I rly don’t see how ppl be 20+ shipping kids anymore tbh… like, it’s so rampant and I don’t see the appeal to it anymore being as tho I’m in my late 20’s.

When I started T, I’d done so much reading about hrt, watched countless videos where other guys talk about the physical changes they had, and thought about it Constantly. And one thing I still experience on the daily that nobody ever talked about was feeling some form of dread over thinking you’re never gonna look your age. It’s such a waiting game -- a waiting game on top of the waiting game that being on T already is. Just waiting and waiting and waiting to finally see yourself in the mirror and look like a guy in his 20s or whatever -- look how you feel you should, because you are a guy in his 20s or close enough to that -- you’re a grown man and you look 15.

Hrt is a huge waiting process for results. This shit takes time, and everybody says that, but I think nobody really puts it into perspective and admits that it feels like a setback of sorts. Like, I always feel like I’m the slow one who’s never gonna pass and I feel like things are lagging, even if that’s not actually true. All this waiting and slow-ass change is frustrating as hell and can make you feel weird about certain social settings/encounters, because you don’t look 22, you look 15 -- you don’t sound like a grown man yet, you just sound like some middle school boy whose voice dropped a month ago even though it’s been a year on T for you. The impatience and discouragement related to this that I feel some days can feel p close to dysphoria, and I would argue that this probably is dysphoria, just a different way to feel it than when I was pre-T and didn’t even pass at all no matter how I dressed, talked, or whatever else I did.

I just wanna be the one to say that it’s normal to feel frustrated and think that nothing’s changing or happening for you. The process is so gradual that sometimes you don’t even realize anything happened. You’re not going crazy, your expectations weren’t too high, you’re not being annoying or ungrateful or whatever anybody wants to shove at you about how you feel. It’s a shitty feeling when cis guys address you like you’re 15 when you’re probably 3 years older than they are or their same age or maybe they’re just 3 years older than you instead of 10 like they seem to think. It sucks when some guy in his 30s or 40s approaches you at the gym and compliments your lift and asks how old you are only to be shocked when you answer, “I’m 20″ and then it feels like that compliment doesn’t hold the same weight. It’s fucking annoying to be asked if you want a kids’ menu when you’ve got noticeable stubble -- even if it’s kind of patchy, it’s still there and you still shave it at least once a week. It can feel like you’re not even you when someone makes a remark about you that’s age-related that you don’t even have the energy to correct anymore because you’ll probably never see this person again anyway. It gets to a point where you figure you might as well roll with it and let ppl think you’re 15 because you never got those kinds of interactions and comments when you were actually 15, so might as well just get that Sparknotes edition of being any other teenage guy.

I don’t mean for this post to come across as discouraging to anyone who’s pre-T. Don’t get me wrong, being on T is tons and tons better than being pre-T was for me, even if I still feel down about some things and feel discouraged and angry and jealous still. I don’t know if those feelings will ever entirely go away about my appearance and how ppl treat me for it. I just never really saw anyone voice any thoughts about this stuff in regards to being on T. But if you feel this way, you’re not alone.