feeling vv abnormal about the loss of myself :\

tgcf book spoilers, but one mu qing and xie lian snippet that I think about a lot is this one, at the start of xie lian’s second banishment when he’s surprised to hear mu qing being described as generous and kind:

as opposed to this memory from before his first ascension when mu qing started giving out cherries to the kids in the city:

I think it just really goes to show 1) how deeply mq’s actions truly affected xl and what he thought of him, but also 2) just how different mq and xl are fundamentally in the way that they think and approach things.

I don’t have a lot of commentary on xl that hasn’t already been said, but bc we get the story from xl’s pov, we see a lot of mq’s actions being framed as selfish or suspicious (which is fair, bc again, we know how much his actions hurt xl), but we also see a lot of misconstrued kindness, like in book 8 where it’s revealed that he knocked out fx in order to save him. it’s also pretty obvious how much mq still cares abt xl, with how quickly he volunteers as fu yao and the lengths he goes to protect him when he deems hc a threat, so I also think it’s very likely that mq leaving the trio first was exactly what he said it was — that he thought becoming a junior official, ascending quickly, would be the best way to take care of not just his mother, but also xl, fx, the king and queen, and himself, and so in a way, him leaving was him acting on his kindness. but ofc it doesn’t work out, and he spends the next 800 years fighting w/ fx about it, defending himself, his decisions, and his kindness, and nitpicking the accuracies of his statues while he himself remains completely misunderstood by the two people he probably cares abt the most.

and idk, I guess I just think that’s probably a really lonely way to spend 800 years.

royal college trio 🍂🍁

just gonna go ahead and say this in advance—

if Riz does indeed come out in junior year, and he says, “I’m ace” or “I’m asexual” when referring specifically to his lack of romantic attraction, aromantic people are allowed to be upset about it.

I rly don’t see how ppl be 20+ shipping kids anymore tbh… like, it’s so rampant and I don’t see the appeal to it anymore being as tho I’m in my late 20’s.

I have traveled to more than 25 countries, territories and regions (that should be technically considered countries). I have dealt with straight up racism traveling abroad, though the levels vary. Sometimes it’s staring, other times it’s hair touching or rude questions and comments. Most of the time it is Islamophobia that gets me stopped in the airport.

Yup, you heard that right.

I was born in a Muslim country and was later adopted by an American couple. My biological family is Muslim as far as I can tell. And I have Kazakhstan listed in my passport as country of origin. Which means I have gotten stopped in most airports for some reason or another. I was once pulled aside for a full body search in Hong Kong. When I was 8 years old. When I travel, I carry copies of my Kazakh birth certificate, American birth certificate, passport, whatever visas and travel/vaccination documents I need, because I have been stopped in transit because of these documents at some point in time.

I am somewhat protected by my dad’s last name, which is a somewhat common Norwegian last name, especially in America. The first time I traveled abroad solo was the first time I had to take into consideration how visibly Jewish I wanted to be. I didn’t bring my copy of “Ashkenazi Herbalism” to Türkiye, because my mom was worried I would get stopped and searched in the airport (like I normally do). I also left my hamsa with Hebrew on it at home for the same reason. I also took into consideration how queer I wanted to present myself. So I took my pronouns down from my social media accounts.

I am preparing to go to Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan this summer, and I’m running through the same list of questions. Do I keep my brightly dyed hair? Do I leave my hamsa and Magen David at home? Do I take down anything on my social media that screams queer Jew?

