barely an inch from yours, he's about to kiss you as your stomach rumbles. Embarrassed, you want to hide your face but Ivar, all smiles and laughing eyes, grasps your hands, squeezing them. "Guess we should feed you."
Checking your watch, you stand up reluctantly. "Actually," you point at the table behind you, "we should be served a meal in less than five minutes." Reaching out, you grab Ivar's left hand as he hauls himself to his feet, handing him his crutch once you're sure he found his balance.
Now towering over you, Ivar gives you a thank-you smile. "So, tell me Y/N, what's the plan for tonight? Besides dinner, I mean." The naughty grin adorning his features tells you the answer he's hoping for.
"Well," you can't resist teasing him, "I was thinking maybe we could take an after-dinner walk on the shore afterwards, and later, there's this wonderful documentary about penguins I wouldn't want to miss, so yeah, that's the plan."
"Ooooh, look at you!" You can't help but laugh your head off as Ivar's smile falters, a crease forming between his eyebrows and pouty lips shouting his displeasure. "I'm just kidding, my love," you soothe him, your thumb grazing his mouth, "there's this whirlpool-bath I'm dying to try in the bathroom if you're up for it. And after that, I'm going to make love to you, my birthday boy." Ivar's breath hitches as your hands squeeze his butt cheeks playfully. "And then we'll sleep. And tomorrow we'll go and have lunch with your mother. And when we're done there, you'll…" Overwhelmed with emotion, you stop, your eyes filling with tears.
"I'll…?" Ivar asks as a crooked smile tugs at his lips.
You swallow away the lump in your throat, intertwining your fingers with his. "You'll take me home, won't you?"
There are tears in his eyes as well, but when Ivar nods, the smile that flashes over his face is a wide, shining one. "Yes, my love, I'll take you home."
🛡⚔️🛡
@honestsycrets @lisinfleur @waiting4inspiration @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @a-mess-of-fandoms @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @ivarthebloodyking @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @coco2315 @mlchael-guerin @pieces-by-me @xceafh
#ivar#ivars heathen army#ivar the boneless#ivar ragnarsson#ivar lothbrok#modern ivar#modern ivar x reader#modern!ivar#modern!ivar x reader#modern-ivar#ivar imagine#ivar fanfic#ivar fic#ivar fanfiction#ivar vikings#vikings ivar#vikings imagine#vikings#sophies400
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God Bless the Children of the Beast - Part 13
Previous // Masterlist
Pairing: The Dirt!Tommy Lee x Reader
Word Count: 2.7k
Notes: Sorry this took a minute to get out guys; it’s been a busy week!
God so much happens in this update. We literally jump through like 3 years. 👀
Okay, so I'm changing some history here. (I'm mean I've already done that because, well, the movie did and that's what I'm following; but we're doing it again) I know Thaler took over after Doc, but since they cut him from the movie and made it kind of look like Nikki just sort of ran things, that's the angle I'm going with. 👍 Like I've literally been planning this from the get-go so I'm not changing it now.
Warnings: None
1990
A lot had happened in the last year.
Rehab had been a success for you and the boys, and you all had managed to stay sober through the recording of Dr. Feelgood–Motley Crue’s first number one album. Nikki had surprised you all and gotten married; and while Brandi seems like a genuinely nice girl, you were just glad to finally see your brother happy and committed to someone for a change.
Still, not everything was going so well.
You were back out on the road touring for the new album, and the band was feeling the strain. They had never toured without booze and drugs before, and it was clearly getting to them. Not only that, there was trouble at home for Vince and Tommy, and neither of the were handling it well.
Normally, they'd party their frustrations away–get drunk, do some drugs, then find some chicks to forget their wives with for a little while–but without that outlet to fall back on, they had to find other ways to cope. Vince took it out on his bandmates–usually choosing to argue with Nikki or Tommy–while Tommy chose to either argue with Vince, or bottle up his feelings entirely. Of course, they both still cheated, but without the drinks and drugs it apparently wasn’t enough of a release for them. You tried to talk to them about it, but they both brushed you off for one reason or another.