I know some of this is just my anxiety talking, because I have traveled for the last 20 years with very little serious issues. I can brush off casual comments about my “not quite Chinese eyes” (actual quote from a guy on my team in Türkiye) or the typical questions about where I’m “really from”. It has to be a real good insult for me to take it seriously, because I grew up in a fairly toxic school environment. So I’m sure I’ll be fine, especially since two months of this trip, I will be very far away from modern civilization. The only people I have to worry about are the people I’ll be living with during that time and I can handle American racism and stupidity.

genuinely the moment you find an aesthetic you love and start owning it life gets better

u ever see a mildly iffy post and look at the comments and just think “wow, everyone here is so fucking unpleasant in their own special way”

pray for me aaaaaaaaaaaaa

oh also headsup to everyone that i will be TRYING to see if i can’t catch the new bravern ep earlier than i usually do tomorrow so y’know. beware the Posts

going to sound old and bitter again. i miss when concerts used to be like that sooo much. when the crowd wasn’t all tiktok poisoned teens who stand for 2 full hours with their phone recording fully silent. not dancing. not singing. screaming a little for that one song that went viral on tiktok otherwise the faster the song is the more still they stand so as to not mess up the recording And For What. What are they even doing with those videos.

the way chungha hasn’t even debuted under more vision yet n i already feel like this

guys IM SORRY im at 7.7k words for pt 2 of is it freedom BUT TIS NOT QUITE DONE YET IM DOIGN MY BEST !!!

(i have no idea what im doing idk where this fic is going rn but erm. im just gonna have to hope that you guys enjoy whatever goes on next)

((but i can say there JS more gwen angst w arachnid-universe gwen sorry sorry sorry but that’s where it’s gone and who am i to stop it))

(((going to sleep now and having a lie in tomoz (for the first time in like. FOREVER omg) but hopefully i can get a good chunk of writing done tomorrow!!)))

as for the rest of the ep…

Chalynn truthers we won. we fucking won 🍾🍾🍾

Lois trying to talk Ned into making peace w/ Michael and Drew sounds REAL funny knowing that drew and Michael r still planning on pushing him out of ELQ again. fuck those two forever actually, y’all can make peace in hell

speaking of drewfus, I wish I could be glad he’s leaving but it’s not for very long and crew is gonna be annoying abt it I’m sure. this version of drew is such a shell of himself that anytime hes brought up I just feel disgusted 😖

I’m getting tired of Sonny bringing up Carly when talking to nina it just feels WEIRD… I really don’t wanna see a Carson reunion but it’s starting to feel like the pikeman/cyrus bs might end up being the catalyst for one… sonaritas should we be worried. 😟

also Tolly agreeing to use krissy as the surrogate… wasn’t there literally a whole argument against doing this months back that resulted in tolly icing krissy out for several weeks…? once again I must assert this whole surrogate storyline is a load of barnacles

I have said this before but me being self proclaimed number 1 Ryoma fan and that being possibly literal-bc even if this bro had fans before me I might’ve simply done the most for him by talking about him so much + being the first to write fics that are in depth studies on his trauma across canons-I gotta say if there’s one other character I rotate a lot that isn’t him it’s probably Kei. (Shocking it’s not Hayato even if I do think about him too- but it’s usually associated with Ryoma bc gays 🗿)

I’m not even exaggerating when I say Kei would be my favorite and only isn’t because she doesn’t exist in many other canons yet my brain rotates the endless possibilities of how to incorporate her. I’ve already written a fic where she’s in shin vs neo verse which worked surprisingly well but I’ve been thinking how universally she could appear in other things. (Whether it be fitting her into a idea of a possible Go team in New or just a new canon completely) I think what I’ve narrow it down to is that she could be like- in Michirus role? Like she’s the supporting female who isn’t a pilot but helps out the real occasionally which I think would align very well especially with the original manga role she has of being Hayato’s assistant. And even if Hayato isn’t grandpa mode yet he still very much is in Saotomes position at that point. Not sure if she’d Hayato’s biological kid to further parallel Saotome and Michiru given well Hayato already adopts the Go team and his wife is irrelevant LOL.

I have no idea if I’ll ever write this specific idea but I’m still- rotating it cause this is such a easy way to get around “picking between Sho or Kei as the 2nd pilot” since both of them can still exist even if one doesn’t get to pilot, idm my supporting females. (Granted there could always be like- plot line where Sho gets hurt so Kei is temporary pilot but I can’t remember if Getter ever really did this since “once your hurt your ass is basically replaced” lol)

I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.