Vince’s growing animosity with Nikki, and on occasion Tommy, made him start to keep you at arm’s length. He didn’t have a problem with you personally, but your closeness with the other two made it difficult for him to open up to you despite your efforts to talk to him. As time went on, he just kept pushing you further away, becoming more distant, and you worried just how far he would drift from you and the others before he would just disappear all together.
You and Tommy were just as close as always–closer even, since rehab helped you get past some of your old bullshit–he just didn’t want to talk about his problems with Heather. Part of the problem was that he didn’t totally understand what was wrong; what little he would say about it was that she was being ‘weird and distant’ and that she wasn’t answering his calls, so he didn’t really know enough to talk about.
But you also thought part of him was just too scared to talk about it. Tommy had dreamed about true love his whole life, and he found it–it had probably never occurred to him that he could lose it. Things had always gone so well with Heather; for there to suddenly be signs of trouble brewing probably terrified him. You wanted to talk to him about it–comfort him, if you could–but if he didn’t want to talk about it, you didn’t want to force the issue.
Aside from the personal problems, there was also the issue of Nikki running the show.
When Doc was fired, Nikki had taken over trying to manage the band alone. He wasn't doing an awful job, and you helped him out as much as he would let you given his control freak personality. Still, it was the cause of a lot of the fights between him and Vince.
—
You and the boys were sitting at a table in the middle of a strip club, drinking waters and looking miserable. A waitress walks by with a tray of lemon drops, offering you the shots. They look amazing, and you can just imagine the sweet and sour shot burning down your throat, but none of the boys had drank this tour and you weren’t about to be the first to fall off the wagon. Nikki sends her away with an order for another round of waters–Vince looking less than pleased. Trying to escape the tense atmosphere, you glance over your shoulder to look at Tommy.
He was standing at the payphone, looking upset as he talks into the handpiece; Heather must still be dodging his calls. You stare at him a little longer–watch the frustration and confusion on his handsome face–and even though you should be happy that things weren’t going well, you couldn’t help but hurt for him. You didn’t want Tommy to be unhappy, no matter what the reason behind it.
“They’re keeping us on the road–15 new days in Canada.” Nikki says, bringing your attention back to the table.
“I haven’t seen anything about any new days.” Vince says, looking annoyed. Uh oh. This would end in another fight if Nikki wasn’t careful.
“Check your itinerary man.” Nikki replies.
“I would, but apparently someone doesn’t think it’s important to let the lead fucking singer know what the fuck is going on here.” Vince snaps.
“I’ll get you a copy of the new itinerary Vince.” You reply, trying to deescalate the situation. Just then, Tommy plops down in the seat next to you.
“Guys I fucked up. Heather’s being all weird and distant and–I drank.” He says, looking ashamed. “Well, a little–I had one shot and I’m sorry.”
“I’m gonna have a fucking cocktail too man.” Vince says before you have a chance to respond. “What are you gonna do about it Nikki?”
“Okay look everyone falls off the wagon once and awhile–” Nikki replies.
“Oh fuck you man, fuck off! Fuck the rest of this tour! It is the no fucking fun tour, and I am sick and tired of not having any fun.” Vince shouts, standing up.
“Vince!” You call out to him as he walks off, but he ignores you.
“Just let him go y/n.” Tommy says as Nikki chases after him.
You watch as Nikki confronts Vince, who physically pushes Nikki away before taking a shot. Just like that, sobriety was out the window. Nikki comes back up and sits down.
“Shit.” He says, slumping in his seat.
“I’ll get him the itinerary when we get back Nikki, and we’ll sort this out, okay?” You say, trying to be supportive. “It was just one drink; he was just angry because he’s stressed out.”
“I can’t believe I forgot to send him the new fucking itinerary.” Nikki says.
“It’s fine, you’ve got a lot on your plate. Don’t stress about it; I’ll take care of it.” You reply. He looks over at you.
“You probably wouldn’t have forgotten.” Nikki muses, before sighing, hanging his head. “You’re right y/n, I do have a lot on my plate–too much, probably. I’ve been thinking for awhile now that I’m not really cut out for this manager shit–that I should probably hand over the reigns to someone whose better suited to the work so I can get back to just focusing on the music.” He lifts his head to look at you. “So what do you say? You wanna be our manager?” You stare at him like a deer in headlights.
“Excuse me?” You ask, stunned.
“You guys are cool with that, right?” Nikki asks, looking over at Tommy and Mick.
“Fuck yeah dude! That’s awesome.” Tommy says, smiling over at you. Even after everything, his smile made your heart race.
“About time if you ask me; she’s the obvious choice.” Mick says, taking a drink of his water, a smile playing on his lips.
“You really want me to be your manager?” You ask, looking back at Nikki.
“Yeah. You already have experience helping me and Doc, and I mean who’s better qualified to take care of us than you?” Nikki asks, smirking.
“You are uniquely qualified for the position–you’ve got nearly 10 years experience cleaning up our messes.” Mick jokes.
“I don’t know, I made a lot of those messes too.” You reply, smiling.
“Hell yeah you did!” Tommy says, raising his hand expectantly. You laugh, giving him a high-five.
“I’m just saying; yeah, maybe we could hire someone with more experience in management–but we could never find someone we trust more.” Nikki says, putting a hand on your shoulder. “You’ve been with Motley Crue from the very beginning–you deserve this–and we know you’ll always do what’s best for this band.” You had to stop yourself from tearing up.
“Okay, if everyone’s cool with this–I’ll do it.” You say, smiling from ear to ear. “But you have to talk to Vince about it too.”
“Yeah, yeah–I don’t see why he’d have a problem with it, but I’ll tell him tomorrow when I bring him that fucking itinerary.” He says, leaning back and smirking at you.
—
February 1992
The phone rang and rang, but there was no answer. You knew there wouldn’t be–Vince had become so flaky since Sharise had left. You look at the others, all looking pissed as you slowly hang up the phone.
“I’m telling you guys everything is fucking all upside down and flipped flopped and while we’re waiting for our lead singer to get his head out of his ass we’re getting left in the dust man!” Tommy says, standing behind his drumset. You sigh. “I’m just saying bands replace their frontmen and it still works okay? Van Halen–”
“I know Van Halen fucking did it cause you say that every single time Vince misses a fucking rehearsal.” Nikki snaps.
“Come on Tommy, he’s just going through a lot right now.” You try to reason with him. “Wouldn’t you be a little off your game if Heather left you?”
“Don’t even fucking say that man.” Tommy says.
“I mean, can’t you all just try and be a little empathetic for once? Please?” You ask.
“Whatever; just call the prick again.” Mick says. You sigh, making your way over to the phone, while Nikki moves over to the fax machine. You have a feeling you’re not going to be happy about the message he's about to send.
—
You’re working on some paperwork while the boys continue with rehearsal without Vince, when the blonde comes marching into the studio.
“Someone want to tell me what the fuck is going on here?” Vince asks, clearly pissed.
“Let’s save us all some time, especially yours Vince as it’s clearly more valuable than ours!” Nikki snaps back. You stand up and move towards them.
“You’d better tell me what the fuck’s going on man.” Vince says again.
“What’s going on is we’re down here, and we’re working, and we wanna be here, but we are tired of forcing you to be here with us.” Nikki says.
“Maybe I’d come in more if I liked the material.” Vince jeers.
“Maybe you’d like the material if you were in the studio making it with us instead of staring at your fucking watch!” Tommy jumps up and shouts.
“Woah, let’s all calm down.” You say, getting between them.
“Yeah, I’m staring at my watch because this album is fucking stupid!” Vince yells back. There’s a silence as the boys all look at each other. “You know what fuck all y’all. You know, I’m done. Fuck this, I quit.”
“Vince!” You call after him as he makes his way to the door.
“Good, ‘cause you’re fucking fired!” Nikki yells back.
“Nikki!” You shout at your brother, looking between him and Vince.
“I quit already, dick.” Vince says, walking out. Nikki slams the door behind him. You look up at him, as the room fills with a heavy silence, the weight of what just happened hitting them. Before anyone has the chance to say anything, you quickly run out after Vince.
“Vince!” You called his name through the rain, but he was already getting into his car. You quickly make your way through the downpour and jump into the passenger’s seat before he can drive off.
“What the fuck?” He looks over at you in surprise.
“I couldn’t just let you leave before we talked.” You say, your wet hair dripping water on the leather of the seat as you look over at him.
“I’m not going back in there y/n–I’m done.” He says, looking out the windshield.
“So what, that’s it? Just like that? You’re just gonna walk away?” You ask, not even trying to hide the tears pooling in your eyes.
“It had to happen sometime y/n–we all knew this was coming.” He said, still not looking at you.
“It didn’t have to Vince–it still doesn’t. I can talk to them, I can–” He puts his hand on yours.
“It’s over y/n. Let it go.” Vince says, looking into your eyes. You feel a tear slide down your cheek.
“So now what?” You ask. “What are you gonna do?” He moves his hand away and looks back out the windshield.
“I don’t know. I’ve still got my racing–and hey, I could always try making it as a solo artist.” He smiles over at you. “You wouldn’t happen to know any good managers, would you?” You laugh.
“Oh the boys would hate that.” You reply.
“Fuck’m–it’s your life, do what you want.” Vince replies. “Just think it over and let me know, okay?”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll think about it.” You reply, reaching for the door handle. You stop, looking back at him. “And Vince, I just want you to know; no matter what happens–any of the drama or the bullshit that may come from this–you’re still my friend, okay? You’re important to me, and I love you.” Vince blushes, looking away.
“Yeah yeah, I love you too–now shut up and get out of my car.”
—
1993
You somehow convince the boys it would be fine if you manage them and Vince, and things for him were going fairly well. His first solo album, Exposed, was doing moderately well on the charts. Meanwhile, you were trying your best to deal with a Motley Crue without Vince Neil. John Corabi was brought in to be the new lead singer for the band, and while he was a good singer and a nice enough guy–he just wasn't Vince.
The fans knew it too. As much as Nikki and the others tried to promote John, everyone just wanted Vince back. Of course you did too, but what could you do? The band had succeeded because they were a group of stubborn fools who didn’t know when to give up, but that also meant they didn’t know how to back down from a fight–even when they knew they'd fucked up. No one wanted to admit they were wrong and come ‘crawling back’ to the other, so they were stuck in a stalemate.
—
You were sitting at home in your office, going over some paperwork for Vince, when you phone rings.
“Hello, y/n Sixx speaking.” You say absently as you continue reading over the paper in your hand.
“Y/N?” It was Tommy. He sounded upset. You set the paper down on the desk.
“Tommy? What’s wrong?”
“Y/N, I-I fucked up man, I fucked up so bad.” He stammers. “Fuck y/n, I, I–”
“Whoa, Tommy! Calm down.” You say, clutching the phone tightly. “Just tell me what happened.”
“There was this fucking article–someone got pictures. Damn I’m so fucking stupid!” He shouts.
“Tommy, you’re not making any sense.” After a long stretch of silence, you hear a sob come through the line.
“Heather knows I cheated. She left me y/n–she’s kicking me out.” Your breath catches in your throat.
A rush of emotions hits you like a freight train–too many to sort through at once. Anger, sadness, pity, illation, hope, guilt; each coming one after another. Anger at Tommy for cheating again. Sadness and pity at the pain he must be going through. Illation and hope because finally, finally, you might have a chance with him. And lastly guilt, that you would even consider your own feelings now, when he was in so much pain.
“Y/N?” Tommy calls out to you, snapping you out of your trance.
“Oh, oh god Tommy I’m so sorry.” You say, shaking your head to clear your thoughts. “Um, if, if you need somewhere to stay for awhile, you’re more than welcome to crash with me.” You offer.
“Really? You’re sure that’s cool?” He asks.
“Yeah of course.” You say. “It’ll be just like old times.” He laughs through a sob.
“Yeah, old times.” He repeats.
“You want me to come by? I can help you bring some stuff over.” You ask.
“Thanks y/n. God, what would I do without you?” He replies, and you smile to yourself.
You didn’t want to be this happy about Tommy’s marriage failing, but it had been seven years–seven long years, and you had given up hope of ever getting your chance with Tommy.
Now, you might finally have one–a chance–and that thought alone nearly made your heart leap out of your chest.
#tommy lee x reader#the dirt!tommy lee x reader#mgk!tommy lee x reader#the dirt x reader#tommy lee#the dirt
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